#hail the hotdog king

[kizzer55555]

The power of hotdogs

Danny is running to Gotham to escape the GIW. As he’s running into an alleyway, he crashes into non other than condiment king who proceeds to attack and hits the GIW goons behind him. This absolutely terrifies them due to the fact that their prestigious white clothes will be stained. The fact that he has people running in terror gives Condiment king a giddy feeling so he proceeds to chase them around Gotham.

Thus starts Danny’s constant exploits of running to condiment king when he’s being chased and the rogue scarring the living daylights out of the GIW. They develop nightmares and Condiment king starts developing new concoctions that will specifically stain clothes and never come out. Mwa ha ha!

Eventually, Danny gets adopted by the rogue and becomes his sidekick. Now, when people learned that condiment king got a new sidekick, they laughed. Who in their right mind would want to mentor under him. They believed that this was some poor sob who was down on their luck and truly desperate. That or some weirdo like the ‘king’ himself.

But they didn’t understand.

They didn’t understand that they should never have let Danny Fenton (known as Phantom) become Condiment King’s sidekick.

Danny knows how to animate hotdogs and other foods to create an army. Danny knows intimately about the secret nasty burger sauce that is capable of powerful explosions of you heat it up. Danny has knowledge in the usage and how to build various weaponry designed to shoot or even be powered by green sludge (which can easily be replaced by ketchup, mustard, or relish).

And he hasn’t even shown Gotham his power-set yet. No one knows why he calls himself phantom. For all they know, he’s just a normal (terrifying) human.

Everyone blames the GIW for this mess.

[thedroneranger]

Jake & Mrs. Seresin

(Cause I love them too damn much lol)

Is Jake a baseball or a football guy? I can totally see him being a hardcore baseball fan, but I’m absolutely biased 😂

What are their favorite teams, any sport and league?

I imagine their tailgates & game day parties get WILD 😜

Ahh, I love this question, May 😍 Feeding my soul with a sports ask!

Jake is a football man! He’s a lifelong Dallas Cowboys diehard! 

For college football, of course, he loves his alma mater: the United States Naval Academy. However, he grew up watching the University of Texas Longhorns, so he does have a burnt orange jersey in his collection that he wears when appropriate.

Mrs. Seresin hails from the Midwest, which is almost as football fueled as the South. Her loyalties are lax, so she doesn’t have a favorite team, but she hates the Packers. On Sundays, Mrs. Seresin’s background noise is whatever game is on. And by 5:20 on Sunday, she’s on the couch and ready for the prime time game.

They don’t host tailgates as often as they do backyard parties. They host for Thursday and Sunday NFL games, but also like to host college football Saturdays for big rivalry games (think UT vs. A&M and Michigan vs. Ohio State). They are also known for their Super Bowl parties. 

These two do not turn down a sporting event. A daytime date for them is going to the ballpark (major or minor league) to drink beer and eat hotdogs. Don’t bother asking them who won the game—they weren’t paying any attention. 

Mrs. Seresin also enjoys hockey, so she once talked Jake into going to a Kings game. Jake liked it, so he'll occasionally suggest they go when there’s a marquee opponent in town.

[ashleybow-art]

Last night while watching YouTube I was stuck with inspiration by... The Hotdog King! Give him all your bells! (just realized I forgot the stripey socks 😭)

@CrankGameplays

[nachodroppedfood]

hi guys im on my computer lol anyways omg what would the sdc characters reply to you asking them their pronouns. i think i already did this but im doing it again

Dan: He/him, deer. Thanks for asking :)

Nacho: i dunno, pick one.

Sad Tire: ask dan lol *falls asleep*

Tammy: the woman ones :)

Mall: don't refer to me.

Sdc Amy: oh, um, I'm a girl. i think. oh god.

Leah: she. her. *glares at you*

Ghost Amy: umm... im... uhhh.... th. i dont.. i dont know.... waaa......

Crunchy: HOTDOGS 😃

Jeremy: I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUT I DO KNOW THAT HIS MAJESTY IS COMING TO SAVE US ALL! HAIL THE NEW SHADOW KING!

Rainy: he/they baby B)

Worm Amy: *rubs mud on their head*

Literal Worm Amy: *eats fungi*

Sdc Isabella: I actually never put a lot of thought into it. Just use she/her for now, thank you :D

Bird Amy: I'm a bomber. I could care less what you call me.

Sunbeam: who are you?

Eleanor: child, what.

Talia: *incoherent squawking*

Priceless: meow.

[batfam-imagines]

Hope

This is loosely based off another fic I wrote for one of my other blogs @mymarvelimagines here’s the link to the original fic: Is That Her? Obviously this fic has quite a few changes, so I hope you like it! Let me know what you think!

———————————————————————————–

“I can’t, Arthur. I have a date tonight!”

Arthur lets out an exasperated huff, “I don’t really care what you have planned. You’re my Captain of the Guard, and I need you at this Justice League meeting. I’m going to introduce you to the rest of the JL members. Mera said I’m no longer allowed outside of Atlantis without an escort, so I’ve chosen you.”

You let out a huff and debate on just hanging up on your king, but eventually decide against it. “Very well. I’ll cancel my date, but next time I want at least 24-hours’ notice. You know I hate this last-minute shit.”

“You aren’t in the place to demand anything, Y/N. I am your king”

“Funny. I thought you were my brother. It’s you who can’t demand anything from me. I was your Captain of the Guard but got tired of all the ‘half-breed’ comments people kept making. You know damn well that I chose to live on land, so you can’t demand anything from me anymore!” You can feel the oceans magic that constantly thrums beneath your skin rising up as you speak, preparing for a fight. The days of you being an official Atlantean are long over, and sometimes Arthur willfully forgets that.

Arthurs growl crackles over the phones speaker, “Fine, you were one of my best fighters. I would greatly appreciate it if you would come with me this afternoon to the Watchtower. The soldiers still respect you, and the war council will take your word more seriously than mine. You’ve fought beside them more than I have, Y/N, you have their trust”

“And?”

Your brother groans, “Seriously? Alright, alright. Next time I need you I’ll try to give you some more notice”

“And?”

“Damnit, woman! I’m sorry! Is that what you wanted to hear? I’m sorry for being a total ass, and for trying to pull the whole king-thing on you”

“Thank you! It’s like pulling teeth to get an apology out of you!”

“Can you just be ready at 6 tonight?” You grunt an affirmation, and Arthur sighs, “You know I miss you, right? It’s just not the same without having you here”

“I know, but I’m not coming back, at least not permanently. And, you know, if you miss me so much you could swim your lazy ass back home and visit me and dad” You glance over at your aging father, sitting hunched and quite on the pier. “You should really come visit him soon, Arthur. He misses you”

“I will, Y/N. I promise, once this meeting is over tonight, I’ll be staying for the weekend. Speaking of, wear your gear, I want to show up the Bat and his brood, but keep your hood off. You’ll be getting to know everyone’s identities tonight”

“Fine, now I have to go. I need to call my date and cancel and make dad some breakfast. Oh, and warn your friends, if I get stopped by some kind of security it won’t be pretty”

“Noted, brat. I’ll let everyone know not to mess with my badass little sister”

“I’m only 8 minutes younger than you!”

Arthur lets out a barking laugh, “I’m still the oldest! See you tonight!”

–

Once Arthur hangs up, and breakfast is made, you retreat to your room to call your date: Jason. Koriand'r had introduced the two of you when the Outlaws had a mission that crossed Atlantean borders, and the two of you had instantly clicked. By the end of the mission they two of you decided to keep in touch. At first by sending letters, and once you had moved onto land by exchanging numbers. But even though you’d been talking to him, had even been considered his friend for almost a year, he hadn’t let you see his face. Whenever Snapchat was used, or the two of you video-chatted, Jason was always wearing at least his domino mask. Tonight was supposed to be the first night where you finally saw his entire face. But now you had to cancel.

Jason picks up on the first ring, “Hey, Y/N, I was just getting ready to call you”

You can’t help but smile at his sleep-roughened voice, it wasn’t easy being awake during the day when most of your crime-fighting happened at night. “Oh really? You just couldn’t wait until tonight?”

He chuckles, “Unfortunately not, sweetheart. Batman called me in on a last-minute assignment, he actually called all of us in, wouldn’t give any details until tonight though. I’m not real sure what the hell is going on, but I’m gonna have to cancel our date.”

Letting out a soft chuckle, you close your eyes in relief. You really hated to cancel plans or disappoint people, and now you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about not being able to make the date. “That’s fine, Jay. That’s similar to what I was gonna say too. My brother called me, said he needed me for some secret meeting tonight”

“Crime never sleeps, doll. Guess we’ll just have to reschedule when no annoying brothers or crazy family members can reach us”

“Yeah, Jay, we definitely will. If you think you can get out of showing me your face because of one botched date, then you’re sorely mistaken”

Jason chuckles, “Wouldn’t dream of it, Y/N. I’ll text you tonight after this thing for B, alright?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll let you know how my meeting goes. Bye, Jay”

“Bye, Y/N”

–

You stroll up to the ZETA Tube at 5:55 pm, “Hey, Arthur!”

Your brother pushes himself off the disguised transportation machine with a scowl, “You’re late”

Checking your watch, you flash a bright smile, “I’m not late. You said to be here at 6, it 5:57. And plus, I just had to stop for some chicken nuggets on the way here”

“Did you get me any?”

“I did, but then I ate them”

Arthur huffs, “Rude, I freaking love chicken nuggets. You’re getting me some after this damn meeting”

You roll your eyes, “Thought you were the ‘big brother’, aren’t you supposed to take care of little ol’ me?”

“Shut up and get in the ZETA. If I’m late to another meeting Batman will feed me to his children”

“Batman’s up there?” Arthur nods as he punches in his access code, “Cool, I always wanted to meet him”

–

“So, brother dearest, what’s this meeting about anyway and why do you need me to convince the War Council to take action? You’re the king, can’t you just command it?”

“I could try, but ever since you left any war actions I make are questioned. You were the one who actually won your arena fight, you gained their respect by the old laws. I only have it because I was deemed worthy enough to wield King Atlan’s trident.” Arthur’s shoulders slump slightly, “I just need you to listen to what the others have to say, then decide if Atlantean troops are necessary, okay?”

“Okay, okay. I will”

The two of you marched into the meeting, heads held high, “Everyone, I’d like to introduce you to my sister, Y/N. She’s -”

“Y/N?!” A man quickly stands up from the back of the room where he’d been leaning against the wall. He wasn’t wearing a mask, none of the heroes were now that you’d had the chance to notice, but that shock of white hair was unmistakable.

“Jason? What -?”

“You’re Atlantean? Why the hell didn’t you ever tell me that?! You never fuckin’ told me that you were Aquaman’s sister!!”

“I thought would be something you tell someone on the first date! Not over the phone!”

A dark-haired man, Nightwing going by his costume, leans closer to Jason, “Is that her? The girl you’ve been talking to for months now but were too shy to meet up with? I can see why you were nervous, Littlewing, she’s -” He’s cut off as another boy, this one shorter even than him and fine-boned – probably Red Robin – shoves an elbow into his side.

“Leave Jay alone, Dick. This is the first girl he’s shown more than a passing interest in since he’s been back” The pale boy smiles at you innocently, but his eyes are calculating. He plays innocent, used to people underestimating him before he strikes.

Then your eyes turn to the smallest of Jason’s brothers, the current Robin, who has yet to say anything. He just continues to sharpen one of his many swords while watching you, and smirks when your eyes lock. You can’t help but wonder if he’s ever trained with a trident.

Superman clears his throat, drawing everyone’s attention back to the center table, “Back to the reason we’re all here … We’ve received word that your half-brother is planning to start a war, and we need to help us stop it”

“Orm is always trying to usurp Arthur and take back the Atlantean throne, this isn’t anything new. Unfortunately, he’s … exceedingly difficult to capture because several of our people are still loyal to him, and Mother does not want him killed.” You sit down next to Arthur and Batman, quickly scanning over the notes they have about Orm’s forces.

Batman turns slightly to face you, “He isn’t just planning to attack Atlantis this time. He plans to start a war between the Atlanteans and Amazons that will wipe out most of the human race. He managed to hack our servers with the help of Black Manta and found the file for when Flash went to an alternate timeline where Amazons and Atlanteans were at war, destroying both themselves and us. The only way to stop this war from happening is to work together”

Nodding along, you continue to read the list of possible plans that the Justice League have written out, “Mmhmm. So looking at these, our little brother was planning to kill Queen Hippolyta and blame it on our people, causing your people -” You gesture across the table at Wonder Woman, “- to retaliate and kill Queen Mera, thus causing a huge war. And let me guess, he would ride in, or I guess swim in, with his little army and turn the tides of the war causing the Atlanteans to be victorious. All of our people would hail him a savior, Arthur would be booted off the throne, and Orm would once again rule all the oceans as Ocean Master, but this time he would have control of the land as well”

Flash nods along, quickly demolishing 6 more hotdogs as you talk, “Yeah, that’s pretty much what’s gonna happen if we don’t do anything! You’re really good at this”

Jason leans over the back of your chair, “So, sweetheart, you got any ideas on how to stop the end of the world from happening?” One side of his mouth curls up in a handsome smirk, “’Cause, if the world’s at war, then we can’t go on our date”

Arthur’s hand tightens on his trident, “Watch it, brat. I’ll skewer you and feed you to the Karathen”

“I don’t need you to defend my honor, fish-brains, I can take care of myself” You wink up at Jason before turning back to everyone else, “As for an attack strategy, Arthur and I will go down to Atlantis and convince the War Council to mobilize our forces. We’ll set up a perimeter in Themysciran waters, that way when Orm arrives we can meet him head on -”

“Only women are allowed on Themyscira, we do not allow men to freely roam our island” Wonder Woman’s eyes lock on Arthur, “Not even kings”

You nod, “That’s perfectly fine. If you want, only our female soldiers will get close to your islands’ borders, the men can be kept further away. Queen Mera and I will need to talk you’re your queen and general about the upcoming battle, I can show you the places to attack on Atlantean armor.”

“Very well. My mother will be much more … amiable to your plans if the men stay away” Wonder Woman extends her hand towards you, “I am Princess Diana of Themyscira, you may call me Diana. Once you have met with your people, I will be the one guiding you”

“It’s nice to meet you, sorry my little brothers a little - ” You swirl your finger by your temple, “- crazy”. You and Diana spend the next few minutes discussing the layout of Themyscira, the entire time you’re completely aware of Jason still leaning on the back of your chair having a hushed conversation with his brothers.

“Okay, now that everyone knows how beautiful the island is, are we ready to talk about weapons?”

Batman’s eyes flash up to his son, “Jason -”

“I’m serious! If we base Amazon fighting technique on Diana, then they predominantly use swords or something similar, shields, arrows, and hand-to-hand: mainly close range. But Atlanteans have the technology to fight at a distance, they have weapons that only need water to power them. Both Atlanteans and Amazons are equal in strength and speed, but if Orm manages to drive the fight to the water then it’ll be a massacre! Shit, he won’t even have to drive anyone to the water, plenty of Atlanteans are trained in magic and can bring the water to the fight!”

Everyone’s eyes are locked on Jason now, and you can’t help the slow smile that splits your face. Knowing that Jason, someone who’s physically attractive and who you’ve wanted to go on a date with for a long time, is smart enough to see flaws in a potential battle is ridiculously attractive. “Then tell me, Jay, how should we plan to overcome these flaws?”

Jason flushes pink, “I-I mean you guys are the battle experts, I don’t know everything -”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Littlewing! You’re the one who pointed out the flaws, you must have a way to fix them!” Nightwing gives his brother an encouraging pat on the shoulder, “Come on, tell us what you got”

“Okay. Well, Black Manta is human, right? So if he was able to figure out how to use Atlantean technology enough to build his own suit then we should be able to teach Diana’s people enough to shoot Atlantean guns. First we need to lay a trap though, get Orm and his fighters away from the water. They’ll be weaker, and easier to take down without easy access their main power source. Plus, only royals can breathe air, so if we can plan a stealth attack and expose the soldiers to air then they’ll be useless to Orm and his cause.” Arthur looks up at Jason in surprise, both at his knowledge of Atlantean physiology and of the possibility that his strategy could actually work.

“We’ll fine tune the plan once we know exactly how many soldiers and weapons we have available to us” You glance around the room, “Meet back here same time tomorrow with more information?”

Diana nods, “Yes, that should give me enough time to contact my mother” The Amazon stands without another word and leaves the meeting room.

“Thank you for meeting with us on such short notice, Y/N. I know you had other plans tonight” Batman stands as well, holding his hand out for a brief shake, before leaving with a swish of his cape.

The other heroes take Batman’s departure as a que and all stand to leave as well. Arthur grabs his trident from where is was leaning against the wall, “Alright, brat, looks like we’ll make it home in time to see Dad before bed”

“Wait, Y/N, before you go -” Jason scratches the back of his head lightly and clears his throat, out of the corner of your eye you can see Arthur walk over to talk to Superman, “- I know this wasn’t exactly the way our first in-person meeting was supposed to go, but you were amazing discussing battle strategies with Diana. And I was wondering if …”

“Will you go on a date with me?” You interrupt, the words coming unbidden from between your lips, “Like a real date, not one where there’s a bunch of other superheroes around and we’re trying to stop World War III. Not that you weren’t amazing -”

“Ugh, you guys are horrible at this” Red Robin just seems to appear at Jason’s elbow, “Hi, I’m Tim, Jason’s younger brother.”

“Replacement!”

“Don’t mind him, his time dead kind of stunted his emotional growth. He’d love to go on a date with you! Jason’s a total romantic at heart, so he’s the kind to pack a picnic and watch the sunset, you know? But if you aren’t into that I can schedule a dinner at the nicest restaurant in Gotham -”

“Drake, do you really think Todd would go to you for assistance if he needed to find a decent eatery? You survive off of granola bars and coffee. Besides, I have a much more refined palate, I will be assisting Todd in choosing his dates with the Atlantean” The smallest brother, the current Robin, sticks his nose up in the air with an amount of arrogance that you’ve only seen from people born and bred as royalty.

“Damian! We’ve talked about being mice to Tim! Why don’t we all help Littlewing with his date. I mean there are so many great places he can take her! There’s the pier, the aquarium -”

You snort, “Are those all water themed because I’m Atlantean?”

Jason groans, his hands raking through his hair, “Will you three go away? I don’t want to shoot you, but you’re starting to piss me off enough where I think that might be a good idea” The taller man turns back to you as his brothers make their way down the same hallways that Batman had gone down, “After meeting them I totally understand if you want to take back your offer for a date”

“Nah, they seem like fun” Jason raises an incredulous eyebrow, “To mess with that is, I mean that’s what siblings are for. And honestly Tim’s idea of a date was the one that sounded the best”

“The fancy dinner in Gotham?”

“No, no. I mean packing a picnic and watching the sunset. Picking out constellations, talking, getting to know each other more” You reach up and gently skim your fingertips across Jason’s strong jaw, “Maybe one on the beach, away from the city”

“When this whole war this is over, I’m taking you up on that, Y/N. You won’t be able to get rid of me” Jason pulls you into a brief hug before he starts backing toward the same hallway his brothers had gone down, “I’ll call you tomorrow morning when I get off patrol, alright?”

“Yeah, Jay. Talk to you in the morning”

The imminent future looks dark and full of bloodshed, but beyond that there’s hope. Hope for a future, hope to rebuild everything that will be lost, and hope for peace. Already you can feel your phone buzz with a mew message, and your brother nudges you playfully when you finally join him. There’s hope for the future, you just have to get to it.

———————————————————————————–

Let me know what you think! Send any ideas or requests you have to my Ask Box!

[uhhailey]

Things I’ve Heard High Schoolers Say

I graduated!!! So have the list of things I’ve overheard at school!

~

- "I stopped using anal beads... (muffled conversation)"

- "Why would you even kill a prostitute in the first place?"

- One bro to his bro friend "dude stop sucking dicks"

- "What did we do in math?" "Smoke weed."

- "He doesn't eat paper anymore it doesn't taste good."

- "You look like a lesbian." "What does a lesbian look like?" "You."

- "You look like an old math teacher."

- "Have you ever sent noodles?"

- "Thanks mom."

- "Do you like tacos or hotdogs?"

- "Do you think i'd memorize it if I ate the paper?"

- "What's up my dick-sucking whore?" *sucking noise*

- "Forgive me heavenly father, for I have sinned." "Why?" "I wrote 1,555 words of smut last night." "Oh."

- "He eats his poop!"

- "Fidget and chill"

- "Oh I thought that was a duck but it was really a rock."

- "You can always shower but you can't shower when you're dead."

- "I thought it was a chicken but it was just a fire hydrant."

- "Don't touch me I don't want your diseases."

- "Is that arm dead? No it's alive."

- "Just want to make sure, tacos and burritos are already in Spanish right?"

- "People are like sandwiches." “Elaborate?” “No.”

- "All I drink is nuts."

- *in Snape's voice* "Comó te llamas, Potter?"

- "I don't trust anyone who kicks bread."

- "Remind me to kill myself in ten minutes."

- "Wait, are Italian people white?!" "Yes." "Oh."

- "Don't call me bro I'm not your brother."

- "I love the Nintendo Gods™"

- "You look so good - eat my ass"

- Listening to the "Be More Chill" soundtrack: "I hate country music"

- "You're gonna become a professional guitar? Let me know how that goes."

- "It looks like Saturday today!"

- "Hey there, malignant tumor."

- *the bell is ringing* “Is the bell ringing?”

- *gives a penny i found to my friend” “Thanks, now I can finally buy my yacht.”

- “You guys know how to make cake? I once boiled an egg and it exploded.”

- “What does the V stand for” “Vasectomy.”

- “The clitoris is not located on the leg.”

- “What’s up bro?” “Not my grades”

- “He has a butt. I ate the butt.”

- “I went to an ocean once.”

- “Can I borrow your eyes for a second?”

- “Mine hasn’t eaten a cat yet.”

- “I will slap you with a taco.”

- “It’s report card night today!” “Who is Japartard?”

- “So I was eating mini oreos in the bathtub...”

- “I finally figured out how to do that Poptropica mission thing.”

- “Do blind people use echolocation?”

- “THANOS DEMANDS YOUR FUCKING SILENCE!”

- “Thanos can suck my ass.”

- “King-Fucking-Julien making an appearance on Instagram! Ugh, daddy.”

- “In the Bee Movie, did the lady fall in love with the bee?” “Yeah, that’s the whole premise of the movie.”

- “What if there was an inverse sandwich? Like... the bread is on the inside and the ham is on the outside?”

- “Elon Musk is my dad.”

- “Is anyone Catholic in here?” “No I’m Chinese.”

- “There’s a baby over there!” (multiple gasps of excitement) “With the lady pushing the baby cart!”

- “Whale sharks are thicc.”

- “The luxurious key of B flat”

- “This is my son, Stove.”

- “My blueberry ran away.”

- “People in the LGBT community we’re generally associated with Communists.” “Well, guess I’m a Communist.”

- “Spoons are just bowls on sticks.” “Holy shit.”

- “Abe Lincoln or Babe Lincoln?”

- “Tomorrow is Meme Day so if you don’t dress up you’ll fail all your classes.”

- “If you made a documentary about dogs would you call it a dogumentary?”

- “I smell bullshit.” “I smell ass.”

- “How do you break an avocado??”

- “Look at this nice twig.” “That’s a nice-ass twig.”

- A magician pulled out 3 cups. My friend immediately said: “Shots!”

- “Never have I ever bullied someone.” “Does myself count?”

- “We were dissecting cats and the teacher literally started playing that ASPCA commercial.”

- *Puts a pillbug upright* “That’s my act of kindness for the day I’m done”

- “No shut up I’m not going vegan for you”

- “It’s gonna let all liquidy bro!”

- “Vegans say nuts have protein to make themselves feel good.”

- “Do you remember the vine where the guy throws the tater tot at the guy’s butthole?”

- “One of my tastebuds is falling off.”

- “My blood pressure could not be any higher.”

- “Who the fuck takes a bite out of an onion?”

- “Be a detective so you can win the detective competition.”

- “Why does this store sell so many weapons?” “These are Harry Potter wands.”

- “I dropped my wallet on the floor of the Disney store and it was covered in glitter when I picked it up.”

- “They’re in between middle-aged and old.”

- “You see the sign that says yeet? Yeah, right above that”

- “Danger! Danger! Nick Jonas!”

- *while driving* “This guy is so close to me right now and if I suddenly stop he’s going right up my butt and I don’t think we’ve reached that level of a relationship yet.”

- “Is Caillou asian?”

- “That bird is Jesus.”

- “I peed on his neck.”

- “Boba Fett is gay, there is canonical proof.”

- “Dua Loopa ‘round this dick”

- “Horses have the fattest quads”

- “What’s America’s penis?”

- “You should have a superpower where you can place trash cans wherever you want. You’d be called White Trash!!”

- “Jesus, that car just farted!!”

- “What’s the purpose of eyebrows?”

- “What are you good at?” “Breathing. Wait, just kidding, I have asthma”

- “I will strip for you”

- “Oh, so you’re from one of those square states, huh?”

- “This weather makes me want to kill myself” “All weather makes me want to kill myself”

- “Ants can’t get to the second floor! Ants don’t know how to use stairs!”

- “Yo bro you have ADHD?” “Yeah bro join the club” “Where can I sign up?” “It’s not an actual club dumbass.”

A bunch of 5th graders are outside the window:

- “[Teacher’s Name] you’ll scare them. Show them a math problem” “They look so happy and full of life. I wonder what that’s like.”

- “Do you follow wherever your dick goes?” “It’s not a compass!!!”

- “California is not furry central!!”

- “I’m afraid of those.” “Whisks?” “No, tongue rings.”

- “Hail is just mean snow.”

- “I think it’s Mardi Gras.” “I’ve never heard of that. Is it a white holiday?”

- “This school is on AIDS.” “I don’t think you can be on AIDS.”

- “Do they have any animals in Europe?”

- “Do any of you want to donate blood?” “I don’t want anybody to have my blood. I worked hard for it!”

- *angrily* “You’ve played patty cake every day for the last week for 20 minutes!!”

- “Big boobs aren’t the only thing that is good, all things are good.”

- “You got herps?”

- “I’m so done with high school.” “Why?” “Some guy right in front of me just threw up!!”

- “They’re taking my teeth!!!!”

- “Oh, it’s egg!”

- *guy opens a tampon* “It’s a popsicle!!!”

- “I’m so good at this game. No matter how hard I try I can never fai- oop never mind I failed.”

- “Okay so, Yee.”

- “I need to put a sticker on my camera for, like, hackers, but I’m lonely”

- *at a trampoline* “Wait omg!! I’m going to lay face down and you can jump so I can fly into the air!!!” “Yeah!!! That’ll be fun!!!” .. “shit my nose is bleeding”

- “I’m going to try to avoid contracting tapeworm in the Denny’s parking lot”

- “Does size matter in hand modeling?”

[capbucky-0506]

All Hail the Queen (FPxReader)

FP Jones was in jail. You didn't want him to be. He was like your mentor, helped to shape you to be the Serpent you were today. But, he was framed for the murder of Jason Blossom. Even when the true murderer was discovered, FP was still behind bars. He was protecting you all, especially you.

You stood near his cell, holding onto the bars. "What did the cops say?"

He sighed. "Nothing good. They still want me to name names."

"You can name MY name. Let me get arrested and you can go free! I'm seventeen. They won't give me a huge sentence."

"I'm leaving you out of this, Y/N. Your old man made me promise to keep you safe and that's what I'm gonna do. I'll take the heat."

Your dad got sick and died when you were 15. Him and FP were best friends, and he was the original leader of the Serpents before his passing. Your mom left a while back, so you were currently under the care of FP. Your dad made him leader of the gang and told him to keep you safe no matter what. In your opinion, it was kind of hard to stay safe when you're one of the youngest Serpents.

You groaned and ran a hand through your pink hair. "Then what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm not just gonna sit around and do nothing!"

"Take care of my boy. You're close to his age. You watch out for him. Promise?"

You nodded. "Of course."

"One more thing. You're in charge now."

You gasped. "In charge? FP, you were a king to them, and I'm only seventeen years old. The Serpents aren't gonna listen to me."

"Then be a queen."

He reached for your hand. "You got this, Y/N. Take charge."

You nodded one last time and walked out of the prison, climbing onto your motorcycle. You quickly took off and headed straight to the Whyte Wyrm.

Silence ensued as you stepped into the bar. One of the guys cleared his throat. "What'd FP say?"

You stood up straighter. "He said to take care of his boy, and that I'm in charge."

Everyone in the bar laughed. And one Serpent walked up to you slowly. "There's no way in hell I'm gonna let a child tell me what to do. Sorry, Princess."

As he jokingly bowed in front of you, you took the opportunity to kick him in the groin, and knock him out with a single punch. The Serpents all looked at you with shock.

"Anyone else?"

They all stood frozen, not wanting to approach you.

"Good. Let this be a lesson, boys. I'm NOT a princess. I'm the queen around here, and anyone who thinks otherwise can gladly approach me about it."

One Serpent cleared his throat. "All hail the queen."

"ALL HAIL THE QUEEN!"

You smirked. "We need another Serpent Jacket. FP said to watch out for his son, and that's exactly what we're gonna do."

An older Serpent tossed you a leather jacket. "He could've named names."

"But he didn't."

"So his son is one of us now."

You nodded. "Let's ride, boys."

You all climbed onto your motorcycles and rode all the way to FP's trailer. As you walk up the steps to the door, jacket in hand, you could faintly hear moaning coming from inside.

You stifled a laugh. "I guess Juggie and that Cooper girl aren't so innocent after all."

You knocked loudly on the door, interrupting the two bunnies going at it. After a few moments, the door opens to reveal a slightly disheveled Jughead.

Hotdog, the Serpents' dog, barked loudly at his appearance. The Serpent holding onto him pulled him back. "Easy, Hotdog! He's family!"

"Y/N? What are you all doing here?"

You cocked your head. "Your dad could've named names, but he didn't. Serpents protect their own."

You toss him the jacket. "It's yours if you want it, Juggie. FP put me in charge of the Serpents, so I'm making sure you're taken care of. We got your back, Jones."

Jughead took a moment to examine the jacket carefully, then smiled. It was as if it was happening in slow motion when he finally put it on.

You smirked. "Looking good,

Jones."

You heard a voice coming from inside the trailer. "Juggie?"

You peered inside to see Betty Cooper wearing an oversized shirt, a worried look on her face. "If you want a jacket of your own, Cooper, all you gotta do is ask."

The Serpents all laughed at this, and you laughed with them. "I'm Queen Serpent now, Missy. I make the rules. And now that you're attending Southside High, Juggie, you can meet my co-Queen."

He looked at you quizzically. "Co-Queen?"

"Why, my girlfriend, of course."

Betty stepped closer. "Girlfriend? Who?"

You smiled widely. "You'll know her soon. Her name is Toni Topaz."

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “The Dark Tower”

Oh boy.

So here’s my question:  why did they get Akiva freaking Goldsman to do the screenplay for this movie?  I think the only good movies that he did were “A Beautiful Mind” and “I, Robot”

Well there is absolutely nothing wrong with this situation at all...

What the...

WHAT

Matthew McConaughey!

What is going on?

The hell is going on?

I should take a shot every time there’s a Stephen King-ism but I don’t wanna die of liver failure

Wait, that was a 5.7 magnitude earthquake?

ESPN doesn’t cover earthquakes!  Their logo wasn’t even on the TV!  So boo to you, asshole stepdad.

Of course there’s freaking bullies

Wait, they’re [the school teachers] just gonna send Jake home after they just caught him beating up one of his bullies?  That’s not how school works.

Why does the psychiatrist have a framed picture of the Overlook hotel from “The Shining”?

1919?

*Jake takes down all his drawings*  OK, that’s a start...

OK, I like the cast of this movie.  This movie just needs to A) be a television series instead and B) get a better screenwriter

Well that was sudden

*The Man in Black catches Roland’s bullet right behind his head*  Oooohhh!

OK, so we have the most famous line in the entire story... AND IT’S FREAKING TOLD TO US!

Wait, so Jake’s parents didn’t look further into this clinic?  Are you serious?  Oh my God...

Dutch Hill, Brooklyn?

PARKOUR!

All hail the Crimson King?

What the...

Well go...

WHY DO YOU GOTTA TAKE OFF YOUR SHOE?

Are those tanks?  Or an AT-AT walker or something?

Keystone Earth?

“There are no gunslingers.  Not anymore.”  Then how long ago was that flashback with Roland’s dad dying?

Whoaaa....

Someone must have watched “Rise of the Guardians” while developing this movie and went “Y’know what?  I like the design for Pitch.  Let’s take that design for our bad guy.”  And here we are.

House demon?  So there’s a “house demon” that guards all the portals around the Earth and they eat those who take too long going through the damn portal?  I can roll with that...

The “shine”?  Isn’t that what they referred to Danny’s powers as in “The Shining?”

Oh my God there’s a sign that says “Pennywise”

Wait, the Man in Black’s real name is Walter?  What?

OK, so Walter is like a mix between Pitch Black from “RIse of the Guardians” and Kilgrave from “Jessica Jones.”  Scary combo.

Too bad we don’t get MORE OF IT

So what exactly does the Dark Tower do besides shoot crazy laser beams and cause earthquakes?

Whoa

How did Roland, a seasoned gunslinger, not hear Jake get up beforehand? 

“This isn’t real.”  Thank you...

Bro don’t...

“DARKNESS AND FIRE...”  Oh but of course.

Wait, isn’t that the Upside Down?

“That wasn’t anybody you [Jake] know.”  IT WAS MEEEEEE!!!

The hell is that?

Man, this lighting is way too dark.  I know it’s supposed to be night time but...

Wait what what?

WHAT?

Mothereffer’s even wearing an apron!  C’mon!

Wait, so Walter can even see the past too?

There’s a sign in Jake’s bedroom that says “Acid Jack.”

Naboo?

Not gonna deny, the scenery in this movie is great.  Where did they film this?

South Africa apparently.  That’s awesome.

I like that girl’s maroon jumpsuit

*Jake exchanges looks with one of the servant girls*  Ohhhhhh...

Wait, didn’t the Man in Black’s workers say earlier that using portals was illegal?  Wouldn’t Roland and Jake using the portal immediately attract them to the seer village?

Take a shot every time they remind us that Roland’s no longer a gunslinger

Whaaaaat??

Wait, King Arthur’s in this universe?  Seriously, what the crap is going on?

Shoot, you [Roland] dropped all ya bullets!

Wait, the guy who’s the head of the village looks like Davos from “Game of Thrones”...

How the holy hell did Roland shoot that thing from waaaaay far away?

Yeah yeah, I know, he doesn’t aim with his hand, that whole gunslinger creed thing, I know...

*Walter’s workers figure out that Roland and Jake used a portal to get away*  DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!?

I LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT THIS SEVEN BULLET POINTS AGO!

Is that a Geico commercial?

Chronic radiation sickness?  Is that from the constant portal jumping?

“Bring my guns.”  HOW DID THE HOSPITAL LET ROLAND EVEN CARRY THEM IN?!?!?

Ooh shit

Wait so that homeless guy from the beginning of the movie was originally one of the kids with the “shine?”

‘Dicky-boy?’

OH my God...

He [the Man in Black] even took the time to freaking draw a smiley face... son of a gun...

Whoo hoo you [Jake] shot a can!

Holy crap that’s a lot of bullets

OK they set up the fact that Roland and Walter have this history but we don’t see any more about it besides the fact that, in the present, they’re enemies.  We want some more background story, dang it!

“Get ready.  Tall, dark, and handsome [Roland] is about to crash the party.”  WHAT?!?!?

What’s with the portal?

HOW DID ROLAND GET THERE SO FAST?!?!!?

*Roland shoots down a couple of Walter’s followers*  So much for aiming with your heart...

They seriously need into go more detail about the meaning in the gunslinger creed

“You [Walter] killed my [Jake’s] mom!”  If her name was Martha, I swear to God...

Discount Sharlto Copley *ding*

“Here I [Walter] am.”  *sings*  HERE I AM/ ONCE AGAIN...

*Walter lifts debris in the air to block the bullets*  Ohhhhh that’s cool!

That’s some impressive telekinesis there, buddy

OK, does the “shine” grant Jake with really good memory because he only heard the whole gunslinger creed once

*Roland actually shoots Walter*  SHUT UP

They killed off the main villain just like that.  Laaaaammmee...

Well that whole ending was resolved really quicky.

“What is this?”  “It’s a hotdog.”  It’s recycled meat actually.

OK, I agree with probably the majority of the critics for this movie:  this would be way better as a TV show

There’s a theater there called the “Globe” Theater

That’s kind of a stupid end scene.  We don’t even see them [Roland and Jake] leave!

Where the hell was Jackie Earle Haley in this movie?!?!?  I sure as hell didn’t see him!