#killing my self multiple times about this actually /jk

[heyitslapis]

Hmmmmm post-drunk cringe

[whyse7vn]

SEVEN -

[ ot7 x reader ]

sevendaysafreak

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

tae: we are watching jungkook slowly become alpha

namjoon: can you be normal today

jk: do you really mean that bro…

tae: with all my heart..

oh my god i’m tearing up

this is what being a real man is about

jimin: begging for pussy??

jk: I DID NOT BEG??

hobi: you harassed that poor woman for a whole week

yoongi: all for a hand hold

y/n: crazy!

tae: okay??

but it was literally real as fuck so does it matter??

jimin: it was real fucking sad

jin: personally if i was her i would of called the police like sexual harassment hello???

yoongi: right

namjoon: it was a great song jungkook

jk: > //// <

i’m blushing

that was me blushing

and i giggled a little

smiling rn

hehehehehe

namjoon: a thank you would of done it

jk: thank u >.<

jimin: she should of punched him

jin: was there need for an explicit version like??

we got the point the first time

i didn’t need to hear how horny you were for a second time

hobi: he just wanted to swear

tae: no he’s just real as fuck you wouldn’t get it

jk: real as fuck

yoongi: ig it was real as fuck for jungkook

he begs for pussy on a daily

jk: proof?

hobi: by bts

y/n: i’ll leak our dms

jk: DON’T DON’T DON’T

i’m sowyy 😣

jimin: i’m gonna punch him

hobi: fucking seven days a week doesn’t seem right

is that not how you get an std?

jk: no?

yoongi: is that not when you fuck multiple people?

y/n: you fuck multiple people jk?

jk: NO?????

jimin: why is ur no a question

hobi: suspicious

jin: jungkook has crabs

tae: that’s a real man disease

y/n: that’s gross

jk: i’m real

jimin: real itchy

namjoon: can we not talk about stds pls

y/n: i bet jay park has a couple of those

jk: ???

jimin: REALLLL

jin: that’s why him and jk are friends bonded over the burn

jk: i’m not his friend anymore

y/n: character development okay!!!

yoongi: was that bcs he stole from you?

jk: stop talking to me rn

jimin: OMG GUYS

yk i had the worst dream ever yesterday tae was in it

tae: and?

jimin: wdym and

tae: i hope you die

namjoon: pls don’t wish death upon people tae

jimin: yeah tae

tae: all of you can fucking die idc!!!

not jungkook tho he real as fuck

y/n: say real as fuck one more time and i’ll snap ur neck

jin: hot asf

yoongi: ew?

tae: nobody wants to see us winning jk it’s sad 😞

jk: i’m sobbing 💔💔😞😞💔💔

tae: they literally told us to kill ourselves

namjoon: literally no one said that

jimin: in fact YOU said you hope i die

jk: he could of meant by natural causes

tae: right i would never tell you to kill ur self that’s sick and evil

yoongi: kys

tae: ur not going to heaven

yoongi: aw man 🙁

hobi: what if we put tae in the electric chair

jin: what if we put tae and jungkook in the electric chair

jk: wtf ☹️

tae: i could easily survive the electric chair it would feel good to me actually

y/n: i’ve been telling you guys for years we need to lock them up

do you actually read the bullshit they say on a daily it’s actually insane they need help

like professional help

jk: i didn’t even say anything

jimin: you don’t need to

we just know

namjoon: i agree

we could send them to a camp

or something

tae: why are you talking about us like we’re not RIGHT here

jungkook get them omg

jk: i can’t go to camp

too much raw air exposure is bad for my skin

and i have a dentist appointment soon

yoongi: raw air?

jin: how soon is ur appointment?

jk: so soon that i can’t go to camp

tae: JUNGKOOK STAND UR GROUND

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

REPEAT AFTER ME

WE WILL NOT BE PUSHED AROUND

namjoon: tae shut up

y/n: right

tae: i liked it better when you guys just ignored me in this gc

now all you do is be mean

jimin: maybe u deserve it

*you definitely deserve it

hobi: stop talking then idk

yoongi: i will gladly ignore you again

jk: i love you tae i’ll listen to you talk

jin: jungkook the biggest dick rider ever

tae: he’s my little dick rider ���😍❤️

hobi: yeah definitely stop talking

namjoon: okay!

y/n: oh my god

jimin: ???

yoongi: um

jin: this is what seven was really about

jk: bro..

tae: lol

jimin: you're really gorgeous i would deadass fight 3 mountain lions in a mcdonald's handicap bathroom stall with my hands tied behind my back and my only weapon is a shake weight glued to my forehead just to get a chance to get to know you and take u out tbh

jin: nurse he’s out again

jimin: wrong chat lol

tae: and you wanna put ME in the electric chair

ur all out of ur minds

namjoon: you were gonna send that to someone????

jimin: is it bad?

y/n: so unbelievably bad

jk: blushing

yoongi: wow

tae: yikes

hobi: bts never beating the rizzless allegations

y/n: who were you gonna send that too?

jk: was it me?

yoongi: that was flirting?

jin: probably the notes app

jimin: no one

jin: told you

notes app.

jk: it wasn’t me?

tae: i’ll be nice and give you some better lines jimin dw

jimin: the only lines you have are of coke

tae: nvm fuck you stay bitchless

namjoon: leave jimin alone

jimin: right leave me alone

namjoon: he’ll open up in his own time

jimin: i fucking won’t

you guys deserve to know NOTHING about me

yoongi: okay don’t care kys

jimin: i have a crush

jin: i’m hungry

hobi: is this the same crush you talked about like 4 weeks ago??

jk: on me?

sorry jimin i’m already in love with someone else

yoongi: didn’t ask

jk: i won’t tell you who it is it’s a secret

namjoon: a secret from who??

jk: what does that mean…

namjoon: don’t we all know…

jin: i SAID i’m hungry

jimin: all you do is eat like omg??

get a job or something??????

jin: i have a job

i serve face for a living i would suggest you look into it since you have so much free time to BULLY and HARASS others but with a face like urs idk if you’ll make the cut

y/n: wow

jimin: i’m not reading all that 💀

y/n: never use that emoji again ew

jimin: 💀💀💀💀💀

y/n: this is why whoever ur trying to rizz up probably thinks ur a loser

yoongi: is it taemin again?

tae: ew you run back to taemin every 4 months it’s kinda embarrassing

jimin: taehyung you actually need to shut ur mouth

breathing the same air as you is embarrassing

and at least i have someone to run back to you are actually genuinely bitchless

tae: u are taemin’s bitch

so technically ur as bitchless

yoongi: gay

jk: don’t be a homocrome

namjoon: stop talking

jimin: it’s not even taemin so shut the hell up

i’m not talking about this anymore

moving on

hobi: what is your mbti guys

jk: physical touch

namjoon: that wasn’t the question

y/n: just say ur horny and go omg

jin: don’t

seven was actually enough

i will hear NO more about jungkooks sex life

everything i have learnt has been without my consent

my lawyers will be in touch

jk: my lawyers are ur lawyers

jin: not anymore

jk: omg…

hobi: oh my oh my god

namjoon: jin stop facetiming me i’m not answering

jin: pls joon pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee

namjoon: i’m not sitting there for you to look at urself in the camera for an hour

i have things to do

jimin: that sounds like very jobless behaviour to me tbh

jin: you can’t be ugly and jealous pls pick a struggle

tae: and rizzless

hobi: i know ur not talking…

tae: ????

hobi: tae i need you to do some self reflection

tae: okay?

i’m hot as fuck

cool as fuck

and real as fuck

i feel well reflected ty for suggesting that hoseok

y/n: i told you i’m gonna snap ur neck if you said that again

start running

jin: coming to watch 🥰

[annafall]

What is your favourite part(s) about Signalis?

the lesbians /jk

I think what initially appealed to me most was just how tragic the story is (gonna put this under a read-more, it turned out much longer than i thought haha)

You have two people, a girl who was ostracised by society and wanted to escape that life so much she chose never-ending solitude on a spaceship instead, and a work slave with a artificially numbed personality who slowly learns what it means to be a person (or rather, to be the person she once was and how that affects her current existence) and then they fall in love, simply because Ariane felt lonely after all life is good for them! maybe a bit repetitive, but they get to enjoy life to the best of their ability, with the goal in mind "set up a base camp outside of this solar system and establish a life there" and then, after 7 years (and a few months) of living with the mindset "were gonna build a future together", the empire just tells them "yeah actually, we sent you fuckos out there to brag to the other guys, just kill yourselves lol"

and the two just DONT want to give up like that, so they do everything the broadcast told them not to do, ration their supplies, use cryo to skip nutritional needs (they went to something crazy like 15000 cycles if i remember correctly, which is almost as long as the time they spent on that ship before they were told their mission was a sham)

when the ship crashes and it should be over, it isn't. because ariane is half-conscious in cryo, feeling the pain of radiation poisoning killing her so much slower than usual (remember, she had already lost multiple teeth from that before the penrose crashed)

and all ariane has left is the hope to die and to be spared this never-ending torment brought on by a monstrous regime that saw her life as completely expendable

and that's only that part of the game, just the narrative of what brings us to the start of the actual game! all that dread and tragedy in the actual game, of ADLR losing his mind, of FLKR's sense of self slowly distorting, the MYNR unit thanking us in the mineshaft, the way Ariane's radiation sickness is projected onto the people in this version of Sierpinski

i'm also a huge sucker for cosmic horror (especially hastur and dream worlds and the idea of your consciousness transcending your body inside the dream, blame bloodborne on that)

and while i am a huge coward and can barely play this game if i got fallout boy roaring in my ears, there's just so much about the game and its gameplay itself to stand and admire the claustrophobic feeling of the hallways, both on leng, rotfront and in nowhere; the sound design (using just a smattering of ambient noise to help build the atmosphere and then using these big orchestral pieces for those special moments. oh, and the fucking guns, holy shit the guns sound so good in this game. not a fan of guns in general, but WOW)

the setting is also just so delightfully dreadful, i mean how often do you get "regime has a slave workforce that carry scrubbed personality constructs and all look the same to dehumanize them further, so nobody would ever think to humanize them"? and then we get those delightful moments where they ARE humanized (the STAR and EULR units in the mineshaft, for example) and it's just chef's kiss

and the final thing to me is just how much you can brainrot about it, thanks to the dream. what's real? what isn't? who does this dream belong to? whose memory am i seeing right now? is this dream even still accurate to the memory its based on? who is alina and how does she factor into it?

so yeah, wow this turned long, but thank you for the ask! this was a lot of fun!

[your-local-arsonist1]

🃏//OOC POST:

headcannon time!

Explaining the songs on Kaso’s playlist :D also headcannons kinda, uhh slight nsfw mentions I guess, but I don’t really say it outright. Sensitive contents I guess? I don’t know-

Gold Guns Girls- basically his whole life in one song. “Is it ever gonna be enough?”

My alcoholic friends- he’s a heavy alcoholic.

I love you like an alcoholic- basically him and Yukito’s relationship, it’s a bit toxic, but they love eachother greatly.

The red means I love you- Kaso’s a biiiit obsessive over some people…

Wrecking ball- he’s such a train wreck

Problems- it’s just that, he’s got problems.

Digital silence- maybe this is all just some horrible dream? Why won’t you understand?

Cigarette ahegao- always tired, always drunk, he does smoke, his family are dead to him, suffers addiction, and he was gonna kill himself as a kid at one point, what more do you need?

Self care- LITERALLY HIS WHOLE MENTAL STATE RN, inner conflict with his childhood self.

Oh klahoma- one of those songs that every Moeru au relates to, as this summarizes his feelings as a child 

Misery Meat- “I FEEL SO TRAPPED AGGHHHHHHHH” quote Kaso. He’s not forgiving tho tbh

Oh Ana- his flames are so powerful they destroy him, he feels like a god and a bug at the same time, he wants to let the world burn. Ana would obviously be Yukito in the song.

Bruno is orange- “BrUnoOo WhAT HapPEnEd tO yOuR GOoD SEnsE?” Idk some of this song relates to him, some of it doesn’t, especially when it comes to abusive relationships.

People Eater- yum yum cannibalism, nah jk one of his love languages is biting, though I’m pretty sure Yukito is asexual so he doesn’t really do that kinda stuff with her.

American healthcare (glitzy)- another one of those songs that all the Moeru’s relate to, he actually saw a man get killed in front of the liquor store on his way home from school when he was 7. He’s been screwed over by his family more times than he can count. 

Rät-  basically the same as American Healthcare, he’s been screwed over so many times

Deviltown- another one of those songs all the Moeru’s relate to, as it was his whole childhood.

Cupid- he’s been broken up with so many times, so he just kinda became a one night stand guy

Numbers- his whole childhood in a way, and his mental state.

Look who’s inside again- he spent his childhood cleaning the house over and over and over again, stuck inside, now he’s a wanted criminal and can’t go out in public basically at all. Look who’s inside again.

Shit- he feels like shit 24/7

Coffee- addiction to smoking and alcohol.

I’m so crazy for youuu </3- he loves Yukito, out of everyone, he would never let anyone so much look at her funny, though he mostly suppresses his possessive tendencies.

Over and over- “over and over I fuck my self over and under and under I’d do it again” yeah, he does that, also how everything seems to just repeat…

Fighting with the melody- this one also relates to Noxx. Welcome to your fate, there’s no changing it, and I mean I’m also pretty sure the songs about tangoing if you know what I mean, so it’s pretty self explanatory.

Terrible things- he has done some HORRIBLE things…

Dog days are over- another song all the Moeru’s can relate to, as they all had multiple turning points when they realized things would never be the same again

Feel good inc- …just look at the lyrics honestly.

Pumped up kicks- he’s basically a terrorist anyways so uh…yeah,

Ussewa- “SHUT THE FUCK UP, CLOSE YOUR STINKING MOUTH I CANT STAND IT” this song is such a banger honestly.

Dr sunshine is dead- “and if dreams can come true, what’s that say about nightmares?” No villain is sane.

One angry dwarf and 200 solemn faces- he’s a wanted criminal when his family said he would starve to death and die on the streets he lived getting burned to death and proved them so wrong, his main goal is to kill his father so….

Happy face- he’s so smug and cocky, and just an overall asshole, always with a grin or a smirk, it makes sense, also “DEATH ON MY GENERATION”

SIU- “just suck it up and stop complaining, nobody wants to hear your sob story, definitely not me.” -Kaso

Problematic- it’s just that, he’s problematic.

Vending machine of love- *cough* *cough* do I really need to explain this one?

All dolled up- “be gay do crimes” “I don’t wanna be a boy I don’t wanna be a girl” honestly this song just works with him, along with he and Yukito’s relationship.

Dinner is not over- childhood trauma.

We are Young- he gets blackout drunk a lot.

House of wolves- JUST LOOK AT THE LYRICS OML

Thrift shop- everything he wears is from a thrift shop, he’s broke so…also everything in this song applies to him to be honest-

Natural- deep in darkness yet still going, he literally is a “natural”

Teenager- he’s 19, bisexual, and has a death wish, what do you expect.

Moves like Jagger- he knows how to have a good time if you know what I mean 😏😏😏

Just a reminder that Kaso is not a good person at all. I think that’s all of them, if I missed some then let me know-

-🃏the admin of this blog🃏

[aprillikesthings]

So I actually have a (...very overdue) physical/pap smear in a week

And now I'm wondering if I need to go through the hassle of getting properly diagnosed with depression or whatever to get back on wellbutrin or if I can just like, ask

Like "hey can we just do informed consent model on this. In my 20's and 30's I took wellbutrin off and on for years, I know what it can and can't help me with, I know what side effects I get and how to handle them. My ADHD/executive function sucks assssss and I can't bump up my adderall dosage because it only increases my side effects*, and we're about to go into Dark Season and I swear to god every January I self-isolate so bad it's scary and ALSO I'm like 99% sure I'm going into perimenopause and it's making my brain worse. so uhhhhh can you just.....write me an Rx for wellbutrin 150mg extended release or what"

I mean I could lie and say I started smoking again and need the wellbutrin to quit, maybe? hm

(I actually did not know wellbutrin was used for that for ages, but tbh it only has that effect on me at 300mg, and at that dosage I am lying in bed with nausea like multiple days a week for the first couple of months and uhhh no thanks) (that was worth it the year I was nearly suicidal don't get me wrong--as I said to a friend "yeah I'm still in bed all day but at least it's not because I kinda want to die, so it's still an improvement lol")

"have you tried SSRI's" only lexapro. but that, family history, and the time I tried strattera have informed me that if a SSRI/SNRI has the side effect of "killing your libido," then that medication will, in fact, entirely kill off my libido. and quite frankly I would only take a medication with that side effect if my choice was that or like, actual death. I greatly enjoy my libido and orgasms are a consistent source of stress relief and dopamine for me and I am not giving them up if I can avoid it thank you

OH ALSO AHAHAH can't wait to mention "hey I had my first ocular/visual migraine two weeks ago"

So there I was at work this last week, and I got back from break and was like, why does it look like I looked at something too bright but only in that part of my eyes. Huh that's not going away. WOW THAT LOOKS WEIRD AS FUCK. WAIT.

WHAT IS THAT

AM I HAVING A STROKE????

Nope! Scintillating scotoma (which is also the name of my new band! /jk)

Tl;dr: it's possible to have the "aura" part of a migraine without having ....literally any other symptom of a migraine, especially as you get into perimenopause. Happens to like, 1.3% of the population.

The wikipedia page I linked above is great and has several animations/images. But imagine seeing this:

in your field of vision but like, WIGGLING LIKE CRAZY, and it gets bigger and bigger until it disappears, and all within like, half an hour.

I am very glad that googling got me to the right answer really fast, and I'm also glad that every website about it is like "hey if it's visible in both eyes and you're not having other migraine symptoms and it's gone within an hour, this is not a big deal and you'll be fine."

Once I wasn't worried about it and it wasn't in a spot that made it hard to read, it was actually kind of cool???

(and then I wonder why I'm fascinated by hallucinogens, lol.)

But yeah I posted about it to facebook and that's when I found out that multiple of my friends also have these. One said she gets it once a year.

My mom had disabling migraines of the kind that made her cry from the pain, so if all I've inherited of them is "you get to see weird shit in your vision once a year," I'll take it.

Also I know my doctor is gonna tell me it's time for my first mammogram and oh lordy I do not want to. Having firm tits is great up until someone has to fucking squeeze them between flat plates of glass. >:( I just know they're gonna be like "huh your tits are too dense and we can't see shit" cool cool breast cancer doesn't run in my family but endometrial cancer does can we worry about that instead, fuck

(*okay but for real. I do not have bipolar and I have never done cocaine. but lemme tell you. I know what "pressured speech" feels like, because that's what happens when I try a higher dose of adderall and/or take mine twice by accident. and I do not like it. I already have enough trouble shutting up (lol just look at this post) omg.)

ugghhhhh

"gee, I don't know why I'm so tired. I don't know why I'm struggling with basic tasks that I'm usually fine with. I don't know why my body is constantly exhibiting signs of a lot of stress. I don't know why I either can't sleep or sleep too much. I don't know why I'm not enjoying things I usually enjoy. I don't know why it feels like my ADHD meds aren't working. I don't know why--"

oh ffs

I literally looked at that list and thought "how could I be depressed, my life is fine???" as if I don't know that that's not how it fucking works

then again it could be perimenopause?????

either way I should. probably ask to be on wellbutrin again or something.

UGGGHHHHHH

[minjoonalist]

Alexithymia. | JJK +18 [ 1 of 3]

Pairing: Demon!Jungkook x Reader 

Rating: Mature +18

Genre: Angst, smut, SoulmatesAU 

Word count: 17.8k

Description: Jungkook always had a pull to you. An unexplainable connection that brings him to your side daily, like a permanent routine. Is it a hobby? An obsession? Or was the centuries old prince just bored? No… boredom doesn’t make his heart race. It’s not supposed to make him lose his own self control, or fill him with blinding rage, and it certainly isn’t supposed to have him hallucinating the strangest things until it drives him back home for answers. Maybe he just cares too much for you and he thought that it’d be better to wait than to give in, but the longer the prince spends his time away, the more he realizes he has absolutely no Idea what emotions have been festering since the very beginning. What if he could just turn them off? 

Warnings: Cursing, explicit language, mentions of blood, near death experience, some good ole fashion violence, mentions of killing, light smut, Eventual smut, hallucinations, Nipple play, pining, a very pissed and jealous Jungkook.

Song Inspo: Pretty- The Weeknd, Waves- Normani, Softcore- The Neighbourhood, Middle Of The Night- Elley Duhe

Author’s note: This will be a mini series of three parts due to the high word count lol Also In no way am I an expert on demons, all of this is from the top of my head or made up honestly. It’s more of an angsty self-indulgent plot to write demon JK for (several months) so please enjoy and if you want leave your thoughts on it as well! :)

Masterlist | 1 2 3

I. Emotional Arousal

He’s pissed, he was blindingly pissed.

He shouldn’t have been gone for as long as he was and it wasn’t like him to be this stressed about you, running around like a mad man on the hunt. 

The problem is… Jungkook, a high ranking demon with much bigger priorities is worried because he isn’t able to feel you anymore. That’s right, the prince could no longer sense the random human girl or her location while he was working and it was driving him crazy. Sneaking off once again like he’s done multiple times to come find you, but you were no longer connected to him. 

“Angel, where are you?” He growls loudly out into an empty space while simultaneously ripping your front door open and trying to ease down the anxiety filling him.

The loud bang of the white wood smacking into the wall would be loud enough to scare anyone half to death, had they actually been inside. But that was the problem, there was no one here- meaning you were lost, out into the night where anyone or anything would be able to get their hands on you. He had warned you plenty of times about the night life being far more dangerous when it came to the ungodly creatures lurking around and yet still the only evidence that seemed to be left of you anywhere in your entire home, was only a slight indication of your sweet almond scent marking everything you touched. 

Your front door, your kitchen, even the hallway that leads to your living room, it's almost as if you hadn’t been here in days.

Wait...

Noticing something completely off, Jungkook opens his nostrils again. His heightened sense of smell takes in an out of place scent as he walks closer into the cozy space of your living room. It was almost so faint that he nearly missed it in his frantic search. However, It's as if he could see it before he smelt it, another aroma rising from one particular spot on your couch, a spot way too close to where you’d usually be sitting and he’d pop in next to you while you were reading one of those pointless romance books.

It's where he should have found you exactly at this time or at least he knew you’d be studying.

Jungkook couldn’t shake it, the other scent wafting up his nose and taking over yours so much that it began to make his stomach sick and he’d hate to ruin your nice creamy carpet, but now that he was thinking about it, the demon couldn't believe he didn't notice the smell from your front door in the first place. It’s everywhere, following him with every step he takes and it’s so hard to place whatever the hell it could be. 

Maybe…it belongs to another person.

He easily concludes this in his investigation, stepping back from the space and glaring at the spot that holds the unwelcomed presence of someone he couldn’t place. Beyond annoyed, Jungkook tries to rid himself of it, needing to badly follow yours and get a sense of where the hell you could have gone off to so late. 

He does exactly that, turning back down your dark hallway that leads towards the jarred door that was the opening of your bedroom. Your scent was strongest here, driving up his nose blanketing him in a sweet cocoon of you. The sensation drives him wild almost every time, reminding the powerful demon of the human he’d randomly taken a liking to while surfacing from his home one day. 

He couldn’t tell you what made him leave it after a total of only 100 years had passed by, considering he was fairly entertained. He just wanted a change of scenery, tired of the same old routine of tortured souls and being confined to miserable ‘yes men’ serving him just to save face. He needed to roam, move around to new places, even if that meant walking amongst the strange and despicable lives of those who still held them. 

Humans.

He’d only been in your realm for a total of two days, before he’d found himself just as bored as being back with his family. 

Nothing excited him, the weather was unpredictable, sunny one second and pouring down on him the next. The humans were rude, ruder than his clan somehow and he wasn’t sure how many times he would have to hold himself back from easily wringing the life out of anyone else who wanted to call him an e-boy- minus the hundreds of girls, who for some reason, kept mistaking him for a random k-pop idol. 

Jungkook planned to leave within the next moments, having had enough for another century or two, until one day he’d seen something or rather someone.

It was you…trying to open your cheap umbrella in the continuous downpour of rain. What compelled him to rush across the street, nearly getting wrecked by three cars to help you, he once again had no clue and he still didn’t to this day, but as if a magnet had been pulling him along, he ignored every alert of the goosebumps rising on his skin while drawing closer.

Without thinking, Jungkook froze getting near you, a deep shock in his abdomen as his fingers connected on yours once he instinctively reached for the contraption in your hold. As if like magic, Jungkook had taken it and fixed it for you- the tall, raven haired male towering your fair height almost twice and holding out the umbrella you’d  damaged trying to open a few minutes prior. 

“Uh- Here...you’re getting wet.” He comments carefully while holding it over your head, though with how drenched you’d gotten, you honestly didn’t need it anymore. 

You would blink up at him, awe struck with wide sparkling eyes as he stood with hard droplets of rain pelting all over him. “Oh! Thank you… you didn’t have to.” 

He’s seen how your eyes roamed all over him in curiosity. All black attire that began to cling to his body, multiple oddly shaped metals pierced into the pale skin of his ears and bottom lip. He has big almond eyes and shoulder length raven hair pulled half way up into a ponytail, or at least from what you could tell as the rain had matted it down to his head.

From the corner of your eye you could vaguely see the small pieces of ink flowing up his neck that you sure lead to the rest of the hand holding out your umbrella.

The intimidating man with the baby face, radiates a powerful aura you’d never experienced from anyone before. It was almost inhuman, as if you were supposed to fall to your knees the second your eyes landed on him. It made your stomach jump and with that goosebumps eroded your skin as well. Bringing in not only an unknown feeling in you, but also filling your soul with unease, as if you were in a horror movie and you’d inadvertently discovered he was the killer.  

Well, you weren’t that wrong…In no way, was he to be considered innocent, hell you’d probably be horrified in learning everything he’d done, but Jungkook never had any intentions to harm you. In fact even as he walks away from you- the demon could very well say that there was not much else he found himself thinking about besides you after that day. Your cute expression with your light filled eyes, your attractive pouty lips pulled into a shy smile as he fixed the object for you and then... the sharp spike of arousal inside of you the moment your eyes had connected and you replied with a simple thanks.

That was the first time he sensed you, your sweet scent punching him in the nose so hard he almost began to feel dizzy and it brought him a new high with a light buzz, also making his vision darken in effect. It was like having a bucket of fire thrown upon him, his own skin and body heating up uncontrollably from his fingers to his toes. He’d never experienced anything like that before and along with that thought came the excitement he'd been waiting for.

Jungkook discovered something new.

Something that made him crazy enough to purposely run into you a week later while you were struggling to carry a few groceries out to your car or even the next two days after that since he couldn’t wait that long, where he ran into you at the mall, standing in front of you at the food court in a coincidental encounter. 

When he thinks about it now it was almost too obvious and he can’t believe you’ve never asked about that...He was really a full on stalker.

Jungkook always thought about you, bringing you up to his brothers and constantly wondering what you were doing or what you were really like in your daily life. It almost took him too long to realize his obsessive behavior, leaving his duties unattended and finally noticing this craving to have you around all the time. It just kept bringing him back, for more and more- until eventually Jungkook had taken the opportunity to get to know you, fully understanding everything about you as a friend.

He didn’t have many friends…at least not human ones. But, apparently he found you. A random girl with a heart of gold and a soul so pure, it’d actually made him question himself on whether or not he should continue on. It probably would have been best to leave you alone, you didn’t need someone like him in your life and especially not if he would only end up possibly corrupting you later down that line.

...Obviously that idea didn’t last too long. 

It was selfish, but Jungkook still came around more often, your small talks turning into heavy conversations. You both began to hang out and eventually you’d begun to notice how much of himself he didn’t reveal to you or that you never knew much of anything about him as he did you and with that, you’d begun to get wary of him. The mysterious man you’d always had a great time being around, seemed a bit too closed off than you would like and to that extent...reluctantly—Jungkook made the risky decision to reveal the most important part of himself. 

Who, or rather what he is.

 Although the demon was well aware, you weren’t ready to see the unworldly elements of his appearance, he still took to showing and explaining to you the bare minimum of him. Somehow, it wasn’t enough for you to believe him and Jungkook wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or disappointed, because the last thing he wanted to do is to show you his true nature when he barely knew you.

Jungkook huffs, shaking his head at the lost memories as he pushes your bedroom door open. Just thinking about the hardships of your rocky beginning had him cringing before stepping inside, searching around for you. 

He still remembers the rough 6 months it took to get you to come back around, how you were skeptical of him at first and figured it was all a joke until you realized how serious the man was. Fear had suddenly become the only emotion you felt for him and you proceeded to think of him as some crazy asshole. 

Much later down the line, Jungkook can understand why you’d think that. 

He then had to admit that as funny as he found it, he was a little hurt when you told him to stay away from you, threatening to call the police if he so much as breathed in your direction again. Jungkook was not put off by this, because even if you did- the 100 year old demon could easily kill them all within the first five seconds of their arrival but of course you wouldn't know that and he’d never want you to.

Jungkook never wanted you to be afraid of him.

It was just strange however, that while you told him such a request, he could still feel your disappointment in the damaging reveal that resulted in the loss of a new friend. But as you requested… Respectfully, Jungkook went away—at least from your eyesight.

 Of course he was still around, the demon couldn’t keep himself away from you even if he tried. It was physically draining at that time and he didn't notice it like he does now. He was always around, watching over you and seeing you interact with others who weren’t him. For the first time in his life, he’d actually experienced sadness. He wanted to talk to you, interact normally with you, and smell that faint scent of yours that used to give him such an amazing high whenever you were together. On the other end, Jungkook wasn’t going to force you and he would wait for you to come around, somehow knowing that on your end...you kind of missed him too.

He just didn’t realize that day would be more than 2 months later and not in the way he hoped.

By then Jungkook had actually gotten busy back at home and while you were still on his mind, he’d grown to always keep another sense for you- which he didn't know he was capable of. Anytime that the demon had crossed your mind- he knew and he saw all of it. Your relieved thoughts wishing him good riddance, your bittersweet memories of the laughs you shared and even a few dreams he’d managed to sneak a peek at. Some of them were formed from your memories, others were concocted from your fears, and the rest-...well lets just say the demon will never understand why your dreams were perfectly timed to stop whenever you and a faceless man had begun to inch too close to each other. Rarely did you ever have them though and sometimes he wondered what could ever be the cause of them…Though, now he has a pretty good idea. 

There was also another sense, one he always hopes you would never have to use again. One day you fell...hard. A terrible accident of you slipping in your shower and breaking your arm while also creating a lethal blow to the back of your head. In fear you laid on the shower floor, hot water spraying over your injured figure and you couldn’t call for help, hell you were barely conscious enough to.

 Jungkook didn't know how, but he could feel it, something was wrong, you weren’t okay and wherever you were, he needed to be there and fast. The whispers slithering around in his head and an unclear image of you popping up behind his eyelids. It could have been from the silent pleas in your head or the pure emotion of terror pulling him to you, but Jungkook had found you, Appearing out of thin air in a steamy blur of your bathroom and ultimately scaring you half to death in your pitiful state. When he found you, he was so horrified that he didn’t pay attention to your scent causing a dangerous reaction to him and his body. 

His vision went dizzy and his mana began to seep from his fingers, but none of that was too big or too important when he was watching you slowly die in front of his eyes. 

He remembers the tears slipping down your beautiful face and mixing in with the red water flowing down—…red…water? The blood, Fuck, you were bleeding so much!

Jungkook could still remember his panic after noticing the crimson liquid being produced from the back of your head- coating the strands of your wet tangled hair. His breathing became labored as something shifted in him and you were still conscious right up to the point where you could see the shocking changes to his features. Deepening veins crinkle around his face connecting to his pitch back eyes…skin turning a sickening gray as his teeth poked to the top of his lip.

You were holding your arm, the life in your eyes dimming out by the second while looking confused and more terrified than ever as you silently pleaded for this not to be your end. You truly thought He was going to kill you and that realization overwhelmed you completely.

 Needless to say you passed out as soon as you saw whatever was happening to him, eventually leaving him in a hasty and awkward situation to gather you up from your position and covering up your bare body. 

Jungkook’s hands shook unknowingly, feeling your life force fade by the second and he moved quicker, suddenly concentrating enough to heal you and bring you back to your normal state. Which actually might’ve been something you would have wanted to be unconscious for, because there was no way you’d want to experience the smoky black essence that had begun to slither out from Jungkook’s hands and into your head. It was never a pretty process, at least not in the rarest of times that he’s had to use it. It pained him to watch you groan and cry in your sleep, but at least they were signs of you still being alive.

It took a lot of his energy to bring you back from the brink of death, but Jungkook did it anyway, exhausting himself in the end. So much that when he was done- the black blood dripping from his nose, he collapsed next to your unconscious form and waited with you, just for a couple of minutes and then he would leave when he felt you were okay.

He overestimated his impulsiveness, those minutes slowly turned to hours as time passed and it was purely unintentional, he couldn’t find it in himself to leave you. The more Jungkook stayed by your side the more he had begun to feel comforted by you and the less he felt panicked by your sudden injuries, nor by the idea that you would slip away permanently.

When you came to, in your bed later that night, you’d tried to write it off as a horrible dream. However it wasn’t and  you quickly came to that realization, because he was still right beside you on your bed, watching you and holding your healed figure so tight you were sure it would eventually cut off your air intake. 

He felt your inner turmoil, the anger, the relief, and another feeling he couldn’t quite decipher. All he knew was that your heart was beating way too fast for him to keep up and that your scent had gotten just a little stronger.

He wondered if you could smell him the way he smells you, reveling in it and inhaling as much as he could before you’d eventually push him away again. He knew it was coming any moment, Jungkook could feel the fear and the confusion, knowing that you were aware of the dull pain emanating from the back of your head and your arm. You still had your memories and it was baffling how quick you came to the realization that absolutely none of that was in your mind and Jungkook was actually something that wasn’t meant to be a part of your mundane life.

Yet, by the look of the crimson blood staining his shirt and your bed sheets…there was some explaining that needed to be done.

Jungkook knew you had many questions and were probably still too shaken up to figure out which one you wanted to ask. Not to mention that he was still the last person you wanted to see, so he didn't mind your uncomfortable state in his arms. It wasn’t until time slowly passed again that he’d heard you speak to him for the first time in months with your actual voice. He couldn’t help but hold his breath to your soft tone, so small and precious…it made him melt inside. 

“The last thing I remember is… my shower.” You hesitate, well aware how much stiffer he’d gotten as it connects to his ears. Jungkook’s body froze intensely from hearing you and although he was excited, he couldn’t bring himself to answer because he refused to think you actually wanted to speak to him. He wondered if that was all you truly wanted to say, still feeling the huge mix of emotions, because you had to have noticed the blood over his shirt.

“Is that…my b-blood?” You had so much fear asking that, lip trembling at the thought as your eyes zoned in on the out of place stain.

 “Unfortunately, it is Angel.” He swallows.

Your eyes water, scoffing at the ironic pet name. “Am I dead?”

He frowns and shakes his head, even though you couldn’t see him. It’s probably best if he answered you honestly. “You… were half dead when I found you. You almost didn’t make it if I hadn’t helped…”

You peered at him lost. “How did you know?” 

 He shrugs with you still in his arms “I heard your voice call out for help, it was so sad that I followed it and… it led me here. I managed to stop the severe bleeding to your head, but your arm may hurt for a couple of days. I’m sorry, I didn’t have enough energy to heal it fully.” He then cautiously explains it to you as simply as he could and you try your best not to let your tears drop in front of him from the recent thoughts. 

“Don’t apologize, I-It's not like you had to help me.” You say more embarrassed than anything.

You nearly died and you were actually saved by a self-proclaimed demon. The same one who’d transformed into something horrifying right before your eyes, but is also holding you close to him for dear life, as if you were his only comfort. 

Jungkook…the man or thing you insulted and told to stay hell away from you and he’s the very reason you’re still breathing. What does he want from you? He didn’t have much of a connection to a random person like you. Is he watching you? 

“I know, but I wanted to.” Jungkook hesitates after another long silence...anxious to ask you something that's got him on edge. “Are...you scared of me?” 

You nod, making his chest burn in response and at the time Jungkook didn’t understand why he cared so much. 

“I was at first when I thought you were here to kill me or that I imagined you before dying.” You sniffle, your weary voice then following. “b-but, I think I’m just confused more than anything. I don’t understand why or how you helped me.”

I don’t understand you. Is what you were truly thinking and Jungkook could very well say the same thing.

You were beginning to think you were going crazy, letting yourself feel safe within his arms and allowing some unworldly creature into your life under that title. But in the moment, underneath all your fears and doubts, you were actually happy to have someone there who cares for your well being-even if he wasn’t human. 

You live alone and your estranged family is miles away from you, making it highly doubtful that no one else but Jungkook could have found you before it was too late. There was no telling what could have happened to you if he didn’t and that thought had stuck with you even within the next couple of weeks that the man had disappeared again.

 There wasn’t much else you’d seen of Jungkook and whether you noticed it, you had begun thinking of him more often once he was gone. He always saw that night replaying over in your mind continuously even while he was too busy with his duties. There were a few times he swore he heard you call out to him again, but every time he ignored his urges. Watching the images of you in his head and keeping a safe distance until he’d heard you again within a desperate rush. 

Why the hell does he keep hearing you like this? And Jungkook never stops himself from following it.

When he found you, this time it was you and your co-worker Min Yoongi being held up by what looks like a hooded man pointing a weapon towards both of you. He could tell you’d just come from work, that hideous uniform making its first appearance to him and he mentally swore one day he would burn it.

Which Jungkook definitely did. Twice.

He takes his time to assess the situation and the look of concern coming to his friend’s face. He really needed to act fast, before it all goes wrong, the both of you being in serious danger. Well at least not for long, not after he’d taken the liberty to come behind the robber too fast for you to comprehend. It didn’t take more than two seconds before the both of you heard a sick crack of the man’s neck, followed by the clatter of his gun. In the next second Jungkook was gone as well as the robber, leaving you and your friend baffled in silence.

“What the fuck was that?” Yoongi frowns, stepping from in front of you to make sure you’re alright. You shake your head feigning innocence while also willing your heart to stop the erratic beating as your mind replays the whir of a tall and dark figure appearing and disappearing with what you assume to be the now dead offender. 

“I don’t think I could give you an answer for that.” You swallow, still processing the moment.

You tried your best to push away the panic after that event, but something deep in your gut was telling you it was possible and for some reason you hoped that was the case. Was that? No way...You would immediately think of only one possibility which of course would lead back to the only abnormal thing in your life and that was Jungkook. 

He saved your life again, you quickly realized and from that moment, there wasn’t a day that passed by and you didn’t think of him. Sometimes he could even feel when you wanted to call out to him again, your questions still left unanswered as to what happened that night and why your friend suddenly couldn’t remember a thing the next day.

As much as he had tried to ignore you like before- your cries had become stronger than ever by the day, beckoning him to you- especially when he’d begun to feel a deep sadness in you as time had passed on. 

Jungkook didn’t like this, he’d never sensed it on you before and it was so strange to feel it from you so often. He’d gone back to watching over you himself, seeing you be so lively in front of all your other friends and masking down the unknown pain you’d been feeling for a while. 

You felt alone.

Apparently you’d felt that way for a very long time. When you were by yourself, he felt your true emotions- even when you took it upon yourself to go out one night to a bar. 

Jungkook couldn’t stop himself from following you, watching in the background once again ( truly not his proudest moments.) and seeing you drink yourself to the point where you couldn’t tell your left from your right. At first he didn't think too much about it until he heard your slurred words leaving softly from your mouth, though they should normally be swallowed by the deep bass of an upbeat song blasting throughout the dark scene.

Jungkook felt his body go cold, your face stricken with despair. It was enough of an image to tug on his emotions, which strangely had been harder to keep a control on. 

He kept on watching you drink consistently, more and more as if you were trying to drown within them. Being drunk wasn’t a good look on you and especially not when so many others were watching you with ill intentions. By others, he means...the rather unmerciful creatures hiding amongst your kind. The ones who could easily be drawn to the purest part of your soul and would then run off with you somewhere else to devour you without batting an eye. 

Unsurprisingly, that disgusting thought had Jungkook caving, knowing any of them could easily be apart of his bloodline.

It had become unbearable to watch you continue on like you did and without much more thought, he’d left from his dark corner, hiding him well within the crowded space. The demon maneuvers around the multiple bodies on the dance floor, making his way across the lively building and heading your way once he’d notice an unpleasant scent of another too close to you. 

Jungkook searched, his enhanced eyesight flitting around the dark scene until he saw it standing beside you and leaning comfortably against the table, blocking any way out for you. A sick grin is plastered on its face as it talks nonsense in your ear and it was disgusting to see the murderous intent hidden well behind its eyes, but not from Jungkook. He could see well within its blood driven thoughts, if not, what would even be the point of his high ranking if he can’t see every move of the underlings.

“She’s mine. Fuck off…” Jungkook growls deeply under his breath in a menacing manner. It's all he has to say to have a horrified look replacing the creature's smug expression. 

Those murderous eyes, flit around the room and towards him with nothing but fear dancing behind it’s pupils. He’d barely put any effort or authority in the command, but it had heard him enough as if he was standing right beside it. Jungkook’s dark essence encased the creature within it’s head and it swore it nearly saw the prince ripping the life from its body.

Just like he wanted…honestly they always had the weakest minds to access.

The creature had conveniently taken the form of an attractive human male, most likely looking for its next meal. He didn't give a damn what it had planned for you but what he does know is that if it isn’t gone by the time he was walking up to you- the creature would never have a chance to blink before Jungkook would have fulfilled exactly what was seen in it’s head.

The creature was smart when it took off afterwards. It disappeared within the next second, no questions and especially no hesitancy within the prince’s presence. You’d frown, wondering where the random guy had run off to, before a familiar scent of mint burned strong in your nostrils and your blurry eyesight was able to make out a familiar face standing right beside you out of nowhere.

“Boo.” He whispered and your body was stiffening. Suddenly you could hear your heart beating rapidly in your ears and it felt as if someone had knocked all the air out of you as you flinched back.

“Jung-kook…?” He could barely make out through your grumbled pronunciation.

He sighs at the unfortunate situation. “You should be home, Y/n-”

Before he could finish, you’re letting out a strange giggle that was swallowed up by your extreme intoxication. Your eyes half lidded when you slam your hand down to make your point and you swung it towards him. “You are wat-ching me. I-I knew it…I felt it.” 

He grimaces from the hearty burp following those words and the redness of your eyes staring somewhat in his direction. Of course he was watching you, he never stopped …and you knew that? You couldn’t have.

 “Y/n, how many do you see of me?” Jungkook goes on to ask, waving an inked hand in front of your eyes that you definitely weren’t following.

You then squint as if you were thinking hard about the question. “Ummmm...di- you always h-have a twin?” You hiccup.

The man suddenly frowned under all the ruckus and music...There was no way you were getting home without him.

 How are you suddenly this reckless?

Irritated, Jungkook grabs your hand without warning and leads you out of the area with haste, before anyone or anything could target you again. He then leads both of you out of the club and onto the sidewalks of the dark, empty street. 

You tried your best to keep your stomach down, groaning as the big scary man walked both of you out of sight and into a dark alley beside the busy building.  Thankfully you were too drunk to comprehend much, that meant Jungkook didn’t have to go through the miserable task of walking you home. Instead, all he had to do was keep you beside him- an arm grabbing you and pulling you so close, anyone would assume both of you were just an average couple. 

You two are most definitely not…well you were pretty normal, Jungkook was the one that just couldn’t stay away from you. 

He doesn’t know if it was because of how pissed he was or maybe he was just too focused to pay attention to your heartbeat speeding up from the close proximity, but he definitely missed your audible gasp from the move.

It clearly didn’t matter, the one goal he had for that night was to make sure he got you home safe. Which, technically... he did- but it wasn’t as quick and simple as he’d foolishly hoped it would be.  

The only way to describe your sudden transition, would be as if the both of you were just walking casually down the alley way of the city and when he hugged you closer, a two second blur passed over your eyes and you were suddenly walking through the entrance of your apartment. There was no sound, no sparkles or magical effects to signify the inhuman move...just him.

Jungkook immediately removes himself completely from you, stepping away to another part of your living room as if he couldn’t stand to be any closer. 

“Go to bed.” He then suggests, with a somewhat disappointed gaze. 

Somehow... that hurt both him and you to say.

You pout suddenly trying to sober yourself up and you didn’t want him to go away again. You wanted to know more, you couldn’t understand why when you shut him out and clearly wanted nothing to do with him.

“ But I-...you...?”

Normally there would have been more fight in you from the command, but with the after effects of all those drinks, your body felt as if it was ready to shut down any moment.

Even Jungkook could sense your low energy, watching your uneven stance  as you were swaying side to side but ultimately trying to keep yourself awake enough to say something to him. The man was seriously starting to question why he even had such a strong pull to you- but the second he noticed your body swaying a bit too far for his liking, all those thoughts had shot out the window. 

 Jungkook had sprung forward from the distance he tried putting between both of you– catching you within  unreal speed before your entire body could collide with the floor. Instead you had landed safely within his arms, the man groaning in exhaustion that he now had to walk with you all the way to your bedroom, because there was no point using up more of his energy to teleport both of you there when it was only a few feet away. Still, it was never supposed to go this far and you definitely weren’t supposed to meet him again after the last time he helped.

Why were situations like this becoming so damn hard?

It was too late to make sense of it, even in your intoxicated state and you’d just be dumb to think this was a dream. Jungkook, a man who is a demon...and has saved your life so many times that it might as well be a cliché, had taken you home from his own volition and brought you to bed with absolutely no complaint. 

Towards the very end of that encounter, once again you’d managed to thank him like before, drowsy, half-way conscious. You then panicked because when you finally had the opportunity to see him again, You blew it. Drowning yourself in alcohol to avoid the obsessive thoughts you always had of him and the small hunch in the back of your mind telling you that he is always near. 

He’s not dangerous...in-fact you’d know better to think he actually cares about you, but Jungkook didn’t know that you were beginning to understand that, putting your theory about him watching over you to the test and Jungkook had passed with flying colors. 

Meanwhile Jungkook, feeling stupid enough to let you see him again, was ready to leave as fast as possible. He remembers setting you down gently onto your bed and slightly missing the feel of your body in his arms, but it was a small emotion that he could easily bury to the back of his mind. He was ready to let go and maybe even ignore the odd pull to you once and for all until something soft had grabbed weakly for his hand when he’d begun to turn away.

Again, he overestimated his impulsiveness.

He flinches in the process, his guard crumbling so easily and he’s looking down towards his wrist to see you staring up at him with those wide starry eyes he’d first met you with. 

“Please…stay.” Jungkook’s face screwed up in confusion, you were barely able to finish that last sentence before slipping into unconsciousness and letting him go as you passed out with slumber. 

Stay? No, absolutely not. He shouldn’t– he can’t…Jungkook won’t.

He breathes in, encouraging himself to leave and to move his feet, but that never quite worked out. In-fact Jungkook has become comfortable watching you sleep peacefully, your dreams of a faceless man again coming up and he watches them like a movie. Your smile bright as ever, leaning into someone with raven cropped hair and a toothy smile. You both looked perfect together and some part of him envied that even while it wasn’t real.

He’d laid beside you, plenty of space apart, going over every last feature and detail of your face. He was content, the bored void inside him faded and Jungkook never realized how dangerous that feeling was so easy to become addicted to. 

He didn’t know that's where it all began.

Skipping over the next few months of your developing friendship, Jungkook had begun to pop in and out more often whether you wanted him to or not- kind of like this moment and after the past few years, You’d gotten accustomed to it, no longer jumping out of your skin at the sight of a gorgeous demon appearing in your home or at your side to talk to you at any moment. You’ve grown to not be scared of him, you wholeheartedly trust Jungkook with your life and he could say the same. Spending hours of your free-time together, talking and teaching him about the latest trends or simply enjoying each other's presence.

You became a safe haven for him. When Jungkook was stressed, he came to you, when he’s tired he comes to you, and if he was just bored from working…he spent the rest of his time with you. Under all that consistency, there's no one else who could bring him the same kind of peace. He respected you and cared for you, but at some point Jungkook knows it’s grown to be more than that.

 He loves having you around, it’s exhilarating every time, making his heart beat faster than usual and he had to admit the thought of your body against his brought unspeakable, filthy ideas to his mind, but Jungkook had never entertained the idea of truly being with you before and maybe that was because of his inability to think you’d never want to be with anyone else than him. 

 Clearly that had changed.

He realizes that maybe he’d taken that thought for granted, because he really doesn’t want anyone other than you. He’s definitely unable to skip the idea of confessing to you the second he sees you, thoughts of knowing someone was here not too long ago, sending him into a fearsome state and if that wasn’t enough then maybe it was also the pure anger that he couldn’t only smell you anymore but that putrid scent he was beginning to loathe. The mixed smells waft around your bedroom and it’s enough to almost have him losing control, because no one else should be able to touch you.

You are his and his only-... wait, no you’re not…you’re actually just friends, because Jungkook is a dumbass who never made his move. Still that didn’t mean he couldn’t hope you weren’t sleeping with other people.

It feels like Jungkook was walking on a thin line- balancing himself from tipping over. Too much is going through his head, his jealousy and anxiety on your well being confusing him more than ever. Something about this situation is completely off to him and he was more possessive than usual, so worked up that he can’t seem to let himself feel any different as if an invisible force was playing around with him. 

Jungkook can’t think straight.

“I’m getting too worked up over nothing. We’re just friends.” He whispers silently to no one, feeling as the mana lowers as well as his anger. The only problem is, it feels like his body won’t listen to him anymore.

Trying one more time, Jungkook begins to think of you. He closes his eyes, taking in a long breath as the whispers in his head begin to fill the silence. He focuses on them, a blurry vision attempting to get a hold of his usual connection to you, only to fizzle out moments later with no progress. Jungkook goes back in again and tries so hard to reach you, that the energy from it actually triggers a freakish spark to your room and hallway lights, dimming them out completely and leaving him there pitifully within the dark silence.

He never thought feeling nothing could ever be so terrifying. 

Suddenly, his chest begins to tighten and he can't breathe as something overcomes him. A highly noticeable sharpening comes to his vision as Jungkook lets out a powerful wave of frustration. In the dark, while his eyes are being covered in pitch black, the veins in his face surface with the same color. His skin then turns a lighter shade of pale gray and immediately Jungkook panics, closing his eyes briefly before shutting them tight then intaking a deep breath of air.

If you came, you wouldn’t want to see him like this…then again, what if you had someone else with you and you were still with them? What if you brought him back and Jungkook lashes out at him, you’d definitely hate him afterwards. Fuck, his thoughts just went in a huge unreasonable circle.

He shouldn’t be this possessive, but something was clearly telling him otherwise. Jungkook just can’t shake those thoughts. He doesn’t want you to be scared of him again.

You’re allowed to hang with others besides him and Jungkook knew that, you were never alone-albeit you did have few friends including Yoongi, but you were still a highly likable person. He didn’t have the right to question who you were into, but damn if it didn’t have him seeing red or better yet-black at the possibility, especially being that he has absolutely no idea who it could possibly be.

He opens his eyes as his vision begins to get back to normal, his gaze landing on the small but open space of your bedroom. 

Like many times before he’s seen the familiar baby pink shade to your walls, the various bots of random plants he had no clue the purpose of. The cute white vanity on one side of the room and a tall glass mirror on the other where he constantly finds you getting ready. Lastly in the middle- your neatly made up queen sized bed with cream sheets, a thousand plushies and too many matching baby pink pillows to count. He’s seen all of this before and even laid there with you while watching some kind of princess movie called Disney? Whatever, that's not what's important right now and it's not like he was actually paying attention anyway.

Not with you so close to him.

Jungkook couldn’t seem to get the image out of his head- the memory of both of you cuddled together, his arms wrapped securely around your waist and you lying comfortably on his chest as the light from the screen highlighted your soft features in your sleep. A feeling of absolute content washes over him and there was nowhere else Jungkook would rather be than there. He loved the position mostly because it allowed him to feel your heartbeat, and more so the way it would speed up or skip whenever you felt him shift under you as if you were hyper aware of his very presence. It was the kind of feeling where Jungkook would actually think maybe he had that same effect on you like you did him- except you just never showed it and you were surprisingly good at it for someone whose mind is easily accessible. 

Though there have been times where Jungkook would get a glimpse of your thoughts and he had to admit, the shocking images that would randomly sprinkle in once in a while of him—he would immediately regret ever taking a look, abruptly springing up and removing you from him to hide his sudden horniness.

You can’t imagine how frustrating it is for him, when you’re showing him thoughts like that, but he can’t sense your feelings towards him and he gets even more antsy when he can't sense you at all.

Just like this moment.

Jungkook hasn’t seen you in almost an entire month, part of that mostly being the prince’s fault. He’d gone home, a while back, atoning for his neglect over his reign. It was only right, leaving to attend to important matters and clearing whatever he had left undone. However, was that really the only reason? 

Jungkook felt like a coward. Shame entering his chest whenever he found himself around you before that. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, a strong urge inside him whenever he gets too close to you. He’ll never know what triggered this strange behavior, but he does remember the exact day it had begun.

1 year and a few months…

He came just before you did, hearing you huff out a weary breath as you stepped through your bedroom door. When you do, your eyes instinctively scan the space, not disappointed when they fall towards your bed to find your friend waiting in a very comfortable position against your headboard like always.

You pause to adjust, a line coming over your lips to hide your tired smile at the scene of him playing with your pink bunny plushie. In a way, it oddly reminds you of him- cute, but mischievous as he tosses it in the air and catches it to bend the arms gently.

for some reason he always chooses that specific toy.

“You know. If you like Cooky so much you can keep him.” You say walking in further and bending forward to slip your nude heels off of your feet to get comfortable. “I mean he’s practically your twin, except with all the redeeming qualities of course.” 

Jungkook’s eyes snap from the little character and over to you as if he hadn’t been expecting you to walk through the door. You knew he could sense you very easily, so you doubt he didn’t hear you arriving home on a Sunday afternoon. 

You were right, however, Jungkook could always tell when you were close and that was because he could always hear your thoughts whispering to him at random. Like how relieved you were to see him after a long day of faking your social life with a group of your old college classmates you clearly didn’t care for. 

What Jungkook wasn’t expecting, was to see you walking in with a much different attire than he was used to…

“Just because he’s fluffy and incredibly handsome  doesn’t mean you get to compare him to the original.” You hear him say while also hearing movement from your bed as he shifts to face you.

You turn to make a face at him. “He is the original.”   

Jungkook fakes being hurt with a hand to his chest and then tosses Cooky down, back into the spot you had him before. He watches you silently with a curious gaze, as if thinking hard about what he’s seeing and you realize that the second he looks your way, he hasn’t looked anywhere since. That was evident enough when you walked over towards your mirror only to meet his unwavering gaze in the reflection. 

He gives you a once over, face blank of any thoughts and you’re silently trying to distract yourself from the way it had begun to make you squirm. They follow slowly down your back, arching a brow when your dress stops only a few inches above mid-thigh. 

 “I’ve never seen you in a dress like that before.” He comments, but from his expression you can’t tell whether it was good or bad. 

It was definitely good.

“That's because I only wear it when there's actually people around to impress.” You tease and Jungkook then hears you clear your throat from his silent response. Your arms reach up and bend back attempting to unzip the back of the fitted silk dress when a nervous thought enters your head. 

Your fingers were beginning to fumble, suddenly feeling under fire from the Judging gaze and it was strange, because you never truly cared whether or not anyone had approved of the way you looked. Apparently, that kind of mentality didn’t matter when it came to the prince. Then again, nothing about your friendship was normal since the beginning.

After attempting to unzip for an embarrassing amount of time, your eyes are meeting Jungkook in the mirror again, an amused smile being held back as he nibbles on his lip ring from your clumsiness.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” You ask slightly annoyed.

“No, don’t mind me. I’m just watching you at your most impressive.” He nods while folding his arms, feigning innocence. 

You’re immediately rolling your eyes, landing on the inky bulge of his bicep under the oversized black graphic tee. You then realized the kind of rockish look he’d gone for- his long hair, styled half-way back as usual and he was also wearing a pair of black cargos bunched at the chunky soled boots.

He then arches a brow, patiently waiting for the inevitable. You frown, not at him, but more so to yourself for noticing. “Shut up and just help me already.” 

“I didn’t say anything…” He chuckles with a shrug.

“You didn’t have to.” You then grumble as your face heats up. You honestly have to stop giving him opportunities to let his arrogant side through. It feels like the longer you know him, the more aware you’re becoming of it.

Jungkook suddenly laughs, moving to stand from his position when he decides to put you out of your misery. Honestly, it was really easy to get you flustered sometimes and Jungkook always enjoyed that a little too much. 

Suddenly, when he prepares to take a stride towards you, something shakes Jungkook to the pit of his stomach. He’s only one step in when his world turns abruptly and the laugh begins to die on his lips from your reaction.

What…the…?

You didn’t notice his sudden expression within the mirror, dipping your head low to allow access at the top and under your hair while also hiding your slight embarrassment. 

Something had reached Jungkook’s nose…your scent…He- can smell you again, but it’s different. This time it's incredibly strong, wafting into his senses as he takes a step forward and Jungkook frowns  from the odd amount. Each breath becomes labored when he comes closer to your awaiting figure, trying his best to play it off in his hazy state. It was like inhaling a poisonous gas, except every pull became more addicting than the last and Jungkook felt like he was losing more of himself within it.

You’re completely clueless, staring off to wherever your mind has gone, probably keeping yourself preoccupied with whatever wasn’t Jungkook. Meanwhile, his body was becoming  exceptionally hot stepping behind you and he held his breath, casually reaching for the lodged metal trapping you within the soft material of such a beautiful dress.

A sudden image of him taking it off of you comes to him and he frowns from the rush of the sight- adrenaline flowing through his hands. Where the hell did that come from? He thinks a bit worriedly and brushes it off as fast as it had come. Jungkook then tries to focus and fiddles with the zipper, successfully freeing the material that was caught in between and on accident, exhales in relief only to breathe again. 

Now, Jungkook felt really weak.

 A light buzz fills his head when he allows himself to smell again. Something within his vision then blacks out, causing him to blink multiple times as his eyes darken in effect to adjust. He grips to pull on the object fully until he’s mildly aware of the sudden movement within your reflections. At first it’s too subtle, but his hyper senses had his skin prickling with unease and there's suddenly a deep chill up his spine.

Jungkook tenses further, slowly looking up to find that you’re staring straight into his eyes un-moving and almost lifeless. He’s stuck, unable to free himself of whatever creepy trance your pointed gaze had him in and all the heat within his chest had begun to move down into the pit of his stomach- creating a fierce hunger inside. 

“Is something wrong?” You tilt your head, a strangely confident look flashing in your eyes as if you were silently taunting him. Your face hides an unknown emotion, egging him on to continue and its shocking shift from your personality before. Almost terrifying. 

“Jungkook-?”  

His heart nearly plummets from the way you say his name.“-No everything is fine.” He barely mumbles, unable to look away within your stare. 

 “Then why did you stop?” You ask, interrupting him. To Jungkook your voice sounds much different. Thicker and lower as if you were purposely making it that way and completely different to the normal lightness it usually had. 

“Should I keep going?” He asks, confused.

 It feels like a strange tension had fallen over the both of you so suddenly and with the way Jungkook couldn’t ignore your sensual pull, his breath is once again caught, watching you cutely bite your bottom lip and say.

“Touch me…”

When those words fall from your lips, your eyes are slowly being  covered in pitch black as your innocent smile turns into one of seduction. He notices by the way you both stand there closer to each other, how much your chest had begun to rise harder and there was no mistaking the lust behind your intentions.

This can’t be real.

A desperate look then falls over your face and expression becoming hooded, making his own eyes widened in shock. He then flinches, eyebrows dipping when your body inches closer to his.

“Y/n? Fuck, why are you looking like that?” Without thinking, he lifts the inked hand, pressing to the middle of your back and holding down the silk material- but something stopped him from moving, like a red siren flashing back and forth inside his head. 

He swears it was meant to hold you in place, but the contact of you against his hand burns, shooting all the way up his arm.

“Please, Jungkook.” Your hands fall onto the mirror in front of you, purchasing there while moving your ass back onto him impatiently. You were then pressing your thighs together, a fucked out expression on your face that he’d never seen on you before.

Why does this turn him on? He shakes his head, but the movement feels like he hasn’t moved an inch. However, that soon becomes another case when he’s moving again. Like a mind of its own, Jungkook’s hand slowly began to lower the zipper without his doing, it was like he was having an outer body experience.

He breathes harder, watching the peaks of your soft skin as your dress slowly begins to unravel from your torso and he’s pretty sure he’s harder than ever- stifling a groan as your ass rubs against his crotch, burning him wherever the both of you touch.

He couldn’t think, slowly giving in to your soft whimpers whispering within his ear and your dress was beginning to fall down further, revealing the swells of your breasts. Your nipples are hard against your bedroom’s air, the visual tipping Jungkook closer over the edge and he can’t help himself but to do exactly what you’d asked of him.

“Touch me now Jungkook.”

“Okay.”

This shouldn’t be happening. Jungkook’s body was bending to meet yours, his hands slipping forward and underneath what was left of the silky material covering you. Instantly, he hears your voice coated in sugar as a moan falls past your lips, feeling his large inked hands palm your chest and pressing your back into him.

His mouth instinctively lands to the column of your neck, your head leaning further to allow him full access and Jungkook takes advantage of it, placing wet kisses here and there, sucking as his hands begin to knead at your supple breasts. He tugs at your nipples, hearing a squeak from your end and feels his mouth water, wondering what you would sound like if he was actually fucking you in this moment. Would you scream his name if he had his cock buried inside you, your hands gripping his hair between your legs?

He wants to experience all of it, the dark desire of ripping off your panties and rolling his hips against your ass over and over just so he could watch the both of you in this mirror until you were cumming around him with only his name in your mouth.

“Jungkook...it’s too hot.” You’re gasping, arching your back and he loves the way it falls helplessly from your lips, so gentle and sweet.  

Jungkook feels one of your hands reaching back for his hair, fingers searing his scalp as they tangle within it. He nips, sucking on the skin and biting down as a shiver racks through you. 

 “I’m fucking burning.” He agrees and continues through the sweet burn of your skin on his mouth, trailing behind your shoulder and down your spine- listening to the sweet melodies of his name coming from your mouth just as one had starts to leave your dress and caresses up the skin of your inner thigh.

So close, he’s so close to feeling you and he didn’t know he wanted to this much.

“Jungkook, please.” 

“Yes, Angel.” He gives a kitten lick to the small of your back, fingers finally reaching towards the top as he was nearly drooling to tug your dress off. 

Just a little more–

“Jungkook?” You frown at your daydreaming friend.

“—Huh?” As if suddenly jolting awake, Jungkook sees you lift your head with innocent eyes, nothing compared to what he’d just been through in the last few seconds. Your scent isn’t as strong to him as before and you were definitely still fully clothed, waiting patiently for him to unzip the back of your dress just like before.

What? How did he get right here? His heart races to understand.

You scoff. “Were you seriously not listening to me all this time?”  

Jungkook’s mouth opens slightly, speechless when you’re rolling your eyes in the reflection as a playful glare makes its way onto your face. “If this is your way to act cute from what I said, it’s not working. Are you going to unzip me or am I going to have to call Yoongi over to help?”

Jungkook tries his best to recover, unable to form any words or thoughts after whatever was just imagined in his head. He had you, your breasts, your body writhing within his hands, begging for him and none of that was real- but it sure as hell felt like it. The worst part is that he suddenly really wants it to be and there's no denying it from the slow tightening in his pants.

Jungkook then releases a shaky breath, trying to come up with any kind of solution as to why he saw that, but nothing comes to mind. All he knows is that he wants to get far away from you as possible right now.

He clears his very dry throat. “Sorry, something came over my thoughts. What were you saying?”

Jungkook watches your eyes snap to him again in a blank stare, instant fear shaking him to his core at the Deja-vu of the gaze. This is until you had a beautiful smile gracing your features and your eyes shining like stars instead of that chilling black, showcasing a smug humor within your gaze along with a small amount of something behind it.

A different emotion Jungkook would continue to push down from then on, but first he needed a long and cold shower.

He feels utterly helpless.

What kind of a dumbass leaves for an entire month and can’t find the one person who anchors them to the closest thing they could call love. Your connection to him was too weak to track. It made him worry, like a dark cloud was falling over him without seeing you as much and he’d almost begun to feel the emptiness of his existence again.

He suddenly sighs to himself in the middle of the silent room, but he was sure there was nothing silent about the way you actually had his emotions bouncing off of the walls. Jungkook still couldn’t control his anger and he definitely couldn’t shake the dark paranoia of you being with someone else while he was gone. 

Is Jungkook too late? Did he miss his opportunity too many times?

The man had been gone for a while...but, at least he warned you first. He actually took the time out of his day to tell you that he would be going back home for a few days. 

Then again, those days slowly turned into weeks and the weeks turned into a full month of no communication, because at some point those thoughts of you had begun to feel so real and with no warning. They were uncontrollable and Jungkook figured having some time to himself could help, but that's his fault because he blames himself for ignoring his growing feelings. 

Now he just couldn’t control them…

“...Jungkook?” 

 The black blood inside of his veins freezes over his body as the familiar voice of someone that wasn’t you, sounds within the thin walls of your bedroom, followed by a very familiar scent. He doesn’t want to turn around, even with his high level of mana but odds are he would be greeted with someone he didn’t want to see and now really wasn’t a good time.

Not while he couldn’t think. 

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” He asks hesitantly. 

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I’m checking on you as always.” The silver haired King speaks up from his stance. “I hope you have a good reason to be standing in the middle of your girlfriend’s bedroom, aren’t you supposed to be home right now?” 

“She’s not my girlfriend.”  Jungkook slowly turns his head, his back stiffening in effect of his anger still residing within him. Right there within his smaller stature Min Yoongi’s coal black eyes stare away at the Demon’s face.

 The shorter, but much stronger man walks in skeptically and Jungkook doesn’t say anything, while staring at him like a wounded animal in the dark. “You can spare me the consistent bullshit on how you’re just friends with her for once. I watch over the both of you all the time, I’m not dumb Jungkook.” 

As if he’d just noticed something odd, Yoongi feels a powerful surge completely out of place and radiating from his tortured friend. It’s almost enough to have his full body going on alert, his concentration centering on one conclusion and Yoongi isn't sure how he couldn’t have sensed Jungkook before he got here. 

“You-…why do you look like you’re ready to rip someone’s throat out?” He then points out, not as a question but more of a statement. 

“Because I am.” Jungkook turns towards him. He breathes, trying to get a grip on himself for his friend’s sake. “I came here to see Y/n, but I can’t get a handle on her. I’ve been getting this terrible sense that something is wrong and…I can’t feel her anymore.”

“You want to see her looking like that?” Yoongi points to him as a scowl comes to his face. Jungkook’s eyes were pitch black, skin pale and fingers shaped into claws. He looks like a creature straight out of a horror movie. Not to mention, that Yoongi can sense a ridiculous amount of Malice coming from his friend. “...-I don’t think that's the best idea right now.”

 Jungkook stares at him lost. “Why not?”  

“You mean besides the murderous energy around you? Or was your deformed figure not enough of a giveaway?” Yoongi asks with an arched brow.

“Hyung. I'm just trying to think.” Jungkook replies.

“Think about what? How not to look like you’re ready to slaughter your girlfriend? You can barely control your thoughts, let alone your body.” Yoongi seems to ignore what Jungkook had just told him- concern uncharacteristically filling his eyes as the room grows incredibly colder, literally. “Jungkook how long do you think you can keep this up? If you go see her while you’re like this, there's a good chance she won’t be safe.” 

Yoongi could then see all of Jungkook’s energy rolling off him in unnatural waves, the dark aura slithering and seeping out of his body all around your room. Even he isn’t sure he’ll leave here unscathed, realizing he stepped into a complete shit show…Dammit Yoongi might actually be too late.

“Relax. I’m pissed, not blood thirsty. ” Jungkook clips, a frustrated hand running through his long raven strands as if he was feigning, Yoongi could tell it was quite the opposite.

He then scoffs, “We both know that doesn’t mean anything when it comes to someone like her. She’s not one of us Jungkook, with the state you’re in- you’d be lucky if you don't consume her within the first minute.”

Jungkook’s stomach suddenly churns from the fear firing within the pit of it, chest puffing from the irritation that the man across from him was causing. He inhales deeply, the image of your face coming to his head and somehow that not only calms him, but makes him even more frustrated than before.

He’s aware of the possibility within his control, but there was no way he was going to get any work done if he couldn’t tell whether you were actually safe or not. All he’s been able to concentrate on is you, even though he wasn’t around you for an entire month.

So in conclusion his distance from you has only made things a lot worse.

Jungkook finally huffs in denial. “I wouldn’t think about hurting her.”

 “Then why do you suddenly look so afraid?” Yoongi steps closer warily. “You’re losing control of yourself, aren’t you? You should have listened to me last time when I suggested you go see Hoseok. Instead, you keep brushing this off…sooner or later you won’t be able to. ”

Yoongi isn’t dumb and he knows how badly Jungkook wants to see you, but he can’t let that happen, at least not yet while Jungkook wasn’t in control of himself. The man doesn’t realize how big of a mess he’s made, not only for himself- but for you as well and as infuriating as it is, Yoongi is trying his best to diffuse the situation before he has to explain to everyone how he let the youngest member destroy his only relationship.

Jungkook exhales, attempting to release some of his anger once again, but it feels like nothing is working. Not only that, but the more Yoongi tries to convince Jungkook, the more he’s finding this entire situation so odd and completely infuriating. He just wants to see you, that's all and he can control himself, he's sure of it…so why the hell is it such a big problem? “I look like this, because I don’t know where the hell she is. Hyung, if you’re going to make things worse, just leave.”

“Well you may not remember this, but you already dragged me into your petty situation. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t taking that seriously, unlike you I take care of my responsibilities Jungkook.” Yoongi deadpans the obvious. “You wanted me to protect Y/n, this is me doing that...Even if its from you.”

Jungkook sighs dismissively as something begins to thin in his patience. 

“You don’t have to protect her from me. What part of this seems like I don’t care? Because as far as I am concerned- there's nothing more important to me than seeing her and witnessing with my own two eyes that she’s safe and not out there with some random asshole.” He spits with a nasty venom at the thought, his calm façade cracking with a wild look. 

It’s not like his friend couldn’t tell how he was really feeling anyway...

“-What?” Yoongi blinks before narrowing his eyes as he tries to come to terms with what he just heard. “What do you mean by random exactly?”

Jungkook pauses from his mistake and he curses himself. “N-Nothing. Just forget it.” 

He can’t concentrate the more Yoongi talks to him and as much as the king doesn't want to be affected, he can’t help his own confusion from Jungkook's behavior…he seriously thinks you’ve moved on from him?

“Jungkook, please don’t tell me you’re here right now because of your possessive impulse to Y/n’s life.” Yoongi asks in a desperate manner and trying to mask his own sudden anger.

“If I say no will you go away?” He rolls his pitch black eyes in return.

Yoongi frowns bemused. “We both know I can't make it that easy.” 

Jungkook then sighs, turning completely away from him, but Yoongi refuses to let him brush over this.

 “Look I don’t know what the hell is going on in your head but one thing I highly doubt is that Y/n is seeing someone else- I would know. Not to mention that you’re the one who left for a month and apparently you both aren’t dating.”

“I didn’t have a choice.” Jungkook replies, but he purposely ignores the other part of what was mentioned. He knows that you’re not together, but that reminder always seems to stir something crazy in him every time.

“You do now...Jungkook, You've been coming here for years straight. Everyday you spend either with her or waiting to speak to her and you’re so blinded by the thought of her you can’t even tell what you want anymore. You don’t find that slightest bit odd, your deep obsession with her in your life constantly?” He then steps forward and Jungkook’s chest rises harder as his right eye twitches. “You can obviously see the way you feel about her, what I don’t understand is what made you so damn scared that you’re driving yourself mad because of it.” 

Jungkook’s eyes go cold, clearly beginning to tune Yoongi out, but his words hit a nerve way too delicate, setting off an unwanted reaction in him.

“Fuck off.”  Jungkook clips as he inhales.” I don’t need you to play therapist Hyung.” 

Yoongi frowns standing strong, watching something flash within Jungkook’s eyes. 

“There it is, That same fear you keep ignoring. That's the cowardice that sent you running home weeks ago. If you’re going to keep on this way, you might as well–” Before Yoongi could even finish his remark, the next thing he knew, there was a booming smack to his back-knocking the air out of his chest and a thunderous crack of your bedroom’s wall. 

“Fuck-!” The King growls out in thunderous anger and pain before his fists are balling up and his patience for Jungkook was quite literally knocked from his body. “So this is the route you want to take? Fighting me so you can keep ignoring your problems?” He suddenly stands from his position- glaring daggers at Jungkook as his eyes turn to an endless void of black- mana stretching unbelievably from his body.

“You keep pissing me off, so that makes you a problem to deal with.” Jungkook only seethes in return and the two have a lethal stare off. Neither of them calming from their chaotic temper.

Yoongi swallows the blood wanting to rise in his mouth. He motions towards Jungkook- beckoning him with an invitation. “Don’t forget that this problem can easily kick your ass. Try me.”

Before Jungkook knew it, he was once again lunging towards Yoongi, willing to to pour out his pent up frustrations. However, Yoongi was too quick for Jungkook to comprehend, stepping out of Jungkook’s way and slamming a calloused hand to Jungkook’s chest. Yoongi’s inhuman speed was always something that could catch Jungkook off guard. While the man acted and thought like a sloth- He was probably the fastest of the clan’s bloodline.

Jungkook’s hands then claw at Yoongi’s arms, slicing through his skin with only one strike and ultimately putting the shorter man’s patience below zero. Yoongi brings his arms back ignoring his pain and quickly coming back full speed towards Jungkook’s chest as his fists connect with a lethal crunch to his breaking ribs. 

“Ugh!” The prince suddenly cringes, feeling the incredible force of Yoongi’s assault. 

The King then roars, those hands slamming against Jungkook’s broken ribcage when he sees Jungkook getting ready for his next strike. Yoongi then closes his eyes, driven by rage and he’s lifting the bulky demon up- slamming his back down onto the floor so hard that Jungkook is sure he’d shattered his spine and crushed his lungs all at once. Honestly its amazing he didn’t fall through from the force, let alone damage the hard material.

Eventually feeling a numbing cold spread from his legs and to his head. Jungkook was close to passing out, but the pain won’t let him. He then coughs violently, the pitch black blood in his chest bubbling from his lips as he barely stares up at his friend with an overdue sense of clarity. For a moment, something flashes behind Jungkook’s eyes, an unclear image of a beautiful face smiling and walking up to a familiar figure without a care in the world, Just like you always did in your dreams.

No.

Before Jungkook could form a thought, or bring himself to comprehend the small visual he’d been trying so hard to grasp, that connection was gone within the next second he’d opened his eyes to a pissed but still concerned friend.

Yoongi just brought him to the brink of death… 

His hand is pressed above the area where Jungkook’s heart resides as he watches a sad look wash over Jungkook’s suddenly broken face. Whether it was because of what just happened or not Yoongi couldn’t tell but there was no way he was going to forget about what just took place.

Fuck, what the hell just came over him? Yoongi thinks as he tries to inhale a deeper breath and gather himself from his unleashed anger. It would have been so easy, he could have simply ripped out Jungkook’s heart if that's what he really wanted…but it’s not and that's only because Jungkook is someone valuable to him.

 “...I’m not going to kill you, even though it sure as hell would make me happy right now.”  The elder man threatens while watching Jungkook blink and attempt to stay conscious. Yoongi stays kneeled beside him, his hand on high alert as the black veins running over his skin begin to disappear. 

Yoongi then slowly feels Jungkook’s mana lower as well and he hates that it took him this far to calm him down. Jungkook’s labored breath reaches Yoongi's ears, which lets him know that his lungs were quickly healing themselves. 

“Even if you did, it won’t change anything. Go ahead.” Jungkook abruptly coughs again. 

The moon light from your windows shines down onto Jungkook’s face where the liquid had also begun to drip from his nose. Instantly, Yoongi feels an immense amount of guilt- but it had to be done, he had to restrain Jungkook. The only thing that made him feel worse about losing his own temper, were the words of his brother at that moment.

 “What did you just say?” He then questions with a horrified look, watching the defeat in Jungkook’s eyes.

With an unbearable amount of pain filling his body, a very familiar scent fills Jungkook’s nose, causing a shitty feeling to come to him at such an inopportune moment. He doesn’t smell that disgusting scent with yours anymore…it's just your sweet almond floating alone within the space other than the two residing injured in the dark. He then shifts, feeling his bones pop back into place and bringing structure back into his spine.

The problem was, nothing hurts more than the thought of losing you to another and simply because he didn’t know how to navigate around his own feelings. So much that Jungkook isn’t sure why he’s completely overwhelmed by the weight lifting off of his chest when he wasn’t able to pick up on the foreign scent he’d been smelling all this time. 

“My chest hurts…” Jungkook croaks.

 “I mean…” Yoongi’s brow arches as he looks him over. “ I just caved it in with my fists so that's bound to have some kind of damage.” He jokes.

Jungkook shakes his head, a humorless scoff garbled in his throat. “No. I mean it hurts because I can’t feel her…Part of me is so upset, because I can’t shake the feeling of someone else being involved in her life while I was gone- the pain makes me want to die for giving up.” 

Yoongi doesn’t answer that for a while as he stares down at Jungkook with nothing but confusion. The gears in his head turn when a deep scowl abruptly comes over his face and he’s truly understanding the full extent of the situation. 

“You must be out of your goddamn mind telling me that.”

 Jungkook frowns, clearly offended. “W-What?”

 “I truly hope this girl is worth it, because I don’t know what else could make you act like this much of suicidal dumbass. I knew you triggered your bond, but I had no idea you were this late into rejecting it and you’re only just now coming to terms after you tried to kill me.” He doesn’t mean to but the words come out harsher than he intended. “Like I said I’m not going to kill you, but if you think you’re going to continue on like this- then I can promise that will change. I have to get you to Hoseok.” 

Jungkook’s brows furrow as he tries to stay focused. “What are you talking about? You think I’m bonded to Y/n?” 

“You just said you would rather die if you couldn’t have her, I think that stands within the category of a soulmate.” The smaller man shrugs bitterly.

“I told you before that my connection to her isn’t like that Yoongi Hyung.” Jungkook groans skeptically when he feels his bones shift in his back again and lock into place- healing is such a bitch.

“So you’re telling me that you always stalk the women you have hallucinations of?” Yoongi asks, staring straight down towards him only to see the shock in Jungkook’s eyes from his comment.

So that's it.

“...How did you know about those?” He then questions horrified with a freaked scowl.

“I didn’t, but now I do- which confirms that  the real reason you went home is because they’re scaring the shit out of you right?” Yoongi smirks, knowing he just hit the bullseye. “That's how it starts...”

“You… don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jungkook goes to move, but honestly everything still hurts and he didn’t like the nasty feeling coming to his chest at the sudden realization of his friend’s confession. There hasn’t been a day that's gone by where he wasn’t obsessed with being closer to you and that includes this very moment where he was craving to be around you again.

Yoongi shakes his head in disbelief at Jungkook's denial. “I know exactly what I’m talking about. You’ve been thinking about Jumping your girlfriend’s bones for a while now and instead of acting on it, like a coward, you hid at home within your work. Now you’re an obsessive ass, with an unstable temper that's going to get you killed.”

Jungkook’s head was swimming, trying to take in the information. Something in the back of his mind was warning him as his body no longer felt cold and numb- his labored breaths becoming normal again. “She’s…not… my girlfriend.”

“Jungkook-Do you know what happens when you trigger your bond with someone and you reject it? It fights back.” Yoongi suddenly mumbles as a more serious tone begins to fill his voice again and the sound honestly puts Jungkook on edge as he lays idle on your bedroom’s floor.

“We don’t have one.” Jungkook swallows hard, the taste of blood still evident in his mouth but he couldn’t focus on that. Not with the sour taste accompanying it as Yoongi begins to explain more into his theory. 

“Hey, I know you hate to be wrong, but I think it's time to understand that everything you’re feeling is not okay. Having a connection like this to someone is not a common phenomenon for us. In-fact it's both equally terrifying and liberating.”  Yoongi says with more annoyance to Jungkook’s obliviousness.

He then blinks, definitely taking his current position into account. “Maybe, it could be from the intense pain I’m currently feeling, but hypothetically, if we were to have a connection with each other. I’m having a hard time understanding how any of this could possibly be liberating.” Jungkook starts. “I’m still not sure how you’ve come to that conclusion when I’m swallowing my own blood right now.” 

Yoongi sighs thoughtfully after he finally removes his hand and it runs through his snowy hair. “Scent, warmth, and an unexplainable obsession with the other. No matter how bizarre or plausible- these are all signs of the Alexithymic bo–”

“ –Alexi-… what?” Jungkook cuts him off.  

“Alexithymia, it's where you can’t express your emotional arousal. Therefore an Alexithymic bond and considering how oblivious you are I’d say its a perfect title.” Yoongi answers, arching a dark brow.

He huffs, not believing how this suddenly sounds interesting. 

“Hyung, my spine just cracked itself back in place and you’re giving me a vocabulary lesson.” Jungkook winces, watching Yoongi roll his eyes again and stand from his position crouched over him. The King strides across the dark space giving Jungkook room to get up. His back should be healed by now, but judging from the congested cough- his chest still isn’t fully recovered.

“I’ll crush your lungs again, if you don’t let me finish.” Yoongi suddenly threatens and leans back onto his heel to concentrate. “Our bonds are rare but more common the higher ranked you are. It's like a new obsession, constantly thinking about that person day and night- nothing else matters. However, it's considered a curse for a reason. The second you begin to ignore any pull it creates between you and that person, it will punish you in a very ugly way. You’ll see and experience things you’ve never felt before and it’ll only drive you mad until you’re triggering the darkest part of you to rid it.” 

“Has that ever worked?” Jungkook tries not to ask too curiously but Yoongi knows that hint of fear laced within his question. Jungkook was definitely scared of whatever was going on with him, including how he wasn’t sure if he’d been imagining a new scenario of you running off with someone else based on a nonexistent scent.

“…Well…you can ask Hoseok that. He ignored his bond to Jiminie because he refused to think anything other wise. Eventually, Jin had to step in and restrain him in the process those few years back. We had to take him away.” 

“Hobi Hyung?” Jungkook repeats one of his brother's names when something finally registers in his mind. “ Do you mean the incident where Jimin Hyung got hurt? I…thought he was just sick.”

Yoongi’s eyes show the pain behind them as the memory plays fresh in his mind of the situation, an almost traumatizing thought to think of. “-Technically speaking, he was…but somehow Hoseok found a way to eventually keep it under control. I think the thought of hurting Jiminie again must have triggered something rational in him. He wasn’t the same for months, but eventually the two worked through it. just like I’m sure you and Y/n can.” 

Something in Jungkook resonates with such a horrible fear of hurting someone like you. In a way, it was actually strange considering that the thought had never entered his mind before, but now…He wasn’t super certain of his feelings towards you. Jungkook would love to believe everything is alright, but tonight has only ever shown him the opposite.

Dammit Yoongi was actually getting to him.

Maybe the grumpy man for a friend was actually right and Jungkook wasn’t the one in control after all. For the last couple of months, it's true that the thoughts he’s had when it comes to you have been worrying him. They always came at random and whenever they did, it was not only an inconvenience, but distracting as well.

All that being said, Jungkook still can’t shake the edge he feels not being near you. He’s held out long enough and there wouldn’t be any harm in him seeing you-even if it were for just a second, honestly what's the worst that could happen?

“You could kill her.”  Yoongi suddenly chimes at perfect timing and Jungkook is looking at him with a deeply confused scowl. “You’re wondering what would happen if you stayed right? I can see that look you’re getting again after all I said and you should know how wrong this could go.” 

“Yeah, I do.” Jungkook then suddenly groans from the pain and moves to stand feeling his body continue to heal and get back to its original state. He nearly stumbles back down before balancing himself again and he’s sighing from the entire ordeal. He looks up, taking in a reluctant breath before he stares at Yoongi head on once again. “I’ll leave after I see her and after that I won’t come back until I can fix this. Hyung, please if I go now, it’s gonna drive me crazy and all of this would have been for nothing.”

“Jungkook…” Yoongi starts for the last time until he’s realizing how much energy this is really taking away from him. Honestly they both have better and much more important things to be doing right now, besides wondering how he was going to get his friend laid.

Jungkook’s eyes glisten with a desperate shine, puppy eyes staring directly at Yoongi and he tries hard to keep his stoic expression back towards the other. Yoongi feels the slight guilt from before crawling back into his chest and hates how much influence it has on his next decision.

 “...Fine. If you want to risk your girlfriend’s life, be my guess, I knew I should have stopped you when I first suspected something.” He huffs in miserable defeat, knowing that if he stays- Yoongi is worried he’d actually end up killing Jungkook out of his own irritation.

He really hoped it wouldn’t turn out this way.

“Hyung, for the last time she’s not my girlfriend.” Jungkook steps forward, ignoring the pain that shoots up his spine and it looks as if Yoongi was getting ready to leave. He pauses after pushing himself off of your door frame with a wary look on his face as Jungkook comes closer.

“Seriously, Do you want me to break your back again?” Yoongi asks, rolling his eyes and still trying to push down the part of him that doesn’t want to leave a highly unstable Jungkook behind. However he knows exactly how this might play out and if it was anywhere near what he hopes is the best outcome out of the worst- Jungkook will come back home for help and you will be safe.

Again…Hopefully.

Feeling an end to this conversation, Jungkook begins to consider his options when Yoongi’s presence with all of his mana was gone in the blink of an eye and Jungkook was once again alone within your bedroom- waiting until the moment he could hear you coming through that front door.

He doesn’t know how long he’s stood there waiting for you, but it felt like hours had passed when suddenly a subtle scent hits his nose and he’s inhaling. Sensing a familiar presence that has his heart hammering in his chest, he’s very aware of your front door opening within the next couple of minutes.

 On instinct he moves, thick boots clunking across the hard floor- a shot of adrenaline speeding through his veins when his teeth grow longer and his hands are itching to grab you. He thinks about how he wants to hold you again, inhaling your scent as much as he could. Jungkook could see himself squeezing you closer and nipping on your skin while leaving hickeys all around. He wants to taste tugging on you harder until his fingers were digging into your sides deep enough to- No…he thinks to himself, immediately remembering his unstable form and ultimately stopping himself from coming to you. 

Not only that, but something didn’t feel right…Jungkook’s intentions suddenly felt unclear- just like Yoongi had warned him. He sighs before taking another breath and closes his eyes as your scent hits him even stronger towards your bedroom just like all those times before. The sound of your light footsteps draw near and are drowned out by a rapid heartbeat within Jungkook’s ears.

Yours or his? He didn't know. 

What he does know is that It’s extremely hard when he feels his body going haywire the closer you get all over again. He tries to avoid the darkening within his vision and before you could even sense someone else inside. Jungkook has half a mind to come into alert a few seconds too late before bringing himself back from over the edge. He inhales seeing you, but then opts for holding his breath so that he couldn’t be drawn into you further.

You however hesitate, calling out his name into the dark and waiting for no response. It’s too dark, for you- but he can see you perfectly within it. A pain in his chest from the hope in your eyes as you unknowingly stare directly into his. He wants nothing more but to reach out and hold you, though he knew that couldn't happen just yet. First he needs to calm himself and quickly find that it needs to be done sooner than later, because whatever Jungkook was thinking about a second ago no longer felt normal.

It felt ravenous...

“Jungkook?…Is that you?” 

If there was anything more relieving than clocking out of your final shift for the week- then it was knowing you wouldn’t be doing anymore doubles for a very long time. It wasn’t usual for you to take on so many at your job, but with all the recent call-outs and you needing some extra cash to save on the side, you’d been working your butt off for the past few weeks. 

You sigh tiredly, your entire body screaming of exhaustion and your feet aching in your  shoes by the time you were heading out for the day. Walking out into the night air, you quickly found yourself shivering and felt goosebumps eroding your skin. 

Although you had been running around like crazy, your body easily succumbed to the cold wind breezing by even as you were walking to your car. When this happened, you always blamed it on the hideous uniform you were forced to wear every shift, cursing the cheap fabric that was no help when it came to protection.

Suddenly, you giggled to yourself while thinking of a certain someone who always made it a point to announce how much he hated seeing it on you. “That shirt is too tight, you look like you’re freezing and suffocating at the same time.” Jungkook had once said this to you before, draping his cozy jacket over you afterwards and leaving himself bared to the night as well. At the time, you weren’t aware of the man’s unworldly nature and even now you still felt like a fool when you scolded him for acting so recklessly.

 Originally, you thought your friend to be at least 3 years younger, making it natural for you to be concerned about his health, even if he was much bigger than you. But as time had gone on, you’d soon found out that the sweet boy was not only a demon within his human form, but that he was also a good few 100 years older than you. 

 Oddly enough he just never acts like it...Jungkook was like a arrogant brat in your eyes, but one you’ve come to adore over time. 

Speaking of…You had begun to pout while letting yourself into your car, wondering when your friend would return from his schedule back home or if he would return at all. It's been so long since you last saw him and once it passed the week timeframe he had given you, a deep unease began to form in the pit of your stomach a while back. Is he avoiding you? You’ve wandered over and over with a deep rooted fear overtaking your mind, but then there were times where you could feel Jungkook in the back of your head like before and you knew he was watching over you somehow. You just wished that it would include him physically being here with you and not wherever he’d gone off to. 

You never thought you would be this bothered without Jungkook around, feeling irritable every now and then to the point where you definitely weren’t your normal self. You had trouble sleeping and like now, after getting off of work, you drove home in your car fast and a bit recklessly if you were being honest with yourself. It was as if you were racing against time, a deeper part of you hoping that tonight he’d at least pop in before you went to bed, especially since this would be the first night you actually planned to stay in without him there.

It’s been a while since you allowed yourself to actually wait for him, giving up a while back on his visits but still holding on to the hope of his presence.

 The more you didn’t have him around, the more you had begun to feel yourself get antsy. Why exactly you weren’t too sure and for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to ask. All you knew was that, it felt like you were wasting time- like you actually needed to see him soon before something bad would happen. 

But even when you had made it home in one piece. Rushing up the elevator impatiently and finally arriving before your front door, you were disappointed to open it and be met with a very lifeless apartment.

Out of nowhere, your heart sunk in your chest. Nothing but darkness and silence filling the space until you thought you heard shuffling  and whispering in your bedroom. Immediately you thought them to be heavy footsteps, possibly belonging to a man you knew could produce them with his heavy shoes. Is he back? If he is, you have no doubts Jungkook would be confused to not find you here at this time. You were always home by now and if you weren’t catching up on your studies then you were hanging around with him.

Without thinking, your body was on autopilot, immediately closing the door and walking further along the open space of your living room and down the hall towards the now freezing area which held your bedroom. 

Shivering, you frowned wondering why it had suddenly gone so cold when you always kept your house on a casual 74 degrees, not to mention that you specifically remember keeping your hall light on by accident while leaving in a rush earlier. But as quickly as you were beginning to question those thoughts, your curiosity vanished the second you stood in front of your bedroom’s doorway. 

Suddenly, your body freezes- swearing you were standing only just a few feet away from a large silhouette. You frown, a deep breath being taken as if your presence had a surprising effect as it had on you. You feel your heart pounding in your chest, butterflies from not only fear but the familiar scent of mint hitting your nostrils just as it does whenever he is around. Like the first time you’d ever seen Jungkook, there's a jump in your stomach that came with unease from the intimidating energy you felt while in front of him.

Maybe he’s in there…? You think of biting your lip at the foreign shiver that snakes down your spine. You stood staring into the room for about five seconds, letting your imagination run wild until his name was rising up your throat.

“Jungkook?” You whisper with barely enough sound to leave your mouth. “Is that you?” 

There's no response and part of you should have expected it, you had to be a lunatic to feel so secure that a demon was possibly standing in the middle of your room waiting for you. Then again you were used to the possibility and it was strange to think he’s actually avoiding you. Somehow, that thought doesn't stop you from stepping in closer, your fingers inching towards the switch on your wall to reveal if everything you’d been witnessing was true. With a quick flick you wince, letting the warm ceiling light cast down upon you and to your dismay, find the spot where you swore he had been standing, to be empty. 

You weren’t happy, but you also weren’t disappointed- not as much as the beginning of your week when you’d first been expecting the return of your friend. 

“Oh…”  You sag visibly, a shameful emotion of how much you’d actually felt your heart skip a beat at the thought of seeing him. You then scowl deeper, suddenly feeling the beginnings of fatigue catch up with you and it wasn’t until about  30 minutes later after getting your things settled in, that a sorrowful huff leaves your mouth as your gaze burns through the white tiles of your master shower.

“I’ll be back, just give me a week.” You bitterly remembered him saying this to you as you closed your eyes and imagined him with his bright smile. He seemed so warm and didn’t give off the vibe that something could be wrong, so you were at a loss as to why this had been the umpteenth day you haven’t seen him. 

Maybe he’d gotten bored of you…That couldn’t be it, somehow you could still feel him around, but you do remember how much he had begun to space out while being right beside you. It started out small about a year ago, but eventually you had begun to notice the way Jungkook couldn’t focus or that he wasn’t paying attention to anything you would say when you came near him. It was almost like he’d lost interest in you, but it wouldn’t explain why he would continue to pop in or even tell you he was planning to come back.

Unless…Could someone else be taking up his attention?

 That seemed to be another question plaguing you and the thought not only made your heart sink but whatever emotion was clawing at your chest had spread to your body-ultimately exhausting you in the end. This had been the same thought process you’ve had for days now and there was no describing the consuming despair that overtook you because of it. 

While you got ready and slipped into your bed, you could swear that you were somehow aware of his presence within your home. Without him here, it felt empty and lonely. Whereas other times, you’d be laid up next to him watching some kind of kid friendly movie and having him wrapped around you. You're not sure when the both of you had gotten so comfortable being within such an intimate setting, but it had easily became a second nature that you took advantage of.

You toss and turn in the coldness of your bed. The darkness of the room was now a bit scarier to you and again like many nights before- you found yourself restless. It might have something to do with the fact that your mind was used to the thought of sleeping next to someone else for comfort. But still, why was it so hard to sleep? To relax and let your worries melt away? You’ve certainly earned it after working so hard and if anything you should be ready to knock out at any moment.

“Ugh…” You groan, kicking around in frustration before laying flatly on your back.

You were stressed and somehow more distraught than what would feel normal. Were you seriously this upset over him? He’s only your friend…right?

It’s no secret to anyone who’s ever met him- how undeniably attractive Jungkook is. Long raven black hair that was soft to the touch, piercings on his lip, and earlobes. He was the complete opposite of you, dressed in mostly black while being covered in what you thought were tattoos but turned out to be his natural markings inked beautifully into his skin from his hands, all the way to his chest and back just to signify his bloodline. You only knew that last part because you’ve noticed through the few times you were able to catch the small slips of skin under his shirt, your eyes immediately zoning in heavily towards those areas and there had been plenty of times you’ve wanted to run your hands across them.

You swallowed and brought yourself back from the unusual thoughts of your friend. Quickly, you sit up from your position and there's an enormous amount of guilt brushing along your chest when you realize that you were actually getting turned on by the thought of the demon again.

 Why? It was so sudden....but slowly as those thoughts were beginning to triumph your mind more frequently, it was becoming apparent that it truly wasn’t and there were numerous times, you found yourself thinking of the man. When you would stare at his big smile- tongue dragging subconsciously across those pink lips and the way his eyes would have those small crescents as he did so. He was much taller than you and whenever you hugged him, you had to admit the impressive build of his frame against yours. You never really cared for mint, but whenever you smelled it on him, you felt like you could dive into an ocean of it.

Seriously, what was so special about him? Well besides the fact that he is clearly nowhere near human…and that he’s literally royalty within his family.

Jungkook was always just a friend to you, but one that can easily light up your day with just one look. He’s kind and considerate, two traits that completely contradict what someone would think about a dark creature of his stature. But for some reason he’s always had an attachment to you and it’s so obvious that even you couldn’t miss it…The way he looks at you… when he holds you, his entire body tenses up and he gets all giddy just from you calling his name. He also gets jealous whenever he sees you leaving work with your male coworkers. However, something tells you that even Jungkook doesn’t realize his own strange behavior when it comes to your connection with him. 

What if you were the same way? From the beginning, Jungkook was nothing but a stranger and someone who couldn’t keep himself away while knowing absolutely nothing about you. In a way, while you so openly cherished having him here in your home, you still knew next to nothing about Jungkook other than what he allows and yet…He’s the most important person to you in your life.

 As your breathing begins to take a deeper turn and an overwhelming wave of warmth washes over you, there's two things that are starting to become very clear. First, you can’t stop thinking about Jungkook. You haven't been able to since you walked through that front door and secondly, the problem wasn’t that you were too stressed to sleep-you were just incredibly...unbelievably sexually frustrated and it's fair to say that you’re pretty sure he’s the cause of it.

Two long years since you met him and a little longer since you last had a crush on someone or even just an attraction. Everything that you ever thought you liked in a partner had been completely washed away and that was no thanks to him. A man that thinks Disney is actually the name of a movie, acts like a cocky brat and you were pretty sure his job was to torture souls for a living.

Jungkook. You have a crush on him—Great.  

If anyone could see you, they’d wonder why your eyes had widened to the size of saucers. It was hot and you turned yourself over onto your stomach while instantly hiding your face into the fluffiness of your pillow. Hoping you could drift off into deep darkness of shame.

How the hell did you let him get under your skin?

...

Tag List : @thisartemisnevermisses @vampyjk @taeilmom @outro-kook @bishuthot @mwitsmejk @irissilujm @vickyboo @awesomebabyyoda @hanzyyme @gerim-1995 @i-dont-give-a-fok @hwangheiress @hollyverday @seajae @oishee09 @jolinaprincess @yoongibabs

[hajimine]

LEX’S 2020 APPRECIATION POST PT. II !

— to the lovely moots & followers who i talk to quite often (or pretty much everyday), this one’s for you.

thank u for being in my life, you made my 2020 so so much better. i’m so grateful october lex decided to make a tumblr acc 🥲

i’ll try my best to keep it kinda short 🥲👍

in alphabetical order:

@4fterh0urs — my omega phoebe 😩‼️ ily so much bc you’re both extremely stupid n extremely smart at the same time. u mean so much to me and i love talking to u even if u call me such weird as nicknames every damn day 😃 you’re so sexy n hella intimidating smfh idk how i was able to make u my bitch (JK PLS DONT KILL MEE) anyways, thanks for being a real one bae + you’re the person i block the most, so you’re special ig 😹👍 ily you’re actually such a sap but u pretend to be all tough heh <33

@archivednikes — my solar system, my wh*re (lovingly) hi bae 😣 ok yk how much i love u but. im gonna tell u again: ILYSM!! OKAY??? please know that you’re such an amazing human being and you’re SO incredibly talented. god i love u so much please take care of yourself baby, you’re always so kind to other people and i hope you can do the same to yourself. once again, i am so fucking glad you decided to slide into my inbox that day, because now i look forward to talking to you every single morning. insert grabby hands ilysm <33

@boosyboo9206 — onyx hi babes! i’m so so grateful for you omg u dont even know it. you always manage to cheer me up with your antics and you’re always here to support me 🥺 whenever i’m down you somehow aways manage to make me feel a lil better. i love talking to u whether it’s about sth as mundane as the weather or even your obsession with the word peepers. thank you for being you, please take care of yourself and stop sleeping so damn late. ilysm <33

@ch4jime — chloe bae!! 😁 hi omg ilysm you’re so cute and cool and nice urghh thanks for always checking up on me! i love love seeing you in my asks, you’re such a lovely person to be around. i seriously need to be better at dropping in other people’s inbox, so just know that i’ll work on hanging out on your blog more often this year bc ily! i wish u all the best and please never stop being you baby mwah <33

@fairyoomi — hi bae 😣😣 how are u?? i know we don’t talk much anymore, and that’s okie, but i still wanna write u this lil note because i’m so thankful i met you here on tumblr. you’re an amazing writer and u were so sweet to me even when i was a teeny blog who didn’t know anyone. i admire u a lot, yknow? thanks for being such a friendly and welcoming person, ily <33

@gu3to — mochi bestieo 🙀 idk if you’ll even see this smh so i’m just gonna text u after this (if i don’t forget to rip) okay so. hello?! you’re so mf cool and you’re a trendsetter 🤩 yes yes im fueling your god complex it’s bc ily smh. you’re so dumb i wanna choke u sometimes but i won’t bc i’m also just as dumb 😁 pls stop disappearing from the face of the Earth okay ilysm you always keep it real and i know i can always count on u to listen to uh... my shit. okay so when are we gonna make out? 🤨 oki bye <33

@hoekageyama — wifey!! maddie baby urghh yk how much i love you, you’re one of my earliest moots im pretty sure? and aaaaa i’m so so glad i decided to be weird as hell and slide into your asks that day (pancreas. sighs. iconic.) you’re my numero uno whenever i wanna bark about hot 2d boys and what i’d let em do to me coughs err yea hehe. please take care of yourself baby you’re such a sweet and kind and loving person and i’m so glad to have you in my life. smh we text each other lovey dovey texts anyway but i still wanna do this for u 😋 ilysm!!! <33

@honeyskawa — lani baby hi! i know you haven’t been super active lately, but i just wanna tell u that i appreciate u so so much!! you honestly made my goddamn week when u sent me that ask about how i inspired you bc what the heck?? never in my life have i expected to have such an impact on someone. you’re a wonderful writer honestly. i love u so much and i hope everything’s going well baby, i’m excited talk to u more whenever you decide to be active on tumblr again <33

@jougogo — kaybae hi!!! you haven’t been on tumblr much lately but hi sexc it’s me lex lol i’ve moved accs hehe 😎 i hope u see this whenever u get your phone back cries. you’re such an amazing person to be around, always so cheerful and friendly, you exude so much positive vibes and ilysm. you always manage to lift up the mood with your sexc self and i admire u for that. you’re so incredibly chaotic and fun to be around ahrgehxhh i appreciate u sm and i hope you’re taking care of yourself bby ily <33

@kemochie — my waluigi, my favorite f*rry, hi 😝 urghhh god we just started talking everyday pretty recently but god. you’re so funny??? and i love bullying u bc u give me so much material to bully u with (ok jkjk i love u that’s why i bully u smh) also, you’re so incredibly supportive and u were actually the one who pushed me to finally post that atsumu fic, even tho stupid me accidentally deleted it LMAOBSBD anw, u bring sm joy in my life, so thank u for that. we’re a small lil filf and you’re the milf to my dilf LMAO ilysm mwah!! <33

@kenmaki — gabbae! virgo bestie!! hi hi !! you’re such a talented person and you’re an amazing writer, and i hope one day u can get past your insecurities and see yourself as the wonderful person u truly are. i love how we were able to relate to each from how similar virgos think + our initial conversation of dick measurements and such will forever be seared into my memory. and congrats on getting a daily railing on the dash HSBDH i don’t look at em i promise lol 🤩🤩 jdbdhdh ilysm bby <33

@miyams — ren sweet babie hi! you’re so incredibly talented please don’t listen to stupid hate anons. i’ll stab them with a serrated knife if i have to 😠🔪 you’re so flippin cute and sweet i love talking to you, and i love love love whenever u come by my inbox to say hi. i hope we can talk even more in 2021, my dms and asks are always open for u bby (even though i suck at replying right away, sorry abt that huhu) i love u sm baby please take care of yourself <33

@miyasangel — ardie bae 😜 hi sexc!! i still cant believe we talk like everyday now lmaoo i used to think you’re so freaking cool (i still do) and now i’m friends w u whattaheck 🥲 you’re such an amazing writer wtf. i hate that we had to start our friendship on such a sour note (ehem discord ehem) but i’m really glad it brought us closer together. ily cockarden i’ll be sure to bully u even more HAHAGS IM JK makes out w u so hard bc you’re so damn hot ily 😣‼️ <33

@owlywrites — owly baby hello! ily so so much and you’re so talented, you deserve so much recognition. i hope i can read more of your fics soon bc they’re so well written ugh 😣 thanks for always checking up on me and always being so incredibly sweet. i love u so so muchhh huhu i wanna give u the biggest hug in the world :( please take care of yourself and never stop being your genuine self kith kith <33

@rilacry — milfy gorlillola 😜😜‼️ hi sexc. omfg i was so intimidated by u wtf (and i still kinda am smh) bc you’re so cool?? and your writing n carrd making skills are amazing as hell wtf. u just exude BDE bc you’re hella hot AND bc u wanna peg everyone. anyways,, i’m glad we got closer recently, even if it was out of really wack circumstances. ily bae pls stop sticking your memojis everywhere mwah <33

@rintaroll — my kue tete ☹️☹️ ilysm smh bye i can’t believe we’re close now wtf you’ve always been so cool and sexc 😩‼️ oh god i rmb when u were still on your old acc and u seemed so out of reach and i was a lil intimidated ANDBDJD SHHH but yea now ik you’re just a big h word dork and i love u for that 😣 i wish u all the best for your singing career bby you’re such a talented writer AND singer wtf. also you’re so pretty???? wtf how rude 😠 JKJK HAHHSBD ilysm kithes u so hard <33

@tetsoleil — geegee!! hi baby 😣 thanks for being such a sweet human being ily! it’s been a while since we actually talked yeah? but i still want u to know that i love u a lot and i appreciate u so much. i’m so so grateful you’re in my life because you’re such a joy to be around. you’re an amazing writer bby and i hope you get the recognition u deserve. i’m always here for u if u need anything. ilysm bby <33

@velvetfireworks — rachie bae 🤩 my bakso goreng, my golden kiwi!!! ily!! hehe im so glad i decided to slide in your dms when u asked me if i was indo. but ahhhh you’re ao sweet and cute and supportive ilysm. an amaaazing writer and i admire your work so much, but i think you’ve heard me say that multiple times before. i’m so glad we became closer recently through our love for greasy food and wonky lil faces 👁💋👁 kith kith ilysm <33

@yato-o — yato baby hi!! urgh honestly i appreciate u so so much?? i feel so lucky to be able to get to know you. i don’t even remember how we met but ahhh thank u for always stopping by and have a chat with me even though i know you’re a busy person. please take care of yourself and get some rest whenever u need to! don’t feel pressured to come on here if you’re tired baby, im so grateful to have u in my life, i luv youu <33

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU SEXY BAES!

kisses, lex

[michael-runs-hot-guerin]

Ok so the last 2 episode synopsis came out for season 3 and IDK how to feel. Neither one of them (episodes 12 and 13) have Alex in the main plot. In season 1 Alex was in 6 episode plots as a main storyline, in season 2 Alex was in 7 episode plots as a main storyline and then in season 3 Alex was only in 4 episode plots as a main storyline. I thought with Carina gone we would get more Alex spotlight and stepping up on his own but we have actually gotten less! Its like this season they gave Maria and Kyle the spotlight and basically said f*ck Alex. Also when it comes to Malex we have gotten wayyyyyy less! Yes Chris put Malex together unlike Carina but at the same time we got less interaction which sucks!

In season 1 Malex interacted:

1×01

1×02

1×03

1×06

1×07

1×09

1×10

1×12

1×13

In season 2 Malex interacted:

2×01

2×02

2×03

2×04

2×05

2×06

2×09

2×10

2×11

2×12

2×13

In season 3 Malex interacted:

3×03

3×06

3×08

3×09

(We have a few more episodes to go but still look at how much less! And we are told Echo and Malex are equally important and held to the same standard! 🙄)

I mean granted a lot of the most memorable and well loved Malex moments happened in episodes where one of them or neither of them were in a main plot for the episode which gives us a little hope for the rest of season 3 I hope! I mean Tyler did say he likes how season 3 ends which means something good for Malex because why would he like it if something bad happened to Malex and they break up or something unless he was a fake fan (lol jk) but the show needs to stop treating Alex like nothing and give Tyler actual screen time, storylines and plots both for Alex and Malex! I thought when Chris took over things would change and get better. I mean they changed a bit like having Malex get together but at the same time they were trying to sell us the friendship thing and only interacted for 3 episodes before deciding to date and even then they didn't even interact until episode 3!

But my question is do we think the rest of season 3 will have good Malex content even though they aren't in anymore main plots and do you think season 4 will be better in terms of Alex getting what he deserves and Malex being together with actual screen time, storylines, and plots together?!

Ahh the discourse. For one thing Kyle deserves his screen time and story lines, each and every second, the man is fabulous and they did him dirty by basically ignoring him & hardly even mentioning him in passing since he got kidnapped slash put in a coma (twofer!) aaaall because Maria was a much higher priority. I suppose the degeneration was more urgent but god, can't y'all multitask? Besides, Kyle could've been dead for all they knew.

Honestly if they were trying to make up for her writing the first two seasons, they didn't manage it. She's still a plot device: 1) the vision was overdrawn over the first half of the season, was still nonsense at its conclusion (why would Liz be late? Why would Max be crying inconsolably and unable to speak? Where was Kyle's mom?), and was thrown out as soon as Kyle got kidnapped! 2) the information she gets abt the Lockhart Machine was probably the same as the Caulfield file that Alex received. She could've stalled and waited for Liz and Rosa to split the connection. Yes, they don't know that, but the writers do! (They also used this memory to kill a black alien off screen and show him on an autopsy table, thanks for that 🙄) 3) she's been so focused on Her Vision the entire first half of the season (never mind that jumping off the building and making Max try to catch her could've killed him), then on how Patricia's memory affects Her (never mind her grandmother who actually lived it), and then on how Jones was preventing her from boning a less gay Manes brother, that they even had Isobel regress to her early s2 self where she didn't know who she was just so that Maria could sound "wise" or whatever even though she was 💯 WRONG about where Isobel's focus should be (on saving her twin brother and best friend!! Her person!! Y'all remember the first time the phrase "your person" was used on this show it was @ Isobel abt her brothers right?) ANYWAY

Tyler is supposed to be contracted to miss one more episode, as is Trevino. Heather has yet to miss ANY which 😒 whatever I guess. I think malex ought to be glued together at the hip. I think Alex needs storylines that are less isolated from the whole group. Like once a season he gets a scene or a few with someone other than Michael. And his scenes with Michael are obviously 🔥 but this man has friends! He can have his hand in multiple plots!

As for echo and malex being equal, I actually think they've done that this season...by bringing echo down to their level. (Liz please shake Max next time he insults his brother who literally helped to save his life with the pacemaker. What the fuck was that. "Help Michael be like Michael like" my ENTIRE ass.)

But to be honest, for a queer ship to be on the same level as a m/f ship, they have to give us more. Because there's simply not enough queer relationships on tv for us to make assumptions about who's feeling what. Plus they have to make up for all the, you know, hate crimes, and "if I were you I'd choose (a woman) too" and things I will not mention for the sake of my mental health. Meanwhile Liz and Max's other partners each acknowledged that they weren't The One ("no, use me, use me" "we're just using each other as scratching posts") whilst Michael said "I love you" to someone besides Alex. 🤢

[normalg-irl]

When People Ask Me What I’m Doing After Graduation This Is What I’ll Say | May 3, 2019

So, I don’t have a job lined up for after graduation. I’m also not volunteering with the JVC or Americorps like some of my friends who enjoy helping people. I don’t have an internship, and I’m not traveling anywhere. I actually have no idea what I want to do? Like as a career, but also … in life? So I’ve decided to construct an honest answer to provide to anyone who asks me what I’m doing after graduation. If you, too, do not have a “plan” for post-grad, you are welcome to join me in the glorious city of Hartford, Connecticut, where these 5 post-grad steps will be carried out.

Step 1: Watch Game of Thrones.

Never having seen Game of Thrones makes me feel almost as shitty as never having seen any of the Harry Potter movies (never mind never having read the books). This is the first time I’m admitting that. I usually just play along like,

“I would be in Gryffindor, no doubt. My favorite spell is Leviosa. JK Rowling is honestly a legend.”

I’m embarrassed to confess how uncultured I am. But, with GoT, it’s way too complicated. You can’t just skim the surface like,

“Winter is coming. Jon Snow is my favorite character. Yeah, I’m not bothered by the incest either.”

I’m going to take the first three weeks immediately after graduation to binge GoT and get caught up to speed for the sake of the culture. And also for my own mental health because I’ve been feeling excluded and anxious every time Khaleesi is brought up around me. She sounds like a legend, almost more so than JK Rowling.

Step 2: Exercise lightly.

After the three weeks of binging Game of Thrones I’ll probably try and get my body looking right. No one tells you that going to Punta Cana for spring break turns you into a drinking-machine-party-fiend. The all-inclusive trip destroys all tendencies of eating vegetables and run-walking on the treadmill. For the latter portion of senior year all I’ve known, and all I’ve wanted to know, are Miami Vices (pina coladas and strawberry daiquiris mixed for the ignorant lames), permanent sunburns and foggy conversations with the same people over and over again.

So, with that, health and fitness has plummeted drastically on the list of priorities. Before entering the “real world” I’ll need to burn off all the fried chicken I swallowed whole while floating around in the Punta Cana resort pool. Step 2 is necessary in order to bury that part of the identity and embrace a classier manifestation of self.

Step 3: My high school friends and I become so bored that we go get frozen yogurt and have a really awkward encounter with someone random from our past.

Step 3 can be weaseled in at any point in the post-grad plan. Preferably I will complete step 3 multiple times, almost on a weekly basis. I envision a lot of days playing out like this:

11:00AM: Wake up.

11:04AM: Enter an “Instagram k hole” (This is a term I just learned. It’s when you get so deep into Instagram it feels kind of like you did too much Ketamine, and you’re seriously f*cked up).

12:10PM: Mom is getting home, so I quickly stage a job application workshop in the kitchen.

12:30PM: Mom really wants me to try harder at applying for jobs, I tell her I will.

12:45PM - 4:20PM: *Insert step 1 or step 2 here, depending on what level you’ve reached of the plan.* So this block of time can be filled with either culture binging, or getting the body right.

4:20PM: By this time culture = binged, or body = right. Both great outcomes. Send a text in the group chat, everyone’s down to hang, obv. No one has a job.

7:30PM: Not sure how those three hours were spent. Potentially was sucked into another k hole, but this time mind was completely erased.

8:25PM: Group unites at the friend’s house who has the most chill parents.

8:30PM - 9:50PM: Vaping, light gossip, and brief but intense Instagram k holes are accompanied by a random TV show playing in the background like Catfish or anything on TLC.

10:00PM: One friend suggests getting frozen yogurt. It’s the best idea she’s had in years.

10:15PM: Arrive at Sweet Frog dizzy off the vape. The smell inside is extremely nauseating. Someone might pass out in Sweet Frog.

10:16PM: Everyone fills up their cups with a mixture of flavors. One friend just gets a ton of those little balls with juice inside of them. She’s a psychopath.

10:19PM: I enter a frozen yogurt k hole. Halfway through the fro-yo I realize I do not like fro-yo. But then all of a sudden my cup is empty.

10:23PM: The awkward encounter the entire group has been anticipating finally happens. The middle school basketball coach enters Sweet Frog with his new girlfriend. He has no idea how old we are. He can’t even make a guess. He is intoxicated in Sweet Frog. He kisses us on the cheeks. His girlfriend is really pretty.

10:41PM: I leave Sweet Frog feeling awkward and sick. But it was something I had to do. And it’s something you have to do. It’s only right.

Step 4:  Shock my parents’ friends when I say, “I have no idea what I want to do” in the Big Y parking lot.

After the Sweet Frog interactions, awkward encounters will be nothing but a thang. I expect them to spice up the depressing post-grad days, and will probably become a favored activity.

So when my Mom asks me to go to Big Y to get a watermelon (she likes to give me random tasks), I’ll be kind of excited to go.

When I see Mrs. Miller in the parking lot, I won’t pretend not to see her. She asks me what I’m up to, what my “plan” is, and when I tell her about binging GoT and going to Sweet Frog and working out every few days, her face grows concerned and I am hoping she talks about my excellent plan with the other moms. I just want to be talked about, honestly.

I help Mrs. Miller put her groceries in her minivan so she thinks I’m still a good person even if I have no ambition.

“Good luck, sweetie.”

She nods empathetically from her minivan window as I stand alone in my pajamas in the Big Y parking lot carrying a watermelon.

Step 5: Read a life-changing book at the town pool.

I haven’t read a book in years. Reflecting on my life, I may never have actually finished a full novel. What if I’m in a job interview and the interviewer asks me what my favorite book is? I need to have something truthful and profound to say. The Fault in Our Stars isn’t going to cut it. I could maybe swing saying that the Game of Thrones series is my favorite, because I’m pretty sure they were books before a TV show? But that feels like it’d be super transparent at this point.

I can’t go into an intellectual discussion with some alternative, experimental book all confident like, “Have you read The Girl with the Chastity Belt’s Lullaby? It’s my favorite.”

No, you need something absolutely classic like To Kill a Mockingbird or Don Quixote or Fifty Shades of Grey. I’ll probably pick up War and Peace and call it a day. Been meaning to read that one. And then off to the pool I go.

I see myself spending a super relaxing time by the pool with my book. There are no annoying kids splashing around the day I decide to go and conquer my book. It’ll be closed off for academics on their sabbaticals just like me who want to peacefully read and feed their brains.

As I flip around War and Peace, I see a ton of pages, and a ton of words I don’t know. I suck at reading. I don’t know how to read. I can read the words, but the whole time my mind is thinking about potential boyfriends and potential parties and potential conversations. All which might never happen.

War and Peace spirals me into an anxiety k hole, which I think is actually just an anxiety attack, and I storm out of the pool without even buying french fries from the snack bar.

That’s as far as I’m going to make it into step 5.  

And there we have it my friends. Graduating without a job isn’t that scary if you embrace my perfect five-step post-graduation plan. Because, believe me, once you do it all - once you’ve watched eight seasons of Game of Thrones, hit Sweet Frog a couple hundred times, toned a few muscles, run into lots of moms, and “read” War and Peace … you will be ready to hightail it back to NYC - and maybe even land a job.

------------

Published by The Rival at Fordham University on May 3, 2019

[anemonereadssometimes]

Top 15 characters from books I’ve read in 2020

Yes I know it’s only been six months. I’ve read 27 books, which is way more than last year, love me some having graduated college and actually have free time. This list was Not Easy, the order changes by the day, and this year was a lot of rereads but I saw this idea and I thought it looked fun so here I am. Without further ado:

1. Kaladin (The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson)

I love my too honorable, depressed, protective boy. He tries so hard all the time, and he attaches and loves everyone. He tries to give everything and more of himself to save and it might not be healthy but I relate so hard lmao. I just love him so much. He’s grumpy as hell and takes too much responsibility but goddamit he cares.

2. Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo)

I just.... I love Jesper. His charisma shines through the pages. Jesper is the type of person I want to be, full of life, and sharing that with other people.

3. Inej Ghafa (Six of Crows)

Strongest person ever, I want to be her or I want to marry her, I’m not sure which. Every word she says is thought through, and she is deliberate, and reflective, and physically, emotionally, and mentally strong.

4. Fire (Fire by Kristin Cashore)

My favorite character from a book I’ve loved for ten years. I reread this book probably once a year, and my love for Fire only grows. She’s immensely reflective, strong, and soft at the same time. She gets to be both. I also love the strong woman who is kind and compassionate and loves children, because loving and treating children well and being strong/ having power are not mutually exclusive. She’s just wonderful, and I never get sick of watching her grow confident in herself and grow outside of her shadows, becoming something reforged. Also she’s beautiful.

5. Wylan Van Eck (Six of Crows)

Hhhhhhh okay I am wylan. I know this. I know that’s why I like him. He’s the parts of me I like lmao. He’s smart, confident when in the right situation, and just honestly the sweetest. When it comes to it, he’s brave, but he feels like everyone around him is leagues above him. Also he loves Jesper which like, yeah dude I feel that.

6. Sophie Hatter (Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones)

Sophie is mean as hell and I appreciate that honestly. She’s no nonsense and clever and wonderful. Hella strong character, I love every conversation she has with people. She also has the tendency to fall into repetitive thought patterns which is a mood.

7. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch (Carry On by Rainbow Rowell)

Ah Baz. Loved this boy for years. We’ve run across another book I reread a lot. Baz is dramatic as hell, has a mean streak, but fiercely protects those in his circle. I am not him, and I sure as hell wouldn’t agree with him on everything, but I respect him as a mage and as a person. Also he makes me cry.

8. Sylphrena (The Stormlight Archive)

God I love Syl. I can’t believe she’s this low on the list tbh but she’s the cheerful counterpart to Kaladin. She’s an honorspren, so not a person exactly, but more of an idea, which is hella cool I wish I was an idea. She’s badass and she cares so much about Kaladin, and about doing what’s right by people. She’s kind and I got to watch her grow her consciousness and intelligence. One minute she is having a philosophical discussion with Kal and the next she’s pretending to be a rock, or sticking people’s shoelaces together. That’s a duality I can relate to and respect.

9. M-bot (Skyward & Starsight by Brandon Sanderson)

M-bot is not a person either, he’s an AI and I love him. M-bot made me cry my eyes out, actually I think every character on this list so far has made me cry except Sophie, and that’s because Howl’s Moving Castle is kind of a light book and I love that. Anyway M-bot is a sarcastic little thing and I love him. His lines are the funniest, but he also cares a lot, and is also runs a spaceship so like that’s awesome.

10. Spensa (Skyward & Starsight)

Spensa is probably my favorite character that I spend the whole book yelling at. Jk, not the whole book, but she does frustrate me. She’s so impulsive, but man she tries so hard and feels so much and I’m a sucker for characters that care. She’s a good egg, go read Skyward.

11. Eric R Bittle (Check, Please by Ngozi Ukazu)

Another character that’s made me cry! This one multiple times! I grew up alongside Bitty in a way, going through college at the same time he did, and weirdly coming out around the time he did as well. Feels like he’s been there with me, and I got to watch him mature and beat his own demons. I’m so proud of him and I squeal every time I see him. He’s such a stinking sweetheart.

12. Simon Snow (Carry On)

Ah yes, another idiot whom I love. But he cares so much!!! He loves with his whole self, he doesn’t do anything by halves. He throws himself headlong into everything, and he may be reckless and stupid sometimes but I love him.

13. Howl (Howl’s Moving Castle)

I listened to the audiobook version of this book, and I honestly think that cemented my love of Howl. The Howl voice the voice actor does is marvelous, and many of his lines had me cackling in public. He’s brash and grumpy and selfish but I love him anyway. Helps that he’s funny as hell.

14. Nina (Six of Crows)

Ninaaaaaaaaaa another character to get mad at, since she has a tendency to do stupid things, but she always does them for the right reasons. She’s badass, and she gives love to her friends freely. She also doesn’t know how to shut up and I love that. Also have a mentioned she’s badass? And beautiful???

15. Calcifer (Howl’s Moving Castle)

Fuckin’ hilarious. 10/10 jokes, the voice actor’s voice was also very good for calcifer. He loves to pretend he doesn’t car but he does. Also in the second and third books he’s hella badass which is cool.

Honorable mentions in no order:

Kimmalyn (Skyward)-sweetest bby, I love her

Shallan (The Stormlight Archive)- haven’t liked her every step of the way but she’s such and interesting character holy crap

Dalinar (The Stormlight Archive)- army general, has killed lots of ppl :/ but he’s so invested in change and doing good, and he pushes himself so hard. Love the way Brandon Sanderson writes everyone morally gray. Good stuff.

Penny (Carry On)- brash as hell, damn smart, will kick your ass, does not have time for you, kinda unlikeable, wait I’m describing book hermoine wait could it be that I loved hermoine in my formative years and now I love the carry on version of her? Mmm not surprising.

[mythykl]

kirishima,, likes you??*headcanon bs*

**pouring love for my S4′s fav character:”))* 

disclamer- also I haven’t watched the recent 5 ep,, thus this is just raw canon,, bear w me.

how it started,, or one might call it some foreplay :))

seeing you after one year as you enter UA high two days before the school fest mADE hiM LoSE HiS sHiT. he had asked his mum to parcel the costume he needed for his performance perhaps?? instead, you brought it as a sweet surprise.

considerin’ the recent events, you began inquiring about his well being, but all he emitted was honesty, kindness and optimism,, seeing this ball of joy made you go cheerful as well

he almost forgot to introduce you, as he practically pulled you to his room to show you his Crimson Riot action figures,, that he had hidden somewhere??? 

you liked his friends,, except the one with violet balls on his head. you chuckled at the girls’ remarks as he goes on with his pervert comments. tbh, they didn’t expect him to have a girl friend, ya there’s a gap, but on recognizing you, Ashido practically pounced at you for a tight hug, even though you guys weren’t close in school, she was glad to have met an old pal as well.

secrets started unfolding that night during the sleepover, as you both talked till dawn, sharing memories, recent incidents and his cool ass quirk developments; including the recent mission/study program but we ain’t getting into that. 

one thing that for sure amazed you was his long ass training menu. Let’s not forget about the kanji signs saying, ‘fired up!’ and ‘manly spirit!’ you were a bit overwhelmed by them, huh,,

midst the exchange of meaningless insults, you vocalized his stupidly oblivious nature when it came to your obvious crush on him. his face lost colour as he heard that.

you clarified yourself by saying that it was a long ass one year ago,, but it didn’t ease the awkwardness. the heavy air almost crushed you, it was unfamiliar and then,, you go to sleep,,, ofc in your seperate dorm room. ya, it needs to be specified uk

you woke up pretty late the next day, and found no one in their dorm rooms. prolly went for preparations?? you just sigh and go off to have a bath and grab some snacks

shit lotta self doubt came your way as you basically slugged in the bed, scrolling through tumblr and basically chomping on any food in vicinity,

you lowkey start feeling that it was a bad idea to meet kirishima, and how he was better off himself. after refusing to get outta the dorm room, by evening, the guilt consumed your mind and you decided to leave without letting him know.

hun’ gotta pack her stuff now,, jk. you were in tears, cuz’ ofc, you were fucked. confessing was a legit bad idea, and staying there killed you inside,, but

kirishima walked in. he was there standing in his manly demeanour with a rose bouquet in his hand. t’was from class 1-A as a welcome gift. you could see how much he was taken a back as he saw you in tears, packing up you stuff.

you half expected him to just stand there and be his casual oblivious self, but he came forward and hugged you. he knew that you were a mess, cuz’ of that sudden confession. which reminded you of how intense and straightforward he can be at times. you close your eyes, and let the time pass.

he suddenly grabs you shoulder and moves away, as you keep you eyes on the ground. 

“look over here Y/N,” Kirishima wispered.

“no, I-I, I don’t know what to say- I mean this wasn’t supposed to happen, you love surprises and I-” sniff, “I co- meat.-”

“meat?” he asks with genuine curiosity.

“Oh- ohh shit! I forgot to give you meat balls.” You instantly look up as he starts laughing, “Shut up Eijiro, damn. I hope thay are-” but as you are about to walk towards your duffle, he pulls you towards him and-

behold the actual content lmao.

“were you going to leave w/o letting me know?” Kirishima asked

On hearing that, you visibly got uncomfortable, walked past him with you hands folded, “yes,” hoping not to get emotional,, as if prior crying wasn’t enough.

“I like you too,” Kirishima said immediately, seemed as if it was an accidental blurt. you took a rapid spin only to find that he was stern, dead serious. He walks forward and says as he closed the door, “I-I can’t keep this inside anymore. It wasn’t manly of me last night, to simply abandon your words. well, I like you Y/N.”

“ah,, wasn’t expecting that. that too in present tense.” you replied.

“yes, same he- I mean- I’ve been meaning to say this but- it was kinda hard.”

“Harder than fighting villans?” you chuckle.

“nope, i’m a hero, i got to do it to save people, as a symbol of peace and strength in society. but as a person. i decided to let my feelings die as i had to leave for UA high, if something would happen to me, it would only cause you pain. but I was wrong, you’re courageous and you had always inspired me to be strong and kind as a kid.I can’t keep avoiding this anymore.” yup those words, fuck that shit was the final nail to the coffin. 

next thing you know is that you run to him and hug him tight,, he kinda stumbled a bit but then held you back and submerged into the intimate moment.

you guys talk for a while, but then you reminded him that you gotta leave. he attempted multiple times for you to stay but u refuse, with the reason that you already told you mum that you’ll be arriving home by night. of course that was a lie.

now you think of all this in the bus as you travel back home,, i’m glad, you think. he finally knows. nothing is specified between you two, you know he isn’t looking forward to a relationship and you, you’re obviously hurt, but you aren’t unknown to the fact that you might only be an hindrance in the path to his goal.though kirishima and you have left this story on an unfinished note, you hope for a future together.

has been a while hasn’t it. lmao. expect more content soon;))

few previous headcanons i like,, 

If todoroki was ya freakin’ boyfriend (bnha)

Akaashi’s x Reader (haikyuu)

If bakugou was ya boyfriend (bnha)

orange,, part 1 and part 2

thanks for reading<3

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

K now you got me curious about that. I kinda assumed P5MC would’ve been stronger then P4 MC (P3MC beats them both no doubt from me) so why do you say that P4MC is stronger?

Was gonna make a separate post when I had time but now is a time as any XU (btw I still dunno why people think P5MC is stronger, is it cause of the gym? His Phantom Thieving? The gun? Stanael’s gun? The Yaldy scene? I really wanna read people’s reasons but I have a feeling it’s those and.....if that’s it then no one is paying attention to poor P4MC then ;w;)

So that post was more lore driven than gameplay driven just a heads up (gameplay it’s a lot more complicated because we have to look at like.....a bunch of different entries and lay down ground rules for those, cause like P3P!MC/FeMC vs P4MC vs P5MC is.....a lot more fair considering the former can’t use fusions due to them being items....assuming we can’t use items). Just want to clarify before I explain what I mean is lore wise (I’ll compare the Personas down below but I’ll try to keep it from crossing to much into the gameplay meta line). And this is excluding Royal/Scramble (cause....not everyone knows that stuff yet, and I need to reevaluate things myself and I just haven’t been able to yet XU). But man, people really do underestimate P4MC ;w;

Now then, without Personas they are probably about even, like if they got into a fist fight they could probably end in a tie (but my money is still on P4MC if I had to choose cause he gets back up). P4MC seems to be taller (by a few in) and a more buff build, while P5MC is more of a slim build (but is probs more agile). And this is regardless if they are in the Metaverse, TV World, or the Real World (cause he should get an outfit in the Metaverse, plus Personas seem to give the user great physical strength regardless if it’s a Metaverse setting or not). That being said, P5MC does have akido(?), but it’s self trained and that’s if he goes to the gym. But, P4MC trains with Chie (which he probably did cause they all probs maxed their SLs/CoOps, but Ren might not have gone to the gym), and also stays in shape thanks to 1) fighting Shadows and 2) his sports club SL (this is assuming we are only looking at their school time selves, Adult!P4MC is unknown atm), so it’s not like he’s out of shape himself. P4MC also has crazier and bigger fish too (also needed to complete an SL), so that could be deemed as a work out compared to P5MC’s fishing. 

If we’re looking at initial Personas (which is what they are most likely gonna run with cause of how the spinoffs handle P4/5), P4MC has the upper hand thanks to resisting Dark (aka curse) (btw Minato/Hamu would probs go down first in an initial only Persona fight, cause they’d be weak to P5MC and then P4MC could/would probs beat P5MC thanks to resisting the other’s attack).

Ultimate Persona is a bit more....I wouldn’t say even, but there’s strengths and weaknesses to both sides. Satanael has the upper hand with a “survive one attack” ability, resists everything but almighty, heatriser, and can harm INO via physical (and maaaaybe psy/nuke...it’s unclear how Atlus wants to treat INO in this regard). INO has better stats (and can achieve better stats than Satanael), can deal BIG almighty damage (thanks to mine charge, Satanael doesn’t have a charge), and while he doesn’t resist Light/Dark/Alimighty he does have a big evasion ability. I’d say INO could also be hit by PSY and Nuke thanks to PQ2 (which still makes no sense???? why didn’t they add resist in those categories to all the other ult Personas ??? XP) but P5R shows INO resisting those now so we gonna go with that....because that makes more sense (it makes sense for them to resist Psy and Nuke because they resist all elemental damage but since those didn’t exist, you could assume they could resist it cause it falls under elemental damage...but PQ2 fudges it up for some reason XP), I mean P5R also made him more of a beast since it seems like INO resists Phys too but I won’t include that. I mean if you wanna say he can be hit by Nuke fine, one more thing INO can be hit with....BUT INO also has a ult attack and Satanael doesn’t. Which, while Satanael and INO could be going toe to toe for awhile, INO might be able to deliver the final blow that Satanael can’t. 

Which leads into why....P4MC should win. He’s just shown he’s stronger in his stories. He wins because of his own power that made him stronger. P5MC doesn’t win via his own power. He wins because he receives outside help more often than not (which isn’t bad, I’m not saying having help is bad, but in a hypothetical 1v1....it doesn’t bode well for him). Against Yaldy he got a freaking buff from the cognitive world....A TEMP BUFF MIND YOU! THANKS TO COGNITION! It’s such BS! Yes, P3/4MC they received their power because of their bonds, their connections, MC’s are their friends’ power as much as they are power for the MC’s. P3/4MC could only get that strong because of their friends. It’s because of their own effort and will to protect the ones they care about is the reason they win......P5MC it’s because of the public cheering for them for like 5 min for a temp buff cause of cognition (and it def doesn’t continue to last cause of how the meter goes down to 50% later irl). Even with cognition on P5MC’s side, it’s probably not a whole lot to actually do anything beneficial for him like with Yaldy. P3/4 is about power of friendship and relationships. P5 is about the power of convenience and plot devices. Buncha bullshit that he gets handed the World Arcana like that, not even his own power saved the world (he doesn’t even have a World Arcana Persona! No one ever talks about that what’s P5MC’s World Persona?! P4 has INO, P3 has a finger 8U What’s P5′s????)

There’s also the fact P4MC can use Myriads of Truth outside of Izanami, and it can hurt people outside of her too (we know this thanks to Arena). Satanael can’t use his Sinful Shell (at least at this point in time, watch Atlus jk my post when Arena 3 comes out, I’m already prepared for it >8V I bet Atlus’ reason won’t even make sense because->) because it’s only used in the 100% cognition scene! Satanael can only be that powerful and can only use that move thanks to cognition! But you see, P4MC is Mr. Bond Master, he’s strong cause of his bonds, every handshake with a new person=him getting more powerful (half jk). 8U But this drive also shows that even if he loses a fight, he gets right back up because he wants to protect his friends (as seen post-Liz fight in Liz’s route in Arena). Like this is a big thing P4MC has that I think people overlook, this bastard has A LOT of willpower. Whenever that word is brought up, only Tatsuya (you know defying time and reality to keep his memories) and P3MCs (staying alive for like two months to keep their promise) are ever mentioned (and don’t get me wrong, those are amazing feats too! All three/four, FeMC/P3MC are technically two people, of these people deserve the top 3 will power spot), but gd P4MC has it too. After getting his ass handed to him by Liz, he got right back up and was like “round two!” and power starts to flow through him that it takes Liz aback! Or his most amazing feat, coming back from the freaking underworld (aka basically death), just will his ass right back in front of Izanami and then Izanami is unable to freaking kill him (he hangs onto 1 HP like a boss, hell if he can do this against P3MC it’s possible for him to even come out on top of that fight). Izanami literally says “can the will of so few surpass that of all mankind?!” His (and IT’s) determination is one that surpasses all of mankind! Compare that to P5MC, who defeated Yaldy because of his bond with his CoOps-oh wait no it’s cause of a BS temp power buff the public gave him my mistake. P3/4: “We know what’s best for mankind! And it’s not freaking death! Our will power will surpass mankind!” P5: “Y-yeah same! But we’re gonna not succeed on our own and get bailed out by the public, only for them to half revert back to their same old ways despite....changing for us for a hot second...wait what?” 

P4MC (depending on where in the timeline we have him and P5MC facing off), he’s had more experience too. Not only has he beaten 7ish gods/god avatars (to P5MC’s.......looking at all the P5 entries and without spoilers....possibly 3ish/4ish gods/godly avatars/god level stuff), he’s also faced off with 2 robots and what is basically a super soldier (aka Sho), he’s also fought against a lot of SEES who are seasoned fighters and had ult personas vs his initial persona (and won in some cases, or held his own A LOT, depends on the timeline/route). Oh and has fought more VR people/the VR people more times (P4/G, PQ1, PQ2, and...maybe Arena/Ultimax depends on the route). While P5 is catching up (kinda, we aren’t comparing how a lot of those final battles were won with the final blow), P4MC still has the most experience. 

The only way P5MC can win if it’s 1V4+, P5MC has access to the VR and can use multiple Personas and P4MC can’t, P5MC has 100% cognition on (not possible, and would be a real ass pull), P4MC is crippled beyond belief (even then I’d still expect him to win cause he doesn’t give up). 

So yeah. P4MC has more willpower, his Personas seem to have an advantage (either elemental advantage with initial, or stat+final blow for Ult), and doesn’t get up/gets right back up after a beating (so even if P5MC gets P4MC down to 0 hp, its possible P4MC will get right back up without the need of a skill like P5MC). 

That being said I need to reevaluate some stuff with Royal. I still think P4MC is stronger tho (but I think P3MCs are the strongest, that being said P4/5MC haven’t been put in a situation where they need to die to protect everyone, aka get the universe arcana, so I wouldn’t 100% count them out because I think P4/5MC have the potential to go as far as the P3MCs if need be...well....def P4MC.....not sure about P5MC he still needs to prove himself imo). 

[neirawrites]

I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In  2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it. 

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him.  He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy  and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17?  is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.  

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember  as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat;  take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

[ogkunty]

Furcadia Toxicity

The complete log file is provided, everything here is unedited, this all transpired publicly and should be available for everyone to have access to at all times. Thank you. (19:14:03) Tacada: watching the riot police going (19:14:21) Kixy: Protesting doesn't do anything. (19:14:23) Kunty: Nah, tell people to spend time with their fucking families they keep trying to ride dicks/cunts out of (19:14:23) Tacada: theyre taking the hong kong approach the protestors. using cones n water to stop tear gas nades (19:14:32) Kunty: they riot if quarantined. (19:14:33) Ditty: god (19:14:37) Ditty: turned out as expected (19:14:45) Ditty: Kixy: People will make a bigger stink out of not being called the correct pronoun than anything important. (19:14:48) Ditty: so peoples pronouns are important (19:14:52) Ditty: not sure why you have to bring that into this lmao (19:14:58) Puffin: ^^^^^^ (19:15:01) Ditty: Maya: Just offer free heroin and meth, you'll see enough people. (19:15:02) Ditty: so thats gross (19:15:07) Ditty: not sure why you have to bring that into this either (19:15:08) Kunty: IDC about pronouns, why is that even a thing? (19:15:09) Kixy: The point was that people get more angry over stupid shit than anything serious? (19:15:15) Ditty: pronouns are not stupid shit (19:15:19) Kunty: They are (19:15:21) Kixy: Yes they are. (19:15:27) Puffin: Riots are the language of the unheard, fam (19:15:29) Kixy: Compared to SO SO many things. (19:15:34) Ditty: why do we have to compare (19:15:39) Ditty: peoples identities are extremely important (19:15:41) Ditty: you cant rank it among other things (19:15:54) Ditty: did you know humans have the capacity to care about multiple things at once or are furcadians not able to do that (19:15:55) Tacada: sorry ditty i started all of this O.O (19:15:57) Kunty: I agree with Kixy, pronouns are NOT important in comparison to riots, killings, and corona. (19:16:03) Ditty: why are we comparing them (19:16:06) Ditty: answer the question

SEE THE REST WITH THIS LINK TO THE HTML LOG FILE

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The Devil’s Den Discord Meanwhile... Yes, you may Join.

/6:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: IMAGINE SEXUALLY HARASSING PEOPLE AND BEING TRANSPHOBIC AS FUCK ON FUCADIA [6:34 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: LITERALLY JUST FOR ATTENTION [6:34 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: WHO FAILED YOU [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: JK ITS YOUR OWN FUCKIN FAULT [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: "THE DEVIL'S DEN" THIS IS SOME SERIOUSLY TEEENY EDGELORD SHIT [6:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: ESPECIALLY WITH YOUR GROSS RAPE FANTASY THESAURUS-FUCKING DESCRIPTION [6:36 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: UNAPOLOGETIC SEXUAL HARASSERS SHOULD BE SHOT [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: jesus your discord server is dead as fuck [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: small wonder you have no friends [6:39 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you are human garbage(edited) [6:43 PM] Hellcat: I'm here to fuck ass [6:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: its completely dead its no use [6:44 PM] Hellcat: Plague queens are my fetish tho [6:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im here to fuck ass and fuck bubblegum [6:45 PM] Hellcat: Who failed you lmfao [6:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: yeah i had to rethink that cuz that'd mean it's someone else's fault [6:46 PM] Hellcat: It smells like poop and semen [6:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: as expected [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: [REDACTED] just thought yall should know your friend is a gross transphobe who repeatedly talked about my partner's genitals after being asked not to [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and also claimed corona was a good thing because the world needs a "plague" [6:55 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: attention seeking teen edgelord bullshit [6:56 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: could only respond with "k" when it was brought up [7:08 PM] Ill: ? [7:09 PM] Ill: Logs please @Xzfgiiimtsath#6669(edited) [7:11 PM] Ill: It is without saying that unless evidence is provided, everything else is simply hearsay. I’m sorry to say that, without visible proof of this outrageous claim, you’re kind of just making empty accusations and slanderous character bashing. ): [REDACTED]  [7:12 PM] Ill: Oh, I guess they just wanted to troll. ): I’m sorry, hopefully this can be cleaned up. [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: OH HI [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: JUST ASK HER SHE WONT DENY IT [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: she was pretty proud of it on furc [7:28 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: i can post logs but judging from your response to that you'd just say i'd edited them lol [7:29 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: is it really hard to believe that she'd say something like that? seems pretty in-character for her [7:31 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: i mean you guys jerk it to beast porn tho i dont have high hopes for any moral outrage here [7:31 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but if there were any trans people in the server id def want them to know [7:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: she was shit-talking people who care about their pronouns [7:33 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: my partner, who is trans, tries to explain to them what's wrong with that [7:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: then Kunty's response is to repeatedly talk about not wanting to hear about their genitals(?) which has nothign to do with pronouns and wasnt part of the conversation [7:35 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: when asked to stop talking about their genitals she continues unabated just to piss them off(edited) [7:36 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you can choose to believe im just making this up for no reason if you want, but that would be really fucking brickheaded of you [7:37 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: care more about your shitty transphobic friend repeatedly who was bringing up my partners genitals randomly and without their consent(edited) [7:37 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: @ill [7:40 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: again, 0 hopes for you response, youre a fantasy animal r*pe enthusiast who says things like, "It is without saying that unless evidence is provided," [7:40 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: holy fuck get your head out of your ass [7:41 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but ill STILL warn you of your transphobic friend since judging on your art youre lgbtq+ [7:43 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: are you just gonna wait til i leave again to respond? figures [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you didnt even ask them about it, just "NO EVIDENCE SO ITS FAKE" [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: you'd really go that far to defend this person when you have no idea what happened? [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: god you fucking suck [7:44 PM] Ill: Okay but [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: but nothing [7:44 PM] Ill: You are actively here [7:44 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: wow youre a fuckin genius or something eh [7:44 PM] Ill: Why are you being aggressive? [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: because im pissed [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: obviously [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: stupid question [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: why are you deflecting [7:45 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and defending your transphobic friend for no god damn reason [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz [7:46 PM] Ill: Okay, I understand that you are in an emotional state right now, but I would really need you to calm down first before coming off on a rage to people that have no idea what you are upset over. [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: ? [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: read my post dumbass [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: then you'd know [7:46 PM] Ill: No [7:46 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: LOL [7:47 PM] Ill: Here is why [7:47 PM] Ill: The stupidest things we say are said out of Anger. [7:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: are you legit like 14 [7:47 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im wasting my time [7:47 PM] Ill: I will advise you a little more directly that you take time to calm down before you come venting. [7:48 PM] Ill: No, I am asking you to be an adult [7:48 PM] Ill: And not a raging tween with a hormone spike [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: said the literal child who thinks having emotions means "not being an adult" [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: lmfao [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: not being pissed about transphobia is a character flaw [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: work on it bitch [7:48 PM] Ill: I emphasize with your anger, I am not saying it is wrong to have them [7:48 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: emphasize with my anger [7:49 PM] Ill: I am saying that you are abusing everyone else for things we have no knowledge or control over [7:49 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: what the fuck are you talking about [7:49 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: im warning you about your transphobic friend and youre being a piece of shit about it [7:50 PM] Ill: You are acting like a child, I’ve been there and done that - it does not end well. Please take time to self care for yourself first so you can be an adult that can have a calm conversation [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: and you also fantasize about r*ping animals so again: 0 hope for you to have any concept of why things are wrong [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: total fucking human garbage [7:50 PM] Xzfgiiimtsath: [8:05 PM] Ill: I am going to go step away before I address this further, I am losing some patience very quickly. I am kindly asking you to do the same so that you may take time to care for yourself during this clearly highly emotional state you are in. Maybe sip some cool water, dab your cheeks with ice, and/or take a moment with a loved one that makes you feel safe. I do not know what else to recommend here, I do not assume ignorance right away when meeting people, and I would like to think that other people can also step back to rationalize themselves down from tensions like these. I call this being an adult, growing up enough to get beyond yelling and throwing every accusation at someone simply because you’re angry. Accepting that it could be possible there is a grave misunderstanding, or maybe even misinterpretation of intent/meaning. As a person that never gets these opportunities to rationalize issues away from pure misunderstood hatred, I have never seen the actual outcome. In the adult world here, if we are angry with someone that offended us, we can’t just go into their family bbq and be screaming like lunatics about how their goat fuckers based solely on our interpretations, either. That would lead to calling the police... it doesn’t get you anywhere ... not in the adult world. You need to stop and care for yourself before you come guns blazing. You don’t DO this in the adult world and then call the adults staring at you like a tantruming toddler “children” because they won’t feed your anger. I’m sorry, for whatever it is you feel WE did to you specifically. You came here, though and whatever your assumptions are, I understand that there is no arguing with you or reasoning with you beyond you are the victim of some unproven atrocity. 

- Xzfgiiimtsath#6669 - Hellcat#0186

(19:15:15) Ditty: pronouns are not stupid shit (19:15:19) Kunty: They are (19:15:21) Kixy: Yes they are.

[the-desolated-quill]

Look On My Works, Ye Mighty... - Watchmen blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t read this comic yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Adrian Veidt, aka Ozymandias, is the character we probably know the least about, and some could argue that leaving it until the penultimate chapter to fill in the gaps is leaving it a little late, but as was the case with Doctor Manhattan and Rorschach, it was important that we got to see the character and his impact on the world of Watchmen before we got the full story. Plus I imagine Alan Moore was very hesitant to give us too many details about Veidt in case he ran the risk of revealing his hand too early and spoiling the twist. Look On My Works, Ye Mighty offers many answers to the burning questions throughout the graphic novel whilst offering us a chilling insight into the last remaining superhero archetype that had been unexplored until now. The ‘liberal’ capitalist.

Up until now, we know precisely three things about Veidt. He’s rich, he’s clever and he’s an innovator. It was his subsidiary companies that utilised Manhattan’s superpowers as an alternate energy source, making America eco-friendly and revolutionising technology at the time. He’s also the one superhero in the novel that the general public actually seem to like. Most likely because of his willingness to reveal his secret identity before the Keene Act was passed outlawing superheroes and using his vast wealth and influence to try and help the world instead of merely donning a costume and beating people up. However he’s not popular among other superheroes, most notably Rorschach and the Comedian. With Rorschach, the reasoning is obvious. He’s right wing and homophobic, so naturally he’s at odds with Adrian from the get go. With the Comedian, it’s his cynical nihilism that prevents him from seeing Adrian as anything other than a naive fool with delusions of grandeur. And the dislike is mutual. Adrian openly dislikes Rorschach and, in this very issue, he condemns the Comedian for being Richard Nixon’s lap dog, accusing him of being behind the assassination of JFK and working to keep Nixon in power beyond his term limits (whether this is actually true or simply the conspiratorial ramblings of a bitter liberal is left intentionally unclear). So it’s very ironic indeed that it was the Comedian that gave Adrian the inspiration to fake an alien invasion in the first place.

Now I have a lot to say about the whole alien squid thing, but I’m going to save that for the last review. For now I simply want to focus on Ozymandias himself and the reasons and motivations behind his actions.

So first things first, what’s with the Egyptian imagery? Well Ozymandias is actually the given name for the historical figure known as Alexander the Great, whom Adrian feels a strong kinship towards. It also ties into Adrian’s personality and goals. Obviously there’s the obscene wealth and ridiculously self indulgent architecture, but also the ancient belief that the pharaohs of Ancient Egypt were intermediaries between the gods and mortals. This is important because it gives us an insight into how Adrian views himself and the world around him. Because of his intellect and his wealth, he views himself as being above humanity and only he knows how best to fix the world. However, in the process, he reduces ordinary people to mere statistics. Killing millions of people in one city will bring about world peace and prosperity for the other billions of people around the globe. This line of thinking is called utilitarianism, which basically means that the ends justify the means. Now of course all the characters in Watchmen display elements of utilitarian thinking, but Adrian takes it a step further, applying his own morality to a global scale. It’s scary on a number of levels, but what makes it so frightening for me is what the character of Ozymandias says about other capitalist superheroes like Batman, Green Arrow and Iron Man.

Rich white men becoming costumed vigilantes is nothing new of course. Batman was one of the first comic book superheroes ever conceived after all. But very rarely do we get to see or explore the political and social implications of a superhero being a member of the one percent. If you think about it, ultra rich men putting on costumes and beating up often working class criminals is quite disturbing. Especially when you consider the kinds of things the mega rich get away with in the real world. Money gives you influence and influence gives you power. Costumed crime fighting is in itself an exercise of power over those deemed immoral, but for the capitalist superhero it’s also power over the impoverished and dispossessed. Class privilege in action. This is something that’s hardly ever touched upon in comics. Okay Iron Man comes the closest at points as he was initially created to critique industrialists and war profiteers, and the Civil War storyline paints him in a very ugly light as the Superhuman Registration Act imposed by the government reveals a strong wealth and class divide within the superhero community, but other than that the conversation is usually swept under the rug. 

DC Comics are quick to point out how Batman and Green Arrow aren’t like those rich white men. Look, they’re donating money to orphanages and helping the homeless! They’re nice capitalists! We like those capitalists! As for Marvel, there’s a line even they won’t cross regarding the politics of Iron Man and other such superheroes in their canon. They’re more than happy to discuss how making weapons of mass destruction is bad, but you’ll never see them get too specific. You’ll never see them condemn the American military and the role they’ve played in the destabilisation of the Middle East, nor will you ever see them outright address the distinct possibility that Tony Stark is in fact Republican. This is why I often find the accusation of publishers and movie studios having a quote/unquote ‘political agenda’ so baffling because the truth is they have no agenda other than to make money. Marvel and DC are businesses. They’ll never risk taking a firm stance either way for fear that it will alienate a certain group of readers and lose them sales. But by dodging and skirting around the conversation, the two companies have created an archetype that feels incredibly disingenuous, which is what Watchmen seeks to expose with Ozymandias.

The question is can someone who is ultra rich and influential possibly be heroic? This is something that was briefly touched upon back in A Brother To Dragons with Nite Owl. Dan spent his dad’s inheritance on costumes and gadgets for his superhero alter ego when surely it would have been better to donate the money to charity or something if he truly wanted to help his community. But that’s not what Dan wants. Not really. He just wants to indulge in his own power fantasy. Adrian takes that one step further. He has more money than Dan. Exponentially more. And it can be argued he’s done good things for his community, such as creating renewable energy. However, just like with Dan, the reasoning behind his plot isn’t really down to wanting to help others, but rather as a way of having the ultimate power fantasy. To be seen to be saving the world.

Everything Adrian does is less to do with helping others and more to do with displaying his own power and influence. Don’t get me wrong. I believe that he believes he’s doing the right thing, but if you really scrutinise his actions, his motivations feel far more self serving than he would care to admit. Tricking the world into believing they’re being invaded by an outside force is one thing, but taking the trouble to kidnap multiple scientists, writers and artists in order to create a fake alien seems like overkill. It’s ego driven. If you think about it, a bomb would have done. But Adrian wanted something spectacular. Something memorable. Just look at his decor. He built an entire Egyptian temple and biodome in Antarctica. Why? There’s no reason other than for his own self aggrandisement. It’s a display of his power.

Then there’s his actions regarding the Comedian, Rorschach and Doctor Manhattan. He wanted to get rid of witnesses. Understandable. But why beat the Comedian up so savagely, chucking him from his penthouse window, when he could just as easily have dispatched him with a single gunshot like he did with Moloch? Could it be that silencing the Comedian was less about self preservation and more about Adrian demonstrating his superiority over Nixon’s lap dog? Same goes for Rorschach. Again, he could have just killed him. Would have been much simpler. Instead he frames him for Moloch’s murder. It’s not enough to get rid of Rorschach. He wants the satisfaction of outwitting this right wing sociopath. The manipulation of Doctor Manhattan is self explanatory. Tricking a god into leaving the planet must have been quite the ego boost. And then there’s the fake assassination attempt in Fearful Symmetry. Adrian wanted to deflect suspicion away from him, but like with the alien, he wanted something spectacular. Something memorable.

Every single thing Adrian Veidt does throughout the graphic novel has some sort of egotistical agenda behind it. Even his ultimate plot to stop World War Three and unite the world isn’t about the greater good. It’s about him overcoming his own feelings of powerlessness. Because up until now the one thing he was unable to control with all his wealth and influence was the nukes. Now he’s managed even that. He has succeeded where Alexander the Great failed. He is truly the King of kings.

While not as over the top as this, we’ve seen this kind of behaviour so many times before by members of the quote/unquote liberal elite. Bill Gates, JK Rowling, Joss Whedon, Elon Musk and many more. Wealthy people of influence who are more concerned with looking progressive than actually being progressive. They perform charitable acts not out of a genuine desire to help others, but in order to be seen to be charitable. This is Ozymandias. Like I said, I believe that he believes he’s doing the right thing, but for me I think he’s more interested in being seen to have saved the world rather than actually doing something to truly help bridge the divide between nations. In some ways, he represents superheroes as a whole within Watchmen. Men and women more concerned with the attention and power being a superhero brings than actually helping their community. And just as a superhero alter ego allows the characters to see themselves as being above others, so too does wealth allow Adrian to see himself as being above the world.

This is why it was so important to see all the supporting characters. The news vendor, the kid reading the Black Freighter, Joey and her lesbian partner, Doctor Malcolm Long and his wife, and the two police detectives. To remind us that these are real people’s lives these characters are toying around with here. And it’s genuinely unnerving seeing all these people we’ve come to know over the course of the graphic novel be completely obliterated.

[overthinkingkdrama]

hi! love in sadness anon again. if you can rec some good melos i would be thankful.

[Oh my gosh, anon. I suck. Seriously. I’ve been trying to sit down and get this done from the moment I got your ask and I just haven’t been able to do it. Anyway, hopefully you see this. Thank you for your patience.]

Little do you know how long I have been waiting for this moment. This is my time to shine! Jk, but I would be happy to give recs. It’s a delight. I started going through my MDL and realized just how many dramas in this genre I have actually seen and realized I would probably have to trim my recommendations somewhat not to seem like a crazy person. Also I have subcategories! Yay!

(I’ve included the *** next to titles that I have watched multiple times or that stand out from the rest of the pack.)

First of all, Movie Melos.

Sometimes you don’t have time for 16-30 hours of drama. Sometimes you want to get all your feels out in a single sitting and move on with your life. That’s where movies are so helpful. My favorite bite-sized melos are:

Always*** – An ex-con trying to get his life together falls in love with a blind woman, but his efforts to help her recover her sight might drag him right back into the violence he’s tried to escape.

Shoot My Heart – A young heir is forced into a mental hospital by his rich family where he meets a disturbed young man. They become friends, try to protect each other, and eventually escape. This one has a bit more of a comedic element to it than the other movies I’m recommending, but there’s plenty of the melo tone as the movie goes on.

Will You Be There? – After finding out that he’s dying of cancer, a man travels through time to beg his younger self to save the life of his first love.

Butterfly Sleep – This is a Japanese movie, but it also stars Korean actor Kim Jae Wook, who recently got a boost in popularity from Her Private Life. The movie revolves around a poor young man from Korea who ends up living with an older woman, a novelist who has just discovered she is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and the passionate relationship that develops between the two as he helps her finish what will be her final book. #tragedy_tag

High Quality, Human Melodramas

So, this category is for if you want something with all the emotional gut punch of a really wild family drama, but you also want your melos to have actual artistic merit so when you tell your non-drama watching friends and family members about them they don’t end up losing respect for your taste.

Just Between Lovers – This is the story of two young people involved in and scarred by the same horrific accident, but survived and end up finding solace in one another as they deal with their combined traumas. If you’ve seen this drama around the kdramasphere on tumblr you might have seen a lot of gifs of the soft romance. Don’t be fooled though. The romance is indeed wonderful, but the themes are heavy and it can be rough sit.

My Mister*** – I really am just looking for every possible opportunity to recommend this drama. It has supplanted my former favorites and become my top drama of all time. It’s about two people, a troubled young woman in her 20′s and a structural engineer in his 40′s who have become beaten down and broken by life. Their two lives end up intersecting and they develop a really complex friendship that changes both of their lives. Acting, writing, directing…I have nothing bad to say about My Mister. This drama is actually perfect. 

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes – Do you like your melos a bit murdery? I know I sure do. Give me a sociopath any day of the week and I’ll say, “Thank you. I’ll take two.” This drama is about a young man who might be a monster. He becomes a detectives prime suspect in a murder investigation. At the same time he meets the detectives younger sister and they begin to fall in love. #tragedy_tag If this sounds like your thing, but you don’t like super sad endings check out Hello Monster, also starring Seo In Guk.

Secret Love Affair – I think it’s probably safe to say this drama is considered a modern kdrama classic, and for good reason. A story revolving around a woman who gave up her dreams for security, trapped in a loveless marriage, who meets a piano savant from an extremely underprivileged background and he sets off a spark for passion, music and love that she hasn’t felt in a long time. This is a quiet, pensive drama with a lot of wonderful music and atmosphere. YMMV depending on your tolerance for cheating and a slow-burn pace.

Alright, Cut the Crap Jona, Show Me the Extra Soapy Guilty Pleasure Dramas We All Know You Like…

Maybe you don’t go in for this type of self-conscious, “serious” drama watching. You’re going to watch these things in the sanctity of your own room and never tell a soul about them. Or perhaps you’ve evolved past needing other people’s approval to enjoy the things you like. Good for you, I say! As it should be. In that case, I have some top shelf makjang crack to deal you. This is the part of the list where the sliding scale of quality gets a little wobbly. Most of these shows contain a little, if not a lot, of crazysauce. All of them are over-the-top melo fun.

Baker King Kim Tak Gu – A drama about the illegitimate son of a conglomerate CEO who has inherited his preternatural baking abilities looking for his place in a family that will never acknowledge him. Yeah, the premise is pretty “what”? When I first watched this drama I thought it was supposed to be a satire of the makjang genre. To this day I’m not sure how seriously this drama actually takes itself. What I will say is it’s hella entertaining, even as it piles on more than it’s share of craziness (machinations, murder, affairs, chaebol fuckery, love polygons, gangsters, birth secrets, and on and on.) I was surprisingly invested and remarkably satisfied by the ending.

Ms. Perfect – This drama is something of a gothic romance/makjang melo mash up. It involves a woman whose marriage shatters just as she loses her home and finds herself desperate to take care of her family. She’s enticed by a mysterious woman to live with her in her huge house, but this stranger has eerie motivations of her own. Really fun, weird show. But brace yourself to be blue-balled by the romance. It’s one steamy make out session from being noona-romance catnip. 

Money Flower*** – I unironically love this drama. It’s very close to the platonic ideal of the Revenge Melo. It involves a Dantes-esque male lead, Kang Pil Joo, who is willing to destroy himself to enact his multi-decade revenge on a wealthy family that took everything from him. He is the shadow of a spoiled young heir who he plans to use to take down the whole evil empire of Chungha group, but in order to do that he has to orchestrate the heir’s marriage with the innocent daughter of a powerful politician, the woman who Pil Joo himself is in love with.

That Winter, The Wind Blows – This one is a lurid conman tail about a gambler who, in his attempts to pay back a dangerous gangster out for his life, pretends to be the prodigal brother of a blind heiress. He tries to get the money and skip town, but ends up falling in love with the mark which comes with a host of other complications, not the least of which is she thinks he’s her brother. This one is high on the guilty-pleasure-o-meter for me.

Come and Hug Me – Some people might disagree with my putting this one on here, but for me the premise is too wildly melodramatic to omit. The leads start out as childhood sweethearts, but the problem is his father is a deranged serial killer and her parents end up two of his victims. As adults he becomes a detective trying to make up for his father’s legacy of cruelty and she becomes a famous actress like her mother. Traumas resurface when she becomes the target of an apparent copycat and their past connection becomes the fixation of a ruthless tabloid journalist.

Thank You – After his fiancee dies of cancer, a Doctor travels to a remote island to fulfill her last wish–to help the family of a little girl the late fiancee was responsible for inadvertently infecting with HIV. Unexpectedly he finds himself attracted to the girl’s single mother. However, he will have to contend with the prejudices of the island people about AIDS and the reappearance with the girl’s father. This one is as heavy as it sounds, and the oldest drama on this list, from 2007, with all the idiosyncrasies that go along with older dramas. But it’s remarkably well done. From the same writer of a bunch of classic melodramas (I’m Sorry, I Love You; A Love To Kill; Innocent Man; Uncontrollably Fond, etc) but this is my personal favorite of hers.

The Last Empress – Okay, I couldn’t omit this one. I tried. Average musical actress Oh Sunny winds up married to the Emperor in an alternate history version of Korea and becomes embroiled in the machinations of the corrupt royal family. With a nice side helping of revenge plot. It’s demonstrably not a good show. It’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen. But it had me hooked early on and then I couldn’t get myself free. What a magnificent train wreck this drama was. If you’re looking for problematic nonsense melos that were MASSIVE hits in Korea and you’re torn between this and Baker King, go with the silly bread show and keep this one in your back pocket.

Fated to Love You – This one is probably the most off-brand on the list, because it leans heavily on the comedic tone, especially for the first half. There’s a definite turn at the midpoint of the drama where it becomes MUCH more melodramatic (with all the tropes you expect to go along with that), but I think it pulls of the transition impressively well. Besides, it’s a fun watch with a fluffy feelgood ending with a bow on top. It’s a dash of sugar for your melodrama sojourn, a genre that admittedly can be a bit of a bummer.

There it is. I tried to do an extra good job with my list because it took me so long to get it out. I’m sorry again. Happy watching!

Jona