#grew up in class 3
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Something about how for YEARS I heard “oh the X-Men movies are so bad” “oh the X-Men are so lame, the avengers are way better” “oh the X-Men comics are terrible” (all real things I’ve heard before) and now I realize that was basically anti-mutant propaganda 😭
#maybe if they actually gave xmen a chance they’d get it LMAOOOO#the way I used to think this way too#I grew up on the original 3 movies but didn’t watch the prequels til last year bc everyone told me they were bad#also they are way better than the avengers#not even sorry#Xmen#x men movies#xmen days of future past#x men comics#x men 97#x men first class#xmen apocalypse#uncanny xmen#xmen comics
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Can I just bring something up about Wyll that I feel is overlooked a lot of the time? Which is that he's a little bit arrogant. He likes to boast and tell stories about his past adventures and monsters he's slain, he encourages bard song about himself. He's disappointed when the tiefling kids have heard of Karlach but not him. He does a superhero pose when he introduces himself for goodness sake!
Now don't get me wrong, he's still very much that selfless and self-sacrificing hero who wants to inspire people and wholeheartedly cares for the Sword Coast. Wyll is a good man! But that doesn't mean he's not enjoying the attention it brings. He's basically living out his childhood fantasy of being a great hero and he loves it! Despite the ugly parts of it.
People also like to see Wyll as someone who's saving himself for marriage, which I definitely can see, but as I said, he revels in the attention, and I honestly don't believe he's above spending the night with some maiden he picked up in a tavern during his travels, from time to time. In game lf you have him in your party together with Shadowheart and Lae'zel he'll openly flirt with both of them. In front of the other.
Now do I believe part of it is an act? That the Blade of Frontiers is a sort of persona he puts on to inspire bravery, or because he feels like he needs to? Yes. Does that mean it's all fake? No.
#sorry if this is nonsensical lol i wrote this on the train omw home from work#i've just been thinking about wyll#and to be clear i LIKE that he's a little bit selfish about it#i think it makes him more interesting#he's still the goodest boy for sure but he's not perfect#he also grew up upper-class and that must have some lasting effects on him#wyll ravengard#baldur's gate 3#bg3
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[Image description: A digital drawing based on María Álvarez from the film María, llena eres de gracia. There is a dull red border around the piece. Maria's face is only visible in a small square near the left corner of the border, looking off to the side with her hair messily drooping onto her face. Her mouth is open to show a sliver of her teeth, but her expression is unclear. This square is situated above a drawing of Mary - mother of God - but the angle is off and the elements don't align perfectly. Mary - who has a hand placed over her heart - is drawn with a blue, hooded robe atop a long-sleeved red shirt with a gold trim. She's wearing a doubled-up pearl necklace, which resembles the halo that is around both of their heads. This halo is made up of white, wrapped-up pellets of drugs. The background for Mary is a blue colour while María's is purple. On the border, the phrase "nombres/given name" (which is usually present on Colombian passports) is written, and below the border, in a larger text, it says "llena eres de gracia". The lineart is a thin, invariable, and dark blue.]
Inktober - Day 7 (Passport)
Film - María, llena eres de gracia (Joshua Marston, 2004)
#inktober#inktober 2024#maría llena eres de gracia#maría llena eres de gracia fanart#maría álvarez#maría álvarez fanart#maria full of grace#maria full of grace fanart#digital art#this was the film i studied at a level spanish so tbh i couldnt weigh in on the true merit of it#like i enjoyed it and i thought on rewatch all of the symbolism is very rich#and maria is a brilliant character (blanca also grew on me in rewatching it which was controversial in my class)#so i would say worth a watch defo but i gen have no idea how it would be recieved outside of how i studied it#brilliant performance for defo tho#song of the day is heaven up here by echo and the bunnymen <3#(the first and only band so far ive seen live so very very good#i love the way mac sings in this song i love fun and interesting delivery in music
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some thoughts about jade leech as a stalker.
(cw: yandere, nsfw, stalking, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, obsession, mentions of death/strangulation)
Jade does not love often. In fact, he has a rather small supply of love, which is reserved for his hobbies and family, so when he loves something other than those two things it can only mean trouble. When Floyd has something special and doesn’t share... Well, naturally Jade’s going to want it. He’s never been inherently greedy. Rather, he’s always let Floyd have everything: the larger half of a bluefin tuna, the shinier stone, the bigger seashells, the slice of cake with more frosting, his uniforms whenever Floyd’s were dirtied or damaged. And in return Floyd has, for the most part, shared his things with Jade. This has always been their normal.
But this time Floyd makes no mention of sharing when it comes to you. In the past, when they were particularly interested in someone, they would share them. Or, in other words, torment that person in equal succession. Azul has been their prime target for years now, and it doesn’t look like either of them will stop their relentless pursuit in seeing how fast they can get Azul to grouse or groan or sigh. You might think they live to see Azul’s misery, but truthfully they want to accompany Azul as he carves misery into the hearts of the poor, unfortunate souls who thought it wise to do business with deep-sea beasts. Teasing him is just a bonus.
When it comes to you, Floyd is his usual authentic self: blunt and honest to a fault, dangerously so. But that’s what makes his twin so fun. Floyd won’t sugarcoat the obvious. If he dislikes you, he’ll make it known. Jade, on the other hand, will speak syrupy sweet lies in an effort to maintain proper goodwill, even if he detests you. You’ve never really interested Jade, so he can’t say he hates you. But he can’t say he loves you either. To him, you are just a powerless human in a habitat that does not suit you. Really, even with all of the tricks and traps you pulled to beat Azul at his own game, you remained boring to him. He didn’t pay you much mind after everything had been resolved and you’d been free to return to Ramshackle. That should have been the end of his story with you.
But then, some time later, you start to make frequent appearances at the lounge. It doesn’t take Jade long to learn that you only show up when Floyd’s on shift, and it also doesn’t take him long to theorize that you might have fallen for his brother’s unique charms. It’s sweet, in a way, how Floyd lights up when he sees you, how you smile a little more brightly when he speaks to you, how your laughter is so very buoyant when Floyd lifts you into the air and spins you happily. Jade’s content to watch from the sidelines, pleased to know that his brother has found a friend in you. That might make it easier to trick you into a contract.
He’s so set in this way of thinking, only viewing you as a pawn or a stepping stone towards some bigger end goal. But when Floyd brings you back to the dorm and you become more than a constant in Jade’s life, he starts to wonder what makes you so special. What is it about you that has his brother so enamored? What makes you irresistible? What parts of you are appealing? Jade thinks it might be how quick it is you submit when Floyd’s got you pinned into the mattress, face first, rough hands spreading your thighs apart, so he can sink into you more easily. Floyd likes that; he likes the weak things that crumble under him. He likes to push things to breaking. He likes to mark and bite and bloody and bruise and shred.
Jade likes to fix. He likes to mend, and then break, and then mend all over again. He likes the process, the psychological science behind a simple gesture, much like how he takes great pleasure in playing god over the plants in his terrariums. They say a budding serial killer starts small—with animals like rabbits or squirrels or cats. Jade starts with plants. He’ll put them in stressful environments—in soils with nutrients that don’t quite work—and he’ll watch them wilt, mottle, mold, and decay. He’ll watch them struggle to adapt, he’ll watch them yearn for water or sunlight, and only when he’s certain they’ve had enough he’ll give them proper, healthy care. It’s fun, the way he has so much control over something as dynamic as a plant. But plants cannot protest, cannot fight back, cannot act in the same way humans do.
But it’s quite satisfying to pluck dried petals from a withered flower, almost like a morbid game of effeuiller la marguerite, and not hear a single scream.
So Jade is fully expecting Floyd to tire of you, to break you enough until boredom sinks its fangs into him and he moves on with his life. And what Floyd breaks Jade fixes, so he’s very ready to glue your heart together when Floyd shatters it. He’s ready to offer a handkerchief and his ear should you need to vent. He’s already prepared his speech: “I must apologize on behalf of Floyd. You know very well how he gets. If I can be of assistance in any way, please let me know.”
Unfortunately, you remain intact. Months pass, Floyd continues to love you, and your relationship unfolds like a lotus in early morning. Jade continues to observe. Floyd has never been one for privacy, so he’s seen every kiss, every bite, every inch of exposed skin. Hell, he’s sat at his desk and tallied Mostro Lounge’s monthly expenses while Floyd fucked you dumb on the other side of the room. He’s even made eye contact with you when you happened to gaze his way while his twin was buried balls-deep in that tight hole of yours. He wonders what goes on in that head of yours. Perhaps there’s nothing substantial within. Floyd’s scrambled your brains enough, so you could just be useless now. Though that wouldn’t be very fun, would it? He knows there’s more to you than you let on, especially when you play top and take every inch of Floyd, riding him so skillfully, and all Floyd can do is dig his fingers into your hips to guide you along to the rough, erratic pace the both of you have set.
Jade watches fondly from the shadows. Floyd likes to have access to your neck and shoulders; he likes to take you from behind while leaning down to bite into soft flesh. But Jade thinks it would be much nicer to gaze upon your face, to kiss salt from your eyes, to pepper your jawline with tiny pecks, all while peering into eyes that house a beautiful soul. He thinks it would be nice to hold you down, have your legs wrapped around his waist or thrown up onto his shoulders, while he bottoms out. If it were Jade, he’d take you in every position, but he’d find the most pleasure in eye contact. There’s something intimate about it, much like how there’s intimacy in the hands that wrap around a throat. You have to be close to someone when you’re restricting their airflow; you have to squeeze until veins pop, until your hands are sore, until your fingernails have burrowed so deeply into skin that the crescent moons color crimson. It takes minutes to strangle someone, and every minute is spent staring into the wide, terrified eyes of a desperate soul on the verge of death.
Jade likes the way you smell, the way you speak, the way you laugh, the way you are, in every meaning of the word, so very filled with life. Even down to the way you breathe and gasp and moan and cry, you are life itself. Jade wants to bottle that for himself—pluck you from Floyd’s flower pot and place you in a terrarium with the most potent elements just to see how long you’d fare. He wants to save you from those same conditions, sandwich your face between gloved hands when he’s kneeled to your lowered height, and whisper about how it’s okay, about how you’re safe, about how he’d never truly hurt you. Jade knows that loving someone is a very special thing, but the way he loves you is not quite pleasant. The love he has for his hobbies and family is natural. Normal. Simplistic and familial.
The love he has for you is murderous and frightening. Some days he looks at you like you’re prey he’s not yet devoured. Like you’re to be his first victim.
Jade starts small. He takes tiny trinkets—a keychain, a pencil, an accessory. He stores these in a shoe box under his bed. When Floyd brings you over and clothes are cast aside, he swipes your undergarments for himself. He won’t wash them until he absolutely must. He’ll have the soft fabric wrapped around his dick later that same evening when Floyd’s fallen asleep and he’s up late contemplating love and lust and life and death, and he’ll cum to the thought of you. Sweet, adorable, oblivious you.
He’s what one would call a persistence predator—a hunter who gradually wears his prey down over time. He takes from you, watches you, listens to you fret about missing things to Floyd, who promises to find the bastard who’s messing with you and squeeze them until they’re blue and purple. Jade smiles at that. Floyd wouldn’t really do that to him. Sure, they’ve hit each other when they’ve fought and roughhoused on occasion, but the punches were never truly meant. Sure, they might have been thrown playfully or angrily, but they were all temporary bouts of strength. Floyd wouldn’t truly hurt him, so to hear these determined promises and to see how you relax around him... It’s really cute. Jade wonders how much more he can take from you.
And he wonders how much more you can take before you’re splintering.
Really, you got lucky that Floyd picked you first. He’s far more merciful. Far more sweeter. Far more loving. At least Floyd is honest with his (at times) rough nature. At least he makes it known that he wants to bite you until you’re bleeding. But Floyd can’t stand whining. He hates it when people cry about things he can’t bother to care about, and lately you’ve been whining about this stalker you think you have for weeks now. Floyd’s told you you’re just being a scared shrimpy—that there is no stalker, that you’re probably just misplacing or losing these items, that none of them really matter because they’re replaceable.
Jade gets lucky when Floyd finally washes his hands of you, officially fed up with your whining. And what Floyd damages Jade fixes. So when you’re in tears, distraught over the break-up and your missing items and your stalker and the fact that the door to Ramshackle was left unlocked again and that you feel like someone’s living in your shadow, Jade arrives to rescue you from your fear. You don’t even hesitate to cling to him and cry, spilling your worries in waterfalls. Perhaps it’s because he’s a familiar face. He is a reflection of Floyd, after all.
“Oh dear,” he’ll whisper, stroking your back, allowing you to bury your face in his chest and sob. “There, there.”
You can’t see his expression, but there is a smile spreading on his lips. And his eyes are alight with cruel glee.
“Would it make you feel better if someone accompanied you to your classes?” Your feeble nod is all he needs. “In that case, shall I spend a few days at Ramshackle with you? I’m certain whoever’s pursuing you won’t get very far if I’m around.”
And he’s right. Your stalker never takes anything again. They never leave the front door unlocked. They never trail behind you, taking shelter in your shadow. That’s because he’s your stalker, though you never managed to figure that out, and this time he doesn’t have to dwell in shadows or on the sidelines. This time he can stand before you as a friend, a soon-to-be lover, and perhaps a lifelong mate.
Jade does not love often, but when he does it is as beautifully painful as tearing the wings from butterflies.
#meraki mumbles#yandere twst#n/sfw#i think my favorite thing about writing yandere jade is how brutal and remorseless he can be#it's probably because he grew up in the harsh environment of the sea#which would naturally harden anyone and make them more predatory than a prey#it's probably also why he (and floyd and azul) see nothing wrong with murder#yes it's morally wrong and very much illegal#but in the ocean it's eat or be eaten and really do you think jade is going to let some other predator snap his darling up? :)#challenge: write one yan jade thought without it spiraling into a thought about his murderous rizz#challenge failed </3 he is a walking danger you cannot tell me he wouldn't think of the most horrifying things when it comes to darling#more jade thoughts!!! consider an artist (painter/sculpter/etc) jade who is absolutely obsessed with you (the nude model from his art class)#because you're the one who has finally inspired him and broken his months-long artist's block#and also because he'd like to paint you in the most vicious red#or jade who has broken into your home and is living there in secret without you knowing#sometimes he sleeps under your bed just to hear your steady breaths#he never rearranges anything in your house but he does do the dishes or clean up messes you've made#you can never remember if or when you cleaned these things but you never think much of it#jade stands at your bedside when you sleep at night and he watches you#you'll happen to wake and you'll spot him but by the time you've scrambled to wake up and turn the lights on he'll already be gone#so you're left to wonder if he was ever there in the first place or if you were still dreaming#he is the terror that you will never see until it's too late
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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit
i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.
i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.
this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them
#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist#but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all#those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit#like TENFOLD now#it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode#plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always#the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn#it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself#this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry#this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past#this is another reason I fucking hate florida#because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment#and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid#and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again#tw vent post#tw racism#tw past racism#but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again#fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun
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i had another devastating thought about the nature of matches and murphys relationship - specifically what i means to raise a child when you know nothing about their parent.
like he doesnt actually know matches?? he has no stories to tell, no memories to share, he doesn't even know if she was allergic to anything or what her favourite colour was. kirby's going to ask about her mum one day and murphy will have nothing but the smell of smoke and blood, and regret like a hand around his throat.
"She stood for what she believed in. She was stubborn and fierce and never let anything keep her down for too long."
god he'd be sitting in his living room with this random fucking kid, haunted by two ghosts - bc Ronnie would've known what to do, and Matches never should have died. and they're both dead because of him.
"She loved you."
#more from the vault (mine and ghosts dm's)#so for anyone new here bc im terrible about actually posting things#ronnie is one of murphy's childhood best friends. he; pj and ronnie all grew up together#ronnie wanted to be a teacher. he left the vigilantism to pj and murphy and he spent his spare time giving lessons to the street kids#and tutoring their classmates#that how he knew matches - bc he was helping her pass two of her classes#ronnie died completely by accident. there was nothing either pj or murphy could have done but murphy still blames himself#and matches was only involved in the fight that killed her bc murphy needed her expertise#so eventhough shes a grown ass woman who can make her own decisions he blames himself for her death too#AND THEY BOTH HAUNT HIM#i love murphy he's my favourite#hes so pretty and competent and clever and weird. i HAD to fuck him up a bit#so he falls in love with unattainable people bc its safer than being genuinely vulnerable#and he lives with guilt around his neck like a noose#<3#murphy carraway#matchstick (crime lord)
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A new house went up for sale on my block for an insane price, which got me looking at other houses for sale in my area and has left me with a genuine question:
In houses that have like, 3bed 4bath -- who is using the fourth full bathroom???
#im a sensible midwesterner who grew up middle class#so imo a reasonable house for most situations is 3bed 2bath#or 2.5bath#so many houses i'm seeing for sale have 3 beds and 4+ bathrooms#Who Is Using All These Bathrooms#can people not share???#obviously scale up for larger families but the more bathrooms than bedrooms question still stands
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genuinely kind of terrified as to what will happen to me when i see bare live in three (three!!!!!!!!) days. i will either go fully insane or transcend mortality or perhaps both. either way i will most likely end up full weeping.
#going to see bare with my mother will be on par with seeing deh with her in regards to our [gestures vaguely] relationship#we will hold hands. we will cry. we will have emotionally intense conversations on the walk back to the hotel.#but guys. i genuinely tried to listen to a clip of just an instrumental from the show and teared up.#bare is just. Such a big part of who i am. i literally wouldn't be anything like i am today without it and the people it brought me.#and i laugh and joke but this is Such a full circle moment for tvp nation.#like i am currently about to self-produce a workshop of my play that has professional theatre companies interested.#and all of that started from writing a silly little show about bare when i was 14 to make cool people online laugh.#and since then the plot of bare (peter's version) Has Happened To Me Twice but i have been so so brave about it#i haven't listened to the full soundtrack since last year and i've been going cold turkey in Anticipation#i just Know my ***** is going to have the most insane reactions on it.#god. it's so crazy to me. what if you were gay and catholic and an angsty pop rock punk opera teen and you grew up to be happy.#anyways. in my feels. going to have lunch and listen to bway breakdown before class.#BECAUSE I GO TO A CLASS NOW!!! EXCITING!!! it's for writing and marketing stuff :) which is super helpful and fun#anyways haven't done a tumblr rant in a while. miss you guys in my phone <3 if you're reading this i love you forever mwah
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*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
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*doesn’t draw
“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that they’re ”trying to fix#their sleep schedule ~”#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with ”just one more video”#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I don’t think I’m depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no one’s home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasn’t about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesn’t know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Pete’s sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all like”I can’t reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take place”#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
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Awwwww look at the silly….wait hold on there’s one more
And there’s nothing you can do about it!!!!
#If my handwriting is ALSO incomprehensible it says “will face incomprehensible horrors <3”#I doodled her in my math class (where I had coincidentally just finished up reading IHNMAIMS) and grew so attached to her existence#I haven’t decided on a name though….any ideas?#S.K draws#S.K brain dumps#Also YES I HAVVVEEE to draw her in this style and this style alone….fuck you
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re: the american education system showing high school children their "dead" peers in an effort to lessen teenage drunk driving after prom,
the suing part is one hundred percent true but several parents (including my mom <3) threatened to personally beat the ass of the principal at the time
#i'm small town they all grew up together#when my brother graduated i had just finished seventh grade#and my mom walked up to my brother's now former principal and was like alright henry you have a year#you have a year where you have none of my children in your school. i recommend getting your shit together in the mean time#and the high school had a different principal when i hit ninth grade#mer rambles#the new principal was lisa and we already had beef though thankfully my mother and grandmother were not involved#i got dress coded a lot bc wearing a belt was part of the dress code and i did not own one and had no interesting in procuring one#because i'm autistic and belts fucking suck#but every time i got dress coded teachers would send me directly to the principal bc i had an attitude problem you know how it is#and i'd walk in and lisa would be like “belt again?” and i'd be like “yeah :) how are my grades doing :)”#bc the first time i got sent directly to her i told her to pull up my grades and tell me that a belt mattered to my education#and she would just tell me to go back to class beltless#i was in... sixth or seventh grade at the time?#then lisa moved to the high school my first two years and then became superintendent#during the senior pep rally i was leaving the rally to go to my favorite teacher's classroom bc it was loud#and lisa and one of the other school board members were in the hall bc it was an Event#and they're like Where Are You Going Get Back In There and i was like well lisa i still have anxiety attacks so i'm gonna go be somewhere#else. is that alright with you? and she just waved me off :) <3#i'm a nuisance to any and all authority figures
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it's so fun when the people who took everything from you claim to be the real victims. like, y'all want to dump a years-long friendship in a dumpster fire just cause you're in a romantic relationship and that's the only thing that matters to you, go fucking ahead. but don't pretend to be the victim when you were the one who destroyed it.
you don't get to take literally everything from me and claim that you were the real victim when the only thing you didn't take was the skin off my bones.
#sunbun speaks#i keep having nightmares/memories of the 3-ish people who literally left me with nothing but the clothes on my back#and kept asking for more because it wasn't enough#or the fact that every single one of them basically turned into whoever their partner wanted them to be and would ditch their own parents#if their partner told them they didn't like them anymore#using me as a scapegoat whenever they had negative feelings and accuse me of being the source instead of a voice of reason#or just straight up getting pissed at me when i wasn't going to play their toxic game#and by the end of it all i had nothing: no clothes or any of my stuff no money nowhere to go and no friends#they destroyed my life while i was barely a blip in theirs#people who grew up with wealthy parents are fucking pricks#because yeah that's another thing they all had in common other than being codependent af: they all grew up with upper-middle class parents#they just took and took and took and tossed me aside#cause btw it's really hard to get back a lifetimes worth of stuff in only a few years with no money#i still remember everything they took from me and not just material possessions#and in the end they wanted me to apologize to them for being inadequate in filling my role as emotional punching bag#only for none of them to feel any remorse and get mad at me for implying they did anything that i didn't deserve#even looking at my life now i only have my partner and my kids#as much as i try i can't fix the fact that I'm autistic which means i will always struggle with human interaction#so it's not like it's easy to make friends#especially not friends who don't religiously devote themselves at the alter of toxic monogamy and view anyone else as 'extra' and disposable#in a matter of three years those three people took everything from me and despite it being 6 years later i am STILL recovering what i lost#how can you destroy someone's life who never did anything to you and still consider yourself the victim
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also worth saying that this is driving me to writing thg fanfic bc I'm genuinely pissed off, but my favourite way of engaging with thg isn't even with canon characters at this point. it's through thinking about two ocs I've had for years that I mentally refer to as "toxic fishermen yuri", and I'm incapable of writing extensively abt anything related to thg that doesn't involve them lol
#toxic fishermen yuri is like:#what if we were childhood friends who grew up together in our working class neighbourhood and knew each other in a way no one else ever wil#but you were being indoctrinated into thinking that our evil fascist government and their child murder competition were actually cool#and that you should totally volunteer for them one day. and even though I unlike you am immune to propaganda I can't abandon you#I'll never abandon you. you're the only person who has ever truly known me and I'm the only person who has ever really known you#so even after you volunteer and I watch you become twisted into something I KNOW you're not and you come back as ghost of your former self#with blood on your hands and a dead look in your eyes I'm still here. I'll always be here. I promise.#even when I become more and more deeply involved in a plot against our government and you become more and more entertwined with it#and I watch you be used and abused by it even as you claim you owe everything to them. and so many ppl I know claim you're a collaborator#a capitol loyalist and a traitor I know you're not. I know you. you had good intentions and did what you thought was right#I know you're just scared. I know you just want to protect people and you're just trapped in a web of you're own making#and given the opportunity? I know you'd take a way out. I know you'd do the right thing. I dont care what you or anyone else thinks.#I'm still here. I can't abandon you even if I wanted to. and I know you won't abandon me#and also we were both girls#anyway. they make me unwell </3 I love toxic homoerotic friendships. I literally can't talk about them or I just. do what you see above#I go completely insane and I know literally no one else will care lol#op
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told my french dad my favourite f1 driver was from Monaco and he went on a whole rant at me abt the evils of tax evasion :(
#trust me the french hate Monaco sO BAD miraculous actually that Charles is so popular in France speaks for itself rly sndndndkfkf#tbf my dad is a U.K.-us dual citizen but he’s been living in France for a very very long time so#it’s just so funny bc ALL my french friends are like. terrible place ugly tax evasion fake country etc etc#but then they’ll be like aw Charles <3 it’s not his fault <3#personally I think he should move to a country with tax I think it would be very funny#or become a french citizen and have to file tax returns no matter where he lives#and french tax returns class Monaco as France LOL#like remember kpop chenle who was like ‘what’s rent’ bc he grew up so privileged ?#I imagine that’s how Charles is with tax
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me 4 hours ago: I will simply wrap up summer and then go to bed :]
the little devil who lives in my savefile: You should do the first day of fall too so that you dont forget the layout you have planned
me:This is true...
me 4 hours later covered in blood visibly shaken:
#day 8 give it up for day 8.. im forcibly stopping ymself bc my girl literally goes to work in an hour LMAOOO. BYE#IT JUST. ill be like#ok just until fall. ok just until ive got the crops planted. ok just until the first big cranberry harvest. ok just until i start building#the barn. ok just until i get this house upgrade. Ok just until i finish the vault bundles#my cranberries just grew today b4 i quit u see.. woke up 2 check#its also a good luck day AND ive got cave fruits so thats exciting.#im expecting ROUGHLY 32k? unsure.. with luck bonus hopefully itll be way more devious#ooo i wnna keep playing but i shant i shant its bedtime im so tired i NEED to stop.#tmrw thouh..#OH ALSO i finished my world govt :] and us gov is a half credit so its short#so im gonna try n bust that out tmrw#and then i never have to look at todd fuckign edmond ever again#speaking of i should text mein mama... so she cn get me enrolled in the last 3 classes i need
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Ok so we know youre not succession rich but what do you consdier middle class to be?
whose asking. who the fuck is we.
#jk jk anon#middle class as in i grew up with everything I needed comfortably but bc i have 3 siblings i wasnt getting expensive bday gifts or#going on expensive trips.#i had to pay for the majority of my own school my parents only helped a smidge the first year & im in student debt for the next 7 years <3#all my siblings and me worked throughout highschool to afford anything related to hobbies i.e. video games concert tickets.#also note i grew up in a rural area in canada so its blue collar middle class where wealth is shown off by number of 4x4s and big trucks#i wish i was a nepo baby tho. so bad.#i asked my mom for $100 to cover half a bruce springsteen ticket for a bday present and she said no too expensive.#yet is paying a hefty chunk for my older brothers wedding. my mom is a school librarian and my dad has his own small business.#sorry for giving my life story im so overtired.#idek who cares. this is stream of consciousness now.#if youre still reading hi i hope you find $100 on the sidewalk#asks
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