#gotta go do chores that i've been putting off

[altruistic-meme]

i am stronger than the demons i am big and scary i can do the tasks

[beneathsilverstars]

been doing research on writing plural systems for sif+loop in mundane modern aus, and i think i've got a solid idea of what i want to do! specifics may vary by au but i wanted a base set of headcanons to vary from, so sif+loop being a system can be a background fact of my au musings instead of something i have to reinvent every time.

(i'm a singlet so if any systems have concrit or thoughts they want to share i'd be happy to hear it! i'm not like planning a fic or anything currently, but it's still nice to not be working off of misconceptions for my silly little posts.)

siffrin took over as the main host in their late teens and doesn't remember anything from before that. in their early-mid 20s their work/housing situation was horrible and when they couldn't take another day like that, siffrin split into loop (who kept the mid 20s memories, with a new personality) and siffrin take two (who remembers the 17-20 era a bit better, but then there's a big gap). between the two of them they were able to cope better and hold a not-as-awful job and get a shitty apartment all to themselves!

siffrin fronts more often on average, because they're better at quietly accomplishing day-to-day tasks. but if he gets too overwhelmed or anxious (think their mini loop-backs in canon) then loop takes over, bc loop dgaf about some of the things siffrin worries about, and doesn't shut down as easily. but since they don't bottle up their feelings as severely, they're more likely to react outwardly and make rash choices like quitting their job, being rude, splurging on little treats, etc. so that's why siffrin is the default fronter for things like work and chores, when he's feeling up to it.

loop is fairly aware of what's going on while siffrin is fronting - sometimes they choose to tune more of it out, but they can catch most of it if they want to, and sometimes siffrin will talk to them or nudge them to pay attention. since they know at least the basics of what siffrin was up to, they can usually step in pretty smoothly when they need to take over! and it's very easy for them to take over, with or without siffrin's say-so, though they try to ask if it's not an emergency (and if it is an emergency, siffrin is likely trying to back away from the front anyway).

when loop is fronting, though, siffrin is entirely away, dreaming in the void. loop can nudge them for a vague opinion or relevant memory, but they can't hold a full conversation and they're not aware of what loop's doing. when loop puts them in the front again they're usually disoriented and need a moment for loop to tell them what's been happening. and again, loop is the one deciding to switch; sometimes siffrin might resist getting pulled back if they're still feeling bad, or get antsy and start reaching out if they've been asleep a while or are having bad dreams, but they're not gonna react to environmental situations since they're not aware of them.

mal is in there too but doesn't front. its role is to be socially hyper-vigilant, pointing out when other people might be upset at them so the alter who's fronting knows to fix it or avoid the person. it's been around longer than siffrin, and was helpful way back then, but now that siffrin and loop have worked out an effective balance and are fairly safe, mal's behavior is somewhat maladaptive (ha!). it's not super directly aware of the outside world like loop is, not anymore at least, but it does get secondhand memories from both siffrin and loop. it actually sometimes remembers facts and details that sif and loop both quickly forgot, because maybe those details will end up relevant to spotting and avoiding future problems - but since it got the memories secondhand and filtered them through a particularly paranoid worldview, it's likely to misremember subjective interpretations as literal truth, so you gotta take its claims with a grain of salt.

it mostly hangs out in the void imagining fractals and whatnot these days, keeping an eye on siffrin while they sleep. it occasionally perks up and chimes in with its pessimistic point of view when siffrin is really upset - it can communicate better with sleeping siffrin than loop can. loop is not on speaking terms with it because they're mad that it goes behind loop's back and makes siffrin more upset right when loop is trying to shield him from the upsetting situation. but siffrin doesn't mind it bc it's just trying to help in its own way, and sometimes it is helpful to face their fears in plain words instead of avoiding them. and siffrin will sometimes ask it for help with like, puzzles, because it's good at pattern recognition.

there's also a no-longer-quite-dormant alter that presumably fronted for much of the body's childhood. they don't hang out in siffrin and mal's void, and they don't talk to anyone else within the system. but now that the system is more safe and stable, every once in a while something will catch their attention and they'll gently push to the front and start talking. as soon as their train of thought is interrupted they're gone again, and the other alters don't even remember that they got usurped for a moment, a la siffrin's bits of telling childhood anecdotes in canon. loop and siffrin have surmised that they exist, and call them the lost one.

mal has also implied that there's at least one more dormant alter, but it's from before siffrin-and-loop's time and possibly mal's as well.

if something happens that's so distressing that siffrin retreats into headspace and loop won't take over either, the body goes into dissociated autopilot. it will follow basic one-step instructions (such as "follow me" or "eat this"), speak in a couple simple scripts (such as answering "how are you" with "i'm fine"), and complete rote tasks such as taking a familiar route home from work or going to bed. loop doesn't pay much attention because that would defeat the point / put them back in front, so they usually have very little if any idea of what happened in this state, but it is possible for outside events to catch their attention enough for them to try fronting again. otherwise they'll be back next time the body wakes up. siffrin, on the other hand, usually won't front for at least a day or two after this happens, and will likely have forgotten the events leading up to it as well.

it doesn't happen very often since it's the very last resort, after siffrin dissociating, loop taking over, and loop dissociating. loop and siffrin don't consider the autopilot an alter because it doesn't form memories, have emotions or opinions, or interact in the headspace; it just follows where it's led, by habit or outside influence. loop has argued in favor of trying to imbue it with more personhood so it's less uncanny for other people to interact with and can get loop's attention when the distressing thing is over, but siffrin argues that if it can think that defeats the point, and they'd just end up with this new alter and a new autopilot.

past all that, the specifics will depend on the exact au; particularly the ratio of loop time to siffrin time will depend on how much siffrin works and how awful their job is, whether siffrin and/or loop have friends yet, etc. but i think when they're doing pretty well they'd be happy with siffrin doing work/chores and most of the activities that they both enjoy (since then they'll both remember it), and loop fronting for maybe a third of their free time to do their own thing, and maybe here and there if something goes wrong at work. and then if siffrin starts feeling burnt out, they swap for a couple days of loop doing most things and siffrin just coming out for an hour or two. siffrin and mal probably talk maybe a couple times a month, unless siffrin is really going through it, in which case they might talk a lot for a couple days. it also might be possible for mal to eventually adapt a little more to being safe, and start providing a wider range of possible interpretations instead of just the worst case scenario.

ok that's all! and as i said, i'm totally open to feedback. :3

[werecreature-addicted]

So in to the werewolf who needs to be collared and gently dommed. He’s a sweet boy but he’s just so carless sometimes. Leaving messes. Knocking things over. Getting dirt and slobber in the house. Naughty boys have to be punished. And don’t get me started on how thinks he deserves to get his dick wet. He thinks he’s a big tough guy who’s cock you cannot live without, but as soon you deny him even a little bit, he turns into a whining mess that will do anything you ask. He’s gotta work for that reward.

You're sick of it. you're sick of cleaning up mud every night just to have fresh muddy paw prints tracked through your house the next day. You're sick of dirty dishes piled in the sink when your werewolf boyfriend promised he'd do them. You're sick of feeling more like a maid than a partner.

It started off small, just brushing off his advances. There was something really un-sexy about a guy who apparently can't even do his own laundry.

He was frustrated. it had been so long since he'd gotten any release. and he has no idea why you're giving him the cold shoulder. enough is enough. He catches you, pins you against the wall, and demands to know why you're avoiding him.

"I'm putting my foot down. I'm not going to have sex with you until you start cleaning up after yourself. I'm not your maid. I don't want to have sex with a man-child," you huff. He smirks down at you

"Awee is that what you're upset about. okay okay, I promise that I'll start cleaning up after myself. now come here and give me a kiss-" he said leaning in to kiss you but you jerked your head to the side avoiding his mouth.

"No. not until after you proved yourself," you stood firm. he grinned down at you, condescendingly, You look so cute, pouting and pinned to the wall, completely at his mercy.

"Yeah, babe? Do you think you can resist me?" he asked, reaching down to pull down his pants just enough to show the base of his cock. "you know you want this dick," he thinks he's being sexy. Normally you'd be all over him- playing along and agreeing that yeah you do want his dick but now you're just... glaring at him. You don't look a little bit flustered or tempted.

"I'm good thanks," you say briskly and brush him off. He's left there stunned. How can you not want him at all? He feels like he's going crazy without you.

You reject him at every turn. Can he get just a hand job? no. Will you let him go down on you? no. Can he just- please pretty please hump your leg? You don't even respond to that one.

The next day the home is spotless and dinner is cooked for you with flowers. You're a little stunned at the swiftness of the change.

"Please can I have you now? I've been a good boy, right? Please I need you," he whimpers, nuzzling at your neck, needing any kind of stimulation, just your scent is enough to get him hard.

"...no," you decide. he about cries, how could you be so mean to him?

"You'll just go back to ignoring the chores tomorrow if I let you have a reward now," you say more teasing than anything.

"How much longer until you give me a treat?" he asks.

"At least a week."

For the first time since the two of you got together, he jerks off. it's unsatisfying, to say the least. He's learned his lesson. he'll be a good boy from now on just please please, please make him cum.

[monsterlets]

How do you start improving your singing?

the lowest investment way to get into it is just finding a vocal coach that you like on youtube. plenty of them put out videos for free. I've been linking jeff rolka because I like how he explains things and he has a whole beginner playlist

that said, a lot of the things involved with singing are things we don't have great proprioception for, so vocal coaches will speak in metaphors a lot. if you're really not getting it, you may just need to find someone else who uses different metaphors so it'll click

general tips

it doesn't have to be 100% exercises and in fact it shouldn't (both because you don't want it to become a chore and because you gotta practice applying the techniques in songs) I spend maybe 2% of the time doing exercises and the other 98% just singing songs I enjoy

if you do a vocal range test at the beginning, your range is almost certainly bigger than that. you do not know how to use your full range yet. that said, you should still do it because you should exercise caution with anything outside of the range you test at. you can give yourself vocal strain if you go too hard too fast

if you need help hearing pitches (most of us do at least to start with) you can use pitch detectors! here's one: https://www.onlinemictest.com/tuners/pitch-detector/ (it's touchy though, it will get distracted by your air conditioner. if you see it jump to like G8 don't worry about it)

failures are data. if there are certain parts of songs that you keep fucking up over and over and over, try to find patterns. for example: "I can hit this note if I start there, but having to make the jump to it is fucking me up" great! see if your favorite vocal coach has an exercise for making big jumps

if there's a bit that you can't sing and you can't figure out why you can just trial and error it. try just that little bit over and over and play around with it. but if it starts to hurt (even a little bit) it's time to stop

you will hear experienced singers say things like "I don't have the voice for this song", and that is sometimes true. you don't know that yet though. you don't know your full capabilities. now is not the time to write things off, you should build a solid foundation of technique before you start trying to find a niche

[allthingsfangirl101]

New to Mother's Day – Joe Keery

I woke up to my son, Charlie, screaming from his nursery. Tears filled my own eyes as I got out of bed at 2 in the morning and went to his aide. I've been married to Joe Keery for two years. Six months ago, we had a son. One month ago, Joe left to guest star in a TV show. And every day since he left, I have felt like a complete failure.

I went to Charlie's nursery and grabbed him out of his crib. I sat on the rocking chair and began to feed him. When he was finished, I rocked him back to sleep and gently put him in his crib. I went back to my room and collapsed into bed. It felt like I had only slept ten minutes before my alarm went off again. When I looked at the clock, it read 6 am.

Joe was coming home and I wanted to get some of my usual cleaning done. In between taking care of Charlie, I did the laundry, vacuumed, swept and mopped, did the dishes, and cleaned the bathroom. Charlie was taking his afternoon nap and I had finally finished the chores.

I walked in and checked on Charlie. I let out a sigh of relief when he was still sleeping soundly. I went back to the family room, sat on the couch, closed my eyes, and enjoyed the peace and quiet. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep.

I woke up to someone gently moving some hair off my cheek. My eyes fluttered open before finally focusing on my husband.

"Joe!" I gasped. He laughed as I jumped up and wrapped my arms around him. He caught us and stopped us before we could fall.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you too."

Without letting go of me, Joe stood up. I giggled when he lifted me up and spun me around. He put me back down, leaned in, and pressed his lips to mine. I let out a small moan as our lips started moving in sync. We broke apart when Charlie started to cry.

"Your son knows you're home," I chuckled. Joe gave me another quick kiss before heading toward Charlie's nursery. When I got there, Joe was holding our son, slightly swaying back and forth.

"Were you good for your Mommy?" Joe asked sweetly.

"As good as he can be," I shrugged. He looked up at me and sent me a small smile before turning his focus back to our son.

"What should we do for Mommy tomorrow, buddy?" He asked him. "We gotta show her how much we love her on Mother's Day."

My heart sank into my stomach. I completely forgot tomorrow was Mother's Day. I used to love the holiday. My siblings and I always spoiled our Mom on Mother's Day.

This year, it was different. This year, I was a Mother. And I was failing. Joe and Charlie would be doing sweet things for me tomorrow, all while I felt like I didn't deserve it.

"You don't need to do anything," I brushed off.

"What?" Joe chuckled. "Of course, we're going to do something. It's Mother's Day."

"I know," I said, clearing my throat. "But you just got back in town. You're tired and I am too. We should spend the day, at home, hanging out with Charlie. We don't need to do anything."

Joe walked over with Charlie in his arms. He grabbed my hand and pulled me close to them.

"We are going to celebrate Mother's Day, gorgeous," Joe whispered. "You have been a mother for a little over six months and we both love you. We are going to celebrate that."

"And I'm saying that we don't have to," I whispered.

"Y/N," he said as he studied me. "What's going on, baby girl?"

"Nothing," I said a little too quickly. "I'm just. . . It's been a long month with you gone. I missed you. Charlie missed you. I want to spend the weekend focusing on you being home. Is there something wrong with that?"

"Of course not," he sighed. I started to walk away, but he grabbed my waist. "Y/N, you would tell me if something was wrong, right?"

"Yes," I smiled, trying to lighten the tension. "You know me, Joe. I tell you everything."

I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek. I booped Charlie's nose, making him giggle, and headed to the kitchen to make dinner but not before I heard Joe whisper something.

"There is definitely something you're not telling me."

* * * * *

Later that night, after we had put Charlie to sleep, Joe and I opened a bottle of wine. We spent the night talking about the project he just finished. When we finished the bottle, Joe took me upstairs. We made love that night like we usually do when he returns home. Joe fell asleep after we finished, but I couldn't. I stayed up most of the night, going over the last six months. I fell asleep, overthinking every decision I've made since I became a Mother.

"Happy Mother's Day!"

I jumped up, a smile forming when I saw Joe carrying Charlie into our room. He leaned over and kissed me before handing me our son.

"Thank you," I chuckled.

"Come downstairs," Joe jumped eagerly. "Charlie and I made you breakfast. Then we're going to get you a coffee, take you on a shopping spree, and then to lunch. After that, we're gonna do a little more shopping before taking you to a salon."

"There's a salon open on Mother's Day?"

"Yep," he laughed as he grabbed Charlie. I got out of bed and listened as he continued to plan out our day. "They have a Mother's Day Special. Which you are getting! Full mani-pedi and a blowout. . . Whatever that is."

"It's for hair," I chuckled.

"Well, you're getting it," he smirked. "Then you, me, and Charlie are going to go out to your favorite restaurant for dinner."

"Italianos?"

"Of course," he said in a teasing tone. "After dinner, we're gonna take a walk to that ice cream parlor at the park. Then we're gonna come home and put Charlie to bed together."

"And then?" I asked when he paused. I laughed when he covered our son's ears.

"Then I'm gonna put you to bed," he winked. "Again."

My heart sank into my stomach. The happiness I felt suddenly went away as my thoughts went back to last night. Joe sensed my change. He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off.

"We really don't have to do all that."

"But. . ."

"I'd be just as happy staying in and hanging with my boys."

Before he could object, I kissed his cheek and took Charlie. As I went downstairs, Joe grabbed his phone.

Joe's POV

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mom," I greeted. "Happy Mother's Day."

"Thanks, sweetheart," she chuckled. "What do you have planned for Y/N?"

"Lots," I tried to laugh.

"What's wrong?" Mom instantly asked.

"I don't know," I confessed. "Y/N's been. . . Weird."

"What do you mean?"

"She keeps saying that she doesn't want to celebrate Mother's Day," I sighed. "She says she's fine, but I don't think she is, Mom."

"It's been six months since Charlie was born, right?"

"Yeah," I said slowly. I furrowed my eyebrows when Mom hummed. "What?"

"It's completely normal for Y/N to be feeling like this," she said simply.

"It is?"

"Look, Joe," she sighed, "being a parent is hard. You know that. It's even more difficult when you're alone."

"But she's. . ."

"Sweetheart," she cut me off, "I know she isn't alone alone, but she will occasionally be alone. You're going to be out of town every once in a while and she will have to take care of Charlie on her own. It's part of your and her life. She knew that when you first started dating. She knew that when you got married. She knew that when she got pregnant."

"But what do I do?" I sighed. "Mom, she looks. . . She's so. . . I don't know."

"You tell her she's an amazing mother," my mother said softly. "All you have to do is be there for her and remind her that she is a wonderful mother and she is doing the best that she can. No one is perfect."

* * * * *

We went through the day just like I told Y/N this morning. There were moments when Y/N was smiling and laughing, but every once in a while, she'd lose it. She'd get in her head and shut down for a few minutes.

I tried my best to catch it whenever she had one of those moments. As soon as I noticed she was in her head, I'd do something to pull her out. After we put Charlie to bed, I pulled Y/N into our bedroom. When we got to the door, I kissed her. She moaned as I picked her up and carried her to our bed.

"Wait," she gasped when I laid us down. "Sorry, baby. But. . . I need to use the restroom first."

"Of course," I said, leaning down and kissing her before getting off of her. I sat on the bed and waited as she went to the bathroom. Eventually, I noticed it was taking her longer than normal. After a brief moment of panic, I jumped up and went to the bathroom.

I peeked into the bathroom and sighed when I saw Y/N standing in just her underwear, overanalyzing her body. My heart sank when I saw her put her hands on her stomach and tears filled her eyes.

"There you are," I said, trying to sound light-hearted. I ran over to her and gently grabbed her hands, pulling her close to me. "What's wrong, darling?"

"Why do you love me?" She said, her sob starting.

"What?"

"I'm so ugly," she sobbed. "I'm fat. I'm disgusting. I'm horrible."

"Whoa," I whispered. I wrapped my arms around her and let her sob into my shirt. I reached up and started running my fingers through her hair. "You are beautiful, Y/N. Every part of you is beautiful."

"I'm a horrible mother!" She sobbed louder. I tightened my arms around her and gently shushed her.

"What are you talking about?" I teased lightly.

"I feel like I never know what he needs," she continued. "And whatever I do, it's not enough. I can never tell if he's happy or hungry or needs attention. I don't know what I'm doing."

"You are a wonderful mother, Y/N. Charlie loves you." I pulled out of our hug and caught a stream of tears with my thumb. "You are an amazing mother," I repeated. "I know it's been overwhelming and I'm sorry I haven't been here. But you are an incredible mom."

"Nothing I do is ever good enough," Y/N whispered.

"That's not true," he said instantly. "You are an amazing mother. You are an amazing wife. You are an amazing woman, Y/N. Everything, and I mean everything, you do is enough. Being a new parent is overwhelming. I get overwhelmed."

"You do?" She stuttered.

I reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, my hang lingering. "Of course, gorgeous," I softened my voice. "The last month, I have felt like a complete failure of a father. I felt like I abandoned you and Charlie. See? We both have moments like that. The important thing to do is to come together and lift each other up."

Y/N stood on her toes and kissed me. I let out a small moan as I kissed her back. When we broke the kiss, I leaned my forehead against hers.

"I love you so much, Y/N," I whispered. "You are an incredible woman and an even better mother. You are the only person I want to mother and help me raise my children."

"I love you too, Joe."

[oh-a-very-toxic-octopus]

Stress is a fucking tyrant. Cold sweating all the time. Can't really make myself eat. Don't think I've slept more than three hours a night for the past almost two weeks. Every night is a fun sequence of dozing a bit -> waking up -> checking my phone clock -> half an hour has passed since I last checked.

It's just been a shitty month, I tell myself, but it's a long-term pattern too. And first world middle class problems. Come the fuck on, me.

I'm in the midst of pulling together the money to buy half of the chapel from my partner as he can't afford the burden anymore, it sucks not being 50-50 on it, and changes to capital gains tax could annihilate our position on the housing ladder if we're not proactive.

I'm short exactly the amount I lump-paid into our mortgage when the rates went up this time last year, because of course I am.

Trying to purge-sell everything I can to make it up, but those are all little shots of £10–50 here and there to the point where they almost feel like a waste of time. Maybe they are, idk, I can add things to eBay while I'm doing other chores so it doesn't feel like a phenomenal timesink, but fundamentally I should be putting all my braincells into getting a second job.

Which I've been putting off forever — I went to a four-day work week last year because I wasn't coping anymore. Had the intention of starting a small business to mix things up, but that time has been consumed by house repairs, vehicle repairs, vehicle sales, family shit. And lbr, I don't want to go back to work, so I'm not trying hard enough. Gotta get my act together. Pick some kind of job and do it. Immediately. 💀

But yeah. The car goes in spring and my half will add another £2–3k to my chapel pot. Only we've been looking into replacements and they're all set to depreciate in a way we've never had to budget for before. The Ranger was a strange COVID fluke that will never happen again. Before we had that, we bought the Combo for £6k and expected it to lose £2k over our period of ownership. COVID actually lifted the sale price to £7.5k.

I look at those strokes of luck and realise they're how I've amassed enough to be within spitting distance of buying the chapel, not any personal budgeting successes or hard work, and so EVEN THE LUCKY THINGS become stressors.

Last night a bit of decorative wood trim fell off the chapel. We fixed and repainted some rotten window trim last year, but couldn't reach the roof and put it off. So that's a chore for this coming year. Fingers crossed the roof doesn't cave in in the meantime. We live just down the road from an obnoxious gossipy village who will absolutely talk about this and whatever method we use to fix it. Jim keeps reading their toxic little FB posts waiting for us to become the topic of conversation. It's his personal doomscrolling addiction.

He's been pretty depressed since his degree ended and has been pushing me a bit to Get Prettier. This is very out of character for him, and he walks a lot of it back when he's feeling better and was very very good at helping me through some shopping shit I couldn't have dealt with without him, but the comments still stick in my head. I know they don't sprout from nothing.

I'm conscious I have a massive chip in my shoulder about fashion and beauty so I'm not entirely against repairing some of that, but fuck, I hate it so much. Shopping is the activity that first made me understand what people meant when they used the word triggered. I read people's Reddit posts about bras that fit and what slip to buy for a knit dress and how to puzzle out your personal colour season and I want to blow my brains out. This is invented crap for shallow people but it matters, somehow it has to matter TO ME. Jim's like hey, I know as a tomboy you never learnt to do makeup but there are so many YT tutorials around now that you're barely at a disadvantage! And I'm like bro pls understand that makeup looks like shit to me. I watch the videos & I'm watching a good-looking woman make herself look shit. And I have to copy that?

No. Makeup is not happening, but I'm trying to tackle the skincare and the nailcare and some reworking of my personal style.

The timing on this is horrific, however. Imagine us having these huge discussions about money and wasting our lives and stress-related health complaints and pensions and our parents' growing health concerns and me needing a job and the chapel needing repairs and who shoulders the mental load. And then I'm all ooh oopsie that's my exfoliation alarm hehe lemme go do that and then slap snail mucus on my face. Fucking kill me.

A lot of this is because he asked me to dress up for his graduation, so I've gotta act sane and not make it all about me me me and my apparently CPTSD-grade insanity/fury because it's his big event and I'm hugely fuckin proud of him for getting a first and earning it so decisively.

Anyway my mum had a huge breakdown earlier this year that I had to help her through. Honestly thought she might off herself. I went up to stay for a week and cleaned her house and fed her and got her onto new meds. When she first retired in 2020 she planned to move but COVID fucked that up in so many ways. Now she's trapped in that house, which is too old and huge and high maintenance for her, and sits on a hill so steep she cannot climb back up if she goes out for a walk. It's a constant source of stress and something of a prison for her. Her financial manager retired and let her pension payments lapse, too, so suddenly she had to sort all that out, and she's not financially literate at all so she passed it to me.

Her financial advisor did not grow her money at all. He had it from 2011 and it lost £50k in that time. £300k if you factor in what it should have made if she'd stuck it in a standard tracker account. I'm trying to sort out her will and important shit like power of attorney and what she wants us to do in various situations and she's all well as I have so much money I'll get a nurse to visit! And I have to tell her that's not possible. She can safely take £9k a year and that will see her through to ninety, but there isn't anything else. She needs to downsize the house and use that money to secure herself.

Naturally this means she keeps turning on me as the harbinger of doom. I'm trying to get her pension reinvested in better funds and split a portion of it off so she's better diversified/less exposed to what is frankly a terrifying market, and she's mad because I Sound Like My Father when I suggest she reduces her drawdown by whatever she can afford. Just for now. Leave as much in there as possible for as long as possible to maximise compound interest, pick up the slack.

She has a sick cat. He's costing £90 a month in meds + he needs regular work that ranges from £300-£700 each time. She won't reduce her drawdown amount because she wants money to pay for him. Don't I understand she WON'T be the kind of person who KILLS a cat for MONEY REASONS?

I note I made a mistake once on a topic like this one. I owned one of our family cats, but he stayed with her when I moved out because he was old and happy there. When his kidneys failed, we discussed over the phone what we should do. We agreed we'd put him down. I waited until the end of the working week to travel up there. When I arrived, I discovered she'd independently decided to try to save him and had him at the emergency vet the entire time. As he was my cat, I paid the bill for all that + the inevitable euthanasia. It wiped out all my savings for that year.

To me, you look after your animal as best you can. But if you can't afford the treatment, you can't afford the fucking treatment. You don't torpedo your struggling finances for them. Not as an old person who refuses to lower any other outgoing, go back to work or sell a single thing on eBay to fund them.

She suggests we put his care on my credit card and she'll pay me back when she can.

I don't understand this view on money. Yes you can spread the cost of things over time. But that won't change what percentage of your yearly income can reasonably be spent on certain things (cats, holidays, shit on Amazon).

...which is again why I'm the bad guy.

I've backed off. I think at this point I've done my best to set her on her feet/help her grapple with the problem. I'd do more but she doesn't want that, so I'm stumped. I am ofc conscious that if she runs out of money and doesn't move before she's too old to move and ends up in a depression pit I will still be on the hook for that. But hey.

I'm really rambling now.

The reality is that I need to be driven and have some kind of vision to get out of my current situation and it's hard. I felt I chased what I wanted pretty decisively in my twenties, but in my thirties (I turned 35 at the start of the month) I'm realising it's all simultaneously pointless and incredibly important forever. You have Do Things to spin a narrative to yourself and others that you are a good and worthy human being with Stuff Going On. And somehow I have to Do Things for another 30-40 years, and if I slack I'll lose opportunities and lose the things I've already accumulated. Everything evaporates if you're not fucking on it all the time. Gotta challenge yourself always. But if you push your limits! You get overstressed and take psychic damage and can't be as effective moving forwards!

This has been Nyx's brunch breakdown, thank you, pls let this stop rattling around in my head and let me get some goddamn sleep now.

[wordnerdworld]

NaClYoHo 2024 Goals

Hello Salty Pirate Pals!

I figured I'd start the month off by identify some goals for what I'd like to accomplish this year. Some of these are priorities. Others are maybes depending on how I feel and what I have time for.

Priorities

Maintenance chores--These are my regular chores that I do throughout the year. I started using a chore app to help me spread these out and perform them consistently vs. trying to clean my entire apartment all at once (usually right before going out of town). It's been working really well for me, but I recently got busy at work and went out of town, so things have piled up a bit. Time to get things back in order.

RoomBabe Maintenance--I find having a robot vacuum really helpful. But for it to work well, I need to go in and check all of its filters and bits and bobs. Gotta take care of the babe.

Undecorate/Redecorate--Time to put the Halloween stuff away, which will probably involve purging some things I don't like/use.

Shoe Swap--Time to put away summer shoes.

Finish Wardrobe Changeover--I've already made a good bit of progress on this. Time to finish it up. Will combine this with purging/donating/transporting a few things.

Donate Items--Go through books/DVDs/games/puzzles and identify things to get rid of.

Car Detailing--I've been meaning to get my car (especially the interior) detailed for aaaaaages. For me, my car is just the thing I use to get to work, run errands, etc. I don't particularly care how it looks. But the highly-smudged windows are starting to drive even me crazy. It also needs a general maintenance checkover, oil change, and if I find someone to do a few body repair things, cool.

Doctors--For various reasons, I haven't been to a doctor in a really, really, really long time. My depression is definitely getting worse and contributes a lot to my executive dysfunction and exhaustion. I need to schedule a primary care doc, some head docs, a mammogram, and a dermatologist. If anyone has tips on how to get back on the healthcare horse when you are one Seriously Depressed Bitch who was taught Poor Health Means You Are a Failure, I'd appreciate it.

Maybes

Mending--I have a few items that need fixing.

Jewelry Cleaning--Bought some cleaning cloths and tarnish remover last month to bring my jewelry back to life so I'll wear more of it.

Organize/Relocate Tea Stash--The new location I put it in isn't working for me (too high), so I need to rethink things.

Gift Lists--'tis the season for annual gifting and getting; need to figure out a few things

That's all for now, which seems like plenty, since work is still very much A Thing that eats most of my life.

[journey-to-the-attic]

I've just discovered the pet zoo au and I.am.obsessed.

NO CUZ LIKE IMAGINE IK AND BELPHIE LISTENING TO "WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY" AND BELPHIE JUST STARTES MAKING FOX NOISES ON THAT PART.

Also for some reason I think beels "woof" would be like that one meme with the husky where the humans are trying to sush it and he just lets out the most definde 'woof' ever.

Another thing,what if they tried to write out their names??? Like Satan steps in int and tries to make multuple paw prints on a paper to draw out his name in a way (he fails)

Also, it's said that crows can learn some words...what if crow Mammon (due to being magic as well) manages to start saying a few words and even starts making full on sentences. Can just imagine him flying through the window and landing in front of Ik and her dad like "feed me mortals or perish" as a joke to freak them out BC 'omg a talking crow' AND THEY INSTEAD START SCREAMING THWIR BUTTS OFF WHILE MAMMON IS TRYING TO CALM THEM DOWN BUT IT ONLY TURNS WORSE.

On the talking crow Mammon topic,what if he tells Ik what the others want to tell her?? Like "Yeah Lucifer wants you to put more Britney Spears" or "Levi wants to watch you play this game" or "Asmo says you gotta go pet him"

(wanna hear more from you tho BC I like your hcs, they're funny and silly)

orders given, orders received (/j i've been wanting to talk more about this au too!!)

i love the idea of the brothers attempting to communicate their names,, i feel like lucifer and/or satan would come up with some really smart method of going about it (like laying out books or ripping up a newspaper and using the letters), but ik and her dad are just like 'ah, what silly animal antics' and clean up the mess without even noticing what they're trying to spell out

so at first they just all have nicknames-

lucifer: peter (as in Peter the Peacock)

mammon: car (crow goes "caw!", caw sounds like 'car', ergo, car)

levi: socks (on the first morning after they took the animals in, ik found him trying to hide inside one. it's also funny because usually you get cats or dogs named this)

satan: paddy (aunt lisa picked this one - as in st paddy, for his green eyes)

asmo: duchess (ik had a feeling he'd like it)

beel: boof (it's the noise he makes)

belphie: hu (from the chinese word for fox (zhao picked this one). sometimes it's extended to hu-hu)

at first, satan and asmo are the only ones who like their new nicknames, while everyone else is mostly neutral on theirs, apart from lucifer, who HATES his

however, he still responds to it, so really it's his fault that it sticks

eventually everyone warms up to their new nicknames, but they'd still like their new family to know their actual ones

i like the idea of mammon learning speech, so yes he'd be the one to eventually relay the message!

he hops around on ik's shoulder going "lucifer! lucifer! lucifer!", and ik thinks her crow friend is conducting a ritual up until she realises he keeps pointing his beak at peter the peacock

she does switch to their actual names once she learns them, but in her head she still tends to refer to them by their nicknames, and they still respond when she uses them aloud

mammon's language would be more fluent than a regular crow's, but i don't think he'd generally be able to string together full sentences

so it's more like a "hey! food!" when he's hungry, "kid? okay?" when he's concerned, "levi. bowl. broke!" when he's snitching

he can manage full sentences if he tries really hard, but he usually can't be bothered, so he saves them for when he's serious

for example, if ik were getting bullied, he would go full fluency mode to say "i'm gonna kill them for you"

the other brothers are mostly happy to just chill (particularly levi and belphie), but lucifer gets so restless with no work to do that he starts assigning himself random chores to occupy himself

for example he's decided it's his job to open all the curtains in the morning and close them at night

ik starts bringing home random worksheets from school and lucifer will just sit there staring at them (he doesn't have hands to write with so he just has to answer mentally)

levi has a little box by the window from which he can see the tv and also sunbathe

ik brings home a sheet of stickers so that he can pick some to decorate with

beel is SUCH a big dog that he would take up the whooole sofa or bed if he sat there, so usually he very politely sticks to the floor

but then they buy him a big blanket and he starts carrying it with him from room to room to rest on (belphie also steals it a lot)

everyone has their own little spots around the house where they usually stay, apart from mammon, who is nearly always found on ik's shoulder

if ik isn't home he will stand on zhao's head instead

satan nearly always sleeps on either ik or zhao's bed and at some point his habit extends to the others, so they start taking it in turns being 'guards' for both humans at night

lucifer pretends to be above it as if he DOESN'T trot himself right to rooms and stay there the whole night as soon as it's his turn

whenever ik's stressed out from school she comes home and just plonks herself on beel

he's such a big dog that he barely even feels it so he's perfectly happy to be a big fluffy pillow

levi spends most of his time in his box but he'll also be quite happy to go around the house draped around ik's neck and listening to her narrate her whole day to him

sometimes ik brings asmo ribbons and such and he gets so excited that he does that jumpy twisty thing rabbits do (i think it's called binkying?)

asmo and satan both get the zoomies but satan's always so embarrassed about it afterwards, while asmo simply owns the energy and then flops over for pats afterwards

belphie's normally very quiet and docile but occasionally he'll just SCREAM and it scares everyone in the house

[dudadragneel]

Hello guys! It's me!

How are you doing?

AFTER HALF A CENTURY...IM BACK WITH ANOTHER SICKFIC!

Now, this one was supposed to be a little drabble but I got a little carried away...

Anyways, enjoy!

Thinking about Hyunjin who has a really bad stomachache and he’s been crying on and off all day and can barely eat anything but once he feels a bit better he goes with reader to the library while she study’s in silence and he just kinda tries to distract himself with reading, but then he starts feeling nauseous and can’t really talk because yk you gotta be QUIET in a library. So he has to text her to tell her he feels like he’s going to vomit but she’s not quite getting the hint that he wants to leave so he has to be really blunt with her 😭. THEN she takes him outside and he just dry heaves, then she gives him water and he just throws up the water. but when they get in the car…oh that’s a WHOLE new situation and mess.

LIBRARY DATE

While you were on your midterms, Hyunjin was in a well-deserved rest period. However,  the poor boy's body was feeling the toll from the last promotion. His immune system wasn't doing that great and he ate something that didn't sit well with his stomach.

He woke up with a really bad stomach ache, it was a sharp pain around his middle, especially sharp in the pit of his stomach. The pain was so strong he actually started crying at some point.

- babe, it hurts!

- oh baby. I know it does. I gave you medicine, it will take some time for it to work. Do you want to eat some light soup? Or maybe a fruit?

- no...it feels horrible...I feel like I've eaten enough for the week.

- but you didn't eat anything. Not since last night.

-I know....but I just can't, it's hurting too much.

- oh Hyune...do you want me to rub your belly?

- yes...

You sat next to him at the edge of the bed where he was lying down and proceeded to rub his belly. He felt comfortable with your touch and closed his eyes to try and rest. In a few minutes, he managed to fall asleep.

You let him rest while you finished doing your chores at the house and prepared something light for him to eat in case he woke up feeling a little better.

A few hours later, he woke up feeling a little better, the pain was barely there and he was actually feeling a bit hungry.

You had prepared some light snacks for him, as you thought that would sit better than soup.

- Hey sleepyhead.

- Hey babe.

He said going towards you like a little kid for a hug.

You hugged him as he buried his face on your shoulders and spoke softly.

- Are you feeling better?

- Yeah...a little....

- Do you want to eat something?

- Yeah...

- Come on.

You said as you grabbed his hand and walked to the table. You served him the snacks you were preparing before in hopes he'd be able to get at least a little bite in.

- You don't have to eat everything. Just pick what you think your stomach will agree with.

- Woah! Thank you, honey.

You just smiled as you sat in front of him while he ate. You kept scrolling through your phone and chatting with him.

- Hyune

- Hm?

- I'm thinking about going to the library to study later. Are you gonna be ok alone?

- Can I accompany you?

- are you sure? Are you feeling better?

- Yeah. I think going out of the house might help me feel less stressed.

- Okay then. Why don't you finish eating and while you digest your food, I'll take a shower and get ready?

- ok!

He did as you told him, he sat on the couch and patiently waited while you showered and gathered your stuff.

The local library wasn't that big but it was beautiful and cozy and definitely helped you feel more concentrated to study.

You found a free table, sat down, and organized your things, you put on your earphones to help you concentrate more. Hyunjin just sat in front of you, completely in love seeing you so focused. He loved seeing how passionate you were about the things you did, even if it was just sitting down and studying.

He couldn't really keep on using his phone so he decided to look for a book about art to read while you studied.

At first, he was entertained, almost like a toddler, he managed to learn about some other painting techniques and he was happy that this outing turned out to be productive for him as well.

But then things started to go south. As he was reading, the stomachache from earlier was starting to turn into full nausea.

And unfortunate to him because, ironically, he picked a book that had tons of Van Gogh's paintings in it, and all that swirling werent helping at all.

He brought a hand to his stomach and gently pressed on it because even though he felt nauseous, the pain from earlier was still lingering around.

He tried to stay focused on the book but the more he tried to read or look at the pictures the more his stomach twisted. He placed the book on the table, closed his eyes took and deep breath in, and exhaled, trying to keep the nausea at bay.

He kept bringing his hand to his stomach and fidgeting on the chair, most to catch your attention, but you were basically in another dimension of full focus, and he didn't really want to use his phone and risk feeling even worse.

But the nausea was growing stronger, so he had no other option. He got his phone and texted you, but the contents of the message weren't shown so you just shrugged it off as him trying to distract you.

He sent a few more texts, but you didn't even bother looking up, part of you wanted to show him that you could stay focused even when he incorporated a toddler to annoy you. But little did you know the distress he was in.

He set down his phone and lay his head on his arms, but the nausea was reaching its peak. He could feel the little he had eaten earlier sloshing around and his mouth started pooling with saliva. He started to swallow convulsively but things just weren't working.

He felt something rushing up his chest and a foul taste in his mouth, he was gonna throw up and there was nothing more he could do to avoid it. And you still hadn't read his texts. He didn't want to talk, first because you were in a library and it was really quiet, and second because he was afraid that if he opened his mouth he'd throw up right then and there, but he had no other choice. He needed to get out of there.

He abruptly put down your book and if you weren't in a library, you would've yelled at him.

You looked straight at him but before you could even get angry, he took his only chance.

- I'm gonna throw up.

He said as quietly as possible but still urgent. Apparently, just admitting that he was gonna be sick, made his stomach contract and he was quick to cover his mouth to surpass a gag.

- Shit.

You said standing up and getting to his side. You just grabbed his arm and wrapped your arm around him as you guided him out, his body already bending over as his stomach contracted again.

Unfortunately for him, some people noticed the sudden commotion.

For some reason, the bathroom wasn't near the room you were in, so you just took him outside in the yard.

He bent over, hands on his knees for support while you kept on holding his arm and rubbing his back.

He spat out the thick saliva that had filled his mouth as you two were walking out of the room.

He felt awful, saliva kept filling his mouth over and over again and he just kept spitting it out. But the nausea was still there and it was strong.

He tried straightening his back for a bit to see if he would feel any different, but it just made his stomach flip again.

He bent over one more time and began gagging again, you could feel him tensing up under your touch with every gag but nothing but saliva came out. You felt horrible and could only hope people would just pass by and not notice him.

- Hyune? May I try something?

He just nodded. You massaged his stomach with a bit of pressure to see if you could stimulate it somehow to help him get whatever was making him feel bad out. But it didn't work, he just kept dry heaving.

- I-I feel awful...my stomach is churning and flipping but nothing is coming up...

- Oh baby...Why don't you try drinking some water? Maybe trying to get something in will help you throw up. Don't take small sips, just try to drink as you normally would.

You handed him your bottle of water and he drank it just as you said.

He drank almost half a bottle and he could feel his stomach revolting inside him. He bent over again and gagged a few times before his stomach contracted a little more and brought up all the water he had just drank but nothing else.

You kept rubbing his back as he proceeded to throw up water and thick saliva. In a few minutes, he was left dry heaving again. You gave him some water to rinse his mouth and then wiped it.

- Babe? Why don't we sit down for a bit?

- Hmm...

You guided him to a nearby tree and helped him sit down.

- How are you feeling?

- Sick...

- Okay. Let's go home. I'll go grab our stuff.

- I'm sorry...I'm sorry for interrupting your study...

- Don't apologize...I should be the one apologizing for not noticing sooner... Just wait here, I'll be right back.

He lay his back on the tree and tilted his head back with his eyes closed. He took deep breaths and tried to pay attention to his breathing or the sound of the leaves rustling with the wind, anything that could distract him from nausea in his stomach.

You grabbed your stuff and apologized for the sudden commotion and left to get the sick boy waiting by the tree.

- Come on, let's go. Can you stand?

- Can you help me?

- Of course.

You positioned your arms beneath his while he held you for support, and helped him to his feet. You stood like that for a while, with a firm grip on him, to make sure he wasn't feeling faint before heading to the car.

- Do you prefer to roll down your window or the AC?

- The AC...I'm afraid that any smell will enter the car if the windows are open.

- Okay. Babe, tell me if you feel like throwing up, okay? So I can at least try to pull over.

- Okay.

The first 30 minutes of the ride were okay. He kept his eyes closed while you held his hand, thank God for automatic cars. You kept quiet the whole time because you didn't want to overwhelm him.

But then, the worst happened. Traffic. For some reason, traffic stopped. And you felt desperate because you wanted to get home fast, so Hyunjin could rest.

- Shit! There must've been an accident or the traffic lights are broken...you okay?

He just nodded and closed his eyes again. You knew he wasn't okay, he was far from being okay. Traffic felt like it was moving one centimeter at a time.

He was okay at first because the car wasn't moving but the realization that he'd be stuck in a car for god knows how long while feeling sick made everything worse.

The nausea which was somewhat controlled, increased ten times. He squeezed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh while his hands gripped his thighs and the door handle with such force his knuckles turned white. He tried taking deep breaths but the sudden movement of the car made his stomach jolt. He felt something coming up his throat and started to swallow convulsively. There's no chance in hell he was gonna throw up inside the car, he had already ruined your study day and now he was going to soil your car with vomit? No chance.

You were too focused on the road, trying to understand what was causing the traffic jam, so you didn't notice him fidgeting by your side.

He managed to swallow it back but it was a useless effort. As soon as it went down it shot back up, hot foul tasting liquid hitting the back of his throat. He gagged and quickly brought his hands to his mouth, fearing the worst.

The gag snapped you back into the reality of the car.

- Hyune? You okay?

He barely made eye contact with you when his stomach jolted one more time, making him gag once more. But this time, vomit gushed out, slipping through his fingers, and soiling both him and your car.

- Oh my god! Hyune!

His stomach didn't give him time to think before contracting again and sending even more pale vomit up, once again escaping through his fingers.

You were shocked with the situation unfolding before your eyes so it took a few seconds for you to react.

You quickly reached for the glove box and found a little towel you always kept with you, considering how he had gotten sick in the car before.

- Oh babe! Don't worry.

You placed it on his lap and told him to open his hands and let the vomit fall on the towel, while you drove a little more. Once you stopped again, you looked for a plastic bag inside your stuff so that Hyunjin could throw up everything making him feel bad.

- Here. Use this.

- S-sorry...I'm s-sorry...

- Don't apologize. It's not your fault you're sick.

He closed his eyes as he gagged again, this time inside the bag, liquid coming out and hitting the back making a sickening sound. You could only rub his back and mutter some words while you drove.

- Oh baby, just let everything out.

He burped another wave, followed by another one making him bend forward a little and you could feel him tensing up under your hand.

- Just get everything out.

He gagged a few times until he threw up again, vomit mixing with the liquid inside the bag. The car was starting to smell and you both wanted to get out of there.

Thankfully, the traffic jam stopped and you as fast as you legally could to get home.

Arriving there, you went straight to Hyunjin's door to help him.

- Here. Let me get rid of this.

You threw away the bag filled with vomit and turned your full attention to him, who was sitting inside the car facing you.

- We're home, baby. Let's go. Can you stand?

- I don't kno-

He was cut off by a sudden gag that sent up more vomit making him bend forward and you barely escaped from soiling your shoes. You shifted to his side and rubbed his back as he vomited again.

- Here. Rinse your mouth and let's go up. You need to take a shower.

He rinsed his mouth and you helped him up, wrapping your hands around him and carefully heading to the elevator.

Arriving home, you went directly to the bathroom with Hyunjin. You helped him out of his soiled clothes and tossed them in the dirty laundry basket.

- You don't need to stay here...

- Hyune, we've been dating for quite some time now...you don't need to be embarrassed. I just don't want to risk you fainting in the shower. But I'll turn around if that will make you feel more comfortable.

- Thank you...sorry...

- it's okay, honey.

Thankfully the shower ended without any accidents, despite him dry heaving over the rain for a brief moment.

You helped him change clothes and then got the bed ready for him to sleep.

You embraced him in a tight hug and kissed the top of his head. And that was the last straw. He started to cry and sob and buried his face in your shoulder.

- Honey? Baby? Why are you crying?

You said with a cute voice and almost crying yourself.

- I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...

- it's okay, baby! Stop apologizing.

- but...I ruined your day...you couldn't study because of me, your car is completely dirty...I'm sorry

He said breaking down even more.

- Oh baby! There's nothing to apologize for. You were sick! It's not your fault! You didn't ruin my day! Stop worrying about that! Hyune, I love you! I'd never, not once, think that you ruined my day.

You said as you cupped his face in your hands and wiped his tears away.

- promise me you'll stop feeling guilty about it.

- I- I promise...

He said pouting. You kissed him and then embraced him again as you two lay in bed.

- How are you feeling?

- Still a little nauseous...

- Wait here a little bit, let me grab a bucket just in case.

You grabbed the bucket at light speed and went back to bed. You cuddled him and started rubbing his belly. He sunk under your touch and within minutes, the poor tired boy was fast asleep.

You changed your approach and kept stroking his hair until you fell asleep as well.

The night went on without any other incidents, the poor boy had his energy completely drained after everything that happened and you couldn't be more grateful that he managed to sleep like a rock until midday.

[draw-n-vent-with-imani]

PatB Review- Happy Narfday

**Before we get into it, I want to apologize for how long this has taken me to get out. I've been juggling a few different projects around and this always got pushed to the back burner.**

Oh dear, you guys want me to start off angry, don't ya?

Okay okay, I said I'd praise every episode at least a little, so I'll start off positive:

The first few minutes were actually pretty decent

Loved the song in this segment, I laugh every time Pinky starts singing

Any episode that gives more insight as to how Pinky thinks has some serious potential, and this one did NOT disappoint in that regard

It really had the potential to have a seriously sweet ending, or at least an interesting ending

Unfortunately...

That's where the positives end

When I tell you that my heart dropped when I read the episode summary before even seeing the segment, it fucking DROPPED.

If you don't need to read an overly negative rant of your favorite segment, here's your que to dip now, I won't be holding back just because I've had a year or two to simmer down.

You're here for the long haul, eh?

Alrighty then

Let's start with the premise: "Brain is forced to celebrate Pinky's Birthday"

There is no better way to piss me off than to word a summary like that. Brain not wanting to celebrate his own birthday is one thing, but to have him despise the idea of celebrating his ONLY FRIEND'S birthday is something completely different. These are the kinds of plotlines where Brain is at his most insufferable because he has to put himself aside. I was actually really worried that Talladega Mouse would turn out this way, but it thankfully didn't (maybe I'll do a review on that one next if it wins the next poll XD).

Brain being 'forced' to do something means he's just going to complain or lie or be antagonistic for the duration of the segment, and in this one he surprisingly manages to tick all of those.

But enough about the premise; I'm sure y'all are more interested in what I think of the meat of the episode. I will tackle this in 3 sections- The Build-Up, The Moment I "Walked Away", and Why the Apology Sucks- and then I'll wrap everything up with my final thoughts. Let's get into it!

The Build-Up (Everything leading up to the reveal)

I went into this segment knowing that there was a 50% chance I wouldn't like it because I HATE plotlines where Brain treats Pinky like he's a 'chore' to deal with, but I was hoping I could be pleasantly surprised.

And the first few minutes actually aren't that bad. Like I said, I love the song, and Pinky actually almost saying that he doesn't want to take over the world all the time could have led to a very interesting conversation.

However, that all changes when Brain decides to lie about the amulet he finds. And I've gotta stop to rant about his 'idea' because it's fucking stupid. So...his plan was to give it to Pinky as a present, take it while he was sleeping, and then use it for his plan (which we all know he wasn't going to enact that night because he had already been up for a FULL 24 HOURS). How stupid does he think Pinky is? It was kind of implied earlier in the episode that Pinky wasn't even really expecting Brain to get him anything. Did Brain think he could just take Pinky's present, one that he loved to the point that he was going to sleep right next to it, and then have that be the end of it? No shit he's going to notice. It makes more sense to just HIDE it for the rest of the episode and have Pinky realize Brain was planning behind his back.

You'll soon realize that a lot of my issues with episodes like these are linked to how if you think about what Brain is doing for more than 5 seconds, it immediately falls apart (i.e. Brain making B.R.A.I.N unfeeling and dumping his feelings on it, making a pocket dimension where he's married to Julia, throwing Pinky under the bus in court).

Anyway, Pinky finds Brain, gets his 'present' and then says this:

"I don't need anything but your friendship to have the best Narfday ever! And I mean it! Zort!"

It is at this point that I knew I would be cringing anytime Brain lies through his teeth. Like I said before, my feelings do end up making me view this episode in a very weird light. Just, Pinky wanted to spend a day with his best friend and not have to worry about ANYTHING. It was a plus to get a gift because he already loves being with Brain so damn much. At this point in season 2, Brain hasn't realized how much he should value his time with Pinky

The next song segment proceeds and then we get to...

The Moment I "Walked Away"

Pinky's confrontation was one of the hardest scenes for me to get through due to one important factor: second-hand rage. I get angry for Pinky a lot of the time ESPECIALLY in the reboot, and this episode had me reach my peak.

For starters, you get to hear Pinky try to get Brain to relax but Brain's trying to lie to get the amulet, which results in it getting destroyed and Brain blowing up at Pinky. This leads to the big reveal that Pinky's birthday had long since past and that he could never find the right time to bring it up until now.

Brain finally realizes he's been a dick and he apologizes and asks for forgiveness. This is where I get irrationally angry

When I tell you I couldn't sit though the scene, I mean every few seconds, I had to pause the video and pace around my room, mentally walking myself through Brain's behavior because I just couldn't comprehend it. What doesn't help is that the structure of the episode prevents any of what Pinky or Brain do in this moment to hit as hard as it really could have.

At this moment, I'm getting into my personal feelings about how I would have written the episode, because the way it is- it's just infuriating:

For starters, I'd make it a full 22 minutes (or at least somewhere between 11-15) because the episode was too damn short for the story they were trying to tell. If they wanted Brain to actually EARN any sort of forgiveness, you can not have him apologize and then have Pinky immediately forgive him. Pinky has more of an edge than that, he's gotten Brain to properly apologize before; let him run off in a huff, or just have him tell Brain "I need some alone time", or SOMETHING

You gotta move the reveal to earlier so that we can see Pinky take some time before he forgives Brain, or give time so that Brain can actually TRY to make it up to Pinky

Brain's apology consisted of him putting himself down and THEN asking for forgiveness; he says NOTHING that implies he won't do the same thing again if he thinks he can get away with it. The reboot gave us one of the darkest interpretations of this character and they give him such an elementary school apology that I just can't accept it.

The whole "returining to the status quo" thing can happen, but why did it have to zoom in so damn quickly? This show just doesn't like letting anyone sit in their emotions

You know what would have been interesting to see? Brain blows up just as he does in the episode, but Pinky goes to get some space and drops his birthday list. When Brain goes to pick it up, he sees what the last thing on Pinky's birthday list was: "Try to take over the world with Brain". Brain has a moment to himself where it is completely silent and he has to live with his mistake and try to make it better. Brain eventually finds Pinky and then gives a PROPER apology

Speaking of the "apology"...

Why the Apology Sucks

I want you to just THINK about the apology again for a second:

"PerhapsI did end up solving my Absolute Zero theory after all, Pinky. For I'm an Absolute Zero when it comes to being a friend. Can you ever forgive me?"

Brain's never been the best at issuing apologies, but this one got be riled up, so I felt the need to add this section in to analyze exactly what makes this not work.

An Ohio State University study cited 6 elements of an effective apology:

More specifically:

Looking at the 2 key elements, while Brain's apology meets the first requirement, he fails to offer to fix the problem himself. Instead, Pinky is the one to ask to do the last thing on his list and Brain allows it.

What's more is that out of the 6 main elements, Brain really only meets 2 of them through his words: Expression of Regret, and Request for forgiveness (the article even talks about how the request isn't the strongest element)

Like I said earlier, Brain spent a majority of the apology saying how bad he was instead of showcasing that he fully understands why Pinky is upset or how sorry he is or saying how selfish he was or simply offering Pinky another chance to do something for his birthday now that he knows it was several weeks ago.

I know I'm being extra hard on Brain, but if you've heard any of my past rambles, you know it's because of how much I love his character and I was actually rooting for his arc he was going on in the reboot.

Final Thoughts

Happy Narfday was an episode that not only met my expectations, it exceeded them in how I expected Brain to be portrayed in this episode.

Have any of you watched "A Family That Poits Together"? Well the first couple of minutes of that episode is EXACTLY how Brain was written for over half of this episode's runtime. Brain being unreasonably angry and annoyed at Pinky the whole time gets irritating and the ending just sends me over the edge in second-hand rage.

Is this an awful episode? No, not by a long shot by this season's standards. Was it the most disappointing? Actually no, that award goes to a completely different season 2 episode.

What this episode represents in my eyes is an attempt to make Brain be more considerate of Pinky, and by my standards, it failed horribly

And with that, this is where this ramble ends

Thank you for being so patient with me, and I'll see you soon with the next episode poll!

[moonchildreads]

small town

Chapter 5 - I've Got a Rock 'n' Roll Heart

IN THIS CHAPTER: A private metal show, talks about college, and Dottie writes a lot of lists [3.2k]

WARNINGS: none

masterlist - prev - next | playlist

Before we go crazy, before we explode There's something about me, baby, you got to know

Wednesday, April 16th - 1986

As the days progressed, Dottie found herself getting into a new yet pleasant routine: saying hi to Mike and Dustin when she got off the bus and saw them parking their bikes outside, waving to her new friends in the hallways, discovering all the classes she was sharing with them and had never noticed until now, switching seats to sit together, having lunch with them, free periods with them. She shared Political Science and Chemistry with Gareth, English Literature and Calculus with Eddie, World History with Jeff, and Home Economics with Donny. Her AP Spanish classroom was next door to Donny’s Italian class, and from her seat in Psychology she could look out the window and see Eddie always running late for his Music Theory class. When she’d get out of AP Research, Gareth would be waiting outside, fresh from his Environmental Studies class, a million complaints on his tongue about how utterly boring and useless every lesson was.

It was strange to think how empty her life at Hawkins had been up until that point, and when the week before her 18th birthday rolled in, she found herself contemplating seriously, for the first time in a long time, that maybe she really wanted to do something to commemorate it. Maybe this time on her birthday she could be surrounded with people her own age, and maybe she’d try her first beer, and maybe, just maybe, she’d finally have pictures with friends to stick to her corkboard instead of only photos with her makeshift family. She was sitting alone at their usual lunch table waiting for everyone to arrive when she glanced at the cold, foggy field through the big cafeteria windows, her eyes settling on the picnic table where Dustin had found her that fateful Friday. Dottie felt the panic build in her stomach at the thought of inviting people to a party and them not showing up. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle that level of disappointment. Not again, at least.

Taking a big breath, Dottie ripped a page from the back of her notebook and began making a list.

Looking around at the students milling about in the cafeteria, she tapped her favorite black pen on her lower lip and thought about plans and ideas and the people she wanted to invite. Gareth, of course, he was easily the one person she felt the closest to at the moment. Donny, who she was now regularly trading mixes and cassette tapes with. Dustin, the one who started it all. Would it be weird to invite Erica? Oh, but the younger girl was so much fun to be around, and she put the boys in their place with such an ease. Under the previous list, she workshopped another one.

“Whatchu working on?” Donny asked, dropping into the seat next to hers, startling her from her thoughts.

“It’s nothing,” she hurried to put the paper back in her notebook. “Just- list of chores I gotta get done this week.”

“Boring,” Jeff said, dropping himself alongside Gareth on the chair opposite of hers.

“What are you guys up to today?” she asked, trying to change the topic as Eddie theatrically pushed her chair to the side with a bump of his hip, boxing her between himself and Donny.

“Band practice!” Gareth exclaimed.

“Wait, today?” Dottie was extremely confused.

“Every Wednesday and Saturday, why?”

“You were gonna come over to my house today, dumbass,” his brow furrowed. “The presidential campaign ads report we are supposed to be writing for next week?”

“Fuck, I forgot.”

“Yeah, no shit!”

“Sorry, maybe we can work on it tomorrow?”

“Hold on,” Eddie interrupted, a thought spreading in his brain. “Why don’t you come to band practice? You get a free show and when we’re done, you two can work on your homework and we,” he pointed to Jeff. “-can knock off that bullshit Sociology paper off our backs.”

“You’re really suggesting we form a fucking study group after band practice? You? Who are you and what have you done with Eddie Munson?” Jeff looked at him like he had grown two heads.

“I don’t know about you, man, but this Eddie Munson doesn’t wanna do senior year one more time, okay? I’ll blow my brains out if I have to be here next year after you guys leave.”

The table was silent for a few seconds while everyone considered the idea. It wasn’t that it was a bad plan, but Eddie suggesting a study group wasn’t something anyone had been expecting. It wasn’t that he was stupid, he was just… incredibly lazy and there was little in the world that motivated him to actually put in the work needed for graduation. Apparently things had come to a boiling point for him because this time he was actually not far behind from where he needed to be to get that coveted diploma and finally get the hell out of Hawkins High.

Gareth and Dottie looked at each other, having a silent conversation with their eyes that frankly put Eddie very on edge for a variety of reasons he was not willing to explore at the moment, and finally shrugged at the same time.

“I gotta call my Dad and explain but I don’t think he’ll be too concerned,” she said, and Eddie threw his arm over her shoulders to pull her into a one-sided hug.

“Great! Now that that’s settled, any song requests for us, princess?”

Gareth’s house was a quaint little thing in a lovely cul-de-sac not very far from where Dottie lived. As the pair walked up the street after getting off the school bus, she noticed that he seemed oddly nervous, which in her experience was very unlike him. Trying to get him out of his funk, she bumped her shoulder with his; he gave her a shy smile in return.

“What’s got you so worried?” she asked, hugging her pretty pastel striped folder to her chest.

“Nothing, it’s just… It’s really dumb.”

“I won’t laugh.”

The boy sighed, realizing she wasn’t gonna let it go until she had pried him open like a can as she so often did. These days it seemed no one could keep their secrets from her - just last Friday she’d gotten Mike to admit that he’d had his first serious fight with his girlfriend during Spring break, and she’d given him advice about how to make things right too at the younger boy’s request. There was something about Dottie that felt comfortable, like you could trust her with your problems and she’d try to solve them for you, and when she couldn’t, she would hold your hand while you went through them anyways. He wondered if she had anyone holding hers, or if she’d even let anyone offer to do so.

“Classmates don’t really come over, y’know?” Gareth admitted. “The guys come for band practice twice a week ‘cause I can’t move my drums around but… I’ve never done the whole study group thing. Not since middle school group projects, I guess.”

“To tell you the truth, I’ve never really done it either,” it was his turn to be surprised. “I didn’t have a lot of friends my age growing up, and I was always busy babysitting my cousins while they got together so this study group thing is new to me too. But that’s okay,” she smiled warmly at him. “We can figure it out together. Have the quintessential high school experience and all that.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly. “It’ll be interesting, for sure. Weird that Eddie suggested it. I don’t think I’ve seen him do anything school related in all the years that I’ve known him.”

“Well, maybe we can be a good influence on him. It’d be really cool if we could graduate and go to prom together, right?”

“You wanna go to prom with Eddie?” he teased, the image of the older boy in a formal suit ridiculous to him.

“No, stupid,” she hit him in the arm with her folder, her cheeks a little red. “All of us together, as a group. Hellfire Class of ‘86 or something. It’d be fun.”

“Yeah, good luck convincing him to go. He’s had two senior proms already and only showed up to sell weed in the parking lot.”

“Is that a challenge, Gareth the Great?”

“Not with your odds, Dottie the Darling. He always does what you tell him to do. I’m pretty sure he’d jump off Sattler Quarry if you asked him.”

“Oh, are you saying you wouldn’t? Thought you trusted me, some friend you are,” she joked back, following him up the garage entrance at the back of the house.

At that, Gareth laughed heartily, reaching down to lift the garage door and revealing his setup to her. While he went into the house to get something to drink, she took the opportunity to look around and find a place to watch comfortably; not too near the amplifiers or the drums. She settled her things on an upturned crate of milk lying next to an old lawn chair and looked at the posters and big flag hanging from the walls. Gareth returned with a few cans of soda for everyone and extended one to her.

“Thanks,” she said, watching him get ready to do his thing. “I don’t think I know that band.”

“Which one?” he turned his head, following her pointing finger. “Oh, that’s us. We’re Corroded Coffin.”

“Really,” she stifled a laugh.

“Look, we were kids. It sounded cool.”

“No, definitely. Super cool.”

“Ah, fuck off,” they both laughed.

Dottie sat on a lonely stool that was close to the drums and watched him curiously while he adjusted his seat. She couldn’t play an instrument to save her life, but she had tried to once. Her old cheap acoustic guitar was currently hiding somewhere inside her wardrobe; a sad leftover from a former life where she’d tried to fit in at a huge school by taking guitar lessons for a few months. The summer had come and her teacher had skipped town; she’d never tried to find another one and had never picked the guitar up again. Maybe one day, she kept telling herself, and deep down, some part of her thought she actually might go through with it.

Gareth settled into a comfy rhythm, stretching his fingers and getting into the proper mood, stealing a few glances at her to see if she was enjoying herself. He was pleased to know that she was - Dottie looked at him like this was the most entertaining thing that had happened to her all day, which, to be fair, it probably was. He added a few little flourishes to make her laugh, tapping into his jazz lessons from when he had been barely tall enough to reach the pedals. Soon enough, the rest of the boys arrived in Eddie’s van, blaring some metal song she had never heard before. She helped them unload their gear, making light conversation with Donny as he plugged in his bass and plucked a few notes to get his fingers warm.

“Alright, princess, ready for the show?” Eddie asked, taking his place at his mic to the left, Jeff to his right in the middle of the “stage” with his own mic in front of him.

“Woooo, go Coffin!” she cheered, swinging her legs in the air in front of her from her seat at the stool, now at the front.

The boys launched into a cover of Black Sabbath’s Paranoid and anything that Dottie had been expecting, had to be thrown out of a window immediately. They weren’t just good, they were legitimately great. Donny played his bass with surgical precision, like he had been doing it since the day he was born. Gareth repeatedly made her laugh, shaking his head like he was possessed, never once missing his beat. Jeff had a phenomenal voice; she was only half mad he hadn’t bothered to mention he was this gifted. He exuded a boyish charm she normally didn’t associate with the more reserved teen, but it was a lot of fun to see this side of him proudly displayed for everyone that walked by. And Eddie, Jesus Christ, Eddie. It was like he had been created for the sole purpose of standing on a stage someday. He exhaled music in every breath, he goofed around with Jeff, made faces at Gareth, closed his eyes and tilted his head to the sky while he shredded his six-string. He was a showman, that had been apparent in their D&D sessions but this, this was something else entirely.

As they rolled in and out of different songs, some that she knew, some that she didn’t, she found herself staring more and more at Eddie. Eddie’s hands plucking notes from the strings, Eddie’s hair swinging wildly, Eddie’s legs carrying him around the garage as he engaged in theatrics with the rest of the boys, Eddie’s neck when he threw his head back, Eddie’s voice as he sang backup vocals for Jeff. It was overwhelming, this feeling of seeing him as he truly was for the first time and yet recognizing so many little tics and mannerisms she’d seen every day by now in this incredible performer. Get your shit together, Dorothy, she forced herself to think when they stopped for a break, Gareth passing cans of Dr. Pepper around.

Donny and Eddie were smoking just outside the garage door and while they were distracted, she took the opportunity to praise Jeff copiously. The teen couldn’t stop scratching his neck in a mixture of embarrassment and pride. Gareth slid next to her when Jeff excused himself to go to the bathroom, barely contained energy noticeable by the way he was tapping on his can as he settled on the table next to her.

“So? What d’you think?” he asked, genuinely wanting to hear her opinion.

“Oh my god, G, that was… that was amazing, what the fuck. Why didn’t you tell me you guys were this good?” he shrugged. “And you! Wow, who knew you were hiding all of that under those curls. Remind me again why you don't have a girlfriend.”

“Okay, you’re definitely lying now,” he laughed, taking a sip of his soda. “You gotta come to The Hideout someday, you’d love it.”

“I will, just gotta convince my Dad to let me go out on a school night. After we all graduate and leave for college and shit, you guys gotta play for me when we come back during the breaks or I’ll be really sad.”

“I, um,” he began, a little embarrassed. “I’m not leaving, actually. I’m going to Hawkins Community.”

“Really? What are you gonna do there?”

“Music. Percussion,” he said, like it was obvious. “Money isn’t exactly great right now, y’know. Gretchen’s tuition is really expensive,” he shrugged. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot and my parents agree community college is a good fit for me, for now at least. I was a jazz drummer before all this metal stuff so…”

“Impressive. Try to remember us mortals when people call you the next Ringo Starr, okay?”

“Ah, shut up. I’ll probably end up being a teacher or something boring like that. What are you gonna do?”

“Teaching,” Dottie said with a straight face.

“...you’re fucking with me.”

“I’m not,” she smiled at him. “I’m thinking either Elementary or English. Haven’t really decided yet but I don’t gotta declare until like… my junior year, I think. I’ve got time.”

“Wow,” they sat in silence watching Jeff join Donny and Eddie outside. “Where are you going?”

“Michigan.”

“Michi…” he trailed off before snapping his head back in her direction. “You are the kid that got into UMich with a full ride?” he looked at her like she’d just told him she was a Russian spy.

“That’s me,” Dottie did jazz hands to illustrate. “I applied when I was still in New York, I was Early Admission.”

“Jesus. Talk about remembering us when you’re famous.”

“Yeah, a famous kinder teacher. I’ll be known for my finger painting skills.”

“What are we talking about?” Eddie asked, resting his back against the table Gareth was sitting on.

“College.”

“Ew, boring. Change of topic.”

“You’re the one who interrupted us,” Gareth told him, rolling his eyes.

“Actually…”

The boys looked at Dottie, waiting for her to finish her sentence. She felt a wave of nervousness roll through her entire body, her toes tensing inside her sneakers, her palms clammy. She cleaned them on the back of her jeans and laughed shakily, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

“So… I don’t know if I mentioned this but it’s my birthday on Monday,” she said. “I was thinking that maybe you guys would like to come over? Saturday night?”

“Party time?” Jeff asked, eyes glinting.

“Something like that,” she chuckled. “Just to hang out? Play some games, fun music, pizza, cake. I was thinking of asking everyone else too, even Erica. We can have like a little Hellfire birthday if you’re down. My Dad is super chill and he’s been saying for years now that I can drink my first beer on my 18th birthday so there will be booze. Just, y’know, behave?”

“I’m down!” Gareth declared, and she smiled, happy that she’d been correct in putting his name first under the Yes column on her list.

“Me too!” Donny said, stubbing his cig with his heel and hurrying inside.

“Sure, it’ll be fun,” Jeff said, and Dottie wasn’t entirely too sure if he was telling the truth or not. Probably column it is.

She turned to look at Eddie for his final answer; he was looking at her with an unreadable expression. In a split second, he grinned and raised his soda can above his head.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, darling,” he said, and winked at her from the top of his can as he downed what was left in it. He put it down on the table and looked at the rest of his band. “Come on, let’s get a few more songs in before Gareth’s mom gets home and we gotta hit the textbooks.”

By the time the weekend had started, she’d made Actual Real Solid Plans with her dad about the party and invited the rest of the Hellfire Club during Friday’s session. On Sunday night, basking in her last hours as a 17 year old, Dottie took out the crinkled sheet of paper she���d written her initial attendees list on and made a few changes. It now read:

[larkthorne]

[Image ID: the cover of a book: Laundry Love: Finding Joy In A Common Chore by Patric Richardson with Karin B. Miller. The title is in rainbow letters on a yellow background with a stylized drawing of a front load washing machine with a heart on the door in the middle of the cover. /End ID]

Hello to all of you with laundry on chairs, etc, whose executives also fail to function, hope you're well, etc.

Just want to recommend this book to anyone who dislikes laundry or can't keep on top of it! I listened to the audiobook a couple months ago and it has changed the way I do laundry. Here's a TL;DR summary but if you can get this book from your library or whatever it's a charming, easy, quick read.

The basic gist of this life-changing laundry method is, you look at your week. You pick a day that works. That's laundry day babey. Six days a week, don't worry about it. On laundry day, do something. (Caveat: my laundry day is nominally Wednesday but well. It does shift around! For my two person household, as long as I don't go longer than 10 days between Laundry Day we're fine. Your mileage may vary.) Laundry!

Laundry Day, per the method in Laundry Love, is a celebration. One puts on a fun playlist. One watches a trashy romcom while folding. One has a disco ball in one's laundry room, etc. Laundry Day is for enacting care on the things that go on your body everyday.

(I've not quite got that far, but I do try to make it pleasant. I like an audiobook or a podcast.)

The method has you split your clothes into lights, darks, warm colors, and cool colors. I don't think this is like, totally necessary - I like to do it, but if it was a very low spoons day, just sort of making two to four mid-size piles regardless of color would be fine. It is handy to have more smaller piles rather than one or two big ones, in my experience - more on that later.

Before you wash each load, ideally you pretreat stains (the book goes into detail, i mostly just scrub soap onto stains with a toothbrush which mostly works).

(There are also ways you can process silky fabric and wool fabric to allow it to go in the machine instead of dry cleaning or just chucking it in and hoping for the best! Basically: laundry net bags. Silky things in them. Roll up wool sweaters or w/e tightly, then put in the net bag, and pin down the excess. But also, if you don't have silky or wool things, like. Don't worry about it.)

Each load of laundry is washed on warm, on the quick cycle, with extra/high spin. Use like. A tablespoon of eco-friendly clothing detergent. I use a tablespoon of washing soda in the detergent drawer of my front loader and 2 tablespoons of castile soap in the drum of the washer, because Nancy Birtwhistle from Great British Bake-Off told me to, and it's very cheap per load and very effective. But it is better to use eco friendly stuff where you can because it leads to less irritants and pollutants and, this is key, less buildup on your clothes. And use less -- a tablespoon is plenty.

The short cycle on warm is enough to get your clothes clean! Without letting them get too beat up for longer than they need. The extra spin gets them dryer so they take less time to dry.

It is ideal to dry things by hanging them on a line or whatever! That's the platonic ideal of laundry. Clothes last longer and smell nice if you dry them outside. But I've had a Month Or Two and I've been using the dryer. It does wear your clothes out faster and uses up not-strictly-necessary energy but you gotta make it out of the laundry chair cycle somehow so do what you gotta do.

The good thing about the three or four small-to-mid piles of laundry is, as they come out of the dryer, you can fold it and put it away promptly, and it can feel far less overwhelming than looking at Mount Laundry.

Rotate through the piles you made earlier - quick cycle in the wash, dry them somehow, put them away. Only one day a week! The book suggests this takes 3-4 hours. I get tired if I try to do it all at once so I tend to let it take all day, taking breaks as necessary, but it's like, my only chore to do that day. (I still sometimes leave the last load of laundry in the dryer...)

The book offers tips for if you use a laundromat too! I don't, so can't speak to that. I think, though, having the same mindset: one day a week (ish) everything gets done. Some weeks that's aspirational, but there's always another go.

But, crucially: if it's not Laundry Day, simply do not worry about laundry. Put it in a hamper and that's that.

It's not perfect and it won't work for everyone I'm sure, but I learned a lot from the book (despite having a background in costuming and being a hobby sewist - I know about taking care of fabric! And I learned a lot). I really enjoy assigning a day to be For Laundry, and just allowing it to fall off the radar the other days. I always know another Laundry Day is coming.

Anyway! That's me done being bossy on the internet today. Happy laundry!

[dumbass-diary]

Please bear with me, I think I discovered a really cool idea, but I gotta put it in context of my train of thought that brought me there. I'll put a TL;DR at the bottom.

In my life, one of the things that I'm dealing with is work, my attitude towards it, productivity, focus, being able to relax, the balance between relaxation and work, how to relax in a healthy way etc.

Today I've been out on a stroll, plagued more than usual with the constant need for productivity.

How interesting that our culture places productivity as one of its top values. Actually it's not that interesting, but what is is to think about other cultures and their values and how easy it is to just be a completely different person. Hypothetically I could be out chopping heads off of other people who cross this one specific river, because I completely believe it is the right thing that my deity wants me to do. (not an existing example)

Anyway, how nice would it be to just not have to be productive. You get that feeling when going on a vacation - freedom, not having to deal with deadlines, stress from stuff you're supposed to do, and don't have to take care of anything but your next meal.

But even that is not true. You have to keep in mind when you're returning, and that feels like a time constraint - a deadline. And that puts pressure on you to squeeze every last drop of freedom out of the time you were given, which in turn makes you enjoy it less.

I want freedom, I don't want any obligations, or things I need to keep track of, or responsibilities. I want the feeling of having all the time in the world, not just for 5 days but for as far as I can see.

The best way to do this would probably be: just, in a period where you don't have a job or school or other responsibilities, take a backpack, stuff it with some clothes and a sleeping arrangement and just take off into the sunset. No plans when you return.

However you would require a safe place to return to, because remember we don't want to worry about anything or plan for anything. So if you wound up sick or mugged or drenched in rain, you could go back no sweat. (and yes it is hypocrisy, and not realistic to want a housing with water and food without any job or money but hey).

And then it hit me. What if we removed the need to get a job. We remove jobs, we remove school, we remove social obligations.

Let's go further. Let's remove the need to eat, the need to drink water. Let's remove chores, any maintenance that has to be done on the human body or our surroundings. (to a reasonable extent, and we can debate what that means - like no need for dusting anymore, which is cool, but what about no need to put stuff back where it belongs, how would that work?). Let's even remove the need to go to the doctor - no more sickness or suddenly emerging tumors/diseases etc. (unless you cause it yourself, like breaking your arm - and again, we can debate this)

Let's imagine for a moment a human whose every obligation, every duty, every "must" has been removed.

A being who doesn't have to do anything to survive, it could stay still for years and nothing would happen until it perished from old age (yes, old age is technically deterioration but let's ignore that now). And also wasn't beholden to anybody or anything.

What would they do? How would they behave? What would they be like?

And better yet. Imagine a whole race like this. Imagine if the earth was inhabited with them instead of us. What would their values be? How would that society even function? And what would it be based on?

This might be the other side of the coin of Immortality. Immortality is always the desire to live endlessly stemming from the desire to try everything in life. To have the time to experience everything we want in more than enough quantity. To see the whole world. And to not have to hurry to do so, because you have endless time.

If Immortality is something that let's say stretches the x axis - in so that it prolongs the time we have infinitely - I think this approach stretches the y axis - in the sense that it removes every reason why we can't explore the whole world hundred times over in the time that we were given.

No jobs, no need to buy or prepare food etc.

TL;DR How interesting would it be to have a human whose every obligation, every duty, every "must" has been removed. Job, school, food, sustenance, maintenance...

Nad what if we had a society of them.

[bi-bats]

hello!! i was just wondering, since the damitim fic is ongoing, does this mean know yourself updates are slowed/paused? (not a complaint i’m loving both!!)

Hiya!! Sorry that I never give easy answers 😂

So yes, Know Yourself updates are slower (not paused or on hiatus!! I am working on it still), but it's not because of the DamiTim fic.

I've been writing Know Yourself for over a year now (even though I haven't been posting it that long) and I'm just struggling with getting the words on the page to be what I want them to be. The plot is sorted out and I'm content with what I'm going to make happen, but also when I think about the fic my brain starts to feel the way my eyes do when I stare at a screen too long 😂 so I'm trying to be patient with myself and let myself take my time with it instead of pushing something out that I'm really not happy with, because 1) I think it'll show, 2) I'll just burn myself out, and 3) if I treat it like a chore it'll never get finished.

Also I've realized (post-jaytimweek) that I prefer writing in present tense, it makes everything feel more natural to me and I can control some writing things like timing and flow a little better and I WROTE OVER 100K WORDS IN PAST TENSE FOR THAT FIC AND I'M NOT FUCKING SWITCHING NOW!!!! SO I GUESS I GOTTA FINISH IT IN PAST TENSE!!!!

And also we're at the point in the plot of Know Yourself where I'm really stepping on the gas on the number of things happening per chapter, and the chapters are overwhelmingly long. And I would love to simply be more brief, but everything happening is relevant to the plot, so. Sigh.

Now, the DamiTim fic.

That one is just going up because that fic is happening to me. I can't prevent that fic from occurring. I would love to think about something else, actually! That boy is so unwell! But that's what I'm feeling inspired about and lately I've only been able to write when something worms into my brain and I have to put it on the page immediately no matter where I am or what I'm doing (I have a newish manager who doesn't know how to write a schedule, so I'm currently on day 7 of a ten day stretch of work where I only had one day off, which I had to spend doing all my chores and then hosting D&D. So basically, gone are the days off where I could just sit at my computer and write for a day 😭😭😭).

Also, Ive been having problems with Know Yourself since May, but the DamiTim fic is just fucking pouring out of me fugue state style. My brain hasn't latched onto DamiTim and released Know Yourself in favor of it, it's that the claws of Know Yourself began to unsink from my flesh like, 2 months ago and DamiTim saw its chance. Like, this isn't about to be a cute analogy, but I feel like I'm vomiting out the DamiTim fic because it's a virus. It can't be in my brain anymore okay? I need it out. And it feels like a shame to have like, almost 40k words of it written and just sitting in my drafts when I could be updating it (which I'm sure you appreciate if you're loving that one too 😂), and it has the added benefit of yall knowing I haven't abandoned the fandom/preventing yall from thinking that something horrible has happened to me!

Tldr/to reiterate: yes I'm slowing down on Know Yourself, but it's not because of any of the other chaptered fics I'm working on.

Anyways, sorry this got long and ranty, I think I needed to vent all this out anyways so thank you for giving me a chance to do that!! And also thank you for phrasing your ask the way you did, I really appreciate you specifying that you're not complaining 😂 this is a valid question (that did not upset me but could've if the phrasing was different) and I didn't feel pressured so thank you!!! Ily anon 💕💖💚

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts #310

Vanoss Crew Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starters: [ 8 ]

VANOSSGAMING

Yeah, we gotta get out of here.

That would be one badass way to go.

Nevermind, you're not needed.

Hello, ghost person? What's your favorite color?

I wasn't scared at all, by the way, guys.

I'm obviously going to die first.

Jeez, relax, we're like four feet away.

Fuck, where's the lighter?

I spent three hundred dollars and we still don't get everything we need?

What the fuck was that, he broke the ouiji board.

He's haunting our utility bills.

I'm so alone and scared.

It doesn't look too dangerous.

I'm falling through the sky.

Wait, really, is that what you’re eating right now?

No, I’m fucking serious, dude.

My thing’s not working anymore.

There’s like an identical whale flying past my screen right now.

I tried to light it, it didn’t work.

I need admin rights.

TERRORISER

You're gonna flip, bitch.

Hey, get in the vehicle!

Okay, let's get the metal detectors.

Oh, I lived.

Oh my God, this actually worked really well.

Shut up about the elevator.

He's gonna fucking hate this.

We're gonna blow this up, right?

This is like a perfect welcoming gift, what a home.

The first thing you do is throw me under a fucking bus, how fucking dare you, you little fuck.

BASICALLYIDOWRK

He pushed me off! 

I didn't fall, he pushed me off!

I got hit, I'm dead.

I didn't know that was an option.

Alright, backing out.

No hesitation.

You're crushing it right now.

Alright, I'm in, I'm in.

He grabbed me and killed me.

What just killed me?

COURAGEJD

I need you to look internally or something, and figure out where we can improve.

I trusted you this whole time, I knew you had it.

No you're not, right?

I just cheated.

Why is he doing jumping jacks in the middle of the run?

I'm right behind you, baby, I'm right behind you, daddy.

Telling you right now, that'd be so crazy.

See you guys in hell!

We're gonna lose, we're gonna be out.

I'm so far behind, bro.

SMII7Y

I saved myself.

He might be coming back.

We don’t need the drone right now.

How did you not die?

That's more like it.

Oh my bad, I thought you were going to kill me.

Shall we wait?

Bro, that’s nice as hell.

Nice driving you fucking idiot.

This was not worth it.

BLARG

Hello, hunter time.

I've been chasing this guy for five business days.

Get away from me, chair!

They look like a handsome couple.

Yeah, but I don't know how to use it.

Bitch, I shot it, don't worry.

So, what's the game plan right now?

Do you know how good I am at dying?

Watch this, I'm already dead.

Alright, I'm done my chores.

H2ODELIRIOUS

Get your bats out, we ain't playing games this time.

Stop fighting over the baby!

I'm leaving you guys.

We're fighting for that last slice of pizza right there.

We definitely need money, we’re low on cash.

What did he say? I didn’t hear him.

I shouldn’t piss them off.

 I’m not good at maths, even easy maths, especially when I’m being put on the spot.

Ah, he killed me!

What’d you hit me with?

DEADSQUIRREL

I can never hit you!

Well, that's a lie.

It is what it is, sometimes.

Are you okay, are you down?

I never said we were smart.

I don't have good guns for this, I just realized that.

That grenade launcher would be beautiful right now.

I'm where we're supposed to be.

I'm out of ammo.

He's screaming his ass off.

[thegeminisage]

its DUNGEON TIME!!! finally. i didnt do this yesterday bc i was wiped and i didnt wanna teleport away with poor riju...i have no idea if she'll leave or get stuck there or what

this one looks really complicated...but i'm gonna see how far i can get w/o a guide

omg when you go up on your glider riju is like...i'll leave that area to you link! she can't fly 😭

i see mirrors up here but no light source.......MAN the nostalgia im having rn. this is so much like oot

FOUND IT....

omg wait this construct fused a mirror to its shield...mirror shield...WAHHH

oh that took me STUPIDLY long to figure out but i love that i didn't have to look it up (stopping the wheel with the stake)

apparently i can ascend into the final floor but i really don't wanna do that by myself lol

omg lol there was a hive in this room that also had constructs...they fought each other!! i kept waiting for the read to like Jump the construct but it just swung at it. do they truly not do that in this game.........

oops i accidentally warped outside of the temple with ascension...i gotta be more careful lol. quick warp back but the enemies respawned, no blood moon needed

also the puzzle reset itself :/

got the last one! i only wound up looking at a guide for one, but i accidentally read how to do another first, and then the one i was looking for i also discovered how to do while i was doing that one. so all in all a success

eugh i'm scaaared i dont wanna fight a giant BUG!!!

for once im low on food too. im gonna get my ass beat lol

NOOOOO the first half was fine but now shes SUMMONING REDEADS.....................

im not gonna get jumped im not gonna get jumped im NOT gonna get jumped!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS SO SCARY FUCK FUCK FUCK I KEEP SHOOTING THEM FROM ONLY INCHES AWAY THEY ARE SO FAST

IM NOT!!! GONNA GET JUMPED!!!!!!!!!

BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T GET ME IN THE LIGHT

elated. wow. that was so close. im never leaving this little column of light again

rip i have to. but. don't wanna.

GOT all the hives without getting jumped

GOT HER ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you CANNOT fuck me i am UNFUCKABLE im not getting jumped today tomorrow next year FUCK off

sorry to riju but her ancestor is HOT. ok im taking this seriously

wait. i just realized these expository cutscenes use the sacred realm melody from oot for just a few notes. AAAAAAAAAAAAA that makes me INSAAAAAANE

"he was our chief before he became obsessed with power and changed" HAUGH........good guy ganondorf....................im making him real in my mind palace

wait sorry hold on. im pausing this cutscene again. i was spoiled that the fifth sage was a construct. which i thot was lame cuz it shoulda been a sheikah. but im looking at this image of them - four sages with helmets, one each for rito zora goron and gerudo - then a hylian, zelda - and then a ZONAI, mineru......that makes six! just like oot! and rauru as the leader/seventh sage, like zelda in oot...two hylians in oot and two zonai in totk...THERE ARE SEVEN OF THEM. what if MINERU gets put inside the construct!!! because didn't zelda put her soul in that purah pad or whatever!!!!!! oh my god.........if this turns out to be the case i think i've earned that bingo square. it wouldn't be true to the letter but true in spirit. i've earned that!!!

damn...they way both this ancestor and urbosa feel it's Personal w ganondorf bc he is also gerudo...he's literally staining their good name...

WAAHHHH riju going "my responsibilities as a leader, as a sage, AND fighting alongside you............sounds like fun >:)" she is TOO YOUNG...so much responsibility...wah

omg you can just walk around here now? without crossdressing? did they chicken out of a crossdressing plot in this game...............smh nintendo. i know it wasn't perfectly executed in the first game but they could have just tried again

FINALLY here is mattison...idk why i couldn't find her before the shroud lifted!!!

ok, i gotta take a break and do Chores, i'll figure out what i'm doing next later!!!