#hahahaha....hahahahha......HAHAHAHAHA....
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I bring gifts
I8M IN LOVE WITH YOU/p OH MY GOD THANK YOU
#hahahaha....hahahahha......HAHAHAHAHA....#identity v#idv lucky guy#identity 5#idv#identity v lucky guy#lucky guy#idv lucky#my asks!#idv painter#edgar valden#edlucky#augcenser#idv august#idv censer
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he hates me. hes said the one thing everyone ive ever loved said right before they left. i hate myself because nobody could ever love me. im so silly to think anyone ever would. hahahahahhahaha. ha to the fuckinh ha. i want to sleep forever.
#aliceosemansolos#vent post#vent#hahahahaha#ha ha funny#hahaha#haha#hahahahahahahhaha#hahahahahaha#hahahaha#hahahah#hahahahha#hahahahahahhaha#im unloveable#i hope i die#i want to diiieeee#i want to be loved
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Hahahahha hahahahaha hHHAHAHAH AHAHh hahah hahahah Haaaaaaahhh ahahahahahahha hahahah Hahahaha Hahhahahahahaha Hahahahaha hahahahahahahha Haaaaaaahaaaaa HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HahahqhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA HAHAHAHHAH HAHHAH HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHHHHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
#girlblogging#girlblogger#girlbogger#this is a girlblog#girl blog#gaslight gatekeep girlblog#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#gaslight girlboss gatekeep#girlhood#girlblog#it girl#girl interrupted#girl interupted syndrome#just girly things#just girly thoughts
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TAEHYUNG🙄 HAHAHAHHA THIS BOY HAHHAHAHAAHA IM NOT ROOTING FOR YOU TAEHYUNG🙄 HAHAHAHAHA IM NOT EVEN CALLING HIM TAE NOW HAHAHAHA TAEHYUNG🙄
Like im not supporting this man until he redeems himself as in he really has to do smth exceptional to redeem himself
like what if oc had died......WHAT ABOUT MY YOONGI AND KOOKIE
i really want hobi to get into his bestie mode and beat the shit out of taehyung🙄 I'm so serious🤜🏽🤛🏽💥🤜🏽🤛🏽💥💥💥
HAHAHAH WE ARE GOING FULL ON PARENT SCOLDING MODE WITH HIM Kim Taehyung you will go to your room right now 😡 ahahha
ALSO HONESTLY SAME fjadfj I kinda wanna see Hobi loose it jfajdsf 😩
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May 2, 2023 | 11:31 PM
Basta malungkot ako ngayon, hindi ko to deserve kasi hindi naman masama ang ugali ko, malandi Oo pero hindi masama ugali ko. Hahahaha. Anyways nalulungkot ako kasi yung nag-iisa kong staff sa cafe eh hanggang May 20 na lang daw siya, titigil na sya sa work. Sabi ko okay lang, pero deep inside andito na naman ako sa part na "mag-isa na naman ulet ako", yung hahanap ka na naman ulet ng bagong staff na makakasama mo sa cafe. Tapos dumagdag pa yung nag-iisa kong kaibigan na babae na nakatira sa katabi ng cafe na palagi kong kasama eh mag-aabroad na, aalis din siya sa May 20. Nalulungkot ako kasi ang liit na nga lang ng circle of friends ko tas bigla naman silang naglagasan. Yung wala na nga akong jowa iiwan pa ako ng staff ko at mga kaibigan ko. Hahahahha. Seryosong post to, hindi ko alam bakit may HAHAHA ako sa post na ito, siguro para hindi masakit. Hahaha. Nakakalungkot noh? Kasi wala akong jowa HAHAHAHAHA.
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I thought I had clicked reblog 🥲 I’m so sorry.
First of all Dolly honey you are becoming one of my fave writers out here, seriously OMFG the way you have with words, scenes, plots, characters, JUST ABSOLUTELY MARVELOUS, I hope you are very extremely proud of yourself bc DAMN you write so f*cking AMAZING.
Now for this story, HOT DAMN, I LOVEEEEEEE DARK!ROMANCE with passion, dark romance is my second name hahahaha, I just love my red flags who are not really red just Barbie pink 😂
So this story, where do I begin, ABSOLUTELY LOVEEEEEEED it HARD, I recently watched OUAT in H for the first time and I was OBSESSED, first of all bc it’s really interesting to see the 70s, also to the ending of Miss Tate (I was crying with the ending, I was so soooo happy Quentin give her that ending and I read why he did it so yes yes yes king) Austin’s performance OMFG, when I tell you he had me on my knees, he looked sooooo f* good.
His voice, his long dark hair, the beard and mustache, his whole COWBOY look, DAAAAAAAMN Quentin whyyyyyyy hahaha, I seriously couldn’t stop thinking about him and about HIM DOING A COWBOY MOVIE, pleaseeeeeee Austin PLEASEEEEE.
So when I found your story and saw IT WAS YOU WHO WROTE IT I literally SCREAMED hahahahha
So f delicious, hot, sexy, that pistol scene OMFG, his entire PERSONALITY, queen like you wrote him uuuuggghhhh sooo good, the way he YES KIDNAPPED HER but take care of her, didn’t want to scare her, didn’t touch her without her consent, never got angry with her, the way you descri how he looked at her OMFG YEEEEEEES when she dyed his hair and he was so adorable picking the loose thread in his jeans (yes I remember him very detail, I’m obsessed) and then when he sees her in the door with the gun and aims it at him and he’s just like calm down baby, him taking out the bullets and checking AND TELLING HER YOU ARE SAFE BABY in the game, Dolly you had me on the floor.
Absolutely in love and obsessed with this story seriously, WOOOOOOW, JUST FUCKING WOOOOOOW.
And the fact that you wrote another one shot in the same universe as SW, yes yes yes, that was soooo sinfully hot, I’m telling you YOU ARE FANTASTIC. Him begging her to stop and then she being like noooooo you can take it only for him to make her “take it” in the end hahaha loved it, but that’s from the other story hahahahah let’s focus on this one.
Ok so absolutely obsessed with how you wrote him in this.
AND I MEAN AUSTIN!Tex (not the piece of sh*t from rl) to me they are different entities.
So now reading that you have a COWBOY!Austin story and a cult leader just uuugghhh tickles all the right places hahahahaha, specially if the last one is dark!romance, uuughhhhh can’t wait.
Sending you alllll the love your way and all the good vibes, take your time, don’t stress, and I hope you are really happy hon 💕💗 thank you so much for feeding my dark cravings hahaha.
I really hope you write more Austin!tex in the future too.
(I’m so sorry for this long review haha but I couldn’t stop and sorry for any grammatical mistakes)
𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐆𝐔𝐍 𝐖𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 | austin!tex watson x kidnapped!reader
summary: the year is 1969 and you find yourself lucky enough to live up in the hollywood hills, spending your days dancing away to your favorite rock n’ roll vinyls in an old farmhouse and looking after your wild roommates. the only problem? you’ve caught the eye of tex watson. how does he spend his days? making moves towards finally getting everything that he could ever want. you.
pairings: obsessive!tex watson x kidnapped!reader
word count: 16,557
warnings/notes: HEAVY SMUT! serious gunplay, sexy russian roulette, cream pie, breeding kink, marking, claiming, possessiveness, tex literally stalks you, tex then kidnaps you, mention of the manson family, mentions of murder and violence- this is the sexiest thing i’ve ever written, and i will fully finish editing it tomorrow. i’m emotionally drained after finishing this.
masterlist | requests are currently closed for now.
Up in the California hills there sits a small house, nestled smack dab in the middle of a few sprawling acres of farmland. This is where Tex first saw you.
There’s a long drive leading up to the old farmhouse, and behind it is a small red barn which has faded to a rusty orange over time due to the blinding summer sun. Every once in a while an older gentleman that looks to be in his early fifties will make his way up the mountainside to his little stretch of heaven, the large tires of his wide body chevy truck easily making it over the bumps and divots in the land, so that he can check on his tenants. He’s the kind, homely sort that the Texan was used to interacting with in the south. Watson, who was currently parked on the back bend of the mountain and just out of sight of the house and the main road, watched the older man closely. Tex’s shoulder length hair blew into his face with a large gust of wind, and he was quick to tuck it right back behind his ear, readjusting his cowboy hat to stop the annoyance from happening again.
A gaggle of girls lived in that farmhouse, all appearing to be what the Californians would consider to be hippies. The free lovin’, barefoot walking, rock n’ roll dancing type of gals that Tex had been told to stay away from once or twice. Of course, these types of girls were the kind that Charlie seemed to like the most.
The older landowner seemed to have no reservation about their scantily clad forms or the fact that three out of the four of them smoked like chimneys. The man would always climb out of his truck and head to the side door that was connected to the kitchen, and then you would duck your head out with a smile and beckon him in. Tex had been watching that house of yours for what seemed like days, but had really been weeks. Charlie had said in passing that he had seen a car full of pretty girls that might want to come stay at the ranch, and had given Tex the task of extending the invitation. What the “prophet” hadn’t expected was that the tall, lanky boy might grow fond of one of them.
It was impossible to deny your charms, even from a few hundred feet away. You’d dance to your records like no one was watching, your head thrown back as you loudly sang the lyrics to your favorite songs. It was obvious to him, even after the first few hours of watching you through the windows of the house, that you were the designated ‘mother’ of the group. You cooked most of the meals and cleaned up after the messy hellions with little to no complaints. He supposed that the older gentleman must have been someone’s father, though Tex didn’t care enough to get a very good look at him and his features. Why would he pay attention to anyone else but you? Charlie would ask every other day about the progress Tex was making with talking “the pretty little things down the road” into joining the family, and Tex was guilty of lying about the strides that he was taking to make nice with the group.
Today was just like any other day. The sun was beating down on the brunette and his tanned skin, his sensitive blue irises shielded by the brim of his hat. He was wearing a t-shirt that communally belonged to the family, though it was a size or two too small for him. It must have been one of the girl’s shirts, because it was quite snug. When he raised his arms the shirt would brush up and over his navel, and when his arms were at his sides, like they were now, it brushed against the soft flesh of his stomach. Today's outfit wasn’t exactly appropriate for crouching down in briars. Not even the fabric of his low waisted, boot cut jeans protected him from the painful stick of thorns. Nothing was going to get in his way of getting a good look at you though.
“Thanks for dropping by to fix the sink, sir. I’m just sorry that Debbie was out of the house though. . . I know you don’t get to see her often, Mr Swanson.” You were talking to the old man out on the front porch, opening the screen door for him so that he could make his way down the rickety old steps.
It wasn’t often that Tex got to hear your voice so clear. You seemed apologetic, and from where he stood in the tall brush and thorns, Tex could see that your eyes were soft on the man. Almost like you felt bad about something. The man, who Tex now knew as Mr Swanson, stopped by the door of his truck, quickly waving off your concerns.
“I’ll just see her the next time I swing by. Let her know that I love her though, will ya?” His voice was deep, with a southern drawl that made the brunette feel a sort of kinship. It wasn’t entirely unusual for people to move to Los Angeles from southern states, but it was rare to meet someone with an accent as thick as his own. ‘Tex’ was a nickname he had been given by the group, and he found that he preferred it to his birth name anyway. Texas, they called him.
“Will do. Thank you again, sir.” You made sure to watch the man drive off, staying on the porch until his car disappeared behind a thick patch of trees.
For a second Tex worried that the man might be able to see his car once he got far enough down the mountain, but relaxed when he realized that there were a couple of thick saplings that covered up the car completely. Tex was quick to stand up, clenching his teeth as a few thorns ripped into the skin of his hands as he continued to shuffle through the bushes. Thankfully his cowboy boots protected his lower legs, but the rest of his lithe body was fair game for the sharp weeds.
He watched your form float through the house, smiling softly to himself as you ended up in the kitchen, just as you always did. You were currently stirring away at something in a big pot, and he was sure that you were already getting things ready for dinner. You were kind and thoughtful like that. It was one of the many reasons why he was so enamored with you. He waited a few more minutes, watching to see if there was anybody else in the house. The upstairs lights were all off, meaning the girls probably weren’t in their rooms. You had also apologized about Debbie’s absence, who he assumed must have been the older man’s daughter. Clearing his throat to calm his sudden nerves, Tex walked out from the bushes, over the dirt driveway, and up the front steps of the house. The porch creaked under his weight as he stalked his way up to the front door.
He stood there for a few seconds, his fist raised and hovering over the wooden door. He had come up with a story as a means to get you to trust him beforehand, but a strange sense of guilt had begun washing over him. Tex was by no means a good person. He wasn’t shocked by the fact that he was really standing on your front porch, mere seconds from stealing you away to the ranch. Instead of being shaken to the core by his innermost urges, he had mindlessly acted on them. Now here he stood, right on your front porch. Right where he shouldn’t be. He still had time to turn around. He could have told Charlie that he knew you personally, and felt odd about taking you back to the ranch. The head of the family would have been annoyed, and perhaps Tex would be forced to prove his loyalty, but you would at least be safe and untouched. You were too sweet and pure to be tainted.
Tex slowly turned his head to face the long drive, biting the inside of his cheek as he wracked his brain for some sort of definitive answer. What should he do? The second that he took you there would be no turning back. You’d be forced to stay with him… but wasn’t that what he really wanted? Fate had placed you right into his lap. You were meant for him and nobody else. You gave the lanky man no time to mull over his decision. From the kitchen window you had seen him walking up the drive and decided to investigate.
At first you had been terrified, and rightly so. You rarely got any visitors since you lived so far out in the middle of nowhere, so it was unusual for a man who was around your age to be wandering around on your land. You had placed the wooden spoon down on the counter, shuffling over towards the front door in the hopes of being able to see him through the small windows that overlooked the porch. Sure enough he seemed to just be standing there, his eyebrows knit in concern, his plush lips downturned into a deep frown. It was his obvious distress that made you open up the front door, looking at him through the screen. Little did you know that you would be sacrificing both your safety and your life. He blinked at you, his handsome face hidden behind the shadow that was cast from the brim of his hat.
“U-Uh. . . can I help you, sir?” You asked, trying to keep the fear out of your tone.
You’d recently caught wind of a few recent robberies, and the last thing that you wanted was for something like that to happen to you. The longer that you looked at the handsome stranger, the harder it was to believe that he could be a thief though. You eyed his clothing for a second before finally deciding that he must be one of the girl’s guests. The cropped shirt and tight fitting jeans made him fit in with the sort of crowd that you usually hung around. Without a second thought you swung the screen door open, allowing him to shuffle a few steps closer to you. “Are you here to see one of the girls? They’re actually headed into town right now, but feel free to wait around-” Your heart lurched as you watched him lean against the doorframe, shoving his hands into his pockets as he watched you.
No one had ever looked at you the way that he was looking at you in that moment. Sure, you attracted men’s attention, but this wasn’t just a glazed over sexual glance- this man was staring at you almost as though you were his favorite person in the whole world. Like you were some celebrity that he was finally getting to meet after years of idolization. It was wholly unsettling.
“I’m actually not here for any of that.” Your face paled, and all you could do was pray that a robber wasn’t halfway through your open door. “I was actually headed up the mountain to go hiking? But I must have turned onto your drive instead. I’ve got an ole’ piece of shit beater, and it broke down on the way back down the mountain. Can I use your phone, darlin’? Just to call a friend.” His southern accent was thicker than Mr Swanson’s, and there was something about that Texan drawl that disarmed you. It made you feel like he was someone kind and trustworthy.
“Yeah- of course. People get lost up this mountain all the time. Here, come on in.” You took a step back into the house, your mind far from accepting of the possible dangerous circumstances. It was nineteen sixty-nine, so what was the worst thing that could happen? Not to mention that the man looked like he understood the way that you lived your life. He seemed free spirited, what with his outlandish sense of style. “Our phone is right in the living room.” You called out to him, your bare feet creaking on the old hardwood floors as you made your way down the hall. Tex took his time looking around the house, his palms beginning to sweat as he realized how close he finally was to you. He could finally tell the exact color of your eyes, and smell the incense coming off of your long, wild locks. He loved you more than he could express in words.
The rugs on the floor looked handmade, like someone had tied a bunch of silk scarves together. They felt plush under his boots as he made his way down the hall and into the living room. The southerner had spent a lot of time watching you from just outside that living room window. He could see his hiding spot where he stood now, just behind a thick patch of trees and brush, far off from your driveway just in case your roommates got any late night visitors. The house smelled like patchouli, nag champa and whatever you were currently cooking on the stove. Though of course this wasn’t the first time that he had been inside of your home. He had made visits from time to time when no one was home, eagerly shoving keepsakes into his pockets that you wouldn’t miss.
You and your friends didn’t spend much time watching tv, but there was a small television set up in the corner. He could tell that you had quite the record collection, but now that he was finally in the home, he saw that there were crates everywhere. “You like the blues?” He asked, bending down so that he could leaf through a few of the vinyls that you had right beside the telephone. You blinked a few times, almost in shock that he was going through your things before you relented, looking almost shy.
“Yeah, don’t you?” Tex froze, taking a steadying breath so that he could gather up the strength he needed to look at you head on again. You were so beautiful that it hurt him to see you this close up. He didn’t think that it was possible to fall deeper in love with you, but he was. .
“Me? I love rhythm and blues. You’ve got a nice collection here too. I see ya like Neil Young. . . he’s a real nice guy; a buddy of mine, actually.” Tex was stalling, and he knew it. Either he made an excuse and left the house now or he took this opportunity and brought you back home with him. He risked another glance up at your face, tracing your plush bottom lip, and then making his way up to your large doe eyes. Another stab of guilt hit him when he realized just how much you trusted him at this moment. He’d teach you how to protect yourself later, but for now he thanked God for your innocence. You were his sweet, naive baby. He’d take good care of you from now on.
He reached out and picked up the phone, holding it against his ear as he stared at the dial pad. For a few seconds you thought that maybe he was trying to remember the right number, but there was something blank in his stare that made you begin to feel uneasy. Unsafe. Your heart picked up, pounding away in your ears as you shuffled in your spot, trying to soothe yourself by running your foot along the shag rug you had set up in the living room.
“A-Aren’t you gonna use the phone?” You finally asked, motioning to it with your hand.
Before you could drop your arm back down to your side he was gripping your wrist, yanking you down towards him. You barely had enough time to scream before you were lurching forward. The phone made a shrill sound as Tex threw the receiver to the ground, yanking hard at the cord to tear it out of the wall. The second that you were on the ground, Tex was moving to straddle you, trying his best to calm you with his words. “I’m not gonna hurt you, darlin’. You’ve just gotta calm down.” He tried, grabbing your wrists in one of his large hands while he fought to tie the phone cord around them to bind you.
Your beautiful features were twisted with fear, tears pouring down your cheeks as you came to the hard realization that you had been betrayed. That you had chosen to trust the handsome stranger and that you had been an idiot in doing so. Tex watched in real time as you realized that your own innocence had been your downfall. He wanted to tell you that he wanted you to hold on to those rose colored glasses of yours. The hurt that he saw in your eyes made him want to stop what he was doing, or even turn the gun that he had burning a hole in his side on himself. He was hurting you. Tex was hurting you.
The fear felt like it was going to eat you up alive. You could barely fill your lungs with enough air to keep yourself conscious, your loud sobs and screams tearing up from your throat only to be muffled by his hand. The stranger allowed you to buck and kick from underneath him, his hips moving with your body almost as though you were a bull trying to catapult him off. He must have had a lot of experience riding horses, because he stayed anchored to you, his solid weight crushing into your much tinier form. The long haired man flinched when your small foot made contact with a lamp on a nearby table, listening to the glass shatter behind him.
“You’re evil!” You bit out at him, briny tears slipping past your lips and into your mouth.
“Pure evil. Practically the devil. But I’m an angel where you’re concerned, so you better stop tryin’a kick’ me or else, lil lady.”
Still, he kept trying his best to shush you, whispering sweet nothings to you that you weren’t quite ready to hear or understand. Finally, after what felt like hours of tirelessly trying to fight him off, you succumbed to your aching muscles. You sucked in gulps of air, shaking like a leaf as he smoothed your hair off of your sweaty forehead, cooing to you gently.
“I’m not gonna hurt ya, pretty girl. I’m not going to do anythin’ bad to ya, alright? I just want ya to come home with me.” And then it all made sense. Things started to click into place.
You’d felt like someone had been watching you for weeks, but any time you looked out the window or flicked the porch light on there would be no one there. Your roommates had tried to tell you that you were being paranoid, and while a part of you wanted to give up and tell them that they were right, you had known that something just wasn’t right. You didn’t want to ask him if he had been watching you. You were too scared to hear him say it- not like you needed to hear the answer anyway. You already knew. Deep down you knew that he had been trailing you for weeks. For what purpose? You weren’t quite sure of that yet.
You pressed your cheek against the carpet, closing your eyes tightly as he slowly climbed off of you. He wanted to make sure that you weren’t going to hurt yourself with all of the glass on the floor. He hovered above you for a few seconds, making sure that you were done putting up a fight before breezing through the house, acting almost as though he owned the place. If there was ever a time to try and get up, now would be that time. You refused to die without putting up a fight. So once he was off of you and looking around the house, no doubt for something to probably tie your legs up with, you fumbled to sit up, pulling at your arms with all of your might. The plastic wires didn’t bend or break at all, and so you were left to pull yourself up with great difficulty, hissing softly in pain as broken pieces of glass embedded themselves into your bare legs. You were tired, terrified, and now injured. This didn’t stop you from stumbling up and onto your feet, breathing heavily as you made your way down the hall as quietly as you could, the front door in sight. Maybe you could run down the driveway and out onto the road, praying that someone in their car might see or hear you screaming for help. It was worth a shot. You’d almost made it to the screen door when you heard a very soft clicking noise directly behind you. You’d heard the sound in enough western films to know that it belonged to a weapon. Specifically an old revolver. Something with enough power to blow a hole straight through you.
“I was tryin’ to be nice, honey. Now I know you’re not the type to go ‘round takin’ advantage of others kindness.” Kindness. You heard his voice right behind you, your muscles tensing as you realized that the only chance you had was now gone. This was it. Either you died right here or did as he said.
Of course you didn’t know that he was madly in love with you. How could you know that? The gun was merely a prop, something that he had brought to scare you, and if there happened to be a confrontation at the house while he was getting you, he would use it to protect both you and himself. Even if you managed to run out of the house, he would have never shot you. Not in a million years. You could do anything you wanted to him, and he still wouldn’t raise a hand to you. Besides, even if you somehow managed to get yourself free, Tex knew that he could outrun and overpower you in seconds. You had absolutely no chance of escape. He just needed to scare you enough to get you into the car with him, and from the looks of it you seemed to be absolutely petrified already. He watched your legs buckle underneath you, eyes wide and watery as you stared at him.
“A-Are you gonna kill me, sir.” Maybe it was the way you looked at him like he had deeply betrayed you, or the fact that you had tears running down your cheeks. Perhaps it was the way your voice broke as you tried to speak, sounding far more innocent than anything or anyone Tex deserved to put his filthy hands on. Whatever it was, Tex felt like he was going to burst into tears right along with you.
He blinked them away, quickly shaking his head in the hopes of alleviating your fears. “I promise you that I will not hurt you or let you be hurt by anyone else. I just gotta have you, is all.”
Your shaky legs weren’t able to keep yourself up anymore. You were cut up and your muscles felt like jello from all of the constant kicking and jerking from earlier. The pure, unadulterated terror had filled your joints with cement. You had fought as hard as you could, and it still had been nowhere enough. You had seen movies in the past where girls were kidnapped or held for ransom, and you felt horrible now for ever thinking that they didn’t fight half as hard as they should have during those scenes. Because you must have looked the exact same way they did. Kicking and flailing without any real rhyme or reason, praying that your legs or fists might connect with something to make him back off of you. Now here you were, battered and bruised- and the worst part was that it was all your own fault. He really had stayed true to his word. He hadn’t hurt you at all, save for the fact that he had bound your wrists so tightly that it felt like it was cutting off your circulation.
You looked up at him like he wasn’t speaking English at all. To you he might as well have been speaking in tongues. He had to have you? He noticed your confusion instantly. Tex had all of your mannerisms downpat already. You two might as well have been lovers for years. He studied you much like a devout catholic might study the holy bible. Front to back. No page left unturned. Every twitch of your nose, pout of your lips, and twinkle in your eyes didn’t go unnoticed by him. He wanted to massage the small line that was appearing between your furrowed brows, and now that he had you bound and weakened, he was finally able to. Tex let out a breathy sound that sounded like a sigh of relief to your ears as he pressed his thumb in between your eyes, rubbing out the worry lines that had appeared on your adorably scrunched up face. Your skin was hot, sticky with sweat under his hands. He was practically buzzing as he made the realization that he was touching you. . . touching you so nonchalantly. He’d be able to do this from now on too.
“Ya see… I’ve been watchin’ your house for some time now. I came for Charlie but stayed for myself.” He told you this almost as though he was telling you that it was going to be overcast tomorrow. Not a lick of shame.
At the mention of another man’s name your terror began to mount. Why did he want you? What would you be used for? Were there multiple men in on this kidnapping? Were your roommates in any danger? It was almost as though Tex could read your mind, quickly getting down on his knees in front of you, grabbing your shoulder in one strong hand. You noticed the scratches on them, the veins visible, twisting up his strong forearms. You immediately made the connection to the briar patches in the wooded area around you.
“No one else will have anythin’ to do with ya, alright? Like I said darlin’, i ain’t gonna let nothin’ touch ya.” But you weren’t sure that you believed him.
For a minute or two you both just looked at each other. He was willing you to trust him and you were willing him to let you go. His handsome features weren’t lost on you. Even despite the hell that he was bound to put you through, you couldn’t help but look up at him and see a beautiful face. Pillow plush lips, big blue eyes framed by thick lashes, and a body that both towered over you and easily overpowered you. He had slung you around like a ragdoll earlier. Like you weighed nothing more than a bag of downing feathers.
He was oleander; both beautiful and deadly.
Tex had left you alone for far too long. You had busied yourself with following the shapes and designs of his crumpled comforter with your eyes, hoping that it would fight off the panic and horror that was beginning to grip at your lungs. You still felt shaky, like at any moment you might break down into some unsalvageable fragment of your once carefree self. You readied yourself for the madness, but it didn’t come. No matter how hard you tried to disassociate from your current plane of existence, no relief was awarded. Whatever commune or “family” that Tex had dragged you into was one of labyrinthian complexity. He had parked his rickety car right in front of the farm, which happened to be not far from your very own home. It made you think that perhaps he had seen you driving home one day and had felt compelled to follow you onto your little safehaven of land.
The girls and you had joked about it being your own little slice of heaven. A paradise. All the four of you had to do was look after the land and make sure that no one looted the house. Debbie’s father was a very kind and very rich man who never made a fuss about taking care of all of you. He had been born and raised in North Carolina; a man that had been brought up on good southern values. He loved his daughter more than anything, and so he always saw you as family. You had been there for Debbie when they had first moved to California, a fast made friend all the way back in high school. Your heart squeezed uncomfortably in your chest, aching to the point where you were sure that it might just pop in your small heaving chest as you began to imagine what Debbie might be feeling right about now. You always took such good care of her. Loved her and your other friends like sisters. They were probably in a frenzy, calling up all of your friends to see who might have been there with you. Who might have hurt you.
All Tex had told you before sitting you down on his bed was that he had to talk to Charlie. Had to explain things to him and then all would be well. That must have been thirty minutes ago now. You had only caught a glimpse of the group of misfits on your way up the stairs to his room. Most of them looked high out of their minds. You recognized that glazed look in their eyes. You were all about people joining hands and living as one, but this wasn’t that. This was something strange all together. This was something so completely other that your brain couldn’t quite define what it was that you were thinking or feeling. All you knew for a fact was that alarm bells were sounding off in your head in a steady stream of white hot noise. You had seen a man that you thought might be Charlie. Three girls were practically laid out on top of him when you and Tex had walked through the front door.. One had been playing with his scraggly hair, the two others rolling what might be a smoke, but you knew was probably dope.
You didn’t tend to judge when it came to couples like that. You’d seen your fair share of “free love” at festivals. Most polyamorous couples stuck to themselves, nothing more than good and honest people who had a little too much love in their hearts. There was something odd about the damn near robotic way the girls were fawning over that man though. Almost like they felt as though they needed to take care of him. Like they were nothing more than servants. Just homely little wives that were born and bred to fuck, feed, and fawn over him. You hoped that this wasn’t something that Tex expected of you. You hoped that in a few days he’d change his mind and bring you back. You already had a speech ready: If you take me back now I won’t tell anybody what I’ve seen or what you’ve done. I’ll just lie and say that I got a bad phone call and had to blow off steam for a few days.
The sad thing was that your friends would probably believe that lie. Your home life has been one of constant disappointment and misery. No one would ever question Tex, and you sure as hell didn’t want to get yourself mixed up with the cops. Whatever was happening on this ranch was bad news. Really bad news.
“Little lady?” Your sore muscles tightened again, wide eyes instantly flashing back over towards the closed door. It was Tex. His accent set him apart from everybody else. Made him memorable.
He looked even taller than you remembered him being now that his back was pressed up against the doorway. He was quick to slip in, closing the door behind him. He seemed happy about something, and it unnerved you to no end. He was smiling at you almost as though he had just won the lottery.
“Charlie said that you’re welcome here,” He purred out, striding towards you confidently before crouching down on his knees, placing one of his hands on your thigh as he spoke, acting as though the two of you had known each other for years. “You’re part of the family now, which means you don’t have to worry. No one is gonna hurt ya or try to take ya from me.”
Your heart jumped, lodging itself in your throat. You felt light headed. His smile slowly fell, his blue eyes rounding a bit as he stood up hurriedly, laying you back against the mattress. His hands shook as he grabbed your calves, situating you on the bed so that he could pull the comforter up and over you. His sheets smelled like fresh ivory soap, sweat and man. Your vision was tunneling and your teeth chattering. What little hope you had that this delusional man would take you back home was gone. No. . . he didn’t look even the least bit nervous about taking you. What timidness he had shown during the drive up to the ranch must have been about whether or not Charlie’s reaction to your presence would be negative. Now that the confrontation was out of the way he seemed fit as a fiddle and right as rain.
“Your lips are turning white. . . y-you okay, honey?” He was rubbing your arms up and down through the fabric of the comforter, your skin pulling uncomfortably at your wrists where you were still bound. “Come on. Speak to me. I can’t help you unless you tell me what’s wron-”
It was the utter audacity of the stranger that turned your nerves into rage. You felt it building up, the heart aching sadness morphing into some big, ugly beast that you didn’t recognize in yourself. “What’s wrong? I-I was just attacked in my own home and kidnapped. Now you’ve got me tied up in a house with a bunch of weirdos-” His large hand was quick to cover your mouth, his eyes narrowing on your face before turning towards the door quickly. He must have been nervous of someone overhearing you.
When his friends got their feelings hurt they usually blew the offender’s head off or slit their throats in their sleep. You tried to speak through his calloused hand, but he only pressed down harder, your lips digging uncomfortably into your teeth. His hand smelled of sweat, men's cologne and grass. Judging by his boots and dirt stained pants he had probably been working out in the yard before he had come for you. “Those weirdos have short tempers, darlin’. If someone hurts you. . . then i’ll react with violence myself, and I don’t wanna make an enemy outta any of em’. Do you understand what I’m tryna say?”
You didn’t understand exactly what he was saying… aside from the fact that he had just told you- in a rather roundabout way- that they were dangerous. You tried to calm down, realizing that panicking and yelling wasn’t going to get you anywhere with the man. You took a few steadying breaths through your nose, nodding your head to let him know that you were catching on to the severity of the situation. Slowly he removed his hand, allowing you to quickly lick your lips and gather your bearings. You could taste his salty sweat on your tongue and fought back the urge to spit. When you looked back up at him, ready to question as to what the hell was really going on, he seemed to be distracted with his hand. The very hand that had just been pressed against your lips. You cleared your throat to get his attention, hoping that you hadn’t ended up biting him by accident. He might have said that he wouldn’t hurt you, but that didn’t mean that you believed it. He seemed to be entranced by the palm that had been pressed against your lips. Before you could question him as to what he could be staring at, he brought his palm up to his mouth. You wanted to voice your disgust as you watched him drag his tongue along his calloused skin to lap up your spit.
He let his eyes flicker up towards your face, almost like he was daring you to say something. It was almost like he wanted to explain himself. You didn’t want to act too shocked. Didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of getting some kind of reaction out of you. Now that he had removed the jet black cowboy hat from his head you could see his eyes better. They were as blue as a summer midday sky. They looked startlingly bright against his sun kissed skin. You needed to avert your eyes away from his face, especially since he was still licking at his palm, seemingly to get every remnant of what had been left over from your mouth. The heated eye contact that he was making with you whilst doing that had you nearly shivering as a result. It was startling. Grotesque. He was staring at you like he wanted to devour you. Like he wished it was your own mouth that he was lapping at instead. Or maybe even. . .
You tightened your thighs on impulse, blinking wildly to rid yourself of the image that your panicked brain had conjured up.
“W-What is your name?” You needed to work your way from the ground up, you could tell. He wasn’t about to volunteer sensitive information straight away. At least. . . you didn’t think that he trusted you that much yet.
His face fell, his hand falling limply on top of your legs as it finally dawned on him that you didn’t even know his name. You really did no nothing about him. How ridiculous it was of him to forget. “Tex. Tex Watson.” He cleared his throat before letting his eyes bounce around the room, his cheeks getting a bit pinker as he continued. “I-I mean people call me Tex. I’d prefer it if you called me that too.” Which meant that Tex probably wasn’t his real name. Ah- there it was. The shame in his eyes. The sudden realization that you knew nothing about him, yet here he was, talking to you like you were long time lovers. Touching you like it was all he had been doing for years.
The self reflection was gone just as soon as it had come though, a gleeful damn near smirk soon pulling at his lips. “Ask me anythin’ you want.” Perhaps he wanted you to ask about the happenings of the ranch. Maybe he enjoyed the fear that it was instilling in you.
“What is this place?” You tried to keep your voice steady and school your face into an expression of slight indifference. If he was just playing with you like a cat would a mouse, the last thing you wanted to do was give him what he wanted. Maybe he would kill you quicker if you helped him play out whatever sick fantasy this was, and you couldn’t have that. Still though, you couldn’t help but find his behavior out of the ordinary for someone who might just want to kill you. No matter how terrified you were, you were beginning to believe him. He wasn’t going to kill you. He just wanted to keep you. Stare at you. Possibly even love you. It was odd, and to your sane and sound mind this was the farthest thing from normal, but if you had any hope of getting out of here alive and in one piece, you had to play along.
“We call ourselves a family- one that you’re now’a part of,” He placed a hand on your cheek, and you couldn’t keep yourself from flinching, your body giving in to it’s natural instinct to evade his touch. If he noticed he didn’t seem to mind. He ran his thumb against your cheek, marveling at how soft it was. He was beginning to feel a bit more greedy with his touches. “But Charles looks after all of us. We have a divine purpose on this earth. You do too. I knew it from the very first second that’a laid eyes on ya. Ya were destined to be my wife.”
You found out a lot about the family and it’s dynamic. Charles was the leader and they- the people that you had seen downstairs- were his followers. Most of the women in the family were romantically involved with the man in charge, and they called themselves his “wives”. The more Tex spoke, the faster you realized that this place was less of a group of friends and more of some sort of a religious cult. They seemed to believe that it was their duty to help and bring on the apocalypse. From what you could remember of the countless brainwashing bible camps that your parents had forced you to attend, the apocalypse was supposed to not only be the end of the world as everyone knew it, but the end of the human race. No one evaded death. The good went to heaven and the bad suffered and went to hell.
Did this mean that Tex and the rest of his “family” members wanted people to die? Did they do any killing? It was all very strange and very confusing. You pried a little bit more about Tex and how he fit into the hierarchy of the family. He seemed to be high up on the totem pole, stating that the only person that he answered to was Charles himself. You asked whether or not he had any other wives, but he was quick to try and “alleviate your fears”, letting you know that he strictly practiced monogamy.
You asked him questions until the sun set behind your beloved mountain, the two of you now talking in a dark room. He offered to feed you, bringing back a plate of dinner that one of Charlie’s “wives” had prepared for the entire ranch, but you declined. You were positive that if you tried to eat anything that it would come right back up. He had hesitantly accepted the fact that you were in no state to eat, finishing the plate of food himself.
Getting to know Tex did nothing to deaden your fears. If anything, you felt terrified for your well being far more than you had before. He was absolutely unhinged, but the fact that his friends were ten times worse was crystal clear. As long as you laid low in the house and stuck to Tex like glue, it sounded like you would be able to slip right under the radar. There was no way you were going to get off of the ranch by yourself, so you needed help. You needed Tex’s help to do that, so you needed to get on his good side sooner rather than later. You couldn’t afford to have a mental breakdown- not yet at least. You could scream and cry after you were home safe.
After he had told you his entire life story he seemed content enough to place his hands on his knees, standing up with a small groan before heading towards the ensuite bathroom. Being left alone, even if he was just in the other room, made your body lock up in terror. You were able to shyly ask him through your nervous cottonmouth whether or not he’d be willing to let you sit in the bathroom with him. He seemed to hesitate but gave in regardless. It wasn’t until the both of you were standing under the bright fluorescent lights in the bathroom that he finally realized how horrible your bound hands looked. They were practically white from the lack of circulation. “God damn it, baby! Why didn’t you tell me ‘bout this?” He was quick to exclaim, hurriedly reaching into the back pocket of his pants and pulling out a pocket knife. You were unable to keep from letting out a small shriek, backing up against the bathroom sink as tightly as you could. He threw his free hand up in what seemed to be exhaustion and annoyance.
“I just rattled on for ages about how I was meant to marry ya, and you think imma hurt you? Stop fussin’ so much, alright? You’re safe. I’ve got ya. I have the means to protect ya, so nothin’ is gonna happen.” With that being said he closed the gap between your bodies, shoving the knife under the tightly wrapped cord and pulling, hacking away binds.
The second that the blood started rushing back to your hands you felt a sharp sting. You flinched and tried desperately to get your fingers to move. Tex closed the pocket knife, shoving it back in his back pocket before reaching out for your hands, rubbing at the sore skin with his thumbs. It felt like you had ducked your hands into a pocket of spiders, your nerves twitching and coming back to life. After making sure that you were alright, Tex stood up a little straighter, nodding his head towards the bathroom door.
“I don’t like threatenin’ you, honey, but you need to know that if you leave this room without me there will be consequences.” His hands moved to his shirt as he spoke to you, slipping it off without any hesitation in front of you. You were quick to avert your eyes as his hands moved down to his pants, biting down on your lower lip as you tried to keep yourself from screaming yet again. How could he ever think that this was normal?
“You can look if you want,” He was still standing right in front of you, his deep voice still sounding just as close. “It’s all yours.”
It’s not like you had never had sex before, but it was infrequent enough for the shame of this entire situation to redden your cheeks and ears. Your roommates weren’t opposed to sleeping with friends or strangers on a regular basis, and while you never judged them for what they did, you weren’t the kind of person to involve yourself with someone you didn’t know well enough. You half expected Tex to try and coerce you, but the second he saw the look on your face he turned the shower on, climbing in and closing the curtain tight behind him.
“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have undressed in front of ya. That was wrong of me.” That was the most regretful that you’d heard him sound this entire time. “I just. . . I just love ya so much. It’s very hard to control myself, but I will. You don’ have to be afraid of me.” But you were. Terrified. Petrified even. You didn’t answer him.
“I know that eventually you’ll come ‘round. You’ll see. You’re mine and I’m yours, and isn’t that how it’s supposed to be between a married couple?” You had dropped your head into your hands as you sat down on the counter, your feet dangling above the floor. You didn’t have the energy left to be shocked.
“Married?” Your voice came out more even than you expected it to.
“Spiritually, at least. We’ve been tethered since our very inception. That’s what Charlie told me at least, and I believe him.” But you sure as hell didn’t.
Much like you had done with the comforter just hours ago, you laid awake on your back, eyes staring up at the ceiling. You tried to find any cracks or imperfections with your eyes, making unnecessary note of each one. Tex, though he had stayed true to his word the entire night and hadn’t hurt nor forced himself upon you, had insisted that you sleep with him in his room. He had given you space, scooting back far enough on the bed to where only your feet touched under the blanket. You’d be lying if you didn’t think about making a run for it, and he had made sure to let you know that staying with him would be safer than running into his friends downstairs. It wasn’t exactly a threat, but sure as hell felt like one. You hadn’t been able to fully relax until you heard his breathing even out, risking a glance over at him once you were absolutely certain that he had fallen asleep.
Once again, the duality of him was on full display. It was difficult- damn near impossible- to imagine someone that looked like he did to do such a thing. How could he kidnap anyone when he looked like an angel? He had held you at gunpoint not even five hours ago, yet here he was, lashes gently fluttering as he dreamed. The gentle slope of his nose was nuzzled against his dark green pillow case, and the hair that was still wet from his shower was sticking to his cheeks. Now that his blue eyes were closed you were able to see just how thick his lashes were, even in the pale moonlight. The worst part was how innocent he looked. You hated him, but there was a small part of you that didn’t want to.
Was the crime that he committed a good indication that he had mental health issues? Was he someone that should be pitied rather than detested? Still, he was articulate and had a way with storytelling. He seemed intelligent and calculated with his thoughts and decisions.
You spent the rest of the night like that, staring up at the ceiling and trying to come up with excuses for his bad behavior. You had drifted off a few times, but startled awake whenever you felt his large body shift closer to yours, unused to sleeping next to someone. Your body was on high alert, sensitive to everything around you.
These anxieties bled into your daily life on the ranch. The more days passed though, the less afraid you were that you were going to be hurt. Rather you became hyper aware of Tex rather than just the things around you. Tex’s friends didn’t seem very interested in talking to you, not even during dinner.
Their loud voices blended in with the constant music pouring out of the media system in the living room. The Beatles, Neil Young and The Beach boys became the soundtrack to your everyday life. You weren’t mad about the incessant background noise either. It was in the dead of night when no one was awake to flip the vinyl that things got eerie. Silence became your worst enemy. You’d wake up in the dead of night to the dull crackling downstairs from the speakers, all of your newest fears at the forefront of your mind. Tex got closer to you as the days passed. He was testing the waters and chipping away at your resolve. You’d lost the fight that you once had, so you no longer pushed away his arms when he pulled you into a hug. He loved to be touching you at all times. Whether it was him brushing his hand against yours, placing your thighs over his lap when the two of you were in the living room, or even pressing his nose against the back of your head as you both slept so that he could breathe in your scent. You’d never had a serious boyfriend in your life, and to be touched constantly at all hours of the day made you feel confused and conflicted.
It also didn’t help that Tex wasn’t exactly a monster. He had asked to kiss you a few times as the days passed by, and all it took was a shake of your head for him to give up. Anything farther than fleeting touches were off limits to him. Even when you felt his hands shaking with need as they brushed over your thighs, he never pushed you. He never took too much from you. It was easy to fall into a pattern of monotony. Tex would wake up early to feed the animals, letting you sleep in when exhaustion was still melting you into the mattress. Then breakfast was served, oftentimes you helped the other girls wordlessly. You used to cook for your girls everyday, so the task made you feel normal. Like your life hadn’t just been torn from you. Then you and Tex would drift into the living room and listen to music with Charlie and the rest of the group. The way that they all spoke to one another just seemed like a close knit group of friends shooting the shit to most, but you knew that there were secret codes and heavy meanings between each nod of their head or odd hand movement. Tex might have loved you, but that didn’t mean that he planned to tell you everything about his life.
The group rarely called you by your name. They’d assigned you little nicknames, which was supposed to make you feel more comfortable around them. Tex also had a habit of referring to you as “the ole’ lady”, which you didn’t hate half as much as you should have.
“Why are you so against me dyin’ my hair?” He spoke up from his spot on the corner of the tub, picking at a small hole on his bell bottoms as he waited for you to get started. He had been wearing the same shirt that you had worn yesterday before he had shrugged it off and over his head, not wanting to stain it. That was another thing that made you homesick. The group liked to share clothes.
You were clutching the bottle to your chest, glaring at the back of his head as you tried to come up with an answer. “I just don’t think black hair is going to look good on you, is all.” You grumbled, quickly evading his eyes as he turned his head to face you with a smirk.
“So. . . what yer’ tellin’ me is that’cha like my natural hair color? S’ that it?” Damn him and his dumb accent. Damn him and his big blue eyes. Damn him.
Instead of answering you simply reached out, giving his hair a quick tug. You were trying to be mean to him and to get him to stop his teasing, but you being the one to initiate the touching must have caught him off guard. He let out a loud yelp, the sound echoing around the tiled bathroom. A few seconds afterwards you heard a shuddered breath slip past his lips, and the sound made you clench your jaw. His hands moved out to grip the sides of the porcelain tub until his knuckles were white, the muscles of his bare back tightening. There it was again. The tension was often unbearable between the two of you. Your passionate distaste for him had shifted into a passionate “something”. You just couldn’t pinpoint what it could possibly be. What it could mean for you. The fact that you could even tolerate the asshole wasn’t right. It made you think of your mother, who loved your father despite the constant hell he put her through.
All men had ever done was disappoint you and let you down. Tex, while he had done something awful to you and had hurt you, was always so soft with you. He did things without having to be told. He looked out for you. He tucked you in at night. He looked at you almost as though you were the only woman on the entire planet. He couldn’t get enough of you. He never stopped telling you how much he loved you, and you believed him. Maybe you were just as sick in the head as he was, because you believed that he loved you. When he said that there was no one else out there for him, you knew that he was telling the truth. It was because of this constant attention that you found it hard to deny yourself of the urge to explore. There was this insanely bratty part of yourself that wanted to test him and his devotion for you.
You stared down at his chocolate brown hair for a few more seconds, rubbing your fingers against a few fine strands before saying your final goodbye to his natural color. “Don’t cry to me when you look ridiculous though.” You tried to sound cold, but really just sounded like a nagging girlfriend. He didn’t seem to mind. You could hear him chuckling softly, his eyes glued to the yellow shower tiles in front of him. It didn’t take you long to apply the black dye, tossing the applicator in the trash once you were finished. His sudden urge to dye his hair confused you to no end, but very little of what Tex did made complete sense.
“How long do ya think I should leave this in for?” He finally asked, standing up inside of the tub and stretching out his long arms up and over his head as he waited for your answer. You watched the muscles in his shoulders tense, his biceps bulging ever so slightly with the movement. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed you staring, but you turned away from him to wash your hands at the sink before he could say anything.
“Uh. . . probably twenty minutes, I’d think.” You had gotten a few specks of dye on your wrists and palm, and no matter how hard you scrubbed at the skin with soap it didn’t want to wash out. Tex seemed to stain you that very same way. He had tainted you- did something fucked up to your mind, and now you were different. You felt damn near brainwashed at this point. You’d never be the same. He’d stuck himself right onto you, and no matter how badly you wanted him off, he wasn’t leaving.
You scrubbed at your palm until your hand was raw, Tex being the one to walk over to the sink and turn off the water. You dared a glance up at him, looking through your lashes. His eyebrows were drawn together in confusion at your odd behavior. You did this every now and again. It was almost as though you were too stuck in your own mind to really understand what was going on around you. This was one of those times.
“You’re gonna make yourself bleed, honey.” He took your palm in his hand, covering it with his unstained fingers.
You dared to look up at him, taking in his face against the black inky locks that hung down around him. You had smoothed the hair off of his face and neck so as to not stain him. You weren’t sure why you had been so gentle and considerate with him, but you had been. You weren’t sure if you regretted it either. He didn’t look half bad with black hair, and that made you want to rub at your skin even harder. If anything he still looked just as great. His eyes were such a vibrant shade of blue now that you found it hard to look away. If someone wanted to paint Tex, all they needed to do was grab a true shade of blue and mix it with a little white- they were so pretty that it was unnatural.
You snatched your hand out of his grip, clearing your throat before backing out of the room. You needed to escape and fast. Something registered in his eyes. They widened a bit, his lips parting in silent shock. You wanted to play dumb. You wanted to ask him what had his stupid jaw on the floor, but you knew that he had made a vital, fucking dangerous realization.
He finally realized that you were attracted to him.
Not just in passing, but as someone that you were beginning to enjoy being around. The kind of attraction that often resulted in dating in the normal, real world. You didn’t want to give him any time to mull over it either. If Tex said something to you, you weren’t sure whether or not you could answer him without sacrificing a vital part of yourself. The part of yourself that had been keeping you safe the last few weeks. The part of yourself that had shielded you from the fact that no one had come looking for you on the ranch. No one probably thought that you were really gone. Was your mother worried that you hadn’t called? Did your father even really care?
You sat in the bedroom alone for the next fifteen minutes, pacing back and forth next to the bed. Now that the shower was running, you knew that he would be unable to stop you from looking through his things. Your fear of being caught had been too great up until this point, but the self loathing made you bold. Most of his drawers were filled with pants, jackets, and shirts. You riffled through them and found nothing out of the ordinary. His bedside table was a little more exciting, but only because you had found drugs. He had a few novels shoved in, along with what you knew had to be tabs of acid. It wasn’t until you ducked your head underneath the bed that you finally found what you had been expecting to find all along.
That revolver along with box after box of ammunition. Your hands shook as you reached under the bed to grab the weapon, swallowing thickly as you held it up in front of you to get a better look at it. This was the same one that Tex had pointed at you the day that he took you. It was odd to see it up close, and even more odd that you were the one holding it. Not once in your life had you ever shot a gun, but you could probably find out through trial and error. How hard could it be, right?
There were other weapons underneath his bed that made your heart pound. Ropes and knives among other things that you couldn’t bear to stare at for too long. But then, further back, there was a shoebox that felt out of place amongst the other things. Setting the gun down you reached out, biting your lip as you dragged it out from underneath the bed as well, looking anxiously at the bathroom door. You were past the point of feeling guilty for prying. You tossed the lid off, your face paling instantaneously. Pictures. Pictures of your old kitchen, living room, and bedroom. You were in every single one, either smiling at something one of the girls had said or busying yourself with a task. Most of the photos weren’t so innocent though. No- There were pictures of you naked in front of your bedroom window, getting ready for bed. Your breasts were on full display as you looked out the window. You remembered those nights. You remembered how uncomfortable you had felt in your own home, almost as though someone was watching you. You tore the photos out, flipping through them with trembling fingers. What was underneath the photos was worse. Ten times worse. A hundred times worse.
Panties. Panties that you had worn and thrown into the dirty clothes weeks ago, only for them to go missing. You let out a small whimper when you grabbed a pair, holding them up in front of you just to check. Just to see if he had done anything. You regretted it the second that you saw the stain. “Oh my god. . .” You threw them back into the box, pushing the pictures under the bed with hurried hands.
There it was. The truth. All laid out in front of you.
Maybe he wasn’t ever going to kill you, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t a killer. If the cops came out here looking for him, you were sure that you’d be roped in with the lot of them. You would be seen as nothing more than another one of those hippies that runs off and joins a cult. You stood up and off of the ground, the gun still clasped tightly in your hand. You were shaking so badly that you weren’t sure how you were even able to keep hold of the thing. Has anything he told you about himself been the truth, or had he been lying this entire time? Spinning this huge web of stories just to catch you, waiting until you were completely tangled up just to sink his fangs into you. Were you hyperventilating? Were you crying? You slapped a hand against your cheek, wiping at the soft skin there. Sure enough you were in full blown hysterics.
Here it was. The long awaited mental breakdown.
Had you really been sleeping in a house with murderers this entire time? Sitting at the dinner table and breaking fucking bread with them all? You stumbled over towards the bedroom door, creaking it open to pop your head out and listen out for Charlie and his other followers. Someone was playing an acoustic guitar downstairs, all of them probably reading the bible and coming up with more religious nonsense to fuel their evil intentions. You let your eyes flicker to the bannister just down the hall that led out to the kitchen, trying to map out just how long it would take you to sneak your way through the kitchen door. You’d gone through that creaky door enough to know that everyone in the house would hear it open. You’d have to outrun men who had far longer legs than you. Even with the gun, you weren’t quite sure you could make it down the mountain to your home, or even to the main road.
“Whatcha lookin’ at?” You gasped so loudly that you nearly coughed, your heart rattling in your chest as you swung around, pointing the gun out with a trembling hand.
Tex was drying his hair with a towel, his bell bottoms hanging low on his waist, the front unzipped to reveal the hem of his briefs. His plush lips pulled down into a frown as he raised his hands up in surrender. He didn’t look scared. Didn’t look angry. He looked annoyed and exasperated, like he had caught his child sticking their little nose into something that they shouldn’t have. He popped his hip out, putting his weight on one leg as he shook his head back and forth.
“S’ya were goin’ through my things?” He looked around you at the open door, letting out a small sigh before he took a step forward. You put your finger on the trigger as he began walking closer, your jaw dropping as he rolled his eyes.
“Stop! I’ll do it. I-I’ll shoot!” Without a second thought he gripped the barrel of the gun, easily angling it upwards and towards the ceiling as he boxed you in with his tall body, pushing the door closed behind you.
You tried to jerk the gun out of his grasp, but he held on tight, not budging at all. You were boxed in against the door, his hand still pressed against the wood behind you. He leaned in close, his breath fanning over your face as he spoke. “You ain’t gonna do nothin’, lil lady.”
It wasn’t a challenge. It wasn’t him mocking you. He was saying that he knew that you didn’t have what it takes to hurt him. Sure, you would have been able to shoot and injure him at such short range if you had the guts to actually pull the trigger. There was a chance that if you had shot him that you might have killed him, but there was also the large possibility that you might have missed. The gun was shaking like crazy in your grasp, never once being aimed at any of his vital points. Factually, if the gun had gone off he might have been fine. He also knew you better than you knew yourself. You wouldn’t hurt him. No. . . no. . . not when you liked him so much.
He gently removed the gun from your grasp, letting out a small sigh as he tossed it onto the dresser with a loud thunking noise. He raked his hands through his soaking wet hair and dropped the towel so that he could give you his full attention. If you had snuck your little ass out of here while he was in the shower? His heart was pounding as he thought about what might have happened. If someone hurt you in the process of your escape, he’d annihilate the entire family without a second thought. He had enough ammunition beneath his bed to start a war.
Because Tex would have rather died than ever actually hurt you. He couldn’t even imagine your pretty little body completely still, utterly unmoving. The mere idea of you dying, even at the hands of fate, had him nearly doubling over. He could see the way that you eyed the revolver that he had on his dressing table. Your overly tired brain was trying to string together some sort of plan to overpower him in order to get your hands on the weapon. He could practically see the cogs turning. Even if you did succeed in killing him, there was no promise that you would make it off of the ranch alive. Tex had already put himself in the line of fire when he had decided to save you. His own neck was on the chopping block now, and he knew with surety that the other member’s of this cursed family were looking for any reason to slit his throat while he slept. Dying for you, especially after all of the wrong that he had done in his life, seemed like a pretty good way to go. If you killed him before he could get you off of that mountain and as far away from California as he could get you, then you’d be next. A simple revolver, buck knife, and whatever else Tex had in his room wasn’t going to save you from Charlie’s wrath. You were severely outskilled and outnumbered.
“How about we play a game?” Tex watched you flinch at the sudden sound of his deep voice, your eyes widening as you watched him cross the room to grab the gun. You were quick to back up into the bedside table, arm reaching behind you for something to grab onto. The sight of him holding the gun so nonchalantly by his side reminded you of just how many people might have met their maker at the other end of that thing. Your breath came out of you in deep pants, your legs growing wobbly beneath you as you yanked up the glass lamp, the plug sparking as it was roughly ripped from the wall.
Tex was quick to hold the hand that had the gun clasped in it in front of you, his fingers off of the trigger. His other arm was out in surrender. He didn’t need you getting glass on the floor unnecessarily, especially if it meant that you might end up cutting yourself by accident. “Hey- hey there, little lady. I’m not gonna hurt you. See?” He opened the chamber, letting the bullets spill out into his hand. The cold metal rattled, and slowly you inched forward, leaning a few inches closer to him so that you could make sure that he wasn’t trying to take you for some sort of fool.
“Look, honey. I’ve taken all the bullets out.” As if to prove his point the man slapped his palm against the barrel, it clicking back in place. He pulled back the hammer of the gun, aiming it to the ceiling. Click. Shoot. Click. Shoot. Click. Shoot. Nothing. No sheets of plaster rained down on you. No deafening shot echoed through the room. He really had removed all of the bullets. He smiled that straight, white smile at you as he watched your shoulders relax. You refused to die here. You couldn’t do it. You were a nervous wreck, your emotions all over the place. You were so used to men treating you roughly. The no good sort of men that Tex made look like babies.
The man standing before you, his newly black dyed hair still soaking wet and dripping onto his shoulders, confused you. It was so easy to despise him. He had stalked you with the purpose of killing you. Him forcing you to come with him up to the ranch did you no favors either. He tried to convince you that you were safe with him, but you could hear the other murderers downstairs even now, their loud whoops and laughter making your chest burn and your blood go hot. It was easy to hate him for everything that he had done. He had murdered people, and you weren’t even sure how many. He had ripped your life away from you in the blink of an eye, and tried to manipulate you into believing that it was for the greater good. What you absolutely couldn’t stand was the fact that it was working. Maybe it was because your past relationships with men had shaped and molded you to be the perfect candidate for manipulation. Tex was a horrible person, and he had turned your life completely upside down without any permission to do so. He had taken almost every bit of your free will from you, not allowing you to make your own decisions.
But no one had ever loved you the way that Tex presumably did. No one had ever looked at you the way that he looked at you.
“What kind of game?” Your mouth felt like it was going numb, your hip still pressed hard into his bedside table, the lamp clutched in your hand.
His blue eyes looked startling against his black hair. It was unreal how vibrant they were. They flickered down to your hand, staring at the lamp before he motioned towards his hand that held the bullets with a nod of his head. “It’s called Russian Roulette. Except this time we cut the bullshit and raise the stakes.”
You knew that if you said no that he would drop the subject. You also knew that, as far as you could tell, that he had no intentions of ever hurting you. “Raise the stakes?” You hated that you were so naturally curious. Your heart was pounding incredibly hard in your chest. You could feel it in your throat.
He smiled down at his boots, trying his best to hide the sly nature of it from view. He knew that he had you on the hook now that you were asking questions. “Each time we pull the trigger,” he popped a single bullet into the barrel. “And the gun doesn’t go off, we take off an article of clothing.”
You hated him.
You also hated the fact that you couldn’t find it within yourself to truly hate him.
Your hands shook as you placed the lamp back down on the wooden table with a clatter, your eyes flickering back up to his. “And what happens once we’re naked, huh? Why not just say that you want to see me naked. You haven’t exactly been a gentleman this entire time.” Your voice was shaking, and he seemed to take advantage of the weak tremor. He knew that all he had to do was calm you down. Lay out the facts all nice and pretty for you so that you can finally make your decision.
“I do want to see you naked.” He didn’t miss a beat. He didn’t shy away from telling you the truth, because there would be no use in denying it. He had already confessed his feelings. He knew that you felt how stiff he was this morning, pressed up against your side. Tex might be a mass murderer, but he wasn’t a fuckin’ liar. There was very little that the blue eyed man hated more than a filthy liar. “But like I said. . . I think it’s about time that we cut the bullshit. I love chasing after you. We’ve got a fun little game goin’, the two of us.” He motioned between the two of you with the gun, his eyes twinkling as he looked at your face. “But I want you, and I know that you want me.” He took a step closer to you, and if you hadn’t already cornered yourself against the nightstand, then you would have taken a step back.
Your hand gripped tightly onto the edge of the table, eyes widening as he crossed the room so that he could stand in front of you. He was so close that your chests were touching. The bullets clattered against the wood behind you, but he kept the gun secure in his hand. “There’s just one bullet in the cylinder.” He assured you, angling the gun so that you could see.
Through all the niceties and gentle touches, you had never stopped reminding yourself that Tex was slightly insane. He had to be a little crazy to join Charlie. This was your first time seeing that part of him. His eyes were wild as they took in the scared expression on your face, almost like he was enjoying your fear. He liked the meek, meager little expression on your face and the way that you had cornered yourself. If only you knew the half of it. If only you knew how turned on he was just by your glassy eyes alone. He wanted to possess you, body and soul. If he could have hollowed out your bones and fit his way inside of them- he would have.
‘Surely,’ He thought as he looked down at you. ‘No one has ever loved anyone else quite as much as I love her.’
“Here, I’ll teach ya how to do it.” He wrapped an arm around your waist, causing you to jump. He could feel your little heart pounding against his side, and it reminded him of a little rabbit. Jumpy, terrified, but just as adorable. “You press this button to release the cylinder,” He demonstrated for you. “And then you spin it. Don’t worry about the bullet coming out. It’s in there snug.” And then he slapped the cylinder back in place, putting the gun in your shaky palm. His large, warm hand swallowed yours up whole as he raised your arm, rubbing your finger so that he could nudge it onto the trigger. “And then you squeeze the trigger.” He raised the gun and your arm up to the side of his head.
You could have vomited, the fear gripping you so hard that you found it hard to breathe. But there was this strange sensation- a heat pooling in your abdomen as you thought about where this all might lead. You could try to convince yourself that you wanted him to die all you wanted, but the gun against the man’s head was a terrifying sight. Being alone on this ranch would most likely have deadly consequences, but that wasn’t it. That wasn’t the reason why you were so terrified of him dying. The truth was entirely unwelcome: you liked him. God damn it, you actually liked him.
“I’ll go first.” He stated, not a hint of fear in his eyes. He looked at you hungrily, like he could devour you whole. He pressed his finger down on yours, and in turn you were steadily putting pressure on the trigger. You wanted to say no. Wanted to scream at him to stop and that you changed your mind. You couldn’t find your voice. Your tongue felt swollen in your mouth, your eyes glassy with unshed tears.
There was a heat pooling between your legs that you felt insanely guilty about.
Before you knew it the trigger had been pulled completely, a soft click echoing around the silent room. He smiled brightly at you, slowly removing his hand from yours. Your arm fell limply at your side, the gun still in your hand. He had just pulled the trigger and hadn’t even flinched. He could have died, and it would have been nobody else’s fault except for his, and he didn’t seem to care. The danger seemed to rile him up.
“Looks like I’m safe.” The jean button up shirt that he was wearing was the first article of clothing to come off. His long, nimble fingers made quick work with the buttons.
You watched as he slipped the faded blue fabric from off of his shoulders, revealing his lean body. His skin was golden from long hours spent outside in the California sun. No matter how skinny he appeared to be in his clothes, you could tell that he was surprisingly strong. The muscles in his arms and shoulders were on full display, his prominent v-line disappearing beneath his jeans. He was beautiful. Truly beautiful.
You hated him for that too.
The gun suddenly felt very heavy in your hand, and you remembered that it was now your turn to go. You brought the revolver up, twisting your hand this way and that to take a good look at it. You wanted to prolong this moment. You needed to calm your pounding heart or else you feared that it might stop all together. People could die from fear, right? You sucked in a breath, nearly jumping out of your skin when Tex made a small noise right across from you. It was a breathy sounding groan that felt so out of place during a moment like this. You let your eyes flicker up to his face, noticing his flushed cheeks and parted lips.
“That gun looks so pretty in your hands, honey.” He licked his lips, motioning towards the gun hurriedly. “Show it to me.” His voice was now barely above a whisper.
You felt confused yet again, his reactions coming across as unnatural. Here you were, standing before him with a loaded weapon, and he was moaning at the mere sight of you. “You’re crazy.” You whispered, your hand beginning to shake as you raised the gun a little more, nearly pointing it at him.
His lashes fluttered as he stared at your hand, taking his bottom lip between his teeth so that he could bite down on it. You nearly dropped the weapon when you watched him readjust himself in his jeans, your eyes widening as you finally realized that he was hard. He was actually getting off on all of this. You let your eyes drink in the sight of him for a few more seconds. You traced the shape of him through the pants, trying hard not to dwell on the fact that he appeared large, even through the cloth.
Slowly, never taking your eyes off of him, you did as you were taught. Your finger pressed against the cylinder release, gave it a good spin, and then slapped it back into place. Tex seemed tense as he watched the cylinder spin, but relaxed when he noticed something that your eyes didn’t. Your hand shook as you brought the gun to your head and pulled back the hammer.
“You're safe, baby. I wanna see you do it. Pull the trigger.”
You hated that you trusted him so implicitly. You squeezed down on the trigger, squeezing your eyes shut as your heart continued to pound away in your chest. The clicking sound echoed in your ears, your arm limply falling to your side as the damn near euphoric relief spread through you. It fizzled hot in your blood like champaign, setting every nerve ablaze. At the sight of your heaving chest Tex took a step closer to you, reaching out for the gun. He licked his lips hungrily as he stared at you, his eyes twinkling with mischief as he took in your relieved expression. The flush on your cheeks was adorable. He took the gun from your shocked form, giving you a few seconds to recuperate before he reminded you of the rules.
You just stood there staring at him, bubble gum lips parted as you sucked in air. You looked like a deer in headlights, and he wanted to devour you. The need to touch you, any part of you was overwhelming. It had been for weeks. Some nights he only pretended to sleep, just so that he could press himself against you. Feel the gentle rise and fall of your chest under his hand. He wanted to rip you to shreds only to put you back together again, piece by piece. Tex’s adams apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly, clenching his jaw as he tried to show restraint. You hadn’t turned him down yet. Not today at least. You wanted this. You were okay with this.
He had you and he was never going to lose you. He’d keep you locked up and tied down if he had to. And if you ever happened to get away from him, he’d find you. Ohh. . . he’d find you.
You jerked back in shock as you felt the cold barrel of the gun press against your belly, Tex using it to push the fabric up. You’d been too busy staring at him to remember the rules of the game. Now it was your turn to remove something.
“Off.” Was all he said, his eyes burning holes into your body.
You gripped the bottom of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head before tossing it onto the ground. You wanted to hide yourself away from him once you realized that you weren’t wearing a bra. You started to cover yourself up, but stopped as Tex merely shook his head. Don’t hide from me.
It was nothing he hadn’t already seen though. The pictures.
The reminder of them made your stomach tighten, the heat between your legs becoming more prominent. Your face heated up in shame as you finally gave in. You surrendered to the full truth of it all. You couldn’t hide or run from it any longer. There was no escaping it anymore.
Tex’s devotion turned you on. Tex’s obsession made you feel loved and taken care of and you wanted to fuck him. You’d been attracted to him this entire time, too blinded by your own fear to realize that you were fucked up enough to develop feelings. Maybe it was familial trauma. Maybe it was all of the bad dates you’d been subjected to. Or maybe it was just you. Either way, there it was. All out in the open for you. You weren’t nearly as insane as Tex. You were no killer. You didn’t have it in you to hurt a fly, but his hands were capable.
He was big and strong. He could protect you. He was begging to let you relinquish your control and let him look after you. You’d never been looked after in your life, and yet here he was, looking at you like you were the messiah. You watched those big, capable hands clench into fists as he took you in. He was trying not to touch you.
“As soon as you give me the word. . . i’m going to eat you alive.” Those blue eyes were pinning you down, narrowed and heavy and so full of adoration.
You could feel your slick already pooling in your underwear, your eyes fluttering closed for just a second as you tried to ground yourself. You had to stay steady. You had to play this game with him for just a little longer. He was practically vibrating with need and you wanted to test him. Wanted to see him fall apart before he absolutely destroyed the last bit of sanity you were clinging to.
He pressed the button, spun the cartridge all while watching it closely and then slammed it closed. He pressed the barrel right back up to his temple, pulling the trigger without flinching. Without blinking.
“Are ya gonna let me have it?” You couldn’t fully process what he was asking you, just that his accent was sexy and his voice was so deep that it was vibrating in his chest.
“H-Have what?” You licked your lips, not missing the way he followed your tongue with his eyes.
He might as well have already been inside of you. Your knees were already starting to buckle and he hadn’t even touched you yet.
“Your body,” He handed you the gun, pulling his already undone jeans off of his legs. “I already own your soul, but I want it all. I want ya so bad that I nearly came in my pants just seein’ your tits. So are ya gonna give it to me now, or are ya gonna make me wait longer? Cause I can’t take it anymore, darlin’. I can’t keep lovin’ ya the way that I do and not fuck ya.”
Your eyes flickered back down to his crotch, your mouth filling with saliva as you noticed how hard he was. You could make out the exact shape of him, his length uncomfortably trapped beneath his tight briefs. He was gorgeous. Absolutely perfect.
And you didn’t answer at first.
Instead you just played the game. You pressed the button. You spun the cartridge while he watched closely. You slammed it back in place and then you pressed it against your temple. “Let me touch you. Fuck. . . Please let me just touch you.” Click.
You tossed the gun onto the bed, unbuttoning your own bell bottoms and pulling them down and off of your legs. You kicked them away from you, nodding your head towards the gun so that he would feel inclined to continue himself. He was in disbelief. Not only were you playing along but you seemed to be liking it just as much as he was. How could someone be as perfect as you were? How could you be real? He scooped the gun back up, knowing that there was just one more thing he had left to take off.
“If I take these off, will you add them to your little collection?” His eyes flickered down to your panties. The pretty pink bow. The lacy red fabric. He turned his attention towards the other side of the bed, realizing that you must have seen every secret that he kept hidden in his room. This turned him on even more. His hips involuntarily jutted forward, meeting nothing but air.
“F-Fuck. . .” He didn’t have words. He wanted to tease you and make it harder on you, but he could barely function. He was beginning to get scared that if you did let him touch you, that he might hurt you. He might lose himself completely. Tex didn’t mind though. You owned him. He was all yours.
And so he went through the motions one last time. Button, spin, and shoot. He watched to make sure that he was safe from the bullet, pulling the trigger that one last time. He didn’t let go of the gun this time when he shrugged off his underwear, his cock springing loose. He watched you take him in. You drank in the sight of him, the poor thing practically throbbing with need. He was bigger than anyone else you’d ever been with, and a part of you worried whether or not you’ll actually be able to comfortably take him. His angry red tip was weeping with pre cum, his underwear slick and stained with it as he licked it away from him. That was all it took.
“Please.” And your voice sounded so small. So pathetic. So broken.
He lurched forward, his muscles already tense and ready to attack. His lips pressed against yours so hard that you thought that your top lip might be bleeding. The free hand that wasn’t holding the gun gripped the side of your head, holding you to him as he forced his tongue into your mouth, his teeth gently knocking against yours as he opened his mouth to absorb your shaky breaths. Your mouths moved in sync, his lips as pillow soft as you expected them to be. He smelled so good fresh out of the shower, his warm hands all over you, cold drops of hair falling onto your shoulders as he pressed your bare chests against one another. He couldn’t be close enough. You bit his bottom lip, your eyes fluttering open just so that you could see him only to find that he was already watching you with half lidded eyes. He moaned into your mouth as he realized that he had been caught. The guttural sound, the smell of him as well as the way that he tasted was enough to make you bite down harder on his lower lip, his hips jerking forward as he grunted in pain. You could taste blood.
His blood.
You licked that up to, hands gripping at anything you could reach.
You felt something press into the hem of your panties, shivering against the cold metal as he brought the gun down further and further. He pressed the barrel against your heat, rubbing and nudging, stimulating you. You gasped loudly as you became aware of the fact that he was touching you with the gun. He stopped his movement against your clit only for a second, using the gun to slip your panties to the side. You felt it now against your bare skin, sliding against your soaking core.
“You’re so wet… are you turned on by this, darlin’? Are you just as fucked up as I am?” All you could do was moan, letting him hug you tighter against him as he spoke into your hair. “I’m gonna fuck you and make you mine. Rub my cum all over you, that way everyone will know you belong to me.” You nodded, your cheek rubbing against his stumbled chin as you began working your hips against the gun.
“So needy. You wanna be filled, honey? Want me to fill you up?” You could feel the barrel of the gun stretching you as he pushed it further and further inside. He was fucking you with a gun.
This man was fucking you with a gun.
You mewled as you moved your hips, your legs buckling beneath you as he continued his attack. Again and again he pushed it up inside of you, watching your face intently as he held you closer against his chest. He held up most of your weight as you leaned into him. He loved seeing your soft features pinched, eyes pinched shut, hips moving against his hand in a desperate search for release. He needed you. Needed you now.
Inside inside inside.
He tossed the gun somewhere onto the bed, his hands shaking like a mad as he tore the panties down your lips. You heard the fabric tear in his haste, already crawling onto the bed in an attempt to have him in you. You couldn’t deny him anymore. You couldn’t stop yourself.
“Oh god, I love you.” He thrust in, not giving you even a second. Not letting you take him inch by inch. He was ripping you apart. Stretching you out. Molding him to the shape of his dick. You cried out, moving forward as if to get away from him. The pressure in your abdomen was insane. You could practically feel him in your stomach. Your attempts at escaping him only spurred him on more though, his hips slamming into you, making you take all of him. Forcing you to take it all.
And you wanted it. Every inch.
The pleasure and pain all blended into white hot passion. It was impossible to deny the chemistry between the two of you now. There was no getting rid of it anymore.
“I’m gonna fuck my cum so deep inside of you. Do you want me to get you pregnant? Fucking ruin you so that you’ll be stuck with me.” And you didn’t know why you were nodding but you were. He was just fucking into you so well, hitting that same spot inside of you again and again. The spot that had you seeing stars.
His hands moved up to your breasts, his touch so hot that he was practically scalding you. His fingers pinched at your nipples as he continued to point into you. The pleasure was too much. It felt too good. All of this had been building for weeks now. It was almost as though all of that had been foreplay. Every touch. Every heated stare. All of it.
“Say it. I wanna hear you tell me that you’re mine.” He was talking through clenched teeth now, still slamming into you. He yanked your head up by your throat, wanting to look in your eyes. Wanting to see your lovely lips shape the words.
“I-I’m yours!” His hips stuttered, his loud moan only spurring you on. “I’m yours Tex. All yours. Please- please!” You weren’t even sure what you were begging for. The pleasure was building though, ready to snap.
“Give it to me. Cum- I want to feel you milk my cock. That’s a good lil girl. Come on.”
It was at his urging that you let go. Almost on command. Your muscles tensed, your eyes rolled back, and you could barely breathe. You must have called out his name. Must have screamed because he was fucking you even harder, panting in your ear as he pressed you down further into the mattress.
“That’s it, honey. Keep sayin’ my name. I want everyone downstairs to hear. Fuck, don’t stop.” So you didn’t. He ripped the orgasm straight out of you, chasing his own like a madman.
He came with something akin to a roar, his sweat slick arm wrapping around your throat, cutting off your airway as he hugged you tighter to him. You could feel his length twitching inside of you. Pumping you full. Giving you every drop. He fucked you through it, pushing the cum in as deep as he could.
He stilled after a while, gathering himself for a second before he pulled out, resting his hand against the mattress as he climbed over you on top of the bed. He was still panting hard when you finally found enough strength to turn over and face him.
He was back to looking like an angel again.
Wet hair sticking to his sticky cheeks, lips red and kiss swollen, and eyes glassy. He looked at you like you were God. And to him you were.
Your love was like god. Wholly. Infinite.
And all his.
special special special thanks to my sweet lil sluts. once again, they assisted emotionally with this fic and even beta read a few chunks! I heard russian roulette with tex and here it is. . . @babylovepresley @powerofelvis @ggwritesstuff @woundmetender @eliseinmemphis @polksalademma @flwrs4aust @headfullofpresley @cryingabtab @austinbutlersbaby @lindszeppelin @rosaminny
@knoxvillesshoes@cosmorant@ol1viam@simply-sams-things@haim80s@gabbcabb@8hgel@slutt4him@busy-bee-angel-misska@kaitaesupremacy@dazedshoon @4rt3m1ss@cryingabtab@kittenlittle24@austinsrealgf@austinbutlersgirlfriend@clearbolts @dark-as-love@anni-secret-account-75@ab4eva@starcatchxr @julietamidala @obbsessivereader@gwuide@blurredcolour@the-little-red-haired-girl@meladollsims@poppet05@shrekstheloml@randomwriter888@idc123sworld@vane28282@mirandastuckinthe80s@girlblogger2002@rockerchick05@screechingstrawberrysong@simpforevery1@girlabirla@dre6ming@obetrolncocktails@fairyjanes@jensenswinchester@lo-bells @in-my-body-bag@fxntxsix@petrparkrslut@eliseinmemphis @lelifesaver @screaching-cookie@fantuhsise@areuirish @bcofl0ve@mslizziesblog@shynovelist@ssstrangersblog @harrysthecraic@hangmanswhore@jyvnho@mymamalife @melodydior
#austin butler fic#austin butler x reader#once upon a time in hollywood#austin!tex watson#Austin!tex x reader#dark Austin!tex x reader#dark!austintex x reader#cowboy!austin x reader
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Sept. 21 Saturday, While in our classroom waiting for our prof our former prof visited us😆.It's been like a month since I last saw him. The flutter in my heart that i thought that already died came back to life, I was so happy. He walked through the class talking to the students, he came closer, closer and closer till he's infront of my friends (I was seated behind their row) i was talking to my friends about my lost book (a story for another time😆). Well my friends are laughing at me cuz it's been months till I lost my book and they said why do I still think about it like why can't I forget about it, I replied " well it's an expensive book and I barely used it "(bought it too late) (well there's another reason why I can't forget about it tho hahahah😆).Nung asa harap na namin sya sabi ko sir book ko😭 Sir: "ano?" , Friends ko tawa ng tawa parin kase bungad ko ke sir yung book ko na nawawala. Sabi ng other friend ko na katabi ko: "Buhok daw sir" (ay nako katabi ko pa yan ah) Napahawak pa si sir sa buhok nya HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA (naninipis na kase buhok nya pero gwapo perin ayiieee😆😍) My other Friend infront said "libro nya daw sir🤣" while still laughing her ass off and sir said "wala pa ba book mo?, Sino kumuha nun?" (sir nakalimutan nyo ata na kayo mismo nag sabi na asa office yung book). Our prof for the afternoon arrived and he talked to the prof and exited the room, my friend said pinahanap mo pa si sir ah. I was like "he will not remember my book when he comes back" in my head. He came back and no book hahahahahha he entered the room and talked to our prof then exited again. While our prof was discussing I was busy in my own world computing, my classmates suddenly became rowdy like saying ayiieee I looked at where our prof is and saw him at the door talking to someone and i was like ok didn't pay much attention to it back to my paper but my friend said uy *bleep* book and i turned my attention again at the door focused my eyes and there it was my book peeking at the door😆 I stood up and merely went to the door infront of my classmates who are noisy saying ayiieee, took my book and said thank you but I don't think he heard me because our prof is talking to him hahahahah. I happily went back to my seat and saw my friends laughing at me hahahahahaha. After that back to discussion again, when the discussion ended early he came again and ofc my prof went to talk to him again after their talk he observed us and talked to the students while walking around, this time our prof already exited the classroom, while waiting for the attendance paper to come our way, saw him looking around so i acted aloof and cute hope he saw that not the ugly ones like pacute achichichu hahahahha. After writing my name at the attendance paper I hurriedly went to the back door and said bye sir(he never heard me again ik hahahaha) I looked at him before closing the door still talking to some students, while closing the door i looked away and saw him in my peripheral vision while talking to my friends that he looked at me closing the door I didn't meet his gaze he only saw my side view as i closed the door with a bang! Hahahahaha it was intentional😆. Hurriedly chased after my friends, at the long hallway facing the door to that classroom I looked back two times but never saw him again.
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July 15, 20124
haluuuuu. 678 mga beshie. happy monday. jusmiyooo bago ko umalis umaambon naaaa. pano naaa. hahahahaha. tapos ayun sinuong ang ambon. awooow. hahahha. mnprk parin. buti nalang may part na di basa at ambowning langs. hahahaha. ayun nag phone. nag crochet din. nakatapos ng pink 2 putotoy bodies. tapooos ayun umulaaan ng mga bandang 330. puntang shade. awooow. nag phone tapos nag crochet. nakatapos ng another pink 2 putotoy bodies. hehehehe. uwiaan. tambay saglit sa kwarto. nag dinner. yung paksiw at may adobo ulam. awooow. hahahahha. tapoos nagligpit. syempre nagbaon uleet. hahahaha. yung 1 saging, 2 ube yam hopia, suha. awooow. gutooom parin yaarn. hahahaha. balik din sa kwarto. laptop. nood. tambay. check ng kung anek anek. awooow. hahahaha. ayern langs. lablab.
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Your 6 and 7 haircut choices are my bullet to the head hahahahha I hated those hahahaha so funny. I don’t ever believe his mother did that to him WHO CUT HIS HAIR those days hahahahaha
🤭
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This stuff needs to reapplied you say? Oh how sad, see you in a few hours for more rubbing.
Hahahaha that’s adorable omg, I seriously imagined him all pink and red sulking and the reader applying him the sunscreen. That’s just to cute.
This was so good and cute. And the ending hahahahaha 💗💗💗💗💗💗 Feyd honey where is your hair? Hahahahha we know he would do anything and everything for his na-Baroness 💖
I wrote a post where Reader was more politically powerful than Feyd.
But now I'm thinking about the implications of that. What if that meant that Feyd was the one of the pairing who had to move planets? What parent, if they had the political capital to avoid it, would let their only child move to Geidi fucking Prime? It's dangerous there, and yes, being Na-Baroness would offer Reader some protections but half the time when the noble family are slaughtering their servants they are not even looking at them. Reader could be killed by a guard or citizen before they checked who they were.
So, for the time being, Feyd is moving to Reader's planet. The specific challenges would depend on what the planet was like exactly but I'm thinking warm with greenery.
Feyd being warned about the dangers of a sunburn, scoffing because he's so tough and getting one anyways and turning pink. Reader applies sunscreen for him.
Feyd isn't allowed in the gardens anymore because he's allergic to something, concluded he'd been poisoned and going nuclear.
Feyd going from being worshipped to being eyed fearfully all the time. That would be a huge adjustment.
Warriors on Reader's planet using a different type of sword so he can't really train with them. Only spar.
His black all leather look overheats at noon and he needs to wear something breezier. Possibly shirtless. There's more sunscreen involved. He claims he still doesn't know how it works and Reader needs to help him again. This stuff needs to reapplied you say? Oh how sad, see you in a few hours for more rubbing.
Obviously he has no concubines. He could have kept the harpies in his own house but he couldn’t bring them with him to his good father's house. He's a bit pent up. This just makes everyone else more nervous.
He's not allowed to murder people. Even if they annoy him. No, not even if they insult him to his face. No, Feyd, that's a child, you cannot kill her for offering to help you look for where you lost your hair.
#feyd rautha harkonnen#feyd rautha#feyd rautha x reader#feyd rautha Harkonnen x reader#dune x reader#so adorable
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Hi...
Its been month na ata since i did this na gantong blog i dunno feeling ko kasi ang tagal na e hehe dami din kasi talagang nangyari lately kahit gusto ko mag gawa ng ganto its just umuurong yung mga daliri ko para magtype sana. Dahil siguro sa mga nangyayari lang lately. And ayun nga nagkaron ulit ako ng lakas ng loob para gumawa ng ganito hehe so story time..
So i've been at ur place like the whole week yata. Although last week nandyan din naman ako but suddenly something happened pero naayos naman na natin yun. So this week was different from the other days na nandyan ako. Kasi usually puro lang tayo bebetime e HAHAHAHA but this time around nah. Its the opposite things. Kasi nga you started your ojt na this week e. So ayun sobrang hirap ng naging adjustment mo din talaga tapos may work ka pa. Kasi nagpunta ako dyan may work ka e actually sinundo lang talaga kita dyan sa work mo kasi umuwi din kayo agad e. And kinabukasan naman nun you have to go to your ojt naman. Imagine ojt ka sa umaga tapos work ka sa gabi. Ako aaminin ko di ko kakayanin yung ganun. Ilang oras lang itutulog mo e. Although medyo umayon din sayo yung panahon kasi nag holiday kaya wala kayo pasok. Kaya kahit papano ojt lang iisipin mo. Pero syempre di naman puro ganun na holiday. Siguro next week malamang sa malamang nyan back to normal na e. Kasi ngayon di ko alam di ka ata papasok kasi ano oras na nasa apartment ka pa din e. (*edited tumawag ka bandang 11 kasi wala pala kayo pasok kala ko naman di ka nagising sorry si oa lang talaga HAHAHAHA) anyways mabalik ako sa mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin sayo mahal. Wala naman im just worried ng slight? Kasi baka naapektuhan nyan yung health mo? But dont get me wrong okay? Kasi hanggat kaya ko gusto kong pagsilbihan ka pagkakauwi mo. I just dont know pag pareho na tayong busy pero rest asured mahal na i'll try pa din hehe sa ngayon kasi wala pa ko masyadong gawa kaya nakakakilos pa ko dyan e. And sorry minsan kung nakabusangot ako ganun lang talaga mukha ko HAHAHAHA iniisip ko kasi minsan eto nanaman po sya magsusungit nanaman po sya. Pero kahit ganun naman still mas nananaig yung pag aalala ko sayo yung thinking na pagod lang to sa araw nya ngayon kaya ganto to. I actually am happy din kapag si kwento ka sa araw mo sa mga pinag gagawa mo. Dun ko nalalaman how hard your day was sobrang daming gawa. Kaya iniintindi ko nalang pag nagsusungit ka. Sorry kung feeling mo minsan nagmamaktol ako its just my soft hearted side okay? Pero just know mahal na i totally understand you okay? Naiintindihan ko yung mga pinagdadaanan mo ngayon. Di lang talaga halata minsan HAHAHAHA hayaan mo mahal nagsisimula palang din naman kasi tayo e hehe. Basta nandito lang ako palagi okay? Hanggat kaya ko. Sana wag mo nalang din ako bawalan sa mga bagay na alam kong gawin para matulungan ka ha? Wag ka magagalit kung tutulungan kita kasi partners tayo e. At the end of the day tayong dalawa lang naman magtutulungan kasi. Tsaka one more thing pala no more hiwalayan na kasi aba naman katrina maria. Nakita ko na lahat sayo tapos iiwan mo pa din ako? Sampalin kaya kita? Eme HHAHHAHAHAHA basta alam ko naman na kahit sa sobrang sungit mo sakin alam ko namang mahal na mahal mo pa din ako e. Alam ko yan kasi sinabi sakin ni lods HAHAHAHA mahal na mahal kita palagi oki? Galingan mo lang sa mga ginagawa mo. Nandito lang ako para suportahan ka sa mga bagay bagay na ginagawa mo para kay td. Maano pa't balang araw e makakaahon ka din. Nasa likod mo lang ako palagi mahal. Iloveyou sooooooo much! P.S next time na magluto ako yung nasa bahay ka para makain agad natin hindi yung nasisira ayan sumakit tyan ko HAHAHAHAHA (naririnig ko yung desurb mo 🥲) mahal na mahal kita araw araw tsaka gabi gabi syempre! HAHAHAHHA abavyuuuuuu! ❤️❤️
Selfie muna bago iwan ng asawa kasi kakayod tapos pagdating sya naman kakayurin hoy HAHAHAHAHA cutie natin dyan e 🥹
Taga plantsa at taga laba ba hanap mo mahal? I got u always! 🫡
Isang oras ba naman mag ayos yan kaya laging late aydana 😂
Pinicturan ko mga pinamili mo kasi wala lang for photo documentation purposes only 😅
Breakfast now sakit tyan later 🤣🤣
Uwian ko na nyan kasi ayaw mo na ko dyan sa atlu bola!!!! 😭😭😭 si oa HAHAHAHAHA see u soonest mahal kooooo! ❤️❤️
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Hahahahha omg im living for the tea rn pls give us your tips and tricks on how to pull all these men <3 especially for us girlies who arent like suuper conventionally attractive
Oh please hahahaha its not like i was being swarmed by them. Only a few of them were just dating app hook ups but it was always w that in mind, no beating around the bush (ignore the double entendre here ha!!) other times its just ur in college and you go out and you meet people and sometimes there’s chemistry and you fuck! I’m not a seductress or anything like that hahahahaha
If you flirt tho, give them shit and be a little teasing. They like that for some reason, but i like giving people shit regardless hahahah
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SIQUIJOR 2023
May 17, 2023 (From left to right, Cambugahay Falls, Coco Grove Beach Resort, Kawayan Holiday Resort, Coco Grove Hotel)
I know, super late. But as I promised, I'll keep up! 🥹
Sharing with you my 2023 Summer ⛱
Welcome to the Philippines' mystic activities and magic capital,
S I Q U I J O R!!
Finally, trip made it out of the GC. Went to Siquijor with my long, love college friends. Super ganda ng place, huhu!
First day, adventure agad! Hahahahha ang saya ng naging experience. Kasi napunta kami sa kakilala ni PJ. Basta ang ganap don, for some reason wala kami bigla mapag stayan kasi yung place na dapat pupuntahan namin, Tagbalayon biglang walang kuryente hahahah rotating kasi ata (di ko na maalala ano nangyari non lol) tapos may fiesta don sa area ng kakilala ng parents ng friend kong si PJ, ang plan is makikain lang, yung ang bilin samin - na mag drop and mag visit don dahil nasabihan na rin ang owner nga na dadating kami, ang ending, dun na kami nag stay overnight. Sobrang shocking ng place!!!! 👻 (ems!)
Kasi, rich rich!!!! as in!!! pag pasok pa lang ng house yung mga vintage displays pa lang parang mas mahal sa life naming lahat hahaha then we found out na ex judge pala yung owner! Grabe. Shocked. To. The. Highest. Level. I don't know kung alam din ba ni PJ yun huhuhu kasi nirefer lang ng dad ni PJ, common friend ata nila basta ganun, lahat kami nagulat kasi yung mga bisita don ng owner ng house ay smells "OLD MONEY VIBES!" I swear. Dzai, eenglish only lang silang lahat don plus basta yung mga sasakyan na naka parada sa labas parang sa mga movies/series hahahaha! Yung mga seniors na tipong naka polo shirt na amoy golf yung hobby :((( tapos kasama mga trophy wives nila hahahahahah what an experience! Imagine yung house nila may guest rooms na parang hotel. Saktong sakto samin eh! Hahahahaha ewan kung plinano ba yun ng universe or naunder spell kami ni Siquijor. Char! We're very grateful!!! Ambait bait ng owner! Humble and very hospitable. Plus super sarap ng food nila huhu
(I can't find the pictures here sa macbook but nag papicture kami sa owner since nagpalit ako ng phone plus nasa hard drive yung original photos at nasa dati kong phone tong travel namin and yung mga copy. I can't upload tuloy)
Upper left photo, from left to right, Bel, Ella, Nicole, Loraine and PJ
Ang saya saya saya ng buong tour at ng stay namin! Weather is nice! Plus super duper food trip!!!! Basta kasama tong mga to, wala na kaming ginawa kundi kumain ng kumain. Hahahaha
Ang ganda ganda ng place. Will visit again here! I hope mas mura na mga foods lol kasi kami lang ata pinoy tourist don nung time na yan haha that's why foreigner level ang price ng food. Super ganda talaga and memorable. Ang saya mag travel with friends kasi dami dami nadidiscover sa isa't isa!! Maliit lang yung place, di crowded, ang ganda ng beaches, super nice ng locals. Babalik ako soon, pero di pa siguro agad, pero ang mahehelp ko is to brag it out to other people and convince them to visit this place!!!
Sobrang ganda, meron sa loob ko na gusto ko sya igatekeep and at the same time gusto ko din mag boom yung island/place nila. Ang ganda ganda kasi hindi pa gaano matao, medyo mahirap puntahan kasi malayo pero okay lang sobrang WORTH IT!
My heart is happy kasi nakapag bakasyon kami with friends. Afford na namin! Wow 😭 dati, hati hati pa kami sa benteng pamasahe makapunta lang kina Jolen at mag tambay sa house niya. Ngayon nakakapag out of town na. Thank you, universe!
So, saan naman next?????
Love,
Bel
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Second Sem naaaa
I am very thankful kasi nakapasa ako sa lahat ng subjects ko noong first sem ayun lang 50% uno, 50% dos HAHAHAHHA anyway okay na iyon kesa sa singko. Another realization na naman, just go with the flow, well, ayoko na ipilit ang mga bagay na tingin ko na hindi para sa akin o hindi pa naayon sa timing. Emz, sabi ko talaga mag-aaral na ako nang mabuti ngayong second sem, aminado naman ako na naging tamad nga ako.
Huhuhuhu, sana sa second sem pumasa ulit ako para makaragraduate ako na regular student pa rin HAHAHAHA.
Sa pasukan isa na talaga akong mysterious person na seryoso sa kanyang studies and uhaw sa self-growth, ayoko na pansinin ang mga tao sa paligid ko na wala namang ambag sa buhay ko, sure they can look at me and judge me pero buset sila hahahahaha, gusto ko na lang magfocus sa sarili ko, unti-unti na rin bumabalik ang mga dati kong interest at hobby kagaya ng pagbabasa at pagdradrawing.
Noong nakita ko yung mga grades ko eh parang wala lang sa akin yung mga dos, ewan ko ba, pero bigla ko nabanggit sa sarili ko na babawi na lang ako sa ECELE at ECTLE. Gusto ko na maging engineer huhuhuhu para 'yung mga bagay na hindi ko magawa ngayon dahil isa lamang ako na mahirap na estudyante ay magawa ko na.
Engr. cutieeeeee
Pasadong gradess cutieeeee
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Tito Ro & Taylor Swift & Relationshit Dialectics
Kahit lumpuhan Sabado, 3 AM na 'di pa rin ako makatulog ng mainam. Whyyyyyy?
Pinagod ko talaga sarili ko ng weekend, kasi tinitignan ko kung makakatulog na ako ng mainam para makabawi sa weekday grind. Tinodo ko na lahat and usually, sa Grab or bus, dead asleep na ako sa ganitong level ng kapaguran, but hell, no. As in tina-try kong matulog pero andami kong iniisip kahit pilitin kong hindi mag-overthink. Parang nababaliw na ako.
Actually, may parang pamahiin na 'pag nagigising ka raw ng 3 AM, may nagpaparamdam sa'yo. Also, dahil baliw ako, tumitingin pa ako sa salamin kasi gusto ko makita up close ulit nanay kong Taurus. Gusto ko pagalitan niya ako ulit. So far, maliban sa paramdam sa umaga at sa hapon, wala naman siyang 3 AM legit oka tokat moves. Tagal ma. Dali na. Subukan mo na tatag ko.
'Yung utak kong foggy ang daming gusto at 'di gusto. Syempre, line of work ko sabi nga ng dad ko, bawal bobo. Sabi ko naman, mag-resign na lang din ako agad. Tanga ko raw. Parati kasi mala-thesis defense at court hearings ang vibe sa mga ganaps pero, again, I'm not complaining. Tapos dagdag pa 'yung pag-grow ng team na organic, it's fantastic. UGH. LOL. Pero sige, I thrive kuno in negotiations. :D Hahahahha. Minsan nga, iniisip ko na lang mga dog breeds ang mga kausap ko para sure na compassionate ako kahit masungit talaga ako. Not to belittle anyone a. More of bringing the good vibes, kasi andaling magpaulan ng bomba kasi kaya ko naman din. Pero dalisay mala-Shirakawago canal tayo at gusto nating magpunta doon ng naka-postmodern ideally winter na parang Samurai X kaso baka mamatay ako sa lamig. Hahahahahaha. As a frail ferson na hypothermia ang most likely ang cause of death.
Anong pinaka highlight ng weekend na 'to? My soul sis' hubby na sobrang Tito as in thicccccccc Gen X is finally a Swiftie. Si Tito Ro, hipster, craft beer drinker and brewer, biker, at get this, solid sound engineer in Cali. HUHUHUHUHU. Kaya kung baga, 'di basta-basta. Saka sobrang old age niya. Fil-Jap siya pero doon na siya sa Hawaii na-born. Siguro, second time pa lang niya sa Pinas pero love na love na love niya Pinas.
Twice pa lang kami nakaupo three pero sobrang love na love na love namin ni soul sis si Tito Ro. Sabi niya nung first visit niya sa akin, he wants to eat fresh lumpia in Binondo. HAHAHAHAHHA. Strength ng Gen X 'yan, deep dive research. Impressive, in fairness. Kabado ako ma-meet si Tito Ro kasi nga English na contextual ang labanan tapos syempre, chikahan galore kami ng mga kabobohan ni soul sis as millennials. HAHAHAHHAHA.
So, ayun na nga. Very, very good 'yung Binondo trip namin. Kain sa Sincerity and lakad-lakad. Tapos sobrang nag-enjoy siya sa 168. Hahahaha. Para siyang bata sa Lego store ganun. Sabi ko sa soul sis ko, buti na lang talaga si Tito Ro naging asawa niya. Sa dami ng mga Taylor-inspired ex netong si soul sis, jusq, ako na 'di sumusuko, nag-let go, Jezzzazzz take the wheel na. And then, poof, Tito Ro came in the picture. HUHUHUHUHUHU. Syempre, si Tito Ro, 'di naman perfect pero solid na totoong tao and oks naman siya. Siguro plus points 'yung profile niya upon grey hat digital stalking na ginagawa ko lang din 'pag may special requests sa akin at kung may pake ako. HAHAHHAHA.
Second visit nila which is quite recent lang, Greenhills tapos BGC. Hahahaha. Bumili ng first parol nila sa house nila and tumingin ng mga replica shoes as a hypebeast si Tito Ro habang ina-assist ko sa pag-check nung photos nung shoes na gusto niya. As an OC, gulat na gulat siya e. HAHAHHA. Sabi ko pa: That's the magic of third world shit holes like Pinas. Everything is so cheap. Everything has a version. I don't buy counterfeit items, by choice; but, sabi nga ni Rich BFF, even Chinese rich people buy Hermes na Class A. Hahahahaha. Wais ba. Basta good quality.
Init na init ako the whole time pero hala, siya, sige. Enjoy na enjoy siya habang kami ni soul sis, todo chikahan ng Tagalog sa patuloy naming kabobohan to pay the bills.
We went to this underrated craft beer shop a go-to ko sa BGC. Gulat si Tito Ro kasi parang comparable na sa Cali levels 'yung beer. Not as good, but super up his alley. Syempre, may trust issues ako, so I probed. And probed. And probed. Legit naman comment niya. LOL. Gulat din si soul sis kasi bakit daw 'di ko man lang siya dinala doon nung nasa Pinas pa siya. Sabi ko naman 'di naman kami umiinom sa labad masyado saka gastos ng BGC. Tawanan kami.
Sa two visits na 'to, sabi ni Tito Ro, ampunin daw nila ako sa Cali kasi mas bagay daw ako doon. Tapos hahanapan nila ako ng match na legit. 'Di lang daw talaga niya sure if I'd go for an XY pero try daw niya best niya. Sabi ng soul sis ko, kahit ano pa basta pumunta lang daw muna ako doon. Napunta na kami sa may chances ako na makahanap ng work doon kasi nga nasa content industry ng matagal and credible si Tito Ro. Big enough naman daw house nila na kahit ilang months ako mag-stay doon. HAHAHAHHA. Me: Teka. Bakit andyan na tayo? Hahahaha. Umiinom lang tayo dito a. Walang ganun. Sabi ko kay soul sis, paki translate ng contextual English each line.
Nag-narrow eyes si Tito Ro, tapos inom-inom siya ng beer niya. HAHAHAHHA. Tapos tumawa. Sabi punta muna ako and subukan tapos if 'di ko vibe, uwi na lang ako. Okay. BYE. Mag-TNT na lang muna ako kaso hindi ko kasi dream ang States. Cali puwede pa. Dream din ni mother dragon 'yan. Pero, hyperinflation din kasi though gusto kong i-pet si Toto saka ang ganda ng bike destinations ni Tito Ro pero sure na laspagan szn po tayo simula pa lang. Hahahahaha. By the way, ang pusta ni Tito Ro, XY ang kakabagsakan ko. Si soul sis, XX. Bakit parang nasasakal na naman ako rn?
Etong si Ateng TS talaga ang full circle and full context in 5D ni Leslie A. Baxter na isang favorite theory and underlying framework ko sa content work ko. Tawag sa kanya is RELATIONSHIP DIALECTICS. I easily get bored kasi talaga even when Diliman is poppin' and poopin' sa comm res prowess. Hassle for me, kasi sobrang out of touch madalas. Saka pet peeve ko 'yung ayaw mag-widen bias in the name of the high horse called educational excellence. Perhaps, 'yung turn off ko sa Diliman is talagang theories talaga ang labanan at 'yung lang. Pati film classes na sana mas maganda na may film project using theories, deluge ng papers. HAHAHHAH. Weak. So weak. LOL. Maldita ko na naman pero kasi naman 'di ba??
Dati gusto kong maging prof ng digital comms sa Diliman pero wala na. Triple ekis na. Hindi madali for sure 'yung application process pero kasi it's giving Jurassic Park 90s version po talaga sa pagiisip. :p Sobrang meh ng progress, pivot and purpose. AYWAW. Totoo naman. Aminado sila diyan. Hahahaha. Inisip ko, kaya ko naman ilaban pero, I am choosing my battles na talaga. Doon na lang ako sa worthwhile kahit gapang lusak noh. Che. UUUUU-WE.
Ganun pala talaga 'pag dream turned reality. It comes with its dragons, demons and dungeons. I realized na yes, natupad ko wish ko pero idealistic nga talaga ako. Iba ang standards ko. SHEMAYYY. Yoko na talaga sa earth.
So, going back to relationship dialectics. Sobrang easy and practical netong paganaps ni Baxter kahit sabihing 'di pa super classics neto since 2000s lang siya naging proponent. LOL. Pero eto lang comeback ko: Plato's definition of love, Thomas Aquinas and phenomenlogy of love ni Manuel Dy. :D And, I thank you. HAHAHAHAHA. Bakit Sunday, g na g pa rin ako? Dapat downtime ko 'to e. Bakit 'di pa rin ako makalma? Bakit?
I won't deep dive on RD na kasi tatamad ako pero siguro, eto 'yung all about connections ke personal, work or in between na oxymoron. Moron na ox. Very dad joke na naman po tayo. Kidding aside, ang ganda kasing i-build and baklasin and i-bespoke ng framework na 'to. Plus, sobrang dali i-operationalize and optimize. Baka need ko na 'to i-integrate sa dating game ko. HAHAHAHAHA para naman maiba at makahanap ng mala Tito Ro or pwede rin Tita Ro version. Flexible naman ako. CHZ. Kasi, ang dali mag-mistake sa relationships na patungo sa relationshits and vice versa these days. Kung work ko nga, nagagawaan ko ng paraan kahit shemay mamiiii I cannot talaga at times, sige, subukan naman nating mag-move beyond work and friendships, family matters, dog matters and the like.
'Di pa rin ako pressured pero sabi nga nung travel bud na isa sa mga kasama ko nung weekend, tingin daw niya sa akin, kung gusto ko magka-lovelife, puwede. Pero need and want ko dapat. 'Di raw ubra 'yung mga galawan kong boredom princess. Hahahahahaha. Stress. Hahahahahahaha. 'Di ko na matandaan comeback ko. Kaya ko gusto kasama 'tong mga 'to kasi nahahataw akong mainam e. Lambast levels 1000000.
Side kwento: 'Yung mga digital nomads na 'to, related pala work namin. Akala ko lang IT security pero we speak the same language pala. Hahahaha. After years of puro daldalan ng outside work, tawang-tawa kami sa page title and meta description shizzzumzzz, atbp. Sabi ko, let's not go deeper na kasi gusto ko lang magka-life outside my 6 to 8 grind. LOL. Lipat na lang ba talaga ako sa team nila kaso magkaibang department kami. Hahahahhaha. Or baka mabatuhan ko sila ng sandamakmak na ad hoc at isumpa na nila ako. HAHAHHAHAH.
Okay. Back to errands. Salamat at umepekto ang Deep Sleep PL at nakapag-siesta ako. FINALLY. So kahit, 'di ako makatulog mainam mamaya, may bawi naman ako. Sana bumalik ako sa dating state ko na 8 solid hours ng sleep this quarter or Q1 2024. Need to deep dive how not to overthink and how to kalma. HAYYYYY. Hassle. Tumatanda na talaga yata ako.
Source to the quick doc kasi madalas ugh AI results. Eto naman optimized na 'di lang maganda UX. CHZ. Huy, bukas mo na reserve 'yang laban mo na 'yan. Sunday pa lang. Easy, Tiger.
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June 29, 2024
haluuu. ayuuun nagising ng mga 8 ata. huhuhaha. actually naalimpungatan ako around 630 ata pero balik tulog kasi antoook. hahaha. tapos nagphone lang till mga 9 something. tapoos akyat sa rooftop para maglaba. tapooos nagwalis sa kwarto, sa hagdan then nag mop na din. tapooos naglinis ng sandals. nagsampay. naglinis ng cr. wohooo. tapooos ayeern balik sa kwarto. awooow. pahinga. naglaptop. nood. tambay. nag lunch. painit lang pows. hehehe. nagligpit. balik din sa kwarto. awooow. shinooot yung sunflower coaster nasa maganda yung shoot ko. hehe. tapoos ayun naligooo. balik kwarto. shinoot naman yung bonnet na green kasi fresh na po tayo. yung coaster kasi di naman kasali mukha ko. hahahahaha. anyways. tambay muna. nood. mga around 320 alis din ng bahay. lakad pa mezza. sakay jeep pa qave, then lakad qave. theen jeep ulit pa centris naman. tapos ayuun naglakad pa disciple brew. pasoook lang din tapos nagpakilala ganern. nakita din si coach g binati. naghello dij sa iba. awooow. hahahaha. tapooos nag cr lang po muna kasi nawiwi ako. hahaha. tapos umupo sa isang table. nung una walang nakaupo dun kaya dun ako peroo biglang meron. hahahaha. anyways si christian yung nakasama ko sa table. tapoos nung nagdadag pa, nakasama namin sila coach g at coach may, umupo din pala saglit si coach bryan. perooo ayun nawala din si coach bryan kasi organizer din siya. hahahaha. anyways yung first activity namin ay yung pakilala and share a win. tapoos gulaat ako, pumasok sila emma at garry awooow enebee. small world. hahaha. anyways napunta sila sa table namin. tapos ayun tuloy lang ang sharing. next activity naman ay yung may pics na binigay at kukuha ng 3 cards na nagresonate at parang connected sa dream mo in life. ayeern. haha. kinuha ko yung may pa art, tapos parang alone, tapos yung magjowa. awooow. akalain mo nga naman. charooot. sharing lang din sa group yung reasons bakit yun, anong meron dun ganern. tapooos next activity naman ay magdraw nung naiisip dream. uhm. sa totoo lang walang kwents yung na drawing ko pero dinaan ko nalang sa explanation. hahahaha. anyways si coach may pala naka partner ko dito. tapoos ayun chika chika din while waiting for others to finish din. tapoos eto na si coach may, oorder daw ng hat ng top 10 niya e di shookt ako. hahahaha pero ready to accept the challenge. hahahahah. anyways sharing lang din sa group. after nun, nag pic pic lang kami sa labas. then chika pa konti. nakilala ko naman si katherine, nico, vien. hi hello lang din kay coach pia. awooow. hahahaha. nag pic pic lang din pala. grabee nag connect connect lang din talaga mga communities. hehhe. bumili din pala ako ng hazelnut cookie na 105. hahahha big deal, namumilubi na nga e. hahahaha. anyways, nag cr din pala ako then exit na din. hahahaha naglakad pa more sa mrt at nag elev, tawid then nag jeep pauwi hehehe. paguwi, naglaptop lang tambay, noood. inayos ko din yung itsura nung hat na magiging colors. lam mo naa, as a strategic. hahahahha. tapoos ayun tulugaaan na.
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