#happy pride month i guess. im so tired

[mocury-moto]

Rant time but. Every time I see somebody on here say something along the lines of "Why are there so many TERFs following me? What about my content would attract TERFs to my blog?" I can't help but wonder how many jokes they've been making about hating men. Because I hate to break it to you but. It's that.

See, when you make that sort of "joke," I'm sure what you expect to happen is that horrible men will get upset and leave, and that men who are more reasonable people will recognize it's not talking about them and shrug it off. Unfortunately for literally everyone involved but especially you, that doesn't happen at fucking all.

What DOES happen is that the douchebag men you are talking about are the ones who will shrug it off and assume they're not who you're talking about. and at the same time, every single trans man, every single person attracted to men, and every single man who ISN'T a douchebag now feels INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE with you and your content.

Great job! You just pushed away every single ally you could possibly have in this situation! And, of course, by getting rid of every actually good man in your space, did you know what you did? You not only opened the door to TERFs in your circle, you actually also put a big neon sign out front saying "ALL WOMEN ALLOWED" which, oops! Includes all the trashiest and douchebag-iest women in the goddamn world! Congratulations! You are your own downfall!

You can put as many "TERFs DNI" banners on your blog or your posts as you like, but none of that is going to change the fact that you are saying the same drivel that they are. And no, being queer does not make you exempt from this. Do better.

[an-aro-made-of-aspen]

I love seeing those posts with the parents celebrating their queer kids, tbh.

But it's like a bittersweet, double-edged sword for me. I'm so happy for these people and it means so much knowing people are out there that are respectful and accepting of their kids and of the LGBT+ community.

And it just reminds me that the people I'm around, that I work with or live with/near just... aren't. They aren't like that. They don't accept us. Or they just dismiss me and my feelings. My sibling is the only one who isn't like that in my life. And it hurts to realize that. But, at the same time, I'm not in the worst situation, I'm not in physical danger (if you don't count my general workplace hazards). I just. Can't be out. I can't go around wearing my flag in the open. I can't casually mention that I'm aro or queer in some way without scorn or dismissal. And I can't talk about the problems I have or the successes I've found. Because they don't wanna listen. Because I don't matter to these people outside of a "carefree" smile and "Disney Princess" attitude.

I wish I was more.

More courageous. More interesting. More well-spoken.

More palatable.

But I'm not. And I never will be on at least a couple of those things (working on the courage, lol). And I shouldn't have to wish for that just so people would listen to me or take me seriously. I'm 24. I know my voice is squeaky. I know I act carefree and easy-going. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be taken seriously or don't want people to listen to me.

Or that I don't want to be myself.

I want to be a whole person. Not a caricature of myself or a shell of a person I don't know.

I'm tired.

[prettynice8]

Hidan x preferably male reader

Okay I’m going anon because this is gonna be KINKY

Um anyway haha I’m talking hair pulling

I’m talking like uh biting

umm umm 😇 oh yeah like um

idk fucking…um maybe can you do A fucking trans ftm reader or some shit idfk if it’s just male that’s cool too i don’t know

like i don’t know sex that’s what usually happens ⁉️

i don’t know I’m so tired right now 😭 this is turning out not that kinky OH SHIT WAIT choking yeah that too but it needs to be HIM anyway yeah 😎 yeah anyway thanks im so tired so im not editing fucking *shit* but yeah hope this is readable anyway thanks bye im gonna go take a nap 😍

oh yeah but then it’s like he calls you a Bitch etc because it’s da- Hidan like ⁉️ anyway but we know he loves us 😌 stupid man couldn’t last a day without us with his horny ahh 😝😚✌️ okay bye for real why is this so long help im sorry they say im chatty but wow but yeah now bye 🥲💀

OMFG this was so funny I can't

Hidan x ftm male reader

This guy

Stuff: swearing, degradation, BDSM?, kinky shit, choking, biting, possessive Hidan, hair pulling, dom Hidan, subby reader, top Hidan, bottom reader, smashing, rough sex, hints of fluff

Word Count: 1,036

Notes: by far the most entertaining request I've gotten. And sorry if this isn't quite right, I'm cis so I don't know a whole lot. happy pride

Hidan had been gone for an awful long time on Akatsuki duty, a whole 3 months to be exact, far too long from his home, and more importantly far too long from his adorable little boyfriend. Though he's been gone even longer, this trip felt particularly difficult because he missed your final bottom surgery, and he secretly felt terrible.

Right when he walks into the house, he sees you and his gruff demeanor quickly brightens up, but just as quickly drops since he has to keep up a certain image and fawning over his boyfriend didn't particularly fit that.

The moment you see him your face beams, so you run and jump into his arms, which thankfully he's quick enough to catch you.

"I've missed you so much honey." You stated with a massive smile on your face. Hidan does his cool guy thing and simply gives you a slight smirk.

"God, you're acting so clingy, so fucking annoying." He said coldly. "How'd the surgery go?" He asked, clearly his compassion for you getting the better of him.

"Pretty well, it felt weird at first, guess you're lucky you didn't have to be there for the worst parts." You answered, still brightly smiling at him.

He looked down at you with an apologetic look for a moment, "Sorry I wasn't, I'll try better to stay with you." He said, his cool guy persona practically destroyed at this point, but you had to open your fucking mouth.

"Aw, you care about meeee." You cheekily exclaimed, causing his light smirk to darken into a glare.

"I care about you fucking ass, speaking of which..." He replied before tightly gripping your ass.

You yelp gayly at his tight grip before your bright smirk returns to your face, though in your eyes now there's a burning hint of lust. "Fuck yeah!" You cheered brightly before Hidan pulled your hair, pulling your head to the side and exposing your neck, which he dived into the crook of your neck, attaching his canines to the spot.

He starts aggressively nipping at your neck, you would call them love bites but with the way he does it, they're hate bites, but you still continue to moan lightly. He continues this assault on your neck before going to sucking.

He sucks at a certain part of your neck, leaving a dark purple mark in his wake, causing your moans to get even louder. He multiplies into several deep purple marks until your neck is a mess of purple and red marks scattered throughout.

Hidan continues his sucking even through carrying you to your guys' shared bed, only stopping after finally laying you down. He then crashes his lips into yours, creating a kiss made of only teeth and tongue.

His kiss is powerful as his tongue completely dominates your own, causing you to moan deeply into the kiss. He then tries out your brand of penis, cupping the clothed member in his hand, causing your sounds to become even more frequent in the passionate kiss.

He takes your pants off and starts jerking you off, pumping his hand along your now hard cock.

"How is it? Now I have a new way to make you act like a fucking slut." He stated, both tightening and quickening his grip on your cock, causing you to moan at an ear shattering noise as you burst into his hand.

He licks up the cum on his hand, licking up as much as he can before stripping the rest of your clothes off you, and then soon after his own.

Hidan then flips you over so that you're on all fours and winds his hand up, causing it to quickly come crashing down on your ass in a powerful spank. You shriek in a mix of pain and pleasure, loving that you have your boyfriend back and he hasn't changed at all.

He roughly pulls your hair back to gently kiss you on the cheek, the duality of men. "I missed you." He said lightly. What a kind and uncharacteristic thing to say, he fixes this by plunging his cock into your already lubricated hole.

You already prepared before he came home. Hidan is a lot of things and one of them is consistent. He doesn't give your preparation a single thought as he thrusts his hips roughly into you, pounding the shape of his cock back into you.

"Sorry bitch, I just figured that you've probably gotten too tight, I had to re-loosen you up." He said, and loosen you up he does.

He thrusts his cock wildly and almost painfully into you, causing your moans to only crescendo and fill the room, along with the sound of skin quickly slapping into each other.

He wraps his hand back around your hard member, only quickening, because of course he still can, his pace into you. Hidan matches the pace of his hips with that of his hand, making you putty into his hands, literally, since he causes you to once again burst in his hand.

He quickened his pace as he reached his upcoming orgasm, filling your insides with his warm seed. He slows down his hips, gently rubbing your sides that have been bruised by the same hands, but he is far from done.

He goes right back to fucking you, his big cock rearranging your insides. His hands pull you hair back so painfully that tears develop in your eyes, a mix of the pain and amazing pleasure you were feeling, evident from how you have your now third orgasm of the night, eliciting the loudest moan yet, which is saying a lot.

He quickly flips you over and traps you into a deep and powerful kiss, one that is strangely warm and loving from him, before he once again cums in your abused hole.

He keeps his cock in your ass, still very far from being done, but he wants to stay like this with you for a few moments, holding you tight in his arms as he rests his head on your chest.

He gently traces the scars there, happy to have this moment with you. "Hope you're ready for round 3 bitch."

THE END

[gaz-light]

Mile 760

This week hasn't felt real.

Lots of fucking fun tho. My first pride was amazing and despite last week's pains this week was another good gym time. I feel like I'm getting stronger again. I reallu really wanna get into rock climbing but ive been getting into so much. Shows are fun. I made so many new good friends. Shoutout to May. Shoutout to this fucking literal actual real life clown girl I'm going to watch The Lighthouse (2019) and suck the dick of. I've had much of my mind (and wallet) on today. Jackie's birthday and fuckin Dummy and her partner will be there. Doing my best to remain indifferent. For the most part I am. Im tired. If she's only ever gonna disappoint me then fine. You won't change. Just stay gone.

MOVING ON! Got my blind mask in from months ago and holy shit it's hot y'all are gonna see fucked pics of me actually nvm fuck it here you go now

It's sick and I'm trying to see god through it

Work has been good too. I am trying to step up as the resident fag as the Equality Driving Excellence comittee and I think itll be fun to try and study corporate fag behavior especially in an older demographic. Also gay events with a corpo budget behind my plans WILL be deadly (I hope)

ThIS WEEKS SHOWS WERE SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSO GOOD

I have a crush on the mandolin player from Driftwood Soldier I was buying a CD from him in the corner of this dingy printshop the show was it. He's in his mid 30s, buff, faggy, and has a voice like the devil or a Kentucky Gambler. I almost freudian slipped into called him daddy.

At another show I got the number of the guitaridt and bassist for 1 band, the vocalist for another, wrestled with trannies in the pit (lne had practically moaned in my ear after I threw them) and a broken drumstick hit me and the band signed it for me. Shouthout Throw (and Liam) and big rep to TFAG and KO Queen. One of the members of KO queen punched me. I have painful crushed on all 3 of the girls. Threw another one of em. Saw the tits of the other she had em out all fucking set.

THE PITS WERE VIOLENT as god intended. I got bloody at almost every show this week. I'm gonna get coke and ket from people i met there. Eeeeeee yay

I'm happy? I guess

Annihilation has been amazing and ive been DIGGING through it holy shit.

More to come.

Has the storm broken, sailor?

Hey I had a dumb idea since I'm dramatic and gay

One of my most beloved and personally resonant bands that I listen to is Modern Baseball. In the song "Note to self" off of the Album? EP? Holy Ghost the line:

"Where I wanna be still seems a thousand miles away but pretending we feel safe right here gets harder everyday"

Serves as poignant metaphor for the disheartening internal struggle of trying to survive day to day while working on your happiness or your goals seems always almost hyperbolicaly out of reach.

To this I wonder, is it so hyperbolic? Over the course of a week I do abooout 40 miles worth of cardio exercise between biking and running and so it should take about 25 weeks to make it 1000 miles. I've been working on making my life a healthier and happier one these efforts are both physical and emotional. Emotional especially since there has been SO much shit since October. I'm curious to see, if I document it, just how much I change by 1000 miles. I fear they may be farther away than that, but maybe, just maybe, they only seem 1000 miles away.

Well periodically you'll be hearing about it. Maybe weekly.

[coccyodynia]

things:

i cried so much last night that my eyes were so swollen this morning that they wouldn't open all the way and i was convinced i had pink eye, so i went to the dr and they said no they're just irritated and swollen that's it

i had a follow up appointment with my spine care team this morning and they said they didn't see any obvious reason for the pain i'm having so they're scheduling me a Ct scan to see the hardware from the fusion better bc it's possible the screws are loosening lol

in the meantime they did notice i have a bulging disc above the fusion which might contribute to some of the issues i've been having

they also saw signs of "wear and tear" which i dont like the sound of

so i have to do physical therapy and have another steroid injection or whatever and i'm not happy about either of those things

they did offer to give me a muscle relaxer prescription which i think will help

anyway

i had my annual review at work today and i got a small raise which is cool i guess bc i thought the owners hated me now but w/e

in one month i will be lakeside making s'mores and that might be the only reason i haven't offed myself yet

still not entirely sure what the fuck is going on with justin bc he got pretty overwhelmed when i asked him for clarity and he sort of shut down so for now i'm just taking it a day at a time, idc what ends up happening i just want him in my life somehow either way

ive been working really hard on my mental health stuff, my therapist has even said she can tell i'm taking it more seriously and putting in more effort than usual

im just so tired of feeling bad, and it turns out that sometimes journaling or making crafts (instead of getting drunk and fucked up) is actually fun

still having a hard time feeling really connected to people i love especially when i feel very much 'in distress'

not sure if that's just me or if it's an actual issue

i've taken my meds pretty gosh darn consistently for over a month now tho!!!! that might be the first time in my adult life i can say that

just really making a conscious effort to surround myself with as much of the things and people i love and it's helping

i haven't seen justin since pride and that sort of makes me sad but i'll see him soon probably

ok that's it guess bye

[dailydreamdoodles]

So. i don't have a twt account, but occasionally i'll check on it to see if anything interesting happened and all i have to say is-- i'm not even surprised at this point, Dream"WE CAN HAVE SEX NOW"Was"ASS OR BOOBS, GEORGE"Taken.

[your-ace-cousin-clover]

For @spnprideweek for asexual Cas with flowers.

Inspired by the awesome @floral-cas​

When are you loved? When do you become a God?

Do you become one when he becomes all-powerful, when you get others to kneel in front of you, when you can help everyone?

But, then why doesn't he love you? He doesn't kneel in submission when you spread your arms and proclaim yourself as God. He bares his teeth and asks you to give. You become powerful, you help the world, while monsters rage inside you, muddying the purity of an angel. Yet, he does not love you. You cannot have him. You cannot help him. He doesn’t want you to.

And that is what you carry within you as the years go by.

He doesn’t need you. He doesn’t want you. He doesn’t love.

Maybe, he can only want you in service.

You become weaker and weaker. Only useless for him.

You wonder when he will ask you to leave.

And then he does.

You grace wanes like the light of moon.

And then one day, you leave of your own volition. And he doesn’t call you back.

Yet, you keep coming back.

Until, one day, that you can’t.

You tell him. You tell him because it’s the last time. You tell him that he’s the thing that you want that you can’t have. His eyes flicker with surprise and shock. And it is then you realise, too late. Oh.. you think… oh. But, the darkness descends like a debt collector. Your happiest moment is your saddest moment. You die, in a moment of service to him.

Over and over like one of his worn tapes, the darkness traps him in his guilt. There is no escape. You don’t believe that there is one.

But, miracles happen through the spark of his soul. The dark seas part at the altar of his being. You are bruised. You think he is a mirage just like the others. But the very touch of him corrupts. He is pure. He is alive. Wordless, he brandishes a knife and cuts heaven out of you. The light is sucked in and you fall, free.

When you wake up, he kneels in front of you. You cannot help him anymore, you are human. Tears threat your reunion. Yet, he smoothens his hands across your face. He pulls you close. He says, holy, holy, holy like a prayer through his kisses.

He asks you to stay, forever.

He makes you his own God.

You are loved.

Flowers & Symbolism :

 Asters - Love & Faith 

Gardenias - Trust & Hope ; Self-reflection; Also is frequently added in wedding bouquets. 

Lamb’s ear is just grey (lol)

Blackberry Petunia - The weird purple flower 

Molly Sanderson Viola - Black 

Agapanthus Silver Baby - Silver on his shoulder 

[tiedshoelace]

Happy pride month I’m transgender

[charlotteswriting]

i literally requested so many blogs for this im starting to feel bad 😭 so can i have some clingy shuichi hcs pls

No no, I LOVE Shuichi, I am willing to write for him no matter what!!!!!!!! Guess who finally decided to come back and write, your local Shuichi simp 😣☝️ Let's goooo. ALSO, HAPPY PRIDE MONTH. i am looking directly at my girlfriend. *mwahs them*

At first, Shuichi is a bit distant with you since he respects your boundaries

He wants to take things slow, after all

And once you guys are comfortable enough around each other, there's no turning back. This man right here is touch-starved

Whenever he feels vulnerable in public, his hand will slowly brush against yours while his eyes are asking for help

In fact he just wants to be alone with you, he can't show affection in public

Even though Shuichi is socially awkward, that doesn't stop him from clinging you like a cat in private!

Shuichi wants to be close to you as much as he can, so expect him to be hugging you from behind while resting his head on your back when you don't give him attention.

He usually works in the same room you stay since he can focus only when you are around

But even then, he wants to finish his work quickly so he can go back to you and get his daily dose of serotonin

Sometimes you leave the room to give him some space and he's immediately looking after you. Come back please :cry:

Whenever he's too tired from his detective work, he just wants to be in your arms while you comfort him

Shuichi likes to cuddle! I think he would be hugging your pillow instead if you weren't in bed /// bonus points if you own a plushie because he'd be hugging it instead since it smells like you /////

You just went to grab some snacks only to see him betraying you like this.

"Oh, you're back... Sorry, I was just missing you."

Cuddle him. Right now.

This touch-starved man wants to be held by you tightly. He also wants you to play with his hair and whisper nice things to him

This clingy boy is bad at initiating physical touch since he overthinks if it's okay, so remember to be the one to show affection!! Once you do, he'll return it. He feels very loved and appreciates even the littlest things you do.

[trixxiephantomhive]

Tell me about “A hungover heart: a tale of three dumbasses”. It’s a stunner of a name, a real 10/10

Thank you! I pride myself on fun names,

This is a multi chapter fic im working on that has two or three chapters already posted on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/38651181/chapters/96626991)

It’s mostly Luka being tired and not okay, and here’s a sneak peek into the next chapter

WARNING There’s a lot of harsh Language to show the reality of life

Chapter 4 wtf am I doing

“Luka where have you been?!” My sister practically growls at me, Maxx looks worried and Dingo also seems pissed. I check my calendar. It’s not been a week.. It’s been almost a month avoiding everyone. I panic a small bit as I look at the date. Oh.. OH.. OH FUCK. It’s my birthday. I can feel my eyes going wide as I stumble away from the group.

“You okay Lu? Happy birthday!” Maxx smiles, I forget he doesn’t know why I hate my birthday. My sister and I may be a few years apart but our birthdays are a day away from each other. Meaning her’s is tomorrow, also means that we tend to celebrate our birthdays at the same time. Meaning I have to see Juleka's friends. Meaning Marinette will be there. I glare at her. “I know what you’re going to say, And No. I’m not coming out with you.”

Dingo groans and gets in my face “Lulu, you’ve dodged us for weeks. You’re coming out with us.”

I try to push them away, I walk into the kitchen and I try to block them out. I don’t want to deal with this. Life is simple when you’re alone. I sit on the floor and close my eyes, I know I’m acting like a child, but I can’t help but hope they’ll just leave.

I hear footsteps and look at whoever is kneeling in front of me. It’s Maxx. “Hey, Lu.. I don’t know why you’re always very, anti-birthday, but.. At least come out of the house for a bit? We can go get some drinks, go to a karaoke night, listen to people trying to sing? Juleka said she’ll leave you alone and go off with her friends anyway.” He smiles at me, and I smile back. Maxx is kind, and knows what I want to hear sometimes. I nod and stand with him. I grab my earbuds and Guitar. Then we walk to the door, Juleka messes with my hair and tries to clean it up a little bit. The four of us leave my apartment and get into the car, I call shotgun as Maxx drives us.

A bit later we get to the bar and walk in, I look at my sister, wondering if she’s even aloud in here. But I guess tomorrow makes her 19, which means.. I’m 21? What the fucking hell-

We go inside and get some drinks, I order some fruity thing with chartreuse in it, Maxx and My sister get shirley temples and I’m not letting Maxx live it down. Dingo just gets a beer and I crinkle my nose, never being able to drink something so ..piss like.

We also grab some fries and wings. Juleka says Rose is on her way along with some other friends, Even Zoe is coming, Might be cool.

Zoe and I dated for a good two and a half years, and then it just- fizzled out. Two empaths dating is- good because we never fought, but also tended to know too much about the other. We’re still alright friends, so It’ll be nice to say hi

The night goes on, we’re having some fun. I may accidently make a pass on Zoe but she laughs it off and it starts a bunch of fiery jokes.

[misora-msby]

night drive

rating : mature

word count : 1.9k

themes : fluff, fwb, mutual pining, implied sex, drug use (alcohol and marijuana)

notes : originally from my ao3, thought i might post it here as well :) // you can kinda imagine this is an au where atsumu’s not doing volleyball in college because this dude would definitely take care of his body better than this as an athlete lmfao

miya 🤢 : “im driving over rn. be ready in 10?”

You grimaced slightly. Atsumu always did this; he’d text late at night, insisting to meet up without giving you much of a choice.

“bitch it’s so late and i literally just finished my assignment gimme a break”

Your reply was read and within a few seconds you received a reply;

miya 🤢 : “Sorry! I’m driving right now and will reply later.”

An annoyed groan escaped you at the use of the automatic reply function. You knew he definitely read the message. It was just like Tsumu to do this.

Throwing on a light cardigan and applying a bit of lip gloss, you grabbed your phone and a little tin box you always brought along on your drives with Atsumu. After stuffing them into the pockets of your sweatpants, you double checked your appearance in the full length mirror by the door. A spray of perfume was used and you slipped on a comfy pair of sneakers before exiting the flat to wait at the entrance of the building.

As promised, Atsumu arrived and you got into the passenger seat of the car. It was a little messy and you had to dust off some crumbs on the seat but it smelt just of him and the cologne he loved to use.

“You gotta stop doing this. Especially the impromptu texting.” you muttered, leaning back in the seat as he began driving.

“But ya always agree to it anyways. And as promised, I never do it on a Tuesday, Friday, or Sunday night, just like ya asked.” he hummed while giving the smirk you hated but loved. And as much as you hated to agree, he was right.

Six months ago, you two had been set up on a blind date with each other by some friends. Miya Atsumu, known as a notorious flirt all his life, and you, a regular student just looking for a change in life. The date itself didn’t go too well but the sex that followed was incredible and so you two had continued with this agreement for the past half year.

And here you were now; on a drive to someplace out of town, a packet of cigarettes to share in the cupholder while the little tin in your pocket contained something a little stronger to smoke. And not to forget the cooler in the backseat which most likely contained at least two bottles of beer.

“Fine… you’re right.” you sighed, crossing your arms as you kept your eyes on the road to try and guess where you two were driving.

“Hey, doll. Light me a cig, would ya?” Atsumu asked. As always, you pulled out the stick of tobacco from the packet and lit it before passing it to him. He took a long draw on it before rolling down the window to breathe it out.

“I don’t get how you’re still so fuckin’ handsome after all the ciggies and drinks you take.” you muttered while taking the cigarette from his hand to have your own draw of it.

“Same goes to you, doll.”

“... T-Thanks.” you muttered while reaching back to grab a beer from his cooler.

Neither of you saw it but there may have been the slightest flush on both of your cheeks.

After that, the drive was silent for half an hour, save for the soft R&B that played and the occasional humming from Atsumu. It was always like this, and somehow the two of you had grown to like it. As much as you complained over and over about it, you enjoyed it. Enjoyed the thrill, the sex, the debauchery, and strangely, the company.

“This place looks good.” his smooth voice hummed while turning into a forest. It was dark and a little scary with how cramped it felt with the towering trees, but your pride refused to let him know that. Plus, you knew you wouldn’t be thinking about it for much longer. He parked his car in a decent spot and unfastened his seatbelt before turning to face you who was just a little drowsy from the beer you had. “There’s a real pretty place I wanna go in there. But first…” Atsumu’s eyes looked darker than ever as he placed a hand on your thigh.

No words had to be said before lips were locked and soft moans were pulled from your lips. It only took a few more seconds before you were both scrambling into the backseat, with him pushing you down onto your back as he grinded his strong hips into your more delicate self. The kiss ensued, though at this point it was hard to call it a kiss as it seemed more like a battle between lips. He groaned softly as he felt your fingers entangle themselves in his blond locks.

The two of you pulled away for a second to gaze into each other’s eyes, dark with lust and passion.

“You taste like beer,” he chuckled while wiping off a little bit of saliva from the corner of your lips with his thumb. His touch was strangely soft, contrasting the way he had kissed you just seconds before.

“Yeah? You taste like nicotine.” you replied with a slight grin on your face. He replicated that smile, a rare sight from him, before resuming your kiss.

* ･ ゜ﾟ ･ * : . ｡ . . ｡ . : * • * : . ｡ . . ｡ . : * ･ ゜ﾟ ･ *

“Think you can walk over to that place I was talkin’ ‘bout?” Atsumu asked while pulling his sweatpants back up.

“Hmm… I don’t know, you were pretty rough tonight. You might have to carry me,” you laughed while putting your own clothes back on.

The man rolled his eyes, though there was the slightest hint of endearing in them as he took the blunt you had half finished smoking earlier and lit it himself, leaning back in the seat a bit. 

As he did so, he glanced over at you - hair messy and strands stuck to your brow from the sweat, your clothes were in a disarray, and marks he had left on your skin covered your neck and collarbones. It gave him a weird feeling to look upon you, like a sort of strange pride. Whether it was because he had given you that messy look, or because he was just proud of you in general, he didn’t know.

“No way, I’m tired too,” Atsumu scoffed and redirected his gaze out of the open window for a second before looking at you. His eyes softened slightly at the pout on your lips before he sighed, “Fine, I’ll do it. Help carry the drinks.”

He opened the door and carefully carried you out in a princess carry before kicking the door shut and beginning to walk. His steps were a little uneven and shaky as he was just slightly intoxicated.

As he carried you, you looked up at him, eyes tracing his sharp jawline and his blond hair. There were bags under his eyes and the scent of sex and everything you two were consuming today mixed into the cologne he wore with his natural scent. Somehow, it was still attractive.

“You’re hot.” The words left you in a whisper without you even realising it. Atsumu looked down and nearly stopped walking for a moment before laughing as he continued to walk.

“You’ve got the weirdest fuckin’ timing. But yeah, I know that.” he replied before setting you down a little later.

“Where are we?” you raised a brow at him, still holding onto his arm.

“Just take a look, would ya?”

Tearing away your gaze from his handsome self to look at the sight before you, you gasped softly.

You stood near the edge of a cliff, just beyond the fence-like barrier, there were paddy fields and the occasional farmhouse providing a small source of light. It was a pretty normal sight, but upon closer inspection, you could see the reflection of the night’s stars in the water of the fields. The twinkling stars shone in pitch blackness, undeterred by the city lights you were used to. The moon looked brighter than ever too. A cool wind blew past your face, refreshing it after the stuffy feeling of having sex in Atsumu’s backseat, carrying the faint scent of spring on it.

“You know, I think being here would feel so much better if I didn’t have your cum in me.”

“Shut the fuck up and enjoy it. You asked for it anyways.”

Atsumu flicked your forehead lightly before pulling you closer to the edge and sitting down on a log, looking out over the fields and up at the sparkling sky.

“Happy 6 months.”

“Tsumu, I don’t think anyone celebrates a fuckbuddy anniversary.”

“Eh, whatever. Fuck and drink buddy.”

“...well uh, happy anniversary!”

“Happy anniversary, doll.”

The two of you looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, slightly dazed expressions on your faces before breaking out into giggles.

“Oh! Right!” you passed him a bottle of beer and opened your own with a spare coin in your pocket. “Cheers!” you clinked your bottle against his before drinking about a third of it.

“Cheers.” Atsumu replied and took his own large gulp of the drink.

You leaned against him the moment he moved the bottle away from his lips. His muscular arm, strengthened by years of playing volleyball made him rather comfortable to lean against. You hummed an unfamiliar tune before sighing in content.

Atsumu looked down at you resting against him. He could get used to this. He realised that lately he had been opting to stay the night after the fun you had together. Whether the time contained pillowtalk or it was just falling asleep in silence, he enjoyed it. Atsumu enjoyed being around you.

You enjoyed it too. People often claimed the blond was an ass but you knew better. There were nights when after you two had sex, the worries of the day or week would catch up to you and you’d end up crying to him. It was awkward at first but he slowly got used to it and eventually would comfort you with food he ordered or a few words of encouragement. (“Yeah it’s that bitch’s fault, go fuck her up.” was probably the most commonly said thing). As the nights passed, you found yourself wanting to spend more and more time with him.

“Hey… the sun’s coming up.” Atsumu said, making you finally look up from your silence. You hadn’t even realised you had fallen asleep on him for a bit. 

As you narrowed your eyes and looked over the fields and fields of crops, you noticed he was right. The first rays of sunlight could be seen peeking over the landscape, bringing light to the sky.

“Woah… it’s pretty.” you whispered in awe.

Atsumu looked over and studied your features for a few seconds. The way your eyes sparkled and was lit by the early morning sunshine, the way your hair bounced just a little as the wind blew, and the way your feet tapped quietly on the dirt in tired excitement. He didn’t want to admit it but he realised he might’ve been falling for you for a while now.

“Thanks for bringing me here. I love it.” you grinned up at him. At the man who you hadn’t realised you had fallen for weeks ago.

“Yeah,” he replied, and in a voice just barely audible to the two of you, he whispered, “and I love you.”

This moment seemed like a perfect time to properly ask you to be his, but he figured he would just let you two enjoy it in silence for a little longer.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s Daughter (The Intense Years)

Tony Stark x daughter!reader

warnings:

a/n: y/n is 16-17, also ive really never written anything about team iron man so this was weird, someone needs to tell me i dont need every single movie detail in here

prompt: takes place from cacw and smhc

The Early Years (1) The Teenage Years (2) The Aftermath (4) Continued (5)

after the events in sokovia, you set up the relief fund for displaced sokovians and dealt with physical clean up while the avengers...

well, they had to deal with the press—and the governments of the world

getting to know your new suit AI, JOSHUA

briefly looking for bruce; no luck there

you ended up doing the MIT september foundation presentation with tony

and ending the presentation after pepper’s name popped up on the screen

“it’s probably best we get out of here”

you were his entire support system while he was going through his break with pepper

meeting charles spencer’s mother, who really gave your dad a piece of her mind

“my son died, but your daughter gets to live on. if you lost her, maybe you’d show some sympathy for murdering my child”

*awkward silence from you*

*awkward silence from tony otw to the compound*

HATING the sound of the sokovia accords, yet understanding why they’re being ratified

being torn between signing them or not and having a huge argument with the other avengers

“y/n, why dont you listen to your dad for once and sign the damn thing”

“uncle rhodey, you know why i dont want to sign. if they have us, they have access to our suits. you really think the UN should be telling us how to use them?”

“your defense doesn’t even make sense. i had the war machine or iron patriot or whatever the hell you want to call it, but the military was calling the shots”

“and look where you are now”

“right, well i wouldn’t expect a kid to understand”

“are you kidding me, rhodes? you’re gonna play the ‘im older than you’ card?”

comforting wanda while she feared being taken

and as soon as you heard about what happened in lagos

“think about it, maximoff. if you didnt do what you did, do you know how many more casualties there may have been?”

“but i killed innocents”

“no, rumlow killed innocents. you contained that blast better than anyone else could have and you prevented a whole bunch of deaths, give yourself some credit”

okay, so you weren’t the best at talking someone down while they were upset

staying in berlin with your father while the whole bucky thing began to get sorted out

but he sent you out to stay with nat while he had some “private time” with steve

tony keeping you close to him during the power outage at the base

until it turned out you brought your suit and tony did not!

everyone was looking at you to take down bucky, but it just seemed like a bad idea, you didn’t want to hurt him because you didn’t want to hurt steve

stalling to try and buy steve time to subdue his friend

“y/n, come on, for christ sake!”

“got it, dad! i know what im doing!”

“i dont think you do!”

feeling your stomach drop when bucky shot into your dad’s hand, if it wasn’t for his latest invention, he may have gotten seriously hurt

you had a slight change of heart after that, you couldn’t bare to lose your dad. not after all those close calls...

getting yelled at by secretary ross and the wonderful 36 hour ultimatum you, nat, and tony received

“i have a plan”

“don’t say the spider boy”

“fine, i wont say it”

a nice trip to queens :)

when this parker kid finally got home, tony left you to socialize with his aunt

small talk is sometimes unbearable

“so, what’s it like being tony stark’s daughter?”

“honestly? im always tired”

peter becoming a tagalong on your mission, which you didn’t really think was appropriate

“dad, i dont really think we should’ve brought the kid...”

“why? you’re about the same age as him, its not much different”

“um...no, i meant this isnt his battle. i don’t care how old he is”

face off between tony and cap where you literally just swallowed all your pride and apologized because you couldn’t handle the fact that the team was being ripped apart like this

team ups with Spider-Man

“so, uh, do you hate me or something?”

“hey, kid? we’re kind of in the middle of something, i’ll get back to you on that”

“it’s a yes or no question, y/n”

“pass”

so, things didn’t exactly go as planned...

your (former) teammates were taken to the RAFT and you couldn’t pull it together in front of them

they were pretty pissed at you

“im sorry, im so sorry, i should’ve done better”

they ignored you (up until scott lang)

“all you stark’s are the same”

“stay out of this, bugboy”

taking to the remote hydra base in another famous father/daughter teamup

“just like the old days, right kiddo?”

“i guess so”

“hey, cheer up, it’s not all that bad”

waltzing right in there to meet your friend and foe

seeing the video of your grandparents dying

*being killed

absolutely stunned by seeing such a gruesome thing

even after all you’ve seen, this really got to you

you were robbed of ever meeting them, which made you angry, but you couldn’t stay angry because there were so many things out of everyones control

realizing that this was a good time to hold tony back

“JOSHUA, lock down y/n’s suit. protocol: baby gate”

apparently your dad still had some old protocols in your suit that you hadn’t found yet

“JOSHUA? reboot! override protocol: baby gate”

“i’m sorry, miss y/n, but i cannot do that”

watching your father attempt to get revenge

and get critically injured

simultaneously working on opening the suit back up for a bad plan

finally getting the emergency release and stumbling out of your suit, rushing towards the conflict and throwing yourself in the middle of it

“please, dad. enough damage has been done.”

“y/n, get out of the way”

he saw you shaking and crying and he realized what he was doing

attacking the only family you guys really had

getting shoved out of the way so that they could end this fight once and for all

JOSHUA finally rebooting and bringing the suit over to shield you while you helplessly watched the end of this fight

when bucky and steve left, your suit disarmed and you crouched down beside your father

“come on, let’s just go home”

“im sorry”

“i know, it’s okay”

trying to comfort your dad after his defeat

you picked up cap’s shield and returned to your suit, it was time to go home

after a brief time of recovery (while you helped work on uncle rhodey’s prototype prosthetics), there was a slight change of plans for you

“okay, so for your punishment after what you pulled during my...divorce with cap, you’re going to babysit the spiderling so you gain some perspective”

“hold on, what?! what do you mean ‘perspective?’”

“i mean you dont know what it’s like to be in charge of the life of a teenager, so now you get to find out! congratulations on your promotion!”

it was not fun at all because peter kept blowing up your phone and you kept having to tell him there was nothing for him to do

Y/N: I’ll let you know when there’s a spider-level threat, kapeesh?

P. Parker: Yes, ma’am, sorry.

peter going behind your back to do some “superhero work”

and you having to swoop in to fix everything last second

“come on, you stole my thunder, y/n!”

“no, peter, i saved your life. next time you have a lead, call me first”

and then he didn’t 😌✨💕

“Y/N, incoming call from ‘big fat meanie’”

“put him through, JOSHIE...hey dad, how’s dubai?”

“taking care of a kid is harder than it looks, isn’t it?”

“don’t start with me”

damage control ahahah 🤡

“peter, why cant you just call me in? you don’t stop texting me for months but for this you go radio silent? you almost died. and you put a bunch of lives in danger! do you want me to have to go to your aunt and tell her you died?”

“im sorry! i just...i dont want to be a sidekick”

“kid, you’re gonna have a long time to make a name for yourself...but not if you’re dead!”

he started crying and you were very uncomfortable so you tried to hug him? it helped.

letting him off easy (just like your dad did to you growing up)

but apparently tony came back and took the suit anyways and you were pretty pissed about it

avengers moving day :) yes, part of your punishment was helping happy with moving day and hearing him gush about how you were “growing into such a responsible adult”

“happy i dont know if you noticed but ive basically been an adult since i was 12”

“keep telling yourself that, kiddo”

seeing an explosion and immediately knowing it was peter

“i’ll see you later, happy, love you!”

investigating the crash site and whaddaya know, there’s peter and his first bad guy, you were kind of proud

“peter, you okay?”

“nope!”

“okay, cool”

more damage control lmao (a/n: yall sick of damage control yet?)

a congratulatory call from your dad

“hey! you did pretty good, all things considered. why don’t you take the kid to the avengers compound for his special surprise?”

“aye aye, see you soon.”

“love you, kiddo”

“you too, dad”

quick fast forward to peter rejecting the position as an avenger while the press was outside, yes, you were surprised

but then your dad finally proposed to pepper, it was a pretty cool engagement announcement

“y/n, will you be my maid of honor?”

“duh!”

happily ever after (a/n: until the next part is up)

[ablackfangirlwrites]

New neighbor

Part 1 2 3

Im really loving this series and where its going 😁

"Hey there cutie," hawks said to you as he saw you walk out your apartment

You sighed shaking your head "I thought I asked you not to call me that."

Keigo laughed, "Im just stating the obvious."

"Then don't." You told him sticking your tounge out at him and walking off

"See ya later babe!" He called out again with a laugh

You turned around flipping him off before turning away

But keigo cought the small smile you had in your face as you did

Its been about two mouths since you moved onto your place

And about one month since you rejected him

But since then the two of stayed friendly

A little too friendly for your tastes

Keigo was a huge flirt

And was determined to get you to change your mind

It was clear you liked him or at least found him charming

But you had this no dating hero rule that got in his way

You wouldnt even tell him why you had the rule

But he had a new plan to get you to change your mind about him

That night the two of you would find yourselves in a familiar situation

You were struggling to get in your apartment with your groceries

And Keigo just so happened to be coming home

"This feels familiar." He said as he picked up some of your bags

You smiled, "Hey thanks....and kinda but this time I wont invite you to dinner."

When you got inside your place you sat your things down and turned to him

"Thanks birdy...you can leave now..."

Keigo pouted, "I was hoping for another heart to heart."

You gave him a smile, "sorry to disappoint."

"Whatcha got against us heros anyway?"

"Nothing you can fix." You said before pushing him out of your place, "good night Keigo."

Once out keigo leaned against your door

He wanted to be with you so bad

The next morning keigo would walk out the same time as you again

"Morning y/n." He said with a yawn

A little surprised you smiled at him, "Morning Keigo no pet names today?"

You asked as you locked your door

He shook his head, "Im a lady respecting man you asked me to stop so ill stop."

You raised your eyebrow, "suuure"

"You have a lovely day y/n." He said walking off

You stared at him suspiciously but in the end you figured it was him just being a weirdo as usual

Unbeknownst to you right after you locked your door instead of putting your keys in your purse like you thought you did

Keigo used one of his feathers to take them

The rest of your day went uneventful as usual

All up until you went back home

You looked everywhere

You knew you put them in your purse, you were sure of it

But your keys just werent there

Annoyed you called your friend asking them if they could come over and bring the spare set

But they said it was too late into the night and they were busy

Sighing you were really at a lost now

And you were so tired

It might have been an uneventful day but it was still a long

Feeling even more annoyed had to gather up your pride

You didnt even know if he was home

But you knocked on your neighbors door

After about two minutes

Keigo lazily opened his door, "y/n?"

"Hi," you said not making eye contact

"To what do I owe this random visit?" He asked knowing full well why you were there

"Im locked out my place....do you mind it I crash here for the night?...please." you asked him in a small voice

"You lost your keys?" He asked

"Tch, yes now are you gonna let me come in or not?" Asked him in a rush

You were feeling so embarrassing

You were a grown woman you shouldnt be still losing your keys

Keigo laughed and stepped aside, "Mi casa es su casa."

You sighed deeply thanking him as you walked in taking in the room

Everything was pretty modern in his place

"Ill get you some sheets to sleep in." Keigo said walking to the next room

You simply nodded looking around his place still

It was a nice place nothing special just simple

You half expect with a cocky attitude like his that hed have trophies and picture everywhere

But no not even a family portrait

Keigo returned with some covers for you laying them down on his couch

"Here ya go sorry I dont have much."

The sheet he gave you was just that a sheet

"Thanks..." was all you said

"Are you hungry?" Keigo asked, "im guessing you havent ate today."

You nodded, "I am actually."

"I might have some left over chicken nuggets."

You raised your eyebrow, "Do you have any...um..like real food?"

Keigo snorted, "Excuse me nuggets are the realest food out there."

You laughed now, "Yeah, if you're two."

Keigo acted like he was offended

"I guess i can find something to satisfy your shitty tastebuds."

Your rolled your eyes at him

In the end he ended up ordering a pizza

The two of you got into talking

And as usual you had to admit to yourself he qas very charming

And deep down you didnt think it was because he was a hero

Keigo was simply charismatic and funny

You had to keep reminding yourself not to fall for him

It would like 3 in the morning when you realized how late it had gotten

"Oh wow! I didnt mean to keep you up so long."

Keigo also hadnt actually realized the time either

He was honestly having a nice time

The best he had in a while

And the crazy part was all you guys did was talk

You didnt even talk about hero things

It was just silly stuff

He actually was having fun

He didnt want it to end but it was late now

So he stood up, "ill see ya in the morning."

You smiled, "Goodnight."

About an hour would pass since keigo went into his room

And you couldn't sleep

His place was way to cold and the sheets he gave your were papers thin

You tried to ignore it but nothing was working and the cold kept you awake

So swallowing your pride again you got up and knocked on his bedroom door

A moment passed and keigo opened his door shirtless

"Hmm?" He asked looking like he was just falling asleep

"Its really...like really cold can you turn up the heat?" You asked

You didnt want to be pushy but you couldnt sleep

"Im sorry y/n but my heatings down." He told you

"Seriously?"

He nodded, "yeah it sucks....wish i could help more but i did give you my spare sheets."

"How can you sleep in thia cold." You growned

"Trust me its not easy...but the feathers make it a bit easy."

"Lucky." You sighed unhappy to go back to the cold couch

"You can always bunk with me...not in a weird way of course." Keigo said

You raised your eyebrow at him, "bunk with you?"

"I mean it would be infinitely warmer. But it was just a random thought im not trying anything."

You sighed with a little laugh

You knew better tham to take him up on his offer but you were tired

"Alright but if you try anything ill kill you."

"I wouldnt dare." He smiled as he walked back into his room laying on his bed

You followed and got in his bed

Admit it was much warmer especially as you moved closer into his arms

All while keigo was secretly happy that his plan to get a closer to you worked

[nomintokki]

Shouldn’t Be | Lee Jeno

PAIRINGS: Lee Jeno x Girlfriend!reader 

GENRE: angst, just angst kslajsajdla

WORDCOUNT: 1.4k

Synopsis: You found out you were being played by your partner for a year and a half.

A/N: Inspired by the song Shouldn’t be by Luke Chiang. I wrote this 2am in the morning and I was craving some angst so pls bear with me. 

It was late at night the moon was fully up, you just got back from your favorite cafe finishing your reviewers since finals were coming up. As soon as you arrived home you dropped your stuff and dove right into your bed letting the sheets swallow you up. As you rest you remembered you haven't seen or heard anything from your boyfriend, Lee Jeno. You and Jeno have been together for a half and a year by now although the past months were rough the two of you made sure to make up. However since finals were around the corner it was rare for both of you to see each other, even through texting and calls since both of you were too occupied by your own works. Thinking about him made you fish out your phone from your bag. You opened your phone having unread messages from Jeno and your best friend. You opened Jeno's message first "y/n sorry for replying late. I'm tired I’ll call you when finals are over. I miss you 💕" You miss him too you really do you just wish the finals will be over soon. You miss his scent, the scent of his minty cologne mixed with the citrusy scent of his shampoo, you miss his deep voice, and most of all you miss seeing his eye smile, his eyes that turn into two crescent moon shape whenever he smiles. You texted him back "I miss you too Jeno. Good luck with your finals! I love you!".

After clicking send you checked on your best friend's message "y/n I really don’t think Jeno and Cassie are just friends. I saw them again they were at Baskin look" *pic attached*. As you read your best friend's message your heart sank but once you opened the picture your heart even shattered. You have been suspecting that Jeno was cheating on you with Cassie, a random girl from your uni,  however, you keep on denying at convincing yourself they were just friends. You turned your phone off, not having the energy to reply to your best friend, lying down on the bed you feel nothing, numb perhaps, a lot is going through your mind.  You didn't want to confront Jeno yet, you don't want this to affect your performance in school most especially that finals are nearing. It hurts After staring at the ceiling long enough to gain back the energy to move, you stood up dragging your feet to the bathroom hoping a shower would help you clear your thoughts. 

Sadly, the shower was of no help. While the water was rushing through you thoughts keep coming. You kept on asking yourself ‘where could have I gone wrong?’ ‘Am I not enough?’ ‘am I too toxic for him?’ ‘why does it have to come to the point wherein he would cheat’. Knowing the stubborn you, you kept rebutting the last question you keep on telling yourself that Jeno can’t do this, he wouldn’t cheat even though proof was already there. You stepped out of the shower got dressed to your PJs and dove back to your bed. You snuggled yourself in you didn’t realize tears were coming, soon enough you fell asleep tired from thinking and crying. 

You woke up to your alarm, trying to open your tired and puffy eyes you turned off that annoying sound. You noticed that you have a notification from Jeno, just great what a nice thing to start your day with, you sarcastically thought. You clicked on the notification reading “Hi y/n today is your first and last finals for the sem! I hope you are well rested! Good luck” You wanted to convince yourself that what he said was genuine. Again you are too stubborn to see that he was lying, again you convinced yourself that they were just hanging out in that picture. But you were too tired to reply, You just threw your phone to your bag and started to get ready for the long day ahead. 

Finally, all of your written finals are over, some of your finals were practical and physical and you have already submitted them also. While walking toward your locker with your best friend you finally see Jeno, he was leaning through the door frame of a random classroom. The whole week you haven’t seen him, his back was facing you and you were planning to surprise him, but it was you who was surprised. As of on cue Cassie walked out of the classroom Jeno as near she gave him a hug and Jeno offered to carry her bag. You froze at the scene you were witnessing your best friend also froze probably didn’t know how to handle the situation. While your feet were still stuck on the ground Jeno turned around and saw you. His eyes grew big and called your name softly. He tried to reach out for you but you were fast, you started running away from him. 

After running far enough for your energy to drain you end up in the university’s parking lot. You dropped down to the ground and started crying harder. You couldn’t believe you witnessed your boyfriend for a year and half cheat on you. You weren’t surprised because you already knew that there is a possibility that he was cheating on you but the pain you were feeling was gnawing. It was really painful for you to think that he wasn’t honest when he was saying he misses you, he was playing with you, he hurt your pride. You realized that he told you words he didn’t mean. 

Your best friend found you in the parking lot she comforted you by patting your back. She waited for you to calm down and offered to bring you home. As soon as you got home, you let yourself be drowned by your sofa. You didn’t have the energy to go to your room and fix yourself anymore. Your best friend got a blanket from your room and put it on top of you. She fixed and placed some tissue, water, and anything you might need before she left. A few minutes after she left you fell to sleep while crying. 

Knocks from your door woke you up, too tired and drained you didn’t bother answering it. But then you heard his voice call out for your name. Tears started to form from your eyes again, you were already tired from crying but as if your tear ducts were broken and can’t stop from producing tears. “y/n please open the door let me talk to you” you heard him call for your name again. After a few more knocks you heard a heavy sigh from the other side of the door. ‘I don’t know if your in here or not if your listening or not. It’s okay if you don’t open the door I don’t really deserve it. Im such an asshole for doing this to you.’ you wanted to open the door for him but you were too hurt to do so, you decided to just listen instead. ‘‘There are no acceptable excuses as to why I cheated on you. I don’t know what gotten into me and how I did that. I won’t try to defend myself and throw excuses anymore cuz the fact is that I still cheated on you. Even though me and Cassie were not a thing I still cheated on you I admit that I’m sorry. If you won’t accept my apology I respect and understand that. But I’m really sorry.  You alone is enough I swear its just that... I couldn’t resist the temptations around me and I am really sorry It is totally my fault. I guess this will be the end for us huh?’’ he chuckles but you heard his voice crack and this made you cry harder. “ I want to say I’m really thankful for you y/n. With you, I was able to experience different things and feel the happiness I have never felt before I met you. Having you beside me was probably the highlight of my life. I swear I would regret doing this to you. I probably can’t even forgive myself for doing this to you. I was too dumb to ruin what we have. I am sorry y/n I really am.”

Hearing him makes you want to open the door and forgive him already, you miss him so much you wanted to smell his scent again. But you just can’t. everything is just too painful for you to brush off. You want to keep him so bad, keeping him close to you shouldn’t be this hard. But you can’t it made you feel the lowest and you don’t think you can stand up yet and keep him near you again. 

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2576

i had therapy first thing this morning. it was nice to talk to christine and catch up.

it was also nice to not wake up in excruciating pain. i guess doing those massages worked really well for me. considering it's been hurting less and less, and i can actually shift my jaw and eat things now, it's going pretty well. i'm excited. and, as i write this at 2am, i have almost all of my hearing back. hell yeah. it's still a little tender to the touch, and my jaw is still a little sore and tough to open, but it's way better than it was.

today i helped my mom with her service project. it's not technically her service project, but she was in charge of organizing it and stuff, but she wasn't able to be there in person as people made them. which yielded results that were frustrating and pathetic at best. i'm fixing them. but the issue is they need to be hand stitched, and apparently the women in the peterborough ward don't know how to sew?? isn't that, like, a basic mormon woman skill??? in the merrimack ward it was. ask anyone and they could tell you how to fix something. shit dude, fuckin. backwoods bullshit.

anyway, the end results are honestly sad. 100% frustrating. 100% makes me mad. like?? they're so poorly constructed?? how do you take pride in shitty work???? do you know what a job well done actually is?????

anyway.

i got my mothman dice in the mail!!! they're PERFECT!!!!

i love them so much.

i also finally opened the box of giveaway stuff i was sent by @arrow-guy who (1) is an angel and (2) did a giveaway, the only part of which i could remember was the blind date with a book. and i gotta tell you, i was SO excited to be recommended a book by a friend. i've done the "blind date with a book" before, and it ended up being the first book in the tales from earthsea series by ursula k leguin, which was fuckin awesome. this one that erin sent had the words "post-apocalyptic" and "space colonies" in the description, and i was like "THAT ONE I WANT THAT ONE." and i said i'd open it as a reward after finishing my paper, and i'm all done with my paper, so i saw it today and remembered i hadn't opened it. so i grabbed it and i opened it and oh my GOD was it spectacular. SO MUCH STUFF. HOLY SHIT.

OBSERVE.

SO MUCH GOOD STUFF IM SO EXCITED

and salvation day is a THRILLER and i'm SO EXCITED TO READ IT. i'll probably spend the rest of the week reading. i'm excited. all of this stuff is fuckin awesome. i'm so happy. @arrow-guy you ROCK. FOREVER.

i got a phone call today from someone that i couldn't figure out what they were saying, so i had to listen to the message half a dozen times to figure out the girl was saying "boxlunch at the mall." apparently i had completely forgotten about an order i had placed, and it was in, so eventually today i went and got it. i turned the simple trip into an excursion and i invited hannah and kianna along, but kianna was tired and didn't want to leave the couch (which, yknow, mood), so i picked up the stuff, picked some other stuff out, went to hot topic and picked up other stuff, went to the lindt store for chocolate for mom, and went to get froyo, and after that, we went to hang out with nick and kianna and eat our froyo together.

but look upon my spoils, for they are many.

i also got some other things too. like a t-shirt and chocolate.

overall a pretty good day. spent a lot of money. talked a little bit to joel. talked to myself about my worry over FF, because for all i talk bit about "hey i'm absolutely in love with you" it's not even that. they're just. they're really just my friend. i think they're fascinating and i love talking to them. sure, i fell a little bit in love with them. but it's the same with everybody i meet. i always fall in love with people a little bit. how can i not?

anyway. i'm worried. well, maybe not worried-worried. concerned, i guess? because it's been total radio silence for a few days and that's really out of character from the last few months, but their friend has also been not so active, so i assume it's because school has restarted. and i know i shouldn't worry so much, because i'll give myself ulcers and worry myself into an early grave. but they're my friend! and i give a shit! a big shit!! i care about their mental health and i want them to be okay. i thought about reaching out, and asking them how they're doing, but there's that constant issue of "i've dug myself into a hole because i keep telling you i love you and i've made every interaction awkward from here on out." so i wish for death. but mostly i wish for them to be okay, to be good, to be thriving in their real life. i don't want them to feel like they need to isolate. i just want them to know that we as a group miss them, and that i as an individual miss them, and that it's not because i'm madly in love with them or anything. i actually wish i could start over with that, honestly. if i didn't just fuckin stop functioning when i first saw their face, if i didn't look at everything they do with stars in my eyes, it would've been better. kaiku, i'm sorry. god, i'm a disaster. i need to change my tag.

[suqarshaxx]

a shaxx mini story cause i’m love h*rny

red text = shaxx talking :>

— exhaustion

“i understand zavala, and i’ll follow your orders but i seriously think we need to think of taking a stealthier approach. send me and two other highly skilled stealth guardians and we’ll get it done.” zavala looked at you like you were stupid. “i’m not sending only three guardians in with no true insight of the ship layout. i’ll bring up your idea with the vanguard but that could take more weeks. we have no idea what we’re up against and i want to know before i go sending three of my most skilled guardians into a blind zone.” *sigh* you’re too tired for this. “you have a point sir. i’ll let you get back to your work.” you left zavala’s office with your head up...until you heard the office doors close. “finally” you sigh, letting your head fall. see, life has gotten a lot more frustrating and exhausting. since cayde died you’ve been incredibly lonely. it was hard accepting he was really gone.

you picked up other activities to get away from it. crucible was the one to take up most of your time, and, it was a positive. you were becoming closer to shaxx and it had probably been the first week in awhile you hadn’t felt completely lonely. he was great at distracting you from what happened. as you were making your way up the stairs you stopped by banshee’s setup to talk for a bit. unluckily, a lot of guardians were also there so that meant no banshee time. but, its not the end of the world. you kept walking and gave master rahool a polite greeting as you past by. you start making your way towards shaxx when you see he was talking to another guardian. by the looks of shaxx’s body language, he seemed to be trying to explain something to the young one. you respect shaxx and his students so you just stood off to the side waiting.

he notices you and quickly dismisses the other guardian. you start walking over towards him while shaking your head and smiling. “shaxx you didn’t have to send that guardian off i was fine wai-“ shaxx cut you off swiftly. “guardian? what are you doing here?” his voice sounding concerned. “what are you talking about?” i wanted to see you, and what bounties you’re offering.” your look went from happy to puzzled very quickly. “y/n...” shaxx lightly grabs your arm to pull you off to the side. “how long has it been?” this is starting to get odd. “shaxx what are you talking about?” what’s his deal? “have you seen your eyes y/n? they’re hollow black. you can tell you haven’t been sleeping. so, how long has it been since you actually slept?” you sigh. someone had to say something. someone always, has to say something. “shaxx, im alright. ikora asked me to help out with some extra paperwork a few days ago and it was a lot so i just stayed up for a couple of days and haven’t had the option to rest yet. it’s only my third day and trust me i plan on sleeping tonight.” you said with a faint smile. “you haven’t spoken to her in weeks. you even told me that.” now it’s awkward. shaxx crossed his arms, “you can’t lie to me about this. now please, let me take you home so you can rest.” his voice was so sad and soft. “the last thing i’d need is for you to get hurt in crucible fights because you cant stand up right.” he lightly said under his breath. as much as you hated it, he was right. what good are you to anyone if you can barely function? “okay, i promise i’ll rest but don’t feel the need to walk me home. i know i’m a bit wobbly but if you have work to do, i’m not gonna keep you from it. i can still walk myself home.” “not a chance, i wanna make sure you actually fall asleep.” you could tell he really cared about you. “just give me a few moments to gather my things.”

the walk was very silent but wasn’t ever awkward. the exhaustion was always with you but knowing you grew closer and closer to a bed made that tired feeling way worse. as you and shaxx were walking you held hands. sorta-ish? you held onto two of his fingers. the index and middle one. shaxx didn’t seem to mind it and neither did you so no one said anything about it.

as the two of you approached your home you started getting tense. sure everyone could tell you weren’t sleeping but no one knew you weren’t even staying in your own home. those damn memories of cayde flood your head every time you’re inside. truthfully, it was scary. never knowing if it’s going to be a happy memory or him taking his final breaths terrifies you. obviously to the point where you can’t even sleep in your own home. shaxx could tell you were tense considering once you got closer and closer, you didn’t realize but you were tightly gripping his fingers now. “guardian? are you alright?” you couldn’t shift your gaze from the home but still replied. “yes i’m alright, thank you for bringing me home.” a minute of silence passed before you broke it and looked over at shaxx. “if you’d like you can come in, grab a drink rest for a few minutes and then get back to the crucible.” “ah i finally get to see how one of my best players lives?” you know he said that with a smirk across his face. you couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.

you two entered your house and you offered to make some tea, which shaxx politely declined. he wanted the tea but you could tell he wanted you to rest more. “is there anything i can do to make you more comfortable? you’ve seemed very tense since we’ve got here.” should you tell him? should you not tell him? you’ve always kept to yourself but it’s like be makes it impossible for you not to share. he feels like the only one you don’t have to lie to. “shaxx, i have to be honest. the last time i slept was here, and the last time i’ve been here was almost a month ago.” you couldn’t directly look him in the eyes but could feel him looking down at you. “why didn’t you say anything sooner?” pride i guess... “i’m not sure, i thought maybe i could handle myself but i just ended up running away from it.” a singular sigh left shaxx’s mouth. “alright then, come on.” you were confused. “what do you mean? come where?” “your mattress y/n. you obviously are having trouble sleeping because of your nightmares, and i’m sure not having someone here either to comfort you isn’t helpful. so i’ll stay with you for the rest of the day that way if you do have a nightmare, you have someone to help you.” wow.. “shaxx, that’s incredibly nice and i truly appreciate it but i couldn’t ask you to do that. you still have the crucible to run and bounties to sell and guardians to teach and-“ shaxx cut you off before you continued to ramble on. “it’s alright, ive already worked things out to take the rest of the day off. the crucible can wait guardian, you can’t.” “are you sure?” “i’m positive, now! you must go rest!” he said in his “crucible” voice. you couldn’t help but giggle. as different as it was, shaxx did make you feel less lonely. maybe it’s time to accept that while cayde might be gone physically, it doesn’t mean you have to stop cherishing him through memories. maybe it’s a new path forward. “thank you shaxx, i greatly appreciate it.” you gave him a hug and asked if he needed anything else before going to bed. he simply shook his head and made a resting gesture. you smiled and went to your bedroom. you couldn’t deny that you felt very nervous but you just trusted your gut that if anything happened shaxx would be there, and hopefully, he’d still be there when you awoke.

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ok hi so uhh a/n i did NOT expect to write this long and much so yeah! i hope you enjoy and this is my first time *publicly* writing and posting a fic so i hope you enjoy :>