#gotta go do christmas stuff

[slimybeth69]

What in the good lordt-- GIMMIE.

Canceling christmas eve plans to read the rest of this. GOODNIGHT

Playdate

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

Chapter Two | Chapter Three

AO3 link

Marcus Pike x f! Reader x Dave York

Word Count: 7.8k

Summary: You love Marcus with all your heart and you’re not dissatisfied with him or his efforts in the bedroom, but you always hoped to have a little bit more variety . Though you were initially shocked that he had suggested something like this to begin with, you still jumped at the chance to broaden both your horizons.

Turns out, Dave York was exactly what you both needed.

Notes: One day I'll stop being so unhinged about Dave York, but today is not that day. Enjoy some Suburban Murder Daddy Dave and everyone's favorite Cozy Boyfriend Marcus!

Warnings: 18+ MDNI. Ok, here we go (takes deep breath). F/M/M Threesome. Cuckolding. Voyeurism. Masturbation. Mutual Masturbation. Oral Sex (f an m receiving). Brief (and very light) Anal Play. (Unprotected) P in V sex. Creampie. Breathplay. Degradation Kink. Daddy Kink. Praise Kink. Cockwarming. Spitting (is it even a Dave York fic if he's not spitting in your mouth? Come on). Light spanking (like 2 slaps to your ass). Squirting. Light dom/sub. Dom Dave York. (Occasionally but rarely) Soft Dave York. As always Dave York is his own warning and I cannot stress this enough.

The moment Dave York strolled into your shared bedroom with Marcus, the entire energy of the room had changed, you could feel it. Both you and Marcus, who stood nervously at your side.

“Dave, this is my wife,” Marcus begins, introducing you by name and Dave unabashedly gives you a good long look up and down until his gaze finally settles on your face again. Your cheeks are burning. You can feel them, the heat rising up your neck as you stand there in just a little matching set of a silk cream coloured nighty and panties (Marcus’ favorite) in front of this total stranger to you. Marcus knew him, of course, their government departments had recently been working together for a few months and they’d even gone out for the occasional beer after work.

That’s really where this whole thing had started. Marcus had had one too many one night out with Dave and when he’d watched the way women just seemed to gravitate to him, the way Dave handled it all seamlessly had Marcus mesmerized. A waitress would flirt with Dave and he’d just reach up and grab a handful of their ass and before you knew it they’d be sitting in his lap fiddling with his tie or pulling at his collar while Dave sat mostly uninterested by this point, sipping on his beer and continuing to have a mundane conversation with Marcus as if a twenty-something year old bombshell wasn’t currently in his lap begging for his attention. He wasn’t even nice to them, which was the crazy part. It was all cocky attitude and degrading talk and maybe it was the way Dave carried himself or the way he looked, but these women ate it up and Marcus could barely believe his eyes or his ears. If he ever spoke to a woman like that, not only would his mother turn over in her grave, but he’d surely earn a hard slap across his face for his efforts.

And so that’s when it started. Marcus slowly began opening up to Dave about you. About how he worried sometimes that you weren’t as satisfied with him as you could be. You promised him that wasn’t true, but still, every once and a while you’d try new things with him in bed and he just never felt like he was doing it right. And most times when you did try something new you wouldn’t ask to do it again, which made his insecurity soar even higher that he hadn’t really done what you wanted well the first time you asked.

“So, what does she like then?” Dave asks casually before snapping his fingers at a waitress across the room and signaling to the table for another round.

“Um, what?”

“Your wife, Pike. What, she wants you to slap her around? Fuck her in the ass? Fuck you in the ass, what?” He says it so casually and Marcus has to cover his mouth as he nearly spits his beer across the table at the candidness.

“Jesus York!”

“What?” Dave scoffs. “If you can’t even talk about it with me, how do you expect to do it to her?” He reasoned and Marcus sighed. He did have a point.

“She um, I don’t know, different stuff I guess. Like last time she uh… she put my hand on her throat” Marcus shrugged, a little embarrassed.

“Nice” Dave simply nodded, taking another sip from his beer.

“Nice?!” Marcus’s eyes shot up. “It wasn’t nice, I was so terrified of hurting her the whole time I-” he stopped abruptly and Dave raised one eyebrow.

“You… what?”

“I, you know…” Marcus, looked around the room, anywhere but into Dave’s eyes. “I got um… uninspired” Marcus admitted.

“Christ” Dave rubbed a hand over his face. “Can’t even keep your dick hard fucking your own wife? Should’ve come to me sooner”

“Hey, will you keep it down!” Marcus practically hissed across the table, looking around frantically to ensure nobody was really paying attention to them.

“Let me see her”

“What?” Marcus’s brow raised slightly.

“Let me see her. C’mon you probably have like 1500 pictures of her in your camera roll making the exact same fucking kissy face at you, let me see her” Dave said, holding his hand out for Marcus’s phone.

Marcus rolled his eyes but did as asked, opening up his camera roll to a more recent photo of you that he had taken and passed his phone across the table. Dave let out an appreciative low whistle.

“Damn Pike, I didn’t know you had it in ya. She’s a smokeshow” Dave teased and Marcus quickly snatched the phone back as he saw Dave beginning scrolling through his photos app.

“So… what do I do?” Marcus asked and normally Dave couldn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself but he did feel bad for the guy and not to mention his wife was fucking gorgeous and he wouldn’t mind showing Marcus exactly what to do with you.

“Talk to your wife. See if she’s interested in an interested third party”

“Wait, like you’d… with her?” Marcus stuttered and Dave briefly wondered if Marcus’s eyebrows would get stuck like that if they raised any higher to his hairline

“If you want.” Dave simply shrugged. “You’d be there. You know, the ol’ watch and learn” Dave finished, tossing a wink and Marcus swallowed the hard lump in his throat before chugging the rest of his beer.

That was just two weeks ago, and now here you all are.

“Hey baby, wear this just for me?” Dave said in way of greeting as he sauntered right up to you and took the hem of your thigh-length nighty between the pads of his fingers.

“It’s Marcus’ favorite” you explain with a shy smile.

“Oh, well in that case, take it off” Dave orders, his hand immediately leaving you. Your eyes open wide at his boldness and your gaze darts over quickly to Marcus who’s simply standing by the door with his hands in his pockets just watching the exchange. When your eyes flit back to Dave he’s staring at you with a look on his face that can only be interpreted as ‘don’t make me ask again’.

Despite yourself you already feel a heat stirring low in your belly. You're nervous and yet turned on. Marcus had shown you a picture of Dave so although you did have an idea of what he looked like, his government ID headshot did nothing to prepare you for how handsome he actually was in real life standing right in front of you. His features were sharp; a strong hawk-like nose, a jaw that could cut glass and his eyes were hard but with a glimmer of the softness Marcus’ eyes held in them. They were the same chocolate brown, Dave’s just a little darker and you already found yourself getting lost in them as you stare right into them while you tug your nighty up and over your head, tossing it to a corner of the room.

“Good girl” Dave praises and brings the back of his hand up to let his knuckles drag a line down your front from sternum to belly button with a light ghosting touch that leaves goosebumps in its wake. The shudder that momentarily racks your body doesn’t go unnoticed by either of the men in the room. Dave simply smirks.

“Sit down on the bed, Sweetheart” he tells you next and you quickly obey, sitting down at the end of the bed and Dave takes the few steps to meet you there, towering over you.

“Such a well behaved little slut you have yourself here Pike” Dave tosses over his shoulder at Marcus and you quickly glance over, unsure of how Dave’s remarks will be received but Marcus stays planted in the corner of the room, only this time it doesn’t escape your notice how he quickly reaches down to adjust himself in his pants before stuffing his hand back into his pocket and you feel your shoulders relax instantly, knowing Marcus is enjoying this too. The heat floods back into your abdomen as your nerves settle slightly. Or, as much as they can with the ever intimidating Dave York looming over you.

“Open your mouth” Dave says next, grabbing your face with one hand, his thumb and forefinger holding tight just under the apples of your cheeks. You don’t speak, just slowly open your mouth to him only slightly.

“Wider”

You obey.

“Good girl” he praises again before he tilts his face down and spits right into your mouth. It surprises you and your eyes squeeze shut at the shock of it all but you otherwise don't’ move, waiting for his next instructions. His grip loosens on your jaw and he brushes a knuckle up at the underside of your chin, signaling you to close your mouth and you do.

“Now swallow” he tells you and the gulp that follows from you feels like it's somehow bounced off every wall of the room that’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Dave rewards you with a smile.

“She’s so easy Pike, I don’t know what you were scared of” Dave mentions off-handedly, not even bothering to look at Marcus because he can’t seem to take his eyes off yours.

“Sit in the chair”

Confusion crosses your features but you go to stand up before you feel Dave’s warm hand on your shoulder pushing you back down. “Not you”

Oh.

Marcus is as obedient as you are when it comes to Dave it seems, taking the few strides over to the armchair sitting by the window where you like to curl up and read and he sits down immediately, both hands gripping at the arms of the chairs like he needs to hang on for dear life.

Maybe he does.

“You like that? Taking what I give you to swallow?” Dave’s attention is back on you now, hand resuming its grip on your jaw and you can do little more than nod your head.

“Use your words, little mouse”

“I like it” you confess, maybe a little too eagerly and Dave huffs a laugh.

“Yeah, you like having that little fucking mouth full I bet” Dave states as his free hand starts tugging his belt open and opening his dress slacks, pushing them down to his thighs. You stare, wide eyed as your gaze lands on the very impressive bulge straining against black cotton boxer briefs.

No wonder Dave York was so cocky, you muse inwardly.

“Go on, take my cock out” Dave orders and you bring your bottom lip between your teeth and quickly chance a glance over to Marcus.

“Hey, eyes on me” Dave growls as he tightens his hold on your jaw and yanks you back to face him. A little drool dribbles from your mouth the way Dave is holding it open and he quickly swipes at it with his thumb and pushes it inside your mouth and without having to be told you suck it clean.

“Fast learner” Dave hums with a shit eating grin that you suddenly feel the urge to kiss off of him.

“It’s ok baby” you hear Marcus’ voice from across the room. He sounds a little off. His voice is slightly trembling and his breathing is quickened and you know straight away that he’s turned on. You’re glad. You were half afraid that at the first vulgar insult that left Dave’s mouth that Marcus would be throwing him out the door. You were also worried at the back of your mind that Marcus would be wondering what the hell was wrong with you to be turned on by such behaviors but apparently he was starting to see your side of it and it pleased you to no end.

Your shoulders settle again as Dave’s grip leaves your jaw and you slowly reach forward with both hands and tug down his boxers and carefully take his cock and balls out. He’s rock hard in your grasp as your fingers lightly run down the impressive length. Marcus may be a bit longer but Dave is so much thicker you don’t even think you could get your whole hand around it if you tried. You won’t try yet because Dave hasn’t told you to so you simply wait for his next instructions.

“Yeah, that’s my good girl” Dave praises again, his hands now brushing softly through your hair and gathering it up so he can hold it back with one hand.

“Pike, get over here” Dave says and Marcus eases out of the chair and wanders over to you, nervous even on his own legs like a baby deer taking its first steps.

“Spit in my little sluts mouth. Don’t worry, she likes it” he winks at you.

Marcus stops at your side and your heart is beating wildly in your chest. You’re sitting there half naked with two hands idly wrapped around Dave’s cock with his holding your hair back while your husband stands next to you. Marcus eases your nerves though, of course he does, by leaning down and kissing you softly. Your mouth opens to him and you both let out a little moan when your tongues meet and for a brief second it's like nothing else exists in the room but the two of you and surprisingly, Dave allows it. Marcus kisses you until he feels you relax, your heartbeat starting to slow again and then he pulls back just slightly. You stick your tongue out and open your mouth wide for him. Marcus takes a breath and then gently, unlike Dave, spits into your mouth.

“Don’t swallow this time” Dave warns immediately. Marcus takes this as his queue to leave and returns to his chair and your head turns back to look at Dave. Your mouth is still open and tongue sticking out with a glob of Marcus’ saliva waiting on it.

“You’re so good” Dave smiles, bringing his free hand up so his thumb can run along your cheek. “Now don’t let that go to waste” is all the warning you get before Dave’s hand is at the back of your head and pushing you forward until his cock disappears down your throat. The mixture of your and Marcus’ saliva along with the precum already leaking from Dave’s head has you sliding down his length easily, the lewd sounds of your sucking him off filling the room.

“That’s it, fuck” Dave swears, hand gripping your hair a little tighter as he holds your head still and thrusts his hips over and over, fucking into your throat. “Knew you’d love having that little mouth filled up” he laughs before forcing himself in deeper and then holding.

Your face is buried in Dave’s crotch as he holds you still, his dick so far down your throat that there’s tears starting to fall down your cheeks as you choke and gag on him until he finally releases you and you ease off for a few seconds to catch your breath, making sure you continue pumping him with your hand as you do.

“You can do better than that, Sweetheart” Dave tsks. “Come on, suck it like you mean it”

You gladly rise to the challenge, taking him into your mouth again and your head bobs up and down, swallowing down as much of him as you can and your hand making up for whatever your mouth can’t reach. Dave lets out a soft moan from above you and all your focus is concentrated on making him feel good, but your ears do pick up the distinct clinking sound of metal and your eyes shift to your peripheral where you see Marcus opening his belt and scrambling to get his own hand inside his pants. It ignites something in you and you double your efforts with Dave, moaning around his cock as you move your hand down to cup his balls and swallow him harder and take him deeper down your throat until you're choking on his cock again and your eyes are watering.

“Fuck Pike, I didn’t know you married a goddamn whore, Jesus Christ” Dave groans, his breath coming out in short pants. “Taking my cock like a pro”

“Good girl. Mmmm. Good fucking girl” Dave is practically growling at you as you look up at him with tear stained cheeks. His grip in your hair is tight and it only spurs you on to keep going, despite how raw your throat feels. You hollow your cheeks and continue to take as much of him in as you can.

“Oh fuck.”

Its a tiny whisper from across the room, and despite the debauched sounds of your sucking and slurping around Dave’s cock your ears still pick up Marcus’ little whimper.

Your throat needs a breather and so you pull off of Dave but ensure to keep pleasuring him with your hand instead, working him all the way up to the head and back to the base while your other hand continues playing with his balls. You feel them tightening up in your hand and he hisses through his teeth, tossing his head back.

“Fuck, enough, enough” Dave warns, hand coming up to grab yours around his shaft and stilling your movements.

“I’m not near done with you Sweetheart, if you make me cum I’m going to be very upset” he threatens and you simply swallow and nod your head.

“Take off your panties then undress me” he instructs next and you comply, slowly dragging your panties down your legs. You’re about to kick them off to the floor when something else comes to mind and you smirk as you reach for them dangling at your feet and toss them over to Marcus instead. You know they’re soaked and you want him to know it too.

“Fuck baby” You hear Marcus groan and you chance a glance over to him. His cock is fully out in his hand now and to your surprise he takes your wet panties and wraps it around his dick and continues stroking, eyes closing and head falling back in pleasure. Dave looks over to Marcus too and doesn’t seem to mind what he sees, just lets out a little chuckle over how wrecked Marcus is already. You honestly can’t believe that Marcus is freely jerking off right in front of Dave. He normally gets embarrassed even if you accidentally catch him doing it.

“Might be hope for your husband yet” Dave teases, bringing his gaze back to you and tossing you a wink.

You smile brightly, this is exactly what you wanted. You love Marcus with all your heart and you’re not dissatisfied with him or his efforts in the bedroom, but you always hoped to have a little bit more variety . Though you were initially shocked that he had suggested something like this to begin with, you still jumped at the chance to broaden both your horizons.

Turns out, Dave York was exactly what you both needed.

“Fuck” Dave snaps you out of your reverie as he hisses through his teeth and squeezes the base of his cock. His tip is steadily leaking precum, the head looking angry and purple, staving off its impending release. He’s close. Apparently closer than he’d like to be.

“Need to pace myself, this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint” he explains and your eyebrow raises at that, not sure what all exactly Dave has in store for the three of you tonight.

You undress him as he asked, wasting no time at all or bothering to put any flourish on it, you just want him naked with you as quickly as possible, already anticipating what’s to come.

“Come on,” he says, gesturing his head towards the bed. He walks over to the head of the bed and gets in, sitting up with his back straight against the headboard and motions for you to come to him. You get on all fours and crawl up the bed to him and he pulls you into his lap so you’re kneeled with your legs on either side of his, straddling him and to your delighted surprise, he pulls you forward and kisses you.

It’s exploratory at first as your mouth opens to him and his tongue tastes yours for the first time. You moan when you feel the wet muscle tangle with yours and your hands instinctively come up to tug on Dave’s hair, keeping him impossibly close as his kisses get progressively rougher and deeper the longer they go on. He feels so different from Marcus. Dave is clean shaven whereas Marcus has always had a short-trimmed beard since the day you met him. You liked the scratchy feel of when he’d nuzzle at your neck or especially when he’s between your thighs but kissing Dave is like a whole new experience. Your hands leave his hair to hold his smooth face instead and you try to imagine what Marcus would look like without facial hair but you think you prefer him the way he is.

Your husband is hot. But then, Dave wasn’t so bad himself.

You’re kissing for at least several minutes. You’re not sure, you’ve lost track of time and apparently control as you whimper and whine and moan into Dave’s mouth and grind into his lap. At some point his hand makes its way between your legs, fingers gliding through your slick folds and playing with the tiny little bundle of nerves, pinching it between the pads of his fingers and the noises you are making should have you embarrassed but you’re way past that with Dave now. You reach down to him as well, wrapping as much of your hand around him as you can and lazily stroking his length. Dave hums against your lips and then rewards you by shoving two fingers into your wet heat.

A little high pitched squeak escapes you and you jolt slightly in Dave’s lap when his other hand lands on your ass in a smack before he grabs and kneads the soft flesh roughly and suddenly you’re moaning into his mouth again. He continues palming and kneading at the globe of your ass cheek until his hand wanders slightly and your hips jolt again when you feel a single digit pressing up against the tight ring of muscle at your back entrance.

“Our boy ever take care of you back here Sweetheart?” He asks between kisses, slightly prodding at your virgin hole but not quite pushing inside and causing a not unpleasant little wave of pressure to build up in you.

“Mnmm mmm” you shake your head. “I’ve um, yeah, never, before…” you trail off and Dave chuckles.

“Figures” he scoffs. “Well that’ll be a lesson for another day Sweetheart, want you good and ready for that one” he explains and a new flood of arousal comes over you with the subtle promise of a next time. You continue kissing and fondling each other a few more moments longer until he suddenly tears his mouth away from you.

“Look at your husband now Sweetheart” Dave whispers into your ear and you turn your head back to Marcus. His eyes are squeezed shut and he’s huffing short little breaths as he pumps his cock at a brutal pace.

“Think he wants your tight little ass filled up by my fat cock, hm?” Dave continues muttering absolute filth against your ear, knowing full well Marcus can hear him and then seconds later Marcus gasps and is spilling into his own hand, sputtering out a moan from deep in his throat as he milks himself dry. You hear Dave chuckling as his hands leave you and come up to rest on your hips.

“I think we put on a good little show” he emphasizes his point by slapping your ass again and then grabbing a handful of each cheek in both his hands and squeezing before he forces your hips down to grind against his lap once and you choke out a gasp as the head of his cock slides through your soaked core.

“Pike!” Dave suddenly calls, snapping Marcus out of his post-orgasm daze and his eyes shoot open. “Not much of a gentleman, cumming before your wife” he tuts.

“I’m sorry Honey” Marcus pants, still breathless and shyly tucking himself back into his underwear.

“It’s ok Baby, it was hot” you’re sure to tell him. Marcus blushes furiously, looking away from you both as he works on doing his pants back up.

“Come here Sweetheart” Dave begins, turning you in his grasp until you’re facing away from him and then he hunches forward to rest his chin on your shoulder so he can speak into your ear but keep his gaze trained on Marcus.

“Now, you’re gonna sit on my cock and keep it warm for me while your husband makes up for what he’s done” Dave explains, ensuring to speak loud enough for Marcus to hear. “C’mon, up” he begins again, landing a light smack to your hip and you obey, lifting your hips and Dave wraps an arm around you to steady you while his free hand holds his cock still and he lowers you down onto it.

“Ohhhhh fuuuccck” you gasp softly as you sink down on his length. You were more than prepared to take him, thanks to Dave’s fingers working you open earlier but there’s still a considerable stretch around his girth that is bordering between pleasure and pain as his cock splits you wide open.

You’re sitting on his lap with your legs stretched out and lying on top of his, like two bodies simply stacked on top of one another, your legs spread out in a v-shape in front of you. The position is certainly new to you and you’re not exactly sure how it’s supposed to work, how he can fuck into you in this position.

“That’s it” Dave hums against your ear before gently nipping at the lobe and then soothing over it with his tongue. You grind down onto his cock. You can’t help it but you need him to move, you need something, but just as quickly as you begin you feel both his hands grip roughly onto your hips, hard enough to surely leave bruises.

“Don’t move” he growls and then nips harshly at your earlobe, causing you to hiss out in pain for a brief second which quickly turns into a moan when he sucks the lobe gently into his mouth immediately afterwards. “I told you what happens if you make me cum before I want to” he vaguely threatens and you nod your head obediently.

“I’m sorry” you squeak. “It won’t happen again D-Daddy”

You don’t mean for it to slip out, but it does. Another little fantasy of yours, but one that you’d never shared with Marcus nor had the urge to. Marcus was too soft, too sweet. But Dave was rough and mean checked every box when it came to this particular kink of yours.

“Jesus Christ Sweetheart” Dave groans suddenly, he’s back behind you and his forehead comes down to rest in the middle of your back and you feel his cock twitch inside you.

Apparently Dave likes that. You smirk, finally having the upper hand for once.

“You wanna be my good little girl, huh?” Dave finally speaks again after regaining his composure. His voice is rough again and you love it, offering a little nod of your head.

“Say it” he growls, hand coming up to squeeze gently around your throat.

“Wanna be so good for you Daddy” you whine, your eyes flitting across the room to meet with Marcus’ who’s watching intently.

“That’s it” his hand loosens its grip on your throat and caresses over it instead and your head lolls back onto his shoulder.

“You never heard of cockwarming Sweetheart?” he asks and you shake your head again and it earns a little chuckle from Dave. “Well it’s just what it sounds like, baby. You’re gonna sit here and be a nice warm little sleeve for my dick. No fucking, yet. Do you understand?”

You nod weakly. God you just want to move, the pressure is agonizing and you're closing your eyes and breathing through your nose, trying your hardest not to squirm.

“Now you’re gonna be a good girl and cum on my cock” he informs you and you’re a little confused at how he expects you to just cum on command if he won’t let either of you move.

“Pike” he snaps and that gets your attention, your eyes shooting open again. Marcus scrambles to his feet, the authority in Dave’s voice leaving little room for him to do anything else apparently.

“Yes?” Marcus asks, voice trembling slightly as he now stands next to the bed, nervously curling his hands into fists at his sides.

Dave seems completely comfortable naked in his own skin in front of your husband and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t a total turn on. Of course most of his body was covered by yours, but still, Marcus definitely had a superb view of Dave’s cock buried to the hilt inside your cunt.

“I bet you our good ol’ boy Marcus here is just great at eating your little pussy, isn’t he Sweetheart?” Dave murmurs against the side of your face and you feel that familiar heat rising in your cheeks again as you nod your head.

Marcus was in fact exceptionally skilled in that particular area, and more than happy to do it for you. You’d never been with anybody before who actually loved going down on you. Most guys before Marcus treated it like a chore whereas Marcus thrived on it. He’d stay buried in your cunt for hours if you’d let him. He’d joke sometimes while he was down there, face buried between your thighs that he could live there and you didn’t doubt he would if he could.

It's not until you see Marcus nervously shift in front of you that you realize you hadn’t actually answered Dave out loud.

“Yes!” you reply enthusiastically. “He’s um, very good to me” a little of your shyness returns and Dave tuts from behind you.

“I figured. Looks like a little puppy, just eager to please isn’t he?” Dave chuckles and now it’s Marcus’ face that burns bright crimson.

“Go on then, lick your wife's pussy. Need her to cum good and hard before I fuck her into next Tuesday” Dave says menacingly and a shiver runs down your spine.

Marcus goes to climb on the bed before Dave clicks his tongue and stops him, Marcus freezing in place with one knee on the bed.

“He normally all dressed up when eats you out baby?” Dave asks and you slowly shake your head. It was true, Marcus had an amazing body and was never shy about showing it around you. He preferred both of you to be completely naked whenever you did anything in bed together, including sleeping. Marcus was a very intimate and sensual lover, it was one of the things that made you fall for him in the first place.

“Well, tell him then” Dave nods his head towards Marcus.

“Come here baby,” you say softly and Marcus slowly slides his leg back off the bed and takes a few steps closer until he’s standing next to you and you tug him down by his tie to kiss him once.

“For me baby, please?” You plead up at him and he gently nods his head before he steps back from the bed and begins removing his clothes.

Dave seems to lose interest in the sweet little exchange between the two of you and begins kissing and sucking down the side of your throat while his hands roam your body and come up to squeeze both your tits. You try to keep your eyes on Marcus but all they want to do is close and succumb to the pleasure that Dave is giving you now.

“Ready?” Marcus asks and you focus your attention back on him. He’s fully undressed now, cock soft and hanging delicately between his legs but you know it won’t be long until he gets his second wind. Putting his mouth between your legs is always a surefire way to get him going again in no time, you know this well from experience.

“Please Marcus” you whine. Your cunt is throbbing from being impaled on Dave’s cock and not being able to move and now with Dave making you feel good everywhere else you’re desperate for the attention where it’s needed most.

“I’ve got you Honey” he promises, and you know he does.

He crawls onto the bed again, the mattress dipping under his weight and Dave wordlessly spreads his own legs further apart, forcing yours with them to open up wider for Marcus to fit in between you.

Marcus looks a little unsure of how to begin. Normally he likes to wrap his hands up under your thighs to hold your hips down and bury his face in you but with you sitting on top of Dave that would mean touching the other man and so he hesitates.

“We’re well past shy now Pike, come on” Dave chuckles. “Make her cum on my cock like the good little slut she is” he snides and your cunt clenches at his vulgar remarks.

“Ohhh, she likes that” Dave laughs from behind you. “You better hurry up Pike or she might not even need your mouth, I think mine’s doing just fine”

Apparently that was all the threatening that Marcus needed because suddenly he dives into your pussy like a man starved. His one hand rests on your hip while the other uses his fingers to spread your lips apart and you all but scream when Marcus' mouth latches on to your clit and sucks it into his mouth.

“Oh shit!” you jerk forward involuntarily and then instantly feel Dave’s bruising grip on your waist again, keeping you still.

“Don’t fucking move or I’ll tell him to stop” Dave growls into your ear and you whimper but weakly nod your head in agreement. Your hand comes down to play in Marcus’ hair instead, needing the distraction. You’re clutching the short strands and holding him as close to you as possible since you’re not allowed to chase the pressure of his mouth with your own body and he hums in appreciation as he continues his assault with a skilled, well-practiced tongue.

“Fuck Pike, she is flooding my cock right now” Dave groans and Marcus moans into your cunt as he continues lapping away at you with renewed enthusiasm that he’s bringing you so much pleasure.

Dave’s not lying. You’re absolutely drenching his cock. You feel so full with Dave’s dick buried inside you and with Marcus’ mouth working its magic everywhere else, you are left positively reeling. Your head falls back again and you can do little more than whimper and whine and mewl in Dave’s firm grasp.

“Oh fuck, Oh Marcus, baby” you whine, your whole body trembling and it spurs Marcus on, his tongue working you over even faster, firmer as his his hands start to explore. He moves them to the outside of your thighs and then pushes even further back until they reach Dave’s hips and he squeezes, surprising all three of you as Dave’s cock jolts inside of you briefly and then he stills again.

“Come here” Dave growls, one hand leaving your waist to turn your face towards him and he swallows your moans with his mouth, his other hand wrapping all the way across your waist to keep you still. You're not sure who needs the distraction more, you or Dave, but you keep sloppily kissing each other regardless. Dave’s hips raise just slightly, bringing yours with him and you realize suddenly that Marcus has his hands shoved all the way underneath you both, his large hands squeezing Dave’s ass while his mouth is still buried in your wet heat and now it’s you swallowing down Dave’s moans.

“Baby, I love you so much” you hear Marcus whimper from below you. He’s grinding his hips into the mattress now and you know he’s hard again.

Dave’s hand leaves your face and comes to grip around your throat and your mouth is forced away from his as you fight to keep air in your lungs. His grip is tight but not crushing, like he knows exactly what he’s doing and how much pressure to apply. You assume Marcus likely told him of your little attempt at a foray into this area before that hadn’t worked out the way you hoped.

You know you can still breathe (albeit barely) but all the blood rushes to your head and you almost feel like you could pass out until he releases some pressure again and a blissed out smile stretches across your features as you gasp for breath and another wave of pleasure hits you.

“Good fucking girl, you like that huh?” Dave growls against your kiss-swollen lips before he shoves his tongue back inside to kiss you roughly.

“Oh fuck!” Your mouth tears away from Dave’s as Marcus hits a particular spot on your clit and suddenly something hits you hard and fast and you lurch forward.

Marcus’ hands are back on your legs and then he moves one to spread your lips open again and starts flicking his tongue back and forth hard and fast, his gaze penetrating through yours and suddenly your vision goes white behind your eyes.

“Oh shit, Marcus I think I - oh fuck stop, please, I’m gonna-” you don’t have a chance to finish your thought and suddenly your mouth wrenches open in a silent scream as a flood gate opens, your walls clamp down on Dave like a vice and Marcus is groaning into you, lapping at you with renewed enthusiasm and before you even have half a chance to comprehend what is happening, you feel both of Dave’s arms wrap around your middle as he too lurches forward and his cock begins pulsing, spilling inside of you and he lets out a wrecked moan from behind you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuccck” he pants, head coming down to rest on your shoulder as his dick continues throbbing inside of you and painting your walls with his hot spend.

“Baby” Marcus moans into your aching core. “You just fucking squirted” he says before pulling back slightly with a huge grin on his face, the evidence of your earth shattering orgasm dripping down his chin.

“I - what?” It makes sense now, the wave that came over you. You honestly thought you were about to pee in Marcus’ mouth, you’d never felt anything like it before. You always thought that was just some trick done in pornos, never having experienced it yourself before.

Dave lifts you off his cock with a grunt and puts you back to rest in his lap and suddenly Marcus’ mouth is on you again, lapping up yours and Dave’s combined releases from your fluttering hole and Dave is oddly quiet behind you, his head resting against yours and his breathing still coming out in short little huffs as he tries to desperately to slow his racing heart. His spent (and drenched, thanks to you) dick lies just underneath your sex and you don’t fail to notice how every once and a while when Marcus laps at you that his tongue dips a little lower to stroke along Dave’s softening cock. You also don’t miss how Dave’s body jerks a little when it happens and his arms squeeze you a little tighter but he makes no effort to stop or scold Marcus.

“Christ, I told you not to make me cum” Dave says, shaking his head gently against yours but there’s no edge to his voice, he’s far from mad about it.

“I’m sorry Daddy, I didn’t know I could do that” you admit sheepishly, turning your face to him to press a kiss to his lips.

Marcus thankfully slows his efforts between your legs and switches to planting open mouth kisses on the insides of your thighs instead, avoiding your oversensitive sex. His hands are back up on top of your hips now and yours come down to intertwine your fingers with his while continuing to lick and moan into Dave’s mouth.

“I’m sorry Sweetheart, I’m going to need a breather” Dave says after a few more moments pass, pushing back from your mouth. “Pike, keep this pussy occupied for me, I’ll be back for it” he announces before his hand comes down to cup your mound and squeeze.

Dave is lifting you again slightly so he can slide out from under you and Marcus is kneeled at the end of the bed now sitting back on his heels obediently awaiting his next instructions.

“You got a couple more in you, right Sweetheart?” Dave asks as he stands next to the bed now and grips your chin in his hand.

“Mmmmhmm” you nod your head. “Yes”

“Good girl” he smirks. “Now fuck your husband. I’m going to get some water and then I’ll be back and ready for you again” he tells you and then simply saunters out of the room fully nude and not a care in the world. You watch him go and out of the corner of your eye you see Marcus’ head turn too and suddenly you need him more than ever.

“Come here baby” you coo, reaching for Marcus and he turns back to you, takes your hand and lets you pull him to you. He kisses you sweetly, night-and-day to the way Dave did and you hum appreciatively into his mouth as you taste the heady and salty blend of yours and Dave’s combined releases on his tongue. As much as Dave turned you on with his aggressive side there was something in Marcus’ softness that you absolutely craved still.

“Make love to me baby, please” you whisper against his lips and you feel Marcus nod his head.

“Lie down” he instructs and you do, shuffling further down the bed until your back is no longer upright. Marcus leans over you to kiss you languidly for a few more long moments until he finally pulls back and takes his aching hard length in his hand and gives himself a few strokes.

“Ready?” he asks, always checking in, your sweet Marcus.

“Ready” you nod and then he lifts your left leg straight up into the air until your toes are pointed at the ceiling and he pushes himself inside of you, your heat easily swallowing him in with how wet you still were from earlier. The angle he’s at makes him hit impossibly deep inside you and you’re already squirming, needing him to move.

“Holy shit” Marcus looks like his eyes are about to bulge out of his head and he takes a moment to still inside of you once he’s buried to the hilt. “Fuck you’re soaked baby, Jesus. Fuck!”

“You did that to me baby” you praise him with an easy smile as you bring a hand up to push through his golden brown locks. To be fair, you assume it's some kind of combination of your cunt being full of Dave’s cock and Marcus’ skilled tongue stimulating your clit but either way, Marcus got you there.

He wraps one arm around your raised leg to keep himself steady and the other comes down to grip at your hip and he slowly eases himself nearly all the way out and then just as slowly back inside.

“Ohhhhhhh” you whimper at the sensation of his tip bumping against your cervix. “Fuck baby that’s so good. You’re so deep in me”

“Yeah?” Marcus breathes, still taking his time, slowly pushing forward and back with his hips. “God you feel so good honey”

“You want it slow?” He asks and you nod your head frantically.

“Yeah baby, just like that, feels so good, you filling me up”

“Oh fuck” Marcus moans, sliding in and out of your wet heat. Thank God you wanted it slow because he knows he’d be moments away from cumming way too quickly otherwise. He’s not sure he’s ever been so worked up in his lifetime.

He continues to ease in and out of you, slowly picking up pace as you both pant and whimper and moan. Your eyes are locked on to each other, the love pouring out between you with a simple gaze and you’re both so in the moment that neither of you hear Dave come back into the room.

He’s leaning on the door frame, drinking his water and just watching, not interrupting. Marcus’ slim little hips rock back and forth into you and you take every inch of him so well and it's not long before Dave’s own cock begins to swell again between his legs. He reaches down to palm his dick, gently squeezing and stroking as he watches the intimate scene playing out before him.

Marcus is whispering little words of love and adoration for you and your hand comes down on top of his and you interlock your fingers together, giving his hand a little squeeze.

Normally this would bore him. Vanilla bores Dave but yet, watching what transpires between the two of you actually leaves him feeling a little jealous. He hasn’t had somebody he cares for like you two do each other since… well, ever, maybe. Even his ex-wife, it was just as much to keep up appearances as anything else. He’s never looked at anybody the way Marcus looks at you, that much he’s sure of. His hand slows on his cock, suddenly feeling like he’s intruding and he quietly gathers up his clothes and backs out of the room, neither of you even noticing him while he successfully slinks out.

He redresses in the hallway bathroom and heads down to the front door to take his leave but stops to type a quick text into his phone first.

Pike, you’re one lucky man. And that wife of yours loves you, you don’t ever have to worry about that. But if either of you ever feel the need for my services again, you have my number. - York.

An hour later when you and Marcus both lay spent and satisfied and idly wondering where your third partner went, he reaches down to the floor to his discarded pants and fishes his phone out of the pocket and brings it up to read the missed text. He chuckles a little at it and then turns the screen to you and you snuggle up closer to read it and you smile before pressing a kiss into Marcus’ shoulder.

Less than a month passes before Marcus texts Dave back an eager reply, starting up a group text conversation between the three of you, aptly naming the convo “Three’s Not Always a Crowd”.

“So… next playdate, when? 😉”

Next chapter

*clears throat* ahem. so... there you have it folks. Want more of this tasty trio? Lmk!

Tagging @nerdieforpedro, @chronically-ghosted @macabremads @boliv-jenta @prolix-yuy @suzdin

[infizero]

hehehehehehehe

[myownprivatcidaho]

alcohol tasted AWFUL to me the first 21.5 years of my life and then this past christmas break sth clikced and now suddenly.... i like it. and I'm enjoying that i like it and NOW am enjoying drunkenness almost every evening (im much less of a lightweofht than i look but much more of one than i like to think) and im wondering if maybe i shld be ..... concerned.

[regular-lord-reckoner]

been having a bit of a hard time lately and the hits just keep coming because today our family friend that's staying with us, his wife got into a car accident

she's okay, thank god and so were the other people but they had to tow her car and she was really shaken up understandably

everyone's okay now but just...jesus christ, dude

also, i know i've been absent on here lately but i'm still around, just going through it. eventually i'm gonna get an actual break and will return in full but for now i'm just going to cross my fingers the rest of this year can be a little more gentle

[sureuncertainty]

I SPENT TOO MUCH AT METROCON BUT IT’S WORTH IT I commissioned art of Emma (bc i hAVE to get at least one comm of one of my OCs whenever I go to a con, that’s a rule I just decided) and i also got a shitton of all for the game stuff which had me losing my absolute mind bc I wasn’t expecting to find much, and I got some owl house stuff too!

[wings-of-angels]

Rushing to do all my art work tonight cos i have school tomorrow and i procrastinated on it all holiday

[etherealspacejelly]

sometimes you just have to let yourself be a bit neurodivergent.

i hate going out, it gives me a lot of anxiety and sensory input that i dont like, and i am often forced to talk to people.

so i do this thing on more difficult days, or sometimes just for fun, where i "bring a fictional character with me". i walk and imagine Fictional Character walking next to me. they talk to me, reassure me, hype me up, whatever i need them to do.

today dean winchester came christmas shopping with me. he went over the list with me of stuff i needed to get, told me i was doing a good job every time i finished in a certain shop, reminded me to take a deep breath when i got a little overwhelmed.

and yea. its kinda silly. and i know its just me talking to myself in a different voice, but it Works! especially since all of my special interests/hyperfixations tend to be tv/movie related.

so do what you gotta do to Get Shit Done. stop holding yourself to neurotypical standards. if you need Fictional Character to tell you you're doing a good job, do it! if you need Favourite Singer to walk you to school, do it! yea it might feel silly but you're literally fighting against your own brain to get stuff done every single day. you can have a little self indulgent daydream, as a treat.

[keeps-ache]

my computer wants to update so bad. which is a real shame,

[malusrecord]

((If I can get the main thread of this blog replied to sometime during this week then I might do a plotting call for the newer folks and/or the people who don't speak up much, we'll see. I'm limiting who I speak to and interact with to just close friends rn because of excessive stress and etc.))

[darklight-owl]

By far the best form of motivation to work on my Descosplay is the fact my hair is now the perfect length to make bread hair.

[autumnrory]

was in that waiting for a text so i know if i have to leave the house or not mod which is v annoying but since i didn't wanna take the time to change clothes if i didn't have to i did some of the picking up in my room that i have put off for basically no reason like it's not really better but just a few things that have been sitting around and making it harder to get around than it already is SO it was nice to be a little productive

[cosmicporos]

What Arcane characters would gift you for Christmas!

Jinx, Vi, Ekko, Viktor, Jayce

(Semi crack Drabble… sorry for going super long with Viktor’s and Jayce’s HCs. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH)

(Jayce is Hispanic in my hc :3)

ENJOY AND HAVE FUN LOVE YALL<3

Not proofread

JINX

Hear me out… the first thing she would plan to gift you are decorated safety googles.

As a matter of fact everything she gifts you is handmade!

She knows you love to spend time with her when she’s in her workshop and the extra spare of googles she had were pretty crappy…

“Ugh, these old things? Pfft, they look like they’ve been through a freakin’ explosion… oh wait, they probably have! We gotta get you a new pair soon toots!”

They’d be totally decked out! Lots of character as she calls it.

“Okay toots check it out! Maximum protection but most importantly! They got style!”

The googles themselves would be in her classic style, very colorful paint, cute little heart scribbles all around! And of course lots of glitter….

“"I mean, you've got to stay safe while causing mayhem, right? And hey, if we're blowing stuff up together, you'll definitely need these. Plus, I made them perfectly for you. No one else will have goggles like these... trust me!"

I totally see her adding little handmade jewelry from her gears and spare parts, would totally make you a belt or choker out of spare bullets.

Vi

She would totally panic on what to get you for Christmas. Like what if you suddenly hate the thing you’ve loved since the very beginning she’s known you???

Would end up both buying and making you something!

She’s make you something small but meaningful

“Okay Okay fine! You can open mine now. Just don’t laugh too hard Cupcake…”

You’d open the poorly wrapped gift to uncover a bright pink scarf she knitted you! The stitching is a mess.. there a hole’s through the project (no doubt a missed stitch) but in all honesty it so cute you feel like your heart might explode.

"Yeah, I know I'm not, uh, the best at this kind of thing," she mutters, scratching the back of her neck, "but I figured you could use something to keep warm... and, you know, 'cause it's winter. And... you're important to me."

Guys please tell her she did an amazing job PLEASE.

She would also totally buy you a pair of combat boots! Totally saved up for months in advance.

She loves the idea of being able to match and have a bit of her style on you!

Ekko

Just like Jinx (sobs) he’d also make something for you!

The first thing he’d give you would be a little sketch book full of drawings of you from random moments throughout your relationship he remembers oh so clearly.

"I've been working on it for a while... It's... it's just a bunch of drawings. I mean, not just anything. Stuff that made me think of you. Stuff we've done, or things I hope we do. I don't know, it just felt like the best way to show how I feel about... well, us."

Okay he would also totally make you matching jewelry (matching clock hand necklaces?)

You’d force him to take the hour hand since it’s shorter (heheheh little man)

Once you explain your reasoning as to why he should take the smaller one he sighs disappointedly…

"Okay, okay, I get it," he finally says, a little less playful now, his voice softening. "I guess if you want me to wear it, I can..."

Then, a grin creeps back onto his face as he adds, "But don't think I'm letting you off the hook with the minute hand. You're wearing that one for sure." He places the hour hand necklace around his neck, the smaller pendant resting there, and looks up at you with that mischievous gleam in his eye.

He pauses, holding up his necklace, "I'm still the one with the bigger job. You'll just have to keep up." A proud smug smirk now rests on his face.

Viktor

FUCK WHERE DO I BEGIN I LOVE THIS MAN

o k a y. He would just like Vi panic… not because he doesn’t know what to get you but because he totally is going Christmas shopping late… very very late.

As much as I would love to say he’d make some little invention to make your day easier and give it to you for Christmas I don’t see it happening.

Not because he wouldn’t do it but because he already does it all the time! A little example, you’re late for work often? A little robot that hits you with a plastic squishy hammer every morning at 7 am waking you up when he can’t!

He’d definitely want to make Christmas special, I see him buying you something and then doing something special for you too!

Christmas morning would be greeted with warm hugs and kisses along with an even warmer bowl of potato soup!

He wanted to make sure he perfected his mother’s Bramboračka recipe. It was a once a year meal him and his mother shared every Christmas day.

He’s not a good cook by any means… but this is the one dish he can make and oh boy can he make it.

"Don't expect perfection," he says with a small, self-conscious smile, as you catch him sneaking a taste of the soup. Viktor looks up, his gaze softening. "I hope you like it," he says, and despite his usual perfectionism, there's a quiet pride in his voice. You take a sip, and the rich flavors of mushrooms, potatoes, and herbs immediately comfort you, just like his mother's love must've comforted him all those years ago.

OKAY for the making gift he planned I see him commissioning something due to the fact a lot of his inventions lack aesthetics.

Specifically I see him commissioning a music box that functions as a a jewelry box as well! He would have loved to make it himself but he was worried he wouldn’t have gotten the look right.

"Do you like it?" he asks, his voice softer than usual, as if he's worried about the reception. "I had it made... I thought... it might remind you of us."

The detail was breathtaking-floral patterns etched into the surface, with tiny gears and delicate metalwork accenting the edges. The craftsmanship was stunning, and you couldn't help but run your fingers over the smooth finish.

you lifted the lid, and a gentle, lilting melody began to play. It was slow and sweet, a tune that felt timeless, and as you stared at the tiny figurines inside, your breath caught.

His fingers fidgeted with the edge of his cane, his gaze flicking between you and the music box. "I commissioned it," he admitted, his voice quieter now. "I had the craftsman use a sketch I made. It's how I see us... in my mind. How I feel when I hold you." He paused, his expression softening. "I thought... I thought you deserved something that would remind you of that. Of... how much you mean to me."

Jayce

Oh hon… Jayce would spoil you rotten.

I’m talking presents are overflowing underneath the tree.

You thought you lost your favorite piece of clothing? WRONG! He commissioned for more to be made in different colors and textures for you.

All the fragrances in the world he knew you would enjoy.

Cozy adorable pajamas we would give you Christmas morning so you could cuddle up drinking hot chocolate.

Spends Christmas Eve spoiling you and cuddling and being so tooth rottenly sweet.

It’s Christmas Eve, the scene was almost overwhelming. The living room looked like a perfectly curated holiday catalog-twinkling lights, a roaring fireplace, and, of course, an absurd number of gifts. Jayce sat cross-legged beside the tree, an excited grin lighting up his face as he handed you the first box. He had merely grinned, sheepish yet unrepentant. "What can I say? I got carried away?.”

"Open this one first," he urged, nearly vibrating with excitement. Inside was a bottle of an exquisite fragrance, the glass etched with delicate, swirling designs. It smelled divine-rich, warm, and entirely you.

"I figured you'd like that," he said eyes carefully watching everyone expression you make. You swear if he had a tail it would be swishing uncontrollably right now.

Christmas Day would be you spending Christmas day at his mother’s house!

(Listen I’m hc them as hispanic because for one HIS MOMS NAME HIS XIMENA… and two because why not :3 )

You have a great relationship with his Mother, she absolutely adores you and sees you as her daughter.

There’s lots of yummy food she’s prepared… perhaps too much for just 3 people?

Nonetheless, a pot of pozole, tamales de puerco and de dulce! And of course she made jayce’s favorite choco flan!

God she urges to to eat until you nearly pop! You have to undo your belt by the end of the night…

"Come, sit!" his mom insisted, pulling out a chair for you. "Jayce told me you've never had my tamales. That's a crime! Here, start with this." She placed one on your plate, her eyes twinkling.

Jayce sat beside you, his grin widening as you took your first bite. "Good, right?" he asked, nudging you playfully.

You could only nod, savoring the perfectly seasoned masa and tender filling.

Later in the evening, when everyone was too full to move, Jayce leaned over and slipped his hand into yours. His eyes were soft, his voice low as he said, "I'm glad you're here. This—" he gestured to the lively scene around you, "—feels perfect with you."

[victorluvsalice]

New for December 2024:

Smiler: [texting Victor and Alice] you guys have GOT to come to the next holiday movie night

Victor: [texting] Isn't it Thirteen's night next? I'm not really a fan of holiday horror.

Alice: [texting] I might come, but it really depends on the movie she's picked.

Smiler: [texting] no no no she gave up the night because Galactica found something SO WEIRD we have to share it with you

Smiler: [texting] it's called HOT FROSTY

Alice: [texting] ...it's called what now

Smiler: [texting] it's about a widow who brings somebody's snow sculpture of a hot dude to life by accident and he teaches her how to love again

Victor: [texting] ...this a PARODY of a Hallmark film, right?

Alice: [texting] Honestly just the title sounds like the porn parody version of a Hallmark.

Smiler: [texting] I mean I don't think it takes itself too seriously but it's a real movie and PG-13 at most I'm pretty sure

Smiler: [texting] you two in?

Victor: [texting] Yes, I have to see this.

Alice: [texting] I'll make more marshmallow snowmen we can devour while watching this nonsense.

Smiler: [texting] Make sure they have abs.

Alice: [texting] Will do!

--

Smiler: [putting a frog-wearing-a-Christmas-hat ornament on their yellow tree]

Victor: [watching, chuckles] You have such fun ornaments. I really like them.

Alice: Mmmm -- every one of them is so you.

Smiler: Well, some of them are technically so my parents, but we have pretty similar tastes, so... [grinning] Hey, we should do a little ornament trading! Like, you can bring some of your ornaments here to put on my tree, and I can do the same for you guys!

Victor: [holding up a hand] Oh, no, I w-wouldn't dare. The only o-ornaments I have right now are some my p-parents got me, and they're extremely delicate glass. I'd be t-terrified that one would break! I w-wouldn't want you to get hurt, and I definitely w-wouldn't want Mother knowing that I'd broken one. [wincing] N-not after the last time...

Alice: [patting his arm] And on my end, while it's a nice thought, I don't have any Christmas ornaments. All my family's ornaments burned up in the fire, and I wasn't in a good state to get any of my own until recently. And, well...celebrating Christmas was never a priority for me before now. I don't even have a tree at mine.

Smiler: [staring at them] ...

Alice: Uh-oh. I recognize that look. That's the "I am once again shocked and appalled by the wretched state of your lives" look.

Victor: [smiling nervously] It's fine, Smiler, I-I get a lot of enjoyment out of your tree --

Smiler: [firmly] We. Are going. Shopping.

--

Smiler: [approaches Victor wearing a mistletoe headband and taps him on the shoulder]

Victor: [turns around, sees the mistletoe, smiles and bends down to kiss Smiler]

Alice: [arrives on the scene mid-kiss and watches them for a moment]

Smiler: [spots her as they break the kiss] Oh, hey Alice! Just fulfilling tradition!

Victor: It's very important to observe these things you know.

Alice: [nods, smiling] I do know. [looks at Smiler and their mistletoe -- and then suddenly leans in and kisses them too]

Smiler: ?!

Victor: [blinking]

Alice: [pulls away and shrugs] Tradition -- plus, I mean, as per Nanny, we're already kind of fucking, so...

Smiler: [snorts]

Victor: [blushing] Do we have to keep bringing that up...

Valicer Not-Incorrect Quotes, Christmas Edition

Victor: [knocking on Smiler's door with Alice] Smiler? Are you ready to go?

Smiler: [flings opens the door, sporting a bright yellow Santa hat, sparkly red and green eye makeup, a yellow sweater with purple snowflakes, and black pants featuring embroidered red and green light strings with real flashing lights in them] Hello, my lovelies! I bring the spirit of the season with me!

Alice: ...the spirit of the season is making my eyes bleed.

Smiler: That's an important Christmas tradition, let's go.

--

Victor: [enters Smiler's living room area to find them setting up a bright yellow Christmas tree] ...

Smiler: [looks over] What's up?

Victor: ...you really -- of course you do, why would I assume you'd have a green Christmas tree.

Smiler: Yeah, do I look like Thirteen? Now help me get this thing into the stand, it's being difficult.

--

Smiler: [arriving back at the trio's house post-everyone moving in together] Hey! I'm back!

Alice: [emerging from the kitchen to greet them] Welcome home -- Victor's currently making sure the gingerbread doesn't burn, but he'll be --

Alice: [pause, sniffs the air]

Alice: [knowingly] Ah. Peppermint latte season then?

Smiler: We had a special promotion so I'm probably going to smell like this until Easter, yeah.

--

Smiler: [noodling around on their drum set] Hey, you guys want to hear me play my special version of "Little Drummer Boy?"

Victor: Sure. [sits down on the couch]

Alice: [joining him] If you'd be so kind.

Smiler: My pleasure! [starts playing the familiar rhythm as they sing the song]

Victor & Alice: [listening attentively, smiling]

Smiler: [singing in time with their drum beats] ~I played my drum for Him pa-rum-pum-pum-pum; I played my best for Him, pa-rum-pum-pum~

Smiler: [segues into a solo that -- sounds rather different from the traditional pa-rum-pum-pum-pum beat]

Alice: [raises an eyebrow]

Victor: [looks confused -- and then something clicks, and he groans into his hands] Oh, you didn't...

Alice: ?

Victor: [singing along to the beat] ~Never gonna run around, and desert you~

Alice: [immediately whipping around to glare at Smiler]

Smiler: [big shit-eating grin] If Victor can make a classical piano version --

--

Emily: [coming into Galactica's living room, with Victoria, Victor, Alice, and Smiler in her wake] Hello all! We're here! We brought snacks!

Galactica: [getting up from the couch where she was sitting with Oblivion, Rita, and Thirteen] Hi! Thanks for coming!

Thirteen: [also getting up] Whatcha got?

Victoria: [proudly showing off a bunch of marshmallow snowmen with things like pretzel arms and licorice scarves] I found how to make them online -- aren't they cute?

Galactica: Awww, they're adorable.

Oblivion: Perfect -- we're doing Hallmark tonight.

Thirteen: [beaming] Yeah, I can't wait to get out the hot chocolate and drown Frosty.

Victoria: [stares at her with wide eyes]

Thirteen: What?

Victoria: [sternly, holding the tray protectively against herself] No.

Victor: [puzzled] Victoria, that was literally a serving suggestion on the site you found them on.

Victoria: No.

Alice: We brought them to be eaten. That was the whole point.

Victoria: I will fight you all to protect these snowmen.

Smiler: I love how you think that is a deterrent with my friends.

Rita: [cracking her knuckles with a grin] Yeah, bring it on.

--

[the trio are listening to "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" on the radio]

Smiler: Would you like to know a fun fact about this song?

Alice: Hit us.

Smiler: Okay, so, while the short itself is narrated by Boris Karloff, this song isn't sung by him -- instead it's sung by a guy named Thurl Ravenscroft.

Victor: ...Well, I don't think I can ever complain about my middle name again. Who names their child Thurl?

Smiler: That bit I don't know, but do you know what Thurl's most famous voice acting role is?

Alice: I do not, but I suspect it's something gothic.

Smiler: Nope -- Tony the Tiger. As in Frosted Flakes's Tony.

Alice: What.

Victor: Really??

Smiler: Yup! And, thanks to one of the most popular tumblr blogs commenting that it sounds like Tony's breakup song to The Grinch, and someone else then drawing that -- well, there's now a Tony/Grinch fandom.

Alice: [laughing] Oh my God.

Victor: [also laughing] This is why tumblr is the most bizarre place on the internet. How do you get a weirder ship than that?

Smiler: [beaming] Well, there's Batman -- as Bruce Wayne -- being the side piece of Miss Piggy and Kermit. Also found on tumblr!

Victor: [shaking his head] I shouldn't have asked.

Alice: At this point, to get stranger, someone's going to have to throw together some random video game character, a stop-motion puppet, and a roller coaster.

Smiler: Trust me, I'm sure somebody's done that.

--

[logansargeantsbabymom]

Lonely Christmas

Lando Norris x Fem!Reader

summary: Lando and Y/N decide that they want to play a prank on their fans and the rest of the grid by hinting at breaking up over X (twitter)

warnings: Cursing & “Cheating”

F1 Masterlist

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

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“hey babe, I have an idea.” I said with a smirk as I plopped myself on the bed next to my Formula 1 race winner boyfriend, Lando Norris.

“Oh no, this doesn’t sound good” Lando says chuckling as he props himself on his elbow to get a better view of me, before leaning down pressing a quick kiss to my lips

“mm, I think we should prank your fans and the grid.” I said with the biggest smile I’ve ever smiled in my life.

“and how do you suppose we do that, hmm?” Lando said, his eyes flickering between my eyes and my lips.

Sitting up and criss cross apple sauce, I stare into his soul “I think we should stage a twitter breakup,” I searched his face for some type of answer

“What? Is this a way of telling me you want to breakup without telling me you want to breakup?” He looks kinda hurt, which quickly prompts me to swing my legs over his body so i’m sitting on his lower torso.

“Absolutely not baby! i love you beyond the galaxy. I just think this would be funny,” i plead but Lando looks unsure “I’ll tell you what to say and all !”

“fine, but only if you let me eat you out, BUT you have to sit on my face” Lando knows I’m insecure about my weight and crushing him to death.

“oh! fine!!” I say plopping right off his body and landing on the bed with a huff. “so i’m gonna tweet something to indicate that we’re breaking up but not actually saying anything”

“and how are you gonna do that-” I quickly interrupt him

“make me cry” i say nonchalantly

“what?” Lando’s face reads 50 shades of Stunned “no, I promised you and your family that the one thing i’d NEVER do to you is make you cry.”

Hearing Lando admit that means the world to me, but i need him to stop being nice and make me cry. It doesn’t take much for me to cry and since Lando doesn’t want to make me cry, I’ll resort to the next best thing: thinking of my (very much alive) dog die.

Just a few seconds of thinking of my (breed/dog) die, the tears well up in my eyes and I let out a choked sob, before whipping my phone out and taking a picture before posting it on twitter with the caption

"nobody wants a lonely Christmas but I'm about to call it quits with you. Breaking up is at the top of my wishlist and baby you don't have a clue."

I flip my phone to show Lando with a smirk plastered on my face. "So, what'd ya think?" I question as I post it and wait a few seconds before twitter starts going absolutely nuts. " wait wait let me read you some of the comments I'm getting, 'slut4ln' says 'NO MOM AND DAD PLEASE STOP FIGHTING' haha look, here's another 'mother/n' said 'mother always knows wtf is up, Lando Norris count your days' !!" the chuckles leaving my lips are loud

"I think that I don't know how to respond to that on twitter," Lando says with a faint chuckle "here, how about you take my phone, type out what you want me to say and then let me read it before posting it." a smirk evident on his face as he hands me his phone, before putting said hand on my thigh, rubbing it up and down.

"What about this...?" I question as I'm typing

"You say our relationships fading and you've been thinking bout leaving and though I know it's the truth I just don't want to believe it. You've gotta be kidding me, are we really breaking up? We just picked out a tree, damn."

"Okay Y/N/N lets give it a second to spread, we have to get juicy comments before we keep going, oh. never mind. George is texting me asking me what the fuck I did and why am I arguing twitter about it"

"fuck it, ignore him. we need to make this believable." I say swiping George's message away. "Opinion on this?"

"wait wait, let me tweet something else before you tweet y/n/n. Here, read this"

"You haven't even left yet and I miss you. I was looking forward to the holidays with you. How could you do this on Christmas, girl that's so malicious? C'mon baby, please don't make me beg cause I can go and date your friend instead. Yeah, I'll put the nut in meg. But If you're thinking about leaving, then I already blew it. screw it, then I guess I'll have to beat you to it, bitch."

"OKAYYYY LANDOOOO LET ME STEP UP MY GAME!!!" I scream as I finished reading his reply after he hit tweet bouncing up and down on the bed in excitement.

"okay, okay what about this for me?" I question as I finish typing, turning my phone so Lando can read what I typed.

"I tell you I love you but I don't really mean it, cause after this Christmas sorry but I'm leaving you."

"I'm starting to feel like you're just soft launching a break up with us right now" Lando says "Why else would you gave suggested a fake twitter break up?"

"Baby, please. This is just for shits and giggles. AHH OH MY GOSH!! OSCAR'S CALLING ME" I screamed in panic as I declined the call. "Lando, I think you need to eat me up in the twitter beef again, put your pretty head to work and think of some insults for me."

"I'm almost done, but first I got a question. Why is it one week before Christmas you feel the need to mention a break up with me is in the process but still pending? Is it depending on your gift and what I'm spending? Or are you fishing for more compliments? Because to my astonishment, you're acting like little kid. Was it something I said?Sometimes my head stops thinking, when I say some stupid shit to you, you know I don't mean it, it's just the season, it's confusing, can we just get along?"

"LANDO MY COMMENTS ARE GOING CRAZYYYY! LOOK" I giggle in excitement as I flip my phone so he can scroll through the comments

slut4ln: MOM AND DAD PLEASE STOP! CHRISTMAS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH A DIVORCE RN

georgeswhore: I wake up from a nap to SEE THESE?!?!?!?!

leclercsgf: What the absolute fuck did they fight about that THEYRE BEEFING ON TWITTER FOR AND AIRING OUT A POTENTIAL BREAKUP???

>y/nforpresident: potential? honey I think they are done

Landoslefttoe: Lando kinda ate mom up though 😭😭

LewisHamilton: Answer your fucking phones now!

CharlesLeclerc: LANDO?? YOU CALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND "BITCH"??

CarlosSainz: Cabron, call me asap and fill me in

LoganSargeant: Does this mean I actually have a chance with Y/n?

"I'm choosing to ignore Logan's comment," Lando said flipping my phone back so I could read it. "When are we gonna go public and say it was a prank?" Lando asks as he readjusts himself on the bed, pulling me down and closer to him so we're cuddling

"We can tell them all tomorrow" I yawn as I cuddle closer to my boyfriend "goodnight handsome"

"Goodnight precious" lando whispers as he kisses my temple

<333333

idk what this is but 🎀😗

@luckyladycreator2 @itsmiamalfoy @jeffs77 @ilivbullyingjeongin @forevercaffeinated-lee @daemyratwst @gulphulp @callsignwidow @f1wintermoon13 @teenwolf01 @victoriassecret101.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSesvRpKqBaYY-Ow5IgHoD0gSX6OzJ03qGMXOhHUI6Xg1wfKaA/viewform.

[humansofnewyork]

“Summertime and Christmas. That’s when I have her. Been that way for seven years. When she’s not in school, she’s with me. Then at the end of the summer I bring her back to her Mom’s house in Florida. Those drop-offs are the worst; I almost miss my flight every time. I wait until the last possible second to call my uber for the airport. I hug her, say goodbye, put my stuff in the car. Then I always gotta come back again and get my last kiss. Always, always. That uber ride sucks. That plane ride sucks. Cause I know I’m not going to see her for a few months. On the wall in my closet we keep track of her height. And every time she comes back, she’s grown like two inches. That’s a lot. That’s a lot I don’t see. But she knows she can call me for whatever, which she does. And whenever she’s here she gets to be the CEO of our lives. She’s not a dictator or anything. But she’s the president. I’m the people. When she says we go, we go. She wants to go to the pool, we go to the pool. She wants to go to the beach, we go to the beach. We came here today for the Juneteenth celebration. Been planning it for two weeks. I’m supposed to be at work today, but I took off early. There’s a bouncy house and face painting and all kinds of good stuff. But she didn’t want to do any of it. We stayed for two minutes. And now we’re back to feeding the animals; same thing we do every day.”

[cheriladycl01]

Funny Gaming moments with Lando and Max (F) x QuadrantStreamer! Reader

Plot: Just funny moments where Reader is a member of Quadrant and is a big UK streamer that does everything on Twitch and YouTube.

A/N: this is only small and just for fun, better Lando stuff is coming out.

Moment 1:

"Do you earn more than Lando Norris, chat you guys are wild ... but honestly with my individual sponsors, YouTube and streaming and any of my weird side activities I think it'd be up for debate" you giggle not actually knowing how much difference there was in what you or Lando earned.

"Not girlie casually admitting that with her side hustle she earns as much as an F1 driver, yeah guys, you gotta think I stream and upload full time. So i get paid for each YouTube video I do, I'm a twitch affiliate and you guys are so so generous. I game competitively and earn from that. I have sponsors, so ... lets just say i had no trouble buying Lando's Christmas presents" you grin, knowing the man had widely expensive taste.

"Who am i spending Christmas with, well Lando's family has asked if I'd like to join them, but I'll be spending the holidays mostly with Max and Pietra. Oh my gosh guys, did you see Instagram? I met Martin Garrix! How cool is that!" you laugh.

Moment 2:

"So I'm here today with Lando, and I'm teaching him Valorant, he knows that I'm in good but I don't think he knows I'm Immortal" you say until you unmute yourself in discord.

"Hey Lando baby" you joke but all you get from the otherside is silence which makes your chat go absolutely crazy.

You hear a few coughs that sound like choking, so you check his stream making sure not to tab out on stream, seeing him sat there in shock in his chair blushing.

"Lando?" you ask, and you watch as he rearranges himself in his chair pulling the mic closer to him.

"Hi, hello yes. Sorry you just threw me off guard" he laughs, wiping across his face with his fingers.

"What are we?" he asks, and you burst out laughing at the question which makes him laugh too. Chat on both ends starts going crazy, with the spam of Lando Norizz <<< Y/N the Rizzler and you were both dying.

Moment 3:

"Argghh fuck" you scream leaning back and fulling falling back off your chair. You were currently playing the horror game ' In Silence with Max, Lando and Ria.

"No way did Y/N just fall?" Max asks laughing at the girl whose stream he pulled up seeing her laying on the floor gripping her shoulder while her chair was now also laying in the floor.

"SHE DID" Lando laughs and you groan out in embarrassment.

Moment 4:

"What was that chat? My door reopened and closed shut while I was gone?" you ask looking back at your door. You knew you were home alone, the only people having a key to your apartment being Max and Pietra and Lando. But they were all travelling right now and were on the plane.

"Chat, stop messing with me" you scold jokingly, you start to load up the game your changing too. However a knock at your bedroom door has you stilling.

"What" you mouth looking at the camera. You go to the door, chat spamming saying how by opening the door that how all the dumb movie characters die. You here another knock making you flinch, you rip open the door, screaming when you see the scary mask, jumping and tacking the person now.

"Ow Y/N fuck" you hear and you rip the mask of, knowing that voice but not wanting to assume.

"Lando?" you ask looking at him.

"I thought it would be funny" he jokes laughing.

Moment 4:

"So Lando, Max and I thought it would be funny to play Valorant but for every kill we get we do a shot" you exclaim.

"Y/N gonna need new kidneys by the end of this? Hmmm very true, maybe we change it to every time we die we do a shot?" you ask seeing what chat's opinion would be on that.

"Then Lando and Max will be needing new kidneys? Well, I'm playing on my alt account and I'm just chilling so we'll be in gold/silver lobbies. Last time we played on my normal account, it was a struggle.

"Lets ask what they prefer! Guys? You want to do shots every time we get a kill or when we die?" you ask after unmuting yourself.

"We playing with MILF account of FnaticY/N?" Lando asks.

"MILF of course. And no comps, I'm not being called a booster" you grin and Max groans, Max was gold 2 and was asking for you to coach him, you had watched him in unrated's but refused to do comps together.

"Wait, when did you change your name...didnt it used to be Ilovetits6?" Max laughs.

"Yes, but chat started to call me mother? So i just rolled with it" you grin looking at chat and winking.

Moment 5:

"Are you and Lando Norris dating?" you ask, and then you open your phone and call Lando himself.

"Hey baby!" you smile and show the chat what Lando is saved as and the picture while he's on speakerphone.

"Hey love. I'm a little late coming back. I got stuck here with Zac and Oscar, but Max and P wanted to know if you would like to go out for dinner with them tonight" he asks and you laugh.

"Wait, Y/N are you live"

"Maybe, look you said you were ready to go public. So this is payback for what you did to Max on stream!" you laugh, knowing he wont be mad at you, as you'd talked recently about going public.

"Exposed? Yes yes i did" you grin.

Moment 6:

"Y/N your boyfriend is horny come sort him out" AngryGinge says adding you to the call forcefully mid stream.

"Mmmm that sounds like a job for you" you says seriously and you pull up his and Lando's stream to watch what was going on. Some people had come into your stream to say to get Lando to end the stream before PR has his head.

"He's been moaning on stream Y/N get your man and take him home"

"Yeah sorry let me just hop on the jet to Monaco..." you joke, knowing you definitely don't have a private jet.

"Wait, just how rich are you? Your boyfriends out here buying watches for 400k, you have a private jet. This just ain't right!" he exclaims making you laugh.

"I don't have a private jet. But... I've been in one of Max Verstappen's" you boast, you'd been introduced to him through Lando as Kelly wanted to meet you and set you up with her modelling agency.

"Huh? WHAT?" he screams and you just laugh before leaving the call. You shoot Lando a teasing message watching his eyes change as he reads it, and he lets out a groan that soon turns into a joke as Angry Ginge yelled at him to calm down again.

Moment 7:

"Salem stop" you tell your cat, which had jumped up and starting to paw in your lap where the blanket lay across before flopping down wanting fuss.

She started to meow at you not getting the wanted attention, but you were in the middle of an important rank up game, that would put you as radiant in Valorant.

As the game went on, you apologized to your teammates when you died after nearly clutching a round when Salem distracted you by pawing at your hand on your mouse.

"Salem please bub. 3 more rounds and you can have all the cuddles in the world" you whisper to the cat before she settles down, you proceed to Ace the next round and your team and you win the next two. The end of the game, with the MVP you get promoted to Radiant #497.

You celebrated by grabbing Salem your black Bombay cat and hugging her tightly, she leans into you wrapping her paws around happy for the affection she's finally getting.

"Treat?" you ask receiving a meow.

Chat:

y/nloverrr02- not y/n celebrating like she just got a podium

landonorizz- what's harder, f1 win, or reaching the top 500 valorant players

wedonttalkabouther- please, mother is mothering!

deadlocknerf- not her top fragging as an omen and their jett with a negative kda.

lockandassit- well done on the promo!

LandoNorris- Babe! Well done! I watched your win! I'm so proud

"Thank you, everybody. I think I'll leave it there for the day and I'll come back and we can try and get into the 450's!" you exclaim before cutting stream.

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover