#gotta have hands when it comes to gay love scenes

[savethelastdan]

ok the love scene in rwrb was good, y'all were right

[shushmal]

There's an incredibly pretty girl at the front desk in Family Video, and Steve—Eddie's boyfriend of eight months—is leaning over the counter with a sly smile and half-lidded eyes.

Eddie pauses in the doorway, struck dumb for a moment as he takes in the scene, and then gleefully ducks down behind the nearest shelf.

"So tell me," Steve says, all low and intimate. "What kind of movie were you looking for?"

"Um," the girl says. She doesn't sound very enthusiastic—barely indulgent at best. Eddie wishes he could see, but any sight of him will ruin Steve's chances right now. He's got a pretty good mental picture though. "I really like those old black and white movies, the really glamorous ones, you know?"

"Oh, totally," Steve sighs, like he's swooning. "Like Cary Grant, Clarke Gabel?" Eddie can practically hear his smirk. "Katharine Hepburn? Ginger Rogers?"

"Oh, I love Ginger Rogers!"

"Really?" Steve says matching her excitement. "Well, you're just in luck! Robin here knows all about those old black and white movies, don't you Robin?"

Eddie presses a hand to his mouth to hide his snickering. Robin had looked like a hooked fish when he'd walked in, she's gotta be gaping stupidly right now. "Uuuh," he hears her mumbling, and tries not to snort too loud. "Y-Yeah, uh, golden age of Hollywood stuff, absolutely. I could? Show you where they are?"

"Oh my gosh, that would be amazing!" the girl says, her interest in the conversation now warmed by several degrees. Eddie is still a little in awe of how well his boyfriend can sniff out gay girls.

"I got the front here, Robin," Steve cuts in smoothly. "You ladies take your time, make sure you pick out a good one!"

Eddie waits another beat, listening at their footsteps shuffle away, before he pops up from behind the shelf. Steve, lighting up like a Christmas tree, beams at him.

"Am I a genius or what?" he whispers, grinning ear to ear.

"Your lesbian powers know no equal," Eddie says just as quietly, taking the girl's spot at the counter, leaning into Steve's space. Steve happily mirrors him, until they're tucked together, the world narrowing down to the two of them. It's Eddie's favorite place to be. "All hail Steve Harrington, blessid he, lesbian whisper. Come to aid all useless queers in the fight against singledom."

"Thank you, thank you," Steve says with an air of novel benevolence. "I promise to only use my powers for good."

"Dingus. Doofus."

They jump away from each other as if shocked. Robin glowers at them both, but the pretty girl behind her is giggling and standing way too close for friendly, just at Robin's elbow.

"Move it, lovebirds," she hisses as she rounds the desk. "I need to check Claire out."

"I think you already have," Steve says. His smile this time is down right evil.

Robin actually hisses at him, and hip checks him away from the register. Eddie does a bow, sweeping his arm out to give Claire the prime spot in front of the desk, before he turns back to Steve.

"My dear, if you could please," he simpers, all posh and nasally. "Show me to your finest, grossest horror movie, thank you my good sir."

"Ugh," Steve groans already heading off into the shelves, not waiting for Eddie to follow. "You're lucky I love you, Ed. Shit gives me nightmares."

"I know," Eddie sings, chasing him. "I love you too."

[inf3ct3dd]

ellie headcanons pt.3,,,!!

warnings: mentions of boobs, ass (lmao) , mild sexual content, use of the d-slur (jokingly)

content: loser!ellie x reader :3 my pookieeee

authors note: these r actually my favorite things to write ever like im so glad yall like them :333

pt. 2. taglist!!! masterlist!!!!

☆ REALLY likes beef jerky. she’ll just sit there and chew…

- her hands r just constantly freezing. like DEAD PERSON COLD ITS SCARYYYY!!! she definitely uses ur boobs as handwarmers and its JARRING because her hands are actually so cold 😞😞!!!

- HER FEET TOO!!! she has some sort of circulation issues bc you’ll be in bed together and she’ll put her feet on you and you’ll just turn into a cartoon ice cube 😕😕

- the SECOND u have some sort of drama she is seated. like she is so MESSY she will talk shit abt someone she knows absolutely nothing abt just bc u don’t like them. anyone you hate she hates 💪🏽💪🏽

- speaking of she is literally so sassy 😞😞 like she will literally full body turn away from you and look at the window while you drive if she’s mad at you.

- every time you say something even remotely sexual she’s looking at you like 🤨 and trying not to laugh. if you texted her “im coming” she’d burst out laughing and write back like “geez we’re just going to the zoo…didn’t know u were THAT excited”

- has the humor of a middle school boy. she has an actual problem w deez nuts jokes 😞😞 she thinks its SOOOO FUNNY to give u fake backshots whenever you bend over around her. fake moans and everything 💔💔

- a pharb AND a barb. she definitely knows all of super bass by heart, and she knows how to play savior complex on the guitar. duality of women!!!

- every time you say something nice to her she’s like “ew thats gay” and then she gets upset when u get upset for it 😞 so RUDE actually!!!

- really likes doing facemasks with you because you always put them on for her, and because you look really stupid with them on.

- this video. js this whole video like!!! she definitely has that dinosaur hand sanitizer AND that backpack!!

- likes rings cuz she thinks they make her look cool, but she literally cannot keep them for more than a month. they get lost SO EASILY!!!

- knows a concerning amount of things about the roman empire.

- definitely saw the barbie movie with you, and got so embarrassed at the ken guitar scene ☹️ “do i do that??” and you had to hold back laughter and tell her no

- if you have little siblings, they LOVE HER. she is so good with kids its insane. she would definitely do the griddy w ur little brother and you would NEVER let her live it down

- if you take her to a family gathering, she’s either talking with your uncles or hanging out with your younger cousins. she’s scared of your cousins your age bc they’re “cool like you”

- definitely bought you lego flowers at one point and sat on the floor and built them with you

- has those glow-in-the-dark stars on her bedroom ceiling

- would absolutely lick your salt lamp “for science”

- one time you put her hair in pigtails and she wore it the whole day, and refused to let her friends make fun of it cuz her “wife” did them

- talks about you like a 40 year old man talks about his wife. “gotta get home to the wife” definitely has “happy wife happy life!” on a tshirt

- built the two of you a house on minecraft and put your beds next to each otherrrr :((

- carved your name on her skateboard and guitar

- had an AWFUL emo phase in middle school. terrible. was absolutely an avid tumblr user

- such a nerd about vinyls. would take u on dates to her favorite vinyl store, and buy you a new vinyl player because “yours damages your vinyls, and the audio quality is shit” (you randomly bought it on amazon)

- just knows so many facts…about things…. like she’s always talking to you like “oh my god babe did you know that-“

- would get “jealous” of your pets whenever you’d pet them or hold them in front of her. just going up to your cat like “she likes me more than you”

- made herself one of those “i love my girlfriend” tshirts with your face on it

- your dad definitely loves her because they have so much in common. grilling, fishing,camping, she’s like the ultimate dad-dyke

- can fall asleep ANYWHERE. like the second she’s tired she’s just 😴😴 and she’s definitely using you as a pillow

- one time the two of you went to a family party and you found her asleep on two folded chairs

- you’re her wallpaper on all her devices.

- every time you ask her what she’s doing and she’s playing guitar shes like “just fingering my guitar”. she thinks its SOOOO HILARIOUS

- definitely says white ppl shit all the time on accident . one time she said “lets rock and roll” when you two were going somewhere and she literally didn’t talk for 5 minutes cuz you could not stop laughing

- LOVES burts bees !!! her lips always taste like their strawberry chapstick and its wonderful

- has a pair of lightning mcqueen crocs

- LOVESSSS when you paint her nails and do her makeup (she just likes you sitting on her lap)

- definitely one of those girls thats like. obsessed w doctor pepper. its a serious problem 😞😞!!!

- has a little shoe box full of receipts, polaroids of you, and little souvenirs from your dates. :((

- literally melts when you scratch her back

- very into horror games/analog horror. definitely binge watched markipliers “faith” gameplay and talked about it nonstop

- miles morales is def her fave superhero. has so many of his comics and LOVES the spiderverse movies. calls you her gwen 😞😞

taglist!!! if ur name is crossed i cant tag u :((

@syrenada @dinaissoprettyoml @kingofmylastkiss @as2rid @greencacty @melissabarrerass @bratydoll @lov3lylotus @forelliesposts @echostinn @f3r4lfr0gg3r @r3wbeef @leatheredhearts @mousymaven @mina-281 @princessguardian444 @calystas-morning-tea @horror-whoree @slutshies @bearieio @mag-mfm @bubs-world @paran0id0blivi0n @sawaagyapong @bbygrlshelbs @gayh0rr0r @pl9ys @ellieslilslvvt @dollietes @elliesmellsbadd @ibloom4u @ddreabea @beestar120 @brunettedolls-blog @girlwonderchloe @elliesgflol @maris-koffin @emonopolyman @iloveeyousblog @fr3sh-tragedies @ilovaffles @certifedcrybunny @elleatethat @baldph0bic @clouded-whispers @4rt3m1ss @saggykneecaps @swtsuna @ell1esslutt @minixmel @yuyans-stuff @owmoiralover @thecowardwrites @lunascerebro @elliestrwbrry @iwantsoda @teeveegirl @dinasmoon @urnewghostfriend

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - The Summer Games BLgin.

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. Those Greeks did have that reputation for naked dudes rolling around together so I'm declaring it...

BL OLYMPICS!

I'll be passing out metals in various sporting events, as part of the weekly updates through mid August, just for funzies.

July 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) eps 9-10 of 12 - I guess mass murder is nothing next to having to raise funds for your basketball club. There were a lot of water sports in these eps (no not that kind). I’m not complaining. The street BB playoffs were fun. Frank is GOOD. I didn’t know he played. They aren’t using doubles for this. Meanwhile, it’s a bummer this one can’t be a poly romance. 

Winner!

Gold in Handball

for that shower scene in ep 9 (also... ya know, DUNK TANKS)

Balls in hands of all types.

Briefly must chat about that intro/outro music. It's like Thai autotuned Stray Kids. Which means I kinda adore it.

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 5-6 of 10 - I guess he’s had a long time to learn how to fight really really well. This is a fun show. It does occasionally feel like a bunch of gay boys playing dress up. I LIKE P’Third a lot. I hope he doesn’t turn out to be an actual baddie. I’m finding the music a little intrusive in these episodes. I love the deconstructed suits look, and the velvet blazer. Very 90s. The confessions scene was very cute. It’s a good thing Vee is so easy-going, because the last few months of his life have been truly insane. And now he’s queen of the castle? Still working his convenience store job?

I honestly thought we'd just get kisses halfway through not a full on sex scene. But it was very sweet and tender. Appreciated, boys, thanks. However it’s never a good sign when the sex scene is it at the halfway point, it just means there’s gonna be a lot of trauma to come.

(I gotta say every time Daou smiles he actually looks his age.) 

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 8 - I like them now. I mean as a pair of characters. I wasn’t really sold on the main couple until this episode, and now I’m interested (yes I am shallow). The boy with the glasses is definitely sus. I’m quite drunk, thus I have to say Sailub is the hottest thing on my screen right now. Metas's taste in interior design sucks. OK, that physical therapy session was sexy. I wasn’t sold at first, but now I love this side couple too.

Argh. SailubPon kiss so well. Also COUNTER LIFT!!!! 

Silver in Weightlifting

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 - I’m the one who always says this stuff, but this pair might be the best at relationship heat. Let me try to explain. They are good at putting on screen the kind of NRE, want to bone, just really into each other physically and also connected and loving. It’s the way their bodies always arch towards each other. They’re very comfortable in each other’s space in a way that’s really rare to see out of Any BL country but Taiwan. I think they might be my favorite couple currently active. I don’t know how to put it except that

it looks like they want each other,

it looks like they like each other,

it looks like they’re into each other,

and it looks like they GET each other.

It’s nice to see on screen. The plots/stories/narratives that they're given aren’t doing them any favors, but man they’re a good pair. Meanwhile, was I screaming the whole time don’t rip the sample of the custom piece? Yes I was. But it was still sexy.

Sam getting discovered was fun! Yo is gonna burn his arse good.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 8 of 12 - Okay! Officially boyfriends. I almost like the friendship btw Atom and Mudmee better than the romances. But they all so cute. 

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 4 of 12 - I hate the gf intern so much. I think she is past redemption now - time for death. What is it they say about ADs? they do all the work, for none of the credit but all of the blame.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I guess Peak’s dad really is that awful. Jane is the beard? Got it. The show got suddenly quite sweet and complex. Where did that come from? Meanwhile ,Almond + Latte + sex education is awesome. Great trope we rarely get in BL. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 7 of 10 - Look, what’s really annoying me is that I am neither upset nor pleased with the show. I like to be driven one way or the other by Meme. Trash watch here. (delayed this week, I can't face it)

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 1-2 of 12 - Out the gate I don’t like it. I don’t really like the teasing thing and the acting is poor. That said, neck kisses in the very first episode do make me happy. So I’m gonna keep watching. As for ep 2, I like the sides, and we have gay brothers trope activated. I also like the paranormal element, it adds some much-needed tension, but it is still a little slow (typical of a pulp).

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - I like our poor lost puppy slowly figuring out what’s going on. It’s so elegantly done. Also, the the boy begs his quiet seme to SAY something, you know he’s gonna DO something instead. 

I could have done wihtout the pan around the head kiss. We over that, 8 years ago.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Why don’t I like this show? I had to think about it quite a bit. It’s the power differential. I never enjoy it when the character with less power is the one doing the pursuing, it comes off as too desperate or something. In this case he is: from the country, poor, and younger, It just makes Takara’s dismissive attitude and snobbery unpleasant to watch. Also, you know me, =/= obsessive stalker behavior. 

It's airing but...

Bad Guy (Korea YT) - yeah, erm, no thank you.

4 Minutes (Thai Netflix/Grey) ep... - Great, a rich boy studying business at uni, suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future. I try to catch up next week.

I have a source, but I simply didn’t have time to watch it. So sorry. Too much traveling too much BL to keep up with. A perfect conflation of conflicting priorities.

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - it's your funeral (or, more likely, one of the main characters'). You can argue but... statistics. You know my feelings on this matter. MY BLOG, remember?

64.media.tumblr.com

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!!

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming Up Next!

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return, and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: the premise? Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

8/4 Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun ????) 10 eps - OMG a uni student who looks too young and a... COP. GAH. The subversion and kink of it all. Please Gaga pick this one up? They made it for US.

8/7 Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Weds ????) 8 eps - office romance around the makeup counter featuring a younger seme and sex by blackmail. I am intrigued. DFTUJ (don't fuck this up, Japan).

8/8 Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs WeTV ) 12 eps - I am so DAMN excited to see Big finally lead a BL. I can't even with this, one of my most anticipated of this year. He's a great kisser ya'll, he's kissed a lot of boys as second lead. I can't WAIT.

8/12 First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) 12 eps - About a singer with stage fright and his timid fan stars Charles (H4 the puppy one) and Michael Chang (the youngster in My Tooth Your Love), plus side couple featuring a Thai actor Jame (Koh in Gen Y) and Liu Min Ting (of Guardian fame). What a damn tean. I can't wait. With thier powers combined!

8/16 The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) ? eps - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

8/22 The Paradise of Thorns (Thai movie) theater release - Jeff Satur is back but this does not look like a BL (the gay lover's death is the inciting event). More in Goodbye Mother vein. Looks dark and dramatic. He opposite and extremely well known actor Toey Pongsakorn who has never done gay before.

Addicted Heroin (Thailand adaptation) is also supposed to release this month. GIVE IT TOO MEEEEEE. I don't care about anything else but August back on my screen. It's been almost a decade since he did BL.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

This week's adventures in caption "out of" and "off" are not the same thing. This is an uncomfortable thought.

I'm so tired I'm seeing double. This is all you get.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

Sports in Play (the jokes write themselves) )

Boxing

Breaking

(That's Not) Cricket

Diving (yes, for that)

Fencing (yes, with those)

Handball (exactly what it says, no, read the word.. again)

Rhythmic Gymnastics (obvs)

Squash (snicker)

Surfing

Swimming

Trampoline

Weightlifting

Wrestling

[flavored-soda]

BuckTommy/Kinley/Tevan Headcanons because the brainrot is real

Rating: Explicit (18+ minors dni)

One thing I gotta get out of the way is that Buck was a sex addict at one point. He’s not a newbie to the BDSM/kink scene and he’s certainly not a virgin. He may not know every little thing about gay sex but he’s not clueless.

Ok, so now that that's out of the way:

Buck bottoms majority of the time. Their first time, Tommy bottomed, and while it was great and amazing, once he tried it for the first time, he found he preferred it over topping.

Tommy has a major Daddy kink. He brought it up ONE TIME, once, and Buck has not forgotten. He waits for the perfect opportunities to use and abuse the kink in his favor.

Which brings to my next point: Buck is a brat.

One of Buck's favorite things about sex before Tommy was getting to eat his partner's out. He loved having his mouth on them and being able to reduce them to squirming messes with only his mouth. It's no different now that he's with Tommy. He loves sucking him off. He even ate out Tommy one time and he found it to be a religious experience.

Toys on toys on toys on toys. Buck has always been one experimental and kinky motherfucker. That didn't change with Tommy.

Tommy is a soft dom all the way. He can be mean but he has to be in the right headspace and often takes some planning on both their parts.

When Tommy is mean, he is mean. He'll never admit it, but he's a little bit of a sadist, and watching his boyfriend squirm and shake from dry orgasm after dry orgasm or being edged for hours really does it for him.

Buck loves himself some impact play. The flogger that Tommy surprised him with one night is his favorite. He finds himself begging for Tommy to use it on him almost every scene.

They end up having more vanilla-love-making sessions than anything. Sometimes, they can weeks to a month without their schedules truly lining up to spend time together probably, so they cherish when they can. The intimacy of just being in each other's space, being able to be so close with the other and holding each other means more to them than any kind of hot and kinky scene.

Aftercare (because it is very very important people!!!):

It depends on the type of scene what aftercare each of them need: Tommy usually always needs cuddles. He likes being the big spoon and running his hands over Buck's body, placing soft kisses where he can. He's checking his handiwork while also checking to making sure the younger is okay. If he can't have cuddles, he'll settle for holding hands, he just needs to be touching Buck in some way.

Buck is typically always down for cuddles and kisses, especially after particularly rough scenes. Praise and words of affirmation are another big thing on his aftercare list and Tommy is always happy to provide.

There are times when both men need something different. Sometimes, Tommy, who is normally the talkative one, goes silent and needs that silence. When he gets like this, Buck will usually pull the older man on top of his chest, letting Tommy's head rest right over his heart as he combs his fingers through the older's hair. He'll give him a kiss or two every once and a while until they fall asleep.

After particularly hardcore scenes, Buck will need a minute or two to come back to earth (especially when he first starting subbing for Tommy.) During this time, Tommy cleans him up, gets him water, maybe a snack, and lays next to him, running his hands through the younger's hair and down his cheek. When Buck comes back to himself, it can be a lot. Often times he needs lots of praise and reassurance and skin to skin contact. But there are times that Buck needs one of his boyfriend's hoodies, a movie or show in the background, and the most contact being one of Tommy's hands on his thigh or around his shoulders. He'll always fall asleep with the hoodie on only to wake up later, complain about how hot it is, and press his newly naked torso to his boyfriend's.

When the aftercare continues into the morning, whoever wakes up first either cooks breakfast or orders food (it's usually Tommy waking up first, years out of the military and he still can't break some of the habits.) The day is usually a lazy one, spent in little to no clothes or only each other's clothes. The farthest they'll go is lazy makeout sessions. Except for that one time that Buck had ever so desperately begged to give Tommy a blowjob, only to nearly fall asleep with Tommy's cock in his mouth, his head resting against the older man's thigh. Needless to say, cockwarming become a regular thing after that.

Bonus:

Tommy has been out of practice for a long while, at least a couple of years. He was just as nervous their first time as Buck was.

Buck still is recovering from his Buck 1.0 days. It's something that Tommy notices and helps him through by getting Buck into sex therapy (with a therapist who isn't going to take advantage of him) and will come to sessions when asked.

feel free to come scream at me in my asks about these :D

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Deborah Kerr (Bonjour Tristesse, An Affair to Remember, The King and I)— For several decades she held the record for most Oscar nominations without a win (6 in total), and she was a prolific leading lady throughout the 40s and 50s. She's best known today for the romance An Affair to Remember with Cary Grant, and as the governess in The King and I. Many people have this erroneous perception of her as extremely prim, proper, and virginal, but this could not be further from the truth. When she first came to Hollywood under MGM she was typecast into boring decorative roles, but broke sexual boundaries for herself and Hollywood generally in From Here to Eternity, when she made out (horizontally!) with Burt Lancaster (on top of him!) in the famous Beach Scene. She went on to play many sexually conflicted women, a character type that would define most of her post- Eternity work. She continued to break Hays Code boundaries with Tea and Sympathy, which addresses homosexuality/homophobia head-on, and even did a topless scene in The Gypsy Moths 1969!! One of the only classic stars to do so. She deserves a more nuanced and frankly a hotter legacy than she currently has!!!

Ethel Merman (Anything Goes, Call Me Madam)— Possessed of a bold, brash voice, and an even bolder and brasher presence, Ethel Merman might be more well known for her stage roles, but she made several movies, and was bold and brash in them as well. Also I think if I don't submit her, she's going to come back and haunt me.

This is round 1 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut]

Ethel Merman:

You've gotta love any woman who got typecast as lead-MILF

Deborah Kerr:

I think she was one of my first crushes before I realised I was bi in The King and I when I watched it as a kid honestly. The kissing scene in From Here to Eternity is iconic for a reason. Actually tried to learn the accents for the characters she was playing if they weren't English which is more than pretty much anyone else was doing then. Played very restrained characters who frequently seemed to be desperate not to be so restrained. Did horror movies without venturing into hagsploitation tropes. Gave Marni Nixon the credit she deserved for her share of the singing in The King and I.

Anne Larsen is a peak late 1950s bisexual with big MILF energy. Have you seen the behind the scenes pics of her wearing a suit?? Have you????? Vote Deb as Anne Larsen.

Nominated for an Oscar six (6) times and never won, but besides her having actual talent (hot), and besides her looking Like That (very hot, also beautiful), she was always playing women who are, like, crazy repressed. Which makes it fun and easy for me to read these characters as queer. Icon!!!! You know what's hot? Playing ambiguously gay in vintage Hollywood.

Her face and talent and body, yes, ofc, duh. But also!!! Her HANDS!!!! I may be but a simple lesbian, but she is the best hactor (hand actor) that ever lived and that's HOT! For propriety's sake I feel I must redact a large portion of my commentary on this subject. Anyway. She's hot in her most famous roles (mentioned above), and also some of her sexiest hacting is on display in An Affair to Remember (her hand on the bannister when Cary Grant kisses her off-screen??? HELLO???), Tea and Sympathy (when she's trying to persuade Tom not to go out and she keeps flexing her hands like she wants to reach out to him but can't??? ALLY BEHAVIOR! WE STAN!), and The Innocents (which opens and closes with extended shots of her hands bc director Jack Clayton was also an ally and he did that for ME). Much of her appeal also lies in the fact that she often played deeply repressed characters and you know what's hot? When those uptight characters finally unravel. It's sexy. It's cathartic. It's erotic. Plus, she's beautiful to look at in both black & white and technicolor, and the more of her films you see, the more you can't help but fall in love!

Literally is in thee most famously sexy scene of all time (or maybe just during the hays code era which is what we're talking about HELLO), which is the beach scene with Burt Lancaster in from here to eternity. To quote a tumblr post of a screen capture of a tweet of a video of joy behar on the view: "y'know, there used to be movies where they were kissing on the beach... From Here to Eternity. They're kissing-- Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr are Kissing on the Beach and then the WAVES crash!! You know exactly what they did!"

She might have a reputation of being chaste and virginal or whatever, but we all know it's the quiet ones who are certifiable FREAKS

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Eps 30-33 Commentary

No meta, just reactions! I have less to say about some eps so I'm combining several episodes worth. To make up for my head-emptiness and lack of meta, I've included more pictures lmao. Spoilers under the cut!

Ep 30:

"You really are pitiful." Li Lun waking up thinking of ZYC's words oooh they did that opening line for Li Lun/ZYC lovers (me)

What a homoerotic way to give the Truth Eye

ZYC and ZYZ having their first drink(s) together here, ZYZ and Li Lun having one last game of chess here. Gay ppl will go “I know a place” and take you to a damp cave and a little stone table in the Wilderness

Oof. The apparent inherence of winning/losing in their activity of choice compared to the drinks that took place here between ZYC and ZYZ. Even with a draw, it’s competitive by nature. If Li Lun knew about the three (very intense, very intimate) toasts that came before in this very spot, I wonder how aggrieved he’d feel.

Ah well there goes the date spot /:

I’m so happy to see LZY (Bai Jiu’s actor) get to fight! His fight scenes in MTJY were awesome and he continues to impress here as well. It’s so fun to watch!

………..to revisit my question from previous commentary about when the grievances against Ying Lei will end, the answer is never ;-;

Damn…For ZYC to promise to spare Li Lun after all that Li Lun has put him through specifically and personally. ZYC really fucking loves ZYZ doesn’t he.

I’m so fucked up over Ying Lei’s last words jesus christ.

ZYC sobbing and feeling the fleeting warmth of the rock Ying Lei was just leaning against…when will the world stop taking away his family members??? His brothers???

That scene of everyone looking at Bai Jiu after Ying Lei dissipates. The fact that he's right there. And it’s like they traded one life for another. The two babies of the group. Goddammit.

Do NOT hit me with Bai Jiu’s actor singing “Broken-Tailed Bird” right now oh my god

So like…regarding ZYZ losing his demonic power, does he still count as the most evil demon of ZYC’s time? Can someone ring Ying Long and ask?

ZYC crybaby oh no I can’t believe he’s crying over ZYZ being so weakened aw I love him

My god, Bai Jiu running after Ying Lei and into ZYC’s arms has to be one of my favorite sequences in the whole show. So so good. So so painful. Between this scene, all the flashbacks, and ZYC’s reaction when he died, I’m at least glad the show is spending so much screen time and significance on Ying Lei’s send-off, even if I’m heartbroken that he’s gone. We couldn’t even have the whole family reunited for one moment.

Also have you ever seen a man so mother?

No but seriously "Cry if you want...[tears] have to do with our hearts" ZYC my healthy masculinity king!!!

This song fucking hurtssssssssss this cheese (it's buttermilk) hurts everything hurts

I’m glad PSJ gets time and space to react. Her lines about being a mortal and not being needed are so good but also ow!!! And oh WX always knows exactly what to say to her 🥹

I love everything ZYC says to Bai Jiu about each family member (like yeahhh WX is unlucky 😭 and yeaahHH PSJ does need support too) but MAN the way he says ZYZ’s name is so fucking good. The fact that it gets so much emotion across without saying a single word further as he gets interrupted. His voice and his expression both collapsing a little in that moment. Efficiency of acting strikes again.

Is it even possible for ZYC to cherish this little family more?

Yo this dramatic ass lighting on ZYZ and ZYC standing in the doorway. Why y’all need so much drama just to talk? Also oughhhh ZYC’s gaze is a mess looking every which way while discussing WX’s poison. He is such a bad liar (but he looks so good doing it). Is that why they gotta talk about this like ten feet apart so ZYZ can’t see him lying? Lmao

Okay also tho if ZYC's coming around looking like this I am not hearing a single thing he's saying:

They flashed back to the previous time ZYC held his hand out but cut away from ZYZ taking it this time. Is it bc the absolutely unfettered tension between them can’t pass censors anymore? Haha god but that shot of ZYC slowly meeting ZYZ’s eyes from ZYZ’s POV whewwww we don’t got the skinship but their gazes are kind of insane??? TJR in blue contacts is too powerful I'm shaking somebody needs to stop him.

Ep 31:

Trying so hard not to be driven a little crazy by the lapses in continuity in this show (‘: It’s just tonal and costuming stuff that are a little difficult for me to ignore, just the fact that it’s kind of apparent which scenes were filmed in what order based on their costume/styling changes + the sets, and how sometimes the tone from the previous events don’t smoothly carry over because of this. But it's momentary, I just gotta. Power through.

YO the Pei siblings sparring was so cool and for what. They should have had WX spectating instead of staring at nothing in the previous scene (-:

Damn how long has it been since they played the fun music. Also feels kind of wrong without Ying Lei though fml

Awwww Qing Geng I missed her she’s so cute!! I wasn't doing ep commentaries during her arc so I gotta make up for it here. Her actress is so talented and adorable, and her costuming in this show is stunning!! Her lashes!! Her colors!!

THE TREE BRANCHES lmfaooo ZYC what happened to being worried for ZYZ’s weak body?? We really haven't had a moment like this in so long though (':

Well I do like the reason why WZY had a fake out death, that’s pretty clever and narratively sound, but also oh god what in the AOT??? The inner cores hidden in the medicine is some odious fucking work dear lord

I also like that the endgame is coming about from what initially seemed like another small-time case. Of course the evil physician's huge scheme at the end weaponizes plague and poison and medicine.

Ayeee fun that they used the teleporter on WZY instead of as a getaway

Lmfao ZYC just standing there taking a huge hit of the poison smoke. Poor baby doesn’t watch movies and doesn’t know smoke from a bad guy always means some kind of poison

Why does poisoned!ZYC have such an incredible smokey-eye siren look I’m shook

After knowing the poison is about indulging in your greatest wishes, the first moment ZYC woke up and approached ZYZ they sure looked like they were about to indulge in something sorry ignore me

The way this is so similar to ZYZ’s imaginings where he and WX always turn around and look at the camera. The show wants censors to believe they’re looking at ZYZ but we've known all along who the third POV is here

Also why aren’t ZYC’s bro and dad in the wish illusion?

Ohh the eerie instrumental rendition of the OST when ZYC draws his sword is too good. And yesss we were so due for some more crazy dream fuckery like is this real? Is this real??

Ep 32:

The team is spread so thin )-: One man (mountain god) down and a whole town to save and an immortal villain to vanquish.

WZY's eagerness in trying to goad ZYC into killing himself while poisoned is so so sinister goddamn. I love how disturbing it is to slowly realize what he wants without any lines at all

ZYZ shielding ZYC from a huge fucking fireball with just his hand is adorable and sad:

I already normally love Li Lun's whole leaf-swirly entrances and exits but you know I cheered when he deus ex machina-ed his way here!!! With that bgm too!!!

Li Lun came back to accept ZYC into their throuple. He's had some time to think and yeah he's decided ZYC's kinda hot and maybe shouldn't die or else ZYZ will be sad.

):

ZYC's soft and anguished, "Qing Geng" when he realizes she gave him her inner core. That's my bleeding heart hero ;-;

Throuple of the fucking yearrrrrr:

Spoiler for ep 33/34 but—watching Bai Jiu watch the three of them and realize he can't do anything to help here... It would have been dangerous for him to stay, but I wonder if things could have ended differently ):

Ep 33:

Oughhhhh Pei Siheng ))): The cruel fucking poetry of PSJ, the most emotionally closed-off character, having her heart, her brother, made into her armor. And then to lose him once more.

ZYC proving time and again that his heart is entirely boundless and he'll shelter anyone from the rain and he just wants everyone to live:

LI LUN/ZYC LOVERS HOW ARE WE FEELIN'?!?

Did not expect MORE ZYC choking now that they're on the same side but yeah Li Lun is not one to let go of a good thing I get it. I'm screaming but I get it. "I'm giving you half my demonic power" yeah right just admit you like doing this dw Li Lun this is a safe space.

Literally what am I watching and also no don't mind me, keep going. Feral over ZYC dropping his hand and letting it happen.

But lmfao the way Li Lun did not need to be doing all that, like he sends his power out to ZYZ without even making physical contact. He could've just grabbed ZYC by the shoulder.

Can't believe I just keep winning:

ZYC didn't even know what Li Lun was doing putting his arms around him and he just let it happen. That's some next level trust.

Ah goodbye Li Lun, presumably another victim of the "(ex-)villains can't have good endings" brand of censorship

Oof I love that the initial horror after the seeming victory is reserved first for the simple fact that ZYC and ZYZ are separated, that ZYC can't go to him the way he was intending to. Even when it's unclear yet that WZY is still alive, just the wrongness of them being divided this way is so poignant. ZYC has such a helpless look about him when he says ZYZ's name.

Goddammit WZY saw Li Lun choke ZYC and got ideas.

Oh I love the uncertainty of whether the One-Word Spell works on ZYC or not. ZYZ's sudden and intense fear. Also though WZY tries to use ZYC dying as a deterrent for ZYZ blowing up the barrier but he's literally choking the life out of ZYC as we speak

Bai Jiu's completely unrestrained screaming and crying in pain is so brutal to listen to. His scenes go on forever. Also, the choice of having some of his flashbacks be blurred and vague in the background, once again something privately kept for the character

ZYC holding out his hand to ZYZ a third time ;-; The utter relief of being able to reach each other again paralleling that previous horror of separation.

ZYC physically feeling Bai Jiu's death oh god. We do not get a single moment of happiness and victory in this drama everything is bought with pain and returns pain I hate it here.

Also another post-finale thought (spoilers for the end of the drama)—If ZYZ remained in his weakened state, I really am curious if he would have still met the conditions of the prophecy (ZYC being cursed to kill the most evil demon of his time, if the prophecy is indeed conditional like that, of course). If that could have been a technical loophole, did Li Lun giving both of them his power and then ZYC giving ZYZ his as well basically fulfill it again? I mean, logistically speaking, without that extra power, I'm not sure if ZYZ would have been able to trigger the Baize cycle again (or whatever it is he did to save the town). So the show's final tragedy can be traced all the way back to these moments of giving out of love and protection, just as Bai Jiu being in the perfect place for his final sacrifice came about because ZYC, ZYZ, and Li Lun were trying to protect him and get him out of danger. The way love and grief are so helplessly, inevitably intertwined that one begets the other. They were all just trying to save each other.

On that completely painful note, that's 30-33! And it'll be downhill from here for the next one (-:

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

It's the penultimate episode... so many feelings. *wistful sigh*

Wait, the Matt Mick thing is actually happening? Lolol.

BUT WHO IS GOING TO KISS BEER?!?! Boy is doomed to keep being the witness to all these gay shenanigans, he needs his own boyfie! Papang, still time for a cameo...

Q, you are turning into quite the smooth romantic...

I love that they tease Q about having a romantic moment when both Chain & Mick are keeping a constant hand on their boys, and Tan literally can't stand upright without holding onto Fang.

Six minutes in and I'm already dying.

Also Poon, Satang, & Boom living the dream, getting to feed cute little penguins for work.

Omg, Chain! You need to walk up to him and say "I like you!". (Also yes, I acknowledge as an American I have a strong bias on what counts as direct communication, lol. But the point still stands that Pun needs it right in his face to get it).

But also, please, yes, do a penguin dowry.

Also, it is funny to me that Tan, who has been pretty oblivious to every other couple's feelings, has picked up on Chain. Which shows how everyone knows but Pun.

I know I've said this pretty much every time, but I just adore how this show keeps showing that they are all friends with each other, it's never just about the couples.

Aw, Pun asking for snugs. Ooh - is Pun actually starting to get it?

Q literally can't see anything else when Toey is around, my heart.

You know, I think Toey still doesn't quite grasp how deeply Q loves him... it was one-sided for so long, he's still catching up on what it feels like to be cared for back. Don't worry boo, you'll get there.

Ok, was not expecting this! But I am here for it!

I also have to point out, in my obsession with what this show is doing with tropes, that Toey is the closest we get to a blushing maiden in this show, and he may be shy and inexperienced, but he still gets to enjoy sex. Excellent.

Lol, Phum does not have to be told twice he has a green light. Dude has been waiting since day one for this.

Gotta say though, the TanFang scene was still the hottest. AouBoom are so ready to be leads.

I love that Fang 100% knew Tan would come find him and demand kisses.

Lol, it's handy being friends with your boyfriends brother, you can get the intel.

Why does Pond holding a teddy bear always make me so weak?

Oh god, not the sad puppy noises.

I love that the most implausible part of this plan is Tan not being free for Fang.

Phum is so happy, I'm going to cry.

Lol, of course Beer already gave him a gift, he is the one who is always ahead of everyone else!

Swoon. Just swoon.

I love how they are communicating about Peem going to meet Phum's family. It's so lovely to have a couple who actually talk about things.

And this!

I know there will be people in the tags flipping out if Phum forgives his dad, but this is his story and his journey. It's not about if it resonates with every viewer, it's about Phum figuring out what he needs to move on with his life, whether that includes forgiveness or not.

Another stellar costume choice.

Also Tan making Fang wear pink, lol. He's going to show that love dammit!

Omg, not the whole group waiting for Pun to admit he likes Chain.

Good boy Chain! Love the confidence!

Perfect use of the festival to show how the love in this entire group has just expanded and deepened over the past year.

Gotta admit, I had some penultimate episode anxiety, but nope! Still fluffy!

[autumnleaf1111]

𝙸𝚏 𝚋𝚜𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚝:

The “Chuuya shoots Dazai” scene

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Chuuya: this is probably the gayest scene we’ve done… Asagiri! What are even doing anymore!?

Asagiri: making the audience suffer— I MEAN, we need drama.

Dazai: uh huh…

Fyodor: nah fam, y’all two have done gayer shit.

Yosano: “you used corruption believing in me? How beautiful…” you two made that scene so much gayer than it was intended.

Ranpo: WHERE IS ED?!?!?!

Nikolai: Yo, Fedya! You got the garlic breath and pecans?

Fyodor: yup! You got the knives and water?

Nikolai: mhm!

Yosano: tf is yall about to do…?

Fyodor: Dawg, Our business, is our business so kindly kys.

Ranpo: DID NO ONE HEAR ME?!?!

Dazai: yall here sum’ ?

Chuuya: Nah, I think I still got some water in my ear from when we were supposed to drown me and Fyodor.

Higuchi: I can smack your gay ass upside the head if you need?

Chuuya: where tf did you come from?!

Higuchi: My dead mother, NOW WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MY SHERBET?!?!

Gin: uh, that was me, my bad fam.

Higuchi: I’m telling your brother you have a boyfriend.

Gin: BRO WHAT?! IM INTO GIRLS TF

Higuchi: get me new sherbet then

Gin: no, tf? It’s like 3 bucks, you’re not broke.

Mori: both of you stfu before I take away your crowns.

Gin: whatever

Higuchi: *rolls eyes*

Fukuzawa: Mori, your daughter is trying to break into the alcohol room again.

Mori: Motherfuck— ELISE ELORI ANYA, WHAT DID WE TALK ABout………slowly fades from the room

Kunikida: has anyone seen Katai? We were supposed to go to the new cafe later but I can’t find him.

Nikolai: I saw him by the cameras, I think he was trying to fix it or smth, idfk

Kunikida: Thanks Kolya—

Fyodor: Oi! Watch it Kunikida, only I can call him Kolya.

Kunikida: I get it Fyodor, you’re in love with Nikolai but that doesn’t mean you need to be such a simp.

Fyodor: I am not—

Chuuya, Dazai, Yosano, Higuchi, Gin: Yes you are.

Kunikida: you’re lucky he’s not paying attention, as usual.

Fyodor: alright stfu. Kolya, let’s head out for now, we still got an hour before we gotta be back.

Nikolai: ‘ight, Let’s get boba!

Fyodor: whatever you’d like, Kolya!

Dazai: Nah…they’re so gay for each other, yet too stupid to realize it.

Yosano: you can’t be talking, you’re just as stupid.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Dead Apple, Chuuya’s gotta put his face in Dazai’s crotch—

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Chuuya, reviewing the script: *murmurs* then you lean your head close in Dazai's lap— I NEED TO DO WHAT?!?!

Dazai, sitting across from Chuuya: nah, wtf, BRO?!?! ASAGIRI, IM COMING FOR YOU TOMORROW.

Chuuya: There's no way I'm doing that! It's ridiculous!

Dazai: I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to do acting with you.

Chuuya: we are gonna be laughing the whole time— what is Asagiri trying to accomplish?!

Yosano, sitting beside Asagiri, handing him a container of random foods: thank you for doing this, they need to get their feeling together, so if this doesn’t work, I’m locking them in a closet until they talk shit out.

Asagiri, sipping on his soda: so, who should we do next?

Yosano: hm… how about my idiot brother Ranpo and his “best friend” Poe, they are so in love it’s unbelievable.

Asagiri: wait— they aren’t already together?!

Yosano: Nope! Sadly.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒���༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Nikolai frees Fyodor and Dazai, then calls Fyodor his best friend.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Fyodor: holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

Sigma: Bro, you good?

Fyodor: fuck, fuck, FUCK—

Sigma: Uh— Fyodor? Yo! Russian rat bitch, Are you okay?

Chuuya: no, he’s not

Sigma: Why? Tf did Dazai do to him?

Dazai: I didn’t do shit!

Sigma: then why is dawg freaking out like his favorite drag queen just died?

Chuuya: you remember the part where Nikolai held his hands?

Sigma: yeah? Why?

Dazai: well, considering it wasn’t in the script, Fyodor wasn’t expecting his crush to grab his hands so now he’s freaking out.

Nikolai: is Fedya okay?

Dazai: oh he’s fine, he’s just having a gay panic right now.

Nikolai: uh, why?

Chuuya, trying not to laugh: Bro, Nikolai, you grabbing Fyodors hands wasn’t in the script so of course he’s flustered by you, you make him blush all the time.

Nikolai: I make Fedya blush?

Dazai: Every time you get close to him he blushes and is nicer to you than the rest of us, I think Fyodor has a crush on you, Nikolai. I know you like him too.

Chuuya: Dawg, don’t even try to deny it Nikolai, I’ve seen you two have a cuddle session in the break room, you and Fyodor may not be together but you are definitely in love.

Nikolai: ok look, yes, I’m in love with Fedya, but like hell I’m gonna say somthing. I’d rather not ruin what we have now.

Sigma: I’ll lock you two in a closet until you talk about your feelings.

Nikolai: uh— no?!

Chuuya: Nikolai, Fyodor is your best friend and you’re in love with him, he’s in love with you, it’s not that hard to figure out, so tell him you love him.

Nikolai: you have no room to talk, Chuuya, you’re also in love with your best friend.

Chuuya: SHH, he’s literally right there!

Sigma: I’m gonna lock you and Dazai in a closet to talk about your feelings, as well.

Chuuya: no, I’m good

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Tecchou fighting Kenji

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Kenji: Man, when we finish filming the show, I hope that Jouno gets to live in the end, then you two can have a lovers kiss!

Tecchou: Wait what—

Jouno:What?!

Kenji: oh, c’mon! You two have so much chemistry on screen!

Jouno: Kenji, there are no feelings involved for me and Tecchou, the show isn’t even a love story!

Kenji: With the way Asagiri has everyone acting in this, it’s basically a BL

Tecchou: Kenji, why do you know what BL is, aren’t you 10 or something?

Kenji: I’m 14, not 10, but still, even off cameras you two act like a married couple.

Jouno: we don’t act like a married couple.

Kenji:I could convince Asagiri to have you two adopt me in the show later…

Tecchou: No—

Jouno: just drop it, he’s not letting this go.

Tecchou: Whatever, let’s go back to the dorms.

Jouno: Mkay

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: none, just them being dumbasses

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Higuchi, kicks the break room door open: if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

Everyone:…

Higuchi: Damn, all y’all hoes depressed.

Q: you didn’t clap either.

Higuchi: SHUT THE FUCK UP—

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elise, trying to go with Dazai when he left the Mafia

Dazai:you can’t go…

Elise, still trying.

Dazai: no…I’m sorry, you can’t go.

Elise: fuck you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gin, sitting on the steps to her apartment.

Some lady walking by: and they were roommates.

Gin: oh my god they were roommates.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elise: CHUUYA! Is that weed?!?!

Chuuya: no— it’s a crayon—

Elise: I’m calling the police!!!

Elise, types 911 on the microwave waves and they answer.

Chuuya:….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dazai: you either buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonalds.

Q: we going to McDonalds if it don’t do my work?!

Dazai: No?!?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kajii, poor a box of cereal in a bowl but lemons come out.

Kajii: welp, when life gives you lemons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chuuya: Q, let me see what you have!!!!

Q: A KNIFE!!!!

Chuuya: NO!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[issybee06]

Because…

Part VI

Warnings: drinking, smoking, stab wounds, fighting, badly written fight scenes so sorry, blood, vomit, crying, children in adult situations, arranged marriages, Hiruzen being useless, Danzo hate, dysfunctional political figures, slow burn, Kakashi and his stunted emotions, canine traits Kakashi brain rot cause who doesn't want that? family issues, longer chapters, trying to make longer chapters, cousins fighting, bastard discrimination

Mamihlapinatapia

(n.) a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin

………………………………………………………………………….

As children, the concept of a ‘crush’ was so innocent. It was a sweet thing, something adults gush over if they ever find out, something your friends teased you about as they try to push you in the direction of the person you fancied.

It was innocent. 

You’d make love notes, buy little treats or toys, and leave them on your crushes desk when they weren’t looking. Then you’d park over at them all day, hoping by some miracle the crush would instantly know you were the one to bring them the gift, even if you never signed it.

Kakashis desk was always littered with gifts or cards the one year he was at the academy. He was cool, and little girls would gather to watch him practice or spar. It could make one flustered, how good he was. It was was almost unnatural how amazing he was. No bloodlines, no special clan gift, just him.

As a child, I always wanted to talk to him. Our parents were friends, I wanted to be his friend too…but he looked right pass me.

I wasn’t the best student. I struggled at taijutsu, my fingers would get twisted if I tried to do a hand sign, and when I got scolded I would tear up. No one in the Capital yelled at me, I was a Princess, (Y/n)-Hime, but here I was just a regular kid. Titles, clans and such didn’t matter to children at that age. Sure, it made you look cool, but if you weren’t rising through the classes and being the best you soon got dumbed as a loser.

I wasn’t the worst student, Obito was levels behind everyone, Anko goofed off so much she got a bad reput but was smart when she applied herself, and Gai couldn’t even use Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, but it was humiliating because of who I was. What I was.

How could the granddaughter of Senju Tobirama, the man who created most of the Justus known, suck at being a shinobi?

I never wanted to be a Shinobi.

I was happy living in the capital and being doted on like a princess, learning how to sit and eat like a proper lady, wearing beautifully crafted kimonos and yukatas, and reading history books in the gardens without any fear of being attacked by an enemy.

I had felt betrayed when my mother left me in Konoha, leaving me to become something I wasn't. I wasn't like the children at the academy, I was years behind.

Kushina, my mother's distant cousin, saw me struggling and took me into her care. I had been living in the Senju mansion by myself the first year I came to Konoha, and after Kushina started tutoring me after my academy classes I began to stay at her apartment.

Little by little my stay at the mansion became less and less, and soon the room I had called my own held nothing of me…and I left the house.

Kushina said she saw herself in me, having also come from a different land and struggled in the academy. She had Mito-sama, and I had her.

………………………………………………………………………….

I stay under the shade of the tree, leaning against it as I watch the academy kids run around and play. My arms were crossed, and I frowned slightly as I watched the little blonde-haired boy sit by himself again. He sat on the swing, dragging his feet on the dirt as he pushed himself, toeing the ground. It was cold out, yet he was barely wearing anything. I frown more, leaning into the tree. Gotta remember to buy him a scarf…

“Youre not supposed to be here.”

I look over, eyes softening slightly, “Hokage-sama…”

He smiled, walking closer to me with his hands clasped behind his back, “if I remember correctly, you're supposed to be looking over the new genin files for your first students.”

I huff, shoving my hands in the pockets of my jacket. I frown as he speaks, slowly loosing motivation to listen.

“…I have other stuff to worry about, I can’t babysit preteens right now.”

“Oh? And that would be? Forgive me, Y/n-hime, I’m old and my memory seems to fail me.” He was teasing me, and I sigh as I push myself off the tree and follow him as we walk away from the academy.

“…I can’t take care of kids right now, I have my assignment to do. Kids will only push my deadline back more and cost more lives to be lost because I’m not working on an antidote.”

“You have an apprentice, yes?” He asks, and I huff. I roll my neck, my tired eyes looking over at him as he faces forward, “Setsuko is smart, but she can’t do it on her own.”

“Ito Setsuko, the laxative creator in the Chunin exams, yes?”

I snort, feeling a bit proud of the teen for being recognized, “yeah…she’s a good kid, but she’s not ready for such a big task, Hokage-sama-”

“Hiruzen. I raised you for a good amount of your life, your mother too, I think we’re familiar enough for you to not need to call me ‘Hokage-sama’.”

My expression softens slightly, taking him in. I knew he still felt bad for not being a better father figure to my mother, not helping her when she was denied as Senju clan head, not and he was trying to make up for it through me. It was sad.

“Hiruzen-Jii…Setsuko isn’t ready to do an assignment this important yet…I’m not ready to take on students…can’t even take care of my Senseis own kid. ” I spoke softly, kicking a rock as we continued to walk through the village. His expression droops, and I could hear him swallow slightly.

“…you know why you can’t take him in, Y/n-hime.”

“No, no I really don’t…explain it again for me?” I snip, and I instantly felt like a child again waiting for my mother to come home for the holidays only for her never to show.

He looks over at me, and my chest clenches at how old he really looked. The lines on his face didn’t suit him, made him look so much older than he actually was. The wars, the village, so many people either dying or leaving seemed to age him.

He sighs, “…having you take him in will draw too much attention on him…he must remain unknown to our enemies outside the village.”

“Yet him being alive gains him ones in the village…” I hiss quietly, and my hands clench in my pockets; balling so tight my nails pricked my skin.

“…I can’t control what the civilians think-”

“But you could help him out a bit!” I hiss, “do something so that he isn’t suffering!”

He frowns, “…if I could, I would.”

I scoff, rolling my eyes at him. Years ago, I would never dream of scoffing at the Hokage, but now I couldn’t seem to care.

“…he’s a child.”

“He is Minatos child, which makes him if discovered in danger.” he speaks in a hushed, but firm tone.

I clench my jaw slightly, holding my tongue. He was Kushinas son too, her baby, and someone I swore to protect. Back then I didn't fight back when the council refused to let me take him in, always ready to follow orders, but now I felt the need to take him home and care for him.

I could put a second bed in my room, get rid of my desk, and make do with working in the kitchen if I had to. Genma would complain at first, but he too cared about Naruto even if he never voiced it. I would buy parenting books, toys, and anything else the kid needed to get by. I'd care for him like Kushina cared for me…and the council knew that I'd do it.

Would they though? No, absolutely not. Bullshit reason after bullshit reason, nothing that actually gave me a real reason why I couldn't take care of the little boy.

“…if I took him in, no one would touch him. I'd make sure.” I spoke softly, not looking at the disapproving face he was giving me right now.

“Oh yes, because you're not in constant danger yourself for your bloodline?” he pressed sarcastically, and I rolled my eyes again.

“Something I have to live with, all clan heads have to live with, its not just me. Just two years ago the Hyuga heir was kidnapped and almost killed.”

“Yes, and we almost went to war again for it. Now imagine if it was Naruto, we could start a whole new shinobi wa-”

I glare at him, stopping in the street, “if I was watching him, there wouldn't be a chance!”

People were looking. Of course, they were, its not everyday the Hokage graces the streets on foot, but someone yelling at him? Especially the bastard heir of the Senju clan? This was shocking.

He stayed firm, and I could see by the little movement of his hand he was telling his Anbu to stand down.

Yeah, like I'd kill the Hokage. I snorted at the thought, and stood straight. He huffed at my nature, speaking lowly, “…remember your place, (Y/n).”

I shoot him a glare, and bow lowly, “…forgive me…Hokage-sama.”

I jump up, landing on the roof. Three Anbu were lurking there, and hand stances ready to strike. I saw the spiky stuffs of silver hair behind the familiar painted dog mask, and knew that her was glaring at me. Cursing me out in his head.

I huffed, rolling my eyes before stuffing my hands in the pockets of my oversize TI jacket.

“At ease,” I side eye them, walking along the roof with a click of my heals, heading back to the TI building to hide away in my cave.

………………………………………………………………………….

“Are you fucking crazy?!”

I don't raise my head from my work, the dropper steady in my hand.

“Knocking would be most appreciated.”

“I should knock sense into you! Threatening the Hokage, (Y/n)?! In public?! You are crossing too many lines?!”

I spin around, glaring at Kakashi from behind my safety goggles, “I want threatening him, I was speaking to him.”

He glared, both eyes on display. The red glow of the gifted eye seemed to drown him, fighting off the dim glow of the blue luminous poison in my dropper. Such opposites we had become.

“…i can't prote-…I cant spare you if it comes to the Hokage's safety, (Y/n).” he growled, and I raise my chin at him.

“I'm not a threat to the Hokage, Hatake-san. Now, if you'll excuse me…this is a private office.” I turn away from him, a stupid decision if he was actually trying to do me harm.

Quietly, almost unheard, was the sharp inhale from him. I never, never, had used his last name to address him, even when we weren't talking for years at a time. He was always Kakashi to me, never anything else.

He leaves after a beat, and the air is cool again. I sigh, pushing my work to the side to lay my head in my arms. Nothing was the same anymore, nothing made sense. Not that it ever did, nothing was sane or normal when you're a bastard of two highly regarded clans of two highly regarded villages.

Nothing made sense.

The chunin exams, Kushina said, were the biggest event for a young shinobi, bigger than becoming a Jonin. Jonin can be promoted at any time, chunin only gains their rank after proving him or herself to not only the Hokage but multiple other Kages and feudal lords.

Gai was practically buzzing after the first round, the written exam, and even more giddy after we got our of the Forest of death after running into team Minato. Now, he was off the wall bouncing for beating Obito in the 1v1.

I felt bad for Obito, Gai was known for kicking pretty hard and Obito seemed to have received full force. His jaw was bruised, goggles kicked off as he pathetically leaned on the railing with Kakashi and Rin. But I couldn't worry about him right now, not now when names of people were being called and the gnawing anxiety of my name not being called made my heart twist and constrict.

I jumped when a hand fell onto my shoulder, “ You’re doing it again.”

I stopped the assault on my nail beds, and looked over my shoulder at Genma. In two years of being on the same team, I had grown closest to him. He could read me like the easiest open book, understand me like a second language. He knew I was nervous…why I was nervous.

It was normal, even in war times, for Genin from other villages or nations to compete in the same Chunin exam. What made me so nervous was on the other side of the sparing platform was my cousins from Suna…cousins who didn’t quit care for me all that much.

“Calm down…it’s a 1 in 1 million chance you’ll have to fight one of them-”

“It’s still a chance.” I breath, my breath coming in short gasps as the names on the screen began to raffle. 1 in 1million, I tried to remind myself, but fait had hated me since birth.

“The next spar will be Senju Isuzu of Konoha, against Ryōichi Satoshi of Suna.” The proctor announced, and I felt my face turn green as my stomach churned uncontrollably.

Satoshi, my Aunt Hachis oldest son, hated me since my birth for dishonoring the Takamori clan name. Hatred most likely fed by my aunt, who disliked me just as much as my mother.

I walk down the balcony to the stairs, passing team Minato. Rin gave me a thumbs up, unknowing of what I was getting into. Obito winced at me, and Kakashi gave me the same uncaring look he always gave.

“Good luck, (Y/n)-chan! You’re gonna do great!” She spoke with her kind smile, and I couldn’t snap at her. She didn’t know, how could she know she was praising me just before my own death?

I gave her a little smile, and walked on.

Nearing the entrance, Satoshi was leaning on the wall, waiting for me.

“…jūkei.” I greeted softly, and he huffed. He stood off the wall, next to me as we walked in, “don’t go crying to your father after I beat you into the ground, Yaro.” He spoke lowly, his angry purple irises narrowed at me.

He walked ahead of me, getting in his stance. I walked to mine, my breath in short pants as my throat felt dry and full of water all at the same time.

“…Will you fight me as a bastard, or as a Takamori?” He asked, reaching into his back pocket. I swallowed when he pulled out a blindfold, one with the Takamori clan symbol on it. Even since my grandfather, Takamori Akifumi married the priestess Kazema Naoko, their descendants have practiced the Kazema clan fighting style of relying on your minds eye.

Cover the eyes, see from your third eye or something stupid like that. The Kazema is what made the Takamori clan different from other animal summoner clans, yet the Kazema clan is forgotten.

I swallow, following his lead. I bring down my headband over my eyes, and all goes black…until color. I couldn’t see him…I could feel him. His chakra, his smell, the sound of his heartbeat and the small shifts in his stance. Block out one sense, and the others are amplified. 

“And…BEGIN!”

He was running towards me, I could hear him and feel his angry Chakra nearing me. As he went to throw his punch, I dodged, and pulled out a kunai to stab his leg. He grabbed my wrist at the last second, kneeing me in the chin.

I groaned, jumping back. I felt blood in my mouth, my lip split from my teeth being forced to bite.

I could hear him snort, “damn…Konoha has taught you shit.”

I glare, pulling out another kunai. He pulled out his own, and lunged at me. I rolled on my back, and rabbit kicked him away from me before flipping up and meeting his kunai. I couldn’t see it, but I knew he was glaring at me. He pushed against my kunai, backing me up to the wall.

I pulling out another, and swung, but was met again with another kunai, “come on, (Y/n). Fight. Back!”

I step against the wall, and use my chakra to keep myself stuck to the wall before kicking his jaw and jumping back. He snarled, throwing a kunai at my head before following me up the wall. I dodged again, dropping low to sweep his leg but he saw it coming, up over me and landing, swinging his kunai at my exposed head aim to kill.

I grasped his wrist before he could deliver the finishing blow, and using one hand weaved the sign for Katon.

I felt his chakra spike in fear, and he quickly ripped his wrist away and jumped back to great a mud wall to block the fire ball.

I followed the smoke, jumping over the wall with my kunai at the ready in high in both hands above my head. He sees me and rolls away, causing me to plunge the kunai into the wall and embedding it. It would take too much time for me to pull it out, so I left it and pulling out another to attack.

He roared at me, sharp canines exposed as if ready to plunge into my throat as he swings a kunai at me. I block, and bare my own canines, I would not be intimidated and belittled by a spoiled little bitch.

He took an opportunity, punching me in the jaw. I stumbled back, and lost my footing and my chakra gave out in my feet. I gasped, falling back into the mud wall he made. I coughed, wind knocked out of me.

“This is child’s play, a joke! You, a Takamori and a Senju can’t even fight?!” I hear him crouch down, and his hands began weaving, “you dont deserve to live, Yaro, a disgrace. KAZE NO YAIBA!”

My eyes behind my head band widen, and I roll fast to stick back on the wall. He was going to fucking cut me in half, the psycho! I thought at I hear the rock split and the broken half fall and shatter on the sparring platform. I turn my head back to were his chakra was, standing up from my crouched position. It was no use yelling at him for almost killing me, he was trying to and I knew.

He ran towards me, dragging the Kaze no yaiba along the wall and splitting it. He wasn’t strong enough to control such a Justus, and I couldn’t believe my aunt or anyone else on my father’s side of the family would allow him to learn it so young.

We are 8…8 year olds trying to kill each other to appease our families and villages. I thought with a sickening feeling in my stomach as I jumped to dodge his swing of the wind sword. I land behind him, and run up the wall to create some distance.

I wince slightly, feeling pain in my side. I look down, seeing he managed to get a hit on me. I keep my hand on the wound, trying to ignore it.

I was going to run out of chakra if I continued this game of cat and mouse while using my chakra to stick to the wall. I was going to die. I slide, grabbing a hold of the kunai stuck in the wall and sound around to hold myself on it. If I could lessen how much time I spent using my chakra to stick to the wall, I could use it for bigger attacks.

I pull my water bottle out, and pop it open and chug it. To use a water jutsu, you needed a large body of water to hold the jutsu. I didn’t not, in fact, have a large body of water but I could make do with this.

But I had to keep him away first.

I gather my chakra, turning it to wwater in my mouth, then shaping it to a senbon. Tenkyū, I thought before shooting it at Ryōichi.

While he was distracted, I weaved the tiger hand sign as sweat began to drip down my brow. I was getting weaker, I had never fought someone so hard before while using the Takamori fighting style of being blind folded…or ever.

“Suiton: Teppōdama!” I yell out, and water shoots from my mouth.

I hear him yell out as he’s hit and pushed to the ground of the sparing platform. I continue to keep the spray on him, keeping him down.

The water dies down as my chakra fades, and I gasp for breath. I weakly stand, using chakra to slide down the wall. I shuffle towards him, and suck in a breath. I didn’t kill him, his chakra was still very much alive, but the fear that I had done permanent damage made me sick.

“…Since Ryōichi Satoshi is unable to continue, Senju (Y/-”

He kicked my leg, causing me to fall on my back before lunging on top of me. I fought back, kicking and punching my he grabbed my wrist, pinning it before stabbing and kunai through my palm.

I cried out, thrashing to get him off but it was no use as soon as his hands circled my neck. My eyes widen, and I claw at his hands with my free hand.

I could practically feel his smile, “this…this is what should happen, this is your fait!”

“NO!” I was not going to die.

With a hazy mind, I pull my last Kunai out, and with all my strength dug it into the skin of his cheek and dragged it up, cutting open his face and taking his eye.

He screamed, letting my neck go as he pushed away from me, howling like a mad animal. He was crying, begging, screaming as he rolling around on the floor in pain.

Shakily, I sat up, pulling the blooded headband away from my eyes. My face and chest were covered in his blood, and I look at him in terror as medical nin raced to get him out of the area.

The proctor grasped my hand, holding it up and I sat there paralyzed.

“Senju (Y/n) wins!”

I stood up, swaying a bit before hunching over, and throwing up. It was all pain, and I sobbed at the acid and at what I had done. I had taken his eye, I had scarred him for life, he would never recover because of me.

Kushinas gentle hands guided me away, holding me close to her as I cried and hiccuped. I was 8…and I wanted my childhood back. I wasn’t like my grandfather, i wasn’t like my father or my mother, I wasn’t like my Sensei, I wasn’t strong like them.

I didn’t want to be a shinobi.

I wasn’t Kakashi.

I felt a spike of Chakra, and I sat up. I turned to look towards the door, but no one else was in the room. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I grasped the closest thing I could reach, a fucking pencil.

“…this is an S-rank lab…leave or suffer the consequences.” I spoke out, knowing someone was in the room.

All was quiet, still, but my guard never dropped. Suddenly a kunai is thrown at my head, and I dodge it only to have to dodge a second. From the wall emerged three shinobi, all wearing Rain ninja headbands.

“Rain…? Allied yourself to another killer?” I scoff, grabbing one of the kunai.

“Stupid woman needs to mind her own business, meddling in things she doesn’t understand.”

“Scientists are annoying, so troublesome to kill.”

The third doesn’t speak, his eyes narrowed as he pulls out his katana.

“All your data, we’ll be taking it.”

“I seriously doubt that…” I muttered, and blocked his swing with the kunai before pushing him back. I grab my note book, and stuff it in my pocket before kicking another guy as he lunged at me.

I raced to my door, and cursed to find it locked. I didn’t lock it, Kakashi must have that fuckin-

I gasp, my head being pulled back by my hair. Just before I was fully away from it, I slammed the alarm button, causing sirens to wale out and the room to be plunged in red light.

I straddle the guy who pulled me back, punching the shit out of him before being dragged back and thrown against the wall harshly. I snarl, digging my kunai in the man’s shoulder before kicking him in the stomach, and pulling the kunai out. I was not loosing this kunai.

The third guy with the katana, punched me, coming into my blind spot and grabbing my throat with one hand as the other searched for my note book. I lean in, straining against him choking me to bite his ear, ripping a piece off. He screams out, letting me go to give me the opening to head butting him and stab him in the throat.

I wipe my face of the blood, and hear yelling on the other side of the door.

“In here!” I yell, weakly, still a bit winded. I raise the kunai, I still had two more guys to either kill or subdue.

The guy on the floor was knocked out, I wasn’t worried about him, but the biggest of the bunch was still kicking.

“Fuck…”

He lunges at me, swinging his large fist. I jump back, sizing up my options. Larger opponents meant their balance was off more, if I could take out a leg…

He swings again, and I jump just in time to see my table being smashed along with all my shit…and the poison, that’s it!

It rolls towards me, by fait or unluckiness for this guy, and I grasped the bottle and throw it at his face. He yells out, and gets blinded by the poison eating his face away, but he’s still swinging. If I’m not careful, a drop could get on me, or his fist could hit me.

I needed to take him out, and I grab the kunai.

Two steps back, one step forward, one step back, step forward Strike!

I go for his side, stabbing him and jumping away fast, but he doesn’t go down.

“Shit!” What was taking them so long with the door?! Was it the lockdown system?! Can’t they just shut it down?!

I dodge another hit, and back against the door. I peak out the little window to see four ANBU, Genma, Ibiki and Inoichi. Kakashi…he was fucking livid it looked, barking orders that were muffled out by the door. His eyes caught mine before a fist shot out right next to my head, denting the door.

“Holy shit…”

“Found you, mouse.” His voice twisted from his whole face now down to the bone, i couldn’t believe he was still going!

Must be a side effect…gives the person tainted with the poison super human abilities to carry out mass destruction.

Oh, remember that pencil? Oh, it’s going into his head, no joke.

I rawr, plunging the pencil into his eye and using my palm to hit it to go deeper. I hiss as my hand gets the poison on his, and I begin to loose skin on my hand just in time for them to finally open the fucking door.

“FUCKING FINALLY!”

Genma races in, checking me over and holding me close, “are you okay?! Oh Kami I was so fucking scared.”

“Genmaaa, handddd!” I groan, and he curses when he sees my skin is fucking melting.

I lean on him, feeling feverish as the room fills with ANBU and company.

I meet kakashis ANBU mask again, and he watches Genma take me out of the room as his men get to work with dealing with my mess.

………………………………………………………………………….

I was lucky and antidote was made, to stop the rotting. My hand was still fucked, would be fucked for a while.

I was laying in a hospital bed, staring out the window boredly. The nurses wouldn’t allow me to work, telling me to rest, yet forgot that they are the one who prescribe me pills to make me sleep, my insomnia legendary. They, of course, can’t give me the pills while I’m hooked up apparently.

I sit up when Inoichi and Ibiki walk into the room, and I look towards both of them, “well?”

“I did a little digging into our friends mind, turns out Rain is not working with the people who created the poison…they wanted to use it for themselves, so no lead on the creator.” Inoichi spoke, and I huff.

“Go figures.”

Ibiki chuckled, walking over to ruffle my hair, “aye, look at you. ‘Not a field ninja’ my ass, you killed a guy with a pencil!”

“He was already dying.” I point out and he shushes me, chuckling giddily.

“To think, all these years I thought you were a prissy little prin-”

“Thank you Ibiki, you are dismissed.” Inoichi spoke, and sighed softly with Ibiki nodded and left the room.

Inoichi walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed, “…you feel fine?”

I lift my bandaged hand, flexing it.

“I’ll be fine…Hashiramas genes and shit…I heal fast.”

He chuckles, and drags his hand down his face with a sigh, “…you scared us today…that boy too.”

“Genma? He tends to get over-”

“Huh? No, no. The Hatake boy, he was going nuts trying to get that door opened that he eventually used his Chidori to break in.”

My eyes widen…Kakashi was going crazy…cause I was trapped inside the room?

“…really?”

“Yeah, never seen someone freak out so much. Funny.” He huffed again, smoothing his blonde hair back before standing. He placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze, “rest, I’ll take care of this. You did a good job.”

I smile softly up at him, and he walks out, closing the door softly behind him.

I settle back into my bed, closing my eyes. Kakashi was worried about me…

I turn over, and my eyes widen briefly.

On my windowsill was my note book, and a takeout bag from ichiraku. I stood up from the bed, and my cheeks warmed as I took the things off the sill.

“Kakashi…”

[notacyborg]

I loved the deleted scene! I can see why it was deleted. The vibes were off; could be because we come in at a random moment, or the lack of audio mixing.

However, it's nice to see how much Karen and Hen care about Buck!

It’s nice to see they are going at Buck’s pace!

It's wonderful to know Buck is climbing Tommy like a tree.

People who don't like this ship are going to read into Tommy’s tone blah blah blah.

It's just his normal dry wit, and I gotta remind myself that the fandom is on the younger side, and I am in fact, the same age as these characters and have known people just as dry and funny as Tommy who care about people with their whole chest.

So, a story: my Tommy actually named Tommy, lol; we went to the theater, a group of us, can't remember what show we were seeing. It was for my friend’s birthday, and it was like 2007. The stairs at the Orpheum are hella steep coming out of the balcony, and she's 4’11 and was wearing 4-inch heels, lol.

Tommy the big gay bear was holding her hand as we went down the stairs and we jokes that Tommy should just carry her.

Tommy *head tilt* looks friend up and down, “Well, you’re not that light.”

Every started fucking dying birthday girl, too, because Tommy the big gay bear is also like barely 5 feet tall. He meant to say heavy, but the sass just erupted…

Apologies and cocktails were had by all, and it's still joked about to this day.

This is also the man who had me help pick out his grindr picks.

30+ year-olds aren't going to behave like 20-year-olds, and that's okay. Not every relationship is going to be 👉🏻👈🏻🥹🥹👉🏻👈🏻

Folks say they want to see an actual mlm relationship, but when it's not twink for twink or masc for twink, and it’s masc for masc, and they are acting like full-ass adults with hobbies and careers away from each other and talk about their issues in very adult but playful ways people freak out.

I love Buck Tommy, but I want them both to just be happy in the long run.

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

brilliant minds locked-in syndrome guy episode let’s gooo

it may be fandom-brained of me to think it, but the first roman flashback had me thinking “are these guys about to fight or kiss?”

i was wondering how they were gonna get this patient’s consent to be involved in the study, given the givens—gotta say, i’m impressed with how close to my real-world experience of the consenting process it went!

another bit of real-world accuracy: the hospital administrator more excited about the study bringing attention & funding to the institution than what it’ll do for the patient 🙃

really enjoyed the palliative decision-making discussion. some investor may see it as a waste of a surgery, but ericka was absolutely right that the patient’s autonomy a) was the point of the surgery b) needs to be respected. ignoring his wishes would make the surgery a waste.

oh shit, my first thought was right? 🥺 on one hand, tragic foreign gay can feel overplayed—yes, we know, it’s not safe to be queer in many places—but this is a kind, queer show, i want to believe they can do this earnestly and sympathetically.

wolf with tears in his eyes seeing them reunite??? 🥺🥹🥺 i love him

aw, wolf. you gotta respect his wishes, man!

“you saw me when no one else did. which is ironic, because they tell me you can’t see faces. and because it seems like you don’t see me at all anymore.” he’s seeing the gay happy ending, he’s seeing love and hope, and—forgetting that there are other considerations.

carol and nichols reemphasizing the point ericka made earlier makes me pretty sure i know how this episode ends. wolf be professional! you can cry in private about it later!

(show interrupted by an ad for an aldis hodge-led crime show? also starring isaiah mustafa?? a shame it’s based on patterson novels, i don’t really enjoy his style.)

augh, dying with dignity, dying at home—i get it, but wolf deciding to make this happen at his home is very… wolf of him.

jacob! you can’t just ask a man whether he’s ever let anyone into his heart! that’s rude!!

ROMAN SHIPS WOLFNICHOLS??? W H A T

(also: “carol’s not actually that tall she’s just obsessed with high heels” lmao wolf, stop being so funny so fast, i almost missed this one)

not the star map on the ceiling because alex and roman bonded over astronomy 😭😭😭

“my favorites, vega and altair” oh my god, wolf is an unbelievable hopeless romantic

not wolf literally telling the tanabata story, I Cannot

(well, the chinese version, idk that one’s name. google says qixi?)

not higher love!!! i’m gonna c r y

ugh okay, researcher not being informed that their patient is dead is shitty and against protocol (that’s a reportable event even when it’s unrelated to the study device) but this guy having zero concern for the patient in the face of ~proving the value of the work to his investors~ is shittier.

like, have alex say something to the investors if you need good pr. how he spent months in nyc with no idea where roman was or what happened to him, and within a week of getting the chip the team was able to find him, and let them say goodbye. there’s a sob story that’ll make them feel good about how they spent their money!

likewise i see where his mom’s coming from but she cannot keep combining talking to wolf as her employee and talking to him as her son. it’s unprofessional, yeah, and it also makes things so messy. she can’t be surprised that he brings up his father as a gotcha when she does that.

the “privilege” to prioritize the patient in front of him—ugh, shut up forever, he’s a neurologist, not a public health specialist or an er doc doing triage. he’s supposed to prioritize the patient in front of him, it’s not a symptom of his childhood trauma

cringing at the van-ericka scene. felt totally unrelated to the rest of the episode—i went and rewatched the ceiling stars scene on a hunch, turned out i looked away during a ten second shot of ericka looking at jacob and van looking at her. (imo it should have been a longer shot if it was gonna be end-of-episode important.) making the empathic white boy suffer for suffering’s sake… sigh. i am just not interested in this love triangle.

but, talking of love stories i am interested in… we’re really ending the episode immediately after the kiss, huh? okay. OKAY.

[eleanorfenyx]

I have finished Mysterious Lotus Casebook, and here are some of my thoughts! (Obviously not spoiler free)

The cases are absolutely batshit insane and I loved it every single time they were like 'we totally collected this evidence that incriminates a secret suspect, just believe us and also don't question when the fuck we had the time to do this or when we figured out that we needed to look for it'. 10/10 no notes, that's a hilarious way to have a genius detective. Show us nothing, tell us everything, YES king.

That being said, I could have done with a lot less standing around having the supporting cast repeat whatever Li Lianhua and Fang Duobing announce, maybe in an attempt to make sure their genius is clear for the audience? I get it, but at the same time it felt a little too hand-holdy for me, especially in scenes where LLH and FDB had already discussed their findings between themselves before presenting them to the concerned bystanders. I can read between the lines (or else understand what has just been explicitly stated) without having every conclusion filtered through a slightly different sentence structure to make sure I got it.

Di Feisheng amnesia arc my fuckin beloved

Di Feisheng destroying his 'father' and freeing everyone in Di manor in a vicious act of catharsis that tied nicely into the main Nanyin bug-mind-control-thing narrative my beloved

Di Feisheng my beloved

The amount of times I was like...genuinely surprised he and Li Lianhua didn't kiss is both embarrassing (because I do in fact understand censorship and what I sign up for with these dramas and yet and yet) and numerous enough that I could...possibly...theoretically..write a 5+1 fic of every time I want them to kiss about it. No one hold me to that but it's something I think I'd like to do.

Re: the above point: because what the FUCK was that ending?!!! EXCUSE ME?! I gotta FIX THAT SHIT.

There will come a day when the strength of my hope for an unambiguously happy ending in a queer(-coded? is the source originally bl or is this its own thing?) wuxia drama is rewarded....but it is not this day. I must fix this myself.

Jiao Liqiao's laugh is one of the most annoying things I've ever heard. I was reaaaaally hoping someone would just up and stab her during one of her little evil laughing fits. At one point I was shouting "KILL HER, KILL HER" at my screen because I could NOT take anymore of her (unfortunately, I did in fact have to take more of her).

I still think her insistence on being obsessed with DFS is hysterical when he is so VISIBLY only interested in LLH. Explicitly STATES that his only life purpose is to fuck fight LLH again. Babygirl (derogatory) he is so fucking gay let's get you a nice knife to the gut instead, okay?

I thought the whole Shan Gudao plot was interesting, going from looking desperately for his body -> putting him to rest -> hunting for his murderer -> finding out he's alive/the mastermind behind everything going wrong (which I was proud of myself for realizing before the reveal, I'm normally bad at that) -> thwarting him with sass and superior martial arts at every possible turn -> killing him stone fuckin dead with beginner level skills because he's so up his own hole he can't see that's what's happening - was really fun!

He also has a SUPER annoying laugh he can fuck off

OH OH OH MARTIAL ARTS SKILL OF TRANS YOUR GENDER?! I MARRIED HER SO HER AFFAIRS ARE MY BUSINESS NOT YOURS??? ASKING YOUR WIFE FOR HER FORGIVENESS AND UNDERSTANDING AS YOU LAY DYING AND SHE GIVES IT TO YOU?????? OKAYYYYYYY

The twist at the end that LLH is the one with royal blood was so funny to me. Like it's a good twist and I love that Shan Gudao was just quite literally always a fuckin try-hard loser in ways he didn't even know, but also it was SO funny. Granny coming in clutch at the last fuckin minute with secret knowledge she just literally never shared.

LLH is such a smooth motherfucker. Shame about his insistence on dying when quite literally everyone (bar the people who suck) is begging this man to just live. Just LIVE DAMN IT!!!!! I really liked it when FDB begs him to just consider his own life as important for ONCE and remember that people care about him because YES his self-sacrificing and committment to Chilling Out Farmer Style was not the mercy he thought it was!

LIVE AND GROW OLD WITH DI FEISHENG YOU DAMN IDIOT (the likelihood of me resisting the urge to write at least the one fic for them is zero to none)

Unironically love spitting up blood as a plot device and this show is no different. The Drama. The Panache. The desperation of everyone around you because you have BLOOD coming out of your MOUTH and you are FAINTING. Poison acting up? Spit blood. Someone bitch slap you with their magical palm ability? Spit blood. Get stressed? Spit blood. Get stabbed? Spit blood. It's always good!

Okay I think that might be all I've got for now, if I think of anything else I'll add them in a reblog. I thoroughly enjoyed it, would definitely recommend!

[spirit-meets-the-b0ne]

In the middle of my HotD rewatch

The gyroscope of interpretation on this show has been at the forefront of my rewatch along with now having read some of the script and read/watched cast interviews.

This one inference made by Olivia Cooke (via Sarah Hess) has plagued me for the first few episodes.

Now, now I know these waters are really muddy what with a few obvious conceptual things: "isn't this queer baiting" "if it wasn't it wouldn't be good sapphic representation anyway" "this is an actors interpretation" blah blah blah. I'm not arguing any of that.

Just that Olivia's head canon held against this scene hits SO MUCH HARDER

Because I gotta say MY GOD imagine how that strikes Alicent if at some point her mother caught them together. Before they even really knew what they were doing (objectively to the tune of they were 13/14 not fully clear on platonic/romantic love) her mother impressed upon them it was wrong. When they denied and in some way or another Alicent/Rhaenyra saying "she never touched me." Only for Alicent to hear it echoed back to her years later like this... Knowing that even in her naïveté she would recognize the truth. That Alicent’s mother, naturally, kept this contained. Which honestly plays more to truly making Alicent more complex by the way she saw what “scandal” her mother covered up for her only for her to act out some perversion of this with Aegon when she’s a mother. A learned behavior twisted in the worst way, because that's what she knew.

Listen I fully understand that this show is NOT taking this angle even though there seems to be a huge division between what some writers and actors are playing to and the editors at HBO imaginably being like "what's all this gay shit?" BUT

I think it's part of what this show missed about TRAGEDY and I mean come on you want drama???? These girlies were ready to hand it to you on a silver plater! In this context I needed:

Rhaenyra being devastated by the news that Alicent was going to be marrying her father. The sheer heartbreak of “this can’t be happening” and knowing she would have lost Alicent to a husband but not THIS. Show her with Syrax, confiding in her dragon because now she has no other friend to talk to - I’m just saying if they were going with the context of “Fire & Blood itself is an unreliable narrator and only shows certain people’s views” - then a scene like this disrupts nothing. Tell me how when they prayed together and Alicent told her to "kneel with me" that part of Rhaenyra prayed for that world where they flew off on dragon back and ate cake.

Alicent being devastated - having her heart torn in two, crying behind every closed door knowing she was going to break the heart of her best friend. The deleted scene does give a peak of that being the case - but again it could/should have been included. Show me Alicent begging Rhaenyra to forgive her and desperately saying she loves her. I think one of the things that Team Green argues the most could have been explored by this avenue, Alicent is a victim of her marriage - it would be inherently more compelling if in the process she is also losing the closest thing to a "first love" she had. Show me Alicent at her desk writing letters to Rhae once a week and then ceremoniously burning them in the braziers. Alicent leaning more into religion as a means of getting out from under her repressed desires and past actions.

Show me both women struggling in their adulthood to even remember why they held "such childhood affections" for each other. Knock the fucking wind out of me with a line like, "the worst part of it all was that they only ever wanted to love each other."

To me one of the worst parts of this production (of which there's a few) has got to be this was the apex of completely missed opportunities to explore. In the premise of "going by unreliable sources" their queerness would be suppressed information. I even think it plays into the dynamic between Rhae-Alicent-Criston in a kind of "Jennifer's Body" way where Rhae was really only interested in him as the object of Alicent's desires which I believe is made a little clearer in the books. A kind of "see this could have been us if you didn't marry my bag-of-bones father" for Rhaenyra who clearly had no aversion to consorts.

I'm sorry to go on this rant, and yes I KNOW - the counter arguments for many of these points. I would even argue some of them further such as the sapphic representation not being invalidated simply because both women do end up with men in the source material. If this was the case then why was "Portrait of a Lady on Fire" received so well? This at the very least to say if they made Alicent and Rhaenyra explicitly queer it would still be less controversial than what the queer men on that show got … Still its not even to say "it's a better way" to explore more of Rhaenyra and Alicent's characters but its at least A WAY to do it. More than we got. Surely both sides could agree on that.

Sorry, now I'm just being pedantic. As a queer woman naturally I have a bias but I still think this was objectively a missed opportunity to explore. Both girl's back stories could have been enriched and tbh a lot of HOTD fans I know also had the same complaint that the time skip came in too early. I think it also makes things less likely to be so divisive between TG and TB when you look at the central pillars of this conflict. You can truly grieve for Alicent and Rhaenyra and what they lost already while on the verge of losing it all. Anyway, I gotta go cry about my divorced lesbian war wives.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Korea drops my favorite cameo ever & gives KISSES

Entirely subjective yadda yadda. Organized sorta by favs in each category.

Sept 2023 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 4 of 12 - Well that’s one way to find out if he’s gay, see how he reacts to reading a het sex scene out loud. Yai is flirting so hard it’s like he knows everything. 

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 4 of 12 - Oh no! I love them. Also cohabitation trope! Also ALL the other ones: hair dry, meet in childhood... GMMTV going no frills with this one.

Hidden Agenda (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - Zo’s drama over Pat helping Joke flirt seems awfully manufactured. I’m losing faith in this show. Could GMMTV PLEASE hand JoongDunk a decent script? 

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 5 of 10 - Sand & Ray are the only interesting couple, and I’m pretty much only watching for them. They gonna go south fast, tho, and they're already ruined by persistent singing. Ooo. When Sand said Top "stole his ex" did he mean Boston? How gay. 

Naughty Babe (Sat YT) ep 2 of 8 - The pronoun conversation had a bonkers translation but I enjoyed the actuality of it. The reasons for Yi's trickery are very convoluted soap opera. But I suppose that is the amnesia trope for you. 

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki) ep 10 of 12 - Boys. We discussed this already. No sex in onsens! I found this one dull, until the end when LLS showed up. Happy to just have him in everything. Thank you Thailand. Looks like it is a classic ep 11 DOOM next week. Who cares? 

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 1-2 of 10 eps - The usual Thai pulp claptrap this time a reunion romances in and around a convenience store between a boy who recently quit his job and his former bestie who is now a doctor. Mostly not great acting, plot, or production but the sound is okay and no bad effects or singing (so far), so that’s something. The gay brothers have a fun relationship. It’s vampy and campy but fun. I like it but not sure anyone else would.

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - The date was cute but I still don’t like the lead or the premise (we moved into Cyrano de Bergerac territory). It’s moving slowly but it seems like we might be over the crush/stalker part of the narrative, so that’s a relief. 

Crazy Handsome Rich (Sun Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - I just can’t. The sound is too weird. With punch down humor and other issues incoming I may DNF this. You’ve been warned. This ep we got to see LLS with his shirt off. Did anything else happen? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Jun & Jun (Korea Thur Viki) ep 8fin - No wonder he is everyone’s favorite hyung, boy can read the room like no one else. I love that we got to see exactly how clingy and demanding Choi Jun was always going to be. Only Lee Jun is easy-going enough to put up with him. Also I’ve never watched a KBL with more innuendo. For Korea this was… raunchy. I gotta say had Laws of Attraction not come along, Simon might have been my favorite character of 2023.

Final thoughts on Jun and Jun:

A delightful office romance about an ex-idol who joins cubical life only to find his new boss is his first love. Others boys are sniffing around too. Operative word being "sniffing" as much of this romance involves smell. With a snappy script, enjoyable sides, a pretty as peaches cast, and descent chemistry this show made up for in style what it lacked in substance. I like fluff. I loved this. I smiled every moment I was watching. With tons of rewatch potential (especially the last few eps), my only caution is this is for fans of the BL genre only, I don’t think it’ll work for anyone else. A solid 9/10 from me. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

I like that Korea is trying high heat, but Taiwan and Thailand are leaps and bounds better at it.

Love Class Season 2 (Korea Fri Viki) eps 9-10fin -

Omg they so cute as flirty bf. Eeeeeeee! CAMEO!!!!! My fav guest couple ever! So exciting!!!! I love that they intersected with MY Strongberry couple (Private Lessons). I’m not used to this but Holy innuendo Korea, what with Jun & Jun and now this show? It’s a bit much for my gay little heart. The final episode was entirely unnecessary, but it was fun to see them being all domestic and stuff. Maru with his dumb lettuce leaves was hilarious. I feel like I need to rewatch this one to really understand it properly, so I will likely do that soon.

Summary of Love Class 2:

3 couples form within a semester of university: 1. a hyung romance reunion of exes, one of whom has a dangerous past, 2. a friends to lovers romance, and 3. a mature student and TA one night stand + complexities (many aspects of which had me laughing). I enjoyed the characters and dialogue of this show immensely. It was a little bit more breezy and friendly than I was expecting after the first installment, Love Class. I’m not entirely sure Korea can handle multiple couples like this because it definitely felt disjointed, especially the 3rd more mature couple (also my favorite) who probably should’ve had their own series. But it was definitely fun and something different from Korea. 8/10 RECOMMENDED

Also, Korea tried to give us higher heat... that was... interesting. I mean, you tried hon...?

Kisseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 4 of 13(?) - Everyone is a sad sack this ep. Ooooo. Teach/student my favorite. We never get this one. It’s messy. I’m not sure if there is a plot. I’m not sure they’re sure if there is a plot. But I am still enjoying it.

Why R U? (Korea Wed iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 8 - Why is the Fighter character always so frustrating regardless of name or country? Ji Oh stalking his crush via IG is so relatable. He’s very first crush awkward, unsure, and sweet. They also gave a nice kiss - I love the backpack drop (kiss version of a mic drop?) I still hold that if you haven’t seen the original this might not make much sense. But I am enjoying it. 

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 4 of 8 - Oh goody, another JBL where we have to pay attention solely to what they do and not what they say. 

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - Big fat sigh. 

It's Airing But...

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 3 of 24 eps - I couldn't get hold of it and I'm not mad. I'm putting it on hold until distribution gets sorted, or icky get their shizz in order (like that'll happen).

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting

9/15 You Are Mine (Taiwan Gaga) Secretary has to deal with grumpy boss.

9/15 Bump Up Business AKA Bump Up Project (Korea movie) suspected cinema release? I don't know much about what's going on. Last status update. Love story between a trainee who is about to debut and a celebrity from the same agency. Kpop boy group OnlyOneOf has signed up to star in this idol-based BL (based on a webtoon). They’ve been auditioning for this since Libido IMHO. You can watch me chronicle their BL MV series in this post. It’s from Idol Romance who will do sad but can do good kisses (Wish You, Nobleman Ryu, Once Again, Kissable Lips, Poongduck 304, Tasty Florida, Tinted With You).

Still To Come In September

9/26 I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan ????) - Adapted from the manga, childhood best friends: The cool, smart one who’s good at everything, and his average, dorky friend who struggles. Always by the other’s side, but not together in the way they truly want to be. No matter how hard they try, their hearts cannot reach each other.

9/27 Absolute Zero (Thai iQIYI) - from 2021, Studio Wabi Sabi and New Siwaj finally bring us this “time loop to prevent tragedy” romance. We don’t always get HEAs from them, so I'm on my guard.

9/27 Bon Appetit (Korea iQIYI) - from 2022, 8 eps from GoGo Studio, romance between an office worker who lives off junk food and the man next door who cooks well.

9/? Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam YouTube?)

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I love him. And I love his version of this character better than Jimmy's.

I also love it when a show gets meta. (Both Why R U? Korea) Why they didn't just go for YRU? the world may never know.)

(Last week) 

[glitterarygetsit]

ok ok instant rewatch of the relevant scenes - reposting because the cut didn’t work for my wall o’spoilers

Eddie’s confession: noting that after Christopher, the first person he says he lied to is Buck 👀 👀 👀

“you can even take Eddie” “really?” FORESHADOWING

buck needing to be reminded that tommy is gay because everyone is hot to him hashtag just bisexual things 🩷💜💙

HIMBO BUCK CONFIRMED

genuinely this is one of the funniest things that’s ever happened on this show

“How many men did Abby turn gay” - Abby sleep with Eddie next challenge and get this over with

Can I also just say. I love Josh’s pre- vs post-Glee speech. Not to be an old lady yelling at a cloud but even growing up in the early 2000s, when we were starting to get a little bit of rep—Gen Z has no idea. It’s a COMPLETELY different world.

I also really like how Tommy lying to Abby parallels Michael and Athena. I don’t love how close the show comes to completely condoning stealth queer folks lying to an unwitting partner for convenience but like. you cannot conceive of how different the world was, just as I can’t fully conceive of how different it was in the 80s. the 2000s seem like they were recent but the change is enormous.

Ugh I hate Eddie’s constant no homo thing. YES HOMO.

Isn’t the point of confessionals that what happens in the confessional stays in the confessional? literally no-one in this show has any professional ethics

Man this show really loves putting children in pipes huh? but also like MAJOR callback to the well episode. We Know Something LGBTQ+ Is Gonna Happen Today. further professional ethics failures.

uh huh i bet he shared his spumoni with you buck

what even is spumoni

oh it’s a creamy fruity treat 🍨 yeah he definitely shared that 👀

SELF-IDENTIFIED HIMBO BUCK

Tommy realising that if Buck is half Abby’s age… he would also have been half Tommy’s age at the time…

Groaned OUT LOUD when Buck was like “and we have that right [to get married] because of the brave people who came before” BUCK YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD FUCKING ALLY 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ he’s so embarrassing

Tommy like are you breaking up with me? UNO REVERSE BITCH

God everything hitting Tommy at once—realising he’s always known he was on borrowed time, that he needs to get out before he gets too badly hurt. on the other hand tommy you’re an idiot and you need to give buck more credit.

Tommy thinks he understands where Buck’s at because he’s gay and all his relationships with women were lies. But excited as Buck is, he’s not gay—his relationships with women were real! Abby was his “oh shit, next one could be For Real” relationship. The gender doesn’t matter! That’s how bisexuality works!! I really hope Buck gets to talk about that in later episodes.

Holy shit Eddie dancing scene sure is something. I love that they gave Ryan that chance even if it’s cheesy as hell. Also. THIGHS. BUTT. FUCKING THE COUCH ARE YOU KIDDING ME. gays we’re reclaiming couch-fucking jd vance doesn’t get to keep that one.

Eddie opening the door to Buck, seeing him devastated—he’s GOTTA know. And he doesn’t stop smiling. He takes the beer. He looks at it. He looks at Buck. He looks back at the beer, like “why not?” AND THEN THEY BOTH SIT ON THE COUCH HE WAS JUST WRITHING ON

and BUCK IS ALREADY DRINKING

holding the bottle straight like it’s a dick

AND

JUST

SECONDS

LATER

EDDIE OPENS HIS OWN BOTTLE

AND STARTS SUCKING IT OFF

🌈🔥💕👀❤️🌈🔥🍆🏳️‍🌈🔥🎉🏳️‍🌈💖🎉🏳️‍🌈🍆🔥🏳️‍🌈✨💖🌈👀🏳️‍🌈✨🔥🌈🏳️‍🌈👀💖🍆🍆💦🌈🔥💕🥰💖💕🌈👀💕🎉🍆💖✨🔥🌈💖