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the-red-thread-that-strangles · 4 months

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Here's some semi-structured thoughts on the grim reaper!Akai AU that lives rent-free in my head. Fair warning, this is basically all just about the death in Rei's life.

Rei is four when he encounters Death for the first time.

Doesn't quite understand yet that when the paramedics throw a blanket over his mother's limp form and take her away, it's the last time he'll ever see her.

He just sits at the kitchen table and waits, patiently, as she told him to, with dread and the feeling that something's wrong in his stomach. He's a big boy. Can't go around crying all the time, anymore.

One of the medics pats his head, tells him he's being very brave. Rei preens a little.

Then they're gone.

Death is an occassional visitor at the Miyano's clinic.

His foster parents have explained to him how mother's in a better place, now, and he believes them. After all, the other kids incessantly ridicule him for all the things he is and isn't - any place would be better than this. He's only a little upset she didn't take him with her.

Instead, he's forced to struggle and fight and fend for himself, and that's how he first lands himself a visit to the clinic.

Little Akemi drags him there, when things go a little too badly, when he's in over his head against several boys older than himself.

It's a kind soul that patches him up, and not just him. He doesn't have anywhere else to go, so Rei stays in the waiting room, watching and waiting while Elena soothes the pain of the injured, the sick, and the dying. Observes how, despite everything, they leave a little better off than they entered.

Sometimes someone is brought in, and leaves with the paramedics. The medic that patted his head, black hair inconveniently fanning out untied over his back, is usually with them. Throughout the summer, they meet every once in a while. Rei makes sure to wave at him every time. At first, the man seems surprised, but eventually he smiles back, tentatively.

The people that leave with him, Rei never sees again.

Rei is nine when he has a brush with Death himself, for the first time.

It's honestly a surprise it's taken that long, considering his recklessness and tendency to get into arguments, but meeting Morofushi Hiromitsu has dampened his fighting spirit a little. There's other ways to spend his time, now, more peaceful ones. Fishing, for example.

It's inoccuous enough. He's waiting for Hiro, tiptoeing on the edge of the pier as he's done countless times before, against his best friend's best judgement. Rei has a great sense of balance, though, so he's fine. Until one day the wood is still slick with rain and algae. He slips, hits his head on the planks, and goes under.

Rei fights against the freezing cold seeping through too-thin clothes, digging its claws into his flesh and bone, but it's a short-lived struggle. Even if he could figure out which way is up through his syrup-y mind, his vision is rapidly darkening, and his limbs lock up with spasms.

He wonders, as he is drowning, whether he will get to see that better place now, and surrenders himself to the gentle embrace of Death. The freezing eases into a cool, steady presence around him, infinitely patient and all-encompassing, and oh, this is what rest is supposed to feel like, isn't it.

Rei closes his eyes.

He wakes up in the ambulance, a wet and shivering Hiro by his side, covered by a thermal blanket.

The usual medic is nowhere to be seen.

Rei is twelve, delirious with fever, when he sees him again.

He's never been afraid to die. There's things he wants to - needs to - do, and he will do them, or die trying. It's a risk he's willing to take, every single time, because the rewards are worth it.

Just because he's not afraid of Death, however, doesn't mean he doesn't cling to life - especially when it's a pathetic sickness that has him in its grasp. He won't be taken out, like this.

So his mind and body resist, and the distinction between minutes, hours, days, has lost all meaning in the painful haze that burns him alive. His sleep is fitful, where it exists as at all.

His foster parents must have called a doctor, because Rei wakes up to a soothing, cool hand on his forehead, taking his temperature.

"Good evening, Furuya Rei."

Ah. The man must have gotten a promotion, because looking down at him is the same pale medic with strands of inky black hair falling over his shoulder. Now that he's thinking about it, Rei has never seen his eyes, before, always hidden by a cap. They're a lovely shade of jade, the man ethereally beautiful.

Or maybe he's just a fever dream.

"Hello. Who are you?"

Speaking is easier than it should be, considering he's coughed his throat raw.

The man offers him the glass of water standing on his bedside table, steadying him while Rei gulps the liquid down greedily. The cold spreads inside him, familiar and comforting.

"A friend. Feel free to call me whatever you like."

Hm. That's not helpful at all. Rei will have to think about that. But thinking is rather difficult, at the moment. Later, then.

"How are you feeling?"

Terrible, he wants to say, should say, but that isn't quite the truth, is it?

"Better." The cold is seeping into his body, chilling him to the bone, opposing the fever.

The man smiles, small and private. "I'm glad." He wipes away some of the water Rei spilled in his haste.

"Would you like to come with me? I should be able to treat you better, in my domain. Could take away all your pain."

The man's hand rests on Rei's chest, numbingly cool, a gentle pressure over his heart. Cold comfort.

Rei thinks of how the people that leave with this man never come back. Thinks of Hiro, screaming and shouting until his throat was hoarse when he thought Rei had drowned.

He shakes his head.

"I'm sorry, I can't leave with you."

The man's smile dims, sorrow creeping in.

"I see."

It hurts, to see him downcast like this, but it hurts more, when the man takes his hand away, and the fever rushes back into Rei.

"Will I see you again?", he manages to rasp as the pain returns to his throat.

That, at least, seems to amuse the man.

"Most certainly."

When he's fifteen, Rei meets Morofushi Taka'aki for the first time.

Hiro's brother has been working for the police for a while now, and his insight into the work is what sets Rei on the path to becoming an officer himself.

That, and the fact that despite digging through several databases, Taka'aki has been unable to locate Elena. Rei's been digging through social media himself, and, just to be sure, looking for obituaries or graves.

There's nothing.

He'll need better resources. She can't have just disappeared, but there's only so many records of unidentified corpses a teenager can get access to. It's stupid, really - adults can try and hide the demise of humanity all they want, but that doesn't stop it from existing.

One day, Death catches up with everyone.

By the time he's twenty, Rei knows he wants to spend his life investigating Death.

Of course, he's seen the statistics; the rate of violent crime has supposedly been stable, if not receding, for years now. But as Rei's grown older, he's seen Death from the corner of his eyes every once in a while, waiting patiently, before a scream split the night, and a body was discovered.

Rei's left to wonder if he sees Death because he's actively looking, or whether it finds him, follows him around. They haven't talked, if it even happened at all, since that first time, and ever since Hiro gave him an odd look when Rei started to talk to him about the green-eyed spectre of Death, he's learned to keep his mouth shut. Maybe it really was just a feverish hallucination.

Still, every once in a while Rei gets the feeling of being watched, a glimmer of jade looming for a moment, before disappearing into the darkness.

Rei's academy days can be best described as a continuous flirtation with Death.

Somehow, the friends he's managed to make are just as reckless and driven as himself, which results in them enabling each other to perform stunts that would be deadly, if not for their teamwork.

It's a dizzying high to see what they can accomplish, unafraid of failure, with their talents combined, one close shave after the other, but ultimately victorious.

All the while, Rei feels the spectre of Death looming, but he just grins at it with reckless joy.

Of course, those bright days can't last forever.

Rei's first kill is in self-defense. It won't be his last.

He's called the emergency services, hoping he could subdue his clearly drugged-up victim, but when all is said and done, there's nothing left for the medics but to jot down time and cause of death, and take the body.

A member of the trauma team drops a blanket over him, hands him a cup of coffee..It warms him a little, though Rei's hands continue to shake.

Death sits down by his side, on the floor.

Rei is unsurprised to find green eyes watching him, but he's too tired to play pretend.

"What do you want?"

"You were the one who called. I'm just here to collect what is due."

"Then why are you here, while the body is carried off by your colleagues?"

"He's dead, he can wait a few minutes. Time very quickly looses its meaning. Besides, I was curious."

"Excuse me?"

"You've taken a life. I was wondering how it would affect you."

"I'm not your guinea pig. Go bother someone else."

Rei really would like to have an opportunity to rest and recover from the incident that just occured. Instead of talking to this weirdo.

"I can't."

"And why is that?"

"Most people avoid me. Many people are afraid of me and run when they realize who I am. Those that seek me out... well, it's usually a rather short conversation, if they can see me at all."

"I see. Well. I won't run, but I would still like to be left alone, now."

"Alright. See you soon."

Rei really hopes he won't, but presumably Death knows better.

When Rei goes undercover, Death walks beside him.

The guy really needs a name, because he's clearly not just the abstract concept of death, but an actual, well, almost-person. With his own characteristics, interests, and weird hobbies - mostly people-watching.

Rei's sure that if it didn't make him feel sick, there's a lot he could learn from Death. As it is, though, none of his skills are of the sort Rei would like to improve on, if he can help it.

His familiarity with Death is what steadies his hand when he does have to kill for his work. It doesn't happen frequently, thankfully, but still more often than he'd like. He tries to make it quick and painless, and Death will be waiting by his side when it's over, his cool presence seeping into Rei, helping to carve from ice the mask that is Bourbon.

Sometimes, when it's really bad, Death will provide support - steady his back, help him aim. It's strange to get pointers from Death, but he certainly has the knowledge to share. When Death takes over, it's fast, though usually messy.

Eventually, that's how Rei settles on a name for him - Akai, for the blood that stains them both.

Akai's decent company, once you get past the inhuman curiosity.

He's non-judgemental in a way even Hiro can't be, just observes and asks questions - usually it boils down to how certain things taste and smell and feel like. What sort of feelings Rei's experiencing.

It's probing in a way that should be deeply unpleasant, unfiltered, digging into the deepest, most private parts of his psyche. Because damnit, sometimes it feels good to abuse his position and deal with some of the scum of society. To know corrupt politicians won't ruin his country anymore, to coerce someone into paying the child support they owe their mistress, the list goes on.

It turns out that Death is a good listener, and so Rei gives him much more of himself than he could, to a human.

It's cold comfort to know, too, that if things go very bad, there's always an exit strategy. Death is always waiting for him, after all.

Rei hears of Hagiwara's death only belatedly, and somehow, that hurts even more.

He tries to drink himself into a oblivion, and he's probably getting there, because several hours in Akai shows up at his doorstep.

Death's embrace is still as comforting as it was as a child.

It's unclear to Rei whether Akai is ever really there. He seems to be able to blend in with crowds, and sometimes, he'll see Akai's silhouette reflected in the eyes of the dying, but Scotch never seems to notice when Akai is around, even when he's just performed a kill.

Rei knows he's garnered a reputation as some sort of madman who keeps talking to himself, and although it's incorrect, he doesn't bother correcting them. They wouldn't believe him if he told them the truth, so what's the point?

Besides, a reputation for insanity is as much a shield as anything, in this environment.

Akai isn't always around. In fact, he's often busy, or so he claims. But without fail, he'll be there when Rei meets Gin.

For a being that's supposedly the great equalizer, impartial like no other, Akai seems to really, really hate Gin. If Rei is feeling uncharitable, he supposes it's because Gin's trigger-happy nature means more work for Akai. If he was being kind, he'd suppose Akai might be a good judge of character.

And if the people that deem him insane are right, well. Rei hates Gin, so it makes sense a figment of imagination would share the sentiment.

And maybe, just maybe, Rei's just a bad influence. Because some days it almost feels like Akai is getting more human.

Either way, through Akai's barbs - he's trying to get Rei to take action against Gin - Rei learns a few key things.

One, Akai can only speak to those that are either affiliated with death, or close to it. He won't say which one applies to Rei, but maybe Hiro is onto something when he tells him to eat and sleep more.

Two, there's more deaths than just Akai. This is unsurprising, considering Akai isn't busy literally every second of every day.

Three, despite the term Grim Reaper being tossed around for his kind sometimes, there is little actual reaping involved. Akai can't actually influence the mortal world aside from some small ways, much less kill someone. The best he can do, apparently, is talk, though this is sometimes enough to push someone over the edge. But his job is mostly just to escort souls to what comes after - he declines comment on what that would be.

One of the few times he's pretty certain he's not the only one noticing Akai, he's gently holding a defiant young mother, staring Gin down while he shoots first her child, then the woman herself. It's just business, to Gin - payment for attempted betrayal of the organisation by the child's father.

She seems, in her final moments, comforted by Death's presence.

If this is what it takes for others to see Akai, Rei doesn't want a repeat performance.

"Give him back!"

"You know I can't do that, Furuya-kun."

Death is taking the place of a crematory operator, today. The one currently in the process of handling his best friend's body - or rather, what remains of it after Rei scraped him off the pavement.

He should have called someone else to clean the scene up. The smells and thoughts and feelings will never leave his mind. But this is the last thing he can do for Hiro, the last kindness he can perform. Making sure his body won't be further desecrated, his ashes will find their way home. Fuck. He won't be able to reach out to Hiro's brother any time soon.

"What did you tell him, Akai? Why did you make him jump?"

Akai's calm as he's operating the device, often comforting, is now increasingly aggravating to Rei.

"Nothing. It was his own choice."

"I don't believe you."

It has to be a lie. Hiro wouldn't have left him behind. He had to have been in a vulnerable space, easily influenced and drawn over. Rei knows the siren's call, has resisted the sweet release of death several times over by now.

This is all Akai's fault.

Without him, Hiro would've sought Rei out, and they would've found a solution, together.

Akai reaches out a hand, expression pained - that can't be true, Death doesn't have emotions, it's just a law of the universe - touches Rei's shoulder - frost burn cold spreads from the point of contact, numbing, freezing his heart, trying to lock him in place. He won't be taken, like this.

Rei flinches, takes several steps back.

"Don't you dare touch me ever again."

Akai takes one last, long look at him, and then he's gone.

Rei goes over the deep end with burning determination.

Clings to his job harder than ever. He owes it to Hiro and Elena to see it through, to see the organisation that took them from him crash and burn.

Some might say he lives dangerously, takes too many risks, but Rei can't bring himself to care. Even as he kills, watches torture and murder and death, Akai stays out of sight, so he's not too worried about himself. There's worse things than death, sure, but as long as he lives he'll be a thorn in the organisation's side.

His reputation is deserved now; even as he hates him, Rei finds himself missing Akai, too used to sharing his thoughts with him. He ends up talking to empty air.

He barely sleeps and eats, anymore, and it's probably only through Akai's blessed absence that he stays alive.

Or maybe it's a curse.

Somehow, Rei survives three years, like this.

It doesn't feel like living, it feels like barely hanging on, deadly mistakes waiting in every direction. It's a matter of time until he makes a misstep that gets him killed, but so far, he has evaded his fate.

It's hard to think straight, anymore, his thoughts and feelings devouring themselves in an effort to keep him alive.

Date is hit by a drunk driver and killed, and oh, that was the last straw.

Rei determines his aim to be good and true, decides to go out with a bang. He sits at the kitchen table, pistol in hand, and starts drinking, waiting for Death.

Between one slow blink and the next, Akai appears in the doorway, observing him neutrally. No hint of amusement, no glimmer of interest in his eye.

"Good evening, Furuya Rei."

Asshole. As if their shared history means nothing.

"Akai. Good. You've taken all that ever really mattered, might as well collect me, too, while you're at it. Complete the set."

Rei's face is stuck in an demented grin, hysteria taking over. He feels like crying, but all he manages is to watch and wait and drink. Maybe doesn't want to die after all. But he can't live like this anymore, either.

"Even if I wanted to, I can't." A wry smile on Akai's lips. "You told me not to touch you."

"I take it back." Rei opens his arms as much as he can move them still, an invitation. "Come. Take me."

Akai approaches, looking him up and down, the blood and sweat and misery. Squats down in front of Rei.

Smiles up at him, with that same sweet sorrow of years prior, when Rei had denied to come with him.

He knows what it means before Akai even speaks.

"No."

"What do you mean, no? - I'm dying, you can't just leave me here!"

Not you, too.

"You're not dead yet, and you won't die today. What happens to souls that die like this... I won't let it happen to you."

"You don't get to make that choice for me. You're a law of the universe. You can't escape your nature."

"True. But here's the thing, Rei: I can afford to be patient. Death catches up with everyone, in the end."

"Fuck you, then."

The distance is short enough that even with alcohol poisoning, he manages to aim at Akai's chest, and fires. It doesn't matter if he's real or not. If he's not going to make himself useful, Rei will shoot him. Maybe with enough intent, he can get rid of Akai, and then he can shoot himself and some other Death will come collect his soul.

Akai seems unperturbed by the fact that he's bleeding. Did he know he could? The image is more disturbing than Rei thought.

And still, Death is smiling at him.

"Please, hold on a little while longer. I promise you, things will get better."

Rei wants to believe him. He was right so often before, but what if he's wrong, now?

He'll give him a year. If Akai is wrong, Rei will just go through with his plans, then.

He's so tired.

When he falls forward, Akai catches him.

Rei rests, suspended in blessed oblivion.

He lives to see another day, for better or worse.

The kindly old lady next door called emergency services on him when she heard the shot.

Akai's blood still stains his floor.

Six months into borrowed time, he meets a child just as haunted by the spectre of Death as himself.