#gwen risking her life to get the flower from arthur??

[arthurslesbian]

no but the poisoned chalice may be one of my favorite eps ever 😭

[tossawary]

I'm reviewing episode transcripts from "Merlin" to build up my worldbuilding document (character list, mostly) and, a little ways into S2, I'm kind of feeling like the show is actually quite mean to Arthur as a character sometimes? S1 E14: "To Kill the King" is one of those episodes where I forget how badly it pissed me off until I run into it again.

Like, don't get me wrong, Arthur can be a bully, entitled, hotheaded, and reckless, but he's also at this point risked his own life to save people multiple times. Both individuals whose lives were "worth less" than his own (getting the Mortaeus flower for a poisoned Merlin, smuggling Mordred out of the city, protecting Ealdor from bandits) and also Camelot as a whole (fighting the plague-causing monster in the sewers, fighting the mam-eating griffin, drinking poison to lift the unicorn curse).

Arthur is giving me vibes of being both bored and frustrated (and probably not able to name those feelings or exactly why he has them) because he wants so badly to do good things, but he's not really sure how to go about it because (no one ever tells him anything, he almost NEVER knows what's really going on to make informed choices, and) he's also stuck under the thumb of his tyrannical father, who spends most of their scenes together berating Arthur for being too merciful, for not being dutiful enough, and/or not finding sorcerers for execution fast enough. When Arthur tries to be fair-minded and compassionate, Uther often essentially tells him that he's going to be a weak king with that attitude.

Arthur's pathways to betterment are limited, his parent and role model and boss here is an AWFUL person, but he's trying!

So, it's quite frustrating to get to this one episode where characters like Gaius (extremely biased, admittedly, clearly not an objective individual) are saying things like: "Arthur's not ready. The responsibility would be too great. Brave though he may be, he lacks experience, he lacks judgement."

Like, I don't know, Arthur may be only 21 and kind of a dipshit, but I personally think he'd still do a better job than the guy who tried to kill a kid (Mordred) just for existing a few episodes ago? Maybe? Gwen's father, who wasn't even a sorcerer or knowingly working with one, is dead explicitly because of Uther's awful laws. Did everyone in this episode forget that Uther tried to BURN GWEN ALIVE AT THE STAKE not that long ago (Episode 3)?

ARTHUR: "[Morgana]'s right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen."

UTHER: "You saw it for yourself. She used enchantments."

ARTHUR: "Yes, maybe. But to save her dying father, that doesn't make [Gwen] guilty of creating a plague. One's the act of, of kindness, of love, the other of evil. I don't believe evil's in this girl's heart."

UTHER: "I have witnessed what witchcraft can do. I have suffered at its hand. I cannot take that chance. If there is the slightest doubt about this girl, she must die or the whole kingdom may perish."

ARTHUR: "I understand that."

UTHER: "One day you may become King. Then you will understand. Such decisions must be made. There are dark forces that threaten this kingdom."

ARTHUR: "I know. Witchcraft is an evil, father. So is injustice. Yes, I am yet to be King, and I don't know what kind of king I will be, but I do have a sense of the kind of Camelot I would wish to live in. It would be where the punishment fits the crime."

UTHER: "I fear you're right. She's played with fire, and sadly she must die by fire."

When the adult druid (Cerdan) accompanying Mordred is killed (Episode 8), Arthur objects afterwards! On his own! While Arthur is sometimes an active participant in Uther's tyranny and otherwise complicit, he's been told all of his life that magic is inherently evil and corrupting, he was raised by the very man spreading this hateful philosophy, he should probably hate magic more than anyone after Uther, and yet he still disagrees with Uther's methods and judgments. Even though Uther is apparently VERY willing to lock both his son (Episode 4) and his ward (Episode 8) in the dungeons for disagreeing with him and disobeying him!

ARTHUR: The Druid was only in Camelot to collect supplies. He meant no harm. Is it necessary to execute him?

UTHER: Absolutely necessary. Those who use magic cannot be tolerated.

ARTHUR: The Druids are a peaceful people.

UTHER: Given the chance, they would return magic to the kingdom. They preach peace, but conspire against me. We cannot appear weak.

ARTHUR: Showing mercy can be a sign of strength.

UTHER: Our enemies will not see it that way. We have a responsibility to protect this kingdom. Executing the Druid will send out a clear message. Find the boy. Search every inch of the city.

Obviously, running a kingdom is complicated! Uther apparently won Camelot by conquest and is in conflict with many of the neighboring kings, including Odin and Cenred, and likely has more of the respect of the local nobility than young Arthur does. Uther's death would create some instability! (Agravaine de Bois hasn't been created yet, but let's assume there are many other potential vultures.)

But the show generally isn't pushing that angle. This isn't really about smooth transitions of power. Personally, concerning Arthur's "lack of judgment", I do find his ready conviction that it is his duty to die for Camelot's honor if necessary (he says as much to Merlin explicitly before fighting Valiant in Episode 2, then again before fighting the Black Knight in Episode 9) more than a little concerning, but that doesn't seem to be angle pushed here either.

The show has characters (Merlin, Gwen, Gaius) suggesting that offing the King, who regularly kills innocent people whether they have magic or not, who has forbidden use of the tool that might have saved innocent people from Nimueh's plague or the wraith of Tristan de Bois, would be wrong! It would be murder and murder is bad! It would make (in the words of a grieving Gwen) her "just as bad" as him.

Even though Merlin has at this point already killed Aulfric and Sophia (Episode 7), as well as Mary Collins (Episode 1) because they were trying to kill Arthur. And arguably got an assist with Valiant (Episode 2). And will kill many more as the show goes on. This conversation with Kilgharrah in S1 E14 is in many ways so, so funny:

KILGHARRAH: Well, young warlock, what is it you come to ask of me?

MERLIN: I need your help.

KILGHARRAH: Of course you do, but this time, will you heed my words?

MERLIN: The sorcerer Tauren is plotting to kill the King. He's made an ally of Morgana. I don't know what to do!

KILGHARRAH: Do… nothing.

MERLIN: What do you mean? If I do nothing, Uther will die.

KILGHARRAH: Don't you want Uther dead? It is Uther that persecutes you and your kind, Merlin. It is Uther that murders the innocent…

MERLIN: But surely that doesn't make it right to kill him.

KILGHARRAH: Only if Uther dies can magic return to the land. Only if Uther dies will you be free, Merlin. Uther's reign is at an end. Let Arthur's reign begin. Fulfil your destiny!

[The dragon flies off.]

MERLIN: Wait! Where does it say my destiny includes murder?

KILGHARRAH: Free this land from tyranny, Merlin! Free us all!

I feel for Kilgharrah here. He was VERY straightforward. I don't know how he could have been clearer about this.

I won't say that Merlin's character writing doesn't make ANY sense here (I do think the character writing in this show is NOT amazingly consistent), because... he IS being influenced by Gaius, who is, unfortunately, a bootlicker and also probably extremely traumatized by all of the death he's seen (big contributor of the bootlicking) (also, apparently Gaius only becomes a "freeman" at the end of Episode 6, so there's that). And Merlin is also being heavily influenced by Arthur, who loves his father, despite everything. For Arthur's sake, if no one else's, Merlin will go out of his way to save Uther. Sure! That tracks!

Merlin spends a lot of time in this show protecting a terrible status quo under some assumption that Camelot will... somehow suddenly become better under Arthur? Instead of perhaps eventually just trusting Arthur and talking to him after their years of knowing each other? There are several, in-world reasons for this and I don't think they're all unrealistic! It's tense! It's thrilling sometimes!

(Though I am ultimately a little annoyed that Merlin's many secrets never really come out and get dealt with by the characters, because that would have been fun drama and some resolution to all the tension, even if the story did still end in death.)

There's some tasty tragedy in this silly show, in many ways. Merlin is confused and conflicted and scared and without clear guidance in many ways. Kilgharrah is mysterious and not at all reassuring. Gaius is complacent and (very reasonably) incredibly secretive. Merlin doesn't get to see many of the moments where Arthur speaks up for magical people and tries to talk Uther down. Morgana and Arthur are both stuck here in a "The hands that cradled you are covered in an unimaginable amount of blood." "But they cradled me, yes?" nightmare scenario. (There's also a sexist element where male characters like Gaius and Merlin won't let Morgana know about her own powers "for her own good" in a gaslight-y way that's fascinating to me in how it creates a villain.)

But, also, the compelling tragic elements here don't make certain episodes any less frustrating to watch in their execution. (I don't think villains being frustrating to watch or read necessarily makes them effective villains, especially when what I really find annoying here is the heroes' reactions to the villain. Uther has killed SO MANY PEOPLE! FOR NO REASON!) Especially when a lot of the overall results of this show often feel more accidental than purposeful. I do understand why the writers keep Uther around! He's a formidable antagonist to have looming all over the place and the actor is fun.

But OOF, I felt that "Do... Nothing".

Merlin! MERLIN! LISTEN TO THE SCARY DRAGON! MERLIN, REMEMBER THAT TIME UTHER TRIED TO BURN GWEN ALIVE??? JUST BECAUSE GWEN IS TOO NICE TO GO AFTER UTHER WITH A KNIFE AND TAKE REVENGE, IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY MEAN KILLING HIM MAKES YOU "JUST AS BAD"!!! MERLIN!!! YOU HAVE ALREADY MURDERED MULTIPLE PEOPLE WHO KILLED WAY LESS PEOPLE THAN UTHER!!!

In Episode 4, Morgana says to Uther: "You can't chain [Arthur] up every time he disagrees with you." This implies to me that Uther has had Arthur thrown in the dungeons before. In Episode 3, Arthur says to Morgana: "Father will slam us both in chains if he knew I'd endangered you," and maybe he wasn't at all joking with that? Arthur is rattling the bars of his cell here, apparently fairly ready to be aimed wherever Merlin points him, bucking against being aimed at innocents by his tyrant of a father.

But nooo, Gaius says Arthur is "not ready yet" because...??? He seems less hotheaded than Uther to me, honestly. Are his tax policies not up to par yet? You can hire a guy for that. Suggesting that Arthur would be in any way worse than His Majesty "Anyone Who Talks To A Sorcerer Gets Executed Even If They Didn't Know They Were A Sorcerer" feels quite mean to Arthur, really. I think he'd do alright, in comparison, Gaius who lies to the King every single day, but I suppose you sometimes want to be a loyal friend to good ol' King "Made Merlin Drink Poison That One Time And Wouldn't Let Anyone Go Get The Cure". Good for you. Bad for everyone else.

Like, I know, I know this show is not very deep. I like that all of the characters are flawed and fumble a lot! I even kind of enjoy that it ultimately ends in death with so many loose emotional threads. It is a weekly burst of fantasy nonsense that is not especially concerned with consistency in worldbuilding or characters from episode to episode. But the executive discrepancies here are, like the ones in "Star Wars", weirdly fascinating with all of the holes and wobbly bits it creates.

This show: "Yes, our hero has once again saved the tyrannical king who kills innocents! Preventing the oblivious prince from assuming the throne and trying to do better as he so clearly wants to do! Good work, Merlin, taking the high road (which involved murdering the rightfully angry people trying to kill the tyrannical king) again!"

Me, every time: "...I am genuinely not sure how the show wants us to interpret this. What did they think they were doing with this? Was this always meant to be a tragedy from the first season? Because personally, I'm getting some kind of tragedy from this."

[thisisjustmefangirling]

Merlin rewatch 1x04

That Camelot red vs Mercian blue is very Capulet vs Montague

Merlin admits the ways of the court are a mystery to him. Merlin, baby. You need étiquette training. Have someone teach you. Please.

Arthur, that outfit you put Merlin in is ridiculous, but also... a bit too put together for a servant ? It's not just the hat... Merlin is wearing a cape !

Merlin having a crush on Nimueh and thinking she's as beautiful as a princess is sweet 💕

Merlin making accusations without proof, in front of everybody, AGAIN.

Arthur accusing him of being an idiot and drinking, again, to save his ass and the relationship with the Mercians

Uther is ruthless and unfair here. Bayard was willing to prove his goodwill by drinking out of the goblet but looks like Uther decided that poisoned cup or not, Merlin would suffer from the outcome, either by being poisoned or being punished for lying.

Arthur protests, because he may be a royal prat but he's not like his father.

"Merlin, apologise. This is a mistake ! I'll drink it". Arthur 🥺

ARTHUR IS THE FIRST ONE GETTING TO MERLIN WHEN HE CRUMBLES UNDER THE EFFECT OF THE POISON

Morgana grabs a knife when everybody draws their sword ! I love her. I wish she hadn't been turned into such a villain.

The Mortaeus flower is guarded by an awful magical beast and Arthur goes "Sounds like fun" and immediately decides to go save his servant's life

The next scene between Uther and Arthur is really good at showing the difference between them. Arthur starts questioning his father and they both reveal their values. Uther doesn’t care who dies because to him the life of the future King of Camelot is worth more than a servant's. Arthur refuses to stand by and watch, especially since to his knowledge, Merlin has saved his life twice already. "Then don't watch", Uther says.

Morgana is GREAT here. She wanted to fight Bayard's men with a LADLE ?

"Spare me the lecture, I've already had it from Uther". Uther's kids are just really good at opposing him 😆

"Sometimes you've got to do what you think is right, and damn the consequences". "What kind of King would Camelot want ? One that would risk his life to save that of a lowly servant or one who does what his father tells him to ?" I love seeing Arthur being challenged and growing into the King he will be.

"He's getting hotter" The innuendos in that episode are comiiiiing.

Merlin speaking 💫 magic language 💫 in front of Gwen. I wish she had put two and two together before the finale...

Morgana makes me laugh ! She defies Uther and defends Arthur.

Funny how Uther sees his son as "just a boy" and Morgana goes "Have you seen your son recently ?" And tells him he's old enough to make up his own mind and have his own experience of the world. Is Morgana still Arthur's older sister in this story ? She would be older than him then.

Merlin moaning Arthur's name as he lays dying and feverish is gay. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

The idea of Nimueh as a pretty wounded woman in the forest is a great throwback to the original Arthurian texts, where young maidens were often on the way of knights as temptations or traps, steps in their quests.

Hell yeah Arthur's wrist move with his sword !!!!!!

You slay that cocatris by THROWING your sword !?

"Arthur, it's a trap". Merlin, he sadly can't hear you ! I wish they had shared a telepathic connection, it would have been so useful sometimes.

Though... How the fuck can Merlin see him and what is going on ?

Arthur's... pauldron (?) Is decorated ? I had never noticed before.

Arthur manages to slay a big spider with one hand while the other is hanging on to that rock for dear life. Impressive, indeed.

"It is not your destiny to die at my hand" please Ma'am it's only season one, I am NOT ready for season five and its pain.

"Go on, then ! Finish me off" Arthur has always been brave in the face of his potential own death.

That blue light seems so gentle and warm, and the music is epic.

"Leave them (the flowers)" Merlin stop being so selfless and let Arthur save your life, the flowers are RIGHT THERE.

"Faster! Faster! Climb ! Follow the light!" Once again, he can’t hear you... and how do you even know what is happening to Arthur ? Why doesn’t it happen again later ?

"Inform the King ! Arthur has returned to Camelot". Who the fuck are you to not call him PRINCE Arthur ?

I wish Arthur's red shirt looked fancier, nothing about it indicates he's royalty.

"Gaius knows what to do with it [the flower]. Put me in the stocks for a week, a month even, I don't care. Just make sure it gets to him. I'm begging you". Arthur cares so much about Merlin 🥺

Uther truly doesn’t give a fuck about Merlin's life... He saved his son twice, he is Gaius' apprentice, and he crushed that flower, in an attempt to teach his son that "there is a right and a wrong way of doing things" and he shouldn't be disobeyed. Asshole. "I'll see that you're let out in a week and then you can find yourself another servant". Servants are all replaceable to him.

Gwen shows then that even though she seems shy, she is also brave.

Arthur using the pretense of his own well-known arrogance to get the flower to Merlin by refusing the food Gwen brings him... yes King ❤️

"We're not all as precious as Her Royal Highness" that guard walked so Gwaine could run with his "princess".

"The poison was created using magic, we might need to use magic to create the antidote" dude that's just exposition at this point, you could have tricked Gwen into leaving without saying anything

You can tell Gaius hasn’t used magic in two decades... he may care about Merlin but he's a two faced bitch.

Merlin's heart has stopped and was probably restarted because his magic won’t let him die.

Gwen kissing him haha

Uther pisses me off so much omg, he seems this close to getting angry when Gaius asks him for a minute of his time. His arrogance is worse than his son's, because there is no changing him.

"She's a powerful sorceress, she can enchant the eye that beholds her". Such an interesting concept ! No need to change your face, you just make people believe they are looking at someone else.

Morgana looks so soft. I love her dresses.

Arthur seems changed by this experience. He's uncharacteristically humble in that scene at the top of the castle.

"I'm glad you're back" they were already like siblings... if only we could have kept that dynamic between them...

Uther, you chicken and liar, not telling your son the truth about Nimueh...

"You did the right thing, even though you were disobeying me. I'm proud of you, Arthur. Never forget that". Damn for once Uther is doing something right. Arthur better remember that moment, indeed.

Arthur goes to check on Merlin 💕 Like "omg are you alright Merlin ? Barely alive ? I still wait for you to be there tomorrow morning when I wake up because looks like after only four episodes I can't imagine my life without you in it anymore."

"Arthur ? Thank you"; "You too". WHAT IS THAT OH MY GOD SO HE HAS ACTUALLY THANKED MERLIN BEFORE THE DAY HE DIED ????

Arthur is so soft for Merlin omg <3

I don't understand why Nimueh wanted to kill Merlin when he is Emrys and is supposed to bring magic back to Camelot and free magic users...

Aaaaand in the next episode we will meet Lancelot. 😊

[zykamiliah]

Arthur IS coming back, because there's no evidence to the contrary, and Avalon is another world, not a tower on a piece of grass

Maybe I'm in denial, and correct me if I'm wrong, but what does Arthur being the Once and Future King has to do with what the Disir/the triple goddess said? Yeah they let Mordred live so he would kill Arthur in his first life. Doesn't say anything about the future. It's like if you took Merlin's Emrys title away just because he failed, which definitely didn't happen. The Disir basically said "accept magic or perish (in this life)"

I reread the script for The Disir episode and:

OSGAR

It is both judgement and fate. You have waged war on the people of the Old Religion. Now the ancient gods answer you. The Disir have spoken. The circle of fate begins to close. For even as Camelot flowers, the seeds of her destruction are being sown.

ARTHUR

What nonsense is this?

OSGAR

It is not too late, Arthur. Not too late to find the true path. Redeem yourself. No further chance shall be given.

Arthur is being offered a "true path", which if you ask me it's pure rhetoric. Of course, to the one speaking, their side's beliefs are always the true path. We'll get to what "the true path" is all about later.

The first thing Merlin and Arthur do, naturally, is go to Gaiuspedia to learn about the The Disir. This is what he says:

GAIUS

The highest court of the Old Religion. Three women were chosen at birth to be trained as seers and soothsayers. Their only task was to interpret the word of the Triple Goddess. When they sat in judgement, their word was final.

Interpret. I n t e r p r e t. They see visions and make their own judgment. This are just highly trained seers like Morgana who are given the authority to speak in the name of the Triple Goddess. Their word was final because as we've been shown, most visions are pretty inevitable. You can change what happens after, but what the vision shows is pretty much set in stone no matter how much you try to avoid it.

Fun fact: there's never a vision of Arthur being the high king of Camelot, or repelling the ban on magic. What visions were shown though? Arthur's death at Mordred's hand. In s1, Arthur drowned by Sophia. In s3, the whole thing with the dagger and Morgana almost dying. Gwen getting crowned. Things that actually happened no matter how much the opposing parties tried to thwart fate.

GAIUS

(...)It is said that only the gods can alter a man’s fate… And even then, only when he repents and appeases them.

And if it is set on stone, what can the gods do? Obviously perform a deux ex machina. In this case it would be to kill Mordred, which prevents Morgana learning about who Emrys is. Camlann still would happen, Merlin would just be there from the start of the battle.

KILGHARRAH

You were right to summon me, Merlin. The Disir are the mouthpiece of the Triple Goddess. It is she who has decreed Arthur’s fate.

MERLIN

What is it to be?

KIILGHARRAH

The runemark predicts Arthur’s death.

MERLIN

When? When will Arthur die?

KILGHARRAH

The future is never clear, Merlin. You should know that by now. There are many paths. Not all lead to Camelot’s ruin.

Kilgharrah summs up what the Disir will tell Arthur later: that this path is most likely leading to Arthur's death (in this life) and Camelot's ruin. (Still no mention of his "second" life)

2nd DISIR

Embrace the ways of the Old Religion, Arthur. Or risk the ire of the Goddess.

3rd DISIR

The destruction of everything you most value.

2nd DISIR

The end of your reign.

3rd DISIR

The fall of Camelot itself.

The Disir's ultimatum is as I said before: Arthur can either accept the old Religion or lose everything. I doesn't states or implies anything about his status as the Once and Future King.

1st DISIR

The future holds much pain and suffering for you, Arthur Pendragon.

2nd DISIR

For you and your people.

3rd DISIR

If you wish to save all you hold dear.

2nd DISIR

If you wish to save your kingdom.

1st DISIR

Embrace the Old Religion.

2nd DISIR

Learn her ways.

3rd DISIR

Bow to the Goddess.

The future they've seen, which is the same that Merlin was shown a part of, are the visions of Arthur dying in Camlann and Camelot falling. The future that's pretty much set in stone and could only be prevented by divine intervention. That's what the Disir are offering in exchange for keeping Mordred dead. Because if he doesn't, this path will lead him to the destruction of his kingdom, the loss of his loved ones, and his own death. The "true path", one of many as Kilgharrah said, would be one that met the Disir's demands.

ARTHUR

(...) I cannot do as you ask.

2nd DISIR

Consider carefully, Arthur Pendragon.

3rd DISIR

This is your last chance to save all that is dear to you.

1st DISIR

It will not come again.

Does any of this has anything to do with the Once and Future King deal? Do they imply anything that's not directly related to the immediate future and the battle of Camlann? No. It's about what he can do to save his kingdom now, in this life.

3rd DISIR

You have made your decision.

2nd DISIR

Sealed your fate.

1st DISIR

And that of your kingdom.

(Script Source)

Sorry Arthur Pendragon, you didn't accept the bargain. No Deux ex Machina for you. This is why he condemned himself. This is why he's his own bane, because he made this decision.

The Disir's judgment is about the destiny of Camelot, about his own fated death. It has nothing to do with his second coming. If the Triple Goddess or the Disir power could alter fate to such extent, they could have done something about that unfaithful Emrys who was, seemingly, no friend of the Old Religion. But they can't. They can't take his powers away for good. They can't sway him on their favor, much as they resent that. Even if he failed in bringing the golden era, Merlin is Emrys and always will be. And because they are two sides of the same coin, linked by destiny, for better or worse, Arthur will always be the Once and Future King. Nor The Triple Goddess nor the Disir can take that from them. It's what they are, their birthright, their magic.

[emachinescat]

The Day that Camelot Forgot

A Merlin Fan-Fiction

by @emachinescat ​

@febuwhump​ day 24 - memory loss

Summary: A vengeful Morgana casts a powerful curse on Camelot on the day Merlin is named Court Sorcerer, making everyone in the citadel forget that Merlin – and his impact on their lives – exists. She can only maintain the spell for one day, but twenty-four hours is more than enough time for the warlock to get himself into some serious trouble.

Characters: Merlin, Arthur, the knights, Gaius, Morgana is mentioned

Words: 6,444

TW: anxiety attacks, burning at the stake, main character near-death

Note: This story is a bit late, as it was meant to be published on day 24 of Febuwhump, but I got sick, and missed a few days.  I did post the first half of it on Tumblr on the 24th, but this is the finished product. I am seriously considering writing a sequel, because there are definitely a lot of ramifications that I gloss over here, a lot of angsty, whumpy stuff that I could (and most likely will) expand upon in another story. But I'll let you read the story for yourself, and see if you're interested in a sequel! 

Keep reading here, or on AO3!

If you enjoy, please consider liking, commenting, and re-blogging, and you can follow me for more content like this! :)

Merlin woke up to a broom head hitting him in the face, which was not how he expected his first day as Court Sorcerer to start.

An indignant squawk escaped him as he rolled off of his bed in an effort to escape the assault. He already had an insult for Arthur on his lips when his bleary eyes cleared and he realized that it had not been the king at all who had woken him in such a manner. It was Gaius, and he was poised to strike again.

"Gaius!" Merlin stammered, scrambling to his feet and dodging another blow from the broom. "What the hell are you doing that for?"

Gaius didn't answer. Instead, looking as mean and ornery as Merlin had ever seen him, the old physician demanded, "How did you get in here?"

Merlin cocked his head to one side, completely nonplussed. "I… live here? I remember turning Arthur's offer for new chambers down so I could stay and care for you – OW!"

Gaius had hit him again. "Who are you?" he all but growled.

Merlin blinked. "Gaius, you know me," he insisted, his heart hammering out his uncertainty at the pulse point in his neck. Something was wrong; Gaius might be cantankerous for his old age, and he might have enjoyed the odd joke at Merlin's expense, but never something like this.

Merlin tried again. "Gaius, it's me… Merlin." When Gaius only glared at him distrustfully from beneath two gnarled eyebrows, he added hopefully, "You know… Hunith's son?"

To his relief, recognition lit in his mentor's eyes at the mention of Merlin's mother, but distrust immediately replaced it. "I have known Hunith all of her life," Gaius said, voice low and measured, broom still held at the ready. "But she has no son."

Real fear exploded in Merlin's chest – fear for Gaius, not for himself. There was only so much Gaius could do with a broom, but if he was forgetting Merlin so suddenly and so completely…

"Ah, I'm sorry," Merlin said as calmly as possible, raising his hands in front of him to show he meant no harm. "My mistake. I'll … get out of your hair."

He darted out of his room, across the physician's main chamber, and out the door, leaving a confused and agitated Gaius in his wake. Merlin prayed that the old physician wouldn't get himself into too much trouble while he was gone, and then darted for Arthur's chambers.

***

He ran into Gwaine on the way – literally, he ran headfirst into the knight, so distracted by Gaius's sudden and dramatic loss of memory. At first he wasn't sure whose ridiculously muscular torso he'd bumped into, and despite his worry, he couldn't help but grin when he saw the bearded face glaring down at him in surprise.

Wait…

Glaring?

Merlin stumbled back.

"Watch where you're going, friend," Gwaine said in response. The way he spoke sent a wave of wrongness down Merlin's spine. He had called Merlin friend, but it was a vague, generalized term. When Gwaine normally called Merlin his friend, the word was saturated with warmth and shone with the light of a dozen charming grins. Now, it meant nothing. And when Merlin looked up into his friend's dark eyes, there was no recognition there. No smile that Merlin had come to understand as reserved especially for the knight's closest friends. Gwaine's eyes landed on him, flashed in brief annoyance, and then skirted off of him almost nearly as quickly.

"Gwaine?" Merlin asked, irritated at the uncertainty in his own voice.

Gwaine, who had already started sauntering away, turned back with a puzzled expression. For just a moment, Merlin was sure that kind, mischievous face was going to open up in an eyes-to-mouth smile like it always did upon seeing him, but then the brow furrowed, and Gwaine asked, "Do I know you?"

Merlin opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He stood there, gaping like a fool, his whole body coiled as if ready to spring into action, limbs numb, fingers trembling, fear wrapping its constricting tendrils around his chest.

Gwaine gave Merlin an odd look, then shrugged. "Maybe we drank together once."

Merlin nodded weakly, remembering not just once, but many times he and the man before him had gone to the tavern together, often with the rest of the knights, sometimes even the king, in tow. He thought of laughter, and promises of friendship and loyalty, and tavern songs and Gwaine standing on top of a table doing a clumsy jig. He thought of the first time they'd gone to the tavern after learning of Merlin's magic, how Gwaine had asked him a million questions that had gotten more idiotic with every drink. ("No, Gwaine, I have never tried to transplant my nose into the center of a rose to see if flowers can smell themselves.")

By the time he had resurfaced from the barrage of memories that Gwaine had forgotten and that Merlin now clung to with a new ferocity, the knight had gone.

Feeling distinctly sick, Merlin resumed his trek to Arthur's chambers, noticing with fresh terror that every person he passed either didn't acknowledge him at all, or gave him a second, bewildered glance like they'd never seen him before, like he had no right being where he was – being in his home.

***

Arthur didn't remember him, either.

Merlin was so near panic when he got to the king and queen's chambers that he almost forgot to knock. Knocking was never something Merlin had been particularly adept at remembering to do, especially when it came to his duties to Arthur, but since the king had married Gwen, Merlin had made sure to amend his habits. There were some things that Merlin absolutely did not want to walk in on, and besides, he respected Gwen too much to risk barging in on her unannounced.

It was Arthur who answered the door, and Merlin was so flustered that he didn't wait for an invitation to enter (when did he ever, though?), and he squeezed his way into the room past the king. Gwen was nowhere to be seen.

"Thank the gods you're here, Arthur," Merlin huffed as he bustled in. "Something very weird is going on. Gaius and Gwaine are acting like they don't know me, like they've never seen me in their lives!"

He turned around to face his friend. To his surprise, Arthur's hand was on the hilt of his sword at his hip, and suspicion rolled off of him in waves. "Who the hell are you?" he asked flatly, blue eyes flashing with an intensity reserved for those who wished to do him, his kingdom, or his loved ones harm.

Merlin had been expecting a joke like this. Arthur was never one to pass up an opportunity to tease his former servant, soon-to-be Court Sorcerer. The dry retort, "Very funny, Sire," died before it could escape his mouth, though, because when he looked at his king, his best friend, he saw no glimmer of recognition. No familiarity. No kindness or warmth or irritated indulgence. Arthur's face was that of a man who had just had a complete stranger barge into his room and started talking to him like they were old acquaintances – which, Merlin was beginning to realize, was exactly what had happened from the king's point of view.

Merlin swallowed heavily and entreated, "Arthur … King Arthur. Please tell me that you know me." Desperation clawed at his throat and infected his next plea. "Please."

Arthur didn't speak, didn't relax his grip on his sword hilt, but he didn't draw the weapon either, which Merlin thought had to be a good sign. Finally, after several long, tense moments, Arthur responded in a slow, cautious tone, "I'm sorry. I have never seen you before in my life. What business do you have with me?"

Merlin's world, everything he knew and understood and loved, crumbled around him in that moment. He staggered back, managed to stay upright by pure strength of will alone. What the hell was going on? The familiar sting of tears pressed against the back of his eyes, and he only managed to keep himself from crying by sheer stubbornness. He took a deep, steadying breath, made a conscious effort to look as non-threatening as possible, and tried very hard not to panic.

"Okay," he said, and his voice shook, so he tried again. "Okay." This time, his voice was steadier. Arthur's glare pounded into him from across the room, and knew that the king's already thin patience was running out. "Something very wrong is happening in Camelot," the sorcerer began.

Arthur interrupted him. "I agree," he said pedantically. "There's a strange man in my chambers."

"I'm not – I am, or I was, your servant."

"My servant's name is George."

Merlin couldn't help it. He groaned. "George? The one who makes jokes about brass? He's your servant in this hellish version of Camelot?"

Arthur sent Merlin a look that was almost pitying. "You are obviously very confused," he said in a surprisingly gentle tone. "But I am king of Camelot, and you have no right to be in my personal chambers. Go now, and I will think nothing more of this intrusion. If you do not, then I will have to treat you as a threat, and call the guards."

Merlin shook his head, unwilling to let this go. In the span of a single morning, his entire reality, the world he and Arthur had worked so hard to build and the future that they were about to step into, his new position as Court Sorcerer, his friendship with Arthur, everything, had been ripped away from him. He had to figure out what could have caused this to happen. He didn't have to think long – who was out there with enough power to make what seemed like the entire citadel forget he existed? Who was angry and envious and vindictive enough to take away everyone he loved on the very day that the culmination of his and Arthur's dreams were finally taking shape?

Even as Arthur stepped forward, hand tightening on the hilt of his sword, preparing to draw it, Merlin blurted, "It has to be Morgana!"

All the color drained out of Arthur's face in an instant. He stood there, frozen, a horrible expression of pain manifesting in his eyes. "How dare you speak of my sister," the king growled, and Merlin actually backed up a few steps, bumping into the end table that he'd polished more times than he could count.

"I know she's a difficult subject to talk about," Merlin managed, striving to keep his voice steady as the grief in Arthur's eyes turned to fury. "But it's the only explanation. Morgana must have cast a curse on the citadel – you have to let me go find her, please, and I can stop this, and the world can go back to normal."

Arthur drew his sword now, and Merlin had no more room to retreat. He stood before his king, his closest friend, his muscles aching from the tension gripping his body, his heart pumping so fast and hard he could feel the flutter in his chest. "Arthur, please–"

"I am your king!" the man who had Arthur's face but spoke like his father spat. "You will address me as such! And how dare you insinuate that the Lady Morgana was a sorceress! What vile game are you playing?"

Merlin's head spun; he had no idea what was going on, how Arthur was currently seeing the world, but he did know for certain now that Morgana was behind it. The reverence and love with which the king said his half-sister's name could only come from a delusion the sorceress in question had placed there. Then something Arthur had said hit home. "What do you mean 'was'?"

The expression on the king's face was faintly nauseated, as if he were being forced to remember something that he had hidden away deep inside, or as if he were actively fighting the urge to cut Merlin down on the spot. Either scenario felt entirely wrong and filled Merlin with a sense of dread. "My sister is dead," Arthur said flatly. "She who would have been queen – should have been queen." Oh, yes, Morgana was definitely behind this, Merlin thought wryly. It was bad enough she had these sick delusions in the first place, but to force everyone in Camelot to play a part in them was equally terrifying and sad. "Struck down by a sorcerer in cold blood."

Merlin flinched at the way Arthur spat the word sorcerer. It had been years since he had heard the title said with such hatred and derision, and never had he heard this level of malevolence for magic-users come from Arthur's mouth. After everything they had been through together, after the joy of watching their prophesied destiny unfold before his very eyes, after hearing Arthur accept his magic and plan to officially declare him Court Sorcerer, hearing the title that Arthur had so often spoken of with pride slide out of that same mouth slicked with hatred hurt. But Merlin reminded himself of the truth – this wasn't Arthur, not really; somehow he was being fed false memories – and he squared his shoulders and looked his king right in the eyes.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he said solemnly. Arthur's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Merlin hoped it was a good sign. "But Arthur – your highness – I need you to listen to me, please. I can explain everything. I can try, at least. But your memories aren't what you think they are. Morgana is alive and… very well, considering the power of this enchantment."

"My sister was murdered by magic, and yet you still insist that she is the evil enchantress!" Arthur fumed, and Merlin felt like he was talking to a stone wall, or even more deaf and unyielding, Uther Pendragon. He very seriously considered knocking Arthur out with magic and tucking him away safely in a wardrobe somewhere while he himself went to deal with the sorceress who had caused all this trouble. But Merlin could sense Arthur, the real Arthur, somewhere beneath the surface of those familiar-but-foreign eyes, and he was sure he could break the spell without having to go to the source. Merlin was Arthur's dearest friend, the king had said this himself (and yes, it still counted even if Arthur had been incredibly drunk after a night in the tavern with Gwaine when he said it). And Merlin knew Arthur better than anyone else, save the queen.

I can reach him, he reassured himself. Arthur is still in there, somewhere. I just have to find him. And once he's back to himself, I can deal with Morgana.

"Please, sire," Merlin said, putting every bit of sincerity he could muster into his words. "Just… let me tell you my side of the story. Let me remind you of who I am, and who you truly are. I am your friend, Arthur, and you have said yourself that I am the most stupidly loyal man you have ever had the displeasure to meet." A desperate chuckle lilted his last few words.

"You have two minutes."

"Um, there's a lot to cover, actually," Merlin responded. "Can I have a bit longer, because I don't think–"

"One and half minutes."

"Okay, okay, I'll stick to the basics!" And so Merlin gave Arthur the quickest and most condensed version of their friendship and history he could cobble together in less time than it usually took to exchange greetings with his king in the morning.

He ended with, "And so you see, it makes sense that Morgana would want to sabotage this occasion, because it marks the beginning of a new era that she desperately wants to be a part of but is too bitter and proud to humble herself and change for. She wants to tear us apart, wants you to do something that you'll later regret. But I know you're stronger than this, Arthur. I know that you remember me, deep down. The life you're living isn't yours. Your memories aren't yours. They belong to Morgana, but your mind does not." A strange, almost trance-like mask had descended over Arthur's face while Merlin spoke, and hope started budding in the warlock's chest – he was so close to breaking through, he could feel it.

"So," Merlin prompted, when Arthur did not immediately respond. "Do you remember? Have you realized the truth, sire?"

Slowly, Arthur nodded, and the dazed quality to his eyes cleared up in an instant. "Yes," he murmured. Merlin allowed his eyes to close momentarily in relief; his body sagged against the table at his back. Thank the gods, the nightmare was over. Now all that was left was to find Morgana and make sure nothing like this ever happened again.

But Arthur wasn't finished speaking, and the hardness had steeled his gaze once more, his lips set in a straight line and his jaw clenched and held high. "I have realized that I was a fool to think that you were a harmless vagrant with delusions of grandeur who wandered into the wrong part of the castle. I should never have opened the door for you."

"Arthur–"

"I am your KING!" Merlin snapped his mouth shut, tears once again prickling at the corner of his eyes. The injustice of the situation weighed as heavily on him as his destiny once had. "You are a sorcerer, an enemy of Camelot, here in an attempt to take down Camelot from the inside. But your spells and tricks and poisoned words will not work on me."

"But–"

"Guards!"

"You don't understand, I–"

"Guards!"

***

Elyan and Percival were the knights who dragged Merlin to the dungeons and threw him roughly into a cell. Then Percival clasped his wrists in shackles, which were chained to the floor. The door slammed shut with a metallic clang.

"Percival – Elyan!" Merlin called out as the knights that had only a week ago pledged their acceptance and loyalty to him as the soon-to-be Court Sorcerer and chief advisor to the king. "Please, you know me!"

"You'll die for your treachery, sorcerer," Elyan spat.

The left, and Merlin sank to the cold, damp stone floor, chains clinking. He drew his knees up to his chest, rested his aching head on them, and did his best to remember how to breathe.

***

Merlin wasn't sure how long he had been in the dungeon, but it had to have been a couple of hours at least. He hadn't eaten breakfast because the old man who usually prepared it for him had instead attacked him with a broom. Now, he was certain he had missed lunch too. His stomach growled at him in protest, but the hunger pangs meant nothing to Merlin. Even if the guards dropped off a meal fit for a king, he wouldn't be able to eat a bite. Everything had gone so wrong.

And now Merlin was at a loss of what to do. He could escape the dungeons easily, he knew, and go searching for Morgana. But there were so many uncertainties, a litany of what ifs that railed against him whenever he thought about breaking out of his chains and sending the cell door crashing into the guards holding a silent but hostile vigil on the other side. If indeed he could find Morgana and discover a way to reverse the curse, then it would, of course, be an easy fix. Merlin's failure to connect with Arthur and break the spell himself had planted a seed of self-doubt deeply within the soil of his mind, however, and now what he had been so sure of before he'd tried to fix things himself – that he would be able to hunt down Morgana and stop this madness with magic – seemed like a distant, unrealistic goal.

And if he did fail? If he could not find Morgana, or if she had managed to employ a magic far more powerful or strange than he currently knew how to counter? If he was unable to break the curse? Then Arthur would go on believing Merlin was the enemy, and Merlin would have forfeited any chance of reaching his friend by flouting the king's edict, attacking the guards, and breaking out of the castle.

Merlin had only been able to get through to Arthur in his other life, his real life, by showing the king over a period of years that magic was not something to be inherently feared, not something evil in and of itself. He had had to show the king through his own life and actions the truth about magic, so that when Arthur had at last learned of his secret, it was from Merlin's own lips and with nearly a decade of loyalty and friendship to back up Merlin's assurances that he had only ever used his gifts to protect Arthur and Camelot. Sure, Arthur had been angry at first, and hurt that Merlin hadn't trusted him, but he had come to an acceptance of Merlin's magic much more quickly than the warlock had imagined. King and servant had grown even closer in the wake of the truth, and soon after, Arthur had started drafting plans for making magic legal and had proposed the idea of Melin's being officially named Court Sorcerer.

But if Merlin was forced to start from scratch, to rebuild his relationship with the king – a possibility that pained him deeply but that he was more than willing to do, if it was the only way to get Arthur back and get their destiny on track – then it would not be wise to start that relationship off with a jailbreak. Then again, he argued against himself, neither was blurting out his secret to an Arthur who had already shown great disdain for magic and who held no memory of or loyalty toward Merlin at all. At this rate, maybe it was better to just take the risk and escape, because how in the name of the Triple Goddess was he supposed to convince Arthur of his loyalty if the king most likely planned to execute him for treason?

He almost made his escape then, but something stopped him. At first, he couldn't identity exactly what it was, just a feeling, an uncomfortable squirming in his gut that could have been the voice of destiny, or instinct, or, quite possibly, hunger. But either way, it bothered him enough that he held off on his plans to break out and examined the feeling more closely. Eventually, he realized – if he left Arthur now, especially in the state he was in, alone and unprotected and with Morgana out there somewhere with her eyes feasting hungrily on the citadel she so earnestly believed should be hers, he could be putting the king in more danger. If Merlin wasn't able to find Morgana in time, and she used his absence to ease her way into the citadel and onto the throne, which Arthur would readily give up to her in his current state.. With him under her influence, she could do whatever she wanted to him – kill him, imprison him, break his mind forever… and Merlin wouldn't be there to stop her.

With this thought, he decided to wait it out, and to see how events would unfold. He would not use his magic to defy Arthur or make his escape unless absolutely necessary. After all, he tried to assure himself, there was the very real possibility that Morgana would not be able to hold this powerful of a spell for long. She might be a priestess of the Old Religion, but even she had her limits. Perhaps her plan was to lure Merlin out to find her and then to use his absence to take Camelot for herself, but it was entirely possible that she only had a limited window of time to achieve her goal and that she was counting on Merlin to act on his emotions and search her out immediately.

Or maybe her plan was just to simply wreak havoc in Merlin's life for as long as she could. Either way, Merlin reasoned, her hold over the entirety of Camelot could not last forever. Sooner or later, her grip would weaken and Arthur and the rest of the citadel would wrest their way out of her control.

Merlin just had to survive until then.

***

He was unsure of how much time had passed when they came for him again. No one had brought him food, or water, and no one had come to visit him during his imprisonment, either. Merlin thought it was highly likely that Arthur had ordered any curious parties to stay away; the king had made it abundantly clear that he considered Merlin a dangerous threat. The fact that he had not been given even a hunk of stale bread or a flagon of water sent warning bells off in Merlin's mind – if this strange Arthur was anything like Uther had been, then he knew that he would be executed swiftly and without trial, and there was no need to feed a dead man.

Gwaine and Leon came to collect him. Leon unlocked the shackles and shoved him at Gwaine, who spat at his feet. "And to think I was kind to you this morning," he growled, and Merlin fought the urge to remind him that he hadn't exactly been kind, more indifferent. Gwaine roughly spun Merlin around, wrenched his hands behind his back so hard that pain sliced through his shoulder blades. Merlin felt his hands being bound tightly, expertly behind his back with course, thick rope. He reached into himself and felt his magic, alive, pulsing, ready to rise to his defense, and he took solace in it, but kept it at bay.

Not yet, he told himself.

But he was getting scared, and he was running out of options.

***

They shoved him to his knees before Arthur, who sat unyielding and terrible on his throne, a mirror image of his father. Merlin realized with a start that there was only one throne.

"Where's Gwen?" he asked. Now that he thought about it, the servant-turned-queen hadn't come up when Merlin had told his story to Arthur earlier, and the king had made no mention of his wife. In fact, he recalled with a start, none of Gwen's more domestic touches had been in Arthur's chamber.

Arthur stood, striding forward and looming over his prisoner. "You should have gagged him," he groused. "He doesn't know how to shut up." For a split second, Merlin thought that maybe the real Arthur was beginning to resurface – that was exactly something that he would say! Then he crossed his arms over his chest and asked irritably, "Who is Gwen? Your accomplice?"

"No, no," Merlin quickly assured him, not wanting to cause any trouble for Gwen, wherever she was. It was odd, he thought: Most elements of Camelot had stayed the same in Morgana's living nightmare, like the knights – even the non-noble ones, even Elyan, Gwen's brother, had remained as they were. But Arthur, in this version of reality, had never married Gwen. It made sense if he thought about it, though. Gwen had occupied the role that Morgana had believed was hers, had, in the witch's eyes, betrayed her trust and left her for the man that represented everything Morgana hated. Of course, Gwen wouldn't have her happy ending, her marriage to Arthur, with Morgana in charge. She was being punished as well. Merlin wondered if Gwen had been left with her memories of the real world like he had been, or if she was somewhere in Camelot, living and thinking as a maid when she really was a queen.

To Merlin's relief, Arthur didn't pursue the line of questioning any further. "I have talked this matter over with my council and advisors," he said in a measured voice. A burst of bitterness howled inside of Merlin – he had been named Arthur's chief advisor! He had been a part of the original council, the Knights of the Round Table, when Arthur had first brought them together! And now this illusion of Morgana's had stolen that away from him, too.

Not yet, he reminded his magic, as it raged and boiled and frothed inside of him. Be patient.

He might have been able to control his magic, but he could not keep his sarcasm completely in check: "And I am sure that in your discussion with the council, you all came to a completely fair and totally unbiased decision based on facts and not the unfounded prejudices of your father's rule."

He didn't know what he had been expecting, but it certainly was not Arthur's face flushing an angry red, nor the back of his hand smashing full-force into Merlin's cheek, snapping his head to the side violently. He felt one of the king's rings split the skin on his cheekbone, and thought for a breathless moment that the entire left side of his face had caved in.

He couldn't keep back the lone tear that crawled from the corner of his eye. It didn't come from pain or even shock – but a sense of gut-wrenching betrayal that he could not reason his way out of, even knowing that Arthur was not himself. Even in the state that Arthur was in, even knowing that the king would make plans to execute him, Merlin never anticipated Arthur himself becoming physically violent with him. Somehow, Arthur's hitting him was so much more of a betrayal than a death sentence.

Just. Wait. He didn't know how much longer he would be able to keep his magic from rising to his defense.

"You will learn your place, sorcerer," Arthur hissed. "When you burn. Take him; we light the pyre at first dawn."

***

Fear screamed through Merlin's body like a whirlwind, and coherent thought fled in the wake of his worst nightmares manifesting before him. He had been sure that Arthur would have chosen hanging or even the chopping block, but a pyre –

Merlin had grown up terrified of fires, horrified at the possibility of dying a brutal, torturous death, swallowed and ravaged by flames, all because he was born with magic. Because of who he was.

No one had been burnt at the stake in years in Camelot. Certainly not after Arthur became king. It was a barbaric practice, and even the worst war criminals and traitors were given a swift, merciful death. He had assumed that Arthur would continue that tradition.

But no, when he was dragged out into the courtyard – the sky was dark, but the air chilly and damp, heralding the approaching dawn – a great pyre had been constructed, and the rest of the knights – his friends – had gathered around, their faces lit eerily by the flickering flames of the torches they held at the ready. At least Gaius wasn't there.

You're not actually going to die, Merlin tried to remind himself, dragging desperately for air through his nose, his mouth blocked by his neckerchief that they'd dragged over his mouth in a bid to keep him from talking, or screaming, or just out of pure spite, Merlin didn't know. You can escape. You will escape, and find Morgana, and stop this. You can't delay any longer.

He drew himself up as tall as he could between Leon and Gwaine, calling his magic to his aid and –

He wasn't sure what happened, or how his friends-turned-enemies had guessed that he was about to try something – maybe he had given himself away somehow, maybe they had noticed the change in his stance or a shift in his energy, or maybe Morgana was interfering even now, ensuring that he would not escape his fate so easily. Whatever the reason, just as Merlin drew upon his magic, something blunt – a sword hilt? – crashed into the back of his skull, and everything was pain.

Agony ripped through his head, his neck, and crackled down his spine. Any grip Merlin had on his magic slipped through his fingers, and he fell forward, held semi-upright only by the knights escorting him to his death. He didn't lose consciousness, but he did lose all sense of control over his body and his magic, and the only thing that existed was pain. His stomach churned in time with the throbbing of his head, and his eyes were driven shut instinctively by the light of the torches before him.

The next few minutes passed in a state of distanced terror and pain. Merlin was acutely aware of the heaviness and agony of his head and the nausea in his gut. He also felt every spike of fear, every bit of helplessness, every scream that wanted to rise up from the most primal part of his being. And yet, at the same time, it was as if it was happening to someone else, and he could do nothing about it. Everything hurt and he was going to die and Arthur was going to burn him alive, his friends were going to light the pyre, and he would die in agony, and not even his magic could stop it, because he couldn't feel it, couldn't find it – he was magic itself, and yet it eluded his grasp, all that existed was pain and confusion and his head swam –

He felt, as if from a great distance, himself be hoisted onto the pyre. He felt the rough wood of the stake rub blisters into his tied hands as he was shoved against it, head lolling uselessly as if it belonged to someone else. He felt rope wrap around his torso, his legs, securing him to the pyre, and he tried to lift his head, which rested on his chest, tried to find his magic, but all he uncovered was fear and despair and pain.

He vaguely heard Arthur speaking from somewhere close by – or maybe it was from miles away. He did not understand the words but knew them to be a list of the supposed crimes Merlin had committed – being born with magic the chief of those. And then, far too soon, Arthur stopped talking, and Merlin sensed through his partially closed eyes the knights approaching with their torches, and he felt the warmth of the fire as those torches were lowered to the wood.

Merlin forced his eyes open, thrust his head up and looked at his friends, then beyond them, at Arthur. He maintained eye contact with his king, his brother, his best friend, even as the knights lit the pyre and he felt the heat begin to spread. Merlin didn't know if Arthur could hear him from this distance, if his words would be loud enough, strong enough, or if they would be caught up and consumed in the rising flames. It took every ounce of strength and concentration to push past the pain and call out, as loudly as he could, "I forgive you, Arthur."

And then, as the flames began licking at his feet, his boots, his clothes, something popped. I was as if the world itself had been out of joint, like a dislocated shoulder, and in that moment, the painful but satisfying second of release, it had snapped back into place. The air shifted, the world stopped spinning for the briefest of moments, and then, it clicked back into its rightful place.

The spell had been broken; Merlin could feel it in every fiber of his being – his magic cried out in relief, and it was only then that he realized that it hadn't been his head injury that had prevented him from fighting back, from escaping – it had been a last, desperate attempt by Morgana to get her revenge, to hide his magic away from him just long enough for him to die.

But she had failed. Her power, her hold and control, had finally given out on her, and Merlin felt his magic bubble back to the surface, and despite the pain and the fear, he summoned rain from a cloudless sky as the sun continued its golden ascent and put out the flames.

Around him, he heard yells, and cries, and his name was shouted from all directions, from the mouths of those he loved and trusted and who had very nearly killed him. But his head pounded, and he was so weak, and the fire was out. He slumped in his bonds, eyes fluttering shut, head dropping to his chest.

He didn't even feel the hands untie him. He didn't feel the knights gently lift his too-warm body from the pyre, didn't feel himself being carried into the castle and placed on a bed, didn't feel Arthur's tears of mingled guilt and relief splash onto his face.

He did, however, somehow, amidst the quiet and dark of unconsciousness, hear Arthur's voice cut through the silence, strong and familiar and real. "Gods, I – I'm so sorry, Merlin. My dearest friend, I–"

When he woke, Merlin would embrace his king, reassure him that no lasting harm had been done. He would smile at his friends, clasp hands with the knights and hug Gaius, find Gwen and make sure she hadn't suffered the same disorienting day that he had. He would answer all questions asked of him, and he would assure Arthur and the knights as many times as it took that he did not blame them, would explain Morgana's dark role in everything. He would find Morgana, and make sure that nothing like this would happen again.

When he woke, the world would be right. It wouldn't be normal – after everything that had been done to him, after all the betrayals, even though he didn't blame his friends, it would take a while for normal to come back around. But Merlin would persist, and he would have his friends – his real friends, with their real memories – to help him through it. As he would help them through the ramifications of their own pain, guilt, and regret.

And when he woke, he would be named the official Court Sorcerer of Camelot. He would be given a robe fine enough for a king, but he wouldn't care about that. All that would matter would be him, at Arthur's side, protecting him and fulfilling their destiny. That was how it had always been, and Merlin, when he woke, would look forward to a bright future of peace and hope.

But for now, he gratefully, peacefully slept, knowing that when he next opened his eyes, Camelot would remember.

[kairos-in-wonderland]

Day 3: Wait... What? “It’s Wednesday”

Unlike the first two days for @camelove2021 which were romantic, I chose to go with familial love for day 3, I hope you like it!

Relationships (all platonic): OC and Balinor, Balinor and Merlin, OC and Merlin

Trigger warnings: violence, death, grief

.

“Balinor!” Bellona called as she entered the cave, “I’m back from the markets, got you some fresh herbs. Where are you?” she looked around, but he was nowhere to be found. The fire that was usually burning in the centre of the cave was cold, not even the embers were glowing, and the sword that was usually propped against the wall had disappeared; she felt her chest tighten as she looked around at everything that was missing, “Balinor!” a sense of panic overwhelmed her, and she grabbed a dagger before rushing out of the cave.

As Bellona searched the forest surrounding their home and continually found nothing, she became more and more anxious, gripping her weapon tighter by the second. It was a couple hours before she found him, but it wasn’t what she expected. Balinor was laid against an old oak, eyes closed and arms laid across his chest with some flowers, “B-Balinor?” she mumbled, walking over to him and dropping to her knees. She tried to shake him awake but he wouldn’t stir so she muttered an incantation to wake him, “No… No!” tears spilled down her cheeks as she held him. Her mind was racing with a million thoughts of what could’ve happened – until she saw the stab wound, which could only mean one thing. Uther. Bellona let out a piercing scream, feeling her eyes burn with magic as trees and flowers flattened around her. He hadn’t deserved to die, he had done nothing wrong, but he had been killed.

She took him to the small clearing by their cave, where her parents had been buried almost twenty years before – sorcerers were not permitted marked graves but she created a small headstone when she buried him, but she did not have time to mourn. She gathered her belongings and set out for Camelot, running as fast as her legs could take her; grief, anger and adrenaline coursing through her. Bellona crossed the border into Camelot as the sun began to set and she could hear loud roars in the distance. She broke into a clearing as an enormous dragon rose into the sky and flew off; knights of Camelot were strewn across the ground with one figure stood in the middle of them. That’s when she saw him, the prince, and what better way to get revenge than to kill the son of her enemy? She drew her sword and ran towards him but the figure turned to her and her she saw something familiar in his eyes, “Who are you?” she asked.

“I’m Merlin,” he answered simply, “what were you going to do?”

“Take revenge on Uther, a son for a father,” she muttered, still not willing to lower her sword.

“I understand, but Arthur is a good man, he does not deserve to die for his father’s sins.”

“Well what if it was Arthur who killed him? I doubt Uther would’ve been hunting him, he probably went his son to do the job! If he’s such a good man then he’s probably the one who at least had the decency not to just leave him where he died!” she started to shake and her knees felt weak as she began to cry, “He may have been a dragonlord, but he did not deserve to die!”

“Y-Your father was a dragonlord?” Merlin asked, his voice wavering.

“Yes, he died long ago. And the man who raised me was one too – Balinor,” she said, and Merlin practically froze.

“Arthur did not kill Balinor,” he protested, and her eyes narrowed.

“How would you know?”

“Because I was there when he died,” he told her, tears welling in his eyes, “we had gone to seek his help. The three of us were on our way here when Cenred’s men attacked us, he died to save me.”

“Why you?” she questioned.

“I’m his son,” Merlin said, and she felt her throat close up, “I only found out days ago.”

“Y-You’re Hunith’s son?” he gave her a confused look, “He spoke of her often, the only woman he ever loved.”

“I understand you wanting revenge on Uther for this, he is the reason I grew up without a father, but killing him or Arthur would only make things worse for people like us,” Merlin implored, and Bellona nodded as she sunk to her knees, sobs shaking her body. Merlin knelt down in front of her, and she latched onto him as she cried, both of them taking a moment to share their grief, “Would you like to return to Camelot with us? I’m sure my friend Gwen would be able to give you a bed for a little while?”

“I-I don’t think I could, it would be difficult for me to conceal my magic. Besides, I-I don’t exactly work well in crowded spaces,” she mumbled, wiping her eyes.

“Well, how about you just stay for the night? And tomorrow I could take you to Ealdor,” he suggested, “what’s your name?”

“Bellona.”

“Well, Bellona, I’m sure that my mother would be more than happy to take you in. I think she needs the company to be honest,” they both let out a small laugh, “would you like to?”

“That sounds nice,” she grinned as Arthur began to stir. Merlin quickly stood and rushed over to him, Bellona following tentatively.

“What happened?” Arthur asked, his breathing shallow.

“You dealt him a mortal blow,” Merlin told him.

“He’s gone?”

“Yeah, you did it,” Merlin said, and Arthur began to laugh, loudly and full of relief, “you did it.” He helped Arthur up, and that’s when the latter noticed the new presence.

“Who are you?”

“This is Bellona, she’s a friend of mine from Ealdor,” Merlin lied, “she decided to come and visit, although it wasn’t exactly the right time.”

“I-It’s a pleasure to meet you, sire,” she mumbled, “I hope it would be okay for Merlin to come with me, back to Ealdor? His mother hasn’t seen him in ages.”

“Of course, yes. But for now, we need to get back to the castle. The Great Dragon is dead and my father needs to know,” Arthur led the way to the castle, and Bellona stayed behind him with Merlin.

“Why did you tell him that he’d killed Kilgharrah?” she whispered to Merlin.

“Because Kilgharrah is the last of his kind, if Uther knew that he survived then he’d send knights to try and kill him for good. Not only would it risk the death of the last dragon, but it would also endanger thousands of lives in the five kingdoms.”

“You should be proud of yourself, Merlin. You picked up the language of the dragons quicker than most could have.”

“Well, I have magic regardless of that, Kilgharrah told me when I first arrived in Camelot that it is my destiny to be one of the greatest sorcerers to ever live, to help Arthur unite the lands of Albion… I guess it just comes naturally,” he told her as they walked through the gates. A woman ran up to Arthur and embraced him as an older man walked over to Bellona and Merlin, hugging the latter. As they pulled back from the hug, the older man looked to Bellona in confusion.

“Merlin, who is this?”

“Uh, Bellona, this is Gaius, Gaius this is Bellona,” Merlin introduced.

“Oh, Gaius! Balinor spoke of you. He said you saved him from Uther during the Great Purge, thank you?”

“How do you know Balinor?”

“He raised her,” Merlin answered on her behalf, “she wasn’t there when me and Arthur got to the cave, but she had been living with him.”

“Does Arthur know of this?”

“He thinks that I’m a childhood friend of Merlin’s, from Ealdor,” Bellona answered.

“Good. Now, why don’t you come with Merlin and I to our chambers, we can arrange a bed for you while you’re here,” Gaius suggested.

“I’m going to go and talk to Gwen about that, I’ll see you there,” Merlin ran off after his friend, the woman who had hugged Arthur, and Bellona followed Gaius into the castle. Once they were in Gaius’ chambers, they both sat down to talk.

“How did you end up with Balinor?” Gaius asked her.

“He found me after Uther had my parents killed – he was a dragonlord and she was a druid,” she started, sighing, “he came to try and find my parents after he fled Ealdor. But the only living person was me, hiding under my bed. He took me in, raised me and taught me everything about the art of the dragonlords.”

“How old were you when they died?”

“Three. I was born at the beginning of the Great Purge and they managed to hide in Essetir, not far from Ealdor. Uther must’ve gotten word that there were two magical people hiding in Engerd when he was looking for Balinor because they were killed only a day or so before he found me.”

“But Merlin and Arthur didn’t see you when they went to find Balinor,” Gaius said, “how did you know he had died?”

“I’d gone to Engerd for some supplies and when I returned and he wasn’t there, there was no sign of life, I went looking for him. I searched the forest around the cave and found him dead, I thought Uther had finally found him,” Bellona said, tears welling in her eyes.

“So that’s why you came to Camelot, you wanted revenge,” Gaius mumbled, and she nodded.

“I was going to kill Arthur, a son for a father – it should’ve been easy, he was unconscious. But Merlin was there, I looked into his eyes and all I could see was Balinor. Revenge isn’t what he would have wanted. Arthur doesn’t even know I tried to kill him, but if he knew…” she let out a small sob and Gaius put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“You’re thinking that you could see Balinor again if you told Arthur what you did,” Gaius said, sighing, “but he wouldn’t want that either. Balinor found you and raised you, he made sure you had a nice life, he wouldn’t want you giving it up just because of his death.”

Bellona knew he was right, of course he was, but it still hurt. Her grief overcame her, and she couldn’t stop crying, she could feel her magic surging again – and then there were hands resting on her shoulders. She looked up through her tears and saw her father’s eyes, causing her heart rate to slow as Merlin looked into her eyes.

“You’re okay,” he assured her, and she stood up to hug him tightly, “he may not be alive but he’s here with you, with us,” Bellona felt tears drip onto her shoulder so she hugged Merlin even tighter, “I spoke to my friend Gwen, she said that you can stay with her tonight if you want.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled, pulling away from the hug, “I, uh… I suppose you two will be wanting to sleep now?”

“Have you had anything to eat?” Gaius asked, and her stomach growled to answer for her, “Sit, I’ll go get you something to eat,” he got up from his seat and left the room.

“Can I ask you something?” Merlin asked after a few moments of silence, and Bellona nodded, “What was he like? I only got to spend a couple days with him and he only knew I was his son for one of them – you grew up with him.”

“He was kind. When he first found me I was terrified, my parents had just been murdered for their magic; he just sat a couple meters away from where I was hiding, he didn’t try and force me out, be just made sure I knew he was there for me when I did come out from under the bed. And when I did, he gave me some food and told me that he was my father’s friend, that I could go with him if I wanted to. He asked a couple of my parents’ friends to help take the bodies to a clearing where we buried them, not too far from the cave. He helped train me in magic, not just the art of dragonlords but also the magic I inherited from my mother, he made me feel like I belonged regardless of what the law was.”

“I wish I could’ve been there with you, maybe then I wouldn’t have had to come to Camelot, we would’ve just been… happy.”

“We would’ve been, but you would’ve come to Camelot regardless,” she said, and he gave her a confused look, “if I remember what I’ve been told by druids, you’re Emrys,” he looked away for a moment, confirming her suspicions, “you said to me that you’re destined to be a great sorcerer and help Arthur reunite Albion – you can’t exactly do that if you’re living in a cave with your parents and surrogate sister. It’s dangerous here, of course it is, but you belong here Merlin.”

Gaius came in moments later with some stew and bread which she practically inhaled – with all of the anger and adrenaline coursing through her she hadn’t noticed how hungry she was. The three of them spent a few minutes in comfortable silence before Bellona said she was getting tired and Merlin left the chambers with her to go to the lower town.

“You’re really gonna like Gwen,” Merlin assured her, “she’s been kinder to me than most in Camelot since I arrived.”

“Does she know about your magic?”

“No… Uther killed her father for consorting with a sorcerer even though he didn’t know the man was a sorcerer – and she’s been accused of using magic too many times. I trust her, but I…”

“You don’t want to risk losing her,” Bellona finished for him, and he nodded, “don’t worry, I’ll make sure I don’t say anything.”

“Thank you,” they came to Gwen’s house and Merlin knocked on the door – the woman in question answered almost immediately with a soft smile.

“Hello Merlin. And you must be Bellona, it’s nice to meet you,” she greeted, stepping to the side, “please, come in.”

“I’ll be back in the morning,” Merlin said, “goodnight Bellona, Gwen.”

“Goodnight Merlin,” they chorused as Gwen shut the door. The girls had a little chat after Merlin left, but finally went to bed; Bellona was hoping to get a good sleep, she was in the most comfortable bed she’d had in years, but that didn’t happen. It couldn’t. She was plagued with nightmares of fire and destruction, and screams of women and children as they ran from the great dragon, Kilgharrah.

Bellona woke up with tears in her eyes and a ghost of a scream on her lips – she sat up immediately and her head collided with Gwen’s, “Ah! Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay,” Gwen assured her as she rubbed her forehead, “you were screaming in your sleep. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I-I’d rather not,” she mumbled, moving to get to her feet, “did I wake you?”

“No, no, I was already awake. I haven’t been sleeping well since the Lady Morgana was taken.”

“You were close with the Lady Morgana?” Bellona asked, thinking back to the prophecies the druids had told her about Morgana.

“I’m her maid,” Gwen told her, just as there was a knock on the door and Merlin walked into the house.

“Does he just not knock?” Bellona laughed, and Gwen joined as she helped the girl to her feet.

“No, no he doesn’t,” they both walked into the main part of the room where Merlin was waiting.

“You ready to go to Ealdor?” he asked, and Bellona nodded, “Right, Arthur – for once – actually granted me some time off to take you there,” he looked towards Gwen, “I’ll be back in a few days Gwen,” Bellona gave Gwen a short hug and thanked her for granting her a bed for the night before following Merlin out to the main street. They walked up to the main square where guards were waiting with two horses, “can you ride?”

“Yes, Merlin, I can ride a horse,” she grinned, mounting the saddle as he did. They rode for a couple days to reach Ealdor, spending the daytime to engage in casual conversation which became deeper as they’d settle in for the night.

As the two of them rode into Camelot, there were lots of stares and greetings; Merlin tied up the horses to one of the gates before leading Bellona over to a house on the far side of the village, “Merlin!” The woman in the house greeted cheerily.

“Hello mother,” he replied, hugging her tightly, until she noticed the other person in the room, “uh, Bellona, this is my mother Hunith. Mother, this is Bellona, there’s something the three of us need to discuss.”

The next hour or so was full of confusion, tears and grief as each of them said what they had to – sharing their sides of the story. Hunith was glad that Balinor had lived long enough for Merlin to meet him, and Bellona told them about how he raised her in the cave, “Before you go, Merlin, there’s somewhere the three of us need to go,” Bellona grabbed both Hunith and Merlin's hands as she spoke, “we need to go and say goodbye to him.”

The three of them rode for the cave, but Bellona stopped them as they came into a clearing where three rocks stood in the middle, side by side. Her mother, her father, and Balinor. Together they finally had a chance to say goodbye, and Bellona was sure that Merlin could feel his spirit as she could – by their side forever…

.

Sorry if the ending feels rushed, my laptop battery is running low and I’m already over and hour into day 4 when I’m uploading this 😅 I wanted to get everything in, even if there is a lack of dialogue at the end. I hope you enjoy today’s submission, happy Camelove! 🥰💜💙

[merlinbingo]

Part two of the Feb round up, this time with all the F/F fills created over the month, sorted by ship and then by rating.

Take a look, take heed of the tags/warnings/ratings (including those where the creator has decided to use the 'Not rated' and 'Choose not to use archive warnings' options - these works could contain anything at all, so please practice self-care when deciding whether or not to click on that link!) and make sure you leave these wonderful creators some love!

Elena/Lamia

Peculiar Tastes by gwen-cheers-me-up (tumblr), owlswithfins (ao3) Rating: Mature Ao3 warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Summary: “I devour men’s souls.”

Freya/Gwen

Meet Me In Secret Darling by J_Gun_i Rating: Teen Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: Instead of Merlin, Gwen was wandering late at night. Seeing the poor woman, Guinevere decided to risk everything and save her.

Freya/Morgana

The Get Together by lancelitttle (lancelot2point0) Rating: General audiences Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: "Anyone would be lucky," Morgana shook her head, "more than lucky to be with you!" She smiled, but it felt more like a threat, "Who's the idiotic object of your affections?"

Gwen/Mithian

Perfect by lancelitttle(lancelot2point0) Rating: General audiences Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: Snap shots of Gwen and Mithian's relationship, set to "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran

A Night of Pleasure by fxndom-hoe Rating: Explicit Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: Gwen and Mithian spend the night together. (For Femslash February)

Mithian/Morgana

Can I Court You? by OnceFutureEmrys Rating: General audiences Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: Morgana has never been nervous. Never in her entire life. But, asking to court Mithian... now that's one thing Morgana is terrified about.

To The Victor Go The Kisses by tehfanglyfish Rating: Teen Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: When King Rodor sent Mithian on a diplomatic visit to Camelot, he'd hoped she'd leave having won the heart of a Pendragon. And she did, just not the one Rodor had in mind.

Morgana/Vivian

No Better Time Than The Present by SneakyBoyMerlin Rating: Not rated Ao3 warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Summary: Morgana sees her future as clear as her past.

Sophia/Vivian

Distraction by lancelitttle(lancelot2point0) Rating: General audiences Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: Vivian is bored and her girlfriend needs a break.

Morgana/Gwen

My Happiness by Simoneleona & blueclaw7 Rating: General audiences Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: After a long day, Morgana tries to cheer Gwen up.

The Witch's Gauntlet by owlswithfins Rating: Teen Ao3 warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Summary: “I challenge you, Uther Pendragon. Single combat--to the death.”

a new place to be from by idlestories Rating: Teen Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: Sixteen and newly arrived in Camelot, Morgana finds herself missing home and furious with everything she can think of. Except Gwen, that is.

Fake it 'till You Make Out by Aradia_MoonFlare Rating: Not rated Ao3 warnings: Choose not to use archive warnings Summary: Gwen goes to Morgana's house and they're messing around by the pool, which leads to them kissing

Flower Crowns and a Love Song by O_Drakon Rating: Not rated Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: A relaxing day, and a realisation or two.

Genderswapped Merlin/Arthur

Like a Stone on Fire by Blake Rating: Explicit Ao3 warnings: No archive warnings apply Summary: Merlyn is in the Princess Artura's chambers in the middle of the night, again.

[viltrumitesuperboy]

I Couldn’t Love You (Merlin x Male Reader)

Someone wanted hanahaki disease with Merlin so here you go merry crisis. Merlin has it. Tried something different with this one.

Word count: 2928

I couldn't love you because you were my friend.

Merlin had never been one to let his emotions get to him, or so he hoped. When Arthur told him he was sensitive, he denied it. He then noticed how different of a person he was compared to every other man in the castle and realised that, yes, he was an emotional man. Arthur never really minded (just teased him), and Gaius told him that it was a good thing for a sorcerer like him. It made him different from those who used their magic to hurt.

You were a servant for Knight Leon, so Merlin saw you sometimes. Arthur had to take a few knights with him on a trip, and told Merlin to stay for once. As they rode off, you moved closer to Merlin.

"What's Prince Arthur like? I'll tell you that Sir Leon is a bit daft and definitely stupid but that's because he can read and chooses not to."

"To put it bluntly, Arthur's a prat. I will serve him for as long as I live but he is seriously an idiot."

You laughed and turned to look at Merlin.

"May I join you while they're gone? I don't really have much to do when Leon isn't around."

He smiled and beckoned for you to follow him to the side door where Gaius was working on some medicine. He told you that you could choose any book to read, and a strange looking one caught your eye. You pulled it from the shelf and began reading it.

"Hey, this is about magic. Is this allowed?" you asked Gaius.

Merlin rushed to his side and looked as if he was about to spit out some excuse, but Gaius gave him a stern look.

"As you know, Uther's law against magic has led to dozens of problems from magic users. I keep books in case another magic-related incident happens," Gaius explained smoothly.

"Of course. It's unfair, isn't it? That he's so against magic. Most of the people I know don't even care about what magic users do because most of them aren't actively trying to hurt anyone else. Since the king is against it, sorcerers come out of hiding to try and hurt him. It's obvious, but he doesn't realise it," you nonchalantly replied, then looked down to read the book in silence.

Merlin looked at Gaius with shock on his face, but the reaction was not returned. On Gaius' lips was a small grin, and he turned away to continue his work. Merlin looked back at you, where you had been flipping randomly in the book in interest of all the knowledge you could get. He pulled out another book, covering his spellbook in his lap with it. Occasionally you would show Gaius a word and ask what it meant, since you never had many chances to read. He explained it so easily and your smile showed your gratitude every time.

When he looked up at you and smiled, you smiled back. His heart fluttered.

I couldn't love you because I loved someone else.

Freya was the first magic user Merlin had met his age who he could connect to, and he wanted to protect her as long as she was in Camelot. When he started to sneak food, you weren't dumb enough to know that he was hiding things in that scarf of his. You yanked him to the side of a corridor.

"What's with the food? If you wanted to steal something, you could always ask me, you know?"

You waved him to follow you to the kitchens, but he stopped before you entered.

"Wait! I'll get in trouble. They don't like when I cause problems for them in there," Merlin mumbled.

"Trust me," you said.

He followed you into the kitchen, and you grabbed two entire trays — one of bread and one with meat.

"Just bringing these to the knights!" you shouted.

In their commotion of cooking, the cooks shouted back their approval and you walked right out with the bread in a basket and the meat in a bowl.

"Here, take some of each. I'll bring these to the knights. Go do whatever it is you have to."

Merlin thanked you and hid the bread and meat in a separate basket, wrapped in a cloth you'd taken from the kitchen. He smiled and rushed away, with you carrying out your duties. On the way, he started to cough, and covered his mouth with his scarf. For a second, he thought something fell out of his mouth, and he panicked when he thought his magic was acting up. The breeze blew the object up and into the forest, and he rushed towards Freya's hiding place.

He trusted you enough, so when Freya died, he came to you and Gaius with bloodshot eyes. You helped him take her body to the lake deep in the forest. He threw a stick with fire into the boat, bursting it into flames. For a second, you wondered where the fire had come from and if it had even reached the boat (Merlin had the upper body strength of a small bird), but when you saw the tears on his face, you put your arm around him. You rubbed his back as he began coughing, and when he pulled away from you, a small blue flower lay in his hands.

"Did you forget to put that one in?" you asked. "You can place it on the water. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

He hiccuped and tossed it on the water, and you both watched it float away. The look of shock on his face remained even as you both walked away, and you wondered just how much Freya meant to him.

I couldn't love you because I had a destiny.

Morgana had managed to get Guinevere accused of sorcery. Of course Merlin had to fix the problem as he always did, and risked looking like a complete loon in the aftermath. Gaius gave him an idea, and he followed through. But when he said the spell to change himself back, it wasn't working. He was hobbling around the castle in an old man's body, wondering what the hell his life had come to.

Once he bumped into you, and you yelled, almost falling backwards. Your eyes narrowed at the sight of his bright blue ones.

"Do I know you?" you asked. "I mean, I don't think I've seen you before here, but something about your eyes..."

"Goodbye," said Merlin in his old man voice, and he rushed away.

When the guards started to draw closer, he stepped into a small hallway, repeating the spell once more to no avail. Then you stepped out of a door in the hallway, a basket of clothing in your arms and a small vial in hand.

"Come on, take it. I ran to Gaius and he told me that it was you. I'll take your clothing so it doesn't look suspicious," you quickly explained.

He downed the potion quickly, pulling off the robe as soon as he did. You handed him the scarf he always wore. You both stepped into the main hallway just as the guards and Arthur caught up to you.

"Have you seen the sorcerer?" Arthur panted.

"There's a sorcerer?" you asked, alarmed. "Well, that's illegal, isn't it?"

"Yes, that's why we're- Look, he's old, he can't have gone far and he definitely went through this path," Arthur exclaimed.

"We haven't seen anyone. Merlin's been helping me with the washing."

Arthur huffed and motioned for the guards to follow him as they continued on their search.

"You really saved me there," Merlin laughed breathlessly.

"Well, you are the sorcerer meant to protect the once and future king, aren't you?" you teased, pulling him through the door in the hallway. "You should tell me more. No one's doing the washing right now except for me."

Merlin smiled, following you with a strange pressure on his chest. He began to cough, as he had been in the last few weeks. A flower dropped into his scarf, which he dumbly decided to cough into. The blood could barely be hidden by the scarf, but up close he could see that the scarf was a little wet. He bunched it up quickly when you turned to look at him.

"That's your own. You wash that," you scolded. "And then go to Gaius to do something about that cough. You've had it for a few days now."

He gave you a faint smile and nodded as he placed it into a bucket, vanishing the flower with his magic. He then turned to you and told you all about his adventures as much as he could, your expressions of awe and excitement driving his storytelling. Being the showoff he was, he used his magic to dump all the clothing in your bucket into the large tub. The smile on your face was worth it.

True to his word, he went to see Gaius, who wasn't there at the moment. He skimmed through endless books for flowers, but nothing came up until he realised what he had been doing wrong. He began to look at the books on magic that Gaius kept hidden. When he came across the one you were reading the first time you read a book there, he finally found it. It was a disease that was so rare it was believed to be a myth. The person with the disease would cough up blood and flowers if they were in love with someone and the love was not returned. Unless they returned the feelings or it was removed by magic, the victim would surely die. The same would result if they waited too long.

Merlin knew that there was no way he could tell you, but he needed to be alive to serve Arthur. He had a destiny, and the threat of death would not stop him from fulfilling it.

I couldn't love you because it was wrong.

The number of sorcerers and criminals that the king executed was significantly higher than the people found in same sex relations. Actually, there were no executed homosexuals. Uther would claim that they were under the influence of dark magic and therefore had to be killed before it spread. Fortunately, Arthur did not adopt that mindset. Unfortunately, he still thought it to be wrong. Merlin tended to ramble to Arthur and Gaius about his problems, but he told nobody about you. Gaius only knew that he was in love and that it may kill him, but was prepared to perform the spell if he needed to, as Merlin instructed him to. His destiny came before love.

Merlin's condition worsened over time, and he started to slow in his tasks. Arthur masked his concern with complaints, telling him to see Gaius. Gwen would berate Arthur for picking on his own friend. She gave Merlin sympathetic smiles when she caught him coughing or holding a piece of cloth to his mouth. The flowers increased in number, going from one every week to multiple every day. He had to keep a bucket by his bed.

"Merlin, this isn't good for you," Gaius had told him one day.

He sat on the chair beside Merlin's bed.

"There is always a solution. You will not die if you are rejected, but if you wait, it will kill you either way. Take a chance."

"I couldn't. It's... It's wrong, Gaius," Merlin croaked out. "The one I love is a man."

"And who says it should be wrong? A few others with this disease have died because they were afraid it was wrong. One of the most tragic tales came from two women who loved each other dearly, and both died of the same disease. This is hurting me as much as it hurts you. I have a feeling I know this man you speak of, and I think he feels the same. There is no one more worthy of his love than you, and no one more worthy of your love than he."

With that, Gaius tapped his leg as if to drill the wisdom into Merlin, and stood slowly to leave. Seconds after he had gone back to brewing something, you had burst through the door, shouting a quick greeting to Gaius and dashing to the bookshelves.

"(Y/N)! Be careful!" Gaius exclaimed.

"Sorry, busy!" Merlin heard you say.

You pulled a book out of the shelf and dashed to Merlin's room. You sat in the chair Gaius was just in moments ago and flipped through the pages. It was the same book you had chosen the first time.

"I was thinking I remembered that flower I saw from you over the last few weeks. At first, I thought you were planning to give them to someone, but I remembered seeing one in your hand at the lake. It's a disease!" you said with enthusiasm.

"I know," Merlin said, "and I will die."

Gaius was back again, standing just outside the door frame. You looked at him sadly as you placed the book down, the pages falling open to the wretched flower.

"Can't you do anything? Any magic that wouldn't remove your feelings or memories?"

"No. This ends in one of three ways," Gaius said.

"I don't intend to tell anyone except for Gaius about my condition, and I can't- don't want to die," Merlin caught himself, then turned the other way to choke out a flower into the bucket next to him.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, leaning over to place your hand on his.

"I'm sorry, too."

Merlin was quite literally on his deathbed. He once nearly died on the same bed he was in currently. He had collapsed onto the closest surface after doing some cleaning in Arthur's and Gwen's room, and it just so happened to be the one Gaius used to treat patients. He grabbed his bucket that he had conveniently brought down from his room to clean earlier that day  and coughed into it painfully.

Flower petals and blood. That was all he could think about these days.

Gaius walked in, placing his herbs down and going about his work until he noticed Merlin on the bed.

"Merlin!" Gaius exclaimed.

"Gaius, please get him," Merlin whispered.

Gaius gave him a disapproving look and walked over, pulling the sheets on top of Merlin. He took the book he needed and placed it on the table close to Merlin's head. Then he left without another word. In minutes, you, Arthur, and Gwen all ran inside, with Gaius' voice in the distance telling them not to disturb anything.

"Merlin!" you shouted, running over to him and kneeling by his bed. "You're dying, aren't you?"

"Am I spitting blood or what?" he snarkily replied, and promptly lurched over the bucket.

"Stop it! You know this hurts all of us!" Gwen cried.

Arthur put his arms around her in a hug as she leaned into him, tears beginning to collect in her eyes.

"Merlin, if we can find the person you love, you can tell them. If they reject you, then there's that thing Gaius can do, right? Some herbal paste thing?" Arthur asked desperately.

"Yes, that," Gaius mumbled.

He looked to you, and you nodded, a silent sign that you had lied to keep them safe.

"Thank you for... everything," Merlin said, his eyes trained on you. "You're all my best friends and I'm so lucky to have you all, but I think I have to get those... herbs that Arthur mentioned."

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Gwen whispered. "You love... him."

Her head turned fully to you, as did Arthur's.

"If he's not complaining about me, he's talking about you," Arthur added.

He didn't dare look at you, afraid to see the hate or disgust on your face. He choked once again on a sudden attack of flowers from his mouth, and you instantly reached over to rub his back.

"You're so stupid. You're so, so stupid," you whispered. "I should have known, should have said something earlier."

"What are you talking about?" Merlin rasped.

"I'm saying I love you too, you daft clotpole."

"That's my insult."

You took the cloth Gaius offered you and wiped his face, pressing your lips to his forehead.

"You're really so stupid."

Merlin smiled back, and he felt the weight that he hadn't even noticed on his insides removing themselves, like the curse was being physically lifted from his body. And as he thought that, a light left his body and the bucket, anywhere with flowers or blood, and disappeared into the air.

"I think that worked," he said, voice much stronger.

Everyone else gave a cheer of joy, and Gwen kissed Arthur right on the lips. Obviously he whined right after that they should only be doing that in private.

"Merlin will need his rest. (Y/N) can stay but the two of you will have to leave. I'm sure you both have matters to discuss. The love of two men, correct?"

"You're right, Gaius," Arthur smiled.

"Maybe you could look into that magic issue too, while you're at it. It could have saved Merlin," you suggested.

"As if!" Arthur scoffed.

Gwen hit his chest and they both left after hugging Merlin. Merlin turned back to you, and he barely noticed Gaius leaving to his room.

"That's some curse," he laughed, bringing you close. "But never steal my insults again."

I couldn't love you... or maybe I could.

[bellamyblakru]

HEYYYYYYY i’m so excited to respond to ur ask it made me so happy to see u in my notifs and i’m so excited for u for ur milestone! anyways i kinda want all of them but i decided to cut down to 🥺 :)))) 👀 pls rant i will read it all and ☕️ for morgwen andddd manon from the tog books. <3 <3 :*

HEY AMY!!! i hope you had a lovely day today🥺thank you for the ask💞

🥺- for my mutuals, ill talk about why i follow you and why everyone should be as well

omg im pretty sure i met and started following you like the day of that bellamy scene™️ because i remember thinking how fucking horrendous that episode ended, and, at the same time, how amazing that night on tumblr was aksnakaaj. so that night, tumblr was a fucking disaster and chaotic and funny asf. i remember texting @tkstrrand the entire ep (bc she couldn’t watch it for some reason) like how boring it was/how she wasn’t missing much blahblah and then when the death scene happened at the last fucking second, i sent her about a thousand separate incoherent texts in the span of like two minutes LOL tumblr was in shambles and i made a few posts about how fucking dumb the show was—one post i made i told my few new followers to fuck the 100 and just watch merlin and you texted me about it!! we have literally so much in common (with merlin, atla, the 100, tog!!!) that when you texted me about how you felt about that scene compared to merlin’s ending, my thought was like “this blog is so kind and we feel the same way and i need to follow asap.”

you are literally so sweet and lovely to talk to🥺that night™️ may had been disastrous, but i can look on it with a lighter heart because we met because of it!! every time we talk i always smile so much (and dw, i know i still have to get clone wars for our boy anakin👀👀)

dude, everyone should be following you because your blog is incredible, your tags are superb, and you are literally one of the sweetest people i’ve met on here😭💞 i adore you.

👀 - and ill tell you a parallel from merlin or the 100 that still fucks me up

this post for merthur still FUCKS ME UP by @camelotsheart

THE EYES. THE GIFSET’S BEAUTIFUL COLORING. THE EYES. EYES. I CANT. THIS GIFSET HAUNTS ME. parallels, man, i fucking love them.

☕️ + send me a ship/character/movie/book and ill give you my opinions on it

my opinions on morgwen:

I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I SHIP IT WITH MY WHOLE ASS SOUL. dude, their potential as a ship is incredible😭i fucking love them together. i wrote them as a side pairing in my first multi-chapter merthur fic and i adored writing their interactions and dynamic sm. if morgana was going to be with anyone, my first choice will always be gwen. i also read them as a pairing in fics all the time because the pure power-couple potential is insane.

hot ☕️ here™️: i think if someone was to bring morgana back from the brink of hatred, it should have been gwen (not merlin). so, like, i could definitely see merlin telling her about his magic and whatnot and maybe that would have stopped her from going dark side...but...i didn’t think merlin should have (ekk probably an unpopular opinion).

see, i love merlin with my entire heart..and tbh telling uther fucking pendragon’s ward that he had magic was just too much of a gamble—especially with arthur’s life on the line, which literally became merlin’s sole purpose in life (another matter for a different essay™️). i understand his need to keep it a secret from her even more when the large reptile repeatedly got into merlin’s head that she was bad news from the jump (also another matter for a different essay™️).

SO. that leaves two options for our miserable magical gal: arthur or gwen. now, i honestly believe arthur wouldn’t have hurt her if he was told. and i even think he may have became more sympathetic to the magical community because of it—especially when he saved mordred wayyyy early on that cemented the fact that arthur was not uther. but i can also understand why morgana wouldn’t tell arthur, and it’s pretty much the same reason merlin didn’t tell her about his magic: the risk was too big and she didn’t want to gamble her life with an unknown reaction.

now we get to the main point: gwen would have been the best option for her. whether it is platonic or not, gwen was always there for morgana. gwen is such a kind, loving soul, and she deeply respected and adored morgana—you can tell by the way she smiled around her in the beginning seasons, how she would get her flowers, how she would worry about morgana’s wellbeing. even though gwen was morgana’s servant, she cared for her in more ways than were required and it showed. they were best friends. the entire incident with gwen’s father, which was horrendous, might be the reason gwen would be rightfully upset about the subject of magic; however. she knew her father wasn’t magical, she knew uther was a tyrant, and she knew morgana’s heart. someone is gonna tell me that if morgana had explained to gwen what happened, how her magic was innate, how morgana would never fucking choose to have magic anywhere near her shithead guardian (who probably would have killed her imo if he knew bc you know the whole “fire will purify” bullshit), that gwen would hate her??? I MEAN LITERALLY WATCH THE LAST EPISODES AGAIN. when QUEEN GWEN realizes that the whole time it was merlin saving everyone’s asses, and she connected all the dots, her face showed nothing but pure understanding and acceptance.

gwen was such an underused character. her fucking potential arcs could have been phenomenal (again, LOL, another matter for a different essay™️), and the way canon made morgana use gwen was fucking gross and im not a fan🙃 but fuck canon. i ship them and i love them to pieces ✌🏻thank you for coming to my talk✌🏻

my opinions on manon mf blackbeak:

oh boy, where do i start? i would die for her...is that too extreme for the starting place? i fucking LOVE manon blackbeak dude. oh my god, so, remember when her and aelin fought for the first time in QoS? i remember jumping up from my lounging position with my hand over my smiling mouth because i love both of these badass hardcore women with everything i am. i mean, aelin owns my ass (she is probably my favorite character of all time rn) but manon hits differently. her storyline at the beginning was so bleh, but, man, did it escalate fast to “holy shit” to “i fucking love her” to “oh fuck im sobbing.”

the only thing i will complain about with her character in canon was the fact that my girl was straight???? excuse me?? she has been alive for fucking forever and she is straight? no. i cant accept that. tbh i ship manon and elide🥺 (i also ship dorain and chaol oops). but her character development was everything and i cant think too long on what happens because i will start crying tbh sksjsmakks

okay wow im so sorry for, uh, spilling every thought i had into this. it legit took me like a day to respond 😔

i appreciate you so much. thank you🥺💞

[coinofstone]

2x03 The Nightmare Begins

It's so weird how the servants are sporadically there seemingly overnight, whenever it suits the story.

Morgana doing magic in her sleep is such a major progression from the visions she had in 2x01, knowing that they cut scenes of her in both of the preceding episodes makes me even angrier. This story deserved a better build up.

Gaius is such a dick to Morgana. He's gaslighting and medicating her instead of offering her the same guidance he offers Merlin. And worse he influences Merlin to ice her out too. Following the magic-as-the-gay analogy, what Gaius is doing is essentially telling Merlin that it's ok for a man to be gay in secret, but a woman must repress her saphiccness and Merlin cannot be her ally. It's super lesbophobic and I hate it.

Oh God the flower gag. Arthur jealous of Morgana getting flowers from Merlin. 'Picked them yourself?'

I really feel for Morgana, how terrified and confused she must've felt. Katie plays it so beautifully too. Morgana is being gaslit by one of the most knowledgeable ppl in the kingdom, a man she's known and trusted her whole life, and a servant she considers such a good friend she risked her neck traveling to his village to help his mom and her neighbors defend their village from raiders, without any troops from Camelot.

Why does Merlin even need the help of a random citizen to find the druids? He must know where Arthur took Mordred to deliver him back to his people. Plus he's got that whole telepathy thing. And WHY wouldn't he have gone with her? Or gotten Gwen to go with her? Her little red riding hood dress is gorgeous though.

My favorite thing about Arthur looking at the grate Merlin escaped through is him acting like he didn't use the exact same route to escape the castle and go to the druids.

So if Uther is Morgana's father, and her mother was Gorlois' wife, does that mean SHE had magic? Was Uther boning a sorceress when he was boning his best friend's wife? Did he know?

The irony of Morgana not having been a prisoner in the woods where she went willingly and of her own free will, but rather having to repress herself and pretend to be someone she's not at the castle, where she was taken without her consent, which nobody probably even thought to ask for and which she couldn't really give if they had.

Yaaaaas jealous Arthur stalking poor Merlin. It's embarrassing but Merlin's sad little smile at the end, "wouldn't dream of it" 🥺

[randomfandomfiction]

Merthur Classics Pt.2

part one

the show may be over but you can wrestle the fanfic from my cold, dead, fingers

Destiny Calling by sophieisgod (17k, PG-13)

In which Merlin is guided by a force much greater than luck, Lancelot is excessively chivalrous, and Morgana is a very angry and confused young woman.

This is an Empire Records au! Miraculous!

Drugstore Flowers by lady_ragnell (5k, Not Rated)

Merlin starts to receive lovely gifts (and less-lovely flowers) from a secret admirer.

Laundry Letters by dysonrules (7k, Mature)

There’s no actual summary for this one, but it’s an adorable little college au with cute flirty notes, secret identities, and friends to lovers.

Fools of Us All by adelagia (11k, Explicit)

Merlin accidentally makes everybody in Camelot fall in love with him. Everybody except Arthur, that is. 

Because pheromones.

After The Storm by orphan_account (18k, Explicit)

Merlin and Arthur spend one night together, but Arthur skips out on his duties and Camelot becomes overrun by Morgause’s soldiers. They lose the Keep, and are forced to flee. This is the story of how they survive the winter, and try to find each other again in the wreckage of their destiny.

(Slight canonverse!AU--set during S2. Morgana has discovered her powers but not turned evil, and has met Morgause but not joined league with her.)

So much angst!!! Pain!!! Enter at own risk!!!

But It’s a Good Refrain by lady_ragnell (23k, Not Rated)

Arthur doesn't care much about the popular radio program Dragon's Lonely Hearts until his ex-girlfriend calls in to slag him off and get advice. When he calls in and has an on-air argument with the host, it starts off more than he expected, including meddling friends, overinvolved fans, and maybe love.

A Bit Like Love by inadaze22 (24k, Explicit)

True love and soul mates are myths. Arthur's always believed that. Fate, however, has a different opinion on the matter, and Morgana happens to agree. Unfortunately, she's always right about these things.

”wanking” is an actual tag for this fic and it makes me ridiculously happy

Forever Love (The Round Table Remix) by hopenight (24k, R)

This is your typical, run-of-the-mill, totally average reincarnation (immortality included!) story…except it’s not. Arthur is immortal with a time limit hanging over his head. M. Emerson Gray is the latest rebirth without a clue. Except Emerson does have a clue, eccentricities, and a kickass store. Merlin is trapped in mirrors and remains very sarcastic. Lawrence is totally awesome but gets kidnapped. Galahad is having number-gasms. The knights get plastered and bemoaned the long lost days when they didn’t have to meddle in homoerotic love affairs. And Arthur? Arthur is just socially awkward and adorable. This is the story of two men falling in love while knowing the truth about the other (even if the other doesn’t know they know). The question is can they do it in the midst of craziness, crossdressing, and colossal insecurities? Well yes, they can. But the ride to the beginning of it all is heaps better than the story of the relationship itself. 

Crash Into Me by faeryqueen07 (25k, Explicit)

Uther has been trying to get Arthur to settle down for quite some time, so when he mentions that they will be having dinner with another young woman, Vivian, Arthur decides that enough is enough. He asks Merlin to pose as his boyfriend and awkwardness ensues. But somewhere down the line, fiction becomes fact.

40 Days and 40 Fights by dayari (26k, PG-13)

High school AU. In which Arthur is (a) the best captain that the volleyball team has seen in ages, (b) too handsome for his own good, and also (c) decidedly not gay; although Merlin agrees with the first two, he's willing to bet that (c) is open for discussion.

Crash Into Me by mysecretashes (27k, Explicit)

At the end of their first year of university Arthur decides to take Merlin on a road trip, and holds on to the hope that before it's over they'll be more than just friends.  Morgana decides she and Gwen are going to come along, and Merlin and Gwen decide they're both insane.  Along the (admittedly short) road to true love there are roller coasters, flat tires, chocolate, sheep, pillow fights, food fights, keychains, and memories that will last a lifetime.

Heartbreak, Secret Friends, and Stupid Doodles by I_know_its_over (33k, PG-13)

Modern uni AU: Merlin has a secret crush on Arthur, who has no idea who he is. When Arthur has a bad break up, Merlin takes it upon himself to cheer him up. Secretly, of course.

From The Ashes by RandomSlasher (42k, Explicit)

When Merlin uses magic to save Arthur’s life, he is condemned to death, and Arthur is too late to save him. But when the grief-stricken prince, along with Morgana and Gwen, journeys to Ealdor to return Merlin’s ashes, a series of strange events leads them to believe the warlock may not be as dead as they thought.

As the summary would imply, there’s a wicked dosing of feelings in this! 

(A Change) Would Do You Good by GeekLover (44k, T+)

Arthur is a pampered prince who has reached the point where he is tired of his father making every decision for him, including who to marry. When he is betrothed to the horrible Vivian he manages to convince his father to allow him to set off away from Camelot to "sow his royal oats."

His sister Morgana on the other hand decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to actually find himself another bride.

So along with his best friend and "bodyguard" Gwaine he heads to the small town of Ealdor. He's skeptical about finding true love here.  But when he's robbed he meets an unlikely savior that could turn out to be exactly the person he was looking for.

A Beacon In The Dark by crimsonswirls, ZairaA (96k, Explicit)

In a society where people with magic are persecuted, Arthur is a lawyer who takes on a prominent murder case. The suspect is a sorcerer: Merlin, Arthur's former childhood friend, who vanished at sixteen when his magic was discovered. Now, ten years later, Merlin is a prostitute, and Arthur has to solve more than Merlin's secrets to save the man he still loves from execution.

A story about two friends, who after losing their hope, their innocence and their way, finally find each other again.

This is an incredible fic but please, please, make sure to read the warnings and the author’s notes!!! This fic isn’t for everyone and that’s okay!

History Books Forgot About Us by kermit_thefrog (length unknown, PG)

A modern AU. Arthur is the wealthy co-editor of Camelot Publications in London, run by his father. Merlin works at a surgery in Paddington. Worlds collide one rainy day.

Linked to part 7 because the masterlist of the other links is on this page!

[junemo10]

Uther: Why do you care so much for the life of a lowly servant?

Arthur: *cant meet his eyes, looking down at the floor in his cell*

Uther: look at me boy. Tell me the truth.

Arthur: *looks up with tears in his eyes*

Uther: All this trouble, risking your life, all for some nobody who polished your shoes-

Arthur: I love him! *he yells, breathing heavily, anger seeping into every breath* I love him, and he’s dying!

Uther: *straightens up, surprise evident on his face but he works to not let it show* I see *he looks down*

Arthur: Father....please *he takes a step toward him, the flower delicately held in his hand*

Uther: *not listening, turning away and walking out the cell doors*

Arthur: Father! Father listen to me! Please!! Just...just give it to Gaius! He’ll know what to do! *he holds out the yellow beauty he had worked so hard to get, reluctantly giving it up*

Uther: *stops, turns back to meet his son’s gaze. He glances at the flower, and gently took it. He looked at his son and nodded, stepping backwards*

Arthur: thank you father-

Uther: *right as Arthur speaks, he crushes the flower in his grip*

Arthur: *springing forward* NO! *he yells, tears forming in his eyes*

Uther: I’ll see to it that you are let out in a couple of days. *he leaves, the guards shutting the doors behind him*

Arthur: FATHER! PLEASE! *he runs just as the door closes, gripping the bars*

Uther: Maybe this time you’ll learn better than to lie and defy me *he drops the flower and walks to the stairs*

Arthur: *rushes to grab the flower through the bars. Reaching with every inch of his soul for the flower that would save his love*

~~~~~~~~~later~~~~~~~~~

Arthur: *sits in the back, tears falling silently as he pictured Merlin suffering, dying, in a slow agonizing death. Suddenly he heard a sweet and determined voice coming from the bottom of the stairway*

Gwen: Food for the prisoner *she said strongly, attempting to hide her nerves. The guard let her pass and opened the cell door for her. Arthur sat up as she entered, attempting to look not interested*

Arthur: Set it down over there

Gwen: *sets the plate down on the small table, unsure*

Arthur: Thank you *goes over to the plate, looks it over before glancing up* Wait. I couldn’t possibly eat this, it’s disgusting. The state it’s in, I’m not sure it’s fit for anyone *his eyes held a pleading look*

Gwen: *reading his gaze, she picked up the plate. She glanced down and saw the crumpled pale yellow petals and the short green dirtied stem that was delicately placed between the loaves of bread. Closing her eyes in relief she looked at him and gave a slight nod* Yes my lord. *as she stepped out of the cell she moved quickly-*

A guard: You. Wait!

Gwen: *froze, turning to face him*

Arthur: *his heart beating rapidly in his chest, forcing himself not to move*

A guard: waste not, want not, eh? We’re not all as precious as our Royal Highness. *he joked, taking a slice of bread*

Gwen: *nods and starts up the steps. Another woman carrying a tray decends past her announcing that she had food for the prince, but Gwen heard none of it. The sound of guards yelling was in the back of her mind as Merlin’s weak body lying on a cot was all she could think of*

Arthur: *sat, pressing his folded hands to his lips as he closed his eyes, almost in a silent prayer* Please *he whispered*

~~~~~~~~~Later~~~~~~~~~

Arthur: *was let out a day later, angry, terrified. He had heard no news since Gwen had left with the flower. He knocked on Gaius’s door as he walked in, his heart hammering in his chest. Vials, open books, a bucket and wash clothes all laid around the room, Remnants of the horrifying ordeal* Gaius? *he called, not seeing him*

Gaius: *walking in at that very moment* Arthur.

Arthur: *he turned and assessed the old man* Merlin? *his voice held a desperation, cracking with fear* Where...how is...is he...?

Gaius: *the old man revealed nothing in his expression* I think you ought to have a visit to your room Sire.

Arthur: *frowned, unsure what he meant, Hope blooming in his heart* does that mean-

Gaius: *a small smile grew on the old man’s lips*

Arthur: *smiled, tears welling in his eyes* Thank you. Thank you! *he dashed out, rushing through the palace to get to his room. He threw the door open and rushed in. His chest heaving, he desperately looked around, confused* Mer- *suddenly he was shoved onto his bed, he wiggled around to see his assailant when a suddenly light laughter filled his ears. His sky blue eyes met the blues of the sea*

Merlin: I thought you’d never show up. *he teased, leaning on the bottom bed post, looking over the prince*

Arthur: *grinned, quickly grabbing the dark haired boy’s arm and tugging him onto the bed beside him, then quickly moved to cover him*

Merlin: whoaa- *he smiled, letting out another laugh, looking into the skies* Easy there, eager one *he reached up to touch the blonde’s cheek*

Arthur: *closed his eyes at the touch, the 24 hour adrenaline finally wearing off and a sudden sadness consumed his chest. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with tears as he looked at the beautiful face below him*

Merlin: *recongized the look and frowned in concern* Oh Arthur...

Arthur: I thought you’d...I was so scared... *he was interrupted by Merlin pulling him down into a kiss. Soft and sweet, desperate and loving, they melted against each other*

Merlin: *pulled away, looking into Arthur’s eyes, reaching up to wipe the tear that had fallen* Im okay. *they fell into a loving silence for a second* And I have you to thank for that

Arthur: you sent me that light. Didn’t you.

Merlin: *smiled sadly* I don’t remember it. But Gaius said something happened.

Arthur: I know it was you *he whispered to the sorcer* thank you *he leaned down to kiss him again and suddenly froze*

Merlin: *frowned* what’s wrong?

Arthur: I told my father. He knows. My father knows.

Merlin: *sat up* Arthur what does he know?

Arthur: that we’re together! He knows! *he pushed himself off the bed, running his hands through his hair*

Merlin: *stood and rushed to him, grabbing his wrists gently, looking into the prince’s eyes* Arthur. It’s....it’s going to be okay. *he pressed his forehead to the prince’s. Closing his eyes* we’re going to get through this.

Arthur: *he closed his eyes, breathing easier with his lover so close. He nodded gently before pressing his lips to Merlin’s with love. Merlin returned the kiss with a lively passion. Arthur pulled back and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, tucking his head into Merlin’s shoulder* I love you

Merlin: *smiled, tears forming in his eyes as he looked up at the ceiling* I love you Arthur.

[mischiefandspirits]

From the Start: The Poisoned Chalice

It was supposed to be a one time thing. Arthur let the sorcerer run off with his life in return for him saving Arthur’s. He had never expected to see the boy again, especially not only two days later in Gaius’s chambers.

“He's getting hotter,” Gwen called out.

“Hmmm, liffrea, wuldres wealdend, woroldare forgeaf.”

Gwen frowned at the mumblings that quieted as Gaius grew closer. “What language is that?”

Gaius leaned closer to try to hear, but Merlin had stopped.

“I couldn’t hear. Likely none. The fever may have taken hold. I’ll brew him something to soothe his mind,” he said, his hand on Merlin’s wrist. His frown grew. “His pulse is weaker.”

“Oh Merlin,” Gwen said, wiping his brow.

“Ar’ur. I's d’rk. T’ d’rk,” he slurred and Gwen’s began to worry anew. The potion Gaius had given him earlier had quieted his words to nearly inaudible hums earlier, but it seemed to be wearing off as he was slowly growing agitated and she could just catch his words. “F’om’m f’gif’um ‘n f’der b’rme. Fr’mum feoh’ft’m.”

She opened her mouth to call to Gaius, but stopped as she spotted something glittering near the edge of Merlin’s bed. She pulled back the covers and barely held back a gasp at the swirling orb of light floating above his hand. She quickly threw the blankets back over him, tucking them around him so no light escaped. She glanced over her shoulder and relaxed when she saw Gaius’s back to them.

“Merlin,” she whispered, staring at the boy’s face.

Magic! Merlin had magic! But Merlin was… Merlin. He was sweet and kind and… How could he have something as evil as magic?

Suddenly she remembered something Morgana had told her.

“You know, I approve.”

“Approve, My Lady?” Gwen asked as she filled the lady’s goblet.

“Of your crush on Merlin. He’s such a sweet boy.”

Gwen blushed. “I don’t have a crush on Merlin.”

“Of course,” Morgana said with a wink. “He is a sweetheart, though. I hope someday I can find a man who would do for me what he tried to do for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t heard?” Morgana asked, bringing her goblet up to her lips as if to hide the smirk she was obviously wearing. “Merlin burst into a council meeting and announced -- in front of the king, no less -- that he was a sorcerer and had been the one to save your father.”

“He did what!?”

“Apparently he couldn’t stand to let you die and was willing to lie on your behalf.”

Gwen blushed at the memory even as the realization sunk in. Gwen, like Morgana, had assumed Merlin had been lying on her behalf, but Merlin was a sorcerer so maybe none of it had been a lie.

“Lea’m, Afur,” Merlin mumbled, shaking his head.

Gwen grabbed the cloth and dunked it in the bucket of water.

Merlin had known her father was well before she’d told anyone. She’d known he had, but she’d never considered why. She’d just let him run off with his silly joke about being psychic.

“Go. S’you’s’f. F’ll’ the li’t.”

And if Merlin had done this, saved her father and then tried to save her when she took the blame, could she really think magic was evil? Could she think Merlin was evil?

“F’ster. G’ fas’r. Fo’w the ‘ight!”

“Hush, Merlin. It’s okay. Arthur will be back soon.”

“M’v’. Cl’mb.”

“Everything will be okay, I swear.”

Merlin relaxed into the bed and Gwen peaked under the blankets. She sighed with relief when she saw the orb fading to nothing and covered him back up.

“I swear.”

“He’s back!” Gaius and Gwen looked up as Morgana peaked in the doors for just a second. “Arthur’s back,” she reiterated before ducking out again.

The two shared a look before Gwen followed after her mistress. They raced into the courtyard, only to see Arthur being led off towards the dungeons by a group of guards.

“Arthur,” Morgana called out, rushing towards him.

“Halt, My Lady,” a guard said, stepping between them.

“Out of the way, I need to speak to Arthur.”

“Apologies, but it’s the king’s orders. Prince Arthur is not allowed any visitors.”

“That man,” Morgana growled. “Where is he?”

“Waiting for the prince in the dungeons, My Lady.”

“Take me to him!”

The guard hesitated, but bowed under her glare and led her off. Gwen didn’t follow, knowing her presence was likely only to anger the king. Instead, she returned to Gaius with the news.

Arthur reached through the bars desperately for the flower he’d risked so much for.

Why, though? My father is right, isn’t he? Merlin is just a servant, and a sorcerous one at that. Why should I, the prince, have risked my life for him? a demanding voice said from the back of his mind. One that sounded much like his father.

Because Merlin has saved my life at the risk of his own. And not for the first time, either. So what if he has magic, a second voice countered, this one with Morgana’s snippy tone.

But I’m the prince, I have a duty to my people!

My people, including the boy dying up in Gaius’s rooms!

“Just shut up,” he hissed, stretching out his hand just a little farther. “Yes!” he grabbed the stem with the tips of his fingers and drew it back into the cell with him. The elation lasted for all of a moment before he remembered exactly where he was.

Locked in a cell with no means of getting the flower to Merlin. He’d failed. He’d disappointed his father, angered him into locking him up, and for what?

He let his head fall against the bars.

So much for their great destiny. Take that, you crazy old dragon!

“Merow.”

Arthur looked up to see yellow eyes staring at him. “Oh great, you’re here. As if things couldn’t be worse.”

The cat chirped and slipped through the bars to nuzzle Arthur’s knee.

Arthur sighed and scratched its ears. “At least you’ll keep the rats away while I’m in here. Unless you’re as useless as your idiot creator.”

It purred and leaned into his hand.

“Though if you really want to be useful, you’d take this up to Gwen and Gaius,” he said, waving the flower in its face. “I’d even give you a name if you can pull that off. Maybe stop kicking you out of my rooms.”

The cat tilted its head, eyes following the flower.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he snorted, moving to get up.

The cat jumped forwards and snatched the flower out of his hand before darting through the bars.

“Hey!” he shouted, but the cat disappeared into the shadows. “Perfect. There goes Merlin’s last hope.”

Gwen bit her lip as she approached the kitchens. This was a bad idea, a really bad one, but what else could she do. Merlin needed the flower and her best chance at getting it from Arthur was pretending to bring him a meal. She’d worked the dungeons before when the kitchen-maids needed an extra hand. The guards wouldn’t think anything of it.

If she was discovered to be lying though…

“Churrrr.”

Gwen jumped and looked over to see a cat perched on a console table next to her, licking its paws. She smiled as she recognized it as the one who’d been haunting Arthur’s chambers as of late. At least, according to all the other serving girls that worked the area. They swore it was Arthur’s, but Gwen couldn’t see the prince keeping a cat. If anything, she thought it was likely Merlin’s. He seemed the type to take in strays.

“Hello, little one. I don’t have anything to give you, sorry. I need to -” Gwen cut off as she spotted the yellow flower resting at the cat’s feet.

There was no way…

Gwen picked the flower up and spun it in her fingers.

It looked just like the picture in Gaius’s book.

“Where did you get this?”

The cat ignored her, starting to clean its face.

Gwen stared at the cat for a beat before shaking herself and running down the hall back towards the court physician’s chambers.

Merlin rolled his eyes as he glanced at the prince to see him still staring at the cat curled up on his desk. “Are you going to do that all night?”

“I still can’t believe it listened to me.”

“I told you he’s smart.”

“And I told you it’s magic.”

“Right… So what are you going to name him?”

Arthur scowled. “Are you even sure it’s a boy?”

“You’re free to double check.”

Arthur crossed his arms and shot the warlock a look.

“Perhaps -”

“Palug is still a stupid name, Merlin.”

“It’s fitting,” Merlin muttered under his breath, turning away.

A few moments passed in silence before a knock came at the door.

“Enter.”

The door opened and Gwen stepped in. She curtsied and said, “Apologies, Your Highness, but can I speak to Merlin for a moment. It won’t take long.”

Arthur waved her off, not looking up from the cat. “Fine, he’s getting on my nerves anyway. Just make sure he’s back in time for dinner.”

“Thank you,” she replied, glancing between him and the cat in bemusement.

Merlin led her out with a snicker.

“Why was he staring at that cat?” she asked as they started down the hall.

“He’s trying to figure out a name for him and it’s taking all his brainpower,” he teased.

“You shouldn’t talk about the prince that way,” she said playfully. “So it is his then?”

He opened the door to Arthur’s servant's quarters with a nod. “If you ask Arthur, he’s mine, but you don’t see him swiping at Arthur every time he goes near it. In fact, he adores the prat. So yeah, he’s Arthur’s.”

Gwen giggled. “It doesn’t really swipe at you.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow and pulled up his sleeve to show faint scratch marks. “He does. He also climbs all over me while I’m trying to work and yowls at me if he sees me with food. Honestly, it’s like having another Arthur around.”

Gwen giggled again. “I’m sorry.”

Merlin shrugged. “At least he’s cute, unlike His Royal Highness. So what did you need?”

Gwen’s amusement immediately fled her. “I-I wanted to say thank you.”

Merlin’s blinked. “Me? I should be thanking you. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, Gaius, and Arthur.”

Gwen shook her head. “That wasn’t what I meant. I wanted to thank you for-for saving my father when he grew ill during that plague.”

Merlin felt his heart skip a beat. “Your father? I have no -”

“Merlin, it’s alright. I know.” She glanced at the doors before stepping closer to him. “When you were ill, you summoned a ball of light to your hand.”

Merlin’s eyes widened.

“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone. I swear. It’s the least I could do after you saved my father and then tried to turn yourself in when I was accused.”

“I swear, Gwen, I never meant for you to -”

“I know, it’s alright,” she pulled him into a hug and he quickly returned it.

They parted after a moment when something occurred to Merlin. “You said I summoned a light? Did Gaius see too?”

“No, I hid it under your blankets. No one saw.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you. ”

Merlin smiled at her, then turned to walk through the door to Arthur’s room.

“Merlin,” he heard Gwen squeak.

“You were right.”

“I usually am, Merlin. You’ll need to be more specific.”

The warlock rolled his eyes. “I was the one that summoned the light for you.”

“Obviously. Who else wou-” Arthur cut off with a choke as he glanced past the boy. “Merlin!”

Gwen stepped up to Merlin’s side, looking between him and Arthur with terrified eyes.

“So… Gwen knows. As does Arthur.”

“Merlin!” two voices shouted.

A final note since I've gotten a few questions about this: FtS is request based. That means I'm putting out chapters based on requests by you guys. As such, this story isn't going to be chronological as you guys aren't requesting them in chronological order. It's actually fun for me because I've got the story planned out all the way until "The Changeling" and am currently rewatching “The Castle of Fyrien” to take notes at the time of posting this so I can put in a few references to events that you guys haven't seen yet to incite your curiosity. In fact, the next chapter is skipping all the way to series 3, so brace yourselves for some surprise character appearances!

Additionally, I went back and edited Merlin's age in the last chapter. It seems I forgot Merlin would still be sixteen at the time of those events. Oops!

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

@help-i-need-a-cool-username​

What about the fact that whenever Arthur thinks he might die, he immediately relies on Merlin to look after Gwen, instead of choosing either his surviving family or another noble? 

What about the fact that whenever Gwen’s life is in danger, Arthur always sees Merlin thinking of a plan, or suggesting one? Episode 3x10 shows a clear example of this. Or what about the fact that Merlin risked his friendship with Arthur twice during episode 4x11, because he supported Gwen, despite her banishment?

Why do you think he relies on Merlin to get Gwen flowers, such as the hilarious (but slightly ridiculous) breakfast-in-bed scene from episode 5x10.  I don’t think Arthur is unaware of Merlin and Gwen’s friendship at all.

How often do you think Arthur forgets Gwen and Merlin are best friends? My guess is all the time. Like he knows they're friends but he doesnt quite grasp that they're best friends. Gwen talks about Merlin a lot? Arthur finds that completely normal as he spends all day everyday with Merlin so talking about him isnt weird and therefore he doesnt make the connection that Gwen doesnt spend the same amount of time with Merlin. Merlin always knows what Gwen would want? Of course he does he really personable and always in everybody's business. He's basically doing his job by knowing everything Arthur needs him to know. Plus Arthur would never jump to the conclusion that Merlin is good with girls.

Idk i just feel at multiple points in their marriage Arthur's commented on something like "why are you giving Merlin so much time off" or "you need to stop stealing Merlin from me" and her response is "well he is my best friend" and he chokes on his drink because he forgot but also the thought that Merlin is close with a girl is ridiculous but that Merlin is close to Arthur's wife is unbelievable

[seyaryminamoto]

The Magical Bodyguard - Chapter 1 - Mergana

A slightly late birthday present for the lovely, wonderful @chillbunnie!

So far rated T, no idea if that’s going to change in the next installments xD 

Hope you enjoy! :D

The detonation was unavoidable. The bomb had been carefully planted, perfectly hidden amongst the countless gifts her admirers had sent to her. How had security allowed such a breach? Had someone snuck in later, placed the detonating device amid the flowers and fled before he could be caught?

… Was it an inside job?

The possibilities were endless, and there was no safe passage through the horrifying thriller her life was becoming after this. Not when she had to fear for her life and her son’s in this way.

She had noticed the bomb around thirty seconds before it exploded, which gave her the opportunity to escape unharmed. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, regardless of how many people came by to tell her she needed to relax, to rest, to eat, to do something other than sit where she did, her arms surrounding Mordred, her eyes lost in the horizon.

There was nothing more precious for her than the lives of those she loved. She had to make sure her son would be safe, that her touring team would be alright as well… so there was only one alternative to ensure their protection: there was only one place she could turn to now.

The life of a famous movie star was luxurious and blissful, even if it also brought disconnect from your loved ones. But Arthur thoroughly enjoyed the hard work that went into acting his best in every scene, into promoting his films and into interacting positively with his fans to keep them interested in him.

Yet the pressures of such fame also caught with him, along with the negative consequences for it: he was never alone anymore, no matter if he wanted to be. His agent would be in contact with him constantly, his assistants would chase after him all day ensuring he had everything he could want, and the worst of them all, his bodyguard, would always clumsily cause more trouble than he was worth whenever he had nothing to do.

Arthur had many expectations when he had contacted Gaius Security and been told a bodyguard would be assigned to him: his first thought was that it would be a man two heads taller than him, with a perfectly neat haircut, muscular and broad-shouldered, dressed in a black suit, with a white shirt and a black tie, and perhaps with those dark sunglasses that the agents from Men in Black wore. Then he thought maybe it would be a beautiful woman, but deadly, who would pass unnoticed and nobody would suspect her to be his bodyguard until she proved her prowess in aikido, judo, karate, kung fu, and whatever sorts of martial arts a bodyguard would know. 

The last thing he would have expected would be a lanky guy, more or less his height, with outstanding ears, an innocent face paired with a mat of black hair that he probably had cut himself. He was awkward, he was talkative, he was everything a bodyguard shouldn’t be. Arthur had tested his fighting skills to find them utterly lacking, and he was appalled upon hearing he didn’t even have a single gun on him, let alone did he know how to use them.

Yet he was told by Gaius that this bodyguard, Merlin, was one of his very best employees. He promised him that, by the time something bad was about to happen, Merlin would be able to sort it out long before Arthur even realized he’d been in danger.

The promise hadn’t held up entirely, for Arthur noticed the threats quite often, yet miraculously all sort of coincidental things seemed to happen whenever Merlin was around. On one occasion rain had started pouring while they were outside, and Merlin suddenly pulled out an umbrella seemingly out of nowhere. Arthur was positive he wasn’t carrying one before, but Merlin insisted that he was. On another occasion, during a game of poker where Arthur had put in a bet far heftier than he should have, Merlin bumped the table by mistake, apologized profusely, and after that, the cards Arthur had been holding were suddenly better than they’d been through the entire game.

Such small feats carried on happening ever since he hired Merlin: a fire in the kitchen got out of control by Arthur’s carelessness, and as soon as Merlin was there, the threat had been quenched. When Arthur forgot his car keys, Merlin somehow had them with him – which had led Arthur to accuse him of taking them to mess with him, yet he knew he had forgotten to take them in the first place. Too many odd things happened around Merlin, and Arthur wasn’t sure what was what anymore: all he knew for certain was that his life was indeed in less danger of any kind whenever Merlin was around, even if he failed to understand why. 

So when he received a call from his sister’s assistant, asking him for Gaius’s agency’s number, Arthur knew just what to do.

 “Everything is alright, Morgana. You’re safe here,” said Gwen, smiling and patting her friend’s shoulder reassuringly.

Morgana sighed and shook her head, her gaze drifting towards where Mordred was sitting, playing with a videogame console. He was aware of the dangers they were in: Morgana had never been one to hide serious matters from her son, and with a potential murderer and stalker on the loose, she wasn’t going to take any risks by keeping Mordred uninformed. He had taken it well, though he was playing some unusually violent games right now. She wondered if he considered that training in case they were ever in danger again.

“It’s my home. I should be safe,” she agreed with Gwen. “But… but don’t you think it’s far too suspicious? How could they get through Morgause’s security checks? I mean…”

“Oh, please. You don’t suspect your sister, do you?” said Gwen, sitting next to her. Morgana shook her head. 

“Not her. But her husband… he’s never liked me,” she said, looking at Gwen meaningfully. Gwen grimaced.

“Cendred? Well… isn’t this taking it a bit too far?” she asked. “I mean, if you don’t like a relative you just try not to talk with them much. He would have to be a genuine madman to want to hurt you this badly.”

“I don’t know if he is or isn’t,” said Morgana. “All I know is… that I have no idea who to trust.”

“Well, you can trust me,” said Gwen, reaching for Morgana’s hand. “And you certainly can trust Arthur, too. He said he had just the man for this job. Someone who’ll make sure no true harm ever comes to you.” 

Morgana gave Gwen a weak smile and nodded. Despite everything, she knew that was true. There were a few people in her life that she knew wouldn’t hurt her, and amongst them were Arthur and Gwen. She knew no one as kind-hearted as Gwen, and her brother, thick-headed as he might be, had his heart in the right place. He would help her for certain.

Or at least, that was what she thought until she met the fabled bodyguard Arthur had gotten for her. 

They arrived only half an hour later, on Arthur’s sports car. Gwen made sure to open the door for them while Morgana ushered Mordred to tidy up, since they would have visits. Mordred obeyed promptly, but before they could go greet Arthur, he hugged Morgana tightly.

“What is it, Mordred?” she asked, smiling kindly. He sighed. 

“We will be fine,” said Mordred, lifting his gaze towards her. She raised an eyebrow.

“Is that a statement or a question, dear?” she asked, cupping his face. Mordred smiled a little, in the way he’d only smile at his mother.

“You’ll see,” he said, before releasing her and sprinting off to the house’s vestibule, the green hood of his favorite sweater swaying behind him.

Morgana stared after him with curiosity before following him, wondering what did her enigmatic child realize that she had yet to understand. Mordred had always been a mysterious young man, but well-behaved, silent and gentle-mannered. Somehow she always felt he was one step ahead of her, remarkably intelligent as he was. She wouldn’t have had it any other way: all parents loved to see their children outdo them, after all. 

She heard Arthur greeting Mordred, and she smiled as she stepped into the vestibule. Her brother beamed upon seeing her, spreading his arms to envelop her in a hug.

“Morgana!” he said, hugging her tighter than usual. She patted his back and smiled reassuringly.

“I’m fine, Arthur. Truly,” she said. He didn’t let go yet, though. 

“I made sure to come here as soon as I had a chance,” he said, pulling away, his hands still on her shoulders. “When Gwen told me, I… I really was scared for a moment. But you’re too smart for those bastards to get you, aren’t you?” 

“I would certainly hope to be,” said Morgana, smiling gently at him. “Thank you, Arthur. We were shaken up, but it’s all fine now. I’m glad you could come.”

 “We really ought to live closer to each other,” he said, jokingly. “It would have taken us less time to get here if we did…”

“Surely,” said Morgana, still smiling until she noticed Mordred and Gwen were distracted with someone else in the room.

He was tall, lanky, with dark hair and an easy smile. Mordred was looking at him with his bright eyes peeled, while Gwen eyed the dark-haired stranger with curiosity. And the stranger eventually brought his eyes up to Morgana’s, his smile waning slightly as he caught sight of her.

“Ah, I should probably introduce you,” said Arthur, smiling after an uneasy silence took the room while Morgana studied the new arrival with confusion. “Morgana, this is Merlin.”

“Why… nice to meet you, Merlin,” said Morgana. The smile came back at full force as he approached, extending a hand towards her.

He shook her hand powerfully at first, but he softened his touch soon, as he swallowed hard nervously. Morgana was quick to suspect he wasn’t someone who interacted with women often.

“I-I… nice to meet you too. Morgana,” he said, with a gentle voice. She couldn’t help but smile as she looked at him, releasing his hand.

“Who might you be, though?” she said, before glancing at her brother. “Arthur, didn’t you tell Gwen you’d bring your bodyguard? I thought…”

“You’ve just shaken hands with him, Morgana,” said Arthur, with an amused smirk. “That loser is my bodyguard.”

Merlin bit his lip and shot a glare at Arthur’s cocky smirk.

“Thank you. Always glad to hear you appreciate my services,” he said. Arthur laughed under his breath while Morgana stared at Merlin with completely different eyes now.

“Y-you’re the… you?” she asked, eyeing him up and down. “I… I mean, no offense, but I really expected something very different from this.”

“Oh, you don’t know half of it,” said Arthur, placing a hand on her shoulder. “He’s no good in martial arts, heck, I’ve given him a couple of beatings when I’ve tried to train with him! And he’s also useless with a gun, can’t even hold, let alone load one, and…”

“What? How is he a bodyguard if he’s…?” said Morgana, looking at Arthur in disbelief. “Is this a joke, Arthur? Because as much as I appreciate the effort, I’m really not in the mood for something like this. I need a professional, I’m apparently in mortal peril, and this is who you bring to help me?”

“Morgana, you have no idea just how effective this man is,” said Arthur, moving towards Merlin and clasping his shoulder. “You’ve never seen a bodyguard quite like him, I’m sure. He’s such a magnet for bad things that all of them will happen to him instead of you. Believe me, I’ve been in many bad situations and somehow he manages to keep everything under control, beats me how. I know he doesn’t look the part, but he’s certainly trustworthy.”

“How…?” said Morgana, looking at Merlin in confusion. He smiled apologetically. 

“He’s not doing the best he can to plead my case,” he said, chuckling. “But I do have a better track record than you’d think. You can ask Gaius if you’d like, he’s my boss. No harm has ever come to anyone I’ve been assigned to.”

“Are you maybe… talented with computers, then?” Morgana asked, raising an eyebrow. “Do you excel in cybersecurity?”

“I certainly have a knack for it, yes,” said Merlin, smiling again. Somehow seeing him grin was comforting, even though Morgana wasn’t sure she should feel comfortable at all. “I will make certain to update all your security protocols, install new ones…”

“He also has a knack for staying up all night, he’s a great watchman,” said Arthur, beaming. “So, what do you say, Morgana? Is he good enough for you?”

Morgana breathed deeply and looked at Merlin with uncertainty. Everything about him looked unfavorable, she certainly didn’t feel comfortable by working with a bodyguard who had next to no physical talents… but there was something about his warm smile that made her want to say yes, even if she wasn’t sure it’d be wise, or safe. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to focus and think of Mordred’s safety. As much as she wanted to trust Arthur, he wasn’t the shrewdest man she knew, far from it. She doubted he meant any harm, but he might not understand the gravity of the situation completely.

“Arthur, I…” she said, turning to look at her brother, but she felt a hand clasping hers.

She lowered her gaze to find Mordred looking at her with his bright blue eyes. It was always hard to read what Mordred was trying to say when he acted like this, but he still gave Morgana pause. Somehow, it seemed he wanted her to accept Merlin. Why, though?

“Mordred?” she said. The boy bit his lip nervously.

“I trust Uncle Arthur,” he said. Morgana raised her eyebrow, ready to say something to counter Mordred’s words, but she found she couldn’t find any of her own. “I… I think he can help us.

Morgana looked at Merlin again, with curiosity and confusion now, her lips parted. He stared at her with uncertainty before smiling a little more enthusiastically. She huffed. 

“Really, then?” she said, caressing Mordred’s hair. “Well… if you really think so, Mordred, I suppose we can give this a try. But if it doesn’t pay off, I’ll be holding you responsible, Arthur, and you only.”

Merlin smiled and Arthur snorted before shaking his head.

“None of that, there’s no way this will backfire on you, sis!” he said, waving a hand carelessly.

“I understand this may not be the most comfortable situation…” said Merlin, looking at Morgana earnestly. “But I promise I won’t let any harm come to you or Mordred. You have my word.”

Morgana’s instinctive response was to doubt Merlin’s promise, but she berated herself mentally for doing so. She smiled warmly at him and nodded, holding back from telling him that others had promised to never hurt her before, and yet they had gone back on their word after burying dagger after dagger in her back. The scars still hurt.

Arthur offered to give Gwen a ride home, since he had to head out for an appointment at some talk show, and Morgana, Mordred and Merlin saw them off with smiles. Gwen hugged Morgana tightly, promising her that everything would go well. Morgana only nodded and smiled too, surrounding her friend with her arms and telling her to be patient with her brother. Gwen sighed as Morgana laughed, and she waved while sitting on the front seat, while Arthur drove away from the house while focusing fully on the road.

“Well… I suppose you’ll need a tour?” said Morgana, raising her eyebrows and looking at Merlin. “Mordred, would you like to show him around?”

“I will,” said Mordred, nodding and looking at Merlin. “If you want to update all security protocols we should start right away.”

“Ah, so you know your way around technologies?” Merlin asked, smiling. Mordred nodded.

“I wrote in some modifications into our codes already,” he said. “If you’d like to see…” 

“Sure thing,” said Merlin, smiling before looking at Morgana. “I’ll get down to business right away, then.”

“Please do,” she said, smiling back.

Morgana watched them go and sighed once they were upstairs. Had she had a leave of her senses, or keeping Merlin around was a better idea than she thought? Somehow she had the feeling Arthur had set them up for matchmaking rather than because he genuinely worried for his sister’s safety… but she held her thoughts back and shook her head. She had to trust Arthur. If she couldn’t even trust her own family, who would she trust at all?

He inspected the house in its entirety, leaving no room unexplored, no place unchecked. Mordred led him through the halls, watching him with his large eyes through it all. It hardly gave Merlin the chance to do everything he had planned to, but he guessed he’d wait to set up his security protocols properly once they boy had turned in.

For some reason, Mordred seemed very interested in him. Merlin briefly wondered if it was that he didn’t have many adult male figures in his life… though for all he knew, the boy was simply sharper than most. Perhaps he could sense something in Merlin that Merlin often hid from everyone…

“Have you helped your mother configure the security cameras?” Merlin asked, as Mordred showed him the monitors where they kept tabs on them. The young boy nodded.

“I’m sure you’ll know just how to operate them, Emrys,” he said. Merlin’s eyes widened and he looked at Mordred in surprise.

“What did you just…?”

His jaw dropped as Mordred smiled and laughed softly.

“You’re him, aren’t you? The hacker,” he said. Merlin gawked at him in disbelief.

“How would you know that… that I’m a hacker if you hardly know me? I’m a-a… a bodyguard,” said Merlin, with an uneasy smile. Mordred laughed again.

“But your mind is full of codes and magic words, Emrys. It is you, I’m sure. I could sense you were a magic user, even through the internet,” said Mordred. “Your abilities had to be aided by…”

“What are you… what are you talking about?” he said. Mordred sighed 

You can’t hide who you really are from me, Emrys.

Merlin’s eyes widened at the voice inside his head. Mordred’s smile gained a quality of mischief to it.

“You… you have magic,” Merlin said, kneeling before Mordred, his mouth agape. “You’re…”

“I’m a magic user too, though I haven’t learned much,” Mordred admitted. “But I knew right away you were one, too. A glimpse inside your mind showed me…”

“Do you do this often? Looking inside other people’s heads without them noticing?” said Merlin, raising his eyebrows. Mordred bit his lip.

“Sometimes,” said Mordred. Merlin smiled, to his astonishment. Mordred had expected him to berate him instead.

“Then you’ll be my most valuable assistant in this case, Mordred,” said Merlin, standing upright again. “Truth is… I’ll certainly need your talents. I don’t know how to look inside other people’s minds, but if you can…”

“You think I might discover whoever is attacking my mother?” Mordred asked. Merlin nodded.

“You’re a smart boy. I’m sure you noticed, just as I did as soon as I heard of the situation, that the perpetrator…”

“… Is within my mother’s closest circles,” said Mordred. “It has to be. But… I don’t know who it is.”

“I take it her assistant, Gwen, is clear from suspicion?” said Merlin. Mordred nodded.

“She loves my mother,” he said. “As do I. And Uncle Arthur, too. Mother is…”

“A wonderful woman, or so I hear,” said Merlin, smiling. “Arthur often spoke about her fondly, though in the way siblings speak of each other, of course. But he said she has too kind a heart for her own good. She keeps donating her winnings to charity, doesn’t she?”

“She wanted to start one, too,” said Mordred. “Aunt Morgause wasn’t too happy about it…”

“Aunt who?” said Merlin.

“Morgause. Didn’t Uncle Arthur speak about her?” Mordred asked. “She’s my mother’s older sister. Well, half-sister. Just like Uncle Arthur.”

“He didn’t speak much about her, no,” said Merlin, frowning slightly. “Very well, I suppose I’ll have to ask you to keep an eye on everyone your mother interacts with. People don’t guard their thoughts, since they’re not aware that magic is real… so you shouldn’t have it too hard to find whoever has targeted your mother. Though I do have to ask… why would someone target her at all? Does she have any enemies you know of? Perhaps she stole some other woman’s boyfriend or…?”

“No, she didn’t…” said Mordred, laughing softly under his breath. Merlin raised his eyebrows.

“Well, it was just an idea,” said Merlin, smiling too. “She has no current partner, then? I mean, in romance. I… I just mean, a boyfriend. Lover. Fiancé…?”

“No, she doesn’t,” said Mordred, smiling. “And she thought you were cute, but I don’t think she’s ready for a relationship yet.”

“What? Now, hold it there, I wasn’t implying… she thinks I’m cute?” said Merlin, his eyes widening. “Does she really, now?”

“That’s all I’m going to say,” said Mordred, laughing softly. “Is there anything else you need to see? I… I was in the middle of a game, so…”

“Oh, please, don’t let me keep you. I have all I need,” said Merlin. “I’ll just set up magic wards all over the place and… say, your mother doesn’t know about your magic, does she?” 

“No, of course not,” Mordred shook his head. “But…”

“Yes?” said Merlin, raising his eyebrows. Mordred bit his lip.

“I’m not too sure, but I think… I think she may have magic of her own, too,” he said. Merlin whistled with interest.

“What do you mean?”

“She has trouble sleeping,” said Mordred. “Nightmares. And sometimes she swears they… they came true. But she always dismisses them later, so I’m not sure…”

“Can’t you tell if someone’s magical just by looking at their minds?” Merlin asked. Mordred shrugged.

“Maybe, but… I’ve never learned how to find magic in people’s minds,” he admitted. “I… I could use a good master.”

“I’d offer, but that’s an art I don’t know much of,” Merlin said, with a weak smile. “But I could speak with Gaius. He’s quite knowledgeable about magic, and might know just what your kind of magic is, Mordred.”

“I… I’d like that,” said Mordred, smiling. “Thanks, Emrys.” 

“Don’t mention it. Seriously,” said Merlin, raising his eyebrows. Mordred’s smile widened as he turned and made his way back to his videogame console.

Merlin inspected the house again, setting up some magical wards right away, but hoping to set up the more sophisticated ones when both Morgana and Mordred were asleep. Some of them were far too complicated to weave quickly, and he would focus better once his two charges were adrift in peaceful slumber. For now, though, he had to take care of the part that was most nerve-wrecking: getting all the information he needed from Morgana herself.

It wouldn’t be nerve-wrecking if only Arthur’s half-sister wasn’t the striking beauty she was. He had gawked at her like an idiot, he was sure, and she had been so kind as to not make a big deal out of it. Only… she certainly must have thought him to be an idiot. And she probably thought Arthur was one, too, for bringing Merlin to her. Surely she thought he was incompetent… but hopefully he would prove her wrong in due time.

That she might have magic startled him, though. Arthur was utterly devoid of any magical abilities, so Merlin had assumed his sister would be the same. But prophetic dreams were an unequivocal sign of magic…

He found her in the kitchen, taking care of dinner. He raised his eyebrows and stepped in as silently as he could, twisting his hands nervously behind his back as he gazed around the luxurious kitchen with amazement.

“Isn’t it strange for a high-profile singer like yourself to cook your own meals?” he asked, startling Morgana a little.

“What? No, of course not,” said Morgana, with a skeptical smile. “A lot of celebrities cook their own meals.”

“Not your brother, he doesn’t,” said Merlin, smiling and approaching her. “He has a personal cook, visits every two days to prepare anything he may need. And if he runs out of meals, he forces me to cook and then complains because I’m no good at it.”

“Arthur just loves having anything to complain about. Don’t mind him,” said Morgana, with a friendly smile. “So… how was the house? Found any security flops anywhere?”

“Actually, it’s very well protected as it is,” said Merlin, nodding. “I will probably spend all night updating drivers and softwares for your protocols, yes, but I’d say you’ll have no cause for concern in this house. It’s… everything else that’s worrisome.”

“You mean once I go back to touring? Or maybe even when I’m just heading to the studio?” Morgana asked. Merlin swallowed hard.

“Honestly, anything is a possible hazard, at least, from what I know,” he said. “And I don’t know much, so… do you have any suspects?”

“Why, other than anyone?” said Morgana, raising her eyebrows. “A lot of people have access to my backstage, far more than there should. Technicians, musicians, managers, agents, you name it. It’s impossible to narrow down which one of them could have brought the bomb…”

“Do you think they hired someone to do it, then?” Merlin asked. “Told them to set it up amongst your gifts, paid them a load of cash for it…”

“I… I don’t know, truth be told,” said Morgana, shaking her head. “But I did think that… that it can’t be an actual fan. Every gift that’s brought backstage for me is thoroughly inspected. It had to be responsibility of someone else, whoever it was. But what’s worse is…”

“Is?” said Merlin, as Morgana fell silent before releasing her breath with resignation.

“I’ve received death threats for some time now,” she said. Merlin’s eyes widened. “I paid them no mind, Morgause said some people send such messages to celebrities all the time, so…”

“Your sister, right?” said Merlin. Morgana nodded. “Is she… someone you trust?”

“What? Oh, you don’t honestly believe my own sister would…?” said Morgana, looking at him skeptically. Merlin flinched and raised his hands apologetically. 

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just not sure where she fits in all this,” said Merlin. “Arthur hardly talks about her, and…”

“They’ve never gotten along,” said Morgana. “She’s my sister from my mother’s side, he’s my brother from my father’s side… it’s complicated, really. Even though we’ve all known about each other since we were young, I was the one who interacted with both of them. They were both very different people, always have been, and Morgause… well, she’s not exactly fond of Arthur because of some immature things he did to her when we were children. They’re slightly incompatible, in regards of personality…”

“Yet you’re close to the two of them, aren’t you?” said Merlin. Morgana nodded.

“I seem to have the exact traits to share with Morgause to get along with her, and the attitude required to deal with Arthur’s foolishness effectively,” she said, smiling. “I know Arthur is thick-headed, but he has a good heart, deep under all those layers of obnoxiousness…”

“Don’t I know it” said Merlin, chuckling. Morgana smiled apologetically.

“I’m sorry if he’s been too harsh on you. I know he has a knack for acting like some stuck-up prince, especially since he’s a movie star now…” she said. Merlin waved a hand carelessly. 

“No need to worry. I work with Arthur, and as long as I do my job, everything will be fine,” he said. Morgana raised her eyebrows.

“So you don’t mind so much that he introduces you by saying you’re a loser?” she asked. Merlin laughed nervously.

“I can’t quite say I like it… but there’s probably more truth to that than I’d like to admit,” he said, with an apologetic smile. “For a bodyguard I may be far too clumsy for most people’s tastes.”

“Huh. Odd that you’d be able to serve in this line of work in spite of that,” said Morgana, raising her eyebrows. He chuckled.

“I manage,” he said. “So, who do you suspect? According to what I understand, and seeing how Mordred as well came to that conclusion, I figure you know that…”

“The attacker should be no stranger to me, yes,” said Morgana. “You had asked if I had any specific suspects, right?” 

Merlin nodded and Morgana bit her lip as she carried on stirring the stew she was cooking. Her reluctance to answer that question with further detail made Merlin crook an eyebrow.

“There’s… well, my sister’s husband has never been fond of me,” she said. “His name is Cendred. He’s a businessman, thinks all celebrities are frivolous and whatnot. I honestly don’t know why my sister married him, I doubt they’re even in love… well, I doubt she is. Maybe he does love her, I don’t know…”

“Why do you think he’s not fond of you? Just because of his reservations towards celebrities?” he asked. Morgana shrugged.

“Not sure. Maybe it’s also because I don’t go overboard in spending my money and donate lots of it…”

“Well, I think that’s wonderful of you,” said Merlin, smiling. “There are so many people in need in this world, and you do your best to help them because you have the means to do it. A lot of people wouldn’t do that…”

“Yes, and Cendred is one of them,” said Morgana. “He believes that, if people can’t make connections and earn their money on their own, they deserve to starve, pretty much. We’ve had several arguments over it, and… well, Morgause always tries to mediate between us, but I can see she agrees with him, on some level. She’s always been driven and ambitious, so she thinks I should enjoy the rewards for my hard work instead of, well, wasting it, the way they see it.”

“It’s too bad they see it that way,” said Merlin, frowning. “You’re very noble, helping others the way you do.”

“If I were in their place, I’d like for someone to give me a hand, too,” said Morgana, smiling. “It’s just a matter of empathy, I suppose.”

“Yes, surely,” said Merlin, grinning back. “I think they’re both wrong to dismiss what you do, Morgana. You’re wise not to listen to what they may say.” 

“Thanks, though sometimes I think I’m not so wise,” she said, laughing softly. “Else I guess I could avoid these threats and attempts on my life, right?”

“It could be that someone wants to turn you into some sort of martyr,” said Merlin, thoughtful. “Don’t know why they would want to, but it wouldn’t be unheard of. Sometimes fans are… well, driven to madness by the object of their devotion.”

“I doubt a fan did this, Merlin…”

“But the death threats may not be linked to this attempt on your life,” said Merlin, raising his eyebrows. “How did you come by those threats, if I may?”

“Through… fanmail, yes,” said Morgana, nodding and frowning. “Then you think there could be two people trying to kill me?”

“Well, it could also be the same one, trying to scare you through the letters to mislead you,” said Merlin. “But if it weren’t…”

“I honestly don’t understand,” said Morgana, rubbing her forehead with her fingertips. “I… I don’t know why they’d do this. But…”

“But?” said Merlin, leaning closer as she dropped her voice.

Morgana seemed to be about to say something, but she shook her head and smiled warmly at him instead.

“Nothing, really. I was just… thinking nonsense,” she said, widening her eyes and checking the stew again. “Can you fetch me the plates? They’re on the cupboard…”

Merlin nodded and tried to follow her indications, clumsily opening several cabinets instead of the one she had pointed at. She had been distracted by the stew before noticing he had left all the small doors open. She raised an eyebrow. 

“That cupboard,” she said, pointing at it again. Merlin blushed and smiled.

“Oh. That one,” he said, following her finger this time around. Morgana couldn’t help but smile with uncertainty.

“Careful, take the smaller ones at the top of the pile if you…” she said, as Merlin struggled to pull them out.

“How many should I take? Three? Fo-ouch!”

After lifting a couple of plates momentarily, Merlin had lost his grip on them while asking Morgana his question, and they had fallen on his fingers, squeezing them against the plates on the rest of the pile. He withdrew his hand and rubbed his sore fingertips, looking at Morgana apologetically.

“Oops,” he said. Morgana snorted and shook her head.

“You really are that clumsy, huh?” she said, approaching to take the plates herself after turning off the stove. “I guess I’m lucky you didn’t break them.”

“I have broken some of Arthur’s, he always rages at me for it,” he replied, chuckling.

He carried on smiling, though he grew slightly nervous at being in such close proximity with Morgana once she came for the plates herself. Merlin swallowed hard and took a step back, uncertain if she would want to be that close to him. Surely she wouldn’t, they had only just met and so far, he was sure he hadn’t made much of an impression on her…

“Well, I certainly won’t rage, but I’d rather you don’t break anything either way,” she said, smiling and raising her eyebrows. “A bodyguard should keep me safe instead of putting me in danger of, say, stepping on shards of broken plates.”

Merlin bit his lip and failed to hold back a smile, his cheeks flushed, his eyes avoiding hers. Morgana only smiled fondly and returned to the stove.

“You can call Mordred, we should be dining soon,” she said. Merlin nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes, yes, I… I’ll do that,” he said, smiling and rushing out of the kitchen, leaving behind a grinning Morgana.

It was odd that she would smile so much, but she wasn’t doing it just to be polite, she realized. She genuinely felt like smiling around Merlin, even if she couldn’t quite pinpoint why. After having spent days on end wallowing in misery and fear, having him around actually served to appease her worries. Why, though? Indeed, he was clumsy, and certainly a good listener, but how was it so easy to feel safe when, according to Arthur, Merlin had no impressive talents to speak of?

The question kept coursing through her mind as they ate, and again she was filled with that sense of comfort and ease as she watched Merlin and Mordred discussing videogames and internet jokes, from what she understood. Mordred looked uncharacteristically happy, which naturally made Morgana happy too. Even if Merlin ended up proving to be incompetent somehow, at least Mordred had found a new friend. He had a hard time getting along with children his age, shy and withdrawn as he usually was, so seeing him discuss his passions with such excitement filled Morgana with utmost relief.

She set up a room for Merlin after dinner was finished, and Mordred and Merlin took to doing the dishes together. Their blooming friendship was quite sweet, she thought, so she gave them time to themselves while she prepared Merlin’s bed. Only, it didn’t seem he planned to use it.

“So you’ll stay up all night?” she asked, raising her eyebrows once she let him know his room was done. He smiled apologetically.

“I intend to make sure nothing will happen, Morgana. Don’t fret, I’ll be alright,” he said. She bit her lip.

“I wouldn’t fret, I suppose, but… you do realize you need to be in perfect shape if you intend to protect us properly, right?”

“Oh, certainly,” said Merlin, smiling.

“Then make good use of that bed once in a while, alright?” she said, with a more commanding voice than she intended. Merlin laughed softly under his breath. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, just… you reminded me of Arthur a bit,” he said. 

“Why, I should probably be insulted by that,” said Morgana, smirking. Merlin chuckled.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” he said. “It’s only… he talks in that tone too, sometimes. Only, it’s usually to tell me to do things for him instead of to take care of myself.”

“Well, my brother tends to be imposing that way, but you might find I’m not quite like him in those regards,” said Morgana, smiling gently now. “Have a good night, whether you sleep at all or not, Merlin.”

“T-thanks. You too,” he said, smiling back and fighting down the urge to blush. Morgana’s smile widened as she left to her own room, leaving Merlin to stare after her.

There was no denying she was beautiful, quite possibly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen up close. It was unexpected for one as lovely to the eyes to be kindhearted too. Merlin was certainly grateful to work with someone so pleasant this time around.

Why would anyone want to harm a woman like her, though? The question kept rolling through his mind, and he had no idea how to answer it. He didn’t understand why anyone would be as cruel as to think a woman like her should die. If murder could ever be justified in regards of who deserved it and who didn’t, he was dead-certain Morgana would be the latter every time.

Yet someone disagreed, or, at worst, two people did. She certainly had it right, it might just be one person who acted through two different means, but it could also be two different people altogether. They had to prepare for the worst case scenario, whatever it may be.

Merlin continued to set up all his security protocols through the night, but even though he built more and more cybersecurity walls, what he was really working on were protective spells. He crafted spell after spell, ensuring he’d know whenever something came too close to the house, creating a charm that would induce sickness to anyone who might walk in uninvited, amongst other things. He was in the process of building a final layer of security, around Morgana’s bedroom specifically, when he heard something unexpected inside her room.

He drew up the footage of the camera that Morgana herself had planted on her bedroom, in case any assailant tried to sneak inside it somehow. There was nobody else inside, or else his other spells would have alerted him… but she was restless. She was twitching in bed, and suddenly she sat up with a start, breathing heavily. Merlin frowned: what was that about? A nightmare? It looked far too intense for just that…

He bit his lip and closed the window. As much as it worried him, it wasn’t his business to pry into her sleeping patterns. He needed to respect her personal space or else she’d be affronted, no doubt.

But just as he finished crafting the defensive spell, the door to the bedroom swung open. He guessed Morgana was off to a midnight bathroom break, or maybe to get some water… for some reason he felt his stomach knotting up with nervousness. Why should he be nervous? It wasn’t as though she’d come talk to him, or to ask anything else from him…

“You… you haven’t gone to bed?”

Her voice startled him, her question made him jump and turn to her, his nervous smile on his face as he struggled to stay composed. She sure was beautiful in that long nightgown of hers…

“I was just… still working on the cybersecurity,” he said, smiling as confidently as he could. “Setting up better protocols, lots of them… and what about you? Why are you awake…?”

“I… I couldn’t sleep,” Morgana said, biting her lip and approaching him. Merlin blushed as she made to sit next to him. “What sort of protocols were you setting up?” 

“Oh, it’s all long and tedious to explain,” he said, smiling still. “I’m sure if you heard it you’d fall asleep right back… so maybe I should explain, then?”

“I’d rather not fall asleep again, at least not right now,” Morgana confessed. Merlin stared at her in confusion.

“Was it… a nightmare?” he dared ask, guessing as much from the footage he had watched. Morgana sighed and nodded briskly, as though she didn’t want to discuss the matter. “Well… it’s gone now, right? You’re awake, everything’s fine, see?”

 “Y-you don’t understand,” she said, smiling while biting her lip. Her eyes avoided his. “It’s not fine. It’s not about… about what’s happening right now. My nightmares… ah, you’ll think I’m crazy.”

“I will?” Merlin asked, raising his eyebrows. “Try me. You might find I’m… well, a little more open-minded than most people.”

“Open minded with esoteric matters?” Morgana asked, staring at him matter-of-factly. To her surprise, Merlin smiled.

“Especially with esoteric matters,” he said. She swallowed hard.

“I… I don’t mean horoscope things, if that’s what you thought,” she said. Merlin laughed.

“I didn’t think you meant that” he said, typing a few more codes into the computer.

“How do you feel about… about prophetic dreams, then?” Morgana asked. Merlin frowned and looked at her.

“I feel that they’re something rare, but also… somewhat terrifying, I’ll say,” he whispered. “Have you seen your future?”

“I… I don’t know. Maybe,” said Morgana, shrugging. “I… I never told anyone but I saw the bomb. I… I saw that explosion before it happened. It’s why I knew where it’d happen, when… why I could escape when I realized the dream was coming true.”

“You got everyone to safety,” said Merlin, raising his eyebrows with amazement. “That’s incredible. But… did you see something else in your dream now?”

“I did,” she said, swallowing hard. “I didn’t see myself in the nightmare about the bomb. But in this one I… I was there. I saw how the man just… raised the gun at me. Then he fired and… and I woke up.”

“A man?” Merlin asked, turning to her and as good as forgetting the computer before him. “What sort of man? Anyone you knew?”

“No, he was a stranger,” said Morgana, shaking her head.

“What did he look like?” Merlin asked. Morgana opened her mouth, waiting for a good description to roll out instinctively, but none did.

“I don’t know, he wasn’t very unique-looking, I guess,” she said. “In his fifties, maybe? Round-faced, angry-looking… but cold-blooded, too. His head was mostly bald.”

“And you’ve never met him before?” Merlin asked again, sighing. Morgana looked at him in confusion.

“Do you believe that was a real vision, Merlin? That I… that I saw the man who’s trying to kill me?”

“Maybe,” he said, biting his lip and staring at her pointedly. “Have you always had these sorts of nightmares?”

Mordred had already told him so earlier, of course, but Merlin wanted to check for himself that the boy’s story was right. Naturally, Morgana nodded.

“Well, yes, but… not always this vivid. Not always about my personal life,” she said. “I’ve had dreams about catastrophic happenings before they happen, but it’s usually not related to me. Still, it’s about things I can’t control or stop… like tsunamis, earthquakes, mass shootings…”

“Always violent things?” Merlin asked. Morgana sighed.

“Are you psychoanalyzing me?” she asked. He smiled.

“No, I’m only curious. If you want a more psychoanalytical take on what your subconscious is saying, though…” he said, somewhat playfully. “I think your mind is protecting you, somehow. It’s a self-protecting technique, so to say…”

“Okay?” said Morgana, raising an eyebrow. “But how come can I do that when most people can’t? I can’t remember anyone else claiming to foresee misfortune the way I do.”

“It is rare, but… perhaps you have a talent you’d never imagined,” he said. She sighed.

“Well, sometimes I’d rather not have it. It’s not that I wanted to die in that explosion, but… I do lose too much sleep because of these nightmares.”

“Of course,” said Merlin, looking at her sympathetically. “And after what you’d seen in your dreams, you don’t want to go to sleep again in fear of seeing the same things…”

“Yes,” she whispered. He sighed.

“Well, you can stay up with me, if you’d like,” he said, smiling. “Maybe sitting here will help soothe you? 

“Won’t you go to sleep sometime soon, though?” Morgana asked. Merlin shrugged.

“Not too soon, though. I have a few last things to tweak,” he said, focusing on the computer again.

Morgana sighed and dropped against the couch’s backrest, closing her eyes despite herself. The memory of that gun, that face, seemed burned into her retinas. Fortunately, it meant she’d be able to recognize the man if she ever came across him.

Merlin continued to work, but he started mouthing and whispering things Morgana didn’t quite understand as he did. She opened her eyes to stare at him, wondering if it was some other language. It certainly sounded like it.

“What did you… what are you saying?” she whispered. He turned and smiled.

“Just reciting some foreign mantras. Nothing serious,” he said, appeasing her. She nodded.

“Alright, then.”

But as time passed by sleep stopped eluding her, and she succumbed to it easily, her head tilted sideways as she rested on the couch. Merlin sighed and turned once his sleeping spell worked, and he gazed at her wistfully. She was so beautiful, but so broken-hearted, too. She had seen much grief as it was, and he felt a powerful urge to look after her.

So he lifted a hand to her forehead, and forced himself to recall the right words. Once he recited them, the tension she still seemed to suffer from disappeared. Her eyes relaxed, as did the rest of her body. Merlin had to catch her before she toppled sideways.

“Alright… off to bed we go,” he said, sliding an arm under her knees and lifting her.

He carried her back to her room gently, laying her amid the soft sheets. He tucked a strand of her hair away from her face, and he gazed at her placid sleeping figure. He wasn’t sure his spell would last long, but hopefully it would keep the worst nightmares at bay. She was too young to suffer as she had.

“Good night, Morgana” he said, with one more smile before standing up to leave the room.

The image of the man and the gun in his hand did not torment her anymore through the night.

[hakka84]

I get the need to romanticize the (lesbian) of the show and I’m all for MorgGwen as couple but... what, Morgana is missing that she didn't manage to kill Gwen the last time she saw her? That she didn’t spat enough venom at the person who stood by her until the very end (and with “the very end” I mean even after Gwen discovered Morgana had betrayed her in Queen of Hearts)?

- Morgana put Gwen's life at risk back in Castel of Fyrien by using her as bait to catch (and kill) Arthur - and she agreed in putting her supposed “friend” into a psychological torture situation. The fact she didn’t do it personally, but left the “dirty work” in the hands of Cenred and Morgause doesn’t mean her hands are clean. - Morgana actively planned to have Gwen put to death (for charming the Prince) in Queen of Hearts (and smirked all the while). She didn’t just talk Arthur into inviting Gwen, she didn’t just bring Uther to the place where Arthur and Gwen were chilling out, she suggested to Uther that Arthur was under a love spell and puts a bloody poultice under Arthur’s pillow to prove the point! - and Gwen didn’t die only because Merlin stepped up and took the blame for the love enchantment. - Morgana brought Lancelot back from the dead in order to use him to make Gwen fall in love with him, knowing fully well that, if Gwen was discovered (and she planned so that she would, and by Arthur), the law would demand that she be condemned to death. - Morgana turned Gwen into an animal prey and made sure she would be in the same woods where Arthur was hunting, so that Arthur killed her.

Why should she feel "equally betrayed and abandoned" when she's the one who betrayed in the first place? Why, because Gwen decided to be loyal to Camelot (personified by the true heir, Arthur) and not to the self-appointed-queen who just had innocent (poor) people killed just to sick a finger to Leon and the knights that refused to accept her as new queen? The same queen, I shall remind you, that actively tried to frame Gwen for magic in a kingdom where you can get yourself a pyre if you are found using magic? And Morgana framed Gwen for charming a Prince - the only son of the very guy who sends magic users to the pyre - not Servant#1, for whom Uther could give a damn. Why, because Gwen refused to die after Morgana went in her petty fit of jealousy because "the throne is mine that bitch won’t have it!!!1!!”?

Morgana stopped expecting loyalty from Gwen when she decided Gwen was a pawn to be sacrificed in order to get rid of Arthur back in Castle of Fyrien. She doesn’t feel betrayed when Gwen frees Leon and runs from Camelot: actually, she and Morgause are happy because she likely will lead them to Arthur.

Morgana must have really missed Gwen, when the first thing that does, when she’s free again and has the chance to meet Gwen (let’s not count Another Sorrow, she’s in disguise - although she doesn’t seem much more than ehr usual hateful and irked when she’s in front of Gwen in the two scenes they share), mentally and psychologically torture Gwen to mold her into an ally to kill Arthur. Who hasn’t been tortured for days by their ““soulmates”” like Gwen in The Dark Tower, nowadays? Pff.

Seriously, can we look at Morgana and be a bit objective? I could understand if Morgana missed Gwen during the time skip between season 2 and 3 (hoping that their friendship stood even after she would put into motion the plans to get rid of Uther), or if Gwen missed Morgana in the time skip between season 3 and 4 (missing the lady she served, and not that evil bitter shadow of the last months, torn between the pain of betrayal and pain for knowing the merciful, caring and loyal Morgana she has know is lost and gone), but... during the timeskip after the season 4? When their last meeting was this?

GWEN What did I do to make you hate me so much?

MORGANA It's not what you did, it's what you're destined to do! I'm sorry, Gwen, but I can never let that happen!

and Gwen came out of it by a “fortunate”(=Merlin-induced) crash of the ceiling? (and Morgana didn’t seem much torn or sad when she said that Gwen had to die because of “destiny I don’t like”, BTW).

Did we see the same tv show? Whenever I get a “Morgana stan” post in my dash I grow the feeling that I didn’t get access to the “Morgana is an innocent flower uwu” cut you all clearly got. It’s the only explanation.

Do you consider all the actions I listed above as show of love? Because I only see abuse and hatred there and I would be very worried if someone doing this all “missed me”. The only “missing” Morgana could feel would be in a sadistic meaning, the missing an abuser feels for their favorite pet/toy they like to hurt.

But let’s, for a moment, believe that Morgana is soooo torn and haaaaas to (quotations needed) kill Gwen because of destiny. Good. At the end of season 4 Gwen is crowned. She’s the Queen. Her destiny is fulfilled. Morgana should have no more issue with her. She can miss Gwen.

Except.

Here, behold the face of someone who spent two years in a well missing Gwen, upon seeing Gwen trying to flee scared. [Katie was at the start of her acting career in Merlin but even the shittiest of actor wouldn’t make this face if their character is watching someone their character has missed]

Behold the care with which she gives water to the (land near the) woman (she missed so much) that has been walking all day (dragged by her). Please notice the pained look on Morgana’s face, she’s clearly feeling sorry. Yep.

Behold how Gwen is pampered, given a comfortable horse to ride on while they move to their honeymoon house in Lesbian Dream Land where they’ll be Power Lesbian Queens™:

Behold how worried Morgana is for Gwen’s here, truly, she’s clearly broken:

I'm all for headcanons, but this is a complete rewriting of the tv show into one in which Morgana didn’t abuse of Gwen’s trust and Gwen somehow betrayed Morgana.

Thinkin about Morgana sitting at the bottom of that well missing Gwen, while at the same time Gwen is sitting on the throne missing Morgana, both of them feeling equally betrayed and abandoned by the other person