#grateful for bi!buck though

[foxedfriend]

Your honour, what the “witness” fails to mention about the “attack” is that I only beat up the writer after they wrote a beautiful story of a queer character falling in love with their best friend over the better part of a decade, hint subtextually at it being requited, had the interviews and promotions of the media play into it and profit from queer viewers feelings… only to end it tragically and/or follow it up by writing the queer character a one dimensional love interest within the last few episodes, put nothing into the relationship, and have them be the endgame instead. Did I mention they yanked the fans around for YEARS?? Literally years. Almost a decade. Yeah. So. I plead self defence.

[bidisasterevankinard]

Tease tidbit tuesday

I was tagged by @theotherbuckley @perfectlysunny02 @lavenderleahy @typicalopposite

Time for Tommy to find out about the baby right? tag list bc i publish tomorow

The shift as expected keeps them busy with the worst and most weird calls coming at night. And just when he’s ready to go take a quick nap, hoping the last hour of the shift would be uneventful, another call comes. The fire in the house. 

“Pregnant man, 37 weeks, is stuck with a dislocated ankle in his bathroom. Fire was reported in the other part of the house from him, but, unfortunately, he slipped and dislocated his ankle before he could run outside. Also he accidentally cut his palm. Not deep, but reports pretty heavy bleeding. He tries to stop it. Man got himself pretty safe in the bathroom waiting for us. Got everything as by the book. He’s reported to be one of ours,” their captain tells them over the radio. “Tommy. You’re the strongest of us. You might need to carry him out of there,” Tommy nods, when he sees Donato pale, looking at the neighborhood.

Before he can ask her voice over the radio, “cap, do we have the name of the victim?”

“Yes. Evan Buckley.”

Lucy swears and Tommy’s blood freezes in his veins and arteries. It can’t be his Evan, right? Alone, stuck in the fire… Pregnant? 37 weeks means he is over nine months pregnant meaning …    

“Stop doing the math and get ready to get him outta there,” Donato says and then jumps out of the stopped truck. “Are you coming, Kinard? Or are you going to run from him again?”

She’s already entered the house before he can understand her, but next second he runs inside too. 

He needs to save Evan and the baby. His questions can be asked after. Though he is pretty sure about the answer. Nothing else is possible.

Inside Tommy can see smoke all over the living room, coming from what seems to be the nursery, but the way to the bathroom is firefree. He rushes to it. They don’t have a lot of time to get Evan safe out of here. 

In the bathroom, he meets with Lucy who checks over Buck, helping him to try and to stay on his legs.

“I’ll carry him,” Tommy comes closer, not loving how scared and small Evan seems even with the belly almost on the forehead. He takes his mask over Evan’s head. “The way outside is quick, but I don’t want you to get more smoke into your lungs.” Evan nods with a grateful smile. “Put your hands over my neck,” Evan does and Tommy gets him in bridal style, carefully, but rather fast going out.

Np tagging @queerbuck @quintessenceofdust88 @hippolotamus @wikiangela @diazsdimples @bewilderedbuckley @bi-buckrights @actuallyitsellie @powersuitup @pirrusstuff @desert--moonchild @hyperfocusthusly @crashthatcopter @cliophilyra @comfortingevanbuckley @mmso-notlikethat @marvelousbuckley @epiphainie @tommybubblesbuck @repressedqueen @racerchix21 @loucifersbitch @evansbuck-ley

[sauvignonlounicorn]

ohhhhh for the prompt thing can i see 30 or 49?

(also MY BAD i accidentally hit the unfollow/ follow button instead of the ask box 🙈🙈🙈)

lol, I was very confused. no worries!

Yes, I would love to! I'll do 30 now and 49 in a couple hours? I'm currently using my partner's computer and will be going home soon. 😊 I'll make sure to tag in you in that one too.

30-Being Protective

Buck really should have seen this coming, but at the time, when Gerrard had made the comment, he'd simply been venting to Tommy. But maybe this time was one vent too far because, a couple hours after he sent the text about Gerrard's latest bullshit, Tommy is striding into the station, a look of rage on his face like Buck's never seen before.

He gets in front of him, holding his hands up. "Tommy, babe-" but Tommy neatly sidesteps him and going clearly for the Captain's office (Buck and the rest of the team refuse to think of it as Gerrard's, no matter what the bastard says). Buck shoots a worried look at Eddie, Hen, Ravi and Chimney and they all follow Tommy.

"Hello, Kinard," Gerrard says in that oily, smarmy voice that Buck hates. He leans back in his chair and folds his hands on his stomach like this is the most comfortable he's ever been.

"You son of a bi-"

"Tommy, don't," Buck insists, laying a hand around Tommy's bicep. His muscles are wound tight. Tommy is in fight mode, flight nowhere in sight.

Gerrard stands, using his hands on the desk to lever himself up, a smug grin on his face. "What did you say to me, Kinard?"

"Leave him alone," Tommy says, voice hard and cool. "Leave them all alone."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Gerrard says, far too smoothly for Buck's liking and he's right. Every little comment or dig, everything he does is never outrightly offensive. But they never leave room for much doubt. They're working on collecting evidence but they just don't have enough yet.

"I'm sure," Tommy bites out. "But I promise you, one more, one more time I'm told about something you've done to him or said, or implied something, I don't give a shit about my career. You will see the inside of an ER. I promise you that."

Smart, Buck thinks. Tommy promising that Gerrard will see the inside of an ER doesn't necessarily constitute a threat. Tommy knows how to play the game after all these years.

"You really think you would get away with anything?" Gerrard says softly.

Tommy leans forward, as far as he can over the desk, and hisses, "Try me."

Before Gerrard can say another word, Tommy turns around and strides out, not looking at any of them. As Buck and the others follow him, Buck looks back and can swear he sees Gerrard's mask slip, just the tiniest bit.

"We'll cover, Buck," Eddie says as Buck follows Tommy out to the parking lot and Buck shoots him a grateful look.

"Tommy," he says gently as Tommy gets to his truck and leans against it as though all his strings have been cut.

"I'm sorry," he croaks. "I just...I spent a really long time pretending I didn't give a shit about him but now, I've got you and I couldn't take it anymore."

Buck walks forward and wraps his arms around Tommy's waist, leaning against his chest.

"That-" Buck says, leaning in for a kiss. "Was the hottest thing I've ever seen."

Tommy blinks, clearly surprised. "What?"

"Yeah, you're getting rewarded when I get to your place tonight," Buck insists.

"Evan, I-"

But Buck kisses him again. "I've never had anyone stand up for me like that before. Thank you."

Tommy still looks pole-axed. "Um, you're welcome. I hope it doesn't make things worse."

Buck shrugs. "I can handle it. Maybe it'll make him slip up into something we can use."

Tommy sighs and cups Buck's face. "Be safe."

"I will. Go home. Hit a punching bag. I'll be there in a few hours."

Tommy nods and kisses him goodbye and drives off. Buck knows he will have that entire episode in his head on repeat for a very long time.

[loulou-land]

🎄 All I Want for Christmas is Lou! 🎄

As part of this amazing event here are some of my slightly personal and genuine feelings about Buck, Tommy, their relationship and this wonderful community! ✨

@alliwantforchristmasislou

As a bisexual woman in her 30s–Buck discovering this other side to his sexuality, to who he is (in his 30s) and Tommy, an older gay man who lived for so long in the closet, but was finally being himself–looking more comfortable and free, meant a lot to me. Especially seeing that on a tv show as big as 911.

I’m not in the closet but I’m also not completely out. I tried to tell someone very close to me I was Bi and instead was shoved back in the closet. Because they just couldn’t fathom or think about that in relation to me. Even though I was still the same person I always was. So the Bucktommy relationship meant a lot to me. From the beginning, the relationship was sweet and caring, communicative and so understanding. Also so completely normal and genuine. It was honestly very uplifting and hopeful to see. It made me feel like I could get my happy ending. Maybe not right now but one day. Especially because this person was also watching the show. And I hoped seeing positive representation for bisexuality and a same sex couple would help them understand me better.

Of course, bucktommy led me to this wonderful community. It has been truly life changing. I’ve been in many fandoms before, always a lurker, never an active participant. It always felt scary, some of the bigger louder accounts unapproachable. It’s honestly incredible how different bucktommy nation is. I felt so welcomed from the beginning. Even when I was just reblogging or commenting on people's amazing posts and stories. And soon I found myself feeling brave, being myself, contributing to the community by making edits and when I doubted I could even write (despite wanting to so badly) I got so much encouragement and support. And I’m so so thankful for that. I haven’t felt this motivated in such a long time. I’m creating again! And that’s a wonderful gift you have all given me, all of you and BuckTommy ❤️ Not to mention being there for each other as we went through that breakup and the terrible writing of that episode.

So for 2025, I hope we can see Tommy on our screens again. I hope he finds his happiness and love, because he deserves it. I hope we get to see him heal. And I hope we can continue to see Lou’s thoughtful portrayal of him and the love and care he puts into his acting, especially for a character that means so much to us. I also hope Buck can continue living his truth and above all that we get to see him fight for love and get his forever. Finally, I hope we get to see this amazing relationship flourish and grow once again ✨

As part of this event I donated to the Trevor Project because I’ve always been grateful for what they do 🫶🏻

And so, #alliwantforchristmasislou

And many thanks to the creation of this event. This is an amazing initiative and I’m happy I get to be a part of it.

[sad-girl-hours23]

Rewatched the BuckTommy-centric scenes of “Confessions” since I had a bad headache when I watched it live.

The restaurant scene still feels like a fever dream…cause what was that?!

1. Personally, I don’t think the basketball game tickets were an unthoughtful gift because we know Buck doesn’t like to play basketball, but we don’t know that he doesn’t enjoy watching it/going to games. That being said, I could understand either interpretation if Buck never told Tommy he doesn’t like basketball, which would have been a perfect rom-com confession and call-back , but I digress

2. The comment from Buck about him noticing that Tommy didn’t look at the hot woman at the restaurant and Tommy explicitly stating he’s gay/a Kinsey 6. I mean, we already had Eddie specifically use the word gay in reference to Tommy and Buck didn’t dispute it. So was this for the benefit of the GA; remind them Tommy is gay and Buck is Bi? Are we really supposed to believe that Buck would have never previously asked Tommy if he had been with a woman? And on a slightly less serious (but still serious to me) note…this man who in the previous episode hyperfixated on a centuries old corpse?? He wouldn’t have any idea what the Kinsey scale is and where both him and Tommy fall on that?? 😅

3. My biggest wtf moment though was when Tommy was talking about Abby and ended with the fact that she had great hair?? Now why did they make him say that 😭😭😭😭

All in all, it still just doesn’t feel real?

And listen, I’m not going to fault anyone for not seeing/feeling chemistry between two characters and I see Buck and Tommy through fanon-tinted glasses and yes we were still getting to know them as a couple, hell they were still getting to know each other…but I did not see this coming at all, not right now. I’m not saying they had to be forever, but the only time we see Buck have to talk about his relationship is after Tommy “breaks up” with him (aka leaves him at the restaurant) and then the very episode where they break up?? Yeah, sorry I’m not seeing how it was obvious from the beginning 😒

I’ve lost my train of thought by now, so I’ll stop rambling 😂 I’ll just end it with this: I do hope, if it’s what Lou wants and it will be written well, that we do get Buck and Tommy back again, but I am grateful for what we got to have of them (present episode mostly excluded but I’ll be damned if both of them didn’t look good while breaking each other’s hearts 🥹🥹)

[buddiebeginz]

Why does it feel like people ship B/T out of obligation? Not because they actually like the ship, but because it’s canon queer representation that they have to support otherwise you get labeled as ‘homophobic’ or not supportive of bi! Buck. They care more about what the ship represents and not at all with how it’s written.

Because that's the reality. For some people they don't care what kind of representation we get for queer characters/ships so long as there is canon representation. Let me tell you as someone who is a little older and has been watching queer media for a long time shitty or minimal representation is not better than no representation. Not for me anyway.

I want so much to see more people like me in media especially considering that I'm bi and there are so few canon bi characters. I will always be grateful to 911 for them making Buck (who I relate to a lot btw) a canon bi character. But at the same time they haven't handled his bi journey all that great and they've handled his first relationship with a man even worse.

Personally I don't care for T*mmy as a character and mostly I just think Buck deserves better. There is so little substance to that relationship. Buck and T*mmy barely even talked through most of s7 and when they did I didn't like how T*mmy treated Buck. I didn't like how dismissive and sometimes down right snappy he was with Buck. Plus we saw how much T*mmy went out of his way multiple times for Eddie but we never saw him do the same for Buck he couldn't even be bothered to dress up for the bachelor party.

I also didn't like that we really didn't get to know how Buck feels about T*mmy and that relationship by the end of s7. You can say we saw some of that during the dinner scene or when he talked to Bobby but it was really Bobby doing most of the talking in the locker room scene and the date only made me dislike T*mmy more. Buck was being vulnerable and T*mmy was made to seem like he didn't really care again. It would have been nice to have a scene where Buck talked about how he felt having been dating a guy for a little bit and what he really thought about T*mmy at this point but we really haven't gotten any insight on that.

All that aside though no one has to like any ship and it certainly isn't homophobic/biphobic to dislike a pairing (unless your reasoning is you don't want to see two people of the same sex together). I actually haven't cared for any of Buck's love interests for one reason or another but here's the thing if you have an otp for a show you don't need a reason to dislike it when the characters you ship are with other people. You can simply say I don't like them with that other person I want to see the ship I love together.

B*mmys will come up with all kinds of reasons as to why they've decided it's not okay for you to dislike their ship but it's all a bunch of bs. I heard similar stuff when Buck and Taylor were together. That it was misogynistic because I didn't like Taylor and them together (mainly because I've never liked Taylor after what she did to Bobby). But whether it's B*mmy's calling us homophobic or Buck/Taylor's calling us misogynistic it's all the same kind of stuff. They're just looking for a reason to make us feel bad for not agreeing with them. You don't have to like the same kinds of things as anyone else and you don't have to see the show the same as anyone else.

[vanmarkus]

Someone needs to tell tim about relationship-baiting because no it's not really queerbaiting but if he didn't/doesn't intend on going anywhere with how he wrote them, it could feel like relationship-baiting to fans. Especially now that he's going a different way even though he *could* go with buddie on abc. He knows exactly if he gave a definite no on buddie, a lot of people would stop watching. So him saying hey I gave you those scenes just to make you happy felt... :/ not good. He has every right to do what he wants with his characters but yeah that was a weird thing to say

okay, I am absolutely not trying to be mean here, but this is such a stupid way of looking at it.

1) relationship baiting? could've gone that way? we got bi Buck confirmed after 7 seasons. I'm sorry if that's not a good enough of a story for you, because it doesn't involve being attracted to Eddie. it is strategically and storytelling-wise more expandable, interesting and provides a better base for an eventual buddie storyline if that's the direction they want to go into than getting them together straight off the bat.

we got authentic, good bi rep without having the character feminised to fit a stereotypical queer role on TV. it's a huge fucking deal. so what if you have to wait for buddie a bit longer? does that mean it's never gonna happen? cuz how is that baiting if that's what we get in the long run?

and even if we don't get it, it's not bait to show two male friends being close after spending about 100+ hours a week together and going through trauma after trauma together. it doesn't have to be romantic. it can be. it doesn't have to be.

2) wanting to make the fans happy by giving them their most favourite guys finally hanging out and having fun and giving moments of them being so close again? yeah, I don't see how that's weird, I'm sorry. Tim knows we love them and that we love to see them together; giving us scenes with them is a kindess on his part and is clearly something that makes fans happy, if not being able to see a single scene of 2-minute of them singing was enough to warrant actual death threats??

Tim is out there doing something for the fans and you guys are crying about it and poking holes at his words. this is why we're not getting shit. and ngl if people get louder and meaner, I full on won't blame Tim to not go there with buddie at all, cuz why would he reward that behaviour?

watch the show. enjoy what we get cuz we've been getting A LOT of good stuff this season. major television history stuff actually. we are renewed for another season. stop rushing shit. if the story goes there, it'll be because it'll make sense. just be grateful for once, I beg.

[scaredexpert]

Oof... I have to say that every single storyline in that episode was unsatisfying imo

Bobby waking up 30 mins into the episode and everyone just lightheartedly moving on?

Buck and Christopher didn't hug goodbye and Buck and Eddie also didn't hug?? This episode's Buckley-Diaz scenes were just kinda meh aside from Eddie telling Christopher goodbye (pls Christopher come back next season wahhh) and I liked seeing Eddie's parents be more supportive

Bucktommy scene was cute but there continues to be no chemistry between them so what's the point???

Madney taking in Mara in a truly flabbergasting series of events???? There's no way they'd be approved as a kinship home for Mara, and there is no possible way on this earth they would be licensed as foster caregivers that quickly. Also, if Ortiz's interference removed Mara from Henren, why would she not continue to interfere with Mara being placed with Madney? (As if such a person would even have influence in this situation in the first place.) I mean, I like that the outlook is positive now, so yay? This one might just be me because I work in foster care and I just know how things work, but it is so grating. Oh, also, there is no way Hen would be able to just march into the group home and see Mara. No. Way. A fabricated tale that doesn't exist. I know, I know, I know, it's tv. But they could have done a modicum of research :')

I thought we were supposed to get some kind of cliffhanger????? I mean, I guess?? I'm not feeling a lot of suspense lmao. Gerrard will be captain while Bobby figures out how to take the 118 back, there will be drama until suddenly it'll all be better again.

And lastly, Family Feud theory is bones </3 But if it turns out eventually that Eddie is queer, we will all know that Family Feud was always on our side lmao

Okay, I guess the one satisfying part was that Amir's character and intentions were finally made clear... he was so clearly innocent, just hurt. I appreciated his role in this season and the actor KILLED it.

Dang I'm just frustrated with this season's writing overall. Bi Buck is wonderful, but I can't say I enjoyed a lot else, but it seems like I'm in the minority idk! I understand it was only 10 eps though and I'm still glad we got the season. I'm a Buddie shipper btw, but if it doesn't go canon, I'll live. However... it seems almost like the writers themselves haven't even decided, and um... they need to decide and then they need to commit to what they decide. I've been saying that for a loooong time. Keeping it THIS open-ended and hinting around is a disservice to everyone at this point, I think. I just think they're scared to make a choice, honestly.

I'm relieved to hopefully not be thinking about 9-1-1 anymore for a few months, but I have to find a new lil hyperfixation for a while. Suggestions? Lmao and does anyone wanna talk about our feelings? 🥲

[loullaby]

bi buck and the bucktommy relationship are both huge storylines by themselves, so i'm really grateful we got a taste of it this season, even though we had fewer episodes and so much going on. i don't know where they are going to take that relationship, but even if they are not endgame, i really want to keep them together for a while so we can get to know tommy better and then decide if he's a good fit for buck or not. right now a lot of people are jumping to conclusion and the truth is we didn't have enough time to develop them in the best way possible, so chill.

[nubianamy]

Writing update (Winter 2024/2025)

I didn't even write one of these in 2023 or 2024, which tells you exactly how much writing I've been doing! Thanks to @kwills91 for tagging me in this fic roundup.

Solo Writing

Most of my solo writing has halted, including the many Donutverse WIPs. It's always possible I'll pick them back up again, but for now, I've set them aside.

Here are the solo fics I published in 2023 and 2024:

1. Relevé

AU-Canon Divergence, high school friendship, redeemed!Dave

Fandom: Glee Ship: Kurtofsky with background Mike/Finn Rating: Teen Summary: Dave wants to get Kurt's attention, but figuring out how to do it without being a total asshole is going to take some work.

Oneshot, complete, 5k

Comments: I wrote this for the Hibernation Dave zine in 2022, but forgot to put it on AO3 until 2023, so I'm counting it here.

2. Our Name is Our Virtue (part 3 of Inoa'ohana / Family Name series)

soulmates, polyamory, light Dom/sub, conspiracy

Fandom: Hawaii 5-O Ships: McDanno, Steve/Danny/Dave Collins Rating: Explicit Summary: Danny and Steve might be soulmates, but there are still so many people in their lives who don't know anything about it—and there's a price to pay when people choose to keep secrets instead of telling the truth.

Series, complete, 26k words

Comments: I wrote this for the 2023 H50 Big Bang, and it got the hottest art! I absolutely love McDanno, but this series was my opportunity to explore crime drama in the context of the Donutverse soulmates/worldwide conspiracy setting, and it had to be polyam for it to work for the larger story. I have seven more stories planned in this series.

3. Laid Up

masturbation, fluff and smut, AU-Canon Divergence

Fandom: Glee Ship: Puckurt Rating: Explicit Summary: After Puck breaks his leg, the Hudson-Hummel family agree to care for him while he recovers. Kurt quickly realizes he’s in for a lot more than he bargained for.

One-shot, work in progress, 13k so far

Comments: This was my avoiding-writing-my-Big-Bang story.

4. Guilty Pleasure

AU-Coffeehouse, teacher!Buck, friends to lovers

Fandom: 9-1-1 Ship: Buddie Rating: Teen Summary: Buck especially loves it when Eddie's kid Christopher comes into his sister's coffee shop.

One-shot, complete, 9k

Comments: My first Buddie story! I wrote this for the 2024 9-1-1 Fanworks Festival.

Cowriting

Even though work and my life have been busy, writing with my cowriter @beshrew-my-very-heart has continued. I'm so grateful for his patience with all the changes and stressful event of the last two years.

My cowriter introduced me to a new fandom this year, 9-1-1. We wrote a handful of smutty stories for the Five Alarm Fest this summer, and several of them have prompted series, in particular the Time Off crossover series. It's been so much fun to get to know all the characters by writing about them.

Here are the fics we've published together in 2023 and 2024:

1. Auld Acquaintance

Puck is a bi stereotype, secret relationship

Fandom: Glee Ship: Puck/everyone (but secretly kinky Puckurt) Rating: Mature Summary: On New Year’s Eve, Noah Puckerman is embroiled in a little game. From the moment the ball drops, he is on a quest: to collect kisses from as many of the New Direction alumni before time runs out.

First in unpublished series but can be read as a oneshot, complete, 10k

Comments: This is my favorite story-that-nobody-read, probably because we didn't tag the secret relationship. We challenged ourselves to write a oneshot. It was plotted, written, and published in 24 hours—but we couldn't stop there! We wrote several thousand words of a sequel, but set it aside in favor of writing other things.

2. Waited on a Line of Greens and Blues (part 3 of To Be With You series)

AU-Canon Divergence, football, teen drama, romance

Fandom: Glee Ship: Sam/Finn, Puckurt, Finn/Kurt friendship, Puck/Finn frenemies Rating: Explicit Summary: Sam and Finn’s second summer at football camp is complicated by Puck’s involvement, Kurt’s presence at the cheerleading camp across the lake, the new direction of the camp’s management, and Sean’s painful absence. The most challenging thing about being together again, however, is their own confusing feelings for one another.

Series, work in process (finished but we are posting it very slowly), 179k so far

Comments: We wrote this a while back (and also wrote a good bunch of the next one), and I'm still so proud of it. We commissioned some amazing art for it from @starpawedart that we adore.

3. Knockout

missing scene, first time

Fandom: 9-1-1 Ship: EddieTommy Rating: Explicit Summary: After a fire at the airport grounds Eddie and Tommy in Las Vegas, they’re forced to spend the night in a hotel room together. Misunderstandings lead to Eddie getting a much clearer understanding about his relationship with Tommy.

first in series, complete, 13k

Comments: We love this ship (and it felt so obvious that this was the way the story would have gone if the writers had decided to go with EddieTommy instead of BuckTommy). There's a sequel in the works.

4. Parched

pwp, shower kink

Fandom: 9-1-1 Ship: Tarlos Rating: Explicit Summary: When a drought hits Austin, TK has an idea for how to get his time in the shower.

oneshot, complete, 5k

Comments: Learning to write TK/Carlos...

5. Biggest Fan (Part 1 of Crossing State Lines series)

first time, Buck has a big dick, intercrural

Fandoms: 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star Ship: Buck/Mateo Rating: Explicit Summary: Sparks fly when Evan Buckley and Mateo Chavez meet in a bar in LA, but are their eyes too big for their stomachs?

first in series, complete, 12k

Comments: I had no idea how much I would enjoy this ship before we wrote this story, but Buck and Mateo are adorable together.

6. Force of Nature (Part 2 of Crossing State Lines series)

coming out, relationship drama, foursome

Fandoms: 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star Ships: Buck/Mateo, Buck/Mateo/Carlos/TK Rating: Explicit Summary: In the midst of wildfire disaster relief in Texas, Buck plans a surprise visit to Mateo, but he doesn’t think through all the ramifications of his arrival.

second in series, complete, 47k

Comments: Mateo and Buck have to do some relationship mending at the beginning, but all ends well.

7. Wholly Convinced

first time threesome, public sex

Fandom: 9-1-1 Ship: BuckTommy Rating: Explicit Summary: Tommy Kinard always seems to know exactly what his partners want. He always takes it as his personal mission to help them get what they want. Tommy Kinard thinks he knows how this chapter ends.

oneshot, complete, 11k

Comments: Never thought writing a glory hole could be so romantic.

8. Bonfire

not actually unrequited love, established threesome

Fandoms: 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star Ships: Buck/Carlos/TK, Buddie Rating: Explicit Summary: Even after years of TK and Carlos feeding the flame of their long-distance relationship with Buck, they know he’s carrying a torch for someone else, too. Can they find a way to kindle this slow burn into a steady fire?

oneshot, complete, 10k

Comments: I think this is the best-written of all our 9-1-1 fics.

9. Monday is Blue (Part 1 of Time Off series)

Daddy kink, sex toys, polyamory

Fandoms: 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star Ships: Buck/Owen, Owen/Mateo, Tarlos Rating: Explicit Summary: When Buck needs a place to crash in Austin, he stays at Owen’s place, and winds up with more than he bargained for.

first in series, complete, 30k

Comments: I know I'm the only one in the fandom who likes Owen, but I 100% fell in love with this pairing... and it just gets sweeter from here.

10. Tuesday is Gray (Part 2 of Time Off)

kitchen table polyam, D/s, public scene, family feels

Fandoms: 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star Ships: Buck/Owen, Owen/Mateo, Buck/Owen/Mateo, Tarlos Rating: Explicit Summary: On the second day of Buck’s trip to Texas, he only finds himself drawn deeper into the myriad dynamics and relationships in Owen Strand’s home. Everyone seems to have plans and ideas for what to do next, as Buck tries to work out his place amongst them.

second in series, complete, 78k

Comments: Power dynamics aren't easy to negotiate, but we managed to get through it without destroying the relationshp!

11. Wednesday Too (Part 3 of Time Off)

kink checklists, kitchen table polyam, coming out

Fandoms: 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star Ships: Buck/Owen, Owen/Mateo, Buck/Owen/Mateo, Buck/Carlos, Tarlos Rating: Explicit Summary: Time doesn’t stop for anyone, and even though it’s the third day of Buck’s Texas Vacation, Owen and Mateo have to return to work. Luckily, they’ve found the perfect person to keep Buck company, teach him some new things about himself, and run him through his paces. Twenty-four hours doesn’t sound like a long time, but it’s plenty of opportunity to break some rules, confess some secrets, and perhaps have a few surprise visitors.

third in series, complete, 58k

Comments: We thought we were being so sneaky about the actual main pairing of this story, but every comment makes it obvious that we were mistaken.

12. Life Jacket (set in the Time Off series)

5+1, kitchen table polyam, D/s

Fandoms: 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star Ships: BuckTommy, BuddieTommy, Buddie, Buck/Owen, Owen/Mateo, Buck/Owen/Mateo, Buck/Carlos, Tarlos Rating: Mature Summary: Five times members of the polycule mislaid their clothing, and one time they didn’t have to.

futurefic in series with spoilers, complete, 15k

Comments: I promise this is not a crackship!

Total words in 2023: 688,835

Total words in 2024: 482,167

[chevelleneech]

Re: the Oliver bi post -

I wouldn’t be surprised if Oliver was bi and just hasn’t come out to the public yet. Going by how eloquent he id and how he speaks during interviews addressing Buck’s sexuality or the inclusiveness of the show, he’s either a part of the community imo or the world’s best Ally. (Capital A)

It’s weird to speculate on real people’s sexuality, but either way I’m grateful as a bi person to have him in our corner regardless of how he identifies :)

Being the nosy bitch I am, I am rather okay with the fact that I’m always googling people’s personal lives and talking about it in some form. It’s been a long lived trait of my personality, as I tend to just want to know information about people and things. I never take it out of fandom spaces, don’t overstep by invading actual privacy, and try my best to dial my curiosity back, but as you can tell from this blog alone… I often fail on the latter.

That said, I don’t think I venture too deep into Oliver’s sexuality, because he doesn’t really give me closeted vibes. Not that I can tell one way or the other for real, but after my initial search to see if he was, I just idk… believe him saying he’s an ally. He seems incredibly comfortable with himself and doesn’t really take shit from people. And while that isn’t exclusive to allies, I do think it’s possible that if Oliver were queer, it’s something he’d refuse to take shit for. I feel like his personality would lean more toward being out and outspoken about it, because from a fan pov, he seems more than fine telling people to shut the fuck up and fuck off if they have something bad to say about him or the things he believes in.

However, I do understand the nuisance that comes with being closeted, so I can’t say what you think is an impossibility. He could very well be bisexual and just not out. To me though, if he does end up coming out, I still think it’d probably be because he realized his queerness due to being such an advocate for Buck’s. Which, maybe that’s me speaking from a slightly personal experience? Idk.

I always thought myself an ally and open minded, and I would much rather invest in queer stories than not, but I didn’t think anything was odd about that due to again, the assumption that investing in queer characters and their stories was just the right thing to do as someone who isn’t a bigot.

Nope, I’m just asexual, lol. My intrigue is rooted in wanting to see relationships play out on screen between people who don’t fit into cis/het boxes, because growing up that’s all I saw. Men and women kissing and falling in love and that being the “right way” to showcase romance. Realizing I’m ace and have very little interest in traditional romance helped me let go of a lot of hang ups that I had about myself.

So it’s possible I’m projecting like shit, but yeah. I don’t think Oliver is bi necessarily, but if he is, I do think it’s something he would most likely have discovered recently.

Sidebar: Two of his tattoos did add to my initial wonderings about him though, I will admit. He and I are in the same age group, so I feel like it’s fine to assume he also knows the rumors about his arm bands and the hollow star tattoo. They don’t mean a man is queer, but growing up in the early 2000s, those two things were like rumored signifiers. So when I saw him with them, I just assumed he was in the closet. Now though, I’m more just like, maybe that was just a point in time when a lot of queer men had those tattoos and to Oliver they don’t mean the same thing.

Doesn’t matter either way, but yeah.

Thanks for stopping by though, and not yelling at me for making a post about how I’d find it funny if his life imitated his art!

[maygrcnt]

I read that article where tim minear was like “it made the most sense to have buck and tommy” and im just like…….. where though?

the entire episode was set up as if buck was trying to get eddie’s attention, only to completely ignore the entire episode and say “oh no he wanted tommy”

…..yet i (personally) have yet to see any chemistry between buck and tommy?? like—

i am so happy for bi buck but i am so stressed about the way it’s going….

anon the solution is to never read words said by tim minear! sometimes he gives us gifts but very often he gives us pain. he is just doing his job and we are grateful to him for that, but to keep your peace i recommend not reading interviews he does lmao, this is the philosophy i adopted with kristen and it works well

[tvfangirladdict]

In January of last year I posted a whole rant on this topic, but instead of the Tommy division, my frustration was caused by how a lot of the Fandom reacted to Eddie leaving the 118 and how they made it all about Buck. For me, this highlighted a divide in the Fandom, almost Team Buck and Team Eddie, similar to Team Cap and Team Iron Man. Even though a lot of people shipped the two together, there were sides and in the 911 Fandom, most are Team Buck and it makes me sad that there's such a distintinct feeling that we're only okay with Eddie because he's there to make Buck happy.

If you shipped Destiel, then you know it's possible for a character to come in 4 seasons late(Cas) and still become just as important to the Fandom as their OG favorite(dean). With Destiel shippers, there was always a balance to the Fandom, there wasn't a clear favorite between the two like here.

I too believe that if Eddie and Tommy would have gotten together, we would have seen an even worse reaction from the Fandom than we had before the BuckTommy kiss. Could you imagine how mad they would have been after Buck spent the whole episode feeling left out only for Eddie and Tommy to end up being the ones coming out to him instead???? Idk if they would have been so happy and accepting and grateful just to get Canon bi or demi Eddie.

Now, do I believe that most of us still want Buddie together? Yes. Different people and relationships are meant for you at different stages of your life and I understand that Tommy is good for Buck right now.

But I also believe that most of our shippers would rather see Buck as Chris's dad than Eddie and think that Buck would be the better dad. I think that most of them would only ever be okay with Eddie ending up with someone else if it created jealousy in Buck and became about him and not Eddie's happiness.

I think people are so convinced that even though Eddie was happy with Marisol and canonically sexually attracted to her in his own "naughty" words, that they're still convinced the catholic guilt and his hesitation is still all about Buck. But even though Buck spent the entire episode trying to get Eddie's attention and talking about Eddie, they've become convinced with one kiss that no, the jealousy and attention seeking was obviously all about Tommy🤨🙄 or both of them or something. We don't know anything more about Tommy than we do Marisol, but Tommy's cool because he's helping Buck grow, but we've refused the idea that Marisol could be the same for Eddie?

Why are Buddie shippers so critical of Eddie while being so understanding of Buck? With Eddie, there's always a "but" attached to anything he says or does in their eyes. It makes me sad, because I think that like Buck, Eddie is a beautiful, flawed, complex character that I want to see dissected psychologically. But no one seems to care about his mental state, or his past or his own trauma unless it affects Buck, good or bad.

I just wish we were seeing more love for BOTH Buck and Eddie, and not always so focused on Buck🫤😟

It's actually concerning how quickly people are dropping Eddie and jumping to Tommy. Like, I get the excitement over Bi!Buck (Because it's amazing), but people are now wishing death on Eddie and jumping ship from Buddie completely?

Like, Tommy didn't have much of a redemption? He came out of nowhere and then kissed Buck and people are acting like Buckt*mmy is amazing and romantic and they have such chemistry? Like, he is very similar to the other love interests Buck has had. The only real main difference is that he's a man.

I'm pretty sure the only reason people are jumping to him so quick is because he's a guy. If Tommy was a woman, he would not get this kind of love at all.

It makes me wonder how much people actually shipped Buddie and whether it was just that they wanted Buck to get with a dude. Buck is obviously the fandom favorite. He's fanonified beyond belief. And this isn't hating on Buck, but the fandom tends to make everything about him. Eddie getting shot? About him. The well? About him. Chris in general? About him.

If it had been Eddie who Tommy had kissed (as was apparently the original plan) and Eddie who Tommy went on a date with, the fandom would not love it so much. They would probably make it all about Buck.

I may be coming off harsh, but it gets frustrating. I'm not saying to not ship Buck with Tommy, but at least be self-aware to see if you are doing it so Buck has a good relationship, or if you just want him to date a man.

[mad-as-a-box-of-frogs]

what is the deal with jess mason?

Okay, I’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet, because there’s just so many ways Jess has pissed people off over the years (some bordering on the absurd) that I could never possibly cover it all in one short post. I’m sure many people could add their own personal encounters with her. The paragraphs below have sources in the underlined text. 

Long story short, Jess was a Big Name Fan for many years, predominantly went by ibelieveinthelittletreetopper here on tumblr, got popular mostly because she wrote for the fan site The Mary Sue and would periodically interview cast and writers (like at SDCC), and more or less imploded that popularity somewhere around s14 (personally, I dropped her after she made a 10x21 post explaining why Charlie’s death Wasn’t Bad Actually, so that should give you some idea of what she’s like). I can’t remember exactly the order of events, but it can essentially be boiled down to her badmouthing the fans that saw destiel as something that was being intentionally written in the show (and hey, we were right!). For most, though, the final straw is when her post-SPN Finale article dropped, where she compared fandom finale conspiracies and people trying to make sense of it all to right wing nutjobs Qanon. Pissed quite a few people off with that one. And yet, as much as Jess constantly shits on spn fandom and seems to have nothing but disdain for us, that hasn’t stopped her from trying to make a quick buck at out us whenever possible (see her typo-riddled book and now the upcoming podcast).

Jess has kicked up quite the reputation for herself outside of SPN fandom as well. She wrote an entire ass article wherein she complained about lesbian stairway sex on an episode of Wynonna Earp being unrealistic, prompting thee showrunner of Wynonna Earp Emily Andras to fire back with  “ If you have plausibility issues with sex on stairs I have some sad news about immortal cowboy demons.” Jess tried to defend herself, ending up bemoaning the fact that a “straight woman [had] come in and devalued criticism from a queer woman” except, whoops, Emily Andras is bi. (tweet from an earlier date). Emily Andras would later quote a tweet asking to start a fight with five words or less with “Reunion stair sex: implausible, uncomfortable.” I apologize for going on and on about this, I just think it’s the funniest thing to ever happen on the bird app. This isn’t even touching the people she pissed off by defending The Magicians after Quentin’s death or whatever squabble she got into with the Good omens fandom. 

Now with all that being said, I need to make it clear that Jess’s bullshit goes beyond bad fandom opinions and internet squabbles and people finding her annoying. She wrote an article on sex workers using plagiarized research where she used tweets of real sex workers that ending up getting doxed, has been called out by her former coworkers at the Mary Sue for her antiblackness and her tone policing on racism, argued against a black female James Bond, and as Stichmediamix pointed out in this great rebuttal article to Jess’s ‘Fandom Conspiracies are just as dangeous as any other” article, has a disingenuous response to fans in SPN fandom as opposed to her compassionate attitude towards fandoms that have a well documented history of harassing Black Actors. There’s definitely a pattern of troubling behavior here, and I don’t bring any of this up to make light of it or treat it the same as fandom squabbling, but to impress upon you that many individuals have real reasons to be way of her. 

So there you have it, anon. TLDR: Jess Mason is annoying and racist and has pissed off most of spn fandom at one time or another. 

Thank you to Mel @lets-steal-an-archive for all of these sources. Her archiving skills are unmatched, and I’m eternally grateful, especially since I have a mind like a sieve. 

[matan4il]

Different anon here but that Abby post made me laugh because I was just thinking how they also accidentally or intentionally created a parallel between Abbys mom and Eddies Christopher. They dont shy away from Christophers needs or the fact that yes there are challenges. But they made it so Buck can step into the situation with him. Not sure if that makes sense. Because sometimes I see people get annoyed I ship them as a family so hard. But for me, Christopher is such a huge dynamic of why they are so rootable. Buck shines so well in those nurturing roles. He really compliments Eddie so much as a father.

Like you know when they get married Bucks gonna demand that they honeymoon at the most inclusive resort he can find and of course Chris is coming too!!

Hi Nonnie! Thank you for the ask! ^u^ I’m assuming you’re replying to this?

SO MUCH THIS! I know I addressed it at some point, but I have written so much Buddie meta, I'm now sure anymore where and can't check (if anyone can find it and point it out for me, I would be so grateful! Having Vertigo and having difficulties to read your own words truly sucks).

But it was just screaming so loudly at me, how reluctant Buck was in 109, how much he wanted to run away, until Bobby essentially told him to man up, meaning Buck stepped into the situation with Abby because he was told to. But in contrast in 204, he naturally steps into the situation with Eddie, even though Eddie isn't his bf and Buck has zero obligations, even indirect ones, regarding Chris, no one has to talk him into it, Buck CHOOSES to step into Eddie's mess with him, and he does it without hesitation, without regret, he finds the right solution for Eddie right away, and he only immerses himself further and further in even though he could have introduced Eddie to Carla and be done with it. But no. Because Buck WANTS to be there for the Diaz boys.

And I agree with you! Again, something I said at some point, I think maybe somewhere in my first round of Buddie meta, but what makes Buddie shine as a ship isn't just their dynamic, though that's stellar without a doubt. Buddie are so special because we have almost no slow burn male romances (I'm so close to saying "none outside of soap operas"), and because they're friends first, and because they could be include bi rep (one or both) which is STILL so overlooked even as more and more gay, lesbian and trans characters are included in a lot of shows. But they are ALSO REALLY SPECIAL in that they are a family with Chris. All three of these boys have fully embraced this family unit, and their love when they're together literally shines, just look at that scene at the end of 312!

And I fully agree with your headcanon about the Buddie wedding. In conclusion, the show is insane for this, and they made us insane too, but it's the best insanity ever! Thank you again! xoxox

(I got an influx of asks, I WILL answer all of them, but it might take a sec. If anyone wants to check whether I've already answered theirs or to read my replies, here's my ask tag. Thank you! xoxox)

[ur-riddikulus]

You’re Worth It (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You are the resident therapist for the Avengers and Steve asks you for a favor. He wants you to have a therapy session with Bucky. Then you find out that Bucky wasn’t exactly aware of this plan.

Warnings: some cursing, Bucky’s angsty past, a couple small sexual innuendo. Also like a ton of angst but I promise that it does get better lol.

A/N: This is my first fanfic on here. I posted some Harry Potter ones before this, but I reread them and thought I could do better. So, here we are! Thank you for reading and if you want this to turn into more parts, I can totally do that. <3

You had been in your office preparing for your next patient when Steve walked in.

“Hey, Dr. Y/L/N, can I ask you for a favor?” He asked, putting his hands in a praying motion.

“Yeah, absolutely! I do have a patient soon, though.” You replied. You were glad to help, Steve is a great patient and has been improving impressively. So well, in fact, you didn’t know if he would even need to see you much longer.

“Do you know Bucky Barnes? He’s an old pal of mine. He has been against going to therapy for a long time, but you’ve helped me so much and Bucky needs some help too I think. Plus, he saw you around the tower and thought you were cute.” Steve says.

You blushed at that last part, silently wishing you didn’t. You had a rule against dating any patient or anyone in the tower, since it would just be awkward when you inevitably break up. Every relationship you’ve ever been in hasn’t lasted long, considering you’ve never been able to find someone you truly liked.

“Yeah, of course I know Bucky. You don’t shut up about him during your therapy sessions and I’ve seen him sulking around the tower myself. I would love to help him, but like I said, I have another patient soon. I will only have therapy with him if it’s his choice though. And I think he’s absolutely gorgeous but I have a rule against dating anyone who lives or works in the Tower.” You explained.

You looked at the time, Tony Stark, your next patient, would be here any minute. You were the sole therapist for Avengers Tower. There maybe should have been another one, but Tony had one session with you and said that you were the best he’s ever had and no one would ever dare be a therapist and step into his tower again. He even gave you the title of ‘Chief of Mental Health’ despite being literally the only person in that department.

Steve must have noticed you checking your watch, because he said ,”Oh, and I bribed Tony to change his appointment and give it to Bucky, so you kind of have no choice.” 

You looked up, “What? Who knew that Mr. Captain America himself was a cunning little bitch.” You joked, shaking your head. You and Steve, hell, you and everyone in the tower had that kind of relationship. And, he knew you swore like a sailor, so he even ignored it sometimes.

At that moment, Bucky walked in. He looked so handsome with his shoulder-length hair and baby blue eyes. He even looked a little nervous. Well, that’s not surprising, you thought. Everyone, even you, was a tad nervous on the first session.

Steve put up one finger and said, “Let me talk to Buck alone for one moment.” You nodded and he walked Bucky out to the hallway and shut your door. You heard whispers being exchanged and was a little confused but whatever, you thought. You were sure he’s just giving Bucky encouragement. 

You went over and sat down on your grey seat and picked up your chamomile tea. That was probably your favorite part of being a therapist, getting to sit down in comfy chairs all day with your tea. Besides helping people of course.

The door opened once again, with Bucky and Steve reappearing. “Thanks for doing this again, Dr. Y/L/N! Bucky will love you.” Steve said, patting Bucky on the back. You smiled and he exited, leaving only a nervous-looking Bucky standing there.

“Why don’t you come over and sit on the comfortable couch across from me, Bucky?” You motion, pointing over to the couch across from your current chair. He nods and goes to the couch. Well, at least he looks a bit more comfortable, you think to yourself.

“So, what do you want to talk about? Anything is on the table.” You say. You’ve found that not going straight to the tough topics help patients build their trust with you more.

“Well, doll, how about you tell me about yourself first.” He says, getting a bit more confident now. Doll? That’s an odd name to call your therapist. But whatever, you’re sure they used it a lot in the old days. Letting it slide, you try to answer his question.

“Well, I was born and raised here in New York City. I got my PhD. in psychology from NYU and I have an apartment in Brooklyn. I got this job after only one session with Tony Stark and now I am the therapist for the Avengers.” Sure, it was a lot of work, but you absolutely loved your job. Helping the heroes who risk their life to save yours and everyone else’s was the least you could do, you thought.

Bucky nodded and said, “I’m from Brooklyn. Looks much different now than it did when I lived there though. A PhD.? Damn doll, you must be super smart.”

You smiled at his compliment. “Thank you. It wasn’t easy, but it was definitely worth all the late nights studying.”

“So, anything else you want to know about me before we get started?” You asked, getting your notebook to prepare to write notes about Bucky and how to best help him. 

“Get started? Damn, doll. I was thinking we could grab a coffee before we ‘get started.’ But it’s good with me, I guess the girls roll a little different in this time than the 40′s.” Bucky says, chuckling to himself.

You were in the middle of getting to the correct page in the notebook but paused when you heard what he said. What did he think you meant when you said ‘get started’? It sounded very different from your meaning. And getting coffee? It almost sounded like he thought this was a date? You shook your head at that thought. No way could he possibly be that confused. And Steve said he thought you were cute, but you seriously doubted that the Bucky Barnes would even consider going on a date with you. So no, it definitely couldn’t be that. But whatever he thought this was, there was obviously a miscommunication that you had to clear up.

“Uh, Bucky? I think you must be confused. Steve told me that he convinced you to have a therapy session with me this afternoon. What did you think this was?” You ask, a little scared of the answer. 

At hearing this, Bucky seemed very confused. “What do you mean, Steve told me that we were meeting here before going out on our date?”

Now it’s your turn to be confused. What does he mean by ‘our date’? 

“Uh, Steve never said to me that we were going on a date. He told me that he convinced you to have a therapy session with me...” You said, shaking your head in confusion. This made no sense, what was going on?

Apparently that was the conclusion Bucky just got to as well,  because he looked up, a little embarrassed and said, “I’m so sorry. Steve told me that you wanted to go on a date with me and that we were going to meet in your office before going out. I never would have agreed to this if I knew what he was really doing. I’m just going to leave, I’m so sorry for wasting your time.” Bucky raced his hand through his long hair and stood up, walking to the door.

At first, you were a little stunned. The Steve you knew, the world knew, would never pull a trick on anyone, especially his best friend. You knew him enough through your sessions to know that he would only do this if he absolutely had to. Which means he must be desperate for his friend to get the mental help he needed. Also, Bucky was just so damn cute and you have had the biggest crush on him ever since you went to the Captain America exhibit in the local museum for a school trip. You always saw him in the pictures with Steve, his heart-stopping smile still doing wonders on you despite the worn black and white photo.

So, you jumped up right when his hand touched the door handle to leave and probably never see you again. “W-Wait!” You said, hating your stutter but just cringed and kept going when you saw him turn around curiously. “While you’re here you might as well just talk to me. If you hate it, you never have to see me again and can just ignore me in the halls. But, if this session does help you, maybe we can schedule a bit more and see where it goes. I really think I can help you, Bucky.” After you finish your awkward speech, you just smiled and waited for his definite and irreversible no. Well, at least you got the chance to help him, you thought. 

He just sighed and shrugged saying, “Well, I’m already here I guess. But are you sure this could end at any time and that you even want to help me after my dumb friend tricked me into embarrassing myself?” 

You smiled and that last part and smiled, just grateful for the opportunity to help someone so burdened and has done so much for the world. 

Bucky walked back over the his chair and said, “So, Doc, how do we start this?”

You grabbed your notebook again and turned to the right page again. “This is your session, it can start with however you want. But it might help to start from the beginning. How did you feel when you got drafted into a World War when you were only 18?”

He looked deep in thought and said, “Wow, no one ever asked me that.” He sighed before adding, “Of course it was my duty to fight and all that, but I was angry at the world for forcing kids who just barely turned adults to fight their wars for them. I knew it was going to be an adventure, but honestly I was scared shitless, doll.”

You nod, your empathy for him skyrocketing even though you guys just started.

And that’s how your bi-weekly sessions with Bucky would usually go. You guys talked about a whole manner of things, like his past in the 1940′s, his brainwashing with HYDRA, Steve saving him, and his nightmares from everything included. You two were closer than you normally let yourself get to patients. You didn’t know if it was because of everything he had gone through, or maybe even that you finally got to talk and help the Avenger who needed you most, but you honestly didn’t care. Your sessions with him really seemed to help him and now he hasn’t had a nightmare in over 2 months. Bucky seemed a lot happier and waved and talked to you in the halls. Steve even said that he hasn’t seen Bucky like this since the 40′s. You thought that with all things considered, he had a ton of improvement. You two had only been meeting for about 6 months and his progress was truly great;

You tried to forget that in your first meeting he thought you were going on a date and even apparently called you pretty. You knew that nothing romantic should ever come out of your patient and therapist relationship since it was obviously wrong. Every therapist knew that under no circumstances should you date your patient. It would always hurt the patient’s mental health even more and that was the opposite of your job. You suppose it could technically happen if you stopped being his personal therapist but it wouldn’t be worth it. All of his hard work would have been for nothing. 

But you couldn’t help but think what if? What if it ended up working out? What if he got another therapist and you could date him? What if he was the one? But no, you were getting ahead of yourself, you thought. Bucky was great and handsome and so, so perfect. He was honestly everything you wanted in a partner. And still, you couldn’t take the leap. If it didn’t work out and you were possibly the reason his mental health got worse you could never forgive yourself. So every appointment with him you just smiled and tried to ignore that pressing need, even though you were beating yourself up for either being a coward or for being so selfish that you wanted to take that chance.

One day you were in the middle of researching new ways to help a client’s recent mental health issue and trying to (and failing) ignore a certain issue when Bucky walked in with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and a nervous look on his face. You stood up, very confused but nonetheless making yourself known. 

“Uh, Y/N? Could I maybe talk to you for a minute?” He asked. You’ve never seen him dressed so well. Normally he just wore either workout clothes or sweatpants. You two even often joked together that he owned no normal clothes. 

“Yeah of course. I’m sorry I didn’t know we had a session today.” You said, cursing yourself for making such a mistake. Usually you were pretty good with schedules, even though working with the entire compound was a bit much to remember. 

“Oh, we don’t. I just wanted to ask you a question.” Bucky said, biting his lip. A nervous tick that you soon discovered in one of your early sessions together.

“Sure, ask away.” You replied. You were getting a little worried. Surely he didn’t want to end your appointments together, right? Did you do something wrong?

“First of all, these are for you.” He said nervously as he handed you the flowers. You smiled, surprised that he remembered you telling him your that your favorite was y/f/f while complaining that the local florist didn’t have them during one of your bi-weekly meetings. “Thank you, these are absolutely beautiful. I love them.” You smiled and walked over to a window ledge with a vase on it and put them in, admiring how they looked in the sunlight.

When you were finished admiring them you walked back over to Bucky. “Thank you again, they really are beautiful. I don’t even remember the last time someone was so nice and got flowers for me.” You said and hugged him. You knew he wasn’t that great with personal touch but surprised you when he hugged you back pretty quickly. For a moment you just focused on being in his arms but then soon thought of how inappropriate it would look to an outsider and reluctantly pulled away. 

“So, what did you want to ask? Is everything okay?” You ask, quickly remembering that something could be wrong with him.

“Yeah, of course everything is fine. You truly are a great therapist, Y/N. You’ve got a gift.” Bucky said. You blushed at his words and hated that your color would give away your inappropriate feelings possibly. His words did calm you down though. But if it wasn’t about therapy, then what else could it be about?

Feeling your blush go down finally, you nodded and urged him to go on, now too curious to wait it felt like.

He sighed and nervously ran his hand through his hair. “You have to promise me that if this goes wrong, our relationship won’t be ruined. It’s too important for me to ruin by being an idiot.” You immediately promised. Normally you would be cautious about such a thing but you have never trusted anyone this quickly and this much with Bucky.

After he saw your quick agreement, he went on. “So, these past couple weeks, well since we’ve started meeting actually, I was interested in you. I was never going to act on it in a million years but you’ve helped me so much and I think we could really be great together. And Steve might have noticed me staring at you and telling me I should do something about it.” He chuckled. “So, want to go on a real date? I would go the whole 9 yards, nice restaurant and everything. But I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do and know that our relationship isn’t necessarily the easiest to become romantic. I just think you're worth it, doll. You're worth all of it.” He stopped and bit his lip again, waiting for your response.

Your heart soared when you heard his speech. No one had every made you feel this way. You were about to say yes, so close in fact, but then you remembered the real truth. You are his therapist, his doctor, his advocate. That was special and meant something to you. You knew he wanted this but it was your responsibility to make the hard choice, to do what you honestly hated to do but thought was right.

“No, Buck. I’m sorry but I can’t. I just think it could ruin all your hard work and that’s the last thing that I want to do. It just shouldn’t be risked.” You said. Telling him that felt like vomit was coming up and you felt even worse when you saw him look dejected and lose his smile so quickly because of you.

You moved your arm to touch his and try to support him the best you could within your boundaries but he saw you trying to do it and moved before you could touch him. And that really hurt. 

You opened your mouth to try and say that you wanted to say yes, that it wasn’t him and just your job but he put up his hand to stop you and said,”No, I shouldn't have asked, I’m sorry.” before walking out.

After the door shut you just closed your mouth in surprise of how this could all go so wrong before falling on the ground and just sobbing. You were hyperventilating soon and snot was going everywhere but you just didn’t care. You were the therapist, the one who knew all the mental health tips and tricks but you were too broken to think logically and it felt good to just let yourself cry.

This stayed the same for two straight weeks. Bucky rescheduled every meeting and put himself into more missions, especially the more dangerous ones. You would cry yourself to sleep nearly every night and by the morning, your eyes were really puffy and swollen from the night before. Everyone in the tower knew something was going wrong and you could feel their stares of sympathy and worry. You felt terrible but what felt even worse was that you weren’t even speaking with Bucky anymore. And as bad as you felt, you couldn’t help but be even more worried for him. You were prepared to just wallow in your own self-pity and cry for the nth time when Steve knocked on the door and walked in when you were in your office, just drinking chamomile tea and looking at the flowers Bucky got you.

“Hey Doc, how’s it going?” He asked, sitting down and looking worried. You just looked up at him and decided to finally cut the shit and get right to what you were worried about. “Steve, how’s Bucky? And tell me the truth, I’ll find out eventually.” Steve sighed and said, “Honestly he’s not doing great. He looks like crap and is throws himself into missions. Bucky also keeps taking stupid risks that could leave him wounded or even worse. We’ve all spoken with him and he just ignores it. I think the only thing that would really fix him is talking with you. he’s never been like this before, I just don’t know what to do.”

You knew that he would probably tell you the last part, that he feels out of control. Control issues was what you most talked about with Steve during your sessions. Not that you could blame him, you would definitely have them too after everything he has gone through. But that could be discussed in your future sessions with him. Right now, you just wished everything was back to normal.

You nodded sadly, even more worried for him now. But Steve talking to you changed something. You needed to talk to Bucky. And right now. Your fear of rejection was high and you knew there was a fairly high chance that he was too hurt to trust you and that he would probably say no but you didn’t care. Even if he rejected you, you didn’t care. As long as he would be better and your relationship went back to normal, you could live with it. Even if it would take a long time to get better after this, he would be worth it.

So you just looked up, your mind set on what you had to do. “Where is he? I need to find him right now.”

Steve looked up surprised and said, “Uh, in his room I think. He just signed up for another hard mission and we asked him not to but he insisted. He’s probably getting ready since he will have to leave soon.”

After hearing this, you jumped up frantically while yelling “Thank you so much Steve!” as you ran out, not even caring to stop the door from slamming. 

Now, even though you worked in a tower full of superheroes, you were only the therapist and still haven’t ran in a while. So you ran and ignored all the stares of the workers and Avengers. When you finally got there, you were out of breath and breathing hard. But still, you worked through your mini heart attack and knock on the door, still frantic.

You heard some rustling behind the door and a few mumbled curse words when he began saying loudly, “Steve, I’m fine. I’m going on that mission whether you think I should or no-” Bucky opened the door and once he saw you, a probably sweaty, red, and gross you, finished with a confused “-not?”

You put up one finger to signal for him to give you a moment to catch your breath. After that, you joked, “Guess I need to workout more.”

“No, I think you look great. Uh, n-not that my opinion matters or anything. If you think you need to work out then that’s what you should do.” He said, nervously stuttering but nodding at his final sentence like by catching it he saved himself from saying something wrong.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “So, how can I help you? I do have to leave on a mission soon though.”

It broke your heart how formally he was speaking, almost like you were complete strangers.

Maybe you should go, you thought. But no, you had to. Bucky was worth the embarrassment you could possibly face, whether you two were going to date or not. Forcing yourself to remember that, you steeled yourself and said, “I’m sorry Bucky, about everything I said. That date sounded amazing, it really did. I wanted to go and I still do. I was just worried about how inappropriate it would be for a therapist to date their patient. I didn’t want your mental health to backtrack and I honestly thought that I was doing the right thing. But I miss you, Buck. I miss you terribly. And you're worth all of the risks to me, you outweigh them all. So please don’t go on that mission, let someone else take the dumb risks. From what I’ve heard you have taken enough for a while. Please, just stay with me and we can talk?” You looked up at him pleadingly and saw him pull out his phone before shutting the door in your face.

That shut door hurt you, but you were prepared for it and sighed. It was too good to be true, you guessed. The fairytale ending, the white picket fence, the handsome husband. You turned around, prepared to walk away with the  thought of going back to your apartment and drowning your sorrows in chamomile tea and tissues when you heard the door open behind you and felt a hand grab yours to turn you around.

And there was Bucky, smiling like an absolute idiot. And at first you thought that he was making fun of you, but even then you still thought he looked handsome with that smile. “Sam’s in. He’ll take the mission for me.” He said.

“What?” was all you could muster. You had no idea what he was talking about it sounded almost like... That’s when you heard Sam on speaker phone, “Yep, that’s right sweetheart. I’m gonna do the dumb mission. Kiss Bucky real good for me, sucks I can’t be there to do it myself.” Then you heard Sam make a bunch of kissy noises and that’s when Bucky said, “Enough of him.” And ended the call. Then he grabbed your hand once more and shut the door behind you. He backed you against his door with him so close to you that your chest was touching his. 

You were still in shock of your luck when Bucky leaned in and kissed you. You were a little shocked but soon kissed him back, and hard. It was like you were underwater and he was the oxygen. The kiss soon turned rougher and you did not mind at all.

A couple hours later you were both laying on the bed, snuggling and watching a dumb movie that both of you weren’t even paying attention to. You were both just too wrapped up in each other’s presence. “Hey, I think you got some of that exercise you mentioned needing. Maybe we could even do some more if you want.” Bucky said, looking down at you and laughing. 

You hit him lightly but couldn’t help from laughing hard as well. Only hours ago you thought that you wouldn’t get anything with Bucky. No happy ending, white picket fence, and with Bucky, the whole package. But no, you got much more than that. So much more.