#grieving who you used to be and grieving who you almost were. and you'll never be either ever again.

[rutadales]

Stages?

👀

STAGES IS MY BABYYYYY i love writing about grief and loss of self, and how to cope with that. C!Dream is perfect for that type of analysis. It started bc I really wanted a way to explore dream and bads relationship and their similarities. They both lost their families and both believe that what happened to them was mostly self inflicted. there's a lot to explore there. And of course I love rivals duo and also wanted to write a scenario where techno isn't able to repay the favor. And, ya know, healing and growing together is such a good trope.

I already have the first chapter posted on my AO3 but I've written so much for this fic but still never managed enough to finish another full chapter ughhughhuh. I've also posted some of this fic here but there are so many nuggets I've written that I'd love to share (sorry all my excerpts are so long 😭😭)

"I can barely walk, I can't fight-! I'm helpless. I'm at everyone's mercy and I hate it." His hands are shaking, the pencil moving like a record needle— up and down and up and down— in his weak grasp. Dream wants to steady it but can't, hasn't been able since Quackity's first visit, and he hates that too. His body isn't his anymore. It's a malfunctioning tool, but there's no fixing it. No quick repair. There's no fixing him.

Nothing can cure him, not potions, not time, not XD. He's broken, plain and simple. And all that's left is crossed wires.

A hand lays over his own and Dream looks up into Techno's eyes. His hand still tremors underneath the warm grasp, but it hurts less, now.

"You're not helpless, Dream. You're not. You're just changed, and I know that hurts. And I know I can't fix that but let me make it a little easier for you." His voice chokes on the last syllable, the emotion making it crack.

Sweat pools on the back of Dream's neck as he quickly adverts his eyes. A million thoughts run through his head, seeing Techno's care so plainly on display. He can't bring himself to pull away though.

"I don't get it." It's an admission he wouldn't make normally, but Dream wants to understand at least this about Techno, if nothing else. "You've more than repaid the favor, you don't owe me anything anymore."

"Yes, I do." Techno says, so quietly Dream is half convinced he didn't hear it at all, before Techno continues as if he hadn't said anything to begin with. "When are we just going to admit we're friends, Dream? We can be that to each other, you know."

Now, he does pull away, just barely. Their hands touch still, if only slightly, and the contact burns.

"Fine," Techno speaks, not with anger or frustration. "I'm doing it because I'm selfish. I like having you around, and keeping you healthy makes that easier. Not to mention you're skinny enough to be one of Phil's scarecrows. We can hang you out in the fields and you'd scare all the crows off, nice and easy. That's why I'm doing this, for the good of my crops."

Dream furiously ignores Techno's smug smile when that draws a laugh out of him, but it doesn't get rid of the pit in his stomach. Dream knows what happens to his friends.

He doesn't want that for Techno.

[jpmarvel90]

Sacrifice

Masterlist Natasha Masterlist

Word Count: 5148

Relationship: Sister Nat & Sister Yelena x Reader Wanda x Reader

Summary: Y/n has been haunted since she watched Natasha fall to her death on Vormir. Her own grief is only intensified when Yelena finds out and shifts blame to the one person that wished it was her who had made the ultimate sacrifce.

Y/n's POV:

Coming home from Vormir without Nat was the most heartbreaking moment of my life. Seeing our sister Yelena's reaction added to the pain that I was already feeling. When Clint, Nat and I arrived at Vormir, none of us thought we'd be leaving as a duo. As soon as the realisation hit, I knew it had to be me. Clint had a family and the world needed Natasha. I was the obvious choice.

But Nat had other ideas. She had to be the hero. Whilst her and Clint were fighting, I took the opportunity to go myself. But Nat stopped me at the last minute. My feet were off the ground as I jumped, I was content with my decision. But my stubborn sister had to be the hero. She was able to grab me at the last minute and use her strength to switch our position.

I still had a hold on her hand, but she was out of reach from Clint, so it was reliant on me to be able to pull her up. That was made even more difficult by the fact that Nat didn't even try. My eyes were filled with tears when I realised that I wouldn't be able to save her. "You can't leave us. Yelena needs you. I need you!" I begged her, a sob getting caught in my throat. "It's ok. You'll be ok." She tells me but I shake my head, tears continuing to fall. I try once again with all my strength to pull her back up. "Let me go." She whispers before kicking off the wall. I can still see her body falling as I failed to save her. The world lost a hero that day and Yelena and I lost our sister.

It never should have been Nat. She was the true hero that carried on fighting when so many gave up after the snap. She gave her life to rectifying the wrongs she was forced to do whilst in the Red Room. Her ledger was already clean, and she deserved the chance to be able to have a normal life. To not have to fight any more.

After the battle was over, we were reunited with our family and friends that we had lost five years ago. I hadn't only lost Yelena, but my girlfriend Wanda too. It had been hell, and it was the reason I stuck by Natasha and worked tirelessly with her to find a way to bring everyone back.

However, telling them both the news was almost as devastating as the moment I saw Nat die. Yelena was angry and couldn't understand it. Wanda was devastated too. Nat had been like a sister to her when she first joined the Avengers. She was hurting too. I tried to be there for them as best I could. I was still grieving myself, but I knew I had to be there for my sister and girlfriend.

It was hard as they both started to withdraw, spending more time together. They had a shared experience and found comfort in each other. I started to feel like an outsider and my relationship with Wanda was slowly becoming more distanced. Yelena rarely spoke to me. Until she uttered the most devastating words at Nat's funeral. "It should have been you." There was a venom to her words and I could see that Wanda agreed. It made everything more painful as they were true. It should have been me. No one needed me. But Natasha Romanoff, everyone needed her.

Life at the compound become more difficult by the day. Those of us left signed to work with the government to keep the world safe from another situation like Thanos. There were rumblings that Hydra had resurrected, so most of our missions focused on wiping out anyone who posed a threat.

During this, my relationship with Yelena became non-existent. Any words said in my direction were said with hate. It got so bad that Fury could no longer put us on the same missions as he couldn't guarantee my safety from my own teammate, my own sister.

Wanda never officially broke up with me, but she moved out of our shared room and no longer spared any time for me. If I walked into a room, she was quick to leave. The love we once had seemed to have vanished when Nat died. Each day, it just reiterated why it should have been me.

So, I decided that I had to find a way that I could bring Nat back. No matter what the consequences might be. I spend a lot of time in the library working out if there was anything I could do that might be able to make everything right again. Though one phrase keeps coming up. "A soul for a soul." It's what's the Red Skull had told us when we were on Vormir, could that be a replacement for a soul already sacrificed.

I decide that's where I need to start. A trip back to Vormir and a conversation with the Red Skull will hopefully set me off on the way to bringing Nat back. I just need a distraction for everyone here so I can "borrow" a quinjet and make the journey. "Hey Y/n, we're going to have a team evening together. Maybe go for a couple of drinks, want to join us?" Bucky calls out after knocking on my door.

"Are Yelena and Wanda going?" I ask as I open the door. He looks at me sympathetically and nods. The rest of the team have been a little distant with me too. Not that I blame them. They're closer to Yelena and Wanda so I don't expect them to insert themselves into the middle of whatever shit show of a relationship we have.

"I'll give it a miss tonight. Thanks, though Buck. Have a great time." I tell him with a tight lipped smile. "You ok Y/n?" He asks me, taking me by surprise. "Oh yeah. I'm good. Thanks for checking in. I appreciate it." I respond. He nods and goes to turn before stopping and looking back. "How about on Friday, you me and Sam all go out together. Make a night of it. I know you've been a little isolated recently. I'm sorry for that." He suggests. "Oh uh. Thanks Bucky, sure that would great." I agree and I see him smile. "Great, we'll sort something out." He smiles and heads off.

This gives me the perfect opportunity. If they're all out, I can start to bring my sister back. I take a bit of time getting everything in order just in case I don't come back. I leave a message for Nat, hopeful that she might be able to see it one day. I considered leaving one for Yelena and Wanda, but they won't care. They'll be happy that the right person is with them.

I hear them all leave about 6pm so I gather a few of my things and head out. One of the few skills I'm grateful for from the red room is my hacking ability. Hopefully, by the time Shield realise the jet is missing, I'll be long gone. I'm weirdly not nervous as I board the quinjet. I feel a sense of hope. I know this is the right thing to do and I just pray that I'll be able to pull this off.

When I finally reach my destination, I take the familiar walk up to the top of the cliff. I get flashbacks of the last time I was here. The last time I was with my sister. I can still hear the conversations we had as I reach the top. I familiar figure waiting for me.

I take a deep breath and make my way forward as the figure turns to face me. "Ah, Y/n Y/l/n, I wondered when I would see you again."

Wanda's POV:

This night out with the team was much needed. Since everything with Thanos, it's been difficult to find the light. We lost a lot and we're still healing. I was surprised when I felt a pang of disappointment when Bucky came to us without Y/n in tow. Not that I'm surprised, we've not exactly made a welcoming space.

I especially have been bad with her. She's my girlfriend after all, but I just let my grief consume me. Add on the confusion of missing out on five years of life, it's just been difficult to make sense of it all. Yelena was the only one who knew how I felt and it was easier to be with her than Y/n.

But now I realise what I'm missing. The support and comfort of the woman that I love. I was stupid to let myself become influenced by Yelena. I started to feel her anger, but mine wasn't directed at Y/n. It was the situation. It just became my outlet as I had nowhere else to direct it. Which is completely unfair on Y/n. She was grieving herself and lost Yelena and me on top of it.

"I'm going to check on Y/n." Bucky tells us when we arrive home, earning a huff from Yelena. "Why do you care?" She snaps. "Because she has become isolated and it's not fair. I shouldn't have let it go on for so long." He defends. "Maybe she deserves it! If it wasn't for her, Natasha would be here." Yelena bites back. "ENOUGH!" Clint shouts, stepping in front of Yelena.

"I promised Y/n I wouldn't get involved, but I can't stand here anymore and let you talk like this. Y/n tried everything to save Nat. She had to watch as she slipped from her fingers after doing everything for it to be her. Y/n had wanted to make the sacrifice herself. So please just stop. If you don't want to be around her or have her in your life, fine. But this bitching needs to stop." He scolds the young Russian. Yelena doesn't respond but lets her head hang low for a moment. "I'll join you Bucky." Clint responds, following behind Bucky.

I should go with them. But when I take a step, Yelena looks to me. "I need more vodka." She huffs, taking my arm and moving us into the kitchen to get a drink. But before she's able to drink the shot she's poured, FRIDAY makes an announcement. "Director Fury has request everyone's attention in the conference room immediately."

"Cyka." Yelena huffs, quickly taking the shot and making her way to the meeting room. I follow behind and see Bucky and Clint return but without Y/n. I don't question it, instead I take a seat next to Yelena. "Would one of you like to explain where the quinjet is?" He asks, his tone flat. "No idea. We've all been out for a team meal." Sam explains. "Was Y/l/n at this meal?" Fury asks after noticing her absence.

The silence provides his answer. "That would explain the encryption on the tracking." Fury sighs. "Wait, you think Y/n has taken the jet?" Clint asks, giving Bucky a worrying look. "Well, considering she's the only one not here and only two people in this team have that ability to hack the quinjet like that." He responds and we all know the other is Yelena.

"This is not good. Do you think she's actually done it? That she found away?" Clint whispers to Bucky who matches his concerned look. "Do you know where the jet was heading?" Clint directs to Fury who shakes his head. "No, she's hidden the location." He replies. "Shit." Clint mumbles. "Something you'd like to share?" Fury questions him. Clint doesn't respond but pushes a piece of paper towards him.

Fury takes it and I see a sadness flash across his face. My heart rate picks up a little and the regret of how I have treated Y/n these last week's grows tenfold. I selfishly thought she would always be there waiting for me for when I was able to get passed this grief.

"Ok, let's go. Hopefully we can catch her before she does something stupid." Fury moves to leave with no explanation. "Would someone like to explain what is going on?" Yelena asks angrily. "Considering you haven't cared about Y/n's wellbeing recently, I'm sure you don't care now." Clint snaps and I see a flash of hurt on Yelena's face. "We don't have time for this." Bucky steps in, bringing the focus back to the situation at hand.

Mindlessly, I follow behind the others towards the quinjet. I have no idea what's going on, but from the panic in both Clint and Bucky's eyes, I know it can't be good. "You're going?" Yelena reaches out to grab my arm and spin me around. "You're not? She's your sister Yelena. I know you're angry at her, but it seems like you might lose her too. It's a loss I know that I won't cope with." I respond, snatching my arm from her and running to the jet.

"Co-ordinates set to Vormir." Clint tells Fury as the jet takes off. Hearing those words sends fear through my body. Why would she be going there? This fear and sickening feeling just grows as we get closer to our destination. The rest of the journey is in silence before the jet touches down.

Cautiously we all disembark and my eyes instantly land on the quinjet a few metres away. "This way." Clint instructs, directing us towards a worn path up to the top of a cliff. As quickly as we can, we start off to reach our destination. Though I don't think any of us expected the sight that was waiting for us.

In this moment, I feel like my heart is in my mouth. My emotions overwhelm me as I see the person that I had been grieving for. "Natasha?" Yelena whispers in shock as our eyes land on a familiar red head in front of us. I wipe at my own eyes, not believing what I'm seeing in front of us. Nat turns around with a confused look on her face as she looks over us. "You're really here?" Yelena says as she rushes forward and wraps her arms around her sister.

My own gaze then moves around trying to find Y/n. She has to be around here somewhere. "What happened? How am I here?" Nat asks once we've all greeted her, plenty of tears shed between us. That's when I notice the sadness in Clint and Bucky's eyes. "Clint?" I ask, panic building within. All he can muster is a whisperer sentence. "A soul for a soul."

Natasha's POV:

The last thing I remember was being in this odd space between reality and wherever I was due to move onto next. I was aware I was dead, and it seemed like I was just waiting. For what, I'm not sure. But I certainly hadn't expected that I would find myself back on Vormir. I knew time had passed. I just don't know how much time.

I look over the edge of the cliff as flashbacks from that day replay in my mind. I jumped. I stopped Y/n from doing it and I jumped in her place. I died, making the sacrifice so we could get the soul stone and beat Thanos. Had we beat Thanos?

I don't get time to really take it all in as I hear footsteps behind me. I quickly turn, getting in my fighting stance ready for whatever might be coming my way. However, my question is soon answered when I see two faces that I've not see in five years. Within seconds Yelena has wrapped her arms around me and is holding me close. I take comfort in her arms and look around for our other sister, desperate to hold her too.

After greeting everyone, I ask what had happened and that seems to bring a sadness to Fury, Bucky and Clint. When Wanda pushes Clint, he simply states, "A soul for a soul." I don't understand what he means, we already did that to get the soul stone in the first place. "What do you mean? Where's Y/n? Is she back at the compound?" I ask, not getting a good feeling about my sister not being here for this reunion.

"Let's get back home and we can share what we know." Clint suggests, guiding us back towards the path. Yelena and Wanda both stick close to me. Yelena seems delighted, but Wanda has a darkness around her. A worry that I don't understand. But I fear it is related to Y/n. "How long has it been?" I ask, wanting to get some sense of the time that has passed. "Three months." Yelena responds. "It felt like we had only been gone for seconds but in that time, I had lost you." She adds on, turning to me and pulling me into a hug once again. I've never seen Yelena this vulnerable before, so I just hold her that bit tighter.

When we reach the quinjet, I notice that there are two which takes me by surprise. "I'll take this one back. Then we'll meet to discuss moving forward." Fury explains, to which Bucky nods. "Not that I'm complaining, but is anyone going to explain how I'm back?" I ask, getting a little frustrated. They all look at each other until Clint speaks up. "We actually have no idea, but we think it has something to do with Y/n." He responds, before turning to enter the jet, preventing me from questioning him further.

My mind is so confused right now. It still feels a little hazy as we fly back to the compound. I have so many questions and I can't quite make sense of what is happening right now. As grateful as I am to be with my family again, I want to understand why. Is this temporary? Will I end up back in the middle place again?

When we arrive back home, I aimlessly follow the others to the conference room. "You go and rest Natasha, we'll give you any updates as needed." Yelena instructs me but I shake my head. "I want to know how this has all happened, especially if it's got something to do with Y/n." I reply, continuing on my journey with the others. I hear Yelena mumble something under her breath and she doesn't look too happy, but ultimately doesn't stop me.

I take my usual seat in the conference room, and I realise that the others are in a state of shock. They are all staring at me as if I'm going to disappear at any moment. "Where's Steve and Tony?" I ask, noticing two very empty spaces in the room. They take the time to talk me through what happened after they returned with all the stones. Knowing that Tony sacrificed himself for the greater good brought a tear to my eye. But I'm grateful that Steve was able to get his second chance with Peggy.

Now we come on to the more difficult conversation of how I happen to be back on earth, very much alive. "Bucky and I went to check on Y/n but she didn't answer. FRIDAY notified us she had left the compound but that she had blocked her location. With the door unlocked we went in and that's when we found that note." Clint explains as Fury nods along. "That would work with the timeline of the quinjet going missing. She obviously waited for you all to be out of the compound so she could do what she needed uninterrupted." Fury responds.

"What note?" I jump in, still confused about what is going on. Did Y/n really steal a quinjet? Why would she do that? Fury moved his hand into his inside pocket of his jacket and pulls out a note before handing it to me. I open it up and I feel both Wanda and Yelena peer over my shoulder.

Maybe this time I can make things right. I'll make sure it was me. Take care of Nat.

I look up from the note to the others. Wanda is full on crying when she sees the words on the paper. Yelena won't make eye contact whilst both Bucky, Clint and Sam look like they're grieving. "What does this mean? What does she mean by making sure it was her." I question, wanting to get some semblance of what is going on. This looks like a suicide note.

I start to get frustrated when no one answers me. In fact, they all make the effort to not meet my eyes. "Someone tell me!" I shout, banging my hand to the table making them flinch. "Yelena?" Clint speaks, raising an eyebrow at her. I turn to face my sister who looks as white as a ghost. "Lena, what is going on?" I ask calmly, but again she doesn't respond.

"Her and Wanda have spent the last three months telling Y/n that it should have been her and not you. I guess she finally found a way to make that true" Bucky finally breaks the silence and my heart with it. "What?" I gasp, turning to look between the two of them. "Did you really say that to her?" I ask, shocked that Yelena could do something so horrible to Y/n. They've always been so close.

When both of them fail to respond, I stand up ready to leave. I can't believe this. "Natasha wait." Fury tries to stop me. "No! From what I can work out, these two pushed Y/n so far that she has killed herself to bring me back. That's what you're telling me without actually telling me isn't it." I snap, tears filling my eyes. "We don't know exactly what happened." Fury responds but I just scoff. "She stole a quinjet and flew to Vormir. You found me and Y/n was nowhere to be seen. I think we all know what happened." I retort.

Quickly turning to face Yelena and Wanda, I feel my anger build. "I'm so angry at you. It was my choice! I decided it had to be me. I had my chance at living and making things right. Y/n still had so much of her life ahead of her. She was in there longer than us Yelena. She had you, Wanda and she was happy. I couldn't take that away from her or you! I made the decision to jump because I thought that if it was Y/n, you'd be left without a girlfriend and you your favourite sister." I yell, jabbing my finger in the direction of Wanda and Yelena.

"Fuck! It was my choice! It was meant to be me. But now I hear that she's spent the last three months without anyone whilst she went through grief, being told it was her fault and she should have died. Her last three months were probably miserable, and you can't change that. She's gone. Y/n is dead. Do you realise that? She's not going to magically rematerialize. And it's all your fault!" I rant, anger and an overwhelming sadness taking over me.

At my words, I see the realisation hit Yelena and Wanda. Tears start to fall down their cheeks. "I jumped so she could have the life you promised me she would have. A life where she would be loved and protected. A life where you would never hurt her. But it couldn't be any further from the truth!" I spit at Wanda, venom lacing my tone.

"And you. How can you even treat our sister like that. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to forgive you." I turn to Yelena, my heart aching knowing I've lost two sisters today. Not allowing them time to respond, I storm off to what used to be my room. Ignoring the calls from behind me.

When I reach the accommodation floor, I find myself stuck outside Y/n's door. My hand hovering over the handle. There is a part of me that is wishing this is some sick joke and I'll open this door to see her sat on her bed, drawing, or listening to music. That she'll actually be alive, and I won't have to face living in this world without my sister. The sister that gave me my humanity.

Slowly I push the door open, and I instantly get enveloped by her scent. Tears once again prickle at my eyes when I see the cold room is empty. Wanting to feel closer to her, I move further into the room and towards her desk where I spot a USB sat on an otherwise spotless desk.

Pulling her desk chair out, I sit and turn on her laptop. Letting out a teary laugh when I see the photo of her, Yelena, and I when we were drunk on a night out. We look the happiest we've ever been. It was one of the first times we'd been able to just forget about life all together and this photo represented that. I reach out and rest my fingers over her face. "Oh, moya malen'kaya sestra. (My little sister) I'm sorry I failed you." I cry as the thought of not seeing her again hits me.

Composing myself, I plug in the USB and open it to see there is only one file on it. A video file entitled "For Natasha." Hesitantly, I click on the file and let out a sob when I see Y/n's face appear on the screen. Straight away I notice that she's barely slept and there is a pain in her eyes I have not seen since we saved her from the red room.

Video message

Hey Nat. I really hope that you are watching this. If you are, it means that I finally did something right and managed to rectify the mistake that I made that day on Vormir. I never should have let you jump.

You see, the thing is about you Natasha, is you don't see your worth. You believe the trauma that you went through as a child is something that you must atone for, for the rest of your life. Despite telling Yelena, me and countless other widows how our actions were not our fault, you failed to allow yourself the same courtesy.

Since joining Shield and then the Avengers, you have done far more good than you ever did bad. Not that you had anything to make up for in life. You had every right to live a normal life, to try and move on from the horrors of your past. But instead, you set your mind to saving others who couldn't save themselves.

Don't tell the others, but you were the true hero of the Avengers. Your intentions were the purest. You were not blinded by money, fame, or righteousness. You were doing everything you could to try and drive out evil from this world. To stop others having to experience a pain like you did.

It's why I decided to jump. Why it should have been me that made that sacrifice. You had already given enough. It was your time to live your life in peace. If you had chosen to carry on your life as an Avenger, then so be it. But it would have been your choice.

The world needs Natasha Romanoff. Yelena, Clint, Shield, hell even my girlfriend, needed you more than me. It's why you never should have given your life that day. It's why I was the logical choice. The only choice.

Yes, hearing that being reiterated by people I love has been hard to hear these last few months. But it's the truth. It's why I tried so hard to find away that I could rectify that mistake and make the world right again. I think I finally have that answer now. A way that I might be able to bring you back. I pray that this works and maybe Yelena and Wanda can stop hating me. Not that I'll know, I guess.

I know that everyone will be able to move one without me in their lives. But you, well we know the world deserves and needs Natasha Romanoff. I just hope that I'm able to give it to them.

If you are sat watching this Nat. Please know how much I love you. You are the reason that I experienced freedom and free will for the first time. You gave me a family, a chance at love. All things that I thought I would never experience. You saved me in more ways than one and I will always be eternally grateful for that.

Being able to call you my sister has been the greatest honour Nat. I love you with everything I have, and I hope that one day, we may see each other again. In a life where there are no expectations of us. A life where we're free to live as we want. But before that time, live your life to the fullest. Enjoy it and have a vodka for me. Ya tebya lyublyu, moya sestra. Do svidaniya. (I love you, my sister. Goodbye.)

I feel the sobs wrack over me as the screen goes black. I feel grief wash over me in waves. It physically hurts to know that she sacrificed herself for me. For her to believe that this world needs me more than it needed her. She is a light that shone brighter than anyone I had ever met. But now that light is extinguished.

With my grief overwhelming me, I feel the sudden need to leave her room. Being surrounded by her things, knowing she'll never be here again is just adding to the pain. As I stand and turn around, I spot Wanda and Yelena crying in the doorway, clearly having overheard the video.

"Natash..." "Don't." I hold my hand up to stop Wanda straight away. "She needed you. Both of you. But you were selfish and put your own grief above hers. You could have supported each other. Grieved together, moved on together and had a life together. But instead, everything is ruined." I express, pain lacing my voice.

"Natasha please." Yelena practically begs, reaching out to take my hand but I'm quick to snatch it away. "No. As far as I'm concerned, I lost two sisters today." I state before barging past them both and to my own room. Quickly locking the door behind me.

I fall onto the bed, the whole day becoming overwhelming. I don't know where to go from here. How do I live a life that doesn't have her in it. How am I supposed to live like she told me to, when I can't share it with her. I feel at a complete loss. Of all the things I have sacrificed, my own life included, this was one I was too selfish to give. But have ended up losing anyway. 

[milksnake-tea]

❀ ˎˊ- prompt: even after a breakup, jing yuan still appears to be perfectly fine. ❀ ˎˊ- jing yuan x gn!reader ❀ ˎˊ- wc: 403 ❀ ˎˊ- warnings: none ❀ ˎˊ- a/n: this hit me like a truck after listening to taylor swift for 2 hours straight ❀ ˎˊ- img credits

You can't tell me that Jing Yuan isn't Mr. Perfectly Fine after a breakup.

You could look at him at work and he'd be exactly the same. You'd almost be convinced that nothing had happened at all, and the breakup was just a bad dream.

His stance is calm and composed as always, and his smile still lazes around, longing for a nap. Jing Yuan never falters in his work, still decisive yet cautious as the Luofu's Cloud Knight General.

Even Yanqing is startled by the general's nonchalance to the end of your relationship. He's seen how Jing Yuan looked at you, like you were the singular light in his world. Jing Yuan had been devoted to you, worshipping you like an acolyte would to their god.

Everyone had expected Jing Yuan to be broken when you left him. They expected tears, overworking, and exhaustion from the general. But those were the work of overly dramatic love stories, for Jing Yuan never changed.

How could they expect him to? Even if he was once someone's lover, he was still the Luofu's general. He still has a duty to fulfil, and he couldn't let the Luofu's guards drop over personal matters. Jing Yuan is no stranger to loss. After friend after friend after lover leaving his life, he'd grown used to saying goodbye.

He'd tried to end the relationship on good terms, really. He had wanted to cling onto your embrace, but he knew he couldn't drag you down into that. Jing Yuan was always like that - putting your happiness over anything else, even at the cost of his own.

And so he'd sent you off with a smile, a sad one, but a smile nevertheless. That was what he wanted you to remember - his smile, not his tears.

That's why you'll never see him cry. You'll never see him confine himself to one side of the bed, only making the gap you left all the more obvious. You'll never see him bury his face into Mimi's fur, consoling the lion who never stopped waiting for you.

You'll never see him grieve.

So when you meet him again in Aurum Alley, he only waves and asks you how you've been doing. Nothing has changed about him.

He's still Mr. Perfectly Fine.

reblogs w comments are appreciated !!

[thetreefairy]

Hiya, for your event can i request fantasy au with king gojo with the prompts Sunflower,3,4 platonic yandere. I see you just made a gojo fic so if you don’t wanna write for him can fyodor for bsd replace him? Thanks in advance

I tried to write this with fyodor, but I could not--- so here's gojo, you can request as much Gojo as you want cuz he's my fav in JJK. Reader is related to Gojo in this .

Warnings: manipulation, reader wants to find their parents, parental deaths, gojo is a bit dubious ngl

Sunflower - "I adore you like you are mine."

"Stay with me, or I will make you."

"You are the bird in a golden cage, act like it."

They/them reader

700 rules - 700 masterlist - kofi

King Gojo had little family, and the family that he did have was barely in contact with himp.

At least, until their child came to him, begging for him to help them find their parents. "My sister went missing?" He had asked to the teen infront of him, they had his eyes.

"Yes, as well as my pa." Reader had said with teary eyes. "I beg of you to help me find my parents, your majesty."

"My sister and I don't have a cordial relationships." Gojo said with a small smile, he missed her truly. "But this situation will make us put our differences aside."

Reader looked at him with a bright smile, causing him to grin at them. "And perhaps I will finally get to know (my cousin/niece/nephew)."

The way his posture changed and how his expression, it set off alarm bells in Reader.

Perhaps they should have listened to their mom's warnings about him...

While Gojo had promised Reader that he would search for their parent, he had offered them a place in the palace. Which caused Reader to ask: "Why did ma give up her title?"

"Is it important?" Gojo had asked. "Quite so, I don't wish to be murdered you see." Reader had answered back.

"You have quite the imagination, I would never let my blood be harmed."

While Reader tried to help with the search, they slowly became close with Gojo, they even started to call him uncle. Slowly the court started to treat Reader as the crowns heir.

During Tea time Reader asked about it. "Uncle Satoru, why are people treating me like the crowns heir?"

"Perhaps, because." He started dramatically. "I adore you like you are mine."

Reader chuckled nervously and drank their tea quietly. So this is what their mother meant, as long as their parents are found... His obsessions won't continue.

But the next day, the imperial knights brought two death cerficates to them.

Reader had dropped to their knees and broke down. Their ma and pa were gone. The people who were supposed to be by their side until they were old and gray, the people Reader was supposed to care for as they grow old.

And now they are gone.

Reader had to leave this place, they had to, before their uncle because obsessed. Just like he was with their ma.

But when Reader voiced their desire to leave and bury their parents at their home, Satoru's behavior took a dangerous turn.

'I have been too naïve.' they thought as Satoru grabbed their arms tightly and said: "Stay with me, or I will make you."

"W-what?" Reader had dumbly asked. "You can't do that, uncle."

"I can do what I want, I am the king, and I hold full authority."

"Yes, but imprisonment without a just cause is illegal!" Reader shouted. "Even for the king!"

"Oh, but I have a just cause." Gojo said in a low tone, pulling Reader into a tight hug. "A grieving child cannot make decisions for themselves."

Reader gulped.

"Now can they?"

All they could do was smack his chest, not that he would budge. "awh, darling." He chuckled. "Your grief is making you violent, perhaps you should rest."

He pushed you towards a new room, it was big. It almost felt like the entry to a house.

"Everything you need is here." Satoru whispered in Reader's ear as they cried out. "You'll never need to leave."

With that Satoru left and shut the door, locking it. A maid in the room ran to Reader as they dropped to the ground saying: "Your highness, why don't we take a bath and read a few books. That will surely calm you down."

They had nodded and allowed the maids to do as they pleased. As they whispered praise in Reader's ears.

The only time Reader was allowed out of that room was for their parents funeral.

It seemed like Satoru truly meant for them to never leave. So Reader fought with him every time he came to visit. He told himself: 'They just need to adapt, soon they'll accept their new positions.'

But eventually he broke.

The next time he came to visit he asked: "When will you stop asking such foolish things?"

"When you realize you can't keep me here, I am my own person." Reader had hissed back at him. "No." He spat with venom.

"You are a bird in a golden cage, act like it."

[dootznbootz]

I don't think Greek Mythology retellings/adaptions/inspired/etc. are necessarily "evil"...but I DO think people REALLY need to understand that there's a huge difference between the actual mythology and certain media.

I feel like people have to basically do a "Fandom ___" to say the different versions. Like "PJO ___", "Hades game ___", "TSOA ___". For it to be understood that these depictions are DIFFERENT. I'm saying this as someone who grew up reading PJO and still has a soft spot for it. But as someone who really loves Greek Mythology as well, I sometimes get really SAD.

I'm going to use the comparison of Howl's Moving Castle with it's Book Vs. Movie. I enjoy both!!! But they are honestly very different. In the movie there is no "sister swap", Markle isn't a young teenager, Sophie doesn't throw weed killer at Howl, and many more moments. But I enjoy both because even though there are changes they still keep components that are ingrained into the characters!

In some Greek Myth retellings/adaptations/stories/etc., characters are...SO different from the source material. That's fine...Choose what you want with your story... But folks should know that the modern adaptations are NOT the source material!!!

It bothers me that a lot of these wonderful myths and stories are twisted up and seen so differently because of a modern version of them. You can have that character be "awful" or a certain way in your story. But I almost feel that as fans, it's not good to generalize them or see it as "This is the truth". People are hating the mythological figure when it's only in that interpretation they are like that.

In PJO, Ares is "Zeus' favorite", isn't a good dad, a misogynist, etc. The actual myths? One of his Epithets is LITERALLY "Feasted by Women", in the Iliad everybody basically bullies him with Zeus literally saying he hates him. He cries when he learns one of his sons is killed in the war. He literally kills someone about to rape his daughter. Ares isn't perfect but it makes me sad with how he's viewed and talked about when it's only in PJO he's like that. Same with Dionysus. Read the Bacchae, you'll love it.

In Lore Olympus, Apollo rapes Persephone (noticing the fact that modern takes on the myths add rapes where there never were hmmmmm) when he never did in any of the myths.

In TSOA, Thetis is cruel when in the Iliad, she is such a loving mother to Achilles. She grieved alongside her son over Patroclus. Also with Agamemnon. In Ipheginia at Aulis, Agamemnon is a MESS. He adored his children.

In Circe, Odysseus is viewed as a selfish man who ONLY hurts others and doesn't care about his family when that is LITERALLY his one consistent character trait. HE is actually the one who is the victim of rape. Circe was never raped.

Medusa is only a victim in Ovid's, a Roman man, works. Not in GREEK mythology. She was just a cool monster. Leave Perseus alone. Poseidon and Medusa actually had a consensual relationship in Greek Mythology!

These adaptations/retellings/inspired by/etc. whatever anybody wants to call them, are not the real myths! They may be similar in some ways but to just generalize them or hate the deity/mythological figure because of something they did in the new media feels fucked up!

You can enjoy these new stories. There's nothing wrong with that!!! But know they're not the real myths. Maybe even label it as "I hate ____'s version of ____". As that makes it clear what version you're talking about.

[igotanidea]

Crawl back to you: Jason Todd x reader

Summary: Mexican!reader celebrating dia de los muertos, going throught the process of grieving after Jason's dead and her process of getting better through the years with a little plot twist at the end.

Thank you @thefandomdiaries07 - I played with the idea somewhat, hope you'll like it.

Disclaimer: this is not, in any way, a hate on religious belief, the reader's attitude just fit in the plot. (no offence to anyone meant here, truly)

***

Dia de los muertos.

Day of the Dead.

Despite her origin and upbringing Y/N never really felt connected to this celebration.

Remembering people who died and who she was too young to remember in the first place felt just … weird.

Of course, her mother, aunts and grandmothers got her involved in preparing the ofrenda and preached her about the importance of preparation for the souls’ arrivals but she always did it only half-heartedly, putting on a fake smile and pretending to enjoy the festivities.

But deep down she felt like a freaking hypocrite, while in fact not feeling anything.

And when her family moved to Gotham, out of all places, it got even worse. Poor girl felt conflicted, unaccepted, unsure of who she was and dealing with identity crisis, going as far as renouncing her ancestry to fit in the crowd. She was a teenager what else could you have expected.

Anyhow.

A few months passed and she got used to that god forsaken, lawless hole, keeping herself a bit away from her family, even if technically she was still living the same house. But with her struggles with ethnicity and traditions, she was a bit of a black sheep of the family, having not many true friends and spending most of the time alone,

recklessly wondering alongside the streets, pretending to be a freaking globetrotter. 

 And that was how one day she got involved with the batfamily, starting from being saved from an assault, by the Batman sidekick, Robin.

Jason Todd.

Whose name she learnt a few weeks later, having lost all the hope to see that red, green and yellow bird boy ever again.

However, surprisingly, those two clicked fast enough and even though they were technically still young  teenagers something bigger than friendship started creeping in.

He kissed her for the first time when they were 15.

And it was magical, romantic and send her into a spiral of love and dreams and worries and thoughts about future.

It was pretty much prefect for a whole year, as they somehow managed to make it work despite being forced to keep their relationship a secret from both families.

Imagine the panic that would spread in her family if they knew she was in love with a vigilante.

Imagine the panic that would spread in his family if they knew he told his identity to a girl he fell for.

That was obviously a no go.

So they kept on meeting in secret.

Almost every night she sneaked out of the house to check out on him after patrol and he was escaping Batman’s watchful gaze to have at least a few hours together alone with .

But one night changed everything.

He went to search for his biological mother.

And she should have stopped him or tell him how reckless he was being or do anything to dissuade him from this idea. Instead she laid her head on his shoulder, holding onto him tighter, kissing his lips briefly and making him promise he’d report to her the second he gets back.

A promise he never kept.

***

 “Hello? Who’s this?” she picked up her phone, blissfully unaware of the news that was about to fall upon her.

“Hey… um… is this Y/N?” an unrecognisable male voice reverberated on the other side

“Yes” she frowned “Who is this?” the girl asked again.

“My name’s Dick Grayson. I’m Jason’s older adoptive brother. We’ve never met but… I know you two were close…”

Wait. Did he just say were close?

“What – what happened…?”

The receiver fell from her hand, tears flooded her face and her heart broke in half.

***

His funeral was probably the worst day of her life, even though she couldn’t remember much more than the see of blackness, plenty of people she knew from Jason’s stories but saw for the first time and some meaningless words of consolations.

***

YEAR ONE

It had been eight months since his death and she was still grieving, unsure if the pain in her chest would ever subside or the tears would ever dry.

In that short time, she had become very close to Jason's brother, Dick, who was the perfect definition of an eldest child and had sort of taken her under his wing (pun intended). After everything with Jason and everything in between, she couldn't and didn't want to stay in Gotham, a place that was a painful reminder of the past.

Y/N took a different route every time she came across the places where they hung out or where they first kissed and where they secretly met at night and considering the fact that Gotham wasn't that big, it was slowly becoming impossible to move. And going to school and seeing couples and happy people was like a shot to the heart, making her a walking fountain almost every school break.

She felt a sudden need to get away from everything and moved to Bludhaven, where she started a new school and where Dick made sure she was safe and (as much as possible, meaning not much at all) happy.

It was October and dia de los muertos was right around the corner, of which her family was kind enough to inform her, inviting the girl to the family celebrations, and mentioning the resulting obligations of the living.

Making her angry at first.

Angry and with the sense of unfairness and stupidity of life. You’re there one second, enjoying the presence of the loved ones, and then, in another second you are just gone and it’s like you never really existed.

What was the point of life, apart from constant suffering and uncertainty of tomorrow?

 This whole celebration freaking sucked, and she was not going to celebrate the death, having loved and lost the most important person in her young life!

But…

Once she got herself into that spiral of thinking, Y/N slowly started feeling something more than annoyance at her nation’s cultural habits, overwhelming depression and lack of any motivation to move on. Maybe…

It was the first time she had someone she knew to remember. And to hope that maybe, on this special day, his soul  were walking amongst the living and watching her from the other side even if she could not do the same.

Maybe…

And if he was, maybe it was her only chance to somehow communicate with him, tell him all the words she kept hidden in her soul, that never found a way out. Perhaps from the silent beating of her heart he would feel the love that was still there, the longing, the needing and the fact that despite being gone, he wasn’t and would never be forgotten by her.

Her eyes grew wide and she jumped off the bed, gathering all the necessities and beginning her work.

***

“Y/N?” Punctual as always Dick entered the apartment, carrying the box with her favourite takeout. It was their Thursday tradition to have some good food and hang out together and he was not going to be a breaker. But he definitely did not expect to see his friend kneeling on the floor in front of something that looked like a tiny stairs, painted in red, green and yellow ending with an arch. It was decorated with something he recognised as salt, candles, water and marigold flowers. And the whole apartment smelled like lavender for some reason. “Y/N? What are you doing?” he put the food on the table, seriously concerned by her mental state.

“Oh!” she almost jumped at the sound of his voice, turning around to face him. “Hey, Dick. It’s just a little celebration.”

“Of what?” he frowned, not understanding a thing. “What is this?”

“ofrenda” she explained, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but his confused gaze made her realise that maybe not everyone were familiar with the festivity. “an offering.”

“An offering? Of what? To who? And why?”

Y/N almost rolled her eyes.

“I thought Bruce made you go the private school. Don’t you know anything about dia de los muertos?”

“I thought you were done with your national customs?”

“I was…” she sighed deeply reaching for the picture she was about to hang in her little altar. Jason, smiling, happy at some point back in time, that was never supposed to go back. She took the photo at one of their walks in the park in the autumn, with the sun shining and colourful leaves falling down from the trees. “but things have changed…” Y/N whispered, caressing Jason’s cheek on the photo, her eyes still shining with love and affection, but also tinged with sadness. “I miss him…”

“I know, Y/N. I miss that little prick too.”

“Yeah, he was a prick, wasn’t he? And an asshole, sometimes.” She chuckles as Dick sat on the floor next to her. “I bet if he’s around he’s annoyed at us bad-mouthing him.”

“If he’s around?”

“Yeah, the whole point of this day is that the souls come back to earth to visit us.”

“so it’s basically something like Halloween.”

“ more or less so. But cut the haunting part.” She smiled a little “We can’t see the deceased but we can feel them…”

“do you?”

“do I what?” Y/N frowned at his question. “Do I feel him?”

“Yeah. Sorry if it’s too soon or too bold thing to say, Y/N…”

“It’s not. It’s okay. I can’t exactly feel him, but it doesn’t mean he’s not here. We both agreed he was a prick sometimes, maybe he’s just hiding from me. Just to tease me. But that won’t stop me from calling upon him even from beyond the grave.”

She stood up and put the picture at the top stairs.

“Hey Todd, if you’re somewhere there, I’m not gonna go easy on you. See you next year, you little asshole.”

YEAR TWO

“Hey, Y/N, I dropped by decorating store and bought some things for your ofrenda this year, wanna take a look at them?”

YEAR THREE

You know, Dick, I’m not sure if Jason would appreciate us using the cape here….

“Your limiting my imagination….”

“I don’t care. I’m in charge. Remove it, now”

YEAR FOUR

 Did you make the ofrenda without me, Grayson!?

YEAR FIVE

No way in hell she was going to let Dick take charge this year. For the past four of them he was growing more and more fond of the day of the dead, starting from assisting and doing shopping ending on going behind her back in finalising his own crazy concept. And finally, the tide had changed and Y/N had to put her foot down.

“What do you mean  you want me to leave?!” Dick cried out the second she told him what punishment she chose for him “Y/N! Why?! It’s so unfair, I – “

“You hijacked my preparations last year. And two years ago. And to tell the truth, three years ago as well!”

“I didn’t – ok, fine…” he raised his hands in surrender “but you can’t blame me for that! It’s really fu-“ he stopped in the middle of the sentence.

“You wanted to say funny, didn’t you?” Y/N raised an eyebrow and Dick blushed a little. Maybe it was a bit inappropriate and unfortunate word to use.

“NO! No I wanted to say… um…” Dick was desperately searching for more accurate wording, also starting with fu, but obviously the alternatives were even worse.

“See that’s the whole point. You kind of missing the message of the day. Yes, sure, it’s supposed to be fun way to honour the dead and tame death in some way, but still it’s also supposed to be at least a little bit of an opportunity to stop for a second and think about things and people.  I really appreciate your positive attitude and it’s not like I’m kicking you out, but...”

“but you do.” Dick smirked and nodded with understanding.

“I just feel like I need to be alone for a while, ok? It’s been five years and at his point I feel like I sometimes need to focus to even remember his face without a photo. It’s all becoming a blur, lost in the joy and amusement. And I don’t want that. I want to remember.”

“Is that why you never gave any boy any chance to –“ he cut out again without really thinking what he was saying.

“Grayson… “ she trailed warningly.

“I’m out! I’m out! Don’t hit me!” he rushed towards the exit. “Just call me when it will be safe to come back, ok?”

“Got it. Now get out!” she chuckled, closing and locking the door behind her friend.

Every little word she said was true.

She wanted to remember.

She had to remember.

It was the only way to fill that little dent in her heart, that Jason left when he died. She couldn’t just let go of him, even though Dick was probably right, and after so many years she should have moved on.  But both her heart and her soul refused to do so.

Maybe you only get one chance to meet your soulmate and Y/N was close to sure that  Jason has been hers.

”It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" she whispered the quote to herself while reaching for Jason’s photo she chose for this year’s decoration, turning them over in her hands for a while, looking at the face of a 15 year old she used to know “I wonder what you would look like now. Bet you’d be even more handsome and all the girls would be jealous I got such a catch.” She laughed a little “Hope you don’t hear me now, cause god damn, that would be such an ego booster for you.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” The sudden male voice coming from behind her made her jump (almost the mirror situation to the one that occurred five years ago when Dick found her preparing the ofrenda). But this time it was not Dick standing in her apartment.

“What the actual fuck!?” she yelled taking a fighting stance she learned from Grayson, knowing it would not help her at all due to the shaking of her body at the view in front of her.

“Handsome, huh?” Jason Todd in the flesh, absolutely not dead, brushed some unruly hair from his forehead, looking at her with a playful expression

“¡Estas muerto! ¡Eres un fantasma! ¡¿Qué está pasando?! Cómo –?“ as usual when she got nervous she started using Spanish. (you’re dead! You’re a ghost! What’s going on?! How-?)

“Baby…” Jason took a step forward, hesitantly. “Baby…” he opened his arms “I;m not dead, I swear to you. I-“

She cut him off by diving into his embrace, holding him tightly, wanting to make sure that he wasn’t just a friction of her imagination and needing to feel his warmth, the beating of his heart and his breathing.

“You’re really here!” she cried out, tears falling down her cheeks like a waterfall when she nuzzled into his chest. Honestly, she didn’t need any explanation, at least not at this point. She only wanted him close, afraid that if she let go for as much as a second he would disappear again. “Swear to me this is not a dream…” she muttered, against his shirt. “Swear to me.” Her entire body shook from the shock, she felt so small in his arms, but also safe as never before. It was like after five long years she got home again, that this missing part of her heart was found, and immediately jumped into the place reserved solely for him, unrepleacable. She was whole again and that was what count.

“Baby…. Oh, my sweet girl…” Jason wrapped his arms around her, caressing her back and hair, pulling her even closer, wanting to comfort her, to give her all that love and peace she was deprived of for what felt like ages. “I’m really here. I’m here. My baby… I’m back to you.” He whispered, closing his eyes, feeling equally, if not more emotional than her. He’s been through hell but the only though that made him keep on going was her. His angel. His joy. His only source of light in the eternal darkness that seemed to surround and swallow him. His grip on her tightened and he hoped to convey all these unspoken words to her through hugs and caresses and the gentle brushing of his lips against her temples.

“I love you…” she sobbed desperately, blurting out the only thing that was on her mind at the moment. “I missed you and I love you and –“

“I know baby. I love you too. And I promise you, you’ll never have to worry about hanging my picture in your altar ever again. Ever. I’ll crawl back to you every time and not even death can stop me from being with you. ”

And they just stood there, next to something that was supposed be an tribute to not-so-dead Jason Todd, holding and hugging each other tightly, creating the little bubble only for them two and being so very happy cutting out the entire world and reality, lost in daydream that happened to be the upcoming future for two people that have loved, have lost, and luckily, have found a way back to each other.

Talking could wait.

Silence, in the company of the only person that mattered, came first.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset at how my former friends treated me?

tw: suicide and animal death

So for some context this was a very close knit friendgroup, for several years, of about 10 people, including me and my then partner. Also, everyone here is an adult.

Basically, one day I was in a really really bad place mentally. A beloved family pet was going to be put down soon, this dog had been a part of my life for almost half my life, and I was inconsolable and struggling to cope with this. During a discussion about some random interest I got too mean/harsh about it and it turned into an argument.

I know this was not justified and my grief wasn't an excuse, and I knew it then too and apologized to the people involved, and was met with overwhelming support, I was told "it's ok, we understand you're going through a rough thing right now, we're here to support you and you'll always have a place in this group"

Then my partner messaged me. They had not been part of the discussion at all, but they told me they felt hurt and wanted us to take a break. However, I misinterpreted that as a break up (combination of language barrier and me already being in shambles. This miscommunication is not something my ex can be blamed for)

This was an extremely serious relationship, we had been together for 2 years at that point and had a lot of future plans and such, so that on top of already grieving made me have a mental breakdown.

So, I vented on my personal tumblr. My vents did not mention/vague/allude to the situation at all, they amounted to "I feel terrible I can't do this anymore" and could very well have been only about my dog, or just about my depression in general. I also should point out that my ex doesn't use tumblr at all, so I didn't think he'd ever see those vents, and I certainly didn't want him to. And I also would not have reacted like that if I had known it was a temporary break. I know I still shouldn't have vented on a public blog, and it was hurtful no matter what. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time.

The next day, after our dog was put down, I sought support from my friends, but was suddenly met with "we're not impressed with how you've acted, get therapy, bye" and was kicked from the group. Several of them blocked me everywhere instantly.

Unbeknownst to me, someone had sent my vents to my ex and they had shown them to the others, and they'd drawn the conclusion that I was upset about a temporary break and was venting to try to guilt my ex into getting back with me. And not a single one of them brought this up to me. Again, we'd all been friends for several years at that point and this was literally the day after telling me I'd always be a part of the group and they were here for me. I couldn't even defend myself because no one would tell me anything, I asked many times but was told "you know what you did" even though I clearly didn't. I thought they'd all changed their minds about the previous day out of nowhere, or that this was because of (what I thought was) the breakup. I only learned what they actually thought much later. Oh, and my ex told me I needed therapy and he never wanted anything to do with me again (which is when I learned I'd been wrong about the breakup).

Again, I know me venting was harmful no matter what, so in that regard I am the asshole, but I still feel like there's a difference between what I did and deliberate manipulation, and surely people I'd been friends with for years could have spoken to me before assuming things?

So at that point I'd lost a beloved pet, my partner, and most of my close friends, within a day. So at that point I tried but failed to commit suicide, and was hospitalized.

While in the hospital, I didn't get a single word from any of my friends, except for one person. Supposedly, everyone had been "worried out of their minds" when they saw my suicide note. But not worried enough for a single word.

Even the one person who talked to me got extremely defensive and angry if I so much as implied I felt hurt by the group's actions. They even tried to hold it over my head how "despite everything you did X and Y were super worried about you" as if being worried about someone comitting suicide is some kind of heroic saint.

I asked to be allowed to talk things out with them, but was told "the others aren't comfortable associating with you", so I had to write a fucking google doc letter. I explained the situation from my perspective, apologized for my actions etc, but also made it clear that I felt hurt and didn't think their reaction was justified and that they should have at least talked to me first, and that I was very open to talking things out in person if any of them wanted to get back to me.

None of them did. Apparently they were writing a formal collective response letter to me. At which point I had enough of the silent treatment and said that if any of them had anything to say to me they could do so in person. Which made the group extremely angry because I was "silencing" them.

About three people got back to me, and all of their responses amounted to "we don't owe you an apology, our actions were justified because we thought you'd done something bad and we were just trying to protect [my ex] and the fact that you're upset about it proves you are bad" one of them compared me to their abuser.

They also said they'd been "having issues with my behavior for a long time now", I wish I could elaborate here in case it'd impact judgement, but I can't because none of them specified, and NOTHING of the sort had been brought up to me previously.

So. Again, I know I am the asshole to some extent, because regardless of my mindset me venting on my tumblr was still harmful, but I also feel like I was treated unfairly and cruelly by my former friends. AITA here?

What are these acronyms?

[reginamillls]

have some more of my OUAT 911 AU... part one here

* * *

The forest seems to move around them, the nature of its ancient depths unknown to all of them. This wasn't just an ordinary forest-

"Keep going!" Captain Gerard yells through the heavy storm. "We're not leaving until we find the Queen!"

Their group continues on, their numbers now merely seven, when at the begining of their campaign they were twenty men strong. Its disenheartening, watching thier brothers in arms get picked off one by one, but their Captain was a hardened man and he didn't allow any of them to grieve.

It sits like a rock, heavy on his chest, but Thomas pushes forward.

If they don't complete this quest, then all of their deaths will be for nothing.

"I hate it here," Salvatore grumbles under his breath. "It's been nothing since rain and darkness. My armor is rusting-"

Thomas smiles despite himself, shaking his head at his closest friend. He bumps his shoulder into Salvatore's own and gets the other man to smile. Even in the dark, Thomas can see it as a challenge.

Salvatore pushes back and for a moment they're both just young men who grew up together, finding joy when they can when their world was hard. Thomas almost laughs, but he restrains himself from doing so.

"You'll get the Captain's attention," Thomas says, and what brief joy he had falls from his face. "We both know what he's like."

Salvatore looks at him, and nods his head solemly.

They know what their Captain is like when he gets an idea in his head, stubborn to the point of being dangerous. The King sent them on this quest, to capture the Queen of the Fae so that the King could control magic. So that their country could never be in danger again.

It's the ultimate honor, to die for their King and Kingdom.

But looking around at what's left of the people Thomas had grown up with, withering away from the months of travel, shaking from the cold and jumping at their own shadows in fear-

He's starting to have his doubts.

"Come on Men!" Gerard yells. "We're so close! We can get that Fairy, put and end to this quest and come home as heroes!"

The men all cheer as much as they can, their voices carrying throughout the trees. It feels like a battle cry of sort, though Thomas doubts they would win in any fights with how exhuasted they all are.

And still, Thomas joined in their cheers.

***

The forest twists endlessly in front of them, blocking their view. Thomas swears they've been walking in circles. It feels endless.

They're tired, exhausted and in such poor spirits that even Gerard agrees they should try and camp out for the night.

They find an area where the forest is so dense, that they are covered from most of the rain, and Thomas is sent out to try and find anything dry enough to use for firewood. He gives Salvatore his sword to watch after and grabs an axe. Gerard won't let any of them go in pairs with how few of them are left.

"Come back," Salvatore says grips Thomas' forearm weakly. Thomas has noticed how he had begun to visibly shiver hours ago, and that he was hiding his coughs from the others. "Don't make me come save your bastard ass."

"I can handle myself." He promises. "I always do." Thomas smiles and sits his friend down, giving him his waterskin. Salvatore tries to push it back but Thomas is stronger and they've both been taught never to show weakness and Salvatore gives up and takes the water. "Rest. Please." Thomas urges quietly.

"Fine," Salvatore huffs. "If only so I have the strength to cary you out of this cursed forest." He gives Thomas's arm another squeeze.

Then Thomas is off.

Alone.

[youronlydarlin]

warnings: noncon/dubconish??, incest, Kylar being nasty per usual, good sibling pc, bad grammar

Kylar's probably an incest loving freak. It's been years since the terrible accident that's befallen his parents, oh, well, your parents too actually, but one thing was for sure, that none of you ever recovered from it. The mansion was never the same again, at times it was hard to even walk around, the painful memory of what was once a happy childhood collecting dust like the furniture covered in white sheets, piled in some forgotten corner of the room.

You're heartbroken, to say the least. Grieving what you've never lost, considering how you're "parents" are technically still here, but they're in the form of something that's more monster than man. Not to mention... Your brother. He's probably taking it the hardest, you think. The lil fella spending most of his days couped up in his room doing god knows what. Has he eaten..? Drank water..? What about school, how're his studies..? You worry about him, your once bright eyed little brother who always waited at the door for you, awaiting the moment you'll come home from your classes. Hugging your waist, and giving you a big grin each time, showing off his missing tooth. You'd ruffle his hair, and pinch at his cheeks, telling him that you'll have to greet ma, and pa first, then you can play together. Oh, how you've missed those times dearly. You feel as though you never treasured them enough, feels as though you should've taken each memory and put it in a chest, locked, and sealed away, till the day comes where you'd mourn them with bloodshot eyes, and trembling fingers. But till then, you have to be strong, be brave, be the person that your brother needs, you tell yourself that you owe him this..

And, oh, how Kylar loves the way you think..

His older sibling, his family, his angel..

You're the only good thing in this godforsaken world that he has left. He might not make it to heaven, but at least he has his own little slice of eden on earth. And it's all thanks to you, you, you, you. You're all he ever thinks about, your existence alone is what keeps him sane, what keeps him tied to this lonely realm. He doesn't know what he'll do without you, what wouldn't he do..?

You're so kind to him, so loving, so caring. He's convinced himself that you two are soulmates. The fact that you were born from the same womb proves that he's already shared half of his heart to you, and the whole of his soul. He's belonged to you, as much as you belonged to him. Forever, and ever, you two were fated to be together.

Kylar's a real nasty fuck, that, we all know. It's a universal fact none of us can deny, so knowing this he probably takes advantage of you, you and your sweet, loving, nature.

The horndog drugs your food probably, excusing the odd taste as him being an inexperienced cook. And you, as the most caring sibling in the world, believes him. You feel lightheaded as you do, you're halfway through your plate when you excuse yourself. Feeling bad that you couldn't even finish the food that your little brother's cooked for you. He on the other hand, doesn't seem offended at all. If anything, he encourages you to lie down, albeit on his bed. And so you do, he takes you to his room, and you have half a mind to make sense what's happening.

Kylar pushes you down on the bed, and you don't have the strength to fight him off. Closing your eyes almost as soon as your back hits the plush material of his mattress that he's layed there specifically for you.

Has a camera set at the side, filming himself defiling your body. And, this probably isn't the first time it'll happen, nor the last. At times the lil shit would spike your drink, and make you take his dick on whatever surface you land on. Sometimes he'll just plain out ask you if you could sleep together, you think he's just lonely, so you agree each time, and he uses that opportunity to fuck your thighs, sucking marks on your neck to quiet down his pathetic whimpers.

a/n: the endings kinda shitty, sorry, ran out of brain juice, and english also isn't my first language so lmk if I made any mistakes! You have a great day now, dollface..

–dolly

[mirixmoya]

hello friends welcome to GRADING TORTURED POET SOCIETY SONGS BASED ON HOW EASILY I COULD TURN THEM INTO A HAYFFIE FIC (PART TWO) i hope u enjoy.

(you can find PART ONE here, for anyone interested!)

i. the black dog: 8/10. excellent directly-post-war hayffie song. captures a moment when they haven't quite re-connected yet, but they're both dying without eachother. "my longings stay unspoken, and i may never open up the way i did for you" "six weeks of breathing clean air, i still miss the smoke" is all very them. a really effective illustration of how the world feels like a different place in heartbreak, it's desolate and aching, which is all very very hayffie.

ii. imgonnagetyouback: 9/10. this song is bananas crazy, but so is effie. so it fits. it reeks of the turbulent, on-again-off-again, boundaryless, situationship parts of hayffie. once again, i think this could be a VERY good directly-post-war vibe. "i can tell when somebody still wants me" "you'll find that you were never not mine" "even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you" are all crazy thought processes which i can 100% imagine effie having.

iii. the albatross: 7/10. i know everyone is really stuck on this being a lucy gray / katniss / snow parallel song, but i see the hayffie vision! i think it would be a good song to juxtapose all of effie's relationships with capitol men against her relationship with haymitch. how is she made to behave by love? how does her fame + position loom over her relationships? effie is mythologized by the men in her life, almost made unreal by their perceptions of her, and it's haymitch who makes her real again. if any of that makes sense.

iv. chloe or sam or sophia or marcus: 8/10. EVERYONE HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE, but i have this vision of really angsty post-canon hayffie where they try to make a proper relationship work, they really do, but they just... can't. but there is an ache to this failure. a regret. they thought that they would always be able to come back to this, to eachother, but they discover that life is actually a series of closed doors. things change over time. they're forced to grieve this past version of their relationship that they simply don't have access to anymore. "you turned me into an idea of sorts, you needed me but you needed drugs (ALCOHOL) more" "could it be enough to just float in your orbit?" "if you want to break my cold, cold heart, say you loved me" ... yeah, the angst potential is endless.

v: how did it end?: 7/10. ONCE AGAIN, excellent bones for an angsty post-canon 'well, it didn't work out' hayffie vibe. good general thg imagery with "lost the game of chance, what are the chances?" + "the empathetic hunger descends" etc etc. "we were blind to unforeseen circumstances" very very them.

vi: so high school: 5/10. i feel like i could twist it to be hayffie if i tried really hard. like maybe a post-canon movie-verse traumaless fluff vibe where everything just falls into place. "no one's ever had me, not like you" is a very good line for hayffie tho.

vii: i hate it here: 8/10. excellent potential for a pre-canon / during-canon hayffie where effie uses their relationship as her refuge from the rest of the world, it's the only place she can truly be herself. the precocious child stuff, the debutant stuff, "i'm lonely but i'm good, i'm bitter but i swear i'm fine", all feels veryyy effie. this song would also be a good framework for effie being incapable of articulating her relationship with haymitch to other people, the magic of it is lost on them, it comes out clunky and awkward. but SHE knows it's real.

viii: thanK you aIMee: 2/10. not a hayffie song. but i feel like i could make it about effie & The Other Escorts if i really tried.

ix: i look in people's windows: 6/10. listen, this album is just an post-canon hayffie gold mine. "i had died the tiniest death" (the war) "i'm afflicted by the not knowing" (her relationship with haymitch) "what if your eyes looked up and met mine, one more time" (they can try again, can't they?). the anxious, almost neurotic ruminating is very effie to me.

x. the prophecy: 10/10. THE HAYFFIE SONG! if you saw the twitter edit before it got taken down, you KNOW. "don't want money, just someone who wants my company" "i'm so afraid i've sealed by fate" ... devastating. i think the illusions to prophecy & fate & this lack of control all play into her role in The Games really well. the idea that she's being punished for her sins by this lack of love. so much of effie is controlled and precise, i think the fact that this one thing (her relationship with haymitch) is sooo out of her control would drive her insane. perhaps insane enough to beg on her knees...

xi. cassandra: 4/10. not really hayffie focused, but good potential for one of my more politically focused fics. maybe the year of the 75th, leading right up to the rebellion. cinna & portia strike me as very cassandra-coded.

xii. peter: 1/10. not hayffie. maybe seneca & effie relationship study, but def not hayffie.

xiii. the bolter: 10/10. PERFECT EFFIE SONG! NO NOTES! SHE IS THE BOLTER! a precocious child with a "quite bewitching face" who is "splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless"??? welcome back effie trinket! the chorus is very hayffie to me. i'm thinking pre-canon early affair vibes. we get all the fun contrast between her relationship with haymitch and her relationship with the capitol "trophy hunters". the bridge could not be more effie if it tried, "hearts are hers for the breaking, there's an escape in escaping". she falls through the ice (the war) but don't worry folks, she comes out alive!

xiv. robin: 0/10. i genuinely have no idea what i could do with this song. sorry.

xv. the manuscript: 3/10. potential for post-canon living-happily-ever-after hayffie but with effie reflecting on her past relationships with capitol men. there's lots of illusions to grooming and the imprint that age-gap relationships leave behind that i think could really work.

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: in the house we remain

Aziraphale buys a quiet cottage in the middle of the English countryside. It is perfect in every way: old-style, quaint, surrounded by wilderness, with a small water feature in the back and a price to rival that of any other property he's seen. He is in love from the moment he sees it. But when a mysterious set of books, all written by unknown author A.J. Crowley, appears on his book shelf, Aziraphale begins to wonder if there is perhaps more to this house than he'd originally believed. The truth can be buried, but it cannot stay hidden forever.

Length: 48,334 words

AO3 Rating: Mature / Spice Level 🔥

Best for: Mostly Safe in Public, At Home, Angst, Human AU

Triggers: Major Character Death

Read it here, fic by commodorecliche

*Minor Spoilers* It's almost frustrating that this story of Aziraphale falling in love with a ghost is one of the most gripping and beautiful stories I've read. It shouldn't work this well, it should be a crack idea. But this is such a powerful piece of fiction. It seamlessly blends romance with mystery and horror. Get your tissues, settle in, this one will haunt you.

Aziraphale has just moved to a cozy cottage in the countryside. If he's hearing things, feeling weird drafts, and noticing things out of place, well, that's just him settling in. Soon, there will be no denying the strange events, and it starts with a set of unpublished books written by an AJ Crowley. The previous, deceased, owner of the house.

This is heartbreaking. It's grief pools over everything. As Aziraphale learns more about the entity who haunts his cottage you will start to grieve as well. The way they begin to communicate was so thrilling and the softest romance. On one hand, we know they're soulmates and belong together despite any obstacle. On the other, it's a tragedy and horrifying. It's gorgeous and grotesque.

It's mostly safe in public, but an at home read for me. If you were destroyed by All of Us Strangers, I think you'll want to check this out. But mind the tags and warnings, there is graphic descriptions of death and major character death. Technically a happy ending? But that's a grey area in itself. I'd love to know how you guys feel about this ending actually

Read it here, fic by commodorecliche

P.S Spoilers under the cut because I want to scream about this story so come back once you've read this

I literally started crying when Aziraphale discovers what was tucked into the attic, the way Crowley was never appreciated as an author was so painful!! Crowley's death destroyed me!! The scene of the water splashing and Aziraphale trying to save him??? Only to come inside and see him?? THE ART???? This one has got me UNWELL.

But also what a horror! Aziraphale never experiencing a full life with Crowley, never knowing the physical touch of a person for what was it 40 years?? That's both romantic and devastating.

UGH I will never get over the scene of Aziraphale watching Adam discover his body. It made my blood run cold. And how Crowley had to watch over his decaying body as well. FUCK this one is so insanely good and how can I explain that to a normie? Hm? Yeah this human au of my blorbos falling in love even though one of them is a ghost literally had me crying screaming and throwing up and this is a normal thing for me

My views on the ending? I think I lean on the horror end of the scale. Yes they are together, but stuck watching over every new owner of the house, still never getting to experience a real life together

[heavensmockery]

A good captain goes down with his ship

And that's what I planned to do. After all this torment it only fair for me to perish. I did everything wrong.

My friend died. He had tormented, almost separated from his family. Blamed. My friend suffered.

And at some point It was my fault. I let this happen. If only I had been quiet and endured the torture. If only I had been silent. If only I didn't admit to the hurt.

/..... /

Back then I wasn't doing well. I grieved my mother's death and couldn't get over it. I wasn't really religious at the time but I still went to church every Sunday because my mother would have wanted it that way. I felt somewhat closer to her.

But I still needed additional support. I went to a self help group. Not minding that it was run by the church. We weren't really talking about the Bible but rather it was a comfort space. The pastor was chill and has been through a lot himself.

Then things changed suddenly. Replaced by the man that would later be the reason for a lot.

He's been strange, claiming to enlighten us, to release us of our pain. The Sundays were strange. He was.. weird. Bit of a god complex. But the weirdest thing was that he had an eye on me.

I was special to him. Not like the others. He needed that potential. It would "help me" he said. The others told me he was weird but at some point I felt in too deep to back out now.

And at some point..

I felt....

/......... /

It was all my fault my friend died. I was only a pawn in his game. I was it all along. I had filth. I'm full of filth. I needed to perish for that. I needed to die. God. Please let me die.

He used me for everything. He said I was the most fascinating thing. But I was only a man. Just a sad broken man.

I had everything. But I ruined everything for others. And we knew it was right. And he told me everyday that if I stepped out their life would be ruined.

That I was irrelevant

/.... F.. Finn?../

The sessions were always strange from this day on, more and more he started to preach. And then we sat down, eye to eye.

"you have anything on your mind?"

He seemed absent. Almost. Uncaring

"Yes, my mother died. She was very ill"

Silence. At some point I felt.. judged. Sinking into the seat like someone who just messed up. He didn't reply. Looked away. Wearily.

He wanted to say something. Then spoke

"Keep your good heart. This is why I am here. I've been through a lot. Betrayal. Hurt. Crisis. But I refuse to become bitter"

That's all he had to say. Then also mentioned that I should stop caring so much sometimes. That death would also be forgotten.

The next Sunday he gave a speech.

/... Finn.. Oh god.. Hey, don't do this to me. You're not allowed to leave. No.. Please.. - /

"You are only remembered in death when it's artistic, a master piece. Martyrdom. Like so many times in the Bible. That's what you should all strive for and not cry for mercy all your life. Make it. Count."

I disagreed personally. But who am I to talk back. I became his muse. And ever since he founded Ephrata, everything went down hill.

/...... Finn.. You'll be fine.. You hear me.. Just stay with me.. Okay?.. . /

He envied me. My kindness. He tried to become my friend. But I could only feel resentment. Everything is blurry. So blurry

I was only a pawn. Never special. My prayers were never heard. But I endured. He promised me enlightenment. Rewarding from the higher ones. But it never came.

The suffering never ended. And with imaginary blood on my hands

I wanted to go down.

[utilitycaster]

Is it just me or are some of the more intense Imaudna folk…kind of mirroring Imogen’s over-defensiveness of Liliana? Or at least uncritically accepting Imogen’s assessment of her, without acknowledging her “bias”? (as we are now apparently calling the characters’ family - so K-pop of us)

I’m not saying she’s a terrible mother - she’s literary moving heaven and earth for Imogen [and herself] - but she’s helping bring about what could be an apocalyptic event, on the off-chance that it could relieve them of their powers.

And I get why people wanna ignore that in favor of Imogen reuniting with her Mom and building a relationship with her. But it’s frustrating when you remember that some of the people her Mom has fucked over include Kiki and the Ashari (not just Orym) and that she’s working with a guy that allowed Trent’s abuse of Caleb, who Beau has spent years working to take down, and we still don’t know what’s happened to those two.

Again - shades of gray, and we all love villains and complicated, messy women. But it’s quite the slice of cognitive dissonance to see fandom *really* pile on Fearne’s parents for abandoning her (especially when it was only six years as far as they knew), but even after she’s party to nearly murdering Kiki, we shouldn’t be assuming the worst of Liliana?

(Just read this back and…I don’t think some these Imaudna fans are actually Marisha fans)

I don't think it's mirroring Imogen, per se. Or rather, I think this is all part of the larger trend I've touched upon for some time: there are a segment of shippers with absolutely no empathy for or generosity towards anything that interferes with the ship. Ideally, they'd like to also support Imogen and Laudna as individuals; but even then the ship comes before the characters. As you said, they're not really Marisha - or Laudna - or for that matter Imogen or Laura fans. They're fans of them playing characters who are in a relationship together.

When Imogen was upset with Laudna for breaking the gnarlrock, there was a pretty prevalent attitude of "but it wasn't LAUDNA's fault, so why is Imogen upset, that's unfair" even though the rock is still broken and it happened when it was in Laudna's possession and, frankly, had Imogen not given the rock to Laudna, she'd still have it. In retrospect this has gotten even more wild, because since then, they've leaned very far into the negative effects Imogen experiences as a result of her powers as an argument as to why she's allowed to do whatever she wants, but at the time if you pointed out Imogen found relief from the rock and is justified in having an emotional response, you were met with screams of HOW DARE YOU BE MEAN TO LAUDNA. This hypocrisy is of course tied into the lack of empathy, because said lack of empathy rests on granting infinite grace to those who support or even merely recognize the ship, no matter their other actions (eg: Otohan), and dismissing the feelings of anyone else.

When Laudna died, it was a pretty common attitude among Imogen and Laudna shippers (I would say Laudna fans, but quite honestly almost every post grieving her was just as much about the ship as the character) that Orym would have been happy to have remained dead because he was a widower. This is a horrifying mentality to have - people's partners do die young, and most people choose to continue living - and was also notably untrue based on Liam's statements both in and out of game. You'll notice that "Orym doesn't want to die and felt like this was a massive failure" on 4SD never took off, but "Orym can't be objective" on 4SD has been blown to ludicrous proportions that show a stunning lack of understanding of like...basic human emotions and their role in decision-making. Because there's no consistency except The Ship.

When the party went to Whitestone, and Percy was in fact played as someone with very complicated and layered feelings about death and dying, and who was not going to change his developed principles for a stranger, he was lambasted. The fact that Delilah Briarwood is just as responsible for his trauma - repeatedly so, she was the architect of both his family's murder and the reason why Vecna achieved godhood, she's literally why his brother-in-law is dead, the Briarwoods have been responsible for two of Vex's deaths - was completely ignored. The fact that Vex and Pike were not spiting him in the end, but rather developed a mutually acceptable plan that permitted Laudna's resurrection with a contingency plan to kill her if Delilah returned led to some pretty harsh criticism of them as well.

FCG was pretty popular among the shippers for quite some time because he wanted everyone to get along and wanted Imogen and Laudna to make up after the gnarlrock fight (note: this is also true of Ashton and Orym, both of whom as discussed have since fallen from grace because they continued to exist as characters with their own thoughts and motivation) and had a lot in common with Imogen. However, a series of things occurred that led to their fall from grace among the shippers. The first was that FCG's coin is why Orym was resurrected instead of Laudna. The second is that Shared Dream was not, in fact, intended only to let Laudna go into Imogen's dreams, but rather allowed anyone in the party to go. The third is that FCG started to find a purpose beyond "help others no matter what," particularly after realizing they had a soul and were in fact a person, and specifically began exploring religion. Religion is unpopular with Imodna shippers particularly after 3x49 and Imogen's consideration of the Vanguard, but there's also definitely a mix of obvious ex-fundamentalists who never unpacked their feelings and instead just want all their fiction to validate their new beliefs. The fourth is that FCG/FRIDA "stole" the first canon relationship spot (which also confirmed that FCG was, in fact, shippable rather than some kind of robot eunuch with nothing better to do than push Imogen and Laudna together). And so you get some really fucked statements. Like, when I say I've seen "I hope someone makes that robot eat their stupid coin" that's not exaggeration; it's pretty much verbatim. That's not a post that a person who makes any attempt to understand experiences other than their own can make in earnest, but it does make sense from the perspective of someone who has decided Imogen and Laudna's relationship is the heart of the show and is angered that five other main PCs exist and have their own interests.

Ashton occupies a truly fascinating space, in that they're oddly popular, in part because their scenes with Laudna are genuinely unmissably fantastic scenes for Laudna. It's one of the only places where Laudna takes off the mask (though she's started to with Orym too). He also overlaps with a lot of what makes Imogen popular, except it's canon where Imogen's is subtext, or it's obviously more severe (Imogen's mom left? Ashton's an orphan. Imogen's had a few headaches? Ashton has chronic pain). So they hated when he pointed out he'd been abandoned by his friends in a way Laudna hadn't (also because Ashton and Laudna's conversation in 3x49 was just far more honest than Imogen and Laudna's, and because Laudna sought them out), but they like him when he's supportive of Laudna. They're constantly on the thinnest of ice because of this and because they're a genuinely compelling character, but because of that, might get in the way of what said shippers want, namely, a hundred episodes of Imogen and Laudna sipping tea at Zhudanna's and having a lovely time.

Following Imogen considering joining the Vanguard, Orym fell out of vogue despite his previous interactions with Imogen, because he very justifiably pointed out, as I've said, that the Ruby Vanguard killed his husband and his father-in-law (whom he saw as a father figure himself), and used a toxin that ensured they couldn't be brought back. I've talked about this a ton and so I'm not going to rehash every aspect, but the fact remains that while I like Imogen's choice to do this - conflict is fun! It makes sense for her character! - it's an incredibly insensitive thing to say. (It blows Ashton's statement about loneliness out of the water, for sure; incidentally, Ashton pointing out the more general hey girl they murder everyone who disagrees did NOT sit well with the hey let's harass everyone who disagrees crowd.) And when you mix it in with the god stuff discussed regarding FCG, Orym has become the periannath non grata of choice to the point of a similar response to the gnarlrock fight - if you sympathize with him, they see it as an attack not just on Imogen but on Laudna, for...not talking about Laudna as well. This has only gotten worse with Orym firmly committing to destroying the Vanguard, to the point that there are, generously speaking, misunderstandings or misrememberings of the text, and less generously speaking, outright lies. A notable one is that Laudna begins to tap into Delilah before Orym nods (Marisha's mention of the purplish hue is at 2:52:02 in episode 3x63; Orym's nod is at 3:01:42, a solid 9+ minutes later); he supports her decision, but he is not responsible for it.

Then there's the guests. Deanna was obviously made to ask Imogen about Laudna. She's here to ask them if they're married. She's here to encourage Imogen to follow her heart. She's definitely not here to have her own active and interesting love life and personal feelings about the gods (that conflict with Imogen's) and history and perspective. Oh she's...she's calling out Imogen's nonstop use of psychic powers? She's having a three-way with Chetney and Fearne? FRIDA is hooking up with FCG and admitted their anger about the gods was mostly due to projecting their personal anger about feeling powerless and having been awoken without their consent? Uhhhhhh Deni$e was obviously made to to ask Laudna about Imogen. She's definitely not here to be a connection to Dariax and have her own active and interesting love life and personal feelings about the gods. Wait, no, maybe Bor'Dor will ask about it? Uhhhhhh *flips coin but not in an FCG way* Laudna will *rolls dice* mentor Prism and this will...make this ship happen? Oh, won't these people with their own distinct personalities and motivations who keep having conversations with Orym and Ashton and each other stop doing that and just presume that a specific one of the four other people in Bells Hells they've never met and probably don't remember the names of is married to Laudna? Won't someone stop playing their character as a fully fleshed out person whose life is entirely unaffected by Laudna and Imogen's respective love lives? Oh and then Bor'Dor did ask about the relationship, and it was because it was a weakness and he was trying to infiltrate.

Quite literally? It goes as far as the gods! Why didn't they save Laudna? To which I'd say sure, let's explore what happens if they did! Let's follow this thread! Do they just save Laudna and maybe her family and no one else? Why Laudna? Does she get saved at the expense of some other dark-haired girl in Whitestone? Or perhaps they save everyone. Perhaps the De Rolos remain in power, and Campaign 1 doesn't fucking happen I guess, and Laudna grows up, and she lives out the rest of her life in Whitestone, and she's a woman in her 50s now - maybe even married, perhaps with children - and has never been to Marquet and wouldn't know or care about some random 20-something with purple hair. Like, what are you driving at here? Maybe the gods let Laudna die because that was the only way to bring her to Imogen. Ever think of that? (alternately: how do you know they didn't? What if Laudna's undead state has to do with Vecna? You didn't specify if it was the Primes or the Betrayers, or how she gets saved; she's still living after a hanging, which some might consider a miraculous gift. What if it was the Dawnfather acting through the Sun Tree? Can you describe what you want the gods to have done and where that puts us in 843 PD or do you just say shit hoping no one will ever poke at it?) When do the gods intervene? Do they make sure nothing bad ever happens to anyone? Are mortals just dolls the gods move around with no free will?

So anyway. I don't think these feelings about Liliana are based on mirroring Imogen's thought process. I do not think there is a level of consideration that Imogen and Laudna have motivations (motivations mean they can be something other than perfect flawless victims who found each other). It is simply "Imogen wants this, Laudna will validate anything she does, and so it's correct." The party line for anything else "fuck your trauma, fuck your dead family and dead loves, fuck your own hopes and dreams and goals: you exist only to fawn over two random-ass women. It doesn't matter if they are strangers to you. It doesn't matter if you've only met one of them. It doesn't matter how they act towards you. It doesn't matter if you're one of them, if you step out of line. This is your sole purpose, and if you fail, you're not a person to me." There's absolutely no thought put into the implications of anything they say beyond "it supports the ship, or, if not, it perpetuates the blameless, perfect and thus boring frozen state of the characters."

[reverie-starlight]

hello, hope ure doing well :D may i please request an akaashi fic where the reader is going thru grief of the passing of their mother and can’t focus in class leading onto low grades for their semester exam making them feel even worse bc that’s not what their mom wants (reader always gets good grades) and reader feels like a disappointment and just breaks down one day?? i’m so sorry if this is too specific, just finding it hard to cope and no one understands!! thank you so much <3

ANON I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, but I have literally been dealing with exactly what you requested (still am, but now I'm on reading week so :P). And since I'm literally writing this immediately after a rough grieving session of my own, I feel like now I can tackle it and do it justice. bc... as someone who also used to get good grades before my mom died then started almost failing everything after... this hits hard!!

And just another little side note, I'm so sorry for your loss. if you ever want to reach out to talk to someone who's going through the same thing, my inbox or my messages are always open <3 dead mom club solidarity !! thank you so much for your request, anon and again i'm SO sorry this took so long.

{Grades and Grief- Akaashi}

warnings: death of mother (mentioned and focused on, no descriptive details), depression/grief, anxiety, this counts as hurt/comfort right? fluff and lots of support from akaashi. university life needs to be a warning tbh so its here.

gn!reader, timeskip!akaashi (except it's more like, in between the time skip cause it's university)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

your heart dropped as you opened your emails and saw that the grades for your midterms had been posted.

on one hand you were hopeful. maybe you did better than you expected? maybe you would open up the online portal and see that you passed. just a pass, that's all you were hoping for at this point.

you ignored the way your stomach twisted at the fact that all you wanted was a pass. you used to be at the top of your classes in high school, and now you were barely scraping by.

but deep down you knew it would be a failing grade. it was getting impossible to hope for anything better. you could barely find it in yourself to go to class some days, let alone actually study. it required more brain power than you could expend.

and on the days you did go to class, you felt like a zombie. mindless, lethargic, stupid. definitely not in any condition to take notes that were good enough to aid you.

you opened the email and sighed. another fail. you tried to convince yourself that you'd do better next time. that you'd start studying earlier, you'd go to your professor's office hours and ask questions, you'd do the work that needed to be done.

your future was at stake, why couldn't you just put in the the work-

this was one test in one class. there would be other chances to raise your grade.

breathe.

how many times can I keep telling myself that before I stop believing it? before it becomes an empty promise?

breathe. you'll be okay.

it's self-sabotage, how much longer can I just stay like this? mom wouldn't have wanted this for me. she'd want to see me succeed. I'm such a-

breathe.

you tried to do exactly what your boyfriend kept telling you: be kind to yourself. "you're grieving the death of someone who was supposed to be there your whole life. the one person you never thought would leave. it's completely natural to be struggling with your mental health right now. don't be mean to yourself." is what he had said. "take the time to feel what you need to feel, bottling it up will only make it worse."

you sighed and curled yourself into a ball on your bed. you were finding it hard to breathe.

feel what you need to feel, huh? when was the last time you had a good cry session, anyway?

the tightness in your chest only grew as you started to tear up. you tried to keep the thoughts of being a disappointment to your mother away, but you glanced at the picture of her smiling face on your nightstand and winced.

if she could see you know, you wondered if she would be angry or comforting.

grieving was one of the loneliest experiences anyone could ever deal with. unique to each person, not one person to share the same memories with, becoming acutely aware of your own timeline. and not something that happens often to young people. none of your friends understood. they could try, but they'd never get it. and sometimes you felt like they didn't even care enough to attempt it.

you've never felt more alone and you've never been more aware of it.

"and if you ever need comfort, I don't know how much help I'll be, but I'm always here to listen. it's never going to be too much."

so instead of dwelling on it, you picked up your phone and called the one person who would.

it took three rings for akaashi to pick up.

the smile in his voice immediately soothed you. anything related to your boyfriend felt like a blanket to you. comforting, warm and soft. "hello, my love, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

you sniffed and tried to get some words out without choking up. "keiji," his name came out pitifully.

"oh sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"can you come over, please? I need you."

"of course I can, I'll be right there. I love you."

"I love you, please be careful."

the second you hung up the phone, you let more tears fall freely. you didn't even know what you were crying about anymore, there were so many emotions mixed up inside you. but for some reason you didn't want to fully let loose while you were alone. you wanted comfort when you were at your most vulnerable- comfort and validation you weren't capable of giving yourself in that moment. there was only one other person who could give you that now.

while you waited, you thought more about your mother. it really wasn't fair that you had to lose her, why did she have to go? it didn't matter how long it had been since she passed, this type of pain will be everlasting, you thought.

ten minutes later you heard the door to your apartment unlock and you got up to greet him. he had a bunch of bags in his arms that he set down the minute he saw you walk out of your room.

he held his arms open and you crashed into him immediately. finally you felt safe enough to let the dam break. akaashi shushed you as you sobbed into his chest, rubbing your back gently and whispering soft affirmations into your ears.

"what happened, my love?"

"I- I failed another test," you hiccupped. "and I don't know what to do to help myself get out of this hole."

"oh dear... it's going to be okay."

he tenderly picked you up and carried you to the bedroom and you continued to cry into his shoulder. his heart broke at the sound of your whimpers.

once you were both settled comfortably on your bed, you took one of his hands and played with his fingers. "keiji, am I a disappointment?"

he shook his head before you could even finish speaking. "never."

"I just feel like I'm letting so many people down, myself included, but mainly my mom... her one request throughout my whole life was that I do my best in school. and now I'm failing and I can't help but think-" your voice cracked and he cupped your cheek with his other hand.

"baby, look at me. you are not a disappointment, okay? you are so far from that ever even being a possibility. and she would be so proud of you."

you looked up at him and your eyes widened. "but I'm not living up to her expectations-"

"you're doing your best. she would understand that."

"I'm not, though!" a flash of red hot anger ran through you. "I'm not doing my best! If I were doing my best, I'd be passing. I'd be studying, paying attention in my classes and not just staying in bed. not just staring at the ceiling and dissociating for hours when I need to be working on assignments. I'm not doing my best and I don't know how to fix it!" instead of getting upset at you for blowing up, he just listened to what you were saying.

as you got up to pace the room, you kept ranting. "I know something needs to change, I can't keep going on like this, but it's like I'm stuck, keiji, I don't know what to do and I'm so angry. and I'm tired, exhausted, actually. I hate this, I feel useless. I'm in limbo. I don't know why I can't force myself to change, but I'm absolutely not doing my best."

true anger wasn't an emotion you felt often before your mom died, but now you were well acquainted with it. you thanked your lucky stars you scored a partner as patient as akaashi.

"have you considered that you're doing the best with what you have right now?"

you paused and looked at him. "what?"

he shifted and took your hand. "my love, you've been through something extremely traumatic. you've told me before that you've been in survival mode for a very long time now. that's not your fault. you can't control it on your own. keeping that in mind, you absolutely are doing your best. you get up and keep going everyday. even though it scares you. you're still kind, and actively striving to be a good person. this rough patch is temporary, everything will be okay. she would be proud of you for everything you've overcome so far."

you bit your lip and looked down, shaking your head. "what if this is 'my best' forever? what if I'm not capable of changing anymore?"

"anyone is capable of change at any given time, my love, you're the one who told me that. I promise you, everything will be okay. and besides," he tugged your hand to guide you onto his lap. "the willingness to change and not just refuse to heal is there."

"but what if it takes too long?"

"it won't. there's no such thing as too long, everyone's healing process is different. and you have me by your side as well, ready to help however you need." he finished his speech with a kiss to your nose and you smiled a bit.

"...thank you, keiji. I love you."

"I love you too, dear. I'll be here as long as you'll let me."

"forever, if that's alright with you?"

"of course, my love." his arms tightened around you.

"can we stay like this for a bit longer?"

"mhmm, you've had a big day. we can cuddle for as long as you need."

you buried your face into the crook of his neck and planted a few kisses. "I love you,"

he kissed the top of your head. "I love you too, sweetheart."

you repeated the phrase over and over again, smiling a little wider each time he returned the sentiment with a kiss to your face.

"can I ask you one more thing?"

"go ahead."

"are you proud of me despite me failing so much this year?"

"I'm so proud of you, baby. nothing would ever change that."

looking up at him with wide eyes, he just smiled and leaned down to kiss your lips. "so proud of my baby. always trying their best. so sweet, so kind, just needs to be loved on a little extra sometimes. all mine."

a happy sigh was released, and with it, most of the tension in your body, so you rested against your boyfriend. "all yours."

you felt a lot better now. not perfect, and still uncertain about some things, but at least with akaashi there you knew you didn't have to go it alone.

~BONUS SCENE~

after a while of cuddling in bed, a thought hit you and you shot up, obviously in a clearer, less fuzzy state of mind.

"love, what were all those bags you had earlier? did you stop somewhere before you came?"

his eyes widened a bit and a blush spread over his cheeks. "yes and no. uh... before you called, I was actually picking us up some food and other things for a stay-in date night. I was planning on surprising you today."

you could have burst into tears again at how cute his confession was. "keijiiiii, you're so sweet!" you ran your fingers through his hair a bit and he melted into the touch. "what a sweet boy I have," you cooed.

he made a noise of protest and you giggled. "can we go see what you bought? please?"

he nodded and smiled at you. he was so glad you seemed to be in better spirits now. there wasn't anything akaashi keiji wouldn't do to see you happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this was literally just me projecting holy shit. that was really a look inside my brain, wow. but anon I hope you enjoyed it!! and I hope it was worth the wait, I'm so so so so sorry it took so long. this is the first thing I've managed to write in a while (and I wrote this all in one sitting!!). But the ask was very therapeutic for me, I really need this type of validation :'D

[cceanvvaves]

earphones; c.ty

(moved to isanggayfrog) warning: drunk-driving, swearing

My grandpa was a romantic.

He always told me stories about his late wife, my grandmother.

The stories were really cute, they seemed so happy together, and so in love.

The thing is, I don't believe in love.

Ever since my father left my mother, I always saw relationships as a chance for enemies to hold you close and crush your heart.

Alone, Mother resorted to drinking heavily. She would come home late at night, bawling her eyes out and muttering incoherent things under her breath. She would upturn tables, smash plates and scream, while my grandfather brought me to his room and told me stories to calm me down, but her actions scared me.

One night she came home late and got into an accident because of drunk-driving.

She never made it out alive.

So, I was put into the care of my grandpa. I was not very sad. I was only 7 after all, and I was just glad the screaming were over. Although I unhappy because I lost someone I was related to by blood, she was never like a mother to me. It was always grandpa who watched over me.

When she was gone, grandpa was quiet for months. He stopped telling me stories, almost as if his only purpose was to keep me alive. Even at a young age I understood he was grieving, so I let him be and distracted myself with books and music, purchasing vinyl records and playing it on grandpa's record player.

My family is fairly wealthy, so even with no one in the household working, we had enough to live.

Grandpa became somewhat cheerful again after 3 years. 3 years it took him to get used to the pain of losing his only daughter, but I was happy to have someone to talk to. I was never the talkative type at school, so I was known as 'the weird girl with a crazy mother'. I didn't mind, as long as they left me alone, which they did.

Anyway, grandpa told me stories again, but this time he always ended it with a, "You'll find your love someday too, Y/N." which greatly annoyed me. What if I didn't want to fall in love?

My favorite days were Saturdays, because he would come out of his room and dance with me. Because of him, I came to prefer slow and old-style music, which led me to discover Stephen Sanchez. Outside I was a serious student, but behind closed doors I was just a child, laughing at the littlest things.

Unfortunately, Grandfather was no longer young, and his health decreased. He tired easily, and his voice grew hoarse. One day when I delivered him porridge to eat, he laid a fragile hand on my shoulder and said, "I want to see you happy with someone, Y/N. When are you going to look for a lover?"

I calmly fixed his bedsheets before replying, "I'm not interested in love, grandpa."

"You can't live alone!"

"I have you."

"I won't be here forever."

Perhaps I had a fear of being alone, because those words triggered me.

"You still have long to live, grandpa!"

"Old age is making things difficult-"

"No! Please stay with me, I can't lose you-"

"That's why you need to find someone, Y/N! It will make it easier to cope when I'm gone-"

"Stop saying things as if you're gonna die!" I yelled, storming out of his room and grabbing my things. I headed towards the basketball court, hoping for some peace and quiet.

It seems that the universe was not on my side today, because the court was filled with sweaty, noisy teenagers, all trying to show off to the girl on the bench. I admit, she was really pretty.

Not wanting to attract attention I sat on the corner bench, away from everyone. I put on my earphones and played Ricky Montgomery's 'Mr. Loverman'.

I stayed there, humming with my eyes closed, alone in my world of music. However I was interrupted by a figure over me. Pausing the music, I raised an eyebrow at her. "Yes?"

"Were you playing 'Mr. Loverman', by any chance?"

I checked to see that my earphones were properly connected. "How did you know?

She took a seat beside me. "The tune you were humming seemed familiar."

I turned red in embarrassment. Oh gosh, she heard me singing. "I am so sorry if I bothered you-"

"No, no," she brushed it off, "you've got a beautiful voice." If possible, I blushed even further. "May I listen?" she asked, gesturing to my phone. "Yeah, sure." I said, offering her the left side. My earphones were pretty short, so we were forced together, arms touching.

"My name is Tzuyu, by the way."

"Y/N."

We spent comfortable silence together for a bit until one of the boys strutted towards us, flexing his bare, skinny arms desperately as if there was something to be proud of. "Tzu, why are you sitting next to this weirdo? Hang out with us instead." he said, pointing at his friends who waved.

"First of all," Tzuyu got to her feet, irritated because this guy cut off a really good song, "shut the fuck up, Ryan. I'm only here because m friends are busy and I've got nothing to do. Secondly, since when did I allow you to call me 'Tzu'? Lastly," she got all up to her face, and it sort of made me snicker because she was taller than him, "she is not a weirdo. It's more fun yo hang out with her than you. Now fuck off."

She sat back closer next to me, and I was quite shocked because no one has ever stood up for me before. "Did you mean that?" I whispered, eyes wide. She sent me a small smile, "Of course."

Ryan grumbled and headed back to his equally disappointed buddies. I, meanwhile, was in high spirits until I noticed it was starting to get dark. I stood up abruptly , accidentally wrenching the earphone out of Tzuyu's ear. "Sorry! I have to get home, my grandfather's probably waiting."

"Grandfather?" she asked, rubbing her ear.

"Yeah, I live with him."

"I'll walk you home."

No, it's okay, I know the way-"

"I insist," she leaned down closer to my face and added, "those guys are probably gonna follow you, they won't bother you with me around." I glanced at Ryan and his troops, who were throwing me dirty looks. Gulping, I nodded my head as a sign of agreement.

She grinned at me and grabbed my arm. "Lead the way!"

During the walk, I managed to learn a lot about her. She was Chou Tzuyu, Taiwanese, 20 years old. She had eight other friends and liked to sing. She moved here to Korea to study, and now worked at a café. In turn, I told her about myself. Kim Y/N, also 20, worked at a flower shop and lived with my grandfather because my mother was gone and my father left.

At this point we reached my house. "Thanks, Tzu. Can I call you Tzu?"

"You can even call me yours," she winked. I hit her playfully and she chuckled, putting her hands in her pockets. "Well, goodnight."

"You too. Get home safely."

She was a few meters away when I remembered something. "Hey, wait!" I called. "Can I get your number?" She smirked silently and we swapped numbers. "See you soon, Ms. Loverman."

I shook my head and made my way inside. I walked into grandpa's room with my head hung. "Hi, grandpa. I'm sorry for yelling at you and leaving-" I started to say, but he cut me off. "Who was she?"

Not expecting this response, I blinked in confusion. "Huh?" He pointed at the window. "The girl who walked you home." Oh... "Oh, her name is Tzuyu. I met her at the basketball court."

"Are you friends?" he questioned. I tilted my head. "Um, yeah, I guess. I don't know, I mean, we swapped numbers-"

"Text her. Hang out with her more."

"Umm... okay. Are you hungry?"

The next day, I called Marissa, my grandfather's caretaker for when I'm away. "I thought it's Sunday today? Where are you going, young lady?" she questioned in a motherly way. Over time, she'd somewhat grown to be a mother figure to me. "Just the basketball court, Mari, friend to meet. I'll see you soon. Bye, grandpa!" I waved.

Once I arrived at the court, I immediately spotted a tall figure. "Hey," Tzuyu grinned, showing her dimple, getting up and wrapping her hand around mine, "let's go somewhere else, yeah? Better scenery than here." I giggled and agreed. "Sure."

She brought me to the cinema. "Ey," I said jokingly, "a little too fast, don't you think? Movies already?" She punched me on the arm. "Shut up."

We watched 'Titanic'. Actually we were supposed to watch 'It', but I begged her to watch something else because I'm not really a horror fan, since I scare easily. She agreed, but she teased me the whole time. I had to restrain the urge to hit her.

And that's how we got closer. We hung out a lot. On weekdays, we met at 6, the time we were both free from work. Suddenly days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and the next thing I knew, we'd been friends for a whole year. In those 365 days, I got close to her, since she was my first actual friend. I introduced her to grandpa, and they seemed to get along fine. But I noticed something different. She had introduced me to her friends, and maybe it's because I knew her longer, but I didn't feel the same spark with the others. I talked to my grandpa about it.

"Grandpa?"

"Hmm?"

"Is it normal for me to feel closer to Tzuyu than other people?"

"Of course, you've known her longest, after all."

"But I feel.. different."

"Like how?"

"Like... like I want to... I don't know. I just... want to hold her hand and hug her, hang out a lot, talk about the future..."

"Y/N.. do you like her? Romantically?"

"I.. I don't know."

"Think about it, Y/N. I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out someday."

~~~~~~~~~~

This day was beautiful. The sun shone brightly and the birds sang cheerfully. Nice weather to take a walk outside, but I was cooped up inside the flower shop without customers to tend to. I sighed boredly before deciding to doodle secretly until someone came. I was in the middle of a decent tree sketch when I heard the bell ring, signaling someone's entrance. I pretended to be busy arranging flowers. "What can I do for you?"

"I want the prettiest flower."

"Well, that depends on your preferences." I said distractedly, not fully processing the familiar voice."

"I want you." I looked up, seeing the face I had grown to look forward to. "Tzu!" I exclaimed, rushing around the counter and threw my arms around her.

"Woah, hey!" she stumbled, surprised at the sudden gesture of affection. "I'm on day off today, thought I should visit you."

I groaned, "Good thing you did, I'm bored to death."

She chuckled. "Sucks to be you. Anyway, I wanted to ask if I could come over."

"What- come over to my house?" I spluttered.

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

"Didn't you hear? There's going to be a meteor shower tonight. I think it'll be most seen at your house." she explained, shrugging. "Well, okay." I said. "Great! I'll keep you company, then."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I closed the shop the moment the clock struck 6. "Let's go?" Tzuyu skipped ahead of me, seemingly more excited. I mean, I've always wanted to see a meteor shower, but I didn't really wish to see one. Well, I have the opportunity to now.

"Do I knock or..." Tzuyu said, pointing at the lion door knocker. "Tzuyu," I snickered, "did you knock last time?" "No, you had the... key...," she mumbled, embarrassed. "Well, anyway, grandpa wants to see you again."

I led the timid girl towards my relative's room. "Grandpa, I'm home! I brought Tzu." He answered quickly, making me shake my head amusedly, "Bring her here!" "Do I have to?" whispered my hostage. I tugged at her hand and said, "Of course, he never stopped telling me to bring you over again."

Grandpa was wide awake, peering at us with his eyes that had seen many things. He beckoned Tzuyu forward with his finger. She obeyed, bowing respectfully. "You grew well," he blurted. Tzuyu looked down shyly, staying silent. He scanned her figure and stature, his observant eyes softening. He nodded. "Grandpa! Don't intimidate her. She's fine, really." I laughed, jumping onto her back. Instinctively she caught me. "Have fun, then." he croaked, not bothering to ask what we were doing. "But no girls in the bedroom, Y/N." "Yes, yes, grandpa." I answered, my face flushed.

"What was that about?" Tzuyu wondered out loud, dragged by me to the living room.

"Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

I huffed. "Yes."

"Okay, then."

I plopped down on the rug, ignoring the perfectly comfortable armchair by the fire. Perhaps thinking it was rude to sit there, Tzuyu sat next to me. I rummaged through the collection of vinyl records. "What song do you want?"

"Huh?"

"Song."

"Umm, can we play 'Still Into You'?"

"Yes!"

I returned the records and grabbed my phone, searching it up and playing it. Waiting for 10 to come, we spent the whole time singing, dancing, snacking and listening to grandpa's stories. Tzuyu was fascinated, and while we prepared a picnic in our backyard, she pulled me aside. "Your grandpa's really fun." I held my chin up proudly. "Yes, glad you noticed." We chuckled, lying down face up with our hands under our heads.

Before we knew it, meteors started falling in the sky. "Tzuyu-ah, look!" I pointed. "Make a wish, quick!"

I closed my eyes. I thought of something to wish for, but my mind always went to the girl beside me... I wish Tzuyu would like me back.

I opened them again, looking to the side. She still had her eyes closed. "Tzu." I said softly, getting her attention. "Hmm?" her hair flipped behind her. I snickered. "What?" she demanded. "Nothing, hair flip queen." she pushed me with her foot. "Ah!" I complained jokingly, "Stinky foot."

"Heeeeyy~! I'm supposed to be the one teasing you!"

"Too bad!" I moved away from her. She went after me and pinned me to the ground. "Well, you asked for it." My eyes widened when I realized what she meant. "No! No! Don't!" But her hands had already found their way to my hips. She flexed her fingers. "Ready?"

"No!"

"Too bad!" she mocked my earlier words, then started tickling me. I squirmed underneath her, trapped between her legs and uncontrollable giggles escaping my lips. Her hands roamed my body, eager to find a ticklish spot. Finally, after seconds that felt like years, she showed me mercy and stopped. I panted tiredly. "That was totally not fair." I announced after I had caught my breath. "Don't call me 'hair flip queen' then." she shrugged. I whined. "But you are!" Tzuyu threateningly raised her hand. "Okay, okay, sorry."

We stared into each other's eyes, completely forgetting about the meteor shower in the sky. Her eyes seemed to hold more stars than the universe could ever imagine. Slowly she leaned in, making me do the same. Our lips touched, making me shiver. As her soft ones lingered on mine, the last meteor fell.

[shimmerbeasts]

MINI CHARACTER PLAYLIST Share at least five songs that remind you of your muse, or that you associate with your muse's character arc. Including lyrics is optional.

Don't Remember Me by HalaCG

Why's it so hard to breathe? Chasing down more ways to please. I'll show them all I'm stronger Not like your memories Now that I've broken free You're not someone I need Won't play nice any longer. So don't remember me.

Let's be real: Everybody who has not followed my Jinx since yesterday knew this song was going to be on my list! Back when I first started out writing this muse and looked for fan songs (as I like to do), this song just struck a chord with me. The reason, it is on my list here, is if I had to characterise my Jinx with one song, all the struggles she endured, the difficulties, she has with her sister, but also that reliance and trust she has in Silco, this would be it. Don't Remember Me is Jinx broken down in her purest form.

Start Of Something New by Ely Eira

Take a step, let our moment come We can have our escape, hey We will have all that we wanted We will be touching the sky History can no longer haunt us 'Cause right now This is the start of something new

After the end of Act Three, with Silco dead and Vi having in her mind completely abandoned her for the final time, Jinx should be at her lowest point and utterly broken. However, that is not what happens. Instead, as she blows up the Council building with the Super Mega Death Rocket, it almost seems like she is experiencing a personal moment of triumph. Even though she is grieving so many things at once (both Silco and Vi simultaneously), she also is reshaping herself in this burn-it-all-down moment. For me, Start Of Something New embodies this idea of an older and more mature Jinx. If Don't Remember Me encapsulates Jinx as a whole, then Start Of Something New is Jinx becoming the toymaker.

Shared Eyes by Blixemi

You're not who you think you are And I wish I never knew I don't want to see the irony That you hate me for being you Pushed me to walk 'neath starless skies 'Cause I'll never shine as bright As the light of your eye What good is it to even try? You'll never hear, or see, or face All the parts of you you despise Come to life Standing right 'fore your eyes in spite Reminding both of us have wished on a starless night

Strangely enough, this song in my eyes is not about Jinx and Vi - it is about Jinx and Mylo! Specifically, it is about her wrestling with whom he is post-mortem. I believe that after his death, she spent a lot of time thinking over the fact that it was his voice she could hear and him she could see. I think a lot of her earliest actions are very much motivated by proving him wrong, yet at the same time, I could easily see her feel like she has almost inherited his nature and that there is some kind of truth in his ire. At the same time, Shared Eyes also captures her regarding Mylo's love and approval as being almost unreachable. Because she cannot just purely hate him. He is still her older brother, despite the mockery, despite the insults, despite the cruelty. This contradiction of her love for her older brother with what he has done to her mental state is perfectly shown here.

Voices by Motionless In White/Bad Luck by Aviators/In My Head by NateWantsToBattle

As I walk through this valley of shadows and death I curse not the wicked, I praise not the blessed If I told you the truth you'd beg me to change If fear were a currency you'd own the bank

______

Welcome to the freak show Thought the odds were equal Roulette in my head keeps rolling on Let the bloody streets flow Nothing holds a candle To thе rapid fire of my own gun Maybe psycho Push me and you might go Ovеr in a blaze of arcane blue Stop me if I ramble I'll come take a gamble for you 'Cause you need a little bad luck baby

______

You don't know the half of it (half of it) Hands up while I take the hits (take the hits) It's something that you can't admit I fight for my life, now I'm done with your sh- Say it once, say it twice, now you're in my head Say it all a thousand times, leaving me for dead Say it once, say it twice, now you're in my head Say it at the same time, Jinx, and now you're dead

I am aware that I am cheating a bit here because I am picking three songs instead of one. However, I will count them as one as in my eyes, these songs all depict one element of Jinx extremely well: Her mania. Whereas Shared Eyes showed the complexity of what Jinx is seeing, Voices, Bad Luck and In My Head all show how these hallucinations trigger Jinx's mania and madness and what it feels like to be enraptured by this mental instability. The instrumentals of all these songs are more in the alternative rock direction and they even sound a bit disjointed and overpowering. They do not just cover how frightening living in such episodes is for Jinx, but they also capture what a danger she becomes for other people. How her mania limits her inhibitions, how it gives her an easily excitable trigger finger, how it makes her almost revel and cherish the carnage, she is causing. I have a lot more songs which capture this Jinx is dangerous when a mania episode hits vibe, but those three are probably the most crucial ones.

You're A Jinx/Everyone Else Betrays Us/Is There Anything So Endearing As a Daughter?/You're Perfect from the Arcane soundtrack

When it comes to Silco and Jinx as people, I feel like their dynamic cannot be captured in songs. Mostly because both participants are such layered and complex individuals, which creates such a convoluted dynamic that most songs, dealing with complex (read: toxic) dynamics just do not encompass it completely. Poison from Hazbin Hotel sort of fits the bill, but if we are honest, nothing captures these two better than Arcane's soundtrack, specifically the instrumentals where their leitmotifs intermingle and influence one another. The way these four instrumentals work back to back in my eyes really shows under what extraordinary circumstances, Silco found Powder and how his influence was able to anchor her, even in the most trying and difficult times. At the same time, I love how the latter two songs show that Silco did indeed love Jinx and that he loved her completely unconditionally. Again, I need to reiterate how calming Silco's leitmotif is - especially with Jinx's violin themes, which are often frantic and high-pitched. Just hearing his leitmotif weaving into hers, you can hear Jinx's madness simmer down, you can hear Silco deescalating the situation in the music! And I love how this facette appears even before tracks like Is There Anything So Undoing As A Daughter or You're Perfect. It is like the instrumental is showing that Silco had Jinx's best interest at heart even back then!

Tagged by: @piltover-sharpshooter, @ferinehuntress, @jynxd

Tagging: @moxxietude, @playgroundmonsters (Ran and Vi), @undercity-merc, @restrainedhungr, @blackrosesmatron, @demacianhcart, @weavertali, and whoever has not done this yet.