#guys i swear that like all of this is NORMAL

[toomanyfanficsbruh]

Hello!! Happy New Year!!

My God, I am so sorry it took so long. And it's not even fully finished 😭😭

Here you go, something better than nothing xx

Queen Of England

It was often on calm days, that something happened. And as normal, something happened.

Merlin and Gwen were walking back from their weekly Taco Tuesday meet ups - it kept them full and up to date with the other's lives.

At this time of the year, both of them were busy with work. Gwen with her new designs for Vogue and Merlin with his piling stack of assignments to mark. The both of them nearly almost never had time to talk to eachotner. Insert, Taco Tuesdays. The best idea since sliced bread and pull-out sofas.

On the way back to Gwen's apartment, she gasped loudly at her phone, "No. Way. Oh My God. Holy Fishsticks."

Merlin leaned over her shoulder to look at her phone. Damn the privacy protection screen that she used. Smart, but quite annoying when trying to snoop. "You're fake swearing again. This must be bad, what happened?"

"I just got swiped on by The Arthur Pendragon."

"Who?"

"Merlin! You know! The actor??" Gwen turned the phone around to Merlin, who was face to face with the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. Surely that was fake.

"Gwen! No I don't! Who?"

"Gah. Your sarcasm isn't really helping right now."

"And neither are your descriptions. Wait, let me do some research." It took Merlin all of 2 minutes to find the guy and all of 8 minutes for it to register that it was That Guy.

"You've gotta be kidding me Gwen, that's gotta be a fucking catfish."

"Ah! Swear Jar!"

"No seriously. You are drop down gorgeous. I love you to bits. But why on earth would this stuck up prick be on Tinder?! Doesn't he have enough actresses to be putting his hands all over?"

They stopped at Gwen's door, "Hmm. You make a good point. The real Arthur Pendragon would never text me."

"Excuse me? No, you are gorgeous, didn't I just say this?" Merlin tapped his chin in a moment if thought, before look at Gwen again. "But you know what would be fun?"

"I know that twinkle of mischief anywhere. And I know it's not going to end well. What is it?"

"How about…we mess with him a little…"

"Oh no."

So, in a moment of frenzy and bad argument, Merlin walked back to his apartment with Gwen's Tinder account password and a plan up his sleeve. Gwen called it Reverse Catfishing. Merlin said it was giving the guy a taste of his own medicine. Whatever it was, it wasn't going to end well.

Merlin was in the middle of reading a student's essay when he recieved a message from the so-called actor.

Arthur: If you were the letters of the alphabet, you would be A Q T.

This guy used proper sentences and grammar in his pick up lines. Merlin would have been fooled if it wasn't for the horrendous line that he'd chosen.

Gwen: is that from a book of 1001 pick up lines because that was horrible

Arthur: If you were a fruit, you'd be a Cute-cumber.

Gwen: no, I'd be a Fine-Apple.

The typing bubbles went away after a moment and Merlin went back to his marking, assuming he had scared the catfish away. Surely, nobody with common sense would start off with such a bad pick up line. There were many many others that could've been used.

Arthur: I can't say I'd disagree with that.

Gwen: left you speechless have i?

Arthur: You left me speechless when I first saw you, much less now. Seems that I can't function at all with you around.

Gwen: then leave?

Merlin felt the rejection in that reply. He also felt a little bad.

Gwen: I mean. don't leave. but like, get a speech therapist?

Merlin hit his head, not only did he reject the guy, he also had the shittiest response. Poor dude.

Arthur: Maybe I wouldn't be stuttering when I meet you then. Do you know a good speech therapist?

Gwen: if you're so ultra famous shouldn't you know one?

Arthur: Most speech therapists on set are for accents, not really for what we're talking about.

Gwen: yea right. "on set" keep up the facade and I might believe you.

Arthur: sent photo

Merlin was almost scared to open the photo, lest it was something that should not be shown to the common eye. He clicked on it while squinting, only to find the most boring thing.

Gwen: which website did you find the movie set off of?

Arthur: I'm on the set right now?

Gwen: and I'm the Queen of England

Arthur: Your Majesty?

Gwen: do you understand the word sarcasm

Arthur: Do you know how to use grammar?

Gwen: touchè

It was going to be a long night.

It had been a week. A week since Gwen had given Merlin her Tinder account details. To be honest, Gwen wasn't too fussed about it anymore, it seemed like Merlin was having much more fun with it.

Instead, over the course of the week, Gwen had gone out with a workmate, Lancelot, who was equally nice and silly and someone she knew wasn't a catfish. He was wonderful and exactly what she was looking for. Only now, she had to introduce him to Merlin. Which was the hard part.

She had tried the next Tuesday they met for Tacos, but he was so engrossed in his phone that she may as well have left and gone to bed. Whoever it was, Merlin was obsessed. And she told him as such.

"Me? Obsessed? I think you're going crazy Guinevere."

"If I'm so crazy, put down the phone Merlin."

"But we're in the middle of a conversation!"

Gwen cocked an eyebrow and threw on, what was known as, The Mother Face. Gwaine and Percival were terrified of it, Merlin knew not to get Gwen to that stage of annoyance. Well, every other time but now. Now, Merlin was fucked. (Ah, Swear Jar!)

"If that conversation is so important, then I'll go home and we can Taco Tuesday next week. Is that what you want?"

"No…?" Merlin shook his head and turned the phone screen down. "I'm so sorry Gwen, I never meant for it to get this far. It's just that…"

Gwen put her hand on his arm, beckoning him to continue talking. A soft gesture amongst the people hurrying to get their tacos.

"It's just that?"

"That, I didn't expect this guy to be so…down to earth? You'd expect a celebrity to be pompous and a tight ass, but he's not? Or at least, he doesn't seem to be that way?"

"And you believe that it's The Arthur Pendragon?"

"Gwen, he sent a picture of his birth certificate. This guy has absolutely no idea about hackers and the internet and normal people things. He's adorable." Merlin had a glint of care in his eyes, something sparkling. Something Gwen hadn't seen in a long time.

The last she had seen him this flustered was with a girl called Freya, but she had to move cities to look after her mother. She was lovely and Merlin was nearly heartbroken. The only thing that kept him from crying was Gwaine who took him out drinking every second night. Safe to say, neither of them did that again, after the reaction Gwen had when Merlin got alcohol poisoning.

"Oh yeah?" Gwen tilted her head and gave Merlin a slight smirk to show her amusement. He didn't notice.

"Yeah. He nearly gave me his social security number, it was hilarious. He knows bad puns and pick up lines to a tee and he's never seen Tangled." Merlin took a deep breath, "Gwen, I think we need to come clean."

Gwen nearly choked on her taco, "We? I think you mean, you. You need to come clean. I did nothing! I'm innocent!"

"And I'm the Queen of England."

"Right. You keep this up, Your Majesty, and you'll never get to meet the new dude who took your best friend out on a date ."

"You would never hide such a thing from me!"

"And you wouldn't look good in a gown, nice to know we agree on something."

Merlin took a bite out of his Taco, "Excuse you, I think I'd look magnificent in a gown!"

Gwen paused for a moment, thinking, the cogs in her brain started turning again, "Actually, with a cinched waist, petal sleeves and maybe a deep wine brocade… I think we could make it work!!"

Arthur Pendragon has never been left waiting. He has never been stood up and he has never in his life, had to wait for a date.

Today was the first time it happened. Arthur was not impressed.

Recently, he hadn't really been too impressed by much. His films had upsettingly bad scripts, his co-stars were not at all nice people and his father was breathing down his back almost every minute of the day.

The only time he had been able to breathe was when he was texting Gwen. She seemed lovely, although more of Morgana's type, but she had the breath of fresh air Arthur needed.

His particularly favourite conversation that he'd had with her, was about the new adaptation film he was starring in - A Farewell To Arms, by Hemingway. Arthur mentioned that he'd never read it before and almost got blocked. Gwen said that it was a favourite of hers and a literary masterpiece.

Arthur had read it in one night.

Even if he didn't necessarily agree with it being a masterpiece to the literary world, he did enjoy it. After reading it, he hated the adaptation script even more.

Now, he was left waiting in a cafe, looking for the woman who had made his days much brighter than they had been. He was close to telling Morgana that the Tinder plan, actually, wasn't the worst thing to happen.

Gwen said she'd be wearing a green shirt (emerald to be exact) and to keep an eye out. Arthur was definitely keeping an eye out.

It took 25 minutes before he saw her walk through the door and almost got up to greet her, until he realised she was wearing purple.

Now, Arthur might not know many things, but he knew that green and purple weren't the same colour. They were opposites on the colour wheel! That was a fun fact he kept in his pocket for trivia nights.

Other than that, the waiting, caffeine-less morning and now the colour change, did not sit well with Arthur at all. He was already prone to outbursts, he didn't want to mess this up.

Gwen saw him and walked over with a coffee and a chocolate slice in her hand, "Arthur Pendragon. Wow, it is a sight to see you in real life."

"And you… Are not wearing green."

"Was I meant to? Is there an issue with me wearing purple that I wasn't aware of?"

"No!"

"Right. Well."

An awkward silence fell over them, unlike what Arthur was used to when talking to her.

"Well. I spoke with my director about the scripting for A Farewell To Arms,and he said he'd change some of the lines to make it more natural to the time period." A small smile crept over Arthur’s face.

"A Farewell To Arms? Well, I'm glad it's more natural, but I really couldn't care less about Hemingway."

"I thought you said it was a literary masterpiece?"

"Not at all, Mr Pendragon. Hemingway sits in my bookshelf, getting cobwebs with how little I read it."

"And now you'll tell me you think my pickup lines are good."

"And I'm not sure what you mean by that." Gwen set her cup and plate down.

"I mean, that you're not at all what you seem to say you are. And what a great pity at that, because life isn't completely about good looks Guinevere! You need to be authentic to yourself. It's one thing to lie over an app but another to completely change your personality, and for what? You got swiped on by a celebrity? So? Forgot you're a person with your own opinions?"

Arthur wasn't entirely sure when he stood up or began raising his voice, but he was shocked by the additional presence in the conversation.

"And if you didn't have a stick up your ass, you'd know that you're falling into the common form of hypocrisy. Don't act like you don't fucking change your opinions for interviews and then over a dumb app!"

Arthur saw Gwen put an arm out to the additional voice, probably to calm it down. He needed one of those right now actually.

And to make matters worse, Arthur turned around to give the conversation intruder a piece of his mind and realised three important things.

The conversation intruder had the most vibrantly deep blue eyes. The words on Arthur's lips retreated back to the locker he had been trained to never open. Maybe this time, these eyes would hold the code and keep it closed.

The conversation intruder had a point. And that was bad. Because that meant Arthur was wrong. And that was a slim to none chance in any situation. And Arthur didn't hate it. Hmm.

The conversation intruder was wearing a green shirt. Emerald green to be exact.

"And you, must be Gwen." Arthur turned on his bright, Camera smile and was met with the most uninterested face, coupled with the gorgeous blue eyes. Arthur was done for.

"Do I look like the Queen of England?"

Arthur might have just fallen to the ground with that response, if he wasn't gripping the table like his life depended on it. Not only was this conversation intruder the handsomest person he laid eyes on, he was also the person Arthur had been thinking of for the past 3 months. This man was the reason for Arthur’s sleepless nights and calm days, the crux of his laughter and somehow also the most annoying thing that had ever happened to him.

Arthur did not know how to react.

"Your Majesty." Arthur had actually bowed. He didn't think he'd do that, but he also didn't believe in Love at First Sight and well, there's a first time for everything.

Gwen looked between the two men, intrigued, confused and held in a chuckle because what on earth was happening right now. The Arthur Pendragon, actor and millionaire, just bowed to her best friend, Merlin Emrys, humanities professor. Things like this didn't happen everyday. Things like this just didn't happen, at all.

She whispered a quick goodbye to her friend and walked to a table near the back, where Lancelot was waiting. Maybe, it wouldn't end so badly.

Let me know if you want the conversation between Arthur and Merlin, because really, this is such a sad ending from my end. I can do better, I promise lol.

I can't believe I didn't die from the second hand embarrassment.

Catfish au

Gwen gets a random text on her tinder Account by one Arthur Pendragon.

Gwen: it can't be real. THE Arthur Pendragon would never text me!!!

Merlin: I disagree. You're georgous. But you're probably right, it's a catfish

Merlin: you know what would be funny?

Gwen: oh no

Merlin: let me text with him. I'll pretend I'm you. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

That's how it begins...

...

Only that Arthur wasn't a catfish

Bonus: reveal

Merlin: this is so embarrassing, but erm... I catfished you *starts to ramble about the original situation*

Arthur: *not listening and supposed to be angry.* you're hot???!?

Merlin: what?

Arthur: *internal crisis* what?!

[wwccol]

The Signal: Gotham’s Daylight Guardian

The Batfamily is trying to unravel Duke's "daytime crime-busting secret" only to discover that it's literally just Duke being Duke—and looking like a terrifying eldritch being—it’s brilliant.

Tim: "Okay, I’ve been running the stats. Crime in Gotham during the day has dropped by, like, 40%. That’s not normal. Something’s going on."

Jason: "I say Duke’s been moonlighting as a Jedi or something. There’s no other explanation."

Duke: "I swear, I’m just... out there, doing my thing. Nothing fancy!"

Dick: "Right. Which is why we’re all suiting up and following you tomorrow. For science."

The next day, the Batfamily gathers on a rooftop near Wayne Tower, decked out in their suits, ready to tail Duke as discreetly as possible.

Jason: "Alright, Narrows, go do your thing. We���ll stay out of sight."

Duke (rolling his eyes): "You guys are making this way weirder than it needs to be. I’m just... patrolling."

Dick: "That’s exactly what makes it suspicious. Go on."

Duke sighs, mutters something about how everyone’s being dramatic, and leaps off the rooftop.

The rest of the Batfamily follows at a safe distance, blending into shadows and keeping tabs via comms. At first, everything seems normal. Duke stops a mugging with a quick intervention and moves on. But as he continues, they start noticing patterns .

Witnessing The Signal in Action

A small group of teenagers loitering in an alley suddenly stiffen as Duke lands silently on a nearby fire escape. He doesn’t even say anything—just crouches there, watching.

Teen 1 (terrified whisper): "Did you see that? Oh my god, it’s looking at us!"

Teen 2: "What is that thing?!"

The group scatters like frightened birds.

On another street, a man about to break into a car looks up and sees Duke silhouetted against the sunlight. The golden glow of Duke’s eyes intensifies, and shadows seem to curl unnaturally around his frame.

Car Thief: "Nope. Nope. Not today. I’m going back to Metropolis."

He drops his crowbar and sprints away.

From a nearby rooftop, the Batfamily watches everything unfold.

Tim: "Okay, I don’t get it. He didn’t even do anything that time."

Barbara (from the comms): "I checked the cameras. He just landed on a fire escape and... stared. Is this his whole strategy?"

Steph: "Wait, is this some kind of Jedi mind trick? Duke, are you secretly psychic?"

Duke (on comms): "No! I’m not psychic. I don’t know why they’re freaking out!"

Jason: "I’ll tell you why—they think you’re a demon, dude. You’ve got the whole Lovecraft vibe going on. Look at you! You’re like a glowing shadow monster on top of a building."

Dick: "He’s not wrong. You’re giving off serious 'guardian of the apocalypse' energy."

Duke: "You guys are exaggerating. I just look... cool. Right?"

The Batfamily decides to test the hypothesis. Jason volunteers to get closer for a better look, pretending to be a random pedestrian.

He casually strolls down the street, glances up at Duke on the rooftop, and immediately freezes. Even Jason—who routinely faces death and chaos—is struck by the sheer wrongness of Duke’s appearance. It’s not that Duke’s doing anything malicious. It’s just... unsettling.

Jason (into comms): "Okay, yeah. It’s definitely the eldritch horror thing. My fight-or-flight reflex just kicked in, and I know it’s him ."

Duke: "I still don’t see it!"

Barbara: "Hold on. I’m recording this. I’ll pull up the feed so you can see what Gotham sees."

Back in the Batcave, Barbara plays the daytime surveillance footage on the main screen. The Batfamily watches in stunned silence as the video shows Duke leaping across rooftops. In the broad daylight, his glowing golden aura seems magnified. His shadow stretches unnaturally, flickering like it has a mind of its own. His eyes gleam with an unearthly intensity, and he moves with a predator-like grace that’s both mesmerizing and terrifying.

Dick: "Wow. You’re like Batman’s scarier, solar-powered cousin."

Steph: "Or the protagonist of a found-footage horror movie."

Tim: "Oh my god. Duke... you look like the final boss of a cosmic horror video game."

Jason: "No wonder Gotham’s criminals are freaked out. You look like you’re about to drag their souls into the void."

Duke (finally seeing it): "...Oh. Oh no."

Duke leans against the console, burying his head in his hands.

Duke: "I thought people were just scared of, like... the idea of a Bat vigilante. Not me personally. "

Tim: "I mean, technically, it’s still the idea of a bat vigilante. You’re just the daytime version. And the daytime version is... apparently an eldritch sentinel."

Bruce (stepping in): "This works to our advantage. Fear is a powerful deterrent."

Duke (sarcastically): "Great. My entire crime-fighting persona is an eldrich nightmare… That’s not weird at all."

Later

The Batfamily decides to lean into Duke’s unique abilities. They even brainstorm ways to amplify the effect subtly (glowing lenses for his mask, playing up the shadow distortion) while ensuring Duke feels supported.

Bruce: "You’ve turned daylight into an ally in a way no one else has. Use it."

Duke: "Yeah, but... can we not make me look like the end boss of Gotham?"

Jason: "Too late, man. It’s perfect."

As they laugh and tease Duke, he starts to accept his role as Gotham’s daytime terror—a protector like no other. Though, deep down, he secretly enjoys how effective it is.

Extra

Scenario 1: The Hallway Horror

It’s late at night, and the Batfamily is scattered throughout Wayne Manor. Jason is heading to the kitchen for a midnight snack when he senses movement out of the corner of his eye. He turns to see Duke standing at the end of the dimly lit hallway, perfectly still.

Duke’s golden eyes are glowing faintly in the dark, his shadow stretching unnaturally along the walls. Jason freezes.

Jason (startled): "Jesus Christ, Duke! What are you doing?!"

Duke: "I was heading to my room."

Jason (still on edge): "Well, don’t stand there like a damn ghost! You scared the crap out of me!"

Duke raises an eyebrow.

Duke: "You’re literally a guy who sneaks up on criminals for a living. How did I scare you? "

Jason grumbles as he stalks off to the kitchen. Later, he tells everyone at breakfast that Duke’s "eldritch hallway act" nearly gave him a heart attack.

Scenario 2: The Living Room Light Show

The family is hanging out in the Wayne Manor living room after a patrol. The lights are dimmed, and everyone’s winding down. Duke is lounging on the couch, half-asleep, when Tim notices something strange.

Tim: "Uh... Duke? You’re glowing."

Everyone turns to look at Duke, who blinks in confusion. Sure enough, his golden aura has started to flicker faintly in the dim room. Shadows from the furniture stretch and bend toward him like they’re being pulled into a vortex.

Dick: "Okay, that’s... unsettling."

Steph (grinning): "Is this your way of telling us you’re secretly a nightlight?"

Duke, now fully awake, tries to suppress the glow. But the more he panics, the brighter his eyes get, until Jason hurls a throw pillow at him.

Jason: "Turn it off! You’re gonna summon Cthulhu in the middle of movie night!"

Bruce walks in, sees the chaos, and just sighs.

Bruce: "No eldritch summoning in the living room. Take it to the cave."

Scenario 3: Shadow in the Batcave

Tim is working late in the Batcave, surrounded by monitors and gadgets. He hears footsteps behind him and assumes it’s Bruce.

Tim (without looking): "Hey, can you hand me the—"

He turns around to see Duke standing there silently, his glowing eyes piercing through the shadows of the cave. Tim yelps and nearly falls out of his chair.

Duke (startled): "Whoa! Tim, it’s just me!"

Tim (catching his breath): "Don’t sneak up on people like that! You’re like a freaking cryptid in here!"

Duke smirks, but when he steps closer, the shadows behind him flicker unnaturally.

Tim: "Nope! Nope! Back up! You’re officially banned from the Batcave after dark."

Scenario 4: Bedside Terror

Damian wakes up in the middle of the night and spots a tall, shadowy figure standing silently by his bed. He grabs his katana instinctively and swings—only to realize it’s Duke, glowing faintly.

Damian: "Thomas! What are you doing?"

Duke (guiltily): "I, uh... thought I saw a shadow move in your room. Turns out it was just me."

Damian groans and flops back onto his bed.

Damian: "Next time, announce your presence before you scare someone into an early grave."

Scenario 5: The Kitchen Incident

Steph and Damian are in the kitchen arguing over the last cookie Alfred made.

Damian: "It’s mine. I called dibs."

Steph: "You can’t call dibs on dessert, Demon Spawn!"

As the argument escalates, the lights flicker, and a low hum fills the air. Both turn to see Duke standing in the doorway, his eyes glowing faintly. The refrigerator light casts long, exaggerated shadows across the floor, making Duke look ten feet tall.

Duke (deadpan): "Why is it always the cookies?"

Steph and Damian scream simultaneously.

Damian (recovering, annoyed): "Tt. That was unnecessary."

Steph: "Duke, I swear, one of these days you’re gonna give me a heart attack."

Scenario 6: Midnight Training Gone Wrong

Dick decides to train late in the Batcave, running through an obstacle course. He doesn’t realize Duke is also there, watching from the shadows. As Dick flips off a beam, he catches sight of Duke perched on a ledge, his glowing eyes tracking him like a predator.

Dick slips mid-flip and lands on the mat with a thud.

Dick: "DUKE! Why are you lurking like that?!"

Duke hops down gracefully.

Duke: "I wasn’t lurking. I was observing."

Dick: "You were lurking. Your shadows were doing the creepy tentacle thing again!"

Duke glances at his shadow, which does seem to be moving independently, and shrugs.

Duke: "I can’t control that all the time. Besides, you’re supposed to have situational awareness."

Dick: "Not for you ! You’re worse than Bruce!"

:D!!! lol posting here but I also posted on AO3

[wandering-pirate]

Mouthwashing Crew Headcanon

Congratulations! You're now the Tulpar Crew's Unwilling Therapist

Why? How? Everyone's a mess and they need you, so stop questioning >:(

One fortunate 2 AM morning, you were raiding a snack stash. Whose was it? You're here to eat not think

And while shamelessly munching on a yogurt coated oatbar like a man lapping his last meal on death row, the door hissed opened

You straight-up started choking to death, trying to secretly Heimlich yourself, and when you finally dislodged the oatgrain having it shot out your mouth and landing 3 ft. away from the couch, you looked up...

There’s Daisuke. Full-on ugly crying. Like he’s the one who almost got scythed by death

Daisuke so damn cheery 24/7 you were half-convinced his cheeks were sewn to back of his head. But now? Yeah, no. The guy’s face is doing this wet sad puppy thing, and honestly, you kinda miss the creepy sewn-on grin

"Y/NNN~"

Shit, it's his stash! You were ready to half-ass a reason to pin this to Swansea but he grabbed your collars and sobs on you neck

"Is it normal to cry on a wrench? Y/N, Boss gave that to me, it's like my cute little puppy. Except, y’know, it gives me nosebleeds when I’m tightening nuts on the ceiling."

Alright, at this point, the oatbar's been reduced to ashes and dreams, the hell is going on?

The door hissed again, and now you were scrambling, the position Daisuke trapped you in right now can get you a free hundred-day subscription for merciless bullying

"It's not what it lo--"

"Hey Y/N, is the kid finished?"

"Wha-- you mean Dai?"

"Yeah, if he's done then you gotta hear me out now. What's the worst thing someone said behind my back?"

Ok right now, your brain's all question marks. 'Cause a sobbing grown ass man is snotting on your neck and another's asking like he's some prep girl needing to beat someone up over some petty rumor

"No-none that I've heard of..."

"What!? No one's talking about me?? That's even worse!"

Somehow, you manage to wrangle these overgrown manchildren, putting them both to bed after they’ve successfully obliterated your snack time

Daisuke, of course, is still clinging to your arm like a teddy bear, overly needing reassurance

After that? Life... it wasn’t the same

The captain received some valuable intel from a certain co-pilot then starts stopping you at the lounge when you relieved yourself at midnight

“Y/N... do you think I’m a good captain?”

It's 1 am

"Well, no one's mutinied yet, so... yeah, you're probably fine."

"Of course! The absence of rebellion is the mark of true leadership! Y/N, you're a genius! I've been looking at this all wrong!"

You watched Curly skipping - SKIPPING - to his sleeping quarters after patting you in the head

The respect you had for Anya skyrocketed, and once being alone with with the nurse you asked her

"Hey, how'd you deal with all the crap with those rascals?"

She looked at you blanked, then you were unexpectedly given a fromt row seat to Anya's hidden and horrifying side

"I CAN'T! ONE MORE "CAN I EAT EXPIRED SPACE FOODS" QUESTION FROM DAISUKE, I'M RAVAGING THAT GUN FROM THE COCKPIT AND PU--"

"Hey hey hey, Anya, calm down, love!"

"IT'S THE 17TH TIME THIS MONTH, Y/N! SEVENTEENTH!"

After what felt like an eternity of inhale-exhale simon says with the nurse (for her, but mostly for you), her breathing finally slowed down. Thank the stars for that

"How'd you do it Y/N? Every time they ask useless nonsense or dump very emotionally overwhelming things... you send them off calm! It's witchcraft, I swear."

"Honestly, I'm as clueless as you nurse. But you've got too much on your plate, lemme handle this. I've got two ears and infinite tolerance."

"Infinite tolerance? You? The same person who chased Daisuke down for 5 minutes just for a yogurt cup?"

"Hey, that was the last cup and were still 200 days away fro--alright. Just trust me Anya, I got this."

Y'all laughed about the outburst, but you're secretly terrified of her now (respectfully, of course)

One day, you were helping the grumpy mechanic one day and the man's acting weirdly cryptic

“Why can’t people just…? Ugh, forget it.”

Finally, after handing him a screwdriver for the third time, his grumblings axed a huge ass crack in your patience

“Alright, Swans. What’s eating you? You’re gonna blow a gasket at this rate, and I don’t mean the ship’s.”

The man got two choices, save his non-existent high pride or just release it all

“It’s nothin’. Just Jimboy's been stickin’ his nose where it doesn’t belong, Cap’s stressin’ over somethin’ again, and Daisuke-- Why can’t they just… leave me outta it?”

Ah, he chose wisely. and you weren't gonna tease him for it (not yet, he's gotta pay for stealing your dinner twice)

“Maybe it’s because they think you’re reliable.”

The gruff old man had the nerve to squint at you, you can see it through your trusty side-eye (it made your eyeballs hurt)

"Me? Reliable? Bullshit. 'M just keepin’ this old horse from fallin’ apart.”

“'xactly. You keep the ship together, so... maybe... they figured you can keep them together too.”

This gotta break the record for Swansea's longest silence ever, no snorts, no sighs, no scoffs

The mechanic processed that like you just revealed the meaning of life and sprinkled some fairy dust on his dirty blond head (at least the color's just named dirty unlike jimmy's actual dirty ass hai--)

“Hmph. That’s dumb.”

Your eyes woulda twitched if it weren't for his shoulders relaxing and a small smirk on the mans perma-wrinkled face, you were about to leave when you heard a small mumble

“...Thanks. For the help. Or… whatever the hell that was.”

Men and their pride, however you gave him a pass and grinned

“Anytime, Teddy Bear."

Most days, you could never even breathe oxygen in peace

For the first time, you eyed Polle with a jealous-fueled burning gaze. All it does was blast you with warnings, and you don't even have to do anything! Just breathe in its general direction and you've rewarded yourself with "SAFETY'S A PRIORITY!"

Meanwhile, you’re over here, literally tweaking and that damn horse was living its best, noise-polluting and noise-free life

Eventually, they started dragging you into these "group venting sessions," which are basically just everyone talking over each other until it’s less of a calm-headed, adult and mature discussion and more of a competition to see who can throw the best threat (Anya surprisingly won thrice)

Until you bang your trusty pot and spoon,

“ONE AT A FUCKING TIME!”

a/n: this is what my rotting, sleep deprived, caffeine overdosed brain produced, hope y'all like it :,D

[slu7formen]

uhmmmmmm luke castellan "can I be the godfather?" but he is the actual father??? is that anything?

luke castellan x pregnant!reader

idk if this is what you asked for, but it’s what I understood 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ pls let me know if I’ve done it wrong (tw: high chances of that)

warnings: reader is pregnant (duh), swearing, fluff ig <3

₊˚⊹♡

"I'm pregnant"

Luke stares at you, his expression stunned. You don't even know if he's happy, sad, scared, or has completely turned into a whole-ass statue.

"What?" he pushes out of his lips with inmerse difficulty.

You sigh. This boy knew damn well you hate having to repeat yourself. "I'm pregnant, Luke"

"I heard what you said" he clarifies, lifiting his hand. "I'm just... trying to process."

There's a weird silence, not tense and thick, but not a comfortable either. You cover your legs more with the blanket, lifiting it up to your tummy, as if trying to cover the ungrown belly that was very much already working on its own to bring to the world a new life.

"How long have you known?" he finally breaks the silence.

"I found out yesterday" you answer.

Luke's eyebrows raise, as if you had just said something far more surprising than ´I'm pregnant´. "And you didn't tell me?" he pushed.

"I'm telling you now!" you retort.

Luke covers his face. You still can't figure out his feelings; if he's mad, if he's excited, if he's freaking out. And that makes you feel a bit scared. You start feeling a bit desperate; you didn't plan what you would do if he didn't react the way you wanted him to react. You didn´t exactly know what reaction you were expecting from him either.

"How did this even happen?"

You give him a look. "Do you want me to explain it to you?"

"Gods-, not..." he smacks his own forehead in an act of dumbness. "I'm sorry"

You nod. At this point, there's nothing else to say or do. The bomb had already been thrown.

"Are you gonna keep it? I mean, do you want to?"

You knew he wasn't asking you to do exactly what you thought of doing the second you saw that test. He was asking you the same question you asked yourself for hours and hours, what were you gonna do now?

You sighed heavily. "You know I've been thinking about leaving camp" you say, forcing Luke to go back to that conversation you two had just a few weeks away, "My time has ended here. Maybe this is what I needed to realize I should leave"

"No, don't be ridiculous" he answers almost immediately.

You raise your eyebrows. "Don't call me ridiculous. You know I can't stay here forever, Luke"

"I'm very much aware of that" Luke seems to want to add something, but he doesn't.

If it were up to Luke, he would stay at camp until the day he died. What could he possibly want from the outside world? Studies? A family? A normal life? He forgot about those possibilities before he even turned twelve. Most demigods outgrew camp, like you wanted to do, but that was not on Luke's radar. You weren't surprised; he was a hero, the perfect son of Hermes. Of course he would stay at camp, and that would only be his first of many heroic achievements.

"I'll leave as soon as camp ends" you state, as if you had suddenly decided it all.

But now, Luke wanted to leave with you. He wanted to take care of you, the same care he's been taking for the last months since he got to know you better, maybe even treat you a lot better, but he couldn't bring himself to ask. You wanted to leave, and you weren't inviting him.

"Then, can I ask you something?" he asks.

You shrug with a small nod, "Anything"

"Can I be the godfather?"

He had a serious face, not the one when he was playing pranks or joking around, the one he wore when he was dead serious. Your stare at his face, ice cold. He seems like he had already come up with the idea, as if that was the first thing that he thought about when you gave him the news.

"Luke, are you fucking dumb?"

The poor guy widens his eyes, surprised by the sudden and very offensive answer. "What did I do?" he asks.

"Why are you asking me to be the godfather when you are the father!?"

His expression turns into an understanding, a sudden ´oh´ moment. "Are you serious?" he asks, almost as if he was asking you if you were totally fully a hundred percent sure.

You wanted to punch his nose.

"Luke. Who else am I having sex with if it isn't you!?" you can't help but yell at his face, his dumbness in a situation like this surprising you more than anything else.

"I was just making sure! What if it was from your ex? You slept with him a few months ago"

"I've been pregnant for less time than that, Luke!"

"I'm sorry! But I had to be sure!"

You take a deep breath, covering your face in frustration.

Luke stares at you for a second, almost as if trying to decipher your own emotions now. Then, he starts laughing, a real laughter. You lift your gaze, seeing his head tilt backwards.

"What are you laughing at?"

"It's just-," Luke's laughs continue for a little longer, "it's so weird. It's so weird to think I'm a dad"

"The dumbest dad to step a toe on earth, yes" you bite back, still unable to believe you were having a whole conversation with a guy that thought he was not the father of your child. Like-, why would you say it first to someone who isn't the father? He ignores your comment, but his lips curling up in a tiny smile. His expression shows you he's happy, and the realization makes your heart jump.

"Can I ask you another question?" he asks again, biting back a little grin forming on his lips.

"Depends, are you gonna ask if we used protection?"

"Wouls you let me go with you?"

That caught you off guard. You stare at his eyes, dark and shiny in the summer night. He seems nervous, anxious for the answer. His hand is fidgeting, and his leg is jumping. You feel yourself getting a little dizzy, the adrenaline in your blood making you a little more lightheaded.

"Why would you go with me?" you ask, as if the answer would explain all the possible reasons.

"Well, now that I know that it's mine," he begins, trying to lighten the mood a little. The cold stare of your tired eyes makes him instantly stop though. He clears his throat before continuing, "I'd like to help and be by your side. If you let me"

The last words stung a bit, knowing that he knew that there was a chance you would deny his offer. You weren't with Luke, not explicitly, or oficially, yet you'd known him for so long, and so well, that it felt odd not having him in your life. He was like a constant, a stable, and a good friend. It would be difficult, but you knew the road wouldn't be impossible, not if he was the one walking the same path.

"I'd like to take responsability. I don't want this kid to grow the same way you and I and all of the other demigods did" he continues, as if the silence was hurting him.

You'd never met someone as hurt with this whole demigod situation as Luke, which was ironic judging by how perfectly skilled and behaved he was. A clearly absent father, a mother gone mad, living in the streets for years, alone, hungry, cold, sweaty, hurt. If it was you, you wouldn't have survived, yet he managed to put on that mask and walk out and not let anyone know how destroyed his heart was. Luke was strong, which led him to be heroic. Did he need it? No, but he knew when and who to use it with. You loved that about him.

Besides, he was good with kids.

"You know, you're not the worst choice of a father" you tease. You can see him smile, relieved, his shoulders relaxing.

"Really?" he asks, hopeful.

He smiles widely, and his smile is so contagious that you can't help but mirror him. He pushes himself off his seat in a flash, kneeling next to you. He puts his arms around your body and lifts you up. You laugh loudly, surprised by the sudden act. You wrap your arms around his neck and let him lift you off the bed.

He stops for a moment, gently putting you down on the floor again. He hugs you softly then, pressing his forehead to yours.

"We're suppossed to get married now, right?" he asks with a tilt of his head.

"What?"

[fairyhaos]

◈ endearingly // lee dokyeom

dokyeom x f!reader, 1.6k+ words

tags: pet names, fluff, angstier than i thought it would be??, established relationship, idolverse, soonhoon cameo + jeonghan cameo

notes: ib a convo i had with an irl ab pet names!! sorry nb/male carats but this only worked with f!yn :(

summary: in which you hate pet names, but your boyfriend loves them. nevertheless, the two of you manage to make it work.

“Darling?”

“No.”

“Babe.”

“Ew.”

“Honey.”

“I’m not food.”

“Sweetie?”

“I’m literally not food, Seokmin.”

“Aw, come on,” your boyfriend, Seokmin, pouts sadly at you and then promptly faceplants onto your bed in a dramatic display of his distress. “Why can't I call you a pet name? Why don’t you like any of them?”

Sitting cross-legged at the head of your bed, you watch amusedly as Seokmin begins flailing about like a fish throwing a tantrum into your sheets before you. He groans, flips onto his back and stares up at you through his eyelashes, forehead wrinkling as he strains to look at you from his upside-down position.

“Is there really nothing that you like?”

You sigh, leaning back against the headboard. “They’re all so cringy, Seokmin. It makes me feel all… icky.”

Honestly, after six months of dating, it was inevitable that a conversation about this was bound to come up eventually. You're surprised he hasn't called you any pet names until now, but he mostly sticks to saying your name in the most enamoured tone possible, and it's only after the small incident a few hours ago that it's finally happened. The talk on your dislike of such terms of endearment. 

Seokmin sits upright, scrambling around so he can face you. “It’s just because you’re not used to them, I promise,” he says earnestly. "Once you start hearing them a lot, they become really cute!”

You shake your head. “No. Trust me, I really don’t like them at all. They feel really… objectifying. And I know you never mean it like that, but it still makes me feel all bad inside.” Seokmin's face falls, and you wince apologetically. “Sorry. That was probably a really weird thing to say. I'm sorry. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s okay,” Seokmin says. “I get it. And if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I won’t use them, don't worry about it.” He smiles brightly, and you pout placatingly, patting him on the head. 

“Sorry. I shouldn't have said that so harshly.”

“No, no, it's fine, trust me,” Seokmin reassures. “And it's not harsh. It totally explains why you reached the way you did earlier, so it's all okay. For realsies. I swear.”

But even as he says so, he’s still pouting profusely, head hung like a dejected puppy, and you wonder why this is getting to him so much. 

Seokmin is big on feelings, big on emotions, but he’s also getting better at handling the negative stuff. And normally, only significant things like acts of injustice or cruel words towards his loved ones will have him upset in this way, so you’re honestly quite confused.

This whole predicament arose earlier that afternoon, when you’d popped your head into the studio that Seokmin had told you he was working in, only to find him immersed in songwriting with Jihoon and Soonyoung.

That hadn’t been a problem, and you’ve walked into studios numerous times to find your boyfriend immersed in something with the other guys, but it’s the first time that what happened next had occurred—

Seokmin’s eyes had lit up when he saw you hovering in the doorway, and he waved you over with a grin.

“Hey!” he’d said, gesturing for you to come in. “Didn’t expect to see you here so early, baby.”

And at the pet name attached to the end of that sentence, you’d cringed immensely and physically recoiled, as if the term had literally grown arms and smacked you across the face.

The change in atmosphere had been instant, both Jihoon and Soonyoung looking confused at your demeanour.

“What is it?”

You couldn’t look Soonyoung in the eye even as he voiced his question, too embarrassed by your extreme reaction. “Sorry. I just. I don’t really like being called—that.”

Too busy looking at the floor, you didn’t notice the way Seokmin’s face fell also, but you could hear it in his tone.

“Oh… I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know.”

The conversation had ended soon after that, with Seokmin promising he’ll be done soon and urging you to just wait at home. There had been no point in hanging around, especially with how stifling the studio had suddenly become. And true to his word, Seokmin came straight over to your house some minutes later, and then the subject had come up once again, and here you were.

It can’t be because of the embarrassment of it happening in front of his bandmates, you decide. If anything, you feel more embarrassed and ashamed for reacting so harshly. 

But Seokmin looks so dejected, even as he tries to wipe away his pout and leans over to snuggle into your side, burrowing into the space between your shoulder and your neck.

“Sorry,” you say again, because you're not sure how to fix this. “If you like them, then I guess I can get used to it…?”

Seokmin's shaking his head before you can even finish. 

“No, if it makes you uncomfortable, of course I don't want to use them,” he says. He reaches over to where your hands rest in your lap, beginning to fiddle with your fingers with his own. “I'm not sad about it. It's okay.”

You pout down at the top of his head, even though he can't see you. “Yes you are, Seokmin. What's wrong?”

He doesn't say anything, continuing to play with your fingers. When you close your hands into fists, preventing him from fiddling anymore, he whines in protest, taking his head off your shoulder to look at you petulantly. 

“Please tell me what's wrong, Seokmin,” you say, instead of giving in to the puppy eyes he's making at you. “I can tolerate the pet names if it means a lot to you, really. I promise it'll be okay.”

Seokmin hesitates, and then looks away, shoulders shrinking inwards. 

“It's just. I wanna call you something special. Like, your name is so pretty, and I love it, but I wanna be able to say something cute and unique that's just for me when I wanna call you over or whatever,” Seokmin admits. 

He looks up at you, just briefly, before he looks down at the bedding again, cheeks pink. 

“Some days, I can't even believe you're dating me. I can't believe I'm this lucky. And I just… wanted to call you something that could affirm that. And pet names seemed an easy way to show how lucky I feel to be with you. Shows how much I love you, you know?”

Your eyes widen. The L-O-V-E word hasn't come up between the two of you yet, but—after a relationship of six months, and a friendship that's been going strong for many years before this, perhaps it's not so surprising. 

It's definitely not surprising that Seokmin's said it first, though. He's always been big on feelings. 

(You love him for it.) 

“Oh,” you say softly, heart melting at his shy, sincere admission. “I feel the same way,” you say, and Seokmin looks up at you, eyes wide and hopeful. 

“You like me that much? You're willing to let me call you a pet name?”

“I love you,” you correct, smile widening. “And… well, I think we can work something out.”

───────────── ‘🧴, 

“So then what happened?” Jeonghan asks after you finish recounting your story to him over the phone. His face is slathered in some clay mask and in the blurry connection of the video call, he looks like a green-skinned, peeling zombie. 

You smile, shrugging. “We worked it out,” you say, sitting down at your sofa, phone propped on your knees so you can talk to Jeonghan better. “He's not calling me anything like baby or sweetie, but we're both happy with it.”

“He'll honestly be happy with anything,” Jeonghan says dryly. “He loves everything about you. You could say you want him to call you “boulder” and he'll agree.”

That makes you laugh. “No, he wouldn't. That's silly.”

“Trust me. He'd do it.”

“Lies.”

“Why don't you ask him and find out?”

There's the distinct pattern of beeps as someone inputs the passcode to your door, and then the telltale melody of the passcode being inputted correctly. You look up as the door opens, and Seokmin steps through, making you smile. 

“Speak of the devil,” you say, in Jeonghan's direction. “Seokmin just came home.”

“Hey there, girlfriend,” Seokmin greets you with a smile, coming over to kiss you on the forehead before peering at your screen. “Oh, is that Jeonghan hyung?”

“Hey there, boyfriend,” you greet back, smiling up at him. “It is. I was telling him about our new nickname system.”

“Oh!” Seokmin's face breaks out into a wider grin. “Well. It was your idea, so I'll leave you to it, my girlfriend. I'm all sweaty, though, so I'm off to shower first. Tell him I said hi!”

“Just say hi to me yourself, ” Jeonghan says amusedly. "I can hear you."

You laugh at Jeonghan's response, pecking Seokmin on the cheek before he moves off in the direction of the bathroom. 

“Welcome home, my boyfriend.”

“That's cute,” Jeonghan comments, once Seokmin has left the room. “He calls you girlfriend.”

You smile, and you know how heart-sickeningly in-love you look right now, but it doesn't even matter. 

“He does. The whole thing with pet names was just the idea of specialness between us, and the girlfriend and boyfriend thing do it quite well. Without making it sound like he's talking to a teddy bear. It's cute, right?”

Jeonghan hums. “I dunno. Teddy bears are pretty cute.” But then he smiles, all real and genuine and cracking the edges of his clay mask as he does. “I was right, though. He just loves everything about you.”

“Yes, he does,” you say, overflowing with fondness. “Good thing I love everything about him too.”

fics tags: @jeonginssa @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @zozojella @kawennote09 @a-wandering-stay @abibliolife @wonranghaeee @icyminghao @sweet-like-caramel @your-yxnnie @odxrilove @kyeomyun @crackedpumpkin @kellesvt @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @starshuas @raevyng @isabellah29 @hrts4hanniehae @mcu-incorrect @dokyeomkyeom @suraandsugar @tulsa24 @melodicrabbit @dokyeomkyeom @hopeless-foolery

[opiopal]

I think mc most likely gets away with a lot, and I think that’s really funny.

cause obviously they all favor mc, and they’re normally so sweet that when they do end up being at fault for something it’s kind of like “aw it’s ok you silly goose🫶☺️” and they just straight up let mc get away with it if they feel it wasn’t that bad, and obviously mc sometimes does get punished if they were apart of something, but clearly luci isn’t as harsh on them as he is everyone else. however.. hear me out.

how little trouble do you guys think a teen mc would get in?? cause clearly there’s the factor of they aren’t an adult and don’t know right from wrong quite yet!!(at least in the eyes of the brothers ofc lmao) how could they be so cruel to punish someone who doesn’t know any better???? And of course I’m sure we can all be in agreement that in the case of a teen/kid mc, they would become the 8th sibling. A spoiled one at that.

and depending on who mc is as a person, they probably take advantage of this a lot whenever they mess up. of course there’s also most likely the fact of mc being able to explain their thought process without the fear of being punished or yelled at and they’re simply redirected and told to not do it again, however I think it’s funnier if they’re about to get in trouble for something they did, but they just look at whoever is upset at them with watery eyes and a guilty face, and suddenly it’s- “oh- mc- no no I didn’t mean to yell- im sorry I know it was a mistake- here I’ll take care of it don’t worry we’ll talk later- of course you’re not in trouble mc it’s ok I swear,”

and for some reason literally everyone else can see how much they spoil mc except for the brothers themselves. Like maybe it even gets to a point where Dia feels he has to bring it up,

“I’m so glad we’ve had this time to enjoy each others company Lucifer, however I was planning on asking you about Mc..”

“Did something happen that I wasn’t aware of?”

“goodness no! Nothing at all! I simply wanted to bring up that uhm.. don’t you think you and your brothers… spoil them a bit much?”

“Respectfully, unless they are rotten I do not believe they could ever be spoiled ‘too much’ Lord Diavolo.”

“Ah,”

[bajablastwrites]

A new student!

Platonic! Satoru Gojo x Fem! Student! reader

Summary: Congratulations! Gojo unofficially adopts you after he accidentally came upon you while you were running errands!

Author’s Note: This has been sitting in my drafts for a while and I completely revised it cuz this shit was all over the place (and probably still is) when I first started writing it, and I’m currently going through a depressive episode and need to feel some fulfillment in my life so here you go :)

—————————————————————————————

Ok so imagine you’re out in public just minding your business, maybe running errands or something who knows. Then this tall blindfolded guy with white hair comes up to you and asks if you’d like to join his school, saying you have potential. You say no, not really interested in his offer and try to get on with your day. He starts to follow you, trying to persuade you to join his school, clearly not taking no for an answer and at some point the man is looming over you and starts wiggling his fingers in your direction, telling you that you’ll be well taken care of and you’ll be his favorite student too, you’re special after all.

Anyone with a brain cell knows that an adult calling a minor “special” or their “favorite” while saying they’ll be “well taken care of” is enough to receive a hard drive check. So like any normal person you book it and it didn’t take long for you to realize he’s running after you. You had a feeling he wasn’t actively trying to catch you— with his long legs you knew he could easily catch up to you if he really wanted to, but for some reason he didn’t. Not one to question the weird opportunity to escape for too long, you run into a crowd in the hopes that you’ll lose him, which you thought you were successful in since you didn’t see him anymore— he’s not exactly hard to miss after all.

After that ordeal you decide to go into a couple more shops and stores for a little longer just to make sure he’s actually gone and isn’t following you before you head home and call it a day. Only to find the same suspicious man in your living room the next day wearing sunglasses. He introduced himself as Satoru Gojo as he talked with your mom about the new school you can go to. He made it out as if you’re being scouted by a prestigious religious school that offered a scholarship when you go to college after graduation. So obviously your mom made you gently persuaded you to agree to going to the school, it’s not everyday you get an opportunity like this. So in the end you reluctantly agreed while your new teacher Gojo tells you to be packed by tomorrow as you walked him to the door per your mom’s instructions.

You wanted to slam the door in his face and never look at him again, but mom said no.

“I knew your mom would help me out, she’s such a nice lady!”

“How’d you even know where I lived?!”

Not only did this guy chase you around in public, but he then had the balls to show up to your house and borderline flirt with your mom, while trying to convince her to let her kid join a mysterious religious school!

To add insult to injury it worked.

“Don’t worry about details like that! I’ll be stopping by tomorrow evening. Maybe spend some time with your mom while you get your stuff transported to the school, just standard procedures ‘n stuff!” He said as he stepped out into your front yard to take his leave.

You swear your brain went blank once that sentence was processed. That isn’t normal right??

“I’m no expert on standard procedure for moving into an on-campus dorm, but I’m pretty sure you taking to my mom isn’t one of them.” You blatantly stated while silently praying he’s not implying what you think he’s implying.

The man claiming to be your new teacher turned around and decided to open his mouth and worsen your already bad view on him.

“Eh? Well how else am I supposed to get to know her? I don’t mind older women, nothing wrong with enjoying vintage beauty from time to time. She looks really good for her age too, I’m sure she could use someone like me to keep her company!” He boasted while pointing at himself.

You also couldn’t help but get offended on your mom’s behalf, because why did he regally call your mom old?

“My mom’s not old and she’s in a happy loving marriage with my dad!!” You tried to keep yourself from yelling too loudly, less your mom hear you yelling at a guest you were supposed to be showing to the door. Honestly she should’ve checked on you sooner because it doesn’t take this long to walk someone to the door.

Your inner child was punching the air, how dare that man flirt with your mom! The idea that someone other than your dad wanting to fuck your mom— no; actually the idea that your parents fuck is already painful enough.

Your new teacher is saying he wants to get with your mom is hurting your soul in a new way you never thought possible.

He’s so fucking weird.

Anyways that’s how you met your teacher Gojo :)

And of course he gave you the honorary title of being his favorite student just like he said he would! You don’t get any special treatment or anything though so that’s pretty disappointing.

But back to the topic at hand. You probably came in at around the same time Yuji did and because of his friendly nature and that fact that you’re both new students you guys got on well— which Gojo was happy to see because now he’s plotting and scheming. To get with your mom

By that I mean he got bored one day and decided he wanted play matchmaker by setting you up with either Yuji or Megumi. (Mainly with Megumi cuz he’s known him the longest so he’s biased-) Depending on how well you get along with either one he’ll start to meddle in you guy’s business and try to get you guys to kiss or something idk— especially if it’s with Megumi. Again he’s very biased when it comes to Megumi. Why isn’t his adopted son rizzing you up like he’s supposed to!😡

Sometimes Gojo likes to dote on you like how a dad would to his daughter— mostly because you’re the only student besides Yuji that won’t try and deck him in the face when he goes in to hug you or something. You just let it happen and sometimes even return the hugs.

It’s honestly really easy to forget he’s supposed to be your teacher since he acts more like an older cousin or brother more than anything. But at the end of the day you and everyone else are under his care and that’s something he takes seriously even if he is pretty goofy.

Gojo thinks you’re one of the cutest things he’s seen, you just have a more rounded appearance compared to the rest of his students. He credits that to your mom’s genesis. He’s just gotta squish your face! Sometimes he forgets that you’re the same age as the rest of his students since you’ve got a very youthful appearance (a nicer way of saying you don’t look your age💀). He can’t help but just want to hug and squish you or poke at your cheeks whenever he sees you!

Was lowkey surprised that you let him do it in the first place since his students would fight tooth and nail to keep him from doing anything remotely affectionate, but decided not to mention it because of his pride and ego.

Bro definitely pinches your cheeks when he gets irritated with you and he won’t let go until you say sorry to him😭

You’ve also earned the nickname “Chibi-chan” from him and he’ll only address you as Chibi-chan from hear on out. Embarrassing his students is his favorite hobby :)

But anyways!

Ignoring that he occasionally makes passing comments about your mom and wanting to get to know her in the most unprofessional way possible. He’s not a shabby support system, if you have hobbies or like to do stuff outside of jujutsu he’s there to support you. Man’s will do anything he can to help you achieve your goals. Especially if there’s some sort of event pertaining to it. Even better if your mom is in attendance! As long as your hobbies or interest’s aren’t harmful or dangerous to you or others he’s more than happy to support you!

Like Yuji he also trained you one-on-one to learn the basics of Jujutsu or get a better grasp of your technique if you have one. He would’ve trained you with Yuji but this was when everyone thought he was dead. So he was either training you both on different days of the week or he was running back and forth between the two of you if what he was teaching you guys was the same thing.

Though you progressed faster than Yuji seeing as you still got to interact with your classmates and the second years, so you were able to train and practice with them while also being trained by gojo himself later in the day. So he would skim over or review the concept of whatever he was teaching you that day and move on to having you put it into practice while helping you improve what he’s teaching you.

But once everyone knows Yuji’s alive then he trains you two together while commenting how he’s glad doesn’t have to repeat the same lessons anymore now that everyone knows Yuji isn’t dead. It’s a lot more fun training with Yuji too. Teamwork and such— totally not a part of his plan to get you with Yuji or Megumi.

If you ever get any injuries from any missions he checks in on you and talks about paying your mom a “personal” visit, saying that he promised he’d update her on anything that happens in your life and “comfort” her whenever you get sick or injured. You still don’t know if he’s actually serious but that doesn’t stop you from expressing your disgust and having a thousand yard stare every single time.

“I’m gonna have to pay your mom a little personal visit this afternoon to update her on your current situation. I’ll make sure to comfort her too so she’s not overwhelmed hearing that her sweet baby girl is hurt!” He leaned back dramatically while putting the back of his hand against his forehead, oh the tragedy! Except we’re in the 21st century, technology has advanced so much that we practically walk around with a mini laptop in our pockets.

He can just call her!! Hell, he could send her an email or a letter from the school, and not visit her in person! Fucking weirdo.

“Die. Die. I hope you choke on your next meal and die.” You were supposed to be recovering in peace but I guess the big man upstairs had other plans. So now you’re in bed injured and seething, what a way to recover.

Gojo put his hand to his chest let out a dramatic gasp. His own student— his favorite student of all people is wishing death upon him! “Wishing death upon your favorite sensei, I’m hurt! Even after I made you my favorite student and promised your super nice mom I’d care for you like you’re my own kid!”

You knew he wanted to call your mom something other than just super nice. The cringe was immaculate and you never wanted to curl up in a hole and die more than ever.

“You’re the only first-year teacher here— and leave my mom alone!!”

Even if you know he’s not actually trying to get with your mom, it doesn’t stop you from feeling like you’ve heard the worst string of words to ever befall the ears of another human being.

You’re not alone though because the rest of your classmates also cringe or make disgusted faces when Gojo makes any kind of implications about your mom. Everyone gets to suffer what a great bonding experience! Fun!

[fearsomeandwrong]

omg thank u for tagging me again I love it!!

Even though some really weird stuff that can’t be explained have happened im definitely teem rational. i think we see the show from the girls’ pov (mainly shauna’s) so many stuff can be twisted because of the trauma they had witnessed. Also, i think they believed in a supernatural “power” in the wilderness, because they didn’t have faith in anything else. They were desperate to find a purpose. Just like people do when they’re struggling. As Taylor Swift said: “ desperate people find faith so now i pray to jesus too”

ahhhhhh i can’t decide about my favourite teens it’s either jackie or lottie. I love them both so much. my little misunderstood babies 😭😭😭😭😭😭☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️😭☹️☹️. adult timeline (this is probably controversial) BUT it’s shauna and misty. adult misty is probably the funniest person in the world like go off queen! whatever u say i’ll agree! i fear she’s me when i grow up without the murdering of course😇 and shauna well do i REALLY need to explain. okay yeah she was an annoying mum but she’s been through so much i don’t know how people expect her to turn into a perfect mother figure after everything she has faced.

i mean the Yellowjackets soundtrack EATS (just like them) BUT i loved the fade into you scene and obviously the radiohead scene while they were eating jackie. however you can’t deny the scenes with jeff were😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love that man i don’t care. HE LITERALLY PLAYED FUCK THE POLICE IN FROMT OF THE POLICE STATION BECAUSE HIS WIFE WHO WAS A MURDERER WAS INSIDE. if this isn’t iconic idk what is. and also that scene when he played that song that said cut my life into pieces after going to that guys gallery😭😭😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING it’s so funny even thinking about i was laughing so hard during that scene

my favourite ship is BY FAR jackieshauna. it’s the most realistic one to me and i have already an essay about them in my notes they’re so tragic i could die about them. every. single. detail. i learn about them is so sad like they’re the saddest people on this earth. i have a soft spot for ships that end tragically 💔

so I don’t remember the episode numbers and everything (IM NOT A FAKE FAN I SWEAR) but my favourite episode is the one with jackie cannibalism scene. OBVIOUSLY. if someone told me to define art i would simply just show them this scene. my other fav is the one with Shauna’s birth. i was for about half an hour. whatever negative thought i had for shauna disappeared the second i watched this scene. “Me and you against the world” just kill me. just slaughter me already.

i would really like it for the antler queen to be nat. she’s the “purest” of them but she’s the queen. it just makes so much sense. she’s also the one that has had the worst healing process by far. i would also like if the antler queen will be a plot twist and someone we wouldn’t expect

i have so many scenes that i love. every jackieshauna staring session. lottie trying to make nat remember and then nat laying on her legs. jackie cannibalism scene. the girls dancing showing they’re still just kids. everything about this show is perfection

my personal theory is that they all go back to the wilderness and die at the end. they have realised they loved the freedom the wilderness gave them and start feeling like it’s their faith. this would be so so sad cause if someone bothers my baby shauna im gonna kill them but unfortunately i just have this feeling no one will make it out alive. they will go insane to the point there’s like 3,2,1 of them. the last one remaining will either live and try to have a normal life (i don’t think so) or die because they lost their purpose.

i have done numerous quizzes cause im obsessed with this stuff and the character that is most like me is lottie. she’s introverted, thoughtful, portrayed as weird and just gets me! she’s sensitive and empathetic and may seem cold to people that don’t know her that much. exactly the same as me im not able to say a word to people i don’t know well.

the craziest thing I’ve done for yellowajckets because now I’ve become insane and can’t leave without it

bonus!!!! well I’ve only stated my most controversial take on here and it’s about lottienat. i totally get why people would like them together but i think other lottie ships make more sense (lottieshauna) another controversial take is the fact that I like coach Ben and i think his acts are completely justified. i don’t get why people hate him so much like he just saw a group of teenage girls eat their teammate obviously he’s not going to be very normal about it?!?

thats itttt. omg i loved this so much and i loved ur opinions !

npt: @pinkcatsthatfly @pangaeaguilt @maddiethegoodwitch @nattylvr @natsboygirlfriend @shaunapolxgist @soapyjackets @soapylot @jackieshaunism @jaxieshauna @eaton-courtney @cassioo

Starting a Yellowjackets tag!

I want to get my mind off of things so: If you want, answer any or all of the questions below and tag 10 people (or however many you want) who also might want to share! I would love to see what you guys have to say!

1. Are you team Rational or Supernatural?

2. Who is your favorite teen timeline character? Favorite adult timeline character?

3. What is your favorite needledrop?

4. What is your favorite ship?

5. What is your favorite episode?

6. Who do you want the Antler Queen to be?

7. What is your favorite scene in the entire series?

8. A theory or prediction you have about Season 3?

9. Which character do you relate to the most, and why?

10. What is the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of Yellowjackets?

Bonus:

11. What’s your most controversial Yellowjackets take?

—

Here’s mine!

1. I am mostly Team Rational because I love the way this show depicts trauma but I also love seeing the supernatural side of things through the survivors’ eyes if that makes sense.

2. Natalie in the teen timeline because I love her compassion and softness underneath the front she puts on. Lottie in the adult timeline because I love her internal battle with herself and how afraid she is of her own mind. Misty is a close second in the adult timeline!

3. “Cornflake Girl” playing while Nat sees the mossy tree for the first time, Callie seeing the Adam Martin driver’s license in the barbecue, and Shauna eating Jackie’s ear. It just goes so perfectly with everything that’s going on (especially the elevated piano while Nat and Travis are scaling the mountain and the lyrics while Shauna takes the bite!)

4. LottieNat is my favorite ship I can’t help it Nat and Lottie are my favorite characters so having them together is a dream (TaiVan, JackieShauna, and TravNat are up there, too).

5. 1x09 “Doomcoming” is just amazing and captures everything I love about Yellowjackets. I love when they let the girls go batshit crazy, hoping we get more Doomcoming vibes in S3.

6. I want the Antler Queen to be Natalie because that would show a true descent for her in the Wilderness from being the most morally grounded one to the leader of the group at their most unhinged and primal. But honestly I think that Shauna might be the AQ after all…

7. I think the Jackie-eating scene is the best in the entire show. The “Climbing Up the Walls” song choice, the bacchanal feast flashes as a way of coping with the horror of what they’re doing, seeing them go fully feral for the first time, it’s such a well crafted scene.

8. I know this probably won’t happen but I’m just going to throw it out there that Cabin Daughter is alive and she will be revealed to have been Javi’s “friend”!

9. I relate to Shauna the most because I also admittedly have a bit of an obsessive/intense personality and I, too, internalize my emotions to a very unhealthy degree sometimes. I also grew up being in love with my childhood best friend who is very, very much like Jackie (and now we have been dating for 7 years!)

10. Mine is a mix of going to a Yellowjackets panel and sitting like 5 feet from the showrunners, doing everything in my power to score early screening tickets to Heretic and Companion, and pretending I was sick so I could go home early from work the day that the S3 trailer came out.

11. The male characters on this show get too much hate🫢 I like Travis, Jeff, Kevyn, and Walter (even though his introduction and storyline are rushed and forced). I don’t like them more than the female characters, but I like them nevertheless and appreciate their contributions to the plot.

No pressure tags! (I’m tagging 15 bc I feel like it) @before-it-felt-like-a-sin @baked-potatoes-rule @jackiesnats @deerest-deer @whodoesnataliehave @stilllsage @fairytwles @glitterfairy-21225 @lesbianforlottie @tr4vnat @lauraleetaylor @cassioo @natsboygirlfriend @soapyjackets @pinkkkkat @natgf123 +literally anyone else who wants to!

[unreadpoppy]

i've seen too many people talking about the bg3 fandom dying within the a year and i do have to ask...have y'all never been in another fandom before???

[yellowballoondogs]

Everyone jokes about Scott summers being a cheater but like (and I swear I’m not defending cheating) he was at the lowest point of his life both physically and mentally. He went through severe psychological trauma that messed up his powers and his relationship. He went to a licensed therapist and friend, one who had helped his friend (Bobby Drake) in the past.

They didn’t even have physical sex. It was all telepathic and pushed by his therapist as “sex therapy” to fix his relationship. (and it wasnt even Emma to Scott it was a mental hallucination of Jean by Emma)

He said several times that he didn’t want it, even saying and I fucking quote “I don’t feel safe here”. And even after he was pushed into the “therapy” later on when given to chance to get hanky panky with Emma physically he declined.

I’m not saying Emma was a rapist or Jean was in the wrong for initially being piseed the fuck off but I am saying Scott was a victim and to consider his therapist making advances on him and pushing him into telepathic sex therapy to make him a serial cheater…. Yeah no

And I don’t wanna hear any shit about Jean kissing wolverine.

The x-men are all a bunch of fucked up traumatized 20 something’s with undeveloped brains and concussions living in a soap opera where giant robots and the government try to genocide them every week all while balancing powers they never asked for that usually threaten themselves or those around them and being hated for it. None of them should be expected to act like normal sane people, it was fucked up therapy and a little smooch, they’re fine.

[committingcrimes-2047]

I'm thinking about Vander x reader- im thinking about a story where they are maybe childhood friends and then they end up fighting on the bridge together but get separated and no one knows where Reader is so they assume theyre dead only for them to show up a year later.

Imagine Reader showing up at the last drop as its closing and Vander has his back to them and tells them that hes about to close up shop and they just sit down and maybe ask for a super specific thing that they always used to order and he like turns around and realises its them and it goes from there.

I know people are in agony with the new season so I thought I might as well throw some silly little ideas out into the wild. Please tag me if anyone writes this- not because its my idea but because im desperate for more Vander please and thank you.

[remma-demma]

I’m actually scared of alienating some of my followers and moots with all the trans discourse I’ve been steeping quietly in and contemplating, but… I’m trying to not let being scared shut me up about this. That, in and of itself, is erasure and silencing.

Fuck staying quiet. Trans men and mascs deserve a voice, and we, as a group, are not oppressing or invalidating anyone else by using that voice. (Obviously there are shithead exceptions!! Anyone can be an asshole.)

I really hope that if I ever speak about any of this in the future, that people recognize that it’s not ever, ever trans femininity as a concept I have an issue with. It’s people who

- try to divide the community

- are reinventing gender essentialism from the ground up but make it trans

-police other people’s identities and decide for them what oppression they must face because of a tiny set of superficial traits

- simply. Don’t understand what intersectionality means.

- disregard and invalidate anyone who doesn’t fit a very specific (binary, rich, white, abled, flawlessly passing) idea of what it means to be trans.

None of those things are specific or exclusive to one identity. There just happens to be a community of transfems who are currently espousing many of these ideas as gospel. They are understandably defensive because of real actual transmisogyny they face. But other trans people are not your enemy. Accusing anyone and everyone who tries to point these flaws out as radical transmisogynists is simply not true. Pointing out bigotry is not bigotry in itself.

I don’t want the trans community to constantly be at each other’s throats. We each have to sit down and think if we ever catch ourselves blaming an entire other marginalized group for our issues. That’s just fascism babes.

[thegreatyin]

the world's least normal trio of ambition protagonists

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando Chair Lore: 2013 edition(no lore, just pics haha):

[bean-spring]

Mel haters are so funny to me because they quite literally have nothing to say against her besides "nooo she used Jayce for hextech!!" well, it's what happens when that's your fucking job

[synthshenanigans]

the Identity lacking knowledge of its identity

[fun alt repeating thing above & neat alt versions below]