#dear diary: fml

[vagueconfusion]

it is late so I'm going to be a lil too vulnerable on main and then probably bury it so it doesn't get seen

sometimes I still get really upset that when my mental health took (even more of) a dive when I tried college my family mostly left me to deal with it on my own. and I struggled with it really hard for almost a decade. the only thing bringing this up would do is destroy or strain relationships that I rely on to keep myself housed and safe, and I also still love them despite everything.

but it hurts to have lost such a big chunk of my life while repeatedly asking for help, and sometimes being told yes they would help, only for it to rarely materialize. lingering in this only paralyzes me though, so I'm trying to learn to let it go but it's difficult

[pinyeti]

anyone got tips on how NOT to be a pathetic extrinsic motivation whore?

[lifebefore30]

Flash!

I remember being an outgoing child, for the most part. When I was at school or with other children my age. But if I was around adults, especially family, I sat still and kept my mouth shut. The glares, insults, shouts, and demands I was given anytime I shown enthuiasim for anything. Anytime I wanted to share my opinion or showed my emotions.

I had to be like a doll.

There is one memory that sticks out in my head. It was embarrassing. And now I have better knowledge of why it happened and where it came from.

I was at school, in the first grade. I had a huge crush on a boy in my class, Felix. Bright blonde hair and blue eyes. He was popular and friendly with everyone.

One day at recess, I was with a group of other kids on the black top. Felix was with some other boys on the grassy hill behind the playground equipment. For some reason we wanted to get their attention. I was more interested in Felix coming over to play. Everyone started waving and shouting toward them but they didn't notice.

An idea suddenly came to me. And without thinking at all, I told my classmates what I thought I should do.

"Hey, what if I lifted up my shirt and flashed Felix?" I giggled.

The looks I received still haunt me. The judgmental expressions. Disgusted, confused, shocked. No one even said anything. They all walked away from me. Then I saw a couple of them run to Felix and I knew they were telling him what I said. 

Maybe he would find it funny and cute and come talk to me.

Nope.

He had the same expression on his face. I don't remember him ever talking to me again. After that, most of the kids ignored me.

I only had one classmate stay friends with me from that school. His name was Lance. He became my best friend. Our parents joked that when we were older, we would get married. At the time, I really like that idea.

[theforgottenlittleprincess]

https://linktr.ee/littlestoftheones

I made a silly link tree to consolidate and it just looked fun in all honesty… I also made an OF that isn’t linked yet since I haven’t done anything with it yet… I waaaas getting mentored on reddit about how to get back into adult cam stuff and how to be successful on OF buuuuut with all the drama over something the ceo did reddit has gone all to hell in a hat basket… well… ok it already kinda was but this time someone like set the basket on freaking fire and doused it in moonshine cause it is bad… so… now I dunno what to do… I don’t want any OF that is totally nsfw and like clickbait level dirty cause that’s just not me.. I want to have fun doing this… I mean it 80% fun/keep me from loosing my 💩

10% confidence building/a little lonely 5% I’m bored (and probably high) 4.5% curious and like 0.5% half hoping for a little bit of financial independence… not holding my breath though… but… now wtf do I do T-T

[bendiciones444]

i've been single for like a week and a half and i already have two crushes

[mizzfizz]

so. i'm gonna explode.

[epic-phie]

disappeared 4 a bit cuz life's kicking my ass guys

[thecitysecretsocialite99]

7/12/2022

Song- Habanera ( From Carmen WD 31) - Georges Bizet, Katherine Jenkins, The Arcadian Ensemble, James Morgan

Today I bought the Massaman and veggie duck from Blooming Lily (the Thai restaurant downstairs) which is usually my favourite and slaps every time, not today, today I’m stressed and this tasted like shit and I’m just stabbing my carrots. What a fucking start to the day I woke up next to  an amateur boxer, in his bed with fluffy sheets and his huge dog (Socks). Rode my twice used broken bike with my now broken cowboy boots with my arse out , trying to play off my borrowed men’s underwear as short shorts to go to the Organic supermarket to buy myself the finest of apple cider vinegars in hopes of taking the finest of dumps after. Did I succeed? No. Because a shot of apple cider vinegar no matter how much of “the mother” it has inside of it does not eliminate the fact you have been eating like shit and haven’t slept in 3 days. When I got home who else did I expect to see other than Ali for his now daily visits. Ali has come over every day to “borrow soy sauce” since we made out after Bears party last weekend. Who the fuck doesn’t own soy sauce? And who the fuck doesn’t buy their own soy sauce after 5 days of consistently borrowing yours?

yours truly, Sydneys Secret Socialite

[insertvalidusername]

my mom just put a bed in my room and is making my aunt sleep with me. feels like my 13th reason

[calamarr]

literally spent 5 hours trying to code something I absolutely did not need to have for my paper I’m literally so good at grad school

[memoirofasparklemuff1n]

no body, no crime chapter 2- dear diary,

summary: three years after your disappearance you return to the outer banks, only with no recollection of your time away. now that you're back, weird things start happening and everyone seems to be hiding secrets. the nightmare is far from over.

warnings: 18+ MDNI not because of this chapter but for the story in general <3

a/n: this took so unnecessarily long fml, i said i'd go to sleep at 10 pm... it's 2 fucking am. anyway, tyyy to @sematarygirls for inspiring me with gone girl <3

masterlist

swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.

i took a deep breath and was met with the ocean scent so characteristic of home. i opened my eyes and was met with a white ceiling. looking around i could see that i was out in the terrace on a beach chair with my mom, sister and wheezie staring at me with wide eyes.

“are you ok?” eleanor asked. i sat up, slowly while nodding.

“yeah, i’m ok. what happened?” i laughed nervously. they all exchanged looks but my mother was the one that answered.

“we were in the kitchen and you were eating and then you fainted.” oh. right. shit.

“oh, yeah. sorry about that,” i looked down at my hands nervously.

“honey, you don’t need to apologize, ok? it’s not your fault. besides the doctor said you were still in a fragile condition from the accident. i think we should go tomorrow—”

“No.” I cut her off, and it came a bit sharper than i intended. I softened my tone and squeezed her hand, “I’m ok, mom. The doctor told me this could happen because I’m anemic, remember?” She frowned but nodded, “Yeah, you’re right. I still want to be cautious, alright. Just in case.” I saw that she was scared and i hugged her.

“El? Can you bring me some water, please?” I pulled away from my mom and sat back again.

“Sure.” She went into the kitchen and Wheezie followed her, probably because she felt weird being around me and i honestly didn’t blame her.

“Honey. I know this is too soon, you’ve only been back for a few weeks and its your first day here but I have to know,” she said. Fuck, i Knew what was coming and i didnt know what to say so i stayed silent.

“what happened? Did you run away? Please tell me it was that because i cannot bear the thought of someone causing you harm. Please, I need to know.” Her tone had turned desperate and my heart clenched. I didn’t know what to say but before I could answer, Eleanor came with my water with a frown, sensing the tension in the air.

the front door bell rang and the four of us turned to each other as if we had any clue. my mom stood up and said that she’d get it so now it was only the three of us.

“Wheezie?” I asked. She looked up from her hands and raised her eyebrows, “Yes?”

“How is Sarah?” Her eyes widened and her mouth opened to respond but a voice interrupted her.

“Right behind you.” I froze and then turned. Sarah Cameron, right here in the flesh with a huge smile on her face and before i could say something she rushed to me and enveloped me into a hug that would’ve hurt much more if it had been a few weeks ago. I hugged her back tightly and we both started sobbing and laughing because we couldn’t get our words out fast enough.

“I missed you so much, star. Don’t ever do that again, please. I know its not your fault but still.” She pulled back and wiped my tears away when i did the same.

“I missed you too. I’m sorry,” it was starting to feel like that was all i could say now. i’m sorry.

“Ugh, forget it. We’ve all missed you so much, but the others couldn’t come because they’re working.” Her sobs had eased down and she couldn’t seem to stop touching my face as if committing it to memory.

“It’s ok. I get it, just let them know they can come whenever. I’ve missed you all so much, too” She laughed and nodded before hugging me again.

“Well, I came to see you and also for wheezie. Our dad wants us to come home for a family meeting,” she said mockingly and wheezie laughed. My mom and sister looked at the interaction silent but with amusement.

“Oh! I just remembered. We’re going to have a gathering at my house this weekend if you want to come. You’re all invited of course,” she smiled at us and we all nodded.

“Sure! That’ll be fun. Will the others be there?” I asked Sarah and she nodded. “Well, I think JJ might not be able to come but if you’re going i’m sure he’ll come for sure. He’s been kind of a mess since you…” Her voice trailed off and we all looked uncomfortable. Eleanor tried to lighten the mood by saying we should all have a sleepover and sarah agreed and said she’d tell Kiara and Cleo so we could all have a girls night, my mom included and she brightened up at that. it was obvious that she loved feeling included.

“My mom’s so cool, we’ll have the best sleepover,” I said with a laugh and they all joined in. Sarah then said she really had to go, but that she’d be back as soon as she could to spend time with me.

“Sure, have fun at your meeting!” that caused Wheezie and Sarah to leave with a groan which only made us laugh.

After they left we talked for a bit before i excused myself for bed, even though the sky had barely begun to darken. one of the perks of my current situation was that it gave me pretty much the ability to do anything i wanted. i entered my room and locked the door behind me before throwing myself on my bed. That’s when i felt something hard in the mattress. Huh. I lifted myself up again and jumped back and this time i felt it harder. I frowned, and got up. i looked beneath the mattress but there was nothing. I looked under the bed to see if whatever it was had fallen but no. wtf. i rolled my eyes and laid down again but there it was. i couldn’t take it anymore so i removed all of the bedding until the mattress was completely bare. i then pushed it to the floor and started pressing until i felt it.

“it’s stitched perfectly though, it makes no sense,” i muttered to myself. unless someone stitched it up. thank you, captain obvious. i sighed and looked around before walking to my vanity to see if there was something sharp enough to break through the mattress. I kept looking like a maniac until i stumbled across a pair of scissors in my closet. who keeps a pair of scissors in their closet? me, apparently.

i rushed to the mattress and pressed down until i found the same hard spot. I took the scissors and carefully cut along the stitching because i needed a bed to sleep in, of course. once i ripped enough of the stitching out i fit my hand through the opening and touched what seemed like a book. i pulled it out and when i opened it i saw the name ‘star’ written on the front page. the same name sarah had called me. my nickname. things were beginning to clear and i flipped the journal until it fell open on a page.

june 1, 2022. the year i disappeared.

oh shit.

heyyy, if you made this far tyyyy <3 it's still kinda shitty but it'll get better (i think)

rafe is almost here!! im so excited but we'll have to wait. lmk if you have any theories!!! do you think the nickname star is important or just random? ;)

[minaharkerdailymirror]

Mina meeting fake Rashid and finding out he's Armand like "Dear diary, maybe now that he's Armand, he'll cover those things up" next day: "Dear diary, the neck is even lower, and Daniel is looking. FML"

[lifebefore30]

Well, this is NEW

I figured I'm going to use this as some sort of diary. But for the public lol.

Share some stories from my 30 years experience of being alive. If anyone can relate to them, I hope seeing what I write here will help you in some way.

TRIGGERS:::

Depression, anxiety, OCD, intrusive thoughts, unaliving myself, self-harm, SA, child abuse, dark humor (Because I can joke about my own shit)

[theforgottenlittleprincess]

I tell my mom I don’t think lgbtqia people are going to hell and that I don’t think her god would have a problem with it, that I think if he doesn’t make mistakes and he made lgbt people, since it has after all been proven through science that we are born this way, thaaaaan… yeah… we wouldn’t go to hell it’s just logic… but she some how takes that as meaning I think I am more evolved and better than her and other christians and that i’m looking down on her and the rest of the family and the church… like… where tf did THAT come from?!!!

I am the LAST person who would look down on ANYONE… I mean for one I have no self esteem.. her and Nana kinda made sure of that… but.. even more so.. I don’t care what other people think… I mean that’s also why her bs story about not wanting me to be ostracized by out town if I came out as queer story was so absolutely ridiculous… for one everyone in our town decided I was gay back in elementary school, how that happened I have no clue, and no one cares including me…. But it’s kinda interesting how people are so open and accepting when you’re just nice to them… but also even if anyone had a problem I wouldn’t care. It’s their choice how to feel not mine. All I can do is choose how I let it effect me.. and for the most part acids from my family I really don’t care… but honestly I have to care when it comes to them because they have so much control of my life….

But… between me and y’all and the dog… IF i ever get tf out of here… I’m going to release my last flying fuck at the state line and never look back! You can put your money on that! Bet you my seizures will go down tooo… ugh I can feel one coming on again. Damn it! I’ll be back… wish me luck.. i’ll tag when I get back..

[mizzfizz]

... can you guess what happened? (it was a fail)

k, bet, i am doing a revamp tmw morning. praying the ship sails on smooth seas

[diaryujin]

𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 𝟐𝟏

summary: yang jungwon preferred to keep to himself and his best friend, sunghoon, not really interacting with anyone else. he wrote about his life in his diary, and recently, he's been writing more about a certain newcomer into his small, troubled world. jang y/n.

includes: heavy angst, abuse, heavy drinking, mobbing (kinda), mentions of insomnia, overworking, starvation etc., major character death, divorce, jw is a raging bisexual and a skz ult, lmk if i missed anything, written in 5-6 hours so obvi rushed-

pairing: high school! jungwon x high school! fem! reader

status: ongoing

Dear Diary,

It’s been a week after that incident. I still haven’t gone to school. I just told my parents that I was sick, and they don’t exactly care about me, so I’ve been staying home. I’ve also been ignoring texts from Sunghoon or Y/N.

It’s my fault.

I shouldn’t have done that.

Okay, even though I like her and I’m pretty sure that she likes me back, I can’t just kiss her like that! I have to ask for consent.

Consent is sexy.

I can’t face her. What will she say to me? What if she stops talking to me? What if she spreads rumors about me? The possibilities are many.

Sunghoon- he’s going to ship us even more now.

Shit.

Fml.

-Yang Jungwon

Taglist (send an ask to be added!): @nwjws

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