#gosh this pose pack is so good

[aceghosts]

Rooney Shepard (They/Them)/Yorinobu Arasaka Screenshots (6/X)

Death of Peace of Mind Pose Pack by @elfjpeg

MOD LIST

Taglist (Like this post to opt in/out for edits): @bbrocklesnar, @sergeiravenov, @marivenah, @alexxmason, @strangefable, @carlosoliveiraa, @nightbloodbix, @captastra, @direwombat, @voidika, @amalkavian, @cloudofbutterflies92, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @inafieldofdaisies, @cassietrn, @katsigian, @onehornedbeast, @thedeadthree, @confidentandgood, @clicheantagonist

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

orphaned cannibal adoption AU- Charlie BURSTING in the hotel front doors, striking the iconic lion king pose, and proudly presenting the cannibal kid to the other hotel denizens

Charlie: "GUYS OH MY GOSH LOOK LOOK LOOK!" (waggles the kid happily) "A KID!!!!!!!!! Kid, say hi!"

Cannibal Kid: “Hi…”

Husk: "What the fuck is this? Child labor??"

Vaggie: "No."

Cannibal Kid: (dangling in Charlie’s grip) "I'm VERY high up right now."

Charlie: "Do you like it? The hotel? The high up-ness? The other people living here? We can change ANYTHING you like! You are my child now, and I'm melting like silly putty in your tiny, tiny hands!"

Angel Dust: "Thrillin', toots. Who carried."

Cannibal Kid: "Small hands are useful for getting things out of tight spaces."

Charlie: "I did!"

Vaggie: "Do I wanna know what kinds of things you usually get from what kinds of spaces?"

Angel Dust: "Huh. Would'a thought it'd be Vaginal Area over here."

Cannibal Kid: "Internal organs. From still warm bodies."

Vaggie: "Great."

Charlie: "I carried our new kid here ALLLLLLL the way from Cannibal Town! On my shoulders! Just like how my dad used to do with me!! Only I didn’t turn into a horse or a kangaroo or-"

Niffty: "Aww, that's a long way to walk!" (raises hand) "THEY CAN SNACK ON MY HAND IF THEY'RE HUNGRY!"

Vaggie: "Niffty, Rosie packed a lunch."

Niffty: "NOOOOOOOO...!!!"

Vaggie: "And it's adoption, Angel Dust you asshole. Also try keeping the swearing to a G rating okay."

Husk: "You fucking first."

Vaggie: "Fuck."

Cannibal Kid: "Don't worry. Auntie Rosie taught me to only put nice things in my mouth."

Charlie: "Ooooh like candy?!" (realizing cannibal) "Or, wait-"

Cannibal Kid: "Like eyeballs."

Husk: (SNORTS)

Angel Dust: "Ouchie~"

Vaggie: "What? What? Wanna share something with the room, dingbat!?"

Angel Dust: "I meannnnnn- 's not like you're exactly well equipped to feed your new kid, are ya Vagginator? That's kinda... EYE-ronic."

Husk: (snorts so hard his fur fluffs up)

Niffty: "I have an eye I HAVE AN EYE!!! It's BIG and ROUND and-"

Vaggie: "No."

Cannibal Kid: "Aw."

Niffty: "MOTHERFUCKING DAMNIT!!!!!"

Vaggie: "Oh for- Husk, just, break a bottle and let Niffty have the glass or something. This is too much sudden family bonding happening right now."

Husk: "Let me fucking empty one first." (starts chugging)

Vaggie: (SIGHS)

Charlie: "Right." (lowers kid to eye level) (her eye level, not vaggie’s) "Have you ever heard... of gummy worms?"

Cannibal Kid: "No. But I ate someone named Gary Wormwood once."

Charlie: "That's pretty close!"

Vaggie: "Sweetie, no it's not."

Charlie: "Vaggie, as the mothers, our kid's 'best so far' is always more than good enough for us, it's AMAZING."

Cannibal Kid: "He wasn't that great."

Angel Dust: "Leavin' totally mid Gary to rot somewhere back in creepy Cannibal Town, what's the name of your own sweet little murder baby?"

Vaggie: "..."

Charlie: "...."

Vaggie: "Uh.... Charlie, are you gonna...?"

Charlie: "I mean you're the one who clicked with them, I thought you'd be doing the big introductions!"

Vaggie: "I'd love too, sweetie, but I don't actually... y'know."

Charlie: "What?"

Vaggie: “…um.”

Angel Dust: "...you don't know their fuckin' name, do ya?"

Charlie: "WHAT!?"

Vaggie: "It, it never came up! I thought I'd find out when you said it!"

Charlie: "I THOUGHT I'D FIND OUT WHEN YOU SAID IT, TOO!!!"

Angel Dust: "Oh fuck me with a plastic dick- Neither of ya's gay morons know's the kid's name???"

Cannibal Kid: "It's Annie."

Charlie: "!! ANNIE IM SO SORRY MOM WILL NEVER NOT KNOW YOUR NAME EVER AGAIN-"

Annie: "Short for Annabelle."

Hotel Crew: “……”

Vaggie: "....like, Annabelle the… cannibal?"

Annie: "Tragically."

Charlie: "Oh but that's. A. Lovely name."

Annie: "My dead parents thought they were both really funny." (flat stare) "They weren't."

Angel Dust: “Sucks to be you, kid. Sorry ‘bout your old man and lady.”

Annie: “It’s okay. They didn’t own a hotel.”

Charlie: “Ahhaha! This is a horrible thing to say, but- I feel like your FIRST life changing experience with us will be learning the true meaning of family!”

Annie: “Since you’re the princess of hell, what does that make me?”

Vaggie: “A normal kid who’s mom is princess of hell.”

Annie: “Dang.”

Angel Dust: “Oh I’m gonna LOVE bein’ your uncle! You’ve got piz-zazz don’t ya~?”

Annie: “No.” (pulls Razzle out from under their coat) “His name’s Razzle.”

Angel Dust: “That ain’t exactly what I meant-”

Annie: “I know. I was just being funnier than you.”

Husk: “Ha! Now this is MY kinda kid!”

Angel Dust: “Yeah sure whatever, I’m still gonna be a waaay cooler uncle than you, so… uhhh… Vaggie-boner, why’s your girlfriend making that noise?”

Vaggie: “The ‘eeeeee’ing?”

Angel Dust: “Yeah.”

Vaggie: “It’s one of her happy sounds.”

Angel Dust: “What the fuck is she so happy about. Didn’t she get over the whole burst of motherly endorphins thing while signin’ adoption papers over in Eats-your-face-burg?”

Vaggie: “I mean, you did kinda just make it sound like you think of her as family.”

Angel Dust: “Of course you gays are family! What the fuck???”

Husk: “….you fucking idiot. Now you’ve made them both cry.”

Niffty: “I wish that was meeee…”

Annie: “I think they’re tears of joy." (dabs tear on finger and tries it) "Tastes like it, anyway. Too sweet.” (pulls face) "Blegh."

Niffty: “Emotional pain from the AGONIZING realization of everything that’d been CUT AWAY FROM YOU LIKE A KNIFE TO YOUR HEART at the same moment someone VIOLENTLY SHOVES a brand new PAINFULLY BEATING HEART into the EMPTY CAVITY that used to hold your BRUTALLY CRUSHED DREAMS… can be fun too…”

Angel Dust: “….”

Husk: “….”

Annie: “Aunt Niffty, you’re so cool.”

Niffty: “Really!? I’m also gonna let you play with KNIVES!!!”

Angel Dust: “-no, no you won’t. No. Both of ya’s listen carefully- the word of the day is ‘N’… ‘O’.”

Annie: “Knife starts with a ‘K’.”

Husk: “He wasn’t spelling knife.”

Annie: “He could've been if he’d started it with a ‘K’.”

Charlie: “YOU ALL ALREADY S-SOUND JUST LIKE A FAMILY WAAAAAGH!!!”

Annie: "So is this the true meaning of family?"

Vaggie: "It's....close enough."

Annie: “Okay. I like it here, tall mom. It’s soggy, because you’re crying on me, but it’s nice.”

Charlie: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- YOU CALLED ME M-MOM-”

Vaggie: “There-there, sweetie. Maybe try to not break our kid’s eardrums on the first day?”

Husk: “You’re still crying out of your one fucking eye-”

Vaggie: “Shut up.”

[doyouknowhowtowaltz]

WOAH! This is absolutely fantastic!!! Thank you so much!! I'm absolutely honored you drew a scene from one of my fics!

I did a drawing based on @doyouknowhowtowaltz s fanfic named woodwind, it’s a super amazing fic and I’d recommend reading it. I know the fic was a bit more spicy then it looks in the drawing soz but I had absolutely zero idea on how to do that lol

Sorry for the lack of background, I’ve always had trouble drawing the beast with good expressions but I think I did okay with this one x hope y’all like it xx

[ivyithink]

oh my gosh i neeeed to here more about your thoughts behind the reversed ages AU art!!! i love it & am very intrigued

First of all, thank you so much, I’m so happy you like it!! Also, no idea if you’re the same anon who have already once gotten a whole little essay about this self-indulgent little au of mine, but just in case: there are quite a few of my thoughts about it on this ask (and in the tags), in case you’re curious/haven’t come across it/I mention some of them here in passing!

Now, about/around that last piece in particular!

- my pose doodles inspired it, like I said, kinda giving shape to the idea (that I vaguely had before) of louis being the first one to develop a crush in this au, unlike the canon

- they’ve been friends for some time by that point + louis is the reason for lestat’s turning, claudia didn’t want him

- after lestat’s turning they are practically joined at the hip, though not without some fights, especially in the beginning

- lestat doesn’t notice being crushed on by his bestie because 1. he has a lot going on right now/generally quite self-centered + he’s a teenager/very young adult c’mon; 2. louis’ actually pretty good at all that repression business, that’s going nowhere, unfortunately

- claudia notices immediately, smokes a pack of cigarettes and rage-fills half of her latest diary with curses and complaints

- lestat actually loves louis a whole fucking lot too, obviously, just not like that atm; considering their circumstances, he sees louis as a permanent fixture in his immortal life (same as claudia, though he’s much less happy about that), and so doesn’t really have any reason to think too much about the intricacies of their relationship

- louis doesn’t act on his feelings (internalized homophobia babyyyyy), and it all gets so so sooooo much messier when he starts fooling around with jonah eventually, and lestat truly falls in love for the first time with nicky (because again, I definitely wanna keep this bit of storyline, it’s too good, The Drama, the feelings)

Mmmmm, enough for now, me thinks. Here, have a doodle as a reward for reading all of that!

Translation from Ukrainian!

Claudia (out of frame): LESTAT. Why did I hear about two vanished priests again?

Lestat: What, is it my fault that they fit all your criteria perfectly?

C: … I will lock you in your coffin and drown you in the swamp.

L: Yeah, right.

Mental conversation between the lads:

Lou: Just promise her this is the last time.

Les: This is 100% not the last time.

[coffee-colored-hopeless-romantic]

Your octane story is cute! Could you possibly do a short story for Elliot? With maybe a non legend? 🥹

Thank you!! Of course! 🥰

Mirage/Elliott x Fem!Reader

Warnings: none! This is mostly fluff with a suggested smut. 💕

You were going to photography school, it was the one thing you could see yourself doing for a long time without getting tired of it. Finally the end of the semester was nearing and your final was to go to a red carpet event for the Apex Legends. Get some good shots, which would prove difficult due to the sheer amount of paparazzi present. But you managed to not only get awesome pictures of the Legend Mirage but you got to interview him!

That’s how you two met. Now, somehow he was your boyfriend. Dating Elliott Witt was a dream, he would dedicate some wins to you and would always somehow bring up “my girlfriend y/n” into almost every interview. Nobody knew your face and you preferred it that way, you didn’t want that publicly.

It had been months since you lay saw him in person. The only interactions you got were calls, texts and FaceTime. Which were great but you missed his hugs, his cooking, his kisses, and the snuggles. You and Elliott hadn’t gotten intimate yet due to his boundaries. He was uncomfortable with the idea of having sex when you hadn’t been together that long, his heart couldn’t take giving someone that side of him if they were only going to break up. But you’ve been dating for 6 months now. Sure you haven’t been physically together most of that time but he’s visited you a handful of times.

Gosh you missed him, you decided to see when the next event was and maybe surprise him there. You found the dates and immediately booked a spot to be right next to the carpet. Getting excited you packed the moment it was final and headed out for the airport when it was time. You kept texting Elliott as if nothing had changed, saying you were doing projects and that you were gonna be a little busier than usual so replies might be slower. He didn’t mind of course, sending encouraging words and gifs, mostly of himself. You laughed and couldn’t wait to finally be in his arms again.

You landed and made it to your hotel, plopping onto the bed in your room. The event was tomorrow! You had to get on something he liked. White button up shirt with a little vest on to show your shape and his favorite jeans that you owned. It hugged your body and showed all his favorite bits. That was the perfect outfit. You could hardly sleep that night you were that excited, but you slept and woke up bright any early to shower and get ready. Everything was perfect, your hair and makeup were on and you made sure to use a lip stain so you didn’t leave little marks on his face, not that he would care. He’d wear them with pride.

You got a ride to the event, camera in hand to blend in and snag some pictures of the other legends on the carpet while you waited. Soon enough they began walking one by one down the way and you finally saw your man. Mirage himself. He was walking with a clone of himself and they were ‘complimenting’ each other before ‘noticing’ the paparazzi. “Oh! Hey! We didn’t see you there. How’s it goin’!” His clone vanished and he began to smile and pose for the camera. His iconic finger guns and winks. He was so handsome in his legends outfit.

“Mr. Witt! Can I get a shot over here?” You call out.

“Well that’s a fancy way to get my attenti-“ he turns to look at you and the moment you locked eyes his expression went from his usual expression for the camera to a wide eyed smile. “W-WHOA! It’s you! You’re here! Like actually here! Unless you pulled a me, but wait.. you can’t do that. Y/N!!” He rushed over to you and lifted you over the rope barrier and hugged you. The embrace was so warm and his musk was stained on the uniform he wore. You nuzzled into him trying to soak it up. He pulled back and kept his arm around you. “This is my girlfriend!!” He shouted proudly. You felt a blush creep onto your face and you looked up at him. “Isn’t she just amazing!!” He laughed and looked at you, not caring about the cameras for a moment and kissed you right there. You almost rested up when you felt his lips on yours. You were home. “Gosh I missed you..” you whispered and he smiled and pulled your hands up, kissing your knuckles. “I missed you a whole much.” Elliott was known for stumbling over his words but right now he was calm and he knew what he wanted to say to you.

Once the event was done and over with you reconnected and he introduced you to everyone. You were happily greeted by most of them, a lot of em teasing Elliott for landing someone so pretty and all he could do was agree with them. He took you back to your hotel and you guys ordered in, watched a movie and cuddled the whole time. You at one point started to kiss on him which of course turned into a makeout session on the bed. Straddling him as his hands rested on your hips. You could feel him get excited but you didn’t do anything about it, not wait to push his boundary.

He pulled back, catching his breathe and red on his cheeks. “C-could we. Uhm.. Yaknow. Do the thing..? O-only if you want!” There’s his stumbling. “Baby, are you sure?” You ask, making sure he was positive. “Yes! I’m so sure, very sure, extremely s-sure! I just I missed you a lot and I really want to be.. uh… closer?” Poor guy was a mess. You kiss him deeply and began to take off your clothes.

The rest of the night was filled with love and closeness between you two. Finally together again.

[battorlstuff]

Philiph

Story Idea - Lovals (training ) 

David called me a few days ago, he told me about his situation and I decided to help him, I couldn't resist the money either.

All I had to do was ruin the body and appearance of a stud that lived in his building so I hit the road. When I saw him, I immediately knew why David was so jealous of the guy.

I did what he ask me, the 10 thousand dollars would be worth it. I sent an email and left advertising outside the department, private classes, I made him believe that he had won a one-year subscription to the program and would have free private sessions for all that time.

"Hey you must be Philip"

We greeted each other, his smile was charming and his delicate but manly face got me.

"It will be great to have the gym so close, I usually go to GYMgreeks about 30 minutes from the building."

"Oh I'm glad to hear your enthusiasm, now let's start I have another class in a few hours" that was not true but I had to avoid any suspicion.

I made him take off his shirt and gosh the guy was hot. His body was a wonder to behold his shoulders were big but not too big and he kept his triceps nicely defined, his biceps were the best part of his arms he worked them pretty hard and well and the training was noticeable, they were big, but not exaggerated, always maintaining the perfect proportion, the veins bulged along his arms and his triceps stood out without even flexing them. His neck showed prominent veins and was thick leading to a prominent clavicle and a strong, jutting chest due to a toned pair of pecs which sat on top of a well-defined six pack, every muscle showing years of hard work, Philip didn't even have to pose or try to flex their abs to show them off.

The rest of his muscles weren't far behind, his broad back ended in a framed waist and a well defined lower back, it was impossible not to admire those incredible obliques that were joined below with his magnificent deltoids.

His legs were just lovely, his round, firm ass joined to a pair of muscular thighs. His legs were long and his calves were thick making him a perfect specimen with great condition and an excellent build for any athlete.

Damn what a shame, I have to ruin that beautiful body.

"Very good I see that you are in good shape but you could use to gain... a little muscle don't you think?"

"I don't know, I've never liked being that big," said Philip doubtfully, I would have to convince him.

"Don't you think your girl would like to see you more muscular" I squeezed his biceps and it spectacular, I had a great body myself but this guy was hot.

"Hmm I don't really have a girl" this would be so easy.

"Oh, come on someone like you must have many girls drooling over, any suitor?"

"Look at those abs! tell me that the girls in the building don't like to see you shirtless" I said feeling the beautiful and marked six pack, Philip just smiled stupidly it was clear how proud he was of his body and his good looks, bingo, it was done .

"Oh well there's a girl, Camille lives in the building, but she's not in town, she went on exchange a couple of weeks ago and won't be back until the end of this year."

"Then let's surprise her, you'll look better than ever when she comes back, it'll be a <huge> surprise."

The boy did his normal training, he was really in good condition, I told him I would make some changes and I stopped him before he left.

"This supplement is the best of the best, a shake after each meal even at night if you do want to increase muscle."

"Sure, and as for the exercises, what will my routine be?"

"Don't worry, when you come tomorrow I'll have everything ready."

First week (175 lbs)

Philip actually felt his muscles grow, he was more robust and his biceps increased in size. The muscle mass was actually the beginning of his new body, the fat from the shakes began to accumulate in his muscles, deteriorating them.

Second week (179lbs)

Philiph had started to lose definition, mainly in his abs, his arms looked spectacular but Andrew knew that Philip's muscles were already accumulating fat and soon they wouldn't look like this. In addition, his vision became blurred, it was strange, he felt scarred and weaker, even his appetite increased.

Third week (183 lbs)

He thought he was getting stronger lifting the weights more easily, little did he know that Andrew had planned everything well, actually Philip was decreasing the weight he was carrying no matter the size of the discs or the number written on the dumbbells, Andrew had in charge of everything The shake contained a drug that would make Philip tired quickly and keep him in a sleepy state so that he wouldn't notice the change in his body for a few months, when it would be too late to do anything about it.

First month (225 lbs)

For Andrew it became an easy task, it was rather erotic seeing the handsome jock go to the pot and turn into a pig ruining his perfect body. While Philip worked out, Andrew watched with satisfaction at the flab on the pretty boy's body, his previously firm and formidable pecs bouncing with every movement, where his six pack used to be just a flaccid roll of fat hung. Meanwhile Philip noticed that every time he looked in the mirror his vision was blurry, he felt heavy but he couldn't understand the number on the scale, maybe he was just more muscular, that should be it.

Second month (255 lbs)

The supplement had certainly done its job, Philip had lost all muscle tone now it was time to make him grow, the supplement would give him a voracious appetite, and David would take it upon himself to sabotage the pretty boy's diet, also at the end of the "treatment "Philip's metabolism would be so slow that he would never be able to lose the accumulated weight.

Those days David wanted to join in and fuck his rival a bit, so I gave Philip an "energy drink" full of the drug, he was so confused that he didn't notice that David was the one giving him the instructions.

Philip was really losing condition, running out of breath after a few minutes.

Three months later (290lbs)

Philip's pecs had already turned into moobs hanging over his new belly and Philip seemed unaware he was still drinking the shakes. Andrew suggested four jugs of the supplement per day, Philip obeyed his trainer without question.

In the mornings he was too hungry, he showered and dressed but never knew what he looked like, it was as if every time Philip tried to see his body or how much he weighed, his vision would blur and he would start to feel tired and sleepy, the only clue about his appearance were comments and compliments from Andrew about how strong he looked, he said he had never seen progress equal to his.

Andrew trained David after Philip's session ended, so he could see his rival's progress as he worked on improving his own physique while Philip's body was being ruined.

Seven months later (340 lbs)

Philip could no longer lift any weight weeks ago he struggled and almost passed out from the effort trying to lift dumbbells. There was nothing left, not a trace of the handsome and athletic stud he once was.

"Wow, I've progressed, but how many pounds have you put on this Andrew?" Philip asked naively still thinking that he was the same sexy guy who arrived seven months ago.

The handsome trainer just smiled, it was obvious that Philip was still affected by the supplement, he seemed more confused and clumsy than in the previous months.

Second week of the ninth month (410 lbs)

Finally, Philip woke up from the dream, that morning before going to the gym, he decided to try one more time to see himself in front of the mirror but this time he could see clearly.

Every trace of muscle he had left was gone. His abs had disappeared under a huge layer of fat, he could see nothing but rolls and rolls of fat around him, the huge belly hanging down. His belly rested on his thighs like a pale gelatinous mass, it was also covered in red stretch marks. that covered his round navel. He tempted his fingers over the gelatinous mass horrified to see what his enviable abs had become.

Philip watched in horror as his stomach lurched. He wanted to cry and scream, but then he looked at his thighs. They seemed bigger and softer, so much so that they clung together in huge fatty folds making his long legs look short.

His arms, the bulging veins and defined muscles that were his pride, were just pure fat, his biceps were gone and where his muscles used to be, the skin hung like misshapen folds that hung from being too flaccid to meet his lats well. , joining the part where their bibs used to be.

His big pectoral muscles were ruined, they were nothing more than oversized and greasy tits, they hung like two flaccid bags that were only supported by his flabby belly which was so big that it kept the new moobs of the once hot stud in place.

Desperately, Philip reached for the scale and climbed up, the little machine creaking and breaking under his weight, the dial marking random numbers until it went blank. Then, with a fluttering heart, he ran out of the apartment.

Before leaving he saw a note, he had been fired, hadn't been to the office in months, didn't even remember getting any calls, but no job, how come the rent was paid? Food? The cupboards were full, well maybe Andrew could help him.

He arrived at the entrance of the gym without a shirt showing his obese body covered in sweat, he was panting and his face was red from the effort and embarrassment. He had a run in with David on the stairs, it was humiliating, seeing how David made fun of him and Andrew was David's friend? Philip had to get answers. As he could and ashamed of his new body Philip put on his shirt having difficulty doing so.

Upon entering the gym Andrew was ready, preparing a shake in different jars, he only stopped when Philip came snorting.

"Sit down chubby, I think we should talk."

[antiquatedplumbobs]

Tag Game for Historical Simblrs!

I initially made this tag game over a year ago at a point when I felt like there were a lot of new people on history simblr I didn't know. I was chatting with some friends and thought now might be a good time to revive it!

1. What has been your favorite time period to play in or which one are you most excited for?

Right now I'm very excited for the 1920s, I have a lot of plans and some unique story lines I feel coming up. It's also feeling like I'll actually get there soon!

2. Do you have a favorite piece of historical cc? (CAS or BB)

Last time I did this I chose a BB piece so this time I'm going CAS, happylifesims recently made a victorian workers outfit with these adorable rolled sleeves and it just looks so good on guys. It's the current darling of my heart.

3. Who is your favorite sim currently?

Right now it's Willy, I'm really excited to get back into the Sewell's and really start exploring his story in earnest.

4. What is your favorite world?

Still Brindleton Bay, always has been, always will be.

5. Are you more gameplay or story focused?

I like to think I mix these two mediums pretty well, I plan big story arcs but tend to let gameplay influence day to day, and if something interesting gameplay wise happens I try to include it!

6. Do you like to play with pets in your historical saves?

I do! I think they add a really fun dimension to the family and are great for social needs.

7. What’s your biggest immersion breaking pet peeve with the game?

All the townies with the strangest colored hair and body types. And names. I just wish it wasn't all so discordant.

8. What’s your favorite in-game historical item? (CAS or BB)

I really like the items that came with the country kitchen kit, the bucket of fruit and vegetables just makes me so happy.

9. What would you like to see as a new pack or asset to the game?

I'm at the point where I just want a historical pack. I know it's not gonna happen, but gosh a girl can dream.

10. What pack do you think is invaluable as a historical simmer?

I think that Cottage Living is amazing all around, but I'd put Cats and Dogs second, perhaps tying with Get Together. They both have amazing BB and CAS and i prefer the worlds to Henford.

11. Do you have a favorite mod to enhance historical gameplay?

Mizoreyukii has a functional broom that works like a vacuum and it just makes my little historical simmer heart happy to see my sims sweeping away.

12. What’s your ideal family size for playing?

I like having enough to keep it interesting, but not so many that it's overwhelming. I think maybe five or six but obviously the ages influence things too.

13. Do you use poses?

I do! I like to use in game animations whenever I can because they feel a bit more lively to me, but sometimes you need to track down a pose or wrestle with blender to make one when you need something specific.

14. Do you use any overrides in your game?

Yes, I love overrides. I use moonsims historic book override, a mop override, a dish override, a fireplace light override, a dog leash override. Big on overrides here.

15. Do you, or did you, play off-the-grid during your game?

I usually don't, I find it a bit too limiting for what would have actually been historically possible at the time.

16. What lifespan do you play on?

A slightly tweaked version of normal, but some people have been sort of convincing me to potentially try a longer one.... We'll see...

17. What inspired you to start playing a historically?

A reddit post about the decades challenge, which was just a completely new way to think about playing to me. I'd never really done any kind of challenge before at all and I think the combo of passage of time, goals, and so much fun new cc just absolutely hooked me!!

See how my answers have changed in the past year and a half

I geared it towards historical simming, since that’s what I do, but please feel free to partake even if you’re not a historical simmer and just adapt for regular gameplay or whatever you do!!

I'm going to cast a wide net here with my tags @aheathen-conceivably @cowplant-snacks @simadelics @thistleflower-sims @carousel-of-sims @stargazingsims @gilded-ghosts @simming-in-the-rain @scythesms @surely-sims @historysims4 @sasaofastora @javitrulovesims and anyone else who would like to take part!

I really like these because it helps me get to know everyone I see on my dash and sometimes find new people to follow, so don't be shy about taking part!!

[cyazurai]

Sims Tag Game! <3

Tagged by @gorgosim! Thank you!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? I normally just let my sims die of old age, but I definitely have some favorites. My favorite from TS4 is being Consuming by the Mother. And my favorite from TS3 is jellybean plant - mostly because I love the color of the jellybean ghost, haha!

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis Mix! I will use an Alpha hair if the edit I'm doing works better with that, but otherwise I only use MM hair, and a mix of Alpha and MM clothes.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? No. I like to make them lose weight naturally if I want them to, if not? They're gonna just be like me.

4. Do you use move objects? I have a mod that makes it so move objects is always on, so yeah.

5. Favorite mod? Oh gosh... I have a lot of mods I can't live without, but for modern gameplay I gotta say the LGBTQIA+ mod by Lumpinou has changed my life. I don't have to choose my sims' orientations and genders anymore! Finally!

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? For TS4, the first pack I got was Get to Work.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? aLIVE, but that's because I think of it like "we're going live," like for TV and such.

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? I don't know if she's my absolute favorite, but one of my favorites is Ikari Karma, the founder I made for a RainbowSin legacy that I still haven't gotten around to:

9. Have you made a simself? Yes actually! She's the founder of my current NSB, though her traits are completely different from what my real ones are.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? Geek, Loner, Cat Lover, usually.

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Platinum blonde!

12. Favorite EA hair? The movie hangout stuff hair that's a side part and shoulder length. I put that on all my sims back when I was CC lite.

13. Favorite life stage?  Young adult probably - you can do the most things while still being young enough to have a lot of time left. Plus, this is the time when you can move spares out of the house, haha.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Definitely in it for the gameplay. Occasionally, I LOVE building, but I have to be in the right mindset for it.

15. Are you a CC creator? Sometimes! More mods than CC, though. I can't mesh to save my life, but I can make poses, CAS backgrounds, loading screens, and the occasional small mod.

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? Mmm yeah I'd say so! Maybe not a sim squad, but definitely some simblr friends.

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4)  I have the most fond memories of 3. If my computer was better, you'd have to suffer through a TS3 legacy from me too. 😌

18. Do you have any sims merch? I don't actually!

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? I do, but I don't post regularly. I want to, but every time I start to get more regular, things come up.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing?  Oh for sure. My first TS4 sims are not very good looking, and now I like them quite a lot. Can't say they're unique because I have same face syndrome, but I like them and that's enough for me.

21. What’s your Origin ID? Cyazurai

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator?  Ahh... that's so hard. For hair it's daylifesims, and for clothes it's Sifix.

23. How long have you had a simblr? Since early 2020 I think. I mean, I started posting sims stuff occasionally back in 2015, but I wouldn't consider myself a simblr until I started posting regularly.

24. How do you edit your pictures? Reshade + MS Paint or iPiccy. I'm not clever or rich enough for fancy programs.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? I think I want the Cool Kitchen Stuff next, because... ice cream.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Oh goodness. Probably Realm of Magic, because I use Spellcasters a LOT.

And I will tag @melsie-sims, @oswanily, @daisydezem, and @katmk36!

[sims-half-crazy]

Tag Game for Historical Simblrs!

Thank you @antiquatedplumbobs and @sasaofastora for the tag!

1. What has been your favorite time period to play in or which one are you most excited for?

Oh gosh... This is really going to take some thought. I have really enjoyed the 1890s because of the labor reform and industrial revolution aspects of the time, but there's also the 1920s and 1930s when there was a massive amount of science discovered and environmental damage that will affect future generations.

2. Do you have a favorite piece of historical cc? (CAS or BB)

I really love @linzlu's retro sinks, but I also can't function w/o a lot of @gilded-ghosts's outfits.

3. Who is your favorite sim currently?

 So it's actually little Gordon. His future is heavily inspired by my own interests and emotional events that shaped and altered me. I'm very excited to develop his story.

4. What is your favorite world?

I love all of them for different reasons, but Brindleton, Windenburg, and Granite Falls are probs my favorites.

5. Are you more gameplay or story focused?

I play the game to get to the good parts of the story I want to tell. Sometimes the game throws me for a loop though and I need to alter my story to fit the gameplay, but the story definitely drives a lot of how I play.

6. Do you like to play with pets in your historical saves?

I do, but not cats. I like having dogs, but I a dog person IRL so its just a natural fit. I miss the dog from Gen 0 but it hasn't felt right in the story to have a dog again.

7. What’s your biggest immersion breaking pet peeve with the game?

The weird outfits on the pets in Brindleton. I can't seem to find a mod or anything that will make pets not wear clothing.

8. What’s your favorite in-game historical item? (CAS or BB)

... Probably the boots from Vampires or the lace-up boots that came with GTW.

9. What would you like to see as a new pack or asset to the game?

I would like to see more free swim areas. The areas in Britechester and Sulani are cool, but Brindleton could use some free swim areas along the coast.

10. What pack do you think is invaluable as a historical simmer?

Obvs, Cottage Living, but I have to agree with Get Together or Vampires for their build mode items.

11. Do you have a favorite mod to enhance historical gameplay?

So many, but MCCC, Better UI, Better Exceptions, TOOL, BBB, Timeless, Home Regions, Language Barrier, and I know I'm forgetting some.

12. What’s your ideal family size for playing?

4-5 people. I hate when the dice dole out 5-6 children. I really dislike the new newborn phase and the toddler phase is something to just tolerate.

13. Do you use poses?

All. The. Time.

14. Do you use any overrides in your game?

I had a crib override at one point, but infants broke it.

15. Do you, or did you, play off-the-grid during your game?

I played OTG all through the 1850s to the 1880s. 1880s including plumbing being added. Electricity was added in 1890.

16. What lifespan do you play on?

I play on normal lifespan, but with the days in each stage altered slightly. In my game, 2.8 days equals 1 year; so some years are 3 days long and some are only 2. 28 days = 10 years

17. What inspired you to start playing a historically?

I have always loved history and learning about it. For about half a second during my junior year, I thought about becoming a history teacher until I remembered that I don't actually like interacting with most people. I have, thankfully, learned the skills to deal with people on a daily basis but some (most) days it's exhausting.

Thanks again for tagging me, this was fun! I’m going to tag @alainas-sims, @jenplayssims, @sims-through-the-decades, and @simadelics. 

[kindred-sims]

Tag Game for Historical Simblrs!

Thank you to the delightful @antiquatedplumbobs for tagging me! 💕

--

1. What has been your favorite time period to play in or which one are you most excited for?

From my own personal gameplay I did a while back, I really enjoyed the 1920s! I adore the fashion and music of that time period so that's always a fun one for me. For the Wakefields, I'm also equally as excited to do the 20s again, as well as the 1960s since I may or may not have a storyline in mind for it already (even if may be very far away, but it doesn't hurt to plan ahead). 👀

2. Do you have a favorite piece of historical cc? (CAS or BB)

Anything by @gilded-ghosts, particularly the Victorian Visions set. I absolutely adore Victorian era fashions and it just really scratches that particular itch for me so well.

3. Who is your favorite sim currently?

My lovely Josephine of course! Carrie as well, though, she may not be the heir for the 1900s (spoiler alert, sorry), but I do have quite a lot planned for her story that I'm very excited to explore.

4. What is your favorite world?

At the moment, its tied between Henford-on-Bagley and Brindleton Bay, though Windenburg is certainly a close contender. All three just really have the right feel for historical gameplay and I find myself coming back to them the most.

5. Are you more gameplay or story focused?

I try to keep a good balance of both, I'd say. Sometimes I try to plan a whole story ahead of time, but that doesn't usually work so well when the game decides it has other plans. So I mostly just try to work around it whenever that happens, but I don't mind! It gives me the chance to get creative and I always love having that chance.

6. Do you like to play with pets in your historical saves?

Yes! I make it a policy to try and give each generation their own pet(s), I feel like its only fair.

7. What’s your biggest immersion breaking pet peeve with the game?

I would say the sims constantly whipping their phones out, but thankfully I have mods to take care of that. The randomly generated townies, however, drive me nuts! I can't even begin to say how annoying it is when I'm trying to stage a scene in a public area and some pink-haired sim with a weird name walks by in the background, I truly cannot stand it.

8. What’s your favorite in-game historical item? (CAS or BB)

The cross-stitching kit that came with Cottage Living, if that counts! I actually got so happy when I saw that included with the gameplay, and I was obsessed with making my sims constantly use it. I just think its a cute little hobby for them to do and it really adds to the authenticity of the time period for me.

9. What would you like to see as a new pack or asset to the game?

Oh gosh, a horse ranch pack would actually be tons of fun, although I'm not sure what purpose horses would serve in a game that isn't open-world. I just think they'd be neat to have is all. A Victorian-themed pack would also be nice as well!

10. What pack do you think is invaluable as a historical simmer?

Cottage Living, for sure! That is, if you're starting off with/plan on doing a farm at any point. I purposefully waited for that one to come out before I even attempted my first decades challenge.

11. Do you have a favorite mod to enhance historical gameplay?

The Timeless mod by @pandorasimbox is always a good one, it definitely adds to the overall immersion for me!

12. What’s your ideal family size for playing?

However many sims I can handle at the time. I know realistically my households would be a lot bigger, but I also have my limits, you know? The most I'll probably do is six, but again, it really depends.

13. Do you use poses?

Only when I really have to! If I know a scene is going to be story-heavy, then I try to incorporate as many poses as possible, but other times I mostly just tend to stick to gameplay since admittedly, posing can get incredibly tedious at times.

14. Do you use any overrides in your game?

Too many to count! I don't know what I'd do without them, honestly.

15. Do you, or did you, play off-the-grid during your game?

I try to play off the grid up to a point, but it gets annoying sometimes when my sims are constantly forced to eat mushroom soup for the hundredth time or when I have to put a million candles just to see inside of the house. I'm at the point where I may just end up removing that lot trait, but we'll see.

16. What lifespan do you play on?

A slightly-modified normal! Since I'm usually playing a legacy, I try to keep things moving at a steady pace, though I'll admit I've gone back and forth between normal and long multiple times if I'm wanting to take my time with a particular storyline.

17. What inspired you to start playing a historically?

I think a lot of it mainly comes from my love of historical fiction. I was a wee bit of a history nerd growing up (still am, otherwise we wouldn't be here), was obsessed with American Girl novels, the Dear America books, you name it I read it. I also visited a lot of historical museums and battlegrounds and read a lot of biographical stories about important figures in history, as well as consuming historical themed movies and TV shows too (The 1970s adaptation of Little House on the Prairie in particular is one of my favorites). Although I don't think it ever occurred to me to try a historical gameplay until I discovered the decades challenge, and after reading a few of them I decided it was something I'd really love to do for myself. Eventually I'd love to branch out and do more historical themed stories and gameplay, but for now, I'm enjoying the Wakefields and what I have in store for them!

--

As far as tagging goes, I'm leaving this open to anyone else who might like to do this! ❤️

[dragonnan]

list 8 tv shows for your followers to get to know you ★ i was tagged by @disappearinginq

Psych - My first true obsession since the X-Files went off the air in 2001. My biggest obsessions of the past were all WELL before streaming was a thing which meant you HAD to be in front of the TV when it aired or you simply missed out. For example, I missed the final episode of the OG MacGyver. I didn't get to see it until I bought the complete DVD box set decades later. (special mention of Monk which led me to Psych back in the great days of USA Network)

Sherlock - I was late to the party and didn't start watching until after the last season ended. This is, since 2017, my biggest current obsession. I have a strong attachment to detective shows and can't believe how long it took to finally watch. I love, in particular, the portrayal of the characters by Benedict, Martin, Amanda, Mark, Louise, Rupert, and Una (rip).

Fullmetal Alchemist (OG and Brotherhood) - Same, @disappearinginq! My love for this world never ends! Like you there are things I love about both versions. The way Brotherhood developed characters and the wider world (plus the ending) are so so good!! Meanwhile the first series handled certain emotional episodes SO much better!!! I'm sure you know WHICH one in particular. This was also one of the only times I took part in a writing group to help develop the multi-arc vision of a writer who goes by Heathenesque. I didn't write much as most has been created by her but it was so much fun! It still exists on LJ, as well as Mediaminer and The Pit (FFN).

Cowboy Bebop - The first anime anything I ever saw. My brother-in-law had it on VHS back in the day and was watching it at our house. I took an interest and was immediately hooked. I have lost track how many times I've rewatched episodes and there's a reason its considered one of the best anime series created.

Good Omens - WE NEED SEASON 3!!! Entirely quirky and initially feels like just comedy. But my GOSH there is so much depth under the humor and it poses very solid questions about faith and religion as well as friendship, love, what being human means, etc. And that was just the first season. I'm still not emotionally recovered from season 2.

Star Trek - Again, like @disappearinginq I love this show - TOS, TNG, DS9, and Voyager. I even had them on VHS back when cassettes were sexy lol. Star Trek was one of my earliest fandoms and I had such a crush on Spock.

Doctor Who - Thank goodness for streaming cause I watch this on repeat aaaaaall the tiiiime!! I consider it a comfort show and I don't get tired of it no matter how often I rewatch. It may be packed with, often, silly effects (particularly early on) and deeply questionable science. But I also haven't cried harder from the most wrenching scenes and emotion it triggers.

My Foundation - I'm dedicating this last one to the shows that built the tastes I'd have as an adult: MacGyver, Simon & Simon, Hart to Hart, Remington Steele, Scarecrow & Mrs. King, The A-Team, Magnum PI, Airwolf, Blue Thunder, Beauty & the Beast, The Fall Guy, Knight Rider, Moonlighting, as well as Saturday morning cartoons, The Electric Company, and Sesame Street.

Tagging: @sgam76 @theleftpill @mrs-n-uzumaki @mamahanu @villaniouslyawesome @ceruleanmindpalace @copperplatebeech @ariaadagio @aelaer

[elsanna-shenanigans]

March/April 2023 Contest Submission #6: Nothing Stands Between Love and You

Words: ca. 2,000 Setting: mAU Lemon: no Content: n/a Song: Girl Can’t Help It by Journey

Anna was staring at her computer screen trying to think of words for her exam paper. Spring break was in a couple of days and this paper needed to be done before then. Elsa and she had a tradition of going on a road trip every year for the week of spring break. Just as Anna was about to shut her laptop, Elsa’s facetime ringtone was playing through her ears. Anna clicked the answer button. 

“Hey Elsa!”  

“Hello Anna. Are you ready and packed yet?” Elsa asked. 

“About that” Anna answered as she looked around her dorm room. There were clothes strown all over the place. Her bed, her desk where she was currently sitting, just clothes everywhere. 

“Anna seriously? We leave in one day. One day!” Elsa held up her index finger to emphasize the meaning of a single day. 

“I know I know. Just this paper needs to be done. Then I will pack. Promise.” Anna diverted the subject to her paper hoping that Elsa would forget her procrastination to pack. The look on Elsa’s face told her otherwise.  

“For your Intro to Philosophy class? You don’t even go to that class.” Elsa said matter of factly. Anna had point blank told her sister that she just didn’t go. 

“Yea well, I was posing an important philosophical question. If I don’t actually go to that class, will it still suck?”  

“Oh my gosh Anna, what does the paper have to be about?” Elsa chuckled. Only her sister would not go to a class about philosophy and use philosophy to get out of taking it. 

“The five most influential Greek philosophers. Professor Greta assigned us with our philosophers. I got Socrates.” 

“How long does the paper need to be?” Elsa asked. She had Professor Greta and knew the assignments could be long. 

“Twelve pages.” Anna groaned and ran her fingers through her hair. She was exhausted. “I’m eleven pages in though so it shouldn’t take too much longer.”  

“Good, call back when you’ve finished both the paper and packing okay?” 

“Okay, it should be within the next two to two and a half hours. I’m not missing spring break with my sister.” Anna stated and blushed a little. She saw Elsa had a similar blush on her face.  

Elsa cleared her throat, “I’ll leave you to your paper, and um, nothing stands between love and you.” 

“Nothing stands between love and you. Love you, Els.” Anna whispered and watched her sister end the call. Leaning her head back, closing her eyes and releasing a deep sigh, Anna readied herself to finish her paper. 

True to her words, Anna typed out the last sentence of her paper at the two hour and fifteen-minute mark. She took a picture of the page number, sent it to her sister with a fist pump emoji, and then sent the paper to the professor. Anna had to admit, she was pretty damn proud of herself. 

Now all Anna had to do was pack. This would be the first spring break that both sisters were nervous about. When Anna went to college across the state instead of in the same city where she had lived all her life, she was brave enough (after drinking at her first college party after the new year) to tell Elsa how she felt. The next morning Elsa called, and they had a long talk about how not to confess to your older sister that you’re in love with her over a drunk text. Elsa admitted that she felt the same and suggested they take things slow. Since both sisters knew almost everything about the other there was no time wasted with the ‘getting to know each other’ phase. Putting the last of her clothes in her suitcase, Anna wondered what this spring break would entail. It was their first one as a couple and no doubt they were both nervous. Seeing her cow stuffed animal that Elsa got her when she was sick immediately calmed her. She knew that Elsa loved her, and she loved Elsa. This trip would be one to remember for a lifetime. Anna made sure to set her alarm for the morning, knowing that Elsa would be up and already close to picking her up. After the exchanging of goodnight texts and ‘I love yous’ both girls fell asleep quite quickly. 

The next morning, Anna’s alarm went off way too soon for her liking. Groaning at the thought of getting out of bed but excited to see her sister and her girlfriend. Anna paused, thinking of Elsa as her sister and girlfriend was weird, but she loved it. Yawning one more time before actually getting out of bed, Anna couldn’t wait to see Elsa. They hadn’t seen each other since Anna went back after winter break. This would also be the first time seeing each other after confessing feelings for one another. Anna had picked out a special outfit for today and was certain her sister picked one out as well. Anna’s outfit included a green V-neck shirt to match her strawberry red hair, a pair of skinny blue jeans and her favorite converse sneakers. The last thing she grabbed was her cow stuffed animal. She knew Elsa would laugh but she wanted to bring it anyways. Anna got a text from her sister saying she was a couple minutes out. Looking around and making sure she had everything, Anna grabbed her suitcase and walked out the door. 

Both sisters smiled wide when they saw each other. Anna practically tackled Elsa in a bear hug. 

“I missed you too Anna.” Elsa laughed as she caught her footing to not fall from Anna’s hug. 

“Oh my gosh Elsa! This trip is going to be amazing!” Anna exclaimed.  

“Yes, it is, and if you don’t get in the car, we’re going to get there late.”  

“You always must be on a schedule?” Anna giggled but let go of Elsa and put her suitcase in the back seat. 

“I think you know the answer to that.” Elsa stated as she got back to the car waiting for her sister. 

“Yes, I know I know.  Also, I like your outfit. It suits you.” Anna blushed. The reality of having her girlfriend there wearing a white knee length dress with floral patterns hit her pretty hard.  

“Thank you, Anna, I like your outfit as well.” Elsa smiled with a twinge of pink on her cheeks. 

“This is good right? Like, us doing this?” Anna asked suddenly doubting herself and this whole situation. 

“As in us going on the road trip, or us as in us us?” Elsa questioned, wanting to make sure she understood Anna’s question clearly. 

“Umm both.” Anna whispered.  

It was clear that both girls were nervous about the trip. Elsa reached over and gently took Anna’s hand interlocking their fingers. 

“This” Elsa said while raising her and Anna’s hands up, “This is good, and this trip will be great.”  

Anna gazed over at her sister and knew she was right. She squeezed Elsa’s hand and smiled. The feeling that they both had with one another was pure love. Nothing and no one could stop them. 

“Alright! Let’s get this show on the road! Beach house here we come!” Anna exclaimed excitedly. 

“Yes, let’s.” Elsa giggled. No matter how serious the moment was between the two of them, whether it be nerves, or self-doubt, she could always count on Anna to make her laugh. That’s what she loved most about her sister. Always having the ability to make people laugh with her quick wit and infectious laugh. But Elsa was biased of course. Turning the radio on as she pulled out of the college campus, there was nowhere she would rather be than right here with Anna. 

The drive took about five hours with two bathroom stops, and a snack stock up while getting gas. Anna was given control over the music and connected her phone. Elsa laughed at the way Anna would dramatically sing the songs that were meant to be sad or heartfelt. Of course, there were mostly upbeat pop songs that Anna ‘couldn’t get enough of’ and played that playlist over again. Elsa forced her to change the music, or they would have to listen to Elsa’s musicals. Anna loved her sister, she really did, but she didn’t want to be forced to listen to Hamilton for the next two hours.  

When they arrived at the beach house, it was a little after dark, so they grabbed what they needed for the night and headed in. Both girls were a little nervous as this was the first time, they would be sharing a bed as a couple. They had shared a bed a few times when they were little but after Anna got over her nightmares at age seven, the sisters hadn’t shared a bed since. Both Elsa and Anna were quiet and wondering if sharing a bed would really be okay. The tension broke when Anna went to pick up her suitcase to take it to bed but forgot she opened it to get her phone charger out. Clothes, shoes, and wires of various kinds went everywhere. Elsa couldn’t keep in her laughter any longer and clutched her sides. Anna just stood still, very unamused. 

“Thank you for laughing at my pain.” Anna said, beginning to pick up her items. 

“What pain? The suitcase didn’t even hit you?” Elsa asked while wiping the tears from her eyes. 

“The pain of having to pick all this up.”  

“Like it’s my fault you forgot that you opened your suitcase.” Elsa chuckled as she bent down to help her sister. 

“Well, you’re older. You’re supposed to remember more.” Anna said, trying but failing at making this be Elsa’s fault. 

“Yeah, okay.” Elsa sarcastically teased as she gathered up the last of Anna’s things and placed them on the bench at the end of the bed. Elsa looked at her sister. Anna was exhausted. The trip wasn’t that bad, but Anna had woken up early, drank two energy drinks to keep Elsa awake, and now she looked a little worse for wear. Elsa decided it was time for bed. She pulled up the covers, got in bed, and motioned for Anna to do the same. “Come here” Elsa gently spoke. Anna scooted over to where her sister was, unsure of what to do next. Elsa wrapped her arms around Anna’s waist and pulled her close.  

Neither girl could see the other’s face, but the smiles and blushes they both knew they had on their own faces, were enough to tell them that this felt right. Anna turned around to face her sister. Elsa had a moment of bravery. She leaned in and kissed Anna’s lips softly. When she went to pull back, Anna stopped her by bringing her hand to lay on Elsa’s cheek. Anna kissed Elsa and both girls stayed there with their lips on one another’s for a while. Elsa was the first one to speak. 

“I love you. This week, I’m going to prove to you that I love you. That you deserve the world. More than the world. You are amazing in every way possible Anna, and I can’t imagine a life without you.” Elsa’s voice was barely above a whisper and full of such raw emotion. Elsa meant this. Elsa wanted this.  

Sniffling, Anna responded “I love you too Elsa. You deserve this too. You’re my world and I love you so much.” Anna’s thumb was running back and forth on Elsa’s cheek as she spoke the words, she knew in her heart, that this was the truth. They loved each other and nothing and no one was going to stop them. Anna looked into Elsa’s eyes and spoke the words that meant everything to them. “Nothing stands between love and you.”  

A tear ran down Elsa’s face as she repeated the words. “Nothing stands between love and you.”  

[jannah1721]

Love Trigger (Light - HeartThrob version)

This is a fanfiction, meaning that all events and occurrences in this story are all fictional and all are part of my imagination. Any resemblance to actual life events and people, living or dead, are all purely coincidence. I am not, in any way, affiliated to Snow Man members or Johnny’s Entertainment so I do not own the Snow Man members mentioned in my fanfiction.

=================

“AHHHH!”

Raul is startled by his tutor’s frustrated whine. “What’s the matter, Abe-sensei?”

Abe is pacing around the room while texting someone on his phone.

“The other cameraman at work suddenly got sick today so I was asked to cover for him. The project this time is in Okinawa and I have to fly there tonight! Gosh! This is so last minute! I don’t like this…Aghhhh!”

Raul chuckles. “Your work seems fun. You got free flight all over the country, got to explore lots of places, sometimes got free foods…It’s like holiday!”

Abe let out a tiny laugh before sitting down next to Raul. His panic slowly subsides. “Well, you only see the fun parts. Try to be in my shoes. You’ll experience how tiring travelling is on this job. Plus, my main job is as an editor. So I also have editing works to do afterwards. I’m sorry, Raul-kun. I guess you have to go back early today. I have to go to the airport in a few hours. Heck, I have to pack really quick! Huhuhu… I’ll text you again next week for tutoring times, yeah? Gomenne!”. Abe makes an apologetic hand pose.

Raul laughs lightly. “It’s alright, sensei. Thanks for explaining the Stormer’s Theorem today! I can now grasp the concept. I’ll see you next week!”

Raul packs his stuffs. Before he leaves, he told Abe, “Ahh! Don’t forget to get me some souvenirs too, OK?”

Abe pinches Raul’s cheeks. “You cheeky boy! Ok, I’ll get you something from Okinawa”.

“Hehe Yay! See ya, Abe-sensei!”

You are my love trigger

A dangerous flavor, but I want ya

Yeah

Abe managed to arrive at Haneda Airport on time. He met up with all his crewmates before they board the plane. Since the ticket was booked very last minute and the sick co-worker’s ticket is non-transferrable, he doesn’t get to sit with his crewmates. When he arrived at his seat, there was already a man sitting at the window seat next to him. This man is very fashionable; wearing all black – black leather jacket, black leather pants, black inner shirt and black loafers. Abe can also see a Fendi silver necklace and another Fendi bracelet on the man’s right wrist. The hair is slicked back, looking so smooth and shiny. Abe is in awe. He never saw someone this fashionable up close. Not even the influencers that he had worked with before.

Ohh a little background! Abe Ryohei, a 30-years old with a flaming passion for knowledge, is currently doing a part time PHD while working as an editor for a living. An influencer-driven media company which aims to promote Japan to a global audience took him in 5 years ago. The company acknowledged Abe’s ability to fluently speak in English to be advantageous for the company’s vision and mission. Thus, they offered him the job as soon as the interview was done. Since Abe is good in IT, he was given the editor position but in reality, the employees’ roles in this company are quite flexible. There are also cases where some of their staffs suddenly turned into online celebrities overnight. For example, there was this one time where an influencer had to pull out from a project very last minute and the company was not able to find another influencer as replacement. All appointments have already been finalized and the filming was scheduled to be done the next day. Albeit frustrated, some of the most talkative staffs decided to appear on screen and do the interviews, keeping professionalism. And Walla! When the video was released, it received very good feedback and unexpectedly got more views, which boost the popularity of the company in media platforms.

There are few other editors as well in the company and sometimes, if Abe is tired from doing editing all week long, he will ask his manager to give him administrative work instead, like researching for new Halal foods establishments then making appointments with the owners and stuffs like that. Like right now, he is replacing a sick cameraman so when he arrives at Okinawa later, he is expected to perform cameraman duties.

Talking about personal life, Abe had a breakup just 3 months ago, from an ex whom he dated for about 2 years. The man visibly had an inferiority complex, which resulted in him always throwing insults towards Abe to make himself feel better. The man was constantly anxious, knowing the fact that Abe is an educated man with a good job and is earning more, unlike him. He is also controlling, not allowing Abe to hang out with his friends in peace. Abe has realized the red flags 6 months into the relationship and he did try to breakup with the man sooner. However, the man will find ways to manipulate him to stay in the relationship. Abe had break down in front of the man 3 times! Abe yelled that he can’t tolerate his partner’s behavior anymore; he screamed at his partner for being mentally abusive and it’s affecting his productivity at work and study; and finally, he dejectedly asked for a breakup. However! Whenever Abe brought up the topic of breaking up, the next day, the man injure himself one time, another time he said that his grandmother passed away so Abe, being a sympathetic being, cannot leave him alone! The man will be nice to him for a week before the abusing cycle starts again. The third time, Abe had enough. He was no longer happy in a relationship that is supposed to be loving and warm. That day, the man saw Abe and his workmate talk and giggles at a train platform. They were invited to a launching event 5 stations away and it didn’t occur to Abe that he will meet his partner at the station at that time. However, Abe thought it was a blessing as this time, he can finally exit this relationship and his ex will have his spotlight moment getting break up in front of the public. So the ex approached them, pointing at Abe’s co-worker, accusing Abe of cheating. Abe screamed out whatever in his mind as loud as he can, attracting attention obviously. He shouts out how abusive the ex is, about how Abe tried to put up with his bullshit for a long time, going into details about each abusive moments he remembered and now, he wants, no, NEEDS a breakup for real. The ex, looking uncomfortable with all the attention on him, fell down to his knees, begging for forgiveness. Abe ignored him and dragged his co-worker, who was visibly startled, quietly standing beside him all this while, into the next train that arrived. Inside the train, Abe promptly blocked all communication with his ex. He has been living so much better ever since.

Hmm? What about Raul? So Raul is…The son of Abe’s mother’s best friend. He is currently in college, majoring in Mathematics. Since Abe also major in Mathematics during his undergraduate study, Raul’s mother reached out to him to tutor her son. Abe is more than happy to help. Not only is he able to share his knowledge, he also receives extra pocket money for his service. Plus, Raul is an easy kid. The kid is so polite, able to absorb information quickly and the type that doesn’t hesitate to debate if he finds a certain theory to be different from what he understood, which is a trait that Abe respects him for. Abe will get to know the way Raul thinks, get to listen to his perspective, sometimes even realizing that he might be on the wrong side of things. They exchange ideas respectfully, without putting down one another. Abe really likes Raul and he believes his student will be an amazing scholar one day.

Anyway, back inside the flight: Abe greets the fashionable man next to him. When he gets to look at the man closely, he thought the man is breathtaking. He never saw someone this handsome and he told himself in his head, this man might be an online celebrity of some sorts. They only exchange a “Hello” out of courtesy and then going back to doing their own things.

The plane departs Tokyo exactly at 8pm. It will take approximately 2hrs 40min to reach Okinawa.

Before I knew it, my thoughts are all about you

Without realizing, this Feeling is overflowing

The popular Love song I heard on the street

It won’t leave my head, I don’t know why

The melody that won’t let me sleep

Abe is enjoying his book while listening to some classical music when suddenly, he feels the plane shakes. Hard. The plane is going through turbulence, the roughest he had ever experienced. He can hear some women screams out of fear and he admits, he is pretty scared himself. Abe goes from laying on his seat to hunching forward, due to anxiousness. His mind goes towards thinking all the negative things. He can’t help it.

Suddenly, a hand comes and grips his right hand. He comes eye to eye with the man next to him. The man has a gentle expression on his face, as if to calm him down.

“Don’t worry. This won’t last long. Everything will be fine. If you don’t believe me, just look at the stewardess. If they don’t show any panic, then we don’t need to get panic. They know better. Trust me.”

Abe’s anxiousness instantly dissipates into thin air. The man also has a gentle voice that’s very pleasing to the ear in addition to his impressive persuasion skill. Abe trusts him. And they keep holding hands until the bumpiness stops a few minutes later.

Once the situation calms down, Abe thanked the man beside him. The man answers with “No problem” before he slides back comfortably into his seat, crossing his arms, then goes back to sleep.

About another 45mins, they safely landed at Naha Airport.

Don’t be shy. As you are, Follow me

I won’t be able to say that Word afterall

Mystery, no matter what I do, I can’t reach your Philosophy

[2 weeks later]

“Welcome!”

Abe enters his favorite local cafe. The barista gives him a knowing smile.

“Good morning, Abe-san! The usual?”

“Good morning, Watanabe-san. Yes, please. And I would like to also order a tuna toast today”.

“Got it! Your total is 780Yen”. Abe hands the exact amount. “Thank you. Please have a seat. I’ll deliver your order soon!”

Watanabe Cafe is fairly new, only opened about 2 years ago. Abe accidentally stumbled upon the cafe after finishing his job near the Nakameguro area. He decided to roam the neighborhood a little more before he went back home. Watanabe Café has a list of “The benefits of coffee for your skin” on the board near the entrance door where usually, there will be a list of menu on it. Abe was intrigued by this weird marketing and decided to enter. He found out that the owner, Watanabe-san is a skincare enthusiast and a coffee lover. Which explains the list of the board outside.

Now, Abe visits this café at least three times a week. He likes the cozy atmosphere of the café and the smell of fresh coffee. It’s just a small café so there is not too much noise. Watanabe-san also plays classical music inside the cafe, which is a plus point for Abe personally. The interior design is a mixture of modern and European classic. The café had checkerboard flooring with some areas even carpeted, two lite casement with circle top windows, different kinds of wooden table paired with wood shell chairs and some uplifting quotes on the wall. There is one section near the back of the café where there is a fake flowers and vines wall décor where lots of customers will take photos for their social media.

Watanabe arrives to Abe’s seat with his orders, Watanabe’s special café latte and tuna toast.

“Enjoy~”

Abe’s favorite seat is near the big window overlooking the garden outside. This café is not located at the commercial street but near to the residential area. Thus, there are not that many businesses around the café and the café have a little more space, even though it’s not really that big, for a garden. Watanabe-san grows different kinds of flowers and vegetables in the garden, which is a calming sight.

He takes a sip of his caffe latte. He hears a familiar voice. He looks up.

Abe tsk. It’s his ex, Juri! Oh my God! This is not a good start of the day.

Abe takes out his phone and pretends to be busy. He doesn’t want his ex to see him or to approach him in any way so he keeps his head down. He prays that Juri won’t see him and just take away his order or something.

Unfortunately, the universe doesn’t answer his prayer.

“Ryohei?”

Abe curses in his head. He looks up, trying to be as emotionless, before he speaks, “Oh, Hello”.

Juri invites himself to sit down at the seat opposite Abe with a cup of the similar caffe latte in his hand. Abe squirms in his seat, expressing his discomfort. “You should not talk to me. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore”.

Juri puts his head down, as if expressing regret; tries to reach out to hold Abe’s hand, but Abe slaps the hand away. Juri sigh in desperation. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m aware that you felt hurt by what I did. And I deeply regret it. For real this time! The fact that you’re still alone here today means that you’re still single, right? Why not we start over? I swear that I’ll be a good and understanding partner this time! I will not fail you. I promise!”

Abe rolls his eyes. “Stop it! This is not the first time I’m hearing this! Guess what? The last time you said this to me, surprise surprise! You hurt me again! And again and again! Just drop this conversation. Let the past stay in the past. We’re done. You should find someone else who matches you better”.

At this moment, only the two of them are inside the café as customers so Watanabe-san, can clearly heard their conversation. Abe manages to see Watanabe-san staring at them for a brief moment, before he goes into the kitchen.

“I can’t, Ryohei! My mind is so full of you. I realized what a fool I am after I lose you. I was unable to reach you by phone or social media messengers. I guess you have blocked me and I deserved it. Please, Ryohei! You have to believe me this time! As long as you’re still single, I won’t give up on you!”

“Oh yeah? What makes you think that I’m still single?”

“What?!”

Abe turns his head to look out the window. His eyes widen.

He sees that handsome man, who sit beside him on the plane last 2 weeks. That man is currently in white shirt and blue slacks. He also wears a bandana on his head, rubber latex gloves on his hands and he is also holding a hoe.

“I’m dating a gardener”, Abe suddenly blurts out.

There was a pause. Before Juri laughs aloud.

“Seriously? A gardener? Come on, that’s a downgrade, Ryohei! For real?”

Abe smirks. “Do you hear yourself? You are disrespectful to the kind people who did all this noble jobs. He might not earn as much but he’s thoughtful and selfless. I’m very much happy in my current relationship so please…just forget me. Just think of me as a parasite or a villain or anything, I don’t care! I don’t want to get involved with you anymore. Please…”

Juri stands up, then exit the café in a rush, without a word.

“Thank you! Please come again!” Abe can hear Watanabe shouts.

Abe let out a sigh of relief.

He looks outside again. The gardener is now can be seen pruning some twigs. Abe thought about how good looking the man is, even with gardener outfit on.

Once Abe finishes his meal, he goes up to Watanabe first before exiting the café.

“Umm…This might be a strange question…But do you happen to know the gardener outside?”

“Ahh~ If you’re asking me if I know him personally, then no. I recently thought I should give the garden a makeover. I plan to extend the café to have outdoor seatings too so the garden has to be pleasing for customers. It might also attract passerby to stop by. Anyway, I acquired a service from Zarigani Landscaping 3 days ago and he is the gardener assigned to beautify my garden. He did an excellent job so far. He introduced himself as Meguro. But that’s all that I know. By the way, I heard everything just now. I hope things will get better for you”.

Abe scratches the back of his head in embarrassment. “Ahh…I’m embarrassed that you have to witness that. But thank you. I’ll come back soon, yeah!”

“See ya, Abe-san!”

Abe catches a glimpse of the gardener’s back. Then he goes his merry way.

Babe, baby, babe

Say my name, Say my name

Babe, baby, babe

Say my name darling

“Abe-sensei”

“Hmm?”

Raul hands Abe an invitation card. “My brother is getting married next week. My mother asked me to give this to you. Your whole family is invited”.

Abe scans through the beautifully printed card. “Ohh? Hokkaido?”

“Yeah. My soon to be sister-in-law is from there”.

“Ahh I see. Thanks! I’ll let my family know and if everyone is available, we will be there”.

“Hehe ok! But even if only some of you are available, please do come, yeah! Your family is already like an extended family of ours. My mom is so excited to introduce your family to our soon to be in-laws”.

“Haha! Your mom is the one who’s most excited, heh? She’s so cute”.

“Of course! She’s suggesting my brother lots of wedding stuffs as if it’s her wedding”.

“Hehe It’s the first marriage in your family after all. Alright! Back to our tutoring session! Have you solved the equation?”

“Yes, sensei! Is this correct?”

Raul presents his answer sheet full of mathematical formula for Abe to check.

[2 days before Raul’s brother’s wedding]

There is no tutoring session for Raul this week and the next as his family had to fly to Hokkaido for the wedding preparation. Seems like the stars are aligned. Because Abe has to fly to Hokkaido today for work. His other family members will arrive at Japan’s northernmost island tomorrow and he will meet them at the hotel that his family has booked. Today, he will fly with his workmates and stay at an accommodation provided by the company they’re working with.

Abe and his team are sitting near the boarding gate area, waiting for it to open. They are chatting about things to do when they arrive at Hokkaido later.

“Yes, yes…No worries…Yes, it’s here with me…”

Hmm? Abe knows that voice. He turns his head towards the direction of the voice.

What a coincidence! It’s the gardener! And his flight seat mate during his previous flight!

As if the man could hear his inner voice, the man turns his head, facing Abe directly.

Both of them widen their eyes in surprise. Abe just nods his head in acknowledgement and the man replies with a sweet smile and raises his right hand in acknowledgement too.

Abe analyzes the man up and down. Today, the man is wearing a denim set. Denim jacket with a white shirt, denim jeans, black sport shoes and a black bucket hat. He has a quilted jacket in his hand as well as a duffel bag. Ahh How fashionable!

Ehh? Why is he coming here? Oh my God! Is he coming towards me?

To the left of Abe, there is one empty seat. His team sits to his right and some, opposite him. The man sits down next to Abe and puts his right hand out, expecting a handshake.

“Hey! We meet again for the same flight!”

Abe accepts the handshake. “Yeah! What a coincidence! What are you doing in Hokkaido?”

“Ohh I’m attending a cousin’s wedding this Sunday. Since I’m a close relative, I’m expected to help them with the preparation so I come early. How about you?” “Ahh I see. I’m here with my colleagues for work”, Abe points at his team. Some of them reacted and give a nod.

Meguro nods. “I see. What’s your seat number? Are we going to be seat mates again today?” He playfully asks.

“Ahh I don’t think so. I’m sitting with my team this time. The last time, my ticket flight was booked at the last minute so I wasn’t able to sit with them”.

The airport staff announces the opening of the boarding gate.

“Ahh~ If we meet each other somewhere in Hokkaido, that’ll be cool. If you do spot me, don’t be shy to come up to me yeah! Nice to meet you, Mr…?”

“Abe. Abe Ryohei”.

“Abe-san, ne? I’m Meguro Ren. Well then, have a good day, Abe-san!”, Meguro stands up.

“You too, Meguro-san!”, Abe waves. Meguro waves back and gets in line to board.

Abe’s colleague who is sitting to his right pulls his arm excitedly. “That guy is so handsome! If you do meet him again, introduce him to me please!”

“Shh! We don’t know if he’s still single or already taken. By the way, didn’t you just have a new boyfriend 2 weeks ago?”

The colleague pouts. “Heh~ it’s not wrong to just be friends, right?”

Be friends. Yeah, Abe would like that too.

And if they had a little more time to chat just now, he would’ve mentioned that he saw Meguro one other time before. In front of Watanabe’s Café.

There’s no turning back anymore

Be my girl – the heart won’t lie

Honey Imma make you mine

Hold you tight right now

Can you give me one more night?

Let’s get it now

[D-day Raul’s brother’s wedding]

The wedding takes place at the bride’s family residence. It is a mansion, verbatim. The bride’s parents are both well-respected doctors and even the bride herself work in a similar medical field. Abe’s family is in awe, of the venue and the guests that arrived. Abe spots many familiar faces. Very respected scholars, government officials, professionals in various fields, celebrities and even some well-known sports player. He feels so small and out of place.

“Julian found a partner from a respected family. So lucky!”

Abe’s mother already blurts out what is on his head.

Abe’s family were greeted warmly and Raul leads them to their seat.

The wedding ceremony is held inside a ballroom. Every guest is seated on a seating plan of round table with 8 seats. Since there is only 4 people in Abe’s family, they sit together with another family of 4, a guest from the bride’s side.

The wedding runs smoothly. Abe is overwhelmed by feels upon experiencing a very emotional event. When both the groom and the bride finished with their wedding vows, and the pastor can be heard saying “I shall now pronounce them husband and wife”, an intense rush of emotion overcame him, his heart throbbing seeing the joy in both the groom and the bride. So much love in the air. He was so much happy for Julian. It was overall, a very beautiful wedding.

It is now the cocktail hour before dinner is served. Light snacks are brought out at this time and guests mostly used this time to mingle around while the groom and bride with their families went for photograph session. Abe’s parents are already socializing and his brother also has gone to meet one of his high school classmates so Abe decides to go to the food stalls to get some snacks. While he was browsing, he heard someone called his name. “Abe-san?”

He turns around. Ahh…No way this is a coincidence again. The universe is surely trying to tell him something by sending this man to him over and over.

“Meguro-san? What a pleasant surprise! Umm…what is your relation with this family?”

“Ohh I am the groom’s cousin. What about you?”

“Ahhhh I see. I am Raul’s tutor”.

Meguro looks like he just realized something. “Ohh! Your mom and my aunt are best friends, correct? Rau told me”.

Abe excitedly responds with a “Yes!”

“Hehe it seems that fate has brought us together for a few times already. Perhaps we are meant to be friends, Abe-san. Do you like the idea of that?”

*Kyun!*  Abe’s heart throbs.

“Sure! I thought the same thing too! Let’s get to know each other then!”

They both giggle.

“Ren! Come on, Julian called us for photoshoot!”, shouts a young man who looks almost similar to Meguro.

Meguro sighs. “Ok, I’ll be there soon!” He looks back at Abe. “Ahh That’s my brother by the way. I hope you’ll be staying till the end…?”

“Yeah! Plus, your aunt will not allow us to leave the event early”, Abe jokingly states.

Meguro laughs. “Haha Nice! I will see you later, ok? Enjoy the foods!”

With that, Meguro left.

Leaving Abe with a familiar sensation that he hasn’t been feeling in a while.

You are my love trigger

A dangerous flavor, but I want ya

The moment our eyes met

I’m Going crazy

Going crazy for you, oh God

I’m craving for your love

The wedding couple re-enter the ballroom after about an hour. It is now reception time and after the toasts, dinner is served. After dinner is the ballroom dance. This is the next time Abe and Meguro see each other again. Abe goes up to a young lady in a beautiful blue dress to invite her for a dance as his mother keeps pushing him to find a lady to dance with. At the same time, Meguro invites a lady in a red dress to be his dance partner. Abe and Meguro meet at the dance floor. Even though they are dancing with their respective partners, their eyes are glued to each other. Without each other’s knowing though.

The final event of the night is the bouquet toss. A lady in her late twenties successfully receives the bouquet on her hands. After the Grand Exit, the guests start to leave the venue one by one.

Meguro is standing near the ballroom exit. He greets Abe’s family when they are about to leave.

“Thanks for coming!” But Abe notices that Meguro is giving him a stare a little too long.

“Ahh Mom, Dad! This is Meguro-san, Raul’s cousin”.

“Ohh? You’re such a fine young man! It must be tiring handling a long day event like this. Everything is magnificent! We very much enjoy the food too”, Abe’s mother commented.

“I’m glad to hear that, ma’am”, Meguro bows in gratitude. “Umm…may I talk to your son for a moment?”

“Ahh! You guys can go ahead. I will be back later, ok?”, Abe interrupts.

Abe’s mother looks back and forth between his son and Meguro. “Sure. You guys have fun, yeah!”

“Thanks! Be careful!”

As soon as the backs of Abe’s family disappear from sight, he turns his head to Meguro. They both smile.

“Let’s go to the verandah. We can talk while enjoying the crisp night air”, Meguro suggests and lead them there.

They talk a lot. Aside from letting each other know basic things about themselves, Abe also talks about his work, briefly about his PHD thesis, and some of his funny, clumsy episodes which Meguro finds it hard to believe. Meanwhile from this conversation, Abe manages to observe Meguro’s infatuation towards Astronomy. Meguro points up to the night sky then explain to him the solar objects and constellations in very great detail, which Abe finds interesting. He also gets to know that Meguro loves designing and being in nature, which is why he works for a landscaping company. Abe finally told Meguro about seeing him at Watanabe Café. Meguro pouts. “You should’ve greeted me”.

Abe snickers. “Nahh~ I don’t want to disturb you”.

They didn’t realize they have talked for hours until they heard the grandfather’s clock inside the mansion chimes. Which indicates, it’s already midnight. They go inside and sure enough, the hallway is now quiet even though it is still lit up.

“Where do you stay? Let me send you back”, Meguro offers.

“L’agent Stay. One of the hotels near Odori Park. Umm…If it’s ok with you, then I shall take the offer”, Abe politely answers.

“Hehe it’s fine. We can have extra time to chat in the car”.

On the way to exit the mansion, both of them comes across a tired looking Raul. Or…upon closer inspection…A drunk, tired Raul. Abe is worried as Raul is swaying in his steps. Abe stops in front of him and holds his shoulders. “Raul-kun, are you alright? I’m afraid that you might faint anytime soon”.

Raul sluggishly hung both his arms on Abe’s shoulders. “Sensei? *hiccup* Where are you going? *hiccup* I have a confession to make… *hiccup* Will you listen to me? *hiccup* Please…?”

Raul then traps Abe in a tight hug, startling both him and Meguro.

“Oi Rau! Let go! He’s your sensei!”, Meguro tries hard to pull Raul’s arms away to no avail. Raul is holding Abe so strongly.

“Actually I…like older women…”

Abe and Meguro stop their actions. “Umm…ok?”

“*hiccup* I used to find this math teacher who taught me in high school, so so hot! *hiccup* so 2 years ago, when I just turned 18, I went to tinder and set the age as high as possible in hopes that I could match with not necessarily her, because I know she’s married. But perhaps someone who might look like her. Someone mature yet hot. *hiccup*”

Abe and Meguro give each other looks. They don’t know where this is going. Abe is still struggling to be free from Raul’s uncomfortable hug. Raul continues his confession.

“I matched with a woman. She stated that she’s 40 in her bio but upon meeting her, I knew that she’s much older. *hiccup* We met, for dinner. At this high-class restaurant. She paid for us both. We look like sugar mommy and her sugar baby. *hiccup* And then she asked me why I want to be involved with a much older woman. I told her my story. About the teacher. *hiccup* I don’t remember the details which leads to what happened next. *hiccup* Maybe it’s the atmosphere. Ahh~ she told me that she could satisfy me more than my teacher do. *hiccup* It was my first time. We did it at the restaurant’s bathroom. Ahh~ And I felt like I’m in nirvana…”

Both Abe and Meguro widen their eyes. They thought, they are not supposed to hear this. But Raul is not done yet. And hugs Abe tighter.

“I freaked out after that. I think I did something really really awful. So I cut contact with her. That was the last time I saw her…until recently… *hiccup* We met at a convenience store and she approaches me, since she remembers me. I was trying to act like I don’t know her. But my mask fell, I cannot act. *hiccup* Anyway, she told me that she just got married. I congratulate her. Then she asked me a favor… *hiccup*”

Ok not lying, Abe and Meguro are now absorbed in the story and they are curious to know more.

“She asked me…if I want to help her and her partner…to fulfill their desire of having a threesome”.

A little pause.

“I was at a crossroad. An offer like that doesn’t come easily. One side of me want to experience the thrill but another side of me is saying that this is unethical, this is wrong. *hiccup* So…it has been 2 years. I’m now a 20-years old adult. I’m more mature now. So I decided…”

“You decided…?”, Abe and Meguro gulp and ask at the same time.

Raul titters. “So I decided…why not? Hahaha! *hiccup* I drove to their place right after and we done it. Ahh~ It was the best bang I ever had~~~” Raul animatedly brushes his jaw on Abe’s neck.

Meguro facepalm. “Oh my lord…”

Abe is speechless. Raul is a young man with a raging hormone so he shouldn’t be so surprised. But this story, this confession…It’s too much.

Meguro now smacks Raul’s arms repeatedly until he let go of his poor tutor, who is frozen in shock. “Come on now! You’ve traumatized your tutor! Shoo! Go back to your room!”

“Bye sensei~ *hiccup*” Raul slurs his sentence. And both Abe and Meguro see him walking away like a zombie.

In conclusion, Raul is a sloppy drunk. Yeah.

I want your love, I want your love, I want your love

Oh baby

I need your love, I need your love, I need your love

Oh baby

“That baby dino is already talkative on normal days and he gets more chaotic when he’s drunk”. Meguro opens the passenger seat’s door of his car to let Abe in. “Douzo”.

“Thanks”. Abe finally finds his voice back, but his cheeks are still burning. “To be honest, that’s the most private thing I ever heard from anyone ever! Oh my God! I wonder if he’ll remember. I hope it’s not going to be awkward the next time we meet for tutoring session…” Abe covers his face with his both hands.

Meguro laughs, “At least you got some juicy info you can use to blackmail him in case he doesn’t listen to you”.

“Haha! Raul is a good kid. At least around me. Tonight was the first time I saw him out of his usual character”.

Meguro starts the engine. “Oh yeah? Thanks for telling me that. I’ll have something to make fun of him next time. Haha! That kid is always frivolous around me!” He then sets the GPS location then starts driving.

Meguro turns on the radio and keeps searching for a channel with good music. However, he’s not feeling the songs that are playing on air at the moment.

“Nee, Abe-kun. What’s your favorite song?”

Abe thinks for a moment. “Hmm…Recently, I listen to Watagashi (Cotton Candy) by back number a lot”.

“Ahh! Back number-san! I like their songs too! But my favorite is Kaitou (Phantom thief). Koko kara kimi o ubatte~ (From now on, I shall take you) Yozora o nukete~ (Through the night sky) Houseki mitaina machi o tobikoete~(We’ll jump over this city that resembles a jewel). Meguro immediately sang the chorus.

Abe’s eyes lit up. He looks at Meguro in awe and claps his hands. “You sing really well!”

“Hehe hold on, let me turn on the Youtube Music. We shall sing our hearts out”.

Abe and Meguro spend their time bonding over music throughout the ride.

After about 20 minutes, they arrived at Odori street. Abe asked Meguro to just drop him at the side of the main road, but Meguro insisted on stopping directly in front of the hotel. It’s already past midnight after all – no traffic so he can easily enter and exit the narrow streets.

“You’re such a fun person, Meguro-kun. I’m very happy to get to know you”.

“Hehe same goes to you, Abe-kun. I learned a lot from you tonight. Maybe we could hang out again sometime? Oh yeah, can you give me your LINE? If you’re ok with it…”

Abe nods vigorously. “Yes, yes! No problem!”

They share their respective LINE accounts.

“Thank you for the ride. Text me when you arrive back to the mansion. Have a good rest, Meguro-kun”.

Meguro doesn’t answer. He simply stares and keep staring lovingly at the man who is still in the passenger seat.

Abe feels his face heats up. He let out an awkward smile. “Uhh…Bye!”

Since Meguro didn’t open the door lock, he manually unlocks the door. However, the moment he tries to open the door, Meguro locks it again.

Abe faces Meguro. The man has an amused, playful look on his face.

Abe unlocks again. Meguro locks again.

“Meguro-kun! What if the lock gets broken?”, Abe scolded.

“Then I’m ready to risk it all”, Meguro replies, suddenly in a deep voice. Still staring at Abe.

Abe gets nervous, his voice quivers. “Risk? What?”

“Is your love…a prison break?”

*Kyun! Kyun!*  Abe is confused. He can’t decipher the meaning behind Meguro’s words but hearing “Love”, makes his heart pounding fast.

Meguro chuckles. “Haha! I’m sorry! I was trying to be all poetic but I guess that wasn’t good enough. Uhh…Forget what I just said. Man…That was so uncool of me…But you’re so cute, Abe-kun! You should see how you look right now. Hahaha!”

Abe blushes. Meguro called him cute?! Kyun kyun! “You! Don’t tease me! I’m older than you!” Abe covers his face in embarrassment. “Come on, unlock the door!”

“Hahaha! OK OK!”

As soon as Abe heard the door unlocked, he quickly swings open the door.

Meguro pulls down the window to bid farewell and good night, which Abe do the same.

“I’ll text you. Sweet dreams, Abe-kun!” Meguro waves, with a big, sweet smile.

*Kyun!* Abe waves back. In his mind, he’s picturing, imaginary roses, framing his current vision.

Then the car drove off.

At this moment, it’s as if he can hear the second verse of his favorite song, Watagashi, playing as background music.

“When you smile, just like that, I finally found a place in my heart…

…where it’s noisy, aching and frustrating…”

You are my love trigger

I want to wallow in the feelings, just like this

Forever and ever

[The next Wednesday]

“Abe-chan! Are you ok to go on this assignment?”, Abe’s project manager asked, handing him a pamphlet.

“Hmm? What’s this?” Abe scans through it.

“A new cinema is about to open in the city and what’s special about it…is the fact that the cinema is exclusively for couples only. Which means, you have to enter in pair. If you’re coming in a group, they should be even-numbered. We are invited to be one of the first to check out what they have to offer. I am expecting at least a written review for the blog if not video review”, his manager explains.

The pamphlet shows the interior of the cinema. There are no regular cinema seats. All seats are in the form of round daybeds, in different colors, with canopy, which perfectly fit two people. This ensures maximum privacy, for when any couple decided to get intimate and they will not have to worry about other people judging their life’s decision to engage in something naughty in a public space. Hmm…Abe finds it interesting.

“Wow! I’m intrigued. Sure, I’ll go. Who’s going with me?”

His manager tilts her head with a grin. “Whoever you want!”

Abe is visibly confused.

“OK, listen! We just received this invitation today, and the screening is tomorrow night! See!”, his manager shows him the colorful heart-shaped invitation card with a bigger than usual theater admission ticket.

“Since this is a last-minute invitation, all of your colleagues are unfortunately already booked for other assignments. So take this ticket and have fun with your friend. Think of it like killing two birds with one stone. Enjoy the experience and just write a review when you get back to work the next day. If you come back with some video record, that will be much appreciated but you don’t have to force yourself. Here, one ticket for two persons”.

“Umm…Thank you, Ms. I shall take the offer”.

…was what he said but…seems that it’s hard to find someone who will be able to accompany him with this late invitation. He texted his childhood friends, his university friends, even his brother, everyone is booked and busy tomorrow night. He even texted Raul, but the kid is still in Hokkaido.

Speaking of Raul…There’s also his cousin…

[Flashback to the night after Meguro dropped Abe off at the hotel]

All his family members were already asleep when he got back. He went to shower immediately soon after. When he checked his phone after he finished his bath, there was a text message from Meguro’s LINE.

“I arrived home safely. Thank you for tonight. See you next time. Good night! *sleep emoji*”

Abe felt bubbly-tingy inside. He can’t control his smile. And he replied with:

“That’s good to hear. Thank you too. See you next time. Have a good rest! *moon emoji*”.

[Back to current time]

Abe hasn’t received any more text after that and he hasn’t texted Meguro either. He figured that perhaps Meguro was busy helping with cleaning up after the ceremony like Raul do. Abe is wondering if the man is still in Hokkaido or already back in Tokyo? Hmm…Should I text him? *KYUN* No…Should I invite him in the first place? Ahhh! My heart is racing! What’s happening?!

Even when I’m awake, I’m yearning still

For your gestures and your habitual phrases

Oh can you be my lover?

Abe decides to go for a hi-tea at Watanabe Café.

“Welcome, Abe-san! The usual?���, Watanabe-san greets him warmly, as usual.

“Umm…Today I’m feeling tea”.

“Ohh~~~? That’s unusual. What would you like to have?”, Watanabe-san grins.

“Umm…One Calendula tea please. With one carrot cake to go with it”.

Watanabe gasps with his eyebrows arching upwards. An expression of surprise. But it only lasts for like a second. Then he goes back to professionally do his job, “Noted. That’ll be 935Yen”.

Abe hands him the amount and goes to sit at his usual place near the window.

Once seated, Abe notices that the garden looks very much different than the last time he visited. Although the landscape is not done yet, the garden can clearly be seen more systematic and very much neatly in order compared to before.

“What do you think? Still a work in progress, but I can already imagine how beautiful the scenery outside gonna be when it’s complete. Especially at night. I’m aiming for a romantic atmosphere”, Watanabe comments, bringing Abe’s orders onto the table.

“It’s gorgeous. Truly”, Abe says, his honest thoughts.

“Enjoy your meal”, Watanabe bows. Abe stops him before he left.

“Ahh! Watanabe-san! Umm…are you available tomorrow night?”

Actually, Abe doesn’t really understand why he even asked. He’s aware that Watanabe has a business to run and he kind of already expecting the man’s answer…so why did he asked? Seems like his body reacts first before his mind does.

“Tomorrow night? Why?”

“Ahh! My workplace received an invitation to try out this new couple-only cinema in town and my manager is kind enough to let me enjoy it privately. Unfortunately, I’m unable to find a partner yet. Everyone I asked is already booked and busy tomorrow night…So…Umm…yeah…”

“Ahh! That new cinema! Wow! That’s cool! See, I have no problem to close the café early but there’s already a booking for a private event here tomorrow night. I’m sorry to let you down…”

Abe shakes his head. “No, it’s ok! It can’t be helped. Don’t worry about it!”

“Watanabe-san! I’m going now”.

Both men turn their heads to the man who just entered the café.

“Hah! Nice timing! Meguro-san, come here for a bit!”, Watanabe gestures the man to come to Abe’s table.

Every time Meguro appears, Abe will always get stunned over how good the man looks. Right now, Meguro is wearing a blue-white striped, button-down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up a quarter. He’s also wearing plain dark blue slacks – overall, a simple casual look. Abe doesn’t know how the man able to elevate a simple look to be so fashionable in his eyes.

“Abe-kun! We finally meet again! How are you?”, Meguro enthusiastically greets him. His eyes practically glowing.

Abe is getting shy all of a sudden. “I’m good. How about you?”

Watanabe interrupts while snickering. “This guy had told me that you both met at his cousin’s wedding in Hokkaido last week. Fufufu…”

“Ahh! You ordered the carrot cake! And Calendula tea too! I ordered this combo too yesterday!”, Meguro happily informs.

Abe now understands why Watanabe was surprised with his orders just now.

Watanabe clears his throat. “Umm, so…why not you ask him?”, Watanabe points at Meguro.

Meguro looks at Abe and Watanabe questioningly. “Hmm?”

“This guy right here needs a company for an event tomorrow night. He invited me but I have to run the café, right? If Meguro-san has no prior engagements tomorrow night, maybe you can join him”, Watanabe explains. Abe is tongue-tied at the moment.

“Umm…Yeah…Just as he said…”

“I’m fine with that. I can accompany you. Come, let me know the details”, Meguro sits down on the opposite Abe.

“You guys continue with the discussion. I’m going back to the kitchen yeah”.

“Ok, thanks for letting me use the shower, Watanabe-san”.

“No problem”. Watanabe excused himself.

Meguro stares at Abe’s face lovingly, like that night. Abe is nervous once again.

“I miss you, Abe-kun”, Meguro says, in a soft voice.

“Umm…I miss you too”, Abe awkwardly replies.

“Really? I’m happy to hear that. Hehe so, where are we going tomorrow night?”

Abe then provides detail information about the appointment tomorrow. Meguro nods his head at every key point he listened.

“So our date tomorrow will be at Miyashita Park, 8pm, correct? How about dress code?”

Abe tries not to react to that “date” word but his heart is definitely pounding right now. *Kyun!*

“Correct. The invitation here stated to wear anything comfortable but no pyjamas”. Both of them find it amusing, they laugh a little.

“Alright. Since this will be our first date, I think I will dress up a little. Hehe you just wear anything you’re comfortable with yeah. I bet anything looks good you”.

*Kyun! Kyun!* What? Why did he say that? I should be the one to say that to him! Even if he wear just plain T-shirt and shorts, he will still look like a model.

Meguro looks at his watch. “I gotta go now, Abe-kun. I will text you tomorrow, ok? Thanks again for inviting me”. He stands up.

Abe stands up too. “I should be the one to say thank you! If it’s not because of you, I will be denied entry tomorrow”.

“Hehe. I’m more than happy to help. See you tomorrow!”

They shake hands.

“Bye, Watanabe-san!”

“Bye!”

The moment the door closes, Abe and Watanabe look at each other. Abe mouths a “Thank you”. Watanabe’s eyes squint slightly, but he just smiles and didn’t say anything. Abe is both excited and nervous for tomorrow.

I guess you already know about my feelings

Feelin’ so bad, you can’t get away

Yeah

Abe arrives at the venue first. He is wearing a brown silk button-down top with black trousers and a beige trench coat to keep him warm. He is standing at the corner of the building’s lobby, waiting for Meguro. 10 minutes later, Abe spots Meguro entering. The view takes his breath away. Meguro is wearing a long, black topcoat, a black Fendi turtleneck shirt with grey checkered pants. Abe makes a mental note: Meguro looks hot in turtleneck and he needs to wear them more. Meguro is walking towards him in a regal manner, as if he’s on the runway of fashion show.

Meguro smiles and waves at Abe all the way until he’s standing in front of him.

“Wow! You’re looking like a celebrity, Meguro-kun!”

“Nahh~ You’re flattering me. I can’t win against you though. You’re looking so dashing tonight. I like it”.

*Kyun!* Abe blushes. “Ok that’s enough. Let’s go!”

They go up to the highest floor, where the new cinema is located. Still half an hour to go before the movie begins but the guests are advised to attend early so the staffs can explain the to do and not to do in the theaters, as well as guests can roam around the venue to take photos or videos for their socials.

There are 4 theatres inside the cinema. All theatres are equipped with IMAX screen. As with the nature of the seats, surely their amount is limited compared to regular cinema. The floors are fewer too. But everything is designed to ensure maximum comfort for the target audience – which is couples. Even from the entrance, the cinema is covered in red and black, with paintings and murals of roses and European architecture. The romantic atmosphere is further heightened with their custom alluring and captivating scent of tuberose all over the cinema.

The organizer informs everyone the movie they are going to watch tonight is a classic movie called “The Brave of Heart Will Take The Bride”. Abe remembers that he has watched the movie when he was still in elementary school. He does remember his mother sometimes giggling, sometimes crying, over watching some of the scenes in the movie. He remembers his mother told him the scenes were romantic, they made her heart feel warm. But what does an elementary school boy know about romance? Tonight, he might be able to understand, what his mother was feeling. The story is about two non-resident college students who fall in love during a vacation in Europe. However, the heroine is already betrothed to another man, the son of a family’s friend. Come hell or high water, the hero is determined to do anything to win the heart of the girl’s family, especially the girl’s father. And to prove that love wins all.

When all the guests have arrived, they are guided to their seats, ready for the movie.

Oh baby, tell me what you’re gonna do

If I’m going to see you,

This fuzzy feeling will be going on full speed in the end

I’m not crazy, Make a move

It’s heaven,

For me who becomes aware of the feelings

“Oh my God! It’s so fluffy. This is literally a bed. Ahh~ so comfy~”

Meguro lays his full body down. Abe laughs. He also sits down and starts inspecting the seat.

All guests were given free popcorn of their choice. Meguro chose the seaweed flavored while Abe chose the cheese flavored. Seems like both of them prefer savory over sweet. Anyway, Abe notices that there are two popcorn holders at each side of every seat. He snaps a photo.

“Abe-kun”, Meguro calls.

“Hmm?” When Abe turns around, he sees Meguro is posing with a peace sign. Abe chuckles and snaps a shot. Then Meguro pats the space beside him.

“Let’s take a photo together”.

*Kyun! Kyun!* Their first photo together is laying on this daybed, inside the couples-only cinema! How scandalous!

Nevertheless, Abe obeys. He lays down next to Meguro and snaps 3 pictures.

Soon, the cinema turns dark and the movie starts.

“That was enjoyable! I like the scene at the train station, where the hero said if the girl loves him, she’ll turn around. And she did turn around! That made me thrilled~”

Meguro never watched the movie before and he have a lot of comments. Meguro seems to have a good time and Abe is glad to see that. The movie is more heartwarming than what he expects from a definition of romantic. There were no overly intimate scenes, which is good because he doesn’t want to watch people making out on screen with Meguro beside him. That will be very awkward. Since the movie is a classic, Abe also kind of reminisce his childhood and how living was before without gadgets. He is grateful to be born in the 90s as people his age witnessed the fast evolution of technology throughout the years. However, Abe wasn’t there to review the movie but the whole cinema experience. And it is safe to say that he will definitely give positive feedback.

There were moments throughout the movie though, that Abe got distracted. Distracted by the attractive man beside him. Meguro’s hand accidentally touched his and for the first time, the man apologized. The second, the third, the fourth, Abe thought the touches were definitely on purpose. Meguro was nonchalant however, his eyes glued to the screen. The fifth time, before Abe moves his hand away on reflex, Meguro grabs it. Abe let out a gasp and quickly close his mouth his other hand. Then Meguro faced him. “Don’t freak out. This is part of the experience. Of course you will want to do lovey-dovey stuffs at a place like this, right? I won’t cross the boundaries, I promise. Just holding hands. Ok?”, Meguro whispered. They were so close. Abe’s breath hitched. He can’t think straight at that moment. He simply nodded and soon, Meguro intertwined their fingers in that gentle hold. They stayed holding hands till the movie ended.

*Kyun! Kyun!*

“Thank you so much for letting me share this experience, Abe-kun! So this is how it feels to be the one who has earlier access on something this big. I feel special, honestly. Haha!”

“Hehe I’m glad. Thank you as well for accompanying me tonight. I’ll let you know when I already finish and publish the review on the company’s blog. I’ll send you the link”.

“Sure! Hmm…I would really love for us to get dinner together but I have to go now”. Meguro stretches his lips horizontally, looking sad all of a sudden.

“Ahh! It’s ok! It’s already pretty late too so I understand. We still got to work tomorrow so let’s head home and rest yeah”, Abe assures.

“Where do you live, Abe-kun?”

“Koenji. How about Meguro-kun?”

“Ohh My apartment is a walking distance from here. At Omotesando”.

“That’s very near!”

“Haha! I’ll invite you next time. Don’t worry, I live alone”, Meguro winks.

Abe doesn’t understand why he should be worry that Meguro lives alone but he certainly should be worry at the condition of his heart right now. Why this man keeps on doing this to him?

“At least let me walk you to the station, Abe-kun”.

They part ways exactly before the ticket gate.

“Send me the photos later”, Meguro reminded.

“Sure! I had fun tonight. Until we meet again, Meguro-kun. Good night!”

Abe taps his phone on the ticket gate and goes inside. Meguro remains in his spot, watching Abe walk away until when Abe is about to disappear from his sight, Abe suddenly turns around. Even from afar, both of them can see they are both surprised. Abe waves his hand first and Meguro waves back. After a few seconds, Abe goes deeper into the station, out from Meguro’s sight completely.

Meguro is ecstatic. He’s jumping in joy! The people around are giving him weird looks.

Before Abe turned around, Meguro had prayed in his heart, “If he likes me, please turn around”.

He now knows the answer to his prayer. He likes Abe too. He really likes him.

From their very first encounter on the plane, he can already feel some kind of connection with the man. From now on, he will put in more effort to slowly develop their relationship.

Meguro called this: Operation Making Abe’s Heart Throb And Eventually Fall In Love With Me!

Babe, baby, babe

Say my name, Say my name

Babe, baby, babe

Say my name darling

“Abe-sensei, I didn’t know that you and my cousin are friends”.

“Ahh Meguro-kun? Hehe I met him on a plane. He sat next to me that night and that’s how we met”.

“Ehh~ I see. He kept on asking me about you these days so I wonder what’s up?”

“Ehh~ Really? He should’ve just asked me directly. He got my number”.

Raul widens his eyes, with the expression of “Oh! He finally got it!”

Raul lets out a scornful laugh. “Heee~ Abe-sensei, you’re single, right?”

Abe is taken aback by Raul’s sudden question. “Uhh…Uhh…Why do you ask?”

“You know~ Meme was asking me things like how was your sensei today, did your sensei like this, did your sensei like that. I think he likes you, sensei”, Raul excitedly says what’s on his mind. “What about you, sensei? Do you like my cousin?”

Abe blushes. “Wha-What are you talking about? Uhh…I don’t think you should make an assumption like that…”

“Meme is single, just to let you know”, Raul interrupts. “His previous relationship was…6-7 years ago? It was a long time ago and they broke up pretty badly too. Hmm…Anyway, we have numerous mutual acquaintances, but he never asked me about any of them. I’m pretty sure that he is interested in you. Nee, nee, sensei! If you say you like him too, I’ll be very happy!”

Raul is giving Abe puppy eyes. Abe doesn’t know how to react to this.

“Like I said…it’s just your assumption. He never told you directly that he likes me, correct? So don’t come to a conclusion like that. Yes, I do like Meguro-kun. But as a friend, that’s it. Ok?”

“Heh~ but I trust my instinct~ Hmm it’s ok! If you guys somehow fall for each other, I’ll be rooting for you guys, ok?” Raul bobs his head, expressing joy.

“Ok, focus! Focus! Back to your paper, please!”

Abe receives a text message. Raul peeks at the pop-up screen. The sender is named Meguro-kun. Raul smirks. “Aha! Speak of the devil!”

“Shh! Finish your equation!”

Ever since that night, both Abe and Meguro are actively texting each other. However, they had not meet each other yet since then. Abe hasn’t visited his favorite café for a while too due to busy schedule. Meguro text reads {Abe-kun, are you free on the weekend?}

Abe replies with {Yes, I am 😊 Do you want to meet?}

{Yay! Since the cherry blossoms are blooming right now, I thought maybe we could do Hanami?}

{Sounds great! I would love to! Where do you recommend?}

{I was thinking we could go on a Meguro River cruise at night. I’m not sure where is the best place to go during the day though. You have any idea?}

{Hmm…I can only think of Shinjuku Gyoen. There are Japanese, English and French gardens and variety of cherry trees we can enjoy.}

{Shinjuku Gyoen sounds good to me 😊 so we shall meet there? Is Saturday, 2pm ok for you?}

{Sure. Saturday, 2pm at Shinjuku Gyoen. Confirm!}

{Great! I’ll see you then!}

{See you! Have a nice day!}

{You too. I miss you.}

Abe paused. *Kyun!* Why did he threw that in there so casually?

Abe typed back {I miss you too}

{Can’t wait to see you}

Abe wants to squeal in delight but Raul is here so he has to remain composed.

{Me too. I have to go now. I’m tutoring Raul at the moment. We will text again later yep}

{Ohh ok I understand. Sorry for interrupting your tutoring session. *apologetic emoji* Bye bye for now!}

{No worries. I’m waiting for him to finish his equation hehe Bye bye!}

Abe sighs in relief. From all the workload and overtime at his job since the past month, he really is in need of a break, even if it’s just a short break. Meguro came at the right time, bringing him out for cherry blossom viewing. Abe puts his phone down and turns back to face Raul. Raul is grinning like a cat.

“Wh-What?”

Raul puffs his shoulder. “Nothing~ I finished the equation. Take a look”.

There’s no turning back anymore

Be my girl – this heart won’t lie

Honey Imma make you mine

Hold you tight right now

Can you give me one more night?

Let’s get it now

This time, Abe arrived exactly at 2pm, which is the appointment date and Meguro arrived 10 minutes earlier. No problems there at all but Abe did have a problem before getting there. He took too long to choose his outfit for the day. He was rummaging his wardrobe for a suitable outfit. He wants to look extra presentable for Meguro today since Meguro is always so fashionable, so him, as his date, should at least match up with Meguro’s vibe. That’s what he thought. After an hour of choosing, he decided on a white lightweight sweater in floral patterns, pairing it with white corduroy pants. He also wears a long beige wool blend coat to give him extra warmth especially when it gets chilly during the night. For shoes, he just went for brown sneakers for utmost comfort.

“Thank you for waiting, Meguro-kun!” Abe sees Meguro standing near the entrance gate, looking down at his phone, and Abe runs straight towards the man. It is pretty easy to spot Meguro as he is always dressed to the nines and as always, Abe is wonderstruck today too.

Meguro is wearing a simple black tee inside his army green bomber jacket, paired with black cargo pants and black sneakers with green stripes. He also had a Fendi cashmere scarf around his neck. Abe likes this look too. Meguro simply looks good in everything!

“Abe-kun!”, Meguro’s eyes practically glowing the moment he sees Abe in front of him. “Wow! You look so fluffy cute today!” Meguro starts touching all over Abe’s coat, feeling the material.

“Ohh? So only today that I look cute?”, Abe teases, making puppy eyes and puffs his cheeks.

Meguro brings his face closer towards Abe. “Your existence itself is cute, Abe-kun. It’s just that today, you put extra dose of cuteness. I like this look on you”.

*Kyun!* First compliment of the day! Abe is glad that Meguro approved his choice of clothing. That 1 hour of frustration wasn’t going to waste. But why is he so close?!

“Uhh…Umm…You’re flattering me! Ahh! Let’s go in!”

The first 30 minutes, they just strolling through the gardens, enjoying the cherry blossoms in full bloom. The ground is carpeted in petals, making the place so surreal in pink. Even if it’s still 2pm, there are already a huge number of people camping below the Sakura trees since it’s also a weekend. They expected more and more people will be coming later in the evening.

They finally find a spot at the English Garden. Meguro place a mat on the ground for them to sit down. They both made a prior arrangement via text: that they will be swapping bentos. After they finished setting up all the snacks and drinks, they hand out each other’s bento. Both of them are nervous yet excited to discover what the other had prepared.

“Let’s open together, ok?”, Meguro suggests. Abe nods. “Ready, set – Open!”

Both of them squeal in happiness.

Abe has prepared a shrimp tempura bento. Instead of plain rice, Abe made garlic rice. There are 3 long and huge shrimp tempura on top of it. The sides consist of some broccoli and mini tomatoes, potato salad and a perfectly shaped tamagoyaki.

Meguro on the other hand, prepared unagi bento for his beloved Abe-kun. He placed a strip of half-sized unagi in one compartment, plain rice with sesame seeds on top in the other compartment, potato salad in another, carrots and edamame on one small compartment and finally two slices of apple, orange, dragon fruit and strawberry each. In other words, it’s kind of fancy.

“Wow! You really prepared a lot. Umm…I’m sorry that my bento can’t compared to yours…”

“What are you saying? I’m already happy with the fact that you went all your way to prepare this for me! Ohh and I have to admit, I cheated a little. I bought the unagi from a shop and put it there as it is because I don’t know how to cook unagi. Heee…but I assure you, I prepared the rest! Just for you! Hope you like it!”

Abe chuckles. Meguro is so honest. A green flag.

“Let’s dig in then! Itadakimasu!”

Meguro goes for the tamagoyaki first. He lets out a satisfied groan. “Oh my God! Not only does it look perfect, it also tastes perfect! The strong dashi flavor and the soft and pillowy texture. I love it!” Meguro gives a thumbs up.

“I’m glad!” Abe goes for the potato salad. He also lets out a sound of approval. “You seasoned it nicely. This is good!”

They finish their meal while throwing compliments in between. Good vibes only.

All snacks and drinks were completely finished too 3 hours later. They really enjoy each other’s company and they didn’t realize that time flies so fast. They clean up and get ready for their next destination.

“Before we depart, let me go to the restroom first”, Meguro says.

“Sure. Go ahead. I’ll wait here”. Meguro nods and goes inside. Abe is standing outside the restroom building, waiting. A few moments later, Abe is surprised when his left arm is pulled aggressively. He bumps straight onto a man’s chest and when he looks up, he sees Juri’s face.

“Not you again! Stop bothering me! Let me go! It hurts!” Abe squirms.

“That man you were with, he is one gentleman. Is that your new gardener boyfriend?”

“Wha-No…” Abe does not finish his sentence yet when Juri immediately cuts him off.

“Haha! I knew it! Someone who’s very dignified and looking like a chevalier cannot be your boyfriend. How come someone like him will be interested in you, right?”, Juri states, full of spite.

Abe knows he should not be fazed by Juri’s words, but deep inside, it stings to hear that being thrown into his face. He has the same thoughts too sometimes. Meguro is just too good. When he can obtain anyone who is better and prettier than Abe with just a flick of his fingers, why would Abe even think he has a chance? Juri is playing dirty. Why would he challenge Abe’s self-esteem now?

Abe doesn’t react. He keeps quiet. He just keeps staring at Juri’s face, with a judging poker face and throwing daggers with his eyes. It’s as if Juri can see flames in Abe’s eyes. Abe is angry.

“Ryohei?”. Abe freezes. It’s Meguro’s voice! Meguro is calling his given name! *Kyun! Kyun!*

“Thank you for waiting, Ryohei”. Meguro goes straight to hold Abe’s waist and stares down at him lovingly, before he turns his attention to the other man in front of him.

“Ohh a friend, Ryohei?”

Abe is irrefutably astounded but he composed himself as quickly as possible. But he doesn’t know if he should tell Meguro that’s his ex in front of him. “Uhh…Yeah…A friend…”

Meguro goes forward with a handshake. “Nice to meet you. I’m Ryohei’s partner, Meguro”.

Juri accepts the handshake. “Tanaka Juri”.

Meguro’s right hand then goes inside his pants pocket, then letting out a business card. He presents it to Juri, with his business smile. “I’m the CEO of Zarigani Landscaping. If you’re thinking of a fresh outdoor space, or perhaps setting up irrigation systems, you may reach out to my company. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Landscape Architecture and I have worked with clients all over Japan. You may visit the website stated there to see the reviews of our services. Most of them are more than satisfied with the outcome”.

Both Abe and Juri are shocked with this revelation. Meguro is not just a gardener, but also the CEO? Juri suddenly feels small. He keeps looking between Meguro and Abe uncomfortably and finally he says, “Uhh nice to meet you. You guys enjoy your date! See ya, Ryohei!”

After a swift wave towards Abe, Juri walks away.

Abe lets out a sigh of relief. Then he looks at Meguro. The man just keeps on surprising him.

“I came here by car”, Meguro starts. “Let’s get in first. We’ll talk in the car”.

They stay quiet all the way to the car. Once inside, Meguro puts his left hand on top of Abe’s right hand, softly squeezing it in a comforting manner.

“Don’t let what that man said get into your head”.

They make eye contact. Abe obviously looks clueless.

“I overheard everything. He sounds like he’s projecting his insecurity onto you and that’s not a nice thing to do. He shouldn’t put down someone’s self-esteem like that. Trust me, you are enough. You’re special the way you are. I really like the way you are now. Let me guess. An ex?”

Abe nods.

“No wonder. Anyway, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, right? And I think you are beautiful. And I don’t mind being your boyfriend, really”.

*Kyun! Kyun!* Abe feels his face burning. He tries to change the subject.

“Ahhhhh! By the way! You never told me you are the CEO!”, his hand escapes Meguro’s hold and he points his index fingers accusingly at Meguro.

Meguro laughs. “CEO of a small, medium enterprise, Abe-kun! It’s no big deal! It’s not like I owned a company with a million-dollar net worth. Plus, I don’t like to introduce myself as a CEO outside business. It attracts…different kinds of people…which I’m uncomfortable with in most cases. Abe-kun too! Please don’t change the way you behave around me now that you know I’m a CEO. We’re equal, so please treat me just like the way you usually do”. Meguro is now holding both of Abe’s hands in his. “Please?”

Abe smiles. Meguro is a humble man.  “Alright, Meguro-kun. I’m just surprised, really! You hid that fact very well. Ohh and you grasp the situation quickly too back then. Your acting is believable!”

Meguro grins. “Ohh? I don’t want it to be just an act though”.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you want it? Me becoming your boyfriend?” Meguro just boldly say that head-on, confidently.

*Kyun! Kyun!*

“Ahhhh! Meguro-kun, you’re bad! Don’t tease me!”

“Haha! Don’t worry, I’ll slowly make you admit to that, Ryohei~”

“Ahhhhhhhhh! I didn’t hear that! Nope!” Abe shuts both of his ears with his hands.

Meguro steps on the pedal and off they go to Meguro River.

You are my love trigger

A dangerous flavor, but I want ya

The moment our eyes met

I’m Going crazy

Going crazy for you, oh God

I’m craving to be loved by you

It takes about 16 minutes to reach Tennozu Pier, where the port is. The area is already packed with people simply enjoying the cherry blossoms and there’s also already a long line of people waiting for the cruise. After they got off the car, Meguro goes beside Abe and grabs his hand.

“So that we won’t get separated. We have to march through these people. Brace yourself”.

Abe nods in understanding.

All the way to the dock, they hold hands.

They manage to hop on the boat about half an hour later. It’s 7pm and it’s already dark. The city of Tokyo lights up, producing a stunning and scenic view of glowing cherry blossoms along the river. The cruise will run about 70 minutes.

“Oh my God! What a magical view! I never went on a cruise at night before!”, Abe comments, full of glee. He cannot stop snapping photos of the tranquil beauty of the cherry blossoms at night.

Meguro is also taking photos but most of them, are of Abe. But the man doesn’t realize of course.

“Meguro-kun, do you know what Hanami at night called?”

“…Yozakura?”

“Correct! 10 points for you!”

“Haha! Are you mocking me? Of course I know that!”

“Hmm…Then, which Yen coin had Sakura engraved on it?”

“Which Yen? Oh no…100 Yen?”

“Correct! Another 10 points for you! We have chrysanthemum on the 50 Yen coin and Tachibana flower on the 500 Yen coin”.

Meguro responds with an “Ohh!” and nods in understanding. He is amused but he likes how excited Abe looks right now, randomly giving quiz and sharing his knowledge.

“Ok last one! Hmm…There is a name for the state when all the Sakura petals have fallen and the leaves are budding. What is it called?”

“Ok I don’t know that one. Can you tell me the answer, Abe-sensei?”

“Hehe It’s called Hazakura. Even though there are no Sakura flowers on the tree”.

“Ahh I see. Ok, right now, I have one question for you”. Meguro crosses his arms. Abe nods, signaling him to continue.

“Do you like cherry-themed garden?”, Meguro asks with a serious expression on his face.

“For your next project? That sounds fascinating!”

“Nope, the garden is here”. Meguro grabs Abe’s right hand, placing it onto his chest. “I have the garden right here. And it’s blooming beautifully. If you like it, I’m willing to give it to you”.

Abe is lost in Meguro’s sharp eyes. He feels like his heart going to burst out from his chest. They stay in that position for what feels like eternity, until Meguro slowly let go of Abe’s hand. Abe doesn’t say any word, his mind is still processing Meguro’s words.

Meguro clears his throat. “Just so you know, I’m not playing. The offer is still valid”. He winks.

Abe puffs his cheeks and hits Meguro on the chest with his hand.

A sudden breeze of cold night air passes by. “Aaa-choo!” Abe sneezes. Cute, is what Meguro thought.

Meguro then happily envelopes himself around Abe, hugging the man from the back, trapping his beloved in a warm embrace. Abe goes panic. “Wh-wha-wha-what are you doing?”

“Providing you and me, extra warmth”, Meguro carefreely answers.

Abe puts his hands over his face. “People are watching…”

“No, they don’t. They’re watching the Sakura trees. Even if they do, let them watch. It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong”, Meguro assures, tightening his hold on Abe.

Abe gives up. He decides to listen to Meguro and positioned himself comfortably in Meguro’s embrace. Meguro is a level-headed person. And somehow, it’s calming him.

Abe takes out his phone, opens the camera app and turns it to selfie mode.

“Say cheese, Meguro-kun!”

They snap numerous photos together. They are some photos where Meguro stare at Abe’s face when Abe is posing for the camera, and vice versa.

“Love is as delicate and fleeting as cherry blossoms, yet it fills our hearts with everlasting joy.”

I want your love, I want your love, I want your love

Oh baby

I need your love, I need your love, I need your love

Oh baby

“Thank you for today, Meguro-kun! I really had fun!”

They are currently inside Meguro’s car, just arrived at Abe’s apartment. After the ethereal boat cruise, both of them decided to get dinner at an Indian restaurant nearby the pier, then continue their yozakura stroll a little bit more before ending their date today.

Meguro looks like he’s in deep thought. He simply turns his face towards Abe, giving him a gloomy smile as a response.

Abe tilts his head and asks worryingly, “What’s wrong?”

“Abe-kun”. Meguro takes a deep breath. “Can we continue this date tomorrow? That is…if you’re available”.

Abe lets out a smile of content. Is this what this man is worried about? Meguro can be cute sometimes. “Of course! I have no plans for tomorrow yet so…I’m very happy to go out with you again tomorrow. Sure! Let’s do it!”

Meguro’s eyes suddenly lit up. He’s also grinning from ear to ear. He shouts, “YOSH! Then, are you ok with going to Maxell Aqua Park, Shinagawa? I’ve been wanting to go there for the longest time but never had the chance to”.

“Ahh! Sure, I’m ok with that! It’s been a long time too since I visited there. Maybe during high school? You’ve made me excited to see the penguins now! Hehe can’t wait!”

“Hehe ok then, it’s a date! I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 10am?”

“Sure! I’ll you see tomorrow then! Have a safe drive back home and good night”.

Meguro pulls a trick just like he did to Abe back in Hokkaido – locking the door the moment Abe about to get out.

Abe turns his head around with an annoyed expression, his fingers clicking to unlock the door manually and immediately open the door.

“See you tomorrow, Meguro-kun”, Abe says, with a breathy, sultry voice.

Abe waves before he entered his apartment complex.

Meguro raises one fist to the air, as if celebrating a victory. He had thought of bringing Abe to another date tomorrow since the cruise. He prayed, that if Abe agrees to go on the date, he will officially ask Abe to be his lover. Now that his prayer is answered, he has some planning to do. He also has to prepare emotionally, so the confession will go smoothly. He makes another prayer.

“May he accept me as his lover”.

You are my love trigger

I want to wallow in the feelings, just like this

Forever and ever

“Yo! We’re matching! Haha! I guess we think alike, huh?”

Both Abe and Meguro are amused at this situation. But Meguro especially, is more than happy. Because they already look like a couple right now.

They are dressed appropriately for an aquarium date. They both are wearing marine blue jacket. Meguro is wearing a similar marine blue singlet as an undershirt, paired with marine blue joggers. He uses the same shoes that he wore yesterday. Meanwhile, Abe is wearing a marine blue shirtwaist. Definitely designed for women. However, it doesn’t look out of place for Abe. He is looking gorgeous in it. Meguro thought. Abe is wearing white chinos and he completes the look with marine blue sneakers. Meguro also notices that Abe is wearing a dangling glass earring in a snowflake shape at his right ear. Meguro smiles. Today is starting good. And it’s going to get better and special.

They arrived at their destination about 40 minutes later. They buy admission tickets from the ticket machine and proceed to enter the underwater world. Inside the building, there is actually not just aquarium, as in rows of tanks displaying marine life. Upon entering, there are numbered routes people should follow. Firstly, they are greeted with big walls of Sakura projection mapping. Abe and Meguro take turns to pose for photos here. Next, they move on to the “Magical Ground”. There is a photo booth where you can pay to get your photos taken, with the background of the sea world. A good souvenir indeed. Meguro puts his right arm over Abe’s shoulders and Abe leans his head onto Meguro’s chest, while they make a peace sign. Clicks! The cameraman gives them a ticket that they should keep to fetch their printed photos at the souvenir shop when they finish their aquarium tour. What’s interesting is that there’s also a merry-go-round next to the photo booth. Instead of the usual horses’ ride, there are different kinds of undersea creatures presented there.

They are transported to a celestial world of cherry blossoms, where there are cherry blossoms projections on the wall, the ceiling and even on the ground. However, this part exhibits some small underwater creatures such as seahorse. As they go deeper, the space turns darker and right then do they get that aquarium atmosphere. They are seeing bigger creatures now such as koi fish and frogs. Interestingly, there is also a drinking bar and even a pirate ship, that people are able to ride on, at this section of the building. Meguro initially suggested that they should hop on the pirate ship but after seeing the long que, he cancelled his decision. They quickly move on to the 4th route called Jellyfish Ramble. Here, they enjoy the ethereal view of different species of jellyfish in cylinder tanks.

Little Paradise is the next section they went into. This part exhibits even bigger creatures such as sharks and stingrays. There is a photo spot arch so both of them stop to take some photos there. The next route which are the Wild Street and Jungle area, mainly exhibit creatures like chameleon and seal.

They go to the upper level, to the stadium next - to catch a dolphin show. The stadium is already almost full the moment they arrived but they manage to get seats on the 5th row. It is known that dolphins are smart creatures. Meguro and Abe believe in it more after seeing the show. There is also a penguin show and a capybara feeding show at the outdoor square, so they move there respectively afterwards. That is the end of their aquarium tour. They head to the souvenir shop next to the stadium to fetch their printed photos. They also bought matching bangle bracelet with photos of cute pinniped (or commonly known as seal) on them. The color of the bangle also matches the color they are wearing today so after they bought them, Abe immediately snaps some photos of them wearing the bangles. They head to the food court next to replenish their energy. Meguro is getting more restless as time goes by. He wishes himself a good luck, as the time for him to profess his feelings is getting nearer.

If everything can be forgotten and overlaid

We’ll go together

Just pull the trigger

I won’t let you go

Let’s get it now

“Ahh~ I’m full~ That was a good meal!”, Abe exclaims in happiness.

They decided to share a huge sized Margherita Pizza for lunch. They will be heading to Nikon Museum next, as discussed during their lunch earlier.

Before exiting the building they are currently in, they come across a clear glass room named “Feel The Chill – Snow Room”. It is basically a small room covered with real snow, with temperature set at 14degrees Fahrenheit. There are also some artificial trees in there to create an outdoor vibe.

“Let’s go in! We rarely get to experience snow here in Tokyo!”, Meguro suggests. They are amazed. The room is cold and even for a while, they can’t believe they are able to experience snow out of season.

“Abe-kun, I’m sorry but can you help me take pictures from the outside?”

“Yeah, sure!” Abe goes outside and snaps some photos of Meguro inside the Snow Room as instructed.

Abe is about to go back inside when Meguro makes a “Wait” gesture. Then he gestures Abe to come closer to the glass, in front of where Meguro is currently standing.

Meguro breathe out onto the glass. The cold temperature inside creating a condensation to form on the surface of the glass, emerging as a fog. Abe patiently waits as Meguro write “Can” on the glass.

Meguro moves a step to his left. He breathes onto the glass again and now he writes “You”. He moves another step and repeats the process again. “Be”. Finally, Meguro is one step closer to the door. This time, he writes “My Lover”.

Meguro opens the door.

“Can you be my lover?”

Abe is at lost for words. He doesn’t expect Meguro will ask him out this way or even the fact that he’s considering Abe to be his partner. Honestly, Abe is so touched.

“I like you, Abe-kun. I like you so much. I’m in euphoria whenever you’re around. I feel a flip-flopping here (pointing at his stomach) every time I meet you. My heart’s racing, my palms sweating more than usual and I’ve been thinking about you a lot that I had trouble sleeping on time. I realized that these are symptoms of falling in love. I have fallen in love with you, Abe-kun. Please be my boyfriend”.

Even in this situation, Meguro is being polite that he bows at the end of his speech. He doesn’t raise his head, until Abe speaks up, in a quiet voice. “Yes, I do”.

Meguro raise his head a little. “Say that again, please”.

Abe takes a deep breath. “Yes, I will be your lover, Meguro-kun”.

Meguro jumps in joy and instantly gives Abe a bear hug.

“I love you, Abe-kun! I love you so much!”

Abe returns the hug and whispers a “Thank you”.

With the Snow Room as a background, Meguro thought it was already setting up a nice romantic atmosphere. Meguro pulls off from the hug and stares deep into Abe’s hazel eyes, then moves to Abe’s cute nose, then finally, to Abe’s red, plump lips. Meguro reaches down for a kiss, but Abe hits his chest, stopping him.

“I…want to let you know my feelings too…I felt all the similar things you felt. I’m also head over heels for you but it never crossed my mind that you will be in love with me too. I realized who I am, so I thought I am no match and you deserved someone better. I’m very…touched…Thank you for choosing to love me. I really appreciate it”.

A tear escapes from Abe’s eyes. Meguro brushes the tear off. He feels relieved upon hearing Abe’s confession. Meguro presses his forehead onto Abe’s, inhaling Abe’s scent and eventually he asks, “Can I kiss you now?”

Abe chuckles. He is feeling shy at the moment but eventually he closes his eyes and faces upwards.

Their first kiss is a sweet one. Starts with a simple peck. Then Meguro dares to kiss Abe’s top lip, so Abe responds by kissing Meguro’s bottom lip. Meguro proceeds to use his tongue to lick open Abe’s mouth, but it seems that Abe is not ready yet. He pushes Meguro by the chest again.

“One step at a time, my dear”.

Meguro gives an open-mouth smile. It’s alright. He is more than satisfied for now.

“Shall we go now, Mr. Boyfriend?” Abe slides his right hand into Meguro’s left, linking all their fingers.

“We shall”.

Abe and Meguro now, officially create their love story.

They finally find each other’s half, and they hope this love will never fades.

Under the fleeting Sakura petals, they walk hand in hand.

You are my love trigger

A dangerous flavor, but I want ya

The moment our eyes met

I’m Going crazy

Going crazy for you, oh God

I’m craving for your love

[Epilogue]

“See! I told you my instinct is never wrong!”, Raul exclaims.

Raul and the two lovebirds are currently chilling out at Watanabe Café. Abe got off work earlier today. Abe asked if Raul was able to come earlier for the tutoring and he did. Since they finished early, Abe decided to treat Raul at his favorite café, in addition to breaking the news of him and Meguro being a couple. By the time Abe and Raul arrived at the café, they saw Meguro was about to finish working for the day, at the café’s garden. Abe greeted his boyfriend and Meguro told them that he would be joining them at the table soon.

“Congrats, sensei and Meme! May you guys excel in this relationship. I’m looking forward to hear more of your love story!”, Raul cry out in joy.

It has been a week since Abe and Meguro officially become lovers. Watanabe, who overheard the whole conversation the couple had with Raul, also chimed in to congratulate them.

“So you guys are a couple now, huh? So happy for you both. Congrats!”

“Thank you, Watanabe-san. By the way, how do you like the garden so far? Just another session, then if you are satisfied, we will finish the contract”.

“I’m more than impressed with your work, Meguro-san. I believe the customers will find the garden, a pleasant spot too. I’m considering getting your service again for the garden maintenance. Is that possible?”

“Sure! I will bring over the paperwork on our next session. We shall sign another contract, ok?”

Abe is happy to hear his boyfriend getting a praise for his work. He hopes Zarigani Landscaping will continue to strive.

“Speaking of business – Abe-kun! I just received a call this afternoon to meet a client at Akita tomorrow. If you are free, let’s go together. I’ll booked the flight tickets now”.

“Sure! I would love to! Just let me know the price yeah”.

“Hehe no worries, this one is on me”.

And Raul is left witnessing the couple cutely bickering about the travel payment.

“Ahh~ It must be nice to be in love. I wonder…when will I find mine?”

He takes another sip of his honey lemon soda and continue observing his sensei, now resting his head comfortably on his cousin’s chest, while they both giggling, eyes on Meguro’s smartphone. They met as seatmates on the plane by coincidence. Few months later, they planned their seats together. Raul thought dreamily, this occurrence is so romantic. "Ahh~ I want a lover too~"

I want your love, I want your love, I want your love

Oh baby

I need your love, I need your love, I need your love

Oh baby

“Ojamashimasu”

Abe and Meguro check-in to a business hotel in Akita the next day. Since Meguro’s meeting is scheduled in the late evening, they departed Tokyo in the afternoon. Today is Saturday. They will be staying at the hotel for a night and tomorrow, they will try to explore Akita a little bit.

“My client’s site is 5 minutes away from here. But I believe we have a lot to discuss. It might take a while. I might even get a dinner with them later so you don’t have to wait for me and you can go explore the city. Just be careful, ok?”

Abe nods in understanding. “Sure. All the best and take care!”

Before Meguro leaves, he gives Abe a kiss on the forehead and a peck on the lips. “See you later”.

Meguro left.

*Kyun! Kyun!

They are already acting like a married couple. Is what Abe thought.

Abe goes out to explore the neighborhood near the hotel. He goes inside some vintage shops, a nice, old-school coffee shop and a family diner for dinner. As he walks around town, he takes note of some establishments that he finds interesting, for work purposes. He updates Meguro of his whereabouts until he gets back to the hotel at around 8.30pm. Meguro’s last text was at 8pm, informing Abe that the client is indeed inviting him for a dinner and that he will be back at the hotel as soon as they are done. Abe decides to take a bath first and maybe watch a TV while waiting for Meguro to return.

Meguro hasn’t returned yet when Abe finished his bath. After taking that warm bath, Abe feels sleepy. He lays his head on the pillow, still in his bathrobe, and falls into a deep slumber.

“Tadaima!”

Meguro enters the room. But there is no answer. After removing his shoes, he slowly goes further inside.

He is greeted by a breathtaking view of his lover, sleeping peacefully on the bed, in a bathrobe. The view is inviting, and Meguro have to admit, he is somewhat aroused.

Once he reaches the bed, he sits down on the edge, then softly caressing his lover’s face, admiring the sight in front of him.

Abe stirs up from his sleep. “Meguro-kun? Okaeri”, the man murmurs, sleepily.

Abe tries to sit up, but before he could do so, he was pushed back to lay on the bed by his lover. He gasps in surprised. Meguro is looking at him, with dark eyes. Abe knows that look.

Lust.

“I’m still hungry, my sleeping beauty. You’re looking so delicious right now that I want to go ahead and feast on you”, says Meguro, with a deep voice.

The light is already dim. The mood is set. Meguro’s right hand then moves down to open the slit of Abe’s bathrobe, and caresses Abe’s thigh.

“Ahn~” A sweet moan emits out of Abe’s mouth.

Meguro brings his face closer. “Do you want it?”, he whispered exactly into Abe’s left ear.

Abe’s eyes are hazy. He too, is getting pretty much stimulated right now.

He reaches up to wrap his arm around Meguro’s neck. And initiating a deep, passionate kiss. Their tongues battle for dominance, but Abe immediately gives in, accepting the ecstasy from this pleasure.

After they pull away from the kiss for breath, with a breathless voice full of yearning, Abe says:

“Savor me. Let my essence linger on your palate”.

They fulfilled their raging inferno of love throughout the night.

Meguro promised, from now on too, he will continue to find ways to keep Abe’s heart, throbbing for him.

You are my love trigger

I want to wallow in the feelings, just like this

Forever and ever

===END===

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

HHHHHHHHFFFFFFFHFFFHGFY 👀👀👀 <333333

Give it up for the Fallen stars!!!

Shattered.

Berror

Soulless

OKAY

But just…what if they were a punk/rock band though!?!?!?!

That off stage they are there old normal selves, kind of more passive. But then on stage they embodied stage names and personas? And very few people could recognize them off stage without the make up and outfits.

These were so fun to draw!!! Omgggggggg

This hole thing was heavily inspired by this comic by @zu-is-here as well as her shattered design.

Does that mean I intended for this to be in the same story as the bad sans band? Hmm well it could work.

But I also have ideas about how this could be an au all of its own, so I guess I’ll leave that up to you for now.

Also ink plays the guitar and it’s shaped like a paint brush.

Just saying..

Original shattered dream belongs to @galacii

Original dream belong to and jokublog

Original ink by Comyet

Original blue berror by crayon queen

[rouiyan]

𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘚 𝘚𝘏𝘐𝘙𝘛 𝘖𝘍 𝘏𝘐𝘚 [ 𝘭.𝘫𝘯 ]

⧏ part of the 2020 home for the holidays collective ⧐

synopsis: jeno decides that, this time around, he would rather risk heartbreak than love you in silence for seven more years.

✧ lee jeno x (fem.) reader) ✧ childhood best friends to loverz, next door neighbor au, (mentioned college au)

✧ genres : fluff, angst, slight comedy ✧ word count : 19.3k ✧ disclaimers : swearing, underage swearing (?), shirtless jeno, legal alcohol consumption

✧ author’s note — i am unsure as to why you would spend your christmas reading this heckin long fic, but in the case that you do, i hope that you enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it. it’s longest fic i’ve written thus far (though only by a hundred or so words) so happy reading <3 and i’ll see you around :D

jeno’s glad his mom’s asked him to go to the grocery store, a two minute walk away, to grab some eggs, a tub of sugar-free yogurt, and a breath of fresh air—the most welcome change of pace to his stuffy bedroom or the dust of the stale garage. he thinks he's the first of his high school graduating class to arrive back in town for the winter but it’s here at the store that jeno sees you for the first time in years. his hand, the right one, clutching an empty basket goes limp and he's two steps away from being fully unconcealed by the far end of the dairy aisle. surely, he must look like a creep with only his head peeping out.

it's been years. your hair is now a faded silvery brown, presumably dyed, and gathered into a messy ponytail. the ends of your hair fight with the hood of your sweatshirt, a distilled blue and loose fitting atop a pair of gray sweats. and the basket, looped upon your left elbow, is as empty as his own but you're overturning a can of condensed milk in your other hand, eyes scrutinizing the packaging for the expiration date, the later the better.

he would go and say hi, maybe even strike up a conversation, ask you how you’ve been, but he can’t bring himself to because he’s wearing that one bright green shirt from his seventh grade math competition that is certainly not up to your liking nor preference. really, it’s not that he thinks you'd judge him, knowing you, you’d probably get a good laugh from it and move on, but things have changed since then.

you are no longer the girl he walked to middle school with everyday in the mornings, in the afternoons. and jeno is no longer the boy that was the same height as you; the glasses are long gone and so is the thirteen year old boy who'd cried at his mom for telling him he'd have to go to a different high school than you. things are different and things have changed.

it was all this, paired with the gut feeling that if he went up to you, shirt stretched out like a muscle tee, he’d simply be cowering in your presence. jeno had not the faintest idea you’d be returning this winter since the last three years were spent without (and the four before, though that was only because he lacked the guts to ring the doorbell three houses down). he sticks his head back before you notice him. rerouting, he goes for a stroll in the chips aisle and then right back to the dairy after he sees the slightest indication of your sweatpant cuffs rounding the corner. 

jeno catches his breath there. he gets the goods and makes a beeline for the cash register, keeping his head down and nearly toppling into the display tower of canned corn along the way. the lovely granny at the register, with a nametag labeled 'poppy' on her pink cardigan, is kind enough to check up on his tattered state as she squints at the barcode to scan the yogurt, "young man, are you alright? you're panting awfully hard there."

he only realizes he's spaced out when she repeats with added concern, "sir? do you need some water or-"

"oh, no- i- no, thank you. i'm-" he clears his throat, a plastered smile to aid in his response, "i'm quite alright, thank you." she gives a faltering smile back, one meant to assure, as she discloses his total, "that'll be seven dollars and forty-eight cents." the items are bagged and handed over to him with a receipt. he's in the midst of giving the kind lady a nod in thanks, in the midst of turning and heading in the direction of the exit, in the midst of taking that first step to freedom, the land of no pressures, when he hears your voice from behind, "jeno? is that you?" 

well, shit. he swallows thickly. conscious of his every move, he turns deliberately, the plastic bag hanging, swinging to hit his knee and a hand coming up to the scruff of his neck. he turns to see you next in line, smiling and approaching him with paced steps. only, in his mind, it seems as if you are charging towards him at full speed. although conscious of his every move, jeno unconsciously takes a step back. "y- yeah, that's me."

you beam at the words, setting the basket on your hip as you empty the items onto the checkout conveyor belt. "gosh, i knew it!" he sees your favorite gummy worms, a pack of those flamin' hot cheeto fries which are admittedly too spicy for you to handle, both in the mix of what seems to be baking ingredients. dusting your hands off with two definitive swipes, you fist them and set them on your hips, an adorable pose if he were to be honest. hand falling to his side, jeno watches as a corner of your lip lifts into an emerging grin, "so, how have you been?"

he almost coughs as his words tumble their way into air, "i've been well, home for break, you know, from college and stuff." huh, he thinks, not a bad start.

apparently not because you giggle in turn, "well, obviously." the way you gesticulate your hands with each spoken word strikes familiarity within him. "you don't have to be so vague, jen, we were best friends at one point, remember?" the hand is back at his neck as if it never left, the nickname you had used making him squeak, "yeah, of course i remember." jeno watches as you stare for an awfully long time (two seconds) at his shirt. he knows you're just a thought away from commenting on it when dear mrs. pops clears her throat, a half-apologetic smile on her face, "your total will be sixty-four dollars and twelve cents." your eyes go wide, "oh shit- i mean, oh no!" you feel odd swearing around an elderly though you're really only muttering to yourself, "did i buy that much stuff?"

for some odd reason that he's unable to pinpoint just yet, jeno perks up at that and, seemingly involuntarily, offers, "i got you." he slips his wallet back out, eyeing the twenty dollar bill clutched in your hand. jeno holds out a fifty to mrs. poppy and she takes it before you can protest. you protest anyways, "jeno, wait- no, you don't need to- i could just take some stuff out, you know." he merely nods along, a small smile edging upwards on his lips. mrs. poppy hands you the change and your bagged items and you shove the bills towards jeno who, though no longer needed, is just standing there. he refuses with a shake of his head and hand in tandem, leading the way to the exit but before the two of you make it two steps, mrs. poppy smiles wide before mumbling, most likely meant to herself but discernible to your ears anyways, "looks like someone has a crush on you, dearie."

jeno's heart speeds erratically, again for reasons he has yet to comprehend, and his head snaps to make sure you hadn't heard what he'd just heard. eyes wide upon realizing you had, his head snaps back into place to avoid your teasing gaze. jeno utters a curt, "see you around," the second he's out the automated doors and speed walks to his car, the contents of the plastic bag jostling with each ushered step. 

the door to his pristine condition '93 chevrolet vette, his baby, shuts behind him. the grocery bag is set in the passenger's seat, mindlessly. jeno starts up the engine but stays put. he can see you across the parking lot, trying to find the keys to your hyundai kona, the white one that's now a certified gray. he chuckles.

he chuckles at the fact that it's been years upon years and you still have yet to fail to put a smile on his face. he chuckles at the fact that it's been years and your cheery, snarky persona has not changed one bit. he chuckles at the fact that he stills finds every aspect of you effortlessly charming, for so many and no reasons all at once. he chuckles at the fact that he still, still feels the need to impress you every chance he gets. perhaps, things haven't changed all that much.

"i'm home!"

shuffling off your shoes, you hear snippets of your mom's voice coming from the living room. a hand on the doorframe, you push yourself up, only to realize that she isn't even talking to you. rather, and upon entering the room, she's on the phone, unaware of your entrance and exclaiming into the jabbed speaker as she crochets a baby blue piece into existence. stepping into her line of vision, you give her a small smile in return to her nod of acknowledgement before moving on into the kitchen.

you've only just finished up with storing the flour into the pantry when you notice your mom has followed you into the kitchen as well, phone supposedly hung up. she sets her elbows, leaning, onto the counter as she watches you put away the baking goods. there's a glint in her eyes that you're wary of. sure enough, "guess what?"

"mom, i'm not interested in going on another blind date. not after what happened last time with that son of your cowork-"

"no, no, nothing like that," and though her words contradict what you thought was to be another stood up date, you're still on edge for the glint in her eyes has anything but subsided, "i was just going to inform you that mrs. lee's son is back in town."

your eye roll reverts itself halfway. crossing the room, you lean opposite of her on the counter. "you mean jeno?" she nods in slight confoundment. "yeah, i just saw him." your mother leans a little further and her voice comes out bordering a whisper though no one is around to hear but you and there's nothing scandalous to what she's saying, "mrs. lee tells me he's almost six feet tall! is that true?" you lean forward as well, not in interest, but in actuality to grab at the nutmeg extract. "pfft, as if. i'd say five eleven at best."

the humor in your eyes is enough to get your mom to defend her trusted source, "oh, i bet he's getting there." you shake your head, "he's twenty-one mom, i doubt he's still growing." turning your back on her to prop open the spice rack, her voice mumbles along, "you never know…" she relents and moves onwards to the next topic in line, eyes eager, "so, did you get to talk to him?" 

she's busying herself with tying up the plastic bags for later use as trash can liners when you turn back around, "i did but i mean, it was short," you gesture to the rest of the food you've yet to put away, "but he did pay for most of this." her face is drawn in teasing and she's about to comment on 'how sweet of him that was' when she realizes what you'd just said. "why? did you not have enough money?"

"no, i only brought a twent-"

she hits you lightly with a tied bag before sticking it in the compartment under the sink with a huff, "how dumb can you be to only bring twenty dollars to a grocery store? especially with all that junk food you always buy." now that's the motherly nagging you're more used to. but the teasing comes back soon after when you're upon exiting the kitchen in favor of changing out your clothes. "why don't i make some food for them so you have an excuse to pay him a visit?"

you very clearly remember your mother's propositions of your wedding all those years ago, after you'd gotten your first boyfriend. she didn't even really like him but it was enough that you did. she'd sworn her preparations were all neat and ready when you'd sat her down to tell her that you'd broken up with him. turning on your heel, your mother's eyes expectant, you give her a knowing shake of your head, a warning for ever since that first boyfriend, you'd refused to tell her a thing about your love life, a torturous prospect for her and just the right thing to ward off any of her coming interventions.

as for her incessant questions that were still sure to come, you supply her with this, "i'm sure he'll come visit us first!"

and in some way, you're right.

head and hands on the wheel, you let out the shakiest of breaths, and another and another until the air before you is laden thick with heat. you release the knuckle-white grip that held the wheel, the pads of your finger an angry red. sighing, you let yourself fall back in the seat with your sights set on the blinking red light under the speedometer, your ears ringing at the blaring alarm. another sigh escapes your lips, vaguely resembling a shudder, as you jerk the keys from the ignition. the red light and the alarm cease and you exit your car.

jeno nearly crashes as he turns the corner onto his street. he didn't expect to see you so soon after the horrid scene at the grocery store the other day, the other day being yesterday. he slows the car as he approaches your driveway, rolls down the window of the opposite seat and ducks, only to see you, hands fisted and on your hips, a similar stance to the one he'd seen yesterday; he blushes unknowingly. 

the purr of a nearing car sounds from behind and you whip around to catch the red finish of his vette as it comes to a stop along the sidewalk. tucking a lip under teeth, you cross the length of your driveway to meet the boy in the car. the crease in your brow unsettles him. he clears his throat, "hi, y/n. fancy seeing you around here."

"jeno, i live three houses down from you."

he's not in that green shirt anymore, thank goodness, and he'd prepared for this exact scenario with a slightly more put together outfit. the outfit consisting of a hoodie and sweatpants with his socks and sandals. but now that he thinks about it, he still feels slightly underprepared, "that's right…," he does his best to not sound unintelligent, "what happened there?"

"ahh," fisted hands are back on your hips and a war is brewing within him, fighting to keep his composure. you look back at your car, which looks fine to the eye, "apparently i have a flat tire and i-"

"were you driving when it happened?" jeno gets out of his car as he speaks, questions shooting like rapidfire, "was it on the freeway? how bad is it- wait no, are you injured?"

jeno and his furrowed brows are fast advancing on you and you take a step back in surprise but under the guise of moving back towards your car. genuinely, you weren't quite sure why you hadn't thought of jeno being a 'car person,' especially when that's exactly what his car tells of him. "i don't really know but the alarm went off right before i got off the freeway so nothing serious happened." the two of you tread down the side of your house, back up the driveway. "which one is it- oh, i see." jeno bends down the side of the rear left wheel, a solid smack and squeeze applied and he looks up and back at you, "a nail probably, you got a spare?"

you nod, "i'm pretty sure." crossing your legs you cock an eyebrow at him, at your suspicions. there's something about you being right about all your little inklings because he confirms them almost instantaneously, "i can fix it up for you then," a smile eases onto his face as yours perks up, "really? i mean you really don't have to, i can just go get it-"

"how are you gonna get the car to the shop then?"

and that's how jeno finds himself hauling the car jack from his garage, to yours while you cradle the tools needed in both hands, trailing behind him. he gets to work with the wheel cover as you maneuver around your own garage for the spare and when you find it, you sigh. sighs, seem to be very plentiful, maybe a preferred form of communication this one day. "jen," you wedge yourself back to the driveway between your mom's car and the built-in cabinets. jeno's eyes are focused upon the lug nuts but his eyebrows are raised in expectancy.

"gosh, i'm sorry, but it's- the spare's kinda heavy...do you mind? you know…" you feel bad for asking, almost reluctant but with a wave in the general direction of your hands, he gets it well enough, "oh, it's no problem. i'm here to help you anyways." jeno retrieves the tire with a smile on his face.

you stand off to the side and watch as he raises the back end of the car (seven inches, he said), removes the loosened lug nuts, pulls off the flattened tire, and pushes the spare into place. you give remarks and ask questions once and awhile, all of which must seem pretty dumb to him though he answers each one with a smile and a reassurance to make sure you've understood. tightening the bolt, replacing the tire cover, and lowering the car is done within minutes and he's left rubbing his sullied hands on the towel hung upon his shoulder.

jeno stands and looks over at you. the little complacent smile you've put to show tells a lot about how bothersome you feel in the moment. "you don't have to feel bad, y/n. i offered."

you nod as he packs up his things, blindly handing over the wrench and uttering a thank you in your daze. heading inside, you note that the heater is on and that the window next to the door offers a view of the busying boy. you watch as he leaves and you watch as he comes back again to drive his car up into his garage. 

there's something about your inclinations that you can't shake. either the fact that you haven't been home in three years is really getting to you, maybe you're just horny, or whatever is brewing in that head of yours is telling you that first loves stick with you even when they're gone, even when you've been given reasons to get over them, and even when you really are over them.

but when they're there, when he's there, in all his glory, there's only so much you can refuse.

thirteen-year-old donghyuck is a mean little shit, that we all know, and when he eventually pieces one and one together to make two, he's bound to act on it.

especially when one is the fact that you've been skipping out at lunch for "group project" reasons for the past two months and the other one is that jeno has also been skipping out at lunch for "club meeting" reasons, also for the past two months. he's dumbfounded at the fact that it's taken him this long to track the two of you down and he almost wants to laugh at the situation at hand. 

donghyuck guesses the slats of the bleachers block him out of your view, but he's certainly in the perfect spot to see the both of you, under the bleachers sitting atop jeno's jacket, meaning that there was barely a space in between you and him. his pride would have been hurt, after all his newest revelation comes in the discovery of his two best friends leaving him with jaemin and renjun during lunchtimes, also his best friends but he grumbles at the thought of being left with those two (one being a flirty little shit and the other an annoying little shit, not all that different from himself; you'd think he'd tone down his mean-ness after witnessing, firsthand, renjun's mirror antics).

a hand of yours is flipping through the pages of a textbook while the other holds a subway sandwich, at which he observes jeno to steal bites from every time you look away towards the book. the scene sprawls into a mess as you begin to notice when jeno tugs particularly hard at the string of cheese that's been pulled far too long. the boy gets a flick on the forehead and an impish smile forms; he almost looks elated to be caught by you. 

before he even knows it, donghyuck's onto something, and much more than something he can simply tease you about, oh no, this is the real deal. he reroutes his mind to the image he'd retired from—ducking his head back under the cover of the bush—to the image of you and jeno, smiley, giddy, and secluded from everyone else. the image of jeno and the little giggles he gives as red blossoms on his forehead from where you'd flicked him. and the image of you and your suppressed smile as you try to retain your thinly-veiled frustrations from him. this is it, his friends are falling in love. he's convinced and he also has now appointed himself as the wingman, the cupid in disguise.

the thing is, we're talking about donghyuck (mean little shit) here, not jaemin. so when jeno waltzes into his shared sixth period class, spewing some apparent nonsense of how his club meeting went, (perhaps something that you and him had mutually and meticulously coordinated), donghyuck sits him down in the seat next to him and leans in for a whisper, "i'm gonna ask out y/n today, what do you think?" 

jeno doesn't respond, he doesn't even seem to have remotely heard him. or if he did, he must've suddenly underwent a malfunction of sorts because the boy is quite literally just sitting there, staring listlessly at the empty beaker and the lab tools in front of him.

"jeno? are you hearing me?"

lee jeno, instead of feeling a sudden urge to race donghyuck to the finish line, to confess to you before he does, rather feels defeated, deflated, discouraged. donghyuck is a terrible judge of his character for he pushes on, "do you think i should do it right after school today or tomorrow?"

he gulps and while his eyes are still deep in rumination, his mouth is already squeaking the worries have come to haunt him in the last thirty seconds, "you like her?" donghyuck's eyes glint with mischief that the heavens wish jeno hadn't missed though fair enough, they think, because his thoughts are all over the place as donghyuck goes on to respond, "yeah, i've liked her for awhile now," sounds familiar," been wanting to tell her for the longest time," me too, "and i've been kinda scared to," well i'm scared shitless, "but i think i'm ready now," i'm not. 

"i think you should go for it," jeno deadpans, eyes still trained on the glass, 500 mL beaker that is very interesting.

donghyuck nearly jumps out of his seat, "wait what?!" 

"yeah, you should jus- why're you so surprised- no, why are you even asking me?" jeno finds it much easier to play the role of a supportive friend rather than a jealous rival. he thinks it was rather dumb of him to assume that he was the only one going after you all these months and that he could take his sweet time in confessing and growing your relationship. at least, that's usually how his classroom daydreams go. 

but at the same time, they only go that way because though it really has been a few long months, jeno knows that he's still a long way from making his sentiments known to you. he's a reliable kind of guy, who's reliance is often built upon trust. and while the little folder in his mind of all the possible telltale signs that you like him back has been steadily growing, he needs to know definitively for really, thirteen-year-old jeno lacks the courage. even more so now that his best friend, donghyuck, displays the exact courage he needs to confess. jeno figures that his folder must be gargantuan in comparison.

donghyuck doesn't confess to you, not at all, but he makes a show of rushing out the class right when the clock strikes three, leaving jeno to collapse into himself in utter despair. shoulders hunched over, he counts the minutes until he deems it safe to leave. his chair scrapes the floor with a resounding squeak as he stands up, the chemistry classroom now empty. running his fingers through his hair, he makes sure he doesn't cross paths with you as he navigates for the exit, purposely avoiding the area of the campus with your locker and last class. 

jeno makes it home with a heavy heart, far heavier than what could be the doing of any simple crush. stupid of him to think it a simple crush when the tug of his heart squelches and sqirms like there's no tomorrow, but it's only years after that he realizes the ache in his heart was the payoff of his first love.

he'll admit that he's never asked what actually happened that day, a part of him was terrified to even imagine the prospects of you and donghyuck being a thing. and even if that wasn't the case, he wasn't keen to risk it in the first place. 

so jeno cries on the night his mother bore him the news that he'd be transferring schools. he'd have friends there, sure, jaemin had made the same decision and chenle was to follow in the year after. he'd have the opportunity to make new friends, to start fresh as a high school student but the biggest problem he faced was that there would be no you.

no you to greet in the hallways two minutes before class as you rushed your books into your backpack, slamming your locker shut in a frenzy with your elbow. no you to catch dozing off in history, math, english, and probably all the other classes he didn't but wished he shared with you. no you to sneak off with during lunch, far from your noisy (and nosy) friends and a hair's distance apart from each other. no you to stare at when class gets a little too boring, to share an eraser with, to brush fingers with, to steal bites of a sandwich from.

jeno cries because he'll never get the chance to ask you to prom, he's quite sure you'd never want to attend another school's. he cries because he doubts he'll have the fortitude to text you on a daily, to text you at all, to keep in touch. he cries because in his eyes, the dwindling remainders of your relationship are coming to a close.

one day or another, it'll come to him that it was because of those very thoughts that they actually do.

"oh no, no you definitely planned for this to happen."

"did not!"

"so you're telling me that having me go three houses down to ask the boy that you just so happen to think is cute and the same age as your daughter to go tree shopping with me because you can't carry a tree and dad just so happens to be at work right when you desperately need the tree-" your rambling ceases abruptly as you struggle to find the correct structure of your question that, for emphasis purposes, had derailed itself, "...is all just happenstance?"

"yes," your mother has the straightest look on her face. you're sure she's having a hard time keeping it that way. "unbelievable." she keeps the straight face pretty well and the staring contest you're currently participating in with the snowman candle behind her is futile and broken as you grumble, "fine." your mother has the gall to lift her face into a smile almost immediately upon hearing that.

in all honesty, your reflection in the mirror looks pretty damn good. after spending the few of your days back home in tracksuits and large tees—a minimum effort outfit—dressing up a tad bit for today was certainly not a bad idea, your favorite green corduroy coat making its appearance in the december cold.

the same reflection can be seen in the glass of jeno's front door, the door that swings open right as you're about to ring the doorbell for the third time. his mother is the one who answers and she seems a great deal surprised. "y/n! oh wow, you've grown quite a bit since i last saw you."

you giggle with her, partially out of incredulity because of course you've grown, the last time you really saw her was at your middle school graduation. "it's nice to see you, mrs. lee." she opens the door wide, the smile on her face beaming just as wide, "i assume you're here to see jeno. let's see," the door shuts behind you, "he should be over in the garage," and she leads the way through the house, the layout teeming with renewed familiarity. 

"the garage is just down there, sweetie," pointing at the door far down the hall, to the left, "tell me if you guys need anything, okay?"

"will do," you give her a warm smile as she treads off.

pushing at the handle, you think first that jeno isn't there at all but then there's the sounds of metal clanking and his legs that are situated outwards from under one end of his car. in a fear to startle him with your presence, you decide upon a clearing of your throat and a small but sure, "jeno, it's me," to which he responds with a surprised grunt and the further clanking of his tools.

there's the squeaking of his mechanic's creeper before he draws himself straight before you. you nearly give a double take because, well because he's without a shirt, he's shirtless, he's half naked. however you want to put it, it's the dead of winter and he's standing there with his toned chest bare and glinting with sweat while the two of you furiously blush without even looking at each other.

"y/n," his voice comes out strained, "wha- what are you here for?" jeno fusses around hurriedly for a shirt, any shirt, any article of clothing, any piece of fabric. the shirt he eventually finds is almost enough to get him to put it back down but he's desperate. your eyes glimpse across his body once again, and entirely on accident, before he slips the bright green material over his head, your own head snapping in the other direction.

the two of you stand diagonally in opposition to each other, seemingly speaking to no one in particular, "i'm- i came to ask if you'd want to go christmas tree shopping with me? since i don't think i'd be able to by myself…?" you turn towards him, the tension in the air somewhat subsiding, the difference a mere shirt could make.

he stance is awfully rigid as he responds, "yeah, no yeah i can definitely go with you. right now though?"

"if it's not too much to ask of you then yes, right now."

"oh okay, i can do that, i jus-" jeno catches your line of vision dip down to his shirt, he squirms under your gaze, "-i, do you mind waiting for a bit while i get washed up?" eyes flitting back up to meet his, you nod fervently, "fine by me."

the shower runs in the background of your thoughts as you swing your legs off the side of jeno's bed, the same bed he had all those years ago that's sill littered with random pencil marks and stickers on the headboard. the walls adorn large prints of cars, none of which you can identify but you're intrigued nonetheless by how well his childhood room entwines his whole lifespan together. there's mvp trophies on the bookshelf just opposite of you and if you squint, you can see the fine print that spells 'lee jeno, 2015 varsity swim mvp.' a certificate on the wall titles his participation in some algebra competition, a few ribbons to demonstrate his scientific achievements, and a little under where those are pinned into the wall is a framed and familiar picture you haven't seen in a long while.

it's the five of you, eighth grade graduation, with mark behind the camera and chenle and jisung far off in the background. jeno's in the dead center with one arm draped around donghyuck and the other around you, though you're noticing for the first time how the arm around donghyuck falls limp while the arm around you is held tight. gears are turning and shifting in your mind but before you can come to any sort of conclusion on what that could possibly denote, the door to the bathroom on your left is held open.

jeno's dressed fittingly, you think, for christmas tree shopping that is. the green of his sweater matches the green of your jacket and jeno makes sure to comment on that as he reverses his car out of the driveway even though his choice in clothing was deliberately made to match your own. he catches a glimpse of your car in your own respective driveway on the way out the street and at that, he already has another conversation queued and in mind.

"you took your car to the shop, right?"

you find that your eyes dry out if you face them forward for too long, the heat blasting from the front is doing its job well enough. you don't complain though, jeno's just making sure it's not too cold in the car. "yeah, i went this morning. was also going to get it washed but my mom had other plans."

"other plans being making you go buy the tree, i'm guessing."

you click your tongue, "exactly."

silence hangs between the two of you as he veers into the freeway entrance, mulling over what to say next. bring two seven years disconnected best friends together and you'd think there'd be more to talk about but today must be an exception, the only other words exchanged being the following.

"you know, i could wash it for you."

"i've already asked you for too many favors."

"i mean," jeno gives a smile to the side, "you could help."

a smile of your own forms as you muse on, "i could."

"tomorrow?"

"tomorrow."

jeno pulls into a makeshift parking space for the vast christmas tree lot you've decided to buy from this year, your usual having moved further out of town disappointingly. although with all things considered, you doubt there's much of a difference between the trees that are leftover for the few days before christmas and as suspected, the selection isn't all that impressive.

your town and neighboring seemed to have taken a liking towards fraser firs this year, no surprise in that, which leaves the dilapidating alternatives of douglas and noble firs, both of which would be fine if one wasn't prone to browning in a week and the other wasn't so tall. jeno holds up the last of the trees up and you do your routine inspection by viewing it from three feet away to seven, and ten. the boy scrunches his nose as you give a shake of your head, "too full, how are we even gonna decorate it?" and he sets it back against the fencing with a huff, "now what?"

"now, we…," you're unsure as well, eyes roving across the farm to give any candidate of tree a second chance. that's when you're hit with a revelation, well two revelations. rather sardonically, the wilting pines of the trees lead you to the first of your revelations; you're quite literally standing in a tree graveyard and if you were to go so far as to compare it to a graveyard in itself, there comes the thought that you've came with the purpose of buying a poor, dead tree to take it home and prop it back up as if it were alive, dressing it and decorating it, only to throw it to the curb a few weeks later. funny how all your life that seemed perfectly rational.

but christmas is a tradition, and traditions don't necessarily have to die even though they're faulted from the start, certainly not if you can help it.

jeno gives an eensy yelp as in a sudden flurry, you take the sleeve of his sweater between two fingers and drag him down and through the aisles of decaying trees to find the very thing that'd ignite your little light bulb. he's dawdling behind you, best he can, as your steps quicken and stop almost as abruptly before a sizeable army of potted christmas trees, smaller but also more alive than the usual lot. "how's this then?"

"i'm on board," jeno's beside you now and ever-so-aware that your fingers are still gripping his sweater. it doesn't stop there, however, because now your hands are enveloping his arm in its entirety and you're speaking softly, "of course you are, you're not even needed anymore," the words coming close to his ears from the proximity you've set. they don't warrant a blush by any means and for certain, the reason he's blushing aren't the words, it's you.

you leave his side as you release your hold on his arm, though it seems as if he's the only one who notices. a few steps away, you crouch in front of one that suits your likings to a T. you barely notice jeno's presence behind you, reading off the tag and muttering to yourself, "sustainable, affordable, replantable, eco-friendly, a natural scent, convenient...oh boy, i think we get it." upon further observation you decide that this one's the one—the green is vibrant to the tips and it's just full enough that the pines poke out in all the directions needed to support a modest amount of tinsel. "jeno, i think this is it-"

really, you really really had no idea that he was right there, head right above your shoulder. if you had known, you wouldn't have turned your head in the first place, much less allowed your lips to brush his, however brief. evidently flustered, the two of you snap your sights back ahead, at the same time, with both your hearts beating at the same, turbulent pace. you bring a hand up to your lips, partially in shock and partially in the thought that you basically just kissed lee jeno.

"sorry about that, i didn't think you'd turn…"

even when he's speaking, you don't dare look over at him. but in comparison to the tempestuous replays you're imagining, jeno's thoughts rumble a deeper current than anything he's felt all winter break.

the pot of the chosen tree rests against his hip as he stands a little off to the side to let you pay. he watches you keenly and uses the opportunity to scrutinize what exactly about you makes him feel that one way. as of the late, he finds that none of his emotions are describable and it's frustrating to say the least when all he knows is that the cause of his inner turmoil is you. you and your little sniggers whenever his clumsy side acts out too much for his liking, you and your undeniable affection for all things sweet and all things spicy, and you and your fisted hands on your squared hips, a fighting stance perhaps, a ready-to-throw-hands stance most definitely.

but finally, he gives his feelings a name when he witnesses in the rear view mirror, you and the little smile that creases your eyes, lifts your cheeks, bares your teeth, as you strap in the potted plant to the back seat, giving it a gentle pat as if it were your own child. he names it 'the long lost crush, the one that got away, the second season of his middle school one-sided affair, the-'

"are we...gonna go?" 

jeno jumps in his seat, "huh? oh." hand on the gear stick, he avoids your gaze fervently and pulls out of the spot. there's a shift in the air, at least from his end, and he thinks it has something to do with how he's come to terms with the fact that he likes you, again. is he surprised? no. why not?

because he knows this much, the longer you're by his side, the less it can be helped. he remembers every night in high school when, even in the time the two of you'd stopped talking, he'd stare lethargically at his ceiling before he went to sleep and imagine you by his side. he remembers another handful of nights in college when, long after he'd thought he was well over you, he still found himself rethinking your smile and refiling that folder of his. time carried on, and though he didn't necessarily have a heartbreak for it to heal, it wouldn't have mattered anyways because in his case, time could never heal. not for him and not in the face of you.

so jeno laughs along with you when he trips over your front steps, he sets both hands on the doorframe and leans in ever so slightly to say his goodbyes, and when the door shuts behind him, he takes a good look back over his shoulder anyways, hoping that you'd pop your head at the window, that you'd catch his lingering gaze. jeno's steps are resolute because he's not thirteen anymore. it's no longer about whether you like him back or not, it's about dealing with the fact that he likes you. and if his coping mechanisms come in the form of pushing his bounds as just a friend, flirting an obscene amount, and perhaps even confessing, then so be it.

jeno decides that, this time around, he would rather risk heartbreak than love you in silence for seven more years.

propping a knee, you catch the back end of the trash bin before it can thud on the pavement beneath you. a huff and a grunt are uttered into the air as you push it against the fenced side of your house, to the curb. you slide it against the elevated sidewalk, down onto the road, and it gives a resounding thump as it hits the ground. you dust off your hands and pivot to retrieve the last one and upon setting that one down in the spot adjacent to the previous, in the corner of your eye is perceived a figure.

born of instinct, you almost rush back into the house, a case of kidnap tends to loom when you're a young adult female taking out the trash in the dead of night. but another glance is given and the silhouette draws familiar notion, broad shoulders and especial proportions, not to mention the bright green you catch in the light of his porch lamp. it's jeno, and a hand of his clamps over his nose as the other thrusts a plastic bag into the black bin. and it's when he turns to retreat into his residence that his eyes catch you as well and he jumps a bit, recollects himself, waves, and watches as you wave back in the hopes that he could maybe approach you. 

instead, he finds that you're the one approaching him and that somehow makes it all the more nerve-wracking as he rushes to meet you in the middle. even a simple, "hi," from you makes his cheeks grow warm. he's breathless when he speaks, and not because of the brisk actions he undertook prior, "hey there." 

"are we still on for tomorrow?"

jeno's mouth parts as he retraces his memory to extract what exactly was planned for tomorrow. "ahh, yeah i can do tomorrow...morning?" you clasp your hands behind your back as you nod along, "morning it is then." your lips quirk to the side as you place your gaze on anything but him, to pass time, perhaps to make the silence a little more bearable. jeno's voice is so low the next he speaks, it almost spooks you out of your wits, "have you met up with any of the boys yet?"

his eyes keep their track on you as you take a few steps to the edge of the curb, lowering yourself atop it, "well, i hung out with hyuck the other day," you motion for him to sit beside you and he follows suit, "and i think he mentioned wanting to do some reunion thing at his house. i don't know, i'll have to ask." jeno stirs in his thoughts for the time being. hyuck. though he'd kept in touch with the boy after middle school and a bit after high school, even his name brings up a shitload of memories. "have you?"

"huh?" his eyes whirl to meet yours, "oh. for me, mostly just jaem, and renjun too the other day."

conversation seems to flow intermittently between you two, ongoing or nonexistent at all, for another lapse of silence is thrown into the mix. the air is certainly not governed by awkwardness, jeno feels that the time you've spent with him in the last few days guarantees at least that. but it's also laden with a sort of tension you can't quite place, a territory you're unwilling to traverse into. you move past your thoughts and voice only a sliver of them aloud, suppositionally, "if- if we do meet up, like all of us, do you think it'll be weird?"

"weird how?"

"weird as in…well, a lot's changed, since we were thirteen, and we haven't been in a room together all at once, since we were thirteen."

"i don't know. i think," he shrugs, "i think we'll be fine, me and you at least." jeno likes saying 'we' when it pertains to you and him. he mumbles it over a few times, under his breath, and though it's not entirely out of your earshot, you're far too busy taking long and zoned-out glances at him to notice. that in itself is something he surely notices.

undoubtedly, you must not be the only person in the world to think that jeno grew up well. lee jeno is kind, kind enough to grant you all the favors you've asked of him. lee jeno is warm, you feel he emanates warmth even by simply sitting by his side. lee jeno is sincere, his smiles beam of genuinity and his words are coated in truth. and in the spotty moonlight, flitting in between the boughs of the tree just above, lee jeno is good looking, chiseled jaw, pretty lips, those eyes. but more than that, he lives up to his good looks. you can only wish you'd been there to see him grow up, to grow up with him.

"jen?"

"yes?"

you tap your toes alternatingly on the scratchy pavement, your eyes and his as well are trained on them. licking your lips, you take your gaze from your feet to his side profile and your breath hitches before you speak, "what...what happened to us?"

jeno reverts his eyes onto your own, "what do you mean?" now you're staring right at each other which is usually how any conversation should be, but conversations between you and him seem to always be an exception. fiddling with your fingers, you trace your sights back down to your feet, "you said that we'd keep in touch. well, we both said that."

in truth, as much as the distance that divided the two of you could be denoted from his seemingly unrequited feelings for you, there was much less of a romantic touch in what happened for the most part. for the most part, things panned out as they usually do when two people, once close and once sworn to never not be close, end up being separated by the one thing that brought them close in the first place. that is not to say that your friendship with jeno had no value outside of school and school-related things but really, school was the one thing that made it so you saw the boy day in and day out, shared with him an intimacy that could only be reached with that basis of interaction. more than any derivative of feelings that could drive the two of you apart, your friendship was split by the common ground idea that people come and go. perhaps it was fate that wielded the sorts, perhaps it was merely meant to be. and if you were to chalk it up to fate, you could say that meeting jeno again, like this, was fate as well.

but jeno here, twenty-one-year-old jeno as opposed to thirteen-year-old jeno, would like to come clean with his feelings. at least his feelings of way back when, because this turn of the conversation had churned a past within him that he had yet to be willing to unearth; that is, until now as he susurrates, "because i liked you." jeno feels his eyes gloss over involuntarily, "and with the whole high school transfer and everything, it just kinda all fell apart." 

he looks to the other side, as naturally as he can, but there's the unmistakable shuffle of feet from behind him and when he turns back around, sure enough, you've inched closer than his current mental state can handle. you watch as jeno blinks, his eyes lain upon your lap, and a tear proceeds to trace its merry way down his cheek. you catch it with the sleeve of your sweatshirt but even after he's cried through his emotions, your hand stays there, cupping his cheek. 

the tips of your fingers protrude from the fabric of the sleeve and they, your thumb in particular, swipe across the heights of his cheeks and the bags under his eyes. your own eyes are soft on his, soft in knowing and in understanding because, "well if it offers you any comfort, i liked you too."

jeno, though fresh in the surprise of revelation, feels an ease pool his mind. he takes a hand and brings it to cup the side of your face as well, mirroring your actions with an equal, loving gaze that holds the memoirs of your cherished past. a past that no longer tugs at his mind, begging for his attention, that no longer muddles his afflictions between what is new and what is old, and a past that he can now move on from, with renewed finality.

you break the exchange with a breathy laugh. a smile stretches across his face. the one hand on his face turns into two and the same is applied to you sequentially. two twenty-one-year-old college students sit on the curb in front of a house that belongs to neither of them but rather lies in between their respective homes. they sit side by side, their eyes boring deeply into one another's and, with both hands clamped on the cheeks of the other, occasionally squishing to produce the silliest of expressions, they laugh and they imbue in the elation of being at peace with their entwined pasts.

when you stand first, brushing off the dust on your bottom, jeno, still sitting, catches your wrist and lets the quirk of his lips and a small, "thank you," express the lengths at which the conversation had gone in its endeavors to mend a somewhat dysfunctional relationship. but now in full functionality, jeno wonders if his feelings still persist.

and if there's one thing to tell him they do, that they're as present as ever if not more so than before, it's the way he blushes warm when you entangle his grip on your wrist into your hand, giving his palm a brief squeeze before you look down upon him with an enraptured smile of your own. he watches you take your leave and, in the blackness of night, he thinks you are the most personable being to have ever walked in his life. he thinks he wouldn't mind another seven years, though only if he was promised to have you by his side the whole while.

"you mind if i tag along?"

yeah, i mind. jeno clicks his tongue, "no."

"you sure?" hyuck edges him on, nudging his old friend with the end of the hose. jeno can only roll his eyes at that, taking the hose from him, "not like i have a choice if she brought you here in the first place." jeno, while watching you roll up the windows of your dirtied car, can't help but wonder why you had to bring this damned boy. he really thought that after such a heartfelt moment the two of you shared just the past night, you would have been more open to venturing into alone, one on one, time with him. he does his best to clip back the snarky tone that's just waiting to be let aloud whenever donghyuck speaks.

"so who do you think's gonna be third wheeling today? me or you?"

"you," jeno bleats with not a second to spare. though he's sure the boy means it all in good-natured fun, jeno's dead serious when he says, "guess we'll just have to see who prevails."

and that, oh dear, that is sure to bring out the competitive temper of the one and only lee donghyuck, winner of all games ever played. jeno knows he's perhaps just dug a hole for himself, a shovel in hand and all, because right off the bat, hyuck is off to hog all of your attention and very rarely does he fail with his witty remarks and his position as 'most recent best friend.' in fact, he's right in the middle of telling you what is sure to be the joke of the century when the idea pops into jeno's mind, a godsend. 

he turns the knob on the hose to its fullest power before trudging off to the dial, his absence going unnoticed as you laugh at whatever hyuck has just said. donghyuck's turning to see if jeno has caught yet another point he's scored when he's met with a forceful discharge of water square to his face. it's four seconds of just standing there before hyuck remembers that he has the miraculous abilities of mobility, and upon moving out of the way in a terrible coughing and choking fit, the spray of the hose lands upon you. 

jeno gives a squeal that's comparable to yours as you snatch the second hose from donghyuck's limps hands, his body now wilted rather dramatically across the hood of your car, and point it to jeno, dousing him full as you charge right at him. he doesn't move, to your liking and more because he feels bad for having just accidentally drenched you in freezing cold hose water in the dead of winter. the punishment he has willingly subjected himself to is also freezing cold, bone-chilling, and numbing to the core. but he doesn't mind it nearly as much when the gush of water hitting his chest stops and he runs a hand through his hair, clearing his eyes to reveal your smiley, smiling face that looks to be having way too much fun in the face of hypothermia.

he's left kneeling when the water clears and you are as well, though while he's kneeling from the sheer force of the deluge, you're kneeling out of laughter. trudging over to your spot a little ways from him, the blades of the grass of your front lawn beneath tickling the skin of his kneecaps, jeno blithely lifts a few stray and wet strands of hair out of your face, tucks them behind your ear. your laughter subsides into gentle smile, one that erupts into giggles recurrently, and jeno has the gall to steal a look a donghyuck, who has since recovered and is now staring at the scene itself, eyebrow cocked and a tongue jutting out his cheek in a challenge he gladly takes up on.

jeno returns from inside his house with the two towels he had his mom fetch, only two because in his eyes, it's only fair that donghyuck doesn't get one. needless to say, hyuck's displeased as he watches jeno pat and dry your hair as you sit, propped atop the hood of your car. jeno isn't all that surprised when his own towel gets stolen from his shoulder and the boy also props himself onto the hood, next to you. funnily enough, jeno's now the one who's displeased because you've taken the towel from donghyuck's hands and instead of using it to dry the damp ends of his own hair, like it was intended to be, you turn slightly and echo jeno's actions, but instead on hyuck.

and while jeno's nose scrunches in a distaste that only hyuck catches, his eyes seemingly everywhere all at once, you turn a tad bit further to the side to reach the back ends of hyuck's head of hair. jeno complains as your own head moves a little too far for his positioning and a hand leaves the towel to move you back into place. that meaning his left hand holds solid on your right thigh. that also meaning the sudden halt of your actions, jeno's too, as donghyuck simply stares, observes, analyzes, comes to a realization, and smirks.

jeno also comes to a realization that his hand is still, still on your thigh, shown in how his hand snaps back into the oblivion and beyond, and how the tips of his ears are exceedingly quick to flush a cherry red. his thoughts of just yesterday, 'get the girl!,' are now very much diminished as his stare fixates on the ground and the ground only, even as you ask for him to move a little to the right so you could slide off the hood, even as hyuck excuses himself to the guest bathroom, though his hand is quick to fish out his phone before he even enters the house. jeno's eyes are unmoving, even as time resumes around him, and even though he understands how crazed he must look in your eyes. he understands, but that's about it because it's nothing that can be helped. 

you quirk a brow at the boy, eyes a flood of worry, and with those same eyes on him, lee jeno, in the middle of winter, begins to sweat. it starts at the palms, a sticky, tacky feeling but then he feels it creep at the back of his neck, coming in the form of a shiver of nerves. and although those two remain unnoticed, you bring a hand to his wrist to catch his attention because the beads of sweat forming along his temple have caught yours. "jeno, are you okay? you seem to be…" 

jeno lifts his gaze from the floor, a feat no doubt, and brings his eyes to yours. there are many things he notes. one, the worry in your eyes irks him, he despises even more that he's the cause of it, however silly. two, your hand remains at his wrist, unsure in the lightness of touch but assured in how it stays put nonetheless. three, your lips, they're very pretty; an observation that he's always been aware of, but when your face is only a rough seven inches from his own, the observations become a fact, ingrained in his mind for now and forevermore whenever he so much as looks at you. though more unconscious, there's a four. he wants to kiss you. and in a way that's quite far from the simple, accidental brush of lips he'd shared with you just the day prior. it's significantly far, a dot in the distance.

he almost goes in for it.

"do you mind if i shower at your place? it's fucking cold."

you remove your hand from his wrist, jeno's fingers twitch in longing to reach after it. with your own fingers absentmindedly toying with the cinched waistband of your sweats, you shift your weight from one foot to another. remarkably, only your top half was drenched but that in itself was sure to trail little shivers up your spine. jeno avoids your gaze, feverishly, hand coming up to the nape of his neck. he mumbles a short, "sure," before turning upon his heel, leading into the house. 

while hyuck is in the guest bathroom, you venture into the one through jeno's room which is noticeably cleaner since the last you were there. he tells you to wait there while he messes around in the bathroom, cleaning, but he leaves that detail out. one leg crossed over another, you bunch up the soaked hems of your shirt so as to not drip everywhere, standing there in apprehension and also halfway in the dark with the slatted blinds above his bed turned shut, the only source of light being the little that slips in between the slats. resolutely, you cross the room and gingerly lean a knee into the bed, reaching for the handle to twist them open. that's when you see it, slung upon the footboard of his bed.

that's also when jeno calls, voice distant and steps in a hurry as he pronounces, "i'll get you a shirt from my closet, hold up." but as he emerges from the bathroom, it seems that you have different plans. his eyes go wide as he sees the one, unfortunate garment he'd forgotten to put away this morning in your hands. yes, the bright green shirt from that one seventh grade math competition, with the now faded and very corny geometry joke proudly displayed on the front. it's that one that his mom asks him all the time why he never throws it out even though it's been years. he almost lets it show how he sulks into himself because they're his pajamas, and for a reason that he knows that you know and, to him at least, it's all the more embarrassing when you know. there's a lot of almosts today because jeno almost shits himself at the thing you say next.

"can i wear this one instead?"

the shy glint in your eyes and the light smile that glosses over your expression are all he needs to say, "sure," it comes out nonchalant but jeno is freaking the fuck out internally. you asking to wear that specific shirt suddenly made all the embarrassment garnered from it seem significantly less embarrassing. 

he sits on the edge of his bed as the sounds of the shower going skirts his thoughts. feet kicking up and down, back and forth down the side, jeno sighs with his bottom lip tucked under his front teeth. he's directly opposite and in line with the one picture on the wall he couldn't dare put away in his prior and precautionary cleaning in the case that you would come over once again. the edges of the photo are frayed with time and brash handling, seen even in its frame, but if anything, the memory of it is intact as ever. 

jeno thinks of all the things that would have gone differently, had he confessed to you that day as he planned he would. graduation day it was, and it was cloudy and on the verge of raining but his spirits weren't dampened in the slightest, clapping the loudest as you crossed the stage to shake hands with the principal, head awkwardly facing the crowd as your father had implored you to do so for his picture. his spirits were far dampened when you returned to your seat, a row ahead and a few down from where he was himself, mouthing a, "stop it," in annoyance as he mimicked your ungainly actions from just before. he felt that his spirits could never be dampened as he returned to his own seat, looking over in your direction automatically as you posed a thumbs up and another mouthing, this time an, "i'm proud of you," before getting caught by a passing supervisor and being forced to turn back around with a huff.

jeno remembers his spirits plummeting as he sat with you under the bleachers, for the last time, half his body situated on his jacket and the other on the scratchy grass. he didn't mind it as long as you were fully atop it yourself. despite what his quick wikiHow search on 'how to confess your love to someone,' there was no surge of confidence, not one stroke of it within him. he gave small smiles to your animated talking and the bare minimum of responses when prompted. and when you'd fished your phone out of your back pocket at the sound of a ping to see your mom texting you to go back to the field for pictures, he took your helping hand as he stood but even then, he couldn't dare be bold enough to keep your hand in his. with an arm set loosely across the back of donghyuck's shoulder and the other across yours, he made sure to hold you tight by his side, for fear and acceptance that this would be the last time he would have you there, by his side.

but as his gaze is pulled away from the picture, instinctively towards the sound of the door being propped open, jeno's reminded that, for now, you're all for his taking as long as he's up for the challenge. he watches as you linger by the door for a second, lip tucked under teeth yourself as you contemplate your next steps, next words. and as jeno watches, the shirt hanging tight on his figure but loose on yours, he can't help but think that this time around, he's in it to win it.

forms clutched in your left hand, all of them filled out in your neat, pencilled handwriting, you tap your toes impatiently. the line that you were currently in, placing at about the middle, was long and not at all to your liking. against your best wishes, your parents really had the gall to sign you up for this; you have foolproof evidence that math is your weakest subject, the foolproof evidence being a years and years accumulated stack of report cards. they claimed it was for you to get some extra practice and you'd countered that the annual math competition at your middle school was only really for the people in the advanced math placement, which you were most certainly not. you were still forced to go, though you declined the offer to buy the gaudy green shirt, but you were also right in saying that because none of the people in the line, at least of those in front of you, were from your class. you look towards the back end of the line to check the same so that you could provide extra evidence to your conviction, not that you were going to really need it after you took the test but you would like something to pair with your lacking results when rubbing it in to your dad later.

at first glance, there's no one really that you can spot but then you look at the person directly behind you and what you don't expect is it to be that one kid that is indeed in your class, your low level math class. he's quite the sight and you wonder why he didn't catch your eye earlier with his hair sticking up in all directions as he frightfully balances on one leg, his other hiked up and being used as a makeshift table. upon closer inspection, the paper he's furiously writing upon looks to be akin to your filled out form, only it's not filled out at all.

twelve-year-old jeno feels your gaze on him, and though he's verily preoccupied with writing, he's much more intrigued by your interest in him. head snapping up in a sudden movement and snarky in his greeting, "got something to say?" and it reminds you a little too much of hyuck to simply let it pass, "yes, i do." no, you actually don't so the empty pause you leave is in search of anything relevant. when you do happen upon something, your continuation is in equal snarkiness, "your hair's a mess."

at that, he stands up straight and you note how at the age of twelve, the boy is annoyingly taller than you, "shoot, really?" a hand rushes to pat down the straight strands in a hurry. a mild surprise lines your countenance at how the snarkiness ends there, watching as he furthers his comments, "i was in a rush this morning, that's probably why," and when you, again, have nothing to add, he goes to say, "renjun told me about this competition and i just had to do it."

now it's confusion that can be seen in your bewildered stare, you only knew about this since your mom is pta (parent teacher association) president; the competition, though advertised as open to all seventh graders, was only really promoted to the higher level math students, namely renjun and his lot. the kid, whose name you place to be jeno, friend of renjun's who's a friend of hyuck's, is now expectant in a response from you, less the conversations take a turn for the worse. you provide something short but enough to compose your inquiries, "why? who would want to do this?"

a part of you already knows. lee jeno, though you know little of him, sits at the front of your math class and never forgets to bring his glasses to school. a pencil is almost always in his hand when he raises it to ask a question at least ten times per lecture which is also the only reason you actually know of him because unlike him, you don't pay much attention at all in math class. jeno raises his eyebrows and replies as if his reasoning was common knowledge, "well i thought it'd be fun!"

"fun?"

"yeah!"

"fun how?"

jeno's standing complacently but his hands are making vague motions, "because you know…," a hands comes to the nape of his neck and he whispers as if his utterances were frowned upon for a lower level math student. to you they are indeed. "i like math."

"yeah no shit, you're the only one who participates in math." his eyes widen at your profanity, head snapping to see if anyone had heard. upon realizing something else, he motions for you to move forward, neither of you had noticed the line had started progressing onwards. 

jeno's still on edge, eyes peering side to side to make sure no teacher had passed while you spat such a vulgar word, "shhh, what if someone hears you?!" a coy smile creases your eyes, you decide that you're certainly very fond of this boy, or at least you're very fond of teasing him. "then how about...damn?" jeno's startled. "ass?" jeno looks like he's on the verge of shitting his pants. thus you go on, "another shit?" the twelve-year-old's mouth drops wide open, "y/n-"

"asshole, dickhead, son of a bitch, mother fucker, your mom's puss-"

he's rushing right up to you and before you can proceed, jeno's hand is clamped tight over your mouth. "y/n, that's-" and as if he weren't already a close seven inches away from you, he leans in further and you swear his lips graze the side of your cheek as he whispers, "y/n, that's illegal," and suddenly and in your eyes, the humble, wide-eyed boy that you'd only thought to tease of has you floored with his gaze locked on yours, breath fanning across your skin. he looks good, even at twelve years, lee jeno is easy on the eyes.

you gulp, push him off, and turn back around to the line that'd moved up four people since the last you'd moved, leaving jeno to stand there, hands limp by his side and in complete neglectance of his still half-filled out form. it takes thirty or so seconds for him to move up in the line as well, the mutters from the people lagging behind him also going unnoticed. and when he does notice, taking a few steps forward and once again hiking his leg up to be used as a viable writing surface, it's only after he spent those same thirty seconds spaced out in aftershock of why he did that, or rather, where the sudden surge of confidence came from that had him in the position in the first place. perhaps that's the first time that jeno ever thinks of you a little differently, only because there's something about you makes it so he does things a little differently, makes it so he can't simply act normally around you.

and perhaps you've also undergone the same predicaments because you pay extra attention when the test is handed out, and the way your brows pull together with your eyes trained on the paper tells a lot about those normally divergent acts. you're the last to turn it in, even after the bookish jeno, and when he takes a glance at you across the room as he returns to his seat, a little smile creeps its way upon his lips.

the same smile is there when you plop down next to him in math class the following monday, right at the front of whiteboard, and there goes the tug of his heartstrings when you lean over, eyes in wonderment, to ask him a thing or two about hypotenuses or some of the sort which he more than happily obliges. jeno beams when you hold him back after class to show him your score on the unit final he'd tutored you for and he beams the year after that when the two of you both climb the ranks into the prestigious advanced level placement. 

for many reasons, jeno proved to be a blessing in your life. your parents loved him specifically for the studiousness he instilled within you, something neither of you have ever pointed out but are in mutual understanding of. jeno was by your side through your traumatic first post-breakup stage, the douche of a boyfriend, or rather another twelve-year-old boy, had dumped your ass after two and a half days. jeno was the one who coughed into your ear during that one fateful game of telephone, the one played on the bus to the museum field trip; he'd defeated, and i mean absolutely crushed, donghyuck in a game of rock, paper, scissors to win the spot next to you, still a feat he considers one of his many prides to this day. jeno was the one who picked at your food, but also magically produced his own to share whenever you were without a lunch. 

lee jeno was the epitome of right person, right time, and even though the same sentiments weren't carried all the way through, were interrupted, displaced, all the things he gave you, left for you, they stayed.

lee jeno remembers the day he met you with keen lucidity. he remembers all the days after that in a chorus of feelings that swept him in the most unintelligible way, after all, who expects to fall so deeply in love at the age of twelve. at twelve you'd think the thing you'd be most worried about would be having fun before high school, occasionally grades, or maybe even the changing appearances that come with puberty and puberty in itself. for a good chunk of it, jeno thought that his feelings could be explained by puberty but it proved especially ignorant of him to think the same in high school when his feelings that persisted were only sustained by the mere memory of you. 

maybe it wasn't from day one, by no means was it love at first sight, second sight, or even third or fourth or fifth, but it was the succession of some inevitable process, the day you met through the day you graduated. to finish a thought, maybe lee jeno could have claimed spot as your boyfriend of seven years, had he not yielded in the face of profession. perhaps, you would have broken up already, the simple outcomes of distance and the natural order of relationships. would he have let you go? or would it have been you to call it off?

it's unfortunate that he'll never know, no matter how much he wonders, but of all the things he's sure of in the moment, it's that your laugh is the prettiest thing known to man, known to him. your feet dangle a significant amount over the edge of his bed, stark from his own toes that are stagnant and grazing the floor. he doesn't look over at you and his mumbles say enough of why, "i'm not kidding, y/n- don't laugh at me! i'm being serious, you really do."

"really now, you're telling me that i look good in your old pajamas. as if it weren't just to tease me."

"really!" his voice hits a pitch higher and he clears his throat, a scrunch of his nose at your laugh follows and denotes much regret in how he accidentally spoke his thoughts aloud in the first place. you really can't tell but he's trying his best to get in a few compliments, he'd heard that girls like flattery (he didn't hear, per se, he'd seen it somewhere online—read: wikiHow). "you look far better in it than i ever would." 

with his hands on either side of him, jeno pushes himself upwards the bed, lowers his back upon the sheets, and folds his hands across his stomach. he didn't expect as such but you do the same. it's now that his heart sees it fit to speed its pace, only because of that one pesky thought that's infiltrated his mindset. you're in bed with him after all, and though it's nothing close to what would be considered crossing the line as two friends, the thought itself is enough to ignite a fervid warmth through his cheeks. his eyes are rigid on the ceiling when you speak, "do you even remember where this is from?" they itch to look over at you but he's afraid it'll be too obvious then; his plan is to woo you, not to make a fool of himself.

jeno senses the sheets stir from beside him and he can only guess what position you've assumed, and hopefully not the one where you're facing him while his everything is still aligned straight ahead. he hopes it's not because if it were, he'd be missing out on one of those *romantic moments* that he so wishes to achieve. jeno's inability to think straight, about positioning, hinders his ability to respond, something that's only brought to his attention when you perk up again, "jeno? did you hear me?"

jolted, his eyes instinctively snap to yours in the sense that yes, now he's facing you and yes, he sees that you're facing him also. there seems to be a little something lodged in his throat when he replies because it comes out as if his neck were a squeaky toy that'd just been stepped upon. "of course," he clears his throat with a grunt, "that math competition, seventh grade." jeno concludes that that something in his throat must be his heart because he can quite literally hear its beating in his ears and feel its thrum through his organs. he licks his lips and sits in silence, save the thumps of his heart, as his eyes trace to your own lips, not seven inches away.

"that's...that's when it all started," you muse, a hand coming up to brush a hair from your face and hitting jeno's chest on its way, as if just to remind him of how close you are. "i mean, for me that is."

pushing his rather uncivilized thoughts from his mind, jeno gives a, "what do you mean?" before dutifully returning to glancing at your lips. if you notice, you don't comment upon it, choosing rather to answer promptly, "i think that's when i started to like you." he gulps and says just about the same, "me too." jeno's nerves think they are just about ready for whatever is thrown his way but not until a leg of yours moves to nudge his gently. "wow, it's like we're meant to be." his nerves, they must be on fire now and just about ready to take on the whole world in its entirety because he notes with keen incredulity that your use of 'we're' could indicate that you still like him, the possibilities of it being an 'are' versus a 'were' are only fifty-fifty.

"yeah…," he trails off, misses the look in your eyes, shifts to land onto his back, eyes on the ceiling. you do the same and decide that it's enough of 'testing the waters' for today. but apparently jeno thinks otherwise because just as you're moving to sit upright, he spells a slither of his heart out for you, "you're my first love, you know."

jeno would like to pride himself in the usage of 'you're,' also vague and could be taken either way. upsettingly, he lacks the know-how to understand that what this situation needs right now is certainty to topple over the tension and teetering statements. he's a bit too used to hiding behind the veil of 'what ifs' and resting atop the net of safety to realize. 

blinking up at the ceiling, you rustle to sit up once again, but not before donghyuck bursts through the door with an expression that sits pissed at first but melds into his signature leer as soon as he surveys the pair he's stumbled upon. "been looking for you two." jeno's shooting upright himself and all of a sudden, things are happening too fast.

there's two seconds before you're off and bounding towards hyuck as if he were your means of rescue; there's the, "what took you so long?" that slips from your mouth as if you'd been waiting for him all along instead of willingly giving jeno your time of day; there's donghyuck's phone that rests limp in his hand, by his side, but not yet clicked off because the screen gleams bright and it's showcasing jaemin's contact, a recent call most definitely; there's hyuck's response, muttered but in good humor, "i took a shit, that's why." 

and then there's the sinking feeling that sets fire within jeno. maybe even jaemin as well but it's for certain and even further confirmed when hyuck's smirk makes its way to meet jeno's benumbed expression, his eyes locking with sickening devilry and the traces of a challenge. donghyuck knows. and though he's sure to take it upon himself to get the two of you together for once and for all, jeno knows far better, with experience in hand, that though his friend's sentiments are in support, his chances fair much higher when it's only him that's left to trifle with the dealings of his love life. only him, and his languishing confidence.

plucking a kernel from the carpet, you toss it into the bin over the arm of the couch. the paper towel on the same arm is used to rub off whatever dust had soiled your hand and it's returned to the bowl to rummage for another, slightly more buttered, popcorn. you wish that your mom was into those hallmark christmas movies, because in all honesty, you're quite the fan but you suppose 'rise of the guardians' ranks close enough. glancing down to the bowl in your lap for a second time, you groan upon realizing that the only reason you've been munching on the terribly unflavored popcorn was because you've already tired out the supply of the buttered ones. that enough gets you to set the bowl on the coffee table, done with snacking for the night as you pick up your two crochet hooks and get to work, your actions mirroring your mom's though she's a lot farther in her chain.

you suppose the movie is just about halfway through when you're sidetracked by how you've somehow messed up a turning chain, warranted though, as you're an amateur in the dark. it's a shame because you really would have loved to pay at least half attention to the very gorgeously animated character, jack frost, but are instead struggling. after reworking the chain a few times, you decided to give it a rest and set it aside as well. it seems that being a quitter is the overarching theme of today.

the sound of your head thudding against the back of the couch gets your mom to separate her attention as well. seeing your state, she opts to make conversation in the light that you're far from returning to the movie. it plays in the background, the only source of light in the living room. "how's the car?"

"clean." a sour mood you're in, it seems. your mom hesitates for a second before approaching a second question, "how's jeno been?"

"great. he's been great, mom." she sets down her crochet for the time being, the foot of hers that's jutting out of the blanket bouncing up and down. you doubt why you even tried to conceal your feelings with curt responses when really, you're unashamed in front of your mom. that's the sole reason why she deems it fitting to dig a little deeper, "anything you want to tell me?"

it's an, "of course," that has her crochet set in her lap for the rest of the night. you turn towards her in full, shifting your weight so that it faced her position on the armchair diagonal of the couch. sighing, you shove a tongue in consideration to the side of your cheek before pulling back the curtains a third of the way, "i think he likes me." your mother's eyes sparkle, she sets her hooks and yarn on the coffee table as well, urging you to go on with a nudge of her head. "but at the same time he doesn't?"

she nods in the processing of her thoughts, "so, mixed feelings?"

you nod along with her, "mixed feelings."

your mother never disappoints you when a situation of yours arises and she's bound to give you her advice, her very blunt, very to-the-point advice. "just ask him. i mean, if he rejects you, you're only going to have to see him for a few more weeks before you're back off to school."

and you never disappoint yourself when a situation of yours arises and you're bound to adhere to her advice, the very blunt, very to-the-point advice because as always, she's right. but then she muses on with the littlest care in the world, "or you could just mess around with him for a bit-"

"mom-"

"what's making you think i mean it in that way? did i really raise such a slu-"

"mom! oh my goodness-"

"i'm just saying," she drags on the word and you almost rush to interrupt her with another exclamation before noting her demeanor, her countenance in the dim light. you lick your lips in apprehension, vaguely reminiscent of salted butter. "i'm just saying...keep him on the hook for a little longer," her crochet reference is bad but you don't miss an opportunity to let a small smile show. it's gone the next second when she resumes with more to her thought, "really, take it slow. i doubt that he doesn't like you. i'm pretty sure he did back in middle school-"

"he told me he did, something about how i was his first love."

she's taking this a lot less seriously than you thought she would. it irks you to know why. your mother has her head propped on the palm of her hand, her weight on the arm of the couch, "then i'm pretty sure he's never had a second." your brows draw in, "why?"

"no matter how much i love you, y/n, i would never pay for your groceries, change your tires, haul your christmas tree, or wash your car after not seeing you for seven years. just think about it, seven years without contact is as good as being strangers." you watch as she pushes herself off the arm, off the chair, blanket falling aside. your mom takes your discarded bowl in her hands, her own crochet, and the tv remote before clicking the movie off. you watch her as she moves casually across the room and you hear her just before she flicks on the light. 

"it's either that he likes you or that he's jesus, your pick."

it's a christmas rule, or at lease a rule that you and your friends go by, that if christmas day is for family, then christmas eve is for friends, hence why donghyuck had so cleverly gathered everyone in his basement on the very day, or night actually. he stops you with an arm just before you descend upon the staircase, "what'd you bring?" he motions towards the plastic bag clutched in your hands, the same one that'd bagged your groceries the other day (reduce, reuse, recycle!), but it instead carries, "pumpkin pie, i've come bearing pie," and hyuck removes his arm for you to pass before holding it up again for jeno, "and you, sir?" 

"eggnog."

you turn back to see donghyuck give jeno the heartiest pat on the back, "now that sir, that's what i'm talking about." scrunching your nose in good-natured fun, you quip at that, "what's wrong with my pumpkin pie?" jeno's a step above you, hyuck on the step behind as he retorts, "nothing, it's just that jeno here remembered that we're very much legal." shrugging, you trod off down below, missing the way donghyuck holds jeno back for a second. firstly to ask, "brandy or bourbon?"

"whiskey, actually."

and secondly to ask, "so what are you waiting for?"

"huh?" jeno takes a step back up the stairs and away from the hustle and bustle of the basement where you might have lingered to hear what he thinks the conversation is steering towards. "or did you do it already?" he checks himself before jumping to conclusions, "what do you mean?"

hyuck's hand is impatient on his friend's shoulder, after all, it's been eight years and counting since he first discovered jeno's little secret, plus only a day since he rediscovered it. "did you ask her out yet?" jeno's about to disagree with him, partially out of habit, "i-" before he realizes it's for naught, "no, i haven't."

"do you perhaps, i don't know, have a time in mind?"

repositioning the gallon-sized jar in his hands, jeno's response rumbles deep and low for only him to hear, "yeah actually, i was thinking next-"

"next?!"

"what-"

"no next! you have to do it like- tonight!"

"what, why?"

hyuck isn't smirking but the look in his eyes is somewhat akin to it. "because…," it seems that he isn't up to letting his mischief spill for his answer is really quite lame, "because timing is imperative! remember what happened last time?" jeno doesn't let it get to him nearly as much as it should; his plan is foolproof and he's convinced that nothing of what haechan does should be able to catch your gaze tonight, or for the rest of nights. he leaves the boy at the stairs as he treads into the space, ready to take on step one. different plans await him as he draws nearer to the sectional, only to find that the one available seat next to you, at the far right of the couch, has been taken by jaemin.

awkwardly, jeno sets the eggnog on the table and takes the next best spot, the one next to the boy, squeezing beside renjun who gives him a glare and a scowl, "first time you see me in awhile and you decide you want to sit on me? really jen?"

jeno puts his whole heart into apologizing, "oh whoops, my bad," as he turns his body in your direction, and jaemin's, only to feel his stomach furl at how jaemin's body is also aligned with your own, effectively blocking him off. again, the awkwardness that's emitting from him is awfully discernable to renjun, watching the boy turn back around again and give him a sheepish smile, this time in actual contriteness. with step two out of reach and thwarted, he sets his sights on the eggnog. jeno's quite the simple man. his approach was simple. he was sure that simple would get him many places, unlike donghyuck's abundant and conflict-laden schemes.

his plans were simple in that, one: sit next to you, make sure that no one else sits next to you. two: talk to you, make sure that no one else talks to you. and three: ask you out, make sure that no one else asks you out. and that's how it should've gone! though it's certainly not how it's going.

jeno's left to pick up the pieces of your and jaemin's delightful conversation as the same boy reaches for the eggnog at the same time as him. retreating, he watches as jaemin fills a mug for you, then for himself. he listens as jaemin questions, "first time drinking?" pfft, even i know that.

"yeah, actually," it's because you're mom's strict. "my mom's strict."

 "oh wow, so eggnog for a first must be kinda heavy, huh."

i wish that you would start with something lighter, just in case. "i know right, i wish that i could start out with something lighter, just in case. but i don't mind." i'll mind for you. if you can't finish it, i'll finish it for you.

"if you can't finish it, i'll finish for you."

with that, jeno's off to minding his own business because na jaemin is quite literally, stealing his spot, stealing his lines and it's evident that whatever he'd planned for tonight was simply, as simple as his plan, not happening. glare and scowl set into place, akin to renjun's earlier, he fills his own mug, only up to the halfway mark because his last glimmer of hope lies in when he walks you home later in the night. hell, he regrets just thinking that he should've just asked you out on the way here.

setting the mug down, he leans back in his limited space, arms behind his head and an elbow digging into renjun's space as well. the boy is about to comment on it when donghyuck finally returns from his room with the board game of choice this one christmas eve. "since y/n's here for the first time, i've decided to go with something mild," everyone, except you, is transported into the memory of last year when the now-snapped-in-half connect four contraption had bewitched them all into a death match (at least it wasn't raining and at least it wasn't on the rooftop), "so we're going with monopoly." jeno notes the smile that makes its way to your face.

renjun from beside him groans, "monopoly's boring though, ("-because you suck at it-") why can't we just play like-"  

"i think it's a good idea," jeno announces rather suddenly, to which donghyuck rejoins, "and i asked neither of you for your opinions." he tugs off the top of the case and throws it back, "my house, my rules." although jeno wants to confront the urge to counter hyuck's sass, he doesn't because you look pleased at the game of choice, elated almost. but then there's jaemin beside you, commenting and remarking into your ear to further the little smiles you give and, change of plans, jeno decides that if he can't beat jaemin in winning your attention, he'll just have to beat him in winning monopoly. 

the fake bills in his hands stack steadily as renjun, who'd been appointed banker, hands him, two hundreds, then another fifty. but with each increasing increment of jeno's money and competitiveness, jaemin's seems to dwindle as any inverse relationship would do as such. jeno seems to have forgotten that he, na jaemin, is the self-proclaimed 'least competitive person in the world' and how that held true in most any circumstance, including the case of girls or this case of boardgames. rather than narrowing his focus on winning, jaemin catered his role in the playing of the game to comedics. and while jeno dearly loves to hear you laugh, he finds it unfortunate that you find jaemin very funny.

he thinks he's had quite the night. the two rounds of monopoly, an hour each where he'd won both times but was also unrivaled both times, the movie marathon that followed suit (though is the word 'marathon' really warranted if only one and a third were watched?), and the grand finale, eight rounds of drinking games. certainly any singular event could have ignited a spur within him but after enduring all of them, paired with the fact that he was now mildly drunk, lee jeno is, to put it simply, not having it.

jeno undoubtedly has had a drink or two more than he should have because he sways a bit when he stands. he isn't sure but somewhere in the midst of seeing jaemin's hand rest casually on your thigh (missing the way you brush it off politely) and the way he seems to exclusively talk to you and you only (though your half-hearted responses are just out of earshot), jeno came to the conclusion that drinking copious amounts of eggnog seemed the best course of action. he also comes to duly note the looks that jaemin has been sending him, periodically. it's something along the lines of a smirk without the smile, a challenge set in his brow, and a glint of smugness in the eyes. drunk jeno is having exceeding difficulties in stripping down the implication of those regards, especially when his forefront train of concentration is currently being narrowed towards not tripping up the steps.

the jar of eggnog, now empty, is left behind on the table with the cumulation of also empty mugs and extra beer cans, soju bottles. your plastic bag and the aluminum container that held the pumpkin pie are long gone as well. you track your eyes down to each step of the stairs you take because if you look up, you'd be face to face with jeno's bottom. face to butt, really.

the night had ebbed, slowly but surely, into a mess. for whatever reason, you had minimal interactions with any of your friends except for jaemin, not that jaemin wasn't your friend, just that you had hopes of a christmas eve spent with the boy you talked the least to in the course of the night. the one whose bottom has just backed into your forehead. "jen…"

he pays no mind, perhaps doesn't even hear you at all because he proceeds to stumble around for a bit, taking another step down until you're forced to do the same, else your sanity be damned. both hands on the rails on either side, you suck in a breath. "jen, get your ass out of my face." and at that, the boy seems to get a grip on himself, tossing a dumbfounded, then staggered look back at you before straightening and taking the surest steps the rest of the way up to the utility room landing where donghyuck is seen to have been holding the back door open for the better part of three minutes. jaemin is there as well, lingering to see you guys off, you specifically, and jeno finds that same look being thrown at him, except this time he's slightly sobered up. the haze that had hitherto hindered him from thinking through his thoughts with clarity had cleared. he realizes what's off.

maybe it's the flashback, episodic memory style, to donghyuck's phone displaying jaemin's contact after intruding upon the little moment you'd been sharing with him, only a day ago at that. maybe it's that paired with hyuck's, "you have to do it like- tonight!" something that he'd brushed off but also made a lot more sense when put into consideration with the fact that jaemin's looks emanated of provocations, a dare of sorts. and that in itself speaks volumes of nonsense now that jeno's remembering that jaemin is the least competitive person in the world, not only to his own standards but to everyone else's. na jaemin, jeno's other best friend, wasn't deliberately trying to steal his (soon-to-be) girl. he was rather (rather infuriatingly) trying to rile up his dear friend into asking her out. bitterly, jeno notes that it's working; he's a great deal ticked off, even more so now that he's in the know, and his plans on asking you out have indeed been sped up to tonight.

so as jeno holds an unnecessary hand out to help you up the last few steps, a hand that you take with an apprehensive smile quick to form, he makes sure to give jaemin that same look he's been receiving all night. and while jaemin holds an elbow of yours to steady you as you slip on your shoes, jeno makes sure to take both sides of your open jacket and zip it closed, tugging the garment tight to your frame. he relishes in the feeling of your eyes on him, for the first time that night, as you bid your farewells to everyone else. jeno tries to hide a smile of his own as he says his goodbyes, eyes never leaving yours. he ushers you out of the house soon enough, the door clicking shut behind him and offering him the makings of possibly the confession of the century. he paces himself beside you.

hyuck's house is only four blocks down from your own, the only reason the two of you had agreed to walk there in the first place which was a seemingly good idea, if only you had considered the fact that by the end of the gathering it would be three forty in the morning, on christmas morning. the sky is dark, the moon itself offering little light in the presence of clouds, though the air is crisp as it is cold, nipping at the exposed skin of your face and hands. you shove those same hands into the pockets of your jacket as you shuffle along the side of jeno; just being by his side seems to provide a steady stream of warmth you're unwilling to stray too far from.

it's when the two of you cross the second intersection that jeno thinks to start up the little conversation that's been playing in his head for the last six or so hours. it's also then that an idea, though rather dumb, dawns upon you. your neighborhood circles around a fairly small lot, one with only a lawn of grass and a childrens' playground to earn it the title of being a park. a corner of your lips turns itself upwards as you grasp a hand on jeno's forearm, lightly steering him, "let's go sit on the swings for a bit, how's that?" and he complies, mind rerouting the scenarios of the conversation as the circumstances fluctuate. 

the swings, a set of two, creak and groan as you kick up and back, the movement coursing the wind to whip cold across your cheeks. your hands clasp the equally frigid chains from which the seat you're on is sustained, the metal is sure to leave red streaks along the lines of your palms. jeno, who remains unmoving, merely looks on at you with a bemused and adoring gaze, his hands fisting and unfisting in his jacket pockets to retain their warmth in the case that you would be willing to hold them. a wide grin spreads across his features as he watches you dig your heels into the bark to stop, your giddy laughter quiet but perceptible to his eager ears.

with the last bit of momentum edging you on, you almost stumble off the seat. lunging forward with added force, your arms are thrown out on either side to maintain your offset balance. jeno startles at your actions as well, a hand of his own is flung out instinctively to steady you but the distance makes it so the closest he gets is your thrust out hand. he's holding your hand. and it jars him a bit because the sequence of planned events, the notecards by which he was dutifully following, are now jostled and out of order.

he's yet to let go of your hand and that's yet to leave your notice. you don't question it either but you look over just in time to see him gulp, his eyes on the ground before him. the second you revert your eyes, jeno speaks, "do you mind if i ask you something?" his hands are warm.

"go for it."

"i- i said yesterday that...that you're my first love." despite the weather, jeno can almost feel the sweat rush to his palms. he hopes it isn't noticeable and pushes on, "am i yours?"

jeno's banking on your answer to give a green or red light to follow through with all else, he'd phrased the question to deliver precisely just that. never more than now have the differences between 'were' and 'are' meant so much to him. 

he turns to see a smile light your expression as you continue to stare into the ground and when he turns back, the fruits of his efforts are bestowed upon him. "yeah, you are my first love."

the green light has been given, jeno's palms are growing clammier by the second. he stands, hand still in yours, and pads over to where you're seated, the sound of wood chips crunching beneath his steps. jeno holds out his other hand and you take it. thumb rubbing over your knuckles, you find that jeno simply stands before you. the dark shrouds the two of you entirely but you make out enough of his features to see that he's smiling, blindingly, and it's in that moment where your mother's advice falls short because in all honesty, you have no willingness to 'take it slow.' you want him fast and you want him now.

"jeno, i like you."

his thumb on your knuckles stills. jeno isn't sure if he's falling or willingly lowering himself onto his knees because that's what's happening, though he's almost positive that he's come to a dead end on controlling his bodily functions. his mind, all those thought out scenarios of how this night could possibly pan out, every plan that's been enforced and redacted, it all short circuits because he's met with the one possibility that he thought unthinkable. you've confessed to him.

"you what?" jeno's looking up at you with what you believe to be wide eyes, they're beautiful to say the least. you give a squeeze to his hands. he almost jumps in response and in his sensitive state. with another five words, "i said i like you," and it feels as if you've decked him in the head with a chair, or ran him over with a truck, flew an airplane square into his chest. he squeezes your hands back, but harder and for longer as if to convey what he cannot possibly fathom into words in the moment. so he gives it two moments, maybe three or four, before he comes to grasp his bearings with a little more certainty.

but jeno can't bear to look you in the eyes. the thought of his sweaty, clammy hands in yours enough to render him an ungainly mess. with the bark digging sharply into his knees and beckoning for his attention, he doesn't think much as he drops his head into your lap. in fact, he doesn't think at all when he mumbles, "well, i love you," in such a casual manner, it's as if he were implying, 'hah, beat that.' 

and you do. to add on to the shitload of emotions he's currently surfing atop of, you retract a hand from his hold and bring it to his head, fingers weaving in and out of his locks, back and forth on his scalp. the world of thirteen and twenty-one collide because when he looks up, you're the same, pretty, endearing middle school girl and the same enthralling, though stressed college student that he's been loving for so long—almost too long, for the length of time would have deemed incredulous and in vain had you not uttered in the second following, with your fingers laced into the curls at the foot of his head, "well, i've loved you for as long as i can remember."

jeno goes in for it.

his lips on yours, at first, are hot like fire on a cold winter night. they burn and they scald and they sear until the memory of how they meld in perfect unison with your own has seared itself into the forefront of your mind, riveted and ravaging your every thought. sequentially, the initial pang dulls in the trail it's blazed as your movements settle into the languid pace he's set, lips encasing your own repeatedly no matter how many times you part. on perhaps the seven or eighth time you've met your lips to his own, he stops, though his lips remain on yours, and he breathes, "if that's the case...," he suckles on your bottom lip but falls back before you can act on it. jeno brings a hand to the line of your jaw and traces his finger along it, tilting your head to his as they happen upon your chin. "if that's the case, then i guess i must've loved you since the beginning of time."

if christmas eve is for friends, then christmas day is for family.

and perhaps jeno can be filed under friends and family after all because when you awake on christmas morning, or rather afternoon, it's not to the knock on the door from your dad or the screeching of your mom but rather, to jeno's leg shifting atop your own.

"oops, didn't mean to wake you," is what you first hear and the sight of him, hair messy and without a shirt, is what you first see. the brightness of your room, evidence of how you'd forgotten to draw the curtains closed before going to sleep, is almost enough to get you to shut your eyes again but you don't because it's lee jeno who's in front of you, in bed with you, with his arms around you. you wonder how you even fell asleep the night before.

yawning as you speak, "how long have you been up?" he glances at your bedside table, "since nine," and you follow suit, only to see the time on your alarm clock spelling out a 1:04 PM. "shoot, did my alarm wake you?"

"it should've woken you too."

you let a chuckle out at that and he returns with a hearty laugh that reverberates through you. letting your head hit his chest, you mumble, eyes closing shut, "why didn't you just wake me up then?" jeno's glad that you're unable to see him in the position you're in because he's sure to be sporting a blush when he says, "because you're cute when you sleep."

"and so you just ogled at me for four hours?"

yet somehow, he's anything but embarrassed when he retorts, "oh believe me, i've been ogling at you for years." you look up at him once again to see that his eyes are already on you. jeno pulls you closer until your clothed chest hits his bare one. "why am i the one wearing this?" he eyes the bright green material of the shirt and shakes his head, "i thought i already told you that you look better in it."

"in this musty old green tee?"

"not just any musty old green tee. it's my most prized possession, means a whole lot to me."

a smile finds its way to your face, "then why do you wear it to sleep every night? wouldn't that like, i don't know, shorten its lifespan?" jeno only shakes his head a little more, "i wear it to sleep because i like going to sleep thinking about you, it makes me think about you."

"then do you dream about me?"

shameless as he never was before, he nods, "do you?" you shuffle your legs around with his a little more, "i don't even remember my dreams but i'm sure that if i did, they'd all be dreams of you." the smile on his face stretches wide, neither of you are sleepy anymore.

you move to get up but jeno holds you still. complying, you decide to further your interrogations, "does your mom know that you're here?"

"no, but she probably thinks i just stayed over at hyuck's or something," you hum along, figuring just about the same. "the real question is, does your mom know i'm here?" musing along, you can only imagine the look on her face when jeno trails behind you on the steps down to breakfast (overdue lunch), "no, but i'm sure she'd be more pleased than anything. she really adores you, you know."

"then she wouldn't mind it if i asked you out, no?"

good god, it's like the reciprocation of his feelings has made him out to be a whole different man. gone is the stutter-filled, wide-eyed thirteen year old boy who could not, for his life, lay out his love for the one girl he'd only ever had eyes for. in with this smooth little fucker that has you stuttering over your own words, "n-no, i don't think she would mind." and he seals the deal with a kiss, lingering his lips on your own and pulling your bodies flush.

jeno wishes that things never change, the shoulder stitch of his shirt falling far too low on your arms and far too high on his collarbones, the white paint of your car gleaming and his clothes doused with a hose or two, the eggnog drunk until words string incoherent and his ass is shoved unceremoniously into your face. jeno hopes to keep you by his side, to go grocery shopping with you instead of having to bump into you by chance, to throw out his trash and return to your house instead of his own, to feel the arm of your jacket brush against his as you walk side by side in the blackness of night, to be able to close the distance every single time because you were always seven inches too far; the prospect of you and him had been withheld for seven years too long and since the seventh grade too young. but now, with your forehead pressed to his, legs tangled in ways unimaginable, it seems that he has you all to himself for seven eternities on end, endlessly, forever, forevermore.

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — it’s ree here, and i hope you enjoyed my christmas gift to you hehe <33 as the new year comes into sight, i’d like to pass on to you some of that *good energy* and say that 1) i love you, very dearly. and 2) if you ever need anything, i’m right here for you, inbox always open. with sentiments as warm as ever, i am exceedingly glad to have been able to spend the latter third of this year with you guys. much more to come, rouiyan.

[gogomadu]

Howdy hey Gogo! I hope you're doing well. Sending you good vibes ~ Also I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you had to suffer thru my old post. I was reading and looking thru them *Sigh* It's bad and really cringy also so not inconsistent. Anyways I deleted all of my story posts even from the very beginning. I want to start fresh and I do have something in the works. I'm not leaving any of your faves behind Saya, her daughter Kiyoko, Rafael and Harumi will be in the future stories. Thank you so much for following me all this time and enjoying my dumb little sims ❤

Oh my gosh! CJ! Thank you~ I'm so tireddd~ It's funny how I don't even get tired based on the shifts that I have for the month but instead, I get tired in preparation for the shifts I have the next month! I don't know what that's about~ And oml~ None of your posts have EVER been bad or cringey! They have always been good, had immaculate vibes, and fit your mysterious but beautiful style~ Well your story posts may be gone from your simblr but never from my heart. I patiently await their return... and revamp? Super cool~ I wish I had the ability to commit to such a big change! Every so often I have this weird urge to kill everyone off in my legacy save and leave one alive to rebuild everything. But then I drink a Capri-sun and get it together (what pose packs will do to a girl~🙄) ANyWaYs~ in the meantime, your werewolf pack posts look so cool~ I'm looking forward to your next posts~ Thank YOU! You're always checking up on me and being the sweetest lil bean~ *mwah*🥰💛💛💛😭