#dear diary: fml

[vagueconfusion]

it is late so I'm going to be a lil too vulnerable on main and then probably bury it so it doesn't get seen

sometimes I still get really upset that when my mental health took (even more of) a dive when I tried college my family mostly left me to deal with it on my own. and I struggled with it really hard for almost a decade. the only thing bringing this up would do is destroy or strain relationships that I rely on to keep myself housed and safe, and I also still love them despite everything.

but it hurts to have lost such a big chunk of my life while repeatedly asking for help, and sometimes being told yes they would help, only for it to rarely materialize. lingering in this only paralyzes me though, so I'm trying to learn to let it go but it's difficult

[pinyeti]

anyone got tips on how NOT to be a pathetic extrinsic motivation whore?

[lifebefore30]

Flash!

I remember being an outgoing child, for the most part. When I was at school or with other children my age. But if I was around adults, especially family, I sat still and kept my mouth shut. The glares, insults, shouts, and demands I was given anytime I shown enthuiasim for anything. Anytime I wanted to share my opinion or showed my emotions.

I had to be like a doll.

There is one memory that sticks out in my head. It was embarrassing. And now I have better knowledge of why it happened and where it came from.

I was at school, in the first grade. I had a huge crush on a boy in my class, Felix. Bright blonde hair and blue eyes. He was popular and friendly with everyone.

One day at recess, I was with a group of other kids on the black top. Felix was with some other boys on the grassy hill behind the playground equipment. For some reason we wanted to get their attention. I was more interested in Felix coming over to play. Everyone started waving and shouting toward them but they didn't notice.

An idea suddenly came to me. And without thinking at all, I told my classmates what I thought I should do.

"Hey, what if I lifted up my shirt and flashed Felix?" I giggled.

The looks I received still haunt me. The judgmental expressions. Disgusted, confused, shocked. No one even said anything. They all walked away from me. Then I saw a couple of them run to Felix and I knew they were telling him what I said. 

Maybe he would find it funny and cute and come talk to me.

Nope.

He had the same expression on his face. I don't remember him ever talking to me again. After that, most of the kids ignored me.

I only had one classmate stay friends with me from that school. His name was Lance. He became my best friend. Our parents joked that when we were older, we would get married. At the time, I really like that idea.

[theforgottenlittleprincess]

https://linktr.ee/littlestoftheones

I made a silly link tree to consolidate and it just looked fun in all honesty… I also made an OF that isn’t linked yet since I haven’t done anything with it yet… I waaaas getting mentored on reddit about how to get back into adult cam stuff and how to be successful on OF buuuuut with all the drama over something the ceo did reddit has gone all to hell in a hat basket… well… ok it already kinda was but this time someone like set the basket on freaking fire and doused it in moonshine cause it is bad… so… now I dunno what to do… I don’t want any OF that is totally nsfw and like clickbait level dirty cause that’s just not me.. I want to have fun doing this… I mean it 80% fun/keep me from loosing my 💩

10% confidence building/a little lonely 5% I’m bored (and probably high) 4.5% curious and like 0.5% half hoping for a little bit of financial independence… not holding my breath though… but… now wtf do I do T-T

[psycheddoutt]

being too mature for my age while being treated my age <<

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

7/12/2022

Song- Habanera ( From Carmen WD 31) - Georges Bizet, Katherine Jenkins, The Arcadian Ensemble, James Morgan

Today I bought the Massaman and veggie duck from Blooming Lily (the Thai restaurant downstairs) which is usually my favourite and slaps every time, not today, today I’m stressed and this tasted like shit and I’m just stabbing my carrots. What a fucking start to the day I woke up next to  an amateur boxer, in his bed with fluffy sheets and his huge dog (Socks). Rode my twice used broken bike with my now broken cowboy boots with my arse out , trying to play off my borrowed men’s underwear as short shorts to go to the Organic supermarket to buy myself the finest of apple cider vinegars in hopes of taking the finest of dumps after. Did I succeed? No. Because a shot of apple cider vinegar no matter how much of “the mother” it has inside of it does not eliminate the fact you have been eating like shit and haven’t slept in 3 days. When I got home who else did I expect to see other than Ali for his now daily visits. Ali has come over every day to “borrow soy sauce” since we made out after Bears party last weekend. Who the fuck doesn’t own soy sauce? And who the fuck doesn’t buy their own soy sauce after 5 days of consistently borrowing yours?

yours truly, Sydneys Secret Socialite

[insertvalidusername]

my mom just put a bed in my room and is making my aunt sleep with me. feels like my 13th reason

[calamarr]

literally spent 5 hours trying to code something I absolutely did not need to have for my paper I’m literally so good at grad school

[diaryujin]

𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 𝟐𝟏

summary: yang jungwon preferred to keep to himself and his best friend, sunghoon, not really interacting with anyone else. he wrote about his life in his diary, and recently, he's been writing more about a certain newcomer into his small, troubled world. jang y/n.

includes: heavy angst, abuse, heavy drinking, mobbing (kinda), mentions of insomnia, overworking, starvation etc., major character death, divorce, jw is a raging bisexual and a skz ult, lmk if i missed anything, written in 5-6 hours so obvi rushed-

pairing: high school! jungwon x high school! fem! reader

status: ongoing

Dear Diary,

It’s been a week after that incident. I still haven’t gone to school. I just told my parents that I was sick, and they don’t exactly care about me, so I’ve been staying home. I’ve also been ignoring texts from Sunghoon or Y/N.

It’s my fault.

I shouldn’t have done that.

Okay, even though I like her and I’m pretty sure that she likes me back, I can’t just kiss her like that! I have to ask for consent.

Consent is sexy.

I can’t face her. What will she say to me? What if she stops talking to me? What if she spreads rumors about me? The possibilities are many.

Sunghoon- he’s going to ship us even more now.

Shit.

Fml.

-Yang Jungwon

Taglist (send an ask to be added!): @nwjws

previous masterlist next

[h3avymachin3ry]

dear diary i just played chapter 1 of block tales i fucking hate cruel king fml

ok like. it wasnt rly that bad because i was being hard carried and spam healed + revived 😭😭😭 thabk.u friend

anyways. yeah :,)

[my-ch3mic4l-imb4l4nc3]

Dear Diary,

my health doesnt seem to be getting better, and the days are getting colder and colder, so its not gonna be great.

i havent been going to class, mornings are even colder and everything hurts worse. but my teachers are not happy. as if I were tbh, they can go fuck themselves with their lack of empathy. i know I'm ruining my life but living actually fucking hurts physically rn.

whatever, fml.

also i bought a compressig wristband, because both hands hurt and I only have one, my mothers, and two compressing kneepads and I hope that makes everything a little better, but I'm not counting on it because also the rest of my body will hurt, and the compressed parts will also hurt but less than usual. cant blame me for trying tho.

they finally gave me my work jacket so now whenever I have to spend time in the lobby I don't have to feel cold and make everything hurt more. so maybe ill be able to go to class more if I don't feel even more shitty in the mornings because of that, and convinced with the compression shit my chances are looking better for graduation at least.

i still have studies that need to be done but whatever, i hope to find something that helps or just know what the fuck it is that its fucking my like so fucking much.

well i dont know what else to say for now, so, toodles!

-me

[lifebefore30]

Well, this is NEW

I figured I'm going to use this as some sort of diary. But for the public lol.

Share some stories from my 30 years experience of being alive. If anyone can relate to them, I hope seeing what I write here will help you in some way.

TRIGGERS:::

Depression, anxiety, OCD, intrusive thoughts, unaliving myself, self-harm, SA, child abuse, dark humor (Because I can joke about my own shit)

[theforgottenlittleprincess]

I tell my mom I don’t think lgbtqia people are going to hell and that I don’t think her god would have a problem with it, that I think if he doesn’t make mistakes and he made lgbt people, since it has after all been proven through science that we are born this way, thaaaaan… yeah… we wouldn’t go to hell it’s just logic… but she some how takes that as meaning I think I am more evolved and better than her and other christians and that i’m looking down on her and the rest of the family and the church… like… where tf did THAT come from?!!!

I am the LAST person who would look down on ANYONE… I mean for one I have no self esteem.. her and Nana kinda made sure of that… but.. even more so.. I don’t care what other people think… I mean that’s also why her bs story about not wanting me to be ostracized by out town if I came out as queer story was so absolutely ridiculous… for one everyone in our town decided I was gay back in elementary school, how that happened I have no clue, and no one cares including me…. But it’s kinda interesting how people are so open and accepting when you’re just nice to them… but also even if anyone had a problem I wouldn’t care. It’s their choice how to feel not mine. All I can do is choose how I let it effect me.. and for the most part acids from my family I really don’t care… but honestly I have to care when it comes to them because they have so much control of my life….

But… between me and y’all and the dog… IF i ever get tf out of here… I’m going to release my last flying fuck at the state line and never look back! You can put your money on that! Bet you my seizures will go down tooo… ugh I can feel one coming on again. Damn it! I’ll be back… wish me luck.. i’ll tag when I get back..

[altmari17]

I thought I wanted love 'til you showed me what it was

[because-im-me]

Why am I not a better student?

Why can't I focus? Or study? Or pay attention?

Why do I procrastinate? Why am I so fucking lazy?

Is school really for me?

It doesn't matter anyway

I have no choice . . .

~Because I'm Me

27/10/2022

[tekitourants]

Often people pray to live long but oh God, just cut mine short and let me come back home to you.