#eldarya karenn

[verystrxxwberry]

Hello Alex, I hope you're doing very well! I think your writing is incredible because you manage to convey the exact essence of the character, so I would like to ask you for an angst hc of Nevra first night since Erika entered the crystal. I'm not fluent in English so I apologize for any mistakes, have a great day and take care!

ELDARYA; the first night Erika entered the crystal

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𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: How did Nevra experience the first night Erika entered the crystal, sfw, angst, eldarya TO. ↝ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Oh my, it’s the first time someone ever tells me that, and I am very glad you think that! I do my best to write as good as I can the character because I fear doing something weird with the character (plus they aren’t my oc so it is different: probably the way I think about them in a situation is different than the opinion of another person) but anyway! Enjoy it.

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The first night was the hardest. Nevra arrived as quickly as possible to the crystal room, but still he arrived too late to help anyone. His best friend was lying down on the floor, his body surrounded by blood and not showing any answer at the sounds around him. Still, Nevra had the last hope of Valkyon being alive- he had to be alive. He didn’t mind getting his hands dirty by Valkyon’s blood, he shook him, tried pcr on him, he yelled at the body. But that body was empty already.

His tears came out without control, and he didn’t even mind because he was too busy trying to accept what his eyes were seeing. It had to be a nightmare. He couldn’t believe it.

Nevra turned around, gazing at Miiko, who was being attended by Eweleïn, but there were no signs of Leiftan or Erika, so he started yelling their names.

He wandered around the crystal room searching for them both, desperate and with a deep pain clawing at his heart. Even if his face was filled with tears, he had an expression of rage. His fists were clenched, prepared to punch Lance if he had the chance to find him.

But when they got told that Erika and Leiftan got trapped in the crystal, he truly hoped for it to break again. This shouldn’t be happening. He approached the crystal and hugged it, screaming if they could hear him.

Come on, the last conversation he had with Erika was to drink from her blood. She allowed him to keep the fight with energy, and he had to do something to help her too. But he couldn’t do anything.

He sobbed against the crystal like a little kid. His emotions were dominating every sense and control in his body. Nevra didn’t mind if there were people from the town watching him breakdown over that, at the end it was normal to break down after seeing the consequences of a war.

It was Ezarel who separated Nevra from the crystal and told Karenn to distract him outside. Nevra was reluctant to let go of the crystal, it stole his lover, his Erika. That place also held the last thing he would remember about his best friend, Valkyon.

All the time he remained outside the general headquarters, he spent it embracing Karenn and crying in her arms. He was desperate and his words went from “I can’t do this anymore” to “this is so unfair.” But he couldn’t change the past.

When the night came, Nevra went to the crystal room, which was still destroyed but finally empty. The silence on it was terrifying, it felt like all the color he saw around in his life was suddenly gone: everything was gray and carried the heavy weight of death. Even if his chest was heavy of remembering what just happened hours before, he decided to stay there. He sat on the floor, looking up at the crystal with the tiny hope of seeing any sign from Erika or Leiftan.

He blamed himself, thinking that he would probably have been able to stop Lance if he just came minutes before. He could have saved Valkyon. He could have saved Erika and Leiftan from being trapped in the crystal. But thinking that way… he could have saved Mery, he could have saved Ykhar as well. He could have saved so many people yet he was always late. And why was he feeling bad over Leiftan? He hated feeling sad for losing him after all the stuff he did, but he couldn’t help it. There was something about all the time he spent with Leiftan that made him miss him.

Nevra heard steps behind him but didn’t even bother to look around. If it was someone willing to stab him, he’d gratefully accept… but no. It was Ezarel who offered him a bottle of water. The elf sat beside Nevra and looked at the crystal. They shared a few words, where Nevra told him with a hoarse voice that he was terribly afraid of losing anyone else. xd

Ezarel remained silent, but he decided that it was correct to embrace his friend and stay there with him. They shared the same deep sadness and anxiety over the situation, so he also found comfort in Nevra’s presence.

They both didn’t sleep a bit through the night. Ezarel had his eyes closed, his head resting on Nevra’s shoulder, but not being able to sleep. Nevra had his eyes open all the time, staring at the crystal and visualizing how it could’ve been if he was there on time.

The next morning he had to take a nap because the headache he had was terribly painful.

The next days Nevra was off. His attention was driven into memories, into the things he experienced that day. He was closed in his own world, and the only ones he dared to open were Ezarel and Karenn.

His sleeping schedule was terrible, either he slept and had nightmares or he couldn’t sleep at all. That also came along with his eating schedule, which was also terrible as he felt nauseous most of the time. It was Karenn the one who forced him to try to eat something to at least feed his body- and it worked, because he was starving, but the anxiety made him feel nauseous constantly.

His coldness increased when he lost Ezarel. Nevra showed himself as being fine with the decision the elf took. He was an adult capable of making his own decisions after all. But he was deeply in denial about it. It was too soon for him to lose another friend. But he did, he lost Ezarel too soon for him to learn to cope with it properly.

✰; remember to reblog and like to support my content, I hope you enjoyed it!

[babymiiko]

Period. I wish I had that kinda sas, courage and relationahip at the age of 15 (cus if u dont remember this mf and her bf [who got stabed] were 15 at the time)

[averil2004]

Nevra and Karenn and also Lance and Valkyon: *cute and perfect relations as siblings*

*Meanwhile Erian and Ezarel*

Ezarel: B!tch!

Erian: Wh0re!

Miiko *to Gardienne*: To be honest, I think our boys have the most realistic relation.

Gardienne: Agreed.

[the-skull-breaker]

Karenn being a Karen

[trechoseldarya]

Karenn: "Você pode escolher ser irmã de apenas um de nós, não vamos ficar chateados."

Érika: *escolhe apenas o Chrome*

Karenn: *-10 de afinidade*

[jxcotts]

best girl miiko really should make a comeback💋

[candysweetposts]

Shut up, Karenn! No one asked!

It's like BV is trying to spite us or something.

[kuchenprince]

Really quick aesthetic pic set for some of the Eldarya TO girls

Girls and pics links  👇

1. Miiko | black fox, blue flames, geta shoes

2. Ykhar | bunny, barefoot, books

3. Cameria | dreadlocks, muscles, terranium

4. Enthraa | shark, stair, dorsal

5. Colaia | hands, bandage, hair

6. Ewelein | alchemy, dark elf, lipstick

7. Karenn | nails, fangs, whisper

8. Alajea | barefoot, scales, pet

9. Huang Hua | makeup, chinese dress, phoenix

10. Yue | ethnic tattoo, red thread, necklace

[nessyyg]

Jamon, Karuto, Feng Zifu, Chrome, Karenn, Ewelein, Koori, Huang Hua, Huang Chu, Lance and Nevra: *exist*

Nessy: I. AM. IN. LOVE. ♥️

[maybeimavillain-byleif]

My besties getting married is all what I wanted to see🥹🥹🥹

[crowned-clown-rising]

When I write ep 18 in my fic I'm going to make EVERYONE wear something nice. None of this nonsense of only Karenn, Chrome and Erika changing clothes.

Anyway what do you think everyone would wear? any suggestions?

[linaselandbasil]

From the draft of ch.36

[verystrxxwberry]

I'm not sure if it's too late ( just tell me before if it is pls)! Can you write Nevra and Lance when they realize they have feelings for the gardienne?

I feel like Lance would be panicking and in denial while Nevra couldn't believe it (since he was usually a player at that time)!

Thank you!!!

ELDARYA; Nevra and Lance realizing their feelings for you

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𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: Fluff, sfw, ANE, individual headcanons ↝ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: You’re fine, this is a cute request actually.

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NEVRA

He couldn’t deny that you were a fun person to have around, yet he wouldn’t have guessed that you were in his mind for deeper reasons.

Makes excuses to be with you.

He knew something felt strange when he was around you, because his mind was completely calm. His thoughts weren’t naughty or messy as always. He had no reason to worry about anything besides you.

Night stands stopped even before he realized what he felt for you. Everytime he was with someone in bed, you were in his mind. And he didn’t think of you to get pleasure or that way, he simply thought that he was disappointing you. He felt that he was betraying himself, his own feelings, and also he was betraying you somehow.

That happened more than twice and he decided to cease his night stands before feeling you’d hate him- but that was only his feeling.

He got more flirty towards you. The time you spent together he’d grow bolder with the closeness and compliments, not much to overwhelm you, but to make you shy.

Your dynamic would seem too obvious as a relationship, as everyone would think you are dating since he got more touchy than he used to be towards you.

Even Karenn knew had a crush on you because he never saw him acting like that towards anyone before. When she talks to him about it he still denies to feel something like that. He’s blind asf…

But she’d ask him to explain his honest thoughts about you and well… Karenn simply said “it is so embarrassingly obvious that you’re in love that you can’t even accept it”.

Ha, ha… that had him overthinking his feelings for you. He valued you as a great friend. His heart bumped too fast when he was around you, he felt eager to see you when he was alone- there was something about you that made him become a better person. Not to impress you, but only because you deserve to be treated well. He appreciated you. He loved you.

And yet he needed more time to check what he was feeling to confirm it.

LANCE

It all started when he was still an ally with Leiftan. The first time he saw you made him feel a rush of adrenaline different from the one he felt when he had to hurt a victim. He kept his mind remembering what of a gorgeous being you were.

At that moment the only problem was the position in which you both were.

But after the crystal incident and seeing you back from it made him feel that adrenaline much harder than he remembered.

He got anxious whenever he thought about going somewhere and you being there. With time, no matter if your relationship got closer, he still felt anxious being around you; but he knew that he’d enjoy and feel calm once he finally was with you.

You were his last thought of the day and the first one in the morning.

No, no, no. He felt like a complete creep. He hated to feel how thinking about you would comfort his corrupted and evil mind. He doubted that your thoughts about him would be any comfort for you.

He is pretty aware of him having a crush for you because he had spontaneous crushes when he was younger. Yet he panics every time you’re there. For him, you’re completely out of his reach. You’re too pure for him.

He becomes quiet around you, and he seems constantly distracted.

I’ve mentioned this in previous hcs, but he’d get distant for a few days until he is brave enough to speak his feelings out loud. He didn’t hate you. His eyes wandered towards you curiously and protectively even if he acted too cold. But his feelings for you were so intense that his focus in work was terrible. He couldn’t risk it.

He hated ignoring you and making you feel bad, he hated being such a coward. That’s why he decided to take you on a date to repay you for all the time he ignored you and to be honest with his feelings.

✰; remember to reblog and like to support my content, I hope you enjoyed it!

[averil2004]

Karenn: So... What about your parents?

Chrome: My parents? *looks at Erian and Leiftan* Well...

[imbellatrix]

Zhurial ("Origins") — Eldarya NE Headcanons; 🌌🪻

In my headcanons, Nevra truly loves his culture. He values it deeply and feels genuinely offended when someone disrespects it, even unintentionally.

However, if you ask him if he misses living in Yaqut, he says no. Sometimes he feels nostalgic for certain things, like a favorite childhood dish. Nevra thinks the clothing is beautiful, Yaqut itself is magnificent, the food is delicious (it's usually quite spicy, which explains his love for hot food), and some of the traditions and events are fascinating. But overall, Nevra feels free and welcomed in the South.

He says the South gives him a freedom, especially to travel the world, that he could never have in Yaqut. This is one of the reasons he doesn’t miss living in his homeland. There's also the traditional conservatism in Yaqut.

Erika had also developed an affection for Nevra's culture after listening to him talk about it extensively, despite not being familiar with it herself. Some nights, before bedtime, Nevra taught her Qutarian words and phrases, accompanied by symbolic hand gestures, a Yaqutian sign language. He taught her "Nahari," meaning "my angel." Sometimes Nevra called her that.

The gesture involved tracing a delicate curve in the air, as if drawing wings, followed by touching Erika's forehead and tracing a line to her heart, symbolizing the soul-heart connection. Finally, he closed his hands into a shell, indicating possession. This term had a feminine and masculine version; the masculine version was "Naharu," but the signs were identical. Nevra shared popular proverbs:

• "La tahlam niram qabla shurukh" - "Don't count the stars before sunrise." (Don't anticipate problems)

• "Al-nar la yuhriq bila nar" - "Fire doesn't burn without fire." (Passion needs fuel; love needs love)

• "Kahluna tazhary fī al-ghasaq" - "Kahluna blooms in twilight." The purple Kahluna flower, native to Yaqut, blooms in darkness, symbolizing resilience. It thrives in challenging conditions. This proverb uses the flower as a metaphor for love, signifying that love can emerge even in turbulent times, like war.

Erika now understood why Karenn called her that. Her surname, Calluna, was the same flower. On Earth, Calluna meant simply "purple flower," and Erika had no idea it existed in Eldarya.

Nevra often speaks to Érika in his sleep, calling out to her and asking her to stay. He also tends to speak in his native language when irritated, cursing in Qutian or muttering to himself. Sometimes, he and Karenn converse in their native tongue. On missions, when Nevra and Karenn cannot make noise, they communicate through sign language from a distance.

In Yaqut, they wear accessories adorned with green crystals. Nevra wears a collar with the crystal, just like Orgelz. Maora wears a diadem with the crystal, while Karenn has various fragments of the crystal on his collar, cord, and hairpin. This green crystal, according to Yaqutian beliefs, brings protection. These emeralds are a divine gift from Ahrakar, the Guardian God, who protects Yaqut from desert monsters, and the emerald is said to ward off death. The blessed emerald's name is Ta'riz.

Nevra's favorite place in Yaqut was the Oasis of Goddess Nilah, deity of water and fertility. He would often sneak out of class to visit the Oasis with Karenn and his two close friends, Khayuna and Thorvos.

Nevra excels in various subjects, including Mathematics, Geography, and History. His father always pushed him to learn multiple languages. However, Nevra dislikes his Native Language class. He believes Mathematics is superior because it is universal and unchanging; 1 + 1 equals 2 regardless of time or place. Native languages, on the other hand, change over time. The way people communicated in 1500 is not the same as today. This is why Nevra dislikes this subject.

The economy of Yaqut is primarily based on the trade of unique and exotic spices used in cuisine and medicine. Precious metals like gold and copper are also extracted and used in jewelry and currency. Additionally, Yaqut is known for its diverse textile production and beautiful tapestries.

Kellinroe, Nevra's father, was a wealthy and influential figure in Yaqut, serving as a trusted advisor to the clan leader. His vast fortune was built on his lucrative mining ventures, which yielded rich deposits of gold, copper, and precious gems. For centuries, Kellinroe's shrewd business acumen and strategic decision-making enabled him to corner the market on Yaqut's most valuable resources, solidifying his position as one of the clan's most powerful members.

Maora, Nevra's mother, was a woman of exceptional intelligence, elegance, and strategic wit. As the matriarch of the family, she skillfully managed the household and its vast network of alliances, leveraging her charm and diplomatic prowess to maintain the family's social standing. Renowned for her impeccable taste, Maora was the driving force behind Yaqut's most extravagant balls, showcasing her talent for bringing together the clan's elite. Her razor-sharp mind and cunning enabled her to navigate the intricate web of Yaqut's society, ensuring the family's prosperity even after Kellinroe's passing. Some whispered that her sharp mind and cunning surpass even that of her late husband, whose legacy she deftly safeguarded. With grace and poise, Maora navigated the complex politics of Yaqut, securing her family's future through her impeccable judgment and unwavering determination.

[otomes-and-tears]

♦ an unsung melody (is mine for safekeeping) (7/7) ♦

► tags/warnings: pregnancy, past character death, angst, childbirth

► words: 3812

► A/N: The long-awaited conclusion!

Part (01)  (02)  (03)  (04) (05) (06)

► Masterlist

“Oh, you’re finally home!”

Erika smiled, her voice carrying a cheerfulness that didn’t quite match the exhaustion in her eyes. It takes effort for her to stand up from their couch, waddling over to Nevra as he stood by the entrance of their little home.

Nevra rushes to close the short distance between them, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. His arms wrap tightly around her shoulders as he breathes her in, and his eyes flutter closed as he ground himself in her presence.

That was how Erika knew his day had been particularly difficult. 

With her due date approaching, and Eldarya’s growing unrest, Nevra more often than not would only creep into their new, shared home at odd hours of the night. If he came in at all.

Those days were usually the worst.  

The ones where she’d wake up in the morning and find the other side of the bed to be too cold. On the nights he did return, she could see how beaten down he seemed to be, carrying alone the weight of unspoken burdens. It has been a source of strife, lately. Nevra was too afraid of something going wrong to burden her with any more stress, and she refused to be so helpless, wanting to do anything to help.

“I would’ve gone over to you,” he murmured into her hair. “You didn’t need to get up.”

“I needed to move anyway,” Erika said lightly, squirming out of his embrace just enough to study his face, her eyes flickering over him to check for any signs of injury. “My back was starting to hurt from sitting so long.”

Nevra frowned, brushing her hair back with a tenderness that still made her heart flip. “I thought your back hurt if you stood too long?”

“That too.” She grimaced “Honestly, my back hurts regardless of what I do. My feet too— But having to rest so much is making me antsy.”

“I can tell.” Nevra locks the door behind him, double-checking all the locks to ensure the door is properly secured. Chrome complains about how often he has to herd you back home. Lately, just seeing you outside makes him nervous.

“You’re not that much better.” 

She chuckled. Despite it bordering on annoying, Nevra’s increasing protectiveness could be, on occasion, terribly endearing.

Karenn had taken some time to explain it: it was a vampire thing. Being this close to the due date, his instincts asked him to make sure she was somewhere safe and familiar when their child was born. He’d be more over-protective in the weeks following the birth, but at the very least his attention would also be focused on their baby instead of just breathing down her neck and stopping her from walking to their kitchen for a glass of water.

Personally, Erika believes Karenn made it up to justify his, and her , bouts of overprotectiveness. 

In truth, everyone around her had been on edge since she hit her third trimester.

The morbid part of Erika’s mind thinks they might be preparing for the possibility of death in childbirth.

Eyes linger on her even more often than before, and friends, old and new, seem a little too willing to stop by to reminisce. 

No one tells her, but she knows. She knows all too well.

Nevra’s hands find the small of her back, as he gently guides her to the couch again. 

He’s exhausted, but winding down with her at night is the best part of his day.

With her pregnancy, he has avoided missions that require too much travel. As Huang Hua’s right-hand man, it’s not like such things are often expected of him anyway. It’s easier to delegate tasks, but now that Erika is on the home stretch, and the baby can come at any moment now, Nevra has been spending long hours getting his affairs in order, ready to go on leave when their child is born.

He has no hope of being able to properly go on leave, but he wants to make sure the amount of work he has is minimal, instead of the mountains of paperwork he usually has to deal with.

“You know I can’t help it. And the closer we get to the date…” He trailed off, his eyes flicking to her rounded belly with a mixture of awe and anxiety. She doesn’t comment on it but could sense a nervous energy to him, simmering just below the surface, just barely suppressed.

“How are you feeling? Have they…”

He starts, the words winding down into nothingness as the hand previously on her back moves underneath her shirt, caressing the taut skin of her belly. Erika cringes slightly at the coldness of his hands. Nevra is likely doing this both to greet their child and as a ploy to warm his hands. He has always been attracted to her warmth, which is especially annoying when her base temperature has been up, she’s feeling unbearably hot all the time, but her beloved partner insists on being all over her like a sentient weighted blanket.

“The usual,” Erika replied, resting a hand over his. “They’re still too cosy in there to want to leave, making me miserable. I swear, If they don’t decide to come out soon, I’ll reach in and pull them out myself.”

Nevra’s lips quirked into a small smile, but his lilac eyes betrayed him, still soft with worry. He didn’t speak for a long moment, his thumb tracing slow, rhythmic circles across her skin, following any tiny movement he could feel in her belly. 

He used to complain about how sombre she could be. About all the what-ifs that tormented her, the dark jokes she made at her own expense as a consequence of her past, and all the terrible misfortune that coloured their time together.

Things got much better after her pregnancy progressed and she got too focused on their move, obsessing over every little detail of their shared home, to concern herself with these things. It felt like a burst of optimism, being allowed to focus on the future for once rather than being tethered to her painful past.

But as her due date approached, it seemed like things became sombre again.

The light dimmed, a heavy fog settling in between them. She could only walk towards the light, hoping that it would lead to something good, rather than more tragedy. 

“I started writing in the baby book again,” Erika said, breaking the silence. Her voice was light, almost casual, but there was a tremor underneath it. Nevra’s hand stills for just a moment before he forces himself to continue tracing shapes in her belly.

The rhythm is broken, however. Too stilted to seem natural.

“Just little things,” she murmured, looking away. “The way you hum when you’re stressed. How you always bring me fruit for breakfast, even though you hate how it smells, the lyrics to lullabies from back home…”

“It sounds like you’re writing a farewell letter,” Nevra said softly, his voice tight.

She swallows, hard, there’s a beat where the conversation dies, too long, too uncomfortable when things around him felt so easy beforehand.

“Maybe I am.”

His grip on her tightened, his fingers curling protectively over her stomach. She distantly recognises the shapes he’s tracing as protective runes.

“You shouldn’t,” Nevra pleas, and she can’t bring herself to look at him. “You’re going to be just fine.”

“I just… want them to know me,” she said, her voice breaking. “In case I don’t—”

“You will,” Nevra interrupted, his voice firm. “You will know them. You’ll be there for everything.  And if you can’t finish that stupid book, I will. I’ll fill every single page... They’ll know you, Erika.”

She nodded, her throat too tight to speak, and leaned into his shoulder. He held her, a little too tightly, as the baby stirred between them, both of them lost in their thoughts.

—

It starts gradually.

She never expected labour to be like this. It doesn’t really matter how many baby books she read, or how many times medics walked her through all the steps of labour, the idea of it that always seemed to come to mind came from all the movies and shows she watched back home.

Things always start suddenly. A sharp pain, then your water breaks, then all hell breaks loose. In a neat twenty-one minutes, you’re holding your perfect, healthy, clean baby.

Reality is much, much more painful than fiction.

For starters, there’s a lot more waiting involved.

Waiting and counting.

Waiting until the contractions get strong enough, waiting until they’re timeable. Waiting until they’re close enough apart and last for long enough. 

Waiting until the water breaks, until her cervix is dilated. Until they can give her something to manage the pain.

Waiting, waiting, waiting .

It’s worse than the nine months that came beforehand. The wait seems far longer, heavier, and more anxiety-inducing.

Nevra was there the whole time. Labour lasted far longer than either expected, but he refused to leave Erika’s side, or their shared home until his firstborn was safe in his arms. He must’ve snapped at Eweleïn three times, begging her to do anything to do anything to mitigate Erika’s pain, before she threatened to kick him out and only let him back inside once it was finished.

He was much more compliant, then.

The early morning hours blurred together as Erika gripped the edge of the bed, her breathing ragged. Each contraction tore through her with an intensity that made the world tilt, and yet it wasn’t the pain that filled her with dread—it was the knowledge that this might be the end of the road.

The room was silent, save for the occasional rustle of fabric and Eweleïn’s hushed instructions. Erika can only barely process the flurry of movement around her as nurses and healers rush into position, getting vials filled with colourful potions into a table and preparing the station where her child is going to be examined. Why they hadn’t bothered to do so in the hours she was waiting for her cervix to dilate enough for her to be able to push was beyond her.

Erika’s laboured breaths filled the air as she clung to Nevra’s hand, her grip tight as she bordered on desperation. The birth had been harder than anyone expected, threaded with extreme caution. Her mind felt too hazy to properly process any words that weren’t “ push” and the vague notion that she had lost a little too much blood. 

She was exhausted and hungry by too many hours of labour and in terrible pain. Nevra whispered soft assurances into her skin, which made her feel a little better, even if she couldn’t understand them.

“Almost there, Erika,” 

Eweleïn said, her voice firm but gentle, though even she looked strained. As exhausted by the experience as they all were.

Erika nodded, her hair plastered to her forehead with sweat. She couldn’t waste energy on words. All she could think about was the fragile life she was bringing into a world that had never shown her mercy.  

“You’re doing amazing,” Nevra said, his voice trembling as he pressed a kiss to her damp forehead. “Just a little longer, sweetheart. I’m right here.”

She nodded, her grip tightening on his hand. 

“Nevra,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “If I don’t—”

“Please,” he cut her off, his voice sharper than he intended. He softened immediately, brushing her hair back, guilt flashing in his eyes. “You’ll be just fine. You’re stronger than anyone I’ve ever known, and you’ve come so far..”

Erika closed her eyes as another contraction hit, her scream muffled against his chest.

Eweleïn’s voice broke through the tension.

“One more push, Erika. You’re almost there.”

Part of her wanted to scream at her old friend. It seemed like she was insisting that it was just one more push for hours. 

With a final, desperate cry, Erika bore down with all the strength she had left, and then there was silence. 

For one agonizing moment, the world seemed to hold its breath, Erika’s heart pounding in her chest as a familiar dread washed over her, until the piercing, shrill, wail of her newborn shattered the stillness.

It’s like they all breathe a sigh of relief. 

Her body slumps back into the pillows, finally allowed to relax after what felt like an interminable effort, but she is still trembling from the aftermath.

Then she cries.

Out of relief they both shared, that the worst was over. That she managed to overcome the biggest hurdle and they both pulled through. All those months of dread, all those nagging thoughts that tainted every happy moment were finally proven wrong.

Nevra let out a choked laugh, his own eyes wet as Eweleïn finally handed the baby to Erika.

Her hold on the newborn is a little awkward, but with her Eweleïn’s assistance, she’s able to hold the baby securely in her weak limbs. Her dear friend wipes away her tears with a proud smile, holding back her own tears through a thin veil of professionalism.

"It's a girl"

The elf announces, her giddiness is as infectious as her smile. Eweleïn lingers around the new parents for a brief moment, the three old friends relishing in the victory of a battle well-fought, before she leaves them, caught up again in the flurry of activity inside of the room. Their time with the newborn right now is limited, before she's weighed, cleaned and thoroughly examined, but Erika is glad to have this little moment of privacy. To be inside of this perfect little bubble with Nevra and the child she finally gets to meet.

The vampire regards them both with awe, his eyes lighting up as he watches their tiny, bloody little baby squirm in her mother’s arms. 

“You did it,” he murmured, his voice raw with relief. “You’re both here. You’re both safe.”

Maybe in a few years, when this is all long past them, Erika will manage to feign being offended at his blatant disbelief, but right now, she echoes the sentiment. 

They’re both there, and safe .

She had grown too used to things being good, too good , and then being ripped away from her.

In her eyes, the past few months, where she got her life back with Nevra, was an anomaly. She lived in fear, waiting for her time to run out, for the inevitable other shoe to drop, for another world-ending event to wipe away all of those she had loved.

But now she holds her baby close. Her precious little girl, with her father’s pointy ears and her mum’s nose, allowing herself to enjoy the moment with no reservations. No catastrophising. Even if it doesn’t last, and the fear of their future crushes her again, she allows herself this one thing.

The weight of her survival was heavy, but for this moment, it was worth it.

For her.

—

The stars were scattered across the night sky as Erika sat on the edge of the cliff overlooking the forest, weeks later. The baby, swaddled and asleep, was cradled safely in her arms. The aengel had insisted on being left alone, though Nevra had hovered like a shadow at the edge of her vision, reluctant to leave her or their daughter’s side for even a moment.

She allows him to walk the familiar path with them, a few steps behind. It’s a little game— He can join, just as long as he stays out of her view. If she spots him directly before they reach their destination, he needs to go home.

There isn’t much one can do with a child this new, but Erika manages. As soon as she could, she started taking her baby on little walks around the HQ, strapped to her chest, covered in soft clothes she hated to wear. Her walks usually happened at night, when the baby couldn’t stop crying and she needed to do something to keep herself sane when everyone else was asleep, and they were both away from prying eyes and well-meaning advice she frankly did not want.

She started by walking to the centenary tree, sitting by her own statue, talking to an old friend who was long gone, hoping the dim lights and her soft voice would soothe her child to rest. Later, when she was strong enough, her feet took her to the same cliffside that had shaped so much of her recent life.

Erika was no longer fragile from the delivery, but she wasn’t whole either.

The same powers that had once healed her so quickly now seemed sluggish, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that something about them had changed , evolved, much like everything else in her life.

Her bond with Leiftan still existed, and on the worst nights she could still sense him, sending her comfort in the only way he knew how, but he had mostly blocked her off. Her senses had grown mostly attuned to her child, helping her understand her daughter’s needs without fumbling as much as she feared she would. 

It’s strange to think that she’s a mother, now.

It only feels real now that her baby is in her arms, but it’s still an adjustment to be given this new title, to the way that people now perceive her.

Nevra joined her without a word, sitting close enough that their shoulders touched. He said nothing at first, allowing her a moment of quiet if she wishes, or to tell her what has been bothering her.

He just wanted to be nearby.

“Funny, right?” Erika’s voice cuts through the night, barely above a whisper, not wanting to wake their child. “We were sitting here, seven months ago. In this exact spot. And I told you I was pregnant.”

He smiles, almost despite himself, filled with a sudden nostalgia. She knows he’s just as exhausted as she is.

“The best, most terrifying night of my life.” 

Nevra announces, which makes Erika laugh, almost despite herself.

“You didn’t seem scared .”

“I was.” He admits “I still am.”

Why wouldn’t he be, after all?

Parenthood was scary. The moments leading up to it were, and the reality hit her much worse.

She loved her daughter more than words could say, but sometimes she felt like she had a hard time truly bonding with her. Feeling like herself again.

It’s a strange thought, that defined so much of her time after she woke up from her sacrifice. Others perceived her as a saviour, as a living legend.

The last Aengel.

Her friends regarded her as a long-lost friend, someone they loved but couldn’t quite remember. An echo of a different time.

She was always so lost in the different expectations. In all the titles she was given, and how much they clashed with the reality of who she is. Or at least she perceived herself as being.

The truth, she found, is that she, herself, doesn’t know the definitive answer.

Perhaps it was presumptuous to once think she did.

She’s a mixture of everything and nothing at all. Beyond all the suffocating titles, the weight of expectations, her fears and her story, she’s Erika .

The only way to feel like herself is to be herself. To stop pretending like she’s okay and like she isn’t afraid for the sake of others, to stop acting like the perfect sacrifice. The heroine they all craved.

It’s who she wants her daughter to know her as. It’s something she’d known for a long time, what was harder was to be that person, not just simply write down those words in a journal.

“She deserves more than this,” 

Erika said finally, voice barely above a whisper.

“More than what?”

Nevra tilted his head. 

“More than a mother who will probably leave her before she learns how to walk,” Erika replied, bitterness lacing her words. “More than a father who has to juggle the world’s problems with raising her.”

Nevra didn’t flinch. He had always been steady like that, even when everything else felt like it was crumbling. He was just as scared as she was, she often reminded herself, and only recently had grown comfortable in expressing those fears to her.

“You’ve survived everything thrown at you so far,” he said, his voice firm but kind. “I know you don’t want to be the saviour again, but you’ll do it. Because you’re you.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

She looked at her daughter’s face. As how her plump cheeks are squished against her mother’s chest, deeply asleep, so serene, so full of life, and felt her heart ache. How could she bring herself to love this fiercely again, knowing it could be taken from her in a second?

Nevra rested his hand over hers, where it lay against the baby’s form. 

“She has all she needs, Erika. She has parents who love her, and people from the HQ and beyond who’d lay down their lives for her in a second if asked.” That makes her chuckle. “And most of all, I know that if something were to happen to you, you’d fight like hell to come back to us. You have before, back when you had much less to fight for.”

He said simply, the weight of his sincerity breaking through her walls. He’s right, she knows he is. She just needed to accept it.

She closed her eyes, letting the tears come.

When the sun rose, Erika stood at the edge of the forest, her daughter in Nevra’s arms as he waited nearby, shielding the baby’s eyes from the bright light. The horizon blazed with gold, and for just a moment, it felt like clarity.

It was her lighthouse, her way out of the fog that obscured her vision, out of the darkness and weariness that had once consumed her.

Erika spent so long fearing her death that it was hard to accept that, for once, she was allowed to live.

Things wouldn’t always be easy, and the calm she now knew wouldn’t last forever, but there was no use in suffering for what might be and losing all the joy of the life that she painstakingly built for herself. She had her happy ending all along, but in her fear, she didn’t even realise it.

She was tired of losses and of every single milestone being tarnished by her fear of the future. So, for now, she looked to the present. 

Erika turned back to them, her family , and smiled through her weariness.

“Just a little longer,” 

She whispered, more to herself than anyone else. When she smiles, she finds it to be sincere.

The road behind them was filled with darkness, perhaps, but she looked to the light that guided them. 

For her child. 

For Nevra. 

And most of all, for herself.