#had too much fun and cause I said so~
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A lil thing for @southernspooks of Coyle and Easterman being silly and swapping clothes~! I had, WAY too much fun with this one XDD Bonus:
#benis's doodles#benis's art#my art#outlast trials#outlast coyle#outlast easterman#Clothing swap#shocktherapy ship#no idea where the lipstick came from and I don't think they know either#btw this ones on me~#had too much fun and cause I said so~#>:3#thanks so much for throwin this one at me tho and hope your having a good day!
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[Start ID. A redraw of the official icons of the ten named slugcats from Rain World, arranged in two rows: Survivor, Monk, Hunter, Nightcat, and Gourmand in the first, Artificer, Rivulet, Spearmaster, Saint and Enot/Inv in the second. Each is drawn in roughly the same pose as in the original art and fitted with speculative interpretations of their biology, and the second image is a âdeadâ version of this. For example, all ten have slug-like rhinophores in place of ears, cuttlefish-like colorful eyes with strangely-shaped pupils, cephalopod-like beak "teeth", expressive barbels or oral tentacles at the corners of mouths, spiny radulas, and the frilly mantle fringes of sea slugs, though otherwise their faces are squishy, simple and mammalian-shaped.
Cream-colored Survivor and yellow Monk both share triangular, bicolored spots matching their eyes (which are tan and brown, and two shades of blue, respectively), small, bumpy fringes, and relatively neutral looks on their faces. Defensive-looking Hunter is mostly a dull orange-pink, though their blobby fringe is a more violent red and their back is purple and marred with lumps. Nightcat is navy blue and flecked with dots of yellow and teal, their rolled rhinophores are a lighter blue, and their shading fractures into stars in some places. Gourmand is almost uniformly tan, their wide, very ruffly white mantle fringe bordered by a spray of white spots, and their beak sticks out from either corner of their smile. Primarily red Artificer, snarling, has yellow markings of multiple sorts, a prominent yellow dewlap and their characteristic dark scar taking out a chunk of its face. Rivulet is a darker blue than usual, with long barbels, red gills and rings, countershading, and a cheerful expression, sticking out their radula. Spearmaster is purple with orange accents, eyes and spots, a large fringe and spines down their back. Saintâs green caryophyllidia are marked by small, yellow diamonds, and their long, thin radula extends far below them. Enot is decorated with mottled red stripes, blue patches, yellow stars, and an uneven and almost cartoonish imitation of blush, though generally the same deep blue as Nightcat, a passive or almost slightly smug look on their face and their rolled rhinophores out to either side.
In the second image, nine of the slugcatsâ eyes are crossed out, indicating that these are death icons. They look fairly the same, with mostly expression differences. Survivor is caught in the beginning of a threat display, a karma flower sprouts from Monkâs side, Hunter is burdened with overgrowing, purple and blue rot, Nightcatâs rhinophores are pinned back, and Gourmand looks mildly disheartened. For the final row, Artificer bites its radula between small plumes of smoke, Rivulet drops their expression, Spearmaster looks very startled, Saint looks almost entirely the same besides half-open eyes and their markings greater in number, and Enot grins confusedly. End ID]
If you'll excuse the unusually lengthy ID: the arena meme introduced by @pansear-doodles at long last after a nearly year-long wip status (or, rather, finished a month ago today to honor my own first time playing it!)
Design notes and shout-outs under cut! :]
The following people are some of those whoâve inspired my designs most since I started this eight months ago (or just inspired me to get a little weirder with slugcat biology), among many others for sure, and I thank them for itâbut this is simply to bring attention to artists I find cool, and in no way an obligation to interact or anything :]
> @saturncoyote , @carpsoup , @charseraph , @gallusgalluss , @bitsbug , @dopscratch , and @0hmanit (and a special mention to dddeerbo and hunterlonglegs, whoâve since deactivated)!
Survivor: Surprisingly the hardest to pin down the colors for, since nothing with its sibling's palette seemed to match up right (I did have to add in a little blue somewhere for Monk, the beginning of making it clear how much Iâm simply going based off of vibes for the colors of scug innards). I consider them, Monk and Gourmand to be part of the same gene pool of slugcats, and even possibly the same colony even if the latter isn't really related, so took a bit of Gourmand's coloring and fit them in with their inspiration: Goniobranchus verrieri. They serve as a bit of an introduction to my ideas of scug traits (i find it really fun how many people have thought to add so many silly sluglike fixtures of biology completely independent of me, buuut here Iâm mostly talking about species variation), and like in-game theyâre pretty average! They, Monk and Hunter have a couple scars sourced from a piece of Joar's concept art that I'm failing to find, those across the bridge of the nose, under the eyes, and across the rhinophores, respectively, and my Survivor interpretation features many on the back of the neck, as a result of survived lizard bites.
Monk: Their coloring is primarily based off the fact that I associate them with blue fruits, honestly, a bit because I was compelled to establish a familiarity with Rivulet, and lastly inspired by the spots of Goniobranchus kuniei (and geminus, less important to me as one of my characters is a kuniei instead, but more fitting). Between the yellow + blue and the circular marking in the center of their face, theyâre meant to bear a little resemblance to an iterator that shares similarities with the characterization Iâve given them, and similar coding of her sibling can be seen on Survivorâs markings around the eyes. As both a âdefaultâ slugcat and one whose campaign I havenât played, though, I canât say I have much more to point out about em.
Hunter: The whole rot thing made for a really fun time drawing them, and while the color change on their back is a result of this, itâs also an excuse to relate them to Babakina festiva, arguably my favorite sea slug (mostly for sentimental purposes). And to Spearmaster, a fellow messenger slugcat, and it serves as a gradient between Hunterâs pink and the âtraditionalâ color of Rot seen in the DLLs. Aside from their affliction, theyâd actually be the plainest in terms of design, as they donât have any patterns or quirks of body type, just the red + purple and strange lumps + possible malnutrition. I canât remember if NSH had created them in particular or just...caught + released or something, but it probably wouldnât be strange for a lab-grown slugcat to be simple like that.
Gourmand: Like the two above, theyâre rather plain in terms of coloring and adaptation, and like the two above, I find that fun. I decided it would be nice to avert the âall slugcats being of the same body type, and Gourmandâs out of place as the exceptionâ thing by just...adding more fat to all of them, really. I did want to emphasize their sheer bulk even so, both fat and muscular (not like I couldnât have still gone further with it, of course, but slugcat anatomy can be a little obfuscating sometimes, and they were intended to look rather plush considering personal size headcanons and therefore the lack of proper gravity), and the thick and flounced mantle looked like a good addition, as per their sea slug Glossodoris hikuerensis. Unlike Survivor and Monk, I didnât attempt to hold their resemblance to any particular other character (which means a little less to balance out the âdefault gene poolâ thing), so those are all the design notes I have for em.
Artificer: The second slugcat Iâve ever played, or finished the campaign of, my favorite for at least a long time, and the first thing I did was give them yellow accents, the shape of which have troubled me slightly (not quite like the spots or stripes of the others). Theyâre both a little more appealing and more explosive-looking to me, and considering how early on I played Arti, actually present in some of my older art. It does give them a little resemblance to Saint (completely intentional, two slugcats with strange relations to karma), as well as the fact that its radula is green for familiarity with one of its children (at some point it was going to have all-green markings, even!). Iâm generous with their scars, partly because it was fun to overemphasize the one on their face and partly because it does seem like a reckless slugcat, on top of the dangers of its explosive abilitiesâIâll probably just keep adding more forever. Mostly-red sea slugs arenât too common, but Hexabranchus sanguineus works for sure. The ridged, yellow dewlap can expand for combustion purposes, or something along those lines. Artiâs where I began experimenting with a lot of the mildly-offkilter features seen in my interpretation of slugcats, as theyâve once again been a favorite from the start.
Rivulet: I've obviously given other slugcats spots, deeply enjoy the bubbly-soda markings of other peoples' slugcats, and thought seal riv would be cute. Despite not too closely resembling it, they've been government-assigned Hypselodoris bennetti, for color reasons and for a couple sentimental ones. Originally, the colors of every scug were meant to match up with the custom colors I gave them at the beginning of their campaigns, (though Arti, Gourm and Spearmy are the only three who actually apply here, since I've only played through half the slugcats: I gave arti the yellow as mentioned above, gourm brown eyes and spearmy light pink spears, furthered by the outskirts pearl accompanying me and that palette all the way to moon. Tolerance training for eternity in hell cause I already knew about the maroon pearl quest). I initially gave them the colors of the bi flag for fun... but with the limited palette of this image, I was left without pink for a while and decided to see how they'd look in red. I then realized how they now wonderfully matched Moon, and besides, red's a sort of camouflage in deep water! As a side-note, the difference between their eyes and those of others always bothered me a little for anatomical purposes, and the cephalopod eyes were probably influenced by this!
Spearmaster: Inspired as much as possible by @notyourfunnyman âs wonderful spearmy: designed in a way that helps it fit in with scavengers, at least between the long sensory tentacles, big ruff, back spines and slightly thin/distended anatomy, a form of defensive mimicry. I always had annulate rhinophores in mind, for a little diversity sure, but mostly because the shape reminds me of radio antennae and communication towers (seems fitting for the comms array and being a messenger slugcat)! I started searching for a real-life slug to give them just by looking up their rhinophore shape...and was met immediately and coincidentally with annulate-topped nudibranchs that fit them more perfectly than I could've imagined: Flabellina and surrounding clades, I think Paraflabellina ischitana works very nicely. The orange was completely unplanned, but there wasnât a place for light pink among the other slugcatsâ palettes, and importantly it likens them to both Hunter and Seven Red Suns a little more.
Saint: I am very much a non-furred slugcat enjoyer, with respect to those who arenât, so figuring out the only visibly furred slugcat was an interesting challenge. Iâve decided that they likely have other, milder adaptations for help in the cold, mainly just more efficient fat storage, and what looks vaguely like fur is instead a bunch of tubercles (called caryophillia, for the second reminder out of three). Their inspiration doesnât have these, however, Miamira sinuataâs numerous yellow and blue spots (not to mention...whateverâs going on with that shape) and general effect of being the only really green nudibranch I could find were probably perfect for a strange green echo. Not pictured, but their beak-teeth are tiny and flat to make a surface for grinding soft food against with the lack of a functioning radula, which is tipped with a specialized spiny âgrapple-hookâ for better traction/grip (not to mention the numerous little teeth running down the whole thing).
(Best part of hiding this under a readmore means edits will be seen by all reblogs, I'm mostly sure, because I completely forgot to mention! The spots on their forehead are simple eyes. Their camera eyes appear closed in-game, I like to believe their complex eyesight is rather poor anyways or otherwise reason that they aren't seeing out of those, and while this was far from her REASON for attunement with the world, it does help compensate for mainly viewing it through a canvas of simple light and dark. This, and the fact that their swapped-out "fur" is not only to commit to a lack of hairs but contributes to sensory input!)
Nightcat/Enot: I guess you could say I found the âthese two are technically the same personâ compelling. (E.g. similar colors, both very strange and enigmatic, and Enot/Inv/Sofanthielâs remark during the dating sim about getting removed from Arena Mode.) I doubt theyâre the only two slugcats in their body, considering humans with DID tend to have more than a few (and I find it very funny that a slugcat bearing resemblance to Nightcat appears in Gourmandâs ending. Theyâre allowed in the colony and Enot isnât </3), and I have to credit @faelingdraws âs art for being what convinced me on it! Their design inspirations come down to trying to balance a few different ideas: making the patterns and palettes of both look oddly similar (special mention to the stars, since those are fun to draw), basing them off of Felimare sechurana and juliae respectively, using blocks of color with the same placement as in Enotâs official art, and specifically making Enot look...biologically reasonable and imperfect, whilst also clearly trying to imitate human displays of emotion (what with...the eyes and blush on that one piece of official art).
Lastly, hereâs just a lineup with notes on body shape and size. Most of the nicknames (existing to give a little more space, thatâs all) are obvious, and while I canât remember why I shortened Nightcat to Nox, it is in honor of my friend by the same nickname :]
#survivor rain world#monk rain world#hunter rain world#nightcat rain world#gourmand rain world#artificer rain world#rivulet rain world#spearmaster rain world#saint rain world#enot rain world#slugcat rain world#rain world#peridots-art#< feels like too long since that last tag's been used. i can say with certainty that the majority of the reason i haven't been just as#active here (not to mention not drawing as often since that's relevant) is just due to my life getting busier with a new school year but i#do miss putting my stuff here! and would like to reblog more on top of that.... so forgive not remembering exactly how to tag everything#(and how to write everything up there but to be fair it's not like long textposts were a staple of mine. i mostly just rambled and it was#fun hehehe.....some of those notes (parts of riv/spears mostly) were written around the beginning of the drawing itself)#OH i messed something up with the drafting and really did not mean to post it while tags were in progress! but regardless. i would've liked#to post it tomorrow to mirror how i was going to post it on JAN 29 a month ago......but it's not like i'm unhappy with this outcome :]#to sum it up really though it's been strange working on this for so long.....unfortunate to not get a chance to let it be seen and keep#experimenting with odd biology much earlier but i'm just glad it's out now cause i am proud of these!! it's been a lot of fun and slugcats#are still my go-to doodles :] if i had to end this off promptly though what's up with that secret pipeyard shelter as gourm that's not on#the maps. connected to vs_a04. doesn't appear on the miraheze or interactive maps for anyone strangely but i've only been there as gourmand#anyway! i'm sure there's a lot i could've said in the rush but goodbye dear reader anyway :]#i forgot spearmy initially. i'm so sorry#peridots-described#< NOOOO THAT DOESNT SHOW UP THERE'RE TOO MANY TAGSS.......
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WAOT WERE U THE ONE TSUKASA COSPLAYER AT MIKUEXPO GIVING OUT MIKU STICKERS TO THE PJSK FANS
THATS ME!!!!! i didn't mean to just give them to pjsk fans help but i severely underestimated how many i should've made and cut out .. so i just ended up giving them to cosplayers or people who said hi to me .... T_T
THERE'S ALSO THIS SUPER CUTE BRACELET SOMEBODY RAN UP TO ME AND GAVE ME AND I TREASURE IT SO I NEED TO ADD IT TO THE POST AND SHOW IT OFF .. WAH!!!! ITS SO CUTE LOOK!!!!!!
#again WAS NOT MY BIRTHDAY. MIKUEXPO TORONTO FELL ON TSUKASAS BIRTHDAY IN JAPAN TIME. SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.#i love your icon cause i saw a garf miku cosplayer at mikuexpo toronto too IT WAS SO AWESOME#i saw snother tsukasa cosplayer in hid school outfit and they had cute star glasses i Need some.#in the future n for cons i think i'll just order stickers to hand out .. cutting them out by hand was so much .....#especially when i did the whole pjsk cast. 10 or so of each of them. my best friend helped and it still took like 2 hours#<- I DID THAT FOR ANIME NORTH I MEAN i think i forgot to post about it here. anyways#i dont plan on tabling at cons or snything cause i just like attending them so much. but#In the future i think i'll just pay to get Nice little prints or stickers made and shipped to me to hand out ...#Sorry they arent actual stickers they're just laminated with tape i did them the night before while crunching for the con the week after.#alliellama#ask#sorry to go on but mikuexpo really was such a good time#when we first got there i was in the merch line w my friends and skmeone came up and said can you do the tsukasa laugh right here right now#but everything we said echo and i was like T_T no im shy ...#and then 2 hours later i heard there was a saki cosplayer there and started running around the venue shouting SAKI. SAKIII. SAKI.#WE FOUND HER IT TOOK ME LIKE 20 MINS which is impressive because there were a lot of people. by god.#it was so fun. we had such a good time i could go on. everyone was so FREAKING NICE. AND GAVE SO MANY FREEBIES. AND COMPLIMENTS.#but i literally only had like ..30 mikus. to hand out. i felt SO BAD. CONSERVING THEM.
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Do you like overwatch - and if so who's your fav?
//long drag of cigarette// overwatch huh.... havent heard that name in years..... i remember her fondly tho...
#snap chats#i did love overwatch for a while IM SORRY#thats why i love rivals ig ..... im already used to hero shooters and all now i just get to play with my favorite dolls jvLEAKJAK#as for faves Of Course i have faves for each role: sigma hanzo zen#zen and hanzo were def my main picks i think last i checked i had 150+ hours on zen and i think 120 on hanzo?#i didnt play tank much once overwatch. ''''''upgraded''''''' to 2 but in OW1 i pkayed dva and zarya a lot#tho at a point i did pick tank back up and i'd play sigma ... i love grandpa..... also a very strong and balanced tank he's excellent#sigma AND ramattra oh my god i love ramattra so much hes so cool ... and sexy Now Who Said That#i actually wanted to be a sym main when i first played OW but i couldnt get into her.. i still think she's cool tho..#mostly cause whenever id join a game we'd need a healer so <:) id pick zen.. but i genuinely love zen too !!!!#he's so fun to play i love me a lil robot monk !!!!! also he has a takoyaki skin and takoyaki is Top Five Food Ever to me#anyway... the last tiem i played overwatch was maybe two years ago???? def a long time#uhhhh honorable mention is reaper ..... of course i love Death. also flanking and kiling as him was just gen fun#and i mean while 76's playstyle wasnt ever my faovirte .. i did think he was kinda fine tho ... yk before they gave him a FUCKASS BEARD#see thats where my disdain for beards began. also that haircut Stop That. What Is That. he looked so much cooler with the mask..#ive rambled about OW enough tho. i could prob go on forever i really did love this game when i played it lol ...
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30 hr headache and counting
#im not having fun#ive been firced to do too much today and i hurt and im tired#and this is the longest continuous headache ive tracked#cause they normally will like stop for 5/6/7 hrs before getting another#but nooooooo#have to have a major headache on thanksgiving when im forced to do stuff#i got such a dirty look when i said i had to lie down because i got so lightheaded#nevermind the fact that i was holding on to the counter and walls to make sure i didnt collapse#its always some form of disregulation on holidays for me and i hate it
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No but actually coming from someone with fine wavy/curly hair who had some hair loss and lots of issue I really and truly wish I could sit down and talk with Chan because he really needs someone who understands curly hair to get him some products and show him what to do and he also needs to stop using heat. Like no straightening. No hair drying. Or at least very sparsely.
#like i think the reason it makes me so Eye twitch is bc I've been in a very similar spot#i get it. i loved straightening my hair loved colouring it too#but i didnt colour or straighten it for a good long while and it did help#didnt cure me! but it did help.#and my hair got back to the spot where i could colour it again without as much issue#and mind you i do sometimes curl my hair or blow dry it for special occasions like im not a be all end all never do anything to it again#person. honestly thats why so many methods and stuff always put me off bc they were so dramatically like NEVER DO A SINGLE FUN THING AGAIN#but with him it'd be interesting to see 6 months with no colouring (including black! black is better than bleach but it still damages!)#and especially no straightening/blow drying etc.#i think that would really help determine if those are the things causing trouble or if its something else#bc hormones and stuff can also do it#like at the end of the day i think hes lovely but its p clear his hair is something that bothers him and idk#i would like to see him get to the point where it isnt as much of an issue#also still ascertain he'd look good with it short but thats just me#anyway Woah long tangent Sorry#its all said with love#also he doesnt have super tight curls like my dad had Tight curls#but his are def more soft/loose so thats a factor too
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Everyone winged in my Wave Family Au now have feather bookmarks, both natural and initial designs!
My lovely twin girls now have theirs to join their older sibling and father!
#from left to right:#laserbeak#flipsides#enemy#soundwave#specifically#tfp soundwave#I should make a nat one for Star so he can join too with having ine based on his design and one in my au#it would eat up my cool grey coloured pencil but he'd be so pretty#and devoid of the blood on his original one#much like the girls!#it's hard to see (intentionally so) but theres traces of blue/cyan on Rosy and Em's bookmarks#'cause one of the timelines of my au is one where they died#and to signify that they had blood ob their bookmarks#no longer with their natural set!#gimme a few minutes and I'll show y'all my Starscream bookmark#i really need to complete the trine 'cause Sky and TC are also alive in my au because i said so#it's based in tfp but i took many liberties with characters lol#that's the fun of au's!#they can be whatever you want them to be :3#feather bookmarks#custom bookmarks#feathers#Laser is based on a Raven#Rosy is based on a spotted owl#Em is based on a brown falcon#Sounders is based on a black hawk#Star. who's not pictured here. is primarily a peregrine falcon base. but I'm not above giving him seagull qualities either :3#TC and Sky are undecided but i can figure them both out as i go lol
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5 AM
Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again đ
#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous#and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep#I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip#I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home#(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today#and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too#BUT I also get what she meant#not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact#a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like#the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes#(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever#same with my mom's hallucinations as well#and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again#which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything#like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds#and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well#which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up#I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today#didn't eat#took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all#had too much caffeine#stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking
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Bruh I NEED to stop drawing this guy
#âthis guyâ being alphonze#cropped so you can slightly see a sketched Ollie lmao#bro im SORRY i just LIKE DRAWING ROBOT PARTS itâs FUN#ok look I was rewatching riptide and in the liquidus arc they said itâs like summer weather and gryffon was wearing summer clothes and I jus#t wanted to draw like not wintery clothes cause I donât do that a lot! and I already had this sketched from the other day so!!!#im also exited to finish this just in general im exited it looks so COOL#im even gonna go a little wild with the background!!! gonna put too much effort into it!!!!!#I need an art tag on here this is gonna get lost to time
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actually being asian to me is having been made fun of for lots of asian things i did before it got cool and now its like. hrmmm ok white people
#⧠chatting !#sorry im reminiscing on my childhoood#my mom used to pack me bento boxes but i would never eat them bc either the teachers wld take them to coo and marvel over them the entireâ#âlunch period or kids would make fun of the food id have ( literally just asian food ) and the presentation compared to their lame pbjs lol#also used to dress rlly cutely as in frills bows and all that jazz cause i loved it so much and my mom liked it too but ppl made fun of meâ#âfor that too LMAO said i was creepy like a doll and shit idfk kids were wild#and then i had so much hello kitty themed stuff and kids made fun of me for that too lol. said it was childish even tho we were literallyâ#âelementary schoolers like wtf lol đđđ#i sound so bitter help. im indifferent abt it now but it sucked as a kid#anyways. yves lore i hated the schools i went to until the catholic one for a few years#yhen i went back to public elementary hated it but then once i got into middle school suddenly everyone liked asian things so it was fine#lol#anyways send post
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Sometimes I get sad and annoyed about things that literally don't matter at all lol
#maja talks#(me reading 5 month old tweets saying the copenhagen crowd for ateez was dead)#like no it wasn't and also it's been 5 months why am I sad about those tweets now LMAO#it does make me wonder what the criteria of a âdeadâ crowd is tho#like someone wrote it was so dead that they could hear the members speaking clearly on their videos#but to me that is just manners? Like it's manners to me that you don't scream when the members are speaking#other people say a crowd is dead when people sit down too much but you can literally be so hyped while sitting down too#other people said the crowd wasn't as loud as other places but i'm pretty sure it one of the smallest crowds of the tour#so what do you expect#people were literally screaming their lungs out when it mattered and sang the songs and stomped(?) on the floor#I guess I just don't understand some people's definitions of a dead crowd#(try going to a concert in Korea then you will meet a dead crowd lol)#again this literally doesn't matter I just got annoyed reading the tweets lmao#again it's been 5 months and the only reason I saw those tweets is because I'm going through a trying to relive the concert phase lol#the members seemed like they had fun (wooyoung even mentioned the concert as one of his faves in an article if I remember correctly)#I had fun with my friends and that's honestly the most important#everybody are inclined to their own opinions#and again this is old news so it really does not matter LMAO#(I still don't think a crowd is dead just cause they let an artist speak and be heard at a concert)
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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents⊠sometimes. But itâs uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasnât caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..
I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. Itâs wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.
I was texting my sister today about it and she said
âI 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesnât realize it cause theyâre still drinking the kool-aid.â
I ran out of tag room and didnât want to delete any đ seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences
#I relate to all of this so much#and itâs so sad how many people truly have religious trauma#I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine#itâs really hard cause my parents still think Iâm a Christian#honestly at this point I have no clue what i am#even if I end up still being a Christian that doesnât help or heal all of the years of church trauma#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents#growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold#cause I know thatâs what my parents wanted and I didnât want to disappoint them#but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there#their perfect angel fell from heaven#and I feel like ever since I havenât been really their daughterâŠ. Iâve just been living on the outside looking in to everything#it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith#it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally#the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church#when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with#wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was#YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for somethingâŠ. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away#and the thing is I donât necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly itâs just the environment they grew up in too⊠like Iâm 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life#but wonât get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didnât need to#^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop#sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma#yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse#sure Iâll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? itâs 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 đđđđđ#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while Iâm dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past#please donât get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I donât blame them - they did their best#it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didnât grow up in the church or in a super religious family#I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help
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and js i told the gas station man âsee ya tomorrowâ and I havenât even been back rip, hopefully this just makes him yearn for my return and not hate me đ€Ł
#itâs been too mfing much going on#my cat died#and then tn my friends took me out and it was fun but I drank and had a dd so I could not go tn đđ#miss his face#the customer that I said is sexy and supposed to bring me a bourbon sample is kinda simping on me#so#idk#I wasnât really digging into it bc idk about him but I like his effor and attention đ€Łđ#weâll see if he keeps it up#this dude đ€Ł âare you gonna be ok tn? cause your catâ bye đ€Łđ€Ł#he was cracking me up#Iâm not good at this anymore Iâm realizing but I canât be that bad bc these dudes still are into me so I need to give myself more credit đ
#terrifying#I am terrified to put myself out there#or accept anything
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so me and my friend are onto season 4 of X-files now and we got to the csm-centric episode, right. and when he put the sniper rifle up from the window at the start I was like "whoa there. jfk assassination much?"-- and then the flashback starts and wouldn't you fucking know it, csm was the one who killed jfk??
this made me joke about how "what is he, the dark version of forrest gump or something? lmao" (ie. being present at a bunch of historical happenings), and then it seems like I was right because after that, he killed martin luther king too... aND TH E N towards the end, they make a fuckin forrest gump reference???
guys I think I'm finally becoming psychic
#x-files#anyway good season so far#'the field where I died' was another good one#this ep was fun too ngl cause I'm afraid I love to hate this guy#I love how it shows how /weak/ csm actually is#seems like he just gets swept up in shit all 'okay I guess I'm doing this now (hashtag powertrip)'#dude has all the agency over a bunch of others but he has no agency over himself#he couldn't even resist the peer pressure to start smoking. bruh#and he couldn't even follow through with it when he tried to /stop/ smoking either#and then when he thought he was gonna get a big break as an author and was like 'fuck yeah I'll resign from the evil job now'#..but then the editors changed the ending when publishing it so he was like 'nvm. fuck everything. violent path it is then'#that whole thing reminded me so much of john in Saw X too when he thought he'd been cured-#-so he threw away the trap-sketches he was making. guy was gonna straight up quit being jigsaw bc he thought he would get to live after all#wait a sec.... john has cancer and is a villain... csm is called 'cancerman' and is also a villain........ [connecting dots in my mind rn]#but yeah um-- back to what I was saying- this ep somehow made csm a bit less infuriating for me?#cause now we got to see that actually he doesn't have everything under control. in fact it's like he barely has a will of his own#bro has zero conviction. barely any willpower. no life. if he fails at something once- that's it. he'll quit trying forever#he's literally a loser. we love to see it#(also wtf I didn't think deep throat would be the one who argued FOR killing that alien while csm was the one who questioned it?)#(but deep throat SAID to mulder later that he regretted the things he'd done an d he helped the good guys in the end so....)#(deep throat had his redemption arc. love that guy....except for when he killed the alien. that wasn't cool)
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(from crossed-worlds) (Usiku and Wukong) 32. A kiss while someone watches
((One of them is possessive >:3))
⯠kiss roulette | @crossed-worlds âŻ
While Wukong wouldn't say he was oblivious, there were times that he didn't pay attention â clueless sometimes when someone was checking him out or eyeing him in THAT way. Trying not to be obvious as they checked him out, peering away when he turned in their direction. It wasn't that the golden simian wasn't aware that he had an appeal to some and he could admit when someone was attractive â he wasn't blind after all, there had many that had caught his gaze and he couldn't help but admire. Still, he never acted on it nor really cared to, preferring there to be more to it than just thinking someone was hot. Wanting that deep connection.
Which is why he hadn't noticed the gaze constantly being on him, their eyes roving over his figure as he sat. Having wanted to go on another 'date' with his beloved shadow. Taking Usiku to a bar that he thought they both would like â the place casual and fun. Not overly crowded or noisy which suited the two disguised simians just fine in the moment. It seemed though that while he hadn't noticed the stares from the other, his partner had. His own attention on the menu that sat on the bar, trying to decide which peach drink he'd like to order for himself â they all looked so delicious after all. Being drawn away from the selection when he suddenly felt a hand reach out and grip his hip firmly, blinking in surprises before turning to the one seated next to him.
He had been about to ask before he felt the other's fingers grip his chin and crushed their lips together. Drawing a surprised noise from the sage in the moment, softly gasping â allowing Usiku to deepen the sudden kiss. It make his face rapidly heat up and brighten in the moment, shivering softly in response as he returned the gesture all to eagerly. His claws managing to grip the fabric of the healer's shirt. Feeling that all too familiar flutter in his chest and stomach as they sat there, lost in the moment as the bar seemed to fade away into nothing.
It felt like eternity before Usiku drew back, his false golds drinking in the sight before him of the flushed king in his grip. Another soft noise leaving Wukong's lips as he felt that thumb trace his bottom lip. Gods, this man knew how to make him absolutely weak in the knees and he loved it so much. Soft purrs being heard rumbled from him, lost to the noise of their surrounding â but not to the six-eared simian in disguise. Oh no, he could hear them well especially with how close they were in the moment.
"W-What was that for?"
He stammered out lightly, taking a quick peek around to see if any eyes were on them. It wasn't that public displays of affection were something he hated BUT his stage fright made it hard to do anything that would draw attention. Like that kiss for example. Not that he was complaining about Usiku kissing him. Never. Luckily it seemed not many patrons around took noticed and if they had their attention didn't linger long on the two before going back to whatever they had been talking about or doing prior.
"Not that I'm complaining much here, that was...wow."
Ah yes, poetic. Than again, there was no better way to describe that kiss than wow. It was so sudden and oh so amazing â seemingly possessive too in nature. Still words failed to convey just how much he enjoyed it. A fond smile decorating his features as he leaned slightly into his beloved shade just a bit. Completely spellbound right now with him and purring softly away in bliss.
#Here Comes Monkey King | IC {Sun Wukong}#crossed-worlds#crossedworlds#crossedworlds | {Usiku}#anon#anonymous#ask#answered#kiss roulette ask meme#I Just Wanna Be Part Of Your Symphony; Will You Hold Me Tight & Not Let Go? | {Ship;crossedworlds:Usiku/Macaque}#HOPE YOU LIKE NALA QwQ#Honestly; I had way way way too much fun writing this XD#Usiku said 'No looking at MY mate >8C' XD#Usiku making a point by showing a stranger 'He is MINE. Back off.' UwU#Wukong just...he's just enjoying the attention~#Might not know what caused this BUT he enjoying it all the same~#Even if his stage fright wants to ramp up XD#Love them so much~
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like theres not a lot of games im REALLY good at so when there are ones i latch on super hard. and boy have i latched on to this one
#and i think part of it is that im on console and therefore kinda at an automatic disadvantage?#like no matter what you do you still will never have as many buttons or the quick cursor movement as pc#so you have to make do with way less hotkeys and either just Way Less Weapon Options or brute force your way through them#like most ranged weapons are Ass on console aiming them is so frustrating because you cant just Put Cursor On Enemy And Track It#and grappling is so much harder too#like i have played a lot on pc too so this isnt just me going 'woe is me this must be harder' like it is So Much Harder#i had to kinda build my own key mapping from the ground up bc the defaults werent intuitive at all#except jumpâ you dont feel like having jump on a trigger makes sense and then you set it to b or a and then the next time you want to jump#while shooting youre like Ah. Its So I Dont Have To Let Go Of The Aiming Stick To Jump. and switch it back in shame#but ! all of that combined. console is so much harder. so i think my brain was like 'alright well in that case#fuck you im gonna get good at it anyways' and now we're here#also i didnt realize until recently that most people play it multiplayer???#like i looked up something i cant remember what but it was like 'if you like most others play in multiplayer-' and im like#Wait Huh.#and it said something about the bosses kind of being more scaled for multiple players and that#single player makes it harder again#so im just like. clawing my way through mud and barbed wire for fun#its funny too cause i remember the controls thing almost made me drop it again but then one day i was like#yeah they are weird as fuck controls and complicated as hell but i bet if i did it long enough i could force myself#to learn it well enough to make it instinct#and sure enough !! like the grapple button when i first set it to b it was sooo hard to use at all#forget shit like grapple dashing or grapple dodging i could barely aim it while walking#and then i realized i had to just. only use the grapple when i could be pointing the movement stick the way i needed#so i couldnt use it as often or as versatilely as pc but i can still use it to some degree#adapt achieve overcome etc i fucking love vibeo game#sorry if this is bragging or weird im just very proud of the amount of skill in this game ive built up so quick#its my one (1) thing right now#my other ones are binding of isaac (not dead god but still p fuckin good tbh *tucks hair behind ear)#splatoon (2&3 specifically salmon run)#but those ones arent really active right now
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