#half way through season 3 i swear i could see the charactes when i closed my eyes

[mimiscappinisideblog]

Forgot to share this i made while watching Total Drama.

This is what 8 season do to you. You get turn into the TDI style.

[hesbuckcompton-baby]

I Stayed There - Eugene Sledge x OFC

Chapter 1 - See Ya Thursday

Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9

Summary: Eugene meets a girl named Anna, changing the path of his life forever

Warnings: Description of mild injury/blood, death of a parent

Word Count: 3.6k

Tags: @cagzzz107

Let me know if you want to be added!

A/N: Character's names in bold italics indicate a change in POV

-

Eugene

It was late November 1935, only a few weeks after I had turned twelve. I'd gone to Sidney Phillip's house that evening for dinner and to see his new model aeroplane, and had been about halfway home when I'd fallen. It always got dark early around this time of year. Sidney's father worked late, and his mother couldn't drive, so I had to walk home, but I lived close by, and it was a safe neighbourhood, so no one ever batted an eye.

Back then I had always worn shorts regardless of the season - I had been ignorant of the cold, as many boys are at that age. But I regretted the decision not to wear trousers the moment I tripped, scraping my right knee to pieces. There were hardly ever any cars around at this time, so I had had no choice but to continue limping along the side of the road, a thin line of scarlet blood dribbling down my shin and staining the rim of my sock.

Street lamps were sparse out here, and at this time of night always crowded with irritable little moths that fluttered past my face and made me flinch and stumble. I had made for a sorry sight that night, hobbling painfully down the empty road towards home, and would've passed by the next house without a thought as I had all the others, had it not been for a voice calling out to me.

"You look dreadful," A little Alabaman accent rang from the porch at the top of the driveway. I faltered, turning to face the girl who had spoken, her face bathed in golden light from the porchlight, yellow pigtails resting on her shoulders, a book in her hands. I knew Anna March - our mothers had been friends for as long as I remembered - but she'd never uttered a word to me before now.

I had been fully aware of the state I was in, but as soon as it was pointed out to me, I became suddenly defensive. "I'm fine, it's barely a scratch."

"You're limpin' like a dog that got hit by a car," Anna pointed out.

"Well," I started awkwardly, gradually building confidence as I went on. "Fine or not, it's not your business either way."

She had raised her brow then, in a way that made me feel judged. It was a look I would grow to know well

I hesitated at the end of the driveway for a moment before speaking up again. "Is your brother Charlie in?"

Charlie was the youngest of Anna's brothers, only eleven months her senior, which had provided Mrs March with a very uncomfortable year and a half, and made her swear off ever having children again. By now Anna had gone back to her book, but replied nonetheless. "Yeah, he's upstairs."

I briefly considered this. "Can I say hi?"

She looked over at me, peering at my bloody knee, which I had been avoiding putting pressure on by awkwardly hovering on one leg. "You can't come in, you're gonsta get blood on the carpet. It's new." I could see through the window behind her when she leant forward - her father's silhouette sat with his back to us, her mother visible in the sitting room, seemingly admiring one of her crystal wine glasses.

"'Gonsta' isn't a word," I replied. Her brow creased in a look half indignant, half embarrassed. I regretted it almost instantly upon realising this would not help my case. "Sorry. Could you help me out?"

Anna thought this over for a moment before slamming her book shut and sliding off the porch railing. "Mama!" She called. "Eugene Sledge is out here, he's bleedin' all over himself!"

"Oh, deary me, come up here Eugene," Mrs March huffed, untying her apron hastily as she made her way to the door. "Come on in, sweetheart, take a seat at the table. Anna, honey, can you go fetch Charlie?"

Anna shrugged nonchalantly, and before I could say another word to her, she ducked inside in a flurry of blonde, skirt rippling around her legs as she disappeared up the stairs.

-

It was a long time after that before we ever really spoke to each other again. We were in the same year at school, but classes had been divided by gender, so I usually only saw Anna when either Sidney or I attempted to make awkward conversation with Mary Houston - a habit that neither of us dropped for several years, and in turn caused us much embarrassment in our youth.

I'd always liked her brothers. She had four in total - Charlie, John, Bobby and Richard. The March brothers were distinctly cool - they had a rich dad, a pretty mom, they wore expensive clothes and were good at sports, and were the kind of boys who could have a laugh and mess around without ever getting into any real trouble. The boys were well-liked for who they were, and when I had first met her I had naively thought that Anna was only interesting to me by association. She was a gateway to the boys I wanted to be friends with and the girl I fancied, nothing more.

Oh, how wrong I had been.

It was late July of the following year - only a few days away from Anna's twelfth birthday - when the March family invited my parents and I over for dinner. My mother had brought her a necklace as a gift - a delicate gold chain with a single teardrop pearl - and I routinely caught her admiring herself in the hallway mirror through the doorway over my shoulder.

As dinner progressed, it became more and more obvious that the get-together was no longer about her. My father asked her brothers all about their school lives - their favourite subjects, how many games Richard had won in the last football season, how many Bobby expected to win next time. My mother was deep in conversation with Anna's parents, discussing wine with her mother and the newspaper business with her father. It didn't seem fair to me. My last birthday had been all about me from start to finish, every celebration showering me with attention. But now no one even seemed to notice when Anna finished her dinner and sat there in silence, fiddling with her new necklace as she waited for everyone else.

"So," I piped up loudly, other conversations faltering at the sudden intrusion, her attention pulled to me with wide eyes, as if it surprised her that anyone had bothered speak to her. I faltered for a moment, realising that I'd spoken up without deciding what it was I was actually going to say. "Sidney says you were top of your class at the end of this year."

Anna's cheeks began to flush pink, and her hand fell from her necklace to her lap as she straightened her posture. "Um, yeah, I was the only one to get a hundred on my math test in June," She began to smile. "Oh! And I got a 95 on the reading test."

"Good job, Annie," Her brother Joseph beamed from the other end of the table. Everyone else took it as a cue then to congratulate her, and by the time dessert was served she seemed as merry as ever. I smiled.

When everyone finished and our plates were taken away, our parents stayed sat in the dining hall, drinking, talking and smoking, and the March brothers all went their separate ways, Richard heading out to visit his girlfriend. I was about to follow Charlie up to his room when I caught sight of Anna - laying on her stomach beside the burning hearth, her ankles crossed over and swinging back and forth in the air, her hair hanging in her face as she turned to the next page of her book. There's something so unique about being a young boy and realising a girl you'd never noticed in such a way before is actually pretty special. I don't think such descriptors actually came to me at the time, but I felt it even if I didn't think it. It was as if some invisible force was dragging me into the sitting room, and I threw myself back into the nearest armchair, bouncing slightly upon the springs when she glanced up at me, tugging her hair away from her face with one hand.

Her eyes were a nice green, not as bright as they are now, and she peered at me expectantly, seemingly confused at my sudden appearance. "Happy birthday," I said dumbly.

"'S'not yet," Anna shrugged. "Three days to go, but thanks anyway. The necklace is real pretty, you should tell your Mama I said so."

I nodded absently for a moment. I barely knew Anna yet, but by this time she was already probably the girl I'd spoken to the most, and I was still at that age where talking to a girl in any context - friendly or not - was a rather nerve-wracking affair.

"Hey, uh, me and Sidney Phillips are gonna go to the pictures on Thursday, d'you wanna come? You know Sidney?"

A smile slowly made its way across her face. "Yeah, I know Sidney. Thursday sounds good, I'll walk down to your house. Should I bring Mary?"

"I- uh - I guess you can, sure," I stammered, half surprised that she'd even accepted my offer, half wary of the prospect of going to the movies with Mary Houston, and trying to play off both of these feelings at once.

"Alright," Anna grinned. "See ya Thursday."

I don't remember much of the day we went to the pictures - the movie we saw wasn't very good, and I spent half the time trying not to appear too awkward whilst sitting beside Mary, as Anna whispered to Sidney on her other side. But I do remember coming out of it and thinking of her with much greater esteem than I had before. I had found a friend in Anna March, a good friend indeed.

-

Anna

In the Spring of 1938, my father died. He had been driving home from his office one night, and in the dark had accidentally flipped his car against the guardrail on the side of the road. He was dead before the police arrived on the scene. The situation was devastating, but we were safe. The inheritance money was no small sum, and both Bobby and Richard both had jobs by then, although Richard was thinking of getting married. Nevertheless, our lifestyle was not diminished by his passing, even if my mother was. She never dealt with grief well, even back then, and left the house less and less often in the subsequent months.

That winter, however, saw my very first white Christmas at the age of fourteen, with snow deeper than anything I'd ever seen before in Alabama. It happened almost overnight, and I was awoken one morning in mid-December by a snowball, which splattered across my bedroom window with a mighty thud. I had thrown off my covers then and ran to the window, throwing it open and squinting as the freezing air hit my face and the morning sun reflected upon the blanket of snow outside, effectively blinding me.

"It's eight in the morning!" I yelled out into the yard, and by the time my eyes adjusted, Eugene and Sidney were both standing below, grinning up at me.

"Dunno how long the snow's gonna last, you gotta come out before it melts!" Eugene called as Sidney balled up another fistful of snow. "Otherwise Sid's gonna have to chuck another one up there, and it'll probably hit your face."

"Alright, alright, I'm comin', I'm comin'! Can I at least have breakfast?"

"Not unless we can have some," Sidney chirped.

"Jesus," I muttered. "Alright, fine, just... leave your boots out on the porch."

My brothers and I - along with Eugene and Sid - wolfed down plates of bacon and pancakes, and by the time I was dressed, I still had a slice of warm buttered toast hanging out of my mouth as I bolted out the door.

I dressed in one of my mother's winter coats, the fur collar reaching up to my chin, with a matching wool hat and mittens, and within five minutes my fingers were numb and my nose was red with the cold. But I didn't mind. Even when Charlie pushed me face-first into a snowbank, or when I lost my hat halfway through the proceedings, I didn't really mind. I was with friends, and I was having fun.

"I swear, I'm gonna get you!" I yelled to Sidney, creating a mighty snowball in my hands, then squealing as Eugene pelted my back with one of his, causing me to accidentally drop it. I let out a cry of rage, before tackling him, making us both collapse onto one of the neighbour's snowmen as Sid stood back and cackled. I'd only paused for a second, but something about Eugene's red face, his cheeks creased with a grin and his hair full of snow, had made everything stop for the briefest of moments. I let out a huff of air, creating a cloud of fog between us, before pushing myself up off the ground with a chuckle.

A little while after lunch, I decided to head over to Mary's house alone, the snow crunching loudly into perfect footprints beneath me, my scarf flapping wildly in the cold wind. Some snow had gotten stuck in my boot earlier that day, and by that point, it had melted through my wool socks and chilled me to the bone, but Mary's house always came with the promise of a warm fire and a cup of hot cocoa.

I worry sometimes in my writing of this story that Mary's role in my life goes by unappreciated. This story isn't about my friendship with her, but back then my whole life was, really. She was my favourite person in the world - the person I trusted more than anyone else, the person I loved as if she were my own sister. It truly felt like she was. Neither Eugene nor Sidney ever caught on back then, but when we first became friends, I knew they were using me to get through to her. Maybe it hurt a little back then, but she had that effect on people. She'd been gorgeous her whole life - she was smart, funny, kind - and next to her I was plain. But Mary was the first person in my life who made me okay with that. I never had a friend I loved so much as her. I would choose Mary over anyone else, every time.

Her mother always let me in without question, and I quietly sat down on the sitting room floor, stripping off my boots to bare my feet before the hearth, the flames drying my sodden socks. A series of hurried thuds came pattering down from the stairs and Mary swept into the room, smiling cheerily, her cheeks still pink from having been outside earlier that day. She flopped into the nearest armchair, fiddling with the hem of her cardigan sleeve.

"I saw Eugene and Sidney go past on the way up to your place before breakfast," Mary grinned.

"Yeah," I huffed. "They woke me up with a snowball to the window."

"They like you," She sang, grinning teasingly as her mother came to place two cups of hot cocoa on the coffee table.

I reached for my mug. "Oh, they like you, they're absolutely smitten."

Mary shrugged. "Yeah, I know."

I laughed then, almost snorting cocoa up my nose. She never cared what other people thought of her. That was why I loved her so.

-

Eugene

I was sixteen the day of my first school dance in June of 1940. Sidney and I headed over to Anna's house before it began, having been promised a lift from her eldest brother, Richard. The two of us sat awkwardly on the couch downstairs for almost twenty minutes, listening to the muffled sounds of teenage girls chattering away as they readied themselves upstairs. Anna and Mary weren't the only girls there - there was Penelope Bright (a small redheaded girl I always found rather irritating), and Katherine Murphy (whom I only recently discovered had been harbouring a crush on me at the time, but is now married and living in Pennsylvania), and in the downstairs bathroom Grace Andre was finishing her makeup as she hummed along to the radio playing in the kitchen.

"Why does it take them so long?" I mused to myself.

Sid shrugged. "Pretty sure girls are just like that." I nodded. Sidney was in the year below us at school, but since neither of us had any success with women, he was my plus one for the night.

I was about to speak again when a yelp came from upstairs, shrill and irritated, shortly followed by a few muffled yells that seemed to come from Mary. Sidney looked over at me, his face contorted in confusion and concern. "Should we-?"

At that moment a vicious rumbling shook the ceiling above us, and a second later Anna appeared at the top of the stairs - her hair and makeup done, but still not changed into her dress - closely followed by Mary, who appeared in a similar fashion. Anna ran down the stairs as fast she could, squealing with Mary on her tail, their hands hovering over the bannister should they happen to trip on their way down. When she reached the bottom, Anna darted left, sprinting right across in front of me towards one of the side doors that had been propped open due to the heat, bolting straight out into the dimly lit garden, Mary scrambling to grab at her skirts behind her.

Sidney and I leant forward in our seats, quietly watching the scene unfold, neither of us knowing enough about what was actually happening to make a comment. The chaos only lasted a few seconds, ending when Mary finally caught up, seizing Anna by the waist in a half-accidental tackle that sent them both tumbling over into the grass. "The hell-?" Grace's voice came from the hall where she'd watched everything play out, her lipstick in one hand, a curler still pinned into her fringe.

"Anna accidentally broke Mary's pearls," Penelope's voice rang dully from the top of the stairs. "It's not really her fault though, they were really old."

"Oh, don't worry about it, I have plenty for her to borrow," Mrs March tutted as she watched Anna and Mary compose themselves outside, her expression contorted in a scornful frown. "Anna Louise March, if there are grass stains on that skirt you're cleaning them yourself, young lady! I'll tell the maid!"

"Yes, Mama!" Anna called, and even in the dark I could tell she was trying not to laugh, could picture the way her jaw clenched the way it did when she restrained a chuckle.

Anna's dress had been simple - knee-length, made of dark green velvet. Green has always been her colour, it suits her marvellously. Mary's was longer, pale pink with puffed sleeves and a bunch of false flowers at the waist. Ten years later she would recall it to me as being tacky, but I had been a sixteen-year-old boy back then, and crushes tended to outlast a tacky dress.

I struggle to look back on that night without wanting to kick myself. Mary was always bound to be a hit that night, and she was - within five minutes of arriving she'd received enough requests for a dance that she practically had a waitlist, and danced with a different boy for each and every song. By the time I'd worked up the courage to ask her myself the night was halfway over, and she'd had too many requests already, so had to refuse me as gently and kindly as possible.

It was only after my rejection that I danced with Anna - I offered myself up for only one song, during which I idiotically confessed that I was only dancing with her because I could not with Mary, which soured the mood instantly. She was asked to dance by one other boy, who got distracted by one of his friends halfway through the dance and never came back. I can't think about that night without picturing Anna standing alone at the side of the dancefloor, hands clasped shyly at her front, as I drank punch with Sidney on the other side of the room like a complete ass.

I don't know how Anna never resented me for that night. I suppose she was just a better person than I was. Better than I deserved, anyway.

Anna

I can't remember being angry for the way I was neglected that night, left to stand alone as I watched my girlfriends find themselves dance partners and Eugene and Sid chat to each other without me. Someone is always going to be that girl. I wasn't pretty enough to keep up with the girls, and I wasn't forward enough to give the boys any impression that I didn't enjoy being left alone like that. I think I cried when I got home that night - when all of my friends had headed home, when my mother and brothers had gone to bed. It doesn't make me sad anymore, though. That kind of sadness is for people who care about what others think of them.

I gave up on that kind of sadness a long time ago.

[arsonsamruby]

sam winchester pride

i have a new fic <3 hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

it’s s1 sam coming out to dean. was THIS close to making the ending sam ugly crying alone but even though dean Is like. microaggressions boy he’s not going to be a bitch about it all that’s out of character. i think he does try very hard to support sam. like he’s not an ally but probably because he doesn’t really know what an ally is. 

anyway wtf am i even saying.

___ Sam has a headache. Dean comes by, ruffles his hair, slouches into the couch. Sam licks his lips, looking away from the screen. It has loud, bright cartoons on it and in the prickling sense of dread he’s carrying with him, the stimulation is too much. 

Half of the headache is from a hard hit he took to the head, lingering pain. The other half is stress and dehydration. Unless beer counts as hydration, then in which- well, he’s covered. The screen of the television is cracked through; it’s playing Friends reruns. 

He stands abruptly. 

“Sammy, I swear to God, if you start pacing again-” Dean warns, throwing a pillow at him. Sam ducks it, somehow. His body takes up half the room. It’s hard to find space. 

He can’t help it. His feet get itchy, his legs pull tight, and it’s nice. Nice, to put in his earphones and walk around for a little while. “I’ll go out to the parking lot, promise. I won’t bother you.” 

He smiles slightly at Dean, but his brother isn’t much looking. 

The parking lot of the motel has the sticky feeling underfoot of summer heat on asphalt, and sweat. The crumbling pollen and flowers from the trees have made his half-present allergies flare up. As a kid, Sam would have allergy seasons that ran out of sync with everyone else’s. 

Go three years without a single cold, until one awful summer would come and he’d sneeze and sneeze and sneeze. He recalls: Oregon, in a rainy patch. It had been a relief to wash all the yellow pollen away with the weekly downpour. Another thing about Oregon, he’d had a best friend there. A girl. 

Huh. He tries to tuck his smile away, but it comes through like the sun through clouds. Sam looks dumb, doesn’t he? Some goofball pacing around a parking lot and smiling to himself. 

After about ten minutes, maybe more, his pace slows. The scenery is getting too humid. He wants to roll back into bed, into those cool sheets. 

“Sammy? Is that you?” 

Sam kicks his shoes off into the dirty corner. Dean’s left a bootprint on the floor there. If Sam was looking for a fight, he’d say something. “It’s me.” 

“You got a call. Someone left a voicemail. For you.” 

His voice is sharp, pounding hail on cement. “A call?” Sam replies dumbly.

Dean nods his head over to the answering machine. “I’ll put it on for you.” 

Sam’s heart begins to slow to a rolling stretch of highway. The cars moving across it are few and far between and his breath is short and dangerous. 

“Sammy?” The effusive warmth dies down after the nickname, realizing Dean’s heard it through. The voicemail, the nickname. “You gave me this number the other day. Outside the Jewel Osco?” 

He laughs. It crackles over the phone in a friendly way. Friendly the way he kissed tiny little butterflies onto Sam’s collarbones, the way his house was cool in the summer night. 

“I guess you’re a big-time developer and all so I’m not sure if you even care. But I have the jacket you left with me? The other night?” 

He clears his throat. “If you want it back, you can drop by.” The voicemail ends. 

“You leave your jacket at your friend’s house, Sammy? Come on, it’s just like you’re little again. You want me to pick it up for you?” 

Sam realizes two things: Dean hasn’t caught what the message means, and Sam wishes he would have. 

“Dean?” 

“Mmm?” 

Sam has never been able to cry with dry eyes. He can’t hide the shaky undercurrent to his voice. His eyelids feel like cement but he keeps staring at Dean. A flush of fear is blooming high on his cheeks. 

“Me and that guy, we’re not just friends. Or whatever.” 

Sam went calling for information, at his house. Said he was a real estate developer, even though the back of his neck went red with the obvious lie. The suit was cheap and he was young. He’d gotten the information and then this guy, his name is Jude, had kissed him. Sam left the suit jacket there. He’s glad he’s getting it back, all things considered. 

He still doesn’t know what possessed him to hand over his number after buying peanut butter and sandwich bread two days later. A crack in his self control, maybe. 

“What do you mean…” Dean isn’t making jokes, at least. Sam squints hard at the floor. His head feels like a matchbox. Being struck over and over again. His headache is back, erupting with a vengeance. 

“Sam, is it something- Dad did? Is it something I did? To make you, uh.” 

Sam shakes his head, sighing deeply. He wants to be a bitch about it and spit out something sarcastic. “What do you think you could have done?” 

Dean shakes his head. Murmurs, “I don’t know,” almost that Sam can’t hear him. “I guess you’re the type, though, Sammy.” Sam knows what he means by that. “As long as you don’t go around falling in love with some starry eyed dude. We still have to find Dad.” 

“About that. Don’t tell him.” Sam pointedly raises his eyebrows. Dean doesn’t have a great record of choosing- choosing him, his secrets that he keeps tight in his fists. He doesn’t have a record of letting any opportunity to be a good son slip by. 

“Sure, sure.” Dean frowns. “Hey, what about Jess? Did you lead some poor chick on up until-” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Sam’s hands are suddenly shaking. Dean leans back. He’s not the shrinking type, his shoulders stay up and guarded. “I’m not gay, I’m- I’m something else. Both, you know?” The inside of his cheek is bitten raw, he can taste the fleshier bits coming alive. 

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Sammy.” 

The telling was easy; now it’s muddier. Sam wades in anyway. “Who here is the expert, you or me?” The sick dread has risen in his stomach and is now lapping at his sodden brain, pulling him under. It’s hot as hell out but he pulls the blankets over his legs. 

“Sorry. Bad take.” 

“I loved her-” Dean doesn’t like hearing about Jess and Sam cuts himself off. 

“Never mind. I’m going to go get more beer.” Dean leaves. 

Sam looks between the ugly green blankets, the TV still on, the white, unearthly light seeping in through every crack. When he told Jess, she lit up with it, went on to ask him questions, run her fingers through his shower-damp hair and let him talk. 

Dean bursts through the door. “Sammy, I really do want to say- thank you for telling me. You wanna talk about it more, we can go get your girly coffee drink and we can talk about whatever.” 

The aimless tears in Sam’s eyes finally come to the surface. “Oh, come on,” Sam groans. “You don’t have to act like I’m that-” 

Dean interrupts him. “Here, Sammy. Here. The way I see it, you’re like Chandler Bing now.” 

Sam blinks at him. “Dean, he’s not-” 

“Well, maybe not in the show, but everyone knows he’s gay anyway. You’re like Chandler Bing. If you want to go with me and get a coffee, uh, tell me about the guy action you got at Stanford, I’ll be your Joey.” 

Sam swipes the back of his hand across his eyes. If tears were blood he would look like a murder victim. Dean approaches him nervously. “Seriously.” He wrestles Sam into a tight hug, holding him for a long few minutes. 

“Do we still have painkillers around? I have a headache.” The walls (brown wood and decades out of date) are no longer closing in on him under oppressive heat and thoughts of Jess. Dean isn’t mad. Just- just Dean. 

Life returns to normal.

[cno-inbminor]

domus

a/n: here we have another short drabble dump! i wrote this up very quickly -- i’m still working on that long fic i’ve been talking about! i apologize for taking so long to put it together. pls take this short fic as an apology for now. stay hydrated, wear your masks, and be safe! love you all so dearly <3 

plot: when kuroo tetsuro drops the hard-hitting truth that he’s fallen out of love with you, your first thought is to escape. but you find comfort in the least likely person: akaashi keiji, a boy you had grown up with out of forced family interactions, who always seemed so distant from you. yet you probably knew more about him than anyone else. 

characters: fem!reader, ex-bf!kuroo, & family friend!akaashi 

wc: ~3.7k, will probably have other parts in the future.

genre/warnings: angst with dashes of fluff; mentions of alcohol

pt. 2 | pt. 3

edit: now crossposted to AO3!

When you’re in love, you spend weeks and months wondering why time won’t stop. You sit and ponder over why you’ll have to die someday and leave behind the person you’ve dedicated your entire soul to, or what might happen if your death came early and you didn’t get to say goodbye. You wonder why the seasons seem to pass you by so quickly, that in the blink of an eye, you go from enjoying a cup of iced tea on the porch to holding a mug of hot chocolate inside watching snowflakes swirl in their journeys to the ground.

But when love ceases to exist, time seems to stop. The days drag for longer, the seasons crawl at a turtle’s pace, and the inevitable end feels less terrifying. You no longer fear the eventual sagging of your skin or the spider legs that grow at the corners of your eyes. You no longer cling onto a hope that there will be a lover’s hand holding yours at your bed of eternal sleep. You simply become, just you. Solitary, single, independent you.

It’s no longer you and someone else. The realization stings so badly that it physically hurts you, a whimper leaving your throat. You shakily reach over for the next blouse and fight back the tears, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip. The skin is chapped and broken to the point that you would need layers and layers of chapstick to save any semblance of it, a terrible habit that you wish you hadn’t possessed. It’s muscle memory, the way you fold the blouse in half, fold the sleeves in, bending it over your arm before it lands in a neat stack of other tops in your suitcase. Your eyes take a glance at the clock, and you gather you have about another hour before you needed to leave for the airport and make it on time for your flight.

You ignore the male figure hunched over on the edge of your bed, tuning out his pleas and broken promises. He begs you to give him time, to implore that it’s all his fault and he’ll make it work for the two of you. Tetsuro promises that he didn’t mean to and that it wasn’t anything you did, but you feel so empty inside that you can’t even find the energy to argue, to turn on him and say that he was pretending to take all the blame so it’d be a better explanation to all your friends. A relationship involves both parties, and while there were special exceptions, this wasn’t one of them. Something was clearly wrong with you, and you were okay with that. You were just tired of Testuro attempting to take everything onto himself.

“I thought it’d be best to come clean with you,” he says, throat hoarse from lack of hydration. “I know you would question it and I haven’t done anything, I swear, I know you’re amazing and don’t deserve to live a lie and—”

“Do you want me to say ‘thank you’?” You interjected quietly, morosely. Your hands slide open the underwear drawer and take out a week’s worth of underwear, bras, and bralettes. “Do you want me to express my gratitude in your honesty for telling me that you don’t love me anymore? You can easily buy a trophy online and make the inscription yourself. ‘Most honest man alive’? Is that what you want?” You ask, tone flat and not possessing the least bit of amusement and humor.

“Can’t you give me some time? I’ll try, I’ll try to figure out what went wrong, and I can love you again. We can still get married and everything, but please don’t leave.”

“I’m not leaving forever, Tetsu. I’m just gone for a week, maybe more.”

“Where are you even going?”

“That’s none of your business,” you quickly reply, defenses back up as you make a beeline for the bathroom. You pick up all the toiletries you can, the ones that would be allowed in your carry-on. Strangers won’t care about your missing skincare routine and your complexion not looking its best.

“What if you get lost? Or kidnapped? What if people ask—”

“Easy. Just tell them I had a last minute business trip, family emergency, whatever floats your boat.”

“Can’t you see that I’m trying? I—”

“This isn’t just about you!” You snap, whirling around to look at him for the first time in the last hour or so. Testuro notices with a pang in his heart that your cheeks have sunken in slightly since he broke his revelation to you just last week, the eye circles darker than ever. But your eyes are soulless, dead, no shine or spark that he’d wake up to every morning even muddled with sleep.

“You can’t just expect me to be okay and continue to bend over backwards for you without question. The least you could do is give me my time, give me some space to think about all of it. That’s the bare minimum.”

And with that, you zip your suitcase shut, grab your passport (even though you probably don’t need it), keys, wallet, and phone, and walk as quickly as you can to the front door. The scheduled Uber will arrive in just a few minutes, and as you slip into a pair of flats, you can hear the creak of the bed and Testuro’s padded steps nearing you.

“Just be careful, okay? Call me if you need anything, anything. You’re still one of the most important people to me, so just – text me at some point. Let me know you’re alive at least.”

“You need to rest. You’re on call tomorrow,” you digress while opening the door.

“(Y/n)—”

“I’ll text you. Promise.”

And the door shuts behind you.

-

Your relationship with Akaashi Keiji is…hard to explain. In fact, you’re not even sure what to refer him as in your life. Anytime you spoke of him or attempted to explain, you’d fumble over words and draw blanks. While it was irritating and aggravating at times, you learned to just accept it.

Akaashi Keiji was the neighbor down the street, two years older, and someone who had known you since you were 8. Your moms were attached at the hip not longer after you moved to Tokyo, and that meant holidays were spent together, impromptu get-togethers and dinners were a common occurrence, and you saw him frequently at school. He was a quiet soul, gentle, but reserved. In fact, most of the things you knew about him were secondhand conversations from your mother talking about the family, because honestly his mom was basically your second mom now, and your mother trusted you with everything. His past, his troubles, his personality all relayed through your mom from his own, and when you saw him in the hallways, he wasn’t much of an enigma to you. Many other girls had found the mysterious air around him to be attractive, that the pretty setter who only ever smiled around his volleyball team and kept a tight circle of friends had something significant beneath the layers.

Keiji grew up with you, playing Smash on the Wii to pass time as your parents gossiped away. Sometimes, you’d play an intense game of Monopoly with him, a game that typically tipped in his favor. He never said much about himself, always relayed more about others that overlapped in your lives. The most he ever spoke to you about was when it came to teachers at school, even giving you some of his old notes and pointers. But even you could tell that he kept his guards up, and you wondered if he even classified you as a friend.

Your go-to explanation of Keiji’s standing in your life was a family friend. But that insinuated you were close with him, which you weren’t at all. No matter how many times he walked home with you (mainly at the pushing from his mother), no matter how many times he was forced to entertain you at dinners and holidays, no matter how many times he gave you a small smile in school, there was such a large gap between the two of you. He always seemed so different around his team, like they had the privilege of knowing the real him, and at times, you felt…jealous.

And the weird thing is that you can rely on him somehow – whether it be because he’d get an earful from his parents if he didn’t help you when you asked it or out of the goodness of his heart, he was simply always there. Sometimes, you were bold enough to text him about a show he talked about in the past, and he would reply quickly as if your unexpected, rare text about something benign didn’t faze him at all.  

Yet despite the distance, despite the lack of any semblance of an actual friendship with him, he was the first one you thought of when all this happened. He was the one you wanted to see – maybe it’s because he was the closest thing to home, and you didn’t want to go back to your parents explaining everything. It’s been a while since you’ve been back in Tokyo, ever since you moved to Sapporo for your job and Testuro got matched for a residency at a hospital there.

At 7PM on a Friday afternoon, past the baggage claim with the sunset beaming in through the sliding glass doors, you stare at Keiji’s contact on your phone, thumb hovering hesitantly over the call button. You could count the number of times you’ve called him on one hand, but this was an emergency, right? Is this why your heart is pounding against your chest, so anxious that you feel like you’ll break into a cold sweat any time soon?

You jump into the deep end.

Your hand nervously brings the phone to your ear, waiting with bated breath as the dial tone echoes in the chamber of your brain. Part of you wants him to miss the call so you can avoid this awkward conversation, but another part of you desperately wants him to pick up as if he’ll be able to save you.

Oh god oh god oh god, you panic as the tone stops, there’s a pause, a rustle, and then a hesitant, “—Hello?”

You didn’t plan this out. You’re not ready for this. Shit, what are you supposed to say?

“—hello? (Y/n)?”

“Have you had dinner yet?”

Wow, you’re a terrible conversationalist.

“…um, I haven’t actually. I was about to warm up some leftovers?”

Your eyes focus on the taxis driving by, picking up passengers as they get waved down. Maybe you should just find a cheap hotel nearby, continue this conversation tomorrow.

“Well…I’m in town, actually. I just landed about 30 minutes ago and realized I didn’t have anywhere to go and I don’t really want to call anyone else and I don’t exactly know who else to call so I just, um, thought about calling you and asking if you’ve had dinner? Which if you’re busy and stuff, that’s totally fine, I should’ve texted you beforehand instead of springing this on you and—”

“(Y/n), it’s okay, alright? It’s okay. I’m not busy, so you can stop by. Did my mom ever give you my address?”

Keiji’s brief attempt to calm you down works, surprisingly. You allow yourself to take a deep breath despite the stale airport air, but it was some much-needed oxygen. This is going to be okay, Keiji doesn’t hate you quite yet.

“N-no, she never did.”

“That’s fine, I’ll text it to you. My place is about 30 minutes from the airport, I’d recommend getting a taxi instead of an Uber. I’ll order some delivery—”

“Oh, you don’t have to—”

“You still like the miso ramen from that shop not far from your house, right? They opened up a second store not far from where I live.”

How did he remember that? You’re pretty sure your own mother had forgotten that fact by now.

“Y-yeah, I do,” you smile to yourself. “I still think about it sometimes.”

“Sounds good then. Get here safely then.”

“Okay. Thank you loads again. I’m sorry for all this—”

“Don’t worry about it. Keep me updated, see you later.”

“Yeah, bye.”

Not 30 seconds later, a text arrives to your phone with an address, a keycode for getting past the main door, and other relevant instructions.

-

Keiji’s apartment is exactly as you expect it to be – prim, proper, neat almost to a fault, with minimalist decorations. The apartment complex he lives in is rather high-end, if the security guards standing outside the main entrance indicated anything. You almost feel completely out of place or like a bug on the wall as you step in after him, a rather comfortable silence between the two of you. His kitchen is spotless and almost sparkles back at you, and the only thing that seems out of place are the containers of your ramen he so kindly ordered for you.

“Your place is really nice, it’s really…you,” you comment, setting your stuff down at the door. Keiji indulges you with a quiet laugh, making sure that there wasn’t anything that would be in your way. His glasses are perched on his head, an old monochrome t-shirt on his shoulders and sweatpants hung low on his hips, yet in this apartment that almost seems like it should be in an interior design magazine, he looks at home. His ethereal beauty, the softness in his eyes, the gentle up-turned strands of his hair – he belonged here.

“The ramen came not too long ago, so it’s still hot. I’ll go ahead and put it together, you can put your jacket on the couch.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Instead, you fold your jacket over your suitcase and quietly make your way into the apartment. Straight across from you are doors to a balcony – darkness had long taken over the city, so you see nothing but your reflection at first. But as you near the plexiglass, the reflection disappears into the view and you almost gasp from the beauty of it.

Blinking lights, flashing billboards, and the brightly lit Tokyo Skytree peer back at you. It only hits you now how much you’ve missed home, and that even though Sapporo was one of the largest cities in Japan, it still wasn’t Tokyo.

“I never get tired of it,” Keiji chimes in while carrying your bowl of ramen to the dining table.

“It’s an amazing view, I can see why you’d live here,” you reply while moving away from it. The table also has two empty wine glasses, and just as you’re about to ask him why they were there, he returns with a newly opened bottle of chardonnay.

“I haven’t had a lot of time to restock the wine fridge, but I knew I was going to kick myself for not having a bottle of that dessert wine we had before you went off to college,” he said with mirth and amusement. “You remember that one?”

“Yeah,” you nearly splutter, almost flushing that once again, Keiji was remembering details about you that you didn’t even know. “Your mom wanted to throw me a graduation dinner and you made it back in time after finals. And she had a bottle of it and between the two of us, we probably drank most of it. Our parents said it was too sweet.”

He nods and sits across from you, elbows on the table as you mutter, “Itadakimasu,” and start eating. You finish your meal silently for the most part, making small talk here and there. Keiji refills both of your glasses and the two of you sip the wine demurely, and while he seems okay with the lack of an explanation, you’re struggling to find the right words.

“So what’s with the impromptu trip to Tokyo? Are you going to see your parents?”

“Should I try to lie to you?”

“It’s up to you.”

Oh, okay then.

But he looks expectant, as if he knows you wouldn’t lie to him – in fact, you’ve never lied to him before. There was never any need to, but did that just mean neither of you ever cared enough?

“Something happened with me and Testuro. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but at the end of the day…I just needed to get away, as cliché as it sounds,” you laugh brokenly. Keiji continues to carefully observe you with a stare that you can’t escape. “I don’t want to tell my parents – you know them, they’ll ask a million questions. Without thinking, I booked a ticket to Tokyo and…now I’m here.”

That was a lie. How are you supposed to tell Keiji that he was the first person you thought of in an effort to run away? You and Keiji have never gotten personal before, he made sure of that. The last thing you want to do is weird him and scare him off.

“…did he cheat on you?” Keiji asked. His voice is darker in his inquiry, deeper than you’ve ever heard before. He has his hands folded in front of his lips and his eyes harden. Testuro may be an old friend to him, but you were in his life longer.

“Nonononono,” you quickly wave off. This isn’t the time to slander your…boyfriend? Could Tetsuro still even be your boyfriend if he no longer has any feelings for you? “Nothing like that.”

“That’s good to hear. If you want, you can tell me another time then. You’re welcome to stay here until you go back to Sapporo.”

You look up at him, eyes incredulous. Could Keiji really be this comfortable with you?

“I wouldn’t mind staying tonight, but I can stay in a hotel for the rest of the week that I’m here.”

“Nonsense,” Keiji refutes, standing from the table and taking your wine glasses to the sink. You follow with your bowl and he starts washing them before you can even offer. “Mom would kill me if she knew I let you pay for a hotel when I have a perfectly functioning bed you can stay in.”

“I mean, if it’s not a bother…”

“It’s not. The futon’s pretty comfortable, I’ve definitely fallen asleep on it plenty of times.”

“We can switch, I would never let you sleep on the futon for a whole week.”

“If you say so then. But for tonight, you can take my bed. Let me grab you an extra towel so you can shower. I’m sure you’ve had a long day,” he says while drying everything off, folding the kitchen towel neatly before heading off to his room. He returns with a large, soft grey towel and you shyly take it from him with a word of thanks, but he stays there in front of you, waiting for something.

“I’m really glad you picked up the phone,” you whisper softly, feeling the effects of the alcohol. You’re entering uncharted territory for the two of you, and this could either kill or strengthen this odd distant friendship. “I meant it when I said I didn’t know who else to call. You were the first person that came to mind and just…I don’t want to make this weird, like you can kick me out,” you begin to ramble. “Don’t feel like you’re obligated to take me in because your mom would be disappointed if you wouldn’t, you’ve already put up with me for over 15 years and it’s fine, I can be on my own and—”

Smooth, calloused hands delicately hold your face, large palms and nimble fingers cupping your cheeks. Your words die on your tongue as Keiji stares straight into your eyes, holding your gaze until your breathing calms down to a steady, languid pace. “You’re my friend, (y/n). So it’s good that you called me.”

“I’m your…friend?” You ask unsteadily, feeling a sense of disbelief.

“Yeah,” he confirms with the corners of his lips turning up slightly. “We’re friends.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Now go shower.”

“Okay.”

-

You’re fast asleep before Keiji finishes his own shower, his bedroom door left ajar as the hallway light beams through. He pauses in the midst of drying his hair with a towel, letting it bunch and hang off his neck as he cautiously pushes the door open. Keiji notices your even breathing and how much more relaxed you look in sleep. You’re curled up on your side with the blanket pulled up to your face and he can’t lie: it’s adorable and cute, and he shouldn’t really be thinking these things.

He sits on the edge of the bed in the little space that’s provided, lithe fingers reaching out to brush back a few stray wisps of your hair. Watching you sleep pulls him back into a fond memory he’s kept of the two of you, one that might’ve held very little significance to you but meant something so much more to him. He knows you know him well, he knows how much his mother babbles on about him, and adults were more prone to gossip than the rowdiest of teenagers – he’d be painfully oblivious if he didn’t think you knew that much about him, or more than the average friend.

But it’s comforting to him, sometimes. Knowing you, how kindly you think of others, he might not have to explain what he’s feeling in the moment. You would be able to know, and that soothes him to some degree.

Maybe he had a little bit too much wine as well, but ever so subtly, motions steady and unhurried, he deftly leans closer and closer until his lips brush the apple of your cheek. He lingers for no more than a few seconds and sits back up, gazing at you before standing. His hands adjust the blankets and make sure you’re properly tucked in. He pads away, shutting the door behind him as quietly as possible as to not wake you.

And when he’s found a comfortable position on the futon with his most comfortable throw blanket, he realizes, begrudgingly, that this week will fly by too fast for his liking.  

[rhyrhy462]

Sleepover (G.D.)

Pairing: grayson dolan x best friend!reader

Warnings: bad writing, pining, one swear word, semi-sappines, self-indulgent because of the big mouth thing and the snacks

gif by @pinof

Everyone knew that Grayson Dolan went to bed early. It never failed that he was turning his phone off and putting it on his nightstand at midnight.

His best friend, Y/N, was a night owl. She went to bed at 3 in the morning most of the time.

Grayson and Y/N tried to squeeze in sleepovers whenever they could. These usually happened on Friday nights and consisted of, in no particular order, eating dinner, watching a movie, begging Grayson to take you to a grocery store to buy snacks, listening to music, begging Grayson to get you ice cream, and sleeping.

So just like all the other Friday nights, Y/N knocked on Grayson and Ethan’s door at exactly 6:53pm. She knows it’s a very specific time, but Grayson always has dinner ready by 7:05. So if she gets there at the perfect time, dinner will be ready and Grayson can’t yell at her for getting there too early when she complains about being hungry.

“It’s open, Y/N” Grayson yelled through the door, right as she was turning the knob and pushing the door in.

“I don’t even get a hello? I brought you homemade almond butter and everything!” If there was one thing Grayson loved in this world, it was Y/N’s homemade almond butter. He knew she just got the recipe online, but every time he tried to make it, it just didn’t turn out the right way.

“I’m sorry babe. Come give me a hug” Y/N felt her heart flutter when he called her ‘babe.’ Yeah, they called each other pet names all the time, but he said it so casually, almost as if she was his girl-

“Come gimme a hug.” Grayson pressed again, just as she started walking towards him.

She wrapped her arms around him, just as he wrapped one arm around her, still pushing around vegetables in a pan. “I missed you.”

Y/N and Grayson hadn’t had a sleepover in about a month and a half. They had both been busy. Whenever they did get to see each other, it’d be for an hour or so, but they never got to have fun with each other. “Missed you more.” Grayson replied, right as he was dumping the vegan stir-fry onto their plates.

“Looks good.” She said, as she started putting dishes in the dishwasher. If Y/N hated anything, it was having to do the dishes after she’s gotten comfortable. Lucky for her, Grayson had listened to her and started putting dishes in the dishwasher as he went along instead of having 30 dishes in the sink. She put the five dishes that had been left in the dishwasher, picked up her plate, and looked at Grayson questioningly. She was silently asking him if he was ready to go eat in his room.

“Let’s go.” Was all Grayson had to say to have her following him to his room.

Once they made it to Grayson’s room, Y/N plopped down onto his bed as he picked up the remote from his desk and tossed it to her. Every sleepover they alternated who got to choose what they watched. This time, it was Y/N’s turn. She turned his tv on and went straight to Netflix. Grayson had a feeling he knew what she was gonna pick. She threatened him with it all the time, but she did actually want to rewatch the show.

Grayson groaned as soon as he saw that she was hovering on Big Mouth. “What’s wrong with Big Mouth?” She genuinely wanted to know his answer.

“You’ve seen it at least ten times and you quote the whole show.” Grayson complained. He wasn’t wrong though. Y/N knew Big Mouth like the back of her hand. The reason why she watched it so many times was so she could directly quote the show. She already knew most of the iconic lines, but there were some she was still trying to learn.

“It’s my night to choose, babes. I hate to break it to ya, but I choose Big Mouth.” She said, just as she clicked on Season 1, Episode 2 ‘Everybody Bleeds.’ It was one of her favorite episodes because it was funny, but also because she knew the quotes. It was also the first episode Ladybug appeared in. If Y/N was honest, Ladybug was probably her favorite character. Ladybug was also the only character that she could completely quote.

With food in hand, she got as close to Grayson as humanly possible, just as he was draping a blanket over both of their legs. They ate while they exchanged jokes and talked about how’d they’d been, all while Y/N still managed to quote the best lines from Big Mouth.

They had finished eating a while ago. Now it was 9pm and Y/N wanted snacks. From their cuddled up position, she looked up at him, to see him looking at the screen. She smiled to herself because as much as he hated to admit it, Grayson thought Big Mouth was hilarious. “Gray?” She questioned, because yes, they had had dinner two hours ago, but she was ready for snacks.

He didn’t even have to look at her to know what she wanted. The first thing he did was look at his watch to confirm what time it was. It never failed. Around 9 o’clock, Y/N always wanted snacks. So he untangled himself from her and sat up, rubbing a hand over his face. His eyes darting around the room trying to find something that Y/N is completely unaware of. “Grayson? What are you looking for? Where are you going?” She asked, rubbing her eyes.

“I’m looking for two hoodies. You want to go get snacks don’t you?” Grayson said, realizing that none of his hoodies were anywhere in his room and he’d have to go into his closet.

“You know me so well.” She said, grinning when Grayson came out of his closet, two hoodies in hand, and tossed one to her.

Right after she slipped it on, on top of her shirt, Grayson was asking her, “Ready?”

He didn’t even wait for her response, just started walking towards his bedroom door, to which she followed right behind him, all the way to the Porsche. After they got in the car, he turned to look at her and asked, “Where we goin’?”

“Target.” She responded, as he started backing out of the driveway. Y/N always, always, let Grayson choose the music. Grayson always said the driver got to choose the music, but she never put up a fight with anything he chose. Which is why when Grayson asked her to shuffle his Young Thug playlist, she did it. No questions asked, bobbing her head to the music, even rapping some of it, on their way to Target.

When they got there, Grayson parked in the closest parking space he could find. There were a few cars in the parking lot, but not too many. Even if Grayson hadn’t seen Y/N in a while, he always kept three masks in his car. One for himself, one for Ethan, and one for Y/N. They both put their masks on and started walking toward the entrance.

When they got inside, Y/N was grabbing Grayson’s hand and dragging him all the way to the snacks section. The first thing she grabbed was pretzels, one of her all time favorite snacks, but sometimes she forgets how much she likes them. She went on a search to find Nutella, which in the process, Grayson made a smart comment about it not being vegan. Then she grabbed two bags of Doritos, cool ranch and nacho cheese.

Immediately after she grabbed the Doritos, she thought about ice cream. Grayson was on this stupid health kick getting ready for this match with Logan, that doesn’t even have a date. Because of that, it had become 200 times harder to convince Grayson to get ice cream. He knew that if he was around Y/N when she was eating ice cream, he’d cave. Which is why right now, when he saw that look in Y/N’s eyes, he knew exactly what she wanted.

He didn’t even let her get it out, “No.”

“But I didn’t even-“

“Absolutely not. I’m trying to eat healthy.”

“You don’t have to have any. Just let me get some.” She pleaded.

“Y/N, no. Are you done?”

“Grayson, please?” She begged, giving him that look that she knew would make him say yes.

“Fuckin’ fine. Let’s go” Grayson said, giving in.

So they walked to the ice cream section. Y/N already knew what she was going to get. She picked up two jars of Talenti. She made sure to choose vegan flavors, so she chose Alphonso Mango and Roman Raspberry. Grayson groaned when he realized she chose vegan ice cream. “You want me to have some that bad?”

She just nodded and told him, “I’m ready to check out.”

They walked to self-checkout and put everything down. Grayson always let Y/N scan because it was one of her favorite things to do. She didn’t know why, it just made her happy. When she had scanned everything, she went to pull out her card. “Uh-uh.” This was a conversation they had all the time. Y/N could afford to buy her own snacks, but Grayson just wouldn’t allow it.

“Grayson, at most it’s 25 dollars. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I invited you over, so I should pay for it.”

“I asked for snacks, so I should pay for it.”

“Let me pay for it this time and then you can pay me back later.” Grayson only suggested that because he knew she never carried cash and he didn’t have cash app.

“Fine, but I get to buy them next time.”

“Ok, fine.” Grayson just shrugged his shoulders.

“Promise.” Y/N said, holding out her pinky.

“I promise.” Grayson said, as he linked their pinkies together rolling his eyes.

The ride back to Grayson’s house was smooth, but it felt long. So long, that Y/N tilted her head back and closed her eyes for what felt like 2 minutes. It actually ended up being a little under 30 because when she was opening her eyes, they were pulling into his driveway.

Grayson didn’t say anything about her falling asleep. Every chance he got, he’d glance over at the sleeping girl beside him. Right now, though, he was running over to open the car door for her and help her out. Every time she fell asleep in the car she was always disoriented for a few minutes after.

When they got back to his bedroom, spoons in hand because they stopped at the kitchen to get napkins and spoons, Grayson dropped the bag in the middle of the bed while Y/N crawled right back in his bed. As Grayson was climbing into bed, Y/N realized that it was a little after 11pm. She knew once Grayson had some ice cream, he’d be out like a light and she’d be up all alone, but she just wanted to live in the moment. Turning Big Mouth back on, they snuggled, both holding ice cream and a blanket thrown over them because Grayson knew Y/N got cold when she ate ice cream, but refused to admit it.

It was closing in on 12am and she saw Grayson trying to keep his eyes open and converse with her about any and everything. “Go to sleep, babe. I can stay up on my own.” She murmured to him as she went to reach for the remote to turn the tv off, so Grayson could sleep well.

Grayson grabbed the remote before she could and sat up a little bit straighter, “Don’t be silly. I want to stay up with you.”

“Babyyyy.” She said, absolutely oblivious to the fact that he was in love with her and would stay up all night with her if it meant getting to hang out with her.

“I love you, Y/N.” And he meant it with everything he had.

“I love you more, bub.” She responded, as Grayson pulled her even further into his chest.

tagging: @blindedbythelightt​ @333dolans​ @foxglovedolan​

A/N: hi! if you read it, thank you!! this had no business being 2k words, but it’s my longest fic thus far. if you have feedback let me know. if you wanna be tagged, which idk why you would, but if you do lmk. this literally took like 3 hours to write becuase writers block 😭😭😭😭 anyway, this is so self-indulgent i- anyway, love you sm. peace ✌️

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

Scars (Smut)

Scars

Summary: You hadn't seen Will ever since the day he left you to chase Hannibal in Florence, finding out after a while that he got married to someone else. But with the murders of the tooth fairy, Jack asked him to come back to help, and he couldn't stay away anymore, showing up for a visit. Will the old scars of your heart burst open in new wounds or heal completely?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: SMUT, angst, swearing, spoilers from season 3.

Word count: 3.381

A/n: this is the first smut I write in English, it's not my first language, so I hope it's alright. Any mistakes or anything, just let me know. This is another one with my boi Will, I just love him so much AAAAAA

As I read The Wuthering Heights for the hundredth time sitting in the living room, I heard someone ring the doorbell. I sighed, staring at the clock. It was still early. The person I was expecting would just come in, after all, Alana was a close friend and she knew she was allowed to do so. I raised an eyebrow. I wasn't expecting anybody else.

My dog, Sally, started to bark thunderously, sniffing under the door. I closed the book lethargicly, rolling my eyes as I got up the couch in a lazy mood, walking to the door and opening without asking who was outside, realizing perhaps too soon it was a mistake.

Will Graham stared at me, a light smile in his handsome face that didn't reach his eyes. I felt like something was twitching my stomach, and probably turned albescent. I hadn't seen him in over three years. Alana warned me he was back in town to work on the tooth fairy's case, but I didn't think he would stop by for a visit. Not after so long. 

"Good to see you, Y/n." He tried, obtaining no response of mine. "I… I was just around the neighborhood and I wanted to see you. It's been a while."

"Who gave you my address?" I retorted, probably sounding more hostile than I intended.  He stepped back, scratching the back of his neck, probably already regretting the impulsive idea. 

"Jack."

"Of course he did. What else did he tell you?"

"Was there anything else he should've told me?" I searched his face for any sign of emotions, but didn't get anything that could tell me what he was feeling. The old Will was someone I could always read, no matter what. After Hannibal came along, he just started to show less and less emotions, till his face became a cold mask, his deep eyes empty, opaque. I missed the sweet, caring Will. 

I was just standing there, silent. Sally found some space between my legs and managed to get out the house, launching at Will, wagging her tail and trying to get close enough of his ears so she could lick them. Will laughed lightly, crouching down to pet her. 

"Who's this?" He asked, scratching behind her ears. I crossed my arms, I gave everything to that dog, undying love, a bed, high quality food, and now she backstabs me. 

"That's Sally. She's a stray I took in one year and a half ago. Sally, sweetheart, come inside." I whistled once and she obeyed, running through my legs again. I sighed, stepping away from the door so he could come in. Maybe he wouldn't stay for long if I just let him in. He hesitated, but entered, passing through me. I could smell the air as he passed, he still used the same aftershave. That hurt even more, and I could feel my eyes watering a little. Why did he have to come? Why was he here? What does he want? 

I tried to hide it, opening the kitchen door so Sally could play in the backyard, then walking to the sideboard where I kept whisky.

"Would you like some?" I inquired, still not feeling safe enough to face him. "I'm pouring myself one."

"Sure. Please. Neat." He replied, and I could feel his eyes on me, watching every single movement I made. That made my hands tremble a bit, and I cursed in a whisper when I spilled a little bit of the drink. So fucking clumsy. 

I finally faced him when I felt my eyes get dryer, smiling lightly as I gave him the glass of whisky, neat. Our fingers touched a bit and I sat beside him, albeit a little far, taking a long sip of my glass. We stayed like that for a few minutes, two strangers that used to know each other, love each other. My eyes traveled through his face and I distinguished some new scars, probably from the great encounter with Hannibal Lecter and Mason Verger​ a few years ago. I remembered the way I used to kiss every single scar he had, I loved every part of Will, his scars were part of his story, part of who he was. 

He lowered his eyes for a moment, smiling as he saw the book standing on the coffee table.

"Is it still your favorite? Wuthering Heights." He grabbed the book, opening the first page. There was the name I didn't use anymore. Y/n Graham. He gave me that edition as a Christmas gift a long time ago, and I couldn't get rid of it, fantasizing that after such a long time, I could still feel Will's scent in it. 

"Undoubtedly. Every time I read it it's like the first. Except maybe now it's even more bitter." I avoided facing him, staring at the book, suddenly feeling pretty silly. He didn't ask. He knew why. 

"I suppose Heathcliff's still your favorite character."

"Now more than even, guess I finally understand his suffering." I regretted sounding so harsh, but it was said now. Will clenched his jaw.

"So you're saying I'm your Catherine?"

"I don't know. Am I?" I teased, hugging my body protectively. "Why are you here, Will? Why did you have to come? To torment me? You left three years ago after I begged you to stay, you just had to go after Hannibal, pursue your hunt. I allowed you to go, but I couldn't be there when you returned. I didn't even know you would return alive or if I would see a miserable Jack Crawford knocking on my door with grief in his face. I wouldn't bear it. So I left, but I kept expecting you to come find me if you ever got back. Then, Hannibal was finally arrested. I thought it was finally over, but you never came. You left again, and a while later I heard…"

My eyes traveled through his hands and I saw it. The wedding ring. That hurt so much I finally felt tears wetting my face, and dismissed them quickly with one hand.

"So it is true. You did get married." My voice sounded venomous, sharp as a knife. "Lucky girl. We didn't even get to that stage. Engagement was the maximum."

He was silent, allowing me to vent. As I haven't done that a lot with Alana already. His eyes were finally wet, finally some emotion on his face. That handsome face. That face I would never get tired of. I wanted to kiss them away, hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but it wouldn't. That teacup would never gather itself up again. We were two broken souls. 

"I thought you wouldn't want me anymore. I wasn't the man you once met, the man you fell for, I was no longer good for you, if I ever have been. Hannibal changed me in ways you could never understand, ways even I don't understand."

"Hannibal changed all of us. Like a poison ivy that found its way into our cores and grew roots there. I can still feel his damage inside me, like… A cancer. It spreads. It tastes like metal at the tip of my tongue. I saw his face in my dreams for a very long time after you left. I still see him sometimes, not necessarily in my dreams…" I stopped talking as he grabbed my hand, caressing the palm with his thumb. I realized how much I missed his hands. They were a little rough due to how much he worked with them, but it never bothered me. It was ridiculous how much he could still affect me with a single touch, a look. 

"I wanted to start over. Leave everything behind. I wanted to… Flee from that darkness that nested me. But it followed me, as it does wherever I go. I wanted someone pure, so it could contain it, or even diminish it. But you, Y/n… You never left my mind. I could never suppress you." He raised his hand, touching my cheek with cold, pale fingers. That touch made me close my eyes, his voice working like a balsam inside of me. I sighed, totally giving in. 

Will got closer, his lips touching mine with such delicacy. I touched his hair, grabbing some on the back of his neck, pulling it lightly. That made him release a low groan, as the kiss started to get deeper. I moved my body, wanting to stay as close to him as the laws of physics allowed, and when I felt his tongue touch mine, fireworks eclode from my chest, my heart beating as fast as a hummingbird's. 

I still loved him, of course I did. I never stopped. All the bitterness he left with his departure started to boil on my chest, becoming something else, something I couldn't figure out yet. His lips moved from mine to my neck, and I moaned a little louder, sinking my nails on his shoulders. One of his hands moved to my thigh and I allowed myself to lie down on the couch, pulling him with me. He lifted my leg and I embraced his waist with them, feelings mixtured inside my chest. That was wrong, he was a married man now. He had a wife waiting for him back home. 

But, for a moment while he stared at me, our foreheads glued together, I saw my Will in his eyes. I saw the Will I first met, the socially awkward man Alana introduced me years ago and couldn't even stare me in the eyes, the kind, caring man I once knew. One single tear fell from his eye, and I knew he was probably conflicted as well. I kissed it away, kissing his lips again, a deep, slow kiss that made my insides chiver. I needed him so much. Even if it was just one time. Just for today. I needed that kind of closure.

I unbottoned his shirt, sinking my fingers into the skin of his biceps. He threw it on the floor, going for my clothes, and I thanked myself mentally for a moment for wearing a dress. He'd seen it before, he'd taken it off many times. He lifted the piece of clothing above my head and I threw it away gladly, kissing his neck while opening his pants. He kicked off his shoes, doing the same with the pants and underwear as I took off my bra. He took a while to stare at my body, his pupils so dilated with lust his eyes were almost completely black.

"No one looks at me the way you do." I said, noticing I haven't heard that tone in my voice for a very long time. 

He pulled my panties off and rested his hips on mine, shutting his eyes as he slipped slowly inside of me. I let out a low gasp, trying to stabilize my breathing. Will hid his face on my neck and I could feel his hot breathing and the light scratches of his beard. Still slowly, he started to move inside me, thrusting back and forth. I bit my bottom lip as I tried to suppress a groan, and one of his hands grabbed my breast, his thumb stimulating the nipple. Will knew all my "buttons". Where to push, where to hold, so I could melt in his hands. 

He started to thrust faster and faster, and I could feel the familiar feeling growing at the bottom of my stomach. A few more minutes and I lifted my head up, shutting my eyes as the pleasure started to grow.

"No." Will said almost in a whisper, pulling my chin down. "Let me see your face. I need it." 

I stared at him while we both climaxed, a loud cry leaving my lips and Will's almost louder groan echoing through my ears. He dropped his body on mine, both of us covered in sweat and bodily fluids. We stayed that way until we could breathe normally again, his head on my chest and my fingers playing with his hair.

I wanted to say so many things. How much I loved him. How much I wanted him to stay. How much I've missed him. But he knew. He always knew. After that, we showered together to get rid of the sweat, and even then we couldn't stay away from each other. He hugged me while the water washed our body, kissing sometimes my lips, sometimes my forehead, my neck, my shoulder. I kissed every single one of his scars, as I used to do. I thought I'd seen tears on his face, but it might have been the water pouring from the shower. 

After we finished the shower, he got dressed and I put on a robe, my hair wetting the silk. Will took my face in his hands, kissing my lips with tenderness. I wanted to ask him to stay. He knew that. I wanted him to leave before I made a fool of myself.

He was still holding my face when the door suddenly opened and I pushed him away quickly.

Alana entered, looking from Will to me, and I knew I would get scolded later for that. She noticed, always cunning. 

"Well, just look what the cat dragged in." She said with sarcasm, the door still open. "Hi, Will. Long time no see."

"Alana." He said, seeming surprised. She didn't have time to answer, though. Her son, Morgan, entered the house accompanied by my little world.

"Mommy!" The dark haired child ran to me, bringing a smile to my face as I crouched down to hug him.

"My beautiful boy! Did you have fun at the zoo?" I asked, forgetting about Will's presence for a while. "I hope he wasn't too much trouble, Alana. Henry, did you behave?"

"Mommy, we saw a lion! He roared, and then we saw the giraffes, and the tiger…"

"Look at you dodging my question! Very canny." I laughed, hugging him again.

"He always behaves, you know that. He's a good kid." Alana answered, but she wasn't looking at me. She was staring directly at Will.

I looked at him. His eyes were on Henry, he seemed shocked, astonished. 

"I'll be on my way, then. I'll call you later." She said almost like a threat, making me smile.

"Okay. Bye, Morgan. Send my regards to Margot, Alana, and come to dinner at the end of the week."

"Will do. See you around, Will." She closed the door behind her, leaving me with the two people I loved the most. 

"Henry, this is Will. He's an old friend of mommy's. Won't you say hello?" I brought him closer to Will, and he got down on his knees, his eyes wet. 

"Hi, Henry." He greeted, smiling with joy. Real joy. I smiled back, caressing Henry's hair. "It's nice meeting you."

"Hi." He replied with shyness, hiding behind my body. That made me laugh lightly.

"Baby, why don't you go upstairs and draw a picture of that lion you saw? How about that?" I asked him, kissing the top of his head.

"Okay, mommy." He started to climb up the stairs as Will still stared at him, seeming amazed. 

"Is he… Is he…" Will tried to formulate his words, emotion breaking his voice.

"Yes. He's yours. Not difficult to notice, right? He looks just like you." I replied, wiping the tears away. "I found out I was pregnant a few days after you left. When you came back and Hannibal was arrested, I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to stick with me just because of the baby, so I just… Didn't. He was about a year old when I found out you got married. Alana is his godmother, she helped me so much. She and Margot. He's just a little younger than their son, Morgan, they're best friends. Henry's very smart. He's a joyful child. He's kind, caring to others. He reminds me of you all the time. He's my biggest accomplishment."

Will's face was blushed from crying, but he smiled through the tears, cleaning his face with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Mommy!" Henry called from the top of the stairs, crayons on his hands. "Can I show Hannibal the drawing?"

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I grimaced, feeling Will's gaze on me. He wasn't supposed to find out that way, I didn't even have the time to tell him slowly so I could try to explain what made no sense. 

"Ahn… Sure, honey. Sure. If you want. Now go to your room for a bit, okay? Mommy will see you in a minute, and then you can show me the drawing." I waited until he entered the room, hearing the door shut. I turned myself to Will.

"Did I hear it right? Hannibal?" Will raised his voice a little and I gestured him to keep his voice down. "Hannibal has seen the kid? You're taking him to see Hannibal?" 

"I know how it sounds, just let me explain…" I asked, noticing the change in his eyes. They were once again cold, but sharp. He was angry. 

"How do you explain this? Y/n? Have you lost your mind?"

"Yes! Yes, I fucking have! I lost my mind when you left, goddamnit!" I screamed, covering my mouth, hoping Henry would not come out of his bedroom. "Hannibal was the last link I had with you. So I sought comfort with the only one who would understand what was like to lose you. Because no one fucking did. Even Alana couldn't help me. So yes, I turned to Hannibal. Because he knows what's like to love you, to ache for you. And you don't get to judge me for that."

Will's eyes were wide, like he couldn't believe what I was saying. 

"Besides…" I sniffed, rubbing my face with my hands "Hannibal cares for him. I know it. And Henry just adores him, Will, you should see…"

"My God, listen to what you're saying, Y/n! Listen to yourself!" He grabbed my face with his hands a little roughly, making me hold his wrists. "He's a killer. He's a cold killer. Can't you see how dangerous it is?"

"Well, we're all fucking killers!" I pushed him away, breathing hard. "Or have you forgotten about it? The night we killed Randall Tier? You really think that wouldn't stain me? Or maybe you do, and that's why you married another woman, with all her purity, because you couldn't bear to see how much you and Hannibal have broken me!" 

He kept staring at me with that look in his eyes, the cold, sharp look that made me shiver. For a moment, I felt the danger of him trying to take my kid away. Would he even consider that? No. No one would take my child away from me. He was mine. 

"This was a bad idea, I should've never allowed you to come inside. Please, leave." I asked, pointing to the door.

He stayed put.

"Will, you better leave. Now. I'm warning you." I stepped away from him, but he pulled me closer, hugging me tightly. I hid my face in his chest, sobbing, hitting him weakly on the shoulders with my fists. "Just go, please. Just go."

"We'll figure it out. Everything will be fine." He kissed me for the last time, letting me go. I knew he would be back. He stared at me once more, and finally left, closing the door behind me. 

"Mommy, why are you crying?" I heard Henry's voice and turned to look at him coming down the stairs, kneeling to hug him. "Please mommy, don't cry!"

"It's okay, baby. Mommy is fine. Everything will be okay. How about a nice bath before we go see Hannibal, uh? Let's go."

"With bubbles?" He asked, clapping in joy. I smiled back to him, caressing his hair.

"With bubbles. Lots of bubbles." I kissed the top of his head and rushed him to the bathroom, an uneasy feeling pumping on my chest. I knew that wouldn't be the last time I saw Will. He would be back. Yes, he would. 

[sweetyyhippyy]

Part of You. Spencer Reid x OC! Character. Chapter 3.

Chapter Three: One Good Thing About Idaho.

(Not my gif)

Summary: Taking it back to the infamous night in Idaho. The first time Spencer and Bridgett had sex. 

Pairings: Spencer Reid x OC! Plus size character, Bridgett Mendez. 

TW: Spencer being “creepy” and looking at women’s panties, Dom! Spencer, Switch! OC! Character, nipple play, oral sex (female and male receiving), penetrative unprotected sex, dirty talk, restraint, spanking, squirting, mentions of feeling insecurity of the female body, swearing. Do NOT read if you are not 18+ or are not comfortable reading smut!

Word Count: 6.3K

A.N.: Did I really do the hotel room troupe? Yup. Sure did. Because I’m a sucker for it. This is season 3 Spencer! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t understand how they don’t have enough rooms available. Who’s first thought when on vacation is, “oh, I wanna go to Idaho’?” Emily snickers, dropping down to the couch in the hotel lobby.

The whole team was exhausted from flying all morning from Virginia to the middle of nowhere Idaho. When they got there to the hotel, there was a mix up with the rooms they had booked where instead of all 7 of the team members having their own rooms, there were only 3 rooms. Hotch was talking to the manager to try and clear the mishap up.

“They do have potatoes. Never met a potato I haven’t liked.” Bridgett jokes.

Emily laughs, nodding her head in agreement.

“Actually, It’s not all boring, Ernest Hemmingway wrote a lot of his novels in Idaho. He wrote “From Whom the Bell Tolls” in 1939 at the Sun Valley Lodge. His typewriter is still on the desk in the room he wrote it in.” Spencer spewed out from the accent chair, his eyes never leaving the book he was reading.

Bridgett gives him a blank, eyes glazed over look.

“Have you ever thought about going on Jeopardy? You could become a billionaire.” She teases, making Spencer finally look up, his lips pouting out a little bit, eyebrows furrowing.

She smiles, puckering her lips at him to blow him a kiss, something she always did when she would tease him when he was being the equivalent of the bottom of a Snapple bottle fun fact.

“Alright, so apparently because we got here 5 hours after check in, they gave our other rooms away to other people who were here. All they can give us is 3 rooms. All of them have double beds. We’re going to have to share for the next few days.” JJ says, tossing the room keys onto the coffee table.

“You’re kidding. And how are we splitting the rooms? Where is that extra person sleeping if each room only has 2 beds. Hell are we getting any type of discount for them screwing our rooms up?” Derek asks, growing visibly annoyed. He wasn’t fun to be around when he was tired.

“Hotch and Rossi already said they’ll share a room, they weren’t happy about it but it's all we have. I’ll room with Emily. That leaves… you three.”

“Hey, hey, hey, why do I have to room with the boys? Why can’t I room with you?” Bridgett interjects, turning her attention to the girls.

“Well, uh… I don’t really like sleeping with other people and Emily snores.” JJ stumbles over her words, trying to think quickly. It’s not that she didn’t want to room with Bridgett, they each just wanted their own bed. Last agent hired got last pick, that was the rule.

“Bull. Shit. Fine, I’ll share with the boys but I’m getting my own bed, I’m not sleeping with either of you.”

Spencer and Derek look at each other, Derek laughing and shaking his head.

“Oh hell no. Definitely not. I’m not sharing a bed with, boy genius over there. I’d rather go sleep in the woods. They have extra chairs or couches in the rooms?”

“Yeah they have chairs like these ones up there. Why?” Emily asks. Derek nods his head, getting up from the chair.

“Alright. Well I’m rooming with Hotch and Rossi. Good night.”  He grabs a room key from the table, taking his bags in his other hand  and walking off to the elevator. The girls follow suit, grabbing the second key and hurrying off to the other set of elevators.

“Alright, looks like you and I are roommates for the next few days, Spence. Come on.”

Spencer grabs his bags, offering to take one of Bridgett’s for her. She happily obliges, following him up to their home for the next few days. Spencer was a gentleman and let Bridgett pick out which bed she wanted, take whatever drawers she needed for her clothes, and shower first. He agreed to order some food for the both of them while she was showering, but he got distracted with unpacking his clothes. The first drawer he opened up had all of Bridgett’s undergarments;  colorful, lacy bras and frilly underwear to match, that was practically see through. As quickly as Spencer wanted to close the drawer, he couldn’t. His mind was racing a million miles an hour, wondering what these skimpy clothes looked like under her regular clothes. Once he heard the shower shut off he shoved the drawer closed and tried to look natural so she didn’t notice he was being a creeper.  The room in Spencer’s pants got cramped now that all the dirty thoughts were swimming in his head.  As soon as Bridgett came out of the bathroom with little ass shorts, a tight fitting long sleeve, and wet hair, he couldn’t contain himself. He was done.

“Shower’s free now, Spence.” Bridgett says, grabbing her hairbrush and going through a small bag trying to find something.

It was almost as if a devil and Angel were on his shoulder, one telling him to go for it, the other saying how it might make things awkward between them, and how embarrassing it would be if she turned him down. But of course the devil spoke louder. Spencer tosses what’s in his hand onto his bed and walks over to Bridgett but freezes once he gets close to her, smelling a sweet fruity smell from her shampoo. She jumps slightly once she realizes he’s close behind her.

“You scared the crap out of me.” She giggles, lightly hitting Spencer’s arm with her brush, going back to brushing through the wet almost black hair.

“What are you doing?” Spencer’s mind goes blank, he forgets how to breathe and blink in that moment, his hands clammy. He tried to get the words out of his mouth, but looking at how innocent her face was, her face was puzzled but still angelic.

“Spence?” Bridgett asks again, her eyebrows furrowing.

Spencer clears his throat, shaking his head to wake himself up and come back down from the clouds he was in. He takes one more step closer to Bridgett, confidence overcoming him as he takes Bridgett’s chin in between his pointer finger and thumb, tilting her head up to stare into her dark eyes. She knew what was happening now, Bridgett’s heart starting to beat faster, her eyes fixated on Spencer’s.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to be this close to you, to make all the damn fantasies that have lived in my head for almost a whole year, a reality.” Spencer’s voice low and dark, his thumb swiping against Bridgett’s plump bottom lip.

She laughs nervously, her fingers playing with a button on Spencer’s shirt.

“And what fantasies are those, doctor?”

His heart and dick jumped at Bridgett calling him “doctor”, especially with the innocent look on her face, but her voice full of pure sin. Spencer licks his lips slowly, his hands moving from her chin, down her chest, his long fingers trailing ever so slowly across her clothed nipples, goosebumps covering her body.

“Do you want me to tell you? Or show you?”

“I think you want to show me what exactly your head is cooking up when you’re around me.” Her hand rests on his bicep, the other sliding up into his messy hair, playing with a curl coming from the back of his head.  

Bridgett stands on her tiptoes to bring him closer together, one of Spencer’s arms sliding down her back, and pulling her in close to his body, and finally kissing her.

His hand doesn’t stay there for long, Bridgett can feel it slipping down to her ass, rubbing around to find a spot he liked. Neither of them wanted to pull away from the kiss to come up for air, their lips felt so right together. Their lips moved in sync with each other, both of them feeling the hunger from the other. Obviously Spencer was handsome; tall, beautiful brown eyes, messy hair that she wanted to run her fingers through, hands that she couldn’t look away from and have the dirtiest thoughts about what they could do, and his lips… his lips.

It wasn’t long before Bridgett felt for the edge of her bed with her foot, motioning Spencer to come down with her to the bed. His lips leave her for a second, Spencer sitting on the bed instead and taking Bridgett’s hand in his, leading her to stand in between his legs. Spencer’s hands travel down her clothed hips, lifting the shirt up from the bottom. Bridgett takes the long sleeve up over her head and tosses it to Spencer’s bed, leaving her top half completely exposed. She can feel her nipples get hard at the air hitting them, Spencer’s eyes noticing right away.

“Can I?” Spencer asks, looking up at her. His eyes were dark, practically eye fucking her already.

Bridgett nods her head, her hand once again finding the back of his head and toying with his curls. Spencer’s lips kiss down her chest slowly, his hands taking her breast and massaging it. His thumb ghost over her hard nipple twice, smiling as she reacts to the touch. He parts his lips very minimally and blows softly on the neglected nipple, making that one hard again.

“You’re going to torture me aren’t you?”

Spencer’s mouth connects to Bridgett’s mound, his tongue tracing harsh circles around it. Bridgett gasps and moans, her head rolling back and her breath becoming shallow. It has been almost a year or so since the last time she had any type of sexual play, and even then it wasn’t even good. The feeling of Spencer’s warm fingers snaking their way into her shorts brought her back from cloud 9. Her head snaps up and looks at Spencer almost in shock that he was doing this. Once she feels him hit her now sopping wet pussy, she was beyond the point of being desperate. Spencer’s mouth leaves her breast, looking down at her itty bitty shorts, then back up at Bridgett, not expecting her to be bare under her shorts.

“You’re not wearing any underwear?”

“No, these shorts are more comfortable without any.”

“All the damn underwear you have in that drawer and you’re not wearing any? Naughty little thing you are.” Bridgett cocks her head to the side, a puzzled look on her face.

“You went through my underwear drawer?”

Spencer’s mouth opens to try to speak but he has nothing to say to save him. Bridgett laughs, giving his lips a quick peck.

“Is that why you were so worked up when I came out of the shower? Were you getting turned on looking at my underwear, thinking about what they look like when I have them on? Or what I would look  like if I was in your bed in just my bra and panties, begging you to take them off for me?” Bridgett lightly pushes Spencer down to the bed to make him lay down.

Before she climbs onto the bed, she pulls her shorts down, kicking them off, now fully naked in front Spencer.

She finally climbs onto the bed, straddling Spencer’s lap. He can feel her bare, hot, and wet pussy from underneath his clothing that was oddly still on, both of them knowing there was going to be a wet spot on his slacks.

“You’re fucking wet.” Spencer swore he just said it in his head but once he heard Bridgett laugh he knew he said it out loud.

“Touch me.” She says bluntly, taking his hands and laying them on her thighs.

Spencer rubs his hands up and down her silky soft thighs, squeezing them, enjoying the feeling of how warm her lower half was.

“And where do you want me to touch you, beautiful girl?”

“You’re smart Reid, where do you think I want you to touch me?”

Bridgett feels a sharp sting on her ass, Spencer sits up quickly, his large hand on the back of her neck, their foreheads pressed together. His jaw was clenched and eyes glued on hers. Her jaw was open, shocked that he just spanked her.

“Ah ah, not ‘Reid’. What did you call me before, that got you in my lap, naked and wet?”

“Doctor. You like when I call you that? What about baby, sir, daddy?” Bridgett kisses Spencer’s neck with each name she speaks.

He was slowly turning into mush under her. This, trying to be dominant side was the last thing he expected from her.

“Anything but my actual name, sweetheart. Are we done talking so I can touch that wet pussy? Make it wetter.” Spencer’s lips press against her neck, giving her a light bite, making her thighs press together.

She gasps at the sharp pinch, holding his head to keep him there.

“Yes please touch me. Touch me before I go crazy. I want your fingers, tongue, mouth, cock, on me, in me. All of it just please, daddy.”

It didn’t take anymore pushing for Spencer to flip their position, laying Bridgett onto the bed. He parts her legs, staring at the glistening slit he’s had wet dreams about. Bridgett stares as he brings his head closer to her pussy, finally diving in and licking slowly up and down, not yet making contact with her clit. Bridgett whines, her nails softly scratching at his shoulder blade.

“You’re a fucking tease.”  She whimpers out, trying to bring herself closer to his face.

Spencer smacks her thigh sharply. She makes eye contact with him and sees him shake his head, disapproving of her actions. She finally feels his tongue part her lips. His tongue getting to work quickly, circling it slowly to make her suffer. It wasn’t long before she feels Spencer’s fingers massaging her lips before two fingers slip into her entrance.

“Oh my fucking god, why are you so good at that.” She whines, her whole body shaking with pleasure.

Spencer’s free hand takes the place of his mouth to give him a small break, rubbing her clit and fingering her. Bridgett’s eyes shut, her hips moving to meet the in and out motions of Spencer’s fingers.  

“Tell me beautiful, have you thought about my fingers being inside you? Making you wetter than you’ve ever been before? Trying to make you cum?”

Bridgett nods her head, her chest rising and falling fast. Spencer’s fingers leave her entrance quickly, his hand wrapping around Bridgett’s neck. Her eyes fly open, watching Spencer come closer to her face. A grin appearing on her face with a laugh, loving the feeling of his long fingers wrapped around her throat, feeling the pressure from a few light squeezes.

“Use your words. Or I’m not going to let you cum.”

“You’ll still let me cum. You want to hear me moaning your name while I’m cumming, feeling my pussy drip onto your fingers.”

Spencer smirks down at her, releasing his hands from around her neck. Bridgett grabs his hand and puts it back around her neck, her hand still wrapped around his wrist.

“I didn’t want you to stop.”

Their lips meet again, Spencer’s tongue slipping in between her mouth to touch her tongue and play with it. She could taste herself on his lips and tongue, giving his bottom lip a bite. Spencer’s fingers are still rubbing her clit quickly, trying to draw orgasam nearer and nearer. She starts to moan into his mouth, losing her composure as she feels the high building up. Spencer pulls back from the kiss, his forehead resting on hers.

“Are you going to cum beautiful? Going to cum for me?”

“Yes daddy. I’m going to cum. Please don’t stop touching me.” Her voice was desperate, almost on the verge of tears.

Spencer goes back down in between her thighs, his lips sucking on the sensitive nerve ending.

“Spence, that feels so good. I’m going to cum baby. Make me fucking cum please.” Her whimpers turn into pornagrahic moans, making Spencer’s mouth and tongue work together to finally make Bridgett explode.

He can feel her walls contract harshly against his fingers, Spencer helping her through her orgasam, licking the cum that was escaping her and kissing her clit. Bridgett exhaled harshly, pushing her short hairs that were pasted to her face from sweat out of her way, trying to make sense of the last 30 seconds. She can feel Spencer leave the space between her legs with one last kiss to her pussy and lay next to her, smiling at her.

“So that’s been part of your fantasy huh? Making me cum and see fucking stars?”

“Not the only thing that’s part of my fantasy. Still a pretty big part of my fantasy that has yet to come true.”

Bridgett looks up at Spencer, his nose down to his chin glistening with a mix of sweat and Bridgett’s cum, making her giggle, she takes her hand and touches his lips and chin lightly.

“I think you and I have the same fantasy. We should see if we can make them come true. But first things first. All these clothes need to come off. I’m naked and you need to be naked too. Fair is fair.”

Spencer gets off the bed, ridding himself of his dress pants, unbuttoning his shirt, Bridgett gets onto her knees on the edge of the bed, helping Spencer take his shirt off his shoulders and dropping it to the floor.

“I know you have a tie in your go bag, I think we’re going to need it for the fantasy I have in my mind.”

Spencer gives her a small kiss on her lips before going over to his bag on his bed and taking out a dark gray tie, tossing it to her. She smiles, motioning for him to come back to her. He strides back over to her, touching her hips lightly.

“You don’t understand how beautiful you are, Bridge.”

She smiles, playing with the waistband of his boxers.

“You forgot a very important piece of clothing to take off there, doctor.”

Bridgett lays onto her stomach, pulling the dark blue and white decorated fabric down his legs, his cock getting some much needed air. Spencer takes the rest of her long dark hair out of her way, holding it into a makeshift ponytail uptop her head. Her tongue pokes out between her lips, licking along the thick shaft Spencer was sporting. Spencer hisses slightly, the grip he has in her hair tightening. After kissing the tip of Spencer’s cock a few times to drive him crazy, she takes him into her mouth, stopping halfway down his cock before drawing him back out. Spencer suppresses his groan, clearing his throat to choke it down.

“That’s a good girl. You think you can fit all of it in your mouth?”

Bridgett looks up at him and moans against his cock, pumping the bottom half of his cock to get it wet  before swallowing his cock and keeping it there for a few seconds before releasing it quickly to avoid choking on it.

“God damn you’re going to make me cum down your fucking throat.” His breath is ragged, eyes not leaving the attention that Bridgett was paying to his cock.

If you would have asked Spencer when Bridgett started with the team 304 days ago if he thought the brand new agent would be sucking him off, he would think you were crazy. He could hardly believe it himself, she was far out of his league but here they were,  minutes away from having the nastiest sex either of them have ever had. As much as Spencer wanted to shoot his load down her throat, he needed to bury his cock inside Bridgett. He let her head bob up and down a few more times before he pulled back from her, leaving her mouth open, a bit of saliva spilling out of her mouth.

“I didn’t get to make you cum.”

“Trust me beautiful, you’re going to make me cum.”  Spencer uses his thumb to clean her lower lip and chin.

Bridgett takes the tie that Spencer grabbed from his bag and hands it to Spencer.

“Tie me up, pretty boy.”

Bridgett sticks her butt into the air, putting her arms behind her back. Spencer could have came right were he stood, at the sight of her ass in the air, waiting for him to slide himself into her. He smacks both sides of her ass, earning two yelps from Bridgett, followed by a satisfying moan. He takes the tie and wraps it around both of her wrists just tight enough to where she couldn’t break free, but not hurt her.

“Are you ready, beautiful?” Spencer asks, toying with her still soaking wet middle.

Bridgett clenches her thighs together, moaning at his touch again. She turns her head around to watch as Spencer stands behind her, touching her ass with both hands.

“Yes, I’m ready.”

Spencer lines his cock up with her entrance sliding in slowly. Bridgett cries out loudly, biting the blanket under her face. Spencer stays buried inside her for a few seconds, feeling almost lightheaded at finally being inside of her. Bridgett starts to move her hips back and forth against Spencer, finally getting some relief that she needed. Spencer pulls at the tie, spanking her harshly again.

“You’re not taking control of this.” Spencer growls, slamming himself into her roughly.

Bridgett whines, repeating her “naughty” actions. He grabs hold of the makeshift handcuffs, pulling her up so her back is against his chest.

“You’re not listening to me. Are you being a bad girl?”

“Maybe I like being a bad girl. You ever think of that?” Bridgett retorts, a sly smirk on her face.

Spencer takes Bridgett by her jaw line, turning her face toward him, giving her face a light smack. She lets out a surprised gasp, another smile creeping on her face.

“Don’t talk back to me or you're going to be punished.”

“That doesn’t seem like a threat to me, daddy.”

Spencer’s hold on her face tightens, his face inches from hers.

“Do you want me to stop fucking you?”

��Like i said earlier, we both know that you’re not going to do that. You’re too needy to take your cock out of me and not go back in. When was the last time your dick got wet by someone else’s pussy?”

Spencer throws her back down onto the bed, rutting into her roughly.  Bridgett starts screaming into the blanket below her, her hands trying to push back against Spencer.

“I thought you could take it? I thought you were tough the way you talk shit back to me.”

“I wanted to get a rise out of you. I needed you to fuck me. You had me worked up.”

“Got what you wanted, didn’t you my pretty girl? Both of us are getting what we want. You’re used to that aren’t you?” Spencer grunts out. He pulls out quickly, taking the tie off her wrists and letting her flip over onto her back. Spencer didn’t miss a beat sliding back into Bridgett, watching her gasp when he slides his whole length in her.

“Good girl. Gimmie your legs.”

He takes her by her thighs and lifts her legs up, resting them on his shoulders. Once her legs are settled onto him he continues to thrust into her quickly. The room filled with their moans and cussing. Spencer takes his thumb and starts to massage Bridgett’s clit again, a wave of even more pleasure falling over her.

“So. Fucking good, daddy.”

“Your pussy is amazing, beautiful. The way you become weak when i touch you, how you feel around me when I’m fucking you.”

Bridgett could barely keep her eyes open with double the pleasure going on. Both of her hands gripping both of Spencer’s biceps.

“You don’t have a condom on, baby.” She mutters, barely squinting up at him finally realizing the lack of protection.

Spencer looks down at his cock slamming in and out of her, shiny with her wetness. It put him in a trance, completely forgetting that Bridgett just spoke to him.

“Daddy, daddy I’m going to cum again.” Her hand flies down to his, keeping his hand moving against her clit.

Spencer could feel her legs begin to shake against him. As he stared at her face he could see a tear fall down her cheek, being completely overwhelmed by the being touched and fucked at the same time.

“It’s okay baby, cum for me. Cum on my cock.” Spencer coaxes. “You’re such a good girl. Such a good girl for daddy.”

“Sp-Spence. Keep goi-go-going, please, baby.” Her voice was shaky, he swears she was seconds away from crying.

Her nails sink into his arm, gripping  his skin. Seconds later her head rolls back against the bed, her walls clenching unbelievably tight. Spencer has to pause, waiting for Bridgett to come down from her high. He wipes the still falling tears from her eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing to me?  I’ve never came that hard and cried.”

“Well your past sexual partners haven’t fucked you well enough. They couldn’t feel what your body needed.”

Spencer drops his head down to in between her neck, kissing and nibbling the skin. He grew closer to his end with each thrust.

“You’re so good, daddy.” She whispers in his ear, holding his head close to her, Spencer biting down on her skin, no question if it was going to leave a mark tomorrow morning.

“I can’t hold back anymore. I’m going to cum.”

Spencer kisses Bridgett’s lips softly, staring into her eyes. His body starts to grow more and more weak, his thrusts becoming sloppy and out of rhythm.

“Shit I can’t cum in you. I’m not wearing a condom.”

“I told you that a few - fuck- minutes ago. Just pull out, it's fine.”

There’s a brief moment of panic in Spencer’s eyes before he pulls out quickly, shooting all over her stomach. His eyes screwed shut, soft moans falling from his lips. Bridgett giggles, dragging her two fingers through the liquid on her stomach and licking it off, making eye contact with Spencer the entire time.

“Wait here.” Spencer says, kissing her before getting off the bed and walking off to the bathroom.

Bridgett’s eyes flutter closed for a few seconds before feeling the bed sink lower next to her. Spencer takes the wet wash rag and cleans off whatever is left of his mess off her stomach. She jumps slightly at the cold fabric against her overly hot and sweaty skin, humming as she feels her body start to relax.

“No going to bed yet. I’m going to shower and be back.”

She nods her head, sitting up in her bed to grab her clothes. She throws her shirt on but can’t find her shorts anywhere on the floor. An idea pops into her mind and goes into the drawer of her undergarments. She picks a black pair of cute cheeky panties, with a small bow on the waistband. Bridgett climbs into Spencer’s bed and waits under the sheets.

Once she hears the door open she smiles shyly at Spencer. He has a new pair of striped boxers on and walks slowly past the empty bed.

“You’re in my bed?” He questions.

Bridgett gets nervous, sitting up quickly, not knowing what to say at the moment. Maybe she was overstepping her boundaries, but with what they just did, they no longer had boundaries.

“Well… I just thought that-that uhh since that bed was kinda used and stuff… that I could sleep in yours, in your bed with you, if that was okay, and that maybe we could sleep together, not-not in the way we slept together in that bed, but go to actual bed and then we could cuddle, if you like to cuddle, beca-because I really like cuddling... and I’m talking a lot, sorry.”

Spencer stares back at her like she does him when he rambles on about some random fact he knows far too much about.

“I’m sorry, shit, I’m an ass, I’m sorry. I didn’t know if you wanted to and I didn’t want to bring it up because it would have been awkward. But we can definitely sleep together, in the other way, the other, other way is more than welcome again too. And I will gladly cuddle with you.” He says with a smile, sliding into bed on the other side of her, opening his arms and letting her snuggle up into his chest, his arms holding her close to him.

“I hope I wasn’t too rough with you. I spanked you a lot, slapped you in the face, choked you.”

Bridgett laughs, moving her head up to look at Spencer.

“A lot of people like all that stuff. It’s fun. Especially when the other person takes care of them after and holds them like you’re doing now, and kisses them. Tells them that they were a good girl for doing all those nasty things.”

Spencer raises his eyebrow at the last one, that one catching his attention.

“A good girl huh? You think you were a good girl over there?” He asks, motioning over to the other bed.

Bridgett nods her head. “I think so. I came twice, only talked back a few times, sucked you off pretty well, made you cum, and cleaned up some of the mess off myself. It was a big mess you made.”

“You’re right, you were a very good girl, princess.”

Spencer leans down to delicately kiss Bridgett. She smiles into the kiss and lays back on Spencer’s bare chest.

“Oh, and I put something pretty cute on for you under the sheets.”

Bridgett pulls the covers back to show Spencer her underwear peeking out under her shirt. Spencer’s hand travels over to the thin fabric and plays with the frills on the end of them.

“I was eyeing those earlier.”

“I’m sure you were, creeper.”  

Spencer spanks her ass one more time, giving her a long, deep kiss, his hands roaming her body again. He pulls her up, making Bridgett straddle him again.

“You think that I can make you cum again? Think that I can make you cum on my face?”

“3 in one night?”

“Third time’s a charm isn’t it? Come here, you can sit on my face.”

Bridgett hesitates, not letting Spencer pull her up close to her. She looks down at Spencer, not making eye contact with him.

“Uhh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Spence. I can just lay down like I did before.”

“Why? Do you not want to? It’s okay if you don’t want me to eat you out again.”

Bridgett sighs, resting her hands on his bare chest, still refusing to look at him. “It’s just not a good idea unless you like the idea of being suffocated and crushed by me.”

“What? What are you talking about, Bridge?”

She rolls her eyes, climbing off of his lap. She attempts to get off the bed but Spencer takes her hand.

“We’re not all done talking. What are you talking about ‘being crushed by you’?”

“Spence, have you seen me?”

“Yeah, I rather like looking at you actually. Are you talking about your weight? Are you self conscious about it and that’s why you don’t want to do it? You know that I don’t care, right? I know that it’s easier said than just believing it, but I think you’re beautiful regardless of your weight. I know I can’t just smooth talk my way into you not being self conscious of your body but you’re not going to hurt me. And if I can lighten the mood just a little bit, but being suffocated by your pussy sounds great.”

Bridgett snorts, shaking her head, trying not to show that his words made her feel a little warm and fuzzy.

“Well alright then. Lay back.”

She runs her fingers through his wet hair, pushing it back. His grin was equivalent to a kid getting a new bike for Christmas and seeing it under the tree. He lays flat on the mattress, licking his lips to get ready for his feast, so to speak. Bridgett puts her legs on both sides of Spencer’s head, not yet laying into him. He wraps both of his arms around her thighs, lowering her down gently onto his mouth.

She instantly whines as soon as she feels his tongue lick a long stripe across her slit. Out of habit, one finding his messy curls, the other gripping the headboard to keep her balance.

“Spence, oh my god. Your fucking tongue is the devil.”

She can feel him chuckle against her clit, his lips taking it and sucking on it softly.  If you asked anyone on the street if this human equivalent of a string bean, who knows everything under the sun, if they thought he could fuck better than anyone they’ve ever been with, they wouldn’t believe it.  Bridgett certainly wouldn’t have believed anyone that could attest to that statement. But this was the best sex that’s she had in her sexual history, nobody else has ever made her cum more than once, let alone fucking cry during orgasm.

Spencer’s tongue begins to quickly flick against her, making her thighs clench together quickly, almost locking in place before remembering not to crush Spencer’s head like a watermelon. Her moans become shallow, almost hysterical.

“You’re going to make me cum again. You’re going to make me cum again. You’re going to make me cu-cummmm.” She couldn’t help sounding like a broken record, repeating herself over and over again, barely making sense.

She starts to play with her nipples, making them hard by rolling the sensitive nubs around with her fingers, squeezing them as she feels her walls beginning to clench. The hold that he has of her thighs tighten, holding her in place, not having any way of moving until Spencer was done with her. Bridgett’s body freezes up, heat washing over her entire being, everything going silent, her eyes hazy with more tears escaping her lids. She can still feel Spencer lapping up whatever was coming out of her, enjoying watching Bridgett having borderline convulsions above him.

“If you don’t let me lay down I swear I’m going to pass out.”  She whispers, not being strong enough to speak louder than that.

Spencer helps her move her legs carefully, knowing they felt like jelly. She lays on the bed, absolutely no energy left in her body. Spencer envelops her body, picking her up and bringing her back to their position before they went onto round 1 ½.

“I’m all done. No more.” She grunts, pressing her forehead against Spencer’s chest.

He chuckles, pressing a long kiss to her forehead, her fingers massaging her scalp.

“You do know what you just did right?”

She opens her eyes, tilting her head up just enough to questionably look at Spencer, his face was glistening again but more shiny, a stupid grin plastered on his face.

“Oh god what?”

“You kinda, squirted on me.”

She feels her cheeks turn hot, hiding her face back into his chest, laughing nervously. Another first that Spencer just made her experience just tonight.

“I’m sorry. I basically almost drowned you.”

“Trust me, it was the single hottest thing I’ve experienced. You need to get some sleep if you’re going to function tomorrow morning.”

She whines again, shaking her head.

“I don’t even want to think about how sore my legs and vagina are going to be when I wake up. I’m barely going to live.”

“Well depending on how sore you are tomorrow, maybe a massage is in your future. All the sore spots on your body. I’ve been told I have magic hands and fingers.”

“Yeah well we’ll put them to work if I can survive a day of working a case. Can I ask you something?”

“Technically you ju-“

“Technically you just did…” Bridgett mocks his voice, flipping over to her belly. “Don’t think I won’t fight you pretty boy.”

“Okay, okay, your question.” Spencer smirks down at her.  

“We’ve known each other for a few months, right? Have you been wanting to do that since we met?”

“Well not right away. I mean, I’ve always thought you were super pretty the first time I saw you, because you are. But once I started being around you more, saw your personality come out. And not to mention you’re always touching me, or making cute flirty eyes at me, and your smile.” Spencer clears his throat, getting carried away with his reason. “But I didn’t feel sexual tension up until 3 months ago. The Halloween party that Garcia had, and you dressed up as that sexy rockstar.”

Bridgett smiles, very fond of the outfit he was talking about. “You know, I would have definitely given you the rockstar treatment that night too. If I’m being honest, I’ve wanted something like this to happen for about the same amount of time.”

They smile at each other warmly, Spencer stroking her cheek. “Where do we go from here?” He asks.

“I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. At least not now.”

“Okay… yeah that’s fine.” Part of Spencer wanted to at least take her on a date, but maybe it would ruin their friendship, and Spencer didn’t want that.

“We should get some rest. We might have an early morning wake up call.” Bridgett says, stretching her neck up to give Spencer 2 kisses.

“Yeah, good night.” He says, pulling her close and massaging her scalp until he could hear rhythmic breathing coming from Bridget.  

[andsmile]

Honestly I'm starting to lose hope to ever get Varchie back. First KJ saying he and Lili have a lot scenes together, then writers changing Betty's personality so she can become Archie's doormat and now this Betty's interview about ba having a emotional scene... Seriously their fans are so sure ba is not only happening post time jump but for the whole season and I- I don't know, I swear I'm not a troll but I'm really starting to lose hope. I don't even want to think about it because I'm a huge Varchie fan and like I could survive a few episodes of those two cheaters dating, but the whole season? Pls, tell me ba fans are just being cocky and there's still a hope for us?

By the way I love your tumblr. Your replies are always so mature and make so much sense. Your positivity is what's making me still having hope for Varchie get back eventually.

OOOOOKAY nonnie, and other 39 anons I’ve got ever since Lili mentioned the word “emotional” somewhere.

Listen to me. I’m old (lol) and shouldn’t even be in the Riverdale fandom but I am and here we are, this show is entertaining, I love writing fics for it and I love Varchie, Veronica, Archie, Bughead, and all the characters. I just don’t love B*rchie, as you guys know, and the writers. But anyway, this love and dedication for my hobby -- before I get anyone else saying I should get a life (I’ve got a troll recently saying that) -- has brought me many great friends, some of which work in the industry or are close to people who do. I don’t say the stuff I say just because I’m big brained, it’s a combination of analyzing spoilers, behind-the-scenes, the actors interviews, reviewers analysis, and hints from people who definitely know more than I do.

Do I know everything? No. Can I be wrong and fall flat face and y’all will hate me? Unlikely, but it can happen.

However, listen to me when I say: Varchie and Bughead are not threatened by Betty and Archie dating in seven years from now. 

Of course, it’s bumming that they have to go there, that the cheating plot happened (even though RAS clearly rewrote stuff to downplay it) and that they’ll be explored, but explored is the key word here. I’ve been telling you guys since May that Betty and Archie are gonna date after the time-jump. I’ve been telling you guys that I just didn’t know if they’d start together already or if they’d start because they see their main romantic interests with other people. Lili’s interview basically confirms the latter.

Do I know if Archie and Betty have feelings for each other that were lingering for seven or however many years etc etc? No, I don’t know. But think logically, it was bound to happen. They’re all going to be apart. Betty and Archie were best friends their entire life (as KJ said in his interview, where he called her his best friend 3 times and never mentioned ‘love’ unless talking about Veronica) and it’s probably easier for them to reconnect. Lili alluded to Betty going through some changes, too. Nostalgia is B*rchies biggest theme so far, so why would it be different? They’re all coming back. Jughead has a girlfriend, even if not for long. Veronica has a husband. It’s the next logical step, to have them date.

I know the big B*rchie accounts out there will try to make it look like BA are having this epic slow burn build up that will come to a head around episode 10/11 (filmed in February) where Archie will give her flowers and declare his undying love or something, but please. The casting call was proved fake but even if it wasn’t, this isn’t going to happen. You guys -- us Varchies especially -- need to stop catering to the B*rchies narrative so easily just because they’re loud. KJ and Lili most likely have already filmed their romantic arc, are probably in the way of finishing this arc right now (hence the ‘emotional’ scene), he’s been steadily filming with Cami, Chris and other people involved in that arc, even if in group scenes, and their schedules (and Lili and Cole’s too) are bound to change from now on to be more focused around each other.

Trust me when I say this isn’t permanent. Bughead and Varchie are not going anywhere and the only people who believe that are just catering to this narrative that the BAs plant in our minds through their excessively annoying tweeting of headcanons and well-crafted edits.

Also, and just because I don’t want to answer anyone else, people need to STOP blaming this arc on Lili or KJ or Cole. Cole and Lili breaking up hasn’t affected the storyline, they are professionals and will film together again. Lili and KJ are talking about B*rchie now because that’s the storyline for early in the timejump and it’s their job to promote half of the ship they’re in. I know before hand Lili hasn’t enjoyed the idea of B*rchie but she has no power over the narrative, and if she does now, what if she changed her mind? She’s not gonna change what the writers have in store; if she did, Betty would have never stripped in front of a group of grown man, I’m sure.

KJ doesn’t ship B*rchie or Varchie, Lili doesn’t ship Bughead or B*rchie, they’re professional actors getting paid to tell this story. They enjoy working together because they’re friends just as KJ and Cami, KJ and Cole, Cami and Cole, etc. And as for Sprousehart breaking up affecting the storyline: this isn’t One Tree Hill.

So, I hope this help keep your chin up. It won’t be easy to see BA dating, but you have to trust Archie and Veronica’s and Betty and Jughead’s journey, that has been built for four seasons already, and it’s clearly not over. You guys need to keep your focus on them. And if BA dating affects you a lot, just jump season 5A and you’ll be most likely good.

And please don’t share this on Twitter, I get enough trolls and hate as it is!

[marlborodean]

spn quotes: season two

i’m collecting a bunch of quotes from the show! my favorite lines, good points of characterization, etc. all organized by episode and character, and with timestamps!

w/ncest shippers get lost

season one.

1. IN MY TIME OF DYING

Dean—

I’ve done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I’ve given everything I’ve ever had. Now you’re just gonna sit there and you’re gonna watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you? (11:14)

So you’re okay with dying? [Tessa: No, of course not. I just think, whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen. It’s out of my control. It’s just...fate.] Hm. That’s crap. You always have a choice. You can either roll over and die, or you can keep fighting no matter what. (18:48)

There’s no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is gonna rot in the ground, and my family is gonna die. (30:38)

[John: You know, when, uh...when you were a kid, I’d come home from a hunt, and after what I’d seen, I’d be...I’d be wrecked. And you...you’d come up to me, and you’d put your hand on my shoulder, and you’d look me in the eye, and you’d...you’d say, “It’s okay, Dad.” Dean, I’m sorry.] Why? [You shouldn’t have had to say that to me, I should’ve been saying that to you. You know, I put...I put too much on your shoulders. I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that. And you didn’t complain, not once.] (37:27)

Sam—

How is revenge gonna help him? You're not thinking about anybody but yourself. It's the same selfish obsession! (13:17)

I don't know how to help you. But I'll keep trying, alright? As long as you keep fighting. I mean, come on, you can't...you can't leave me here alone with Dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. Dean, you gotta hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again. (28:36)

Misc—

Tessa: You'll stay here for years—disembodied, scared. And over the decades, it'll probably drive you mad. Maybe you'll even get violent. [Dean: What are you saying?] Dean, how do you think angry spirits are born? They can't let go, and they can't move on. And you're about to become one: the same thing you hunt. (31:15)

Azazel: If only your boys knew how much their daddy loved them. (32:15)

2. EVERYBODY LOVES A CLOWN

Dean—

[Ellen: I’m so sorry.] It’s okay. We’re alright. [Really. I know how close you and your dad—] Really, lady, I’m fine. (11:37)

[Sam: You ever notice Dad had a falling-out with just about everybody? Don’t get all maudlin on me, man.] What do you mean? [I mean this strong, silent thing of yours. It’s crap, I’m over it.] Oh my God. [This isn’t just anyone we’re talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.] You know what? Back off, alright? Just because I’m not caring and sharing like you want me to— [No no no, that’s not what this is about, Dean. I don’t care how you deal with this, but you have to deal with it, man! Listen, I’m your brother, alright? I just wanna make sure you’re okay.] Dude, I’m okay! I’m okay, okay? I swear, the next person who asks me if I’m okay, I’m gonna start throwing punches. These are your issues. Quit dumping them on me. [What are you talking about?] I just think it’s really interesting, this sudden obedience you have to Dad. It’s like, “Oh, what would Dad want me to do?” Sam, you spent your entire life slugging it out with that man. I mean, hell, you—you picked a fight with him the last time you ever saw him, and now that he’s dead, now you want to make it right? Well, I’m sorry, Sam, but you can’t. It’s too little, too late. [Why are you saying this to me?] Because I want you to be honest with yourself about this! I’m dealing with Dad’s death! Are you? (29:48)

Sam—

[Dean: This case was your idea. By the way, why is that? You were awfully quick to jump on this job.] So? [It's just not like you, that's all. I thought you were hell-bent for leather on the demon hunt.] I don't know, I just think taking this job, it's what Dad would have wanted us to do. (16:57)

[Mr. Cooper: You see, this place is a refuge for outcasts, always has been, for folks that don't fit in nowhere else. But you two...you should go to school, find a couple of girls, have 2.5 kids. Live regular.] Sir, we don't want to go school, and we don't want regular. We want this. (22:34)

[Dean: I thought that once the demon was dead and the fat lady sings that you were gonna take off, head back to wussy state.] I'm having second thoughts. [Really?] Yeah. I think Dad would have wanted me to stick with the job. [Since when do you give a damn what Dad wanted? You spent half your life doing what he didn't want, Sam.] Since he died, okay? You have a problem with that? (23:27)

I'm sorry that the last time I was with him, I tried to pick a fight. I'm sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know, he died thinking that I hate him. So you're right. What I'm doing right now, it is too little. It's too late. I miss him, man. And I feel guilty as hell. And I'm not all right, not at all. But neither are you. That much I know. (39:04)

3. BLOODLUST

Dean—

So I picked up this crossbow, and I hit that ugly sucker—silver-tipped arrow, right in his heart. Sammy’s waiting in the car, and me and my dad take the thing into the woods, burn it to a crisp. I’m sitting there, and I’m looking into the fire, I’m thinking to myself, “I’m 16 years old. Kids my age are worried about pimples, prom dates. I’m seeing things that they’ll never even know, never even dream of.” So right then, I just sort of.... [Gordon: Embraced the life?] Yeah. (16:16)

You’re always saying to yourself, “He’s indestructible. He’ll always be around. Nothing can kill my dad.” And just like that, he’s gone. I can’t talk about this to Sammy. No, I got to keep my game face on. But, uh...truth is, I’m not handling it very well. I feel like I have this— [Gordon: Hole inside you? And it just gets bigger and bigger and darker and darker? Good. You can use it. Keeps you hungry. Trust me, there’s plenty out there needs killing, and this will help you do it. Dean, it’s not a crime to need your job.] (18:32)

[Gordon: It’s all black-and-white. There’s no maybe. You find the bad thing, kill it. See, most people spend their lives in shades of gray. Is this right? Is that wrong? Not us.] Not sure Sammy would agree with you, but, uh. [Doesn’t seem like your brother’s much like us. I’m not saying he’s wrong, just different. You and me, we were born to do this. It’s in our blood.] (20:22)

[Sam: You know what? You slap on this big smile, but I can see right through it, ‘cause I know how you feel, Dean. Dad’s dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can’t take it. But you can’t just fill up that hole with whoever you want to.] (27:47)

[Gordon: You’re not like your brother. You’re a killer, like me.] (37:08)

I wish we never took this job. It just jacked everything up. [Sam: What do you mean?] Think about all the hunts we went on, Sammy, our whole lives. [Okay.] What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing. You know? I mean, the way Dad raised us. [Dean, after what happened to Mom...Dad did the best he could.] I know he did. But maybe he wasn’t perfect. And the way he raised us, to hate those things—and man, I hate them. I do. When I killed that vampire at the mill, I didn’t even think about it. Hell, I even enjoyed it. [You didn’t kill Lenore.] No, but every instinct told me to. I was gonna kill her. I was gonna kill them all. (40:20)

Sam—

[Gordon: Well, lighten up a little, Sammy!] He's the only one that gets to call me that. (15:05)

4. CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS

Dean—

Going to visit Mom’s grave? She doesn’t even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire. [Sam: She has a headstone.] Yeah, put up by our uncle, a man that we’ve never even met. So you wanna go pay resects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on. [Dean, that’s not the point.] Well, them enlighten me, Sam. [It’s not about a body or a casket. It’s about her memory, okay? And after Dad, it just—it just feels like the right thing to do.] It’s irrational, is what it is. [Look, man, no one asked you to come.] Why don’t we swing by the roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven’t heard anything on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son-of-a-bitch down. [That’s a good idea! You should! Just drop me off, I’ll hitch a ride, and I’ll meet you there tomorrow.] Right. Stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you show up. No thanks. (02:48)

[Sam: Look, maybe you’re imagining a hunt where there isn’t one, so you don’t have to think about Mom, or Dad. You wanna take another swing? Go ahead, if it’ll make you feel better.] I don’t need this crap. [Dean, where are you going?] I’m gonna go get a drink. Alone. (09:59)

Look, I get it. Okay? There are people that I would give anything to see again, but what gives you the right? [Sam: Dean.] [Dr. Mason: What are you talking about?] What’s dead should stay dead! (20:51)

[Sam: Dean, I don’t scare easy, but, man, you’re scaring the crap out of me.] Don’t be overdramatic, Sam. [You’re lucky this turned out to be a real case, ‘cause if it wasn’t, you would’ve just found something else to kill. You’re on edge, you’re erratic, except for when you’re hunting, ‘cause then you’re downright scary. You’re tailspinning, man! And you refuse to talk about it, and you won’t let me help you.] I can take care of myself, thanks. [No, you can’t! And you know what? You’re the only one who thinks you should have to. You don’t have to handle this on your own, Dean. No one can.] (21:44)

I’m sorry. [Sam: For what?] The way I’ve been acting. And for Dad. Well, he was your dad, too. It’s my fault that he’s gone. [What are you talking about?] I know you’ve been thinking it. So have I. Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I had a full recovery. It was a miracle. And five minutes later, Dad’s dead and the Colt’s gone. [Dean....] You can’t tell me there’s not a connection there. I don’t know how the demon was involved, I don’t know how the whole thing went down exactly, but Dad’s dead because of me, and that much I do know. [We don’t know that, not for sure.] Sam, you and Dad, you’re the most important people in my life. And now...I never should’ve come back, Sam, it wasn’t natural, and now look what’s come of it. I was dead, and I should’ve stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. So tell me, what could you possibly say to make that alright? (38:56)

Sam—

[Dean: Going to visit Mom's grave? She doesn't even have a grave. There was no body left after the fire.] She has a headstone. [Yeah, put up by our uncle, a man that we've never even met. So you wanna go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on.] Dean, that's not the point. [Well, then, enlighten me, Sam.] It's not about a body or a casket. It's about her memory, okay? And after Dad, it just—it just feels like the right thing to do. (02:48)

You're tailspinning, man. And you refuse to talk about it, and you won't let me help you. [Dean: I can take care of myself, thanks.] No, you can't! And you know what? You're the only one who thinks you should have to. You don't have to handle this on your own, Dean. No one can. [Sam, if you bring up Dad's death one more time, I swear—] Please, Dean, it's killing you. Please. We've already lost Dad. We lost Mom. I've lost Jessica. And now I'm gonna lose you, too? (21:44)

5. SIMON SAID

Dean—

You know, one day I’d love to just sit down and eat something that I didn’t have to microwave at a minimart. (18:03)

[Sam: You know, I heard you before, Dean, when Andy made you tell the truth. You’re just as scared of this as I am.] That was mind control! It’s like—it’s like being roofied, man. That doesn’t count. [What?] No, I—I’m calling do-over. [What are you, 7?] Doesn’t matter. Look, we just gotta keep doing what we’re doing, find that evil son of a bitch and kill it. (36:06)

Sam—

[Dean: There's gonna be hunters there. I don't know if—if going in and announcing that you're some supernatural freak with a demonic connection is the best thing, okay?] So I'm a freak now? [You've always been a freak.] (04:14)

Demon came to them when they were kids. Now they're killing people. [Dean: We don't know what Andrew Gallagher is, okay? Could be innocent.] My visions haven't been wrong yet! [What's your point?] My point is, I'm one of them. [No, you're not.] Dean, the demon said he had plans for me and children like me. [Yeah?] Yeah, maybe this is his plan. Maybe we're all a bunch of psychic freaks. Maybe we're all supposed to be— [Killers?] Yeah. [So the demon wants you out there, killing with your minds, is that it? Oh, give me a break. You're not a murderer, Sam! You don't have it in your bones!] No? Last I checked, I kill all kinds of things. [Those things were asking for it. There's a difference.] (10:47)

Looks like I was right. [Dean: About what?] Andy. He's a killer after all. [No, he's a hero. He saved his girlfriend's life. He saved my life.] Bottom line, last night he wasted somebody. [Yeah, but he's not a foaming-at-the-mouth psycho. He was just—he was pushed into that.] Webber was pushed, too, in his own way. Max Miller was pushed. Hell, I was pushed by Jessica's death. [What's your point, Sam?] Right circumstances, everyone is capable of murder. Everyone. (35:28)

6. NO EXIT

Dean—

[Jo: You know, I’ve had it up to here with your crap.] Excuse me? [Your chauvinist crap. You think women can’t do the job.] Sweetheart, this ain’t gender studies. Women can do the job fine. Amateurs can’t. You got no experience! What you do have is a bunch of half-baked romantic notions that some barfly has put in your head. [And now you sound like my mother.] Oh, and that’s a bad thing? (09:56)

Jo, you got options. No on in their right mind chooses this life. My dad started me in this when I was so young. I wish I could do something else. [Jo: You love the job.] Yeah, but I’m a little twisted. [You don’t think I’m a little twisted, too?] Jo, you got a mother that worries about you, who wants something more for you. Those are good things. You don’t throw things like that away. They might be hard to find later. (10:24)

[Jo: What do you remember about your dad? I mean, what’s the first thing that pops into your head? Come on, tell me.] I was 6 or 7, and uh...he took me shooting for the first time. Bottles on a fence—that kind of things. I bull’s-eyed every one of them. And he would smile, like...I don’t know. [He must have been proud.] (16:13)

Sam—

Is this job as glamorous as you thought it would be? [Jo: Well, except for all the pee-your-pants terror, yeah. But that Theresa girl’s gonna live a life ‘cause of us. It’s worth it, isn’t it?] Yeah. Yeah, it is. (36:00)

Misc—

Ellen: I am your mother! I don't have to be reasonable! (03:06)

7. THE USUAL SUSPECTS

Dean—

My name is Dean Winchester. I’m an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. (21:59)

[Sam: Nice lady.] Yeah, for a cop. (41:19)

Sam—

[Diana: Then about a year ago, there was a fire in your apartment. One fatality—Jessica Moore, your girlfriend. After she died, you fell off the grid—left behind everything.] I needed some time off...to deal. So I’m taking a road trip with my brother. (03:49)

[Dean: What do you think, Scully?] I’m not Scully, you’re Scully. [No, I’m Mulder. You’re a red-headed woman.] (06:35)

8. CROSSROAD BLUES

Dean—

[Sam: We got to find out if anyone else struck any bargains around here.] Great. So we got to clean up these people’s mess for them? I mean, they’re not exactly squeaky clean. Nobody put a gun to their head and forced them to play “Let’s Make a Deal.” [So what, we should just leave them to die?] Somebody goes over Niagara in a barrel, you gonna jump in to try to save them? [Dean.] Alright. Fine. (14:44)

[Demon: You’d sacrifice your life for someone else’s. Like father, like son. (29:01) 

[Demon: I’m not gonna put you out of your misery.] Yeah? Why not? [’Cause your misery is the whole point. It’s too much to watch. Knowing how your daddy died for you, how he sold his soul—I mean, that’s got to hurt. He’s all you ever think about. You wake up and your first thought is, “I can’t do this anymore.” You’re all lit up with pain. I mean, you loved him so much. And it’s all your fault. You blew it, Dean! I could’ve given you what you need.] What do I need? [Your father.] (30:36)

How could he do it? [Sam: He did it for you.] Exactly. How am I supposed to live with that? (38:14)

Sam—

How many people do you think Dad saved total? [Dean: That's not the point, Sam.] Evan Hudson is safe because of what Dad taught us. That's his legacy, Dean. Now we're still here, man, so we got to keep going. For him. (38:48)

Misc—

George: Listen, I get that you boys want to help, but sometimes a person makes their bed and they just got to lie down in it. (17:38)

9. CROATOAN

Dean—

Hey, look, man, I’m not happy about this, okay? But it's a tough job, and you know that. [Sam: It's supposed to be tough, Dean. We're supposed to struggle with this. That's the whole point.] What does that buy us? [A clear conscience, for one.] Well, it's too late for that. [What the hell has happened to you?] What? [You might kill an innocent man, and you don't even care. You don't act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what, you're acting like one of those things out there.] (25:40)

[Sam: Go with them. This is your only chance.] Ah, you're not gonna get rid of me that easy. (31:17)

[Sam: Dean, I'm sick. It's over for me. It doesn't have to be for you.] No—[No, you can keep going.] Who says I want to? [What?] I'm tired, Sam. I'm tired of this job, this life, this weight on my shoulders, man, I'm tired of it. [So what, so you're just gonna give up? I mean, you're just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know this stuff with Dad had—] You're wrong. It's not about Dad. I mean, part of it is, sure— [Then what is it about?] (32:54)

I just think we should take a break from all this. Why do we got to get stuck with all the responsibility, you know? Why can't we live life a little bit? [Why are you saying all this? No no no no no, Dean. You're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit.] I can't. I promised. [Who?] Dad. (39:23)

Sam—

[Dean: Hey, look, man, I'm not happy about this, okay? But it's a tough job, and you know that.] It's supposed to be tough, Dean. We're supposed to struggle with this. That's the whole point. [What does that buy us?] A clear conscience, for one. (25:40)

You're my brother, alright? So whatever weight you're carrying, let me help a little bit. (39:38)

10. HUNTED

Dean—

He said that he...wanted me to watch out for you. Take care of you. [Sam: He told you that a million times.] Well, this time was different. He said that I had to...save you. [Save me from what?] He just said that I had to save you, and nothing else mattered and that if I couldn't, I'd.... [You'd what, Dean?] I'd have to kill you. He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy. (04:10)

[Sam: How could you not have told me this?] Because it was Dad and he begged me not to. [Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself Dean! You had no right to keep this from me!] You think I wanted this? Huh? I wish to God he'd never opened his mouth. Then I wouldn't have to walk around with this screaming in my head all day! (05:05)

And you're pissed at me, and I get it. That's fine, I deserve it. But we lay low until we figure out our next move, okay? [Sam: Forget it.] Sam, please, man. Hey, please. Just give me some time. Give me some time to think, okay? I'm begging you here. Please, please. (06:12)

Come on, Ellen, please. Something bad could be going on here, and I swore I'd look after that kid. [Ellen: They say you can't protect your loved ones forever. Well, I say screw that. What else is family for?] (17:27)

Come on, man. I know Sam, okay? Better than anyone. He's got more of a conscience than I do. I mean, the guy feels guilty surfing the internet for porn. [Gordon: Maybe you're right, but one day, he's gonna be a monster.] How? Huh? How's a guy like Sam become a monster? [Beats me, but he will.] No, you don't know that! [I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this.] (29:15)

[Gordon: Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would've wrecked him, but your dad, if it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. So you're telling me, you're not the man he is?] (30:24)

Screw the job. Screw it, man. I'm sick of the job anyway. I mean, we don't get paid, we don't get thanked. The only thing we get's bad luck. [Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you're meant to do.] Oh, I wasn't meant to do anything. I don't believe in that destiny crap. (39:00)

[Sam: You can't run from this, and you can't protect me.] I can try. (39:27)

Sam—

[Dean: He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.] Kill me? What the hell is that supposed to mean? [I don't know.] I mean, he must've had some kind of reason for saying it, right? I mean, did he know the demon's plans for me? Am I supposed to go dark side or something? What else did he say, Dean? [That's it, I swear.] How could you not have told me this? [Because it was Dad and he begged me not to.] Who cares? Take some responsibility for yourself Dean! You had no right to keep this from me! (04:46)

[Ellen: I wish I could blame the hell out of you boys. It'd be easier. Truth is, it's not your fault. Sam, none of it is.] (10:27)

[Gordon: You wouldn't shoot me, would you, Sammy? 'Cause your brother, he thinks you're some kind of saint.] Yeah, well, I wouldn't be so sure. (33:46)

[Gordon: You're no better than the filthy things you hunt.] *They tussle, Sam points a gun at him.* [Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.] It's Sam. (34:22)

I'm not gonna just ditch the job. (39:00)

[Dean: Oh, I wasn't meant to do anything. I don't believe in that destiny crap.] You mean you don't believe in my destiny. [Whatever.] Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this, and you can't protect me. [I can try.] Thanks for that. Look, Dean, I'm gonna keep hunting. I mean, whatever's coming, I'm taking it head on, so if you really want to watch my back, then I guess you're gonna have to stick around. (39:13)

11. PLAYTHINGS

Dean—

[Sam: We gotta save as many people as we can.] Wow. That attitude is just way too healthy for me. I'm officially uncomfortable now, thank you. (05:16)

[Sam: I need you to watch out for me.] Yeah, I always do. [No no no no, you have to watch out for me, all right? And if I ever turn into something that I'm not...you have to kill me.] Sam.... [Dean, Dad told you to do it. You have to.] Yeah, well, Dad's an ass. He never should've said anything. I mean, you don't do that, you don't—you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids. [No, he was right to say it. Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies.] Yeah, well, I'm not dying. Okay? And neither are you. Come on, sit down. [No. Please. Dean, you're the only one who can do it. Promise.] Don't ask that of me. (16:18)

[Sherwin: Well, would you be [happy], leaving the only home you ever knew?] I don't know. I never really knew one. (19:06)

Sam—

I told Ellen we'd think about checking it out. [Dean: You did?] Yeah. You seem surprised. [Yeah, it's just, you know. Not the patented Sam Winchester way, is it?] What way is that? [Just figured after Ava, there'd be, uh, you know, more angst and droopy music and staring out the rainy windows. I'll shut up now.] (04:27)

So I'm not giving up on her, but I'm not gonna let other people die, either. We gotta save as many people as we can. (05:09)

That guy who hung himself...I couldn't save him. [Dean: What are you talking about? You didn't know. You couldn't have done anything.] That's an excuse, Dean. I should have found a way to save him. I should have saved Ava, too. [Yeah, well, you can't save everyone. Even you said that.] No, Dean, you don't understand, alright? The more people I save, the more I can change. [Change what?] My destiny, Dean. (15:46)

I need you to watch out for me. [Dean: Yeah, I always do.] No no no no, you have to watch out for me, alright? And if I ever turn into something that I'm not...you have to kill me. [Dean: Sam....] Dean, Dad told you to do it. You have to. [Yeah, well, Dad's an ass. He never should've said anything. I mean, you don't do that, you don't—you don't lay that kind of crap on your kids.] No, he was right to say it. Who knows what I might become? Even now, everyone around me dies. [Yeah, well, I'm not dying. Okay? And neither are you. Come on, sit down.] No. Please. Dean, you're the only one who can do it. Promise. [Don't ask that of me.] Dean, please. You have to promise me. [I promise.] Thanks. Thank you. (16:18)

12. NIGHTSHIFTER

Dean—

Freaking cops. [Sam: They were just doing their job.] No, they’re doing our job, only they don’t know it, so they suck at it. (03:36)

[Henriksen: I know about your dad.] You don't know crap about my dad. [Ex-Marine, raised his kids on the road, cheap motels, backwood cabins. Real paramilitary survivalist type. I just can't get a handle on what type of wacko he was— white supremist, Timmy McVeigh, tomato, tomahto.] You got no right talking about my dad like that. He was a hero. [Yeah, right. Sure sounds like it.] (31:18)

Sam—

[Dean: When you told that poor son of a bitch to—what did you say?—”remand” the tapes that he copied? “Classified evidence of an ongoing investigation”? That’s messed up.] What, are you pissed at me? [No, I just think it’s a little creepy how good of a Fed you are.] (08:51)

Better to stay in the dark and stay alive. (08:51)

13. HOUSES OF THE HOLY

Dean—

Odd, yes. Supernatural, maybe. But angels? I don't think so. [Sam: Why not?] 'Cause there's no such thing, Sam. [Dean, there's ten times as much lore about angels as there is about anything else we've ever hunted.] Hey, you know what, there's a ton of lore on unicorns, too. In fact, I hear that they ride on silver moonbeams and they shoot rainbows outta their ass. [Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?] That's cute. I'm just saying, man, there's some legends that you just file under “bullcrap.” [And you got angels on the ”bullcrap” list.] Yep. [Why?] 'Cause I've never seen one. [So what?] So I believe in what I can see. [Dean, you and I have seen things most people couldn't even dream about.] Exactly. With our own eyes—that's hard proof, okay? But in all this time, I have never seen anything that looks like an angel. And don't you think that if they existed that we would've crossed paths with them, or at least know someone that crossed paths with them? (06:17)

You know what? I get it. You've got faith. That's—hey, good for you. I'm sure it makes things easier. I'll tell you who else had faith like that. Mom. She used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. In fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me. [You never told me that.] What's to tell? She was wrong. There was nothing protecting her. There's no higher power. There's no God. I mean, there's just chaos and violence and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds. You want me to believe in this stuff? I'm gonna need to see some hard proof. You got any? (23:09)

Sam—

[Dean: What's next? Are you gonna start praying everyday?] I do. [What?] I do pray every day. I have for a long time. (19:50)

I wanted to believe. So badly. It's so damn hard to do this, what we do, all alone, you know? There's so much evil out in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny, when I think about how I could end up.... [Dean: Yeah, well, don't worry about that, alright? I'm watching out for you.] Yeah, I know you are. But you're just one person, Dean. And I needed to think that there was something else watching, too, you know? Some higher power, some greater good. And maybe.... [Maybe what?] Maybe I could be saved. But, you know, that just clouded my judgement. And you're right. I mean, we got to go with what we know, with what we can see, with what's right there in front of our own two eyes. (37:54)

14. BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN

Dean—

[Meg!Sam: Then how the hell did I get here, Dean? What happened to me?] I don't know, all right? But you're...you're okay, and that's what matters. Everything else we can deal with. (02:51)

Sam, go wait in the car. [Meg!Sam: But, Dean—] Go wait in the car! (06:40)

What's going on with you, Sam, hm? 'Cause smoking, throwing bottles at people, I mean that sounds more like me than you. (07:51)

You know, I've tried so hard to keep you safe. [Meg!Sam: I know.] I can't. I'd rather die. [No. You'll live.] (15:53)

[Meg!Sam: What the hell's wrong with you, Dean? Are you that scared of being alone that you'd rather let Jo die?] (25:53)

This is my fight. I'm not getting your blood on my hands. That's just how it's gonna be. (31:28)

[Meg!Sam: Dean. Back from the dead. Getting to be a regular thing for you, isn't it? Like a cockroach. (34:13)

[Meg!Sam: All that I had to hold onto was that I would climb out one day and that I was gonna torture you, nice and slow, like pulling the wings off an insect. But whatever I do to you, it's nothing compared to what you do to yourself, is it? I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You're worthless. You couldn't save your dad, and deep down, you know that you can't save your brother. They'd have been better off without you.] (37:21)

[Sam: No matter what I did, you wouldn't shoot.] It was the right move, Sam, it wasn't you. [Yeah, this time. What about next time?] Sam, when Dad told me that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. Now, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you. (41:01)

Sam—

For the last few weeks, I've been having...I've been having these feelings. [Dean: What feelings?] Rage. Hate. And I can't stop it. It just gets worse. Day by day, it gets worse. [You never told me this.] I didn't want to scare you. (13:52)

[Dean: No one can control you but you.] Sure doesn't seem like that, Dean. It feels like no matter what I do, slowly but surely, I'm—I'm just becoming— [What?] Who I'm meant to be. I mean, you said it once yourself, Dean, I got to face up to who I am. (14:29)

I don't want to hurt anyone else. I don't want to hurt you. [Dean: You won't. Whatever this is, you can fight it.] No. I can't. Not forever. (15:16)

My head feels like it's on fire, alright? (25:21)

Misc: 

Meg: Hell is like, uh...well, it's like hell. Even for demons. It's a prison made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. (36:42)

15. TALL TALES

Dean—

[Bobby: Come on, now, you're bickering like an old married couple.] No, see, married couples can get divorced. Me and him? We're like, uh, Siamese twins. [Sam: It's conjoined twins.] See what I mean? [Look, it...we've just been on the road for too long, tight quarters, all that.] (11:19) 

[Sam: Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you.] What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around. [Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge?] What's wrong with my food? [It's not food anymore, Dean! It's Darwinism!] I like it. [And you know what? All I ask from you, the one thing, is that you don't mess with my stuff!] You done? [You know, how would you feel if I screwed with the Impala?] It'd be the last thing you ever did. (21:15)

Sam—

Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you. [What are you talking about? I'm a joy to be around.] Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge? [What's wrong with my food?] It's not food anymore, Dean! It's Darwinism! [I like it.] And you know what? All I ask from you, the one thing, is that you don't mess with my stuff! (21:15)

16. ROADKILL

Dean—

You know, just once I'd like to round the corner and see a nice house. (16:14)

Me? I don't like [spirits]. And I sure as hell ain't making apologies for 'em. (20:08)

[Molly: Oh, thank God.] Call me Dean. (28:46)

Sam—

Spirits like Greeley are, uh...like wounded animals. Lost, in so much pain, that they lash out. [Molly: Why? Why are they here?] Well, there's some part of them that...that's keeping them here, like their remains, or um...unfinished business. [Unfinished business....] Yeah, uh, could be revenge. Could be love. Or hate. Whatever it is, they just hold on too tight. Can't let go. So they're trapped, caught in the same loops. Replaying the same tragedies over and over. [You sound almost sorry for them.] Well, they weren't evil people, you know? A lot of them were good, just...something happened to them. Something they couldn't control. (18:52)

[Dean: You think she's really going to a better place?] I hope so. [I guess we'll never know. Not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?] Doesn't really matter, Dean. Hope's kind of the whole point. (38:23)

17. HEART

Dean—

[Sam: Dean, could you be a bigger geek about this?] I'm sorry, man, but what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids. (04:39)

[Sam: You go. I'll stay.] Forget that. You go after the creepy ex. I'm gonna hang here with the hot chick. [Dude, why do you always get to hang out with the girls?] 'Cause I'm older. [No, screw that. We settle this the old-fashioned way.] *Dean throws scissors while Sam throws rock.* [Dean, always with the scissors!] Shut up, shut up. Two out of three. *Dean throws scissors while Sam throws rock.* God! [Bundle up out there, all right?] (11:11]

Sammy, I got this one. I'll do it. [Sam: She asked me to.] You don't have to. (38:56)

Sam—

I'm not putting a bullet through some girl's chest who has no idea what's happening. [Dean: Sam, she's a monster and you're feeling sorry for her?] Maybe I understand her. (21:26)

18. HOLLYWOOD BABYLON

Dean—

[Sam: You know, I thought you hated being a PA.] I don’t know, it’s not so bad. I kind of feel like part of the team, you know? It’s good. (19:22)

Hey, we got to go check out Johnny Ramone’s grave when we’re gone here. [Sam: You want to go dig him up, too?] Bite your tongue, heathen! (23:25)

[Marty: He wrote a wackjob screenplay. There’s no pace, there’s no love interest. It’s all wackadoo exposition. I had to cut, like, 90 percent of it to make it readable, another 10 percent to make it good.] ...Should have kept Walter’s original script. It’s actually pretty good. (31:15)

Sam—

[Dean: I just figured that, you know, after everything that happened with Madison, you could use a little R&R, that’s all.] Maybe I want to work, Dean. Maybe it keeps my mind off things. (05:38)

19. FOLSOM PRISON BLUES

Dean—

Innocent people are dead—four, so far. [Sam: Yeah, innocent.] What, are you from Texas all of a sudden? Just 'cause these people are in jail doesn't mean they deserve to die. And if we don't stop this thing, people are gonna continue to die. We do the job wherever it takes us. (11:30)

[Sam: You're doing this for Deacon?] Damn right. [We barely even know the guy.] We know he was in the Corps with Dad. We know he saved Dad's life. We know we owe him. [Yeah, all right, but don't you think he's asking a little much?] Doesn't matter. We may not be saints, but we're loyal and we pay our debts. Now, that means something to me, and it ought to to you. (11:47)

[Sam: Dean, does it bother you at all how easily you seem to fit in here?] No, not really. (28:07)

Sam—

I hate this plan, Dean. [Dean: yeah, I got that the first ten times I heard it.] (05:12)

This is, without a doubt, the dumbest, craziest thing we’ve ever done, and that’s in a long, storied career of dumb and crazy. (10:58)

20. WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE

Dean—

When I was a kid, what did you always tell me when you put me to bed? [Mary: Dean, I don't understand—] Just answer the question. [I told you angels were watching over you.] (07:05)

Who'd have thought, Baby? We're civilians. (11:42)

That lawn looks like it could use some mowing. [Mary: You want to mow the lawn?] You kidding me? I'd love to mow the lawn. [Knock yourself out. You'd think you've never mowed a lawn in your life.] (13:08)

[Sam: I mean this whole warm, fuzzy, ecstasy-trip thing.] I'm just happy for you, Sammy. [Yeah, right. That's another thing. Since when do you call me “Sammy?” Dean, come on. We don't talk outside of holidays.] We don't? Well, we should. I mean, you're my brother. [”You're my brother?”] Yeah! [You know, that's what you said when you snaked my ATM card, or when you bailed on my graduation, or when you hooked up with Rachel Nave.] Who? [My prom date, on prom night.] Yeah, that does kinda sound like me. Well, hey, man, I'm sorry about all that. [No, look, it's all right, man, I just...you know, I'm not asking you to change, I just.... I don't know, I guess we just don't really have anything in common. You know?] Wait, whoa whoa whoa, yes we do. Yes we do. [What?] Hunting. [Hunting? I've never been hunting in my life, Dean.] Yeah, well, then we should go sometime. I think you'd be great at it. (17:51)

I can fix things with Sam. I can make it up to him. To everyone. [Carmen: Okay. What's gotten into you lately?] This isn't gonna make a lick of sense to you...but I kind of feel like I've been given a second chance. And I don't want to waste it. (19:58)

And there's this woman that's haunting me, I don't know why. I don't know what the connection is—not yet, anyway. It's like my old life is coming after me or something, you know, like it doesn't want me to be happy. Of course, I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball, but you'd say, "Go hunt the djinn. It put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness or all those people's lives, no contest." Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life? Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad? (23:14)

I'm sorry that we don't get along. And I wish to hell I could stay and fix it. But I gotta do this. People's lives depend on it. (26:07)

[Djinn!Sam: Why'd you have to keep digging? Why couldn't you have left well-enough alone? You were happy.] [Djinn!Mary: Put the knife down, honey.] You're not real. None of it is. [It doesn't matter. It's still better than anything you had.] What? [It's everything you want. We're a family again. Let's go home.] I'll die. The djinn will drain the life out of me in a couple days. [But in here, with us, it'll feel like years, like a lifetime. I promise. No more pain, no more fear. Just love and comfort and safety. Dean, stay with us. Get some rest.] [Djinn!Jessica: You don't have to worry about Sam anymore. You get to watch him live a full life.] [Djinn!Carmen: We can have a future together, have our own family. I love you, Dean. Please.] [Djinn!Sam: Why is it our job to save everyone? Haven't we done enough? I'm begging you. Give me the knife.] I'm sorry. (34:47)

I gotta tell you, though, man, you know, you had Jess. Mom was gonna have grandkids. [Sam: Yeah, but Dean, it wasn't real.] I know. But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad. I mean, ever since Dad....all I can—all I can think about it how much this job has cost us. We've lost so much. And we've sacrificed so much. (40:43)

Sam—

[Dean: Get out of the car.] I'm going with you. [You're just gonna slow me down.] Tough. [This is dangerous and you could get hurt.] Yeah, and so could you, Dean. [Sam—] Look, whatever stupid thing you're about to do, you're not doing it alone, and that's that. [I don't understand, why are you doing this?] Because you're still my brother. [Bitch.] What are you calling me a bitch for? [You're supposed to say jerk.] What? [Nevermind.] (27:07)

Well, I'm glad we do [get along]. And I'm glad you dug yourself out, Dean. Most people wouldn't have had the strength. They would've just stayed. (40:25)

[Dean: We've lost so much. And we've sacrificed so much.] But people are alive because of you, Dean. It's worth it, it is. It's not fair, and, you know, it hurts like hell, but it's worth it. (41:24)

21. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, PART I

Dean—

I'm gonna take care of you. I'm gonna take care of you. I got you. That's my job, right? Watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother. (39:32)

Sam—

[Jake: By the way, I, uh, appreciate what you're doing here.] What am I doing? [Keeping calm, keeping them calm. Especially considering how freaked to hell you really are. I've been in some deep crap before myself. I know the look.] Want to know the truth? I got this brother, right? And he's always telling me how he's gonna watch out for me, how everything's gonna be okay, you know, kinda like I've been telling them. [Yeah.] I don't know if I believe it this time. (22:56)

22. ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, PART II

Dean—

[Bobby: Don't you think maybe it's time...we bury Sam?] No. [We could maybe....] What? Torch his corpse? Not yet. [I want you to come with me.] I'm not going anywhere. [Dean, please.] Would you cut me some slack? [I just don't think you should be alone, that's all. I gotta admit, I could use your help. Something big is going down—end-of-the-world big!] Well, then let it end! [You don't mean that.] You don't think so? Huh? You don't think I've given enough? You don't think I've paid enough? I'm done with it. All of it. (02:16)

You know, when we were little, when you couldn't have been more than five, you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom, why do we always have to move around, where'd Dad go when he'd take off for days at a time? I remember I begged you, "Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know." I just wanted you to be a kid, just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you, keep you safe. Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I have one job—I had one job. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too? How can I? How am I supposed to live with that? What am I supposed to do? Sammy. What am I supposed to do? (06:27)

That's the same deal you give everybody else. [Demon: You're not everybody else. Why would I want to give you anything? Keep your gutter soul. It's too tarnished, anyway.] (11:08)

You almost died in there. I mean, what would I have.... You just take care of yourself for a little bit, huh? Just for a little bit. (16:37)

Which is why we gotta find this yellow-eyed son of a bitch. That's why I'm gonna kill him myself. I mean, I got nothing to lose now, right? (19:00)

[Bobby: What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your dad—you're both just itching to throw yourselves down the pit.] (19:18)

Dad brought me back, Bobby, I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way, something good could come out of it, you know? It's like my life can mean something. [Bobby: What? And it didn't before? Have you got that low an opinion of yourself? Are you that screwed in the head?] I couldn't let him die, Bobby. I couldn't. He's my brother. [How is your brother gonna feel when he knows you're going to Hell? How'd you feel when you knew your dad went for you?] You can't tell him. You take a shot at me, whatever you gotta do, but please don't tell him. (19:27)

[Azazel: You saw what your brother just did to Jake, right? That was pretty cold, wasn't it? How certain are you that what you brought back is 100% pure Sam? You of all people should know that's what dead should stay dead. Anyway, thanks a bunch. I knew I kept you alive for some reason. Until now, anyway. I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family.] (32:23)

[Sam: You shouldn't have done that. How could you do that?] Don't get mad at me. Don't you do that. I had to. I had to look out for you. That's my job. (38:45)

Sam—

I kind of can't believe it, Dean. I mean... our whole lives, everything... has been prepping for this, and now I...I kind of don't know what to say. (36:35)

[Dean: I had to look out for you. That's my job.] And what do you think my job is? [What?] You saved my life over and over. I mean, you sacrifice everything for me. Don't you think I'd do the same for you? You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get you out of this. Guess I gotta save your ass for a change. (38:57)

[rosartemis]

Your Phenomenal Dramaturgy DSMP Animatic

Was gonna post a YouTube comment, but then I realized I didn’t want to get eviscerated by the dsmp fandom for having a different opinion, so submitting my interpretation of the lyrics/animatic in regards to c!Dream here instead :P

“But I don’t know a thing, love or losing, see?” I believe references how before Wilbur and L'manburg these kinds of conflicts/wars were never a thing on the server and Dream had no idea how he should deal with it. “So I threw to the side any human in me.” Implies Dream believed he had to make harsh choices to end the conflict, he couldn’t be soft, “No mercy” right? “If I live a lie of shallow words and empty replies, then what am I?” implying Dream keeps his word, but the people of L'Manburg don’t. It’s framed as a response from Dream to Wilbur during the declaration of independence, and makes sense if you consider the fact that Wilbur was scamming everyone out of their own potions supplies and made L'Manburg in part as an excuse to get away with it when the other members of the server got mad (Dream was uninvolved at this point, but he likely heard about it from Sapnap, who was one of the people that had confronted Wilbur and Tommy about their theft). “Then it stuck in my head, gotta run away” Dream and Sapnap getting carried away with burning down the forest surrounding L'manburg. “Playing out like a scene, posing every lead Near the end of the show, waiting in the wing, see?” Not sure about the first line, aside from referencing how everything’s a play and Dream’s the lead actor, but the second line refers to Eret’s role as the hidden traitor “Waiting in the wings”. “Run to front stage, you’re all actors anyway, no one to watch, You’re all part of the play” Dream having to make tough decisions as the de facto leader of the Greater Dream SMP faction during war. He’s planning out strategies with George and Sapnap, but the map turns into a chess game and he hates how he has to consider using them like pawns in the game to win this war. “There’s no one inside me There’s no one that’s hiding Always been me, empty, a body but nobody here to see” Montage of Dream prepping for the battle, there’s a scene in which he’s stepping into an argument between George and Sapnap. He’s steeling himself for the battle ahead. From a meta standpoint, these are all the scenes we as viewers never got to see, but they still happened, and it was still Dream who had done all this for his faction. “And knowing that those eyes are watching…” From the animatic implies that Dream seems to think things aren’t quite over yet, so he’s keeping an eye on things. “Til before we could see, we were monsters in skin ” Dream and his relationship with being called a monster/tyrant/villain continuously by the other members of the server, in particular those that are a part of L'Manburg. Could also be how he hadn’t noticed himself slipping into that role until far too late. “But even if I had tried to move on, why can’t I leave my past?” Same as above, but this time with the bonus of Pogtopia Wilbur manipulating him and convincing him he’ll be nothing more than a tyrant, a villain despite his clear attempts to amend that opinion of him and change by siding with Tommy (and Wilbur), who he thought were the “good guys”. ““Considering it’s you, better give up soon” “Cuz no matter what you do, you will always lose”” Dream talking in reference to Tommy and Wilbur (?). “And then I was alone way before I knew Blocking every little thought that I couldn’t sit through” George leaving the conflict (and Dream) alone to build his own thing. Dream realizing he’s alone/his friends don’t seem to care about him as much as he does them, and trying not to think about it. “All they want now is safety from what’s around Waiting for help but never learning how” Dream constantly covering for George and Sapnap during conflicts they got themselves into without asking for anything in return, and George and Sapnap never learning how to stop causing conflicts/resolve them by themselves. (taking advantage of Dream’s help) “I don’t wanna think now” Doesn’t want to remember the good times he’s had with everyone/his friends. Him swiping away the pieces like he wants to stop this stupid game of chess. “I’ll play dumb anyhow” Reference to Dream losing his godly powers because of the exorcism and being split into 2 (as explained by creator of the animatic) and pretending everything was fine afterwards. “Always been me, empty, a body but nobody here to see” Realization he’s lost his powers and can’t rely on XD to help resolve the Manberg/Pogtopia conflict. Here his mask goes from covering the top of half of his face to covering his entire face, a “loss of humanity”/“empty” (from a circle to being fully molded onto his face covering), and is also when the strings motif starts. Trading chessboards for puppet strings. Very obviously, you can see him slipping and his mental state deteriorating. “So standing at the front line and maybe this time I’ll be there with a flag high” Reference to the Manburg shield hinting at his allegiance and how he’s leading the Manburg “army” during the battle. “Outmatched but easygoing "Never gonna need a script with me”“ Dream surrendering and playing along with their expectations (Pogtopia winning against Manberg). "Oh you too yes yes so take a deep breath "Swear that you’ll see me again” One chance is all I have now And so I better make it count Climatic ending, come see The final act, I’m shaken to my knees" Speaking to Tommy about meeting him for the final confrontation, Tommy realizing this is his chance to take down Dream for good, “climatic ending” the finale Dream’s planned out for them. Dream is determined to see things through to the bitter end. “Yet crying and lonely” But what has he lost to get to this point? (also the juxtaposition of Doomsday Dream with his armor and cloak staring at the sunset atop his obsidian grid, framed by destruction being swapped out for an image of the old Dream, still with strings tied to his hands, but staring up at the softer night sky being framed by trees, is just, so good) “The world that I locked out is nowhere to find The people who mocked me are gone from my sight Emotions and feelings are useless to keep The tears that had fallen were not mine to weep” Hardening his heart against George/the rest of his friends (who later in turn abandoned him/left him), beating down those who had wronged him in the past, letting go of Spirit and the attachment associated with them so they’ll never be used against him again (representing him cutting off the rest of his attachments to do the same thing) despite it being very obviously painful and hurting to do so. (choosing to let go, but finding that doing so hurts anyways. Crying for something you think you shouldn’t cry for.) “The kindness and warmth, I can’t feel them at all The hands that are offered, I’m scared that I’ll fall The hole dug inside me can’t hold any love Instead, you can see me break down from above” Unable or unwilling to form healthy emotional attachments/connections with other people. He’s scared that if he does he’ll just be hurt again, and so he pushes them away, even those who’d offer him their help. He’s lost so much that he’s grown emotionally repressed (his past as Cornelius and how he lost his entire family in a week) and has trouble feeling things like “love”, and starts collapsing under the lose. (his mental health spiraling hard) “Hey, remember when you saw that they were nearing their end? And you looked like you were laughing at the pain they were in But what did you see? Oh really what could it be Well, take a breath ‘cuz you’ll need it, so c’mon saying” Something more happening with Dream behind the front of “big bad villain” that he puts on for the rest of the server, what was he really feeling? What was he really planning? We don’t know. “We’re pulling at the boundary, unseen A curtain dyed in black soon came to be And knowing that those eyes are watching…” The end of a season/the “show”, Dream’s put in prison and the curtains appear to be closing, but there’s still some loose ends that haven’t been tied with the other characters, and Dream’s presence can still be felt all around the server despite him being locked up in a literal torture box with no real power (power that could get him out of said torture box). (also, just loved how you incorporated the chorus! I’ve known about Dramaturgy for a long time but hadn’t realized how well the lyrics just fit with the DSMP plotline XD)

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Wow, thanks for such a detailed response to my animatic :D I’m really glad you enjoyed it enough to type so much out!

I really like your interpretation, you basically got most of the things I was going for. While I yearn to type out something longer, I don’t really want to tell people how to interpret something lol

Thanks again <3

[pffbts]

I do not want to bother you, but you said you have no request for jin, which breaks my jin heart so hear you are (if you want to do it): Looking for a new appartment with him ❤️

―GENRE: fluff ; comfort; angst (if you squint)

―CHARACTERS:  childhood friend!kim seokjin x female!reader | no supporting character.

―W.C: 3.2K

―AUTHOR`S NOTE: extremely sorry if this is too late but i absolutely loved this request. it feels domestic & i`ve a weakness for domestic jin plus his natural hair coloured mullet. i hope you like this, bub <3 love u & thank u for requesting such a lovely request <3

[02:28 PM] [warmth will come when you never expect it]

―you felt the coolness spreading through your right cheek and along with it the few cold icy water droplets falling one by one on your denim jacket. you opened your eyes slowly against the hot wind that was flowing through the open bus today. as you turn your head to your right, the cup of cool coke brushes against your face, the straw obscuring a bit of your sight, and the cold surface freezing up your lips.

you find your best friend, jin turning his head at the same time to look at you.

“you looked like you were in discomfort so i was trying to cool down your skin.” he said, looking a bit concerned as your eyes remained kind of droopy.

“why do you look so good even in this weather?” you asked listlessly.

“maybe because you put down my offer to sit at the window seat?” he said back, sounding so obvious.

meanwhile, jin has put down the cup of coke and pushed the cold drink into your hand. “drink it, it will help you a bit.”

“it`s too hot, i shouldn`t have worn this jacket.”

“you could`ve worn that cami you brought last weekend.” jin, tried describing the sleeves of the dress by putting both of his hand over his shoulders, “you know the one with the thin strings?”

“ah it wouldn`t be a proper dress to wear for apartment hunting, you know?”

“why? i`m sure you looked good in it.”

“that`s too much skin. plus the dress is of thin material. we`ll be meeting random people today and i don`t want anyone to give me looks. i already get enough because of your handsome face,” you took one glance at jin who was looking at your hands holding the cold plastic cup and eventually making it go warmer, a small smile climbing onto his mouth, “plus with that mullet, you look extra good. i swear i saw some girls going gaga over it while we were getting on the bus at the bus stop.”

jin put a stop to your rambling, understanding how the hot weather is getting on your skin. he took the drink from your grip and gently pushed the straw into your mouth. “this is getting warm, drink up.”

you mumbled back an incoherent speech which wasn`t clearly understandable to jin but it was none of his concern right now. he was already getting up from his seat to look out from the window to see if you guys are at your destination already or not.

you thought he was probably getting up because you were at the destination already and so you reached your right arm towards him and held the end of his flannel (tmi: it was deep blue with think green stripes as checkered print) while still holding the cup in one hand, the straw in your mouth all along.

jin looks back, shaking his head silently letting you know that he`s not getting up to leave but just to check if you guys are at the destination yet or not. he took his hand off of the metal rod for support and extended his arm behind and held your right-hand wrist―a small sign of reassurance and warmth, you understood.

in a few seconds, he dipped his head down to see that the shop the landlord said about is right on the other side of the street. thankfully there was a bus stop on this side of the street so the bus stopped & jin pulled you by arms to get up. you moved quickly and followed him down the bus.

the coke which is half-finished now is now being pushed towards jin, who looks down at you, confused.

“drink it too. i would feel bad if you don`t have a sip.”

“just a sip?”

“okay maybe a little bit more than that.” you gave in.

“okay but hold it for me a bit, we`ve to cross the street now,” he points at the shop on the opposite side of the street which the landlord talked about, “that`s where mr. lee will meet us, i think.” you nodded and wrapped your left arm around his right one while crossing the street.

the street was kind of busy today and maybe that`s why jin was kinda concerned with you even though he knows you`re accustomed to the city by now.

when you finally crossed the street and stood in front of the shop, you let go of his arm. jin, as decided beforehand, takes the coke from your hand and sips in some of the now lesser cold drink. you felt kinda bad because initially, he bought it for himself, he couldn`t drink it much.

“i`ll buy you one tomorrow when we go back from uni,” you told him. jin closed his eyes for a second and shook his head, pulling the straw out of his mouth, “it`s okay, eventually, you needed this more than me, so it`s absolutely okay.”

you could only smile at your best friend.

when the landlord eventually came, jin decided to interrogate on behalf of both of you. strangely the first question the landlord had for you guys was, “are you guys a couple? engaged?”

you both looked at each other perplexed because all your school days and now college days, you guys have always heard people saying the same thing. do you guys really look like you could pass as couples? even at the extent of an engaged couple?

during school days, your classmates would never approach jin even though he was technically the most sort after guy in the whole grade. for some weird reason, they thought jin would never look at any other girl than you―be it asking for a spare pen from the distance of five desks or being the first option for a group project. it has always been you and jin. even at college, though jin took acting major & you took physics as your major because both of you arrived and left college at the same time and with each other, even the campus people knew you both came in two in one package. one wouldn`t leave the campus without each other.

strangely, there hasn`t been any sort of romantic action in-between the two of you. both of you have been quite chill with each other. both of your mothers have been friends since your and jin`s elementary days so get together for dinners and lunch has always been quite common. though it has definitely crossed your mind how your friend started looking more than just a friend. it eventually started since he started growing out his hair to the current mullet state. his tall stature, his beautiful face, his way of knowing every bit of household works while your lazy self just never left your room during exam seasons.

but the thoughts remained like flickering thoughts just passing by for some seconds when you look at him some days. it has never crossed your mind that you can possibly be romantically linked up with him. at this point, even with all this hand-holding and taking care of each other, showing concerns when one of you is in discomfort. for you two, this has always been like a natural thing in your relationship―like how humans react in the world where only you and jin exist.

actually, it was kind of good that people thought of you both as a perfect pair because jin has always been the perfect man for any human out there, especially for someone as studyholic or as allergic to household work as you.

“do we really look like that, sir?” jin asked now facing him.

the man shrugged his shoulders in reflex, “i don’t know even from far away i thought you two are some couple. actually, you both don`t even look like a new couple―”

jin put his palm up in front of the landlord and laughed, “sir stop right there, we`re simply very close-knitted friends. we`ve been best friends since our elementary days, i guess the closeness of ours rubbed in a wrong way for you.” jin bowed a bit.

you bowed too as in reflex to which the landlord kind of laughed, “okay yeah i understand. now let`s get with our business, okay?”

you both nodded as usual in unison. seriously, it`s like at this point you both aren’t even doing this on purpose, it`s like a simple reflex. it`s like you two are one body, one heart, one brain―but divide that brain into two halves in which one side is filled physics derivations while the other how an actor should act varying emotions bit by bit.

the landlord stared at you two for another second, let out a nice big laugh this time and started walking before you with his back facing you two.

“what do you think of this one? it has two spacious rooms enough for two young people, plus a small kitchen at a good spot.”

“the kitchen does look quite small but thankfully it`s not located at an uncomfortable place.” jin remarked this because the other two previously painfully close to one of the room & he knew that would be a problem if you stay in that room because there was a high chance if you both have chosen that apartment, you would`ve taken that room close by the kitchen with the biggest window. apparently, your love for windows is quite big and that`s not unknown to jin, at least.

“yes, i like it quite much. let`s see the rooms once again, can we?” jin asked. the landlord nodded and took both of you in again. both of you scanned the rooms again, this time quite carefully. after all, you both are going to stay here for two years until both of you graduate.

“i like this one,” you nudged jin with your elbow on your left, “what do you think?”

“i like it too. which room do you like though? that room has a good window i think?” he looked at you asking the most concerning question, “i think the window in this room is smaller than that one. you should definitely take that one.”

“yeah that looks cool, i guess.” you agreed with him giving him a satisfying nod.

as soon as he saw that you`ve agreed on with him, he turned away from you to confirm with the landlord that you guys will be taking this one for two years. the landlord said you both have to go with him to his office to sign the lease.

both of you agreed to go with him. it was a short walk from the current apartment and when you two finally signed the lease, paid the needed deposit to him in check and all, it was decided that by next week you guys will move in. the landlord marked his calendar and said he`ll look into it.

bidding goodbyes, both of you stepped out of the office and started walking to the bus stop at which you got down previously.

“our campus will be a little bit far from here. probably going to take half-an-hour but the locality is good. there`s a supermarket right across the street, plus a bus stop, what do you think?” jin asked, casually putting his left arm on your shoulder, eventually pulling you against him a bit.

you realized that the streets are getting busier and so when jin closed the distance between you two, it was from the thought that you might get separated from him in the increasing crowed.

“i like it. the distance won`t be a problem. our school was one hour from our neighbourhood, remember?”

“right. i think we`ll settle well here.”

you hummed back in agreement.

“by the way! why do people still think we look like a couple? even strangers we meet say the same thing?”

“i don`t know, maybe because we do look like one?”

“you should definitely get a girlfriend. people will start assuming weird things when we start living together.”

you felt jin stiffen a bit at the mention of getting a girlfriend. it`s been kind of an off-topic for you two but these days you`ve been dropping this topic left and right on him.

“it still won`t change the fact that we`ll still be living together.”

“but―”

“and what? even if i get a girlfriend like you said, she won`t live with us.” jin`s hand dropped around your waist, he held you this time quite protectively. his arms looked strong around your waist, you could feel his abs muscles moving against your right arm. “at the end and the beginning of each day from the next week, it`s going to be us only in that apartment.”

“you can bring your girlfriend over anytime you want. i won`t have any problem with that.”

“what if i don`t want to?”

you both have reached the bus stop, currently standing and waiting for the bus. you snapped your head up at his towering height. jin wasn`t looking at you this time.

“what do you mean?” you asked, your voice held no assurance.

“i said i don`t want to get a girlfriend, forget bringing that said girlfriend into our apartment. it`s absolutely not needed,” jin now looked down at you who was about to say something, “and you must know at this point i don`t want anyone apart from you.”

“huh? jin?” your head now empty except for his last words.

i don`t want anyone apart from you.

what exactly did he mean by this sentence?

“i`m not getting a girlfriend. i don`t need anyone.”

“but you sound like you and me are..” you couldn`t finish the sentence because when you looked up jin this time, he was looking at you directly. his eyes were set on you and you only. there was no flickering in his eyes. they were intense yet warm. for the first time in your life, you couldn`t look him in the eyes.

this is strange. this is definitely strange you said to yourself.

“we`re what?” jin asked.

“i don’t know. you said to the landlord that we`re only best friend and that we`re this familiar with each other because we know each other for a long time but you`re talking like you were lying back there.”

“and what if i was?”

“jin!” you exclaimed, squeezing your eyes shut in sudden embarrassment. what is this guy doing? you thought, he sounds so ridiculous now does he even has the slightest idea of it?

“the bus is here, we`re going. come on, hold my hands.”

“no i`m not holding your hands.”

“but you always love holding them.”

“who told you that?”

“i don`t know but i guess we`ve spent enough years together, facing a lot of things together and i think we`ve always held hands no matter what.”

“but it`s because you`ve always been with me through those days. i never meant to do it on purpose.”

because the bus has already reached the stop. you guys gave your conversation a small break to get into the bus. after securing a seat, as usual, jin giving you the window seat, you guys went back to the talk.

“you never meant to do anything on purpose. and that`s why it makes it more special. that`s why i`m not getting a girlfriend. if things go well, i want to have a future with you,  y/n.”

it isn`t a usual thing when jin starts calling you by your name and you know when he does say your name, it means, he`s extremely serious at that moment. but what made your head completely blank and your mouth drop was his wish to spend even the future with you.

“jin.” you completely turned your body to your left to face his side profile. when he noticed you have your undivided attention on him, he turned his face to his right giving back his own undivided attention on you.

“you must be kidding me. are you seriously confessing to me right now? you sound like you want to make me your wife or something after we`re graduate.”

“hey that actually sounds like a nice plan too.” he pulled his right hand out of his pocket and pointed at you.

you slapped his hand away laughing and rolling your eyes at the same time. “okay! i`ll see if your plan goes well.”

you turned around and put yourself in a relaxed way against the bus seat.

“oh by the way,  i will forget to say. i want chicken noodles tonight. will you cook tonight?”

“i`ll bring it to your dorm.” jin continued, “like i said, anything for you.”

according to the rule in your college, first years had to stay in the dorms so that`s why both you and jin weren`t living together for this one year.

maybe this one year made jin think of you in a way he has never had. when he saw you on the first day at the entrance of the campus, he knew something felt different. you both weren`t just childhood friends from that day. no next-door neighbours who could simply wave at each other from individual windows. no classmates just a few desks away in one room. no same dinner table at your mothers` meetups. the time spent apart this one year, the lack of interactions gave jin chances to yearn for your presence and he felt like a new person every time he finally saw you before college. probably that`s why he couldn`t resist from saying what kind of days he looks forward to with you.

you looked away from him and moved closer to the window so that you can feel the much cooler air and not just think how jin for the first time in your life brought in a heat across your neck you almost couldn`t recognize, something which only existed in the books you read before tonight.

fin.

[bbwoulfc]

ML NY Special Review

Finally finished my review on the ML NY Special and it’s going to be a long review, I won’t lie.  I will be breaking this down in two sections.  First section will be focused through the perspective as a professional (animation industry) and the second section through the perspective as a viewer and ML fan.

I won’t deny, I will be criticizing a few things and really give large opinionated thoughts; I’m sure it will piss people off, but I’m gonna be honest and I don’t give a damn.  I’ve been here since the beginning and I’m gonna go all out.  It wouldn’t be the first time I pissed people off.

Again, keep in mind these are my views/opinions as a professional and as a viewer/fan.  If you can’t handle some of the strong opinions that will come from this review, then keep moving on.  Don’t waste your time if you can’t handle certain characters or subjects being discussed in a different light.

If you wish to continue, then click the “keep reading” option.

As an animator, this is one of my favorite things to do with animated shows or movies.  I absolutely love breaking things down and giving opinions on the whys, whats, and hows.  Never do I aim to prove my opinions right.  My goal is to simply make you think and consider.  And if you don’t agree then that’s completely fine.  That’s how it works.

Now, the NY Special has definitely exceeded the quality than what I expected.  I absolutely love SAMG as a company.  I think this is by far one of the best that SAMG has produced for Miraculous as a whole.  Even better than the origin episodes. The lighting is probably the best I’ve seen in a 3D animated tv series, by far. It was stunning and gorgeous and worked well with the given mood that was set throughout the hour of the special.  I would say there are two scenes in particular that I felt were the best lit scenes. 

The first scene is definitely near the beginning when the class landed in NY and where traveling in the bus.  They stopped either at the hotel or museum and the shot was the buses in front of the large building where you have the other city buildings around it.  That shot was gorgeous; the orange hues falling on top of the buildings and gaining that purple and blue shadows was great.  It’s honestly one of my favorite complementary color schemes to use when lighting most scenes in animation.  It helps achieve a nice balance when setting mood but also to get a nice glance at the shapes of the models in the scene.  Perfection.

As for the second scene, I would have to say it was the moment Adrien left and Marinette was biking to chase after him and she fell.  That moment the scene focused on Marinette on the ground and in the rain spoke many volumes.  The color tone of the scene was perfect and captured the common traits used in many shows and films to further drive the sense of sadness and overall emotional effect; using the traditional trait of rain made the scene work and stand out during the struggles that Marinette was dealing with. 

The rain in general was outstanding on it’s own.  Liquids in animation are tough, not an easy thing to do. The way the rain was animated was probably the best rain I’ve seen in most 3D animated tv series.  I will even say it beats the rain from the origin episodes which is amazing because it shows the growth alone that SAMG has come from since the first season of the series.  

They create stunning quality work and by far are the best of the best from all the companies that ZAG uses or had used for the show.  I won’t lie, I still can’t fathom how Jeremy/ZAG could let such a company go but Jeremy isn’t the greatest with the money, so it’s not a shocker.  It definitely shows that man doesn’t know how to properly run a company and treat a show.  I honestly blame him for pretty much the entire outcome of the series and that’s my god honest opinionated truth as a professional. 

The pacing of the special I felt was good, though I do think it would have been nice to have had an extra 30 minutes to help flow areas a bit better or more, but I can understand the time constraints, especially after hearing about how Thomas stated that the special was going to be two hours originally. And I will be honest, I wouldn’t have minded that.  I think it would have been fantastic to have had a longer span episode special, but I understand a lot of the struggles that no doubt the team had endured.

Overall, some issues, but 10 out of 10 on animation and quality output.

Now the second section; viewing through the eyes as a viewer and fan.

As a fan of ML, I will not beat around the bush, I truly believe this special was disappointing plot wise.  And I don’t blame Thomas and his team for the issue.  As stated previously, my anger and frustration is more on Jeremy/ZAG for everything that has come from ML as a show and especially the result of the NY special.

My biggest issue with the special was the focal point: Adrinette.

How many damn times must I hear, “they’re meant for each other” or “aren’t they perfect together” and so forth.  I get it. You can adore Adrientte but I don’t need it shoved down my throat every five minutes.  I don’t give an ounce of care that Adrien and Marinette are endgame and that they’re “soulmates”.  The romance between those two means absolutely nothing to me.  It was cute and fun in the beginning when the series first started, but I’m tired of it.  I don’t care about the love square.  I don’t care about the “soulmate” trope when in reality anyone can be someone’s soulmate with the right care.  That was no doubt the biggest issue for me in the entire special.  

In my opinion, it would have been perfect if it wasn’t Adrinette centric.  This was the best moment to show Marinette is improving herself but it had to become fan service because god forbid it felt like they needed to please the Adrinette shippers that their ship is still valid. If we’re judging this based off the season 3 finale, I won’t lie, this special fit better as a season 2 finale or mid season 3 than the end of season 3.

I’m seriously more disappointed that the special wasn’t more on Marinette and herself as a character.  They were in New York, another strong hub for fashion.  This was a perfect opportunity to explore more of her interests as a fashion designer and maybe meeting some new people.  Who knows, maybe even Jagged Stone as an international rock star. But overall it was a lost opportunity to expand more on her for the sake of shipping.  

I think it would have also been cool to see her and Chat Noir maybe learn some methods/training from the US heroes and get a glimpse into a world of heroism that is different in cultures and circumstances.  Which honestly made sense to me how US heroes didn’t care about identity because Ladybug and Chat Noir have magical based items that are no doubt more powerful and outside sources that I’m sure would be willing to destroy to obtain it.

Another problem I had was how I felt we were robbed without having Kagami and Luka go to New York. Or if anything, more with Luka than Kagami. I love Kagami with all my being, but I doubt her mother would let her go to New York.  But imagine Luka being there. We could have had a flipping jam session between Luka and Jess.  I felt we were cheated, it would have been amazing to see two incredible guitarists jam it out and two people who have a passion for music find a friend in each other. I would have given anything to have had that moment.

Though in general I would have enjoyed anything else if it just wasn’t Adrinette centric.  I’m positive everyone in the fandom is on the same page that they’re “soulmates” but there’s more that can be done than a damn ship that has followers that attack and annoy anyone who doesn’t ship them.  Because, god forbid, Adrien and Marinette apparently aren’t allowed to be happy with others. I swear, half the fandom (hardcore adrinette shippers) treat Adrien more as an object than the ML characters themselves. 

Nothing against the ship, but it’s just not for me and that’s okay.  I simply can’t relate to Adrien as a romantic choice of a character.  When Luka came into existence, I was in awe. I found a character I could relate too because I was as close to similarity than any other character in a show before.  And that’s something I’ve noticed with this fandom, hating characters because to them they’re nothing but boring.  

Fans need to understand that one will not understand everything in a show, especially characters.  Just because you hate a character and find them boring doesn’t mean they’re terribly written.  You as a viewer simply can’t relate to them and that’s completely fine.  There will always be some who can relate and understand while others don’t, but that shouldn’t be a reason to argue against people who love a certain character.

And I’m being serious, I enjoyed the 30 seconds of Kagami and Luka with their love interests more than the hour of Adrinette.  It’s just overall sad.  There is so much potential that could have been the special focus wise but felt it was there to show why Adrinette is “superior” when it’s really not.  They’re only one of many ships that are equally good.  It comes down to how it’s portrayed and done.

However, since I know we’re stuck with Adrinette no matter what, I’m going to end this review with this as a food for thought but again, this is a simple opinion.

There was one thing that stood out and caught myself and some of my friends in a ML server attention.  In the NY special there were strong moments that revolved around bikes.  So, out of curiosity, I searched for symbolism meanings about bikes during the server’s conversation and it might hint to what might happen or what might come in the future of the show.   

The bike symbolizes the moving circle of life. 

Seeing a bicycle is a hint that you will reach somewhere. This could either be your motivation or your future plan. Cycling refers to the different moods that a person feels. Bicycles are also related to the ups and downs of life. For instance, riding a bicycle gives you both smooth edges and rough pebbles on your journey. The smooth edges are related to the happy times of your life and the rough pebbles denote the challenges of life. 

So, if we want to use this to break down ML, this in a way, represents Lukanette and Adrinette.  Luka are the smooth edges in Marinette’s journey.  He’s the one that calms her, helps her think things through, focuses on what Marinette wants to do rather tell her what she should do.  Never once does he tell her to do this or do that, but simply asks her what it is she wants. Luka, is pretty much her guide. The happy times as Marinette where she appears happiest without the burdens and overwhelming stress of her other life.  Whereas Adrien is the rough pebbles in her journey, the challenges to properly talk with the one she views as a love interest or simply to build that perfect friendship/relationship.  Yes, they’re friends, but they’re not as strong as friends like Marinette and Alya or Adrien and Nino. Adrien is a challenge in her life and always will be until she learns to let go and mature.   

The other moment that stood out with the bike was the moment Marinette was pressured to chase after Adrien to get him to stay.  She chases after him on a bike but falls off in the end. 

Falling off the Bicycle: This indicates that you are losing your self-confidence. 

Spend time with your loved ones and take suggestions from the experienced people. Join a course on building your personality and motivation. Do things that interest you the most and this will surely help to bring back your confidence level. This indicates a frenzied lifestyle and the need to slow down. 

This here makes me believe that Luka is the “experienced people” in Marinette’s life.  Other than Kagami, Luka is the only mature one in Marinette’s life in her friend group.  He’s one of the biggest motivators in Marinette’s life as of recent.  Putting her interests at heart that have helped her build her confidence.  We know Marinette has a frenzied lifestyle with everything that she has on her shoulders as well as her passions.  And Luka is one of the very few, if not, only one in her friend group that can calm Marinette and help her slow down and simply relax.

I know Adrinette is endgame, but I won’t deny when I say if there was anything that ML could do, is that they make Adrigami and Lukanette endgame.  So many shows always pair the two main characters, always.  If there is any message that I would have loved to see come from a show like ML, it would simply be “Your first love/crush will not always be the one and that’s okay. That your first crush/love could be the greatest friendship you ever have. And the second chances in your life are just as valuable as the first and may be even better for you.”  

Fans might hate Kagami and Luka, but as far as I’m concerned from everything I’ve watched since the beginning, the only reason you’re getting your Adrinette in the end is all because of Luka.  If it weren’t for him majority of the time, y’all wouldn’t have half of your love square moments.  So, Luka is the true MVP in my book.  Because unlike many of the others, he doesn’t put pressure on Marinette and that’s what Marinette doesn’t need right now, more pressure.  

Adrien and Marinette might be endgame, but those two need people outside of their classmates because everyone is too tunnel vision.  Luka and Kagami are the only ones that will help Adrien and Marinette mature, cause those two will not be able to do it themselves.  So, if you want your Adrinette, you’re gonna have to suffer through Lukanette and Adrigami.

[67impalaandwhisky]

Destiny Is Heaven Sent

Summary: Knowing Dean Winchester since you were fifteen, you’ve always been pulled in his direction. Always wanting to open up the rattled and broken cage your heart lives in. But when the child you’ve been raising together dies, you find yourself closing up the cage of your heart again. And if destiny has one thing for you, it’s to break you down before bringing you back up.

Characters: Dean x You, Sam, Castiel, Bobby, OFC’s, OMC’s, (Ongoing)

This Series Is Set Through Seasons 1-6 With Knowledge That The Bunker Exists

Rating: 18+

Warnings (Ongoing and Will Be Updated): Grieving, Mentions of Rape and Defilement (As Per A Case), Show Level Violence, Swearing, Smut, Impreg Kink, Blood, Fighting, Drinking, Dean Being Dean, Fluff, Angst, Dom!Dean, Sub!Reader

Warnings For This Chapter: Sexual Thoughts, Sexual Tension (!), A Break In The Case 

Chapter 3.

The slam on the door jolts you awake first thing in the morning.

With a whine, you hold your head before looking at Dean who's curled around you like a snake as he continues to sleep.

"Hey!" Sam yells through the door.

You hear the small tinkering in the lock before the door comes opening up with him crouched down right before it. He gives a nervous chuckle as you raise an eyebrow at him.

"Lock picking so early in the morning, Samuel?"

"We got a new body. Prostitute just like our first victim." He says before looking down at Dean as he buries his face into your bare side.

"Me and Dean will go. Let me just get him up." You say before giving his younger brother a weak smile.

Sam shakes his head, a smile widening over his face as he closes the door shut.

You look down to your left as you blink, trying to clear your mind of all the alcohol sluggishness you feel. He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping. No hardened eyes or worry lines on his forehead.

His lips are gently parted, the famous Dean stubble gracing his sleeping face. 

You want to open up the cage that surrounds your heart and that's exactly why you can't. 

You shouldn't want to do anything. And, maybe that's the harsh negativity in your brain but you can't see any other way around it. 

Letting him in would mean you would be vulnerable. Would he be the one to protect you? He would be the one to comfort you? 

He shouldn't have to.

Fuck that destiny stuff. Fuck that soulmate stuff.

But, you're frightened that there will be a time when you need him over anything else.

And it's slowly coming to that time. The time to just let out your demons and accept that you're not safe and sound if it isn't with Dean. 

"Dean?" You whisper softly as you nudge him.

He groans at the call of his name, nudging his hips closer to yours and you can feel his morning erection digging into your thigh as he sniffles gently.

You've felt it before, you've felt his hips snap and jolt against you looking for the heat of your body to get him off in his sleep throughout the years.

You can feel the fresh wave of arousal washing over you like waves. Your vision tunnels as you look down at his briefs.

He must have taken his pants off after you fell asleep.

His thighs are toned and taut as they flex beneath the thin black fabric of his underwear.

Subconsciously, you lick your lips as the outline of his cock protrudes through the fabric. 

You've always heard praise and moans through thin motel walls from the women he's fucked. Always moaning about how big his cock is and how it fills them so full. You always thought it was a show until now. He was packing something serious in those denim jeans of his.

You haven't been fucked in a long time. Too long if you're being honest. 

You can only imagine how his perfect pink lips would feel as they drift down your body. His calloused hands rough and urgent against your warm, soft skin. How his stubble would tickle you and make your skin only that much more sensitive for him.

Your hand cards through his hair and you lose yourself for a second as you watch him.

"Like what you see?" You hear him murmur, his voice laden with sleep.

Your eyes widen, your heart begins to pick up speed at the embarrassment of getting caught. 

Your hands react first, shoving him hard and fast away from you. He rolls off the bed and groans loudly as his body collides with the floor.

"Jesus Christ!" He whines as he sits up.

His eyes snap open, evergreen irises finding yours before he's rubbing the bleariness away with his fists.

"Let me give you a little lesson-," he cringes standing up before walking over to the counter and grabbing water, "if you see a hard cock, you touch it. You don't fling the person into the void." He grumbles before sipping the water.

You narrow your eyes at him, pulling the sheets over your half naked body, "Eat a dick, hot shot." You counter and he just simply smiles at the motel room floor before walking towards the bathroom.

"Relax, Candy girl. I like waking up next to you. Starts my day off right." There was no flirtatious tone to his voice, no wink. Nothing that would signify him trying to get into your pants. It brings a blush to your cheeks and neck. 

You find yourself grimacing as he shuts the door.

Wearily, you get up and grab your clothes before staring at the bathroom door.

Maybe if you crack the cage of your heart open only a little bit, it might suffice. Maybe if you just let him in a little then it would take away your pain.

"We have a new body." You call to him through the bathroom door.

He swings the door wide open as he steps out and you shield your body with your clothes as he leans against the door jamb.

"Let's get ready to gank this bitch then." 

You roll your eyes before shooing him away but you don't miss as his eyes drift over your almost bare legs that your clothes can't seem to cover.

His eyes flicker with mischief before retreating back into the bathroom with a sly smirk on his face.

God, if there was one thing that Dean knew it was that he was way more into you then you were into him.

Opening the passenger door to the Impala, he waits for you to step out of the hotel room. 

It's very rare to see you in a pencil skirt but the times that you do have it on, it's an experience for Dean. 

Your legs look so soft, your toned thighs are hidden and teasing underneath the constraining fabric, nevermind how pert and perky the globes of your ass look. 

He can't help the laugh he gives as you pull down the skirt uncomfortably, trying to make it go past your knees.

Everything you do is so endearing to him.

It's almost incredible to him that you've been the person you are since he met you and growing up he tried to get into people that were so absolutely different from you.

You were sexy and confident, not overly sexual and not flirtatious at all. You were focused and did your job to the best of your ability.

He admired everything about you in your entirety so when we looked for women, he looked for everything opposite of you. No one could ever be you nor would he want them to be.

"I feel so fucking restricted, this is horrible." You complain as you climb into the car.

"You look good." He comments simply.

You watch him walk around the car, his fingers tapping rhythmically against Baby's hood. He fixes his tie and you can feel your palms become sweaty at the sight of him in the rented suit.

You decided that you would start to open your cage, just a bit. Healing starts with you, it wouldn't just get better on its own.

Dean climbs into the car before turning to you. Without a second thought, you fix his tie even better than he could have done minutes earlier.

His breath stutters as you wipe off the shoulders of his suit jacket. Eyes widening a fraction as he looks down at you.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He murmurs as he starts the engine.

"Nothing." You reply as his hand purchases behind your chair.

What is it about Dean Winchester reversing a car that's so hot? The way he angles his body towards yours, you can smell all of his scents plus the citrusy bar of soap the motel provides.

He hums to himself as he begins to back up the car. You begin to count the freckles on his face before his eyes snap to yours.

"You are really weird today." He mumbles before pushing your hair off of your shoulder and squeezing it lightly.

"Marsh wouldn't want us to fight. He loved us being together." You say certainly as you look out the window.

Dean stops the car before turning to look at you fully. His eyes were roaming over your face. Your voice seemed peaceful. Were you letting him in again? Were you making the time to open your heart up for him once more?

"Yeah...he did love us being together." He replies as he tilts his head.

You give a small smile towards the window, watching him stare at you through the glass.

"Marsh would be mad at us if he saw how we've been acting." You say as you lower the window.

The man beside you stares ahead as he clears his throat.

You were opening up. He can feel his mood lifting into something on the sweet side of happiness. 

Maybe dreary clouds and terrible fights were on their way out. Maybe, you could start to be his life partner once more.

He smirks to himself as he stops at the light. 

"I'm glad you see it that way. I agree." He whispers before turning up the music.

On the way to the morgue, the car ride is filled with singing and laughs. Something that's been so distant in both of your lives for quite some time.

"Can you not touch that?" Dean asks as you throw your legs up onto the dashboard.

"What's got your panties in a twist, De? I want to listen to Kansas." You whine holding up the cassette. 

His evergreen irises flicker to you as he drives down the highway. You give him a wide smile, showing him your pearly whites and he smirks before grabbing the cassette.

"Fine just don't tell Sam I'm letting you pick the music." He mumbles before blasting the music as he lowers all your windows.

"WOO!" You cheer, the Indiana breeze blowing through your hair as you start to play the air guitar.

You can hear his hearty chuckle beside you as he speeds up the car. 

"You're the only girl I know that is me in the female form!" Dean yells above the music as he turns the car along the highways curves.

"Maybe that's why we make such a great team!" You call back as the melody of voices carries through the air.

"We're the perfect team, Candy girl! All I need is you, me, Sammy and a six pack of El Sol!" He yells as the engine revs loudly.

Sitting in the motel room by his lonesome, Sam taps his cell phone against his temple as he scrolls through his laptop.

What kind of pissed off spirit has the mojo to do this? There's not a single haunting as far as the eye can s-

"Hello Sam." He jumps in his chair before turning to the voice of Cas as he stands before the small kitchenette of the room.

"Hi Cas. Jesus." He mumbles before carding his fingers through his long hair.

Castiel stands quietly as Sam shuts his laptop.

"Uhhh Cas? Did you come for a reason?" The taller man asks as he grabs his cup of coffee.

"Yes." The angel replies and Sam nods slowly before raising his eyebrows.

"Okay. So. Why're you here?" He asks aloud as Cas sits down at the small table.

"We have to make Dean and Y/N fall in love with each other." Sam groans loudly at his words before sipping his coffee.

"Cas, I told you. I've tried but Dean just doesn't want to hear it. He's been hearing it since he was sixteen from our dad." The taller man notifies as he rests his elbow on the table.

"We should tell Y/N." Sam narrows his eyes at the angel before laughing.

"Yeah? Do you think she would take it better than Dean?" 

Cas ponders on the thought for a second before humming uneasily, "No. In fact, I think she might try to hit me for suggesting it and break her own hand in the process." 

Sam gives him a thumbs up before rolling his eyes. 

"They already love each other. They just have to get over the whole initial terror of being actual people with one another." He mumbles as Cas stares at him.

"Yes. But they need to do the act of love for destiny. God sent everyone a direct message, and they are just not heeding it." Sam leans forward at his admission.

"God wants Y/N and Dean together?" Sam asks loudly.

"Oh yes. It's been aware to all angels for quite some time. Right after you went into the cage." 

"Well why didn't you say that before? That's kind of a big deal, Cas!" Narrowing his eyes at the vessel of Lucifer, he stands back up.

"It isn't as big of a deal as it should be, apparently. They aren't even taking this seriously." He deadpans, his voice getting dangerously low.

Sam scoffs before looking down at his phone.

"I don't know what to say. They just have to figure it out on their own." He mumbles.

"Useless." Cas says before vanishing from sight.

Sam lets out a groan before opening up his laptop once more.

"You're useless." He whispers under his breath before continuing his research.

Pulling at your skirt, you shove the doors open exiting the morgue with your best friend by your side.

"They both were pulled from the same corner, both were aspiring models that wanted to just make some extra cash to live." Dean says as he takes off his tie.

You frown before giving up at the uncomfortable fabric and groaning loudly. 

"Would you stop? You look like your diggin' up your ass to find gold." He whispers as people walk by you into the building.

"Yeah well, this skirt fucking sucks! I feel trapped in a cocoon!" You bark back as you walk towards Baby.

"Your butt looks good though." He compliments calmly as he walks around the car.

"Shut up!" You admonish as he opens the door for you.

"Look! I can't even move my legs!" You complain as you try to stretch your legs, the fabric only giving way about four inches before you find your legs trying to close from the tightness of the fabric.

Rolling his eyes he unbuttons the top button of his dress shirt.

"Yeah, alright. I hear you. Let's go back and change. God, you whiner." He says, leaving your door open as he rounds the car to open his own.

Throwing your body into the car, you unzip the back of your skirt before sighing happily.

Dean looks over before his eyes widen and he grips the steering wheel tightly.

He can see the revealing skin beneath the open zipper, the gentle parting of your asscheeks below the tight fabric.

"Are you kidding me?" He complains as he turns on the engine.

"I don't feel as suffocated, leave me alone." You mutter out as you unbutton a few buttons on your blouse.

You were used to tight tank tops, loose jeans and combat boots. 

His eyes falter to the soft looking skin in his peripheral again, his tongue tracing over his bottom lip before clearing his throat.

"Just wear suit pants next time. Jesus." He says as he pulls out of the parking lot.

"Let's go change and get a beer. I'm thirsty." You tell him as you lower your window.

His head turns to watch you while he stops at a stoplight as you angle yourself out the window. The globes of your ass press tightly together as you fix yourself comfortably in the seat.

Running his large hand over his face, his bottom lip tucks between his teeth. 

You don't even know how sexy you are. You don't even care. That's what gets him so hot and bothered when he's alone.

"Light's green." You comment as you look at the autumnal leaves on the trees. 

God, what if he could just wrap his big hand around your waist and tug you into his lap. Pull you over the middle console of Baby and grip those sexy cheeks between his fingers.

So fucking pert and per-

"The light's green, idiot." You tell him as a car honks behind him. 

Sticking up his middle finger, he abandons his wildly horny thoughts to drive down the road.

"So are we getting beers?" You ask as you sit properly in the passenger's seat.

"Oh yeah. I need a drink." He murmurs, turning up the music loud.

"Yeah well we need to be quick about this. Another victim seems to be coming up." You say as you sit down in the booth of the dive bar with your two best friends by your side.

Throwing your legs over Dean's lap, you watch as his hands immediately grip them tugging you closer to his body on instinct as he sips his beer.

"There's not a single haunting in this town of Missouri." Sam whispers as the waitress comes over.

"Hey guys! Can I get you another round?" She asks, her eyes immediately wavering to the older brother as she pushes some hair behind her ear.

It doesn't quite bother you as much as you would think. Dean's been getting pussy since you both met. 

"What do you want?" He asks you, his thumb drifting over the leather of your thigh high combat boots as he ignores the waitress.

"Whisky and coke." You say as you look through the documents Sam has printed from a nearby Staples.

Dean leans closer to you and you freeze, your eyes flitting to Sam. You can feel your heart begin to beat faster, can feel your breath stuttering in your throat.

"You have an eyelash." He mumbles as he picks the lash off of your cheek.

Pulling back he holds the eyelash on his index finger in front of your face before turning to the waitress.

"I'll have what she's having. Sammy?" 

"Same." He murmurs suppressing his smile as you narrow your eyes at the younger brothers.

The waitress smiles, "Three whisky and cokes coming up. You want your drink extra strong, handsome?" 

Dean clears his throat as he pushes his empty beer bottle farther away from himself.

"Whatever you're giving my girl is good enough for me." He says calmly.

You wish that things would just fall into place, for the pain to go away and for your heart to be soothed and open once more.

You blow the eyelash off of his finger before leaning back in the booth. 

"She's your girlfriend?" The waitress asks, pointing at you with her pen.

You don't dignify a response as you stare at the pages of information on the victims. You're used to Dean turning the flirting into his nightly pleasure within a few minutes. 

"My wife, actually." Dean says before he finishes off your beer and grabs some papers on the case you're working.

Sam smiles widely before finishing his beer and you roll your eyes, suppressing the smirk your face just naturally wants to give. 

Her smile falters as she grabs the empty beer bottles before nodding.

"Lucky girl." She says and you snort before looking up at her.

"You don't know the half of it." You deadpan, earning a loud laugh from the younger best friend on your right.

Dean doesn't even watch her walk away, he plays with the laces of your boots as you continue to rifle through the papers.

"She was pretty." You comment as you turn your attention to him.

He looks up from your boots just to shrug, "Not in the mood." 

His brother lets off a low whistle as he leans his shoulder against yours, "Dean Winchester isn't in the mood? Has the world ended?" 

You giggle at his joke while his older brother grimaces. 

"Shut up." He mutters.

"Here you go. Three whisky and cokes." The waitress says as she begins to take them off the tray.

"Thank you swee-" He stops himself short before looking at Sam, who gives him a teasing smile as you put down the two photos of the victims on the table.

"Oh my Gosh. Those are the victims, aren't they?" The waitress whispers quietly as she leans against the booth.

"You know them?" Sam asks as he pushes his hair back.

"Of course. We haven't had murders or prostitutes for a long time around here." You sit up straighter, pulling your legs from Dean's lap.

"A long time? Online it says you never had any." You ask, tilting your head.

Dean sips his drink, staring at you instead of the waitress.

It's cute when you become interested in information, the way your shoulders straighten and your neck sticks out just a tad.

"Well yeah. The mayor probably doesn't want people to know that his grandmother was actually a prostitute. Or so they say." You hum intrigued as you pick up your drink.

She notices how keen you are and continues to speak, angling her body towards you.

"Apparently back in the early nineteen hundreds, there were prostitutes on that very corner. The mayor's grandmother being one of them. There was a guy named Morley Rosmund that had sex with one of the women from the corner behind his wife's back and she got pregnant. When he told her to get rid of it, she ended up killing him. She had sex with him first and then put his body through a woodchipper. Only up to his pelvis though and then she left him. Since then, all prostitutes have been disappearing on that corner for years." You nod at the story, your eyes flickering to Dean as he shakes his head with a wry chuckle.

"And no one talks about this?" Sam asks as she stands back up.

"You just need to talk to people that do know the tale, I guess." She says with a shrug before nodding to a group of people that call her from the other side of the bar.

"Well I'll be damned." Dean lifting his glass.

"Cheers." You say before clinking glasses with the both of them.

"Guess I'm putting on a dress tomorrow." You mutter as you write down the dead man's name.

"Can't wait to see how uncomfortable you get with that." Dean jeers with a laugh as he picks your legs back up and puts them on his lap.

Raising an eyebrow, you watch as he strokes the leather of your boots.

"It's comforting." He mumbles before finishing his drink with one large gulp.

Yeah, it is comforting.

Forever Dean Tags: @akshi8278​

[lelly-belly]

Whumptober Day 3

Hello again, friends! its time for day three, this time featuring two new characters of mine. I’ll admit, this one got a little away from me, and it strayed from the idea I had originally planned out. But its a lot longer compared to the others I’ve written, so yay for that. A lot more dialogue too. I’m not stellar when it comes to writing in first person, so please, keep that in mind. Also, again, not edited. 

Trying to tag @tinyplan3ts again because it didn’t work last time lol

No. 3 - STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT…

taunting | insults | “Who did this to you?”

CW: violence, punching, some cursing (please let me know if I missed anything!). 

Context: Mark and Thomas are both players on the school soccer team, and, in their main story, eventually get into a relationship in their first year of college. Today though, they’re in their last year of high school, and this is one of the many times an asshole named Alan makes life hell for Mark. 

----------

I don’t know how, but Thomas always seems to find me when things go wrong. Always. It’s like he’s got some weird sixth sense for me, appearing at just the right time for him to witness something happen. 

It happened in our most recent soccer game. 

It happened in the hallway when I got shoved into the wall by a group of vaping idiots. 

It even happened when I fell down the stairs at school. 

And it's happening now. 

I swear I don’t mean for this stuff to happen to me. It just does. Like, I try to be nice to everyone, but goddamnit, some people just suck. Like Alan. He’s this asshole on my soccer team who’s dead set on making everyone’s experience a living nightmare. He’s constantly bitching about someone during practice, talking shit like he owns the place, and he just isn't good on the field. Normally I wouldn’t be too annoyed at someone’s lack of skill, but come on! He plays like a two year old hyped on cocaine! How did he make Varsity when he’s this bad? 

I’ll tell you how. It’s his stupid fucking smile. He plasters that shit on and sucks up to the coach and then suddenly he’s starting every game. I can’t tell you how infuriating he is to play with, or even just be around. His creepy little fucking smile sends shivers down my spine as he flashes it to me. I can’t help but look away, alright? Call me a coward all you want, but that smile will be the last thing someone sees before they die, mark my words. 

Of course, he sees me avert my eyes, and it only makes him smile more. My class is just down the hall, maybe twenty or so feet, and Alan has stopped walking and turned to me. He makes his way through the sea of people moving to their next class and blocks me from going around him with his backpack. 

“Hey,” he says, grinning wider. “How’re you?” I fight the urge to crinkle my nose in disgust. 

“I’d be better if I was in my class.” He laughs, and I cringe. Luckily he’s got his eyes closed, so he didn’t catch that. 

“Wanna go for a smoke?” he asks, holding up a pack of cigarettes. Now I crinkle my nose. 

“You know I’m not doing that shit, I want to actually have lungs later in life.” He scoffs. 

“One isn’t gonna kill you. C'mon, lets go.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder and steers me away from my classroom and in the direction of the side doors to the school building. As he makes me walk to the doors, the bell rings. I suppress a sigh. 

“I have a test this period, y’know.” Alan rolls his eyes. 

“You can always make it up later, relax,” he tells me. I clench my fists and stop walking. He turns to me, and that gross smile is thankfully gone. Unfortunately, it’s replaced by an equally off putting scowl. “Oh don’t be a bitch,” he growls. “Just fucking come with me.” 

“No. I have a class to go to.” I turn on my heel and march back to my classroom. I can hear him coming up behind me, so I speed up. He speeds up with me. I’ve almost reached my classroom when he grabs me by the hood of my sweatshirt and pulls me back to the doors. He doesn't listen to my ‘fuck you’s and ‘lemme go’s. He doesn't even listen to me when I start choking. He just pushes the side doors open and drags me out with him. 

As soon as the doors close, he drops me on the sidewalk. “YOU FUCKER!” I shout, standing up and getting in his face. At this point, I couldn’t care less about attracting the attention of some remaining students and ditchers. “I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, YOU SON OF A—” I don’t even register I’ve been hit until I fall back onto the ground. My cheek stings, and my eyes burn with tears. I clutch the side of my face, looking up at him. 

“Shut the fuck up,” he tells me, his voice tight. “Your little fucking confidence streak is pissing me off, so stop it.” I wish I could say I hit him back, but instead, I just stare up at him in shock. In all of our arguments, he’s never once hit me. This, for some reason, feels like an intense turning point. 

“Do I need to hit you again to get you to fucking understand me?” he asks me. I open my mouth to respond, but someone jumps in between the two of us. 

“Get the hell away from him, you asshole!” the person who jumped between us shouts. I recognize the voice as Thomas’. I breathe a sigh of relief. It’ll be okay, Thomas is here. “This is really disgusting of you, Alan,” he says, his voice low and threatening. “I swear to God, you’re off the team for this.” 

Alan doesn't outwardly seem fazed. His shoulders are still rolled back, his chest is still puffed out, and his fists are still clenched. But something flashes in his eyes. It's hard to decipher, but it looks like fear. Maybe it's because he knows Thomas isn’t joking. When the captain of the team says you’re off, you’re probably off. 

He’s quick to recover though, and he rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” He peaks around Thomas, meeting my gaze. “We’ll talk about this later,” he threatens, before stalking away. It’s interesting to note that he walks, not into the building, but to the parking lot where his car is parked. Thomas waits for him to round the corner of the school before turning and crouching down in front of me. 

“Are you okay?” he asks gently. My eyes water all over again. 

“Y-yeah I… I’m fine, I just need a sec.” He raises one eyebrow and stares at me. 

“Don’t lie to me, Mark. Lemme see your face.” I shake my head, only to groan at the intense dizziness that explodes at the tiny movement. He sighs. “If you have a concussion I’ll beat that fucker so hard he’ll be out for the rest of the season regardless.” If I didn’t know Thomas, I’d believe him. Instead, his hard expression softens, and he gently pulls my hand from my face. He sighs sadly. 

“Jesus, he really got you, huh?” I snort. 

“He did, yeah.” 

“Can you open your eye?” I try to, but can only see a small sliver through my swollen eyelid. “Damn, okay, I’ve got a first aid kit in my car so we can ice it,” he says firmly. “Lets get the swelling down and maybe that’ll help with the bruising.” 

“Its already bruising?” I ask. He nods, grimacing. 

“Yeah, come on, lemme take your bag.” I pass my bag to him, he shoulders it, and we walk to the parking lot further away from the school. Usually, I’d complain about how far the walk is, but now, I’m just grateful I’m not in danger of running into Alan. 

When we reach his car, he makes me sit in the driver’s seat and recline it as far as it will go. He then climbs into the passenger’s seat and roots around in the glove box until he yanks out a small, white box. He pulls out one of those shakeable ice packs that the nurse often uses, but, for some reason, she’s just never here anymore. 

He crushes the chemicals inside and shakes it with one hand, while he digs through my bag for my water bottle with the other. Once he locates it, he makes me drink half of it before he’s satisfied, places the ice pack on my eye, and reclines his seat too. 

The car is filled with him softly humming a slow, calm song, which manages to lull me into a surprisingly dreamless sleep.

[skamamoroma]

Skam Italia S4: The Hide and Seek Scene

I was asked to write about my favourite scenes from Skam Italia s4 and this one specifically first which is a risk because, so far, I haven’t been able to watch it without crying, to the point where I am 100% sure the music is emotionally coded or I have eventually gone mad.

Anyway, this post was inevitable because if you know me, you know I adore Marti and Nico so much and have written long posts all those months ago that, I guess, this had to be done! And it’s long but it’s me, it was never going to be short! (I type fast)

Before I go through the song... at this point in the season, it’s kind of heartbreaking watching Nico sit there and look at Marti with so much longing and emotion. You can tell he misses him desperately. And Marti? Ah my favourite idiot. We KNOW how upset he is. I think at this point, he is telling himself he’s fine and that he’s drawing a line and he hasn’t got anything left to say to Nico… mainly out of sheer stubbornness. Nico’s lies and the way he tried to hide things clearly hurt and frightened him, triggering worries of loss and being left behind, of not being good enough, of Nico’s past changing what they have, of Nico’s past actions with Maddalena being something that could happen again. Neither of them are NOT understandable. I look at them both and I see the foundation they built back when they first got together and how that can only have strengthened immeasurably because of how long they’ve been together… I am reminded that the look in Nico’s eyes spells out what he told Marti on that balcony - “i’m thinking about the fact that I’m in love with you and I’ve never felt this way before”. Marti isn’t a stop gap or a second best because he couldn’t have Luai… Marti is hugely important to him. Nico adores him and not only that, adores him FOR who Marti is. I think it’s that basis that didn’t once make me feel anxious when episode 7 arrived. I feel I know these characters and their hearts. We know Marti’s so well and know that when he loves you, you’re his family. We know he considers Nico to be that… he left his father and step family behind, reconciling his past anger and walked away towards those he considers his family: his mamma, Gio/Luchino/Elia and Nico… he chose them and he specifically walked towards Nico with so much honesty to tell him he was by his side. The idea that ANY of that could be disrupted and that Nico perhaps isn’t who he thought he was… “somebody that I used to know” - not only an amazing song choice for Nico/Luai but also for Marti/Nico. Marti’s face screamed “I don’t know all of you” when he realised Nico’s past had been hidden from him. Marti’s fear of losing Nico caused him to cut and run and he effectively broke his own heart… but at the same time, Nico didn’t help himself. By trying to do the right thing, he made it worse and I think the bottom line is that eventually Marti felt left behind, felt that Nico’s extended secrecy and lies were a reflection of their relationship…

But he didn’t have all of the facts and his own fear and freak out meant he wasn’t seeing clearly. We know Nico loves Marti with his whole heart not only because he told us but because of that comfort they give off as a couple… it’s just a FACT. 

And this is where this clip makes me weepy. Because we know Nico’s past now. We know 3 pretty important things

Nico always felt spoken for and lost in his relationship with Maddalena. He wasn’t trusted, was spoken over, was belitted at times and felt he lost his voice. He was subject to all of that but put up with it. She wasn’t a bad person… their relationship just wasn’t healthy. His extended Last Man metaphor was his own way to ‘escape’ and be with Marti, someone who made him feel safe and listened to and cared for. Marti is his safe space.

Luai wasn’t just a mistaken kiss. He meant something. He may not have meant what Marti means or even close to it but that doesn’t matter. He was SOMETHING and if Nico’s eyes and smile in the piano video are any clue, Nico was so fond of him. That became dark and upsetting and ultimately damaging for both of them and poor Luai. Poor poor soul. Poor Nico for having that so cruelly removed from him, perhaps wondering if he was to blame or if he’d stayed away all would have been fine. It makes sense now why Nico was so unwilling for Marti to see the real him, to give in to what he felt with Marti because, ultimately, Nico internalises. His worries must have been overwhelming. He must have feared that history would repeat or that somehow HE was the one who was toxic… which we know is so untrue. 

By meeting Marti, Nico suddenly has this whole group of lovely, fun, ridiculous, warm and inclusive friends who show so much love and support. It is SO TELLING that Nico is still there at Silvia’s birthday party. Nico is NOT simply Marti’s boyfriend. He is a part of their group and they care about him so much too.

Knowing those 3 things is why the song that Ludo chose will FOREVER make me cry the second I hear the words. How he found a song SO perfect for Nico’s story is astounding to me. Every lyric works and I think the only way to talk about this scene is to track it with the lyrics… I suggest listening to it as you read (if you’ve even got this far because IT IS JUST SO PRETTY). 

This scene is, if nothing else, a moment to honour Nico as a character and his relationship with Marti and I swear I’ll never be over it. 

I lived my life alone before you

We see Nico alone with his eyes closed. The idea that we KNOW Nico felt alone before he met Marti. He told him he felt alone in his head, in a crowd and alone with people he loved. Marti changed that. 

And with those that I’d never succeeded to love

Maddalena. Luai. Neither of them worked out. The first being unhealthy and damaging and the second being a tentative step into a hopeful romance which resulted in trauma.

But we know Nico is someone with a huge heart. He still wants to love and be loved in return… but he feared it so much because of his mental illness but also, we now understand, because of what happened to Luai

And I grew so accustomed to that kind of solitude

We saw he had. He told us that when he and Marti were in his bed. He lives his life feeling alone… so much so that the thought of being the Last Man frightened him so much.

I fought you, I did not know how to give it up

Well, even writing that made me cry. We WATCHED him fight his feelings for Marti. His own worries and fears making his route to falling for Marti full of bumps in the road. He felt unworthy and frightened… and yet he still couldn’t give Marti up. Time and time again he fought his way back to Marti - Halloween, Bracciano, by his plan for the apocalypse, on the balcony when Marti came out of the twinkle lights and then finally accepting to live life minute by minute despite his fear. 

Before you, had I ever known love or had I only known misuse of the power another had over me? The power another had over me.

Oh. This line. This is the one that gets me. Full on tears. The fact that Nico, as a lovely kind gentle creative beautiful soul knew more pain than most his age by the time he met Marti. Not only did it come from parents and a girlfriend who failed to listen to him, who always decided his feelings for him, his battle with his mental illness causing him to feel shame and as if he couldn’t be loved and listened to as Nico and not a product of his mind. As Stefano Benni and La Giraffa helped him find strength that he could know real feelings despite his brain being poorly, he kept trying and fighting. 

He watched a boy he liked, Luai, subject to significant mistreatment and trauma and no doubt partially blamed himself… never received closure for that and was left with clear scars from it

“Had i ever known love or had I only known misuse” - those words are so emotional for me. Had he? I don’t know if he had. It makes what he found with Marti so fundamental and meaningful. How safe Marti must have made him feel. No WONDER he tried to hard to cling on. 

I crossed the country and I carried no key, couldn’t I look up at the stars from anywhere?  And sometimes I did, I felt ancient but I still sought peace and it never came to me

I heard this and immediately thought of his mental health and also his path through his struggles. That idea of ENDURING and going through so much… never being able to see the stars or a way out. That overwhelming shame. That feeling of being weary and exhausted. The fact that he DID always keep going, always seeking peace and comfort and contentment but “it never came”….

They often spoke as thought I had been set free, but I travelled only in service of my dreams. I stood before them all, I was a sleepwalker

AH. Oh god this song. Every line, man. The idea that Nico has had people who have told him how to behave or have caused him to question his own mind… the fact he must have been told time and time again that he’s getting better or that he’s being monitored… but he chose to keep going if anything, for his passions. We KNOW he is a renaissance guy, a creative quirky soul. He plays piano and draws and sculpts and is a lover of film and the arts as a whole. All of that makes him deeply passionate and he uses it to help him, often to cope. But the idea of being a sleepwalker… the idea that he walked through life half asleep a lot of the time because of his past experiences even in the face of those who told him they cared.

Couldn’t hold my misery down, not even for you. 

Nico can’t change who he is. He was never able to and nor should he. But he felt he wasn’t good enough for Marti. Meeting Marti made him want to change… but ultimately he realised that meeting Marti meant the opposite. He didn’t need to, he was loved as he is. 

But I long for you now even when you just leave the room

OH my. Tears again. We have just watched him stare at Marti across the room with so much love in his eyes, so much longing for his best friend, his love. Not having Marti must hurt and hurt badly.

And of all of the roads and cities that I passed through, of all of the eyes I have searched inside, the one sense of permanence that I came to feel was mine, only beneath your gaze

FUCK ME. Haha. That last line. Marti is his person. Of all of the things he has experienced, the people he has encountered and tried to love or tried to make connections with, none of them worked out and never once did he feelable to be himself entirely… until Marti. Beneath Marti’s gaze, he could feel that sense of permanence… he could see and be himself. 

I can’t even tell you how stunned I am at this song and how truly PERFECT it is for Nico… but that this last line… the fact the song tracks Nico through the house alone and ends with him finding Marti makes me want to weep into a cushion! 

The fact he’s helped by those who also love him. They orchestrated this because Nico means something to them and so does Marti. They want them to be happy and he’s helped to find his way back to Marti by true friends. 

The thing that CANNOT be ignored is that this whole thing happens because of Gio. Of COURSE it does. He spends this season trying to keep peace: with the girls, Nico/Marti and with Marti/la rosa squad. His heart is enormous and he just likes people to get along. My dude, how I love him.

As for the way the clip unfolds and the specifics, I love that it is the boys only who point Nico in the right direction. It had to be them. Gio being the one to lock the door. Gio’s smiles as he does it. It is SO reminiscent of the fact Gio left the cabin in Bracciano for them. He’s always there for Marti but that also means he’s there for Nico too and he won’t allow them to be unhappy. 

I can’t handle how small Nico look, how cuddly in his sweater with his tumbly curls. He’s just the most endearing. The warmth of the lighting and of the house is a classic Skam Italia thing and is, as ever, like a comfort blanket.

The fact that Marti is under the bed makes me laugh with Nico having to bend down to see him… not to mention the “bastardi”. Oh my sweet idiot boy. He was never going to be able to get away with his self destruction and stubbornness forever and his boys won’t let him. I love that it’s so Marti. The whole exchange is so in character… Marti’s “I can jump out of the window” is his ever sarcastic self at play and I adore him for it and so does Nico because in the face of everything, Nico laughs. There’s just this overwhelming send of comfort and sweetness, I can’t explain it.

The fact that Nico asks “can I come closer?”. The softness of his voice, the way he ASKS and doesn’t just do it, the way he KNOWS he must go to Marti and that Marti’s stubbornness is fierce but also that he fell in love with Martino Rametta… he needs to spell things out for Marti and let him know what he wants. 

What is also REALLY sweet is that it’s kind of Gio AND Elia who stand at the front of the door with Elia looking to Gio and celebrating their little trick. Their unspoken words and communications throughout Nico and Marti’s story was fundamental and we see it again. The characterisation is just so unbelievably consistent and meaningful. Their little high five at the end is adorable.

The fact they’re all outside, all hopeful and full of love for both boys is so heartwarming. I can’t! 

I also LOVE the way Filo is there cuddled into Gio’s arm. THE SWEETNESS. Everyone must love cuddles from Gio. But Filo being a part of it is just PERFECT as he’s fundamental to them both too. 

Then the ending being so so so sweet with Sana being so filled with love for her friends and for Marti and Nico that she uses that to spur her on to make a big decisions of her own. How I adore and cherish this scene so very very much. 

I think their story in s4 carries on so well with so many ideas from s2, not just filling in the gaps about Nico’s past. It adds SO much to s2 and things we see, heard and experienced with both Nico and Marti.

The thing that most surprises me is that we are effectively handling an Evak couple “breaking up” in this season. Yes, it wasn’t a proper break up but still, in Evak terms that could be catastrophic. It isn’t and it wasn’t and I hold Ludo entirely responsible for the fan’s ability to understand and appreciate why he chose to test them. He didn’t allow them to become background mannequins, didn’t allow them to be unrealistically perfect, didn’t villainise either of them and made them both understandable. This would have, in other circumstances, caused a total fandom meltdown but all I’ve seen are insightful posts about why YES it hurt to see them upset and going through a rough time but NO it didn’t ruin them and, if anything, made them feel more real and more connected and determined to be better. The way Ludo  loves Marti and Nico is all over this season despite it being Sana’s and, for me, it never takes away from her story. All anyone wanted from the inclusion of Nico’s past was that he was gifted some focus to honour his experiences and Ludo tried in so many ways to give him that and… well, this scene, to me, is a gift for Nico as a character.

If you got this far then GOD BLESS YOU but it is a testament to Ludo that I can always write damn essays on his work. I am so grateful to him for finding a moment in Sana’s season to do this and for it to mean SO MUCH despite it being so simple.

[shy-magpie]

RQG 156

live blog under the cut

Heads up about half way through I realized I go a bit further into analysis on where Zolf & the Kobolds are mentally than some people might be comfortable with. Just as they trust us to back off if the episode gets to real, I am trusting you to close the tab if my little live blog is hitting you wrong. If it makes a difference I have years between me and the reason I relate to this stuff.

"In Memorium" they are trying to kill us Ah they lampshaded the speed intros Yes Alex it is rather Paris Right to Azu & Zolf. Oh he's jumping right in. And there's my first pause of the episode. No “better” isn't a magic finish line you pass then never find yourself in that place again. No, knowing that doesn't mean you don't wonder if your back at square one every time you realize You Are In A Bad Place and Not Handling it Well. Gosh Azu is good at this. Yeah learning to walk away is hard. Learning to ignore the part of yourself that says "and never come back for their sake" is harder. Symbolic much Alex (Zolf is too small for the room, Azu is too large) Yeah it would be easier to not blame Zolf for last episode if I related to him a bit less. Okay they are talking about Hamid and their concerns for him directly. Yeah Hamid's relationship with power & privilege is an arc; and without the Doylist level of trusting Bryn & Alex, I can see where even if you trust/like him you'd be worried about it. With the best of intentions people misuse power. Azu quoted Grizzop at Zolf. Didn't name him, wonder if Zolf is ever going ask directly about his replacement in canon or if its best left to fic. Its easy to dismiss one's own successes. Okay fair and OW, Zolf isn't up to talking about Sasha; which is the part of this I was most prepared for. Hell yeah! He is coming down but not going to be attempting to lead so as to relieve pressure on himself. Maybe if he can let Hamid step up without making a Kew Garden thing he'll see how much he's grown. Hopefully without that setting off a "Hamid does better without me" thing. Yeah intellectual knowledge and it feeling real on an emotional level are very different things. Alex, why does it matter what order they are in? ALEX? The necklace? The Heart of Aphrodite shaped necklace? Azu got a Sign from Aphrodite approving of her reaching out to Zolf as an act of love. Yes! Blue Black no take backs! Yeah those two (players) know exactly what they are doing: breaking my heart in the best ways and not skipping over the actual work those two (characters) need to put into their relationship with OOC "its all fine now"s. Ok that settles the timeline, Azu went up same night, the device isn't made yet. Yeah Zolf wouldn't, probably best to back off while things are tender while being present enough to assure he isn't planning on leaving. Seriously bless Azu, this has to be at least as hard on her as Helen but she is letting the boys have room to work it out for themselves instead of "trying to help". The last thing either of them need right now is pressure especially on this point. Aw the Kobolds teach Cel draconic. Oh smart kid, not only is it just logical for the Kobolds to work with Cel directly, it might help them get over the "looking to see if the boss approves of how you breathe" stage. Especially if he is clear about not being threatened by them having advantage over him in this area. Heck of a relief this isn't hitting my rank issues. Ooh all the Kobolds are amazing engineers, wonder if its a Kobold thing or if Skraak recruited people with similar interests. Nice rework of the "Kobolds build traps" thing from pathfinder. I genuinely love how instead of pitching the original description of Kobolds out the window, Alex has backwards engineered it. Reputation for traps isn't a dishonorable approach to fighting, its a sign of their skill. They aren't minions, their trauma is interacting with a cultural attitude about rank in weird ways. Oh Cel! Cel is amazing. Under Shoin's orders they: made Magic Steroids, did maintenance (more towards the end as Shoin wasn't taking care of things), built the place initially, sourced ingredients, other Kobolds built the Mechkraken. Damn Shoin, they can't even be proud of all they were able to do in adverse circumstances because he tainted it. If they weren't forced to do it and have it used for ill ends, building the kraken would be impressive. A lot of that sounds like difficult work. Hamid stuff: yeah it is from a place of fear; and they would be hypersensitive and need to try to "defend him" so he doesn't react. Terrified of his anger? Handle anything that even annoys him to cut it off at the pass. And being a good person who doesn't like scaring them, Hamid is going to over do the very "Mary Sunshine" routine that makes Zolf think he doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation. You'd think Mr "do a grief later" would get that Hamid doesn't have to walk the halls wailing to be aware of the end of the world. Not that the kid can win, if he cried and threw up it would be proof he hasn't grown from season one. Hopefully by taking a back seat Zolf will have a chance to see Hamid's actions and realize being chipper & wholesome doesn't mean stupid. Oh Alex has thought this through, one of these days I'll quit being surprised he actually gets this stuff. Not being able to read the person whose emotions feel like life & death is a Bad Thing. Thank Alex for Skraak. Weird seeing this stuff from this side, of course learning to focus on my end instead of being preoccupied with what was going on in the heads of people who were on Hamid's end of it was rather the point. Perfect balance, Hamid gives them enough space to realize he isn’t going to explode, Skraak "translates" into something clear enough not to stress them out. Like when Zolf snapped at Skraak when he pledged to Hamid; might not be pretty but not knowing what The Powers That Be want? Very bad place. Rank and clear orders are very important when appeasing those who outrank you is everything. Cel has dealt with a lot of young and unsure apprentices!?! Yeah well Cel isn't in their chain of command and gears don't get offended if you have an opinion on the right way to configure them. Cel is great Azu & Hamid talking about Zolf! Helen is wonderful! I thought this was going to be drawn out and indirect, instead they are actually facing things head on and dealing with them. Aw these two are so good for each other. Azu would set aside her own emotions. Hot damn Azu, getting right to it! Hamid can be amazingly open about his self awareness and it surprises me every time. It fits him and is a very good thing, but going from answering "how are you?" with "the Kobolds are doing well" to "I never knew how to help him" without it being jarring made me do quite the double take. Guess I was expecting more deflection. Yeah well you two are redefining your boundaries, entire relationship, and rank in specific, while being the perhaps the only people with enough of the picture to figure out how to save the world. Working out the balance between conflicting views on that, when neither of you knows what the end will look like was never going to be smooth. Oh yes and none of you have directly addressed that half of Zolf's rank & dick measuring stuff is because he doesn't know if he even has a role if he isn't The Boss or The Healer.* Oh the grin in Alex's voice as he tells them there is something else before the brorb interview. Whisky tumblers for each? Quite a sigh there Ben News? Big news? While they were in the institute? They ought to sit down. Wilde get to it. Ah Azu & Hamid are holding hands. Poor kid with his prop. Letter? Ancient Rome? Sasha? Are all the fics coming true? Their founder "Askingus"!?! Oh Sasha, oh Zolf! Lydia! Oh the kids! She named the kids after the party. She even found her faith. A break? How the hell are we only half way through the episode. Also hell yeah Lydia deserves all the awards, that was an amazing letter. XD Ben! Oh Hamid, we reacted that way to the epilogue that way too. It really is okay, it was a good end. Yeah he could use a drink. Poor Zolf. Hamid gives Wilde a hug. "technically I think that makes Sasha my boss". XP be cryptic Alex, The RSB will have it figured out by Friday. Ok Zolf got to read the letter on his own. Azu lit 3 candles, because Helen wants me to cry. Hamid is at Zolf's door with a bottle and two glasses. Lydia this is a compliment to your skill. More direct than I expected from Hamid. Oh these two! Okay he is drunk enough to go there (angry at Zolf for leaving but he gets it). About time someone told Zolf directly he's grown. Aw Zolf puts him to bed. Thank you Alex! Ben! (okay fair, if any of Hamid was left he'd cuddle). Sorry Cel! Lydia wanted to break/heal our hearts more than she wanted the plot to move forward ;) Good plan: take the orb to the anti magic field, only those who have already talked to it can talk directly. Info control. Hive mind/telepathy directly addressed. Finally what Shoin eats is addressed. Ok Cel has some teeth on them. Hasn't fed it, is using the vibration to threaten to explode his brain, (no English doesn't have enough pronouns we are working on it)... Oh good point better feed it. Aw Zolf is possessive of the kitchen. Shoin is still Shoin. Cel is not happy about not being recognized. Nice to hear the boys working together. The Infection might block him from being directly aware of  being infected. Bullsh$% he backed himself up. Good point Zolf even if he does, they are separate lives, this instance can still fear death. Oh all the party have teeth, nice they don't have the "good guys have to be sweet & gentle with the baddies" thing Yeah Cel isn't stupid, the brorbs arm isn't a threat. Oh auto painting that will make the people theorizing on the bio side of how the Brorb works happy. A circulatory diagram, and am ocean of faces. Paints like a printer. A creepy charcoal sketch of London staring at the artist. *I swear on Rusty Tower if they let him hurt himself any worse because he thinks his new role is "a brick wall on wheels" I am joining the line to fight Ben in a Whetherspoons parking lot. Yes it would be in character but so would healing. There are other hills. Although seriously its been great having a character that shows so many of the aspects of depression that usually get left out. That Zolf is also a three dimensional character with a full personality beyond just "the one with mental health issues" while not making it look like those issues are tacked on or easy to handle? Stunning work.