#happens more often than you might think.
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sometimes people negatively criticizing DR will say things like "it must be bad writing otherwise it doesn't make sense why the ninja act differently in [DR situation] than they did in [MOS situation]" with no further justification for why that would be the case and it's like. my brother in spinjitzu the Situations are Different
#the core problem is really people believing good characterization is having a character act exactly the same in all situations#but in truth it's rare to see someone doggedly adhere to one way of going about things regardless of what's happening around them#i think this is worst when people want to believe the ninja have always cared more about each other than they have cared about their jobs#i get why you might adopt this belief. there are times when the ninja certainly have prioritized love for each other over saving the world#but much more often. much more FREQUENTLY. they have disregarded themselves for the sake of the world#so really no it is not that weird for the ninja NOW to be prioritizing the tournie over finding jay or finding arin's parents#just as it wasn't weird or ooc for kai to be hesitant to give up their powers in s9 for lloyd's sake#which was a thing people complained about too lol but i digress#dr spoilers#drs2 spoilers#Just for the tags tho lol
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little update on my love life hsksjsk
i ghosted and then sb’ed the lawyer guy on ig bc turns out he’s friends with that one psycho man i met a few months ago. i think the latter i only mentioned meeting but never gave tea on the fallout here. it was all fun and games until it wasn’t. he basically tried to be alpha with me and i was not having it LOL but each time i blocked him in one place he found another means to reach me but his options were limited to begin with so eventually he gave up and stopped bothering me. but like, man. digging up all of my socials just to tell me things like “you’re so cold to me whenever we’re not together physically. far from the eye, far from the heart — is this your game?” was the last straw. NO SIR I AM A HORRID TEXTER i don’t play mind games 😭 i just kept blocking him without even bothering to give a reply, it probably pissed him off sm LOL which wasn’t my intention, i just thought there was no point in wasting my time and energy on a man like that, i didn’t even want to clear out the misunderstanding like hello i have a life and ur not my priority 😭 his petty male ego was def hurt, what a dick
so when i found out they were friends my brain went ultra dramatic, i thought maybe the lawyer guy was a setup from the very start and that it was a carefully crafted method by the psycho guy to approach me again. naturally i got paranoid and that story is now over, nothing weird’s happened after that, thankfully
and— you rmr the hq guy? yeah, we’re forced to keep a professional relationship rn bc he often visits the office for work related purposes. today he came. twice. first for work, and then — to bring me sweet treats 😭 out of the blue, like way after his business was done 😭 we hadn’t talked after what happened last time so what’s this now 😭 why can’t men read the room 😭
#— ai rambles#i allow myself to ghost ppl if we’re not that close yet and it just saves us both all the uncomfortable and unnecessary talk of#‘i’m not interested in you ok bye’#also men often mixing politeness with flirty intentions drives me crazy#last one is about the hq guy#like ur my client ofc i will not be an ass to you 😭#DURING A BUSINESS MEETING 😭😭😭😭 get a grip#thank you for the chocolates but 😭 what the hell 😭#ALSOOO#i ran into the lawyer guy after the ghosting and it was decent#we both said hi to each other and that was all#maybe i read too much into it and maybe he’s got no idea i once hooked up w the psycho guy who also happens to be his friend 😭#but what are the odds 😭#men like gossip more than women TRUST so i don’t think it was a pure coincidence…..i think he knew 😭#i have a hunch and i might be wrong but i feel more comfortable staying clear of him
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What am I doing in the jayvik ship tag I DON'T EVEN SHIP THEM-
It's the art
It's always the goddamn art
#especially the season 2 one#cuz I'm a sucker for this type of religious (can I say reverent? etheral? transcendental?) art#might sound weird but it's also connected to sailor moon if you think about many of the images especially from the manga#it's just so freaking good#just so we're clear I don't mind the ship#I don't really have any in arcane so I'm fine with most of them#and whatever's happening with these two is so messed up well-written and great it makes me cry inside#I know the art is often intended as romantic first and foremost but the form is just *chef's kiss*#so it's kinda more important to me than the fact a ship is involved (I'm justifying it as if it was sth bad XD)#also yes it's probably beacause it's mainly viktor fanart; I have my favourites#also also I have like 2 presentations to make for uni WHAT AM I DOING AT 2 AM LOOKING AT THE SHIP I DON'T SHIP#anyway#my point is: god bless artists#people are so talented#jayvik#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane season 2#mine#you know what I mean
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Live footage of Ovenbreak, Monkie Kid, and Dandadan teaming up to kidnap me from my kingdom content
#cookie run#cookie run ovenbreak#cookie run kingdom#dandadan#lego monkie kid#lmk#this happens more often than you might think
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“dean winchester is a misogynist because he lies to women to get them to sleep with him and therefore clearly doesn’t respect them”
then you actually watch the show and every time dean sleeps with a woman he’s soft and there’s a gentleness even in his passion and he always makes sure his partner’s satisfied/comfortable and he does form genuine connections with the women he sleeps with even if he lies about his name and job (which is completely understandable and actually the sane thing to do considering most of america knows him as a serial killer and there’s not a lot of people around who’d bother talking to a guy who claims he hunts monsters for a living) (or for fun ig since there’s not a lot of ‘living’ in this profession) and he spends time getting to know them and offers the little bits of himself that he can and most of the time that dean has sex with a woman he sleeps over and they see him off in the morning with a goodbye kiss and genuine affection for him and if they ever run into him again they’re clearly fond and look back on their shared memories with satisfaction if nothing else and. this is the guy who doesn’t respect women? how? by believing they are adults who can want and enjoy a night of sex with no strings attached (something he’s always straightforward about btw)?? and more importantly it’s always consensual and they like him as a person and they’re clearly both enthusiastic about it (in fact there’s actually instances where dean isn’t completely enthusiastic but never the other way around).
also any time he’s been in a serious relationship where he was going to be a part of the other person’s life he tells them the whole truth, about hunting and monsters and his role in it and what being with him would entail. so i’d say he respects women just fine but maybe you need to seriously evaluate why you feel having casual sex with women is inherently disrespectful of them.
not to mention that the sex does mean something to him. even if he didn’t it wouldn’t be “wrong” or “misogynistic” to want to have sex with a woman without a relationship BUT. the sex does mean something to him. because he craves intimacy and human contact and affection and being liked and wanted and so often when he’s going through something he’ll open up to these women (jaime, anna) and they’re willing to listen to him without judgment and they’re gentle with him, with his grief, his trauma and the sex is a way for him to connect on a deeper level with them and it helps him and he’s spent almost his entire life isolated from society and can’t form long lasting relationships for much of his childhood and youth but he actually cares about them as human beings and he feels affection for them and it fulfills his desire for tenderness that he can’t expect from anyone else. and there’s nothing wrong with any of that.
#this has to be one of the dumbest things i’ve seen people say about it#i mean sure it raises some questions about consent#but even when he lies about his job he never pretends to be a different person than who he is#what you see is what you get with him#and even when he lies about his job with#motive (???) beyond that. information or just flirting (although let’s be honest it’s the former WAY more often than the latter) he never#actually has sex with someone who he thinks might want to sleep with him just because of his job.#that has never happened#sometimes he just likes playing different parts because it’s fun#and there’s nothing wrong with that either#and he isn’t the only character on spn who’s done this so why is this question only raised when it comes to dean?#and#some of y’all straight up have a weird relationship with sex#supernatural#dean winchester#dean and sex#dean meta#.txt
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Oh hi there transfem discussing her experience in the trans community i just had a quick question about your post
What does tme mean?
Oh okay i see i understand, thank you.
What does transmisogyny mean?
Ah I see, I get it.
What's a trans woman?
Oof scary. One last question.
What's a woman?
Thank you for being my own personal google (not like you had anything better to do right?) and derailing the point of your post for my own personal education. I will now add nothing of value to this post in return. Bye bye!
#channel 3#ignore me i'm bitching#it's just like. somehow the word tme/tma magnetizes people who refuse to do a second of thinking EVERY SINGLE TIME#like on one hand i almost feel bad for bitching#because generally if someone is unaware enough to ask theyre probably not aware of the precedent of multiple tme people asking on every post#what tme/tma means#BUT ALSO it happens so often it straight up feels like it's intentional#and like even if you don't want to look it up i feel like it's easy to guess by context clues#but like regardless of that#could you imagine going to literally any other discussion like that and asking them to define basic terms#'hi thank you for sharing your math thesis with us. just one question what does that t shaped symbol mean? this one: +'#'hi thank you for your in depth analysis of whether the cubs win this year. just one question. what's baseball'#'hi thank you for this in depth character analysis. just one question. what's a book?'#like in all of these cases we can agree that either a. they're a bad actor or b. they're not doing the bare minimum to engage with the post#why is it that people think it's still okay to do that on posts by transfeminists? (<- knows the answer)#(also i'm sure this also happens to cisfeminists but i think more people know better than that now)#like. if you do this i don't think you're evil or like transmisogyny incarnate or whatever but like. in the nicest way#i want you to think through what you expected to happen with. like sincerely and ask yourself was this productive to anyone#did this add anything of use to the post or to anyone else#explaining tme/tma doesn't add use to the post because transfems have explained it billions of times elsewhere#and knowing what it means is generally the bare minimum for interacting with a post discussing transmisogyny#so who does it help to ask? further who does it hurt to ask? in what context might my question be taken?#whagever who give a shit
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finding out some rando i’ve never heard of has me blocked, always leaves me wanting to do some detective work 🕵️♂️
#who are youuuu??#what did i do to piss you off?#tell me your secrets#bork bork!#this used to happen more often but you still happens more than you might think
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happy 1 year anniversary to the election results that were so fucked they had me trying to take my mind off of things by watching what seemed like a toxic chinese queerbait show only to find something far more thoughtful and genuinely queer and interesting than expected and end up watching a bunch more unrelated things that are talked about in vaguely the same realms of the internet and then watch bad buddy twice in a row and fall into an endless bingewatch of thai media (some of which is mediocre, some of which is bad, much of which is simply pretty good, and some of which is genuinely incredible) and go, well, it would be a waste of all this language input i'm accidentally giving myself right now if i didn't at least learn a few words. thus accidentally locking myself into watching even more thai media because now i gain serotonin from hearing a sentence i know i could write
#this is about the dutch general elections of 2023. i know another election is probably still on most people's minds#it feels WILD that it's only been a year. and at the same time. the government they eventually formed based on those votes#is still hanging in there. and it feels like THAT's been going on for way longer than a year#*#ah well in happier news! i think it's the way part of me is forever roaming the internet in 2011#but even when a BL (or GL! which is finally picking up!) series is bad. or just boring.#there is something in me that can't help but go !! oh my god? there's a hundred of these out there??#and we can argue definitions and representation and fetishization. but there are So Many queer people working on them these days#and not all but many of these stories are insightful and kind and clever and have a very queer beating heart inside of them#(and there's also something to be said for queer trash tv. that has a place! but i won't get into it)#and this is really truly only a thing of the past few years!!! this did not exist when i was a teen!!!#i'm still so young but i'm EASILY old enough to remember that. and now All Of That is just out there. often on youtube for free#if you are a teen TODAY you don't need to pick between settling for watching tara die on btvs. watching ianto die on torchwood#or watching queer as folk. which is not a knock on qaf but it's not necessarily tv for teens#instead there's like. dozens of queer people on modern western tv! there are ever more queer movies where nobody dies!#and there's just a goddamn fucking impossible-to-watch-in-one-lifetime amount of guaranteed happy end BL series out there#and it's insane!!! that is insane to me!!!#and is also maybe a good thing to remember in current times. things can and do change for the better#sometimes in ways you might not expect. sometimes you might not even know it's happening. but it does
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oh btw since i didn’t get to add him in the post earlier because i literally ran out of room: kaiser’s stability levels noticeably decrease even further when he misses me. he’s exponentially cuntier but also has moments where he’s so silent that people are like... afraid lmfao
he tries to throw himself into plays so extra hard until he’s overdoing it and/or having a meltdown because he screwed up until noa or someone calls me like “how quickly can we arrange to get you here???”
#ss: michael#i feel like this happens so often that he’s eventually just not allowed to be away from me for more than a specific amount of time#like i HAVE to be there. even if i’m not even totally near him or able to speak to him#everyone’s afraid he might actually kill someone. or himself.#it’s a progressive mental spiral of having every shitty thought about himself#because not only is he competing against everyone to be the best at soccer#but he also feels like he’s constantly competing against the entire world for ME. to be the one i see as no. 1#and if he’s not there to try and prove himself for like every waking moment then he’s eventually going to lose. and i won’t love him anymore#(this is false. but he literally doesn’t know how to do or think anything else)#it’s the deeply ingrained self-worth and abandonment issues <3 we’re working on it#he’s my little anxious cheetah. and i’m his emotional support golden retriever. lover. mother. thing#like i don’t even really have to say or do anything he can just look at me and be like ‘ah. yes. i am Normal.’#(as normal as possible for him)#anyways. if you need me i’ll be jumping off a cliff
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Office support staff protip: when a client (or someone who seems like a client) calls and acts like you should know who they are but you then have no record of them, refer to it in your notes as The Mystery of [Client Name], The [Client Name] Puzzle, or any other thing that conjures up an image of a literary detective. It improves a frustrating experience immensely.
#kaesa op#🌿#this happens more often than you might think#herb's memory is not good and we have a bajillion clients so he just assumes he's forgotten them also#and plays along like you do at parties when someone recognizes you but you maybe don't recognize them
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I have a friend who isnt like... super outspoken anti but defin holds their beliefs. DMC is their FAVORITE game series and it's consistently SO weird to me how they are able to ignore/deny the incestuousness of it all. Quote "It's WEIRD how incest is so common in this fandom, it's GROSS, nobody understands their relationship (talking abt d and v) like i do lmao". Like???? What are you gettiing at? Them saying they "understand" the brother's relationship honestly makes me kind of worried abt what they consider normal...
Yeaahhh, honestly sounds like either good old fashioned delusion or like they're making up a different canon in their head to support their interpretation/beliefs. And while that's not necessarily bad on its own, when you lose sight of what you've made up as your own hc and what's actually there and start attacking others for interacting with the source material as is, well, obviously that's not ok lol. Hope you can distance yourself from them anon, trying to keep "friends" like that is often way more trouble than it's worth.
#asks#speaking from experience obviously#granted they might ACTUALLY have some reality issues like you suggested where they actually think what is on the screen as it is#is perfectly normal irl. which yeah would be concerning#but tbh ime people like that are more often than not just consuming media with blinders on and only ever seeing what they want to see#and then getting mad at other people's interpretations#i don't really do trigun these days but reminds me of that one anti who was a self proclaimed knives stan#who genuinely had no idea what had happened in ep11 of stampede bc they werent paying attention to the plot just the action#and once they rewatched and took in that the text was LITERALLY knives trying to metaphorically knock up his brother they were disgusted#and had to loudly and publicly declare they no longer liked knives or anything he stood for lol#so there might be some of that happening
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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yuri (ime)'s allergy to butches is kind of funny to me. the two genders of sapphic are long hair and bob
#it also pains me greatly but i do think there's yuri out there with more masc characters i just. havent found it yet orz#NOTE: MY YURI EXPERIENCE IS PRETTY LIMITED SO YKNOW. GRAIN OF SALT#im discovering i think i have a 'gay guy alienated by bl' thing about gl unfortunately#like it's not bad i just think im going into it with too much investment in it as Representation and/or Wish Fulfillment#as primed by how we (broadly) discuss rep and how ppl are typically supposed to enjoy romance media#in ways i haven't quite managed to overcome yet#it's also a lot of other factors too that are probably too complex for tags but include like..#preferring media where romantic/sexual tension remains unresolved which yk doesn't tend to happen in yuri bc it's defined by its resolution#to some extent. preferring media where ppl beat each other up intricate rituals style and media shying away from that with women.#finding female characters to often be filtered through acceptable types of weird/attractive with results i tend to find unappealing#(theyre not allowed to be weird so much as adorkable)#and in general just not bumping into the What Is Wrong With You Guys (/captivated) thing i prefer to see in characters and dynamics#AGAIN i think the answer is not to stop consuming gl (or sapphic media broadly bc many of these problems hold true#for my feelings about western sapphic media) but instead to adjust my methods to better find what i like#because i DO go fucking nuts for sapphic shit pretty often it's just like. most of the stuff i see recommended in cute little lists#is not that. so i must get into the thick of it bc i find a lot of it to be sort of.. emotionally tepid#i need higher stakes and weirder girls!! i think the answer might also be to read more manga bc manga's cheaper to make and thus less risky#so weirder stuff is probably gonna get okayed for manga than for anime. i guess#oh also i mean. some of it is also internalized misogyny. i can't tell to what extent obv but i know thats gotta be a part of it yk#in finding male characters more compelling or whatever. like how much of my trouble with female characters is from their Genuinely Being#Written Worse/Less Human/Less Goofy and how much of it is merely me not seeing their goofiness bc of bias is impossible for me to tell#but i know that both are in play to some extent at all times. yeah 👍#anyway ive found that stuff with psychological and intense subtextual elements reeeeally cook me properly#(need to finish d.ear brother i need to i need to)#ultimately i think i might just need to consume more women-centric media to find noncanon pairs but my luck with that has been kinda bad tbh#im just not getting that itch scratched. so every once in a while i need to complain about it and sigh real deep and then get back to it#but i am sick of media (broadly) only having like. gender conforming femmes. no hate to them irl but that is Not what all dykes look like!!#it's untapped potential and it hurts my feelings and it's unrealistic!!! yeah#if manga exists of buff women bloodying each other up homoerotically i would pay one billion dollars to read it. that is all.#like if there's a yuri equivalent of bara PLEASE. POINT ME THATAWAY. I BEG YOU
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Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain
#not that I have access to ultra hardcore stuff#but even when I had... pretty sure it was vicodine for my wisdom teeth; it didn't do a thing for me#cbd based stuff seems like it maybe helps; certainly does more than nsaids which do nothing for pain (great for inflammation though)#but I just... I'd really like something that actually makes my muscles and joints feel like... good; unpain#I'm sure it would be classified as addictive whatever it was but like... fuck man... I just want to not hurt#I can't tell if I have chronic pain cause... I kinda forget to pay attention when I'm hurting a lot of the time#I'll just... kinda realize I've been hurting bad all day and just not really focusing on it#and I also don't know how often it happens; if it's once a day or once a month or what; not great at noting that stuff down#but man... I don't even like most meds; so many meds either do nothing for me or make me feel like shit#like... benedril? however you spell it; someone gave me some once said it would help me sleep... help me be awake feeling like ass more lik#but like... love to see if muscle relaxants actually like... relaxed my muscles; but you get it; you get why I'll never be able to try it#though honestly I think therapeutic massage might help me a lot#but my doc says that really only gets authorized by physical therapy and... well for me physical therapy is useless#cause I forget to do the exercise; like it's me failing a physical therapy; not a probably with physical therapy#if I ever think I can keep up with it I'd love to try physical therapy for my back again; but I don't want to waste all my chances at it#not when... I descriptively didn't do it when I was in it before; I'd never remember to do any of the exercises#anyway; bonus story from when I was in urgent care when the infection came back (that's still never been solved)#I tell the doc 'last time it tore open a drainage hole it was the worst pain I've ever felt'... cause it was#I said 'I'll need something a bit stronger than an nsaid cause the nsaid did nothing but cut inflammation last time'#she's like 'don't worry; I got you'... wanna guess what she gave me? a newer nsaid#it didn't do shit; I was just lucky and it wasn't as painful... maybe the old drainage hole tore open easier this time#but I didn't even take the nsaid she prescribed; so I'm gonna say it wasn't that med helping#like I get it; you don't want to give opioids... and would it shock you to know that wasn't what I was looking for either#there's gotta be something between nsaid and fentynol man#...well... maybe the cdb has almost got my muscles... hurting less at least; only taken all this time I've been writing#they still hurt for sure... I don't know... get tired; you know?#mm tag so i can find things later
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