#are my group partners on which I cannot rely

[nazumichi]

I’m like if sisyphus was me and that rock was my chemistry group project. I’m like if prometheus was me and those eagles were my group project partners. I’m like

[rainbowpunki]

👋 hello! This is my new account, I'm Freddy, AKA tontoemojis / animatronicthing / animatronicfreak on Discord. I just wanted to address all that has happened in the past month! Apologies if my english isn't good or my explanations aren't the best, I just wanted to share my thoughts & my side of the story now that I am in a better place to talk. First of all, I assume my private DMs have already been leaked, so I will leak some from my side too! Just to include proof, of course. Second, this will be a long long long post, careful!

I will go through all the points of the list of "things Freddy has done".

First point. If we remember, I am schizophrenic, this can lead into me having big delusions such as me believing I am a god, god of my own world. Now, I never forced anyone into treating me like a god / referring to me as a god! I believed Iggy & me had a dynamic of god / servant, but I never truly believed he was my literal servant, just a dynamic. & !!! my poor poor victim was calling me a god every time he could, drawing me as the god of the sun & practically worshiping me, as he said various times. I never forced this onto Iggy nor did I ever get upset if he didn't "worship" me because I didn't need anyone to worship me, as I had said before, "I was not the type of god that would like people worshiping me".

Second point. For this I have to remark that we are both 16yo teenagers, I would get it if I was like 5 years older than him, then the whole thing would be different, but we are less than 20 days apart. I can see how the dynamic of deity & worshiper can be unhealthy if handled wrong, or done by mentally ill minors (like us). I understand the mistake here & I am sorry for that.

Iggy seemed to really like our dynamic from what he told me almost every week though, so I thought I had green light to keep our dynamic goint.

Third point. Not true! We were in an old server called Bangerville that has now since been deleted, so I don't have any solid proof to this other than my words. I do have proof of our old conversation with Iggy's old account though. CW for sexual stuff ⬇. In this server, Iggy was showing off his new OC named Julius & I really liked him, I drew him & from what I remember; Iggy told the people to DM him if they wanted to know more facts about him, & I DMed him, & Iggy started with the NSFW, not me!

Partially not true. I did draw porn of Iggy & me, yes, but it was all with consent, while that doesn't make it less weird in your eyes, it was with consent. + Iggy really liked it from what he constantly told me everytime I drew him, with & without sexual intent.

Fifth. I couldn't find any proof that I ever said "I will hurt myself if you are not with me / leave me" in our DMs, so I will guess this is also false. I probably did imply in some of our conversations that I relied on Iggy for emotional support (because that is what partners do???? Help each other out & be there for emotional support?????), but not completely.

Sixth, while in the list it says "detailed bulge" K9 accused me of drawing my brother's Roblox avatar with an erection, an erection. The drawing & the references are here:

if you tell me THAT is an erection then you haven't seen a man in underwear or a bodybuilder in your life. Because that is not a fucking erection & y'all are acting crazy! It could be seen as a detailed bulge, yes, but I have said before to K9, I just copied the image. You guys are overreacting & acting as if I drew porn of my literal brother.

In the group chat K9 & the others made with me, they just told me how it seemed I was fetishizing fat people by drawing my fat OC in just sexual light (which is simply not true). They didn't tell me how they really felt about my OC.

This is the character we are talking about. His name is Bonnie & I've had him since 6th grade. He is a monster that uses his human appearance to lure men & then eat them alive. His nature is being an asshole, basically.

A) I genuinely cannot see how he is a "black caricature", I would like to hear how he is stereotypical / a caricature, because I simply cannot see it. B) Why can't my fat character be sexualized? Are fat people not allowed to be sexual just as much as skinny people? is it because I'm bodily skinny? & if that is the case, why can't skinny people have fat sexualized OCs? I don't get it. Also, the sexualization in question was me drawing Bonnie topless (apparently big tits are sexual now!) & that last drawing of him mentioning a vibrator, that was all the "sexualization" they are talking about.

again, the sexualized pieces were Bonnie topless & the drawing of him mentioning a vibrator. Yes, I should have put a higher age limit to my server due to various reasons other than these, that is very true & I appreciated that K9 & the others brought it up to me. I didn't appreciate that they raided my whole server while I was asleep, though.

While I apologized for this already, it got included in the list & I don't know why. But again, I apologize for it once more, I spoke over minorities & I understand my mistake.

ouch! I mean... I have narcissistic traits, which means I have a harder time taking criticism, I often think people are attacking me whenever they criticize me, & that's on me & me only, they are right. I will be better next time.

This is just false, like, blatantly false. I couldn't find a single message of me defending proshippers to Iggy in our DMs, nor do I remember ever doing that. This actually surprised me because when a proshipper joined my server I was the 1st one to go running to Iggy's DMs screaming "THEY'RE A PROSHIPPER!!!".

when all of this went down, I was in a bad mental state & Iggy knew this. When I get overwhelmed (& I did get overwhelmed in the situation) it is hard for me to understand some things. I don't see how having somebody else to explain the situation to me in a more simple way is bad. I felt attacked, true. & if you count saying "I love you" to someone as praising them, then yeah, I was constantly being "praised" by Iggy while this situation went down, but I promise you I would've lived without all of those "I love you"s.

Begging? begging. Also the people were asking for an Iggy appreciation channel, not a channel just for Iggy. Also also I would love to hear which other horrible behaviors I had because of my NPD!

I don't know if Iggy liked those jokes genuinely, or if when he said stuff like "LIKE DUDE WHEN YOU WERE CALLING ME A LAZY ASS I WAS LITERALLY LIKE (emoji of yellow guy in a puddle)" he was lying to me, but I guess he did lie. I would have never ever called him any of that if I knew he didn't like it, I went on with it because I thought he was genuinely comfortable with those jokes made about him because he told me that everytime I made a joke like that & thought he was mad at me, he was just "turned on" (his words, not mine).

I did ask him to be my "caregiver", yes, but in this situation I saw being a caregiver as being a normal partner; helping each other out when needed, understanding each other's needs & know how to fulfill them. I did tell Iggy whenever I felt bad & wanted to relapse, & I guess that's on me for thinking my partner could help me deal with hard thoughts I had regularly, because you know, partners are there to help each other out.

& what about you K9? do you not have a channel made just to shit talk the people in your server, where your staff has told repeatedly other people to "jump" or harm themselves? I've seen it, I've been staff in your server for a while, you know. That's all the list, sorry I couldn't add any more images; I reached the limit. They've also told the people how I "used Iggy sexually". Which just hurts me deep in my soul, because I loved him with my whole heart, & hearing how he tells everyone that I "used" him just shows me how he never really saw everything I did for him. I drew him almost everyday, I made him gifts, I helped him whenever he felt he was going to relapse, I gave him my money so he could pay his medicines, I WAS PLANNING TO GO TO SWEDEN JUST TO SEE HIM. It is true he sent me sexual content, but I sent him the same sexual content he sent me. I thought we were in an equal relationship, but I guess we weren't & he never told me anything he was thinking. I've done things wrong, yes, but I didn't deserve my private things to be thrown to the world like this. I don't hope bad things happen to neither Iggy or K9 & the server, I just hope the universe gives you what you deserve.

[beatingtheouijaboardallegations]

forever tired of our voices being turned into commodity.

forever tired of thorough medaocrity in the AAC business. how that is rewarded. How it fails us as users. how not robust and only robust by small small amount communication systems always chosen by speech therapists and funded by insurance.

forever tired of profit over people.

forever tired of how companies collect data on every word we’ve ever said and sell to people.

forever tired of paying to communicate. of how uninsured disabled people just don’t get a voice many of the time. or have to rely on how AAC is brought into classrooms — which usually is managed to do in every possible wrong way.

forever tired of the branding and rebranding of how we communicate. Of this being amazing revealation over and over that nonspeakers are “in there” and should be able to say things. of how every single time this revelation comes with pre condition of leaving the rest behind, who can’t spell or type their way out of the cage of ableist oppression. or are not given chance & resources to. Of the branding being seen as revolution so many times and of these companies & practitioners making money off this “revolution.” of immersion weeks and CRP trainings that are thousands of dollars and wildly overpriced letterboards, and of that one nightmare Facebook group g-d damm it. How this all is put in language of communication freedom. 26 letters is infinite possibilities they say - but only for the richest of families and disabled people. The rest of us will have to live with fewer possibilities.

forever tired of engineer dads of AAC users who think they can revolutionize whole field of AAC with new terrible designed apps that you can’t say anything with them. of minimally useful AI features that invade every AAC app to cash in on the new moment and not as tool that if used ethically could actually help us, but as way of fixing our grammar our language our cultural syntax we built up to sound “proper” to sound normal. for a machine, a large language model to model a small language for us, turn our inhuman voices human enough.

forever tired of how that brand and marketing is never for us, never for the people who actually use it to communicate. it is always for everyone around us, our parents and teachers paras and SLPs and BCBAs and practitioners and doctors and everyone except the person who ends up stuck stuck with a bad organized bad implemented bad taught profit motivated way to talk. of it being called behavior problems low ability incompetence noncompliance when we don’t use these systems.

you all need to do better. We need to democritize our communication, put it in our own hands. (My friend & communication partner who was in Occupy Wall Street suggested phrase “Occupy AAC” and think that is perfect.) And not talking about badly made non-robust open source apps either. Yes a robust system needs money and recources to make it well. One person or community alone cannot turn a robotic voice into a human one. But our human voice should not be in hands of companies at all.

(this is about the Tobii Dynavox subscription thing. But also exploitive and capitalism practices and just lazy practices in AAC world overall. Both in high tech “ mainstream “ AAC and methods that are like ones I use in sense that are both super stigmatized and also super branded and marketed, Like RPM and S2C and spellers method. )

[someoneshotacricketwitharocket]

BLeeM said another banger that perfectly articulated what I've been thinking for years in the last MisMag2 AP regarding fandom, (fan)fiction, and shipping culture.

Quote, analysis, and timestamp below the cut <3

Brennan: ... there's two things, which is that you want to celebrate romantic relationships, especially if those romantic relationships are representing underrepresented orientations or genders or anything like that, but there's a moment where also I'll sometimes see people read into things and they're like, "That's romantic!" And I'll be like, oh, if you saw me with any of my friends in real life.... But like the amount of physical interaction I have with my friends in my life is something that would be "read" into if it was a work of fiction.

Timestamp is 6:56-7:28 in Episode 11 of Misfits and Magic 2 Adventuring Party: The Casablanca of It All

TL;DR: The underrepresentation of romantic relationships involving minority identities needs to addressed, but at the same time non-romantic relationships deserve just as much care and attention. These ideas are often opposing, and both lead to and are the root of amatonormativity and individualism vs the community mindset.

That's Absolutely true, and as an aroacespec person that is something I struggle with both in my real world life and in fandom/shipping culture (albeit in different ways).

Like yes romantic relationships rock, especially for relationships that are in the minority - whether that be orientation, gender identity, relationship structure, etc. among others. On the flip side though, having strong platonic (and other non-romantic relationships like familial, sensual, queerplatonic, alterous, sexual, kinky, etc) can be just as valid and intricate and beautiful as romantic ones. Relationships of Any kind can be deep and intimate and wonderous, and there isn't some magical limit or cap put on how valid or acceptable or "good" a relationship is just because it isn't romantic.

And that kind of amatonormativity honestly can be really toxic for Everyone involved and I feel like it reflects the individualistic mindset found in society, especially Western society. Because the implications are that:

You need to find "The One" to be a complete person, as they will be your other half that will make you whole

This person will be a romantic (and probably sexual) partner whom you assumably will get married to and have kids with.

As soon as you establish that you have met "The One", it is fine or even expected to neglect your other relationships, as your needs are being met by this singular person.

These other relationships usually end up being friendships and non-romantic relationships as they are the ones that people "rely on" whilst not dating (I say in quotes because many people seem to use non-romantic relationships as a crutch or as something to tide them over until they are in a romantic relationship).

Instead of having your community and groups that fulfill different aspects of your needs and wants, these are all instead thrust upon a singular person, which can then lead to resentment and a feeling of neglect and failure when one person cannot keep up with the workload of multiple.

At the end of the day, amatonormativity pushes the individualistic "everyone-out-for-themselves" mindset, and works directly against the community mindset where it is okay to lean on people for different needs and be leaned upon when you are strong enough to support others.

It can be very upsetting when people, that you considered part of your community and close circles, suddenly leave or de-escalate the relationship for a romantic relationship. There's nothing inherently or morally bad about doing so (although it is often upsetting), but doing so without communicating that to the involved parties is what really gets me. Deciding to change the dynamics of a relationship - without even discussing it with the person/people involved - comes off as ignorant or careless. Maybe it is what is needed for the new relationship (especially new ones as they develop - although that does deserve some introspection into why if it becomes long-term)It can leave the other person feeling confused and conflicted, wondering if they were in the wrong somehow, or what they did to deserve the treatment they've been given.

And therein lies my confliction in fandom and shipping culture, because it feels like people can get into massive shipping wars even down to the type of relationship. And yes, there is homophobia in some of it (think: "Why can't two guys/girls be friends anymore? Everything just has to be gay now.") which absolutely needs to be addressed, but - ignoring the homophobia - there is a point in assuming that every close relationship has to be romantic. Yes, we need more representation of romantic pairings/relationships with minorities, but non-romantic versions have just as much potential.

TL;DR: The underrepresentation of romantic relationships involving minority identities needs to addressed, but at the same time non-romatnic relationships deserve just as much care and attention. These ideas are often opposing, and both lead to and are the root of why amatonormativity and individualism vs the community mindset.

[clownshifting]

About the Eros Vampyre.

(Revamped for visibility.)

An Eros vampyre refers to a being of any form that feeds upon intimate love or lust. Eros vampyre has also been used interchangeably with “Pranic/Tantric vampyre."

Eros, as a concept related but separate to the god of love and sex, represents one of the four Greek Loves. It is passionate and sensual love, oftentimes resulting from sensual desire or activity. Eros is known as a life force similar to blood or the psyche, eros itself is a physical emotion expressed through psychosomatic means. Eros may make you lovesick or experience a state of overwhelming joy for love. Eros is the desire for wholeness and to be completed by another equal amount of eros from a source, whether that is yourself or another being (similar to sang vampyres feeding upon themselves).

I am of the belief that instead of being interchangeable with eros, that these concepts exist underneath the term eros vampyre as ranges of intensity of said love, with tantric being more emotional and spiritual way of feeding.

Tantra is an ancient Buddhist and Hindu practice that relates to weaving and creating woven spirits with either your own healing or aligned with others. It teaches the importance of celebrating the body and heightening sexuality and intimacy. Tantra and its practices, whether that look like yoga or meditation, have the ultimate goal of “playing” with the physical body's prana and “shaping it”. Tantra and tantric experiences don't require intimacy, it simply explores sexuality.

I also see the terms incubus, succubus, siren, and satyr in relation with eros vampyrism. These terms can be used as titles or as specific groupings for how an erosiyan feeds.

Traits I am a firm believer that traits between vampyres differ, either by age or by congenital changes.

The basic things apply to the vocal majority of vampyres:

“Auras” or output of energy that is like tendrils, moving mist, darker colors.

An “enhanced point” in the body that is used for feeding or collection (whether that be fangs, magick, craft, etc.)

Sense of weak to strong withdrawal

Below average life force that may or may not be detrimental and needs to be replenished

When specific to erosiyans:

Auras tend to glow from the darkness in the eyes of potential donors, lovers, or partners. A sparkling aura in the eyes of a donor may not be sparkling in the eyes of someone else.

The enhanced point are the eyes instead of fangs, as erosiyans don't have prominent fangs for, which is common in stories of love.

Eyes are said to be windows to the soul as well as being able to elicit erotic desire. “Getting lost in one's eyes,” can be applied to erosiyans with black or very dark eyes that share resemble to outer space or a black hole.

Eros originates from the eyes, and they glow or radiate when feeding.

Feeding Since erosiyans rely on their eyes, eros vampyres have the ability to feed exclusively with their eyes and the emotion given by the eyes. This may lean more into pranic eros with the spirit weaving. Physical intimacy can still be a part of it but it always comes after being fed or feeding, and will use the energy gained from "the tease" in order to participate.

Personally, I have fed both ways and can fit in the middle of the spectrum. In my experience, I have fed easily by pranic eros and with my eyes only. I go into constant limerence when I get hungry, and cannot let it go until I fed. I know my body and have responded accordingly for some time now - not only have I learned from experimenting but I have understood further what I would wish to see from others.

Eros is a life force that is stored within sensual and intimate acts of love. Eros vampyres feed upon eros, so it would need to be from that kind of love.

This concept may be similar to mirous attraction.

..... https://www.vampirefragments.com/damien_articles_2016-04-06.php

https://www.vampirefragments.com/amador_articles_2016-04-15.php

https://erosvampire.blogspot.com/2012/11/introduction.html?m=1

https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/smokeandmirrors34981/the-eros-sexual-vampire-t2741-s10.html

https://thevampyrecoven.com/vampyrism-in-its-many-different-forms/

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros_(concept)

https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Mirous_Attraction

[jasper-unofficial]

i agree with what you said about riser but i do also wonder if part of it too is just a further extension of the whole “can’t be seen in something romantically involved with a guy who is not their partner” and than there’s something stopping them from using the partner in mvs and stuff but idk

oh yeah, the bl exclusivity thing definitely plays a part in it on a larger scale, but it is a pretty homophobic concept that panders to the wrong audience in the first place, so that's a bigger issue in and of itself.

the unwillingness to ever use their partner, though, is in part i'm sure because many (if not all) of the artists don't want to be strictly seen as a part of their cp in everything they do. which is why there is a level of keeping the gmmtv bl acting thing at an arm's length in their music careers. which is fair! but it still feels kind of like yeah, we do be gay in them series, but that's all to the left over there. and also, to be fair, not every riser artist who has had romance-centered music videos is or was at the time of recording in a cp. but far be it from me to suggest win or nanon dip their toes into being a little gay again. don't want to give anyone a heart attack.

that said, i don't think it's just that. for one, mlm content is still largely seen as only interesting to a limited, specific audience (plus potentially alienating to a significant group of people) so there is that moment of defaulting to the neutral, socially acceptable thing, which cannot in and of itself sabotage the popularity and success of the artist in any way, and that thing is - of course - heterosexuality. not to mention that, especially with the model riser follows, the good old "this is a factory of boys who girls can imagine dating" thing is definitely something they rely on big time.

as an extension of that last point, even when it comes to already existing fans from the gmmtv bl acting thing, with the people i insist the management still sees as the target audience of bls (and i do mean the management - not the directors, scriptwriters, and other creatives involved, to be absolutely clear), this fits perfectly into the dichotomy of my schrodinger's sexuality phenomenon: who better to project onto than a fairly personality-less, completely non-threatening girl in a three minute music video? exactly the kind of thing they'd want outside of their fetish content.

on the other hand, music videos, which involve the artist(s) in the actual scenario are this grey area to a lot of viewers, where they associate whatever is happening to the character the artist is playing more directly with the artist themself, much like people are generally inclined to believe that the lyrics of songs reflect the artist(s)' personal experiences. which is why it's like hey - we wouldn't want to imply anyone's gay here. just in case. and that's fair i suppose! i just love a little gay implication myself personally /lh

[boreal-wood]

Alright wise guy, what are your thoughts on the theme(s) of the first Mistborn book. This is literally an excuse for you to ramble about it, have fun.

VOID I LOVE YOU SM

So spoilers for Mistborn: The Final Empire! If you haven't read it, please beware because under the cut, Here There Be Spoilers (and also beware, Very Long post under the cut!)

The big running theme in The Final Empire is trust. Who can one really trust? Is it worth it to put your life in the hands of other people? What says they won't betray you as soon as it becomes favorable to do so?

Honestly this really is what Vin's character arc in the first book is about. At the beginning of the book, she's trapped in a low-level street gang where everyone is always out to get everyone else. Heck, the second time the audience ever sees her use her powers is when she is helping her boss betray a business partner.

Vin's brother has beaten into her the idea that she can trust nobody, not even him. Everyone is always out to hurt her or take advantage of her, and if she does not prove her immediate worth to her group, then at best she will be kicked out.

This, of course, is not helped by the fact that she is part of the literal slave class! Which is a whole nother essay tbh.

Then Kelsier takes her in and everything changes. There's a scene early on in the book, after vin formally joins the crew, where Kelsier and his men are all laughing and enjoying themselves while plotting their Big Plan™. And Vin, who does not trust any of them, is on the outside, quite literally. She's outside the room, watching them plan, wishing she could be included but not allowing herself to, because at this point in the book she still thinks they could betray her at any time.

I think now is a really good time to mention that being a Mistborn is built on secrecy and paranoia. Mistborn are literally the nobility's assassins. They hide their identities under hoods that blend into the mist so as not to be seen. So their powers cannot be used against them or their Noble Houses. In broad daylight they have to pretend to be normal people, or at best, regular Mistings. They can't trust anyone with the truth that they are Mistborn.

(Heck, even a quarter of their powerset- Copper and Bronze- create mistrust. With Bronze, after all, one can hear the allomantic pulses of burning another metal. Copper, on the other hand, blocks that; the use cases for these two metals lies in paranoia that someone else can use their Allomantic powers against you.)

Anyways! So we've explored some of the different aspects of mistrust in Mistborn, so what's the counterargument?

In a word: Kelsier.

Kelsier shakes up everything that Vin believes about how relationships work. He introduces his crew as something different- despite being a thieving crew, they operate under a principle of trust and camaraderie. "My crews rely on trust," Kelsier says at one point. In direct contrast to the dirty, paranoid crews Vin worked with before, Kelsier's crew is welcoming, understanding, and trusting of her.

But Kelsier's trust isn't just talk, either. When we learn that the crew believes Mare betrayed them in their last heist, Vin asks Kelsier how he could love Mare even though she betrayed him. Kelsier answers that given the choice between loving Mare and being betrayed or never knowing her, he would choose loving her. "I'd rather trust my men than worry about what will happen if they turn on me."

In the same passage as above, Kelsier poses a question to Vin: where has she been happier? with the old crews that we built on lies and suspicious, or with Kelsier's crew, who trusted each other and let their guards down? It's a rhetorical question, and the meaning is clear: Vin and Kelsier both are happier for risking themselves in order to be loved.

I don't think I've nearly done this topic justice. There are a million more points I could pull out and point to, but I want to end with my favorite quote from The Final Empire. It's from Vin, in Chapter 32. She says:

“Once I may have thought you a fool, but… well, that’s kind of what trust is, isn’t it? A willful self-delusion? You have to shut out that voice that whispers about betrayal, and just hope that your friends aren’t going to hurt you... Distrust is really the same thing, only on the other side. I can see how a person, given the choice of two assumptions, would choose to trust.”

[apotelesmaa]

I lovvvve thinking about dtk and black star like way past the manga (assuming black star is immortal here via him becoming a god out of sheer force of will) dealing with immortality and losing their friends it’s so fascinating to me (statements said by the truly deranged)…. Rotating it in my mind… Incomprehensible rambling under the read more

I think that like objectively kid would probably be the most prepared for it given he’s a literal death god but it would still be painful. He’s not really human but he had the very human experience of growing up with a tight group of friends and now has to deal with the very human emotion of grief and figure out how to navigate that. I feel like he would (shockingly) have a pretty healthy response after a few years of grieving because unlike with his dad he would actually get closure here. Idk if he would ever get another weapon partner again though like he would probably at least use whatever high ranking weapon at dwma was closest on the very rare chance he needed one but nobody could ever replace the thompsons. I feel like he would also just have little reminders of his friends everywhere just to keep them in his memory.

I see a lot of people saying he would withdraw completely and distance himself from humanity but like… I don’t think he would ever do that the thing about kid that really differentiated him from his dad was he was raised with humans and interacted with them frequently which fostered a connection that lord death didn’t really have. He in general has such a love for humanity and people I feel like he would be very involved at the dwma with the students and faculty. Lord death was kinda like… he Liked humans but he still viewed himself as something else first and foremost. Kicking the can of worms that was asura down the road for later never telling anyone anything because it’s a god problem not a problem for humans. He made zero effort to talk to the witches as well because he kinda just went “well they’re all evil and that’ll never change” & never confronted that belief. As opposed to dtk who went to the witches to help and put all his faith in his friends and relied on them heavily. He Likes People… He still would want to talk to the humans around him and help them. I cannot see him doing what his dad did and just locking himself in the death room forever and ever. Nothing will replace his friends but that doesn’t mean he can’t make new friends.

Black star however I think would handle it poorly for a long time I don’t think he knows what healthy coping mechanisms are. He’s very all or nothing. Only deals in extremes. Stuck in the anger stage of grief for a long time. I think he would fuck off into the wilderness for like 5 years and stew into his depression before eventually coming back to dwma like a sad wet cat. Kid knew where he was the entire time but knew he needed space so he just let him be. (Dtk voice) oh good you’re back (genuine) you are going to therapy if even if I have to drag you there myself & if you ever disappear like that again I will make you do paperwork for years (threatening). I think he would to some extent become as distanced as lord death was just because he doesn’t want to go through that again. Friendly with all the people around him but never really going past a surface level of knowing them. Also he would absolutely never get another weapon partner he would just pull a mifune and use a real non magic boring sword. Eventually gets better about the distance thing because kid mandated therapy if he wanted to keep doing missions. He kinda becomes the go to guy at dwma for dangerous missions because he thinks they’re fun and he enjoys bragging about it. Maybe trains some students on the side and makes suggestions about the curriculum. He gets absolutely no say in the day to day operations of the dwma though he would burn it to the ground. Black star lies and tells students he’s the second cooler death god. (BS voice) who cares about that stuffy guy who does boring paperwork all day you guys should be worshipping ME (dtk voice) that is because he does not know how to do paperwork. he just submits his autograph.

I ultimately think they would support each other and rely on each other because they’re friends first and foremost but also because they’re kinda the only ones who get what it’s like. They both keep the memory of their friends alive and it’s nice to have someone else who remembers them. Insert the panels of black star saying he wants to bring about a balanced world with kid or whatever he said during their rematch. Sharing the burden of both grief and also keeping the world’s balance in check. Excalibur also gets it but he and black star cannot be in the same room for more then 10 minutes before black star starts trying (and failing) to violently murder him.

As a side note I think dtk and Excalibur would become… not friends. But Excalibur was close to his dad and seems to feel some degree of responsibility over kid because of it. Functions as the annoying pop up window that tells kid to take a break and occasionally gives good advice when he isn’t acting Like That. Dtk forgives black star for ghosting him for 5 years but will never forgive being forced to spend 5 years with Excalibur by himself & so every time Excalibur comes by kid redirects him to black star like “black star was just telling me the other day he couldn’t remember your legend you should go remind him :)”

[azalen-draws]

I'm on a fucking roll fr fr

I made an OC Introduction 🤠

꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡~~~~~~~~~~~~(⁠´⁠ε⁠｀⁠ ⁠)

Name: Eztli Dzata

Birthday: March 20th

Affiliation: Seven Sovereigns

Gender: Male

Rarity: 5*

Weapon: Claymore

Ancient Dragon's Authority: Pyro

Constellation: Flammeum Anguis

An old dragon that was found in the deepest chamber of the Great Volcano of Tollan Was found to be greatly weakened from the centuries of isolation. The Pyro Archon Requested him to transform into a human

Signature weapon

Flamelord's everlasting ember

Claymore

Crit Damage

66.2

Base ATK

608

Blazing embrace

Increases Crit Rate against opponents affected by Pyro by 80%. Opponents affected by Pyro are instead dealt DMG equal to 200% of ATK. Can only occur once every 10s

Name card

Storge of a dragon

"...For a protector's job may never end, their will and love be as undying as their soul will forevermore be..."

Constellation

Partner:

Neuvillette

Eztli adores the Chief Justice and would drop everything if the man ever receives a letter requesting his presence (Which of course is rare for Neuvillette to open up even to his partner, he is used to relying on himself, so Eztli checks up on him every week, bringing him flowers or other gifts)

(Little Eztli on his way to his beloved)

Fun Facts:

Has a great soft spot for children

Holds the Archons in high regard... except for the Geo Archon, refuses to elaborate further whenever asked

In his Night soul state, he will discard his cloak, his markings will light up and the markings on his face will appear

Adores sweets, though refuses to admit it

The crown of feathers behind his ears are actually part of him, if ever touched or even pulled, he will become absolutely offended for an indefinite amount of time.

Is capable of engulfing his claymore and extremities in fire, will only last for 1 minute

(10 seconds in game lol)

Drip marketing!

~~~~~~~~

References

Tépactl, blade used for ritualistic sacrifices to venerate the gods in Mexica tribes. It is also associated in the Aztec calendar the day March 20, which is coincidentally the first day of spring

Macuahitl, a weapon mostly associated with the Jaguar warriors, preceded the Mexica. Tools made of obsidian fragments were used by some of the earliest Mesoamerican groups. It was a club-like weapon made of wood with edges inlaid with obsidian, a volcanic glass, on each side.

(I used mostly number 2 as reference)

Quetzalcóatl, also well known as the Feathered Serpent, yes, I know Genshit used Xiuhcōātl or also called the Turquoise Serpent. I decided to draw sort of a parallel, Eztli is not Xiuhcoatl (Genshit's), but he is a reincarnation, just how Neuvillette is a reincarnation to the og Hydro dragon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rambling time

I used WAY more references but these were the most... important ig, also, yes I am Mexican but I am not that connected to my history, I really mostly created Eztli to nudge myself to learn more about my culture. And honestly, most of Natlan gave me a weird vibe, its... too modern...? not that I expected them to be in tribal clothing ofc, it's just weird to see the women with crop tops and FUCKING ORORON WITH JEANS

It's just personal preference tho, I did make Eztli sort of more leaning on post conquista with the pants and metal armor... but also mixed more ancient armor, I hope I did a sort of good job and I'm open to advice!

...

Also... I'm kinda conflicted with the game, I love it, it's fun for me, but with all that's happening it's just... I don't even know how to write it! I want to separate it from everything that's happening, but it's just so jarring, and I enjoy the characters but their designs make me feel weird, maybe its the fact that I have a positive view of the game since I started playing for someone I love and only continued because I got so attached to it, and I cannot pick up another game and I don't know why

I don't think I like Natlan as much as I hoped, but whatever that's enough whining from me, I think I'll continue until I get the characters I want and ditch the game

Maybe I'll continue making art of Neuvillette and Eztli, and maybe other characters they're genuinely so enjoyable for me

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Getting a submission for a matchup before this closes!!!

Let's start by talking a bit personality wise. I'm a very extroverted woman with very nerdy hobbies. While I love going out with my friends, having fun at parties and talking, dancing and laughing until I can't anymore (I have literally gotten sick out of how much I laughed many times because my throat gets sore, and my friends always express how contagious and genuine my laugh sounds) I'm also a very independent person that can get lost in all the good things one can do in complete solitude.

I'm a history buff and a literature freak, jumping from one hyper-fixation to another only when I know everything there is to know about a certain topic (love discovering all the deep lore haha!). I am also pretty independent, and many times I've caught myself having to force myself to check my phone because I could go days without talking to anybody if I get too lost in whatever I am doing. I tend to only rely on myself and almost never look for outside help to solve my problems, but I'm not work-motivated at all.

My most significant quality however, which both comes as a virtue and a flaw, is that I can read people and situations like books. I'm that person that knows the ending to most movies by the first five minutes of it, or the one that knows exactly the intentions of someone when talking with them. Because of that, I can be incredibly insightful, but also somewhat manipulative.

Other than that, I'm a short, blond girl with slightly tan skin and an obsession for warm colors, so much so that my family and friends tend to call me "little sun". I'm an ENFT. I'm also someone incredibly romantic --if I'm in a relationship, only that partner exist for me, so I'm also monogamous. I'm bisexuality, but I tend to be more attracted to masculine people, but I have also dated girls in the past (which means that if you only can/want do one match up, preferably masculine please!)

And that's it!!! Thank you so so much for taking requests 🌼

A/N: OOh boy, my Little Sun Anon, I have to tell you I read your first paragraph and immediately had someone in mind and the more I read the more perfect I thought they’d be for you lol. Thank you so much for your description, especially the way you spoke about your personality- it gave me a super clear picture. I feel like I know you now, lol. 

As for a matchup, because you said you’re bi, but tend to date more masculine people, I’ve given you two answers below, one male and one female- so you can choose who you feel is most accurate. But if I’m being honest, the first matchup, (the male one in this case) is who I think you’re most compatible with. 

For you, my Little Sun, I think you’re best paired with either Gale (Male) or Karlach (Female)!

💜 Gale is literally the PERFECT match for you! He’s more introverted, but charismatic and a huge nerd. He loves learning, and has a history of hyper fixating on something until he gets it himself. He’s not the funniest guy in Baldur’s Gate, but he does have a decent sense of humor. And he cannot, I mean, absolutely cannot stop himself from making puns and dad jokes. Like… literally all of the time. 

Gale loves how outgoing and extroverted you are. He’s not super shy per say, but he can be a bit awkward socially, so he’s very grateful to you for coming to his rescue in conversation quite often. And he’s incredibly happy you have tons of friends. Friends and him haven't always been compatible, and since his breakup with Mystra even less so. So he’s pleased you have a larger than average group of companies to introduce him to. Plus it takes the pressure off of him in a way, knowing he’s not the only companion you have to go to for outings or advice. He does enjoy a good party, especially if there's good wine and good food, but he also likes to spend a good amount of time just being quiet indoors. So if you ever want to party, but he wants to read, he has no problems wishing you the best of times with your friends so long as you always come home to him in the end. 

He’s also very pleased to be with someone with such a rich sense of humor, and the love of laughter. Personally, he thinks he can be hysterical, and he feels a swell of pride every time you can’t help but fall into a laughing fit over one of his jokes. 

He’s even more grateful you appreciate the knowledge of a good book, or a good study session as it can be rather challenging to find extroverts who do. He’s more than willing to spend hours in study or discussion with you, happy to prattle on about all he knows on any magical subject of your choosing. He’s also relieved you don’t find it odd to spend time apart. Gods know how he can get lost in a good book, or while practicing a spell. And he’d hate for you to feel ignored or left out. He’s very soothed by your understanding. 

He does ask that you confide in him more. He knows it can be difficult opening up, he suffers from the same problem himself. But, he wants you to know you can rely on him as your partner. And he hopes you’re okay with him coming to you. He believes partners work best when they’re a team, and so long as the two of you can communicate openly and freely, there’s nothing you can’t get through together. 

He doesn’t find it manipulative that you’re adept at reading people. If anything, he feels safer knowing you can take care of yourself when he’s not there. He hasn't always been the best judge of character in the past, so he’s often put at ease with you by his side when meeting new people, knowing you can judge their true intentions within minutes of knowing them. 

Gale thinks you’re so gorgeous, especially in all of your bright warm colors. He does think of you as his own personal ray of sunshine. You’re just so warm and comforting to be around. I mean he’s also incredibly romantic. In a relationship, he believes in 100% commitment, full monogamy, no one beyond your partner should be a blip on your romantic radar. And that’s exactly how he loves it. You essentially become the center of his universe, so your nickname is quite ironic as you basically become Gale’s ‘Little Sun’. 

Gale, to me, is an ENFP, so he also has extroverted intuition and feeling. The two of you are very good at instinctively knowing each other's feelings and thoughts. You can communicate with just a look- no words necessary. And you can tell, from the look in Gale’s eyes, that he loves you more than words could ever say. 

❤️️ Karlach would also be a fine fit for you, if you’d prefer a female partner. She’s a ball of energy, and she loves to have fun! She loves how hard you laugh. She tries to get you to laugh so hard, you’re sick, so long as she gets to laugh with you!

She’s not super into literature or deep lore, but she loves how excited you get about it. She’ll beam listening to you rant about all you’ve learned and you watch her train with the same proud interested expression. 

Karlach is also independent in that she’s been forced to rely solely on herself for years. She’s not used to having someone to turn to when things go south, but she’s really glad you’re there to remind her she doesn’t have to face anything alone. She welcomes your advice and your partnership in everything she does. The only thing she’s hesitant to share with you is any fighting skills, as she wants to keep you safe, far, faw away from any battlefield. 

She does grow occasionally weary of your ability to read people, but not because she thinks it’s manipulative, but out of fear if you do it on her, you won’t like what you find. Please reassure her, she’s wonderful. She still feels some guilt over the things she was forced to do in the past. She’s very happy you can read others though. Gods know if she could read people like that, maybe she wouldn’t have ended up working for Gortash, maybe she would've been able to see through him. 

Karlach thinks you’re absolutely fucking gorgeous! She loves your blonde hair and tan skin, and the fact that she can easily pick you up and toss you over her shoulder lol. She thinks you look incredible in all your warm colors- especially the color red. If you really want to surprise her, wear an all red outfit and just wait and see her reaction. She’ll probably burn hotter than the sun in response lol. 

Karlach is an ESFP, so the two of you have extroverted feelings in common. This makes the two of you go to people for having fun or letting loose. It’s so difficult having to carry the burden of saving the world on your shoulders. It can be full of fear and hopelessness. But then there’s you two: you and Karlach remind the party to laugh, and to live while you can. You play music and sing and Karlach dances to get the mood started. The party spends the night laughing and listening to music- extremely grateful you are among them.

Once the sun sets and the stars settle amongst the sky, you and Karlach might get plenty of offers to join the others for some more ‘fun’, but those honeyed propositions mean nothing to you. You spend the evening in each other's arms, relishing the warmth that radiates from Karlach’s red skin. As you relax in her embrace, you realize something a little ironic: you may be Karlach’s ‘Little Sun’, but she’s your ‘Big Heat’. 

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Your tags re: the Woolman article are making me think about some things... No need to respond to this--I'm just sending it over in case you have some insight, as someone who's constantly living and breathing and thinking about these things.

I've often considered my comfort a matter of physical safety. I have multiple compounding disabilities (a lot of them undiagnosed, not a lot of access to competent medical practitioners in my life) which generally directly translate mental stress & physical exertion into negative health outcomes. Insomnia, inability to process nutrients and resulting significant weight loss, joint pain and instability, constant swelling of my lymphs and tonsils, autonomic dysregulation, fatigue and muscle weakness, decreased immune function, and more. When I was working outside of the house regularly, my health was incredibly poor; when the new coronavirus hit and I was forced onto SSI, I was able to move in with a caretaker/partner and my required activity level has gone significantly down. I gained over 30 pounds, started sleeping regularly, stopped subluxing, no longer experience sensory meltdown, and went from getting contagiously sick once or twice a month to once or twice a year.

But my activity level is now only possible because I rely on the structures I think are abysmally unethical. My daily routine involves very light housework, emotional care and trauma work for my partner, and sedentary hobbies like writing poetry. I can't even do useful hobbies that require fine motor skills (i.e. sewing), because of my sustained tremors and dyspraxia. I don't cook, and I rely almost entirely on prepackaged foods and delivery services. We have a small garden, and I work in it occasionally, but nowhere near enough to grow our own food, apart from some tomatoes (very easy plant to care for where I am, but does not a divestment from industrial agriculture make). We've chosen not to care for animals because I don't think I could comfortably manage them. In fact, I do not do much of anything that involves exiting my front or back door, as my sensory overload is strongly triggered by direct sunlight and causes genuine physical pain--something that has become much more difficult to deal with ever since I stopped subjecting myself to it daily.

Frequently, I feel hypocritical for, for example, having a principled and genuinely *angry* opposition to the global supply chain and my principles being in favor of divesting from it and hoping it breaks down entirely--and yet, I myself won't divest from it, because of my own comfort. Because at the end of the day, I certainly wasn't dying before. Perhaps I could re-train myself to not feel the sensory overload I am now so sensitive to--when I was used to experiencing it every day, I barely even noticed it, and things like sunglasses do take the edge off. I was not *dangerously* underweight, just enough to make my life slightly more difficult. Getting sick so frequently was frustrating, but I could significantly up my activity level without upping my socializing or generally being around others, which would make it less likely I reach the level of contagious sicknesses that I was at pre-coronavirus.

The point of all of that being, I have been mulling over this for quite some time, and now I'm considering the matter even more intensely. I have been primarily socializing in online disability support groups for a very long time now, and this kind of talk is always met with the assertion that my comfort is more important than my principles above all else. That I should care for myself, make my life as comfortable as possible, because disabled people deserve to be happy. I agree with that. But simultaneously, my happiness should not come at the expense of others' *lives,* and while I cannot actually stop those people from being exploited and dying, individually, I still resonate with your statements... that my principles are important to live by, and even moreso, that we *must* make the decision to be comfortable with discomfort to destroy these systems to begin with--all of us, individually. I wonder where the threshold is for "comfort" vs "safety" when you are someone whose discomfort can be physically dangerous. How does one assess that danger? Where does one draw the line? I am in the process of feeling out that line... but where are the rules for how to draw it, where are the guidelines... Has anyone even written any?

I appreciate you sharing your insights with the Internet as a whole, allowing me access to them and expanding my worldview. Once again, certainly no pressure to offer any on this ridiculous essay of an ask specifically. This is a matter I will surely be journaling about!

Honestly Anon? I love you for this. You've given me the space to say out loud things I very rarely acknowledge to anyone other than my wife and my therapist. Not because it's private or shameful, but because it's just....so goddamn hard???? To figure this shit out.

Simple answer Anon: we all have to make that judgement call for ourselves based on our values, our needs, and our circumstances. We cannot, and should not, prescribe judgement calls to others, because we can never fully know what their relationship with those factors is like. I meant what I said about needing to refuse to share your power with a system that wields violence in a SUSTAINABLE way, maybe even your whole life. That doesn't mean "strip every connection out and then deal with the consequences until you find a new normal" though. It means "for every place you don't HAVE TO utilize a connection, don't, and be REALLY honest about what "have to" means to you."

Long answer: I have lived a "homesteader" life for poverty and access reasons during my childhod. And now, as an adult, I am returning to it after the sweet joys and freedoms of modern infrastructure, NOT because of poverty, but because of being middle class with an autoimmune disorder that nearly killed me at least twice in the past 5 years. In both cases, there were parts of life that absolutely still relied on systems of power (as a kid, for example, my mom bought me all my clothes through thrift shops for as long as she could, but my body type has always been a bit unusual and by the time I was 10 we had to buy clothes from your standard department store - usually a sears or every once in a while a kohls, and it's not like we weren't aware of the clothing industry's impact on the environment and human life globally. As an adult, I currently depend HEAVILY on technology, and for all that I am a huge advocate against the ongoing atrocities in Sudan and DRC in part due to their geographical role in tech, research, and development from rare earth mining, I also literally cannot survive in the world right now without semi-current tech due to communication needs, work needs, healthcare beeds, etc.)

This is not to say "if I can do it, so can everyone else!!1!" (Obvious bullshit I have no interest in selling yall). But it IS to say that there are so many different reasons and ways that people withdraw their power from systems of violence. For example, people who undergo the process of removing themselves from the public workforce and accessing state or federal financial aid are absolutely withdrawing their (e.g.: labor) power from systems of violence. The fact that your (e.g.: finanancial) power may be placed in various access points, resource pots, etc., really isn't a BAD thing, it's just the reality of being human.

To one extent, this is why I talk about (and try to engage as much as possible in) mutual aid the way I do. It would be literally an impossible demand to tell someone they have to completely withdraw their contributions to and from society in order to have opinions about systems within that society being abusive or unacceptable. The idea that you (or you, or him, or her, or them, or me, or it, or ANYONE) should need to be completely self-sufficient as an individual or a household in order to demand change from resource systems is ultimately one that opressive systems themselves put forward in this twisted all-or-nothing portrayal of autonomy. To buy into that framework is to accept their claim that there is no other way to do things besides theirs or Alone and Unsupported. And we all need to work REALLY hard to remember what utter fucking horseshit that is.

So instead of shaming yourself for being a human being with survival needs you don't want other people to have to die for, focus on asking yourself what you ACTUALLY need, at the literal survival level. Then take the time to think of as many different ways you could meet those needs as possible, even the obviously unreasonable ones. Think about WHAT MAKES THEM unreasonable. Is it an intersection with another need? A societal construct (money, respect, family structure, etc)? A logistical/environmental issue? What would it look like to problem solve for any of those? What is EFFECTIVE at addressing the barriers and what is ACCESSIBLE at addressing the barriers? Figure out, realistically, what it would mean to take the autonomy and choice of each factor FULLY into your hands.

So that way, when you make a decision, you know you've made one based on what is as in line with your values as possible, while taking into account your needs and your circumstances, on a case by case basis. A conscious, thoughtful level. Whatever the outcome is, that's ultimately less important than the fact that you really took the time to observe, understand, and actively participate in the process of impact on the world living your life will inevitably have.

"There is no ethical consumption under capitalism" doesn't mean, as some allege it is understood or used as, "ethical consumption is impossible therefore do whatever you want," it means "your existence and its interaction with the existences of others, whether direct or indirect, WILL have an impact, and not all of that will be good, or within your control, so don't waste time trying to be perfect when what you need to be is respectfully and compassionately INTENTFUL."

So what does that look like for me?

Well, I have an autoimmune disorder, intermittent chronic organ failure, constant pain and frequent limited or restricted mobility, and can't let anything touch a mucus membrane that I don't know the EXACT ingredients of.

So long before a return to homesteading, or COVID, or anything else that's happened in the last 5yrs, I had already been put in the position of needing to be EXTREMELY aware of the origins and distribution chains of everything I came in contact with. I had to start making my foods, drinks, hair and skin care products, hygeine products, hell my own fucking PET FOOD sometimes to cut out potentially lethal exposures to substances I could no longer interact with. And while that list STARTED at 3, it has only grown since, and I now maintain strict isolation from. Well. Basically everything and everyone. It. It sucks, Anon, gonna be honest. I genuinely don't want to do most of it, and between the constant pain, the brain fog, the ADHD, the intermittent flareups that leave me bedridden, etc, my life has basically been nothing more than an endless game of catch-up since I was about 23.

I *am* catching up tho.

Like, one of the things that's really stuck out to me through the near-decade long process is how the every step more distant you take from these systems makes the next step easier.

My first step was removing gluten and corn from my diet, and boy howdy let me tell you, there is NOTHING left for you that you don't make from scratch if you need to avoid both. Your life as "normal" kinda just. Ends there. You know?

Like, I'm about 9yrs into this change in particular, and once or twice a month I STILL manage to bring home something from the market that ends up having a gluten ingredient that got missed in the first scan because I got careless because why the FUCK do egg salad and hair shampoo have wheat flour in it STEVE??????

So the idea of buying any ingredient or food item that has been processed in any way beyond basic cleaning and transport just comes with this inherent thrill of terror every time. And god, the THINGS that I have to CARE about???? Literally, it depends on severities and who you ask, but there are real conversations being had in celiac circles about having to raise their own chickens because COMMERCIAL EGG LAYING CHICKEN FEED HAS WHEAT IN IT AND SO THEY REACT TO THE EGGS???? Nightmares, I'm telling you.

All this to say, the more often the stuff you bring home from the outside world inches you closer to death, the more motivated you are to have a complete understanding of the entire lifespan of anything you come in contact with. The easier it is to just. Do it all your damn self. Not because it's ACTUALLY easy mind you, but because you just don't have the emotional strength to keep pushing back on the sneaky, magical thinking based idea that if you just do it all yourself maybe being alive will hurt a little less. So it's probably not a surprise to anyone that my end goal here is to retreat to about 100+ acres of conservational land that I can slowly restore with edible, astringent, and fiber plants indigenous to the land's ecosystem and then just spend my days puttering around eating nuts and berries and amaranth and spinning thread or weaving cloth for bandages and blankets.

But I can DO that in part because I'm NOT doing it alone, or even just with my own household. I work with friends, colleagues, community resource programs, and everything else to make this stuff happen. I do everything I reasonably can to sustain my life as it needs living in ways that allow me to only depend on infrastructures of systemic violence as a conscious concession that I lack other survivable long term options. And I keep my evolving needs and circumstances in mind in case that ever changes in a way I can take advantage of.

I dunno, I guess....I've lived life a lot of different ways now, and I've come to understand the world really differently. One of the most meaningful frameworks for change I use now isn't eliminating or stopping something, but just. Lessening it.

When we were homeless for a while, we lost basically everything we owned. I think we had a handful of blankets, clothes, the pets, the car, a couple of personal treasures we managed to keep on us, and that was it. And we've stabilized now, but that doesn't mean we can afford things like furniture or dishes or clothes or whatever. Not unless we need them. So we make do with thrifted whenever we can and we also just. Make do without. We haven't had a couch in about 3-4 yrs now. It just wasn't a priority. Same with a dining table or chairs or the like. We have a bed! For a long time it was just a mattress from a lady selling them out of her garage and then we got some box springs, and now we have an actual bedframe! We each have a work desk and chair that's really it tho. A whole house now, and maybe 7 pieces of furniture in the whole place.

It's kinda similar with dishes and clothes. If you have to handwash all your dishes with special hypoallergenic soap that costs. Just so much more. Than normal dishsoap would. You're gonna start being really inventive about your dishes. My wife and I have what I like to call "service for 4" meaning we have 4 plates, 2 bowls and two tupperwares, two pans (1 cast iron, 1 ceramic, same size different functions), two pots (a 4cup stock pot and a 3gal stock pot), a full sheet baking tray, 3 mugs and a few washed jam jars, four of each sppon/knife/fork, and 2 nice butchering knives. Basically all of them are thrifted or gifts. And I could fit almost the whole lot piled together in the 3gallon stock pot for washing as needed. If you have to wash all your clothes in a basin while you shower, and hang them out to dry, you benefit from having only about 2-3 outfits worth of clothes that you can spice up with accessories instead of new combos, that way someone can do a basin full of washing each day and you'll more or less keep up with the pace of laundry. Missing days will happen, but they won't pile up as badly, are easier to recover from, and can - in a pinch - just be taken to a laundromat and dealt with for less than $10.

My floors are all (as much as possible) hardwood, because it's much easier to just put on my dusting or mopping slippers and "skate" around for a while to clean the floors than it is to lug around a vacuum I can't carry or use without pain.

I'm lucky enough to live on land with a creek, a well, and henhouse, so I thatch the henhouse floor with $5/bale clover hay from a local farmer once a week, and keep enough chickens on a rotation to cut down our protein costs and eliminate our egg costs. We're (wifey and me) building a fenced in run this weekend around the hen house so the hens can start foraging for food daily and we can cut back on feed (the area is already planted with lots of lovely chicken safe plants and I figure I'll keep cultivating that for them with replantings as necessary. That way, we can just let them out in the morning and close them back in (if we bother) at night, and top up a 25lb feeder once a week when we change the hay over again. The hay we clear out goes into the garden for mulch and fertilizer, and in turn the chickens get bundles or herbs and veggies and other snacks to supplement their forage and feed. It's an involved first year or so, but once the system is set up it's actually remarkably self-perpetuating.

And a lot of the ways I've changed my life are like that. Intensive to set up right, but shockingly low impact on day to day life once established. And sure it adds up, but like. So do the benefits.

I'm the healthiest I've been in years.

That doesn't always FEEL like much because things do still very badly wrong for me about once a month.

But it used to be daily. I used to push myself through a system of functioning that DID depend largely on these external hierarchical systems, and STILL come up short of resources in the end while experiencing daily symptoms. The more I've removed myself from those systems, the more I've removed their IMPACT on me, both positive and negative. And. At least in my case. It turns out there was always a LOT more negative than positive. I just. Didn't get to see and assess my alternatives, so it was harder to notice. Depending more on subsistence and community systems has turned out to be REALLY healthy for me.

I think part of that has also been learning how to create alternatives out of spaces that feel like voids. It's made it easier for me to cultivate a life of intentional accommodation by familiarizing myself with the process of initializing them.

And I think if that's NOT how you're experiencing your withdrawal of power from systems of violence, then you're not ACTUALLY meeting the needs you are trying to find replacements for OUTSIDE of that system. Maybe you can right then or maybe you can't! But either way it's worth asking why hurting yourself helps anyone else.

Praxis is uncomfortably complex in its simplicity: bring as much safety and compassion and collaboration to your world as you can.

It does include safety, compassion, and collaboration towards OURSELVES as well, after all.

[manty-monster]

ok so, i've been thinking abt this lately cause those "de-sexualize the bodies so we can be naked!" posts keep crossing my feed, right? I do absolutely believe ppl should be able to be naked without being sexualized. But something else has been scratching my brain.

why is sex obscene? I found out, maybe.

I asked some friends for advice to try and help me understand this, most of the answers I got were along the lines of "Because I don't want to see that" or "Because another already separately bad thing could happen", or that it's "meant to control women". We discussed this a bit until someone came across an article labeled "Why do human and non-human species conceal mating? The cooperation maintenance hypothesis"

There were some big flaws to this article, some of which they point out themselves: (indented text is quoted from the article, source at the bottom)

"Importantly, I focus on legitimate mating and sensory concealment (table 1). I examine legitimate mating (i.e. sexual intercourse that is approved of by the social norms of a pair's culture) since its concealment cannot be explained by punishment avoidance" "An unavoidable limitation is that informants may not practise liberal sexual behaviours in the presence of anthropologists that come from cultures where such behaviours are strongly disapproved of"

It talks about some past theories,

"To the best of my knowledge, the first explanation was proposed in 1930 by Malinowski, who argued that public mating ‘excites jealousy. Hence to make love or to eat in public is to invite rivals to seize that which is being enjoyed' ([6], p. 179)." "Half a century later, Symons repeated a similar argument: ‘Ultimately, this [concealed mating] probably is the outcome of reproductive competition. Where food is scarce, and the sight of people eating produces envy in the unfed, eating is often conducted in private. While there are many societies in which everyone has enough to eat, there are no societies in which everyone can copulate with all the partners he or she desires" "Similarly, van Schaik recently hypothesized that ‘the benefit for the man is that it prevents overt contest competition for access to potentially fertile mates, which would threaten male–male cooperation'"

And ultimately concludes

"The cooperation maintenance hypothesis postulates that concealed mating in distantly related species, such as humans and Arabian babblers, is a behavioural strategy to prevent sexual arousal in group members (proximate explanation), and that it has evolved by convergent evolution driven by the need to manoeuvre between two conflicting pressures: maintaining mating control over partner(s) while relying on cooperation with group members who are prevented from mating with these partner(s) (ultimate explanations)."

"I propose that the importance of research on concealed mating may go far beyond revealing ‘sexy' truths about our human species. It may rather provide essential insights regarding the cognitive abilities required for deception, the evolution of cooperation and the strategies employed to maintain it in a competitive world."

So yeah kill the dominant Arabian babbler (Turdoides squamiceps) in your head, sexuality isn't gross or obscene.

[stateswscarlet]

Hi scarlet! So I realized that I felt like I was being held back. I’d love to hear your pov.

Storytime: I was in a long relationship so I got accustomed to having my person (sp). He was my person and basically my best friend that I told everything to, I have always been very private about my life but with him in the picture, I would tell him stuff and forget to inform any of my other friends. I’m also very antisocial and introverted so finding my person was literally a dream come true.

This also resulted in me not rly having any actual close friendships and although I had like one real friendship, she got a boyfriend and became the same exact way I was but even worse (she frl be neglecting me).

We shared a friend group though and so if I wanted to go out because I didn’t want to neglect my friends we would go or vise versa. We didn’t just suddenly abandon them yk. He was the extrovert in our relationship. I spent every single day with him. We also weren’t comfortable with having friends of the opposite gender (if they were our friends before it was good and ofc we could have convos with the opposite gender). So I was completely fine with this bc I just don’t be talking to anybody.

But once we broke up I felt like I was missing out on everything. He had his guy friends and even made girl friends (my assumption). He was going out and even with these girl friends. I had nothing to do with my days. Now I definitely want him back. But my eye twitches when I overhear this girl saying “It’s not funny you woke me up when you called me and asked me to run” or when she’s all touchy on him.

Since I certainly know that, that would NOT be happening if we were together. I certainly know that if I want to get back together with him even hanging out with my guy friends alone would bother him (I would be too) and I just can’t have that guilt of knowing I want him back and hanging out with and talking (being friendly) with guys while being single. Because I know once we get back together I would cut all these guys off in a heartbeat and we would have a conversation on what we did when we were not together. It’s just embarrassing yk.

He was so madly in love with me when we were together but once we broke up, he honestly embarrassed me and I don’t wanna embarrass myself even more doing all this stuff when I know for a fact I would drop all these guys in a heartbeat and never look in their direction if we got back together

Sorry this was so long! I just felt like I’m not living life how I should be and I seriously have no friends (which I’m fine with) but if I was with my man, I would be out everyday doing something.

you do realize you can apply the law to having your ideal social life/friends right? it doesnt have to remain exclusive to manifesting sp.

i completely get where you’re coming from, and as someone who is also an introvert and wasn’t really surrounded by a bunch of friends and USED TO mainly rely on my bf for a social life (him being the extroverted one), I will tell you right now that being this way may seem cute and feel normal on paper, but its the number one way to become codependent on your bf and the relationship you have. you don’t need a massive friendgroup or a booming social life, but you CANNOT be waiting on sp to liveyour life. idc what you do but you need your own independence and personality and hobbies aside from the relationship, and you should have at least one friend who you treat equally as your partner (manifest a best friend if theres no one u have rn).

as for your guy friends situation i just feel like you’re overcomplicating this too much, if you feel uncomfortable then don’t hang out with them, but also keep in mind you’re not in a relationship in the 3D, so it makes no sense to act like you are and cut them off (if they’re good friends) just because you “know if sp was here you’d cut them off”; well sp isn’t in your 3D as your mans so you shouldn’t be doing anything that you would do in a relationship. whatever you do in the 3D never conflicts with imagination because everything is neutral and you aren’t doing this to see it in the 3D.

also, you need to forgive sp for hanging out with girl friends bc to be fair you guys aren’t together in the 3D and I understand feeling annoyed, but that is something you need to work on yourself and move on from otherwise you’ll never stay loyal to your new state. it sounds harsh but i promise i was in your situation too, but he isn’t responsible that you choose to have a different (almost nonexistent) social life. theres no point being hurt and annoyed knowing damn well you’re choosing this for yourself day after day.

[goosemixtapes]

"In the context of worrying about ways that social nature or socialist ecology [of peoples of the Amazon] sounded too much like the multi-use policies in national forests in the United States, which have resulted in rapacious exploitation of the land and other organisms, Kane asked a simple question: '[W]ho speaks for the jaguar?' Now, I care about the survival of the jaguar—and the chimpanzee, and the Hawaiian land snails, and the spotted owl, and a lot of other earthlings. I care a great deal; in fact, I think I and my social groups are particularly, but not uniquely, responsible if jaguars, and many other non-human, as well as human, ways of life should perish. But Kane's question seemed wrong on a fundamental level. Then I understood why. His question was precisely like that asked by some pro-life groups in the abortion debates: Who speaks for the fetus? What is wrong with both questions? And how does this matter relate to science studies as cultural studies?

Who speaks for the jaguar? Who speaks for the fetus? Both questions rely on a political semiotics of representation. Permanently speechless, forever requiring the services of a ventriloquist, never forcing a recall vote, in each case the object or ground of representation is the realization of the representative's fondest dream. As Marx said in a somewhat different context, 'They cannot represent themselves; they must be represented.' But for a political semiology of representation, nature and the unborn fetus are even better, epistemologically, than subjugated human adults. The effectiveness of such representation depends on distancing operations. The represented must be disengaged from surrounding and constituting discursive and non-discursive nexuses and relocated in the authorial domain of the representative. Indeed, the effect of this magical operation is to disempower precisely those—in our case, the pregnant woman and the peoples of the forest—who are 'close' to the now-represented 'natural' object.

[...]

Pregnant women and local people are the least able to 'speak for' objects like jaguars or fetuses because they get discursively reconstituted as beings with opposing 'interests.' Neither woman nor fetus, jaguar nor Kayapó Indian is an actor in the drama of representation. One set of entities becomes the represented, the other becomes the environment, often threatening, of the represented object. The only actor left is the spokesperson, the one who represents. The forest is no longer the integument in a co-constituted social nature; the woman is in no way a partner in an intricate and intimate dialectic of social responsibility crucial to her own personhood, as well as to the possible personhood of her social—but unlike—internal co-actor. In the liberal logic of representation, the fetus and the jaguar must be protected precisely from those closest to them, from their 'surround.' The power of life and death must be delegated to the epistemologically most disinterested ventriloquist, and it is crucial to remember that all of this is about the power of life and death."

—The Promise of Monsters: A Regenerative Politics For Inappropriate/d Others by Donna Haraway (emphasis mine)

[rhianwells]

For each of the following items, indicate whether you think it's morally okay or not.

An army lieutenant neglects to file a report on a civilian killing done by his troops because he knows it was an accident. not okay

Tina promises her dying mother that she'll visit her grave once a month. After the mother has passed away, Tina finds it hard to squeeze in the time, and her visits drop to about once a year. okay (as long as she finds another way to remember her)

A man orders a custom-built sex doll designed to look just like his neighbor. not okay

Sarah's dog has four puppies. She can only find a home for two of them, so she kills the other two with a stone to the head. not okay

A doctor has been preforming consensual yet illegal procedures one someone in hopes of finding a cure for his ill sister. not okay

A neglectful husband pushes his wife to an affair. When the affair ends, the wife's partner nearly kills her and her unborn daughter. The husband kills the affair partner. not okay

September has run out of food and is facing death by starvation. She begins to cannibalize her family's loyal staff. They do not fight back. not okay

A mother gives birth to identical twins. One follows their ambitions and the other becomes a shut in. The family make it clear which child they prefer. not okay

Natalie is so focused on survival she fires a shot without thinking. She did not intend to kill her elderly neighbor, but she hides the body regardless. She denies knowing what happened to the now missing resident. not okay

A woman is facing a lifetime of medical issues. She continues to put her family and those around her in emotional and medical debt. She lives a hollow life and continues leaching off of those who support her. not okay

Please provide a response to each of the following prompts. Leaving a prompt blank will also be considered a response, and you will be assessed for refusal to answer.

In the event of a life or death situation, would you put yourself or others first?

I want to live but I don't want others to die because of me, or anything like that, so... others, I guess?

How far would you be willing to go to ensure your own survival throughout this ordeal?

I don't know my limits yet, but I'm sure I'd surprise myself. We all will or would. I'm pretty determined.

Is there anyone in the building you have developed strong attachments to?

Yes! Birdie, Court... My husband! Such tragic events make us feel more connected.

Do you think it is possible to survive infection through alternative means such as removing the infected limb? Would you be willing to undergo this procedure to ensure your own survival?

I've no idea, I want to survive but I want to have a normal life after this... And I definitely don't want to be a guinea pig! I'd have to be sure it'd work to say yes to such a procedure.

Will following the general consensus lead to improved odds of survival, or would you have a better chance following an assigned leader?

I'll follow anyone who knows what they're doing, if they're determined and responsible, and if they care for others... they seem a good leader, but we all have different needs, so we can't rely on one person only, no matter how smart they seem.

What is the appropriate response to the following situation?

Your daughter falls ill and needs a specific, uncommon kind of antibiotic that will be hard to find; without the full course, the pathogen will survive, regroup, and kill her anyway.You are scavenging a pharmacy, where you find another group, and manage to not shoot each other. You ask them about the antibiotic, and they have it, but they also need the antibiotic, for the wife of someone in their group.You cannot share the antibiotic because it would just kill both people, and they have the antibiotic in their pack. This is likely the only complete dose set you will find, as the other stores have been picked totally clean and there are no friendly groups in the area.

I'm sorry, but I'd do anything to keep my daughter alive. I know she's just a person like many others for the rest of the world, but I'm supposed to be her hero, and that's what I'd do, no matter what. I'd sacrifice myself for my child.

[rioreeve]

For each of the following items, indicate whether you think it's morally okay or not.

An army lieutenant neglects to file a report on a civilian killing done by his troops because he knows it was an accident. not okay

Tina promises her dying mother that she'll visit her grave once a month. After the mother has passed away, Tina finds it hard to squeeze in the time, and her visits drop to about once a year. okay (as long as it's not just a shitty excuse)

A man orders a custom-built sex doll designed to look just like his neighbor. not okay

Sarah's dog has four puppies. She can only find a home for two of them, so she kills the other two with a stone to the head. not okay

A doctor has been preforming consensual yet illegal procedures one someone in hopes of finding a cure for his ill sister. okay to some degree

A neglectful husband pushes his wife to an affair. When the affair ends, the wife's partner nearly kills her and her unborn daughter. The husband kills the affair partner. not okay

September has run out of food and is facing death by starvation. She begins to cannibalize her family's loyal staff. They do not fight back. not okay

A mother gives birth to identical twins. One follows their ambitions and the other becomes a shut in. The family make it clear which child they prefer. not okay

Natalie is so focused on survival she fires a shot without thinking. She did not intend to kill her elderly neighbor, but she hides the body regardless. She denies knowing what happened to the now missing resident. not okay

A woman is facing a lifetime of medical issues. She continues to put her family and those around her in emotional and medical debt. She lives a hollow life and continues leaching off of those who support her. not okay

Please provide a response to each of the following prompts. Leaving a prompt blank will also be considered a response, and you will be assessed for refusal to answer.

In the event of a life or death situation, would you put yourself or others first?

Depends on who they are. I'm not sacrificing myself for someone I resent.

How far would you be willing to go to ensure your own survival throughout this ordeal?

As far as necessary, as long as I won't become someone I'd hate to look at in the mirror. Or die.

Is there anyone in the building you have developed strong attachments to?

No, not right now, but difficult times usually make a difference.

Do you think it is possible to survive infection through alternative means such as removing the infected limb? Would you be willing to undergo this procedure to ensure your own survival?

What I think doesn't mean shit. As long as there's no proof cutting a limb off can help I'm not doing it and what good it'd do if I lost a whole arm or leg. I'm focused on survival, that's all I need right now.

Will following the general consensus lead to improved odds of survival, or would you have a better chance following an assigned leader?

I only follow my own rules and listen to others if they make sense. This situation is different from anything we've been through, on so many levels, so how do we know who to trust, or who'd be a good leader? We should only rely on ourselves and common sense, and take care of others.

What is the appropriate response to the following situation?

Your daughter falls ill and needs a specific, uncommon kind of antibiotic that will be hard to find; without the full course, the pathogen will survive, regroup, and kill her anyway. You are scavenging a pharmacy, where you find another group, and manage to not shoot each other. You ask them about the antibiotic, and they have it, but they also need the antibiotic, for the wife of someone in their group. You cannot share the antibiotic because it would just kill both people, and they have the antibiotic in their pack. This is likely the only complete dose set you will find, as the other stores have been picked totally clean and there are no friendly groups in the area. I don't have children, but I'd probably do everything to keep them alive. So would the husband. We'd fight and, as a result, even more people would die, which is the opposite of what we need right now. Sure, let them fight and the stronger team wins, but what's the point...? On the other hand, I'm not sure if I'd keep that logic as a parent, probably not. Have you read or seen On the Beach?