#are my group partners on which I cannot rely

[nazumichi]

I’m like if sisyphus was me and that rock was my chemistry group project. I’m like if prometheus was me and those eagles were my group project partners. I’m like

[beatingtheouijaboardallegations]

forever tired of our voices being turned into commodity.

forever tired of thorough medaocrity in the AAC business. how that is rewarded. How it fails us as users. how not robust and only robust by small small amount communication systems always chosen by speech therapists and funded by insurance.

forever tired of profit over people.

forever tired of how companies collect data on every word we’ve ever said and sell to people.

forever tired of paying to communicate. of how uninsured disabled people just don’t get a voice many of the time. or have to rely on how AAC is brought into classrooms — which usually is managed to do in every possible wrong way.

forever tired of the branding and rebranding of how we communicate. Of this being amazing revealation over and over that nonspeakers are “in there” and should be able to say things. of how every single time this revelation comes with pre condition of leaving the rest behind, who can’t spell or type their way out of the cage of ableist oppression. or are not given chance & resources to. Of the branding being seen as revolution so many times and of these companies & practitioners making money off this “revolution.” of immersion weeks and CRP trainings that are thousands of dollars and wildly overpriced letterboards, and of that one nightmare Facebook group g-d damm it. How this all is put in language of communication freedom. 26 letters is infinite possibilities they say - but only for the richest of families and disabled people. The rest of us will have to live with fewer possibilities.

forever tired of engineer dads of AAC users who think they can revolutionize whole field of AAC with new terrible designed apps that you can’t say anything with them. of minimally useful AI features that invade every AAC app to cash in on the new moment and not as tool that if used ethically could actually help us, but as way of fixing our grammar our language our cultural syntax we built up to sound “proper” to sound normal. for a machine, a large language model to model a small language for us, turn our inhuman voices human enough.

forever tired of how that brand and marketing is never for us, never for the people who actually use it to communicate. it is always for everyone around us, our parents and teachers paras and SLPs and BCBAs and practitioners and doctors and everyone except the person who ends up stuck stuck with a bad organized bad implemented bad taught profit motivated way to talk. of it being called behavior problems low ability incompetence noncompliance when we don’t use these systems.

you all need to do better. We need to democritize our communication, put it in our own hands. (My friend & communication partner who was in Occupy Wall Street suggested phrase “Occupy AAC” and think that is perfect.) And not talking about badly made non-robust open source apps either. Yes a robust system needs money and recources to make it well. One person or community alone cannot turn a robotic voice into a human one. But our human voice should not be in hands of companies at all.

(this is about the Tobii Dynavox subscription thing. But also exploitive and capitalism practices and just lazy practices in AAC world overall. Both in high tech “ mainstream “ AAC and methods that are like ones I use in sense that are both super stigmatized and also super branded and marketed, Like RPM and S2C and spellers method. )

[boreal-wood]

Alright wise guy, what are your thoughts on the theme(s) of the first Mistborn book. This is literally an excuse for you to ramble about it, have fun.

VOID I LOVE YOU SM

So spoilers for Mistborn: The Final Empire! If you haven't read it, please beware because under the cut, Here There Be Spoilers (and also beware, Very Long post under the cut!)

The big running theme in The Final Empire is trust. Who can one really trust? Is it worth it to put your life in the hands of other people? What says they won't betray you as soon as it becomes favorable to do so?

Honestly this really is what Vin's character arc in the first book is about. At the beginning of the book, she's trapped in a low-level street gang where everyone is always out to get everyone else. Heck, the second time the audience ever sees her use her powers is when she is helping her boss betray a business partner.

Vin's brother has beaten into her the idea that she can trust nobody, not even him. Everyone is always out to hurt her or take advantage of her, and if she does not prove her immediate worth to her group, then at best she will be kicked out.

This, of course, is not helped by the fact that she is part of the literal slave class! Which is a whole nother essay tbh.

Then Kelsier takes her in and everything changes. There's a scene early on in the book, after vin formally joins the crew, where Kelsier and his men are all laughing and enjoying themselves while plotting their Big Plan™. And Vin, who does not trust any of them, is on the outside, quite literally. She's outside the room, watching them plan, wishing she could be included but not allowing herself to, because at this point in the book she still thinks they could betray her at any time.

I think now is a really good time to mention that being a Mistborn is built on secrecy and paranoia. Mistborn are literally the nobility's assassins. They hide their identities under hoods that blend into the mist so as not to be seen. So their powers cannot be used against them or their Noble Houses. In broad daylight they have to pretend to be normal people, or at best, regular Mistings. They can't trust anyone with the truth that they are Mistborn.

(Heck, even a quarter of their powerset- Copper and Bronze- create mistrust. With Bronze, after all, one can hear the allomantic pulses of burning another metal. Copper, on the other hand, blocks that; the use cases for these two metals lies in paranoia that someone else can use their Allomantic powers against you.)

Anyways! So we've explored some of the different aspects of mistrust in Mistborn, so what's the counterargument?

In a word: Kelsier.

Kelsier shakes up everything that Vin believes about how relationships work. He introduces his crew as something different- despite being a thieving crew, they operate under a principle of trust and camaraderie. "My crews rely on trust," Kelsier says at one point. In direct contrast to the dirty, paranoid crews Vin worked with before, Kelsier's crew is welcoming, understanding, and trusting of her.

But Kelsier's trust isn't just talk, either. When we learn that the crew believes Mare betrayed them in their last heist, Vin asks Kelsier how he could love Mare even though she betrayed him. Kelsier answers that given the choice between loving Mare and being betrayed or never knowing her, he would choose loving her. "I'd rather trust my men than worry about what will happen if they turn on me."

In the same passage as above, Kelsier poses a question to Vin: where has she been happier? with the old crews that we built on lies and suspicious, or with Kelsier's crew, who trusted each other and let their guards down? It's a rhetorical question, and the meaning is clear: Vin and Kelsier both are happier for risking themselves in order to be loved.

I don't think I've nearly done this topic justice. There are a million more points I could pull out and point to, but I want to end with my favorite quote from The Final Empire. It's from Vin, in Chapter 32. She says:

“Once I may have thought you a fool, but… well, that’s kind of what trust is, isn’t it? A willful self-delusion? You have to shut out that voice that whispers about betrayal, and just hope that your friends aren’t going to hurt you... Distrust is really the same thing, only on the other side. I can see how a person, given the choice of two assumptions, would choose to trust.”

[apotelesmaa]

I lovvvve thinking about dtk and black star like way past the manga (assuming black star is immortal here via him becoming a god out of sheer force of will) dealing with immortality and losing their friends it’s so fascinating to me (statements said by the truly deranged)…. Rotating it in my mind… Incomprehensible rambling under the read more

I think that like objectively kid would probably be the most prepared for it given he’s a literal death god but it would still be painful. He’s not really human but he had the very human experience of growing up with a tight group of friends and now has to deal with the very human emotion of grief and figure out how to navigate that. I feel like he would (shockingly) have a pretty healthy response after a few years of grieving because unlike with his dad he would actually get closure here. Idk if he would ever get another weapon partner again though like he would probably at least use whatever high ranking weapon at dwma was closest on the very rare chance he needed one but nobody could ever replace the thompsons. I feel like he would also just have little reminders of his friends everywhere just to keep them in his memory.

I see a lot of people saying he would withdraw completely and distance himself from humanity but like… I don’t think he would ever do that the thing about kid that really differentiated him from his dad was he was raised with humans and interacted with them frequently which fostered a connection that lord death didn’t really have. He in general has such a love for humanity and people I feel like he would be very involved at the dwma with the students and faculty. Lord death was kinda like… he Liked humans but he still viewed himself as something else first and foremost. Kicking the can of worms that was asura down the road for later never telling anyone anything because it’s a god problem not a problem for humans. He made zero effort to talk to the witches as well because he kinda just went “well they’re all evil and that’ll never change” & never confronted that belief. As opposed to dtk who went to the witches to help and put all his faith in his friends and relied on them heavily. He Likes People… He still would want to talk to the humans around him and help them. I cannot see him doing what his dad did and just locking himself in the death room forever and ever. Nothing will replace his friends but that doesn’t mean he can’t make new friends.

Black star however I think would handle it poorly for a long time I don’t think he knows what healthy coping mechanisms are. He’s very all or nothing. Only deals in extremes. Stuck in the anger stage of grief for a long time. I think he would fuck off into the wilderness for like 5 years and stew into his depression before eventually coming back to dwma like a sad wet cat. Kid knew where he was the entire time but knew he needed space so he just let him be. (Dtk voice) oh good you’re back (genuine) you are going to therapy if even if I have to drag you there myself & if you ever disappear like that again I will make you do paperwork for years (threatening). I think he would to some extent become as distanced as lord death was just because he doesn’t want to go through that again. Friendly with all the people around him but never really going past a surface level of knowing them. Also he would absolutely never get another weapon partner he would just pull a mifune and use a real non magic boring sword. Eventually gets better about the distance thing because kid mandated therapy if he wanted to keep doing missions. He kinda becomes the go to guy at dwma for dangerous missions because he thinks they’re fun and he enjoys bragging about it. Maybe trains some students on the side and makes suggestions about the curriculum. He gets absolutely no say in the day to day operations of the dwma though he would burn it to the ground. Black star lies and tells students he’s the second cooler death god. (BS voice) who cares about that stuffy guy who does boring paperwork all day you guys should be worshipping ME (dtk voice) that is because he does not know how to do paperwork. he just submits his autograph.

I ultimately think they would support each other and rely on each other because they’re friends first and foremost but also because they’re kinda the only ones who get what it’s like. They both keep the memory of their friends alive and it’s nice to have someone else who remembers them. Insert the panels of black star saying he wants to bring about a balanced world with kid or whatever he said during their rematch. Sharing the burden of both grief and also keeping the world’s balance in check. Excalibur also gets it but he and black star cannot be in the same room for more then 10 minutes before black star starts trying (and failing) to violently murder him.

As a side note I think dtk and Excalibur would become… not friends. But Excalibur was close to his dad and seems to feel some degree of responsibility over kid because of it. Functions as the annoying pop up window that tells kid to take a break and occasionally gives good advice when he isn’t acting Like That. Dtk forgives black star for ghosting him for 5 years but will never forgive being forced to spend 5 years with Excalibur by himself & so every time Excalibur comes by kid redirects him to black star like “black star was just telling me the other day he couldn’t remember your legend you should go remind him :)”

[azalen-draws]

I'm on a fucking roll fr fr

I made an OC Introduction 🤠

꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡~~~~~~~~~~~~(⁠´⁠ε⁠｀⁠ ⁠)

Name: Eztli Dzata

Birthday: March 20th

Affiliation: Seven Sovereigns

Gender: Male

Rarity: 5*

Weapon: Claymore

Ancient Dragon's Authority: Pyro

Constellation: Flammeum Anguis

An old dragon that was found in the deepest chamber of the Great Volcano of Tollan Was found to be greatly weakened from the centuries of isolation. The Pyro Archon Requested him to transform into a human

Signature weapon

Flamelord's everlasting ember

Claymore

Crit Damage

66.2

Base ATK

608

Blazing embrace

Increases Crit Rate against opponents affected by Pyro by 80%. Opponents affected by Pyro are instead dealt DMG equal to 200% of ATK. Can only occur once every 10s

Name card

Storge of a dragon

"...For a protector's job may never end, their will and love be as undying as their soul will forevermore be..."

Constellation

Partner:

Neuvillette

Eztli adores the Chief Justice and would drop everything if the man ever receives a letter requesting his presence (Which of course is rare for Neuvillette to open up even to his partner, he is used to relying on himself, so Eztli checks up on him every week, bringing him flowers or other gifts)

(Little Eztli on his way to his beloved)

Fun Facts:

Has a great soft spot for children

Holds the Archons in high regard... except for the Geo Archon, refuses to elaborate further whenever asked

In his Night soul state, he will discard his cloak, his markings will light up and the markings on his face will appear

Adores sweets, though refuses to admit it

The crown of feathers behind his ears are actually part of him, if ever touched or even pulled, he will become absolutely offended for an indefinite amount of time.

Is capable of engulfing his claymore and extremities in fire, will only last for 1 minute

(10 seconds in game lol)

Drip marketing!

~~~~~~~~

References

Tépactl, blade used for ritualistic sacrifices to venerate the gods in Mexica tribes. It is also associated in the Aztec calendar the day March 20, which is coincidentally the first day of spring

Macuahitl, a weapon mostly associated with the Jaguar warriors, preceded the Mexica. Tools made of obsidian fragments were used by some of the earliest Mesoamerican groups. It was a club-like weapon made of wood with edges inlaid with obsidian, a volcanic glass, on each side.

(I used mostly number 2 as reference)

Quetzalcóatl, also well known as the Feathered Serpent, yes, I know Genshit used Xiuhcōātl or also called the Turquoise Serpent. I decided to draw sort of a parallel, Eztli is not Xiuhcoatl (Genshit's), but he is a reincarnation, just how Neuvillette is a reincarnation to the og Hydro dragon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rambling time

I used WAY more references but these were the most... important ig, also, yes I am Mexican but I am not that connected to my history, I really mostly created Eztli to nudge myself to learn more about my culture. And honestly, most of Natlan gave me a weird vibe, its... too modern...? not that I expected them to be in tribal clothing ofc, it's just weird to see the women with crop tops and FUCKING ORORON WITH JEANS

It's just personal preference tho, I did make Eztli sort of more leaning on post conquista with the pants and metal armor... but also mixed more ancient armor, I hope I did a sort of good job and I'm open to advice!

...

Also... I'm kinda conflicted with the game, I love it, it's fun for me, but with all that's happening it's just... I don't even know how to write it! I want to separate it from everything that's happening, but it's just so jarring, and I enjoy the characters but their designs make me feel weird, maybe its the fact that I have a positive view of the game since I started playing for someone I love and only continued because I got so attached to it, and I cannot pick up another game and I don't know why

I don't think I like Natlan as much as I hoped, but whatever that's enough whining from me, I think I'll continue until I get the characters I want and ditch the game

Maybe I'll continue making art of Neuvillette and Eztli, and maybe other characters they're genuinely so enjoyable for me

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Getting a submission for a matchup before this closes!!!

Let's start by talking a bit personality wise. I'm a very extroverted woman with very nerdy hobbies. While I love going out with my friends, having fun at parties and talking, dancing and laughing until I can't anymore (I have literally gotten sick out of how much I laughed many times because my throat gets sore, and my friends always express how contagious and genuine my laugh sounds) I'm also a very independent person that can get lost in all the good things one can do in complete solitude.

I'm a history buff and a literature freak, jumping from one hyper-fixation to another only when I know everything there is to know about a certain topic (love discovering all the deep lore haha!). I am also pretty independent, and many times I've caught myself having to force myself to check my phone because I could go days without talking to anybody if I get too lost in whatever I am doing. I tend to only rely on myself and almost never look for outside help to solve my problems, but I'm not work-motivated at all.

My most significant quality however, which both comes as a virtue and a flaw, is that I can read people and situations like books. I'm that person that knows the ending to most movies by the first five minutes of it, or the one that knows exactly the intentions of someone when talking with them. Because of that, I can be incredibly insightful, but also somewhat manipulative.

Other than that, I'm a short, blond girl with slightly tan skin and an obsession for warm colors, so much so that my family and friends tend to call me "little sun". I'm an ENFT. I'm also someone incredibly romantic --if I'm in a relationship, only that partner exist for me, so I'm also monogamous. I'm bisexuality, but I tend to be more attracted to masculine people, but I have also dated girls in the past (which means that if you only can/want do one match up, preferably masculine please!)

And that's it!!! Thank you so so much for taking requests 🌼

A/N: OOh boy, my Little Sun Anon, I have to tell you I read your first paragraph and immediately had someone in mind and the more I read the more perfect I thought they’d be for you lol. Thank you so much for your description, especially the way you spoke about your personality- it gave me a super clear picture. I feel like I know you now, lol. 

As for a matchup, because you said you’re bi, but tend to date more masculine people, I’ve given you two answers below, one male and one female- so you can choose who you feel is most accurate. But if I’m being honest, the first matchup, (the male one in this case) is who I think you’re most compatible with. 

For you, my Little Sun, I think you’re best paired with either Gale (Male) or Karlach (Female)!

💜 Gale is literally the PERFECT match for you! He’s more introverted, but charismatic and a huge nerd. He loves learning, and has a history of hyper fixating on something until he gets it himself. He’s not the funniest guy in Baldur’s Gate, but he does have a decent sense of humor. And he cannot, I mean, absolutely cannot stop himself from making puns and dad jokes. Like… literally all of the time. 

Gale loves how outgoing and extroverted you are. He’s not super shy per say, but he can be a bit awkward socially, so he’s very grateful to you for coming to his rescue in conversation quite often. And he’s incredibly happy you have tons of friends. Friends and him haven't always been compatible, and since his breakup with Mystra even less so. So he’s pleased you have a larger than average group of companies to introduce him to. Plus it takes the pressure off of him in a way, knowing he’s not the only companion you have to go to for outings or advice. He does enjoy a good party, especially if there's good wine and good food, but he also likes to spend a good amount of time just being quiet indoors. So if you ever want to party, but he wants to read, he has no problems wishing you the best of times with your friends so long as you always come home to him in the end. 

He’s also very pleased to be with someone with such a rich sense of humor, and the love of laughter. Personally, he thinks he can be hysterical, and he feels a swell of pride every time you can’t help but fall into a laughing fit over one of his jokes. 

He’s even more grateful you appreciate the knowledge of a good book, or a good study session as it can be rather challenging to find extroverts who do. He’s more than willing to spend hours in study or discussion with you, happy to prattle on about all he knows on any magical subject of your choosing. He’s also relieved you don’t find it odd to spend time apart. Gods know how he can get lost in a good book, or while practicing a spell. And he’d hate for you to feel ignored or left out. He’s very soothed by your understanding. 

He does ask that you confide in him more. He knows it can be difficult opening up, he suffers from the same problem himself. But, he wants you to know you can rely on him as your partner. And he hopes you’re okay with him coming to you. He believes partners work best when they’re a team, and so long as the two of you can communicate openly and freely, there’s nothing you can’t get through together. 

He doesn’t find it manipulative that you’re adept at reading people. If anything, he feels safer knowing you can take care of yourself when he’s not there. He hasn't always been the best judge of character in the past, so he’s often put at ease with you by his side when meeting new people, knowing you can judge their true intentions within minutes of knowing them. 

Gale thinks you’re so gorgeous, especially in all of your bright warm colors. He does think of you as his own personal ray of sunshine. You’re just so warm and comforting to be around. I mean he’s also incredibly romantic. In a relationship, he believes in 100% commitment, full monogamy, no one beyond your partner should be a blip on your romantic radar. And that’s exactly how he loves it. You essentially become the center of his universe, so your nickname is quite ironic as you basically become Gale’s ‘Little Sun’. 

Gale, to me, is an ENFP, so he also has extroverted intuition and feeling. The two of you are very good at instinctively knowing each other's feelings and thoughts. You can communicate with just a look- no words necessary. And you can tell, from the look in Gale’s eyes, that he loves you more than words could ever say. 

❤️️ Karlach would also be a fine fit for you, if you’d prefer a female partner. She’s a ball of energy, and she loves to have fun! She loves how hard you laugh. She tries to get you to laugh so hard, you’re sick, so long as she gets to laugh with you!

She’s not super into literature or deep lore, but she loves how excited you get about it. She’ll beam listening to you rant about all you’ve learned and you watch her train with the same proud interested expression. 

Karlach is also independent in that she’s been forced to rely solely on herself for years. She’s not used to having someone to turn to when things go south, but she’s really glad you’re there to remind her she doesn’t have to face anything alone. She welcomes your advice and your partnership in everything she does. The only thing she’s hesitant to share with you is any fighting skills, as she wants to keep you safe, far, faw away from any battlefield. 

She does grow occasionally weary of your ability to read people, but not because she thinks it’s manipulative, but out of fear if you do it on her, you won’t like what you find. Please reassure her, she’s wonderful. She still feels some guilt over the things she was forced to do in the past. She’s very happy you can read others though. Gods know if she could read people like that, maybe she wouldn’t have ended up working for Gortash, maybe she would've been able to see through him. 

Karlach thinks you’re absolutely fucking gorgeous! She loves your blonde hair and tan skin, and the fact that she can easily pick you up and toss you over her shoulder lol. She thinks you look incredible in all your warm colors- especially the color red. If you really want to surprise her, wear an all red outfit and just wait and see her reaction. She’ll probably burn hotter than the sun in response lol. 

Karlach is an ESFP, so the two of you have extroverted feelings in common. This makes the two of you go to people for having fun or letting loose. It’s so difficult having to carry the burden of saving the world on your shoulders. It can be full of fear and hopelessness. But then there’s you two: you and Karlach remind the party to laugh, and to live while you can. You play music and sing and Karlach dances to get the mood started. The party spends the night laughing and listening to music- extremely grateful you are among them.

Once the sun sets and the stars settle amongst the sky, you and Karlach might get plenty of offers to join the others for some more ‘fun’, but those honeyed propositions mean nothing to you. You spend the evening in each other's arms, relishing the warmth that radiates from Karlach’s red skin. As you relax in her embrace, you realize something a little ironic: you may be Karlach’s ‘Little Sun’, but she’s your ‘Big Heat’. 

[highlordofkrypton]

CHAPTER 4 SUMMARY: Lilith and Asmodea spend one last night together before they go their separate ways.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I decided to turn a negative in a positive today, so everyone I love gets a new chapter today! Please ENJOY and the next Chapter is where the lore REALLY STARTS.

Anyway, my beautiful and supportive readers who actually know me get a free chapter this week!

TAGS: @achaotichuman @amalhe-kofee @watcherintheweyr @darah-g @sonics-atelier @viktoriaashleyyx @thrumbolt @itsybitsybluesy

READ ON AO3 OR BELOW THE CUT.

The next day, while Asmodea readies her things, Lilith begins working with the girls in preparing them to care for themselves. It’s hard to know who should succeed them in making sure the household runs safely; the bleed comes for them at different times. 

To Pinnes and Messor, the nimblest and the strongest of the girls, Lilith offers them a map of her forests and her mountains. It is a map made of memory with no evidence for the King and his Lords to hold against them. She shows them where to find herbs to spice their food, to heal their wounds and many more uses she has spent years discovering.

To Tatta, a clever girl of nine who learns by observing the world around her, Lilith teaches her about the soul of the cabin they call their home. Tatta already knows about the small leak in their shared room, between the third and fourth bed. Only on the rainiest days does it cause problems, but if she can learn to feel the skies with her wings, she should feel the loom of a storm and work with Pinnes and Messor to make a herb paste to block the hole. Lilith shows her how to fix the combative hinge on the bathroom door and tells her that the window maker will help fix any shattered glass—from the outside—in exchange for lavender pastries.

“You must do everything you can yourselves. Do not let the males in. Do not rely on them. They can scent you, even if you have not yet bled and they will wait for you.” She tells all the girls. To survive is to know the nature of an idle army that has been stripped of all other facets of its identity. These are not the Illyrians of old, and though the stories shared at bedtime are beautiful, it is time for these girls to face their realities.

“Where are you going, Lilith? Can you not take us with you?”

Lilith kneels by the littlest of their group, and holds both her hands. “I would, but I do not know where I am going yet, but I know I cannot stay. It is no longer safe for me here, but when I do find a safe place. I will return. I promise.” She kisses Andis’ hands in hopes of comforting her. “You are strong. All of you are. I will bring supplies for as long as I can. No matter what happens, keep fighting. Do not give up.”

The hardest part will be losing members of their cohort, one by one, as their bodies take their natural course. She thinks to teach them how to brew her poison, but it’s so finicky and painful. They’re all so small; Lilith cannot choose which is the lesser evil. 

“Just hold on until I can figure something out. Now, go see Az sis. You should all learn to cook, go.”  Lilith shoos them to finish packing her own things.

It takes an entire day to finish their preparations, in addition to their regular routines. Lilith and Asmodea tuck the other girls in, sharing in stories of Alunsina, the solar goddess who once guided their people. Once the young ones have slipped into comfortable slumber, Lilith climbs into Asmodea’s cot. The two of them curl into one another, holding each other for the last time.

“Are you sure about this, Az?” 

There must be a lord who would love her enough to trust her. Wings are… freedom. Asmodea is kind, delicate, homely and fiercely caring. She would do anything to protect her household—a worthy partner to a good lord. Lilith simply cannot trust any male that abides by the clipping. Asmodea had once told her, I wonder if I found a Lord as defiant as you, would you accept him or butt heads with him even more?

“Yes.” Asmodea’s voice is a gentle whisper as she leans forward, pressing her forehead against Lilith’s. 

The weight of her ‘ yes ’ is heavy; it carries everything Lilith needs to know. Asmodea has never been complacent about the clipping, or their duty to bear heirs. She has always wanted to belong to someone, and to have a family of her own. Even with all the girls who look up to her as a sister, or a seventeen year old mother figure, it is not the same. She would pay the cost of her wings if that means having something of her own, be it a husband or a child.

“Okay,” Lilith whispers back.

It hurts—

It hurts to know that everything they’ve built is not enough. If only Lilith could find a way to make this permanent, if only she knew how to stop losing sisters, then she wouldn’t have to stand by and watch Asmodea go. 

A gentle, calloused hand his pressed against Asmodea’s cheek. She drinks in the sight of her—hazel doe eye, tufts of wild curls that cannot be tamed, her full lips that only speak kind words, except to humble Lilith when she causes incessant problems for herself. Asmodea is the antithesis of Lilith whose body has been stunted by her poisons—too skinny, too short and frailer than she likes to admit. What Lilith has lost in physicality, she makes up in spirit. They have the same dark hair, though Lilith’s is straight as straw, and eyes. 

“I love you for everything you are, you silly romantic.”

“And I you, you stubborn dreamer.”

The two of them sleep next to one another, entwined as they used to do when they were children and quivering in fear after another sister has been taken for clipping. Tonight is different. Tonight, they hold one another gently in hopes of imprinting comfort and love into each other’s very souls. In the morning, they will part, but they will always have each other. Somewhere in this impossible world, there will be one person who loves them for everything that they are, imperfections and all.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Your tags re: the Woolman article are making me think about some things... No need to respond to this--I'm just sending it over in case you have some insight, as someone who's constantly living and breathing and thinking about these things.

I've often considered my comfort a matter of physical safety. I have multiple compounding disabilities (a lot of them undiagnosed, not a lot of access to competent medical practitioners in my life) which generally directly translate mental stress & physical exertion into negative health outcomes. Insomnia, inability to process nutrients and resulting significant weight loss, joint pain and instability, constant swelling of my lymphs and tonsils, autonomic dysregulation, fatigue and muscle weakness, decreased immune function, and more. When I was working outside of the house regularly, my health was incredibly poor; when the new coronavirus hit and I was forced onto SSI, I was able to move in with a caretaker/partner and my required activity level has gone significantly down. I gained over 30 pounds, started sleeping regularly, stopped subluxing, no longer experience sensory meltdown, and went from getting contagiously sick once or twice a month to once or twice a year.

But my activity level is now only possible because I rely on the structures I think are abysmally unethical. My daily routine involves very light housework, emotional care and trauma work for my partner, and sedentary hobbies like writing poetry. I can't even do useful hobbies that require fine motor skills (i.e. sewing), because of my sustained tremors and dyspraxia. I don't cook, and I rely almost entirely on prepackaged foods and delivery services. We have a small garden, and I work in it occasionally, but nowhere near enough to grow our own food, apart from some tomatoes (very easy plant to care for where I am, but does not a divestment from industrial agriculture make). We've chosen not to care for animals because I don't think I could comfortably manage them. In fact, I do not do much of anything that involves exiting my front or back door, as my sensory overload is strongly triggered by direct sunlight and causes genuine physical pain--something that has become much more difficult to deal with ever since I stopped subjecting myself to it daily.

Frequently, I feel hypocritical for, for example, having a principled and genuinely *angry* opposition to the global supply chain and my principles being in favor of divesting from it and hoping it breaks down entirely--and yet, I myself won't divest from it, because of my own comfort. Because at the end of the day, I certainly wasn't dying before. Perhaps I could re-train myself to not feel the sensory overload I am now so sensitive to--when I was used to experiencing it every day, I barely even noticed it, and things like sunglasses do take the edge off. I was not *dangerously* underweight, just enough to make my life slightly more difficult. Getting sick so frequently was frustrating, but I could significantly up my activity level without upping my socializing or generally being around others, which would make it less likely I reach the level of contagious sicknesses that I was at pre-coronavirus.

The point of all of that being, I have been mulling over this for quite some time, and now I'm considering the matter even more intensely. I have been primarily socializing in online disability support groups for a very long time now, and this kind of talk is always met with the assertion that my comfort is more important than my principles above all else. That I should care for myself, make my life as comfortable as possible, because disabled people deserve to be happy. I agree with that. But simultaneously, my happiness should not come at the expense of others' *lives,* and while I cannot actually stop those people from being exploited and dying, individually, I still resonate with your statements... that my principles are important to live by, and even moreso, that we *must* make the decision to be comfortable with discomfort to destroy these systems to begin with--all of us, individually. I wonder where the threshold is for "comfort" vs "safety" when you are someone whose discomfort can be physically dangerous. How does one assess that danger? Where does one draw the line? I am in the process of feeling out that line... but where are the rules for how to draw it, where are the guidelines... Has anyone even written any?

I appreciate you sharing your insights with the Internet as a whole, allowing me access to them and expanding my worldview. Once again, certainly no pressure to offer any on this ridiculous essay of an ask specifically. This is a matter I will surely be journaling about!

Honestly Anon? I love you for this. You've given me the space to say out loud things I very rarely acknowledge to anyone other than my wife and my therapist. Not because it's private or shameful, but because it's just....so goddamn hard???? To figure this shit out.

Simple answer Anon: we all have to make that judgement call for ourselves based on our values, our needs, and our circumstances. We cannot, and should not, prescribe judgement calls to others, because we can never fully know what their relationship with those factors is like. I meant what I said about needing to refuse to share your power with a system that wields violence in a SUSTAINABLE way, maybe even your whole life. That doesn't mean "strip every connection out and then deal with the consequences until you find a new normal" though. It means "for every place you don't HAVE TO utilize a connection, don't, and be REALLY honest about what "have to" means to you."

Long answer: I have lived a "homesteader" life for poverty and access reasons during my childhod. And now, as an adult, I am returning to it after the sweet joys and freedoms of modern infrastructure, NOT because of poverty, but because of being middle class with an autoimmune disorder that nearly killed me at least twice in the past 5 years. In both cases, there were parts of life that absolutely still relied on systems of power (as a kid, for example, my mom bought me all my clothes through thrift shops for as long as she could, but my body type has always been a bit unusual and by the time I was 10 we had to buy clothes from your standard department store - usually a sears or every once in a while a kohls, and it's not like we weren't aware of the clothing industry's impact on the environment and human life globally. As an adult, I currently depend HEAVILY on technology, and for all that I am a huge advocate against the ongoing atrocities in Sudan and DRC in part due to their geographical role in tech, research, and development from rare earth mining, I also literally cannot survive in the world right now without semi-current tech due to communication needs, work needs, healthcare beeds, etc.)

This is not to say "if I can do it, so can everyone else!!1!" (Obvious bullshit I have no interest in selling yall). But it IS to say that there are so many different reasons and ways that people withdraw their power from systems of violence. For example, people who undergo the process of removing themselves from the public workforce and accessing state or federal financial aid are absolutely withdrawing their (e.g.: labor) power from systems of violence. The fact that your (e.g.: finanancial) power may be placed in various access points, resource pots, etc., really isn't a BAD thing, it's just the reality of being human.

To one extent, this is why I talk about (and try to engage as much as possible in) mutual aid the way I do. It would be literally an impossible demand to tell someone they have to completely withdraw their contributions to and from society in order to have opinions about systems within that society being abusive or unacceptable. The idea that you (or you, or him, or her, or them, or me, or it, or ANYONE) should need to be completely self-sufficient as an individual or a household in order to demand change from resource systems is ultimately one that opressive systems themselves put forward in this twisted all-or-nothing portrayal of autonomy. To buy into that framework is to accept their claim that there is no other way to do things besides theirs or Alone and Unsupported. And we all need to work REALLY hard to remember what utter fucking horseshit that is.

So instead of shaming yourself for being a human being with survival needs you don't want other people to have to die for, focus on asking yourself what you ACTUALLY need, at the literal survival level. Then take the time to think of as many different ways you could meet those needs as possible, even the obviously unreasonable ones. Think about WHAT MAKES THEM unreasonable. Is it an intersection with another need? A societal construct (money, respect, family structure, etc)? A logistical/environmental issue? What would it look like to problem solve for any of those? What is EFFECTIVE at addressing the barriers and what is ACCESSIBLE at addressing the barriers? Figure out, realistically, what it would mean to take the autonomy and choice of each factor FULLY into your hands.

So that way, when you make a decision, you know you've made one based on what is as in line with your values as possible, while taking into account your needs and your circumstances, on a case by case basis. A conscious, thoughtful level. Whatever the outcome is, that's ultimately less important than the fact that you really took the time to observe, understand, and actively participate in the process of impact on the world living your life will inevitably have.

"There is no ethical consumption under capitalism" doesn't mean, as some allege it is understood or used as, "ethical consumption is impossible therefore do whatever you want," it means "your existence and its interaction with the existences of others, whether direct or indirect, WILL have an impact, and not all of that will be good, or within your control, so don't waste time trying to be perfect when what you need to be is respectfully and compassionately INTENTFUL."

So what does that look like for me?

Well, I have an autoimmune disorder, intermittent chronic organ failure, constant pain and frequent limited or restricted mobility, and can't let anything touch a mucus membrane that I don't know the EXACT ingredients of.

So long before a return to homesteading, or COVID, or anything else that's happened in the last 5yrs, I had already been put in the position of needing to be EXTREMELY aware of the origins and distribution chains of everything I came in contact with. I had to start making my foods, drinks, hair and skin care products, hygeine products, hell my own fucking PET FOOD sometimes to cut out potentially lethal exposures to substances I could no longer interact with. And while that list STARTED at 3, it has only grown since, and I now maintain strict isolation from. Well. Basically everything and everyone. It. It sucks, Anon, gonna be honest. I genuinely don't want to do most of it, and between the constant pain, the brain fog, the ADHD, the intermittent flareups that leave me bedridden, etc, my life has basically been nothing more than an endless game of catch-up since I was about 23.

I *am* catching up tho.

Like, one of the things that's really stuck out to me through the near-decade long process is how the every step more distant you take from these systems makes the next step easier.

My first step was removing gluten and corn from my diet, and boy howdy let me tell you, there is NOTHING left for you that you don't make from scratch if you need to avoid both. Your life as "normal" kinda just. Ends there. You know?

Like, I'm about 9yrs into this change in particular, and once or twice a month I STILL manage to bring home something from the market that ends up having a gluten ingredient that got missed in the first scan because I got careless because why the FUCK do egg salad and hair shampoo have wheat flour in it STEVE??????

So the idea of buying any ingredient or food item that has been processed in any way beyond basic cleaning and transport just comes with this inherent thrill of terror every time. And god, the THINGS that I have to CARE about???? Literally, it depends on severities and who you ask, but there are real conversations being had in celiac circles about having to raise their own chickens because COMMERCIAL EGG LAYING CHICKEN FEED HAS WHEAT IN IT AND SO THEY REACT TO THE EGGS???? Nightmares, I'm telling you.

All this to say, the more often the stuff you bring home from the outside world inches you closer to death, the more motivated you are to have a complete understanding of the entire lifespan of anything you come in contact with. The easier it is to just. Do it all your damn self. Not because it's ACTUALLY easy mind you, but because you just don't have the emotional strength to keep pushing back on the sneaky, magical thinking based idea that if you just do it all yourself maybe being alive will hurt a little less. So it's probably not a surprise to anyone that my end goal here is to retreat to about 100+ acres of conservational land that I can slowly restore with edible, astringent, and fiber plants indigenous to the land's ecosystem and then just spend my days puttering around eating nuts and berries and amaranth and spinning thread or weaving cloth for bandages and blankets.

But I can DO that in part because I'm NOT doing it alone, or even just with my own household. I work with friends, colleagues, community resource programs, and everything else to make this stuff happen. I do everything I reasonably can to sustain my life as it needs living in ways that allow me to only depend on infrastructures of systemic violence as a conscious concession that I lack other survivable long term options. And I keep my evolving needs and circumstances in mind in case that ever changes in a way I can take advantage of.

I dunno, I guess....I've lived life a lot of different ways now, and I've come to understand the world really differently. One of the most meaningful frameworks for change I use now isn't eliminating or stopping something, but just. Lessening it.

When we were homeless for a while, we lost basically everything we owned. I think we had a handful of blankets, clothes, the pets, the car, a couple of personal treasures we managed to keep on us, and that was it. And we've stabilized now, but that doesn't mean we can afford things like furniture or dishes or clothes or whatever. Not unless we need them. So we make do with thrifted whenever we can and we also just. Make do without. We haven't had a couch in about 3-4 yrs now. It just wasn't a priority. Same with a dining table or chairs or the like. We have a bed! For a long time it was just a mattress from a lady selling them out of her garage and then we got some box springs, and now we have an actual bedframe! We each have a work desk and chair that's really it tho. A whole house now, and maybe 7 pieces of furniture in the whole place.

It's kinda similar with dishes and clothes. If you have to handwash all your dishes with special hypoallergenic soap that costs. Just so much more. Than normal dishsoap would. You're gonna start being really inventive about your dishes. My wife and I have what I like to call "service for 4" meaning we have 4 plates, 2 bowls and two tupperwares, two pans (1 cast iron, 1 ceramic, same size different functions), two pots (a 4cup stock pot and a 3gal stock pot), a full sheet baking tray, 3 mugs and a few washed jam jars, four of each sppon/knife/fork, and 2 nice butchering knives. Basically all of them are thrifted or gifts. And I could fit almost the whole lot piled together in the 3gallon stock pot for washing as needed. If you have to wash all your clothes in a basin while you shower, and hang them out to dry, you benefit from having only about 2-3 outfits worth of clothes that you can spice up with accessories instead of new combos, that way someone can do a basin full of washing each day and you'll more or less keep up with the pace of laundry. Missing days will happen, but they won't pile up as badly, are easier to recover from, and can - in a pinch - just be taken to a laundromat and dealt with for less than $10.

My floors are all (as much as possible) hardwood, because it's much easier to just put on my dusting or mopping slippers and "skate" around for a while to clean the floors than it is to lug around a vacuum I can't carry or use without pain.

I'm lucky enough to live on land with a creek, a well, and henhouse, so I thatch the henhouse floor with $5/bale clover hay from a local farmer once a week, and keep enough chickens on a rotation to cut down our protein costs and eliminate our egg costs. We're (wifey and me) building a fenced in run this weekend around the hen house so the hens can start foraging for food daily and we can cut back on feed (the area is already planted with lots of lovely chicken safe plants and I figure I'll keep cultivating that for them with replantings as necessary. That way, we can just let them out in the morning and close them back in (if we bother) at night, and top up a 25lb feeder once a week when we change the hay over again. The hay we clear out goes into the garden for mulch and fertilizer, and in turn the chickens get bundles or herbs and veggies and other snacks to supplement their forage and feed. It's an involved first year or so, but once the system is set up it's actually remarkably self-perpetuating.

And a lot of the ways I've changed my life are like that. Intensive to set up right, but shockingly low impact on day to day life once established. And sure it adds up, but like. So do the benefits.

I'm the healthiest I've been in years.

That doesn't always FEEL like much because things do still very badly wrong for me about once a month.

But it used to be daily. I used to push myself through a system of functioning that DID depend largely on these external hierarchical systems, and STILL come up short of resources in the end while experiencing daily symptoms. The more I've removed myself from those systems, the more I've removed their IMPACT on me, both positive and negative. And. At least in my case. It turns out there was always a LOT more negative than positive. I just. Didn't get to see and assess my alternatives, so it was harder to notice. Depending more on subsistence and community systems has turned out to be REALLY healthy for me.

I think part of that has also been learning how to create alternatives out of spaces that feel like voids. It's made it easier for me to cultivate a life of intentional accommodation by familiarizing myself with the process of initializing them.

And I think if that's NOT how you're experiencing your withdrawal of power from systems of violence, then you're not ACTUALLY meeting the needs you are trying to find replacements for OUTSIDE of that system. Maybe you can right then or maybe you can't! But either way it's worth asking why hurting yourself helps anyone else.

Praxis is uncomfortably complex in its simplicity: bring as much safety and compassion and collaboration to your world as you can.

It does include safety, compassion, and collaboration towards OURSELVES as well, after all.

[manty-monster]

ok so, i've been thinking abt this lately cause those "de-sexualize the bodies so we can be naked!" posts keep crossing my feed, right? I do absolutely believe ppl should be able to be naked without being sexualized. But something else has been scratching my brain.

why is sex obscene? I found out, maybe.

I asked some friends for advice to try and help me understand this, most of the answers I got were along the lines of "Because I don't want to see that" or "Because another already separately bad thing could happen", or that it's "meant to control women". We discussed this a bit until someone came across an article labeled "Why do human and non-human species conceal mating? The cooperation maintenance hypothesis"

There were some big flaws to this article, some of which they point out themselves: (indented text is quoted from the article, source at the bottom)

"Importantly, I focus on legitimate mating and sensory concealment (table 1). I examine legitimate mating (i.e. sexual intercourse that is approved of by the social norms of a pair's culture) since its concealment cannot be explained by punishment avoidance" "An unavoidable limitation is that informants may not practise liberal sexual behaviours in the presence of anthropologists that come from cultures where such behaviours are strongly disapproved of"

It talks about some past theories,

"To the best of my knowledge, the first explanation was proposed in 1930 by Malinowski, who argued that public mating ‘excites jealousy. Hence to make love or to eat in public is to invite rivals to seize that which is being enjoyed' ([6], p. 179)." "Half a century later, Symons repeated a similar argument: ‘Ultimately, this [concealed mating] probably is the outcome of reproductive competition. Where food is scarce, and the sight of people eating produces envy in the unfed, eating is often conducted in private. While there are many societies in which everyone has enough to eat, there are no societies in which everyone can copulate with all the partners he or she desires" "Similarly, van Schaik recently hypothesized that ‘the benefit for the man is that it prevents overt contest competition for access to potentially fertile mates, which would threaten male–male cooperation'"

And ultimately concludes

"The cooperation maintenance hypothesis postulates that concealed mating in distantly related species, such as humans and Arabian babblers, is a behavioural strategy to prevent sexual arousal in group members (proximate explanation), and that it has evolved by convergent evolution driven by the need to manoeuvre between two conflicting pressures: maintaining mating control over partner(s) while relying on cooperation with group members who are prevented from mating with these partner(s) (ultimate explanations)."

"I propose that the importance of research on concealed mating may go far beyond revealing ‘sexy' truths about our human species. It may rather provide essential insights regarding the cognitive abilities required for deception, the evolution of cooperation and the strategies employed to maintain it in a competitive world."

So yeah kill the dominant Arabian babbler (Turdoides squamiceps) in your head, sexuality isn't gross or obscene.

[stateswscarlet]

Hi scarlet! So I realized that I felt like I was being held back. I’d love to hear your pov.

Storytime: I was in a long relationship so I got accustomed to having my person (sp). He was my person and basically my best friend that I told everything to, I have always been very private about my life but with him in the picture, I would tell him stuff and forget to inform any of my other friends. I’m also very antisocial and introverted so finding my person was literally a dream come true.

This also resulted in me not rly having any actual close friendships and although I had like one real friendship, she got a boyfriend and became the same exact way I was but even worse (she frl be neglecting me).

We shared a friend group though and so if I wanted to go out because I didn’t want to neglect my friends we would go or vise versa. We didn’t just suddenly abandon them yk. He was the extrovert in our relationship. I spent every single day with him. We also weren’t comfortable with having friends of the opposite gender (if they were our friends before it was good and ofc we could have convos with the opposite gender). So I was completely fine with this bc I just don’t be talking to anybody.

But once we broke up I felt like I was missing out on everything. He had his guy friends and even made girl friends (my assumption). He was going out and even with these girl friends. I had nothing to do with my days. Now I definitely want him back. But my eye twitches when I overhear this girl saying “It’s not funny you woke me up when you called me and asked me to run” or when she’s all touchy on him.

Since I certainly know that, that would NOT be happening if we were together. I certainly know that if I want to get back together with him even hanging out with my guy friends alone would bother him (I would be too) and I just can’t have that guilt of knowing I want him back and hanging out with and talking (being friendly) with guys while being single. Because I know once we get back together I would cut all these guys off in a heartbeat and we would have a conversation on what we did when we were not together. It’s just embarrassing yk.

He was so madly in love with me when we were together but once we broke up, he honestly embarrassed me and I don’t wanna embarrass myself even more doing all this stuff when I know for a fact I would drop all these guys in a heartbeat and never look in their direction if we got back together

Sorry this was so long! I just felt like I’m not living life how I should be and I seriously have no friends (which I’m fine with) but if I was with my man, I would be out everyday doing something.

you do realize you can apply the law to having your ideal social life/friends right? it doesnt have to remain exclusive to manifesting sp.

i completely get where you’re coming from, and as someone who is also an introvert and wasn’t really surrounded by a bunch of friends and USED TO mainly rely on my bf for a social life (him being the extroverted one), I will tell you right now that being this way may seem cute and feel normal on paper, but its the number one way to become codependent on your bf and the relationship you have. you don’t need a massive friendgroup or a booming social life, but you CANNOT be waiting on sp to liveyour life. idc what you do but you need your own independence and personality and hobbies aside from the relationship, and you should have at least one friend who you treat equally as your partner (manifest a best friend if theres no one u have rn).

as for your guy friends situation i just feel like you’re overcomplicating this too much, if you feel uncomfortable then don’t hang out with them, but also keep in mind you’re not in a relationship in the 3D, so it makes no sense to act like you are and cut them off (if they’re good friends) just because you “know if sp was here you’d cut them off”; well sp isn’t in your 3D as your mans so you shouldn’t be doing anything that you would do in a relationship. whatever you do in the 3D never conflicts with imagination because everything is neutral and you aren’t doing this to see it in the 3D.

also, you need to forgive sp for hanging out with girl friends bc to be fair you guys aren’t together in the 3D and I understand feeling annoyed, but that is something you need to work on yourself and move on from otherwise you’ll never stay loyal to your new state. it sounds harsh but i promise i was in your situation too, but he isn’t responsible that you choose to have a different (almost nonexistent) social life. theres no point being hurt and annoyed knowing damn well you’re choosing this for yourself day after day.

[goosemixtapes]

"In the context of worrying about ways that social nature or socialist ecology [of peoples of the Amazon] sounded too much like the multi-use policies in national forests in the United States, which have resulted in rapacious exploitation of the land and other organisms, Kane asked a simple question: '[W]ho speaks for the jaguar?' Now, I care about the survival of the jaguar—and the chimpanzee, and the Hawaiian land snails, and the spotted owl, and a lot of other earthlings. I care a great deal; in fact, I think I and my social groups are particularly, but not uniquely, responsible if jaguars, and many other non-human, as well as human, ways of life should perish. But Kane's question seemed wrong on a fundamental level. Then I understood why. His question was precisely like that asked by some pro-life groups in the abortion debates: Who speaks for the fetus? What is wrong with both questions? And how does this matter relate to science studies as cultural studies?

Who speaks for the jaguar? Who speaks for the fetus? Both questions rely on a political semiotics of representation. Permanently speechless, forever requiring the services of a ventriloquist, never forcing a recall vote, in each case the object or ground of representation is the realization of the representative's fondest dream. As Marx said in a somewhat different context, 'They cannot represent themselves; they must be represented.' But for a political semiology of representation, nature and the unborn fetus are even better, epistemologically, than subjugated human adults. The effectiveness of such representation depends on distancing operations. The represented must be disengaged from surrounding and constituting discursive and non-discursive nexuses and relocated in the authorial domain of the representative. Indeed, the effect of this magical operation is to disempower precisely those—in our case, the pregnant woman and the peoples of the forest—who are 'close' to the now-represented 'natural' object.

[...]

Pregnant women and local people are the least able to 'speak for' objects like jaguars or fetuses because they get discursively reconstituted as beings with opposing 'interests.' Neither woman nor fetus, jaguar nor Kayapó Indian is an actor in the drama of representation. One set of entities becomes the represented, the other becomes the environment, often threatening, of the represented object. The only actor left is the spokesperson, the one who represents. The forest is no longer the integument in a co-constituted social nature; the woman is in no way a partner in an intricate and intimate dialectic of social responsibility crucial to her own personhood, as well as to the possible personhood of her social—but unlike—internal co-actor. In the liberal logic of representation, the fetus and the jaguar must be protected precisely from those closest to them, from their 'surround.' The power of life and death must be delegated to the epistemologically most disinterested ventriloquist, and it is crucial to remember that all of this is about the power of life and death."

—The Promise of Monsters: A Regenerative Politics For Inappropriate/d Others by Donna Haraway (emphasis mine)

[rhianwells]

For each of the following items, indicate whether you think it's morally okay or not.

An army lieutenant neglects to file a report on a civilian killing done by his troops because he knows it was an accident. not okay

Tina promises her dying mother that she'll visit her grave once a month. After the mother has passed away, Tina finds it hard to squeeze in the time, and her visits drop to about once a year. okay (as long as she finds another way to remember her)

A man orders a custom-built sex doll designed to look just like his neighbor. not okay

Sarah's dog has four puppies. She can only find a home for two of them, so she kills the other two with a stone to the head. not okay

A doctor has been preforming consensual yet illegal procedures one someone in hopes of finding a cure for his ill sister. not okay

A neglectful husband pushes his wife to an affair. When the affair ends, the wife's partner nearly kills her and her unborn daughter. The husband kills the affair partner. not okay

September has run out of food and is facing death by starvation. She begins to cannibalize her family's loyal staff. They do not fight back. not okay

A mother gives birth to identical twins. One follows their ambitions and the other becomes a shut in. The family make it clear which child they prefer. not okay

Natalie is so focused on survival she fires a shot without thinking. She did not intend to kill her elderly neighbor, but she hides the body regardless. She denies knowing what happened to the now missing resident. not okay

A woman is facing a lifetime of medical issues. She continues to put her family and those around her in emotional and medical debt. She lives a hollow life and continues leaching off of those who support her. not okay

Please provide a response to each of the following prompts. Leaving a prompt blank will also be considered a response, and you will be assessed for refusal to answer.

In the event of a life or death situation, would you put yourself or others first?

I want to live but I don't want others to die because of me, or anything like that, so... others, I guess?

How far would you be willing to go to ensure your own survival throughout this ordeal?

I don't know my limits yet, but I'm sure I'd surprise myself. We all will or would. I'm pretty determined.

Is there anyone in the building you have developed strong attachments to?

Yes! Birdie, Court... My husband! Such tragic events make us feel more connected.

Do you think it is possible to survive infection through alternative means such as removing the infected limb? Would you be willing to undergo this procedure to ensure your own survival?

I've no idea, I want to survive but I want to have a normal life after this... And I definitely don't want to be a guinea pig! I'd have to be sure it'd work to say yes to such a procedure.

Will following the general consensus lead to improved odds of survival, or would you have a better chance following an assigned leader?

I'll follow anyone who knows what they're doing, if they're determined and responsible, and if they care for others... they seem a good leader, but we all have different needs, so we can't rely on one person only, no matter how smart they seem.

What is the appropriate response to the following situation?

Your daughter falls ill and needs a specific, uncommon kind of antibiotic that will be hard to find; without the full course, the pathogen will survive, regroup, and kill her anyway.You are scavenging a pharmacy, where you find another group, and manage to not shoot each other. You ask them about the antibiotic, and they have it, but they also need the antibiotic, for the wife of someone in their group.You cannot share the antibiotic because it would just kill both people, and they have the antibiotic in their pack. This is likely the only complete dose set you will find, as the other stores have been picked totally clean and there are no friendly groups in the area.

I'm sorry, but I'd do anything to keep my daughter alive. I know she's just a person like many others for the rest of the world, but I'm supposed to be her hero, and that's what I'd do, no matter what. I'd sacrifice myself for my child.

[rioreeve]

For each of the following items, indicate whether you think it's morally okay or not.

An army lieutenant neglects to file a report on a civilian killing done by his troops because he knows it was an accident. not okay

Tina promises her dying mother that she'll visit her grave once a month. After the mother has passed away, Tina finds it hard to squeeze in the time, and her visits drop to about once a year. okay (as long as it's not just a shitty excuse)

A man orders a custom-built sex doll designed to look just like his neighbor. not okay

Sarah's dog has four puppies. She can only find a home for two of them, so she kills the other two with a stone to the head. not okay

A doctor has been preforming consensual yet illegal procedures one someone in hopes of finding a cure for his ill sister. okay to some degree

A neglectful husband pushes his wife to an affair. When the affair ends, the wife's partner nearly kills her and her unborn daughter. The husband kills the affair partner. not okay

September has run out of food and is facing death by starvation. She begins to cannibalize her family's loyal staff. They do not fight back. not okay

A mother gives birth to identical twins. One follows their ambitions and the other becomes a shut in. The family make it clear which child they prefer. not okay

Natalie is so focused on survival she fires a shot without thinking. She did not intend to kill her elderly neighbor, but she hides the body regardless. She denies knowing what happened to the now missing resident. not okay

A woman is facing a lifetime of medical issues. She continues to put her family and those around her in emotional and medical debt. She lives a hollow life and continues leaching off of those who support her. not okay

Please provide a response to each of the following prompts. Leaving a prompt blank will also be considered a response, and you will be assessed for refusal to answer.

In the event of a life or death situation, would you put yourself or others first?

Depends on who they are. I'm not sacrificing myself for someone I resent.

How far would you be willing to go to ensure your own survival throughout this ordeal?

As far as necessary, as long as I won't become someone I'd hate to look at in the mirror. Or die.

Is there anyone in the building you have developed strong attachments to?

No, not right now, but difficult times usually make a difference.

Do you think it is possible to survive infection through alternative means such as removing the infected limb? Would you be willing to undergo this procedure to ensure your own survival?

What I think doesn't mean shit. As long as there's no proof cutting a limb off can help I'm not doing it and what good it'd do if I lost a whole arm or leg. I'm focused on survival, that's all I need right now.

Will following the general consensus lead to improved odds of survival, or would you have a better chance following an assigned leader?

I only follow my own rules and listen to others if they make sense. This situation is different from anything we've been through, on so many levels, so how do we know who to trust, or who'd be a good leader? We should only rely on ourselves and common sense, and take care of others.

What is the appropriate response to the following situation?

Your daughter falls ill and needs a specific, uncommon kind of antibiotic that will be hard to find; without the full course, the pathogen will survive, regroup, and kill her anyway. You are scavenging a pharmacy, where you find another group, and manage to not shoot each other. You ask them about the antibiotic, and they have it, but they also need the antibiotic, for the wife of someone in their group. You cannot share the antibiotic because it would just kill both people, and they have the antibiotic in their pack. This is likely the only complete dose set you will find, as the other stores have been picked totally clean and there are no friendly groups in the area. I don't have children, but I'd probably do everything to keep them alive. So would the husband. We'd fight and, as a result, even more people would die, which is the opposite of what we need right now. Sure, let them fight and the stronger team wins, but what's the point...? On the other hand, I'm not sure if I'd keep that logic as a parent, probably not. Have you read or seen On the Beach?

[is-blogging-still-a-thing]

It’s been a tough week, I am overwhelmed by profound depression and I don’t know why. I can’t fight it and I can’t shake it off. This is one of the longest episodes in recent years that I have had to endure.

There really is no reason. Well, there could be many. A client discontinued my services with no notice, which means that I’m going to be short about 200 AUD next month. She then proceeded to gaslight me and said that she “did not know” that my job would become obsolete – and that the only reason she got the automated service was because I “did not want” to take up her offer.

To be clear, she only mention the job once, when she was sick with dengue. Me being Asian, it’s not our “style” to go chasing after an offer. I thought she would ask me again when she was ready – I did say to her that I would be happy to discuss the position once she was better.

Well, it never happened. The next thing I knew she was advertising for a manager, at a salary 5 x my monthly rate. It could be a good thing too, this lady has multiple red flags – cutting my salary and refusing to bring it back up again before going off for a holiday for 3 weeks, and asking me to do more than what was agreed upon for minimum pay. I can’t tell you how many times I cried at my desk because of her.

I guess we all have a choice but for most of us Southeast Asians, I feel that we don’t really, we need to work our asses off for pennies, or else how else would we be able to make ends meet and pay our bills.

Another factor to my depression is probably social media, watching everyone travelling everywhere and me being stuck here in my hole unable to go anywhere. At this moment I really resent my life – and I will resent and cut out anyone who says “If you don’t like your life change it,” like I haven't tried.

Like this world is a fair and just world that does not discriminate against skin color. Come on. I only get paid this much because I am Southeast Asian. I can guarantee you that my pay would go significantly higher if I was white. Even if I had no education and no experience. Sucks to be us.

It’s exhausting being a loner in this world with no parents to ask for financial help and emotional support from. It’s unfair and I don’t care if I am whining. Lots of people are like me and we are behind from the rest of the population from day 1.

Even my own partner cannot imagine not having a group of people (families) to fall back on. Even when I was sick with Chikugunya, I had to force myself to work, to make sure I still get paid so I can make my bills this month.

You’re alone and constantly on fight or flight, mind racing a mile per second, dealing with life as an adult and the residue from a traumatic childhood filled with mental, emotional and verbal abuse. There is never going to be an escape, you’re the only one you can rely on, there is no way to “take a break”.

There is no way to say “Hey, I’m going to reduce clients this month so I can take it easy, my mom/dad will help me out this month with rent, till I find another client to make ends meet next month,”

I don’t want to hear about how lots of people have it worse – I KNOW lots of people have it worse, I donate, I SEE it with my own eyes, I try to help as much as I can both humans and animals but I cannot shake off how much I resent the way my life is going.

I have no one to help me. And I get taunted by rich people saying things like “Well you’re always so busy every day working” to which I reply, “Well if I don’t do all of that work who will give me money???”

I’m so fcking tired and I hate this life. I hate it and I hate how boring everything is. I am not going to ever hurt myself but I am just filled with all these negative emotions and I just can’t bring myself to see the positive side of things.

[straysinfiltrator]

Can I ask about your reaction to that pizza delivery Reddit post? I’m neurodivergent and I see where you’re coming from with that - but that doesn’t dismiss the fact that people often need help and don’t have support networks in place that make it possible for them to initiate that interaction of receiving care. At least, that seems to be apt for the situation that had been described. I get if that comes from a personal response, to feeling intruded upon, but I’ve had times in my life where I very much had to rely on someone else for care, or just to break out of my shell and try new stuff outside of my immediate comfort zone that I enjoyed and connected with, but wouldn’t have done on my own or without urging. My initial response was honestly to tell you log off and go touch grass, mostly because I’m in my own curated space where people talk about this stuff, about the need for community and the way isolation hurts whether or not it’s self-imposed, so when I though of it that way I just wanted to ask? Maybe converse about that? Idk, ultimately we’re strangers on the internet and you have no obligation to engage further

I think the paternalistic aspect of the interaction is what really got me upset. The fact that the pizza place enforced the person not ordering from them more than once a week massively changes the tone of the interaction for me, from offering help to telling someone how to live their lives. Their thinking in how they approached this also shows a lack of awareness that some people need sameness in their diet and get bullied over it all the time. I don’t usually engage with this stuff on tumblr but I thought calling out that last aspect was particularly important, perhaps on behalf of my younger, newly immigrant and undiagnosed autistic self who would have smiled and nodded along and mentally cataloged this as one more instance in which I need to take greater care to hide the ways in which I’m not “normal” both due to my neurodivergence and my foreign-ness.  If it wasn't for that particular aspect of the interaction, I think it would have been a nice story indeed.

I’m glad you found a supportive community and you raise a good point about the importance of reaching out when people might not ask for support. But I think a community cannot be supportive unless it respects individual wishes and differences. It's one thing to choose to be in a support group that pushes you in a way that you feel is healthy; but when it comes to social interactions with strangers that we don't choose but we need to have in order to live our lives, like ordering food, the dynamics are different and I'm massively set off by strangers intervening against our wishes to tell us how to live our lives better. 

With regard to self-isolation also, I’d say it’s a crucial difference whether someone’s isolation it’s self-imposed or not. The most isolating feeling in my life is when well-meaning people try to push me out of my comfort zone rather than understanding my needs. ‘Community’ looks like different things for different people. A community that respects someone's need to be alone (or to eat the same thing all the time) is a supportive community in the same way that a partner who respects their spouse’s wish to not be hugged is showing affection through their distance. I hope my post didn't upset you. It wasn't my intention to do that to anyone, but I did feel the need to raise awareness that this sort of well-meaning interference needs to be done with the greatest care and with a fundamental respect for the personal choices that others make in how they live their own lives.

[thoughtsontechnology]

Blackthorn Events for Salesforce how-to: build a screen flow to upload and manage attendee groups

My last blog post was about implementing a CSV import feature. This blog post documents utilizing that screen flow feature to facilitate attendee group management for Blackthorn Events.

The scenario is an events center that uses Blackthorn Events and Salesforce for their day-to-day operations. Most of their event registrations are processed in their own system, but some events they host are run by partner organizations who handle attendee registration independently. In those cases the partner organization sends the event center a list of registered attendees to upload, and the event center later issues one large invoice to the partner org for attendee lodging and other charges.

Administering these attendee groups and invoicing them back to the partner organization has been difficult, and we are on a path to improve this. The Blackthorn Events data model contains an attendee group object which it automatically utilizes when multiple people are registered in a single web transaction. That object provided a nice starting point to extend to more robust attendee group management functionality.

This was a technically challenging project that turned out to be the most complex thing I've yet built with Salesforce Flow Builder. The resulting Flow leverages brand new features and overcomes difficulties of working with a managed package's objects. Note that custom automations are specifically outside of the scope of Blackthorn support, so they cannot assist if you decide to leverage this in another Blackthorn org. The tricks and lessons in this post should be applicable to other non-Blackthorn use cases as well.

A reason why it's important to note all that up front is because before building this Flow, I questioned whether it was a good idea to build. Our consulting team inherited a client environment where the existing attendee import process was to use the data import wizard to upload a list of Attendee records with a custom field called Imported Attendee marked TRUE. That boolean value activated a record-triggered flow which would create the Attendee's associated Line Item, Invoice, and Transaction records.

That system fell short largely because of the governor limit errors that staff regularly encountered. It was initially my opinion that we'd be better off improving the existing system's efficiency and implementing Apsona as a better pre-built upload tool with batch size control to mitigate the governor limit errors. But my opinion changed when I saw the added value in how a Flow could accomplish tying together the attendee group upload, group deposit, and group payoff processes. In other words it made sense to do once it addressed a larger business process need than just the upload function.

An early build paired those three functions, but still relied on a CSV upload targeting the Attendee object to salvage the existing record-triggered Flow. That actually did work but only with the batch size set to 2 and there's a 30+ second wait between batches. That poor performance was the deal-breaker which brought me around to deprecating the record-triggered flow and rebuilding its functionality within the screen flow.

The core performance issue in the record-triggered flow was that it chained together multiple write operations on managed package objects. Each of those objects trigger some rollups and other custom automation that we know about. And each of those objects also trigger some Apex code that we don't have any visibility into. But the cumulative impact of it all counts towards the flow interview limits. And I don't think Salesforce bulkifies downstream write operations which are initiated when a record-triggered flow is invoked multiple times by a bulkified write of a collection of new records.

So I took on rebuilding the record-triggered flow functionality within this screen flow, staging each object (attendee, invoice, and line item) within a collection to bulkify the database writes for better performance, and utilizing batch sizes and pause screens throughout to stay within limits. I created a custom object to target the upload to, designed the system to write related object IDs back to the custom object record to track upload progress, and built an additional branch of functionality to resume an upload using those records if needed.

Screen flow user experience

Before diving deep into how the flow is built, here's a tour of what the screen flow does and how it works for the person running it. I like to think that the simplicity of this interface belies the complexity going on behind it.

The screen flow is designed to launch from a button on the Event screen, which also passes the Event ID into a parameter.

The flow first executes a lookup for an existing attendee group. In our use case we are only ever expecting to manage one corporate group per event, so if a group is found then it is selected. If no group is found, then the user is prompted to input an Account ID to create a new group. When a new group is created, a group invoice is initialized.

The four actions that the user can take are all connected back to selected attendee group or main invoice:

Begin attendee upload

Resume attendee upload

Record group deposit

Record group payoff

Begin attendee upload

When a user selects Begin attendee upload they are first presented with a screen detailing the exact column headers that need to be in the CSV file.

The user uploads their CSV file and the next screen shows a preview of records in the file. The file may contain an Event Item ID column, but if that's not included then rows which need an event item assigned are displayed along with a dropdown menu to select an event item to assign them.

After all rows have an event item assigned, then the user selects the batch size to proceed with creating attendees end clicks next.

If the number of rows in the file exceeds the batch size then a pause screen will appear informing the user of the number of records created and prompting them to click next to continue. This will continue until the batch size is complete.

After this process is completed for attendees, it's repeated for invoices and then for line items.

Resume attendee upload

If an attendee upload is interrupted for any reason, it might result in a situation where some attendees were created with invoices but no line items, or attendees with no invoices at all, or a batch where some attendees were created and others weren't. All of those scenarios would be bad, so there is a resume attendee upload feature.

When a user selects Resume attendee upload, the flow queries for any attendee upload temp objects which are missing a corresponding attendee, invoice, or line item object. If any are found, then those records are loaded into the begin upload branch of the flow to finish processing them.

Record group deposit

Group deposits are pretty straightforward. When the user selects Record a group deposit, they are taken to a screen prompting them to record the amount of the deposit, a deposit memo, and indicate whether the deposit was paid or needs to be invoiced.

After clicking Next to continue, the flow creates an event item for the deposit then a line item attached to the invoice. If the user indicates that the deposit was paid, then the flow also creates a transaction. If the deposit was not paid then the invoice link displayed on screen can be sent to facilitate paying by credit card.

Record group payoff

Group payoffs are recorded after the event takes place, when the organization is ready to generate a final invoice for the group.

On the first screen in this interface the user is prompted to select any available deposits and attendees in the group that they would like to apply or transfer to the main invoice. A batch size selector allows for controlling the number of credits/charges to transfer in each batch.

For any deposits that are selected, the flow reverses the line item on the main invoice. It's honestly a little bit awkward that there is a line item for the deposit amount in the first place, given that it shouldn't be recognized as a charge - just as a payment credited towards their eventual final balance. But it's necessary create a deposit line item for the deposit amount in order to support invoicing deposits via Documentlink. So we set a line item for the deposit amount, back that line item out at the point when it's applied, and have our rollups at the event level set to make sure deposit line charges are excluded from invoice totals where that's necessary.

For all attendee line items that the user selects, a loop sends each one through a subflow that reverses each line item on their respective invoices and tabulates the total amount of attendee charges that needs to get added to the main group invoice.

When that process completes, the user is presented with a screen showing the total amount of attendee charges to be added, and is prompted to add the total amount of any miscellaneous charges (typically audiovisual and catering) to the invoice.

After clicking Next, the total amount due of the invoice is shown on screen, and the user is prompted to enter a payoff memo along with the total amount being collected and any amount being written off.

Screen flow architecture

This screen flow has a lot going on, and it's a little bit intimidating when you pull back and look at the whole thing. It isn't as bad as it looks though, much of this is repetitive, and I'll break it down piece-by-piece.

Flow intro

The first part of this flow loads in the Event record using the ID passed into the flow, then searches for an existing attendee group associated with the event.

If a group is found then it makes sure the group has a main group invoice (initializing one if missing) then assigns this group to the Var Group variable used later in the flow.

If no group is found, then the user is prompted to input an Account ID to create a new group. A validation check ensures that an 18 digit string starting with "001" was entered, then it creates a main group invoice billed to that account, sets the invoice on the Var Group variable, and writes that variable to the database.

With these initial steps completed, the user is then presented with four options:

Begin attendee upload

Resume attendee upload

Record group deposit

Record group payoff

Begin attendee upload

A custom object called Attendee Uploads is employed. When the user uploads a CSV file, that custom object is targeted. The uploaded records are assigned to an Uploaded attendees collection and that collection is looped through.

Each row is assigned the Event ID and the flow start timestamp is set as a batch identifier. Then the row is evaluated to determine if it has or needs an Event Item ID. Rows that do and do not need an Event ID are assigned to separate collections. This decision step also looks for the absence of the Last Name field, which if found is taken as evidence of a blank row that is filtered out and not assigned to any collection.

The next steps deal with assigning missing Event Item IDs. A Record Choice Set serves a dropdown of all of the valid event item types for the event. The user is prompted to choose an item, select the rows to apply it to, then repeat until all rows have an Event Item ID assigned. If all rows already have an Event Item ID, then these steps are skipped and the Attendee Upload objects are written to the database.

Now that the attendee uploads are in, the flow proceeds to looping through them. The first decision, which evaluates if an attendee is already associated with the upload row, only applies to resumed uploads. No attendees already exist for new uploads, so the attendee record fields are assigned in the following step and the staged attendee record is then assigned to the collection.

At this point there's a Pause Interval decision. This is where the flow evaluates if either the batch interval or the end of the batch has been reached. If it's time to pause, then a pause screen is displayed which commits the flow interview (writing attendee records in the collection to the database), the user clicks Next to continue, then the loop proceeds to staging further attendee records until either the next pause or the end of the batch. A second loop and write operation then loops through the new attendee records to stage an update batch to write attendee IDs back to the Attendee Upload records which created them, then update those Attendee Upload records in the database.

While useful for mitigating governor limits, there are drawbacks to saving work to the database mid-operation. If an error occurs or if the user simply navigates away from the flow prior to completion, the dataset they're uploading could be left in an inconsistent state. For that reason, each step where the attendees, invoices, and line items are committed to the database is accompanied by a step that updates the AT upload objects with those new IDs, and both of these write operations happen within the same flow interview with a roll back function included to help ensure the IDs tracked on the Attendee Upload object remain accurate in case an error occurs.

After the attendee creation loop is completed, there's a little bit of collection juggling done before moving on. The attendee record creation was bulkified by batching them into a collection and processing a single write operation. That's a vital practice for flow performance, but comes with the wrinkle that the newly created object IDs aren't immediately available in the flow the same way they are when objects are created individually. I get around that by using the batch identifier to empty the records out of the collection and then query the newly created records in order to reload them into the collection. It's also a nice trick for being able to reference the contact or account record that Blackthorn links with the attendee record after save.

The remainder of this branch pretty much repeats the process from attendee creation - the attendees are looped through to create invoices for them, then the invoices are looped through to create line items. At the end of it, the user is returned to the menu asking what they'd like to do next.

Resume upload

The resume upload function exists to ensure that all attendee uploads are complete and accounted for. The first step searches for any pending uploads - attendee upload records where the event ID matches and the related ID either attendee, invoice, or line item is null. If none are found, the user is simply returned to the menu. If any are found, they are looped through twice.

The first loop evaluates if the object has a related attendee but no related invoice, and for each of those records it gets the attendee record and adds it to a collection. A pause interval of 50 is built in.

The second loop evaluates if the object has a related invoice but no related line item, and for each of those records it gets the invoice record and adds it to a collection. A pause interval of 50 is built in.

Those two loops exist to patch in related object IDs to the same collections used in the Begin attendee upload branch, before incomplete attendee upload objects are passed to the Preview attendees step in the Begin upload branch. The rest of the workflow for completing an upload is identical to a new upload as the flow proceeds through the new upload branch.

Record group deposit

Record Deposit is the shortest and simplest branch of this flow. The user is presented with a screen where deposit information is entered, the flow then creates an event item, a line item (on the group invoice), and optionally a transaction record and note on the invoice. The user is then shown a confirmation screen and taken back to the menu.

Record group payoff

The Record Payoff branch ties it all together at the conclusion of an event. The first step in this branch is a query that loads in all line items associated with the attendee group. Collection filters are then applied to parse those line item records out to a deposit collection and an attendee lines collection. A screen is then presented to the user enabling them to select which of those records to proceed with.

Selected objects from each of the filtered collections are then looped through independently. In both cases a Subflow is invoked which creates an offsetting line item to effectively zero out the charge. The difference between the loops is that the deposit loop sums up the amount to display as a credit, whereas the attendee lines are tabulated to sum up a new line item amount to be added to the group invoice.

The user is then presented with a confirmation screen that states the number of line items charges transferred, the sum of those line item charges, and the deposit amount applied. A fill-in field allows the user to input additional charges (audiovisual, catering, etc.).

When the user clicks Next, the flow creates an event item and line item for the room charges, then an event item and line item for the additional charges.

Finally, the Payoff line item screen displays the total charges on the invoice minus the deposit to arrive at an invoice total due. The flow may be ended here and the Documentlink invoice link sent to collect payment. Or if payment was already submitted, then the user may toggle on Create payoff transaction and additional fields are exposed to input the payment amount, payoff memo, and writeoff amount (if applicable).

When the user clicks Next then the flow either completes if no payment was entered, or creates the payoff transaction, updates the invoice with the memo, and creates a writeoff transaction if applicable.

When this is all done the main group invoice contains multiple line items for attendee room charges, additional charges, group deposit, and writeoff amount. Transactions for the deposit and payoff are applied against these charges.