#got all of 4 hours of sleep last night
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I have so many scenes in my head that I want to write but I’m too exhausted and my eyes are too tired. Insomnia is a bitch.
#got all of 4 hours of sleep last night#and I have today off cause of mlk day#so I’m just spending it feel tired and drowsy af#and not doing what I actually want to do#yay
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Cas really read dean to filth within an inch of his LIFE three (3) minutes after meeting him (What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?), threatened him the very next time he saw him (You should show me some respect. I'm the one who dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in.), then the time after that overshared about being a good little soldier (Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul? I'm not a... hammer, as you say. I have questions. I have doubts)
absolutely insane writing from the destiel show
#look i don't even know where i was going with this post#im just.... the timing of it all#like literally their first three interactions#in this exact order#im just fully insane about s4 and the way cas changes almost instantly after meeting dean in person#destiel#don't ask me to make sense of this post please it's almost midnight and i got like 4 hours of sleep last night#and lord im about to do it again#spn#it's ya boi rach
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finally finished and submitted all the projects and practicals yesterday, had to go off all the social media (which for me are just youtube and tumblr) but seems like i missed a LOT because what the hell did amit shah say about babasaheb? priyanka gandhi carrying that palestine bag is gonna be my new icon. and “sansad mein dhakka mukki” huh?? tf is going on someone apparently accused rahul gandhi of assault??
#desiblr#desi tag#desi tumblr#being desi#just desi things#desi politics#indian politics#the cons of going on a hiatus is that you miss all the political tea#at least i submitted the practicals. yesterday was the last day and I had 4 hours of sleep every night for the entire week.#i woke up at 7. 30 today and that feels so good#anyway what tf is going on w our politicians#someone got hospitalized?? kharge ji wrote a letter to om birla??#and i am still wondering like wtf did hm say#i'm so lost#what the hell happened in the past 4-5 days?
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forced myself to wake up and leave my warm cozy blanky at 3:30 am in the winter to speedrun my syllabus because they gave us 12 hours to prep for our endsem are yall proud of me
#not to mention ive baaaaarely gotten sleep the past few nights because its been back 2 back exams every day#forget afternoon naps i havent even been getting more than 4 hours at NIGHT#and i am a bitch that values sleep above all else#and i got no time to prep the syllabus beforehand because of all our never ending fucking assignments#including yk. the full fledged GAME they made us code from scratch in 3 weeks without teaching us anyyy of the required tools or languages#literally speedran an entire math course with everything from number theory and graph theory to fucking induction and combinatorics#in like. 4 hours and gave my endsem NOT EVEN 12 HOURS BACK AND IT WAS 50% OF OUR FUCKING GRADE#and now i have to do it againnn for the third exam in a row at 9:30 in the fucking morning#which btw i realized LAST NIGHT. because our datesheet said the exam was at 2:30 but theyre doing it in batches#so i dont even have the morning to revise and need to pull this shit#AND THEN EVEN FOR THE COURSES WHERE I SOMEHOW COVER THE ENTIRE SYLLABUS THOROUGHLY THEY WILL GIVE THE MOST OUT OF POCKET BULLSHIT#THAT YOUVE NEVER HEARD OF IN YOUR LIFE#and after THIS exam i have to speedrun linear algebra and teach it to a bunch of kids by tomorrow morning#granted that one is on me because i couldve said no but ugh#college hateposting#in other news my ex crush wore a suit yesterday and she looked so hot she almost made me relapse into lesbianism#but i digresssssss#x am rambles#man ive missed ranting about shit on tumblr i should come back here more often
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spent from 10:30 PM to about 3:40 AM at the emergency vet last night with my brother's puppy, Snoop. she's okay, but she ate something that made her sick and I was super scared in light of Stringer's bloat so i wasn't taking chances and took her
she came home with me early this morning and we went back for a recheck around noon and she's gotten the all clear, so here's hoping all dogs stay healthy from here on out!
and no more emergency vet visits, please
#she was eating the blanket at the bottom of her crate in the brief intervals i crated her to walk Stringer#but also was gnawing obsessively on nylabones yesterday she may have ingested parts of#so i can't say for sure what did it but her stomach was all out of whack and they said her x-rays might have shown foreign objects#but the recheck today shows they've all reached her colon and out of her stomach so they will be pooped out on their own#thank fucking god - i was almost hysterical last night before becoming numb sitting in that ER with all those other animals suffering#saw some absolutely horrific things - i hate hate hate going to the emergency vet it's always traumatizing#cause not only are you dealing with your pet and their scares but then total strangers who are also contending with life and death#we got home around 4:15 this morning and i didn't get to sleep until 5ish and then was away by 7 so i'm fucking exhausted#i napped for an hour earlier this evening but i feel tonight i will pass out early
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bracelets as a christmas gift for michaels coworker #1
#i havent made bracelets in forevar. yippie#the adjustable bracelet im sooo proud of#i got one of the wood burning tools but instead of using it to. burn wood. im just using it to melt the edges of the cording#instead of using a lighter which is sooo imprecise#this thing i can actually just press it down and melt it at the same time. so lovely#brot posts#one coworker down 3 more to go. total of 4 more bracelets#i wanna do 1 fancy stretch and 1 lower key adjustable bracelet per person#i just gotta ask to see what their fave colors are#i made a blue stretch one already i know at least one of them enjoys blue so i just dont know which one its going to#and then the other one. is a guy. and i dont think the sparkly stretch bracelet matches his style#so im just gonna do a lowkey all black adjustable bracelet for him#his is already designed i just gotta restring it 😑#anyway i got melted leather cord smoke in my eyes and i need to be awake in like 5 hours for a 12 hour shift tomorrow#after which i’ll need to make these last four bracelets tomorrow night#so erm well i should sleep now. arugh
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would you like to play a game?
#my face#best photo i got (of myself) from last night was in a parking garage -_-#i may have spent all night at a metal concert (avatar & in this moment & ice nine kills)#and then i taught after getting 4 hours of sleep#i feel like i’m dying now but it was So worth it
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Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle
#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER#I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family#I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get#home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep#she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM#and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late#she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘#BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon#(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to)#and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’#and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them#and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’#but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side#I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY#never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me#IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough#but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later#cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be#there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them#I’m going to scream I’m going to cry#if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them#but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave#FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL#and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother#I KNOW she did this on purpose#I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long#(again… because of work… something I can’t control)#so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position#where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then#or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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restless when i put my phone down restless when i pick it up i don't know what to DO
#another midterm tomorrow i need to study i need to also do an assingment#also got 4 hours of sleep last night and was at school all day and my head hurts and i keep seeing black spots everywhere its also just so .
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my reading and comprehension skills are AWFUL today i guess holy shIT idk if it's a smart idea for me to make starters lMAO
#i stared at a diy n OT UNDERSTANDING WTF THEY DID TO THE MATERIAL#ENTIRELY MISSING IT WAS A WASH NET TURNED INTO A BAG??#AND I'M SITTING HERE READING SILENT HILL AS RESI AND??#WAS SO CONFUSED BC I WAS LIKE D-DIDN'T THEY REMAKE LIKE 5 YEARS AGO??#WHAT DO U MEAN REMAKE AGAIN??#mind u all i am running on PURE spite atm#i closed by MYSELF LAST NIGHT and had to OPEN today#so i got AT BEST 6 hours and AT WORST 4 hours of sleep#local neighborhood idiot ⸢ ooc. ⸥
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sorry for not being super active i’ve been busy slaying princesses :3
#play slay the princess guys it’s so fun seriously#ehhehehahhaaha#i got. 4 hours of sleep last night and i don’t see the grind stopping anytime soon (i will slay all the princesses)#i say that like i actually killed them. like no the only princess i like actually tried to kill was the razor one and the rest i kinda just#did what they said :33 i love her#except at the end i killed her at the end because i thought she was tricking me again and i felt sooo bad about it but like#oops. my bad#i don’t know what the best ending is either but it’s a very fun game i recommend#wyrms says stuff#and the next tllr chapter will be out sooon i prommy#ever since i got these led strip lights in my room time has literally stopped existing which is probably why i stayed up so late at night#drawing the guys from dead plate#why am i talk about this? i have no idea im super super bored
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youtube
#diana's music diary#🌕#Very very tired today... I managed to sleep maybe 4 hours last night and then I had a 2 hour nap today...#You'd think only getting one hour yesterday would mean I could get a little more than that but.....#My brain really hasn't been working the last couple of days...#I hope that gets better but I'm getting the feeling something is seriously wrong with me... Trying not to panic about it though..#Still waiting to get my blood tested but they're making me do it next month even though I feel like I'm dying now nn;#Hopefully tomorrow I can at least get something to help me sleep more...#Not got any plans for today other than to try and rest... And to try not to freak out too much about all the health issues...#Anyway..... This song has been my latest obsession hehe.. Had it on repeat since it came out#I rewatched Madoka Magica with some friends the other day too... It was their first time seeing it which was fun hehe..#Might have a nap soon if I can... I doubt it but we'll see nn;#Let's try and survive today...
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Daily November crying sessions start today
#why. who. how. how tf does my professor think it's okay to assign 4 major assignments in the same amount of weeks + 4-6 readings every week#all of which are ~20 pages.#i've got all that to do and another big assignment for a different class. plus the weekly readings and reflections for that one.#and i have work.#i've stupidly decided to volunteer for a thing on saturday in the hopes of bulking up my resume + rubbing elbows with the administration.#and i have a medical thing on friday and i'll be looped out and likely will have to sleep half the day. probably won't get ANY work done.#what else..... some fairly easy stuff for my other class thank GOD. but a lot of reading and preparing for a few big essays.#november is the month i hate the fucking most. i always lose my mind in november. and no wonder!!!!!!#meanwhile people are bugging me to hang out. i will be in a student-coma until approx. the first week of december. see you then. peace.#oh and my BIL + SIL sitting me down and showing me all their europe honeymoon photos for 2 HOURS last night is also not helping my mood.#fuck you lol#like i'm happy for you and nice photos but also? Fuck You.#if i can offer some dark humour though.....#my fic axis exists because of a legitimate smidge of insanity i experienced last year. it shifted the way i looked at the world and at grie#sooooo i wonder what kind of fic my mind will crank out this time?#i don't think i'm at risk of losing it this year though. doesn't seem that way. but we'll see!#i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health f#rst i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental heal
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I just hope this fucking month will be done soon because I can't anymore with it. It felt like fifteen months long instead of the normal 31 days long.
#and i'm constantly in pain like i haven't had a moment of peace since i got back#and i'm down to the last two pills of the first prescription and the second one has to run all the way to the last week of october#bc my fucking doctor doesn't want to prescribe me more :)))))))))#ohhh and side effect of actually taking two pills a day? they do nothing and i'm spaced out beautifully for 2 to 4 hours :))))#and i'm sleeping like 8 1/2 to 10 hours a night bc i don't know what can't anymore#and mr. dude is making me do stuff i don't understand and he wants them yesterday and i end up cryin' bc i'm so fuckin' frustated#i'm literally tired of being awake already#personal~#just need to rant a lil
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i need to vent in the tags abt the housemate, and i need to find a new word for this person bc "mate" is much too friendly rn.
#( OUT OF SOULS. )#vent tw#rant tw#negativity tw#( so )#( we all get paid the exact same amount here )#( like our bosses divide the hours so the full-time staffers earn the same amount each month )#( and tomorrow it's my birthday so we planned to go out for sushi )#( last night on the way home from work )#( he tells me: 'you'll have to cover for me on thursday.' )#( me: you mean you can't go? )#( be aware that i said that as firmly as i can manage )#( and he goes: 'no no i can go but i need you to pay for me.' )#( 1) we both earn the same amount of cash )#( 2) he doesn't like sushi. he keeps acting like a fucking martyr over the sushi. )#( 3) it's my birthday dinner )#( 4) he's a grown ass man. he's 36 years old. )#( 5) this is NOT the first time i've given him money )#( and 6) in the next four months we have weeks off work )#( i got so stressed last night and panicked that i didn't sleep. )#( idek what to do anymore. )
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