#got motivated from watching the charity stream | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gffa · 3 years ago

Note

Do you think one could follow the Jedi Code/Lifestyle in real life as a positive manner of living or do you think it only works in Star Wars? I asked this on r/Mawinstallation and the answers I got were either:

''The Jedi code is oppressive so no'' ( this was the most upvoted answer )

''The Jedi code works but only for the Jedi''

''The Jedi code requires the force to work and since the force doesn't exist in the real world, the code cannot work''

And finally, I got only a single reply that said

''Yes, the Jedi code does work in real life, that's the entire point of Star Wars''.

What is your take on this?

This is going to be sort of a long, roundabout answer, but the short version is: In the finer details, we're not space psychics, but as a general idea? Yes. First of all, what even IS the Jedi Code? Are we talking about the whole “there is no emotion, there is peace”/”emotion, yet peace” meditation mantra, which we should point out is nowhere in the movies or TV shows, but is entirely in the novels and comics supplementary material? Are we talking about a more generalized idea of Jedi philosophy? And what, precisely, does that mean? I mean, what’s oppressive about it and what scene evidences that that’s what the Jedi taught? Second, there are two talks that George Lucas gave that I think really illustrate this view of emotional navigation and how that impacts Star Wars and the Force: There’s the writers meeting of The Clone Wars where he talks about the light side and the dark side and there’s an Academy of Achievement Speech from 2013 where he talks about joy vs pleasure: “Happiness is pleasure and happiness is joy. It can be either one, you add them up and it can be the uber category of happiness. “Pleasure is short lived. It lasts an hour, it lasts a minute, it lasts a month. It peaks and then it goes down–it peaks very high, but the next time you want to get that same peak you have to do it twice as much. It’s like drugs, you have to keep doing it because it insulates itself. No matter what it is, whether you’re shopping or you’re engaged in any other kind of pleasure. It all has the same quality about it. “On the other hand is joy and joy is the thing that doesn’t go as high as pleasure, in terms of your emotional reaction. But it stays with you. Joy is something you can recall, pleasure you can’t. So the secret is that, even though it’s not as intense as pleasure, the joy will last you a lot longer. “People who get the pleasure they keep saying, ‘Well, if I can just get richer and get more cars–!’ You’ll never relive the moment you got your first car, that’s it, that’s the highest peak. Yes, you could get three Ferraris and a new gulf stream jet and maybe you’ll get close. But you have to keep going and eventually you’ll run out. You just can’t do it, it doesn’t work. “If you’re trying to sustain that level of peak pleasure, you’re doomed. It’s a very American idea, but it just can’t happen. You just let it go. Peak. Break. Pleasure is fun it’s great, but you can’t keep it going forever. “Just accept the fact that it’s here and it’s gone, and maybe again it’ll come back and you’ll get to do it again. Joy lasts forever. Pleasure is purely self-centered. It’s all about your pleasure, it’s about you. It’s a selfish self-centered emotion, that’s created by self-centered motive of greed. “Joy is compassion, joy is giving yourself to somebody else or something else. And it’s the kind of thing that is in it’s subtlty and lowness more powerful than pleasure. If you get hung up on pleasure you’re doomed. If you pursue joy you will find everlasting happiness.” –George Lucas And how I like to compare that to The Hijacking of the American Mind by Robert Lustig, MD, MSL, which is a book about how corporations have hijacked our pleasure centers to make us focused on reward over pleasure. It talks about the exact same concepts, with only slight word adjustments, but otherwise might as well be verbatim: “At this point it’s essential to define and clarify what I mean by these two words—pleasure and happiness—which can mean different things to different people. “Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines “pleasure” as “enjoyment or satisfaction derived from what is to one’s liking”; or “gratification”; or “reward.” While “pleasure” has a multitude of synonyms, it is this phenomenon of reward that we will explore, as scientists have elaborated a specific “reward pathway” in the brain, and we now understand the neuroscience of its regulation. Conversely, “happiness” is defined as “the quality or state of being happy”; or “joy”; or “contentment.” While there are many synonyms for “happiness,” it is the phenomenon that Aristotle originally referred to as eudemonia, or the internal experience of contentment, that we will parse in this book. Contentment is the lowest baseline level of happiness, the state in which it’s not necessary to seek more. In the movie Lovers and Other Strangers (1970), middle-aged married couple Beatrice Arthur and Richard Castellano were asked the question “Are you happy?”—to which they responded, “Happy? Who’s happy? We’re content.” Scientists now understand that there is a specific “contentment pathway” that is completely separate from the pleasure or reward pathway in the brain and under completely different regulation. Pleasure (reward) is the emotional state where your brain says, This feels good—I want more, while happiness (contentment) is the emotional state where your brain says, This feels good—I don’t want or need any more. “Reward and contentment are both positive emotions, highly valued by humans, and both reasons for initiative and personal betterment. It’s hard to be happy if you derive no pleasure for your efforts—but this is exactly what is seen in the various forms of addiction. Conversely, if you are perennially discontent, as is so often seen in patients with clinical depression, you may lose the impetus to better your social position in life, and it’s virtually impossible to derive reward for your efforts. Reward and contentment rely on the presence of the other. Nonetheless, they are decidedly different phenomena. Yet both have been slowly and mysteriously vanishing from our global ethos as the prevalence of addiction and depression continues to climb. “Drumroll … without further ado, behold the seven differences between reward and contentment: Reward is short-lived (about an hour, like a good meal). Get it, experience it, and get over it. Why do you think you can’t remember what you ate for dinner yesterday? Conversely, contentment lasts much longer (weeks to months to years). It’s what happens when you have a working marriage or watch your teenager graduate from high school. And if you experience contentment from a sense of achievement or purpose, the chances are that you will feel it for a long time to come, perhaps even the rest of your life.Reward is visceral in terms of excitement (e.g., a casino, a football game, or a strip club). It activates the body’s fight-or-flight system, which causes blood pressure and heart rate to go up. Conversely, contentment is ethereal and calming (e.g., listening to soothing music or watching the waves of the ocean). It makes your heart rate slow and your blood pressure decline. - “ Reward can be achieved with different substances (e.g., heroin, nicotine, cocaine, caffeine, alcohol, and of course sugar). Each stimulates the reward center of the brain. Some are legal, some are not. Conversely, contentment is not achievable with substance use. Rather, contentment is usually achieved with deeds (like graduating from college or having a child who can navigate his or her own path in life). - “Reward occurs with the process of taking (like from a casino). Gambling is definitely a high: when you win, it is fundamentally rewarding, both viscerally and economically. But go back to the same table the next day. Maybe you’ll feel a jolt of excitement to try again. But there’s no glow, no lasting feeling from the night before. Or go buy a nice dress at Macy’s. Then try it on again a month later. Does it generate the same enthusiasm? Conversely, contentment is often generated through giving (like giving money to a charity, or giving your time to your child, or devoting time and energy to a worthwhile project). - Reward is yours and yours alone. Your sense of reward does not immediately impact anyone else. Conversely, your contentment, or lack of it, often impacts other people directly and can impact society at large. Those who are extremely unhappy (the Columbine shooters) can take their unhappiness out on others. It should be said at this point that pleasure and happiness are by no means mutually exclusive. A dinner at the Bay Area Michelin three-star restaurant the French Laundry can likely generate simultaneous pleasure for you from the stellar food and wine but can also generate contentment from the shared experience with spouse, family, or friends, and then possibly a bit of unhappiness when the bill arrives. - Reward when unchecked can lead us into misery, like addiction. Too much substance use (food, drugs, nicotine, alcohol) or compulsive behaviors (gambling, shopping, surfing the internet, sex) will overload the reward pathway and lead not just to dejection, destitution, and disease but not uncommonly death as well. Conversely, walking in the woods or playing with your grandchildren or pets (as long as you don’t have to clean up after them) could bring contentment and keep you from being miserable in the first place. - Last and most important, reward is driven by dopamine, and contentment by serotonin. Each is a neurotransmitter—a biochemical manufactured in the brain that drives feelings and emotions—but the two couldn’t be more different. Although dopamine and serotonin drive separate brain processes, it is where they overlap and how they influence each other that generates the action in this story. Two separate chemicals, two separate brain pathways, two separate regulatory schemes, and two separate physiological and psychological outcomes. How and where these two chemicals work, and how they work either in concert or in opposition to each other, is the holy grail in the ultimate quest for both pleasure and happiness.” – Robert Lustig, MD, MSL And then lets add in what Dave Filoni has said about the Force and the core themes of Star Wars: "In the end, it’s about fundamentally becoming selfless moreso than selfish. It seems so simple, but it’s so hard to do. And when you’re tempted by the dark side, you don’t overcome it once in life and then you’re good. It’s a constant. And that’s what, really, Star Wars is about and what I think George wanted people to know. That to be a good person and to really feel better about your life and experience life fully you have to let go of everything you fear to lose. Because then you can’t be controlled. “But when you fear, fear is the path to the dark side, it’s also the shadow of greed, because greed makes you covet things, greed makes you surround yourself with all these things that make you feel comfortable in the moment, but they don’t really make you happy. And then, when you’re afraid of something, it makes you angry, when you get angry, you start to hate something, sometimes you don’t even know why. When you hate, do you often know why you hate? No, you direct it at things and then you hate it. And it’s hard because anger can be a strength at times, but you can’t use it in such a selfish way, it can be a destroyer then. “These are the core things of Star Wars.“ –Dave Filoni So, the core things of Star Wars and the Jedi teachings (because Jedi teachings are basically almost word for word how GL described how the Force works) can very much be a reflection of real world teachings and ways to live by, because all of the above are about how GL viewed the world and what he wanted to put into his movies. Further, Jedi teachings are basically just reworded Buddhism + Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. And both of those are very livable by our real world standards, if you so choose. GL was very much about how SW had themes that were meant to be picked up on by the audience and even DF has said this: “ Jedi have the ability to turn the tide, to make a significant moment, to give hope where there’s none. That’s their ultimate role to play, to be this example of selflessness. And that’s what makes them a hero, when no one else can match that heroic thing. And then our job is to emulate that, to use that example, and further our own lives.” --Dave Filoni Ultimately, the Jedi are specifically focused on disciplining themselves (which GL has said is the only way to overcome the dark side, in that TCW writers’ meeting), probably to a degree most of us wouldn’t have the room to devote to, but that doesn’t mean that the broader strokes aren’t meant to be applicable to our lives or don’t echo real world teachings.

#jedi order #meta #long post

124 notes · View notes

simeonstans · 5 years ago

Text

OBEY ME BROTHERS AS CELEBRITIES

Sorry I haven't been active. Between schoolwork and just a lack of motivation and creativity, I really dont know what else I should've written. I'm sorry for abandoning this blog for a while haha.

LUCIFER

He's an actor. But later turned into directing and producing movies.

Has an entire room dedicated to his awards, one wall lined up with all his Oscars, Grammys, and Emmys.

Involved in plenty of rumors and scandals, usually where the media thinks he's dating an actor or found a non celebrity partner. But really, he asked them out to talk business.

Whenever he's acting, his character can go from the charming boy to the rich spoiled brat to even the badass detective. He's not a big fan of starring in hero or action movies with lots of effects. Nor directing those types of movies.

Directed a horror movie once and that quickly got taken out of movies for how scary they were. Psychological horror to the extreme.

His stans are usually rich and probably like Quentin Tarantino or Clint Eastwood. Lucifer has beefed with Woody Allen and his stans do as well. Truly iconic.

Philanthropist.

MAMMON

He's a model in canon but I feel he could also be a photographer.

He knows his aesthetics and has plenty of portfolios.

He's probably gonna act a lot smarter now that he's famous and knows plenty of people would want to scam him.

He does give out to charity sometimes but usually he models for campaigns or sells his pictures at auctions and donates away the money or a percentage of it.

Involved in some scandals but they're quickly debunked by his stans or his management. Nothing too bad, just a dating rumor that spirled out of control.

He does have a good relationship with his fans and likes to do podcasts or go on lives and interact and answer questions, even invites them on his lives to talk with them.

He's filthy rich and he dresses filthy rich. His style is very earthy and casual, but he does have that expensive Hermes™ watch and some Prada™ boots.

LEVIATHAN

He's a YouTuber. He also streams every Friday and Saturday from 10pm-6am.

He liked to cosplay but now that he gets invited to gaming cons and events, he probably doesn't have much time to make a good cosplay up to his standards so he'd probably wearing Tanjiro's earrings one day and then his Naruto jacket the next.

Whenever he goes to concerts, it's a thing that fans secretly take pictures of him if they're near him and there's plenty of content of him drooling over Zaramela.

There's YouTube compliations of him going shy whenever someone is nice to him or someone attractive goes near him.

Because he games a lot, he probably would sweat a lot if he becomes concentrated. So whenever he'd brush his hair back or put it in a ponytail, his stans go feral.

Don't mess with his stans, they're the type to call and email anyone so you have your life ruined. But I promise they're usually soft stans.

He dresses like the gamer boy of your dreams tbh.

SATAN

He's a painter.

The next Picasso. Van Gogh. Monet. He has talent.

Many would say he could be an author cause he reads but I headcanon he could have synesthesia. So whenever he'd read a book and go over a specific scene, it'd inspire him to draw or paint something.

If he's stressed, he plays classical music and paints whatever the music says.

He was probably a college student when this happened and he had a lot of paintings he didn't know what to do with, so he just sold them or gave him away to charities under a fake name.

Like some Hannah Montana shit, he lived a double life for a couple months and then he got outed by some journalist that was supposed to keep up with him.

He gets invited to plenty of events and has painted for celebrities and politicians. Despite that, he's probably the least popular of his brother's but his stans are very dedicated to him and surprisingly there's rarely any fights within.

He has money but the most expensive his he owns is a watch and his car. More dad or nerdy boyfriend type look.

ASMODEUS

Triple Threat. Model, actor, singer.

He frequently goes on tour and drops albums. His music ranges so one album can help you explore your sexuality when his next album mostly focuses on who he truly is and so on.

Like Lucifer, he has plenty of awards. Probably has starred in one of his productions, too.

Has collaborated with NikkieTutorials, Rihanna and her Fenty collection, Beyonce, the biggest stars you could think of. Whether music or beauty.

Has his own fashion line as well as his own perfume collection and beauty products. A good percentage does go to charities and organizations like homeless college students or pro-lgbt groups.

Has YouTube compliations of men having gay panics over him.

Has been involved in many scandals and relationships, but many wind up false. Surprisingly. He is honest, so he does confirm if there was any chemistry between him and someone else.

His stans are more open and accepting, they don't really attack you or ruin your life but they can damage your self esteem for good.

They've also trended "#AsmoIsOverParty" just to promote a new project from him.

BEELZEBUB

He's an athlete.

There's plenty of videos of him with his shirt off and he may seem scary to many people, he's our big puppy.

"Beelzebub being cute for 4 minutes and 48 seconds" compliations rival "Levi being shy as a serotonin boost" compliations

Has the most fans. He's mentioned wanting a family and being family oriented before which probably caused his fan base to expand.

If you don't understand the sport, older stans would explain it for you. He also made a YouTube channel where he posts videos explaining how the game works and the positions. There's 5 videos, each video almost an hour long. He hasn't updated his channel since then.

Has also starred in Lucifers movies and usually does his own stunts.

He only wears expensive shoes as long as they last long or are comfortable for him. He also sometimes buys expensive athletic wear but majority of the time he doesn't check how expensive it is as long as he's comfortable.

Every week, he posts a video of himself working out or making a healthy and inexpensive meal to promote a healthier lifestyle.

BELPHAGOR

Music producer.

Despite being known to nap a lot or to be in his room a lot, it's usually because he spends a lot of time making beats and working on lyrics.

He's collaborated with plenty of artists but usually collaborates with Asmo.

Belphie also has his own music company which Asmo is under. Of course there's other producers in so he works alongside them and other artists and he usually makes his own music or adds back vocals to some songs.

If you find the back vocals within it, he's usually growling or moaning. His voice is deep but it's very soothing.

His stans usually send him letters or ask Asmo how he's doing or if he's eaten yet. He is very respected and his stans are FERAL. No mercy, absolutely ruthless.

Once had his mixtape "leaked" by Asmo and it was on the charts for a good while and broke a record or two. He doesn't like talking about it much but he does appreciate it.

He doesn't dress up much but whenever he does, it's like he's a different persona.

#dhcjsj sorry this is gross #its 4am 😔#maybe i should do the other 5 characters dhfhdj #obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me levi

215 notes · View notes

optimistic-ramblings · 4 years ago

Text

I got tagged by @total-distraction-babes to do this gratitude tag! 💞

Rules: List 5 positive things that are happening right now (even if it’s as small as you eating a donut today, anything works) and then tag 5 blogs that make you really happy for them to do the same :))🖤💙💚🖤💙💚

Here we go...

1. I've just been feeling good lately - euphoric for no reason. No idea why but I'll take it! Been dancing around my room everyday, watching McFly streams, living my best life and all that. It's a good time 🥳

2. I've been writing a bunch! Long chaptered projects, short ficlets, and this new Tom/Gary rarepair with @total-distraction-babes. I feel a new burst of motivation with her and a certain @sinistralunicorn too, knowing there's still people out to write for and discuss this stuff with 🌟

3. My friends/old flatmates were in town last weekend and I had the most amazing time with them, going out to restaurants or chilling outside and just chatting away. I've not seen many people lately so it was lovely to spend time with them 🌱

4. I'm suddenly in love with Gary Barlow (Sorry, I had to include it, now that it's the running joke of the blog 😭) He is adorable and I want to give him a cuddle and tell him he's amazing 🥰

5. The weather is beautiful right now, it's so sunny and warm with a soft breeze to cool you down. It's perfect weather for sitting in the park amongst the grass and it's wonderful ☀️

Tiny bonus: I got a new shirt from the charity shop the other day and I'm obssessed with it 💃

Uhm. I still have no idea how to use this site so, I tag everyone who sees this and wants to do it for a little positivity boost? And feel free to message me so that I have more friends here, I'm nice, I promise! 😝🌟

#tag response #okay I've done the Gary Barlow joke 3x so... I can stop now right?#rule of thirds or something

3 notes · View notes

clawdeeverproud · 5 years ago

Photo

Ever since I started watching the Ashley Nichols Art Hazbin Hotel animation streams. It has really helped me see things in a different perspective. So I wanted to go into details for each of these.  1) Focused: This doesn’t mean tunnel vision. This just means you have to have an image in your head. Keep that goal in mind as you work, but don’t be afraid to stray from the path a bit. No journey is a straight line after all.  2) Relaxed: Don’t just swan dive into a project if your heart isn’t in it. Draw something that really inspires you. Or maybe step away. Maybe do some cleaning or eat some veggies. Or play some video games or read a book. Don’t feel like if you walk away you aren’t going to go back to it. Trust in yourself that you’ll find your motivation again soon.  3) Calm: If your project is making you flustered, then step back. You aren’t you when you’re angry. So don’t let that person be in charge of your art. I’m trying to finish up this RoseGarden charity comic but I got super flustered and couldn’t focus. So I decided to step back and draw this instead. Now my confidence is back and I feel great!

#hunicast #ashley nichols art #hazbin hotel #art #comic #funny #huni buns #bunny #Alastor #radio demon

362 notes · View notes

onisiondrama · 4 years ago

Photo

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“I Figured Something Out” Sept 24, 2020 Speaks

- Says he likes to make videos pointing out his flaws because when he realizes he was doing something wrong, he likes to point it out and move on. You shouldn’t bottle things up. - Says when he started making these video he was angry and over time he winded down. - Begs his follower to look into the Regina / Adam thing. Says Regina pretended to be a transgender person named Adam. He says he was told this by a friend of someone he loves, by someone he loves, by a Hansen insider, and two other people who looked into it. They fabricated a person and a story. He says it’s gross. He says he doesn’t know exactly what was said because he doesn’t watch those videos. - Says he recently watched a beautiful, capable, smart women talk about cancel culture and drama. She’s a republican who doesn’t believe in the far right or left. Says most people go with the flow, but she’s an individual. He says he didn’t care there were things she said that he disagreed with because of the way she spoke. He says when he talks to people online, he has to remember you’re not that different. We all have feelings and people are less reasonable in your opinion if you don’t approach them reasonably. He says he is too harsh and mean in his videos, unlike the women. He understands you’re not supposed to sugarcoat the truth, but other people have feelings. - (People are after him because he hurt their feelings.) - Brings up Regina again. He says he doesn’t know what their problem is because he never talked to them. Says there’s sincere mental illness sprinkled around the internet and it’s proven if you put Regina and Adam side by side. He says he hasn’t watch the videos side by side, but he’s seen photos. He says he doesn’t know how this got past the filters and how people can be so negligent to the truth. He says that’s what happens when you let anyone on a show. People come on to troll or to project their issues. - He says people who watched him may have felt talked down to. He says he spoke like that because he felt like his audience turned on him before he had a chance to explain why it was all ridiculous. He felt it was unintelligent for people to assume it was the truth, but he was in a situation where he was threatened with divorce if he talked. He was stuck between being the bigger person and staying silent while he was building up frustration seeing what people were saying about him. - Says if the Regina and Adam thing is true, it’s the funniest disaster that ever occurred on social media. People were saying there’s all these victims and one of them turns out to be someone dressing up as a new person. It’s bad enough people can fake texts, but when you fake a whole person that’s another level of crazy. He says he almost feels blessed to be subjected to that level of comedy. He says it’s clinically insane for someone to do that with a straight face. He says he never even heard of Adam. - When his marriage was on the rocks because of cuddlegate, he told Billie he wanted to be alone. Billie tried to work it out with him. Says that’s evil step-mom, homewrecker stuff. [I’m pretty sure he’s talking about when he made the fake divorce video and she contacted him.] Says he had the opportunity to run away and abandon his family. He chose to stay because he doesn’t want to be that dad that choses his lustful side over his heart. He broke down crying at one point because he almost let down his family and he almost lost them. He didn’t talk to Billie for a few months after cuddlegate until Kai was like “uwu”. He says he told Kai it was a bad idea and it ended horribly. Says he’s done better than his dad and numerous other dads. - Says he doesn’t speak to people in his life as respectfully as he should. - Anyone in his shoes would be just as bitter and angry as he was. Some people wouldn’t even be alive. He lashed out because he didn’t get a fair chance. People won’t do a charity stream with him. - Once he told his full side in videos, people didn’t want to interview him anymore because he didn’t seem crazy anymore. - Says he was part of the mob against Chris Brown. He said he’s had people scream in his face and he didn’t do anything illegal to them. He called the cops on them. - (Patreon ban, he didn’t dox on purpose) - He says he wants to get rid of boob squeeze because it’s cringey to him. [thank god!]

“My Social Life- Before And After COVID” Sept 25, 2020, Speaks

- (Chris Hansen covid cure) - Says before COVID he stopped going out in public because people were taking picture of his children and posting them to the internet. An employee at Lowes and at Dairy Queen took photos of his children. He’s protective of them. A man [Hansen] showed up to his house when his kids were home. - He was thankful when COVID hit because people would stay away from him. He’s happy he has to wear a mask. He was wearing a different disguise in public before the masks. - (Kai threatened divorce if he spoke) - Says people’s emotions and mental illness cloud their memories. He conquered that when he was 17. A girl dumped him and he told her she was a monster. This was before people would seek clout so it was just between them. He says he supports her breaking up with him because they weren’t meant to be. - Seeing how crazy Seattle and society has gotten, he doesn’t want to be apart of it. - He was socially lynched without going to court. (Mike went to court) - COVID gave him on excuse to avoid everyone and family members. He says COVID is horrible and people have died, but for him it came at an interesting time. He compares it to when a kid bullied him really hard in elementary school and died in a sledding accident. Says some dude or chick in a truck hit the kid. He says another time a guy was bullying him hard and that guy died in a motorcycle accident. He gave his helmet to his girlfriend. He died a hero. He gave up his life for someone. He was handsome and had his life ahead of him. - Says according to his mother, his father got a women killed by not giving her a helmet. He kept it for himself. His father also allegedly slept with his cousin. His dad tried to sue him and failed. Three of his family member accused his father of being a predator. - A reporter interviewed his father and his father acted like a hero. - His mom is the one who left his dad. He says she didn’t have to fight for custody so there’s no motivation for her to lie. - (beat up his dad story) - Criminal experts will agree with him to follow the money in cases because money is the root of all evil. Like a news station that will make more money by making a monster instead of telling a true story. It is not profitable to tell both sides. - People like black and white stores, not stories where both people make mistakes. - He love isolation. He was covered in his father’s blood when he went to juvie. His white shirt was brown with dry blood. He was happy to be there because he was away from people and life was simpler. Everybody in there was flawed, which is better than being with his hypocrite god-loving father. Typical Seventh Day Adventist garbage. Greg says he was one as well. When he was 13 he prayed and told god he wanted nothing to do with him. Many amazing things happened to him after that. - Says you have a lot of drifters who came and destroyed someone consistent in you life, then they left. He was that consistent person. He was making hundreds of videos and entertaining thousands of people per video. Now he’s down to 900 to 3,000 views per video. They came, they destroyed, they left. They destroyed someone you connected with, had a real bond with. A lot of you cheered them on as they did this and then they left. Now you’re left with the same person, but he’s more broken. He believed in good people before, but now that he was dragged down into dirt, he has dirt in his eyes. He can’t see the sun or trees. He can just see dark and sadness. He still feels your spit on his face from when you millions of people beat him senseless socially. - He says he saw a legitimate news source says there was an FBI investigation about him. Says the FBI never contacted him. - Leafy recently suggested he should become an actor. He compares it to Kevin Spacey. Says it would be sad to lose a netflix show or a movie deal because of people saying things about you. He says imagine people who were going to be on that show with you stop talking to you because they don’t want to be dragged down with you. He’s glad he wasn’t that big when he fell because it would have hurt more. Now he gets to be a no one who knows who he really is when most people live in an alternate reality. - When he lost BillyTheFridge as a friend, he didn’t lose anything because Billy was a fake friend. Billy wanted to be a white knight. Joe and Anastasia were great friends and wanted to still talk to him. Billy later on realized James wasn’t as evil as he thought and invited him to lunch with them. Says he (James) backed out and decided to stop talking to all of them. He says it’s sad he lost Joe and Anastasia as friends, but he didn’t want to drag them into the drama and make their lives more miserable. Having friends was a burden and he didn’t want them to hurt. - (Regina / Adam) Dobs is barking. - He feels like this whole thing is a grand opportunity to look at things the way they are. He doesn’t trust anyone anymore and he doesn’t believe in friendships anymore. - He swears on his life he’s more honest than Sarah, Billie, and Shiloh.

11 notes · View notes

popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

Text

Jingle Belle: A Very Special Jingle Belle Special or A goofy holiday comic and a long tired rant about the animation industry

Ho ho ho and merry Christmas as we reach the final stretch of Christmas reviews and it’s all Christmas all the time for the rest of the week for obvious reasons. So we’re starting off by wrapping up Jingle Belle for the season with one more comission. While it’s from my usual client, It’s via patreon as for 5 bucks a month you can get a review a month of your choice. But since that hasn’t taken hold just yet, and won’t till next month, he asked to swap it for this month and here we are. Not much to cover though this is the very comic where Jing hopped publishers from Oni Press to Dark Horse. The whys I genuinely do not know and at the time, I just know it’s weird to talk about Dark Horse these days. Their not dead nor entirely irrelvant, Resident Alien, which I really want to check out as it has a really engaging premise, is getting a tv show that I also want to check out as while i’m not sure if it’ll be good, it’s still Alan Tudyk playing an alien who can barely pass for human and it hilariously shows. Whenever that streams i’m not missing a second of that and we all know it. And Umbrella Academy, started during bigger days for the company, is one of netflix’s hottest shows and one of many shows on my to do list I haven’t gotten to because I procastinate like no one else and as taking an entire month to get to the newest loud house shows to the point another one popped up, it bites me in the ass a lot. Point is their not GONE in relevance.. but at the same time they’ve lost the huge tide of liscences they road in on. Except for the Joss Whedon stuff, Marvel’s pretty much taken EVERYTHING from them via various deals: Star Wars, Conan and now Alien. Their still standing and makes good art books and clearly given Resident Alien good content, they’ve lasted this long their not going anywhere, it’s just really weird to think about. I will however give them huge credit for giving out tons of comics in early quarantine, and being easily the most generous company next to marvel. I.e. one of the few that actually gave out full collections.

But yeah at the time this was probably a safe move as Dark Horse had a love of one shots and likely a larger budget. Hence why from here on out the stories are in living color, and have a slightly diffrent art style to boot. Granted the character would shift artists but now it’s got a clear more cartoony art style I like a lot better courtsey of Jose Garabaldi. So yeah with christmas on our heels, let’s ring a ding jing, it’s A Very Special Jingle Belle Special.

We won’t be covering the backup for this one though it is quite good, it’s just not what kev asked or paid for.

We open on a parade!

While batman foils the joker’s poisioning scheme, Santa rides on a float proudly and Jing is hanging out on the back grumpy. It’s a great introduction for new readers showing Santa being big and jolly and what you expect while Jing grumps in the back with a “Sheesh, Daddy”. That’s how you establish a character well in only a few panels. IT’s really great is what i’m saying. Some teens pop up but don’t belivie her about being Santa’s daughter and when going to a christmas shop to try and find figures of her, the owner claims he dosen’t.. and well violence insues. You’ve met jing right? Anyways Jing is understandably a wee bit absolutely livid the world dosen’t know about her. Her parents sure but her? Nope. And it’s easy to see why: She’s the daughter of the world’s most famous man.. but despite all the holiday lore and junk she’s just the part he likes to hide from people.. or that’s how it feels. While he ducks it, she even gives him a nice save fatty it’s clear that even if she brought it up to rile him a bit.. she does feel on some level like he likes to tuck her away and hide her because he’s ashamed and because she’s not perfect. Granted she does act out and stuff, but she’s still his kid and i’ts still gotta sting. Though she has the perfect idea to fix this: A christmas special. Santa suggests just doing good deeds but Jing is right: her idea is better. Mostly because, as cyncial as this is.. more people are going to pay attention to a good holiday special than a celebrity’s kid doing charity and for far longer. A good christmas special just sticks in the brain and sticks with you forever. It’s why Santa Claus is Coming to Town and A Charlie Brown Christmas have lasted decades or why my list of best chirstmas specials is pretty weighty. They just stick with you so while this can’t possibly end well.. her plan is actually a really good one this time.

So Jing takes her friends off the line to help her animate it, stop motion styles and they remind her of her LAST christmas special.

I mean I’m a sucker for any refrence to Star Wars Holiday Special. You’d think after several decades of jokes at it’s expense, with tons of youtubers, many of whom are dead to me but that’s besides the point, tackling the thing without it getting stale, that we’d eventually grow tired of mocking it but .. no. It’s a bottomless well of what they were thinking. The only question left is why isn’t it on Disney Plus.. I mean.. you made a second one as an affectionate parody and in lego. Kids are going to know about this now. Just put the thing up. Even edited down or just some clips. You put Rise of Skywalker up there, you’ve proven your threshold for shame when it comes to this franchise is vast. Just person up and do it. But Jing’s learned her lesson.. stop motion only and to follow the bouncing formula to sucess. So in the special which sadly isn’t all stop motion and is just drawn to resemble the specials, probably for the best but still, Jing and her animal pals are sneaking into a town where christmas was banned! Meeting the chirstmas legion of doom.. well okay that’s what i’m calling them. Burgermeister Budweiser! Bungle the Abominable Snow Monster! Frost Master and Heat BLister! The Frost Fakir.. wait the what?

........

I mean where do I even begin? I know this was during the war on terror, I know that.. but still I expect better from Paul Dini for a crosses the line twice joke than “hey let’s just make bin laden into an ice wizard!”. I mean South Park made fun of him too, but they went all out with a looney tunes homage. Put effort in. And even years after he died the lonely island did this beautiful thing in the film pop star: never stop stoppin, which you should watch seriously watch it it’s underated.

youtube

Point is you can do better and if you don’t have room to do better then just.. don’t. You could’ve put in a t-rex in a top hat and monocle. That would’ve genuinely been better... because it’s better than everything ever btu that’s besides the point. There’s also one last addition to the rogue’s gallery thank god.

He hates her too. Now that gag is actually reallyf ucking funny. What’s also funny is how she solves things. By singing a nice and frinedly song about friendship to reform the villians.. or rather lure them over a bridge to get eaten by her orca friend.

So Jing after showing it to her dad heads to market it with him trying to warn her netoworks haven’t aired this kind of thing in years. But she faces the greatest threat to all of television: network executives, who keep offering advices and basically change the thing all together for stupid reasons and think cartoons should only be for kids despite it wokring in the past. Aka the hells animators STILL go through. I think Paul was projecting just a wee bit with this one. Given again IT HASN’T CHANGED since then, I can’t blame him. Seriously Harvey Beaks was canceled, among MANY ohter nick shows including rise of the tmnt just because it wasn’t an instant hit, Cartoon Network and warner keep trying to make dumbed down remakes of great shows, and Disney, among other networks, is fairly homophobic and while finally allowing some gay on the network this year had to be fought and outright refused it on ducktales for no adquate reason, caring more about monney and the bible belt than doing the right thing. So yeah as you can tell this bit got to me a bit and was hard to read because it. hasn’t. changed. 16 years and not a lot has changed other than more women are getting a chance. And granted the “kids are our only audiencce argument” isn’t as strong and several shows are powered by other demographics it’s still an issue and still the reason several good shows have gotten the boot and why the jeph loeb era of marvel animation was terrible. Because guys like him thought it should JUST be for kids and the lowest common demoninator of htem. You can be clever and be for kids dammit.

I apologize slightly for that it’s just something that’s been on my mind as shows dwindle and with ducktales gone the standard forbearaers for children’s animation are all pretty fresh faced. It’s just a lot to take in and i’ts been on my mind a lot.

Back to the actual story the result is a pretty purtrid cutesy special.. Jing reacts how you’d expect, destroying the tapes covertly with a herd of musk ox and destroying the tape. But they find the 70′s special and we end on that which is pretty funny. The only thing I really don’t like here is the ending. The rest of this special is really good: it’s clever , has some good satire and some really funny jokes especially that hook one. The ending just feels a bit weak.. like yes Jing wanted to be noticed but it’s not really an unsympathetic motive and while she does some shady stuff the villians still basically win by airing her terrible holiday special all over again. It’s just not satisfying. But yeah overall another pretty decent holiday comic with some good jokes. I”ll probably see Jing again next year, and it was fun getting to dip into these comics. THeir not my faviorites, but their still pretty decent and if the complete collection ends up on sale on comixology or you see it in a bookstore and you think it’d be up your ally i’d buy it. Again not my faviorite thing ever, but still enjoyable enough. Coming up this week of holiday cheer: ducks, more ducks, superheroes, and a best of list.

Until next time: Courage.

#animation #comics #reviews #jingle belle #paul dini #christmas #santa claus #dark horse comics

5 notes · View notes

chsamuseum · 4 years ago

Text

Quarantine Communities: My Foray into Twitch

My view of Twitch’s Homepage. (Courtesy of Kimberly Szeto)

Some may see the COVID-19 quarantine era as one of the toughest times for them; I have too. I have definitely gone crazy from the quarantine anxiety at home over the past year. But instead of seeing this in a negative light, I have taken this year as a time for me to grow, since I have gotten the chance to finally sit back and think about what I want to do in the future, especially after graduating from college last June.

In this digital age, people have been finding new ways to express themselves and to bring people together, and so have I. After years of watching other people create content on various platforms -- everything from YouTube, Facebook, Snapchat, etc.-- I finally made a Twitch, a streaming platform used by gamers and non-gamers alike. At first, it was to watch one of my favorite YouTubers, who had become a Twitch streamer to continue creating content in quarantine. Little did I know that I would stumble upon a wonderful community of study and co-work streamers after hitting it off with someone in my favorite streamer’s Twitch chat.

I am normally a pretty extroverted, social person, so for me, these streamers and viewers were a source of the comfort and social interaction I was craving. I have found a home with this supportive community, and they really have helped me to cope during the craziness of quarantining and not being able to go out and go about my normal life. This community even motivated me to stream as a hobby to spread the same love, encouragement, and support I received to my viewers.

Twitch has allowed me to connect with a network of an English-speaking Asian community around the globe. To me, this spans beyond the Chinese-American diaspora and brought me into a new world of connecting with people I never imagined I would meet. On Twitch, I was even able to find an ever-growing community of Cantonese speakers from around the world, from places like the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, and Hong Kong, which was a wonderful surprise and blessing. None of this would have been possible if not for the advances of technology and the extra time on my hands from quarantine.

Finding this community hit a particular chord in me because I have been trying to find ways to reach back to my own roots as a Chinese-American and an Asian-American. I grew up in a small town in New Jersey that did not have a large Asian community. Like many others in my shoes, I struggled with reconciling my Chinese and American identities when I was growing up. There was no safe space for me to explore my Chinese culture, and at times, I even pushed it away. I found myself having an identity crisis -- I genuinely enjoyed celebrating Chinese holidays, eating the food my grandmother cooked, and learning more about the famous Chinese dynasties. Yet, I was also embarrassed by my family at times when we were out in public, for fear of judgement from other people because we did not look or sound like them.

In high school, my family moved across the country to the San Francisco Bay Area in California, where I noticed there were more people who looked like me and talked like me. Encouraged by familiarity, I embraced my heritage and culture. I put more time into learning Chinese, both Cantonese and Mandarin, and consumed much more popular culture content from Asia, such as music, dramas, TV shows, radio, etc. I particularly desired to know more about my family history, which led me to pursue a B.A. in History with a concentration in East Asia and the Islamic World. In college, not only was I able to learn about Chinese history, I was able to learn more about Hong Kong and its people and culture; this is the very place my parents grew up and constantly reminisce about. And now, looking back to my childhood, I regret the times I struggled to interact and communicate with my grandparents with my limited Cantonese. I regret the times I told my parents I wanted to listen to Disney music instead of their 80s Hong Kong bops because now, those Cantopop songs are the exact tunes that get me through the day and put me to sleep at night.

But now if you were to ask who I was, I would say that I am Hong Kongese-American. My Cantonese has improved a lot. My go-to foods are dim sum, a Hong Kong style milk tea, and a Portuguese egg tart. I have finally accepted and come to terms with my heritage and culture, and Twitch has only helped me explore that heritage with other people who know and love it.

Catch some of my cute Twitch emotes such as me: 1) fangirling with an “add oil” -- an expression of encouragement and support -- banner, 2) sipping on some Hong Kong style milk tea and 3) happily eating a Portuguese egg tart. (Courtesy of Kimberly Szeto).

Accidentally stumbling in this Twitch rabbit hole has helped me connect with other people who have similar identities, backgrounds, and interests. I am not an avid gamer, but I was still able to find a community on Twitch where I stream myself co-working, playing games, and just chatting. At the end of the day, instead of feeling disconnected like you would expect from quarantining, now more than ever, I feel more connected with people, as well as my own culture and heritage.

Now, in light of recent events of the rise in attacks and hate crimes against the Asian community worldwide, it has been especially encouraging to see a community of Asian voices and supporters stand up to the racism and discrimination that has always been embedded in American society. These voices have grown stronger and stronger both in the wider community and on Twitch as well. The Asian American community on Twitch has spoken out about the violence and found ways to support the community, such as running charity streams where the donations will go to Asian American support funds.

In such a dark time, Twitch has become another place where we can stand up, break out of the model minority myth, and take the next step in engaging in uncomfortable discussions about racism. And for many of us, myself included, it has become our chance to rise up and stand with the community.

You may follow me and my Twitch adventures where I keep you company as I play some of my favorites jams, chat, co-work, and play some games...and maybe catch me singing.

My Twitch Recommendations:

JustHagan: Hong Kongese-Canadian variety streamer (mainly Kpop content and some games) -- the very YouTuber turned Twitch streamer who got me down the Twitch rabbit hole.

StudywithTiny: Chinese-Canadian variety streamer (mainly studies Korean and sings in English/Korean/French) -- the lovely madam I met in justhagan’s stream.

ahJingTries: Chinese-British study streamer (mainly studies Korean) -- whom I have gotten to know through StudyWithTiny.

camibasket: Chinese-American variety streamer (mainly plays Tetris).

jakuwwu: Chinese-American variety streamer (mainly games and chatting).

ckypiano_: Hong Konger who sings and plays nice light jams (music streamer).

vyctoryyy: Korean-American singing streamer.

seihyuni: Korean-American variety streamer (mainly coworking and singing streams).

HiJohnsies: Korean-American variety streamer (mainly singing streams).

cheap_vegetable: Filipino-American variety streamer (mainly singing streams).

horangsoon: Okinawan-Brazilian variety streamer (chill vibes study and chatting streams).

cynzyy: Chinese-Canadian variety streamer (mainly study streams)

Written by CHSA’s Education and Programs Intern Kimberly Szeto. Kimberly is a recent graduate of UC Santa Cruz with a bachelor’s in history and technology and information management with interests in journalism and international relations.

#CHSA #chsacomcon #community connections #twitch #online community #streaming #culture #heritage #quarantine

1 note · View note

whiteowl-18 · 5 years ago

Text

Donate to #BLM by watching YouTube videos

There are a lot of YouTubers donating the money they get from ads to #BLM related funds. All you have to do is watch them. To make sure your view counts, follow these steps (this is advice given by KPop fans):

1- Turn off your Adblocker.

2- Watch the video from beginning to end.

3- Don’t watch it on repeat. If you do, YouTube will consider it spam. After you watch it, watch at least 5 videos before you watch it again. Type the video title on the search bar (do not click on it from your watch list).

4- Don’t fast forward or pause it.

5- Don’t skip the ads.

6- As tempting as it may be, do not watch it in a playlist.

7- Watch with at least 480p and HALF the volume. If you want to have the video in the background while you do other stuff, don’t mute the video itself. Plug in headphones, mute your device or mute the tab.

8- Do not open another YouTube tab on the same browser. YouTube will know and count it as spam.

9- Not all videos have video ads, some have a bar appear at the bottom. Wait 20 seconds to see if it appears.

10- If ads stop appearing, that means you might have watched too many videos in a row. Just take a break and come back later.

11- YouTube has been deleting some of these videos, so don’t be surprised if they disappear.

Here’s a list of videos you can watch to donate without actually having to spend any money (some are #BLM related, some aren’t). I’ll probably add more in the future.

80p makeup… but what’s the catch? TESTING SHOP MISS A! First impressions and WEAR TEST!

In-N-Out Mukbang

I Got Drunk And Gave Relationship Advice! The ULTIMATE guide to BOYS & GIRLS!!

MY #1 PRODUCT FROM 10 DRUGSTORE BRANDS

BIG LOUIS VUITTON HAUL | SS 2020 ESCALE + MORE | hollyannaeree

Huge Prettylittlething & Missguided TRY ON Haul NEW IN… MAJOR Retail Therapy!!

MAY FAVORITES & BOOKS I’VE READ THIS MONTH | I Covet Thee

Quarantine Graduation Cap Cake for Class of 2020 | How to Cake It with Yolanda Gampp

AMSR Putting Fenty Makeup on Rihanna (Paper Makeover)

TikTokers SPEAKING OUT About RACISM & BLACK LIVES MATTER (Ft. Charli D’amelio, Dixie D’amelio)

#BLACKLIVESMATTER (all proceeds donated to BLM)

BLM Takes Over My Channel - 1 View = 1 Donation - Play on Repeat ft Keedron Bryant

Fried Spam + Ramen Mukbang

Thai Food Mukbang

How to financially help BLM with NO MONEY | DONATE FOR FREE + Supporting Black-Owned Businesses!

ASMR for Black Lives Matter! (Donation video)

Watching this will help DONATE to Black Lives Matter + my Honest Thoughts/how to make a REAL Change

*that* creepy guy i never told you about! || Gap Year Storytime #2: Rome

GRWM: Where Do We Go From Here?

DECLUTTER, DIY, & DECORATE #WITHME Little Girl's Boho Room Transformation UNDER $100!!!

EXTREME CLEANING MOTIVATION | CLEAN WITH ME 2020 | ALL DAY CLEANING

"but i'm not racist?"

monday in my life: work, BIPOC creators to watch, BLM charities to donate to, & Terra Origin

ASMR For The George Floyd Memorial Fund 🌟Glow Sticks

FULL WASH DAY ROUTINE USING BLACK OWNED HAIR PRODUCTS | EDEN BODYWORKS & CURLS DYNASTY | KENSTHETIC

WEEKLY VLOG | self tanning routine, virtual graduation, life update, enjoying the little things

DREAMY GLASS GLOWY SKIN & A YELLOW GLOSSY EYELID TUTORIAL | AMY COOMBES

GRWM: New Makeup I LOVE & HUGE Life Updates!!

TikTok Love Island Needs to be Stopped..

Daily Vlog : Baking, diy's & deep chats

12 Amazon Products You NEED In Your Life Right Now!

weekly vlog: DIY eyelash extensions, baking healthy brownies, trying viral tik toks..

PICNIC WITH US | mini vlog | Sophia and Cinzia

why black people are angry and tired.

Dietitian Reviews Victoria's Secret Model ROMEE STRIJD What I Eat In A Day

ABS IN 14 DAYS!? I did the Chloe ting SHRED and heres the RESULTS

Getting Scammed... again - GRWM + Mauve Makeup Pageant Girl - Bailey Sarian

BOYFRIEND BUYS MY OUTFITS! | Sophie Foster

BTS (방탄소년단) SKINCARE & MAKEUP PRODUCTS | ShilaBui

black lives matter

GOING ON OMEGLE AT 3AM (scary)

BLACK LIVES MATTER| WE NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION

MENTAL HEALTH ASSUMPTIONS

my holiday got cancelled so I made my own...

FabFitFun Summer 2020 Add Ons & Mystery Bundles

let's spread awareness together. #BlackLivesMatter 🖤🤎🤍

☀️SUMMER CLEAN AND DECORATE WITH ME 🧼✨🍋| @Brianna K

regarding everything that's happening

BLEACHING MY HAIR AT HOME

having a salon day at home

THERE IS NO TIME LEFT, IT IS TIME TO CHANGE.

About Your Skin Color.... (Watch To Donate)

An important message, Rollerskates & Rockets

Let's Talk About It: Racism & Social Injustice

I FINALLY PRANKED JOE !

it's time to rise up #BLACKLIVESMATTER

Let's talk about RACE and how to be an ALLY

If you don't have money stream this video to donate for FREE| Endpolicebrutality, BLM and others.

Watch to Donate: A Moment of Calm on the Water in Edinburgh: Study and Work Ambience: Donate Free

Why my BLM Donation Video was Removed & How to help BLACK LIVES MATTER (for free)

The Truth About Simple Skin Care

‼️DONATE to BLACK LIVES MATTER with NO MONEY - stream this video to donate #BLM ‼️

DONATE to BLACK LIVES MATTER with NO MONEY/ leaving your house (invest in the future for FREE)

WATCH TO DONATE YEMEN (the money does not go specifically to BLM, but Yemen definitely deserves our attention)

DONATE BY WATCHING THIS VIDEO #SAVEYEMEN

black lives matter (watch to donate for FREE) | Greta Onieogou

WATCH TO DONATE TO BLACK LIVES MATTER | FITNESS MARATHON | how to financially help blm with no money

WOW ANOTHER VLOG!!! | *shock* | Sophia and Cinzia

I'm leaving YouTube.

Solidarity Not Silence.

Reviewing My Impossible List: make an actionable bucket list with me! 🦋

all lives matter is a load of RUBBISH

BLACK LIVES MATTER | donating proceeds to Peoples City Council Freedom Fund LA & Campaign Zero

#black lives matter #donate without money #youtube videos

3 notes · View notes

johnny-and-dora · 6 years ago

Text

hold me in this wild, wild world

for @meepmorpperaltiago, who asked for “engagement” and “forbidden love au with a happy ending” as part of the @b99fandomevents summer 2019 fic exchange! i hope you like it!

"It takes every ounce of willpower he has left not to kiss her like it’s their last night on earth. Despite the odds, he refuses to kiss her like he’s saying goodbye."

or, a forbidden love/royalty/fairytale au in which jake comes up with an alternative solution to amy being forced into an arranged marriage with the most boring man in the seven kingdoms. read on ao3

He’s late, as usual.

Jake’s foray into the forest for their secret meetings can usually be best described as a leisurely amble – tonight, it’s forgone for a sort of jog as he hurries along the narrow dirt path he knows like the back of his hand, ignoring his embarrassing shortness of breath and the sharp stitch in his side.

It’s strange, the light feeling in his chest – he can’t tell exactly what’s causing it. It’s probably eagerness to finally be alone with Amy after weeks of having to watch her politely but reluctantly spend most of her precious free time in the company of the most boring man in the seven kingdoms. It could be something more akin to dread at the ominous urgency of her message, evident even in Rosa’s deadpan delivery, telling him to get to their clearing as soon as he could.

Above all, he thinks it’s desire – this endless, empty yearning he’s been carrying around with him like an anchor, a powerful heavy longing to hear her melodic laughter or hold her close or even just to have anything more than an apologetic grimace and a tiny soft smile in his direction when she can be sure no-one is looking to get him through the day.

He thought it would be less painful seeing her with Teddy secure in the knowledge that she wasn’t interested – she’d spent most of their last meeting, a stolen moment behind the stables, reassuring Jake that he had absolutely nothing to worry about. It had helped, for a while, but he couldn’t help the ugly jealousy twisting his insides up in knots whenever the prince so much as respectfully shook her hand.

He quickly waves off any more invasive thoughts of Teddy and quickens his pace - whatever this light feeling is, it’s a powerful motivator, and it’s not long before he can hear the trusted babble of the brook which tells him he’s not far from their clearing.

She’s waiting for him, of course – her back is turned and it’s the perfect opportunity to sneak up on her, except he’s too busy being mesmerised by the gentle curl of her shiny dark hair, the way it elegantly cascades down her back. Amy only wears it down here, for him; a flicker of warmth starts to glow in his chest and for the first time all week he feels himself finally relax.

She’s illuminated by the hues of the golden hour, liquid dusk pouring through the trees. A soft halo of light encompasses her almost completely – it’s as if, just for a moment, the forest can appreciate how heavenly she always appears to him. If he feels a thousand times lighter here, he can’t imagine what it must be like for her – how sacred this time they can steal away together is, away from rules and responsibilities and everyone.

He’s escaping throwing away mouldy bread and blowing off work to play card games with Charles – she’s escaping a remarkable life of activism, royal politics, charity work and fancy banquets that he has to cater for. Jake still can’t quite believe after all this time that he’s somehow lucky enough to know her, let alone be with her.

Neither of them care particularly for the crown; here, with him, Amy can be truly herself. She’s pretty awesome as a princess, but as a person she is truly, absolutely radiant in every way he can think of. He clears his throat, soft with unadulterated affection – there are no facades here, no formalities, and he craves her gentle smile more than he ever has before.

The broken, pained look on her tear stained face as she turns towards him practically turns him to ice.

He’s by her side at an instant – she buries her sobs into his chest as he instinctively wraps his arms around her, panic flooding his entire body. He hurries to ask her what’s wrong - she shakes her head so violent he quickly switches to whispering soothing words of comfort, trying to guide her breathing. It only pulls her deeper into hysteria, so instead he strokes her hair and lets her cry herself out.

When she finally looks up at him, he notices two small stray braids in her hair and moves to gently brush them out, affection overpowering everything else. Her eyes are these dark, intense pools that he’d get completely lost in if she’d look at him for more than a second at a time - She moves out of his embrace only to produce some fancy embroidered silk handkerchief from a pocket and dry her tears, averting his gaze as if embarrassed of her outburst.

(He wants nothing more than to tell her that she’s the most beautiful woman in the world even when she has snot dripping from her nose, but he senses now might not be the right time.)

“S-sorry.” She hiccups, taking slow deep breaths; for the first time he notices that she’s trembling and instantly shrugs off his cloak, draping it around her without another word. It’s comically oversized; in another lifetime he would have laughed, but now it’s an effort to even speak with the fear clawing up his insides.

“Ames, what’s wrong? What happened?” She bites her lip, looking down at her clasped hands – her nails, usually pristinely manicured as per professional convention, have been bitten half to death. Something is very, very wrong.

“It’s…It’s Teddy.” She finally manages to croak, and he fears the worst, clenching his fists – something dark and angry must flicker across his face because her eyes widen and she’s quick to elaborate. “Nothing, nothing like that, he’s barely touched me the whole time he’s been here, I thought he got the message but he-“

She takes another shuddering, ragged breath, attempting to compose herself. The light feeling has vanished completely, only to be replaced with heavy, sinking dread as he fears the worst.

“He’s going to propose to me tomorrow morning.” She says, so quietly and so small he can barely hear. “And…and my parents say I have to accept. For the future of the kingdom.”

His stomach drops, and Jake just sinks.

It’s not like they weren’t expecting this – deep down, he’s been dreading since he first kissed her, fearing that this kind of happiness can’t last, knowing that they can’t sneak around for forever. As he’s fallen deeper and deeper in love with Amy, it has become harder and harder to just compartmentalise, to forget, to keep moving forward without fear of what’s in their future. To wonder, heart heavy, if they could ever have one.

He just expected it to happen so soon – in his heart, he’s always naively believed that they still had time, that they never would have to acknowledge the possibility that they might be it for one another and all the terrifying consequences that might bring.

The Santiago royal family has a reputation to uphold, and Jake’s pretty sure that he doesn’t quite fit the image that they’re going for. He’s always been sure that Amy’s fairy-tale happily ever after isn’t designed to have him in it; but knowing that and having to accept that are two very different things. Expecting this doesn’t make it any less like having his heart physically ripped out of his chest.

Nothing could have prepared him for falling in love with the smartest, most determined and most caring woman he’s ever known. Nothing could have prepared him for this kind of pain, ice cold and burning, apocalyptic heartbreak crashing down all at once.

Worst of all, nothing could have ever prepared him for the overwhelming anguish of seeing the same pain reflected back on Amy’s face.

“I won’t do it. They can throw me out or lock me up, I don’t care, I won’t-“

“-Ames, we always knew this could happen-“

“So? That doesn’t make this stupid patriarchal bullshit tradition any less fucked up!” Her anger startles both him and a few nearby nesting birds – he notes a flash of regret in her eyes before her face hardens into a picture of determination.

“I love you. Not Teddy, not anyone else they can set me up with no matter how many troops they’ve commanded or banquets they’ve organised. You. I’m not going to...I could never…” Her lip trembles and he wraps her up in his arms again, desperately trying to remain calm for her sake when all he wants to do is disappear into the forest with her and never come back again.

He’s quiet, for a long time; all that surrounds them is the steady, boundless flow of the nearby stream, crickets chirping at their feet, and the muffled sound of occasional shuddering sobs, slowly petering out as the sun begins to set, revealing muted hues of pink and orange.

Rarely has he ever been rendered speechless – as they find themselves sat together on the mossy ground, resting against the oldest tree in the clearing, hands almost defiantly intertwined, he can’t even begin to vocalise all the things he wants to say. He just wants her.

“Run away with me?”

“Amy…” He tries to be gentle but he just sounds tired, somehow a thousand years older – he feels like the slightest push might crumble him into dust. She places both of her hands in his and he squeezes them on instinct, never wanting to let go.

“I’m serious. Please, I’m not going to just leave you, I can’t…” She trails off again, a fresh wave of tears threatening to consume her. It strikes fear into his heart more than anything else - he’s never seen her like this. He’s comforted her before – he’s found himself paralysed by her searching gaze many times before, but he’s never once found this kind of hollow desperation there.

She’s always calm, always composed in the face of a crisis, the poster child for what a leader should be. Her determination, her fierceness, her outright stubbornness comes as naturally to her as breathing – more than that, they’re some of the endless reasons why (despite his best efforts) he couldn’t help but fall in love with her. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and Amy never runs away from anything.

It occurs to him that, maybe for the first time, she doesn’t know what to do – she’s as lost and hopeless as he is, and that only breaks his heart further.

“I gathered up as much old jewellery and coins as I could find in my room.” Amy takes a weighty velvet pouch from her pocket, shaking it to prompt a jingle as if he needs some kind of proof. “It’s not much, but it’ll be enough to get us over the border. If we left tonight we could be halfway there before anyone even notices I’m gone.” She’s misread his silence for uncertainty, for lack of faith in her - he sighs, long and hard, forces his eyes shut as if to visualise the right words in his mind.

The truth is, he’s thought about them running away together more often than he’d like to openly admit. The prospect of a normal, simple life far away from everything keeping them apart has proved too tempting not to indulge in at least once in a while, more than ever lately since Teddy arrived and they’ve had to be more careful than ever.

He’s got nothing to lose, really – sure, he’d miss his mom, and Charles, probably Rosa, but they could send letters, maybe even visit after a few months. He could bake and Amy could write and they could have a peaceful, idyllic happily ever after they can design for themselves. The truth is, he’d be willing to give up everything he has now for Amy in a heartbeat.

He just can’t let her do the same for him.

“Amy Santiago, I would run away with you anytime, anyplace – but not today.”

“Why not?” Her brows are furrowed so severely fear strikes his heart again for an entirely different reason, but he presses on, allowing a second of regret that they’re not halfway to the border right now before it swallows him up completely.

“Ames, I love you but I can’t let you throw away your entire life just for me – I’m not worth it, I can’t ask you to leave everything behind-“

“- But I don’t care about the royalty-“

“I know, I know. I was talking about your family – your brothers, your parents, Rosa…” She softens a little at that and he takes the opportunity to take her hand and squeeze it. “It’s more than that - you’re a natural leader, Amy. You love what you do and you’re incredible at doing it. You’re too kind and good and brilliant to not do what you do, to not help everyone you can.”

He half expects her to yell at him, throw the bag in his face, storm off into the night – instead, she smiles. It’s small, desperately sad, but it’s something. She reaches up to cup his face and presses a long, languid kiss to his lips – it takes every ounce of willpower he has left not to kiss her like it’s their last night on earth. Despite the odds, he refuses to kiss her like he’s saying goodbye.

“I don’t deserve you.” She says, so softly he can barely hear. He shakes his head – it’s something he’s said to her many, many times before. She’s never once accepted it, and he’s not about to start.

“You deserve the world, Ames. And we both know you’d be terrible at a normal life. No big important galas to organise or constitutions to update? You’d be bored to death by the end of the week.” She exhales a shaky laugh and he nudges her playfully, trying to regain some sense of balance despite his entire universe being shifted off its axis.

For a brief moment, no more tears will fall, no more anger or sense of cosmic injustice seems to coarse through his veins; instead there’s only peace as she nestles into his shoulder and he presses a kiss to the top of her head. It could be minutes, hours, maybe centuries before either of them move again; he’s not sure. All he knows is that whatever time they have left together is far too short.

“So, what do we do now?”

“Watch the sunset and make out and then I’ll go get super drunk and set all the horses from Teddy’s carriage free as an epic revenge prank?” He’s only half joking. “What do you think we should do?”

“I don’t know. If I had more time, I could try and find a loophole, or organise a protest, get a petition together to abolish this stupid tradition once and for all, but…“ She presses her lips together, suddenly lost in thought. He can’t help but feel an almost cruel, blinding twist of affection at the thought of finding someone who’s willing to stage a nationwide protest just to be with him.

For the first time all evening, the tiniest spark of hope begins to flicker and glow.

He’s been thinking about their future a lot, lately; while most of his nightmares feed and grow on his fear on them being forced apart, there’s one other daydream that he’s been having more than ever. He’s had his grandmother’s ring tucked safely away for a long time now. And he’s never really believed in magic, but he thinks if there was any time and place for a tiny miracle then it would probably be here, in this clearing, with her.

He takes a deep breath.

“I…might have an idea.”

“What is it?” She sits up straight and gazes at him attentively as if she’s ready to take notes; he loves her with every fibre of his being.

“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, okay? Because this…you deserve to have a choice, Ames, and I don’t want you to think I’m doing this just because I don’t want you to be with him, it’s because I really want to and actually I’ve been thinking about it for a while now even though I know it’s still pretty early, that’s why I didn’t want to say-“

“Spit it out, Peralta.” She cuts his nervous ramblings short, and all the exasperated affection in her voice feels like coming home.

“Right, yeah, okay. Uh, Teddy’s proposing tomorrow morning, right?”

“Yes?”

“So…so what if I, uh, proposed first?” He can’t help the grin that slowly blossoms across his face, even as the momentum of the idea hits them both full force. “Beat him to it, y’know. Can’t marry him if you’re already engaged to someone else, right?” He laughs nervously, already feeling an obscene amount of adrenaline pumping through his body.

She’s silent, obviously stunned – a thick cloud of panic and self-doubt starts to overwhelm him and he instantly starts to backtrack. “Sorry, it’s probably a stupid idea, and like I said it’s absolutely your choice, 100%, but I really love you and-“

“Okay.” She says it slowly, all strong piercing gaze that slowly but surely turns to a warm smile and he thinks his soul might have actually left his body for a second because holy shit, okay, he’s actually going to do this instead of just daydreaming about it whenever he decorates a wedding cake or practising with his grandmother’s ring in the bath.

“Okay?” He asks, surprised by the complete disbelief in his voice; in his searching gaze, he finds the first real hope he’s had all day reflected in her eyes.

“Yeah. Yes! That…that actually could work.” Colour has returned to her face for the first time all evening - her smile is as bright as the sun now, brighter and livelier and so overwhelmingly beautiful. She reigns herself in after a second, however, concern washing over her face, as calm and considerate and Amy as ever.

“But…everyone would know. Are you sure you want that? I can’t ask you to give up your life either…”

“I don’t care.” He grins earnestly, then actually takes a second to think about it. “I mean…obviously, it’s going to be weird. And I know that it’s a huge change, but…” He takes her hand. “I can’t lose you. And I don’t want to sneak around anymore.”

“Neither do I.” Her eyes are crinkled with soft joy

“Okay then. Let’s, uh, get engaged!” He springs up on his feet, enthusiastically pulling her up with him with very little grace. They share a bout of half hysterical, blissful laughter as he gets down on one knee, still holding both her hands in his.

“I, uh, don’t have a ring on me.” He realises, slightly sheepish as her laugh continues to float like bubbles into the summer sunset sky.

“What would you do without me, huh?” She shakes her head, eyes still sparkling with amusement as she quickly drops his hands, digging through her velvet pouch until she finds an ornate gold ring that’s probably worth at least a full year of his salary.

He feels a second of sharp, hot embarrassment, familiar fears of inadequacy that is instantly dulled by the proud beam on her face as she places it into his palm. Of course she’s more prepared for this than he is – which sparks another idea.

“Wait…how about you do this?”

“Are you asking me to propose to you?” She raises an eyebrow, but he holds his ground.

“…Maybe.” He shrugs. “Screw stupid patriarchal bullshit tradition, right?”

The smile on her face is so wide he’s worried it might split her face in two; Jake silently vows there and then to dedicate the rest of his days to doing whatever he can to earn that smile from her.

“Definitely. Yes. Okay, um, let me think of what I want to say first.” He gives her back the ring and studies her fondly as she loses herself deep in thought – he can tell that she’s just itching for her notebook and quill to at least structure an outline first, and it just lights him up inside.

She is so consistent, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell her that she doesn’t really need to say anything at all. He already knows what his answer will be.

“Okay. I’m ready.” She shrugs off his cloak and kneels down opposite him – it’s dizzying. He’s still not sure that this isn’t one big fever dream, but if there’s even the slightest chance that joy like this is real, he’s willing to take it.

“I love you.” She begins; so soft and sincere and already perfect. “I love how you’ve always seen me for me, and not who I’m supposed to be. I love how you always remind me what actually matters. I love how you’ve shown me how to have a life outside of the one that’s always been designed for me.”

She takes a steading, shaky breath; he thinks I love you I love you I love you over and over and over again.

“You have this incredibly kind, good, wonderful heart. You love openly and unashamedly, and I want to love you that same way for the rest of my life, if that’s okay with you.”

He laughs, and it’s shaky too; he can actually feel all the emotion welling up inside of him like it’s all physically lodged in his throat. “It definitely is.”

“Cool.” She beams through tears; this time, her eyes never once leave his. “I want you and no-one else. This has always been my choice to make, and I choose you. Will you marry me?”

He kisses her intently then, unable to hold himself back any longer; he pulls her as close as he can, spinning her around, and it’s joy, the light feeling in his chest – pure unadulterated ecstasy that seems to crackle in the air around them, overwhelming wonder that this kind of happiness can last.

“Is that a yes?” She breathes as they finally break apart, eyes still shut, foreheads still pressed together. Even the rolling waves of the ocean would part for them, now, he’s sure of it. In this moment, the seven kingdoms would crumble and fall before they could be forced apart again.

“God, yes.” He says, kissing her again; the stars are watching fondly by now, and they’ll allow this tiny miracle, give their blessing to the ring that is comically far too small for Jake’s finger and yet also somehow completely perfect. He murmurs it against her lips, then into the top of her head as they hold each other, again and again and again until the word loses all meaning altogether.

He’s late home that night, too – but the light feeling in his chest never falters.

***

She’s late. It worries him.

Only by a minute or two, not long enough to justify sounding the castle alarms or bursting dramatically into her chambers. Barely enough to even be worried, and yet still enough to get him pacing frantically up and down the corridor outside the library – Amy’s favourite spot in the entire castle.

It has the most beautiful view of the lake and the forest beyond it; amongst a maelstrom of other feelings, he has a yearning to just drop everything and run out there now. The only thing keeping him anchored to castle grounds is the deep rooted fear of Amy herself probably executing him herself if he didn’t show up to this dinner.

(She’s been planning every intricate detail of this event for weeks; all he has to do is wear this ridiculous fancy outfit and not embarrass himself in front of her entire family. Easier said than done, especially as most of said family don’t exactly approve of their engagement.)

It’s love for Amy too, of course, that’s always kept him anchored; it’s why the familiar click-clack of her heels on the old wooden floor coming ever closer elicits such a fresh breath of relief.

“Hey, you wanted to see me?” She says, or at least that’s what he thinks she’s says; when he finally lays eyes on her Jake is slightly too busy being overwhelmed at the glowing presence before him to process anything else. He realises his mouth is hanging open a few seconds too late and promptly closes it, finding a quiet delight in the unmistakable blush on her cheeks.

“Oh, wow. You look beautiful.” She does; her ballgown is an sophisticated shade of dark red that compliments her perfectly, her skirt almost creating the illusion of floating as it wafts behind her. She’s all soft, practically lit up, the epitome of poise and grace – best of all, her hair, usually formally tied back in tight, complicated braids, falls loose in perfect curls that elegantly frame her face.

She looks like an oil painting, a masterpiece flawlessly sculpted and come to life - he is the luckiest man on earth.

“Thank you.” She smiles, shyly at first, before her grin broadens to mirror his own. “You look beautiful too.”

“Thanks.” He pulls a face, tugs at the stiff, almost suffocating collar of his fancy velvet cloak. “Kinda feels like I’m playing dress up.”

The brief respite of being completely mesmerised by his fiancée is quickly over; as if she can sense his shift in mood Amy steps closer to him, placing a comforting hand over his heart which he instinctively holds close.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

He clenches his free fist, anxiety running white hot. “I feel like…it’s stupid.” He wants to run away more than ever, but her searching expression tells him she won’t let this go.

“What if I use the wrong fork?” He finally blurts, brain running wild with the conspiracy theory that this engagement dinner is really just a golden shining opportunity for Amy’s family to poke and prod at everything that’s ever made him feel not good enough for her.

She furrows her brow in confusion; he sighs, running his hand through his hair and then instantly worrying that he’s messed that up too. “What if I don’t use the fancy napkins correctly or I stain this fancy outfit or I don’t address the guests with their correct titles or-“

“- Jake –“

“- I just…don’t wanna mess this up. I don’t want your family to hate me more than they already do, and I know it doesn’t matter because the only thing that matters is what you think but…I just want to be…” He sighs again, frustration making his words dense and unusually heavy – this is a burden he’s been carrying around for a long time. “I just want to be good enough.”

“Jake.” She says again, more firmly than last time – when he forces himself to meet her gaze, there is already infinite comfort in her reassuring smile.

“You know why I’ve put so much effort into this stupid dinner?” He shakes his head. “It’s because I want to give my family the opportunity to see just how amazing you are.”

“You’re not going to mess this up – even if you do, you said it yourself. It doesn’t matter.” She pauses for emphasis, gently squeezing his hand. “Whatever happens, I’m going to be beside you the whole time. My family are going to have to accept that sooner or later, whether they approve or not.”

Her eyes glitter with familiar unshakeable determination and he feels his heart swell with gratitude. Water is wet, the sky is blue and Amy loves him. It doesn’t matter if he’s never sure of anything else again – that one certainty is more than enough to silence the doubts roaring in his chest.

“You’re amazing.” His tone is nothing but reverent; she blushes again.

“So are you. And half of my brothers already love you anyway. Manny’s practically desperate for your autograph.” They share a warm smile; for a second, he indulges in their own little bubble of happiness, letting the rest of the world fall away. He can’t wait to be married to her.

“Oh, wait.” He smacks his palm against his forehead, eyes wide. “I nearly forgot – uh, hold on a second.” He fumbles with the clasp of his cloak, undoing it to hastily reach for the ring he has safely tucked away in the breast pocket. He produces it with a theatrical flourish, and her eyes light up.

“Is that-“

“-My grandmother’s, yeah.” He grins brightly before gently slipping it on to her finger. She holds her hand up to the light to admire it properly; he’s sure it’s tiny glinting diamond barely compares to what she’s used to, but he hopes the sentimental value gives it more weight.

“I know it’s small, but-“

“It’s beautiful.” She says earnestly, quelling his fears yet again. “I love it. Thank you.” She cups his jaw and kisses him softly – the cool metal against his skin makes him smile against her lips, a twin to the ornate gold ring hanging around his neck.

“She would have really loved you.” He says, sincere; she quietly glows with pride and they share another smile, this one rudely interrupted by the chiming of the clock tower outside. Amy’s eyes widen and she gives him an apologetic grimace, groaning in frustration.

“Oh no, I have to meet with the Ambassador about those new trading routes…”

“It’s fine.” He says, then laughs when she still looks concerned, waving her off. “Go! I’ll still be here when you get back, I promise.” No matter how much he loves the forest, he has no desire to escape there now that he’s found something so much more liberating.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” She frowns, glancing at the clock again - for once his certainty refuses to waver.

“Of course I will. I’ve got you.”

“You’re so cheesy.”

“See you at eight.” He salutes playfully; she rolls her eyes and kisses him quick before striding off to go save the world.

As he watches her go, no ache of longing or yearning follows - he smiles to himself before heading down to the kitchen to see what samples of tonight’s feast he can persuade Charles to give him. It’s freeing, the ring around his neck - he doesn’t need to worry about what’s in their future or when the next precious second they can steal away together will be.

They’ve got all the time in the world.

#b99 summer 2019 fic exchange #b99fandomevents #b99 #b99 fic #jake x amy #peraltiago #my writing #i am...a puddle #hope you enjoy <3

92 notes · View notes

michaelmcchillsmpe · 5 years ago

Text

Day 16 | 12/14/19

Okay, heads up, this is going to be a long one. Michael did his charity stream this day so it’s a lot of hours of doing stuff on SMP Earth but there were also a lot of interruptions because it was, of course, a charity stream with specific stream goals. Also sorry if some of the points don’t seem to be as relevant to his progress on the server because he was more focused on his charity stream doing good than doing good in-game.

Michael’s charity stream day! He gets on SMP Earth to bring some more friends onto the server and he’s looking for leather because if someone donates $50 to his stream he’ll fly to someone’s base to put an emote of his of their choosing there.

Note: For when I mention SMP Live, know that this stream ended only hours before the members of that server were told the server would be shutting down so in this stream no one knew the server would be shutting down so soon yet.

Michael gets three people in the game: FallyFire (one of his good friends, Alan), CrowWing15 (his girlfriend, Ellen), and AFitzy (the voice actress, Allanah, for Alesa, the girl that is all of Michael’s emotes and basically represents his stream).

Michael goes to get Ellen and Allanah to bring them back to Packle since they joined the faction. Ellen is with Michael in person and Allanah is in the VC.

Michael takes Allanah with him to go to Burren’s base to retrieve leather for making item frames for emotes at different people’s bases. Burren hops in and out of VC to talk to them as well.

They go to Connor’s base by accident and Allanah dies there. Michael dies not long after just as he gets to Burren’s base.

Dink joins the VC. He then is called a bitch through a donation.

Someone donates to go to Techno’s base and put Swolesa there so Michael goes there.

Fit joins the call. He apparently got banned from the Vatican’s Minecraft server. He also says that he’ll say his line at $2,200 which the goal was $30 off of at that point.

We hit $2,200 and Fit says the line. Michael also heads back to California as James joins the VC.

Fally finally joins in.

James puts water on their concrete powder road turning a portion of it to concrete.

Michael gets a donation to go to Sp00n’s base to hide an emote at his house.

Michael goes afk for a second to talk to his sister and James puts him in a hole with a murder cart under him that kills him the second he gets back.

Since it’s a charity stream Michael keeps going in and out of VC to talk to chat about stuff. He joins back at one point apparently to Jameskii in a hot tub in VC.

Josh comes on to do a server restart because there’s a couple of glitches but Michael is in a plane over the ocean so there’s a yelling match in in-game chat as everyone else jokingly says to do it right then.

Michael’s connection starts lagging really badly.

Tommy joins the VC for a second to threaten Michael for being close to his territory only to realize they’re allies and he leaves very quickly.

Michael crashes his plane and dies. Burren has a laughing fit while Dink goes to get his stuff.

Wispexe and Tommy join the call to see if they can get some traded diamonds or cobblestone but the server is still really laggy and Michael can’t log on very well.

Michael and Ellen take a break to build a gingerbread house as part of their donation goals.

Michael flies to go get the items that Dink got for him but he’s interrupted by a $100 donation where he breaks his keyboard in half.

Michael flies to Kara’s base to carry out a prank that he got paid for. Then he puts several other emotes up at her base for fun for donations.

They take a break for a second for reaching a donation goal which Michael said he’d put his cat, Leela, in a Christmas outfit. She was adorable in it but did not like wearing it for long.

Then they hop on Runescape (in which Sky himself joined in) followed by some mini-games in Minecraft with viewers for a couple of hours. They come back to Earth right after however.

Michael comes back in and asks Poke to join a VC and gets Burren and Beef as well. Poke leaves after a minute though because Michael just sells out to his chat for charity.

Michael flies to Poke’s base to put up a meme at his place.

Burren leaves the VC but Yoshi joins and immediately gets bullied like usual. Poke and Michael try to get him to ban Schlatt and Carson from SMP Live.

Poke also made it a point to make sure when both Ant and Schlatt donated that he had donated more than what each of them donated. He

Michael takes a break for a second to read a Christmas story to chat because he reached a goal.

When he goes back to the server he flies to Jordan’s base because he got paid to put an emote there.

He gets stuck in the ocean as his plane gets stuck in a bubble column so Michael rejoins a VC with Yoshi and Poke to get them to help. He breaks free of one glitch only to get stuck in another. He despawns his plane though and drops into the ocean to be picked up by Yoshi who showed up in his plane to help. Michael gets in Yoshi’s plane in a drive-by though which everyone was impressed by.

He finally gets to Jordan’s base and puts down the emotes he got paid to put there.

He takes a break for a little bit because he gets emotional but he comes back and wanders around for a bit as he talks to chat.

Packle allies with JokosWorld.

Michael tries to fly back to Packle but his plane is broken from the glitch earlier. He has to switch to his secondary, slower plane in order to get back.

He flies to the railroad to get back to Packle on that then flies the rest of the way back again. He has a jam sesh on the trip.

Connor got the donations to $6969.69 (I had to add this lol)

Michael accidentally says they’ll start war with Crisis Text Line if they reach the goal instead of the AntarcticEmpire.

He watches Motivational Lizard for the first time.

He pulls in Yoshi so he can go on SMP Live and blow up his base (again) there since he reached the goal for that.

They go back on SMP Earth because Techno got on and they get him in a VC. Jameskii joins the VC as well. Michael then tells Techno they have declared war on the AntarcticEmpire and Techno immediately flies over and is like “wait I see a guy in iron I got this.”

Michael goes to hide in the bunker and tells Fally to get in there as well.

They make jokes about how the war is going to look like Avengers: Endgame because Packle has so many allies.

Michael thanks chat again for donating before ending the stream after 15 hours.

AND SHOUTOUT TO UMUHOATMEAL FOR DONATING A LITERAL $3,000 TO THE STREAM FOR CHARITY. THEY’RE CRAZY BUT AMAZING AND WE LOVE THEM FOR IT.

Quotes:

Allanah: “I have a gun.”

Michael: *talking about Poke and James* “Can one of you @ them, try to get them in here.” Burren: “I WILL. I’LL ANNOY THEM. YES.”

Beef: “I forgot that people exist in real life too.”

Michael: “If we reach our goal, we are starting war with Crisis Text Line. Wait-”

Michael: “Start a war to stop suicide.”

#michaelmcchill #smpearth #king_burren #jameskii #fallyfire #allanah #crowwing15 #dinkster #dinksterdaily #fitmc #tommyinnit #wispexe #roastedjames #pokay #svyoshi #afitzy #technoblade

10 notes · View notes

apricotsndots · 5 years ago

Text

Long-ish ramble below! I’m getting all sentimental and junk 😂

I made fanart of the week!! Which I’m still processing because WOW that’s a lot of serotonin in a time of my life where I’m not quite making so much on the regular

It’s funny, I started making critical role fanart almost exactly one year ago! (One year two days ago to be exact) I never anticipated I’d get drawn into this community as much as I have. I started drawing avidly in middle school, but by the time I’d reached college it’d tapered off a bit, and I didn’t feel motivated to try and learn more, or do better. “I’m getting an environmental degree, why are you trying to art all over the place?!” was a common self detrimental thought as I’d ‘waste time’ on drawing instead of more pressing matters.

In 2018 I applied on a whim to study abroad, not thinking I’d be much compared to the others trying to get into the program. Much like this fanart submission, I was in for quite a surprise when selected! I met so many great friends in Okayama, and even got sucked into a d&d group! I didn’t know much about d&d at the time, I’d listened to TAZ a bit while sewing. But my DM in Japan kept mentioning critical role, how cool it was, and “look they’re doing story driven improv which is what YOU like doing ok so plz be our DM I’m tired of doing this in English”. We watched Mercer’s dmtips, and we watched clips of memorable campaign 1 moments.

I’ll admit it, at the time I was intrigued, but also stressed and overstimulated from living life in a foreign country and taking 21 credit hours to cram over half my minor into one semester 😂 so I didn’t start listening to critical role really until early autumn, right as the pirate arc was starting. Listened to the first few eps on my drive from home to school, found it streaming by chance live on YouTube and was hooked ever since.

And like I said, I hadn’t been drawing much at the time. A bit here there, nothing consistent. But my interest was struck seeing all this fanart being down in the episode at breaks and at the beginning and end of the show. And then seeing that the players of this neat new show I’m watching will interact with the community with things like fanart or retweeting/commenting. And then I see cosplays, animatics, I see people inspired and people improving themselves for the love of this thing.

And I’m sitting over here like. Huh! Neat! So eventually I scribbled a little bit from an episode I’d just watched and posted bits, pieces, a little comic strip, and more pieces. Liam liked an early sketch of mine as I’m trying to figure out twitter, and it blew my mind! I’m watching this thing, and someone I’ve watched and enjoy knows a piece of what I put out exists! I’m over here making people happy! So I keep doodling, keep drawing, and experiment with digital painting a little. I even made a (shoddy) animatic one time

In doing this for funsies, but quickly enough I gained enough confidence to try and incorporate it into my major at school. I got my BS in Sustainable Development c/environmental studies...just graduated in May. In my last semester, I went bold with my capstone research and asked my thesis professor “hey, you said instead of the big big paper, it could be half length with an attached project? I’ve got a proposal for a comic.”

Now keep in mind, I’m not an art student. I don’t know what the heeeeeeeeeeeck I’m doing as I use bootleg software on an ancient laptop and a budget tablet. But I’m making art again, because this cool show keeps inspiring me to doodle and draw. I can literally say that thanks to critical role as my motivation and inspiration for drawing, I ended up making art that helped me graduate. I was also involved in a showcase and charity gala with my art. And I’ve got plans for a LONGER comic I’m still chipping away at that may or may not eventually find a home in children’s publishing. I’m happier than I’ve been in a while.

Critical role’s kept me company through some rough patches. Not the roughest or darkest I’ve been in, but still something that’s helping me keep myself rooted in the present. And I’m creating things. And making friends! Meeting so many new people online, I haven’t had a fandom community in so long, y’know? And I know that this show was the slingshot that got me in a state to see the value in my own creations. Making things and sharing them, getting reactions, inspiring people to make other things, we’re all growing together in this. And that makes it all the more exciting to venture out into more uncharted territory.

I’ve seen a few things of mine make the art reel, I made a couple of galleries, and this is the cherry on top, getting a few words on fotw that mean a lot to me. I’m encouraged to make more for this community, and to venture out into storytelling for my own things. And I’m halfway tempted to send a mushy “thank you for everything you create and share with us” email but I think they’re busy enough. Irl I’m more of a silent pep squad. But it means a lot to me.

#not art #ramble #getting all mushy and trying to pull some thoughts together #long post

14 notes · View notes

gffa · 5 years ago

Text

I genuinely love the mythology of Star Wars and some of the core foundations of it, especially when George Lucas talks about the nature of the dark side and the light side of the Force, the duality and choice that is within all of us. But one of my other favorite talks he gave is the duality of pleasure vs joy: “Happiness is pleasure and happiness is joy. It can be either one, you add them up and it can be the uber category of happiness. “Pleasure is short lived. It lasts an hour, it lasts a minute, it lasts a month. It peaks and then it goes down–it peaks very high, but the next time you want to get that same peak you have to do it twice as much. It’s like drugs, you have to keep doing it because it insulates itself. No matter what it is, whether you’re shopping or you’re engaged in any other kind of pleasure. It all has the same quality about it. “On the other hand is joy and joy is the thing that doesn’t go as high as pleasure, in terms of your emotional reaction. But it stays with you. Joy is something you can recall, pleasure you can’t. So the secret is that, even though it’s not as intense as pleasure, the joy will last you a lot longer. “People who get the pleasure they keep saying, ‘Well, if I can just get richer and get more cars–!’ You’ll never relive the moment you got your first car, that’s it, that’s the highest peak. Yes, you could get three Ferraris and a new gulf stream jet and maybe you’ll get close. But you have to keep going and eventually you’ll run out. You just can’t do it, it doesn’t work. “If you’re trying to sustain that level of peak pleasure, you’re doomed. It’s a very American idea, but it just can’t happen. You just let it go. Peak. Break. Pleasure is fun it’s great, but you can’t keep it going forever. “Just accept the fact that it’s here and it’s gone, and maybe again it’ll come back and you’ll get to do it again. Joy lasts forever. Pleasure is purely self-centered. It’s all about your pleasure, it’s about you. It’s a selfish self-centered emotion, that’s created by self-centered motive of greed. “Joy is compassion, joy is giving yourself to somebody else or something else. And it’s the kind of thing that is in it’s subtlty and lowness more powerful than pleasure. If you get hung up on pleasure you’re doomed. If you pursue joy you will find everlasting happiness.” --George Lucas You can see how this influences the foundations of the light side and the dark side, which at its core is about selflessness vs selfishness, about compassion vs greed, in that it’s about the pursuit of joy rather than pleasure. It’s not that you can never experience pleasure, but you can’t get hung up on it, because pleasure is not sustainable long-term, only joy is. And that always strikes me whenever I pick up The Hijacking of the American Mind by Robert Lustig, MD, MSL a book about how corporations have specifically targeted our joy centers to make us so focused on reward--at the expense of content--through various means, which includes this as one of the foundations you need to understand: “At this point it’s essential to define and clarify what I mean by these two words—pleasure and happiness—which can mean different things to different people. “Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines “pleasure” as “enjoyment or satisfaction derived from what is to one’s liking”; or “gratification”; or “reward.” While “pleasure” has a multitude of synonyms, it is this phenomenon of reward that we will explore, as scientists have elaborated a specific “reward pathway” in the brain, and we now understand the neuroscience of its regulation. Conversely, “happiness” is defined as “the quality or state of being happy”; or “joy”; or “contentment.” While there are many synonyms for “happiness,” it is the phenomenon that Aristotle originally referred to as eudemonia, or the internal experience of contentment, that we will parse in this book. Contentment is the lowest baseline level of happiness, the state in which it’s not necessary to seek more. In the movie Lovers and Other Strangers (1970), middle-aged married couple Beatrice Arthur and Richard Castellano were asked the question “Are you happy?”—to which they responded, “Happy? Who’s happy? We’re content.” Scientists now understand that there is a specific “contentment pathway” that is completely separate from the pleasure or reward pathway in the brain and under completely different regulation. Pleasure (reward) is the emotional state where your brain says, This feels good—I want more, while happiness (contentment) is the emotional state where your brain says, This feels good—I don’t want or need any more. “Reward and contentment are both positive emotions, highly valued by humans, and both reasons for initiative and personal betterment. It’s hard to be happy if you derive no pleasure for your efforts—but this is exactly what is seen in the various forms of addiction. Conversely, if you are perennially discontent, as is so often seen in patients with clinical depression, you may lose the impetus to better your social position in life, and it’s virtually impossible to derive reward for your efforts. Reward and contentment rely on the presence of the other. Nonetheless, they are decidedly different phenomena. Yet both have been slowly and mysteriously vanishing from our global ethos as the prevalence of addiction and depression continues to climb. “Drumroll . . . without further ado, behold the seven differences between reward and contentment:

Reward is short-lived (about an hour, like a good meal). Get it, experience it, and get over it. Why do you think you can’t remember what you ate for dinner yesterday? Conversely, contentment lasts much longer (weeks to months to years). It’s what happens when you have a working marriage or watch your teenager graduate from high school. And if you experience contentment from a sense of achievement or purpose, the chances are that you will feel it for a long time to come, perhaps even the rest of your life.

Reward is visceral in terms of excitement (e.g., a casino, a football game, or a strip club). It activates the body’s fight-or-flight system, which causes blood pressure and heart rate to go up. Conversely, contentment is ethereal and calming (e.g., listening to soothing music or watching the waves of the ocean). It makes your heart rate slow and your blood pressure decline.

Reward can be achieved with different substances (e.g., heroin, nicotine, cocaine, caffeine, alcohol, and of course sugar). Each stimulates the reward center of the brain. Some are legal, some are not. Conversely, contentment is not achievable with substance use. Rather, contentment is usually achieved with deeds (like graduating from college or having a child who can navigate his or her own path in life).

Reward occurs with the process of taking (like from a casino). Gambling is definitely a high: when you win, it is fundamentally rewarding, both viscerally and economically. But go back to the same table the next day. Maybe you’ll feel a jolt of excitement to try again. But there’s no glow, no lasting feeling from the night before. Or go buy a nice dress at Macy’s. Then try it on again a month later. Does it generate the same enthusiasm? Conversely, contentment is often generated through giving (like giving money to a charity, or giving your time to your child, or devoting time and energy to a worthwhile project).

Reward is yours and yours alone. Your sense of reward does not immediately impact anyone else. Conversely, your contentment, or lack of it, often impacts other people directly and can impact society at large. Those who are extremely unhappy (the Columbine shooters) can take their unhappiness out on others. It should be said at this point that pleasure and happiness are by no means mutually exclusive. A dinner at the Bay Area Michelin three-star restaurant the French Laundry can likely generate simultaneous pleasure for you from the stellar food and wine but can also generate contentment from the shared experience with spouse, family, or friends, and then possibly a bit of unhappiness when the bill arrives.

Reward when unchecked can lead us into misery, like addiction. Too much substance use (food, drugs, nicotine, alcohol) or compulsive behaviors (gambling, shopping, surfing the internet, sex) will overload the reward pathway and lead not just to dejection, destitution, and disease but not uncommonly death as well. Conversely, walking in the woods or playing with your grandchildren or pets (as long as you don’t have to clean up after them) could bring contentment and keep you from being miserable in the first place.

Last and most important, reward is driven by dopamine, and contentment by serotonin. Each is a neurotransmitter—a biochemical manufactured in the brain that drives feelings and emotions—but the two couldn’t be more different. Although dopamine and serotonin drive separate brain processes, it is where they overlap and how they influence each other that generates the action in this story. Two separate chemicals, two separate brain pathways, two separate regulatory schemes, and two separate physiological and psychological outcomes. How and where these two chemicals work, and how they work either in concert or in opposition to each other, is the holy grail in the ultimate quest for both pleasure and happiness.”

-- Robert Lustig, MD, MSL This is further reflected in what Dave Filoni says about the dark side: "In the end, it’s about fundamentally becoming selfless moreso than selfish. It seems so simple, but it’s so hard to do. And when you’re tempted by the dark side, you don’t overcome it once in life and then you’re good. It’s a constant. And that’s what, really, Star Wars is about and what I think George wanted people to know. That to be a good person and to really feel better about your life and experience life fully you have to let go of everything you fear to lose. Because then you can’t be controlled. “But when you fear, fear is the path to the dark side, it’s also the shadow of greed, because greed makes you covet things, greed makes you surround yourself with all these things that make you feel comfortable in the moment, but they don’t really make you happy. And then, when you’re afraid of something, it makes you angry, when you get angry, you start to hate something, sometimes you don’t even know why. When you hate, do you often know why you hate? No, you direct it at things and then you hate it. And it’s hard because anger can be a strength at times, but you can’t use it in such a selfish way, it can be a destroyer then. “These are the core things of Star Wars.“ --Dave Filoni As well as one of my favorite essays from Star Wars Psychology: Dark Side of the Mind, Faith and the Force where that duality is once again touched on: “People with an extrinsic religious orientation, that is, those who participate as a self-serving way to gain social rewards, like meeting people or obeying their parents (extrinsic motivation), express more prejudice. They hate more. Extrinsically motivated, the Sith use the power of the Force to benefit themselves and manipulate or hurt others. To people with intrinsic religious orientation, on the other hand, spirituality itself is part of their self-concept and their religion’s teachings give them guidance in life. They value religion for its own sake (intrinsic motivation). Intrinsically religious individuals show less prejudice and less self-serving biases, at least when their religious teachings encourage tolerance and do not directly promote discrimination. Just as Jedi get in tune with the Force, those who are intrinsically spiritual come to appreciate the great variety of life and endeavor to serve others.” -- Dr. Clay Routledge Ph.D All of this paints a fascinating picture to look at the way people work and how the mythology of Star Wars works, how the dark side isn’t just the occasional moment of pleasure or moment of anger, but about the embracing of it, the refusal to turn back from those things that can destroy you. If you try to sustain pleasure at a constant, it just won’t work, you’ll be sending yourself into this really awful cycle. That’s why the Jedi teach that the dark side is part of all of them (which is one of their foundations, because Qui-Gon says that they taught all that in the creche during Master and Apprentice) and it’s to be guarded against, that’s why they teach that you don’t suppress your emotions, you control them before they control you, that’s why it’s so easy to find moments of them being angry (Obi-Wan during the fight with Maul, when Anakin nearly shirks his duty at the end of AOTC, on Mustafar, when Maul kills Satine, when Yoda confronts Sidious he’s clearly angry as well, when Mace fights Sidious he’s going through a riot of feelings, his ENTIRE COMIC, Jedi of the Republic, is about him coming to terms with his anger and controlling it before it controls him, even Anakin’s constant anger issues never get a “you’re not allowed to feel that”, but a “you need to get a grip” when it starts becoming dangerous) because those things can lead to the dark side, but it’s never been that you’re supposed to be inhuman. You just gotta watch it and find balance within yourself. Even Yoda specifically says it himself, it’s a lifelong challenge not to bend fear into anger. These dualities within ourselves and how we discipline ourselves against those things that, should we embrace them, are at the core of Star Wars and this is why they can be so incredibly meaningful.

#jedi #jedi order #meta #novels #george lucas

183 notes · View notes