#group sat classes
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While Edwin’s more than a bit stand-offish and definitely not the most tactful, I never did get the sense that he doesn’t like people - in fact, I think his insistence that he’s “not good with people” and his general emotional detachment/disinterest has a lot more to do with his assumption that they don’t or won’t like him.
And while that’s very sad to think about… it’s not as if his belief here is hard to understand, considering his past experiences. But it’s left him quite guarded and lonely, and of course, the more he isolates himself from people other than Charles (and even here, he allows himself little vulnerability), the more he reinforces this fear that people won’t like him, and the less he allows himself to properly sympathize or empathize with others, which is why his friendships with Crystal and Niko and Monty (short-lived as that was) are so important. Once he started to let some of those walls down, to not be so scared of vulnerability and to be around people who allow themselves to feel and want so readily (to live! who allow themselves to live without fear of loving!), he’s really not nearly as bad with people as he seems to think he is - and, in fact, he’s actually quite good at saying or doing the right thing for them when it really counts.
#he really does mean well :’)#he also LOVES being a sassy petty little show off but these two things can and do coexist and in fact. improve the overall vibe lol#honestly Edwin is so funny. I don’t even find him that mean tbh that level of petty has always been hilarious to me.#if id known him in high school I definitely would’ve sat near him in class. don’t know. I feel teenage me would’ve considered him#‘potential friend’ or at least ‘someone to work on group assignments with’#lol but anyways edwin makes me very sad#that boy lives his (after)life in so much fear#storyrambles#dead boy detectives#this is a bit of a mess but I’m just going to post it as is#edwin payne
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Honk mi mi mi zzzzz
Final prompt for Qrowin week 2024, I had fun drawing my faves even though I rushed through with these ♡
#rwby#qrowin#qrowinweek2024#Winter is inspired by this very refined looking businsess lady who sat next to me at the airport and ended up sleeping with her mouth open#because in the end we are all just gods houseplants no matter what class or group we belong to#snowbird#when u and ur boo finally have the same day off but end up just napping at home#Also happy midsummer those who are celebrating it today/tomorrow !!
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I’m like if sisyphus was me and that rock was my chemistry group project. I’m like if prometheus was me and those eagles were my group project partners. I’m like
#raii talks a lot#there’s so much work to do in only 11 class periods and I know no one in my group and they’re all distracted and unhelpful#one guy nominated himself as group vice president and then quit when he realized he had to write the worlds smallest memo#“Which role has the least work” THEY ALL HAVE A LOT OF WORK….. AND IM DOING MOST OF IT BECAUSE IM THE VP BECAUSE I TRUST NONE OF YOU#FUCK. I have exams to study for I have a sat to study for but nooooo I’m herding sophomores. love my chemistry teacher but fucking hell#I’m like if Wukong was me and that mountain was the mountain of chemistry work I now have to do. I’m like if icarus was me and my wax wings#are my group partners on which I cannot rely
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Trying to figure out why this guy in my discussion group for class was annoying me so much and I finally figured it out: I hate being in any class after 3:30pm and the moment I set foot in that room I am immediately irritated just by the fact that I'm there
#shut up me#Extremely frustrating because no one around me deserves my snappiness#i just dont want to be there so badly so every little thing rubs me the wrong way#I do think he genuinely annoys me a little- he can be a little disrespectful to the prof behind her back#and when we first sat down in a group together I was rereading a section of the text to remember the specifics#and because none of us had said anything for a few seconds after he said his thoughts he was like#''you all... did do the reading right?'' come on man.#(''That's a slight on my honour so now I will forever hold a grudge!'' come on man (to myself this time).)#and I think he misses the point to a lot of the readings we do... thats not like. a crime. but again I am already irritated just being ther#but also ''who would want to read this! its just weird.'' sir youre talking to the freak that loved both of these texts#maybe if you read a few horror stories... youll calm down#Im trying not to let my irritation with the hour cloud my perspective and just focus on not accidentally snapping at someone. sigh#reminder to myself to never take a class that STARTS at 3pm or later. It drains the life out of me
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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random rant about stuff in my life:
I am in my school's theatre group, and like, at the same time a friend of mine is an another after school activity which almost always ends earlier than mine. so she sometimes decides to just come visit my group and watch us or sometimes even participate
and this week, she came over again without announcing it this time, walks right across the room, and I just greet her and ask 'do you need anything?' (bcuz, idk why)
her response was just casually 'your presence forever in my life'
and I was like '*internally tearing up* wELL OKAY THEN-'
#i do not know what i did to have friends like this#you dont know how much i love them#btw#she did smth similar before#during a class trip the rest of my group (including her) was tired#but i wasnt so i decided to play card games w/ a few others#and eventually she came to us and just sat down next to me#i was like 'do you need something?'#she just shrugged and told me 'it's boring without you. the others are too depressing'#oKAY#(it wasnt meant in a derogatory way)#(they were probably just all focused on their own stuff on their phone or smth)#(idfk what i'm doing for others to have this view on me but o-fucking-kay i guess)#(helppppppp)
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Friendly extroverts I love you 💖
#it’s my first day in a new school and so far I don’t know anyone in my classes and I’m sooo bad at meeting-people activities 😭#the teacher gave us a bingo card to fill out by talking to people and my brain was just like. no thanks#so I sat there for a few minutes doodling on the paper :(#and a nice guy came up to me and asked me a question#he gave me his name and asked if I could be in his study group :D#I thanked him and said I wasn’t really good at talking to people and he just said that’s okay I’m not the best either#and he said he was autistic and adhd. which isn’t actually that relevant to what I’m saying but further proves my theory#that all the people (my age) I end up knowing are either queer or neurodivergent or both#but he says he’s in the lgbtq club at the school and I joined too :D
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it is late so I'm going to be a lil too vulnerable on main and then probably bury it so it doesn't get seen
sometimes I still get really upset that when my mental health took (even more of) a dive when I tried college my family mostly left me to deal with it on my own. and I struggled with it really hard for almost a decade. the only thing bringing this up would do is destroy or strain relationships that I rely on to keep myself housed and safe, and I also still love them despite everything.
but it hurts to have lost such a big chunk of my life while repeatedly asking for help, and sometimes being told yes they would help, only for it to rarely materialize. lingering in this only paralyzes me though, so I'm trying to learn to let it go but it's difficult
#there is so much that i did and do want to do and i wonder how much further i would be on those paths or what i would have learned or done#if someone had. like. sat down with me and helped me even just. find a network that could help me more often then they could.#there were some attempts but what i needed was. like. a therapist. a job coach who would keep up with. a support group. something.#being signed up for a self advocacy class that was specific to a state i no longer lived in was. uh. minimally long term helpful.#i also was only back in that state after moving away because of a family issue and it ended up destroying my health even more#a running theme in my life i suppose#dear diary: fml
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i just need to make it to shabbat i just need to make it to shabbat i just need
#😵💫😵💫😵💫#short response due tmrw ; seminar presentation potentially tmrw WHICH I ONLY JUST REMEMBERED ; short seminar quiz to do before friday ;#latin club “homework” which im probably gonna tell my friend i cant continue w bc my weekly workload is already too overwhelming w 3 courses#+ i have to have by thrice yearly lunch w my evangelical godmother which means 3 hour convo half dedicated to getting me to abandon judaism#and half to getting me to repent my sinful homosexual ways and go back to being a nice straight girl#all of which is going to happen in public and she WILL tear up at multiple points of the conversation and it WILL be supremely awkward#when people inevitably start eavesdropping bc let's be real if i were at a cafe overhearing this convo i would be listening in too#and everyone's like 'ugh why dont you just tell her to fuck off' but im the only trans person and the only observant jew she has ever met#two groups against which she already has so many preconceived notions so like. idk it feels like my responsibility#as someone who knows her and who she acc cares about (vs a stranger) to try and give her a different perspective on these things ???#like if me being patient and calmly explaining why i transitioned/why i converted can stop her even slightly from sliding even further right#(and like she's Right Wing like covid denial right wing)#and if it might mean the next trans person or whtvr that she interacts with has it slightly easier then like. sure j can sit through#a couple irritating hours every few months#but its just suuuch a shit time for it like im meeting her thursday after class when i have a massive fucking assignment to hand in on sat#which FUCK gotta add that to the list#☞ annotated bibliography due saturday aka friday bc shabbos#okay okay. im done losing my mind in the notes 😵💫👍🏻#p.s.
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I'm not religious but lord give me strength before I bust a fuse.
#WHO THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD IDEA TO GIVE ME TWO GROUP PROJECTS DUE BACK-TO-BACK#FILLED WITH INCOMPETENCY AND PEOPPE WHO DON’T WANT TO DO THEIR WORK#'someone draw this for me since I wrote two pages' DO. IT. YOURSELF. IT'S YOUR SECTION YOU'RE THE ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS IT.#'why isn’t this code working' BECAUSE THIS FUCKING BUFFOON UPLOADED UNLOADABLE FILES INTO THE PROJECT AND THEN#Y'ALL SAT ON Y'ALL'S ASSES FOR DAYS GOING 'uhm this is broken. uh.' UNTIL I. WHO WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE BACK-END. FOUND IT IN UNDER AN HOUR#if my grades in either of these classes drop a letter grade bc of these people and makes my gpa drop I'm going to start swinging
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it is true what they say that online courses are what will cause society to eventually collapse
#i say after choosing of my own free will to enroll in two online courses#sat in front of my laptop for two hours only to achieve absolutely nothing <3 instead cried over the syllabus and sent my best friend a#five-minute long voice message crying and also complaining. all over a public speaking class my advisor told me all i would have to do is#send in videos NOT be forced into groups to present speeches over zoom are you crazy. and don’t even get me started on my work schedule next#week#my period is 8 days late can you tell#someone shut her (liv) up!
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This workshop thing I'm part of is like "all of the workshops will be recorded so if you're not able to see them when they're live you can watch them later--except this really interesting one, which is at 2pm on a monday. We know it's really interesting though, so if you have to miss that one, we're also doing it a second time! At 930 am on a tuesday. It's two hours long btw."
Like. Thanks.
#chit chat#it's really hard to learn to be an artist when all the teaching artists are self employed and do classes at the most random of hours#this goes for like every art btw#the writing group at my library meets at 1030am on tuesdays#like??? y'all heard of a day job????#im gonna become a dental assistant at my local dentistry i guess so that i can have a three day work week#but if i did that everyone would change their schedule so their classes were thurs fri sat i guarantee it#it pays less than forklift driver also. but. three day work week.
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not exaggerating not blowing the situation out of proportion prommy but I think I’d rather do literally anything else before that chemistry group project. put me in the furnace or something. mountain. exam?? ?
#raii talks a lot#Please anything else. I made. Like a list of things that the group needs to do. and it’s stuff I need to do/stuff I need to make them do#And ik they’re not gonna care or listen to me. Even though I’m the group leader because no one else gave a shit and this is a big grade#like sorry for being a loser guys sorry for being a nerd but boy howdy we should do this thang huh. Pass this class. You sophomore shits#very close to asking my prof if i can get out of doing this. because I leave this year and they obviously dont#And I have ap tests and a sat which they also don’t have and god id take a full exam over this at this point#There’s just so much to do and so many things I want to prioritize and I’m so ashamed to ask my prof that because I like him and what if he#says no that would be mortifying. coping by making lists and trying to work ahead and reading mk which doesn’t help chem-wise#but it does make me feel less like passing out in agony. like woah i love this book I love this guy!!! I’m going to attack classmates#I loooove complaining I love this book I love kicking people and raging
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there’s a really cute guy in my two morning uni classes …. actually devastated …. and he’s smart …… AND HES STUDYING TO BE A TEACHER ??????? nooooooooooooooooo
#very upsetting#but i accidentally sat down with girls who are doing the same topic for the group assignment as me#and we were all like wtf that’s actually so crazy#anyways i haven’t seen cute boys in sooo long#so devastated by this#now i have to come for my 8am classes#sigh he’s very cute#i shall pine from a distance#rosie rambles
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I’ve spent the day making jam and baking bread and I think I’m finally happy <3
#also both of my classes got cancelled today but I found out once I was already on campus#so sat and did some work on a group presentation (🤢) for next week#my hatred for group work has not changed since high school
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#went to another figure drawing class and got a rent decrease today and started balder’s gate#time to top off the night with some ramen#miscellaneous#been feeling weird about the far future lately but just need to focus on the present#also also at the class a dude sat next to me and I pieced together he was younger than my brother and like. that’s not allowed 😭#I know I know people 4 years younger than me are 22 but STILL#YOURE BORN IN 2001 😭#lmao it’s really funny my friend groups all cut off at 23 like no one younger than my brother allowed#okay okay. to the ramen shop
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