#handmade ✋

[kingnutcompany]

Sending warm wishes for abundant hope, peace, and heaps of Christmas joy! 🎄🍪 Don’t forget to leave some nuts for Santa tonight; he’s on his way! 🎅 #FestiveGreetings

[alcrego]

How do you make all these amaizing particles scenes? Is there a program you use or are you programing these? Id like to make similar things to these someday but idk where to start

Thanks a lot for the kind words, truly appreciated! 🙏😌

All the animations I do are created entirely with After Effects.

I'm aware that people usually confuse my work as 'generative' or 'code based' art, but is not, I know nothing about code...😅

All is motion design, millimetrically calculated.

Digital Artisanry, handmade.✋

[artytaeh]

mattheo actually craves love and attention, if you give him a egg with silly eyes drawn on them he will be attached to it like its his kid

regulus would love poems, idk if its common sense at this point but for me Regulus is REALLY into literature

draco would love hair dye

blaise would love that little handmade gifts that has the spotify thing to use the qr code on, he's really into music, change my mind

UNIRONICALLY, i feel like mattheo is one of my favorite incorrect quotes. it doesn't matter if it's silly, or would give him a slightly less tough, masculine look; mattheo quickly becomes attached to whatever you gave him and proudly brags that it's his. a present from you. to HIM.

mattheo: what's this bullshit?

reader: ah, you don't have to keep it—

mattheo: [hugging whatever you gave him close to his chest, turning his body to shield it from your grasp] back off. it's mine now.

⭑ ⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

as for regulus, you gave me an epiphany?! that sounds so much like him. regulus + love poems made my heart ache in a strange way ☹️✋ nevermind what he says, i know that regulus would be able to write the most gut wrenching, painfully beautiful poem ever. tragically beautiful type of writing.

⭑ ⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

draco receiving hair dye made me laugh because at first he'd be offended. would look at you as if you had rapped a whole song insulting his family, from his ancestors to his future children.

(he'd still keep the hair dye. no way in hell is he wasting it.)

but depending on how close you are to him, and if you don't make jokes about him bleacing his hair, draco would be so grateful. specially if you bought it because you noticed that his stock was nearly ending. to him, it's the fact that you payed such close attention, and care for him.

⭑ ⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

AND YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT BLAISE. i totally see him as the type of person that has ten different playlists, for ten different things.

playlist to make out, playlist to shower, playlist while he's working out, another one to study too. would make you a playlist for your first month together, and even one with songs meant to cheer you up, if you're going through a rough week.

would love it if you made a playlist about your favorite songs, because that allows him to discover more songs that he might like, while also getting to know you better. 🗯️

[yaxinqs]

spoilers for xavier's 3rd anecdote and "fun handmade" in the time tour event i guess??

i need to sob over this real quick feel free to skip i'm just writing my thoughts & reaction down ;w;

i read this and like what do you mean we made a star pendant AGAIN but in this reincarnation...

and then the talk about it being a lucky charm when in the anecdote they were talking about wishing upon a star which is also mentioned,,,, also the charm being identical to the one xavier already has is so cute they're matching wahhh

and what do you mean you coincidentally made a wooden sword??? and he gives it to us too so xavier has had a wooden sword with a star pendant and now we have one as well,,,

and right after he says this oh my godddd

i immediately thought of xavier's shooting star that "made a promise to us" in the anecdote

i thought this event was supposed to be fun and cute but THIS conversation in particular just has me crying fr if i was xavier it would've been a pang in the heart like... that feeling of déjà-vu (combined with everything else we know about xavier's lore involving mc) would give me a whole rollercoaster of emotions ✋

also linkon mc being similar (with the whole star pendant stuff and other) to the others but not QUITE is so??????? it's like same character different font and i'm living for it, it's so wholesome to think about

[rainykittydeer-blog]

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[countsmoon]

poly relationship headcannons with jace and luke with reader!!

Summary: A request from @daenyraa thru dm :]

Warnings: teeth-rotting fluff, possible spelling mistakes :(

Psst: this is really all over the place so i apologise!! I was just running with all the good ideas. The request said cousin!reader but i just couldn't find a good way to fit that in, sorry :(( Also i haven't had any motivation to write lately so thats why this took so long 😭✋ and its also been shadowbanned from the tags so i had that to worry about

Word count: 500>

Being in a relationship with both jace and luke is like having two very excitable puppies following you around

Like, you'll be walking around and suddenly see two heads peaking round the corner staring at you like 👁👁 we want attention

You've just accepted your fate at this point

At dinner because obviously you're having dinner with them, they've squished you between them. Luke is on your left and jace is on your right

You have to fight to be able to eat cause they both want to hold your hands 24/7

They don't limit the fight to just dinner either, they're having little battles over you all day and night

Especially when its cuddle time.

The boys have almost developed a sixth sense for when its cuddle time istg. they go running to find you to just pull you away from what you're doing so you all can cuddle

It works by you laying flat with one boy on one side and the other on your other side. Luke is normally closer to your neck and jace is just a bit under

When you cuddle, lucerys would very much appreciate some hair playing and freckle tracing, he finds it very soothing n honestly who r you to say no??

Jacaerys also likes hair playing but instead of freckle tracing, he likes you tracing random shapes into his neck/back

When you do however, he sometimes gets really ticklish and those are the times you and luke gang up on him and cause tickle fights #sorrynotsorrybitch

If you're feeling down, the boys immediately pull out all the guns. I'm talking playing with and riding vermax and arrax, getting your favourite snacks and drinks and creating a massive pillow fort for the three of you

Rhaenyra has stumbled upon the three of you past out on hot chocolate too many times to remember them all

They love giving gifts!! Jacaerys will give you personalized clothes for you and lucerys gets jewellery made (if you like that sort of thing). If you are a knight lr in the royal guard, they get a sword handmade out of valyrian steel for you with lots of gold a rubies absolutelyjealous

Like i said earlier, you go riding with arrax and vermax so often, you live more in the dragon keep then in the castle tbh

When riding, you have a way of keeping the dragons and boys not jealous. One ride you ride with jace and vermax and on another ride its with luke and arrax.

You have aced the skill of keeping everyone happy and not petty >:)

Summary: the boys love you more than life itself and are simps <33

[psychics4unet]

Great day, if only allowed to get a free reading~

May I ask what skills do I have that I can use to make a profit/living?

Thank you for the time and energy, God bless ❣️ -nik

Free Psychic Reading By Egyptian Sand! (7$ PAID READINGS ARE ALSO OPENED!) 🌟💕

As I delve into the sand, three symbols appear that reveal the skills you can harness to make a profit or living.

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The second symbol takes the form of a tree 🌳, representing growth and nurturing. This indicates that you possess skills in areas related to creativity, whether it's in art, writing, gardening, or even cooking. Nurturing your creative talents can lead to opportunities for freelance work, selling handmade goods, or offering workshops.

The third symbol appears as a pair of hands ✋🤚, symbolizing craftsmanship and service. This signifies that you have practical skills that can be monetized. Whether it’s crafting, repairing, or providing a service, you can turn your hands-on abilities into a source of income.

✨ Summary: The compass represents your skill in guiding others, suggesting opportunities in coaching or consulting. The tree symbolizes your creative talents, which could lead to profitable ventures in arts or crafts. The hands indicate practical skills you can monetize through services or craftsmanship. Embrace these abilities, and you'll find ways to generate income! 💪🌟✨

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[ventrue-in-control]

✋ I can fit in a duffle bag already if I want to :) but purse! - DH (Fish)

Ure not a purse puppy. ure a street dog. but so am I so its fine.

I bestow upon u the highest of compliments:

handmade fish bag.

[websterss]

ethan is just sooooo boyfriend coded… imagine reader and him having matching costumes 2 the party ☹️ since he’s already a knight he would BEG you to be dress up as a princess for him… would be calling you “my princess” OR “your majesty” ALL NIGHT TOO. HES JUST SOOOOO UGHHHH -🪷 i’m about to annoy the shit out of you here. i’m sorry 🙏🏻

AHHH YESS🥹😭 omg that’d be fucking cute. I feel like people around you would catch onto his handmade costume and appreciate it more too. Calling you princess plssss🤧✋ Asdfghjkl. He is so boyfriend coded man UGGHHH😫🥲

Don’t be sorry babes 🫶

[rangamaati2015]

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[fluidstatick]

Riz gets a Leonard Cohen style downtempo thing about how he's gonna miss his mom and his detective work, but he gets to see his dad more, so it's not all bad. Halfway through it turns into a SOAD style hardcore banger about Hell's Sickest Shrimp Rager.

Fabian's is about dancing, and bloodrush, and Bill gets a rap verse about his son being the Ultimate Legend. Fig plays a guitar solo with her teeth.

Kristen's has big Alanis Morisette energy. Power chords, a half yodeled lyric about doubt and chaos and righteous revenge, a barely related free verse tangent in the bridge about corn and betrayal.

Gorgug's is experimental IDM, featuring a synth he built himself out of junk teleported to hell from the Thistlespring's garage. There's very few lyrics. "Are you my dad? Am I my dad? Even cowgirls, yeah, even cowgirls get the blues."

Adaine's is just spoken word, as suggested above, and yeah, the house remix (Gorgug's creation on that sick handmade synth) goes Hard. ~✋🎤stop 🛑 telling ��� them 👉 I'm 🧝‍♀️✨ DEAD💀🔊🔥🎵💃 🎸🎷🕺🎶💥~

"Adaine will outlive her friends" "Fig as an Archdevils will outlive her friends" wrong, all their friends die and they demand to go to hell. They spend their afterlives in the Bottomless Pit surrounded by moshpits. Adaine swings by once a week for movie nights. She livestreams their funerals and they rank their eulogies.

[artytaeh]

OH I READ YOUR POST WRONG, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ABOUT HANDMADE GIFTS

ahem, correcting myself

mattheo would love funny gifts, the ones that mean a inside joke from both of you or that are simply silly and funny to both of you

regulus would love receive new books that he never even knew about, and I fear he would ask you to read out to him (and forcing you to have voices to each character!)

blaise would love getting clothes, especially If they are a silly little sweater that you crocheted, or those 'i love my girlfriend' t-shirts, If you printed your face all over on a shirt he would wear it proudly 🫡

flowers would be cute but mattheo riddle, to me, has such a hard time giving gifts to other people he cares about.

flowers are cool and sweet— but what if you're allergic to these specific flowers and you don't know about it? what if you dislike these the most?

alright, then maybe clothes— no, he might get you something that you'll hate, and wear it out of pity. then, maybe a plushie? or some sort of jewelry? mattheo panics that you'll secretly hate them too. he's terribly insecure about it.

( theodore and lorenzo came to hogsmeade with him in the morning once, to offer some emotional support. they only left hogsmeade late at evening, because theodore was ten seconds away from punching mattheo— almost dinner time, and mattheo fucking riddle is still picking a bloody gift. even lorenzo had given up on helping him. 😭✋ )

so really, i think that mattheo would find safety on getting gifts that only the two of you understand. besides, your laughter is his favorite sound; so it's a win-win situation! he feels less insecure about gifting you something that makes you laugh.

and mattheo absolutely loves to receive these gifts too, like you said! he'd have a whole shelf dedicated to it, i promise you.

⭑ ⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

you cannot tell me that regulus wouldn't have a full bookshelf organized by color or alphabetical order. screw that, regulus would have his own complex way to neatly organize his books, a system that he had told you about, and quite frankly— after ten minutes of passionate explanation, as if organizing them that way was logical, you...

... you failed to understand it at all. but smile and nod, guys. smile and nod.

i feel like the habit you mentioned — having regulus requesting you to read out loud for him — would start as a way to compromise. as in, this situation was the way you found to solve an argument.

reading is something that regulus enjoys a lot; if you argued that he rarely spent time with you, regulus would try to mix both pleasures together— his reading time, and the quality time he spends with you, his beloved.

besides, he loves your voice. would give you a book, and lay his head on your chest (be it laying on top of you on his stomach, or resting his back on your torso, body between your legs, half-reading the paragraphs as well).

would be such a brat about it too. doesn't have any shame to show his exigency regarding his reading experience.

regulus: not like that. that voice doesn't suit her character, it's supposed to sound elegant.

reader: but i—

regulus: and she has an accent too. it was mentioned two chapters ago, so you have to make an accent too.

⭑ ⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

once again you're so right about blaise. i feel like that man would leave his bed, sweatpants and a tshirt that proudly states: I ︎♥︎ MY GIRLFRIEND, with a heart shaped photo of the two of you.

the stares he receives from his friends. it's even funnier because blaise looks completely unbothered— if he notices the look on their faces, he'll smile smugly at them: 'what, jealous?', and will call them loveless & bitchless if one. single. mean. comment. leaves their mouths.

would have a mug with your face printed there. even better if blaise finds a way to add multiple photos to the same mug. the proudest boyfriend ever, wants everyone to know that you date him, and that he's obsessed with his mamas.

now, crocheted blankets or sweaters are his treasures. should the slytherin common room be endangered, blaise takes your crocheted stuff before he leaves. would lose it if you had sprayed your perfume on a blanket you crocheted— my man won't ever wash it.

on your last ask you mentioned that blaise is really into music! so imagine having you crocheting those two green leaves (help idk how to explain it. 💔) that people put on their headphones. blaise would beam with that.

[makemyheartcalmer]

tags for searchin'

👤 human art

🌈 colorful art

💻 digital art

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🍃 misc nature art

🟪 abstract art

✨ fan art

🤍 limited palette art

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🗝️ old-ass art (~pre-1900)

✋ crafts/handmade

📷 photography

⚙️ tutorials/tips/misc

[jsdeee]

Hi! I love hot nights and my wife supports me in this and decided to give me a gift bought lingerie unusual and very interesting collar and cuffs I liked it madly, she bought on a good site we will be there a lot more to order.

[calumxkisses]

Heather | c.h.

pairing: calum hood x reader

genre: angst

warnings: none

summary: - request: I got an idea for a fic: cal dating the reader to make someone jelous ✋😩 I wanna make myself cry. You can end it fluff or angst.

a/n: do people even read these? i hope you enjoy the pain :)

you should read this while listening to: heather by conan gray and/or traitor by olivia rodrigo.

➳

The warm air completely envelops you as soon as you enter the house, the temperature is much higher than the autumn cold that accompanied you on your way up there. Taking a taxi would have been much easier, you would have saved yourself from the cold you’ll get, but the temperatures are still tolerable and you want to take advantage of these last warm days before the winter cold.

The music is loud as you walk down the main corridor looking around for familiar faces, you remove your coat while admiring the beautiful handmade decorations and while trying to find your way around the majestic house: it’s wonderful but mysterious as a labyrinth; the house is made of wood inside, huge boards decorate the ceiling with geometric shapes and the colored party lights reflects on the clothes of the guests. Everyone is dressed in white, whether it is a long dress or a shirt, the theme is very clear and in contrast with the dark colors of the house.

As soon as you arrive in the hall, in the distance, you see the figure of your boyfriend. His tanned skin brings out the light color of his shirt as he frantically moves his hands in an attempt to make Andy understand something. His hair, curly as ever, falls on his face in front of his eyes but he is too engaged in the conversation to move it. Next to him, a female figure is sitting on the sofa and her heels lie at the foot of the armchair, while her bare feet are crossed.

It doesn't take him long to turn around and notice you, like he feels like you are there. His lips hint at a smile as he turns completely in your direction. His rings reflect the colored lights as he raises his hand to shake it, miming a “hi” with his lips.

You smile back as the music stops playing for a second and the butterflies in your stomach start their own concert at the sight of him standing there and looking at you.

Calum steps towards you, cupping your face in his warm hands as soon as he’s in front of you and pressing his soft lips down onto yours.

The room starts spinning as you feel his tongue against yours, his lips pressing onto yours in a kiss that could make time stop.

You feel his stubble tickle your skin, his thumb stroking your cheek softly.

When you finally pull away to catch your breath, you notice his eyes scanning the room, looking for something, a space where to breathe maybe, and you take his hand in yours, holding it tightly to reassure him. Crowded places have never been his favorite place to be, his anxiety gets higher when there's too many people around him and your presence always seems to make him feel better.

“Let’s go grab a drink, love.” He whispers into your ear, moving a tuft of hair behind it and kissing briefly your neck. A small moan leaves your mouth and Calum smiles at you pleased before going towards the bar.

This house looks like a club from how many people are here and you need to be careful to not bump into anybody while you walk to the kitchen. You’ve never enjoyed this kind of parties, too many people gathered in a small place, too many judging eyes and not enough room to breathe, but having your friends always by your side makes everything more tolerable and fun, knowing that they’ve your back and are ready to dance all night with you.

Luke is standing close to the table, he’s holding an empty red cup as he squeezes you in a quick hug before handing Calum a cup.

“Oh, I missed you.” Crystal approaches with open arms before holding you in a thigh hug. You haven't seen your friends for two days and it seems like an eternity has passed. There is such a close bond between you, such a deep relationship based on love, trust and all your adventures.

It's funny to think that, just a few years ago, you were desperate at the idea that you would have spent your life alone, without friends. You remember the way you used to hide under the sheets, in the dark of your bedroom, and spent your school nights watching youtube videos about friendships, with your heart breaking with each frame and the tears slowly running down your face, while you thought about what you could have done to not deserve such a life.

A feeling so maliconic, a period of your life so dark that, every time a memory of one of those nights resurfaces in your mind, your chest still hurts for a few seconds.

But now, as you make your way back to the living room, surrounded by the laughter of your friends, by their stares to see if anyone is left behind as they make sure they get enough chairs for everyone, your heart is beating normally again, and the pain of many years ago is just an unpleasant memory, a pain you went through to get to the wonderful moment of your life where you are now.

Your father always used to repeat: “One day you will laugh about all this pain.” as he held you tightly in his arms and kissed you in your hair, wiping every tear that fell during those terrible nights. You remember the way you rolled your eyes at him as you thought about how stupid and false those words were, how you were convinced that there was no light for you at the end of the dark tunnel you were passing through.

Still, if there's one good thing old age brings, it's wisdom, and your dad, as funny and playful as he was, was smart and serious enough to tell you the truth. And, as Calum tells you to sit on his lap to make room for the others, you mentally make a note to call your dad to thank him for giving you such a great lesson and, maybe, to ask him to give you some more life lessons while you help him fix whatever machine broke in your parent’s house.

Your friends, Calum, they saved you.

As you sit on your boyfriend's lap and lean against his chest, crossing your legs and placing your head on his shoulder, the world seems to stop and everything seems to be in the right place. In the chaos of the party, you feel in absolute peace, almost like you’re in heaven or, at least, that’s how you imagine it.

His hand moves up and down your bare leg as he laughs at a joke made by Michael. His other hand rests on your side, surrounding your back, and no other place, not even that beach house or that apartment in your favorite city that you dream of so much, will ever make you feel at home like this situation and these people.

The group is sitting in a circle, there are people who have only recently joined it and there are those who have been part of it for a lifetime, but you blindly trust each of them with your whole life. You know that they will always take care of you - like you do of them - and that they will always be close to you. Especially the guy who is holding you tight, as his scent invades your nostrils and his body warms yours during this autumn evening.

You gently kiss his cheek as you listen to Luke telling how rehearsals went over the week. Everyone is focused on listening carefully, but Calum is distracted looking around, not paying attention to the way your brows move in a questioning look. A strange sensation goes through your body, an occurrence that has happened often lately, but you swallow the lump in your throat as you try to push the anxiety out of your mind.

Two hours seem to pass in a flash as your laughter echoes in the room, almost surpassing the volume of the music. Your glasses are almost empty but your smiles are not the result of alcohol, but of embarrassing situations and stories that ended badly. You are still sitting on your boyfriend's lap as your hand holds Crystal's hand, sitting next to you. It’s a habit you have shared for some time, you love to hold each other’s hand for the simple pleasure of always feeling connected, a habit that reassures the both of you of the presence of the other.

Calum's thumb still gently strokes your leg as he’s lost in thoughts, staring up in front of him with his mind elsewhere. He participated in a few stories and his laugh warmed your heart a few times but, like every time there are many people around you, he disassociated himself from some conversations and took a few minutes to calm down, taking deep breaths and closing in on himself, only to be able to laugh again at some stupid joke a few moments later.

You know how much he needs these little moments for him and, as much as your heart tightens to see him so lost, you know you will be ready to be his light in the darkness he crosses.

The smiles of all your friends make you feel at home, that feeling of belonging to something great, unique. The kind of feeling you get when it's raining and cold outside, but you're indoors, with a blanket over your shoulders and your favourite hot tea in your hands. It's stormy outside, but you're safe with them, in their half-closed eyes and full cheeks.

Everyone's smile, except Ashton's. His lips stopped curving up about an hour into the conversation, and the gleeful expression that often distinguishes him has been replaced by a grim, pouting face, with the tips of the eyebrows down and the jaw set, while the wrinkle on his forehead becomes more and more present.He has been looking intently in your direction and, for a moment, every time you meet his gaze, you feel like you are being pierced by a dagger, which goes straight through your heart.

“Is everything alright, Ash?” you dare to ask, moving your body in his direction and whispering to not make anyone worry. Something in him clicks, because his eyes return to look intently into yours before getting up in a click, silencing and scaring everyone.

“Calum, I need to speak to you urgently. Come with me.” He demands aloud, starting to walk towards the stairs and going upstairs, without looking back and trusting to be followed by his best friend.

Everyone looks at Calum with confused faces and questioning expressions, as you stand up to be able to move aside and to let him go. He shrugs, confused like everyone else, before following Ashton upstairs. Crystal squeezes your hand a little bit harder, but you turn to her shaking your head to let her know that you’re not aware of what is happening just like them.

Everything happens so fast that your heart skips a beat as your hands start shaking a little.

“I should probably go see what's going on, just to see if they're okay.” Your voice shakes as you arrange your shoulder bag next to your coat, on the couch, and grab the glass for one sip, hoping that it gives you some courage. Michael nods a ‘yes’ before looking at Luke, a look that seems to hide more than just confusion.

With the bottom of the glass still a little full and with your heart in your throat, you head upstairs, being careful not to trip on the stairs with your heels, holding your free hand on the handrail. The stairs seem endless to you, while in your head you think about everything you did that could have angered Ashton.

Did you greet him when you arrived or did you forget? Did you say something you shouldn't have or were you silent when you should have said something? Your whole life seems to pass you by as you search for a possible cause for his behavior.

You hear commotion in the first room of the corridor, just next to the stairs. The door is almost closed but you can see the figure of your boyfriend from the crack left open on the door. Their behavior is so strange that you wait a moment before opening, taking a deep breath while looking for the right words to say. Just as you are about to open the door, a familiar voice begins to speak.

“What’s wrong?”

“You need to stop, Calum.” Ashton says looking at his friend straight in his eyes. The tone of his voice is harsh as he runs a hand through his hair.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Calum replies, but the way he moves around the room shows that he knows exactly what the conversation is going to be about.

You know full well that eavesdropping is wrong but the feeling in your stomach tells you to stay, your heart beats fast and you feel a concrete block on your stomach. Your hands are shaking wildly now and you place the glass slowly and gently on the ground to avoid making any noise and being caught.

“She doesn't deserve this. You'll break her heart.” Ashton leans on the dresser and crosses his arms in front of him. He has his back to you but you can see the reflection of his face in the mirror in front of the door, on the other side of the room. A short laugh comes out of Calum's mouth as he stops in his footsteps.

You quickly realize that Ashton was not looking badly at you - he was looking behind you, at Calum. Yet, it doesn’t make you feel any better, even worse, if that’s possible. Why is he so mad?

“You don't know what you're talking about, Ash. I really like her.” Your boyfriend turns to the door so he can look at his friend in the eyes as he leans against the wall. His gaze is hard and an indecipherable expression makes its way across his face. You move slightly away from the door, hoping you haven't been seen.

“Who? Your girlfriend or Heather? You're not as smart as you think, you've been looking at her the whole night! We arrived hours early just so you could talk and stay alone with her.” Ashton raises his voice as his face turns red with anger. Calum stands up, surprised by his best friend's words, and looks down at his feet.

Your heart sinks in hearing that name spoken and instinctively you put a hand on your heart. If hearing them talk felt wrong before, you're too part of the conversation now to stop eavesdropping.

Heather.

Your worst nightmare and your biggest dream. An angel who came down to earth, she seems to have been carved by God himself and has a personality that could change the whole world. She’s everything a person wants to be, her body has the right curves, she has the right ideals and a style that makes models envious. She joined the group only a year ago, but she became part of the family in a short time.

She has always been kind to you, she was close to you in the dark times and she always made sure to include you in everything, helping you when you were in trouble. And as grateful as you are to have her by your side, you can't help but be jealous of her.

She has everyone wrapped around her finger, she just needs to snap her fingers and the entire world is at her feet. It wouldn't be a problem if, among all those people, there wasn’t also Calum.

Calum.

Your love story began almost a year ago, a love you had felt for years, but that he only reciprocated nearly eleven months ago. It was unexpected, a date between two friends that ended with the kiss of your dreams. A nightly picnic on the hill overlooking all of Los Angeles, with the lights of the city as a backdrop and the melody of an old album playing in the car behind you as a soundtrack.

His face was illuminated by the light of the moon and his eyes shone with a light of their own, his smiling lips were surrounded by stains of sauce and his hand, the one not occupied by food, was holding yours tightly. Your cell phones were abandoned in the car and everything would have been even more perfect if bugs hadn't started invading your space. And a couple of laughs and ran later, his lips leaned against yours and the butterflies in your stomach started flying around, sending your head on tilt and your body shaking.

Sierra told you, a few days prior the night of your dreams, that he had a crush on Heather, but from the way he held you that night, you knew it wasn't true; there was no way his heart belonged to someone else, not when his eyes looked at you full of love and his arms hugged you so tightly, like they were built to hold you, just you.

You changed completely after you started dating, his habits became your habits and his world became your world.

You were no longer you, you were a new, happier, version of yourself.

Still, Heather was still in his head. Her opinion was important to him, as was her presence at every party. She was always around, dates or concerts, there was no way to have a sigh of relief. But Calum had reassured you multiple times, with his gestures and words, that he loved only you, that his heart was yours and that there was no reason to worry. She was always there, as was your boyfriend's love for you.

So what is Ashton talking about?

“Shut up.” That's all Calum says.

Why doesn't he tell Ashton he's wrong? Why did her name cause that reaction on his face?

“Do you think we can't see it? Cal, your heart beats only for Heather. Whatever you do, you always look around to make sure she is watching you. The way you kiss your girlfriend but worry that Heather is looking at you, the words you use, your body language always aimed at her. We are not blind or stupid, everyone has noticed it,” Ashton takes a deep sigh and gets up from the dresser, walking towards his best friend.

Your head starts spinning as Ashton's words make their way inside of you. The corridor walls get narrower and the darkness seems to suck you in, but you hold on to that little hope that Calum will defend you, that he'll say it's a lie and that you weren't that blind.

“Everyone except the girl who is sitting on the sofa downstairs and is impatiently waiting for the boyfriend she is madly in love with to come back to her.” He finishes the sentence and Calum turns back to him. The last words must have hit him deeply, as his eyebrows droop in a somber expression and his eyes lose their brilliance.

“I told Heather that I had feelings for her, that the way I looked at her was more than just a look between friends. But she knew that someone else had feelings for me and didn't want to interfere, she told me she had broken enough hearts and that someone else would have loved me in a better way,” Calum begins to tell as he frantically moves his hands to calm his anxiety. He paces back and forth around the room and doesn't dare to lift his eyes off the floor.

Ashton leans back against the dresser again as his ears listen carefully to every single word and his heart aches for the girl downstairs, unaware that you are only a few feet away and that your heart is getting stabbed with every word.

“And when I found out who had feelings for me, I thought that if I was with her, I would have made Heather jealous to the point that she would have changed her mind and would have loved me. And before I knew it, the situation got out of hand. I just wanted to be with Heather, but I needed to make her jealous and to let her know that she was losing me.”

The world seems to collapse on you as his words completely destroy your heart and every piece of it. He used you, he used your heart full of love as a game, as a tool to make the girl of his dreams jealous. Every kiss, every caress, every sweet word, was just a way to reach an end that was not yours. All your sacrifices, all the pieces of you that you gave him, all your love, it was all in vain.

He didn't care how you felt, how your sky got bluer and your days shone brighter since he came into your life. He only cared if Heather's days were darkening and if her heart was aching for him. You looked at him with eyes full of love and joy, but his eyes looked at her, in all her perfection.

In your head there seems to be a jackhammer as every single moment of your relationship passes before your eyes, in this new light you notice how naive you have been, how everyone had noticed this staged show and how stupid you were for not noticing anything. His gaze was always turned towards her, for better or for worse, when his heart was beating hard or not beating at all.

And as the walls tighten around you and your body loses all its energy, your lungs can’t breathe and you know there is nothing good left for you anymore.

You try to move but moving your legs seems impossible, the floor is sucking you in and in a burst you move backwards, hitting the glass next to you and making it fall to the ground, causing a small noise that echoes in the silence of your pain.

Less than a second later, the door to the room in front of you swings open and Ashton looks at you in surprise, before awareness makes its way into him and his eyes fill with pity towards you. The only thing you can look at, though, is Calum, the way his mouth opens wide and the way his heart seems to stop for a moment. He tries to say something, but his lips don't make a sound before, with eyes full of tears, you run away from there.

You almost stumble on the stairs, but you need to get out as soon as possible. Luke tries to talk to you, before the words get stuck in his throat as he sees who is running behind you. You grab the bag and the coat you threw on the sofa and storm outside. It doesn't take long for Luke to understand, a look in your eyes and he knows the truth is out and the pain they were trying to protect you from has reached you.

Everyone gets up and follows you outside, they don't know what to do but standing still isn't the solution, not when their friend's heart is so badly broken.

Even strangers follow you outside, so much hustle and bustle seems much more interesting than any song playing at that moment.

The night appears to be darker than usual as gray clouds cover the few stars in the sky. The cold hits your body violently, freezing the tears that are running down your face. Your head, your legs, your chest, everything seems to ache as you toss your things to the ground and put your hands on your face, before running them with a furious motion through your hair, hoping to relieve the seething anger in your veins.

How could you be so stupid?

How could you not see the way his gaze was lost in Heather's eyes?

How did you not notice anything?

But above all, with what courage did he lie to you?

How courageously did he sleep with you while he thought of her?

With what courage did he say he loved you while his heart belonged to her?

As you search for even a shred of meaning in everything that has happened, his voice makes its way into your ears and, for the first time, instead of feeling the warmth of home, you only hear the loud crack of breaking walls.

“I’m so sorry.”

You don't know what to do as you turn to him. You want to scream, cry, break everything. Your arms annoy you as you move them desperately, trying to relieve the pain, as your nails get into the palms of your hands. You grit your teeth as you try to find the strength to speak.

“You’re sorry? Sorry is not going to fix everything. You broke my heart, Calum. You played with my feelings. Are you happy now?” You scream as tears keep running down your face, your hands move up and down your arms, trying to give yourself some kind of comfort.

Calum's face expresses the pain he's feeling, but it's nothing compared to what he's done. He can see what he has caused from your eyes, now dull and disappointed, and he would like to be able to go back and avoid involving you in his little show to win the person he thought he loved.

He takes a step forward to try to calm you down, to tell you that he is sorry and that he will do anything to help you get over the pain he has caused you, but the way you walk back before his foot even touches the ground makes him realize that no word, no hug and no touch from him will help you, not anymore.

“Please, let me explain.” He whispers in a broken voice, reaching out and trying to have any kind of contact.

“Let you explain? I think you made it clear enough in there. You clearly said you used me to get to someone else. I don't think you can be any clearer than that.” Your voice has calmed down but is still very loud. A nervous smile forms on your face as you shake your head in disbelief, hoping it's all a bad joke.

You look behind him and you notice everyone's eyes on you, their looks are sad to see you so fragile and suffering and you don't know which humiliation is worse, if it was being used by the boy you loved or the looks full of pity from everyone those who knew, but who preferred to keep quiet and let you hurt yourself.

Heather is there, in front of you, a few meters away, her eyes don’t stop looking at you even for a second and a mix of emotions makes its way into your body as you see her there. You want to hate her, you want to run to her and scream at her for being so damn perfect, beautiful and loved by Calum.

But it's not her fault, you know you can't get mad at her if you're not what he wants. What is her fault? To exist? You can't condemn her for just being human.

She has always been kind to you, her intentions were never bad and, even though she might have feelings for him, she never put herself in the middle of the relationship.

You can’t blame her, Calum made a mistake, not her. And the thought of that hurts you even more.

Someone in the crowd yells “It's his loss!” but you know that he didn’t lose anything, maybe he even gained something, the possibility of being with her without having you around. But to you, it feels like you’ve lost your whole world. You lost all the kiss you shared, all the hands you’ve ever held and all the pieces of you you’ve given him.

“Have you ever loved me at some point? Or was it all completely fake?” You dare to ask, trying to find something positive, an excuse for loving him, certainty of not having wasted all of yourself all this time.

“I’m so sorry.” He answers, he’s too cowardly to say ‘no’, as tears fall down his face and a brief laughter comes out of your mouth in the irony of seeing him sad, after all he has done.

You can't do anything else but pick up the pieces of your broken heart and get as far away as possible from him, from everything that reminds you of the love you thought you shared.

“I don’t want your apology or your sympathy,” You say, pulling your hair behind your ears and running a hand under your eyes, removing the poured mascara and trying to get back to a decent look, to when your heart was intact, to when you were happy and to when a coward had not yet humiliated you.

You reach down to pick up the bag you threw and bite your lip to try to avoid crying again.

You will let it go once you get home, you’ll throw yourself under the covers and let go of all the pain, just like you used to do when you were younger and maybe, even after all this time, your father will come home to hold you again.

And in a few weeks, the world will turn again for you too and the pain will become less and less, until it disappears.

For now, however, you will have to pretend that you have the strength to go on, you will have to pretend that all this has touched you only partially, that his absence will not hurt so much.

Calum doesn't move as you walk towards the garden gate, everyone's gaze is locked on him, but you know he won't do anything to stop you. He doesn't deserve a second chance, he doesn't deserve to stop and apologize one last time.

Part of you hopes that he will have the opportunity to taste his own medicine, but deep down, as much as it hurts to admit it, you still love him and you wouldn’t want to see him suffer, you would never want something similar to happen to him, because his heart, the one you hate so much, does not deserve it.

What makes you even more angry is that you still love him. You hate the way you still feel butterflies walking past him and you hate even more the fact that a part of you hopes that tomorrow morning he will come home to apologize, bringing you your favorite breakfast and trying to remedy the pain he caused. But it won't happen, and all you can do is just go back to the old you, a part of you that no longer exists.

“I just want myself back.” That’s all you whisper and you know he has heard it. You turn around to look at him one last time and you see him looking back at you. The same pair of eyes where you used to find hope, now make you feel lost.

As the gate closes behind you, you start to feel like a broken record; the love you shared seems like your favorite song, the one you’ve listened to for so long that you can’t put on repeat anymore because, even though it gave you so much, you can’t help but feel nostalgic over a taste you don’t have anymore, a person you’re not anymore and, for as much as you want to listen to it again, you can do nothing but hate it as soon as the first notes start playing, crying at the sound that once made you feel so loved.

You loved Calum with your whole heart, you have fallen asleep to the sound of his voice many nights, you have put your hand through is hair so many times and you’ve learned all his favorite things, but you can’t help but feeling nauseous as you think about him, at the deep of his eyes - the one you used to get lost in, and at the smile that brightened his face - and your days.

Rain starts to fall down all around you, wetting your clothes and making a mess on your face, and you let every single drop running drown your face and body, hoping to remove all the traces of his love - or whatever it actually was - from you.

In seven years, all the cells of your body will be new and every piece of him that he gave you will be definitely gone, and your breaks a little more at the thought of it.

“And the tears come streaming down your face when you lose something you can’t replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?”

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