#guys idk whats happening to my body but its scaring the shit out of me 😭😭 like why do my legs feel like they want to be seperate from my

[dansevilpianotea]

vent in the tags

[sorastage]

i’m not yours!

rejecting randoms that hit on you. lucifer / mammon.

leviathan / satan

lucifer ☆

while on an outing with him, you get separated for a bit. you’ve gone off to a cotton candy stand and you’re counting all the cash you have.

you realise you don’t have enough spare change…

“fuck… i don’t have enough.” you say to the vendor, but as you’re about to walk away, a random demon slams some cash down and pays for your food.

“it’s okay my dearest! i’m here to help the cutest human ever out.” he proclaims, as he flings his arm around your neck while forcing the cotton candy cloud into your hands.

“who the fuck are you? i don’t need you paying for my shit.”

“don’t get snappy with me. i could rip your heart out in a second.” he snarls, practically spitting onto your face.

“are you insane? if i called lucifer right fucking now you would die. immediately.” you spit right back at him.

his eyes look above your head and he suddenly starts sprinting in the other direction.

“what..? i’m not that scary!” you turn around, and notice that lucifer is standing right behind you.

“so, you’re using my name to scare off demons. you’re lucky i was here before anything really bad happened.” lucifer smiles while looking at your shocked face.

“i was handling it fine by myself! i didn’t need your help!” you start to protest.

“yeah. sure. whatever.” he grabs your free hand and starts to pull you away from the stand, where a crowd of demons have gathered.

“you should hold my hand so you don’t get hurt. and eat your cotton candy before it melts.”

mammon $

after him relentlessly bothering you to come and spend time with him at the casino, he ignores you to play infinite a few rounds of blackjack.

bored of watching him go on a losing streak, you take off to the bar.

as you state your order, someone suddenly puts their arm around you and says, “it’s okay babe, don’t get your purse out, it’s all on me.”

you turn round and see a demon waving his card around while grinning at you.

“no, that’s fine. i’m here with my boyfriend, i don’t want to give you any ideas…” you try to reject him nicely, as he doesn’t seem like that bad of a demon.

“well my darling, your boyfriend doesn’t have to know…”

what?

“do you know who my boyfriend is?” you ask, trying to save this man the embarrassment.

“probably no one worth worrying about. definitely broke too. just take the drink and come with me sexy.”

ughhh, what a disgusting creep!

“this is your last chance. i’m being nice. go home.” you warn him. whatever happens next, is not your problem.

the demon’s face twists into one of rage. he grabs your arm and tries to drag you out of the casino.

you lean forward and bite his arm as hard as you fucking can.

“get off me!” you shriek.

he screams in pain and yells obscenities at you.

he lurches towards you and there’s a loud bang.

“mc?? are you okay? i heard you screaming and- i saw this guy- i’m so sorry for leaving you alone-” mammon starts to freak out as he checks your body for injuries.

“i’m fine. just a bit shaken up… he tried to get me to cheat on you with him! he’s crazy!”

hearing this nearly drives mammon off the edge of the world, but he tries to stay calm in front of you.

“yeah. he’s fucking insane if he thinks you would ever leave me for him. you know what? let’s take his cards and get out of here? how about that swanky restaurant that opened near here?” mammon shakes the beaten demon down for his cards.

he kneels down and asks the near-unconscious demon, “what’s your pin?”

he takes the credit cards with the highest limit then announces,

“this guy’s pin is 8463!”

as a flock of demons start to crowd the man, mammon takes your hand.

“just stay close to me next time. i don’t want this happening again, you hear me?”

“wait. i have to do something very important.”

you take the drink the freak bought you off the counter and dump it onto him.

yes. maturity at its finest.

————————

idk, maybe i’ll do this for the others too.

i hope i’ll see you again ღ

thanks for reading ☆

[luvrxbunny]

idk

Pairing: No Outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Prompt: Praise 

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, praise (kinda like body worship), age-gap, piv, unprotected sex (lmk if I forgot anything)

WC: 2.8k

A/N: this might suck im so sorry, its super rushed. also I couldn't think of a name (not proofread at all)

You shake your head as your friends laugh. They always think it’s funny, and although it doesn’t bother you very much, it’s still quite annoying. Your friends seem to think that your relationship with Joel is a fling, some sort of manic, impulsive decision to date someone so much older than you. You’ve explained to them over and over again that what you have with Joel is as real as it gets. You’ve never been more in love with anyone, but they think you’re dickmatized, they’re waiting for you to ‘snap out of it’.

“I told you guys, I love him.” You state before finishing your drink, rolling your eyes at the way they giggle. You check your phone for updates but all you get is Joel’s same ‘15 minutes away.’ text that was there the last time you checked. You pray that every light he comes across is green and the streets are empty, you want to get out of here as soon as possible. 

“I don’t even know if I believe that!” Stacey is drunker than she should be, saying things she shouldn’t be. You’ve grown used to it now, she’s the one who has the most to say about your relationship. “I feel like you treat him like…” She laughs abruptly. “Like he’s your boss or something!” She cackles again at the way your face drops. “And he- he could be, ‘cause he’s so old.” You take a deep breath and look up at her, your face blank as her laughter dies down. 

“Joel is-” Just uttering his name from your lips brings a smile to your face. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He understands me, my needs, and my wants in a way that I don’t even understand. I’ve known him for a year and a half now, I’ve known you much longer, yet he knows more about me than you ever will. He’s my everything and that’s never gonna change. I’m not upset at you, just to clarify.” You say with a soft chuckle. “I think all of this is coming from a place of jealousy if I’m being completely honest. I hope that you find someone who loves you like you’re his entire universe.” You begin to collect your things, deciding you can wait for Joel outside. 

“He makes me feel like an angel, like-” You laugh at their shocked and confused expressions. They have no clue what you’re talking about, it makes you pity them a bit, but it mostly makes you happy, feeling lucky you were able to find it. “Anyway…” You chuckle awkwardly and stand to leave. “That’s how I feel about him. So, if you could like… not, say things insinuating that I don’t love my boyfriend, I would really love that.” You smile and awkwardly bow/curtsey at them, waving and walking away. You’re a bit embarrassed at the silence in the room as you walk away. You turn the corner as quickly as you can and jump at the man standing in the middle of the foyer. 

“Joel!? Oh- You scared the shit outta me!” You place a hand over your heart with a smile, taking deep breaths as you walk toward him. “Did you text? I’m sorry there was an… altercation.” He nods at you slowly and only then do you realize his stare. It’s different from the one you usually get, softer, more watery somehow. “I know.” He pauses to take a deep breath as you reach him. His hand reaches out for yours and you take it with a confused smile as you both start walking to the front door. “I uh- I heard actually.”

Joel feels your hand tense in his for a moment as you let out a nervous giggle. “Oh! That- That’s great.” You chuckle and glance up at him for a moment, mumbling. “That’s so embarrassing.” He laughs gently at that, his hand leaving yours once you guys reach the car. “That’s not true, darlin’.” He says as he climbs into the car. You’re chuckling quietly, still embarrassed as you ride home in near silence, the only noise being the little hum of the radio. 

He doesn’t bring it up until after dinner, you’re both on the couch, in Joel's shirt, watching some movie that recently came out but Joel’s mind is on the rant he heard from you earlier. He had shown up unannounced due to his phone dying mid-way through the drive-over. He heard Stacey mention the way you act toward him, how unaffectionate you were. Joel doesn’t necessarily agree with that but he’s definitely questioned your feelings toward him before, constantly wondering if you actually like him or if you’re just lonely. So of course he wanted to hear your answer, he prepared himself for the worst, held his breath, grit his teeth, and waited for the pain of your answer. His heart stuttered when you paused after “Joel is-” 

He was ready to hear the most heartbreaking words tumble from your mouth next, but then you said he was the best thing to ever happen to you, and his heart stopped. His eyes went wide as you rambled on, saying wonderful thing after wonderful thing. He felt his heart tremble inside his chest, loving the things you were saying, and the way you were defending him against your friends. The fact that you were outwardly announcing the extreme feelings you have for him made so many different emotions swirl through him. He was in a daze until you turned the corner, and he’s fallen into that same one again. 

You can feel Joel staring at you, you can see his head turned your way from the corners of your eye. You’re trying to ignore it, but he clears his throat and you turn toward him. “You okay?” His face is a bit frantic and he’s looking at you in that way again, the one you couldn’t really explain. He’s taking slow breaths and turns to you, letting you know this was going to be a whole conversation. You face him, letting the TV play because you don’t even understand the movie anyway. 

“Why don’t you talk to me that way?” His question baffles you. You glace over at the TV, seeing if he's referring to something that happened in the movie but come up with nothing. You turn back to him slowly, watching his expectant, worried expression, and furrow your brows at him, prompting him to explain himself. “Back at Stacey’s house, you were sayin’ real nice things.” You feel the temperature in the room rise as embarrassment creeps into your bones. 

‘Why don’t you talk to me that way?’

“Do you want me to?” You ask concerned. You would never want to even imagine that Joel isn’t feeling loved enough, that you’re not giving him enough, despite all the things you do for him. You reach out for him, waving your hands toward yourself to motion him closer. His head is hung, staring at the couch’s cushions as he scoots himself to you. “I can start telling you all this stuff. I- Honestly I didn’t think you’d want to hear it.” You giggle nervously and take a sudden interest in the couch's patterns. 

Joel’s shocked to his core at your words but quickly takes your opening. “I’d really like it if you’d tell me... I get worried that maybe you don’t- “ He takes a deep breath, his chest heaving with a sigh. “That maybe you don’t like me as much as I-” You cut him off with a hurt, yet firm, “No!”

“Joel you’re so so-” You grunt, unable to explain the way he makes you feel. “You just- You’re everything good, and positive, and amazing in this world.” His entire body relaxes as he lets out a relieved sigh. “You’re perfect. You can’t even argue with me on that. You’re literally my dream guy. You’re kind, even though you’re hot enough that you probably don’t even need to be as nice as you are. You care about me and my feelings even though I’d probably just let you use my body, and throw me away if you really wanted. I-” You pause and take a breath- already worried about how he’ll take some of the things you’ve said. You give him a shy smile, a small laugh slipping out at his dazed look. 

Joel couldn’t breathe as you spoke. His heart was swelling at every word, but there was also a dull hum in his lower stomach that was growing the longer you did. It flares up when you meet his eyes, giving him that pretty smile he loves so much. His head is all jumbled up. He doesn’t know if you’ve asked him something or if he should be responding. All he knows is that he really wants- really needs more. “Can-” He clears his throat, stalling and trying to clear his mind a bit. “Could you tell me more about- about my looks? How-” He feels anxiety flare in his chest as he requests. He’s looking at his hands, examining his knuckles, completely terrified at how you’ll react to the request, scared that you’ll have a look on your face that’ll break his heart. “How do you feel about ‘em?”

Joel has to fight the urge to run his fingers through his hair, run his nails along his beard to comb it and maybe cover the patches. He’s already regretting asking you. He didn’t get enough sleep last night, he probably has bags and he can’t even begin to think about how many gray hairs he has littering his head, and his beard. This shirt is a little too tight too, he can feel his stomach pressing against the fabric.

What do I expect her to say? Fuck, this was a stupid fuckin’ idea. I should’ve at least looked in goddamn mir-

His thoughts are cut off by a squeal and your shaking body. You’re wiggling yourself back and forth on the couch, bouncing in excitement. “Oh my god, Joel, I have so much to say.” He’s astonished at your excitement, at how eager you are to praise him. He can feel the humming in his stomach intensify. “You’re so-” Your voice drops to an adorably shy whisper. “You’re so fucking hot.” He lets out a soft gasp as you straighten your back, place your hands in your lap, and put on a semi-serious face before speaking. 

“So the first thing that’s coming to mind right now is your thighs.” His eyes flicker down, but it doesn’t clarify anything. “How big they are, how thick and meaty- Ugh! I love them so much!” His heart warms and his pulse races at the way you’re smiling, as though telling him these things brings you actual, genuine, joy. “So next I’d like to mention your arms- oh, your arms. They’re so thick, you’re so strong” Your hand comes up slowly to squeeze his bicep, then caress it softly and he can feel himself hardening in his pants. He finally understands the feelings your words cause, he’s grateful, feeling incredibly loved, and insanely turned on. 

“Now I wanna talk about your shoulders! Okay so, what really messes me up like- in general, is how fucking-” You take a shaky breath, that shy smile on your face again as you look at his lap, almost crying at how empty it looks. He notices your hesitance, where your gaze is and he sits back, opening his legs a bit wider and tilting his head toward it. He’s ready to have you on him, for you to know how this is affecting him. His breathing is already speeding up at the thought, watching you climb into his lap. You gasp, eyes wide, a devious smile on your face as you stare at him after feeling the way he's pressing into his jeans for you. “Joel…” Your tone is teasing but playful, bringing a smile to his face as you settle yourself in his lap. 

“You like this? That’s why you want me to talk to you all nice?” His mouth drops open as his hips tilt up, pressing into you as his cock hardens fully. You can feel him filling out his boxers as he nods eagerly at you. You’re grinning as he lowers his hips back down but keeps a small grind for his personal sanity. “Can you keep-”

You’re nodding and continuing before he can finish. “You’re so big, Joel.” The compliment comes out as a whine and you tilt your hips toward him, pressing your chest against his, and your clit into the tip of his dick. He’s groaning your name and bringing his hands to your hips, pushing you into him. “You’re so broad, m-makes me feel so safe.”

He’s kissing your cheek as you speak, grinding up into you, and pressing your hips to him. Your head is getting clouded, consumed with your love for Joel, with the pleasure you’re giving him. “You- Your hair.” His heart stutters slightly, nervous about what you’ll say. “The curls, and it’s so soft and-” Your eyes slip shut as your hips take over, moving on their own as you grip Joel’s hair, pulling him into your chest. “The salt and pepper look is so good, Joel.”

“Fuck me.” His eyes roll back and his hands push your hips up. His hands fumble with his belt as you smother him in your chest, whining about how much you love him. “Love that this turns you on s’much, baby. It’s so fucking cute.” He can hear the smile in your voice and his eyes roll back as he lets out a sweet moan of your name, pressing the heel of his palm into his dick for a moment. 

“Sweetheart, I gotta-” His words are broken by a whine as he finally gets his cock out of his pants, wrapping his warm hand and pumping his cock perfectly. He could cum like this, with you above him, telling him about every feature of his and how it affects you. Your hips are still swiveling in the air as you speak, waiting and looking for something to press against your pussy. It’s the only reason he doesn’t just keep jerking himself to your words. “I gotta fuck you, darlin’. Need you so bad, I want you so much.”

You don’t even look back, you just pull your panties aside, and lower yourself onto him, trusting that he’ll lead himself to the right hole. You’re clinging to his neck as you sink down, moaning his name over and over as he stretches you out. “You’re so tight, baby. Holy shit.” You clench down on him, and pull out of his neck, pressing a sloppy kiss against his mouth. 

He’s thrusting into you slowly, hands gripping your hips to keep your rhythm steady. You’re letting out beautiful moans and little mumbles into his lips, not having the restraint to pull away for even one second. Joel slides his hand from your hip, up your back to hold the back of your neck gently, and pulls you away from him. “What is it, honey?” 

He’s breathless as he fucks into you, his dick pulsing already. He grunts and closes his eyes as you moan incoherent words at him. You’re trying to answer him, your brain has completely turned to mush from the way he’s pounding into you. “-eyes are so p-pretty.” 

Joel’s eyes snap open again. “Your lips are so soft and-” You’re still praising him, still rattling off your list of things that you find arousing about him. He doesn’t understand how you even have this much material, how even though you’re too fucked out to grind yourself on his cock properly, but you can still talk all about how much he turns you on, and how beautiful you think he is. He can feel his balls tightening. 

His hand cups your face, sticking his thumb into your mouth as you whine and hump him harder. He’s trying not to focus too much on how warm, and wet your mouth is and slips his thumb out, ignoring the whimper you give. He relishes in the groan that’s pulled from your chest as he puts pressure on your aching, swollen clit. He’s rubbing circles before you can finish your moan of his name, your eyes roll back, and your body tenses. Joel’s in shock at how quickly he’s got you cumming around him. Your pussy spasms and your hips jerk against him with your mouth open in a silent moan. 

Joel keeps his finger running over your clit as he watches you cum, still thrusting into you, chasing that last push he needs to fall over the edge. You give it to him without him having to ask. “Fuck me so perfect, Joey-” You pitch up into a whine and tangle your hands in his hair roughly. “A g-good boy, such a great guy-” You’re cut off as he bucks into you, his hips lifting off the couch completely, almost throwing you off as he groans and fills you to the brim.

He’s resting his head against your shoulder, his arms wrapped around you and holding your body to his as he throbs inside you, spilling all he has into your pulsing hole. He's huffing out groans in time with the ropes his dick is spurting into you, his entire body shaking as pleasure takes him over. You’re encouraging him the whole time, talking him through his orgasm, helping him tame the fire that’s raging through him.

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed, here's the rest of my Kinktober Works and be sure to check out my Main Masterlist!!

[pansy-picnics]

Sorry but your recent artwork has me thinking about parent Varigo and I have to dump my thoughts somewhere. I feel like, if they actually had a kid it would be really emotional for them but in different ways. Varian finds out he’s pregnant and is a little scared at first, but he actually adjusts to the idea pretty fast and is excited about it, because he’s in a good place now and has a good support system. He doesn’t have to worry about his family judging him, he knows they’ll still see him for who he is. Hugo on the other hand is terrified. But not because he doesn’t wanna be a dad, he’s pretty excited about that, he’s just really scared that Varian is going to get sick from the pregnancy, or that the whole experience is gonna be too much for him. He feels like this is just another thing he’s “putting Varian through” because he’s still not quite over the guilt of his betrayal years ago, and now it’s coming back to haunt him. They work it out of course and Hugo realizes that it’s gonna be okay and that he also can depend on Varian’s family for support because they’re his family too. Now I’m emotional. Anyway I love your art <3

AUGHHHH YEAH YEAH THIS IS SO REAL!!!!! i love plots like that fr, their characters are so fun to explore😭😭😭 Honestly? i think in the right circumstances hugo could be a deadbeat dad. like he could just straight up leave bc he’s paranoid varian or the kid would get hurt or he’d put them in danger or something. he’s the kind of guy who’s always Running! like i could think of scenarios where he’d run away on their wedding day too. those are both horrible extremes SORRY FOR THE ANGST I JUST THINK IT’S NEAT.

i think hugo’s always WANTED a family but its something she’s always viewed as unachievable, mostly bc of the shitty living situation hes been in for most of his life. she could barely survive on her own and she’d never want to drag someone else into that yk? and she’s still scared of that commitment even after she moves into the castle, bc what if she DID have a kid and then something happened and she couldn’t take care of them anymore, or she ends up on the streets again….and what if she just ends up abandoning them? what if she’s no better than the parents she never even knew? it’s like, obviously she wouldn’t do any of those things or be in those situations but she has….a Lot of anxiety around it for sure. but i also think that she tries to adopt literally every orphan she and varian see. she LOVES kids as much as she pretends she doesn’t and its very obvious….she just hasn’t really had the privilege to be able to think about it until now.

varian…i think he goes either way, he doesn’t really plan to have kids but he’ll kinda learn to adjust to whatever, he’s also just a very family oriented guy so he’s definitely not opposed to that kind of role. in my head they usually adopt bc i think varian like, Hates anything related to the human body at all so even disregarding the gender dysphoria pregnancy is SO gross to him. idk why i just think he’s silly like that. hell make bombs and poisonous chemicals but he remembers people have organs and he wants to throw up. i’m not opposed to the idea of them having biological kids at all though…especially considering all the art i’ve already drawn for it’s us against the world LOL. personally i think even if he weren’t opposed to the idea he’d be miserable the entire time, and not even like in a serious way necessarily he’s just REALLY mad that he can’t work in the lab anymore. he’s pissed about EVERYTHING, actually. he’s bored and he’s tired and he can’t work and he feels like shit and he doesn’t really have any other hobbies either. his whole life and routine has been completely fucked over for nine months and SURE he loves the kid and he’s excited but like why does it need to be in there that long. why can’t it just come from the stork or something. 🙄/j

i think he might pick a few fights with hugo bc of it, just because he’s so overwhelmed and emotional and doesn’t know how to handle it, but hugo’s really understanding; also they’ll honestly take any kind of treatment from him because they’re like, “Yeah i probably deserved that”. which varian does NOT like btw and always gets on his ass later to stick up for himself more while also in tears apologizing for yelling at him

idk i just think them as parents would be Sooo silly. neither of them have any clue what they’re doing. dude if those two had a baby? Dude can you imagine? varian’s sooo fucking sheltered i think he’s only interacted with like, 2 babies in his entire life. quirin stays with them for tje first few weeks bc varian literally just has NO clue what he’s doing and is crying to him all the time. and hugo like, has an idea of what to do but he’s also SUPER paranoid. they’re both just staring at the kid while they sleep not so much out of adoration but because they’re just terrified they’ll stop breathing at any moment. you cant convince me that either of them know how to change a diaper. They’re gonna bring out like full lab gear. like the gag where the dads will pull out full hazmat suits for the diaper change. That’s them idc

ruddiger is also SO protective of their kids from the moment they’re born, like he jumps up into the crib and snuggles up with them and they always IMMEDIATELY stop crying. olivia is the opposite. she’s kinda like a toddler who just got a new sibling she didn’t want. shes pissed that she isn’t getting hugo’s full attention and keeps being a brat about it. hugo’s just trying to calm down his baby and olivias glaring at him while she’s about to push a glass off the table

yeah idk i. have a lot of thoughts abt them too they’re so beloved to me

[stevie-petey]

hello your honour (m), me and my partner, val @southelroy would like to take this opportunity to defend our client, one steven marie harrington. we intend to prove, beyond reasonable doubt, that his behaviour and actions are born from a place of genuine trauma, that his intentions, while marred in teen angst, are clear, and finally, that his bearing is better than certain past, shall we say........bonds.......cough johnathan cough.

idk how longer i can keep this bit going, but seriously, guys c'mon cut the guy a break, all steve and bug have been doing since midway season 1 is drive their car to struggle citadel and pray at its pews. Also m this season is so crazy delicious i will get into singing your praises in a minute, after i prove my case with evidence. thank you.

firstly, i'd like to establish a baseline from which we can work upwards from. frankly, steve clears. he has been worshipping the ground bug walks on since the day he saw her, and he made clear his high regard of her the moment he got to develop some sort of friendship/relationship with him. even just taking these last three chapters, the amount of outward steve shows bug, completely unabashedly, is ridiculous. it was the most physical, outward admiration bug has gotten out of her peers, aka, the teen boys her age. I'd like to point to one moment in particular, "You exhale deeply, wrapping your arms around his body, and Steve nuzzles his face into your neck and presses a gentle kiss there.". This parallel to johnathan and bug ending their closeness at the end of season 2, as well as the phone call/car ride johnathan takes in season 3, posits steve as the new "love interest", the new What-if/maybe of bug's love life. However, his romantic intentions are much more straightforward than johnathan's ever were. The end of season 2, he very clearly stated that he wanted to, eventually, be in a relationship with bug, that he would need some time before it happened, and bug understood this, and agreed to it. This is drastically different from Not Talking About It for years on end. I would argue that bug herself knows, at least to some extent, steve's feelings for her. She certainly knows the care he feels for her, "You know he doesn’t want to scare you, that he’s always trying to make things easier for you, so you tilt your head at him and nod slightly; you want him to tell you." The ease with which they kiss each other's cheeks is an openness bug did not experience in season 1, especially when shit with nancy and johnathan started becoming #real #deep. there is a certainty that is present in these interactions that bug and johnathan did not have until they were literally doing a friend break up.

Now that we've established the evidence of steve's background, i'd like to move the jury to view evidence of motive, with your permission your honour (hi m <3). As stated in the opening statement, bug and steve are getting stamps on that struggle card like their featured on tlc classic, extreme couponing, and baby they are making cashback! Bug's daddy issues are well documented, as are steve's. In fact, they are so well established, that the defense would like to claim that throwing a gren@de at mr. harrington's car would be an all round net positive to society. We know that steve thinks highly of bug, including post spring summer of '85, and that while they have moved past it, o would argue that a fear of abandonment is not unfounded in the young man's mind, particularly when his own self image is currently being shredded by a medieval torture device known as mr. harrington. Steve is being beaten down, it sounds like quite frequently, "He hadn’t turned into who had expected to become, something that you know his father reminds him of every time he comes back from some business trip. ", and it's showing in his relationship(?) with bug, "Steve leans into your kisses and smiles at the praise, relieved that you don’t think he’s some idiot." We see this when he rants to robin in episdoe 1, he is an, ultimately, scared and insecure teen, who is getting requited affection for the first time in a long time, from a person whom he deeply respects, admires, and holds dear in his heart, and, unfortunately, was unable to maintain a relationship with him during the beginning of their friendship. I ask you, the court, were we not understanding of bug then? Could we not see the place where she came from? While we disagree with her actions, did we not see the ultimate place she was coming from? Surely we can extend that grace to mr. harrington.

I'd like to perhaps bring in a new angle, that steve and bug's tiff at the end of episode 3 is not their fault expressly. We know bug has a giant guilt complex that makes my religious background look carefree. We know she has a very real fear of having a relationship pass you, due to someone whose name rhymes with bonathan, and is perhaps more sensitive to being strung along than she otherwise would be. We know steve's battling daddy issues, a need to prove himself with a great opportunity right in his lap, and a fear of relationships changing because of someone noticing his inadequacy (very incheresting to me that he's relieved that bug doesn't think he's an idiot.........he's my unmedicated undiagnosed adhd baby.....we're twins in that sense. also in the sense that we like women :P), which could happen when they are in a full blown relationship. Him not knowing how to ask bug out is valid, he's on a new man journey of shedding his old self off, he feels like he's batting way out of his league (he is), and he has a girl who fell out of love with him on his scoreboard, and a girl who used to be in an intense codependent friendship with a boy who is now currently dating said ex. That is a situation to be in!

While me and my partner understand bug's frustrations and empathise fully, and make clear our support of her, we only ask the jury lay the blame not at our defendant steve's feet, but rather the circumstances that have brought them here. And if they really want a target, feel free to aim towards one johnathan byers and mr. harrington, local triple f, (flop failure father).

The defense would now like to play offence. Johnathan, what the hell are you even doing here???? Get out of our family's business! What in the good lord's name are you doing ringing up a girl's number in the dead of the night??? The one you were a hair's breadth away from dating if you hadn't strung her along for a marathon length of time at that???? And then venting YOUR relationship problems, the very relationship you strung her along for, about a girl you left her for!!! The audacity of mr byers!!! While we understand this to be an affront to Ms. Henderson, we posit this is an affront to Ms. Wheeler as well. We ask you, the jury, how comfortable YOU would feel if the guy you were dating, told HIS ex best friend-turned-complicated-situation-turned now friends with boundaries all about your relationship problems while driving around at night, a deeply date like activity? While you may posture and say "oh, well, if it's a girl like Bug!". Girls..... That would make it worse. AS IT SHOULD! We maintain this isn't bug's fault as it isn't her relationship to protect, but mr. byers!

Okay we rest our case.

M, I apologise for this stupid essay above, but omg omgo omg omgogkogmogmgomgm I am EATING!!!!! YOU ATE!!!!!! This was so crazy delivious yummy!!!! Love love love the way steve and bug are interacting, all the casual affection has me giggling and kicking my feet like they're everything hehehehe. All the cheek kisses are so so so cute and making me crave affection like a motherfucker. All the flirting vibes between them is driving me up the wall...."So you admit you're flirting with me?" BITCH! I MIGHT BE!!! I am cheesinggggg. I remember you said that season 4 is going to be stug struggle era and my stomach is in knots already becasue the brief glimpse of unhappiness they experienced at the end of episode 3 made me want to cut my heart out of my chest, you have made them too lovable i fear.

SPeaking of cutting my heart out of my chest, may i say, you served with robin. Like. The struggle of being a closeted person really hit well. Not to get heavy, but the crushing weight of it was so subtly put into robin, it got to me alot. "She hates that you’re purposely excluding her and taking Steve’s side in this. You wish you could tell her the truth." This genuinely is sooooo fvnnvbvknsnbfe. I want to shake her through the screen like girl do NOT fall for your friend whose attracted to boys that is NOT a situation that ends well and you will NOT leave unscathed!! It felt like a lot like high school, when its a big thing you have no one else to tell, and there's too much at stake to say it. and omg. this part, "When Robin sees his wink, she only clenches her jaw and turns away before releasing your hand.". Devestating. If I were robin, i would have had a crush on both bug and steve and witnessed carousel kissy face gate, it would have turned me into the joker, i would have no choice but to pull the nastiest stunt this small town has ever seen. I feel absolutely awful for her, and it makes me kinder to my younger self. Just, omg, really excellent work.

Apologies for the length of this, but just on a final note, i really wanted to say thank you for writing this great story. it's been a tough couple of years, and my brain has gotten worse on me and i really have a lot of trouble concentrating on anything, including things i enjoy, and your story is one of the few guaranteed things i know i can sit down for and fully because i know i will love every minute of it. Wishing you luck and love wherever you go and always rooting for you <3!!

u bringing up bug abandoning steve first ,,, oh ur so right and i WILL be addressing that (steve finally asks for the entire reason ,,,, trust)

and ur so right about how grim of a situation it is. steve and bug reflect the hurt nancy and jon gave onto them. steve is afraid of being lead on again and not being enough (nancy lied about loving him and he wasnt enough in the end). bug is afraid that love itself isnt enough, that theres more than just loving one another that goes into a relationship (jon loved her and yet in the end it wasnt enough).

both babies are hurt :((((

LEAVE JON ALONE THO MANS NEEDED TO VENT TO HIS BESTIE AND BUG WAS ENTIRELY OK WITH THIS !!! SHE NEEDED TO VENT AS WELL !!! (nancy wont be ok with it tho lmao)

and im happy everyone is loving robin <333 i have a cute and sweet scene planned between her and bug later that im so excited to share :')

the final part of your ask, im so so so happy my story means that much to you and i am sending you a million kisses my love <3333 im always rooting for you as well and youre such a sweetheart

[tunaababee]

gonna get really sappy and DEEPLY tmi/personal about twenty one pilots on main so im gonna put it under a cut. i am cringe but i am free and clancy tour coming up is giving me Feelings

i've been a top fan since 2016. i initially had some resistance to them bc it was when Stressed Out was at its peak and like, yall know how oversaturation goes. even if its good, its fucking annoying by proxy. all the 12/13 year olds at my high school were into it. i was turning 17. and it was a really fucking rough year.

i've been deep into homestuck since i was about 14/15, but by age 16 i had branched out into text-based rp and met a guy from italy who i kind of had a situationship with i guess?? at the time?? idk if that's what the kids call it. (whenever i describe how many relationships ive had, i count this one as a 0.5) anyways. it eventually got to a point where he was emotionally abusing me for a period of about four months. it was brief, but intense, especially since im a fucking lovesick lonely teen at this point who doesnt know any better. he lovebombs me, talks to me and acts like i am his girlfriend, gets jealous and shitty if i talk about other people, but then the moment he goes and does the same shit i get told i'm the reason he was depressed, im the reason for his problems, etc. until he calmed down and placated me and won me over again. over and over, regularly, for four months. it was a lot for my little developing brain to handle.

i know people have had it longer, have had it worse, but it really left a lasting impact. i was left with a litany of abandonment issues, and self-esteem and image that was already bad was buried dead in the fucking ground. i wanted to die every single fucking day for those four months. he even told me, as i began to question my sexuality properly, that i couldnt be bi 'because i liked him'.

but he LOVED twenty one pilots. would quote their shit regularly. wore the merch. all that stuff.

by 2016 i'd managed to see clearly enough and have enough support from friends that i felt comfortable cutting him and his circle off permanently. and it was fucking hard. i didn't have a lot of irl friends at the time and it felt like my only support network. after i finally left, i was desperate to feel some semblance of control, take something back, my own personal little 'fuck you' i could carry in my heart.

with all the hype around them, i gave top a try. slowly eased my way in. i knew i was hooked when i heard Holding On To You for the first time. it made me feel like i could take back that control and find a light at the end of the tunnel.

i consumed everything they had put out after that. i saw them live at emotional roadshow sydney 2017, i was turning 18. i made so many new friends. i felt such hope in my heart. i sobbed so fucking hard when they played HOTY. they weren't the only reason i made it through, itd be naive to contribute everything to them when i've done a lot of work and so have the people around me, but they were like a lifeline to hold on to when things were hard.

i went and saw them again in 2018 for the bandito tour. i made my own outfit and was surrounded by people who had done the same. i made more friends, had more adventures. i was dropping out of high school the year that Trench released due to having the worst mental health i'd had probably since my abuse and felt so lost but it helped me feel a little more stable and grounded. like that light was still there.

a lot has happened since. i'll be 25 when i go see them in November, once again at Qudos Bank Arena in sydney. i'm in a happy relationship with someone i love who respects me. i'm doing things that make me happy. i'm happy. i've felt and experienced and lived and loved and lost and done so so so much since i was a scared 16 year old hearing them for the first time. i've gotten piercings and tattoos, something i never thought i'd do, and put their work permanently on my body. i'm so proud every time i see my tattoo on my arm. i genuinely love and accept myself exactly as i am, which is something i NEVER thought i'd do.

having Clancy come out nine years to the day from blurryface, an album that has been so deeply important to me in a lot of ways, gets me real misty. this entire tour gets me so misty. i didn't think i'd live past 18 at BEST. but i'm here and i'm fucking happy.

genuinely cannot emphasise how much this album and this tour means to me. i plan on getting a Clancy tattoo once the album comes out and i've had some time to sit with it. it feels very full circle, i guess. hearing Next Semester has just had me thinking about this constantly and all weepy all the time haha. but a good weepy.

i cannot fucking wait to scream in a stadium full of people again in a way that heals my heart.

[mugzymiik]

hey guys im on that tpc + warrior cat grind so i assigned Ancestor's Strife (a warriors rp with powers ^-^) powers to TPC chars

all Heroes have variants OR hybrids

all monsters have variants

all corrupt counterparts have their pure counterpart's element(s)

Cube/Cubic: metal

c'mon. gears, saws, those fuckin metal claws. /silly

Pentellow: ice

i think she should have it. as a treat. /silly

Iris: light

that thing on his head

Pyrare: rock/sand variant

idk he just gives that vibe

Cyan: rock/sand variant

please please please please please please please please please pl /SILLYJ

Tsavorite: animal communication variant

I dont have an actual reason but also iam NOT being swayed on this /silly

Orange: animal communication variant + fire (hybrid)

animal communication: he and Tsavorite NEED to stick together im NOT apologizing /silly

fire: please just give me this one please please PLEASE /SILLY

Gold: sound variant

honestly the only reasoning i have him down for sound is because i think he deserves to get to make forcefully people stfu. for himself at least

Cyanide: rock/sand variant

one word. or name: Cyan

Lythorus/Lycanthropy: water

idfk i woulda gave him animal communication but i dont want to have a lot of variants on here 😔

Heli: wind variant

helicopter

Ketches: water

boat

Purpex/Hexacrigon: metal

that shit in her bossfight. the line hexagon things???? i dojt know

Marcle: ice

let her and Rincle have ice. PLEASE /sillyj

Squadril: light

FUCKING MAGIC SHOW

Cintagon/Cintagram: light

stars

Circumsphere/Circumcannon: fire

cmon,,,,cannon,,,,,,,,"fire the canon",,,,,,also let him throw a fireball at someone 😭🙏

Quintagon: metal

shovel. thats it

Hexagram/Hexadic: metal

that thing he holds i???? dont know???? what it is????????? also bc the jsab level hes based on is in the factory

Polyhedron: fire

it was originally water but a lot of the fandom considers him like a wizard and who am i to deny them wizard bitch /silly

Circumuscle: body manipulation variant

i think we all know why. /silly

Rincle: ice

let her and Marcle have ice plzzzz /sillyj

Cirtunda: fire

idk

Spheer: ice

IDRK???? I JUST LOOK AT THEM AND GO "yea they look like theyd have ice powers" IDK IF THAT'S JUST ME THO

Ajacent/Ajaceare: water

because her pure design is NOT fire (fire) and it does NOT go hard (ice or metal). im still so salty about this block of cheese we got /silly I DONT CARE IF SHE'S A MONSTER I AINT GIVIN HER SHIT /sillyj

Ajacenus: sound variant

god pls she just gives that vibe.

Ajavex: lightning variant

bc SOMEONE on this list needs lightning at LEAST /silly

Barracuda: sand/rock variant

like his dad

Dub: body manipulation variant

corruption???? hello????? /vsilly

Circusic/Circubit: sound variant

HE CORRUPTS PEPLE WITH MUSIC. OKAY

La Danse Macabre: body manipulation variant

grim repair lookin ass /aff

Trees of Life: probably all of them idk????? ??????? ??????????? ???

God

The Sun: light

sun

Green Tree Monster: animal communication variant + ice hybrid

shares powers with Tsavorite & Pentellow bc. Green Tree

Acrillimus: water

fish

George: no power

(tearfully) i dont like him. /sillyneg-

other headcanons but not really because theyre more of "if they DID have the powers i bet this wouldve happened" but its my blog i do what i want /j:

upon meeting Gold and being told about his sound manipulation Ajacenus immediately started giving him advice on sound manipulation and Gold tuned her out without hesitation and Ajacenus went "nuh uh" and unmuted herself for him basically and it was a neverending battle until Pyrare finally went "this is important quit that" and Gold just tuned them out for him for the remainder of the visit

flowers that are on the more "feral" side when corrupted (cant speak) are able to be communicated with by someone with the animal communication variant- which is how the Green Tree Monster managed to summon so many flowers for that fight in s1ep10

Squadril likes to scare people by turning himself invisible with his powers and randomly appearing next to them

once while they were still figuring out how to control their powers Orange burned Tsavorite on complete accident and Tsavorite sent squirrels after him to be silly and it didnt end well actually (Iris and Pentellow were so flabbergasted by the time they found them because they were covered in squirrel scratches head to toe)

Quintagon and Hexagram have metal fights sometimes

Spheer is REALLY mad that they have ice powers instead of Cool Ass Fire like their granny >:[

[isaysorryverysoftly]

my good experience

even though everything seems bad right now, that's not true. I dont really think that intentionality works in such a way that really affirms the concreteness of moods...

No matter how sad you are you can still think of something good that is happening/has happened and watch as the focus on that 'happening' produces the joy demonstrably inhering within it.

Last night I got upset because I came across some porn on this website. It just really gave me the idea that people were sort of treating other actual people like instruments for their sexual fantasizing. It kind of made me freak out so i went to my housemate and knocked on their door and they let me in. They talked about it with me, we both described the heterosexual-male-gazey thing (Idk whatever you call that weird zheitgheist of like, everyone just being randomly ok with taking photos and videos of real people and sexually pleasuring themselves to a person who did not give consent for them to do that) as being like the eye of Sauron that can like see you from any location and just make you feel shit and like self-conscious and scared of your own body being percieved. That was funny/good because Lord of the rings metaphors are like my main source of comfort ab initio.

Anyway, then they suggested we go to the shops and get some yummy food. We began walking out into the rain and to the shops confidently without realizing that it was already past midnight and the shops would be closed. We then resolved to go to the service station. We got there, and it was closed but there was this burger truck there instead. Now usually this wouldn't present much fanfare as it wasn't a vegan burger truck but then i remembered chips existed and then i rememebred that the other night i had rediscovered my love for mustard. So then i got like a bunch of chips and i asked for them with mustard. And then there wasnt enough mustard, so then i asked for some more, and then there still wasnt enough. So i worked up the courage and asked for even more mustard after awhile and it was only really enough to supply me for the walk home, while we ate our chips as we walked. There is a photo my friend took of the 'not enough mustard' that exists but there is no photo of the 'idk... i guess good enough amount of mustard'. I was really stumped as how i was supposed to explain to the guy serving me how much mustard i needed, like he basically doubled my initial amount when i asked for more but like, what i meant was like 'the most mustard you've ever given to anyone else in your life is a joke compared to how much i need.' I think he got it by the end cause i just sort of kept saying 'i need like, so much mustard, like you dont even know how much mustard i need, its like ridiculous how much mustard i need.' And he was like alright, and he went to the other guy and it was weird, like they needed two people to do it, cause one had to hold the container and one had to do the pouring, and you could like, hear the bottle going empty as this dude squeezed. It still wasnt enough but that was fine i planned to get more when i returned to the house, to steal some from a housemate. I couldn't find any though so i had to use someone's mustard base salad dressing and some tomato sauce.

Then we hung out some more but my friend said that 'they had to go to bed soon, not that i had to leave or anything but just that they wouldn't be as energetic really.' Then they went to their computer and started searching up a live gig by a band. I asked them why they were doing this and then they said that they always put the live performances of this band on as they sleep, because the music is not too hyper and the visuals are nice. I was like ok sure...

THIS WAS THE FUCKING BAND

it was like really hard to comprehend and it sort of was the best feeling ever. To just be like, in this room with someone trying to sleep while i was upright further down in the bed, like watching these shrimp people, and their like hype-person and their like army of different instruments and their amazingly excited dancing. AND ITS PART OF SOMEONES BEDTIME RITUAL EVERY NIGHT!!!

I was completely transfixed for like a good 30 minutes, I just couldnt stop laughing or trying to explain what i was feeling into the words, both the band and hte fact my friend actually sleeps to this band every night and thats how i was being introduced to this band. Eventually i got it, its kinda like if ur fish bowl had a party while you were falling asleep. It's hyper but in an adorable and small and irrelevant and non threatening way that just sort of seems sleep worthy and dream like. Anyway

That's my story i guess.

This is tagged car seat headrest cause im listening to joe goes to school right now

[imthetunnelunderoceanblvd]

Haii, it was awesome to read something dark with the recoms and human fem reader. Maybe a part 2 with the others, I'llgive some short ideas for each.

like Mansk blackmailing reader ( coughOnlyFanscough) to get what he wants. He's got that hacker look

Ja being a medic, so he's gotta hang out a lot at the lab right? So he may use some aphrodisiac drug on reader 'accidentally'

Lopez kiNda looks like a dangerous guy with all of his tattoos. Maybe he scares off the others by threatening them or bullying reader into dating him.

Prager seems like Im nice but not actually. He could be a manipulator type.

yes. i swear i was going to write for the others too but i’m busyyy n my brains not working anymore :( i also made the ja one x male reader cuz idk what happened to me cuz im missing the feeling of being a dude idk omg.

rape/non-con. with the recoms.

part 1 ft. recom. miles quaritch & recom. lyle wainfleet.

1. mansk x single mother!fem!reader. 2. ja/alexander x m!reader.

warnings: vaginal fingering, lactation kink, gay oral sex (m. rec.), pet names, blackmailing, kidnapping?, humiliating, mentions of killing, no proofreading

mansk: you both agreed that its a one night thing. it was too much and you couldn’t handle not being filled anymore. it went nice and smooth and you liked it, you did, really. mansk knew that it was a one night stand and he was fine with it, really, didn’t even care, but the whole thing with you, how small your wrists were, how your tits fit perfectly in his hands, how the way your tummy bulged when he was thrusting into you, he had to record it. and he did. he thought if he recorded it, he could use it against you. and that’s exactly what he did.

“you have no other choice,” you looked at him in disbelief, did he really record the entire thing... why would he even do that, the questions swam in your head as you stared at him with wide eyes, “no, no, no, no i can’t i can’t we can’t this is so wrong. oh god. please just forget about it we can’t do this. let’s both forget about it, please, mansk, let’s not talk about it ever again, okay? please...” he let out a low chuckle, “no, doll, listen, you either go there to the table, bend over and lift your pretty skirt up and let me do you, or else i’ll show general ardmore everything. you know how strict she is with the rules and shit, it’s up to you, really, in the end you’re the one who will lose a job, not me.” it was true. you will end up losing everything you’ve worked hard for. you won’t even have enough money to raise your kid, to provide him a good life and a good school. you bit your lip and looked up at him, your glossy eyes meeting his yellow ones before your hands went to the hem of your skirt, lifting it up exposing your lower body to him, “lose the shirt too,” it came out of his mouth more of a suggestion rather than a command, and like the good girl you are you unbuttoned all the buttons exposing your chest to his hungry gaze, you felt like a slice of meat for him to devour.

“what are you waiting for?” mansk said, slightly annoyed, he wanted to feel your soft skin, wanted to kiss your plump lips, wanted to feel the soft texture of your hair, he wanted you. he couldnt take it anymore. couldn’t bare not being able to touch you, his face dropped when he saw you looking at your feet with a shade of pink tinting your cheek, he lifted you face up look at him using his index and thumb, “what is it what’s wrong pretty girl?” your eyes met his sharp ones, you swallowed the lump in your throat before replying, “i can’t bend i - i’m -” he just gave you a low ‘oh’ realizing what you were trying to say “it’s okay, baby, you’ll just lay down nd look pretty for me, okay?” you nodded your head and went to your bed and layed down on your bed, mansk was towering over you, his long legs spread on each side of your body as his hand fondling with your left breast, his mouth already kissing and sucking on your right breast, giving teasy licks to your already hard nipple before taking it in his mouth, his hand started massaging the skin as he sucked, you let out a high pitched moan as you his knee between your legs rubbing your heat as his mouth sucked harder and harder, it was too much. the way he was fondling with your sore tits, sucking and biting at the sensetive bud, your hand went to his face trying to push him off of your chest but you stopped when you felt the liquid gush out of your nipple and into his mouth, his hand started kneading your other breast.

mask let out a low growl at the feeling of your warm milk oozing out of your hard nipple and landing on your hand as he drank your pearly white milk still squeezing your tits, “s-stop please c-can’t do this nymore please,” his eyes met your glossy ones while your mascara was running down your bambi eyes.

you didnt even notice when he flipped you so he was laying on the bed and you were on top of him, didn’t even notice when his dick started running up and down your slit stopping at youe enterance just to tease you for a bit before sliding it inside of your warm gummy walls, the moan he let out made you even wetter knowing that you are the one who is making an alien feel that good, could you even deny that it made you feel good inside? made you feel warm? could you deny that you like the feeling of a big cock thrusting in and out of you?

the friction on your clit from his pubic bone along with the brutal thrusting of his cock was enough to make a knot form in your lower belly, you couldn’t even tell how long it’s been it sure was longer than 40 minutes from the way he was covered in sweat. he was close, you knew it from the way his chest was rapidly rising and falling a few more long and deep thrusts made you release all over him, coating him with a sticky clear liquid, his hands went from your hips to your waist, wrapping his arms around you as he brought you down to his chest, hearing his heart beat was calming and sad. knowing that hes doing this to you, oh how you wanted to tear his skin apart and rip his heart out of his body, but you couldn’t do anything, why would you anyway? after a few strokes you flet a warm liquid being pumped inside you, his hand petting your head, stroking your hair as he kissed your hair line, “let’s stay like this forever, y/n, just you and me and your child, i’ll protect you, sweetheart,” you sobbed at his words, how could he say that? how could he be in your and your sons life? “i hate you. i hate you. i hate you.” you yelled clawing at his chest as he kissed your head more making a few shh noises. you closed your eyes for a second and opened them again when you heard a loud cry, “let me go. my son needs me.”

ja: the first time he saw you was in the lab, opening his eyes to someone like you was a heavenly thing, he loved the way your hair would fall down on your face, the way your skillful hands touched his body, it was amazing, it was as if he was being electric shocked. oh how happy he was when you told him he’s doing a good job when he first opened his eyes, touching finger, feeling the rough skin of his fingertips, wriggling his toes, he wanted you to praise him more, it was not enough.

on one rainy night, you were protected in the warmth of your blankets, eyes closed, you groaned when you heard a knock on your door followed by ja’s voice, you hurridly got up and looked for your sweatpants, pulling them up to legs before slightly opening the door, “alexander. what brings you here?” you peeked out the door asking with a hint of annoyance in your tone, ja swallowed a bit already nervous, his hands sweating as he spoke “i, uh, i was out with the others, and we got attacked by nasty wolves, and they kind of, hurt my back and i can’t really reach the area, i was thinking maybe you could land me a hand?” you looked at him and opened the door for him, he towered and walked through the door and sat on your bed, “i’m sorry i didn’t have enough time to throw a shirt on, i’ll put one on right now if it’s bothering you,” “no no it’s okay i don’t - i don’t mind,” it was true. he didn’t mind, it was lovely to watch your chest, your toned abs, your tight chest, pink nipples, it was a heavenly sight, just like you.

“so you got attacked by a nantang?” you hummed and walked to your closet opening it and reaching for the first aid kit and walked back to him “imma gonna need you to take your shirt off,” he nodded his head and took off his shirt, you walked closer and sat behind him on the bed, your hands went to his back your fingers caressing the the wound on his back, “doesn’t look that bad, i’ll just disinfect it, it’s a tiny scratch,” you chuckled and dipped into the tiny bag and reached for a tiny neatly packaged stach of disinfectant wipes, tearing the paper and running the tiny cloth on the wound.

ja let out a hiss, “it hurts?”

“no. it does not,” you hummed and put the tiny cloth on the bed next to you, “all finished looks as good as a new,” you chuckeled and kissed the wound, how could a very innocent act turn him on? pathetic, he turned around and looked at you, “y/n, i,” his hand went to yours and putting it on his chest, “here - can you feel that? feel how my heart is beating, it is beating for you, y/n i want to kiss you, want to hold you, want you all for myself, please y/n, please, say yes, be with me, we can have a really nice live together. i’ll love you forever,” he smiled a little but his smile quickly dropped when you shook your head, “i’m sorry i can’t - i’m not a - i’m not into guys. i do appreciate your feelings though, and i won’t look at you in a different way, i’m your friend, ja,” you said and placed your hand on his shoulder giving a few gentle squeezes.

his heart was shattered, and all he was seeings was red maybe if he showed you a good time you’d give in and be with him, maybe you’re not sure of your sexuality! yes! that must be it, that was only alexanders mind playing jokes on him, cause everytime you touched him, smiled his way, or even laughed at his cheesy jokes it was friendly. all of it. he mistook the signs, he was uncapable of withdrawing his hand as it went to your throat, squeezing, making the air run out of your lungs, his lips crashed to yours, your eyes wide with tears, your face red, you couldn’t breath, you clawed at arms, slapped him on his head to no avail, his free hand was fondling with his belts, undoing his buttons and unzipping them and pulling his dick out, the way you were helpessly and patheticly squirming turned him even more.

his lips left your after what felt like forever for you and his hand went to your hair now, pulling you up to your as you let out a pained whimper, his hand stroking his hard member, with your mouth open letting out pained moans, with his left hand cupping you chin je maneuvered the head of my cock between his lips and you closed around it, unsure abd surprised of what he had put inside your mouth, immediately he pushed forward and sank a good seven inches into your mouth and down your throat, you gagged briefly, then settled, and didn’t pull away.

curiousity took over you and the tip of your tongue danced on his slit and he let our a groan.

“good boy, my good boy,” ja said and started rougly thrusting his cock in and out.

a lot of saliva was running down his shaft and his balls, he kept thrusting in and out, his big balls slapping on your chin as he towered over you, biting his lips, “that’s it, take it all - fuck yes - don-don’t stop, you like that, princess, don’t you?” it was humiliating and embarrassing how a few words made your face burn up, one: due to the lack of oxygen, two: due to the way he was spitting words at you.

with both of his hands on your head he pushed you all the way down, your nose burried in black wirey pubes, your hands went to his abs scratching and throwing punches, it started really strong and then it became weak punches, tears were filling your eyes, making your vision blurry and foggy, his cock pulsed a few times inside your throat before your eyes closed, your feet gave up and you sank to your knees, your hands went to your sides, unable to move anymore you were in a black like void.

he didn’t stop tho, still thrusting into you before pulling out and cumming on your face, his seed landing on your eyes, forehead, cheeks, and nose, even your hair didn’t survive the semen rain.

“you’re comin’ back with me.” ja said as he succuried you in his arms.

@tieflingteeth

[butchviking]

could you elaborate on your idea of treating dysphoria with therapy. i guess you don't have it figured out yet because if you did you would've already therapied the dysphoria out of yourself. but like. what are your ideas? where do you think dysphoria comes from? how could one fix it with therapy? conversion therapy gets a bad rep, how different or similar is your idea of fixing dysphoria with therapy from the spooky idea people have of conversion therapy? anything else you want add

oh i sure the fuck don't have it figured out. i have no kind of education or training or qualifications in anything like that i am just another dysphoric dyke on the internet. i just wish anyone who IS in that field seemed 2 b listening lol

so im not aware of any standardised therapy to target dysphoria in any way, but ive known & heard from soooo many detrans/desisted/reidentified/etc women that therapy has either hugely helped w their dysphoria or in some cases they've been able to eliminate it entirely. a lot of the time ppl talk like dysphoria is smthn that is just ingrained into you as a person, something you're born with and something that - unless u transition - u will eventually die with. but that's not true! there are often very real causes that can be found out and dealt with. fr example a lot of women have identified the main cause of their dysphoria to be childhood trauma, often abuse and very often sexual abuse (it doesn't take a genius to figure out why this would lead to someone hating/resenting/feeling wrong in/being disgusted by their body. doesn't take a genius to figure out why they'd want to be male instead.) and i mean. listen talking with a group of women anyway there's usually a lot of trauma. but talking with a group of transmascs is like. jesus fucking christ there is so often so much awful shit that has happened to them. (in fact this def applies to transwomen too tbh, ive known a looot of transwomen w a history of sexual abuse. not as many as transmen but definitely higher than the general male population). physical abuse (or witnessing the physical abuse of a mother) can be another cause; that feeling of never wanting to be a scared helpless little girl again and wanting to be strong and able to defend yourself - things that are usually associated w men. these thoughts aren't usually conscious, its not like u think "i want to be a man bc i blame my body for what was done to me and i feel like if i could get out of my skin and be something more powerful i'd be safe and happy" - but thats what ppl often find out in therapy, and after coming 2 terms w that they find they don't have to take it out on themselves anymore and they manage to make peace with their body.

for a lot of women their dysphoria was caused by simple social restriction - ive no doubt in my mind that a huge reason for mine is not being able to be topless in public or have my shirt unbuttoned or jesus christ even just. just fucking EXIST without them having to be an ISSUE. i weaned myself off binding years ago and for a long time i managed 2 get to a place where i didnt even think abt my chest that much. and then some guy makes one comment abt how i never wear bras and its like. oh god i had tried to forget that you people can SEE them. and that sent me into a lil spiral for like a month lol 👍 pair that w going to mcr nj and forgetting to wear a bra the first night and finding my movement severely restricted due to not wanting my tits flying everywhere and i came back from that trip like. can someone just fuciing cut them off. (mcr PLEASE stop transing my gender im not strong enough...) (actually i was going to say that after that trip i wore a binder for the first time in years but i think im getting my timeline mixed up. i think that was before the show actually. bc i distinctly remember that i packed it for the trip 'just in case' and that was after i'd already worn it once around the house & once to a wedding) and obviously idk what the solution is for me there but i think a combination of therapy & lifestyle changes could help me get at least somewhere. i know that for other women lifestyle changes have been a huge factor - living & being around only women has been so healing fr a lot of detrans/dysphoric ladies & ive read some really moving things abt the impact going to womyns land has had fr some. misogyny in general can really wear down how u feel abt ur body over time, without u ever necessarily attributing your feelings to that. and when i say 'misogyny' im also including the simple existence of gender in that! to be born and to be separated into a category based on your body and to have that be something thats supposed to dictate how you live your entire life - you have a vagina so you have to wear this and act like this and people will have these expectations of u and you're limited by these restrictions and if you step out of line, if u dont do femininity or dont do it well enough, you will be punished. by god of course u grow to hate your body and your role in the world. of course u wish u could be a man and just fucking. live and breathe and exist without all these stupid fucking made-up rules & requirements! for a lot of ppl, recognising that & recognising that the problem doesn't lie with them, but with a society that made them feel that way, is huge. & after that realisation they can begin a process of forgiving their body. turning the blame out from where they've internalised it. & this is definitely why so many detrans/desisted/reidentified women get so hard into feminism. that's what brought me to radblr in the first place & started my own process of reidentification!

now obv i can't cover every possible cause of dysphoria here bc its as many & varied as ppl are. and listen im on mobile so i cant see how long this is but jesus christ i know it must be fucking long. and its still going to get much longer! so there is one last obvious cause of dysphoria that no-one likes to talk abt, but which is probably THE most concretely linked: being gay! for at LEAST hundreds of years (im sure there are some ladies around here who could attest to older sources tbh, it could be millenia for all i know) lesbians have written about feeling like they're a man's soul in a woman's body. sexual inversion theory was the default belief for how and why people were homosexual for a long, long time. and that theory is so completely alive and well. im not even going to say any more on this one. it's obvious and i think almost every single butch lesbian (& plenty of non-butch lesbians) feels this at SOME point. the proportion of homosexuals in the transgender population is definitely higher than in the general population. however even if ur het that can induce dysphoria too, cause u get ppl who say they don't want to date men as a woman, they want to do it as a man - which a lot of ppl put down to gay fetishisation but i don't think its all about that. i think its abt wanting to be on equal footing. so no-one is safe really!

ok. so what is the difference between this and conversion therapy. conversion therapy in my mind is smthn that seeks to 'correct' your behaviour/identity, rather than smthn with the goal of alleviating distress. like i don't think any of the stuff ive talked abt should b done w the goal of making someone not identify as trans anymore - idk identify how u want i guess. the identity isn't really the thing that matters. u don't even need to identify as trans in the first place for any of that stuff to b helpful - it's all abt lessening the distress u feel w ur own body. and the main thing 'trans conversion therapy' means 2 me is trying to force gender conformity on someone. like trying to get them to accept their assigned gender role. to get a gnc female who identifies as transmasc to ditch not only the identity but the gnc behaviours & presentation and accept their 'place' in the world as a woman. and gender (a word which to me is synonymous with the phrase 'gender roles' like they dont exist separately that is literally what gender is. its roles.) is my greatest enemy in the world FUCK gender and i don't ever ever think anyone should b forced to abide by it. i think it is the greatest evil on this planet. to me, the comparison of therapeutic dysphoria treatment to conversion therapy is like. say if someone was gay, and was severely distressed by being gay. they couldn't accept it and they hated it and they were depressed about it. this person would definitely benefit from therapy to help them ACCEPT the fact that they're gay and to help them feel comfortable with themselves about it. which is very very different from a 'therapy' which aims to make them not gay anymore. u know?

now im not going to pretend i know or even believe that everyone's dysphoria can be alleviated or erased with therapy. i have no idea how many ppl this would work for. maybe it would help 5% of ppl, maybe it would help 50%, or 95%. honest to god i have no idea. and sometimes figuring out the root causes of your dysphoria doesn't really do jack shit. there's a lot of things in my life i could point to that explain mine. but the trouble is that knowing that doesn't make it go away. it's a mental illness & it's as complicated & often stubborn as any other. chances are that therapy would help some ppl and not help others. and if u try it out & it doesn't help & u still think transition is the right path, then cool! if that's an informed choice and a medical risk/commitment you're willing to take then honestly i believe in giving ppl that right. but like i said the other day, the big thing is that without the OPTION of psychological treatment, there's really only the option of transition. well that's not tru actually, because some people do choose to simply live w their dysphoria, much as one might live w many other mental illnesses. i feel like that's also not an option spoken about often. u can actually just live with it. learn to manage it rather than try to cure it, let it ebb & flow. a lot of the time that will suck, but what mental illness doesn't? for many ppl, learning ways to manage & live w their dysphoria is a more sensible choice for their lifestyle than transition, which basically makes u a lifelong medical patient. for some ppl it's better than taking the health risks. sometimes u just gotta power thru.

anything else i want to add - yes, of course there is. there's a million things i could probably add. i could talk abt this for hours. actually i probably have bc i kept coming back 2 this on breaks at work so im sure ive put a couple of hrs into it by now. i didn't even mention eating disorders and how commonly comorbid they are w dysphoria; how it's all just different forms of body dysmorphia (but as many ppl have said, when an anorexic tells a doctor their body is wrong the doctor tell them no, your mind is wrong, and you need psychological treatment. not so with dysphoria.) the transwomen ive seen basically turn into plastic surgery addicts always seeking more and more changes bc they don't reach the end-point they'd imagined, where they're happy w their body now, bc the discomfort always came from inside their head and their body was never really the problem. the transmen who plan on just taking hormones but not getting top surgery, or vice versa, and then end up doing both AND getting phallo and often still finding themselves unsatisfied at the end. the unrealistic expectations people often have in the first place when starting transition, and the doctors who, instead of being realistic and helping patients to manage their expectations, promise the absolute world - leaving ppl completely mentally unprepared if things don’t go so well, where perhaps some therapy beforehand could have helped them accept what they’re getting into. the studies showing that although ppl REPORT being happier after transition, their life satisfaction scores on assessments aren't actually any higher than before. but i just got home and got to my computer and it turns out this reply is already. my god. over 2,000 words long. and holy shit even viewing it on desktop it’s enormous. so u gotta know when to quit i guess.

thank u so much for asking this. y’all know how much i love to talk abt this topic. i know everything is split into ‘sides’ on this sometimes, like it’s just some discourse, but it’s real people’s real lives and it’s so so important to me for everyone to see that. i want trans & dysphoric ppl to have more options, and to know about the options that they do have. there may not be any standardised dysphoria therapy but as i say, many women HAVE had life-changing results with other kinds of therapy, and there are many professionals out there who will absolutely work with you to the best of their ability if you want to get to the bottom of your dysphoria and come up with ways to lessen it or manage it. unfortunately, there are also many who will run for the hills because they don’t want to endanger their licence or reputation by being branded as conversion therapists. and i want feminists who see this as a solely political issue to see the humanity here and to recognise that dysphoria is a very real and often very debilitating mental illness that can’t always be cured by just explaining to someone that gender is made-up and bad. and no-one is a traitor to the female sex or an inherent misogynist for the choices they make to deal with that mental illness and live their happiest life.

and im. so sorry for all of ur dashboards. but hey, if u can scroll past 79 images per day of my chemical romance, then im sure u can scroll past this too if it’s of no interest to u. i hope not tho. if u read this all then god bless i am so thankful. everyone have a wonderful day <3 i am going to go have a nice big glass of mead bc it’s been a long night & all this thinking make hal head hurt. peace ✌️

[mangoposts]

OKAY im finally alone so TW for anyone reading this, i will be mentioning rape & knives/scars.

i'll try to make this short but the summer before i went into 10th grade, i had hung out w this guy and i really did just wanna hang out and go for a drive, but he thought i wanted to hook up. i definitely did not because i was a virgin and never done anything with a guy at all. he was a senior and a lot bigger than me and forced me into having sex w him, i kept saying no and stop and take me home but he just kept getting angrier and eventually held a knife to my like pubic bone? pelvis? just down there idk. so i caved. i hated every second and cried but i stopped fighting. i haven't had sex since then, im 20 years old now and i haven't even been fingered by a guy, never given or received head, and never given a handjob. and im honestly really embarrassed about it and wanna have sex with someone SO BADLY but im scared.

the main reason i'm scared isn't because i'm scared i'll be forced into it again, although that is absolutely in the back of my mind. i'm completely fine now and over the situation, but it does worry me that i could get overwhelmed and the guy im with wouldn't wanna stop. but my bigger fear which im 100x more embarrassed of, is what a guy is gonna think when he sees my pussy. now hear me out bc i know that sounds weird😭 but all throughout high school i always heard guys make comments about how ugly this girls pussy is or how gross this girls is and it terrified me. but now i'm even more scared because of what that guy did to me, he literally cut into my skin and left scars. what is a guy gonna think when he sees that? how am i supposed to explain all this? i just i have a lot of questions and concerns but i'm a fucking 20 year old "virgin" if i can even call myself that, i've technically had sex but i didn't want it so idk if i even count that as a body. i just have been panicking over this for forever and have no idea what to do, if you have any advice at all i'd really appreciate it so so much

- 🌙

Oh baby :-(. Im so sorry this happened to you. You were really young and you didn’t deserve that whatsoever, if you can feel it im giving you a hug thru the phone. Im so so so sorry and i hope that man is dead in a ditch somewhere 🤍

On the other hand, i promise you you have nothing to worry about at all. Im telling you rn and i know it sounds so corny and lame and everybody always says this but its true, the right person is not going to judge you for anything and im so Fr when i say that. Trust when i was in high school guys would say all kinda stupid shit like that about girls in the school and it never bothered me because i knew there was at least one person out there who wouldn’t care about anything other people would talk shit about, and i was right 🤷🏻‍♀️ There’s so many people out there who would find u beautiful the way u are and just because some guys in the past thought in that immature goofy ass way doesn’t mean every guy will you know what i mean?

Babe, my only advice for you is to stay the way you are, hang out w ur frennies and the right person is gon come trust. It’ll come when you aren’t looking for it or worrying about it, when you least expect it to be honest. What you went through was horrible and it might be the worlds way of saying you gotta give yourself time before exploring that area of your life yanno. There’s NOTHINGGG wrong with being a virgin at any age let alone 20. You’re still young and you have ur whole life ahead of you. Don’t worry about this, when it happens it’s gonna be fine you’ll see it

Thank you so much for trusting me to be vulnerable with, im sorry if im treating you too delicately im just speaking thru the soul rn 😭 And again im sorry this happened to you. Even if i dont know u i love u a lot and im proud of you for moving past the situation despite how hard it might’ve been

Also im sorry for taking awhile to get back to you, i just scrolled through my inbox and finally found this

[elekid]

Whenever I see posts like this wherein the focal point of the argument is people sharing personal experiences within like-minded individualist groups, i.e. lgbt+ people, freeks, geeks, all the unwanted- right? We Are Vulnerable Alone But Strong Together. Sometimes This produces a result, which, to put it bluntly- When We Weirdos congregate, sometimes we entirely miss the point. It's true! I have been sucked into or created this vortex many times. Like, I only read this cause it hooked me by being about medical malpractice/negligence- something i am waaaay too familiar with. See? It's not like, bad, but its strong. be careful.

Aaaaannnnd my black mom raised me, which meant any doctor/psych visits, she was there with me. Like, yeah? All this stuff happen to sooo many family and friends that it begins to blend together in my mind. I'm starting to wonder what the angle actually *is*- not to us, but to the medical professionals with the power of control over everyones health. Like...I am very mourning your pain and suffering but I mean with good will that you're missing the point. This is a misdirection of the core issues which create roadblocks to healthcare, and I bet my bottom dollar that many healthcare professionals at this point in the US know it too. They notice it works, to rattle you and push where you are soft. Baiting you at the angle they see as the chink in your armor. I have sooo often fallen for the bait, lost my composure in one way or another, and been preyed upon by the waiting vultures. The passive aggression is reaching new heights everyday.

I'm going to break some things about the healthcare system in america down for you.

Every healthcare worker is scrambling chatting going to conventions and conferences dinners clubs- the list goes on- all in order to share information about public healthcare. These are typically private events.

Talking to older disabled people can and will save your life. Talking to any other patients is a vital part of surviving. Why? See bullet point one. The enemy is already there.

You're absolutely not wrong about the privilege's of being clocked as a man in the healthcare system- if you are also clocked as white, able bodied enough that you can be useful, etc... I found out pretty quickly that being seen as a dude did not matter most often, and a lot of times has made things MUCH worse...

Lets say I have this friend who has been abused by the medical system since birth (forced reassignment surgery we all know.) Let's say that friend is a trans guy who passed even before going on T. He only sees women doctors, nurses, psych's, etc. It is not as though he has anything against the Misters-He simply has strict guidelines and boundaries about who he will and won't see. Last time I saw him, he said he wasn't feeling so bullied or scared.

PLEASE please pleaaase please don't forget covid please burn it into your heart that it was the opening of the floodgates of hell for disabled people. We don't work, we're not allowed to save more than like $1.5K, we often do not own nor drive our own vehicle..

TBQH in the eyes of the US Department of Health and Human Services, every disabled person is a sack of moldy potatoes taking up too much space and STINKING up the kitchen. Also, we cost the government a LOT of money. Covid was like mana from heaven! yaay yaaay look how many sick and useless people died wheee whoopee^___^!! <- every SSI employee

I think that sharing our stories and shit is really cool, and by no means stop! Let's play the quiet game now and learn...could read or watch a video or listen only...perhaps helpful places to start would be social graces, ANY history of the practice of medicine in the US, Libgen some reports right from the source, talk to the next patient you see while at the doctor!

Maybe less talky about me and more think and question about how we can still win? IDK abt yall but Im bored of going around in circles talking abt the same traumas we all went thru

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[boland1234]

well insecurities that i carry aorund,

ive always been the fat guy, in my childhood my teenage hood. I was born pretty slim. But due to a few events in my early childhood, i struggle with food. My Mom was always obese, and she didnt care about that for a long time, but she eventually got a Bypass. And lost a lot of weight, and then it was me who was the big dude, my brother all turned out normal, they have normal bodys, and normal expirience with it. But i didnt, ive always been the outkast. Back in 2020 i had to take heavy anti psychotic meds, that made me hungry and lazy. i almost gaint over 140kg of wieght because of it. and ever since i treid to loose it all, but it works only partly, dont get me wrong i lost a lot of weight i once was at 140kg and now im almost 86kg leighter. But i never knew that fat tissiue expands to house all fettcells in youre body, when i put on some clothing that is a little tighter you wont see any of that hanging but as soon as i undress You see my scared belly that just hangs around, it jiggles, An then man boobs idk why tf i have them, but i doo. And i think its such a burton, having extra fatt tissue right under youre armpits. i cant were a t-shirt because my massive men boobs make it look like night dress. Im so fucking insecire about that, i just wanna get rid of all this. Its like a pimple that is almost so big that it blocks youre view.

Im at the gym and shit and i keep watching for what i eat, but it the belly is till there, im mean im 3 weeks in and so much progress will not happen in a short amount of time like that. What im insecure about ist that the belly will be gone but the tissue that had to expand will stay, and i will never see me eas i want me to see. I gotta do more. I gotta be better.

[b0land]

well insecurities that i carry aorund,

ive always been the fat guy, in my childhood my teenage hood. I was born pretty slim. But due to a few events in my early childhood, i struggle with food. My Mom was always obese, and she didnt care about that for a long time, but she eventually got a Bypass. And lost a lot of weight, and then it was me who was the big dude, my brother all turned out normal, they have normal bodys, and normal expirience with it. But i didnt, ive always been the outkast. Back in 2020 i had to take heavy anti psychotic meds, that made me hungry and lazy. i almost gaint over 140kg of wieght because of it. and ever since i treid to loose it all, but it works only partly, dont get me wrong i lost a lot of weight i once was at 140kg and now im almost 86kg leighter. But i never knew that fat tissiue expands to house all fettcells in youre body, when i put on some clothing that is a little tighter you wont see any of that hanging but as soon as i undress You see my scared belly that just hangs around, it jiggles, An then man boobs idk why tf i have them, but i doo. And i think its such a burton, having extra fatt tissue right under youre armpits. i cant were a t-shirt because my massive men boobs make it look like night dress. Im so fucking insecire about that, i just wanna get rid of all this. Its like a pimple that is almost so big that it blocks youre view.

Im at the gym and shit and i keep watching for what i eat, but it the belly is till there, im mean im 3 weeks in and so much progress will not happen in a short amount of time like that. What im insecure about ist that the belly will be gone but the tissue that had to expand will stay, and i will never see me eas i want me to see. I gotta do more. I gotta be better.

[celestialvexation-arch]

hi this is the anon before who said their only criticism for tmc was the timeline, but after al3x’s recent twitter qna i suddenly have a few others things i want to say about this series that i’m not sure where to share so i’m going to dump it in your inbox if that’s ok <3

anyway first things first i just want to say i love tmc, it’s one of my favorite analog horror series, i love the characters and the aesthetic, i love getting on discord to watch the newest videos with my friends, but even as my favorite series i’m still willing to criticism it (excluding the timeline thats already a mess). 

and lately i’ve been thinking about it after rewatching the latest video a few times and seeing other content creators react to it, i’ve just now realized that the series… doesn’t scare me anymore? maybe its because i’ve been watching it for a while, but probably not because the old videos still ruin my insomnia after i watch them tgouivrfi but aside from that ever since vol4 was released i just haven’t gotten scared by anything presented in the new videos at least once.

like the latest video didn’t give any horror vibes for me especially when adam namedropped god like ok cool (although i did love the sarah+evelin interactions we were given and hope there’ll be more of that duo), and the diary thing just idk its interesting but meh. this is just my opinion tho i hope no one attacks me for it

then i saw al3x say in his qna that vol1 was his least favorite video overall and tbh that… kinda makes me sad? because i still love that video since it still frightens me to this day, and seeing him not like it and make a new version that had some good parts removed + make it less scary just ehh this series really isn’t as frightening to me as it used to be…

its probably because of everything that’s gone with crewdela, with gab3 being fired and the community being infested with minors who want to sanitize horror (and a certain person in the crew who shall not be named) so this is just the end result…

but at the end of the day this is al3x’s series and he’s free to do what he wants with it and i will be seated for vol5, its still an interesting series to watch at the end of the day but just not as scary for me.

anyway sorry for traumadumping LOL /j

ohyah, you're free to info dump w/e thoughts you got! :3

i was honestly in the same boat as you, where tmc used to be my top series of all time cause of the usage of religion here, instead of the cookie cutter aesthetic of haunted animatronics or aliens invading the earth. while rlly not scary to me overall, the unsettling nature behind was enough to spook me!

however, as you've mentioned, it just stopped being scary overall when not only god was namedropped like that but....the intrigue around the series was just gone when "gabriel" revealed who he rlly is after all this time. the reveal happened way too soon, and using the usual "THE DEVIL WAS BEHIND IT ALLLLL" is just eh :/ could have made it where it could have been something else puppeting the body of the archangel gabriel??

and tbh, with how much lore and attention is given to emo fuck ( adam lmao ) here, it's feeling more and more like a damn soap drama that your grandparents would watch lmao nothing rlly horrifying, unsettling, or even violating in the sense that it's supposed to be intimate given the core concept that used to be present in early vids ( there's a reason why intimacy and religion tends to go hand in hand )

all the biblical horror flies out the window when we're seemingly supposed to care about adam here -- i honestly don't give a shit about the guy atp lmao i was here to watch some actual frightening shit, not...this

yeah, alex has mentioned several times that vol 1 wasn't his fave but goddamn, did he just...rlly made the scare factor and nostalgic elements even worse. nothing there to grasp you except "LOOK! THE ANIMATION IMPROVED!! :OOO"

those are my thoughts there lmao x3

[perpetually-sad-but-its-fine]

10x13 of chicago pd

its been a while since ive done this, im so sorry

oh a graveyard

yipee

who's grave?

justin’s?

al?

ALVIN

I KNEW IT

oh god wait

why are they bringing him up now?

asa chapman

yay

‘since youre a fan of small talk’

...is that her trying to flirt?

this is a fun conversation

real fun

where is this going

what're you tryna do lady?

what is this

they say pedro

and all i can keep thinking about is pedro pascal

he agreed?

really?

love kev’s convo

its great

torresssss

my babbyyyyy

is hailey ever gonna be partnered up w/ someone who isn't voight??

srsly

like after everything in season 9

they're still partnered together?

car chase

OH MY GOD

bro what

that was so sudden

adammm

my love

oh dead body

joy

oH GOD

BRO

car explosion

fun

acetone

fun

fun

fun

anywas

‘how'd you know it was acetone?’

‘guess i must've been to too many rerock houses’

oh asa chapman

hello there

what do you get out of this?

it feels like its more personal than just a ci

haileyyyyyyy

my wife

‘really? dealer finally realised that killing customers is bad for buisness’

‘hm.’

that's a fair point tho

its like the drug dealers dont care that dead bodies are going to drive ppl away

lookin at adam?

is he going to do it?

oh wait no

TORRES

my baby

bro

hes so cuteee

dante ramiro

dude thinks that he can change just his last name

and hes good apparently

oh adam is here

lovely

‘ass clown’

oh they're fighting now

HOLY SHIT

ADAM GOT HIS ASS BEAT

BRO IM CACKLING

ADAM LOOKED LIKE HE WAS IN SEVERE PAIN

LMAOOOO

kev and torres

they're great

i love them

hailey still wearing her wedding ring makes me cry

that's a hugeass wire

BOOKS

i love books

books are great

books>>>>>> drugs

books are better than drugs

moving on

im scared now

pls take care of my baby

please

oh jesus

great

oh fun

HAILEY

LOOKING AFTER TORRES

MY HEART IS FULL

oh wait

another cop

wait what

the fuck???

BRO????

WHAT???

explanations

please

explanations

yay

BRO WHYD YOU SEND HIM????

tell him that

girl

tell the fuckin truth

brO

THERE WAS NO TRUTH THERE????

oh no

ROBBERY

noooo

this is bad

this is really really bad

THEYRE NOT GONNA MOVE IN???

BRO

THEYRE GONNA WATCH AS THEY ROB SOMEONE

oh no this poor lady

THEYRE GONNA WATCH AS THIS GRANDMOTHER IS BEING KILLED???

thank you torres

thank you

youre using your brain

what?

more acetone?

seriously?

what's the acetone for??????

i want answers

oh god

hes bribing cops

I KNEW IT

careful torres

careful

OH MY GOD

ITS ASA CHAPMAN

I THINK SO

OH GOD

come one

GIVE ME THE TRUTH

I WANT THE TRUTH

aw

gant and lopez

barely know them

love them

they're great

oh no

where's this going

oh my god wait

were chapman and villar in love????

WHERE THEY FUCKING???

jesus just say it

what happened??

teLL ME??

OH MY GOD

THEY FUCKEd

I KNEW IT

I FU CK I N G KNE W IT

i feel bad for her now

oh i feel really bad for her now

poor chapman

poor girl

chapman’s got trust issues

really asking why voight won't tell

t r u s t i s s u e s

oh joy

more illegal activity

i feel like this an illegal version of some cooking show

does torres know how to do this before hand?

or was he just taught?

‘enough for 90 years’

lovely thoughts

oh great

TORRES DONT PUSH IT

oh great

this'll be fun

oh adam getting back at torres

wait hold on

WOULDNT THE GUY KNOW THAT ADAM WAS AT THE BAR????

are they gonna put him in ‘the cage’

yep its back

after idk how long

but its back

i wanna kill him

guys not too stupid actually

nvm

he stupid

he gave himself up

he real stupid

chapman

yay

more conflict = more fun

i actually like asa chapman

she seems like a good balance for the team

hes not gonna tell the unit the truth??

‘and we have evidence for that?’

‘not yet.’

this sounds like bullshit

adam suspects something different tho

oh crumpled up piece of paper

fun

the third cousin

oh my god

did they bury the body in the concrete???

this is intense

THEY BURIED THE BODY THERE

I FUCKIN KNEW IT

I KNEW IT

oh they're gonna destroy this building for that body

poor nina

poor girl

coME ON

youre gonna make me cry dammit

‘tell me everything’

you dont wanna know

please you dont wanna know what happened

blood splatter on the handle even after five years?

really?

that seems a bit out there

wow

that was so casual

‘chicago pd, lemme see your hands’

as the guy us walking across the room with his phone in hand

oh poor Nina

i feel so bad for her

lowkey kinda hoping she sticks around

she’d be a good addition to the team

‘he’s dirty. he’s cruel.’

he is tho

hes both of those things

wait

is there something that's gonna happen between the two of them?

i can't tell

also

i really want hank to have a love interest

like

really badly

it'd be fun to watch

ALSO

WHERE WAS TRUDY????

WHERE WAS MY MOTHER????