#had a meltdown while doing the dishes over this

[reidsfavoritegirl]

I am so fucking terrified of death

[justmossyaps]

y’all ever feel like you’re trying to diffuse several bombs while a bomb is also strapped to your chest? cause my friends are sad and angry and not feeling well so i’m trying to take care of them and cheer them up and be the comic relief and also my parents are stressed so im trying to help them calm down and do the cleaning and stuff for them so they can go relax and my dog is crazy so i have to help wear him out so he doesn’t stress my parents out more and im constantly trying not to have a meltdown and also look like im not about to pass out every time i stand up and it’s just like UGH. i can physically feel tension in the air and it’s like aghhhhhh i can’t breathe

[starshine-hockey-girl]

This idea came after the photos from Sid and Nate's commercial shoot came out last week. This blurb is set in the present and contains previously discussed spoilers for Never Ever Have I.

Warnings - None that I can think of

Word length - 2.5K (okay I am incapable of writing short blurbs- sorry/not sorry)

@pattiemac1 @penstxgal1968 @couldawouldashoulda50

Crosby Cottage - Nova Scotia

“Sid,” Nate MacKinnon yelled as he walked in the door to the cottage, not bothering to knock.

Evie emerged from the kitchen, drying her hands with a dish towel. She glanced upstairs and said, “Sorry, we had an incident with Cat pouring her cereal milk all over herself at breakfast. Sidney went to clean and change her.” Nate grimaced and looked at his watch. Evie took notice and offered a distraction, “Have you eaten breakfast? I have some fruit and avocado chopped.” He followed her into the kitchen.

He groaned as she made herself a slice of warm sourdough toast - complete with butter and homemade jam. “Why do you torment me?” he whined as he picked at his fruit.

Evie stared at him, “For the same reason I torment Sidney…..because it is fun.” Nate rolled his eyes. Evie leaned forward, “You know Nathan - I don’t mind you barging in my home without knocking but one day it may bite you in the ass.”

Nate tilted his head in confusion, “Bite me in the ass how?” Evie walked over to the coffee pot to pour herself another cup. She simply raised her eyebrow. Nate began to repeat himself when he caught her drift. “Evie!!!!” he yelped, “I do not need visuals in my head. Oh…. My…. God.”

“Then learn to knock,” she deadpanned.

Upstairs in Catherine’s bed room, Sidney held out two shirts for her to choose from. She adamantly shook her head back and forth, “No!” He glanced at his watch. Nate would be here any minute to drive him to the Tim Horton’s commercial shoot. He did not have time for a two year old tantrum over clothes. “CatCat, if you don’t want to wear one of these shirts, what would you like to wear?” he asked calmly.

“Princess dress…… Princess dress!” she exclaimed. Sidney quickly decided to let his daughter have the small victory. Quickly he put on a pink Cinderella dress on her. Sidney picked her up to take her downstairs and eliminate her painfully slow trek down the stairs. When they arrived downstairs, Catherine practically lept out of his arms. “Mackie!!!” she ran to Nate, “Mackie Cheesie - look at dress. Me pretty dress!”

Nate scooped her into his arms, “Catsup!” The curly haired brunette giggled at the nickname her “Uncle” Nate had bestowed upon her. He teased her, “Why are you so dressed up? Are you going to meet the queen while Papa and I work?”

Sidney and Evie both gasped out loud and Nate stopped in his tracks. Catherine had recently developed a several case of separation anxiety which resulted in meltdowns whenever her parents left her. Evie had hoped to distract her daughter while Sidney slipped out the door to avoid the inevitable chaos. Catherine turned to her father, “Papa work? Papa leave?” Her lip trembled as the realization set in. Then she turned to her mother who pressed her lips together and silently cursed Nate.

Sidney knelt down, “Yes, Papa is going to work with Mackie. I won’t be long though. I will be home after you get up from your nap.” Evie shot him a look. He might as well have told her that he was coming home at midnight. Not only was he leaving, he reminded her of her archnemesis - naptime.

“No, Papa stay. Papa stay. No Papa Go!” Catherine shrieked, “Papa stay! No Papa, no nap!”

Sidney and Evie exchanged a look and had a silent conversation with their eyes. Evie communicated to Sidney to bring Catherine to her to deal with the forthcoming meltdown. Sidney wrapped Catherine in his arms and hugged her tightly.

Nate sensed that he had unknowingly instigated the situation and scrambled to come up with an idea. “Hey Catsup,” Nate cajoled, “What if you came to work with Papa and me? Would you like that? It will be fun.”

Both Sidney and Evie spun their heads around as Catherine squealed, “I go! I go with Mackie Cheesie”

Sidney uttered under his breath, “I’m going to kill him.”

“Not if I get to him first,” she whispered back. He had committed the cardinal sin of asking a question before getting parental approval. Now there would be no denying the idea without Sidney or Evie taking the fall as the bad guy. Based on history, Evie knew exactly who would be the bad guy in this scenario and it would not be Sidney.

Nate realized his mistake and stumbled over his words, “Come on! It will be fun.” He grabbed Catherine from Sidney’s arms. “Catsup and Mackie Cheesie make a commercial. There will be donuts!” Sidney did admit to himself that the thought wasn’t TERRIBLE. He gave Evie a hopeful look.

“I am sorry, Nate, but I have plans today.,” she said as she went to grab Catherine.

“Noooooo! I go Mackie and Cheesie. I go Papa,” she whined.

“Remember CatCat? You are going to Grandma and Grandpa’s house for movie day? Momma has plans. ” Evie got down on her daughter’s level to explain.

“Noooooo! I go Mackie Cheesie. I go Papa,” she whined. “I understand,” Catherine smiled.

Nate interjected, “Come on Evie. Let her come with us. She’ll have a blast.”

Evie shook her head, “No, she will need someone to look after her.”

“I will look after her,” Nate countered. Suddenly he was invested in the plan.

“And while you are filming?” Evie responded.

Sidney’s head bounced back and forth between his friend and wife. Internally he debated the pros and cons of each scenario. Ultimately, he decided to be as neutral as possible.

“She can sit in my chair,” Nate suggested. He turned to Catherine, “You can do that, right? Sit in Mackie’s chair while Papa and I work? Right?”

Catherine, despite just being two years old, knew that she needed to agree to anything to get her way. She nodded her head enthusiastically up and down.

Evie looked at her husband and noted his silence. She knew that meant that he counted on her to be the one to deliver the bad news and crush Catherine’s heart. She didn’t want to give him the pleasure. “Okay CatCat, if Papa says yes, then you can go.” She turned to Sidney with a sweet smile as he blinked. So much for staying neutral.

“CatCat, do you promise to mind Papa and Mackie?” he bent down to his daughter’s eye level.

“I promise. I be good girl” she smiled her best smile.

Sidney gulped, “Okay, I guess you are going with us then.”

As they walked out to the car, Catherine jabbered to Nate as he buckled her into her car seat. Sidney whispered, “This is going to be fine, isn’t it, Evie?”

Evie just laughed, “Yes, what could possibly go wrong?”

Two hours later - Tim Horton’s Commercial shoot location - Halifax, NS

Sidney came back from the bathroom to find Catherine sitting on Nate’s lap as they touched up his make-up. In her lap, was a coffee cup filled to the brim with Timbits. She shoved one into her mouth as her father approached. “CatCat, how many Timbits have you had?” he asked sweetly, “I think you have had enough. Remember I got you some when we first got here?”

Nate’s jaw dropped, “Catsup! You told me that you were hungry.”

She smiled sweetly as she shoved another Timbit in her mouth as both scolded, “No more!”

The production assistant walked over, “Sid and Nate- we’re ready for the Zamboni shot set-up. Can we get you into place so we can adjust the lighting?”

Both nodded in agreement. Nate gently placed Catherine in the director’s chair that he had been sitting in. “You stay here, Catsup. You can see us from here.” Nate instructed the toddler. Catherine noticed the Zamboni for the first time. Her eyes lit up and she squealed with delight. Sidney looked over with a nervous smile.

“Zamboni!!!!” she yelled, “Cat ride Zamboni too!”

Sidney called back, “No, you sit and watch. We have to work now.”

Catherine let out an ear-piercing scream, “Zamboni!! Cat ride Zamboni too!” She stood up in the chair and screamed like a banshee.

Nate looked at Sid and Sid looked at Nate. “What do we do?” Nate asked.

“It was your brilliant idea to bring her. Figure something out,” Sidney huffed.

Nate hopped off the Zamboni sheepishly, “Catsup, come sit on my lap while they adjust the lighting and then you have to go back, okay?” She willingly complied.

After spending a few minutes with Nate, she switched over to her father’s lap. She rested her head against his chest, “Papa, my tummy hurts.”

Sidney looked down, “It’s probably the Timbits. Too many will make your tummy hurt. Don’t eat any more.”

When it was time for the actual shots, Catherine moved back to her spot on the director’s chair with Nate’s name on the back. The next hour flew by in a whirlwind of activity. Sidney kept an eye on Catherine who was the center of attention off camera.

Unbeknownst to Sidney, Catherine had managed to convince each new adorer that she was “starving”. She was rewarded each time with a handful of Timbits in exchange that she would not tell her father. She solemnly agreed each time. However, she was reaching her limit of time away from her father and began asking for him. “Just a few more minutes,” she was told each time. Her requests became louder and more insistent.

Sidney could detect her voice in the background. He paid close attention to the tone and waited for the inevitable. After asking five times, Catherine screamed in the middle of a take, “Papa!!! Papa!!!! Papa!!!” Action came to a screeching halt and Sidney sheepishly asked for a brief break. Nathan and he left the Zamboni and came to find Catherine. He knelt down and held out his arms. Catherine came running into them. “Papa! Papa!” she cried into his neck.

“Shhhhh, I am here CatCat,” he soothed.

“Papa leave. Papa leave. No more work” she insisted.

“Papa is almost done, CatCat,” he answered, “I am sorry it’s taking so long. Mackie Cheese keeps messing up his lines.”

Nate’s mouth dropped and he frowned, “That’s a lie, Catsup. Papa is messing up more.”

“No way,” Sidney countered, “It’s been you the last four in a row.”

“How about the seven before that,” Nate scoffed.

Catherine’s head ping ponged between the two men as they verbally sparred. She quickly lost interest and patted Sidney on the shoulder. “Papa,” she said in a whine, “tummy hurt.”

Sidney looked at her, “Your tummy still hurts? How does it hurt?”

At that moment, a production assistant approached, “Sir, we are ready for the next set-up.”

Sidney waved them off, “CatCat, I am sorry that your tummy hurts. Try sitting in the chair and breathing. I will be done as soon as possible.” Nate sensed the tears that were about to come and grabbed her swiftly. “I am not sure I would do that Nate,” Sidney cautioned as he watched Nate swing Catherine around in an effort to distract her.

“What are you talking about?” Nate laughed, “Catsup, you love when Mackie Cheese spins you around.” She didn’t respond so he threw her small body into the air.

“Seriously, Nate, this won’t end well,” Sidney started just as Catherine opened her mouth. Time slowed down for Sidney and Nate as Catherine vomited all over Nate. His face and chest was covered in puke and half digested Timbits. He brought her down and held her out in his arms. Sidney reached and grabbed her as the commercial production stood in stunned silence. Nate blinked and looked down at his jersey now soaked with vomit. Sidney turned Catherine to face him around just as the second wave of puke hurled out of her.

Sid set Catherine down as they were swarmed by people in a desperate rush to clean their stars. Catherine noticed the vomit on her Cinderella dress and began to understand that something was profoundly wrong. “Mama, Mama, Mama” she cried. As with all children, Papa was great for fun and games, but when shit got real (or in this case vomit), she wanted her mother. She wanted her mother and she wanted her NOW

“We need to call for reinforcements, Sid,” Nate whined.

“I am not calling. You can call,” Sid answered, “No way, I am calling. She’ll kill me.”

“Come on, Sid,” Nate pleaded as he stood stripped down to his boxers. Sidney stood firm. “Fine, I’ll text”

Forty Five minutes later

Nate and Sidney sat silently as the film crew refused to make eye contact. Stripped down to their boxers, they waited patiently in uncomfortable silence. Catherine, wrapped her body around Sidney’s broad chest like a kangaroo and rested her head. 

Evie approached with a knowing smirk. “Well, well, well,” she teased as she reached them. She handed out the appropriate clothes, “Do I need to bother to ask what caused her to vomit?”

Nate, knowing the implication of her question, squealed, “I only gave her 5 Timbits. Not enough to make her vomit.”

Sidney interjected “Wait, you gave her Timbits too? I gave some when we got here.”  Nate glared at Sidney’s obvious attempt to feign ignorance.

Evie’s eyebrow raised, “Seriously, you think she barfed from 10 Timbits?”

“I swear,” the duo screamed. 

Evie turned to Catherine who grinned, “CatCat- did someone else give you Timbits?” She nodded her head yes gleefully. “Who?” Catherine pointed from person to person as each sheepishly looked to the ground. “Well, that will do it.” 

“That’s the last time I let Uncle Mackie be in charge of you, little one,” Evie said as she picked Catherine. She quickly dressed her and hugged her tight. Her daughter seemed to be fine considering.  

Sidney and Nate dressed without words. Sidney stole glances at his wife and pondered just how angry she was. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She smiled softly in place, “Are you trying smooth talk your way out of this Crosby?”

“Maybe,” he kissed her shoulder and then smiled at Catherine.

“You smell horrible, but you are not in trouble,” Evie looked back at Nate.

Sidney smiled, “I’m not in trouble? Really?”

“No, but Nathan is,” she said firmly

Catherine laughed, “Mackie trouble….. Mackie trouble”

Hearing his name, Nate’s head popped up, “Wait, why am I in trouble?”

“I believe that your words were ‘I will look after her’ and look how well that turned out,” she deadpanned. 

“Wasn’t the vomit punishment enough?” he asked weakly. 

“Nope,” Evie grinned as Catherine rested her head on her shoulder. 

“What’s my punishment then?” he asked. 

“Babysitting for one date night,” Evie answered.

Nate tickled Catherine’s tummy, “That’s not a punishment.”

“One OVERNIGHT date night,” Evie upped the ante. 

“Fine,” he answered in defeat.

“And Nathan……” she squinted her eyes, “If you give this child sugar again……”

“What?” Nate challenged her. 

“I am going to have Sidney hold you down while I shove Timbits down your throat,” she threatened. 

“You wouldn’t” he said as his eyes went wide.

“Try me,” she laughed.

[furiousgoldfish]

On effortless recovery (personal)

I've been slowly dealing with cptsd and osdd for the last 8 years, and while I've had to actively work on some stuff, other have just happened without my interference, or at least, without me knowing I did anything about it. I have not been to therapy; or rather, there's been several attempts that were not working, and I had to end them. For instance, I've had therapy with someone who showed next to no interest in my issues and kept minimizing and ignoring whatever I've been saying, and this was the only person who didn't try to institutionalize me.

I've had to actively work on osdd, and it's something I'm learning about, and understand more as I go, but I also get that osdd is making everything else much easier on me. For instance, lots of my memories and thoughts are being blocked from me, and contained in alters who are making sure that I'm not affected by it, that is a huge help. Lots of thoughts that would upset me if I thought about them, are completely out of my reach, and if I do try to think about them, my mind goes blank and I forgot what I was thinking about. That's a great help for issues like anxiety and spiraling; I used to drown in my own fears and worries; now I just can't remember any of it. It is slightly depressing that my own peace of mind requires that big amount of amnesia, but you know, having some peace is so nice I could never be anything less than grateful for it. Being able to maintain some semblance of peace feels like resiliency, it means I have a place of quiet where I can go back to, even when distressing things happen.

I'm having my chronic pain and chronic exhaustion ease away from me very slowly. I still get exhausted easily, and am tired way more often than a regular person, but I now rarely get days when I can't get out of bed, or have to sacrifice a whole week due to a flashback or a nightmare. I no longer get anxious about planning to do something a day or two ahead because I can count on having at least a basic amount of energy. I don't think I've done anything to create this, it was just happening over the years, on its own. It's also happening so slowly that I don't even feel the progress, I have to remember to look 3 or 5 years back and remember just how much time I've been spending in bed then, to realize that it's less now, that I can do multiple activities a day now. I know I'm extremely lucky to be recovering from this, because there are people who have a chronic condition that doesn't allow for recovery, and I am very grateful for every day I can move around.

Another thing that is much better is sleeping! I used to wake up feeling like I'm dying, overheated, stressed, anxious, sometimes even paralyzed in fear, and if not fear, then grief would hold me down and I would be too sad to move. Now I'm finding myself waking up thinking 'Oh I'm so well rested! I have the energy to tackle some chores' like I'm in an actual good mood. And it's like ??? what is going on, since when is this me. I've been dreaming of having mornings like this, and now I have them, and it just happened over time (8 years) I still only think about doing chores when I have energy, because I know it's the only time of day I'll have any energy, so if I wake up restful I will rush to do dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and whatever else, because I know the energy will go away later and I will become a sad slob. But it's much better than waking up and having to take a few hours (or days) just to recover from sleeping. My sleeping schedule has been 8 hours all along, I somehow can't sleep over the 8 hour mark, and can't function if I sleep less than 7.

I will still sometimes have flashbacks and meltdowns if anything bad happens to me, but the recovery time from them has gone way down. It used to be weeks, months even, to recover from a single bad event. Now it's more like hours and days. It's still not very similar to what I think a regular person would have to deal with, but I love the progress very much! One thing that slips my mind is that I regularly forget how much worse things used to be. If I bounce back from something, I forget that in the past, this would ruin me for weeks, and I forget that this is progress and to take a minute to acknowledge that. I just take what I can and go. But it's good to look at it and see that life is a little easier.

Some anxiety has also withered away from me, because so much of my anxiety was due to inexperience. New problems that would appear in my life seemed unsolvable and catastrophic, because I never faced those problems before, didn't know how to solve it, didn't dare to ask for help, didn't have skills or knowledge to tackle any of them myself, and all of it felt like it would lead to my doom. After already having solved some of those problems multiple times, I'm at peace just because I know what to do now. I haven't done much asking for help to be honest, because I hate it, but in struggling to solve the problems myself (sometimes taking months and years to do so), I've gathered knowledge, skills and experience, and I now have a general idea of what to do in situations that reoccur, and also know what to expect, how long something will take, what type of action will resolve it. Just living and tackling things by myself, and succeeding, eases a lot of anxiety. There is a solution to everything, with sufficient knowledge, experience and skills.

A lot of stuff that's previously been bothering me to the level where I couldn't deal with it, can now be dealt with merely distracting myself from it. Which I think is very funny, because I used to consider all my time playing games or looking at funny videos 'procrastination', because I wasn't being productive right, I was just 'procrastinating' and delaying dealing with life. Now I value these activities specifically because they can save me from feeling miserable and sad. There's a warmth to looking at people being goofy, funny, interesting, entertaining, and taking joy in it, and reminding myself there's still a lot of good things in the world, there are good people, there is warmth, there is love, and I feel better after seeing it, regardless of how awful I felt before. Having my own thoughts redirected to something hopeful is making my days better, more stable. I think I'm just stopping myself from spiraling into hopelessness, by looking directly at hope and staying fixated on it for long enough. And it's something I didn't previously value as a real activity, because I didn't believe that making myself feel better while producing nothing, was a worthwhile pursuit.

Being safe from abuse for a long time managed to erode the feelings of guilt and shame I had in my own interests, thoughts and activities, and I've became unafraid of any failures. It is now very clear to me that failing is the only way towards learning and it's incredibly valuable. I'm shameless at starting new hobbies and activities and it does not bother me whatsoever when I do badly. Even failing at big stuff in my life, things that created actual damage to me, supplied me with knowledge I don't think I would otherwise gain, and I treasure it. I don't feel ashamed or like I've done anything wrong. I've been able to engage with my own curiosity about things and I'm now able to ask questions about anything, without feeling bad for 'not knowing already'.

I've also accepted that I'm bad at some stuff, and it doesn't mean anything much about me, we're all bad at something. Sometimes I'm bad at stuff, but enjoy doing them, so I still do them, fun gives it good value! And if I'm both bad at something and don't enjoy it, then I completely drop it, and feel okay knowing this just isn't for me. I remember when I used to believe I'm bad at everything, just because I was getting such horrid feedback on it, now it's almost funny. I like stuff I create even when I do them badly, because I remember how much fun I had doing it. If I want to do them better, I know I just need to keep practicing and it will happen. Nothing a human creates is shameful, especially if it's not causing any harm to anyone. We're made to create and it makes us happy.

I don't think I've done anything specific to create these changes, maybe some critical analysis of the past, and some willingness to consider my own happiness important and worthwhile. I think I spent so much time grieving that I've actually processed the most of it, so I'm no longer as overwhelmed by it as I was before. It's not like I'm no longer sad, I will start sobbing frequently and whenever I'm tired, I am automatically miserable. But it is no longer constant, suffocating feeling that follows me for every second of existence.

I haven't done anything to fix the sleeping or to ease the chronic pain, that was just time and being safe from abuse for a longer period. I wanted to write this specifically because I've been waking up feeling okay the last few days and that was a shock to experience, what a bliss to wake up and think 'I'm well rested'. Incredible life experience.

[buckysdoll1520]

“No!” I yell cutting him of “you don’t get to fucking blow up on me when I come down here asking if you ok that’s not how this fucking works!” you yelled, the stress from the ordeal upstairs and now him blowing up on you like that had caused a split to start. “Y/n-”Jasper start to speak. “No fuck you!” You we’re beyond pissed, when you had a your mood could go from 0-1000 really quickly.

You turn away going to open the door that when back in to the house he tried to grab you’re arm to talk to you and turn around to yell back in response. “Don’t fucking touch me right now!” you continued through the door up the stairs going to the living room.

Once in the living room you see Esme holding Liam on her knee on the couch. “Are you alright?” Esme asked in her sweet mothery tone. “Um y-yeah I’m fine,um Esme do you think it would be alright if you watched him while I run to the dollar store really quick?” You asked rushed want to get out of the house to cool off and probably have a bit of a meltdown in the car. “Yes absolutely, take as long as you need dear” Esme said sweetly, because little know to you she and everyone else had heard your and Jaspers argument. “Ok thank you I’ll be back in a few minutes” you said as you walked down the steps to get the front door. You quickly put on your shoes and grabbing a jacket and Jasper car keys, you walked out.

Once you got in the car you turned it and plugged up your phone to the cars smart stereo. You selected your $uicideBoy$ playlist and turned up the volume until it drowned out your inner voice that kept telling you were a bad person, a bad girlfriend and a horrible mom and that you should just disappear and that jasper was probably gonna breakup with you and you would have to move out of the Cullens house and move back in with your dad and not have a car again. Soon the voice got to much and you pulled over to the side of the road and put on your flashers. You sat there for a good hour-hour and a half before stopping crying screaming/yelling and banging your hands against the steering wheel out of anger and frustration.

After completing calming down you looked at the time releasing how long you had actually been gone and started to wonder if anyone had texted,because you had put your phone on dnd. So you picked it up out of the cup holder and turned down your music a bit. When you looked at your phone you saw the Jasper had called you 15 times and text 25 text messages.

You sighed let out a whispered “fuck…FUCK!”, you put your phone back into its resting place, and begin to pull out, once you pulled out you cut off your flashers and headed to the dollar store. As you pull in to the parking lot,you to a couple deep breaths and flip your visor down to make sure you looked ok-ish. Once in the dollar store you couldn’t help but stroll into the baby section looking at all the cute onesies,toys, blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. You’re heart ached at the fact you only had 15$ in your wallet, even though Carlisle and Esme had both told you they didn’t care to pay for things for the baby, you were hesitant…only because you hated taking money and help from other people.

So you bought Liam new pack of pacifiers, a bib and a stuffed chicken. The bib was blue and had a giraffe on it, the pacifiers had stars and moons on them, and the chicken was well, a stuffed chicken. You payed for everything and headed to the car. Once you get settled in the car you headed back to the Cullens house. As you pulled in the driveway you saw Jasper was on his balcony with a sour look on his face.

When you walked the door you could hear Edward laughing at Rosalie, he always laughs at her when she baby talks with Liam. It wasn’t necessary but you announced your self “I’m home!” You yelled in a sing songy voice as you laid the keys in to the dish they rested in, and taking off your shoes and coat. Walking up the stairs you heard Liam squealing out in laughter, “hey bubby, mommy got you some stuff at the store” you said in baby voice with a smile on your face. “Has he ate yet, I left a bottle in the fridge?” You asked Esme. “Uh yeah Jasper feed him a few minutes ago” she said almost hesitated to mention his name. “Ok,um..where is Jasper?” You asked looking around not seeing him anywhere. “He’s up your guys room, he’s stayed up there for a while until Liam started crying when he got hungry.” Edward said coldly, as if I had taken too long or it was an inconvenience that Liam was here and he has gotten fussy.

“Ok, I’m gonna go talk to him about earlier. Rose do you have him?” I asked. “Yeah I’ve got him take as long as you guys need” she said with a smile.

Once you got up stairs you stared at your and jasper’s bedroom door for a good five minutes, there were a million thoughts run through you head, he’s gonna break up with you, he’s gonna yell…he could hit you like your ex used to…you felt sick, you felt bile rise in your throat, burning it. You swallowed heavily and finally knocked on the door, you heard a low “come in.” You walked in the door pressing your back against it to try and ground yourself. “Jas-” “Don’t..”he cut you off before you could even get his name out. He spoke in a rushed tone as if he was holding his voice back, he stood on the balcony looking at the sky. “Do you know how worried I was!? You were gone for over 2 hours, I thought something happened the only reason I didn’t go looking for you is because of Liam!” He finally spoke clearly but when he did it came out in a yell.

You felt tears brim you’re eyes you’re nose started to burn, and you’re throat went dry. When you went to speak the words wouldn’t form all that was a sob. It sounded as if the air was trapped in your lungs. “I-I know I’m sorry, just get it over with…please I want to go see Liam, an-and Edward is already pissed at me,cause the baby was fussy a-and I known I’m a bad girlfriend and a bad mom and I’ma-shitty p-person all around! I’m sorry just get it over with please.” You stuttered and rambled out as tears streamed down your face and as you finished your sentence you began to slide down the door and started to hyperventilate. “I know I’m a pain in the ass a-and I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I know you could do so much better, you could have someone that’s skinny and pretty like Bella o-or Alice!” When you continued on your rant Jasper’s mood changed quickly.

He rushed over to you as you sat with your back against the door banging you head against it trying to stop the yelling in your head, that little voice in your head that told you Liam deserved better, that he deserved a mother like Esme or Rosalie that was put together and had it all figured out. “Sugar look at me, please come on don’t do that you’re gonna hurt yourself.” Jasper spoke in a soft sweet tone, putting his hands behind your head to soften the blows you were giving yourself as you hit you head. “No! Why aren’t you screaming or hitting me? Get mad! Get mad at me Damnit!” you screamed through your tears. As you screamed the last part you hit his chest as hard as you could. “D-do something…tell ho-how I’m a bad mom o-or, how I’m never gonna be good enough for you, or you’re fucking perfect family!”

Sobs shook your body as jasper looked at you as if he didn’t hear you. “Look at me…please doll look at me.” He begged you as you sobbed hanging your head low, picking at the skin around your fingers. You finally shook your head, so you had left him no choice. He pulled you into his lap as he sat in the floor beside you. “Baby…I need you to look at me…please” he said softly with is thick Southern draw. Jasper sat there for what felt like an eternity, before he realized that you were shutting down. His worst nightmare was coming true he was losing you. He couldn’t lose you. He pressed pressed a firm kiss on your hair line, as he mumbled in to your hair line. “Doll please don’t shut me out. I can’t loose you y/n,I can’t” As he spoke softly you could hear his voice breaking at the end of his sentence.

Jasper sat with you straddling his thighs for almost two and a half hours. You head was against his chest, your breathing had finally calmed down. Jasper’s hands ran up and down your sides and back. You still refused to look at him. “Hey darling, you still with me?” Jasper questioned slowly stopping his hands. You shook your head in to his chest. “Alright, do you want to talk?” Jasper asked hesitantly. You shook your head,feeling tear prick your eyes once more.

Then Jaspers phone vibrated against the floor where it sat beside you both. He leaned to pick it up from its resting place. It was a message from Esme.

Esme :Liam is asleep if you want to come get him or I could bring him upstairs but if you and Y/n aren’t done talking then I keep him down here with me and Carlisle.

Jasper sat his phone back on “Do you want me to go get the baby and bring him up here or do you want to leave down there while we talk?” Jasper asked as he began running his hands down your sides again. “Can you bring him up here.” You said in a scratchy voice, from all the crying and yelling. “Ok,I’ll be right back darling,you want anything from downstairs?”

This is my teaser let me know what y’all think !

[sunflowersandsapphires]

Matt Murdock x Autistic!Reader x Frank Castle Headcanons!

I’ve been feeling incredibly AuDHD this week so here are some headcanons for how Matt and Frank would treat their autistic partner :) 

If anyone wants to see drabbles/one-shots with an autistic!reader based on my own experiences, let me know!!

I am certain that both Matt and Frank would be so loving and devoted to their autistic partner. It might take a bit of time to work out some things but they’d be so good to you. 

Something that I really struggle with is expressing romantic love while also having pretty intense sensory issues? I am not touch averse, and usually crave touch, but if I’ve spent too much energy on other things, touch is usually the first thing to overwhelm me. 

If you struggle with touch or being held, or you’re even just having a bad day, Matt and Frank would be so understanding because they, of all people, definitely understand what that’s like. 

While Frank probably has more experience with tactical planning, both a legal and a military background require incredible attention to detail which would come in handy with both setting routines and going over the plan for something. 

My inability to read social cues has led to intense social anxiety, especially where there’s crowds. One way that I prepare for going to events is by creating a detailed plan on my head of how I will get to and leave the event. 

Matt and Frank’s combined attention to detail would be so helpful for talking through what an activity would look like, who would be there, where it was taking place, when you’d need to leave by. 

Because Matt is incredibly social, and incredibly sweet, I think that he would be over the moon to help you bypass your social anxiety at functions. 

He would go out of his way to make you feel comfortable. Whether that means speaking for you if you can’t, or bringing up a topic that you’re interested in so you feel more at ease with a group. 

I think everyone is in agreement (myself included) that Matt would be perfect if you needed help because you were overstimulated. He has heightened senses and experiences that stuff himself, so it wouldn’t be too hard for him to take care of you in that situation. 

But I also think Frank would excel at that. He’s a man of few words and he wouldn’t overwhelm you with questions or suggestions. He would listen to what you needed or what Matt proposed and take action. For example, if you were having a bad sensory day and were on the verge of a meltdown so you couldn’t do the dishes you planned on doing, there’s no doubt Frank would have them done by the time you were ready to socialize again. 

This man would keep a strict inventory of comfy clothes and blankets and fidgets for you, making sure to keep everything relatively orderly so that you had what you needed if you weren’t in the mood to go looking. (Because let’s be honest, some days we are all a lost sock away from a mental breakdown.) 

Another issue that I face is being seen as too honest or blunt? I often overexplain why I am phrasing something the way that I am so it’s not seen as rude or ignorant. 

I think Matt and Frank would really appreciate someone being honest with them, especially Matt. Given that he can tell when people are lying, I think it would be a nice change of pace for him to have a partner who doesn’t really do the whole “white lie” thing. 

I also think expressing the reasoning behind why you’re asking something or saying something a certain way would bring him peace because he knows exactly how to interpret it. This man has self-esteem issues of his own, he doesn’t need open ended or slightly ominous questions to make him spiral. 

Also, I firmly believe that Frank would crack up at some of the stuff that comes out of an unfiltered mouth. I think he would adore how embarrassed you get trying to apologize for being rude because you said something without thinking. He would simply tell you there was no reason to apologize because whatever you said was hilarious. 

anyway, this is heavily based on my own experiences but I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know if you’d like to see more headcanons and feel free to request.

[seeingivy]

burnout 

megumi fushiguro x f!reader 

in which megumi takes care of you after a stressful day

read on ao3

- 

Megumi Fushiguro hates when you’re late. He knows you’re a perfectionist, but for some reason, you always let time slip behind you. While he can usually grant you grace, you’ve particularly crossed the line today. He’s been waiting at the Golden Lantern, your favorite Chinese food spot near campus, for the past hour and a half, spamming you with texts that were becoming borderline threatening. 

At the two hour mark, Megumi begrudgingly orders your favorite dishes as takeout and storms to your apartment, ready to give you a piece of his mind. He swipes the spare key you and Nobara keep under the light switch and storms in. 

“Hey, idiot. I waited two hours for you to show up and you didn’t even-” 

Megumi turns his head, silencing at the sight of you. You’re slumped against your desk, fast asleep face first in your Biochemistry textbook. He can see the tiredness on your face, your features scrunched up with deep bags under your eyes. 

He silences completely, eyeing the state of your room. You were a perfectionist in all aspects of life, which is why the huge pile of clothes at the side of your desk was basically nightmare material to him. 

He curses himself for not catching on sooner, slinging his arms around your waist to lift you up. He starts tiptoeing towards your bed, making sure to move slowly to prevent you from waking up. He moves onto the bed, leaning over to you to tuck you into the middle. 

“Fushiguro?” 

“Shh. Go back to sleep.” 

He sees your eyes flutter close and praises the gods you went back to sleep. You had a tendency to ignore everything he said when you were awake. As he moves to leave your bed, you grab onto him in your sleep, snuggling into the side of his arm. 

He freezes, unsure what to do. You’re sleeping on his arm. If he moves, you might wake up. But he can’t just sit here in your bed with you while you sleep right? Is that weird? 

While Megumi battles what move to make, you move even closer, gravitating towards the warmth he was radiating. Now he definitely can’t move. He looks down, seeing you fast asleep against him. As he adjusts himself against the headboard, he shoots a text to Nobara, trying to gauge how far gone you were. 

kugisaki. 

shut up, fushiguro. 

how has y/n been lately? 

did you see the pile in her room? i broke out into a cold sweat when i saw it

we were supposed to get dinner but she never showed. i just found her slumped over her desk, asleep head first in her biochem textbook 

oh yeah, she’s been staying up all night studying. she chugs celsius and protein bars all night

Megumi grips the phone out of frustration. 

the other day, she kinda had a whole meltdown. yuuji accidentally threw away her sake leftovers and she cried about it for like three hours. telling him how she was stressed about the exam, how she had been waiting to finish the chapter to eat the food. he said she nearly collapsed after she stopped crying.

i don’t know what i’m going to do with this girl. 

you and me both, fushiguro.

He knew that you needed everything to be perfect when it came to school, that you couldn’t and wouldn’t settle for anything but the best. Most days, he would praise you for your tenacity, admiring how set you were on completing your goals. But today, he’s angry. You’d go as far as avoiding eating to finish studying? How far were you going to go before you fizzle out? 

He places a hand in your hair, brushing the flyaways behind your ears. The thought scares him. That you might not be as loud, lively, or happy after everything you were putting on your plate. Your ambition, your drive, your love was what he admired about you. The thought that it could be what made him lose you scared him. You move in your sleep, burying your face deeper into his chest, the thought plaguing his mind.

 - 

You wake up after a few hours to find yourself tangled in Megumi’s arms. He has his arms wrapped around you, his chin resting against the top of yours. When did Megumi come over? Why is he sleeping in your bed with you? 

You feel him tense at the contact, stirring awake at your movement. His eyes flutter open, peering down into yours. You slide off him, sitting up to throw a hoodie over your t-shirt. You suddenly feel exposed, like Megumi had seen too much of you. 

He sits up, turning to face you. 

“Hi Megs. When did you come over?” 

“A few hours ago. I waited for you for two hours at the Golden Lantern and came over when you didn’t come. I found you asleep, face first in your Biochemistry textbook.” 

You wince, embarrassed that you forgot about dinner with Megumi and that he found you slumped over your textbook. He looks over, an angry look pasted on his face. 

“I’m really sorry for forgetting. I’ll make sure I’m on time to dinner next week.” you whisper. 

For a reason completely lost to you, this pisses him off even more. 

“You think I’m mad about the stupid dinner?” he asks, glaring at you. 

He jumps off your bed and stalks out of your room. You follow, watching him rummage through your kitchen cabinets. He pulls out two plates, piling food from the Golden Lantern onto the plate. He shoves the plate in front of you, glaring daggers while he does it. 

“Eat the food. Now.” 

“Okay, Megs. Why are you upset with me?.” you say, sliding the plate closer to you. 

“You have your head up your ass.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Six cans of Celcius and a protein bar?” 

“It was the closest thing I could find. I didn’t have time to prepare meals this week.” 

“Okay? So you could have asked me? Or ordered takeout? Nobara lives in the same damn room as you and Yuuji is down the hall.” 

“Okay, sorry Megs. It just seemed like too much trouble at the time.” 

He glares, pushing more rice and noodles onto your plate. The food is basically overflowing at this point and you narrow your eyes at the gesture. He glares back and your protests die in your throat. You know when to pick your battles. 

“How do you expect yourself to do good if you’re crumbling at the seams?” 

You look up, his green eyes boring into yours.

“I always manage just fine. It’s none of your business.” you grumble in response, the words dying in your throat. 

“Manage just fine? Your bloodstream is probably seventy percent caffeine, your sleeping schedule shit, and your hair is turning gray. Managing just fine are you?” 

You look down at your plate, the stack of food left untouched. The words sting, all of them true. You were far away from what you wanted to be, trying so hard to essentially no avail. You were bursting at the seams and everyone could see it. You were failing them. You feel the tears stinging in your eyes, falling onto the countertop. 

You cover your hands with your eyes, willing the crying to stop. You push down so hard you see stars, your eyelids burning under your hands. You try to even your breaths, try to calm down but you can’t. The cries die in your throat, pouring out of you with no end in sight. 

You feel Megumi behind you, his arms crushing you in a hug. His head rests on top of yours and you feel him sigh in his chest. The two of you stand that way for a while, you sobbing against his hold. 

He spins you around, his hands resting on your shoulders. 

“You scare me when you do this.” 

“Hm?” 

“You stop eating, stop sleeping. You don’t wave at strangers and don’t point at flowers when we walk to class. Yuji makes a stupid dad joke and you don’t even look up from your book. Nobara brings you back mochi and you don’t touch it because you’re so focused on your homework. You forget to say good morning to the barista and you forget to do your ‘lotion potion’ skincare routine at night. You don’t even smile at me.” 

You look down, pressing the top of your head against his chest. You’re ruining this. You’re failing him too. 

“Just, stop running away from me. Let me walk with you.” 

You look up, his green eyes boring into yours. You wrap your hands around his neck, crying into the side of his shoulder. You feel him rubbing small circles into your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. The two of you stand there for what feels like hours, his touch grounding you back home. 

-

You wrap your wet hair into a towel and dress yourself in fresh pajamas after taking a shower. Megumi had convinced you to take a break for the night - the two of you were going to watch movies and go to bed. Does that mean he would stay? 

As you open the door, you find Megumi folding clothes on your neatly made bed. The smell of laundry is overwhelming, the clothes and sheets fresh from the dryer. 

You nearly cry at the thought. He did your damn laundry while you were taking a shower. You don’t deserve him. You turn back to the mirror, staring at the lotions and serums on your counter. If Megumi missed your ‘lotion potion’ skin care routine - a term you coined which he claimed to hate - then you could at least do that. 

You start by taking the serums, massaging them all into the skin around your face and neck. The sensation is soothing, the serums cold against your puffy skin. As you continue your skincare routine, you’re unsure when Megumi has joined you in the bathroom, leaning against the doorframe to watch you. You look up, startled by the sight of him. 

“I’m doing my ‘lotion potion’ skincare routine. Are you happy now?” you ask, sarcasm dripping from your voice. 

He walks up, slinging his arm around your waist. You see a smile spread across his face, reaching his eyes. 

“Yes. That’s my girl.” 

You feel your cheeks heat at his words, your heart thumping in your chest. You continue with your routine, hands shaking at his presence, with Megumi leaning against the counter watching you. When you finish, he leads you to your bed, climbing under the covers with you before clicking the lights off. Your eyes wander to your textbook, sitting a few feet away from you. 

The thoughts flood your mind - you can’t remember what starts the Krebs Cycle. Oh my god, what starts the Krebs cycle? The thought drowns you in panic, the time you spent for the past few hours suddenly feeling like a waste. As you move to reach for the textbook, you feel Megumi’s arm crawl around your body, pulling you against him. 

“I just want to check one thing. It’ll be quick.” 

He moves closer to your face, pressing a soft kiss against the side of your cheek. You shock at the contact, Megumi not striking you as the affectionate type. You had onl hugged him twice before today and here he was sleeping in your bed, for the second time, pressing soft kisses to your cheeks. 

“No. The book will still be there tomorrow. Just go to sleep, please.”  

You hear the last sentence straining in his throat, his words from earlier ring in your ears. You give in, moving closer into his arms. You fall asleep, the sound of his heartbeat lulling you to sleep. 

You have a dream Megumi tells you he loves you but you’re unsure where the idea came from all together. When you tell Nobara the next day, she suggests that maybe he said it to you while you were sleeping. You smack her for saying something so stupid, but the thought never leaves your mind. It did sound rather loud, so clear it had to be real. 

He doesn’t deny that fact when you ask him. 

[aghoststorycomic]

A GHOST STORY HAS (NOT) UPDATED!! THE AUTHOR IS DEAD....TIRED.

TODAY’S UPDATE: HERE START THIS CHAPTER: HERE START FROM THE TOP: HERE

first, because of how flighty i've been with updates, i would like to encourage you to use an RSS feed reader and add the "a ghost story" RSS feed to it by clicking "find feeds in page" or "add new feed" and entering www.aghoststorycomic.com/. or dragging and dropping it if you use a different RSS feed reader. rss feeds are how the ancients used to navigate the web and through it they knew when things updated immediately. using an RSS feed has 2 major benefits: 1. you can get updates without having to use any social media or following my social media. 2. you can keep up with the comic when updates get sporadic without having to hopefully remember to check it some day in the future.

second, i do not like to advertise the patreon when i am behind on rewards and have been unable to deliver anything of interest beyond comic pages for a while, but consider throwing a buck a month at me to see pages a month early. that's something.

i realize that webcomics really need reliability to survive, so i'm genuinely so annoyed and so unhappy that i'm in this situation. i toughed it out as long as i could, but this final leg has been the fucking pits. it sucks. effexor is a notorious nightmare of an antidepressant to get off of and boy were they not kidding. i'm down to a quarter pill doses, but my body is rampaging because i'm not dosing it with the norepinephrine treat its become accustomed to. its never so much that i'm like, in acute physical or mental distress, its just bad enough that it makes working consistently hard. i had a buffer up until this last month when it was completely used up because i was too busy thinking about how bad my entire face hurt. or how my eyes felt like they were vibrating out of my skull.

i started effexor two years ago and was on a pretty high dose. i got the most bizarre and unpleasant side effects on this drug and the reason i didn't do anything about it was because the drug's primary effect was to instill me with a sense of overwhelming apathy. this is a great effect (intentional? i'm not sure) to have when the symptom you were trying to treat was "unbearable anxiety". not joking, it worked incredibly well for at least getting me mentally back to a baseline level of sane. after that, though, with nothing irrational to be apathetic about, my brain decided that household chores, basic hygiene, and my job were pointless and stupid or unpleasant. food tasted bad. not bland, bad. showers felt annoying instead of relaxing. i would look at the dishes piling up in the sink, the barest minimum i should be doing around the house on a daily basis to maintain a comfortable living space and would think "well that is just impossible".

but i was also putting up with a lot of stupid shit from my body. it made my right hand fingers and lower back feel distractingly stiff. my lip was split for a year straight and would re-open every time i opened my mouth. my nose and gums had open sores. i got a rash on my face that lead me down a rabbit hole for months trying to figure out if i do or don't have lupus (i dont)(neat). i would get insomnia so bad i would be up for 36 hours regularly, but i was too tired to get anything done. and with the withdrawals i would get all of those and as an added bonus i got to enjoy body aches that felt like bruises all over my body. they hurt so bad that laying on the couch was uncomfortable as a consequence of newton's third law. and i'd have weird meltdowns about the cats hating me (?). i am only boring you with all of this whining to try to explain the amount of distractions i was fending off while still trying to be a productive member of a household, experiencing common adulthood problems galore (basement....), and trying to create comics for you and for me. i am telling you this because it sucked, and sucks, so bad.

on top of everything else, the impact the effexor has had on my creativity has been eye-opening. i realized there was a correlation between my dosages increasing and my ability to draw nosediving. the "impossible" feeling of the dishes carried over to my comic work which got lazier and worse and i knew it and it was frustrating. there is a special kind of shame and guilt you develop when you charge someone for something you know is not your best work, just the best you could do in the moment. or when you are just sitting in front of your computer staring at it blankly and thinking about how much you'd like to draw if only it wasn't the hardest thing in the world. you feel like a lazy sack of shit, knowing that there is nothing physically preventing you from working. your brain simply cannot make

i started the weaning process in i think november so am pretty much on track for this to actually be over soon. there's light at the end of the tunnel. its happening. and there are bright moments in between doses where i can actually do things. like right now! i drew this very easily instead of being in hell for hours. but these precious moments are short lived until the withdrawal symptoms start up and i have to take another pill that nerfs me.

anyway APRIL 6th! dont forget me or ill cry.

[oldcoyote]

my name is ruin. i chose that name a few years ago, to replace another online moniker i've used for a long time (gigi). unlike every other name i've chosen as an online alias, Ruin feels like me. i use it in real life now too - my family calls me that, because i asked them to. it's who i am

confronted yesterday with the very powerful reality that my belief in my own worthlessness and my raging self-hatred is actively harming my friends, i naturally had a complete meltdown and wound up at the very bottom of the gaping pit of my mental illness

in one analogy to a friend who i was having a disagreement with yesterday, i likened the situation to being stuck in a muddy hole and everybody keeps throwing proverbial ropes in and insisting that should be enough to help me out - but none of the ropes help, because i keep slipping on the walls trying to get leverage or purchase. the ropes being "i love you" and "i'm here for you", the walls, in this case, being the aforementioned belief and self hate

my belief in how worthless i am is a core belief, and vital to my entire belief system - the one on which my entire personality is based. it was established very young through trauma, and it has kept me safe for a long time - but it no longer serves me well. and now, what's worse, it's hurting my friends

so i spent much of last night in a state of absolute devastation, holding the broken pieces of my core beliefs and my personality and trying to figure out how to fit them back together in a way that makes sense. it is a deeply ugly, and painful, and miserable process, and i don't want to be doing this. i want to go back to what was comfortable and easy. i want to go home.

but i am also extremely aware that while going back will be safe and warm and comfortable for me, it will keep hurting my friends

so now i have to put this together somehow in some kind of shape that makes sense, and serves me better. but it will always be obviously once-broken - in much the same way you can't magically heal a dish of porcelain back together without knowing the break was there. if this was an art project, i would throw it away and start over (a concept that had me on the verge of something terrible last night) because it's ruined

but maybe that's why i chose my name. maybe that's why it feels like me. maybe all paths always led here. and i hate it, and it hurts, and i want it to be over. but it's just beginning, and i am so so aware of that and i hate it even more

but maybe it will get better. and i have to hang on to that hope

[thotsforvillainrights]

I know you don’t like writing for muscular but I am a really muscular fan and nobody writes anything for him, I’m tired of reading the same stories

If you don’t mind asking, can I get Muscular with a S/O that think he’s cheating or he thinks think the S/O is cheating?

(I may not like him, but I live to serve the small community of Muscular simps. So I'm grateful for the ask!)

~Muscular accuses S/O of Cheating~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up|drabble

-He may be pretty rough but you never really had to worry about that as much as the others would assume you did. He's always had a thing for teasing you when you two got together. It's only later down the line that he starts to realize he doesn't know his own strength. You pretty much taught him little by little to be more careful with not just you but with other people, other beings and things around him. Since then you've noticed a change in him from the way he playfully punches your arm to the way he closes the car door. He hasn't exactly given up on his tough or violent nature but he's certainly more aware of himself when it comes to you.

-Another thing is his anger. He's not very quick to anger but rather annoy I would think. He can't really dish out what he gives so all day he might get on your nerves but when you do it too much, he finds himself groaning in annoyance and trying to distance himself for a bit so he doesn't fuss at you. He's still him through and through but again, as previously mentioned, he's more aware of himself.

-The biggest issue in the relationship would be how jealous he can get with the people around you. He knows it's foolish but in the back of his mind, he thinks everyone is out to get you and he hates the idea of that. How dare the worker at the drive-thru put extra sauce in your bag. How fucking dare the mailman lingers for a few minutes over just to chat it up with you. Who does he think he is??? The coworker that texts you outside of office hours about non work related things. Muscular doesn't even real like any of the other league members spending too much time around you when he thinks about it...especially not Dabi.

-You're kind and patient with him when you see fit. You reassure him he has nothing to worry about. You love him and (depending on the reader) you'll show him in many different ways~ Still, he always finds himself struggling with his damn jealously. it all seems to boil over when you are caught in the back room with Shigaraki chatting quietly about something. Secrets? Holding secrets from him with his own leader nonetheless??? Oh he's pissed so you know you'll hear about this when you get home. For a while he's been suspecting something on the foul involving you and Shigaraki. The two of you have been chatting it up more lately and he didn't like it one bit. It's not like you ever shared anything in common with each other to begin with! This all seemed to come out of nowhere. He didn't even waste time to bring up the shared texts. He knows it's been you chatting it up with him late at night.

-He's failed to see what you were doing. Completely failed to see you'd begged Tomura for help to surprise him for your anniversary. Tomura didn't want to get involved in anything romantic like that, but agreed finally to help you. You were trying to cook up a plan to have Shigaraki distract Muscular long enough for you to set up decorations and wrap his gifts. Muscular had gotten the wrong idea completely.

-He always controlled his anger around you as best he could and even now when he was having a meltdown he still managed to grip at his fists tightly and not let them fly into the wall like he wanted to. just because he made sure not to physically scare you doesn't mean he didn't have any effect on you verbally. When he noticed your tears was when he finally came back to reality. Had he...had he said something so horrible that he didn't even realize it?

-Yes...he did.

-Guilt wasn't something he felt had any control over him but surprisingly he learned it did. This was especially true when he felt his chest swell with guilt as you sobbed/explained the situation to him. He yelled at you. He said terrible things to you and scared you when all you were trying to do was something nice for him. You even showed him the texts between you and Shigaraki as proof of your plans/actions. That guilt was eating him alive right on the spot and he STILL couldn't find the words to apologize. He hated sleeping on the couch that night. He hated even worse hearing your silently sob yourself to sleep in the next room. He would've forced his way into the locked room had he not decided to let you recover to yourself. He deserved to feel like shit. The next morning he was up bright and early (very rare for him). The first thing he did was show his humility and apologized (also very rare for him). The next thing he did was spent the next few days trying to patch things up just in time for your anniversary.

-It's odd just how crazy love can make even the most hard formed men. He swore he'd try to get that jealousy in line because the idea of losing you hurt him more than anything else he could ever think of.

[spook-spectre-ghost]

Neurodivergent Egon Things —

His social anxiety is surprisingly severe. It’s imperceptible to others but ends up making him seem grumpy or standoffish.

The way he shows emotion is different from most people. Everyone around the firehouse is able to pick up on the Egon-equivalent of most emotional displays.

On a similar note, Egon stims to express emotion or let off steam a lot, but his stims are very subtle. His common stims include drumming his fingers, humming a series of notes, or rocking back and forth. He also likes to chew things when he’s stressed, but if no chewable object is available, he turns to biting his nails which isn’t ideal.

A lot of his sensory issues are related to tactile things. He cuts the tag out of every piece of clothing he owns because he can’t stand the itchiness. Doing dishes is impossible without rubber gloves because he doesn’t like the slimy sensation of touching bit of wet food in the sink. If he’s sans gloves on a job, he tends to make Venkman or Winston obtain samples of ectoplasm because he can’t stand the feeling of it. Somehow being entirely covered in ectoplasm was easier; the slimy feeling was all over instead of maddeningly isolated to his hands.

He has trouble with eye contact and tends to accidentally display too much or too little. Either way, with his height, deep voice, and imposing presence, he ends up coming off as intimidating.

Once someone gets him info dumping, there’s no stopping him. It’s one of the easiest ways for his friends to show him that they care and it’s also an excellent way to get acquainted with his subtle happy stims.

He’s a surprisingly picky eater and can’t stand slimy or grainy textures in food. Much of his diet consists of same foods that he’s deemed safe. He tends to gravitate towards sweets, crackers, and canned foods such as Spaghetti-Os or tuna. Although it’s hard to get him to sit down and eat a meal, Egon will readily eat most snacks that are put in front of him. This leads to the others occasionally preparing easy, healthy-ish snacks for him like apple slices with a bit of peanut butter, hard boiled eggs, cucumber slices, almonds, carrot sticks, granola bars, or tuna and crackers. He also likes to multitask while eating.

Thankfully he doesn’t have meltdowns often, but when he does, the best course of action is to let him be until he calms himself. He’ll stim it out in private, allow himself to breathe through the overwhelm, and use music as a grounding tool.

It distresses him when the others mess with his belongings without his permission and he’s been known to snap at people for doing so.

He’s not a huge fan of touch, but he’s also very touch starved. Luckily, Ray is always happy to help. When he feels especially touch starved or emotionally deprived, he requests, “Raymond. Affection.” This is their accepted way for Egon to request an extra tight hug. When he’s had enough, he taps Ray’s shoulder to politely signal “okay, let go of me”.

[pluttskutt]

Okay, so, here’s the thing. Eddie knows trans people. Wait, that sounds bigoted. He has friends who are trans. Queer. Not queer because they are trans but because they identify as trans and queer. Off-topic, doesn’t matter, okay. The point is that Eddie is rollin’ with the LGBT. Not just rollin’ but identifies as gay. A homosexual. Throughout his life he’s had many identifiers—some granted to him by others such as freak—and he’s proud to be who is, which also happens to be gay so he’s proud and out. Always has been. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s always successful in his pursuits of finding true love or whatever the kids are calling it but he’s out there and he’s doing it.

Except for those rare times he falls so hard for someone it makes him a blabbering idiot and he loses every ounce of self-respect in futile attempts at making them see him because honestly, he’s pretty invisible to the guys he falls for. It sucks, but he can’t change his type and during those times he���s not doing much of anything except pining like a lovestruck puppy.

So, Eddie knows guys. The T and the B and the P and the Q and even the A. You’d think he’s golden then, right? He’s been with guys and others so he knows his way around the letter mafia. Maybe he would be golden if it just wasn’t for that pesky little detail of acting like a fool at any given moment. Like being caught staring at Steve’s chest when he’s wearing a hoodie because he’s not binding and Eddie can’t decide if it’s curiosity or horniness that makes him stare.

(This is a lie. He knows he wants to grab Steve by the counter and do things friends shouldn’t be thinking about doing to each other. Or have Steve do it to him. He’s flexible.)

Robin elbows him in the side whenever he stares, sending him a stare so cold it sends chills down his spine. “Stop being so weird around him or I’m banning you from our game nights. Man, seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

A lot, he wants to reply, but also nothing. So he stays silent, and he thanks Steve for his hospitality and food, and he wrecks them both in Mario Kart because they suck, which is astonishing because they’ve been having game nights since before he got invited.

It’s over too quickly. The match, snacks, the drinks, the night, and he has to leave with Robin because she can’t drive and they won’t let her walk home alone when it’s dark out. He helps clean up while she vanishes into the bathroom and hopes that maybe this is the night he has the guts to ask Steve if they can meet just the two of them and hang out (go on a date) but it never is and he beats himself up over it and tells himself that next time, for sure, but he doesn’t ask and doubts he ever will.

What Eddie knows, he knows well.

But Eddie hasn’t ever asked out an autistic guy before and he’s honestly afraid to do so. Sensory issues are a big part of what’s difficult for autistic people, he knows that much, and he also knows he’s a lot. He’s been told as much by guys he’s dated in the past and most of the time, his a lot is what made them end it. Talking, drama, clinginess, just too much.

“Thanks for the help,” Steve says, not looking at him but at the dishes he’s washing in the sink.

He’s so quiet it’s driving Eddie insane, which is why he can’t ask him out because he’d talk his ear off and cause him to have a meltdown because of sensory overload. Yes, Eddie read up about those. “I heard Robin won’t be here next weekend,” he says, a futile attempt at conversing. As soon as the game vanishes so does their topic of conversation.

“Mmh,” Steve grunts.

Eddie wants to scream. He’s begging the hamster doing all the legwork in his brain on that spinning wheel to think of anything to talk about but he comes up empty.

“She’s visiting her parents and I think she said she’ll be gone a week,” Steve says, just as the silence had taken over the room. He wipes his hand on the kitchen towel, lips narrowed and a scowl on his face like he’s thinking about something bothersome.

“Mhm.” Eddie pushes his hair away from his face and sticks it behind an ear, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks at Steve, watching him as he puts away the garbage from their night. “I’ll take-“

“Do you want-“

They both stop talking, watching the other. Steve smiles and brushes a hand through his hair, which he really shouldn’t have since he just tied a knot on the garbage bag. “You go first,” he says when it’s obvious neither of them dares to go first in case they cut the other off again.

Eddie takes a step closer and grabs the bag. “I’ll take that.” He walks over to the front door because the water is running in the bathroom and Robin’s one second away from joining them and wanting to leave before she falls asleep on the sofa. It’s happened once or twice. He’s pretty sure game nights turned into sleepovers regularly before he joined them.

He looks at Steve and catches his eyes before he averts them. They’re pretty to look at, but Eddie doesn’t get the chance to look into them a lot. Eye contact is difficult for Steve and he doesn’t want to push it. “You up for grabbing lunch then? I know it’s not game night but it can still be fun.”

“Yes,” Steve answers, voice certain and tone steady. He’s nodding with a smile, and Eddie wants to believe he wanted him to ask.

[fanficshiddles]

The Call Of Fate, Chapter 2

Jade went to join the Avengers for dinner, once she had calmed down after having another little meltdown at everything that had happened.

When she walked into the room to join them, she laughed internally when she looked at Loki, just knowing how old he was. She couldn’t really believe it.

She ended up sitting next to Natasha and Steve at the table, Loki was directly opposite her and gave her a wink when she sat down. She just raised an eyebrow at him in return.

‘Is everything ok with your room?’ Tony asked as Bruce dished up dinner.

‘Yeah, it’s really nice. Thanks.’ Jade smiled at him.

Dinner was Bruce’s home-made macaroni. Everyone started tucking in straight away. Jade was a few mouthfuls in when Vision suddenly asked a question.

‘Do you have any allergies we should know about?’

Jade continued eating while she answered. ‘Yeah, I’m lactose intolerant.’

Everyone froze and stared at her. And it was Loki’s turn to raise an eyebrow at her.

‘Stop eating that then!’ Steve cried out.

‘Ah it’s fine. Just open the windows later.’ Jade said as she took another forkful, making Loki snigger under his breath.

Jade looked around the table, noting them all staring at her still. ‘I’m just kidding… No allergies! Do you really think I wouldn’t know about all the dairy that goes into macaroni if I was lactose intolerant anyway? I’m not stupid.’

Thor laughed and so did Tony. Bruce just shook his head.

‘We don’t need another annoying prankster, please don’t be another Loki.’ Clint groaned.

‘God we definitely do not need another Loki.’ Wanda groaned.

‘I do not see what the problem would be with having another me.’ Loki said as he glared at Wanda.

She glared back at him. ‘I am not even going to give that a response.’

Wanda’s macaroni suddenly turned into heaps of little worms that started wriggling around in her bowl, trying to get out.

‘LOKI!’ She screamed at him as she sat back in shock.

He flicked his hand and they disappeared, her macaroni returning. She pushed the bowl away from her. ‘I can’t even look at that now.’ She got up and stormed off into the kitchen to get something else.

‘Loki, that was mean.’ Thor scolded his brother.

‘Would you rather I did it to yours?’ Loki offered.

‘It would take more than measly worms to put me off Bruce’s delicious macaroni.’ Thor laughed.

‘Is it always like this here?’ Jade asked Natasha quietly while the rest continued some bickering.

Jade had thought that the heroes would all be quite snobby, keep to themselves. But it seemed she was wrong.

‘Yep, ‘fraid so.’ Natasha nodded.

Jade looked around the table with the biggest smile. ‘Love it.’

Perhaps her time here wouldn’t be so bad after all.

-

The first night at the Avengers base, Jade didn’t sleep well. Everything was racing through her mind, about her parents and that she was royalty. That she was being forced to marry a man she had never even met before. What if he was an ugly ogre? Heck, she could deal with ugly as long as he was nice. But she had no idea what he was like.

When morning finally came, she showered and went for a walk around the base, keeping within the borders so she wouldn’t have to get followed again. Not that she had minded Loki fetching her, she quite liked him, probably the most out of them all so far.

In the distance, Clint was in the training field with Tony, Steve and Natasha. She went over and watched them for a little while, she couldn’t deny they were impressive with what they could do. And the world was safer thanks to them.

‘Not making another run for it, are we?’ Came a familiar voice from behind her.

She turned around and smiled up at Loki. ‘No, not today. I might schedule you in for tomorrow at noon though.’

Loki chuckled lightly and stepped next to her. ‘How are you settling in?’

‘Weirdly, pretty well. Didn’t sleep great, but apart from that.’ Jade shrugged.

‘Thought you’d like to know, Natasha has been in touch with a lawyer and she’s going to come visit in a couple of weeks to go over everything, see if there’s anything that can be done to get you back home.’

‘Bloody hell, that was quick. It would be great if something can be done to stop the wedding.’ Jade felt some relief at the thought of not having to go through with it, maybe in a few months she’d be back home where she belonged.

‘That’s one thing that can’t be faulted about Natasha, she doesn’t hang about when something important needs to be done.’ Loki said.

Jade and Loki watched the others train for a bit, then they headed inside.

‘Hey, is there anywhere I can play my bass and sing without disturbing people?’ Jade asked Loki.

‘Why would you care about disturbing people, isn’t that the best part about playing a loud instrument?’ Loki grinned.

‘Well, in a way. But I don’t want to get on the wrong side of anyone. Not yet, anyway.’

‘Are you any good?’

Jade looked offended and dramatically put her hand over her heart. ‘Am I good? Can’t believe you’re asking me that. Our band is starting to rise pretty rapidly, we even have a headlining slot at a local music festival that’s ten thousand capacity this summer…’ Jade said proudly but then her face dropped and her stomach sank. ‘Shit. Well, we did. Or I guess, they do. They can probably manage without me anyway. I just do backing vocals and bass, they’ll easily find someone to fill my place, I guess.’ She said sadly.

‘I’m sure you will be there for the festival. Summer is months away, plenty of time to get this mess all sorted out.’ Loki said softly, seeing how hurt she was. ‘There is the indoor training hall, it’s pretty soundproof. Considering what we use it for. You can practice in there.’  

‘That sounds perfect.’

Jade was delighted to have somewhere to play, it was her escape, a way to let all of her emotions out. She had been playing for a good while, really getting into some songs and singing along too. She never noticed Loki in the corner, watching and listening to her intently. He was surprised how good she was, she certainly hadn’t been lying about it.

He didn’t want to intrude on her practice, so he just vanished instead of making himself known to her.

-

Though over the following week, Loki kept an eye out and whenever he saw Jade heading to the training hall with her bass, he would sneak inside to watch her practice. But he still never said anything to her, just kept it a secret.

Jade had settled in pretty well to the Avengers base. She liked them all, they made her welcome. She did have a soft spot for Loki, she liked his mischievousness and how he annoyed the others. She often gave him a bit of cheek but got the same right back.

One morning, Jade had joined the heroes for breakfast but was pretty quiet and barely touched her food. When she disappeared rather swiftly, some of the team was concerned.

‘Jade seems rather quiet this morning.’ Clint commented.

‘She’s going to meet the prince for the first time, the one she has to marry.’ Natasha said.

‘Oh.’ Was all Clint said in response.

‘I really feel for her, being forced into a marriage. I hope he’s a decent enough guy at least.’ Steve said.

‘I’m sure we will find out soon enough.’ Loki muttered. He felt really bad for her too.

-

Later in the day, Jade returned from her first meeting with the prince, Arthur. She had been flown out in one of SHIELD’s jets to meet him.

Jade didn’t speak to anyone as she rushed straight to her room, Loki didn’t even get a chance to say hi as she flew past him in a blur.

It wasn’t long before he saw her heading to the training hall with her bass. So he went to watch her again. This time, he felt his heart sinking for her. She had tears streaming down her face as she played and sang her heart out, letting everything out.

At dinner time, she didn’t appear. So Loki went to her room to check on her.

It took her a few minutes before she answered.

‘Oh, hi Loki.’ She didn’t even fake a smile.

‘It didn’t go well then?’ Loki asked softly.

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ She said stiffly.

Loki nodded in understanding. ‘Are you coming for dinner? Stark has gone fancy and bought us all some expensive steaks. They’re really good.’

‘I’m not really hungry. You can have mine.’ Jade said, giving him a very forced small smile.

‘Natasha has said that the lawyer is coming next Tuesday to meet with you… There might be some hope yet. We will think of something.’ Loki said as he reached out and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

He saw a slight glimmer of hope in her eyes.

‘I guess I could go some steak.’ Jade shrugged.

Loki smiled. ‘Come on then, before Thor eats ours.’

Jade went with Loki to join the others.

‘Hey, how did’ Steve was cut off as Loki glared at him and shook his head. So the team all quickly got the memo and didn’t mention the prince.

Jade relaxed again pretty quickly as she chatted with the team and laughed at their typical antics. She was able to forget… For a little while.

[soaringeag1e]

Escape {54}

Detective!Dean x Victim!Reader

Warnings: Language, Fear, Nightmare, Deceased Child

Words: 3,692

Escape Masterlist - Masterlist - Patreon

"Are you going to be okay?" As Sam rinses his mug, he looks over at you, concerned. You pour a little more coffee in your cup, topping it off for now and warming up what has cooled down.

"Yeah." You sigh, resting your hip against the counter while you watch Sam stick his mug in the dishwasher. "I'm sorry I had a meltdown. I really don't know where that came from." Sam sends a comforting smile your way as he shoves the dishwasher door closed with the back of his hand. "I feel like I ruined our day."

"You didn't." He tells you as he places his hands on your arms, giving you a comforting squeeze. "And you should know that you never have to apologize for talking to me." Seemingly embarrassed, you drop your gaze from his.

"The thing is, when you moved back in with Sarah and me, I wanted to give you your space. I didn't want to force you to talk about anything that happened because I didn't think that you would want to. And when you started talking with other women that had been through similar stuff...I figured that that was your outlet. And a good one because they understood." When your glossy eyes look up at him, he smiles down at you. "I shouldn't have been scared to ask you if you wanted to talk about it."

"But, I've been okay."

"You have." He shrugs his right shoulder, his comforting eyes not leaving yours. "But I think you've been so focused on helping those other women through their traumas that you've forgotten to work through your own." The truth of his statement stung, but deep down you knew it was true. That’s why you were struggling with holding back tears again.

"When did you become a therapist?" You both share a silent chuckle, Sam's thumb coming up to your cheek and wiping away a tear that escapes.

"You just need to remember that I'm here if you need to talk, okay?" You nod as you move into him, his arms coming around you, embracing you. “Dean too. You have a family surrounding you. Don’t forget that.”

-

After doing the dishes and wiping down the counters, you grabbed the vacuum and ran it through the main hall and living room. Not that it was in dire need of it, but you started cleaning so you kind of just kept going.

Every once in a while you’d take a glance at your phone, seeing if Dean was finishing up with work. He told you he shouldn’t be too long, but he also wasn’t sure what Bobby needed from him when he left the house. He was in the process of getting someone on the phone on his way out the door, so to this moment, you were still in the dark about what he was called away for.

After the long process of wrapping up the vacuum cord, you rolled it back into the hall closet. Your mind was set on folding the blanket that was tossed on the couch after your comfort session with Sam and then you were going to head upstairs to take a shower, get all the dust and sweat cleaned off. 

However, as you draped the blanket over the back of the couch, there were a few knocks that came from the front door. With the new technology in place, after looking down the hall, you pulled your phone from your back pocket and opened up the app. But as you look at your screen, your brow furrows a bit as you’re only met with an empty porch. There’s no packages left and a lack of cars sitting on the street. The thought of having a loose animal crosses your mind, despite the fact that you heard a knock, but you just shrug it off and slip your phone back in your pocket.

As you make your way towards the stairs, the coffee pot then enters your mind along with the smidge of doubt on whether you turned it off or not after Sam left. Your feet stutter a bit, both them and your mind going back and forth on whether you should check or just ignore it until you’re out of the shower. But the thought of an empty coffee pot sitting on a burner won your vote, making you groan softly as you made your way in the opposite direction of the stairs.

You eyed the machine as you entered the kitchen, trying to find the light before making the full amount of steps and of course when you got close enough, the machine was dark. Either you or Sam definitely turned it off but with the emotions the day brought, you just couldn’t remember.

With that out of your mind now, you finally head for the stairs, a little excited to take a nice warm shower. With your hand on the railing, you’re just about to jog up the steps when more knocks connect with your front door, louder this time. Your body flinches at the sound and your hand tightens around the railing to stop you from falling, your eyes locked on the wood in the distance.

You force yourself to take a few breaths before reaching for your phone again, but this time you’re even more confused. With the first set of knocks before, you had a notification on your phone that there was movement on your porch, but with this one….you didn’t. There was no way that was an animal though, and you definitely weren’t imagining it.

Opening the app, you look anyway, but again, you’re only met with an empty deck. A clear sidewalk leading out to the street and no random cars sitting there. You couldn’t understand it.

You study the locks real quick, making sure they look secure before you slowly make your way upstairs. You try to think of anything but the knocking, trying to keep your mind from messing with you and creating monsters that aren’t really there. It's going to be difficult, there's no doubt about that, but you’re hoping the shower can help you relax.

-

As the garage door comes to a close behind him, Dean enters the house and pulls the door shut, closing his baby in its bed for the rest of the day. It's quiet inside, but your car was sitting next to his, so unless you were out for a walk or someone had picked you up, he knew you should be home.

After kicking off his boots and unloading his keys and wallet, Dean heads for the living room wondering if maybe you fell asleep while watching TV, but as he passes by the stairs he can faintly hear the water running on the second floor. 

As he ascends to the second floor he undoes his tie, slipping it from his neck as he steps into the bedroom. He glances towards the bathroom as he removes his jacket and that’s when he hears the water cut off.

"Hey, honey! I'm back!" Draping his coat nicely over the bed, he starts to unbutton his white dress shirt when he hears you call out from the bathroom.

"Welcome home!" The greeting is one that he’s not used to hearing anymore. Something he hasn’t heard in years except from his own mother. But coming from you definitely made it feel true. He was home.

With a soft smile on his face he slowly turned the knob and entered the bathroom, careful as to not hit you with the door. Thankfully you were nowhere near it as you were still drying yourself in the tub. You were just finishing off your legs when you went to tie the towel around yourself, your gorgeous eyes looking up to greet him.

“How was your morning?” he reaches out for you, helping you from the tub and onto the bathmat. He steals a quick kiss and notices your hesitation to his question, so he keeps close and gives you that hard to avoid stare.

“It was alright.” He can tell that your smile is forced, but before he could push more on the subject, you asked him the same question while grabbing a second towel to dry your hair.

“Honestly...same.” his smile is less forced than yours, but there was no way for him to pretend he was okay after what he saw earlier. “What’s wrong, though? Something’s bothering you.” You continued to dry your hair, using it as an avoidance tactic really, but you knew you needed to tell him for your own sanity.

“When you get the chance, can you check the ring?” There’s almost a flash of fear that runs through him before he looks down at your left hand. You quickly catch on to his thought process and immediately kick yourself for not being more specific. “No, the Ring. The front door camera.”

“Oh!” A quick wave of relief settled within him, but for how uneasy you seemed, a new type of fear put him on alert. “Yeah, of course. Why? What happened?”

“Someone knocked earlier. Twice, actually. The first time I had a notification on my phone, but I didn’t get one with the second.”

“Who was it?”

“Well, that’s the thing...there was no one there.”

“Both times?” You nod, the uneasiness he saw earlier growing a bit more as you explain your encounter. “You sure it wasn’t just some kids or something? Maybe they were playing ding dong ditch?”

“No. I would have seen them. Especially the first time.” He would have questioned it further, but you seemed pretty serious about what you heard, and he trusted you with it.

“Okay. Alright, I’ll check it out.”

“Thank you.” He smooths out some of your wet hair before gently cupping the side of your face and pulling you closer so he could place a kiss on your forehead.

"I'll meet you downstairs."

-

It was a little early for dinner but it was definitely too late for lunch and considering you and Sam only had a pastry this morning when you walked to get coffee and Dean had a slice of toast before rushing out the door, the two of you were in need of a meal.

Your phone laid on the counter next to the stove, the screen lit up showing you live footage of the front porch where Dean was messing with the new age doorbell.

Of course the second he walked out there, your phone had lit up, once again telling you there was movement on the porch. He had even walked around the side of the house at one point and as he stepped back into view of the machines eye, your phone had lit up again, telling you that it detected him out in the yard. 

A frustration began to settle inside you. It made no sense that the damn thing was having zero trouble spotting Dean and yet messed up while you were all by yourself. You always had a hatred for technology and this just added a tally in your box that it was worthless.

Dean was coming up with nothing. You could see it in the way he was staring at the machine and honestly, you didn’t blame him, but it irritated you that there was no explanation to what you heard. On top of that, because there was no way to explain what had happened, you were coming off as nuts. For all Dean knew you had imagined it.

As he stood and walked away from the device and you heard the front door open, you reached over and locked your phone before stirring the pan of sauteed veggies. As he got closer, you were just preparing yourself to hear it. To hear that nothing seemed to be wrong and for it to confirm that you were losing your mind.

“Everything seems to be working fine” he sighs as he joins you in the kitchen and your heart clenches at his words. The same words you were expecting to hear. Taking your phone from the counter, he quickly unlocks it with the pattern you had set in place and looks over the notifications you had received from him moving around out front. “I don’t know.” he sighs again, still looking at your phone. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

He could hear the irritation in your huff but looked up in time for you to be setting the pan of veggies off to the side and walk away. You had snatched your beer off the counter and leaned back against the black and white granite.

“Y/N?” Just as he was going to ask you what was wrong, the timer on the oven went off, telling him that the stuffed chicken you had made should be done and ready to pull out. Hesitantly, he takes his eyes from you and grabs the potholders off the counter next to him, pulling the oven door open so he can take the dish from the heated enclosure.

“I’m not crazy.” he heard you say as he closed the oven door and went to set the chicken dish on the potholders waiting for the hot glass.

“I never said you were.” he tells you, slipping the mittens off his hands and setting them aside.

“I know what I heard!”

“Hey…” he takes the few steps over to you, his left hand sliding up your arm.

“Someone knocked.” you cry out this time, your voice fragile and crackly and it weighs his heart down.

“I believe you.” he steps in front of you now, his right hand sliding along your neck and resting there as his thumb pushes at your chin a bit, trying to get you to look up at him.

“But you didn’t get notifications either.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” he pushes, trying his hardest to comfort you and calm you down. “I’ll have to mess around with the settings a little, there’s probably something I’m missing. I’ve never used one of these before.” he hated seeing you so upset and he almost wished he found something wrong with the system just so he could fix it and put your fears to rest. “I’ll keep messing with it, alright? But until I can figure it out, just make sure that all the doors are locked and the alarm is on when I’m not here, okay?” Your eyes close just as your head drops a bit, his hand sliding back into your hair as he stepped forward and placed a kiss to the top of your head. “It’s going to be okay.”

He held you for a bit, taking all the time needed to comfort you. When the sniffles came to an end, he pulled away from you, giving you a smile as he wiped at your wet cheeks and whispered an ‘I love you’. He was happy when you stole a kiss from him, a good sign that you were doing better. Then the two of you went for the food, more than ready to get something in your stomachs. 

Lounging on the couch and some meaningless TV followed after the meal and honestly the two of you were barely keeping your eyes open as you were wrapped in each others arms. Of course after the day you both had, it was understandable that you were both drained.

Dean kept an arm around you as he helped you up the stairs, his lips meeting your temple before he released you and let you get ready for bed. Once you were both changed, washed up and ready to crash, Dean slid up behind you under the covers, holding you close as he brushed his lips against the back of your neck.

“I love you.” Was the last thing he heard before soft snores filled the room and he followed soon after.

-

There was chatter from the other officers around him, but yet it was silent at the same time. Deans focus though was on the sheet a few yards ahead, the size of it being smaller than he was used to which already told him what he was walking into.

As he approached the hidden body, he saw that Styles was right there next to him, his eyes trained on the white sheet below.

Feeling sick to his stomach, Dean crouched down next to the white fabric, hesitating before reaching out and grabbing the top and pulling it down. The boy hidden underneath was pale, blue lips and stone cold as he laid there stiff as a block of ice. 

His eyes fell shut at the vision, but knowing this was the job, Dean swallowed and peeled them back open. As he studied the kid, he began to feel this overwhelming amount of fear that was starting to overtake him. He couldn’t understand it and he tried to push past it. But before he could get a grip on the situation, the kids' eyes shot open. Just as fast as a bullet leaving a gun and it had Dean flinching back, his heels catching him before he could fall over. 

Just when Dean thought it couldn’t get any freakier, the kid snapped his head to the side, his cold, dead eyes staring right into his scared green ones. Dean wanted to move. He wanted to run, but he was frozen in place. 

The depth of the kids' eyes were freaking him out. He desperately wanted to get up and run away, but for the life of him, he couldn’t move.

Finally able to move his head, though, he went to look up at Styles, wanting to beg his partner for help. But when he looked up, there was no one there. 

Every officer that he had passed by was now gone. It was only him and this dead kid, that was not so dead anymore.

Turning back to the body, Dean now felt his throat close up. The boy was now sitting up, the sheet forgotten as it was laying on the ground next to him.

Shaky breaths entered and exited the detective through his nostrils as he continued the staring contest with this zombie child. Then, the unthinkable happened.

The boys bones cracked and crunched as he got on all fours and the speed was no match for Dean. 

The detective falls back, his hands catching his body before he can collapse completely. Dean tries to scoot back, using his fingers and heels to dig into the dirt in attempts to get away from this kid. But it’s no use. The kid is way too fast.

Out of instinct, Dean closes his eyes, screwing them shut and praying that the boy will just disappear before he opens them again. But once again, it was no use.

Peeking through the little slits he allows, the boy is still there, just staring at him and he waits until Dean opens his eyes completely before finally letting his blue lips separate and his cold voice escape.

“Save her!”

Dean shoots up in bed, his breathing heavy and dry. The familiarity of the room slowly brings him comfort but the boy's eyes are stuck in his head.

Running a hand down the front of his face, he attempts to bring his hyperventilating to a close, but then you enter his mind. 

Scared that he may have woken you, his head snaps to the side, his eyes scanning over your sleeping body quickly as he looks for any sign of distress. But you’re peaceful. Completely lost in a calm dream, your breathing normal and slow. That helps him calm a bit more.

Not wanting to risk it though, Dean pulls himself from the bed, quietly padding his way into the bathroom and closing himself in, keeping it open just a crack in case you needed him. He stares at himself in the mirror, only that kid's face being what he sees before he flicks the water on and sticks his hands into the stream. Splashing the cool water into his face, he refuses to look into the mirror until he’s brought himself back to reality first. That kids eyes are just seared into his brain and the last thing he wants is to look up and see the boy staring back at him. 

He was home. He just kept repeating that over and over in his head. He was home, safe with you and there were no zombie kids around. It was just a terrible dream. Why? He didn’t know. But it was over now.

Gripping the edge of the counter, Dean took some much needed deep breaths. Water droplets slipped down his face, a few here and there running down the tip of his nose before falling into the sink. He waits until he’s sure he’s awake enough before lifting his head, the reflection looking back at him thankfully his own. 

A heavy breath falls from his lips before he rips the towel from the rack and wipes down his face. He continues to breathe in and out as calmly as possible, pulling himself together as best he can before he exits the bathroom and heads back to bed.

Carefully, he climbs back under the covers, his eyes like a hawk on you as he gets situated and hopes he doesn’t wake you. Again, you don’t move and he’s thankful for that. You continue to dream away as he lays on his side, his hand carefully moving along your middle as he pulls himself closer. A quiet moan rumbles in your gut, but you don’t seem to awaken any more than that.

Letting his body sink into the mattress and his head into the pillow, he lets his body melt back into a restful state, his eyes trained on the back of your head as he thinks of things that make him happy. His house, his family.

You.

Then his eyes slowly begin to drift closed, his mind circling around thoughts of you and your smile, memories that he cherishes. Then once again, sleep takes him in. This time, more peacefully.

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Hope it was worth the wait!

When I get some free time, I want to update my tag list. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to take requests to be tagged!

Thanks for being patient with me!

[n1ightw1ng]

“do any of the clothes you’re wearing belong to you?!” // if you’re wanting prompts i would love to see this with jaytimsteph? or timstephcass 💖

hey hey 😘 here's some fluffy timstephcass for ya ❤️

For the life of him, he could not find his favorite hoodie. Tim had searched every drawer, closet, nook and cranny in three safe houses–the Nest included–and the damn thing was nowhere to be found. He'd had it for years; he had picked it up at a music festival he'd visited with the rest of Young Justice (before a villain crashed it). It was two sizes too big at the time, so it still fit, and the GOO FIGHTERS graphic had cracked and faded.

But it was gone. And Tim was this close to a meltdown only his comfort hoodie could cure.

It wasn’t that he never let anyone borrow his clothes. He didn’t like to, but when all kinds of kid vigilantes were in and out of your room and sometimes covered in various fluids (human or alien), they borrowed your clothes. Kon had worn it before he died, and then Tim had worn it, unwashed, for long after it stopped smelling like his cologne and simply stunk. That was a while ago, though. Things were better now. And he liked his showers frequent and his laundry crisp.

Before he'd passed out after last night's patrol, Steph invited him to a late brunch at the local Gotham chain diner Grindstone’s. The Hill location was fairly close to the apartment she shared with Cass, enough so that the rotating cast of teenage servers knew all of their names. Tim was a less frequent visitor, strict as his diet was, but he suspected the staff gossiped about the guy with two girlfriends, or the girlfriends who sometimes brought their boyfriend, or whatever. It was also possible that they simply knew who Tim Drake was.

When he reached the diner, the girls were already there. They dragged him into their side of the booth and smoothed the paper place mats all together. Someone had procured a box of crayons and the beginnings of a very purple and yellow doodle of both Batgirls covered half the local ads. Steph squeezed him under her arm in a headlock because he wasn't going to order fries to share (and Grindstone's had the best cornmeal-coated fries in town), and he found himself face-to-face with the very familiar fabric of Cass's sweatshirt.

How had he missed it?

“That's mine,” he choked out, launching at her across Steph's lap the moment he was out of the headlock. “Where did you get that?!”

Cass blinked at him, a smug little twist to her lips. “You left it.”

No, he distinctly remembered folding it and placing it in his Favored Location in his closet beneath the theater–Oh. Oh, no. He'd worn it to movie night two weeks ago. And then the three of them had gotten a little…distracted, and he'd gone home the next morning in something else. Steph's oversized denim trucker jacket, with the huge pockets, he thought. He'd forgotten all about the hoodie.

“I need it back,” he sniffed. Steph elbowed him in the side. Their server was balancing five plates in her arms and didn't look prepared to handle whatever they were doing. Once he sat up, she spread out their dishes as best she could with the three of them on the same side of the table. Steph had gotten chocolate chip pancakes, Cass had ordered a cheesy omelet and a plate of corned beef hash, and Tim had gotten his favorites: strawberry-stuffed French toast and the fries he'd been threatened bodily harm over. Shortly after, she returned with a strawberry shake (Steph), an iced hot chocolate with whipped cream and shaved chocolate (Cass), and a frothy cappuccino with pistachio syrup (him). “I've been looking for that for days,” he said, because he wasn't going to let it go.

“Shut up and eat your berries,” Steph said, and cuffed his ear. She scooped some whipped cream off of Cass's drink. Cass simply took a bite of her omelet.

He leaned into Steph, giving Cass his best puppy eyes over her shoulder. “You don't understand,” he whined, “I need it for my health.”

“Bathroom,” Cass said, still with that twinkle in her eye, as she forced them to file out of the booth. When she stood, he noticed the odd fit of her jeans: they were narrowest at the top and too wide for her hips. They were shaped like Stephanie.

He pointed incredulously. “Do any of the clothes you're wearing belong to you?!”

Cass looked over her shoulder and smirked. “Underwear.” That shut him up. He flopped back in the booth to pick at his food. Steph relayed an engrossing story about her feral poetry professor, and then abruptly stopped. She tapped his shoulder frantically.

“Tim. Ohmigod.”

In front of their table, Cass was standing with the hoodie looped over one arm, but that wasn't the interesting part. She was wearing…well, underwear, he supposed, if one was the conservative sort. It was one of those bodysuits Steph had DM'd him, but he could never parse out if it was a hint for the next gift-giving occasion or if she just wanted to show him hot women in goth lingerie. The bodysuit itself was mostly translucent black, with twisting snakes slithering around the waist and breasts. Cass's stomach was almost bare under the fabric, but an ornate diamond shape clung above her belly button. She was wearing pasties. Tim could feel something very embarrassing happening to him under the table.

“Oh my God, you sexy creature!” Steph squealed. She very openly felt up Cass's waist and twirled around her to appreciate a 360 of the bodysuit (or, Tim thought painfully, what parts of it were visible above her jeans). “Tim! Say something!”

His throat felt dry. This was his punishment from God for asking Cass to take off a hoodie he could mostly live without. “I'm dying,” he said, “you're killing me. You're too beautiful.” It was very possible he would die in this diner crushed between Cass's femme fatale bodice and Steph's ample chest. There were certainly worse ways to go.

Nevertheless, as soon as he had his hoodie back, he threw it over his head and melted into the thick fabric. This time it was scented with Cass and the shampoo she shared with Steph.

Oh. Oh, this brunch was going to be torture.

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 142 - It's Not Winterfest Without You

It's Winterfest break! Gemma and Jaden have the day off, so they'll get to see their mom debut her single with Thorne Bailey at their dad's bar. Barely in grade school and they'll be mingling with celebs!

Xander: Morning, Muffin.

Gemma: -yawn- Hi, Daddy.

Xander: You excited for the performance today? It's as close to a concert as we can get.

Gemma: Yeah!

Jaden: I can't believe we get to see Thorne Bailey, a real celebrity!

Xander: Uh, you do know your mom's a celebrity too, right?

Gemma: Whooo, Thorne Bailey!

Meanwhile, Ophelia hears splashing coming from the bathroom. It's, of course, Lulu splashing in the toilet again.

Ophelia: Lucia Camille, how many times have we told you not to do that? It's yucky.

Lulu hates being called Lucia, because it always means she's in trouble.

Lulu: But splashing's fun!

Ophelia will have to come up with a more sanitary way to have water playtime. But for now…

Ophelia: Let's splash in a bath, yeah? You need one, stinker.

The more Lulu plays in the toilet, the sooner she can play in the bath! She's an evil genius!

Before they know it, it's time to drop Lulu and Wren off at daycare and get the launch party of Ophelia and Thorne's Winterfest single started! The two celebs are ready to dish out selfies and hugs to fans left and right. Moses gets the first from Thorne!

This launch party gives Ophelia the perfect excuse to catch up with some friends she doesn't get to see that often, including Miko Pizzazz! It seems like just yesterday Ophelia was a Notable Newcomer, singing at her and Penny's wedding, and now look at her!

After catching up and swapping photos of their kids, Ophelia notices Penny isn't around.

Miko: Oh, she's going to try to come later. Kendrix had a blowout all over her right before the nanny came and she needed to take… several showers.

Ophelia: Sheesh. Understandable.

Sometimes the game writes stuff for me. Libby was trying to talk to her GOOD FRIEND Drew when Thorne just walked up to her and started making out an autograph to her, which she was NOT at all interested in. Guess someone's got to humble Thorne every now and again!

Xander figures now is as good a time as any to break out some of the nectar he's made himself.

Octavia's a juice enthusiast, so she always appreciates a good glass of nectar.

Octavia: Hope your pours are generous. Name your price.

Xander: First one's on the house.

Jaden spends most of the event playing darts with his cousin Jace.

Ophelia: I really appreciate you stopping by, sweetie. And thanks for letting Jaden win.

Jace: You know I love seeing you perform, Aunt O! And don't give me too much credit, I just suck at darts.

Gemma decides to mingle with the Bailey-Moon teens.

Orange: Hey, you've gotta be Ophelia's kid. You look just like her!

Gemma: I get that a lot! I'm Gemma.

Orange: I'm Orange. Don't mind Anjou, no one's paid attention to her in 5 minutes so she's trying not to have a meltdown.

Gemma: Anjou? I love your Plopsy hauls. I see them on FlipFlop all the time!

Anjou: Thank you! Finally, someone recognizes my talent. Why's no one asking for MY autograph?

Orange: Buying stuff with Dad's credit card isn't a talent.

Anjou: Yeah, but I look hot while I do it!

Octavia downed her glass of nectar before I could even get a decent screenshot.

Octavia: Where did you buy this nectar? It's so velvety smooth.

Xander: Oh, I actually made it myself.

Octavia: Ophelia has a killer voice and a nectar expert husband? Her life is so perfect!

They spend most of the event talking all things mixology. Ophelia supports Xander's goal of being a master mixologist and his nectar making hobby, of course, but she can't contribute much to discussions about it. It's nice to meet someone that knows what he's talking about.

Thorne gets everyone's attention before making his speech.

Thorne: Thank you all for being here tonight, for the debut of our charity single. With your support, and your streams, we'll make sure there's Simoleons for Everyone this Winterfest season!

The crowd cheers.

Thorne: Hope you've been enjoying plenty of juice tonight. The Lemon Drop has kindly offered to donate 50% of all profits from tonight to Simoleons for Everyone, so you can feel good about drinking yourself silly!

Ophelia sends a smile to her husband. He didn't tell her that!

Thorne: Thank you to my beautiful wife, Octavia Moon, for writing the lyrics, and to Ophelia Lemon for helping me bring the song to life. And, most of all, thank you for your love and support.

No wonder Thorne was able to easily move past his songwriting scandal. He's a charmer!

Ophelia: 🎶*Carolers singing, sleigh bells are ringing It's that time of year Everyone's toasting, chestnuts are roasting Winterfest is near*

Thorne: *Something's missing, and I'm wishing Wishing that you knew How much it would mean to spend this Winterfest with you*🎶

Ophelia and Thorne:🎶*'Cause it's Winterfest And the start of something new Well it's Winterfest And I hope you will feel it too Candy canes and mistletoe Jack Frost nipping at your nose But all of it means nothing Without you*🎶

People are eating up the performance! One little fan in particular is loving the show.

Gemma might have been more excited about the Bailey-Moons because, y'know, she doesn't live with them, but seeing her mom on stage, doing what she loves, is actually a really cool experience.

The song has officially launched for streaming, and most everyone has left for the night, except the Lemons and the Moon-Bailey family. They stay behind and unwind on the rooftop under the stars after an eventful evening.

While the others mingle, Ophelia and Thorne move off to the side to have a more personal chat.

Ophelia: I really think you could have sung the song yourself, but thank you for giving me this opportunity.

Thorne: Eh, maybe I could have, but what's the fun in that?

Thorne: I know I was a bit arrogant earlier in my career, but I've grown a lot. The spotlight is big enough for more than just me. I'd be nothing without Tavi's lyrics, and this song needed some, pardon the pun, zest. You've been incredible to work with. I should be thanking you.

Ophelia feels like she's on cloud nine. There's still part of her that feels like a kid who dreams of fame, it's hard to accept she's actually made a name for herself in the music industry, even despite her hiatus.

Ophelia Lemon is back and the future of her career looks bright.