#guess who just watched daisy jones & the six

[solitaire-sol]

06: Cheat

For: @prongsfoot-microfic

Month: August 2023

AO3: Link

Notes: Non-explicit James/Sirius, incl. the break-up, with background James/Lily. Also, Remus and Peter are here?

They were two months into a seventh-month tour when it became clear that The Marauders weren't going to survive. Whatever was wrong centered around James and Sirius, and if the band's center faltered, Remus and Peter couldn't save it. Neither had the talent of imposing their will on the world, not the way their frontmen did: James was the gravity that held them together, Sirius was the match that lit the flame. They'd turned four strangers in a dorm into a band that defied expectations, found success when they should have failed; they were the creative force, writing the songs and taking center-stage, natural performers who drew the crowd along as if each song was an invitation to the best time of their lives. That was how James and Sirius lived: Arms around each other's necks, laughing at some private joke they were playing on the world, sharing drugs and drinks and girls and falling into the same bed before waking up to do it again.

That was how they were, until they weren't. Until they were writing songs in separate rooms instead of over the same table with their heads close together, their words in each other's mouths; until James was turning in early and Sirius wasn't coming back at all, staggering into rehearsal still reeking of sex, his smile venomous and his glare weighted with accusations. James bent over his bass and pretended not to notice, but the stiffness in his shoulders gave him away.

They still performed together because the fans expected it, and maybe that offstage distance was channeled onstage, because whatever simmered between them now boiled over on a nightly basis. That's what it was like for the finale concert, when they ran through their greatest hits for the last time: Maybe they'd never done them in quite that order, maybe they'd never sung them exactly that way, but Peter went pale behind the keyboard and Remus almost lost the beat. Every song that James and Sirius had written together was a love song, and every song they'd written apart was about the anguish of love; the lyrics were laced with references that only someone who knew them would recognize, and they were tearing themselves into pieces in full view of a world that would never understand what it was seeing. When the lights dimmed and the spotlight came on and Sirius threw himself into the last song of the night, it was his final, desperate plea for James to choose him. James' counterpoint was his apology, one last “I love you” before he couldn't let it matter anymore.

The fans went into a frenzy as the lights came up, demanding an encore, but Sirius had already thrown down his guitar and fled the stage, already gone by the time the others followed him into the wings. As the curtain came down, James turned to Remus and Peter with a forced smile and announced that Lily, his girlfriend, was pregnant. James was leaving the band.

[sirenologyyy]

MODERN ATWOW BAND HEADCANONS !

✹ summary : in which i'm slowly crawling back to my avatar hyperfixation and i decided to make a band au!except I'm right (or not take this with a grain of salt hehe) and I frl can't see them playing any other roles

✹ author's note : let this not flop in eywa we pray 🙏 and yes, Daisy Jones and the Six is my favorite book, how did you guess?

✹ warnings : mentions of bleeding, scabs, swearing obv

It all started one balmy afternoon when Lo'ak and Spider were blowing off their biochemistry homework lying down on the floor staring at the cieling fan undeviatingly oscillate above them. Then, Lo'ak suddenly sits up from his spot causing Spider to look at him.

"What's up?" Asked Spider.

Lo'ak looks at him, a newfound determination in his wide eyes. "Dude, what if we start a band."

Spider frowns. "A band?"

"No, but hear me out for a second." says Lo'ak bristling in his spot as Spider sits up.

Although wary, Spider hums. "Alright."

"Think about it, school's almost over, we barely know anybody in this town, are we seriously gunna hangout in the beach all summer trying to make friends?"

Spider chuckles. "I think I'm missing the point where that's a bad idea."

"Spider, come on bro- look at us, we're losers alright? We're practically throwaway fish to the kids at school- but if we start a band, who knows how many people'll wanna be a part of it, we'll score a couple of life long friends AND it'll be our one solid excuse not to be at home" Lo'ak's riposte was proving to make sense, with a toothy smile to cap it off, but of course Spider- considering he was two years Lo'ak's senior had to pop his bubble with the pragmatic pin of reality.

"I don't know dude, it sounds kinda lame." Spider replies hesitantly, propping himself up by his elbows. "We've been trying to start a band since 7th grade, we always end up calling it quits on the 3rd week."

"This time it'll be different."

Spider scoffs. "Uh-huh? How "

Lo'ak nudges his right shoulder upwards. "We'll ask Neteyam to help."

Spider shoots him yet another look. "If he doesn't want to help?"

"We make do," Lo'ak shrugs. "What's wrong with a two man band?"

"Almost everything." Spider snorts.

★ lo'ak ──────── electric guitar

when they used to live back in high camp, he found an old silvertone in their attic that used to belong to jake during his marine days along with scores of 70's rock bands' songs on yellowing paper fraying at the edges and folds.

He spent 3 months learning a song with 4 chords by ear and performed it at the school talent show

When he got into 6th grade he did not only beg, for an electric guitar he GROVELED. He suddenly wanted to do all the chores in the house, he suddenly got C's instead of D's in tests, it was terrifying because who the hell WAS this and what did they do to the real Lo'ak???

Jake and Neytiri didn't give him one until he was 13. Jake just picked him up from school one day and all of a sudden just asked: you wanna get that electric guitar?

LO'AK WAS OVER THE GODDAMN MOON.

got a classic red stratocaster.

The first song he ever learned to play on the guitar was buddy holly by weezer...

Come on you guys what were you expecting

likes picking at his finger scabs and does it until neteyam or tsireya tells him off.

has multiple guitar picks but always uses this specific one he made into a necklace and wears it everywhere.

THEN PROCEEDS TO LOSE SAID GUITAR PICKS

tuk keeps hiding them around the house waiting for lo'ak to lose his mind.

he can play any song by ear, just watch.

plays around with riffs more often than not.

★ neteyam ──────── back up vocalist / lyricist

never even wanted to join the band but was bullied into joining (kiri joined when he said he wouldn't just to spite him)

has perfect pitch (are we surprised though)

YOU'D SNEEZE AND BITCH ASS CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT NOTE IT'S AT.

uses it to nitpick Lo'ak when he's straying from the original pitch.

lo'ak will then threaten to cave his face in with his capo.

his favorite artists are frank ocean and kendrick lamar.

no one in his entire school woulda guessed he could sing. Nobody.

was made to sing in family events... (iykyk)

loves musicals. his favorite's Hamilton...

Jake and Neytiri took him to see Hamilton once in New York when he was 11, he's never been the same since.

HAS MAJOR FUCKING STAGE FRIGHT I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. HE WILL NOT GO ON STAGE UNTIL YOU SMACK HIM IN THE HEAD SO HARD HIS BRAIN RESETS AND SUDDENLY HAS THE BALLS TO FACE THE AUDIENCE.

Once he's out there though he totally changes, he gets more confident, when he's really feeling it then his braids start flying everywhere... it's becoming an issue really, he might take someone's eye out with how solid his hair beads are...

hurled his guts out one time before they had to perform at the end of year school fair.

★ kiri ──────── pianist

there are always four types of gays. English Teacher Gays, Art Teacher Gays, History Teacher Gays, and Music Teacher Gays.

Kiri was definitely the last one.

lo'ak got her a shirt that says "key master" with her face horribly photoshopped onto the keys of a piano.

she burned it the night she got it.

til this day lo'ak never knew what happened to it.

Suki Waterhouse as Karen Sirko in the DJATS live action? Brain chemistry = altered

Stevie Nick's and Lindsey Buckingham's performance of Silver Spring in Fleetwood Mac's Reunion concern in 1997? = Roman Empire.

was in the school choir and would play the piano in their choir director's stead.

has been playing the piano for 9 years but always gets confused when asked to play a flat or a sharp (it takes her 4 tries to figure out where C minor is)

her favorite piece to play is over the waves by juventino rosas.

when she wants to show jake a new piece she's been working on, by the first minute he's out like a fucking light. SHE'S JUST THAT GOOD.

also when she wants to play a piece with too many chords she never wanted to play it in the first place.

once she messes up she's definitely one of those people who spams the keys.

one time when she was playing a piece her fingers cramped mid-song and she freaked out.

★ spider ──────── drums

his dad's military friends taught him how to play the drums.

lo'ak dared him he couldn't do a drumroll for an hour.

spider did it in two and a half but stopped cuz he got hungry LMAO.

impresses kiri with various drumstick spins, it dosen't impress her.

practically worshipped that one vine of those two kids.

was definitely one of those kids that played with overturned pots and pans and pretended it was a drum set (it annoyed the hell outta norm)

once lost his drum sticks and used chopsticks (ps. they weren't the same)

scribbled their band logo on his bass drum and was very proud of it.

INSISTED they would call themselves "the seven skxawngs"

nobody listened to him.

when they held auditions for their drummer he went "You guys know I can play the drums right?"

has never watched whiplash.

uploads drum covers on his tiktok account with 70 followers.

makes dumb jokes if the others can't figure out a certain chord or note he'd go "guys maybe it's at H!"

the most chillest person in the band though frl.

somehow always manages to pull??? The amount of game this man has solely just because he's the drummer is wild.

they once performed at an event with 50 people and Spider was wearing addidas slides the entire time and nobody noticed.

★ tsireya ──────── main vocals/lyricist

When I tell you this kid can SING SHE CAN SING.

frl the real life ariel I swear evrrytime she opens her mouth everyone's wishing on her downfall because she's such a talented singer, her vibratro is so measured, her runs are so clean, she's just so UGHHHH.

is such a theatre kid oh Lord.

was made to sing at family events too (it's practically a canon event atp guys.)

has a special journal where she writes her song lyrics that she takes with her everywhere (give her 5 minutes and she can write a song with just her hand as paper and eyeliner as a pen.)

joined in singing competitions when she was a kid and when she was 10 joined a televised singing competition and managed to make it to the semi-finals.

it's why she's the lead singer of the band anyway.

she always has pearls threaded into her hair every time they perform and it's been her signature look ever since.

her voice is fucking angelic ya'll istg.

is a soprano. enough said.

is amazing at reading sheet music.

she and neteyam wrote 3 original songs that the band performs everytime they get a gig.

aside from singing she can play piano and violin too.

she's a fucking wordsmith too like she's so eloquent and knows all these big words and she's good at expressing her pent up emotions through songwriting.

the literal it girl. Everyone in their band gained more popularity ever since they opened for a popular band from L.A. but everyone in their high-school knows her name. Everyone.

her vocal control is amazing.

she really knows how to liven up a crowd.

★ aonung ──────── rhythm guitar

has been playing guitar since he was 7.

took up guitaring because his dad introduced him and tsireya to playing instruments at a young age.

collects guitar straps.

neteyam's always on his ass about if what he's playing sounds right or not (50% of the time he's not)

it isn't practice without neteyam and aonung almost throwing hands at least thrice.

almost always smokes while practicing.

oddly enough only has one guitar pick and he hasn't lost it yet unlike lo'ak who buys new guitar picks every other month.

obsessed with black nailpolish, you won't see him go on stage without black nails istg.

he didn't even audition for the band. He was just always there at the Sully residence to pick Tsireya up from practice until one day Tsireya told him to come inside the house, when he did he finds out they needed someone for rhythm guitar and that Tsireya let it slip that Aonung knew how to play.

he's been a part of the band ever since.

he's just incredibly good with his fingers, enough said.

after the first time they performed their first gig at some girl's house party, he, rotxo, and lo'ak got high on the rooftop of Aonung's house (yk until Lo'ak slipped and started dangling from the gutters and fell into the pool)

his outfits always eat every time they perform.

james hetfield the goat.

always experimenting with new riffs and runs and adds them to the songs mid-performance and without any warning (just to piss neteyam off)

★ rotxo ──────── bass guitar

the glue and heart of the band frl.

the sweetest basist you'll ever meet.

his family actually owns a popular guitar shop in Awa'atlu, he first started playing the guitar at the ripe age of 5.

Bro is a prodigy but dosen't want to admit it.

aonung bought his first guitar at rotxo's family's shop, they hit it off ever since.

Always brings his baked goods to practices (then kiri devours the entire tray when you aren't looking)

actually fucked up his audition for the band but then Lo'ak found him sobbing in a janitors closet and gave him a second shot at an audition with just Lo'ak and Spider and he was able to redeem himself.

(really only auditioned cuz he played bass, they were finding a bassist, and not because kiri sully was their pianist)

is an introvert but he's so fucking funny that you wouldn't suspect it.

can perform riffs in his sleep (no he actually does though it freaks aonung out when he spends the night in his place.)

kiri made him a resin guitar pick with fragments of coral from the beach when they had their first date.

has a "maturing is realizing bass is the superior instrument" tshirt.

one time wore finger condoms so his scabs wouldn't re-open and bleed all over his guitar 😔

loves playing deftones on the bass.

has chronic "guitar face"

[captain-aralias]

giving birth

idk, i'm pretty sure some people wouldn't write a post about going into labour on tumblr, but it's a thing i wanted to write about, so - it's here if you want it! if you'd rather avoid, don't click the read more.

things normal people might want to know outside the cut:

baby is now 11 days old <3 things are generally going well. i sleep between about 11pm and 3am, and then again 8am to 10am

it's been hard to get enough brain together to write a post like this, reply to comments, read fic, etc, as many of my most cogent hours have been visitor hours or hanging out with my partner. the night shift is not a good time to do things that aren't watching TV. i've managed to Read Half a Book (daisy jones and the six - easy going, i like it)

i was going to cosplay him as baby simon snow left at the orphanage, but he looks nothing like simon (much more like baz - currently: grey eyes, reddish-gold skin, dark hair), and also i don't want to write on my baby :o

surprise fourth entry: we think the terrace house next door has been turned into a brothel ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ok - birth stuff after this. not too much gory detail, probs, but some.

the beginning part you already know!

waters broke on thursday 11th, just after i woke up. this was two days after the stitch was removed, and therefore almost certainly related, so hooray for stitch! kept the baby in until 37 weeks.

i'd been worried that i might not realise my waters had broken, as apparently this is totally possible. i am here to tell you - that YES, it is possible. i clocked what it probably was immediately, but also it wasn't a 4 cups of liquid is everywhere sort of deal, it was more like - about half a cup every hour or so. and so i thought - this is probably what is happening, but maybe it's not and i should have done more pelvic floor exercises.

went to hospital. got hooked up to the machine that monitors baby heartbeat and movement. nothing much happening, although heartbeat all ok. the midwife on duty was called 'merlyn' - true story.

she asked me to walk around for a bit and come back, so my partner and i walked to the costa coffee inside the hospital. i ordered one of the new 'bubble' drinks, because i thought - why not? it's sugary and cold, these are things that make babies move. the drink was...... not good. blueberry slushy with cream on top and bubbles that were a) too big to fit through the absolutely normal straw and b) apparently were a cross between blueberries and popping boba. i say apparently as i'd given up by then and my partner ate them.

anyway - this detail included just to show you how surreal and nothingy early labour was. we walked back, hooked back up to the machine. baby now kicking a bit, and merlyn asked me whether i just had a really high pain tolerance and therefore wasn't upset about the contractions. i said, 'i dont know - guess we're about to find out' 🤔

agreed i probably wasn't in labour yet, so i was sent home, but asked to come back at 4.30 for my pre-scheduled scan with the nice doctor who first realised my cervix was open, and who we've seen regularly since (because my partner rang to complain when we had no follow up, and because this doctor was the one who rang us back and then made sure we were seen afterwards. not brilliant work from NHS administrators).

was also told if i didn't go into labour before hand, to come back at 8.30am (24 hours after waters broken) to be induced. given leaflet about induction methods. key take away - could take up to 3 days. sounds terrible.

home for 2 hours, back to hospital for scan.

we were waiting around for about half an hour. shown in - doctor says, 'we've had some difficult patients today, sorry! but you should be easy'. my partner tells her my waters have broken - she's surprised! (but pleased) no one has managed to tell her or put it in any notes, which she just reviewed. again - great job. i do love you NHS, but what is going on? a student midwife is trying to scan me - and has had to deal with all these previous difficult cases. with little amniotic fluid left, her job is basically impossible. sorry :'(

but - waters breaking confirmed! honestly, until that point i was still not sure. doctor says, induction could be offered immediately, but we mostly don't do that as in almost all cases you go into labour before 24 hours. i said thank you again for spotting my cervix being open. weird to think we won't see her again!!

went home. watched the end of 'little dorrit' (overall - it's good. so many famous people. the ending is a bit all over the place, though). about 9pm started feeling period-pain type pain. figured: probably a contraction! definitely did not feel like i expected in that there was no real release. it was just - now you're having a painful period. i called maternity triage again to say there was blood in the water now, and they reminded me that was totally normal (mucus plug, i guess) and to come back when things were serious.

so - i went to sleep.

woke up at about 2am. contractions now serious business, but also still... not as serious as i'd expected. again: basically it felt like period pain, this time crossed with constipation. and then it would go away, and i'd feel totally normal again, which i was not expecting.

we'd been told to come in when the contractions were every 5 minutes for an hour. my contractions were coming about ever 2-3 minutes. after about 20 minutes, i told my partner that i wanted to go to the hospital now, even if we should really wait. this was the RIGHT decision.

i'm the only one who can drive our car. it was obviously not a good idea to drive the car. i called an uber. unfortunately the labour ward is on the other side of the hospital to the main entrance, and doesn't have an address you can give uber..... retrospectively i'd have done better just putting in the street, like i usually did, but i tried to use the labour ward post code. we ended up at the main entrance, which was shut.

erin (my partner) keeps telling people that the uber drive was annoyed i slammed the door of his car, but i honestly do not remember this. the drive was about 10 minutes, during which i alternated between feeling bad and feeling totally fine.

we didn't bother trying to direct the driver to the right part of the hospital, just got out. erin wanted to go and get a wheelchair, but i didn't want to just sit on the ground outside the hospital in the middle of the night while she did that, and i felt completely fine ... except when i didn't.

so we walked to the labour ward. it's about 5 minutes from the entrance. i sat on the floor when the contractions came. then walked again. cool times.

arrived at maternity triage. again, it felt like going there every other time we'd ever been there - my key take away is that most of being in labour was extremely underwhelming. pain was not great, to the extent that i was thinking 'i can see why people don't like labour, maybe this was a terrible idea', but i could still think things like that. they hooked me up to the same machine as they had in the morning, and this time it said - yes, definitely in labour (which i knew, but ho hum - it was doing its best!).

asked to confirm i was a low risk pregnancy. we were like - nope, don't think so. ivf, stitch, isnt that in the notes??

a midwife came over and was like - "WOW, you're 8cm dilated." (of the necessary 10cm) at which point they started to take everything a bit more seriously. but they also described a bunch of pain relief options - and i was like, whatever, give me whatever i can have. and then was told - oh no, you actually can't have pethadine, water birth, or epidural of these as you're too far along. (which i also knew, but then why offer?)

i'd sort of suspected this might be the case, given how my cervix tried to open at 21 weeks. so my birth plan was basically 'whatever'. v glad i hadn't had my heart set on anything in particular.

they wheeled me down the corridor to one of the birthing rooms. they wouldn't let me go to the toilet in case i had the baby in the toilet..... that's how quickly things were happening.

i managed to change into the hospital gown, then got onto the bed. 'this is such a comfortable bed' i told my partner, although later (post birth) i realised that it wasn't... but i appreciated it a lot at the time.

i WAS allowed gas and air, hurrah. i'm extremely keen on doing things that make my life easier, so i accepted, obvs. basically, you breathe in during the contractions, and breathe out of the mask normally when you're not contracting.

THIS made the whole experience very different from just 'intense period pain', in part probably because the pain was ramping up, but also because whenever i wasn't contracting i felt completely off my face from the gas. overall, i thought this was a decent pain relief option. i also liked how breathing in the gas gave me something to focus on while pain was happening and it was a clear signal to everyone else that it was happening.

i probably had about... 5 more before my body was like 'maybe time to push'. (it really did feel different/like an actual urge). midwife told me i couldn't have the gas and air anymore - boo - just focus on pushing when the urge came.

pushed...... but obviously it hurt, so even though they were like 'keep pushing!' i thought, i will just relax because that's less painful. (great job, brain.) but i only faked out twice.

they invited a doctor in, because i was bleeding, and baby's heartrate was dropping. i agreed to the episiotomy because even though i reeeally didn't want that, i obviously would do whatever to get the baby safe.

retrospectively, my partner and i think that probably i was bleeding because i'd just had the stitch out two days before and those wounds had opened. but neither of us thought of it at the time, and no one assisting with the birth had had time to read the notes. (this is a theme of the post, not to be too whingey - but it was a shame). but anyway, the cutting (boo) came with a side of local anaesthetic (HOORAY) so actually it felt like a very good decision at the time, even above baby's safety.

one more contraction, one more push - baby was born in one go.

he's premature-levels of small at 5lb 10oz (5th percentile), even though he's technically full term. this is why erin and i think the bleeding was from the stitch rather than the baby, although one of the midwives suggested perhaps he was holding his arm up next to his face and that made him seem bigger. the scan we got the day before estimated his weight as being more normal, but scans are super unreliable particularly late in pregnancy.

really a very easy birth, as far as i can tell. i had slept through a lot of the early stage. the fear of being at home at not with medical professionals was the worst bit (and we fixed that by just going in even when we weren't sure) and as soon as it was over, i felt immediately fine. the whole thing had taken 2 hours tops. baby born at 4.30am.

i thought i'd cry when they gave me the baby, but actually i was too surprised that he was actually there and alive. (my partner cried.) the umblical cord looks creepy and alien. we'd agreed a medical professional should cut the cord, rather than erin (who wants to do this? they just want dads to feel involved). i got to hold him baby while they gave me the shot to deliver the placenta. barely felt it.

then had to give baby to erin for 30 minutes while a fuck tonne of stitches were put in... the amount of sewing involved was definitely worrying. i'd assumed maybe like... two stitches, but... it was a lot. can't recommend (though could not feel it at the time.)

after that, we just got to hang out in the room. i showered, changed, they brought me (but not erin) some breakfast and lunch. they did tests on the baby, most of which he passed. didn't pass the hearing test but apparently this is normal, as lots of babies have fluid in their ears. we think he can hear as he has startled at loud noises since. all the clothes i'd brought were hilariously too big.

sent home about 12 hours after the birth. could have stayed if we'd wanted to, but definitely did not.

i felt totally fine the entire day of the birth, full of LOTS of adrenalin. second day was also ok. third day was my crash. i got a cold, which was NOT good for my pelvic floor (and which i still have, RIP). my stitches hurt, the sleep debt had kicked in and i was hobbling everywhere, and breastfeeding wasn't going well. before the birth i'd been very much of the opinion that i'd breastfeed if it was easy, but i found it kind of weird and knew the health benefits were exaggerated. (but not completely, obviously). deep in my hormones, i was not able to hold onto this previously rational view. instead, i was thinking - i have no connection to my baby anymore.

i also cried at the song 'making a man' from the musical operation mincemeat (which is NOT an emotional song - but is about someone with the same name as my baby, who i'd just made), the beginning of the movie 'in the heights' (it was just so good!), the ending of the movie 'pride', and i cried again while describing what had happened at the end of 'pride' and how i'd cried.....

bought several breast pumps, fed the baby formula, took a day off from trying to breastfeed, things pretty much fixed for me (except for the crying at movies) by day 5. going to continue with combination feeding (i.e. breastmilk+formula) though, because it just seems insane to have to wake up every time the baby is hungry. what am i, a sadist? and when people are over - how good not to have to get your breasts out... thank you makers of formula.

ANYWAY. we're now on day 11. feels like baby is pretty easy going for a baby, he only cries when he needs something - which i appreciate, as it helps me keep him alive \o/ he will sleep in his basket, but only if he's already asleep. he prefers to be held. he can sleep for 3 hours at a time, but only during the day - at night you're lucky to get 1 hour, and he has been awake for about 2 hours at a time, unlike about 15 minutes average in the day. he smells nice, he wasn't cute-cute when he first came out, but he is getting extremely cute now and i think he looks more like my partner than an unknown donor (although still all to play for, i think). because he's still super small and almost pre-term, his legs and arms are still all curled up like he's in the womb, even though he's been out 11 days. but he's gradually uncurling them and stretching out.

i like holding him. he makes funny faces. he has a LOT of hair - which means the heartburn was right about that one. (n.b. heartburn is linked to hair, this is an old wives tale that is now scientifically proven) think it's going well, overall <3

n.b. i had to pause at this point because baby woke up. what they say about baby boys peeing on you while you change their nappies is 100% accu-rat, but it's quite funny really. we haven't worked out how to stop it because putting a cloth over him makes him hold it in..... and then you remove the cloth....... fine comedy in action.

my bump was very small, so i was able to put my pre-pregnancy jeans back on after only a few days. hooray, i love jeans.

uterine contractions started about day 6 (this is a thing i feel i did not know about before being pregnant myself. 7 days worth of contractions post baby to bring your uterus back in line). wow, it's like MORE PERIOD PAIN. great. there's less blood than i expected, though. i also can't control my temperature well at night - so i'm super hot while asleep, then get out of bed and start shivvering. apparently this is what the menopause will be like. looking forward to that 😅

not much else to add except the brothel stuff. basically 2 nights ago, someone knocked on my front door at 4.30 (same time baby was born!) in the morning as i was sitting up with baby. rang the doorbell, walked round to peer through the window, and then knocked again. i would not have answered - just wanted him to go away, but erin came down and opened the door, which was (it turns out) the right thing to do, but i was not happy about it - as we live in a semi-dodgy neighbourhood, although i've always felt relatively safe as we're off the highstreet and there are often people outside the pub until 1-2am, which is annoying but also feels like they'd see and stop anything bad.

i was running through scenarios like 'and then he breaks in' or 'and then he stabs whoever opened the door' in my mind. instead he just said something like - 'do you know where the whorehouse is?' and erin said 'wtf, it's 3am' and closed the door.

this could have just been a random incident, and indeed i didn't hear him say 'whorehouse' so i thought it was just a drunk guy asking for directions. but once she told me what he'd said, we then realised that the house next door to us... probably is a brothel. it's been renovated by our ex-neighbours and rented out, all the windows are blacked out, including the skylight we can see out of our windows. there's a complex doorbell system, they refuse to take our packages in, they don't have any bins out the front (which is presumably because no one is using the house as a house), and we've definitely heard people having sex through the walls. though erin thinks they've put up sound insulation just in time to not have to hear the baby crying in retaliation.

she's american and leftie and very against cops, so i'm trying not to be a karen about it. i have not reported it to the police, but i have said to erin already that if anything else happens that makes me feel unsafe...... i probably will. the man knocking on the door makes me not want to be awake with the baby in the night, even though nothing happened. (he broke the first rule of secret brothel - you DONT talk about secret brothel). we don't have our ex-neighbours details, so reporting is all we could do. apart from i guess ask them to move.... (won't be doing that, obvs. confrontation? no thanks.)

hopefully it's fine, and they will just move on at some point. VERY weird, though. and not what i need while hopped up on hormones.

glad to have written this post! feels like a good turning point in baby land, being able to write some words even if it's just this stream of consciousness. i also logged back into work Teams to send some pictures. since he was born, have been out with baby to the midwife (in the car), marks and spencers (in the car with pram), boots (in the pram), and today to a hipster coffee shop (in car, baby slept in pram bassinet). might reply to some comments tomorrow. working back up to actually writing some fic or finishing my lego.

also - it's (almost) hitting me that i have 9 months off work. apart from the sleep, i feel like i could go back to work now.... but i WANT the time off. but usually i only take 2 weeks off, and i've done that now... so it's time to go back to work...

i did read a bunch of other messages on Teams/Slack when i was posting the pictures. v hard not to care. even with something much more important to do.

ok - going to eat some food, now. thank you to anyone who read this far! hope it was interesting as well as long.

not tagging this pregnancy as i was doing it so people could block the tag, but people who don't know me literally found my posts and read them. and ... that's not what this is for.

[evadwrites]

i need somebody to write a daisy jones & the six narlily au.

because THE POTENTIAL. just imagine. narcissa is a lead singer of a band called the wicked sisters with bella and andy, their mother is their manager/producer. up until bella’s finally had enough and so she fires druella’s abusive narcissistic ass and hires sirius instead. and sirius goes like “hey, i have someone in mind who can bring a lot of cool energy to your band and make you a sensation” and narcissa is like “is that another one of your dumb ideas, sirius?” and he’s like “very funny, cissa, but no, not this time. her name is lily”. and the name is familiar to narcissa, so when she asks who that lily is, things click into place when sirius explains that she’s his best friend’s wife. because of course the insufferable lily evans would be some sort of musical prodigy with one in a million voice and a songwriting talent to die AND kill for.

narcissa objects, but andy and bella trust sirius, and so they bring lily on. and suddenly lily is a worldwide sensation, and the band has turned into lily evans & the wicked sisters, and narcissa and lily are forced to work together so much—the two songwriters of the band. and sirius is absolutely delighted, because oh wow, his cousins’ band is a hit all over the world and he’s making tons of money, but he is watching cissa and lily and there’s a small chance that he might have fucked up his best friend’s marriage, oopsie.

“please, i’m down on my knees, i have a family” LILY is the one writing that line because she’s the married one, she has a son, she has harry and she has james, her picture-perfect family. only it’s narcissa who is making her burn, making her question every single choice she’s made so far and second-guess every part of her future.

it’s a story about addiction and eating disorders and growing up in abusive households, but most importantly, it’s story of a sisterly bond greater than others, of friendships formed, and of an affair never-quite-started, all in the midst of a chaotic trip to stardom.

LILY EVANS & THE WICKED SISTERS

now someone pls write this

*mic drop*

[thewritingofspencerrose]

An Interview with Charlotte Dunne

Daisy Jones and the Six

Author's Note: While I have made a concerted effort to remove myself from the narrative, I have included here a verbatim transcript of my conversions regarding Charlotte with Daisy Jones, Charlotte Dunne, and Billy Dunne, because I was, in fact, an active member of these recollections.

CHARLOTTE: So, where do you want me to start?

AUTHOR: Start with who you are, your connection to the band.

CHARLOTTE: My name is Charlotte Willow Dunne, although my mother calls me Charlie, and my connection to the band? Well, I'm the reason that Daisy Jones got sober in November of 1978. And I'm the reason that Camilla left Billy Dunne in July of 1979.

BILLY: Charlotte? I first learned about her after the show in Chicago.

DAISY: Charlie? Well, how honest do you want me to be?

AUTHOR: As honest as you want to be.

BILLY: I had just finished talking to Daisy. She- she had just told me how she was pregnant. And that it was mine. So I sat down at the bar and I ordered a tequila neat. And it arrived. And I sat there and I picked it up and swirled it around and I sniffed it. And then two women came up to me, and asked me to sign autographs for them. Said they'd never seen anything like Daisy and me. I signed two cocktail napkins and pretty soon after, they left.

DAISY: It was the middle of the night, after a show at the Chicago Stadium in July of '79, when I got back to the hotel. I don't remember what I'd been doing. I just remember that I was avoiding Billy. He knew at that point the only thing I had been hoping to keep from him. I think I probably walked around the city or something. I was still out of it when I got back to the lobby. And I turned right, to head for bar. I remember thinking I didn't even want to be conscious. But I must not have realized where I was going or what I was doing because I ended up walking straight into the elevator. I thought, All right, guess I'll watch tv and go to bed. But when I got to my room, I couldn't get my key in the door. I kept trying but I couldn't get it to fit. I think I was making a lot of noise. And then I heard a child's voice.

BILLY: I grabbed the glass - the tequila, I mean - I grabbed it again and I stared at it. And I thought about what it would taste like. Clean smoke. I was lost in it when the guy next to me went, "Hey, you're Billy Dunne, aren't you?" And I put it down.

DAISY: I was stuck out there, in the hallway. Unable to get into my room. And I slumped down on the ground and I started crying. I looked down the hall and I realized it was... well... out into the hallway comes Camila and she's holding you...

AUTHOR: I remember this. You were in a white dress, I could see your baby bump.

DAISY: You were about five or so, I think. So... you've got a good memory. Camila came into the hallway and she was holding you, and she said, "Do you need help?" I didn't understand why was being so nice. I said yes and she took my key and she let me into my room. And she walked in with me. She put Julia down on the bed. She told me to sit down and she brought me a glass of water. I said, "You can go. I'll be okay." And she said, "No, you won't." I remember feeling really relieved. That she could see through me. That she wasn't going to leave. She sat down next to me. And she didn't mince words. She knew exactly what was happening. Exactly what she wanted to say. I was... unnerved. I felt so out of control and Camila was so in control. She said, "Daisy, he loves you. You know that he loves you. I know that he loves you. But he's not going to leave me." Camila said, "But what I need you to know is that I'm going to leave him. I told him that when I he started loving you that would be where we ended. But then I wasn't going to give up on him, not until the baby." And I just remember thinking, there is no way that she knew the baby was Billy's. I had been married to Nikky long enough that she could have, should have thought it was his. But she knew better.

BILLY: I took a taste of it. Not even a sip, but a taste. It took everything I had not to gulp it down, not to throw it into the back of my throat. It tasted like comfort and freedom. That's how it gets you - what it feels like is the opposite of what it is. But my whole body went slack, from the relief of it being on the tip of my tongue.

DAISY: Camila got up and poured me another glass of water and she got me a tissue. Which is when I realized I was sobbing. Those damn hormones. She said, "Daisy, I don't know you very well, but I know you have a great heart and you're a good person. I know my daughter wants to grow up and be you one day, and I know that I want the twins and Julia to know their brother or sister." And I told her then. She was the first person I told other than Simone. I told her I was having a girl.

BILLY: The man next to me, he was watching me. He had a full beer in his glass and he was sipping it, like you sip something you're indifferent to. I glanced at him and then... I did it. I drank it. Maybe half of a finger or so. And then I held on to the glass. Like someone was going to try to steal it from me. I told myself to put down the glass. Just put it down.

DAISY: Camila looked at me for a moment. And I wanted to know what was going through her head. And then she gave me a soft smile, softer than I would have mustered in a situation like that and congratulated me. She said, "Julia, Susana and Maria will love having a new sister." And I could tell that she meant it. "But Daisy, you have to leave the band."

BILLY: I couldn't put it down. My hand held on to the glass. And I thought, I wish this man would take it out of my hands and throw it across the room."

DAISY: I was quiet for a while, trying to process what Camila had said. And then she said, "I think it's time for you to take time off for yourself, and the baby. You can't keep this life up and have her end up healthy. I want the best for both of you." And I finally said, "Why do you care about what happens to me? To my child?" And she said, "I think almost everybody on this planet cares about you. But I care about Billy, and I don't want his child or future being affected by any of this."

BILLY: The man looked at my hand and it seemed like he was looking at my wedding ring and he said, "Are you married?" I nodded, chuckling sadly. "For now," I had answered. He laughed and said his girlfriend would be crushed. "You got kids?" That caught my attention, caught me off guard, but I nodded again. "Three girls, and a baby on the way." And it had felt so abnormal to hear. One on the way. He said, "Got any pictures?" And I thought of the photos, in my wallet, of Julia and Susana and Maria, and of the baby on the way. And I put the glass down.

DAISY: Sometime in the early morning, Camila picked you up out of my bed, and she grabbed my hand. I grabbed her hand back. She said, "Good night, Daisy." And I said, "Good night, Camila. Thank you." It was as I opened the door that Billy was walking down the hallway, his eyes catching Camila and I.

BILLY: I saw them, Camila and Daisy, with you hanging from Camila's hip.

DAISY: Camila just looked at him and said, "We're getting a divorce, Billy. I told you this would happen when you fell in love with her, and that baby needs you around."

BILLY: I just nodded. I didn't want to fight her if that was what she wanted. I had already put her through enough. And so I just looked at Daisy.

DAISY: He just looked at me, and all the love I had thought I had seen behind his eyes to that day, was no longer behind his eyes, but front and center. And he was looking at me.

CHARLOTTE: At least, that's how Mom and Dad told it to me. Camila and Dad got divorced that month, and two weeks later Mom and Dad announced that not only were they an item, but that Mom was pregnant with Dad's baby.

WARREN: Finding out that Billy and Daisy had been together was a surprise to no one.

GRAHAM: I was happy for him, finally being able to be happy with the one big love of his life.

KAREN: I was just happy for Daisy. We had talked about her wanting to be a mother, get clean, and she was able to do both.

CHARLOTTE: I know, and have always known I was never planned. But I do know I was born to two amazing parents, who have remained clean since. They got married when I was three, and, well you know this part, but you, the twins and I were their flower girls. So yeah, that's my story.

Unknown to Charlotte, Billy Dunne and Daisy Dunne had come out to the patio where we were filming her interview and were leaning together against the wall behind her, smiles on both of their faces.

AUTHOR: Thanks Lottie.

CHARLOTTE: Anything for my favorite big sister, but don't tell the twins I said that.

Charlotte Dunne grew up in northern California with her mother, Daisy Dunne nee Jones and her father, Billy Dunne. Camilla Dunne moved with her daughters Julia, Susana, and Maria to North Carolina shortly after the divorce. Charlotte Dunne is currently a second year nursing student at the University of California, Berkley, while Billy and Daisy enjoy their retirement from their lives as rockstars.

[emeralddss]

Hello?

Life update!!

February was quite the month, I am not going to lie. I received some shocking (& soul shattering) news at the beginning of the month and it wouldn't be an understatement if I said that I went through the 5 stages of grief in that month.

Basically, I failed my math exam, again. Which I wasn't expecting. I am hesitant to say this, but I decided to hopefully try and move past my shame in this. All throughout my academic life, I was the brilliant A+ student, I was always ranked first on my class, I didn't even try that hard, it just came so naturally to me, I did struggle with a few topics in certain subjects every now and then of course, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle or get over with a little bit of extra studying. All of this was until I got into my senior year of high school, I had suddenly lost all of my motivation, I gave up after the littlest of obstacles, I was doing the bare minimum and even less than that. Suffice it to say, I ended up failing my math exam. I had a chance to retake it this January and I did, I actually worked really hard this time and I tried my best, but I failed once more.

It really hurt me. And I was having an identity crisis moment going on because I was always known for how smart I am, how good I am in school and suddenly I am now failing my exams. At first I was in so much denial but I am now trying to accept what happened and really forgive myself, for everything and hopefully move on.

I initially was planning to get into dental school, I've given a lot of thought about what I wanted to do and this just feels so right and I feel like it's really my calling, however cheesy that might sound, however, my chances of getting accepted into dentistry are slimmer due to having failed twice. And at first I was like fine, I guess it's not meant to be and I will just study something else, but I really want to push through, and don't want to give up on this, so it would probably take me a while and a lot of work to get into dentistry now, but I won't give up.

I've been giving myself time to just survive and so I've been reading a lot and trying to get my life in order. I read 4 books in February :

Sense & Sensibility 3.5/5

The Queen of The Tearling 3.5/5

The Invasion of The Tearling 2/5

The Fate of The Tearling 2/5

And yesterday I finally finished War & Peace and man was that a ride! I also started rereading one of my all time favorites in March, Daisy Jones & The Six, and I finished it today!

And I also watched the first 3 episodes of the adaptation and I still don't know how I feel about it.

The highlight of my month was definitely going on a picnic to celebrate one of my friend's birthday!

If you've read this far, thank you so much for listening to me! And in case anyone who's reading this is going through something similar, it's ok to fail, it's ok to not have everything under control at all times, it doesn't make you less of who you are. You've got this! And hopefully, everything will turn out for the best!

[definitionsfading]

I don’t know if my fatal flaw is that I want too much out of life, if I'm expecting too much artistry in the media I consume, but I cut corners in SO many areas of my life both financially and materialistically, so I guess art is a crutch I lean pretty heavily on. that being said: everything I've watched/listened to lately has been a HUGE letdown. some of the things I’ve tried to expose myself to I have borderline hated lmao. why??? WHY does it have to be this way? 

the new matchbox twenty album dropped yesterday; I have been waiting on this for months since I heard about it coming down the pipe. I listened to every single song on the record, chronologically, and felt entirely lukewarm about it. there is no magic left in their production. it’s toothless, forgettable, middle of the road pop music. the anger and the edge and the grit from the rock-riff stuff they were putting out in the 90s and very early 00s is gone. the intention and the underlying feeling is gone.

same thing with daisy jones and the six on amazon prime; disappointed. annoyed and left baffled. everything felt so cardboard and hollow, and at times, disrespectful to the MUSICIANS WHO ARE STILL ALIVE that the story line is clearly based upon (fleetwood mac). 

I could bore you and list off the books and other things that have let me down and left me hungry, but I’m not going to waste our time. it’s just like...everybody else is eating this shit up, singing its praises, and I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about?

it’s like nothing has a spirit in it anymore. everything contemporary (in the last 2-3 years) is made to be consumed and isn’t being crafted with real, genuine, time and love. they’ve drained it all to be bloodless and made it look like it’s alive on the outside, but it isn’t. it’s a false door that leads to nowhere. 

the only things that have grabbed me over the past six months, and genuinely moved me creatively, were bullet train and ‘the bedlam stacks’ by natasha pulley. and the ONLY reason bullet train really took me where I needed to go was because of the chemistry aaron taylor johnson and brian tyree henry brought to the screen together. without them and what they made through their unique rapport the film wouldn’t have been the same or had the same cult-classic sort of lasting power. period. 

I kinda just lurk around in a constant state of starvation. the same applies to fanfiction; 85% of what is being made isn’t something I’d want to eat, I have to pick everything apart with my fork and knife until there’s nothing but shreds left and most of it wasn’t edible. I really want to enjoy stuff, and I’ve tried to open my mind some to new things, but nobody digs as deep as I want them to. nobody goes the distance, you know? it’s so rare to find somebody who sees with me at eye level on the same things. 

I really hope good omens S2 brings some inspired creatives out of the woodwork who can really claw back the surface layer and show me something raw and beautiful. I know they can do it! it’s just so rare that people seem able to evoke that kind of vulnerability anymore, at least in spaces where it’s visible to me. perhaps I haven’t figured out how to Look yet, though I desperately try. 

[literaryspinster]

About the blogger meme ❤️

Thanks for tagging me @ambelle!

Star Sign: Virgo

Favorite Holiday: I’m a Christmas girlie for life! Halloween is a close second.

Last Meal: Breakfast sandwich (I need to eat again, I know, it’s been a day)

Current Favorite Musicians: Rina Sawayama, SiR, Arlo Parks, Kali Uchis, Beyoncé, Japanese Breakfast

Last Music Listened To: Been on a Hamilton kick (I know it’s problematic I’m sorry but I love it 😭)

Last Movie watched: Godzilla Minus One (great film!)

Last TV show: Titans, Arcane, Rap Sh!t, Gen V, The Bear, Daisy Jones and the Six, A League Of Their Own, Fall of the House of Usher (all really enjoyable)

Last Book Finished: Watching You by Lisa Jewell (a very well-done thriller with an epilogue that left me speechless)

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: Forever Yours, Iris West (sorry y’all, I really tried. But if it helps it would have had a happy ending, also Wally was the one who sent the letters, but if you’re familiar with To All The Boys I’ve loved before you should already know this as he was the Kitty stand-in)

Last Thing Researched for Art: Not sure but probably something to do with shading.

Favorite Online Fandom Moments: When my first ever Westallen fic went semi viral. People still talk about it and it’s very flattering.

Favorite Old Fandom I wish Had A Resurgence: Not sure how to answer this. I guess the first year as part of the Titans fandom was pretty dope (aside from the annoying comments about Starfire).

Favorite Thing That You Enjoy: decorating cakes, reading, sewing, writing when I don’t have writer’s block, watching movies and shows and getting way too into them, and most recently drawing

Tempting Project You Don’t Have Time To Finish: I think I can make time for just about anything, it’s motivation that I lack.

tagging: @tarotofbadkitties @neshatriumphs @anakinskywalkerisfave @stefanotis @blackfemmecharacterdependency @eddawrites @thisislostinlace @bratzdoll05

[purplebass]

what do you think of the finale of daisy jones?

Hi anon! I've just finished watching and I have some thoughts... I really liked the first episodes but I thought that the last two were really slow and they changed things that imo worked fine the way they were in the book. The ending after we know what everyone did and we finally discover that the interviewer is Julia and she shows Daisy and Billy Camila's last message, made me cry. It was an emotional moment and that, at least, seemed very faithful to the book. And I liked that they showed us Daisy and Billy actually meeting because we're left to guess at the end of the book. This is an addition that I don't mind.

But, back to what I think didn't work out:

I think the moment where things started getting mmmh to me was post Daisy OD, which in the book I think happened in another place? And it's a wake-up call for Daisy. Don't get me wrong, I loved the moment on the show and how it was done.

Then the Chicago concert. I remember that in the book we see that after the concert it's Camila who takes care of Daisy and talks to her to make her understand that if she keeps sabotaging herself like this, she's not going to make it and moreover, she's going to take Billy down with her if she keeps this up and she then asks Daisy to leave. In spite of everything, Camila loved both Billy and Daisy and acknowledged their attraction but at the same time she was an eye-opener for both on why they couldn't be together. And it wasn't just because he was married to her. Billy and Daisy were toxic for each other and even if they clearly loved each other differently from how Camila&Billy loved each other, their story would end in tragedy and they realize it when they sing Honeycomb and cry (because that song is both about them and about C/B). They could "make a good thing bad". Because even Daisy and Billy are aware that if they give their relationship a chance, they're going to destroy each other. That's why them singing Honeycomb is even sadder but also beautifully poignant in that story. It's the moment where all the members of The Six hit rock bottom and face the truth and secrets come out and that's a life-changing moment for everyone.

And in the show they turned everything into a cliché! Damn. While I think they did Karen/Graham good and were faithful to the book, the whole triangle resolution was a mess. Camila confronted Billy and Daisy about the things she saw and heard, which is good because unlike most of the characters on the show, she's willing to communicate and talk about their issues. But that, added with the fact that they also implied several times that Camila herself betrayed Billy with Eddie (which doesn't happen in the books even though we know that Eddie likes Camila but she's never once unfaithful to Billy). And Billy even knows that and he's willing to forgive her, which is again, not something everyone would do, but only after Daisy rejects him and makes him understand that's the thing he has to do??? Like, come on. They turned the heartbreaking Honeycomb moment into a flat, seen-a-million times overused Hollywood flick movie moment with Billy running to stop Camila from leaving. When, like I said above, that moment was special and powerful because of something else. I know they wanted to make little changes so that it would work on screen, but it felt boring to me, plot-wise. They also added the moment with the fan offering Billy a drink and Billy relapsing later than it happened for emphasis.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still glad they made this show because it wasn't bad and I loved the chemistry between Riley and Sam. But if It were me, I would've stopped at 8 episodes and avoided most of the mess of filler moments that dragged the story and sitcom worthy writing they showed us in ep 9 and most of ep 10. But I really loved the last ten minutes of ep. 10, so there's that.

[angstyandromanticwriting]

‘Louisiana Rose’ (an OC) X Fem!Reader Cute, Angsty and somewhat Fluffy Prompt

• Louisiana Rose’s face-claim is Margot Robbie’s role in Babylon - Nellie Laroy

• Inspired partly by Daisy Jones & the Six + there will be further parts following on from the official end of this one

!TW: Hint of jealousy + anxiety + separation anxiety, doubt + hint of self-doubt, mention of there being disagreement in terms of characters being in a same-sex relationship, implied suffering from depression, self-put down(s), mention of previously being insulted and treated poorly, drugs (ecstasy) + drug-taking, mention of overdosing + the possibility of overdosing, mention of previously trying to commit suicide, being unconscious, swearing, overdosing + implied previous overdosing experiences, mention of throwing up, mild hickey giving, suicidal attempts + intentions + consideration, wanting to die, mention of having nightmares, presence of cigarettes + smoking, mention of blood, mention of alcohol + gun + attempted murder - If I’ve missed any let me know ❤️!

“What do you think you’re doing, storming off like that just before we finished the first half of the set?” Rose questioned, and you would grunt, before turning to face her, and leaning your bass guitar against the wall beside one of the chairs; you’d thought that she might already know why you would have caused such a scene like you had, less than a minute ago, now. “You’re gonna make them hate us-”

“I don’t care if they hate us,” you uttered, “how do you think I feel, having to watch you and Joel getting all like-.. I don’t know.. so - close, l-like we used to be? You don’t even look at me whilst we’re on stage together, anymore. It’s - It’s like you just-.. don’t-.. feel anything for me, anymore, o-or like you’re ashamed of us, because of what everyone else thinks o-or says..”

Rose would be surprised; she didn’t think you’d ever felt that way, before, and couldn’t believe you thought she could ever feel ashamed of your and her secret relationship, behind the band’s, and the media’s backs - at this time, it wasn’t exactly widely accepted to be in a same-sex relationship, like you both were with each other. “But I’m not ashamed of us,” she contradicted, before attempting to hold both of your trembling hands in her’s, but you would hesitantly move away, before she could, not sure what to think, anymore; you were sick of having to try and hide how you felt for her, all the time, especially when you both didn’t exactly get that much time together alone, and away from the others, “Y/n, I told you-”

“I know,” you murmured, whilst beginning to feel guilty for moving away like you had, upon noticing the hurt look on her face as a result of you previously doing so, “you’re just - trying to keep the band going, I get it, it just-.. hurts sometimes, I guess, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have stormed off like that..”

“N-No, don’t apologise,” she replied, and you would then let her ease you into a hug, prompting you to return it, though you felt as if you didn’t even deserve to touch her anymore; she was everything better than you could ever be, and you believed she deserved better than a supposed nobody like you, “I should be the one apologising to you-”

“Don’t,” you whined, before burying your face into the crook of her neck, “you did nothing wrong, I’m - I’m just being stupid.”

“Nothing that you do is stupid,” she claimed, wishing you’d stop putting yourself down like that all the time, but you knew you never would, whenever you were reminded of how, and made to feel as if you weren’t normal - a freak, even, sometimes, to those, other than Rose, who had known you, before, “don’t - don’t ever say stuff like that about yourself, because none of it is true - you’re perfect, Y/n, and honestly the most amazing and smartest person that I’ve ever met.”

“You-.. really think so?” You mused, your voice briefly trembling whilst you did, and she would nod quickly, certain of herself, and you would find yourself melting further into her embrace, whilst subconsciously clinging to her red dress, and she would manage a weak smile, though she still felt guilty over how she was having to hide how she felt for you from the others, and having to seem as if she were closer to Joel than she was, to you, and Suki, the band’s guitarist.

“I know so,” she added, “and don’t ever worry about me and Joel, because I’m never gonna let anything separate us, ever - it’s just an act, and that’s all it ever will be, I promise; I love you, Y/n, n-never forget that, and I always will, no matter what.”

“I always will, too,” you returned, before connecting your forehead to her’s subconsciously, whilst you both began to cling to one another again, as if you were on the verge of losing each other, somehow, and were terrified that you might.

You would both then falter, hearing footsteps approaching, before she pulled away, resulting in you both feeling empty, again, but she didn’t want you to get into trouble, or the band to split up, somehow, if the others found out about you both. “You gonna go back out there, or what?” Rod - the band’s manager - inquired, and Rose would begrudgingly nod, before he walked out again, and she would smile sadly over at you, prompting you to return the smile, before you shyly held both of her hands in your’s.

“I wish we’d have more time,” you expressed, and Rose would nod gravely, a pained expression on her face, before she eased you closer to her to embrace you again, and you would do the same, when you felt able, whilst finding small tears beginning to invade the corners of your vision; you just wished things didn’t have to be so different like they were for you both, and other people like you, and her,

“We will, at some point,” she replied, “I’m sure we will, especially whilst we’re travelling around the place, and finding more hotels to stay at. We’ll get to have the crazy nights we used to, I promise we will, a-and the others won’t ever find out about them, so we’ll be fine to try and spend more time together, without them suspecting us, at all.”

“I hope so,” you corroborated, “I - I guess we should..”

“Y-Yeah,” she agreed, before reluctantly releasing you from her hold, and you would begin to feel empty again, especially when you knew you’d have to try and hide your feelings for her again, and have to watch her and Joel being all playful and close together, like how she’d been with you, before you’d both begun to start secretly going out with one another, “let’s-.. let’s go, before the others start wondering where we are.”

“S-See you there,” you replied, and she would smile warmly back at you, before dragging herself back out onto the stage, prompting the audience to cheer, and some of them to whistle, whilst Joel began to subconsciously watch almost every single one of her moves, but you would try to ignore it, remembering what she’d told you, before, and forcing a smile, before you picked up your bass guitar again, and forced yourself to stride out confidently, and Rose couldn’t help, but smile lovingly over at you, her eyes glinting whilst she did, and you would return the smile, whilst your heart began to race again, and Joel would skeptically look between you both, before he began to play the opening melody of the most recent song the band had decided to release: ‘All I want’, and you found you couldn’t help, but occasionally watch Rose and Joel together again, and noticed the way they sometimes looked at each other, prompting you to begin to worry again, even after she’d told you that he meant nothing to her, but you would try and stop overthinking it, forcing yourself, instead, to focus on your bass part alongside them, and they wouldn’t notice you’d almost messed up the timing, whilst doing so, as you were focussed solely on them, and the ache you were beginning to feel in your chest again.

🜚

After the concert, you had both decided to celebrate by crushing up some Ecstasy pills into powder which you both took turns to take together, whilst giggling at each other’s attempts to do so, before you both found yourselves dancing to nothing in particular, and then curled up in bed together comfortably in one another’s hold. “Hey,” Rose spoke up, after you’d both finally managed to catch your breath, and to curb your fits of laughter, “I - I just wanted to say, because-.. I know I don’t say this enough, but - I love you,” she expressed, and your eyes would begin to glint and widen a little, whilst your heart began to race, and your brain began to plague you with thoughts of why she was so good to you, all the time, when you believed she shouldn’t be, “remember that.”

“That’s good,” you replied, before shuffling even closer to her so you could wrap your arms around her waist, “b-because.. I love you, too, and I always will, I promise.” She would then smile lovingly over at you, before she began to lean forward to connect her lips to your’s again delicately, but the kiss soon began to deepen again, and you would both giggle when she made a clumsy attempt to straddle you beneath her once more whilst she kissed you lovingly, as well as passionately.

🜸🜚🜸

Although she’d promised you that there was nothing going on between her and Joel, you still found yourself anxious about them, especially whenever you noticed that they were getting even closer together. One time, whilst you were performing one of the songs you had proposed - ‘Anti Everything’ - a song about doubt and being in love with someone who the singer believed could never feel the same way for them (you’d obviously written it about you and Rose), you often found yourself looking over in Rose’s direction to find that she was partially singing it to both Joel and the audience, and you wouldn’t know what to do, feeling empty all of a sudden. Before the media had started becoming suspicious of you both, it was you that she often sang the song to, and she’d never have even glanced in Joel’s direction, before then, and you scowled upon remembering that it was all the press’ fault for what was going on; for you gradually and even more excruciatingly beginning to lose Rose, because it felt like you were, and it was painful. You would falter - especially - after Rose had finished singing alongside his keyboard melodies, when you noticed him smirking up at her, and her then leaning down to kiss him, but she - unbeknownst to you - hated every second of it, but she knew she’d have to try and distract the press from their suspected secret relationship accusations in terms of how you both used to publicly act together, before, whilst you found you could no longer play anymore; your heart had begun to ache excruciatingly, as if it were breaking, and you suddenly felt numb all of a sudden, as if you’d lost everything, in that moment. You hadn’t even noticed the tears in your eyes, until they began to slowly slide down your cheeks tauntingly. “Guess you can start calling us the star-crossed lovers, now,” Rose remarked to the audience, trying not to look over at you, though she desperately wanted to try and lock eyes with you, and try to reassure you that she didn’t feel anything for him again; that she never could, and would always only ever love you, no matter what. You would then nod gravely, before finding yourself downing your bass guitar gingerly, before you stormed off of the stage again; you couldn’t take it anymore, and hated yourself for who you were because you found you could only blame yourself, and who you were, evidently assuming that she must have just been bored of you, now, and looking for someone better than you.

Whilst you found yourself having these thoughts, you began to crush up more of the ecstasy which had been left behind, before you took the lot, not caring what it meant for you, or if you’d overdose, somehow, after consuming more of it than you usually would whenever you and Rose were having it, together.

After you’d stormed off of the stage again, Rose found herself struggling to think about anything, but you, and began to feel even worse for what had happened, whilst wishing she’d never kissed him, like that, but she wasn’t sure how else she should act to try and get the press off of your and her back. “Hey,” Suki spoke up quietly, and Rose would look over at her, after finding herself staring after the direction you’d gone in for a moment longer, and silently longing - begging, for you to come back, “want me to go and check on her?”

“She’ll..” Rose would hesitate, not sure if she should be so quick to dismiss, after she’d reminded herself of the time you’d tried to take your life quite gruesomely, a little while ago, before you’d both arrived back at your hometown, but she was also worried about what the press might say, if Suki went after you to check on you, “she’ll be fine - I’m sure.”

“It’s all those damn things she’s on,” Joel remarked, and Rose would subconsciously grimace, “she’s been an addict since day one-”

“She’s not an addict,” Rose contradicted, before moving away from him and forcing a smile over at the audience, and the group would awkwardly perform the last song - ‘Human Nature’ - one you’d both written together after you’d started seeing each other without the others knowing, detailing how you’d both been given hope by meeting each other, and about how you were both afraid of what might happen if you lost one another, somehow, when you felt as if you couldn’t live without one another. After she’d announced the song as brightly as she could, she looked back at the others, begrudgingly nodding, and thinking to herself: ‘this is for you, Y/n’, before the song began, and she hoped you could hear it, but you were already too drugged up to notice anything around you, and would soon fall unconscious, just as they began to play the song.

🜚

After the others had gone to bed, and she’d had to come up with an excuse as to why she couldn’t join Joel in his, she snuck out of her room, and rushed down the hall to your’s, before gently knocking on the door, but it wouldn’t open, and she couldn’t hear anything on the other side, prompting her to begin to panic, before she knocked again, more desperately this time, but the door still wouldn’t open, and she still couldn’t hear anything. “Shit,” Rose whispered, whilst she began to assume the worst, before looking around, not sure what to do for a moment, until she remembered you’d given her the spare key not too long ago, and she would rush back to her room to retrieve it, before attempting to open your door, and just as she was about to give up and find someone to open the door for her, it unlocked, and she would hastily open it, and falter as soon as she saw you curled up in the corner of the room, looking as if you weren’t breathing, and appeared quite limp. “No-!” She cried, whilst her heart felt as if it were sinking, before she rushed over to you and let herself fall to her knees beside you so she could cradle you close to her, fighting back tears whilst she did. “Y/n, please,” she begged shakily, but you wouldn’t react, at all, terrifying her, as well as making her feel numb all of a sudden, as if she had nothing left within her anymore, “t-talk to me, just say something, anything!”

You would then gradually begin to stir in her arms, but were evidently disoriented, after you’d had a vivid and painful vision of the possibility that you might lose her; a vision of her telling you she didn’t want you anymore, like you’d been terrified that she would. “Rose,” you mustered feebly, whilst tears began to cloud your vision, and would soon manage to escape your eyes, before slowly running down your cheeks, but she would delicately brush them away with her right thumb, whilst her right hand was rested upon your cheek affectionately, “you’re here..”

“Of course I am,” she cooed, “where else would I be, if not by your side?”

You would scoff, and she would falter, a pained expression on her face whilst she did; she knew you must be thinking about her and Joel again. “By Joel’s?” You answered, and she would shake her head, a hurt look on her face whilst she did; she couldn’t believe you thought she’d choose his side, over your’s, especially whilst you were in the state you currently were in. “Did you really mean that, Rosanna?” You continued, and she would tilt her head partially, a puzzled expression on her face, whilst her eyes conveyed only the love and concern she was currently holding for you. “You don’t love me?” You clarified, and she would realise, before shaking her head quickly, wondering where you’d gotten that idea. “Then why did you ignore me, back there?” You questioned, and Rose would frown again, whilst beginning to feel guilty for not even looking over at you, or going after you after you’d stormed off of the stage again, especially when she knew, now, that she would have been able to stop you from almost overdosing on her again, and that she could have lost you, if she hadn’t found you.

“Y/n-”

“You just-..” You continued dejectedly, whilst you recalled how she had kissed him the way she had, and hadn’t even glanced over at you at all for the entirety of the gig. “You threw me away, like I was just some - some piece of - discardable trash,” you murmured, and she would nod gravely, before looking away from you, and finding herself fighting back tears again, alongside you; she hated herself for hurting you the way she had been, recently, but you found you couldn’t blame her for supposedly not wanting you anymore, when you believed yourself to be nothing, compared to her, and started to believe, again, that she deserved better than you - so much better than you, breaking your heart all over again, and her’s, unbeknownst to you, but she would try to hide it from you, not wanting to upset you any further by managing to keep up her usual stable composure.

“You don’t understand, Y/n,” she whined, “I had to; I had no choice-”

“Bullshit,” you strained out, “we do have choices, Rose; we could go on with our lives like the press doesn’t influence them in whatever shape or form, a-and we could be happy, together, or you could give up on us completely, and - I don’t know about you, but - I can’t think of anything else I’d be, but miserable, if I ever lost you, a-and I don’t want that, but-.. I guess.. if you don’t want me anymore..”

“Stop,” she managed shakily, before leaning down a little so her lips were inches from your’s, and forehead was affectionately connected to your’s; she just wanted a way to try and make you happy again, and a way to prove to you that you would never lose her to Joel, “Y/n, there will never be a time where I wake up, and think that I don’t want to be by your side anymore, nor will I ever think that I’d rather be on Joel’s, b-because I love you, more than anything, and I always will, I promise, no matter what the press throws at us, next.”

You couldn’t hold it back anymore as you began to cry, and she would delicately connect her lips to your’s, whilst stroking your hair with her still shaky right hand to try and provide as much comfort to you as she could. “I love you so much,” you expressed in a shaky whisper, and she would smile lovingly down at you, prompting your heart to begin to somehow race even faster, “p-promise me you’ll never leave me - I’ll try and get better for you, I swear, I - I just - I need a little time to try-”

“Take as much time as you need,” she cooed, “just-.. Make sure I don’t lose you, either, because I promise you’ll never lose me.”

You would then manage to lift your right hand up to her left cheek, and she would subconsciously melt into your touch. “You-.. You won’t lose me, either, I promise,” you tried to reassure her, “I won’t take as much anymore, I know I can do that..”

“Good,” she corroborated, and you would start leaning heavily against her, evidently exhausted, and she would smile sadly down at you, “wanna cuddle up in bed with me?”

“I’d - I’d love to,” you answered, and she would beam down at you, before carefully picking you up off of the ground, and carrying you into your bedroom so you could both cuddle up together, and try and fall asleep in one another’s hold whilst fighting off the cold, but you found you wouldn’t be able to get any sleep until at least five in the morning; you’d spent most of the night violently shaking in her arms, or throwing up, but Rose surprisingly didn’t mind, happy to just be by your side, and trying to make sure that you were okay, and - eventually - were asleep, at which point she would hesitantly try and go to sleep, herself, though she didn’t want to, just in case you were to wake up again and need her to help you into the bathroom again, or need her to provide comfort to you, and she would manage to drift into a staggered sleep, before morning came much too soon, and you would both have to act as if you didn’t feel anything whatsoever for each other again.

🜸🜚🜸

“You’re up early,” you remarked brightly, after you’d entered the special room the hotel had set up for the group, and Rose would seem to light up as soon as she’d noticed you, before she got up to throw her arms around you, and you would return the hug, whilst smiling into the crook of her neck, “and - and look-.. amazing, like you always do - I just wish we could be alone for longer, s-so we could.. y-y’know.”

She would appear flustered, for a moment, and subconsciously roll her eyes a little when she felt you delicately nibbling at the left side of her neck, but she would then remember that the others could walk in on you both at any moment, and she would begin to panic, the thought prompting her to hold you at arm’s length after you’d managed to leave a small, but barely visible mark on her neck, and you would frown, worried that you had maybe hurt her, since her action had been so sudden. “Someone might come in, and see us, Y/n-”

You would appear disappointed once you realised why she had moved you away, and would quickly shake your head, whilst silently wishing things could be different for you both; that people would stop seeing same-sex couples to be strange, and freakish, like they did at the time. “I don’t care if they see us,” you whined, “it’s not like there’s anything wrong with us being in love with each other-”

“I know,” she cooed, “it’s just-” You would timidly inch closer, and she would have to move away from you, this time, prompting you to falter, and your heart to sink again. “Stop, we - we just can’t, right now, okay? Is that any better? Just.. Just wait until.. later,” she added hastily, not wanting you to worry that she didn’t love you anymore, like you sometimes did, especially when you were using, like you evidently had been, before getting out of bed.

“But you’ll probably be with Joel later-”

“I hope she will.” You would both falter when you heard Joel’s voice behind you, and you would subconsciously grimace, before moving aside so he could try and steal her from you, and she would hesitantly let him kiss her, though she hated how it felt, and was worried it might upset you again if you saw, which you most definitely did, and began to feel numb and empty all over again, and tried to think of something you could say to try and escape the room, and escape having to watch them, and feeling your heart breaking again, like it always did - you found - whenever you saw them together. “Sorry, bassy, did I maybe walk in on somethin’?” Joel inquired, before smirking over at you, and you would have to fight back a scowl, before bowing your head again, and appearing both agitated and crestfallen, at the same time, and Rose would frown when she noticed; she hated seeing you upset, like you evidently were, and would vow to try and make it up to you, later.

“Only a conversation you decided to rudely interrupt,” you uttered, before subconsciously locking eyes with Rose, and finding you couldn’t speak for a moment as you began to stammer, and Rose would smile encouragingly over at you, prompting your heart to skip a beat, before you smiled back, and managed to continue, after you’d brought yourself to pry your gaze from her’s, no matter how much you wanted only to get lost in her eyes, “I’m gonna - go and wake Rod and the others up, don’t - don’t want ‘em being late for practice, do we?”

Joel would snort, prompting Rose to sneakily shoot a glare over at him. “Since when did you start caring about attendance?” He questioned, and you would grunt, before doing the middle finger over at him, and walking out, after muttering a quiet ‘fuck off, Joel’, under your breath, prompting Rose to have to fight back a giggle, evidently amused by how you’d reacted to his remark.

🜸🜚🜸

It wasn’t long, before you both found yourselves fighting, however, after you’d heard from Joel that she’d presumably slept with him, which she hadn’t; he’d been suspecting that you had feelings for her, recently, and wanted to try and steer you away from her, as he was worried about what you might do to try and take her from him, as he didn’t know that you both had already been seeing each other behind his, and the backs of the others and the press, until you both had an even more explosive fight, leading to her deciding not to come and see you whilst the others were asleep anymore, and she even began to ignore you not just on stage, but off of it now, too, resulting in you feeling awful for fighting with her like you had been recently, and beginning to hate yourself even more, but you didn’t blame her for not wanting to see you, or speak to you, anymore, and once you began to notice her sneaking off with Joel more, you found yourself beginning to use a lot more, but no matter how much you took, you found you couldn’t ease the pain, especially when you both still saw each other everyday, and you felt as if you’d lost everything, like how you felt before she had found you, and invited you to join her band, even offering for you to stay with her at her house as you had previously been homeless, with only your bass guitar to keep you company on the dark nights you had found yourself spending, with every cold day that had past without her being by your side.

Every night which followed now, you spent crying, and shaking violently in your bed, after taking more than you should have, as usual, after you’d found yourself looking through the book of photographs you’d put together of you and Rose, until now. You probably would have added more, if it weren’t for the fact that you had somehow managed to lose her again, even though you’d truly thought you would both be together forever; that you existed only by her side, and you weren’t sure what to do anymore, now that you found yourself without her again - it was excruciating, thinking about how she was probably with Joel, when really, unbeknownst to you, she was trying to avoid him, too, after she’d found out that he had told you that she had slept with him, when she’d never even thought about doing such a thing to you, and could never - she was sure - ever even consider doing that, to you, even now, after the fight to have torn you both apart had occurred; she still loved you too much to, and began to wish, now, that she’d never walked out on you like that, and never begun ignoring you and avoiding you as if you didn’t exist, again, like she used to, whenever you were both on the stage together, before, after the press had begun to point out how unusually close you both seemed to be, before, whilst performing together.

On one of the occasions in which she’d found herself trying to avoid Joel and the others after yet another painful performance, she would be surprised to come across you sank down on the ground outside, and she would falter, noticing that you seemed to be disorientated again, whilst crying quietly, and she - when she felt able - would warily approach you, before crouching down beside you, and lifting her right hand to delicately turn your head so she could see your face, and you would subconsciously melt into the warmth of her touch, whilst squinting, and forcing the remaining tears out so you could try and make out who it was, as your vision was currently blurry, and you couldn’t see her face. “I’m-.. I’m okay,” you managed in a shaky slur, and Rose would scoff, before shaking her head, and grimacing; she wished you’d stop lying to her, like you had just done, again; you were evidently far from okay, and she found it painful; she hated seeing you like this, and felt worse whenever she was reminded of her belief that she had been the one to make you like this again, by not stopping the fight, and beginning to ignore and avoid you like she had, recently, after you’d both fought over what Joel had told you.

“Bullshit,” she remarked, and you would fall quiet, upon recognising her voice, and your vision would then begin to clear, surprising you; you couldn’t believe she was wasting her time on you again, when you thought she’d be with Joel, or should be with him, instead, as you believed you would only make things worse if it was still you who she was with, “look at yourself, Y/n, you’re far from okay.”

You would nod gravely, before looking away from her, and she would then timidly intertwine the fingers of her left hand with the pale, and slightly trembling fingers of your right, and you would falter, before glancing down at your and her hand, but you would try not to get your hopes up, guessing she was just doing it to try and make you feel better, but you felt as if things could never be good again, like they used to be, and this thought prompted more tears to cloud your vision, and made you wish the drugs would just end you, like you’d been hoping they would for a while, now. “That sounds-.. s-sounds completely accurate,” you corroborated dejectedly, “I’ve not been.. okay.. for a while now..”

She would nod gravely, before lowering her gaze down to the ground; she didn’t want you to see that she was trying not to cry alongside you, too, as she knew it would only upset you more, if she did. “How much did you take, this time?” She inquired, and you would shrug, not even sure anymore, as you evidently no longer cared how much you took; you just wished it would be, every day you crushed up the pills, and took them, the last day you would have to spend in excruciating pain, but no such luck, so far, evidently, as you were still sadly alive, and having to go on enduring it for too much longer. “Maybe I could call someone for you-”

“No,” you murmured, “I.. it’s not the drugs which are the problem, Rose.. it’s just.. I..” You would then sigh heavily, before bowing your head again, and feeling as if you should just give up, already; you doubted she could ever feel the same way for you, anymore, after the fight, and after she’d been presumably getting even closer to Joel, recently, and it was silently tearing you apart inside; a feeling you were somehow still not used to, even after you’d experienced it before you and Rose had first met. “Forget about it,” you murmured, but she would quickly shake her head, wanting to know what it was that was making you like this, though she already knew; she just wanted to hear you say it, and to tell you that she felt the same way, before requesting, or rather begging for you to forgive her, as she was sick of seeing you hurt, like you evidently had been since the fight you’d both had, and ever since you had both lost one another, though you both still loved each other more deeply than either of you could take, and this fact was making the pain even more excruciating than it would be, if you didn’t.

“I can’t, now,” she replied, “tell me; I wanna help you, Y/n.”

You would snort, before shaking your head. “That’s the thing - You can’t help me,” you claimed, “I’m too far gone-”

“You don’t know that-”

“I do,” you insisted, and Rose was trying to hide that she was beginning to panic, badly, “d’you remember how - when we were together, I had a book of all the pictures we’d taken, and how we used to take at least one photo on each date that we went on?”

She would nod, and found that she couldn’t help, but smile softly, upon remembering it, and how she loved to watch it fill up, whilst you both were still together. “Of course I remember,” she answered, “w-why?”

“I think Joel took it,” you stated, “it’s not in any of the usual spaces I’d hide it in, before, a-and it’s petrifying me - not just because of what he could do with it, but because-.. it’s.. the only thing right now which.. seemed to have been bringing me closer to you again, and seemed to have sometimes made me feel better, because of the memories we made together, before, but then when I remember we won’t be able to make any more, I.. lose all control all over again..”

Rose then couldn’t hold it back anymore as she began to cry, and then ease you closer to her so she could hug you tightly, and you would quickly melt into her embrace, whilst beginning to cry within it, alongside her. “I’m so sorry,” she managed in a shaky whisper, “if I knew you were - you were hurting like that, I wouldn’t have.. I wouldn’t have been avoiding you like I was; I never meant to hurt you-” She would then hold you at arm’s length, and you would both find each other getting lost in one another’s eyes again, before you leaned forward to delicately connect your lips to her’s, and she would - at first - find herself melting into the kiss, before she quickly pulled away, though there was nothing more that she wanted, but to fix things between you both, and to feel your lips against her’s again; she was just worried, still, about what might happen if the others found out, or if the press somehow managed to catch on, and you would falter, before bowing your head a little to try and hide that there were still tears threatening to escape each of your sore, and damp eyes.

“Please,” you whined, “Rose-”

“No,” she interjected gently, before carefully lifting your face up a little so she could connect her forehead to your’s affectionately, whilst her heart began to ache again when she noticed how red and dark your eyes currently were, “we can’t - we can’t do this again, Y/n..”

“But-”

“The others, Joel-”

“I don’t care what they think,” you persisted, evidently desperate, and it was only breaking her heart even more; she hated seeing you like this, and wished she hadn’t reacted to the fight the way she had, “I love you, Rose; I need you, I - I can’t live without you.. P-Please don’t do this-”

“You’re gonna have to at least try, Y/n,” she interrupted gently, before trying to provide comfort to you by booping the tip of your nose with her’s, whilst you tried to fight back the strained sobs which were begging to escape your lips, “please.”

You would then nod gravely, realising she’d probably never change her mind, and she would express relief, but found she still couldn’t rid herself of the pain which was currently radiating throughout her body, alongside your’s. “Could - Could you, at least.. stay with me, for.. for one more night?” You requested, and she would hesitate, not sure; she didn’t want to get your hopes up, and wasn’t sure if she’d able to stop herself from doing anything, if she stayed with you again, and she knew it wouldn’t be fair on you, if she did, and then went back to being simply just your friend, and band mate, the next day. “I’m.. I’m scared.. the - the nightmares keep coming back,” you explained, and she would frown, wishing she could do more to try and stop them for you, “a-and they only s-seem - seem to go away whenever you’re with me.”

Rose would consider it for a moment, before nodding slowly, and deciding she’d stay with you for at least one night. “Okay,” she replied, “but just for one night, n-no more than that.” You would manage a feeble smile up at her, before nodding, and managing a quiet ‘thank you’, whilst she helped you up off of the ground, and led you back inside so she could return to your room with you, and though she had been hoping maybe ‘it’ wouldn’t happen, it did, after she found herself considering it again, and deciding maybe it wouldn’t hurt you as much as she thought it would - you had been the one to find yourself kissing her again, anyway, and she would reluctantly allow herself to melt into the kiss, after deciding she should, to try and make the past few days up to you, and herself; they had been painful, and you’d both missed one another more than you could miss anything else, but most of all - she just wanted you to know that she did still love you, even if she felt as if she wasn’t allowed to say it, or show that she did in public, not even in front of the band anymore.

|

“It didn’t mean anything,” she claimed, “we were just tired, and - and you still kinda had some of those pills in your system, and I’m so sorry, Y/n, I really am-”

You would nod gravely, before staring down at your once again trembling, and wet hands; you’d been crying again, as usual, since she’d approached you, first, once morning came, and tried to apologise to you for what had occurred the previous night, and it was then that you found yourself beginning to break down all over again; you’d been hoping, maybe, that - even if the events of the previous night were some form of goodbye, which they felt like they were - they meant that she still felt something for you, but now you were finding yourself doubting again, and just assuming that it meant nothing, like she claimed it did. “You’re right,” you corroborated, and she would fall quiet, a pained expression on her face whilst she did; she could see that you were trying to hide that you were crying, again, and wished she’d never decided to let it happen, though she thought it wouldn’t hurt you, before, “it was nothing.” You would then force a smile up at her, but she could see through it, and see that you looked as if you might fall apart any minute now, hence why you quickly lowered your gaze again, whilst trying to fight back even more uninvited tears. “I, er..” You continued, before forcing yourself out of your seat at the kitchen table, and Rose would silently plead for you to meet her gaze again, but you found you couldn’t, knowing you’d only fall apart even more, if you did, “I have.. an appointment, s-so.. I might not be able to make the rehearsal, today, but.. you guys’ll be.. be fine, right? What use is - is the bassist, anyway?”

You would then hastily make for the door, finding you couldn’t hold yourself back any longer as you began to cry again, and Rose would begin to panic, rushing after you; she was worried you might do something stupid, like try to take your life, again, take even more of those stupid crushed up pills, or try to hurt yourself, and she couldn’t let it happen, but you were determined to get away, and not be stopped this time. “Y/n, wait!” She cried, but you would manage to slip out of the room, and bump into Joel immediately after you did, but you wouldn’t stop, rushing off before he could even open his mouth to speak, and Rose would wince, upon noticing him, and he would appear suspicious, before tilting his head partially over at her, evidently expecting an answer from her, which she would reluctantly give, after tugging him into the room, and closing the door so she could tell him everything about you both, though he already had been getting a slight idea of what had been happening between you both recently, and he hated it, but would try to hide this from her, wanting to at least remain on her good side, though she’d admitted she didn’t have feelings for him, as he was hopeful that she would change her mind, but she was determined not to, and believed she could never love anyone else as much as she loved you, and always had, and that’s why she rushed out looking for you as soon as she’d made sure to tell him everything, and effectively brought to an end her fake relationship with him; she didn’t want to hurt you anymore; she couldn’t, and knew this would be the only way she could do that for you.

🜸

After searching for what felt like hours, and finding nothing, Rose would reluctantly decide to give in, after Suki had advised her to, upon noticing how exhausted she appeared, and Rose would hesitantly allow herself to confide in Suki, too, who reacted better than Rose thought she would - in fact, she appeared delighted, as well as worried about you, to hear that you both had been secretly seeing one another, and worried to now hear that you were missing, but she would try not to let herself, or Rose panic, whilst slowly leading Rose back toward the lobby of the hotel you were all currently staying in, where the others, obviously excluding you, were waiting for them. Rod would stand up immediately upon their entry, and both Suki and Rose could tell that he was silently fuming; he’d heard from Joel that you had run off again - as well as about everything that had been going on between you both, and now wasn’t sure whether he should postpone the next rehearsal, or go ahead without you. “Let me guess - you couldn’t find her?” He uttered, whilst in the process of lighting a cigarette, and Rose would shake her head, whilst a pained expression began to cross her face again; she couldn’t believe she’d let you slip away like that, and now there was a possibility that she could lose you, if you decided to try and take your life like you had tried to a few times, before she’d met you, and before you’d both started secretly seeing one another. “Well, shit,” he remarked, but would manage to catch himself before he could begin ranting at the group, especially when he noticed the look on Rose’s face, and could tell she didn’t need another of his angry speeches right now, so instead he would take out another cigarette from the packet whilst the one he’d lit was being held in his mouth, before offering it to her, assuming she needed it, and she would hesitantly accept it from him shakily, before nodding her thanks to him after he’d lit it for her. “She’ll be fine,” he continued, before turning partially to the others - Joel and Eddie (Eddie is Rod’s brother, and the drummer of the band) - and forcing a smile, “what do you wanna do, gang? The next show’s tomorrow night, and we’re missing our bassist - do we wait, or start without her?”

“If she even comes back,” Rose mustered feebly, whilst tears began to cloud her vision again, and she would then have to bite down a little on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling, before she bowed her head, and Suki would try and provide comfort to her by hooking a reassuring right arm over her shoulder, “I should have.. I should have told her the truth - she probably hates me now-”

“She couldn’t hate you,” Suki contradicted gently, “she probably just needs a little time to think about things, and then she’ll come back, I promise.”

Rose would then find herself beginning to panic again, whilst even managing to imagine the possibility that you could be laying in a pool of your own blood right now, prompting Rose to turn to Suki whilst her tears managed to escape, and stream down her cheeks. “What if she doesn’t? W-What if she’s-..” She then found she couldn’t take it anymore as she began to break down, a strained sob managing to escape her lips, and Suki would ease her into a hug, whilst silently hoping you weren’t, herself, as you’d both also been good friends since you’d first joined the band.

As if on cue, you appeared at the end of the hallway, dragging yourself toward the lobby, and you would falter as soon as you noticed the others waiting for you; you didn’t think they would, and would begin to feel guilty for disappearing like you had when you could see that Rose was crying, whilst also finding yourself wondering why she’d bother worrying over a nobody like you, even prompting you to believe that maybe she wasn’t crying about you, prompting your heart to sink a little as you considered all the other possible reasons why. As soon as Suki had noticed you, she’d express relief, and then smile in your direction. “She’s not,” she cooed, “because she’s back.”

Rose would then instantly turn to face you, once Suki had released her from her embrace, before rushing up to you, and throwing her arms around you. At first, you would tense up, not expecting her to be happy that you were okay, but would then soon melt into her embrace shortly after, before returning the hug, and burying your face into the crook of her neck whilst you found yourself beginning to cry alongside her. “I’m so sorry,” she managed, her voice shaky, and muffled against your right shoulder, and you would shake your head, not wanting her to feel as if she should apologise, when you believed everything that had happened recently to be your fault, “I-.. I shouldn’t have let it happen, I know; I just.. I..”

You would then falter, before nodding gravely, and assuming she didn’t love you again. “N-No, it’s my fault,” you murmured, before escaping her embrace, though you wanted nothing, but to remain within her arms, and she would feel empty all of a sudden, alongside you, prompting her glistening and sore eyes to silently plead with your’s, “it’s - l-like you said, earlier - just because.. we were tired, and I was still.. high, I guess, if.. if being high is.. is like being in love with someone, and.. having them not feel the same way, for you.” She would falter alongside you, before shaking her head subconsciously, whilst soon finding herself trying not to cry again. “Whilst I was-.. elsewhere,” you began again quietly, “I.. I was thinking m-maybe.. maybe it would be better if I.. quit.”

That was it - the moment that Rose found herself beginning to break down completely; she couldn’t believe it; that you wanted to leave, after everything you’d both been through together, recently; all the memories you’d both made together, and she couldn’t hold herself back any longer as she suddenly pushed you gently, as she had no intention of trying to hurt you, surprising you, but you wouldn’t blame her; you never could, feeling as if you were the only one to blame for everything that had been going on recently. “What the fuck?” She replied, and you would bow your head, trying not to feel guilty, and change your mind, as you knew she’d be happier without you, and that things would probably just get worse, if you decided to stay. “Are you serious?” She questioned, and you would nod, whilst staring down at your feet, and she would shake her head again; she couldn’t let you leave; she just couldn’t, as she honestly couldn’t imagine her life without you in it. “Is this what you wanted, all along?” She hissed, and you would hesitantly glance up at her again, whilst the others awkwardly looked around the room. Rod would then clear his throat, but Rose would ignore him. “To make me fall in love with you, and - and then - then just fucking leave, as if it never happened? As if I meant nothing to you?” She clarified, and you would grimace, before looking away again; you thought it had been the other way around, as you’d been feeling as if you meant nothing to her, recently; that everything you’d both done together had simply just been for fun, and not because she felt the same way, for you, when she always had, unbeknownst to you, now, ever since you’d both first met, and she’d invited you to join the band with her and the others. “Do you really expect me to be okay with that?” She added, and you would simply shrug, whilst the tears began to force their way down your cheeks again.

“I guess I just.. thought it wouldn’t mean anything,” you answered truthfully, and she would scoff, before shaking her head; she couldn’t believe you, “that maybe you’d.. be happier, if I weren’t in the way anymore.”

“Why would you ever think something like that?” She pried, and would wince when she noticed that some other people who had recently joined the room were now watching, with skeptical looks on their faces, and she would then bow her head a little, before she shook it timidly, whilst cursing herself for what she was doing. You knew, though, that she was worried again, about what the people watching would think of you both, as well as about what they might do - terrified, even, that they might try and hurt you for whatever crazy reason; she didn’t care if they tried to hurt her, just you; she couldn’t let anything happen to you, and knew that she’d never be able to forgive herself if she did. “Y’know what? Fine,” she spat, and you would then look back at her, when you felt able, with a hurt look on your face; you’d looked over at the group of people after you’d noticed her glancing over at them like she had, “leave, I - I meant what I said, Y/n, what happened meant nothing, I don’t feel anything for you anymore.”

You would nod gravely, before looking away again, whilst wondering why you hadn’t just taken your life, earlier, like you’d been considering doing a lot recently. “Fine, I will,” you uttered, before turning, and walking away, prompting Rose to begin to panic again as she shook her head, before rushing after you, and catching your right arm.

“N-No, don’t, please, I’m so sorry-”

You would then hesitantly turn to face her, and she would then hold you at arm’s length so she could meet your gaze, and get lost in your eyes again, as she’d missed doing so recently. “So you want me to stay, now?” You interjected shakily, and she would nod, whilst her cheeks began to heat up, but you would try not to get your hopes up, though she was blushing. “I don’t know what to think anymore, Rose,” you expressed, and she would nod gravely again, “if - if you don’t love me, prove it to me; prove that you’ve never even felt at least something for me.” She would then nervously look over at the group of spectators again, and you would shake your head, not wanting her to feel as if she had to be worried about what they would think, anymore. “D-Don’t look at them,” you begged, desperate, “they don’t matter, just.. just look at me.” She would then glance back at you, and you would then timidly inch closer to her so you could try and provide comfort to her by connecting your forehead to her’s, and she would instantly relax, whilst beginning to feel as if it were now just you both who were in the room, prompting her heart to begin to race again alongside your’s. “Do.. Do you love Joel? Because if you do, t-then-.. that’s fine,” you mustered, not wanting to force her into anything; you only wanted her to be happy, even if it meant she could only be happy with someone else, and not you, though you knew you’d probably never be the same again if you lost her, “I’ll.. never bother you again, because-.. I love you, Rose, a-and.. all I want is for you to be happy, and if he makes you happy-”

Rose would then shake her head, before she lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, prompting you to fall quiet, whilst you subconsciously leaned into her touch, and found yourself getting lost in her icy blue eyes again. “Only you could ever make me happy,” she managed shakily, her voice close to a whisper, before she delicately connected her lips to your’s, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, whilst you both eased each other closer as soon as the kiss began to deepen, ignoring the hushed comments from the crowd of people who were watching you both together, until Rod cleared his throat again, prompting you both to begrudgingly end the kiss to look over at him.

“As much as I love a happy ending,” he began, “and think you’re both adorable together, I’m afraid we’ve still got a rehearsal to get underway, right? For the show tomorrow?”

You would wince, whilst Rose appeared disgruntled; she’d rather focus on you. “Fine,” she gave in, before glancing over at you again, and smirking, “don’t worry, it’ll be only you I ogle from now on, on and off the stage.”

You would suddenly appear elated, whilst remembering how much fun you’d both used to have together on the stage whenever you were engaging in unexpected duets and solos together, and how your heart would race, and you would feel warm and fuzzy whenever she was singing to you, and had occasionally been hugging you whilst she did. “Y-You mean - things’ll go back to the way they used to be?” You mused, and she would nod quickly, whilst fighting back a giggle; she found your reaction adorable, as well as amusing, evidently, and you would then throw your arms around her again, prompting her to return the hug immediately after you had. “We’ll do the best duet,” you remarked, and she would giggle, before nodding in agreement with you.

“And then we’ll end the show with me singing Anti-Everything - to you, this time,” she added, before delicately kissing you again, and you would revel in the fluttery feeling you were currently experiencing, “and every other time, I promise, because I’m never gonna let anyone separate us ever again, never.”

“I love you so much,” you expressed, and she would smile lovingly over at you, whilst her eyes began to glint alongside your’s, “and I always will, no matter what.”

“I love you, too,” she returned, “now let’s go - Rod’s looking impatient to get back to his whiskey-”

“Damn right I am,” he corroborated, before gesturing for them to follow him out of the hotel, and to the studio he’d rented upon the band’s arrival, and everything appeared to be going as splendidly as it had been, before, until one of the many interrupted, as well as threatened shows leading up to the band’s final one, after you’d found yourself almost overdosing as an attempt to take your own life again, but after you’d been found and saved by Rose, you found you couldn’t yet remember why, until she’d reluctantly decided to remind you of the fatal accident that she’d almost experienced that same night, due to a member of the audience’s unchecked gun, and evident disapproval of your and her love for one another being the reason why they’d decided to bring it, and tried to use it to kill you both.

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️

[zalrb]

What I don’t understand is how you’re gonna make a romance-centric show (which is what Daisy Jones & The Six inarguably is) and cast people who can’t sell it as main characters. Like. The general audience would always be uncomfortable with Billy essentially cheating on his wife, even if his feelings weren’t acted upon, but they were, and it looks TOTALLY not worth it, because they cannot sell it 😒 The dynamic is complicated, it required believable passion. So fed up with these half-assed shows/films ngl.

An anon a while ago said that they wanted to ask me about chemistry in the show since a couple had a chemistry read and I'm guessing they meant Sam and Riley as Billy and Daisy considering how central they are and I just watched it like, I don't know, everyone missed the mark here. And I've seen people be like "the way he looks at her" and it's this

and I'm just like ... Peggy and Ted did this better in Mad Men!

Hell, Peggy and Pete did this better

[sunsh1n3s]

using this platform as an excuse to talk about books — so here’s what i read 2023 and what i recommend:

[ the storyteller: tales of life and music - dave grohl ] i am a huge foo fighters fan and grew up with my mom loving dave grohl, the stories he tells in this book are not chronological; but they are beautiful. it makes me admire this man more than i did, he’s truly inspiring. 4.5/5 stars, -0.5 because i could not retain as well when it would jump from year to year.

[ suicide notes - michael thomas ford ] i did not enjoy this book for as much as it was overhyped. i understood the plot, i understood the story, it was gripping but not generally moving. a common coming-of-age young romance with mental illness; not bad yet not the best. 2/5 stars, -3 because i did not like how slow and basic the storyline was, though i liked few of the characters

[ daisy jones & the six - taylor jenkins reid ] OH IM A TAYLOR JENKINS REID GIRLIE NOW. i had previously heard of evelyn hugo but at the time djats series had just came out, and i was curious to read the book. i watched the pilot and was sold, you’d think a hippie gal who loves rock bands would pass this up ?? TJR’s book style is so easy for me to get into too, i could NOT put the book down. greta writing and great storyline, forever a camila kinner and truther. -4.5/5 stars, -0.5 bc i HATED billy dunne and book eddie loving.

[ 11/22/63 - stephen king ] i read this for extra credit in my language arts class and when i tell you i’ve been DYING to read this book since i saw my mom read it. my roman empire is the JFK presidency and assassination, and i’ve always enjoyed stephen king… so this was just a chefs kiss. although, mr stephen king holds onto scenes a little too long and it could’ve been a 600 page book, not 800. so sometimes i caught myself snoozing, but i loved the concept loved the book. time traveling + historical + thriller + romance = 4/5 starred book, -1 only because it was longer than it should’ve been

[ water for elephants - sara gruen ] this book is one of those “it gets good at the end” books. i put this book down twice and it took me majority of the year to get into it. i did not enjoy the beginning, but over time and chapters it became better. true story on a circus with what i’m guessing are fictional main characters. either way it was good, good paced, and interesting. definitely makes you look at circuses or any animal show differently. 3/5 stars, -2 just cause the beginning was slow

[ intensity - dean koontz ] …. now wtf. i read this bc my mom recommended it… don’t read it. it’s good it’s crazy it blows your mind, but it is so so fucked up. it’s a murder story and it’s just gross and weird. intensity is the right title, it was very intense. i was holding my breath on so many scenes, yet it was somehow enjoyable just because of how much of a thriller it was. 3/5, -2 only cause i would never read it again, and it was gross.

[ red, white, & royal blue - casey mcquiston ] i noticed this was a movie so i thought why not watch it, i don’t tend to watch stuff before i read it, but i wanted a judgement on this book. i loved the movie just bc it was so cutesy and the characters were so in love. and i got that right in the book. definitely your typical cheesy teenage romance book with light smut, and very gay. so as much as people critique it, i enjoyed it and it was what i needed to read or have in that moment. just a sappy and cutesy love story. 4/5 stars, -1 because i wasn’t left as content as i thought i’d be

[ the seven husbands of evelyn hugo - taylor jenkins reid ] taylor jenkins reid the woman that you are. i understood the hype, i loved the book, it was written so well. there’s twists and just emotion and i loved it. i tabbed the book and everything. i just loved it, it’s truly a gripping and great story. fuck men, except for one he was a sweetheart. plus it’s around marilyn monroe/rita hayworth actress era and i eat that shit up. 5/5 stars, she’s just that girl.

[ the book thief - markus zusak ] :( i love this book but oh is it sad. i reread it for a school unit. liesel meminger you’re a remarkable girl. 4/5 stars, point off bc we had to do assignments on it and i hated one section of the book.

[ the complete persepolis - marjane satrapi ] during the iran revolutions and conflicts with the shah and stuff. it was okay, not my favorite but not bad. also a graphic novel!! autobiography also, pretty neat. 3/5 stars, not my cup of tea and we had to do stupid assignments on them that made us think too hard abt it

[dittoremus]

get to know better tag

how come i'm always late for these things :') anyway, thank you so much @popyandshit for the tag!! 💖

three ships: oh boy we're off to a difficult start. i've gone through many fandoms and i'm a compulsive shipper so i can't bring myself to choose. i'll just say my favorite marauders ships since it's been my latest long lasting obsession?? i guess?? AND EVEN THAT'S A STRUGGLE FOR ME. i'll just go with dorlene, wolfstar and recently i've been really into jily again.

WAIT NEVERMIND I'VE CHANGED MY MIND AND I'M MENTIONING OTHER SHIPS: KANEJ (SOC), CAITVI (ARCANE), PYNCH (TRC), CATRADORA (SHERA) AND MANY OTHERS

first ship: i think the first one i properly and actively shipped was percabeth??

last song: IT'S KILLING ME THAT IT WON'T BE AVAILABLE ON SPOTIFY UNTIL FRIDAY

last movie: everything everywhere all at once (watched it this weekend with my mother)

currently watching: i finished watching heartstopper s2 a couple days ago. currently i'm rewatching the walking dead (i may be working on something and i'm hoping i can use it as inspiration) and my friend is forcing me to start alchemy of souls so i guess we can add that to the list.

currently reading: i'M STILL READING DAISY JONES AND THE SIX (I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S TAKING ME SO LONG WHEN USUALLY I'M A FAST READER AND I AM LIKING THE BOOK). as for fics i've mostly been reading one shots (if you have any long fanfic recs please send them my way)

last thing i wrote: a very VERY basic draft of the first chapters of the zombie au i'm working on

currently writing: the above-mentioned zombie au (and a project for uni lol)

i have no clue who to tag so feel free to do it if you want ✨

[fallingforfandoms]

Thanks for the tag @all-my-worlds-a-stage!

Current time: 15:31

Current activity: trying to get rid of that headache that certainly doesn't have anything to do with me staring at a screen for too long, oops

Currently thinking about: a way to write more for yet another AU idea, even though I should be working on a million other things (including that medieval AU that I have kinda been ignoring for the last few months, oops)

Current favourite song: "Let Me Down Easy" by Daisy Jones & The Six

Currently reading on AO3: I've been putting off "funny how the pages turn and hold us together" for FAR too long now because I wanted to be in the right mood to thorougly enjoy it - and guess what? That DJATS bingewatching session has really woken that kinda craving in me again, so, yay!

Currently watching: just finished "Daisy Jones and the Six", and I am actually still in search for other "A Star Is Born" kinda films and shows, so, you know, if there's anything you can recommend ... ? 👀

Current fave character: Yes, I could be saying Daisy or Billy from DJATS (for me it's Karen tho, the pianist), given what I just rambled about. But I'm going with Lena Odenthal. For .... mildly different reasons :D

Current WIPs: "Grabenkampf", "Schlag(er)sahnenschlacht", "summer never ends when I'm with you", "Von Schwertglanz und Schattengewächsen" and too many other Tatort bits and pieces to count 🥲

Tagging: @mordsfesch @krejong @carlomenzinger @cornchrunchie @caromitpunkt and everyone else who feels like it! :)

[gellavonhamster]

monthly media recap: may 2023

the lusty month of May! this one is gonna be long

read:

The Terror by Arthur Machen - a properly unsettling short novel about strange murders happening in England and Wales during World War II. I gotta say, I think the narrator is wrong :D as in, based on the story, I have a slightly different opinion on the cause of what happened

The Great Return by Arthur Machen - a novella about the reappearance of the Holy Grail in a small Welsh village; short, but beautiful

The Empty House and Other Ghost Stories by Algernon Blackwood - not bad apart from, as usual, certain period-typical yikes, but after Machen and M.R. James it just doesn't seem as good, and the endings to many stories felt too abrupt to me. However, I am a big fan of the character whose rooms were haunted by his friend's ghost, so he went to his other friend's place to study because "there's no hallucination about that exam; I must pass that whatever happens."

Issues No. 1-3 of the Hellebore zine - yep, still reading this, still in an absolutely random order. Witch trials, poison plants, the cult of Pan and other good shit; I've bookmarked the names of some books I might give a try later. I feel like the articles in earlier issues were more, uh, informal and essay-like and became more scientific as the zine continued to be released, which I think is a good change tbh

Temeraire series, Books 4-7 (Empire of Ivory, Victory of Eagles, Tongues of Serpents, and Crucible of Gold) by Naomi Novik - hell yeah! I started this series in 2019 (I believe?), read the first three books, loved them, but then kind of forgot to continue. Catching up on it now and greatly enjoying the alternate history (in very broad strokes: Napoleonic wars with sentient DRAGONS in the air force), constant adventures, anti-colonialist themes, and the extremely likeable cast.

+ progress on Lancelot-Grail: done with The Quest for the Holy Grail, The Death of Arthur, and the first part of Post-Vulgate (The Merlin Continuation). Currently reading the Post-Vulgate version of the Grail quest and Book 8 of of Temeraire - Blood of Tyrants

watched:

Daisy Jones & The Six (2023) - there were changes in comparison to the book that I liked (loved Simone's storyline in the show, for example) and that I disliked. I think the novel and the adaptation work together best. The soundtrack is amazing, and the original songs are very good even out of context

Valkoinen peura / The White Reindeer (1952) - older horror films often are more haunting than the newer ones despite limited special effects and mostly relying on things like lighting and music - or maybe because of that - and this Finnish film is a good example of that. God forbid women do anything (turn into a murderous reindeer)

November (2017) - fascinating folk horror set in 19th century Estonia - mundane magic, deals with the devil, and the unrequited love no spells can fix. Beautiful and sad and very well-made

Yellowjackets (season 2, 2021-?) - AAAAAAA!!! I know many people found this season much worse than s1, but I honestly enjoyed it, even if I didn't agree with all decisions (they better do something unexpected about Van's cancer, or I'll be mad). The finale is devastating, but I kinda expected that to happen :( it was one of the most likely character deaths. Alas, the only one of these women I'd be ready to let go is the one who's certainly not dying unless they all die in the end (which is not that unlikely, I guess). Anyway, this is one of my favourite shows at the moment, and I'm really excited for season 3 (and the mysterious bonus episode?..)

[thewritingofspencerrose]

Barbara Price: Hollywood Royalty

GRAHAM: Barbara Price. There's always a lot to say about Barb.

KAREN: Barb? She showed up the same day as Daisy. I think it was reassuring for Daisy, her not being the only new person to the band. And also taking some of the boys attention from the fact she wasn't wearing pants.

DAISY: When I first saw her, I knew she was important. Girl lays on the couch in this warm embroidered, cropped top, flare jeans on her legs and hair nearly the size of Simone's. I think that's why I befriended her so quick. She was a younger replica of Simone, and I had been missing her.

WARREN: Barbs? She's my favorite man, would have gone for her too if it wasn't so obvious that Eddie was in love with her at first site.

"Uh, hi, I'm looking for Price?" A fire haired woman asks, approaching me in the lounge at the entrance to the record studio.

"Well, you've found one, but assuming I haven't a clue who you are, I will guess you mean my father, Teddy", a woman with the skin of chocolate, hair large and wild and an embroidered top that Daisy would have worn herself. Having been laying on the sofa, with on leg bent, the apparent teen unravels herself, removing the headphones from her head and setting them aside, standing to her full height, a full three-ish inches taller than Daisy's five-six height, entirely credited to the healed boots on her feet. "Here, I'll show you where he should be. I think he's with The Six right now."

"I'm Daisy Jones, by the way."

"Barbara Price," She returned, making Daisy's eyes widen.

"Price as in-"

"Bingo," The girl cut her off, smirking as they approached a sound room, where you can see through to the recording room, a man looking incredibly stubborn as the four that stand around him just watch whatever show he's putting on, Teddy Price standing in the recording room with them.

DAISY: Barb didn't even knock, she just walked into the sound room, walking straight into the box, completely pissing off who I learned to be Billy.

BILLY: I'm in the middle of talking to Teddy and in comes this kid and a redhead who I had never met.

"Delivery," Barbara announces to her father, waving her hands enthusiastically at the woman behind her.

Teddy smiles at his only child, then at Daisy, motioning her forward. "Daisy Jones, Billy Dunne," He introduces, Daisy smiling at the man.

"I like your song," Daisy compliments.

Teddy nods, pleased with how things are going despite Billy's dire mood. "Ok, Daisy you are gonna go right here, and Tobias will set you up."

"Great," The Daisy responded, looking over the Price's, now noting their similarities. "Could I have a glass of milk and a whiskey? Or just a whiskey, if you don't have milk. Or just a milk if you don't have whiskey."

"Of course," Barbara was the one to assure, smiling with all the warmth of the sun. "I'll have Charlie grab you some whiskey and tell him to grab you some of the milk I keep around for my coffee."

Karen and Graham greeted the girl who was without pants, red hair in a mane.

"Okay, let's do this," Teddy said with a clap of his hands, ushering the band and his daughter out of the room. "Oh," He added, as they closed the door, leaving Daisy and Billy in the studio. "I don't think any of you have met Barbara before. Barbara, this is the collective know as The Six; Warren Rhodes, Karen Sirko, Graham Dunne, Eddie Roundtree, and Billy Dunne is in the booth. Six, this is my daughter Barbara Price."

GRAHAM: As soon as Teddy said that Barb was his daughter, you could see Eddie's eyes turn from attraction to just "oh shit".

TEDDY: I did not like the way Eddie was making eyes at Barbara. That being said, if any of them were going to be making eyes at my daughter, he and Graham were the safest bets, and I was sure at the time that something was going on between Graham and Karen.

"Do we need the... Do we need the audience?" Daisy's voice rings into the booth, the guys having been staring after introductions, most just interested in how their song would sound with the added vocals.

"You mean the band?" Billy questioned, at the same time that Warren asked "Is she talking about us?"

"It's our song?" Eddie commented next, confusion and annoyance clear.

"They're just sort of, looking right at me," Daisy explained, and immediately Barbara understood the feeling. As a renowned music producers twenty year old daughter, she received a lot of male attention. It didn't hurt that she was gorgeous and had a personality to match.

"What do you boys say we give them some space, and I take you boys to my favorite coffee shop down the block?" Barbara offered, clapping her hands on Eddie and Warren's backs.

"Oh shit, I'm in," Warren answered immediately, already heading to the door as Graham followed, Barbara looping her arm in an unexpected Eddie's, just reaching the doorway before she pauses the two, looking back to Karen.

"You've got this? I think it'd make her more comfortable for one of us to be here," Barb explains, Karen smiling softly at the girl she could already tell would be around a while.

"I've got it," Karen assured, earning a bright smile in return.

"Fantastic! I'll bring you a coffee, something fitting of your personality," The girl assures.

"We just met?" Karen reminds, head tilted slightly in an amused smile.

"I'm very good at reading people," She assures, turning quickly to Eddie. "Let's go before your friends end up at Blinding, their coffee is shit."

KAREN: She came back with something called a BP, I had assumed that it was because the amount of espresso shots in the thing would send your body into hyper drive and increase your blood pressure, but that wasn't the reason at all. BP stood for Baraba Price. Girl had a coffee named after her in the most popular shop in the area.

BARBARA: Oh God, I'm surprised those drinks didn't rot my insides. It was something like 3 shots of espresso, 2 pumps of hazelnut syrup, and 2 pumps of vanilla syrup. I ordered it EVERY morning from ages like 16 to 18.

EDDIE: I asked Barb out that day. Took her to dinner and everything that night. And every Monday we were recording we'd sneak away to that coffee shop.

TEDDY: It was six months later that Eddie asked for my little girls hand in marriage. Her mother and I were hesitant, I mean, she was only 20 and he was 24 and a rockstar. But he loved her. It's all we could ask for.

BARBARA: I can entirely thank Daisy for being so lost in the studio that I had to show her the way. Because when I did, I was shown the way to the love of my life.

Eddie and Barbara Roundtree now live in a house with a white picket fence in the hills of LA, Barbara a school teacher and Eddie a music producer now that his days as a rockstar are over. The couple has three kids, all daughters, much like Billy Dunne, named Dorthea "Thea" Rose (6), Susannah "Susie" Mae (3), and Beatrice "Bea" Wren 2 (dedicated to the couples best friend Warren Rhodes, who demanded a child be named after him), and a baby boy on the way, who they plan to call Edward "Teddy" Graham.