#had a family event today
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MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS, I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A WONDERFUL EVENING!!! me, personally, i need to go flop over in some snow and take a nap while Foul Legacy keeps me nice and toasty warm
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#had a family event today#honestly was not as bad as i thought it might be#not as draining to interact with them#and the food was very good for the most part#but now i am sleepy so happy holidays#make sure to stick a bow on top of foul legacy's head teehee
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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2024 Singapore GP | x
#hi everyone I'm sorry I vanished for a few days#this weekend has been hard here with irl family things and in my heart in the world of F1#I feel so so so so much for Daniel and I keep riding a roller coaster of anger that RBR let this happen and sorrow if this is it#then I swing back to hope#not just in 2025 (which I still believe in!!)#but that he can find joy and fufillment and love somewhere better#he deserves so much better than the callously cruel weekend from a sport he's given so much of his life to#I'll be a Daniel fan no matter where he goes next#but my trust in RBR is irrevocably shattered as it is for many (not that I had much to begin with!)#but he was thrown to the wolves and I'm just so angry and heartbroken this happened#but then the possible last lap of his potential last race given to Max#thank you Daniel#and I'm hopeful til the end#I hope he gets what he wants but he deserves so much love#and seeing the love from fans and the people in his life who DO care#I'm a newer fan but I have become so fond for Daniel so much and the anticipation is killing me#let him and fans have peace (even if the goal is Checo retiring after the Mexico GP then at least give some closure for the month between)#just a hard weekend#and the FIA absurdity with Max too ugh#and Carlos' crash in quali ahhh just an awful weekend#with that and an overwhelming family weekend I just couldn't bring myself to post anything#but thank you everyone for this space#I need to catch up but I have seen so many folks echo how I feel#it is upsetting and needless and uncerimonious and cruel#I'll be hopeful forever there is a chance#but Daniel deserves to be happy and RBR proved how heartless of a place they can be#I'll savor the silver linings of Max and Daniel's bond and those on the team who lifted him up#I'll be away again for a work event today but I looked around insta a bit last night#I'll post and tag for the GP if anyone wants to not see it!! still hurts but it'll all be okay in time I know it ❤️#autumn posts
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God the loneliness has been hitting real bad since yesterday
#vent#not many irl friends to hang out with#i signed up for an event tomorrow and monday but#so many online friends but none that are either available or that I'm cozy with to talk#my best irl friend has been so busy for months that we barely exchange a few texts a day#and the larger friend group i had has been gone for months#it fucking sucks man i feel miserable#sure i get out and go outside and like volunteer and stuff but that's not friendship yknow#i spend maybe like 2-4 hours a WEEK talking to someone who isn't family#it's not enough i miss having friends and i miss being able to see people in person#all the ppl i relied on either left or are too fucking busy to talk#on certain days of the week i can reliably spend the whole day not once talking to a real life person. like today#it's slowly getting to the point that i'm getting existential dread and anxiety just from existing#because the only thing i can reliably look forward to every day is being fucking alone
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I'm surprised it's not a couple's trip🥺
Looks like it's mainly President work (some meetings about the war and in addition the Auschwitz event).
I also wouldn't rule out they wanted the focus only on him - a Jewish President attenting the event; in particular considering the crazy reasons (denazification) Russia claims as justification for the war and the constant and massive antisemitism Ze has to face. And Ukraine being involved in the most brutal war since WW2 and having to defend themselves against the new Nazis, who try to genocide them.
#even though consindering zes family history it probably would have been a big support for him if olena had accompanied him#i cant imagine how hard this event must have been for him today
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sometimes dreams are insightful. like the time i had a dream where i fell asleep on the shoulder of my former best friend and realized it was because i missed hugging her.
sometimes they’re stupid though and mean absolutely nothing. like the one i just had about a weird marionette doll and her frankenstein like husband having to flee their adams family style house to some random italian countryside to escape the police while trying to figure out how to be parents to their newborn child
#kiwi shares their thoughts#i had… a lot of dreams i remembered today#what i hate is that my favorite one was interrupted before it finished#but even before that it was like my dream psyched me out#i was waiting for something and then it fucking changed the subject#false hope in a dream is a sucker punch to the gut when you wake up#i’m just not gonna read too much into it because sometimes you shouldn’t put so much stalk in dreams#so even though it sucks to think about that dream when i’m awake#it’s still my favorite because it made me feel the best in the dream#what i’m learning though#is that i’m craving cuddles#cause two of my dreams were about that#and it was from different people so i think it’s just a general want and not from a specific person#i had i think four different distinct dreams i remember but all of them but one did that dream morph thing#where the plot/art style changed halfway through#so even though it was a continuous sequence of events theyre almost disconnected enough to count as separate dreams#but they were actually just one long semi-cohesive dream#what WAS super crazy though was in the last dream the art style literally changed#like it went from real people with weird old hollywood horror movie effects and quality#to an almost combo of adams family-stop motion-book of life-willoughbys type style#the visual representation changed as the character and plot and vibe of the story changed#yo but that was probably the most interesting dream of the four#it had insane plot and cool animation and even the very disturbing beginning part was cool if ur into things that are a little fucked up bu#overall wholesome
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Happy Thanksgiving I'm thankful my power hasn't gone out and my aunt isn't dead
#...its been a wild two days#the first nor'easter of the year hit today and while the power hasnt gone out we're not out of the woods yet#AND one of my aunts suffered a rather serious medical event ans while shes expected to recover she did have to be#transported to a really good hospital bc of how serious it was#also. the thanksgiving dinner that was planned with a different part of the family had to be cancelled last minute. so we had to throw#together a last-minute dinner. im tired yall#beans rambles#salty beans#ehh sort of a vent? its been stressful
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therapist: "...and are you only gentle with yourself when you're trying to self soothe after punishing yourself for mistakes?"
me:
#like as she was saying it she could tell my answer bc the look on my face LMAO#its just simple stuff but hearing it from someone else ??? is helping soo much >-< it's only my 2nd meeting but shes really cool and#i can make her laugh >:) hehe but i got to get out a lot of feelings about just being powerless in regards to family and current events ...#basically i have a lot of homework and it's all gay self care <3 and today im staying off mi phone bc jfccccc#had to put on long sleeves bc the damage girliessss . but i plan on chilling and i'm only on here bc tumblr my beloved USUALLY doesnt stres#why am continuing anyway we are on the road to recovery and remember <3 takecareofyourself <3
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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~ ~ ~
#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy
#beanie babbles#okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags#tw pet death#tw death#i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language#Here we go#I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion#-ate. all that good stuff blah blah#Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people#I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes#but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more#but im not crying at a casket#But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize#This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention#this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross#I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part#but i dont check the nessicities#so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box#I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all#But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop#Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think#Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it#Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020#vent post#not really actually this turned into an explination of events more#anyway#the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru
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Steve is most likely to end up in a lavender marriage and Tony's most likely to end up in a “married for tax/immigration/inheritance fraud” reasons.
They meet as married men and pine for each other hardcore and are also trying not to read too much into how their interest seems reciprocated and oh nooooo both Immigration/the IRS and the the Church/in-laws/DADT era army dudes or whatever are snooping around at the same time at each of their marriages and they have to be so good at being married at the people they are married to oh noooooo and they other guy doesn’t know why they are suddenly being iced out and maybe they were just imagining things? maybe it’s for the best with all these eyes around on them…
#not to get too real but i love queer people. we see each other and we save each other#i wish i could talk in depth about this lgbtq history panel i went to tonight without doxxing myself#but basically all of these panelists were older gay ppl & one of them won a very monumental court case in the state#and right after introductions one of the other panelists turned to her and thanked her so profusely for the sacrifices she had made#and the work she did to win that case#and that by achieving that win for herself she paved the way for this other panelist to have her own family recognized legally by the state#i don't know i'm not explaining it well but something about knowing and seeing that gratitude in real time. understanding so viscerally tha#so much of our history has happened within one or two lifetimes. to the point that many of the champions of our current rights are alive#today for us to learn from and listen to and THANK#i met two nb ppl through school last year and have since become very close to them#they are the only two ppl on this planet who use my pronouns the way i want them to be used. they switch it up every time and i love them#a little bit more each time i hear them talk about me. it's magical#my childhood best friend told me he liked boys and girls like a month after we first met each other in the fourth grade#he told me there's a word for that; he's bisexual#i think abt how incredible that was a lot. how brave he was to say that and to own that and how long it might have taken me to figure#out that i was the same had he not said it.#anyway all this to say that yes absolutely i love this#steve and tony meet at a military gala. steve's being recognized for his service and tony and his wife were invited by some higher-up who#imagined he could use the event as a way to cozy up to him and earn some good favor before negotiations start on SI's contract renewal#their eyes meet while steve's up on stage. he hates these things. hates being dragged into the spotlight. he feels naked and bare and#vulnerable every time. trapped in enemy territory with no cover. but he sucks it up he kisses his wife on the cheek and she smiles#big and beautiful; perfect like they've run their lines 1000 times over. like they could recite each other's parts by heart#he makes his way to the podium. breathes deep to center himself before he launches into his thankless thank-yous. steve's a terrible liar#but somehow he's made it this far in his career. he can manage for one more night. except#right as he lifts his eyes to speak he sees him. bright eyes burning into his from a shadowed table in the corner. the brass speaking at hi#on his left and a lovely woman who's bored and unimpressed on his right. and him looking directly back at steve#steve's breath catches and he chokes on air. trips on his lines. forgets himself and loses the beat of the scene#he looks down at his notes and ignores them. raises his face to the light and plays himself to be seen by an audience of one.#anon#signed sealed delivered
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#dkhghgghkslghhhgh I'm Not Normal about rotg#my interest in it picks back up for a few weeks each year and I just. sigh#please dreamworks I know you had sequels planned. you don't know how big it would be amongst today's audiences. I prommy#director PETER RAMSEY and executive producer GUILLERMO DEL TORO both want to give it a second chance#as does joyce. the guy who sold the IP to dreamworks#nooo because there are so many interesting things the movie could pull on if it starts looking at the guardians with respect#to events of the past#a big critique of rotg is that it doesn't have much plot and I think that largely comes as a result of the movie being mostly setup#it needed to spend so much time establishing its world and I'm so glad that it did#but it did lead to people questioning what the heck bunny and tooth are and why pitch feels so flat etc etc#oh my GOD if they dug into how pitch was created it would add so much subtext to the antarctica scene#I wouldn't care about whether they brought in nightlight stuff or not by integrating more material from the books bc movie canon#is already so distinct but YOU'RE TELLING ME that this man... a guard in his own right... succumbed to the powers of fear#because he was mourning the loss of his child??? because he wanted to protect her??? and then he tried to connect with jack#(a child) over how much he longed to be known and have a FAMILY??? how am I supposed to be normal about this#there are so many ghosts of the books' influence in the first movie that could be explored so much#not to mention something something fear exists to keep people (kids) safe and eliminating it completely would be Bad Actually#maybe I'm realizing I just want pitch to be explored more sdkfjsldfjks#I've seen a lot of folks say they want more seasonal characters to be introduced and I guess that could work in the context of a show#but if they dove more into how the guardians came to be and what MIM's deal is and how that all affects the present#ohhhh baby that's good content right there#fern muses
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HAPPY (belated?) BIRTHDAY! 🎉 how does it feel being 23? also congrats on the wool yarn
THANK YOUUUU LUCIA!!! oh my god im 23. i should be at the club.....
#satanfemme#i didnt realise i should literally be at the club#but other than that it feels exactly like 22 but people have been saying happy birthday to me for like four days straight bc i had#concert i was forced to wear a happy birthday headband to on sunday -> family birthday event monday -> diff family event tuesday ->#belated wishes today#and tomorrow im havin a lil friend thing so itll be five straight days of birthday
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Ze during the Railway Workers' Day event
#soft looks soft smiles 🫶#glad he had an event he could enjoy today#(of course he still honoured everyone especially the ones who died)#but god knows how much he probably sometimes craves these events#just “people events” or culture or history#or something like that#anything that is not war and death and torture and war crimes and destruction and horror and terror#just...things he can enjoy#interact with people#giving his brain some new food (as well as his soul) outside of politics and presidency#bonus points if olena can attend#just having a tiny little bit of normalcy#i sometimes think about Olenas interviews where she talks about that normalcy and how she tries to create and preserve it for the kids#(and herself)#and i wonder if she may can do this a bit easier because they can imitate a normal life and household with taking care and cleaning...#...and school and so on#but vova is stuck in bankova 24/7/365#the moment he opens his eyes until the moment he closes them again is always about work#and we know even in his sleep he cares about work#he doesnt have any normalcy even though (unfortunately) living in bankova and working all the time now it is#(which we know he doesn't see as normalcy normalcy)#(he misses his family and their life he craves the old life)#so i wonder if these events are feeling like...normalcy#like being able to take a “break”#just taking a breath#just doing something ...nice#even though the war is still present even there#but different#just doing what he loves and what gave him energy (and probably still gives him energy)
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Thank fucking god that the human body is 60% liquid because if there wasn't an explanation for how you could cut me open and find burning magma in there I would just die
#Thought life was good but NEVER FUCKING MIND BECAUSE THE ASSHOLE SPERM DONOR DIRTBAG HAD TO RUIN IT AGAIN#my mum and sister are EXHAUSTED from being outside the whole of today and this dickwad piece of shit goes and invites a family of SIX (6!!)#hosting and being around people to study for the biggest exams of my life!! ever fucking mind that people here because some BITCH wanted#to have a tea party with his ASSHOLE FRIENDS#Just trying to have one??? good??? day???#But this ASSHOLE has to go and ruin it for everyone whilst sitting on his ass and doing NONE of the labour he just volunteered us for#a family of SIX (6!!!!) to the house in less than twelve hours!!!!! A family of six visiting from overseas!!#A family of six I am not comfortable near my shit!!!! A family of six with young children!!! (and no hate on them they ain't done nothing)#And when I say young I mean my DOG is heavier than two of those kids for fucks sake!!!!!#he jumps on people and you know who is gonna get mad and scream about a dog going dog on people he invited over with 11 hours warning!!#This entire fucking house needs to be cleaned!! The dog needs to be wrangled!!!#The actually fucking backbreaking labour that is usually done over a week leading to an event like this needs to be done in 11 hours!!#And guess who is gonna sit his ass down on the couch and watch the critical-thinking-eroding-chinese-version-of-fox-news-on-youtube#on the TV my mother paid for??????#WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT??? WHY IS THIS BITCH SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE HERE NOT SLAVES DICKWAD#I WISH HE HAD FALLEN AND BROKEN HIS NECK INSTEAD#FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU#I WANT HIM DEAD I WANT HIM GONE I WANTED ONE GOOD DAY BEFORE EXAMS IS THAT TOO MUCH FOR YOU PIECE OF SHIT?????
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