#had a great time but like. Now im tired.
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mmm not sure if I should cook dinner or have chips and read. leaning towards chips
#also depends if i want to make dinner (Mediterranean turkey meatballs) or microwave smth (Trader Joe’s chicken curry)#bc I’m not sure i have much of the ol’ Effort left in me after going on a three mile crazy girl walk w the dog#had a great time but like. Now im tired.#maybe i have some chips and then make the curry . That sounds good#lee’s bullshit#also the walk was great it’s been cloudy and cool so I didn’t sweat at all. It even was a lil misty which is great
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Happy [depending on your timezone belated-] 2nd birthday CCCC!!
I gotta eep now, but I might add some more thoughts tomorrow ^^
For now, thank you CCCC for being my intro to Chonny Jash, and thank you cj for all the awesome community and inspiration and joy you’ve brought me and so many other people. Your music and characters will always hold a special place in my Heart [haha] <33
#chonny jash#cj mind#cj heart#cj soul#cj whole#cj harmonia#chonny’s charming chaos compendium#cccc#what who me? hide Pink Whole propaganda in my cccc anniversary artwork?? never ……#listened to the album in its entirety in order for the first time while making it and oooohhh the Thoughts about it#it was a great experience I feel bad I didn’t do it sooner lmao#anyways yayayayy !! happy birthday cccc <3333#there’s some fun details I added but I’ll probably just elaborate tmrw :]#appalling mustelid tornado#edit: adding some extra little details/thoughts because I’m rested now yay :D#I was careful to make sure to include 2 qualities from each of hms !#heart: blindfold and wings mind: crown and mechanical hands soul: mask and trident :)))#i guess this could count as a Whole/Harmonia design ??? I would call this Harmonia and Not Whole . very much just HMS combined into#one Being but like . not the thing that sings banana man and haiku and hidden in the sand n stuff yknow?#I originally had the colors more organized like . the hands and crown/head area were blue and the masked half of the face was red n stuff#but it didn’t look as good so it’s all just super liquified and blurred together now lol#Im actually pretty fond of how this turned out ^^#all of hms’s colors are included in the background with Soul being the spotlight Mind being the bottom gradient and Heart being the overall#background color#I would give some fancy symbolic explanation for this but I won’t lie . there isn’t any lol it’s just what I thought would work well :’))#if you can find meaning in it that’s great though !!!#I realized earlier today [day after I posted this] I forgot to add line weight to the trident which makes me kinda sad but WE BALL !!!#I would’ve added more symbolism in the patterns but I was super tired and had a headache when I did them 😭#oh and the trident !! it’s totally split up for epic symbolic reasons about the ending of the violence and the relationship between hms#and not because I fucked up the post real bad and couldn’t make it work properly with the trident intact dw about it trust chat
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as of ten minutes ago we are officially Jobless™️. my sign to retire early and devote the remainder of my existence to writing toxic old man yaoi
#pennforyourthoughts#personal#someone rb this with silly tags i feel it deserves some levity#warning: novel-length tags lmfao#THEY TOLD ME TODAY MY LAST DAY IS FRIDAY? that's only two whole workdays for me HELLO??#knew it was coming bc they let my friend go two weeks ago and he had more seniority than me but jfc#at least let me ride out the contract till november. WHY. i JUST went back to uni i need money goddamn it#full disclosure tho i haven't been able to stop laughing bc so much of the surrounding circumstances are insanely funny to me#1) i was LITERALLY at a job fair yesterday and I almost considered not going bc I was so damn tired#surprisingly made some really great connections so ty universe now i have people to poke in the coming months#2) i switched from part time to ft course load at the last second and have been regretting it ever since but if im to be unemployed then#MAYBE now I can actually handle the uni workload :D#3) when my boss called me she asked how ive been and i told her i was sooo sick last week and got into a car accident#that same day omw back from uni (universal karma for skipping class for my health ig)#THE WAY SHE PAUSED ON CALL IS SO FUNNY IN RETROSPECT. was prolly thinking fuck. now i have to add to this#she literally went “omg im so sorry...anyways i have bad news”#im not even lying when i say i was GIGGLING through that whole call she was so concerned#love her bc she genuinely tried to fight for me and is the reason i wasn't let go two weeks ago but man. the timing is impeccable#also don't think i get any unemployment benefits bc i was temp contract and my situation as a whole is a bit complicated so YAY :DDD#the way i ran to my bestie to spill the tea & we're over here like 🤝 fired buddies 🤝 time to speed run job interviews while juggling uni
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as cool as their design is im really starting to dislike the sonau in general, aside from their stuff suddendly being everywhere and everything being about them and how cool(tm) they are now with the mystery stone turning people into dragons and the similarities between the sonau and the three dragons (naydra, eldra, farodra) its actually not an impossibility that they used to be sonaus as alot of people have been theorizing about ..but ...... idk that would very much ruin their otherwordly yet ethereal mystery to me
i probably sound like some hater whos trying to find something more to dislike about totk all the time but i promise im not!!
the three dragons being some unexplained mystery, beings that are there yet few can see them, timeless, nigh untouchable, they dont act on anything, they dont talk, something about them has always made me look at them in awe; if it turned out they were just yet another cool(tm) sonau guy that ate a stone ... :/
not a fan of that one lads, but dont worry, i will keep my thoughts to myself from now on, i dont want to ruin other peoples fun nor seem like i just hate everything ... the three dragons are just really important to me so i had to say something
#ganondoodles talks#tloz#totk#totk spoilers#totk spoiler#besides i have leanred that i tend to have the unpopular opinions and frankly im tired of the hate directed at me#if you disagree thats fine but please dont spam me with why you think its cool actually#bc it just feels like yet another argument starting as to why im wrong and need to be talked down to and also suck actually#sorry its been all over my timeline on twitter so i just had to throw my dumbass opinion out there again#and it was a few times more than id like in a row where my random thought posts where torn apart by arguing people needing to prove im wron#the dragons where something i just absolutely loved in botw#they hold a special place in my heart and i dont like the thought of them too being just yet another sonau thing#i feel more secure posting my thoughts here than on twitter#but still i dont want to sound overly negative so i will hold back from now on#unless im exhausted and overly tired and not feeling that great physically like right now i guess lol#ill just have to grit my teeth and try to ignore everything i dont like but everyone else loves like always#anyway i need some sleep#ill be fine after that i think#and then try to resume work on destiny and a commission i havent had the energy to get to
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i played this game for? so many hours. its actually embarrassing how many hours i played today. its 3am. ok. goodnight
#12 hours........... ok.#as you can tell i was having fun#i took a break to watch the thing with my bf :) it was so scary we had so much fun!! we went in totally blind#neither of us had ever seen it before and we were way off base for what our guesses were lmao#all i knew was that? theres a dog. i thought maybe he'd have rabies... lmao... and he was like i think it's about a murder mystery??#very off base guesses but 10/10 movie would recommend its so fun. idk why this turned into a movie review#ANYWAYS datv is so much fun i had such a great time playing it today :D time for bed zzzzz#i was trying 2 play until i recruited emmrich and taash but im too tired zzzz my bed calls to me#ok now goodnight for real this time
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I don't think I'll ever reach the peak gender again of wearing a 3 piece suit to prom
#CATIE MOMENT OF ALL TIME ACTUALLY#god i want my own suit so badly#it had suspenders and everything....god....#catie post covid gender is great actually. suit for prom. mens type grad pics#it was all very scary to be like uhhhh yes suit please! and have the workers be like oh okay! np :)#most slayful actually was me picking a tie to match my bestie's dress and we're both like hmmmm idk if its exact#and then the pics its literally exactly the same shade 😎#and gah the other prom w all my male friends and all of our suits is just very :)#i look at those pics prob every month and im like wow :) they're my fav pics ever i think#and then the gender of my friend being tired of wearing her heels so she made us swap shoes 😭#there's no reason now to wear a suit so :/ next grad i guess!#catie.rambling.txt
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#delete later#wildly embarrassing meeting today where managers brought up concerns about my work and i had to explain that i cant get my#shit together bc my ocd is being a bitch and i can't think properly. and nearly cried multiple times so thats. embarrassing. and now#i am actually crying bc i cant do shit right atm anf its so frustrating ao so frustrating#fuck im tired of it all. they were so nice aboit it evej though i know ive pissed them off and made them frustrated.#i feel shitty bc it feels like ibe just given an excuse as to why they cant be angry at me when they absolutely should be#but im also terrified of them being angry at me so maybe i dud just use it as an excuse and am terrible and shitty#all while knowing FULL WELL that im feeling like this BC im in an ocd episode and moral scrupulosity is a part of my ocd#its this intense BC my ocd is not great atm. its so frustrating abd exhausting and makes me want to scream. and i know that ive#slipped backwards in terms of my skills. i fycking hate it. i hate it.#i just feel useless atm. and it's miserable. and im making things harder for other ppl and that makes me worse than useless#but at the same time i know why i feel like this and why i cant operate how i usually do but that just makes me more angry
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#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes#and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on#ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done#and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well#im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them#and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right#its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried#i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway#im just. this is gonna b a difficult week#and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend#nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia?#how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru#but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep#ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway#and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week#sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems#but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed#unrelated
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I really lost an entire fucking WEEK to being sick huh like hrrrGGGG i had STUFF to DO. also i felt slightly better today so i tried to like gung ho do stuff and honestly im exhausted from doing like two things :(((( AND i have to be at stupid fucking work at 8 am tomorrow DDDDDD:
#yes i am WHINING but i literally had THINGS to DO#i have like three major sewing project to try and get done in uh. seven days. and im still sick. and im working everyday this week#also my paycheck is a good almost $300 less than it should've been bc i was SICK for a WEEK#im genuinely like. angry.#also had to fucking bribe one of my coworkers to fucking go in to work to cover my shift#bc he was like. oh yeah i know i literally promised you less than 12 hours ago to go in but now i like. don't wanna. im tired#FUCK OFF???#im so annoyed im like that's not how any of this works. and this was like. less than an hour before the shift started he was like#well i don't like. want to#and im like cool. great. super cool.#*mentally adds u to my list of entirely unreliable people*#sorry for tag rambling i just feel like garbage#i missed seeing nightvale live because i was sick#this was the first week were i was supposed to have like loads of time and do some fun things and get some stuff done that i had had in lik#over a month?#so i was. excited. for naught.#anyway uhhh bite kill bite bite bite kill
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its joever
#had a terrible day at work and cried in front of my dad for the first time maybe idk ever#like it turns out if you force your kid into college and a profession they dont want to have anything to do with...it ends badly#not that hes fully to blame im a dad apologist my extended family is just full of control freaks#but if we want to go Further i can also blame imperial japan for invading my hometown and making my great- and current grandparents#grow up in so much poverty and financial instability that'll 80ish years later i am now in this situation. whatever. i'll live#as soon as i get my resignation letter written#it's so embarrassing that i have to notify the FDA too like hhi hello...if u could detach my license from this pharmacy pls thamk u#shit i could have avoided if i just applied at a hospital where all my coworkers are also registered professionals so my workplace isnt#relying Solely on my license. damn#anyway its 8 PM i am tired out from cruing its bedtime#skl.txt
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always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds
#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN#personal#im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so#im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so.#the energy’s doing Great#and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing#genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed????????#i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then#im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms#usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way#but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with#so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare?#still more sick than i’ve been in……..years?#im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week#this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer#hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!!#and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like—#starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis#im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune#i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months#idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)
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#so for the last like. as long as i can remember. ive had a shit sleep schedule#mostly like sleep all day and stay up all night kinda shit#but i got sick/burnt out recently and slept for almost two days straight#and somehow it reset my sleep schedule to something normal#like i went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 5am for the last few days#and i havent had to nap#and the not needing to nap is really fucking with me#like im used to waking up. feeding my dog. and then napping until i go to work#i should be napping rn. but im not tired#i dont have to get ready for work for another four hours and ive already been awake for three hours#i went to the coffee shop and to walgreens. im in real clothes instead of pajamas. i did a load of laundry#im laying in bed (its so hot i might be dying) and i just. dont know what to do with my time#im probably gonna do some cleaning and packing because im moving in two months#idk im just feeling some strange type of way because for the last few days ive been. alive#instead of sleeping my life away#its so strange. i got sick. slept for a few days. and now my biggest problem is just fixed? and i can have a life now?#its 70 degrees today and the world is my oyster. what should i do?#i have a list of chores im gonna do. i might walk to the coinstar machine so ill have money#yeah i want to do that cuz im in the negatives in my bank account but i want to get a cool drink before work today#my dad texted me this morning 'noticed your bank account is overdrawn for the second time this week. whats going on kid?'#which is such a sad text to get because i know im broke. thanks dad. lets pls ignore my financial hardships#if you want to make my dad less sad hmu for my venmo /hj#anyways ill probs do that today. get some cash so i can get a frozen lemonade from wawa or something#yknow that post thats like 'seasonal depression seems fake until its 50 degrees in march and it feels like you took a party drug'#i think thats partially whats happening here. its 70 degrees and sunny and my systems dont know what to do with that#i hope youre all having a great day that you dont sleep through. i love you!!
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sigh 😔
#so fucking frustrated with my sleep rn!#was trying to fix it so last night i slept like??? 3/4? hours?#and i literally refused to go anywhere near my bed all day. made sure i was always doing something and i waa quite productive tbh#only to feel exhausted at 10.30pm and think ok. Maybe you can sleep now and get a full sleep then wake up early#i can usually only sleep 6 hours at a time which is enough for me i think#anyways so i fall asleep. only to fucking wake up at 11pm. so i basically just had a nap#and i know what im like. i wont be able to sleep for at least a couple hours now so basically my sleep was fucked#i tried so hard to just force myself to lie back down and try to sleep again but i couldnt do it#i know its not that big a deal but im just so. fucking tired. and i guess i just kinda hate how hard i tried to sort my sleep just for it#to fail so miserably. like its usually not great. hasnt been for years but this is honestly on some other level.#anyways idk why im here complaining about it. will probably delete this later. time to go do whatever awake ppl do i guess#le text post
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YEAH NO TONBI GOT HANDS.......... my timing on suggesting it may be Questionable but I AM very glad it holds up as a movie :] hopefully the interview and We Make Antiques are fun diversions! But also take it easy <3 can confirm Nakai is Pretty Moe in both though <3 And I WILL harass you about Masato's VA next week...
TBF YOU SUGGESTED IT A WEEK OR SO AGO twas on me for taking a while to get to it... nevertheless i did really enjoy it thank you..... AND YAYA IM SO STOKED TO WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW AND WMA2 THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆!!!!!
esp cant wait to hear about masato's VA in the future.. 👁️👁️
#snap chats#LISTEN i think we all just have to accept at this point any time there's a story about a doting father or fts a doting father#i will cry like its unavoidable. so whether my life's falling apart that week or everything's fine#There Will Be No Difference In How Much I Cry ☠️☠️ im just built terribly what can i say it makes for GREAT inspo tho#tonbi WAS real cute tho and i did enjoy it a lot Because yasu did remind me of my dad a lot#very lucky to say my dad's never slapped me or thrown water in my face tho so LMAO BUT FOR THE MOST PART Yeah...#in a way it weirdly felt like watching an AU of my life. if i may sound insane. listen i already said the kid's name had me twisted LISTEN#fr tho cause ive always wondered what my life wouldve been like if i was able to be raised by my dad instead#im gonna make myself start crying if i get too deep into it LMAO NEEDLESS TO SAY i really enjoyed the movie :)#EVIL that they really did let us see akira get married and now yasu gotta give a speech and If He IS Anything Like My Dad#i know damn well he was winging it and didn't prep a script and I Will Start Crying if i think back to my sis's wedding#STILL MAD THAT THE ONE TIME I HAD TO PISS WAS RIGHT BEFORE HIS SPEECH BUT WHATEVER MOVING ON#said i wasnt gonna talk bout the movie/my dad anymore lest i make myself UPSET yet here i am... always saying more when i shouldnt ☠️#but yeah... i have ONE (1) more comm this week Lest Someone Wants To Snipe A Spot IDK#SO im gon do that :]#and im kinda tired rn... but the uncertainty of how much time i have nowadays urges me to work on it a bit#i dont THINK it should take super long but it IS a full-rendered piece so.... it will take time needless to say#n e way not to sound insane but nakai is An Endearing Chap. is the most sane way i can put it#i mentioned it durin a stream but somethin bout him just naturally exudes cute... idk... im delirious probably ANYWAY BYE FR NOW#CANNOT WAIT for next week to be harassed 🥰🥰
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#ranting be aware im pissed#well fuck me i guess#why the fuck does this keep happening#why do i even fucking try#i applied to a long term sub job#one that was actually in social studies#one that could have given me a job next year too#while it wouldnt have been my favorite place it would have been a fucking job#one that could have actually got me one step closer to teaching my actual fucking subject but no#they fucking decided to choose someone else#that happens thats ok#but why the fuck did you ask me to do an interview and let me get a time later than others do to my schedule#only to fucking make a call the day fucking before not even allowing me an interview#is that fucking normal?#to just rescind interviews#to do it the day before#even if you werent going to go with me normally you would fucking allow the interview to happen#because you allowed it to exist#but no like all my fucking luck its a no just because#i dont blame the other candidate#but you could have at least had the dignity to just let the interview happen#such a great thing before Christmas#but just my fucking luck every time#im so tired of this shit#can i just fucking teach please#and my subject please#and now i have to keep my emotions at bay because im still fucking at work#i just work in a different school hence why i couldnt do the original interview time#fuck me i guess
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