#happy non-denominational holidays everyone!!!!!!

[chelemlem]

merry crisis

[acloudofsparklingdust]

I'm so tired of people who don't understand/care about the true effects of religion on people (especially young people, especially vulnerable people) speaking for religion. Like stop normalizing that shit.

If you're such an agnostic/atheist why are you not only okay with religious propaganda, but spreading it yourself? Your being neutral about religion always ends up benefitting religious people/institutions. Why are y'all not questioning this bias?

It's like y'all didn't grow up with it so it didn't fuck you up for life, and it didn't fuck up your siblings for life, and it didn't traumatize and ruin you on any level... And bc of that you're only willing to speak for religious freedom in the context of people being religious?

Why are you okay with religious freedom but not with freedom to not have religion?

Every time I hear ex-religious people discuss how horrible their experiences were, there's always some happy camper never-even-been-to-a-sermon/mass who wants to come and say everyone should have the right to believe whatever they believe.

Like sure, believe whatever you want, but the second your beliefs infringe on other people's human rights maybe it's time that we stop pretending that's acceptable and neutral in society.

People who grow up mostly culturally free of religion should see their privilege for what it is and ensure that others get the same luck in the future.

Not pretend that it's not dystopian to see churches post "demure" memes on TikTok, or that the Vatican's mascot is an anime character. Thess religious groups are trying to recruit children. They want to appeal to younger audiences. They want to brainwash more people so that they get to stay rich and powerful.

And while you chill and enjoy your secular Christmas/non-denominational Holiday party, there will be little kids being told that being gay is a sin, that women should be submissive to men and hide their bodies and not speak unless spoken to, and that serving god is more important than getting an education.

[perseephoneee]

(For Ficmas 2023) Isaac Lahey and cookie decorating

cookie decorating (isaac lahey x f!reader) {ficmas 2023}

꒰ ࿁ ˙ ˖ ໑ happy day 12 of ficmas!

warnings: allusions to sex

a/n: its christmas eve! this one is short but i wanted to keep it sweet and to the point. thank you guys so much for joining me in this journey to write 12 fics in 24 days (honestly exhausting, but i'm happy I did it). reminder that my requests are open, and to join my taglist if you want to read more of my work in the future. i have a couple requested fics that i need to work on, but i'm hoping to start having a regular posting schedule for you guys in the new year. once again, ily and thank you guys for supporting me always <3

↳ masterlist  ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2023

Before your last school vice principal was killed by one of the many werewolf problems that arose in Beacon Hills, the high school didn’t have as many “school spirit” events. There were the typical ones, but truthfully, not a lot. But then, the high school needed a new vice principal, and suddenly, Beacon Hills High School was experiencing an influx of school-wide events. Some of them were incredibly stupid, annoying, and trivial, but occasionally there would be one that would excite all the students. This was one of those times. 

“I am happy to announce that for the holiday season, we will be doing a series of competitions centered around winter,” Mr. Bean, the new vice principal, announced at a school assembly one morning. You almost skipped it but were caught by Coach Finstock in the hall before you could sneak out. Your boyfriend, Isaac, was asleep next to you. “They will be non-denominational, of course. But what is the prize, you ask? After careful consideration, it was decided that the team that gets the most wins out of the twelve contests will get automatic As for the winter break homework– that’s right, a free pass!”

That got the students awake, chatter filling the auditorium as students daydreamed about not having to do any work over the break. You also perked up. Even though you were a good student, you never got an actual vacation with how things went in your life, and your brain almost couldn’t process all the reading and napping you’d get done if you didn’t have any homework. 

“Isaac,” you hissed, slapping your boyfriend in the arm. He groaned as you awoke him. “We are entering this.” He looked at you in confusion as you explained the competition to him. That seemed to wake him up. 

“I’m not doing too hot in Chemistry right now, so that’d be great,” he mumbled, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. 

“You told me you were okay!” 

“I lied,” he shrugged, and you slapped him in the arm again. 

“I offered to help you with your homework.”

“I wanted to make out with you instead.” That made you roll your eyes, but you didn’t get the chance to chastise your boyfriend as you finished listening to the rules of the competition. 

The following days went by as pretty much every student in the school participated. Everyone got points for the challenges, and the team with the most points got automatic As. There would be two runner-ups who got Bs. You questioned whether any of this was legal, but your lust for winning overtook the rational part of you. Your competitive nature shined as you and Isaac quickly rose to the top of the leaderboards. Between your book smarts and Isaac’s athletic prowess, you took the contests by storm. There was trivia, a sledding race, a snowman competition, and a relay race. Ethan and Aiden were The only team close to beating you two, which just spurred on Isaac more. Even Scott and Stiles, who had fallen behind since they spent more time arguing like a married couple than cooperating, were rooting for you and Isaac just to see Ethan and Aiden go down. 

The final contest wasn’t anything crazy but required precision and focus. Cookie Decorating. Of course. 

You hunkered down at your house, baking cookies and looking at YouTube tutorials for the best way to decorate cookies. You had some cookies look like ornaments, others like reindeer, and a couple as snowflakes. Unfortunately, Isaac had grown distracted about half an hour into your baking adventure. Which meant he had turned to distracting you. 

“Can we take a break?” he sighed, sitting at your counter as he watched you add frosting to piping bags. 

“We need to turn these in by 4 pm today, so we need to hurry,” you responded, tying off the plastic piping at the top and looking at your sketched designs before adding anything to your cookies. Isaac slid off the stool, standing beside you as he watched you draw careful shapes. You weren’t paying attention to him, so you missed the devilish smirk on his face as an idea came to him. He pushed your hair to one side, standing behind you as he wrapped his arms around your middle. You hummed, still focused on decorating, when he pressed kisses along your neck and shoulder. You became hyperaware of his lips on your skin as he licked a line from your artery to your jaw, hot, open-mouthed kisses following soon after. You bit your lip to stop a gasp from leaving your mouth. “Isaac,” you hissed in warning when he bit down, coaxing a sigh from your lips. 

“Y/N,” he hummed, his hands dipping under your shirt and running up and down your sides. His hands were cold and made you shiver wherever he touched you. 

“You’re being a nuisance,” you whispered, hand shaking as you kept trying to decorate. 

“Take a break,” he smiled against your skin, continuing his ministrations. You tried to calm yourself, but after making another mistake in decorating, you growled in frustration and turned around in his arms. 

“You’re obnoxious,” you muttered, back pressed against the counter as Isaac had you cornered. He just smiled, leaning down to kiss you as he had you caged against the counter. You let him kiss you, hands running up his arms, tangling in his hair. You let him take you to your bedroom, make love to you, and effectively distract you. And when he was done being needy, you went back to finish decorating the cookies, wearing just his shirt and underwear, even letting him steal one when he thought you weren’t looking. 

You ended up winning the competition, much to the chagrin of Ethan and Aiden, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to care as you spent winter break in peace with Isaac. 

[alphamalereviewsfanfics]

CAN YOU TASTE MY LUST? CAN YOU FEEL MY SIN? By Heartofhubris

SUMMARY: “But, the issue had arisen during your nights when he filtered into your dreams. Nights of imagining him taking you in the pews,laying you out on the dark woodtostrip you bare to his whims.
When you focused back into the Father, you felt your blush travel up to your ears. The thoughts would only offer more confessions, and you didn’t want to add in more sins you had to confess.
“We are all sinners,” Father Ford said.

Enjoy the sacrilege, you damn heathen

Priest Ford AU where he's aware of what he can do and he does it.”

PREGAME: Happy Easter my fellow alphas!!!!! My partner requested this one and I thought it would be silly if I was a bit sacreligious on this holiday because I kinda hate it 😎😎😎 not because of like the religious shit itself but like because the rabbit shit doesn’t compute in my brain and also because of how my family celebrates good ole Easter but what can you do. I’m not catholic, but I was raised pretty non-denominational Christian and I haven’t been to church since I was 10 so like I know nothing about this shit. I’ll take most of my knowledge from watching midnight mass so like if it’s insanely inaccurate to how this catholic shit goes then that’s not on me that’s on the author, who describes themself as “catholicphobic.” Also I only read this twice instead of my usual five times before reviewing so sorry if the review sucks ass that’s just the alpha way though.

REVIEW: When I was younger I desperately wanted to learn latin. I watched this Wes Anderson movie called Rushmore (it was an earlier one so it wasn’t filled with the crazy aesthetics he has now) and I was in love with the idea of taking Latin and going to a Latin club and reviving an almost dead language. It drove me mad and I would try to teach myself Latin with google translate (because duolingo and sites like that weren’t really a thing) and I learned all about the etymology of words in the English language and I was obsessed with it and I would tell everyone what the root of certain words was and it annoyed the shit out of people (especially my sister). Anyways the point of all this is that Latin is not sexy. And it never will be sexy to me. And I don’t know why I was so fucking hung up on the mention of latin because like there aren’t even any latin words in this fic!!!!! It just mentions it!!!! So moral of the story don’t be me. This is pretty well written though bro. The author succeeds with constructing a kinda like repentance vibe in the first few sentences. Like it feels like there’s nothing else to be written besides priest porn. Like that’s the end goal. Even if there wasn’t priest porn in it I would get the vibes of priest porn like just read the first few sentences l think Aw man this’ll either be some good religious horror novel or some killer priest porn. And I respect the hell out of that bro like it got the tone down bro. And like the porn itself is pretty well written like man I’m bewildered that the tone just fit so well bro like I don’t get it I’m baffled bro this is insane!!!!!! Like the porn was so well written bro it has tone and emotion to it you don’t get usually bro trust me. Anyways my partner said they were really into this fic and I gotta support them on that it was well written even if I find the father thing kinda silly but like I don’t know I’ve never tried it. Also priests are silly and I couldn’t see Ford into religion like characterization wise buuut I’m putting the mischaracterization aside because it’s just made for people who want to get off to priest ford pines and I gotta respect that. So if you’re into ford pines and you’re into priest shit this fine Easter Sunday then do some sacrilegious shit and read this fic

RATING: 6/8 fingers (BETA MALE STATUS)

Happy Easter and Ramadan and Passover and death anniversary of Margaret Thatcher my alphas 😎😎💪💪🔥🔥🔥

[piratefishmama]

HAPPY NON-DENOMINATIONAL HOLIDAYS!!! ⭐☃️

Thank you so much to those of you who wrote lovely things on my silly little tree, i woke up to really nice messages and it made me smile, so thank you very much.

i hope everyone gets everything they wanted this year, and if you didnt, well, double underline it on your list next year, show em you really mean business.

Have a wonderful day!!

[aqua-magma-official]

Hi all! Nicky here! Sorry for being absent for so long! We've been busy with work stuff! You know, Pokemon Conservation stuff! But we're back and we've got announcements! Take it away, Kai!

Hi everyone, it's Kai! We here at the Aqua-Magma Conservatory are proud to announce we're hosting our First Annual Non-Denominational Holiday Party on the 20th! It's open to everybody as long as you don't plan to cause a scene or vandalize our building. Seriously, don't try it, we will catch you and you will be kicked out. Probably by Matt.

Speaking of Matt, we've got a brand new line of Holiday plushies! You ever want to own a tiny version of Matt wearing a Santa Hat! Well now you can!

That's about it for now. Happy Holidays!

[paramcur]

wishing everyone a belated merry christmas and a non-denominational happy holidays!! and alternatively, if the holidays are hard for you like they are for me, i hope they pass quickly and that if nothing else, ya'll have enjoyed winter break and the stressful and tiring things that weigh heavy on your soul get left behind in 2023 as we move towards 2024.

[messymind-okaylife]

I don't know much about music theory, but I have heard a lot of music in my life time. HtGCC's numbers were obviously inspired by other, classic holiday tunes and I'd love to hear which songs people think each number was inspired by. Some are pretty obvious, others are harder to put your finger on. Here's what I think:

"Holly Jolly Non-Denominational Holiday Time" - very obvious "we wish you a merry Christmas" elements and quite possibly a play on "holly jolly Christmas" and probably a couple others

"Dear Santi" - gotta be a "Santa baby" spoof, "baby, it's cold outside" also come to mind, vibes-wise

"I Fuck With Christmas" - obvious "12 days of Christmas" elements, not sure what else (the line "trim up the tree" is apparently a reference to a song from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas")

"Role of a Lifetime" - obviously a country spoof and I'm inclined to think it even references a specific song, though I don't know which one (Johnny Cash maybe?)

"Greedy for the Needy" - first couple bars immediately made me think of "we are the world"; I believe there are also elements of "Happy X-Mas (War is Over)" "Do they know it's Christmas" (I mixed up the songs) present

"You're a beanpie, Mr. Grunch" - obviously "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch", also has elements of "Welcome Christmas" (also from htgsc)

"Come now, Wunchton!" - sounds vaguely familiar but no clue (phantom of the opera??)

"Three Nasty Grunches/The Magic is Back" - elements from the other songs already mentioned, but this one is more score than musical number so I'm not sure the same logic applies

"Holly Jolly Finale" - essentially a reprise/medley, so nothing new to add here imo

"Solve It Squad Theme (Holiday Version)" - "solve it Squad Theme" (obviously), but what was the original solve it Squad Theme inspired by?

I'd love to hear everyone's opinions on my picks and which songs they picked up on, whether it's the same or different ones. Let's start a discussion, but keep it friendly!

[edwardian-girl-next-door]

Hello lovely people of Tumblr!

As an avid lover of British and UK history, I wanted to start a little series on various feast days that are or were celebrated there. Social and cultural history are my jam, but as someone outside of the UK, I don't have access to many resources or conversations about these things. Hence why I wanted to start a little series for myself, because apparently I need less free time in my life :')

In this series I want to examine feast days and festivals to gain a window into everyday life in the past. How did people use religion to add meaning and regularity to their lives? What other historical events, farm customs, or stories are linked to these holidays? How did traditions and idioms spring up and sometimes fade away? I will provide some basic research, including: brief biographical backgrounds on the person celebrated, legends surrounding them, and customs practised on the holiday. Obviously I will include lots of pretty pictures too, and maybe some homemade memes... I will be focusing on more major holidays at first (like Lady Day, Michaelmas, Easter, &c.), but if I continue this series I might include more minor holidays. My main focus is the Middle Ages and the Tudor and Stuart periods, so that means a lot of white-dominant holidays until about 1600; but I'd love to look into non-Christian and/or 'fringe' Christian religious experiences in the historical UK. I am a beginner when it comes to finding information outside of the Western Hemisphere and extremely unconfident about how to go about it. That being said, I will try my best!

A disclaimer: As my focus is on generally pre-1800, many of these holidays are deeply rooted in Western Christianity. It is not my intention to exclude anyone or make anyone uncomfortable. I am not trying to condone or vilify any of the beliefs associated with these holidays, nor do I want to make a commentary on Christianity or any of its respective denominations. I also recognise that I am an amateur who mainly uses the internet for information; and that I have a focus on old dead white people, as that is what I am naturally drawn to. But I would love to diversify my knowledge of the UK and Ireland. If you have corrections, comments, resources, or just want to chat, please be civil. I am simply trying to spread a little more information around on the internet because learning about everyday life in the past makes me ridiculously happy. History should be a safe and inclusive space for everyone to learn about the world and its languages, customs, and events, because so many kinds of people contributed to it.

~ edwardian-girl-next-door <3

art: Thomas Cooper Gotch, "Winter Procession"

[awigglycultist]

Random How the Grunch Cribbed Christmas thoughts/fav things/live blog/ect. Look you know the drill probably.

"Jinkles Christ what an embarrassing way to start!"

"shake your asses!"

Also Esther with the lights on them djdjjd

*farts into mic* "L'Chaim"

Why is Gwen flossing oh god

The applause sign nddbbd

Esther showing everyone a qr code for everyone to give them money ndjdn

"I can't believe you trust the internet with your money, I keep mine where its safe, irl in the unlocked glove department of my van parked out front... Theres cameras! Jesus Christ!"

"in your hometown where you would revice no attention or fame :)"

"and we're out!" "glad I don't have to listen that" "oh you know what sorry now we're out"

"I got an appointment out back with Jolly Ol Saint Dick"

The whole bit with Scrags interrogating Rudy nfjdd

"she knows we have a special bond. And I think her husband knows that too"

"Keith Swanson you puckish imp!"

"yeah we all agree she's trying to pig out on that Keith beef in thr sheets right?"

I think I would die if I was Ace

Poor Scrags

"it's also a waste of my stage time"

There he is. There's the grunch.

"I do not want to look like one of those amateur shows where there's a long blackout and people judt stumble around like idiots"

Ah yes non denominational Santa

"how old are you supposed to be in this song?" "six" "six?"

"Santa" "what?" "boner" "fuck"

Buddy they seem like they wanna fuck you bc of the song

"baby J, papa G, and... The third one"

"or join us on the naughty list" "I totally fucking will" "Keith"

"project"

Esther not being able to read the card is so funny

I love how fucking excited Esther is the moment they see Kirk

Rip Scrags

"my absolute. Best. Friend."

The Esther and Kirk handshake is incredible

I immediately absolutely love Kirk also so I get where Esther is coming from

"happy... Christmas everyone!"

Orlando's entrance is absolutely wonderful

"oh hey uhmm" "it's like the reindeer" "reindeer"

"and that's my childhood trauma.. Being privileged."

"do what my family did, celebrate both" "pft okay. You can do that!?"

"aren't you a sight for whore eyes"

I'd love to know if this would take place before or after ep1 of sisbib bc of Rhoda's Ark being one of the sponsorships

The absolute tension between Gwen and Lisa

"move on!"

Scrags has no idea what he's doing

"will the squad ever come to Florida?" "absolutely not"

"as the only Christian in the squad uhm... It me" "okay, holy spirit doesn't equate to holiday spirit dipshit" "oh my god can Christians just come out on top for once?"

Omg Nick Gage could write an awesome rock song about Christmas

The bit where Esther is on the floor seemingly about to fall asleep only to go right back into the song is great

Honestly incredibly rude if the grunch to knock everything over after Scrags just cleaned up, I don't even care about him stealing presents or....pissing into the diffuser

"if Gwen was giving anyone a handjob I would know about it!"

"do we have any fuckable singles in the audience?"

"I'm joking! I'm half joking"

So who's gonna do the math to figure out how many lawsuits he has against him and how many years he was in prison

I love Orlando

Also. I shout this out all the time but absolute shout out to the background acting in this show

Are they allowed to use this song?

Keith absolutely ROCKING OUT

Scrags screaming omh

"oh I don't know maybe a vengeful monster wHO WE JUST BEETLEJUICED INTO EXISTENCE"

"OH YEAH EAT SHIT ACE!"

Ah finally. Brian playing a women

"multi-generational ogies with the neighbours"

No he's right Pirates are super cool

:( Scrags <3 beloved poor guy

Joey saying bye to that person getting up in the middle of a song djdndkdb also that person left for the bathroom at the wrong time. Like they left right around the start of the song and then came back at the very end of it when everyone was absolutely going crazy applauding for the song, they really missed the best song

We definitely need more Joey and Corey duets

"what do you want Scrags?" "DAAADDD"

"Scrags what were you thinking?" hey it's not his fault you went live right as he had an emotional song with Orlando about his daddy issues

Omg didn't know Brian could play violin

Scrags just. Sulking. In the background.

Scrags putting up the applause sign for the show getting cancelled ndkdndnd

Keith having these signs prepared to ask for a threesome. Omg.

Brian quick changes!!

Honestly tho what a fun uplifting song

Their step forwards djdndn

"to get over this whole sad boy routine..."

"a threesome with her and who else?" *gets down on one knee and presents himself*

"this is a really long black out"

Joey nearly knocking over the mic sjdndj

"hide your kids hide your wives hide your presents!"

"maybe finally this year the grunch will finally take me and this nightmare will be over"

"he thinks moses is like the Santa of Hanukkah and I thought it was too funny to correct"

Yeah this really is terrifying

Keith you idiot

Yeah go off Gwen

Scrags and Esther doing hand motions in the background for the notes and make faces while Gwen misses her notes kdnddn

"his stink glands you see... We're.. So... Fucking bad"

Wonderful accent Scrags

The slow no fighting ndjd

Oh boy there's three grunches now!

Scrags finally held the sign up right :)

How dare they not give him a song

"Orlando, you remember!" "absolutely not."

Keith yelling "this is what I do when I'm happy!" when Esther tells him to stop flossing sjdbdn

Rip Rudy

YEAH WOO ESTHER

"some random y2k spy wear I had lying around"

"EFFECT ALTRUISM BITCHES" FUCK YEAH ESTHER

YEAH THEY SURE ARE THE MIRACLE

The fact Keith's first wet dream was too one of Esther's parents....

"yeah I got a lot of guilt" "ah yethe one thing you Catholics and us Jews have in common" "pretty sure the Jews call it 'gelt'" "nah that's chocolate coins" "no it's not"

"how many nights of Hanukkah are there??"

Reprise time!

WOO ACE!!

This show really is great and I Iove the music and really wish more people were watching it and talking about it

[snugglyporos]

HAPPY POROMAS!

A happy non-denominational Poromas to everyone! Poromas is a long holiday, as technically it’s an entire month or so, but Poros are most snuggly and filled with the most love this time of year! Are all awaiting Santa Braum and his reinporos! Is good and snuggly! 

Of course, is very non-denominational. Not religious, as poros don’t understand religion, so everyone can celebrate poromas even if you don’t celebrate other holidays! 

Poromas, after all, is all about snuggles and love and sharing! Is good! Happy Poromas!

[thecorvidrotation]

statistically speaking I feel like there has to be AT LEAST one Jewish member of the 300 Fox Way household.

[bailey-writes]

So You Want Your OC to be Jewish

So you’re writing a story and you want to make a Jewish character—great! I’m here to help. I always want more Jewish representation but I want good Jewish representation, so this is my attempt to make a guide to making a Jewish character. What are my credentials? I’m Jewish and have been my whole life. Obligatory disclaimer that this is by no means comprehensive, I don’t know everything, all Jews are different, and this is based on my experiences as an American Jew so I have no idea, what, if any, of this applies to non-American Jews. 

If there’s anything you want me to make a post going more into detail about or if there’s anything I didn’t mention but you want to know please ask me! I hope this is helpful :) Warning, this is long.

Jew PSA

If you are Jewish you can use the word Jew(s), e.g. “She’s dating a Jew.” If you are not Jewish you cannot use the word Jew(s). This is not up for debate. Non-Jews calling us Jews has a negative connotation at best. Don’t do it and don’t have your characters do it.

Basics, Plus My Random Thoughts that Didn’t Fit Anywhere Else

A confusing enduring issue is, what is Judaism? It’s a religion, but some Jews aren’t religious; is it a race? A nationality? A culture? A heritage? The only constant is that we are seen as “other.” There’s a lot of debate, which makes it confusing to be Jewish and as such it’s common for Jews to struggle with their Jewish Identity. However many people agree that Jews are an ethnoreligious group, aka Judaism is a religion and an ethnicity.

Temple/Synagogue/Shul = Jewish place of worship. Shul is usually used for Orthodox synagogues.

Keeping kosher = following Jewish dietary rules: meat and dairy can’t be eaten together and you can’t eat pork or shellfish. Fish and eggs are pareve (aka neutral) and can be eaten with meat or dairy (but again not both at the same time.) When eating meat it has to be kosher meat (e.g. kosher Jews are allowed to eat chicken, but not all chicken is kosher. I know it’s kinda confusing I’m sorry.) Kosher products in stores will have symbols on them to identify them as kosher. If someone is kosher they’ll probably have separate sets of utensils/plates/cookware/etc. for meat and dairy

Shabbat/Shabbos/Sabbath = holy day of the week, day of rest, lasts from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Depending on observance Jews might have Shabbat dinner, attend Shabbat services, or observe the day of rest in its entirety (making them shomer Shabbat)

Someone who is shomer Shabbat will refrain from any of the prohibited activities. These can easily be looked up but include: working, writing, handling money, cooking, and using technology.

Bat/Bar/B’nai Mitvzah = tradition where a Jewish boy/girl becomes a man/woman. Celebrated at 13-years-old for boys, 12- or 13-years-old for girls. Girls have Bat Mitzvahs (bat means daughter in Hebrew), boys have Bar Mitzvahs (bar means son in Hebrew) and twins or two or more people having one together have a B’nai Mitzvah. They will study for this for months and then help lead services and, depending on observance level, read from the Torah. The ceremony is often attended by family and friends and followed with a celebration of sorts (in America usually this means a brunch and/or party.)

Goy/gentile = non-Jew. These words are not slurs, they are literally just words. Plural of goy is goyim and is a Yiddish word, plural of gentile is gentiles.

Jewish holidays follow the Hebrew calendar, meaning that according to the current solar/Gregorian calendar the dates of our holidays are different each year.

Jewish law recognizes matrilineal inheritance. This means that Jewish law states your mother has to be Jewish for you to be Jewish. This is because of reasons from biblical times that I can explain if you wanna come ask, but as you can imagine is a bit outdated. While Orthodox Jews might embrace this idea and only consider someone Jewish if their mom is Jewish, many Jews are more flexible on the idea (and yes, this does cause tension between Orthodox Jews and other Jews at times.)

Judaism =/= Christianity

Some people think Judaism is just Christianity without Jesus (some people don’t even realize we don’t believe in/celebrate Jesus so newsflash, we don’t) and that’s just wrong. Yes both religions share the Old Testament, so they also share some history and beliefs, but the entire ideologies of the religions are different. In brief, they are similar in some ways but are not the same.

What seems to me to be the biggest difference is that Christianity (from what I understand) has a heavy focus on sins, more specifically repenting for/gaining forgiveness for your sins. In Christianity you are born tainted by original sin. In Judaism we believe everyone is born pure and free from sin and everyone is made in God’s image. Judaism has some concept of sin, but doesn’t focus on them and instead focuses on performing Mitzvot (plural, singular form is mitzvah. Direct translation is “commandment” but basically means good deed or act of kindness. It also relates to the commandments, so following the commandments is also performing mitzvot.) Examples of mitzvot include anything from saying a prayer or lighting Shabbat candles to helping a stranger or donating to charity (called tzedakah). One of the main tenets of Judaism is tikkun olam, which directly translates to “repair the world” and means exactly what it says on the tin. Instead of focusing on being forgiven for doing bad Judaism focuses on doing good. The only day we focus on past wrongdoings is Yom Kippur, one of our most holy holidays, discussed below.

Holidays

Rosh Hashanah – The Jewish New Year, occurs around September and lasts for two days, though Reform Jews often only celebrate the first day. Day of happiness and joy, celebrated by eating sweet things for a “sweet new year” (often apples dipped in honey) and circular challah to represent the end of one year and beginning of another. Also celebrated with services and blowing the shofar (rams horn.) Some spend the day in prayer and/or silent meditation. Possible greetings: chag sameach (happy holiday; can be said on almost any holiday), Shana Tovah, or happy new year (which is what Shana Tovah means, some people just say it in English.)

Yom Kippur – Day of Atonement. Occurs ten days after the start of Rosh Hashanah. One of if not the most solemn day for Jews, but also the most holy. The day is spent reflecting on yourself and any past wrongdoings and atoning. The day (sundown the night before to sundown the day of) is spent fasting, a physical way of atoning. We do this in hopes of being “written in the Book of Life” and starting the year with a clean slate. The shofar is blown at the end of the holiday. Most Jews will end the fast with a grand meal with family and friends. Most common greeting is “have an easy fast,” but happy new year is still appropriate.

Sukkot – Celebrates the harvest, occurs on the fifth day after Yom Kippur and lasts seven days. Celebrated by building a temporary hut outdoors called a sukkah and having meals inside it, as well as shaking palm fronds tied together (called a lulav) and holding a citrus called an etrog. Very fun and festive holiday. Possible greetings include chag sameach or Happy Sukkot.

Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah – Some Jews (mostly Reform Jews and Jews living in Israel) combine both holidays into one day while some celebrate them as two separate days. Either way they occur immediately after Sukkot. Shemini Atzeret is similar but separate from Sukkot and features a prayer for rain; Sukkot is not mentioned in prayers and the lulav isn’t shaken but you do eat in the sukkah. Simchat Torah celebrates finishing reading the Torah, which we will then begin again the next day. It’s a festive holiday with dancing and fun. Some Temples will roll the entire Torah out and the children will run under it. Appropriate greeting for both would be chag sameach.

Rosh Hashanah through Simchat Torah are referred to as the High Holidays.

Chanukah – We all know about Chanukah, celebrating the reclaiming of the Second Temple and the miracle of the oil lasting eight days. The most represented Jewish Holiday there is. Unfortunately it’s one of the least significant holidays for us. Occurs around November or December and lasts eight days and nights. Celebrated by lighting candles in the Menorah each night with a prayer and kids usually get gifts each night. Also celebrated with spinning tops called dreidels, fried foods like doughnuts (sufganiyot in Hebrew; usually the jelly filled ones) and potato pancakes called latkes. Greetings: happy Chanukah or chag sameach.

Tu B’Shevat – Birthday of the trees, basically Jewish Arbor Day. Minor but fun holiday, sometimes celebrated by planting trees. Occurs around January or February.

Purim – Celebrates how Queen Esther of Persia defeated Haman and saved her people, the Jews. Occurs in Spring. Festive holiday traditionally celebrated by dressing in costumes, eating sweets, and giving tzedakah (it’s also technically commanded you get drunk so woohoo!) Whenever Haman’s name is mentioned you make a lot of noise, booing and using noisemakers called groggers. Greetings: happy Purim, chag Purim, or chag sameach.

Passover/Pesach – Celebrates the Jews being freed from slavery in Egypt. Occurs in Spring and lasts eight days. The first two nights (some only celebrate the first night) are celebrated with seder, a ritual meal with certain foods, practices, prayers, and readings from a book called the Haggadah and often attended by family and friends. Most famous prayer/song of the holiday is the four questions, which ask why that night is different from all other nights and is traditionally sung by the youngest child at the seder. The entire holiday is spent not eating certain foods, mostly grain or flour (the food restrictions are complicated and differ based on denomination so look it up or ask a Jew.) We eat a lot of matzah during Pesach, which is like a cracker kinda. I personally hate it but some people actually like it. Greetings: happy Passover, chag pesach, or chag sameach.

Tisha B’Av – Anniversary of the destruction of the Temple. Occurs in Summer. Very sad, solemn day. Some celebrate by fasting from sunrise to sunset. Not the most widely celebrated holiday. Some also commemorate the Holocaust (also called the Shoah) on this day as it was the destruction of a figurative temple.

Denominations

There are a bunch of denominations in Judaism, we’ll go into it briefly.

Religious denominations:

Reform/Reformed: This is the least religiously observant level. Often Reform Jews don’t keep kosher or observe Shabbat, their services on Shabbat will use instruments. Reform Jews probably attend services for the high holidays at the very least and probably had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah. Might say they consider themselves more culturally Jewish. Their Temple/Synagogue will be the most “liberal”—aka have more female/diverse Rabbis and a more diverse congregation. I’m Reform and my Temple’s lead Rabbi is a woman and we used to have a Rabbi who’s a queer single mother.

Conservative: More religiously observant and more generally traditional. Might keep kosher or observe Shabbat, but not necessarily. Services likely won’t use instruments (not supposed to play instruments on Shabbat). Most likely had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, but girls might not read from the Torah, though this depends on the congregation. They do allow female Rabbis, but in my experience it’s less common.

Modern Orthodox: Very religiously observant but also embrace modern society. Will keep kosher and observe Shabbat. Men will wear kippot (singular=kippah) and tzitzit under their shirts. Women will cover their hair (if they’re married), most likely with a wig, and wear modest clothing (only wear skirts that are at least past their knees and long sleeves). Emphasis on continued study of Torah/Talmud. Parents will likely have jobs. Might have larger families (aka more children) but might not. Services will be segregated by gender, girls won’t read from the Torah publicly, and female Rabbis are very rare. Children will most likely attend a religious school. Will attend shul services every Shabbat and for holidays.

note: there are some people who fall somewhere between modern Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox, or between any two denominations really. as you can imagine people don’t all practice the exact same way.

Ultra-Orthodox: Very religiously observant and not necessarily modern. Will keep kosher and observe Shabbat. Men will wear kippot or other head coverings and tzitzit under their shirts, and are also often seen wearing suits. Women will cover their hair (if they’re married) with a wig or scarf and wear modest clothing (only wear skirts that are at least past their knees and long sleeves). Emphasis on continued study of Torah/Talmud. Men might have jobs but might instead focus on Jewish studies, while women most often focus on housework and child-rearing. Don’t believe in contraception (but this is kinda nuanced and depends). Will often have very large families because having children is a commandment and helps continue the Jewish people. Might be shomer negiah which means not touching members of the opposite sex aside from their spouse and some close family members. Services will be segregated by gender, girls won’t read from the Torah publicly, and there won’t be female Rabbis. Children will attend a religious school. Will attend shul services every Shabbat and for holidays.

Ethnic denominations (the different denominations do have some differences in practices and such but tbh I don’t know much about that so this is just the basics):

Ashkenazi: Jews that originate from Central/Eastern Europe. Yiddish, a combination of Hebrew and German, originated from and was spoken by Ashkenazim and while it’s a dying language it’s spoken among many Orthodox Jews and many Jews of all levels know/speak some Yiddish words and phrases. Majority of Jews worldwide are Ashkenazi.

Sephardi/Sephardic: Jews that originate from the Iberian Peninsula, North Africa, and southeastern Europe. Ladino, a combination of Old Spanish and Hebrew, originated from and was spoken by Sephardim. It is also a dying language but is still spoken by some Sephardim. After Ashkenazi most of the world’s Jews are Sephardic.

Mizrahi: Jews that originate from the Middle East and North Africa.

Ethiopian Jews: Community of Jews that lived in Ethiopia for over 1,000 years, though most have immigrated to Israel by now.

Stereotypes/Tropes/Controversies/Etc.

There are so many Jewish stereotypes and shit and I ask you to please be mindful of them. Stereotypes do exist for a reason, so some people will fit stereotypes. This means your character might fit one or two; don’t make them fit all of them. Please. Stereotypes to keep in mind (and steer away from) include:

All Jews are rich.

All Jews are greedy.

All Jews are cheap/frugal.

All Jews are [insert job here]. We’ll go into this more below.

All Jews hate Christians/Muslims/etc.

All Jews are white. 

First of all Ethiopian and Mizrahi Jews exist, many Sephardi are Hispanic, and today with intermarriage and everything this just isn’t true.

All Jews have the same physical features: large and/or hooked nose, beady eyes, droopy eyelids, red hair (this is an old stereotype I didn’t really know existed), curly hair.

Many Jews do have somewhat large noses and curly hair. I’m not saying you can’t give these features to your characters, but I am saying to be careful and don’t go overboard. And don’t give all of your Jewish characters these features. As a side note, it is common at least among American Jews that girls get nose jobs. Not all, but some.

Jews are secretly world elite/control the world/are lizard people/new world order/ any of this stuff. 

STAY AWAY FROM. DO NOT DO THIS OR ANYTHING LIKE THIS. If you have a character that’s part lizard, do not make them Jewish. If you have a character that’s part of a secret group that controls the entire world, do not make them Jewish.

Jews have horns. If you have characters with horns please don’t make them Jewish.

Jews killed Jesus.

The blood libel. Ew. No.

The blood libel is an antisemitic accusation/idea/concept that back in the day Jews would murder Christian children to use their blood in religious rituals and sometimes even for consumption (did I mention gross?) Not only did this just not happen, but it’s actually against Jewish law to murder, sacrifice, or consume blood. Yes these accusations really happened and it became a main reason for persecution of Jews. And some people still believe this shit.

Jews caused The Plague.

The reason this conspiracy exists is because many Jews didn’t get The Plague and the goyim thought that meant it was because the Jews caused it/cursed them. The real reason Jews didn’t get it is because ritual hand-washing and good hygiene kept them from getting it. Sorry that we bathe.

Jewish mother stereotype.

Ok, listen. I know stereotypes are mostly a bad thing but I have to admit the Jewish mother stereotype is not far off. Jewish moms do tend to be chatty and a little nagging, are often very involved in their children’s lives, and they are often trying to feed everyone (although they don’t all cook, my mom hates cooking.) They also tend to be big worriers, mostly worrying about their family/loved ones. They also tend to know everyone somehow. A twenty minute trip to the grocery store can turn into an hour or two long trip because she’ll chat with all the people she runs into.

Jewish-American Princess (JAP) ((I know calling Japanese people Japs is offensive. Jews will call girls JAPs, but with a completely different meaning. If that’s still offensive I am sorry, but just know it happens.))

This is the stereotype that portrays Jewish girls/women as spoiled brats basically. They will be pampered and materialistic. Do these girls exist? Definitely. I still recommend steering away from this stereotype.

Names

Listen. Listen. There are some names that Jews just won’t have. I won’t speak in definites because there are always exceptions but you’ll rarely find a Jew named Trinity or Grace or Faith or any form of Chris/Christopher/Christina etc. Biblical names from the Old Testament? Absolutely Jews will have those names they’re actually very common.

I’m in a Jewish Sorority. My pledge class of ~70 girls had five Rebeccas and four Sarahs. Surprisingly only one Rachel though.

When it comes to last names I have two thoughts that might seem contradictory but hear me out: a) give your Jewish OC’s Jewish surnames, b) don’t give your Jewish OC’s the most Jewish surname to ever exist.

By this I mean I would much rather see a character named Sarah Cohen or Aaron Levine than Rachel Smith. Just that little bit of recognition makes a happy exclamation point appear over my head, plus it can be a good way to hint to readers that your OC is Jewish.

On the other hand, please don’t use the most stereotypical Jewish names you’ve ever heard. If you have five Jewish OCs and one of them is Isaac Goldstein then fine. If Isaac Goldstein is your only Jewish OC I might get a little peeved. There are tons of common Jewish surnames that are recognizable and easy to look up, so don’t revert to the first three that come to mind. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it yucky, for lack of a better word.

Jobs

We all know there are certain jobs that are stereotypical for Jews to have. We’re talking lawyer, dentist, doctor, banker type stuff. To an extent these stereotypes exist for a reason, many Jews go into those careers. Do not make these the only careers your Jewish OCs have. Stereotypes might have reasoning behind them but it doesn’t mean they aren’t harmful. If you have multiple Jewish OCs some of them can have these careers, but not all of them. I do know a lot of Jewish lawyers, dentists, and doctors. I also know accountants, people involved in businesses (“mom, what does Brad do?” “he’s a businessman” sometimes there just aren’t more specific words), people involved in real estate. I don’t actually know any bankers personally, and with money and stuff being one of the most common and harmful Jewish stereotypes I would suggest steering away from that.

These are common fields for Jews, but Jews can have literally any job. Please feel free to get creative. And if you have more than one Jewish OC you can think about making one of them a Rabbi, but DON’T do this if they’re the only Jewish OC. Please.

Yiddish

So I mentioned Yiddish earlier. Like I already said, it’s not a very widely used language anymore but there are some words and phrases that are still used by a lot of Jews (in America at least.) Here’s a list that is absolutely not comprehensive:

Oy vey = oh no

Shvitzing = sweating (but not just a little bit. Shvitzing is like SWEATING)

Kvetch/kvetching = whine/whining or complain/complaining

Mazel tov = congratulations; this is the same in Yiddish and Hebrew

Chutzpah = nerve or gall (e.g. “He’s got a lot of chutzpah for breaking up over text like that”)

Kismet = fate; I just learned this is Yiddish

Bubbe and Zayde = grandma and grandpa

Schelp/schlepping = drag/dragging, can also mean carry or move (e.g. “I had to schlep the bag all around town” doesn’t mean they literally dragged it)

Schmutz = dirt or something dirty (e.g. “you have schmutz on your face”)

Schmatta = literally means rag but can be used to refer to ratty blankets or clothes

Plotz = collapse (usually used in the sense of “I’m so tired I might plotz” or “she’s gonna be so excited she’s gonna plotz”)

Schmuck/shmendrick = both mean more or less the same, a jerk or obnoxious person

Shtick = gimmick, routine, or act (can be used like (“I don’t like that comedian’s shtick” or “he always makes himself the center of attention it’s his shtick”)

Spiel = long speech, story, or rant

There’s so many more so look them up and think about using them, but don’t overdo it. A Jewish person isn’t gonna use a Yiddish word in every sentence (or even every day or every few days.)

Israel

In my community at least it’s very common that by the time your college-aged that you’ll have been to Israel at least once.

Israel is a controversial topic within the Jewish community and in the world. It’s sensitive and complex. I really, really suggest not getting into it. Just don’t bring it up because no matter what you say someone will be unhappy. Just don’t do it.

Ashkenazi Disorders

Ashkenazi Jews have some sucky genes (I’m Ashkenazi so I can say this, you cannot.) These sucky genes cause certain disorders to be more prevalent for us. Children only get the disorder if both parents are carriers of the disorder, so Jews usually get genetic testing done before having children. If both parents are carriers the risk of the child getting the disorder is high, so parents might reconsider or have some indecisiveness/fear. Some of these are:

Tay-Sachs

Cystic Fibrosis

Canavan Disease

Familial Dysautonomia

Gaucher Disease

Spinal Muscular Atrophy  

Fanconi Anemia

Mucolipidosis IV

Niemann-Pick Disease

Torsion Dystonia

Bloom Syndrome

Ashkenazi Jews also have a high prevalence of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes, which increase the risk of breast and ovarian cancer in women and increase the risk of breast and prostate cancer in men.

Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Lactose Intolerance are also very prevalent

In a dorm of like 40 Jews, six of them had Crohn’s.

Ways to Show Your OC is Jewish

Wears Jewish jewelry, e.g. Star of David (also called Jewish Star and Magen David), Chai symbol (means life), jewelry with Sh’ma prayer, or hamsa (but beware this symbol is used outside of Judaism).

Mentions their temple, their Rabbi, having a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, going to Hebrew School, Shabbat, or a holiday coming up.

Have someone ask them a question about Judaism.

Have someone notice they have a mezuzah on their door. 

Most Jews will have a mezuzah on the doorframe of the front door of their house/apartment, but they could even have one for their dorm room or whatever. It’s traditional to kiss your hand then touch the mezuzah when walking through the door, but most Jews don’t do this every time, at least not most Reform or Conservative Jews.

Have them call out antisemitism if you’re feeling spicy

The end! I hope this helped and if you have any questions my ask box is always open!

[ekingston]

YOU HAVE A WIFE!! 🥺 sorry I always get so happy when one of the blogs I regularly check up on just casually mentions a wife. Y’all have wives, my god (non-denominational) what a blessing!

Also tell your wife (!!) that you are famous. I mean, you’re one of the blogs that I have saved on my notes app for easy access. Plus, you deserve a damn medal for You & Me & Holiday Wine. Has your wife read YMHW?

I DO! and she’s a blessing for sure! she’s in our kitchen humming, doing a couple of dishes as i water the plants — last night she snoozed on my shoulder while i read supercorp fanfic on the couch. she’s a fantastic sport to the strange requests i make of her when i essentially use her as a walking reference either for anatomy (not as sexy as it sounds!), math and science questions (i’m utilizing her elementary school teacher nerdiness on her summer break) or the frequently puzzling phenomenon that considers itself ‘proper english grammar’. she’s been my proofreader for YMHW since chapter 3 and the only reason chapter 8 (and then chapter 9) made it out to ao3 before the heat death of the universe, probably (i was ready to delete it all and start over)!

i am profoundly grateful for her support and for yours, as well! i’m sorry things have been quiet — each time we’re on the same continent it’s a struggle to not cocoon entirely. we’re constantly reminded that our time together is limited and the urge to spend it together at the cost of everything (if not everyone) else is almost overwhelming. she’s still nudging me toward my laptop (and the one remaining unfinished scene of chapter 10) every chance she gets, though!

[mistyriousness]

(Okay fine, I gave in and drew his bangs properly)

Merry Christmas Eve Eve everyone! And Happy Holidays! And a lovely winter evening for our non-denominational friends! Decided to go ahead and post some content for the fandom I’ve been neglecting lately. Have a cheeky post-redemption Boris!

[babbushka]

Zannah's Holiday Card Extravaganza (2021!)

Hello hello my friends it is time once again for the annual holiday card season! I've been doing this with my friends for many years now -- and we're back at it again for 2021!

I know it's been a long year for a lot of us, many of us have suffered greatly through COVID, many of us are still feeling the direct effects of the ongoing pandemic, and I just want to spread some joy and cheer and my heartfelt gratitude for everyone in the form of a handwritten sentiment in a card sent from me to you!

Why am I putting this form out so early?? Because Hanukkah is in 12 DAYS! And I want to make sure my friends who celebrate get their cards in time!

Just to reiterate some FAQs:

You do not need to send me a card back. This is something I’ve been doing the past couple years that brings me a lot of joy in spreading the holiday cheer.

You do not need to be a mutual! If you’d like a card and we’ve never even spoken, I will send you a card :)

You do not need to provide your real name/full name. Privacy is of the utmost importance, especially for strangers on the web. Feel free to use your username, a false name, a nickname, whatever you'd like! I just need to have something to address the card with.

Similarly, I will need a legitimate address to send these to, but feel free to use a PO box or one of those mail holding locations if that’s an option available to you! And I promise, I delete everyone's information as soon as I address the envelope (for everyone's safety and also my own organization lol).

You do not need to celebrate Christmas to get a card. I will be more than happy to send you a Hanukkah, Christmas, or non-denominational winter’s greeting card!

You do not have to live in the United States! I will send a card anywhere 🌎🌍🌏

If I sent you a card last year, you will have to re-fill out this year’s form. I did not save anyone’s address from last year and will need that information again if you’d like a card!

Please fill out THIS form if you'd like me to send you a card!

**Please don't send any personal information through tumblr!**