#harley keener incorrect quotes

[teabag-of-mischief]

Harley: I went to Europe and tried to buy some snacks, but they refused to tell me the price, they just kept repeating how old the peanuts were. Also, why would I want to buy two year old peanuts?

Peter: Two euros, Harley. They were two euros.

[marionluth]

Harley: Wanna know what would be really cool?

Peter: Honestly, I don't think I wanna know, no.

Harley: Being shot

Tony: No!

Peter: Been there, done that. Not particularly cool either…

Tony: You’ve been what?

Peter:

Harley: No, no! BEING SHOT. As in being the one… shot… at someone! As in human projectile with the speed of a bullet!

Peter:

Tony:

Harley: I mean… think of the damage here…

Peter: *sitting up* This holds promise.

Tony: No!

Peter: We'd have to take into account a ton of stuff, mass and volume of human projectile…

Harley:...energy source and force distribution…

Peter:... Acceleration curve, g force tolerance…

Harley:... trajectory and stability…

Peter: I'm bringing the whiteboard!

Tony: NO!

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter: can we get a puppy

Tony: no

Peter: why

Tony: we have Harley

Peter: but Harley isn't a puppy

Harley, spinning in circles trying to lick his elbow:

Peter:

Peter: never mind I see your point

[definitelyincorrect]

Tony: Why did you get here so late?

Harley: Well…

Peter: We were in the elevator for fifteen minutes panicking thinking we were stuck

Harley: Only to find out that neither of us pushed the button.

[theocanhavemyheart]

Peter: How does one turn their emotions off?

Harley: Okay, so first go to settings.

Harley: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first.

Peter: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

[definitly-not-harley-keener]

Peter Parker: (works longer than agreed upon)

Tony Stark: GeT oUT your TimE iS oVEr!!!

[marvel-lous-guy]

Tony: what is E=MC²

Peter: Energy= Monster × Coffee

Harley: Energy= maraujana × coke

[totallyaccurateavengersquotes]

TONY: Stephen and I--

PETER: Are getting married?

STEPHEN: No, we--

HARLEY, PULLING OUT A GIANT BINDER: Sit down. We've planned out the entire thing.

[headcanonthings]

Tony, texting Harley while in a meeting: Call me in five minutes and say I gotta come get you.

Harley: On a scale of 1 to 10, what kind of emergency is this.

Tony: 10, get me out of here.

Harley: Put me on speaker, I'll even start crying.

[i-a-q]

Harley: How long do you think I can hide this before Tony notices?

Peter: *examining a charred corner of the lab* He’s probably already watching you on the cameras.

Harley: *looking up at a security camera* Hey, Mr. Stark! This wasn’t my fault!

Tony: *over intercom* You’ve got five minutes to clean that up before I ground you both.

[funkylittlebidiot]

Peter: For the last time! I am NOT interested in buying a fake ID! Peter: *putting down his phone* Peter, to Tony: Harley says hi

[marionluth]

Tony coaching 3-yo-Morgan how to handle her big feelings after a tantrum, while Peter watches.

Tony: It’s okay to feel angry, Morgan. We all feel angry sometimes. But do we smash our water bottles on the item or person that made us angry? No, we don’t! Now, remember how we spoke about blowing out our finger-candles when we feel mad to help us feel calmer?

Morgan: Daddy, that’s stupid

Harley: Yo, tell him, girl. We're not blowing out finger-candles when we're angry. We flip off fingers!

Tony: * death glare at Harley before turning back to Morgan *

Baby, we don't say stupid! Stupid is a Harley word. Can you think of a mommy word to use instead?

Morgan: *scrunching up her nose in thought* The one mommy uses when you and Petey and Harley make something essplode in the lab…

Harley:

Tony:

Peter:

Morgan: Uhm… Mo… Mormonic!

Peter: *snickers*

Harley: * spurts out his red bull laughing *

Tony: *fighting to keep a straight face* “I think it’s Bluey time!”

Morgan: Yaaaay! Bluey!

Peter: I think you handled that very well!

Tony: And I think you’ll end up on manual dishwashing duty, if you don’t fix your face!

Peter: Nuh, I gotta go. Take it out on Harley.

Harley: *flips Peter off, still coughing*

Tony: I'm too old for this sh...poo.

Peter: See you later. And don’t let the kid’s brain entirely melt with the blue horror show. You know it only gives her torture ideas!

Tony: Beat it, webhead!

Harley: *still coughing up his lungs*

Tony: * to Morgan, sitting next to her to watch Bluey * What is your brother talking about, nano-hulk? Bluey rocks!

Morgan: * evil toothy grin * I wanna play mount mumanddad!

Harley: Yaaaay!

Tony: * whimpers *

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter, Tony, and Harley are playing poker. Harley is winning

Tony: Aw, come on.

Peter: It’s not fair! They don’t even know what we’re playing!

Harley: Go Fish?

[definitelyincorrect]

Tony: Wow, Harley and Peter are being really quiet today.

Pepper: Yeah, it’s quite nice actually.

Tony:

Pepper:

Tony: We should check on them.

Pepper: Immediately.

[mamaspidershit]

Peter Parker: *works in the lab longer than agreed upon* Natasha, appearing from the ether: Peter. Benjamin. Parker. Do you know what time it is? Peter: Peter: ... No?

[definitly-not-harley-keener]

Tony: how was this semesters exam season?

Peter Parker: Its over. At last!

Tony: okay. But was good? Okay? How do you feel?

Peter: ITS OVER!