#got a frenchman

[missxlouve]

yooo tumblr

don't know who needs to hear this but after posting my ridiculous declaration four years ago here on Tumblr that I'll move to France one day, I did in fact move to France. permanently (for the foreseeable future).

applying oneself, believing in one's dreams, perseverance, all that bullshit etc. etc.

looking at this old teenage depression outlet blog, one could say that i've come a long way. now my depression outlets are medication, healthy coping mechanisms, and my local bar where i'm the only one drinking Perrier. progress???

[renaissancefailmarriage]

wrt: spain/france i think its really funny that francois spent 2 full centuries trying to ruin antonio's marriage so that he could get with that perfect specimen of manhood and his fat ass, and then immediately got bored with him and went back to obsessing over his foulmouthed bilge rat (no ass) and also a poorly-socialized violent greyhound (also 0 ass)

[hashtagnevermore]

annabel u useless lesbian WAKE UP lenore is two seconds away from beating ur ass

she’s rlly out here fully convinced they’re abt to get downn and dirrtayyy in public while lenore’s going full on ellie williams i’m sobbing

[wolves-in-the-world]

my sincere and heartfelt thanks to @darkfinch for learning that the unnamed long-haired hitter moreau hired is called "The Frenchman" in the commentaries and near-immediately responding with:

[gracecantdopoetry]

I cant stop thinking about all this drama unfolding while Pierre is curled up crying in a corner

[vibesfc]

richard thanking the women of nudes past was kind of wholesome though

[luriluth]

sniffles and sobs i miss them so much

[justalittlechocolatemilkshake]

I was listening to this while doing the dishes and imagined Armand doing the same thing.

[hella1975]

first 5 trk chapters here you go

'every blorbo of yours since has just been a faint attempt at accessing what you once had with andrew' kills myself in front of you to change the trajectory of your life forever

[tomatoluvr69]

I think you’re very wise so I’ll ask you: how does one make friends in their 20s. Like I have a friend group and stuff but I’d like to branch out more. Maybe fuck around find love. Who knows. But how …….

I’m pretty floored by this compliment not gonna lie…and I should be clear that I’ve also struggled with finding friends out of college. I wound up moving back to my college town where I had some connections already, but I can tell you what I did to branch out from those people and make new ones? This is just what’s worked for me, and it’s been slow going, but here goes :-) putting it under a readmore because it got really long and rambly hehe

I had a pretty rough summer when, after 5-6 months of my living here, two of my closest friends (literally 2/3 of the people I decided to move here to be near!) moved to other cities in rapid succession & i had a tough adjustment. What I did to heal was to take some time where I was very intentionally kind of scaling back my social life because I recognized that the irrational hurt that resulted from those departures made it so that I wasn’t in a healthy headspace (thinking a lot of thoughts like companionship is pointless, friendships are born to die, my life will be a long and pointless cycle of making friends -> they abandon me for a partner -> make new friends -> they abandon me for a partner). I had the wherewithal to recognize those thoughts as reactionary, and pretty far removed from the truth, but I was still having them all the time. But I gave myself a purposeful fallow period and I think it REALLY helped. I know that’s not your situation but it’s helpful to explain my experience. (And also just to say, see if you can recognize thought patterns and doubts you have around new friendships as fallacious or insecure if you think they are! Challenge them in your head, and correct them.)

Then, in the fall, I found myself opening up again. Because of my little break (I spent a LOT of time with my very close friend, which maybe wasn’t the most ideal for either of us— but we weathered it) I had the clarity to observe what worked for me and what didn’t, and set challenges for myself. I’m a pretty shy person, and the really fucking annoying truth I’ve come to realize over and over again is that in order to have a rich and thriving social life, I must grit my teeth and fight against those impulses nigh constantly. It is not my nature to cold text an acquaintance who’s on the brink of being a friend to make plans for the first time. That shit is scary to me!!! But I have been fucking forcing myself to make that kind of leap. Basically, the rules I have been trying (and oftentimes failing!) to hold myself to:

1. Almost every other young adult around you is also quietly lonely and hoping for more social connections, especially at that post-college stage. People are thrilled to be reached out to. Remember this first and foremost!! Reassure yourself that no one thinks you’re a freak for being friendly.

2. Text first sometimes (often). You HAVE to do this— if everyone sat around and waited to be enveloped into friendships, no one would have any friends at all. Think about how touched you are when someone makes the first move to you— asks for your number, uses it, suggests a hangout. It’s scary and it sucks but then it’s sooo worth it.

3. This one’s controversial…but I have a policy of “yes”. I do not say no to an invitation. And I do not allow myself to cancel unless I’m ACTUALLY ill. No “self care” excuse. No “I’m tired/depressed/long day at work” excuse. The ONLY exception is if I have a rigid commitment already (or if I’m vomiting or have covid which is…infrequent lol). I always go to the scary party, the nerve-wracking dinner at a friend of a friend’s. Sometimes I have a hunch I’ll hate it, and I do. But most of the time I have that hunch I’m proven wrong and very pleasantly surprised at how nice of a time I’ve had. This is how I’ve deepened acquaintance relationships into friendships, because it allowed me to see people a whole bunch of times and get accustomed to them and talk to them little by little and be less scared of them. but it was harrrrrrd, and it took a long time. I’m only now feeling like I’m actually friends with people I met like… 6-10 months ago.

Those are my rules, but basically it boils down to forcing myself out there way more than I’m comfortable with. And honestly, it’s already changing my personality and becoming more easy.

Also re: seeing people again a whole bunch of times. Become a regular somewhere!!! Join a club, my friend is in a writer’s group that has formed some very solid connections, I have friends who meet up all the time in an earth skills sharing capacity. I have a friend in some sort of trans baseball league or something? I’ve seen posts online for like idk a queer craft meetup, a diverse authors book club, affinity hiking groups, etc. A lot of my friends (and sometimes I!) go to a weekly themed night at a dive bar & over time have gotten to know a lot of the other regulars. Is there a bar near you that has a recurrent event that intrigues you? Goth night, dyke night, karaoke? it won’t happen overnight, you gotta go again and again and and again. But find social hobbies, and by seeing people again in the same place, you will first recognize them, then become friendly, then perhaps even become friends.

Now some disclaimers: I’m very lucky to be well positioned as the best friend and roommate of an incredibly outgoing person, who is the type to become a nucleus of any social scene he enters into. People love him, and want him around, and he loves me and wants me around! This makes things much easier for me, and without that connection, I’d be much more isolated! So I guess some advice there is to be on the lookout for the type of person who effortlessly gathers people. Sometimes I think (unfortunately lol) of the biblical phrase “fisher of men”. But it’s quite apt. If you find yourself being fished, go along with it!! Even if you don’t click completely with that gregarious person, the likelihood that you’ll be thrown into orbit with others is high, and you may find people through that. Let them invite you places! Meet their friends!! Friends who have served this role in my life have been absolutely indispensable for me & I try to actively emulate their modi operandi as much as possible

If you have a pretty closed off friend group, you could work on changing that? Another concrete piece of advice (and one that’s brand new to me lol) is to become a host! Have a brunch potluck or throw a birthday at your place. Invite your friends and have them bring along someone you might not know! Invite people you’re friendly acquaintances with. One of the nicest ways to build community is through like casual, open, and recurrent gatherings. Highly, highly recommend low stakes evenings like potlucks & yard fires & movie nights but especially potlucks. Sometimes you gotta be the gatherer if you want it to happen. I’m brewing up a brunch potluck later this month & im forcing myself kicking and screaming to include a few people I don’t know that well, despite the voice in my head that’s like “why would they want to come hang out with YOU…” (see rule one!!!!!). And again, I’m very lucky to live in a very special town with social people all around, but no one is going to come along and create that culture where it doesn’t already exist. Well, they might…but you can either sit around and wait for them to appear OR you can start fostering that community for yourself. I guess the idea is to take the connections you already have and BUILD! :-) I’m happy to hear you have some friends around you already, I’d really encourage you to start holding casual gatherings and make it explicitly clear that you’d love for them to bring people along.

Oh and also, I’ve found that hosting things TOGETHER is a huge help, it’s hard for me sometimes to put myself out there as the person for whom people will be showing up— but I have teamed up with friends to take the scary edge off. Me and my best friend had a combined birthday party last spring despite our birthdays being a month apart. No one cared about that, and we had so much fun with our goofy wacky theme!! And me and my roommates are all hosting a backyard party together at the end of Jan. This is a great arrangement for me as the shy one of the trio lol. So team up, if you and your friend see a tiktok of a theme dinner, or a costume party, or a scavenger hunt you’d like to recreate, toss it out there! Throw the soup party. Throw the dress like your fave character night. Throw the movie night with themed snacks.

My other disclaimer is that I have a healthy and moderate relationship with drinking, and because of that, I can have a glass of wine or something to help me out at a gathering where I feel very scared. They don’t call it liquid courage for nothing. That’s not an advantage everyone has, and I’m not necessarily advocating for it, but boy does it help me feel less like an alien robot when I’m out somewhere. Having a single g&t sometimes makes all the difference between going into the bar where my friend is playing a show and running back to my car and driving home listening to radiohead all alone. Weed has the opposite effect so I avoid it almost entirely lol. Just pay attention to the way substances affect you if they’re rife in your circles. If you’re sober, look for people who do lots of other things other than drinking— easier said than done, I know, but that’s another reason to throw your own little gatherings— they can be dinners or brunches or movies or hikes or museum outings where there’s no need for things you don’t partake in.

Ok the TLDR of all this is a) push yourself by force to put yourself out there. This is unfortunately an iron-clad prerequisite, like it or not (and I don’t like it…). Grab someone’s number, text them first, go to your random nice coworker’s birthday party where you’ll only know the host. throw a potluck so you can gather budding connections together. b) find what you love to do and do it with others, regularly. You don’t even have to like it that much I guess— just find a way to be exposed to the same people again and again and again. c) repeat to yourself over and over and over and over again that people are WAYYYY more receptive than you think they’ll be— they’re fucking lonely! Our way of life is fucking lonely!! And they think WAYYYY more positively about you than you think they do!!! I absolutely promise. I have ABYSMAL social self esteem and am frequently floored by this discovery but it’s very true. But people want me around because I’m funny and smart and kind and unique. And they want you around for all those same reasons, I promise.

And last thing, it takes fucking TIME. it takes forever. It takes practice and discomfort and stomping all over your hard-won instincts and behaving in ways that are terrifying and brand new to you. But keep seeing people, and take the leap of being the initiator, and give it time and effort and you can do it!!!!! Again these are just the things that have worked for me, your mileage may vary! But genuinely best of luck and I would LOVEEEE to hear updates :-)

PS (I hope this (or like any of this answer lmao help) doesn’t sound condescending, it’s not meant to come across that way, I just tend to ramble. And also I tend to forget that other people don’t always have as much trouble with these social skills as I’ve had so if I’m overexplaining that’s why!! Lol) you can rehearse things in your head as much as you want and no one will ever know. I literally have small talk scripts lmaooooooo. I’ve literally used strangers to practice a method of like interviewing people to get to know them where you just continue to ask questions relevant to what they just said. and you could practice saying things like “want to grab some coffee after this?” or like “hey let me make sure I grab your number, here’s my phone!” and no one will ever know you had to practice like you’re in an elementary school play LOL. I’ve learned so many like normal person social skills just by watching gregarious friends talk to people and straight up intentionally emulating them. bc im normal…. And also intentional and borderline saccharine phrasing like saying “I’d love to have you!” Instead of “if you wanna come” or something. Ok actually I’ve rambled on for soooo long now I hope at least a tiny shred of this was helpful :-)

Okay and another quick edit SORRY. CAMPING!!!!!!!!! If you have ANY desire to camp whatsoever DO IT!!!! NOTHING jumpstarts a new friendship like a camping trip, you can like fast forward through literal months of the early stages if you can get your friend to bring a friend etc. and if not, a nice long hike, if that’s something your body’s not gonna scream at you about haha. GO OUTSIDE WITH PEOPLE IM SO DEADLY SERIOUS.

[aro-ortega]

had a dream about pirates but not about my pirate characters.. so i guess i have new pirate characters now

[racingliners]

Life In the Fast Lane Moodboards

Nico Dumont (6th April 1999. Bordeaux, France)

Formula 1 Driver, Scuderia Alpha Tauri-Honda

‘The picture was of Sophie and Nico, both aged 14, stood on the podium with another driver (Nico had won, with Sophie in second) at the first international karting race they had both competed in together. Incidentally, they had only met each other for the first time the day before, when Nico had rescued a 9 year old Will from picking a fight with another kid who wasn’t exactly keen on being out-qualified by a girl.

Nico had eventually reunited Will with the rest of the Knightsbridge family, and Mark and Mary were so relieved that they offered Nico and his family to join them for dinner, once they found out the Dumonts were staying at the same hotel. Sophie and Nico had been friends ever since.’

ao3 link

[existentialvoidofexistence]

🎶✨️when you get this, put 5 songs you actually listen to, then publish. Send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (negotiable, but positivity is cool)🎶✨️

Fantastic timing, anon, given that I just redecorated my blog all music themed !!!

I can't work out how to add my mp3 files to the post directly so you're stuck with Spotify sorry <3

1.

My new icon is an edit of this album cover, because it rules. Love is like is my favourite from this album <3

🎵 Love is like a bullet in the head, o-oh 🎵

2.

It's difficult to really explain what's going on with experimental music but this one's pretty and I like the album art so it's my header now

3.

Scene Queen my beloved ♡ this is where I got my new blog title. She's just really good at balancing the heavy sound with serious discussions of misogyny while maintaining a fun, campy vibe - 18+ is another great example of that, if it's something you're interested in [cw: it is about sexual predators in the music industry]

4.

I think these guys might be my favourite band right now. This song in particular I think is great, though. The samples are particularly effective in supporting it's dissection of fascist ideology, as well as just being fun, and it's just an all-round bop.

5.

I have no idea what they’re talking about unfortunately - I can't even tell if the song is in English or Mandarin through the growls - but I do think the intro is absolutely chilling.

[eyesoforpheus]

europeans will lambast people from the US into eternity for a lack of sociopolitical knowledge about other countries and then proceed to mock americans for wearing sweatpants or eating fast food like we’re all choosing to be this way

[munch4march]

Patrice has taught Brad some french and he knows enough that he can have conversations with him in french

YES oh my god

i think . there was like an interview, one of my friends showed me

and it was like- bergy said brad's french was actually pretty good and sometimes he'll ask for stuff in french

like on the plane or something he said that if he was closer to the napkins, brad would ask for them in french

LIKE BE LESS LOUD?

[homunculus-argument]

The fascinating thing about Tumblr polls is their ability to demonstrate that no matter how thorough you think you were, it is not possible to ask a simple question with enough clarity to receive the type of answers you were hoping for. You could ask "have you ever been to France?" and clarify that by "you" you're referring to the singular 'you', the person reading the question, and I suppose in cases of multiple/system interpretation of DID, all people currently or previously inhabiting the same body, but no other family members or people that one could otherwise count as 'kin'.

By 'been to' you mean 'has personally physically stepped on french soil' so being on a plane that flew through french airspace doesn't count if you didn't land, sitting in a car/bus that drove through the country doesn't count if you didn't step out of the vehicle at any point, and being there as a fetus when your expecting parent was pregnant with you doesn't count. Getting dicked down by a frenchman also doesn't count, in that case France was in you and not the other way around. Also "I was born in France/I am french" is a separate option.

And you figure you've covered all your bases but once you hit "post", the comment section explodes into mass confusion. Someone wants to know if it counts as visiting France if you were in France but you used a wheelchair. Someone asks if it counts if the frenchman was bottoming, or if you got dicked down by a frenchwoman. Somebody doesn't understand what OP means by "France". Another person is offended that their trip to France "apparently doesn't count" since they also had sex with a local while there. Somebody doesn't understand why "I am french canadian" wasn't included as an option. OP doesn't understand why "I am french canadian" would be included as an option. Four people were frozen stiff in terror and confusion, but made a brave attempt to wildly guess what the question means, and answered something completely wrong.

I accidentally added a poll and can't remove it, so it is now part of this post: