#the entire route all i can imagine is those silly little dogs holding each other

[sheetzking]

Compilation of random hakuoki stuff ive done over the last month because ive been replaying the games👍

idk if anyone sees my visions here idek if theres a fandom here ?? hey guys😌

[ikeromantic]

For the Best

An Ikevamp Leonardo story occurring toward the beginning of Ch. 11 of Leo’s main route. Approx 1000 words. Angsty-ish?

I can’t help but imagine Leonardo and le Comte having a complicated relationship, especially where MC is concerned.

First: That First Night

Previous: Tease SFW/NSFW

Comte did not miss Leonardo’s muttered words on parting. 

“Always with the suggestions.” And a heartbeat later, “. . . I’ll do it.”

Those last three little words. Simple, on their face, surfacing from a deep well of pain. Leonardo and his ideals. Held so precious he’d rather keep them than take a moment of happiness. It killed Comte to see his friend like this. 

When he’d asked Leonardo to watch out for the girl, he hadn’t expected Leo to feel much of anything besides amusement. It came as a surprise to see them growing close. To watch those bonds settle around Leo’s heart.

Yet, he thought the bonds between Leonardo and his cara mia were light enough to still break with little damage on either side. That would be for the best for them both. Leonardo would continue on his lonely path and the girl . . . he supposed it would be best to send her home after the month, as promised.

It would be such a pity to lose her though. Sebas truly appreciated her help, and more importantly, she brought a spark of joy and life to the sedate residents of his mansion. Even to him. Comte smiled.

***

The garden smelled like fresh turned dirt and blooming flowers. Comte settled onto a stone bench, enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun. He shrugged off his coat and set it beside him.

“Would you like a cool drink?” The girl - she’d noticed him and immediately asked after his needs. Sebastian was a good teacher. 

Comte shook his head. “I am not thirsty. But, I would enjoy your company. Please, sit?” He motioned to the open spot beside his coat.

She blushed prettily, her gaze on the ground as she took her seat. “D-did you need to talk about something with me?” She risked a glance up at him.

“No.” He looked at her, the flush of life in her cheeks, the spark of curiosity in her eyes. “I thought we might spend some time together. After all, it won’t be long until the door opens and I will have lost my chance to know you better.”

This only made her blush more furiously. “I - that is, Monsieur, le Comte, ah - “

“Do I make you nervous?”

She nodded.

“Because I am an ageless, time traveling nobleman who drinks blood to sustain an unnatural lifespan?”

She nodded again, finally looking up at him.

Comte laughed. “I am sorry, cherie. It is not my intention to intimidate you. Truly. Can we think of each other as traveling companions, chance met?” 

The girl considered this and then nodded a third time. “I- yes. I think I can do that.”

“Excellent.” He took her hand and kissed it. He could feel the pulse beneath the fragile skin, and taste the slight tang of her sweat. “Now that we are off to a better start, I would like to ask for the privilege of taking you into town.”

Her nose wrinkled. “For work?”

Comte laughed. “I am not Leonardo. No, my dear. I want to show you some of the sights. Things that are gone in your age, but that still grace Paris today. Perhaps you can find a way to include them in your blog?”

“Oh! How did you know about that?”

“Sebas has very fine things to say about you. And I have a certain fondness for writers.” 

The girl considered his offer. He found it fascinating that she actually thought about it rather than quickly agreeing. He wondered if this was shyness on her part, or stubbornness. Leonardo had quite a bit of trouble getting her to go along with his plans.

After a brief silence, she told him she would love to. 

“Then let’s go.” Comte picked up his coat and laid it over his arm and then took her hand. “Would you like to hear about one of my past acquaintances? He was a Dutch prince with grand ambitions and I - I convinced him I was a real alchemist.”

***

From the window above, Leonardo still stood, smoking his cigarillo in the late afternoon shadows. He had not expected Comte to wander off with his cara mia. It made him uncomfortable to see her smile up at that old devil. Holding onto his arm, laughing. 

Leo tossed his cigarillo to the ground and crushed the tip to ash with the toe of his boot. “Fine,” he told the empty garden.

Isaac was in the library, working on a formula that looked promising. Leonardo interrupted him by taking a noisy seat in one of the comfortable worn leather chairs.

“Have you heard of something called radio waves?” Leo asked the physicist. 

“What is it?” Isaac looked up from his work, mildly annoyed.

“Ray-dee-oh.”

The physicist shook his head. “Is this some silliness from Doyle? Or did you pester the word out of poor Sebastian?”

“Neither.” Leonardo frowned. This was supposed to distract him from his sweet compagna, not remind him of her. He stood up, uncomfortable again. 

“Hm. The girl then? She doesn’t seem very . . . learned. Though I was quite impressed with her linguistic skill. Tad sorry she wasn’t properly trained. I imagine she would have an ear for Latin.” 

Isaac was getting on Leonardo’s nerves. Yes. That was it. This was the entirely wrong distraction. He rushed out of the room without another word, leaving Newt to give a bewildered glare at his retreating back.

Arthur was nowhere to be found, much to Leonardo’s dismay. But Theo was in the dining room, sipping a sweet cordial. Leonardo poured himself a glass of wine and sat. Yes, this was much better. 

Theo ignored him at first. Making notes in his ledger and drinking. It was peaceful. 

Leonardo noticed the light outside was turning red-gold, the sun setting behind the trees.

“You keep looking out the window like a man that lost his dog,” the art dealer commented. 

“I didn’t lose anything.” 

Theo smirked. “Just like you were all alone in the thermae before Vince and I popped by?” He shook his head. 

“That was a misunderstanding,” Leo sighed. Clearly talking with Theodorus was an even worse distraction than Isaac. He could not escape the worry that his cara mia would enjoy her time with Comte. More. More than she enjoyed him. But . . . wasn’t that for the best? 

“You look like you swallowed a cherry pit.” Theo grimaced. 

“Something like that.” Leonardo took out a cigarillo and lit it. The smoke made him a little calmer. More able to think. He left the dining room in a little cloud of his own making. 

He was still stewing when he heard the first strains of his compagna’s sweet voice. It drifted in from the front of the manse. She and Comte were speaking her language - Japanese. She was still laughing.

“It’s better this way,” he muttered.

Next: Be Gentle

[megatraven]

What weird pregnancy cravings do you think Astoria MC would have in each LI route and how would they handle middle of the night cravings?

HMMMM well we have a couple canon ones already and i admit i dont know much about what a pregnant person might crave, but i hope this is fine anyways! :)

With Hades, she had a thing for pickles. He says she was putting them in their smoothies for a week straight (poor guy). She was also baking up a storm of, I imagine, very funky tasting items. Some came out fine, I’m sure-  pumpkin chocolate chip, apple oatmeal, raspberry banana crumb muffins. But then you’ve got the chocolate zucchini ones, the bacon-and-orange ones, the white chocolate and spinach ones. (Hades couldn’t look at spinach for an entire week after those batches.)

When it came to midnight cravings, MC always felt bad about waking Hades up when he already attended to her the entire day. She’d try getting out of bed herself, without disturbing him, but he was either always wrapped around her, or she just couldn’t get out of bed quietly enough, even with her aura muffling the sounds. Hades would always get up and hold her closer to him, kiss her on her cheek or forehead or neck, and ask what she wanted. When he gets it out of her (because she does try to resist most of the time, wanting to do it on her own), he goes and grabs whatever she wanted and a glass of water. He stays up with her until she’s fallen back asleep and he’ll rest easier after that.

For Astraeus, she had a thing for junk food. Astraeus makes a few jabs about her eating those weird little pickled fish that she used to hate, but she can’t stop eating them. What tips her off to being pregnant at all is when she reached for a bottle of soda, which she never drinks. Her cravings here are probably a little less weird since it’s more of a pain to go and get ingredients/snacks when you live in Tartarus than it is if she lived on the surface or Olympus. (She can only ask Astraeus, Selene, or Helios to get her a bag of chocolate covered potato chips so many times before she starts feeling bad about it-)

Midnight cravings are easy- Astraeus is so in tune with her and very attentive. She usually doesn’t even have to ask before he’s gone and gotten whatever it is she was craving just then. He’ll gently sit her up and let her eat, and rub soothing circles on her back that drain any tensions leftover from the day. He often takes time after she’s fallen back asleep to watch her and listen to her heart until he’s dragged back under sleep’s embrace as well

For Alex, she bakes just as much as she does in Hades if not more. All her food combos are weird, and honestly she’s just very lucky that Alex will eat just about anything if it’s made by her. They do draw the line, though, when she tries making orange mint chocolate chip cookies. They shudder at just the thought of them. Other than that, she’s simply got a sweet tooth and Alex often brings her a ‘surprise’ slice of cake from a nearby bakery they’re both fond of. (’Surprise’ because it stopped being one when it became a near-daily thing)

MC knows how hard Alex works, so she does her best not to wake them whenever she wakes up in the middle of the night with some odd craving. Sometimes it’s pickle ice cream, which they unfortunately have in their freezer, sometimes it’s pasta with chocolate sauce, and other times it’s something like cereal with whipped cream on top. Whatever it is, she can almost always successfully get out of bed and to the kitchen without disturbing Alex. However, in spite of her carefulness and quiet, Alex always wakes up before she’s finished and comes out to be with her. They might have a bite to eat too, and when they’re both done, they insist on carrying her back to bed, where they snuggle up with each other and fall asleep.

For Hydra, she becomes more obsessed with Hydra’s terrible cup ramen than he himself is. She hates it, too, but god she can’t get enough of it? Hydra thinks it’s hilarious at first because she’s finally seen the light, but it gets to a point where even he thinks it’s too much. That’s when you know it’s bad. At the very least, this is also a time where macarons are plentiful in the apartment. She learns a lot about making them and practically perfects her technique during her pregnancy. She always makes a few normal batches with flavors she knows Hydra likes, but the rest are.... not to be tasted by anyone else. (She makes a batch of cheeto-flavored, cheese-dusted macarons one time and suddenly her macarons are Not allowed to leave the house).

Midnight cravings with Hydra are a little frustrating, if only because every time she tries to get out of bed to get herself something, Hydra stirs and pushes her back down. It’s sweet, but it happens Every Singly Time without fail, and she always feels so bad that he has to get up. But he insists, and he’s incredibly loving as he does it. He teases her a little and she’ll tease back. Sometimes he’ll bring her back a little of her current craving and smirk when she starts eating and say something like, “If you wanted a snack so bad, I was right here.” She’ll try (and fail) to shove him out of the bed, and ends up laughing into his chest. He laughs with her, and gets up one more time to throw away the trash before settling into bet with her again.

For Medusa, she’s a little more tame in terms of food cravings. She still bakes a lot, but it’s more normal stuff than weird. She’ll ask Medusa about any older Greek recipes she can try to make, much to Medusa’s joy. She’ll maybe add a few little twists to a recipe, but nothing too bad, really. The worst she probably gets with Medusa is when she tried to incorporate bacon into her tea cakes which was a disaster, really. (She ate all of them, though. Medusa’s tea didn’t deserve that.)

Medusa is very affectionate when MC gets a midnight craving. Before anything, she’ll sprinkle kisses all over her face, smiling when MC does. She’ll ask if MC wants to get up with her, or if she’d like to stay in bed. Regardless of which she chooses, Medusa gets her the food she’s wanting and will sit down with her after making both of them a cup of tea. MC will rest her head on Medusa, and Medusa will card her fingers through her hair, whispering sweet nothings and ‘i love you’s. She’ll also grab a book she’s been reading to MC and read a few more passages, until MC has fallen back asleep. If theywere in the living room, or garden, or kitchen, Medusa carries her back to bed.

For Cerberus, she can eat all three of the brothers under the table. And that is saying something. Cerberus basically encourages her to try whatever weird food craving she’s having, and he’ll try it too! He’s not particularly picky and he likes pretty much anything she does. He and his brothers are totally on board with her cravings, even when it’s something like peanut butter cheeseburgers topped with ice cream. They went nuts for that.

With Cerb, midnight cravings are a little bumpy because he never knows how much to bring her. He’s always bringing too much and get’s flustered when she says so, but it’s very endearing that he cares so much and wants her satisfied. She shares with him when he’s got too much, of course, and at some point Cerberus says that he’ll miss their midnight snacks when the baby is born. To which she says, they’ll probably still be able to have them anyways since the baby will keep them up. He smiles wide at that. When they finish eating, they lay back down and cuddle against one another. He’ll talk about their future together and how excited he is to meet their little one until they’ve both fallen back asleep

For Chimera, she’s very adventurous with her tastes. Chimera will try anything once, even though half of what she ends up making or wanting is just straight up Bad. His own dishes (that somehow always have hot dogs as an ingredient. How? No one knows) are always right up her alley though, so he does a lot of the cooking when she’s pregnant. She has a particular craving for hot sauce during this time and puts it on everything. Every. Thing. Her cereal? Yep. In her coffee? Yes. Ice cream? Definitely. 

Midnight cravings with Chimera are a little silly, because he’s a silly guy. He’ll wake up when she does,even when she tries to keep quiet. He goes and gets her something to eat but on the way back in, he’ll be flirting up a storm, pretending to be her waiter or the chef himself. It always gets a little laugh out of her, which keeps him smiling, too. She’ll flirt back, or say how cheesy he’s being, and then he’ll crack a joke about cheese. They both go back to sleep with smiles on their faces.

[vestedbeauty]

“What Day Is It?” and Other Questions Inside the Midlife Time Warp

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/what-day-is-it-and-other-questions-inside-the-midlife-time-warp/

“What Day Is It?” and Other Questions Inside the Midlife Time Warp

It never fails. At least once a week during our morning coffee time on the porch, either hubby or I ask, “What day is it?” Sometimes, the answer takes a minute because the time warp blurs them all together.

Of course, it doesn’t help that life got really weird almost a year ago. Or was that just a few months ago?

Doesn’t matter.

Welcome to Blursday. While people of all ages report a sense of all the days blending together, it’s worse if you’re over 40 and you’ve entered the time warp of middle age.

If you’re over 40, you know what comes at the end of this bit of lyrics:

Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’

Into the future

Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’

Into the future

[Let’s hear it, “doo doo doo doo-doo”]

Where Did the Time Go?

Remember how, as a kid, time seemed to crawl. You’d go to bed after a special day like your birthday or Christmas and think about how long it would be until that day rolled around again. It took for-evvvvv-er. Summer break even felt long, though I now realize it was only about ten weeks. And looking at the future, it seemed like eons before we’d be grown-ups.

And then, suddenly, we were.

I don’t know exactly when someone pressed the fast-forward button, but now it feels like time is speeding up exponentially with every year.

My grandfather, who lived to 98 and only died after complications from breaking a hip while trying to kill a HUGE bug that got into his apartment (someone actually framed that bug – weird!), used to say…

The days are slow, but the decades are fast.

It’s Math, Yo

Here’s one explanation for this time warp phenomenon:

When we’re young, each day represents a significant portion of our entire lifetime. For a ten-year-old, each year is a whole tenth of their lifetime so far. That’s pretty significant.

But when you’ve been around 19,466 days, like I have, not all of those 2,780 weeks or nearly 640 months sticks out. They begin to blend or blur. 

That’s probably a good thing. Can you imagine how exhausting it would be if we consciously remembered everything that happened on every day we’ve lived? There’s a name for that – hyperthymesia, or highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM).

Would you want to be able to remember every detail of every day from infancy onward? 

Ever wondered why you probably don’t have any memories from when you were younger than 4-5 years old? That’s called infantile amnesia, and it’s perfectly normal. 

But it’s not complete amnesia. During that phase, we learn to walk, talk, feed ourselves, use the potty, pet dogs, and hundreds of other skills. We remember what we learned. But we don’t remember what we said and did, or how we spent all those childhood hours. Also, that amnesia seems to take a while to hit. If you talk with a three-year-old and ask what they did yesterday, they can tell you. Memory is weird, right? 

Time Flies When You’re Having Fun

Everyone’s had that sensation of time dragging. I remember sitting in Mr. Spack’s (yup, really) seventh-grade math class feeling overwhelmed by times tables. We’d drill and drill and then test. It was stressful and for the first time in school, I felt stupid. 

I remember watching the clock on the wall, willing it to go faster so I could go to Language Arts class instead, somewhere I felt competent. But I swear to you… that clock moved backwards sometimes!

If you’ve ever had a boring job, you know the feeling. Early in my working days, I figured out that it was much, much better to be too busy than not busy enough. 

But on the other end of the spectrum, when you’re having fun, doesn’t it feel like a time warp? You look at your phone or watch at some point and do a double-take. How could it possibly be that hours and hours have passed already?

The Creator Time Warp Is Even Freakier

I write for a living. Hubby builds custom Volkswagens. We both own businesses, and people often ask how it works out for two entrepreneurial types to be married. (It actually works really well because entrepreneurs are kind of… weird. Our weirdness goes together nicely, cheering each other’s wins and supporting each other when we have setbacks.)

The stranger thing is the time warp that happens when either or both of us is in the zone. Even more, in the groove inside the zone.

In the zone, creating is easy and pleasurable. In the groove inside the zone, it’s like the creation plops, fully formed, into reality. Yeah, I know it’s weird. 

I first noticed this happening in freshman year of college during Expository Writing class. The professor would drop a stack of bluebooks on a desk in the front row for us. Then he’d give us 45 minutes to write whatever type of essay we’d just studied. 

I’d spend the first few minutes with my eyes looking up and to the left. Suddenly, the whole essay outline seemed to download into my brain. Then, it was just a matter of transcribing the words quickly enough that they didn’t evaporate. It worked well, and my grades reflected it… though it felt so easy to write that I thought everyone had the same experience!

It’s the same now.

I do all I can to get into the groove inside the zone. Once in, creation feels… inevitable. The time whizzes by and when I come up for air, it’s often shocking to discover how much time has passed.

The Sorrowful Sound of the Ticking Clock 

Time perception changed for me sometime after turning 50. I’d been aware of the sense of it all speeding up years before. But it’s like that milestone birthday sent the clock into overdrive. 

When I’m with my adult kids, it’s obvious that they’re all grown up. But I catch flashes of them as babies and little children, and my heart melts. What I’d give to hold each of them in my arms, rocking them in the middle of the night or singing silly songs to them. 

Those moments feel simultaneously like yesterday and a million lifetimes ago. 

I think of my grandparents, whom I knew, and my great-grandparents who lived mostly in stories I’d heard. Though their lives stretched from the 1800’s through the 2010’s, it feels like the entirety of their time here was over in the blink of an eye. Then, thinking of the generations that came before them… well, it’s mind-boggling to consider how many stories evaporated into dust as the years passed.

I look at the people I work with, and while there are a couple in their forties, most are in their twenties and thirties. Doing the math, they could easily be my children. Reflecting on past jobs, I remember that I was always the youngest one in the office. Many of my favorite coworkers got old and died – a few of them not much older than I am now. I wonder, all those years ago, did they wonder whether they’d have a memorable impact on me? Did they have any idea that decades later, I’d remember them so fondly? Will young people I’ve worked with over the years remember me? It’s weird to think about.

But The Time Warp Isn’t All Bad

It’s not all wistful thinking. There are times the time warp is a wonderful thing. 

Anytime I’m feeling impatient, eagerly awaiting some special day, I can relax a bit. 

For example, hubby and I are planning to go to England and Scotland this summer. (It’s a re-do from 2020’s planned trip.) As a kid, I would have counted the days, impatiently x’ing each one off on a calendar that never seemed to flip its pages. Now, as eager and excited as I am (and I REALLY am!), it’s different.

Now, anticipation is a huge part of the enjoyment. I’ll take tremendous pleasure in planning where we’ll stay, which trains we’ll take, and which roads we’ll meander on the NC500 route. I know our departure date will be here before we know it. And I know that on our return flight, it’ll feel like the whole trip whooshed by.

Knowing this is now how my brain processes time helps me be more present rather than wishing it away.

Maybe That’s the Whole Point

When we’re little, there’s so much life ahead for us. When we walk around on tiny feet, it’s impossible for our minds to even imagine what will become of us. There’s so much that’s new, so much we learn from scratch, that it takes time to absorb it all. Once we finish it, we forget we ever went through that learning curve.

And once we’re older, we become more of what we always were. Sometimes, that means working on ourselves to carve out the bits that were never meant to stick and twist us. It’s enormously helpful to be able to recall the old days – and often our memories are like treasures we can look at anytime we want. We’ve been around long enough to realize that good times or bad, the clock still keeps ticking. For better or worse, nothing lasts forever.

Perhaps that sense of our days becoming precious is the best gift of all in midlife. None of us knows how many days we still have. But we have today. 

[junker-town]

30 college football rivalries as Thanksgiving food items

Let’s come together and enjoy a weekend of annual traditions ... and some weird stuff that no one will take the blame for.

Thanksgiving is the best holiday on the calendar. I’m not really here for any contrary opinions. Christmas doesn’t have college football, and New Year’s doesn’t have the food. My family isn’t weird, so we don’t give out presents on Easter, and the Fourth of July is already a summer day to begin with, so it can only get so much better due to holiday status.

Thanksgiving is also college football’s best holiday, with many teams’ major rivalries happening all weekend long. Thanksgiving dinner and many of the sport’s annual fixtures go hand-in-hand. Dinner is a sport, so let’s compare dinner to sports.

Cranberry sauce: Florida-Florida State

Florida will always try to hard to be the ivory tower and regard FSU as the lowly CRIMINOLES. It’s just like your silly can vs. fresh cranberry sauce debate. At the end of the day, it’s still weird looking, purply-red goo that you’ll have had more than enough of after one serving.

We’re all still Florida men and women. Gators wear jean shorts and bark at police dogs. Noles steal shoes and look like this guy.

I dub thee: Fail Earnhardt http://pic.twitter.com/a5PnftJunw

— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) September 6, 2016

Green bean casserole: Egg Bowl

It’s the blend of something that tries so hard to be sophisticated (casser-Ole Miss) and something that’s shamelessly straight country (a bunch of green beans: Starkville, Miss.).

Your uncle's politics rant: Kentucky-Louisville

Guaranteed to reek of bourbon and have physical confrontations before it even begins.

Corn: Nebraska-Iowa

Obviously.

Photo by Eric Francis/Getty Images

Pumpkin pie: Illinois-Northwestern

It’s like someone did this to our wonderful sport by putting it on the schedule:

a special place in hell wouldn't be enough for you http://pic.twitter.com/VzgtaexYqB

— artificialdeath.flac (@hyped_resonance) November 23, 2016

Fruitcake: Tennessee-Vanderbilt

Nobody understands why it’s being served or how it’s managed to stay part of the Thanksgiving meal for as long as it has. Its meaning is questionable, and you don’t know anyone who thinks about it the other 364 days of the year.

Stuffing from inside the bird: Clemson-South Carolina

Occasionally great, usually not as good as it should be, and sometimes, you get food poisoning. Tajh Boyd demonstrates:

Being seated next to a cousin you haven’t really spoken to for years: Arkansas-Missouri

You lived near each other for years without intentionally spending any time together. There was probably a reason.

Pizza: Indiana-Purdue

There’s a pizza place in my hometown that puts yard signs out advertising that it delivers on Thanksgiving. Nothing could be more soul-sucking than crummy pizza on this holiday, unless your rivalry trophy is this:

I'm the Old Oaken Bucket, and I'm a Hoosier!!! http://pic.twitter.com/55unvjeust

— Homegrown Hoosier (@HomegrownHoos) November 29, 2014

Ham: NC State-North Carolina

Good, but we’d much rather have it in March.

Mashed potatoes: Minnesota-Wisconsin

Always decent, heavy, and loaded with dairy products.

Cornbread: Virginia Tech-Virginia

A little bit country and a little bit cake.

Mystery meat: Oregon-Oregon State

Here, I passed @SBNationCFB 's photo through a "can color blind people distinguish these" filter. I think. http://pic.twitter.com/ebZoJ65HBf

— GeauxDucks (@GeauxDucks) November 30, 2013

Gravy: Georgia-Georgia Tech

It thinks it can carry the day by itself, and you’d miss it if it didn’t happen, but it's not the feature.

Collard greens: Grambling State-Southern

If you don’t get this, I can’t really do anything to help you.

Turkey Bowl: Arizona State-Arizona

A just-for-fun game of football that rarely matters to anybody outside the family, though somebody will hold a grudge for decades.

The spouse who’s new blood at the family dinner and trying too hard to fit in: UCF-USF

The War on I-4 just got real...we earn points every time we beat USF in a sport Points are be updated each game ➡️ https://t.co/RdfKKAKMnE http://pic.twitter.com/t6C0XSemWo

— UCF Party Tutor (@UCF_PartyTutor) September 21, 2016

Whatever kind of pie your family only has once a year: Apple Cup

We expect Washington-Washington State to be really good this year, but even when it’s bad and both teams only have one win between them coming into the game, it’s still dessert.

Whatever it is your family used to make but doesn’t anymore because of the divorce: Texas-Texas A&M

Man, it would just be so much better if mom and dad would have just sorted their differences out, maybe gone to counseling, and just stayed together.

The fine dish your new step parent makes as a replacement, but nothing remotely like the original: LSU-Texas A&M and Whoever-Texas

I mean, sure. It’s still stuffing (which happens to be my favorite thanksgiving side dish), but Linda makes stuffing with mild sausage instead of spicy, so there’s no way in hell you’re ever calling her “Mom.”

Roasted turkey: Michigan-Ohio State

A cornerstone of the entire experience, whether it needs to be or not.

Your dad tells you about Woody and Bo and how it was awesome back in the day. He’s talking about those super awesome games of yesteryear that never had both teams eclipse the 20-point margin in the same game. This game is turkey, but it’s not exactly seasoned.

Bird just went in! Family and friends in route. It is going to be a great day! http://pic.twitter.com/cxYWTEdBfP

— Tom Rodgers (@TomRodgersNews) November 26, 2015

Exploding fried turkey: Iron Bowl

You can be as careful and as calculating as Nick Saban is. You can plan it all out to a T to get your lovely, gloriously juicy, and succulent fried turkey for all to enjoy.

Or you put one second on the clock and hastily try to thaw the game instead of going to overtime, and the whole thing might just explode.

The Reservoir Fire Department helped us demonstrate the wrong way to deep-fry your #Thanksgiving turkey (HINT: Thaw that bird out first!) http://pic.twitter.com/n95oaMmjGe

— The Clarion-Ledger (@clarionledger) November 21, 2016

Turkey sandwich: Army-Navy

One of the greatest traditions of them all, and it doesn’t happen until days later.

And a few that aren’t on Thanksgiving weekend this time around:

Mac and cheese: Notre Dame-USC

Your grandparents love it. Everybody's fine with it, and it’s sometimes an absolute classic, but BOY is it easy to screw up if it takes itself too seriously.

Greet Thanksgiving guests with this grown-up version of mac and cheese https://t.co/XpzrqVROI0 http://pic.twitter.com/fGzMJiriJ1

— The New York Times (@nytimes) November 23, 2016

Sparkling apple cider: Utah State-BYU

Non-alcoholic, but fine.

Brussels sprouts: Kansas-Kansas State

I needed to illustrate this game with the plainest food imaginable.

Salad: Boston College-Wake Forest

No one wants it. Go away.

Your aunt’s story that just will not end: Texas Tech-Baylor

Guaranteed to last entirely too long. But it’s tough to pull away from, because there are interesting parts around the 4.5-hour mark. You just have to settle in for the duration.

The last bite: West Virginia-Iowa State

Toward the end, weird things run together on your plate. No one would ever intentionally eat creamed corn with cranberry in it, but Thanksgiving produces strange mixtures sometimes.

Tofu turkey: Rutgers-Maryland

No one will even look at this.

Standing in the TSA line with a food coma in order to fly home after the holiday: Penn State-Michigan State.

Nothing happens, and it still feels like it takes forever.

This is a contrived way to get this commercial from Saban’s days as Spartans head coach in here.

[junker-town]

30 college football rivalries as Thanksgiving food items

Let’s come together and enjoy a weekend of annual traditions ... and some weird stuff that no one will take the blame for.

Thanksgiving is the best holiday on the calendar. I’m not really here for any contrary opinions. Christmas doesn’t have college football and New Year’s doesn’t have the food. My family isn’t weird, so we don’t give out presents on Easter, and the Fourth of July is already a summer day to begin with, so it can only get so much better due to holiday status.

Thanksgiving is also college football’s best holiday, with many teams’ major rivalries happening all weekend long. Thanksgiving dinner and many of the sport’s annual fixtures go hand-in-hand. Dinner is a sport, so let’s compare dinner to sports.

Cranberry sauce: Florida-Florida State

Florida will always try to hard to be the ivory tower and regard FSU as the lowly CRIMINOLES. It’s just like your silly can vs. fresh cranberry sauce debate. At the end of the day, it’s still weird looking, purply-red goo that you’ll have had more than enough of after one serving.

We’re all still Florida men and women. Gators wear jean shorts and bark at police dogs. Noles steal shoes and look like this guy.

I dub thee: Fail Earnhardt http://pic.twitter.com/a5PnftJunw

— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) September 6, 2016

Green bean casserole: Egg Bowl

It’s the blend of something that tries so hard to be sophisticated (casser-Ole Miss) and something that’s shamelessly straight country (a bunch of green beans: Starkville, Miss.).

Your uncle's politics rant: Kentucky-Louisville

Guaranteed to reek of bourbon and have physical confrontations before it even begins.

Corn: Nebraska-Iowa

Obviously.

Photo by Eric Francis/Getty Images

Pumpkin pie: Illinois-Northwestern

It’s like someone did this to our wonderful sport by putting this on the schedule.

a special place in hell wouldn't be enough for you http://pic.twitter.com/VzgtaexYqB

— artificialdeath.flac (@hyped_resonance) November 23, 2016

Brussels sprouts: Kansas-Kansas State

I needed to illustrate this game with the plainest food imaginable.

Fruitcake: Tennessee-Vanderbilt

Nobody understands why it’s being served or how it’s managed to stay part of the Thanksgiving meal for as long as it has. Its meaning is questionable, and you don’t know anyone who thinks about it the other 364 days of the year.

Tofu turkey: Rutgers-Maryland

No one will even look at this.

Stuffing from inside the bird: Clemson-South Carolina

Occasionally great, usually not as good as it should be, and sometimes, you get food poisoning. Tajh Boyd demonstrates:

Your aunt’s story that just will not end: Texas Tech-Baylor

Guaranteed to last entirely too long. But it’s tough to pull away from, because there are interesting parts around the 4.5-hour mark. You just have to settle in for the duration.

Being seated next to a cousin you haven’t really spoken to for years: Arkansas-Missouri

You lived near each other for years without intentionally spending any time together. There was probably a reason.

Pizza: Indiana-Purdue

There’s a pizza place in my hometown that puts yard signs out advertising that it delivers on Thanksgiving. Nothing could be more soul-sucking than crummy pizza on this holiday, unless your rivalry trophy is this:

I'm the Old Oaken Bucket, and I'm a Hoosier!!! http://pic.twitter.com/55unvjeust

— Homegrown Hoosier (@HomegrownHoos) November 29, 2014

Sparkling apple cider: Utah State-BYU

Non-alcoholic, but fine.

Ham: NC State-North Carolina

Good, but we’d much rather have it in March.

Mac and cheese: Notre Dame-USC

Your grandparents love it. Everybody's fine with it, and it’s sometimes an absolute classic, but BOY is it easy to screw up if it takes itself too seriously.

Greet Thanksgiving guests with this grown-up version of mac and cheese https://t.co/XpzrqVROI0 http://pic.twitter.com/fGzMJiriJ1

— The New York Times (@nytimes) November 23, 2016

Salad: Boston College-Wake Forest

No one wants it. Go away.

Mashed potatoes: Minnesota-Wisconsin

Always decent, heavy, and loaded with dairy products.

Cornbread: Virginia Tech-Virginia

A little bit country and a little bit cake.

Mystery meat: Oregon-Oregon State

Here, I passed @SBNationCFB 's photo through a "can color blind people distinguish these" filter. I think. http://pic.twitter.com/ebZoJ65HBf

— GeauxDucks (@GeauxDucks) November 30, 2013

Gravy: Georgia-Georgia Tech

It thinks it can carry the day by itself, and you’d miss it if it didn’t happen, but it's not the feature.

Collard greens: Grambling State-Southern

If you don’t get this, I can’t really do anything to help you.

Turkey Bowl: Arizona State-Arizona

A just-for-fun game of football that rarely matters to anybody outside the family, though somebody will hold a grudge for decades.

The spouse who’s new blood at the family dinner and trying too hard to fit in: UCF-USF

The War on I-4 just got real...we earn points every time we beat USF in a sport Points are be updated each game ➡️ https://t.co/RdfKKAKMnE http://pic.twitter.com/t6C0XSemWo

— UCF Party Tutor (@UCF_PartyTutor) September 21, 2016

Whatever kind of pie your family only has once a year: Apple Cup

We expect Washington-Washington State to be really good this year, but even when it’s bad and both teams only have one win between them coming into the game, it’s still dessert.

Whatever it is your family used to make but doesn’t anymore because of the divorce: Texas-Texas A&M

Man, it would just be so much better if mom and dad would have just sorted their differences out, maybe gone to counseling, and just stayed together.

The fine dish your new stepparent makes as a replacement, but nothing remotely like the original: LSU-Texas A&M and TCU-Texas

I mean, sure. It’s still stuffing (which happens to be my favorite thanksgiving side dish), but Linda makes stuffing with mild sausage instead of spicy, so there’s no way in hell you’re ever calling her “Mom.”

Roasted turkey: Michigan-Ohio State

A cornerstone of the entire experience, whether it needs to be or not.

Your dad tells you about Woody and Bo and how it was awesome back in the day. He’s talking about those super awesome games of yesteryear that never had both teams eclipse the 20-point margin in the same game. This game is turkey, but it’s not exactly seasoned.

Bird just went in! Family and friends in route. It is going to be a great day! http://pic.twitter.com/cxYWTEdBfP

— Tom Rodgers (@TomRodgersNews) November 26, 2015

Exploding fried turkey: Iron Bowl

You can be as careful and as calculating as Nick Saban is. You can plan it all out to a T to get your lovely, gloriously juicy, and succulent fried turkey for all to enjoy.

Or you put one second on the clock and hastily try to thaw the game instead of going to overtime, and the whole thing might just explode.

The Reservoir Fire Department helped us demonstrate the wrong way to deep-fry your #Thanksgiving turkey (HINT: Thaw that bird out first!) http://pic.twitter.com/n95oaMmjGe

— The Clarion-Ledger (@clarionledger) November 21, 2016

The last bite: West Virginia-Iowa State

Toward the end, weird things run together on your plate. No one would ever intentionally eat creamed corn with cranberry in it, but Thanksgiving produces strange mixtures sometimes.

Standing in the TSA line with a food coma in order to fly home after the holiday: Penn State-Michigan State.

Nothing happens, and it still feels like it takes forever.

This is a contrived way to get this commercial from Saban’s days as Spartans head coach in here.

Turkey sandwich: Army-Navy

One of the greatest traditions of them all, and it doesn’t happen until days later.