#thoughts about siffrin et al

[beneathsilverstars]

been doing research on writing plural systems for sif+loop in mundane modern aus, and i think i've got a solid idea of what i want to do! specifics may vary by au but i wanted a base set of headcanons to vary from, so sif+loop being a system can be a background fact of my au musings instead of something i have to reinvent every time.

(i'm a singlet so if any systems have concrit or thoughts they want to share i'd be happy to hear it! i'm not like planning a fic or anything currently, but it's still nice to not be working off of misconceptions for my silly little posts.)

siffrin took over as the main host in their late teens and doesn't remember anything from before that. in their early-mid 20s their work/housing situation was horrible and when they couldn't take another day like that, siffrin split into loop (who kept the mid 20s memories, with a new personality) and siffrin take two (who remembers the 17-20 era a bit better, but then there's a big gap). between the two of them they were able to cope better and hold a not-as-awful job and get a shitty apartment all to themselves!

siffrin fronts more often on average, because they're better at quietly accomplishing day-to-day tasks. but if he gets too overwhelmed or anxious (think their mini loop-backs in canon) then loop takes over, bc loop dgaf about some of the things siffrin worries about, and doesn't shut down as easily. but since they don't bottle up their feelings as severely, they're more likely to react outwardly and make rash choices like quitting their job, being rude, splurging on little treats, etc. so that's why siffrin is the default fronter for things like work and chores, when he's feeling up to it.

loop is fairly aware of what's going on while siffrin is fronting - sometimes they choose to tune more of it out, but they can catch most of it if they want to, and sometimes siffrin will talk to them or nudge them to pay attention. since they know at least the basics of what siffrin was up to, they can usually step in pretty smoothly when they need to take over! and it's very easy for them to take over, with or without siffrin's say-so, though they try to ask if it's not an emergency (and if it is an emergency, siffrin is likely trying to back away from the front anyway).

when loop is fronting, though, siffrin is entirely away, dreaming in the void. loop can nudge them for a vague opinion or relevant memory, but they can't hold a full conversation and they're not aware of what loop's doing. when loop puts them in the front again they're usually disoriented and need a moment for loop to tell them what's been happening. and again, loop is the one deciding to switch; sometimes siffrin might resist getting pulled back if they're still feeling bad, or get antsy and start reaching out if they've been asleep a while or are having bad dreams, but they're not gonna react to environmental situations since they're not aware of them.

mal is in there too but doesn't front. its role is to be socially hyper-vigilant, pointing out when other people might be upset at them so the alter who's fronting knows to fix it or avoid the person. it's been around longer than siffrin, and was helpful way back then, but now that siffrin and loop have worked out an effective balance and are fairly safe, mal's behavior is somewhat maladaptive (ha!). it's not super directly aware of the outside world like loop is, not anymore at least, but it does get secondhand memories from both siffrin and loop. it actually sometimes remembers facts and details that sif and loop both quickly forgot, because maybe those details will end up relevant to spotting and avoiding future problems - but since it got the memories secondhand and filtered them through a particularly paranoid worldview, it's likely to misremember subjective interpretations as literal truth, so you gotta take its claims with a grain of salt.

it mostly hangs out in the void imagining fractals and whatnot these days, keeping an eye on siffrin while they sleep. it occasionally perks up and chimes in with its pessimistic point of view when siffrin is really upset - it can communicate better with sleeping siffrin than loop can. loop is not on speaking terms with it because they're mad that it goes behind loop's back and makes siffrin more upset right when loop is trying to shield him from the upsetting situation. but siffrin doesn't mind it bc it's just trying to help in its own way, and sometimes it is helpful to face their fears in plain words instead of avoiding them. and siffrin will sometimes ask it for help with like, puzzles, because it's good at pattern recognition.

there's also a no-longer-quite-dormant alter that presumably fronted for much of the body's childhood. they don't hang out in siffrin and mal's void, and they don't talk to anyone else within the system. but now that the system is more safe and stable, every once in a while something will catch their attention and they'll gently push to the front and start talking. as soon as their train of thought is interrupted they're gone again, and the other alters don't even remember that they got usurped for a moment, a la siffrin's bits of telling childhood anecdotes in canon. loop and siffrin have surmised that they exist, and call them the lost one.

mal has also implied that there's at least one more dormant alter, but it's from before siffrin-and-loop's time and possibly mal's as well.

if something happens that's so distressing that siffrin retreats into headspace and loop won't take over either, the body goes into dissociated autopilot. it will follow basic one-step instructions (such as "follow me" or "eat this"), speak in a couple simple scripts (such as answering "how are you" with "i'm fine"), and complete rote tasks such as taking a familiar route home from work or going to bed. loop doesn't pay much attention because that would defeat the point / put them back in front, so they usually have very little if any idea of what happened in this state, but it is possible for outside events to catch their attention enough for them to try fronting again. otherwise they'll be back next time the body wakes up. siffrin, on the other hand, usually won't front for at least a day or two after this happens, and will likely have forgotten the events leading up to it as well.

it doesn't happen very often since it's the very last resort, after siffrin dissociating, loop taking over, and loop dissociating. loop and siffrin don't consider the autopilot an alter because it doesn't form memories, have emotions or opinions, or interact in the headspace; it just follows where it's led, by habit or outside influence. loop has argued in favor of trying to imbue it with more personhood so it's less uncanny for other people to interact with and can get loop's attention when the distressing thing is over, but siffrin argues that if it can think that defeats the point, and they'd just end up with this new alter and a new autopilot.

past all that, the specifics will depend on the exact au; particularly the ratio of loop time to siffrin time will depend on how much siffrin works and how awful their job is, whether siffrin and/or loop have friends yet, etc. but i think when they're doing pretty well they'd be happy with siffrin doing work/chores and most of the activities that they both enjoy (since then they'll both remember it), and loop fronting for maybe a third of their free time to do their own thing, and maybe here and there if something goes wrong at work. and then if siffrin starts feeling burnt out, they swap for a couple days of loop doing most things and siffrin just coming out for an hour or two. siffrin and mal probably talk maybe a couple times a month, unless siffrin is really going through it, in which case they might talk a lot for a couple days. it also might be possible for mal to eventually adapt a little more to being safe, and start providing a wider range of possible interpretations instead of just the worst case scenario.

ok that's all! and as i said, i'm totally open to feedback. :3

[beneathsilverstars]

Siffrin+Loop system backstory/timeline for my modern AUs!

Age 4 - ▮ is in a major car crash with their family. Their eye is injured, and their parents and sibling die. They split; ▮ has most of the memories, and is inconsolable when they front. ▯ only vaguely remembers events from before the crash without much emotional attachment, and explains that ▮ died along with their family, and being a ghost hurts. They're adopted by their grandmother.

▮ fronts and has a meltdown whenever they hear their name, hear anything about their family, or are forced to drive in a car. Their grandmother gets their legal name changed (to something she knows was on their parents' potential-baby-names list) and moves to a city with great public transit. After going a while without encountering their triggers, ▮ fades out. ▯ mostly fronts at home and a different alter mostly fronts at school.

Age 11 - Their grandmother dies and they enter foster care. ▯ misses their grandma and has trouble adjusting, so they go dormant. The composition of the system changes to adapt to changing circumstances as they're moved between foster homes. Mal stays the most consistent through this time period; it doesn't front often, but its memory is the least spotty, so it tries to keep the rest of the system somewhat organized and consistent and careful. It's kinda annoyed by everyone else coming in and out and making a mess, but better them than it.

Age 16 - They get a shitty part time summer job, and Siffrin pops up to front for it. He's very disconnected from the rest of the system; he doesn't remember anything he wasn't fronting for, and he can't access the same headspace everyone else is in. He's good at quietly adapting to whatever situation he finds himself in, at least. Mal is the only one who can pop over to Siffrin's headspace and talk to him, and it pulls Siffrin away from the front for someone else to take over when it's time to go home. The job ends and he sleeps for a while, and then they get another job and he fronts for it again.

Age 18 - They leave the foster care system and move into an apartment with some college students. Without school or a foster home to return to, Siffrin stays at the front unless something triggers someone else out, which happens less often as Siffrin gets better at holding onto the front and avoiding triggers. They spend the next couple years moving between shitty apartments and shitty jobs.

Age 22 - Siffrin becomes almost-sorta-friends with two roommates, and they stick together for the next lease term. He lands a job with slightly better pay than normal and a decent shift lead, but a particularly cruel manager. One of the roommates starts dating someone who's kind of an asshole.

age 23 - The other roommate unexpectedly has to move out of town, leaving the remaining two with higher bills. After a couple months with no luck finding someone new to sublease or at least move in at the next lease term, the roommate's partner moves in. The roommate often gets into fights with their partner, who is turning increasingly abusive, and Siffrin can't do anything to help. Some headmates from the childhood subsystem start fronting more often again, which is stressful to Siffrin since they have no idea what happens during that time, on top of their own increased dissociation. Mal isn't being very talkative, either, and what it does say is pretty harsh.

age 24 - The decent shift lead at work quits and gets replaced by someone worse, but Siffrin can't afford to change jobs and make any less money, since the abusive partner isn't contributing to bills. After a particularly bad incident between the roommates and then a disastrous attempt to convince the nice one to leave, Siffrin splits into Loop and a new version of Siffrin.

Loop keeps the memories of ages 22-24 (and nearly nothing before that), and copes with them by thinking of all people outside of their system as empty things acting out their roles, rather than real people with feelings and the ability to change. Siffrin keeps the memories from before meeting the nice roommate (though they're a bit foggy by now), and his personality resets a bit accordingly to what he was like three years ago. Loop is fairly aware most of the time when Siffrin is fronting and can chat with him, but Siffrin still totally misses anything that happens when he's not at the front. Loop continues fronting at work, and at home when either roommate is home, and just pulls Siffrin to the front when it's safe. The childhood subsystem stops fronting entirely now that someone else is here to deal with everything.

Since Siffrin is now free from the work/home stress, they're able to find and work a second job, and then another which allows Loop to quit the first. Siffrin mostly fronts for these new jobs, but Loop steps in when Siffrin gets too anxious. When the lease at the current place is up, the two jobs together are enough for them to get a shitty studio apartment with no roommates to worry about.

Age 28 - Siffrin and Loop have found a decent balance. Loop's not fond of Mal, but Siffrin chats with it sometimes. Both Siffrin and Loop still refuse to go anywhere in a car; Loop knows it's some sort of major trigger but doesn't know why, while Siffrin just happens to always choose a different option no matter how inconvenient. They've switched jobs a couple times, and none of them are great, but it could be worse. They've stayed at the same studio apartment this whole time, which also isn't great, but it could be worse.

Mal can still choose to hang out in either the Sif+Loop headspace or the childhood subsystem's headspace. At some point, when they're feeling safer, headmates from the childhood subsystem (especially ▯) will start fronting a tiny bit now and then when triggered by reminders of important memories. Loop is just as cut off from them as Siffrin is, and the moments are so tiny that it's hard to differentiate them from just zoning out, but eventually they'll figure out that there must be at least one more headmate they don't know about.

Find more info on the "current" state of the system in my original headcanon post!

[beneathsilverstars]

i am getting more and more convinced that DID siffrin is nearly canon.... like you ever go through something so traumatizing that you're like wow ok i actually need to split into two separate people now so a different person can be me and i can be a different person?

and then they've ALSO got a headspace with ANOTHER one!!

[beneathsilverstars]

i don't know how people usually say this concisely so i've started referring to "the system of which siffrin is a member (but not necessarily the host)" as "siffrin et al" and i think it's very effective and funny of me

[beneathsilverstars]

loop voice

modern au siffrin and loop go to therapy and siffrin is trying really hard but really struggling to be open vs loop doesn't care and just does bits the whole time but the bits reveal their entire psychological profile

[beneathsilverstars]

euphrasie runs a rival show (but the rivalry is just for fun mirabelle is in both groups). euphrasie is classic as hell with the curvy dresses and eight inch heels!

loop WAS siffrin's drag persona and then loop was like actually i'm a whole person now ^^ and siffrin had to come up with a whole nother one but be careful not to make it TOO separate from himself this time. sometimes they perform in the same show and people who don't know them are still like nod that's fair sometimes u just have to be two separate artists in the same show. it's probably really nice actually hanging out in the drag scene bc they don't have to singlet-sona it OR explain, everyone is just like oh ur being loop rn word.

i love nonbinary drag. i think loop does a ton of makeup, lips and eyes and chiseled contour. siffrin is a little more subtle with really intricate layered fits vs loop is more skin and sparkle. loop is the one bringing the house down with death drops and flirty crowd work, while siffrin has a more choreographed, musical style.

odile... should sing.... tenor odile 😵‍💫😵‍💫 she is NOT doing the acrobatic shit bc she would die, but she has a very powerful elegant presence instead. simple-but-striking butch fits and then she drops her cloak and you can see like One additional inch of neck and wrist and the crowd goes wild.

isabeau also really likes crowd work i think. he's not as flexible but he can do strength-based stunts like hanging off the rafters, venue willing. he does bold makeup looks but it's less full contour like loop and more graphic eyeliners and gem stickers and such. every one of his numbers has at LEAST one dramatic costume change, maybe more. you know he's so into those transforming dresses!! and i think he gives himself hella cleavage.

mirabelle does stagehand stuff more often, picking up costume pieces, passing the tip jar around, etc, but she does perform sometimes! mostly if she's esp into the theme, she's like oooh wait i know the PERFECT song and character for this show i HAVE to put something together. (that's why she's able to be in two groups, bc she doesn't do as many numbers in each.) she doesn't like looking all too different from her normal self, so she doesn't bind or contour or anything, but i think her default look is like a pretty prince sort of thing and she's like heehee just like my blorbos.

now NILLE goes full contour, fake beard, open-shirt binding, etc. she's the other heartbreaker next to loop, she really enjoys getting to be the irresponsible life of the party after being the extremely responsible older sister most of the time! i think she co-hosts most often - there isn't anyone that loop doesn't have good banter with, but loop and nille are both such classic crowd favorites they play really well together. they can be the pair who do the second-sundays drag brunch!

when bonnie guest stars at brunch for the first time they wear a basic suit dress that shit goes SO HARD when you're eleven :33

the answer was right there in front of me all along.. loop is siffrin's drag persona.... it just makjes sense....,.

if i ever did a mundane earth au a drag au would rule. isabeau helps everyone w their outfits. mirabelle does the flyers. siffrin hosts. bonnie can't even go to all of nille's shows but they are gearing up to guest perform at drag brunch with her one of these second sundays. odile i. th. sorry i can't keep theorizing i imagined odile in drag and now i have to go sit down

[beneathsilverstars]

maybe. all the childhood alters could be in a subsystem...? they're all hanging out in their own headspace. so to sif/loop, [childhood self] is just one mostly absent headmate but in reality there's even more guys in there. maybe mal could hop back and forth...??

hmm.. working on modern au sif/loop system timeline/backstory.... i'm torn bc. i want siffrin to be a fairly new headmate as of adulthood, and then loop splits off later. and i don't want the system to be too big bc i already have enough characters to handle. but there would have to have been other alters from the time before siffrin, obviously! and since their life circumstances had quite a few major changes through their childhood and it was all pretty stressful it would make sense for these changes to require the creation of new alters who can handle the new things. like surely there would be more than just the two i've established. but i don't wanna say all these childhood headmates exist just to consign them to ego death in the next paragraph the moment their roles aren't necessary anymore 😭😭 just bc siffrin doesn't remember shit about the system's childhood doesn't mean the headmates who do would just disappear -_-