#hahaha totally not a vent post

[vinylfoxbooks]

James is a spiritual person and, when feeling anxious about their relationship with Regulus, they consult their tarot cards. They used them to gain courage to ask him out, to gain courage to kiss him the first time, etc.

For months, they've been using their tarot cards to ensure that Regulus does love them and he wouldn't react badly if they told him. One summer away from Hogwarts, with Regulus forever away in France and James up late at night, they consult the cards one more time.

They decide that they are sure, despite the cards giving them mixed messages this time and warning them not to be overbearing, that they want to tell him that they love him. They know they do. There's not a doubt about it. They've loved him for a month into their relationship, and it's going on a year now. They have to tell him.

So they text him in the middle of the night, a quick, "You don't have to say it back, but I need to tell you that I love you." And hope that their dear night-owl is asleep because he was telling them that they were exhausted earlier in the day. They immediately shut their phone off and force themself to go to sleep.

The next morning, they have a text waiting on their phone, just reading, "I love you too, you fucking idiot." And James feels like they could take on the world. But they also miss himself dearly and just want to hold and kiss their boyfriend.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

hi S ok you definitely dont have to answer this bc its basically just me venting and its pretty lame haha but im curious if its something you've ever dealt with or if u have advice... basically i have diagnosed ASD and marvel is my special interest and has been since i was a kid and im pretty positive its going to stay my favorite thing for the rest of my life lol. and sometimes i get so sooo sad and kinda lonely thinking about the fact that like .. i know its basically still one of the biggest fandoms out there but like all my favorite fics were posted like 5-10 years ago mostly from authors that arent even in the fandom anymore and theres never gonna be another movie with steve and bucky together that everyone gets excited about and wants to talk about and theres also just so much less of a fun goofy little tight knit community for stucky on tumblr and online like ... idk i just miss so bad when the mcu was at its peak and there was so much content to consume and so many people passionate about it... and i know theres definitely still a huge presence and like im so thankful that youre an author that i love thats still super active and im always glad to visit your page and to see that theres still so many fans out there that care and wanna interact yknow. but tumblrs different now and its been like ten years since peak stucky content and the actors are all doing their own thing now idk it just makes me sad 😩😩 i feel like such a loser saying it i swear i have other interests and an irl life that is very fruitful and lovely hahaha its just makes me a bit frustrated at my autism because i know i wont be able to ever really stop loving these characters even as others move on

Hey, sweets!

I understand what you mean and you're not a loser, not at all. It's fucking great to have an interest in something, anything--what else is life for? You gotta have something to be focused on and interested in that gives you joy, otherwise, what is there? Just blandness. And, yeah, Marvel fandom is still very much active and that's wonderful and great! But, it's also true that it will never be the same as it was in its heyday. Personally, I wasn't around when the stucky fandom was exploding along the release of CA:TWS/the general MCU height, but I certainly see all the old art, edits, cosplay, etc. that's still reblogged and I've read so many of the fics from years prior, so I have a grasp of what was happening. And I can totally see how you'd miss generally, but especially if your fixation has attached deeply to these characters.

I have a sibling on the autism spectrum (who's old enough to have been diagnosed with Aspergers's syndrome before that was phased out but they are, of course, on the spectrum regardless of arbitrary hierarchical labels that I will restrain from ranting about because I fucking hate that shit, don't talk to me about "high functioning" ugh) and they have a few different life-long hyperfixations as well. So, you're not alone, but, it is hard to think of any actual advice per se. I think you're already doing what you need to be doing, y'know? You're here and enjoying what is going on now, connecting to blogs that are active, finding space where you can talk about these characters, you've got other things to do that also capture your attention, and, of course, you know you're sad about what isn't going on anymore. It's okay to be sad. You can't control what you're passionate about in the same way you can't control who you fall in love with. Are these silly little fictional characters not just people we've fallen in love with a little or a lot, no matter if they don't "exist"? I love that for us. Humans are so cute and full of love.

Fandoms and people change and sometimes it fucking sucks when it happens, sometimes it's great. Either way, it's part of the ecosystem of life. Water and nutrients and air and sun--it makes people change, it makes them grow, and you're allowed to be sad about what they used to be, you just have to keep growing, too. Remember what they were and know who they are now.

Hopefully, something in there helped you feel better, even if it was just from telling someone how you feel.

[ofallthingsnasty]

Your last answer to another anon dropped so much lore!!!! im so invested in your ocs and reader characters(along with how you write Micah haha) its not even funny lol And it honestly made me sit down and try to figure out which of the reader characters( along with their kids) in 'capture kill' and 'through the briar' have it the worst💀 So I thought I would post my findings lmaoo

Bill Pros: Reader is actually allowed to go outside by themselves😱

Can yell at Bill and vent frustrations😂

Have a super sweet mother in law that will help you out as much as she can

Bill actually financially provides for you and your kids

Probably live in a pretty nice house

Cons: Can go outside but not without Bill making sure you smell like him, jealous old man smh -_- so lets hope you can walk afterwords💀

Deadbeat dad that is barely involved with the house work and raising the kids

Will not stop smoking near your kids

Reader is probably never allowed to say no when Bill wants some ass cause he sees her as property🥲

Poisons your sons with a bunch of toxic masculinity bleh

So I would give an 8/10 on how much it would suck to be married to Bill, would still choose him over Evan any day tho ( Evan is scarier in my opinion😭)

Evan Pros: Evan is an actually an involved father

Does love his son and raises him semi-well

Probably also live in a nice house( if you are even allowed out of the basement to see the rest of it)

Is pretty loving to the reader( unbearably so ugh)

Will help out with housework and keeping everything in order

Cons: Reader is never allowed to touch grass ever again

Will lose 'privileges' if she acts out 😬

Your son probably thinks its totally normal that mommy is kept in the basement, and is probably being taught that kidnapping your future partner is completely fine👌

I give an 9/10 on how much it would suck to be married to Evan, honestly being stuck with him sounds awful🥲 You are forever trapped and if you act out, you get punished, badly.

Micah Pros: He leaves reader in peace for extended periods of time so she doesn't have to deal with his bull that often

Reader can better protect her kids(especially her son or sons ugh imagine two or three mini Micahs running around🫠) from Micah's influence since he's gone for a lot of the time

If we are going with the canon, then reader only has to deal with Micah for a couple more years🙃

Cons: Reader and her kids are struggling financially cause Micah probably only gives her 10 bucks and a box of crackers to tie them over for the next month smh

Don't think he ever actually officially marries reader, he probably just pulled the good old 'you're mine now no take backs' move on reader lol

Micah doesn't really have much, if any form of affection for you(definitely doesn't love you💀 he cares more about his guns than you lmao) So don't expect him to treat the reader well just because she's the mother of his children.

Micah will be one of those mfs that demand his husband 'privileges' from you whenever he comes back home ugh

Probably live in the middle of nowhere in some run down cabin that Micah 'removed' the previous occupants from😶

Will poison your son or sons with toxic masculinity and with generally awful life lessons yikes

I give a 10/10 on how much it would suck to be married to Micah. Being stuck with this blonde bastard sounds like hell omg, please shoot him now John lol😭

After thorough research (lmao) In my opinion its a close match of who has it the worst between the reader that is stuck with Evan and the reader from 'through the briar'. So yeah I would choose Bill if I really had no other choice😓 But if you read this ridiculously long list hahaha, who do you think has it the worst?

Holy shit, anon... You SAT DOWN and ANALYZED who has it the worst between these two fics? I am actually speechless, this is such an honor omfg.

(Also lmao you're so funny "If we are going with the canon, then reader only has to deal with Micah for a couple more years🙃" and "Micah probably only gives her 10 bucks and a box of crackers to tie them over for the next month smh" I am cackling)

I think you're spot on, actually. Evan is really easy to underestimate but he's genuinely... not well when it comes to you. I think I mentioned it somewhere in an answer to an ask ages ago, but he actually has no issue with seriously hurting you for what he perceives to be "the greater good". That includes either taking a limb or shattering (and not properly mending) bone. Yes, he'll probably cry while he does it, will swear up and down that he hates doing this (and he does, he does) - but he has to do this. He's not the fun type of yandere. His little thing for you is kinda cute on the surface - until he has his first panic attack over you not answering your phone. (That is, if you two started dating 'the normal way'. Hah.) Personally, I think Micah is the worst out of the three, as well - simply because he has no issue with immediately resorting to violence. (And not with misguided motives like Evan, either.) Once he has you in a remote place and something isn't the way he wants it, I can actually see him getting physically abusive. We saw how he had no issue with shooting Maddy in Strawberry although she (probably) had hardly anything to do with that "unfinished business". I think running with Dutch kept him in check, reined him in. (He had to adhere to the rules of the gang, at least a little bit.) Another clue is Amos' letter to him - Amos being so scared for his family, his daughters, makes me think that Mister Bell is actually way worse than we've seen in the game. He already doesn't love you. You have your uses, yes, you're his - but fucking hell, you're a lot of fucking work, too. He has to keep you fed along with his brats and you're not even a pretty face to look at (to him. Now if we asked Arthur, that man would have married you immediately. But, as you know. Micah happened.) And maybe, that's the crux of this whole thing. There is no love here - there is with Evan and Bill. With them, if you were to completely give up one day, you'd have a (very controlled but) decent life, as far as the circumstances go. With Micah? Oh, you can try and try and try again, it will never be enough.

[hoghtastic]

I sent the post early on this page defending you against your ‘alter ego’ what absolute bullshit, you are the first page on ANY platform that responds intelligently and diplomatically and it’s been refreshing finding someone who actually has a normal outlook and also respects the fact that people want to vent! This fandom has always been to the extreme with stupidity and what they posted already is a testament how balanced your blog is. I was shaking in my boots when they told me off hahaha but I was pissed that they attacked you for no reason. I also said to them the have the power to post what asks they want to and by that meaning ignoring the posts that break the so called rules but of course they want attention and drama because let’s face it that’s all Alex fandom is about.

Carry on ma dear! You are the only light in this dark and boring as fuck Alex land 🤣♥️💋

Thank you so much for enjoying this little space of ours, and for your support, anon! 😊💖

Like I said before, I'm totally okay with there being more blogs. If anything, it gives people a broader view of the fandom and will help them formulate their own opinions. I'm also okay with people not enjoying this blog for any given reasons, as long as they are true. What I'm not okay with is people blatantly spreading lies, that's just foul play. But again, if lies are the only thing they have, then it says a lot about them, and nothing about me. I know how I've handled all answers so far and anyone can scroll through the blog and freely check them. 😊 I offer everyone honesty & respect, and that's how things will always be around here. Thank you for being there and making it fun to navigate this Alex-land! 😆💖

[beta-adjacent]

Actually, I’m not sure if the truth is an even funnier punchline so I’ll share that too. Yes, it’s true; I really have been meal planning this week. My question was intended to be funny…… but it wasn’t not genuine.

So uh. I started writing and realized maybe I do need someone to talk to hahaha…. ? So yeah, bit of a vent under the cut, but I think it’s still silly goofy enough to post

Hear me out.

It just happens that I‘ve needed to go grocery shopping for the last 3 weeks. I’m not the one in charge of that budget (or the transportation or the time or even the energy, but maybe I have more power than I thought because I was blamed for us not going this weekend? I can elaborate on that whole situation too if you want?? I don’t know how relevant that is to the story). But point is that I can’t go myself, not until at least this upcoming weekend. So, this week has been about getting creative with the food we do still have left. And the house just happens to have a shocking amount of pet food lying around, despite us not having pets and I’ve become a rather adventurous eater in the last few years.

So, I think all that considered, it was a pretty fair question to ask!! And to answer yours formally: I am ok, and while I haven’t actually attempted to season pet food yet, I am kind of considering it. Just as a backup backup backup plan, y’know?

Don’t get this twisted: we do have the money to go out and shop!!!!! It’s not like we’ve been eating takeout/fast food this whole time; we have plenty of delicious food in the pantry that we’ve had since we moved in, that we’ve finally started using now. It just sucks because that food in question requires more energy to make, like opening up cans without a can opener and cooking rice in a rice cooker (………which I say with equal parts comic sarcasm and authentic distress, haha. I’ve been trying to not beat myself up too hard for actually finding those difficult tasks right now. Especially the rice cooker, oh my god. It’s a whole Thing re: the dishes). We’ve been using my uni’s grocery benefits too because it’s just more accessible; I just can’t visit them until tomorrow afternoon. All the food left in the pantry is good still, like everyone in the house is capable of eating it, and that’s what’s really important. Lots of canned produce and noodles and stale snacks, which, no fuck you, I’m gonna make a quick PSA about this while I have the floor: if you have sensory issues with it, that’s totally fine, but sometimes stale/burnt/otherwise “bad” food tastes Far better than the “good” fresh version!!!!!!!! That is a hill I will die on!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I need a stale, dry cereal in my life. Usually when the milk has gone bad. But mostly because the texture is yummy too!!!!! Honey Nut Cheerios are kind of banger when they’re chewy

I cannot stress enough: we have all the ability and power and tools needed to make our lives easier in this sense, and we just have continually chosen to not take those opportunities. It’ll all be resolved eventually and NOTHING I’m writing is actually as bad as I’m portraying it. We have the money, we have good food in stock, we can easily survive Weeks without shopping still. I’m just a lil guy who’s hungry for food and knowledge, haha

Anyways, so yeah, if you’re affronted by this situation now, then definitely don’t ask me about my hair, or the dishes, or anything else regarding the basic needs in my life, bwahaha. I mean, you can, but you’ll get similar answers to this one

Anywaysssss,

pet food burgers! I’ve been thinking about it more, and I believe I could even get away with making meatballs with them too? That’d stretch pretty far with the pasta. OOH, and we have some flour somewhere!!!! Dumpling filling, anyone?? Ah, and meatloaf!!! We’ve got ketchup, and half a loaf of bread, and that’s like kind of all you need for meatloaf right? Guys, I think I’m really onto something here! Or I’m just hella hungry, bwahahaha. But no y’all, I could totally crush a Chopped episode where one of the ingredients is pet food; it’s a versatile protein source!!!

How bad can wet pet food actually be? I mean, you season that shit, fry it like a patty, serve it with some bread? That’s just some spam with the texture of canned tuna!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 305: Worst Intervention Ever

Previously on BnHA: Shinomori, whose name took me an entire week to memorize, was all, “nice to meet you Deku, I’m ten feet tall, do you want to know how I died?” and without waiting for an answer explained that he kicked it from old age at forty thanks to good ol’ OFA. Deku was all “wait a minute, then how come All Might, who’s fifty-five and is definitely dyeing his gray hair, is still alive?” First and Shino were all, “we really have no fucking clue but we think it’s cuz he’s quirkless, JUST LIKE YOU!” So basically, since quirkless people don’t exactly grow on trees these days, Deku is probably going to be the last user of OFA. The chapter ended with Nana being all, “psst, Deku, about my grandson. Uh, can you kill him?” which is sure to lead to a very interesting conversation this week.

Today on BnHA: Nana And The Gang are all “so, Deku, how can we put this delicately. The thing is, we’re pretty sure that AFO really fucked my grandson up, so on the off chance you can’t save him, how would you feel about, you know... [throat slitting gesture].” Deku is all “idk you guys, I kinda feel like he’s really just a traumatized child at heart and he’s in a lot of pain and stuff and so I should try to help him.” The Vestiges are all “BUT WHAT IF YOU CAN’T” and Deku is all “BUT I WANT TO TRY, DAMMIT” and the Vestiges are all “well when you put it that way, we, uh, were just testing you, so congrats, you passed!” The chapter ends with First being all, “ANYWAY SO WHY DON’T YOU TWO SHY BOYS STANDING OVER THERE IN THE SHADOWS COME SAY HELLO” before we CUT AWAY FOR ANOTHER WEEK, goddammit.

seriously, Nana

just... have you met Deku?? look, if you really want Tomura dead, just sic him on the U.A. first years and tell Shouto and Honenuki that it’s a training exercise

oh my god lmao

we’re too far away to see Nana’s face here so I will just assume that she turned and is staring DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA for this one line lmao. “I just wanted to clarify in case anyone felt inclined to take my dialogue out of context and spend an entire week complaining about it”

oh my god?! are you all purposely trying to make me sad??

someone stop me before I launch into an impromptu rant about all my Tomura feels. WHY IS NOBODY STOPPING ME. oh my god but yes, exactly. he’s just in pain all the time. this is exactly why I think Tomura has such high redemption potential even though so far he seems to lack so many of the redemption arc essentials such as feeling remorse, wanting to change, and taking responsibility for his actions. the reason why I’m willing to overlook all that in his case is because Tomura has essentially had zero agency his entire life. AFO molded him into a killer by making sure he was in constant mental agony, and making it so that the only thing that even slightly relieved that agony was killing peeps. like, please don’t think I’m making excuses for him or anything, but if you take a child and manipulate their existence to make it virtually impossible for that child to grow up as anything other than a killer, and basically never give him the chance to be anything else, then no shit he’s gonna be a killer?? he’s basically never had the choice not to be. it’s never been an option for him. anyways I feel like I am EXPLAINING MYSELF SO BADLY but nonetheless I am prepared to die on this hill

anyway so now Nana is all “that’s a rhetorical question btw because Our Hearts And Minds Are One so we can feel everything you feel bro.” so yeah, that’s interesting

now Banjou is getting started on the “let’s try and talk Deku out of wanting to save Tomura because it’s insane” part of their OFA Mystical Space Void Reunion agenda

look, Banjou, I feel you, I really do. you guys don’t think it’s realistic that Deku can defeat Tomura without killing him. so if it’s a choice between killing Tomura vs letting Deku and everyone else in the entire world die, then duh, you think Deku should kill him. I get it! and if this were a real life mass murderer I’d totally agree with you. but the problem is that this isn’t real life, this is a sympathetic shounen villain with a tragic past who might as well have FUTURE REDEMPTION ARC RECEIPIENT stamped on his forehead at this point

so First is all “look, there’s absolutely no doubt my brother has fucked this kid up good and proper by now”, which, again, fair

though, that’s kind of exactly my point though. everything that Tomura is, everything he’s done, he’s done because of AFO. AFO has so effectively shaped his personality and his worldview by this point that it’s all but impossible to penetrate that. he’s AFO’s puppet. but the problem is that rather than treating him like a victim, you all are treating him like a casualty. like he’s already a lost cause. but good luck trying to convince Deku of that

WHOA WHAT, RANDOM SUPER-IMPORTANT AND BIZARRELY UNRELATED EXPOSITION DROPPED IN JUST LIKE THAT??

way to still not reveal Sixth’s name, btw. THE PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW, DAMMIT. but also so this confirms something we basically already knew already, which is that not even AFO can steal OFA. it literally can’t be taken away by anyone unless the owner wills it. SO SUCK ON THAT AFO YOU EGG

(ETA: so I have no idea why this was omitted from this translation, but apparently the Sixth’s name was revealed as “En”, which is obviously not his full name but at least it’s something. also he most likely has a fire or smoke-related quirk based on the kanji used, 煙.)

so Banjou is saying that Deku’s “lack of an iron will” could be a disadvantage against AFO. hahaha what?? Midoriya “I’ll break all of my bones without blinking an eye just to protect someone” Izuku lacks an iron will? do tell

he says this is going to be a test of Deku’s determination. well yeah, no shit. but just not in the way you guys think

OH HELLO AGAIN

darker hair again here! but I don’t trust the contrast in these scans at all after last week. his coveralls are way darker than they looked before too, and you can clearly see he’s standing in the shadows now

(ETA: yep, once again the raw shows that his hair is considerably lighter than what’s shown in these scans here. although there’s no mistaking now that his hair is consistently being colored in this slightly darker shade, and it’s not just the lighting.)

anyways lol First was saying something about how AFO can’t steal OFA, and they’ve spent all this time cultivating it as the ultimate weapon against AFO, and blah blah blah. go on then, keep lecturing

NANA GODDAMMIT NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT

girl what?? you did everything in your power to protect your family, and AFO, fucked up man that he is, targeted them anyway. there is one person and one person only to blame for what’s happened to Tomura, and that potato-faced asshole needs a good kick in the balls

NANA GODDAMMIT DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE

SO HELP ME GOD!! I WILL GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG YOU’VE EVER HAD!! THAT IS A THREAT

so now Nana is all “I’m just going to call my grandson a Thing to ensure that fandom has only the freshest, grass-fed no-hormones-added discourse this week”

I don’t even need to drop into the tags to know exactly which specific people are going to respond to this, and what kind of posts they are going to write lmao. everyone’s all caught up in the “that thing”, and meanwhile I’m over here completely hung up on this “nay” that’s appeared out of NOWHERE you guys. look at that. she really said “NAY”

Nana, my love, my dearest, I feel you girl I really do. but he’s not an unforgivable manifestation of pure evil, Deku is exactly right actually, he’s a boy in pain. you guys need to stop questioning Deku’s shounen protagonist instincts here and just let him work his sparkly magic. “let’s try and convince Midoriya Fucking Izuku that he can’t save someone” is a plan that is NEVER going to turn out well you guys

“DEKU GODDAMMIT WHAT IF WE CAN’T SAVE HIM” lmao it’s like an intervention

“DAMMIT DEKU JUST ADMIT YOU HAVE A SAVING PEOPLE PROBLEM!”

RED ALERT IT’S ANOTHER CLOSE-UP OF THE BACK OF MISTER TWO BON CLAY’S HEAD OMG

(ETA: I was too distracted with freaking out about Two and Three to really appreciate how ridiculously handsome First looks in this panel. but on my second readthrough it stood out so much that I had to go back and add an extra bullet point just to talk about how hot he is. look at him. wtf.)

THAT IS DEFINITELY AN UNDERCUT. THE PLOT THICKENSSSS. also those are fucking exhaust vents on Mister Three’s neck. MISTER THREE COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE RELATED TO THE IIDAS, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR SECRETS I’M DYING OVER HERE

so now Deku is launching into what will undoubtedly be a “saving people problems require SAVING PEOPLE SOLUTIONS” heroic counter-speech!

I mean, they can already feel the “lol nah I’m gonna try and save him” feelings running through him lol. ~OuR hEaRtS aNd MiNdS aRe CoNnEcTeD~ and all that. this is just a formality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love a good shounen protag speech

oh wait hold up, do you mean to tell me that the whole “hearts and minds are connected” thing I was just mocking just a paragraph ago actually allowed Deku to feel what Tomura was feeling?? like literally feel it??

YET AGAIN these Tomura feels are pounding on my front door you guys?? they just will not quit?? people my house is already full of feels, does it look like I need you to sell me any more of them?? -- what do you mean, they’re free??

AW YISS THAT’S IT DEKU. THAT’S SOME GOOD SPEECH RIGHT THERE

I appreciate the contrast here between the Douchebag Triumvirate of Overhaul, Muscular, and Stain versus the Misguided Twosome of Gentle and La Brava. never let it be said that Deku doesn’t know the difference between a redeemable villain and an unredeemable one

OH NO -- OH MY GOD

someone please help me I need directions to the OFA Spooky Galactic Nebula Realm in this fictional Japanese manga land. it’s not on google maps. I need to give these two babies a big hug and wrap them up in a blanket and treat them to some McDonalds Happy Meals please help

other things: (1) ENDEAVOR CHILLING OUT IN DEKU’S “PEOPLE I HOLD DEAR” PANEL LMAO NEON DISCOURSE EXTRAVAGANZA, (2) “ONE FOR ALL IS A POWER TO SAVE, NOT TO KILL” I’M ABOUT TO CRY DEKU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO FEEL ALL THIS LOVE, (3) [SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] THERE’S YOUR MOTHERFUCKING IRON WILL!!!!!!!! -- I’m sorry, please don’t call security, I’ll be good

I just randomly remembered that Deku is still saying all of this in his muffled “FMMPHHMMPHMM” voice and I’m somehow cracking up lol. so actually it’s a very good thing Their Hearts And Minds Are Connected, otherwise they’d no doubt be all, “...what?”

(ETA: so I completely missed this on account of it literally not being visible in the scan at all, but in the raw you can clearly see Baby Kacchan and Baby Shouto fanboying over All Might in two of these panels, and excuse me, ma’am??

thank you very much Deku for including them in your montage, particularly since you’ve never seen Baby Shouto before lol. amazingly accurate image you managed to conjure up, all things considered.)

SDKFJLSKHG -- AS IF ON CUE???

HE’S SO ADORABLE HELP?? Trippy Space All Might looks like he’s about to cry, and First is all “don’t crack a smile... you have to be Firm and Serious here... dammit, don’t smile” omg

anyways! YOU GO DEKU. “MY QUIRK MY RULES, BITCHES” damn, son

KLJLKKHLG TRIPPY SPACE ALL MIGHT LITERALLY ACTUALLY IS CRYING ALL MIGHT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

“I JUST... [CLENCHES FIST] REALLY LOVE SAVING PEOPLE” FUCKING HELL LMAO THIS IS THE WORST INTERVENTION OF ALL TIME

Deku is literally all “sure, maybe I’ll have to kill him, but have you guys also considered, MAYBE NOT??” it’s no use Nana he’s too powerful

LMAO FIRST

“like I’ve been saying this whole time, you should definitely try saving Shigaraki Tomura.” “but, uh... First, didn’t you just -- ” “shut up”

(ETA: clearly it’s not just his brother who inherited those smooth-talking genes.)

so now Deku has turned back into a sixteen year old and his clothes have gone missing again. just OFA things

dskljdlsklgk

yes... sure... “testing” you...

HEY

FIRST OF ALL, DAMN YOU HORIKOSHI YOU MADE NANA CRY. even if I’m pretty sure they’re actually tears of happiness/relief. and SECOND OF ALL, “TELL MY BOYFRIEND I SAID HI” DJSKDLKJJL ANYWAY MAYBE GRAN, NANA, AND MR. SHIMURA WERE IN A THROUPLE

[SCREAMS]

WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE?? WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE!!!!!

(ETA: and two-to-one odds that we cut away to some other scene once they finally start to turn around next week. I’M CALLING IT NOW. giving myself a week to brace myself for the rage.)

fucking hell. well if anyone needs me I will be adding Horikoshi fucking Kouhei to the list of irredeemable villains, peace

[pussyhoundspock]

sorry can i vent about aos!spuhura? bc here's the thing: they didn't even COME CLOSE to the chemistry of tos! spock & uhura in "charlie x" when she sings a silly little song & he plays his little harp like the gay little band geeks they are

hahaha yeah i was frustrated with aos!spock/uhura too! to paraphrase @thylaa, aos@spuhura is like two ice queens whereas tos!spuhura they had a connection built on them both being incredibly empathetic people, which is just a very different vibe && results in very different relationships! i also have other issues with it mostly like frustration with how they kind of relegated uhura to the 'spock's girlfriend' role for the first two movies like just sticking her with a bunch of sexist tropes and like idk it was just frustrating to see that take over so much of uhura's storyline and plotlines. also like did not love what it implied/said about spock like the whole thing in 2009 when he doesn't assign her to the enterprise to avoid the appearance of favoritism which was in my opinion meant as, like, a clever way of shocking us with their relationship but which implies that spock is not only dating one of his students and hiding it but withholding her from advanced opportunities/advancement/placements that she is qualified for to hide the fact that he's dating his student and like. spock??? spock's doing that?? so a lot of the stuff that the relationship implied just like made the characters seem out of character to me!

this makes it sound like i dislike aos!spock/uhura which i totally don't! as anyone who knows me well knows. i love critiquing things i enjoy haha. i think im incapable of recommending a 'favorite show/movie/book' without listing the fifteen or so things i didn't think quite worked/landed/etc, so! i really do enjoy the aos reboot movie franchise and i enjoy spock and uhura's dynamic there even if i think it's REALLY different from their dynamic and basis for their tos friendship/connection!

oh and since i referenced kira in this post i'd be remiss without plugging scotty/uhura which almost works BETTER with their reboot characters than tos characters! like unlike spock scotty would be able to draw aos!uhura out and help her find her playfulness and fun! they would balance each other really nicely! whereas spock and uhura in aos just come across as too similar to really work in a relationship -- at least to me!

[charmikarma]

volume 1 time (part 1)

tyzias was so mad at me but as soon as stelsa shows up she's smiling. glad to see they're still in love or whatever

stelsa with punctuation is. an interesting choice??

weddings are canon in fs2. and hate weddings at that

i think so much about how tagora and galekh were originally intended to be matesprits and then they're kismeses instead. giggles

aw galekh looks so cute

finally someone appreciates my existence. all these bitches have been so mad about me being here so far

"No, it's not a sex thing" LMAO

why the FUCK is there a dead body

damn i got killed. time to redo that choice lol

wait just kidding. dying sent me here to the kanaya kinnie again [JOKE]

interestingly she's not voice acted

i think i forgot to say it when i mentioned the somewhere over the rainbow thing but i actually love her theme it's so vibes. so pleasant

as u can see in my prologue post i'm going the revolution route and this is a great point actually. interested in how they r gonna handle that

anyway she put me back where i was. thank you for not making me reread dialogue for dying studio june

didn't screenshot anything but apparently tagora killed that troll. wack

not a trial.... [just replayed hiveswap 2]

me when i offer to try to save him and he says fuckin THIS

this sure is an investigation like it's not the same level as hiveswap or ace attorney or what have you but i am indeed investigating. wowee i can even click on things in his room :3

i love tyzias's voice

sorry for no screenshots throughout the investigation there's not much interesting happening here

a fancy recooperacoon looking like THAT is really fuckin funny to me

we love a problem sleuth reference

galekh thinks tagora is cheating and. this reaction is very funny to me. i think part of it is the voice acting

...............okay? why are u acting sus dude

lmao alright dude

at long last i have a phone. time to stalk everyone's chittrs

raises eyebrow at elwurd replying to chixie's priv vent tweets... chix? fruits........

SO much happening on elwurd's chittr. she's on cull lists?? that's wild. chixie is probably chained to zebruh? ELWURD MISSES BRONYA... wild shit for real

fuck do those numbers mean. glad to see he's gone full revolutionary

i will absolutely be hitting marvus up if he's anything like he is in hvsp2

DID THEY KILL REMELE??

hahaha oh my god galekh totally thinks tagora is cheating on him with TYZIAS can you even imagine

ok honestly. i can see why he thinks that. if these are the interactions that are happening publicly. still funny

my god they really are just flirting in public constantly this is so funny

oh my god. shameless account hijacking... poor skylla

cridea <> trizza is really weird to me ... but i guess this trizza is acting more like someone who believes in lowblood rights so.. ????

oh and then two days later they become matesprits .. ok

i'm so confused man why is this remele

ok back to the investigation uh... in another post! (too many pictures.)

starting friendsim 2 and i can tell even from the menu screen that a hell of a lot of care went into this game. like it seems way more ambitious than friendsim or pesterquest were which fascinates me. i'm excited :3

[shijiujun]

[ENG] History3: Trapped Novel - Chapter Nine

Translation Masterpost can be found here

Disclaimer: Translations are entirely mine - these are not official translations and some phrases have been changed for better English interpretation so you’ll definitely see better/different translations elsewhere. Also keeping in mind when we translated this we aren’t exactly thinking about the style of writing and this translation is as close to the novel as we can make it XD So yes, some parts may be a little awkward to read. And yes some teeny weeny details and words may not turn up in the translation because the Chi to Eng mind acrobatics didn’t work out. If you see asterisks, scroll all the way to the bottom for notes!

Full chapter below the cut

Note: JFC I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS DAMN THING, BYE H3T NOVEL CRIES I DONT WANT TO BE PLAGUED BY THIS ANYMORE HAHAHA - Also give the masterpost a few hours, I need to update the new links with my new username ARGH - History3:Trapped novel translations are now COMPLETED (with the exception of terrible sex scenes).

This was a muchhhh longer chapter than usual (more than 30 pages) + gosh I have a lot of things to say about the sex scenes because they’re just totally not logical but never mind I’m glad to like be done with this hahaha. It’s dragged on for long enough!

---

Chapter Nine

Inside the abandoned warehouse

Chen Wen Hao and Tang Yi have their guns trained on each other, and at the same time, they are staring at Shao Fei in shock, who just said ‘Chen Wen Hao is your father’.

“Don’t panic, the evidence is in my pocket.”

Shao Fei holds up both his hands, and then slowly reaches into the pocket of his jacket with one, pulling out two pieces of paper folded together, and looks at Tang Yi and Chen Wen Hao.

“One of these is the birth certificate from the hospital, and the other is the note you wrote to Li Zhen-jie.”

Chen Wen Hao’s expression morphs entirely, and then he turns to his henchmen and says, “All of you go outside and wait for me.”

The men guarding Chen Wen Hao’s safety put down their guns and then head outside to the open space outside of the warehouse.

“The both of you put down your guns first, so you won’t regret in case you misfire, and then listen to me finish speaking, okay?”

Both men in confrontation with each other exchange looks, and then keep their weapons at the same time.

Shao Fei heaves a sigh of relief, and continues explaining, “I found these two things in Li Zhen-jie’s belongings, and I also went to Tang Yi’s adoptive father to confirm it. Tang Yi, you were born on 21st October 1990, and Chen Wen Hao, you began serving your sentence in February 1990, and when Li Zhen-jie went to visit you, the date was 17th May 1990.”

Realising what this means, Chen Wen Hao’s eyes go wide, and he mumbles, “It cannot be… this is impossible… Li Zhen told me she aborted our child, so it can’t be…”

In the third month of pregnancy, the mother will begin to feel nauseous and most due dates are calculated 266 days after confirmation of the pregnancy date, that means if Li Li Zhen was already pregnant before Chen Wen Hao entered prison, then the expected due date indeed would have fallen somewhere in October.

Chen Wen Hao rushes over suddenly, gripping at Shao Fei’s shirt collar tight, “Are you using this to make me spare Tang Yi because you knew Li Zhen visited me in jail before?”

Shao Fei is almost entirely breathless from the tight grip, but still continues with his answer, the closest thing to the truth after piecing all the clues together, “I don’t know what Li Zhen-jie said to you in jail when she met you, all I know is that after she visited you, she applied for a year long break, and this is unusual for a workaholic like her.”

“And after she returned to her post, she never once applied for long leaves and did not get married either, so there’s only one possibility left. Tang Yi, is yours and Li Zhen-jie’s son.”

“Son… I have a son… a son…” Chen Wen Hao repeats dumbly, loosening his grip on Shao Fei’s shirt collar.

As if juxtaposing Chen Wen Hao’s helplessness at this moment, Tang Yi seems as cold and calm as he always is, “So what if this is true?”

“Tang Yi, Li Zhen-jie may not be a good mother, but she was loving you in her own way. When you ran away from home when you were 12, she immediately went South to search for you, but still lost all clues of where you went.”

Tang Yi’s lips curve up in a sneer, “I only have three family members in this life. My adoptive mother, Tang-ye and Hong Ye. Everyone else are unrelated strangers to me.”

“Tang Yi…” Shao Fei softly calls his name, his heart aching as he looks at Tang Yi’s expression, trying to suppress the pain.

“Tang-ye is the most important person in my life, he is my father… and you, you’re only a murderer who took him away from my side!”

He says the word ‘murderer’ through gritted teeth, slides his gun out from his waist, and points it at the murderer he managed to draw out after four years. Seeing this, Shao Fei immediately puts himself in front of the gun.

“No, I didn’t kill him. I didn’t.”

Chen Wen Hao has not yet calmed from the emotions of guilt he is feeling, and then he looks at his son who’s pointing a gun at him, shocked.

“You’re lying!” Tang Yi looks at the man in front of him angrily. “I remember your face very clearly, you’re the one who killed Tang-ye, it’s you!”

“It’s true that I was there to look for Tang Guo Dong, because I wanted to question him, to ask him why he had to sabotage me like this? But I didn’t kill him. When I reached the scene I only saw him pass something to Li Zhen, and then there were two gunshots, and they fell to the ground, their blood spilling out…”

Chen Wen Hao has his face in his hands, filled with guilt and anguish.

“If you’re not the murderer then why are you trying to have me silenced? Why did you bring a gun there?”

“I’d only just witnessed them being shot and then I saw you, if it you were me, wouldn’t you take your gun out to defend yourself? As for that gun… yes, I wanted to kill him. These twenty years, I hanged on because of my hatred for Tang Guo Dong, and now you’re telling me, the person that I’ve wanted revenge on is not Tang Guo Dong’s bastard son, but my son? I don’t even know who I should vent my hatred on now, why did my life turn into this?”

“Are you done?” Tang Yi immediately unlocking the safety on his gun, and then to Shao Fei who is blocking his way, he snarls, “Get out of the way!”

The person in front of him does not move, however, raising his chin instead and staring at Tang Yi head-on, “If the murderer really is Chen Wen Hao, then why would he have stayed put after he killed them? Besides, even if he did have a reason to kill Tang Guo Dong, he definitely wouldn’t have killed Li Zhen-jie.”

“…”

At the flawless argument, even through his anger, Tang Yi finds himself frozen to the spot, before he finally lets his right hand, which is holding onto the gun, fall back to his side.

“Chen Wen Hao, I’m not taking your life (now), and when I find evidence to prove that you are the murderer, I will kill you myself!”

Once he’s done, he turns and leaves.

“Tang Yi!”

Shao Fei quickly chases after him, and attempts to hug him from the back to calm down the man whose emotions are teetering on the edge of a breakdown, but the other shakes him off, hard.

“Meng Shao Fei! You know how long I have been waiting for this day, why did you stop me? Why?”

“Because he’s not the murderer.”

“You!”

With his raised arm, the fist that is about to descend is retracted at the last moment, and instead lands heavily on the car engine’s top, the sound deafening. He then pushes away the Shao Fei who stopped him repeatedly previously, sitting in the driver’s seat and stepping on the accelerator, leaving the long-time abandoned warehouse at high speeds.

“Tang Yi…”

Shao Fei follows after him shakily, and can only watch the other drive away, standing in the same spot.

Tang household

The door is slowly pushed open to reveal a room shrouded in darkness. A man sits unmoving like a statue at the end of the bed, and with an aching heart, Shao Fei walks over, opening his arms to embrace the angry and anguished Tang Yi.

“I’m sorry… I know it’s hard for you to accept this…”

This is why when he discovered the truth, he was hesitant, because the truth would hurt the person he cares about the most.

“I don’t care if Chen Wen Hao is my biological father or not, only Tang-ye is the most important person in my life.”

“I know, so all the more we need to find the real murderer, right? Ah-“

Tang Yi pulls Shao Fei onto the bed with force, using his firm chest to cover Shao Fei’s back.

“If you don’t want this, push me away.”

The hot puff of breath coming straight from his throat comes into contact with a spot behind Shao Fei’s ear, and this is the last chance he’s giving his partner to flee from him.

Shao Fei is pressed face first on the bed, and he can even feel the other’s hardness at his butt, “I’m drenched in sweat all over, how about you let me go take a shower first… mmn…”

He’s flipped over and with his face turned up, Shao Fei looks at Tang Yi in a room that is not illuminated by any lights except for the moonlight.

Their breaths become increasingly harsh, and through their tightly pressed bodies, they can feel the other’s breaths and heartbeats with every rise of their chests.

Tang Yi supports his weight with a hand against the bed, and looks at the person lying down, “Push me away, or shall I continue? You pick one.”

The ends of Shao Fei’s mouth curve, and then he reaches up to grip at the man’s shirt, tugging him downwards until he’s right in front of him.

He answers, “Continue.”

—

“Tang Yi…”

Their tightly pressed lips slide across each other’s, the dryness turning wet with the saliva coming from the sides of the mouths, and Shao Fei never once realised that he had such an intense thirst for making love.

But perhaps he was wrong, because the other person wasn’t the person meant for him, and just like before, he never thought that one day, he would fall in love with another man. A man who’s built exactly like him.

“Sss… ha….”

Deeply inhaling after exhaling the carbon dioxide in the lobes of his lungs through the gaps between his teeth, he emits a sound left to everyone’s imaginations.

Tang Yi loosens the hands cupped around the sides of Shao Fei’s face, and gazes deeply at the eyes which have chased after him for the past four years, unwilling to give up.

“What’re you looking at me for?”

Shao Fei wants to flee, and yet cannot help but fall into himself that he sees (reflected) in Tang Yi’s eyes. How contradictory. Is this what loving someone else is like? It’s like holding a raw egg in the palm of his hands, afraid of losing grip if he holds on too lightly, but also afraid to crush it if he holds on too tightly. His heart is just like a dandelion floating in the air. It flies with the breeze from time to time, and lands without the help of the wind.

“Thankfully, I didn’t kill you then.”

He does not deny that there were a few times, Tang Yi wanted to make the cumbersome thing that was Shao Fei disappear with the simplest but also most violent way, and he is thankful to the him who decided to change his mind, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to have Meng Shao Fei in the future. At this moment, this is a Meng Shao Fei he cannot bear to let go.

Shao Fei’s mouth curves in a smile, and he compliments himself, “What a pity it would have been to kill me, you would have one less person to argue with you, and no one would point out your flaws right in your face, like I do!”

Tang Yi once again kisses the mouth that is still moving, but it’s different this time as the kiss is deeper, hotter.

“Hmm… Tang… Tang Yi…”

The tongue that slid into his mouth is exploring every inch and sensitive crevice, making sure that Shao Fei is filled with his own scent inside and out.

His competitive spirit is piqued, and Shao Fei unceremoniously returns the favour with equal fervour. His hands reach out towards Tang Yi’s back, and he tightens his hold behind the other’s neck. Pushing the tongue that’s marking its territory inside his mouth back into Tang Yi’s own mouth, he draws out the other man’s desire more passionately.

“Hnn…”

A satisfied moan sounds from his throat, akin to the purrs of a large-sized cat.

Changing the direction of their kiss endlessly, they don’t stop until they slowly run out of breath. Tang Yi’s smile is indulgent, his thumb swiping at the saliva stained on Shao Fei’s lips.

“I’ve underestimated you after all.”

Thinking that Tang Yi is praising the way he took initiative in the kiss earlier, Shao Fei smugly answers, “This is nothing, I’m like this, once I’ve decided on something, I definitely will get it.”

“No, what I mean is, I definitely underestimated you-“

Tang Yi grabs the wrist of the other’s dominant right hand and guides it to the lower half of his body until Shao Fei’s palm is pressed against the part of his body which has already hardened in reaction, before answering fully.

“-how much you tempt me.”

“…”

Because of this, Shao Fei’s ears turn red immediately, obviously visible on both sides of his face.

“What about you?”

“Don’t, don’t say anymore!”

He immediately curls backwards but is unable to avoid the palm that is already pressed against that spot between his legs, separated by the material of his light blue denim jeans. On the already hardened spot, Tang Yi rubs, his hand moving up and down.

“You’re hard too.”

Tang Yi’s tone reveals delight as he says this. Knowing that it is not only just his one-sided attraction to the man, Tang Yi grabs onto the hardened member under Shao Fei’s pants with pride, feeling Shao Fei’s thirst for him and also coming clean with how much he wants Shao Fei.

“Of course, it’d be weird if I wasn’t hard from our intense kiss earlier.”

Shao Fei turns his face away out of embarrassment at having his cock caressed like this under his jeans, but ends up revealing his red ears to Tang Yi. As a predator, just like a large feline creature, Tang Yi naturally is not willing to miss out on this opportunity, and so he opens his mouth and with his sharp teeth, he targets Shao Fei’s left ear, and bites down.

“A-hah!” Shao Fei startles at the pain, inadvertently making a pornographic sound.

A tongue delves into Shao Fei’s sensitive ear, and the wet sounds as Tang Yi licks at his skin causes his member to fully harden.

“Tang… Tang Yi…”

“Hmm?”

Tang Yi responds to the other’s soft call in a deep, nasal tone lazily, his sharp teeth rubbing against the soft spots of Shao Fei’s ear. This thrill, which he both anticipates and is afraid of, makes Shao Fei’s body shudder again and again.

“You… can’t be…” he swallows, then asks, testing the waters, “…thinking of topping me, can you?”

Sexual intercourse between two men means that one of them has to be on the receiving end, unlike sex between a male and a female, where the male is always the one driving the desire of the other.

“If not? You want to top me?” Tang Yi asks, laughing as he frees Shao Fei’s left ear from his teeth, and turning Shao Fei’s face towards himself.

“Who said that I must definitely be under you? I can-“

“Shh,” Tang Yi says, his eyes curved as he puts up a finger to Shao Fei’s lips.

“Of course I’ll be topping you, because I began loving you way before your confession on the hospital rooftop.”

“When?”

“The abandoned hut in the mountains, do you remember? The things you said to me.”

“Tang Yi, you genuinely want to leave the underworld and that’s why you’re trying to reform, right?”

“I’m using this as a ruse and pretending to go legal, but in actual fact I am-“

“My bad, I was too full of myself to just think you were like that… Tang Yi, I’m sorry!”

“…”

“Hey, I’ve already said so much, you should at least give me a response?”

“This is the first time I’ve seen a monkey capable of reflecting on himself.”

“Hey! Who’re you calling a monkey? I’m telling you, even if you are sincere in wanting to reform I will still be watching you. As long as you use any illegal methods, I will still arrest you and throw you into jail!”

“You’ll keep watching me?”

“Yes! Watching you! Using both my eyes to watch you!”

“Okay, then I’ll let you always, always, always watch me.”

“From then on, I realised that when I look at you, I experience a different kind of emotion.”

It was just that at that time, he still did not understand that this was a sign of a budding love quietly planting itself his heart.

“It was then,” Shao Fei looks at Tang Yi in disbelief.

He thought he was fated for a rejection after having loved Tang Yi first, and in the end, the person who fell in love first was actually Tang Yi.

“Okay! I admit defeat, I’ll let you top me.”

There is no winning or losing in love, there is only whether he is willing or not. And he is both willing and accepting of this.

“Don’t worry and give yourself to me, I definitely won’t disappoint you with my skills.”

—

“Ah…. Hah….”

Shao Fei sits at the head of the Super King bed, biting at his bottom as he watches Tang Yi, who has his face buried in the lower half of his body. The man is like a devout follower, crouching between his separated legs, which have long been divested of his jeans and underwear, thrown to the floor next to the bed. Just like how they do it in dramas, whenever sex happens, the floor is always littered with clothing items.

“If you’re uncomfortable, remember to tell me.”

After the reminder, Tang Yi once again buries his head between Shao Fei’s legs, gripping onto his upright member and using his tongue to lick at the sensitive head.

“Ahah…” Shao Fei opens his mouth and inhales at this.

He’s never had a girlfriend and could only ever use both his hands to satisfy his desires. Even though he has seen this image thousands of times, he has only been able to see this on several unsavoury sites. Who knew that when he is surrounded by someone’s mouth, the feeling would be this pleasurable. Being licked by a wet tongue triumphs over the satisfaction he feels when he masturbates by hand.

“Tang… Tang Yi…”

He can only call the other’s name repeatedly, just like a child who has just learnt to speak, his mind going increasingly hot, speechless.

“Hnn, mnn-hmm…”

Tang Yi retracts his tongue and then swallows the hard organ whole. Although Shao Fei’s size is not huge, it still fills up every crevice of his mouth.

“Ahah… oh god… oh god…”

His hardened member is suddenly engulfed by a hot and wet place and as it ventures deeper and deeper into the mouth, and because of Tang Yi’s gag reflex leading to the uncontrollable contractions of the throat, his red tip is being tightly squeezed. The pleasure rushes up suddenly from his groin, and he almost has an out-of-body experience from this.

His ten fingers are curled up in Tang Yi’s hair; he wants to push away the head that is making repeated bobbing motions, but is also unable to resist pressing the back of Tang Yi’s head forward whenever he moves downwards, all to get further into the deeper parts of his mouth.

The pressure on the back of Tang Yi’s head is too forceful, but Tang Yi resists his gag reflex from having this hard cock down his throat with only a furrow of his brows, as he continues to draw out Shao Fei’s pleasure.

“Ah… Ahah… Ahah….”

Not enough, it’s not enough!

He wants more, he wants it deeper, he wants to feel even greater pleasure!

His brain and loud thoughts drive Shao Fei’s body to lift up his waist and send his member into the deepest part of Tang Yi’s throat as he presses on the back of the other’s head.

“Mmhm-“

“Ahah… ahah… ah-“

The lines between Shao Fei’s eyebrows deepen as he gradually loses control over his movements. Tang Yi does not stop Shao Fei’s almost-violent motions until Shao Fei loses himself entirely in a thrust and shouts, a thick liquid spilling into his mouth.

Finally spent, his raised hips naturally drop back onto the bed in its original position, and the movement has his softened member sliding out of Tang Yi’s mouth after his release.

Tang Yi turns over, opening his mouth and coughing incessantly to expel the mixture of cum and saliva lodged deep in the back of his throat. It drips onto the floor next to he bed, sliding down Tang Yi’s mouth and jaw.

“Tang Yi! Tang Yi are you okay?”

After Shao Fei calms his harsh breaths, he finally realises how despicable his earlier actions were and immediately sits up. Feeling guilty, his arm goes around Tang Yi’s shoulder as he looks at the man he loves, hurting for him.

“Why didn’t you stop me?”

Tang Yi lifts his left arm and wipes away the traces of Shao Fei’s release left on his mouth and jaw, then seriously says, “As long as it’s something you want to do, I will not stop you.”

It doesn’t matter if it was Shao Fei’s relentless chase throughout the past four years, or his almost violent actions during sex.

“You! Damn it!”

Tightly clenched fists strike against the soft bed, and his heart lurches, biting at his lower lip. Then, Shao Fei hooks his hands around Tang Yi’s neck as they fall backwards, hard.

The bed makes a twinge of protest at the force of their weights.

Tang Yi stares at Shao Fei who’s trapped under him, waiting for the other to tell him why he’s acting like that.

“Tang Yi you listen to me! No matter how much I say it hurts later, you’re not allowed to stop. I want to use everything I have, and love you fully!”

The ends of Tang Yi’s mouth curve upwards, and then seductively he says, “If you dare to seduce me, then you must be responsible for putting out the fire.”

“Who’s scared of who? At most I will just ask for leave from the station tomorrow!”

“Meng Shao Fei…”

“What?”

“Remember to call in sick for a few more days.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m very certain that when you’re able to leave this bed, it’ll be at least two days later.”

“Fuck! Mmm-hmm-“

Tang Yi, I regret it already! Let me go!

Tang Yi!

—

“Remove your hands!” Tang Yi orders, glaring at Shao Fei who is using his hands to cover his face.

“I don’t want… it’s… hah…. it’s so embarrassing…”

His ankles are caught in Tang Yi’s hands, his legs spread wide and his butt lifted up as Tang Yi’s cock forcefully thrusts inwards, emitting wet sounds. Because this position allows him to clearly see this secret spot, a spot which his fingers have never come into contact with in the past 30 years, and yet it is this very same spot that is being driven hard into repeatedly by another man’s hardened cock.

“Ah… ah…. Tang Yi… you… don’t…. you’re too much… a…hah…”

Damn it! How is this guy’s stamina so good?

“Remove your hands!” Tang Yi frowns.

He likes seeing the way Shao Fei’s face is flushed red because of him, the expression he’s making as he is in trapped the depths of lovemaking, out of control.

“Ah-ah!”

Another deep thrust and Shao Fei cries out even louder than before.

“Meng Shao Fei!”

He warns in a low growl. On this planet, it is only this person who would dare to oppose him twice in a row.

“Ahah… jerk… Tang Yi you’re a fucking jerk-“

Shao Fei removes his hands from his face, and with what he thinks is a fierce gaze, he glares at the man who’s thrusting into his body. Tang Yi licks at the corner of his mouth and smiles, satisfied, “It’s a really nice expression, why would you hide it?”

His hips are aching and his legs hurt from the intense workout, and Shao Fei doesn’t know that what he thinks is a powerful frightening expression, looks like a tiny cat with its claws out to Tang Yi. Cute, and it makes Tang Yi want to bite him, hard. And so he does as he wishes, loosening the hold he has around Shao Fei’s ankles, letting both of Shao Fei’s legs fall back onto the bed, and then he lowers his body and bites hard on Shao Fei’s left nipple.

“Hmm… you… you bit me!!”

“Only you, Meng Shao Fei, would dare to let me repeat the same instruction thrice.”

With both hands on each side of Shao Fei’s waist, and different from the heavy and intense thrusts from earlier, Tang Yi settles into a slower rhythm. In this tightly filled channel, Tang Yi’s cock is well lubricated with the help of pre-cum left inside, and with the tip of his alarmingly-sized member, he unceremoniously strikes against Shao Fei’s prostate.

He drives Shao Fei’s pleasure towards the peak again and again, but before he can truly reach it, Tang Yi would retreat. Shao Fei, who is pressed under him, is just like that rock which is endlessly pushed by Hercules in Greek mythology as he is unable to obtain the highest pleasure from this.

“Hah… hah-ah… Tang Yi you… you… purposely… ha-ah, you purposely-“

“It’s so difficult to serve Officer Meng. If I fuck you too hard, you say you’re embarrassed, and now that I’m fucking you slowly, you say it’s not enough. Unless… this body, instead of me treating it gently, you wish for me to torture you mercilessly?”

“Shut… shut up…”

Absolutely not intending to admit that he does indeed want to be fucked hard, into his deepest parts, Shao Fei is almost driven insane by this slow friction. Biting at his lips and staring at the evil man, he curses him in the back of his mind, and then suddenly hugs his arms around Tang Yi’s neck, using a grappling technique to hook his legs behind Tang Yi’s back.

Tang Yi squints, looking at Shao Fei, who has attacked him with such a move.

“Damn it! Since you won’t move, I’ll move!”

With that said, he lifts his butt upwards and takes the initiative to ride Tang Yi’s cock with his soft entrance. Although it’s very tiring and almost impossible for him, it at least makes him feel good.

“Ha… ah…. ah…..”

Using his hole to rub against the hard member, Shao Fei finally finds the uncomfortable sensation being alleviated. But… it’s not enough…

“Ah-ah… Tang Yi… help me… hurry up and help me… It’s not… enough like this… ah…hah… it’s not enough….”

“Beg me.”

“I beg you, I beg…”

“Beg me to fuck you?”

“Yes… I can’t, I can’t take it anymore, hurry…. hurry up and fuck me, fuck me hard, ah-ah…”

Shao Fei shakes his head, scattering the hair strands on his forehead, stuck there by sweat.

Finally hearing the other man’s initiative, his hands lock around Shao Fei’s waist, and then Tang Yi thrusts heavily into the spot that will make Shao Fei cry out the loudest.

—

Having completed their intense lovemaking, both men lie on the bed on their sides facing each other.

“I can’t, I’m going to sleep first, goodnight,” Shao Fei yawns, and then shuts his eyes.

“Sleep then! Goodnight.”

Tang Yi looks at his lover’s face, and recalls what Tang-ye said to him before…

“Xiao Tang, one of these days there’ll be that person that will make you understand what a marvellous feeling it is to live a simple and normal life.”

At that time, he didn’t believe Lao Tang’s words at all. To him, being normal means allowing oneself to be bullied, and he does not want to be bullied anymore. Thus, he needs to become stronger, until no one dares to hinder his way and stop him from doing what he wants to do.

“Tang Yi! I’m chasing you for life!”

But there is indeed one such person, who stumbled his way into his tightly guarded heart, who said this to him standing on the hospital’s rooftop as he pointed at him.

“Tang Yi.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you give me a wish?”

“Okay.”

“I wish that I will be at your side for every birthday from now on, and with me around, you’ll no longer be alone.”

He thought it would be a lonely birthday, but instead he received a cake that made him so touched, a cake made personally by Shao Fei, even though it didn’t look very nice. And…

The third birthday wish, promising the rest of his life to Tang Yi.

“Lao Tang, I finally believe in what you said.”

Tang Yi’s mouth curves in a faint smile. He caresses at Shao Fei’s lips with his finger, and repeats what he said told Shao Fei before…

“Meng Shao Fei, you made my life so different. You made me experience warmth again, so I hope you live on well, for my sake.”

“Also, I love you. I really, really, love you.”

At a riverbank

“Why did you arrange to meet?” Yan Zheng Qiang asks, his back facing another person who is approaching from behind him.

“I just wanted to tell Sir that my previous mission is over.”

The man with red hair responds to the other person standing at the riverbank with a seemingly harmless smile on his face.  Yan Zheng Qiang turns, and considers Jack, who has delivered a USB into his hands.

“This includes all of Xing Tian Meng’s information, and also what you care about the most, Chen Wen Hao’s current list of deals and channels.”

“The information has been verified?”

“Of course.”

“You’re as good as expected, it’s not a waste of the station to hire you at high costs.”

Jack smiles and accepts the other’s compliment, then says, “Since this mission is already over, let’s talk about our next one, I believe Interpol will be very interested in this.”

“I’m listening.”

“Chen Wen Hao’s actual battle place, a complete set of information from Cambodia.”

Yan Zheng Qiang’s eyes narrows as he looks at Jack in disbelief, “These few years, despite having worked with the Cambodian government, we have been unable to penetrate this drug channel. Chen Wen Hao has planned everything well and has corrupted both the good and bad in the region, just you alone, you’ll be able to reach in?”

“If it’s just me, of course I wouldn’t have any solution, but it’s a different matter altogether if Chen Wen Hao personally invites me in.”

“For a mercenary who does as he’s paid, you’re actually giving up the interests laid out before your eyes?”

Jack shrugs and smiles, “It can’t be helped. Who asked me to have a liking for thrilling challenges, and I get more intrigued by things that are more difficult to obtain. Don’t worry, since I have taken the initiative to cooperate on this, the price is negotiable, as long as you deal with Xing Tian Meng for me, I will be able to help you infiltrate this channel. How’s that, are we good on this deal? Or not?”

Yan Zheng Qiang thinks about this for a bit, and then reaches out with his right hand, “Okay, we will be responsible for dealing with the aftermath of your leaving Xing Tian Meng, and I hope you will be able to give us more information of the drug trafficking deals in Southeast Asia.

Jack returns the handshake, and smiles, “No problem, sir, may our cooperation be pleasant.”

—

“If the murderer from four years ago is not Chen Wen Hao, then who is it?” Zhao Zi mumbles to himself dejectedly as he walks on the road, having just left work at the station.

“Shorty, is there gold on the floor? Aren’t you afraid of hitting something if you walk with your head down like that?”

Having just looked up, he sees Jack squatting at his doorstep, and who knows how long he has been waiting here?

“Why’re you here?”

Jack stands up, pinching at the other’s cheek, and teases, “I wanted to see you, so I came.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t have the mood to joke with you today.”

“I’m very serious, shorty…” Jack loosens the grip he has on the other’s cheek and his tone is suddenly somber, “if I can’t come and see you for a period of time, will you miss me?”

Frightened, Zhao Zi’s eyes go wide as he looks about his surroundings anxiously, “What did you do? Was it something illegal?”

“I can’t say and I don’t want to implicate you in this,” Jack shakes his head, his mouth curving up in a forced smile.

At this, Zhao Zi is even more certain that Jack has done something bad that he can be arrested for, and immediately takes out his keys to open the door without paying the person next to him any mind.

“You haven’t answered my question from earlier-“

Jack has only just opened his mouth and is immediately dragged into the house, the other covering his mouth, and as they walk, Zhao Zi says in a low voice, “Hey! Speak softer, what if you’re found out by someone else? Damn it, you still dare to come to me after having done something illegal, did you forget that I’m a police officer, and all my colleagues are policer officers? I can let you hide for a night, but tomorrow you have to leave first thing in the morning.”

“Pfft!!!”

Jack pulls down the palm covering his mouth and with a tug, he brings the man into his embrace and kisses at his cheek.

“Hurry up and answer me. If i left, would you miss me? And do you like me or not?”

Zhao Zi does not reply, and quietly closes the door with reddened ears.

Police station rooftop

Shi Da Pao sits on the rooftop of the station by himself, his mouth biting at a cigarette as he stares at the moon-less sky. Around his feet on the ground, several cigarette butts lay, and it’s apparent that he has been sitting here for a while now.

“Whoo…”

Another heavy exhale of white smoke leaves his mouth.

The wallet he has between his fingertips holds a photo of his daughter when she was younger, and every time he was tired at work he would open his wallet and look at it a few times, thinking about how he would be able to see her run to him happily when he get home, and with her arms raised, she would shout, “Daddy, a hug!”

No matter how much pressure he was under, everything was easily forgotten. His daughter is his power bank, always giving him power which is full of love and hope.

“Xiao Ya… Daddy is sorry, he is sorry…”

On the protective plastic cover over the photo, teardrops continue to fall one after the other.

He then wipes away the teardrops on the plastic film and shuts the wallet with the photo inside, and then throws the last cigarette onto the ground. He gets to his feet and uses the bottom of his shoe to stamp out the cigarette and then leaves the rooftop as a cool breeze blows over him.

He heads downstairs and walks into the floor with the label ‘Inspections Team’.

Tang household

“Good, good morning.”

Finally having the strength to leave the bed, Shao Fei sees Tang Yi who is already preparing breakfast when he walks into the kitchen, and immediately shifts his gaze, greeting Tang Yi awkwardly.

“Are you still okay?”

Tang Yi looks up and sees the other person who has one hand pressed at his waist as he pulls a chair at the dining table back and sits down, and Tang Yi’s mouth curves upwards.

“Great, I’m great, I’m totally reinvigorated and filled with energy- sss….”

Wanting to pretend that everything is fine, Shao Fei has only just straightened his back when that spot begins to throb, after having been put through the grinder the previous night.

“Officer Meng’s stamina is not bad.”

“Of course.”

“Then next time I don’t have to be considerate towards your body, and can do it until I’m satisfied.”

“What? You did it twice yesterday and you’re still not satisfied?”

With a red face, Shao Fei looks at the Xing Tian Meng leader in alarm, who after doing so many things to him, could not only carry him to the bathroom to clean him up, but also wake up bright and early in the morning to make breakfast.

Tang Yi’s smile deepens as he places the already made breakfast in front of his lover, and then opens the fridge to take out a coke, placing it on the table. Then, he pulls out a chair and sits down opposite Shao Fei.

“Tang Yi…”

Shao Fei observes the other’s reaction, and after hesitating for quite a while, he opens his mouth finally, “If you find the murderer before me, please hand him over to me, and don’t put me in a difficult position between my relationship and duty to my profession.”

If Tang Yi kills someone, then he will be a criminal who must face the punishment of law, and as a police officer enforcing said laws, Shao Fei will have to arrest him.

Tang Yi looks up and watches this man, who aside from his adoptive mother, Tang-ye and Hong Ye, is the fourth person whose life is more important than his own, and changes the topic, “Head to work after you’re done eating!”

“Tang Yi…”

Shao Fei wants to try and persuade him again, but he’s interrupted by a Jack who has just walked into the kitchen.

“Boss, we caught He Hang.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there.”

Tang Yi, in the moment he gets up and leaves the table, is immediately caught by the man seated opposite him.

“Leave it to the police!”

Looking at the other’s determined gaze, Tang Yi sighs, and removing Shao Fei’s hand, he says, “All i can promise you is to send him to you while he’s alive.”

“…”

Shao Fei watches as Jack and Tang Yi leave together, and then the phone he has in his pocket rings. The moment he picks up, he hears Zhao Zi’s panicked and rushed voice.

“Zhao Zi what is it? What? You said laoda turned himself in at the inspections team?”

Investigative Team Three

“Zhao Zi be clear, what do you mean by laoda turning himself in to the inspections team?”

Shao Fei asks Zhao Zi who is waiting at the door once he sees him, after having rushed from Tang Yi’s house back to the team with his foot stepping aggressively on the accelerator on his way back.

“I’m not sure either, but Jun Wei went to ask, and it seems like laoda admitted that he was secretly involved in the resale of drugs back to the underworld.”

“How is that possible? Why would laoda do that? What’s the motive? What motive does he have?”

“Could it have something to do with Xiao Ya’s surgery give years ago?”

After Zhao Zi says this, everyone descends into silence, and only Yu Qi asks, confused.

“What happened to Xiao Ya, what surgery?”

Zhao Zi looks at his junior and explains what happened five years ago, ‘You only joined the team last year so you don’t know, but Xiao Ya was really sick last time, and what was it…”

“Leukaemia,” Shao Fei continues where Zhao Zi left off. “At that time laoda was almost driven insane from desperation, and there were no matching bone marrows locally. Everyone on the team helped to check if they were matches, but none of us were suitable.”

Standing at the side, Jun Wei sighs, “After finding one for a year, just when everyone thought there was no hope left, laoda suddenly found a matching bone marrow from some other channel, and that’s how he saved Xiao Ya.”

“Could it be that laoda resold the drugs to the underworld because he needed the money to save Xiao Ya?”

Everyone’s expression is somber, silently agreeing with their junior’s deduction.

Then, the phone on the table rings, and Jun Wei rushes over to pick it up, but his face falls when he hears what the latest new update is.

“What is it?”

Jun Wei looks at Shao Fei who has walked over, and answers, “Top brass wants to open a large scale internal investigation, and that another member from the team is involved in the case.”

“Who?”

“Ah Zhi.”

Everyone immediately turns to look at the seat that originally belongs to Zhou Guan Zhi, and Shao Fei becomes uneasy.

“Zhao Zi, where’s Ah Zhi?”

“I haven’t seen him from just now onwards.”

“Go with me to find him at his house.”

“Okay.”

Shao Fei rushes out quickly after finishing what he said, and Zhao Zi swiftly follows, one hand clutched tight around his phone. Seeing her seniors leave so hurriedly, Yu Qi asks Jun Wei, dumbfounded, “First it’s laoda, and then it’s Ah Zhi-ge. We are police officers, right? Our job is to uphold justice, and go after criminals, right? Then why…”

The woman’s eyes go red and she is unable to say anymore. Jun Wei pats at her shoulder with a sigh, unsure how he can reassure the other as well.

Private club, inside a room

“I didn’t think you would come and beg me,” Si He Hui’s leader looks at the bills piled on the table in front of him and says, sarcastic.

Zhou Guan Zhi looks at Lao Ke, his palms sweating, “Ke-san, I know you have contacts, anywhere in Southeast Asia is fine, all I ask is that I am able to leave here as soon as possible.”

“You brought the team to ‘take care’ of me just a while ago, and now you’re begging me? Officer Zhou, you’re trying to fool me, is it?”

“Ke-san, we’ve known each other for more than a decade, and you know exactly how many times I’ve let you go in between, and besides…” Zhou Guan Zhi’s eyes darken, and he hints, “You still have some ‘items’ in my possession, and as long as you arrange for me to leave, I will make sure those things disappear from now onwards.”

Lao Ke side eyes the person sitting in front of him, and laughs, the sound cold, “If it wasn’t because you had no choice but to leave the team you wouldn’t even be here looking for me, so I’m afraid those things you have on me, you won’t be able to use them yourself.”

“You’re right, I won’t have any use for them, but Ke-san don’t forget, my colleagues are still eyeing Si He Hui’s every move, and I’m very sure they will be happy to receive these ‘things’.”

Lao Ke’s expression freezes immediately, and after a moment of hesitation, a smile returns to his face, “Let’s talk it out, let’s talk it out. Fine, I’ll help you this one, but the price…”

“Another 10,000 NTD, I will give after I’m on the boat.”

Zhou Guan Zhi takes out another 10,000 NTD from the backpack he has on him, then puts it back inside.

“No problem, the location and time I will let Officer Zhou know later.”

“Okay.”

After confirming his escape route, Zhou Guan Zhi opens the door and after checking his surroundings to make sure no one is following him, he then walks out of the room with his head down.

Inside the club, Chen Wen Hao is speaking to another man surnamed Wang as they walk out from another room.

“Xiao Wang, I’ll leave finding the person to you.”

“Chen-ye, leave it to me! I’m just very curious, is the person you’re looking for really so important?”

“Very important, and he’s not easy to find because I’ve never seen his face and only remember his back, and it is also an impression from four years ago. Just from these clues, asking you to help me is indeed trouble for you.”

“Chen-ye you stand on too much ceremony with me by saying that, don’t worry! Even if you give me just a single strand of his hair, I will be able to dig him up.”

“Good, then I’ll have to entrust you with this.”

Chen Wen Hao reaches out and somberly shakes the other’s hand. Right at this moment, however, the door to the room in front of them suddenly opens, and Chen Wen Hao casually looks at the other once. Just as he’s about to look away, that person suddenly pulls up the hood on his shirt, and then quickly leaves, his expression full of anxiety.

In that moment, the scene before him aligns with the hazy memory he has from four years ago. He points at the other man and orders, “Get him!”

“Yes.”

His two men rush over immediately from behind him, and restrain the hooded man on the ground.

Outside an apartment

Numerous members from Investigative Team One stand inside Zhou Guan Zhi’s apartment, and plenty of items are scattered all over the ground.

Shao Fei and Zhao Zi have only just reached the door, and before they can say a word, the officer standing outside the door stops them.

“I’m sorry, we are searching through the house right now, so the both of you cannot go in.”

Shao Fei looks at the other and asks, “A search? I’m from Team Three, can I ask what’s the situation right now?”

The man standing at the door side eyes these two officers who have turned up in a hurry, and answers, “Zhou Guan Zhi is suspected to be involved in a homicide case four years ago, and also a drug trafficking case. The warrant for his arrest is out.”

“Homicide? Which one?” Shao Fei persists.

“I’m sorry, due to confidentiality, we are unable to reveal much.”

Zhao Zi tugs at his good friend’s sleeve and says, “Ah Fei, we should leave here first and see if we can find Ah Zhi.”

“Mnn.”

As Shao Fei walks down the stairs, he thinks about what the person just said, and suddenly realises what the last piece of the puzzle of four years ago is…

Five years ago, laoda resold the drugs confiscated by the police because he urgently needed the money for Xiao Ya’s leukaemia treatment, and Zhou Guan Zhi was one of the people involved.

Four years ago, Tang Guo Dong who had begun reforming Xing Tian Meng met up with Li Zhen-jie, and according to what Chen Wen Hao said, Tang Guo Dong once handed over a package to Li Zhen-jie, but after the homicide happened, that package was taken away by the shooter.

And now, Zhou Guan Zhi is involved in a homicide that happened four years ago, and this is related to drug trafficking.

It can’t be-

“I know who the murderer from four years ago is!” Shao Fei shouts at Zhao Zi who’s standing in the stairwell, his feet coming to a stop.

“What? Ah Fei you know?”

“Zhao Zi, I’m going to go find Tang Yi, you hurry head to the station and get some people over, hurry! Any later and we won’t make it!”

“What do you mean by we won’t make it? Ah Fei! Ah Fei!”

With that said, and not caring about Zhao Zi’s calls, he immediately rushes down the stairs. He opens the door to the car he parked in the alleyway and sits in the driver’s seat.

“Tang Yi, you must not do anything foolish!”

Inside the speeding car, Shao Fei frowns as he holds onto the steering wheel, then steps harder on the gas pedal, quickly driving towards Tang Yi’s house.

Tang household

“Tang Yi!”

Shao Fei pushes aside the Xing Tian Meng lackeys that are blocking his way to the living room, and once he goes in, he sees Zhou Guan Zhi with his hands tied behind his back, his face bloodied as he kneels on the ground. In front of him on the table, a picture of Tang Guo Dong and a gun is placed there.

Tang Yi stands next to the table and glares at Tang Guo Dong’s murderer in anger from a higher angle, and then reveals a cruel smirk. His fingers are dripping with Zhou Guan Zhi’s blood.

“Ah Fei! Save me! I beg you please save me!” Zhou Guan Zhi hollers anxiously, seeing that the person who walked in is someone familiar, as if this is his only chance of survival.

“You still don’t intend to tell me the truth? Good, since this mouth is of no use, I shall knock out your teeth one by one.”

Tang Yi cracks his knuckles, the sound of his bones interlocking echoing.

“Tang Yi…”

Shao Fei walks until he’s in front of this man, whose murderous intent is apparent. Looking into his eyes, he tries to calm the person whose emotions are out of control down.

“If you kill him right now, we’ll never know the truth! You let me bring him back to the station to investigate, and I promise I’ll give you the truth back from four years ago.”

“The truth?” Tang Yi sneers, and says, “I don’t need to know the truth, all I need to know is that this is the person who killed Tang-ye and that is enough!”

Shao Fei sighs as he turns around and walks to Zhou Guan Zhi, and from start to end says what he found out.

“Ah Zhi-ge, I already know that the people who released the confiscated drugs from the station is you and laoda. Li Zhen-jie, who has always hated drugs, must have found out about this and so cooperated with Tang Guo Dong to find the internal mole in the station, but they would never have thought that the people she was looking for were the both of you.”

“…”

Zhou Guan Zhi glares at Shao Fei, who has deduced most of what happened, his entire body trembling.

“I just don’t understand, laoda did it to raise the funds needed for Xiao Ya’s medical fees, then what did you do it for? That you needed such a huge sum of money?”

“Gambling debts…”

Shao Fei inhales sharply, his eyes reddening as he looks at his colleague, who he has gone through so much with, and then asks, “Then why did you kill Li Zhen-jie and Tang Guo Dong?”

“I… I didn’t… I didn’t…” the person who still refuses to tell the truth shakes his head vehemently.

Tang Yi picks up the gun on the table and presses it against Zhou Guan Zhi’s forehead, then unlocks the safety. As long as Tang Yi’s index finger moves on the trigger, he will turn into a cold corpse. In the face of the threat of death, Zhou Guan Zhi sobs and yells at the only person who can save him now, Shao Fei, as if mad.

“Yes! It was me! It was me! He Hang told me it was Li Li Zhen and Tang Guo Dong who were cooperating to investigate the people in the station, and he said I would be done for, so I… Ah Fei… please bring me back to the station… I beg you… I don’t want to die here, I really don’t want to die… Ah Fei…”

“Tang Yi, let me bring him back.”

Shao Fei looks at the man, who has blood and tears all over his face, with both disgust and anger. He heads over to Tang Yi’s side and reaches out to press down on the muzzle of the gun pointed at Zhou Guan Zhi’s forehead. 

Even though he knows the truth, Shao Fei can barely resist the urge to beat up this man, who he once thought of to be his brother, but as a police officer he has to stick to his duties and the law. This is a line he will not compromise on.

“These four years, all I’ve been thinking of everyday is how to take revenge for Tang-ye!”

“But I can’t watch you kill someone in front of my eyes.”

“Then arrest me!”

Bam!

The sound of a gun firing shocks the three people present in the living room.

Blood drips down his fingertips onto the floor incessantly.

“Don’t.. don’t kill others…”

Shao Fei, who pushed Zhou Guan Zhi aside and dived towards the gun, says weakly as he looks at the man who is holding onto him tightly.

“Why did you have to stop me like this….”

Tears fall uncontrollably onto Shao Fei’s face.

“As long as I can stop you from killing others, I.. it doesn’t matter….”

Wanting to use his usual tone and smile to chase away the shadows cast over the other’s heart at present, Shao Fei is unable to even lift up an arm to wipe away his lover’s tears.

“Meng Shao Fei, you’re the stupidest police officer I’ve ever seen.”

“And that’s why I fell in love with you, is that not?”

Those pale lips curve indulgently, and he turns his head a little, wanting to see the other man’s expression more clearly, but he pulls at the bleeding wound on his right chest.

“Don’t move.”

Tang Yi uses a hand and presses at the gunshot wound, applying pressure to slow down the flow of blood, and at the same time uses his bloodied hand to make a call as he says anxiously, “I need an ambulance here, someone was shot.”

“Meng Shao Fei, you better live on well.”

Shao Fei’s heart cannot bear to see Tang Yi’s tears as they fall continuously onto his face, and looking at the man who has said this through gritted teeth in a threatening tone, it’s as if they have gone back to the days of their first meeting.

That stoic, expressionless Xing Tian Meng leader that no one dares to approach-

-Tang Yi.

[inkykeiji]

Unpopular opinion

People shouldn’t put their beef/arguments on social media. Not everything on social media needs to be posted

👹 Anon

no no, i agree with you.

i don’t really think it’s necessary; things like that can be handled maturely and privately you know??? you don’t always have to air it all out for the whole world to see. i find it’s healthier and more beneficial to handle situations like that in private and just move on; a lot of the time putting it out on social media just aggravates the situation and makes it bigger/worse you know???

at the same time, i can understand why it may appeal to others. as humans, we are always looking for others to share our emotions with, both good and bad. and that’s important!!! we need support from our friends/family; people often want to share their achievements and celebrate with those closest to them, and just as often feel like they want to vent or ask for advice from them, too. sometimes, in a fit of blind rage or when they are deeply hurt, they turn towards social media to fill that need. i still don’t think it’s a good idea, all i’m saying is i can see it from the other side as well; i can see why it ends up happening. then there’s people who just genuinely enjoy stirring up drama :/ those people i will never understand hahaha

BUT ANON, WHERE DID THIS COME FROM LMAO??????? is there a beef happening rn that i’m totally unaware of??? i’m so removed from everything over here in my lil corner on tumblr hehe <3

ARE YOU CLAIMING THAT EMOJI MY FRIEND????? if you are, welcome to the anon club!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 <33

[itsbeenclaireified]

have you done anymore house projects? we haven’t seen any pics for a while

Funny you should ask! Yesterday I had some posts replaced in my yard.

Wow! Such a big change!

Oh I know, it’s small hahaha. Which is what makes the fact that each post cost $300 to replace (4 total). So it’s one of those stupid expenses that had to be done.

The fence thing was also my introduction to my nosy neighbors: a month ago my 70 something neighbor came to my front door to tell me my fence was leaning into MY yard. Which was nice to do. Flash forward to this past Saturday when he stopped by AGAIN to tell me AGAIN that it was still leaning and I really should do something about it. And so I had to explain to him that I actually did have someone coming, but the fence guys were actually fully booked and so they were going to see where they could fit me in. So no, he didn’t need to tie my fence back with a rope?

Again, in theory nice but it felt pressure-y and also he kept saying things like “well I know it’s just you here” and it felt like he was really saying “I know you’re an idiot youth that doesn’t know how to fix things”. And we can all acknowledge that is probably not what he met, but also he didn’t need to remind me my fence was leaning and imply it was worse.

Other than that my arm is still sore from clinging to my roof to remove a mouse from the vent that’s been there since last year. Prepare yourself for the photo:

It wasn’t super high up (it’s the first vent above the center window” but let me tell you being on your roof when you’re afraid of heights and it’s recently frosted that morning and so you’re sliding the whole time your brother supports the ladder one handed and your mom calls up to you with “why are you nervous? I used to play on my roof as a kid all the time”

And I would be shaking slightly clinging to the vent and all I could say was “it’s just high”, and then when I finally on the ground again she was like “wait the frost probably made the roof slippery right?” And I was just like no shit.

So that’s the update. Nothing fun and aesthetic yet. I’m hoping to get my year end bonus in the next couple weeks and then that money can be plugged into buying an arm chair…maybe a couch. But who knows what it will be yet and what I’ll prioritize. Maybe I’ll just feel broke after dropping $1.2K on some posts so my fence is structurally sound lol

[onlyhereforangst]

2020 IN WRITING

tagged by @indestinatus 💕

tagging whoever wants to go thru this journey with me & see their accomplishments in this terrible terrible year!

1. List of works published this year:

Oh god there’s a lot, like 70 total in just 2020. I’ll try to categorize them so this doesn’t get too long 😅but here’s a cut for aesthetic on your dash.

Sequels/Partner Fics: Risk It All (for @hellokaelyn), Finally Home (to Come Back), They Always Do & Could She?, Lucky Day & Completely Yours, Fiery Trance (Two Can Play series), Obsessed (Particular Taste), Soul (to Ignited)

Smut: My Turn (sequel to My Pleasure), Worth It, Maybe We Should, Make it a Double (also a fic request), Shall We (AU)

Fic Requests: Coffee Run, Hold Still, Typical, Deal, Needed It, I’m Home, For Science, Cry Me A River, From Your Dreams (AU), Crystal Clear, Tempt Me, Your Fault, Prove It, Silent Proclamation, A Hundred Suns (angst smut), Duly Noted

Stand Alones: No More, Never Let Her Go, Life is Fragile, Pandemics & Peach Drinks, To Need and Be Needed, Never Let Go, Coming Home, Priceless, Behind The Mask, Need a Hand?

Angst: My Daisy, Status Quo, Can I Stay, I Refuse, Deal

Series/Multi-chaptered: Back Off (Better Apart, Missed The Mark, Change Her Mind, But You Do, Layered Love), Electrified (Don’t Stop (Senorita)), Here By Faith, Forgive & Forget, Angstober ‘20 (Never Has & Never Will, Only In My Head, Long, Long Gone, Do Something, Take Care, Waiting to Burn, Survive the Hell, Find Her, Never Ended Well, At All Costs, One Thing Right, Stay Away, Echoed Back, Smart Man, Not Interested, Flake Again, Release, Slipping Away)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Here By Faith mainly because of the topic. Pregnancy & Infant loss has been such a taboo topic for so long and something I have personal experience with so writing this was very therapeutic. 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Shall We and only because I truly wanted way more plot in this and it turned out to be essentially just straight smut with a tiny bit of plot. But it is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Ok I had 70 fics to choose from not breaking down chapters so I’m sure I’m missing something, BUT I do love - omg typing this out I realized it’s from a fic in 2019 so I can’t use iiiiiit 😩 ok so here’s a couple excerpts. I loved typing out this stream of conscious partner fics (They Always Do & Could She?):

They Always Do:

Yet this time, this time she didn’t have the chance to rebuild. Like a Trojan horse, he waltzed right up to her and slowly dismantled her defense. Joke by joke, smirk by smirk—Nick took each brick down with care. The worst part? It was so subtle, so thoughtfully done, she didn’t even notice it was happening. Didn’t see her chest being pried open, beating heart on display for him to see, and take. Never realized her greatest defenses were missing until it was too late.

That love- precious, fragile, delicate love- had managed to grow again. In her desolate, cold heart, Nick managed to bring to life an emotion she had long given up on. An emotion she was too afraid to ever feel again. Because with it came agony.

They leave, and you’re abandoned- picking up the pieces of a shattered heart.

When you love, you lose. Always.

Could She?:

But-

Even if that was love, even if he loved Ellie with his whole heart, his entire being. Was that enough? Was Nick enough? Was he deserving?

A resounding no clanged around his skull like a church bell in a Southern town on Sunday morning. He wanted to silence it, stop the shrill metal sound that started any time he pictured forever. Any time he truly thought he might deserve to love, even after all he’d done. After all the unimaginable things he’d done, the horrors he’d seen, the pain he’d caused. That bell sounded, loud and clear.

How did he deserve love when he couldn’t bear to love himself?

[...]

Could she love him despite all his misgivings? Could she love him even when he didn’t love himself? Could she love him when there was a risk he’d be taken from her too soon?

Could she?

Please love me.

But please be sure.

There’s been a couple of other inner monologues that I have absolutely loved (I like to think it’s semi my speciality? But maybe that’s super arrogant of myself?) but that’s a different post for another time.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I said it recently but I *love* when people pick out specific line(s) from my fic and choose to comment on those. More often than not it’s a line I was so proud of either prose-wise or foreshadowing-wise or whatever and I get literally giddy with excitement that someone not only noticed it but also loved it enough to comment on it 🥰but truly any kind of comment is dopamine-inducing 😉

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

As some people may have noticed (& maybe not because I did still semi-run the other main ellick blog despite it) I was somewhat absent for most of the summer/fall. I struggled for the first time in my life with mental health issues, borderline depression after being in a shit work environment, an essential worker with a company that claimed to “care” about us, a community that I once loved but showed their true colors in the midst of the pandemic & election, add in a rough pregnancy & it was a recipe for disaster. I didn’t want to even move from the couch most days let alone write. 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I had a lot of fun writing short excerpts from different characters’ perspectives (Jimmy, Kasie, McGee & Gibbs) in my Angstober series & honestly wouldn’t mind doing that again!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Honestly not sure, I think I’ve just generally grown as a writer - better descriptions & descriptors, better dialogue, better plots. But that could all be me seeing things 😂

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’d love to look into writing more seriously. My husband is convinced I could write an episode script or a novel, so I may look into trying my hand at that (even though I feel I’d be god-awful at it 😅)

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Hmmmm I always appreciate the support I’ve gotten from the ellick fandom despite it being rough this year for us, wonderful people like @erinchristmaselvis, @thekeyboardninja, @hellokaelyn & @wanna-be-bold are always there to either hear me vent or cheer me on ☺️

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Haaaaah yes. Lots of it (but I bet you can’t tell because I only add mini snippets so have fun finding those easter eggs 😏)

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Always, always, always write for YOU. Not for anyone else, the kudos, hits, comments, none of it. Write for YOU. And I say this as a reminder to myself as well, it’s so hard to get bogged down in that dopamine-induced craze we search for in recognition but it’s so important to not externally validate yourself rather internally validate yourself on baby steps of growth & accomplishment. 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

LOL how about all my WIPs? All of those stories I started forever ago that people call me out on not finishing months later when I swear they’ve forgotten about them 😬

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

Hmmmm lemme pick one from each category because I’m indecisive 😉

Sequel/Partner Fics: Lucky Day & Completely Yours (the aaaaangst)

Smut: a tie between Maybe We Should & Make it a Double

Fic Request: A Hundred Suns (because I love me some angst smut)

Stand Alones: Pandemics & Peach Drinks (hahahaha because this was in an Insider news article at the start of the pandemic hahaha so on brand #2020)

Angst: My Daisy (I looooooove this one, but also all of the angst category lol)

Series/Multi-chaptered: literally not one of these is finished and they’re all heavy angst so take your pick 😂

15. Year word count: 103,050 in 2020 which seems like so little 😅

Here’s to 2021 being the year I finish WIPs! she says knowing she’s lying

[mordcore]

tagged by @lostlovepunk thank you uwu

1. Why did you choose your url?

back when i was certainly a system, mord was our system name 😌✨ and the -core is a nice suffix because short words are usually taken, and using <my name>core always feels accurate (and crowcore was taken)

2. Any side blogs?

so many,

witchcraft: @loki-says-trans-rights

to reblog art: @art-appreciating

writing and stuff: @lamuella-42

aesthetic: @aestherisk

to save tutorials: @tutorials-collection

i gave up on being a gm for now so i can leak my pnp sideblog: @aspiring-gm

and my german sideblog: @official-bvg

most i post to once per month but none i feel confident in titling as "active".

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

this blog, 1 year or so. in total, 7 years 😳

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no i never queue 🤣

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

back in 2014? heck if i know. i remember starting off as a black-and-white blog, reblogging mostly self harm romantization and depression worsening content

this time? cause i missed tumblr and wanted to come back but didnt want to use my old blog because of drama/paranoia. also i felt like a fresh start.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

hello?? aro crow??? thats just a pic of me

7. Why did you choose your header?

halloween pride flag 😌

speaking of which, time to change it maybe

8. What's your post with the most notes?

i have 8k on my "i'm done being gender neutral. starting today i'm being gender antagonistic"

9. How many mutuals do you have?

uhhhh 22 wow this took a while to count

10. How many followers do you have?

98

11. How many people do you follow?

227

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

hahaha. enough that theres a tag for it

13. How often do you use Tumblr everday?

my daily average is 1:34 hours in use time and 23 launches (i have an app to track app and phone usage)

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

yes. aforementioned drama was not about blogging or even through tumblr very much but i have had someone get really angry at me for something stupid before and even block evade and find my main blog to yell at me there (it had been on a sideblog)

15. How do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

that phrase is blacklisted, i will neither get guilt tripped nor expose anyone else to it if i can help it

16. Do you like tag games?

i used to really like them way back when on vent; i think i still do 😌

17. Do you like ask games?

yes!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

don't make me go back and find out who is a mutual again noooooo (also no one? i don't think?)

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

hahaha crushes aren't real everyone knows that /hj

oh now the hard part i need to tag people hmmm

@ratzeflummi @dubbedcorn @catwaifuwu @katpile uwu✨

[jootsmcgoots]

MBC Selfshipping Prompts #1: First Dates (Risotto Nero)

WOO BOY so Haley started a weekly Selfship Prompt event over at MBC, and I wanted to write it out! And so I did. 

Mind you, this uses my self-insert, Niko, so it’s going to be using that name and female pronouns. This work got away from me, so it ended up being 2422 words (even when I meant for this to be less than 2k words......lmaooo...)

I will get around to posting my reader inserts soon, but not yet LOL I’ll get around to it when I get around to it. This blog is still very much a WIP because I still need to re-reblog a LOT of content from the old blog.

But for now, this is what I’m writing and I wanted to post it up. I may write another for Mista, but we’ll see (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

So as the title implies, this is the first of the prompts, and it’s “First Dates”.

Niko let out a yawn as she sleepily looked out at the busy street. Her eyes scanned the droves of people walking around, trying to scope out her target. Dark eyes blinked as she studied the faces of men nearing her, trying to determine if they were the one she was looking for. When they passed by her, she shrugged internally.

Her phone’s clock read 10:47 AM. She knew they agreed to meet around 11, but it never hurt to be early. “And anyways, better to be early than late, right? Right.” She still couldn’t help getting bored easily, and the anxiety and tension building in her chest continued to rise as the seconds passed.

“Calm down, calm down,” she thought to herself, “It’s just a date; you’ve been on dates before! Just treat it like you’re just hanging out with a friend.” Niko let out the breath she was holding and took her phone out, idly browsing it in order to distract herself. “Plus, it’s Mimi’s brother. There’s no way he’d be the bad kind of sort. She wouldn’t set us up if she thought we weren’t going to get along.”

Still, she had to admit she was surprised when her friend made the suggestion and arrangements. Niko recalled as her friend more or less pushed the aquarium tickets into her hand and snatched her phone to punch in her brother’s contact info.

“It’ll be nice, I promise! He’s a really great guy, and I think you two will hit it off!” Mimi flashed the smaller woman a grin. “Plus, he needs to get out more often.”

Niko’s mouth formed a slight line as she remembered how she had asked her friend for a photo of her date, but Mimi’s grin only grew with amusement.

“Oh, don’t worry about that! You’ll know when you see him.”

A noise of annoyance escaped Niko’s throat. “Dude, what does that even mean?” Her brow creased as she tried to think on what that could have meant, but quickly gave up, deciding it was too much effort. Her eyes absentmindedly left her phone screen to scope out her surroundings again.

Except her eyes bugged out as they fell on a large, foreboding man in dark clothing who towered over most if not all of the other people walking along. Whether by his size or presence, people seemed to naturally get out of his way as he continued making his way down the street. Everything about him exuded a quiet kind of power, from the way he walked, his stern expression, his hulking, muscular frame…

Though she remained completely stock-still, Niko shook her head inwardly. “No, no, maybe it’s not him! Maybe it’s just your regular, big, muscular, scary-lookin’ dude with fucking black sclera and red eyes, just walkin’ down the street for a stroll! All decked out in black and has the kinda expression that says, ‘hey so if you piss me off, I’m going to rip your limbs off’! Totally normal! Yeah! Hahaha!”

However, despite the thousands of thoughts going through her head at miles a minute, Niko knew. Now she understood what Mimi had meant by “You’ll know.” When the man stopped in front of her, it was undeniable that this man was indeed her date.

She could feel red eyes roving over her, studying her. If looks could kill, Niko felt like she would have been smote where she stood from the intensity of his stare alone.

Risotto’s unblinking crimson stare studied the woman before him. She certainly matched the picture and profile his sister had given him. Petite and girlish stature, short black hair that swept to the right, glasses, gold studs in her lobes, everything matched. He noted how she was sporting a mint green frog backpack, just like she’d specified she would so that he could recognize her easier. How thoughtful of her to suggest that in the first place. He couldn’t deny that he appreciated the consideration.

He was an observant man and was well-aware of his perception skills. After all, it was an invaluable skill in his line of work. However even without his sharp senses, there was no missing the look of surprise, awe, and slight fear in his date’s flabbergasted visage. Her eyes were wide, brows raised to the sky and jaw slack, lips seeming to form the beginnings of “Oh my god.”

Risotto let out a nearly imperceptible huff of amusement. His sister was right; this woman’s face hid nothing. He couldn’t help but smile a little at that candidness.

Introductions were short and awkward, but they served their purposes. Once acquainted, the pair could proceed with their date. Their itinerary was rather basic, just go to an aquarium and get some food together. Simple enough.

However, conversation was rather sparse as they made their way to their destination. Without any prior knowledge or known common ground, Niko was unsure of what to talk about, and Risotto was a taciturn individual by nature.

He didn’t dislike the small talk that she was trying to make, asking him things like what he did, what his hobbies were, but it required him to think carefully about his responses. It wasn’t exactly appropriate to vent about how little you were being paid to kill people on a first date.

What were you even supposed to talk about on a first meeting like this anyways? It had been far too long since he had tried connecting with someone new, let alone someone not affiliated with Passione. Though Risotto’s face remained as placid as ever, worry and nerves began bubbling beneath the surface as he picked up on the traces of worry and discomfort on his date’s face, and he wracked his brain for more to say.

He wasn’t alone, though; Niko hardly ever met people like this, usually having some common ground with new conversational partners. Here, she had absolutely no idea. Inwardly, she cursed Mimi for putting them in this awkward situation, wishing a thousand poxes on her friend’s house.

=====

“Eh? You set them up on a date?”

“Yup!” Mimi replied cheerily.

“And it’s a blind date, you said? And she doesn’t know what he looks like?”

Mimi hummed an affirmative as she snuggled up against her boyfriend’s shoulder, black nails clacking against her phone screen as she browsed. Though Kakyoin’s eyes hadn’t left the screen and he had continued dutifully chaining combos, his brows raised in surprise as he made a considering noise.

“Oh dear. She’s in for quite the surprise then.” As the victory logo flashed on screen, he leaned down and planted a kiss on her forehead and smiled warmly at Mimi.

“That’s evil. I love it.”

=====

Arriving to the aquarium was a relief and a salvation to Niko. At least now they could busy themselves with an activity, and that would give them something to do together. Slowly, their conversation became less stiff and stilted, as Niko began prattling off about the various exhibits they toured together. Bit by bit, she continued to come out of her shell as she pulled him from room to room, and by noontime she was babbling nonstop about the penguin feeding exhibit they had just been at.

“…and god, they were just so damned cute!” Her eyes glittered at the memory. “Fun fact, did you know that there was this one penguin that fell in love with an anime character? I’m not kidding!” Niko nodded as Risotto tilted his head at that statement. “Yeah, yeah! His name was Grape-kun and he uh…” Her words petered out, and her expression turned sheepish.

Risotto raised a brow, unsure of why she stopped. “Is something wrong?”

Niko fidgeted in silence for a moment before answering. “I…I just kinda realized that I’ve been dragging you from place to place, and I’ve just been rambling non-stop. It’s – it’s not that…it’s okay if you’re just not one for talking. I totally get that!” she said, waving her hands in front of her before wringing them worriedly. “I just wanna make sure you’re having fun too. Like, I just hope I’m not talking over you or only doing the things I wanna do, y’know?”

She looked up at him to meet his stare. Embarrassment was racking up by the second, and as she was going to open her mouth, he spoke.

“I’ve been enjoying myself.”

Relief flooded her senses. Niko smiled at him as she registered his words, her expression relaxing into something much brighter. He couldn’t help but mirror the expression, even though the corners of his mouth had barely turned upwards.

She clapped her hands together as a thought seemed to dawn on her.

“I know! Was there anything in particular that you wanted to do? Anything here that you were looking forward to?”

At that, Risotto’s eyes widened just the tiniest bit, but Niko had caught it. “There is, isn’t there?” she probed with a mischievous grin. “C’mon, tell me! I’m sure it’ll be nice.”

He averted his eyes, and she chuckled good-naturedly at his sudden shyness. “C’mooon, tell me! We already came all the way out here, so if there was something you wanted to do, let’s go and do it!”

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t turn away from her expression, bright and shining like the sun, with no escape. Risotto let out a mumble, still unable to look her directly in the eye.

“Mm? What was that?” Niko tilted her ear towards him.

“…the manta rays.” He repeated himself, barely louder.

She made the connection in seconds. “Oh! The petting pool with the manta rays!” Niko threw him a grin as he nodded. “Yeah, I gotcha! Let’s go!” And at that, she immediately set off before stopping short and looking behind her, waiting for him. “Come on! It gets really crowded, so let’s head on over.”

The petting pool was a popular exhibit, and it was already full of people, children and adults alike, all fawning over the adorable manta rays that practically jumped out of the water for a petting. Though his face remained as stony as ever, the sparkles in Risotto’s eyes exposed his excitement as the sounds of splashing drew nearer and nearer.

Niko let out a giggle. How cute.

However, he just stood there, staring out at the pool that was so close yet so far. Maybe he felt put off by the number of people there.

Taking matters into her own hands, Niko tried to lead them closer to the pool, but found that the droves of people who were already there difficult to navigate. She managed to bypass a few of them, but soon found it hard to actually get near the exhibit. Her lips curled to the side in annoyance as she tried to think about how to get to the exhibit.

Then, she felt someone take her hand. Niko looked up in surprise to see Risotto by her side, taking her hand gently as he began to wade through the crowd with her in tow, people parting as a hulking 6’8” man strode over to the manta ray pool. No one there decided that it was worth getting in his way, especially as he occasionally let out quiet, polite “excuse me, pardon me”s as he made his way over.

As Niko followed him through the crowd, she had a thought. Throughout the date, he hadn’t tried to make contact with her at all. Now that she thought about it, he had kept a respectful distance from her the entire time.

She let that fact wash over her as they approached the pool. Manta rays were swimming serenely through the clear water, occasionally breaking the surface of the water, excited for more pets.

Risotto had already dipped his hands into the cold water, gently stroking the creature as it passed by. A soft smile graced his features, dimples forming on his cheeks.

The sight was something Niko wanted to commit to memory.

Noticing that she had yet to join him, he removed his hand from the pool to look at his date. What he was met with was a soft, nearly reverent look on her face, dust blushing her cheeks. Upon realizing that he was looking directly at her, Niko gave him an awkward grin, hastily kneeling down with him to start babbling about how cute the rays were.

“…sorry.”

That cut her ramble short. “Huh? About what?”

“I should have asked first.”

His heart was thrumming in his chest as he searched her expression for any change. She looked confused for the barest of seconds before realization lit her features.

“Oh. Oh! That!” Niko quickly took her hand out of the pool, but thought better of shaking her hands in front of her like she usually did. “No, no – don’t worry about that!” She laughed, the sound causing a tentative warmth to blossom in his chest. “I really didn’t mind. It was…it was nice.” She emphasized her point with a shy but honest smile that caused the warmth in his chest to go into full bloom.

His eyes softened at her gentle expression, the soft look on her face looking like the most natural thing in the world. Risotto grunted an affirmative, finding words to be difficult.

As they walked away from the petting pool and dried off their hands, Niko spoke up.

“You know…to be honest, I wasn’t so sure about this. It’s been awhile since I’ve gone on a date, and this was my first blind date. I was ready to kill Mimi!” she admitted with a laugh, miming strangling motions. “No offense.”

“None taken.” His chuckle was nearly inaudible, but she didn’t miss the amusement in his voice.

Her smile grew wide, toothy and easy. “But this was nice. Real nice.”

“It was.” Risotto returned the smile, however subtle the change in his expression was. “I’ll admit this was…an experience. But I enjoyed it.”

At that, Niko laughed lightly and reached out to take his hand. Risotto noted the hesitation in her actions, the pause lasting no longer than a second. But in the end, he could feel his hand in hers, warm and comforting, like that was where it belonged.

He smiled at the feeling.

“Let’s go get lunch?” she asked, tilting her head at him.

His hand tightened around hers, just so.

“Let’s.”

As they walked towards their destination, they discussed restaurants, going over their options and bantering all the way there, the sound of her laughter echoing down the street.

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

[bigskydreaming]

So fucking tired of nights spent over the toilet vomiting from migraines and with the action of throwing up sending shooting pain through my jaw every time on top of that hahaha so much fun no really I love it it’s great. Ugh. Totally self indulgent vent post don’t reblog please. Just need to yell into the void.