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ketsueki-writes · 3 years ago

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hey suki! i love your writing so much and with this haikyuu event i feel it's my time to shine!!! so excited!! for your event i'd like kuroo with the typical bully trope, but the one where only he can be your bully, no one else, preferably comfort thanks!

⥅ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀɪɢɢᴇʀ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: ʙᴜʟʟʏɪɴɢ, ᴘʜʏꜱɪᴄᴀʟ ʙᴜʟʟʏɪɴɢ, ᴘʜʏꜱɪᴄᴀʟ ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ, ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ʙᴜʟʟʏɪɴɢ, ᴘʀᴏᴘᴇʀᴛʏ ᴅᴇꜱᴛʀᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ, ʜᴀʀꜱʜ/ꜱᴛʀᴏɴɢ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ

⥅ ᴀɴ: ꜱᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ɪᴅᴇᴀꜱ ꜱᴡɪʀʟɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴏᴍɢ! ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴀɴᴏɴ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ! ɪ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇ ɪᴛ! ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴏʀᴋ

⥅ ʙᴜʟʟʏ!ᴋᴜʀᴏᴏ x ʙᴜʟʟɪᴇᴅ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

"What's up chump?" Your body tensed, knowing that voice from anywhere. How could you forget, it was only the most annoying person you'd met in college, who just so happened to be one of the most popular.

Tetsuro Kuroo.

He walked over, his grinning posse just following behind, snickering to themselves. You stopped in your tracks, hoping he'd just walk by, but of course, he didn't. "What's up four eyes, dream of me last night?" he asked, using that stupid nickname four eyes.

You pushed up your glasses as you looked up at him, his tall bulking frame was always a bit intimidating as you did. "Get lost Kuroo." you groaned, "Nobody was thinking about you."

"You sure? I'm pretty sure I could hear you moaning out my name next door," he said with a chuckle, his friends breaking out into laughter around him. Your face grew hot in embarrassment as you scolded him. "Stop lying."

Yeah, if things couldn't be worse, he was your next-door neighbor in the co-ed dorm you stayed in.

He picked at you a bit more, before turning off. "Call me when you start feeling lonely again, muffin," he said, turning his back as he moved to walk off. There goes the pet name- muffin. You couldn't exactly remember when it started, but it annoyed you so much. He seriously couldn't help himself and had to make fun of you all the time. You rolled your eyes, composing yourself, mind trying to block out the laughter at your expense.

Every day seemed to go like this. He'd find you somewhere. In the halls, at a food place, a store maybe. Every day without fail he had to bug you. It never grew past mere insults but it was still annoying, and if you ever tried to speak back, there were his friends, laughing at your attempts and jeering.

If he ever missed a day it'd be 2x worse the next time he saw you, coming back from breaks seemed to be the only time he'd chill. Slipping past a quick pet name and a smirk as he walked by himself.

He might've been barely tolerable, but he was popular, he had influence.

And people loved to take after his lead, something you found out in the worst way possible on your walk home.

You held the bag of food in your hands, the small backpack on your bag very light as it carried only your personal belongings.

"There's that little bitch!" an unfamiliar voice sounded from behind you. Your body jolted, looking around the area, the sidewalk only illuminated by the campus streetlights.

They were talking about you.

You began to pick up speed, trying to speedwalk as terror flooded your body. You wanted to turn, see how close they were but you didn't at the same time. You didn't want to face them and-

"Ahh!" you shouted, someone, pulling on your bag, sending your food and your body to the ground. You crashed into the sidewalk, body shaking in fear as you looked up. You recognized the faces, too of Kuroo's little sidemen stood over you with crooked, ugly grins.

"He always said how much of a little cutie she is, I think it's about time we see how long that cute lasts." one said, his hands balled into tight fists as the other grabbed the front of your shirt.

You screamed, your hands coming to his wrist as you tried to pull him off of you. You kicked your legs to no avail as something slammed into the side of your head.

The world grew black for a second as you groaned, trying to keep your now heavy eyes open as you heard their stupid laughter around you. Your head throbbed in pain and you felt your grip on one of them loosening.

But then he wasn't holding you anymore.

You heard some pleading like someone was trying to reason with someone. You rolled onto your side, trying to soothe the pain in your head as you heard shouts, grunts around you. You tried to piece together what was going on, where'd they go?

You felt something, someone looming over you and you knew one of them at least was back for you. You felt two strong hands reach up under you, and soon after you felt the warmth of someone's chest.

"Those fucking idiots."

That's a voice you knew. You tried to open your eyes, meeting a face that for some reason, you felt a bit less scared than whenever it was the two dudes from before.

"There you are," he said, his voice softer than you think you've ever heard it before. You realized he was carrying you, and it hurt to keep your eyes open under the lights around you. You closed your eyes, gripping his shirt as he seemed to hold you in his arms with ease.

"Please put me down I-"

"No," he responded, his voice stern. "You'd be too disoriented, just let me help you."

"But you-"

"I had nothing to do with the shit they did," he said, you opened your eyes for a second as you felt him begin to walk. You caught a glimpse of the guys, laid out on the sidewalk behind him as he walked off.

"Wait-" you felt a wash of confusion fill you.

"I wouldn't send anyone to hurt you. Nobody gets to treat you like shit," he said, walking towards the dorms.

"Except you?" you asked, closing your eyes again as you let your body relax into him.

"I don't treat you like shit muffin, I just like teasing you." he said with a slight chuckle in his voice, "Although, if you want me to stop you could've just asked." You slapped his chest and he burst out laughing, walking in the dorm building as a kind bystander held the door open for him. He moved to the elevator, taking it up to your floor.

"So you "teasing" me every day-"

"Listen we don't have to go into specifics, I don't want your head to hurt anymore than it already does," he said with a slight smile. "Very funny," you added, but you couldn't help but smile a bit yourself.

He set you down on his bed as he entered his dorm, going to his mini-fridge as he held a cold water bottle to your forehead. You relaxed onto his comfortable bedding as he sat on the edge, rubbing your thigh as he held the bottle.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, his hand moving from your thigh to your cheek. "I didn't mean for this to happen to you."

You sighed a bit, leaning against the warmth of his hand. "Your looney friends-"

"Ex friends. They can fuck off with the audacity to gang up on you like that. You can stay here tonight, sleep it off until late afternoon tomorrow-"

"I really can't just impede on you-"

"I'll sleep on the floor muffin. I just need you to be better," he said sweetly. His thumb gently wiped across your cheek in a soothing motion.

"To take care of me?" you asked in a slightly joking tone as he chuckled. "As long as you'll let me muffin," he said in a soft tone. "I won't let them hurt you, can I make it-"

"I don't mind staying then, and you don't have to sleep on the floor," you said, eyes closed with a smile.

Scary dog privileges, activated.

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tacticaldiary · 3 years ago

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Hello! Can I request an Oikawa fanfic (angst to fluff)? I was thinking of the reader is someone who overwhelms/overworks herself and Oikawa gets mad at her. Thank you 🤍

—————————————————————————

Overwhelmed

Pairing: Reader x Oikawa Tooru

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

He's there to help pick up the pieces, even if he's guily of the crime too.

Been a while since I've written for Haikyuu, but this request has been stewing in my ask box for a couple months and I finally got around to doing it

—————————————————————————

"Really?"

His voice startles her, and she jolts upright, pulled by from the lull of sleep. Blinking blearily, she turns around and squints against the light, the figure of her boyfriend slowly coming into focus.

"Tooru?" She says quietly, looking around in confusion. She's met with the sight of her desk, littered with papers and documents, her laptop open, several dozen tabs of articles and google searches looking back at her.

Oh. She fell asleep while working again.

She yawns and shakes her head, turning back again to him. "Sorry, I didn't know you had come home from practise."

That doesn't seem to put him at ease, in fact his frown deepens at her scratchy voice.

"Now, you should know not to work yourself this hard."

"That's a lot coming from you." She says back with a sigh, not really meaning it, but too tired to properly put a filter up. Oikawa blinks in surprise.

"I can handle it, unlike some people I know." He says, scanning the cluttered table, spotting multiple empty cups previously filled to the brim with coffee. "You look like you have a death wish."

"I don't. I just... I have a paper to finish, so if you could kindly leave me be-"

"Nope!" She barely turns to her desk when her laptop is shut and swiped off the table. She raises an eyebrow at him.

"Hey! Give it back." She goes to stand, but her legs give away and she's sent tumbling to the floor, her knee hitting the side of her chair painfully.

"Shit, this is exactly what I mean!" Oikawa exclaims, none of the usual playful teasing in his voice. It's laced with concern and frustration instead, an Y/N can't say she likes it.

He's been watching her slave away at her des for more than a week now. Every time he's leaving the house for practise, she's at her desk, and by the time he comes home, she's still there, like she never moved. Oikawa knows she probably didn't.

"You can barely keep yourself standing." He states. "That shouldn't happen unless I'm the one making you weak in the knees!"

She rolls her eyes, and send a glare his way, staying on the floor.

"I'm fine-"

"When was the last time you ate?" He raises and eyebrow, hand on his hip, tucking the laptop under his arm. "When was the last time you drank something? Coffee doesn't count." He adds when she opens her mouth to argue.

"I-..." her voice trails away and she's suddenly hit with a wave of exhaustion, as if his words reminded her body of what she needed. "I'm just..." Her face feels hot and frustrated tears prickle at the corner of her eyes. "I'm sorry." She says, her voice quiet, almost a whisper.

Oikawa's face softens and he places the laptop on the bed, kneeling beside her with a sigh. "Don't apologise." he says, brushing the back of his hand against her cheek. Her hand shoot up to grasp his wrist and keep him there. He's more than happy to comply, when she leans forward and buries her face into his chest.

"I'm not mad...at you" He say softly, running his hands through her hair as he body shakes, exhaustion finally catching up to her.

She nods "I-I know. I thought...I thought if I kept on going, if I kept on working then-then I would-"

He shushes her. "The reason doesn't matter. You're alright now. Someone clearly wasn't making sensible decisions." he smiles a little, poking her side and earning a small watery giggle.

"Hypocrite."

"You got it." He agrees. "I'm your hypocrite." His smile widens when she laughs again.

(20/06/2021)

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smileybokuto · 4 years ago

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Fool Of Myself | Chapter Three | rising tensions

Chapter: rising tension

wc: 853

warnings: just meh a chapter

a/n: I’m so sorry this is not very good. This chapter was really hard for me to write and I’m not really sure why.

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Arriving back after dinner was exhausting to say the least. Y/n excused herself and made her way to her room. Flopping down onto the covers sinking into her bed and snuggling into the pillow slowly drifting off to sleep. However right before she falls asleep a quick flash of Kageyama smiling appeared in her mind.

“This is not the time to be thinking about him.” Y/n groans and flips over placing her pillow on her head.

There were so many things Y/n missed about Kageyama. The terrible smile he always forced in pictures they took together. She laid awake wondering how he’s been? Her mind racing with questions she had, things she wanted answered. Y/n wanted to know all the things she missed out on. Did he find someone new? What was he like now? Did he miss her? Was he still in love with volleyball? Why? Why did he break up with me? Did it hurt him too? Did he even care? Did he miss me the way I missed him? Does he even care? Frustrated with her racing mind Y/n decided to get up and head to the kitchen for a late night snack to calm her mind.

Meanwhile Kageyama laid in bed frown staring at the wall facing Y/n’s room. Unconsciously he reaches out touching the wall wondering what they were doing in the room next door. “What am I doing?” he mumbles and turns over to face the window. Kageyama got out of bed groaning. Clearly irritated that he couldn’t go to sleep. He made his way to the door heading towards the kitchen as Y/n’s door swung open. Kageyama’s eyes opened wide as they met with Y/n’s. No one spoke a word they just stared at each other so close but still out of reach.

After a few moments Kageyama opened his mouth and quickly shut it. Y/n’s mind was racing with what to say. What to do, the silence was starting to get to her.

“Are you heading to the bathroom?” She squicked out.

“No. I just wanted a glass of milk.” Kageyama says while rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh. I was heading that way too.”

“Late night snack?”

“Yeah” A familiar air surrounded them as they started to move towards the kitchen. “So how’s it been? It was a little hectic before. We didn’t really get to talk.”

“It��s been good… Are you still doing that realistic art Expo?” Kageyama asked with a light blush spread across his cheeks.

“Huh?” Y/n unconsciously replies and Kageyama pauses realizing he shouldn’t have said that. Y/n glances over and sees the panic in his face as he starts to overheat. A small giggle escaped as a big smile spread across her face that seemed to light up Kageyama’s view the wider it grew. A warm smile formed and Kageyama joined in the laughter and a homely air surrounded the two. Y/n was startled by the question since she had recently started doing realistic art pictures at the gala. After the laughter had subsided Y/n chuckles a little while answering the question. “I only did that because Kiyoko said I should try a different art medium. I’m going to go back to my regular art style at the next gala.”

“Oh really? I thought it looked cool. I was shocked when I saw it at first. It didn’t feel like you which I thought was strange but it looked beautiful.”

“I didn’t think you would see it.” Y/n mumbles looking away from Kageyama.

“Huh? Of course I’d see it. My eyes alway followed you with anything you’d do.” Kageyama looks away while scratching at his chin with his index finger. Y/n’s face heated up and her heart started to pound hard. So hard she was scared Kageyama could hear it with how quiet the world seemed to be at that very moment. A red tint assaulted Kageyama's face as his pulse quickened and his eyes met Y/n’s. A small world formed around them as they stared into each other.

A loud creak came as Ushijima stepped out of his room. Kageyama and Y/n instinctively stepped away from each other and looked towards the source of the sound.

“Oh are you heading to the kitchen?” Ushijima mumbles rubbing his eyes.

“Yes.” Y/n nods as Ushijima walks closer.

After grabbing a snack from the kitchen the three went to their separate rooms. Before Y/n entered her room she glanced towards Kageyama meeting his eyes as he stared at her.

“Goodnight.” Y/n nods and Kageyama lightly nods heading into his room. Y/n flopped on her bed and sighed.

“What is wrong with me?” butterflies filled her stomach as she remembered the way Kageyama laughed with her. “His laugh is still as nice as I remember it.” A soft smile formed on Y/n’s face as she drifted off to sleep.

Taglist

@chocolaterumble @starryparkrr

#kageyama #hq kageyama #haikyuu kageyama #kageyama x reader #tobio kageyama #tobio #kageyama tobio #Haik #haikyuu!!#haikyu #haikyuu #haikyū!!#self insert #angst #mulitfic #story #fiction #ushijima #wakatoshi ushijima

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l-a-scarlett · 5 years ago

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☆Lacuna

° • ☆ 5 ☆ • °

° • ♡ 6 ♡ • °

° • ☆ 7 ☆ • °

#oikawatoruxreader #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa torū #oikawa fanart #oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru #haik #haikyuu #haikyuufanfiction #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu+angst #social media au #haikyuu social media

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teasingly-diverse · 4 years ago

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F U C K I N G

O W

Literally felt my heart clench. Physically. That was.... ughhh you own me with your writing 😭

good man.| tanaka ryuunosuke

Tanaka is a good man. He swears he is. It’s among one of the things he’s proud of, others being his loyalty, his strength, his body, and you, the love of his life.

But even good men do bad things.

Keep reading

#haik-choo #angst #Tanaka

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keiffeine · 4 years ago

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voltron boys and their toxic traits

ft. takashi shirogane, keith kogane, lance mcclain, prince lotor, & james griffin.

with gender-neutral reader.

warnings: toxic relationships, possessiveness, & manipulation.

inspired by haik-choo’s headcanons.

angst(?)

SHIRO is way too overprotective of you, to the point where he’s become almost possessive. it’s mostly due to the fact that you’ve also gotten yourself stranded in space with him (along with the paladins), and that he’s experienced the dangers of being in space firsthand. it’s caused him to build up this sort of “instinct” and feeling of constantly wanting to protect you, always looming over your shoulder and constantly wanting to have you at his side. at. all. times.

KEITH is much too insecure and lacks confidence even during your relationship. although he’s your boyfriend, you can’t seem to break down his walls to fully understand him and what he’s feeling. despite him practically knowing everything about you, you can’t really say the same for him. it almost feels like he can’t or doesn’t trust you. regardless of how physically close you are, keith’s so distant, like he’s miles away.

LANCE cannot take your relationship seriously. the first few stages are fun for him, because it’s thrilling and exhilarating for lance, but when you want to take your relationship into a more serious level, lance begins to chicken out and begins to put less and less into your relationship. getting with someone gives him this feeling of excitement, but he cannot settle with someone for a long time.

LOTOR can be very manipulative. he will persuade you into thinking a certain way to match his opinion, or into doing something even if you genuinely do not want to do it. being with him means that you can’t ever have your way. lotor will immediately dislike something if it’s not something he agrees with. there’s no convincing or compromising with him; he always wants to have his way.

JAMES always puts his work above you at all times and barely puts effort into making time for you. he’s a military officer, and what he does is very important to him, and you should understand that. so what if he has to leave mid-date to attend to his duties? so what if he works from early in the morning and doesn’t come back until late at night? why does he need to change for you? you knew what you were getting yourself into when you started dating him. if anything, you should be the one changing for him.

voltron masterlist

navigation

#voltron angst #voltron x reader #voltron x reader headcanons #voltron x reader scenarios #voltron headcanons #voltron scenarios #shiro x reader #takashi shirogane x reader #keith kogane x reader #keith x reader #lance mcclain x reader #lance x reader #prince lotor x reader #lotor x reader #james griffin x reader scenarios #james griffin x reader headcanons #james griffin headcanons #james griffin x reader

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amidalogicdive · 2 years ago

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Bound

Now that names are reveled, I can post my Pingxie Exchange fics I wrote!

Rating: Mature Fandoms: 盗墓笔记 | The Lost Tomb (TV 2015), 盗墓笔记 - 南派三叔 | The Grave Robbers' Chronicles - Xu Lei Relationship: Wu Xie/Zhang Qiling Characters: Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Zhang Qiling, Zhang Haike, Zhang Hailou, Zhang Haixia, Zhang Rishan, Wu Lao Gou, Wu Xie's Grandmother (DMBJ Series), Wu Erbai, Wu Sanxing, Wang Pangzi Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, fairytale AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Arranged Marriage (Of Sorts), Characters Kept Ignorant, Control Through Ignorance, Mutual Pining, Whump, Feelings Realization, Deliberate Misinformation, Emotional Manipulation, Wu Xie Being Clever, Protective Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Wu Xie Being Badass, Xiaoge Needing Protection, Xiaoge Learning To Trust, Temporary Character Death, Deities, Fairy Tale Curses, Beauty and the Beast Elements, With A Twist, Fucking Wangs, Blood, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Injury, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Violence, Death

Collections:Pingxie Exchange 2022

Bound

By LogicDive

Summary: This should be a story about me and him. When did it begin? How did it end? Should he tell it about me, or me about him? (Time Raiders)

A great war. A promise. A curse that would take hold of one family for thousands of years. An unseen Patriarch that rules over the Zhang and Mystic Nine.

A duty that Wu Xie had no choice but to accept.

This is now his life, a life Wu Xie could not change. However, as the truth begins unfolding, showing the continued war, lies, and betrayal just below the surface… Can Wu Xie change the fate of one, and in doing so, change the lives of many?

Chapter 1: Trials

A long time ago…

It was a story that Wu Xie knew well. It had been written out in his grandfather’s journal and read to him more times than he could count. The story spoke of the rise of the nine great families and the fall of those who had stood against them.

It told of the Zhang and their communion with the Divine Powers that granted them their longevity. A gift that was a double-edged sword, a prolonged life granted under the conditions that the Zhang lived to serve. To protect. To guard.

A duty Wu Xie could understand, as the heir to his family.

A long time ago…

The words echoed in his head still, because a long time ago was when his story started. Even though he wouldn’t be born for thousands of years, the moment that marked the beginning had sealed his fate and his future. It had caused the betrayal he now had to live with day in and day out. That had driven him to break contact with his family, no longer interested in their excuses.

A long time ago…

The world was new, and mortals were still learning their place among the world that had become their home. Seeing their struggles, the Divine descended from the heavens, wishing to lessen the burdens of those struggling below. Which they achieved. For a time, the mortals thrived under the assistance and grace of the Divine. But one family wished for the grace and power of the Divine to be theirs and theirs alone.

This family was called the Wang.

They betrayed the trust of the Divine and the surrounding mortals. They planned to seize the powers of the Divine for their own selfish purpose. To become gods among men, and control the known world as the Divine did. The issue was they were not like the gods who’d descended from the heavens. There was no grace in their hearts, or care for those who existed outside the Wang Clan, and never would be.

So the world fell into chaos as the Wang Clan conspired against their fellow man to fulfill their own selfish desire.

Their plan might have succeeded, had it not been for several of the great families. They had flourished due to the Divine’s grace and kindness, so the disruption of their normal routine was seen as an unwanted rebellion. In their eyes, the Wang had come to represent pure evil that had come to destroy the Divine and the world that had been created for all mankind. There was nothing to be done but to stop the clan. Not only to stop them, but to destroy them completely.

War broke out, as eight of the great families fought against the clan that would cause their downfall and that of all humankind. They fought to protect their way of life, fought to protect the Divine and the power they held. For a time, they were able to hold back the Wang Clan. It seemed their victory was at hand, but it was short-lived as other families turned their backs to the Divine. They were weak-willed. Cowards who refused to stand for what was right, in hopes of the Wang Clan sharing the Divine’s power with them as well.

Unfortunately, the eight great families knew better. The Wang Clan was selfish and only cared for its own. The families that had turned their backs on the divine were simply means to an end. Ones who would help them rise in the world, only to be cast aside at the moment of triumph.

CONTINUE TO READ HERE

#pingxie #pingxie exchange 2022 #pingxie exchange #wu xie #xiaoge #zhang qiling #zhang haike #zhang hailou #zhang haiyan #zhang haixia #zhang rishan #dmbj #dmbj fic #daomu biji #daomu biji fic #daomubiji

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admiringlove · 4 years ago

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the one that ruined it all.

+synopsis: hq boys and the one that ruined it all(part one, many more incoming).

+genre: angst. pure angst.

+characters: akaashi keiji, miya atsumu, kuroo tetsurō, sugawara kōshi.

+warnings: sadness.

+author’s notes: should i do do a series? asdjksj

AKAASHI KEIJI didn’t understand why he had to assure you he loved you. he knows he hasn’t said it, but why couldn’t you understand his affirmations? he did love you, didn’t he? that’s why he always linked your arm with his, or leant you a sweater, or recommended you his favorite read of the month. so why couldn’t you see that he really was in love with you? why couldn’t you see that akaashi loved you, even if he has never actually told you he loves you? why didn’t you understand the looks he gave you sometimes? was he hard to understand or were you not used to his way of loving? he was clearly showing you signs on what he wanted you to do or understand, he was looking at you endearingly—maybe he wasn’t, but he had to have looked at you like that at least once... right?

MIYA ATSUMU was always putting something before you. he knows it’s wrong—helping someone else shouldn’t be more important than coming home to you. why doesn’t he stop himself? he’s tried to fix it a lot, even if you hadn’t noticed. but between practice and his friends, there was no room for you. he was simply too busy. the room was way too crowded and you were always isolated outside, with tears running down your cheeks and hiccups escaping your lips. why didn’t atsumu fix it? why did he turn a blind eye to all those times he saw you distancing yourself from him? why did he pretend that he didn’t hear you cry yourself to sleep? why did he feel a huge burden being lifted off his shoulders when one day he came home to find everything of yours gone—including you?

KUROO TETSURŌ didn’t know how to take responsibility for his own feelings. rather, his emotions would usually be projected onto you. if he was feeling down, he would find some way to make you feel upset as well. if he was angry, he’d come up with a way to start an argument. if you try to point it out, he would get vehemently defensive. why were you saying that to him? couldn’t you see he loved you? couldn’t you understand that all he wanted was for you to be his other half? he didn’t want to take the huge responsibility of being in a relationship—it terrified him. so he told you to leave. but you knew he didn’t mean it, then why did you never come back? why didn’t you spare him a text? why didn’t you call him back even after he left you so many voice messages?

SUGAWARA KŌSHI was obsessed with the idea of being in love, rather than actually falling in love with you. you never understood why he went out of his way for planning dates, or taking you to a really fancy restaurant when all you wanted was to be in the comfort of your own home with him. he realizes nothing can be as “perfect” as he wants it, but he can at least try to show others how impeccable his relationship was. he wanted people to say, “i wish i had a relationship like theirs”. he tried to impress you everyday(maybe bringing you flowers or a coffee), making anyone’s(who looked at the two of you) blood boil. he avoided every argument that usually kept popping up with this scheme as if it was a whack-a-mole game. maybe that’s why everything came crippling down one day when you said you had enough. maybe it was too straining for you—but that’s on you, right? you were the one that couldn’t be in a perfect relationship, then maybe it was you who was flawed.

inspiration from @haik-choo for sugawara & a just a tad for akaashi.

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thosch3i · 3 years ago

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*cracks knuckles* procrastinating on my Pingxie exchange fic so it's Xiaoge Angst Hours (if you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen this already)

Anyway. I'd just like to know why Xiaoge has apparently canonically lived most of his life being manipulated, exploited, captured, and abused by people who don’t see him as human, but only a convenient scapegoat/tool/weapon...but we only find this out via throwaway lines and short scenes that are never explored in detail?

Like, what exactly happened when Xiaoge lost his memories and was imprisoned in the Golmud Sanatorium? How exactly did those tomb robbers treat A-Kun before Chen Pi Ah Si took him? He was literally kidnapped and used as zombie bait, kept naked in a basket, and he never once fought back--he just let them use him like that? (And what was Xiaoge’s life in Banai like after Chen Pi Ah Si stepped in? The house they all explored was completely bare, with hardly anything in it except the basic necessities for just getting by...it clearly wasn’t a home; Xiaoge hadn’t ever had a home.) On that note, what happened every other time Xiaoge lost his memories? We only really know about A-Kun in the most detail, if you could call it “detailed”. But before that, there was at least the incident that ended with him imprisoned in Golmud. And after that, all we know is the Xisha Undersea Tomb, after which there’s...a blank, until Three Days of Silence. What kind of life must he lead, cursed to lose his memories, spend years searching for them again, only to ultimately forget once again? (It’s no wonder why he feels he has “no past and no future”, why he’s never felt a “connection to this world”.)

What did the Zhang Family do to their children, in general, if they think throwing literal children and pre-teens into the wild and forcing them to rob tombs as a test of their abilities is just perfectly fine? What did they do Xiaoge, specifically, to make a kid with a mom who loved him so much grow up so quiet and aloof and isolated, that even the other Zhang Haike and other Zhang kids who saw him would notice, that the lama in Medog would say to him that his mother’s first and last gift to him was “the heart that those people had hidden away”? What exactly did the fucking Zhang family do to the baby they stole from his mother, and how could they possibly defend forcing that baby to become a scapegoat, a figurehead, a “god” in the eyes of their cult family, then throwing him away the instant he became less useful, letting his adoptive father and others readily use him as a walking bag of blood in ancient tombs?

What exactly led to them dumping the title of “Zhang Qiling” on the kid they stole from a loving mother, exploited as a convenient puppet, and then threw away?

What kind of bitter “training” was needed to get his fingers like that, what kind of bitter abuse “training” leaves someone so accustomed the harshness of the world, that he won’t bat an eyelash at the the worst of human cruelty, that he’ll turn to literally cutting himself open without hesitation because it’s just that efficient for him to treat himself like a tool...but seeing something genuinely, unequivocally beautiful will break through all his defenses and leave him at a complete loss?

But most importantly, what kind of genuinely good, selfless heart must he have uncovered in Three Days of Silence, for him to not have a single drop of a desire for revenge in his body, for him to still willingly enter the Bronze Gate for Wu Xie as he did despite the Mystic 9 breaking their promises (for him to have been willing to do so for the rest of his life he’d needed to), for him to always save those who want to and can be saved.

NPSS apparently said in a Q&A once, responding to someone asking about the most kindhearted character in DMBJ, that of course it was Xiaoge--“until now, he’s only hurt himself, not others.”

#dmbj #zhang qiling #daomu biji #盗墓笔记 #张起灵 #ultimate note #终极笔记 #kinda #shouting into the void #whys his life a fckn tragedy and why do we only know so little....id like to know more thank you

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lucientelrunya · 3 years ago

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Like a lonely house pt 6

So, they continue being stupid... Yeah, that's it. Not much happening here.

@nope4ever I'm weak for clothes-sharing :) I'll have to come up with a reason why Rishan needs to wear a changshan, because I just love that look <3 Your comments always make my day/week, thank you so much :) @gaiahenshin Thank you, it's already much better :) Not that that could keep me away from those two for long... @psychic-waffles Thank you :D @kholran Thank you, I'm already much better :) And Rishan is absolutely gonna angst a lot more, especially at the end of this whole thing, hehe.

~*~

The moment lasts until Ba Ye opens his mouth, inhaling like he wants to say something. But then he seems to reconsider, closing his mouth again and swallowing visibly. He looks down at the sweater in his lap and strokes the soft wool with one hand. Zhang Rishan wonders what he wanted to say and why he chose not to. But since Ba Ye decided not to say anything he doesn’t ask.

“I should get dressed, shouldn’t I?” Ba Ye asks without looking up again. “If you want breakfast, then you should get dressed, yes. Do you want me to pack up your changshan?” Zhang Rishan asks and gets up again when Ba Ye hums in a mixture of affirmation and thoughtfulness. Carefully he rolls up the silk fabric and packs it away in his bag while Ba Ye gets dressed. Combined with the dark trousers he normally wears beneath the changshan, it makes him look surprisingly normal. Even the white undershirt peeking out doesn’t look out of place.

“This is surprisingly comfortable," Ba Ye remarks, tugging the turtleneck almost up to his chin while a small smile appears on his lips. “Okay. I’m ready. Let’s go eat!” Zhang Rishan is just glad that Ba Ye seems to be in a good mood again and that whatever had made him so unhappy has passed. At least for now. He nods, all of his things are already packed and since Ba Ye doesn’t have anything (yet), there is no need for him to pack and they can go eat with the others.

Breakfast is not as loud and boisterous as the dinner the evening before, possibly due to a lack of alcohol. But it's still nice. There are delicious steamed buns and noodle soup and really good tea. None of them seem in a hurry to leave, enjoying the easy chatter and company a bit longer than strictly necessary. Wu Xie is indeed very happy to hear the news from Zhang Haike and makes him promise to celebrate that another time, either in Hangzhou or Beijing. Liu Sang on the other hand is not very happy to learn this way that the karaoke machine is indeed Wu Xie’s.

“Please, take me with you, you just need to get me as far as the nearest train station," he pleads at one point and Zhang Rishan can’t tell if he is actually serious or just joking. Because he does sound really serious about it. Pangzi throws an arm around Liu Sang’s shoulders, patting him and grins at Zhang Rishan. “Ah, don’t listen to him! Jinx, Kan Jian is waiting for you, can you do that to him, huh?” Liu Sang glowers at Pangzi, plucking the hand off his shoulder, but he seems to think that he can’t just leave Kan Jian hanging. “Fine, fine," he mutters, but still looks quite unhappy, sitting rigidly next to Pangzi.

“Why do you dislike karaoke that much? I thought it sounded quite nice?” Ba Ye asks the still sulky Liu Sang, who frowns at him for a moment. “I have very sensitive hearing," he replies rather curtly and glowers at Pangzi again when he snickers and adds, “You see, he just doesn't know what’s good.” He winks dramatically at Liu Sang, who splutters indignantly but actually seems to be trying to fight against a smile that twitches at the edges of his lips. Zhang Rishan watches their banter with quiet amusement.

“Ah! Just like the hearing maids of Xinyue Hotel! Is that why you always wear those strange earplugs?” Ba Ye asks, gesturing with his half eaten bun in the general direction of Liu Sang’s face. “Yes, those are noise cancelling earplugs, they help a lot to tone all the noise down.” Liu Sang nods to Ba Ye’s earnestly interested question and even explains how they work when Ba Ye looks a little confused.

“So, they already had people with exceptional hearing at the hotel back then?” Pangzi asks, to which Ba Ye nods enthusiastically and ends up recounting how much trouble those hearing servants had been when they had tried to steal the cure for Yatou.

Zhang Rishan knows most of what happened then, but he had never heard the full story told like this so he listens, too. It has been so long since he last heard someone tell a story about something Fo Ye had done who had actually been present at that time. Surprisingly it doesn’t make him sad, just a bit nostalgic. Because those are fond memories of Fo Ye, willing to sell everything he owned just to help Er Ye and his wife, only to come back from Beijing with a fiancee of his own.

“And in the end Er Ye had the cure for Yatou, Fo Ye had Miss Yin and poor old me didn’t even have a place in the car!” But Ba Ye doesn’t seem too broken up about that fact anymore, because he laughs with the others. “Huo Xiangu said nothing about all this, she made it sound like he lit the sky lantern just to get Yin Xinyue!” Wu Xie exclaims, positively delighted. Zhang Rishan can only share an amused look with Ba Ye who is outright laughing at that. Even if they married in the end and were really happy, Fo Ye had no idea he would end up bringing Yin Xinyue back to Changsha. And in the beginning he had tried to get rid of her quite a few times. That had been a really awkward time for everyone involved.

“So did everyone who ever lit a sky lantern end up destroying your hotel or was it just us?” Wu Xie grins at Zhang Rishan mischievously, while Ba Ye gapes at his words. “Eh? What do you mean his hotel?" he exclaims, almost throwing his half eaten bun at Zhang Rishan in astonishment. “It’s not my hotel, it’s Yin Nanfeng’s. I’m just one of the managers,” Zhang Rishan corrects Wu Xie, who just keeps grinning. “But you are technically her boss, aren’t you?” Pangzi asks with a confused expression, obviously thinking of their meeting about the recorder.

“Not really, no. We are co-managers, no one is the other’s boss.” He shakes his head. She had tried going against him in the past and had wanted to get rid of him for quite some time, but he understands why she did it. She just wanted to protect Xinyue (which is basically her baby) and honor the wishes of her ancestors. They had made peace with each other after Gutong Jing, especially since she had become friends with Liang Wan.

“So you can’t lift that ban she put on us?” Pangzi asks casually, like he doesn’t know and like they had ever shown an interest in that before. “No. She is the one who banned you, so she is the only one who can lift that ban. Her hotel, her rules.” Out of the corner of his eye Zhang Rishan can see Luo Que smiling to himself, probably glad that both of his bosses get along so well now. Pangzi on the other hand doesn’t seem too sad about the ban. Instead he seems to wait for Ba Ye’s “Ban? Why were you banned?” so he can start recounting how Wu Xie accidentally lit a sky lantern and then ran away with the auctioned good.

While Pangzi describes in vivid detail how they fought off Huo Xiangu’s bodyguards and the servants, Zhang Rishan finds Wu Xie watching him thoughtfully. “Come to think of it, you were already the manager back then, weren’t you. You could have stopped us. Why didn’t you?” he asks thoughtfully after Pangzi finishes his story with a big grin. Zhang Rishan raises both eyebrows. “Why? Did you want me to?" he asks, a little ironic smile on his lips. “No!” Wu Xie protests instantly, eyes wide, but a smile is already spreading on his lips again.

“I’m sure President Zhang just wanted the seal to be in good hands," Pangzi adds in a pointedly serious tone, elbowing Wu Xie lightly to make him drop the subject. And Wu Xie does, patting Pangzi’s elbow affectionately. Zhang Rishan wonders for a moment if he suspects the Wang clan had already been watching back then and had their eyes on the seal. Either way, he is glad that they decide not to question his lack of involvement further, because he doesn’t really want to explain himself or think too much of that time. Looking up again he finds Ba Ye watching him with slightly narrowed eyes.

“It feels like you don’t have a lot of different stories but one very long one," he says, looking from Zhang Rishan to Wu Xie. “Um… yeah, I guess you could put it that way," Wu Xie answers, blinking. “We’ll come visit you in Beijing and then we can tell all the stories that need to be told.” Ba Ye seems to be okay with that promise and Zhang Rishan doesn’t mind another visit.

But then Wu Xie seems to think of something else and suggests they book the same hotels on their way home, because the way to Yucun is in large parts the same as to Beijing. “And you’ll have to take the car, right?” He seems genuinely disappointed when Ba Ye tells him they are going to Changsha before they will return to Beijing.

This bit of information seems to upset Luo Que, especially when he hears that Ba Ye can’t drive a car (and even if he learned it back then Zhang Rishan wouldn’t let him drive now). He suddenly seems reluctant to leave, too, and even offers to postpone his vacation and visit another time so he can drive them (or at least share the load of driving hours), obviously not trusting in Zhang Rishan’s ability to drive himself across the country. Zhang Rishan is not sure if he should be offended or moved by his concern. The normally so stoic and quiet Luo Que showing his worry like this is not something that happens everyday and Zhang Rishan appreciates his loyalty very much. Maybe he does lean more towards being moved. Even if Pangzi and Wu Xie laugh at the whole thing.

“Your boss told you to have a nice vacation. And Kan Jian prepared some jokes just for you, there is no getting out of that," Wu Xie says and for a moment Luo Que looks like he would consider that another reason to not go. But then he just nods with a hint of a smile on his lips.

They pack some of the leftover buns for later and get their bags to leave the little inn. Wu Xie pulls Ba Ye away to give him something while Pangzi comes over to Zhang Rishan to say his goodbyes. "So, is he like your Wu Xie?" Pangzi grins at him, patting his shoulder companionably. Zhang Rishan can only lift a questioning brow at that. "Oh, you know, the idiot you have to look after so he doesn’t touch anything he is not supposed to touch in a tomb?”

Judging by his tone, ‘idiot’ is absolutely meant as an endearment, but Zhang Rishan still frowns. Ba Ye is certainly not an idiot, but neither is Wu Xie. And he doesn’t really like being compared to Zhang Qiling (or maybe to Pangzi himself, who knows). It reminds him too much of how often he still feels like he just barely fills the hole Fo Ye left behind, especially in the eyes of other people. But even if Yin Xinyue herself had once said that he was like Fo Ye, he is not Fo Ye and he is not Zhang Qiling either. He really doesn’t appreciate this comparison, even if Pangzi probably meant it in a flattering way.

“I think several people would not approve of this comparison,” he says, looking over at Zhang Qiling for a moment, but if he heard those words he doesn’t show any reaction. “Ba Ye is really not at all like Wu Xie. He only ever went into tombs for Fo Ye, he wouldn’t do that by himself.” Zhang Rishan still remembers various threats of bodily harm he had to deliver to make Ba Ye join Fo Ye at all. And while Ba Ye was certainly willing to risk something to help the people he cared about, he wouldn’t set out on some adventure just out of curiosity. “So it’s not likely that you two will join us if we happen to find any other interesting tombs?” Pangzi asks, a little disappointed. “No, not very likely.”

They say their goodbyes then, before the others pile into Wu Xie’s van and drive away, leaving Ba Ye and Zhang Rishan with the rental. Ba Ye gets in the back, immediately scooting to the middle seat, probably out of habit. “You can sit in the front, if you want?” Zhang Rishan offers, while he looks up the nearest shopping center. “But the important people always sit in the back," Ba Ye quips and grins at him when Zhang Rishan looks at his reflection in the rearview mirror. Zhang Rishan only huffs a little laugh at that but nods, starting the engine, which makes Ba Ye scramble to his door to get out and back in on the front seat. “No, I changed my mind, I’d rather sit here. The view is better.”

They slowly leave the rural area, the streets getting wider and wider. “So, you work at Xinyue hotel?” Ba Ye asks, looking out the window. “Why didn’t you say so?” Does he now regret declining his suggestion of staying there? “Would it have changed your mind about staying there?” he asks, eyes focused on the road. Ba Ye can still stay there if he wants to, Zhang Rishan can always arrange that. “Do you live there?” Ba Ye answers his question with another question instead. “No, I just work there," which is most of his time if he isn’t away from Beijing on other business, like this trip. “Hmmm, no…," Ba Ye mutters, still looking out the window and sounding glum again.

“Ba Ye, it’s not that I was deliberately hiding that fact, but there are 80 years of life you don’t know about and what I told you yesterday is barely a fraction of that.” Because that part had been mostly about the people that they both lost. And it had been a very, very compressed summarization of events. “So, just ask anything you want to know, we have at least four days of boring driving ahead of us.” Ba Ye hums thoughtfully at that and then actually starts asking things. A little more about the hotel, who Yin Nanfeng is and lastly who Kan Jian is. Zhang Rishan tells him about the message in Kan Jian’s shoe, just to make him laugh and thankfully it works.

When they enter the city Ba Ye gets visibly distracted by the first skyscrapers and the sheer number of cars, scooters and other people participating in traffic one way or the other. He obviously tries to hide it when they enter the shopping center and all of it gets a bit overwhelming. Zhang Rishan assumes it’s a ‘too much’ of everything, too many people, too many new things and aggressively blinking advertising boards everywhere. And this is just a small town shopping center.

He doesn’t like places like this very much himself, but it must be even worse for Ba Ye, who hovers really close to his shoulder but doesn’t seem to dare to grab his arm with so many strangers around. His fingers are gripping the back of Zhang Rishan’s sweater in a vice-like hold instead and he is definitely ducking behind him, rather than complaining about other people bumping into him. And that’s never a good sign. So Zhang Rishan decides to find a quiet little place in one of the cafés where they can rest for a moment and drink some tea.

“There really are so many more people," Ba Ye sighs, sipping his tea carefully and it’s not really a complaint or his usual whining, but it’s a start. Zhang Rishan just nods and quietly hums his agreement. This might take longer than he thought and he adds another day to his planning. But he doesn’t really mind, it’s not like he is looking forward to another meeting with the Chens.

They get the phone first (“Whatever you have.”), then some of the daily necessities (“Electric razor? Is everything electric nowadays?”). Clothes take most of their time even though they are only looking for simple things. Zhang Rishan firmly believes suits should be custom made and that Ba Ye should get most of his new wardrobe in Beijing. He basically only needs a change of clothes and a pair of shoes that are more suited for hiking right now (even though they are done with the hiking part of this vacation. Hopefully). Their last stop is a supermarket for some supplies, which seems to be Ba Ye’s favorite so far and then they are off again, with a few more hours of daylight to drive.

It’s a rather quiet drive, Ba Ye is fixated on studying the manual of his new phone while he tries various snacks and just occasionally comments how much he likes them. He also offers Zhang Rishan some, every time he opens something new, but he doesn’t want sticky fingers or crumbs all over his seat. Ba Ye ignores his protests with a “Oh, this is really interesting, you have to try!” and he ends up with half of a flowery pastry stuffed right into his mouth. “No crumbs, no sticky fingers, if you let me feed you," Ba Ye comments with a grin and seems to enjoy himself tremendously.

“What is this?” Zhang Rishan asks around his mouthful of actual flower petals, wrapped in puff pastry. “Rose Cake.” Ba Ye is looking at him like he is waiting for something, probably a comment on the taste. “I don’t like puff pastry," he has to disappoint and Ba Ye pouts at him for a moment before he starts looking through the various packages. “What about pineapple cake?” Zhang Rishan peeks at the packaging and then just shrugs, accepting another piece of food from Ba Ye’s fingers.

They reach their next hotel late in the evening. “Would you like your own room?” Zhang Rishan asks while they get their bags. Ba Ye looks almost affronted for a moment. “That would be stupid, I don’t want to leave my room in my nightclothes when I want to talk with you," he says, holding onto his new bag with both hands and pressing it to his chest. “Unless… unless you want your own room," he adds more quietly and looks away.

“I don’t mind sharing," Zhang Rishan answers. He really doesn’t mind sharing, he had been a soldier for far too long and he actually likes Ba Ye’s company. He just wanted Ba Ye to know he had options, that he doesn’t have to share if he doesn’t feel like it and would rather be alone for a while. After all, they had slept next to each other so many times in the past on their various journeys.

So they get one room with two beds and hand all of Ba Ye’s new clothes over to the laundry service. After a rather quick dinner at the hotel restaurant Ba Ye finally starts up his new phone and immediately adds all his new contacts. He quickly finds out that he doesn’t have to type his messages and can just use voice messages. He also tests his new camera, taking pictures of almost everything in the room (including Zhang Rishan) and ends up making a video call to Wu Xie.

While he is busy Zhang Rishan rummages in his bag to find his laptop and start on a little research and give Ba Ye his changshan back so he can pack it into his own bag. He has packed the zip-lock bag which they have used to secure what was left of the strange white liquid into the same pocket as the laptop to keep it safe, so he gets both of them out only to find the zip-lock bag completely flat and empty. It’s still sealed and the bag has no holes, but it’s completely empty. There is absolutely no trace of its content left, it looks like it has never been used.

#zhang rishan #fuba #ba ye #qi tiezui #mystic nine #dmbj fic

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