#gotta go eat dinner
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Whumptober 22 - Bleeding Through Bandages
title: misfortune placed these worlds in us
fandom: limited life smp
welcome back to my bad boys au!! i never expected to write more of it lol now i need to name it
cw: blood and injury, implied/referenced abuse
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A string of whispered curses is all that escapes Grian’s lips, as he clicks on the dim overhead light.
He isn’t usually the one who gets hurt on missions—usually, it’s Jimmy. Jimmy may be the best shot in all the gang, but he’s clumsier than anyone Grian’s ever known. It’s honestly fitting that the first time they met, Jimmy was bleeding to death from a bullet to the lung.
But now Grian’s been hit, and if he doesn’t stop it from bleeding, the others will insist on calling the mission here and heading back to the manor, which cannot happen. He already had to let himself get captured—a bullet in the thigh isn’t going to stop him.
Before he does anything—thrown into this locked closet as he was—he spits out his ear piece from where he’d been hiding it in the back of his mouth. Hopefully it still functions.
Then he shimmies his trousers off and sets to taking care of the wound.
The closet they’d put him in is by no means empty—it’s a janitor’s closet, well-stocked with cleaning supplies and essentials, and Grian grabs a roll of toilet paper off the shelf and wraps it around the bullet wound.
The bullet hadn’t gone in far, buried maybe an inch deep into his flesh. If he doesn’t try to pull it out, he should be good to go in an emergency. He can clean it and remove the bullet later—for now, he just needs to staunch the bleeding.
Even wrapping it around five times doesn’t stop the blood that blooms through the paper, so he tosses the roll to the side and roots around on a shelf, digging through the cardboard box there for any sort of rag. There’s nothing there, but the box beside it has a collection of dirty rags, some kind of polish smeared on them.
Is it worse to put this on the wound, or let it bleed freely?
Screw it, it’s got toilet paper on it. Grian puts the rag atop the toilet paper, ties it around his leg. It’s almost tight enough to be a tourniquet, with how short the rag is, which maybe should help? Grian doesn’t know enough about wounds.
He doesn’t get hurt a lot, but when he does, it rarely affects him. Mumbo has always bemoaned his high pain tolerance, ever since they were in high school together and Grian could walk away from a fight without even noticing the bruises and cuts all over him.
That was how he’d gotten a place in the Bad Boys, actually. Sixteen years old, at a corrupt high school and living with an abusive roommate, Grian had fallen into gang fights too young and had eventually gotten picked up by one.
Too many kids got lost to violence like that. Grian was just one example, amid countless others. As soon as he had enough rapport in the Bad Boys, he’d helped to establish the standard that they didn’t work with anyone under eighteen. In the past five years, Jimmy has been the only exception.
Jimmy’s eighteen, now, and he’s chosen to stick with the Bad Boys in light of his recent adulthood, likely to get closer to getting his own apartment.
Everyone has a motivation for joining up—Grian’s had been protection. He’d made far too many enemies in high school, and he’s certain that his old roommate would have no qualms about killing him if he wasn’t associated with one of the most powerful gangs in the area.
Jimmy’s reason is his sister.
The only time he talked about her was when they first met him. Grian and Joel were fleeing a successful mission, only to find Jimmy on the ground, struggling to breathe around the bullet hole in his chest. He’d mentioned his sister, how much she meant to him, how he needed to get her safe.
As far as Grian knows, he hasn’t managed it yet. Jimmy always looks like he’s carrying a bonfire in his chest, his shoulders weighed down by the logs he keeps feeding it. He’s angry and tired and frustrated, but he never talks about why he feels that way. He just spends hours shooting at practice targets and sparring and moping around the manor, a plastic flosser always jutting out from his mouth. He leaves on weekends, presumably to go home, and always comes back in a worse mood than before.
The only thing that softens the sharp edges of his personality is feeling useful���like being on a mission. That had quickly propelled him into the strike side of the gang, despite his youth. Grian and Joel, already a team, had decided to show him the ropes, and it had turned their team of two into three as they became the only people who would tolerate Jimmy.
He isn’t a bad kid. He isn’t a bad kid at all, he just doesn’t know how to keep a lid on his emotions. He probably didn’t get a lot of attention growing up, poor kid.
Grian shakes himself from his thoughts, checks his watch. Almost midnight. Joel and Jimmy should be doing the final sweep now—they’ll be able to let him out of this closet, then they can pick up any remaining valuables and head out.
It isn’t often the three of them get assigned to a stealth mission. Grian’s not bad at them, but Jimmy’s terrible at sneaking and lying, and Joel’s more suited for sniping, so they usually handle intimidation or company deals. Grian had been relieved for the change of pace—until he was spotted. Now he just has to sit in this closet, waiting for either his team to track him down or the enemy to move him somewhere more secure.
Hopefully his team arrives first.
Grian rubs his earpiece off on his shirt, tucks it into his ear. He’s only had to stick it in his mouth once before, and it had luckily still functioned that time. He can only hope he’s had the same luck.
“Hello?” he whispers, tapping twice on it to activate the mic. “Red to Green and Yellow. Do you copy?”
“We copy,” Joel crackles back immediately. “Thought you were gonna stay silent.”
“Yeah, well. Got myself into a bit of a sticky situation. Check any closets down the fourth hall, yeah?”
“Why, did you leave something?”
“Yeah. Me.”
Jimmy unmutes just to laugh at him.
“I’m flipping you off so hard right now,” Grian says, not actually flipping anyone off. He pulls his trousers back up over his bandaged leg, buttons them. “Yeah, they grabbed me and locked me in here. They thought I was leftover from the recon mission, though, and not the start of a new patrol.”
“So the cover isn’t blown?” Joel asks.
“Nope. They’re even less on their guard, actually.”
“Cool. I’m actually heading down that hall right now. Yellow’s on the second floor, still.”
“Almost done, here,” Jimmy announces. “I’ll be back down soon.”
Grian stuffs the roll of toilet paper into his pocket and stands up, shaking out his feet. It definitely hurts to put weight on his injured leg, but he can walk it off.
The lock clicks and the door swings open just as he’s reaching up for the pull switch on the lightbulb. Joel grins at him, eyes sparkling with mirth behind his lowered sunglasses.
“Little bird locked in a cage?” he asks innocently. Grian shoves him, follows him out. He grabs Joel’s gun from the holster and clips it into his own (where his gun was confiscated from him upon being shoved into that closet).
“Hey!” “Use your spare.”
Jimmy joins them in the stairwell at the end of the hallway, and together they go down the flight of stairs. The rub of his jeans against his leg chafes his injury, but Grian just grits his teeth and rolls with it. They’re almost done, anyway. Just a quick check of the ground floor, then off to the van.
Most of the lights in the building are off, but some reason, there’s one flickering light at the bottom of the stairwell. Grian glares at it, then moves forward to take point—but Joel stops him, grabbing his sleeve and turning him around.
“What’s this?” Joel gestures to his leg.
“It’s nothing,” Grian says easily, shifting to try and hide his leg. Did it bleed through his jeans already? Maybe it’s worse than he thought. . . .
“You’re bleeding, you idiot, did you get hurt?”
“It’s barely a scratch. Come on, we’re—”
Too late. Joel unbuttons Grian’s jeans (Jimmy wolf-whistles obnoxiously), tugs them down just enough to see the dirty rag—now soaked with blood.
“Did you get stabbed?” Joel asks, dumbfounded. “Why are you walking on it?”
“It’s fine,” Grian says. “We can finish the mission, don’t worry about it—”
“You need to get back to the manor, there probably isn’t anything down here—”
Grian casts his eyes around, looking for any sort of way to distract Joel—
Jimmy’s looking on, chewing on one of those constant flossers, and seemingly without his notice, there’s blood trickling down his arm. Perfect.
“Timmy’s bleeding, too,” Grian says, nodding toward him, and Joel immediately drops Grian’s leg to turn toward Jimmy. Grian uses that opportunity to pull his trousers back up.
“What? You too? Am I surrounded by self-sacrificing morons—?”
“What?” Jimmy glances down at his arm. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second, then he hides it behind his back. “No. No, I’m not.”
Joel glares at him. “Mate, I just saw it. You’re bleeding.”
“I—” Jimmy glances around, something almost panicked seeping into his expression. “I—yeah, but it isn’t from this. It’s just—it’s just a little cut, don’t worry about it.”
Joel isn’t having any of that. He tugs Jimmy’s jean jacket off, rolls up his shirt sleeve.
Just above Jimmy’s elbow is a white bandage, wrapped around the bicep. Even in the flickering light, it’s clearly soaked through with blood, some of it seeping out around and dripping down his arm.
“What? When did this happen?” Joel asks, confused. Grian wants to know the same thing—Jimmy didn’t report running into any trouble. Was he just carrying bandages on him?
“It’s from yesterday, I’m fine,” Jimmy says. He looks like he wants to talk about it as much as he wants to eat a lemon. He looks like a tiger trying to sleep that keeps getting poked. He looks like he wants to bite Joel’s head off.
“Sorry, but I’m gonna need more information than that.”
“I fell, okay?” says Jimmy. He rolls his shirt sleeve back down, slapping Joel’s hands away. “I tripped, tried to catch myself on a wall, and caught my arm on a door hinge. It isn’t deep. Let’s keep going.”
It worked as a distraction, apparently, because Joel just shakes his head and mutters something about needing to be careful, before leading the way into the basement. But, for all it got him, Grian just feels like something’s squirming in the depths of his stomach.
Jimmy’s lying.
He won’t meet Grian’s eyes, he would barely even look at Joel. His temper, usually subdued on a mission, had flared briefly, and his hands are still clenched into fists.
He’s lying.
He didn’t fall onto a door hinge.
He probably got into a fight.
You’re supposed to report if you get into any fights with rival gangs, but most people don’t do that. Sometimes it’s embarrassment, sometimes it’s out of fear of punishment, sometimes it’s because they don’t want to be stopped from retaliating.
With Jimmy, it’s probably the latter.
So when they get back to the van, and Joel’s driving them to the manor, Grian speaks up.
“Tim, who’d you get in a fight with?”
Grian sees him stiffen in the front seat. Usually, Grian sits there, but Joel had banished him to the back in order to put his leg up.
“I—I didn’t.”
He’s definitely lying.
“Sure, and I totally didn’t get shot in the leg.”
“Wait, you got shot?” Joel demands. “I thought—geez, Grian, you should have told me, I thought it was just a stab wound or something—”
“Timmy—”
“I didn’t get in a fight,” Jimmy says hotly, turning to look out the window. “I swore I wouldn’t, remember?”
“Yeah, well, that injury wasn’t caused by a door hinge,” Grian scoffs. “People don’t fall onto door hinges, what kind of excuse is that?”
“You weren’t there! And I said—I tripped, and—”
“Sure. You just tripped badly enough that—”
“Grian?” Joel interrupts, a note of warning in his voice. “Shut up.”
The surprise of the command is enough to cause Grian to fall silent. Jimmy keeps looking out the window, uncharacteristically quiet.
No one speaks for the rest of the ride. Grian gets settled into medical and Jimmy disappears, likely for his usual bed (or, perhaps, for the gym, where he can beat on the punching bag until he’s too exhausted to be angry).
“What was that about?” Grian asks, once he and Joel are alone (and he’s hooked up to some IV fluids, his leg properly stitched up).
Joel rubs a hand across his face. “Jimmy’s definitely lying,” he says. “But . . . I don’t think he fought anyone, either. Jimmy would tell us if he got in a fight, wouldn’t he?”
“I mean, maybe. You never know with Tim.”
“Look, Grian—” Joel sits down next to him. There’s something oddly solemn in his face, something that gives Grian pause. “I—I had a friend in high school,” Joel starts. Grian restrains the snarky comment that rises to his lips.
“His name was Oli. Every time I saw him, he had a new bruise. And every time, he made up some excuse—that he walked into a door, or tripped down his front steps, or . . . or tripped, and fell onto a door hinge. Things like that, you know? It was like that every day. Until CPS got called on his family, and I never saw him again.”
The letters CPS sink deep into Grian’s mind. He gapes. Joel shifts uncomfortably.
“He still lives at home, doesn’t he?” Joel says. “He’s just a kid. And whenever he ever mentions his sister, it’s about getting an apartment so he can get her safe. I just—”
“You—you think his parents . . . what, hit him?” Grian asks, cringing.
An awkward sadness weighs down Joel’s shoulders as he shrugs. “I think . . . I think it’s possible. Really, really possible.”
That isn’t rare. In this profession, it’s not a surprise to hear of child abuse.
But . . . Jimmy?
How could anyone hurt Jimmy?
It . . . it adds up, if he thinks about it. It adds up, because isn’t Jimmy always coming in after the weekend with new bruises? Isn’t he always grumbling about clumsiness and accidents? Hasn’t Grian confronted him several times about getting into fights, and each time Jimmy had just argued with him until they both stormed out of the room?
Grian feels sick just to think of it. If Jimmy’s not safe at home, how bad had it been to incite him to seek out gang protection?
“If you’re right—and I’m not saying you are—we should help him with that apartment,” Grian says. Joel nods his agreement.
“Yeah. And soon.”
#whumptober2024#no.22#bleeding through bandages#limited life smp#fic#blood and injury#implied/referenced abuse#trafficblr#traffic series#grian#jimmy solidarity#limited life fanfic#jimmy is that teenage boy that chews on flossers all the time#it's to replace the cigarettes#anyways. idk why i keep writing this au but i love jimmy in it#gotta go eat dinner#lmk what you think!#love you guys
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Custom formline commissions are now open!!!
I was hoping to wait until I had an established new job to post this but the job hunt is still gonna be going for a week at least, so I'm opening these now!! All prices are in CAD, and I'll be accepting 3 slots to begin with!! If you want to see more examples of my formline art check out my portfolio website! You can also check the tag #telekitnetic art on here!!
Check below for more details; shares/reblogs are appreciated!
Details to keep in mind:
Consider your character's design and my style before you submit an enquiry! Some details like overly complicated designs, clothing, etc. may not translate well to formline! When it comes to animals and animalistic characters, the formline will keep the main animal the design is meant to be based on in mind (Ie, semi-canine designs may lean towards traditional canine shapes, etc.)
Because of this, I recommend sending an enquiry only if your character leans towards the animalistic or anthropomorphic side. No NSFW/R18 enquiries.
Payment is to be made via Square, Stripe, or Interac E-Transfer. Due to issues I've seen happen to other artists using PayPal, I'm hesitant to use that service for commissions of this price amount. If PayPal is the only possible service that you can use, please let me know in your enquiry and I can make an exception.
Estimated turnaround for this commission type is 3 weeks to a month and a half depending on the size and complexity. This may change depending on my job search, and I will update commissioners personally if the commission timeline changes!
Also important clarification: these custom designs are not intended to be tattoo designs, please don't send an enquiry with the intent of using them as such!
These are not first come first serve; I'll wait about a day before getting in touch with commissioners.
Be sure to check out my full terms of service here as well!! It includes a graph for a public look at my queue and progress!!
Feel free to DM me if you have any questions or want clarification on something, but please only submit enquiries and commission requests to my email address ([email protected])!! EDIT: I forgot discord is also a thing so if you want to send an enquiry via discord, my username is TeleKitnetic and my number is 3556!
#I'll get to responses/enquiries tomorrow; for now i gotta go eat dinner and look for more full time job opportunities (cries)#formline art#indigenous art#native art#telekitnetic art#art commissions#commissions open#artist on tumblr#art on tumblr#art commisions#formline
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New IM chapter I'm gonna try to get my reaction down
The first being Bendy! So glad you aren't trusting the suspicious triangle demon! However also Bendy! I want answers and Bill is right there offering all of them! But what I found interesting is Bill's coughing. Ya sure could be throwing up an act about spitting out the pieces of code, but they were covered in ink. It's hard to tell if it's Bill being Bill and the code itself was covered in ink or if by eating the code he gave himself ink illness. Could he get ink illness? No idea. But it's an interesting thought and is quick to explain why he keeps pestering Bendy for a favor.
It also makes me wonder what "chaos" does Bendy get into in the future that the cosmics/gods are watching him? Chaos mentions he's a fan because of what Bendy does in the future, and now Bill is here. So what the hell does Bendy end up doing?
Next is Hat and the soulbind, something tells me Bendy isn't getting rid of it that easily. But my question is is how fast is the spread of ink illness and if Cuphead already has ink illness again? Or even more importantly would it be actually able to pass over a soultie? How does Cup's contract tie in this? And honestly why is Cup so okay with this? Considering his trauma I would've thought he'd be pro-get-rid-of-this-soul-tie-through-any-means. Hell considering the risks it might bring with the Devil. I guess that speaks to how much he trusts Bendy Ig. But I wonder if Cup and Bendy's soul tie is the actual reason the Devil wants Bendy under his heel, I can't imagine it'd be easy to keep someone under contract when they make a soul-bond with someone else.
Anyway I got carried away with that. I'm starting to believe that Bendy has a specialty in souls, I'm even wondering if he's a Demon of Death like I believe the Old Devil was? Pretty sure he's a demon of death. It'd explain a lot regarding Bendy's powers. Also it looks like we're finally getting to where Hat's mentorship is coming around to bite Bendy in the butt. I was wondering when that was going to happen. I think that Bendy's "shadows" might be old souls, something he's pulling from the Otherside. Which is why they have emotions or certain personalities. But Idk we'll see.
#orb ponders#the inky mystery#babitim#Babitim Chapter 352#Spoilers btw#Me vaguely mentioning basically all of my Bendy theories in one post w 0 elaboration:#Alrighty well now I gotta go figure out what I'm gonna eat for dinner
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jouno finding out tetchou put off saving the world to find him and tetchou expects him to get mad but instead he starts crying because he didn’t know he meant so much to another person.
#“This Is Ooc” i dont care.#maybe maybe just maybe i’ll havr to write a oneshot#but it’s thanksgiving today so i have to go eat dinner with people so maybe i don’t be able to tn#i also gotta get writing slowburn oh i have so many ideas#suegiku#saigiku jouno#tetchou suehiro#bsd jouno#bsd tetchou#bsd tecchou
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skyglow:
(alternative title: photo dump of a midnight desert run)
#photography#Ford's Art#color says shit#it was either go on a twelve mile run or re-download grindr and get absolutely blasted so I went with the more responsible option.#b because damn I'm feeling it tonight. or at least I was before the run. I need to shower and then I'll cook dinner and go to bed satiated.#I did also jerk off under the bridge and then piss on someone's flowers on the way home. gotta get those animal instincts out somehow right?#anyway I've successfully vented most of my manic energy and a cold shower will finish it off and then we're good.#the mood meds have been helping a lot. last time I got hit with this kind of a mood I came out of it with huge bite marks and chlamydia.#and I haven't been feeling it nearly as bad this time so that's nice. more like a restless dog and less like a caged wolf thirsty for blood.#yes I'm making references to Call of the Wild again deal with it.#anyway sorry to anyone who sees this from the tags and not because you follow me. you didn't sign up for this lmao.#also. this is why I can't be a binary trans woman. this night photography shit is the most gay-man thing ever and I enjoy it.#I was doing it before my last boyfriend but he got me even more into it.#anyway bye I'm gonna go shower and then eat food. I've been hungrier more recently.#between the meds and the hrt my appetite is bigger and I'm gaining weight with the hrt fat redistribution which is cool and good.#I want to be a healthy weight and maybe even a lil chonky? we'll see we'll see.
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Not only does Jehan Prouvaire dress in a bold way that isn't quite taste-adjacent, they also change outfits seemingly magically.
You see them in the morning wearing one thing, at the meeting they are wearing something else. You turn your back on them at a gathering and their elaborately awful outfit has changed to something equally as horrific but the polar opposite of what they had on before
#Thought of this while changing into my floral sundress and floral pajama pants with holes in them#(Different prints and colors)#just to go downstairs to eat dinner with my family#gotta love having an equally outrageous and situationally inappropriate outfit for all occasions#spoken as someone who wore a peterpan collared button up shirt and flats to move boxes#and a floor length skirt and beaded shawl to pick up a car from the auto shop#popcornwithnate#les mis#les miserables#jehan prouvaire#jean prouvaire#les amis
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house inviting wilson to watch The L Word with him is one of the gayer things he's done.
#house md#house md rewatch#gregory house#hilson#house keeps asking wilson on dates and wilson keeps saying he's gotta go eat dinner with a gal
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Coco’s duvet day!! They’re watching hotel transylvania (:
#constance von nuvelle#hapi#yuri leclerc#balthus von albrecht#ashen wolves#fire emblem#fe3h#fire emblem three houses#myart#ty for the request anon!!#sounded like you could use a duvet day yourself#and ty to those who joined me on stream <3#I may render this but I gotta go eat dinner lol#💖
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oh btw i just got one of those big ass monstera plants today :) shes quite small still but !!! yay !!!
#ill show her off in the morning#too dark rn#ive had one of those small ones for a bit as well :)#so its nice to have both#anyways i am not posting this at 2:12 am#who would even be awake at that hour? not me i sleep when darkness descends on us#im just having a snack before i go to sleep#bc im really really hungry#bc its been a while since dinner#i gotta remember to have some icecream tomorrow#bc my brother always eats all of it before i even get to have any#but theres still a bunch rn#i was going to do read in a park i really like#that is a whole train ride away#so idk if that goes with the icecream#ill figure it out in the final hour#yknow a guy once told me im really good at talking to myself#bc it was in a vc but like i was the only one who felt comfortable actually talking#everyone else went into it expecting to be the only one who didnt want to#so it was just me & a bunch of people sending messages#quite fun actually#i wouldnt call that talking to myself though#anyways getting off track#i was just thinking how i enjoy rambling in the tags often & that reminded me of that situation#i finished my snack goodnight yall#mine
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Anyone have any easy (cheap) dinners when you feel like shit and don’t want to do anything?
#I was hanging out with a friend for a bit#and I was doing fine#but then for some fucking reason once we parted ways my mood just DIPPED#so so so soooOooOoo duuuumb#anyway#trying to figure out some sort of easy cheap dinner that I can make#I really don’t want to go out again#(1-nothing sounds good 2-I’m broke and feel like I’m wasting money and 3-don’t wanna go by myself lol)#depression is kicking my ASS lately#and I’m trying to fight back by making food or doing something good for myself#but everything seems to be in my way#gotta figure out something to make then I usually get decision fatigue cause wtf#also literally nothing sounds good anymore I’m just sick of food tbh#then I gotta go shopping for shit cause we have nothing at my place#which is going to take all the little energy I have#and I’m not going to have any energy to actually cook#cause even if I do cook I’m gonna have to clean up and do dishes after#and like???????#how do people do this on a regular basis#I’m having trouble just surviving and people are cooking and taking care of themselves just fine#rant over#probably will end up just saying fuck it and getting something to eat out….. again 🙃#shut up rosie
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I empathize with people who have had enough of offgun but I cannot relate, gmmtv can throw whatever shit at me and as long as it's offgun I will eat it up
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I finished another IAU thing but I don’t have time to upload it before I have to do a bunch of things tonight. drat.
#rambles from the floor#I got roped into being the ride for something (I’m going to but. I’m the ride pfff)#*too#and I’ve gotta eat dinner in a bit then go and I won’t be back until late...#darrrrrn#oh well something to look forward to tomorrow#legend sickfic >:)
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Fate (ty @bi-medusa for the idea!! <3)
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#john doe#I GOTTA GO EAT DINNER BUT I DID IT WEEOOOWWW I can't believe it doesn't suck I was so scared#malevolent fanart
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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on the one hand i want to try for a second wind to stay up and get really into something but on the other hand im sleepy and im pretty sure my husband went to bed without me so i honestly might as well
#back in godot learning thingssssssss#trying to do anything i can to distract myself from the abysmal lack of work ive been able to find lately LOL#genuinely ive had 1 commission in the last 2 weeks like its so joever im so hungry#not to be like “the economy” but man i used to be doing upwards of 20 coms a week when i was really nuts#making a couple grand a month etc#but shits gone so to pieces between ai and the cost of living crisis that like i get no work anymore at all ever#the bone deep resistance i have to having to get another shitty day job is insane tho after what the last one did to me#idk but ive been losing a ton of sleep over it lately and ive been having nightmares every night again#so i guess i really gotta solve that sooner rather than later. esp bc we cant buy groceries indefinitely like this#ive cut back to eating cereal in the morning and then something for dinner after having a really good streak of eating 3 hardy meals a day#which sucks but what can you do#gotta stop being a big fat failure if i want to eat like a. not failure. a succeeder#ig theres the ego of it too bc coms have been my fulltime job for years so like the dead dropoff lately is so#what if it ends tomorrow right. what if it ends next week. what if it doesnt end until next year#what if it never ends and im just unemployed sitting on my ass pretending i still have a career doing what i love#which is already what it feels like bc ive been scrounging for pennies to put food on the table for months now#like idk man. its joever let it go let it die. but that means getting a shit fucking job somewhere and god i do not want to LOL#i wont have the energy to do anything anymore and im such a brittle person this time of year anyway#whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#im gunna try to sleep bye o/
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unsure if i will draw this weekend... you know what i guess ill try to at least, i always get worried when i have a lot of things to do but i have to remember that i always have frequent downtime in between stuff i make myself do
#Today: -meal plan/go to the store#-at least try to start job searching; i literally dont even need to do it for hours i just need to start#-friend stuff and then maybe i need to make dinner again 💀#ill try to buy something lazy lol#would Like to do manga translation as well#and then rn i gotta shower and eat breakfast
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