#guess i just dont have enough trauma to qualify for it

[redrosecarnage]

mental illnesses are only genetic for the rest of the family. when it comes to me though suddenly nobody knows why i act the way i do

[red-dyed-sarumane]

what the fuck is up with akire ocs. masterpost made way too quick while i need to sleep. i was going to add images but im tired feel free to look at the toyhouse pages tho

723 - behavioral issues. by choice. shes just like that.

aira - trapped in xeir own personal ever changing hell. like literally xi is stuck in a world that feeds off of & changes based on fears.

aisha - killed by her best friend.

alstroemeria - selectively mute until an injury made her permanently mute. often mistreated by people who think they know best bc she can't verbally argue with them

amari - she is willingly in such a fucked up relationship. constantly being framed by and the subject of bad rumors from her gf (fuyue)

amaryllis - no one listened to her or took her seriously so she ran away & when no one came to look for her realized no one really cared anyway! (isolation)

ash - was trapped in the same hell world as aira but made a deal to get out. her morals are destroyed from it & she tries to trap others in the world so she doesnt have to go back

cestria - idk what her deal is. shes just violent. hashtag influencer things i guess

cherry - u know what i dont think she has any. hm.

chime - no sense of self. theyre exclusively a mirror, intentional or not, of the people around them

chira - commits to the bit too much. will exploit people for views

cleo - refuses to get involved even when she can help. she only wants the scoop on drama

crian - currently, she beats herself up over not being able to help void before they ran away & thinks its partly her fault

daelryc - trust issues

dusk - naturally more violent than ur average person. also trapped against her will

feisha - family issues only fushia knows about. they wont talk about it to anyone else.

fjahva - his mom hates him. he gets kicked out if he tries to come back home. among other mistreatments

flora - trapped against her will & forced to participate in ethically questionable experiments

fushia - mild childhood bullying

fuyue - everything (no). malicious, petty thief, constantly lying for her own amusement, frames her gf for her crimes, blackmails, etc etc etc. why? shes bored

glacia - bully. manipulator. potential murderer but she hasnt stooped that low yet

greeml - theyre self conscious of their ears bc theyre pointy. thats like their worst problem. bc i love them

hanabi - social media poisoned mind. shes not an influencer she just needs to get offline

helix - playboy. self obsessed. used his own blessings on himself enough the other deities demoted him to demigod.

iono - despite neither of her parents being qualified to care for a kid she surprisingly doesnt have any serious problems

iraidis - carrying the weight of being rejected by several generations of people & erasure of proof of her existence

itsumi - shut in by choice & lost all her communication skills. very familiar with escapism

jade - idk i havent thought about it enough yet

keppi - also carrying the weight of generational rejection and erasure

kin - theres just so much wrong with her. she's taking herself down and the world with her. or just kinako. either works

kinako - straight up no will to live she endures whatever kin does to her. or doesnt. she dies a lot.

konome - orphan? lives in the woods with his sister & causes problems for people (""natural"" disasters)

kumo - god complex (they are not a god). the fact they arent dead is a miracle bc they are so stupid and bold and rash

kyeslu - weird girl. no one hates her per se but no one really gets along with her either.

lavender - also trapped in her own hell world

lilium - cave explorer. in the tundra. i think that counts.

linesus - (my sister :) ) well. shes dead. guess she had worm farming trauma too idk

lyra - bullied :(

lyrica - also in personal hell world

maien - shes just massively unlucky.

malshay - power complex (is that what its called??) needs to prove shes better than everyone.

manayo - causes problems on purpose. shes a fox demon she can do what she want tho

meimu - haha trauma of dying repeatedly while the worlds falling apart etc etc shes an aru sekai fan oc thats all i need to say

meision - idk i need to think about her more

meringue - got mad once (unfairly discharged from her job) and now shes a serial killer. hashtag girlboss or whatever

meshika - orphan? lives in the forest with her brother causing problems for people. has definitely killed people but good luck proving it

mkoom - victim of capitalism

nuria - disrespected & killed. now carries the stress of maintaining an entire world with her mind

oken - trauma (?) of turning into a cat against his will

paolo - would rather be a bird than a person

pomgara - distrusted & frustrated by it so shes rather sharp

refrichi - trauma of using her ability. not only accidentally killing people but also casual self harm so she can protect herself (she controls blood. if that makes it make more sense)

rhonda - unsuited to her home country & the problems that come with that. not necessarily stockholmed but she did fall in love with a serial killer

roselii - bad home life. she's overprotective bc of it

ryuusei - isolation of being in space only to come to earth & have to act like a celebrity

sarlina - blank spots in her life bc her ability consumes memories if shes not careful.

saturday - petty.

saturn - burden of maintaining balance in the world. emotionally isolated bc of it

scarlet - bully manipulator liar etc etc and all for her own gain. started bc she didnt want to get punished for bad grades & then she never stopped

sepheria - trust issues. emotional isolation bc shes from a different time period & no one will understand

sera - forced into a sort of celebrity type role he didnt want

seyla - idk what to say here she doesnt really cause problems & she doesnt really have any. mischievous at most

shaia - abandoned his duties as the weight of them was too much. somehow still a deity regardless

sometya - doesnt like people. scaredy cat. yet theyre always off exploring other worlds

sora - ability related trauma. naturally a kind hearted person but she's killed people & it haunts her

teila - tired of rejection she'll promise anything to get her way. ironically shes a shitty mom who rejected her son

tobio - trust issues & quick to argue.

towaka - accidentally got herself trapped in a video game & no longer has control over herself or a way to communicate

vanilla - fear of the unknown & stays in an area that frustrates her bc of it

viridia - victim of her own sister, verbally tormented, tricked into going places she shouldnt & losing important items bc of her only to come home and get told her sister wouldnt do that she should be more like her.

void - we've been over this. bullying into a mental breakdown into 8 years of physical and emotional isolation

wyndi - also carrying the weight of generations of rejection & erasure

xeli - victim of various poisoning attempts that dont work bc theyre immune

yuclenya - isekai'd into a world she knew nothing about, didnt speak the language, was cornered by people looking for a fight, only found out she had an ability when she used it out of fear & it thoroughly cut up her hands

[bunnyshideawayy]

what baffles me the most is the 🌽 addiction accusation is it’s coming from, mainly, men who 100% consume 🌽ographic media daily via onlyfans and websites and have recently discovered women enjoy sex, too, but read about it instead. they are also the same men who bash SWers, who’s content they consume and pay for! OR pretentious male book readers who only read Plato and the only classics, funnily enough though they never take an issue with books like Game of Thrones, in which Grrm describes some of the most violent and graphic sex scenes i’ve personally ever read.

i’ll be the first to admit there is a 🌽 problem in this society, and that the industry is a horrible place that condones/advertises horrible things, things that mostly affect women/femme presenting people. but i think the important and conveniently unnoted difference between spicy books and 🌽 visuals like the videos posted on say, pornhub, is that 9/10 those books are not *JUST* porn. Acotar is probably a weak example but i’ll use it anyway, only a small fraction of those books are actual sex scenes, a good 90% of the story is actually plot, world building, character growth, emotional connection and relationships established for both reader/characters, there is an actual story being told- sex just happens to be in it, which i usually skim past anyway. however in videos you have none of that- it’s just sex. the videos with scripts usually have disturbing themes and dialogue, but again no actual plot.

another conveniently forgotten point is what is being promoted. obviously the issue is not black and white, for example Haunting/Hunting Adeline, that book, much like the actual 🌽 industry, promotes some pretty awful and weird shit like abuse, SA, and violence against women, but at the end of the day i will always side with Haunting Adeline because of the simple fact it’s about fictional, fake people. the same cannot be said about videos and media like it. those are real people, and yes they may be a of age, consenting, adult doing their job……or they may not be. even if they are the video is being posted as “barely legal teen, step daughter and mom” with them dressed up in school girl uniforms (btw that’s two of the most popular searches on pornhub). on the flip side there is some ethical porn media that can be consumed, and as long as you’re not feeing into the above mentioned (abuse, SA, incest, etc) websites like onlyfans gives SWers the chance to make money with their own boundaries and i’ve heard of i think at least one website that is women own and ran that makes 🌽 “for women” aka without all the weird fetishization and dehumanization.

i also understand some people work through past trauma via kinks like cnc, etc, so reading books about that or watching videos is something they do but i’m not qualified to speak on that so i won’t.

i guess i made this big ass post to say maybe consider the nuance behind this discussion before you run around calling women who read books that happen to also have sex in them 🌽 addicts. although i can’t completely say my opinion is unbiased, i have seen real life 🌽 addiction first hand through my ex boyfriend and how it literally ruined his life/our relationship, and i also enjoy a fairy smut book here and there, i dont support the 🌽 industry but i do support SWers. sex and erotica have been apart of written history and culture since we invented writing, hell ancient people were drawing people fucking and their dicks out before writing was invented. you cannot completely strip the sexuality out of humanity, we’ll all always be a little freaky. but it’s important to understand what you’re consuming and to be critical of it if you believe it promotes harmful things.

i also wanted to clarify i brought up fanfiction because i have read far more graphic things on ao3 than any published author would dare write, i could only imagine what those people would say when they saw the “porn without plot” tag. what names they’d call fanfic writers. 😭

genuinely curious what the “booktok girls are 🌽 addicts” puritans would think and say about fanfiction…

[square-enix]

i know that processing your grief on social media is dumb and probably not productive but i feel like processing all of it quietly is going to make my brain break. when i turned 23, i told myself “by default, things pretty much have to get better” and in the past month they’ve only gotten worse

in the past 14 months, i’ve developed two extremely debilitating and disabling autoimmune disorders, almost died from said disorders multiple times, had to beg insurance companies for my life over the phone, lost my job, developed multiple substance abuse problems to deal with the trauma of being sick and having to quietly shoulder the anxiety and self-loathing of the stuff i mentioned yesterday, and had a horrifying and traumatic surgery that caused me a month of excruciating pain and had horrible complications. im an opioid and benzo addict and a binge drinker and i can’t count how many times ive relapsed and i’ve had multiple overdoses in the last year. my uncle is an addict and he destroyed his kidneys and just went off dialysis because he wants to give up and i feel like i’m watching my future

somehow i’ve managed to go to school during all of this and got the 4.0 GPA i needed last semester, while working with a disability, to bring my grades up enough to go to grad school, but the school changed all my grades to pass/fail and negated my GPA for the semester due to the pandemic, so now i have no idea if i’ll qualify for grad school or if i can even go now because again, i’m too sick. i cancelled my appointment to discuss starting chemo because i just don’t care anymore, but my medication for my illness isn’t working anymore and i’m getting sicker and sicker.

i feel like an asshole for placing so much hope in one relationship because it wasn’t fair to the other person. i don’t think i was dependent on him but maybe i derived too much happiness from the relationship and i should have found better balance elsewhere, i don’t know. i got really into exercising when my illness briefly went into remission but then i became bedridden again and i didn’t really have anything to look forward to after that

again i know this public pity party isn’t a good look and it’s kind of pathetic but i dont even know how to process all this grief and trauma. i don’t have access to therapy and i don’t want to unload all these thoughts on my friends 24/7 so i guess im just posting them in the void. ive had about 300 calories since sunday and i have four exams next week that i havent even started to think about. im so close to getting this math degree that i worked my ass off for and i just dont care anymore. i dont feel like a person anymore

[ain]

How do you deal when a friend reminds you of somebody else that left you with such emotional trauma you start panicking everytime you see their name, so you start panicking when you see the friend’s name too even though all they’ve done is take a little too long getting back to you ?

okay so - take this as just an opinion, i'm really not a professional is it the friend's name that panics you ? if so, explain the situation to them, and ask them if you can refer to them by a nickname .

if you're not comfortable with that or talking about their personality (i'm guessing these are aspects of their personality unrelated to what caused you trauma - if they are mistreating you, i don't think it's a good idea to be friends w them) or appearance, i think unfortunately the only way is to talk to a professional so you can resolve the impact of the trauma you suffered through . i went through the same thing, and honestly i'm still trying to get over the latest bit of trauma tm from my ex fkfhf but ! you just have to sort of detach the person that hurt you from their good/neutral qualities if that makes sense ? if they liked the colour yellow, you need to detach the colour yellow from their existence . that sort of thing .

the how is something i'm very hesitant to comment on . when it comes to trauma and resolving trauma, especially the kind that makes you panic, one wrong thing cause a spiral and i simply just am not qualified enough to respond in a way that i'm sure will do no harm :( maybe i could give you more specific tips about what you could do if i knew more, but given the amount of information i have now, i feel like even the most innocent advice could go wrong and i really dont want to cause any harm :( i really hope you understand ♡

if you want to talk about it more, i'm here to message always ! and remember, someday their name won't cause a reaction . someday their name will just be a name ♡

[redandfranticfeelings]

i am a whole month late but i saw frozen 2 and i actually have Opinions TM? which may not be very good, im not a good movie analyst, but this was a weird one. spoiler alert!

i like the backstory of anna and elsa’s parents and i like the idea that elsa’s powers are a gift, even though they really could have played into the powers being a gift more given how often she’s seen them as a curse. but they also kind of put the parents on a pedestal too much considering how they emotionally abused anna and elsa in the first movie. i would have loved to see the girls grapple with that trauma as well as remembering the good about them and feeling bad about their deaths.

on that note, they reference the first movie so much but it feels very gratuitous because a lot of elements feel detached from similar elements in the first movie. olaf recapping the entire first movie was funny but didn’t need as much time as it got.

that sums up olaf well too, actually. his anti-nihilistic personality was so batshit to me that it amused me, i like the idea of him dealing with maturity and change because it almost seems to be a deconstruction of his character archetype, and something that a lot of people who have aged since the first film could relate to. but it kind of came out of nowhere and then went nowhere, and he ironically ended up acting even more immature at times than he had in the first movie so it felt like they had no idea what to do with him, which sucks when he’s given entire scenes that don’t connect much to the plot. his song was probably my least favorite part of the movie, it felt even longer than his song in the original which at least served as a funny establishing character moment back then.

kristoff’s plot was sitcommy and meh and he was inconsequential to the story so much they p much forget about him in the second act but i gotta admit his song was so batshit bizarre it cracked me up. plus he is really endearing, even though they did not elaborate enough on his relationship with anna at all (and the first movie was already a bit rushed in that department). i would have liked more on how he sees her as a guiding figure in his otherwise very directionless life. in fact that could have even been subtle foreshadow for her role as a leader at the end of the movie!

as for anna herself...i like the idea of her plot! i like that she’s so paranoid and traumatized about elsa going anywhere alone and has to overcome that when elsa basically ascends to a higher power. i think people are too hard on her, i get her being overprotective and worried about not being around for her sister given how long she was shut out. it’s one of the few elements that actually seems like a proper follow-up to events from the first movie. i like that elsa is so gung-ho about taking all this responsibility alone but anna has to take up the mantle when she thinks elsa is gone, rather than sit alone and cry about it. however, i do wish her being queen had been built up more. maybe highlight her connection to the people arendelle, or even the northundra people, to show that she has leadership skills when not obsessed with elsa (since she is very personable). granted idk if she actually is qualified to lead a kingdom given how the first frozen is one of the few movies to reference how queens have to deal with things like the economy, but i’m willing to shrug that off since most movies of this kind don’t see queenhood as a responsibility thing but a title of honor.

i like elsa seeking out her history and heritage since that was kind of robbed from her as a child, but it would have been interesting if anna, who actually had her memories wiped, showed more interest in these memories being visualized. however i feel a lot of things came too easily for her. i like the idea that she had to conquer all the elements before she could find the truth about arendelle but idk it seemed like she didn’t struggle much, it just sort of Happened? it didn’t feel like her character developed or changed much. she started off hearing a call, decided to pursue it early on, and outside of a tragically-brief grapple with her parents’ death, just went through these individual challenges with nature basically the same way, by using magic. like as soon as the forest realizes elsa is magic each time it calms down. i get that she’s basically the chosen one but i would have liked a bit more emotional struggle, maybe more leftover insecurity about honing her powers or gaining new ones, maybe a stronger reaction to the fact her grandfather was basically willing to perform genocide due to the same beliefs about magic that had her hating herself throughout most of her life. i guess maybe her freezing to death might represent that, like how the truth hurts, and how her sister trying to make it up to everyone with a massive sacrifice is how she unfroze might be some sort of meaningful metaphor, but idk it felt a little too similar to the resolution of the last movie, and again things felt too easy for her.

super disappointed at how little the sami characters did. given how i’d heard they consulted sami folks to properly represent the culture, i expected the new characters to have a more direct role, but all they did was provide some mild exposition, and even then, anna and elsa found out most things. why couldn’t the people of the forest, especially the elders, just explain what anna and elsa’s grandfather did to them? honeymaren and ryder were cute but did basically nothing, which is sad since i heard so much hype about honeymaren being shipped with elsa.

also the people of northundra being shut out from the outside world by magic is a great parallel for elsa’s situation in the first movie but that connection was barely made because the new characters got sidelined so badly.

it would have been pretty cool to destroy arendelle and rebuild it, or maybe to give the northundra a new gift to replace the false one. but the whole thing with the dam generally felt a bit anticlimactic. and i appreciate a message about reparations and twisted nationalistic history but i dont really know what message they were going for there, and whatever it was, it would have been stronger if we got to know the actual people of the forest better.

the salamander was cute but it didn’t have much of a point any more than the other elements of nature and is almost as much of an Obvious Plush Toy Design as pua from moana. (btw, this movie reminded me a bit of moana, thematically, just way more complicated.)

the songs were nice but i dont remember most of them. ‘show yourself’ was my favorite. i like it better than ‘into the unknown’ lol, maybe because it came later in the story even though i wished there was more power struggle in the scene itself.

[system-of-a-feather]

Early Therapy Story Time with Riku

So I was telling my friend a bit about a kind of funny story of what our first few months / year in therapy was like when our therapist was specialized in Autism and Aspergers with little training with trauma / dissociation. It is just kind of a sit down kind of story so if you wanna read some of our experiences and get a laugh or take whatever lesson from our experience you like, feel free to read below the “keep reading”

-Riku (Host)

Back when we first entered therapy I think in like 2016, I wasn’t host (at best maybe co-host but I primarily was only active to be online and occasionally in our high school band) but instead a now-dormant alter we call TA was “host”. I put “ “ around that because while she was technically host, she switched out a lot and there was little organization in our system due to other issues in the past causing dissociative barriers to be higher than ever and making communication hard for most parts besides Lucille and myself. (which back then we were in active denial about DID and having alters so I just thought of him as my ‘smart brain’)

Originally, our family was extremely against therapy as it was a waste of money and “stupid”, but between a mental health related hospitalization of my middle sister, Lucille and I were able to put a plan to use our parent’s love for looking like the perfect parents against them as to get them to let us “get therapy for 13 weeks for Trichotillomania” and then continue using their desire to look like the perfect parents to keep us in therapy. It wasn’t necessarily the most moral way, but at the point we were at in our mental health, we needed it.

At the time, TA was really not handling our life well, was majorly depressed on a daily basis, and loathed existing to dangerous levels. From what I hear from Lucille and the bits I saw from the headspace, she often compared herself to her “online personality that could do everything where she couldn’t even socialize if her life depended on it”. Aderis, at the time, was a very jaded individual who expected for us to k*** ourselves by the time we were 18 and was behaving recklessly and as a persecutor more than a protector. I was going through abuse through a number of toxic co-dependent friendships and was slowly getting majorly depressed and stressed over how I was living. Lucille was the only active fronter that was able to function remotely well at the time, so he pulled me aside to help get us into therapy since I cared about mental health.

Anyways we ended up with a therapist that specialized in autism and aspergers because we had to hide our intentions with the three diagnoses we had before being aspergers (which my mom said we were said to have at a young age but later took it back??), trichotillomania, and generalized anxiety disorder.

Pretty quickly our therapist picked up that TA dissociated a lot and quickly came across how much she hated her existence and hated that our real life was so shit compared to our online life. Like when asked about what exactly she hated about her life / self she often rambled about how useless she was in comparrison to the life I lead online and how she felt she should just give up on life and live online since it made us happier and was better and so on.

My therapist - untrained in trauma and dissociation - did pick up on the symptom of dissociation and (in hindsight) I realize he probably went ‘shit this is larger than i thought’ and did comment “The differentiation you have between your online self and irl self sounds almost like DID but I dont know if that applies if it is online and offline self since people tend to have similar” and we vaguely addressed handling as if it was DID.

My therapist then commented on how it would be best to try to “integrate” the online and offline self, which is kind of a decent step in thought and theory for our situation, but considering he was unexperienced and handling it - it didn’t quite work that way. In therapy we then began to work towards making the online world and real life world meet which did actually get me back to being involved in our real life as Lucille had me pick people I knew irl that I thought I would be comfortable interacting with online. I picked three people and invited them to a party and only one of them stuck, that person being my current fiance.

From there a lot of work was about trying to bring her “online personality” more into the real world so that she could have the skills she developed online and what not, and essentially that didn’t really work in terms of integration as much as it really just forced me to be involved more. Since I was talking to our fiance online, I had to front more to talk to him in person since TA would get uncomfortable pretty quickly around others and she struggled to trust / get comfrotable around him.

Slowly things generally started to involve me in the real world a lot and at some point TA kind of just decided she was done existing and done fronting and dealing with life and kind of went into a slumber which has lasted the past 3 years. When that happened the system just kinda all turned to me and told me life was now my responsibility as both the most socially adjusted alter, the most passing alter, the alter that was most actively involved in our real life on a personal level and everything.

But like... I guess I didn’t tell this in such a funny manner, but like our original therapist didn’t diagnose us with DID - he wasn’t qualified to nor did he think it was ACTUALLY DID - and kind of worked with it as a weird normal level of dissociation and worked with it kind of like an exaggerated description of sorts. I don’t think for a moment he actually thought of us as separate.

I really just kind of find it funny in hindsight how much effort was put into bringing the “online personality” and integrating it and kinda how it both failed and succeeded in the long run.

It is also kind of why a non-specialist shouldn’t try to work with DID, but also to show I guess that working with a non-specialist can be helpful? Since in the end, what my first therapist did was enable and promote a host switch to the most effective potential host and that did our life a large boost considering TA would likely have been unable to maintain a relationship, manage college, or stick to therapy as full heartedly as I.

With that being said, it did put her in a deep dormancy that the entire system has been trying to preserve until we are in a safe enough life / stable enough situation and all that no matter what damage her waking up and coming out of dormancy might cause that we are 100% certain we can handle it well.

But thats just a bit of our story / night time tale of our early therapy days XD Felt like sharing the story so I hope you enjoyed. Any comments or questions regarding this is fully welcome.

[fruitytrollroll]

imo, loboto's current career progression is a very targeted "fuck you" to his parents' expectations. they absolutely wanted him to be perfect—but the only career option they specifically indicated would be unacceptable was dentistry.

cal specifically picked the career path that would piss his parents off most. given that, if he cares to have a relationship with them at all (and he hasn't killed them/they aren't dead yet), it's probably for the sole purpose of being a vengefully contrary disappointment on purpose. a loboto of another profession would necessarily have different priorities and feelings—like, it says a LOT about a person when he commits to the one career his parents implied they would never respect him for having.

loboto's de-braining habits are a consequence of several factors, upon which you can selectively choose to ascribe greater importance as needed. i think the main one, though, is the trauma the operation saddled him with. if he had been a regular psychic kid, i dont think he'd be doing this stuff (or he'd be doing it like sasha and otto do). and i suspect the lobotomy is also what fueled the resentment that caused loboto to choose dentistry out of spite.

it's also possible his career choices were informed not just by his parents' disapproval, but by his own needs. loboto has hyperdontia (extra teeth) and he was born psychic; early exposure to the necessity of treatment for one's condition can encourage an interest in that discipline to develop. like a physical therapist with bad knees, or a psychiatrist with ADHD, or an orphan who becomes a social worker—such people are uniquely qualified to recognize shortcomings or negative experiences in their treatment, and set out to do better, or just learn more for their own purposes.

but that suggests loboto would have always been a dentist/brain specialist, so let's move on to other possibilities.

if Loboto's profession catered to his parents' preference, that would mean he is, on some level, still trying to win their affection and approval. a loboto like that wouldn't be as resentful or contrary toward his parents (though he still might be bitter to some degree) and his behavior would likely reflect a desire to receive acceptance or reconcile (or repent, in the event his parents are no longer around to reconcile with).

i think if loboto really wanted to suck up to his parents, he'd be a doctor like dad... actually, do we know what dad's specialty is? if dad is a brain surgeon i guess it's possible loboto DID give that a shot, lmao

but anyway, my guess is that a loboto who's trying to appease mom and dad would probably be meeker, more anxious, less independent and less self-actualized, but better at masking all of that under a veil of normalcy. like he's trying to shove all his oddball tendencies in a neurotypical trench coat—or he'd just act like a garden-variety white picket fence repressed nuclear family guy, with a few hot button triggers and the occasional panic attack, perhaps.

after a lifetime of that if he still wasn't good enough for them, he'd probably snap under the pressure and become even more unhinged than before! but with different puns this time, per the newly-discarded profession.

(and whether he'd been exposed to medical learning in the course of training for that profession would likely determine whether his dabbling in brain science was successful or... messy!)

Loboto’s mom lists the things her son could grow up to be: an architect, a lawyer, or a dentist. We all know which one he became although unlicensed. It makes me wonder what his life would have been like if he became an architect or lawyer instead of a dentist. Kind of weird to imagine him being something else other than a dentist. I’m sure he would still have his procedure, would he still try to remove people’s brains though?

So this is an interesting question!

My initial thought was that maybe his parents would have been more pleased with the fact that he picked one of their top choices for profession, which... maybe they would be, but somehow I don't think it would have improved their relationship much. My reason for this is that when his parents are looking down at him in the crib in the memory vault, they're talking about what an "angel" he is and how "perfect" he is. They want perfection out of him, and already they didn't get that because their son turned out to be psychic. Even after the lobotomy I feel that strain would have always been there, even without Loboto becoming a dentist. Even if he had chosen one of their other desired professions.

Even if Loboto became an architect or lawyer, or even a doctor, I feel like his parents would still find something to criticize him over even regarding those professions, because from the beginning they set him up for failure. They had impossible expectations for him, and would probably continuously give him crap over things that they don't approve of. The problem isn't anything Loboto did (well, short of when he actually became a criminal)--it's entirely his parents. I doubt anything Loboto could do would win them over, even after the lobotomy.

As far as stealing people's brains, I'm not entirely sure. I feel like he still could've become a criminal? But unless he were stealing tech straight from the Psychonauts, It's hard to say. His being an (unlicensed) dentist in canon makes slightly more sense as to why he would wind up doing some weird form of brain surgery--while they're both wildly different specializations, they are both medical professions and Loboto would have access to a lot of medical equipment. If he became a criminal in this alternate universe where he became an architect or a lawyer, I'm not 100% sure it would involve brain theft. Which would... then lead to things being very different as far as his ties to the actual canon storyline goes, since that's why he gets wrapped up with the Psychonauts. Plus it's his specialty as an unlicensed dentist/brain surgeon that would make him stand out to criminal clients, I imagine.

But knowing Loboto, I don't think it's possible for him to not stand out.

...Lawyer!Loboto would probably wind up an interesting major character in an Ace Attorney case, I'm sure.

[animuras]

best wishes for the holidays [drabble] [start]

this ‘drabble’ got crazy out of hand and I’m not gonna finish it in time, so we’re breaking it into parts. i’ll get the first two out now, and then update as i finish.

          part i Souta doesn’t see the present for a while. Not for the usual reason, because he isn’t at his own place at all, but at Roma’s, sleeping in a nest of pillows and blankets and the scattered ashes of any dignity he might have ever had. No, he’s actually been in his own room more, trying to see if bashing his head into a different wall will make a difference.

December, December is always busy, only this year, there’s nothing to do. Nothing left to be busy but his own messed up fractured brain, and honestly, after months he’s getting tired of that. You’d think with 25 years of repressed trauma his mind could get more than a couple months of horrific waking nightmares before it started getting repetitive, but most of his life had been empty repetition, anyway. Repetition and habituation. There were only so many things left that could qualify as nightmares and Roma singing off key at 3am had most of them beat at this point.

Most of them, but not all. There’s more left, even now than he’d like. He tries to pretend, like he always has, that he’s fine. After all, there’s entire other universes of anime to watch, novels to read, video games to play. Brand new gacha games, even. It’s almost enough to smear globs of white-out over the days he can hardly remember, knocked off balance by the passing smell of some specific flowers, or the wrong shade of purple hair. There are days when his sides ache, when the scar on his chest feels like its bleeding, when the kakuhou under his skin feel like they’re tearing him apart from the inside and he just lies there hoping they really will, really eat him alive after all this time, just like he’d asked so many years ago.

It’d gotten better for a bit, certainly. Even with the odd Zombie Apocalypse. But, as if on some kind of alarm, as soon as the calendar had flipped over to December, that same month is baby of a boss had marked up on the wall, the gears he’d barely managed to get turning started to spin out again.

It’s almost been a year, give or take an entirely different universe’s counting of time. A year since he’d felt that old man’s blood splash up over his gloves, since he’d felt the give of his sinew and bone under katana’s forged to defend him. A year since he’d conducted that orchestra, hallways of his childhood painted red, redecorated with corpses.  All that waiting and a year ago it really, finally started, he’d dragged the boulder to the top of the hill at last. All that was left was a few quick months of it rolling down, down, down.

And it had, hadn’t it? It had even crushed him under its weight like he wanted, in the end. What more could he have wanted. Would it have made any difference at all if he’d been able to make it through the next few scenes? Would the world have cared? It wouldn’t have mattered, really. He’d have been dead either way.

Maybe he’d have been here, either way, too, spending December in a new universe, (some computer simulation, maybe, he doesn’t even know,) not able to tell the difference between dreams and waking and memories, and too tired to bother to push them away by the middle of the month.

He lays in his bed and watches them, sometimes, the memories and nightmares, the video reel of his life with all its scratches and tears from being played like this so many times on a faulty projector. They transition seemlessly between things that really happen and things that never did, between fact and fiction, recall, imagination, dream, nightmare. If the screaming is real, really coming from outside his door or window, he wouldn’t know. He wouldn’t care.

He watches Kijima tap dance across his floor, his head cut in half, spraying blood everywhere and thinks, with annoyance, how hard all that will be to clean, hopes his roommates, wherever they are, can’t hear the thudding of that peg leg, and its only when the patchwork man phases clear through the wall that he remembers there’s no noise, no blood, not really. The wall beyond him shifts and he’s at Itori’s bar, her usual choice of music playing in the background.

The last thing I need is to get drunk, he thinks, pushing the bottle away from him. How many days has it been since he’s slept?

“How do you know you aren’t sleeping right now?” Itori lilts at him

“I don’t,” he says. “I never do these days.”

“I have to say,” Uta says from beside him, “the scientists have amazing timing, don’t they?”

Souta turns, looks at him from across the cafe table, a cup of hot black coffee in one gloved hand.

“There I was, so excited to see what Tokyo had to offer, but life is never so kind as to give us what we want.”

That’s true, he thinks, as the scene continues to play.

“I can only guess how frustrating it is to have such closely calculated plans interrupted in this kind of way.”

That’s also true.

“Killing your dad so easily… your inspiration is truly priceless.”

“So,” his own voice says, though it takes him a second to place, “They’re all dead then?”

Huh? His head buzzes, and the cafe around him shifts and he was back in that office,  then nowhere at all, then lying in a bedroom, staring at a strangely familiar white ceiling. He sits up, and looks down to see a small silver star in his hand.

Holiday presents were just as bad as birthday presents. Usually food or something consumable or trash, right? And yet here he is.

A wish, huh?

Huh?

There’s no star here at all, no poster on the wall, in fact, this room looks nothing like that. Dreams again, strangely banal dreams.

Which is when he sees the present. It’s not a star, but then dreams like to make those subtle and stupid changes. This must be why he’d put that silly one together.

He knows right away this was another plot of this hell without even looking at the strange name on the tag. He should throw it out. What reason did he have to think this... present would be any more amenable than anything else about this city.

Deja Vu, probably from the dream, nags at the back of his skull. He should just leave it be—

[ part ii ]

[brokendownbrown]

Regret the day I discovered alcohol as self-liberation, cuz really it was a prison.

there's so much to be said about the nature of the beast that shuts down your brain in  sequential order, that  renders consent impossible and  makes so many bad things happen to your body. there's  so much to be said for the pressures we face growing up that are unrealistic to meet. the internalized stigma around our bodies and the weird pressure that creates within as we internalize the violence that caused us the  harm in our childhood and we  continue to injure ourselves in  adolescence. 

to think that sex wasn't for me, that I was an alien, to think that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. for me not to be able to understand what that fundamental thing was, to not be able to get what was happening with me. its a cruel thing to have a child immigrate and then encourage them not to take advantage of resources that are available in the community. to be raised in a world where America wasn't form me and to be given friends who at least on surface cared about me, and showed me an incredible 17th birthday, at least I thought, but I'm so conflicted because it was so chock full of substances, the same substances that took vivek's life at 24. in college where I was constantly feeling like a monster. a layover from high school where I never went to parties and even if I was invited would always feel left out. I think people didn't want to challenge my visible orthodoxy even if it was begging for it. I was screaming for saving and no-one felt obliged. and so I kinda waifed out of school, just amid w weed smoke and beer cans, and loop pedals, and isolation. there I wrote the beginnings of what would become the discography of my life of which most seems lost. but still you start over, and over. eventually you get to a point where you've collected enough that you don't necessarily find yourself going through old archives that you made because the life you lived at the time was just too harmful to recollect. [pause] I understand that when my brain was off and I was trying to battle my demons I was in the company of people who were chasing the dragon but not necessarily for the reasons that I was. its a difficult matter to try to navigate and I really just need to continue to be honest, like my friends suggest. I think there's nooks and crannies in my mind that need to be explored yet and my friends demand better from me. so that's what I'll do. [pause] I guess I'm left with the harm that this person experienced, and I have to give them space to express that. if I don't then I'm not like doing my part, or following my friends advice, and really thats all I have in this stage. why would my friends offer advice if I wasn't going to follow it. [pause] This is a part of my being that is hard to access. I guess tears are coming out and I don't want people who've experienced harm to be lying in my wake. its a difficult matter to navigate but I'm getting good advice and I'd do well to follow it. [pause] I wish I didn't have this sense of romance when it came to drinking, like this james Bond-esque super-hero in a suit in the 70's with guns and explosions and girls. why is this like fueling my romance of what it is to drink. well dressed chavs with smarmy charismatic sneers pasted on their faces with wild eyes and hair blowing in the wind, and a cold glow about them. a sense of danger and freedom. a stubbly chin and immaculate fingernails and dapper dress interpreted through chav aesthetic. [pause] all of this and more seems to run through mind, like the whimsical joy of carrying a beer on the train in the UK and being OK. the freedom and sexiness of it all. but in reality I think about how unsexy being too drunk is. how terrible it can feel to be weighed down by whisky, to have the shades drawn mentally and medically have parts of your brain literally de-activting as per the want of alcohol to manifest. [pause] this grandiose life that wasn't for me, as an immigrant, and a kid with a super religious family, who'd never approve of partying. the knowledge of doing exactly what you weren't supposed to be doing was its own reward, a stab back at the family that would constantly torture you all day with all sorts of clothing potions that you'd never wear, all kinds of smarmy remarks about your body, asking you to weigh yourself on the scales, asking you to change your posture, asking you to change your diet. this always would fuck with me and contribute to a sense of two terrible things. [pause] me and my pal vivek would pain the town red and it was grand, like all the visions of radness that had plagued my pre-teen visions of awesome were manifesting at the age of 19. I was the badass id always dreamed to be, and it nearly killed me. I literally woke up in the ER. vivek, he went out in a body bag. so destructive was our dream. now I talk about liberation and its just weird to think that libation is more of a prison and this is almost a slogan but the truth is damning. damn it. I just wish that I wasn't sold this golden vision of substance abuse as a fast track to badassery. I never smoked a cigarette outside of a few chance parties, and hated it every time. weed never stuck. neither did any other drug. it was always alcohol for me. this weird like, sexification of a substance that was in all likelihood a turnoff the whole time. [pause] and now I guess I have a conversation pending with a person whose experienced harm due to drinking and thats going to be a day of reckoning for sure. I'm being given the harsh truth of things and id expect nothing less from my friends and partners. it is what it is, its nothing to sneeze at and I need to step my game here. I need to center their concerns. they need to know that I hear them. [pause] I grew up around bro's. like I was a chav growing up, also a grammar school kid, over in the UK. a northerner, a manc, a blackburnian, a Lancastrian. we'd wear our uniforms and say our prayers. and thats part of a tradition of schools of that nature going back hundreds of years. it was an old world thing. we were raised to love soccer. that was just the way of it. there were no bones about it, you were there, you were playing the game, you loved the game. it was also a city phenomenon, the blackburn rovers, a team that used to be badass when I was a kid but now don't even qualify for the main league. [pause] soccer was a way for me to continue a part of my culture as an immigrant who otherwise had no place to practice my accent, or any other trapping of my britishness. and then white adult comedians have the audacity to come to me and mock the state of my ability to express my internalized and still remembered Britishness as a sign of my ... [pause] its a lot to delve into. its super painful for me to talk about the way I was harmed by midwest public space to the degree that I had to self censure my own accent in order to find any escape from the harm that was being visited upon me daily by taking up space as a british, identifiably british person with religious garb of a faith they misidentified daily, another thing that I ended up leaving behind to step away from the harm coming my way. [pause] sometimes I wonder where does it end, like this weird tapestry of harm that I've internalized, the pain and the trauma, I go through my narrative and my head spins, and its hard for me to ground myself. but still, here I am all the same. [pause] what can anyone do anyway, given the world. I think about my gender and how thats buried in there somewhere, how I'm an immigrant and how thats kinda elusive for me to understand, how like... so many things. like the difficulty I have with mascara, and the few times I've worn a dress, how they've turned into jokes amongst friends. [pause] my body is a problem for me as I... like... you know, am not necessarily drawn to the standard male stuff with regards to fashion despite my swarthy appearance, and in saying that I feel like its racist to use those words. but I've spoken so few times about all this I have a lot of blunderousness in vocab to overcome. my family used to shame my body, my clothing choice, my posture, my body shape, despite being for many years the sole source of all nutrition for me. straight from my mothers kitchen to my stomach, to my body, to their eyes, their lips, and to my shame, the pain, the harm, the trauma. [pause] and I think about the boy from daycare, when I was a pre-teen, I think about the contact we made, their hand on my cheek, the electricity I felt. I think about my old neighbor, how we were close, very close, and how I missed that, and maybe they never felt the same, and maybe thats why they avoided me in years since. there have always been boys, although I'm not running after every boy I see. I have a type, and when it strikes me, it does. [pause] I'm about to do something really difficult and crazy, and I think it might work, but I am not going to pretend like I have everything figured out, I dont. I'll suck before I do better. [pause] but before all that I need to have this conversation with this person whose experienced harm. it was a surprise, a horrible one, but I have reached out and let them know I'm down to speak, and they seem down too. who knows what the right move is from there. but its important to recognize the harm that went down. and I don't know whats going to happen but it needs to and thats the main thing. on the phone he [their friend] told me to center their trauma over my ego. I'm already there trust me. but sure, feel free to say so. [pause] callouts and callins are triggering to me especially when they occur in this city because they've in my experience been used to fuel racist agendas that never get addressed, because of the power dynamics at play. but in this case I feel like maybe I can go through this process without being too worried about that.

[apsbicepstraining]

Serena Williams refutes trauma incredulities on eve of Australian Open title defence

The world No1 rendered short shrift to suggestions that fitness pertains may have hampered her formulations in Melbourne, claiming she is training at 120, 130%

Getting a straight reaction out of Serena Williams can often be like having a conference with a talking clock. Metronomically, she will recycle her practised responses to difficult questions and the one that holds this Australian Open transfixed on the eve of the opening exchanges is a familiar one: is the best musician in the world properly fit?

Asked to comment on photographs that seemed to show the traumata that cut short her to get involved in the most recent Hopman Cup had not mended, she feigned the sort of callousnes to pending destiny that would not have searched out of neighbourhood in Blackadder IV. No, Im a little tired today, she said. Ive been working so difficult and doing so much work, so perhaps I had a bad attitude out there.

Or perhaps she had yet to squelch the hurting of inflammation that restricted her action in her losing semi-final against Roberta Vinci at Flushing Meadows in September( her last-place Tour appearance) and struck again in Perth this month.

We will know soon enough. Surely, her antagonist during the first round, the talented but erratic Italian Camila Giorgi, will request her as many on-court questions as it takes to determine the truth. Meanwhile, Williams relied on ridicule to fend off further inquests. Was she able to learn at 100%?

No, Im at 120, 130 % right now. This week[ there] has been a lot of work. I actually wanted to have an easy era today. But to me, in my thought, easy is just two hours of really intense working out.[ The knee] actually is really fine. I dont have any rednes any more. Its exactly that I simply necessary some time to get over that little hump.

She held: Ive had a really good preparation. I didnt have the parallel play-act that Ive wanted to have but, after playing for so many years on Tour, I should be able to, you are familiar with, focus on that.

The number of people in the area who accepted that were probably in single toes. As for the assignment facing her in the first week, “the worlds” No1 said: I always seem to have a tough reap, so its fine. Doesnt matter who I play. At some spot you have to play everyone. Thats how it always works out.

Certainly that is true. To acquire seven coincides over a fortnight, sooner or later the winner is going to run into some excellence flak. But Williams resorted to the delusional again when asked what she thought of Giorgi. I dont genuinely ever look at the evoke, she said, so I would appreciate it if you didnt mention it. Thank you.

This wasnt a press conference, it was an gathering, and the queen is ever more impatient with her themes. It was the kind of curmudgeonly act that had seemed a circumstance of the past with Williams as she worked her style towards more tennis history in 2015, falling merely short of a sweep of all four majors. Now she is back in the town where she has already won six durations. If she successfully represents her name, she will reap alongside Steffi Graf with 22 slam claims to result the field in the Open era. But even record does not seem to have tranquilize her mood.

I feel fine, frankly, she said when asked if all of this was weighing on her knowledge. I dont have anything to prove. I have nothing to lose. I can only gain.

Williams was more expansive when a questioner diplomatically swopped tacking and asked her to talk about one of her favourite topics, her sister Venus, whose first-up enterprise is against the British No1 Johanna Konta. Venuss comeback from her vanquishing illness to be seeded in the top eight of a slam for the first time in five years old has been one of the games most uplifting stories.

Serena concurred. Shes played really well. Its really good for her to be back so high-pitched. Ive “ve been there” the whole trip. Ive assured her cultivate extra hard. Ive checked her right next to me just improve, learn, qualify. Now Im finally starting to see some of the results of what shes been training for.

Then came her final negation: the docket grand slam she came so tantalisingly close to shutting last year was not remotely in her guess. Nor would it obsess her this year.

I dont think about it. I never thought about it, really. It was in front of me last year. But it was better wasnt there, so I just think about each tournament as it comes, each participate. Everyone here wants to win the tournament I do possibly more than anyone, so well see.

And with that she was gone, growling and dangerous. Injured or not, it will take some excellent tennis to disclaim her a seventh Australian title.

The post Serena Williams refutes trauma incredulities on eve of Australian Open title defence appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[mahaikita]

rant about money pt. 1

Just the... idea of money makes me so fucking upset. 

I grew up pretty fucking spoiled. Why? Because my parents didn’t. My parents grew up as first generation Americans from poor immigrant minority (asian and latino) families. My dad had 6 siblings, a mom who was a nurse being paid minimum-wage, and a dad that started a new business. My mom immigrated with her 3 sisters to live with her cousins, aunts, and uncles, lived poor and hungry. My mom was told that because her parent’s couldn’t afford to send all four of them to college, they won’t pay for any of them to (because it won’t be fair).

And yet, I grew up in california where I could go to the beach and ski in the mountains. I grew up with a dad that works for disneyland (meaning i’ve gone so many times I’ve lost count). I grew up with parents who wouldn’t quite approve of my interests, but still bought me merchandise. I grew up with parents that supported my art, my dance, my music (though they don’t quite support it now that I’m almost to college). I grew up with so many great things because they want to give me and my little brother what they couldn’t have.

And I understand that. But when your daughter is taking all honors/ap classes (AND STILL SOMEHOW HAS A GPA OVER 3.5!! GO ME!!), is in band (and marching band), is in dance, is (was) in color guard, is in art, participates and auditions for musicals, is in student leadership, is working on getting her license, is stressed about college admission, is stressed about which major to pick, is stressed about her job applications being rejected not once but 4 times despite being more than qualified, is stressed about not having enough money to buy her own things, is stressed about not having enough money to buy her own gas and pay for her own insurance, is stressed about not even having a college fund, is stressed about not having enough to money for SAT/ACT classes or even BOOKS, is stressed about not having enough money to buy FOOD, is stressed about her appearance and her character due to trauma, is stressed about life after high school because even though she JUST turned 16 she’s depressed that she can’t find a job, is stressed that she’s a financial burden because of her extracurriculars, is stressed because of the financial dependency she has on her parents---

is it really necessary to constantly nag about how your daughter keeps “taking your money”?

I’m not entitled to my parents’ money in any way shape of form. BUT, when I ask for gas money? You owe us $20. When I ask for field trip money because we’re performing at Knotts or someplace? You owe us $60. When I ask for ticket money so I can see my friends perform in choir or other school activity? You owe us $10. When I ask for food money because I’m spending time with my friends? (Note that because we’re AP students, we really only hang out once every 4 months) You owe us $30. When I asked for a new pair of jeans because I literally grew out of all of them? You owe us $40.

They always say “If you need money, get a job.” like I’m not already trying!! They always say “If you need money, do some chores.” But I’ll practically clean the whole house and they only give me $5. They always say “You still owe us money.” like I can somehow phase money into existence and pay them back. They always say “We’re teaching you what the real world is like. Nothing in life is free. You can’t just get free money.” Like I don’t already know that. 

I dont know. It feels wrong to rant about this because it seems like I’m whining that my parents won’t give me money, but shouldn’t parents... i dont know... financially support their children? They’ll complain about how expensive it is for me to be in dance and band - like what? do you want me to quit? would you actually put the money you’re spending now into a college fund 16 years too late? because if you would I’ll quit so fast! 

My point is: I legit had to start my own college fund this year and guess how much I saved? $457.45! And guess what I had to do with it? Give it to my parents because I owed them money for being their daughter.

[apsbicepstraining]

Serena Williams refutes trauma incredulities on eve of Australian Open title defence

The world No1 rendered short shrift to suggestions that fitness pertains may have hampered her formulations in Melbourne, claiming she is training at 120, 130%

Getting a straight reaction out of Serena Williams can often be like having a conference with a talking clock. Metronomically, she will recycle her practised responses to difficult questions and the one that holds this Australian Open transfixed on the eve of the opening exchanges is a familiar one: is the best musician in the world properly fit?

Asked to comment on photographs that seemed to show the traumata that cut short her to get involved in the most recent Hopman Cup had not mended, she feigned the sort of callousnes to pending destiny that would not have searched out of neighbourhood in Blackadder IV. No, Im a little tired today, she said. Ive been working so difficult and doing so much work, so perhaps I had a bad attitude out there.

Or perhaps she had yet to squelch the hurting of inflammation that restricted her action in her losing semi-final against Roberta Vinci at Flushing Meadows in September( her last-place Tour appearance) and struck again in Perth this month.

We will know soon enough. Surely, her antagonist during the first round, the talented but erratic Italian Camila Giorgi, will request her as many on-court questions as it takes to determine the truth. Meanwhile, Williams relied on ridicule to fend off further inquests. Was she able to learn at 100%?

No, Im at 120, 130 % right now. This week[ there] has been a lot of work. I actually wanted to have an easy era today. But to me, in my thought, easy is just two hours of really intense working out.[ The knee] actually is really fine. I dont have any rednes any more. Its exactly that I simply necessary some time to get over that little hump.

She held: Ive had a really good preparation. I didnt have the parallel play-act that Ive wanted to have but, after playing for so many years on Tour, I should be able to, you are familiar with, focus on that.

The number of people in the area who accepted that were probably in single toes. As for the assignment facing her in the first week, “the worlds” No1 said: I always seem to have a tough reap, so its fine. Doesnt matter who I play. At some spot you have to play everyone. Thats how it always works out.

Certainly that is true. To acquire seven coincides over a fortnight, sooner or later the winner is going to run into some excellence flak. But Williams resorted to the delusional again when asked what she thought of Giorgi. I dont genuinely ever look at the evoke, she said, so I would appreciate it if you didnt mention it. Thank you.

This wasnt a press conference, it was an gathering, and the queen is ever more impatient with her themes. It was the kind of curmudgeonly act that had seemed a circumstance of the past with Williams as she worked her style towards more tennis history in 2015, falling merely short of a sweep of all four majors. Now she is back in the town where she has already won six durations. If she successfully represents her name, she will reap alongside Steffi Graf with 22 slam claims to result the field in the Open era. But even record does not seem to have tranquilize her mood.

I feel fine, frankly, she said when asked if all of this was weighing on her knowledge. I dont have anything to prove. I have nothing to lose. I can only gain.

Williams was more expansive when a questioner diplomatically swopped tacking and asked her to talk about one of her favourite topics, her sister Venus, whose first-up enterprise is against the British No1 Johanna Konta. Venuss comeback from her vanquishing illness to be seeded in the top eight of a slam for the first time in five years old has been one of the games most uplifting stories.

Serena concurred. Shes played really well. Its really good for her to be back so high-pitched. Ive “ve been there” the whole trip. Ive assured her cultivate extra hard. Ive checked her right next to me just improve, learn, qualify. Now Im finally starting to see some of the results of what shes been training for.

Then came her final negation: the docket grand slam she came so tantalisingly close to shutting last year was not remotely in her guess. Nor would it obsess her this year.

I dont think about it. I never thought about it, really. It was in front of me last year. But it was better wasnt there, so I just think about each tournament as it comes, each participate. Everyone here wants to win the tournament I do possibly more than anyone, so well see.

And with that she was gone, growling and dangerous. Injured or not, it will take some excellent tennis to disclaim her a seventh Australian title.

The post Serena Williams refutes trauma incredulities on eve of Australian Open title defence appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[apsbicepstraining]

Serena Williams refutes trauma incredulities on eve of Australian Open title defence

The world No1 rendered short shrift to suggestions that fitness pertains may have hampered her formulations in Melbourne, claiming she is training at 120, 130%

Getting a straight reaction out of Serena Williams can often be like having a conference with a talking clock. Metronomically, she will recycle her practised responses to difficult questions and the one that holds this Australian Open transfixed on the eve of the opening exchanges is a familiar one: is the best musician in the world properly fit?

Asked to comment on photographs that seemed to show the traumata that cut short her to get involved in the most recent Hopman Cup had not mended, she feigned the sort of callousnes to pending destiny that would not have searched out of neighbourhood in Blackadder IV. No, Im a little tired today, she said. Ive been working so difficult and doing so much work, so perhaps I had a bad attitude out there.

Or perhaps she had yet to squelch the hurting of inflammation that restricted her action in her losing semi-final against Roberta Vinci at Flushing Meadows in September( her last-place Tour appearance) and struck again in Perth this month.

We will know soon enough. Surely, her antagonist during the first round, the talented but erratic Italian Camila Giorgi, will request her as many on-court questions as it takes to determine the truth. Meanwhile, Williams relied on ridicule to fend off further inquests. Was she able to learn at 100%?

No, Im at 120, 130 % right now. This week[ there] has been a lot of work. I actually wanted to have an easy era today. But to me, in my thought, easy is just two hours of really intense working out.[ The knee] actually is really fine. I dont have any rednes any more. Its exactly that I simply necessary some time to get over that little hump.

She held: Ive had a really good preparation. I didnt have the parallel play-act that Ive wanted to have but, after playing for so many years on Tour, I should be able to, you are familiar with, focus on that.

The number of people in the area who accepted that were probably in single toes. As for the assignment facing her in the first week, “the worlds” No1 said: I always seem to have a tough reap, so its fine. Doesnt matter who I play. At some spot you have to play everyone. Thats how it always works out.

Certainly that is true. To acquire seven coincides over a fortnight, sooner or later the winner is going to run into some excellence flak. But Williams resorted to the delusional again when asked what she thought of Giorgi. I dont genuinely ever look at the evoke, she said, so I would appreciate it if you didnt mention it. Thank you.

This wasnt a press conference, it was an gathering, and the queen is ever more impatient with her themes. It was the kind of curmudgeonly act that had seemed a circumstance of the past with Williams as she worked her style towards more tennis history in 2015, falling merely short of a sweep of all four majors. Now she is back in the town where she has already won six durations. If she successfully represents her name, she will reap alongside Steffi Graf with 22 slam claims to result the field in the Open era. But even record does not seem to have tranquilize her mood.

I feel fine, frankly, she said when asked if all of this was weighing on her knowledge. I dont have anything to prove. I have nothing to lose. I can only gain.

Williams was more expansive when a questioner diplomatically swopped tacking and asked her to talk about one of her favourite topics, her sister Venus, whose first-up enterprise is against the British No1 Johanna Konta. Venuss comeback from her vanquishing illness to be seeded in the top eight of a slam for the first time in five years old has been one of the games most uplifting stories.

Serena concurred. Shes played really well. Its really good for her to be back so high-pitched. Ive “ve been there” the whole trip. Ive assured her cultivate extra hard. Ive checked her right next to me just improve, learn, qualify. Now Im finally starting to see some of the results of what shes been training for.

Then came her final negation: the docket grand slam she came so tantalisingly close to shutting last year was not remotely in her guess. Nor would it obsess her this year.

I dont think about it. I never thought about it, really. It was in front of me last year. But it was better wasnt there, so I just think about each tournament as it comes, each participate. Everyone here wants to win the tournament I do possibly more than anyone, so well see.

And with that she was gone, growling and dangerous. Injured or not, it will take some excellent tennis to disclaim her a seventh Australian title.

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