#happy birthday to me.

[hsslilly-blog]

hiiiii can i come over and annoy you with no regards for your personal space???

[roseofstardust]

Anne Carson, Plainwater: Essays and Poetry//Succession //The last summer~ Sophia Somajo //Yellowjackets//Ribs~Lorde// The breakfast club (1985) // Little women (2019) // Class of 2013~ Mitski// Night changes~ One direction // when we were young~ Adele

[eggishponts]

so ollllld. so old. so Old.

[goldshadows]

this is the time i was born 🥹

[transexualpirate]

twenty minutes to go

six years ago i was hiding under the covers, sobbing, alone, my mother and stepfather next door talking about me, my grandmother in the room over, and i couldn't stop crying and blaming myself for being so stupid, promiscuous, shameless, gross, disgusting, evil.

(six years ago i was about to go to school and not see my "girlfriend" there, only to have the principal call me to tell me their mother has contacted the school and told them about our relationship and our conversation and providences would be taken. six years ago my parents were about to be called to school to talk about me being overly sexual, promiscuous, immature, predatory, transexual. what would follow would be a hellish rest of a year of strict monitoring with no privacy, fights, bullying, isolation, self destruction, guilty and disappointment which only got worse with time.)

now i am sleeping in my grandmother's house, she is in the room over, and my mother and stepdad sleep soundly next door, and i will be turning 19 in ten minutes. i have been on t in almost a year. i moved out. my mom is visiting me because i am in college now. i have my own apartment. i have my own life. i have projects i organized, i have good grades, i have friends, i have my name and sex legally changed, i cut off people i didn't want in my life, i have autonomy and freedom and i dont have half as much guilt or shame as i used to.

it still gets bad sometimes. it's not perfect. but it is so good.

i have a son. a beautiful, furry, small, trusting son who meows loudly when i get home, who relies on me, a healthy and smart and gorgeous son who is sleeping right next to my head, sharing my pillow, like he loves doing.

it's taken me six years, but i feel i am finally replacing the self hatred with radical acceptance.

it's hard.

but im starting to love myself. to trust myself. to defend and to care for and to understand myself.

i am miles away from that terrified kid turning thirteen and crying himself to sleep. that little kid trying not to show the guests at his own birthday party that everything is going wrong, that he wants to cry, that the shame, guilt and disappointment are breaking him down in ways be believed would be irremediable.

two minutes until midnight.

that little kid grew up, and he is so fucking proud of himself. despite all his flaws, that kid is happy to be who he is. that kid is right where he needs to be.

one minute to go

and i am right where i want to be, with who i want to be.

we're doing it, kid.

oh. my friend just texted me the happy birthday song!!!

[fishisoepic]

god i am SO CRAZY OVER TODAYS EPISODE. WHATTHWYHTBDHRGJEHTNSHRH WHAT THE FUCK !!! AAHAHHAHAHAHAHGSJRHHAHRHRGRHHRGRG

[articus-icecream]

Yall the internet box broke and it´s gonna get fixed in two weeks and I ran outta mobile data so I am currently writing this on my course

[lovelaceisntdead]

jinxed myself earlier by saying at least I'm not ill this year and now I feel fucking awful

[danieyells]

BREAST REDUCTION CONSULTATION SCHEDULED. . .EVEN IF THEY DON'T TAKE MY INSURANCE I THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO MANAGE PAYING FOR IT. THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN IT HAS TO HAPPEN IT HAS TO

[ebbiemunson]

I'm officially 30.

🙂

[madefate]

clarke also made me something beautiful ( &. cursed of course ) so i cannot wait to post it as a new promo

[the-old-man-has-the-phonebox]

All I wanted to do for my birthday. Was make my little knockoff Starbucks danishes.

But nooo, my mother had to use the cream cheese she knew wasn’t hers. God for-fucking bid I do something I enjoy today.

[ileaverosepetalsinmywake]

*cackles in Ruby*

Live footage of mun:

[thestarsaligne]

I'm officially 15 now. One year closer to death. Don't know if that means anything to anyone. At least I get to skip school tommorow.

My parents fought over buying my cake, celebrating my birthday, and deciding when to cut my cake, if we're inviting my friends, and the fact that my dad's going to work tommorow. That's a new record!

[clarulitas]

FRED ASTAIRE performs "You're All the World to Me" — Royal Wedding (1951) dir. Stanley Donen