#happy to be alive at the same time as misha collins

[warpedwings]

"You are not alone." "Don't despair." "Don't give up."

Misha looking gorgeous while sending an important, very much welcome and needed message. 💙

[deanstudies101]

4x03, In The Beginning

Critical theory: Guilt and secrets. Destiny and inevitability. The role of the mother/wife.

Discussion point/question(s): Dean was willing to sacrifice his happiness in dream a little dream, but not now… why? [Because it's not his life on the line this time]. Returning to our discussion last episode, even Mary and her family had a home. What do we think Azazel’s real plan could be? Trans readings.  

Key quotes: Mary, "You know the worst thing I can think of? The very worst thing? Is for my children to be raised into this like I was. No, I won't let it happen."; Dean, “Promise me you won’t get out of bed.”; Dean, "Oh, I care. I care a lot, but these are my parents. I'm not gonna let them die again. I can't."

Further reading: 

The gay little sit that inflicted Misha Collins with workplace homophobia for the next 12 years (@godshipsit)

Discussion: 

Weren’t expecting time travel. 

Kai, so free will doesn’t exist, is what we’ve established here. [Have we?] Iga, I don’t think free will doesn’t exist necessarily, just some things are canon events. 

Liked the back to the future references. 

If things were always inevitable, why can’t they know past that? [As in what Azazel is doing?] Yeah, as in what happens next. [won’t be answering this one.] But it hasn’t happened. But time is fluid. Iga, no, don’t say that to me, that means something to me. That's not what’s happening here. What if he just tied up his shit so well that it never gets revealed until it happens. Kai, but we do know that some aspect of the future can be revealed, that’s what happens with Sam. The issue with time travel episodes is they introduce a whole load of questions/issues. Iga, no they don’t, they didn’t retcon anything, this was just Dean learning information. [This was exposition]. If Mary was more honest with John, they might have been able to change things. Kai, if this was about Dean learning the truth, why bother sending Dean’s whole ass back instead of showing him in a dream. Iga, my guy doesn’t believe in God, or maybe Cas just wanted to see what Dean would do. [He needed to see it. Also, he needed to feel helpless imo. He needed to learn he can’t stop it.] 

Azazel’s plan. There’s no way all of these people have an exact 6 month old in 10 years, or the plan is wibbly wobbly, except we know all the kids are 6 months old at the same time. Like they all get their powers at the same time. [My interpretation. He made a lot of deals, way more than the number of children he ended up with. The ones that worked out, worked out, the rest didn’t.] Kai, he really liked Mary though… what if the whole thing was designed around her/Sam lol. 

Dean trying to save Mary. It’s not the first time that he’s wished for Mary to be alive, but he’s gotta know it’s not gonna work. But he knows he has to try. 

Mary’s worst fear. That got him. He didn’t want his childhood to be like that. And it hurts to know she didn’t want it either. And John raised them like that for Mary. And she would hate it, she did everything she could to escape it. AND SHE HAD A HOUSE [lol]. That bastard. But how could he know? She never told him. 

Dream a little dream. It’s himself vs. his parents. His life or their lives. It’s the lack of self-worth. Sumner, or is he just more disillusioned now. Iga, or he knows deep down it isn’t going to work, he’s just going through the motions. He says he does care about the people he’s saved dying if he saves Mary—he says he cares a lot, and we’ve never heard him say that before. He says that to Cas, and he’s never, he would never to Sam. [Yes. He does say it to Cas. They’ve met three times, and Dean already feels comfortable sharing very intimate, very vulnerable thoughts/feelings.]

Dean is Cas’ special little boy. Dean might not see it this way, but he is. Maybe it’s because he is an angel—aren’t they supposed to be guardians?—so he might consider Cas to be this guardian that cares about him, and he feels safe enough to say something. 

Kai, I think it’s the autism to autism communication. Iga, it might be that too. Kai, Dean always sidestepped conversations, but that doesn’t work here! So what’s the point? He’s forced to be straight up. Sumner, and Cas is someone he doesn’t have to protect. He doesn't need to protect Cas from his feelings. Cas is stronger, Dean can’t hurt him, doesn’t have to worry about him, it puts them on equal grounds. If anything, Cas is protecting Dean. And Dean’s never had that before! He was a ten year old with a gun. [Angels are watching over you.] 

Kai, Dean isn’t masking. And I think there’s some gender to it. Cas is an angel—therefore without gender—and maybe Dean picks up on that. Dean doesn’t do the gruff masculine thing with women, so maybe Dean is recognising some of Cas’ lack of gender, so some of that mask isn’t needed. [bro.] Iga, Dean has specific behaviours with women, and specific behaviour with men, and this is… neither of those. Cas is non-binary, and the way that we know that is Dean’s behaviour towards him. [A lot has been said about their immediate intimacy, but I had. Never considered this.] Iga, he has a different mask with men and women, but he’s more likely to unmask with women, because he gets flustered. He’s not flustered with Cas, but more… intimidated? [Does Dean unmask more with women? What about Ronald?] Iga, Ronald was a man who, by society’s standards, wouldn't be seen as macho or manly. He was safer. [He can also easily be read as autistic.] Kai, I can see how omegaverse came to be. There are such complex things going on with gender. Iga, to oppress Dean. Dean was such a bottom they invented a gender. [Okay now we’re just discussing who would be omega/alpha etc]*

 Trans readings. They were confused on this one. [You want to name your children after your deceased parents, sure, makes sense. Your first child is born, a beautiful baby boy. Your eldest son. You name him after… your mother? Makes no damn sense. Naming your second son after your mother kinda tracks, like. If it had been Sam and then Dean, sure. Why Deanna first? Because they didn’t know they had a son. They named their first born, a daughter, after Mary’s mother, and their second, a son, after her father. Is this foolproof logic? Of course not. Is it interesting? Absolutely.]

Azazel is a gay icon for real. He’s fruity. He slays. He did walks he strutted he was pouting he was arching his back. Queen.  

Azazel’s plan. Didn’t think it would still be relevant. Kai, it probably has something to do with Lucifer, maybe he’s against Lucifer and wants to have an alternative. Iga, or maybe whoever releases Lucifer gets a lot of favour, so he was going to like, send Sam on these missions to break the seals to get in with Lucifer. 

Re the gay sit. Okay but why is he sitting like that? 

Star student: Kai, the discussion about gender + masking. There was absolutely no reason for you to blow our minds like that, but thank you king.

Notes: Visiting student Sumner.

*Putting the rest of the a/b/o conversation under the cut because we got incredibly off track. However this developed into a very interesting discussion about gender and imo it's worth reading

Iga, see Bela wouldn’t be an omega.

They have classes of men. They have cardboard cutouts of characters, of masculinity or femininity. Layers of masculinity. Similar to the third archetype we came up with for women. With men it’s… alpha, beta, omega. The writers did this to themselves. The masculine subtypes are y, the feminine are x. [So now I’m gonna need to make this.] But they have three cutouts for men and three for women, but in abo the secondary genders are for all primary genders. Dnd alignments. Abo extended edition. Bela was bitch/alpha. We know she is Dean, but she fucked Dean several times. Alpha. Dean is an omega… is he whore? Because he’s not a madonna. [Isn’t he? Because I think he could easily be madonna. He’s Sam’s mom. He’s a mother.] Oh yeah. We’re just attracted to Dean.

Sam is a madonna/beta. [Very little discussion or explanation on this.] 

[Cas is alpha/bitch] Iga… like Bela. Which is why they… [Henrickson, also alpha/bitch. Dean’s type is alpha/bitch]. We’ve broken this down to the nine essential genders. 

They’re a bit confused on ‘beta’, especially beta vs. omega. Do we need more gender here? 

The writers must pick up on this [this being, Cas not being hyper masculine / being a nb icon], and maybe that’s why Misha Collins is treated so shit. [Arguably true. This is the episode of “the gay little sit”.]

[brooklynislandgirl]

== BASICS

NAME : Turtle. But some call me... D.

PRONOUNS: She/her

ZODIAC SIGN: Pisces

TAKEN OR SINGLE: Married 

Sexuality: is something I possess.

== THREE FACTS

Commercial fishing kills 100 million sharks each year, where as sharks kill maybe five people in the same amount of time. They have survived five extinction events but now over 100 species are critically endangered by humans. Does that seem right to you?

I read between 15 and 100 books per year.

Misha Collins once admired and wanted my lamby slippers.

== EXPERIENCE

PLATFORMS USED : I began rp when IRC was the only thing. I use discord and tumblr almost exclusively now. I have been doing this pretty much longer than most of my mutuals have been alive.

PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES : All of the above. My primary muse is a female oc and so I have to be as flexible as humanly possible.

== MUSE PREFERENCE

GENDER : Gender doesn’t factor into my muse choice, and I’d like to think I am equally adept at playing any gender the muse, as a person, happens to be. Creation of a muse can take me up to a year, as I find out who they are as a person, and develop them a bit at a time. And in most cases, that development never ends.

MULTI OR SINGLE : For my tastes, I prefer to have one muse per blog, though maybe I should do a multi. There was a short period of time a while back where the anti-cop rhetoric was so strong, I brought Riley to Beth’s blog because I got nothing but hate and bullshit on his.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S) : Brie Larson. I just kind of wanna slap her in the face with a cast iron skillet. Eric Andre, because I don’t really like his personality. And sometimes it’s weird to play against YT “celebrities” or actual cartoon characters as a “real life” muse but I don’t really judge based off an FC. For me it’s about mun chemistry and muse chemistry. Someone can have an FC that is super attractive {imo} and Beth might not even notice, even if she’s involved with two other people with that same exact FC, if that makes sense?

== FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT

FLUFF: Beth is the definition of fluff. She has brought galactic super villains to their knees with the power of dumb.

ANGST: She used to be so happy, once. Now it’s so much easier to do angst, and it can come from a variety of sources.

SMUT: Only if you’ve got patience. There are several people who can tell you that it’s taken 7+ years to get in her pants. There have been exactly 2 exceptions to this and I don’t even know how to explain them. However, humble brag...if you can make her fall in love with you, I will set your screen on fiyah. But this is the least important of the three categories.

tagged by: tagged by my darling little bee @prettytm

tagging: People who are actually 29 Guppies in a Trenchcoat.

[amberjazmyn]

you stayed ("whenever you're ready baby girl" alt ending)

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - you stayed ("whenever you're ready baby girl" alt ending)

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - happy ending, girl dad x misha, terminal illness, crying, flashbacks

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - whilst misha and elouisa collins' eldest little girl always seemed to draw the short straw in her life, what if she actually survived and beat her cancer? what if she actually never died after the new york supernatural convention? what if she made it to her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that? what if her short straws began to grow back healthy again in the same way she had? what if she got to see her dad's final season five years later?

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - the original version of this was for kian egan from westlife and because i have also done it for misha i need to also come out with the part two alternate ending. i know she's nine in the first part and five years after that would make her like fourteen but, i'm gonna lowkey bump her age up to eighteen due to the conventions they had after coronavirus cleared up. so even though the original timeline is season ten which would line up with her being fourteen when the show came to its end, i wanna make her newly turn eighteen so sorry for being confusing but that's why she's older by more than five or so years. no song will be used in this but flashbacks from the original one-shot will be in italics, present in normal font and like the original, it'll be written in lowercase.

masterlist read part one here!

- - -

willow collins was eight-years-old when she was diagnosed with cancer. she already wasn't considered a "normal kid" because of who were parents, misha collins and elouisa collins are. however, the moment the young girl and her parents heard the news of the heartbreaking diagnosis, they knew exactly how the press and other kids willow's age would react. to the other kids and everyone else, not only did willow's parents and their fame make the girl weird but her new cancer diagnosis made her even weirder and as though she was an exhibit in a museum.

when willow was nine-years-old when her dad and his supernatural cast were starting their season ten convention circuit before going on hiatus before the next season, there was a moment. during the first of five conventions in new york, chicago, hawaii, houston and dallas that everyone, including willow herself, thought she wasn't going to make it through the entire day and wake up the next morning. but, she did wake up the next morning. she opened her eyes the next morning and cried out for her daddy who was in new york. in a rage of emotions, danneel ackles, who is the wife of misha's castmate jensen ackles, rang misha in a frenzy of her own emotions.

thinking the worst, misha was mere seconds away from dropping everything at new york's auditorium. that was until he heard the very voice he had thought, imagined, he would never hear again. he then stopped for a moment and took that as his chance to just breathe. his little girl was alive and she was okay.

willow's pov | flashback to cancer diagnosis

i could tell my parents felt like the walls in the doctor's office was closing in on them. they, like me, never imagined to be getting this news. after all, it was just supposed to be just another regular hospital trip for me, eight-year-old willow collins.

whilst i wasn't in the office with my parents, whilst my doctor, dr phelps, told them, i could still hear them. especially when it's realised that the hospital is never as soundproof as one thinks, "...mr collins? misha, did you hear what i just told you?" dr phelps questioned my dad, who until now had never really called him by his first name as dad responded after blinking a couple of times

"no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?" it was obvious that dad was still so far away from dr phelps' office mentally, doing his best to not tune out a second time since it was important news that dr phelps was telling my parents

"i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier..."

ahh, yes, i could see the wheels in my dad's head start to turn as he realised what the conversation was about. his eldest daughter, me, had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and were having a conversation about the roads of treatment for me. and just how successful they could be for a small eight-year-old who had many ailments before this new one. as i watched from the waiting room, i could tell that dad could feel a cry building in his throat, mom also feeling it as well, holding his hand tightly as i knew they both wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office at this moment.

i watched as dad continued the conversation, "...ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if our daughter...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?" dad gulped as i watched the way he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm as he squeezed mom's hand with his other hand

dr phelps paused before he continued, "now, mr collins, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer in willow's system that we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that..." dr phelps responded as i could tell that dad felt his heart shatter

mom feeling like she was holding all of his heart and hers together. dad's face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the dr when he caught a glimpse of me. which i quickly turned my head to make it seem as though i was in conversation with my uncles jared and jensen, who had lovingly put their hands up to take care of me whilst uncle rob and uncle rich put their hand up to take care of my baby siblings, west and maison.

hesitating to turn his head back around, he quickly did so before continuing on, making me turn to look back at my parents and dr phelps, "...she doesn't deserve this..." hearing my dad so heartbroken and his voice so croaky from his tears was not something i'd ever heard before as he brought his tissue up to cover his face, mom comforting him whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly

"...no, she doesn't misha, no one her age does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little girl has the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, i was going to survive another diagnosis

but heartbreakingly, i could tell mom and dad thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in my eyes, i too thought the same thing as my parents.

as mom, dad and dr phelps continued to chat, i silently slipped my hands into both of uncle jared and uncle jensen's hands since i was sat in the middle of them. i was absolutely terrified and it didn't take a genius for uncle jared and uncle jensen to figure it out either and the looks we shared with each other weren't as helpful as we hoped they'd be.

present time

as i remebered the day i was diagnosed, i remembered that i didn't cry like i had imagined myself i would have. because if you know my family well, most especially my dad as well as my uncle jared, we're literally the definition of crybabies. like, to the point where it's been mentioned in interviews before that my dad is so emotional and fragile that he cries at the opening of a hat and that uncle jared is very similar that is also a crier. so the fact i didn't cry after my cancer diagnosis is something i'm just realising years later at nearly nineteen years old and that's insane to me. completely insane because at eighteen, nearly nineteen, i'm still the crybaby that i was until my cancer diagnosis.

right now, i was hanging out with my younger sister maison. she was only three, an actual toddler, when i was going through the cancer and it's something that she genuinely does not remember well whereas our brother, west, who was four, has some lingers of memories here and there. i have been told though that there are times that she does have vague memories and it makes her really upset and panicky. but what makes her upset and panicky is because she can't remember everything about it, only small little pieces of it. since then, mom and dad did try for another baby but, unfortunately they weren't able to and they miscarried so it's still just me, westy and maison but that's okay. but, going back to hanging out with maison, we were literally just getting ready to head out for a surf since i could drive and had my own car now. and, because of that, i could drive us down since both mom and dad were at work, nan (dad's mum) taking care of west for the day. everything was completely fine and happy as maison and i got ready separately (not so obviously as we usually do except for when we're getting ready for the beach) but, as i was taking a bit longer, maison had knocked on my door to check in on me. i was no longer fine and happy. as i slipped on my bikini and reached up to grab my wetsuit, i had caught a glimpse of all my scars and my porthole where i would get my chemo put in. it was really the first time i had seen it since i had been named in remission and by every technicality, cancer-free. and i hadn't realised how traumatising and ugly the scars and porthole actually was until this moment. the moment which i actually took a moment to stop and look at it after actively avoiding my glance from it for so many years.

and i cried.

i cried my eyes out nearly nine whole years after my initial diagnosis.

i hadn't cried this much or this hard i don't think since i had told aunty danneel, uncle jensen's wife, that i thought i was going to die during the first convention in new york of supernatural's season ten convention circuit. and obviously, hearing maison knock on my door meant that she had heard me break down into tears. and usually, similar to dad and mom, but especialy dad, i'd usually try to hide it in front of my brother and sister, especially maison. but, this time, i just couldn't. not because i couldn't control my tears but because i needed to stop hiding my emotions from my younger siblings.

after her knock, i heard her voice and it made me smile, "...you okay willow?" she asked as i tearfully giggled, wiping my hand underneath my nose

"you can come in if that's what you're asking maison, my door's unlocked," i tearfully chuckled as i turned away slightly from the door and looked back at myself in my full-length mirror

i then heard my door slightly creek open as maison walked in. she then noticed me in the mirror and her face fell as she saw my tear-stained face. immediately, she rushed over and pulled me in for a hug as she quickly noticed what it was that i was staring at in my reflection. my porthole and other scars being the first thing that started maison's memories of me having cancer whilst she was a toddler.

and then, the next thing she said was the utmost sweetest thing in the world and made me cry even more, "don't let those scars upset you anymore, willow. because they're the reason why i can hug my older sister every day! you may think it's ugly but, i don't. i see them as the reason why you're still alive and got to watch me and westy grow up ! if it's making you so upset to look at it in your bikini, which i think you great in by the way willow, we don't have to go surfing today if it's making you feel a bit icky to do so. we could just instead go for a walk along the beach and go surfing over the weekend with mom, dad and west?" maison sincerely asked as she didn't let me go out of her hug as i smiled, shocked at how this little kid, my little sister was so emotionally intelligent

pulling back out of the hug, tears still streaming down my cheeks but for happier reasons this time, i nodded my head, "that sounds perfect maison, thank you, baby girl! you are such a sweetheart and i love you so much, sweetheart. of course, we can go for a walk on the beach and then go surfing with the family over the weekend. i'll just throw some clothes over the top of my bikini and then we can hit the road, that sound okay maison?" i asked after thanking my sister as she nodded her head, swiftly leaving my room without another question as i then threw on a pair of linen pants and a halter crochet top before grabbing my phone

meeting maison downstairs as she handed me a pair of flip flops, my car keys and handbag, we said farewell to our nan and west. we then got into my car and we drove down to secret beach.

flashback | willow's pov

it was the first of five conventions in different states for supernatural's season ten convention circuit and they were in new york when i thought i'd not wake up the next day. it was during the day that aunty danneel was looking after me when i genuinely thought my life support machine and my body was going to go awol and that i wasn't going to wake up the next morning. i was aboslutely terrified to close my eyes, worried that if i did, i wouldn't wake up tomorrow. suddenly remembering all the other times i was tired and knowing that i'd wake up the next morning. however, more recently, falling asleep and just closing my eyes has been scary for me.

shaking with worry, i reached over to grab aunty danneel's hand which she immediately grabbed, "what's wrong, love?" she asked without hesitation as i tried to calm down as best as i could

"i...i'm so scared to fall asleep, dee. what...what if i don't wake up tomorrow morning?" i whispered fearfully as aunty danneel softened as she held my hand, squeezing it tightly

"oh, darling. don't be scared, i'll stay here, awake with you all night and make sure nothing bad happens to you throughout the night. you are safe sweetpea, aunty danneel's got you!" she whispered as i nodded my head but still didn't want to close my eyes

however, with some more encouragement from aunty danneel and her singing my favourite radio company album, we managed to get me to close my eyes and fall asleep. just hoping, praying, that i was going to be able to open my eyes the next morning.

and i did. i opened my eyes the next morning.

and i cried out for my dad, enough though i knew he wasn't here in austin.

and in a flurry of her own emotions, aunty danneel rushed to grab her phone and ring him.

and i just knew he was ready to drop everything, thinking the worst. ready to leave new york's auditorium when he heard the one voice i think he also thought, imagined, he wouldn't hear again.

i was still alive.

present time | 2022

finally, after what felt like forever, and the hell that was the coronavirus pandemic and constant lockdowns, supernatural was finally able to finish filming and it had aired and conventions were finally safe enough again to do at full capacity. so, here the entire supernatural family were at the dallas auditorium in dallas, texas and it was an emotional moment, that's for sure. and it wasn't just because we were finally able to have conventions again. but because i was eighteen, an age that no one thought i'd be able to reach because of the cancer that i was now in complete remission from. and, it was also actually the anniversary of my first diagnosis back when i was eight years old and i was now eighteen. so, i just knew that at some point in the convention, most likely before or during his panel with uncles jared and jensen that dad was going to talk about it. and then get very emotional over it which would then get me emotional over it all over again.

and, who would've though, i was correct? however, i did not think it would have my dad inviting me up on stage before his panel with uncle jared and jensen but, in all honesty, i didn't care. i grew up with the supernatural fans so i wasn't uncomfortable on the stage so, i went along with it.

smiling, i walked on stage and over to my dad, sitting in the middle of him and uncle jared. getting smooshed into a j2m sandwich has honestly always been my favourite thing about having my dad as part of the cast. even at the age of eighteen, i still enjoyed all the hugs the same way i did when i was a little kid.

dad then grabbed my hand, grabbing the attention of the entire audience. still giving me a shock at how easily he and my supernatural uncles could control the audience. he then introduced his speech before the next question.

"...hey dallas, we still have y'alls attention?!" dad queries, making me giggle as the audience cheer at his question

giving me a smile, he then continues  as the fans waiting for the q&a and to ask them wait patiently, "so, as everyone possibly already knows, this is my eldest daughter, willow, who is eighteen years old..." he trails off as shock ripples through the crowd which makes us all laugh

and that included me too. because, i truly also sometimes forget that i am eighteen.

"...i know, it's crazy to say i have an eighteen-year-old too so, don't worry, it's just as shocking for me as it is for you guys! but umm, that's not the reason why i invited her on stage. the reason why i invited willow on the stage with us for our panel is that, on this very day when she was eight years old, we were told that willow had cancer..." he trailed off as i smiled softly and squeezed his hand tighter as he smiled back, uncle jensen, uncle jared and uncle rob moving closer by as well

taking a deep breath, dad continued, "...and for a while, we didn't think willow would make it through the very beginning, the first convention of our five conventions throughout new york, chicago, hawaii, houston and right here in dallas during our season ten convention circuit back in 2014 after she had turned nine. because, during this time, it seemed as though willow's chemo was not effective anymore. it was during this first convention in new york 2014/15 that she thought she wasn't going to wake up the next morning. i remember because like i already mentioned, we were doing the first of five conventions starting in new york for the celebration of season ten and i got a phone call from danneel, jensen's wife. and immediately, i thought she'd be on the other line in absolute hysterics telling me that willow had died but, she hadn't. she had rung me up because willow had woken up and had cried out for me. hearing my daughter's voice that day, just as i was ready to drop everything and leave new york for my daughter. to then hear that she was okay and that she was still alive was all i needed to know that she was getting better. and that maybe, just maybe, she'd recover and be okay again..." dad once again trailed off as it started to get way too emotional as i smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed as the crowd stayed in utter silence

which is probably why i felt a little bit uncomfortable at the same time. since, they are usually never, the supernatural fans, this quiet when my dad and uncles are on stage.

"...so, for the rest of this panel, willow will remain on stage and if you have any questions for her, feel free to ask them," dad finished explaining and he only had a couple tears streaming down his cheeks as we had a group hug before the questions and panel formally started

like dad already mentioned, i stayed on stage for the rest of the panel and got to get asked and answer some  fan questions which was super cool. and it felt magical and so surreal to be on this side of the stage since i was almost always in the audience when mom and i were at conventions. having the privilege to even be alive and be in complete remission from my cancer. 

then, after i answered a fans question, dad raised his microphone to his mouth and spoke up again. revealing some news that we had only just found out this very morning to the point that, i don't even think he had told uncle jensen, uncle jared and uncle rob or the rest of the attending cast. 

dad smiled brightly as he got everyone's attention as he announced the news, "...this morning, we found out the best news in regards to willow and her cancer. we got told this morning that she is finally in complete remission and has been said to be cancer-free!" he smiled tearfully as i turned around in my chair to see how uncle jensen, uncle jared and uncle rob reacted and it made me teary-eyed

giving me the answer that this was the first time they had been told as well. uncle jared, uncle jensen and uncle rob then hopped off their seats and pulled us in for a group hug in which i started to cry. in pure joy that i was healthy again, my cancer is finally gone and i didn't have to be constantly in the hospital anymore.

the panel then finished and rob and the rest of louden swain began singing the exit song, singing it directly towards me. we then all rushed off so the next actors could come up and do their panel. 

 °∘❉∘°

the convention had finally finished for the day and as we relaxed and enjoyed each other's company, i got a notification saying that dad had posted to his instagram. and i just knew instantly what it was he had posted about. he had been saying all day that he had wanted to also make an instagram post, announcing that i was officially in complete remission and cancer-free. so, he did. 

liked by willowcollins, elouisacollins,  jaredpadalecki jensenackles, ruthie_connell, alexandercalvert and 777k others

misha when willow was eight-years-old, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the uncertainty of her survival. however, all these years later and i have an eighteen-year-old, nearly nineteen, who i got to see reach all of her special milestones. like her tenth birthday, her high school graduation, her eighteenth and soon her nineteenth. she also got to see her brother west and sister maison birthdays, all of their births and will be healthy enough to watch them grow up even more and watch them reach their special milestones. my daughter stayed and it is the biggest joy to say that willow is now in complete remission and cancer-free! i love you so much, willow storm collins. and if i had to watch you go through cancer all over again, i would do it. because it reminded me of truly how special and irreplaceable you are. you were me and mommy's first baby and our first daughter. you know we would do everything and anything to make sure you were your happiest, your healthiest and your best. and i truly do believe that this next season in your life, with you cancer-free and no longer in hospitals constantly, you'll be truly successful in every single thing you wish to do with your life! you are such a strong girl and even though you always say it was me, mom, west and maison as the reasons why you stayed, i truly believe that it was you that made yourself stay. and that it was you that gave you the strength to push through. dad loves you willow, thank you for staying 🤍

view all 87k comments

willowcollins i love you so much, daddy! i am truly so grateful to be cancer-free! and don't thank me for staying, of course i'd stay 🤍

misha willowcollins i love you more baby girl and i know you're grateful and so am i 🤍

elouisacollins these photos of our little girl! i cannot believe she's nearly nineteen 🤍

misha elouisacollins i know right? it makes me feel so old, like, we nearly have a nineteen-year-old!

jaredpadalecki i swear to god, we need to stop telling each other things for the first time during conventions! but, in all seriousness, it brings me so much happiness that willow is cancer-free!

misha jaredpadalecki lol, we really do! and it brings me so much happiness as well, getting that phone call from dr phelps was like a dream come true!

jensenackles still in shock that willow's cancer free! 

misha jensenackles i'm still in shock too 

ruthie_connell best news ever, misha! hearing that willow's cancer-free was truly the highlight of the entire evening!

misha ruthie_connell i agree! i had moments where i just wanted to scream it out way earlier in the panel but i knew i couldn't!

alexandercalvert this is great news misha and elouisa! i'm so glad that willow is finally cancer-free! it seems as though that time from eight years old to eighteen/nineteen has been a whirlwind for you all but also somewhat of a fever dream!

misha alexandercalvert i know! so am i, it's been a long, windy road but, i'm glad we've finally reached the end of it! 

liked by misha, elouisacollins, danneelackles ,genpadalecki, robenedict, dicksp8jrand 777k others

willowcollins life since being cancer-free 🤍

~

being a survivor of childhood cancer, amongst other things throughout my life, i knew i wanted to stay and stay alive the moment i was told i had the "big c". since entering complete remission and getting labelled cancer-free, i've graduated high school, i've travelled back and forth between the states and canada. i've turned eighteen, i've gone on nights out with my parents and supernatural uncles and aunties (only to drink mocktails, please, i'm not twenty-one yet). i've gone to concerts and conventions with my cousins and i've surfed. i've been able to live my life in ways that i hadn't been able to do in years and i didn't have to worry about the scars, i didn't have to worry about being tired, i didn't have to worry about the fear of simply closing my eyes and if they'd open the next morning. i've been able to take care of and hang out with my brother and sister west and maison, i've seen them grow up, from when west was four and when maison was three  when i was first diagnosed to when cousins of mine came along later on when i was recovering, to their handsome and gorgeous selves now. when i was battling cancer, i couldn't do the things i can do now. i couldn't surf, i couldn't drink (i mean, that was because i was underage the majority of the time and still am), i couldn't go into physical school and had to do it all online when i wasn't violently ill, i couldn't travel back and forth between the states and canada. i couldn't have an extravagant ninth or tenth for that matter, and i couldn't go to conventions with my supernatural cousins. when i had cancer, i was constantly riddled with the fear and anxiety of not being able to live another day because of how tired, sore and exhausted i was. having to see but also hear your parents, most especially your dad, cry and not being able to help them other than offer a hand or a soft smile for comfort was agonising. the number of times i watched my dad cry as he sat in the same hospital chair over and over again just to make sure i was still breathing through the night is no longer countable since he had done it so many times. the number of times i had to watch my uncles and aunties cry as they also sat and watched to make sure i was still alive throughout the day is immeasurable. thankfully, i didn't have to see my brother and sister or cousins cry a lot, especially because west and maison three and four at the beginning and the other cousins weren't around then. but, at the same token, it makes me feel sick to think about the times when the other cousins were around that they did cry during my cancer battle and i wasn't there to tell them that everything was going to be okay. but now, whenever they do cry or they are upset, i can be there for them straight away. and it was all because i stayed alive and i didn't let myself have my family go through the agony of having to live without me. because i couldn't do that to them, no way.

view all 99k comments

misha i love you, more than words can describe willow! you strong, brave girl!

willowcollins misha i love you most daddy! and i'm only strong because of you and mom

elouisacollins crying my eyes out reading this!

willowcollins elouisacollins i cried writing this, believe it or not!

danneelackles512 hearing your dad announce during the panel that you're finally cancer-free after completing complete remission is the best news to hear!

willowcollins danneelackles512 i genuinely had no idea that he hadn't told you guys yet! so seeing how everyone all reacted made me cry!

genpadalecki i'm still screaming over the news that you're finally cancer-free!

willowcollins genpadalecki so am i aunty gen! it's the best feeling ever!

robenedict i am so beyond relieved that you are cancer-free, sweet willow! i remember when i first met you when you were just a little baby and now you're a glowing eighteen-year-old

willowcollins robenedict aw, thank you stormy! i am relieved too and thank you again!

dicksp8jr i'm so glad you're cancer-free willow!

willowcollins dicksp8jr so am i! i cannot believe it sometimes!

- - -

this was so much fun to write and i am so glad i got to give it a happy ending when the original was so depressing and yes, i know i fucked up the timeline when i originally wrote it on wattpad but, i don't care cause what if this is the one i'm calling canon and the original is the alternate ending? nah jokes, i didn't realise i fucked up the timeline until about halfway through and decided to stick with the changed timeline until i fixed it over here on tumblr!

ok ily bye xx

wc; 5551

[whyissupernaturaltrending]

September 18, 2021 - Supernatural trends, as fans celebrate Cas' birthday.

On September 18, 2008, Supernatural 4x01 Lazarus Rising airs. The episode marks the first appearance of Castiel. It's also the first time he and Dean meet:

Cas' "real voice" referenced in the scene above can be seen heard in this scene, when Cas was first trying to talk to Dean. This is also the episode's opening scene, in which Jensen got buried alive in a box with dirt as Oreos [x]. Misha talks a bit more about how Cas' voice became a curse here.

The episode aired on Thursday. So to name the new character, Eric Kripke had googled "angel of Thursday" and got "Castiel" [x].

As September 18 marks the day of Castiel's first appearance (also in the show, as the newspaper Dean picks up at a gas station quotes the same date), this is the day the fans celebrate the angel's birthday.

Misha Collins posted on his social media, wishing Cas happy birthday [x].

Happy birthday Cas! 🎂

[destieldailynews]

Misha Collins Cameo Videos (Top Trending)

March 17, 2021

On Tuesday March 16, supernatural star Misha Collins released his first batch of cameo videos. In combination, these videos caused supernatural to trend once again across platforms. The most popular of the cameo videos are transcribed here with links (we will release another post summarizing the rest of the videos, which are mostly personal greetings.)

Still Beautiful & What Cas is Doing Now 

“Hey heller friends. Bridget wanted me to say hi, and to say [Cas voice] Still beautiful, still Dean Winchester. [regular voice] Shit! My Cas voice is rusty. I don’t know what I, how, Hogwarts house Cas is in. I know that I am a...flugmort. I don’t even know the names of the hogwarts houses, guys, this is not working for me. What do i think Cas is up to now? I think Cas is up there, with his sleeves rolled up, having a massive...ping pong championship in Heaven. There’s ping pong everywhere, that’s all people do now. It’s like, um, It’s like Forrest Gump when he was recuperating. Any words of wisdom to my fans? Stay happy, do your best”

link to video on twitter

Talking about Cas Coming Out (from CTE)

The prompt was: Could you please record yourself as Cas and talk about what his coming out meant to him? 

“I’m not going to speak as Castiel because [chuckle] Warner Brothers has specifically forbidden it. But I will tell you this. As the actor who plays Castiel I can say that the scene in 15x18 when castiel expressed his love for Dean was very important to me, and it felt like a really meaningful, deeply important conclusion to my character’s arc on the show, and I’ve heard a lot of people saying that it meant a lot to them, and that means the world to me. Umm, that's a conversation that i would love to have more of, but, uh thank you [wink] bye!’

link to video on twitter

Ideal Destiel Kiss?

“Hey Jess, I...I was not able to read your story because I just, I just don’t have time right now. I am trying to help a friend who has a very sick kid and it’s kind of taken over my day. But I, I will tell you this.  When I got your request to describe the ideal Destiel kiss, that’s not something I have put enough thought into. But I will tell you this: I am deeply gratified and grateful that Castiel got to have his parting words on the show. That, for me, was so so meaningful and I was so grateful that Cas got to have that ending. I hope you’re well. Sending love, bye!”

link to video on Cameo 

Destiel Reunion Hug

The prompt was: Since we were unable to see Cas rescued from the Empty & in heaven in the finale after his romantic confession to Dean & subsequent death, what would you have liked to have seen for Dean & Cas’ reunion if given the opportunity to decide yourself? 

“I’ll answer this question for you about Dean and Cas and a reunion. I would love to just see the most authentic, loving hug. I could imagine them just, like, grabbing each other and hugging.”

link to video on tumblr 

Cas’s Retirement In Heaven 

“Hey Caryn! I love that you are looking out for Cas’s posthumous well-being in Heaven. Is it posthumous...I guess he’s resurrected, and now he’s rebuilding heaven. I would say this about Cas and what he’s doing in Heaven: I think cas, sadly, will never retired, but I think that also for Cas, doing good work is what he would want to do in his retirement anyway, and I’m sure that he’s doing good work now. I think he’ll never stop. Bye...I hope the same is true of you!”

link to video on Cameo 

Theoretical SPN Revival 

“Hey Alex. I would love to one day get the band back together for a SPN revival of some sort, whether it’s a movie, or a limited run series, or just some little odd casts. Wouldn't it be fun to get together Sam, Dean, Cas, and Alex for a, I mean Jack, for a little, little chit-chat, vocal, audio, podcast? And it would be lovely, one day, to see, to have Dean discuss the impact of Cas’s comments, cause it was never really done. I’m sending you love. Bye!”

link to video on twitter

More Ping Pong

“[Cas voice] Hello Dean. [regular voice] No, no, no. Hello, Kyalin, how are you? I don’t know, I don’t know if you’ve thought about this at all, but I think Cas and Dean are probably playing a lot of ping pong in heaven right now. As you know, they’re ping pong fanatics. I hope that you’re having fun. I hope you’re having fun with your mom, who takes such good care of you. You’re a lucky one [wink] bye!” 

link to video on twitter

Thoughts on how Cas Helped People

“Hey Rich, thanks for your messages. Really gratifying to hear and of course I’m so sorry to hear that you went through such a rough stretch but I’m glad you’re alive, I’m glad these fictional characters helped you, and I...I’m just going to say i'm really happy that Cas got to go out sending a message that authentically loving who you want to love is something that can potentially save the world. That’s a nice message, maybe something to carry with us.”

Personal Congratulations and Poem Reading 

“Hey Fitz. I am wishing you a happy top surgery. What a monumental moment for you, that’s huge. Take care of yourself, rest up, be gentle in your recovery. And now I’m going to read you a paragraph, because I have been instructed to. This is from your friend Brook. [Cas voice] We are the last of all things. Come to me in darkness and daylight and aching. Come to me mourning: proselytizing. [regular voice] I can’t talk like Cas anymore [laugh] oh my goodness. Come to me, Sisyphus, we’ll roll this boulder back down the hill together. If we go fast enough it feels like falling or flying. I really don’t know what just happened to me [laugh] it’s rusty.” 

[italicized sections are quotes from the poem] 

link to video on tumblr

link to original poem and author's tumblr 

Request From MCR-Natural 

 “Hey MRC Natural Discord. I don’t...know what that is. The question is: what member of Team free Will would most likely get a stigmata and what would Castiel’s role be in such said scenario, and the answer is obviously Sam and the rationale is that, oh no, Castiel’s involvement is that he secretly used his angel blade to cause the stigmata, while Sam was sleeping. He numbed him with his magical powers and then secretly gave him a stigmata to help exacerbate his savior complex. Thanks, bye.”

[alloftheimaginess]

Thirst tweets

Other parts

Jared Padalecki

Alexander Calvert

Misha Collins

Warnings: inappropriate language and inappropriate tweets

"Hi, I'm Yn and today I will be reading thirst tweets" I say giggling as I grab the bucket full of crumpled up pieces of paper and I pull one out.

"Say the first name that comes mind. Daddy I mean Yn Ackles" I read and I start giggling.

"That was good, I'm just going to take this home" I say slipping it into the pocket on my shirt and the crew laughs and I grab out another one.

"No disrespect to Yn's husband, Jensen but her scenes with Sebastian Stan in the devil all the time made me start shipping them only because if I could I'd threesome the mess out of them" I read and I start cracking up.

"Damn, I didn't think it would blow up like that. Everyone has been tweeting me about how cool it is to see Tom, Sebastian and I work together again" I say grabbing another one.

"Yn Ackles could star in a movie called "Yn Ackles just standing there" and I'd still sell my first born and my body for a chance to see it" I read.

"That was intense" I say rereading it.

"You would never have to sell your body or your first born, I'd just send you a ticket for even being that dedicated" I say cracking up.

"Yn Ackles could choke me half to death and I'd catch my breath and thank her for even touching me and then ask her to do it again" I say covering my face with the little sheet of paper as I laugh.

"That was super kinky, good god" I say reading it again.

"These tweets could build up anyone's self esteem in like the weirdest too much information type of way" I say giggling.

"They definitely make you feel like a million times better than you actually are" I say grabbing another one out.

"Sometimes when I go to sleep at night I just think about Yn being in my bed and all-" I stop reading my eyes going wide.

"Oh no no no" I say shaking my head as I laugh.

"Literally moving on" I say grabbing another one.

"Do you think if I ask nicely Yn Ackles will choke me" I read.

"You guys are some kinky motherfuckers oh my gosh" I say laughing super hard.

"I feel intimidated because I could never be so bold, whoever writes thirst tweets are a new and special breed" I say shaking my head at the camera.

"The crazy things I'd do to Yn Ackles if I got an hour" I read.

"The things I'd do, I'd definitely get a massage, probably sleep" I say giggling and I throw the paper to the side grabbing another one out and before I even read it out loud I start cracking up.

"This one just isn't thirsty for me it's also thirsty for my husband" I say.

"Sometimes I wish Yn would guest star on Spn because then I'd get to see her and Jensen naked at the same time" I read laughing.

"If I were to guest star on supernatural I'd wish for a bigger role than getting to sleep with my husband for one scene" I say grabbing another one out.

"I literally want Yn Ackles to spit in my mouth" I read and I start laughing.

"Honestly I can't get over the fact that people with profiles of themselves tweet stuff like that, it'll always amaze me" I say shaking my head amazed.

"But that's way too kinky for me and I'd just be uncomfortable" I say laughing.

"Sometimes I wish that Jensen and Yn had an open relationship then I'd have the chance to sleep with them" I read and I start cracking up.

"Like I said before that's way too kinky for me, these tweets make me feel so vanilla" I say holding it back up.

"Okay this one says I'm:

⚪️ Straight

⚪️ Bi

⚪️ Lesbian

🔘 In love with Yn cuddling Misha's wife at the airport when they are all cozy, comfy and super fluffy while waiting for their husbands to fly home" I read and I laugh.

"And they included a photo" I say laughing as I turn it around to the camera and it's us wrapped around each other in the chairs after the guys flights landed at 2 in the morning.

"I love this photo" I say pocketing it.

"Forget sexiest man alive I think we should create a whole new magazine just for Yn Ackles and she'll be known as the sexiest thing to ever walk the face of the earth" I read.

"Oh my god, I love this so much" I say laughing.

"That was actually surprising sweet and it made my heart flutter" I say folding it back up and adding it to my take home pile as everyone laughs.

"My kink is hearing Jensen call Yn, Baby Girl or Beautiful when he talks about her at Cons" I read.

"Same" I say giggling and I quickly move on.

"Sometimes when I'm having a bad day I remember that Yn Ackles follows me on Twitter and everything is so much better with the hashtag I just want Yn to love me" I read laughing.

"I do follow you on Twitter, I like quite a bit of your tweets they are always so creative and funny" I say grabbing another one.

"Yn's boobs are my favorite thing in the whole world" I read and I laugh.

"Seriously? Same" I say laughing even harder.

"They are way better than my butt" I say.

"I don't know if Yn can get more perfect. I literally see her posts and I die and then come back to life and then die all over again. It's an endless cycle" I read and I laugh.

"My mom always says if looks could kill I'd kill everyone" I say shaking my head as I laugh.

"I'm jealous of Yn Ackles because she gets to see Yn Ackles naked" I read.

"I'm jealous of Jensen Ackles because he gets to see Yn Ackles naked and doesn't have negative thoughts about it" I say laughing as I grab another one.

"Yn Ackles is hotter than my phone when it's charging" I read.

"That's so sweet, I like that compliment" I say laughing.

"I have pictures of Yn saved when she officiated Jared's wedding because she looked so fucking hot and I look at them about four times a day" I read.

"That was probably one of the best dresses I've ever worn so thank you for noticing" I say laughing.

"Stuck between wanting to kill Jensen so I could have Yn all to myself and wanting to have both of them. Talk about a serious struggle" I reading.

"I like the first option so have at it baby" I say giggling and I quickly shake my head.

"I feel like I should say this but I'm totally kidding don't kill my husband we have children" I say laughing as I grab the last one.

"Last one, I've decided that I'd like Yn Ackles or Jensen Ackles to take my virginity, it doesn't matter who, I'd be very happy with either or, or maybe both because my mama didn't raise no bitch and it's go big or go home" I say laughing before I even finish it.

"That was good, I love this one. My mama didn't raise no bitch" I say laughing even harder.

"A little part of me feels offended that Jensen was in so many but at the same time I don't care because I'm thirsty over him as well" I say and everyone laughs.

"That was all of my thirst tweets and probably one of the best experiences of my life" I say giggling.

"Thank you for having me" I say.

[kagesdumpsterfire]

!!BRIDGEWATER SPOILERS!!!!

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SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

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LAST CHANCE TO SCROLL PAST!

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!!!!SPOILERS NOW!!!!

I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!

Bridgewater EP 9 thoughts:

Ethan

I'm glad they found him alive but Celeste has me thinking that something dug it's claws in his phyche deep and I have a serious feeling that he's going to be a conduit for something big. I'm pretty sure the "whispering voice" that distreacted him from the Fae like creatures and got him from the ledge to the lake was Thomas. I think he was almost stuck in the same situation as Thomas and he saved Ethan. I think Thomas is stuck between realms and the Gathering is having a hard time keeping the opening under control and that's why hes been able to break through in the little ways that he has.

Celeste

Adore her! Pretty sure she is the only hope in keeping the triangle safe. Jeremy and Anne are going to have to suck it up and work with her. Katie I am not 100% on I'm not sure why. I think some of The Children of Tituba infiltrated the Gathering and are junking stuff up.

Vipin

Severely disappointed in the lack of Vipin inthis episode. Unacceptable . We need to know how the baby boy is doing.

Big time SPOILERS are now. Juicy info dropped.

Anne, Jeremy and Thomas

I knew it!!! I KNEW IT!!!

Im going to break this down into sections so i don't get overly ranty

Ok but Anne trying her fucking damndest to tell Jeremy "Hey, Your father and I were together" with out actually saying it was KILLING ME! Like "yeah, my daughter's father also went missing 40 years ago and I was too obsessed on finding him that I lost a relationship with my family. "

I am honestly a little embarrassed for Jeremy that it took him that ling to piece together what Anne was telling him. She's been dropping hints for a few episodes now. Like, you are a professor my guy. In a feild that requires you to gether evidence to discover the truth. Pull your shit together.

*side note: really hoping this means that my vibes of Jeremy having a crush on Shelly when they were younger were way of 'cuz...ew...like i know he didn't know... HE DIDN'T KNOW...but still

Learned something fun about myself during that episode. Apparently I'm not only too emotionally unstable to watch "The Scene" still, I'm also not emotionally stable enough to listen to the sound of Misha Collins crying. It uh...it triggered something. It was absolutely heartbreaking to listen to Jeremy's realization that his whole life was a lie. That he has a family, a support system that he never even knew about. A whole life. He had somewhat of a right to go off on Anne. Honestly, I would have too. It was kinda harsh though. It was just...a lot...

The fact that Anne was willing to help raise Jeremy when she never even wanted kids...honestly the whole speech about how Thomas and Jeremy's mom were getting a divorce and how they were going to be a happy little family and she would go on hikes with him and wanted him...it caught me in the feels. HOWEVER, I know she was emotional but blaming a child for someone's death/ disappearance is NEVER okay. Jeremy can be a thick headed A-hole sometimes, but he didn't deserve that. He feels guilty enough, obviously. I do feel sorry for her though. Like, her whole life was torn away from her in one night. I'd be obsessed too.

It was a hell of an episode. Im super scared/ excited/ bummed about next week.!!!

[calamitysong]

TRIFECTA OF GUYS KEEPING AUTISM SEXY: 1. cas 2. Spock 3. You. Holy fuck. Ezra. Ezwa. Where would I be....Where would SOCIETY be.... Without you. I've really not known you for very long like not even a year and a half (a very. very important year and a half.) but I consider you a very dear friend. I love seeing you. I remember one time you said that [we] were like really easy to talk to and you were so right with that one bc like I feel crazy socially inept like. A lot. A lot a lot. And I've spent so much time with you and I never feel that way when ur around like genuinely you are so nice to talk to I want to sit on a couch with you so bad I literally know the vibes would be unbelievable. I literally tell you that you're cool like all the time you know this by now but truly I am your friend but first and foremost I am your fan and I will never take you off post notifications. Your vids are so life-changing and I literally will bring you up unprompted irl like "Ezra has so much of supernatural memorized it's like so cool" <- I said that like 2 days ago. U are so iconic 2 me. you literally kickstarted the great dta read of last winter... You made me understand star trek. You called Misha Collins the sexiest man alive when no one else would . I love you!!!!!!!!! Wah. happy birthday. I am pouring u a chitaqua mimosa

soni i'm honestly speechless right now i love you so much it's INSANE...............i'm so glad we started talking i'm so glad i've gotten to know you i'm so glad i have you on post notifs even if we're rarely online at the same time because of stupid work and oh wow this did make me cry. i hope you're HAPPY!!!... if i could sit on a couch with you my life would be complete like the world could explode and i wouldn't care. i'm obsessed with you i love you thank you for this message i need to lay down now what the fuck

[archivingspn]

Entertainment Weekly Special Edition: The Ultimate Guide to Supernatural 2017

SAM AND DEAN WINCHESTER KNOW "WEIRD." Their entire life has been weird, ever since the moment a demon claimed their mother's life. In case anyone has forgotten over the course of the show's past 12 seasons, Supernatural tells the story of the Winchester brothers, portrayed by Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, who fell into the family business of hunting creatures after their mother's murder. What began as their father's journey for revenge has evolved into endless monster slayings, near-death experiences and more than a few actual deaths.

By this point the Winchesters have been to Hell and back, killed Death himself, come face-to-face with God and prevented the Apocalypse. But perhaps more impressively, the series has survived three network presidents, five showrunners, a writers' strike and five different time slots. Turns out the only thing harder to kill than the Winchesters is the series itself. "It's one of those shows that has moved a lot, and yet each time it has found that core audience and built on it," Warner Bros. Television president Peter Roth says. "It's been an unsung hero."

If anyone knows about being an unsung hero, it's Sam (Padalecki) and Dean (Ackles), who've dedicated their lives to saving others and asked for nothing in return. Seriously, how many nights have they spent sleeping in their car?And yet that on-the-road lifestyle has paved the way for a number of the show's riskier episodes, which play a crucial role in keeping the audience engaged. In 2015 "Baby" was told entirely from the perspective of their beloved 1967 Impala, and that's not even close to the craziest thing the show's tried.

Aside from the rules the show creates within its canon—yes, they have a historian in the writers' room to keep them honest—not even the sky is the limit when it comes to story ideas. “[Show creator] Eric [Kripke] used to say, 'Smoke 'em if you've got 'em,' which meant: Anything crazy, don't be afraid to run it by us," executive producer Robert Singer says.

That motto led most famously to season 6's "The French Mistake," in which Sam and Dean found themselves in an alternate universe where everyone mistook them for Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, the stars of a show called Supernatural. "Our show's not bound by reality," Ackles, 39, says. "We're rooted in reality, but we're not bound by it. That gives us a fifth wall almost."

But Supernatural's season 12 finale managed to raise the stakes by somehow introducing the boys to something they'd never seen before: a world in which they don't exist and Heaven and Hell are locked in an eternal war. By episode's end, their allies Castiel (Misha Collins) and Crowley (Mark Sheppard) were dead, and their mother, Mary (Samantha Smith), who was resurrected-by God's sister!-in the season 11 finale, found herself trapped in this new reality with the Archangel Lucifer (Mark Pellegrino). If that doesn't seem bad enough, the birth of Lucifer's son is the very thing that opened the rift to this apocalyptic realm. "The world in which Sam and Dean were never born is not a good world," showrunner Andrew Dabb says. "It speaks to the importance of our guys. The world Sam and Dean live in is certainly not perfect, but it's a whole hell of a lot better than the alternative."

Dabb describes the new run of episodes as more melancholy than last year's, with new threats including some long-dead characters. And somehow Scooby-Doo has a role to play. (More on that later.)

"Last season was, in some ways, a very upbeat season for us," says Dabb, who goes on to explain that season 13 will be "darker." In their grief the boys will butt heads when it comes to both Lucifer's son Jack—Dean wants nothing to do with him; Sam thinks he's worth trying to save— and Mary, whom Sam refuses to give up on despite Dean's having lost hope that she's still alive. "The Apocalypse world hangs over our guys a little bit like a sword of Damocles," Dabb says of the season's beginning. "We're definitely going to spend a little time there."

And of course Sam and Dean have this new responsibility thrust upon them before they've had the chance to properly grieve their many losses, including Castiel, who Dabb says will appear, though maybe not the way fans are expecting. "We're not looking to hit the reset button," Dabb says. "We want to give both our guys an opportunity to react to that and ask the question: How would that affect them if their closest friend sacrifices himself for them? There is a certain amount, especially when you look at Dean, of survivor's guilt."

That being said, there will be at least one (animated!) moment of levity, though it's in the season's back half. Episode 16 will be a much-anticipated Scooby-Doo crossover, for which Ackles, Padalecki and Collins have already recorded the audio. "They've often talked about Supernatural crossing over into something." Ackles says. "I love that it's Scooby-Doo."

But even with exciting new ideas on the agenda, there's always the lingering question of how much longer the show can continue. According to CW president Mark Pedowitz, the answer is as long as the guys are happy and the ratings are relatively stable. As for Ackles and Padalecki, they are focusing on the next milestone: hitting 300 episodes (something that would take them 13 episodes into season 14). However, if Sam and Dean have taught the actors anything, it's that Death can be lurking around every corner (and he's usually eating pizza). "If we don't make it to 300, I think Ackles and I will both be truly bummed," Padalecki, 35, says.

Ackles adds, "They're paying us to bring that little bit of magic to what they wrote, and I still feel that magic. The day that I don't feel that magic will be a very sad day, and I hope that day never comes. I'd like to get to 300 before that day comes."

One thing everyone can agree on is that they want to know when the end is nigh. "I think it would be bad for this show to just ride off into the sunset without a finale," Singer says. "I think we've earned that." Ultimately the only thing that's certain about Supernatural's eventual end is the fate of Sam and Dean's Impala, Baby. "He gets Baby," Padalecki says of Ackles. "I get Baby Two." Ackles makes one correction: "No, you'll get Three. Two is a stunt car. It's beat to s---.”

But nobody gets Baby just yet. For now they'll need all the Impalas they can get as they try to solve the problems of not one world but two.

[pg 10-12]

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

Stars Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki and Misha Collins have rolled with rapid changes and some surprising detours during the series' remarkable run. BY SAMANTHA HIGHFILL

JARED PADALECKI CAN STILL REMEMBER THE exact pitch for Supernatural's first season: “Route 66 meets X-Files, brothers on the back roads of America hunting things that go bump in the night.” That was how he and costar Jensen Ackles were told to promote the show, which, in its first year, was just that-Sam and Dean Winchester chasing urban legends from state to state.

But over time that original pitch added a few sentences. Much like with any good road trip, there have been quite a few turns—and the occasional crossroads along the way. Although the show remains about two brothers on the back roads of America hunting things, those "things'' now include everything from vengeful spirits to imaginary friends and even Lucifer himself. After all, a show doesn't last 13 seasons without adjusting its game plan. For Supernatural that has meant an ever expanding mythology, some shocking deaths, resurrected characters, breaking the fourth wall and so much more.

Yet all the while, one thing has remained true: Sam and Dean Winchester will do whatever it takes to save the world and, even more so, to save each other. And they'll do it while navigating those seemingly endless back roads in their 1967 Impala.

Finding John Winchester (portrayed by Jeffrey Dean Morgan) was the boys' goal in season 1, though that ended up being about as difficult as getting John to stick around once he was finally discovered. The Winchester family reunion was short-lived: Season 1 closed with a car crash and the fates of all three men up in the air. And then there was that demonic deal John made with the same monster they had been hunting.

JENSEN ACKLES Everything up until that point was about finding Dad. We found Dad, we continued to fight as a unit, and then we lost Dad, and now we were two orphans.

JARED PADALECKI And I think that was the first time we ever brought back somebody from the dead, and it was you [to Ackles].

ACKLES I died in the car crash, and he traded his life with Azazel.

PADALECKI I think that was the first time we ever saw a major character die and come back. And that was a total leap of faith. So we told the story of Reapers and the veil and what happens to your soul.

ACKLES That's when we got into afterlife.

PADALECKI That was a big title shift in what Supernatural could do...

ACKLES With the introduction of Hell and making deals with demons—which is funny, because you think about that now, and [creator] Eric [Kripke] must've always known because Mom made the deal with the yellow-eyed demon.

The next shift would come later in season 2, laying the groundwork for the introduction of angels far before Castiel spread his wings in that abandoned barn in season 4.

PADALECKI "Houses of the Holy” was the first time we ever talked about angels on Supernatural. [Jensen] and I both were like, “Whatever your religious beliefs, whatever ours, we're not here to proselytize. We're here to make a serialized television show, but we want it to be universal.” So we actually had a conference call with Eric Kripke, and we were like, "Hey, man, we don't know how we feel about this.”

ACKLES We didn't want to be a mouthpiece for writers' religious views, because it wasn't the show that we had signed up for. Our argument was: “We trust you. You've done good by us so far. However, this is our one concern, and we're just bringing it to the table so that we can discuss it.”

PADALECKI And they heard us out, and I think that's why they waited another year and a half before introducing our second and most famous angel. I think it's the one time we've ever called them together with a complaint. Because I'm not a writer. I don't want to be a writer. I enjoy my job as an actor. But that was legitimately like, “Listen, if you're going here about religion, I don't want to be a part of it.”

MISHA COLLINS And now amazingly, 11 years later, so much of the show has been hung on biblical lore and mythology that is actually drawn from the Bible. One interesting thing for us is that we end up talking along the way to priests and pastors and ministers, or even nuns, who love the show.

(...)

ACKLES It was amazing, but my point being that we're in one of the most religious places on earth, and they're catering to people from a show that deals with religiously inspired story lines.

PADALECKI But not telling the story that the Bible tells.

ACKLES That's the out. That's where we get a pass is that we're not trying to tell the story of the Bible. The writers take inspiration from biblical elements and then elaborate on them. So when we got into that original discussion, Eric came back with: “We're not here to tell the story of Jesus Christ. We're here to take that element and use it as inspiration for the story.” I think that alleviated any concerns that he and I had. And at the same time we really trusted Eric and still do to this day.

Another leap of faith came with season 2's "Hollywood Babylon,” which can be considered the show's first meta episode. It opened the door for everything from season 6's “The French Mistake” to the upcoming season 13 Scooby-Doo crossover.

ACKLES “Babylon” was the first time we took the piss out of ourselves and were poking fun at the industry.

COLLINS That has been a huge [help to know] that you can go to these absurd lengths and break conventions. Reading the script where we are doing a Scooby-Doo episode makes me feel proud. Where else can you do that?

Padalecki What other show does that and has the fandom at large excited that they’re going to do that? Can you imagine if JAG or NCIS did a Scooby-Doo episode? People would be like, “What?” Not only do we break the fourth wall, do we go meta, but those end up being some of our best episodes.

The season 5 finale holds the No. 1 spot on EW's episode ranking, but that hour was important for many reasons, one of which being that it was creator Kripke’s farewell.

COLLINS “Swan Song" was another milestone because that marked the culmination of Eric's original vision for the show. He had a five-season arc in mind that tied up perfectly with a bow, and then he moved on and handed the reins over to Sera [Gamble]. That became, “Okay, guys, now let's figure out how to start a new chapter or a new volume in a series of chapters.”

PADALECKI It's the story that we were all born from, those of us who were introduced in the first five years. So to have the creator step away? I would argue that it was the largest shift.

Gamble served as showrunner for seasons 6 and 7, the latter containing another major show moment: the death of Bobby (Jim Beaver), Sam and Dean's father figure.

PADALECKI Bobby was such a big part. Jeffrey Dean [Morgan] was never as much a part of the show. He was obviously a huge part of the story, but he did [just a few] episodes, and Jim Beaver did 60 or something. And there was something about his death that we knew it was final...or final for Supernatural.

ACKLES Because his character said, “I'm done.” So it wasn't like he got killed accidentally and we found a way to bring Bobby back. He was like, “I'm hanging it up, guys." It was heavy.

PADALECKI That probably was the first big death of someone who'd been there for years...

ACKLES [Interrupting] A fan favorite...

PADALECKI Yeah, and I remember [CW president] Mark Pedowitz saying something to the effect of “As a fan, I hated when Bobby died, but it was great television.” That's how I feel. 

ACKLES Like when Sam Winchester dies for good, it's going to be good television. But when Dean Winchester lives on, it's going to be great television. [Everyone laughs]

The season 12 finale saw the introduction of an apocalyptic alternate world in which Sam and Dean Winchester were never born and Heaven and Hell are locked in an eternal war. And with that world comes the possibility for a number of character returns. But does it feel like a turning point? 

COLLINS Well, I think the rift and the fact that you can go into the apocalypse world and you can all of a sudden revisit every character in a different iteration—there could be a different version of every character—it opens up this incredible panoply.

(...)

PADALECKI And if an alternate universe exists, then how many alternate universes exist? It's hard to say, because I feel like it's impossible to identify a turning point during the turn. In hindsight it will reveal how this story will affect the show, the canon at large and the way we move forward. But I certainly feel like we're opening up doors with the rift and with the son of Lucifer.

(...)

[pg 20-26]

THE CORONER'S VAN JUST PULLED INTO THE driveway. It's the middle of August in 2016, and Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are filming a scene for Supernatural's 12th season at a farmhouse in the Vancouver countryside, which is standing in for Iowa. Sam and Dean Winchester have ditched their flannels and jeans for sweaters and slacks in order to pose as social workers. They're doing what the two brothers do best: lying about their jobs in order to solve mysteries and kill monsters—in other words, saving people, hunting things.

When Supernatural premiered, Sam and Dean Winchester were born into the family business of hunting creatures, and it's a lifestyle that, over the years, has left them with very few people they love. Turns out, when you spend your days battling shape-shifters, witches and the occasional angel—they're not all nice, you know—nothing is guaranteed, especially not tomorrow.

But no matter how crazy the Winchesters' world gets—or how many worlds they have to face—one thing remains unchanged: At the center of it all are Ackles and Padalecki, whose Dean and Sam are the beating heart of the show (whether theirs are beating or not).

(...)

(...) even pulling up their favorite scenes on their phones to watch at the table. Padalecki can easily name the scripts that made him cry—“Heart,” “Sacrifice" and "Baby" all land on the list. The common thread is a heartfelt moment between the brothers where they get to talk about their crazy life as if, say, having visions of Lucifer is normal. “I feel like those situations where we treat the abstract and the fantastical as just part of life is where the show thrives,” Padalecki says. Ackles adds, “I think the show is truly at its best when it doesn't take itself too seriously, then it does take itself seriously, and it gets scary as s---,”.

But whether Supernatural is making fun of itself, scaring the living daylights out of its fans, or just letting the brothers have a moment on the hood of the Impala, it all works because of our central heroes. “It's about the Winchesters," says Crowley actor Mark Sheppard. “We really do care, and it's a testament to the boys that we still care."

(...)

As the sun sets on the Vancouver countryside, Sam and Dean ditch their slacks for jeans and send the coroner's van on its way. It won't be needed—this show, and the brotherly bond that holds it all together, has a lot of life left in it. Not that death has ever stopped it before.

[pg 32-34]

(...)

DEAN WINCHESTER Jensen Ackles

He was always the good son. Dean embraced the hunter's lifestyle, and he idolized his father despite John's many faults. But with the senior Winchester devoted to tracking down demons, it fell to Dean to help parent Sam, and he went to great lengths to protect his younger sibling-at one point even making a deal with a Crossroads demon (at the cost of his own life) to resurrect Sam from the dead. The two have had their differences, but throughout, Dean's brother was his first priority. "Watching out for you, it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's kinda who I am." Cynical and initially skeptical of the existence of God, Dean has nonetheless managed to become best buds with the angel Castiel (and on first name terms with both God and God's sister Amara). His self-sacrificing nature means he would do literally anything for those he considers family-and that's a short list: Sam, Mary and Castiel.

[pg 38]

Sympathy for the Devil

EVERY HERO NEEDS A HELL, BUT SUPERNATURAL HAS JUST TWO PROTAGONISTS AND HUNDREDS OF VILLAINS. HERE’S HOW THE SHOWRUNNERS APPROACHED SAM AND DEAN’S MANY FOES, FROM WELL-KNOWN URBAN LEGENDS TO SATAN HIMSELF. By Samantha Highfill

[pg 51]

Stairway to Heaven

SAM AND DEAN MET CASTIEL. AN ANGEL OF THE LORD, IN SEASON 4, AND IT CHANGED THE COURSE OF THE SHOW. BECAUSE ANGELS WEREN’T ALWAYS THE PLAN— AND CASTIEL WAS ONLY THE FIRST. By Samantha Highfill

(on page 57 there’s a small box of print on the corner that says: In what executive producer Robert Singer calls one of the series’ most “iconic images,” Castiel (Misha Collins) is introduced as the show’s first real angel.)

WHILE OTHER CHILDREN WERE LEARNING multiplication tables, Sam and Dean Winchester were hunting monsters. “When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45!” says Sam to Dean in the Supernatural pilot, recalling an episode when he was 9 years old. Clearly creature encounters were par for the course in the Winchester way of life. And when you grow up battling all the evil in the world, it's hard to believe in the good. But in the show's season 4 premiere, Dean would come face-to-face with the one supernatural entity he didn't think existed: angels.

“[Show creator] Eric [Kripke] wasn't in love with the idea of doing angels,” executive producer Robert Singer says of the early days. “But as things went on and we were getting into demons, I would say to him, 'I don't know how we do demons without doing angels.’”

The show tested the waters in season 2's “Houses of the Holy,” when Sam and Dean worked a case that appeared to involve angels then went in a different direction. It wasn't until late in the next season that the seraphim were finally embraced. When Dean was dragged to Hell, they needed to get him out. And if there's a Hell, it stands to reason there has to be a Heaven. "[The season 3 finale] was the gateway into this whole other world of angels and demons," executive producer Andrew Dabb says.

When it came time to spring Dean from Hell, it was Castiel, the show's first angel, who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. But Castiel quickly established that he wasn't a typical cherubic angel. Many of the show's angels were, as Sam and Dean would put it, real dicks. “We have our own brand of angels and the idea that they were these warriors of God,” Singer says. “We introduced Castiel, and we just went from there. Heaven opened up different levels of angels.”

The moment Castiel spread his wings, the show expanded its universe. Castiel came bearing news of something much bigger: the Apocalypse, the ultimate showdown between good and evil-or more specifically between Archangels Michael and Lucifer. “We started with archangels and the idea that Lucifer was an archangel and was cast out of Heaven,” Singer says. “We certainly took some license, but it was all biblically grounded. We just took those things and went a step further to make them work for our story.”

From there the show explored all kinds of angels, from Zachariah and Naomi to Gabriel and Metatron, and, of course, it eventually arrived at God-or Chuck, if you prefer. “We didn't really know that Chuck was God when we first started with him," Singer says of introducing the character in season 4. (He wouldn't be revealed as God until season 11.) “That evolved. We wanted a relatable God, a God with foibles.”

Nine seasons later, what started as one angel in a trench coat has evolved into Lucifer, God, Leviathan and even a sister for God. “We play a little fast and loose with religion, but no one has really complained about it,” Singer says with a laugh. “So we'll just keep going.”

[pg 56-58]

CASTIEL Misha Collins

What can you say about the only member of Team Free Will who wears an overcoat? Cas has become a true member of the Winchester family.

[pg 61]

[sahrayliathefaelia]

on destiel, fandom, stories, and love

i initially discovered supernatural in september 2011, almost a decade ago. there wasn’t a whole lot in the way of queer representation then, and much of what did exist was sorely lacking. all i personally had at that point was glee, which would unfortunately become notorious for its complex queerphobia despite its verifiable rainbow of explicitly queer characters. so when i learned about supernatural and the mountains of homoerotic subtext that purportedly existed between two of its main characters on a quite literally cosmic level, i mainlined that shit so fast you would’ve thought i was actively dying of thirst. i started watching supernatural EXCLUSIVELY because of seeing destiel all over my dash. i clung to dean and cas--as individual queer characters and as a queer romantic relationship--like a life preserver. i didn't realize it fully then, but i was watching queer media history in the making. dean: a deeply traumatized, emotionally repressed, and faithless bisexual man with a heart of gold on fire; and cas: an immensely powerful, impossibly naive, eldritch gay angel without a soul but with ice blue grace in his veins, would genuinely fall in love with each other in the most epic of slow burn romances, against ALL fucking odds, defying narrative constraints both in-fiction and in the real world. i had never seen a love story (and it WAS a love story) told like theirs before, much less an inherently queer love story, unfolding over the course of more than a decade of television.

and this was entirely by accident! i cannot stress enough that the people making supernatural never ever intended for destiel to actually happen; they just kind of tripped and fell into it through a series of increasingly unfathomable circumstances, including the writer’s guild of america strike and misha collins’ general existence. once the supernatural creators realized that this baton had dropped from the sky and into their hands and they actually started trying to run with it, they ended up writing a truly UNBELIEVABLE amount of text and subtext between dean and cas that oops, became so intrinsically interwoven with the larger narrative, it stopped being queerbaiting and unintentionally veered into queercoding before barrelling straight into: oh shit, i guess we’re actually doing this thing now. yes, supernatural inadvertently stumbled into the greatest love story ever told by pure fucking chance. and boy howdy, their sheer ineptitude in handling this story with the care and nuance it so richly deserved was astoundingly astronomical.

we were viciously and maliciously queerbaited with destiel for TWELVE ENTIRE YEARS, straight up fuckin gaslit for more than a decade by the proverbial powers that be, who told us time and time again that we were somehow delusional for deigning to read dean and cas’ relationship as romantic, when THEY were the ones repeatedly writing their dynamic with undeniably romantic overtones DIRECTLY IN THE TEXT. i was deep in the supernatural fandom for just over two years, but i eventually jumped ship in october 2013, a handful of episodes into season 9 airing, because by that point i KNEW i was bisexual, and i KNEW that queer fans of supernatural who saw destiel for what it was were being deliberately lied to and manipulated, and i’d had enough. up until november 5th, 20 fucking 20, i hadn't been anywhere NEAR supernatural. if i were to time travel to october 2013 and tell my 21-year-old self that in ten years 1) destiel would become canon the same night that donald fuckening trump would be voted out of office as president of the united states of america, and 2) i would become so hyperfixated on supernatural again in the ensuing months that i would experience an unprecedented creativity renaissance and be more active in fandom than ever before, i would’ve punched me in the fucking face. the fact that i’m writing this post at all is utterly bonkers. and yet, here we are.

it’s hilariously astounding to me how the supernatural bigwigs are STILL doing their damndest to gaslight fans into believing that destiel never existed, placing literal actual fucking gag orders on their actors which prevent them from being able to talk about their characters or destiel in any meaningful way that acknowledges what happened in their own show. THEIR OWN FUCKING SHOW. when like. they did that. THEY did. them. they planned, wrote, filmed, and aired that. fucking.

ANYWAY.

twelve years later, destiel is canon. homophobically, but like, it happened. and no matter how vehemently the powers that be are trying to sweep it under the rug, it HAPPENED.

the best, most beautiful thing to take away from all of this, is that destiel (and everything else that was great about supernatural) has always transcended the limitations of the established narrative and created its own unique narrative, and that narrative has always belonged to supernatural fans, particularly so now that the show is over. destiel belongs to us. we know that dean and cas are very much alive and well and happy together, and so are the rest of their family and friends, as they all deserved to be. we’ve come together to take charge of the narrative and tell the story of supernatural as it was meant to be told: with love. because, at its core, that is what supernatural is truly about. after all, love is stronger than death.

[holyhellpod]

Heyoooo, it’s another episode of Holy Hell! This one is dedicated to the manchild himself, Dean Winchester. 

Apple | Google | Spotify | Instagram | Patreon

Transcript below!

CW: discussions of child abuse, child death, suicide, alcoholism, family trauma, mental health

[Music]

Dean Winchester is, in a word, my soulmate. I started kinning him when the show aired in Australia on Fox8 and I have not been the same since. From his devil-may-care attitude to his undying love for his family that pierces the veil of death to save the day, he really is the most. I have to say at the beginning that this episode of Holy Hell will not include discussions of Dean’s sexuality and gender. I’m saving that for its own episode, so stay tuned my pals.

What we know of Dean as he develops over the course of the first episode is: he’s been hunting, and hunting alone, he’s 26 years old, he drives a sweet ‘67 Impala, he wears an old leather jacket, he listens to 1980s metal, and he has an arsenal of weapons and supernatural fighting talismans in his trunk. He’s also a smartarse, one of his most endearing qualities. He gets defensive about their mother and her death, and he defends their father over and over. He’s a loyal son and brother. The impetus to bring Sam back into the hunting life, after Sam decided for good that he was going to leave, is to bring his fambily back together.

The quality that defines Dean Winchester is how much he loves he loves his fambily. In the first episode, he is so worried about his father that he recruits Sam to help look for him, even though Sam and Dean haven’t spoken in two years, and Sam ran away to college rather than continue to live with their father.  He spends most of the first season defending their father, but when John comes back and starts arguing with Sam, Dean protects his brother from John. It’s one of the most significant examples of character growth Dean undergoes throughout the entire series, and it’s where his loyalty shifts from John to Sam.

In the episode of season 2, “Croatoan,” Dean decides not to shoot Sam when Sam contracts the Croatoan virus which turns people rabid and makes them kill. In the next episode, “Hunted”, Dean reveals that John told him to kill Sam if Dean couldn’t save him. But Dean doesn’t. He says that John begged Dean not to tell Sam, but it’s not John’s words that keep Dean silent. It’s his love for Sam and Sam’s wellbeing. And this brotherly love slash codependency is used by characters throughout the entire series, from the demons in season 1 to the literal character of God in season 15, to manipulate Dean and Sam. As many characters have pointed out, including Dean and Sam themselves, they are each other’s weak points.  

At the end of season two, when Sam dies from a stab wound in his spine, Dean trades his own life for Sam’s. He makes a deal with a crossroads demon—his soul for Sam’s life—and subsequently dies and goes to hell at the end of season 3. Dean literally dies a gruesome death and spends forty years being tortured in hell because he couldn’t live without Sam. At the end of Season 8, Sam is dying from the effects of the trials, which he undergoes in order to close the gates of hell, and Dean convinces him to stop because, again, he can’t live without Sam. Sidenote: this is where I stopped being interested in their brotherly dynamic to the point of losing interest in the show. It became clear to me that the showrunners were more concerned with rehashing the same tired storylines between Sam and Dean than focus on characters who could expand the world and make the show better. In fact, they killed a lot of the interesting side characters in order to keep the show solely focused on the brothers. The exception to this is Castiel, and the reason they kept Cas around is because when he died in season 7 the ratings tanked. If that wasn’t a clear enough sign that the showrunners needed to open up the show to more than just Sam and Dean’s caustic dynamic in which they die and kill for and then betray and lie to each other over and over, then I just don’t know what the fans could have done to convince them. Nothing, apparently, because they ended the show with just Sam and Dean.

Dean’s relationship with John is fraught with insecurity and codependency. Dean has so little sense of self that what he does consider to be his carefully curated list of likes and dislikes were inherited directly from John: his car, his leather jacket, his hunting abilities, and his music taste. He also throws himself into hunts without any regard for his own safety, because he doesn’t believe that he is worth saving, or that his life is worth living. His personality is crafted from both John’s reliance on him as a son, hunter and partner in crime, and the woman he assumes Mary to be. Dean’s sense of self-worth relies on how many people he can save. This is why, in season 2 episode “What is and what should never be,” Dean’s dream reality is one in which he’s a low life loser who disappoints his family—because without John pushing him to be a hunter, Dean doesn’t save people, and because he doesn’t save people, he isn’t worth anything. Bear in mind that this is the best reality Dean’s mind could conjure for him: one in which his father is dead, and he himself is not worth saving.

In one of the most famous exchanges, he asks Cas why an angel would rescue him from hell, and Cas replies, “What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” Twenty-nine years of bluster, insouciance, and a give-em-hell attitude crumbles in two sentences, wrought by a being Dean refuses to believe exists because, again, he doesn’t think that he deserves to be saved by them. He says, “[Why me? I don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God].” He thinks of himself so lowly that he accepted a one-year deal in exchange for Sam being alive. Dean cares so much about his family he lets it kill him.

But it’s not just Sam, Mary and John. Dean’s family grows to encompass a number of side characters: most notably Bobby their surrogate father, Charlie Bradbury the hacker, Claire Novak, Jack Kline, and Lisa and Ben Braeden. Even Mary makes another appearance in seasons 12 to 14. Unfortunately, because the show is the way it is, Dean puts Sam above all of these side characters, and then these characters are written out of the show. I should specify that Cas is not a side character; in most seasons, Misha Collins is billed as a main cast member, with his name appearing after Jensen Ackles in the credits. But he still dies in the third-last episode in order to have the show stay about the brothers. Even Jack, inarguably Cas and Dean’s son, is written out of the show in the second-last episode after dying multiple times. I say inarguably because I am not gonna argue with anyone about this. Claire and Jack are Dean and Cas’s kids. Dean and Cas are great parents who chaperone Jack’s prom and buy Claire her first hunting bow. They’re all one big happy, queer, neurodivergent family.

Dean loves the people in his life with reckless abandon. The times he’s excused Cas’s behaviour after Cas has done something ridiculous or foolish are too many to count. He grieves Cas’s multiple deaths, often succumbing to his alcoholism and entropy whenever Cas leaves him for more than a day. In a truly beautiful scene, Dean wraps Cas’s corpse in a curtain and watches, utterly and completely devastated, as his body burns. By this point, they have done so much for each other that it’s impossible to even envision the show without Cas, and indeed imagine Dean without his love for Cas. And we don’t have to for very long, as he always comes back a few episodes later. Even knowing this, the episodes where Dean mourns Cas are so heartbreaking and haunting that I cried for days after watching them.

Dean is great with kids, and every time he’s not is completely the fault of whoever is writing him in any given episode. We see him bonding with Lisa’s son Ben in season 3 and 6, Jesse in the season 5 episode “I Believe The Children Are Our Future,” and Lucas in the season one episode “Dead in the water”. With every child he meets, Dean gets on their level, empathising with them in a way most adults can’t. Like Claire and Jack, Dean has a complicated relationship with his father, who dies in the beginning of season 2 after bargaining his soul for Dean’s life to the demon that took their mother. Just like anyone else’s life, right? Must be Tuesday. This means Dean can relate to most children with traumatic backgrounds involving their parents, as a victim of parental abuse and having his mother die at age 4. I can’t find any sources to back this up, but a theory that rolled around in fandom was that Dean became mute after Mary died, which is what happens to Lucas after his father drowns. He says in “Dead In the Water” that he loves kids, and it’s true. As one tumblr user put it, Dean wanted to be baby trapped.

Dean carries the deaths and pain of his loved ones with him like Atlas carrying the world on his shoulders. When Claire is bitten by a werewolf, the characters administer blood of the sire wolf that bit her in order to cure her of her lycanthropy. Dean has to leave the room while she’s in pain, because he can’t bear to watch her die. The same goes for when Jack dies. Thankfully, Claire lives and Jack comes back a few episodes later.

When thinking about Dean being a father, I’m reminded of that scene from Scrubs when Dr Cox says he’s worried about being a father because his own dad was an abusive alcoholic. The difference between Dr Cox and Dean is that Dean doesn’t have his reservations about raising kids. He fits into Lisa and Ben’s life easily, at least for the first year, and we see a montage which includes him teaching Ben how to fix cars. When Claire lets her guard down enough to hug Dean, he hugs back just as hard. When he finally deals with the trauma of Cas dying in season 13, he accepts Jack into his life, and even grieves Jack when he dies. Dean escapes the intergenerational trauma that plagues his family by being a fantastic dad to the random kids who happen into his life by chance. He was born to be a father, and the fact that this show took that away from him and us as the audience makes me want to kick the showrunners into the sun.

Until season 6, Dean’s family only included men. The concept of the nuclear family—two sons, a husband and a wife—was ripped apart in the prologue of the first episode when Mary dies. Dean doesn’t know family for the first 5 seasons of the show outside Sam, John, Cas and Bobby. I do consider Ellen and Jo to be important to the story, but they’re only in a handful of episodes and die in season 5 for a reason that is plainly ridiculous. Did the Winchesters have to lose every single person in their lives to the fight? Clearly Kripke thought they were going to be cancelled after the fifth season, because it shows. And honestly? Maybe they should have. Let’s retroactively cancel the whole show. It can’t hold power over us anymore, because it’s dead and we cremated it.

But when Dean moves in with Lisa and Ben, he discovers a new type of family he didn’t have before, and new family dynamics. Instead of the 28-year-old son that Sam is to him, he takes the opportunity to teach Ben about cars and spend time with him and Lisa without the need to hunt. He gets a job, he makes some friends, and he lives the safe, apple pie life he begrudged Sam for in the pilot episode. It’s only when Sam reappears in his life that Dean’s codependency strikes again and he realises that he can’t live half in the normal world with Lisa and Ben and half in the hunting world with Sam. Sam says this himself in the first episode of Season 6, “Exile On Main Street”. Despite the ways Dean tried to settle down throughout the rest of the 9 seasons, the showrunners ultimately decided a man who was healing from trauma and alcoholism, who had adopted two kids as his own, and was learning how to bake cakes for his son’s birthday, deserved to die at the ripe age of 40, a week or so after he’d learned that his best friend was in love with him. You gotta laugh. Instead of getting the ending both Dean and we deserved—which was Dean settling down, opening a bar, and living the next forty years in relative gay peace while he got fat and watched Cheers reruns—well, we got something else. And I will always be bitter about that.

While it’s clear from the first season that he has reckless and suicidal tendencies, he doesn’t stop fighting to the bitter end. Even when faced with his own impending death in the season 2 premiere, “In my time of dying,” he fights to stay alive for Sam and John, while working the mystery that is overcoming his own death. Devastated as he is by Sam diving into hell at the end of season 5 and seemingly gone for good, Dean still gets up everyday and makes a life for himself in Lisa’s home. While season 6 was overall a bummer of a season, just god-awful in every aspect, saved from my complete vitriol only by “The French Mistake,” it did show us how great a dad Dean can be, and readied us for what was to come—being Claire and Jack’s dad. The lengths he goes to for his family are immense and all-consuming. As Cas says in “Despair”, Dean is a being of love. He loves everyone else, even when he can’t find it in him to love himself. He really thinks that he’s just a killer, not a father or a husband.

I’ve never subscribed to the idea that we have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else, or before anyone else can love us. Sorry Rupaul, you old bitch. We are all deserving of love, because love sustains us and helps us grow. And when we don’t know how to, it’s through loving others that we can learn to love ourselves. If Dean knew what a great father and friend and husband and brother he is, if he could see himself the way others, in the show and out of it, see him, I think he’d burst. You don’t like getting singled out at birthday parties? Well tough shit, Dean Winchester, because I’m gonna devote an entire podcast to you.

I talked about Dean’s carefully curated list of likes and dislikes before but I’ll go into more detail now. Things he likes: guns; rock and roll; nice cars; women; fighting; scamming people at pool; back alley blowjobs, probably; pie; driving across the country; Ozzy concerts; cowboy movies; being in control of every little thing in his life. His dislikes are: flying on planes; hair metal; angels and demons; anyone who harms his brother, his best friend or his kids; boredom; and being jerked around.

Okay I literally cannot talk about the cowboy movies without mentioning that he makes Cas watch them with him, in his Deancave, and the implications of that make my head roll off my body and into the dirt. Like they literally have gay little movie nights and watch their gay little cowboy movies together and Dean says all the gay little lines. I said I wasn’t going to talk about his sexuality, but mentioning cowboy movies leads to Cas wearing a cowboy hat and saying “I’m your Huckleberry.” This makes me insane. Excuse me, I must have my daily scream.

Okay, I’ve collected myself. Have I? Let’s just move on. In the Winchester tradition of inherited family trauma, Dean gets all of John’s interests, and Sam gets all of John’s mistakes. Dean’s personality throughout the show is basically quippy remarks, pop culture references, laughing with food in his mouth, and grouchiness. In case you haven’t realised, he is amazing to me. Every time he fires a rifle or pistol? Couldn’t be better. Eating a burger made of out donuts? Fucking incredible. Even when faced with beings with untold power, he doesn’t lose his cool. One of my favourite exchanges is when Zachariah comes to Chuck’s house in the first episode of season 5, “Sympathy For The Devil,” and starts soliloquising at him, Dean tells him to “cram it with walnuts, ugly.” Cram it with walnuts, ugly. It’s been ten years and that still makes me laugh. Top ten Dean lines for sure. Like all of my main characters throughout the years of writing original fiction are just “Dean Winchester but girl,” and I’m a good writer, but I can never come close to the level of hilarity that he achieves. And every single writer on the show seems to get that. The only times I can think of where Dean’s characterisation has irked me on a writing level are in season 6—basically the entire thing—and the way he treats Jack in the later seasons, specifically late season 15. But it’s really rare for me to watch an episode and not enjoy Dean. Even throughout the Mark Of Cain era, which I loved, when things were very serious, he had such style and panache and held himself so confidently that I was like, wait maybe he made some points? Maybe he should kill everyone?

Dean is a hunter and a killer, but that’s not all he is. He’s very skilled in hand to hand combat, weaponry, and tactical manoeuvres. Even when something doesn’t go exactly to plan, he’s usually able to improvise something to end up with a win. Because he is the main character, his choices and reactions, while sometimes extremely problematic, are never questioned, and that’s to his detriment. In the last episode of season 14, “Moriah,” Dean is unable to kill Jack, but in early season 15, he treats Jack’s betrayal as Cas’s fault, because he can’t take it out on Jack. Cas leaves, but it’s framed as a good thing because Cas is Jack’s father, and has to take responsibility for what Jack has done. In this instance, I don’t blame Cas at all. Okay I rarely blame Cas for anything, including the things he’s done wrong, because no he didn’t and you can’t prove it. But he especially didn’t do anything wrong when Jack killed Mary, and he didn’t do anything wrong by killing Belphagor. But by the middle of the season, in the episode “The Trap,” Dean admits his wrongdoing in taking his anger out on Cas, one of the only people who loves him without conditions. You’d think this would be a defining moment of character progression, but then Dean chooses to act exactly the same way by throwing Jack under the bus. Like, throwing him harder, under a bigger bus. So what was the point.

Anyway, those are choices the writers made, and not Dean.

Going back to what I was saying about being neurodivergent, Dean has adhd. I know this because I have adhd, and I’m Dean-coded. He’s wildly creative, impulsive, has a touch of OCD, and he has a hard time making long-lasting friends, although this is mostly due to how all his friends die. His best friend is an autistic angel and the only reason they’re still friends is because they’re obsessed with each other, in like a really unhealthy way. One of the funny things about his and Cas’s relationship is that every time you see them in the same shot, Cas is standing perfectly still and Dean is constantly moving. They are almost complete opposites, aside from their queerness and neurodivergence. But then, I haven’t met a single queer person in my entire life who isn’t neurodivergent or disabled in some way. That doesn’t mean we can’t live perfectly functional and normal lives, it just means we’re better than everyone else.  

Dean also exhibits black and white thinking—to him all felons are redeemable and all monsters should be killed. Felons are redeemable because he himself is a felon, and monsters should be killed because they all do monstrous things. When faced with the possibility of angels being real, he refuses to believe it for the first two episodes, because, as he says, “he’s never seen one.” Eventually he learns how to see in shades of grey and not kill every monster he meets, but this is because of his time in purgatory with Benny, his Cajun vampire boyfriend.

Another sign of Dean’s ADHD is physical sensitivity. In the season one episode “Bugs,” he comments on the shower’s water pressure. Like it’s a big deal to him, when he’s only ever used 1-star motel room showers. In the later seasons, he’s also seen to wear a fluffy robe and soft pajamas with hotdogs on them and socks that say “Send Noods” but noods spelt like noodles. And so he should! Dean deserves comfort! He’s a special boy.

ADHDers often have problems with executive function—remembering appointments, cleaning up after ourselves, showering, eating, even going to the toilet when we need to pee. The hunting life excludes Dean from the normal functions of usual life, such as dentist appointments, dropping the kids off at school, meal prepping for the week, or turning up to a job on time. These were only factors in Dean’s life during the gap between seasons 5 and 6 when he lived with Lisa and Ben, and it’s not shown how his executive dysfunction impacted his suburban, settled life, but Lisa does mention that Dean drinks a lot. It’s another thing he inherited from John, much as I did my alcoholism from my father, and my adhd too. But Sam doesn’t drink to excess more than a handful of times over the entire 15 seasons, whereas Dean subsists on alcohol to get through the day. At one point in season 11, I’m pretty sure, don’t fact check me, he is shown to be drinking a beer at about 10 in the morning, because, as he says to Sam, “You drank all the coffee. What do you want me to do? Drink water?” Dean your liver must be quaking.

Excess is a common problem for people with ADHD. We have problems with limiting ourselves—because our dopamine machine broke, anything that gives us a little bit of high—such as sugar, sex, alcohol, stimulants, any kind of food that is bad for us but tastes real good—we usually have it in excess because we can’t help ourselves. In the season 4 episode “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” Dean eats the entirety of the candy in the Impala. The only reasons I don’t eat everything in my fridge every day is because, one, I don’t have the money, and two, it’s all ingredients I have to prepare and not ready-made food. Whereas Dean has only known fast food for the first 10 or so seasons until he starts cooking and baking and settling into domesticity. Like anyone who gets UberEats every day instead of cooking for themselves knows how expensive that is. He also engages in meaningless sex, although people have pointed that Sam actually gets more on screen action than Dean. But I know a lot of amab people who engage in casual sex with randos because it satisfies a base need. Dean could be classified as hypersexual in some regards, but I know what hypersexuality feels like and it’s like this overwhelming miasma where you can’t think about anything except how horny you are, and I don’t think Dean has that normally. Maybe when he was a demon in season 10, but generally I think he can control himself.

His settled life in the men of letters Bunker is a far cry from his flashbacks in season 8 to Purgatory. From what we know of purgatory, the land of gods and monsters, it was a year-long monster hunt, but without any of the boring paperwork. Dean got to fight and kill as many vampires, ghouls, leviathan, etc as came his way, which is why it’s absolutely ridiculous that he died by rebar in a vampire fight. He spent an entire year spilling blood and chopping off heads, day and night, and he dies by metal bar to the spine? And he’s not even coughing up blood? Andrew Dabb, I’m coming for you. Of course purgatory is the perfect place for Dean because it’s constant adrenaline, constant excitement, constant stimulation, which is what every day life lacks. Even Dean’s every day life is like, 20% monster killing and the rest is leg work. They go weeks or months between cases, and sometimes don’t find the monster at all. So I’m not surprised he gets bored easily and drinks. Would if I could too, my pal.

Which leads me onto Dwelling. Dean dwells on the horrors of his life in a way I do and my carefree older brothers don’t. In the season 4 episode “Heaven and Hell,” he reveals to Sam that he remembers his entire forty years in hell, and there are flashes of his memory littered throughout the season in creepy, split-second increments. He dwells on the people who die, doing his thousand-yard stare into the funeral pyre of everyone they cremate. In the most egregious display of dwelling, he rewrites history TWICE to deal with his grief — in season 8 he makes himself believe that it was his fault Cas didn’t come back from purgatory with him, and again in season 13 he invents the story of Jack controlling Cas to deal with his grief over Cas’s death. His PTSD twists the truth until it becomes another way to torture himself, because if someone gets hurt it’s on him; everyone who loves him is just one more person to disappoint.

On a lighter note, Hyperfixations, equivalent to Autism special interests, are a common trait of ADHD. Some of Dean’s hyperfixations include: hunting in general; cowboys and cowboy movies; the musical Rent; the movie Braveheart; larping. He loves dressing up and acting, and what is putting on a monkey suit and lying about being a Fed if not larping? Oh god the meta of that coupled with the season 4 episode “The Monster At The End Of This Book” is making my head hurt. And actually, the next episode of Holy Hell is on the subject of meta-textuality so stick around if that’s something you enjoy.

One of the amazing things about ADHD is creativity. Since we’re easily bored and easily amused, we’re constantly pushing the boundaries of our curiosity. In season three episode “Bloodlust,” Dean decapitates a vampire with a miter saw, something that even veteran vampire hunter Gordon Walker comments is a thing of beauty. Dean creates a Ma’lak box in season 14 episode “Damaged Goods” as a way to contain Michael if he ever inhabits Dean’s body again. Dean is always making up words like “were-pire” and “Jefferson Starships,” and he has an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of pop culture, which he references in almost every line of dialogue. Like tv and movies raised me, but even I don’t understand a lot of his references. It’s almost like he’s a character in a tv show being written by dozens of people. But that’s not right. He’s a real person and my friend. My friend Dean Winchester, who shouts me burgers and passes out on my couch.

Also, I’m bragging now but as of the day of writing this I got my ADHD diagnosis and it feels so good to have a doctor, a psychiatrist in fact, confirm my belief. After about three or four years of figuring out I have adhd and then trying to make everyone else believe me when I say I do, it feels like a huge weight off. Dean deserved to feel that. He deserves to put a name to his differences and be in charge of his life instead of letting his anger, confusion and impulses control him. If anyone is worried that you might have something and don’t know whether to pursue a diagnosis, my two cents are that it has only improved my life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder in 2014 and it allowed me to go on medication, which snapped me out of the worst period of anxiety I have ever gone through and also a psychotic episode that featured talking walls and a swarm of Christmas beetles. Trust me, we all need help sometimes, and some people like me need more help than others, but you can take control of the forces in your life that hold you back. As my mother used to say to me when I was a child, the world is your oyster. It really fucking does get better, and since I started on the right anti-depressants for me my life has improved so goddamn much. The world is fucked right now, and it’s impossible to even function on most levels. We all need therapy. I myself have a gp, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist and they keep me relatively sane. I would not be alive if I didn’t have years and years of ongoing therapy and good drugs. Plus I journal everyday and practice gratitude. I’m still crazy but the craziness is contained and doesn’t hurt me anymore.

Despite never going to therapy, Dean grows from being a loner with one friend (his own brother) to someone with a wealth of connections and family. He picks up new people to love like he’s velcro, and when he goes in he goes all in. He would die for the people he loves. He’s constantly putting himself in danger to protect his loved ones. In the Season 6 episode “Let It Bleed,” Dean captures and tortures demons in an effort to find out where Crowley took Lisa and Ben. He then has Cas wipe their memories so that they don’t remember him and can live their lives without him, at his own great distress. In season 5, he goes to Stull Cemetery to impinge on the fight between Lucifer and Michael, just to be there for Sam. As Dean says, he’s “not going to let him die alone.”

That being said, I do have to talk about Dean’s very few, but ultimately life-ruining, flaws. His emotional dysregulation makes his moods unpredictable at best. By virtue of his black and white thinking, he forces the people he loves to choose sides between him and other characters, such as Sam and Ruby, Cas and Crowley, Mary and the british men of letters, and Cas and Jack, and when they don’t choose him, he passively aggressively, and sometimes just aggressively, tortures them until something else usurps their betrayal. His anger issues are par to none, and often get him in a lot of trouble. But since he is the main character, he never really faces consequences for this, and neither does he mature. Even in the final season episode “The Trap,” while Dean admits how angry he is and how wrong he was for taking it out on Cas when Jack died, mere episodes later in “Unity” he turns Jack into a nuclear reactor to take out God, and Jack dies again. His characterisation in the last few seasons, especially in regards to Jack, is all over the place. I would have to start a murderboard to explain how Dean feels about Jack and how he reacts to what Jack does in every episode. Like, pictures and red string and everything. And even then I would not be able to comprehend exactly what the writers did and what they thought they were doing.

But unlike me, Dean always believes the best in people until proven otherwise, and he does always come around to the people who atone for their sins. Even when Sam refuses to get his soul back in season 6, Dean keeps trying until Sam is put right. Between seasons 7 and 8, He spends a year in Purgatory looking for Cas despite how Cas sent Sam insane, ingested billions of monster souls, and became God. When the people he loves choose him, he chooses them back.

But even when they betray him, lie to him, deceive him, and hurt the other people in his life, he can’t stop loving them. He never stops loving Sam or Cas or Jack or Mary or John or Bobby. He loves with everything he has. He is, as Cas says, a being of love.

Oof. That was a lot of words and I feel like I only just scratched the surface. Like realistically I just talked about fambily and ADHD. There is just so much to Dean Winchester that maybe I’ll make another episode sometime. But I am definitely making an episode purely about Dean’s gender presentation and sexuality in the future. You can find the show at holyhellpod on Tumblr where I post transcripts for the episodes and Instagram where I post memes.

I don’t see myself doing an episode about Sam any time soon, Not because I don’t like Sam, but because I can’t stand Jared Padalecki. He’s done some things that I can’t support, and I’m really bad at separating the art from the artist. Especially when it’s something like Supernatural, which is not art. Supernatural is an experiment. It’s not Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry. Like Jared Padalecki didn’t invent rock and roll, you know what I’m saying? However, if you really want me to do an episode about Sam, you can pay me 101 Australian dollars and 50 Australian cents at patreon.com/holyhellpod. I’ll talk to you next time.

Links

http://www.scififantasynetwork.com/dean-winchester-has-adhd/

[castielscarma]

The show.. or rather the trenchcoat has *robbed* us of all that thickness!

Misha's 45th birthday on set

He is so very beautiful!

❤

[clarapresents]

So many problems in Supernatural’s ending

Why there are so many problems in Supernatural's ending ?

Hello guys I'm not talking to much on social medias but for this time, I need to talk about Supernatural's ending and explain all the problems in it.

1 . Dean's death

My biggest issue with this episode is the way Dean dies : empalled on a stick. Are you kidding me ? Dean survives the Devil, Michael, Leviathans, Angels and God himself and you're telling me it's the way he dies. Oh god I'm furious I understand the idea of Dean dying hunting, it was indeed his wish back in season 8 so we can say there is a sense ? But nope because his death was pretty bad, not an epic battle juste a meh one and maybe it was his wish at this time but don't you think than maybe he changes his mind ? And we have to remember that at that time Chuck was manipulating things so we can think it was the case. Also I want you to remember the importance for Dean to finally being free. Poor guy after winning he just dies a couple of days later. In fact, we don't know we have no clue they can have least put some words like 5 years later to tell us that Dean enjoys his freedom but based on what we see I assume it's not very later after episode 19.

I believe the writers didn't know how to make a life for Dean after all the big battles so they decide to kill him so Sam can have his « happy » life but we know that Dean's happy ending is with Cas but it can not be seen on big screen, right ? (irony) I felt stupid because I have some hope they manage an Destiel ending even if I didn't think they make it too obvious but enought to let us know.

2 . No reunions bertween Saileen and Destiel

I'm sorry but no Destiel and Saileen reunions don't make ANY SENSE.

They manage to develop the romance between Sam and Eileen just to completly forget about it in the finale. Even if we can presume than in the normal life the blur woman is Eileen, there sould have been a real reunion between this two.

And Destiel I don't need to explain Cas is a main character who is one of the big reasons that the show continues so many years so why the writers don't let us the chance to see him one last time ? We know he is alive now so come on ! I would also add that the relation between Dean and Cas is one of the main subjects of season 15 (and the serie) so having their reunion would have been the minimum. I'm so disgusted. And in regard of their relation, it makes no sense that Cas didn't welcome Dean in heaven : he is THE reason why he chooses humanity over angels, THIS human teachs him what it's like to love, having family, caring about people. We saw Cas changes a lot during this past seasons and it's because of Dean. And from Dean's point of view, the fact that he didn't search Cas, didn't talk about him (like for real) bother me a lot and it's out of character.

I know the production has problems with COVID restrictions but I don't forgive because they choose to bring some random female vampire of season 1 more than Cas and Eileen, really ? And we have Jim Beaver (and I'm happy about it) so why not Misha Collins it was possible you can't tell me otherwise.

3 . Family don't end with blood seems to be a lie

Yep one of the biggest messages in Supernatural is « Family don't end with blood » because during their journey they meet so many great people : Cas, Charlie, Garth, Crowley and so many others that make them a family. But in the end everybody is gone, dead or we don't what happens to them. Sam and Dean are the only survivors so I guess family did end with blood. Nobody in the production seems to care about this. Fortunately we have Bobby in heaven, the only represantative person of “Family don't end with blood” but it's not enought and despite the COVID restrictions they could have done better. Back in episode 19 we have Lucifer, Adam, Chuck, some random reaper and Jack so don't tell me they couldn't get more people.

Some good points ?

There are despite all this negative points somme good ones. So here we go !

I like Jack's ending (episode 19 I know but I am desperate to find good points), him becoming God makes sense because he has light and darkness in him so it's the right balance. Furthermore, all his philosophy about being in each of us without interfering seems great to me and also I like the fact that he rebuilts heaven with CAS. I was happy that Cas doesn't finish in Empty I would have been even more upset (if this is possible). At least we know he is alive fixing heaven. And I love the fact that heaven is no more a place where you live your past memories but a place where you live freely surounded by all your friends and family. So for us Destiel shippers, we can imagine that Cas and Dean are reunited in heaven and live happily but I would like to actually see it and not just imagine it.

And also the Sam's ending isn't too bad. Not everything is perfect indeed but I like that he had the opportuny to living a normal life with wife and a kid named Dean (so sweet) and in parallel having his hunter life. I know it's not really shown but the fact that he goes on a hunt after Dean dies and Donna's calls (by the way it's nice to know she is alive) and also his son has THE tatoo that make us believe that he continues the family business. That's why I am thinking that. But of course I am mad about the make up of Sam's old version and that wig was awful but hilarious at the same time. Sam has his « happy » life but he seems pretty sad because Dean wasn't there and that broke my heart.

And one last point, I like the reunion between Sam and Dean in heaven, them dressed like 1x01, their talk, their smile and their face so peaceful but so many great characters are missing and I'm not ok with that. In general the scenes between Sam and Dean were emotional and strong.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I think this episode should be start to zero because there are so many problems and also the rythm of the episode is soooooooo slow that it became annoying. I know it is does on purpose but it was frustating and I couldn't help myselft thinking « cut more the scenes and bring us the other great characters ». I know that the origin of the story is about Sam and Dean, two brothers on the road fighting monsters but the story evolves a lot they create a bigger family. And this end feels like the writers have completely forgotten about the past seasons and are just thinking with the seasons 1, 2 and 3 and it's a lack of respect for all this great characters especially Castiel. Maybe I would be more satisfied if they posted bonus scenes with Saileen reunion and Destiel reunion that could calm me a little but I don't think they will do that.

Furthermore, I don't know how the story could continue now I know people talked maybe about a movie or a mini serie but now how ? With everything that happens it seems complicated but « No one stays dead » in Supernatural everything is possible because we need a correction of this ending it's an emergency for the fans.

Thank you for reading me if you stay until the end I know it was long but I feel so upset that I need to talk about it. Tell me what you think about this and let's pray for better days for Supernatural.

PS : I am a french girl I tried my best to write in english I hope it’s not too bad :P

[get-some-jelp]

Things you learn after meeting Misha Collins

You think he's amazing based on what you see in the show and online, but it never really hits you that he really is that awesome until you see him in person and HE REALLY IS THAT AWESOME

He loves his wife, sorry Cockles fans, but he does and it's obvious and adorable. He pulled out her chair for her and made sure she was comfortable and ready before they started doing autographs.

Everybody talks about how they want a guy to look at them like Flynn looks at Rapunzel or something like that, but I want somebody who looks at me like Vicki looks at Misha. Honestly, I wish I had gotten a picture of her face when he's not looking. They really love each other

His smile literally lightens the room. We were standing in a bookstore basement with poor lighting for this and he smiled and everything glowed brighter. Magic smile, he has, and his whole face crinkles with joy when he does smile. He could flatten fandoms with that smile

Calling his eyes blue is like saying the Grand Canyon is kinda ok. The show doesn't do them justice, and neither do pictures. They're not sky blue or the color of the ocean, but they are so blue that if you look too closely, they will make you stumble back a step. It's like cerulean and turquoise had a baby and it's the color of Misha's eyes. They are piercing and entrancing and I have no words. There is nothing you can compare them to that would accurately describe the color and the beauty.

Even after you've met him, it still doesn't really sink in that YOU. MET. HIM.

A week later you wake up with wide eyes as it hits you- Holy shit, I met Misha Collins. I can crossed that off my bucket list- HOLY SHIT

A month later you realize that you stared into the eyes that Jensen Ackles has spent hours looking into, and that realization will paralyze you for a good minute or more

2 months later you realize that you stood in the same room. You breathed the same air as a man so epic as him. You walked down the same stairs, you touched the same doorknob, talked to the same people. That one still amazes you.

And he's so nice. The people at the bookstores were strict and kinda mean and said he would only sign the cookbook, but he took the time to talk to people and sign pop figures and my Supernatural Bestiary book

He signed my signature with a heart next to my name and when I said "Dean says hi" he winked at me. If a smile can flatten fandoms, his wink could be more powerful than a Thanos snap. I don't know how I'm alive. If I ever needed a confirmation of Destiel, it's Misha effing Collins winking at me at the sound of Dean's name.

His and Vicki's signature are eerily similar, with the difference of the M and the V of course. But the rest of the cursive squiggle is the same and that's pretty cool

Misha looks nothing like Castiel and it's unreal how true that is. Castiel is a powerful, trenchcoated badass, and Misha is a goofy, happy man. Castiel actually looks bigger than him- Misha seems smaller than Cas in person, but without Jared towering over him, he is reasonably tall. But he's down to earth and beautiful inside and out

[lowsodiumfreaks67]

Thank You Supernatural

Dear Cast and crew of the incredible Supernatural family, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you’ve done for so many people over the whole world over the past 14 going on 15 years.

When Supernatural started in 2005 I was only 6 years old and being from the UK and from a home struggling with money I didn’t have access to American television shows, Supernatural didn’t enter my life until I was 17 and honestly It couldn’t have come into my life at a better time because it saved me.

On Wednesday 17th August 2016 I attempted to take my own life for the 3rd time, I had finished high school a year prior and nothing was going the way i had thought it would or wanted it to. I was bullied and beaten quite severely all the way throughout high school, I even had a few teachers who had it out for me for some unknown reason, my parents split when I was in year 10 and I lost contact with alot of my fathers family because because they all blamed me for the separation, all of this resulted in me missing classes and becoming afraid to leave my house because I believed what I was being told was true, I thought I was worthless, no one cared for me, I was an inconvenience in the lives of everyone I knew and their lives would be better without me in them.

Because this was the 3rd attempt on my life I ended up having to stay in hospital until I was both physically and mentally ready to go back home, this was when I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bipolar, during this time I spent a lot of time binge watching shows on the internet, one of the nurses saw what I was doing and the kind of shows I was watching, that’s when she suggested I watch this show called supernatural, it had been on for quite a while and there was plenty of material to catch up on, I started at the very beginning and after hearing dean speak those infamous words “ Dads on a hunting trip and hasn’t been home in a few days” I was hooked.

Not having many friends and family being distant towards me I didn’t have much to do and spent a lot of my time at home watching this incredible show and finding out about the people behind it, it wasn’t long before I came across the campaign started by Jared Padalecki,  Always Keep Fighting, Jared started the AKF campaign in 2015 with the aim of raising awareness for mental health, Jared himself revealed that he suffered from depression, for once in my life I felt like I was no longer alone, no one in my family believes that mental illness is serious and its just an excuse so they didn’t take my diagnosis seriously, seeing Jared go through this and be so confident talking about it being able to talk to other people and sharing his story, I felt like I could look up to him, kind of like an older brother who I could turn to for advice, since beginning AKF and other campaigns the wonderful actors on this show have started a conversation withing the community in which they’re encouraging fans that it’s okay to be open about their problems and prompting them to help each other because we are all family.

The wonderfully kind Jensen Ackles has showed me that anything can be done if you put your mind to it and work hard, he revealed that he suffered from anxiety and has struggled with many things in the past whether it be doing a difficult scene on the show or going on stage for panels at the many supernatural conventions that are held throughout the years, but throughout all of this he has proven that he can overcome everything and perform in front of thousands people and blow the roof off the place with his incredible voice.

The beautiful Misha Collins has proven that just because you come from a tough background does not mean that you don’t have the same chances as everyone else, growing up in poverty and even being homeless for a portion of his childhood he was able to leave all of that behind him and become successful and skilled enough to be able to build his own home for his family, he has also been able to learn from his experiences and become a better man because of it. He also has been a big contributor to charity with the Random Acts campaigns and the GISH scavenger hunts. 

There are many infamous quotes from the show and from the actors that resonate deeply with me, some of them more than others, “Family doesn’t end with blood “ this one has meant the most to me, when my biological family weren’t enough or weren’t there for me I had my Supernatural family to turn to in times of need, “Decide to be fine until the end of the week. Make yourself smile, because you’re alive and that’s your job. Then do it again the next week “ just because you’re not okay now does not mean that it’s going to be like this forever, you just gotta take it a little bit at a time until it gets a little easier, “You know, who cares where happiness comes from? Look, we’re all a little weird, we’re all a little wacky – some more than others – but… if it works, it works.” It’s okay to be a little odd, whatever works for you works and that’s okay don’t let anyone tell you any different.

So Thank you Supernatural for not only saving my life but making my life a whole lot better and worth living.

Thank you xx❤️