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5hinee4ever · 1 year ago

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Hi guys, it’s me again.

I’m the person who made the “if you don’t support this respect Taemin thing you don’t care about Jonghyun” post last week.

I’ve since deleted the post because I thought it was really harsh and unnecessary and I was using words to get people to see my point, but I was angry.

What I wanted people to take away from that post is that Jonghyun would want us to challenge the K-pop industry and not be complacent with it, and saying “Taemin won’t be promoted because that’s just how the industry is” is complacency, and that if Jonghyun was here he would likely vouch for Taemin to get his year end stage, although I don’t know if the outcome would be any different. Guilty may not even exist. Things would be different if he was here but he isn’t.

It’s more about the fact that some non-Shawols took what happened and made it tragedy p0rn which is 100% not ok. However I see a lot of Shawols in defense to this spreading toxic positivity and almost shutting down people when they say they miss him or whatever, and most people only want to focus on cute and funny moments or his talent and not difficult topics.

We KNOW Taemin has struggles with anxiety and depression whether or not he wants to tell us this. The Taemin hashtags came out a day after I saw Holland’s post about wanting to leave the industry and I was just thinking about how closed-minded, homophobic, and static it is. I don’t know whether or not Taemin is queer himself, but he is definitely the target of some anti-queer ideologies because of how he dresses and presents.

I also genuinely believe that SM doesn’t promote his more “challenging” comebacks like “Guilty” because they don’t want to own up to their own mistakes in how they they failed to protect their young idols from harassment. There are many variety show clips of an underage Taemin being jokingly flirted with or hit on by older men and Jonghyun was the only one who seemed to try to do something. I am NOT saying the others didn’t care, I’m sure they were in an awkward position and didn’t know what to say. Key was laughing awkwardly in some of the clips I don’t think he found it funny, he was just trying to ease social tension or it was a nervous laugh. But I guess my point is a lot of people would be afraid to say something to put their careers at risk but Jonghyun gave the guy a warning.

I guess my point was that that we shouldn’t only remember Jonghyun as an amazing singer and artist and a sweet and funny person but also an activist, and one of the only people in the industry at the time to talk about mental health, LGBTQ, and women’s’ issues. But in addition to all that he was also Taemin’s biggest fan and would 100 vouch for him to have better opportunities in a case like this. I felt that saying Taemin won’t get promoted on these shows and we shouldn’t trend hashtags was disrespectful to both Taemin and Jonghyun.

But saying that “you don’t care about Jonghyun” is wrong. Some of you don’t, some of you who aren’t Shawols and don’t get it, and some of you who claim to be Shawols but miss the damn point all the time, or they only care about keeping an image intact. But I can’t say that everyone who disagrees with my way of helping Taemin is unsupportive or doesn’t care. I know hashtags and screaming into the void can come off as pointless or stupid. But I am autistic and have a very strong internal sense of justice, and I got angry and tried to keep spreading the tags to try to help. It didn’t matter because at that point all shows were scheduled. I also feel so helpless in the general state of the world, going on with my life when people are killed in wars and famine and how society feels like it is crumbling. I took hold of something I thought I could have some sway over and did it.

I want to make a formal apology to anyone I hurt with my words. There is no excuse for saying what I said, even if it may apply to some people, it may also reach others who were hurt.

Taemin just posted on Bubble that Yeonjun “relieved him of his sorrow” according to Google Translate, and someone in my group chat translated it to say basically that Yeonjun fulfilled his desire. So I think we can say Taemin is satisfied with Yeonjun’s performance despite him still probably preferring to do it himself. As a Moa, SHINee and TXT have a lot of mutual respect for each other and this is not the first time I’ve seen our fandoms going head to head, like with the light stick thing back in 2020, which was quite frankly stupid. I’m sure Taemin would have preferred to perform himself but he seems satisfied with Yeonjun’s performance and what’s done is done.

I now want to ask you to PLEASE not harass Yeonjun or Kiss of Life for the performance. If you want to get angry at anyone, you can get angry at SM or Golden Disc, but my “conspiracy” about his promotions isn’t even confirmed. It could be a simple business thing where they got fourth gen idols to get more views. The ship on this has sailed, and I’m seeing people still pissed and trying to trend the hashtags.

You should want him to get better promos and you should want the industry to face some of its glaring issues, like debuting such young minors, which Taemin addressed his own experience in Guilty…SM doesn’t want to talk about Taemin or Krystal or Sulli and the fact that Min Hee Jin is still in the industry says a LOT, it’s not only an SM problem but industry-wide.

But this particular issue is over, and we don’t need to discuss it anymore and start fights about it, since Taemin himself said he was satisfied with Yeonjun’s performance.

I want to add one additional note to the people who said that we were infantilize Taemin or treating him as helpless with these hashtags. I respectfully disagree, and believe that Taemin has and will continue to achieve a lot on his own, but having a strong support network is good for adults too, and fans should help artists achieve their goals especially when they are subverting industry norms. Adults also need strong support networks for their mental health, and I’m sure Jonghyun would vouch for that as well, but that doesn’t excuse my wording. All I wanted to do was be a supportive fan but I ended up attacking others. I feel like I need to apologize to Jonghyun too for using him like this.

So my main takeaways are:

1) we should remember ALL aspects of Jonghyun’s life and not ignore his activism or his support of Taemin and we should honor his memory by supporting positive change in the industry and

2) this specific Taemin issue is over, and harassing others over it who disagree with you is not okay, as well as harassing the idols who did the cover.

I just want to say that I will still have the petition for a world tour in my pinned post, and I want to get as many signatures as possible to show Taemin how much support he has and hopefully have it get back to SM as well for them to see the demand. This is one constructive thing we can do for the future. Also I don’t usually say this, but stream stream stream. I don’t support streaming culture on the whole, but Guilty MV really needs it and the song is so good I’m playing it on repeat anyway.

Again, I’m sorry if I hurt anyone, and I thank you for your patience.

-Riah

#jonghyun #lee taemin #shinee #taemin #sm respect taemin #give taemin a world tour #taemin shinee #kim jonghyun #apology #clarification #respect taemin #guilty year end stage

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oliviermiraarmstrongs · 3 years ago

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mid-year book freak out tag

thank you @bloody-wonder for giving me an excuse to share my book thoughts!

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2021?

It’s gotta be The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood; I hear “feminist period novel about mentally ill woman unable to cope in upper-class society” and I am THERE! It’s like [Stefon voice] This book has EVERYTHING: repressed women, a decaying old house, a complex relationship of two sisters, a pulpy sci-fi story-within-a-story-within-a-story, criticism of capitalism and reactionary attitudes and politics, commentary on how conservative society shuns those it perceives to be “other” and a threat to the social order (poor people, socialists, “unconventional” women). It is EXTREMELY my shit.

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2021?

The only one I've read is Siege and Storm, so Siege and Storm! Shadow and Bone was captivating, if a little simplistic, but the sequel really fleshes out the characters, setting, and themes. It’s great to see Alina take a more active role, and I love the exploration of sainthood.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To?

I’m really curious about Michelle Zauner’s memoir Crying in H Mart. Same with Axiom’s End, which I haven’t really been seeking out, but it’s been resting on my list since I like a lot of Lindsay Ellis’ stuff.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2021?

5. Biggest Disappointment?

The Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood. I’ve been getting into Atwood, and I have a soft spot for female-centric retellings of myths, so this was on my list for a long time. It’s not bad; it’s decent as a character study and offers some good perspective on the hanged slave women from The Odyssey, but overall it came off as...bitter? And not in a good way. It’s reasonable to include commentary on how bad things were for women in ancient times, but after a while I’m just like “But there had to be a time when Penelope was happy, right?” But the biggest failing has to be the treatment of Helen. Why a story focused on bringing literary justice to silenced women also characterizes Helen of Troy as a manipulative, arrogant bitch who single-handedly ignited the Trojan War because she enjoys fucking people over, I’ll never know. Ironic that in the opening chapter, Penelope bemoans being used as a yardstick with which to judge other women, and then the book proceeds to do exactly that with her and Helen. Can’t let Penelope have a positive relationship with another woman! There could be some form of unreliable narrator at play, but there’s not much indication that that’s the case here. Even Homer had a more nuanced portrayal of Helen than this!

6. Biggest Surprise?

I suppose The Red Tent. I picked it up at a Goodwill because of my aforementioned interest in female-centric retellings. It’s not amazing, but I wasn’t really expecting it to emotionally affect me like it did. You spend so much time setting up Dinah’s family and this supportive community of woman within a patriarchal society, only to have Dinah abandon it all after getting betrayed by her father and (most of) her brothers. Hearing about how her family fell apart after she left and she never got to see her mothers again really gets to me. The book has flaws for sure - neither of Dinah’s romances are developed very well, and some of its themes can come off as gender essentialist - but I think it’s a nice exploration of female labor and traditions that too often get ignored.

7. Favorite New Author?

The only relatively new author I’ve been reading is Leigh Bardugo, soooooo... honestly I don’t know what I can say that hasn’t already been said, I got into the series pretty late. Great world-building, witty dialogue, a familiar type of story with enough interesting ideas to make it feel fresh. Check out Shadow and Bone if you get the chance. Sound of the summer.

8. Newest Fictional Crush?

You would think it would be Nikolai Lantsov since I just finished reading Siege and Storm and he seems to be the fan favorite... but nah, not yet. He’s fun, but he doesn’t hit me in that way (Though very sexy of him to just casually proposition Alina and Mal for a royal polycule, a la Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot; would love an AU where they accept his offer). However, I would let Zoya murder me. Every time Zoya is not in a scene I am asking “Where’s Zoya?” Also shout out to Alina, just because I would treat her better than all the men in her life!

9. Newest Favorite Character?

Gonna try to do this without spoiling too much, but Laura Chase in The Blind Assassin really resonated with me. Her personality reminds me a lot of myself, especially as an an autistic person, like the way she has her own way of thinking that makes perfect sense to her, but makes other people see her as odd and naive. I love how she’s set up in-universe as this Sylvia Plath-esque tragic heroine, with Iris spending the rest of the book interrogating and deconstructing, and in a way, reconstructing this image of her. Atwood you’re insane for this. I forgive you for the Helen thing now.

10. Book That Made You Cry?

I never got as far as crying, but the part in The Goldfinch where [spoilers incoming] the art heist goes wrong and Theo is alone in the hotel room and he’s spiraling and considering suicide and finally dreams of his mom… all that was too much for me and I had to put the book down for the night. This guy just can’t catch a fucking break.

11. Book That Made You Happy?

fucidjdjdj I didn’t read any happy books this year. Shadow and Bone and Siege and Storm because I read them really fast unlike my usual months-long reading schedule.

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw?

Predictably, Shadow and Bone. I basically bought and read the book less than a week before the show came out because I thought it looked interesting and wanted in on the hype (mostly because Jessie is cute 🥰). Honestly, the show improves a lot on the first book; the multiple storylines make it more dynamic and complex, the actors really help to make the characters feel more fleshed out, and Alina and Inej interacted for like three scenes, introducing an unexpected but thematically rich ship.

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year?

14. Most Beautiful Book You’ve Bought So Far This Year?

I impulse-bought this book of Romantic poetry at Barnes and Noble just because it was pretty and I had a gift card

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End Of The Year?

Besides finishing The Grisha Trilogy/Six of Crows duology/Zoya’s duology that I forgot the name of….I don’t know. I’m not a reader that plans in advance. I acquire books, finish whatever I’m currently reading, look through my stacks deciding what to read next, spend an hour doing so because I can’t decide if I’m in the mood for any of them, and either force myself to read one or buy/borrow a new one.

I’m tagging @betweenironyandsilver, @illuminaticns, @borispavlikovskys, @chdarling, @sctine, @mightyaubs, @excuseforadrink, and @trckstergods, if you wanna! Or anyone who wants to yell about books.

#sophia says shit #tagged as me #sorry for taking so long I write slow and am on vacation #but thank you! I don’t get many excuses to talk about books!

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saintheartwing · 4 years ago

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I've decided to put this up for reference and to help not only myself remember who's who, but clear a few things up for you, dear reader. All part of my “Breaking Dawn” Invader Zim story! From left to right, starting at the top...

DIB Occupation: Student Power: Willpower Further Notes: Dilbert Membrane, little "Dibbun". He's both antagonist and protagonist like Zim in the television series "Invader Zim", and grew up with both a strong interest in the paranormal and the strange, and with a deep desire to protect the people of Earth. Even as a toddler he seemed to have a calling within him to protect the planet and those within it. He is capable of overcoming great fear, and with his strong resolution and imagination, he makes for an excellent green lantern. This brave-hearted youth grew up on "IZ-Prime", the "Base" planet of the Invader Zim youth, the Earth where all other Invader Zim universes are born from. His primary job is usually keeping Zim from experimenting on other people or unleashing some highly strange, oddly stupid and yet fiendishly clever doomsday weapon on the populace. Eventually Dib hit on an idea: Zim had managed to make himself a "friend" in Keef, who had done everything with him...and where was Batman without a Robin? He took in a charge, and recruited that slightly slow, but friendly and impressionable kid Nick whom Zim had stuck a probe in some time back. The two became an excellent team for a time until "The Incident" in which Zim crossed the line...and did something to Nick Dib would never forget...and possibly never forgive. Eventually the years went on and Zim slightly mellowed out, meaning that Dib could relax somewhat...until, that is, all of reality began to fall apart... GAZ Occupation: Student Power: Rage Further Notes: Gazeline Membrane blamed almost everybody when her mother Peggy died in a tragic lab accident. All of it was unfair blame, but she didn't care. She shut herself up in selfish desires and caprice, her rage slowly boiling underneath her like a volcano set to blow at the slightest notice. Interestingly, she began to warm up to Zim. The two had a surprising amount of things in common...the two even went to the dance together. She admits in private he "cleaned up alright". She was blushing heavily as she said this. She didn't, however, approve of what Zim did to Nick, because whilst she doesn't mind the exploitation of the stupid, the outright abuse he leveled was horrifying even to her. She tried to be nice to Nick in the hospital, giving him something of a crush on her. Being a being of revenge, private loss and fury, it's not surprising she bonded with the power of Rage, which had, at one point, been the might of Passion. Heck, she's ALL passion! ZIM Occupation: "Invader", Service Drone/Student Power: Avarice Further Notes: Zerinim, Zimmy-Wimmy, Zimri, etc, etc. You all know him. He's that short, tiny little thing who's determined to take over and/or destroy the Earth. You have to give him points for persistence, he keeps a-tryin', but his level of commitment and competence is "Team Rocket" level. Since he was little, he's been pretty much destroying everything he touches, but this isn't totally his fault. His PAK is defective, his mental processes aren't right. He's slow in some areas of development, but very bright in others, similar to that of an autistic child...obsessive and slightly anti-social behavior included. He's also never admit his deep concern for his beloved companions, mostly because he desperately clings to the inane idea that an Invader needs no one, even though he often relies on others for the "final touch" in his plan. The "incident" that happened with Nick actually struck him with so much guilt...it almost struck as hard as Dib did with that lead pipe after he snuck inside Zim's house and put Zim in a body cast for half a year. Zim's plans became less lethal and more annoying, and he began to appreciate his "friends" a bit more. He views Dib as something of an equal, and in a way, perhaps...more than that. And then...there's Gaz... GIR Occupation: Robot Power: Fear Further Notes: GIR. He's a GARBAGE-INFESTED-ROBOT! Useless as far as most robotic companions go because he's not usually taking things seriously, his head always in the clouds. And the few times he DOES focus don't last long at all. However, with the power of "Fear" flowing through him, the potential to inspire terror and impose HIS kind of order on the world brings out the dark, foul and pitiless cruelty he holds within. GIR has the potential to be even worse than Zim, and the ring focuses his inner psychopathic tendencies. GIR is very childlike...he doesn't always 'get' what he's supposed to do, or understand why things are the way they are. Yet he is also more intelligent and wise than people give him credit for, having access to fundamental truths about the universe he lives in. He understands what kind of world he's in, and has accepted that, and his role as the on-again off-again goofy sociopath. If your really are worried about him, give him something shiny. Or a lollipop. SKOODGE Occupation: Invader Power: Hope Further Notes: Invader Skoodge. No matter what terrible things happened in his life, he's always faced the future. He's remained cheery, helpful, friendly and optimistic, and therefore, it befits him to wear the robes of the Blue, wielder of the light that Hope brings. Skoodge and Zim go way back, and Skoodge considers Zim a dear friend, one of the few people who didn't treat him like a fat, useless lump. As such, he's willing to do almost anything for him, or anybody who treats him with respect and decency. He treats the revelation about the world he lives in with stoic acceptance, and doesn't raise a stink about it. Skoodge is too cool for school, baby. NOTHIN' rattles him. Plus I like this outfit the most. It's so stylish! GRETCHEN Occupation: Student Power: Love Further Notes: Gretchen has always had a huuuuge crush on Dib, admiring him and his work from afar. She eventually figured out the truth about Zim, which helped make Dib open up to her, but nobody really listened to HER either. Mostly because her braces weren't fixed yet...kids can be so cruel. But when wielding the light of Love, she's able to bring out her strongest potential, and become the brave defender that she always was inside, the sort of take-charge, admirable alien-busting girl that Dib would find his ideal. Plus, more importantly, the outfit she's wearing does NOT make her look half-naked. You're welcome. TAK Occupation: Former Invader/Current Patron of Emotion Power: Willpower Further Notes: Tessirak, or Tak, was at one point, a promising Irken training to be an Invader. She rose quickly through the ranks, impressing all of her superior officers (Red especially, he "loves that girl!")...and tragically getting trapped on her training planet when Zim caused a huge power outage in his desire to get a snack. Typical Zim. Tak got a LITTLE bit insane from that and from being forced to be a janitor for several years. She went to Earth to get her revenge and actually befriended Dib somewhat, but ultimately she lost against Zim and his "friends", and was sent out into space. Her old comrade who still had a great gentlemanly (and slightly romantic) concern for her, Darth, had a fellow comrade go pick her up upon hearing of her plight, and she was almost dead...if not for the fact that her Will was keeping her alive, beyond even her PAK, beyond anything else. This strong Will was what transformed her into the Patron of Willpower, and she bonded to Jayd when he arrived to aid her. Tak is very resolute and intelligent, and always follows through on her plans. She's clever as can be, and over time, developed a dear fondness for Dib and her host, Jayd, who views himself as a Knight, with her as his queen to protect. I like the way her design came out quite a lot, truth be told. She's so streamlined and stylish! I was tempted to give her a cape, truth be told. But like the movie "The Incredibles" said...no capes! JAYD Occupation: Medic Power: Willpower Patron: Tak Further Notes: Jayd was and always has been a lucky, lucky guy. He, like the others in Senior's care, found something fascinating about Earth Culture. Unlike the others though, this fascination came from comics. Ideals like justice and morality hit home with him, and he became fascinated by the tales in comics like "Superman", "X-Men" and, his personal favorite...Green Lantern. It could be the result of his programming: after all, he WAS encoded as a medic, helping the sick and injured and helpless is in his "blood". So was it the entity of Willpower, heroism and courage embodied, that he picked..or did it pick HIM? Either explanation makes sense, and that's what I'm leaving it at. Jayd is the heroic Irken that strives to be courageous and noble, the honorable warrior, a flame of chivalry that can't be blown out. The power of Will requires a living being to manifest, and it's representative is always changing based around who has the mightiest will in its presence. It was Tak that gained it, having the ability to overcome great fear, and she, in turn, bonded to Jayd after he was sent to rescue her courtesy of her dear old comrade, Darithil. With her indomitable will and his deep moral code, the two are a good fit. And I really like the wreathe he wears atop his head. It's a nice touch. MAHT Occupation: Service Drone Power: Compassion Patron: Fiyvr Further Notes: Maht's always been used all his life. Be he a tool of a general, being forced to sweep floors at a diner or being stuck bussing drinks, he's never had his own will. But he doesn't totally care. What he DOES care about is being able to be of some help or use to others. He accepts his lot in life because, for the most part, he feels he can do the most good in whatever position he happens to be in. Gaining the sympathetic light of Compassion and becoming wielder of the Indigo Light enabled him to be of even greater assistance to others. Maht, like the others, found a deep liking of Earthling ways. He finds the different races and cultures fascinating, and has a deep personal enjoyment of food from the small blue planet, especially if it's deep fried or contains cheese. Fiyvr, his patron, is from the world of Wahshyd Dawhn, and was a renowned prophet and seer. He's always happy to lend a hand in solving somebody's problems, and to be a shoulder to cry on...even if he's physically short on both accounts. Curse his lack of opposable thumbs! Still, Maht might be pretty much a rug for others to walk all over on, but he's a very HELPFUL rug, and a reliable type...and he'll still try and give the best hug he can when somebody's feelin' down. DITE Occupation: Elite Invader Power: Passion/Rage Patron: Chulainn Further Notes: Dite likes to be seen as strong. She handles fights like a man, handles anger like a man, and fights dirty like a man. All of her inner anger though, stems from personal loss. She loved someone once, many, many years ago, and gave her all for him. But the Empire let him rot. For that...she would never forgive them. And she adopted a gung-ho attitude similar to her beloved's personality. It is grief that fuels the greatest rage, and so Chulainn, who endured great pain in HIS life, naturally bonded to her and others who felt great suffering. He originated on Earth like Psyche and Jourmungdr, and his appearance changed to better fit his new nature. Dite has a deep love of the kind of "gritty and dark" action stories that Earth has. I'm talkin' "Bloodgun" or "Punisher" type stories. She really, REALLY likes making sure people get what they deserve. And get. And get some more. So yeah...she's a bloodthirsty vigilante with a tragic past. Never seen THOSE before! :roll" MIYUKI Occupation: Former Tallest, Current Resisty Leader and Television Personality Power: Hope Patron: Psyche Further Notes: Psyche comes from Earth like Chulainn and Joumungdr, and when Chulainn stood for passion, the two were very close. If one has hope and faith in the future, one should live passionately, living life to its fullest, unafraid. Furthermore, she likes poetry. His poetry. Yeah, weird relationship. Miyuki has had several weird relationships in HER life too. Darithil considers her a mother figure, to Senior, she was the "big sister" type boss, as dear as family, and to Spork she was an annoying wife that he felt he always had to drag around, like she was a nagging ball and chain and he was a prisoner on a chain gang. Of course, his biggest concern was usually whether the camera was getting his good side, whilst she cared more about, y'know, food shortages, the fate of physical defectives and whether or not the Meekrob would nuke her people. She lost almost all hope when Zim's creation, the Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob ate her, and was forced to maintain her consciousness and what little was left of her body by consuming living beings along with Spork. However, she held onto the idea that one day she could return, and bring her people out of darkness. She represents living hope...the hope that one day, the Irken people could be good and noble, if only they had the right person to show them the way...and she sure knows how to dress, woo! Her outfit is my favorite out of all the girls. It's so regal and dignified! FEYR Occupation: Consular (Interrogator) Power: Love Patron: Jourmungdr Further Notes: Most would be surprised that the power of Love is exemplified by a patron that's a giant snake which used to be a Norse monster, and represented by cannibalistic Irkens dressed in vaguely transsexual armor. Well the thing is, their love almost borders on obsession. Love is deep and complicated, and though usually innocent in intent, it has a bad tendency of not realizing that it's lost sight of the rest of the world...and lost its grip on logic. Consulars are all psychics, and their power has been manipulating Irk for generations. They seek to save Irk from "itself", feeling that the idea that "invaders need no one" is inane. If they didn't need anybody or anything, the Tallest wouldn't give them SIRs. Wouldn't give them PAKs. They love their planet and love other alien races, and not merely for dinner, either. They just have a tendency to get...carried away. Feyr is no exception. He wines and dines all he interrogates, and views shrinking and swallowing them as a high honor, keeping them safe forever, embedded in the crystals he generates with his power, safe until the day Irk is ready to accept love, and by extension, the right of other races to live freely. He's charming and sweet, but also very manipulative and cold-hearted when he wants to be. But what else could you expect from a slightly sociopathic cannibal? XEIL Occupation: Communications Officer Power: Intelligence/Fear Patron: Nollij (aka Panyck), co-bonded with Spork Further Notes: Xeil's problem isn't that she's an egotistical, proud, narcissistic bitch. The problem is that it's a front. The problem is that she could be better, and WAS better. She had a personality her own, which befits her station. Most communication officers are good at listening, can "hear beyond". She was no exception... But Xeil lost herself in her job too easily, and forgot how to feel. She was hearing what others said...but she stopped listening. She lost the zest she had for her job. Panyck is much the same. At one point, he was Knowledge made manifest, the pride and joy of his home planet, but he lost himself in HIS job, and became a fascist, a dictator who worshipped fear. He views it as the best way to establish real order, and that not knowing fear is utter insanity. Admittedly, he might have a point. SOME fear is necessary, some caution is always needed in life...but inflicting fear on others needlessly is something he began to enjoy, when once before he sought to instruct others on what was to be feared rather than being the thing feared. However a piece of his true self remains, brought out by Spork, who has had a long time to think about his own rule, and Xeil, who will, with time, remember HER true self...and why she chose to be a communications officer in the first place. PEECH Occupation: Guard Power: Diligence/Avarice Patron: Pyrsist Further Notes: Pyrsist didn't take a new name, but she focused more on getting stuff than getting stuff DONE. Peech's love of Earth culture is centered around things that can best be summed up in a single word...shiny. Shiny shiny shiny! A brand new shiny thing, that's her favorite object in all the world! She keeps most hidden in her backpack/jetpack, but usually you can hear it all jingling. She likes stealing things out of people's pockets and purses and the like, being something of a kleptomaniac. Peech believes in looking regal and elegant and beautiful, and that more jewels equal more happiness. In short, she's a petty, selfish little brat...she and Pyrsist deserve each other. At one point, Pyrsist was a hard-working citizen of Avianos, but that went out the window when she became Mistress of the Orange Light. Peech is also a huge fan of Earth fashion and likes imitating what's "in" on the planet. Were she a guy, she'd have no problem wearing things like dark biker jackets or cowboy hats. She believes full-heartedly in the right to choice, she sees nothing wrong with letting Irkens be free to dress how they want, and is witty enough to debate her point of view well. To Peech, Wiyn was more than a friend growing up. But when Peech tried to give her the love she felt...Wiyn couldn't give it back. Wouldn't give it back. So she sought to fill the void with junk. She went from being a deep, poem-writing romantic to a shallow valley girl. She didn't have to be that way... NICK. E. ODEON Occupation: Student Power: Death Patron: Himself Further Notes: He's a tragedy. He was eager-to-please. He wanted to satisfy the people who showed him attention and support. He wanted to make others happy and bonded instantly to somebody who he felt was "in need of a friend". But then Zim did the unspeakable, and he went from being childlike in heart to being childlike in mind and interests as well. He has problem getting dressed...tying his shoes. That's not his real hair. It's actually a wig. His old hair kinda...rotted off after... ...erm...well, at one point, he was Dib's comrade and friend. His solider. But Dib couldn't help him...and Dib didn't avenge him. He put Zim in a body cast for six months...but "Nick" never was the same. Ultimately, it's sort of unsurpriisng that he ended up being the Black Entity. He doesn't just blame Invader Zim for his pain. He blames the universe he's in for creating Invader Zim the way he is. He blames the people that made Zim ZIM. And he's gonna make them pay for making so flawed a universe. He views Zim and the universe of Invader Zim irredeemably flawed and better off dead because of all the immorality, cruelty and terrible tragedies that it and its alternate universes spawn. The problem is that he fails to see the good that can be found within, because he refuses to see any other part of IZ. In choosing to focus on one part, albeit a large one, of the realm, he ignores all the rest of it and doesn't get a clear enough view. He doesn't fully"get" Zim, even though he says he does. And yes. He is every bit as representative of you-know-what as you think he is. But it's not his fault. He just doesn't know any better. He's just trying to do what he thinks is best. WIYN Occupation: Elite Grunt Power: None, unless you count being a bitch. Patron: None, unless maybe Satan is her secret benefactor... Further Notes: Wiyn is every horrible, cruel, sadistic, by-the-book bitchy jackass that we've met. She will always stick to the rules but only if she thinks they fit her standards. She forces everyone to fit her standards and will blast anybody that doesn't, and instead of reasonable discussion, she prefers cruel words and violence. Wiyn was, at one point, a dearly beloved comrade of Xeil, and then some. But Wiyn refused to open her heart. Instead, it shriveled up. Don't set her up with a boyfriend. She's married to her work! She's proud, narcissistic, vain, ignorant of others feelings and apathetic to the suffering of innocents. In a word, she's evil. She's a constant whiner about what is or isn't "right" for an Irken to do because she looked into the Untempered Schism, seeing all the truths of her universe. As such, she considers herself a "true Irken" and anybody remotely different from her mold, even if they just have an unusual eye color or like wearing, say, a striped outfit, MUST DIE! She's a good representative of the part of the fandom that I hate...the ones that obsess over what's truly "canon" and what's not, and who have no tolerance or compassion for anybody or anything that stretches outside their boundaries. They've got little tolerance for the fandom and refuse to recognize what it brings to Invader Zim. I have no respect for Wiyn or what she represents. I yearn for the day when she will be turned into an AVOCADO. For those of you who get this inside joke...you know who you are. You rock. SENIOR, aka Nick Grey

Occupation: Senior Communications Officer Power: Life Patron: Sude Further Notes: Nick's Irken Form, now given a true name, "Senior". He's the oldest and most experienced communications officer on the Massive, and considers himself the "Safety Net" to those on the ship. He's there for its crew, to lend a helping hand, a pair of arms to lift them up, a shoulder to cry on. He's always been kind-hearted and harmonious, with a deep love of Earth music. It's no surprise the Entity of Life, Sude of the Planet Allforce, bonded to him. Sude's story is much like Senior's. He was happy with his life. He was upstandingly moral, kindhearted and believed in doing good...and he loved, LOVED music, always having a song in his heart. But in refusing to listen to the Force of Fate, he learned that whilst such forces might not dictate what it is we are destined to do, it's not a good idea to not just disregard the words of a force of nature. Sude's devoted to protecting and supporting life, and will spend the rest of his existence forever making up for his failure. Just like Senior, Sude will always be fighting. But Senior is less of an "immortal". He's been saving the many universes in the I-Z realm for years now, and he feels he was never truly given a choice, given an unfair deal. Ultimately though, his desire to do the right thing made him chose to keep up the fight, realizing that one should never put selfish desires above doing good, no matter how seemingly innocent those desires might be. Senior's come a long way, but at last, his true form is revealed. He is a superhero, meant to embody an ideal, an ideal of humanity brought to Irk, a blessed gift that other Irkens can learn from. I guess he was always going to become a superhero one way or another...he was just such a perfect fit. Plus, I really, REALLY like the new outfit he's got now. It looks damn good on him. Now he'll be fighting injustice and cruelty through the IZ-Realm and in style! White goes well with EVERYTHING.

#invader zim #Zim #Gaz #Dib #Senior #Irkens #irken #comic #cartoon #crossover #Tallest Miyuki #Miyuki #Tak #Skoodge #GIR

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paradisecost · 4 years ago

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hc. simon

first of all nothing here is necessarily canon, i’m writing him as canon-divergent/AU for the sake of slotting him into my overall muse...canon....thing, esp my general cabal verse. SHRUGS

things i won’t be exploring that are part of his canon backstory: drug abuse/addiction, suicide, heavy heavy depression

he definitely still suffers from depression which i’m willing to explore to an extent (like... the same with most of my characters lbr kdnfkjdfn) but in this house we’re skipping the heavy shit because... I DON’T WANNA. he likely had a history of addiction but I Won’t Be Exploring It.

please blacklist ic: simon, facts: simon, aesthetic: simon if zombies are distressing to you. i’ll try to remember to tag all images of him with #zombies// but i can’t promise that i’ll always remember. i write him more like a... vampire without the blood-drinking part than a “zombie”, but y’know.

anyway here’s some more fun facts (tw for a brief medical/surgical trauma mention on #2)

1. autistic. exclusively gay. very irish, very charismatic, a very good listener which makes people trust him more easily. 2. traumatised thanks to his experience with uhhh the people that [checks notes] did surgery on him to help synthesize a cure for his condition. while he was conscious (albeit not in any pain). his back is REAL fucked up because of it; he can’t heal very well, so the wound never... well, closed properly. or healed right. you don’t want to see him with his shirt off. ): 3. can’t feel pain because he’s very, very dead. physiologically he’s a lot like a vampire without the need to drink blood (though actually that would probably help him. g-d he might just be a subspecies of vampire that takes a long time to turn after death who knows). definitely has slightly enhanced senses because i say so- primarily smell. 4. disciple to a cult of people like him who uh, basically want to Rise Up And Be Free etc etc. less of a metaphor for social justice in this AU, though, because the cult are extremely fucking dangerous and would probably be considered terrorists. these guys are more uh, Magneto than Xavier, if you get me. 5. takes a synthesized drug--like other not-quite-zombies do--that keeps him from uh, going feral and trying to eat people. y’know. the usual.

#facts: simon #zombies//#[ JAZZHANDS ]#[ love my zombie son. ]

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maklodes · 5 years ago

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I don’t usually do tumblr sadposting, but I guess maybe the holidays are getting to me and such. I already posted this on /r/trueoffmychest. I’m not sure whether posting this stuff or bottling it up (my usual practice) is better, but I thought I’d give this a shot. I may decide this makes me feel worse and go back to bottling it up. I have no strong feelings about whether you reblog this or not. Potentially distressing content below the cut.

I just feel like it's too late to form real relationships or succeed in life in conventional terms.

Background: I am thirty-five year old man. I don't really have any real friends, and feel like I haven't really since high school (and not many then). I am a kissless virgin straight guy. I am back living with my parents. I have a very spotty employment history, sometimes working with startups that never went anywhere, sometimes doing part time work doing things like Solidworks CAD design stuff. I followed a weird path academically, got a bachelors in economics, then a masters in mechanical engineering. I'm starting a new CAD job in January. The money is okay ($30/hr), but it is part time with fluctuating hours, and generally my résumé is as holey as Swiss cheese.

I have been getting therapy, and have been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. My therapist and some other people have recommended resources to help me try to get out more. I started going to a group that hosts events for people on the autism spectrum, and I went to vocational rehab which connected me with MERS Goodwill which has provided employment counseling that I felt didn’t help much in getting a job (I got my new job primarily through an unrelated personal connection), but maybe did help me in overcoming the severe anxiety I feel around applying for jobs. I also started going to a kind of Jewish young-adult oriented group.

It just doesn't feel like it helps. I can't really connect with people, whether allistic or autistic. I feel like in primarily allistic gatherings, groups of people are already engrossed in their own circles before I know how to break in. I can talk a little bit, but I feel like often the conversation goes into areas I just can’t relate to. In autistic groups, well, I don’t really like to say this, but I find a pretty large fraction of fellow autistic people annoying. Even on weeks when I have a fair number of events that I’m involved with, I feel like I “go to events” rather than “have a social life.” Even when I talk to people, I feel like it’s okay as a one-off conversation, but don’t know how to build deeper relationships.

When I look outside myself, trying to see the world beyond my personal problems, I also feel depressed about the state of the world. I feel like Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, and their friends are destroying my country. I feel like we are missing the chance to keep this planet livable, and now maybe it’s too late. I think about the horrific abuse of animals in factory farms on the scale of tens of billions per year.

I’m not really doing anything to solve these problems or make the world a better place, but I feel like I have to at least try not to make them too much worse. I’m vegan, and I avoid driving when I can, usually bicycling or taking public transit. It’s not enough, CO2 levels are still rising, billions of chickens are still being slaughtered, etc, and more systemic solutions are needed, but I feel like even that bit of harm-reduction I do further alienates me from people, and makes me more of an awkward weirdo in social situations, bringing my own food to pizza parties and stuff. I feel scared of a lot of left-leaning activism, because a lot of social justice rhetoric isn’t good for me psychologically.

I have a hard time using “real-name” social media like Facebook, or online dating. I have a Facebook account but use it about once a year. I’ve never tried any online dating. I think a few women have expressed interest in me in the past that I was largely too oblivious to pick up at the time (e.g., a girl who mentioned that she like guys with eyes the same color as mine), but I find it really inconceivable that any woman would be attracted to me with my life in its current state. (Physically, I’m okay-ish, but at my age, well, my nasolabial folds are starting to get deeper, etc.)

I’m into some nerd stuff, but I feel like I can’t get into a lot of the “mainstream nerd” interests like Star Wars, Marvel, Game of Thrones (I read the ASoIaF books, but only watched about one episode of the HBO show), etc. One mainstream nerd interest I enjoyed was some tabletop RPGs that I played with online friends a decade ago, but I feel like I don’t know how to get into a scene like that IRL.

I play too much multiplayer Mount & Blade: Warband (9 hours over the past 2 weeks, according to Steam), and really nothing else in my Steam library. People on a server there recognize me and sometimes talk to me, and I sometimes chat there too, but I tend to shy away from forming real relationships. I always feel a little uncomfortable when people recognize me and want to talk at a personal level. I also look at a fair amount of hentai and furry stuff, and play some pornographic games. Sometimes laughing at jokes and stuff I see on Tumblr makes me feel happy for a time. The discussions are sometimes good too.

I feel that I’m in a lot of ways like the standard image of the Loser Bad Guy that I see in the media: the socially alienated guy who goes on a shooting rampage, the hateful misogynist incel, the isolated, downwardly mobile angry white male who posts Pepe-in-a-MAGA-hat memes on 4chan. I’m not planning on doing a shooting rampage or anything, but sometimes I just look at myself, and think: what a creep. What a waste of food and water and air. Sometimes I fantasize about getting into an accident that leaves me braindead so my organs can go to people who would make better use of them than I am.

I wish I could be more happy and grateful for the ways in which I am blessed. I am in decent health. I have enough to eat. I have a roof over my head. I am not locked in a battery cage where I can’t stretch my arms out. I am a straight able-bodied white male from an upper-middle class family living in a first-world country. Maybe I just have an unwarranted sense of entitlement, but I don’t know how to be happy with me life as it is.

Sometimes I just feel really angry at myself, for not being smarter, for not being more mature, for not taking advantage of more opportunities I’ve had in the past, for not being more motivated to change, for not doing more to help the people I could. Sometimes I just feel angry at myself for being angry at myself, for my own futile, unproductive anger over my own flaws.

I don’t really feel I talk honestly about this stuff with anyone I know. Sometimes I talk to my therapist, and I don’t lie to her, and she knows the core facts that I laid out here (difficulty with employment, relationships, etc), but I feel like I always shade toward something a little brighter than how I feel -- or, at least, how I feel at my worst moments. Maybe it’s just that my moments with her really aren’t my worst moments, so I’m not in the frame of mind to say how I actually do feel in my worst moments. With my dad, I feel like he thinks I’m just being overly dramatic and irrational. Maybe I am, but if so I don’t know how to be rational, at least consistently. With my mom… well, I usually don’t talk to her about this stuff. I feel like when she sees weakness, she goes in for an attack.

So, I thought I’d give the whole Tumblr sadposting thing a shot. Maybe baring myself like this will be mortifying, maybe cathartic, IDK. Try everything once, right?

#sadposting #depression #personal

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eyecicles · 6 years ago

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Is L autistic or just, you know, traumatised for some reason?

The thing is, even if you compile all the evidence of him maybe suffering from PTSD, there are still more than enough “quirks” and character traits of him you couldn’t explain with him being “just traumatised”. He shows way more autism symptoms than PTSD symptoms, but I personally can still see him having both. You know, this isn’t something unheard-of; a large number of autistic people suffered trauma and/or developed PTSD. I’m diagnosed with both too.

And here’s why I firmly see L as autistic:

He’s confused about social rules:

Example:

If you’re traumatised, you can be confused about what people want from you too. Meaning, you can be overly sceptical, lash out at people for something harmless because of your triggers, interpret neutral faces as “angry” or outright hostile, etc. That’s not what’s happening here. L disregards social norms altogether, and sometimes he doesn’t even understand them. He never interprets facial expressions or body language incorrectly (at least not in the manga), which is kind of a given looking at his profession (and no, not every autistic person is bad at interpreting stuff like that, also because this can relatively easily be learned & lots of autistic people are skilled psychologists and criminal investigators).

He’s good with psychology but he doesn’t have great social skills, and his confusion or the reactions he gets because of his lack of social skills never make him react emotionally.

Also, whenever he’s rude to people, it’s never defensive. He’s rude to people like Matsuda or Misa when they annoy him, he’s rude to Watari when he thwarts one of his plans (when he asks the task force to make the decision to either stay with him and quit the police, or to stop working for him and go back to the police.) but doesn’t seem like he ever pushes someone away out of fear. He has no problem with pretending to be close to someone, like he does with Light and Misa.

That’s why I have a hard seeing this as a PTSD symptom, although trauma can make any already existing confusion much worse for autistic people.

His disregard for social standards:

Example:

Visible suffering from trauma can definitely make someone look “weird” in the eyes of society, but what’s also typical for traumatised people is to act a) more aggressive and defensive than it would be necessary or b) to act more demure, to be shy, to try to be as invisible as possible. L is neither. He’s completely neutral when the examiner asks him to sit properly. This is just an example, but L’s mannerisms neither seem forced (as if he’s trying to prove a point) nor does he ever seem shy or ashamed of something.

In fact, it’s remarkable how much control he has over himself and his emotions.

A good example would be when Light physically attacks him; he fights back without seeming outwardly angry. It’s amazing how much control he shows when Light punches him with all this might, and that’s something I would have a hard time seeing in someone who’s so much traumatised that it’s affecting their entire demeanour and mannerisms. But I digress.

A disregard for social rules can be due to a number of reasons, but with L it’s rather obvious: all of the things that make him stand out have to do with him trying to feel comfortable. He doesn’t wear socks or shoes, he sits in a way that’s comfortable, he always wears the same lose-fitting clothes, he holds objects “weirdly” because it disgusts him to touch them directly, he’s listless, etc. For me, this shows that he doesn’t care what other people think of him either because he has no interest in forming relationships (and Ohba confirms that he never had friends) or because his comfort is just that important to him. I personally think it’s both, which brings me to the next point:

His lack of interest in people or anything outside his work:

Again, traumatised people mostly distance themselves from others out of fear, while L is so much fused with his work that you would have a hard time finding evidence of him having another hobby, or any kind of interest in people on a personal level. And I’d say crime solving is his special interest:

He’s not obsessed with it out of a sense of justice; it’s his biggest, and maybe only, hobby (the only exception could be tennis).

Stimming and ticks:

Example:

L has an obvious oral fixation, which is extremely common in autistic people. He’s always either eating something, biting his thumb, licking his fingers or touching his lips. Biting one’s lips or fingers can be a sign of nervousness and fear, which is therefore indeed something some traumatised people will indulge in as well, but L does it all the time and he isn’t a nervous of fearful guy at all. On the contrary; he’s quite bold and not afraid to get into the faces of other people, even when he’s almost certain they’re a serial murderer.

Another example:

Stacking things. This can be a form of visual self-stimulation, a way to help us concentrate, which is seemingly the reason why L loves stacking objects, and it’s in fact one of the most famous “Asperger’s” symptoms. Playing with objects to distract yourself or to avoid an uncomfortable social situation would be something different, but L does it whenever he’s in deep thought. So much so that he won’t even look at the people around him, whether they talk to him or not. We often see him ignoring people and not because he’s afraid of them, or angry with them. Autistic brains love to intensely focus on one thing at a time.

Another example:

Playing with your own toes/toe wiggling is a very, very common autism symptom

Lack of empathy:

Example:

When L confines Misa, Light and Soichiro, there are several scenes that show the task force being concerned of feeling sorry for one of these characters, while L obviously doesn’t.

I have a hard time imaging L feelings sorry for anyone but himself on a more than superficial level, haha. He feels bad about the FBI agents Light killed, but there’s never a hint of sorrow on his face and definitely no pity.

As I said before: he also never shows a hint of shame, which can be due to lack of empathy and/or lack of interest in social acceptance.

His high intellect:

It’s not just a cliché that autistic will often be highly intelligent; while most autistic people aren’t “genii”, lots of people that are famous for their mental achievements are on the spectrum, or suspected to be on the spectrum. The way an autistic brain is structured can make it easier to be extremely detail-orientated, to think “rationally”, to intensely concentrate on a topic they find interesting with a passion and persistence a lot of non-autistic people lack.

Routine:

L always looks the same, always sits the same way, always eat similar food, always drinks the same beverages, etc. We never see how he would react if you would take that away from him, but I think it’s obvious that his love for sameness is not something he does out of fear; there’s nothing that suggests that he’s trying to avoid triggers. Sure, this still could be the case in theory but looking at how L does almost everything out of the need to feel comfortable or because it helps him concentrate, it’s doubtful.

Also, autistic people often react differently to food, sometimes we can have an either much more sensitive or less sensitive stomach, and I find it interesting how L has no problem with consuming so much sugary food without getting sick. (That’s also something I can relate to *cough*)

His motor skills and agility:

It’s both a classic autism symptom to be extremely bad and to be extremely good with motor skills. Sometimes both at the same time. While L’s body language is often pretty awkward, he’s also quite skilful. Examples:

He’s an excellent tennis player

His capoeira skills prove how agile he is

He can tie cherry stems with his tongue

He can write with a pen while holding said pen with just his finger tips

“Weird” facial expressions:

Well, we all know about L’s funny facial expressions, and I can’t tell you how often people brought up my expressions, since I look either very neutral (”stone-faced”) or apparently do something weird with my face, rarely anything in-between… which yes, is a classic autism symptom

His appearance in general:

Thick, wild hair, bad posture, large pupils, long & crooked limbs, even dark circles - all of that is a bit more common in autistic people. While autism doesn’t have to affect our appearances at all, it can, and it’s interesting how L has displays some physical symptoms as well.

#answered #anon #l lawliet #meta #death note #autism #ptsd

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fantroll-purgatory · 6 years ago

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hey guys, it’s me again! this troll is based on a tabletop character I’ve had for almost two years who’s very dear to my heart. have fun!

I have to tell you right out the gate that I don’t have a lot of commentary here! They’re pretty well defined in all areas and you’ve very carefully considered what each part of their profile that you have means!

home planet: Alternia

name: Lelelu Luciin - based off the names they had in the game? their first name is based off their childhood name, Lellu, which was picked by the DM and as far as I know wasn’t based off anything, and their last name is based on the name they go by as an adult, Lucine, which ties into their association with divine light.

I’m almost tempted to make an Odette joke/recommendation here, but considered it has in-universe establishment from an external source, I think Lelelu is fair. I could also try to make some kind of tenuous connection about how Lelelu sounds similar to Leleu which means wolf, but… That’s not helpful. I’ve also found a few questionable sources about grammar stating that Ira Lelelu means The Disobedient in… Peterara? I think?, so there’s that take-with-a-grain-of-salt fact.

age: around 9 sweeps.

strife specibus: Fistkind. they’re quite strong and have become adept at unarmed combat.

Going weaponless is usually reserved for void players, but I do think it kind of fits their ideological bent that they would not want a lot of separation between themself and the people they fight- to be really sure that this is the right thing before laying in. I wonder if there’s any other similarly intimate weapon that they could use? Corded whips are sometimes associated with justice and retribution (see: Jesus braiding his own whip and then chasing the money changers). They could have a weapon setup so that they need to actually braid their whip before they fight, so they have to be sure they REALLY need to fight before going in.

fetch modus: Memory. this is mostly a joke based on the game they’re from, which had “all the players wake up with total Hollywood amnesia and have to reassemble their memories over the course of the game” as its premise and a throwaway line from the DM when I kept rolling poorly to recall that normally they had a pretty good memory, but since Lelelu is a fundamentally patient person who plays by the rules, I think they’d use it effectively, even if it’s not as much as Jade.

trolltag: I haven’t come up with one since I’m not really the greatest at those, ha ha!

How about ophidianDominie? It basically just means Snake Priest.

quirk: honestly I haven’t come up with one either, just because I haven’t really conceptualized their online presence? their speaking pattern is very serious, almost formal - they’re autistic and use a distinctive blend of registers that utilizes a lot of sophisticated words, but the actual sentence structures they use are personal, not academic.

Sometimes trolls really do just have some straightforward typing quirks. Maybe you could use something like Frequent Stops to represent them carefully considering their words.

Ex: I am not. Mad. Just disappointed.

blood color: jade. this is subject to change if the mods think another color would fit better! the primary reason for this is that although my character is primarily associated with a warm gold in game, they’re also heavily associated with the sun god they worship.

symbol: a version of their god’s symbol (a roughly T-shaped sunburst best seen here) that’s been modified to fit the jade rules. if we’re going by Extended Zodiac rules, I would use the jade/Prospit/Hope sign.

lusus: a horse-sized swan with a snake’s head. they keep its feathers and sew them into a shiny white cape.

special abilities: they’re a rainbow drinker. obviously rainbow drinking is tied to their status as a jadeblood - I chose this because of a rainbow drinker’s enhanced strength, agility, and glowiness, which are all abilities my game character has, but if there’s something else that fits the bill for a non-jade, I’d be fine with it. (the white marks on their design are scars, which retain a degree of luminosity even when they tone down the rest of their skin.)

they also have an old, discarded cherub juju, though they’re not aware that’s what it is. they discovered it along with accounts of a noble defender of justice who fought and prevailed against a mighty evildoer and believed that the defender described was a troll from long ago, much like Kanaya’s initial perception of the elusive tentacleTherapist. the juju grants them powerful abilities, though they can’t use the full extent because they’re not a cherub. with it, they can conjure fire and temporarily shift their arms into wings. (the character they’re based on can transform into a swan as a racial trait, but I kinda nerfed it for the troll version.)

personality: Lelelu is, at heart, a nurturing person. in a better world, raised by people with an ironclad commitment to protect the weak, they’d be a staunch pacifist, never killing if they can wound, never wounding if they can subdue, never subduing if they can’t pacify, and so on. Alternia is not that world.

although Lelelu would never hurt one they perceive as innocent, they don’t believe in extending that same treatment to those who would. they’re distrustful of highbloods, and that distrust turns to fury if they discover that someone practices culling. they’re not so impulsive as to act on that fury if they’re not in a situation where their safety would be assured, but they have a good memory for those who offend their principles.

a lifetime on Alternia has taught them that most trolls are quick to practice needless violence. even so, they can’t help but feel that even the most brutal of killers could have been a kinder person if they just tried. every time they take a life, they’re disappointed: disappointed at a situation they feel forced their hand, disappointed in themselves for not being able to save an innocent troll, and disappointed in the offender for not being better.

when dealing with trolls who aren’t murderers, they’re a striking mix of serious and cheerful. most people interpret them as more severe than they actually are, partly because of their odd manner of speaking, partly because of their logical thought processes, and partly because they’ve been jaded (ha ha) by Alternian society, but they’re surprisingly optimistic, for someone whose high standards so often lead them to be disappointed in others.

Lelelu is a troll with a higher calling - at least, that’s what makes the most sense to them. when they were young, they discovered a mysterious artifact and inspiring tales of a snakelike winged person who seemed to share their principles and sense of justice. because the artifact resembled their sign, they believed the figure in the legends was their own ancestor and decided to carry on their legacy.

they have a great deal of faith in fate and a sense that everything will ultimately work out. it doesn’t necessarily have to benefit them, but they have a strong sense that there’s a force bigger than themselves out there that has a goal and looks out for everyone, in its own way.

one event in particular that stands out in their life is their conversion to a rainbow drinker. they got into a fight they couldn’t handle that left them with deep scars, but though they were left for dead, they woke up stronger, faster, shinier… and thirstier. they interpreted the transformation as a blessing and swore to only drink from trolls whose lives they personally brought to a righteous end.

I love themmm

interests: they enjoy tending to living things and keep a thriving garden around their hive, weeds and all. because they spent a good deal of time in the brooding caverns before they discovered their true purpose, they’re fascinated by rain, snow, and other weather they wouldn’t encounter underground. they also have a fondness for music and sing to themselves when they’re alone.

title: Knight of Hope. Lelelu is a troll of strong principles who holds the idea of a better world close to their pusher, and they use their principles and optimism to accomplish almost everything they do.

You’ve written a PERFECT knight of hope here (and a perfect prospitan)

dreamself: Prospit. they’re straightforward in nature and take things at face value, always pursuing the path of fate and personal destiny. they have a firm faith that the universe will always follow its own rules.

land: I haven’t come up with a quest or Land yet, mostly because I’ve been thinking of them mostly on Alternia rather than in Sgrub. I sort of picture a land of treacherous terrain wracked by storms, and their goal being to restore sunlight, though that’s based on events that happened in the tabletop session.

It’s still a good one. If it was a land filled with despair and they needed to bring the metaphorical light back into people’s lives even more than the literal, that’d be great. You could do something like the Land of Dolor and Tempest?

As for design, I think they’re pretty perfect, I wouldn’t really change anything.

Thank you so much for sharing!

-CD

#jadeblood #submission #crashorpie #review #cd review

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ffxv-ocs-unite · 7 years ago

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With her fic coming out soon, I wanted to introduce my OC, Joey Mcgill to you guys. Admittedly I’m a little nervous since this is a rather rough profile, but I hope you find it an interesting read!

Joey is a major/main character in the upcoming fanfiction, Fate and Entropy.

~Joey Mcgill Profile~

Full Name: Johanna Mcgill

Preferred Name/Nickname: Joey

Birthplace: Unspecified Midwestern American City, Earth

Ethnicity: European American /Caucasian

Gender: Cis Female

Age: 25 years

Height: 5"2"

Weight: 150 lbs

Dominant Hand: Left

Sexual Orientation: Demiheterosexual

Backstory (as non-spoilerly as I can manage): Joey was starting to get her life together, putting away money at a new job and hoping to eventually venture out into the wider world. One night however, she went to sleep, and through a inexplicable cosmic event that temporarily created a rift in time and space, where she woke up the next morning was not her bedroom at home. In fact, she found herself waking up in the city of Insomnia.

Scared and utterly confused, she tried to find the nearest police station, crossing paths with three young men and one older man, happy to assist in getting her some help.

When she arrived at the police station, the three men stick around to see what becomes of her. Things did not go well, as there were no records of a person of her name and description, or the address she gives as her home address.

Suspicion rose, and the police started to wonder if she is unstable or possibly dangerous, when one of the men stepped in and stood up for her, stating that he believed she could be trusted.

This young man was none other than Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum, and he declares Joey will be taken into Royal Custody effective immediately.

Eyes are upon her, and even after the incident she did not easily gain the trust of others. Especially when claiming she is someone not of this world.

The events that followed intertwine Joey’s fate with that of Prince Noctis and his Crowsguard, and eventually she found herself among their number, accompanying the Prince on his journey to reclaim his throne and restore light to the world.

Personality: At her core, Joey is kind, caring, and has a strong sense of justice. She will go out of her way to try and be supportive and helpful, sometimes to the point she forgets her own limitations or to attend to her own needs.

Joey is normally a very introverted, polite woman in public. But among friends, she is quite conversational and warm, nurturing even. With friends, she is loyal and trusting and gives them the benefit of the doubt unless they have done something to seriously wrong her or someone else in the past.

Despite her general struggles with social situations, she has a knack for getting along with kids and people who are not normally easy to befriend (either due to being shy or not easy to get along with), much in part to being generally very accepting of other people.

Joey has a hard time dealing with anger, the examples she had growing up not being particularly good ones (either bottle up your emotions or explode). She tends to want to hold in her anger until she can’t anymore. As a side effect of this part of her mentality, when thinking about something that’s bothering her, it can be hard for her to stop thinking about it.

She tends to worry a lot, and deals with a lot of self-doubt. Though she was a lot worse in her past, it is an area she continuously struggles with, though it is easier for her to deal with if she has proper emotional support.

Psychological Profile: Joey is autistic, and as such she has trouble with some social cues and reading facial expressions. Although she has had help from an early age in dealing with this difficulty present in her neurotype. What is more of a struggle for her are her sensory sensitivities, and the possibility for sensory overload. Too much sensory input (noise, movement, etc.) can be overwhelming and cause exhaustion and sometimes emotional strain.

While Joey is remarkably resilient when it comes to physical trauma, she tends to be more sensitive to emotional traumas (such as death or abuse) and they tend to stay with her longer. Joey herself is a survivor of emotional abuse in her past at the hands of a former boyfriend, and has some issues with depression and anxiety as a result of her experiences.

Even though she struggles in some areas, Joey is very intelligent, and it shows when she’s speaking anywhere other than a casual setting among friends. Though it tends to come out the most in her poetry, which she keeps in a journal stored on a tablet she takes along on adventures with her new companions.

Weapon Proficiency: Spellcasting (Elemancy and Barriers), Firearms (Handguns only)

Skill Proficiency: History (Will research history, politics, and other areas of interest for Noctis. In a theoretical scenario where Joey was an actual character, leveling up this skill would provide more details in possible in-game codex like the ones featured in the Dragon Age and Mass Effect series.)

Other Skills: Joey can cook well, though she is nowhere the expert level that Ignis is. However, she is an avid gamer much like Noctis. She has a soft spot for poetry, and is remarkably good at making poetry on the spot.

Likes: Video Games, Tea and Coffee, Rabbits, Cats, Poetry, Spicy Food, Reading (particularly related to History and Biology)

Dislikes: Overly sweet or bitter food, arachnids (spiders and scorpions), large crowds, and small talk

#submission #Johanna Mcgill #fffxv oc #meet the oc

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creacherkeeper · 7 years ago

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Thoughts on autistic Clint?

OH BOY OKAY

my poor boy has no idea how to do like. “normal” relationships ya feel?? and part of that was that he didn’t have a model of it growing up in his abusive household but also he just. has no innate sense of how it’s supposed to work?? it took him so so so long to learn when he was being mistreated because he has very black and white thinking. if someone was Good then they were Good and he didnt really seem to realize that they could still wind up hurting him. his dad was Bad so clint didn’t care when he died. he puts people in these boxes and it’s hard for him to break out of that. and when someone is Good he doesn’t just respect them but it almost verges on hero worship? like with cap, or when he first met nat, or even with trick shot or barney. it’s not a healthy, two-way relationship. it’s him putting the other person on a pedestal and just. not even getting it when they mess up. he falls in love SO FAST SO HARD but he also falls from that so hard?? because when the people who are Good do something Not Good he just. like can’t even process it and he’s got all these Big Emotions that he doesn’t know how to handle. and he can’t even explain to himself what he’s feeling, just that he’s feeling A Lot and he doesn’t know what to do about it. like when the thing happened with bobbi he just Flipped His Shit and they ended up getting divorced, when i think a lot of people could have worked it out? or at least talked about it more. but in his mind ‘Good person did Bad thing = im going to completely lose my shit over this’ so he cant even recover from it

so he just sort of channels all that into this single obsessive compulsion to Do The Right Thing because he doesnt know how else to cope. and he has his own rules for how to get to the right thing and what’s acceptable to do, but he still has this very basic, almost childlike morality that’s driving the whole thing? like he has that moment where he’s like “when you’re around cap you want to be good ... but cap’s not here” but like. at the end of the day he’s still doing everything he’s doing out of the drive to be what he would consider a Good Person. and some of the core conflict is that he doesn’t know how to be that but he’s still trying?? that’s why he gets up every day and fights the good fight and takes down the bad guys and helps the little guy out. because he just doesn’t understand why someone would do anything else. he’s got that intense need for justice that’s a very autistic thing, coupled with the black and white thinking, that ultimately is why he does everything he does

and he really thinks in like ??? this really Weird way. like he doesn’t go through the same steps other people go through or come to the same conclusions. he thinks in a very unique way but he’s also rather analytical? (if you’ll excuse me using an example from the movies - the “doors open from both sides” comment when like. no one else considered that.) like the reason he can do all these crazy shots and everything is because he has a very mathematical mind and he knows how to do all these calculations without even thinking about it, with all these different arrows at these crazy angles, like when he’s falling off a building. you can’t really practice making a shot while falling off a building, but he can do it because he knows the exact trajectory and how the wind factors etc etc etc. he’s super detail-oriented and logical

also that “shut up about my stuff--i know it’s a mess and it’s half-taped together and it’s old and busted--but it’s mine”. that’s just. super autistic. like. same

he also has this driving need to prove he’s independent? that he doesn’t need anybody and that he can take care of himself. which i think is one of the things that drew him towards kate because she’s the same way. but he’s always afraid of relying on anybody or like. admitting he needs help when it comes to the big stuff (like TELLING PEOPLE YOU ARE GOING BLIND. COUGH COUGH.) which is why him calling jess at the end of issue 19 was such a big deal

he’s also. not great at the speaking thing. he mixes up words a lot especially when he’s nervous and seems to have trouble putting his thoughts into words in general but especially when he’s upset

also his like. lifelong issues with depression and self-hatred, his trouble with hygiene and keeping a tidy house, and inconsistent sleep schedule are all big tells too

& & & him pretending to be dumber than he is because it’s easier when people underestimate him and people just. sort of assume he’s dumb because of the way he comes across

plus he is the MASTER OF SARCASM AND SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOR which we all know can only be accomplished by autistics

wow i super didnt mean for this to be so long but!!!!!!!! you fuckin asked for it!!!! but basically all this points to an autistic who never got told he was autistic and never learned how to cope with it who is FINALLY trying to learn how to have healthy relationships and boundaries and all that with kate (which doesnt always go well but), who gets easily taken advantage of, who’s constantly selling himself short, who thinks outside the box but doesn’t always give himself credit for that ... in sum: clint is autistic thank you & good day

#abuse cw #child abuse cw #clint barton #hawkeye #Anonymous

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timetrees · 8 years ago

Text

lovely orbiting: for the yj fic exchange

this is the first chapter of the fic i wrote for @yjficexchange! art is by @boogiewonder-lance (who i can’t tag for some reason). the rest of the fic can be found on [ao3]. the art is [here].

Bart was tired.

It wasn’t late, and he hadn’t been doing much. He’d just gotten back from a mission, but his role hadn’t been critical in the least. Bart knew it was bad to wish for action after the near-apocalypse, after Wally’s death, but he wanted to feel alive.

He felt dead, and maybe that was for the best.

The rest of his squad were heading home, or to the showers, but Bart had no home. He didn’t feel comfortable with the Garricks. Barry had his own life and his twins would be due in a few months, and Bart wasn’t selfish enough to stay with them. So he lived in the Watchtower, in the Team’s section of the place.

His room was next to Beast Boy’s, which was often annoying. Bart wasn’t in the mood for nineties sitcoms. He wasn’t in the mood for much at all, lately.

Someone was knocking at his door.

Bart sighed and tried to muster up the energy to open the door and interact with people. He was tired. He hated being tired. Finally, he was able to open the door.

Robin, dressed with slightly more stylish sunglasses than Bart had last seen him in, didn’t seem too perturbed by Bart’s lack of emotion. Bart knew this wasn’t how he usually acted, or at least it wasn’t how he usually acted in this time. Back in the future, maybe he’d been more this way. He didn’t know. He didn’t like to think of that time.

“Hey,” Robin said. “You mind if I hide out in here?”

Bart felt a little interest now — why did Robin have to hide out anywhere? He stepped aside and let Robin in his room.

“Thanks,” Robin muttered, settling himself on the floor next to Bart’s bed.

“You can sit up here, if you want,” Bart said. He was trying so hard to be normal, to have energy, but Robin was a detective anyway — he would know even if Bart succeeded.

Robin climbed up onto his bed and seemed to watch Bart for a while.

Bart didn’t look at him. “Why’re you hiding, Robin?”

Robin said, “you can call me Tim right now. We’re just in your room, and even if Gar hears, he already knows my name.”

“Oh,” Bart said. “Right. Sorry about that.”

Tim shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter that much,” he said. “He was bound to find out at some point.”

“Yeah…”

“Anyway,” Tim said quickly. “I’m not really hiding. I just don’t really want to talk to Nightwing right now. He’s— he’s great and everything, you know, but every time I hang out with him I feel weird. Like, he thinks of me as a little kid and I don’t think he always trusts me to take care of myself.”

Bart exhaled in a way that was somehow bitter. “I get that,” he said.

Being the successor to a dead person wasn’t a usually lovely thing.

“Yeah,” Tim said, breathily, and sighed in a long way. “And I, I don’t know, almost idolize him or whatever? Not really. I really respect him, and I… I don’t know. I think way too much when I’m hanging out with him, about what I’m saying and what I’m doing. And I feel like shit when I embarrass myself.”

Bart wasn’t sure if he related to that part, so he didn’t comment. “And, what, I’m more bearable than Gar?” he asked.

Tim gave him an odd look. “Or maybe I wanted to get to know you better.”

Bart, for whatever reason, hadn’t considered that.

“Are you alright, though?” Tim asked. “You seem off. Not that you’re, um, worse this way or anything—”

“No, I know,” Bart interrupted. “I’ve been feeling weird lately. Less energy.”

“Hm,” TIm said. “The, uh, the depression.” He said the word ‘depression’ weirdly, like an inside joke Bart didn’t quite get.

Bart curled up into himself. “Maybe,” he said. “I used to be more like this… back, um, back where I’m from. When I’m from. I kind of thought it would end without all the… apocalypse stuff. But it didn’t.”

Tim studied him, not looking into his eyes but at the spot between his collarbones. Bart felt out of place.

“Are heroes meant to be depressed?” Bart asked.

“Maybe not meant to be, but most of us are, at least to some degree and at some point.” Tim laced his fingers together in a strange way. “It comes with the job. We’re around so much death and pain and everything… it sinks in.”

“Oh,” Bart said, quietly. “Does anyone on the team…”

“I have depression,” Tim said. “If that’s what you’re asking. I’m also autistic. You’re not, like, weird for feeling like shit. I don’t want to say everyone does because that’s not always true and it’s annoying to hear anyway, but… don’t feel, or I mean, you shouldn’t feel, um, bad because you’re feeling bad. Because we understand. We even have a team therapist.”

“Black Canary, right?” Bart said. He poked Tim’s cheek, for reasons unknown to both of them. Tim put his eyebrows together in a startled sort of way.

“Yes,” Tim said. “I saw her once or twice after my mom died. I think the League was meaning to have everyone do a session with her after Wally died and the whole Reach thing ended, but I guess it didn’t end up happening.”

“She saw Jaime,” Bart said. “Blue.”

“Yeah…” Tim rubbed his eye. “Anyway. If you want me to mention seeing you to her, I can. If you want.”

Bart shrugged. He didn’t much feel like talking anymore. “Thank you,” he said, and leaned onto the wall of his bed.

They were both quiet for a while, just sitting on the bed in silence. Bart hoped he would have energy again sometime soon. (Though he did wonder if he annoyed others less this way. Would people want to be around him more if he didn’t do all that?)

Tim had his eyes closed when he spoke again. His eyelashes were long. “How do you know my secret ID,” he said, not quite as a question.

“Uh,” Bart said. “I’m from the future.”

Tim opened his eyes once, seemed to decide that it was too bright, and closed them again. “Yeah, but it was the apocalypse or whatever. You didn’t really have history class, right?”

Oh, right.

Bart had forgotten how many lies he’d told in his months on Earth. Too many to count, probably. About the future, about his teammates, about Barry. There was so much now that he had no clue how to take it back.

“There were,” he started. “Others. Legacies of heroes and and stuff. The, uh, Neutron guy, whatever, he helped with the time machine and stuff. Some other people told me stuff about the past, who everyone was, all that. Most of the Justice League now was dead or incapacitated by then, but some of them had kids and stuff, and I worked with them.”

“That makes sense,” Tim said. “Oh. Yeah. I guess I should say, maybe, sorry? That all that happened in your timeline.”

“I don’t really get the ‘sorry’ thing,” Bart said. “Shouldn’t you say sorry when something is your fault? It’s not your fault.”

Tim shrugged and slid down the bed a bit. “I don’t know any other words to use,” he said. “I’m bad with them.”

It was silent again for a long time after that. Finally, Bart said:

“We should do this again sometime.”

“Do what?”

“Talk. Actual talking. I feel like I never talk to anyone. I know I talk all the time, but it doesn’t register.”

Tim paused. “I’m sick of small talk,” he said, possibly quoted. “Talk to me about what really matters in the world. Like depression and bad end futures.”

Bart laughed, but he wasn’t sure what he was laughing at. “What is that?” he asked. “That’s from something.”

Tim snickered a little. “Meme.”

Bart nodded seriously. “Meme.”

After a few more moments of silence, he said, “but really. We should do this again.”

“...yeah.”

#yj #timbart

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