#half of my friend groups in the past 2 years split in one way or another both online and irl.

[specialagentlokitty]

Daryl x reader - our past lives bleed into the preset

Part 2:

You turned to Rick and Michonne.

“Can we get these guys showered, some new clothes and some food?”

They nodded, and you turned to the BAU team, giving them a small smile.

“Follow us.”

You trailed behind Rick and Michonne, Carol, Daryl and AJ not that far behind you and the BAU behind them.

You stopped outside your house, and gestured to it and the house next to it.

“You guys can split up, use these two to shower and all, Michonne is going to find some spare clothes for everybody and Rick is going to get some food brought the church.”

“Can we talk?” Emily asked.

You turned around, looking at them all.

“Yeah, afterwards we can.”

“Hey (Y/N)? Jesus is asking for you, something about some plans for Hilltop he wants to run over? He’s on the radio.” Rosita said.

You turned to her, nodding your head.

“Yeah I know what plans he’s on about. Can somebody take Negan his lunch?”

“I’ll do it.” Aaron said.

You held your arms around to Carol and she handed you AJ, and you placed him on the ground next to you.

Crouching down, you smiled at him.

“Where do you want to go buddy?”

“Can I stay with Daryl?”

You nodded, letting him wonder off to hold Daryl’s hand, and you walked over to your husband.

“I’ll come find you after.”

“Be at the church.”

You nodded, and you jogged after Rosita to deal with what you needed to handle.

You were gone for maybe an hour or so, having other stuff to do as well and you finally made your way over to the church where everybody else was stood.

Making your way inside, you walked over to Rick.

“Can we trust them?” He whispered.

“Yeah, I trusted them with my life before all of this.”

“Do you still trust them?” Michonne asked.

You glanced over at the group who were anxiously watching you, then turned back to your friends.

“Yes.”

They nodded their heads, and you all walked over.

Daryl had passed AJ to Carol so she could put him to bed, and you both sat next to each other watching as Rick and Michonne interrogated the group.

It lasted maybe half an hour until JJ finally spoke up.

“Would we be able to speak to (Y/N)?” She asked.

“Fine, but we stay.” Daryl said.

“That’s fine, we just wanted to talk.” She smiled.

They all turned their attention to you, surrounded by the council, and you sat down on the bench as you looked at them.

“How did you make it?” You asked.

“We were all at a family event at the park when the notification came through on our phones, Derek was with his family and you were in a different state. Before cell reception went, we’d managed to organise a meet point with Derek and his family, but nobody could get through to you.” Reid explained.

“Yeah, I was visiting my brother, everything went to hell pretty quickly. Rick was shot just before all of this, we thought he died, turned out he didn’t.”

You gestured to Rick who was sat next to you, and then turned your attention back to the ground.

“Been with them since.”

“You’ve been here the whole time?” Hotch asked.

You shook your head.

“No, but the real question is how did you guys make it this far.”

“When we realised what was happening a lot of people panic, there was supposed to be a safe one in Atlanta, but we couldn’t get there, we set up a safe place at the FBI headquarters, stayed there for a while but we had to get out the city eventually.”

You nodded your head.

“We found a small farmhouse for a while, but it was overrun after about a year, then we just kept moving until we came across some people who took us back to the place your brother found us.” JJ said.

You nodded again, resting your arms on your knees.

You studied them all carefully, and you could tell they haven’t had much interaction with the walkers, or other people for that matter.

Most people had scars, or were covered in dirt and blood when you found them, but these guys were only a little dirty, not a single scar across them.

“We don’t have any spare houses right now, you guys can hide out here, we should have some new houses up by the end of the month. Get some rest.”

With that, you stood up and walked back to your house, dropping yourself on to the couch.

Daryl walked in not long after, sitting on the table as he looked at you resting your head on Carol’s shoulder.

“Don’t take a profiler to see he wants to speak to you.” He mumbled.

You sighed.

“I know, I just… I don’t know what to say to him…”

Daryl scoffed a little.

“Shouldn’t be that hard.”

With that he got up and you groaned in annoyance.

You know Daryl wasn’t actually angry with you, you knew he always had doubts about him being the right person for you.

After all you were a member of the FBI, in a stable relationship, expecting your partners son, and he didn’t even have a job before all this started.

“What do I do Carol?”

“You’ll have to speak to him at some point.”

You groaned again and sat up, pushing yourself up from the couch.

“I’ll go talk to Daryl first.”

Making your way to the bedroom, you got changed and crawled under the covers, placing your hand on the side of his face.

Daryl looked at you, and he closed his eyes again.

“I’m going to be honest with him, I need him to know that what we had before all of this we can’t have that again…”

This made him open his eyes again.

“Why? I thought you wanted to find him and he with him.”

You sighed.

“I did yeah, at first. Then time went on, I realised the likelihood of him or any of them being alive was smaller each day. Then I had AJ, then you were every step of the way. I fell in love with you.”

You leant forward, brushing your lips against his before pulling away.

“I love you, and I married you.”

Daryl opened his eyes again.

“Say it again.”

You smiled brightly, brushing your knuckles against his cheek.

“I love you Daryl..” you whispered.

You leant forward to kiss him again, and he wrapped an arm over your waist, placing his hand on your back as he leant forward.

He pulled away, resting his forehead on yours.

“I love you so much…”

He laughed a little.

“Go to sleep.”

“Come on Daryl, say it!” You whined slightly.

“No.”

“Daryl!”

You huffed a little bit, and went to move, and he tightened his hold around you, pulling you back into his chest.

You placed your hands on his, turning around to tuck your head under his chin, closing your eyes.

You slept until the early morning light filtered through the curtains, and you got up to find Daryl getting ready for the day.

He was sat on the bed, and you sat behind him, resting your head on his back, running a finger along the scars on his skin.

“Where you going?”

“AJ wants to go help build houses.”

You laughed a little bit.

“Course he does. Are you taking him?”

Daryl hummed a little bit, and you let him leant back against your chest.

“Alright, I’ll come find you guys soon.”

He turned his head so he could kiss you before getting up, grabbing his shirt as he pulled it on then grabbed his jacket.

You got ready for the day and made your way outside, heading over to the gate to speak to Eugine.

“We got some movement nearby, I count only a couple walkers.”

You nodded your head, placing a hand on the hilt of your sword.

“Go find Aaron or Gabriel, we’ll go out and clear them. Check the traps while we’re out there.”

He jogged away and you stood there waiting, listening to the sounds of the walkers outside the gate.

“(Y/N)!”

You turned around, looking as Rossi, Garcia and Reid came over.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Are you going out? Is that safe?” Garcia frowned.

“We got some walkers outside the gate, gonna clear them.”

“You aren’t going to just let them pass?” Rossi asked.

You shook your head.

“We’ve got people and coming most days, we need the gate cleared, and if we leave them they could pile up and we don’t need that again.”

“Again?” Reid asked.

“A while back we had a massive horde pile up, they knocked down the wall and got in, we lost a lot of good people that day.”

You gestured for them to follow you, and you showed them the names on the wall.

“Everybody we lost.”

“That’s a lot of names…” Garica whispered.

“Yeah..”

You turned back to the gate, finding Aaron and Gabriel there waiting for you.

“Look, I’ll be back soon. There’s a lookout spot by the gate, Eugine will show you it.”

You jogged away, leaving the safety of the community to deal with the walkers nearby.

You had to dispose of the bodies as well which took some time, but eventually you made your way back inside.

Putting your sword away, you made your way to the far side of the community.

Everybody was there, either helping or just watching as the houses were being built, and you dropped yourself between JJ and Emily.

“Mama!”

You felt a pair of arms wrap around your neck and AJ climb on to your back, and you smiled softly while Garcia, Reid, Emily, JJ looked at you in shock.

“Hey sweetheart, come here.”

You held your arm out and he sat in your lap.

“I want you to meet some friends of mine, from the old world. This is Emily, JJ, Spence, and Garcia.”

He waved at them all, moving to sit in the middle of everybody.

“Hi! I’m AJ!”

AJ rummaged through his pocket, pulling out a photo, and he looked at it, looking between them all.

“Mama tells me about you!” He beamed.

“Aw he’s so cute! I just wanna hug him!” Garcia gushed.

At the mention of a hug AJ looked at you excitedly and you nodded, letting him shove the photo back into his pocket to get up and run and Garcia.

She laughed loudly, holding him tightly.

“How old is he?” Reid asked.

“Honestly we’ve lost track of time now, but he’ll be 5 in the winter. He loves to celebrate his birthday when the first snow of the year falls.”

“He’s so cute, it’s amazing you’ve gotten through all of this with him.” Emily smiled.

“We’ve seen a few kids around, I can’t believe there’s so many. How do you guys keep them safe?” JJ asked.

“Everyone in the communities look out for each other, we protect each other. We teach them everything they need to know so they’re not scared. Teach them how to fight.”

They nodded their heads, and you could see Garica looking at your face.

“What happened?” She asked softly.

You sighed softly, bringing a hand up to touch your eye, the bandage around it, looking at the ground.

“I was stabbed, a long time ago.”

You explained the story to them of the saviours, the person who had stabbed you, what happened to the saviours and about your eye.

You did leave some things out, some things they didn’t need to know and it wasn’t your story to tell.

While you were talking AJ was moving from person to person, sitting with them all.

You finally finished talking, and Garcia was the first to come crushing you in a hug.

“That’s horrible! I can’t believe you went through all of that…” she whispered.

You smiled, placing a hand on her back.

“It’s alright, we always come out on top.”

The other three hugged you as well, and AJ happily joined the hug.

Everybody pulled away, and you sighed a little bit, looking out the house where Rossi, Hotch and Derek were helping with the building.

“Sorry guys, I need to speak to Hotch.”

You got up, and held your hand out for AJ who held it and followed you as you walked over.

“Hey Hotch, can we talk?”

He stopped what he was doing and nodded, stepping away so he could follow you to the side, and you stood just to the side.

“Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Hotch asked.

He went to reach up, and you placed your hand on his, lowering it back to the side.

You never missed the sad look on his face when you did this, and you had to look away, looking at AJ who was playing on the grass.

“I uh.. do you remember when I said I had something to tell you after I got back from my trip?”

He nodded his head.

“Yes, you said it had to be in person.”

You smiled a little.

“Yeah, it was a good thing. Hell, the best thing to ever happen really.”

You saw him furrow his brows a little bit.

“You have a right to know that AJ is your son Aaron, his name is Aaron Junior, I named him after you shortly after I gave birth because I didn’t want to forget you. He knows about you, he knows about everybody from the BAU.”

Hotch’s eyes widened a little bit.

“He’s.. he’s mine..?”

“Yeah… I don’t think it’s clicked yet to him as to who you are. But he’s yours, and I told him all about you, everything I could remember.”

“We.. you and I… we had a son…? Jack has a brother…”

Hotch rushed forward to hug you tightly, and you pat his back a few times before you moved away.

You smiled, walking over to AJ and you gestured for Hotch to crouch down next to you, and he did.

“Hey sweetheart?”

AJ looked up, setting his tennis ball on the ground.

“Do you remember when I was telling you about who your dad was?”

He nodded his head.

“I like the stories about my dad. Are you going to tell another?”

“How about you ask your dad for some stories? This is Aaron, he’s your dad buddy, and he’s really excited to meet you.”

AJ stared at Hotch, and then he got up to hug him, and Hotch held him tightly.

You smiled softly, and stood up, walking over to the BAU who were watching the scene, Jacks aunt brining him to run over to his dad and brother.

“I can’t believe you two had a baby!” Garcia squealed.

“We all knew it was a matter of time. Congratulations.” Rossi smiled.

They all congratulated you, and you smiled at them all.

“So, does this mean you and boss man will pick it back up? Carry on?” Derek asked.

You sighed a little bit, shaking your head.

“I’ll admit I was devastated when I thought I’d lost you all, I never wanted to move on, but it’s been so long since then.”

They all looked at you.

“You found somebody.” Emily noted.

You nodded, smiling a little bit.

“Yeah… he’s a pain in my ass, he’s stubborn as fuck, and rude at the best of times. But god he’s amazing though, he cares, and he always looks out for us, when food was scarce he would always make sure we were fed first. He wasn’t used to relationships so it took a while to get used to. Then when I was recovering with my eye, he spent weeks looking after AJ.”

“The guy from the other day?” JJ asked.

“Oh! The one with the one with the jacket?” Garcia grinned.

You laughed a little, nodding your head.

You looked around trying to find Daryl, and finally you did.

He was walking over with Carol who was holding a tub of biscuits, and he took one of the biscuits.

“Hey kid.”

AJ and Jack looked up, and Daryl grabbed another biscuit, giving them to the boys.

While AJ grinned and latched on to Daryl, Jack looked at his dad a little unsure.

“Get off you animal! Eat ya food!”

AJ laughed a little bit as Daryl tried to walk away.

Walking over, you swept AJ into your arms and he giggled as he ate his biscuit, and you went to walk away.

Daryl grabbed you by the back of the shirt and pulled you back.

“Hey, you forgettin’ somethin’?”

You titled your head back to look at him, and he stared into your eyes.

You turned around, leaning up to kiss his cheek before you went to walk away again.

“No dumbass.”

Daryl grabbed you again, and this time he took your hand and handed you a biscuit.

You laughed a little, and this time he let you go, trailing behind you as you walked back over to everybody.

Hotch was holding Jack, and he looked between you and Daryl.

“Guys, this is my husband. Daryl.”

“Husband?!” JJ, Garcia and Derek yelled.

“You got a problem with that? Let’s go.” Daryl snapped.

You placed a hand on his chest.

“We’ve been married for about a year now, he’s a bit of a hot head but you’ll get used to that.”

Daryl mumbled something from behind you and you looked at him, turning your attention back to your team.

“You need to tell us everything.” Emily grinned.

You laughed a little bit, nodding your head in agreement, and you got ready to follow them.

“No. Doctors office.” Daryl said.

“Oh shit yeah, I need my bandage changed. I’ll come find you guys after.”

You turned around and followed Daryl, shoulder brushing against his, and you beamed a little as you looked up at him.

He glanced down at you.

“Were you jealous?”

“Shut up…”

You laughed a little bit.

You did enjoy winding him up, it was fun, but you would never take it too far.

Daryl glanced behind him, seeing Hotch just watching the pair of you leave, and he slipped his arm around you waist to pull you into his side just to let Hotch know that you were taken.

You were married to him, and he wasn’t about to let someone take away the best thing in his life

[televinita]

Books Read in 2023: The Why

That's right, just because it's much closer to 2025 than 2023 doesn't mean I can't still pull out this out! Mostly because I found in my Tumblr drafts that I had already done the work of putting the cover collages together, and what am I gonna do, waste that?

ANYWAY, BOILERPLATE EXPLANATION TIME: In a tradition I accidentally started for myself in 2016, at the end of the year I look back at my reading list and answer the question, why did you read this particular book? Books are arranged in chronological order of read date (unless it made more sense to put series books together), split into groups by target readership age, plus nonfiction at the end. As best I can tell, anyway; choosing between YA & middle grade for older books is often a trip. I'll toss in "how I heard of it" if I can still remember...

ADULT FICTION

(split into two parts because there are a lot)

Run Rose Run - Dolly Parton & James Patterson. 2022.

Half the promise of a companion album, half just because “girl runs away to become a country star” sounds like the only-slightly-older version of my beloved Somebody Everybody Listens To.

How I heard of it: a book blog

Treasure State - C.J. Box. 2022.

Read & enjoyed the whole Cassie DeWell series so far (this is #6).

The Pink House - Louise Platt Hauck. 1933. Family Matters - Louise Platt Hauck. 1934.

See this post.

These Silent Woods - Kimi Cunningham-Graham. 2021.

Recommended by a Goodreads friend + father-daughter bonds* + self-sufficient life off the grid. (*the PLAN was to picture Owen + Maisie but then this gifset from Big Sky happened)

The Siren of Sussex - Mimi Matthews. 2022.

The Belle of Belgrave Square - Mimi Matthews. 2022.

Don't know what Past Me was doing with the collage order here, but I read Belle first -- originally checked out because beautiful cover + horses + Beauty and the Beast retelling for the latter. But on this particular day? I started with the second one because I was on day 2 of my Tom Hiddleston Spiral and omg look who just so happens to have a romance on deck featuring a British love interest.

And then I cycled back to the first book, now even more enthusiastic about my plan to cast Dev Patel as the love interest.

How I heard of it: book blogs

The Santa Suit - Mary Kay Andrews. 2021.

Picked it up for the cute cover, and then the first page was so much like the start of Arnie and a House Full of Company (woman driving up with her pets to a beautiful but decidedly overgrown/neglected old house she’s about to move into) that I got immediately sucked in.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Twenty-One Truths About Love - Matthew Green. 2019.

List format, bookstore owner, and mainly: it’s so flippin’ rare to find books about married couples in love whose only conflict is external, let alone such books from the man’s perspective.

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

The Bookshop of Secrets - Mollie Rushmeyer. 2022.

Beautiful cover + MN setting + antiquarian bookshop + hunting for a lost local treasure??

How I heard of it: can't remember :[

A Different Blue - Amy Harmon. 2013.

A mostly-age-appropriate student/teacher romance which I have saved for a billion years to get the casting right, only to throw that plan to the wind when I decided I could use Hiddleston for this too (plan quickly abandoned as he does not fit at all beyond sharing a nationality)

How I heard of it: Goodreads, a full decade ago

This Bird Has Flown - Susanna Hoffs. 2023.

I MAY have been googling keywords trying to find a novel that reminded me of Hiddleswift, and instead I got a way better option for casting him in (this one worked beautifully).

The Escape - Lisa Harris. 2020.

Bought cheap at a book sale because thriller (marshalls hunting an escaped fugitive) in the woods/mountains!

A Thing of Beauty - Lisa Samson. 2018.

Thought it would be a romance plus an element of cleaning out a hoarder’s house. "Former child star" sounded cool too.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Love For Beginners - Jill Shalvis. 2021.

Bought cheap because beautiful cover + a summery romance including dogs.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Bellman & Black - Diane Setterfield. 2013.

Jack Davenport narrates the audiobook and literally no other reasons.

How I heard of it: Libby (the app)

Smothered - Autumn Chiklis. 2018.

It me! (I’ve never seen another book about a college grad who immediately moves back home with her parents and struggles to find a job.)

How I heard of it: Dollar store

Doctor Who: Autonomy - Daniel Blythe. 2009.

Tie-in novels featuring Ten are always quick/fun/easy fare, and this one is set in a mall (!), but mostly, the audiobook is narrated by Georgia Tennant.

How I heard of it: Libby

Something Wilder - Christina Lauren. 2022.

A romance featuring an overnight trip on horseback AND searching for treasure?? Sold.

How I heard of it: Book blogs or YouTube

Famous For a Living - Melissa Ferguson. 2023.

A romance featuring an Instagram Influencer detoxing (fleeing the backlash of a scandal) via a job in a National Park? Sign me all the way up.

How I heard of it: Once Upon a Book Club

Dr. Laurie's Conquest - Berta LaVan Barker. 1980.

Bought cheap because romance about a vet, w/ specific mention of a horse. Read now for the Mount TBR challenge because it’s short.

How I heard of it: Goodwill

Something Wild & Wonderful - Anita Kelly. 2023.

Pacific Crest Trail = hiking inspiration! (and a side of romance never hurts)

How I heard of it: a book blog

Tin Camp Road - Ellen Airgood. 2021.

Loved her middle grade novels and wanted more of her writing; this plot looked more exciting than her adult debut.

How I heard of it: Goodreads/author's back catalog

The Grim Reader - Kate Carlisle. 2020.

Cute cover, and cozy mysteries make great audiobooks, especially when book-centric.

How I heard of it: Goodwill

Lady Sunshine - Amy Mason Doan. 2021.

Beautiful cover, I loved her debut, 70s music scene in one timeline, and inheriting an estate in the other? Sold.

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

The Small Room - May Sarton. 1961.

Small, compact size + an intriguing setting and premise perfect for the fall season (young English instructor’s first teaching job at a New England liberal arts college; the publication date added to the intrigue).

How I heard of it: used book sale

The Study of Animal Languages - Lindsay Stern. 2019.

It is not very often you find novels about two college professors married to each other. Also, the title topic intrigued me.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Two Rogues Make a Right - Cat Sebastian. 2020.

Good Omens Season 2 briefly awoke the slash urge in me, and then this happened. Reviews calling this an indulgent, plotless pile of hurt/comfort fluff (positive) sealed the deal.

How I heard of it: Reddit

Home Before Dark - Riley Sager. 2020.

Hype convinced me to try one of his books; a woman restoring a supposedly haunted house definitely looked like the best one.

How I heard of it: book blogs, originally, I think

Lock Every Door - Riley Sager. 2019.

The House Across The Lake - Riley Sager. 2022.

I LOVED the above and immediately wanted more, and since the waitlist for his new one was too long I went for the next-best-sounding ones because they had the coolest settings (and THEN I was finally satiated for a while).

The Paris Apartment - Lucy Foley. 2022.

I had such a good time with Lock Every Door that obviously, it was time for another apartment mystery I’d been vaguely thinking about reading for a while, again due to its cool setting.

How I heard of it: book blogs

The Apartment - S.L. Grey. 2016.

When I searched the above in my library catalog, this title came up in relation. Absolutely I want to read a horror book set in a Paris apartment! (especially as the age difference between the MC and his wife maybe made me think about Michael Sheen & Anna. don’t judge me)

A Paris Apartment - Michelle Gable. 2014.

This ALSO came up in the search results and HELL YEAH I would like to read a novel based on one of the most fascinating news stories I’ve ever heard. (I actually had two options for this, but went with this one first because it seemed more literary; I wasn’t really in the mood for a romance)

Dead To Me - Cath Staincliffe. 2012. Bleed Like Me - Cath Staincliffe. 2013. Ruthless - Cath Staincliffe. 2014.

Catching up the Scott & Bailey TV series, learned they have tie-in novels?? IMMEDIATELY checked the first one out of my library and had such a good time with it that I rounded up the remaining ones ASAP.

How I heard of it: library catalog

The Good Turn - Dervla McTiernan. 2020.

Still in the mood for detective fiction from across the pond so time to finish out this trilogy.

When The Reckoning Comes - LaTanya McQueen. 2021.

This had some good reviews and I was intrigued by the prospect of a horror novel featuring a wedding at a haunted plantation. Maybe a mob of ghostly former slaves bringing a bloodbath? (no. it’s not that graphic. But it’s really good)

How I heard of it: a book blog

Plain Bad Heroines - Emily Danforth. 2020.

Her debut exceeded expectations so I was vaguely curious about this very different book, since she’s only published the two in over a decade, but my interest was solidified when I found an ARC copy with a promotional fake-newspaper insert inside. Wanted context for appreciating that.

How I heard of it: Goodreads/author's back catalog

Fair As A Star - Mimi Matthews. 2020.

Watching The Essex Serpent means I’m back on my stan train following a summer break, and what’s that? My new favorite romance author has one featuring a vicar?

How I heard of it: Goodreads/author's back catalog

You Look Something - Jessica Mehta. 2020.

Random library shelf pull because short read, interesting cover and premise (first-in-her-family college student, but written for an adult audience), and immediately intriguing writing style.

A Haunting on the Hill - Elizabeth Hand. 2023.

Cool cover + “officially licensed return to the setting of Shirley Jackson’s novel”?? The setting was the best part of that book so I hoped this would be the actually-scary version of what I wanted that one to be.

How I heard of it: ooh...can't remember if Goodreads, book blog or YouTube

Daughter of No Worlds - Carissa Broadbent. 2020. Children of Fallen Gods - Carissa Broadbent. 2021.

This random tumblr post about a series I'd never heard of before immediately sparked a vague hope to make this Loki/Sylvie-shaped; liked the first book enough to throw myself into the second, though I got burned out and have yet to finish the trilogy.

The Missing Treasures of Amy Ashton - Eleanor Ray. 2021.

“It's easier to love things than people. Things are safe. Things will never leave you.” I've never identified harder with a line from a book summary in my life.

How I heard of it: ...Goodreads? maybe? COME ON SELF this was literally only 10 months ago.

The Minuscule Mansion of Myra Malone - Audrey Burges. 2023.

A (magic) dollhouse and a 30-something reclusive blogger? It me! Add an implied romance with a guy who (somehow) owns the real-life version of the mansion and this sounds tailor-made for me.

How I heard of it: BookOutlet

Forgotten Trail - Claire Kells. 2023.

Read & enjoyed the first two in this National Parks mystery series, new November tradition unlocked.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Thornyhold - Mary Stewart. 1988.

Saw a cool illustration in a Readers Digest Condensed and wanted full context because I always love a Cool Mysterious Overgrown Inherited House.

How I heard of it: did I count this as "in another book" or "used book sale" when I made my graphs last year, I wonder.

The Last Ranger - Peter Heller. 2023.

I really like the way he writes both nature and men. (I also may have been fully immersed in my Jensen-Ackles-in-Big-Sky era.)

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

Just Like Magic - Sarah Hogle. 2022.

Loved her previous romance, and though skeptical about this one, I trusted the 5-star rec of a blogger with very similar reading tastes (she was CORRECT).

How I heard of it: a book blog

========

YOUNG ADULT / TEEN

(again broken into two segments because there are a lot)

The Little Woods - McCormick Templeman. 2012.

Bought cheap because pretty cover + boarding school murder mystery

How I heard of it: used-book section of Barnes & Noble

Lawless Spaces - Corey Ann Haydu. 2022.

Mostly the beautiful cover, a little bit the promise of stories from multiple generations of women in one family.

How I heard of it: book blog

Friends Like These - Jennifer Lynn Alvarez. 2022.

Loved her first YA thriller.

How I heard of it: Goodreads/author's back catalog

Scattered Showers: Stories - Rainbow Rowell. 2022.

I love her but not all of her writing styles; after waiting One Eternity (9 years) for more contemporary writing from her I did not hesitate.

How I heard of it: book blog

We Walked the Sky - Lisa Fiedler. 2019.

Dual timelines: one teen a circus performer, the other her granddaughter who’s just inherited a Box of Memorabilia?? Two things I adore.

How I heard of it: dollar store

Butterfly Yellow - Thanhhà Lại. 2019.

Mostly intrigued by the working-on-a-ranch aspect.

How I heard of it: book blog

Five Survive - Holly Jackson. 2022.

Liked the whole AGGGTM trilogy, was excited to try a different and more thriller-y flavor from her.

How I heard of it: book blogs or YouTube?

Texas Gothic - Rosemary Clement-Moore. 2011.

A google result while trying to find a lost book for someone, and: Ranch-sitting? Ghosts? Kitchen-witch type magic in an otherwise real-world setting? That beautiful cover? SOLD.

Maybe One Day - Melissa Kantor. 2014.

Cancer novel + best friends have both been reliable staples for me in YA.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Last Secret You'll Ever Keep - Laurie Faria Stolarz. 2021.

Sequel (or really companion novel) to a book that impressed me 2 years ago.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

If You Find Me - Emily Murdoch. 2013.

Intense curiosity about how a girl who'd been hidden away in a trailer in the woods with her little sister by their neglectful mom for almost a decade would cope with a return to society and her bio dad.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Coming Back Alive - Dennis J. Reader. 1981.

70s teens running away to live off the land is one of my favorite tropes.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Final Gambit - Jennifer Lynn Barnes. 2022.

Love this series!

A Wild Thing - Jean Renvoize. 1970.

Another 70s teen running away to live off the land. This time in Scotland!

How I heard of it: lost-book forum on either Reddit or Goodreads

Beloved Monster - Helen Markley Miller. 1968.

18-year-old girl inherits a sprawling mansion? LET’S GO! Especially if it’s also vintage.

How I heard of it: ooh, it's been 5+ years, can't remember. Maybe a Goodreads friend?

The Perfect Place to Die - Bryan Moore. 2019.

Oh I ABSOLUTELY want to read a YA novel set in Chicago’s infamous murder mansion.

How I heard of it: Goodreads (via a staff rec post)

Song of the Shaggy Canary - Phyllis Anderson Wood. 1974.

A slow-burn romance between a divorced teen mom and a 20-year-old recently discharged soldier? Sign me up.

How I heard of it: pretty sure it was one of the Speaking for Ourselves volumes.

Loki: Where Mischief Lies - Mackenzie Lee. 2019.

Step 1: watch the Loki series as a result of your newfound actor stanning + an influential gifset, fall in love with the character and the seemingly-canon ship.

Step 2: immediately google for YA novels with this dynamic.

Step 3: have officially licensed YA fanfic fall straight into your lap.

I Tell A Lie Every So Often - Bruce Clements. 1974.

Found at a book sale, vaguely wanted to read ever since reading an essay about it in Lost Masterworks of Young Adult Literature.

Losing Gabriel - Lurlene McDaniel. 2016. Somebody's Baby - Lurlene McDaniel. 2017.

Books 3 and 4 in a series I love that the library doesn’t have; I already owned the latter and was glad to be able to continue after buying the third at a book sale.

The Last Exit to Normal - Michael Harmon. 2008.

Got it in a blind bag and thought it would be interesting to read about a teen (in Montana!) coming to terms with his fairly-newly-out gay dad’s relationship. (narrator: it wasn’t)

Camper Girl - Glenn Erick Miller. 2020.

Inherited camper-van + road trip!

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Year of the Rat - Clare Furniss. 2014.

Bought cheap because unusual premise in YA (mom dies giving birth to second child) + pretty cover.

How I heard of it: used-book section of Barnes & Noble

You Look Different In Real Life - Jennifer Castle. 2013.

Needed an audiobook, unusual premise for YA (reality/documentary series checking in every 5 years with teens they first filmed in kindergarten).

How I heard of it: Libby

Thief of Happy Endings - Kristen Chandler. 2018.

Love this author, plus horses. Specifically, mustangs!

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Summer of Sloane - Erin L. Schneider. 2016.

Pretty cover and just looked like a solid, summery contemporary YA novel.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Lake House - Sarah Beth Durst. 2023.

WHAT IN THE AWESOME SPOOK COVER (also, stuck on an island with an obviously and very unexpectedly abandoned/destroyed summer camp?? Spoooook!)

How I heard of it: YouTube, and I even specifically remember where -- GabbyReads

The Foreseeable Future - Emily Adrian. 2018.

Beautiful cover + unusual post-grad life plans (working as a CNA instead of college) always interest me

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Don’t Slam The Door When You Go - Barbara Corcoran. 1972.

I love this author...and yes, we have yet another round of runaways trying to live off the land. :D But this time in a ghost town!

How I heard of it: OpenLibrary

The Last Beautiful Girl - Nina Laurin. 2021.

Beautiful cover + Influencer + creepy historic maybe-haunted house, sold.

How I heard of it: Barnes & Noble

The Island - Natasha Preston. 2023.

Reliable (if mid) genre author + an empty amusement park setting? also, Influencers being lured to creepy islands for Murder Reasons never gets old.

How I heard of it: YouTube

Mermaid Park - Beth Mayall. 2005.

A google result while looking for a lost book title, idea of a girl training as a “mermaid” swimmer at a theme park sounded intriguing.

Everything Beautiful Is Not Ruined - Danielle Younge-Ullman. 2017.

I’ll read basically anything you have about teens being sent to Wilderness Struggle therapy, so this was on my TBR, but was particularly motivated after reading Paris Hilton's memoir and not being able to (cheaply) get my hands on Sarah Stusek's book.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Body of Christopher Creed - Carol Plum-Ucci. 2000.

Loved her second novel, have been curious about this one due to its acclaim for a while and then I found it at a book sale – read quickly to send it on its way again.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Creep: A Love Story - Lygia Day Penaflor. 2022.

Teen girl rationalizes stalking to enhance the experience of shipping her very-accessible real-life OTP? Sounds like the less-legal, IRL form of what we do every day with our favorite celebrity couples on social media and I was curious to see it play out. A little bit because I also made personal celebrities out of some classmates in school, so I recognize the thrill of seeing them in person, though I did not stalk them.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Silver: Return to Treasure Island - Andrew Motion. 2012.

90% because the audiobook is narrated by David Tennant and for once it’s not part of an obnoxiously silly children’s series. 10% because adventure and treasure-hunting.

How I heard of it: Libby

Game Change - Joseph Monninger. 2017.

I like this author and have a soft spot for high school football (further enhanced by the football-player character on the new Goosebumps series).

How I heard of it: used book sale

The Unfinished Life of Addison Stone - Adele Griffin. 2014.

Mixed media formatting! Such a cool and unusual way to tell a narrative.

How I heard of it: I thiiink, many years ago, I was specifically googling for books with unusual formatting.

Heartwood Box - Ann Aguirre. 2019.

"When Araceli Flores Harper is sent to live with her great-aunt Ottilie in her ramshackle Victorian home--" literally sold. (combined with how it looked like a horror book w/ the possibility of ghosts)

How I heard of it: used book sale

Sunny Song Will Never Be Famous - Suzanne Park. 2021.

Cute cover and title, YouTuber in need of social media detox, FARM IN IOWA SETTING?? Sold.

How I heard of it: library browsing

Nobody Else Can Walk It For You - P.J. Petersen. 1982.

Found on the “free” cart shortly after hearing about it on Goodreads' lost-book forum and thinking it sounded like a cool thriller.

Dream to Me - Megan Paasch. 2023.

Haunting cover similar to my beloved Amelia Unabridged, sisters, inheriting a mildly creepy old house

How I heard of it: library browsing

These Things I've Done - Rebecca Phillips

Bought cheap at the dollar store for the girl-dating-late-best-friend’s-brother aspect (shared grief ftw!). Read now to confirm I could unhaul it.

=========

CHILDREN'S / MIDDLE GRADE

Survival Strategies of the Almost Brave - Jen White. 2015.

Bought cheap at the dollar store because cool cover + sisters fending for themselves when abandoned by dad.

Polo Cowboy - G. Neri. 2021.

Sequel to a surprising hit I read last year.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Diddakoi - Rumer Godden. 1972.

Recommended by a Goodreads friend because horse! + Traveler girl + reliable classic author.

Stella - McCall Hoyle. 2021. Just Gus - McCall Hoyle. 2023.

Dog book! recommended by a Goodreads friend. Loved it so much I read the companion novel ASAP.

Grand National - John R. Tunis. 1973.

Bought cheap at Goodwill because vintage horse book; read now to see if I could get rid of it (yes).

Running Out of Time - Margaret Peterson Haddix. 1995. Falling Out of Time - Margaret Peterson Haddix. 2023.

Reread of a childhood classic in anticipation of the new sequel.

Ten Miles Past Normal - Frances O'Roark Dowell. 2011.

I wanted to read about a girl growing up on a goat farm.

How I heard of it: OpenLibrary

Sweet Home Alaska - Carole Etsby Dagg. 2016.

I liked her previous book and was excited to learn about another part of American history that was new to me.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Thornbush Jungle - Rutherford G. Montgomery. 1966.

I will read anything he writes about animals.

How I heard of it: antiquarian bookstore

Maisie Lockwood Adventures no. 2: The Yosemite Six - Tess Sharpe. 2022.

Loved the first book, finally bought the second when I couldn't borrow it from anywhere.

The Eagle's Shadow - Nora Martin. 1997.

Reminded me of my favorite childhood movie, Journey to Spirit Island (at least in terms of setting and a similar culture).

How I heard of it: used book sale

Lila and Hadley - Kody Keplinger. 2020.

Girl + dog story, with a photographic cover (is the only thing that overcame my author grudge).

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Me, The Beef and the Bum - Charles Hammer. 1984.

50% funny title, 50% I love cows

How I heard of it: a book about teen books

Sardines - Sashi Kaufman. 2022.

Pleasantly surprised by her ability to write boys in YA, waited a million years for a third release from her (even if it was middle grade).

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Vandals of Treason House - Nancy Veglahn. 1974.

Vintage book about cleaning up & learning about a historic house? Neato.

How I heard of it: Goodreads/lost book forum

Sire Unknown - Marjorie Reynolds. 1968.

“Read because…” Vintage horse book, next question. (as to why I read it NOW, working on the Mount TBR challenge and randomly pulled this from the shelf)

How I heard of it: used book sale

The Explorer - Katherine Rundell. 2017.

Liked a previous book of hers, always love “crashed and got lost in the jungle” stories.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Gallery - Laura Marx Fitzgerald. 2016.

STUNNING cover + excited to read about a girl working as a maid in a fancy 1920s mansion

How I heard of it: a book blog

NONFICTION

A $500 House in Detroit: Rebuilding an Abandoned Home and an American City - Drew Philp. 2019.

Available audiobook + always interested in old-house renovation.

How I heard of it: Libby

Wildflower - Drew Barrymore. 2015.

A People magazine cover story on her reminded me I had meant to read this, since she’s always been a favorite actress.

How I heard of it: ONTD

The Zoo on the Road to Nablus - Amelia Thomas. 2008.

Bought cheap because beautiful cover + always interested in reading about specific zoos, especially those affected by war in the Middle East.

How I heard of it: used-book section of Barnes & Noble

Gizelle's Bucket List: My Life With a Very Large Dog - Lauren Fern Watt. 2017.

Reminded me of Boomer’s Bucket List, but also I will read most pet memoirs

How I heard of it: Goodreads

My Bookstore - ed. Ronald Rice. 2012.

What could be better than a bunch of authors writing short essays about their favorite bookstore?

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Animals Welcome - Peg Kehret. 2012.

Who can say no to a short memoir aimed at kids about animal rescue, especially by a prolific children’s book author from my youth.

How I heard of it: used book sale

Open Book - Jessica Simpson. 2020.

I’ve always liked her despite not knowing much about her work; seeing this at Goodwill finally inspired a read.

How I heard of it: ONTD

The House of Spirits and Whispers - Annie Wilder. 2005.

Saw it at a garage sale, definitely here for a spooky haunted house of relatively local interest.

The Actor's Life: A Survival Guide - Jenna Fischer. 2017.

I LOVE HER.

How I heard of it: ...hm, can't remember! maybe ONTD, maybe just Office fandom in general?

This Is Not a Pity Memoir - Abi Morgan. 2022.

While in another acute round of stanning Mr. & Mrs. Tennant via the latter's social media, I was trying to figure out what kind of novel would most satisfyingly represent the vibes of their relationship and concluded it’s not the falling in love so much with them as it is the steadfast endurance, so maybe hurt/comfort in the form of illness? A bit of googling later and this was so wildly, absurdly on the nose despite being nonfiction (a British actor and a wife on the writing/production side of the industry, with kids) that I had to read it immediately.

Paris: The Memoir - Paris Hilton. 2023.

I don’t have strong feelings about her as a person, so I was mostly just curious – especially the part about being sent to abusive juvenile behavioral rehab facilities, a topic I’ve always found fascinating.

How I heard of it: ONTD

The Writer's Tale: The Final Chapter - Russell T. Davies & Benjamin Cook. 2010 edition.

Good Omens sends me directly into a Doctor Who renaissance, time to finally read this tome I’ve been saving since the last time that happened! (four years ago) This is the only era of Doctor Who I care about so the more detail, the better.

How I heard of it: Half Price Books. Like back when it was relatively new, and I was a fool who didn't get it because it was pricey.

The Last Bookseller: A Life in the Rare Book Trade - Gary Goodman. 2021.

The subject latter alone would have gotten my attention, but this was actually my favorite bookstore until it closed.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Lessons from Tara: Life Advice from the World’s Most Brilliant Dog - Andy Rosenfelt. 2015.

Read & loved his first book about big fluffy rescue dogs, wanted more. Read now because a Goodreads friend just read it and reminded me of that fact.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Office BFFs - Jenna Fischer & Angela Kinsey. 2022.

I LOVE THEM AND THEIR FRIENDSHIP AND THEIR PODCAST.

She Memes Well - Quinta Brunson. 2021.

Love Abbott Elementary; had completely forgotten this existed until I was looking at Goodreads Choice Awards nominees of years past and then read on a whim.

Tell Me Everything - Minka Kelly. 2023.

Speaking of things I found out about via Goodreads Choice, I don’t know much about her as a person, but she’s really pretty and this sounded compelling and harrowing.

Sold to the Lady in the Green Hat - Emma Bailey. 1962.

I love auctions (well, estate sales, but same principle), I love old books, and I LOVED the illustrations and charming humor of vintage domestic memoirs I saw immediately at a glance.

How I heard of it: sale corner of the library

The Woman in Me - Britney Spears. 2023.

Mild curiosity due to inescapable hype, but mostly just determination to publicly confirm it wasn’t any better than her sister’s book, which I read the year before.

How I heard of it: ONTD

=========

Whew!! Done. I'd like to tell you and myself that I'm keeping up with 2024's log, but I actually got bogged down in trying to log every detail (cover thoughts, where it's set, why I was drawn to it, why I read it now, where I got it from), and burned out around early June because this is also the year I'm going to read 200 books apparently.

And this post already feels pretty messy. So. I guess we'll just see if it is in fact the last one or not..

[pastramimommy]

2022 Reflection

I achieved more this year than I initially realized! This time last year, I was starting SSRI’s, going to therapy, testing my relationships with alcohol and on the precipice of a new job, having to make all new friends. 

I graduated from therapy, successfully weaned myself off my meds and genuinely did not feel the crippling anxiety I did before, even throughout my first year working as a nurse. My focus on self compassion also made this experience all the more easier. I do not feel the same fear I used to from day to day, from driving to socializing, my baseline for tolerating stress is higher. Not sure if this was the meds showing me what it looked like to feel normal, but idk what else it could be! lol

As previously mentioned, I’ve almost completed what’s known to be the hardest year of every nurse’s career, and I feel fucking good. I am confident in my abilities and am at the point where I am about to start precepting students. Yes, I still feel like I know nothing, but I don’t let that stop me. I’ve met so many incredible friends through work and I definitely feel like I’ve maintained a solid social life despite transitioning into having a job. I put a lot of effort into nurturing new relationships, while trying to maintain the old. I still very much struggled with responding to people and being complacent in group chats. But, now that I have some money I was able to travel to visit loved ones. I did a good amount of domestic traveling (Seattle, Houston, San Francisco, Atlanta, Charleston, Nashville, Washington DC, Charlottesville). 

My relationship with my mom came back even stronger after I ruined New Years last year, and we actually talked on the phone even more consistently than before. I tried to talk to my siblings but they just suck at communicating so much it gets too frustrating.

I did a really awesome job going out of my way to try new things. Salsa, bachata, Krav Maga, pole dancing. All out of my comfort zone, and I loved every minute of it and met amazing people along the way. I have not been consistent with a single one of these things because either the business closed down or the location is too far, but considering the circumstances, I feel okay about it lol. I tried so many times to get in contact with organization I wanted to volunteer at so I’ll have to re-evaluate that for the next year. I started doing a few other caregiver gigs, but I think I bit off a little more than I could chew. Very weak on the concerts this year, but the ones I did attend were extra special (Armnhmr, Wale, Kehlani). 

Habits! I was very consistent with exercising in some capacity most days of the week. I know that I am still capable of running at least 6 miles, but I would like to be able to do a half marathon. I wasn’t lifting very heavy, but I was lifting consistently! I beefed up my stretching routine and do that as often as I can. I’ve been working my way towards my goal of doing a pull up and the splits. My diet generally has been very good, and I cook all of my non-social meals. I could improve on the snacks, I know I eat way more than someone my size needs to. My cooking game continues to improve and I have been very proactive about trying new recipes. Definitely could floss more, per my 2 new cavities :( 

My spiritual growth was probably the weakest point for me this past year, BUT I consistently streamed church every week that I was not working and that is lowkey a huge (and surprising) development. I still struggle to fully get into the message but I may need to change my approach. I think I just have to be more okay with accepting the sermon for its broader messages rather than the explicit beliefs and evangelicalism that I disagree with. We’ll see how that goes lol.

On a romantic level, Chris and I could not be stronger. We have had some turbulence this year, but I would consider it a healthy amount and we did a good job learning from it and incorporating what we learned moving forward. This being the longest relationship I’ve been in to date, there are a lot of new adjustments I’ve realized I have to make. I have to put in a lot more work to meet him halfway than I ever really tried to, but I really want to because he is worth it. Adjusting my communication style, continuously trying to go above and beyond so we don’t get too comfy, choosing my battles, holding myself accountable for improving the things I say I am going to. I really do grow deeper and deeper in love with this man every freakin day. We started doing monthly check ins, which has been really great. We are very intentional with our time together, trying new things. Even the sex gets better over time, because we learn each other better and have a healthy space for feedback and suggestions. Both of us have noticed a barrier I have when it comes to feeling sexy and that is already something I’ve started to work on, only opening up even more potential for intimacy! 

I can’t tell if I’m just in a good mood or if 2022 was actually just that good! haha I’m so proud of myself for everything I’ve accomplished and for how consistently I worked towards being the best version of myself while still being gentle with myself when I fell short.

[valentimmy]

i feel like shit these days lmfao.

[scribbling-dragon]

Adaptive Nature Masterpost

This fic is complete! Started on 07/07/22 and completed on 14/02/23 - I hope you enjoy/enjoyed it!

(AO3 Link)

(total word count: 115,941)

Chapter 1

Summary:

It’s mesmerising, following the fluid lines of the sculpture from the neck to the tail, each detail so delicately carved and shaped it’s impossible to imagine that it’s been carved from stone.

He’s reached a hand out before he knows it, stroking one finger carefully along the raised spines of the dragon, along its back. It’s warm beneath his hand, despite all the stone around him being cold. It’s definitely some kind of stone though, maybe a refined obsidian of some kind? It seems to swallow the light around it completely.

His finger is warm where he is touching the statue.

---

Or, the mesa changes, and Jimmy changes with it

Chapter 2

Summary:

The stretch of sand ends about a hundred feet in front of them, stretching up in a sheer wall of rock and clay, blocking them off completely. There’s no exit, he’s just ended up in a larger version of the fishbowl. He continues to guide Arrow forward, towards the place he had felt pulled towards, breaking into a slow trot when it seems to be taking too long.

There’s something in the sand. Half-buried, just a corner of a massive structure sticking out.

Chapter 3

Summary:

“Yeah.” He nods, “Yeah, you still owe me a story, after all.”

“I do?” Pixl pauses in splitting the orange, directly down the centre, to look at him.

“The stag brothers.”

Pixl hands him his half of the orange with a sigh, disturbing the small lantern and causing the flame inside to flicker with the movement. “I told you that’s not my speciality.”

Chapter 4

Summary:

Pixl is at the settlement when he stumbles out of his tent the next morning, squinting and holding a hand up to block the sun out. He stands just beyond the group of tents, on the outskirts of the settlement. Pixl looks up as he emerges, raising a hand and waving it, just slightly.

He makes his way over, trying to ignore the pulsing pain in his head. He really needs to start drinking more water, apparently. The sun isn't helping either, in its state of fiery abomination hanging low in the sky. It’s just low enough to be shining in his eyes at all times, no matter where he looks.

Chapter 5

Summary:

“What was it in that cave?” He asks, directing Arrow between two tents and towards the shelter they've been staying under. “I've never seen anything like…that before.”

“I…” Pixl trails off, “I don't know?” He sounds worried, and that worries him, his heart beating a little harder as he dismounts. The shocks travel up his legs a little more harshly than before, knocking around inside his bones. It’s an unpleasant feeling, and he has to shake his legs out to get rid of it completely. “I have an idea of what it might be,” Pixl continues, slipping off of Bullseye more than dismounting and taking a moment to find his balance again, “But I'm probably going to consult anyone before anything- I told you about him? The friend on the exploration team?”

Chapter 6

Summary:

“Pixl!” Someone yells, shattering the peace of the library into several fragments. Some of the people hunched over desks near them glance upwards with a glare for him, eyes narrowing at him. He smiles apologetically, but it’s a lot more strained than he would have hoped and they continue to glare at him anyway.

“Over here,” Pixl nudges him as he walks past, and he follows, eyes trailing over the books, reading the small signs at the end of each row as they walk past them. Age of Gods I, Age of Gods II, Age of Corruption I, Age of Corruption II and Age of Corruption III. They pass a few on the Age of Empires, going up to at least XX, which…is a lot more than he would have expected from a civilization of over a thousand years ago.

There’s a man sat at a desk waiting for them, books and scrolls scattered across the table until he can hardly see the wood below. He perks up when he sees them, grinning a little more, tail flicking behind him as he leans forward. “Pixl!”

Chapter 7

Summary:

“This one too!” Tango yells, dropping a book down towards him from where he’s hanging off the shelves, climbing halfway up them to reach the ones he wants rather than using the ladder less than a few feet away.

It’s amusing to watch anyway, and probably the reason Tango chose him for this little adventure rather than Pixl. He jumps as Tango lands beside him, springing back up and hardly making a sound as he looks over the books he’s holding.

“This is why I brought you along,” Tango pats him on the arm, hand lingering for a moment as he continues to look at the books, “Pixl would be complaining the whole time, ‘oh Tango’,” he puts on a really bad impression of Pixl, “‘My arms hurt Tango, why couldn't you have brought that really strong Sheriff with you instead?’”

Chapter 8

Pixl doesn't say anything, mouth set in a firm line as he obviously disapproves of his decision. But he doesn't say anything, and he takes the victory, leaning back and releasing his hold on the chair, turning away. Pixl doesn't protest, but he doesn't need to in the end as Tango grabs his wrist, preventing him from walking away.

His hand is warm, positively radiating heat, and it does more to stop him than the admittedly loose grip around his wrist does. Tango’s barely holding him in place but he stops anyway, turning to face Tango. “Just stay the night, yeah?” Tango smiles at him, “It’ll save us all a bit of worry.” His eyes are almost pleading, shining in the flickering light of the dining hall. He can almost ignore how empty and ominous it is around them if Tango looks at him like that.

Chapter 9

“Of course I've got a med kit, Pix.” Tango rolls his eyes, shooting him a look, “Honestly, you forget it one time and suddenly you're the most irresponsible person out there.”

“One of the interns cried.” Pixl adds, running a hand down the bannister as they descend the steps. He feels his legs click with each step down, knees popping uncomfortably until they're back on level ground again. “And you had to go to the infirmary for several days.”

“So I paid for my mistakes,” Tango waves Pixl off, “I came out of it better though! And it’s not like I suffered any long-lasting effects from it.” He grins, tail flicking back and forth, and a lot more cheery than he would have expected anyone to be when talking about apparent near-death experiences.

Chapter 10

“It’s getting dark,” he says, deciding to break the tension that’s steadily growing between the two before they start fighting or something stupid like that, “I'm sure we can accommodate two more people for the night, especially now that I have a house. Apparently.”

He watches as Tango looks over at Pixl, narrowing his eyes at the other’s turned back before mounting Bullseye in one fluid movement. “You haven't got a bed,” Tango responds, watching with narrowed eyes as he mounts Arrow, ear flicking back as he adjusts his seat in the saddle. “And,” Tango’s eyes slide towards Pixl, “I'm sure there’s some things we need to be doing at the guild, right?” His voice is just a little too pointed for it to be anything but a request, watching Pixl carefully.

“I think we can stay the night in Tumble Town,” Pixl responds, and it feels like they're not actually talking to him as Pixl’s voice turns equally pointed, mounting Mist much more successfully than earlier, before turning to look at Tango a moment later.

Chapter 11

He sees the letters, perched on the very edge of his makeshift desk, and almost immediately wishes he hadn't. He turns away from them pointedly, staring at the other side of the room and willing himself to forget about them.

It doesn't work, obviously, and the thought of the letters lingers at the edge of his mind, nudging at him until he turns his head, glaring at where they balance, atop the pile of various other pieces of paperwork. He’s not sure which he hates more.

Chapter 12

“It’s ridiculous.” He doesn't care about the way his voice rises, nor about the way his chair screeches as he pushes it back. He ignores the eyes that turn towards them, glaring at him with the accusation of disturbing the peace within the library.

Chapter 13

Dawn is brighter than he expected. Which maybe shouldn't be something he had expected seeing as the place is called Dawn. The bright yellows, oranges and hints of pink were probably something he should have expected, or at least considered.

Chapter 14

"So," Tango starts, and he's shuffling in his seat, making the rickety wood groan as they look at each other from across the table, "Maybe we didn't explain everything particularly well last time. And!" Tango raises his voice before he can even consider laughing at the understatement. "I reconsidered and prepared. So I came with a few notes."

Chapter 15

The first thing he registers when he wakes is that his legs are still numb and that they ache in ways he didn't realise they could ache.

The second is that he can hear someone breathing.

The third is that something incredibly warm is wrapped around him, swaddling him in its all-encompassing warmth.

The fourth, and final, thing he notices is that Tango is the one breathing in his ear, and that Tango is also the one currently wrapped around him like a limpet. And also, his legs still ache, thrumming with numbness that warns of the incoming pain of pins and needles.

Chapter 16

“Come now, I'm not about to attack you two. It’d be bad for business.” He shakes his head again. “Can you even imagine the scandal? Ruler of Chromia gets into a scrap with two important figures from other empires in his own bar. It’d be disgraceful.”

“Wouldn't be the first time you've had a fight here.”

“No.” Scott levels Tango with a stare. “But you and I both know those ones deserved it.”

Chapter 17

When they arrive back in Tumble Town, there is someone waiting for  them. Pixl stands beside the stables, arms crossed and foot tapping  against the ground as he watches them approach. He looks every bit the  image of a disappointed parent watching a child return home after  missing curfew.

“You were  meant to return yesterday,” Pixl says, arms still folded across his  chest. “I understood that you might have been delayed and remained  elsewhere overnight, but I expected you back by midday today at the latest.”

“I understand,” Tango dismounts. “But we got caught up elsewhere-”

“In Chromia.” Pixl says. “I know.”

Chapter 18

Pixl leaves in the morning. Alone.

It is a pale morning, bordering on cold for the mesa. There is a wind ruffling the sands and sending the individual grains bouncing. These grains batter his legs and the sides of the houses as he and Tango stand, together, and watch Pixl leave.

Pixl guides his horse upwards and out of the fishbowl. The sound of the horse’s hooves echoes around, loud in the silence. Alyssa stands across the street from him, watching Pixl’s retreat too. Pixl pauses at the top, turning back to face them before waving. He waves back jerkily, swallowing down the anxiety that threatens to crawl up his throat. Alyssa looks at him, then, away from Pixl. She stares for a moment, before smiling, and turning to retreat back inside.

Chapter 19

“There is one place.” Tango says, tugging on his reins a little. His horse takes a step backwards, a little closer to him and Arrow. “Granted, we may be greeted with hostility, but it will be hostility of the usual kind rather than a supernatural variety.”

“Mysterious is not a good look on you.”

“I'm hardly being mysterious, though the person we’re going to meet is rather shrouded in mystery.” Tango nudges his horse around, until they're facing a little further north than before. If they continue going in this direction, in a mostly straight line with a little adjustment for any obstacles that may appear in their way then…

“Oh.” He’s a little surprised by Tango’s decision, hurrying to follow as Tango breaks into a gentle trot. It’s far more relaxed than their previous mad dash across the darkened land, set on simply getting as far away from the mesa as quickly as they could. The sun continues to rise, beginning to bathe the land in a warmth that will take several hours longer to actually begin settling in the air. “He would not have been my first choice.”

Chapter 20

"Right, full offense, but that is the worst, possibly the most horrendous, plan I've ever had the misfortune of bearing witness to." Scott snorts a laugh, tipping back slightly in his chair. It wobbles, balancing in the thin line of slamming forward or slamming backwards. He's not sure who he needs to pay to see the latter, but there's some part of him that would love to see Scott flat on his back.

Tango is eyeing him like he's about to shove the chair over, Scott and all, so maybe that's who he should pay to see that come to life.

"Do you have a better idea then?" He asks. Scott frowns at him, chair legs thumping against the ground as he lowers it back down, all four legs firmly on the floor once more. Unfortunate. He was beginning to debate the merits of pushing it over himself. "We're open to suggestions."

Chapter 21

And as all sparks burst into flame, so too must they die out.  

[bottoms-movie]

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

AU

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.

[ragingbookdragon]

Love Bites (But So Do I) PT. 2

Justice League x Reader One-shot

Word Count: 2.3K Warnings: Explicit Language

Author's Note: Aye, we're back with another Skyrim!Reader fic! Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

It’d been close to a year since she’d joined the Justice League, and though the original members were a tightknit group, they’d welcomed her with open arms. Some of them were still wary about her, but for the most part, she was doing well within their ranks, especially when it came to being around Bruce or Hal. Given her longevity, she’d seen men like them before, known how to get along with them. Bruce she could meet on equal footing, Hal was simply a man that had to be shown who was in charge; it didn’t take much to make Hal crack under her authority, and in mere days, she had him wrapped around her fingers—Bruce too, but he’d never outright admit it to her face, or anyone else’s, even if a gun was put to his head.

She didn’t particularly fight much when they went on missions, preferring to be backup as well as their combat medic, a job she did well. She’d sewn up most of them without a blink of an eye, and while the first time she sewed Bruce’s wounds up, Clark and Diana stood beside to watch in case she tried to feed, they quickly learned, not only through her own comment but also his, that she wasn’t going to harm anyone.

Barry liked her. Or at least he enjoyed speaking with her. He found her ten thousand years of experience interesting, the history of her life, the survival of it. They’d spent hours talking about the past, hers and his from going back in time often. She enjoyed puzzling the poor scientist with magic. Barry wasn’t one to follow the whole “It’s magic” sermon; he wanted scientific evidence, hypothesis and experiments to prove how sparks, fire, and frost flowed from her fingertips like water. How natural it was for her as if it were like breathing.

She liked Barry. Liked to help him through personal issues. Her many years had given her experience in most subjects of life. Spurned lovers, betrayal of friends, death, life, all of it. There wasn’t anything she couldn’t help with, the League had come to find out. Sometimes, she even helped, and she didn’t even realize it.

***

It was one of the routine meetings for the month; she sat next between Diana and Hal, trying to focus on the words coming out of Bruce’s mouth but all she could hear was the quiet rumbling coming beneath them. What was she hearing? A broken pipe in the ceiling? Air hissing from a crack in a window, perhaps? No, it seemed to be coming from the table. But what was it? Nothing was shaking the foundation. What—

“(Y/N), is something wrong?”

She cocked her head up, realizing she’d pressed her face to the table in hopes she could listen closer to the noise; clearing her throat, she felt the eyes of the group on her. “Apologies,” she excused. “There’s…there is something I keep hearing under your voice. It’s…distracting.”

Her eyes found Clark’s. “Listen for a moment and see if you can hear it.”

They waited, everyone holding their breath, and when the rumbling came again, her eyes widened. “See! That! What is that!”

Clark held his hand up to say wait and she fell silent, letting him listen of for a few more moments, and then he cracked a smile and laughed.

“What? Why are you laughing?” she questioned. “What is it?”

“It’s Barry’s stomach,” he chuckled, nodding at the Speedster who suddenly flushed.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know you guys could hear it.” He laughed nervously. “It’s past my usual snack time so I’m really hungry.”

“I’ve got you,” Hal replied, digging in his bomber pocket to pull out a candy bar. “Snickers?”

“Ooo!” Barry chirped, taking it from him with a, “Thank you. I forgot to pack snacks when I left the house today.”

“Bar, one day, you’re gonna keel over from hunger because you forget. I swear, your memory is just as bad as your lateness.”

“God, don’t remind me,” Barry snickered.

(Y/N) hummed, eyes lingering on Barry for a moment before she turned to Bruce. “Sorry for the interruption. Please, continue.”

Bruce didn’t skip a beat, but she kept the thought of Barry in the back of her mind.

***

A couple hours later, the meeting had ended, and she caught up with Barry and Hal as they left. “Barry, a moment of your time, please? There’s something I wish to discuss with you.”

Hal waved the two off and continued to the Zeta tubes, leaving them and Barry smiled, “What’s up, (Y/N)?”

“How often do you eat?”

Hello left field with that question.

“I—what?”

“Consuming sustenance,” she reiterated. “How often do you do it?”

Barry shuffled on his feet, scratching at the back of his head. “Well…my metabolism burns through food like Hal does jet fuel.” He saw her cocked eyebrow and unimpressed look and immediately said, “I need to eat roughly 4.8 million calories a day.”

Her eyes went wide and for a moment she simply gaped at him, then she recovered and shook her head. “Divines, you eat a lot of food.”

“Yeah,” Barry chuckled. “Only downside of being a Speedster besides seeing the world in slow motion.”

“Forensic scientists make between forty and one-hundred-thousand a year. Is it possible for you to afford the nutrition you need to adequately feed yourself?”

Just like that, she hit a sore spot because Barry stilled, a remarkable feat, and his cheeks tinted red; she heard the stutter in his heart rate, noted the way he looked around uncomfortably. “I…Bruce…helps me sometimes.” He shifted nervously. “High calorie protein bars are the easiest to manufacture in massive quantities. I need them most nights.”

“So, you can’t afford the amount of food you need?” (Y/N) hummed, eyes narrowing as she brought her hand to her face, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “I’m going home for the evening,” she suddenly blurted out. “Come back here tomorrow around the same time. I’ll have something for you that will help with your food shortage.”

As she walked off, Barry grabbed her arm, pleading, “Wait, (Y/N), don’t. I can’t take money from you.”

“I never said anything about money,” she corrected, removing his arm. “I merely said for you to come back, and I’ll have something for you.” She winked. “Relax Barry. I’m not going to tell the world your secrets.”

***

He stood in the center of the area where he was supposed to meet (Y/N), had been standing there for an hour, but then again, she was only fifteen minutes late and he forty-five minutes early. Barry glanced at his watch when a buzzing started in his pocket; he pulled his phone out and saw her caller ID, lifting it to his ear. “Hello?”

Barry! Sorry for calling late. That thing I’m looking for is taking a bit longer than I expected it to. Do you think you could come to my home in Gotham? I’ve already called ahead and let Bruce know you’d be in city limits.

“Oh, yeah,” he answered. “I’ll be right there.”

Good! Travel safely!

It’d taken him all of ten seconds to get from the Watchtower to her house and Barry almost shit his pants when he saw it. It reminded him of Hagrid’s house but slightly wider and with multiple conjoined buildings to it. He walked up to the front door, hyping himself up to grab the brass doorknocker that resembled a demonic skull. When he knocked on the door, nothing happened, then the locks flipped and it opened, creaking on its hinges like a cheap eighty’s horror film, but it did the trick because Barry was scared out of his mind when all he saw was a darkened room lit up only by a candle holder on a table in the middle.

“I’m in the back!” a voice called from inside. “Fang is coming to greet you! He’s bringing Nevermore!”

Nevermore was the bird. He remembered that one, but who was Fang?

His question was answer by a giant mastiff came bounding from an opening to the hallway and Barry almost jumped a foot in the air; it looked terrifying, but he merely whined and shoved his head into Barry’s palm, waiting to be scratched behind his ears.

He relented, giving Fang a good ear-scratch, and smiled as Nevermore hopped up his arm to sit on his shoulder.

“Hungry!” he croaked. “Want snacks!”

Barry dug around in his pocket, finding a half-eaten granola bar. “Granola?” he offered, holding up a piece and Nevermore swiped it with a quick snap of his beak.

“Come in!”

“(Y/N), where are you?”

“In the back!” she called. “I told you that already!”

“I meant where!” Barry laughed, coming to the hallway. It split down two sides, one going to the right the other left. The right opened to what looked like a studio. The left went down and had two doors on the wall, what were bedrooms, and at the end of the hall was a study.

“Bedroom!” she answered, and Barry walked down the left, stopping at the second door that was creaked open.

He saw (Y/N) laying over her bed, digging for something on the opposite side away from him. “(Y/N)?”

“Come in,” she said, listening to him walk around to see her. “I forgot I shoved this underneath her a long time ago when I was cleaning things out.”

“How long is a long time ago?”

“Hmm…American Revolution? Give or take a decade or so?” she waved it off, pulling out what looked like an antique drawstring bag, about the size of a dinner plate; she held it up and patted the bed beside her with her free hand. “This is going to solve all your food problems,” (Y/N) announced, watching him sit down.

“Uh…how so?”

She placed it in his lap. “Think of your absolute favorite snack food. Chips or cookies or something.”

He did.

“Now…reach into the bag and pull it out.”

Barry’s brows furrowed as he reached in the bag, and she knew he’d found them because his eyes went wide, and he pulled out a snack pack of cookies. “What the—”

“Magic food purse,” (Y/N) explained. “Found it one day when I was exploring.” She took it back and reached into it, pulling out a thin tray of expertly wrapped sushi. “It’s really helpful when you’re traveling and can’t carry massive amounts of food around with you.”

Barry watched her pop one in her mouth; he knew damn well that sushi wasn’t in there when he reached inside. He swiped the bag from her and opened it, peering inside, but all he saw was a dark, stretching expanse. “That’s not possible,” he breathed. “There’s nothing in here.”

“It’s magic,” (Y/N) snorted, reaching in to pull out a frosted chocolate cupcake. “Anything you can imagine eating or drinking? It will come out.”

“That’s not scientifically possible!” Barry stressed, trying to shove his head into the bag. There had to be some gimmick to it. A transporter! Something!

“Why is it so hard for you to accept that some things in this universe can’t be explained by science?” she stared at him. “For Divines’ sake, Barry, your best friend is a man who wields a magic ring. You run faster than the speed of light.”

“There’s science behind some of that!”

“Not much.”

“But there is science! Here—there’s nothing!” Barry was having a crisis. “I don’t know how this works. I don’t understand.”

(Y/N) smiled and folded the bag up, gently stowing it in Barry’s jacket pocket. “It’s not about understanding, Barry, it’s about accepting that there are some things you won’t ever understand.” Her eyes crinkled at the edges. “That bag will never run out of magic. You can think all the food and drinks into existence and never run out of food again.”

She reached up and cupped his cheek. “No more high calorie meal bars unless you have to eat them. No more worrying about putting money aside to make sure you have enough to eat. No more relying on others to keep yourself from going hungry.” (Y/N) whispered comfortingly, “No more fear. No more worries.”

Barry felt the lump rise in his throat. He’d never admitted it, not even to Hal, but he worried constantly about keeping fed. Worried that money wouldn’t come in, that he’d go hungry, that something worse would happen. All the nights he’d laid in bed and had to roll over on an empty stomach because he couldn’t afford to buy more or eat what he’d planned for tomorrow then. All the skipping meals, all the exhaustion, all the worry. Gone in moments.

He felt her thumb under his eye, and he looked into her umber ones, seeing her smile softly as she wiped away another tear. She didn’t say anything, merely gazing at him and Barry leaned into her palm, reaching up to cup her hand closer to his cheek. “Thank you,” he managed through the lump in his throat. “I don’t know how to repay you for—”

“Shhh,” (Y/N) hushed, pressing her thumb to his lips. “There’s nothing to repay anyone for. I did this for you, Barry, not so you’d owe me.” She pulled away from him and rose from the bed, looking back. “Now, if you’d like a moment to yourself, I understand. But I was planning on making dinner. Would you like to stay the night?”

“You don’t mind?” Barry asked. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

She glanced over her shoulder with a wink, flashing those pretty white fangs in a smile as she flirted, “Stay all you want, Barry. I won’t bite…yet.” She left Barry in the room, heart pounding in his chest, but not from fear—from excitement and anticipation.

[muffindaddystyles]

KISMETS.

Harry Styles x fem!reader.

Slow burn, platonic love and jealousy clićhes.

Fluff! Fluff! Fluff!

Frenemies and dad!harry.

Author's Note: The concept's kinda weird but if you've watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Phoebe Buffay carrying child for someone. You've got it my pal!

MASTERLIST LETS TALK! PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

"Can ya stop breathing like, THAT!?" She whisper yells twisting to give him a sharp glare full of spleen elbow poking at his side abs, "Like what!?" He half squeaks peering down at her with doe eyes palms flat at sides to convey his surprise.

"Like a train engine whistling -- it's annoying." She mutters rolling her eyes and turning back to listen to instructor.

"Now, I can't even breath without ye' comin' fo' me throat?" He grits with a kink of brows and when she confirms with a no --- He gasps dramatically. It's gonna be a long journey of Hell for them. Harry hates her hormones. Little bitches.

Or

Y/N is carrying a baby for Harry and his girlfriend ---  but something went downhill.

//

Twinkling droplets of crystal rain pelts against the bricked road subsiding harsh noises of surrounding but a nettled groan caught everyone's attention ‐‐‐ stares turning in direction. Have you ever wanted to just disappear under a warm invisible cloak and enjoy the drollery aspects of life without worrying? Because this is what Y/N wants at the moment as she stands under the bus stop shelter with few people beside her and the british showers starts pouring mocking at her for not carrying an umbrella with her.

Everyone leaves when the bus didn't arrive — who remains behind's Y/N huffing and pouting wishing for rain to stop. When it didn't she muttered a 'fuck it' before risking catching a cold and stepping under the pitter patter with her books atop her head for less damage.

Trying to punch in the passcode of society's gate with shivery fingers perhaps it opens before that startling her wet-y self. Similar car drives near her and a head pops in from inside with his big goofy smile and crinkles by his charming eyes, "Ni!" She exclaims pushing away the drippy hair sticking to her lips with her pinky.

"Pet you're gonna catch a cold. Want me to drop ya?" Niall kinda yells over the rain's loudness. She sighs fog whirling infront of her. Shoves her hand in her trench coat's pocket to seek for heat instead it's all icky and drenching.

"No it's just a tiny walk away. I'll manage — call me will tell ya how my class went." She waves him looking at him from her shoulder while rushing away towards the most elegant house in the block. Niall gives her a thumbs up from before getting out of sight and she tries to hop over the puddles of water to make it to doorsteps.

The water she brings from outside pooling at the dark timber floor - it trails behind her past the pink door as she rushes jumpy-ly where the most hot's in the house and apparently it's more than she expected, "ouch. ouch my eyes!!" She screams covering them at the sight of Harry butt naked pinning his girlfriend against the wall near fire place. Her face turning into a tomato at the horrendous raid but she seems pissed and well . . displeased that Y/N ruined a mind boggling orgasm for her.

Before, they could disattach from eachother to unravel their humiliation Y/N jogged up to attic into the guest room slamming her forehead against the door to knock away the embarrassment. She always barges in Harry's house without announcing but sometimes she forgets he isn't alone everytime his girlfriend comes to live by every two weeks (it's his fault too that he never locks the main door as anytime anyone's coming at his place). Changes into clothes she forgets at her visits, tries to dry her hair with a towel that no-more smells like Harry but expensive fabric softeners and has a pep talk for a minute to show herself down infront of them.

Instinctive voices coming from the Kitchen and she pads towards it. They act like nothing happened. Like Harry wasn't dick deep into Chessie moments ago. Harry ushers her to barstool and hands her a cuppa tea moving on with a kiss to her head. It still gives her butterflies even though how many sense awakening scoldings she gave to herself at 3 ams.

"'M sorry." She squeaks with a wavering smile wrapping her palms around the mug. Harry cackles softly brushing the underbelly of his nose as Chessie cordinated the cutlery drawer, "'s okay moppet. we finished our business when ye' left." Y/N almost choked on her hot beverage gulping it down when Chessie shocked gasp throwing little socksies that were laying ontop of the counter at Harry. Are those of toddler? Adam's out of town so there's no way it could be his daughter's socks. Maybe Chessies's one of friend's?

"Should've called me t' pick y'up. Niall was loafin' around too —- wear it you're turnin' blue, pet." He comes back with a swarmy chunky knitted sweater Anne gifted him at his birthday handing it to Y/N and sitting opposite of her pulling Chessie with her wrist into his lap clearing his throat to bring Y/N's attention back from eyeing the socks on the floor. Her eyes flicker between them chest tightening at the love and glow that radiates from Harry when he looks at her.

No. She's not jealous. Mightyyyy bit yeah –- cause she could never be this lucky to have someone as Harry. He's the most caring towards her since ten years been her compass to the home she wanted, her anchor saving her from sinking and the sixth sense of a blind to her. In fact she thinks he's her soulmate and not every soulmates needs to be romantically involved some could watch them growing beautiful in love. Y/N's doing it. Admiring the maturity of his life with the person that truly makes him enough---or she thinks so.

"How was ye'r meditation class?" Harry asks (she took a semester off as she was unable to haul the burden'; Harry convinced her how her health should be her first priority) breaking a cookie in two giving half of it to Chessie who thanks him with a kiss in return, "Was good been feelin' great!" She chirps pulling the sleeves of the sweater that's drenched in cinnamon vanilla-y smell with lingers of what comes of as Chessie's scent. She assumes they cuddled shit loads.

To subside the gnaw in her brain down she finally asks the question pointing at the sock that nobody gave a heed to pick up, they stop chewing looking at eachother to come up with something. Chessie's face distressed knowing Harry wouldn't hide it from Y/N. He tells her everything and sometimes it could be too personal to share.

"Erm. . I bought 'em — 'cos. . " Harry stammers and Y/N smacks her hand atop her mouth avoiding from giving a shocked reaction, "Oh my goodness ye' guys are pregnant!?" It was enough to make Chessie flinch and hike down Harry's lap.

"No! 'S not what ye'r thinkin'." He shakes his head making Y/N confused. "Then you bought it fo' your fingers? Cause that's the only body part it could fit." She teases him to break through the insight tension around and he chuckles shaking his head grabbing Chessie's hand rubbing her knuckles how he used to when Y/N's anxious and over the edge.

"We want to have a family." His words low as he looks at Chessie but she shrugs in return as 'in it is what it is'. Y/N stomach twisted at that. The thought that one day He's gonna have a family of his own and the little bubble that Y/N would be privy to made her throat dry. Because she has no-one despite Harry and he deserves the whole world not just baby keeping Y/N everytime.

"So . .? What's the problem?" She raises her brows looking between them noticing Harry's fingers fiddle with the flower tea mats, "There are complications from Chessie's side." Chessie sighs in disappointment and Y/N ponders over the idea, clocks working and spindling wildly in her mind.

"I could do that for you guys — since I took a semester off --–" She puts the offer nervously and both of their jaws went slack Harry with an adoring grin while Chessie in hitting shock. "--Erm we could go through a traditional surrogacy."

"Are you sure?" Chessie asks squeezing her shoulder and Y/N nodded taking both of their hands, "Anything for ye' guys!" Harry's eyes glossing over and he leaves his spot sprawling his arms calling for her, "Gimme a hug pet. Life saver ye're - we're gonna take care of ye." They group hug tightly and excitedly.

Sometimes actions could speak much more than words because the lies that words hold could ruin the great bondages.

. . .

They went through the medical procedure two days after Her, Harry and Chessie being guided by their acquired doc. She was nervous and sweaty but Harry's presence beside her soothed out any negativity that was building inside her brain. By womb the babies would be Harry's and Y/N but legally Chessie's and Harry. She's just wishing that everything goes alright cause that happiness of them is million worthy to her.

People might call her stupid and brainless for going through sickness, crankiness, back pains and the pain during labour just to give those babies to someone else (she's too afraid to call them her's cause she knows her emotional attachments could be very destructive) but she loves Harry and love makes you do those thingies.

At the moment she's on the toilet seat eyes bolted shut counting threes with the pregnancy test in her wavering fingers. "Please it better work." A squeal of surprise leaves her lungs when her eyes fell over the two positive lines quickly dragging her panties over she tumbled outside where everyone's waiting for her.

"You guys are pregnant!!" Sounds dumb right? She announces loudly. Harry's and Chessie's heads perked up while everyone cheered beers spilling from the rims. She flashed grins to each one of them splitting her gaze away from Harry giving Chessie a celebratory kiss.

"Thank you. Oh my god, love! Can't belive it." Harry held her from shoulders giving her a toothy smile and it puts her off that Chessie didn't say anything just a nod along Harry. "Me too." She breathes out as he leads her to sofa sitting her cautiously. "We'll visit the doctor tommorrow." He reassures popping his head from Sarah's neck as she hugged him tight.

"We're gonna have a little Y/N and Harry running and pooping it's nappies soon." Everyone went silent. A grimace on Y/N and Chessie's face. Niall doesn't know when to shut up does he? Y/N's gonna strangle him alive. Harry laughed out aloud not caring about the thick tension in room, "I'll rip ye'r hair if you'll turn me baby into a golf freak Niall." His baby.

Niall raises his hands in defence, "No guarantees Harold."

. . .

They had a check-up and Y/N indeed's pregnant. Harry's over the moon. Kissing her forehead. Thanking her for millionth time – to the point she told him to let her watch telly in peace and shut up. Chessie bringing her organic vegan dishes that Y/N isn't a fan of but eats nevertheless under Harry's stern gaze. "'S not about them only I want ye' to be healthy too, pet. Can't be selfish now can I?" He'd insist.

When she'd be sick he'd be at her side giving her back rubs while Chessie stood at the doorframe of washroom. Y/N thinks since she's pregnant her womanly instincts has gotten more sharp as she sensed something's off between the pair.

He'd be at her flat early morning waking her up to have a morning walk with him not giving in her grunts and whines. Who'd want to leave their crispy warm bed to just be out in the cold? A fool like Harry only. Making her brekkie afterwards as a reward giggling and massaging her shoulders when she'd gobble down food like a greedy squirrel, "Easy there love. 'S all yours."

Chessie's back at LA. They had a small argument because Harry wants her to be participating in all of this as much as he's. But, her priorities are not set for this. They never were.

Y/N was at Harry's place nibbling onto chocolate cupcakes Anne sent specifically for her with a note ("my grandchild shouldn't be privy to their Nana's bakin' skills all my love to Y/N." along a winky smiley) when she spilled cold milk all over her nooked tee-shirt. Harry gave her his clothes to change into and baby wipes but she warded him with a scoff that water exists. She has become more feisty with each passing day.

Was discarding the tee when her gaze fell over the sveltest of bump in the mirror taking her breath away. It makes her realize it's all real. She never touches her belly in fear if she'd she will never stop. Now, when the pads of her fingers skim alongs the skin it strips shivers down her spine. She always wanted this. Not in this scenario though. Shaking her head of the thoughts she slips Harry's hoodie over it climbing down the stairs and it causes Harry to snap his head in alert. He stops chopping the carrots spinning to see Y/N standing feet away from him.

"My baby bump's showing." Her voice almost a whisper and it widens Harry's pupils as his hands fell in air midway between them hesitant to reach her, "Can I see?" She bobs her head shyly cheeks blazing red while revealing the bump for Harry to see. It's not like he hasn't seen her before. He has. But, this's more intimate than all of that. It made him fall on his knees. He's a sensitive person in general. Pure from heart but during this period it seems like he's pregnant not Y/N which's quite amusing too.

"She's beautiful." His gaze full of adoration. "She?" Y/N furrows her brow with a smile. He bobbed his head with a grin, "Think so our baby's gonna be she." Now that's the problem cause Y/N doesn't know which ours he's talking about.

"My pregnancy instincts says it's he." He scoffs, "Bet!?" She rolls her eyes forwarding her fist to do the hand shake they do while betting, "If you loose your pink macbook gonna be mine." They solid the deal with their traditional shake.

"Can I touch it?" Harry's asks politely. When she gives him permission he spreads his warm palms flat against her tummy tongue tied with the affection boozing in his veins for the baby that's not out in the world yet. Y/N eyes flutters and her fingers twitches by her sides from carding them into his hair. This's wrong she scolds herself. Her hormones all over the place.

"You wanna send a picture to Chessie?" At this his lips thinned and he gave her a curt nod standing up to fetch his phone, "Sure. But she might be busy..." on the verge of spitting his words in vile.

. . .

Y/N was reading a crime mystery book. Stroking the side of her baby bump carelessly. Cosy in her blanket hoodie telly murmuring in the distance. "Your dad's taste in books is shit, innit?" She peers down with a smile. It's the first time she's talking to them. "We'll read loads of good books together so that when you'll grow up – I could know what to gift you on Christmas." She tries to grab more popcorns from the bowl but it's empty. "Wanna be best aunt out there!!"

"Will you miss me? As much as I'll when we'll be separated?" Tears well up at her waterline. She huffs through her nose running her hand down her belly several times. It's coming; the breakdown she was toiling for days. "I know it sucks I cant be your mommy." Her cravings kicking in and all she want's a strawberry oreo icecream.

"Oh no. Seriously? I'm sad and ye' lil bean want an ice? Let's call your daddy and see what he got." She rings him and he picks up on the third one. Voice groggy from the sleep. She wants to feel bad but she isn't when all her taste buds could think of is strawberry flavour.

"'M cravin' strawberry ice-cream bad. . . Is it possible for ya to bring one?" He's already throwing duvets off his body reaching for his phone and wallet, "No worries pet I'll be there in tick."

"What the fuck Harry? It's three in the mornin'." Chessie groaned from beside him throwing pillow at her face. "We already stored her fridge with alot of food — " She squints about to change the side.

"She's carrying a baby for us Chess. Ye should know better since ya didn't wanted to." She sits up like bullet folding her arms against her chest.

"Thank you for throwing it at my face, H." He doesn't even spare her a glance walking outside and Chessie wants to scream at the top of her lungs. Why did she even agreed to this?

. . .

When he bought her ice-cream she throws herself in his arms kissing his cheek and he giggled in return feeling good when her bump pressed against him. They ate ice-cream with a bantering mess discussing names of the babies, the one that Chessie and Harry decided, him telling her about the little onesies they bought hearing that Y/N stood up taking out a little bag from the chests of drawers.

"I hope you wouldn't mind." She mutters showing him the lil knitted gloves and Harry slid his palm above her's wrapping them snugly, "I don't want ye' to think ya can't love on 'em 'cos after all it's ye'r womb they belong too." Her lip wobbles at his words and she stuffs her face against his chest fisting the hem. It fred away butterflies inside Harry. He sucka his lip. He shouldn't be acting like this. He has a girlfriend that he's gonna have a baby with. They're happy or atleast he thinks so.

They've been bestfriend for years and those feelings never drowned him. Is it because now she's having his babies? Maybe? Harry tries to convince himself.

When he looks down Y/N's drooling onto his shirt deep into slumber. He pecks her hair slipping his arms under her to hold her firmly against his chest. Laying her on the bed tucking her under blankets.

. . .

It sounds like multiple thuds as doctor hovered the ultrasound device over her gelled cover belly. Her belly growing way faster than it should. Her gaze glued at the ceiling fingers crossed. Harry and Chessie holding hands tight gazes fixed at the screen both of them confused at the disoriented image. They all were on the edge of their seats waiting for their turns. Y/N wished that someone could give her a huge warm hug to soothe her nerves down. But, in the first place she shouldn't be worried about the gender as it's none of concern but theirs. It's getting hard day by day.

"It's twins!" Doctor announces chirply getting a wave of silence in return. But, soon the room filled with happy giggles and gasps of Harry as he went to hug Chessie who's expressionless from shock. Y/N pouts wishing it was her. Smiling at doctor when she squeezed her hand in consolation. She's frightened though. How could she deliver two babies? To deal with the roughness that comes along them? Gonna be pretty hectic.

"We hit a jackpot, innit?" He grins down at her kissing Chessie's cheek last time before leaning down to hug her. "Gonna be super carin' with ye' now." Y/N gives a pat to his back in return awkwardly eyeing as Chessie left the room hastily.

. . .

It rakes against the wood harshly as Chessie glided keys of Harry's house towards him without a word. He puts the baby guide book aside arching his brow, "I can't do this anymore. I want an out." Dread. Seeping down Harry's bones.

Guarding himself down he grits, "What do ya mean you want an out? We agreed with full consent of yours Chessie." She shakes her head furiously.

"I didn't sign up for two of 'em Harry I could barely be there for one!!" He puts his elbows on his knees head lowering, "But you wanted to have a family with me didn't ye'?" His eyes tearing and she throws her head back in annoyance finding it difficult to make him understand.

"No. No – No. You wanted a family! Because of your continuous protests I gave in. Told you I wasn't ready for all of this bullshit now we are here." She emphasises. Harry stands up from his seat towering her pointing a finger at her.

He's rageous. Could burn this house down. How could she be so mean? Cowarding back at the last moment.

"Don't call it bullshit." He spits full of venom for the woman he mighty love and she snaps her head other way, "Congrats she finally ruined us and couldn't be more happy – now that she's having your mother fuckin' babies." He stumbles back knocking the coffee table lungs congesting.

"Don't drag her in all of this she's innocent." She laughs ironically looking him square in eyes yelling like a maniac, "Gave her your sperms now you can't hold back from fucking her. I knew it. You were fucking her behind my back weren't you?" She thinks of him like that? A cheater? He loved her and she always thought he was cheating her.

"Don't yell. I don't want to see ye'r cruel face when I come back home." He tries not to croak mustering strength to walk away from her. Exposing himslef to freezing weather locking himself in his car and crying his heart out. Sky crying along him. He punches the steering wheel brutally shouting "why's?" Head falling atlast as he thought of all his dreams shattering at his feet.

She caged him instead of giving him shelter. Replaced the butterflies he used to get from her with a burning hell in his pit, should've been mother of his children now she's just an ex.

The excruciating part is how he's gonna tell Y/N about this? She'll be crushed.

. . .

"Oh my god . . ." It was the roar of thunder that startled her but something else took her attention away. That tinsy kick protruding the taught skin of her belly, ". . . which one of you?" She was extra happy today. It's swimming in her head. It's just a thought but sharing it with Harry wouldn't kill someone. She wanna ask him if she could've one of the babies. It's just she's too much into the moment that she forgot she still have a degree to complete. A career to pursue and a life she always wanted.

When there's a knock at door she tries to stand up with the support of armrest a hand on her back. A gasp falling from her mouth at the sight of Harry's clothes soaked and another when he looks up with bloodshot eyes. Tears dried cheeks and heaving chest seeming utterly devastated.

"Pet what happened!?" She grabs him from elbow pulling him inside and he falls onto his knees smashing his cheeks against her showing tummy -- a sob recking through him, "Harry you're scarin' me. Tell me what happened is everything okay?"

"Chessie don't want these babies - sh-she didn't wanna ruin her career but atlast agreed . . . n-n now she doesn't want 'em 'n wants an out." He stutters. White noise deafening Y/N's ears and she steps back with expressions as if she's scared. Horrified of the future.

"It means she never had complications? She just didn't wanted her body to go through all of this." When Harry didn't fill in to her inquiry she flopped onto sofa from the shock shoving her face into her palms giving out a cry of hurt at her stupidity.

"God. I'm such an idiot!" He shakes his head crawling towards her with sad eyes and lil hiccups, "No please don'tcha say that. We'll figure it out yeah? Never wanted this t'happen." God. How bad he wants her to assure him that it'll be alright.

"You'll figure out what, huh!? Leaving them just like she did!?" Swear Harry felt a dagger jabbing it's way into his heart more upsetting tears spilling down his throat. "I hate you guys. They're none of your babies from now on. . ."

"Leave." She orders him wiping her tears roughly with the sleeve of her jumper. Running out of breath with each sniffle. Raises her hand stopping him to step forward and protest, "I said leave before I make you!!" He nods inhaling breath of remorse looking at the ceiling for a second then to her.

"Before, that want ya t'know. I still want 'em. They're mine. How could I not? love 'em. Hope ya'll forgive me." Then it's just sobs of Y/N taking over the buzz of telly as the door ticks. He didn't leave though. He's too afraid to. His back sliding against her door knees closing against his chest letting it all dawn upon him. His green luscious orbs hooding with sadness and the fluff of his curls.

Dunno if Y/N would be able to forgive him.

. . .

He woke up to a boot nudging to his thigh squinting up to find Niall stating down at him with consoling eyes. Poor Harry slept in the hallway. His neck sore and limbs stoned.

"Heard it 'lad. Was suspicious with Chessie long way." He helps Harry stand up patting his shoulders, "Y/N called ye'?" He grogs rubbing his eye with knuckles. When Niall confirms he quips with pleading eyes in a low whisper knowing he'll get his hair ripped if that furious little mama bunny will find him outside.

"Ye' think she'll forgive meh?" Niall chuckles to light up the situation, "'course H. Do ya think our pet's that ruthel—" He bites his tongue. Harry's gaze following the snap of his neck when the door opened revealing Y/N in a lilac chunky sweater. Puffy eyes and swollen lips. Harry feeling like a dickhead at her condition. It's all his fault. Then their eyes fall at the piping hot cuppa of tea in her hand.

With a stoic face she hands it to Harry and pulls Niall inside slamming the door at curly boy's face. So, she knew he was there sharing a door with her the whole night.

. . .

"Isn't it a good thing thou, love?" Niall smiles. He's chill in all of this. Watching it unwrap. They were meant for eachother Niall thinks so, "You wanted one of 'em and ended up havin' a whole bean can." She groans throwing her peach plushie at his chest. A smile swirming up her lips at his silly statement now that she's more stable less sad.

"You're the absolute worst, Ni!" He holds her cold hands tugging her close to make her look, "Want ya to forgive H. He did nothin' wrong, pet." When she pouts ruffling the silk strands of her rug with her feet he grabs her chin.

"Remember how happy he was? Don't go mad on him yeah?" She bobs her head not meeting his gaze. Meanwhile, there's knock at the door and Niall takes it laughing to himself softly at the box of doughnuts with a note.

"What is it?" He's already flopping beside her hooking his nimble finger around the white doughnut with rainbow sprinkles, "If I'd have known pregnant ladies gets treated this way. Would be havin' one baby every year." She smacks him in belly and unlatches the note reading it with a sucked lip.

Ye'r antenatal class's tommorrow. Don't forget to take ye vitamins :)

How gentle, calm and optimistic Harry could be needles her some.

. . .

Harry's waiting for her in the car fiddling with the radio. He isn't gonna lie. He's been going through a heartbreak. To cope with it he wants to accompany Y/N in her parent craft classes. When she waddles towards his car cosied up in a yellow baggy sweater and a cardigan Harry remembers she stole from him ages ago he mighty scrunched his nose in adoration at her cuteness.

Her nose pink and cheeks flushing as she slips into her seat, "Can you stop bringin' me stuff. I know how to take care of myself." She nips at him when he forwards her a kale smoothie. He doesn't seem to mind. Both, of them knows very well she's trying to avoid drinking it. She finds it yucky!

"Wanna take care of ya'll is all." He mumbles putting it in her side's cup holder. Ya'll .She regrets it instantly. Damn his puppy eyes!

. . .

"Mr. Styles and . . . Miss Y/N." The instructor calls them and they both raises their hand awkwardly as if in elementary school. "You're the parents of twin right?" She asks. Y/N wanted to say that their supposed to be parent ran off from the fear. But, she couldn't. Could never. It'll be like rubbing salt to his wounds. Bestfriends don't do that shit even in their most anger.

"Yes." She confirms. When Harry didn't. Scared if he might say something wrong. "Ok then! Lay your mats n' have a seat." Harry guides her with the little of his hand on her back. Her shoulder nudging his taut chest, and goosebumps pimples at her skin when his fingers brushes the side of her belly as he helps her sit down.

She takes an all rounder of the room and none of the parents looks like they're here to prepare for war unlike them. She shyly waves at the two mothers beside her and Harry twinges his lip equally flustered as her.

They start with relaxation and breathing exercises. Telling Y/N to let herself loose in Harry's arms. She fumbles with the hem of her sweater when his fingers gingerly winked at her sides and the lull of his breath hit her earlobe.

"Can ya stop breathing like, THAT!?" She whisper yells twisting to give him a sharp glare full of spleen elbow poking at his side abs, "Like what!?" He half squeaks peering down at her with doe eyes palms flat at sides to convey his surprise.

"Like a train engine whistling -- it's annoying." She mutters rolling her eyes and turning back to listen to instructor. "Now, I can't even breath without ye' comin' fo' me throat?" He grits with a kink of brows and when she confirms with a no --- He gasps dramatically. He hates her hormones little bitches.

It's gonna be a long journey of Hell for them.

. . .

"Are you hungry?" He asks turning the heat on knowing how cold her feet could get in the span of seconds. She huffs trying to buckle her belt and it squirms a fond smile out of him at her cute effort to be put in place due to her bump. If he'd coo. She'd rip him into tiny bits. It's better if he gazes away.

"Does it mean emptying your pocket?" She arches her brow sinking into her seat. "Bitso. . " He chuckles softly drumming at the steering wheel.

"Then I'd love to." She adds with a smirk. Clasping her hands atop her heart outta excitement. It makes him shake his poof of hickorey curls at her silliness.

They end up taking a takeout of onion loaded cheese burgers. Greasy fries. An iced-tea and a box of cookies from Babara's shop a block away from Harry's house.

"Wanna choose fo' ye'rself?" He asked her before going inside and she denied with a worried expression. Not knowing how she'll explain all of this to Babara who's her one of the good friends from UNI. Harry respects that. If she isn't ready to talk about it he isn't gonna pressurize her. They've been dodging the serious talk since she let him take to parental classes. Knows one day or another they've to decide how it's all gonna work.

. . .

Good food can make you more high than actual drugs. Licking their fingers off now they feel all sleepy and lazy sitting on the comfortable sofa watching telly with hooded eyes.

Harry's cheek smushed adorably against her baby bump ears tuned into what his babies are talking about.

"You know what? 'S not about winners or loosers. Bu' I won." She bubble hiccups slumping deeper with sugar rush hitting her. "Huh? Harry mumbles eyes drooping. The cotton balls of snowflakes glittering outside, collecting at the window and foging them up.

"I get to have babies of my bestfriend and this nice foodddd — 'n what did Chessie got? No babies and no happy feeling of being their mother." Harry shots up from his snooze blinking up at her and she quickly takes it back regret eating her alive, "'m sorry it slipped."

"No!!" He almost shouts cupping her cheeks making her look at him. His dimples deeps that someone could scoop them like an ice-cream. He gives her an eskimo kiss that makes her veins run with glittery blood.

"I wan' ye' to be the mother of me babies." No hesitation. No dithering. Just him asking for the tinsy bit of her heart. For her forgiveness. For the love they've kept blind eye for years. "We'll figure this out, yeah?" He murmurs their lips brushing and breaths kissing. Pulling back with a forehead kiss.

She lives for forehead kisses makes her shallow tin heart explode with glittery firecrackers.

She nods to give him the affirmation that she wants what he wants.

.

[lozzypoz321]

Word count: 2.2k

A/N: I’m so sorry I haven’t posted in so long!!! But I am quite surprised that my current 200 followers (wow) haven’t unfollowed by now but this is my 200 celebration fic even though I’m a bit late- also I’m sorry if this sucks I just haven’t written in ages! Please bare with me! Kindly proofread by @canadianhufflepuffavenger 💗

Warnings: angst, past break up

Your real dad

-

Steve tightened his grip around your draw-string bag that he had convinced you to part ways with, as you, him and your mother made your way into the tower. He was dreading the reunion with Bucky after not seeing the team for about 2 weeks. You were practically bouncing on your feet to see your real dad. While Steve was there watching you treat your dad like a hero but not even spare him a glance.

Your family relationship was complicated yet simple at the same time: you hated your mom but tolerated her, loved your dad with all your heart, hated your stepdad as much as he tried, treated Peter like your brother and Thor exactly like your uncle.

Why did you hate your stepdad so much?

Well, first of all, he pretended like he was your real dad and tried to do all of the things with you that you and Bucky did together. Second, he always stole all your moms attention and made you feel like you were alone (whether he meant it or not)

The elevator door dinged, indicating that the three of you had reached your floor where currently Bucky, Thor, Tony, Natasha and Sam were hanging out, waiting for your “family”. The others were in the kitchen, trying to get a sneak taste of the food that had been ordered.

“Dad!” You yelled and raced up to the super soldier, he broke out into a grin and picked you up off the ground to invade you into a bone-breakinghug. “Hiya doll face.”

You grinned back at him and got down from his arms briefly to run across the room to retrieve your drawstring back so you could show your dad your new spiderman action figure that had been bought by your cousin Peter.

“Look! Look!”

He smirked slightly at your excited demeanour as you held up the toy as high as you could while jumping up and down for him to see. Once he’d figured out who the character was, you had already gone running off to see what Wanda and Vision had baked in one of the many kitchens.

“Hey Buck” Steve acknowledged as friendly as he could, it wasn’t that the two ‘friends’ hated each other, but there was definitely some tension in the room as the two sat parallel. Tony cleared his throat and mentioned something about having a cough as he quickly left the room.

“I better see where he got off to” Natasha and your mother said at exactly the same time, not wanting to experience what they thought was about to go down.

“Hi Steve” the older soldier greeted back, not sure what the intentions of the conversation were exactly. In the tower, the history between both soldiers and your mother was known but not really spoke of- Bucky dated your mother for quite a while (almost four entire years), and got her pregnant with you, but- as everybody was sure to know- all good things must come to an end- and the two broke up on good terms. That was before Steve Rogers himself got involved at a certain billionaire’s party when they realized they were (and this is in your mother's words) “meant for each other.”

“I’m erm, here to speak to you about something.” As if the awkwardness present in the room was no longer enough before, by now it was almost too much. Thor and Sam took the most obvious hint and left the room in search of something else to occupy their time.

“Well, you’re free to speak-“ Bucky was interrupted by the loud sound of laughing from behind the wooden door and almost instantly after a hushing sound. The two men had completely different reactions to this, Steve was utmostly confused, both eyebrows scrunching together, while Bucky’s face held a small smile. He knew exactly who was trying to eavesdrop and it just proved how much Steve did not know his stepdaughter from the fact he didn’t immediately know. “(Y/N),” he called out, the humour evident in his voice, “Parker, we know you're out there.”

“Awww, Peter you gave our secret identities up!”

By now Steve had caught on to the two of you and laughed lightly, trying to cover up the fact that his only chance to ask Bucky his question alone, was interrupted.

The wooden door creaked open, revealing Peter, dressed up in his spiderman suit for dramatic effect and you with a bandana on, which you thought made you look like a ninja and you held your action figure tightly in your left hand.

“(Y/N), you know it’s rude to eavesdrop” Steve scolded you, trying to be firm. You ignored him and shrugged your shoulders before going to follow the scent of Chinese food.

“Doll,” your dad stopped you “don’t ignore people, you know not to do that” he stood up from his spot on the sofa and began to also make his way to the kitchen, you right beside him muttering a small “okay dad.”

Steve tried not to let his heart sink as his best friend walked away. He would just have to try and get Bucky alone at another point in the night. If he didn’t get an answer, then he would have no use for the small box that was sitting in his trouser pocket.

“Bonjour,” Clint greeted the two of you as you both arrived for food, the island set up with enough plastic plates for everyone (Tony couldn’t be bothered with hiring people to wash normal, expensive ones multiple times a day)

Your mother smiled at you from the other side of the kitchen, but she was immediately confused when you didn’t smile back. The reason you had not, is because you had a feeling you knew exactly what question your stepdad had for Bucky and did not at all like the sound of it.

“Fries?” Bruce offered, tilting the box of food towards you. You nodded gratefully and grabbed a handful. The conversations at the table were mixed; Thor ranting passionately about the food at his home planet, Tony mumbling something about not even being hungry anyway (you thought he was just being salty since he didn’t get his Shawarma), Bucky and Sam having a silent argument across the table, and Peter was busy singing Christmas songs in his best Santa Claus voice.

“Have a holly jolly Christmas, and in case you didn’t seeeee” Natasha rolled her eyes dramatically at the teenager making everyone laugh.

“Hey don’t get annoyed at me! Everyone loves Christmas!”

You used to love Christmas before your parents separated and you weren’t allowed to spend the holiday with your dad.

“I don’t like Christmas,” your dad shrugged half mindedly while taking a sip of his soda. Peter looked at him like he had two heads and exclaimed in shock, “that impossible!”

“It ain’t kid,” Bucky chuckled while your mother shifted in her seat uncomfortably, realizing the reasoning.

While you worked your way through the pile of noodles, Thor’s incessant ranting came to an end, and the teenager had seemingly run out of songs, the group of superheroes decided to hang out in the living room and watch a movie before you, Steve and your mother had to go home.

“Which one?” Nat asked the room while holding up two movies, the nightmare before Christmas and the corpse bride. Both Halloween movies, neither particularly scary.

“How could one have a nightmare on the day before Christmas? Surely that is against the rules of the Holiday Christmas, that is based on happiness?” Thor asked, earning a quizzical look from you. “Stop tryna act like Shakespeare big man” Tony laughed while grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it all into his mouth.

Steve ignored the billionaire, and while no one seemed to be paying attention he directed his attention to Bucky, swallowing nervously. “Hey Buck, can I speak to you for a sec outside?”

Confusion spread over the soldier’s face for a split second before complying and getting up from the couch with Steve as discreetly as possible as to not raise suspicion from the rest of the team and you.

“What’s up?” He asked once they’d reached the hallway outside, he didn’t know what was up with the younger man but he could easily tell that he’d been acting nervous around himself and your mom.

“Um, I have a question, you don’t have to say yes or no or anything-“

“Your ranting.”

He stopped and thought for a second, wondering how to put it. “I know it’s been complicated recently, and I know this might make it worse with all your history with (Y/M/N) and (Y/N) but I really do love both of them and since (Y/M/N)’s parents passed a while ago, there’s no one to really ask for their blessing so I guess I’m here to ask you, can I have your blessing to propose to (Y/M/N)?”

Bucky stood emotionless for a second, not knowing how to react. He wasn’t sure whether to be happy for Steve and support him or to be angry. He had both reasonable attributes for each option but was cut short when he heard the sound of a door banging against its hinges on the floor above.

Both of your dad’s eyebrows scrunched together, who was that? Everyone in the tower knew not to do it because Tony despised it, and everyone with a brain knew that when Tony got annoyed, bad things happened.

Then almost instantly after the door entering the living room revealing an awkward Loki “I’m sorry to interrupt this conversation but your daughter slash stepdaughter, just ran upstairs in tears so if you could quickly wrap this little moment up, it would be greatly appreciated”

Bucky’s heart stopped, why were you crying?

He and Steve completely forgot about their previous conversation and quickly headed upstairs, nearly running Peter over in the process coming from the toilet. But just as they reached the door where you normally stayed when you came for sleepovers, Bucky stopped and put a finger to his lips.

“I think I should go in.” Instead of arguing, and saying that it would be good ‘bonding time’ to get you to like him, Steve silently agreed and let your dad go in.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he gently closed the door behind himself, instantly catching sight of you sat on the carpeted floor, furiously wiping your eyes with the sleeve of your hoodie.

“Hey, hey, don’t hurt yourself,” he took ahold of both of your wrists and set them down on your lap, “why’re you crying doll?”

Tears continued to stream unapologetically down your cheeks, you didn’t know how to tell him. That you had snuck out of the living room to see where the two had gone and then eavesdropped into their conversation, and once hearing your stepdad (who you did not like at all) was going to become a permanent part of your life, ran off crying.

“I don’t wanna talk about it” you shook your head, making him sigh. “Please tell me, I wanna know why. You trust me right (Y/N)?”

The simple nod was all he needed, yet his heart still ached. Seeing his only daughter in tears and didn’t trust him enough to tell him why? It was heartbreaking for him. “I don’t want him to marry mom,” you quietly admitted, “the only reason I’m still allowed to see you is because she thinks I still need a father figure, so now he’s gonna be here forever I won’t be- I won’t be able to see you anymore.”

He sighed deeply, trying to find a way to comfort you. “You will, I promise. I’ll always be apart of your life doll. No one can ever take you away from me because you're my daughter and I love you so so much, m’kay?”

You sniffled and wiped the final tears from your cheeks. “Okay.”

Before you could both get up and return downstairs to finish the movie, Bucky stopped you and lifted you up to whisper something to you.

Once he had finished you pulled back and nodded hesitantly, realizing that you should put your grudge behind you and face a fear.

Your dad and you returned outside, Steve waiting patiently while resting on the wall, gently smiling at you to make sure you were okay.

“Go on doll,” Bucky quietly urged, making you take a deep breath and just go for it.

“I give you my blessing to marry mom.” Steve’s heart skipped multiple beats as his brain tried to process what you had said. You’d finally accepted him into your life?

He broke out into a grin, trying to form words to thank you without seeming like this meant the absolute world to him. “Thank you (Y/N). I appreciate it so much.”

Bucky was proud of you for taking a leap and letting Steve into your life when you were scared. He realized at that moment that even if you did have a dad and a stepdad at the same time, he’d fulfilled his role already.

Taglist: @marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @rae-is-typing @stargazingfangirl18 @canadianhufflepuffavenger @herecomesthewriterwitch @every-marveler-ever @hera-the-writer @lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @rooskaya-yelena @deephideoutmilkshake @kidney9-9 @js3639 @am3l1a-24 @bonkybarnes107 @ilovemarvel-andcats @sapphireplums @deannawallacee @keenmarvellover @garbage-potato @mollbt @spookybooisa

[the-cult-of-russo]

No Going Back (part 2)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

Request : Hey love, can you please do a part 2 to “no going back” where the reader is with a new partner that treats them better and shows how happy y/n is (after a few months of heart break) & billy is upset and dealing with the aftermath of his actions - regret - or not being able to find someone like reader. I’m in the mood for sad!billy because my heart broke for myself in the last one lmfao, they could meet again with y/nS new partner idk go crazy babe!

A/N: Welcome to the Land of Pain. Enjoy the deep rooted sadness and heartache lmao why am I so invested in Sad!Billy? Like really, let me give him a hug or something 😂 this one kind of took on a life of its own and I couldn't help the comforting at the end lmao sue me.

Also, I keep the description of the new partner vague so you can imagine whoever you want. Personally I was thinking Charlie Hunnam because 👀🙃 but this way you can picture whoever. 

Warnings: cursing, some angst, heaps of sadness and despair (for Billy), very much Sad!Billy. Lil bit of fluff too

You never thought you'd find happiness, not after Billy. But sometimes you find things when you least expect it, or they find you. You'd spent months healing after what happened with Billy and at times you honestly thought the pain wouldn't stop. The saving grace was the fact Billy actually kept his distance and didn't contact you. At first you weren't sure if that hurt more or not. But the clean break allowed you to heal and you knew deep down that's why he did it. It had been hard knowing he loved you, that he wanted to fix things. If he had just been an asshole then it would have been easier to get over him. You could hate him. But you couldn't. Part of you would always belong to him but you had to move on. And you did. 

Jacob was a great guy and you'd met through a friend. He took you on dates, doted on you. He was there and he listened and he treated you amazingly. And for the first time since Billy, you hadn't compared Jacob to him. Previous dates were always measured up to Billy but when you met Jacob, you didn't even think about your past lover. 

You'd been with Jacob now for 4 months, it being half a year since the split with Billy. Everything was looking up for you and you finally felt like things were on the right track. You still thought about Billy sometimes. Wondered if he was okay, what he was up to. You couldn't help it. You just hoped one day he'd find happiness too. It hurt that he hadn't allowed that with you but you hoped he'd let it happen with someone one day. 

-------

Billy had experienced pain in all forms in his life. The pain of abandonment from his mother, from the shit in the group home, being in the marines and everything after. He'd always dealt with it. Picked himself back up and moved on. He got back up every time and was always stronger for it. But this time… this time he was weak and he couldn't do a damned thing about it. 

Losing you, all through his own bullshit fault, had been by far the worst thing he'd ever been through. The worst kind of pain. Being shot in the heart would hurt less than the agony and waking hell that had been his life since you begged him to leave your apartment 6 months ago. It felt like only 6 days ago yet 6 years at the same time. It was a never ending spiral of darkness and despair. 

And it was all his own fault. His inability to just be a normal fucking human with emotions had ruined the best thing he ever had. He deserved this pain. He deserved every bit of it. He'd done a lot of bad shit in his life but this was the worst. He couldn't get your face out of his head. How you looked at him with such betrayal and hurt. And he'd caused that. He'd caused those tears to stream down your face, he'd caused that pain. So he'd wallow in his misery and take every inch of pain he was in because he deserved it all. 

He'd thrown it all away, and for what? The sex with the other women hadn't even been good. He hadn't enjoyed it because it wasn't you. And then after, the guilt would eat him alive. But he kept doing it. He couldn't stop himself because he was overwhelmed. He loved you. He actually fucking loved you and he didn't deserve you at all. He never thought he'd love anyone. Didn't think he was capable of such a thing, yet here he was. And he never thought in a million years that anyone would ever love him. His own mother didn't, so why would anyone else? He kept replaying over and over when you told him you loved him that day. The pain had ripped through him like C4. He'd fucked up so badly and he couldn't fix it. He'd finally had a taste of what it was like to be loved and to love someone and it was snatched away in a heartbeat because of his own actions. 

He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. He lost some weight and was well aware of the dark circles around his eyes. He'd taken to drinking every night just to numb the pain and hope your face didn't haunt his dreams. He hadn't even slept with another person since. He couldn't bring himself to. He was a mess. All he wanted was you and he couldn't have you. 

------

You and Jacob were on your way to a little cafe you frequented for lunch. You felt happy, radiant even as you both walked hand in hand. The weather was warming up and the sun bathed you in its warm glow as you walked. Everything felt right. Just as you got to the outside of the cafe, his phone rang. 

"Shit, I need to take this, babe," he sighed. You smiled up at him, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"It's okay. I'll see what they have today," you smiled. He gave you a wide smile, kissing you softly before he stepped away a bit to answer the phone. There was no anxiety. No wondering who he was talking to. You felt settled and content. 

You glanced through the window of the cafe where they displayed fresh baked sweet treats. They had different ones every day and you pressed up against the window, eyes glancing around as you tried to decide if you wanted a glazed donut or a cinnamon bun. Probably the donut.

"Y/N?" The shocked voice felt like a splash of cold water. You knew that voice anywhere. You turned around to see Billy, wide eyed as he stared at you. He looked… oh Billy. Your heart ached at the state of him. He was still in his fancy suit with his hair neat and slicked back. But he looked exhausted, his dark eyes sad. It hurt.

"Hey, Billy," you murmured with a soft smile. You thought about what it would be like if you saw him again. You thought it would bring all the pain back. The anger. But you were hurting for a different reason. You were hurting for him this time. 

He glanced at the floor, looking somewhat out of place and his usual confidence seemed to be left at home. When he glanced back up at you, looking at you through his lashes, he looked like a lost boy. 

"You look good," he said quietly. You smiled sadly, shifting where you stood. 

"You look tired," you countered softly. He chuckled, the noise hollow sounding and you'd be a liar if you said you didn't miss him. Part of you wondered if you could have stayed friends but you didn't think it would help.

"Yeah, I'm uh… not sleepin' so good," he shrugged like it was nothing and you frowned. 

"Billy-" you started, only to be cut off by Jacob coming back over and wrapping an arm around your waist. 

"Sorry, I'm done now," he smiled down at you, kissing your cheek. It wasn't done as a display of possessiveness like Billy would have. It was simply affection. But you saw how Billy's jaw clenched, eyes hardening as he looked at him.

"Uh… Jacob, this is Billy. Billy, this is Jacob," you said carefully. You didn't need to say that Jacob was your boyfriend. It was obvious and you didn't want to rub salt in Billy's wounds. Jacob's brows raised a little, arm moving from around you as he looked at Billy. 

"Oh. It's a pleasure to meet you, I've heard a lot about you," Jacob said amicably as he extended his hand. Billy glanced at it like it was a poisonous snake before glancing at you. You gave him an imploring look and he swallowed thickly before shaking Jacob's hand. 

"Nothin' good, I bet,'' Billy smiled bitterly. Ouch. That hurt. 

Jacob looked at Billy hesitantly with a small smile. 

"Actually… Y/N had nothing but good things to say about you. Except for how it all ended but… there were a lot of good things," Jacob said softly. It made you smile. You'd told him everything about you and Billy and he'd never seen it as an issue. And the fact he was trying here really meant something to you.

Billy looked taken aback for a moment before his face schooled back to the mask of indifference he'd wear often. He glanced at you then at Jacob again as Jacob gave your hand a squeeze.

"I'll get us a table and give you two a minute," Jacob murmured to you. It wasn't lost on you how he purposely didn't kiss you like he normally would. He wasn't petty. He wouldn't hurt Billy or rub it in his face. 

Once Jacob was inside you looked at Billy as he glared off to the side, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

"Billy… I'm sorry, I…" you frowned. You wished he hadn't found out this way. Not when you saw how badly he was hurting. He chuckled humorlessly and shook his head.

"Don't … Don't do that," he bit out. 

"Do what?" You asked with a frown. His obsidian eyes turned to you then, full of such pain and sadness that it felt like you'd been punched in the gut.

"Don't… apologise to me. I don't deserve shit," he muttered, jaw clenched. 

You took a step closer to him and he looked down at you, rolling his shoulder a little. 

"Look… you fucked up. It happened. But I don't … I don't hate you, okay? I never could. I don't want to see you hurting like this," you lamented. His lower lip wobbled a little before he clamped down on it with his teeth, glaring at the floor with glassy eyes. 

"You should hate me," he replied tensely. 

"Well I don't. I forgive you. I don't know if that's helps or anything but… you need to forgive yourself, Billy," you said as you moved closer, looking up at him. His eyes met yours for a moment before he looked away. 

He was so tense, hands in his pockets as his shoulders were set and his body was rigid. 

"Does he uh… he treat you good?" He asked, voice strained as his eyes drifted to the window of the cafe before back to you. You nodded, worried if you vocalised it that it might hurt him more. He scrunched his nose a little, his shoulder rolling again.

"He make you happy?" He asked quietly. It sounded like it brought him great pain to even ask and you looked away with a sigh.

"Billy…" you frowned, not wanting to answer. 

"Just… please. Does he make you happy?" He asked again, a little firmer this time. You met his eyes as you nodded. 

His jaw ticked as he nodded stiffly, glaring off to the side.

"Good… good, you deserve to be happy," he muttered softly. 

"So do you," you replied sincerely. Black eyes snapped to yours then as he scoffed. He opened his mouth to no doubt say something fueled by self hatred but you spoke before he had the chance. 

"I'm serious. I want you to be happy, Billy. You need to allow yourself to feel things and one day you'll get that. You'll find happiness one day," you implored.

He blinked at you for a moment, his eyes shining from moisture.

"I want that with you. And I know… I know I can't. I know we can't fix this. But I just… I don't think I could find that with someone else," he admitted softly. He looked so sad and it was wounding you. You hated seeing him so vulnerable and lost like this. It was so far from the Billy you knew and loved. This Billy was the Billy that woke from nightmares about the group home or from when he was overseas. The Billy you'd comforted many times before. It always hurt you when this side of him was out. 

"There'll always be a part of my heart with your name on it, Billy. I'm sorry it didn't work out but it doesn't mean I don't care at all," you breathed. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath at your words. 

"This… this is why I never deserved you. You're too good for me, too kind and… caring. I don't deserve somethin' precious like you. I don't deserve anythin' good," he muttered bitterly. You knew this spiral well. How he got in his own head and went down the rabbit hole of hating himself. 

You took another step towards him and wrapped your arms around his neck. You just wanted him to be okay. To stop hurting. He may have hurt you, broke your heart, but you didn't want this for him. You wanted to comfort him and this was the only way you knew how. You felt his arms wrap around you, one fisting your shirt and the other in your hair as he held you close. He buried his nose in your hair and inhaled deeply. 

"Stop hating yourself. Do it for me. I hate seeing you like this," you whispered forlornly as you held onto him tightly. 

His hand in your hair tightened a little and you could feel a slight tremor running through his body. 

"I'm a mess without you," he lamented, slightly muffled by your hair. 

"You need to allow yourself to move on," you replied softly. You went to move away but his arms tightened and you allowed him to hold you a moment longer. He'd called you his anchor once. You hadn't really believed him but now it seemed like he was floating away and you were the only thing tethering him here. 

He pressed a kiss to your hair before releasing you but you didn't step back too far as you blinked up at him. 

"Maybe we… maybe we can…" he trailed off uncertainly and your chest constricted painfully. You really hoped he wasn't going to ask for another chance because shooting him down in the state he was in would kill you. 

"I wanna… could we be friends? I won't… I won't get in the way or anythin', I just… maybe if I could text you sometimes? Just to know you're okay?" He asked hesitantly as his dark orbs flit to the window of the cafe before back to you.

You weren't sure if it was a great idea. You didn't know if it would help if you were honest.

"Billy… I don't know if that's a good idea," you murmured sadly. His eyes bore into you, pleading and desperate.

"Please? I know that I-I can't have you. Not the way I want. But I need you in my life, even just as a friend. You not bein' there at all… it's left a gaping hole and I…" his hand went to his chest, rubbing over where his heart was. 

"Okay, you can text me if you need me. But only as friends," you relented, stating the last part firmly. A small smile graced his face then, eyes lighting up ever so slowly. You hoped this wouldn't be a bad idea. 

"I appreciate it. And… as much as it hurts… to see you with… Jacob. I am happy for you," he said Jacob's name like it pained him but his eyes were sincere as he looked at you. It made you smile a little. 

"Thank you, Billy," you murmured. He gave you another small hesitant smile as he nodded.

"I'll uh… let you get back," he said with a nod. Without thinking, you wrapped your arms around him again, around his middle this time as your head rested on his chest. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you tightly. His hand going to your hair like it always did. You could hear the rapid thumping of his heart in your ear. 

"It was good seeing you," you said softly. You meant it too. 

You always thought it would be difficult seeing him again, and it was in a way. It hurt seeing him this cut up about it. But it wasn't how you imagined it would go. You weren't angry at him, you didn't feel the same pain you did on that day. The only pain you felt was for the broken man in holding you. You wanted to comfort him and you'd missed him. He'd been a constant in your life for a while, even before you officially got together. 

"It was good seein' you too," he sighed, squeezing you a little. When you stepped back, he gripped your face and for a moment it startled you. But he planted a firm kiss to your forehead before stepping back. Once again, you allowed him that. You couldn't help it. 

You gave him a soft smile and he returned it with a sad one of his own. You forced your feet to move as you made your way into the cafe. Jacob was sitting there patiently waiting at a table with a coffee and a donut waiting for you. You grinned at him as you sat down and he leaned over to kiss your cheek.

"Everything okay?" He asked softly, stroking your cheek.

"Yeah," you sighed. You really hoped Billy would forgive himself for everything that happened. He didn't need to punish himself like this. 

"Good… he'll get over it one day. Just give him some time, babe," Jacob murmured as if he knew what you were thinking. You gave him a warm smile as you laced your fingers with his. 

You hoped he was right. You hoped that being friends with Billy would work and maybe help him. You still weren't sure if it was a good idea or not but he seemed adamant it would help him. It was hardly how you ever imagined it would go but it was how the cards fell. All you could do was wait and see what happened and hope that maybe you could help Billy through it. It was kind of upside down and all ass upwards. Helping the man that broke your heart get over you. But you still cared about him and you'd do whatever you could to help him through it.  

[resident-leevil-old]

okay well anyways somebody asked me if i felt like talking about my raccoon city survivors au with mia and ethan again and the answer is YES.

> AU MINI FACTS <

- Ethan's mother died while giving birth.

- Ethan Winters and his father moved into Raccoon City when Ethan was a baby, around 3-4 years old.

- Ethan trans ftm because im trans and i said so.

- Mia trans mtf because im trans and i said so.

- Ethan & Mia are childhood friend to lovers in this au.

- Ethan's father worked for Umbrella, and Mia's father worked for the Connections while her mother also worked for Umbrella.

- Mia was born in Texas, but her family moved to Raccoon City after she was born. They still owned property in Texas, though.

- Mia & Carlos are related because I said so.

- so yknow the "dude its been three years" guy? that's their childhood friend and his name is Kyde because i said so.

- Albert Wesker Personally was ordered by Spencer to kill those scientists btw.

- a lot of this au is because i said so tbh

> AU SUMMARY <

Ethan Winters, Mia Oliviera, and Kyde Wells work together to survive six days of the Raccoon City Outbreak. In the process they uncover secrets and encounter many obstacles that just nearly cost them their lives.

> CHAR.BGROUND <

ETHAN W, SR - A scientist who worked for Umbrella. He lost his wife during the birth of his child E///// Winters. Struggling with the death of his wife and the harsh decline of his mental health, he began to experiment with viruses and vaccines in an attempt to bring his wife back, even using his child as a subject at certain points due to the child having strong genes from the mother. He acknowledged that he was a horrid father, but justified his actions by claiming he would bring back a better mother. He thought of Albert Wesker as a friend, and told him the truth of his research.

ETHAN W, JR - A quiet 14 year old that had a hard time making friends. Due to experiments from his father, Ethan is a culmination of infections and viruses that each impact him in different ways. As he grew up Ethan refrained from talking too much as to not interrupt his father's work, causing him to become selectively mute.

MIA OLIVIERA - Younger sister of Carlos Oliviera. Mia skipped a grade due to her intelligence and advanced knowledge on many things kids her age normally didn't. She very easily got sick as a child, though she seemed to outgrow it as she got older. She was schooled both at home and at school before the outbreak. She shared classes with Ethan Winters (Jr) and Kyde Wells.

KYDE WELLS - A friend of Ethan & Mia, known for his cowardice. Kyde has a heavy sense of self preservation, but a weighted sense of compassion as well. He only ever has risked himself for his two friends.

JAMES HARISON - Mia's father. He worked for the Connections as a scientist and a researcher. Harison and his wife often exchanged information they learned from their jobs, aiming to and succeeding at "fixing" their daughter's proneness to viral sicknesses.

MARISA OLIVIERA - Mia's mother. He worked for Umbrella as a researcher. Oliviera and her husband often exchanged information they learned from their jobs, aiming to and succeeding at "fixing" their daughter's proneness to viral sicknesses.

JAKE VERANO - An Umbrella worker who had been trapped in the underground facility for a week, listening to the sound of his coworkers being eaten alive. Unstable because of his experience, he tries to create a cure using the intel of Ethan W (SR).

> FULL AU <

[September, 25, 1998.]

Ethan Winters walked home from school when his father failed to pick him up. He walked through the streets, paying no mind to a big fight breaking out near him. On the way home, he meets up with his friend Kyde who had also been walking home. They talk and walk together for a bit, before splitting up.

When Ethan arrived home, he noticed the front door of his house had been opened slightly. Confused, but wary, he entered the house, knowing it was uncharacteristic for his father to forget the door was open.

He entered the living room, and found his father laying on the ground dead, shot twice in the head, having just been killed moments prior. Ethan moved over to his father, before Albert Wesker walked out of his father's office.

Ethan barely has much time to react to him, overwhelmed by his own panic and the death of the only adult in his life. Wesker - wanting no witnesses - shoots him three times in the chest, and leaves under the impression the child is dead for good.

Ethan Winters dies for the first time that evening.

[September, 27, 1998]

For the past two days, Mia and her parents have been barricaded in their home, unable to leave safely. Mia sat in her room for most of the time, unable to look out of the windows due to boards covering them. During those two days Mia tries to call Ethan and Kyde several times in hopes that they were safe. Neither of them answer.

Until this day, the 27th, at 2:00 am, when she calls Ethan. And he answers.

{TRANSCRIPT OF THEIR CALL:}

Ethan: h-hello?

Mia: [Ethan]! You're alive! Are you okay?

Ethan: I'm breathing. [Pause] I'm breathing. You okay?

Mia: I'm boarded up in my house, we can't leave safely. Everything is a mess. I'm so glad you're alive, [Ethan]. Are you safe? I'm guessing you're safe.

Ethan: Not sure. Not sure. Find you soon, here alone. Alone.

Mia: Alone? What happened? Where's your dad?

Ethan: [Pause.] [Loud sound in the distance.]

Mia: [Ethan]? Are you okay?

Ethan: [Dial tone.]

Mia speaks with her parents about the call, expressing worry about her friend. She spends a while trying to convince her parents that Ethan may be alive (purposefully omitting the dial tone) and need their help. Finally, they agree, and at 12 pm, they head out with all the resources they could gather.

Managing to stay out of sight, the family make it to the Winters' household. They find Ethan hiding in his bedroom, one infected laying in the hallway with a pole through its head and Ethan's father laying in the living room dead.

They rescue Ethan, and flee from the house. Mia's parents explain that they need to evacuate the city, but that they wouldn't be able to drive, so they'd have to move on foot. They returned to their house and rested for the night.

[September, 28, 1998]

The family and Ethan head out again, this time aiming to evacuate the city. After several close encounters with large groups of infected, the kids and Mia's parents are unfortunately separated. Given instructions by her parents, Mia leads Ethan through the city, having to take detours due to infected blocking pathways.

Eventually, during the night, they run into Kyde, who has lost his parents trying to escape the city. The three of them take refuge in an empty abandoned house, and rest for the walk in the morning.

Ethan sits up for a while, thinking about what happened to him, and trying to figure out how to explain it to his friends. Eventually he falls asleep, unable to figure it out. In the morning they head out again.

[September, 29-30, 1998]

During another detour taken due to large groups of infected, Ethan is kidnapped by a man in a white lab coat.

Mia & Kyde go after them, refusing to leave Ethan behind. They manage to find him after roughly half a day had passed.

Ethan had been in a hysterical state and through tears he explains to Mia and Kyde what had happened to him in his house a few days ago, confessing that he had died and revived two days later. He warns the two of them that whatever Jake, the white lab coat man, did to him, it made him dangerous and unstable.

Mia and Kyde refused again to leave him behind, and spend hours gathering information from files and research left scattered around. They manage to make Something that was able to calm him down and cleanse what they had learned had been called the "T-virus" from his body.

As soon as Ethan had woken up again, they fleed the facility, Mia & Kyde both making sure he didn't collapse on the way.

[October, 1, 1998]

They don't stop running when they're out. A broadcast goes out saying that the city will be blown up in four hours due to being unable to contain the outbreak. The three of them realize they won't be able to get out if they take anymore detours unless they find a vehicle with gas in it and a clear road to drive on.

Three hours later, out of options, nearly to the city boarder, and faced with another group of infected blocking the only straight shot out, they decide to risk a run through. However, just as they were pushing through, a helicopter flew overhead and spotted them. Calling to them, the pilot tells them to attempt making it up a building nearby if they could.

Through pure bullshittery and luck, they manage to make it up, and they board the helicopter. Just as it begins to take flight, the city starts to blow up bit by bit. In the distance, they see other helicopters flying.

> AFTER THE AU <

Mia and her parents reunite, her parents having managed to get out before the children did. Kyde goes to live with his relatives in Texas, and Ethan is offered to live with them as well.

Mia's parents move back to their texas home, and everyone who had been in the city were given therapy. Eventually the three grow up and graduate from highschool, and move on to other things, never once separating.

The three of them eventually move into a single house together in California, and some time after that Mia and Ethan get married. And for a while they live happily

And then, Mia witnesses Ethan having some sort of attack in the middle of the night one time, and realizes that he hadn't been completely cured of whatever had been infecting him in the city at all, and that it had only gone dormant for some years. While he wasn't vicious or attacking anyone, Ethan had just been really plagued and didn't even remember the fits that only seemed to happen every other night.

Out of worry and fear, Mia begins to work for the Connections, hoping there was something she could learn from them in order to help her husband finally be cured. And years after, RE7 began.

And THAT, my friends, is my Raccoon City Survivors au with the Winters, also known as Raccoon City Winters.

[kpop---scenarios]

Into The Night (2)

Pairing: Kai x Reader 

Warnings: Unprotected Smut, Angst, 

Word Count: 6.9k 

A/N: I'm sorry!!

As the rain pours down, it soaks you but you have a hard time finding the urge to care. You watch the staircase from in front of your car, waiting for the man you love, the man you hoped loved you enough to come chase after you. You desperately wanted him to tell you that you were enough for him and that he had enough of the business that was taking so much from him. 

But he never came. 

A part of you must have known he wouldn't give it up, not for you. It wasn't as though you were anything special anyway. You were you, and he was a god, someone who deserved more than just you. 

You closed your eyes and for a moment imagined what it would have been like had he chased you. Kai running down the stairs, into the rain to take you in his arms and tell you how much he loved you and needed you, that you were first, that you were enough. 

But instead, you got into your car soaked and cried hard while driving to your apartment. Maybe he didn't love you as much as you thought he did. Maybe you truly weren't enough for him. 

Day by day, you stared at your phone, reading the last text he had sent you before you left. It was the last time he had typed out the words you wished you could hear from his lips right now, even if you don't deserve them.

"I love you." 

You can still hear the faint whispers of him saying the words in your head, but as time goes on the whispers get quieter and quieter, slowly fading away. 

**

Every week something changed, for the better, and you noticed yourself becoming yourself again. You stopped agonizing over the fact that he hadn't texted you, then you stopped caring that he hadn't called you. If he had been the man you thought he was, he would have reached out, maybe tried to explain himself. But he didn't, so maybe he wasn't the man for you. 

A month had gone by and you started going to coffee shops with your friends, finally getting out of the house. 

Six months had gone by and you were washing your hair and doing your makeup, feeling like yourself again. 

A year later, you were thriving. You had a great group of friends, you were putting yourself out there with guys and you had just been promoted at work, which tonight, this wonderful Friday, you were celebrating with your group of friends at a new club in the city. 

"I will be there soon." You laugh into the speaker, looking out the window of the cab to see where you were. "Promise, like two minutes away." You tell Moonbyul, pressing the end call button. 

The cab driver pulls up to the club and you see Moonbyul, Wheein and Solar waiting outside for you. 

"Fucking finally." Moonbyul groans, pulling you in for a hug. The others join in, congratulating you on your promotion. 

"Come." Wheein squeals. "I got us the best table." She finishes, pulling you inside the club. 

You walk in and it's jam-packed with people. You squeeze her arm as you navigate through the massive amounts of bodies, finally settling at a table with your three best friends. 

"First." Solar pauses. "Shots." She smiles as four shots are delivered to your table. 

"That was cool." You laugh. 

The four of you down your shots. 

"Next," Wheein says. "More shots." Another round is placed on your table, one in front of each of you. 

The four of you take your shots again. 

Half an hour later, you had already done four shots and had two drinks, and to say you were feeling it would be an understatement. 

"I'm going.." hiccup. "To the bathroom." You giggle, ungracefully sliding from your chair and stumbling your way to the bathroom. You close your eyes for a split second as you walk past the bar, trying to ease the spinning when you bump into a hard chest. 

You open your eyes and look up, immediately thinking your eyes are playing tricks on you. You blink a few times before stumbling back, shaking your head slightly and looking back up at the man.. the man you once loved. 

"Kai?" You whispered. 

"Ayn.." he says. "It's good to see you." 

"Yeah.. um, you too." You say, unsure of really what to say. There were a few things you had planned to say to him had you ever actually run into him but you truly never thought that situation would arise. 

"How have you been?" You ask. 

Not what you wanted to say. 

"Good, good." He smiles that radiant smile that just melts your heart. "I quit the business." He says. 

Your heart drops. 

"When?" You ask, a little confused. 

"About nine months ago." He answers. 

You scoff. 

"So three months after you let me run out because you were never going to give it up?" You ask. You can feel the anger rising inside of you. 

"I.. well, Hwasa helped me realize." He says. Seconds later a gorgeous woman slides her manicured hand over his shoulder as he wraps his arm around her waist. 

You look at Kai confused, and heartbroken all over again. 

"Hi, I'm Hwasa, Kai's fiancee." She purrs, holding out her hand with a big diamond ring on the right finger. 

"Fiancee?" You breathe. "I tried.. for you.. and I wasn't good enough.. but you knew her for three months and she got you to quit and propose? What the fuck was I? Did you even love me?" You yell. 

"Ayn.. let's not do this here.." Kai says, looking uncomfortable. 

"No, I'm not doing anything... I’m...I can't breathe." You cry, turning around to stumble from the crowded building. You burst through the door, the cool outside air hitting you hard as you gasp for breath. 

Kai, the man you loved was now with someone else, someone who seemed worthy of him, not to mention he left.. he left the business behind. The one that you weren't good enough for him to leave. You weren't good enough to fight for apparently. 

With your feet dragging, you walk the long-distance home, ignoring the buzzing of your cellphone as you try to keep the tears from falling. You lost. 

**

The next morning you woke up, feeling as though a train had smashed into your life - oh wait, it did. You recall the events of last night and how your heart was shattered for a second time by the same man, in less than a year. You grab your phone, looking at the time, 11:34 am. Before you set your phone down, it buzzes an incoming message. You open your messages and your heart drops as you immediately recognize the phone number. 

Kai. 

[11:35 am] 17362592474: I'm sorry about that. Can we talk? 

It took all you had in you to not call him and scream at him. He's sorry about that, he's sorry? For what exactly? The fact that he didn't come after you, or the fact that he got engaged so quickly after leaving you shattered and a shell of the person you were before. 

You threw your phone to the corner of your room. You couldn't deal with this today. So instead of answering him back, you went about your Saturday. You went for a jog but you never did stop thinking about the woman, Hwasa who was so perfect and seemed so perfect for him. They were a gorgeous couple, one of those couples who should be featured in all the magazines. You didn't compare to her, clearly. 

That night you stayed in, ignoring the ringing of your phone that still sat in the corner of your room and instead binge-watched the saddest kdramas you could find and cried, while also stuffing your face. 

You woke up Sunday feeling terribly bloated, with an even worse headache but none of that compared to how your heart felt. As much as you didn't want to admit it, as much as this would absolutely fuck with all the progress you made in the last you, you still loved him. Seeing him Friday night confirmed that, you would still forgive him if you had the chance. 

Now you spent the rest of your Sunday agonizing over a decision you needed to make. 

Text him back, or ignore it? 

**

Monday morning you sat at your desk, chewing on your fingernail as you stared at the message on your phone that you had read almost a thousand times over. 

Can we talk? 

Sure, you wanted to talk, you had a lot of things you wanted to say to him. You grabbed your phone, typing the message before throwing it on your desk and trying to focus on some work. 

[10:12 am] You: Sure. Let's talk. 6 pm, my place. I'd rather this not be public. *Address*  

[10:14 am] 17362592474: See you then, Ayn. 

You roll your eyes at his reply. Boy, was he going to get an ear full. 

You paced in front of your door, checking your phone every 3 seconds. Time was moving so slowly as you waited for Kai to show up. You ran lines through your head, planning out exactly what you were going to say to him. You were ready and prepared to go off. 

You checked your phone again. 

5:59 pm 

Knock 

Knock. 

You stood in front of your door and took a deep breath before opening it. You almost gasped at the sight of him. He looked so good, but seriously, he had the audacity to look that good and show up here? What the fuck. 

"Hi, Ayn." He smiles. "Are you going to let me in?" He asks. 

"Oh." You say, coming out of your trance. You open the door wider, allowing him to come in before closing the door behind you. 

 "Nice place." He says, looking around. You lean against the door, your arms crossed as you try to remember the first thing you wanted to say. 

"Thanks." You whisper. 

That wasn't it. 

"Hwasa and I are on a break." He begins. "Look, I'm really sor.." he started to say before you cut him off. 

"Don't." You yell, raising your hands to your ears. "I don't want to hear that you're sorry." You spit. "Sorry doesn't make up the fact that you didn’t chase me. Sorry doesn't make up for the fact that you met someone 3 months after you let me walk out of your life like I was nothing, and then you got engaged! You really are.." you say before now he cut you off, this time with his lips. 

You hadn't even noticed him walking towards you until his lips were pressed against yours. Your eyes are still wide open as you realize what's happening. You place your hands on his shoulders, pushing him away. You're shocked as you gently touch your lips before raising your hand and slapping him. 

You look at him, up and down before grabbing his collar and pulling him back to you, latching your lips onto his. He wraps his arms around you pulling you in close. He backs up, pushing you against your door as he hikes up your skirt, his knee pressed in between your legs. You break the kiss and his lips travel to your neck, your hands now in between the two of you, unbuckling his belt. He shimmies his pants down, along with his boxers, his cock springing free. 

Kai places his hands behind your legs, picking you up and pressing you against the door once again. He lines up his cock before pushing himself into you with a gasp as his head rests in the crook of your neck. Your hands-on his shoulders as he thrusts himself into you, making you moan loudly. 

"Fuck." He grunts, his fingertips digging into the back of your legs as he fucks you. Your hand moves to his hair, running your fingers through his locks as he hits all the right spots, your clit being rubbed perfectly. 

You can feel his hot breath on your neck, his lips pressing a kiss as you cry out, loudly. 

"Just like that." You moan as your orgasm builds. "Don't stop." You cry, your fingers gripping tightly onto his hair. 

"Cum for me, please." He begs, you wrap your arms around his neck as your orgasm flows through your body, making you scream. 

Kai thrusts faster as he chases his high, spilling himself into you. "Oh god." He moans as he thrusts lightly, coming down from his high. 

You're both still for a moment, Kai still inside you as you both breathe heavily. "Shit." He whispers, pulling out. "That was a mistake." He says, pulling up his pants and buckling his belt back up. 

"What?" You ask, tears now brimming in your eyes. 

"No, that's not what I meant." He tries to assure you. "I meant the timing was a mistake, not you, never you." He says. 

"No, I get it. I wasn't good enough for you then, why would I be good enough for you now." You spit. "Get out." 

"Ayn.. please. It's not what I meant. I miss you!" He pleads. 

"Get out now!" You cry. The tears roll down your cheeks as he looks at you with such despair, to just listen to him. You don't care. You were a mistake. 

You storm towards your window, pushing it open as you struggle to catch your breath. How could you be so stupid as to let him fuck you, let him back into your life like that? 

This was a mistake 

I miss you.

Did he though? Did he miss you? 

You let out a loud and frustrated grunt as you swiftly moved around your apartment, rage cleaning. How could you let him come up here and taint your fresh, drama and Kai free space? Bad Ayn. 

Heading for your cabinets, you reach for your favourite cleaner, the one that smells like happiness to you and you begin your work. You scrub your door, cleaning away the sweat, the reminder that you let him fuck you against your door. You wash your floors, making sure to clean where he stood extra hard. 

When you were finally satisfied with your house and the cleanliness and freshness of your place, you went to take care of yourself, spending an absurd amount of time in the shower. You used different soaps especially on your neck, you washed your hair a few times and your fingers, trying desperately to get the smell of him off of you, trying to get the feeling of being called a mistake off of you. 

After your shower, you sat in your robe, in a chair in the living room, your finger hovering over the cold button on your cell phone. You needed to call Jisoo and tell her about this but you were slightly nervous about her reaction. You closed your eyes and pressed the call button and took a few deep breaths as you listened to the sound of the phone ringing. 

"Heeelloooooo." She answers in a singing voice. 

"I did a thing." You whisper into the phone. 

"A thing? Ooh, what kind of thing?" She asks. 

"A bad thing." You reply. 

"Do tell." She says excitedly. 

"I accidentally..slept with Kai." You whisper. 

She says nothing. 

"I'm sorry. WHAT?" She gasps. "Kai? As in, you just got over Kai? That Kai?" 

"That Kai, yes." You whisper. 

"Giiiiiirl." She screams. "So you're back together? I always loved the two of you together." 

"He has a fiancee." You whisper. 

"I'm sorry again, WHAT?" She says. "And you still fucked him?" 

"Well, he said they're on a break." You nervously laugh. 

"Shit girl. How do you feel?" She asks. 

"He said it was a mistake. The timing was a mistake but all I heard was I'm a mistake." You answer. 

"What'd you do?" 

"Kicked him out." You laugh. 

"Yas best friend, you go best friend." She laughs. "But in all seriousness, are you okay?" 

"I don't know." You respond. "I still love him, and I know I could forgive him but I don't know if I should. He broke me, and it took a long time to fix that and then he's got this new girl, and shit.. what do I do, Ji?" You sigh. 

"This is something you have to figure out for yourself. I can’t be the one to tell you what to do, as much as I would like to, this is you." She responds. 

"Thanks, Ji." You say before hanging up the phone. She was right, you had a lot of thinking to do but also, you really need to talk to Kai. 

** 

Kai sat on his couch with his head thrown back as he replayed this evening's events through his head, over and over again. He will admit, he shouldn't have kissed you but it couldn't help it. He really had missed you. He stared at your lips as you yelled at him and he thought about kissing you, then bam, he was doing it and he didn't want it to stop, but then you slapped him and kissed him back and everything escalated from there. 

He lets out a loud groan as he thinks about his life and where he was now, he felt like he was going insane. Everything was so fucked up, and in all honesty, it was his fault. Had he just gone after you, none of this would have happened. You would be here, laying in his arms, and you both would be happy but instead, you're broken and it's his fault and he's still in love with you. 

Kai thinks back to that day, the one when he let you get away and fuck does he ever wish he could have a redo of that day. The amount of shame he felt for what he did was indescribable. 

"Either you want it, or you don't. So let me know." You finished before walking away, and Kai stood there. He couldn't move as you closed the door behind you. He was hurt, angry and ashamed. You were so much more important than his business and he wanted to tell you that, but his pride wouldn't let him. He wanted you to be more understanding of his job and realize that it was just that, a job. So he waited. 

He waited for you to return, he waited for a text, a phone call, something - anything but it never came. He thought maybe you needed time but as the weeks went by he slowly began to realize that you had left him and it hurt. It had been too long now, he couldn't crawl back so maybe you would. If he was lucky, you would be the one to reach out to him. 

One night he had gone to a restaurant - alone. He ordered a glass of wine, and his meal and sat in silence as he watched the happy couples smile and laugh. He wanted that, with you. As he was lost in thought someone tripped beside him, dropping a purse. He knelt down to help and when he looked at the woman, he was shocked, she was breathtaking but nothing compared to you. 

Maybe that's what he needed, a distraction, someone to help him get over you. She smiled at him and he smiled back. "Thank you for your help." She says. 

"No problem. Are you okay?" He asks, seeing the tears in her eyes.

"Terrible date." She sniffles. 

"Would you like to join me…" he pauses. 

"Hwasa." She smiles. 

"Would you like to join me Hwasa?" He asks.  

"I would love to.." she pauses. 

"Kai." 

"Yes, Kai, I would love to " 

A few months later he was looking at the engagement ring he had bought, that was supposed to be for you and Hwasa had caught him, immediately screaming yes and crying. She was so happy. So he slid the ring on her finger and decided to keep it to himself. A few weeks later, he handed the business over to Baekhyun, not because Hwasa had convinced him like she thought but because he worried she would try to take it over. 

Kai was a little in over his head with her, especially when he couldn't stop thinking about you but he just couldn't bring himself to end it with Hwasa. He felt guilty, it had been too long now, maybe he was stuck. Maybe this is what he deserved, his karma for not chasing you. 

** 

A few days later, you glanced at the clock as you finished your paperwork, it was 9 pm. You let out a big yawn, stretching out your arms. There was a faint knock at your door, so you finished your stretch as you walked over to see who was here so late. You looked through the peephole and saw Kai standing there swaying. Your heart was in your stomach, you most definitely weren't prepared for this. 

With a shaky hand, you turned the doorknob and opened the door slightly. "What are you doing here?" You ask, looking both ways down the hallway. 

"I fucking miss you," Kai yells. "Please let me in." He begs. 

You can hear your neighbours beginning to get annoyed, so you opened the door fully and grabbed Kai by his shirt to drag him in.

"You can't just show up here like this." You say, crossing your arms. "You're engaged." You finish, those last few words felt so bitter coming out of your mouth. 

"I'm not… I'm not engaged." Kai says, walking closer to you. He pulls you in, just holding you but your arms are still crossed. "Please.. hold me back." He whispers. 

As a tear rolls down your cheek, you uncross your arms holding onto him tightly. The two of you stand there for a moment, you take in his smell, remembering what he used to smell like. It's the same, but whiskey added tonight. 

"Come." You whisper, letting go of him, and pulling him towards your shower. You run the hot water as he stands there. "There are towels in here." You say pointing to the cabinet. "I'll have some clothes for you when you're done." You finish, leaving the bathroom to let him do his thing. 

He's not in there for very long. A few minutes later you look up to see him standing there with his towel wrapped around his waist with water dripping from his hair. You bite your lip at the sight of him, taking a deep breath and remembering you can't. You can't do that. 

"Here." You whisper, handing him some old clothes of his that you never got rid of. You felt a little ashamed to have kept them this long but it was something you could get over.  You turn around as he drops his towel, you can hear him sigh as he slides on his clothes  

"Done." He says, his voice low and shaky. 

"You need to sleep this off." You say, opening your bed covers. Kai crawls in, scooting over for you. 

"Please?" He asks, patting the open space beside him. 

"I can't." You whisper. "I'll be on the couch." You finish, walking away and turning out the lights as you make your way to the couch. 

** 

Kai wakes up startled. He sits up in bed, confused about where he is, he looks over at the clock, it reads 4:49 am and then he remembers. He came to your house, you hugged him back, put him in the shower and tucked him in. You were so good. 

Kai crawls out of bed, feeling his way out of your room and making his way to the living room. 

He walks in and sees you curled up on the couch, a small piece of your hair covering your face. He smiles at how peaceful and happy you look in your sleep. He misses watching you sleep at night, just looking at you and feeling so unbelievably grateful that you were his. Kai bends down, scooping you up in his arms and bringing you to your bed. He places you down, covering your shivering body as he crawls in beside you, making sure to leave space between you two. He wished he could wrap his arm around you and fall asleep with his face buried in the crook of your neck, but instead he fell back asleep with his face buried in your pillow and tears rolling down his cheeks. 

That morning you wake up, feeling extra warm. You stretch out your back, pushing out your ass and you're met with something hard pushed up against you. Your eyes shoot open as you feel a hand sliding over your stomach, pulling you in closer. You shouldn't be doing this but fuck, you missed him, you missed this and everything that came with it. 

A few minutes couldn't hurt. So you snuggled back into him, relishing in the feeling of being held by him again, his strong arms wrapped around you, making you feel like the safest person in the world. Your personality made a bit of a flip and you began scooting your ass back a little more, lightly grinding yourself on his cock. 

"Mhmm." He groans, pushing himself against your ass harder. "Goodmorning." He says, his voice husky and quiet. 

"Goodmorning." You whisper. 

"Can I.. just." He pauses, pushing himself into you further. You weren't sure what came over you, maybe it was the trance that you always seem to be in around him but you opened your legs, giving Kai the invitation to enter. 

He lets out a loud groan as he moves to pull his sweats and boxers down, his cock ready as it drips precum. You open your legs a little more, letting him move your panties to the side before he slides himself inside you, stretching out your pussy.

"Fuck." You whimper as he slides in and out of you slowly, making you crave more. He pulls up your shirt, exposing your bare breasts before cupping one, twiddling your nipple between his fingers. 

You reach your hand down between your legs, pressing down on your throbbing clit before gently rubbing as Kai continues to thrust inside of you. His face is pressed into your neck, nipping gently as his hot breath flows over you. 

"I've missed you." He breathes. "Your scent, your face, your body, your pussy, everything about you." He groans. Kai continues to fuck you, his hand leaving your breast to move up, wrapping around your neck. He lightly squeezes, making you moan loudly as your orgasm builds. 

"I missed you." You cry out, rubbing yourself faster, needing your release. 

Kai's hand around your neck tightens as you both cum, your body squirming as he fills you up. You both lay there, breathing, taking a moment. He releases your neck but instead of moving away from you, holds you closely for a few minutes. 

Kai springs out of bed a few minutes later, pulling on a shirt before finding his shoes. "Shit." He panics. 

"What are you doing?" You ask, very confused. 

"I have to go to work. I'm already late." He chuckles. "I will text you." He says, kissing you gently on the cheek before running out the door, leaving you standing there with his cum dripping down your leg. 

"Rude." You scoff, making your way to shower. Before you get in you text Jisoo, asking her to lunch because now, you have more news. 

She texts back immediately confirming and telling you she can't wait. 

**

"Again!?" Jisoo yells, throwing her hands up in the air while you hide behind your hands. "You slept with him, again." She sighs. 

"It was a.." you begin. 

"I will cut you if you say it was a mistake." Jisoo threatens. "Look, you guys need to chat about what the fuck is happening because you have me confused." 

"You're confused? I'm also confused." You sigh, taking a sip of your drink. 

"Excuse me." You hear from beside you. You look up and see a very handsome man standing in front of your table. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I just thought you were stunning and wanted to give you my number. If you are interested in a date, call me, if not at least I know I gave it a shot." He smiles, placing a napkin in front of you before walking away. 

You and Jisoo laugh as you slip the note into your purse. Considering how things were going with Kai, you didn't think you would need it. You finished your lunch with Jisoo and said goodbye before you went on a stroll and headed back to your apartment. You thought about your morning with Kai and smiled like an idiot as you skipped down the sidewalk, feeling like you were on top of the world. 

As you neared your apartment, you decided to stop and grab an iced coffee, maybe even a cookie from your favourite shop until suddenly you weren't very thirsty anymore, but instead, your heart sunk as your throat dried up. You looked in the window of the coffee shop and saw Kai sitting there with Hwasa, his hand in hers as they laughed. 

You pulled out your phone and dialled his number. You watched as he checked to see who was calling and then put his phone down, ignoring the call. 

With your heart hurting, you continued to walk to your apartment. You decided you were done being played by him and reached in your purse, digging for the napkin the stranger had given you earlier. If Kai wanted to play games with you, fuck with your feelings for him, well then you could do the same, and make him hurt more. 

The minute you got home you sat at your kitchen table, dialling the number the man had given you. 

"Hello?" He answers. 

"Hi." You say. "I realized that I never got your name." You smile. 

"I'm sorry." He laughs. "I don't usually do that so I was a little nervous. My name is Taemin." He tells you. For some reason his name made you smile widely. 

"Nice to meet you, Taemin. My name is Ayn." You say. 

"Well Ayn, would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?" He asks. 

"I would love to." You answer, without a second thought. Kai was pushed so far to the back of your mind, you didn't even feel guilty about saying yes to Taemin, Kai could have Hwasa. 

"7 pm, Jungsik Seoul. Is it okay if we meet there?" He asks. 

"Yes, that sounds perfect. See you tomorrow." You say, hanging up after he says goodbye. 

You were truly excited, maybe this means you and Kai weren't meant for each other. Setting your phone on the table, you walk away, trying to decide what you wanted to have for dinner tonight when your phone rang again. You made the mistake of answering it without even looking at who was calling, you were just trying to be happy. 

"Hello?" You answer, a little tune in your voice. 

"Hi, beautiful." You hear on the other end. 

"Kai?" You ask.

"Yes, baby, you and me, tomorrow night. Can we talk please?" He asks. 

"No." You spit. "I saw you with Hwasa at the coffee shop this afternoon. You were smiling while holding her hand. So much for a break. I really continue to surprise myself at how many times I'll let you fuck with my heart." 

"Ayn." He says but you don't stop. 

"I have a date tomorrow night." You say. "He's taking me to Jungsik Seoul. So I'm busy, bye." You finish, hanging up the phone. You toss your phone onto your couch, heading to the bathroom and slamming the door behind you, your mood now completely ruined. 

**

You stood outside the restaurant in your red flowy dress and heels as you waited for Taemin to show up. You checked your phone again and it was only 6:57pm, so it's not like he was late, you were just a naturally early person. 

"Hey." You hear from behind you. You turn around and see Taemin walking up to you, in his suit that fit him perfectly, his hair laid out in a perfect way to shape his face, his plump lips spread into a smile. 

"Hi." You smile. 

"Have you been waiting long?" He asks, pulling the door open for you. 

"Just a few minutes." You say, walking into the restaurant. "Not long at all." 

"Reservation for Lee Taemin." He tells the man at the front who then takes you to your seats. 

As the two of you look over the menu, the conversation is flowing and you can't control your laughter. You were having an amazing time with Taemin, but your heart wasn't fully in it. You took a sip of your wine as Taemin looked past you, slightly confused. 

"Hey man." He says, standing up. 

"What the hell are you doing?" You hear from behind you. It's Kai. 

"I'm on a date man," Taemin says, pointing to you. 

"With Ayn." Kai snaps. 

"Like.. the Ayn?" Taemin asks, looking between you both. 

"Yeah." Kai answers.

"Bro, I'm sorry, I didn't know," Taemin says, putting his hands up to surrender. 

"You don't get to do this." You spit, standing up from the table. "You don't get to waltz in here and pull this shit." 

"He's a friend, Ayn. He knows about everything and how bad I've wanted you back." Kai tries to explain. 

"Oh, I'm sure you wanted me back so bad." You scoff. "That's why you were getting all cozy with Hwasa yesterday right? That was wanting me back, right?" You yell, crying again. "I'm tired of you lying to me about her. Either you're done with her or you're not." You finish in a whisper. 

"I am done. Look, Ayn, it's not what you think at all. Please, please let me explain." He begs. 

You look around the restaurant at all the people watching you and your drama. "Fine." You whisper, sitting down slowly into your seat. 

"Do you mind?" Kai asks Taemin, pointing to his seat. 

"Get your girl, man." Taemin smiles, walking out of the restaurant, leaving you both to talk. 

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom." You sniffle, earning a smile from Kai. 

You walk to the bathroom, with the plans of fixing up your makeup, trying to make yourself look somewhat presentable again. But you never had expected to see Hwasa standing in the bathroom, leaning against the wall as if she was waiting for you.

"Awh." She fake pouts. "Poor little Ayn. Are you upset that you're trying to ruin someone else's relationship?" She asks. 

You ignore her. 

Hwasa laughs. "Do you think you've won because he's sitting out there wanting to talk to you? Sweetie, he walked out on you once, what makes you think he won't do it again?" She smiles. "If I were you, I'd be so insecure because I'm not giving up my man." She spits, walking out of the bathroom. 

Fuck your makeup, you storm right out of the bathroom and head for the table you share with Kai. "Are you done with her?" You ask, slamming your hands on the table. 

"W-what?" He asks. "Yes, I don't want her." 

"Then you should probably let her know because she just told me in the bathroom that she's not giving you up." You tell him. 

Kai stands up, looking around the restaurant. "Hwasa." He calls out. 

She smiles widely as she walks towards the table. "Hi, baby." She purrs, sliding her arm onto his shoulder. 

Kai pushes her off. "Look, I told you yesterday over coffee, I'm done. I don't want you." Kai growls. 

"Are you forgetting our little arrangement?" Hwasa scoffs. "I can pull out my money and you'll be ruined." She threatens. 

"You'll have your money back tomorrow, first thing. You're not hanging this over my head anymore, Hwasa." Kai spits, pointing to her face. "Get it through your thick skull, it's always been her." He finishes, walking towards you, taking  your hand and pulling you from the restaurant, leaving Hwasa standing there, looking like a fool. 

** 

It had now been a year of you and Kai being back together and they have been the best year of your life. After that night at the restaurant, you and Kai sat down and had a very long talk about everything, clearing the air, no more secrets. Slowly as the days went on, you began to trust him more and more, which led to you slowly dating again. 

After a few months you didn't want to do the slow thing anymore. You wanted him fully. You had no doubts about your relationship, and you didn't want to wait to give yourself fully to him. Kai had your heart in his hands, and you knew he would never do anything to break it again. 

** 

"You're lying." Kai whispers, staring at Hwasa with wide eyes. "You can't.. it's not mine." Kai says. 

"The Night of the hotel with the papers. That wasn't Ayn you were with. It was me." She tells you. 

Kai closes his eyes, flashing back to that night four months ago. 

"I miss you." You pout into the phone, making Kai chuckle on the other end. 

"I miss you too, baby." He groans. "I'm going to kill Baekhyun for this." 

"You can't kill him. He needs his best friend. Make sure you're safe tonight. I have something exciting to tell you when you get home in the morning." You smile, looking over at the positive pregnancy test sitting on the kitchen table. 

"Okay baby, they're calling me, so I will see you in the morning. I love you." He sighs. 

"I love you more." You whisper before hanging up the phone. 

**

"Sorry about that." Kai says, putting his phone in his pocket. 

"No worries." Hwasa answers, sliding papers towards him. "These are the transfer of ownership papers." She says, pouring a glass on whiskey for Kai. 

"This is all you called me here for? To give me papers?" He asks. 

"Yes." Hwasa answers. "Actually, I do have a question." She says.

Kai takes the glass drinking the shot before Hwasa fills it up again. 

"Why Ayn?" She asks. "What is so special about her?" 

Kai chuckles as he drinks another shot, and another one. "She was the first one to think of me as more than just a dick." Kai answers. "She saw i was worth more than being just a good fuck." 

Hwasa nods her head as she pours Kai another shot, his body beginning to feel warm. 

"I think you're more than just your dick." Hwasa whispers, pushing the shit towards him, leaning in closely to Kai. 

He takes a breath, smelling the air. It smells like you, he can smell your perfume. "Ayn." He smiles. His world spins slightly as he takes the shot. He looks up and he swears he sees you sitting across from him. 

"Lets go to bed." He hears. A woman helps him up, taking him up to a hotel room and laying him in the bed. 

"Ayn, my sweet baby. I like your dress." He smiles as he squints his eyes, watching the dress fall to the floor. 

"I want you." He hears a whisper, making him groan. 

"Oh baby, I want you too." Kai groans, unblocking his belt. 

He watches as his cock is pulled out. He closes his eyes as a mouth wraps around his tip, teasing him with a tongue before sucking hard, bobbing up and down as his cock gets sucked. 

"Fuck." He huffs, his hands reaching up and grabbing a chunk of hair, holding the head steady as he thrusts himself up, his cock sliding down the throat. 

"Ride my cock." He whimpers. 

His eyes are still closed as he feels a body climb up the bed, hovering over him before sitting on his cock. "Oh god." He hears moaned from above. He places his hands on hips, helping rock back and forth. 

"You always feel so good around my cock." He whines, his fingertips digging into the thighs on top of him. 

"Cum." He demands, his teeth clenched together. He listens to the sweet sound of moans from above him, as fingertips dig into his chest. 

It doesn't take long for Kai to cum, filling up the warm pussy that surrounds his cock. 

"Fuck, I love you." He sighs before falling asleep. 

In the morning Kai wakes up startled and confused. He remembers drinking with Hwasa, but he must have drank too much. He looks over and sees Hwasa sleeping in the other bed in the room, both of them still fully clothed. He went home that morning and told you about the wild sex dream he had about you, and you told him you were pregnant. 

** 

Kai walks in the door of your shared apartment and sees you standing there, with two tiny baby onesies, one with blue writing and one with pink. 

"It's twins babe." You cry. "A boy and a girl!" 

Kai walks towards you, dropping to his knees, sobbing with his head down.

"I'm so sorry Ayn, I fucked up." He whispers. "Hwasa's pregnant and it's mine." 

[bts-teaspoonff]

Fangirl pt. 2

Genre: Romance, Slow Burn, Idol A/U

Pairing: BTS OT7 x reader

Rating: PG

Summary: Y/N, being a huge fangirl, finally got her chance to work alongside her favorite idol group as a backup dancer. She gets to know each member personally and realizes that her feelings may be more than fangirl-idol attraction.

Word Count: 4K

Taglist: @nochujeonjk​

PARTS: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ... masterlist

“Hey there, early bird! I missed you!” As I was patting off the dust from my backside, my slight irritation was gone as my brother rushed to give me a big hug. We barely see each other nowadays, now that I live alone. We used to live together but he moved in with his girlfriend around three months ago. We used to be two peas in a pod, never leaving each other’s side. Best friends. I don’t hate that he moved out, though. I actually learned to be a lot more independent due to that, and I gained a new friend which was his girlfriend. She’s older than us by two years so I guess I gained an older sister through him. “Did you eat breakfast? Or maybe brunch?” he peeked at his watch as he continues to hug me.

“Only a roll of kimbap from the aunty across my building. I don’t want to eat a lot when I’m nervous.” I giggled as I release him from my arms.

He exclaimed with his mouth agape. “Right. You tend to vomit when you’re really nervous.” He pats my shoulder and escorted me up the steps and through the doors. “Don’t worry, they’ll love you. Those guys are really nice, but I can’t say anything about your new teammates since they’re new as well. Let’s just pray they treat you well.” He pats my head in adoration. We arrived at the front desk and I proceeded to ask for Mina. She gave me a visitor’s ID and my brother broke my conversation with her when she offered to give me directions, telling that he’ll escort me on the floor where I’m needed instead.

We exited the elevator and he directed me to a hallway with huge glass door at the end. We turned and maneuvered our way to another hallway with two huge frosted glass. He pushed the door and I could see the whole floor until the other end of the building, with rows of cubicles and people with eyes glued to their screens. A beautiful, cozy and conducive workplace. Some were huddling and discussing, and a few of them were chatting and exchanging laughs. Jiyong pulled my hand and we increased our pace. “I want you to meet my team.”

I was greeted by somewhat familiar faces as I recognize them from my last video call with my brother. Three men and two women were chatting around a circular table in a small room. Some of them got up from their seats as my brother entered the room with me following him behind.

“Wow. Now that we see you in person, you both really look alike. That’s amazing.” One female rushed to my brother’s side, pushed him against me, and gazed at our faces. I stared at my brother and he also stared back. We both chortle as we both felt amused with his workmates. We grew up used to people amazed with us looking so similar to each other, being identical twins. I spent a few moments with my brother’s workmates and they congratulated me as they discover that I’ll work for the same company along them. They gave lots of advices, tips and whatnots to make work life here easier. My brother proceeded to excuse both of us out the room, across the huge office space and back to the elevator.

“I know you don’t want to eat but let me at least get you coffee or something small to bite. I don’t think you had coffee yet, and we both know how you function without it.” I actually forgot to make coffee for myself back at home or even dropped by my favorite coffee shop along the way. I was too nervous to actually remember. “Relax sis.” He giggled as he rubbed his hands on my shoulder, pushing me inside the elevator.

He escorted me to the cafeteria in the lobby. He offered to pay and I obliged. I ordered a really huge cup of Iced Americano and he ordered his coffee and snack. I missed spending quality time like this with my brother, though brief. I glanced at my watch and it was already 9:40 am. I gulped down my coffee within 5 minutes, almost choking with how swift I finished it. I pushed his arm to alert him to hurry as he was supposed to escort me to where the meeting is.

I arrived just outside of the room. I was staring at the frosted glass with my hand frozen inches away from the doorknob. Upon opening, I was met with turning heads and stares from girls sitting around on the floor of the dance practice room. I guess they’re the newly hired female backup dancers. Great, they all know each other already. Maybe they all belong in a dance crew? Why am I nervous?

“Nice to meet you everyone.” I bowed as I slowly trot towards them. “Are you here for the meeting as well?” A few of them stood up quickly and bowed back.

A fellow dancer that I didn’t notice at the far right side of the room bowed as well. We all exchanged introductions as they offered me to sit with them. They all seem nice and friendly. Ages were asked and it turns out I’m the maknae out of all the 15 dancers here inside the room. I also discovered that half of us were part of the same street dance crew, five were former backup dancers of other idols and I’m the only sole dancer without a crew.

Two men came inside the dance room and talked to us for around 2 hours. I’m guessing they’re the dance directors. They informed us that even though they accepted us as a part of the dance team already, they’ll be asking us to participate at a live evaluation later today with freestyle dance. I looked around the room and I was more nervous than ever. I felt slightly intimidated by the presence of all these seasoned dancers. Deep down in my mind, I think I’m out of my league here. I got myself into a situation where I’m the least experienced out of everyone.

As the main choreographers continue to talk, I couldn’t hold in my pee. I really need to go to the restroom right now but I’m too shy to excuse myself out. “Why did I have to gulp down a huge cup of coffee just before this meeting? This is so not helping with my nerves.” To my luck, they concluded the meeting and excused themselves out of the room to leave all of us to prepare for the live evaluation. I bolted out of the room in search for a restroom. I faintly recalled a sight of a restroom just across the hallway. I ran past a practice room, blasting to Fake Love and a few chatters and laugh. I unconsciously hummed to the song in my head, closing my eyes for a moment as I ran to the restroom.

I opened my eyes and didn’t grasp the second I bumped into someone in front of the restroom signs dividing the female and male rooms. My backside embraced the floor once more.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t see…” To my luck, the person I bumped into was…

“Yoongi hyung. Should we...?” Jimin quickly came out from the male restroom just behind Yoongi, whom I’ve bumped into. Yoongi was looking at me, examining my face and slowly recollecting the memory from this morning.

“You again? I thought I told you to watch where you’re going.” He just stood there as I rub my backside. He was about to bend down and reach his hand out but Jimin quickly offered to lift me up. I gladly obliged but shit, my butt really hurts. I forced a smile as I tried to hide my winces from the pain.

“Are you okay?” Jimin asked, hands still on my forearm and looking at my face. I felt bashful from his gesture. I realized that a BTS member just helped me up. His skin is so smooth that it looked like ceramic, and such adorable cheeks that I just want to pinch.

“Thank you so much.” I bowed as I respectfully removed my hand from Jimin. I could still feel Yoongi staring while my head was down.

“Are you… an employee here?” Yoongi asked with a tone different from how he spoke to me this morning just outside the building. I stood up straight and saw Jimin with a bright smile, also waiting for my response. He placed his arm on Yoongi’s shoulder.

“I’m new here, just today actually.” My eyes were glued to both of them, realizing that I was in front of two BTS members. An opportunity beyond my wildest dreams. I’m actually conversing with them and not just me talking into thin air to their posters and cut-outs. “Backup dancer.” Jimin’s face lit up with a grin split across his face.

“I didn’t know the evaluation will be today.” Jimin removed his arm from Yoongi and bowed down. “Looking forward to working with you.” I was surprised with Jimin’s enthusiasm. I bowed back a second after him. Standing up straight, I looked at Yoongi. He looked like he wants to say something, with his mouth slightly open.

“It’s such an honor to meet you both but I’m sorry, I really need to use the restroom.” I excused myself quickly to the restroom. I rushed inside and closed the door.

Jimin placed his arm back on Yoongi’s shoulder and they both walked back to the practice room where the other members are. “Feels like I want to watch the evaluation. Do you want to join me?”

“I still have to finish up my demo in the studio. Why not ask Hobi?”

“That’s a good idea actually.” Jimin giggled at the excitement. There’s also a thought inside his mind why he felt slight familiarity when he saw your face. He doesn’t recall where he saw you or if you have worked together before. He let the thought occupy him for a few moments before pushing it aside as he goes inside the practice room.

“Hey Jimin, look at this!” Taehyung beckoned Jimin to see the video playing on his mobile. J-hope was reaching for a cup of water from the dispenser at the side of the room while chatting with RM, who was trying to catch his breath. Jin and Jungkook were going through some of the steps in front of the mirror.

“Hobi-hyung. Today’s the evaluation for the new female backup dancers.” Jimin called as he was walking to Taehyung. Hobi was alerted to Jimin’s call. “Want to watch?”

“I’m sure our presence won’t help with the nerves of the dancers. Better to watch next time.” Hobi finished his cup of water and brushed his fingers through his hair as he discarded the cup. Jimin was intrigued once more by the thought of the familiarity from your face. He couldn’t put his finger where he saw you. He was sure that he must have at least saw your face once or twice.

“Hey, look at this.” Taehyung pouted and pulled on Jimin’s shirt to ask him to join him on the floor. Jimin followed.

…..

While I was waiting for my turn for the evaluation, my encounter with Jimin and Yoongi kept repeating in my mind. I get to meet BTS members twice in one day. Too bad that it both started with me slumped on the floor. Jimin’s ethereal blonde hair with his adorable grin and Yoongi with his cool demeanor. I never thought I’ll get to meet them on my first day here.

“Next, Y/N” Interrupting my daydream, I heard the female dance director call my name. I stood off the floor and walked to the middle of the room, facing the dance directors. The other dancers, who finished their evaluations, were silently cheering for me at the back. “We’ll let you dance to a hip-hop piece and an additional dance piece afterwards.” I curled my hand at my side and waited for the song to start. I could feel the stares of the dance directors, anticipating me to start as well.

The first beat started to blast across the room and I felt a smirk plastered across my face. I’m sure the dance directors saw it as well. I recognized the song and let the beat take over my body. I could feel my hair whipping around as I pop my body to each beat. I recall the times when I would enjoy dancing to random songs late at night with my fellow dance teachers at the dance studio. Dancing like this, I really felt like I’m in my own world. With every slow beat, I could feel my body rolling and with every strong beat, I let myself pop.

The song lasted a minute before the dance director asked to stop it. The other dancers were clapping their hands so loud that I was broken from my euphoria from dancing. I could feel that my cheeks were burning from their enthusiasm. I went back to my shy posture with both hands at my side, trying my best to catch my breath. I could see smiles from the dance directors as they exchanged words and looked at my folder. My eyes roamed the room when something caught my attention. Someone was watching from the door, both arms across his chest and with a grin that felt like sunshine.

“Hoseok? Are you here to watch?” One of the dance directors noticed J-hope standing at the door. Semi-silent gasps were heard from the other dancers as they take in the presence of the BTS member. J-hope just smiled with his cheeks high up while he walks towards the dance directors’ table. Jimin popped in soon after, skipping towards J-hope.

“We just finished our practice. Jimin thought it would be nice to pop in. Is it okay to observe for a while?” Hoseok pulled out a chair for him and Jimin. They both sat down and looked ahead. I froze in place. I can’t feel my hands. My gaze went to the other female dancers and I could see that they were really trying hard to hide their amazement that Jimin and J-hope appeared before us. I looked back to J-hope and Jimin. Usually, I would scream and jump from where I’m standing. I would cheer their names and maybe even take out a banner, but not today. I am standing in front of them, waiting for my turn to dance to whatever song the dance directors chose next. I cannot control my nerves as of the moment. It’s taking over me, hindering all movements I thought of. I can’t feel my fingers. This is it, this is the end of this chance. I won’t be hired as a backup dancer if I can’t move and handle this pressure. I thought all of this nonstop.

“Y/N, you may start.” I heard the female dance director and it horrified me as I begin to hear the music. Looks like the music has already started for some time now. The faces of the other dancers were of worry and confusion. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This is my only chance. I should redeem myself. As I absorb the music, I was met by familiarity and bliss. I had already performed this song as a modern dance piece when I was a student along with my fellow students in the dance department.

Slowly, I let the music take over my body from my core until the tips of my fingers. Like a graceful swan, I flew across the room. I slid on the floor and stood up with an elegant smooth body roll. Jumps that took no effort and landing so sophisticated that it almost didn’t make any sound. I was eager to get this job and I gave everything. The room felt blacked out with just myself in the middle of it, being in the bright spotlight. The moment the song stopped, reality swiftly hit me. I was back in the practice room being evaluated by dance directors, observed by two BTS members and cheered on by other enthusiastic and supportive dancers.

Being the shy duckling I am, I stood straight like a soldier with both hands at the side. All the dance directors were still staring at me and both J-hope and Jimin were nodding in approval. Despite my horrible start, I’m so glad I redeemed myself. I could explode right now from the amount of emotions flooding through me. Now that I’ve finished the evaluation, I found myself staring at the two BTS members. Jimin with his dark grey loose shirt, black FILA track pants, Balenciaga bag swung across his chest, and cool dangling earpieces. J-hope in a peach flowy long-sleeve top with a green vest, brown baseball cap loosely hanging on top his head and brown shorts that shows his toned legs. They were both conversing when I felt Jimin’s long stares directed at me. He looks slightly intrigued but nevertheless, stares from this man could kill. I felt flushed and let my eyes wander elsewhere.

“Thank you Y/N. Next please.” I bowed and rushed towards the back of the room, joining the other dancers. I was met by praises from the other dancers. My heart felt warm from all the affirmation the others were giving me but I was still bothered by the stares from Jimin. I looked at him once more and he’s still staring at me. He studied my face and smiled when he saw me getting shy from his stares. I turned my head away and looked in front towards the next dancer.

Both of them stayed for a while before excusing themselves out of the room. Some of the dancers were whispering that they’re sad that two of the boys are now not in our presence. I admit that I’m a bit sad too but I can finally breath and relax. Despite being so nervous with them present during my evaluation, I was elated that they were here inside the room as me. I’m lying if I say that my heart wasn’t pounding furiously. I’m just trying to be professional here but I’m still a big fangirl at heart.

…..

“Are you okay? You’ve been too occupied by your thoughts since a while ago.” Hoseok asked Jimin as he sips from his juice. Jungkook and Taehyung who were sitting across the two boys, eating their post-practice snack, were intrigued by J-hope’s question. They noticed Jimin was staring away with his brows furrowed.

“I really think that I saw that backup dancer somewhere but I can’t put my finger on it. Her face looks too familiar.” Jimin sipped his juice through a straw.

“Which backup dancer? The first one?” Hoseok studied Jimin’s face. Jimin nods. “I haven’t seen someone dance like that in a long time. Her passion just captivates you and pulls you in. I can’t wait to work with her and all the other dancers.” Hoseok beamed with hope as he recalls your evaluation performance.

“Also, the modern dance piece that she did felt familiar as well. I could actually feel my body dancing with her but I couldn’t remember where or when I danced to that song.” Jimin admitted.

“Did you watch the whole evaluation?” Jungkook asked the two. Taehyung kept on scrolling through his social media.

“We only watched a few but they were good.” Jimin replied, getting a smile from Hoseok.

“Yeah, especially the one you’re trying so hard to remember. You were staring at her, did you know that? It’s a shocker that she did not melt from your stares.” Jimin turned to Hoseok, surprised by his hyung’s revelation.

“Really? Oh no hyung, I’m too embarrassed by myself. I really didn’t know.” Jimin covered his face with both his hands.

“What made you embarrassed?” Yoongi comes up behind them with an Iced Americano cupped in his hands.

“You remember the girl that bumped into you when went to the restroom? Hobi-hyung and I saw her evaluation and I didn’t realize that I was staring at her the whole time. He just pointed this out to me now.” Jimin, still with a hand covering half his face. “Hobi-hyung, you should’ve told me to stop or something. That’s too embarrassing.”

Yoongi sat down on a vacant chair beside Taehyung. “Actually, I need to apologize to her as well.” The four boys turned their heads to Yoongi looking all confused. Taehyung was about to ask him for the reason but he was soon cut off by Jimin.

“Was it because she bumped into you outside the restroom? And you didn’t help her up?” Yoongi’s face became a bit darker, frowning.

“We already bumped into each other the first time this morning. I was so pissed off about something that I just ignored her and walked away. The second time was with you, Jimin.” Yoongi sipped his coffee once more, contemplating on his actions. He admits that despite being so pissed at something, he should’ve at least shown decency and helped you up. Now that he knows he’s probably going to see you around and work with you, he felt awkward thinking back on how disrespectful he was towards you.

“Wow. You’ve met this woman today and she’s already bumped into you twice, Suga-hyung. She also made Jimin-hyung bothered and Hobi-hyung eager to work with her after seeing her dance. Now I’m interested in meeting her.” Jungkook jokingly teased his elder members as he chows down his sandwich.

…..

After the evaluation, we were told that they will be contacting us again after a few days and if deemed unworthy by the other dance directors from their opinions on our evaluation, we will be informed if we passed or not. Apparently, our positions on the dance team is not final. I still have to wait for a few days to know my fate. All the dance directors walked out the room and all of the other dancers started packing up their stuff. Some of them walked up to me and praised me for my performance. They also teased me that they were afraid that I was so caught up with my nerves when the two BTS members walked in during my evaluation. They said that if it was them, they would be so nervous as well and commended me for still giving a wonderful performance despite my obvious stumble when the music started.

One by one, the dancers head home. I glanced at my watch and was surprised with how fast time flies. It’s already 4 in the afternoon. I phoned my brother to check on him.

“You done with work? We just finished and everyone went home. Can we eat out? I need some company, I feel so drained. My treat.” I stayed in front of the door out the practice room as I swiftly typed in my message.

Thinking back, I haven’t had the time to process what a whirlwind this day was. It started on a bad first meeting with Suga (which was definitely my fault), a surprise evaluation from the dance team, bumping into Suga again (still my fault. By the way, I really need to be careful from now on) and meeting Jimin in the most unappealing places ever, impressed the dance directors but absolutely botched the second dance when Jimin and J-hope came in to watch, and finally, I’m still not sure if I’ll get this job or not because I still have to wait for their mail. I’m so proud of myself that I’m still standing up straight. Thinking about it just makes my knees buckle. I can barely hold myself straight due to my nerves before when I try to dance in front of other people or even when I met BTS once at a fan meet. I should give myself a pat on the back. Yup, I deserve that for getting out of my comfort zone and not making myself look like an idiot in front of everyone.

“Your treat? I’m about to finish. Wait for me.” My brother replied. I laughed so hard. Bribing each other with food is truly our signature move. Not that I’m complaining but you can never say no to free food.

“Korean Barbeque it is.”

Next part: 3

[namariea]

Devil’s Advocate | I

“So for argument’s sake... let’s just say Do Kyungsoo really is the boring square you say he is..” 

“Don’t you want to find out what makes him tick?”

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader

Words: 4.4k

Genre: Romance, Slowburn, Smut

It started with a knock on your door.

“Jongin is coming over tonight, that cool?”

Looking up from your laptop screen, you stared at your roommate who was leaning against your doorway. Blinking slowly, you processed her words.

“Jongin is coming over.”

“Yes, that’s what I just said.”

“And will Mr. Kim be staying over?”

“That would be a correct assumption, yes.”

“Sleeping in your room.”

“Why, did you want him to sleep here with you? Not what I was expecting, but I’m all down for polygamy.”

With a sigh, you saved the document you were working on and began to close your laptop. Collecting the various papers and books scattered around you, you began to tuck them away neatly into your backpack. Sliding off of the bed, you walked the length of the room and began to rifle through your drawers, pulling out some clothes.

Frowning, Jennie walked over to you and looked over your shoulder as you began refolding them and putting them in a gym bag.

“What are you doing?”

“I have a paper I need to finish proofing for tomorrow and I highly doubt I will get any work done with the two of you going at it like animals.”

Jennie didn’t even look fazed at the comment, shrugging non committedly while throwing some pajama shorts your way. Rolling your eyes you passed through the joined bathroom and threw in your toiletries. As you were zipping up your bag a knock came at the door causing you to pause.

Well, that was fast.

Turning around, you looked at the brunette behind you with raised eyebrows, and only then she had the decency to look the slightest bit sheepish.

“Have I told you how much I love you today?”

With your roommate trailing at your heels blabbering about how you are the greatest roommate ever and how she owes you a life debt, you opened the front door and were greeted with Jongin holding what appeared to be a party sized bucket of KFC. Before he could open his mouth you stuck out your hand, waiting.

Blinking down at your outstretched palm, he gave you a confused look.

“Keys. Since you are kicking me out of my bed I’m taking yours”

Jennie snorted behind you as Jongin’s face split into a wide grin.

“You know, I always knew you were a great person.” fishing out his keys from his pocket he handed them to you.

Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you gave the couple a wave of your hand and began to make your way down the hall. You were halfway to the elevators when Jongin's loud voice stopped you.

“Oh by the way, Kyungsoo isn’t around tonight, so feel free to raid the fridge before he gets back.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jongin’s presence at your apartment wasn’t a new occurrence.

In the beginning, it was just him coming over during the day to help Jennie with her design assignments. Which was ok, amazing actually, since it helped her out a lot and saved you dealing with her stress meltdowns.

Then it progressed to Jongin appearing at your dinner table every Friday to partake in Chinese takeout nights. Which was fine, again, since he picked it up on his way over and pitched in. He also somehow was able to sweet talk the old woman who owned the store and managed to get extra egg rolls. Can’t go wrong with that.

It wasn’t until Jennie gave you the look while the older boy excused himself to use the bathroom after one said dinner that you took the hint.

Now, Jongin occasionally stays over during the weekends, where you would find him in the living room at ungodly hours watching the Pirates of the Carribean all the while eating a family sized package of oreo’s. Which was mildly perturbing on two counts. First, was the fact that this was probably the 5th time you’ve seen him watch that movie, and second, those were your oreos.

The final straw was not until the weekend that just past where you were woken up a loud banging. It was not until you were  halfway to Jennie’s door in a frantic scramble that your sleep deprived brain caught up with you and realized it was very much not a violent murder taking place in the room over.

Animals.

It was then you all agreed to establish some sort of door-sock system.

Which in essence was - if Jongin was coming over, it was probably best to just find somewhere else to crash.

You didn’t actually mind leaving as much as you thought you would. Jennie was one of your closests friends and it was clear as day that Jongin made her happy. You didn’t even mind hanging out with the guy, he was fun and always brought snacks in return for practically living at your place. Even if his tastes in movies were highly questionable.

It was just sometimes - like right now where you had a Business Ethics paper due at 7AM - where you needed all the quiet you could get.

Reaching the apartment, you slotted the key into the lock, you pushed open the door to Jongin and Kyungsoo’s apartment. Stepping through the threshold you were greeted by darkness.

Flicking on the lights you took in the apartment. You had been in the apartment a handful of times when Chanyeol threw parties, but this was the first time you had been there on your own, literally.

From the neatly organized coffee table to the dust-less surfaces as far as the eye can see, the state of the apartment very much reflected that of the other owner - there was no way anyone would believe the human tornado that was Kim Jongin lived here otherwise.

Speaking of the other owner -

“Kyungsoo?”

Thank goodness for small mercies.

Do Kyungsoo, best friend of Jongin and probably the biggest enigma you've ever met. Not only was he more reserved and mild tempered in comparison to his flatmate, but he was the only one in your mutual friend group that you couldn’t bring yourself to get close to.

It wasn’t for a lack of trying, mind you. And to Kyungsoo’s credit he has never been rude to you, though you wouldn’t necessarily call it friendly either. Cordial at best...maybe. His deposition towards you, and apparently anyone who didn’t know him before the year 2015 was polite but distant. He was so different from the rest of his friends that one day Jennie had asked Jongin how he and Kyungsoo even lived together.

“We met freshman year-”  Jongin said while spooning a mountain of orange chicken onto his plate.

“We were paired up as roommates and we just clicked - Kyungsoo is a great guy, he’s actually pretty hilarious”

“Really?” Jennie leaned in, abandoning her lo mein to gape at the man next to her.

“Its true!” Jongin said defensively at her expression, “how do I explain it-"

"You kind of have to approach him first, and then see how he responds. He just needs time to warm up to you, you'll see."

Now, you weren’t sure if Kyungsoo had ‘warmed up to you’ yet, but you definitely saw the man’s look of disgust as he caught you making kraft dinner in the microwave that one time during finals last semester.

Hot tip - never make microwave kraft dinner in front of a Culinary Arts major.

Checking your watch and noting it was half past ten, you settled down cross-legged at the coffee table in the living room. Pulling out your laptop and notes, you organized it all in front of you before rolling your neck and flexing your fingers.

“Now, where was I-”

After what seems like the hundredth time going over the same words over and over again, desperately making sure you didn’t have any spelling mistakes and that your citations were all correct, you finally hit save for the last time. Tapping the screen of your phone you brought it up to your face as you leant back against the couch, squinting as the time appeared.

2:35 AM

Stretching, you lifted yourself from your sitting position and began packing your laptop and papers away.

Exhausted, you crawled your way up onto the couch, pulled the Captain America themed throw blanket over your tired body, and closed your eyes, waiting for sleep to take you.

Which should have been an easy task.

Except Jongin apparently decided to buy the cheapest couch in Ikea.

No wonder the man lived on your sofa, he has never known true comfort.

Huffing, you sat up begrudgingly, groaning as your body objected to the movement. You glanced down the darkened hallway and pursed your lips.

Taking your bags you began shuffling down the hallway and stopped in front of one of the doors that was ajar. Slowly pushing it open you hesitantly stuck your head in. The sight of the various Mangas scattered on the floor confirmed that you had found the right bedroom.

I mean, there are worse places to sleep.

Making your way further into the room, you kicked the door closed as you made quick work of stripping out of your clothes and changing into your pajamas. You all but dove into the bed, not caring that it was unmade or that you probably should have changed the sheets. A content sigh escaped you as you sank into the mattress, sleep taking over.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Waking with a start, you were momentarily disoriented as you took in your surroundings. Blinking blearily around, it took a few seconds to remember where you were and why your bed smelled like Old Spice.

Ah, right.

Groaning, you glanced at the window and took in the darkness still.

You tried to close your eyes in hopes that you would be able to catch a few more minutes of sleep. However, instead of slipping into blissful sleep you found yourself tossing and turning, body restless in any position you put it in.

Pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes you lay there for a few moments. Blindly reaching towards the side table you fumbled with your phone, squinting as the screen illuminated your vision.

5:50 am

There is no God.

Finally accepting that you were not going to get any more sleep, you begrudgingly slid out of bed. Stretching, you began to make your way to the door, stifling a yawn as you opened it.

And immediately screamed.

“WHAT THE F- Kyungsoo?”

Standing in front of you was a hooded figure, looking just as startled as you were. Hand grasping the handle leading to the room directly across the hall, Kyungsoo had turned at the sound of Jongin’s door opening and his eyes widened almost comically at your presence.

As the fuzziness of sleep was lifted you realized that it must have been the sound Kyungsoo entering the apartment that woke you up. And judging from the incredulous look he was giving you, Jongin must not have told him you were there. Taking in his baseball cap and casual attire, you felt your eyebrows furrow.

Did he just get back?

You watched as his eyes slid down and you were suddenly very much aware of the lopsided bun that had come half undone in your sleep and the thin material of your pajamas. His eyes then darted from your own to the bedroom and back, eyebrows furrowing.

Your eyes widened at the silent question glinting in those dark eyes. Your hands immediately flew up as you began sputtering.

“It's not what it looks like!“ you began frantically and he only lifted a dark brow higher in a silent bid for you to continue. “Jongin was staying over at our place last night and I came here to give them privacy, you know how they are, it’s like National Geographic except nobody asked for it”

He shot you a bemused look.

You felt yourself flush and looked at the space of the wall next to his head “And well, I didn't get kicked out of my own bed to sleep on a couch… So I slept... in here" gesturing to the bedroom behind you awkwardly.

There was another beat of silence.

Great. Fantastic. Realll smooth. It seemed that without fail, every time you are in the immediate presence of the man across from you, you feel yourself suddenly tense up. Which is stupid, considering the fact that you are friends (distant acquaintances), and have been around each other for months now and got along great (cordial at best), surely by now you can have a normal conversation at the very least.

Speaking of conversation, you also become hyperaware of the fact that the other person in the hallway has yet to say a single word to you. Palms beginning to sweat, you began to scramble to think of something - anything - to cut the silence. As if your insane ramblings weren’t bad enough. He probably thinks you’re even more of a raging lunatic, compounded with what happened last semester. Why, why, of all things why did you have to crave Kraft Dinner for fucks sake-

“I see.”

Your inner monologue was cut short by a low reply. it seemed Kyungsoo deemed your answer acceptable, nodding slowly to himself.

You almost felt your body sag in relief, shifting your weight on the balls of your feet.

As another beat of silence passed, you fidgeted again as you were regarded by the dark haired man. Kyungsoo had yet to make any move towards his own room and you suddenly didn’t know what to do with your hands.

Someone kill me.

You cleared your throat, “Umm...so now that that's cleared up… I’m just going to... go over...there” gesturing to the bathroom. You didn’t even wait for him to answer you as you powered your way past him and slipped into the bathroom, pressing your back against the door as it closed behind you.

You waited with baited breath as you heard silence from the hallway. Eventually after what felt like an eternity, there was a shuffling of feet, and the clicking of a door closing from down the hall.

Silently making the motion of bashing your head against the door, you let out a deep breath. Shaking your head you flicked on the light and picked up Jongin’s papaya face wash.

I mean, that could have been worse.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Making your way across campus, you faltered slightly as a yawn made its way through you. After submitting your paper to your professor's dropbox you had spent the day catching up on the never ending tasks you had on your to-do list. You had holed yourself up at the campus library and it wasn’t until your stomach decided to do its best impression of a Harley Davidson that you decided it was probably best to call it a day.

Pulling out your phone you pulled out a delivery app and started browsing the menu for the greek place a block down from your apartment. Flicking through the menu, you contemplated between the Pork Souvlaki or the Chicken gyro...maybe Jennie would be willing to go half and ha-.

You halted on the sidewalk.

Right.

Jennie.

Jennie who is currently still at your apartment.

With Jongin.

Well, shit.

Switching to your messages you sent a text to Jennie.

You: All clear?

You watched with bated breath as the three dots appeared at the bottom.

A sock emoji.

Lovely.

Sitting down at a nearby bench, you began sending out a barrage of texts.

After about 20 minutes of asking around you found out that Jisoo was out of town seeing her parents, Rose’s apartment building was apparently being fumigated for the second time this month and Seulgi was having Irene and Wendy over and you didn’t think you wanted to be part of whatever freaky party those three were going to have.

With every text that came in you felt yourself slowly deflate more and more. Placing your hand in your jacket, you grasped the keys that were in your pocket. They felt heavier than they should be.

There was one other option.

Grimacing, you flushed as you remembered the painfully awkward conversation you exchanged with a particular dark haired man this morning. There was no doubt in your mind that he would be home if you went over now, and you didn’t even want to begin imagining how this interaction will go.

You bit down on your bottom lip in worry as you brain tried playing out the various scenarios in your head. All in all, Kyungsoo didn’t seem to care all that much this morning, but then again when have you ever seen Kyungsoo care about anything.

Come on, think. Well, what do we know...

He is a mutual friend (questionable), for starters. If you both are able to get along with the dumperfire that is your friend group you have to have something in common.. Right?

You stopped fiddling with the keys in your pocket as the realization hit you.

Pulling up your contacts you scanned down the list before pressing ‘call’.

“Oi, Jongin. Does Kyungsoo like Greek?”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Turns out no, Kyungsoo does not, in fact, like Greek.

According to Jongin, Kyungsoo is obsessed with this weird hole-in-the-wall Italian place that had handmade pasta. What was supposed to be a 10 minute walk ended up taking 45 minutes as you got lost 3 times, and once you finally found the store the doors were locked. What restaurant shuts down from 3 to 5 on a Friday?

Hipster pasta makers, apparently.

It was lost to you what the appeal was, but if there was anything that you learned in the years as a young adult living on their own, it was that there were two sure-fire ways to bond with someone:

Get drunk

Eat good food while drunk

The latter was not necessarily limited to ‘good’ food - after a few shots to you a McNugget is like a Michelen meal. However you had a gut feeling that Kyungsoo wouldn’t be too welcoming if you showed up with tacos and tequila.

So did you wait around for an hour and a half just to order something you could have bought as Lean Cuisine?

You bet your ass you did.

Because nothing says I’m sorry I know we barely know each other but our friends are banging so were kind of stuck together quite like overpriced spaghetti and meatballs.

Adjusting the paper bag in your arms you walked up to the familiar door. Fumbling with the key you finally managed to wedge it open and stepped through the threshold.

Unlike the last time you entered the apartment, this time you weren’t met with silence. The lights were already on and the sound of the TV filtered throughout the apartment. Toeing off your shoes and arranging them neatly next to the pair by the door.

Arms full of take out you were all of a sudden nervous to turn the corner.

You are once again reminded of the fact that you are very much not close with this man and this will probably be the first time you ever said more than 4 sentences to him in one sitting. And now you are about to have dinner together, alone.

"You kind of have to approach him first, and then see how he responds. He just needs time to warm up to you, you'll see"

Kim Jongin don’t you fail me now.  

Kyungsoo was sitting on the couch looking at his phone when you entered the living room. He immediately looked up and you watched his eyes widen marginally at your presence, clearly not expecting you back.

“I…” The mini speech you had been preparing during the 12 minute walk to the apartment died in your throat as you made eye contact with the dark haired man in front of you. The look he gave you left you momentarily thrown, it was a look that instantly made you think that he was annoyed with you with the way his eyebrows were drawn and the slight frown tugging at the corners of his mouth.

It wasn’t until you saw Kyungsoo’s eyes slide to the bag in your arms briefly, and the slightest flicker of curiosity gave you the courage to push on.

“Jongin is still my place,” you offered, and watched as his eyes flit back to meet your own.

“So,” you continued, shifting the bag in your arms, “I brought some dinner, as a peace offering of sorts, I guess. I hope you’re hungry, because they gave us enough garlic bread to feed a small Italian village.” you let out an awkward laugh.

Kyungsoo looked at you as if you had grown a second head. You didn’t blame him, but you were too far gone to back down now, even if the man was giving you a shoulder so cold it could freeze Sahara.

Making your way into the kitchen you placed the bag on the counter and began taking plates out of the cabinets, trying to keep your trembling hands busy.

Stupid, stupid, this whole idea was stupid.

As you were transferring the food from the containers you heard a slight rustling behind you.

You almost turned around when you didn’t hear anything else, but then a deep voice spoke up, albeit hesitantly.

“Is that from Giulietta’s?”

Stiffening a smile you did not respond to the man immediately when he materialized at your side.

Humming in affirmation you handed him his plate, which he took slowly, eyeing the food suspiciously.

I swear, this guy.

It wasn’t until you had dished out your own plate that you turned to him finally and gave him what you hoped was a friendly smile.

“So, have you watched the new season of Great British Bakeoff?”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Have a nice weekend? Actually don’t answer that, I really don’t want to know.” You didn’t even look up from your laptop as Jennie slid into the seat next to you at your morning lecture.

“Jongin has been doing ballet for years, I swear I never knew a body could bend like-”

“Ew. Gross Jennie, it’s 9AM”

“I have no concept of time anymore, the man wouldn’t let me sleep-”

“Jennifer, please, this is a sacred place.”

“This is Introduction to Environmental Science, most of the people here are too worried about cleaning baby ducks with Dawn soap than to eavesdrop”

Groaning you buried your head in your hands and took a deep breath. You really should have stopped by the Cafe next door and got some coffee, you aren’t nearly coherent enough to deal with this.

“Hey,” Jennie started, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Thanks again for stepping out and giving us the apartment for the weekend, I really appreciate it”

“You’re lucky I like you.

“Oh please-”

“-I barely got out of there alive.”

“Come on, it couldn’t have been that bad.”

It wasn’t, actually.

Last night you and Kyungoo had sat in their living room and watched the Great British Bakeoff while you ate your dinner. You thanked whatever higher power there was that Kyungsoo was not a stickler for eating at the dinner table. Or maybe he was, but also thought this situation was incredibly awkward and also wanted some sort of distraction to avoid having to make small talk.

It wasn’t wholly unpleasant, you actually found yourself mildly enjoying yourself. He was a man of a few words but every now and again he would sprinkle in some choice commentary here and there, making noncommittal noises when a contestant added a new ingredient.

Odd fellow, this one.

He was polite enough to stick around for a couple of episodes before standing and offering to take your plate.

“Would you like something else? Jongin keeps ice cream sandwiches in the fridge”

“Oh...no, I’m ok thanks”

You were absolutely going to have one later.

Giving a curt nod, he walked back to the kitchen to wash the dishes. After a few minutes he returned to the living room, shifting uneasily on his feet. He had this thoughtful, intense expression, almost searching. For what, you had no idea but it made you fidget nonetheless, breaking eye contact and pick at imaginary lint on your sweater.

You were about to make some excuse about needing to go back to the library - because you sure as hell weren’t going to stick around here -  when he mumbled something about having papers to grade before disappearing down the hall to his room without another word.

A few more moments passed before you let out the breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

Well, that’s that I guess.

“It went fine. He was...nice”

“Nice.”

“As nice as you can be with a stranger invading your space unnanounced.”

“So dramatic, it’s not like you two are strangers.”

“I don’t even think he knows my name.”  

“We have all hung out loads of times before-”

“I have spoken to him more in the last 12 hours than I have in the last 12 months”

“And who’s fault is that? If anything, that's progress, you should be thanking me. Kyungsoo’s a hoot”

You leveled her with a look.

“...have I told you how much I love you today?”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A/N: Had this in my drafts for over 2 years. Hoping by posting I’ll be motivated to actually finish it~

[vaultureculture]

Meet my Guardians :) [part 1?]

I have been playing Eldarya ever since I was 14. For the past few years, I had been reading the story religiously, mixing in headcanons to fill plot-holes, and  fleshing out Erika until she became something entirely different. 

Her character soon split into my three mains, all of whom I will introduce to you all in this post! In my Eldarya AU, they all exist in the same universe, and the three of them play crucial roles in the Oracle’s prophecy. I will develop them more as time goes by hmhm

1-Monnika

Name: Monnika Defreine (she/her)

Birth date: 14th November  [  ♏︎  ]

Age: 22

Species: Faelienne (Aengel+Human)

MBTI: INFP

Guard: Absynthe Guard

Familiar: Lillith (Bâkhrâhell)

LI: Leiftan (both in TO and in ANE)

Occupation in the Guard of Eel: She has taken on the role of a teacher for many children inside the H.Q’s walls. She specializes in lyrical poetry and composition. Whenever she is free from her teaching job, she adventures out into the forest to collect ingredients for ointments and potion spells. 

Sub-occupation: Trained alchemist, Oracle visualizer. Monnika has frequent premonitory dreams and visions featuring the Oracle, but she cannot understand them nor speak in their tongue. Her visual communication with the Oracle is important regardless, and she’s the most attached to it.  

Weapon of choice: Sword

Pros: Forgiving, educated, compassionate, patient, reliable. 

Cons: A push-over, easily biased, indecisive, self-victimizing, very edgy.

Monnika follows the more “canon Erika” path. She is the only one of the main three to have come from Earth through the portal we see at the beginning of the game. She is also the only one to retain an element of Aengel blood, albeit stronger than Erika’s. The option was ruled out for canon Erika, but Monnika is indeed adopted and a faelienne. She’s aware of her adoption but does not know anything else about her background, nor has she cared to know.

In her childhood, she was often reported to affect nearby light and energy sources. Her parents believed her to simply be sensitive to electromagnetic fields. This explanation is usually given to spiritual mediums: The energy they accumulate is said to be what causes paranormal phenomena around them. 

Once she crossed the portal into Eldarya, she began regulating her Maana, and her powers started manifesting more. The eventual blood transfusion and ‘soul-tethering’ with Leiftan jumpstarted a physical transformation, leaving her stuck out of her human disguise. Now, do not let her edgy appearance fool you: she is an Aengel. 

Monnika's form is inspired by traditional Seraphims— that is, ominous balls of eyes and feathers. Her blood is ancient, and her outside reflects it:  Upon transforming, all of her grows in size monstrously. She prostrates, back heavy with wings, as blazing white light fills her sockets. Her spindly fingers dig into the soil, like the feeble limbs of a black widow spider. She is one with the earth her mother bore her from; in her presence, one feels as though judgment is neigh.

There are no reasons to fear her, though, for she is kind and reserved. Monnika finds joy in tranquility and avoids company most of the time. After her initial transformation, she grew more distant, ashamed of her new condition. Her human blood keeps her from smoothly regulating her powers, so she is stuck in her angel form from the first time it occurs to the end of the War for Eldarya, before the 7-year coma. With training, she is finally able to change back to a more human disguise. 

Leiftan and Monnika are, indeed, soulmates. She always felt herself gravitate towards him and followed this attraction without remorse. Her alliance stands with Leiftan and with Leiftan only, which made her position in TO quite complicated. Her lover's crimes were heinous, but her eagerness to build bridges between them again kept her from understanding the seriousness of it all. After their coma, her spirit and trust are broken by Leiftan's distance. She's then left to pine from afar, desperately trying to comprehend how she's supposed to live with half a heart.  

2-Astraea

Name: Astraea Varma (she/her)

Birth date:  5th March [ ♓︎ ]

Age: 24

Species: Euryhalin nomadic mermaid

MBTI: ISFJ

Guard: Obsidian Guard

Familiar: Thetis (Blobbiathan)

LI: Valkyon (TO) & Mathieu (ANE) 

Occupation in the Guard of Eel: Unwilling to find herself (or her peers) wounded and helpless in the midst of battle, she started working as a nurse under the protection of Ewelein. Her eagerness to learn and help others soon turned her into a sponge for medical knowledge.

Sub-occupation: Obsidian infantry soldier, Crystal fragment detector. Astraea can easily sense the presence of crystal fragments, corrupted or not. She can easily follow them to where they are, as if they left a visible trail. 

Weapon of choice: Hammer or enchanted fists. 

Pros: law-abiding, empathetic, just, optimistic, fun to be around. 

Cons: Inflexible, holds grudges, bad loser, stubborn, quick to judge.  

Astraea washed up on a small stream that crosses the forest of Eel. She was found by Ykhar and Alajéa on the noon of the same day that Monnika appeared in the Crystal Room. Astraea had no recollection of her journey upon waking up beside the fact that she was looking for something significant. She made allusions to it being noted down in her journals, all of which she lost in the last half of her trip. 

She comes from a clan of Euryhalin nomadic mermaids, aquatic creatures who can travel both through rivers and oceans according to migratory seasons. These migration patterns are marked by the moon and the stars, so these mermaids are essentially nocturnal. This is similar (if not the same, even) to the structure and tradition of Alajéa and her sister Colaïa’s clan. The likeness between Alajéa and Astraea’s experiences will eventually strengthen the bond between them, and make them grow closer than ever— despite the initial moments of sourness. The only thing that could throw a spanner in the works is Astraea's distaste for Karenn, Alajéa's best friend. The breach between them is no different in ANE, as Karenn's overall demeanor is quick to make Astraea's blood boil.

Despite being an Obsidian, Astraea fears conflict and very much dislikes harming others. She is not one to await battle with a smile, nor is she an outstanding warrior by herself. Nevertheless, it is her wit, perseverance, and fairness that landed her on that guard. Moments of doubt, like passing mists, may have clouded her self-perception; She may have broken down many times but always stood up again to dedicate more effort to her cause. She fights when necessary, using her knowledge in enchantments to gather up fists of rocks as her weapons.

Incredibly passionate about justice and discipline, Astraea held the Obsidian chief Valkyon in high regard. He became one of her confidants in the tortuous search for her memories; then, a partner to stand by as the world caved in. After the War and the 7-year coma, Astraea withdrew into isolation, grieving over the loss of her lover and mentor. The cherry tree that once was Valkyon’s shelter is now Astraea’s place of reflection— a deep, melancholic pondering only Mathieu, a new friend, and Sonzaishinai, an old friend, can get her out of. 

3)Sonzaishinai

Name: Hélène “Sonzaishinai” Müller(she/her)

Birth date:  20th May [ ♊︎ ]

Age: 25

Species: Nocturnal fae (moth variant)

MBTI: ENTP

Guard: Shadow Guard

Familiar: Skade (Owlett)

LI: Nevra (TO) & Lance (ANE)

Occupation in the Guard of Eel:  Hélène had always shown a questionable interest in the archives of the H.Q. When Ykhar offered her to work as an adjoined archive librarian, she could not pass it up. She knows the catalogue by heart and has gathered a bunch of...information that may be of use to her. 

Sub-occupation: Master archer, Oracle interpreter. Sonzaishinai has auditory hallucinations featuring the Oracle. She is able to understand her tongue and speak in the Ancient tongue of Eel, thus being able to interpret many crucial pieces of information. 

Weapon of choice: Bow and arrow.

Pros: Diplomatic, humorous, witty, loyal, affectionate. 

Cons: Hides information, violent under stress, impulsive, patronizing. 

Sonzaishinai was brought to the H.Q disheveled and delirious by a group of local Purreko merchants. They had accused her of theft (bread? a dragon tear? so they said), and she was thrown into a cell pre-emptively. Nevertheless, her worn-down state and the lack of evidence ended the trial period rather quickly. For lack of planning and information about her, she was kept in jail for an extra day. Sonzaishinai was in prison at the same time as Monnika. The 'masked man' freed both, and the girls parted ways at the Hall of Doors. 

As a disoriented newcomer, Sonzaishinai was granted shelter. She was allowed three days to recover and decide on her fate. She would either hit the road and return to her homeland or commit to becoming a productive citizen of Eel— by settling and supporting local markets, or joining the staff. Her affairs were thoroughly searched, and nothing was found but a couple notebooks filled with inscriptions in an alphabet unknown. Under questioning, Sonzaishinai soon proved to be, somehow, proficient in languages galore, many of them forgotten and unused. 

She soon joined the same recruit program as Monnika and Astraea...not without the Guard's persuasion, of course. There, Sonzaishinai and Astraea grew close beyond belief. They learned to lean on each other, bound by laughter and blind trust. Sonzaishinai considers Astraea a sister and does not hesitate to call her so— while Astraea always goes to Sonzaishinai for guidance. In ANE's weapon giving ceremony, Hélène chooses to call her new bow (it is Monnika who gets the sword) "Astraea", for she believes the younger mermaid to be her protection and good luck charm.

The nickname "Sonzai Shinai" was given to her by a guard colleague from the Jade Coast. It is a verbal expression of Japanese origin, meaning "there is not", "it does not exist". The culprit behind Hélène's telling nickname is no other than her silence: One can barely hear her arrive, and she always seems to appear as suddenly as she fades away. With time, she fully adopted the nickname, and nobody really calls her Hélène anymore—with rare exceptions.

Nocturnal faes are beings as mysterious and charming as they are dangerous. Most of them present themselves as delicate young women, who seem far too attractive or even stuck in time, never aging.  Behind their lips, however, hide sharp teeth. They are carnivorous and oftentimes conniving, some even venomous, just like the habitats or plants they frequent. It depends on the individual, of course, but they do not have the best reputation around. Whatever they really are, it is not advisable to seal deals with them. They always have a trick up their sleeve.

Although Hélène can be 100% trusted if you are her ally, she does tend to keep many things a secret. It was her that contacted Lance in TO, never telling Miiko and even asking him to take her along. She built a sense of trust between them that allowed Lance to feel comfortable enough to kidnap her in particular, hoping she'd be the one to understand his goals the most. He'd never thought that she'd know as much as him and that she'd been using him to get new leads the entire time. Despite it all, they were always capable of dialogue, which threatens to come back in an incredibly mentally stimulating way upon their new meeting. 

Regarding Nevra, Sonzaishinai had always felt a strong, nurturing love towards him. He'd proven to be an ambitious brat with too big of an ego one too many times, but his light-heartedness and genuine attachment got to her rather quickly. Upon waking up after the 7-year coma, she did not recognize the moody and regretful man before her. He'd promised to love her forever, but now she stood alone spiteful, facing empty words. Despite their falling out, she will always have a soft spot for him and won't doubt to put herself in harm's way for him.

[suzuki-violin-school]

rating my old wattpad drafts/stories

This is just gonna be one long self callout post but I do think it's gonna be funny

"Persona 5 oneshots" (published) - actually pretty decent for what it is but there's only three published parts. fortunately the published ones are actually better than the three unpublished drafts oof- 7/10

"🥺ruv" (draft) - I don't want to talk about this and also I put way too much effort into attempting Russian dialogue 1/10

"The Queen {Ben Hardy as Roger Taylor x Reader}" (published) - out of every fic I've ever written and across every fanfiction platform I've used, this is the most successful fic. I've held the number one spot in several tags and still hold high spots 1000/10

"ni no kuni ii revenant kingdom oneshots" (published) - 10/10 only because I could not for the life of me find any nnk2 fanfiction out there so I wrote my own (it's not good though, although I am using it as a fandomswap AU with bnha)

"The Contract" (draft) - it had potential when it was just a concept but execution was terrible. It took a turn for the worse and now has the same vibes as being sold to one direction. the plot was sign this contract and you marry loki and teach him earth etiquette so he doesn't go on an alien murder rampage again 0/10

"Loki x reader bumbles" (draft) - what the fuck is a bumble? it ended up splitting into three different fics all at once and they were all bad. One was overworked maid reader is assigned as loki's personal caretaker, one was Tony stark's little sister babysits loki on the regular while the avengers are out Doing Thingsᵀᴹ (that one was titled trash gremlin), and the other was Loki finds out his lover lied to him about her past and gets mad at her and she breaks down and goes into a coma for hundreds of years and when she reawakens Asgard is destroyed and Loki's dead 2/10

"multifandom oneshots requests only" (unpublished) - it ruined my life -1000/10

"a foreign trickster" (draft) - 9/10 on potential I might come back to this one and try to fix it. it's a post-game persona 5 fic about a half-Japanese girl moving to Japan from America except she was a part of a group similar to the phantom thieves and the metaverse reappears when she arrives maybe 4/10 overall

"My Best Friend" (published) - glorious although maybe not the best quality. It's a Brian May x childhood friend reader fic and for most of the beginning every other chapter is a childhood memory 9/10

"You digifucked up" (draft) - I don't wanna talk about it 0/10

"hfjavnbchvxgyjgmbnas" (draft) - I have no idea what this was supposed to be but it ended up as a three paragraph disgrace of a roy mustang fic 0/10

"Is orochimaru babie" (draft) - one point for each chapter none of them were good and the only actual substance was a breakdown fic 2/10

"Naruto x reader oneshots" (published) - pretty okay, has a decent amount of reads and comments 5/10

"Me, having watched five episodes: hnnngh fanfic" (draft) - 10/10 for nostalgia, first bnha fic I ever wrote. Is actually a great idea and is in the works to be reworked and posted here on tumblr as a cyo multichap like a 6/10 overall

"Peter Parker x Avenger Reader" (draft) - no <3 it was about Peter and his girlfriend both mutually breaking up with each other because they're both tony's underlings and they slowly fall for each other's superhero alter egos 0/10

"Yoosungi~" (draft) - I started writing a yoosung fic where reader was his best friend at school and was mad that he was obsessing over mc being 'just like rika uwu' and then it slowly turned into reader unfriending him and moving in with seven and then dating seven I don't know what happened there 0/10

"Land" (unpublished) - first noncon fic I ever wrote but I don't wanna get into it. Also the title was originally a keysmash but it autocorrected to land and I kept it 1/10

"Nigihayami Kohakunushi x reader" (draft) - wow conceited much? -10/10

"Howl & Sophie but not bc fight" (draft) - I was jealous of an anime girl and needed a fix-it fic 0/10

"Akiba's Beat" (draft) - ongoing pet project of mine. one of those fics that is for me and me only. gets a good rating because I love it. nearing 700 chapters and it's like seventeen different stories going on at once but I am in love with basically everyone in that game (bar mippity mop and saki) 10000000/10

"Toxin" (draft) - the only oc insert fic I've ever written and it was partially for a friend but also it's like four paragraphs of my oc waking up in orochimaru's lab with amnesia and meeting my friend's oc 0/10

"Queen Texts" (published) - gets fairly good interaction for some reason. I only wrote it to jump on the "group chat text fic" bandwagon I don't understand the hype also none of the jokes were funny ?? 6/10

"BNHA oneshots" (draft) - by 'oneshots' I guess I meant half a kaminari fic and a decent start to a decent shigaraki fic, might circle back to that one actually idk 0/10

"double-edged sword" (draft) - good concept? the first crossover fic I ever attempted. I got impatient after writing the first chapter though so the second chapter is a massive time skip to the juicer parts of the story thank god no one else has ever seen this 5/10

"more persona 5 bullshit" (draft) - the concept was ok and the execution was okay but it was also kinda ??? reader was Akira's sister and hooked up with Yusuke and Akira got mad and then reader 'woke a persona' except not she was just a floating jester who had some power pertaining to confidants' tarot cards or something 3/10

"No Secrets Spilled" (draft) - another persona 5 fic I had an obsession I'm aware. I have no idea what the fuck was happening it was about a reader who's super good at keeping secrets, one of those secrets being she's the sidekick to a cyber criminal being hunted by the phantom thieves 2/10

"Coaster Crazy" (draft) - a Joe mazzello fic about aspiring actress reader getting cast as his love interest in a film called coaster crazy. I liked it but I gave up on it because it was too much effort trying to come up with a 'script' for a 'film' 5/10

"Queenies: Rated M for Mature" (unpublished) - was a collaboration with some friends who turned out to be a bunch backstabbing motherfuckers -10/10 bad memories

"sky rim one shots?" (meant to be read in the same tone as bill wurtz saying majapahit) (draft) - it is simply one draft that was barely even a start to a fic. an elf banished from the silver crescents comes to Delvin to join the guild. she was banished because she kept wasting her earnings trying to find her best friend (lover) Nir for years and years and years. Turns out Nir changed his name to Niruin when his father disowned him 4/10

"the rfa is one big party" (draft) - gives off vibes like a fic from 2011. it's equal parts zen x jaehee, seven x yoosung, reader x jumin, except it's like a gazillion chapters of buildup (all through 'texts') that slowly leads to everyone living together and that's literally as far as I got 1/10

"BoRhap Cast/Queen Trioshots" (unpublished) - trioshots are not a real thing I don't think I'm pretty sure I made that up but they should be (only just now realizing they are a thing but they're called trilogies) they should be more common in fanfiction I think anyway they were pretty bad it would be 5/10 but I'm subtracting points for a particularly sad trioshot about roger's girlfriend reader being cheated on and then realizing her best friend John is the perfect man for her so 1/10

"akiba's beat x persona 5 crossover fic" (draft) - been there done that and didn't even try to give it a better title. this one was about reader being a hacker and doing basically the same thing Futaba did to try and lure the phantom thieves to violet eden because she was suspicious about the metaverse and delusions being similar 0/10

"Candy Shop fanfiction" (draft) - gonna be straight up with this one: this was fanfiction of a porn game series about a dude named Andy fucking girls made of different types of candy (and one time also fucking his coworker who is the daughter of satan) -10/10 not a good thought

"...even more persona 5 bullshit" (draft) - I really gave up with titles, huh. In which reader is a quiet reserved girl in Akira's class who occasionally skips a day of school and comes back the next day having pulled a stunt like keying a teacher's car or tp-ing the school. anyway ryuji found a secret admirer note (from reader obviously) and found out it was her and tried to ask her out but Ann reminded him they were going to do "charity work" after school but then Y/n followed them into Kamoshida's castle and ended up waking a persona not even for herself, she was just mad Kamoshida hurt Ryuji lmao 0/10

"[redacted] x me" (draft) - not me fantasizing about my hot teacher oop- 0/10 he'd think it's creepy and so do I

"Jareth is a babie" (draft) - the reader was Sarah's niece and she gave her the book for her birthday and then reader wandered into the underground and met jareth and that's where it ended 1/10

"LOLOL" (draft) - back in the days of good ol' RinMaru Games, I used all the necromancer makers and warrior makers and thief makers and based all their designs on MC and then tried to write a yoosung fic that took place almost entirely in the world of lolol 2/10 I miss rinmaru so much

"oh okay" (draft) - literally I just wrote the lead up and the part where you go to the dawnstar sanctuary and see arnbjorn and then go inside to find Cicero except I made the reader character yell responses to everything Cicero said 0/10

"I'm a dangerous man, MC" (draft) - written before I completed Seven's route, and I have never played other story, so I have no idea what I was thinking. Based solely on the fact that seven doesn't shut up about being dangerous, I decided to write some bullshit fic about Saeran hacking the reader's phone to stop contact with her bff seven oh seven and slowly manipulate her into thinking "oh wait is he serious? is he dangerous?" and eventually coercing her into letting him "kidnap" her and they basically run away together and seven is after them the whole time to rescue the reader and idk it was weird 1/10 just because I spent too much time on it

"it's just more jareth" (draft) - three chapters of my venting about the backstabbing motherfuckers from "queenies: rated m for mature" (see above). it was supposed to be a comfort fic where I dump my "friends" and wish for jareth to take me away and then he does and we fall in love but I didn't get very far 1/10

"Cheydinhal" (draft) - another ongoing pet project, slowly growing into a longer and longer sob story. It starts far in the past, when Cicero first moves into the cheydinhal sanctuary after his home in bruma is destroyed. he makes friends with a fellow member of the Black Hand and then one day she disappears (it's called a prison sentence, cicero, she was tried for murder) and then they're separated for years but meet again decades later on the roads of Skyrim. reunited, they fall in love. nazir is confused 1000000/10 my favorite wip

"no thanks" (draft) - ??? like three sentences??? I think it was an OHSHC fic??? 0/10

"Cicero not even oneshots anymore" (draft) - Serana's sister reader falls in love with the jester basically 0/10 not good at all

"Sims 4 boyfriend imagines" (draft) - I lost a bet. the only thing there is vampire au imagines. I wanna hate this but I think about soft Vlad too often 5/10

"My Name Is Me" (draft) - literally what the fuck. this was an original thing and not fanfiction but ??? It's about a kid named Me You what the fuck. Anyway his secret spy uncle dies and it's up to Me and his friends to finish his uncle's last mission idk 0/10

"fanfiction mistakes that piss me off" (draft) - would've been popular in 2008 I think. the entire first chapter is just the word orbs a bunch of times. I also called my general audience "thottie ass hoes" but only specifically if they "don't read a/n 's (author's note)" 0/10

"The Princess {Joe Mazzello x Reader}" (draft) - it was supposed to be a sequel to "The Queen" (mentioned up there somewhere^^) but there's literally nothing there it's a blank document you guys wtf 0/10

"this*has*no*plot" (draft) - another original thing. I didn't get far with it but it's about a beautiful princess with lots of suitors but no will to get married so she sneaks out of her window one night and goes on an adventure except she keeps meeting interesting people who are the main character of their own stories whereas she is a temporary side character in all of their stories. It's meant to seem as if there no movement in the story, just her being a stepping stone in other stories that we do not follow 0/10

"pleas" (draft) - another original thing but I'll be damned if I can tell you what it's about. Time travel? Super powers? A bunch of different characters who all knew this "max" guy at different time periods and he leads them all to a wine cellar hidden in a forest at a certain point in time and then there's like five of "max" but all different ages?? Idk bruv 3/10 for being kinda interesting I guess

here are some notable moments from things that will never see the light of day: