#had so many damn feels today | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hippolotamus · 10 months ago

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maybe i'm sitting at my desk trying to write you a love letter. except maybe it hit me all at once and is too great, this affection i hold for you. a different shape altogether than what i'm used to. not fragile and desperate and loud and begging. it is strong and certain, quietly content. like wordlessly watching the sunrise on the shores of the great lakes. maybe it has no need to yell and clang for acceptance because it knows we're finally home.

#hippo rambles #had so many damn feels today #mostly around how quick i've spat out i love you's out of desperation to not be alone #it's very buck x.0 of me #but then i thought of you #and we say i love you all the time #and it's always true #but it's different #and so so quiet just lurking in the background #and just what the hell am i supposed to do with it all?

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ricky-mortis · 5 months ago

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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending

#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together #just one #look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together #I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow #away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with #where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his #connections with people like Tatiana #etc etc #I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen #(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want #but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref #maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together #ough #the curtwen feels are really getting me today #I adore them #also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week #doesn’t it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so #we might be seeing more of this one in the future #although 6b is still my guy #damn y’know hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride #god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights #FUCK anyways #fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army #isn’t that cute #reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs #crazy #curtwen week

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stellewriites · 4 months ago

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just had a fucking banger of a session at work with some teens,, i feel like it’s such a breakthrough like this is so rewarding omg

#we’re doing da (domestic abuse) awareness but tailored specifically to them due to their risky behaviour and the fact that one of them was #recently in a da relationship and the group just like abandoned them kinda thing #so we’re doing some work around support systems terminology and intro to the basics like doing scenarios based on real stories etc etc #and after 6 months i think im like actually getting through to them #im not trying to change minds or make them feel bad!! im just trying to give them as much info as possible and as many options and pov’s as #possible and today i think they’re really starting to try and are actively participating #i try not to talk about work too much on here but god fucking damn this felt good #like they went from making fun of each others answers and being silly to actually like?? tearing up at the end??? which having people cry #never nice and is always understandable with this work but to see them all take it serious and to recognise the behaviours and how #unhealthy they are the severity of it all….. like they had a big group hug and then discussed the session as an unprompted bonus (!!!) for #like 20 mins :’)#as fucking corny as it is like THIS is why i do the job kinda shit you know? just feels good to know these kids might be more ok than they #would’ve been otherwise #stelle yaps

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helielune · 1 year ago

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love deluxe 💘

#yukako yamagishi #jjba #jojo #MY ART #ALMOST FORGOT TO TAG THAT #diamond is unbreakable #jjba part 4 #jojo part 4 #how many different ways can you say the same thing challenge #jojo's bizarre adventure #yknow after looking at this a while i started feeling like it. could be a phone background. well #and then i did actually turn it into a phone background #it works. fine. depending on where your notifs gather on your screen #YALL i pet a cat today. it was fucking glorious. one of the most on model looking cats i've ever seen in my life too #like if you image search 'beautiful cat' she would be it #ran my hands thru her fur and skritched under her chin when she raised her head. she was so sweet literally a perfect baby.#yeah i just really had to say that. if i wasn't so damn tired today i definitely would have loved it even more #if the stars align i may be able to see her again soon. she is the cat of someone i work with sometimes so perhaps lol

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mangomybeloved · 7 months ago

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this job search has me feeling so bitter and negative recently and i hate it so bad :((((((( plus i think spending so much time on tumblr is starting to affect me cause i find myself being needlessly mean or like overthinking the most random online discourse and it's not good for me!!!

#also looking at what my old classmates is up to did not help #plus got the most shittiest job offer today (for a job APPARENTLY a hr from me for 13/hr haha no)#so yeah............. god please give me a good paying job soon..... pls #i feel like recently ive been wrestling with the idea that im disappointing my younger self #like she had so many hopes and dreams #and here i am with barely achieving any of them :(#luna.txt #damn this is like the 5th vent post i made on here in the past 2 months aint it................ welp

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savage-rhi · 9 months ago

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.Magenta.

#in a nut shell...#my whole team betrayed me minus 2 #i was told and swore up and down that my absences related to disability were not an issue #come to find out that wasn't the case #there was resentment and everyone did a damn good job putting on an act and masking #i cannot begin to describe the kind of betrayal i am feeling #i believe in being transparent especially if you're part of a team of people who help others with mental health issues #i expressed many times that if my conditon caused inconvenience or problems then approach me and we can navigate around it together #i worked with these people for over 10 months and no one said a damn thing #i had no indication or inkling there was anything amiss even when i inquired before.#even my supervisor who was supportive and freely gave me and approved of time off lied to my face #and as a i handed in my belongings today everyone was ordered not to engage with me because on monday i utilized the chill space #aka the rage room after hours when the kids were gone because after getting interrogated by HR trauma from former work places came up #and with long covid stuff im still figuring out i needed a spot to vent #im not the only employee btw that used that room for personal raging everyone at some point has used it to either be contemplative #scream or toss punch and throw things so long as the kids are not on grounds we can do that #yet when i finally hit that point and want to decompress safely suddenly i am the dangerous monster #these people are supposed to be trauma informed #well trauma informed my ass #on a positive blessing i never have to work with these assholes ever again and i pray we never meet in public #its going to take a long time and a lot of healing before i think i will be able to trust people fully again #savage magenta #magenta is my vent word

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moe-broey · 26 days ago

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Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know

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disappointeddyke · 3 months ago

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Absolutely no motivation to unpack my apartment after the past week I’ve had and I’m trying not to be so tough on myself but I’m still sleeping on my mattress on my floor and living out of my suitcase and I’m just starting to feel so disorganized and icky which I know won’t go away until I unpack

#I’ve been trying to get a few little things done here and there after work but I’ve been so fucking dead #I slept almost all day Monday when I had work off #then I had an appointment with my psychiatrist after work yesterday #which I had to do in a park on my phone since my wifi isn’t set up in my apartment yet and I have no service in there either #and I have to leave work early for another doctors appointment today #and then therapy tonight #and I really need to pick some prescriptions up that I’m completely out of but haven’t had time to before the pharmacy closes #and I desperately need to do laundry but my new apartment only takes coins for laundry and the bank is always close before I get out of work #all on top of so many other things happening in my life rn #I just feel like a damn mess #I want to lay in bed with someone to keep me company while they play with my hair and we watch happy comfort movies

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cinnabeat · 5 months ago

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sometimes my lungs/heart do something funky and im like hm that doesnt seem normal. but then i reason to myself well you just got up and walked around obviously ur heart will beat a little harder since youre moving but then im like no thats bullshit i walked 20 feet to the bathroom that should NOT make my heart beat so hard i feel like i just ran for my life. but then i reason to myself again well youre kind of out of shape so its understandable? and then im like NO bc this has happened even when i was exercising regularly thanks to soccer this isnt normal? but then-

#this post brought to you by i walked to the kitchen (again like 20-30 ft) and was having a little trouble breathing and then i unhooked my b #bra and did some light breathing exercises to get everything under control #i am obviously the pinnacle of health #not but fr i go thru this same mental flip flop All The Time #usually it stops at the youre out of shape portion but today i had the genius thought that no this happened even if i was exercising regular #regularly. clearly there is something wrong with me (derogatory)#the other day my mom was like my asthmas acting up its hard to breathe :(#and i was like have you perhaps tried unhooking your bra bc honestly it happens to me a lot that my bras just squeeze too tight #and she looked at me like i was crazy and was like michelle no thats mot the problem??#and i was like damn ok 🙄#and its like. do other people not start feeling short of breath when they wear a bra sometimes?#i think some of mine are too small? but theyre not a problem half the time so idk #i hate going bra shopping tbh i dont actually know my size #theyre all either WAYY too fucking big or they come in just my size but are a type i hate #michi tag #idk where i was going with this #ohhh my god ok in project hail mary when they were teying to figure out how to prevent the apocalypse via starvation #and they were like yeah lets just release all the fucking methane gas in the polar ice caps and speedrun global warming #and literally my first thought was well damn fuck the asthmatics i guess #the air quality must be soo shitty my god #partially why i did not like the ending was bc it didnt give us a view of how things on earth panned out #just at the end like hey btw earth survived congrats :)#wnd it was so anticlimatic tbh like i knowww there was drama on earth i know it #i wanna know what info he gave them. did he tell them oh yeah btw i woke up and everyone was fucking dead #did he tell them abt the aliens. im assuming he did if only bc of the xenoite #but its like. i so wanna know what the political landscape is like on earth #this is so tangential my point is i just know the asthmatics were not having a fun time #i mean so many people were not having a fun time obvs like they deadass paved the sahara but yeah i wanna know #anyways

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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new therapist update. we just had our first session and she is AMAZING in every single way. i feel so fucking lucky

#purrs #i had a horrible couple hours earlier today so i am feeling shaken from that and it’s hard to process the goodness of that. but it was so #good. she matched my energy and we’ve been thru some of the same stuff and she validated me abt things i have never a) told anyone before b)#gotten validation about. so it was really good. im so lucky and so excited to work with her. and she even stayed on w me for an extra half #hour so i could answer all her questions thoroughly 🥹 i wish i wasn’t in so much pain that i can’t acually register how good that was now th #that im not in it but omg. i am so happy. also she kinda informally diagnosed me w trauma spectrum stuff and said that’s how we’ll approach #all my other stuff and she said she has so many ideas abt how to work w me and so much energy she was ready to take a power walk LOLLLL :’~D #she was the first person i found. i was immediately drawn to her. i was a little alarmed when she automatically assumed we would be working #together and also she spelled my last name wrong in the portal which DAMN it i forgot to tell her about omg. but yeah im so glad. it was #meant to be and she said so too. WAHHHHHHH 😭#now i just have to recover from this fucking breakdown which i might have another one of if redacted. LMFAO

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eloquent-music · 5 months ago

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After quite a bit of time of being busy and all, he's satisfying himself with a drink first before doing anything about the current injury to his upper leg right now. Now this---this is what he's needed.

#//i have gotten swarmed/bit so many times today UNPROVOCKED DAMN BUGS #god thats one thing i didnt miss about living here the damn wasps and hornets and yellow jackets #so tarn will feel my pain isntead caus >B( i had to “hide” in the damn cookhouse for a few minutes to make it stop what DID I DO DAMMIT #I WAS WALKING ON THE ROADWAY LIKE #they make my skin crawl i swear #also i keep meaning to make a long post but i am lazy

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look-at-the-stars-tonight · 5 months ago

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My heart is soooo full of love guys

#I think sunlight is a drug #I feel like a new person #maybe it’s just a mindset shift idk #but I’m doing art again too!!!! it’s been SO long since I’ve done art on my own #and like actually attempted a project #and then improv was so fucking fun today #stilll thinking about Brophy’s character. he was just a lil caterpillar. he deserved better #and then Liz played an alcoholic mom who was AWFUL to her kid #and we were just silly and goofy and had a great lil time with this teacher #I love all my friends so much #they’re incredibly funny. honored that they let me play with them #I just have such a good life and I gotta remember that!!! for the winter #maybe. maybe I’m just Fixed and it’s not just that the sun is out #I have also been on a really really weird sleep schedule so maybe that’s part of it #but I feel like I’ve been waxing poetic about the clouds for like a week before my sleep schedule got changed #anyways #go outside and look at how pretty the sky is!!! and the trees and the birds!!! so many little birds #and also the people. all my friends are beautiful and lovely and I’m so glad they’re in my life #I even talked to coworkers I hate today #and I was polite and made conversation #(not with Karl. let’s not get too crazy here. he can go die)#but even fucking ******#I was nice to her even tho I dislike her #cause she’s just a person!! we’re all just people guys #except Karl. Karl can go fuck himself.#damn even my good mood can’t make me excuse him as a human being that’s wild #ANYWAYS all this rambling to say life is soooo good #things are gonna be ok. and even when they’re not we’ll get through ittt

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lesbiansanemi · 7 months ago

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I don’t often think I’m upset at not having a good relationship with my parents but sometimes it really fucking hits me that I don’t have a good mom I don’t have a dad I’ll never experience having a good parent and someone I can lean on like that and I get… really upset

#I have this coworker who is about my mom’s age #I love her and she’s a wonderful person and she’s such a good parent to her kids #her autistic queer kids and she fights for them and defends them all the time #she values their interests and does things they love with them and supports their choices and jusy #ugh #today she gave me a hug because ‘it’s really seemed like I wasn’t doing okay’#and ‘I’ve been dealing with a lot of hard things and big life changes which she knows is really hard’#and I kinda teared up #my own parents don’t even know about everything that has happened with my roommate or the friends I’ve lost this year #I don’t tell them. and I could but it wouldn’t matter #my mother wouldn’t care. she definitely wouldn’t sympathize or give me a hug over it #she wouldn’t comfort me #my dad my try but he lives thousands of miles away #and I love my dad but I didn’t get to know him until I was 17 #I don’t think he’s really like… a dad you know?#he’s more like some weird friend or MAYBE an uncle than anything #which is fine! I think it’s really the best we can do and like I said I do love him and I know he loves me #but it’s still… different than a parent you know?#and sometimes I just ache knowing I don’t get parents…#I don’t get that relationship that so many ppl have that’s so important to them #and it just doesn’t feel fair and makes me feel really sad #I’m glad I’m as independent as I am but even that doesn’t feel fair #I’ve lived on my own since I was 17…. I never should have had to do that anyways….#and I just feel sad because I got a hug from my coworker that made me want to sob #because it’s like damn… is this a teeny tiny taste of what having an actual good mom is like?#I missed out on so much….#kaz rambles

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fenharel-archived · 1 year ago

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*threatens todd with a bat* there is a good game hidden beneath all this jank todd i can see it. why did you insist on adding all these empty planets everywhere todd? why?! why the forced focus on exploration when we already always wanted to explore your games without you forcing us?!

#saskia plays starfield #i had a lot of fun last night tbh #i started the uc questline and i was pleasantly surprised how the quests where written tbh #i had a lot of personal conversations with my companions which i loved! her background and some perk she has coming up during dialogue #i did the mantis quest which was awesome #just! yesterday was great #but today. god so many instances where i was just dissociating through them loading screens again #counting damn sheep until my protag finally managed to walk 8787m through an empty planet to reach some quest area.....#it feels like im doing work sometimes which is not good #just. there is so much where im like ''god i cant wait until there is a mod for that'' dunno man. rather would have bugs rn than that #the beginning is so slow and then it becomes good. just to be constantly disrupted by its flaws #and dont get me started how unfortunate it is that new atlantis is the central hub and first impression the player gets of the game #the blandest city i have encountered yet #there are just. a couple things where i just dont understand what toddy and co. where thinking #actually i do understand but i wish it was different. oh well #sorry about the rant if anyone is reading this lmaooooo #i just hope tomorrow will be a good starfield day again. i paid enough money for this damn game #just imagine how this game could be if it where all on one map like bethy games usually are. i cannot imagine i would rant about it

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grahamdollton · 9 months ago

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#my peculiar wife #i'm not rewatching speaking of sex atm i just found this in the vaults (my screenshot folder)#then again i might rewatch it today because i feel like shit and seeing him in such a..... state..... might improve matters #at least yesterday wasn't a total bust #and by that i mean i actually had a decent day yesterday which i haven't been able to say in ages #i left my cave and went to an estate sale where an incredibly attractive middle aged gentleman with silver hair let me have #these two big wooden roll top boxes full of cassettes (many of which are sealed blanks!) for five bucks.....#i haven't gone through them thoroughly yet but it looks like there's a lot of early appalachian gospel #can't go wrong there.........#the man kept calling me sir #sometimes it baffles me that i “”“pass”“” these days because my hair is so damn long and i keep my face clean shaven #so that's nice #with how depressed i've been sometimes i hate to acknowledge when i have a decent day or even a decent moment #because i almost superstitiously feel it will act as a magnet for my depression to swoop in and feed on it #and out of that fear my depression has developed this sort of..... personified stubbornness #where i both consciously and unconsciously avoid what might allow for an opening for “decent moments”.. pleasure.. joy.. whatever might #might grant me relief from pain even just for a moment etc #i don't know what i'm trying to describe here all i know is i feel trying to announce or acknowledge any sort of happiness i experience #feels like i'm directly endangering it #my brain is too scattered right now to try to articulate anything and i don't know why i'm doing so in the tags of a photo of #my peculiar wife james spader #just trying to exist again and not let myself be a hermit to the extent of harold smith which is very much the path i've been on for a long #long time #and i'm chipping away at that nonexistence in strange ways but chipping away nonetheless.......

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fingertipsmp3 · 10 months ago

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I feel like I’ve lived through at least a month just in the past 3 days. I checked the date just now and damn near had an out of body experience when I realised Monday was only two days ago

#bro the absolute sodding emotional rollercoaster i have been through this past week should be studied by scientists #thursday: unsuccessful job interview. friday: found out that the job interview was unsuccessful. but one of the interviewers (actually a #former colleague of mine lol) gave me a piece of feedback that made me feel like i’d cracked the code for all future interviews #it was this: keep. talking. give as many details as humanly fucking possible. talk about policy. drop in words like safeguarding #list as many examples of stuff as you can. tell stories. bamboozle them #OH i forgot to even fucking mention we had builders at our house until friday. friday was the last day they woke me up with a cacophony #so the weekend was uneventful aside from there was a skip in the driveway and scaffolding all down the side of the house but zero men #monday: successful interview. found out it was successful 5 hours later. got off the phone having accepted the job…… and found a text from #my old boss (the boss i had at the job i really enjoyed. that old boss) inviting me to come back this summer #i had a bit of a mental breakdown but eventually decided to stick with the job i’d just got because it’s a permanent contract and they will #let me sit down #yesterday: found out that the foster doggy i applied for and really wanted is going to her forever home on thursday (which is now tomorrow)#obviously i love this for her but i was like ‘damn. okay’#today: the foster co-ordinator was like ‘hey do you want to foster this rambunctious 3 year old unneutered terrier?’#i was like ‘sure yeah what the fuck. that might as well happen’#(they are neutering him beforehand. and he looks really cute. he’s not aggressive he’s just a young terrier with like 3 brain cells)#unless something finally kills me in the meantime i’m picking him up on monday. i cancelled therapy in order to do this. yes i’m well aware #that there’s a metaphor somewhere in there but it’s fine. i rescheduled therapy #i also have realised i do not know how and when i’m going to get my ssri prescription renewed… i know the pharmacy will call me in a couple #of weeks to make sure i haven’t died. but i think i was supposed to get a prescription renewal at therapy #the therapy i won’t be going to until like 5 days after my prescription runs out. that therapy. foook #honestly withdrawal symptoms would probably just spice up the situation at this point. they’d just make things interesting #i swear to god everything always gets crazy and stupid right before my birthday… remember when i turned 26 and couldn’t drink because i #was on antibiotics for a kidney infection. and when i turned 27 and one of my wisdom teeth tried to emerge #this is like that except with dogs and jobs. at least the skip and the scaffolding are gone now #i AM trying to sell a sofa on facebook marketplace so wish me luck with that ig #personal

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