#great potato war

[black-berryies]

So I watched the great potato war for the first time

[themuddypig]

Was delighted to hear a quick Technoblade reference in Calvin’s newest video.

BTW, The Kid and I have been watching Calvin’s horror Minecraft series “The Fog” and it’s spectacular. So glad to see Calvin thriving. If you don’t mind jumpscares go watch it - it’s pretty fun.

Transcript: “oh my god! Look at all my potates! How many potatoes does one man need? I mean, Techno already showed us how many one man can achieve, but how many does one man NEED??”

[poorlydrawnmcyt]

4 years ago today holy shittt happy birthday to the great potato war o7

[elq-uackity]

life on the farm (date: january 2023)

[dork-a-doodle]

Rewatched the Potato War Trilogy and this is the vibe like 80% of the time

[sardonic-the-writer]

—the great potato war

SUMMARY | nobody cared about potatoes. nobody at all. well, except for you and your neighbor, who's pink hair and pig skull never failed to catch your attention. it was about time you approached him

PAIRING | technoblade x reader

REQUESTED | no

WORD COUNT | 1.8k+

WARNINGS | none

AUTHORS NOTES | some nice healthy platonic fun times with our boy techno. ive been binging his channel as of late

🥔 Masterlist 🥔 Navigation 🥔 Rules 🥔

Sitting on his knees in an uncomfortable kneeling position, Technoblade felt a trickle of cold sweat work its way down the back of his neck. He could feel the sun beating down from above, its relentless rays doing nothing for his sweaty skin.

Wiping a gloved hand along his forehead line, Techno looked up from his work. The man's fingers and palms were stained with dirt splotches and grass marks. His pink hair had been tied back and tossed in between the back of his shoulder blades with ease, a sturdy hair band keeping it in one bunch.

Technoblade stood up to his full height. He could practically feel his spine elongating already; a few sharp pops even rang out from his tired joints to audibly show how hard he had been working. Although, as he looked out upon the sight in front of him, Techno couldn't help but think that it was all worth it.

Hundreds and hundreds of harvested potato lines laid in front of him with a barren look. Remnants and scraps of the former vegetation littered the scorched ground. Brown spots and dried up greens were what were left of the hybrid's hours of heavy work.

With a haughty grin, Techno walked off his elaborate plot of land. It took a minute too, seeing as he had a ginormous five acres to show for it.

“That’ll put me ahead.” He grinned, taking off the worn leather gloves he had been wearing to garden. In an almost comical manor, he rubbed his hands together like a film villain painted in black and white, smiling.

From the comfort of his secluded property, getting to the hub was easy enough. Just a small stroll on an obscure dirt path and he was in a familiar looking village.

Each time he passed the threshold from lush forest to dusty village, Techno could always feel the strain in his muscles as he tightened them, a feeling of discomfort washing over him in small waves. It wasn't as if he didn't ever like visiting the place. The collection of small wooden houses and abundancy of vendor stands were more than useful in tasks such as expanding his farm and gathering materials. It was the stares he was less than partial to.

Eyes filled with fear and wonder alike followed Techno as he walked stiffly around the place. He should have been used to this by now, more than aware of the titles he had collected over the years. Blood God, the Blade, even the occasional call of potato man was tossed in his direction. The last one made him want to laugh the most, if he was being honest.

The pinkette didn't blame people for staring. He was more or less a myth taken form to them. A pink haired warrior hiding behind a pigs skull, often seen buying the materials needed to reap all kinds of vegetables. In all his years living just a few miles away from the public, the only locals he had ever spoken to were the sellers. Maybe an occasional traveler, interested in what the rest of the world was doing now that he had left it—despite the fact he had vowed he would never return to the life he had been leading before. No. He was much more content growing crops than watering the fields of battle with blood. So yeah, not exactly the type people around here were used to seeing.

"Alright. It was about time I met the asshole that insist on making my life a living hell."

Techno's swift movements stopped in the middle of the sidewalk he had been steadily moving along; an admirable feat from whoever had just caught his attention—something that didn't happen often.

His sharp gaze was hidden behind the bone white skull he insisted on wearing so much, sweeping around until it eventually landed on the source of his brief pause.

It was someone short. Well, at least shorter than him, which was normal for about everyone he had ever met—save for a teenage enderman hybrid he had used to know.

Skimming over the height difference, the second thing that caught his attention were their hands. They were almost as dirty as his, if not dirtier. Even through the grit and grime he could see a few hardened callouses dotting their skin. A detail that almost made Techno tilt his head with mild curiosity. Almost.

Thirdly was their stare. It was scarily memorable of the very same one he saw each time he looked in the mirror. Determined, with layers and layers of vast emotions underneath it.

The stranger approached him, hands in pockets as they bit at the inside of their cheek. Looking far more comfortable than anyone else would have in approaching the infamous piglin hybrid.

"Do I know you." Techno's voice was monotone. Flat. Less than a question, and more of a not so subtle way of getting them to leave him alone. It didn't work.

"Nope! Pretty rude of you, considering we've been neighbors for about half a year now. But I'll let it slide." The carefree tone and amused smile contradicted what should have been the hostility in their words. Their sentences were certainty set up to be directed at him with a different emotion if they so much as pleased. But Techno knew how to read people, be it common folk or kings sitting high above him on a throne as they lied about their sins. And this person before him certainty had no intent to do anything beyond chat.

For some reason that confused him more than anything else.

"I don' have any neighbors." His voice was clear. Slightly raising it for the sake of the people around them doing a poor job of eavesdropping; a silent call to get moving. To which the small crowd immediately did.

"Maybe so you think. But tell that to me and my house I've been living in for six months. If you ever bothered to visit anywhere other than this shithole or your huge ass garden you would know that."

They knew about his garden, along with his traveling habits. If they were telling the truth about being his neighbor, that would be less of a concern to hear. But Techno decided to play it safe, straightening up to his full height and curling his fists as if to insinuate a threat. He didn't feel like scaring off anyone more than he usually did, although this time it would be with intent, but he'd rather continue on his way with a bit of guilt rather than with the possibility that someone from his past had finally caught up with him.

"Oh relax tough guy. I'm just here to talk potatoes."

He stirred at that.

"..what?"

"Potatoes. You know, the thing you spend all your time farming." The person who had still yet to introduce themself carried on with hand motions, blowing out a slight sigh. "I really didn't think the second after I moved some crazy guy would be setting up shop with the same idea as me. I mean come on, how many people in the world have even considered going into potato farming as a hobby. You and your—your incredibly overpowered gardening tools."

It took a second before all of the dots began to connect in Techno's head. The way they had approached him with a competitive tone (albeit it playful), how they only seemed interested in talking about vegetation, the roughness of their hands—

"(Y/n) right?" In spite of himself, Techno found a small quirk in his lips forming. Not quite a smile, but something similar to it all the same. He was rewarded with a joyous nod of confirmation.

"Bingo."

So this was the person who had been after his number one potato these past couple months. Why the hub had such a thing as a leaderboard for who could sow the most vegetables, he had no idea. But it proved a successful way to pass his time. A task that included beating out the only other person on that board who was a threat to his number one title—the very same person who was currently standing across from him.

"Technoblade. Nice to metcha." He held out a hand, surely baffling a few of the people who were still staring at him and (Y/n). It was expected later there would be whispers of the interaction between the infamous man towering over an unassuming civilian, but he didn't mind.

"I know who you are." They took his hand with a snort, laughing. "I've been burning holes through your name on that stupid leaderboard ever since last summer. Your mental, you know, for farming a million potatoes a day."

"So I've been told." A brief memory of an old competitor made its way to the front of his mind, the word squid leaving as soon as it had came.

"I suppose asking you to stop farming would be a waste of time?"

He almost laughed.

"I'll take that as a no." (Y/n) tightened the grip on his hand with a fervent determination before letting go. A silent challenge. The first one that had interested Techno in a long time.

"How about we make a game out of this?" His ears perked up, blood red eyes capturing (Y/n)'s as they proceeded. "If we're to continue in this great potato war, how about we settle around a five hundred million goal. First person to it gets bragging rights. As well as, I dunno, something of the others. We can work that part out later."

"You're going down nerd." He grinned, sharp canines showing excitedly.

"Oh please." You rolled your eyes with the same sort of smile. "his'll be a cake walk for me. Or a potato walk for me, you could say."

"Bruhh."

"Like that one aye? How about, by the time I'm done with you, you'll be mashed potatoes!"

"Anyone else want to be my competitor? Anyone?" Techno pretended to call out to a crowd, scaring the nearby foot traffic as they scurried around the little bubble they had both created in the street.

"Alright fine fine you've made your point. My humors simply too good for the likes of you." (Y/n) returned to stuffing their hands in their pockets now, body weight shifting from foot to foot.

Techno took one more long look at them. Sweeping their figure with a feeling he hadn't encountered in a long time.

He was having fun.

"May th' best farmer win."

"Oh I will."

And with that, he set off in the opposite direction of you, determined to get back to his farm before you did yours.

[oddlittlestories]

The House MD characters need more Life-changing Field Trips. I tried to do a poll but

Kutner & Thirteen. Comicon like @greghatecrimes headcanon. Ooh or a road trip down to Roswell.

Chase & ??? after his major injury & dealing with depression and healing. Extended road trip. (Kutner would’ve been the obvious choice but). I think it should be family vibes so Thirteen I guess.

Chase & Thirteen. European backpacking maybe? They keep going in cathedrals even though they should really stop doing that.

The whole team ends up at a Renaissance Fair. But I’m not sure who the non-nerd is (there’s only one and it isn’t Taub). Maybe Wilson? I think Park would be embarrassed but love it anyways.

Kutner & Taub go to a cheesy pop-up carnival as per my headcanon.

Thirteen, Kutner, and Taub go to a special haunted house down the coast. House and Wilson show up to scare the crap out of them at the end. Foreman, Cameron and Chase get lost on the way and end up at a roadside cafe instead.

Thirteen & Cameron. Rocky cliff beach trip? Six flags trip? Wine tasting tour? Whale watching? Something scenic somehow I think. Which ofc devolves into something way more wild

Kutner & Cuddy & Rachel. Some sufficiently child-oriented trip.

Wilson, House and Alvie? Some contestant based show that House and Alvie trick Wilson into?? Best of Route 66? There is no way this doesn’t end the same way as the bachelor party.

Wilson and the OG trio. To a conference together but their return flights get canceled.

Wilson & Cuddy. NYC to see Broadway shows and art. End up at the Lower East Side Tenement Museum.

Wilson & Thirteen. Supposedly to do something fancy but actually to do something fun and ridiculous but without House lol

And finally J Whitner and House should go on an Accessibility Tour where they see if businesses that claim to be accessible really are. And no one can tell if they’re in cahoots or if they’re feuding (both ofc)

[cup-of-chaos]

Happy anniversary to the most entertaining display of pure insanity on YouTube.com

[bjfinn]

THE GREAT CHRISTMAS POTATO WAR OF 2023

"Beetlejuice"/"School of Rock" crossover

The Thursday before Christmas, Barbara asked if anyone had any preferences regarding the potatoes that would be served for the holiday feast.

Most of the others said that they'd be happy regardless of how they were prepared, but two had definite opinions on the matter.

"Mashed is best," Beej stated.

"Nah," Dewey disagreed. "Roast potatoes are better -- for Christmas, anyway. My mum used to make 'em that way every year."

"They're great," Beej said, "but you gotta admit that nothing beats creamy mashed potatoes with loads of butter."

"Don't get me wrong -- I love mashed. But Christmas means roast potatoes. Mashed potatoes are for the rest of the year."

"Ah, come on!" Beej scoffed. "You tellin' me you don't want mashed potatoes? What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing's the matter with me," Dewey bristled. "Roast potatoes are just more Christmassy."

"No, they're not," Beej said.

"How would you know?" Dewey countered. "You've never even had a Christmas before!"

"Maybe not, but I know all about it, pal! Everybody makes mashed potatoes for Christmas!" He looked at Barbara. "Am I right, or am I right?"

"Well," she replied, "roast potatoes are actually traditional in a lot of places -- England, for instance."

Beej glowered at her. "Stay out of this," he said.

Barbara, exasperated, threw up her hands and walked away.

He turned back to Dewey. "Now, listen --"

"No, you listen," Dewey interrupted. "I always had roast potatoes for Christmas growing up -- it's important to me."

"Well, having mashed potatoes is important to me! "

"I'm your guest! "

"You're still wrong!"

"God, you're such an asshole!" Dewey fumed, glaring at Beej.

"Takes one to know one!" Beej retorted, his hair now crimson with anger.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"You know, Beej -- sometimes I really hate you!" Dewey snarled. The two of them were now standing toe-to-toe, their hands clenched into fists, breathing hard in anticipation of the impending fight. "You got a real punchable face, you know that?"

"You wanna go?" the demon challenged, putting up his dukes. "Come on, then -- let's go! I can take you any day, buddy!"

At that, Dewey punched Beej right between the eyes. Beej staggered backwards a few steps, and then he let out a roar and threw himself at his friend. They crashed to the floor, grappling fiercely and pummelling each other with short punches.

The rest of the family ran into the kitchen. "What the hell is going on?" Charles exclaimed.

"What are they fighting about?" Lydia asked, wrapping her arms around Beej's midsection. Her father did the same to Dewey, and they tried to separate the two combatants.

"They're fighting about potatoes," Barbara replied.

"Potatoes??? " Adam echoed, incredulous.

"Mashed or roast -- which is better."

"MASHED!" Beej bellowed.

"ROAST!" Dewey roared.

"EVERYBODY STOP!" Delia thundered. Everyone froze -- no one had ever heard Delia use that tone of voice before, and they were shocked into immobility.

She took a deep breath. "Now," she continued, as calmly as she could, "we all need to take a moment here. Let's all take a deep breath, okay?"

The others looked at her dubiously.

"Come on, everyone -- deep breath for a count of four. NOW!"

They all inhaled deeply.

"Hold for four -- one, two, three, four -- let it out -- one, two, three, four -- and hold -- one, two, three, four. Good. Very good. Now we can discuss this like rational adults."

"I'm completely rational," Beej said. "Everybody knows that mashed potatoes are for Christmas. Everybody except my dumbass buddy here!"

Dewey scoffed . "You, rational? That's a laugh!"

Beej glared at him. "What -- you think you're rational?"

"Boys ... behave," Delia warned. "What will it take to resolve this?"

"Dewey needs to admit he's wrong," Beej replied.

"That's not helpful," Delia told him. "I think the two of you need to remember that you're friends -- and you're fighting over potatoes, for God's sake! Now, come on -- I want you two to shake hands."

Beej and Dewey glared at one another.

"It's just potatoes, guys!" Adam chimed in.

Reluctantly, Beej and Dewey grasped each other's right hand, and everybody breathed a sigh of relief -- until they realised that the two were squeezing instead of shaking hands, each trying to overpower the other.

"You're going down! " Beej snarled.

"Says you! " Dewey growled.

"That's enough! " Charles said, pulling them apart once more.

"Why don't we just have both?" Lydia suggested.

"That's a great idea!" Barbara chirped. "That way you both get what you want."

The two of them thought about it for a moment, and then they nodded.

"Okay," Beej said. "Yeah, that'll work."

"Sounds good to me," Dewey agreed.

"Good!" Delia said. "Now that that's settled, you two can get back to being friends. How about a hug?"

Beej took a step towards her, his arms spread wide.

"Not me -- you and Dewey need to hug."

The two friends looked at each other, neither moving.

"Well, come on, you two," Adam urged.

Beej and Dewey threw their arms around one another, bearhugging each other tightly, as everyone else looked on, smiling.

Lydia was the first one to notice what was really happening -- the two friends were trying to take each other down. "Uh ... guys? Hey, come on, you two -- knock it off!" She grabbed Beej around the waist again. "Gimme a hand -- they're at it again!"

[infectiouspiss]

[blockgamepirate]

Why did I only just realise that both my Hermitcraft fave and my Dream SMP fave are EXACTLY the kind of people who would get into the silliest competitions and then go "I should use the wisdom of Sun Tzu to win this"

They even quoted the same passage...

[fghniki]

Image description: A digital painting of Technoblade and his Origins SMP counterpart, Bunnyblade. They're walking across a potato field, with Bunnyblade riding in the wheelbarrow Technoblade is pushing. Technoblade doesn't have his crown on.

There are other farmers behind them, some of them looking up at the dragon soaring across the sky. Bunnyblade is saying, "You're the weirdest player I know. You could take over the world, but instead you... farm potatoes.” End of image description.

reluctant partner

[painless-innit-colourful]

I intentionally leave 6 months or so between every rewatch of the potato war so I can be on the floor wheezing with laughter blindsided by some of the tactics at the end such as 'planning big moves around exam season since Squid Kid's a student' and 'intentional sleep deprivation'

[velvet-vox]

Random status update

So, the Rebecca analysis is slowly turning into The Epic Of Gilgamesh, therefore it's probably not going to be released by the ending of the "Second pipeline of future ideas" survey; to compensate, I've updated some of the entries inside of "My top 10 favourite male villains of all time", in particular, I've added more text to number 8, 7, 6, 4, 3, 2, and I've scratched the entirety of the description of the number 1 spot since it didn't do him any justice. It was pretty late when I was about to finish that project, so I just spit out anything that came to mind without actually thinking how the readers would react to such an underwhelming finale.

I may also touch upon number 10 and 9 if there's something more that I want to add, and I could still write a little extra for the aforementioned entries.

I'm never going to touch number 5.

Number 5 was perfect.

I was perfect while writing number 5.

I was in the perfect mood, emotional state, and investment level to make number 5 as good as it was.

I also didn't really explain why some of the entries were higher than others, and it must have been especially aggravating in the case of number 2 being ranked higher than 3 and 4; my lack of foresight made it look like a joke list, when I was actually dead serious.

Mistakes that I'll possibly avoid when discussing the evil ladies.

Also, completely unrelated, but I might have watched the entire of The Great Potato War by Technoblade in preparation for the Rebecca discussion post.

Do with this information what you want.

[poptartmochi]

agustín tbh

[hurricanek8art]

So! Update on my SWTOR woes! I figure putting it in the main tag makes it so everyone that helped me sees it. Thank you everyone for your advice! I was so nervous about asking and you guys are so cool!

I'm planning on just doing Voss and Corellia for now to keep from burning out! This is like attempt three at me making a Jedi Knight because I wanted her to be my Outlander and then I'd freeze up and panic because I wanted it to be "perfect" but y'know what? Perfect's overrated anyway, this is supposed to be fun! I'll keep the other planetary storylines on the backburner in case I need to level up any further, but since I hit level 50 before I was out of chapter one and I thiiiink I hit 54 last night finishing Maelstrom Prison, I don't think I need to worry about my level being too low for a while. 🤣🤣🤣

(side note—thank you so much @greyias I GOT THE STUPID WHATSHISFACE COLONEL GUY WITH THE EYEBEAMS FINALLY 🤣 I do not know why I didn't think of using those crates as a shield before, I am so dumb :P)

You guys were so helpful and nice and I don't know what else to say I'm so bad at this 🥴🤣 but thank you! All of this actually helped me work up the courage to maaaaaaybe share my stuff? At least screenshots and backstory rambles because I have to share it somehow. I can only yammer my brother's ear off about it for so long, and he's the only other person I know IRL that's as into all this as me, so y'know. 🤣 I might make a masterpost to introduce everyone but I gotta gather up all my screenshots first and I'm kinda meh about getting good ones, so :P we'll see. And condense about two and a half/three-ish years of my brain hurtling backstories at me faster than I can write when I'm supposed to be writing other stuff into readable paragraphs. Uh... yeah, maybe don't expect it too soon. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm queuing this for tomorrow because I only got the chance to actually sit down and write this at midnight here, it's been crazy. Thank you again, everyone! I'm so bad at social stuff I don't know what else to say but thanks!

I don't know how to end this, so uh... Here! Unnecessarily adding all my Republic side characters in because I love them and I constantly want to infodump when it's not the time or place! 🤣

Aja Verdona, my Jedi Knight; Reilly Hawkins, my Smuggler; Ataraxia Kestis, my Consular (and my smuggler's twin sister); and Ijaaka Ordo, my Trooper. They have permanently rewired parts of my brain and I love them all dearly even though I accidentally play favorites with Aja. 🥴