#harrowing but so goddamn great

[angelsforthenight]

MRS. AND MRS. SMITH — abby anderson x fem!reader

ways you can help gaza 🇵🇸

do not buy tlou2 remastered!

a/n: this is way more inspired by the mr and mrs smith series (2024) not the 2005 one!!! this explains why they’re wives :3

you’re an assassin along with your assigned partner/wife, abby anderson. fed up with her toxic behaviour, you’re pleased when the mission is centred around you seducing a man for murderous motives. why? well, because you know it’ll get under abby’s skin. little did you know, things would blow over way more than you thought it would.

cw: mdni, owen feature🤮🤮, long fic, kinda slow-burn ig?, femme fatale, arranged marriage couple, kinda toxic relationship, violence, mention of blades, car sex, mean!abby, bratty!reader, dom!abby, degrading, bdsm, ass-smacking, finger-fucking, cursing, jealous!abby, hair pulling, dry-humping, finger-sucking, choking, rough sex, teasing, squirting.

“short brown hair, rugged beard. got that?” abby’s murmuring voice comes in from the earpiece you’ve got attached. you groan and roll your eyes, wishing you could mute the goddamn thing.

see, any other day, you would’ve loved to hear your wife’s pretty little voice guiding you ��� her praises when you’d do something right or her degrades if you’d do something wrong both sending shivers down your spine, compelling you to do whatever she wanted.

but not today. today you’re over it. so what do you respond with?

“yeah, i know, anderson. we both got the fucking brief.” you hiss. you know how pissed abby gets whenever you curse at her; so that’s exactly what you do. you relish at the thought of her gritting her teeth, not being able to snap at you in front of all of these people.

that’s right, you two are at a charity gala event. it’s fancy. too fancy to the point where it’s intimidating: glistening chandeliers, artistic decorations and bustling people wearing glamorous attire. you and abby needed to blend in with the crowd so not only are you two dressed smartly for the occasion but are also split up. not that you’re complaining. you’re sick of her. sick of her petulance whenever you’d get glorified by the agency instead of her, sick of how sometimes she can be so simple-minded, sick of how, at points, she lacks at making you feel loved.

your job is to take out an owen moore, for unforeseen reasons. you never question what the agency tells you to do, neither does abby.

you’re planning to lure him in an concealed area with your enticing charisma, make him believe you’re going to sleep with him before slicing him dead with your blade. you prowl through the many people, scanning the area with a keen eye to find him. claude debussy plays as background music, taming your harrowing nerves. killing is never easy.

“found him yet?” abby sighs.

“please don’t distract me.” there’s way too many people and it’s beginning to stress you out. what if you never find him? failing the mission is the last thing you wanna do.

“i’m getting bored. plus, small talk with strangers pisses me off.” she complains.

“not my goddamn problem.” you retort, the ends of your tight-fitting dress flailing against your legs as you pick up the pace, worrying if there’s not enough time, worrying if he’s even here in the first place.

“literally what is your problem? acting extra fuckin’ snobby tonight...”

your eyebrows knit together. abby always finds a way to get under your skin.

“let’s not fucking start—“ you’re about to snap and make yourself look like a fool in front of all of these people until somebody accidentally bumps into you: spilling his drink all over your dress. great!

“oh shit. sorry, i didn’t mean that.” you hear a man’s voice as you stare down at your ruined dress in disbelief. you slowly glance up at the culprit; only to find the noted brown hair and rugged beard staring right back at you. owen moore.

despite your worked up embarrassment and your extreme annoyance, you manage to flash a smile.

“it’s okay, but... you do realise you owe me now right?” you bat your eyelashes, hoping you don’t look silly.

“and what’s that?” owen chuckles, rubbing the back of his head and making immense eye contact. he’s already flirting back, you think. this is about to be so fucking easy.

with a few drinks, owen’s already tipsy and you’re leading him to the vast room. you make him believe you’re just as woozy; stumbling and giggling away. you take advantage of his obliviousness: your hand brushing against the slit of your dress, fingers cupping the wooden handle of the blade in the garter wrapped around your thigh. whilst he laughs and babbles nonsense, you carefully trace the edge of the blade — feelings of excitement rushing to the surface. regardless of the fact that killing is never easy, it’s also never not exhilarating.

you’re about to fully whip out the blade until owen decides to be bold: setting his slobbery hands against the small of your back and trying to lean in for a kiss.

“woah.” you feign a grin, pulling his hands away. “we go at my pace.”

“aww… please?” he mumbles, trying to seem like an adorable puppy but instead making it look disgusting. this is sad, you think. you try to grab your knife again but he’s now grabbing your arms; desperate for a fruitless smooch.

“come on… don’t play hard to get.” he growls, his sudden aggression catching you a little off guard. no need for stress, you know what to do. your knee prepares itself to kick hard in between his legs until somebody’s arm suddenly emerges from behind, wrapping around his neck and squeezing hard.

“what—“ you breathe in bewilderment, eyes widening. despite owen choking and uselessly clawing at abby’s arm for escape, her gaze stays intently trained on yours; a death stare. it’s unnerving.

it doesn’t take long for owen to turn cold and slack, eyes rolling to the back of his head. abby lets him go, but not without cracking his neck first, and you watch as he flops onto the floor.

“what the fuck, abby…” you mutter, palming a frustrated hand across your face. “where the hell did you even come from?”

“there’s doors.” she tilts her head towards the backdoor behind her. you hadn’t even noticed it. your eyes travel back to her; irresistibly ogling at the black suit clinging to her body, complimenting her form. you almost forget you’re supposed to be mad at her.

the blonde chuckles wryly, a petty exhale. “you starin’? assumed pussy boys were more your type.”

“real fucking mature.” you snarl. “i had him. i was this close to killing him, abby.”

“you were taking too long.” abby shrugs, condescendingly pouting. you grit your teeth.

“jealousy? really? grow up.”

“at least i watch where i’m going. nice dress, the wet splotch is a nice touch, really.” she slanders, narrowing her eyes. you scoff, trying to pretend as if that dig didn’t offend you.

“you’re a fucking child. help me with the body.”

you two leave the building with ease, pretending as if owen is a friend that’s had too much to drink, wrapping his arms around the both of your shoulders and leading him to your car. abby opens the boot and you two push him inside. you two will decide on how deal with the body later.

for now, you’re sat on the passenger’s seat whilst abby drives, the two of you salty and quiet. abby’s driving way too fast; her hand gripping the steering wheel like her life depends on it. she’s obviously fuming.

“can you slow down?” you glare at her.

“you owe me… i mean, who even says that?” abby grumbles, ignoring your request.

“a lot of people do. now slow down, we don’t wanna attract attention from police knowing there’s a dead body back there.”

“not to mention that you’ve had an attitude since last night! the way you were flirting with that oliver guy? or whatever the fuck his name was, had to be on purpose. to spite me.”

abby starts driving even faster, increasing your stress. “owen.” you correct, “you’re so self absorbed!” you continue to beg for her to slow down.

“he’s, like, the embodiment of revolting too. don’t even get me started at the way he was trying to force himself on you. i should’ve put a bullet in his brain.” abby rattles on, pure jealousy oozing from her tone.

“you were definitely enjoying it too. i know you were.” she turns her head to look at you, not paying attention to the road.

“abby. abby!” you scream as abby almost runs through a poor family trying to cross the road.

“fuck.” abby murmurs as she swerves messily, just in the nick of time, steering into a deserted field. the two of you are out of breath from the fright, hearts racing from the adrenaline. abby rests her head on the wheel, letting out a long sigh.

“just what the hell is the matter with you?” you scold, “all this shit over a mission? are you serious?” abby’s lack of response leads you to continue yelling at her.

“of course we’re going to have to flirt with our targets now and then! the fuck happened to your professionalism? if i had known you’d be acting like this then i would’ve never—“

“why didn’t you kiss him?” abby raises her head to look up at you, her face blank. you blink, a little taken aback by the unexpected question.

“i…” you look away. you’re not exactly up for abby knowing that you couldn’t kiss him because of her. “where even are we anyway?”

“nice try. since you’re so professional, why didn’t you kiss him? he clearly wanted to. you could’ve easily killed him then.” the corner of abby’s lips arch up into a smirk — the familiar smug look of hers that never fails to get you weak.

“for someone who’s had so much to say just a second ago…” she leans in a little, arm resting against your headrest, “…you’re awfully quiet.” her voice is hushed down to a soft whisper, and you swear you’re beginning to feel a little lightheaded.

“look, abby, you’re my wife… so…” you mumble in response to her pressing question, avoiding eye contact. abby chuckles, loosening her tie. here comes the floodgates.

“don’t play dumb and pretend as if the agency didn’t arrange that.” her finger presses against the dome light of the car; illuminating your embarrassed face. just what she wanted to see.

“you’ve been enjoying yourself, seeing me all jealous like this. you liked playing femme fatale, hmm?” her finger slowly twists itself around a strand of your hair, before she yanks a handful, forcing your head closer. you wince, eyes clenched shut. your cunt decides to flex too — reminding you that she’s got a mind of her own, and that she finds being in an empty field like this, in abby’s car, pretty fucking hot.

“let’s face it…” abby whispers, so close that you can feel her breath tickling your ear, shooting heavy tingles down your body.

“you want me so bad it hurts.” her eyes drift down to your thighs that are starting to shift uncomfortably in your seat. it’s beginning to ache down there and it seems like abby’s aware of that. you can’t help it. after all, abby sitting so close: loose strands of hair framing her face, unfastened tie and darkened eyes fixed on you, feels so good that it’s suffocating.

you squirm a little and abby grins, her fingers still laced in your hair. her grip slightly tightens as she licks her lips. she looks hungry.

“maybe what hurts is your fingers in my hair.” you quip, though your voice is a little shaky.

“maybe you need to fix your attitude.” abby retorts, “like, seriously, pipe down… you’re probably soaking down there.” she snickers, right on the money.

“fuck you.” you glare at her, gauging her reaction. you want to believe you’re saying this out of sheer anger for what went down tonight, but deep down, you know that’s not the case. in reality, you just want to get under abby’s skin. it’s what you’ve been craving since the beginning; to get her pissed.

you wipe the pleased look off of abby’s face, which is now replaced with a frown. your heart pounds with anticipation: so much so that your chest faintly heaves, lips parted.

abby’s eyes wander to your lips and in one swift movement, she pulls you in; pressing her lips against yours. you’re quick to kiss her back, the sweetness of her mouth sealing yours. fervent can’t even begin to explain the way you two are kissing. akin to wild animals, small muffled groans escape the both of you.

desperation is thick in the confined air of the car, as abby pulls away and shrugs her blazer off. you stare up at her.

“hurry… with your slow-ass.” you whine.

“watch your fucking mouth. c’mere.” abby commands. you naturally do as she says and she begins to unzip your dress — not without making sure to go deliberately slow.

“why do you have to be so mean?” you sigh, burying your face in the crook of her neck.

“oh, trust me… i’m only gonna be meaner.” she warns whilst planting gentle kisses on your neck. you’ve always admired abby for her ability to vary from being sour to tender in seconds. little did you know, the peppered kisses on your neck served as a prior apology to how cruel she’s going to treat you in a second.

once everything is off, abby marvels at your body. like a painting in an art gallery, she makes sure to pay attention to even the minuscule details of your body. it’s her favourite thing in the entire world.

“turn around.” abby mutters, her eyes hazy; voice bleeding with lust.

“what?”

“just do it.”

you hesitantly do as she says. abby beams: finding your weak resistance amusing yet is also excited to break you.

“now… bend over.” she coos, clearly poking fun.

you shoot her a glare, cheeks flushed. “what am i, your dog?”

“don’t piss me off.”

you glare at her for a few seconds longer before sighing, reluctantly bending over.

“arching that back and everything… wooow.” abby teases, “and to think i haven’t even touched you yet.”

“oh, just fuck off, abby…” you complain, the embarrassment beginning to overwhelm you.

“what was that?”

“i said fuck—“ but you’re cut off by a yelp when abby brings her palm down flat against your ass. you flinch violently; very, very taken off guard.

“mm? didn’t quite hear you. repeat yourself.” abby taunts, smacking you again. you grunt and flinch yet again, feeling the sting of her slap coarse through your body. abby’s humiliating you, milking every last drop of your embarrassment. the worst thing yet? you’re enjoying this way more than you should be.

“i’m not kidding. speak.” abby commands, showing no signs of mercy. your skin is already starting to gleam red, and your pussy? well, it’s a fucking party down there.

“abby…” you cry, completely under her control. the more she smacks, flesh recoiling under her palm, the more your head goes blank.

“go on babe… finish what you were saying before.” abby prods. this time, when she smacks you, her fingers grasp the flesh on your ass tightly; watching in delight as her fingertips leave little red marks. you’re trembling like a leaf, both from the pain and the arousal.

see, the thing with abby is that she never likes to let things go. she adores jabbing at you until she gets what she wants.

another smack, this one so hard that you need to press your palms against the window. abby then grips your waist and pulls you way closer; making your ass press against her hips.

“you wanna get fucked?” abby mutters, teasingly bringing your waist back and forth against her hips: hard, playful thrusts. your bare cunt pressing against her crotch is, without a doubt, driving you insane. you frantically nod in response to her question, in which abby replies with latching her hand around your neck; forcing you upright so that your back is now against her chest.

“use your words.”

“y-yes…” tears begin to stream down your face. you’re desperate, yearning for her touch as if it’s a life or death situation.

“so finish what you were saying.” her fingers slightly squeeze around the sides of your neck.

“i-i told you to f-fuck off but i d-didn’t… haa… mean it.” you splutter. the you a while ago would’ve had her mouth agape in horror at your behaviour right now.

“see? that wasn’t so hard, was it?” abby coos, her fingers tracing down your stomach, in between your thighs. long, drawn-out circles are traced on your swollen clit, her fingers pressing just the right amount of pressure. you groan, and abby taps her chin against your shoulder; smirking at how your legs are writhing, desperate for more.

“where’d all your attitude go?” the blonde ridicules. her other hand moves over to your breast, squeezing it, her thumb caressing your nipple. as to the hand working on you, her middle and ring finger brush against your folds; up and down. she’s touching you but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough: abby knows that.

“don’t do this to me, abby…” you exasperate. she lets out a breathy chuckle before flipping you over and setting you down onto the car seat. she reclines it back, eyes yet again fixed on you. you stare up at her with big glossy eyes, your head blank as if you’ve been dumbed down.

abby gloats at how helpless you look, grabbing your face with one hand and squishing your cheeks. “you look stupid.”

“shut up and fuck me.” you mutter in a muffled tone. abby laughs as if what you’ve said was the funniest joke in the entire world. you wonder if abby can feel your cheeks burning up against her palm.

before you know it, abby plows her thick fingers so far inside your cunt that you’d squeal, if it wasn’t for abby’s hand still clenched on your cheeks.

“this what you wanted?” abby purrs, fingers curling up against your g-spot already. you moan, back arching and squirming.

“oh! riiiiight, you can’t speak.” she gloats, playfully shaking your head with her hand. you whine in embarrassment, yet you secretly enjoy how she’s handling you like a doll.

abby’s finger-fucking you rough, wet squelch noises filling up the car. the sound of it is so erotic that it leaves you dizzy, eyes rolling to the back of your head. the blonde releases her grip on your face but not her thumb, that slips inside of your mouth.

“suck.” you mindlessly do as she says, as if you’re brainwashed. you can see abby’s cheeks tint red when you slowly suck her thumb, making sure to keep eye contact.

abby chuckles, looking away. seems like she didn’t think you’d actually do it.

“you’re shy.” you point out. you triumph over the fact that now it’s her turn to be embarrassed, but not for long.

“shut the fuck up.” abby says brusquely, her fingers operating way harder than before; relentlessly pounding against your g-spot. you cry, feeling overwhelmingly good.

that rigid attitude you had a moment ago? now dead and buried. you feel surreal, a series of mewls and sobs leaving your lips.

“nothing smart to say anymore? you look fucking pathetic.” and she’s right. you look like a hot mess. abby smothers your tears all over your face. you mindlessly move your hips, fucking yourself on her fingers. she smirks, loving what she’s seeing. you feel a knot beginning to untie in your stomach, sublime throbs coursing all over your body.

“i’m cumming…” you manage to choke out.

“i know.” abby buries her face in the crook of your neck, and you shiver at the feel of her breath against your skin.

“i’ll decide to be nice and let you finish.”

and that’s your cue. with an ending moan to seal it off, you feel your body tense up, eyes widening. abby leans in and presses her forehead against yours. you squeeze your eyes shut, before your body relaxes. you’re panting like a dog, staring up at abby with foggy and depleted eyes.

“so cute…” she murmurs before cupping your chin and kissing you — this time, soft and tender as opposed to the way she was kissing you before. you feel warm.

so absorbed in each other, you two forget about how you’re in the middle of nowhere and how the body in the car boot needs to be dealt with. for now, you two have something more important to worry about: how you’re gonna clean up the mess you’ve left all over the chair and dashboard.

a/n: you made it !!! thought it’d be funny if the target was owen😭😭 hope u enjoyed reading <3

[starberry-cupcake]

We're back! again, if these silly recaps help lift your mood in any way, it makes me very happy ♥ I baked chocolate chip cookies for this so imagine I'm sharing them with you 🍪

previously, in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

also @unexpected-tigers linked me to an official house quiz and I did it so, if you want to know what I got and how I answered, I'll add it under "read more" after the recap

CHAPTER 44

listen, I need to start listing things I got right and things I got wrong but I forget at this point what I said

you're gonna have to remind me if I got something right and I didn't catch it because I remember what I got wrong more easily than what I got right

such is life

I'll do my best to try to tally but

I got wrong the narrator, I assumed that, because they were insulting harrow, it might be harrow too

but I forgot about gideon also being a pro at insulting harrow so, guess what?

IT WAS GIDEON

WELCOME BACK, BABE, WE MISSED YOU

CRYING TEARS OF JOY

of actual joy, not mercygirl-joy

to be fair, the narration was very different from gideon's perspective, to account for 1) the twist and 2) the fact that gideon's gideon-ness came out more and more as she got closer to the surface of perception in harrow's body

something she kind of explains later

but yeah, I got that wrong

however, I did get the purgatory situation of canaan house somewhat right and I forgot to mention it last time

ANYWAY, BACK TO GIDEON

CUE 'I AM THE BEST' BY 2NE1 IN THE BACKGROUND

someone stabbed harrow from the back, which is very shitty behavior from whoever it was

so gideon comes back into the real world with the immediate danger of her vessel, necromancer and partner in crime having been stabbed

and she was "left behind" because harrow is back in her canaan purgatory river bubble

with her ghostie ghoulie friends

gideon immediately finds out that harrow can't fight for shit

she's determined to kick the stabber's ass but it's gonna be hard when she's used to her massive guns and ninja warrior disposition and she's inside the body of a baby kitten

gideon's very eloquent commentary is "Fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, fucking hell. Help. Yuck. Aaaargh."

it's so nice to have her back :')

she's talking to harrow in the second person, as she's been doing all this time unbeknownst to those of us who didn't catch it

"which proves that you can put the swordfighter into the necromancer but you can't, wait, hang on"

god, I missed her

gideon is also coming to terms with the fact that harrowcita has regenerating abilities now

she is very angry at the awful state in which her two handed sword is

if you knew, gideon, about the relationship between harrow and your sword and how layered it was...

"Harrowhark, I gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it"

so gideon starts taking control of the situation because the beast is chasing them

absolutely no chill over here in the emperor's bolthole

and by "them" I mean gideon and harrow because idk where the everliving fuck everyone else is

I know the emperor is hiding in weenie hut jr but the rest are supposed to be fighting

except for whoever was going around stabbing people

and idk where not!dulcinea is at this point either

maybe someone's using her to stab harrow idk, I'll never stop blaming her for things, even indirectly

gideon is doing a great job with what she has available because she's "a good girl and you're an evil nun"

she's also still going on about harrow leaving her behind and saying "you never got rid of being so absolutely fucking goddamn sad"

chisus christ gideon, tell us how you really feel about her

gideon looks at herself in the mirror and sees harrow with her eyes and her expressions, which is very uncanny valley

"This was your shell, but it was all filled up with me. God, the double entendres were hard to resist"

yandere twin would appreciate that one, I think, maybe

gideon proceeds to taunt harrow to come back by using her voice to say things like "Oooooh, Palamedes. I am measurably less intelligent than you. Put your tongue in my mouth and I'll flop my tongue against it."

"Ohhhhhrr, Gideon. I was so dumb to think a tub of ancient freezer meat was my girlfriend. Please show me how to do a press-up. Also, I'm very obviously attracted to y—"

no no, by all means, go on

please, gideon, go on with that idea, let's see where it takes us

in other important but not as spicy events

gideon cuts the beast thing in two with her own sword

but now we've got the heralds to go through

"Don't worry, honey. I'll keep the home fires burning."

same energy as

CHAPTER 45

we're back in hotel california canaan house au river bubble

I'm sure that description makes it all super clear for anyone reading

abby and her hubby are taking harrowcita to the secret hideout of the lost boys aka the room behind the tapestry that is now untouched by the body horrors going on in this version of canaan house

and where all our ghostie ghoulie friends are hanging out

it was a person's room, says harrow, and I think we all know it was alleged gideon's aka ortus, but we'll get to that

I need to point out the fact that harrow says she always thought not!dulcinea showed signs of "suppurating ego" but that she could never convince gideon to "see past the appealing eyes and softly clinging dresses"

I KNOW, GIRL, IT DROVE ME FERAL TOO

apparently harrowcita's invite also got to the kids of the fourth but abby sent them back to the river with a kiss in the forehead and their lunch packed

because she had adopted them, as we all know

she said "if only Silas had asked me, what has happened to his soul worries me horribly"

of course I didn't remember that silas was mayonnaise uncle and had to do math for a while in my head

maybe he's out there looking for duracell bunny nephew's soul that is still travelling through the river

abby learned a way to send them back into the river but everyone present wants to help deal with this haunt situation harrow's got going on

honestly, props to martita for hanging around, judith is a lot less cooperative

abby also thinks there's something wrong with the river and that the emperor is unaware of it because he doesn't know about the river beyond

she has studied a lot about it

and that the fact that the "beyond the river" concept has been looked at with scorn by everyone for so long has made the potential studies of it stagnant

I love her a lot at this point

I mean, I'm still 100% a camilla girlie, I'm putting camilla's photo in one of those glittery clear files and covering it with heart stickers, don't get me wrong, but this woman is fierce af

abby, you know more than the emperor, you're more worthy than he is, please murder him

NOW IT'S TIME TO GET EMOTIONAL

GRAB YOUR TISSUES

IT'S ORTUS TIME

man, ortus won me with this chapter, he's great, let's keep him

let him be happy in the infinity of time with his fifth polycule

harrow tries to tell him that he doesn't have to apologize to her, that she owes him for crux murdering him and his mom

(interlude for "her unconscious gracelessness to Camilla Hect; a girl whom, in reality, she should have taken by the hands and thanked her profusely for every time she tried to save her cavalier")

(glad we're in agreement there)

they talk about how gideon died and ortus tells harrow that gideon never did anything without intent

"she had been outplayed by Palamedes Sextus, outgunned by Cytherea the First, undone by Gideon Nav"

damn, harrow

LISTEN TO THIS PART YOU FOLKS

"I should have offered help. I should have died for you. Gideon should still be alive. I was, and am, a grown man, and you both were neglected children."

ORTUS, MY MAN

THIS MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL

"she and Gideon had become women before their time, and watched each other's childhood crumble away like so much dust. But there was a part of her soul that wanted to hear it —wanted to hear it from Ortus's lips more, even than from the lips of God. He had been there. He had witnessed."

"I will hope better for heroism in my death"

ORTUS I'M HOLDING YOU TIGHT AND CARESSING THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD LIKE A PUPPY

harrow finds the "g&p" note

GUESS WHAT

GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT

ALLEGED GIDEON IS ACTUAL GIDEON THE FIRST

AND HARROW THINKS OUR GIDEON WAS NAMED AFTER HIM

I mean I had trust in my alleged gideon theory BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED THE OTHER PART MAYBE TOO???

sixth house please accept me

she also finds another note, similar to the rant notes she had been finding, which reads: "the only thing our civilisation can ever learn from yours is that when our backs are to the wall and our towers are falling all around us and we are watching ourselves burn we rarely become heroes"

are the letters clues on the angry spirit that's haunting harrow?????

does it relate to gideon???

but when harrow is about to ask ortus about gideon ("less like tragedy and more like carelessness" 👀) abby interrupts

abby, interrupting me again when I'm getting to the good stuff

but I can't be angry at her because she says she'll exorcise the Sleeper

YOU GO ABBY, YOU LORRAINE WARREN THAT STUFF

And that's where we leave it for today!!! my willpower is strong and I know I can't make these too annoyingly long. Which is why, if you wanna know how I did with the House quiz, look after "read more". If not, see you for the next one!!! Super soon!!! Sending you all hugs in these difficult times ♥

So, this is the quiz that I did, the official author-made one.

I GOT *drumroll* A TIE BETWEEN THE SIXTH AND THE FOURTH

The author said that, in the event of a tie "Pick the House descriptor most like yourself, or most like the person you secretly wish you were, or with the colours you like best."

We all absolutely know where I'm going if I'm left to pick between those two.

To be totally transparent, I'm gonna show you my very messy notes, which I wasn't initially planning on showing, so I apologize for them not being neat and tidy. I added the skull I have in my desk as aesthetic compensation for the messy handwriting.

I picked 1st the pen and flimsy because, if I'm doomed and this is it for me, I want to go out writing. The bottle, because I considered a vessel for separating things or for keeping something in safely would be useful. The rapier, because I always take a swiss army knife in my purse with my keys and the rapier was the closest thing to that. The flare gun, because I might as well try to signal somehow, at least some of us could get saved. And the raft not to try to escape, like the answer said, but because if we're more than one person in the boat, having more space, even if somewhat leaky, could help out for different situations.

I did consider every potential option that could be turned into food but I'd rather die of something else than food poisoning of any kind.

I got the Fifth in second place, and I wouldn't have minded if I got the Fifth, honestly. In 3rd place I got Seventh and Eighth as a tie, I'm not gonna ask about that. The Second got fourth place, the Third got fifth and 0 points for the Ninth, I'm so sorry.

You should have seen my face when I saw a portrait of the Emperor was an option to take with you lmao

[wearingpants]

Louella McCoy

Lou-Lou

Wyatt Callow

Maisilee Donner

Ampert Latier

Sid Abernathy

Willamae Abernathy

Lenore Dove

Just a few of the people that Haymitch had to bury. Had to hold in his arms. Watch the light leave their eyes. Or watch it shimmer off of their pearly white bones.

That isn’t even all of the people he lost. Not forgetting the careers he killed. Not forgetting his father, his twin sisters. Not forgetting the tributes he led to their deaths for 24 years. And the part of him that died with each death he witnessed.

The deaths I find especially harrowing are Louella and Lou-Lou. Holding his sweetheart as the blood spurted from her head. Knowing that he would never hear her “Hey, Hay!” Ever again. Picking her crushed skull off of the ground so carefully to allow Maisilee to lay her necklace around her neck. Running with her. Showing snow despite what it would do for him after the fact.

And Lou-Lou a wholly different girl. But even still, one who resembled Haymitch’s sweetheart. A young girl taken from her family and pumped full of drugs. Dying just like the Avoxs in the capitol. No one to remember her. No one left to mourn her.

Wyatt Callow, the oddsmaker. Who calculated and measured the chances. Who came from a dirty family of betters but himself, was not dirty. He was quiet and caring for Lou-Lou despite not knowing her. Saving her life if even for just a day. Even though he had calculated the odds. Wyatt’s family may have bet on their own son’s life. We may never know. And the Callows who spat on the body of the family member who hung himself after losing Wyatt in the reaping.

Maisilee Donner, the meanest girl in town. The fashion obsessed, rage filled sister. One who Haymitch hated, then tolerated, then loved. Not as a sweetheart like Louella. And not with all fire like Lenore Dove. But as a sister. One he was never able to have. His lost twin sisters found their way back to him in the form of Maisilee and again in the form of Merrilee.

Ampert Latier, reaped illegally for the sole purpose of punishing his father. A boy who must’ve known his fate and still was able to stay happy. Was able to corral all of the newcomers with his charm. And was returned to his father, who would never see his son’s bright face ever again.

Willamae Abernathy and Sid Abernathy. Haymitch walking toward his home, almost there, when he catches sight of a great billowing fire. One that could have been prevented if he just filled the goddamn cistern.

And lastly, Lenore Dove. He goes to see her knowing that the last time he saw her, he wasn’t filling the cistern. They have a greeting. And for a few paragraphs you think, maybe, just maybe, snow will let him be happy. But we all know how it ends.

So no wonder he turned from “I’m not a drinker myself” to needing to be some form of drunk at anytime.

And now imagine Haymitch, having relied on alcohol for years of his life, being in 13, sober. And having to look at the eyes of the woman who tried to keep him from drowning in his drink for 26 years. And seeing his eyes mirror hers. She has lost the spark of herself. Now she and him are no different.

[m4rs-ex3]

s7 spoilers ✨✨

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ok

"death alive" fucking snipe me the insane death motif that seems to be present here is killing me pun intended

GRAAAHAHAHHGROWLS IM SO EXCITED I CAN TEVEN

"i don't want to be separated again"

"i don't want to be separated again"

stop it right tf now bc this is literally what i have been wanting one of them to say so badly. also smooch. dear christ

the fact that terry wants so badly for him and claudia to be free that he is pleading with fucking archmage aaravos himself. like ik they're partners in crime atp but still my guy has balls. the dedication. poor thing 😭

aaravos fucking leading claudia on with even more hope of viren being saved - his own backstory making the way he's manipulating her grief 10x more twisted - and terry seeing right through his bullshit..... im foaming at the mouth

fuckin.g- FOR ME?!?!?!?!?!?

CALLUM SOBBING OVER EZRAN??? (dreamer's nightmare was prepping us for this huh)

SOREN APOLOGIZING TO CALLUM?? (for what i do not know) EMOTIONAL CALLUM/SOREN HUG DEAR GOD ALL IVE EVER WANTED

the making of a primal stone, more moon magic, a quest for an ingredient, insane biblical imagery... once again, FOR ME??!?!?!?!??!

"AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!"

NECROMANCY!! just what this show needed omg

astrid my love. i was a little worried post-s6/pre-date announcement that we really wouldn't see that much, if any, of the celestial elves, but oh ho ho i can't believe i ever doubted you tdp. like you're telling me that astrid is tired of watching, of being the wise observers (especially now that her own brother has been so far removed from, well, being a non-all-seeing prophet), and that all she wants is to, for once, do something about all the tragedy she knows is coming and hasn't been able to do anything about? christmas fucking morning i tell you

goddamn the true extent and emphasized tragedy of katolis has been brought up enough that you just know they're not messing around

NO STOP SEEING SARAI AND HARROW NEXT TO GROWN AND CURRENTLY FCUKED UP EZRAN IS GOING TO FUCKING DEMOLISH ME

obviously ez being angry is just wow omg teehee but just. immediately being so vengeful and wanting to "destroy him" with zero hang-ups is.......... yeah wow omg teehee

"it's great!" i genuinely trust that with my life

ok hello this will most certainly be the most incredible visual to ever exist holy shit. also this is making me realize that we've never actual seen ez on the throne in arc 2 and i mean that's insane enough

this is incredible what can i say. i can see it now: rayla shoving worms in his face like "JUST EAT THE FUCKING WORMS ITS GOOD FOR YOU ASSHOLE" and runaan fighting her like a toddler refusing to eat his vegetables (except it's the opposite bc it's a vegetarian father refusing to eat his grubs)

i love how out of touch aaravos is (makes sense after centuries underneath inside of a rock) bc in what world is this normal. i highly doubt they have snow white or the bible but still it's just human nature to be weirded tf out by that. also yes @zuppizup ur so right his affinity for fruit being played on is amazing

also corvus: yeah yeah uh huh right and what exactly is your name, sir? aaravos: ah yes my name! it's uh uhh i mean it's uhhhhhhhhhhh. jofus

TWO IN THE FIRST EPISODE (which worries me but anyhow) IN THE FORM OF A GOODBYE AND A REUNION AND IN FRONT OF EVERYONE TOO???? AS A TREAT??????????

i'm all for ezran ripping runaan to shreds but i can't exactly say i see the correlation here. although that is kinda funny. it's like when i can't find my phone or smth so i just look at my dog and go "whiskey did you eat it" (she's been asleep this whole time and also she has never eaten/chewed on an object in her life)

also help inigo montoya ahh

ok 1) i, much like everyone else, kinda presumed that the tension would mostly be between ezran and callum and he wouldn't really hold anything against rayla, but the act of straight up arresting him really makes me wonder how rayla's gonna react 2) i really need to see callum's reaction (mainly out of defending rayla, but also because i can see him kinda being like "HEY i JUST freed him bro fuck you") and 3) the way that it is emphasized that soren is the one to arrest him..... idk i just figured that between his love for rayla, his own daddy issues (+the fact that viren was the one to imprison him so it would kinda be like righting his wrong), and that harrow was in fact not his father so compared to ezran he'd have a lot less resentment (he was of course still his king and soren had to actually watch it so still some but like. comparatively) i didn't think he'd be this combative but i'm certainly not complaining. the more angst the merrier

AW YEAH BOYS SHES COMING TO KATOLIS!!!!!

this has been your incoherent, feral mars commentary.* thank you

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Dune: Prophecy episode 2 thoughts:

[SPOILERS]

NOW WE ARE COOKING WITH GAS

Everyone continues to speak in Exposition Dump; I have accepted that the dialogue will just be Like This and have made my peace with it

I knew that Lila was gonna turn out to be Raquella's descendent!

TULA MOTHERFUCKING HARKONNEN your sister is underestimating you. Tula was kind of a nothingburger in episode 1 but goddamn, that conversation she has with Lila where she convinces her to undertake the Agony was so manipulative and creepy. And you just know at least some of what she is saying is lies even if you don't know quite which parts yet.

Everything with Lila was completely harrowing. She looks so small and young in the white robe in the lab. The fact that everyone at the school is watching from the gallery, fucking yikes. Chloe Lea who plays Lila did a fantastic job. Olivia Williams is terrifying. That whole sequence was by far the most riveting part of the episode.

Love how much they're doing with the Other Memory, which the films don't really have time to get into. Love that they're highlighting the idea that the ancestors aren't just passive conduits of information; they have agendas and can influence you. You can see the call-forward to Alia's storyline in Children of Dune.

The ancestral plane or whatever you wanna call it looked creepy as fuck, good job. Also love how the shrouded gray figures look a little bit like the silver-plate icon of Raquella that's perpetually looming over all of them.

LILA KNOWS THAT VALYA KILLED DOROTEA. Oh that's great. Especially since I am pretty sure that Lila is only mostly dead. That Chekov's gun is gonna go off at some point.

Dorotea says Lila's mother is "not here." I sort of thought the Other Memory included all your ancestors whether they were alive or dead but maybe not? In any case I assume the implication is that Lila's mother is alive.

Actually love that Tula got genuinely upset at the thought that she might have killed Lila. Love a fucked-up surrogate mother-daughter relationship.

Unsurprisingly I am becoming a bit of a Jen stan. You question that propaganda girl!

Continually getting jumpscared by the GoT rejected plotline/early 2000s Syfy miniseries/CW show based on a popular YA franchise vibes of the younger Corrino generation. Could've done without the sexposition. Ynez and Squareface Atreides continue to be so so so boring.

Squareface Atreides talking about the "rebellion" of what seems like Houses Minor/less powerful elements of the Landsraad as if it's some kind of popular revolt was great actually. I don't know how much this was intended, but classic Atreides bullshit of always thinking they're the Good Guys.

Desmond in floaty jail. Sorry I just could not take it seriously. I laughed every time they floated him around.

The fact that Desmond can resist the Voice makes me think he is not fully human, or not human at all. I was originally thinking he's just got a fucked up Tleilaxu robot eye that can fry people, but now I wonder if he's something else entirely.

Oh I am fully on board now and ready for more!

[fandom-susceptible]

TDP Rewatch S1E4: Bloodthirsty

I like the way the intro voice changes, I wanna keep track of that now. Pilot was Aaravos, Callum was the second or third? I don't remember the other one though. Viren is the fourth.

Editing in: listen if you like Viren, you may not like my commentary on this episode. I have absolutely no judgment if you do, have fun, go wild, but I personally love to hate him. He is a fictional character. My opinions on him do not reflect my opinions of anyone in the fandom or even the writers. Actually, I think the writers who created him are brilliant - they've successfully created villains that some people will like, who are complex and make sense, but who you can also just absolutely despise! And that's well-done! Anyways yeah I'm coming for Viren this episode, embody the old fanfic rules, don't like don't read.

Rayla is so goddamn cute. I love her so much. Also, feral Moonshadow headcanons are being fed by her first solution being to chew on the binding, not USE A SPELL. Since it's a MAGICAL RIBBON. Darling, dear, sweetheart, baby, Rayla, moonberry I'm wheezing. BOTH OF YOUR DADS ARE MAGES. Why was magic not your first solution darling?

They're also just . . . such teenagers in season 1? Idk, I'm nostalgic now, she really feels like a 15 year old watching this. When I first watched it when I was barely older than she is I was wrapped up in the story, but watching it as an adult, I want to wrap her up in a blanket and tell her she did a good job.

Oh Rayla really does curl her lip like she's showing teeth at Bait when they have a little stare-off, my feral Moonshadow headcanons are LIVING for this.

I love how her clothing design at this point has that little like. Heart shape at her throat, too.

At some point maybe I'll stop gushing over Rayla and watch the rest of the episode.

I think it's neat that her eyes match the shade of her tattoos in nighttime scenes.

Can we talk about Harrow managing to set up a funeral procession for Harrow THE NIGHT AFTER HE WAS KILLED? Less than a day? Poor Soren too, he just says "long night", but this has got to be hell on the guy.

"in his final hours, Harrow called me . . . his brother." YOU FUCKING BITCH. Shut the fuck up Lord Viagra. Lord VILLAIN. HE'S NOT EVEN DEAD AND YOU KNOW IT.

Also holy shit oooh yeah "the princes are dead" yes okay lord villain is a bitch in this moment but I also think he said that in a panic because he somehow thought his Nat20 on the Deception check was gonna propel him through the entire funeral, unfortunately Opeli's player finally rolled a perception check above a 3 and realized that the princes weren't there and he had to cover his ass. This is why he sends Soren to kill them later. He done fucked up and then had to commit to the bit.

I also think that Viren refused to allow Harrow to have a proper funeral out of sheer guilt. He's still him at this point, he hasn't even discovered Aaravos yet. Like he's really just this much of an evil bastard to begin with, but he's a self-centered coward. He can't allow a proper funeral to be had for a BIRD. He knows it would all be fake. He has to minimize this and bluff past it before anyone realizes what he's done, because he's still on edge and nervous because his original plan has gone so far off the rails. Harrow didn't listen to him like he thought, now the princes have absconded with what Viren thinks is one of his most powerful weapons, he's told the country that they're dead, and now he's just improvising and he's super not great at that.

Very teenager moment with the kids, Rayla not even waiting 2 seconds before calling Callum's name again. I also think it's cute that she checked to make sure she got his name right.

I love the fact that they're both fucking nerds. Like Callum's obvious but Rayla couldn't remember the word for whetstone despite also using swords, but she's out here giving a full on info dump about Primal Sources and magic and how it works at the slightest provocation from Callum. She is aLSO a nerd. (I like to think she gets this from Runaan. We see him giving lectures in Bloodmoon Huntress, and he references obscure history facts that Ethari thinks are just stories too, so I imagine he's that one guy who can and will give a complete history of the Moonshadow Elves if given a single chance.)

Rayla claims sky magic requires at least a strong breeze to cast a spell, but we never see other sky mages requiring that. Could be a retcon, but I'm gonna mentally patch it as her just misunderstanding how sky magic works because that's not her arcanum/instinct set.

I love how Rayla gets hit in her own insecurities by Callum's speech, like the shared parallel.

Rayla's clenched fist and recoil when Callum assumes they're drinking blood. "Is that what humans think we are? Bloodthirsty monsters?" Rayla, you say that like that isn't also what Skywing elves think of you, per the ones you met when you were 8. Like it's not a common story in Xadia, to the point that YOUR PEOPLE TELL IT ABOUT THEMSELVES. Granted there's actual history behind it from your POV, but yk.

Man . . . when I first watched this Amaya just was my sexuality for like a week, and honestly, the introduction holds up. (also, all my affection for strawberry boy Gren, the Army Commander who does not carry a weapon)

Actually side note about Gren, lmao, he really just caught Amaya's helmet like tossing it over her shoulder is a thing she does all the time, and I want to imagine honestly that it is. That's why he just catches Callum's staff when the boy throws it after finding out Amaya's engaged. He's just used to this family throwing things around him.

I have complicated feelings about the portrayal of Amaya's disability in the show. I've seen a lot of people analyze it, and the general consensus appears to be that it's mostly really good, but there's a handful of things that don't. . . quite make sense, especially her early interactions with Janai with no interpreter present. I will say for me, I could not figure out if she was meant to be deaf or mute until I read an outside source. The more nuanced take deserves its own post, it just occurred to me again with how she reacts to the boys without them signing or her bothering to look at Gren.

Moment of appreciation for Gren's admirable relaying of Amaya's intended tone and inflection, which you can also see reflected in her face. Also her soft smile at Callum when she reminds him it doesn't help to yell is so cute.

I just needed to appreciate the mimicry down to her expression here, complete with putting his hands on his hips to portray the bit she can't because she's using her hands to talk

Amaya really didn't notice the sheer weight in Ezran's backpack huh?

"I skipped breakfast?" THESE BOYS KNOW HOW TO PLAY THEIR AUNT SO WELL I love them so much, it's adorable. Weapons-grade fucking baguette, lmao. Amaya, did you expect the children to be able to yank your whole sword out of the table?

Amaya having the opinion of Moonshadow elves being the worst kind is interesting, given most of her interactions have been with Sunfire elves, based on what we see later. Makes me wonder what exactly happened to shape that opinion. Many little things, specific events, just information? It'd be interesting to find out, especially in the context of Runaan also having Personal Opinions about humans (that they're all liars/can't be trusted). What if their opinions were based off a conflict with each other years before this? It's not canon and I don't think it ever will be, but it'd be a neat idea to play with in a fanfic.

The kids' sheer exasperation at the suggestion they build a dirt man was hilarious, especially when we follow it up by Amaya's soldiers just casually becoming a construction crew to fix the doors she levelled earlier. Does she do this often? Is working for her just an endless string of "she just kicked down a door again. Fuck, now she's put a hole in the table. DID SHE JUST LEVEL A PILLAR?" (all things she did in fact do in this episode, all in like a day)

Callum warning Ezran not to tell Amaya was something I didn't get as a kid, because I saw how Amaya was later and thought maybe if Ezran got to her first, told the whole story before she ever saw Rayla, maybe she would go for it. Watching it now, no, he's . . . unfortunately probably right.

Amaya looming behind Rayla in that scene was absolutely terrifying I love it. Also, seriously Rayla, did you think leaping up to come down like that on a SHIELD was a good idea? That didn't work for you on Runaan, why would it work on Amaya?

I love Rayla sassing the guards with her four fingers joke, but also holy shit the one guard got blinded and just immediately came at her swinging with the sword. This could have gotten so bloody if it wasn't a kids' show.

Yeah no, telling her AFTER she's fought with Rayla wouldn't work.

I would have paid to see a conversation between Amaya and Rayla after this moment, where they talk about what happened here and what Callum told them.

"Puttin' everyone's lives in danger" is such a loaded line after what happened with the other assassins.

I love what a little shit Soren is with his father. "Crown hour. Crown o' clock?"

Harrow being in the damn bird makes so much sense. I fucking knew it. He's caged and refusing to make noise now, and looks away when Viren taunts him, the same way Harrow did when Viren was annoying him before.

I love the one old lady in the crowd who just looks Mad after she hears about the princes' "death", where everyone else is looking sad.

Notice how Viren isn't claiming the title of king? Just Lord Protector? Bitch knows the truth and it's under his skin.

Opeli sometimes hits me in the religious trauma a bit but her grin when Amaya announces the princes are alive gives me life.

[omegalomania]

no ok like. i know this is The YBC Blog and all but i really truly need to go off about how GENUINELY fucking fascinating the whole "young volcanoes" video is on a metatextual level. like the entirety of the youngblood chronicles says a WHOLE hell of a lot about the band in terms of the metaphors it's painting wrt the hiatus and reformation and the fact that they took this particular song (sonically incredibly airy and cheerful, lyrically desolate) and turned it into the dinner party from hell. this is a story where an external force chops up the lead singer and hollows him out and then serves his organs to the rest of the band. theyre made to consume him, literally, against their will!!! and thats not all!! they are vividly hallucinating at this point, because theyve been heavily drugged - again, against their will! - and they see this whole thing as a joyous affair. in their blitzed out brains, this is them reuniting after the harrowing experience of being kidnapped off the goddamn streets! and then they have this fucked up trippy GROUP HALLUCINATION where they are literally EATING PATRICKS ORGANS. and in the real world, none of them can see this happening - except patrick. patrick is not blindfolded. patrick can see them being forcefed his own viscera and he's too fucking high off his ass to do anything about it. in fact, in reality, he barely acknowledges his bandmates at all.

like just thinking about this from a metaphorical perspective. its fucking fascinating innit. the band literally cannibalizes patrick against their will, and he cannibalizes himself against his will, and they are all made to believe this is something that they want to have happen. they are misled and drugged into this. they eat him alive. they eat him ALIVE. and they are made to think they're having a great time doing it.

the band consumes itself for the seeming entertainment of the onlooking vixens. and they don't explore this through the avenue of pete, who the rest of the band regularly cites as the creative impetus behind the band, but through patrick, the voice. the mouthpiece. the one who sings the words. this is the third fucking video they released when the band came back from hiatus. and its this. it is the band being forced to consume the lead singer and primary composer from the inside, and him participating in this forced consumption.

it makes me grip my head and scream. we witness this horrifying incident so early and things only get worse and worse from there. for all that patrick kills joe and pete later in the narrative, they have patrick's blood on their lips first, staining their mouths, slicking their insides. and, like the case with patrick, who has been warped into something violent, they don't do this willingly; it is done to them. we see what true and genuine hatred of music and creativity has motivated the vixens to do. and in contrast we see, by the story's end, the thesis statement that the defenders of the faith love each other beyond any earthly horror that can be inflicted upon them. how unbelievably unfathomably fucking captivating for this to be present at the very start, this warped perversion of that kind of love. what else is friendship and brotherhood but this. what else is love at its most destructive and possessive than this. we are friends, we are brothers in arms, we are companions until the bitterest of all bitter ends. we have wrought immeasurable horrors upon each other. we have consumed each other. we have eaten each other alive. we all have each other's blood on our hands and in our mouths. if save rock and roll is the brightest and most elevated declaration of love imaginable, then young volcanoes is the darkest and most twisted. we don't want to be here. we're having the time of our lives. we're trapped. we're screaming. we missed you. we are better together. we are destroying each other. we love you. we love you to the most twisted and horrific and absolute endpoint imaginable. we love you. they won't let us stop loving you. we love you. they won't let us stop. we love you.

[sugarcoatedcigs]

a mini series: enduring you pt.1

summary: your new to jackson, and your first interaction with ellie williams was anything but nice. she was rude and showed no respect. she carried herself like she was some hot shit and you hated it. if you could, you would turn back time and have shown up a little bit later to that party. but you can't. so you learn to endure her as life continues in jackson.

word count: 2k

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, angst?

….

i took a deep breath in as i walked next to my horse into the protected town of jackson. the ground crunched beneath me, it was the last week of february and the town was frozen over. looking around, people were busy and they looked the most content i've seen since all this shit happened.

"you must be y/n." a voice tugged me in the direction of the stables. a beautiful woman stood there, with almost silver hair with sharp blue eyes. "my name's maria. i heard you were headed this way. charlie sent a letter you were coming. it's good to have you." i smiled at that.

"yeah, i'm really happy to finally be here. it was a trek. it's nice to know a name." i reached out my hand and smiled. her hands were soft but they had a firmness to them.

"why don't I show you around? let's get your horse a spot in the stables first." as maria helped unload my belongings off of my horse, she gave me a rundown of life here in jackson. the responsibilities and the duties that are done around here. maria took me through the town, and time passed quickly until the last stop was the apartment in which i would be staying.

"and here she is..." maria swung the door open it was furnished, and my bags were already placed in the middle of the living room. "i'll let you get settled in. there's a town party tonight at the bison at 8, no pressure but I'm sure people would love to meet you." she dug out of her back pocket and gave me the keys.

"thank you and yes i'll definitely stop by." she shut the door leaving me in my apartment alone. it was quaint. small. perfect. the air was heavy with almost a...nostalgia. there were plenty of windows giving me a perfect view of the mountains surrounding us. the sun was starting its descend into the horizon. better get started. i move my bags into my room, unpacked, dusted and managed to get two windows open to invite air in. by the time i was done, the space is mine and it's pleasant. only thing left to do is get ready i guess.

i grab a towel and head to the shower, turning the faucet on. the water wasn't just any water, it was hot. my body was eager and excited. hopping in, i was met with immediate relief. goddamn this feels great. i could've stayed a bit longer but i felt a certain obligation to save this precious water.

….

i dressed in a long sleeve that complimented my color palette and some dark jeans. ready to leave i looked into the mirror to make some final touches to my hair and applied a yummy mint and vanilla rub i made a few months ago. all ready. i put on my jacket and zipped up my boots, then i closed the door behind me.

the air was frigid, i felt my nose get numb and my eyes start to water. after a long and cold 2 minutes, the bison came into view and i could hear the bumping music and sounds of people talking as i approached. i got a sudden wave of excitement. as i wrapped my hand around one of the doors, they busted open. the edge of one of the doors hit the side of my face. "oh fuck!" i grabbed my cheek and i could feel the blood surge to the area.

"jesus. watch where you're going."  i looked up to see a woman with auburn hair and harrowing green eyes. her voice, blunt but sultry. the woman had a freckled face and a scarred eyebrow. what the fuck. you are the one that fucking rammed the door into my face. i opened my mouth to cuss her out but stopped, i dont want to get into a fight on my first night here. adjusting my posture and looking at her i said "excuse me." her face flickered, like she wasnt expecting my response, but she remained silent. i grabbed onto one of the handles again and started walking in but then i felt her grab my wrist, holding me back.

"shit I'm sorry." her voice, one that was originally cold, was now honey-like, "i didn't mean to." ignoring the ache in the side of my cheek, i looked back at her and gave a tight smile, "do you always grab people without asking?" she let go but not without a subtle scoff, "i was just trying to apologize." god it's aggravating that she's so hot and yet, she's the one that busted your face on your first night out. i laughed, "well you sure have an odd way of trying to." i briefly looked down at her pink lips, but maybe not brief enough...because she immediately wetted and then bit down on them. her eyebrows scrunched together and she retorted, "whatever, i was just trying to be nice but someone's clearly got a stick up her ass."

wow. this stranger (attractive or not) is an asshole. i bit down on my lips, stopping whatever bad decision i was going to make. i didn't want to spend another minute wasting my night so i swiftly turned to face the pub and mumbled, "fuck you" under my breath. the doors shut preventing her from getting another word in. i waited a sec, expecting her to burst through the doors and harass me some more, but she didn't. relieved (yet disappointed), i sighed.

despite the night starting out shitty, it developed into lots of fun and new people. i met a really nice girl named dina along with her boyfriend jesse. the two were hilarious and easy to get along with. i also saw maria and she introduced me to a few others, one of them being the manager of the bison and he said the team would be open to hooking me up with a waitress job here.

it's also been a few months since i got a drink in me so safe to say i was a little bit tipsy. nothing too serious but to make sure tomorrow morning wasn't murderous i figured i should get going and turn in for the night.

right before leaving, dina called out to me, "y/n! hey! before you leave i'll give you my info so we can plan something soon. i was thinking about a small get together tomorrow night at my place." dina wrote her address on a napkin along with the time of the party. then she embraced me in a tight hug before i left. with a little bit of liquor in me, the walk back was much warmer.

reaching my door, i fought the keyhole to get the key in. among opening, i immediately ripped off my boots and dressed down into my underwear, leaving a trail of clothes on the ground. i shivered as the frigid air enveloped me but warmth followed as i collapsed on the bed. i closed my eyes and drifted off.

.…

the sunshine was too bright. my eyes scrunched and i felt my head start to pound. no not yet. i tossed myself towards the other side of the bed. just a lil longer. but no. a loud banging on the wall started. what the fuck? then moaning followed.

"ohhhh yes! fuck ellie right there." a yappy voice echoed into the bedroom. you're fucking kidding me. "yes yes yes!" no, no, no. i shut my eyes and yanked my pillow around my head, suffocating the noise out. the moaning continued on for what seemed like forever until finally..."i'm cumming!" then the banging stopped. i whined into my pillow. why me? why me?

taking this as a sign to get up out of bed, i stretched out my limbs and groaned. my head was still pounding but it was manageable. okay things to do today...i'll get ready and then i'll stop by the bison to figure out the job stuff.

i walked into the kitchen hoping to soothe my headache with nice cold glass of water. the water here was better than i imagined, the cold liquid washed down yesterdays grogginess. my tummy grumbled and i realized i hadn't eaten much yesterday. upon opening the fridge, it was near empty, only a few potatoes i found on the way here with the scraps of some jerky. hmm, looks like groceries are on my list today. the bison, groceries and...dina. perfect.

i brushed my teeth and tied my hair back. along with wiggling myself into some jeans, putting on a warm jacket and wrapping a scarf around my neck. i opened my door, closed it and when locking it, the door next to me opened up. auburn hair came into view. the girl wore a jacket on top of her flannel, her hair was tied back into a half up and half down manner. she looked familiar...then i remembered the interaction i had last night. it's her. she's not only my neighbor, but her name must be ellie. her green eyes met mine. they were a gleaming green. then she smirked wide. "oh it's you." i felt blood fill my cheeks. i didn't respond. whatever. no wasting time. i locked up the door and turned away from her, as i walked away she opened her mouth to say something but stopped and watched me walk away.

....

the morning at the bison was quick and easy. everyone kept to themselves which i didn't mind because they were all kind enough. my schedule was working morning shift on saturday and working nights on wednesday and thursday. i left the bison still feeling energized so i made my way to jack who collected milk from goats and cows for the town, and kate, who organized most of the goods here in jackson. she had all sorts of goods, beans, coffee, oats, she tended to the lot of chickens so she also had a lot of eggs.

the sun was higher in the sky now. it was much warmer today compared to yesterday. i couldn't wait for spring to come. i was getting closer to my place with bags in hand, and i felt an ache in my stomach, dreading another possible interaction with ellie. i wonder how she came to be so rude...i wonder what she went through. i approached my door, holding my breath and waiting for the one next to it to open, but a few seconds passed and nothing. my stomach eases.

….

it was the afternoon now, out of boredom i wanted to take a walk. maybe i'll stop by dina's so i can confirm that tonight is still on. i left the apartment again. the walk was longer this time but i enjoyed it as the sun was still out, warm on my skin. i looked at the napkin that dina gave me again, to see if i was in the right spot. should be right. i went up to the house and knocked, no response so i knocked again. then the door opened and dina was there in all her glory. "y/n! i was waiting for you to come by." she grabbed me into a hug. "yeah i wanted to say hi and also see whats going on tonight." then out of the corner of my eye i can spot auburn hair. fuck. my stomach starts to twist. dina sees me look over at ellie and she perks up, "ellie don't be a stranger. this is y/n, the one we've been talking about."

pt. 2 coming soon…

[aurescentia]

five-year plan

for @steddie-spooktober Halfway to Halloween pop-up <3

rating: G ♥ words: 4k ♥ ao3: five-year plan ♥ prompt: half-o-ween, picnic ♥ post-v4, everyone lives, pre-relationship fluff

Eddie is going to kick Steve’s ass.

“Where– the hell are you– shit, fuck– taking me, Harrington?”

Eventually. Once he could catch his breath and wasn’t reliant on him to get up this fucking hill – yeah, then he’d absolutely kick his ass for dragging him out to the middle of nowhere. (…it’s an empty threat and he knows it.)

“And why does it involve so much hiking? I’m in recovery, you jackass,” Eddie wheezes, forced to pause and lean on the cane Steve made him bring to keep himself upright.

Steve doesn’t even have the decency to look winded. Prick. He does, however, look somewhat apologetic from where he looms ahead, waiting for Eddie to catch up.

They’re about twenty-five minutes into a hike through the woods beyond Lover’s Lake, the trail of hikers’ past leading them down a winding dirt path that began veering noticeably up at a sharp thirty-degree slope about ten minutes into the walk – far enough in that Eddie couldn’t justify turning around.

“The doctors said walking was good for you! I’m just doing my part to help you get better,” Steve says, a mischievous twinkle in his eye that would have been endearing were Eddie not about to hack up a lung.

“Besides, we’re almost there. So, stop complaining. You can make it.”

“Says the guy whose insides stayed inside him,” Eddie mutters darkly, but he puts on a brave face and continues hiking behind Steve. “And that doesn’t answer my question.”

He stops dead in his tracks to whirl and face Eddie, exasperated and almost– wait, is he laughing? Great. Just what he needs.

“What part of ‘it’s a surprise!’ don’t you understand?” Steve huffs, sounding annoyingly, unwaveringly fond.

And Eddie’s ready to snark back, feeling embarrassed by his winded state, but then he’s looking at Steve – really looking – and he’s all ‘freckles dappled in sunlight on the first truly warm day of the year’ and he finds he’s run out of steam. He should lie down (figuratively), roll over, and let Steve lead him wherever he’s trying to take him. But he should probably also still get one word in, edge-wise, for the sake of propriety.

“All right, okay! It’s a surprise, I get it. Let’s just… keep going,” Eddie says, gesturing for him to get on with it.

Steve looks at Eddie for a second longer, as if gauging his response, before nodding once – satisfied with whatever he found there. Then they continue to trudge along, up, up the winding not-quite path for several more harrowing minutes, Eddie fighting the burn in his emaciated legs, praying for silent, sudden death to take him out of his misery.

It’s not until they’re cresting the peak of the hill that he begins muttering low, vague threats beneath his breath, cursing Steve and his penchant for unattainable things like wonder and whimsy.

“Surprise? Oh yeah, I’d love a surprise, Steve,” Eddie mutters forebodingly when he knows Steve can’t hear him, jabbing his cane into the ground. “Surprise you with my foot up your –”

Eddie cuts himself off as they round the peak of the hill, catching sight of the scene laid out before them. Just beyond the peak of the hill where they now stood, down another wider path between looming trees, heavy with spring leaves, lay quite the sight. About a hundred yards down, the woods parted like a storybook vignette to reveal a small clearing, bare of trees and full of sunlight and lush, verdant grass.

What was more, the clearing was currently occupied by, oh, just about everyone Eddie knew, sitting out on their blankets in the sun like something out of a goddamn fairytale. There they sat, spread out, unloading their baskets – honest-to-god, Yogi Bear picnic baskets – across their island of blankets amongst the green.

Eddie was going to be sick. And now he might actually make good on his empty threat to kick Steve’s ass, because what the fuck.

He whirls around and catches Steve’s arm before he can continue forging ahead toward their waiting group, panic seizing him.

“Whose birthday did I forget?” he hisses, tugging Steve out of sight behind one of the trees.

Steve makes a punched-out oof noise as Eddie gets him pressed up against the trees, looking (annoyingly) surprised at his strength. He wants to roll his eyes and tell Steve that not all his muscles atrophied during his three-week stay at Chateau de Colostomy Bag and, hey, doesn’t he remember that they’ve danced this lopsided tango before?

But he has more pressing issues at the moment. Like figuring out what the fuck is going on.

“Yours,” Steve mutters when he finally remembers himself, patting Eddie’s arm to get him to let go.

He drops his hand like it’s burning.

“What do you mean, mine? My birthday’s in November. It’s May, for christ’s sake!” he whines, hating how petulant he sounds, even to his own ears.

He has to keep diverting his attention between Steve and their group just ahead, back and forth, like he’s afraid he’ll get jumped if he lets either side out of his sight for too long.

“Surprise? It’s… your party, man. I don’t know what you want me to say,” Steve says with a half-hearted shrug that sends bits of bark crumbling down the front of his polo.

What Eddie wants is for Steve to say he’s just pulling his leg and that this isn’t a surprise party, but all he can manage is a series of aborted almost-words.

“Wh– You can’t–” Eddie splutters, trying to make the logic work right in his head.

Hard to do when he spots Wayne, the traitor, handing Buckley a tray of something wrapped in plastic wrap from one of the baskets. And he’s smiling. He’d told Eddie he was picking up an extra shift this morning, the lying bastard.

“Steve,” Eddie begins slowly. Calm, like he’s trying to remind himself as much as he is Steve.

“My birthday isn’t for, like– six months.”

Steve has the decency to look embarrassed, the rosiness brought on from their exertion muddling low on his cheeks, bleeding out into a blush that slants prettily down his neck. Annoying.

“It’s, uh. It’s actually… exactly six months away. Six months from May first is November first,” Steve mumbles, rubbing his arm and looking anywhere but at Eddie.

“Well, Dustin and I argued about whether it would be today or yesterday for a bit, but today worked and sounded better, so –”

“So– yeah. Here we are. Surprise,” he shakes one hand in a weak celebration that does nothing to rectify the situation.

And, wow, there’s a lot to process with that statement – Steve remembered his birthday, and he’s bashful about being caught knowing? – but it still isn’t quite making sense.

“Okay…? So, why exactly are we celebrating my birthday six months early?” Eddie asks, flinging his arm in the general direction of their group.

Steve, for his part, looks completely exasperated, rolling his eyes and mumbling under his breath as he searches the canopy above them for aid.

“– jesus, I told them you’d be like this. Knew it was a stupid idea to just go for it –”

“– Steve –”

His head whips back down, mouth twisted like he can’t figure out the right way to shape his words.

“Because!” Steve snaps, a little too loudly. Eddie has to fight the urge to slap a hand over his mouth to get him to quiet down.

He cringes at his own outburst and continues at a more acceptable volume.

“Because we need to– to– I don’t know, make up for lost time? You were the one who brought it up in the hospital.”

Eddie is about to ask Steve if he needs him to run another concussion check when the pieces finally (finally) click together for him and– oh, fuck. He’s figured it out.

    During that first hazy, drugged-out week on Hawkins General’s finest morphine drip, Steve had been at Eddie’s side, rocking his own (slightly less invasive) set of medical fashionwear.

And, probably bored out of his fucking gourd, he began asking Eddie questions. Personal questions, the kind he might normally be elusive about – or, at least, might try to evade – but Steve was letting Eddie ask right back. Who was he to avoid a temptation such as Steve Harrington (his literal savior, thanks) laying himself metaphorically bare for him?

So, yeah, they’d been sharing anecdotes Eddie ought not to have shared – including what he’d thought to be such trivial things like their middle names (Richard, after his dad – so boring. Nowhere near as cool as Eddie’s – Warwick was badass) and their birthdays (who has a baby on the fourth of July? It was almost too on the nose to believe, until he’d shown Eddie his medical band as proof).

But when Steve inquired about Eddie’s birth date, he’d gone all self-preserving and aloof about birthdays of yore because it was, in fact, an incredibly touchy subject.

“If you have to know, it’s November first. But don’t go telling folks,” Eddie remembered muttering, waving his hand dismissively at Steve as if that would keep him from asking.

He had only laughed, too good-natured to let Eddie get away with letting that slide, and asked.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Steve huffed, eyes crinkling at the edges. “Your birthday is basically on Halloween, I’d’ve thought you, of all people, would seize the opportunity to brag about it. Play up the whole evil, devil-worshipper schtick.”

Eddie had tried to get him to drop the subject, he really had – even tried feigning exhaustion to get Steve to stop pestering him about it. But he was like a fucking dog with a bone and Eddie was a weak, weak man when it came to anything Steve, or so he was reluctantly learning.

“All right, fine. If you wanna know so bad,” Eddie had finally snapped, hating the way Steve had gone all smug and attentive, waiting for him to explain.

“I, uh…” Eddie coughed, pawing at the uninjured side of his face in a jerky motion.

“I stopped celebrating my birthday after my– y’know. After my mom,” Eddie cleared his throat around the lump forming there.

They had talked about her, briefly, when the subject of parents inevitably came up. Steve’s mom was too zonked out on quaaludes (and then lushed up when the feds got rid of those in ‘83) to notice him half the time, and Eddie’s mother was, of course, dead.

Maybe they should invite Mayfield over from across the hall and the three of them could celebrate the world’s shittiest Mother’s Day.

There was a pause when Eddie couldn’t find the right words to continue, lasting just long enough that Steve made an encouraging noise, something too soft. He couldn’t look at him – didn’t want to see the smug look on his face fading as he watched him go all sympathetic and caring. Made the back of his eyes itch to consider.

It was all too much – his mom, Steve asking and feeling sorry for him – which was why he didn’t want to get into it in the first place. But he also didn’t want to leave room for him to give any stiff condolences or whatever, so Eddie barreled on before Steve could say anything and make it worse.

“It used to be her big thing, back when she was here. She’d make me a cake from scratch and Wayne always came ‘round, and it was– I dunno,” Eddie shrugged, but his heart wasn’t in it. “It always felt she was the one who made it special, even if it was my birthday. Something we made special, together.”

He was too lost in the memory of his mom sweeping her hair out of her face, eyes crinkled. Her, laughing. Just… her.

“And Wayne tried, don’t get me wrong,” Eddie added quickly, shooting Steve a conspiratorial glance out of the corner of his eye without really looking at him.

“I threw a fucking fit the first year without her, when I turned thirteen. He was just…” too gentle and too concerned and knew Eddie too much. “He was just so Wayne about it, and I couldn’t deal.”

“So, I threw the biggest tantrum I’ve ever thrown – which is fucking mortifying to remember, so thanks for making me relive that –” Eddie said, laughing wetly even though it was pretty embarrassing.

“– and then he… did what I asked,” he sighed, losing steam. “Promised not to bring it up again and, poof, no more birthdays.”

Steve was blessedly silent for once, taking in everything he had admitted to him. Looking at Steve – while he wasn’t paying attention, of course; no way he would get caught looking – Eddie couldn’t help but wonder if Steve was sorry he asked. If he regretted ever bringing up such a sore subject. Eddie wanted to placate him as much as he wanted the same for himself, so he added–

“But… I’ll let you in on a secret, Harrington,” Eddie mumbled, picking at a loose thread in the bleached cotton of the hospital blanket.

“Oh?” Steve asked, looking so fucking blindingly hopeful and happy for him that Eddie forgot himself – who he was, deep down.

“Yeah. I’m, uh. I’m thinking of revising my previous stance on birthdays and the whole –” he waved a hand at the unspoken – the ‘not celebrating them’ thing.

“Can I ask?”

He didn’t want to admit that Steve could ask him for (or to do) just about anything, and Eddie would, without hesitation. Instead, Eddie inclined his head benevolently and wordlessly explained himself before Steve could pry further.

“All this ‘not-quite dying in the not-quite apocalypse’ has really helped me reconsider some things. I’ve got a whole new lease on life, and I guess that means I should, I don’t know, celebrate it,” he said, trying so hard to sound nonchalant about it.

“Besides, I think my mom would like it better if I did. For Wayne’s sake,” Eddie added ruefully, because he couldn’t not take the easy out if it was available to him.

Steve smiled all thoughtful and knowing, like Eddie had just told him Santa was real and, wouldn’t you know, they’re adding a second Christmas! or some shit.

“Yeah. For Wayne’s sake.”

His grin kept growing until it the corners of his eyes went crinkly and Eddie was forced to distract him with discussions of Lucas’ impending birthday just to keep himself from doing something stupid, like kiss Steve for being Steve.

    The present, unhospitalized Eddie feels faint. He wonders if he’d overdone it, hiking all the way up here, and if maybe he could avoid further self-imposed embarrassment by asking to lay down. At least that way he could dodge the rest of what was shaping up to be a thoroughly mortifying day.  

“Why–?” he finally manages to croak, leaning heavily against the tree beside Steve for support.

He doesn’t, for once, care how close they’re standing, or if it’s too much. The question wasn’t really meant for Steve, more of an outward call to himself, to god – to anyone that would listen – but Steve takes it at face value and plunges ahead.

“You said you wanted to make up for lost time, and then I was, y’know, thinking about all the time already lost and what if it wasn’t so… lost? Wait, that doesn’t make any sense–” Steve cuts himself off, shaking his head and barreling on.

“Just like, what if we actually made back the time for you– with you?”

“I thought…” he clears his throat awkwardly, clearly uncomfortable with the level of honesty the situation was demanding of him.

“Well, I just thought ‘you can’t celebrate makeup birthdays by yourself’ so why don’t we just–” Steve gestures flaccidly at the group beyond, oblivious to their present observers.

“– celebrate now. Together. Multiple times a year, if necessary, so you can get caught up.”

Well. Shit. Eddie’s at a complete loss for words because Steve, who continued to surprise the hell out of him at every turn, had planned… all this. Had remembered Eddie, thought about him, wanted to celebrate him (twice a year!) just to, what? Help him get a redo on Eddie’s dashed childhood dreams? He wanted to pinch himself but there was no way he could have dreamt this shit up.

“But it’s not my birthday,” Eddie hears himself rasp from a million miles away. He doesn’t mean to sound so… small.

“It’s a make-up birthday. There aren’t any rules about when you have to celebrate those,” Steve says, scrunching his eyebrows together and giving Eddie what he supposes might pass for an encouraging smile.

But he falters when he clocks Eddie’s (woozy? bereft? nauseated??) expression and jumps in for damage control.

“But, anyway,” he says, hurrying to rush through the rest of his explanation. “I know this isn’t much, and of course, obviously we’ll totally do something better for your actual birthday, but I figured, hey, let’s start small while you’re still on the mend and we can work our way to bigger, better parties later.”

Eddie wants to tell Steve it’s okay (even if he’s not so sure about that), he doesn’t need to blow a gasket trying to explain everything, but Steve barely sucks in a breath before he’s diving back in.

“And, yeah– I know, I know. It’s stupid to think we could ever stack up against what your mom did for your birthdays and this is probably a lot – way too much – but we– I wanted you to have this. You deserve it and I think we could all use an excuse to eat some fucking cake right now. So, if you need an excuse, there’s your out.”

Steve rushes through the last bit of his speech, looking exhausted and out of breath. It sounds a lot like one of Buckley’s arrhythmic rants and it’s endearing as shit. Steve’s looking anywhere but at Eddie, cheeks stained pink. He watches Steve fidget restlessly while he waits for Eddie to respond and, for once, Eddie doesn’t look away. He wants Steve to catch him noticing him.

And he does, for a second – glancing back at Eddie when he takes too long to respond. He watches the way his skin changes hue before his eyes, pink to red. Stressed. Embarrassed. Desperate for this gesture to go over well. He watches Steve break (again), caving in against the crushing blankness of Eddie’s non-response.

“I figured if we double up, you’ll be back on track in like, four– five years, max. Five years and you’ll have birthday accounted for.”

Steve finally seems to take a breath now, all his plans laid bare for Eddie to consider. He still isn’t quite looking at him, but Eddie knows him (it’s insane but it’s true, he knows Steve), and he knows Steve’s never faced a challenge he would back down from – up to and, apparently, including Eddie himself.

Eddie needs to blink a couple of times, swallowing drily when he realizes, yes, he is expected to weigh in on all these grand proclamations.

“Okay. That… makes sense,” Eddie begins slowly. “But I’ve got a follow up question, if that’s permitted.”

Steve scrunches his eyebrows together but nods, indicating that he should continue.

“What about my actual birthdays? All the new ones that aren’t part of the make-up agenda. Did you account for that in this five-year plan of yours?” Eddie asks, raising a questioning eyebrow at him.

There’s a thoughtful pause where Steve finally (finally!) meets his gaze, eyes searching his face. He eventually shrugs, lazily, but there’s a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth like he’s amused – happy Eddie has caught on and is willing to play along.

“Well, no. I hadn’t,” he admits, Eddie’s serious façade breaking Steve’ as he cracks a smile like he just can’t help himself.

“But we could always triple up, I suppose. Quarterly parties, maybe. ‘s a good excuse to celebrate more.”

“Can’t argue with a good excuse,” Eddie says ruefully, barely managing not to smile back at him for the sake of the joke.

“Besides– we’ve got all the time in the world to figure it out, right?” Steve asks, like it’s the easiest thing in the world to suggest they spend every birthday and not-quite birthday together indefinitely. Like it’s a given.

And, okay– Eddie had never been fortunate enough to think about time like that. As a given thing, something sure. He’s always thought about it in more finite terms – frail and fleeting, something so easily lost it was best not to think about the future in terms of existing definitely, lest he tempt some cruel god into snatching it away.

Nothing in his life had ever been a sure thing, not even staunch, dependable Wayne. Friends, family, relationships – they could all go poof and vanish at any time, and with no reason at all.

But Eddie was, in all his twenty (celebrated or otherwise) years, realizing that maybe that wasn’t how he should approach things anymore. Maybe he should let Steve and his blinding optimism rub off on him (not like that, but also very much like that) a little more.

So, yeah. Sure. Fuck it. They had all the time in the world. Why not? Who says things can’t be forever?

“Right,” Eddie says, mouth dry, eyes stinging against his will.

Steve must see the conflict in his eyes, or, at least, sees something there that has him reaching out for Eddie, grasping for his shoulder. His touch is hesitant at first, like he might wrench his hand away, wary of scaring Eddie off, but then he… settles. Lets his hand go still, thumb resting along the curve of his collarbone, trailing through the fabric of his shirt. He’s warm.

“We will do something better for the real deal, I swear.”

“We just– I wanted to do something for you today, even if you’re still in recovery,” Steve says, like Eddie would ever get hung up on how big of a party this was or the size of the cake or whatever bullshit people preoccupied themselves worrying over. Like that mattered at all.

Eddie has to swallow, and it’s hard because real, genuine tears are threatening to leak out and he’s mustering every ounce of willpower he has to keep from crying.

“No, it’s…” perfect. “It’s great. This is all so great. Thank you, Steve.”

It sounds a lot closer to ‘you’re great’ than he’d meant, but they were already here and Eddie was already swaying into Steve’s grip on his shoulder, too close, and if Steve didn’t already know how gone Eddie was on him, then he wasn’t going to hide it. They were being close enough to honest right now anyway.

“Of course,” Steve says, just as easily as before.

Like it’s true, like he means it (because it is and he does).

Eddie can’t help himself anymore, he has to wipe at his stinging, traitor eyes because everything’s gone all misty, his vision swimming. Steve lets him shrug his arm away and does the decent thing and stares out at their group just ahead, allowing Eddie to not-so-surreptitiously wipe at his tears.

It’s stupid, being so ridiculously overcome by a birthday party that isn’t even legit, but it’s also wonderful and it only makes him want to cry harder or do something insane like pull Steve in for a kiss or something equally as batshit.

He settles for bumping his shoulder against him, commiserating, and is rewarded for it when Steve bumps him back, leaning into the motion until they’re just resting against one another. Eddie sniffles, following his gaze through the parting of the trees toward their group.

Spots Elder Byers and Elder Wheeler leaned up against one another, talking with Wayne and Buckley in a circle across their blanket. Sees his kids – all their people – all amassed together in the sunshine. Waiting for them. For him.

All he had to do was walk forward, and he would be a welcome addition to this quaint picture of domesticity laid out before them.

“You ready?” Steve murmurs, quiet, even though they’ve yet to be spotted.

Just walk forward. Eddie tells himself that, for once, it’ll be easy.

“Yeah. I think so."

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

someone on twitter posted this chart that showed the average ratings for the inside no 9 episodes and i was FLABBERGASTED by the results of it... and like i didn't think my opinions on the eps were particularly Hot Takes but... now i'm not sure lol...

anyway prepare for a (very VERY long... i wrote over 4700 words what is WRONG with me lol?!?!) ranking list that no one asked for and no one wants lol

firstly check out the post i was talking about here (and potentially be equally as shocked at the results as i was lol)

ok so i will preface by saying i have seen most of the episodes twice, but some only the once atm... also, i kinda haphazardly put this list together so it's potentially subject to change lol

final thing is that i dont thing any of the episodes are BAD, even my least favourite are still good bits of telly, but ultimately i liked them less for whatever reason (which i'll go into because i love to ramble)...

i'll try not to do any spoilers in case anyone's reading this (lol) and hasn't seen the series (double lol)

also also we're going from my least to my most favourite because that builds suspense soooo.... here we go!

55) 1.4 Last Gasp

ok so i've not just put this one last because reece isn't in it lol (though that is part of the reason(ha) lmao). though i found the premise of this episode interesting, i think ultimately the characters and direction of the story felt a lot like something you would see in a sorta run-of-the-mill sitcom... which isn't necessarily a bad thing, just not really what i personally look for in an in9 ep lol...

54) 2.5 Nana's Party

another with a similar sorta vibe to the previous one, this is just slightly higher because i enjoyed the characters a bit more here lol... i think the 'twist' of this one was a little bit lame, though, if i'm being totally honest lol...

53) 5.3 Love's Great Adventure

i appreciated what this one was going for, and i think it built up the characters with each new day in a really believable way, but mostly i just found it Okay and not super memorable... i will say that i wish i could put this higher because the kid in this was genuinely adorable & his interactions with everyone were so sweet lol

52) 1.6 The Harrowing

a slightly disappointing episode for me, especially when the set up was SO good... and yes it was DEFINITELY let down by steve not being in it lol! i totally get why they wanted to try some eps without the both of them, but yeh it really felt like it was missing something for me...

the end was alright, but i kinda wish they'd gone further with it? i did enjoy the characters though and ofc helen mccrory is a goddamn LEDGE in it lol

51) 3.2 The Bill

this might be the first of my potentially Hot Takes(tm) lol... i thought it was just Fine lol... definitely some great interactions, and the premise is hilarious, but i wouldn't say it was one that stuck with me particularly? it kinda felt like a cut league of gentlemen gag which isn't a BAD thing, but because of that it didn't feel totally new/unique to in9... idk lol... great supporting cast, though, ofc!

50) 7.3 3 by 3

this one was definitely good fun, and lee mack is great in it, but it's not one i necessarily see myself watching again any time soon? i think part of this is because i didn't see this live, or witness all the Bus Episode(tm) fuckery so i think i am at a kinda disadvantage lol... but yeah mainly sad that neither steve nor reece are in it :(

49) 1.2 A Quiet Night In

another potentially Hot Take here lol... though i liked the whole idea of it being silent comedy, i think it was let down by a couple things. first, i kinda wish it had leaned more visually into the sorta slapstick/charlie chaplin era they were referencing (like i get they probably thought that it being in black and white would be a bit TOO on the nose, but idk... i kinda think it would've added to it? that might just be me though lol... i just like when things are in black and white lol)

honestly though? my main issue was the lame transphobic joke they made w/ oona chaplin's character lol... like even for 2014, the whole 'haha woman have penis = peak comedy' was a bit tired of a trope, coupled by what happens to her at the end of the episode? idk... rubbed me the wrong way and kinda stopped me from fully loving this episode lol

48) 5.1 The Referee's A Wanker (no i'm not censoring it like it does on the iplayer fuck that lol)

i'm kinda let down by being infinitely bored by anything football related with this one lol... like i liked some of the twists, and also the final twist (after my dad explained it to me because at first i was like huh what lol...), and the characters were fun, but yeh... not really much to say other than 'it was alright lol'

47) 4.5 And The Winner Is…

i actually did mostly enjoy this one lol! we're mostly getting to the ones now that i have minimal bad things to say about (which at number 47 out of 55 is p impressive lbr)

but yeh, the reveal of this was great, and i loved the individual characters (shout out to zoë wanamaker, she stole my heart lol <3) i suppose it's just kinda low because it wasn't that exciting lol? but yeh, a solid episode anyway lol

46) 8.5 Nine Lives Kat

i loved a lot about this one, the kinda russian doll style of reveals were really clever tbh! this is one that i've only seen once and i really do feel like i should watch this one again to get my full thoughts... so who knows, its ranking might change if i were to watch it again lol

also that kiss though 👀

45) 5.4 Misdirection

i loved the opening bit, plus the tension of this episode was fab! the twist was kinda predictable, which i don't consider a negative thing generally but it just means that it falls lower against episodes with more surprising twists lol... it's definitely one i wanna watch a few times since there's a lot of details you miss with just one!

44) 8.4 Love Is A Stranger

this one was probably the most black mirror-y feeling episode they've ever done (which is a compliment, btw, because i genuinely love black mirror lol) not just because of the technological elements, but also with the general tone and that twist! i actually kinda liked that steve and reece took more of a step back in this one, it let the other characters really shine imo!

43) 5.5 Thinking Out Loud

i feel kinda bad for putting this one so low since i think it's probably one of the most interesting both conceptually and stylistically, but... there are just so many good episodes what am i supposed to doooooooo?? (not much i can really say about this one without giving things away... i did really enjoy steve's american accent though lol!) 42) 7.4 Kid/Nap

i thought i was gonna kinda dislike this one when i started watching, the premise is pretty simple and i like the split screen stuff but was worried it was gonna come across as a bit gimmicky, but honestly? i had a lot of fun with it! some really brilliant twists and turns, and genuinely one of the funniest of the episodes imo! held together by the great performances and simple but effective story!

41) 8.6 The Last Weekend

this probably would have been higher if i had just based it on my first watch (which was before a certain other episode came out), but on second watch (and with the context of that other episode that has a similar sorta premise but, imo, done much better)

regardless, though, this is a pretty iconic and VERY memorable episode lol!

40) 1.5 The Understudy

ok so my very tiny complaint about this is i wish there were more of the surreal elements (kinda hard to describe but if you've seen the episode you know what i'm referring to lol)... anyway i generally really love things that are set around the theatre tbh and this one really highlights just how good they are as writers with a very limited setting and selection of characters!

but yeh... wish there were more of the surreal/strange moments if had dotted around!

39) 9.5 Curse Of The Ninth

i generally loved the spooky atmosphere of this one! another one that i feel i need to rewatch, i feel like the ending felt a bit abrupt on this one and i definitely kinda wish it had been slightly longer (just like an extra 5 minutes come ON lads) but overall i really liked it! it's my least favourite of series 9, which really shows how strong of a final series it was tbh lol!

38) 6.3 Lip Service

there's so much to like in this episode; great layers of comedy and tragedy, plus the twist really caught me off-guard lol! definitely one of the more complicated episodes (and yes, i also need to rewatch this one lol...) 37) 5.2 Death Be Not Proud

i first watched this one with literally no knowledge of psychoville, but even then i still enjoyed it (also jenna coleman!!! kinda wish we'd seen more of her since she kinda got overshadowed by the psychoville characters, but she's still great lol), though rewatching it once i had watched the other show definitely made a lot of the references make more sense lol

wish i could put it higher just because mr jelly!!!!! love that guy, but the overall story isn't the most interesting or unique compared to the others, but it's still great regardless lol

36) 9.4 Ctrl Alt Esc

another episode that has a similar concept to an episode i like more, which is sorta preventing this from being any higher, but regardless i adored the setting (i've never been to an escape room but i have a strong feeling i'd love them lol), and i think it did such a good job at making us understand the family dynamics really quickly and effectively! also one of steve's strongest performances, i gotta say! he plays these kinds of understated characters so well imo

35) 7.5 A Random Act Of Kindness

i really like the episodes of in9 that feel like almost love letters to a particular subject and how that relates to people and their relationships... curse of the ninth was about music and the act of creation, misdirection was magic and revenge, and this one is dedicated to science, regret and loss! i think i kinda wish it ended in a different way, but i don't think the ending took away any of the rest of my enjoyment of the episode lol

34) 6.6 Last Night Of The Proms

i was most shocked that based on the ratings this is apparently the least liked episode lol? it's arguably the most political of the in9 episodes so i don't know if that's why people are a bit torn about it? or the religious elements lol?

either way overall i really liked it! i think it did a good job of combining the absurd premise with the slight political commentary, plus i really enjoyed the characters (and loved the thick west country accents lol)

33) 2.6 Seance Time

there are so many great elements of this that i can't talk about cos i don't wanna give away any spoilers, but honestly this one has some great twists as well as some genuinely pretty intense moments! i can't explain it but i feel like this would be a really good episode for anyone who hasn't seen the show before to start with? i just feel like it has a perfect 'inside no 9' energy to it lol

32) 8.1 The Bones Of St Nicholas

this might be one of my favourite interpretations of a typical ghost story tbh! possibly genuinely one of the only episodes of the show that actually scared me a bit, ngl! the overall spooky atmosphere is just so great. plus simon callow!!!!!!!!

31) 6.1 Wuthering Heist

another of my potential Hot Takes since a lot of people didn't seem to like this one? i found it genuinely really funny, plus the whole commedia dell'arte + the breaking the fourth wall thing were such unique concepts to throw into one episode lol! i think maybe it's because there were so many slightly strange concepts that people felt it was a bit unfocused??? idk... the ending wasn't my favourite, but i just felt generally the episode felt like nothing i'd really seen before!

also gemma whelan (whose name i had to google oops... she's SUCH a familiar face to me but i don't think i ever learnt her name lol) was so good in this lol

30) 9.6 Plodding On

sorta hard to know where to put the finale tbh... i've only watched it the once through, so definitely need to watch it again at some point. at the same time it's basically a love letter to the rest of the show itself, so it's sorta difficult to judge based on its own merit lol...

that being said, i loved the drama and tension, plus all (well most, ahem) of the cameos from all the people who were in the show in the past were really lovely!

but yeh... definitely a weird one to try and rank... almost feel like i need to put it in it's own list pfft

29) 7.2 Mr King

one of the first truly Bat Shit episodes on my list so far lol! i love the setting and the kid actors in this were INCREDIBLE honestly! another one i don't wanna say much about it because it's kinda better to go in blind lol

only thing i'll say is: ok but whose dicks were those pictures of? they probably mentioned it in a behind the scenes episode or on twitter or smth but i've not seen anything and i'm kinda intrigued did they just.... find them online? did they ask staff? how does one find random pictures of penises(peni?) to use in your dark comedy show lol???

28) 9.1 Boo To A Goose

there's a lot to love about this episode, SO many absolutely incredible british actors (joel fry, susan wokoma, mark bonnar!!!!) plus drag queen steve!??! hELLO???? AND it's on a train!!!! the twist definitely felt reminiscent of a lot of other older horror media, but that didn't stop it being surprising or memorable!

27) 4.4 To Have And To Hold

1st thing: good for her.

2nd thing, this episode was SO good! i had no idea where it was gonna go with the story so the reveal was super shocking to me, plus nicola walker seriously KILLED with her performance ngl!

this is definitely a slow burn episode, so if at any point you're feeling like it's dragging i do implore you to stick with it!

26) 4.6 Tempting Fate

now, if we were ranking these on 'how cute reece looks' then this would be in the top 3 at least sorry not sorry... unfortunately we're NOT ranking them based on that criteria so it'll have to remain at 26th place lol

i really enjoyed the premise and characters of this one! i also especially liked how the hare from this episode is featured in every episode of the show which creates this really kinda insane idea that what if every single story is actually connected lol?!?!

25) 1.1 Sardines

i feel like i should put this one higher because it is pretty iconic first episode of the show, but there are just so many good episodes what am i supposed to DO?!!!!!!?!?

this is technically the episode i've seen the most, i believe, and i do still find so much to enjoy about it even though i've seen it like 3+ times at this point! so many great actors involved lol

side note, i had not actually heard of sardines as a game until i watched this and wasn't entirely sure if they'd just made it up pfft... anyway maybe it's just a northern thing or smth because i'm sure we didn't have this in the south pfft... just plain ol' hide and seek lol

24) 8.3 Paraskevidekatriaphobia

one of the most jarring twists (literally kinda feels like it comes out of nowhere, at least to me pfft), but i definitely still liked it! there was a nice bit of slapstick comedy in this which i appreciated! there were also a lot of superstitions in this that i wasn't familiar with (like the peacock feather one lol)

not really much else to say, it's just a really solid episode lol!

23) 7.1 Merrily Merrily

i did love that this one felt legit like a reunion between the (3) members of the league of gentlemen tbh they were obviously still playing characters, but their interactions just felt so natural and i really enjoyed it! plus diane motherfucking morgan is one of the funniest people alive i SWEAR to god lol! the pee scene made me cry with laughter ngl lol

i honestly think this one is kinda underrated? idk if it was because it was more emotional and character driven than some of the others? (which doesn't make sense since The most popular episode is an emotional, character driven one pfft... idk... people are strange)

22) 6.4 Hurry Up And Wait

so if we were ranking these based on 'how cute reece looks' then this would be RIGHT at the bottom because girl WHAT was that fucking wig?!?! thankfully we're NOT ranking it on that so this gets to be at 22nd lol

as said before, i really like films and shows that deal with theatre or actors, so it was really fun to see actors acting like complete divas lol i was a little worried that the mystery element was going to be another kinda lazy lame joke, but they actually went more of an interesting direction with it imo!

21) 2.3 The Trial Of Elizabeth Gadge

part of me kinda wished they'd done more historical episodes like this because I genuinely loved the setting! there's also a great load of humour in this one, which a pretty legendary couple of twists at the end that made me go like 'OHHHH!??!!' when i first watched it pfft

20) 3.4 Empty Orchestra

arguably the most wholesome episode of the entire show, and usually i wouldn't be a big fan of this kinda episode (like i said i didn't the bottom 2 eps because they felt too much like generic sitcoms lol), BUT there was something in the characters and the genuinely really uplifting and kinda sweet vibe of this one that i couldn't help but love lol!

it's also the closest we got to a musical episode which i'm STILL bummed we never got... like yeh i get logistically it's super hard to do but .... i wanted to hear them sing :((((((

19) 9.3 Mulberry Close

another case of 'there's another similar episode that i liked more' which is sorta why this isn't higher lol regardless, it's such a clever concept to be told entirely through the cctv footage, and the general story and collection of characters were super interesting! i haven't rewatched it yet so definitely need to give it another go lol!

18) 4.7 Dead Line

ok so i need y'all to know that i was watching this literally YEARS after the ep aired with me dad but we STILL got bamboozled by the show cutting out pfft... which might just be because we're dumb but i like to think it's also just because it's so well crafted! it is another one that you need to go in blind imo so please just check it out if you haven't!

recently watched a great video essay on yt where someone spoke about this episode (check it out here!)

17) 2.2 The 12 Days Of Christine

gasp 12 days of christine? not in the top 10???!?!

ok this is IS an amazing episode, and sheridan smith is honestly one of the most under-appreciated british actors imo

BUT idk i think on rewatch the impact of the twist had definitely lessened? like i remember coming up with all these theories on my first watch which were TOTALLY wrong lol... and yeh like there are definitely just other eps i like more... it's good! it's SO good! i still love it! i just... idk lol

16) 3.6 Private View

maybe it's the art nerd in me but i really did love this one lol! i liked the murder mystery vibe of this one with a group of people being invited to an mysterious location and as a viewer you spend the whole time desperately trying to figure out their connection lol!

i liked the small peter kay cameo, plus morgana robinson as a big brother celeb was so fucking funny lol! plus the twists were really mad and i loved them lol!

15) 2.1 La Couchette

very similar to the previous one, but i really did love the collection of kooky characters here lol plus as someone who has been in several hostels (not on a train, but hostels are hostels) i relate HEAVILY to being surrounded by just the strangest and loudest people you will ever meet pfft...

(shout out to the korean guy that came in at like 2am, showered (the shower was right next to the beds so we could hear everything) and he appeared to have everything he ever owned in paper bags which he rustled about for like 20 minutes... i really contemplated murder that night lemme tell you...)

uh anyway yeh this episode is great lol!

14) 6.2 Simon Says

we're onto my ultimate favourite episodes at this point btw lol

this episode is full of great twists and suspense, plus nick mohammed! i like the way they explored fandom culture in a way that didn't feel like it was being overtly mean to the idea of fandom itself (cough unlike sherlock cough and supernatural cough)!

also if we were ranking these episodes based on 'how cute steve looks' then this would be number 1 hands DOWN lol!

13) 1.3 Tom and Gerri

my highest rated series 1 epsiode! i'd actually forgotten about the twist of this one when i rewatched it recently, but i still really loved it tbh!

a great combination of horror with a really emotional through line, plus even at the end you're never really sure what is real or not lol...

12) 3.3 Riddle Of The Sphinx

this episode is SO fucked up and SO good lol!!! you never guess where the story is going next and it's just a wild experience lol! again, don't wanna say too much to give anything away but i will say i understand cryptic crosswords even LESS after watching this twice pfft...

11) 4.1 Zanzibar

if i had any skills i would write my review for this in imabic pentameter ... but alas i do not

this episode felt like such an amazing demonstration of reece and steve's writing prowess! it's funny, the story is absolutely mad with so many crazy twists, and a stellar cast! so worth a watch, especially if you like anything vaguely shakespearan and theatrical lol!

10) 6.5 How Do You Plead

another one where i had SO many theories of where the episode was going to go only to be completely wrong and the twist shook me and i LOVED it! there isn't really much to the story, but it's truly carried by the brilliant performances imo!

9) 3.1 The Devil Of Christmas

i've not really heard anyone talk about this episode much but i was so taken aback by how much i really loved it! jessica raine absolutely NAILS her performance as a 60s/70s actor, and the general film aesthetic and dialogue style is just perfect, and the reveals throughout the episode just add so SO much to the enjoyment of this!

i have a feeling this might actually go up in my rankings when i eventually rewatch it because there are just SO many interesting layers to it imo!

also i just realised i've included the two episodes derek jacobi was in back to back pfft.. wasn't on purpose but he is a legend lol!

8) 9.2 The Trolley Problem

highest rated 9th series episode woop woop!

i rewatched this one recently and realised it reminded me a lot of the story in Last Weekend, but just as i said in that review, i much preferred the way this story was handled to the other one!

(don't get me wrong, they're VERY different just... sorta similar vibes lol)

anyway this is a very dark episode, both physically (it's set at night and i can't see a THING) and conceptually, but the way this combined the psychology elements with comedy is truly masterful!

7) 5.6 The Stakeout

ok so Funny Story about this one

i'd been on a big binge of in9 episodes a few years back and i got to this one and was about half way through when i realised i needed to take a break lol it didn't help that the episode itself is pretty slow burn, especially after watching some of the others that are a lot more fast paced lol... so basically, i paused it with the intention of returning in a few days or so except... then several years go by and i STILL hadn't seen the end of it pfft

anyway, finally watched it this year and it instantly got transported into my top 10 because that twist was SO iconic lol! it's so simple of a concept (steve and reece spend the entire time yapping in a police car) but it's so cleverly written!

6) 8.2 Mother's Ruin

i was a little bit surprised that this one had a lower rating than the rest of series 8 tbh? anyway i LOVED this one lol! the incense line make me laugh every time i hear it, and in general i loved the relationship between the brothers and everything surrounding their mother!

also as someone who recently watched the film reece was in called 'the cottage' (which also starred andy serkis), i can't help but think it was at least somewhat of an inspiration for this episode lol (they may have talked about this already btw but idk)

5) 7.6 Wise Owl

oof... this episode made me go Oof about 500 times after i watched it

it's a good oof... but it is an oof lol

i haven't rewatched it yet and i'm kinda nervous about doing it cos it did sorta emotionally devastate me lol

4) 4.3 Once Removed

in terms of how this story is told, i'd honestly say it was my ultimate favourite inside no 9 format! it's not something i've ever really seen before and it felt so interesting and built the story in such a unique way! also shout out to monica dolan (whose name i forget EVERY time idk why) who is honestly one of the best british actors ever yes i know i've said that about everyone on this list but shhhhhhhhhhh lol

also absolutely loved all the andrew lloyd webber stuff (which isn't a spoiler btw lol...)

3) 2.4 Cold Comfort

another one where i mentioned before that in Mulberry Close there's another episode with the concept of the story being exclusively filmed through cctv footage (deadline also does it but shhh)! i love that concept, especially with the multiple screens where you're constantly aware of things happening in the other booths which just keeps you on edge!

the reveal is super chilling and though i haven't rewatched it yet, i am honestly really excited to because i feel there were SO many things i missed on my first watch!

2) 4.2 Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room

oof part TWO lol... another one i haven't rewatched because it made me cry and i need at least another few months to recover from the first watch pfft... it is still funny btw! i think a lot of people talk about episodes like this and how sad they are, but it has a lot of great comedy in it which is i think part of why the emotionality hits so hard!

side note, i keep accidentally calling this 'bernie CLIFFORD'S dressing room' and i have no idea why lol... i don't think there's anyone called bernie clifford lol??? help?????

1) 3.5 Diddle Diddle Dumpling

trying to figure out my favourite episode was kinda hard, and i think any one of my top 15 could ultimately take this place, but honestly? rewatching this one i just was so overwhelmed with how beautifully crafted this episode is!

it also features my favourite performance by reece... a amazing combination of subtle moments with the bigger explosions of emotion, you instantly feel so much for his character tbh!

the twist isn't necessarily as shocking or intense as others, but there's something so heartbreaking when you realise it that changes the entire feeling of the episode... also mathew baynton is briefly there which i enjoyed lol!

i'm so sorry this post was so long lmao i'm sure no one will have read this far but if you HAVE then THANK you <3 i really love this show can u tell? WHY did it take me so long to get into it smh smh smh smh

anyway if you have read this far then let me know what your favourites were or just if you have general thoughts on my general thoughts u know? idk basically my ask box is always open if anyone wants to ramble about this show or whatever else lol

[ponyosmom35]

I'm sorry

bittersweet chapter fourteen

steve harrington x fem oc

synopsis: Steve is desperate to change things between him and Indie and he swallows his pride and apologizes.

warnings: angst, steve feels guilty, oc is harsh but forgives him

link to master list:

https://www.tumblr.com/ponyosmom35/733401347573088256/simon-ghost-riley?source=share

Steve walked up to Indie’s house, his hair messy and his face tired. He knocked on the door and waited for a response.

She opened the door without looking first and made eye contact with him, gasping in shock. The shock quickly turned into anger. Her eyes observed the grotesque wounds on his face from the fight with Johnathon, not finding it within herself to have an ounce of sympathy. Steve Harrington disappointed her, she never would have expected him to be such an awful person. Breaking Johnathons camera, his lack of care for Barb’s disappearance, and his wretched comments to Jonathan before they fought. Indie had spent her entire life looking up to Steve, she fell in love with him as soon as she laid eyes on him. The person she created in her heart and mind was not the man who stood before her today.

Despite her heroic attempt to save him from the demogorgon the night before she still stared at him with an icy glare. 

Steve sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair. He didn’t exactly know what to say; he wasn’t even sure why he was here in the first place. But he had to say something.

“Can we talk?”

“Whats there to say?” she asked.

He let out a short breath through his nose, hesitating before speaking. He looked at her, noticing her expression of anger, but also the bags under her eyes. That was enough to make him feel a little guilty.

“Look, I know I’m probably the last person you wanna talk to, but…” He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, pausing for a moment before continuing. “I’m sorry about your sister.”

He looked at her to gauge her reaction. He knew it probably wasn’t enough to change anything, but he genuinely was sorry.

“You’re sorry?” she asked, crossing her arms.

He looked down at the ground for a moment before meeting her eyes again. He was never the best at expressing himself. It was obvious that after the shock of the harrowing fight with the demogorgan she’d remembered all the shitty things he’d done. 

“Yeah… I am,” he mumbled, a guilty look on his face.

“Great, thanks for stopping by, Harrington. See you at school, or I won’t because you don’t notice freaks like me” she scoffed, going to shut the door in his face.

He stopped the door from closing and looked at her with a determined expression. “Wait… I have more to say to you,” he said quickly, desperate to get it out before she ended the conversation.

“She looked at him expectantly.

He could tell she was still upset, but at least she was giving him a chance to talk. He took a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts before speaking again.

“I know we haven’t actually talked much, but… every interaction we’ve had has been awful and I’ve said so many things that I didn’t mean”

He paused, not knowing what he should say. He ran a hand through his hair again, sighing quietly before continuing.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that you were right, I feel awful for everything that happened to your sister. It was my goddamn party, and Barb was there because of me. She got dragged into all that bullshit because of me.”

He looked at her, silently asking to tell her something important. His expression was guilty, but also a bit frustrated; he didn’t know what to say next.

Her frown softened as she stared up at him. “It wasn’t your fault, Steve. You couldn’t have known what was gonna happen. I never should have blamed you - that wasn’t fair. I am sorry about how I projected my shit on you”

He sighed again, shaking his head slightly. “Please don’t apoligize, you were 100% right. It was brutal but I needed to hear it. Indie that conversation changed me, you fucking flipped my world upside down and rewired my brain”

“What?” she asks staring at him in confusion.

“You made me realize that I’d become this version of myself that I didn’t recognize and I had to look in the mirror and ask myself who I am”

“Steve-” 

“But I still should’ve… done something. Made sure she got home safely, or that she wasn’t left alone or something… I don’t know. I wish I could change things, I swear to god I would go back and make sure she was safe, fuck I’m gonna regret that forever. I need you to know that this isn’t lost on me, I see what I’ve done and I’m so fucking sorry” 

He looked away, guilt still weighing on his mind.

“This isn’t on you,” she said. “Please don’t hold that in your heart, I was grieving and I was so fucking angry with the world, you caught me at the worst possible time and I unleashed all of that pain onto you and that was so unfair. I don’t blame you, please don’t blame yourself”

He kept looking away, not saying anything in response.

“I appreciate you coming by,” she added “it says a lot that you’re standing here right now”

He looked at her for a moment, his expression hard to read. He was a lot calmer now that he’d talked to her more, and the guilt was now replaced with a sort of curiosity, though he tried to ignore it.

“Yeah… um, no problem. I just wanted to apologize… I’m also sorry about your friend Jonathan, uh all of it - it was stupid I was a dick.”

“You were,” she nodded. “He didn’t deserve that.”

He looked away again, still feeling guilty. He knew Jonathan didn’t deserve it, but at the time, he was just being an immature prick like usual. He sighed as he spoke but tried to keep his expression neutral.

“No, he didn’t”

She nodded and looked at him, still shocked that he was even talking to her. He looked at her, his expression softening just a bit. He couldn’t help but notice how small she was. He’d seen her in the halls at school before, but he always just kinda glanced past her. She was adorable, that was for sure.

“Finally I want to express my deepest apologies for calling you a freak and for implying that you were sleeping with Johnathon. I was projecting my anger on you”

“I forgive you” she nods “sounds like we’re pretty even”

He had so many questions to ask her, and he had no idea why he suddenly felt so intrigued by her. All he could do was stand there and silently stare. He’d gone his entire life without ever speaking to this girl, she was a year behind him. Sure, he’d seen her, he knew of her. In Hawkins, you know everyone. But it wasn’t until she saved him last night that he really saw her. As he stood on her porch he wondered how it could have taken him so long. 

“Listen, Indie, I know that in the past my friends have been dicks, and I promise you right now that I’ll make sure it never happens again.”

“Why would you do that for me?” she asked in confusion.

He looked at her as she asked that, pausing for a moment before responding.

“I don’t know. I just… I don’t know. You just seem like you’ve been through enough bullshit lately, and you don’t deserve any of it, I guess. I just…” He couldn’t really explain why he suddenly felt this desire to protect her, but it was there, whether he liked it or not.

He looked at the small girl in front of him, still struggling to find the right words to say.

“I know you may feel like you’re alone right now, but I want you to know that I’m here for you, if you ever wanna talk.”

“You mean that?” she asked.

He nodded, looking her directly in the eyes as he responded. “I mean it. I’m here for you, whatever you need. Anytime.”

“Thank you, Steve” she said, offering him a small smile.

A small smile crept onto his face as she thanked him. He wasn’t used to feeling these sorts of things for anyone, much less someone he just met. It was weird, but he also kinda liked it, though he would never admit that out loud. He couldn’t help but admire how cute and pretty she looked when she smiled, but he quickly tried to focus on something else.

“Of course. You’re not alone anymore, red.” he says

“See you at school legohead?” she asks watching as he smiles at the nickname

“Yes ma’am” 

[raayllum]

I keep thinking about the key of Aaravos because it is rarely mentioned at all since season 2. Law of Chekov Gun says it should have a big role eventually but we still don't know what it does. What do you think it does?

Barely mentioned since S2??

Oh, the Key's never been more relevant than in S4 my dear sweet anon (honestly may be worth doing a post just about it in that season since, somehow, I haven't yet and S6 is right around the corner)

The season I'd argue it has the least on screen relevance in S3 (it's there mostly for fun Xadian shenanigans in 3x02, and then isn't on screen at all until 3x08, in which its presence helps Callum realize he can use the moon opal necklace to hopefully help Rayla) and technically S5 due to lack of screentime, even though it looms over Callum relentlessly due to its Aaravos-dark magic-negative associations. There's a reason they use the pawn Callum intro, and that the pawn Callum intro has the Key in it at all (bc it did not Need to) in 4x04, honestly more importantly, 5x08.

In short, though:

I have 3-4 main ideas about what the cube may be / what it does. Some of these work under the assumption that Aaravos wants the cube back, but he may be totally disinterested in it, so there's some accommodation for that as well.

The Key isn't drawn to a place, but is drawn to Aaravos himself; it holds his memories (explaining how they knew his treachery) or his heart piece, and it'll help restore Aaravos to his full power

The Key holds a general quasar diamond, such as Laurelion's (if he and Aaravos aren't the same person lmao)

The Key was used to help humans develop dark magic and it doesn't do much else

The Key helps unlock the Star Nexus or to find wherever the other Startouch elves have gone, and can help Aaravos 'go home'

Honourary mentions: the Key is drawn to something in Elarion, the Key actually was a gift for Leola, the Key is also connected to deep magic (ties into the dark magic development honestly for me), etc etc.

I could also see the Key eventually being more positive - helping Callum more directly with magic or defeating Aaravos or something - but that'd largely be a subversion of the previous set up / symbolism, so if it did happen, it'd get pushed until like S7 or something. That said, I doubt it'll just have a positive subversion without serving a more negative purpose of some kind, first; it flashes a bright white light in the Pawn intro after all, and that just seems to indicate that Callum's going to play into Aaravos' hands regardless (and 'light'/white is often bad in TDP, anyway).

If you're interested in more Key of Aaravos thoughts I'd recommend checking out this tag, and these metas specifically:

Opposing Symbolism: Harrow and the Key of Aaravos (post-s4; mostly about how affectionately weird it was to use the key as a symbol in 2x08 of dark magic when Claudia's dark magic book is right there, but it makes more sense with S5 context of dark magic temptation and Aaravos)

The Key of Aaravos, a Formal Analysis (pre-s5; it's worth noting that rune placement symbolism does come into play, as 2x08 foreshadowed Callum's dark magic use in 5x08 and that it would be on Rayla's behalf)

Key to Aaravos' Heart Theory: S4 edition, S5 edition (the cube holds a quasar diamond, specifically Aaravos' chest piece)

Unlocks a Place of Great Power, an Elarion Analysis (the cube helped develop dark magic)

Rayla's weird associations with the Key of Aaravos (pre-S4 but S4 definitely added to it on god, since her associated-moon opal is what lights up the cube on the Bridge of Darkness, putting them in danger, and it's on her goddamn shoulder in her big dramatic 4x02 appearance)

[cindfourth]

Whumptober Day 2

“They don’t care about you.”

She’d heard it all her life. From Harrow, of course. What if my other parent is someone important then you’ll be sorry.

“It doesn’t matter, Griddle. They don’t care about you.”

She heard it so many times it became a part of her. The Reverend Mother and Father, Crux, Harrow, the horrible great aunts. Aiglamene. They don’t care about you. 

Then she got asked how big her biceps were. She was offered an obscene amount of dessert. Someone took her hand in his and held it. Small hands clutched at her robes in a pool.

By the time she opened her eyes again in a mockery of her body she was convinced it had been a dream. Her important parent dressed her up and paraded her around, but her fuckoff shit only companion confirmed it. He doesn’t care about you. They don’t care about you.

Only as far as they could use her for their own fucking purposes. Puncturing the goddamn femoral sheath her ass. But there was an odd comfort in the confirmation.

They don’t care about you.

[stars-and-birds]

guess who just finished harrow the ninth (i’m gonna kms)

AHHHHHHDHSJNSJSHGWJSJHEBSUHSBE

anyway here are my chronological thoughts from earlier

god. rereading parts of the book, you can see she almost never says ortus/gideon’s name aloud. jesus. tasmyn muir u are insane

i have no caption i just love gideon 

hot 

THEM. god.

all these characters are so fun to read about. i’m glad we got to see more of abigail this book 

PRO NOOOO

something about harrow having no one growing up but then have all these people willing to risk their lives again to exorcise a ghost from her body is just. goddamn. 

OH GOD MAGNUS

one thing about gideon nav is she will be injured and in a foreign body and alone on a god’s spaceship-house and still keep a kill count 

something something love triangle 

oh this is so juicy 

SHE KEPT THE SUNGLASSES. (not to sound like a broken record but. god.)

oh. ow

i am going to cry on this fucking train 

absolutely amazing how this book can make me go from internally sobbing to cackling 

oh shit. ortus. no don’t die dude. (he was growing on me. and he means so much to harrow)

quick break to say that i noticed anastasia’s cav was named samael novenary, and wasn’t that the name of the chain or whatever that harrow nova had?

oh???? who is this????

MATTHIAS NONUIS????

okay not to bring up toh but the sleeper saying “i killed wizard’s filth like you all my life” is giving philip wittebane idk (also makes me think that the sleeper is maybe someone from before the ressurection?)

god, the way harrow thinks of gideon even when she’s not there, how she’d act, what she’d say…

LMFAO great callback

i think i forgot to post this but btw when corona came back i grinned so hard i missed her sm

oh no. noooooo. 

abigail saying she feels responsible for harrow is sO—

god this is all too much i’m gonna cry 

commander wake— who’s that again? the dude from the blood of eden? or someone else?

what the FUCK is going on?? mercy was working for wake??? huh????

gideons mom is WAKE?! (not confirmed yet but. that’s what i’m getting. right? bc it was nineteen years ago??)

“the woman i was pretty sure was actually my mother—wearing the body of a woman i’d had a crush on, who in turn had been wearing the identity of a woman she’d murdered, until i fell on a spike so that my boss could kill her—craned her head around in her bonds” well. that’s one hell of a sentence.

oh my god. oh my god.

ALECTO?????????

OH ALECTO IS HARROWS FREEZER MEAT GIRLFRIEND 

wait is she???? i’m confused 

oh. god is dead. holy fuck

oh. god is no longer dead. what the fuck 

how the hell do you even pronounce pyrrah dve

does gideon have three fathers (god gideon the prequel and pyrrah dve fucking apparently)

IS IANTHE DEAD

IS GIDEON DEAD

IS HARROW DEAD?!???

okay okay whoever that is in the epilogue (who i’m guessing is nona) is being cared for by judith corona and cam right??

WHY DOES IT ONLY SAY GIDEON WILL RETURN HARROWS NOT DEAD RIGHT

SHHHHEJSBAKMS

[steddie-island]

November has been a really great month, reading-wise. I've finished 16 books this month (though, to be fair, a few of them were not started in November and several were very short!)

Finished

The Haunting of Alejandra - V. Castro 4/5 ⭐️

Electric Idol - Katee Robert 3.5/5 ⭐️

Learn My Lesson - Katee Robert 5/5 ⭐️

A Worthy Opponent - Katee Robert 4/5 ⭐️

Death Between the Pages - Peggy Jaeger 3.5/5 ⭐️

The Hellbound Heart - Clive Barker 3/5⭐️

My Darling Dreadful Thing - Johanna van Veen 5/5⭐️

Requiem for a Memory - Saige Denmark 2.5/5⭐️

Hunt on Dark Waters - Katee Robert 3/5⭐️

The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson 4/5⭐️

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke - Eric LaRocca 2/5 ⭐️

Camp Damascus - Chuck Tingle 4/5⭐️

When I Arrived at the Castle - Emily Carroll 4/5⭐️

From the Belly - Emmett Nahil 5/5⭐️

Hexis - Charlene Elsby 3/5⭐️

Hampton Heights: One Harrowing Night in the Most Haunted Neighborhood in Milwaukee, Wisconsin - Dan Kois 4/5⭐️ (This was sort of a book of short stories and would've been a solid 3/5 but one of the stories gave it another full star!)

How to Sell a Haunted House - Grady Hendrix 5/5⭐️

Incidents Around the House - Josh Malerman 5/5⭐️

The Mary Shelley Club - Goldy Moldavsky 4/5⭐️ (Could have used another edit, basically the first half of the book was setup, but holy shit it had a GREAT ending.)

My Best Friend's Exorcism - Grady Hendrix 4/5⭐️

A House at the Bottom of a Lake - Josh Malerman 4/5⭐️

We Used to Live Here - Marcus Kliewer 4/5⭐️

Horror Movie - Paul Tremblay 4/5⭐️

Pearl - Josh Malerman 3/5⭐️

Home is Where the Bodies Are - Jeneva Rose 3/5⭐️ This is like, a high 3 but not quite high enough for me to just round it up to a 4. There were bits that didn't and still don't make sense but it was still a good story.

A Dowry of Blood - S.T. Gibson 3/5⭐️ - Man I really really wanted to love this one and I just did not. It was Fine. I honestly think it would make a better movie than it made a book.

The Salt Grows Heavy - Cassandra Khaw - 2/5⭐️ -- Another one I wanted to love. I ate Nothing But Blackened Teeth up and have re-listened to it because it's so well done. This book was less than 100 pages and it took me over six months to read. I tried the audiobook, I tried the physical book, and this was just. Not a book that I enjoyed. It felt like a chore, but I made myself finish it.

Someone You Can Build a Nest In - John Wiswell 4/5⭐️ -- Very cozy, very sweet. This was recommended to me by someone recommending horror but this was honestly more fantasy than horror, it felt very D&D. I don't normally reach for fantasy but I'm glad I read this one.

Graveyard Shift - M.L. Rio 4/5⭐️

20th Century Ghosts - Joe Hill 4/5⭐️ -- Man there were a couple of stories in here that were so good. I wanted to give a book of short stories all written by the same author a chance and I'm glad I did. Pop Art and The Cape were both so fucking good and in entirely different ways.

You Like It Darker - Stephen King 4/5⭐️

Maus - Art Spiegelman

Maus II - Art Spiegelman - I honestly do not know how to rate these books. I rate based on how much I enjoyed the story, and I did not enjoy these at all but I don't think we're meant to? Like it's a horrific story but this was a great medium for telling it. It feels weird saying it made it more palatable when it was still so fucking horrifying, but it kind of did just that.

Red, White, and Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston 5/5⭐️ -- I had a tough time getting through this because we read it for book club during an election season. I didn't let that color how I felt about the book, though. I enjoyed this one so fucking much. Like the BANTER, my lord. So fucking good.

Wild Spaces - S.L. Coney 3/5⭐️

Coup de Grâce - Sofia Ajram 4/5⭐️

Gwendy's Button Box - Richard Chizmar, Stephen King 4/5⭐️

Gwendy's Magic Feather - Richard Chizmar 3/5⭐️

Gwendy's Final Task - Richard Chizmar, Stephen King 4/5⭐️

Penpal - Dathan Auerback 5/5⭐️ -- Goddamn. Just. Goddamn. It's been two days and I'm still thinking about this one.

Diavola - Jennifer Thorne 5/5⭐️

Currently reading

Season of Love - Helena Greer

Monstrilio - Gerardo Sámano Córdova

Upcoming TBR

We Came to Welcome You - Vincent Tirado

Delicate Condition - Danielle Valentine (I'm going to start one of these today probably but I'm not sure which!)

Intercepts - TJ Payne

DNFs of the year (I've removed anything that I had on here that I am actually going to try to tackle again!)

Wrong Place, Wrong Time - Gillian McAllister -- Another one that I wanted to love but after getting roughly half-way through the book I just. Did not care. At all.

(Previous versions of this post x x x x x )

[iasmelaion]

what happens when you listen to three audiobooks in like a week and a half

We've been at trial for like the past two weeks at work, which means I have been alone in the office, with approximately 2 hours worth of work to do every day max, mostly just there to answer frantic emails and texts about "what exhibit number is [vague and potentially inaccurate description of email or other document]?" and occasionally file supplemental trial briefs. Anyway, it's all up to the jury now! Only not now now because it is a court holiday and because this case lives to torment me and never ever ever finish ahahaha it's fine i'm fine, we better win.

Anyway, all of that is to say I was bored as hell so I decided to finally finish listening to the audiobook of Gideon the Ninth, which I had started listening to LAST FEBRUARY. You can perhaps guess that, as good as the audiobook narration was, I was not entirely feeling the book. Ahaha. Ha. I was already mentally writing my Goodreads review, complaining about how yes, the narrative voice is great, and yeah, the set up and genre mashup are fun (lesbian necromancers in space! country manor mystery! slasher horror!), but there's just not enough context and the worldbuilding is so vague and what are the overarching stakes even. And then the last 1/3 of the book happened, and I listened to all three current books in the series in like a week and a half and I have spent the last two days rotating these characters in my head and reading meta and such. Sorry in advance about how in approximately two weeks time, my queue will be full of TLT shit.

Spoilers and assorted jumbled reactions below, because I'm not about to ramble like this on goodreads. But real talk, I have skimmed so much spoilery talk/fan art/etc about these books and absolutely none of it made any sense at the time so tbh I don't think it matters all that much if you're spoiled. The spoilers won't even make any damn sense most of the time.

I wish I could give this series some kind of pitch that would, idk, explain it or make it seem enticing, but lol I have no idea where I'd even start. I'll just say that if you are in need of Enrichment in your Enclosure, these books are like being tossed a very meaty bone full of delicious marrow which you can gnaw upon for a good long while.

Gideon's narrative voice is a lot of fun, and I do quite enjoy how she's basically a big lesbian jock, even if that did make a lot of the first book rough going for me because alas, Gideon, bless her, is not interested in much beyond hot ladies, swords, staying alive, and getting off her home planet. And Harrow, of course.

HARROW. For 2/3 of the first book, Gideon hates her passionately, they've been enemies their entire lives, they are vicious and awful to each other. Now, I knew Gideon/Harrow was like THE ship for these books, and I was like "...hm. Listen, I simply do not vibe with this kind of enemyship." But then that last third happened, and auuughhhhh. They're enemies, they were all the other had, they were two rats trapped in a barrel, desperate to get out, clawing and biting and snarling and hurting each other, they were each other's only solace, they were doomed from the start. They've been trapped in a cycle of terrible violence, and I have no idea if they can ever get out. And the love Gideon wants from Harrow is to be used and consumed and destroyed by love, and the love Harrow wants to give is to save her and keep her even if it means forgetting her. Like, y'all, I ship it, but I have no idea how there's any kind of future in it.

And then Harrow the Ninth happened, and goddamn, poor fucking Harrow. I felt for her already after the revelation in Gideon the Ninth, but Harrow the Ninth made me so desperately sad for her.

Good job on the soup though, Harrow!

Also the low key comedy of all of them stuck with each other on the Mithraeum was *chef's kiss*. Just like THE most demented and toxic workplace sitcom while poor Harrow is descending into a total mental breakdown.

The worldbuilding is so fascinatingly, complicatedly BONKERS. Also it's so SPACE CATHOLICISM that I don't even know what to say about it. I'm not qualified. But like. It is. It's so Space Catholicism, but also make it More Goth. And it's clearly concerned with religion and faith and all that, but not in a Narnia kind of way, and I am FASCINATED about where it's all leading to.

What a fucking villain this series has in John Gaius aka God aka Necrolord Prime aka the Prince Undying aka the Emperor of the Nine Houses aka Jod. Just absolutely skin-crawlingly horrible, the literal Worst Person Who Ever Lived, even as he's affable and funny and occasionally endearing and pathetic. And like I'm not even sure all of that stuff is a mask or a cover for his monstrousness! Like I think he genuinely is affable and funny and endearing and pathetic! He is just also quite literally History's Greatest Monster. I'm not sure if he was always like this, though I'm leaning towards him having been an awful man before he became god, in all those quiet, too-easily unnoticed ways men are awful, the moment they have any power over someone. And then Jod gets all the power so of course his awfulness becomes correspondingly greater.

I will say though that Jod's origin story is an actual horror movie, the stuff of nightmares. It's the end of the world because climate change and he and his team are frantically working on some way to save everybody but it doesn't quite work, not well enough, and no one is listening to him, and the clock is ticking down and of course the billionaires have a way out, of course they're gonna get on some space ships and bounce, but what about everyone else? Jod is sure he can save everyone else, if only he had the resources, if only they'd listen to him. And someone was listening, it turns out. Someone--something gives him power. Terrible, terrible power over life and death. And he becomes something else and makes choice after terrible choice, enabled by his friends, and then whoops not whoops! He's killed everybody on the fucking planet and ate the sun and the whole solar system too!! Absolutely terrifying reveal, and it's built up to so well. We spend so much time listening to Jod and so much of what he says is reasonable or understandable, but every so often there's a hint that under his commendable politics and goals and general hapless nerd vibes, there's something else, something much, much worse.

Actually, this whole part would make a truly great horror movie, especially if it starts off as an almost dark comedy that shifts genres as it goes: from dark comedy to suspenseful thriller to eldritch horror.

Also he gets, like, super weird about the cadavers he's been experimenting on. Like, deeply, horrifying creepy and weird about them.

Lotta people get weird about corpses in this series, if I'm being honest.

CAMILLA AND PALAMEDES. I am UNWELL about these two. I am UNHINGED. I am still rotating them in my mind, unable to do much but WEEP. "So...do you ship them??" you might ask. To which I say idk and idc, what does to ship these two even MEAN at this point, they are platonic, they are romantic, they are eros, philia, AND agape, and they're the Love that Is Perfected in Death. The absolute fucking pinnacle of insane codependence. Childhood BFFs who crawled into each other's skins and hearts and souls and never crawled back out. How much more codependent is it possible to get? NONE. NONE MORE CODEPENDENT. They have MERGED THEIR SOULS AND BODIES TOGETHER INTO ONE BEING. [actually, real talk, i am uncertain of the Soul Situation, I am pretty sure they've merged their souls together, but like. idk. they do also say they will be known as themselves "beyond the River" after death] I am WEEPING just THINKING ABOUT IT. That is not fucking hyperbole btw, the mere thought of them basically makes me cry, it's fine, i'm fine. They love each other SO MUCH. I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Anyway, rather difficult to "ship" a pairing that has become...one person. Like, still willing to make a game go of it even during the period where they're sharing a body, but like. Now they are one person??? Because this is not a Steven Universe-style fusion where Ruby and Sapphire can unfuse from Garnet, Camilla and Palamedes are now one person, no takebacks while they live. I do love Paul though! Fucking adore that some of Paul's first acts as a new person were acts of kindness and mercy. Jod's lyctors are called saints, but I think Paul is the only one who is a saint in truth.

So, a triumph or a tragedy or both that Camilla and Palamedes died to become Paul? Idk! I adored Camilla and Palamedes as individual characters, I adored how in many ways they're the certain, just moral center of this entire series, I love their intelligence and ferocity, and oh, after Nona the Ninth, I loved so much how they loved. Each other, and other people. I loved Camilla using truths like her swords, her dry humor, how she was still so kind even while being an absolute stone cold fucking badass. I loved Palamedes, his brilliance and how he bent basically all that brilliance into helping people. I loved so fucking much that he was the one who figured out that there was a better way to achieve lyctorhood than the way Jod and his lyctors set out for them. I loved that stuck in a bubble in the underworld, with nothing but a terrible erotic novel, he started having serious opinions about said erotic novel and undoubtedly wrote terrible fanfiction in his head about it.

Ahem. Anyway. Abigail Pent and Magnus Quinn were also delightful, and I was especially charmed by the lovely Welsh accents Moira Quirk gives them in the audiobook. Love that Abigail has immensely powerful, friendly mom friend energy while simultaneously being an immensely powerful Eldritch Speaker for the Dead. Gideon observing her all like "ah, her eye contact is...extremely very unsettlingly intense! but also she is wearing an apron and is cheerful so that's alright then."

God, this is really long, sorry to anyone who actually read it, possibly i will reblog with more disjointed thoughts.