#gotta get the energy out somehow
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When I'm left alone this is what happens.
#boundless ennui#queer#abstract#art#traditional art#soothing#meditation#ADHD#anxiety#gotta get the energy out somehow#so i draw#and keep drawing
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And this is what happens when you tell a theatre kid he can do whatever he wants on a dress up holiday.
Linework details below the cut because things got very intense:
#my art#jones#gotta get your carnival energy somehow#this is what finally got me out of my art block#i have half of a costume for ellie in super rough sketch form that i don't really love#and something kinda wacky planned for ockham#unintentional costume because ockham's still riding out the effects of consuming an entire box of honeyed cosmogone#but there are some ideas there
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All evidence suggests yes
#starting a new power scaling system for the warlords of the sea but im rating them based on whether i think theyre an ally or homophobic#kuma is an ally because photos dont lie and hes clearly wearing an ally pin#also you cant spend that much time around somebody with the title “Queen of the Queers” and somehow be homophobic afterwards#unless youre sanji but hes still on his internalized homophobia growth arc. i believe in you buddy you can beat this#crocodile is trans and baroque works is the alphabet mafia in a literal form#with that said. he has the energy of “im not homophobic yall are just annoying”#doffy has the energy of a homophobic homosexual#like hed kiss a guy and then call him a f*g and throw him out a nearby window#jimbei joins the strawhats so ofc HES an ally#blackbeard sucks but i dont think hes homophobic#hes one of those people you meet and theyre just the worst all around and youre like “man this guy has gotta be homophobic”#somebody mentions their partner and you go “oh boy here it is” but he just has no reaction whatsoever#hes such a problem but at least hes not homophobic on top of everything else#Gecko Moria is such a virgin that i dont think he knows being gay exists any more than he knows being straight does#Typa MFer who thinks “sex” is just a synonym for gender#also hed see your top scars and get excited because he thinks youre a zombie#gecko moria probably thinks LGBT is an acronym for some branch of the navy that he doesnt know (or care) about#Because Boa lives on Sapphic island i would jump the gun and immediately say she's an ally but i feel that its more complicated than that#not unlike moria. she also doesnt actually have a real strong grasp on being straight vs being queer#but thats just because shes used to everybody being whipped for her equally#somebody tries to explain it to her and shes just like “??? but theyre all obsessed with me?”#if she ever encounters a gay man it will be a reality shifting event for her#id say itd be the same if she met a sex/romance indifferent aroace but like#monkey d luffy#its already happened#mihawk is probably both an ally and queer himself but he just minds his own business so much that we may never know#one piece#seven warlords#warlords of the sea#bartholomew kuma
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back for another jjk yap sess, this time abt geto LOL...
im honestly a little surprised i never noticed this before but the way that geto (who thought that his best friend was killed and saw a girl he was essentially willing to uproot his life for get murdered right in front of him) tries SOO hard to stay calm while toji's talking and then the MOMENT he brings satoru up again and trivializes riko's death, suguru loses it. i'm thinking suguru let him talk in the first place despite the risk of letting toji reveal his pact (and wanting to kill him Very Bad) cuz he figured it would be better to understand toji's deal since he beat satoru, something that suguru trusted would not happen
but then he starts referring to satoru strictly as "the six eyes", and i think that suguru, one of the few people that saw satoru as a person beyond his cursed technique or his family name could not help but get super pissed abt toji's dehumanization of satoru (and riko too, who he only refers to as the star plasma vessel). i just thought that it was very interesting....... suguru cared so much and it makes me CRAZY AS FUCK.
like, to begin with i think its sooo so interesting that suguru made it a point to be considerate of all the human parts of satoru despite the fact that im sure most other people assume he doesn't need to be worried about. i'll never stop thinking about suguru asking if he needs a break since he's overusing his technique, telling him he worked hard after getting back to the school, trying to rush to his side after he's been stabbed and being conflicted when satoru tells him to leave with riko and kuroi... he didn't just assume satoru could handle all that shit on his own cuz even if he could have he shouldn't have to.
also related omg im almost done i promise but!! the scene where suguru gets to the star religious group and sees satoru again for the first time...
the way that he can't even believe his eyes, probably in part because he's acting way different but also because he thought he FUCKING DIED. and he had to drag himself out of the tomb of the stars and probably went to look for gojo's body before even going to shoko. and then he had to tell her he couldn't even find his body man WHAT THE FUCK!!! i think maybe saw a twitter post about this part in particular but he might have thought toji took riko's body and satoru's, so the thought that he went all the way there thinking he'd have to see two dead bodies of people he cared about... ugh. suguru geto i love you
#if this makes no sense at all that's fine i wrote it like i was possessed#i need jjk mutuals to talk to or something cuz i dont wanna annoy my friends with every silly thought in my head LOOL#ive been having a rlly hard time getting into drawing lately so i gotta get the worms out somehow#i plan on posting a fic actually at the end of the month but it'll probably be late LMAO#also i tried so hard to keep my deranged stsg headcanons out of this......... i dont think it really worked#anyway if anything in here is wrong or a reach uhhh just ignore it i tried my best LOL#i love riko so fucking much by the way its insane. i would draw her if i had the energy but since i dont maybe ill just ramble about her#geto suguru#gojo satoru#riko amanai#toji fushiguro#shoko ieiri#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk rambles#as a treat....#satosugu#sugusato#stsg#doodootalks
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skyglow:
(alternative title: photo dump of a midnight desert run)
#photography#Ford's Art#color says shit#it was either go on a twelve mile run or re-download grindr and get absolutely blasted so I went with the more responsible option.#b because damn I'm feeling it tonight. or at least I was before the run. I need to shower and then I'll cook dinner and go to bed satiated.#I did also jerk off under the bridge and then piss on someone's flowers on the way home. gotta get those animal instincts out somehow right?#anyway I've successfully vented most of my manic energy and a cold shower will finish it off and then we're good.#the mood meds have been helping a lot. last time I got hit with this kind of a mood I came out of it with huge bite marks and chlamydia.#and I haven't been feeling it nearly as bad this time so that's nice. more like a restless dog and less like a caged wolf thirsty for blood.#yes I'm making references to Call of the Wild again deal with it.#anyway sorry to anyone who sees this from the tags and not because you follow me. you didn't sign up for this lmao.#also. this is why I can't be a binary trans woman. this night photography shit is the most gay-man thing ever and I enjoy it.#I was doing it before my last boyfriend but he got me even more into it.#anyway bye I'm gonna go shower and then eat food. I've been hungrier more recently.#between the meds and the hrt my appetite is bigger and I'm gaining weight with the hrt fat redistribution which is cool and good.#I want to be a healthy weight and maybe even a lil chonky? we'll see we'll see.
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saturday quest no hoovering i'm sick of being too hot and i'm heading swiftly towards i don't want to wolf territory for everything 😅 - sit outside in the garden for a bit am. maybe my family will be outside too (: - work on digital collage pm (:
the vibe is 'generally try to encourage gentle curiosity in doing things and have a day where i'm not forcing myself' 👍 yippee!
#its saturday quest#not even having a good time on tumblr atm. things are just! well they are just. i need to switch my outlook to feel less trapped.#i can do that. i just gotta figure out how.#i don't want every day to feel like i'm catching up and spending all my energy on stuff i don't want to do with no energy to do stuff that#i do want to. i don't wanna be stuck at home all the time i wanna go out and do things. i wanna get better. or if i can't do that then#at least make some changes somehow.#when the disabilities are disabling every single day....... augh.#i want to see the day in terms of all the things i can and get to do rather than all the things i can't you know?#i just gotta figure out how!
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Pst tell me your favorite pump up song?
#cleaning#getting ready#working out#any type of pump up feel good song you can think of#doesn’t have to even be your favorite just a favorite of yours or one you can think of#a song that makes you smile#I’m trying to get in the mood to clean and rearrange my room#while I have the house to myself#need to get properly pumped#and ya know….. with how today is going it’s not been the best pump up day#need to somehow forget that for like an hour or two? not sure how#but it’s super rare I have energy and I have the house to myself so I gotta roll with it somehow#shut up rosie
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Neffers (my fourteen year old bear of a cat) runs to me whenever Spook (who is about four years old and built like an awkward panther) picks on him...which is often.
He does this for two reasons;
I am the mama cat and he feels safe with me
I will hit Spook with a pillow for being a jerk
But I have just caught Neffers pretending to be picked on so that I would hit Spook with a pillow.
So, senior kitty or not, he's still Mr. Nefarious, petty villain extraordinaire.
And I am so proud.
#enjoy your cat stories#these two are being weird tonight#neffers used to be a living nightmare and he's gotten too old and tired to torture us but he still needs to get that energy out somehow#gotta be his evil muppet self
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well. instead of working on art or more cleaning i decided to spend a couple hours redoing my art+main account's carrd and ermm i think its niceys :3 if anyone wants to take a look just for funsies,,, its not related to s.elfshipping at all (i should probably take a look at my carrd for this account too tbh and see if it needs any fixing up fdsjkl) but i thought it'd be fun to share here anyway :3
#i encountered hidden spiderwebs that could not be cleaned by me (<- too afraid) so i had to stop cleaning#i'll work on some more tomorrow and see if i can get my dad to help me with cleaning those webs dfskl theyre just. very thick.#i gotta get out of this basement somehow i fear that i cannot live w all these bugs much longer 😭😭😭#but !! i had fun working on the carrd. and it gave me some inspiration for my n.eocities so yayyy#idk what the strawpage website is that everyones posting about fsfdsjkl i might look at it later if i have time and energy#but also ... carrd and n.eocities and tunglr dot hell is already lots for me to manage and make look niceys so i think i'll stick to these#dandy.cmd#spider mention
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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saiph: would you guys still love me if i was a worm? al: they say that if you love something you must let it go... and i could never provide a happy fulfilling life for a worm... i would have to set you free to create a new beginning among your kind. to live unbound. you deserve happiness even as a worm, and i will not tie you down because of my own sentimentality. but i would never forget. mira: id feed you to a bird ^_^
#finn's ocs#i had this as an idea for a comic but i dont have the time or energy so youre getting a textpost instead#a bit lamer ik esp for an oc post where ppl dont generally know the characters but i gotta get it out of my head SOMEHOW!#anyway typical answers from a guy whose been in love with you for the better part of a decade vs your little sister. respectively#also bc so much of al's character is abt this complex he has abt being free and unbound. and mira likes birds. see its very in character#< made the characters
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So, what are the chances we find out who murdered Broomie tonight?
#critical role#4 sided dive#gotta let Max get his weird energy out somehow now that he doesn’t have the game ranch puppets
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i need to write more about jack being all bouncy and frantic on joy because the thought of it is so cute to me
#of him bouncing on his heels while ur talking to him#“stimming?” yes.#not only do i think he has adhd i think joy makes you very . hyper#and youve gotta get that energy out somehow#the only options are fucking and stimming LMAOOOO#shut up ozzie#uncle jack x reader
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i emerged from a job app process (it took me six tries on two devices before their application system would let me sign in to finish the app)to SO MANY GOOD NEW OFMD THINGS HOLY SHIT
I have Many Emotions abt it but due to IRL Life Things Emotions im struggling to get any of it out in a legible manner aside from
izzy finally got a hug and such a good hug from fang (looks like he gives v good hugs) and he's doing that Thing so many of us are so familiar with (I'll let them hug me but i wont cry, fuck im crying but i won't let my breath catch in my throat, FUCK-) and im !!!!!!!! izzy!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
#text post#ofmd spoilers#ofmd s2 spoilers#tagging to be as safe as possible lol#i need to take a job apps break anyway so. maybe fic writing#i say Maybe as a big maybe bc what i really wanna do is go wild & chat abt the new stuff but i dont have any our flag discords or like so#gotta get out the our flag energy somehow just alone lol
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I think I will survive this grueling service industry job, chronic pain, connective tissue issues and shot joints be damned.
just gotta tell myself: it's the first step of getting myself out of this hellish living situation. just gotta keep at it for a couple years, save up enough money, and it'll be the first step to get out of this hellish living situation!!!!!
#like yes i am IN PAIN and also my connective tissue issues are back in full swing making things worse#BUT THIS IS WHAT I GOTTA DO IF I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE#gotta romanticise the struggle like my favourite steddie fanfics of them getting out of hawkins and living a better life#away from painful memories and the judgement of people around them!!!!!!#like. gotta channel my steve harrington energy. that working at scoops ahoy/family video energy#just wish i had my own emotional support coworker like he does :')))))#but if no one will show up in my life like that i'll just. make it on my own somehow#IT'S BREAKING MY BODY BUT ITS THE FIRST STEP OF GETTING OUT OF THIS HELLISH LIVING SITUATION!!!!!!!!!
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fuck it im gonna make a blog where i try to draw liam every day even if its just a shitty doodle
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