#guess I'll get to fully capture that feeling in a bit!

[pedge-page]

Can we pls get more lactation kink !! No one writes them like you

Ask and you shall receive! I guess I'll just take the title of "Lactation kink" Queen 👑

Joel Miller x F!reader

Warnings: breastfeeding, Lactation kink, dry humping, frottage, first rough dom!joel then lil bit soft sub!Joel, premature ejaculation, little breeding kink at end

18+ ONLY

- - - -

Joel all but manhandled you across the living room. You can't even get out a greeting before he was groping you and slamming the door behind him shut. He throws you down on the couch, fingers digging into the cups of your tank top before roughly yanking down, tearing the fabric in two.

"Jesus, Joel!" You gasp. You go to cover yourself and your nude bra, but his claws  throw your arms back to your sides with bruising strength as he gets to his knees. His torso is positioned between your legs, caging you to the couch.

You feel the rumbles in his chest against your belly when he growls at the sight of your overly swollen breasts practically begging to be set free from your bra clasp. He pulls the wire frame down too, exposing your nipples as the fat of your tit droops over.

"Mine," he he snarls hungrily through clenched teeth.

His arms snake under your armpits, forearms flat against your back with his palms splayed over your shoulder blades, bringing you close to him until his warm mouth latches on to your sensitive nipple.

You gasp, immediately going to craddle his head.

He gets like this sometimes. Usually after watching you breastfeed your baby, or when he's had a rough day at work and all he can think about is escaping in your supple mounds.

Today is the latter.

He sucks around your pebble, tongue swirling to perk it up before the milk starts to flow into his wanting throat. You both groan together. Pressed so tightly against him, feeling all the aggression slowly dissipate from his body at the taste of your sweet milk.

He feels safe. He feels at home.

"That's it," you coo, fingers sifting through his locks as he closes his eyes and breathes deeply through his nose between each massive gulp. "Take your time. 'S all yours."

He usually starts with quick swallows before just letting your creamy liquid pool in his mouth for a bit then gulping a large load at a time. Little satisfied hums escape his throat with each encouragement of his appetite.  You would never deny him this, not that you think you could actively try with the grip he has. His callused hands slowly caressing along your back, rubbing you soothingly as he gets lost in your warm embrace.

He pulls away finally, stuttering a pant as a trickle of milk seeps from the corner of his mouth. You see the lust in his dreamy lidded eyes, his tongue darting along his lower pouty lip to capture any remaining taste.

"Better?" You ask gently. He rolls his head into your petting of his hair.

He just grunts. One hand grasps the bridge of your bra before he's tearing it from your body with inhuman strength and throwing it carelessly behind him, fully letting your plump girlies free.

He smirks at the sight, the heft of your bosom still bouncing. His tongue falls from his mouth, curling up to scoop your other sore tit into his mouth, teeth latching on the fattened part just gently enough to hold suction before he's suckling more milk again.

You both close your eyes and find calm.

Until the gentle rocking of Joels hips into the couch leg stirs you.

He pulls away and nuzzles his forehead in the valley of your mounds, glancing down at the weeping stain of  precum forming at the tent in his pants. He can smell your pussy from here, palm tracing along your inner thigh before his fingers part your panties and glide along your slick arousal.

You hope maybe hes going to take care of you, press his nose against your little beating swollen nub, but instead he withdraws and smears his sticky fingers over your tits, across your nipples, admirning the shine of your slick before licking the salty-sweet mixed taste of your pussy and milk from your soft skin.

Joel's arms hook under your ass and pulls you down to the floor with him, stradding his thighs with his cock pressed between your bellies.

You unzip his jeans and pull his hardened length out, tugging along the red tip with full strokes. "Ah-ahh-ahh baby," he whines, eyes closed as you pump him. "You feel--so good touchin' me."

He spits downward so his saliva falls to his tip, your hand immediately working the new lubricant down over his base then back up again.

His arms wrap around your waist once more, pulling you flush against him with his haggert breaths fanning on your chest. He sucks a few deep breaths before putting your pebbled nipple back in his mouth, grinding you against his body so he mushroom tip rubs right under your lower boobs.

You hump him, desperate to relieve the ache between your legs, but careful to not let your tits slip out of his mouth. With the secure grip he has on you, it doesn't seem likely anyway. You can feel his precum wetting your tummy and his shirt, moaning at the thick protrusion between you, twitching along your stomach, right where it would normally split you open and nestle deep inside where no other man had bred you before.

You want it inside. Want it filling you again and again. Spilling his seed safely into your waiting womb once more and giving new life.

"Daddy," you hum.

You feel his breath getting faster, k-9s sinking further as he ruts his hips along yours. "I want you to make me a mommy again."

His nails dig into your flesh, voraciously sucking reverently again, pulling you close, close, closer with desire to meld you into him and never leave. Mine, mine, mine, he chants in his mind: more more more.

I want you to put another baby in me".

His body seizes beneath you, and he can't stop his pathetic ragged painful moans, pulling away with milk spilling from his lips, eyes scrunched closed as his cock pulses thick ropes of his seed until its between your bodies and leaving a thick creamy sticky hot mess gluing you together.

You stare down at him as he gasps heavily.

"You're supposed to do that inside me."

But he's still so fucking GONE, coming down from the high of the intensity of his orgasm, of your milk still lingering in his taste buds. He just pants through his sinful lips, looking at you all drunk with no comprehension behind his wide blown eyes, unable to form coherent thoughts, let alone words.

- - - -

Permanent taglist:

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrs-oharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96

[minho-hoho]

7:08pm

genre! drabble, fluff, established relationship pairing! bf!renjun x gn!reader warning! lowercase intended, not proofread WC! 0.55k A/N! first time writing for nct dream lol. steering away from yandere stuff, not completely, but branching out yk?

MASTERLIST

carefully created by the gods themselves, each eyelash drawn by the angels, stars delicately placed in your eyes. the light shined brightly in them, reflecting your past, the present and a promising future. your eyes told so much, renjun could dedicate a whole thesis about them, it was one of his favourite things about you. there was so much to capture and he wanted to so you justice, and so, he moved his brush with fast but precise strokes, eager to paint you.

there was your smile too, god your smile. renjun couldn't get enough it, truly. how could he even begin to describe it? he was probably obsessed with it. obsessed with the way it illuminated the whole room. obsessed with the way it warmed up his heart each and every time. obsessed with the way it never failed to make him fall deeper for you.

noticing the enamoured smile dancing on renjun's face, you moved slightly to look at him properly. the sight made you fully melt. your hand reaches out to poke his shoulder gently to grab his attention. he looked at you curiously, that smile on his lips not fading.

“why are you moving? you know you're supposed to stay still when you're a muse...” he remarked, his voice soft and gentle, as if you were the most precious thing to have graced the earth, and to him, you were.

you simply shrugged and smiled wider. “i don't know, i saw you smiling... what's got you smiling so hard, hm?” you asked, feigning curiosity when you knew very well why he was smiling.

“i don't know, i just love you i guess.” renjun pretended to be annoyed as he often would, rolling his eyes. but you knew better than to believe his side-eyes and disinterested tone. if he wasn't whipped fro you, would he really go through the trouble of painting you so beautifully?

“who knew the huang renjun could be so sappy and sweet towards his girlfriend!” you laughed at your own words, not missing the way renjun's lips curved up despite his characteristic glare.

“don't you talk too much for a muse?” he sighed dramatically. he turned to fully look at you before gently placing a delicate brush stroke of blue paint on your cheek. then purple paint across your nose.

soon, each bit of your exposed skin now a canvas of its own. you kept giggling at the tingly feeling of the brush swiftly running across your skin. to renjun, this was a sight worth painting, worth exposing in the most prestigious museums and even then, he's not sure it would be enough to truly showcase your awesomeness.

“i'll finish the painting later... come here...” renjun carefully placed his painting supplies and canvas aside before wrapping his arms around you. “i'd rather cuddle for a bit.” he murmured softly, lips ghosting the sensitive skin of your shoulders. “i knew you'd miss me and all~” you teased him but not without wrapping your arms around him as well, closing your eyes.

this time without teasing you, he truthfully answered, “of course i'd miss you, my love.” you fully buried your head in renjun's neck, as he smiled in content, knowing he had you wrapped around his finger like you had him. “i love you.”

[kouyou-arc-when]

Theory on Fyodor's ability: Crime and Punishment

With the latest chapter, I can sort of imagine like 30 theories about what Fyodor's deal could be. Honestly, there are so many hints scattered way back from Untold Origins until now about the large-scale world-building of Bungou Stray dogs that we can imagine all sorts of possibilities for a person like Fyodor. I'll attempt to entertain one of them (this is not my only theory). In my opinion, it is clear he has a power that allows him to "endure" for long periods in one shape or another. That could be resurrection, reincarnation, regeneration, life force related power..- I guess the easiest way to describe it is an ability that helps him stick around. Right now Fyodor appears immortal, but I want to theorize on different aspects of what we know about him. These are key elements I want to focus on for my theory - they helped me narrow down certain options. I feel like the solution to the puzzle is figuring out how one ability can allow him to kill people and remain alive for long periods of time. 1. Fyodor's health, lifespan, and care for personal security: From what we've been able to gather, it seems Fyodor was alive in the 15th century, based on certain references from the latest chapter. However, there is an interesting aspect to his character: He cares very little for his physical safety - he gets intentionally captured all the time. We know this to be true from the time he got caught by PM, and there are theories he also ended up in Mersault partially because he wanted to be there. Within the latest chapter, he appears to have been captured by Bram's people on purpose once more. Furthermore, he tells Ace that he is prepared and "trained" to endure starvation.

This isn't the only time he gets in harm's way - arguably the entirety of Dead Apple was him putting himself at risk. Even so, while he MAY be immortal, and he puts himself in danger of losing his life, he is very sensitive about his health. In one databook, he mentions that his number 1 weakness is specifically his weak, sickly constitution. It seems getting ill is so upsetting to him that even if he survives a difficult endeavor like getting drowned, it's something he "isn't able to afford". Fyodor mentions this when he tries to drown Sigma and Dazai. He is anemic and hates getting sick/needs to be very careful about his health, every cover is drawn to show his dark circles and pale skin, Fyodor even admires good complexions on other people because his isn't that great according to databooks. This is a huge part of his character, and whenever we see additional material about Fyodor, there is 50% chance it's about his health issues (even for DA side material, the joke was he can't do much on weekends because his doctor told him to be careful about his blood pressure, according to one bit). What could this tell us about him? Fyodor constantly complains about getting ill: if he can regenerate ultra fast, this typically wouldn't be a problem. He says getting sick would be "intolerable for him". Ultimately, in a logical setting, an immune system largely allows a person to "regenerate" and many sickly people have a reduced capacity of doing this. Fyodor being able to regenerate super fast doesn't make a ton of sense. It is perhaps possible that Fyodor can regenerate large chunks of damage, but then his body enters a state of "suspension" which is why he's sickly - however, this doesn't fully track with the rest of what his abilities can do. I believe the biggest issue with Crime and Punishment is figuring out how the same ability that can kill others also allows him to live a long life (assuming this is all one ability). To continue examining this aspect of Fyodor, the wounds on his hand from his tick of finger biting don't seem to regenerate any faster than regular?

Harukawa is not overly consistent with any of this, just like most mangaka, and we don't see Fyodor biting his hands much later down the line, but there are a couple of times when it seems she's drawing him with wounds and scars on his arm.

I can remember like 2-3 other panels that show a lot of mini-scars, but manga artists tend to not be consistent with this level of detail. Hands are hard to draw af.

2. Bleeding I am pretty sure Fyodor's ability has to do with blood. I always theorized that he murders people by sacrificing some of his own blood, leading him to be anemic - there is very specific bleeding imagery whenever he kills people, and they usually die from bleeding out. I thought that was his "punishment" for committing a crime.

How would this work into immortality? In Christianity, life is heavily related to blood. You'll hear phrases like "Blood of the covenant", "blood of a lamb", and "sacrificial blood". Every person he kills "bleeds" out, yet he is anemic? Seems too random for it to be unrelated. So, what do we know? 1) He was alive in one way or shape in the 15th century, those are his memories, implying he, as a soul, has existed for over 600 years. He is long-lived. 2) Fyodor appears to be relatively unconcerned with dying, but appears to be worried about getting sick? 3) Fyodor himself says that being ill is his biggest weakness. It's canon he is anemic, and his health never gets better. 4) His scar from getting slashed by Bram healed since then, since there is no scar right now.

5) The wounds on his fingers don't heal super fast, meaning he likely doesn't have hyper regeneration. Being so sickly implies he doesn't have pure regeneration as well (from a logical point of view, but I suppose in a fictional setting it could make sense depending on how sensitive Asagiri is to detail). If he had regeneration, even to a baseline of his regular sickly self, he wouldn't say getting sick was "intolerable" for him, in my opinion. Fyodor isn't dramatic to complain about shit that doesn't get to him - he's alright with starvation and getting beaten. This sounds like he's afraid of more permanent damage (as an immune-compromised person, I can relate) If he got much sicker, he'd return to his old self eventually if he could regenerate, and he wouldn't have to worry that much. It is more likely he has something like complete resurrection from a state of being dead, rather than being able to regenerate over time. That follows what we already know. 6) His ability is connected to blood - making others bleed, and he himself being anemic. Blood in Christianity is associated with life. Does he have some form of life force manipulation? How does all of this come together? He is old af - meaning there is something up there. How could the above connect with immortality? A super sickly immortal? Why is he so sickly if he could regenerate? How would the same power that helps him live long also help him kill people?

I think it's possible that whatever he does with his abilities wears him out, and he has to change to another body eventually. Possibilities: 1) Killing people makes him sacrifice blood, so he gets sicker, until he dies. 2) Whenever he dies, it takes him a while to come back, so he can't afford to get sick and miss out on plans. However, if he has to die, it's still not a big deal if the reward is worth it, especially since he can come back, and others cannot. 3) Purely dying and reviving is easier than just switching to another body from sickly decay. The guy seems to panic more about getting sick than getting killed. Meaning he possibly has "periods" between resurrection/reincarnation/reviving. Perhaps he needs to die to revive into full health.

I guess it's possible that Fyodor's ability is related to life force itself? But how does that relate to the Crime and Punishment aspect?

Right now, I'd like to theorize that Fyodor's ability is essentially to "possess" people like a demon. Stay with me here. I'll try to explain what I mean by this: Fyodor can "possess" bodies. If he possesses them the right way, he takes over them and "rewrites them" to become him, including the physical appearance, which is why he looks the same throughout centuries. If he possesses them "wrongly", they die. The "crime/sin" is taking the body of another person - this is a profound violation in many religious teachings. "Possession" is a sin. Being able to possess bodies is one of the main trademarks of a Demon, which is how Fyodor is always nicknamed. Before he dies, he can change bodies.

I guess the easiest theory for me to imagine is that Fyodor is just a consciousness at this point, and he needs to "possess" bodies to keep living. Every single body he possesses occasionally wears down (this is the "punishment" part of his power), and he needs to keep finding new ones to keep living. Killing people wears down his current body even faster. Every time Fyodor "possesses" a new person he completely returns to his "baseline" form, and that is why he has no "old" scars from the 15th century. I assume finding a good body to possess may be more difficult, so that is why he avoids wearing down the current body with his power. Perhaps he starts killing his current host to possess another? And that is why he starts losing blood, making him anemic. The trick is that he doesn't finish the process. The reason Sigma was "brought into the world" was for Fyodor to have another "clean" body to possess. Asagiri even mentioned that Sigma was created in relation to specifically Fyodor's color pattern. Additionally, Asagiri told us to pay attention to "Chekhov's gun" cliffhangers, and this is one of the elements of the story we never got a resolution for - why was Sigma brought into this world, and why was he specifically made in relation to Fyodor's character? Having a body created by the Book, as a clean slate, may be perfect for Fyodor. Perhaps he cannot fully recover anymore from his broken health, even when he "reforms" after possessing someone, and that is why getting sick is worse for him than death - every time he "possesses someone" and takes their body, his body recovers less and less. Now, I want to elaborate on this. Why did Crime and Punishment not attack Fyodor in the mist? I guess one possibility is that Fyodor is a sentient ability. An ability that keeps possessing people.

Fyodor's ability won't attack him, because it is the consciousness controlling the body. "Crime and Punishment are close acquaintances, the borders between us vanish"

His fake speech to Sigma might be based on "half-truths" I have a theory that Fyodor's power ultimately synthesized with his real personality and became one indistinguishable whole. "The borders between us vanish" could possibly be a reference of the border between him and his power disappearing and leaving him corrupted. In my opinion, this would also explain why Fyodor wants to get rid of abilities - he wants to remove this curse from himself. While the ability may have conjoined with the real Fyodor, it still may be lost in how to act, and the real him continues being the root of all his desires. Dostoevsky's character was based on a chapter from Brother Karamazov where Vanya talks with the Devil - I feel like this is a huge hint to his character and the possible "possessive" part of his ability. Did human Fyodor summon a devil and had it become his power? Are abilities demons? Honestly, there are so many ways to interpret what we're seeing in BSD at the moment. I find it interesting that Fyodor wanted to see Bram and his "evil"

I think Fyodor may be fascinated with the existence of "good" and "evil" as equals - and is possibly fascinated by why "someone like him" exists. Why would God create an ultimately "evil" ability? And what about others who were born with evil powers such as Bram? They are just like Fyodor, which is why he relates to him. I feel like there is a lot of discussion to be had about the possible origins of abilities - the religious imagery, decay of angel themes, Nephilim theories, but I will leave this for another post. Also, I could write pages about Fyodor's ability, backstory and how it may be influencing his world view. I sort of have two theories in my head: Fyodor is a demon, or Fyodor is a human who was influenced by his "demonic" ability. I wrote this in a rush, so it's not well thought out at all, just a bunch of rambling, so thanks for reading again <333

[neonghostcat]

Brain Overflow

You know how in my last 'state of the author' post I said I could feel the urge to write coming back?

Oh, it has.

It's terribly inconvenient too. I'm going to tell you a little about some of the things I've been thinking of and then whine/wibble a tiny bit if you click through to behind the cut. (You don't have to read the last bit!)

I've written down three different SVSSS (LiuShen) ideas in the last couple of weeks, added a few thoughts to older ideas, made a mental note of possible Cultivate extras, and just refused to write down others so as not to encourage rampant plot bunny breeding.

But let me tell you about a few of them because I'm hoping it reduces the urge to work on them better than just typing up notes.

The Lady Blackbird fusion Not sure what Lady Blackbird is? Well, it's a free tabletop rpg that you can download here. But the TL;DR is, "Sort of like steampunk Star Wars: A New Hope + Firefly + potential Jane Austen novel, if you want." I'll just C&P the pitch here: Lady Blackbird is an Imperial noble fleeing from an arranged marriage to be with her secret lover, the pirate king Uriah Flint. To reunite with him, she has hired a notorious smuggler and the crew of his skyship, The Owl. However, The Owl has been captured by an Imperial cruiser. How will Lady Blackbird and the others escape? What dangers lie in their path on the way to the pirate king’s lair? Can you see where this is going? (Actually, probably not your first thought, no.) We start with Shen Yuan transmigrated in a xianxia-by-way-of-steampunk gown, sitting in a jail cell with several men, a teenage boy, and a veiled teenage girl. System helpfully informs him that he is now "Lady" Blackbird, on the run to end up in the arms of Pirate King Mobei-Jun. His cell-mates are, as follows: Smuggler Captain Liu Qingge, Lady Blackbird's personal bodyguard Liu Mingyan who suggested her brother when LB said she wanted to escape, the ship's mechanic Shang Qinghua, the ship's doctor Mu Qingfang (or they pick him up later, I haven't decided), and "a goblin named BingBing". While SY is busy freaking out that System can't fool him - that's the Protagonist, Luo Binghe!!! wtf!!! System says "later, loser" and more-or-less abandons him (though still employing an OOC ban). So now you can probably see where this is going, lol. It involves at least a brief period where SY has to crossdress and pretend to be one of Binghe's future wives - a fiancée/wife of Mobei-Jun as Liu Qingge gets very conflicted feelings about his troublesome passenger. Featuring lots of Cumplane friendship, sassy MQF (as a treat), teenage smirking (likely aided and abetted by the adults), and space whales (naturally). I have not yet fully decided if the story Shen Yuan read was PIDW and now he has to figure out how the infiltration of "space with gears on it" into his xianxia has fucked up what he and Airplane know, or if the story was something like "Proud Immortal Starlit Way" and it was always like that. (Thoughts?) ---

The "SY Bodysnatches MQF" idea What it says on the tin... SY accidentally ends up in MQF's body instead of SQQ's. Only MQF isn't gone - he remains. This occurs directly before the Demonic Invasion and double qi deviation part of the plot and they rush back to the sect to deal with that. Then things get messy while they conspire to get SY his own body. Featuring: An extremely confused Liu Qingge, eventual Shenbros, and aro-ace MQF being very bemused at all times. ---

The "LQG Gets De-Aged/Age-Regressed" idea As you can guess: LQG gets age-regressed. This happens in Lingxi Caves instead of his death-by-deviation. He latches onto SY-SQQ and SY-SQQ is helpless to do anything but take the cute kid in. Featuring: BingLiu friendship, possibly Bing-other disciples friendship, but mostly establishing bro-code that makes Binghe switch his infatuation with SY-SQQ into family feelings as soon as LQG regains his adult body and it becomes clear that LiuShen is happening. ----

This is along with: Joint Custody (LiuShen), my SJ-SQQ second-chance redemption fic (LiuShen and LiuJiu, but different LQGs), a peak lords ascension fic using Cultivate's backstory (LiuJiu), a LiuShen timeloop fic, and at least another half a dozen fic ideas sitting in the hopper that aren't nearly as developed/that I am not burning to write yet.

I'd love to know which ideas you guys are most interested in. ;) Joint Custody is still next regardless and I'll probably not be working on either of the LiuJiu fics in the near future because they are definitely 100k+ territory and I'm still not ready for that. But knowing people are hype for something keeps me hype. ;3

I'll probably be in this fandom awhile, y'all. Please send help.

Sadly, I can't work on any of them yet, because I have over 2,600 messages in my inbox waiting for me to respond to. (This is not a humble brag - this is thousand-yard-stare territory. It was somewhere over 3000 for awhile until I started making a list of people who generally only left emojis or thanks and let them know that I was going to just thank them for all of them in one email so they didn't peppered by replies in kind.)

Not that I'm complaining about them, because I missed replying to comments so much (it's genuinely one of my favorite parts about writing fanfic), but it's still a lot and even if I could manage 100 replies a day (which for mental health reasons, I really can't), it's going to take awhile.

RIP.

More importantly - I hope you are well! 🌼

[katebishopfan]

Sleepy Girl (E.O)

Summary: Y/n is filming Age of Ultron alongside Lizzie and the cast, for some reason she can't stop falling asleep on her (secret) girlfriend.

Sorry this is so short but I didn't have too much to write about since it was such a cute, simple, fluffy plot!

Lizzie POV

I stretch my arms out, blinking the sleep from my eyes, and roll to face my girlfriend. Her y/h/c hair is splayed across the pillows and I watch her lips part as she breathes in and out, still off in dreamland. I turn and grab my phone, wanting to check the time so I know how long I can let her sleep in. It's nearly 8 a.m., the time she needs to be up. I sigh and glance between her and the time.

Maybe I should just let her sleep in? I know she hasn't been sleeping well lately and between filming, running lines, and in her case a LOT of stunts I know how tired she is. At the same time though, I know if she wakes up late she'll be stressed and the last thing I want to do is make her even more stressed than she already is.

"Y/n, baby, it's time to wake up," I whisper softly, my hands reaching out to caress her cheeks. She lets out a small whine and rolls away from me. A smile curves upon my lips and I can't help but feel a little bit giddy at the fact that she's my girlfriend. Mine.

We've only been dating for a little over a month now but it still feels so fresh. Even though I feel like I'm already in love with her, but I guess that's lesbians for you. "Darling, it's time to wake up. It's 8 am." I try again, gently rolling her body to face me and moving her head onto my lap. Her eyelids flutter and she sleepily opens her eyes, looking up at me.

"Mmm, you're so comfy," She mumbles drowsily, her arms reaching out to capture my body. I pull her up fully onto my lap and she nestles her head into the crook of my head. "Can I just stay here forever?" She asks jokingly as I run my hands through her silky hair. It's the one thing I just can't get over about her. Okay, that's a lie, there are several things that I can't stop feeling all flustered about, but one of the bigger ones is her hair. It's like the smoothest thing you've ever felt and in the morning it gets all floofy! Just my favorite thing in the entire world.

"Hmm, well you could, but then we'd miss all of our scenes today and probably get fired." I tease, lifting her head so I can give her a good morning kiss. She smiles and places a quick peck on my lips before cupping my cheek and giving me a proper kiss. After a few seconds we pull apart and she stares into my eyes, making me blush.

"As long as I get to be with you, I'll do whatever." If I thought I was blushing before it was nothing compared to how red my cheeks are now, I probably look like a tomato.

"Is that so?" I reply, raising my eyebrows in surprise. She nods her head.

"Of course,"

This girl... Making me feel all soft.

"Well, as much as I would love that, we should start to get up and get ready." I decide, moving Y/n off of my lap and getting up. She jumps up right after me and I turn around to look at her.

"Shower first, second, or together?" She asks with a mischievous grin on her face. I blush and look away.

"You choose," I reply, not wanting to say together out loud. There's dead silence and then strong arms pick me up and start walking towards the bathroom. "Y/n! Put me down!!" I shout, flailing around. She giggles and places me down in the bathroom.

"You said to choose and I decided on picking you up and taking you to the bathroom." She reasons, crossing her arms and smiling at me.

"You're so annoying," I tell her, rolling my eyes. She nods her head and shrugs.

"You love it,"

•••

Y/n POV

"Yeah? Well, I guess that means that I'm better than you Christopher." I banter back playfully as we wait for the workers to switch over a few things for the next scene.

"Just wait L/n, I'll get you back." He replies, sticking out his tongue at me and making a face. "Plus, who can reach the ceiling when they jump? Not you if I remember correctly." He teases, crossing his arms as he smirks at me triumphantly.

"Scarlett, Lizzie! Chris is bullying me!" I shout, catching the attention of my two favorite ladies who were calmly chatting beforehand. The color drains out of his face and he starts to shake his head rapidly.

"No!" He exclaims a little bit too loud. He moves closer and lowers his voice. "Y/n, I swear to God, send them away before they murder me!" He hisses, his eyes wide and his voice nervous. I smirk at him and feel a pair of arms wrap around me.

"Christopher Evans, what are you doing?" Scarlett asks in an interrogative mom voice. He steps back and holds up his hands in surrender.

"Nothing!" He protests, stepping away again. "Y/n and I were just joking around." He tries to explain as Lizzie tilts her head at him.

"Scar, he was bullying me about not being able to jump as high as him even though he's like five inches taller than me!" I whine, grabbing Lizzie's hand and pouting at her. She smiles at me and shakes her head.

"That's not very nice," Scarlett chastises him, shaking her head. "You can't bully Y/n, she's just a little baby,"

"Hey, wait I'm not a baby!-" I try to interrupt but she just shushes me and stares at Chris.

"Now apologize and go pick on someone your own size and age." She commands, her voice leaving no room for argument. Chris hangs his head and then looks back up at me.

"I'm so terribly sorry for making fun of your height Y/n, you're so incredibly tall and cool." I smile and he clenches his jaw. Scarlett smiles and turns to look away. When she does I stick my tongue out at him and turn back to see Lizzie smiling at me, shaking her head again. I release myself from Scarlett's arms and throw myself into Lizzie's.

"Hi," She greets me, amusement evident in her voice as she wraps her arms around me.

"Hi," I reply, moving a strand of hair out of her face and watching her blush at the close contact of my hands. I rest my head on her shoulder and she runs her hands through my hair gently. Placing a sweet kiss on my forehead after making sure no one was looking. Scarlett turns back around and smiles when she sees us.

"Aww cuties, Y/n, you're such a little sweetheart." I smile. She glances up at Lizzie and then back down at me. "You know if you weren't already an adult, I'd totally adopt you." I laugh and let go of Lizzie, shaking my head.

"I'm pretty sure you've got your hands full with Rose." I joke back, moving towards some lounge chairs out of the way. Scarlett sits down and then Lizzie sits down. Before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm situated on Lizzie's lap. She smiles up at me and I rest my head on her shoulder. A wave of sleepiness hits my body and I let out a yawn. Scarlett and Lizzie fall back into a conversation that I'm barely aware of and I find my eyes slowly closing as I'm curled up against my girlfriend.

Lizzie POV

I laugh at the joke Scarlett makes and glance down at Y/n, who's fast asleep.

"Okay, Liz, be honest with me." I look up at Scarlett with a nervous expression on my face. "What is going on with you and Y/n? You two look at each other as if the other hung the moon in the sky." I open my mouth to protest but Scarlett continues. "I know there's something else going on between you two, I think I'm the only one because let's be honest the others have no fucking gaydar but I can tell."

"No, Y/n and I have just been getting closer lately and physical touch is her love language so we're touchy, that's all," I reply, glancing down at Y/n who has a small smile on her face. It makes me smile too and Scarlett raises her eyebrows.

"See, no one smiles that way when they watch their friend sleep. You two have something going on, I can tell." I shake my head in protest again and Scarlett shrugs her shoulders. "Fine, I won't bother you any further but just know, I'm onto you, Olsen."

•••

I sit down on a chair in my dressing room and scroll through my Pinterest, trying to find cute photos of plants to show Y/n. I save a couple to my board and scroll past the rest, frustrated that I can't find anymore. All of a sudden, a knock on my door jolts me from my thoughts. I place my phone down on the counter and stand up, starting to walk over to the entrance. I open my door and an in-costume Y/n smiles back at me.

"Hey there pretty lady, mind if I come in?" She jokes, talking in a Southern accent. I roll my eyes and open the door for her, immediately reaching out and pulling her into a hug.

"How was filming?" I ask as we lie down together on my couch. She shrugs her shoulder and buries her face further into my neck.

"Pretty good, but I wish I could've had a scene with you." She pouts, jutting out her lip, indicating the fact that she wants a kiss. I smile and place a quick peck on her lips before going back to our conversation. She shakes her head. "Nooo, give me a real kiss." She whines, pulling my face back to hers. I cup her cheek carefully and gently connect our lips, leading our mouths in a passion-filled kiss.

Her lips glide against mine and I savor the taste of strawberry lip gloss on them, something she usually doesn't wear but her makeup artists put on when she's in costume. Her tongue slips into my mouth and she pushes me down onto my back. Our lips never leave each other's as she lifts up my leg and slots it onto her hip, causing my breath to hitch. We continue to make out until we both have to pull away to catch our breaths.

"How was that for a real kiss?" I ask teasingly, pulling her head onto my chest and letting her rest.

"11/10, Elizabeth Olsen." She jokes, letting herself relax as I wrap my arms around her.

"I'm glad to hear that." When I don't hear an immediate response I look down at Y/n and smile.

My perfect sleepy girl.

•••

"Olsen! They want you on set in five and they need Y/n too, have you seen her-" She stops short when she sees Y/n sleeping peacefully on my chest. "Oh," Y/n lifts her head a little, confused at all the noise, and then smiles up at me.

"Mm, I'm sorry, I fell asleep again, It's just because you're so comfy and we didn't get a lot of sleep last nigh-"

"Watching the movie," I interject, staring pointedly at Y/n who raises a brow confused. "We went to bed late last night because we were watching a movie," I add, glancing over at Scarlett who rolls her eyes.

"Oh my God, just say you were having sex and get over with it. Now come on, we've got to be on set soon." Y/n's eyes widen and she looks over at Scarlett.

"Oh, hey, Scar." Y/n greets her awkwardly, getting up off of me and helping me up.

"Let's go girls,"

•••

After what seems like the longest hour of my life the director yells cut and I let out a sigh of relief. It's not that I don't like Paul, he seems like a nice guy but I honestly would way rather be flirting with my girlfriend and not some man. I can also tell that Y/n is getting jealous because of the way she keeps looking at Paul: Like she wants to strangle him. I move over to her and grab her hands, letting her fidget with the rings on my fingers.

"How about we go somewhere private for a sec?" I offer, pulling Y/n towards a curtained-off section. I open the curtains and see some cleaning supplies. Perfect. I pull Y/n into a soft kiss that catches her off guard and she pulls back raising her eyebrows in surprise.

"In here? We only have five minutes." I slap her shoulder and she smiles, placing a peck on my lips.

"Just shut up and let me kiss my girlfriend before I have to go back and flirt with Mr. Red Toaster," I whine, connecting our lips a little harsher this time. Y/n laughs and pulls my waist closer as I throw my arms around her shoulders. Suddenly there's a loud bang from right outside of the curtains and I pull them open.

Robert, Chris E, Mark, Jeremy, Chris H, Aaron, and Paul stare at us with surprised expressions on their faces while Scarlett stands right next to them with a triumphant smirk on her face.

"100$ Robert, you owe me 100$."

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #256

I think I must still be in a bit of a funk. I don't feel quite as bad off as yesterday, but it's still not great, for reasons I don't fully understand.

Well, that's all right. I still went to work, and I still had a pretty great time there. I made cookies and turnovers today, and Ma put the turnovers into nice, neat little boxes:

I spent most of today bagging different kinds of breads and rolls, though, which was also nice. Bread has a lovely smell to it. The routine tasks and the nice smells are a boon to my frazzled brain. I think I must be more overwhelmed from a variety of things than I thought.

...I keep looking for you in various little ways, but lately, I guess it's kinda hard to find things that aren't... weird. In a lot of places, people depict you in a variety of cynical, cruel, and just... generally very unhealthy ways, as though you were violent, vicious, and mean from the very moment you took your first breath, and... I dunno. I guess it's disheartening and disconcerting. I've been spending less time in the various places online that I used to frequent, because of it.

...The uncertainty of whether or not any of the things I've tried to do for your sake will pull through is also feeling relatively unbearable at the moment, for some reason. Three years is a long time to withstand not knowing whether or not someone I've come to care deeply for, someone around whom I've tried to model the kind of person I want to be, will simply up and vanish from existence.

The idea that you might disappear instead of heal and move on terrifies me. The idea of watching you be mercilessly slaughtered a second time... it terrifies me.

...I'll get through it, though, so don't you worry about me. After all, what other choice have I got?

When I returned home, J was absent; he was supposed to go see a demolition derby somewhere I guess, but he changed his mind and went on a walk with one of his friends instead. He took some pictures for you along the way; he captured some pictures of a cute little snake, and some pictures of raindrops on leaves:

...You are loved. And not just by me. Do you see...?

...

I thought I was going to play some Dead Cells today, but J had a lesson at Great Barrington and he wanted me to come along, so I did. He drove, but... I wasn't really inspired by the scenery. I managed to snap a couple of relatively decent ones, but... I dunno...

...I guess I'm not really feeling especially proud of these today. But I hope you like them at least a little, anyway.

I think I might go to bed early. My brain has had enough of today, and I think I'm probably hoping that tomorrow I'll wake up and stop feeling so weird.

...Hey. I know you said that you've endured hell and so you're not afraid of death anymore. But like. Don't... don't give up and just die without putting yourself in a position where you can learn what heaven is like. It's out there. And I know it's out there, because I didn't used to think it was out there, either. And then, against all odds, and with a little bit of work, it kind of plopped in my lap unexpectedly. And I've been doing everything in my power to maintain it ever since.

...I know heaven is real because there's heaven at my house. And I know it, even on icky days like today, when it's hard to see. I know it because I practiced looking for it. Because finding heaven where you look is a skill that can be practiced, like any other. Cultivating a mindset that leads to heaven dropping unexpectedly into your lap is a skill that can be practiced, like any other.

I love you. And I'll write again tomorrow. So please keep yourself safe out there. Please.

Your friend, Lumine

[incalculablepower]

some fics i've liked lately

it's been a weird year. when i made this list of recs back in january i fully intended it to become a monthly thing, but life happened and then i guess it just kept happening. in early 2023 things were ramping up in my new career, i was practicing and playing a lot with my band to prepare for our first show, i was settling into dealing with depression and anxiety with medication, i was getting over a miserable breakup. then i fell in love. i lost my job (the best and most favourite job i've ever had) abruptly this past may. this is my longest period of unemployment since i was a teenager and while you think it would be the best time to lose yourself in fandom, i felt the opposite. fandom was such a lifeline to me when i had a miserable job and was in a bad relationship and needed an escape but i was very present in my own life this summer. i took my partner to visit my family and spent a lot of time with friends and played shows (and recorded some music... shameless self promo once again) and in between i watched so much star trek on my couch. this is such a long preamble to explain why i haven't been fandoming as much lately and why idk if i'll write anything again anytime soon (let's say, once i have a job i want to procrastinate at) but -- i HAVE been reading fic! not as much as before, but i have been, and there's enough for a fic rest list so that's what i'm giving you today. when times are dire [podfic] - @aibidil

drarry. i have such a soft spot for middle aged draco and harry falling in love, the relationships they have with their friends and their grown children. @aibidil reads her own podfics and it's an utter delight. i usually only listen to podfics or audiobooks when i'm doing work around the house but i can going on walks with my headphones just so i could listen to more of this one.

purple haze by @ashesandhackles

romione. i was so so honoured to see this pop up in my ao3 gifts during @thethreebroomsticksfic pride fest this year. it turns the well tread romione ground of shell cottage and the yule ball over a bit, using them as settings to explore a confusing mix of jealousy and sexuality for ron and hermione. ashes knows i love mess with these and it captures that teenage chaos wonderfully, then lets them laugh at it as secure and settled adults.

crookshanks by @ala-baguette

gen. warning that this is a tearjerker, especially if you've ever loved and lost a pet. i think the pure and simple expressions of love and gratitude from crook's pov here would be a comfort to any pet owner.

at some point this year, i got REALLY into the idea of a one-sided dramione. it's hard to look for, especially since it's such a popular ship but i managed to find a few that scratched the itch until i find the time and/or motivation to write one of my own new years eve by 2daughtersofathena, the guardian angel by mylifebelongstothebbc, and a boy of hans by elixirsoflife. the last one being my personal favourite, a grim take on the hanahaki disease trope.

every mother is a grave by witchofimber

this was recced by @whinlatter in @thethreebroomsticksfic discord (btw i feel like no one on my followers lists needs anyone to remind them to read beasts -- but please read beasts) and when i saw "gillian flynn treatment" in the tags i slammed the mark for later button. this is probably the most balanced and realistic portrayals of molly weasley and her role as a mother that i've ever read in hp fic. it's not weasley family fluff but it doesn't devolve into something so flat as bashing either. molly is regular mother with flaws and strengths like anyone else and how they amplify and shift with love and grief and pain and stress and duty and pressure. every single relationship she has with her children is uniquely expressed and the way it ties the past to the direct aftermath of the war is so well done and a great way to organize this giant, messy family. particular care here went into fred and george, giving them their own identities in a way that can be difficult, given the source material. a favourite line:

“Probably have tried to make us name the twins after them.” He stopped laughing, sucked in a breath. “Do you want to?”  For a second she considered it. It would be wonderful, getting to use those names again like living things. But -  “No,” she said. “I - if they were alive, I’d have said no, so I’m saying it now. Let the boys be their own people.”  The truth was that she didn’t want to lose her brothers. To have their faces erased in her memory, painted over with her sons. To have to say no, not THAT Fab, I mean UNCLE Fab - he died before you were born. Anyway, she liked the names Fred and George. It was easier like this. 

the scrunchie by @saintsenara

another fic i've meant to read for ages and finally got around to just yesterday. the background drama of these side characters as a cheap scrunchie from boots floats around them is so perfectly teenage. reminds me of the other series i loved as a teenager around the time HP was coming out: georgia nicolson and gossip girl. i could also compare it to derry girls a little, how despite the environment surrounding them these girls are still being girls, arguing about stupid things and getting crushes on boys and having the absolute most ridiculous blowout fights with your sister (parvati and padma's portrayal here is probably my favourite i've ever read!)

i also can't leave without reccing @saintsenara's wip, one year in every ten. i can't get enough of a good case fic. tomarry/harrymort (both versions of this ship, oddly, apply to this fic) is not something i've ever sought out but i really think the way it's handled here could win over any non-believer. it's sharp and funny in a way that makes it turns into poignancy hit even harder. i screenshotted two full phone screen pages of chapter 27 so i could go back and read them over and over. it might be one of the best things i've ever read from ron's POV (emphasis mine):

It had been a long ten years, with a chair at their table always left empty and a hole in their hearts always unfilled. Grief was exhausting and boring and dully painful, like a slightly sprained ankle which you can still walk on, but which always bothers you a little bit.  But there had been love among the grief. There had been love before the grief - indeed love had caused the grief - and there had been love after. His love for his parents and his siblings had changed, the way wine left in a barrel changes and becomes richer and deeper. There was more sorrow in the love, as he threw a quaffle around with George and saw the tired lines at the corner of his eyes. There was more recrimination, more struggle with the mistakes they had all made in the past, as he finally sat down and had a real chat with mum and dad about how a lifetime of corned-beef sandwiches and maroon jumpers had made him feel. But there was more joy there too. And with joy came forgiveness and understanding and hope and fun.

image used is wildflowers (1915) by tom thomson

[idolish7imagines]

hii um can i rq yamato or mitsuki having their first kiss w the reader in a (different unit/band?) concert. uhhh character paid for his ticket but reader got in bcz theyre a photographer n stuff…. ty…

Izumi Mitsuki x Reader :: Capturing a Kiss through a Lens

Typically Mitsuki would like to spend his day off cooking, relaxing, or having a casual night out drinking, but tonight was a different story.

Tonight he'd agreed to go with MEZZO'' boys to see an indie band that both Sogo and Momo had previously reccommended, and since he didn't feel like being a couch potato or practicing some dances at the dorm, he figured it'd be a good night to go since the tickets weren't pricey.

He just wanted to see what the hype about...and also you saying you'd be attending might've been a factor.

"Mikki is only here because (Y/N)-chan is going!" is a complaint Tamaki had been toting with them from the moment they got in the car to the start of the concert.

There was a nice crowd, but nothing that'd get the venue feeling stuffy, so that was nice. The boys would obviously have to be wearing disguises as to not get spotted and more importantly, not take attention away from the actual performers.

His attention is quickly turning to Tamaki suddenly chiming up and excitedly waving his hand in the air, your name being yelled loud enough to ring through the admiteddly small venue.

Sogo quickly raises up a hand toward his mouth to silence him (which was hard enough considering they were all wearing masks) as to not direct any unwanted gazes your way, you were already a photographer so thats noticible enough on its own.

Mitsuki meanwhile, feels his body become a bit warmer as you make your way over to the group, a casual yet knowing smile gracing your features. He can't even hide his smile, feeling as if anyone looked his way they'd practically see it even through his mask.

You exchange your greetings to everyone and explain why you were there, to which they all listen despite the noise all around them that could easily drown the conversation out.

"Well, sorry to bother you while you're on the clock." Mitsuki says, but by the tone you can tell there's a little tease in it.

"Don't worry about me, I can enjoy the concert and look for good angles and the same time." You reply a bit smugly.

"I guess that's a formidable photographer for ya." He reaches back to rub his neck. You didn't miss that he bothered to compliment you. "I assume you'll be moving around a bit then though, instead of standing by us." A small laugh escapes you, one that has his heart beating a bit faster upon hearing.

"I'll be back around, don't worry." .::.

The speakers were nearly at max volume, filling the venue (and outside of it) with the melodic sounds of the indie band. Penlights weren't really a thing in this scene, but people did raise their hands, something Tamaki quickly caught onto and joined. Sogo was a bit more reserved as always, but the sparkle in his eye when hearing music he enjoys wasn't missed.

Mitsuki himself had joined in on the hype, the energy of the room was infectious, as it should be at a concert.

So much so in fact, he nearly forgot that you were moving around the venue taking pictures. Your camera's flash wasn't on, making it much more discreet and less disruptive to the audience.

You nearly scare him as you quietly slipped by his side again, only seeing you at the corner of his bright orange irises.

Which, unbeknownst to him, you'd been looking into before he even fully turned to you.

Even in the ever-changing hues of the room with the mood lights above, you'd never mistake the color of those eyes and hair.

Wrapped up in your trancelike line of thought, you hadn't even realized he'd pulled his mask down, apparently asking you something judging by his expression. He'd likely thought you hadn't heard him the first time since he felt the need to take the mask off.

Feeling bad you hadn't heard him, you lean in closer so he could repeat himself.

His cheeks seemed a bit flushed and his brow furrows slightly, but he doesn't back away.

"Are...you enjoying the concert?" You could hear him more, but could telll he was going out of his way to not yell in your face despite the music and audience noise since you were already in close proximity.

"Oh...yeah.." You say. Directly after the words left you, you were worried your voice was a bit too low for him to hear.

Though, seeing his adorable smile return to his face, you quickly could tell otherwise.

"I'm glad." He says. Your faces still being inches away from each other..perhaps even closer than you'd started.

"...Mitsuki?" His name comes out a bit more vulnerable sounding than you'd intended.

"yeah?"

Maybe it was the music that had the both of your adrenaline pumping more than usual, and with that, usually came more risk taking.

And yes, maybe it would've been better to get proper clarification, but the looks you and he were giving each other, and the fact neither of you bothered to distance yourselves..

Soon, you find the sweet sensation of Mitsuki's lips on yours, sending electricity through your bodies. His fingers soon found a place upon your cheek, resting there gently.

Thankfully his fellow group members were too immersed in the spectacle in front of them to notice. This would be awkward to explain on the way back to the dorm.

As your lips part, your eyes flutter open to meet his once more.

He certainly won't be leaving with Tamaki and Sogo tonight, thats for sure.

[solarsleepless]

hello. 🧍

do you have any power ranger fic recs? doesn’t have to be trimberly, but i’m kinda in deep about them 😶

OH BOY DO I.

warning: they're all trimberly

"we gladiate but i guess we're really fighting ourselves" by sunnydalehart: a LOOONG fic that plays the idea of what the sequel would be REALLY well. i ADORE this person's tommy. also also it's one of the funniest fics i've ever fucking read you WILL be laughing at all the chatfic moments. a tw for a bit of homophobia in it and canon typical violence ofc

"the art of silence and pretty girls" by lyctors. i'll admit i haven't read this one in a WHILE so idk the plot fully but just trust me bro it's a good read

"truth will out (you)" by andawaywego. trimberly outsiders pov fic. nuff said.

"drown with me" by BerryliciousCheerio. trini angst from kim's pov!!!

"Lessons in listening to your heart, not your head" by tigermochaeyu: a soft fic of different situations where kim Feels so much for trini <3

"Open Your Eyes and See What's Been There All Along" by RealistTrash aka one of the BEST fics i have EVER read i love it sm. soulmates au AND no powers au!

"(don't ask why) I can paint a picture of you in my mind" by crosshatches, another fucking BRILLIANT fic where trini is very gay and very oblivious. another favourite <3

"Falling Like Icarus (I Have Burned For My Love)" by TaikoTurtle. kim being a bi mess and also being jelly. chapter 1 is yearning and chapter 2 is yearning too but Now With Really Well Written Jealousy Angst. <3

pink lemonade is a series, again by BerryliciousCheerio! i highly recommend this, it captures their voices REALLY well and manages to mix heavy angst with fluff wonderfully. heads up, it gets pretty heavy in some places

i have more but it's getting pretty late. hmu tmrw if you want more!

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

So... episode 95... happened...

Spoilers below as always

I... wasn't expecting it to... be like this.... goddamn...

Third Go Rush and Bridge episode to ever make me physically cry. The first was Nyandestar sacrificing herself for Manabu, the second was Kuaidul's death, and the third was... I guess the ending of this episode. It was... sort building the entire episode. This episode does a really good job at making you feel the loss of so many lives in such quick succession even if it obviously can't show all 8 million of them. This felt as though I was witnessing a widescale tragedy of the swift extinction of this species, which is exactly what it set out to do. Even though we didn't know any of these characters personally (apart from Nishaw who I'll get to), just seeing them work themselves to death was enough to leave an impression and paint a picture of who they were... it's... brilliantly agonising.

I still have some problems with the setup. From the summary, I had a problem with Valvelgear wanting to keep their deaths secret at all and Tazaki of all people helping to keep it secret but I think the episode did manage to explain those things in a way that made enough sense for me to be okay with them. Honestly Valvelgear insisting their deaths would burden Yudias too much and Tazaki getting involved and having to bear the weight of this knowledge he has to keep secret due to sheer coincidence upped the tragedy even more and is a point in this episode's favour.

My only remaining problem personally is the way Asaka ends up involved. I think Tazaki asking her to replace the people in Valvelgear with some of her employees is a pretty big leap in logic that the episode didn't explain very well for me. It still felt just like Asaka was the one involved because of the Sevens parallel.

That being said, it's basically my only problem with this otherwise masterpiece of an episode. And the ultimate payoff of Asaka keeping a similar secret about Dudi Nishaw and his fleet was genius and well worth a bit of contrivance to get us to that point. This episode is so thematically and emotionally on point that I can forgive its story flaws.

Like I said in its own designated post, this parallel is genius:

It's a good message on its own and I love the way this theme ties in with the earlier statement about Dudi's character: that while he struggles to make decisions, he always ultimately makes the right one. With these words, he proved that further, even though he may not even know exactly why these words were so meaningful. It's brilliant. This episode got me so much more attached to Tazaki, Asaka, and Nishaw than I ever was before.

Asaka and Tazaki know that their decision to keep all these deaths a secret is the wrong choice but they're making it anyways to respect the last wishes of Valvelgear and keep Yudias from losing hope. They are making a wrong decision for the right reasons and I genuinely love that. I don't think it's a flaw in the storytelling whatsoever. I think it's great that they're allowing these characters to be flawed and make poor decisions because it adds depth to their characters and complexity to the narrative.

Overall, this is the kind of episode I was waiting for from this arc: something that fully explores this narrative and captures the weight of it that the previous episodes were missing. This story needed an episode like this and it delivered.

...but yes I also pray these deaths aren't permanent holy fuck-

[thedrunkenreadersreviews]

A reaction to the Goodreads Choice Awards of 2023

Oh, the weather outside is frightful! At least where I live. No snow, but, man, is it cold. So, I am staying toasty with a little rose chocolate tea spiked with some nice peppermint schnapps to get into the holiday spirit because Lord knows I need to get jolly after this shit show.

*Sip, sip*

Anywho, the Goodreads Choice Awards winners have been announced for this year, and while I won't comment on every category because some I simply do not read, I will put in my two cents for any who care to know it about particular categories. I'll go through them one by one in the order in which they appear on Goodreads.

So, grab some nice tea and schnapps, put on those fuzzy socks, and let's get to it.

*Sip, sip*

Best Fiction - Yellowface by R. F. Kuang

In my humble opinion---as I assume that is what you are here for---the Goodreads Choice Awards has become a popularity contest. Now, I do not often read contemporary fiction so I cannot speak fully on this, but I will make one comment; I did not know or have heard of any of the other authors in this category. Just looking at the nominees, I knew without even having read the thing, "Pffft, Yellowface is going to win." Lo and behold.

*Sip, sip*

Now, it is very possible that Yellowface deserved to win. I know of R. F. Kuang's writing through the Poppy War trilogy, which is well crafted, to say the least. Having not read any of these books, I cannot be too harsh. It does twist my lips a bit, however, that this one was predictable without even having to read any of the books in that category, so that's how this "voting" process, I thought, was going to go.

And sometimes ... damn ... sometimes I hate being right.

*Sip, sip*

Romantsy - Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros

*Sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip*

Oh, a full review of this book will be coming after the holiday season. As with all the others I mention. But this one winning compared to the others in the lineup ...?

We have Foxglove King, The Hurricane Wars, The Jasad Heir, and Assistant to the Villain!

I am in no way suggesting that if you enjoyed Fourth Wing that you are wrong. Having it win in this category with the other nominees feels almost like a worm burrowing beneath my blood if I think on it for too long. The book, I am sorry to say, is just not that great. The romance does not at all feel like romance, it feels like lust. If Goodreads really wants to put books that have "romance" in them that is not legitimate romance, they should create a "Spicy" category or something like that. I did not feel the devotion between the two leads in this book. I did not get the sense that they would do anything for each other, make tremendous sacrifices, or perform grand gestures. I fully believed they wanted to bone each other since they met, but that is all. Yarros, known for her romance books and not her fantasy ones until now since this is her first fantasy book, fails to capture this sense of not needing each other physically, but in all the other ways. I would not be upset if these two end up not being endgame by the conclusion of the series, that is how little I feel for them as a couple.

*Sip, sip*

Yes, I know it is the first book and that the relationship between the two can develop in future books. In that case, let that book, which presents their devotion, be nominated in this category. Not the starting point book.

Fantasy - Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo

I will confess that I did not read Hell Bent and so I cannot speak to the winner. I did, however, read most of the nominees. Tress of the Emerald Sea is not Brandon Sanderson's best work, but it is not a bad book at all! A Day of Fallen Night ... well, I wasn't that big a fan of Priory either, so I guess it is understandable that I wasn't too entertained with this one.

V. E. Schwab is one of my all-time favorites as that woman has the ability to rip out my heart, stomp it into hardening cement, and shove it back into my chest just for me to come limping back, hands outstretched, begging for more. I still do not forgive some of her past cruelties and yet, I am not complaining. However, I understand why The Fragile Threads of Power did not win this round. Again, not a bad book by any means! I just get why it wasn't the winner. I am currently reading The Witch King, and I am devouring it!

But the one I was rooting for, the one I was hoping would win, even though I knew in my heart that it wouldn't was Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries. A review of that book will be posted shortly and perhaps then it will become clear why I was hoping it would win.

As for Leigh Bardugo, great job! Fantasy is the one category I feel might still maintain some creative integrity. But not always.

*Sip, sip*

Also, did anyone else notice that The Unmaking of June Farrow has an eerily similar title and font to The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer, so much so that I thought it was a spinoff series to the latter until I saw the author's name?

*Suspicious sip, sip*

Science Fiction - The Lives of Puppets by T. J. Klune

NO! NO!!! THE FERRYMAN HAS FAILED ME!!! Oh, I was so sure it had a chance! I believed in it ... until I saw the cartoonish cover that brought my thoughts immediately to The House in the Cerulean Sea and then I knew The Ferryman was doomed.

Of course, T. J. Klune would win. I knew it because, no, they are not a bad writer, but they are a resoundingly popular one. The House in the Cerulean Sea was everywhere, that cover art has become synonymous with T.J. Klune. Even if you don't read the synopsis or were aware that a new T.J. Klune book was coming out, you see that cover and you suddenly know without looking for the name, "Oh, a new T.J. Klune book is out." I am almost convinced that a nice chunk of the people who voted for this one didn't even read it. They saw the cover art, heard of House, and clicked "vote."

*Somber sip, sip*

Horror - Holly by Stephen King

I think it should be a rule that Stephen King's works can no longer be nominated (I'm joking). But the same issue still applies; you know the author, you vote for the author, and the lesser-known authors who may have written a horrific masterpiece do not stand a chance against the King.

*Shivering sip, sip*

Young Adult Fantasy & Science Fiction - Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross

*Sip, sip, sip, sip*

Don't talk to me. Do NOT talk to me! I will not yield on this one! A Curse for True Love (it has its flaws, see my review of it, but still), Foxglove (fucking FOXGLOVE), THE STOLEN HEIR!

Let me say, even though ACfTL was not the masterpiece it could have been, my goodness, the magic in it, especially that finale! But I can excuse Curse not winning. Truly, I'm not that mad about it.

Foxglove?! FOXGLOVE?! Adalyn Grace has grown so much as an author! And Foxglove totally displays that. I was convinced about the whole main plot point until we got to that realization and it's like, I want Wisteria now! I hated and loved Fate the whole way through that damn book. But even that one, I can forgive.

*Sip, sip*

*Peeks from the rim of my cup, eyes caught in the glow of the flames from my hearth*

But ...

you have come after my child.

You have crawled from the depths of a black abyss and come to steal away my precious.

My love for the kingdom of Elfhame cannot be burned away by the fires of Mount Doom.

The dementors cannot steal it from my soul.

The White Walkers cannot freeze me enough to abandon it for the promise of warmth.

And even if I were to be turned to stone by Medusa's gaze my heart would continue to beat with devotion for the High King & Queen of Elfhame as well as all of the inhabitants of Elfhame!

*Sip, sip*

The Stolen Heir by Holly Black, in case you haven't figured it out, is who I was rooting for (review for that one to come around Christmas).

*Calming sip, sip*

Memoir & Autobiography - Woman in Me by Britney Spears

*Raises mug* Go off, Queen!

*Sip, sip*

History & Biography - The Wager (extended title) by David Grann

Surprisingly, I have no qualms with this category. This book was a banger! So was Killing the Witches and Pathogenesis (extended title). I recommend all three of these and was simply wishing one of them would win.

Victory screech!

*Sip, sip*

Now ... my biggest gripe with these choice awards ... where is the Middle Age & Children category? Where is the Graphic Novels, Comics, & Manga category? Where is Poetry?

I don't even read that much poetry, but I appreciate it as an art and believe it should be represented.

Graphic Novels, Comics, & Mangas ... like so many of those have genius writing and storytelling within them. The worlds are incredible and the art sometimes so amazingly compliments it! One of my favorite comic book writers is Al Ewing and one of my favorite artists is Lee Garbet, and when the two of them worked together, it was outstanding! The art and the story went hand in hand so well, it was as if it all came from one mind. They deserve to be acknowledged, even if it is one person doing both.

And manga ... some of the most intricate universes, complex worlds, and ingenious magic systems are created in mangas. One of my all-time favorite stories ever told is Fullmetal Alchemist. Every single detail matters in that story, and it was heartbreaking, and hysterical, and action-packed, and touching all at once!

But to strip away Middle Grade and Children? You might as well discourage kids from reading. It was when I saw that these categories were removed to make room for "romantsy" that I knew this is a popularity contest. It has been for a while. But those in middle school and younger, they probably don't have a Goodreads account, they probably aren't voting.

But they might be looking.

And teachers, and parents. They're still here. And some of them want kids to read.

*Sip, sip*

In conclusion, I don't really believe the choice awards hold that much merit anymore. I couldn't care less if a book was a nominee or a winner when deciding if I should read it. To be fair, I never really did. But I would encourage others who are wandering into the culture of Goodreads and documenting their reading that just because the book is a trend and popular and is a Goodreads choice award "winner" or "nominee" does not mean that the book is good.

It might be mediocre.

*Sip, sip*

Well, I won't take up any more of your time. Reviews for the books I mentioned will be posted in time. If you would like a review for a book in particular, do not hesitate to tell me what it is.

Stay warm, keep calm, and always have a good evening.

Cheers.

*Festive sip, sip*

[silentmassacres]

fri, nov 15

i don't remember most of today. i'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor trying to ignore my discomfort with my body and trying to find it in me to. do something. it'd be easier if i had someone else's help, i know that much, but i worry about being needy.

i wish i could let myself fall into comfort with the idea. i do, sometimes, but i still get nervous.

—

sometimes i feel like if i contort myself in the right way, i can look artistic — beautiful. nobody's ever there to capture the image or even witness it. i wish it was different, i guess.

i've spent a lot of time lately looking at figure studies of women's bodies in an attempt to feel like anything but a mass of flesh.

and so, i lay here, snapping pictures of my naked body in unnatural positions as if to make myself nothing more than a piece of art

-

i have these repressed feelings from middle school and i know it. because something digs within me, telling me i'm wrong for doing so, that i'll be judged as another dangerous pervert because it's apparently easy to make me out to be such. i never really understood why, but i can't remember much.

i try not to think about it too much. the guilt makes me nauseous

—

i almost brought up ricky before. i held a lot of malice towards him for a bit, misdirected as if he was the one who hurt me. i don't think we would've hurt each other, not in that way.

i don't fully understand why we did hurt each other the way that we did. i guess i'm bound to odd rivalries. maybe i got a sick sense of satisfaction out of our fights; i shouldn't admit it, but i know he did too

we were the same. it hit me recently. the exact same behaviors. i'd almost wonder why he did it, but i don't even know why i did. maybe there's not a reason, and everything's just. abnormal. maybe i was fundamentally broken

i'd almost wonder how he is now, but the idea scares me. something in my gut tells me that he never truly realized. maybe he looks down upon me — maybe he should.

i hate thinking about this, and yet i can't stop

—

i think my body's going to give out and i haven't been able to stop feeling like a walking corpse. not in a psychosis way, not again. not yet, i guess.

i've been in a lot of pain these past few days. my dull aches have shifted to sharp pains. i don't know why, and it's kind of scary. i'm sure it's probably nothing, i just hope i can say the same for the mysterious red dot on my chest. maybe i really am rotting from the inside out.

—

my leg looks better. not that it was. awful, i guess. it was a lot, but it was solitary. i don't think i should be talking about this, but i doubt anybody will see. i don't really have anywhere else to go about it, not really.

i wish i could say i don't still get urges. maybe it didn't scare me enough. i'm afraid i'm going to get hooked on this instead and do something really bad. maybe i should talk to him. later, if anything

[my-current-obsession]

Tengoku Struggle: Strayside - Thoughts

I'm a bit late getting to this game, but I enjoyed it quite a bit! I definitely have some frustrations both minor and major, some of which I'll get into below, but overall it was a fun and engaging ride and one of few VNs where I can honestly say I like ALL the routes and romances - with the caveat that I have a bone to pick with one of them.

I think the premise of the story, the transient (amnesiac) daughter of the Lord of Hell being assigned to capture several escapees from Hell alongside four handpicked former prisoners (all of which are presumably heinous villains themselves), is very fun and creative. I was immediately drawn into the story and loved all the world-building relating to the Six Realms and Hell specifically.

It helps that in addition to the colorful main cast, the supporting cast in this game is fantastic. I particularly love Fujimori, King Enma, and Nono-sensei.

My play order was: Kiku -> Yona -> Sharaku -> JacK -> Goemon.

My thoughts and criticisms are down below. Beware spoilers if you haven't played/beaten the game yourself!

First off, while it's not necessarily a criticism, I do think it's an... interesting choice to clearly establish in the very beginning of the game that she knew and loved one specific love interest prior to her death, and then to further establish at the end of the common route that he remembers and loves her too. While I know most otome have a favored/intended canon route, pushing one guy this hard this early is kind of shooting itself in the foot, IMO. It's hard to really get into and love the other possible relationships when Rin is this obviously "meant" to be with Goemon and you're aware of it and imagining him quietly pining for her all while she gets cozy with another man. I can think of multiple other otomes which also have a similar conundrum, but at least in those cases you don't know about the history and connection with a specific love interest until actually doing his route, allowing you to fully enjoy all the other routes first.

But you could consider the early Goemon reveal more of a double-edged sword, because while it might dampen your enjoyment of the other romances, it would also encourage players to not give up early for any reason, wanting to make it to his route to get answers and resolution to what exactly his past with Rin is.

Kiku: I think his route was a good one to start with. Outside of his own backstory as well as his connected "villain", Azami, there are no major reveals here. There's also nothing I found particularly amazing OR frustrating. His route was solid, I liked it, but it didn't wow me either. His romance with Rin felt very light and fluffy. You could tell he was falling for her pretty fast and hard early in his route, and the two got along really well.

I also do really like Azami as a character and as the antagonist in this route, although if I have one complaint it's that the situation honestly could have been MORE dramatic and messy than it was. Maybe this is entirely on me for getting my hopes up, but I assumed there would be more to her backstory and behavior than there ended up being. I figured she was either gay, adding another layer to her general dislike of men and her immediate and enduring friendliness to Rin, OR... she might have secretly had incestuous feelings for her brother, further complicating THAT situation. Neither turned out to be true, which left me a tad disappointed. But I can't hold something that I created and wanted in my head against the story too much. Her backstory and behavior is perfectly understandable for what it is, I just wanted a bit more drama I guess.

Finally, I really like how Fujimori was incorporated into this route and I thought his budding friendship with Kiku was incredibly sweet.

Yona: I spent the first half of his route too frustrated to really enjoy it, to be honest. The story hammers home the idea that samurai are supposed to be honorable, yet Yona immediately fights dirty and nearly gets Rin killed as a result. And while the other guys (and Goemon in particular, which was a nice touch) were understandably furious at him, Rin herself WASN'T. If anything she blamed herself - the VICTIM - for letting things get out of hand.

What made matters worse is that while Yona IS overall a good, honorable guy, and he DOES actually have a good reason for his deep mistrust that led him to act out... we don't get it until literally the end of the route. We have to just sit back and forgive him and wait several hours to hear an explanation as to WHY he did what he did. It doesn't help that for me, his backstory just feels weaker than everyone else, which makes withholding it until the very end all the more unreasonable.

We got like 85% of Kiku's backstory in the beginning of his route, which helped in understanding why his relationship with Azami was so fraught. Sharaku opens up about his backstory a little over halfway through his route in a moment of emotional intimacy, which helps in understanding/justifying his outlandish behavior before and also significantly shifts the tone/feeling of his relationship with Rin moving forward. And we're drip-fed Goemon and Rin's semi-shared backstory throughout his entire route, like getting one piece of a puzzle at a time and finally getting to complete it near the end.

Even if you disagree that Yona's backstory of growing up an outsider, desperate for love and attention, ultimately getting deceived and dying before getting what he wanted isn't as compelling as the others... the placement of it (not even told to Rin as part of bonding and/or apologizing! told to Sansaburo to try and get through to him and keep things "honorable"!) still bugs me. We should have gotten some or even all of it early on in the route, so that we could understand and forgive what he'd done. Because personally without any context, I wasn't okay with how his fighting dirty nearly got Rin killed, and the fact that SHE was okay with it made it all the more vexing.

My issue with the beginning of this route then rippled out to impair the middle a bit. Because while I could definitely understand why Yona would like Rin so much... every scene of her being super into him just felt unearned. And the fact that it was discovering he read books that might sometimes have smut in them being what DID briefly turn her off from him? Ugh. It's fine if he's a dumbass who nearly got you killed for (seemingly) no good reason, but I guess liking porn is inexcusable. Priorities, girl!

IN ISOLATION, I think nearly all of their romantic moments are very solid. It's just that because their starting position was so poisoned for me, it was hard to reconcile Rin liking him at all at that point. All that said, the route definitely got better over time and the last few chapters were very solid. By then there'd been enough development that I could buy the romance despite my initial hangups, so I could fully enjoy their relationship when it finally blossomed. And Yona's confrontation with Sansaburo was pretty good too.

Once again, this route made good use of Fujimori. His dynamic was certainly more strained with Yona than Kiku, but the story used that to give Yona a necessary wake-up call, I think. I love that both guys got something valuable from the other, with Yona getting more accepting/comfortable around technology and how things are now compared to when he lived, and Fujimori being shown that looks and strength alone don't define a person or make them happy/successful, which encouraged him to be more confident in himself and accepting of others.

Sharaku: I'll admit that I had a bit of a bias going into this route since due to his VA and certain mannerisms, I already liked Sharaku a lot. He reminded me of Marius from Tears of Themis (same Japanese VA, similarly flirty and overtly manipulative in a childish way that I find endearing rather than upsetting).

That said his route is certainly... a lot. And I can bet he'll be a "love him or hate him" type for a lot of people. Personally, I love him, though I absolutely understand why he might turn off or really upset others. He comes on STRONG in the beginning, pushing for sex as a way to "bond" and "develop trust" with Rin.

That's obviously not okay, but for me it's enough that after Rin electrocutes him and sets a boundary, he doesn't cross it again (arguably. We'll get into that). Rather, while he still brings up the idea of having sex often, it's more playful/joking, and he physically keeps a safe distance. To me this reads as him making it clear that while he's still down for or wants it himself, he IS respecting her wishes by not pushing for it. He's just letting her know it's still on the table as an option if she ever changes her mind.

Personally I don't think the idea that he's "coercing" her into it holds water when, later in the route, she DOES decide she wants to have sex with him in a moment of desperation, but he TURNS HER DOWN. By then, he knows her well enough and CARES about her enough that he doesn't want to do anything she's not fully onboard with. Consent isn't enough. He wants her feelings to matter, too. For them, for the bond they now have, sex is no longer a means to an end, and he won't let her reduce it to that even when that was once what he wanted.

Sharaku is a very messy individual. His backstory is HEAVY. I might have a small corner of my mind permanently stuck ruminating on how he was forced to live as a prostitute for an unknown length of time just to make ends meet, and then eventually got OUT of that life and started supporting himself financially with art instead, just to ultimately die at the ripe old age of eighteen. Because he eventually got caught for the crime of mercy killing women who BEGGED him to do it. It's just... a lot.

All the characters' backstories inform their personality and behavior in the present, but I really feel it with Sharaku. He's been desensitized to sex, possibly as a coping mechanism for what he's been through. From his perspective, it's nothing more than a physical act at this point, and what better way to "get close" to someone? There's also the idea that prostitutes are trained/perceptive when it comes to romance. It's a trait that all the "prostitute" characters we see share, even Shinobikuni. While I doubt anyone would argue that Goemon knows Rin as a person best, it's definitely Sharaku who notices the budding romances on every route. He even took it a step farther and tried to play matchmaker for Yona! He's also the one to notice and call out that Goemon is softer towards Rin right from the start, even if he tries to hide it and act as uncaring/aloof as the others.

I think this also extends to his route though. When Rin really starts to fall for Sharaku, HE NOTICES. He's completely unsurprised when other people infer that Rin is in love with him. The "school uniform date" and his kissing her were prompted by him responding to her feelings. It's just that there's a miscommunication here. He hasn't let her know how HE feels (and to be fair at that point he might still be figuring it out, going along with things because that's what he's used to doing), thus she assumes he's playing with her feelings and gets upset.

Something I really love about Sharaku's route is that he takes it upon himself, multiple times, to try and change or open up to Rin, without being forced or prompted to. His most sincere, vulnerable moments are predated by him unintentionally hurting her, and then resolving to do better. Which he does! When he sees how their blood bond has barely risen, it's clear that it hurts Rin. And he KNOWS it's his own trust issues to blame, so he pushes through the discomfort to open up to her, at least a little, prompting the first big spike in the blood bond. When he takes their "date" too far by kissing her and Rin runs off crying, he finally opens up about his past to her once he finds her.

Rin herself ALSO makes an effort to change, after Sharaku calls her out for being overbearing and falling back on her training to mistreat the prisoners. This isn't really an issue in other routes, since she has a good relationship with the other love interests, but here, her initially strained relationship with Sharaku makes it harder to shake off her training and treat the men the way she WANTS to treat them. The struggle makes it more impactful than the other routes where she just decides to change and then... does, without effort, IMO.

Sharaku as a person and his relationship with Rin is just... so much more complicated and messy than the other routes. Outside of JacK where she's literally romancing the enemy, this is the only time she has any real conflict WITH her love interest as opposed to a conflict elsewhere. But it makes perfect sense that these two would butt heads given their near polar opposite personalities and his... wealth of romantic/sexual experience compared to her literal blank slate. If anything it's a miracle they reached a compromise!

This route COULD have been a disaster. With Sharaku's backstory and obsession with sex, it could have gone to some truly unpleasant, unforgivable places. But for me, this route was beautiful. This is a route where two VERY different individuals both decided, of their own volition, to try to be better for the other person. They weren't being forced to change by an outside party, nor were they fundamentally changing who they were. Rather they were allowing themselves to be vulnerable, exposing their soft underbellies to the other. To meet the other halfway. This was harder for Sharaku, naturally, but they both managed it and from their initial tense and distant acquaintance, a healthy and beautiful love bloomed.

JacK/Tetsunojo: This route had the misfortune to sit between Sharaku, who I clearly hyper-fixated on, and Goemon, who has a lot of "true/final route" reveals to dig into. Thus I admit I probably didn't give this route as much attention as I should have.

That said, from what I remember, it's solid. I appreciate that the more you learn about him, the more Tetsunojo comes across as just a chuuni. A total loser playing at being edgy and cool. His mostly one-sided vendetta against Goemon is also a lot of fun. It's hilarious to think about how Goemon didn't know or care about him at all until his own route, where he ultimately DID "beat" Goemon entirely unintentionally, by stealing his girl.

I was a bit miffed for a decent chunk of the route because it seemed the writing couldn't decide how much, if at all, Tetsunojo actually liked Rin or if he was just using her all along. He certainly turned HARD on her when he got what he wanted. But then the story slowly walked it back and he DID like her, he was just pushing her away. The execution was a bit sloppy and frustrating, but not terrible I guess.

I'm torn between liking and hating that this is the route where Rin finally gets to be proactive. In general I like it when the heroine is more assertive and goes for what she wants. But where was that in the other routes? You're saving it for here, the route where from a logical standpoint it makes most sense NOT to pursue him, especially once he's threatened your life? It feels like she's only proactive because this relationship would never get off the ground otherwise, whereas living with the other guys - most of whom are confident and willing to make moves themselves - gives plenty of opportunity for romance without Rin forcing it.

Ultimately while the romance was okay, this relationship was probably still my least favorite because it lowkey took Rin away from her other love interests. That's her found family! It's like Sholmes' route in the Code Realize FD. Even IF the route and relationship is solid, you don't take the girl away from her group of friends! Thankfully Tetsunojo joined the group at the end (even getting his own mug! Truly Goemon is a softie to do such a thing for the guy that stole his girl) rather than completely taking Rin away, but this route still felt removed from the group dynamic we see everywhere else.

Goemon: He was SO soft and attentive to her, in general but especially his own route. You'd think after a few hundred years he would at least start to move on, but no, he's clearly still down bad for her. VERY cute.

I loved getting little peeks of his jealousy in other routes. When he lost his cool at the manager asking if Rin is a virgin, wishing to himself that they WERE having a rendezvous when Sharaku caught them together, a lot of his behavior in JacK's route... It all got me amped up for his route, for sure.

I have basically no complaints about the romance in this route, or at least nothing too critical. The pacing is a bit wonky at times, but I think that can be explained as Rin is essentially starting at 0 for Goemon while HE is starting damn near 100 for her - as shown by the blood bond, even! He near fully loves and trusts her from the start, so the route is just getting her to the same place he is and revealing their shared backstory.

They have a lot of sweet moments together. I love how she made him "poison" onigiri which he then made sure to warn off others so he could keep them to himself. I love how for a good chunk of the route Rin was despairing over being in a love triangle with HERSELF. I do wish she had confronted him directly, told him it hurt to be compared to or a replacement for that girl. But we got something similar at least that FINALLY led to him telling her the truth.

As for their backstory, it really is a tragedy. Their own hesitations and insecurities kept them apart. He didn't want to drag her into his problems, she didn't want to tie him down since she was blind and he was a free spirit. And yet even though they never got together she was STILL killed just because of her association to him. Which meant he was right to blame himself for it, to an extent. The fact that her ONE sin that sent her to hell was telling a lie that hurt him is the cherry on top of this painful sundae. Oof.

The plot/conflict outside of the romance is where this route loses me a little. It just has a bit too much going on, including TWO separate twist villains! Surely one of them could have been used elsewhere? Personally I would say Sharaku's route because the idea of finding Oshichi's lost love is brought up there too and yet for some reason it's Goemon's route where they have the idea to have Sharaku draw the guy based on Oshichi's description.

I mostly liked Fujimori's inclusion in this route once again. The bond he and Goemon had in the past and start to form again is very sweet. That said, I don't really like how it's implied he was also close with Rin (to the point where he called her sister at one point and she also felt like he was a little brother to her) yet we NEVER got interactions between them in flashbacks. It's hard to buy that relationship when we don't actually see it.

I think both twist villains were done very sloppily. Kamuro's actions just don't seem to fit with what we've learned about angels and how they're basically stupid and useless and GOOD. How on earth did an angel with those kind of restrictions for getting into Heaven (remember, telling a SINGLE lie that hurt someone got Rin cast into Hell) end up even capable of evil? And Shiroku...

He was an incredibly weird combination of OVERLY foreshadowed and not nearly foreshadowed enough. He has a very distinct silhouette so it's clearly him we see in Rin's nightmare flashback at the beginning of the route, making him immediately suspicious. And yet in all his prior appearances and up until the end of the route, he does nothing to raise suspicion. If not for that one moment we'd have NO reason to doubt him. And then again, literal minutes before the reveal, we get the second piece of evidence against him. Which is... Sharaku - the MOST guarded and untrusting of the group - thinks he's suspicious and doesn't want Rin to go off alone with him. Again, a rather heavy-handed piece of foreshadowing, and yet it's potentially ruined or overlooked since it's coming from Sharaku.

In theory, I'm fine with Shiroku being a twist villain. Especially since Goemon's primary "flaw" is that he's too soft/trusting towards those he cares about. So having a trusted longtime friend stab him in the back makes sense. It's just the execution sucks. And Shiroku as a villain is not nearly as interesting or likable compared to the main five. His motivation is... feeling spurned that Goemon left so he decides to go full evil?

Meanwhile the five escapees are all seemingly GOOD or at least neutral people who just lived awful lives - or in Asaemon's case, he was a guy with a really bad job. But someone's gotta do it - and now want a chance to live happier, peaceful lives as opposed to continuing to suffer in Hell as if their lives before death weren't bad enough.

Compared to all the others, Shiroku taking over as the last minute true bad guy was disappointing. It made sense that Goemon wouldn't fight Shinobikuni since she seemingly wasn't a fighter, but what I really expected and felt outright ripped off not to get was a fight with Okuni. Of ALL the escapees, Okuni got the least development and time to shine. But since it was established she KNEW Goemon and she had a really cool power that COULD be used in a fight, I expected her to be the "final boss", as it were. Instead she literally never faces off against anyone directly, instead just retaliating against Yona in his route when he fights dirty against Sansaburo. She was SO cool and SO underutilized.

She was shafted in favor of a pretty shit twist villain though. In the end her "importance" boiled down to being the source of a popular legend that Rin secretly liked - after death, being cared across the Sanzu River on your lover's back. At least that concept finally got to come full circle when Goemon carried Rin home on his back after the final battle. That was a nice detail. He wasn't able to go to her in death, but they first reunited at the riverbank that she was staring wistfully at, and he got as close as he could to fulfilling her wishes in the end.

I suppose it was too much to expect a violent battle between a man and a woman in an otome, especially with the woman as a final boss of sorts. At least Rin got to contribute to the fight. Not directly, but her powered up ability was instrumental to the fight and the gang couldn't have won without her. So I'll take it.

Misc: A few random final thoughts/observations - this game is very punishing in terms of the choices. A single wrong choice will land you the bad end for a route. In fact, I noticed that a wrong choice early on will ensure a "bad" ending to the chapter and every chapter moving forward. Which is why starting with Yona I made the decision to save scum until around chapter 8 so even if I got a bad end I wouldn't have to redo damn near the entire route.

...Which accidentally led to me NOT getting Goemon or Sharaku's bad endings. I happened to get their final few choices right and haven't seen their bad endings. That said, based on the OTHER bad endings... I don't mind that you fall into those endings so easily. There ARE unique CGs and the endings are about 20 minutes of unique content. And it seems like the bad endings aren't even "bad" so much as bittersweet, stalling a happy ending that WILL still come in the future. Plus the music for the bad end movie is a BOP that I will GLADLY listen to.

One other thing I noticed that bothers me a tad is that the routes follow a very similar formula in terms of the romantic development. You can see this very clearly while looking at the CGs for different guys. All five guys have exactly 15 "unique" CGs, the difference being how many of those have variations, and how many of said variations there are. Exactly 2 of those unique CGs are for the bad ends, with another locked away in the bonus "Memory" content. ALL FIVE guys have their "happy" end with a CG that is just before the couple has sex. Kiku, Yona, and Sharaku all have Rin kiss their mark to take their pain twice, with the second time leading to another CG of the pair kissing. That kiss CG is even the 9th one for all of them, and it's the last CG before the happy/bad end split. Goemon only has one "kiss the pain away" scene, but his also immediately leads to a proper kiss as well.

While the specifics for the conflicts and the relationships are different in each route, I just couldn't help but notice this huge consistency in when and how the romantic beats happened. There are definitely minor ways in which routes are the same in other games (like tending to the needs of a Fury in Hakuouki), but I couldn't help but notice EVERY route ending in a sex scene. EVERY route having the first (mutual, in Sharaku's case) kiss after Rin took the guy's pain. It's a minor nitpick, but by the third route I was starting to really sense when things would happen and accurately predict incoming CGs. So it took me out of the story a bit.

In terms of my feelings on the routes as a whole, best to worst: Sharaku > Goemon > Kiku > JacK > Yona

In terms of my feelings on the romance/relationship with Rin: Goemon > Sharaku > Kiku > Yona > JacK

[strangeoctober]

Inspiration is a funny thing. Since finishing up Shrouded Legacies, I've been working on my next project. I had some loose ideas, the kind of themes and vibes I wanted to go with. But solid story ideas were proving elusive.

So I mostly worked on worldbuilding, looking for inspiration, and consuming media that was along the lines of the feel I wanted to capture. I made some good progress, figured out how I want magic to world and how the setting fit together in a geographic sense.

But it was getting pretty frustrating that those lightning bolts weren't hitting. This is how it generally works for me. I'll spend ages trying to come up with story ideas and then it'll suddenly come to me fully formed over the course of a shower or something. It's really annoying when I'm trying to plan ahead.

Eventually, I decided to change tack. I wanted to flesh out the setting in more detail and needed more practice in building a narrative anyway, so the plan is to write a series of short stories in the setting and explore things a bit.

Then, of course, the lightning bolt struck. A full short story popped into my head immediately. I appreciate it, but it is really annoying. So that's the plan! I've been working on that one this past week and if it turns out okay, I'll look into publishing them somewhere.

I guess the moral of this story is that if muses seem to be holding back on you, maybe adjust your perspective or adjust your goals. See if that shakes anything loose.

[sapphic-outlaw]

I'm finding it entirely too frustrating that I can't get Blair's face in these previews lol. But anyhow. My lovely friend Martha @shinemade gave me the idea to give Blair some outfits that she'd wear in story mode, so I did my best! I don't really know if I ever want to RP with this account, but I'm in a bit of a writey mood so I wrote up some info about her outfits to go with the photos. I definitely don't expect anyone to read all this, but if you do indulge me, I'll... I dunno, thank you I guess? Maybe a lil kiss on the forehead if you want?

Bounty hunter - Blair and her ex girlfriend (coincidentally named Claire - I had forgotten her name when I was naming Blair, my bad) had made matching outfits to wear while running with the Doyle gang. Once Blair left the gang and one of the women ratted her and Claire out, leading lawmen to the couple in Tumbleweed and ultimately killing Claire, she ended up turning her once beloved outfit into one that was used to make a mockery of her former gang members when she captured Doyle and turned her in. Doing her best to disguise herself, she styles her hair differently and dawns a mask to hide her face - a trimmed bandanna with goggles in which she placed her prescription lenses so she can see properly.

Heavy coat - Despite growing up in the north, Blair despises the cold. However, she never turns down an opportunity to go up to the colder areas just so she can wear her giant, fluffy coat!

Formal - Blair reluctantly agreed to be Dutch's date on the Grand Korrigan. Unfortunately, she found herself alone most of the night. She had dolled herself up for what she felt was nothing, though she definitely had a lot of eyes on her that went unnoticed, given that she just drank and disassociated most of the night up until she realized that Dutch and the others had disappeared.

Relaxed - This is, admittedly, just my main outfit in RDO, though I fully believe that Blair would like to show a little skin when she's in a particularly chipper mood. She wears this when she feels sexy and confident, even though it often gets her comments such as "whore" and "harlot". When in this outfit, Blair is more likely to be seen at Smithfield's saloon so she can mingle, given that it's normally the more busy of the two saloons in Valentine.

Comfy - Blair takes great comfort in the huge shirt she "borrowed" (stole) from Charles. When she first got it, it was so big on her that she was damn near tripping on it, so she adjusted it so it's not so huge on her, but still plenty big. She only wears this outfit around camp, and generally doesn't care to be seen in it, but she'll wander around on days when she's feeling particularly cozy and doesn't want to change before leaving the confines of her tent.

"Bad day" dress - Blair wears this dress on days she just isn't in a good place, whether that be because someone made her feel like shit, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or because Micah was in a particularly douchey mood and made her feel the same. Regardless, when her social battery is low and she doesn't want to deal with comments from rude people that believe women shouldn't be allowed to show skin in public, she wears this dress. Uncomfortable as it may be, she takes solace in the fact that she rarely receives negative attention while wearing it. She would often be seen with Kieran while wearing this. Without diving too much into her lore, she and Kieran have a history together, and they're practically siblings at this point. They take a lot of comfort in each other's company and Kieran will often accompany her when she's wearing her bad day dress, given that the presence of a man often reduces the gazes and comments from interested parties. Though she generally tries to avoid being seen, Blair can sometimes be found at Keane's saloon in Valentine when wearing this outfit, as opposed to Smithfield's, which tends to be more populated.

Work - Blair has a job at the tailor in Saint Denis, and can often be seen locking up in the evenings, though you might not know her at first glance. She works closely with customers, men being the majority of their clientele, and she quickly grew tired of the inappropriate comments made by young men as she tried to measure them for their custom attire. With the permission of her boss, she began to dress more masculine, binding her chest (what little there is, lol, she doesn't really have much in the way of boobs) and tucking her hair into a hat she definitely did not steal from Dutch. She will even disguise her voice to the best of her ability, doing her best to sound masculine. At worst, she just sounds like a young man with a cold, but if her voice is anything like mine, I'd say she's probably pretty good at sounding masculine if she really wants to.

[byicarus]

— ₊ ° . ☆ 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐍𝐎 sweeter way for toby to put things to rest than to stuff ryder cooke full of his cock. having that power and control over ryder was doing wonders for his ego, and it clearly was having an effect on ryder too. "i'll take your word for it. but just know, i can always go find another cheap whore if you're bad," toby warned. of course, he would've never even thought about anyone else now that he'd gotten a good look at ryder. he'd walked into the alpha phi party expecting just a bunch of bullshit frat bros, but he'd ended up with a little slut to make his own. "good. i'll pick out somethin' real slutty and pink for ya. just to match your pussy," he said with a chuckle. toby could just imagine how delectable ryder would look in some hip-hugging miniskirt. the thought alone could've made even a monk drool. "no use in pretending anymore, baby girl. you were meant to be a little cockslut... i mean those lips, those tits, that ass?" he lauded with a smirk on his lips. his gaze stayed fixated on ryder as those shorts slid down his smooth thighs, and god, toby had been right. ryder was tiny. "can't believe i ever let you say shit to me with that little clit," toby started to tease. "'s cute though. 'm gonna make sure you're squirtin' all over the place. the boys are gonna love gettin' to use my pretty girl. wonder how many of 'em'll be rubbin' that little thing while they fuck it. ain't gay if it's a pretty little bitch." toby was reveling in the glory that ryder was throwing his way. he was going to make sure that ryder never forgot whose he was. his socked foot lifted up to tease the smaller male, letting his toes graze against the tiny tip. "that's what you're meant for. gawking at, getting your ass grabbed, bein' filled up to the brim — the true place of a cumfag," toby promised. "professors too, eh? guess 'm gonna have to give 'em a run for their money. hell, i'll make ya get railed in front of your whole class. show them how good a whore y'can be." there was a myriad of fantasies that would soon become a reality floating around in his own filthy head. all in due time, of course. for now, toby was focused on leaving his mark on ryder. "shit, you're takin' fists? i bet that hole's so loose i could fit both of mine in there then, don'tcha think? i'd bet you'll love that," toby went on and on. how this was the star football player back at home he couldn't fully comprehend, but he certainly wasn't missing his chance. "you really are a cheap little slut, ain'tcha? not even any kinda standards. you just let these boys waltz in and use ya," he mocked. "all them freshman are gonna be jealous of your new daddy. i might share ya every now and again, but you're gonna be goonin' off my cock so much, i doubt you'd even realize you had another guy usin' you 'cause you're that much of a dumb 𝙛𝙖𝙜." he could already tell that ryder was addicted to him with just how much he kept coming back for another taste. toby had neon running through his veins. nothing would stop him. "countin' on you provin' it. i wanna see that pretty little face fucked up from my cock," toby hummed. his cock was resting on ryder's lips, piss erupting from the tip of his cock. ryder was impressive, to say the least, with how quick he was swallowing it all down without missing even a droplet. "drink it, 𝗳𝗮𝗴. look at him, boys. his cunt's leaking cum, and now he's gotta a mouthful of my piss. don't even care that the whole world's gonna see this," he narrated. his fingers nestled in that tussled hair and pulled at his locks. he hadn't expected to feel a little bit of the boy's cum landing on his socked foot. his camera shifted down to capture his little mess. "fuckin' slut squirted all over himself," he said with a dark chuckle. ryder was sinking down further and further on his cock. his stream might have slowed for a second — intentionally on toby's part — but once it was nestled down his throat, toby let loose again. this time, his flow was stronger than before, directly to ryder's tummy. "you gonna squirt again? fuckin' pathetic bitch."

𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐘, ryder didn't notice the differences between he and toby. there wasn't much going on in that pretty little head of his. all he could see was the 𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐞 cock hovering above his face, and the heavy set of balls dangling below it. ryder was completely entranced by toby — everything about him drew him in further. "i'm 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 good, sir. i'm the best cockslut you'll ever meet," ryder assured. his life could've turned out different, but alpha phi made sure that didn't happen. every bit of 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 was gone, in it's place was willful subservience. ryder was happier than he'd ever been. "oh, i have 𝐚𝐥𝐥 kinds of skirts! i'll take you up t'my room later and try them on for you, let you pick which one you like the most," he giggled softly, tucking a curl behind his ear. ryder was more than happy to let toby take control, gazing up at him with hearts in his eyes as the smaller boy tugged on his curls. "hmm, thank you, sir. i'm 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫 now that i'm not pretending to be a man — or at least that's what the boys tell me," ryder replied. "oh! y'heard about my little clit? d'ya wanna see it? that's why the boys say fucking me isn't even 𝐠𝐚𝐲, 'cause i was made to be fucked." ryder yanked his shorts down proudly, his little cock slapping against his abdomen. it wasn't enough to tent the crotch of his shorts. he was completely shaven — because 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 girls didn't have hairy cunts, at least that's what he was told as a freshman. "that's so 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭, daddy... i love showing off my ass, it makes me feel so naughty. guys are always slapping it when i'm out and about, or slipping their hands in my shorts and making me 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐭 out in public. m'favorite, though, is when the professors get a little handsy and pound me on their desks," ryder giggled. toby didn't even have to ask; ryder was wrapping his lips around his thumb. he swirled his tongue around it, releasing it with an audible 𝐩𝐨𝐩. "you're right, sir. none of them have big, beautiful cocks like yours. i mean, you wouldn't even have to 𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐭 me to get me off," he admitted. toby might have been degrading him, but — to ryder — it sounded like a 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭. "oh, gosh. the freshman are always fighting over which one of 'em get to clean my pussy up — but i 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 it, especially when they start getting their fingers in there," he said with a soft giggle. ryder's tongue was working in long, languid licks. sweat resonated on his tastebuds, but ryder just kept going back for more. "yes, daddy! i can handle it! 's bigger than any cock i've ever seen, but i'm the best cocksucker you'll ever 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝. my hungry little faggot pussy is gonna devour your cock, just wait!" a toothy grin spread across ryder's face as toby praised him. butterflies erupted in his belly as the boy spread his lips apart, tongue falling out of his mouth as he waited anxiously for his golden treat. "yessir, daddy. fill my ��𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 mouth with your piss," he plead, eyes transfixed on the lens. he loved knowing that a bunch of horny boys would be watching it later. ryder moaned wantonly as the first stream hit his tongue, letting it pool in his mouth before gulping it down like the hungriest slut around. he 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝 every drop, making a show out of the filthy act. before he knew it, his little cock was spurting ropes of cum all over his tummy. he sealed his lips around the tip of that cock, taking it down his throat hungrily. ryder knew he hadn't been given permission, but he just couldn't 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 himself.