#hadnt seen the show in a good 3 years??

[thesecollidinghearts]

i forgot about the woman who slips (separates?) into severance whenever she's pregnant/about to give birth holy shit

[bmpmp3]

having a scifi dad is wild man theres so many movies ive never seen but i know so much about because my dad has been showing me random clips at the dinner table on his laptop every night for the past couple decades. ive probably watched dune 1984 in its entirety at this point but like out of order. sting is there.

[ocelotegg]

had a dream where I had quadruplets

[hannieehaee]

Hey! I was wondering if you could write about one of the svt memberd being super good friends with the reader, like touchy. And everyone else is begging them to get together? 💛

content: f2l!chan, afab reader, seungkwan is far too nosy and too involved for his own good, fluff, etc.

wc: 1485

a/n: i wrote about channie since i think the while friends to lovers thing fits him super well hehe i hope u enjoy <3

masterlist

you and chan had been good friends for a good while now. well, no. it had been further than a good while. you'd known each other since you were young children.

despite chan's life taking a very drastic turn very early on upon his decision to become an idol, the two of you remained friends regardless. your friendship was truly one for the books. to chan's parents you were considered part of the family, which allowed the two of you to spend almost every waking moment together.

this pattern followed you into adulthood, a time in which you somehow becoming even more attached to the hip. his packed idol schedule never really got in the way of your friendship since chan would always insist on having you tag along, allowing you to take the role of one of chan's personal staff members in order to keep you as close to him as he could. this resulted in your friendship extending onto the rest of the members, who had known you since chan had first joined the company, practically treating you like yet another member of their family due to your constant presence.

now, your friendship with chan was quite special. the two of you were the closest duo that any of the members had ever seen. if anyone thought that chan was touchy with any member of seventeen, they surely hadnt seen how touchy he was with you. his hands were never off you for too long, nor his eyes. he was in constant watch of you, dragging you away from his members if they ever dared steal you away. if chan had a hotel room booked for tour, you were sleeping in bed right beside him. if he was at dance practice, he was cuddling you on the hardwood floor during his breaks. the boy practically broke out in hives if you were not in his arms, and the same could be said about you.

this was something the members used to find endearing; with the operative words being 'used to.' when you were teenagers, they had all seen it as cute and innocent puppy love between two childhood friends. however, the expectation had been that by the time the two of you turned 20, you wouldve snapped out of it and realized your very clear feelings for each other. but contrary to their assumptions, the two of you were now on your 24th year of age and had yet to move past the label of friendship. the thought of the two of you uselessly repressing your feelings for each other had most of the members going insane (mostly seungkwan) by then, which was something a few members had recently started to make known to their youngest brother.

~

one of the first few times in which seungkwan chan's friends began to show their frustrations at his lack of action in making you his took place on a regular afternoon. seungkwan and chan were walking together into the halls of the hybe building, with seungkwan suddenly inquiring as to why he didn't just close the deal with you and made it official.

"i told you it's not like that! we're just friends, that's it", whined chan for the nth time that week.

"i dont buy it. neither of you has ever been in a long term relationship. you're just playing the long game for no reason. she likes you, just ask her out!", seungkwan began to get exasperated at the stupid obliviousness of his friend.

"we work too much, it's– we have no time for relationships."

"'we'? see! you come as a package deal. just date each other!"

"hyung, just drop it. it doesn't mean anything," he groaned before parting ways as chan went onto some individual schedule and seungkwan joined vernon to head over to do a live together.

"what was that about?", inquired an unsuspecting vernon.

"asked him about y/n again."

"ohhh. don't worry about it. they'll see it for themselves one day. it's too obvious."

"yeah. guess you're right."

~

another instance in which chan was yet again bullied over his lack of self-awareness of his relationship with you was only a few days later. mingyu and seungkwan had just happened to walk in on you and chan playing badminton in the practice room. chan was wrapped around you from behind, hands holding onto yours, guiding your movements as jun played on the other side of the net. you were a mess of giggles as the ridiculous scene played in front of seungkwan's eyes.

"why do you look so disgusted?", spoke up mingyu, noticing the scowl on seungkwan's face.

"he's just so– he's an idiot! that's the love of his life! can't he just ask her out?"

"hmm. you're right. don't worry too much about it. i mean, look at them. it's only a matter of time."

"they're wasting years they could've spent together. god, why is he so dumb?", he wondered out loud, only earning a chuckle from his friend as the two of them joined in on your game

~

the next and final time seungkwan felt the need to express his frustration at your stubbornness had been upon walking into the practice room to find the two of you cuddled up on the floor. cuddled up might've been too light a term, seeing as you were laying completely on top of him with your face buried into the crook of his neck. your arms were nowhere to be found as they were dug into chan's hoodie, likely holding onto his bare back.

seungkwan scoffed at the sight. his friend looked far too content to be cuddling with a platonic friend. you looked too content to be cuddling with a platonic friend. the domesticity of it made seungkwan sick (okay, maybe he was being dramatic, but the two of you were far too frustrating to him!), causing him to walk over to you with judgement in his features.

"really?", was the first word out of his mouth as he stood over the two of you.

"wha ..?", chan tilted his head in confusion.

"this is platonic?"

"hyung, not this again ...", he groaned out, burying his head on your neck for a change.

you began to groggily sit up, now sitting on chan's lap rather than laying on top of him, "what are you guys talking about?"

"you know! there's no way you dont," seungkwan squinted his eyes at you as an annoyed look made its way onto his face.

"what?"

chan unburied his head from your neck, "he keeps insisting i ask you out because he thinks the way we act around each other isn't entirely platonic an-"

seungkwan interrupted before he could finish.

"our friendship is platonic. you ... you're a couple that's just too scared to put the actual label on it. you're driving me insane. either go out or stop being all over each other at all times!"

chan groaned out at his friend yet again, dropping his head to your chest as he hugged you closer to him. he took a breath against your chest before lifting his head back up, shooting his friend a glare before speaking up again.

"fine," he then turned to look at you, "will you be my girlfriend?"

his tone of voice sounded fed up, making anyone think that he did not mean his words. you, however, still sleepy and not fully understanding the context of the situation, lit up immediately at his words.

"yes!", you grinned at him, ignoring the presence of seungkwan and any other member who was now paying attention at the scene seungkwan had formed.

chan had to do a double take, staring at seungkwan and then darting his eyes right back at you, "w– what? you like me back?!"

"'back!'", seungkwan exclaimed with a gasp, "i knew it!"

"kwannie, shut up," it was seungcheol interjecting this time. about five members were now invested in the scene in front of them.

"yeah, of course i do ... were you not being serious?", you seemed put off by all the attention, but still putting all your focus on chan, who was still holding onto you as his wide eyes bore into yours.

"yes! i mean no– yes, i was being serious! be my girlfriend? please? wait, no. i wanna do this in private. c'mon, baby, let's go," he rushed to get the two of you up, grabbing your hand as he led you out of the room in a hurry, huge grins glued to both your faces as you giggled at each other.

seungkwan was left standing there, completely flabbergasted at how quickly it had all unfolded. suddenly he felt a hand pat his shoulder and a voice speak right next to him.

"huh. guess you were right," it was hannie.

yeah. he was right. now he could finally have peace knowing he had been successful in matchmaking his most stubborn friend.

a/n: chan asking reader out was inspired by that one tiktok of the guy who asked his bff to be his gf on video but she didnt know he was recording and she was all like 'yes :D!!!!' n he was all like ':00 okay!!!' idk i just found it so cuteshsjos

[cy-cyborg]

I'm getting a little tierd of the idea because amputees get more representation in media, it means rep for our disability is better and we "have enough"

People are right, we do have way more rep than really any other disability, im not going to deny that, and ive joked before about how often people write amputees without even realising it. So you would think, by sheer numbers, we should have at least some good representation, but by-and-large that is not the case. Legitimatly, the closest example I can think of to point to of good amputee rep is Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood and even that uses multiple tropes I hate (the miracle cure/quest for the miracle cure, the almost perfect prosthetic replacement/forgetting the chatacter is an amputee until it breaks or needs repairs, refusal to call prosthetics, "prosthetics" (automail), the amputee who can't do anything without a prosthetic) and they call Ed a slur for another disability (m*dget) CONSTANTLY. I love fmab deeply, it legitimatly helped me feel seen and represented as a childhood amputee in a way no other show has even come close to, and when it gets it right, it gets it really right, but it's also very far from great and should not be the best example I can think of. Especially nearly 15 years after it released...

A big part of the reason why I don't read many books anymore is because of the sheer amount of books with downright offensively bad amputee rep, some of which were touted as good by people with other disabilities and were recommended to me as good examples. others times, I wasn't even looking for books with amputee/disability rep, it just popped up. It has ruined one of my childhood hobbies for me. Ive tried to get back into reading again as an adult but it hasn't gotten better in that time i was away. I was kicked out of 3 different scifi writing groups on facebook and reddit for asking people to remember "cybernetic enhancement" users are amputees - a real group of people, and maybe debating weather or not we're less human isnt great, and for pointing out seeing those discussions every day was making me feel pretty unwelcome in that space (yes i know, "real" cyberpunk isnt trying to say that, i had to turn notifications off on my post about the topic, it doesnt change the fact that newer creators in the genre dont seem to get that bit, that ive seen cyberpunk writers in these spaces say that debating weather people who loose more parts of their body were less human was, in fact, their intent but they hadnt even considered the fact this made their chatacters amputees, it doesnt change the fact that these tropes, intentionally or not, help make those spaces hostile for disabled fans/creators, especially amputees).

But yeah, I should be thankful I get more rep than other disabilities, no matter the quality, right?

It doesn't just stop at being me being made uncomfortable, though. The sheer, overwhelming amount of amputee chatacters with "perfect prosthetics" has had a noticeable impact on how we are perceived irl. In my lifetime, the general idea people have about multi-limbed amputees in particular has gone from "literally the worst thing that can happen to a person and the worst disability to have" to "is it even a disability? The prosthetic fixes it". These are both wildly untrue and harmful ideas about my disability that were both perpetuated by media, but now that the second one is taking root, it's causing real problems. I have not been shy in talking about how I have to fight to maintain my NDIS funding every time I get something done with my prosthetics, and had to get my prosthetist to sign off, twice, that my fancy prosthetic knee that costs the same as a higher-end new car ($125,000 AUD) is not, in fact a cure and I still need help with other things. It took me nearly 2 years to get a new wheelchair because they didn't understand why I needed it if I had the prosthetics - which to be honest, is not comfortable for me to wear, let alone use all day every day. Guys this isn't just assholes on the street or on twitter saying dumb shit, it's the people in the government body who decide how much funding I get to help with my disability who beleive it. People who have very real control over my life. It's not entirely the media's fault, but when the sheer, overwhelming majority of representation for people like me confirms that belief, it's hard to ignore the possibility that these portrayals are contributing to it, you know?

Which makes it so frustrating when I come on here and see other disability writing advice blogs saying to not write amputees because they have so much representation already. We do, I can acknowledge that, but the vast, vast majority of it is shit, and no one, not even other disabled people, are listening to us about it. And what makes it even worse, is the people they're advising to not writing amputees are the creators who care enough to be doing the research. They're the ones willing to listen, to ask questions. They could be the start of the positive change. But instead they're advised to not even bother with us.

And don't get me wrong, other disabilities ARE under-represented. There are so many disabilities, including some I have myself, that I've never seen represented as anything other than the butt of a joke. There does need to be more reprentation of disabilities other than amputation and limb differences. 100%! but can you please talk about that without saying "amputees have enough"

This isn't even touching on how amputees/people with limb differences who dont/cant use prosthetics, or even folks who use prosthetics sometimes but not others, are almost never represented unless it's for pitty-porn, or how the non-fictional media's (news outlets, etc) portrayal of amputees in particular is used to justify hurting very real, very vunderable people but this rant is long enough and honestly, ive got enough thoughts to make whole other posts on those subjects. That second one in particular deserves its own (more thought-out) spotlight and shouldn't be a footnote in a frustrated rant post lol.

[stevie-petey]

don't be shy, give us a blurb of season 1 where joyce berates jon after his & bug's fight :D

ooooh this is basically a deleted scene in my mind so thank you <3

enjoy !

"i'll go make some breakfast." jonathan needs to leave wills room. he isnt sure how long his mom has been in there staring at the lights, but he hadnt slept last night and hes exhausted and wills room has become a shadow of what it once was.

he misses wills laughter that once filled the room.

now he talks his mom down from panic attacks in wills room after spending a sleepless night wrecked with guilt for what hes said to you.

"jonathan, wait." joyce pulls gently at his arm to stop him from leaving. she wipes her eyes, sniffles. "sweetie, i-i dont want to overstep, but... i heard you last night."

"heard what?" jonathan doesnt understand what his mom is trying to say. is she still manic? is she really losing her mind like the cops all say?

joyce takes a deep breath. "i heard you and y/n last night. i... i heard what you said to her."

jonathans heart stops. he tenses, his body suddenly becomes cold. deep, bone crushing guilt settles harshly upon him.

"you were... awful to her."

he cant breathe air into his lungs. his head pounds. his hands shake.

"jonathan, honey-i know that things are-are difficult right now and i know maybe, i dont know... i know i havent been there for you but y/n has." joyce rubs the palm of her hands on her pants. "you cant push her away. not now."

jonathan needed his mom the day will disappeared. he needed her when the cops showed up at their door with his bike. he needed his mom when he made missing posters for his little brother.

among the guilt crawls the anger. the resentment. why is she doing this?

"im not pushing y/n away-"

"you told her she wasnt family."

"mom, i-can we please, just drop it. okay? lets-lets focus on will and i'll make breakfast and-"

joyce grabs his hand. its the first time shes comforted him since will went missing. he shudders at her touch. her hands are warm, soft, worn from years of taking care of him and his brother all alone. "apologize to her. she'll understand."

"but what if she doesnt?" and there, underneath the guilt and anger and resentment, lies jonathans fear that hes lost his best friend.

"she will, sweetheart. y/n... shes too good. for both of us." jonathan manages a weak laugh, and joyce smiles softly. "ive never seen a friendship like yours."

jonathan knows his mom is right. hes ashamed of himself. the words he said to you last night paint his skin in heavy hues of embarrassment and remorse. you didnt deserve them. he had been lost in his own shame for the photos of nancy.

he doesnt like who hes becoming, with all this anger in him.

"the two of you will figure it out." joyce kisses the top of jonathans head. "you always do."

but things have changed. jonathan now knows what failure feels like. he knows that he cant protect the ones he loves. it burns his skin.

and burns always fester.

[deathclassic]

art tag

love a good art tag so thank you @doshiart for thinking of me <3

How did you start drawing? What year was it that you become more seriously and consciously interested in it?

uh ive been drawing all my life, i wanted to be an 'artist' when i was 6 and then it kinda went into different ideas surrounding art - tattoo artist, graphic designer, illustrator, etc etc and then i decided to pursue graphic design afer high schoo about 8 years ago? and have a degree in that now

When you felt the urge to share your art with other people? When did you start posting your drawings on social media?

i was always drawing for other people and then i started posting my fanart when i got twitter and tumblr in 2010, so it's still floating around on here

Your first/earliest drawing. What were your impressions of it back then and what are your feelings now?

i was probably really proud of it and had probably never seen a giraffe at all, i was 5. there's earlier ones out there of course but this is the earliest i could find around me

Your first fanart ever

i cant find my fanart of my little pony from 2004, or my fall out boy, panic at the disco and my chemical romance stuff from 2008. i drew this of ian in 2011 though.

Your first gallavich fanart

see above

When you had bad days and things didn't work out, what inspired you to keep trying?

what else was i gonna do with my life lol, im not good at maths, im not good at english, im not good at science so this was the only thing left. i dont share what i draw most of the time, no one needs to see it, so i just sketch whats around me, i scribble just to get the anxiety out. and then i come back sometimes weeks later like it never happened.

Show your old piece that you strongly dislike and tell why.

i was just getting back into the shameless fandom after being in and out since 2011 and i hadnt actually drawn them for a long time so i hate this one with a burning passion.

Show your old piece that you very like and tell why. What's the difference with the previous?

this is a scanned version, it's done entirely in sharpie. i like how simple it is, just one medium, stark contrast, and yeah. difference between them is that one is digital and one is traditional, one was done after drawing them for years and the other was done after taking a break to draw for other fandoms.

Show your old piece that you were very proud of back then.

maybe this one from university? i made a guidebook of architecture of melbourne and i drew every building by hand, i did this maybe 4 years ago?

Do you do any practice sketches or warm-ups before you draw something big?

oh yeah - mind maps, thumbnails, hand drawn text exploration, figure sketches, writing down different values. every single one of my drawings that get posted start like this

Sketch vs Final. Show your process.

i had to redesign the blair witch movie poster

Your most recent drawing.

logo ive been working on for a client - not bound by contract so i can share it with you because i dont want to share my secret santa thing lol

Give yourself some praise! Look at what improved in your art!

im glad you kept going. through all the death threats, through people selling your stuff without you knowing, through the depression. who knew you'd still be drawing for the same fandoms decades later?

Any advice you'd give to your earlier self?

stop giving a SHIT about everyone else. draw for yourself and no one else.

Set a goal for yourself for the coming year.

stop getting taken advantage of <3

im tagging @spookygingerr @ghoulish-art-tendencies

@vintagelacerosette @suzy-queued @cal-tastrophe @iansw0rld @heymrspatel @grumble-fish

[tixdixl]

For all four of yours?

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

OH THIS IS VERY FUN. Thank you!

Just a heads up warning, this response is going to be incredibly long. So I apologize in advance 😅

Oisín: this is a very interesting question to ask of my dullahan. It's a combination of being comfortable in their own skin while existing in a world that is fundamentally critical or even frightened of them. Humans think of dullahan as monsters. Humans think of dullahan as crewel, as inhumane, as evil. But they... aren't. Their sense of morality when it comes to their role is fundamentally different than humans.

This is what has led them to hiding their headlessness. They start with the TV monitor in public and then move to finding a way to actually wear their own head just to blend in with the general public. But when they are in private, in the safety of those who they love and trust, the TV Monitor or their head comes off. They allow themself to be truly themself, and they stop masking.

Kingsley: OH I FINALLY GET TO TALK ABOUT MY BOY AND WHAT'S BEHIND THE MASK.

So Kingsley is constantly told he is a failure by his parents. This starts as early as ~8-10 years old when his father conducts the first "test" that is done on children in their culture. Because they live in a society where experience is considered a better teacher than mentorship, his father essentially pulls a FMA where he drops Kingsley off in the woods as a boy and tells him to figure out a way to survive for 3 days. If he is able to survive the wilderness, then he will be brought back home. During these 3 days, Kingsley gets into a really nasty fight with a mama bear, and while he does survive it, he walks away with some pretty nasty wounds. He almost loses his eye because of it. When his father returns to pick him up, Kingsley gets really excited. Because in their culture, scars from war are seen as evidence of survival. They are celebrated, because it shows the world that you were strong enough to endure whatever it is you faced. But... instead of being proud of Kingsley for surviving, he is scolded for being unwise. He is scolded for walking away with injuries- injuries that hadnt been properly cared for either. This shame is what inevitably leads him to wearing his skull mask, the casual one and not the formal one.

And this is just one anecdote of a lifetime of double standards, of impossible goals, of constantly never being good enough for his parents. And this in particular is compounded by the expectations placed on him as he goes to NRC. There is nothing that will damage a person more than being told you aren't allowed to go home until you are worthy of being called an heir, and ready to be coronated into lordship. You can imagine the weight of that expectation driving him to immense self-criticism and hyper vigilence in virtually everything he does

At its core, this is the treatment he faces that molds him into the intimidating, harsh (borderline cruel), hyper vigilent, self-critical, supremely isolated, and violently aggressive boy we see entering Freshman Year. And even as he continues to develop his friendships, and especially as we move into the Isle of Cantrevs event, where the crew have to essentially pick up his parent's mess, that weight of having to prove to his parents that he's not a failure is constantly lurking in his shadow.

I think you would even recognize this fear in his own friendships, especially in the RP we are working on with Kingsley and Cooper. And while its not exactly something I've discussed entirely with @ramshacklerumble , I know for a fact this impacts his relationship with Gia, even into them becoming QPPs. But I can confirm that Gia is the first person to point out to Kingsley that he's holding himself to double standards and is incredibly harsh on himself. He's working on it... sorta... 😅

Emil: This is interesting because it's something I've only recently started to dive into. And there are a few directions we can take this.

This is your pre-emptive CW that Im going to briefly discuss trans things, particularly body dysphoria and the desire to change your physical body to feel at home in your own skin. There is also a brief reference to transphobia in here. You've been warned.

For starters, being trans, Emil does experience a lot of body dysphoria. He binds, eventually gets top surgery, and he also seeks out ways to mitigate having a cycle until such time as he decides to have them permanently stopped. He always gets nervous at the prospect of going home because as much as he loves his parents, they don't see him as Emil - at least not until way after he graduates from NRC and leaves home permanently.

His voice is something he often grapples with because despite loving his own voice, he often gets misgendered as a result of it. It's something he struggles with and doesnt have a solution for.

We can also examine this from the perspective of him being a little ray of sunshine and optimistic while being at NRC. He knows that many people outside his friend circle view him as weak. They view him as an outsider. Many even claim he doesn't belong there. This is exacerbated when the Arcane Exchange happens and people start having class with RSA students. But he does belong at NRC. He very much belongs there, and anyone who has actually spent any time with him can see that.

Beyond that, we can look at how he views himself after he Overblots. He thinks his sibling's death was his own fault. He views himself as a failure for not succeeding in his goals. And furthermore, he feels as though he has lost his sense of purpose because he put everything into trying to find a cure for his sibling, only for them to die before he could do anything about it. So then... what's the point? What was the point in any of it? What was the point in going to NRC if he couldn't succeed? What was the point in all of that hard work?

He is slowly but surely grappling with this and overcoming it, but it takes an incredibly long time for him to regain a sense of self and a sense of purpose back. He does eventually realize he is able to use those skills for good - and to the point of "not belonging", that its okay if his strengths dont lie in doing offense. But this is something he has yet to work through.

René: There are three particular directions that I can take this in particular.

I havent explored it much, and truthfully, I should, but René is some sort of nonbinary where genderfuckery and genderfluidity are at play. I have no doubt in my mind this has a major impact on them, being amab, but again, I havent explored it as much as I probably should.

Does their UM count? It's not something they are proud of. They hate the fact that they have it, even though it has been proven useful and it continues to be useful. It doesnt make them feel good that the magic that has come from their experience and from their soul is a magic that breaks mind control, suggestion, or hypnosis. They don't like the fact that their magic is one that forcibly breaks contracts and agreements without repurcussion. Not because its not useful, again, but rather because of what it implies about themself and their existence. I haven't actually sorted out whether or not René comes to terms with this, especially since their UM failing against their father is something that triggers them into Overblot.

Also they don't believe people will actually like them for who they are if they showcase their true thoughts, opinions, and emotions. They have been trained to only be and present a false version of themself that is acceptable to their father and to other people. And it ends up leading them to believe that their real sense of self has no value. Plus its their real sense of self that ends up hurting Rémi in their childhood. And they really loathe themself for hurting Rémi the way they did. These are things I'm still exploring with René and havent fleshed out, but we are getting there.

Thanks again for the ask and if you got all the way this far- thanks for reading!

Prompt List

Tag list: @cyanide-latte @simons-twsted-children @inmateofthemind @ramshacklerumble

@rainesol @elenauaurs (lmk if you want to be added)

[alyimoss]

For the ask game!!

9. What's your all time favourite movie/tv show?

:]

oughh see i am the worst bitch to ask this kinda question bc i just. do not watch movies/shows. i dont have the attention span for them, and most of the time just. cannot get into new stuff, either bc of lack of interest or because im scared ill hyperfixate and die.

to compensate, i will tell you about a movie that is not my favorite in the slightest and the most recent show i watched!

so i watched this movie in ?? first grade?? in russia. its called arthur and the invisibles, it a french (?) movie abt some fucking kid whos. trying to save his grandfathers farm/house/farmhouse?? and in the process gets shrunk down to teeny size and helps the teeny people. do. something idkf. i remember very little about it other than some details that were forcibly injected into my brain fairly recently and the fact that the like. pre-teen or teen protag had a love interest twice his age. and it was!! uncomfortable!! and i dont know how they let that slide, but that movie was made it. idk what year, but if i had to guess, probably early 2000s?? so. yeah those werent really the best times...

anyway yeah i was almost completely convinced id hallucinated that movie until maybe 2 or 3 months ago?? when i watched a wayneradiotv vod (or highlights video god if i remember) where he played a game based on that movie. and it was bad. and i am upset that it turned out to be real. and it had at least one sequel for some fucking reason?? so thats. interesting.

the most recent show i watched was steven universe! which i rewatched the entirety of in like. a week. and i liked it! i hadnt watched it since. idfk when, actually, but its been a long time. i hadnt watched a lot of the season 5 episodes, id only seen the finale bc everyone was talking abt it (and how bad it was) when it aired and i wanted to see for myself. and id never seen the movie or future before, so that was an experience. annd yeah now i have a lot to say abt that show which can be summarized with "if it was allowed to run for several more seasons it wouldve been godlike" bc. that show is based on time. thats the number one thing abt it. that it takes time to heal. time is the center of its fucking pilot they knew what they were doing. so ofc when it was rushed it showed and was bad, that show cant be rushed in order to be good. no show can, really, but especially not that one. anyway

yeahh not really a movies/shows guy lmao. envy those who are, but. ill just stick to. the one thing im hyperfixating on and virtually nothing else. forever.

[winterrhayle]

Ive been watching you and Bea go back and forth making each other rank Taylor albums and Im going to miss it SO MUCH Could you two rank the taylor swift tour videos please? I love looking at you guys' takes on things (even if yours are just complimenting every song and Bea is the one who knows how to actually criticise things 💀) love you guys <3 - an anonymous observer😉💗

TYSM :((((( SOBBING LY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @deprivedmusicaljunkie look we've been percieved ! anon ur slight diss at me for not being able to criticise things is KILLING ME HAHAHHAHAHA (ur right though)

okayy heres my tour ranking (note that there isnt an official tour video for red OR eras so this probs affects my ranking,,, more for red than eras bc i see eras content every single day online anyway)

speak now world tour - okay i may be biased because this is my favourite album,, but even if it wasnt this would be her best tour (in my opinion),, i feel like in her old concerts she was so theatrical, and parts of it kinda looked like a full broadway production,, also the iconic elements like the lyrics on the arm, also shout out to the live album recording of this bc i listen to it soooo much and its amazing and perfect and show stopping etc etc im literally gonna list a bunch of iconic moments right here: THE HAUNTED BELL, the fireworks during dear john, the koi fish guitar with the light up tree, the gold fringe dress (DROP EVERYTHING NOW) the ballgown, just the wholle thing is the best thing i have ever seen

eras tour - this tour actually is killing me with all of the nostalgia watching her sing through and acknowledge all of her old albums and past selves (except debut, rip😔). and i especially love all of the details from past concerts she has (like the fearless spins, the sparkly & koi guitars, the over head hand heart) and also the new visuals for existing tours (like the old taylors in glass cages for rep) AND the visuals for the albums that hadnt been toured before (lover, folklore, evermore, midnights) i just think that she really did her albums justice (again, apart from debut☠️) and its insane that the show is so long 3+ hours

reputation stadium tour - karyn the snake is the coolest thing ive ever seen. also the ready for it intro with the hooded bodysuit outfit is ICONIC,,, i love the choreo on this tour, like the part of i did something bad where taylor gets lifted up like a cheerleader (AHHHHHH) and i love the quiet long live / new years day moment on the piano,, its so nice

the red tour - like i said before, there isnt a tour movie for this one so i dont know as much about it, but i loveeee how fun it is, i love the ringleader outift and circus theme for the closing song, we are never ever getting back toghether (my favourite part of the show) and i love the unnecessary hairflips during all too well😭

the 1989 world tour - this tour feels like her biggest one (even though it isnt), its like the most pop artist thing ever, its less theatre-production like than any of her other tours and it feels less personal? that being said its obviously very iconic, im forever obsessed with the wildest dreams/enchanted mashup, and that one out of the woods bodysuit that she only wore once for some reason, + the FOREVER iconic rock version of wanegbt BUT THE WAY THE TOUR MOVIE IS EDITED IS SOOOO ANNOYING LIKE IT SWITCHES TO A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE EVERY 2 SECONDS😭 anyway i really do appreciate this tour bc taylor really did give it everything she had, and looking at the miss americana documentary, u can tell it was really hard to have put on that show with what she was going through

fearless tour - this is ranked last but i actually really like this one, its cute. her vocals werent as good as they are currently but idc because this show was so funny,, it had the iconicccc throwing of the red chairs in forever & always and shoudlve said no in the rain!!!!!!!!

[standardlovers]

top movies of the year !! tagged by @sommerregenjuniluft who asked specifically for 10 and i will take any opportunity to talk abt films i watched <3

no pressure tagging: @sugarsnappeases @beaniebaby @casstration @bardofavon

Commentary on the films & honourable mentions below:

A Little Life (2023, dir. Ivo van Hove) this was a live show however i watched it as a movie and i hadnt even read the book bc everyone i saw who read the book was so deeply emotionally distraught that i avoided it BUT someone wanted to see it and i agreed to go with them bc it looked good and i like bonding activities. yeah its SAD AS FUCK. its complicated and devastating and very triggering at times and i recognised two of the cast and focused far too long on why do i know this guy but it definitely hit me hard as part of this years viewing experiences

The Book Thief (2013, dir. Brian Percival) this truly has been the year of sophie nélisse for me she has captivated me so ofc i revisited this and bought the book, both still as devastating as i remember

Talk To Me (2023, dir. Michael & Danny Philippou) HORROR OF THE YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!! oh this did blow me away this was so fun to watch and while some of the symbolism was slightly on the nose it was never overbearing to draw away from the plot it really was engaging and had some amazing cast

The Sound Of Music (1965, dir. Robert Wise) i hadnt seen this despite being on my list for YEARS !!!! but when i did oh i was not ready its fun its sweet its whimsical its political its interesting its sad its a musical

Saw X (2023, dir. Kevin Greutert) HEHEHE SAW !!!!!!!!! MANDY CAME BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY !!!!!!

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007, dir. John Erick Dowdle) this was so interesting !!! many people consider this a very intense horror and i was expecting the worst but i think primarily the fear factor of this is that it is formatted as a documentary discussing the events and tapes although they are real and some of the content is unnerving but ultimately as someone who deeply enjoys horror i did find the format and the approach to this new style of serial killer horror so engaging and creepy, however i wouldnt recommend it for people who arent already into horror

Beautiful Boy (2018, dir. Felix van Groeningen) i actually started this in 2022 but couldnt sit through timothee chalamet reciting poetry so i turned it off and tried again this year but it was very moving and i have like 100 beautiful boy edits in my tiktok folder

All Quiet On The Western Front (2022, dir. Edward Berger) if you are going to watch a war movie: WATCH ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT it is very engaging from the perspective of german soldiers during the end of world war i.

The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008, dir. Mark Waters) Bring Back Fun !!! Bring Back Whimsey !!!!

Take Care Of Maya (2023, dir. Henry Roosevelt) oh this was Intense, this is a documentary about a real life legal case following the Kowalski family who have recently finished their trial against the hospital that put their family and their chronically ill daughter through severe trauma and suffering, it was deeply interesting and very painful but also so necessary for the many people who experience similar cases and circumstances. (Post Film Update/Not shown in the documentary: The Kowalski family has since won their trial and been granted over $250million for their trauma and damages. Maya is now seeking further legal action for other circumstances she endured during this time.)

Honourable Mentions:

[REC] (2007, dir. Jaume Balagueró & Paco Plaza) this was just a GOOD horror it had a slower introduction but once it got into the plot it was so interesting and intense and just a Fun movie which is interesting because its the second to technically include found footage (i have seen people call the poughkeepsie tapes found footage in some ways also) and i dont particularly enjoy found footage but this year it seems to have appealed to me more than i realised!

Uptown Girls (2003, Boaz Yakin) THE BOND BETWEEN A GIRL AND THE MESSY 20 SOMETHING SHE DOESNT WANT TO RELATE TO BUT DOES . "HER AU PAIR CALLED MY NANNY A SLUT BAG WHORE !"

Pamela, A Love Story (2023, dir. Ryan White) which is Pamela Anderson's documentary about her life so far and was very interesting even as someone who didn't know much of anything about her beforehand

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986, dir. John Hughes) which is, as always, a classic and lighthearted experience <3

Totally Killer (2023, dir. Nahnatchka Khan) because it is so good to see a cheesy modern slasher just be Fun again, it doesn't take itself too seriously and that's why it was so enjoyable to watch!

[anonymouspumpking]

Completing your dream

¡Long Trafalgar Law fic!

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Summary: You are a girl looking to fulfill her dream, which is to become the best doctor the world has ever seen, but to achieve this she has become an apprentice to one of the most renowned pirates of the worst generation.

Chapter 3

Toda the two weeks that Law, Shachi, Penguin and Bepo had been away, were finally over. I was excited, without all the tasks Law gave me, I had been able to study the topics that he had assigned me with ease and without having to stay up late.

I wanted to show Law that I had been able to handle all the topics he had asked of me and to him giving me feedback on them. I had been with the heart pirates for almost a month now and I was more than used to his presence.

I was sitting next to Ikkaku reading a book in the dining room while she was talking to Jean Bart, when out of nowhere Bepo aggressively opened the doors and shouted: “Y/n, y/n, help me, the captain is injured and he won't wake up!” "What?" I said surprised and upset at the same time.

Without questioning Bepo, I quickly got up and ran after him. He was heading towards the operating room, where Shachi and Penguin were waiting for him. When I entered I found Law lying on a stretcher looking very bad. There was blood everywhere and many things to prepare.

“Bepo, bring me the medical instruments!” “Penguin, I need you to bring me what I need for surgery, I need: gloves, a gown and a sterile cap, I also need a face mask.”

While I was getting ready for surgery, everyone was acting quickly. Once everything was ready and in place I began to search for the main problem. First I had to remove Law's clothes with the help of Bepo and some scissors. Once uncovered, I was able to see the source of the bleeding and to begin treating and stopping the blood flow. At my side, Bepo assisted me by passing me tools and instruments. After cleaning, treating and closing Law's wounds, we moved him to his bedroom.

“Do you think he is going to be okay?” Bepo asked.

“I'm sure he will be, he just needs to rest,” I responded, trying to reassure him. “Go and rest Bepo, you need it, I'll stay with the captain in case he wakes up,” I smiled at him.

Bepo reluctantly went to sleep, also because Shachi and Penguin were of the opinion that he should rest too.

I brought a chair that was in his room closer to the bed and sat there to take care of the captain. Compared to when he was awake and moving, he always looked serious and cold, but it wasn't until this moment that I was able to notice the details of his face.

He was attractive, she couldn't deny it.

I looked at the bandages on his chest that I had made with Bepos help. They covered much of his tattoos, tattoos that I hadnt noticed earlier, and that were all over his body. I couldn't help but blush a little and feel guilty for seeing him in that way when he was in that state.

It was early in the morning when he was finally waking up. At that moment I heard a voice.

“Y/N?” Law said with a little pain in his voice and curiosity at the same time.

He tried to get up but I didn't let him.

“What are you doing in my room? Where are the others,” he asked confused.

"You arrived badly injured Law, I took care of cleaning your wounds and closing them properly." “I sent Bepo, Shachi and Penguin to sleep because those 3 needed it”

Law stood up a little and noticed the sutures on his body. “Did you do the procedure?"

I nodded.

“And you have been taking care of me?”

“Yes, I needed to see that you woke up well and without any problems,” I said, a little worried.

“Thank you y/n.” Law looked at his sutures again, but this time with more determination. “I see you placed the right sutures in the right places, very good y/n,” he complimented me with a small smile.

“Thank you Law,” I smiled too.

“I didn't know you could do sutures,” Law said curiously.

“You never asked captain. In fact, I have been working in the medical field for a few years now,” I replied proudly.

"Really?" “You look more like a proud brat to me,” Law said, annoying me and laughing a little.

I was going to grumble at him when I realized that the captain had joked with me. “I see that you also have a sense of humor and are not just an iceberg,” I said jokingly.

“Of course I have a sense of humor y/n,” he said indignantly, “I'm just rarely in the mood to show it.”

“You should take things more calmly captain, not everything in life is work.” After saying those words I was a little embarrassed because it was precisely my obsession with my desired job that had led me here.

"And what about you? Joining a pirate crew just to become the best your profession can offer doesn't seem relaxed on your part," the captain added, laughing a little.

I stayed silent for a few seconds. “I guess we’re both equal then.”

“I guess I have more in common with you than I thought,” Law said.

I noticed that Law was starting to stand up, so to stop him, I lunged at him and my face ended exactly in front of his.

“I didn't know you found me so irresistible y/n” he told me with a mocking smile on his face.

My face turned redder than a tomato. “NOO, it's just… YOU CAN'T MOVE,” I said, trying to hide my embarrassment. “You can open your wounds, and it took me a long time to close them.”

Law laughed. “Dont worry y/n, these injuries are small compared to others I've had. I'm fine, really."

I got off his bed and sat back down in the chair I had arranged.

“You can go rest y/n, there is no need for you to stay by my side, I'm fine.”

I refused. “No, I'm staying here, I want to make sure everything is okay. In addition, I brought you food and water for when you woke up.

Law got out of bed a little so that he could eat what I had brought him. While he ate we talked for a while.

“How old are you captain?”

"Why the question? How many do I look like?”

“I don't know, you look too young to be a pirate with his own crew and his own fame.”

Law smiled satisfyingly to himself. “I’m 26 y/n.”

“You are definitely very young for everything you had achieved.”

“Thank you very much y/n” the captain said laughing.

After finishing his meal, the captain lay down and after insisting for a while, he fell asleep. My plan was to stay awake to make sure nothing bad happened, but I ended up falling asleep resting my arms and face on his chest.

[couchie]

it's very awesome on the other side of this too – it's very easy to burn out from writing, especially after the initial rush of a new story and inspiration passes. i have who knows how many fanfics that are just the first three chapters written and then abandoned in a document

but receiving kudos, and even better comments, is just so good to experience 😭✨. like, 3 a.m comment notifications? gosh, im so glad my fic was the cant-put-it-down-to-actually-go-to-sleep fic for someone. a comment about a foreshadowing they anticipate or generally on the plot/progression/writing? bro i am SO flattered that you actually took time to analyse it. a comment about how the fic impacted them/what it made them feel/ "im just sobbing in bed rn omg skdjsj 😭😭😭😭"? MY STORIES INSPIRED FEELINGS IN OTHERS....... just a straight up caps locked keysmash? felt. been there done that i know how it feels and i love you for making me experience that on my own fic

and like... i continued my first ever fic for a good thirty chapter (might be even more if i'm being honest), because my wattpad mutuals (yes it was my wattpad era. i know.) commented on every single chapter and asked for a new chapter every time. i added a plot twist to one of my fics purely because a commenter was very passionate and convinced about a foreshadow that they had seen, which i hadnt actually put in there. i write author's notes that are just one sentence: "thank you for all the love and support y'all showed to this fic 🫶🫶✨✨😭". i updated a fic that i had decisively given up on after nearly a whole year, with the only reason being that someone commented how much they loved my fic

it makes a difference, guys. the writers value their audience as much as y'all value us

Yeah sure we’ve all binged a long fic, but have you ever read a WIP and followed someone’s life?

Tidbits of information - (“I graduated today!”) - and small joys (“It’s my birthday!”) and you get to be there to say “This chapter made me cry, happy birthday, thank you for gifting us this”.

I remember reading this fic of someone at the end of high school, older than me then. They seemed infinitely wise, spoke of their future career and getting into the college they wanted. I remember them posting on days they felt like nothing could bring them down - and on days the whole world did and it’s the aftermath of a hospital visit. Cancer, I think it was, their father. I got to the end of the story, I know their father was fine, but also they got to finish their WIP. I graduated three years later than them, still dutifully wrote thank you notes in every comment. I wonder if they remember me, or just the collective of people reading the story as it updates.

Four years ago I was into my first year of university, my first year of figuring out being out in public spaces. I made excuses as to why my name didn’t match my paperwork and read a fic on the train, the same five chapters over and over again for the next years as I thought the story abandoned. It updated this week after such a long hiatus, I left another thank you comment.

There’s an author I love, they update their stories like a clockwork. When they don’t, I check their blog, just to see if their doing alright, not because I feel like they owe me, just to ensure whether I better get out my laptop to write that really detailed university level essay chapter analysis to get them smiling when their day sucked.

And then, once, when I was 17, I read a fic that hadn’t updated in over a decade. I wasn’t even in primary school when it started posting. On the last chapter, I left a comment that, in retrospect, was horribly rambly and most likely full of grammar mistakes. The author replied and though I couldn’t see their face, I thought of them crying. They were married now, had children, and hadn’t thought about this fic in years. They went through their files again, found another half written chapter and an outline. I got two new chapters to read that year.

And then, recently, someone told me they got back into writing original fiction because of my comments. I get to read nearly weekly chapters.

I love binge reading a finished fic, but nothing is ever going to top the feeling of anticipation of waiting for a chapter, the pure joy when someone tells you I was done with this, but you made me think of it again, so this is for you.

Anyway, I think we should romanticize reading WIPs more, growing up alongside the authors writing the stories we love.

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: once again, chan is a fucking loser, smut, f reader, dry humping, handjob, a lot of boob worship (?), spit kink (????) but not rlly, etc. this is a continuation to this, but can also be read as a standalone!

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

wc: 1258

masterlist

loser!chan, who feels like the luckiest bastard alive thanks to his chemistry teacher who decided to pair him up with his years-long crush.

ever since he started college, he thought that maybe he'd finally get rid of the loser nerd persona that had been assigned to him ever since middle school, when he started wearing thick-rimmed glasses to school and joined the anime club.

safe to say, that did not happen. due to his shy demeanor and lack of confidence, he remained an outcast in all situations possible, feeling as if he could never simply go up to someone and strike up a conversation. specially not with you, the pretty girl he met during orientation two years ago. someone who he had so badly wanted to get to know after catching your eyes one day during your intro bio course freshman year.

unexpectedly, now he found himself in your bed, your hands down his pants and your tongue lightly licking into his mouth as he moaned due to the friction. all thanks to his teacher's fateful decision to pair you up. ever since the first time you had invited him to your dorm for your group project (the first time he had ever felt the touch of a woman), you had found every opportunity possible to steal him away again under the vice of 'channie, we need to work on our assignment!'

your meetings tended to go pretty much the same every time. you'd both sit on your bed, pretending you were there for academic purposes as you set down your books and laptops in front of you while having much sinister thoughts in your heads. chan hadnt wanted to assume you'd always invited him over for anything other than studying, which is why he never made a move first, always allowing you to approach him and take him in whichever way you wanted.

that is how he was once again moaning into your mouth, trying to catch your tongue in his as you pulled your hands out of his pants, wanting to unzip them all the way through. so far, the most you and chan had done had been patting under your clothes and making out for a few hours, but it seemed like you wanted to go further this time.

chan felt like his heart was about to pop out of his chest, lifting his hips in order to help you take off his pants. what he hadnt expected, though, was for you to unglue yourself from him to throw your dress over your head before finally sitting on his lap. he had never felt the heat of someone else's body atop his like this before. he felt like he was burning.

"channie ..." you began. "why wont you touch me? you like how i touch you, dont you? dont you wanna do the same?", you pouted as you led his hands to your torso.

he gulped, breathing heavier than ever. "i- yes. wanna- please, show me. i-i dont know how, i-..." was his reply. he lowered his head, feeling embarrassed at being the ripe age of 23 having never felt the touch of a woman in this way.

"i know, channie. but it's okay. i'll show you."

with that, you let go of his hands momentarily to throw off your bra, quickly grabbing onto his hands again and placing them on your tits, "touch them channie," you breathed out, "touch them and rub them. it'll feel so good, i promise."

chan was frozen in place, eyes glued to your chest. he had never felt himself harder in his life. he'd obviously seen breasts before. both in class and through a screen (and he had maybe pictured yours sometimes before going to sleep..), but he had never felt the softness of them in his hands, nor the pebbles that hardened against his touch.

he followed your instructions, moaning at the way you threw your head back due to his fondling of them. your reaction made him intensify his touches. his actions had caused you to start lightly canting your panty-covered hips against his strained boxers, making him feel even more lightheaded. he decided to take initiative for once and lowered his head towards your chest, groaning as his tongue made contact with your nipple.

you let out a loud whine at the sudden contact, immediately pushing his head closer to your chest and grinding against him with more force now. "f-fuck channie. yes, please keep doing that. shit," your moaning kept driving chan insane, thinking about how desperate you must've been for him to have such reactions to his inexperienced touches.

you continued like this for a while. chan licking and sucking at your nipples while you whined and ground your hips against his. eventually this proved to not be enough for you, causing you to drag his face away from your chest and push him to lay fully on the bed, pinning his hands over his head.

"channie .. can i make you feel good? both of us. can i make us feel good?", you shallowed, delirious at the thought of finally meeting your end while with chan. the previous times you had met you had dedicated your time only to making him cum, wanting to warm him up for you before prioritizing your own pleasure.

"p-please. fuck. you dont have to ask. you can do whatever you want, just- a-argh fuck ..." his speech left him as you interrupted him with harsh grinding of your hips, the angle allowing his length to drag against the entirety of your pussy.

he hadnt known how warm and wet it would feel, having only ever felt his hand (well, now yours too) for the past few years. despite having his boxers and the light layer of your panties in the way, chan felt the heartbeat of your pussy pulse against his swollen dick, making all thought leave his head as he planted his feet on the bed and began to carelessly grind upwards against you, no rhythm to his movements but focused solely on chasing pleasure.

you humped against each other like animals, breathing into each other's mouths until you began to crave his taste, licking into his tongue as he threw his head back at the act. you lifted your head a bit, encouraging him to do the same and then directed him to stick out his tongue for you, which he did. you then began to lick and suck on his tongue, making him shake at the nastiness of it all.

he grabbed onto your hips, madly digging them against his with all the strength he could muster. you felt yourself get even wetter at the sheer force your cute innocent loser boy was using due to the pleasure clouding his mind, knowing that you'd cum any second now.

"'m gonna. fuck. gonna cum, channie. cum with me. please," you begged in a high whine.

chan had no willpower to respond and instead did his best to nod, once more throwing his head back as he came, you following soon after.

the aftermath consisted of a very exhausted chan being unable to move or process what had happened. you laid on top of him for a few minutes as you both caught your breaths. you were the first to speak up, lifting yourself off of him a bit, "sorry, i think i might've gotten over-excited," you chuckled, "id been thinking of that for a while. was that too much?"

he smiled moonily as he looked at the ceiling. "god, i hope we never finish our project."

n/a: not proofread aaahhhh sorry

[halcyon-digest]

2019

Art Klaudt: Visiting my girlfriend (now wife) for the first time

Anonymous 1: choosing name

ava: every weekend in the spring taking the train downtown by myself and going to the record store and eating at the local pizza place and feeling very happy enjoying the independence

kate: I did acid for the second time in my life on the 4th of July as part of my partner's friend's tradition. It started off nice, out in a park by a lake, but then everyone decided to go to Wegman's for some reason RIGHT as we were all peaking. Let me tell you, do NOT go into a Wegman's on acid. It was so overstimulating. I remember needing to go to the bathroom and passing a rack of magazines and the repeating faces freaking me out. And just telling myself "I'm not gonna freak out, I'm not gonna freak out" while I did my business and got out. Then everyone wanted to ORDER FOOD for SOME FUCKING REASON which required TALKING TO PEOPLE and REMEMBERING WHAT TO SAY and I was like man I cannot do this. I tried to calm down outside and my partner ended up walking me back to the friend's house to chill out. (I learned later that the other two guys were also freaking out at this time but trying not to show it. lmao) When I closed my eyes I was seeing like a hyperrealistic hyperbolic burger bulging towards me and folding back in on itself. At a certain point though I looked at my partner's eyes glowing in the light coming through a dingy window and realized how gorgeous he would look in a brown suit. I told him this repeatedly and I stan by it. He needs  a brown suit. He would totally rock a brown suit.

Anonymous 2: my final for one of the few classes i hadnt dropped out of yet  in college consisted of going to a bar in the north end and playing the songs we had practiced together in front of a bunch of uninterested drunk people. it was cold and wet out but the most fun i had had in years

Lucas: I remember being in debate club, going to practices, and my debate partner

Anonymous 3: Watching a photobooth video recording of myself recounting a story of a pigeon I'd seen on the day that I made the video on, the story being my sense or feeling of the pigeon's subjective experience of her life while I sat on a bench and watched her. In the video as I told the story I started crying. In the memory I am watching that video impassively.

Anonymous 4: Chemistry I, connecting with a good friend Logan

superswag: cool vibes

v0w0v: My friend's funeral. He died the night I got back from a road trip. I remember the day of the funeral, the people I was with, "friends", left the funeral early. I had to leave too, because I gave one of them a ride. Back at their apartment, they said they wanted to watch a movie. I put on his favorite movie. They said to turn it off because it was too sad. Nobody there knew it was his favorite movie. Then we watched "Megamind". My eyes felt like golf balls.

Anonymous 6: Welding together a broken art exhibit and feeling a searing pain on my arm as I accidentally burnt myself.

Anonymous 7: starting a tumblr with instruction from my new pepik friend.

binnie: getting to give a go at living with prior mentioned LDR and not long after experiencing psychosis and not being allowed to live with her anymore.

Anonymous 8: Having a short but intense and emotionally abusive relationship

April M. Mildew: Happy Easter. You ruined it for us because you hate us. When they are done yelling I am lying in bed and drawing a picture of a cartoon deer. I think that this new idealized self will finally make me feel whole. I don't know if I've already stopped going to high school or if that's yet to fully fall apart.

[geekbarprincess]

The start of an addiction (?) / Damn I hate being sober

One time when I was 14, my aunt’s cat hurt his leg while I was at her house. She had to take him to the vet. I was home alone at her house. She had a weed pen that she didn’t smoke much because she has asthma. Whatever. I was like, ok I’ll hit it because I’m soooo cool. And I did. A few time. I recorded too of course. I mean I didn’t show anyone and I don’t think I told anyone but I wanted to remember.

Ig that’s something about me. I like to capture moments, to remember things. I have a bad memory. I hardly remember most of my childhood. Ig my memory really starts in 2020, freshman year. I mean, the memories from then don’t really feel like they were my life. But I can remember some things from then. Anyway, yeah I like to record and take a lot of pictures because it helps me remember things that happened.

Anyways, I hit my aunts pen a few times when I was 14. I didn’t even know how to inhale. It was a total waste. I smoked basically whenever an opportunity arose. I never inhaled though. I didn’t know how still. I was dumb. In 2021 when I was 15, I found my mom’s pen. I lived with my mom so I had easy access. Well, all I found was her battery. I had found a cart on my aunts house a while before and had been hiding it for months. But then when I found my mom’s battery, I was set. I still didn’t know how to inhale or really even how to use the battery. Whatever

Later on while I was still 15 my other aunt taught me how to inhale. I know that’s bad. I know it’s bad for any adult to introduce kids to any substances. But I’m really glad I’ve had this opportunity. I had my mom’s pen still and that same cart because I hardly hit it. Or I took really small hits. Well anyways I started smoking with my aunt more. Not like all the time but when she would offer it to me I would say yes like half the time.

I don’t really know how I got to the point I’m at right now. I can finish 4 carts in 3 days. I’m going to try to remember though- when I was 16 I had lost my mom’s pen? Or no it wasn’t working good anymore so I gave it to my friend. Funny story- her brother sold it to someone. Wow. I could’ve sold it. Annoying. Well anyway, I stole my aunts pen because she hadnt hit it in like a year. I just took it. Later on she was looking for it to give to me but I had already had my time with it. We had a sweet time together, but unfortunately I lost it while waiting for my aunt to get me after hanging out w my friend. I swear to god I put it in my pocket or smth and then it was never seen again. It had a full cart too. To this day I am still sad about that.

Well whatever. In 11th grade I lived with my aunt and her bf gave her 2 old pens that she could’ve given to me. And I would get carts whenever I could. Actually hold up….

Before my aunt knew that I was smoking without her around, me and my friend used to meet up w a plug. We got carts after school one day. I stole a battery from my aunt, not the one that I lived with. She had like a bunch so it was like, whatever. Yk? She wouldn’t notice. And she didn’t. Earlier this year I told her and her bf that I stole 2 pens from them and her bf said “nope, I would’ve noticed if they were gone” like… LOL?? I literally still have one of them…

Well whatever. So yeah in 11th grade after my aunt decided it was ok for me to smoke, she had a pen for me and she would hide whenever she wasn’t home. Usually I would find it and hit it anyway, but it’s okay. I would hit that one because it was hard to get carts for my pen and because my pen wasn’t working right anymore.

Basically my point here is that lately, I smoke weed all the time. The only times I go without it are when I can’t afford it or when I’m in the psych ward. I’m basically dependent. But I’m going to try to take a break so idk… I’ll update 👍