#googling where one goes to talk about a ptsd diagnosis

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

rationally, pursuing a diagnosis is the way to go because it’s been over three years and i cannot keep living like this. however, it scares the shit out of me and everything i see about what they could potentially decide for treatment makes me start to panic

[sophieinwonderland]

Bet you weren't expecting anyone to call your bluff...

Guess what? I read the DSM!

So what's true here?

Well, the DSM does actually say that the disturbance shouldn't be diagnosed as DID if it's caused by a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice.

So that part is true (to an extent; I'll get to that later) and there are two other exclusion categories.

But nowhere in the criteria does it state DID shouldn't be diagnosed if it's caused by reasons other than trauma.

Trauma IS a risk factor, and a huge one with abuse and neglect present in 90% of cases. And it's stated that other types of trauma have been reported as well, which might raise the percentage higher. But it's unclear how common that is. So all we can say is that more than 90% of DID cases are linked to trauma:

At the same time, in the differential diagnosis section with PTSD, it's stated that DID and other dissociative disorders "may or may not" be preceded by a traumatic event, and that they may or may not have co-occurring PTSD symptoms.

So no, the DSM does not state you need trauma to have DID.

But let's step back a bit and talk more about that spiritual exclusion.

The disturbance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice.

The word "normal" is pulling a lot of weight there. Because the DSM actually goes further into this, addressing what it calls "possession-form identities." These are cases where alters in DID may present as some sort of spirits.

So even the thing about DID not being diagnosed if symptoms are caused by religious beliefs is a lie. Or at least, a vast oversimplification of reality.

And none of this is even addressing OSDD. Because these detailed criteria don't exist for it.

This is all the DSM says about OSDD-1:

That's it.

There's no mention of a trauma requirement, or even a trauma association. There are no exclusions beyond the fact that it needs to cause distress or impairment.

And none of this is even beginning to address that...

You don't need DID or OSDD to be a system!!!

In the future, if you want to make a claim about the DSM, actually read it then screenshot and quote it to keep yourself honest instead of just making up lies and telling everyone else to Google it.

Because you may not like what happens when people actually do!

[sleepy-shutin]

i'm honestly not going to recommend you ask around tumblr too much. many people don't have a lot of the resources that you seem like you're looking for. people on tumblr can't diagnose you based on this information alone, and probably can't even give much of a direction for you to go in.

what you SHOULD be doing is reading into trauma, dissociation and complex dissociative disorders, and i don't mean looking at healthline.com, i mean you should be going to google scholar and searching up dissociative identity disorder and pirating research with sci-hub and libgen and zlib and talking to people who read the clinical literature on DID and understand it better than you do if you're having trouble with the complicated academic language.

let me tell you how you can do this yourself, and if you have any questions you can PM me.

go to https://scholar.google.com. this is where you can explicitly look up scientific papers and articles and *only* papers and articles. no sketchy websites with less than verifiable information, all papers that you can read for yourself going as far back as we still have scan-able papers for.

you'll want to look up key words like "trauma", "dissociation", PTSD, "dissociative identity disorder", "DDNOS"--(NOT OSDD, OSDD is the newer diagnosis, if you want to look for stuff specifically relating to OSDD, then use the older name with more research under it. also, it's notable that pretty much all research on DID applies to OSDD-1, which is why research into OSDD-1 specifically is not really a thing. the cause, treatment, and *general* symptomology (not all of it) are the same. not quite the same disorder, but it's generally safe to assume that if it's talking about DID, it applies to OSDD-1 too.)

the first paper you're going to see is probably a paper by someone named dorahy titled something like "DID - an empirical overview". this is a GREAT starting paper on most of the general DID research up to the point it was written, it covers a lot of basic and general information on DID and it's not incredibly difficult to understand.

to read it, go to sci-hub. you can also download the paper to keep it, too, which i highly recommend doing for easy access to a library of information.

if what you're reading isn't a paper, but rather a book, you can look for it on places like openlibrary (run by the internet archive), libgen, or zlib. you can't download from OL, but you can from the other two.

when you're done reading this paper, go down to the references section and take a look at it. look for things that stick out to you or seem like a good next paper to read. when you find the next paper/material you're interested in reading, search it up on google scholar by title, and read that one next, rinse, repeat.

as far as how to read them and retain the information they're giving you goes, here's what you can do:

make a sort of "book report" on the papers you read. to summarize, repeat, reword, etc, what's in the paper, to make sure that you understand it.

GOOGLE THINGS. if you don't know what a word or phrase means, google it to make sure you do.

you don't have to read especially long source materials in a linear manner. if you're reading the haunted self, (not recommended for someone who is not yet familiar with clinical and academic language/is otherwise a beginner) you do not have to read the whole thing from start to finish, and can generally look at the various sections of the book in the table of contents, and look for the specific topics that you're interested in reading. this is not cheating, it's ok. but it's not recommended that you do this for papers.

here's some other general information about where you can go and what to avoid:

join spaces dedicated to accurate information and recovery with DID. if you're over 18, i have a server you can join. if not, i've got some other ones you may be able to join, (i'd just have to ask the owners about it).

avoid spaces heavily focused around fictives. these spaces are 100% full of gross misinformation about DID because these people haven't read anything about it.

avoid taking sourceless tiktoks, twitter threads, instagram posts, etc, as fact on DID. these are almost always wrong about literally everything they're saying.

if you're questioning, i'd avoid joining spaces for systems at all. i have seen too many people fall down the rabbithole of questioning, joining system spaces, and then believing they have DID because of a community push from the space they've joined, when they very obviously do not have DID. i also joined DID spaces a bit too early and it fucked me up for a long time. do research first, then join DID spaces.

wishing you luck in your journey.

hi systems of tumblr i need Help. i am a questioning system and i have been for a long while now and idfk what to do or think anymore

i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this, so please give me any assistance you can even if its just "this sounds like ____" / "this relate to this and i have ___" / ANYTHING please

warning i dump some of my trauma here but i also put red text that just gives a summary without heavy desc so you can skip the description if you dont want to be triggered or upset.

tw child abuse, mentions of death / injury

basic info about me that may or may not relate

- i am a minor with cptsd & autism

- i have a Lot of repetitive trauma. like i dont wanna traumadump it all rn but a Lot.

- i am disabled

- all my older relatives are all shitty people which i cannot ask for help with this. all my younger relatatives would not be able to help. there is no one who i trust enough to help me with this So hiiii anon tumblr blog here i am

-i have not wanted to live for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back].

- i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while, like, memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there. or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

- i am psychotic. i have been since i was little and i know how to deal with it now and do not have any Serious delusions or hallucinations anymore

-ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

- i do not feel i have a real personality

- i dissociated a Lot in childhood and even now.

- i feel like shit went Wrong when i was meant to develop into a normal person and i am now fundamentally fucked

- i have done a Lot of research of osdd/did [and disorders in general] on and off for some years and have never found a conclusion for myself Help me

trauma dump about my experience with possible alter - scroll to red text if you are triggered by: religious trauma, suicide mention / suicidal thoughts

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die.

i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living.

one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and she wanted an answer back so i said "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough]

this was not an auditory hallucination. i did not have voice hallucinations at the age and it was extremely different to anything i have ever experienced.

and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin and holy fuck there was a creepy girl whispering my deepest darkest most sinful of secrets in my ears

the voice whispered more into my ear about my inner workings and thoughts and stuff i was in denial of

i have no clue if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of info about it. like when you suddenly remember something and the whole memory just Vwoops into your brain? some physical traits and some personality traits, along with the fact that this thing Knows me deeply and knows everything about me?

i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look.

i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did.

i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel its presence like the way you know when someones staring at you].

i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and ignoring it everytime possible and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do.

i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was.

TLDR: 8ish yrs old. i was in denial about my mental issues. i heard a voice in my ear very clearly wording out my mental issues in a way i could not. freaked the fuck out and ignored it even though i felt its presence for like a month and eventually i stopped feeling it there. no clue what that was

i told a system blog this experience once and they suggested that i look into bpd & aspd and that they dont know what to say as theyd never heard of something like that happening so young before

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other solid voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

i ignored it for all my childhood because i was scared. at some point a few years ago [covid times] i felt something similar again, not a voice but Something and i felt the immense need to try and figure it out. i did a Lot of work and all i could figure out was that voice probably Was trying to help me in some way. i was heavily in denial about most of my trauma and mental illness until like a few years ago because my family basically cult brainwashed me Haha.

also also i have had a lot of times where i have not felt Myself but have also still been there. its hard to word but i was still There watching myself do things and if i Really wanted i could try and stop my body from moving but like.... I didnt feel like i was Alone in my brain if that makes sense??? bru idk its that Feeling that someone else is there thing again.

trauma dump warning if you are triggered by: phys abuse [by father] mention, desc of me fearing my abuser would kill me scroll to red text

a time like this that stands out a lot is when i was younger [9+ -14] and my dad had just hit me and yelled at me and he pushed me down and i nearly hit my head on the stone kitchen counter but i just missed it and i was struck with this horrible fear because what would have happened if i did hit my head? i would probably be seriously injured. ive hurt myself on there before and it wasnt even that bad then but i still needed to go to the hospital. would i have died if i hit my head then? is he going to kill me now? and i was filled with so much fear i couldnt move and i had no idea how i would get out of this. i was literally backed into a corner. i completely spaced out.

i felt myself kinda Snap back in my mind for a second like idk how to phrase it but my mind Changed and all of a sudden i had a clear plan like Streamlined to my head and all emotion and desires other than SURVIVE were pushed out And like i felt So out of it and disorientated and ouguhhhhh felt weird bru idk how to word this shit was Odd and moving my body felt weird.

i saw myself run upstairs and check for injuries and try to clean up nd fix body but i did not feel like i was moving ??? like i was Out Of It and my body was just taking care of itself and i was just There like what is happening. OH I SORT OF HEARD A VOICE AGAIN HERE BUT IT WAS MORE LIKE. sudden dominant thought than voice in my ear voice. it was just telling me what to do and questioning if i had bandaids in my room.

TLDR: a time that stands out is when i was younger [9>14], i was being abused and nearly had a serious injury which i slimly avoided and was frozen with fear and spaced out. i suddenly felt myself snap back into place, disorientated and completely Weird, and felt thoughts [a plan to get out] that were not mine. i did not feel fully in control of my body and like i was being fed another persons thoughts as i saw my body tried to help itself. i felt like another persons thoughts were dominating over mine and all in all Strange.

anyway i kinda got back into myself after i was mostly taken care of but i was still Not Fully There if that makes sense??? like i still wasnt responding or thinking or talking or moving ANYTHING like what i usually do and i was aware of this and i was really confused about it and what was going on

sorry if this is worded wrong i wrote most of this late at night and again im autistic and get misinterpreted a lot and also my memory is kinda fucked up

anyways if anyone could could shed any light on this in literally anyway you could i would be super grateful.

ALSO if you think this is some form of osdd/did/plural thing Please tell me how to speak to the people in my head cause idk its weird like this i would like to know what is happening in there and not feel like im suddenly being possessed or like im insane

[honoviadakai]

Ivan Braginsky and Autism

From what I’ve seen, a lot of people in the Hetalia fandom view Russia as a character that is autistic coded.

I agree with this idea 100%

However I don’t think Ivan would really do anything about, make a big deal of it or even get a diagnosis.

First and foremost, this man is THE personification of the entire country of Russia, mental health is not a big priority in that country. A lot of the attitude towards mental illness and neurodivergent people is very “we don’t talk about Bruno”. Basically if you don’t bring it up, talk about it or seek help, it’s not an issue. Obviously that’s very difficult because some people will require medication or therapy to be able to have some semblance of normalcy, no such services exists in Russia without having to pay exorbitant amounts of money and basically condemning yourself to a life of solitude once you start seeing a specialist.

Ivan’s case is kinda weird though. This man is over 1,000 years old and very clearly has mental issues but both he and his family just kinda view it as “shell shock” from all the fighting he had to do in the past. He shrugs it off and just kinda goes about his days and just deals with things he thinks is symptomatic of PTSD. Ivan would absolutely have PTSD too, I think pretty much all the nations have that to some degree, Ivan just doesn’t realize that having a hard time expressing yourself, having difficulty understanding people’s feeling and the almost religious need to maintain his daily routine least he gets very upset has nothing to to with the traumas of war.

Honestly it would be Arthur, Alfred and Matthew who watch his behavior and realize…there’s more going on in the big guy’s head. The North American brothers would sit there, their mental gears turning as they try to figure out what they think it could be. It’s on the tip of their tongue…but what is it??? Arthur meanwhile is just casually drinking his tea, already knowing what’s up. Once he’s done having his afternoon tea, he sets his cup down and casually remarks

“You know he’s displaying almost all of the symptoms of autism in adults, right?”

The bespectacled brother’s eyes would light up. That was it! That’s what was going on!

Alfred would most likely be the one to bring it up to the Russian man and even offer to help him get a diagnosis and any other help he’d need.

This is where the issues would start…but not necessarily in a bad way…but not in a great way either…

First of all…what the hell is that? Ivan’s never heard of that word. Is it a disease? They’d have to explain it in great detail.

Second thing that would occur is that he’d be too prideful to go in. He’s healthy, why should he go see a doctor when he hasn’t even had allergies bothered him all that much since 1912. They’d have to fight this man to the death just to get him to MAYBE think about saying yes to a consultation.

Even if they SOMEHOW managed to get him to a specialist and get a diagnosis…honestly Ivan’s response would be to just…nod at the doctor, get up, go home and just go about his life the way he always has. Again, he’s over 1,000 years old now, if this hasn’t been an issue to him before then he sees no need to see a therapist or get medication.

Not all hope is lost though. If he does get a diagnosis or even just an explanation of what autism is, it’ll be in the back of his head. The topic might not come back up for weeks, months, years, even decades…but it will come up. One day he’ll be struggling to make eye contact while talking to the Italy brothers and getting more and more anxious because he thinks they might be judging him for it (they’re not btw). So he’ll excuse himself and whip out his phone to Google wether or not he’s sick only to remember…isn’t what he just went through a symptom of that thing he got diagnosed with a decade ago? He’ll Google it and sure enough, it is indeed a symptom.

Oh.

So how does he deal with everything now? He’s supposed to be make gnocchi with Feliciano and Lovino in 15 minutes. Again he’ll just Google how to calm his nerves, take a shot of vodka from his emergency flask, smack his face and walk back in like he’s not secretly screaming on the inside.

That’s just honestly how I think Ivan would deal with any mental health diagnosis. Just Google the symptoms, Google how to deal with it, take a shot of vodka and carry on as best he can.

Is this solution perfect? Hell fucking no. But it’s unfortunately what works for him and he’s a stubborn man that will continue on as he always has. Just dealing with the crippling anxiety and feeling of isolation with booze, and the stubborn mask of a man that isn’t too bothered by anything to hide that in reality, a lot makes him anxious but he’ll be damned if he’ll admit it to anyone.

[hillnerd]

ptsd/c-ptsd,  therapy & writing

(This is written by someone with CPTSD - I am not a mental health expert, and am just writing from my own experience! )

So a lot of writers want to incorporate PTSD and C-PTSD into their fiction. Sometimes people get it super right- other times I’m left cringing. I wrote this to help writers know more about it, then it also ended up being something I sent to a friend with PTSD as it got into it so she’d know more what the therapy process is like. 

So! What’s it like to have PTSD? PTSD therapy vs regular therapy-How are they different? How are they the same? What does PTSD therapy consist of?

Trigger warning:

I will be describing therapy, talk of other disorders like anxiety and depression, and might use some 'you' talk - example 'once you've gone through this, then you start to feel better.' This will also skim over child abuse, suicidal ideation mentions and trauma in general- Read w/ caution if you are sensitive to this

general overview to PTSD and C-PTSD

I am diagnosed with PTSD, but it's actually C-PTSD*

C-PTSD or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder differs from PTSD in that it's more for people who have had chronic environments of trauma/abuse for years - and is currently proposed to have a certain symptoms not listed under PTSD symptoms. 

Much of these symptoms have more to do with how one relates to other people, their self perception, and generally their learned behaviors in order to protect themselves long-term. PTSD is more about a specific event, of series of events that occurred in quick succession.

Despite the lack of official diagnosis, therapists treat people for CPTSD all the time- they just use a lot of the same tools they would for PTSD.

Not everyone who experiences trauma or battles develops PTSD, but there are factors that make you more inclined to develop it.

What is PTSD like?

There are many ways that people manifest PTSD/CPTSD symptoms.They are easy enough to google and be familiar with, but what's it ACTUALLY like for me.

a hair-trigger startle instinct I have had a few times where my husband is up at night, and I didn’t realize he was in the room- then I see the outline and start screaming- and can’t stop for like 2 minutes- then the crying settles in for 30 minutes. My traumas had nothing to do with strangers in the night. I just have a super intense startle instinct that sends my whole body into panic mode sometimes.

Hyper-vigilance- trying to control everything around you to keep you safe, and being super on edge keeping an eye out for how things will fall apart. Making sure things are locked, being extra wary of people, wanting to not have your back to people, perking up at every little noise etc.

issues sleeping- insomnia, light sleeping, & nightmares-   Sometimes reliving a memory, or just having intense dreams that leave you exhausted the next day you can barely function. This ties in with hyper-vigilance a lot- so falling asleep and staying asleep can be hard.

Depression and anxiety- pretty self explanatory- but it's common to experience these, and for pills to not necessarily be that helpful without the therapy. Sometimes anxious self destructive thoughts and memories start haunting you and making you freeze up or panic, feel like you’re going to die/be left alone by everyone etc. Sometimes emotional abuse from your past starts coming up and haunting you and you feel all your selfworth leaving your body leaving behind nothing but the want to sleep all day/cut yourself off from people - at times this can turn to suicidal ideation and other really dangerous behaviors and thoughts.

Sudden mood switches/panic responses usually a trigger for these switches is something associated with your trauma- but basically when something associated with our trauma suddenly comes up sometimes it causes us to start having feelings and emotions that feel out of whack for the situation at hand. 

Example: When I was a five I was beaten and locked on a sunny porch of a 2 story building with a sliding door.  Once my husband blocked me on the way to the door so I wouldn’t accidentally walk into some freshly painted furniture on the other side of the sliding door. I immediately panicked and angrily screamed at him to’ let me GO! fuck you!!! when he’s the gentlest man in the world and has never ever been anything but kind and wonderful with me. Then after the rage wore off I was like crying and so sorry.

I’m usually not an ‘angry reaction’ person- I’m usually a freeze/cry type- but yeah.Sometime people get panicked in crowded places, or if they feel someone is mad at them, or if they feel trapped, or if they feel like they’re being abandoned.

Sometimes I’ll get super manic and impatient/snappish if there’s not a plan on what we’re doing at a crowded place (really it’s because I want an escape plan/safe place I know we can always go to- and feel vulnerable when it’s a lot of people standing around without a plan and feel like I’ll get lost/abducted)

intrusive negative thoughts 

It’ll be the darkest weirdest repeating thoughts that you associate with emotional upset.  In ptsd treatment there is a lot of going through the events and rethinking your conclusions you’ve taken away from them. It’s simplified a lot in shows to a simple ‘it’s not your fault’- which, yeah, that’s the crux of it- but the actual work of it is super intense, exhausting, and so much more in depth.  

unhealthy coping mechanisms so a lot of people with ptsd will find ways to cope to help them fill an emotional void, or to cover up feelings etc. There are tons of ways people do this. Some will do extreme things like drugs, risky behaviors, drinking a lot etc Example: They experience a ‘violent retraumatizing’ moment like a pet getting killed in front of them- then later to cope have casual sex and drink too much in order to numb their emotions and not think about them.

A lot of ‘avoidance’ and ‘overdependence’ can be a part of ptsd. Like you might avoid certain things like the plague, or constrastingly might start using people or things or substances or food like an emotional crutch/security blanket instead of coping in a healthier way or learning to be independent.

Self protective steps you take might be super over the top, or self-destructive and borderline suicidal. 

Sometimes trying to repress all your emotions and not express them is something you do to protect yourself. 

This can be all over the map really- there are hundreds of examples!

triggering moments of your ‘Stuck points’

Stuck points are thoughts that keep us from recovering. Stuck points are concise statements that reflect a thought – not a feeling, behavior, or event. 

Example of stuck points:  'If I let other people get close to me, I'll get hurt again', 'I am useless.' 'I'm broken', 'I can't trust anyone in authority', 'People will reject me if they get to know me/see me at my worst’ ‘I’m a monster.’ ‘I’m worthless’ 

These can come up and you won’t even realize it at first. You’ll have something super innocuous happen and all of a sudden you’re on the verge of a breakdown, angry and/or panicking for seemingly no reason. 

These intense emotions will hit you and don’t feel like there’s any thoughts connected to them- there ARE thoughts behind it of course, but it takes a bit of deconstructing to figure it out though and realize ‘ooooh, there’s the thought train that was bubbling under the surface! I didn’t realize because thinking through my emotional processes was something I wasn’t allowed to do during my trauma- so now I don’t know how to instinctively do that even a little.’

Examples in fiction 

Harry Potter in Order of the Phoenix where he is yelling at the drop of a hat when he feels abandoned/rejected by everyone. His reactions are so CLEARLY PTSD related to me.  Actually, I think he has CPTSD and it just got to a tipping point due to the traumas he experienced in the graveyard.

Hunger Games Books  Probably the best portrayal of PTSD, of books I’ve read, is Hunger Games. The movies glazed over it a bit- but the books? Oh man, they nail it so hard.

HP and Hunger Games both have protagonists who are great portrayals of ptsd. The anger, the disassociation, the depression, the nightmares, the inability to identify with humans at times, the self protective steps that are unhealthy, the coping mechanism of avoidance etc.

Disassociating

People describe this in tons of different ways, but personally I think of it like body/brain numbness. All of a sudden it’s like a blankness comes over you, almost like that hazy way of daydreaming, only instead of daydreams it’s nothing but a buzzing blankness with maybe like slight almost invisible undercurrent of panic. It’s like the body is paralyzed, and you can’t act or think or do anything but stare or numbly move a bit- it almost feels like your soul just left your body for a bit and you’ve been consumed by a white room of emptiness. Not a black void- it’s not being lost in darkness- it’s like being lost in the light, if that makes sense? Like think of a blank why void like in The Matrix where the whiteness goes on forever. 

Flashbacks

In tv shows they often show it like it's a hallucination or something. Flashbacks are typically shown as a person basically becoming delirious and having visual and audio hallucinations, then perhaps even becoming violent to those around them because they literally see something different than what is real.

Again, this is my experience- but flashbacks have never worked like that for me. I more disassociate, and then all the emotions of that memory hit me, and in my brain I’m able to see bits and pieces of what happened back then, or even the whole thing- it’s like a SUPER intense memory/daydream/nightmare just settles in there for a bit- and you feel all the full emotions of it for a bit- can suddenly feel the sensations of it too at times-but at NO point am I actively moving about in a real room around people getting them confused with the past and lashing out at the hallucinations.

 I’m just sitting there, or crying there- and if someone in the room with me were to talk to me they might have to get my attention because I'm deep in that daydream/flashback- but I’d hear them and see them once I realize I’m spacing out. The most outburst I’d have would be to not want anyone to touch me- or get super startled from someone touching me then pushing them away from me. That’s very different than the crazy shit they show on TV and movies sometimes.

BAD EXAMPLE: One particular one that still makes me mad is when that had Owen from Grey’s Anatomy sees a fan- then get ‘triggered into a ptsd episode’ where he is unblinkingly choking out Cristina as she begs him to stop for a long time. Like…. It’s one thing for someone to be startled and have their instinct be to strike out- that’s a very different thing from what they portrayed. If they wanted to show him as ptsd dangerous- which is worrisome to me as people with mental health are stigmatized enough- but if they wanted to- it would have made much more sense for her to startle him somehow and for him to just blindly strike out before he realizes it. With combat training, he could very well have instincts that aren’t safe when he’s over sensitized and startled.

What are the main treatments for PTSD?

Cognitive Processing Therapy  (CPT)

CPT is the main treatment for PTSD. It is highly structured, and the majority of it is writing and worksheets. There is a LOT of writing and talking out about your trauma, writing and talking about how you process it, and analyzing it.

Beyond the traumatic memories, there is also noticing the behaviors you have that are related to your trauma and how they come out in every day scenarios. This leads to:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

This is not about processing past events, but about processing current behaviors/reactions and trying to slowly change those behaviors over time so that they are healthier reactions/coping mechanism in place.

Exposure therapy- Reliving memories

For PTSD some people do a lot of reliving the trauma memories by describing them in detail, every tiny detail they can think of- and basically reliving them, but then trying to reroute the emotional response to them. 

Some people are SO repressed that this is a very difficult thing for them to access- both remembering the memory, but also knowing what their emotions were/are. These memories of trauma aren't always easy to remember/re-feel/access and that can be frustrating.

I personally am REALLY GOOD at reliving memories- in fact I'm so good that we have been avoiding it for a bit because i go straight into flashback mode way too easy (more on flashbacks and how they work later)

There are ways of doing this that are more than just revising the memory through talk therapy, that I haven't done and would require research on your part:

virtual reality to revisit the place

watching videos or listening to recordings of the event and talking it through

exposure therapy that's more about getting used to sounds/smells/words that are triggering

The main point though is to process the emotions tied to that event and not make your brain default to that flight/fight/freeze mode when triggering things happen.

IMPORTANT TOOLS FOR THERAPY

If a person hasn't had much therapy, CPT/CBT has a lot of learning for that person, and a LOT of trying to identify emotions and really feel them, so one can process them.

Grounding techniques/exercises-

techniques used to sooth/calm a person when activated- there are like thousands of these guys out there- I think everyone is a bit familiar with them- like breathing exercises in yoga? Basically it's a way of regrouping and centering yourself- 'grounding' you in reality, instead of letting your brain go off on a tangent/emotional rollercoaster.

It's basically any way you can snap your thinking out of your anxious thoughts and concentrate on something until your re-calibrate and are calmer.

Personally the breathing techniques make me freak out- so I don't use those. :P Ones I find helpful are ones like 'Name every color you can see.' or 'go through the alphabet and letter by letter name an animal that starts with that letter.' and 'hold an ice cube in your hand and concentrate fully on every sensation you're feeling.'example  example

-CBT and CPT WORKSHEETS

god, SO many worksheets.

Here are some helpful links

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cbt-cognitive-behavioral-therapy-techniques-worksheets/  --- This page covers cognitive distortions really well, and has some helpful resources and worksheets.

https://trailstowellness.org/resources   This page has a lot of great worksheets for trauma.

https://www.psychologytools.com/professional/problems/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/- unfortunately you cannot access the documents here without paying- BUT you can read what the docs are, and how they will be used in a therapy setting- so can use that as a launch point for what sort of worksheets/phrases to google.

I specifically worked from  Cognitive Processing Therapy for PTSD: A Comprehensive Manual a lot.

What is the structure of PTSD therapy?

First session

The first thing I had to do was fill out a questionnaire (PTSD test , cptsd questionnaire) to make sure she thought the treatment was appropriate. We talked about this a bit, what symptoms I had, talked over examples of it. I'm comfortable with therapy so this wasn't so bad for me, but I can see this being very difficult for people who aren't as comfortable in this setting and would need to be walked through it more and have more questions as they might not have a lot of self-awareness. We discussed goals, what could be achieved, and generally what it would be like. We went over the first worksheet and I was given homework of figuring out what my stuck points are.

Sessions after that

Each session we begin with typical therapy for a bit 'how was the last week? Were there any events I should know about?' Then we go over the worksheet I filled out, and analyze it, talk about examples, or apply it to trauma memories.

What is trauma therapy LIKE?

I always try to have the next day or so as free as possible after therapy, because afterwards I am wiped out, exhausted, and sometimes super triggered and crying afterwards.

The analogy I like to use is cleaning out a closet you keep hoarding stuff in:

Your house is your life, your brain is a closet, and PTSD/trauma is a messy hoarders type hidden away in the closet. When the door to this closet is closed you can almost pretend there isn't a mess there at all. Y ou close the door by being in denial, not thinking about your trauma, not acknowledging or processing it. You just keep stuffing the trauma into the closet.

But the longer you let the closet stay like that, the worse the situation gets. Soon that closet door keeps busting open and all sorts of crap falls out when you don't want it to. Freakouts, hypervigilance, meltdowns etc. The crap in the closet starts to multiply.

Ever seen Hoarders or Marie Kondo? You know how people are crying over t-shirts and crap and the house looks WORSE for a while? That's trauma therapy.

In therapy you have to open the closet door, take out ALL the crap you've been hoarding in the closet, process it, organize it, and then put things in order again. Every single box of trauma needs to be looked at then put away- The goal is to  throw out the intense intrusive emotions tied to the junk. You have to keep your memories- but you don't have to keep holding on to the behaviors they've formed, the turbulent emotions, and the intensity of it all. During therapy at first it's fine. Kondo is walking you through it and it's all just fine and dandy- then you are faced with this HOARD of CRAP you have to work through- and it's SO overwhelming. My anxiety and depression got way worse for a while. Like, I was on EDGE and having nightmares and it was horrible. But then once you've processed the memories, and start actively applying what you've learned and start using grounding techniques more and more- things do get easier.

I am not fixed. I am not cured. I will have to continue to work through stuff- It's that whole 'healing is a not a straight line' thing. Like, there are times I regress and I hate it. :P But it's gotten a lot better.

IF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS I’M HAPPY TO HELP.

I figure this can be an ok resource for people who don’t know much about ptsd except what it says on like webmd (which isn’t that accessible to me) and want to write about it (or want to just know more about it)

( *C-PTSD has not been considered an official different disorder from PTSD for all that long. In fact, one technically can't be medically diagnosed with CPTSD in america yet. PTSD is diagnosable and has been considered an official disorder for decades, but C-PTSD has not been named a disorder of its own yet in the official guidebook of psychological disorders in the US (DSM). I think they might have JUST recognized it in the UK guidebook (ICD). I know it was proposed for the 11th addition.)

[sasstablook]

voidpunk feels, let’s go

quote, OG voidpunk @arotaro​: “I don’t have a voidsona because I don’t have much of a sense of self”

what is voidpunk? 1 2

a history of voidpunk

alright, the rest of it is under the cut!

cw: discussion of “scary” mental disorders, self harm mention, dysphoria talk, anorexia mention, violence mention, some mentions of sex, abuse discussion

so to start out with, these are my Official Diagnoses: C-PTSD, bipolar-1, and fibromyalgia. I am not against self-diagnosis, but I tend not to self-diagnose myself, for fear of using the wrong term and it coming back to bite me in the ass. that being said, I'm pretty certain (especially in regards to my bipolar disorder) that there's something else going on here that the professionals are missing. I'll only be discussing my symptoms from here on out, not my disorders as a whole.

my main symptoms I experience that make me "not human" are:

intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

paranoia and psychosis

body, social, and mind dysphoria

memory loss and executive dysfunction

disorganized speech and being nonverbal

hypo/hyperactivity

ambivalence and black+white thinking

I started with a very long list, and I tried to group related symptoms together. so...

I'm going to refrain from inputting sources and various denotative definitions, speaking only on my personal experiences.

1. intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

a lot of "normal" people get random unwanted thoughts. like that little voice that says "throw your phone in the river" when walking across a bridge. these aren't necessarily intrusive. the main thing that separates these two experiences is intensity. my personal pattern of intrusive thoughts includes a lot of violence. for fear of stigma, I won't go into further detail. but often times, these intrusive thoughts develop into impulses. these are things I do without thinking them through. I don't think about consequences, I just act. my brain tells me to... let's say, scream. like blood curdling, someone's getting murdered, scream. I just do it.

my brain tells me to hurt myself. I don't know why. I do it without further questioning or examination. not even to just get my brain to shut up, necessarily. there are some persistent intrusive thoughts that never get acted on. but some of them do lead to action, even if they're the least persistent of the bunch

2. paranoia and psychosis

these aren't necessarily linked in the way intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness are, being that one can exist without the other (impulsiveness is always caused by an intrusive thought). but they very often go hand in hand, with paranoid thinking leading to psychotic symptoms. example: I am paranoid that my roommates are talking about me in the other room; I then begin to hear voices-- which may or may not belong to my roommates-- whispering unintelligibly

3. body, social, and mind dysphoria

https://imgur.com/vp1EjlA

dysphoria is something a lot of trans folk can relate to. but my dysphoria isn't exclusively tied to my gender. my dysphoria is invariably linked to my dissociation and depersonalization experience. this ties into my inability to connect with human beings.

I experience body dysphoria in that I despise basic bodily functions and necessities to keep the body alive. this includes consuming food stuffs, which ties into my experiences with disordered eating (y'all remember when I was anorexic? yeah, the thoughts haven't went away, but I'm doing better with my actions now). also can humans just... not... with the bathroom thing. like is it absolutely necessary to piss and shit all the goddamn time.

I experience social dysphoria in the way I am perceived by others. this mostly ties into my gender. no matter what I do, I am always read as a girl. but even so, I struggle to be read as masculine in that I don't necessarily *want* to be read as masculine. because men are just flat out awful. and this isn't exclusive to cis men. I don't *want* to be associated with men. because if men are bad.... and I'm a man... then I must be bad, right?

which leads us to mind dysphoria and the same line of thinking in regards to my masculinity. I am at war with myself on exactly how I would like to be perceived by others. my feelings on The Way Men Are and my feelings on my own identity as a man do not coexist peacefully

4. memory loss and executive dysfunction

memory problems are a symptom of all three of my Official Diagnoses, so it's no surprise I struggle with short and long term memory. if the event occurred even last month, I probably won't remember it. I struggle to recall basic details about people I've known for years, including age and last names. so you can imagine what it's like when I meet someone new!

as far as executive dysfunction goes? I just... don't remember. I don't remember how to do the most basic things. I've had to have loved ones walk me through the steps of preparing a bowl of cereal before. no, I'm not joking

5. disorganized speech and being nonverbal

I love language. I'm a poet. language is my thing. I got a perfect 36 on the English portion of my ACT, dammit

but as time goes on, I'm losing my command of the English language. I use the wrong word in the middle of sentences. sometimes the word isn't even related to the word I meant to use, though I can't think of any specific examples right now. sometimes it's just straight up word salads, which make sense to me, but not to those around me.

sometimes my brain's language center just... gives up. during those times, I may utter one or two word sentences. I might just make noises. I might use gestures or ASL. I might text full sentences or just a couple words at a time. or I could just become completely and utterly silent, not even attempting to communicate. I don't understand this

6. hypo/hyperactivity

note: I chose the suffix "-activity" rather than "-sexuality" because this isn't just limited to my problems in bed, though that's a large part of it.

this is something that I've only become aware of after others have pointed it out to me. there are days where I move too slow for their comfort. and it isn't always related to my pain either. I can be having a good physical day and still move like a sloth. on the other hand, there are days when I'm bouncing off the walls

I also fluctuate between hypo/hypersexual. there are days when I am sex repulsed. there are days when all I want to do is fuck

7. ambivalence and black+white thinking

I live in such a state of contradiction. I don't know how to feel about people, concepts, what have you. in order to cope with this, my brain often sorts others into 2 categories: perfect and evil.

sometimes, someone who was perfect yesterday can be put in the evil category the next day (I'm currently experiencing this with a lover of mine). I don't see gray areas. I'm incapable of processing gray. which is odd, considering I'm on the gray-ace spectrum

all of these combined tend to cause certain thoughts, feelings, and actions in other people.

"that's not normal"

"that's weird"

"you're crazy"

"you're broken"

"what's wrong with you?"

"we're putting you here for your own safety"

"this will fix you"

sure, help me out a little. give me some medication, some therapy. but... "fix" me? what about me needs to be "fixed"? why do I need to be "fixed"? namely, why won't you listen when I tell you what I need in order to cope with my brain's battle against me? I don't need crisis intervention. I don't need an institution. I just need medication for my chemical imbalances and therapy to learn how to live with my brain. when you talk about "fixing" me... it's like the only reason you care is because I'm not a "productive" member of society. it's like you want to "fix" me for your benefit. does that make sense to anyone else but me? this comes back around to the disorganized speech and communication, I'm really not sure I'm getting across my thoughts effectively here.

people hurt me... I feel like they do this because they think I'm a villain. I feel like they hurt me to protect themselves. even if I go out of my way to shield them from the way I am inside, it might not be enough to help them feel safe around me

I'm scary.

for so long, I've been in love with aliens, and cryptids, and monsters, among other inhuman creatures. I relate to them. I feel so disconnected with my humanity, that these beings bring me comfort

and now, I'm not the only one

voidpunk

bonus: actual notes from my notepad that I took in an attempt to gather my thoughts

my voidpunk: aliens, cryptids, slasher horror, cyborgs/androids, uncanny valley, Homestuck, primal, cannibal, afterlife, demons, liminal spaces, occult, FNAF, psychedelics, Undertale, dandelions, hoarding, Twilight vampires, parasites, X-Men, we're all made of star stuff, death and decay, bugs and creepy crawlies, succubus/incubus, god complex, yandere simulator, fae, transparent, Nathan W. Pyle comics, the world is quiet here, Lemony Snicket, escapism, fernweh, unconventional beauty

things that make me voidpunk: sleep paralysis, hurting others, an urge to kill, impulsive violence, using sex to get what I want, hyper/hyposexuality, xenogenders, microlabels, neopronouns, dissociation, an inability to connect and relate to other humans, lack of "common sense", "men are trash", inability to distinguish between My Reality and Real Reality, I Don't Remember Anything, psychosis, can't pick up on subtlety, unsure how to socialize properly, I'm Scary, ambivalence, inability to make concrete decisions, self medicating, Out Of Control, how do I move properly, broken executive functioning, disorganized speech, paranoia, I despise basic bodily functions like eating and bathroom, what do you mean you can't read my mind, google: how to communicate effectively, black and white thinking

[thespeedybee]

Natural Healing Benefits of Ayahuasca

Visualize finding a plant that has the prospective to assist relieve trauma, self-destructive ideas and also immobilizing stress and anxiety. That’s just what some think ayahuasca can do, as well as this psychedelic beverage is drawing in a growing number of visitors to the Amazon.

If you Google “ayahuasca,” you’ll locate a list of tales regarding Hollywood stars embracing its advantages, along with the threats of this fairly unstudied compound that sets off hallucinations.

On this Sunday’s episode of “This Is Life,” Lisa Ling goes inside an ayahuasca event in Peru as well as speak to the men and also ladies that are consuming this powerful mixture in hopes that it will certainly ease their psychological and also psychological injuries. Below are 6 points to find out about ayahuasca, which some call a medicine and also others call a medication:

Battle veterinarians are seeking it for PTSD

Previous Marine Lance Cpl. Ryan LeCompte arranges journeys to Peru for battle experts, like himself, that are looking for ayahuasca as a feasible therapy for PTSD as well as various other psychological and also psychological injury experienced after several battle releases.

He claims he knows the dangers, as there’s little well-known concerning ayahuasca’s impact on the body, yet he claims “it’s a computed threat.”

“Ayahuasca is a method to provide alleviation to those that are enduring,” states LeCompte, that states lots of professionals are not pleased with the PTSD therapy they get when they return from battle. “It’s simply, ‘Right here’s a tablet, below’s a Band-Aid.’ The ayahuasca medication is a method to, as opposed to sweeping your dust under the carpet, you understand, these medications require you to take the carpet outdoors and also beat it with a stick up until it’s tidy,” LeCompte discusses. “Which’s just how I choose to cleanse my residence.”

Libby, an airman 1st class, is just one of the experts that came with LeCompte to Peru to attempt ayahuasca for her PTSD medical diagnosis, that includes sex-related injury while on active service. She states antidepressants made her even more self-destructive. ” I wish to want not to pass away at all times,” she stated, when asked why she was looking for ayahuasca. “I desire that to vanish”

It’s supported by some Hollywood stars As even more ayahuasca facilities turn up in the USA, not remarkably, celebs consisting of Sting as well as Lindsay Lohan have actually talked openly regarding their experiences with the compound– albeit prohibited beyond spiritual functions in the USA.

Lohan, that has actually had problem with dependency, called her ayahuasca experience “mind-blowing” as well as “extreme.” “I saw my entire life before me, and also I needed to release previous points that I was aiming to hang on to that were dark in my life,” she claimed on her OWN truth collection “Linsday.”.

Sting claimed he as well as his spouse, Trudie Styler, took a trip to a church in the Amazon where they attempted ayahuasca, which the British vocalist stated made him seem like he was “wired to the whole universes.”.

It’s not a remedy. Those of have actually attempted ayahuasca state that any kind of advantages– like with various other medicines or medication– should be integrated with treatment. “If you assume you’re simply mosting likely to take ‘joy juice’ … you’re nuts,” described writer as well as ayahuasca professional Peter Gorman, that resolved in Iquitos, Peru, throughout the initial wave of ayahuasca tourist in the 1990s. “The 5 years of job to obtain eliminate [psychological injury] is still going to get on you.”.

Gorman, writer of “Ayahuasca in My Blood,” discusses that ayahuasca could assist “displace that unfavorable power” as well as reveal individuals what their life could be like without the negative thoughts. “you could return house as well as service removing it.”. As well as it utilized to be taken by just the medicine man. Gorman states ayahuasca customs in the Amazon have actually altered considering that Western travelers started seeking its advantages.

“Typically, the medicine man beverages [ayahuasca], he accesses various other worlds of fact to discover where the harshness is, that if the medicine man remedies, will certainly get rid of the [signs and symptoms]– could be physical, could be psychological, could be misfortune,” Gorman clarifies.” [] we Americans come, and also we claimed we demand consuming the damn things– we desire our lives transformed as well as we desire that experience, to ensure that definitely established points exactly on its head.”.

You could also purchase ayahuasca powders and also removes online as well as in the neighborhood markets in the Peruvian Amazon, yet Gorman advises “you do not know just what it would certainly be.”. As increasingly more Western travelers eat ayahuasca, Gorman states it has him stressed. “I have actually had this sensation in my bones for 5 or 6 years that something can go a little incorrect right here that might sour a great deal of things.”.

from The Speedy Bee http://ift.tt/2oRHI5Z

from Natural Healing Benefits of Ayahuasca