#hand in unlovable hand is immediately followed by i hope you die i hope we both die. come on

[astrid-beck]

This isn't me trying to ""gatekeep"" bc it would be immensely silly to even aspire to gatekeep the most popular song the mountain goats have ever released BUT I do mildly judge people who water down the potency of No Children by using it for characters who basically like each other. That song is for toxicity and codependency and obsession and divorce!!! "hand in unlovable hand" is not for your sweet redemptive "broken people finding love together<3" ship it is about people who drive everyone else away because they are unable to stop destroying themselves together. And if you don't have any ships that fit this description then that's a skill issue. Real divorceheads get it.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Draw your swords, pt. 13

Summary: Terrified of losing Y/N, the Darkling lets his defenses fall.

Warnings: angst, slight fluff, sexual content

Part one // Part two // Part three // Part four // Part five // Part six // Part seven // Part eight // Part nine // Part ten // Part eleven // Part twelve  

=================================

“Stay with me”, the Darkling trembled as he rushed back to the camp. He held her body close to his chest, her head slumped right where his heart beats thunderstorms in her name.

She’s slipping away, he can feel it. The injuries she suffered and the power she used weakened her irreversibly.

He should be angry with her, enraged, but he had no strength to spare for violent emotions. His heart couldn’t bare much more than the pain he found himself drowning in. It wasn’t the pain of his own wounds, rather the pain of her parted lips and ragged breaths that came like final gushes of air her lungs released.

“HEALER!” He shouted, hoping, praying to the Saints he never believed in before.

“HEALER!” There was something in his screams for help, an unimaginable pain behind it.

Y/N’s fingers twitched, her chest rising in a strange manner; what should expand with an inhale suddenly draws in, a paradox he had seen in dying soldiers.

“HEALER!” It was the kind of scream that went straight for the heart.

Everyone tensed, following the Darkling – a man who never showed genuine emotion other than rage. His call for healers felt like a cry from the heart and soul that stretched across the foundations of who he is. The anguish tore through him as he saw a healer run toward him.

Letting out a shuddered breath in relief, he collapsed to his knees. “Not me!” He growled as the healer tried placing her hands on him, “Help her! Save my wife!”

Nodding, the healer looked down at Y/N with wide eyes. Another healer arrived too, then another, and another.

The Darkling refused to let her out of his embrace as two of the healers tried to take her away. “No!”

“We have to take her”, the first healer insisted. “She doesn’t have long and we have to act fast and that’s not going to happen while you’re clinging to her!” Eyes wide, she covers her mouth as it dawns on her who she’s speaking to. “Respectfully, General.”

Staring at her with raw suffering, Aleksander licked his trembling lips. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to her temple instead of her forehead – forehead kisses in this moment would feel as if he’s kissing her corpse before her final rest. 

He couldn’t stomach that thought.

“If you die, I’ll never forgive you”, he whispers. 

This isn’t how it’s meant to be, how it’s supposed to be. He could never believe anyone ever loved anyone the way he loves her.

Nothing ever made him so frightened as the thought of losing her.

“Take her”, Mal tells them. Looking down at Kirigan who seemed incapable of standing back up on his own, he realized he had to take over.. “And send someone for your General. Send everyone for the wounded in the field.”

Aleksander looked up, jaw clenched and eyes swimming in tears he has yet to shed.

“I’m not leaving”, Mal quipped. “She’s my General.”

Y/N wasn’t able to scream, despite the pain darkening her mind. She tried to focus on her breathing, on staying alive. The only awareness she had was of Aleksander’s arms around her – she felt his scent. When he touched her face, when he tried to gain her attention, she couldn’t open her eyes. Her ears kept ringing, mixing with a rumbling inside his chest. She managed to blink her eyes open once, just one more time to see him, but all she managed to get was a glimpse of his chin and beard.

She wondered how he’d look without it, if it would make him seem boyish, softer. Maybe it would have erased the burden on his shoulders - they may be wide, but they shouldn’t have to carry all that weight alone.

Suddenly, his scent was gone. She tried to reach for him, but her arms could not move, hanging freely instead. Cold seeped in, clinging to her insides, wrapping itself around her heart.

Slowly, her agony had faded. The pain gradually lifted, dissipating like fog. For a moment, she wondered if this is what death feels like – no more pain? No more suffering? Being alone and cold?

Despite everything, if she had a choice, she’d embrace the pain. If pain means she would return to him, to his warm arms, she’d gladly suffer.

Dizzy, confused, she felt herself being pulled up into reality. The disjointed haze receded enough for her to make sense of the world around her. Her eyelids feel heavy as she opens her eyes, the edges of her vision flickering. Blinking fast, her eyebrows knitted as her vision blurred.

‘Aleksander’, she wanted to call, but couldn’t say a word. 

How odd it is that he’s the last one she thought about when she thought she’d die and he’s still the first one to come to mind when she wakes? 

She no longer felt cold. He always had the ability to keep the cold away.

Sniffling, she jerked her hands away as she became aware of another’s touch. Sitting up on a table she was laid upon, she pulled herself aside before looking to the one who touched her earlier.

“It’s just me”, he raised his hands in mock surrender. “I needed to see you.” His voice is soft, sweet like honey.

Scoffing, she narrows her eyes at him and the cup of water he held out for her to take. Her mouth is dry, her throat like sandpaper. She may be angry with him, but the water he held out felt more important than their fight.

“Are you in any pain?” He asks, watching her drink all of the water in one go. “I could have them come and take it away.”

Letting out a loud sigh, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Raising an eyebrow, she licked her dry lips.

“Can they take you away?”

Snorting, he suppresses a smile. As long as she’s capable of annoying him, she’s going to be fine.

“What were you thinking?” Threading his fingers through his hair, Aleksander frowned. “You could have died.”

“Would have saved you a lot of trouble in the future”, she quips. Standing, she stumbles.

Feeling his hands on her waist, Y/N felt her heart skip a beat. Even now, when she’d like nothing more than to walk away, her body reacts to him. Looking up at him, she inhales sharply as she sees the tears in his eyes.

“I’m scared”, he admitted and she blinked.

“Of what?” She frowned, “Me?” Does her power frighten him? Because it frightens her.

He shook his head, “Of me”, he looked at her. His hands trembled as they touched her skin, “I’m scared of hurting you.”

“I’m scared of you hurting me, too.”

Dropping his hand, he takes a step back. “I don’t think I’m capable of ever hurting you.”

“Tell that to my neck”, she remarks. Her hand brushes over where his hand had tightened its grip just the night before, fixing his gaze on him. He seemed to regret it.

‘Good’, she thought. ‘I hope it haunts him, because it will haunt me.’

“I apologize”, Aleksander swallows thickly. He can’t remember the last time he apologized to someone. A part of him questioned if he ever apologized for anything he’s done in his unusually long life. “I had no right to act the way I did.”

“You once told me I could choose the way to punish you if you ever hurt me”, she takes his hand, intertwining their fingers.

Aleksander nods, “I’m a man of my word.”

“What’s your name”, she asks. “Real name.”

His eyes locked on hers like magnets of different polarities. Isn’t that exactly what they are? She’s his polar opposite in every way, fated to attract.

“Aleksander Morozova.” He uttered a name long forgotten; a name he wanted to forget. 

Aleksander was a weak boy who failed everyone that cared for him. He was soft, young, naïve and a damned fool for ever believing Grisha would ever be free. Even now as he elevated their status, Grisha had to serve a human – the Tsar.

Her eyes held barely contained anger. As her hands clasped, a few stray flickers of light appeared on her fingertips. Unclasping her hands immediately, she raised her chin up. “I want to know everything. Tell me your story.”

“And when will I hear yours?” Darkling demanded, swiping his thumb under his lower lip.

“You seem to mistake this for negotiations”, she maintained eye contact defiantly. “Last night you told me to either go back to the Palace or to cross the fold and return to my father. It’s a choice that would easily mean I can choose to stay with you or leave and never look back.”

Placing a hand on his chest, Y/N smirked. “You can either tell me the whole truth or watch me leave.” She spoke through gritted teeth, “Don’t push me unless you’re willing to lose.” 

Cupping his left cheek, she allowed a luminescent glow cast a light on his handsome features. She was angry, so angry and tired and her own power often terrified her. For once, she wanted to use it for her own benefit rather than hide it.

“What good will it do?” Aleksander’s bottom lip quivers as her light illuminates tears collecting in his dark eyes. “You’ll hate me as they all do. Even my mother saw me as a monster.”

“I’ve seen what you really are. And I never turned away…what makes you think I will now?”

She felt his jaw clench under the palm of her hand as he swallowed thickly, “You would if you could see my heart, all of it.”

Exhaling through her nose, she shook her head. Her eyes soften, her lips parting. How could she ever be indifferent to his suffering? She wished she could be colder, to leave him in tears and not look back. Hearing his words, his belief that he’s unlovable tugged at her heartstrings. 

"Have you no faith in me?"

In a fight, they’re lethal, but around each other their armor is gone.

“I’ve waited for you for centuries. I dreamed about you for hundreds of years before I ever saw your face. I longed for you, missed you, died and lived for you.” Taking her face in his hands, Aleksander bends. His forehead meets hers as his nose brushes against the tip of hers.

“Ever since I laid eyes on you, my dreams have been clearer, focused on you. And in my dreams I am kissing your mouth and you’re whispering ‘where have you been’”, his eyes overflow with tears as he continues with a fractured smile. “I say, ‘I’ve been lost, but I’m here now’.” 

Swallowing thickly, he felt as if his heart was breaking. “You’re the only person who has ever been able to find the real me. You saw me underneath all the darkness.” Reaching for her hand, his fingers tremble. “I was waiting for you without knowing it. I’ll make up for all the mistakes, for all the years I was supposed to be kissing you.”

“So why is it so hard for you to be honest with me?” She whispers, her hands trembling as they hold onto his shoulders.

His frown deepens, “Why weren’t you honest with me?”

“You once joked and said I’m no Inferni”, she shrugged. “You were right about that. My mother was. Father never knew about either of us. Your turn.”

“I was honest”, he sighs. Stepping back, he frowns. “I told you my name, I answered your questions about the black heretic.”

Reaching for him, she felt her heartache intensify once his tears began to flow freely across his cheeks.

“Don’t”, he recoiled from her touch. She wrapped her arms around her own waist, hurt by the rejection. 

“It’s not easy for me to talk about my past. It’s as if I’m cutting myself open, letting the ugliness spill out. It’s not painless.” Swallowing thickly, Darkling’s eyes widen as he tries to hold back more tears from escaping him. “It would have been simpler to close myself off and find an unremarkable lover who’d never dare defy me, but I keep taking the risk because I want to be with you and I hope that one day you will feel the same way about me.”

“I want”, she stopped, tucking her hair behind her ears. 

His voice was quieter, “What do you want? I’ll give you everything.”

“I don’t know”, she replied honestly. “I’m hurt, Aleks. You hurt me after you promised to protect me.”

Running a hand across his face, wiping his tears away. He averts his gaze. Watching her break because of him deepens the cracks in his poorly stapled, bleeding heart.

“What do you want”, she looked to him with a weight in her chest. How can loving someone hurt so badly even when the love is reciprocated?

“Never mind what I want”, he turned away. Facing her now would have chipped away at his fragile sanity, so he did what a coward would – he hid.

“You asked what I want”, she placed her hands on her hips. “I want to know what you want.”

Shaking his head, he let out a breathless chuckle. “You”, he smiled. “I’ll always want you.”

Closing the distance between them, she closed her arms around his neck. Before she could reach for him, he gripped her by her thighs and lifted her effortlessly. Wrapping her legs around his waist on instinct, she got lost in the rush of blood to her head when he pinned her against the table behind her. He paused, searching her eyes. 

Whatever he was looking for, she hoped he found it.

“I don’t own you”, his eyes flicker to her lips as she sinks her front teeth into the soft flesh of her bottom lip. “I never did. Human or Grisha, you always owned me. I was just too blind to see it.”

Brushing his lips against hers, Aleksander smiled in resignation. His eyes are so different in moments like these, softer than she ever imagined eyes could be.

“Your silver tongue won’t get you far”, she struggled to keep her eyes open with his lips a whisper away. “But you’re free to try.”

She felt his burning gaze, finding it hard to concentrate on much besides breathing. He observed her, capturing her soft, naturally charming and appealing nature. She’s genuine and sweet, the reason why everyone’s head turns when she walks into the room.

How did he not realize it before?

She’s the sun.

She always was. 

He always did squint angrily at her like he does with the fireball in the sky.

Y/N’s hands ran up and down his chest as her lips claimed his - passionately, roughly, determinedly. Without a word, she started to unbutton his kefta, her cold fingertips brushing his warm skin - until she lost patience and ripped the bottom part wide open, pressing her palm against his chest as he broke the kiss.

“Are you sure?” He raised his eyebrows in concern.

“I’ll be mad at you tomorrow. Kiss me”, she ordered, drawing a smile on his lips as she pulled him closer, her lips reattaching to his, her teeth sinking into his lower one.

Pushing him onto the floor, she didn’t waste time. Her bottoms were down so quickly he hardly had time to take a proper breath before she unfastened his pants too.

Heaving, Aleksander could hardly get enough of the view on top of him - her beautiful mouth opening in pleasure every time she sunk down on him, her eyes rolling back into her head, her hands placed over his chest to keep herself steady. She speeds up, prompting his loud, uninhibited moans that drew an honest smile upon her lips. He trusted up and into her as his high hit fully, taking her by surprise. She gasped, his thrust giving her an unexpected release as she clenched around him.

Gasping for breath, she laid on top of him. Y/N was very aware of his arm around her as it pulled her close, his hand on her hip, giving it a light squeeze. He leaned into her, his lips pressing a tender kiss to her temple, making her tingle with anticipation of something more - something she shouldn’t think about after their argument.

How can she trust his change of heart has nothing to do with the fact she’s the Sun Summoner? How can she ever trust him at all?

Clearing her throat, she pulled herself off Aleksander. “Put something on, someone might come in”, she told him as she secured her pants back on. She could hardly look at him, afraid he’d weaken her resolve. She couldn’t forgive him so easily, even if her heart ached for him.

“Let me in”, a voice from outside the tent made Y/N look to the entrance with a frown.

She crossed the distance swiftly, her hands ready in case she had to use her sword. She goes to place her hand on the hilt only to find her sword is not on her.

It’s a good thing that’s not her only weapon.

“Hey!” She shouts at the Grisha as they pulled someone away. “Stop!”

“General?!” Mal laughs as he manages to look back at her, fighting against the Grisha.

“Mal?” She chuckles, glad to see he’s still alive. 

“Leave him alone!” She orders, feeling a presence behind her. She didn’t need to look to know it’s Aleksander. Unfortunately for him, she wasn’t in the mood for anymore talking.

“You’re alive?!” Mal goes in for the hug, but his eyes catch a glimpse of Kirigan’s glare and he slowly backs away. “We need to regroup.”

“How many have we lost?” She frowns.

“You’re Grisha now”, Aleksander speaks up. “You don’t have to fight for the humans.”

Glancing over her shoulder, she scoffs at him. How could he even think she’d give up on her people now? 

“That’s not something I’d like. I enjoy my humanity.”

She was the flame who lit his life on fire and while he was burning, he wanted to thank her for it and ask her to stay a while longer. Darkling nearly chuckled at the thought of calling her fire, but she is and he craves the burn.

The Darkling wanted Y/N to be the one addicted to him, in equal measure as he was addicted to her. He wanted to give her a reason to stay with him, if not for love, then for lust. He’d find a way to her heart in the meantime and knowing they’ll have a forever comforts him, but he needed to have her in every other way until then.

He knew he could make her truly happy if she’d let him and he wasn’t about to let her go.

Not without a fight.

Watching her walk away with the soldier, he clicked his tongue. Mal, whoever he is, poses a threat he needs to handle.

Swiftly.

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A/N - I struggled so much writing this chapter, hope you guys like it. I’m probably gonna pass out now, I’m exhausted. xx

Tags: @bruxa0007 @rangotangomango @kaitlyn2907 @thestoryofmylife9 @shelivesindaydreamswme @hxrgreeves @safetyhtom @kaqua @savannah-elliott @all-art-is-quite-useless  @azure23x @girlmadeofavocados @ashdab2611 @acciorudolphx @ladyblablabla @wckedheart @xceafh @sanna2020 @tarkanelima-blog @takethee @mellifluous-cosmos @marvel-ousnesss @tea-effect @starlightofsolaria @p3nny4urth0ught5 @blackbirddaredevil23 @sarcastic-and-cool @slytherinsbiggestproblem @within-thehollowcrown @notthatchhavi @musicconversedance @freakytillthemoon @lgkoval @honeyofthegods @queenmalhinewahine @misselsbells06 @whatthefluffrichard @aami98 @britriestbr @itsfangirlmendes @padme-parker @readingsssssssss @runawayolives @thehighladyofasgard @emlynblack @keithseabrook27 @dailydoseofchoices @deceivedeer @olympiacosplay @pansysgirlfriend @extrakyloren  @daybleedsintonightfa11 @thoughts-and-funnies @weirdowithnobeardo @folkloresworld @remugoodgirl @yagorlemmalyn @gonehopelessgirl @fefethecoffeeaddict @naughtynecromancer @poison-of-the-ivie @strawb3rrydr3ss @supersouthy @theilliterateironman @evyiione @kimoranelson03 @wizardwheezes @woodsabby6 @liajiah @its-carlerrr​ 

PART 14

[waitimcomingtoo]

My Youth is Yours 2

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

synopsis: in a world where you don’t begin to age until you meet your soulmate, Tom notices you started aging when he hasn’t 

part one

Masterlist

“Are you almost ready to go babe?” You called up the stairs as you put your earrings in.

“Ready.” Tom smiled at you as he came down the stairs. He cupped your chin between his fingers and kissed your before handing you his tie.

“I’m excited to meet all your coworkers.” Tom grinned as you tied his tie around his neck.

“Me too.” You smiled as you tightened the tie. “I’m kinda glad I didn’t quit. It’s gotten a lot better since Chris joined.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Tom rolled his eyes playfully and you laughed. “I don’t want to hear about your work husband. We’re already going to be late.”

“Just teasing.” You fixed his collar and kissed his cheek. “Let’s go.”

As soon as you and Tom walked into the office, Chris caught your eye. He stared you and Tom down as you made your way through the crowd and greeted your coworkers.

After about an hour, you were alone at a table when Chris finally approached you.

“Hey.” You smiled at him as you put your drink down. “Are you enjoying your first office party?”

“Can we talk?” Chris ignored your question, looking rather stressed.

“Yeah, sure.” You nodded and followed him to a quiet corner.

“What’s up?” You asked once you were alone.

“Your boyfriend is not 24.” Chris said, causing your face to go pale.

“What?” You laughed nervously. “Yes he is. What are you talking about?”

“That man is 18 years old. Look at him!” Chris harshly pointed to Tom. “Does he look 24 to you?”

“What are you trying to say?” You narrowed your eyes at him. Chris looked around for who might be listening and leaned in closer.

“I don’t want to upset you, but I don’t think Tom is your soulmate.” He whispered, making your heart stop.

“I have to go.” You said quickly and tried to leave. Chris gently grabbed your arm to keep you there.

“Wait.” He pleaded. “Here me out.”

“I have no interest in hearing you out. Let me go, please.” You pulled your arm out of his grasp and turned to leave again.

“I can’t. You’re not supposed to be with him.” He said a little louder, making you freeze in place.

“Why do you care?” You asked as you whipped around.

“Normally I wouldn’t, but I think you’re supposed to be with me.” Chris said, and you felt the air get knocked out of your body. This was something you had suspected, but you ignored for your relationships sake. Now Chris had figured it out and your cover was blown.

“What?” You played dumb and walked back to him.

“I didn’t start aging until I met you.” He whispered. “And you looked 18 when we met.”

You didn’t want to lie to him, so you didn’t say anything. He was right, after all, so you hung your head in shame.

“Oh my God.” He realized. “You knew, didn’t you? You knew it was me.”

“Keep your voice down.” You whispered harshly as you looked for Tom. You sighed in relief when you saw he was still busy at the bar.

“We both started aging once we met.” He repeated. “This isn’t a coincidence.”

“Maybe not.” You shrugged. “But I love Tom. I’m supposed to be with Tom.”

“You want to be with Tom.” He corrected. “But you and I both know he is not your soulmate. And I bet he knows it too.”

“He does.” You sheepishly confirmed.

“This is not how this works.” Chris grew emotional. “You can’t play at and loose with the rules. You start aging once you meet your soulmate so the two of you can grow old together. Tom isn’t aging. Whats gonna happen when you’re 90 and he’s still 18? He is wasting his time by not looking for his soulmate. Meanwhile, you met your soulmate and you’re turning him down.”

“I don’t care if he’s not my soulmate.” You stated. “I still love him. And I don’t love you.”

Chris was taken aback by your bluntness and you felt a pang of guilt. You cleared your throat and fixed your hair to distract from the awkward tension you created.

“This isn’t fair.” He shook his head. “You’re my soulmate. Why does he get you? He has his own soulmate.”

“Tom doesn’t get me.” You said sharply. “I’m not a freaking trophy. I love him and I am choosing to be with him. I don’t care if it’s not fates design.”

“But I do.” Chris shot back. “Am I supposed to end up alone now?”

“Frankly, I don’t care what you do.” You said simply. “I already met the love of my life. Your love life doesn’t concern me.”

“You are my love life. This isn’t fair.” He repeated.

“Yeah?” You raised your eyebrows. “Well I don’t think it’s fair that my best friend from childhood is supposed to end up with someone else. And if we asked Tom right now, he wouldn’t think it’s fair that I’m supposed to end up with you.”

“He’s coming over here now.” Chris stared at something behind you. “Let’s ask him, shall we?”

“Don’t you dare.” You said through gritted teeth.

“Hi darling.” Tom came behind you and put his hand on the small of your back. “Hi, Chris, right?”

“Yeah.” Chris said blankly. “It’s great to meet you. Y/n talks about you all the time.”

You didn’t take your eyes off Chris, silently begging him not to say anything.

“Are you okay, love?” Tom asked once he noticed the ghastly look on your face.

“You want to tell him or should I?” Chris half smirked.

“Tell me what?” Tom looked between the two of you in growing confusion.

“You have no right.” Your voice wavered as tears came to your eyes.

“What’s going on?” Tom demanded. “What were you guys talking about?”

“Chris-“

“Y/n and I are soulmates.” Chris cut you off as his eyes shot daggers at Tom. Toms face shifted in surprise as he looked at you.

“What?” He asked softly. You took his face between your hands so all he could see was you.

“This doesn’t change how I feel about you Tom.” You assured him. “I told you, you’re the one that I want. This doesn’t have to change anything.”

“Did you know it was him?” Tom asked quietly, feeling slightly awkward since Chris was just a few feet away.

“I suspected it.” You admitted, and Tom pulled away from you.

“And you didn’t tell me?” He asked bitterly.

“I didn’t know for certain.” You said apologetically. “And it didn’t matter to me anyway. I still wanted to be with you.”

“How do you feel about all of this?” Tom turned to Chris suddenly.

“I feel betrayed by the woman who’s soul was cut from the same fabric as mine.” Chris said as he kept his eyes on you. “And I feel like I’m not getting whats rightfully mine.”

“Watch your mouth.” Tom snapped and stepped up to Chris. “Y/n is not rightfully yours. She is not a trophy that you won.”

You gave Chris a knowing look over Toms shoulder, since you gave the same argument. Chris stared at you as his jaw tightened before returning his attention to Tom.

“Shes my soulmate.” Chris growled as he pushed Tom. “Not yours.”

“But she loves me.” Tom half smirked as he pushed him back. “Not you.”

Chris raised a fist as if he was about to hit Tom, so you quickly pulled Tom away.

“Don’t.” You held up a hand. “Fighting isn’t going to solve this.”

“Do you care about what you’re doing?” Chris pointed an angry finger at Tom. “You’re leaving me and your soulmate to die alone.”

“But I wouldn’t love her. I already love Y/n.” Tom answered. “Isn’t it better to be alone than unloved?”

“That’s how I’m living right now, and it’s not better.” Chris seethed.

“I’m sorry about that.” Tom apologized as he calmed down. “But Y/n and I love each other. We always have.”

“I love her too.” Chris pointed to himself.

“We can still be friends.” You suggested. “We’ll still age together and-“

“I can’t be your friend knowing what we know.” Chris cut you off. “You and I are meant to be. How do you think this makes me feel? I was handmade for you, and you still don’t want me.”

You sighed as the guilt fully set in. In the excitement of finally getting together with Tom, you never considered your soulmates feelings.

“I’m sorry, Chris. I really am.” You told him. “But this is not about you. No matter who my soulmate was, I would’ve picked Tom.”

“Well I hope you’re happy.” He nodded in defeat. “I hope the two of you are just thrilled.”

“I’m sorry-“

“Don’t.” He interrupted. “I’m not gonna stand by and watch you with another man. I quit. Effective immediately.”

Chris walked away from you and Tom and went straight out the door. You watched him as he left with a sick feeling in your tummy. Even if you didn’t love him, you were meant to have some sort of relationship with him. You never wanted it hurt him, you just never wanted to be his soulmate.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” You sighed and turned to Tom. “I didn’t know he was going to react like that.”

“It’s all right.” Tom rubbed your arm soothingly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” You nodded and pulled him into a hug. “I just feel guilty. He deserves to be loved.”

“He will be.” Tom pulled away and kissed your forehead. “Just not by you.”

You stayed in his arms for a moment, letting his embrace comfort you.

“This might be a bad time” ,Tom cleared his throat and pulled away to look at you, “but I met my soulmate too.”

“What?” You blinked in confusion. “Who?”

“Her name is Este. She was just hired at the gym I go to. Look.” Tom put his head down and showed you a silver hair that had grown near his part. “She grew one too. She showed me.”

“Oh.” You said quietly. “Do you…do you like her?”

“She’s really nice and hates playing by the rules just as much as I do.” Tom smiled cheekily. “In fact, she invited us to dinner at her girlfriends place next week.”

“Girlfriend?” A smiled tugged at your lips.

“Yeah. I don’t think fate accounted for falling in love on your own free will.” Tom chuckled. “She really must be my soulmate, since we have so much in common. We both fell in love with our best friends and have no interest in dating the other.”

You let out a laugh at how funny fate could be and cupped Toms face.

“I can’t wait to meet her.” You smiled happily before kissing him. Your smiled faded once you pulled away when you remembered the problem wasn’t solved on all sides.

“What are we going to do about Chris?” You asked quietly as you chewed your lip.

“I don’t know.” Tom shrugged. “Este is my soulmate, but in a platonic way. Maybe you and Chris are just meant to be friends.”

“I don’t think he sees it that way.” You sighed. “He just quit to stay away from me.”

“If he’s anything like me, he won’t be able to stay away too long.” Tom cupped your chin. “He’ll come around.”

“I hope.” You nodded. “I feel so guilty.”

Tom got quiet for a moment and shifted his weight between his feet.

“If you wanted to explore things with Chris, I won’t stop you.” He said slowly. “I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life wondering if you were really supposed to be with him. I love you enough to let you walk away.”

You gave Tom a soft smile and pulled him into another kiss to thank him for what he was offering.

“I don’t need to explore.” You said against his lips. “I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

Tag List 🏷

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[raindancer2004]

Unloved and Unwanted?

Word Count: 3,704 Felix x reader Part Four Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Death, Mentions of blood

This story is being extended to include more of the relationship between Felix and the reader as well as seeing reader as a newborn. Requested by @Savava19 on Wattpad.

Y/N woke up the following morning in her bed and looked around the room and saw Felix sitting on the sofa reading “Good morning little one” He said with a smile “Good morning. Did you stay here all night?” She replied “Yes, I hope you don’t mind but after a lovely evening with you which ended with you falling asleep in my arms, I didn’t wish to leave you alone” He smiled at her “I don’t mind, in fact I’m glad you stayed. I also enjoyed our date last night, although I’m sorry I fell asleep during it.” Felix chuckled and made his way over to her bed “Don’t be. It was nice that you felt safe with me to do so” He wrapped his arms around her and she relaxed into him “Thank you Felix.” “For what?” He asked and pulled back a little “For-for not being the person I-I was told you’d be” She replied low “I’m just glad you gave me a chance to show you who I really am, although I know you are still a little…unsure of me; of my feelings for you” He replied “I’m trying not to be but it’s…” “It’s ok, I understand” He cut her off and pulled her in for another hug “I’m your mate and we have forever so there is no rush. We can take things as slow as you would like” “Do you really mean that?” She asked “Yes, I do little one” He took her warm hand in his cold one and bought it to his lips pressing a kiss to her knuckles; she felt a warm feeling run through her and smiled at him.

The following night Y/N, Jane and Heidi made their way to the family room for movie night; Y/N sat between Felix and Demetri and waited for the film to start. Alec picked a horror film to watch and at a particular gruesome part Y/N hid her face in Felix’s arm “Let me know when I look again” Her words were muffled by his jumper but he heard her and immediately wrapped his arm around her pulling her into his side and smiled when she relaxed into him. Demetri noticed this from the corner of his eye and smiled too, happy that Y/N felt comfortable enough to seek comfort from her mate. Felix kissed her hair before whispering “You can look now little one” He felt her lift her head slightly to look back at the screen but she stayed snuggled into his side for the remainder of movie night.

Afton held a grudge against Felix and Jane for the removal of his arms, despite him provoking Felix the day the guards and Y/N returned from the Carnival. He never forgave Demetri when he ‘accidently’ put his arms back the wrong way round as it meant they had to be re-removed and re-attached by Santiago. He planned to get his revenge on Felix and bided his time until his plan could be executed. He knew his revenge would also affect Demetri so it was one stone, two bird’s situation for him.

Felix, Demetri and the twins left for a mission leaving Y/N alone as Heidi was busy collecting humans for the next ‘tour.’ Afton’s got his opportunity to exact his revenge the day after the four elite guards left the castle. Y/N was outside in the garden reading and didn’t hear him come up behind her until she felt his breath on her ear “Felix won’t want you or love you after this” He whispered and bit down on her neck, she screamed in pain and felt him tighten his hold on her. However, Afton was pulled off her by Santiago before he could fully flood her system with his venom. Santiago noticed she was now starting to bleed out as the bite mark hadn’t been sealed due to him ripping Afton away from her “Take him to the throne room” Santiago said as he shoved Afton towards another guard named Matt.

Santiago lifted Y/N into his arms and held his breath and sped to the throne room kicking open the doors and they hit the stone walls loudly “WHAT’S THE MEANING OF….” Caius’ shouting was cut off the second they entered the room “EVERYONE OUT NOW!” Aro ordered and the guards on duty left the room just as Matt arrived with Afton “Afton did this to her. I pulled him off her but the bite mark hasn’t been sealed” Santiago stated quickly “It-it b-burns” Y/N stuttered out, tears falling down her cheeks. Caius took her from Santiago and laid her on the floor and leant over her “Please forgive me my dear” He placed his mouth over the existing bite mark and sucked out Afton’s venom before sinking his teeth into her neck and letting his venom enter her system, therefore becoming her creator. Aro looked down and saw that Caius’ mark had replaced Afton’s “Brother…” “I couldn’t let her die as she is Felix’s mate and they have been through so much already. This way I am her creator not him” Caius cuts Aro off and points to Afton “Felix is more likely to accept that his mate is now immortal if she has my venom in her just as he has yours Aro” He added “That’s true brother, I think it would have caused more problems for them if it was Afton who changed her” Marcus responds.

Aro takes Afton’s hand in his own and watches the scene play out in the garden “It would seem brothers that Afton planned to change Y/N to get revenge on Felix, knowing it would cause trouble and all because Felix defended his mate a few weeks back after Afton picked a fight with him” Aro said once he let go of his hand “It is against the law to interfere with another’s mate, to try and break their bond and you will be punished” Marcus says calmly as Chelsea enters the throne room, having been told by the recently dismissed guards about Afton being in trouble with the masters. “Sorry for interrupting masters, but can I ask what Afton has done?” “Chelsea my dear, so good to see you. Although I do have some bad news for you…Afton is to be ‘dealt with’ as he attempted to change Y/N to get back at Felix and well he made a mess of it and Caius has had to change her himself in order to save her” Aro informed her, Chelsea was shocked and covered her mouth with her hands; after a few moments she finally spoke “I-I understand m-master. Do what-what you must with him” She stuttered out “You know what is going to happen to him my dear” Aro responds and she nods as venom fills her eyes that cannot be shed “Good-goodbye Afton” She whispers and follows Caius out of the throne room as he makes his way to Y/N’s room. “Any last words Afton?” Aro asks “I regret nothing and we all know Felix will struggle to accept her now” Aro nods at Santiago and he removes Afton’s head before Matt lets him fall to the floor and the two vampires remove Afton’s arms and legs “Burn him” Aro says as he leaves the room.

Chelsea opens the door to Y/N’s room and Caius enters carrying her over to the bed “Please let me clean her up before Felix returns” She says and Caius nods as he passes Y/N to Chelsea. Chelsea cleans up the bite mark and the blood surrounding the area “Master, please can you pass in the short sleeve black dress from her closet?” Caius passes her the dress and a few moments later Chelsea exits the bathroom with Y/N in her arms and lays her down gently on her bed.

Chelsea and Caius stay with Y/N during her change “Master, what are we going to tell Felix?” Chelsea asked low “We tell him the truth that Afton made a mess of trying to change her out of revenge and that I stepped in and replaced his venom with my own in order to save her. It’s my bite mark on her neck now not Afton’s” Caius responds and Chelsea nods “Thank you for letting me stay here with her" “You’re welcome my dear, I figured it would help you, all things considered” He replied and she nodded “I hope Felix doesn’t hold Afton’s actions against me” She said low “He won’t, especially as you and I are going to take care of her until he returns” Caius replied.

Y/N woke up three days later; sitting up and taking in the sights around her; noticing the loose thread on rug by the fireplace, feeling the cotton thread of the duvet beneath her when her eyes met Caius’ “Hello my dear” “Ca-Caius” She replies low “Wh-what happened?” “You were bitten by Afton in the garden and Santiago intervened and bought you to us and I had to change you in order to save you” He replied “I-I remember he said that Felix wouldn’t want me or love me knowing I had his venom running through me” She replied “Well you don’t need to worry about that my dear, as it’s my venom running through you” “Felix will have an issue with the fact that it’s not his venom” She answered sounding a little sad “Nothing will change between you hunny, I promise. He will just be glad that master Caius saved you” Chelsea answered softly “Oh and just so you are aware Afton was disposed of after this incident as he broke one our laws” She added “I-I’m sorry Chelsea” Y/N replies “Don’t be Y/N, you did nothing wrong. Afton knew what the consequences were should he be found out and went ahead anyway” Chelsea replies.

“As you are my creation Y/N, you spend your newborn year with us at the castle and we all help you adjust to your new life. First things first feedings; we do not allow hunting in the city and so once Felix and Demetri return, I will have them take you hunting outside of the city and show you what to do. In the meantime, Heidi saved you two humans from our ‘tour’ this morning, they are waiting in a guest room on the floor below. Shall we?” Caius informs Y/N “I-I don’t know what to-to do” She says slowly “You are a lot faster and stronger than the humans in the room so it’ll be easy to overpower them. You need hold them firmly against you, this can be via the front of their neck or around their middle, then you tilt their head to the side and bite down and let the blood flow down your throat to ease the burn. We will be right there with you” Chelsea replies. Once inside the guest room Y/N grabbed the first human and did as Chelsea told her although she struggled and it was not the most efficient kill nor was it the cleanest but Caius and Chelsea did not judge her. Y/N drained the second human but later she felt upset at having killed two innocent humans. “You did well today Y/N and it will get easier, I promise” Caius said low.

Heidi got some blood bags from her doctor friend at the hospital and kept them in her room for Y/N in case they needed them. Chelsea and Heidi made sure to keep Y/N away from the reception area, not wanting to risk an incident in the castle. Heidi did however get Caius’ permission to bring in another human for Y/N as a way of helping her deal with the blood lust she was feeling.

Chelsea and Caius had spent a lot of time with Y/N as she was struggling with feeding. Heidi would ensure their share of the tour was bought to a side room so the three could feed privately as Caius didn’t think Y/N was ready to feed with the others. Y/N had been a newborn for about ten days when Felix, Demetri and the twins returned from their mission; reporting to the throne room to update the Kings on the outcome of their mission. All four guard noticed Caius’ throne was empty “Caius is with Chelsea and Y/N…” Aro paused when he saw confusion and worry flash across Felix’s face “There was an incident about two weeks ago involving Y/N and Afton…Caius had to change Y/N in order to save her” Aro advised them and a loud growl escaped Felix “I’LL KILL HIM” He roared and turned to leave; Demetri grabbed his arm as Marcus spoke “He has already been disposed of…he is nothing but ashes my dear boy” Felix turned around to look at Aro and Marcus “Chelsea is with Y/N?” Demetri asked “Yes, she and Caius haven’t left her side since the incident, Heidi has checked in with her regularly when not planning ‘tours,’ she even got a supply of blood bags for Y/N. Chelsea feels bad for what happened to Y/N and asked to stay and help her” Aro replied “I think being around Y/N has helped Chelsea deal with the loss of Afton, given her…a purpose” Marcus added “Please do not harm Chelsea Felix, she had no part in Afton’s plan” Aro warned “How-how did Afton get close enough to attack Y/N?” Felix asked and Aro explained the events of that fateful day including how Santiago saved her from Afton. “Go see Y/N but remember don’t spook her as she’s probably stronger than you right now” Marcus said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Felix and Demetri made their way to Y/N’s room, the twins deciding to wait to the morning as to not overwhelm her. Felix knocked on the door “Only us” He said as he and Demetri entered her room slowly “Felix, Demetri” Caius greeted them “Master” They both replied and bowed their heads “How is she?” Felix asked quietly, looking out to the balcony where Y/N stood with Chelsea “A little jumpy now and then. She struggles a little with her thirst but is relatively calm for a newborn” Caius answered quietly, he looked over his shoulder before continuing “She’s worried that this will affect your relationship” Felix said nothing but nodded “Just remember Felix it’s my venom in her system no one’s else’s and it’s my bite mark that you will see…just as she sees Aro’s mark where he changed you” Caius placed a hand on his arm “Thank you master for saving her and staying with her in my absence” “She is your mate and you two have been through enough in the short time you’ve been together. She’s my creation and it was my duty to show her how to survive in this life. Although I think you two should help her too” Caius replied “Of course master. I’m assuming then she will be with us during her newborn year?” Demetri asked, hope showing in his eyes “Yes, as my creation she is allowed to remain here with us” Caius replied smiling at Demetri and Felix “I’m going to say goodnight and leave you to catch up. Goodnight Y/N” “Goodnight Caius and thank you again” Y/N said as she entered the room “I’ll be leaving too, if you need me Demetri knows where to find me” Chelsea said as she too left the room.

“Looking good Y/N” Demetri smiled and gave her a wink; a low growl came from Felix “Shut up” Demetri said as he slapped his arm “You look so beautiful little one” Felix said with a look of adoration on his face “May I?” He held his arms out to her and she nodded, slowly stepping closer to her mate; once she was near enough Felix carefully pulled her into his arms and held her “I missed you Felix” She buried her face into his chest “I missed you too” He replied resting his head on top of hers “I missed you too cara” Demetri added and Y/N laughed “Missed you too Dem.”  

Felix loved Y/N with every fibre of his being and would do anything for her, including defending her to a few of the transitory guards who talked about her behind her back, judging her and commenting on the fact she was not able to take part in the ‘tours’ “Y/N is struggling to adjust and after the shocking way she was thrust into this life by Afton, I can’t blame her. She’ll come through it” Felix said at the start of a training session “One more thing you may want to remember that as my mate she outranks you all!” Felix growled “Drop and give me 200…NOW!” Demetri demanded and the vampires groaned “You can all thank the few guards that thought they could talk about Y/N in such a way a disrespectful way.”

Felix was given a few days off to spend with Y/N but that didn’t work out the way it as supposed to. After coming back from a private feeding with Chelsea Y/N saw how clean Felix and Demetri were after the ‘tour’ compared to her; she was still a little messy, it confirmed her thoughts she wasn’t good enough or clean enough with her kills to stand beside her mate and her friends. She decided to spend more time with Chelsea and continue to feed privately with her as she felt comfortable around her and didn’t feel like she was being judged by the female vampire. Y/N also still had the need for blood bags to help with her thirst.

“Y/N? You in here?” Felix called out as he entered his mate’s room only to find it empty…again “She isn’t in there” Demetri’s voice called out softly “I know that” Felix growled “Woah! Calm down Fe” Demetri held his hands up in surrender “Sorry D. I can’t find her and all I want is to spend time with my mate, improve our relationship and our bond” He replied, sounding a little downhearted. Demetri was quiet for a moment before replying “Y/N is with Chelsea…in her room” “What is it with Y/N and Chelsea?” Felix asked, Demetri shrugged “I don’t know, maybe Chelsea feels guilty over Afton’s actions and feels bad for Y/N. Talk to her” Felix nods and goes back to his room.

A few days later Felix catches Y/N in Heidi’s room with a blood bag and they’re hanging out “Hey Y/N there you are. I’ve been looking for you” “You found me” She replies “I have some time off and wondered if you wanted to do something together?” He asked, hoping she’d agree “Oh, sorry I can’t…I have a lesson with Caius…which I’ll be late for if I don’t go now. Bye Heidi, it was nice catching up. Bye Fe” Y/N left the room quickly “Bye Y/N” Heidi called after her, Felix said nothing, turning around and making his way to Demetri’s room. Once inside he laid down on his friend’s bed, surprising Demetri moments later when he stepped out of the bathroom half naked after his shower “Why Felix, I didn’t know you cared” Demetri winked at him “Get bent” Demetri chuckled as he entered his closet and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt “What do I owe the pleasure, my friend” Demetri asked sitting at the foot of the bed “Y/N’s avoiding me” “Ahh…are you sure she’s avoiding you?” He asked gently “Yes. She’ll spend time with anyone and everyone…as long as it’s not me” Felix replied. Demetri was sure it was all in his friend’s head until he witnessed Y/N avoiding Felix for himself the following afternoon.

Gianna had taken the afternoon off and Aro asked Y/N to cover reception, thinking doing something ‘human’ may be good for her and keep her focused on something other than her struggles. The afternoon was going well until a delivery man arrived with a parcel for Aro. Y/N inhaled just as the human rounded the corner; the burn in her throat roaring to life, his heartbeat sounding loud in the quiet reception area ‘He smells so good’ She thought to herself ‘Just a little taste’ A smile curved her lips ‘No. Don’t. I can’t. Caius…Felix…’ “Hello, I have a parcel that requires a signature” The human voice cut through Y/N’s thoughts “Ok” She tried holding her breath as she signed his clipboard, she noticed the pulsing vein in his neck, his heartbeat a little fast as though he was a little fearful. It was as though he was tormenting her with his scent. He thanked her and turned back to walk towards the lift and before she could stop herself, she had flashed up behind him as he stepped inside the lift. Y/N’s hand gripped his neck; holding his back to her chest as she sunk her teeth into his neck, his blood flowing into her mouth easing the burn at the back of her throat “Mmm” She enjoyed draining this human. She was trying to work out how to hide the evidence of her kill when she noticed her top had blood on it, his blood “Oh well. No need to hide him now…” She trailed off, talking to herself.

The lift doors opened when the lift reached ground level, Y/N stepped out of the lift leaving the human to lie dead on lift floor. She walked to the stairs and made her way back to reception to turn off the computer and to gather her things “Y/N” Felix called out from behind her when she was halfway back to her room “Can’t stop, got things to do” She called out over his shoulder “What things? Maybe I can help” Felix called “Just things, I don’t need help” She called out and took off running “Still think she isn’t avoiding me D?” Demetri rubbed the back of his neck “It would appear she is avoiding you” He replied “I wish I knew why D” Felix responded and turned on his heels making his way to the training room. Demetri decided to try his luck with Y/N; to see if she would talk to him as she used to do when she was human.

[ilguna]

Malefic - Metanoia (f.o)

Summary: you will be crowned victor of the 75th hunger games.

warnings; swearing, BLOOD MENTION, angst.

wc; 500-ish?

NOTES; i give reader a last name to fit the world.

I WROTE THIS AT 3AM. IT’S NOT FANTASTIC. IT’S A BLURB. DON’T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY. THANKS.

–

“(Y/n), just stop.” Finnick says, his entire face is twisted in anger, he motions for you to leave.

“Stop what?” You ask, stalking towards him, “I thought you knew what you were getting into. You said so yourself, you knew me.”

“No, that’s not what I said—“

“Really? Because I have a pretty good recollection of it.” You tilt your head, “You were the one saying that you’d be here through thick and thin. That you could handle whatever I dished out.”

“This is not what I meant.” He hisses, eyes snapping to you.

For a moment, you want to be angry. But you don’t even get a chance, because a smug sneer is crossing your face, “You thought I would be sunshine and rainbows?”

“Stop!” He says lowly.

“You thought that just because I’m dating you, is suddenly change like that—?” You snap your fingers, shaking your head.

“Shut—“

“You are by far the dumbest person I’ve ever fucking met. I even came with warning labels and you still managed to fuck it up.”

“Quit it.” Finnick’s face is straight and angry. You’ve briefly seen him angry, but not like this. This is different.

“Or what? You’re going to go crying to Johanna? Call me a fucking bitch and have her rub your shoulders and tell you that you deserve better?” You mock a sad face, “Have her tuck you in and read you a bedtime—“

Finnick shoves your shoulders hard, too hard. You stumble, arms reaching out behind you to catch yourself on the wall before it’s too late. It doesn’t work, your head slams into the cement wall, a white hot pain straight out of hell collided with your head.

You slide down the wall with no choice, fingers fumbling to the warm feeling that’s creeping down the back of your neck. At the sight of rich red blood, you’re looking back at Finnick.

You open your mouth, prepared to send him a snarky remark; a congratulations on him finally being able to hurt you in some way, since he can’t do it emotionally or mentally.

His voice overlaps yours, loud and roaring, “Don’t you fucking get it?! You’re so fucking manipulative!” He stands over you, seething rage, “You do this—all the fucking time and then wonder and pout about how no one wants you—

“This is why! You’re so fucking unbearably unloveable because of your stupid superiority complex!” Finnick’s lip curls, snarling, “You think you’re so much better than the rest of us, but the truth is, you’re worse. At least we figured out healthy coping mechanisms, you just sought out abuse.”

He doesn’t stay, he leaves immediately after. The back of your head is throbbing, gushing blood. You sit on the floor for a while, carefully leaning your head back against the wall while you try not to be bothered about the heat on your back.

At some point, the slightest head movement is enough to make you dizzy. You gently get off the floor, carefully placing a hand on the back of your head. There’s a good puddle of blood where you had sat before, and you find that you’re coated in it when you look in the mirror.

Smeared down the side of your face, around your ears and down your neck. You aren’t too focused on your expression in the mirror until you go to leave and catch how pale you’ve grown. You need to get help.

You’d take care of it yourself, be self-sufficient as usual. But they don’t keep medical stuff in the room. And if they do, you don’t know where to find it. So, you wander out of your room and down the hall until you find the elevator.

Its not empty when it reaches your floor. In fact, you’re face to face with Haymitch and Katniss. At first, they glance past you, until a voice that you hardly recognize as yours is leaving your lips.

“I need help.” You whisper, blinking to keep yourself awake, “Please.”

Haymitch sees you first, and snaps awake. Once the door is pulled up, he’s grabbing you to keep you upright, “What happened?”

“I fell. I blacked out and hit my head and when I woke up, I was covered in blood.” You look between Haymitch, and Katniss. Katniss looks less than thrilled to see you. You can’t blame her, “I’ll make it by myself, I think.”

“We should walk you—“

“No, you’re doing something important.” You pull away from him, “I’m not important. I’m nothing.” You make it inside of the elevator, pressing yourself to the corner to keep upright, “I’m sorry for asking. Don’t worry about me.”

You push the button to the medical floor, which has an asterisk next to the number. Haymitch looks like he still wants to offer help, and you think you see something different in Katniss’ eyes, that you easily play off as nothing, you’re just dizzy.

The elevator moved, leaving them where they are. You have to keep to the corner, away from the door since you didn’t pull it down like you should’ve. You go down for what feels like forever.

You’re motion sick at the bottom, but drag your feet long enough to make it. Black spots eat away at the corners of your eyes, white static taking over spaces where it shouldn’t be. You feel hands on your arms, and slump.

Whoever it is, follows you all the way to the floor, cradling you in their arms. You keep your eyes shut, hoping that the spinning motion will die out if you see nothing but darkness, but it doesn’t go anywhere. It feels worse.

“Hey,” the voice is gentle, and warm and too familiar, “(Y/n)? Please open your eyes for me, just real quick.”

There’s a pressure beneath your eyes suddenly, making you flinch.

“Look at me.” There’s a certain softness to it, too delicate, on the verge of breaking.

Your eyelids feel heavy, words barely forming in your brain long enough to form a lazy string of thoughts. Whoever it is, cares about you deeply.

What a waste, you think, you’d have a better chance at striking gold.

Your eyebrows draw together, and you struggle to open your eyes for a second to see who would be stupid enough to help you, much less care about you.

Oh. Of course.

Brown hair that looks golden in white light. Sea green eyes that used to catch the hearts of everyone in the Capitol, now filled to the brink with clear, wobbly tears. The lightest blink could send them over the edge.

Finnick, back so soon? What a surprise, you never learn.

“I’m sorry.” He says, slowly scooping you up, “I’m so sorry. I thought that you’d come down here sooner. I didn’t think...”

Taking the blame all on himself, as if you’re not the one that sat there knowing the consequences.

You blink, and struggle to open your eyes again. You think it would be better if you died here. If only you’d stayed in the dorm and let yourself wither away there. At least then you’d get what you deserve.

“This is a mistake.” The words are slurred, making no sense. Finnick looks down at you, worried.

“What?”

“Just let me go.” You turn your head, at the end of the hall stands bald Johanna. You think you can see the scar from when you slammed her head against the rock.

Now we’ll be matching.

“Shut up, don’t do this now.”

“Do you know the definition of insanity?” You murmur, eyes locking with his, “It’s when you do the same thing over and over and over and expect a different outcome every single time.”

You press your lips together, willingly closing your eyes now. Finnick’s saying something, you purposely drown him out, hoping that the usual coldness of the darkness, now replaced by warmth, is going to be enough to show Finnick just how good he’ll have it without you.

After all, you’re unbearingly unlovable. He shouldn’t be wasting his time on you.

[themadlostgirl]

Abandoned (2)

*Doubt comes in*

~~~

It felt like I was walking into a trap as I ventured into the jungle in search of the music. For days it had been calling out to me, bidding me to follow it. Now here I was doing just that. I tell myself I’m doing this to end the music. If I stop the music then I’ll stop forgetting. Simple as that.

The deeper into the forest I went though the more my confidence wavered. The music was getting steadily louder and more hypnotizing. My steadfast march turned idle like I was taking a leisurely walk. The grip on my sword slackening. I hadn’t even realized I sheathed it again until the music suddenly stopped.

My senses started to return and panic began to set in. I was in the middle of the jungle in the dead of night with no recollection of how I got there or how to get back to my hut. How could I be so careless? I’m smarter than this! Okay. Deep breath. Don’t panic. All I needed to do was start backtracking. I must have left a trail, I just needed to find it.

If I did that though then what would have been the point of me coming out here in the first place? I came out here to stop the music for good. It must have stopped because I was close. I needed to keep going. With a deep breath I turned back around and searched high and low for anything or anyone that could be playing the music. Not exactly easy since everything was shadows.

“There in the field stood a flower rare. Its petals bright with beauteous flair. Along came a bee buzzing through the air. And sat on the flower without a care.” A voice in the shadows spoke and from them emerged Pan, “Then the flower closed and became a snare. The moral of this story I now will share. Even pretty things can cause a scare.”

“Aren’t we a little old for nursery rhymes?” I wrapped my hand around the hilt of my sword.

“Never.” He grinned.

“Is it you?” I asked, “Are you the one that makes the music every night?”

“Oh, so you can hear it. Good. You never moved from your camp on the beach so I was wandering if you could yet. How long have you been able to hear it?”

“A few weeks. Why?”

“And you held out this long. Gotta say, I’m impressed.” He pulled a set of pan pipes off his belt. “These are enchanted. Only certain people can hear the music when I play it. The music itself has interesting side effects.”

“What people? What side effects?”

He brought the pipes up to his lips and played a short tune. Immediately the melody wrapped around my brain and the world around me softened out of focus. When he stopped I blinked as if waking from a daydream. He smiled at me.

“The music attracts those that feel unloved and unwanted. It softens the heartache of such a sad life, erases all the bad memories. All you have to do is let it in.”

“But I--I’m not--I’m not unloved or unwanted! I don’t want my memories erased!”

“If you can hear the music then I have to say different. Ever since your father left you’ve been spiraling further and further down. Wondering when he’s gonna come for you. Holding onto a useless hope that you’re ever gonna see him again. But you know the truth, don’t you? All the evidence adds up but you’d rather hold onto a childish hope than accept it.” He circled me like a beast of pray. Even in the dim light of my lantern I could make out the wheels turning in his head. “You’re lost, spitfire. So helplessly lost.”

The flame of my lantern blew out casting everything into darkness. I drew my sword listening for any snap of a twig or breath of air that indicated he was near.

“Boo.” His voice whispered in my ear.

“Raaah!” I swung and my blade hit another. Pan had blocked the hit with a dagger.

“Quick reflexes, swordfish. But mine are quicker.” He disappeared again.

“Come on out and face me like a man you codfish!” I shouted.

“Who wants to be a man? Grown ups have such little fun.” I tried to pinpoint his voice but it seemed to echo from all directions. “But us, the young blood, we can make games out of anything. Just like we are now.”

“This isn’t a game, Pan.” I growled. “If I get the chance I’ll run you through.”

“No you won’t. Want to know why?” My lamp flickered back to life and Pan stood before me just inches away from the tip of my blade. “Because you’re having fun.”

I lunged the sword at him and he side-stepped it with ease making me stumble forward.

“There is such fire and fight in you. It’s been bottled up and suffocating on that ship. Now you’re free.” He kicked me to the ground. “Free as you are, you still don’t know what to do with yourself. My poor little Lost Girl.”

“I’d rather tie boulders to my bootstraps and throw myself into the mermaid lagoon before I became part of your dumb crew.” I spat, shooting back to my feet. “I came here to stop that infernal music and I plan to just do that. Either by destroying those pipes or by killing you. I don’t care which.”

“The only way you’ll destroy these pipes is if you pry them from my cold dead hands.”

“Then I guess that only leaves us with one option.”

“I suppose it does.” He grinned wider. Like the prospect of dying was thrilling to him. “To die would be an awfully big adventure. I look forward to it. The first move is yours, swordfish.”

With that he was gone.

That bilge-sucking, arrogant, underhanded, codfish! This was not some game! What was it going to take to get that through his thick skull?! Maybe a knife to the eyesocket. I gathered my lantern from the ground and turned around. The path I had taken here was much clearer than it had been earlier.

Another trick of Pan’s.

I came here to stop the music and I think I may have just made things between Pan and I worse. Before he left me alone but now he thought there was fun to be had with me. A part of me wanted to continue my mission and charge further into the jungle until I hunted down Pan again and fight till the last breath. The more rational part of me told me to pick my battles carefully.

I turned around and took the path back to my camp. I would deal with Pan tomorrow after I had devised a new plan.

Storming his camp wasn’t a good idea for multiple reasons. One, I didn’t know where it was. Two, even if I did know where it was the Lost Boys would outnumber me twenty to one. My only hope was to get him alone but I didn’t know when that could be. The only time I’ve met him alone is when it was on his terms. He had either drawn me in or showed up on his own. If I wanted the upper hand I’d have to take him alone and by surprise.

For that to work though I’d have to know his pattern of movement. He has to have one. There’s no way he’s around Lost Boys all the time. But to learn his patterns I’d have to track him down and try not to be detected while I spied on him. That in itself was another headache seeing as how he could appear and disappear in the blink of an eye. I could be tracking him for hours and then he’d blink away to the other half of the island and I’d have to track him down again.

Maybe a betrayal? Pretend to want to be part of his camp and get him when his guard is down. No, that wouldn’t work either. Not only would Pan’s trust take too long to obtain but if I started acting nice now he’d know I was planning something. What am I supposed to do?

At the very least I should find out where his camp is. I don’t know if he moves it but I can’t see why he would since there are no enemies on the island. None except for me. I don’t see him moving his entire camp because I came upon it though.

In the morning as the first light of the sun started to creep up over the horizon I gathered my things and ventured into the jungle. I had no idea how long it may take but I wanted as much time as possible before any of the Lost Boys woke up. I didn’t know a lot about Pan and his Lost Boys outside of what papa and the crew mentioned but I did know that they stayed up very late. So early morning was probably not their friend.

I was hiking through the jungle for maybe a good two hours before I noticed paths naturally leveling out around me. Well worn, some even had fresh tracks in them. I was getting close to the camp. I followed along the path until I noticed a break in the dense forest of trees. Sticking to the morning shadows and creeping as quietly as I could I got closer. I stepped over a tripline and scanned the ground for any other traps or alerts that may have been set up.

This was it, Pan’s camp. Lost Boys were abundant and all soundly asleep either in tents, swinging in hammocks, or passed out on the ground. The remains of what looked to be a bon fire sat in the middle of the camp. I crept around the perimeter searching the faces for Pan’s but I couldn’t spot him. Was he in one of the tents?

Best not to go looking. I knew where the camp was now, that was enough for today. I should get out of here before the boys wake up. I made not of the way to get back as I retreated to my own camp on the beach. Maybe if I can find Pan while he and the boys are asleep then I could get him. It was bad form to attack someone while they’re sleeping but this boy had already taken so much from me. I didn’t care about bad form anymore.

I hunted down some breakfast on my way back to my camp and sat down to relax. I stared out over the ocean praying that I would see the Jolly Roger come sailing out over the horizon. As long as I watched though it remained the same.

I pulled out my pocketwatch and clicked it open again, listening to the metronomic ticking sound it issued. He has to be coming for me. He has to.

The next few days I spent getting up early before any of the boys awakened and hiking back to scope out the camp. No matter how many times I went or how hard I looked I could never spot Pan among them. Did he sleep somewhere else? Why? Wouldn’t he want to be with his camp in case of an emergency?

This was useless. I wasn’t gaining any new information and it was clear that Pan wasn’t here. I’d have to think of something else or else try to find where he does rest his head if not in his camp. With a sigh I turned around back towards my own camp and check the traps I set. I never had much use for snares on a ship but I was thankful that papa taught me now. Not a whole lot of wildlife was on the island outside of birds, frogs, snakes, and a whole lot of bugs. There were some boar but they were very inland so most of my food came from fishing. Hopefully something good had taken the bait I put out.

I checked the traps and felt my stomach constrict when they turned up empty. I guess it was berries for breakfast...again. I never thought I would miss cook’s dried herring jerky so much.

I grabbed a pouch and wandered back into the jungle. I was trying to forage for more than a handful of berries when I felt a small chill go up my spine. Someone was watching me. I slowly reached for my dagger and turned around.

Pan was standing behind me looking bored. “Really?” He gestured to the dagger I had aimed at him, “Aren’t we past this yet?”

“What do you want?”

“Hungry?” He held up an apple. “Probably more filling than a handful of berries.”

“And the price?” I raised an eyebrow.

“No price.” He tossed me the apple and I caught it. “I figured you might be hungry.”

“What brought on this unexpected generosity?” I cut off a slice with my dagger. “Hoping to get on my good side?”

“What if I am?” He pulled out another apple for himself. “Would that be so terrible?”

“Wasn’t it a couple of nights ago that you looked forward to me trying to kill you? Why would you want on my good side? Doesn’t that ruin your little game?”

“Can’t play the game if you die of starvation.” He shrugged. He knelt down next to me studying me from a distance. “Also, seeing as how you won’t make a move in this game I’m getting bored.”

“You don’t know what I may be planning, Pan.” I don’t even know what I’m planning.

“Oh no, I know what you’re planning. Isn’t it bad form, even for a pirate, to do someone in while they’re sleeping? Very bad form, Lady Jones. I’m a little disappointed really.”

“I--” There’s no way he could know that! “How did--”

“You’re up at the crack of dawn every day scoping my camp. You’re more than welcome to come by at a normal time for people to be awake if you’d like. We have plenty of food to share.”

“You knew?!” I fumed. I thought I had been so quiet and clever! No one had ever spotted me. No one had ever been awake. How could he have possibly have known unless... “The reason I never saw you sleeping…”

“If it makes you feel any better it was an accident that I came upon you that first day. I woke up earlier than I expected and saw you skirting the perimeter of the camp. I thought about scaring you or something like that but I wanted to see what you would do. Then you didn’t do anything and that was boring.” He groaned with a great roll of his eyes, “The next day and the day after that you kept coming back and not doing anything. I left out food close to the perimeter to see if you’d try snagging it but you didn’t. I never would have thought the daughter of pirates would be so frustratingly cautious. Shouldn’t recklessness be part of your blood or something?”

“I’m not dumb enough to charge into situations and conflicts blind. Reflexes and being able to adapt to a tough situation are one thing, researching and planning is another. I’m not in an immediate life and death situation so I prefer to be methodical.”

“Life and death, huh?” He turned the apple core over in his hands. “Let’s test that, shall we?” He chucked the apple core at my head. I ducked out of the way just in time.

“What was--” He charged at me with his dagger and I rolled out of the way. It was too early for this!

“Come now, spitfire!” He grinned like the devil, “Life and death situation, what are you gonna do?”

“I’m going to kill you is what!” I pushed to my feet and unsheathed my sword.

“Sword versus a dagger?” He asked as I took a swing at him, “Isn’t that a little unfair?”

“Coming from the boy with magic.”

“I’m not using magic now.” He teleported behind me and prodded his dagger at my back, “But thank you for reminding me.”

“Don’t.” I thrust my blade behind me making Pan jump out of the way. “You know if any real harm comes to me then my father will have your head.”

“I doubt that.” He scoffed. The dagger in his hands grew until it was a sword the same size as mine. “Do you still believe he’s coming for you?”

“I know he is.” We moved over the terrain of the jungle fighting blade to blade. The metallic sound echoing over the otherwise quiet island. The area around us grew more open and the ground softer as we stepped out onto the beach. My footing was less sure here but then Pan’s had to be too.

“You really do not want to face the truth do you?” Pan sighed. “He left you, swordfish. Your rum drunk father left you here to rot.”

“No! You’re lying!” I let my anger fuel me as I started to regain ground and go on the offensive.

“I’m not.” Pan blocked my attacks with a frustrating ease, “You wanna know how I know that he isn’t coming back for you? How I know he abandoned you here?” He twisted my blade around and knocked it from my hands. “He left because I told him to.”

“What?” I stared down the sheen of the blade he had pointed at me.

“I told him that if he abandoned you here on the island then him and the rest of his crew could go free.” Pan said.

“No.” I shook my head, “It’s another lie. You’re trying to trick me.”

“No tricks here, swordfish.” He held up his hands and the sword shrunk back to that of a dagger that he put on his hip, “I swear on my life. I came to him with an offer. A trade: you for freedom.”

I tried to go for my sword but Pan kicked it further away. My hands fisted into the sand. “Even if you are telling the truth why would you want me?” I demanded “You could have asked for anything. Why me?”

“Well at first it was because I thought that it would be funny. Hook giving up his precious daughter would cause him the most pain after all.” Pan chuckled, “But then I imagined how much fun it would be having you around. I only ever got to meet you once but you had such fire in you. Needless to say I was not disappointed. I am having so much fun with you.”

“Cause that’s what it always comes down to with you.” I said, “Everything is a fun game. You might think that but I sure don’t! These mind games you play are not fun and I will not give into them. You really think I would believe that my own father would trade me away to someone like you?”

“You should. Cause he did.” Pan looked past me further down the beach where my camp was set up. “I never thought that he’d actually do it but I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Adults are so disappointing, especially parents. Selfish enough to sell their own children off to make their lives easier.”

He spoke with a malice that bordered on vengeful. I think that was the first time I had ever seen him look truly angry. As quickly as it came upon him it left to be replaced with his cocky smile. “Consider yourself lucky. You could have ended up somewhere much worse than here.”

He waved his hand and a sack was now in his hands. He tossed me it and I almost fell back with the weight. Inside was a variety of food. “Since you’re too stubborn to come to the camp for food this should last you a couple of days. Have a nice morning, Lady Jones, think about what I’ve said.”

Then he was gone again.

I took the sack of food back to my camp and happily munched on some boar jerky within. I looked around at my camp with a growing sense of doubt. Papa...he wouldn’t trade me for freedom. He wouldn’t.

Would he?

---

(Previous) (Next)

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part six (aka me losing my mind over the final problem)

Hi, I am once again reminding you all that I've formed a parasocial relationship with the crackhead detective 👍 This made me overly emotional for the fact that he didnt even die

But like

hhhmmmmmmmm those were certainly an interesting 14 pages

Yeah, I already made a post about how the final problem relates to yuumori's final problem and how incredibly sexy it is but yes now I'd just like to relay to you how absolutely heart brocken i am over this lol I will eventually get to reading the post hiatus stories i just. I haven't emotionally recovered from this yet

Yelling below the cut somehow this reaction feels longer than the story itself. but it's about half cracking jokes and half sobbing so be prepared

I mean, starting off strong with "well yknow since i got married my and sherlock's Very Intimate Relations had to be modified and all but we hadnt seen each other in a while so it was kind of jarring to see him crawling in my second story bedroom window clutching Wounds and closing the shutters absolutely fucking wasted losing his mind over some dude named moriarty"

We've been over this but. Oh my god why are they gay

I just like????? Imagine how fucking bizzare that would be to just see your old homie crawl into your window bleeding on your floor and asking to exit the other way in case he's followed like "hey bro can we Talk i hope you're not busy" WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO, SAY HE IS? Imagine watson just like "no dude I'm fucking busy go get killed"

But legitimately. That's certainly something. And like, I see a lot of books starting like this lmao but. Holmes's stuff usually starts off kind of easily with watson going "yeah so lately ive been Experiencing Sherlock Holmes" and spend 20 minutes on exposition with them having a Conversation but no. mans just fucking escaped a hitman and went directly to his boyfriend's house having apparently Never Before In His Goddamn Life mentioned his actual nemesis to this guy. How the FUCK has watson never heard of him before.

And how sherlock starts talking about it isn't any less funny he's just like "UHHH SO THERE'S THIS GUY. THIS ABSOLUTE MAN. AND HES REALLY IMPRESSIVE I MEAN HES LIKE SUPER FUCKING SMART AND HES LIKE DOING CRIMES????? SO I LIKE. I NOTICED AS I DO BUT HE NOTICED THAT I NOTICED AND I MIGHT HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY DUDE CAN YOU HELP ME LIKE. FLEE THE COUNTRY" and watson's like my dear sherlock What The Fuck

Im also loving how he calls moriarty a "mathematical celebrity" awhi;grih;oaewhhta;ioh;iaewh;ii;oewh;eh;rg mans just. ok lol hes a Math Celebrity that had to quit his math teacher job because EVERYONE JUST KNEW HE WAS A CRIME LORD LIKE THEY TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM AND WENT MANS DEFINITELY HAS BODIES IN HIS BASEMENT I DONT WANT HIM TEACHING HERE

But yeah, it was interesting to see what the big deal about og moriarty was... especially since the deal simply did not deliver. There was not really a big deal. It's like reading the first chapter of a book and immediately skipping to the climax. Everything is so hyped up and clearly having been building for years and you just get like NO CONTEXT. I swear Moriarty wasn't goddamn mentioned any time before this. He's just suddenly the big guy and watson has just never fucking heard shit about this guy.

What's so funny about this whole situation is that I just. Cannot objectively know anything about Moriarty at all because sherlock just... does not go into what this dude's alleged crimes even were, other than. The fact that he like. Does them. He's just really involved in crimes. How? Why? For how long? In what way? For what purpose? NO FUCKING CLUE HE JUST. HE JUST DOES. And there's nothing to really suggest that Moriarty was honestly a really evil guy. They're all like trust me he was just. he was just really bad but show absolutely No examples of being such. The most evil thing we saw Moriarty do personally was call sherlock stupid for letting him get into the apartment. And even then he immediately followed it up with complimenting him lol

yeah, my impression of Moriarty was like. I expected him to be worse, honestly. I expected him to be like a cartoon villain because he was kind of made out to be one and then he's just honestly a really polite and refined guy?? Mans strolls the fuck into 221B like hi shawty and it is Not like yuumori obviously man's holding a gun but like. What the fuck they are just. They have never met before but They Clearly Have and it's. its so weird

Like honestly I don't dislike og moriarty. He's really what william tried to be (and fucking failed, but beside the point) but like. Dude's so powerful and for what. He just walks into the apartment with No Pretense like why sherlock holmes is that a revolver or are you just happy to see me oh my goodness you are a dolt why would you hold the gun that way. disgusting. disgraceful. dreadful. Oh my god. I love him I'm sorry

abngnahhghifeah;iewh and Why does sherlock describe him like that hes like "MANS A REALLY REFINED LIZARD /pos" HIEHIFEHW:HGIHOEWFEEW FOR WHAT. FOR W H A T

baaaaaaaaghhhhhh but likeeeee they went STRAIGHT to "you know what I'm here for" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "yeah" "mhm" "damn well it really do be like that sometimes" "ur really smart by the way" "im fucking aware let's kill each other as we both Thought in our Minds" "yes lets" AHDHDHDHDFS WTF THIS IS INSANE

But damn uh. mutual destruction my beloved this is very different from sherliam but im not. im not. opposed to it tucks hair behind ear

I just. Holy shit they really went "if you destroy me I will ensure that we both go down hand in unlovable hand" "I wouldn't mind that"

Annnnd I just noticed that the actual lines for this part kind of. that kind of happened in chapter 31 when sherlock was like i would Gladly die to take down the lord of crime and william was like. hahahah yeahNO NO NO NO

BUT SERIOUSLY THO IM LOSING MY MIND OVER HOW SHERLOCK SAYS THIS WHOLE THING TO WATSON AND HES LIKE DAMN SHAWTY HES LIKE THE REASON FOR HALF THE CRIME IN THIS CITY BUT HES SO NICE THO??? LIKE I EXPECTED HIM TO BE TOUGH AND EVERTHING NO HES JUST SOME POLITE PROPER UNDERSTANDABLE MAN WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIABOLICAL shawty is having a Crisis

And then watson is like wowww that was cool you wanna spend the night and sherlock is like "UNFORTUNATELY BESTIE I AM BEING FUCKING TRACKED DOWN ID LIKE YOU TO NOT DIE WITH ME"

This bit gave me a Moment Moment because oh my god. Then watson is like "no shut up i'm coming with you i don't care" and i just had to Take A Minute because THEY SWITCHED PLACES AAH SHERLOCK IS TRYING TO KEEP WATSON SAFE NOW AND WATSON IS NOW MORE RECKLESS BC OF HIM AND. AHHHH

Completely random but. How sherlock still refers to 221B as "our rooms" to watson even though watson hasn't lived their in years........ shawty i am emotional.........

SO THEY GODDAMN FLEE THE COUNTRY TOGETHER BC WATSON SAYS THEY HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND SHERLOCK HAS A MOMENT WHERE HE'S LIKE YEAH NEVERMIND PLEASE GO HOME WATSON AND WATSON IS JUST LIKE. NO. AND HSERLOCK IS LIKE. DAMN OK I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE

But. Ok as funny as this is. They have this fucking Conversation on the train to switzerland where sherlock is like "I have not lived in vain" and watson is like "YOURE NOT DYING" and hes like "i have not lived in vain. like i said. this will not be a bad way to die" UHHHHHH DAMN SHAWTY

hhhhhh and it just Gets. it. it. it Gets. These fuckers get to switzerland and they stay in a hotel and then leave for reichenbach but watson gets this goddamn letter telling him that hes needed at the hotel to basically save this lady's life. And he doesn't. Like. he doesn't even want to go he's like FUCK IT SHE CAN DIE IM NOT LEAVING YOU but sherlock convinces him to go fULLY KNOWING THE LETTER WAS FUCKING FAKED BY MORIARTY JUST AS A PLOY TO GET HIM ALONE

AND THEN HE JUST. WENT ANYWAY AND WATSON HAD TO WATCH HIM JUST LIKE GODDAMN WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET LIKE "LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD SEE HIM BUT IT JUST. IT HAD THAT VIBE YKNOW"

God I just. Wow sherlock really did that huh. He really went and did that. And I went over it in the post about this compared to yuumori but it just RUINED me how watson just. Never saw what happened and there's just so little information about it that all they have is these assumptions and pieces that just suggest that these guys met up, walked up to the goddamn waterfall having a nice civil conversation about how talented and smart they both were at this and how they revealed their methods to each other and complimented them because of course they did

And they just sat up there talking to each other so long and Moriarty legit waited politely or even possibly was the one that suggested he write a letter to watson in which sherlock just went "damn lol moriarty's pretty nice actually anyway uhhhh sorry watson ily ✌" and just like. left it up there in his damn cigarette box

But just like. damn the insinuation that moriarty just sat there and watched while he wrote that entire goddamn letter, sealed it up, and then got up and went alright buddy let's go but it makes no goddamn sense if they wanted to actually kill each other and assure they themselves would survive I could name like 23 different ways they could have managed it so easily and they Didn't. they were really set on mutual destruction huh. There's no way they were even trying to do anything but Die Together at that point and that's Something huh

It absolutely baffles me how they could say that these guys had plummetted like, holding each other tho. Like. ok lol but How Do You Even Know

It was certainly a ride. But the fact that Watson had to actively try to think like Sherlock to figure out what happened in the scene was just. The cherry on top. Especially after they'd consciously started to switch roles in this i just. Damn.

In conclusion uhhhhhhhh gay people real I suppose

[introloves]

Moments of Love.

A collection of hybrid Yoongi drabbles.

Drabble no. 3

1 2 

Pairing: Hybrid! Yoongi x Reader (Ft. Best Friend Hybrid! JK.)

Word Count: 2k

Genre: fluff, just straight fluff

Warnings: a little bit of miscommunication, mentions of prejudices against hybrids, mention of self hatred

Summary: You hadn’t gone on a date in years, due to your insecurities and workload and now you felt comfortable with staying lonely, your best and childhood friend Jeongguk however, tries his hand at being a matchmaker. 

The newborn breeze of coming fall nipped at your nose, in attempt to shield yourself from the chilling air you brought your sweater closer to you. Your shoes crunching along the pavement, your anxiety rising to a ten as you checked the time once more. You were supposed to be at the café twenty minutes ago (twenty five was standard to be polite) for your date but thanks to your coworker having to go home early, you had to stay and close up shop by yourself.

You could feel your face burn hot at the thought, this was your first date in… a long time. School and work were the only constant in your life and had been for a while, romance and any attempt to woo anyone was pretty much the last thing on your mind. Well, that and your insecurities... but it was easier to blame it on your work load.

Your friend Jeongguk however, decided that he was going to play matchmaker after a miserable night you had. You had cried into his chest while you told him that you found yourself utterly unloveable and that the person you saw in the mirror was nothing but an ugly amalgamation of everything you hated. The day after, he proudly proclaimed that you had a date with one of his older friends. He thought you two would make perfect company, you apparently had already met him multiple times, but it was hard to recall, anytime you hung out with him and his friends it was hard to keep track of the six other individuals that were always in his orbit. He proudly boasted about how it was a genius idea, his excitement was always infectious and since you knew you were in good hands with him you agreed to, it was time for a change in your life.

Jeongguk knew in his heart that this was probably his most brilliant idea. Both your personalities would mix well, and maybe just maybe, the offhanded comment about your nice smile that Yoongi had once made after seeing a picture of the two of you together had been a big factor in this set up. Jeongguk then told you about his friend, a producer from what you could recall, and this immediately piqued your interest. You were studying music and it was basically your lifeline, finding someone with your shared interest would be fun. Even if nothing romantic spawned from this outing, it was always good to make friends, and you desperately needed some. Jeongguk didn’t count, he was practically family anyways. So you decided to trust him and he planned everything for this ‘blind’ date with vigor.

You neared the coffee shop, it was small and cozy. Bulbs of lights shinning softly against the sunset, the small breeze now picking up strength. The scent of caffeine did nothing but heighten the nausea you were experiencing thanks to your nervousness...

You could back out, you thought to yourself. You could make up some excuse, you were already this late. But you decided to take the leap of faith and follow through with this. Giving yourself a mini pep talk, you whipped your shaky and sweaty hands against your jeans and tugged the door open.

The shop was close to empty, there was only a couple sitting to the corner of the store, settled comfortably against each other and one more person sitting with their back faced to you. A fuzzy, bright blue beanie adorning their head. He was dressed in jeans and a black and white stripped top. Seeing no one else who could be this elusive friend you walked towards him. You tentatively made your way to them, hoping this was actually Jeongguk’s friend.

“Y-Yoongi, uh Min Yoongi?” You questioned, hands fiddling with the hem of your sweater as you stood there.

The man with the beanie turned to look at you and your heart all but stopped beating. He was beautiful, the soft light of the café complimented his shiny skin, his eyes even softer with the atmosphere the glowing lights casting a warm hue to his eyes, a pretty shade of pink tinged his lips that were currently pursed, you gulped as you looked upon his beauty.

As he looked at you, he wasn’t faring any better. The cold tinged your cheeks and nose, he sighed in relief at the sight of you, dread and embarrassment was chewing at him at the thought of you standing him up. From the few times he had seen you around Jeongguk, he remembered your sweet smile and soft eyes. He had told him about your eyes and how cutely they twinkled when you laughed which made Yoongi all that excited to meet you formerly.

When Jeon offered to set a date with you, the cartwheels his heart was doing was a testament to how much he was looking forward to this. He had arrived ten minutes early, making sure to grab a good spot for the both of you, but as time went on and five minutes turned into almost half an hour, Yoongi had all but given up. He was kicking himself in the ass for not grabbing your phone number from his classmate. But now that you were in-front of him and his beating heart was pounding against his rib cage he really thought you looked much more beautiful up close and not stuck to Jeongguk’s side, you and him were almost always glued to each other, his bigger frame always dwarfing yours. For a bunny hybrid Jeon was surprisingly built like a tank, Yoongi had always teased him, asking him if he was sure he was a regular lop eared bunny and not from the giant lop lineage. He thought he would ease up on the teasing after seeing you nervously wring your hands and he thought it was the cutest thing ever.

“Hm, you must be Y/N.” He smiled, the corner of his lips curled ever so slightly. He looked tired, a drowsiness that was almost tangible clung to him, you wanted to die at the fact that he had waited for you here for so long. He stood up, his height shocking you, with a face as doll-like as his, the way he towered over you brought a hot chill to creep all over your face and neck this time.

You bowed immediately as he reached his full height, your eyes looking down at your shoes. He was nothing short of the most pretty man you had ever seen, but his eyes held an intense and predatory gaze. You had only encountered this aura from hybrids, especially from the feline lineage.

“I’m so sorry. I had to close up by myself, a coworker got sick and she had to leave early. I really tried getting here on time but I got lost along the way and-“ his chuckle disrupted your rant.

“Hey it’s fine, I’m glad you showed up.” His voice was like pure honey and you noticed he had a small purr to it.

He tilted his head down as a greeting, the large beanie that was placed on top of his head twitched, your eyebrows furrowed as you caught sight of the movement, the action was quick before you met his eyes again. His sharp eyes caught the look of confusion however and he guarded himself. Of course Jeongguk would forget to include a rather crucial thing about him to you.

While Hybrids weren’t all that different from those who weren’t the prejudice around them was still there. Just like anything different, some accepted them for who they were, and some didn’t.

“Ah, the kid forgot to tell you huh.” He laughed dryly. He didn’t want to be an asshole, but with past experiences, just because someone looked kind and soft on the outside, didn’t mean it stopped them from being horrible people. You looked up at him, confusion still present.

“Tell me what?” You asked, he simply grabbed the beanie he was wearing and tugged it off. His fluffy hair beautiful and black and tumbled down to his forehead. Sitting atop his head were two equally inky ears, very similar to those of a domestic cat. You then also realized that the top he was wearing was oversized, presumably to hide a tail that accompanied his beautiful ears.

“Oh.” You said. You being the painfully awkward person you were didn’t know how to progress beyond this or how to pick up on the fact that Yoongi looked extremely uncomfortable so you just looked up at him, quite dumbstruck. Now noticing the very obvious feline features he had.

“Yeah, oh.” He stated, just waiting for you to walk out of the café, but as you stared on at him with a small smile and big round eyes he figured that he had misread the situation.

A beat of silence passed until he finally sighed out,

“I’m getting the feeling that you’re okay with me being a hybrid.”

“Well yeah of course I am, am I not supposed to be?” You asked, now grabbing a chair to sit directly across from where he was sat, you were also tired from your shift after all.

Yoongi felt quite dumb at that moment, something he didn’t feel quite often. He always prided himself on being a self proclaimed genius and of course he could back up said claims but the fact that he couldn’t quite read you stunned him.

“No it’s not that it’s just that… well never mind.” He sat down as well, looking at you with a soft smile on his face. You both settled down and you once again began nervously playing with the hem of your sweater, using it to keep yourself preoccupied and so you wouldn’t openly drool at the beautiful hybrid sitting directly across from you. You laughed a bit at his reaction to you having none to his “reveal”.

“Yoongi, Jeongguk’s a hybrid isn’t he?” You questioned, of course this situation could take a turn, you knew he was being guarded due to the abuse hybrids often experienced but that’s not who you were.

“Yeah he is.” Your fingers bravely took a hold of the little pamphlet with the drinks they offered and began looking for the tea section. He simply looked on at you.

“We grew up together, his parents adopted me when I was little. His parents… two hybrids raised me. I know that doesn’t mean I can’t be a disgusting person... but that’s not who I am.” You simply stated, wanting him to know you didn’t pose any malice.

He seemed to visibly relax at your words, the iciness between the two of you slowly melting. He didn’t know how else to react but decided that two words were sufficient in how he felt,

“Thank you.” He whispered and you just smiled.

“It’s starting to get colder isn’t it.” Yoongi spoke, his hand coming up to scratch at his ears, after being tucked into his beanie all day it felt nice to have them out in the open.

“Yeah it is, the colder weather’s my favorite. I cant wait for shorter days-” You said, taking a look from the menu to the cup of coffee he had been drinking before you got there. It was already down halfway and you still felt super guilty for making him wait that long.

“I can buy you another one.” You offered, motioning down at his drink, “for making you wait.” You added sheepishly. Yoongi was a sucker for coffee and he certainly wasn’t going to decline an offer from someone as pretty as you.

The rest of the date was spent talking about each others interests and career choices, you had learned that he was producing his own music and that he had already built quite a following and connections with artists, you sat there completely in awe as he spoke about his music. He was trying to make it big in the industry and he was dead set on being the biggest producer in Korea. You hadn’t listened to any of his tracks, but the way he talked about music you knew he was in love with the art, you knew he would make it big.

The both of you were surprised with how easily you talked to one another, the conversation was never stagnant nor awkward.

Towards the end, you began yawning more and more and while you both didn’t want to end the date you knew that you had to go back into the normal world once again. But it was easy once you two realized that this wasn’t going to be the last date. And after a swapping of phone numbers, a hug that had you dizzy and two Uber’s later, you and Yoongi were both recollecting the date with hot cheeks and a smile on your faces.

That night as you fell asleep, you couldn’t help but feeling more loved than you had in a long, long time. His smile playing over and over again in your mind. He had looked at you like he thought you were the most beautiful person in the world, his eyes never left yours... even as you spoke with a small stutter and sweaty palms. He looked intrigued by you, and you felt safe with him, whatever imperfections you thought you had didnt matter, they weren’t at the forefront of your mind, he was.

You sent him a goodnight text, signaling that you would be more than open to having another date with him, you were the most brave in that moment than you had been in a while, the thought of seeing him again helped you as your thumb hovered over the ‘send’ button for a second. And before you completely knocked out, you sent a thank you text to Jeongguk.

Yoongi still couldn’t calm his racing heart, the way you looked at him while he was shyly talking about his music engraved into his eyelids. His already trembling heart once again jumped as his phone screen lit up, seeing you send him a goodnight message and knowing you were willing to go on another date with him put a smile so big it hurt on his face. He typed out, ‘I’ll be counting down the minutes till I see you again doll x” and called it a night. He knew you had stolen his whole heart and he was willing to give it to you on a silver platter.

[aprilqueen84]

When You Least Expect It (13/13) Part 2

A/N: Well here it is. The last official chapter of my first ever MC (there will be a short epilogue coming soon). I want to thank everyone who has followed me on this journey. Thank you for all the comments, likes and reblog’s I have loved them all and they have kept me going. Once again I have to thank @hollyethecurious​ for being my amazing beta and looking over my stories and I hope that you all enjoy the end of this story. 

Tag List:  @hollyethecurious​, @resident-of-storybrooke​, @kmomof4​, @jennjenn615​, @nikkiemms​, @kingofmyheart14​, @xemmaloveskillianx​, @angellifedeath​, @facesiousbutton82​, @a-faekindagirl​, @kymbersmith-90​, @winterbaby89​, @ekr032-blog-blog​, @laschatzi​, @teamhook​, @ilovemesomekillianjones​, @capswantrue​, @bmbbcs4evr​, @kday426​, @tiganasummertree​, @killianjonesownsmyheart1​, @Ifh1226-linda @met8​, @meganhinsley​, @capthamm​, @odonogosh​, @laurenlokirby​, @sals86​

If you want to catch up:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aprilqueen84

Summary: Killian and Emma had been wanting to start a family for a while now, but not had any luck. Soon they would learn that the best things happen when you least expect it. Except not everything is as it seems.

Chapter 13 Pt. 2 “The End”

When the smoke cleared Emma found herself strapped to a table. She immediately started to struggle, trying desperately to free herself.

“Emma.” A terrified voice made her suddenly stop in her attempts.

Turning her head, Emma saw that Amelia was strapped to the table next to her. The little girl was looking at her with eyes filled with tears and acceptance, knowing as well as Emma did that their chances of getting out of here were slim to none. 

Looking at Amelia all Emma could say was, “I’m so sorry.” 

A noise tore their eyes away from each other and to where Gothel was standing over a large cauldron, throwing various ingredients into it. Behind her on a shelf were several jars, each with a different colored light floating inside. Emma immediately knew what they were, the magic from the other children that Gothel had taken. 

She must have sensed that she was being watched and lifted her head to look at them. “It’s time,” she said in a quiet, almost calm voice.

When she began to walk toward them, Emma saw that her hand was glowing bright red and knew in that moment exactly how she and Amelia were going to die, by having their magic and lifeforce ripped from their bodies. 

Emma's heart hammered like a bass drum as she watched Gothel start towards Amelia first. "No!" Gothel stopped in her tracks and faced her. "Take my magic first. I'm the Savior, my powers are stronger. I won't fight you," Emma begged, knowing that while she had failed to keep the little girl safe, she could at least postpone Amelia's torment for a little while longer. 

Gothel seemed to think about it for several seconds before changing direction toward Emma. When she was finally standing over her the witch looked down at Emma with triumph on her face. 

“I told you that you wouldn’t win. You should have just handed the brat over to me and none of this would have happened.”

Emma scoffed. “Please, you still would have tried to kill me.” 

“True, but it would have quick. I intend to make you suffer, and I really am going to enjoy myself while I do it,” Gothel sneered.

Emma closed her eyes as Gothel started to raise her glowing red hand toward her. She began thinking of her family. How she never got to say goodbye to her parents and Henry, or her wonderful, loving husband, her true love.

“I’m so sorry, Killian. I love you,” she whispered as she waited for the end to come. 

Except it never came. A gasp of disbelief had her snapping her eyes open and what Emma saw shocked her. A bright white light was hovering around her, preventing Gothel from penetrating it. 

“No! How is this possible!” Gothel said in outrage as she tried again only to be jolted back by the strange light once more.

Emma had no idea what was happening, but she knew it started with thoughts about her family. So she focused on the way her mother always included her favorite dishes at Sunday family dinners, or how her dad always cradled the back of her head when he hugged her and her sweet Henry, who had such a positive outlook on everything and who made you want to be a better person. And Killian, who came into her life when she believed herself unlovable and never gave up on her, who broke down her walls to become the love of her life.

Suddenly Emma felt a pulse of energy burst from within her. The straps that had held her down and the cuff around her wrist instantly vanished. She immediately jumped from the table to find that the pulse of energy had knocked Gothel out.

“Emma!” Amelia called out from the other table.

Emma turned to see that Amelia had also been released from her bounds. “Amelia!” she exclaimed as the little girl rushed toward her and immediately wrapped her arms around her. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Amelia said as she pulled back from the embrace. “How did you do that, Emma?” Before Emma could respond, she saw Gothel start to struggle to her feet. Pushing Amelia behind her, she braced herself for whatever the witch did next.

When Gothel turned around, Emma was ready for the magic that shot her way from the witches hand. Their magic met in the middle, both fighting for the upper hand. 

“You’ll have to kill me, Emma, because I will never give up. No matter what you do to me, or where you send me, I will always come back until I have what’s mine,” Gothel said menacingly.

Emma knew she was telling the truth, knew that Gothel would never stop being a threat to her family. Almost as soon as the thought left her head Emma felt the same pulse of energy form earlier swell from within her. She felt the energy start to fuse with her magic, amplifying it, making it stronger.

Gothel noticed the chance right away. Fear immediately began to cross her features as she felt the intense magic begin to weaken hers. 

“How are you doing this?” she said, struggling to hold her own.

Emma started to move forward, the light encasing the dark with every step she took until she was toe-to-toe with Gothel, looking her right in the eyes.

“Try coming back from this." closing her eyes, Emma concentrated with everything she had until she began to feel the magic wash completely over her from head to toe and then burst from her.

Gothel began to scream as the powerful white magic started to wrap around her like a cocoon. “No! This isn’t how it was supposed to happen!” she cried out in despair as she tried to blast her way out of it.

Emma watched as the magic continued to surround her until Gothel stopped moving. She started to approach the immobilized witch with her hands still raised when suddenly her eyes widened in astonishment as a blinding light started to emanate from within the tomb-like structure. Emma quickly turned and grabbed Amelia, taking cover behind one of the tables to shield themselves as the light continued to grow brighter and brighter until the capsule finally exploded into a thousand pieces.

When the dust settled Emma opened her eyes to find Amelia looking up at her. 

“Emma. What happened?”

She shook her head at the little girl. “I don’t know, baby.” They slowly stood up to find nothing left of either the capsule or Gothel.

“Is she gone?” Amelia asked with a small wobble in her voice.

Emma looked down at Amelia, realizing that after all these years the little girl was finally free of constantly having to look over her shoulder  wondering if Gothel was going to find her. She crouched down and put her hands on Amelia’s arms. “Yes. Yes, she is.”

The little girl’s face lit up and she threw herself into Emma’s arms. “Thank you,” Amelia whispered into the crook of her neck. 

They stayed like that for several minutes, both just happy to be safe and alive when they suddenly heard noises coming from the tunnels. Startled Emma rose to her feet and put an arm around Amelia, quickly moving her over to a spot along the wall of the cave hidden from view. 

“Stay here and don’t come out until I call for you.” Emma turned back toward the tunnel opening, wondering if maybe Gothel had a contingency plan in case of her demise. “Who’s there!?”

“Emma!” A very familiar, deep accented voice called out.

“Killian!” Emma yelled, hurrying toward the opening of the tunnel where her husband's voice was coming from. 

Their eyes locked at the same time. Nothing else mattered, only getting to each other as soon as possible. They crashed into one another, their lips meeting in desperation from thinking that they were never going to see each other again.

When they pulled away from each other Killian brought his hand up to rest against her cheek. “Are you alright Swan?” he asked as he began to look around urgently. “Where’s Amelia?”

Emma reached up and took his hand in hers. “Yes. We’re fine,” she reassured him, as she looked over her shoulder. “Amelia. It’s okay to come out now.”

Peeking her head out, the little girl's eyes lit up. “Killian!” she cried out happily as she began to run over to him

Killian bent down to catch and lift her up into his arms. “Oh! I’m so glad that you're okay, little lass,” he crooned softly as he held her tight. He turned back to Emma with a perplexed look on his face. “Swan, what happened? Where’s Gothel?

Before Emma could respond, she heard several more voices coming from the tunnel, then a second later her parents and Regina came into view. “Mom! Dad!” she said joyfully, running to embrace her parents.

“Oh, Emma! We were so worried! Are you okay?” Snow asked, concerned.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Emma looked around and noticed that someone was missing. “Where’s Henry?” she asked.

“He stayed back at the convent, rather reluctantly I might say,” Regina informed her. 

“Okay good,” Emma sighed with relief. “How did you all find us?”

“It was Silver, love,” Killian stated as he made his way over to them, Amelia now standing beside him, holding on to his hook. “She left a message telling us she brewed a potion that would help us find this place,” he finished.

Emma still didn’t know how she felt about the deceased fairy. On the one hand, Silver had been in league with Gothel, but she had also given her life while trying to save Amelia and herself.

“Swan?” Killian’s voice broke through her musings.

Emma looked up into his questioning gaze. “It’s nothing, Silver...” she paused, giving him a knowing gaze, not wanting to upset Amelia with the memory of what happened. “Anyway,” she said before turning to her parents, “Mom. Dad. I want you to meet somebody. This is Amelia.”” She held her hand out for the little girl to take and brought her over to them. “Amelia, sweetheart, these are my parents, David and Snow.”

David stepped forward and bent down to greet her. “Hello, Amelia. It’s very nice to meet you.”

The little girl gazed up at them and smiled shyly. “Hi.”

“Emma, I’m sorry to interrupt but what happened with Gothel,” Blue asked as she approached the group.

“Gothel’s gone.” 

Emma  proceeded to tell them everything that had happened. From when she talked to Gothel at the hospital, to waking up imprisoned, to Silver trying to rescue them, then finally the battle with Gothel and the strange magic that had helped her defeat the witch. After she was done she took in everyone’s reactions. Her parents looked stricken, while listening to how close they had come to losing their daughter, while Killian had taken her and held it in a vice like grip. When she glanced up at him, Emma saw  his jaw was clenched with quiet rage. She could only imagine what was going on inside his head, so Emma brought her other hand up and stroked his arm lovingly.

Killian calmed instantly at the gentle touch of his wife. Just hearing about what Emma and Amelia had been through made him want to resurrect that bloody witch just so he could have the pleasure of killing her again. Taking a deep breath to quell those thoughts he then turned to Emma and gave her a grateful smile. 

“Emma. Do you have any idea what the magic was?” Blue asked her.

Emma shook her head. “No. All I know is that it wasn’t coming from me.”

Killian cocked his head. “What do you mean love?”

“Gothel used the cuffs on us, so I couldn’t use my magic and neither could Amelia. It also felt entirely different from my own magic, plus once Gothel was defeated it went away,” Emma explained.

Regina stepped forward then with an incredulous look on her face. “So, what you're saying is this magic just came out of nowhere, helped you do that,” she paused and pointed at the dust on the floor that indicated all that was left of the witch, “to Gothel and then just disappeared.”

“Yeah, that is exactly what I’m saying. Listen to be honest, right now I really don’t care where it came from. I’m just glad that this is over with.” Emma looked up at Killian. “Can we please go home now?”

“Of course, love.” Killian bent down to once again pick Amelia up then put an arm around Emma. “Let’s get out of here.”

The group (minus Blue, who had stayed behind to take care of the jars of magic) made their way through the tunnels and out of the catacombs. They emerged into a wooded area that Emma instantly recognized. 

“The Apprentices Mansion?” she asked, turning to see that the entrance to Gothel’s hideout had been directly beneath the grand house.

“Yes. We were just as surprised. My guess is that Gothel was drawn here because this place still has some strong magic associated with it,” Regina stated.

Emma remembered all too well the kind of magic that resided in the mansion. Shaking her head to clear the unpleasant memories she turned to Regina. “Will you bring Henry back to the house for me?”

Regina nodded. “Yes. Of course.”

“Thank you,” Emma said gratefully, turning to her parents she gave them a knowing look, trying to convey everything she couldn’t voice out loud. When they both gave her a nod of understanding she reached for Killian, who was still holding a now sleeping Amelia, and the three of them disappeared in a plume of white smoke. As soon as they reappeared inside their house, Killian stepped away to lay the little girl down on the sofa. 

Emma watched her husband for several minutes as he stood there silently before walking over to him and gently placed a hand on his arm. 

“Killian?” she whispered. When he turned to look at her, Emma was taken aback to see tears running down his face. “What is it?” she asked concerned.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you,” Killian said, his voice trembling.

Emma reached up and tenderly cupped his face. “Oh, Killian. I know exactly what you were going through. When I was down there, I thought I was never going to see you again, never get to hold you in my arms and.. " she stopped. Her voice cracking as she started thinking about what had almost happened down in the catacombs.

Killian wrapped his arms around Emma and held her close. They stood there in each other’s embrace for what seemed like an eternity until the sound of the front door broke them apart. They looked up just as Henry came into view.

“Mom!” Henry called out as he rushed over to her and threw his arms around her. “Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

Emma closed her eyes as she held him tight. “Oh, Henry. I’m alright,” she reassured him as she pulled back.

“And Amelia?” Henry asked, equally concerned about the little girl who he had come to care for deeply.

“She’s fine. See,” Emma said, moving aside to show him the sleeping girl on the sofa.

Henry’s shoulders slumped with relief. When his mom and grandparents showed back up at the convent alone, he'd feared the worst. Not even their reassurances that Killian, Emma, and Amelia were okay could calm him down. He needed to see for himself that they were fine, and immediately asked Regina to bring him back to the house. “I was so scared, Mom.”

Emma reached out and placed a comforting hand on his arm. “I know, Henry. I was too, but Gothel is gone and we’re all safe and together now.”

“Aye, my boy, your mother is right. Everything is going to be alright now that we are all back together,” Killian stated, joining in to try and calm his son’s nerves.

Before Henry could respond, a noise drew their attention to the sofa where Amelia was starting to wake up. The little girl blinked in confusion at first, unsure of where she was until her eyes landed on the three of them and a smile immediately spread across her face. 

“Henry!” Amelia shouted happily as she leaped from the sofa and ran over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Hey! I’m happy to see you too!” Henry said, beaming down at her. He crouched down so he could be eye level with her. “You okay, squirt?” he asked with affection.

Amelia nodded her head. “Yep. Emma saved us. She’s a hero,” the little girl replied, looking up in awe at the woman who finally freed her from the fear that one day, somehow,  Gothel would find her.

“That she is little love, that she is,” Killian agreed, giving his wife a proud smile.

Emma could feel herself begin to blush at all the praise being thrown her way. She looked to change the subject and found the perfect way out when her stomach started growling. 

“Um… anyone else hungry?” she asked, realizing that they all probably hadn’t eaten since that morning.

A series of Yeses rang out, and the four of them made their way to the kitchen. Not wanting to wait too long, they all decided on grilled cheese and soup. As they all sat down to eat, Emma looked around the table and once again realized how close she had come to losing everything. Suddenly ,a gentle hand lay upon hers and she found Killian’s gaze on her. He gave her a knowing smile and brought her hand up to place a kiss on her knuckles.

After they were finished eating, everyone could feel the day start to catch up with them and they decided to call it a night. Henry went first, climbing the stairs tiredly after one last hug from his parents. Next, Emma took Amelia upstairs to get cleaned up while Killian locked the house up.

 After she helped Amelia out of the bath and brought her to the spare room, Emma realized the little girl still didn’t have any clothes of her own, so she quickly ran to grab an old shirt for her to wear.

As soon as Emma got Amelia into bed the little girl was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She sat there for several minutes just watching her sleep until she felt a hand on her shoulder. Glancing up, she saw Killian standing behind her and she reached up to place her hand on top of his, holding on to it like a lifeline. 

“She barely made it to bed, started falling asleep as I was brushing her hair,” she told him.

“Poor lass. She’s been through so much, yet stayed so strong during it all,” Killian responded as he grasped her and pulled her to her feet. “Come on love, let’s go to bed.” 

Emma didn’t have the energy to drag herself into the shower, and decided that could wait until morning. As she was changing into her pajamas, Emma said something to Killian that had the potential to change their lives forever. 

“We still need to go to the convent and get Amelia’s things. The poor girl has been wearing the same thing for two days straight.” When she didn’t get a response she turned to see Killian looking at her in surprise. “What is it?” she asked in confusion.

“You want Amelia to come stay with us,” Killian asked, hoping she was saying what he thought she was saying.

Emma looked at him in bewilderment. “Well. Yeah. We said that we wanted her to. Remember?’

Killian walked over to where she was standing by the dresser. “Aye, love. I do. I thought it was just going to be until Gothel was taken care of, though.” He stepped closer and placed his hand and hook on her arms. “Are you saying that you want her to live with us permanently?”

Emma stared into his eyes, searching until she found what she was looking for. “Yes,” she said smiling at him.

Killian returned her smile and surged forward to catch her lips in a passionate kiss. When they pulled back he couldn’t contain his excitement. “Oh, Swan! I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.”

Emma giggled at his excitement, barely able to contain her own. "I know we haven’t talked about it, but I’ve fallen in love with Amelia and I want her to be part of our family.”

Killian reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand. “Emma, I feel the exact same way. I’ve felt this connection to her since the first moment we met her and I think she was always meant to be with us,” he said with conviction.

Emma gazed lovingly into his eyes, tears pooling in her own. “We are going to have a daughter.”

Killian let out an amazed chuckle. "Yeah. We are.” He stopped when he noticed Emma starting to sway on her feet. Realizing she was exhausted, he gently steered her to the bed. “But first you need to get some sleep, love.”

When they climbed into bed, with their arms wrapped around one another, they both fell asleep thinking about how much their lives were about to change, and knew that they would be able to overcome anything as long they had each other. 

THE END. 

[wanna-b-poet31]

A 4-Part Meta on Good Omens Part 2: Crowley’s Abuse and Trauma

This is 100% going to be a longer series on Goom Omens because I have ALLLL the thoughts on this, #Sorrynotsorry to my followers who didn’t sign up for my blog to turn into a 24/7 Good Omens one.

In Part 1 I wrote about how Aziraphale is constantly being emotionally, physically, and verbally abused by Heaven and the TLDR conclusion is that Crowley’s love for Aziraphale helps heal him from the abuses of Heaven.

Crowley, just like Aziraphale, is also dealing with the consequences of Heaven’s abuse, but it’s being compounded with the abuse, neglect, and trauma he suffers at the hands of Hell and >spoiler< presumed death of Aziraphale.  Neither have straight forward reactions to their abuse but ARE on the road to recovery.

In the beginning, there was a garden, a wily snake, an angel on apple tree duty, and a “parental” God. But, before then, before the beginning, there is a fall, a “purge” of angels who ask too many questions and cause too much trouble for Heaven to control through their intimidation and dogmatism. And here, we have the first abuse -- the fall.

Crowley is inquisitive by nature. Before Noah’s flood, we see him investigate the situation and interrogate Aziraphale with a barrage of questions. He knows right from wrong and craves answers for moral questions -- he needs to know what’s going on to protect others.  Although we don’t know what specific question caused his fall, we do know that asking questions threatens the authoritative nature of Heaven. No one is allowed to question the “great plan”, as evident by the hostile nature the angels respond to Crowley’s and Aziraphale’s attempts to save the Earth. Stringent, cold, and distant behavior punishes independent thought and, since Crowley needs answers, needs to know how to help, he’s a liability to their hierarchy.  

We also know that by the time we meet him, he’s already banished from grace and discarded like yesterday’s trash. He’s already fallen before tempting Eve into knowing the difference between right and wrong. He’s already fallen and already disowned by the almighty and her all her creations. He’s functionally alone, no unconditional love, no support, no reason for WHY what he’s done is bad or not. He’s neglected and isolated. 

We’re told several times that Crowley doesn’t really consider himself really fallen, or rather, that he’s sauntered vaguely downward. But, the truth of the matter is that he IS fallen, and we’re told explicitly it’s because he was asking questions, that “[asking questions] was all it took [to fall] before”.  And, we can see that 6000 years later, it’s still wreaking immeasurable damage to his emotional and mental health. 

Just look at his face when he’s begging to an unbending God who cast him out. He’s not spiteful (although given his treatment, he’s well within his rights to be) but desperate. He’s questioning why everything has to end, why he has to drop his home, his car, his best friend. He’s not mourning his fall (in this gif) but he’s not quite over the implications of being unloved. 

When Aziraphale says he hopes Crowley is forgiven, Azi still has faith that the angels are “good” and that forgiving Crowley would allow them to still be together, fighting for the greater good. Crowley’s immediate response though is that that’s his whole deal as a demon. He says he’s “unforgivable”.  The lack of self-esteem is symptomatic of the abandonment he’s experienced. It’s not just that he doesn’t want Heaven’s forgiveness (quite honestly he doesn’t need their forgiveness because it’s not his fault he’s been abandoned, it’s theirs), it that he doesn’t feel like he’s worthy of anyone’s forgiveness. This consequently adds to the importance of Aziraphale’s later forgiveness. It’s not that Aziraphale has been wronged, it’s cementing the idea that Crowley has worth in his eyes. That, with no strings attached, Crowley is loved and cared for, even if Aziraphale’s unwilling to run away with him.  

This is further cemented in how he responds to Aziraphale’s “nice” compliment. Unlike the genuine anger he shows the other demons, he ‘s careful with Aziraphale. Now, is it a “nice” thing to do? No. But, he’s not trying to be. Despite this, he’s careful not to hit Azi’s head against the wall, and as the gif below shows, Aziraphale’s got enough time to put a hand back behind him and brace himself against the wall. There are no defensive movements, no attempts to push back or talk his way out of the assault.  Although Azi does do that when the Angel’s confront him about working with Crowley, he knows that in this instance, Crowley is reacting to a traumatic trigger.  Crowley knows that being nice didn’t save him from falling or trauma after the fact. He’s yet to fully cope with his trauma. 

Shoutout to @greenbergsays for their excellent deep dive into this scene and being the first I can find pointing out Aziraphale’s lack of reaction.  

Hell is no better. After being cast out, there is no such thing as unity or support. Despite Crowley being great at his job, getting awards left and right, there is no trust. Hastur explicitly says as much because Crowley acts differently, and once again he’s punished for deviating from the limited acceptable behavior. Beyond the issue of trust, there is no respect and (in the series at least) Crowley’s actual work is not recognized (no, he can’t get a wahoo though he deserves one)

His “side” who he’s meant to be loyal to, meant to help win “the great war” ultimately does not care about him either. He is as disposable to them as he is/was to Heaven. 

Which is why he cares so damn much about Aziraphale. THIS is why he works so damn hard to be Aziraphale’s side. Crowley NEEDS a side that cares about him, and he knows that throughout the last 6 millennia, Aziraphale is the only one to see the world like he does; who is as strange and rebellious as he is; who has fallen in love with humanity like he has. Aziraphale loves hard, but also honestly. Unlike Heaven, Hell, or God, there are no strings attached to the love they share. Crowley isn’t secretly trying to manipulate Aziraphale into “falling”, Crowley knows just how important Azi’s identity as an angel is to him and Crowley goes out of his way to affirm and reaffirm Aziraphale’s identity.  

   The relationship he’s developed with Aziraphale makes walking in on his burning home the worse traumatization post-fall. Look at the pain and anger on his face when he realizes his best friend to be dead.  Crowley KNOWS running into that building that the only way for his Angel’s bookstore to be on fire is if Aziraphale is dead or dying.  Without Aziraphale, Crowley is alone. Unquestionably, undeniably, permanently alone.  Just like when he was in Heaven. Just like after the fall. Just like in heaven. 

You can call it what you like, romantic, platonic, best friend, lover, or queer, but the grief at this moment consumes him. His loss triggers the neglect and isolation given to him by God during his original trauma. Once he’s realized, fully realized, that he’s alone without anyone left on his side, he has nothing left to fight for. Look at the grief on his face, he’s mourning, and resigned to the end of the world, because there’s no world without his support system, without his family. He has no one left to help him cope.

 Although, one of the ways Crowley DOES try to come is through his alcoholism. Although both Aziraphale and Crowly drink often, Crowley is more prone to excess and is more frequently getting drunk as a way to deal with tragedy. Although alcoholism has a heavy genetic component, his first response is to any stress is to drink. And, there are several studies linking alcoholism to trauma.  

Also, Crowley is retraumatized the same day by the loss of his car, compounding all of the different struggles of the day (the “loss” of Azi, the rejection of Heaven and Hell, the end of the world, his apartment being invaded by murderous demons). Losing his car, his only other reliable companion, his comfort zone, leaves him at rock bottom. 

It is only Aziraphale who can help him cope with the losses and redirect on their impending doom. 

It is only Aziraphale who can help him focus through the panic of seeing his car burning before him, of ending Apocalypse before it starts,  and facing his worst fear -- Satan himself.  

It is only Aziraphale, who, despite Crowley’s overpowering resignment to death via Satan, Crowley trusts enough to refocus and come up with a plan to help Adam cause Armaggedon’t.  

Which brings me to the final trauma -- his torture. Crowley is aware of the abusive behavior in Heaven, and while he couldn’t have known he would have gotten a trial in Hell (albeit an unfair one), he does not witness it. Instead, he poses as Aziraphale and endures some of the specific psychological torture intended for his best friend. Although he knows he can survive Hellfire, there is trauma in KNOWING his best friend wouldn’t have. There is trauma in being told to shut his face and die. There is trauma in not receiving a trial.  (I’ll unpack this more in part 3)

The only thing that enables Crowley to survive, to work through this trauma, is his relationship with Aziraphale.  He goes out of his way to inspect the resurrect the book shop, to “tempt” Aziraphale to lunch, to indulge and maintain his best friend.  He does things that make the Angel comfortable and does not once lie or violate his trust. Always, he’s on their side. Although he storms out 3 times in the show, he always uses it as breathing room, before once again seeking Aziraphale out, willing to drop everything to run away together. 

Since Heaven and Hell have disregarded him, treated him as less than dirt, he approached Aziraphale AS EQUALS. Their dynamic (Which I’ll go into more later) is not on uneven footing, and both parties treat the other with a kindness neither of them is offered by their respective worlds.  

TLDR:  Aziraphale's love helps Crowley cope with his trauma and their no-strings-attached relationship enables him to begin healthier healing processes despite the abuses of Heaven and Hell.  

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[chickennoodlesoupfortae]

Bts Reactions

Summary- the members reactions to you crying while on a walk, some happy tears others not :(

A/n- Will anyone believe me if I say where I live it’s Monday and not Wednesday at 10 pm. I hope you enjoy and request are always open so please ask away.

Warnings- none pure fluff with a sprinkle of angst

Word count- 2k

Enjoy!

Jin

You both had been dating for a very long time and were engaged

Truly soulmates, you were the couple who were friends before lovers and your strongest allies, partners, and supporters

You were each other's people

You were in California for the American leg of the tour

Jin had convinced management to let him go out for a little in a baseball cap and sunglasses to walk the Santa Monica pier with you.

“Look let’s sit here for a minute (y/n)” he walked over to a bench for two overlooking the ocean

“It’s so beautiful jinie” you laid your head on his shoulder

“Not as beautiful as you baby,” he said trying to get you to laugh at his cheesy remark

“Shut up,” you said

Suddenly it all hit you

You were marrying the love of your life and were travelling the world with the one person you wanted to see it with

Your eyes started watering

You were so happy and you couldn’t believe it

Most of your life you had believed that you were unlovable and were going to die sad, but there you were happy and in love

Jin noticed you were quiet and looked to see a steady stream falling from your eyes as you looked out to the distance

“Are you okay (y/n)” he asked in a quiet soothing voice trying not to disturb you

“Yeah.” you went quiet for a moment trying to put your bliss into words “I’m just so happy to be here with you.”

His whole world would explode

He died, his heart would just burst because he loved you so much

“I-” he would get choked up “Love you too” he would kiss your hair and you two would stay there for a while looking out into the ocean and seeing the sunset

Yoongi

You both were in Paris on vacation for once

He was telling you a story from his childhood and you started laughing which made him laugh which made you laugh harder because he rarely laughed

You both were now in a corner laughing

You looked around you and realized how crazy your life was

You were living a dream and you didn’t even notice

You started tearing up both from realization and from laughing too much

He would wipe away your tears and smile giving you a quick peck

“Awwww Yoongi my heart can’t handle you” you would say as he opened the door to the cafe

“Get used to it (y/n) cause I’m not going anywhere”

Hoseok

He had been on tour for months now and you two had talked every day through all the platforms you had

He decided to come home early and surprise you

You were walking to your shared apartment from work that had been so empty lately when you felt someone grab your hand

Your first instinct was to scream but he spoke before you could

“Hey (y/n) what are we having for dinner today” he gave you his gummy smile

“Hobi” you dropped your bag and jumped on him hugging him suddenly you started balling “I missed you so much bab-don’t-you can’t leave me ever again.” you were sobbing now

“(y/n) sweetie I’m back I haven’t forgotten my baby-”

“Shut up hoseok I will kick you.” you said “you’re not allowed to talk for the next hour while a process the fact that you’re back”

He laughed hugging you hard before letting go and picking up your bags

You both walked to your home in silence while you held hi free hand and periodically told him how mad you were that he left and how he wasn’t allowed to leave your sight ever again

Namjoon

You two were getting lunch in between one of his meetings

“Wow this is good here try some” he scooped  some noodles on to your plate

You laughed at how he managed to make  a mess

“You’re so clumsy.” he gave you a fake pout

“Aww that’s what makes you so charming,”  you said teasing

“I thought it was the dimples,”  he said pointing at both of them while smiling at you with his eyes closed

“Let’s call it even and say it’s everything about you” you were being corny but that’s what you loved to do in moments like this.

“You’re so corny.” he laughed

“You love it.” you continued eating

Both of you left the place when he got a call

“Ohh it got cancelled” he made a stern face as if they could see him. “Oh no I understand I’ll just take the day off you can tell the team to prep but go home otherwise”

“Did you hear? You’re stuck with me all day.” you hugged his arm as you continued strolling.

You both were quiet and enjoyed your surroundings as you so rarely got to do.

You noticed that the leaves were starting to wilt signalling that fall was approaching. It was the perfect weather, warm but not too hot and humid but not muggy. The streets weren’t crowded as it was the middle of the workday and most had returned to their jobs

You spotted a schoolyard where it seemed to be recessed and caught the eye of a young girl with jet black hair

She was holding a rose and a boy kissed her on her cheek

He was looking at the scene happening before your eyes

“If we ever had a daughter you can bet your bottom I wouldn’t let any boy give her a flower.”

You looked up at him “Really I thought it reminded me of us and how you always bring me flowers.”

“I’ll always bring you flowers.” he was being soft

“Even if we’re eighty and shipped to a retirement home?”

“No, we’d never be in a retirement home. I’ll build you the biggest garden in all of Korea and fill it with roses and gardenias. Every day I’ll pick one and bring it to you with my cane and my robot who will walk for me as I complain about it being too slow” He was so genuine and sweet that you couldn’t take it.

“I’ll yell at the robot too and I’m sure all the maids will be scared.” he chuckled at your joke

“ I’ll stay with you forever,” he said

“I don’t need forever if I have you.” you hadn’t even noticed but a tear fell down your eye.

“It doesn’t matter if you're getting forever.” he completed your thought as he wiped away the tear.  you both continued walking

Jimin

(can we talk about this gif i-)

You and jimin were taking a quick walk around the block to pick up something to eat

As you entered the restaurant he was recognized by a group of fans

This was a normal occurrence when he wasn't wearing sunglasses or a mask both of which he left at home

You were standing behind him and kindly asked for a table for two

You both ate your dinner in silence

Jimin had been so busy lately and was answering emails the entire time and with many failed attempts of getting his attention you gave up and ate in silence

You both left the restaurant and were walking back when you decided to skip your home and continue on

 He followed you not noticing you had missed your home being too concentrated on his phone

You put on a pair of headphones and the first song that came on was space cowboy by Kacey Musgraves(go stream that shit)

You looked at the trees in the nighttime sky and fell into thought as the only country song you had on your playlist played

Soon you felt a couple of tears welt in your eyes as his hand wrapped around your waist

“Hey honey, I’m sorry things have been crazy at work” he started talking looking ahead not having noticed yet

You took out your headphones and looked up at your boyfriend looking at his surroundings for the first time that night

You kept on walking looking down at the pavement letting yourself blend into the background hoping things would get better

Taehyung

It had been a bad week, no it had been a terrible week

The work environment was terrible and you had taken on overtime due to lack of staff meaning the two of you had seen each other even less than usual

You were walking yeontan with him now that the week was finally over

“So how was your week I feel like we haven’t talked at all,” he asked holding onto your hand and the leash on the other as you rested your head on his shoulder

“Not so great, works been overwhelming lately,” you responded

“Tell me about it, we have the comeback in the works again even though we just had one and so many shows” he sighed

“I hate this.” you sighed back

“Me too I wish sometimes that I could leave it all behind” he paused “but then I remember how blessed I am to have the opportunity I have.” he looked down at you

“It’s tough though, I mean it’s selfish but I-I don’t get to see you for months at a time and you never get a break. I don’t know, sometimes I wish that for you too” you were in a bad pessimistic mood

“I know but we can’t think like that,”  he replied in a calm tone

“Why? I’m so tired tae, so tired.” you started tearing up and then full-on crying

He immediately  wrapped you in his arms letting you cry it out in the middle of the street

Jungkook

You were walking around the stadium the group was going to be performing in the next day going from level to level exploring with him

You got to the top floor and sat down on the top chairs

You lean your head on his shoulder

“Damn babe I’m so proud of you, this place is huge.”

“I know it’s kinda scary” his eyes were sparkling in excitement

“I’m gonna be screaming the loudest out of all these people.” he laughed as you waved your hands around imitating the crowd

You started laughing too

“I’m not so sure about that (y/n) they can  be pretty loud” you raised an eyebrow

“Watch me” you stood up feeling a little scared because of how high you were

You breathed in closing your eyes preparing to yell as loud as you could.

“I LOVE JEON JUNGKOOK MORE THAN ANYONE!”  the words echoed through the empty stadium causing you to duck in embarrassment seeing all the staff look up to figure out who was screaming scared it was a sasaeng

Jungkook was wheezing and turning red from laughing causing you to laugh along with him

“I’ll do it better than you watch” he said through laughs

“No don’t kookie they’re gonna yell at us” you tugged on his jacket

He looked down at you with a devious smile

“I LOVE Y/N MORE THAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD!” the words echoed throughout the stadium louder than yours

You both started laughing again

“SHUT UPPPPP” you heard jin scream from one of the lower levels

This caused both of you to laugh ten times as hard

“I love you so much” tears were rolling down your eyes

“I think everyone knows now” he laughed  wiping them away

[undertaleheadcannonsfromagremlin]

Inspired By A Dream-

Flinching awake, you blinked owlishly, heart beating rapidly, your damp clothes were crinkled, but dryer than they were after you got out of the river. Your eyes landed on the male next to you, a hitched breath escaping you as you realized who it was, and that things weren’t a dream. You ignored the strange looks given to you by strangers, and instantly placing a hand on his shoulder and gripping it tightly. “What the actually fuck have you got us into,” you hissed, the male wincing in return, he was quite a few years younger than you, seven at the most. 

“I-I didn’t know that he would take it that far- I just- I was-” he sputtered, not exactly explaining how he found those two men, and how they were absolutely dangerous with what they had planned. 

“You’re going to be the reason why we die, why you sister dies, why everyone would die at the theater. And you’ve got no excuse as to why you’ve given them the idea to do that.” You lowered your voice to an angry whisper. You cannot fathom how stupid he can be. 

“I-I-” he had nothing to say. Absolutely nothing can redeem him now. The bus creaked to a stop, mainly the stop that you two would take, you got up, along with the younger male, giving him the cold shoulder. He was an idiot, wracking your brain to figure out why he did that wasn’t going to help either. And... Honestly, your brush with the other two males scared you... They knew you- acted as if you had talked to them before, like old friends, but that was the first time you met them... 

Arriving at the theater, you briskly walked inside, the male following you looking absolutely defeated. “Y/n, you found him!” your friend, Danielle called out, excitedly coming towards you, her brown hair was neatly but, and her glasses seemed to reflect the light in a way that makes you think if was bound to happen. 

“We’ve got a problem.” you spoke, not going into further detail as you pushed her younger brother forward, and he was the one left to explain.

Her features paled after realizing the mess that was created due to her brother. Of course he would get into a bad crowd, hell, a crowd that was willing to kill people- for whatever reason. You weren’t entirely sure as to what you all were going to do. This was terrifying, they were terrifying. And in all honesty, you were completely lost on how you all will deal with these events. The police weren’t an option, because, well, where you lived they weren’t ideal- hell, even more chaos would ensue if you even tried to get some to actually be there to protect the theater. But... No.

So, you were going to come up with a plan, and it had to ensure that you took the aggro of the two men that will surely come, you’re unsure if they’d even be bringing weapons along or not, hopefully not, considering the leader, the male with dark, messy hair and dark eyes had wielded a sawed shotgun, one that you had the displeasure of being held at gun point earlier- that was unpleasant. 

...

Hours passed, and with a grim expression, you watched as the theater was flooded with people coming to see the show, you weren’t thrilled for it either. You just knew that he would be there. “Y/n, come on. We’ll deal with them when they arrive. Trust me.” Danielle spoke, seemingly out of nowhere, making you jump. 

“I...” you weren’t going to speak about your unease, instead just dropping the topic all together. 

...

Everything seemed to go so fast, that the first act went by before you even realized it, and yet, they hadn’t showed up. A light scowl was on your face, as the dread was inevitably increasing, you just knew that he was there. And yet, there was nothing that you can do about it. A scene, a troublesome, and gruesome scene was going on, and you were about to contribute as your character, before you felt hot breath on your neck, a grim look was now on your face. “You know, with how you look, I’m surprised you even left in the first place. You’re unlovable, atrocious, and I know that you’d come crawling back to me, begging for me to show you attention, to love you. But why wait, when I can take you now.” A piercing pain went through your back, and you felt your costume was starting to get wet. This son of a bitch-!

- 

That’s where the dream ended cause I immediately woke up after that lmao, I hope you enjoyed, guys, and trust me, the yandere-like character was totally cute- I woke up red faced, he was too mean to me though ;-;

So, I apologize that this wasn’t exactly related to undertale, but like, I just got so inspired to write about my morbid af dream with a cutie that literally wanted to kill/love me. So yeah, this dream literally made me wake up as soon as I got stabbed. And the whole police thing, I just added when awake cause like, dream me didn’t even think about the police, because, well, dreams are illogical. So yeah, my dream yandere was a real cutie though, so bonus points for that. Basically the yandere used my own insecurities against me, that dick, lol, he was fun, I stole his shot gun in the dream. Idk how he knew dream me, because he seemed to know a lot. I just rolled with it, it wasn’t actually that scary

So like, I guess this is a yandere x reader, of a sort- a bitch yandere more than anything

[lemonysnidget]

Dead Wrong

Or “Who is Beatrice Snicket’s father?”

Reading The End when it first came out, I remember finishing the book and being somewhat bewildered, somewhat dissatisfied, thinking “okay how is that related to anything that came before????”, but also overall thinking “Wow, I’ve got more questions than when I started reading this book.” That’s not to say that I didn’t like the book, or that I didn’t feel like it wrapped up the overarching theme of the series is a really great way. I enjoyed The End, but it’s very different in tone from the rest of the series, and it doesn’t answer a lot of questions you go in with. And even before Chapter 14, you have so many more questions that also won’t be answered. That’s a bold move on Handler’s part, and it’s a rare thing in Children’s Lit (and a lot of fiction overall). 

One of the big questions that has stuck with me as a fan throughout the years - and sparked a few conversations during lunch block with my friends - is Just who is Beatrice’s father? It’s a question you don’t even realize that you could ask until 13.13, and then you’re just kind of stuck with it for the rest of your life. Are the Baudelaire orphans raising the daughter of their former enemy? It’s a great question for Handler to leave the audience with. 

Let’s dive into the significance of why wondering about Beatrice’s father is big, and what implications it has for the meaning of the book.

Reading the series the first time around, you might not even think to ask who is the father of Kit Snicket’s baby. Kit’s presence in TPP is so quick that you might not even have the chance to wonder - I certainly don’t remember even thinking about it, since there were so many other questions to be asked at the time. But, once you have Dewey whisper Kit dramatically before he drowns, the answer seems obvious. You do wonder why Kit didn’t mention Dewey’s existence to the Baudelaires, but you don’t linger on it. You realize that “my brother sends his regards” in Frank’s note is actually talking about Dewey and is kinda cute (or creepy depending on how you’re looking at it) and not a code. And if you didn’t get all of that because the book moves at such a breakneck speed, by the last couple pages of the book, you get this line: 

For another terrible moment, it felt like the boat was going to sink into the water, just as Dewey Denouement had sunk into the pond, guarding his underwater catalog and all its secrets, and leaving the woman he loved pregnant and distraught. (12.13)

Pregnant? Distraught? Sounds like Kit Snicket. So, we have confirmation that Dewey loved Kit (or that Lemony thinks that Dewey loved Kit). And it’s phrased in a way that really makes you inclined to think that there’s little ambiguity on the matter of who impregnated the Snicket lass. 

You get to The End, and everything seems to continue down that same train of thought. Kit asks the Baudelaires specifically about Dewey, and hopes that he will join them too. And then when she finds out Dewey is dead, she just gives up. She tells the Baudelaires: “I've lost too many people—my parents, my true love, and my brothers” and you immediately think she’s talking about Dewey (13.13). You don’t even question it. You just accept that she’s talking about Dewey and move on. But then... suddenly it changes.

"I've lost too much to go on— my parents, my true love, my henchfolk, an enormous amount of money I didn't earn, even the boat with my name on it." (13.13)

There are very few times I’ve actually mentally heard a record scratch in reaction to something, but this was one of them. I remember just stopping and staring at the page for a few seconds, thinking I had misread something. I then flipped back a couple pages to confirm that yep, the parallel structure between Kit’s and Olaf’s statements wasn’t in my head. And I knew that there was absolutely no way that it was an accident. (The in-universe record scratch for the Baudelaires happened with the kiss.)

Handler’s a skilled writer, and he knows enough to be extremely deliberate with his words and phrasing. He knows the importance of punctuation. Even if he might make fun of Aunt Josephine, he uses grammar so well that it’s clear he does care how sentences are structured and how punctuation or the splicing of sentences can provide nuance. No writer worth their salt would have these two sentences in the same chapter (let alone a flip of a page away) if they weren’t trying to say something. Not only do you have similar words and sentiments, there’s similar sentence structure and punctation! These two lines are supposed to go together. And this isn’t even the first time that Olaf and Kit have had very similar lines, in fact in TPP, both Kit and Olaf say "A taxi will pick up anyone who signals for one” matching each other word to word (12.1, 12.9). Perhaps while reading TPP, you didn’t notice it or you assumed it was some kind of code or aphorism of VFD, so you didn’t pay it much mind. But, in hindsight, it seems that Handler was already hinting at Kit and Olaf having a very deep connection. 

More than just parallel structure, Handler has a major, major departure from tone of the whole series and the characterization of both Kit and Count Olaf. ASOUE is not a series that focuses on romance, and it certainly does not advocate the notion of true love - maybe you’d find that in The Pony Party or The Littlest Elf. Love in ASOUE is not a permanent thing, and it is not a good thing. Beatrice 1 moved on from Lemony and was very happy in the life she chose. Charles’ love for Sir was not at all healthy. Esme and Jacques marriage is hardly a fairy tale (more a Russian novel). And even though Lemony seems to carry an ever enduring torch for Beatrice, he never refers to her as his true love. No one mentions true love. But, at the end of The End, pragmatic, Machiavellian Kit brings it up for the first time. It’s a little bit jarring. And then when Count Olaf says it, the reader is asked once again to step back and re-evaluate their understanding of the story’s villain, and the story itself. 

Continuing on that theme of forcing you to re-evaluate a man readers have spent 13 books seeing as a deplorable/disgusting/unloveable individual, Handler gives Olaf and Kit the most intimate moment in the whole series when Kit reaches out to touch Olaf’s tattoo and recite a love poem to him. Two dying individuals on the opposite side of a war, just connecting one last time, to recite poetry to each other. Taken out of context, it seems pretty damn romantic. 

And what does Olaf do in response to Kit’s love poem? He ruins the moment by abridging a poem about the cyclical nature of misery and pain, how children inherit their parents trauma’s, and the best way to avoid passing that burden on is to not have kids and die. Let Olaf say fuck, cowards. Charming thing to say to a pregnant woman in the process of giving birth, eh? Definitely a very Olaf thing to do. Is he just being an asshole? Or is there something else going on? 

At that point, there is no choice but to consider the possibility that Olaf is the father of Kit’s baby. Handler wants us to wonder if Beatrice’s birth is book ended by her parents deaths. 

No doubt, in the year that follows on the coast shelf, the Baudelaires asked themselves just that. Are they raising the child of the man who relentlessly pursued them and who they believe murdered their parents in revenge? They would have definitely done the math and realized that their series of unfortunate events took less than 40 weeks, safely allowing Olaf to have fathered Beatrice before becoming their guardian. 

You can almost see Violet, Klaus, and Sunny searching Beatrice’s face as she grows up, looking for any similarities or clues as to who her father is. Unfortunately, Beatrice “look[s] very much like her mother” so they might never have come to a conclusion (13.14). But, the fact that even with the ambiguity and doubts the Baudelaires still lovingly raised the possible child of the person who they believe made them an orphan is huge. It shows that VFD’s cycle just might be broken. Unlike Olaf, who wasn’t able to let go of the fact that his parents were murdered by at least one of the Baudelaire’s parents and who let it turn him into a twisted villain, the Baudelaires give Beatrice a family, and they don’t let any doubts get in the way of raising her and loving her. And that flies right in the face of everything that has come before.

Instead of the intergenerational passing down of trauma, abuse, and pain that is a part of VFD and the story as a whole, the Baudelaires stand up and stop the cycle. The Baudelaires did not become like Count Olaf, despite their unfortunate events. The Baudelaires rose above their trauma. 

They directly contradict Olaf’s dying words. Man doesn’t have to hand misery to man, and your parents don’t have to fuck you up. Trauma does not have to be something that’s passed on as an epigenetic trait. You can have a terrible childhood, and you can grow up and make sure that whatever you suffered doesn’t happen to the next generation. This is a major takeaway point from the series. 

The ambiguity over Beatrice’s paternity is essential to the overall arc of ASOUE. It completes the circle, and it is a powerful message. So powerful, in fact, that Handler actually decided he had to include it, even if originally, he hadn’t planned on it. 

Handler has talked about how he had to rework some of TPP because of one throw-away line in TBB. But, he hasn’t talked about how suddenly, between TGG and TPP, Kit became 9 months pregnant.

In the driver's seat was a woman the Baudelaires had never seen before, dressed in a long, black coat buttoned up all the way to her chin. On her hands were a pair of white cotton gloves, and in her lap were two slim books, probably to keep her company while she waited.(11.13)

The Baudelaires can see her lap in TGG - Kit was not in her third trimester when Handler originally penned TGG. But, “her belly had a slight but definite curve” as of TPP (12.1). This is a ret-con, folks. Handler can’t change the fact that he had the Baudelaires be able to look into the car and see that she had two books in her lap instead of resting on top of a very pregnant belly, so he tries to act like nothing happened and hopes the readers won’t notice the contradiction. A woman who is about to give birth would have more than a slight curve, I might add, but that’s not exactly important.

Obviously, Kit being pregnant was vitally important to Handler’s story. So important that he contradicted himself, something that he went to great lengths to avoid doing in the same book. If Beatrice’s father was supposed to be Dewey - a character who was only in one book, who supported the Baudelaires rather than challenged them - then Handler would not have done this. Beatrice wouldn’t have been written in if Dewey was meant to be the obvious father. The Baudelaires raising Dewey’s daughter doesn’t really add anything to the story, and it would present far too small of an arc (just the last two books) to be worth it. 

So why even have Dewey be romantically connected to Kit at all? Why not just not give a candidate for who the father of Kit’s baby is until we see her with Olaf? Well... to quote the show:

ASOUE is filled with mysteries. Handler loves weaving them. He loves giving you a few clues here and there, and sometimes giving you enough clues to solve the puzzle on your own, and other times, he deliberately withholds stuff just because it suits his narrative aesthetic. And a lot of the time, he deliberately misleads or misdirects you. 

When it comes to Dewey and Kit’s relationship, Handler gives us enough to connect the dots, but connecting them isn’t necessarily the right thing to do. While it is entirely possible that Dewey and Kit were sexually involved, it is very important to note that Handler does not actually give us any confirmation that Dewey’s feelings were returned or if he and Kit actually were intimate. Dewey loved Kit, yes, that is a fact, but loving someone is not enough to create a baby with them. That’s not actually how it works, even if a lot of sex talks might want you to think so. 

Kit and Dewey were not living together. If Kit and Dewey were planning to co-parent together as a couple, Kit would not be solely responsible for “[choosing] wallpaper for the baby's room” - they would be choosing it together, but instead, Dewey is still living with his brothers at at the Hotel at all hours (12.2) Further support for this is that were Dewey and Kit together, Frank wouldn’t have to act as a go-between for Kit and Dewey by telling her “my brother sends his regards” (12.2). Dewey would have been able to give Kit his regards himself... and he probably wouldn’t be giving regards. For a couple that’s romantically involved, that sounds incredibly formal! In fact, Kit actually describes Dewey as “a wonderful gentleman” (12.2). A similarly stiff way to refer to someone... not to mention the fact that referring to someone as a gentleman is frequently used in the context of a guy not being to forward or taking advantage of a situation sexually where he could have ignored the woman’s boundaries. It really does sound like Dewey, despite loving Kit after years of working with her, wasn’t actually physically intimate with Kit. Dewey’s love, therefore, seems to have a lot more in common with the courtly love of Dante and Beatrice rather than an erotic love.

That doesn’t mean they weren’t mutually emotionally intimate, creating a very strong bond. Kit was obviously extremely distressed by his death and they did work together for years. But, it’s hard to know if Kit was upset to find out about the death of her child’s father or if she was upset because her friend and everything that they had worked for was gone. Or both. Either one is pretty devastating. 

Olaf in book canon is more likely than not Beatrice’s father, for meta reasons and “in universe” reasons. Olaf being Beatrice’s father is consistent with the textual evidence, whereas the textual evidence does not support Dewey and Kit having a serious or even sexual relationship. The Baudelaires considering the possibility that Olaf is Beatrice’s father is absolutely essential for the meaning of the series. The Baudelaires, who unlike us cannot go back and pick apart the text, have to have their doubts, but they treat Beatrice in a way that the prior generations of VFD could not comprehend. 

So you might wonder, Does Olaf know? Does he consider the possibility for Beatrice being his daughter? For him, the matter might be pretty unambiguous, since he has knowledge that the Baudelaires, Lemony, and us the readers don’t have. Perhaps he knows that she isn’t, perhaps he knows she is, perhaps he doesn’t know one way or the other. Regardless, Olaf doesn’t care. Olaf was more than willing to claim he’d kill Kit and her unborn child at the start of The End, but when it comes down to it, Olaf chooses to suffer a lot of pain, prolonging his death, to help the both of them. Darwin might argue that Olaf being Beatrice’s father takes away the selflessness of the act. But, Darwin would be ignoring Count Olaf’s dying words: “Don’t have kids yourself.” Count Olaf did not want to become a father, but he suffers greatly to ensure that Kit’s child is born. 

That is a noble act. 

You could say it would be more noble if it were Dewey’s daughter, but I disagree. Why would Olaf care whether Dewey’s daughter lived or died? He wouldn’t. Olaf’s act is selfless because Beatrice isn’t Dewey’s daughter. 

On the topic of Netflix, and speculation for the third season: 

Do I think the show is going to go this route... possibly. Though the casting of a younger woman to play Kit and a younger man to play the Denouements makes it seem a little bit less likely that they would go for it. But, I do find it interesting that Netflix deliberately added the cake tasting scene in TBB.

Perhaps it might have just been to foreshadow to complicated relationship between Lemony and Olaf, but, it’s interesting that it’s cake when we know that cake is what Beatrice Snicket wants to bring along with her on the boat to escape the island - "Cake!" shrieked the baby, and her guardians laughed (13.14). 

“Cake” is the only non-babytalk line that Beatrice says, and the fact that Handler chose to have Beatrice love cake of all things not to long after he has Lemony inform of us of the fact that Dewey was able to document twenty-seven cakes “that Olaf has stolen” (12.13). Handler wanted to remind us of just how much Olaf loves cakes just before The End. Sure, he’s not the only character who likes cakes, but it is an interesting choice on Handler’s part, and an interesting choice for Netflix to include that scene.

In about a week, we’ll know what route they decided to take with the Netflix adaptation, but I do believe that they have set up the potential for Beatrice being Olaf’s daughter should they choose to keep Beatrice’s line about cake. 

And there you have it, the meta I have had in my ‘drafts’ for six months because I kept on writing it and scrapping it. 

[eyeforgold]

Prompt #17: Wilt

"A few more steps. You're nearly there, boss. He's very close and then, it won't hurt anymore, think of Phiros."

"It hurts... Phi, I wanna see my Phi." Come the words from the struggling Miqo'te, her limbs burning with every step she takes. I won't falter. I won't fail you, my love.

A heavy sigh is released as her foot finally touches the upper floor of their mansion, Moriarty smiling at her as she keeps close to the Miqo'te, her dark hands hovering over the Miqo'te shoulders, ready to catch her should she fall.

"Phiros?" Ruby calls out as she slowly approaches their large canopy bed. Unable to see in such darkness, she is loathe to awaken her husband so abruptly but they have very little time to spare as the aether burns her from the inside.

The older hyur woman turns on the light, familiar with her employer's house and only notices a neatly made bed, clearly lacking one Au'ra man. Ruby can only blink at the empty bed, surprised and unable to comprehend what is happening. Where could Phiros have gone so late into the night?

Her confusion turns to anger as she notices a thin white square on Phiros' pillow and limps up to it, her control on the overwhelming aether fraying as her anger swells. Before she even begins reading the note in her hand, she snaps at her employee, her whip like voice echoing in the bedroom, the wooden feet creaking and breaking off the bed along with the crack of her words.

"Find him! FIND HIM!"

Sizzling hot tears run down her cheeks as she reads her husband's letter, wishing her to find another love and to remember him. The mansion shakes in her fondations as Ruby clenches her bloodied fist to hold on to the slippery aether. Her body was not made to host such a quantity of aether, not even the previous Padjals she murdered had as strong an aether as Kan-E-Senna. Narrowed eyes look down at her hand, still covered in the blood of Gridania's beloved leader.

It had taken months of intense stalking and constant reports to find this one occasion for Ruby to syphon her aether and Phiros wished to be remembered?! After she had succeeded twice at mending his broken aether slightly, pushing back the time of his death! He wishes for her to move on?!

"Stupid idiot big dumb lizard husband! Where did you go?! What do you expect me to do without you?"

As her words echo into the empty bedroom, Ruby feels more in control over the Padjal's aether, her palms no longer burning at the aether leak though the pain is ever present. A glance down at her hands shows unblemished skin, belying her fifty-two years of age and resembling more her thirty year old's body, the aether hurting and healing her body at the same time, causing her to revert to a more youthful appearance as long as the aether remained within her. Once she has used it on Phiros however...

Bah, no use thinking about that when her love could be dead in a goddamn ditch somewhere. It has now been an hour since she has sent Moriarty to track down her husband, her missing heart, as she reads and rereads his farewell note. It is disgustingly Phiros like in every way, wishing her happiness, leaving her hidden presents, getting people to watch over her. And yet, he had all but forgotten one thing: she could not and would never give up on him. No matter the cost.

Perhaps if she had told him how she had managed to draw in such quantities of aether twice over the past eight years, he would have understood. Nevertheless, she had chosen to keep silent as to the blood on her hands, the blood she has willingly shed in his name.

After another hour of painful ruminating over the now crinkled letter, her ears catch the sound of incoming footsteps, a fast pace that was barely short of a run. Heavy and careless. Adler.

Though he tries to hide it, her retainer cannot cover quickly enough his wide eyes at seeing her look much younger. The man takes a second to compose himself before resuming as if nothing of note had happened, which his next word would confirm.

"Phiros went to Coerthas. We don't know where exactly yet but there's an airship waiting for you in Limsa."

Her pink slit eyes flash white then hot pink as she follows the younger Raen outside, her constantly aching body forgotten at the thought that she might have a chance to find him before he did himself in.

Bloody Coerthas of all places. What the hell are you thinking, Phi? Are you planning to turn into ice? I'll set this world on fire if it's what it takes to warm you up.

A twisted smile takes over her face as the fingers of her right hand snap together, dried blood flaking off at the gesture, and the broken bed feet, the split open couch and the overturned bookshelf right themselves, the wood and fabric as good as new as she exits the house. It would not do to have Phiros witness the remnants of her temper tanttum.

I'm gonna heal you, bring your stupid butt home and kiss you until you die in my arms ten years from now.

__________

The Vault?! The highest floor of The Vault?! Where she'd lost 'Chefant and nearly lost Phiros twenty years ago. Her husband is apparently the biggest moron that has ever inhabited Hydaelyn.

Insults and vehement thoughts run on repeat through her mind as Ruby climbs up the many steps of this Ishgardian hell, her skin crawling as the cold morning wind hits her feverish skin, the aether enhancing every pain, twinge and itch in her body.

Her raspy voice faintly echoes through the high walls of the former Ishgardian seat of power, the shimmery white sheen encompassing her body lighting her path as the sun's morning ray were barely reaching the high windows.

"I will find your stupidly big scaly old man butt and I will kiss you first, because I love you, and then I will slap you until you learn to never run away from me again... Making me waste so much time trying to find you! Keeping this aether inside me is no easy feat you big dummy!"

Breathless, her legs trembling, she stops for a moment, hand clenching the railing to keep standing. Her eyes look pleadingly towards the rotunda one stairwell up as she screams.

"YOU BETTER BE ALIVE AND LISTENING TO ME UP THERE!"

You better be alive... Her anger fades as she continues her painful trek up, fear and worry clogging up her throat as she tries to push out of her mind the idea of Phiros' corpse welcoming her. What would she do if he was gone? What wouldn't she do, was the bigger question. Could she bring someone back to life with such quantities of aether? More importantly... Would Phiros want to be brought back? He had left to die on his own terms, and to rob that from him only to inflict him a painful death...

Stop, stop! He's alive, I know it. He's too strong to die from a little hypothermia. He's Phiros, he's unbreakable.

"In sickness and health we vowed, and you don't get to decide when sickness gets to much for me." Ruby pants out as she finally reaches the Rotunda, the sun now high and lighting the exterior walkway. Immediately, she spots Phiros' slumped body against a marble wall. Unmoving.

"Phiros!" Her cry tears through the air, her body appearing next to her lover in the blink of an eye. Now kneeling over him, his paleness is all too obvious against his dark armor, accentuated by his white hair, tied in their usual ponytail. A sob escapes her as she notes this silly detail, his ever rebellious lock of hair framing his cheek, the tip resting over his blue lips.

"Oh my love, what have you done."

As she falls to her knees, her magic seems to have a will of its own, tendrils of aether reaching out to Phiros, curling around his throat, wrists and chest. Her mouth seeks his cold blue lips, hoping for any sort of reaction as her fingers attempt to feel a pulse in his veins. His body is too cold and stiff for her fingers to feel his pulse, yet her magic brings her the assure that his heart is indeed still beating, though very slowly.

The tears run down her face, milky and aglow with churning aether, the Padjal's life force attempting to leak out of her every time she uses her magic, testing her control and threatening to hurt Phiros instead of heal him. By now, her youthful appearance is beginning to fade proportionately to the lost aether, pain shooting from her knees as they carry her weight on the marble floor.

"What should I do?" She asks her dying lover, her tear stained lips never parting from his long as she cups his face, brushing the stray lock of hair behind his horn in a bittersweet motion. "Should I fix your aether first and then warm you up? Will you be able to hold on? What if you don't wake up? What if I fail? ...Phiros, you stupid idiot! How could you expect me to live without you when I never even felt alive before I met you."

A wet choked laugh turns into a disgusted sigh as she notices the dry blood on her hands dirtying Phiros' face, her hands glow a yellow light and the blood burns off her hands before she gently brushes it off Phiros' face with her shirt sleeve. "I have to succeed, darling, I have to. If you knew the things I've done for you, would you judge me?" She shakes the maudlin thoughts out of her mind, she has a job to do. I've gone too far to stop now.

One last kiss, I need it. She stifles back a sob as she feels his cold unloving lips against hers and carefully tilts Phiros off the wall until his head now laid on her lap, one hand curled around his throat while the other rests over his heart. Controlling her raging aether in order to mend Phiros' broken aether pathway requires minutiae and focus, as well as something to ground her, to force her to forget the sizzling pain in her body, or to anticipate the painful consequences of releasing this healing aether. Thus she begins to speak, hopeful that her husband could somehow hear her through his comatose state.

"Remember that night in the Royal Menagerie? When we looked at the stars and you told me stories about Hingashi. I remember the legend of the firebird you told me. At first I thought I could find it, y'know, I thought: I'll catch myself a phoenix and my husband will be fine." A bitter chuckle escapes her as more milky white tears roll down her face onto Phiros' chest and neck. "Turns out it's not as easy as you'd think to find a phoenix... But I thought, it's okay, I have access to endless aether, I'll be even better than the firebird, I'll figure out a way to save you."

Around them the landscape changes, a meadow of green tall grass and white and red flowers grow in circles around the couple, growing through the splintering marble floor as the loose aether she cannot fully control conjures an idyllic vision of the Royal Menagerie, pulled right out of her memory.

"I nearly failed you, my love... Yes, yes, I know you'll say you gained a few years thanks to me but I want more, so much more. One more hour. One more day. One more anniversary spent in each other's arms. I've always been greedy, haven't I? Your greedy kitten."

Ruby holds back a scream as she directs the flow of aether, slowing the relentless wave into a slow trickle meant to seeking the network of his aether to mend the damage made to him when he was younger. Each time she had syphoned the aether off a Padjal, she had managed to improve his flow of aether, granting him a longer lifespan. She had however never told him how she had done it, but Phiros had looked at her worriedly every time before giving in once he realized it was working.

Perhaps if she had been more forthcoming about her plans, if she'd told him about her hunt for Kan-E-Senna. No, he would have tried to stop her, deeming it too dangerous. Her beloved hero. Her personal voice of reason. Her spell sturtters to a halt, the aether rebelling against her. Gritting her teeth, she hisses.

"Listen to me you bitch, I did not rip your heart out of your chest and hold on to your self righteous aether for you to let my husband die!"

Perhaps due to the experience of having done such intense and unconventional healing before, the aether bends to her will, painful and fighting her back as always, but her will is stronger and the broken connections in Phiros' body seem to mend. It would not repair the damage he had gone through over the aether but would easily grant him a few more years as long as he did not run headfirst into danger.

As the aether is poured in her love, her own body begins to age again, from her thirty year old body, she finds herself in the right body, weathered by fifty years of life and then more, her hair turning completely white as she watches the back of her hands wrinkle, the skin dry and blemished.

"Ha. I'm as old as you are now... Maybe even older! You'd have to pour me the drinks!"

The long process ends, trembling hands no longer aglow, her lips find the Au'ra's forehead as translucent tears of joy run down her face.

"Almost there, love. All that's left is to wake you up."

Although she feels bolstered by her success, it would be foolish to ignore how depleted her aether reserves are, likewise for the land around her for yalms around. Pink eyes look down at the beloved visage of her husband, his odd purple and yellow eyes hidden by his eyelids.

Her lips find his once again in an upside down kiss as she is certain of her next course of action. Her strength is low, her nerves burning as she is now unable to draw on to the aether around her, her only source of magic to warm him up is her life force. Yet there is no doubt in her mind, no ifs and no consequences other than waking up Phiros.

If she must pass away... Not even the lifestream could keep them apart, she knows this. I'll find you in every life. Placing her bag under his head, she settles down over Phiros' larger body, her right hand tangled in his long white hair as her left twines their fingers together, her head resting under his chin as she would usually do so at home, ears over his heart, laying her entire body over his as her magic warms the air around them while a thin thread of aether connects her heart to Phiros', attempting to bring his heart back to a strong heartbeat.

"You might hate me for this, I know it. But it would not be more than what I felt when I found your letter, Phi. I was gonna ask you, y'know, because our anniversary is in less than a month, if you wanted to move to Shirogane with me. Be a cute old couple that lazes around at the hot bath, drinks sake every night as we looked down at the pond. I'd offend people every other day without realizing and you'd shrug and say I'm a foreigner."

Her breathing is now shallow, chest rising painfully as her life force is sapped into Phiros' body. Suddenly, the sound of his heartbeat reaches her hear, finally strong enough to be heard! It's working!

"I'm afraid you'll have to do that without me. I can already see you, walking down the streets, with your hair untied and flowing over your back, a formal but colorful yukata on your back. My gentle giant."

Her heart stutters as Phiros' seems to pick up pace, his body warming up as hers begins to shiver despite her aero spell warming up the air around them. Her eyes close as she whispers her final words to her awakening love.

"I am so happy that I got to love you, to be loved by you. I never thought I could receive as much love as you have given me for the past twenty five years. I won't lie, I would have liked a little more still." Hiccups cut off her words as her hand clenches on Phiros' shoulders, her nose buried in his chest to inhale his scent one last time.

"You carry my heart in you, Phi. I love you, my husband. Live well."

Her grip on his shoulders relax as his chest begins to rise, hands falling limp as she falls into a deep slumber, the sound of glass breaking as white crystal shards scatter over the red and white flowers nearly covering up a raspy inhale.

[sunlitroom]

Gotham – s5e03 – Penguin, Our Hero

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Selina can walk again. She’s also part cat, thanks to the whole ‘medication may release the darker angels of your true self’ side-effect. Big-eyed orphans flocked to Jim. Tabitha ran into Oswald’s knife. Lots of gangleaders want to kill Jim. Barbara rescued him because she needs his help killing Oswald, because no-one else in interested, because Tabitha was easily one of the most dislikeable people in town. Seriously, Barbara. Have you noticed that Sirens isn’t exactly swamped in floral tributes?  Haven exists in soft focus.  Ed and Tank got rough.  Some very lazy graffiti implicated Oswald in the killing of several gang members.

As always, long post will be long.  There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)).  There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism.  Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

Oswald opens what I’m assuming is his bedroom door, or a door to his private rooms. He hears a choir singing a song of praise and smiles beatifically.

(An aside.  This is really dumb and I hate it - I'm not wasting wrist strength on it.  Also - it's really offensive.  Really really offensive)

In summary, Penn gives Oswald good news about production.  The writers feel the need to really hammer home that totalitarian regimes are bad, like we may be somehow unaware of this.  We also learn that people are ‘defecting’ to Haven, and that people love Jim Gordon.  Oswald pitches a hissy fit that’s interrupted when a bunch of bikers break in, looking for revenge for Oswald’s apparent attack.  He explains to the leader exactly how and why he’s stupid, and orders him to be interrogated.

In her hospital bed, Selina dreams about being shot by Jeremiah.  This will be a recurring theme in this episode – Selina has flashbacks later - and I think it’s a good thing that we get to see someone actually dealing with the aftermath of trauma.  I hope they don’t try to attribute this to the nasty seed thing later.

Waking with a start, she gets up and dressed and heads out onto the roof. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she leaps off the side, like she used to do.

At Haven, Harvey is warning about coping with the growth of new arrivals - word spreading like bad case of clap.  He also warns that the gangs will come looking for the slave labour they’ve lost.

Jim seems unconcerned. Let 'em

Harvey says they hardly have any ammo or food to deal with either issue– but Jim still refuses to turn people away.

Harvey then eyes Jim, and asks him when he slept – he’s been going full-tilt for months.  Jim tells him he’s OK – but does seem a little flat as he says this.

They enter a makeshift canteen, where Bruce is working.  They ask him for some good news, and Bruce tells them something about a water purification system that’s small-scale, but still an improvement.

As they’re talking, a fight breaks out over rations.  Jim breaks it up, and then realises people are staring expectantly, and delivers a speech. He tells the new arrivals that they’re all welcome, but they need to leave the fighting outside.  The government thinks they don’t need help, and they need to prove otherwise.  The gangs outside can tear each other apart – but they need to help each other survive.

Harvey is the voice of cynicism – pointing out that Jim’s speech worked now, but that it’s not going to be pretty when they find out that the government has abandoned them.

Bruce tells Jim that he’s holding this place together, and giving everyone hope – but he has more to add to his plate.  Will, the big-eyed orphan, is having nightmares and broke his arm falling from his bed.  Could Jim talk to him?

(An aside.  I get that they’re building up Jim as a more uncomplicated protagonist and father figure.  This is also to emphasise how emotionally invested Jim is in Haven, so that the explosion at the end will have added impact.  However.  It is treacly to the point of becoming sickening.  Maybe it’s setting up another of Jim’s dark paths – where he’ll side with his old army pal over tried and tested allies in Gotham, and have a one night stand with Barbara – but even then, it’s just all felt a little heavy-handed)

In the dormitory, Jim sits down next to Will.  Bruce tells him that they can’t imagine what he’s been through, but that he’s safe now. Jim underlines this by telling him that he’ll never let anyone hurt him again.

(An aside.  Jim, no.  You can’t promise that.  You can promise to do your best – but you can’t promise to keep someone safe like that. Bruce is young enough to have an excuse. You know better.)

Jim offers the boy a treat before he leaves.

I’ve got something for you: pineapple from my rations.  Hang in there – I’ll check on you later

He and Bruce walk away

(An aside – the obvious parallel here is between Jim and Oswald as leaders. Oswald – on an ego-trip, serving himself an elaborate breakfast, literally enjoying hearing his praises sung, slowly leaking followers. Jim – giving his rations away, working himself exhausted for his people, with people endlessly arriving at Haven.

And I suspect that’s how we’re supposed to view it – but, and I know I’m probably overcomplicating, it’s not quite so black and white.  It’s not as nakedly motivated by ego as Oswald’s actions, but there’s no way that this isn’t gratifying for Jim)

Selina shows up in the dormitory. An alarmed Bruce tells her she’s supposed to be resting- but a cocky Selina asks him if she looks like she needs it.  She’s never felt better, and she wants to find the freak who shot me.

Bruce says he’s been looking for Jeremiah, but never found anything.  Selina points out that there’s been an influx of refugees from all over the city – someone must know something.

Bruce says he wants to find him as much as Selina – but he’s had months to fortify, and they need to be careful.  Selina looks askance at him, and asks him if he’s scared.  Bruce replies that of course he is, Jeremiah

Shot you to get to me

He tells her he can’t lose her

Selina tells him she’s not his to lose.  He can’t stop her, but she does want his help.  Bruce stares for a moment, and says that if they’re going to take him down, they’ll do it right.  They’ll bring him back here and he’ll stand trial

(An aside.  Honestly, Bruce?  I don’t see any judges hanging around.  A makeshift court consisting of you, Jim and Harvey isn’t exactly doing it right.  On top of that, do you really want to bring Jeremiah into close proximity with defenceless civilians?)

Selina smiles fondly at Bruce’s naivete.  Reaching up, she touches his face and kisses him.

I was hoping I could count on you

Further in the dormitory, a man sitting on a bed says he heard rumours in dark zone – which is apparently a place of chaos - ruled by those who lost their minds when the bridges went down

(An aside.  Sigh, Gotham.  So the mentally ill are scary again.)

Jeremiah is there, gathering followers.  Selina makes to leave immediately, but the man remonstrates, telling her

You can’t go there: you’ll die!  Jeremiah is the least of your worries.  Everyone there is insane.  Look what they did to my friend

He pulls the cover down, and we can see the man in the bed has had stuff carved into his torso.

Oswald opens his bedroom door, in a snit, clad in underwear this time.  He’s wearing a tight black top and shorts under his white cotton garment. I’m guessing the white thing was possibly a little too see through, and they decided to just let the black underwear show rather than get a headache trying to hide it.

Penn! Where the f…..

His choir is gone, and there’s only Olga singing alone

(An aside – I know it’s not the biggest point in the world: but if people like Olga and Eyepatch Guy consistently come back to work for Oswald, then he’s not as uniformly loathsome as the show likes to paint him)

Oswald interrupts her – asking where his staff and Mr Penn are.  She informs them that they all defected to Haven.  He fulminates before panicking, looking for his dog.

He turns to Olga, teary-eyed

They took my dog?

She looks blandly at him

Rumour say pup went willingly

(An aside – I know Oswald’s scenes are more or less comic relief at points, but I still do get irritated when he takes more of a kicking than any other character in terms of sheer humiliation and being told he’s unlovable.)

He screams in rage and grabs the biker chained to the wall

You're in luck.  Our interests are now aligned – and you may live

He tells him to contact the other deeply irritating petty gangs, and to gather men, vehicles and petrol. He has bullets.  They’re going to pay a visit to Haven.

After he’s dressed, that is.

 At GCPD/Haven, Harvey – accompanied by Alvarez - tells Jim Oswald has made it through the barricade with gangs.

Jim tells them to load up. Harvey points out they’re low on ammo. Jim sends him to someone he hopes with be friendly.

(An aside here.  How much time has passed since last episode? Barbara made clear to Jim when she saved him that this was essentially conditional on him agreeing to plot Oswald’s death with her. Jim said he’d table that for later.  Is she still waiting for this to happen?  Has she just assumed he’s not going to do it? When are we, exactly?  If he’s really just never got back in touch, why assume that she’s going to be willing to help – other than the fact that he has no other options, and Jim has a track record of expecting help from people – no matter whether he’s recently jerked them around.)

Down the tree-lined street where Ivy and Selina once wandered – and which is now the dark zone. Selina cracks a joke about calling it the dull zone, and Bruce gazes at her – telling her he’s glad she seems herself again

Selina says she’s been here before – it’s the posh part of town. Bruce says people with money got out. She points out that he didn’t, and he tells her seriously that he had a reason to stay.

(An aside.  Oh Selina – and it wasn’t staying with you.  Bruce wanted Alfred to evacuate with Selina.  He was going to stay and hunt Jeremiah down.  Does Selina know this?)

A man with a bomb strapped to him runs towards them, frantically asking for help, before the bomb explodes.  We hear laughter and gunshot, as a band of God knows what approaches. Actually.  There was a version of Phantom of the Opera set in a disco in the 70s - called Phantom of the Paradise. They remind me of this, crossed with the slightly naff cenobites from Hellraiser III

Anyway

They turn to run, and collide with a hulking guy who’s not exactly friendly

Selina says they’re looking for Jeremiah

Kill you. Kill Jeremiah

Selina decides the best course of action is to find the schoolyard’s biggest bully and take him down

They all start fighting.

Haven, where Mr Penn is still conducting the choir - who now do hymns instead. We hear the sound of bikes approaching.  Penn nervously asks Jim what’s going on.

It’s Oswald.  Jim tells his men to hold their fire

Oswald gets out of his car – lividly angry.

Well. If it isn’t my old friend Mr Penn, and the Gertrud Kapelput Memorial Choir.  How nice to see some familiar faces!

Jim tells Oswald that he shouldn’t have come to Haven.  Oswald responds angrily that he stole his people and his dog.  

Jim says that the people came here of their own free will.  Oswald ignores him to call on his dog, who doesn’t respond to him

Jim raises his eyebrows at him triumphantly when the dog refuses to come when called.

Oswald reiterates that Jim is to return his people and his dog – and also apologise.  

Jim says no.

Oswald tells him he knows his ammo is used up – he’s bluffing.  

On Jim’s signal – some of his men take down some of the bikers.  Oswald pulls a face, and Jim says his men need some target practice.

Back with Selina and Bruce. The hulking guy tells her that she looks soft – while she tells him he looks 300lbs of ugly.  

Selina gets the man on the ground and starts clawing at his face with her new metal claws – demanding that he tell her where Jeremiah is.

The man protests that they don't mess with him – but then tells her he’s at Hotel North.

Selina’s still going, though, clawing at his face.  Bruce tells her he’s had enough.  She says it’s enough when she says so, and he restrains her.  

He looks at her, troubled, and tells her she won.  It’s over.

Selina blithely replies that it was easy, and strolls off.  Bruce stares after her unhappily.

Back at Haven, an irate Oswald tells the bikers that Jim is bluffing.  The leader asks how he knows.

I know Jim Gordon

Oswald says if they require a demonstration – they should march forward.  The biker says they have guns – Oswald retorts that he does too, and his are loaded.

They march.  As they approach, Jim tells his men to make ‘em count.

They shoot – but run out of bullets, leaving one man standing.

Oswald gloats that Jim is out of ammo, and points out that he doesn’t want his men to die.  

On the count of three, GCPD lower their weapons.

Bruce and Selina head to the church – Selina deftly climbing over cars.  Bruce is not happy at how she handled the big guy earlier, but Selina disagrees – asking whose side he’s on?

Yours. Always

As they approach the church, they see a shrine to Jeremiah.  Selina says she’ll tear his throat out.  They follow some other people up the stairs to the church and enter the building.

A woman in a mask welcomes them to the Church of Jeremiah, where the faithful will become their best selves – after a demonstration of faith.

They’re very oddly dressed. Shirt and tie – and one guy in a kilt (which tends really to be formal wear)

They walk further in. The masked woman stops Selina – and points out she doesn’t look like a worshipper.  Selina insincerely says she witnessed his work first hand, and she’ll never forget it.

She is permitted to pass, and follows the adherents upstairs.  The masked woman whispers in the ear of another guard before removing her mask.  It’s Ecco, in some dilapidated makeup.

Bruce slips away

(An aside - Where are the clean and well-dressed devotees coming from?  I thought the Dark Zone was a terrifying bedlam?  How did they get there without being attacked? Why are they so clean and well-presented?)

Oswald leads Jim to a cage/cell.  Jim tells him he’s going to regret this.  Oswald gloats that those are strong words for someone out of options.  He’s going to have Jim watch while they destroy Haven, and then shoot him and leave him for dead like did to Oswald

(An aside – Oswald – no you’re not.  We both know this.  Jim knows this.  That one-episode biker leader knows this.  Tank knows this.  Those weird English peasants at Ivy’s know this.   Give. It. Up)

Jim tells him when the government finds out what he’s done, he’ll be at the top of the wanted list. Jim – Jeremiah created this whole crisis.  Jonathan is crucifying people.  The government will not share your pigtail-pulling fascination with Oswald.

Oswald tells Jim the only law in Gotham is power.  Jim tells him they have children and families here.  What will happen when the gangs take them back? Oswald blithely says they’ll go back to being slaves.  His people will go back to their lives: bellies full of gruel, with him as their protector.

Jim tells him to take revenge on him – but leave the refugees alone.  Oswald tells him it’s almost tempting – before leaving

(An aside – and here, again, we have the problem with this storyline.  If you can tug on anyone’s heartstrings, it’s Oswald’s.  It’s stupid enough that they have him genuinely believing his people enjoy their life.  The additional notion that he wouldn’t actually care about children and families is stupid.  Let’s not forget – when Oswald was piloting the blimp, the worst outcome he could imagine was the death of thousands of innocent citizens.  It was Jim who felt the need to further incentivise him by appealing to his ambition.  Seriously, now.  It wasn’t that long ago.  I’ve said it several times before – but if your plot demands that the characters are ooc in order to facilitate it, your plot isn’t good)

Outside, Penn is being chained up.  Oswald’s not happy at this, and steps in

Stop - that one belongs to me

He manages to unchain Mr Penn – who smiles happily  - at being rescued, but also maybe at the indication that Oswald actually appreciates him.

One of the annoying bikers grumbles that Oswald sacrificed one of his guys. While Oswald is untying Mr Penn, who’s thanking him all the while – the biker shoots Penn in the gut.  

Penn drops to the floor. Oswald tries to stem the bleeding but it’s no good.  

You should have stayed with me!  Why did you leave?

Penn looks up at him and, without malice, simply tells him

Everyone hated you

Oswald looks down, his face blanched.  

One of the bikers tells him they’ll take everything.  An enraged Oswald says he’ll pay for this, before the biker wallops him hard in the face.

(An aside – sorry, but no. Oswald is cleverer than this. He’s adept at reading other people’s needs and wants.  The notion that he honestly would have no idea of how he was perceived is just silly.

Also – I know there apparently wasn’t time to develop Penn as the Ventriloquist, but I don’t think they had to kill him off.  It feels really unnecessary.  Given that this ‘revelation’ was only needed because they made Oswald temporarily stupid, it’s particularly bitter.  On top of that, if I feel he’s been jettisoned to help make room for the compulsory indigestible lump of Os/Ed interaction we’ve to dutifully swallow later this season, I am going to feel rather cross.)

Oswald is taken to the cage, struggling and protesting.

Let me go, we had a deal!

As he’s shoved in, Jim watches him calmly from the corner.

I take it that didn’t work out like you planned?

Harvey is at Sirens, calling for Barbara.  She sneaks up behind him, puts a knife to his throat and tells him there no men in Sirens past midnight – making it surely a very inconvenient brothel.

She adds that perhaps it’s time golden boy learned to save himself. She asks Harvey if he’s tired of playing sidekick.

Harvey tells her he doesn’t see it that way.  They’re friends fighting for same thing.

Barbara says she remembers when Jim was the idealistic rookie and Harvey was the cynical veteran. Harvey cuts in that she was sane back then.  Barbara snidely says that now Harvey carries Jim’s laundry.

Don’t you wonder what your life would have been like if you never met Jim Gordon?

(An aside - Barbara.  Yes – you have ample cause to deeply resent Jim.  He compartmentalised the bejesus out of his life when he was engaged to you, he moved on indecently fast, and his default facial expression when he’s encountered you since has been a curled lip and a sneer.  You turned to him after your release from Arkham and asked for him simply to recognise you as a person, and he wouldn’t do it.

However, laying the blame at everyone else’s door for your current situation has become tedious. You were placed in horrible situations, but you have also had agency.  Decisions were made.  Paths were taken.  For the actual love of God, stop whining. I’m so bored.)

Harvey replies that he’d be dead, or wishing he was.

(Another aside.  The spectre of Death has hung over Harvey since day one.  I do hope he makes it to the end)

Barbara sneers that he’s delusional – like the saps who expect the government to help.

Harvey tries again – commenting that he knows they’ve had their differences, before mentioning that Oswald has turned up…

Barbara’s tune changes, and she tells him he should have opened with that.

Let’s move

Back in the cell, Jim is trying to cut his bindings.  Oswald is ranting.  Jim’s taken everything from him.  Jim tells him to keep his voice down.  Oswald keeps talking.  His people should have loved him, he kept them safe.  What so special about Haven?

Jim pulls a face at him, and says it’s special because it’s far away from him. Oswald pulls a face of his own

That's rich

People are coming, and Jim hisses at Oswald to be quiet.  We see the head biker and a couple of children come in looking for supplies – one of whom is big-eyed orphan boy, who glances quickly at Jim.  Jim tells Oswald to just act normal, adding

I know it's a stretch

The boy slides a piece of metal under the cage, which Oswald covers with his foot.  The bikers find he booze they were looking for, and leave.

Oswald laughs manically. When they get out – he is going to tear this place to the ground.  He starts to rant – but Jim interrupts him.  That won’t solve the problem.  They need to take the gangs out – right here, right now.

They look down at the piece of metal.  Oswald asks how they pick it up.

They eye each other, and – honestly – the fact that they both wordlessly come to the same impractical solution points to how bizarrely close they are.

They turn back to back and – leaning against each other – lower themselves slowly to the floor, with Jim making some of the best facial expressions ever seen.

(An aside.  OK.  Fair enough, Oswald can’t really pick that up: I don’t think his leg would allow him. But Jim.  Jimothy.  JimJam.  Jimbalaya. I ran a test.  It’s easy to lower down to the ground with your hands behind your back, pick something up, and then stand again.  You saw a chance for some body contact and you took it.  Naughty.)

Bruce creeping about at Jeremiah's lair. He encounters a corridor strewn with the corpses of pilgrims, all with gunshot wounds to the head.

Meanwhile, Selina joins Ecco and the others in an empty swimming pool. Essentially, they play a group game of Russian roulette.  Ecco is very theatrical and Harley Quinn-ish about all this.  Selina scoffs – but, on Ecco implying she’s a coward, places the bullet in the chamber and spins the barrel.

Ecco counts them down – again, slightly aggravating on the quirky preciousness front.  We go quickly back to Bruce, whose head turns sharply when he hears the gunshots.

Ecco strolls round, announcing that she’s disappointed in those who didn’t participate.  Selina says she’s

Just not a mindless idiot willing to get shot in the head for nothing

Ecco glares.  She comments that Curls is here to judge all of us.  She goes on, though, indulging in some wittering about Jeremiah and his methods and how it looks like madness but it’s really liberation, blah blah blah

She then tells them all to leave now – she needs to have a word with Selina. They all got straight ‘As’ and can proceed and be reborn.

Elsewhere, Bruce follows two guards before beating them.  He ascends further up the staircase.

Selina faces off with Ecco. Ecco says she doesn’t want to meet Jeremiah, but Selina insists she does – only she’s not willing to play that psychotic game

Ecco does some more quirky stuff

But baby – it’s so fun!

Selina asks why Ecco doesn’t play.  Ecco tells her she doesn’t get it.  Lifting her hair, she displays a scar at the base of her skull, near her ear.

The bullet’s still inside.  I hear it.  Ping ping ping.  Boy do I feel it when the nights get cold

She pulls the trigger, but there’s no bullet.  She seems to be getting off a little on it.

Selina tells her she’s insane – but she’s indignant at this, saying she was willing to look death in the face and allow the old her to die.  This is the gift Jerome gave Jeremiah – and now it’s the gift he’s giving them

(An aside – interestingly, Jeremiah seems to have rather retconned his past with Jerome again.  The gas wouldn’t have killed Jeremiah – there was no potentially fatal option, as with his gun method)

Ecco smiles

We want you to experience that gift….Selina

Selina’s eyes widen

You know me

Ecco smiles

There’s not a single part of Bruce's life we don’t know about. His joys, his fears, his desires

(An aside.  Wow.  That sounds a like a fun couple activity.)

She adds that Bruce wasn’t ready for Jeremiah’s gift, and nor was Selina.  

Selina grimaces as Ecco points the gun at her face

One thing Jeremiah did teach me.  I hate a gun pointed at my face.

She hisses angrily, and they start to fight.

Oh puddin’.  Aren't you delicious?

(An aside.  I suppose you can’t really blame Ecco for flirting with Selina.  It sounds like most of her evenings with Jeremiah are spent working on the big Bruce scrapbook.)

Ecco says she knew she had it in her – all it took was a kick in the pants.  

Bruce appears.  Ecco sneers that her boyfriend is worried about her.

Selina flashes back to her shooting.  She manages to turn the gun on Ecco – but Bruce yells stop, and Ecco escapes, stabbing Selina in the leg as she goes. Selina screams in rage and makes after her – but Bruce stops her, telling her that she’s bleeding.

Selina cuffs him to the gate.  Bruce protests, but Selina says they’ve done things his way.  Not it’s her turn.  Bruce is left yelling after her as Selina drags herself off after Ecco.

Back at Haven, the bikers eyeing up cops and discussing who might be best for fights.  Jim strolls up

How about this?

He points his gun

The biker says he’s bluffing

I’m afraid not

Oswald appears at the other end of the room

Neither am I

Oswald shoots the gang members.  Jim calls on the cops to come out.  Jim and Oswald face each other across the room.  We hear a whimper, and Oswald’s dog approaches him.  He fusses over him, and reassures him that he killed the bad men.

The crowd behind him overhear this and mutter agreement – he did shoot the bad men.  They start to chant his name.

Oswald smiles gleefully. In many ways, he’s the world's simplest creature.

 Back at Haven, people are arguing both with and about Jim

You promised safety!

He saved us!

Oh boy.  Time for another speech.

It was a hard day - but we won.  

He points out that they’ve got Oswald's guns and ammo now, and that they survived.  Hope survived too – and he thinks that’s worth fighting for.

So do I

It’s the winsome orphan who rescued him

(An aside.   Mercy, Gotham. I can’t take much more of this treacle.)

Jim blinks in response to this support.  He goes on. Now there’s work to be done, wounded to be cared for.

Tomorrow's another day

Jim’s Scarlett O'Hara now.

A cop appears to tell Jim that Oswald is outside.  

Before he heads out, Jim tells the winsome orphan that he did a brave thing, and that they wouldn’t have escaped if not for him.  The boy replies that Jim helped him, so he wanted to reciprocate.  He hands the boy his badge, and tells him he needs deputies. He smiles and thanks him – especially since he’s allergic to pineapple.

 Jim walks towards Oswald, who is fussing over the dog.  He straightens up as Jim approaches, and asks him if the cops are really necessary: after all, he just saved hundreds of people.

Jim adds that he endangered them to start with, so he can be forgiven for wanting to play it safe.  

Oswald looks up at him, his face more sincere

Still - I do hope there’s no hard feelings?

Jim steps closer and looks at him like he’s recently been caught stealing apples, as opposed to putting a bounty on his head and then breaking through the barricade with a gang of bikers.

You did the right thing today, Oswald.  You’re free to go.  Don’t make me regret it.

They stand close and – even with my shipper glasses off, there’s really no other way to describe this – stare at each other fondly, smiles on their faces.

(An aside, before Barbara comes in waving the plot point no-one cares about.

I ship this like crazy. I like writing fic for it. One thing that’s blocked me for ages is how readily Oswald can forgive the worst of behaviour from Jim, and how Jim readily heads back to him for help each time no matter where their relationship has been. But actually seeing this helped me get it.  Oswald thinks he’s capable of doing great things for the city and its people.  Jim also believes this of himself: Jim Gordon, hero of Gotham.  They also both know they are capable of terrible, terrible things.  

To have someone who is not only seemingly willing to forgive you anything, but who also has a seemingly endless capacity to believe in you? That’s about as a big a deal as you can get.  No wonder they keep gravitating towards each other. Who wouldn’t?)  

Harvey hurries in, shouting a Jim in warning.  He’s swiftly followed by Barbara.

Hi Pengy.  Bye Pengy

Wide-eyed, Oswald holds his hands out in front of him, falling back on what he always falls back on in dire straits

Jim!

Jim hurriedly gets in front of him, and faces Barbara down

Barbara, no

Barbara tells him to get out of her way or he’ll get her first bullet.

Jim insists that he’s not moving

We don’t get to see what Barbara does next, because there’s an explosion that knocks everyone to the ground.  Oswald, Barbara and Harvey are unconscious, but Jim stands and looks around to see Haven up in flames.  There’s no scream of rage – just resignation, and weariness.

(An aside - So, I’m guessing that the explosion was Jeremiah’s doing – given that it just so happened to coincide with Bruce not being anywhere near the building?)

 General Observations

A couple of themes here.

The obvious parallel is between Jim and Oswald as leaders.  Jim is the ‘good’ leader, Oswald the ‘bad’ leader.  I don’t think we’re supposed to read more into it – but, as I said, I think you can really dig into a little more.  Barbara comments offhand that Jim wants to be a hero.  They both get emotional gratification from what they’re doing.

Oswald has already been chastened by Mr Penn’s death.  How Jim copes with what has happened remains to be seen.  

There was a little bit of crossover between storylines, if you squint, in the notion of proving yourself under pressure.  Oswald eventually did the right thing.  Oswald and Jim came together when it counted.  On the darker side, Ecco seemed insistent that Selina could step up to the challenge she posed after a kick in the pants.

Given that it lasted a whole two episodes – the Oswald as dictator thing was dumb.  Oswald’s whole thing is his ability to read motivations and needs and exploit those.  He can’t just fall back on a family name, or use brawn to succeed. But suddenly he actually hadn’t realised that people hated him? Really?  Equally – the bit later about him not understanding why people would resent the situation he offered: safety and stability – Oswald’s whole first season is him rejecting the notion of ‘knowing his place’ in favour of clawing his way up, risking his neck repeatedly.

Sorry – but this storyline has been dependent on both ooc-ness and Flanderizing his character.

Hmmm.  See – here’s the thing.  I liked Jeremiah last season – pre and post-gas.  He was different and had his own quirks and complexities.  He simmered icily – a contrast to Jerome’s all-out mayhem.  But I find the whole Cult of Joker thing tiresome – with all the witless, biddable acolytes wittering on about how he’ll open your mind.  It feels even more marked with Jeremiah, who essentially displays almost total contempt to anyone who isn’t Bruce.  I’m guessing part of the reason he stays secluded is that he can barely tolerate them.

I wonder if we’ll ever find out why Ecco was so devoted to Jeremiah.  Because she was – back last season – before all the gas stuff. Fiercely devoted.  It didn’t feel like a romantic thing – and I was curious to find out what it was.  Had he helped her out of a bad situation?  Did his working set-up meet her needs and personality in some particular way?

Thoughts?

[lykaonimagines]

Almost Lover - Loki x Reader (Part 2 Request)

I wavered a little bit from your comment request, but hopefully you still like it :$ 

Part 3 will be in two parts, and I’ll post both at the same time for alternative endings based on whether you’d like to see Y/N’s future with Loki or Thor. I’ve also picked songs that go with each part, hoping that’s something you guys like! Thank you for reading 💚

Paring: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 2,315

Part 2 Request Description: “Loki regrets and maybe blaming Thor at first but then the other Avengers talk (or beat) some senses into him.” 

Requested by: @islaylivesinshire 💚

Lyrics Used: Let Her Go - Passenger 

Part One

Loki Ending  

Thor Ending

(gif doesn’t belong to me)

Flinging the torn undergarment from his bed, Loki huffs and takes another swig from the bottle in his hand. It’d been a week since Y/N left, and a week that his bedroom had been a revolving door to a parade of Midgardian women and alcohol.

Settling back into his bed his mind races, and he curses the alcohol not being strong enough. He had spent as little time as possible thinking about Y/N and the tightening in his chest every time he passed her room, found something of hers, or let his mind wander a moment too long.

He’d convinced himself the various women would solve his problem, after all he could do what he wanted without repercussion. No sad looks, no arguments, no hidden guilt. He was free to do as he pleased.

Pulling out his phone he brings up the music app she had put on there and taught him to use in their time at Stark tower. Something about Stark having a family-plan. She’d set up several playlist of various instrumental music he usually listened to, but it was the one song left sitting in their shared playlist that had him listening over and over. Almost Lover. Those damn lines from her letter. Each note and word of the song pulled at his heartstrings in a way he didn’t want to admit.

Flicking over to the browse tab he scrolls until he lands on a playlist labeled ‘Heartbreak’. He hesitates for a moment before taking another drink and hitting shuffle.

His mind wanders as the instrumental starts. Is this heartbreak? How can it be? Did I love her? Do I love her? What have I done?

“Only know you love her when you let her go.”

The lyrics make his chest tighten further, his eyes snapping shut. All he can see is her beautiful bright Y/E/C eyes in front of his face. Her smile from ear to ear. Her melodious laugh ringing through his ears. His eyes fly open, and his hand goes to his chest where his heart is beating rapidly, and he curses once again. Damn her. Damn her for leaving. Damn her for making him feel this way. Damn himself for not realizing sooner. And damn himself for treating her like she’d always just be there.

“Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make a dream last

But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies”

Thinking back he can't even remember a time Y/N wasn’t at his side. Pulling pranks as children, learning to fight, several battles, the fateful battle in Jotunheim. He’d run to her arms after finding out the full truth from Odin. Tear-streaked cheeks, and heart bursting he had gone to her chambers, and thrown himself into her arms. And she’d held him as he sobbed and promised she’d always be at his side, that she cared about him no matter what he was or wasn’t.

She went off the Bifrost after him when he’d given up and let go. Her arms wrapped around him, head tucked into his neck as they both hurtled toward the dark abyss. He remembers asking her what in the gods did she thought she was doing, and she’d simply answered she wouldn’t let him die alone feeling unloved. That should have been when he realized it. He knew her feelings, but still not his own.

The months that followed found them traveling through dark places neither wanted to discuss ever again. Being found by Thanos was what set everything to follow in motion. The mental and physical torture they���d endured, and the way she would scream hideous insults at Thanos whenever he approach him for his turn. She’d taken more than her share of the punishment, she’d taken so much of it there were days he thought she’d moved on. Her head lulled to the side as blood dripped from every patch of skin he could see.

Once again, “I should have realized then,” he muttered taking another drink.

When they’d arrived on Midgard with Thanos’ orders, despite her own injuries she immediately helped him get through the SHIELD compound, barking more orders at the lackeys he’d procured already. Fighting against Thor for him. Losing to the Avengers at his side. Prisoner of Asgard next to his own cell. Her sympathetic looks and soft words, her hand against the surge wall between them when they found out Frigga’s fate. Then they nearly left her in her cell when leaving, forgetting her in the moment before Thor released her. And the first thing she’d done when she was released? Pull him into strongest embrace she could manage at the time.

Every event in his life, there she was. Providing support and affection no matter how much he ruined it. And what had he done in turn? Slept with her several times, only to kick her from his bed when someone else that caught his eye came along. Because she’d always be there.

Thinking back to their argument, he realizes she was right. Each memory, he realizes the brightness in her eyes grew dimmer and dimmer. Until days before she left, they looked empty. She just followed him, and tried to suggest things. Only for him to shut her down. A quick fuck in the back room. Before being out on town, and shamelessly flirting with women right in front of her.

“Staring at the ceiling in the dark

Same old empty feeling in your heart

Love comes slow and it goes so fast”

Feelings his eyes burn, he proceeds to drink further, the room starting to sway in his vision as the song changes.

He waves his hand half heartedly, an illusion of Y/N standing in the center of the room looking at him. Her bright smile and eyes, looking at him with love. From their happy moments. When he didn’t ruin everything. Dancing in the moonlight, reading cozied up in the library, endless movies and music as she looked at him like he was worth something. “I love you,” the illusion says with a smile at him as his door open.

Thor lifts an eyebrow at the illusion of Y/N, and pushes his way into the room walking through to dissipate it.

“So this is what you’re going to do brother?” He demands.

“What in Odin’s name do you want?” Loki responds with a sigh.

“I want to know what you plan on doing about all this,” he states. “She’s been gone a week, and that’s the tenth crying Midgardian woman someone has had to escort out of the tower. And Tony’s bar has been restocked three times this week he’s informed me. So this is what you intend on doing? Bedding as many women as you can whilst staying in a constant stupor?”

“Well that is really none of your business is it brother?” Loki snaps back, taking another chug before chucking the bottle over Thor’s head, the glass exploding on contact. “Besides, their alcohol is weaker than Asgardian juice. It does nothing.”

“Oh really?” Thor responds crossing his arms. “And that’s why you can’t even focus your eyes on me right in front of you?”

“Thor, fuck off,” Loki growls threateningly.

“No, we need to speak Loki. You can’t continue on like this. Then I come in here and you have an illusion of Y/N saying sweet nothings to you.”

“Well it wouldn’t be an illusion and this wouldn’t be a problem if you’d minded your own business in the first place!” He yells clumsily climbing to his feet, poking a finger into his brother’s chest.

“I care for Y/N Loki,” Thor states. “I couldn’t watch you take advantage of her love any longer. I couldn’t watch the light In her eyes die out further. The poor girl doesn’t even know who she is anymore.”

“And you think I don’t care for her?” His lip curling back in a snarl.

“No brother, I don’t think you truly do,” Thor shouts back. “You care about your fucking self, you’re trying to make yourself feel better. You’re only thinking about how you feel!”

“I’ve spent the last week in here thinking about how I fucked up Thor!” He shoves Thor’s chest. “Everything I’ve done wrong. Every moment she was by my side. And realizing I love her! Is that what you wanted to hear!?”

Thor’s mouth snapped shut as he looked at his brother’s distraught face for a moment, “And why couldn’t you tell her that? Or treat her like that Loki?”

“I don’t know!” Loki yells crossing his arms and turning away from his gaze. “I don’t know.”

“She needed to do what was best for her,” Thor continues.

“No!” Loki spins back around encroaching on his brother. “You needed to stay the fuck out of it.”

“No,” Thor mutters puffing out his chest as they now stood chest to chest.

Within in seconds Loki’s fist connects with his jaw, and sends him stumbling back, before swinging his own fist. Loki runs at him, slamming into his ribcage, as they both topple out of his room, a frenzy of fists and curses.

“What is going on here!?” Steve yelling running down the hall to the source of the commotion. “Break it up you two!”

The two slam into one of the walls, leaving a large hole, before Thor tosses Loki at a nearby end-table, it shattering as he lands.

Thor’s on him again within moments, Loki kicking him in the gut as he struggles to push him off.

As more of the Avengers gather, they look frantically for a way to get between the two gods wrestling up and down the hallway.

“I don’t want to fight you brother!” Thor announces shoving Loki away from him. “You need to grow up!”

“Oh so now you don’t want to fight, when all you little friends are watching,” Loki responds spitting blood from his mouth. “Thor the fucking honorable man. Thor the worthy. Thor the needs to stop ruining my fucking life!” He launches himself once again at the blonde man in front of him, colliding into him sending them both to the ground again.

Loki wails at his face, before Thor grabs his wrists and head butts him with all his might. The already intoxicated Loki falls backwards, getting to his hands and knees and frantically shaking his head trying to clear his vision.

“You’re better than this!” Thor yelling, kicking him in the ribs, a loud explosion of breath leaving Loki as he collapses. “Instead of blaming me, maybe you should try being a better man!” He grabs his brother’s hair, yanking his head up to look into his eyes. “Be better than this!”

Loki’s vision still swims before him as he tries to concentrate on the blob before him resembling his brother. “Go to Hel,” he mutters, spitting on him.

Thor curses once again, and slams his face into the carpet releasing him, “Do you never learn!?”

Loki quickly tries to scramble to his feet, once again throwing himself at the shape he believes to be Thor, however finding himself taking a metal arm to the face as Bucky deflects the oncoming attack.

Finally rushing up to the scene, Tony slaps his own version of Asgardian handcuffs on the trickster, and Steve hoists him to his unsteady feet.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Tony growls glaring at him.

“Teaching my dear brother a lesson in meddling in my life,” he remarks struggling against the handcuffs and hold on him.

“Loki had a bit much to drink is all,” Thor insists grabbing Loki by the collar. “Y/N has only been gone a week, he doesn’t know how to properly handle himself again yet.”

“Don’t touch me,” Loki snarls as Thor tries to lead him back to his room.

“Let me handle it,” Wanda announces walking over to the pair. Her hands immediately go to Loki’s head, and within seconds he collapses into Thor’s arms.

“Thank you Lady Wanda,” he nods lifting his brother’s unconscious form into his arms. “He’ll be over this when he awakens from a much needed rest.”

The other Avengers look skeptical, but allow the God to carry his brother off.

Carefully tucking Loki into his bed, Thor removes the handcuffs, and begins to pick up the destruction they’d caused in his room. Finding a facedown frame on the ground, he picks it up gently shaking the broken glass from it to see a photo of Loki, Y/N, and himself as teenagers looking back at him. Y/N in the middle, Loki on the left with an arm around her midsection, and Thor on the right with an arm over her shoulders, all three smiling happily back at whoever had taken the photo. His fingertips brush against the photo sadly.

His attention is ripped away from the photo then by the feeling of subtle vibrating in his pocket. Knowing he didn’t have the phone Stark had given him on him, he quickly thrusts his hand into his jeans pocket, and comes back with a neatly folded square of paper.

Taking care not to rip it, he unfolds it to find it’s a note.

“T,

Thank you for your help, and your friendship. I’m sorry I wasn’t always as true a friend to you as you have been to me. If you ever need me, I’ll be there.

-Y/N”

And with that an address sits at the bottom of the page below her signature. He smile softly to himself, before looking to Loki again and standing. “I believe you can be better than this brother, we both do,” he mutters before patting his head and leaving.

---------

Part One  

Loki Ending   

Thor Ending

What I’m Working On/Upcoming   Masterlist

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@smashley8244 @arielletheavenger   @twiling-lady